#bc holy shit i was like sobbing in my room at midnight over it

[teetering-dinosaur]

watched the first episode of interview with the vampire last night and holy shit. i think (no exaggeration) this may be the best episode of television i've ever watched. immaculate tbh

[anxiousgaypanicking]

okay so i recently watched the metal family (the english dub) on youtube and i sent my friend a ton of information on it - my thoughts, my theories, etc, and then i thought of a sanders sides related universe for it 

technically some things differ, as in the part i wrote glam and chive (who ive assigned to logan and remus) eventually end up together, but whatever 

and, because im a whore for attention im going to post here exactly what i rambled about because i was spilling out thoughts that just made my heart beat faster. so basically, the metal family: sanders sides edition 

spoilers for the metal family. 

basically i was thinking of logan and remus basically as these two characters, with logan as glam/sebastian and remus as chive, and logans parents putting a lot of pressure on him as their only child, and his dad is suffering abuse to so he cant even stick up for logan, and when he does bad he has to put out his arm and roll his sleeve up and his moms hits it repeatedly, and in the show glam doesnt react until he showers bc thats when it stings (until a certain scene where glams dad slaps it so hard he fucking bleeds a lot and starts sobbing and its like part of when he snapped) but thats probably what he does, and obviously the butler also gets mad and snaps on him a lot too, but when he goes to that music exam and gets second place to remus (who he met briefly on the way to the music exam - youll understand this more if you end up watching the series), hes shocked, and as remus walks him home he explains what he did on the guitar, and gives him the bach vinyl and logan squints but takes it anyway, and when he announces he got second he gets scolded, they mock him for who he lost too, and the back vinyl is taken by his mother, hes scolded for thinking he could ever be on par (logan plays the violen btw - he entered the music exam with a violen and its what his mouther abuses him for when he plays wrong or doesnt answer right/right away to note related questions) with bach, and then hes hit with the ruler and sent back to his room, where he plays the bach vinyl thinking it will be bach but then its metal and it sort of awakens something in logan and he sort of snaps

when he runs into remus again remus offers to teach him, steals an amp and guitar from the observatory, and then when he goes home then this is where hes hit until his forearm is literally dripping with blood and hes sobbing, but sort of that unhinged sort of sobbing where hes like :) while sobbing and bleeding, and his mom is saying hes no longer allowed to take walks because he was late, went through the park, ran in a suit, etc, and how logan will be studying with her daily from now on, and through gritted teeth, a sob, and a smile, as he clutches his bloody wrist hes like "yes mother, ill study under you every day. every day. every day." and he and remus had luckily agreed already to meet by the dumpster at midnight, and thats what they start doing

remus teaches him how to play, and logan literally gets no fucking sleep and becomes more and more sleep deprived as hes taught more and more and it makes him more and more manic and unhinged, and he has periods where he fucking snaps and can play the bass super well because hes fueling his anger and his trauma into how aggressively he plays and is actually super good, and eventually he and remus get a gig with these two other bandmates 

and that happens to be the day that the way he hides his diary (where he gets out his murderous thoughts over his father, writes about lying to him, and writes down notes for music he wants to make) and his model of the city (which hed spent a lot of time on and cared about a lot and made out of every day things like lightbulbs and pencil shavers and had to keep hidden) were revealed and his mother found them, and she threw it into the trash where logan saw it crumbled as he walked home in the rain, and while his mother is aggressively shouting at him she says something along the lines of "who are you going to choose. your family, or some vagrants!?" and logan sort of snaps, goes wide eyed, and walks the other way, despite the fact its rianing and his mother demands him to come back, and then starst screaming about how if he ever comes back to the door hell never be allowed back inside, and thats where that episode ends

and basically i was thinking that logan leaves, and sort of walks around in his suit with his violen for a while, before he goes back to the alley where he hides his guitar that remus stole for him and his punk clothes, and he grabs them both and sort of mindlessly wanders until he ends up back in front of remuss trailer

when logan shows up remus doesnt realize until he opens the door of his trailer and prepares to leave and logans just standing there staring, utterly soaked, and he craves his neck up when remus walks out and remus is like "holy shit dude, you scared me. its not even midnight here. how long have you been here?" and logan doesnt answer, and hess not used to tocuhing people or being touched gently, but he sort of falls into remus, and collapses against him, and he starts sobbing because he just lost his family, and he left his dad all alone, but ehs finally free from the abuse, and hes so tired and so confused and hes never felt so unsure of his next move but remus just pulls him inside, brings his stuff inside, they step over his sleeping and drunk parent, and remus takes logan to his room (possibly the one he shares with roman ?) and basically just hugs logan as he sobs and cries and eventually passes out against him because hes literally so fucking sleep deprived, and remus takes liberty to change logan out of his sopping wet clothes, but then both of logans arms are covered in scars, some of them still scabbed, and remus is immediately concerned but he decides hell ask about it when logan wakes up, and basically ust goes out and shoplifts some food or steals from his parent to buy shit, and when logan wakes up hes given low quality food that he accepts gratefully, apologizes for showing up unceremoniously and being so informal, but remus just hesitantly wraps an arm around him, and logan accepts it, and remus says its fine while cuddling with him and then again hesitantly asks what happened

and logan sort of goes silent and doesnt talk about it, but clears his throat and asks if its okay he stays here, and theres already three people living in this trailer so he feels bad for asking, but remus just pulls him closer and is like "yeah man! of course you can stay!" because obviously hes not going to tell logan no after what he just pulled, so he lets logan stay, and remus and roman bicker for it a bit when logan uses their small ass bathroom to shower, and by the end remus has basically bribed roman into going along with it

and logan has to adjust to not being a wealthy - althought not spoiled - person anymore, and sometimes he reacts to things on instinct. he breaks something and remus comes up behind him and asks what happened and logan just sort of stares straight ahead, rolls up his sleeve, and sticks out his arm, and remus is like  logan?? and it takes logan a few seconds to snap out of it and he sort of gazes at remus, goes wide eyed, and then apologizes as he brings his arm back in and rolls down his sleeve, and he seems really awkward but also quite relieved, and remus has never hurt him before, but it was just sort of that reactive thing, and that happens to be the day where remus decides to ask what those scars are, and asks to finally treat them properly because he hears logans whimpers and hisses in the shower

he and roman have their fair share of scars from their own shitty drunk parent, so they know pretty damn well how to take care of them, and how to steal bandages and shit, so remus helps clean them out and up while logan sort of quietly tells remus all about his life, why the music exam was such a big deal, and how remus basically changed his life, and how hes still confused and doesnt know if he made the right decision, and remus doesnt respond until the end where he bandages up logans arms and then gently grabs his hand and tells logan that hes safe now, and that being surronded by people who only put you down and more so hurt you isnt good, and that he believes logan made the right decision because hes safe here with them (the twins make sure to keep him guarded from the drunk parent) and roman seconds that from his spot on the bed, and so logan tries to put his past behind him and instead focus on playing music with remus, and playing shows at bars and stuff where they slowly gain a larger and larger fan base, and they make more and more money from the awesome music they play, and eventually use that money to buy their own house

i know its a lot, but just imagine. imagine

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Erin and Ania are like holy fuck I can’t even. But for real Neil sees Abby as a mother figure in the book so like is it the same for Ania? Andrew too? Idek I just need to know their relationships with everyone

It’s time I map out their relationships anyways lol so thanks, love!

Let’s start with the lovely Ania 

Dan, Allison, and Ania are roommates. It’s tough after Seth’s death bc Ania has to face her all the time. Erin tells Allison her theory too so Allison is avoiding Ania so :////

Dan is essentially what Matt was to Neil. She sees Ania and her first thought is ‘baby’. She adopts her so fast. Every morning before class, she’ll pinch Ania’s cheeks and kiss her fingers, chef-style Idk man. It’s just something my mom does to me ok. Let me be soft. 

Renee rooms with Erin so Ania isn’t comfortable with her. Anyone that can spend the night in a room with that girl has to be hardcore. 

Allison also gives Ania a lot of shit about her wardrobe. At some point it starts to get to her so when the monsters head to the mall, Erin catches Ania drifting towards the girl’s section on her own. She’s high so she follows her around, prodding her about it. When Ania tells her, there’s this moment where Erin’s drug haze parts for a second. Ania could have sworn that she saw anger flashing in Erin’s eyes for half a second. She shrugs it off until Allison shows up at the dorms with a bruise on her jaw. Erin knows Ania hides her body bc scars and bc she doesn’t like men staring at her. She refuses to let Allison shame Ania into doing something she doesn’t want to. In general, Allison and Ania have a rocky relationship because Erin keeps interfering. After Christmas, the two of them end up getting along a lot better bc they bond while Allison covers Ania’s bruises with makeup. Also after Christmas, Ania and Renee trade dorms so she and Allison aren’t in constant contact. Part of their friction was due to the amount of time they spent together. A lot of things have happened to Allison this year and the fact that she constantly has to see the source of a lot of her problems makes it hard for her to heal.  

I’ve considered Fem!Nicky but I personally prefer Gay/Lesbian solidarity between him and Erin a lot better so yeah (However if you want me to run a few Fem!Nicky hcs, hmu and I’ll do it. She won’t be a part of the fem!verse but it would be fun). He’s exactly the way he is in canon. However, he is constantly trying to set Ania and Erin up and Erin? Doesn’t? Stop? Him? She’s so desperately in love with Ania that if Nicky wingmanning for her is what it takes to win her over, then she’ll take it. She also has a really dirty sense of humor. The jokes he makes fuel her late-night fantasies. 

Aaron is disgusted with Nicky and, more importantly, himself. Ania is incredibly beautiful and he’s incredibly straight. He doesn’t like her bc he’s so gone for Katelyn. That doesn’t make Ania any less pretty. He finds himself staring at her all the time but so does every other fox so he doesn’t feel bad. 

Katelyn thinks Ania is hot. She’s bi but leans heavily towards guys. It takes Aaron a long time to unlearn his homophobia but he manages it because Katelyn is bi and he couldn’t possibly hate anything about her. Once Riko is gone and Ania is safe, she starts to develop feelings. I mean, she always had feelings but now she doesn’t try to suppress them. She lets herself want to be friends with people. Katelyn happens to be at the top of her list. While the twins are with Bee at their sessions, Katelyn and Ania hang out. Sessions are only an hour/hour and a half long so the girls just grab a soda together or go window shopping in Reddin. I hc Katelyn as a genuinely sweet VSCO girl. Let me have this! Ania has a grunge/goth aesthetic because Erin buys her clothes for her but she thinks Katelyn’s clothes are cute too. Erin wants to hate the thousands of scrunchies and anklets she finds strewn across the dorm but they make Ania so happy. Once on a double date, on Bee’s insistence, Katelyn catches sight of a bubblegum pink scrunchie in Erin’s hair. It’s a stark contrast to her all-black outfit but it’s really cute. When Aaron goes to grab their drinks from the barista, Katelyn tells her so making sure to stay well out of Erin’s reach. Erin just grunts and turns to look out the window. The twins don’t blush with their whole face. Instead, their ears turn red. With Erin’s hair pulled up and out of the way, Katelyn has no trouble seeing her burning red ears. It’s progress! 

Ania spends a lot more time out at Evermore as a kid than Neil did. As a result, she was really close to Kevin and Riko. She only knew Jean for like a month before she dipped. I got a request for Fem!Jean so you’ll see Ania’s relationship with Jeanie soon. Kevin sees her as a baby sister. He and Kayleigh were actually at the hospital when Ania was born. There’s a baby photo back at Kayleigh’s old house of 3yr old Kevin carrying a newborn Ania. He’s crying rivers in it. There’s an actual video of it as well. In it, Kay asks him why he’s crying. “She’s sho shmall!” little Kevin sobs. “Can I keep her? Pleashe, mom. I’ll be nice to her and take care of her and I’ll tell her I love her all the time.” You can hear someone laughing in the background. The camera pans across the room to reveal Wymack sitting in a chair by the door, cackling

TANGENT BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WYMACK FOR A MINUTE! So Wymack and Kay are friends with some obvious benefits. He flips his shit when Kevin is born because what if that’s his kid??? Kay is just like, I was with a lot of guys and brushes it off. She’s lying through her teeth. Wymack is the only man she’s ever loved. Tetsuji is salty and I will go into this in another post but I think that Tetsuji really hated Kevin because he was Kay’s son but not his. I absolutely believe that Tetsuji was in love with Kayleigh Day and was pissed when she had a kid. Anyway, Wymack flies out to Ireland a lot to check up on Kay and Kevin because Kay is crazy. How could the inventor of exy not be? It’s literally murder lacrosse. He goes out to make sure Kay isn’t overworking herself and bc Kev has no father figure. Kev grows up knowing Wymack and absolutely adores him. When Kay dies, Wymack wants custody of Kevin. Kay knows who the Moriyamas are and recently she and Tetsuji have been fighting a lot. She’s scared that something is going to happen to her so she writes her will and emphasizes that she wants her son sent to Wymack if she dies. Her fight with Tetsuji comes to a head and the car ‘accident’ happens. It’s not an accident. Tetsuji ordered her killed in a fit of rage. He’s devastated when it actually happens. He loved her and now she’s dead. Well, who’s fault is that, ya dumb bish? He flies out for the funeral and so does Wymack. Tetsu finds the will first and is anger. He has it burned and has Nathan forge a new one where he gets custody of Kev. It breaks Wymack’s heart bc now he thinks Kay didn’t want him around Kev. Kevin is five and he’s crying because his mom is dead and now he can’t live with Wymack. He calls Wymack Dad and Wymack can’t do anything about this. Instead, he just hugs little Kev close and tells him it’ll be okay. Wymack tells Kev that Tetsu has a niece his age. Maybe Kev and Riko can be friends. Maybe they’ll even get married. Kevin says that’s disgusting and Wymack laughs a hollow laugh. Anyway, that’s how Kev gets shipped to Evermore. Tetsu doesn’t allow Wymack near Kev bc he knows the truth. The reason why Wymack always has a sports channel on because he used to keep it on in case Kev ever showed up. He watched every one of Kev’s games and interviews and everything. Wymack doesn’t get to be there to watch Kev grown up so he just watched from a distance. I'm not crying you are. 

Wymack is a father figure to Ania and Erin. He’s there when Ania is born bc he went to visit Kay and Kev who were in Baltimore to meet baby Nathania. Kay carts him out to the hospital to meet her too. Nathan Wesninski was not in the room when his daughter was born. He doesn’t even meet her until she’s six months old. Wymack is the first man Nathania meets and she doesn’t even know. Mary didn’t want to hand Nathania over to Wymack but she and Kay are friends and she knows that he’s her baby daddy. Wymack doesn’t recognize Ania because he only knew her for a month when she was a newborn. Of course he doesn’t recognize her. However, he thinks about her a lot. She’s actually the first baby he’s ever held. He didn’t get to hold Kevin until he was two. Wymack treats Ania the same way he treats Neil but he puts in a bit of extra care bc he knows about Millport incident. 

Abby is definitely as much of a mom figure as she was to Neil. However, after she shows her her scars, Ania gets a lot closer to her. She refuses to tell her things but when Erin gets sent to Easthaven, Ania has a hard time staying at the dorms. She spends all her time at the court bc she has to. She hides in the library bc it’s the one place she wouldn’t see Erin anyways. She crashes at Abby’s a few times because there are times she can’t stand the thought of going back to the dorms without feeling the brush of Erin’s hand on the back of her neck. 

Oh. That’s a thing. Every night after midnight practice n Kev has gone to his room, Ania says goodnight to Erin. Erin will trail her hand across the back of Ania’s neck as she passes in response. It makes Ania shiver because her neck is as much of an erogenous zone as Erin’s is. Erin always watches it out of the corner of her eye bc God it’s the most amazing thing she’s ever seen. It makes her feel. Ania doesn’t really realize???? She’s so dumb. She knows it makes her feel good but she just can’t for the life of her figure out why. 

It’s time I addressed the real psycho lesbian… While Erin’s is a facade, Riko is genuinely psychotic. She’s seven types of crazy. Actually, it skews a little more yandere but I will go into depth about it in the Fem!Jean fic. Rn, I’ll try to keep it short. Riko has her first crush when she’s eight? Nine? She kisses her crush on the cheek when she’s ten and Tetsuji… doesn’t take it well to say the least. The bit about it’s easier to remain straight? It’s the thing Kevin hears Riko say to herself every morning in front of the mirror. Regardless, Riko never gets over that first crush. Riko will never not miss Nathania Wesninski. When she finds out who Ania really is? She loses it. It’s fate, she tells herself. She will have Ania or die trying. Christmas at Evermore is a thing so I mean, I guess she does have Ania :( But she wants Ania to love her. She tells Ania as much and Ania spits in her face. :)

Most of Erin’s relationships are the same except for the Matt and Renee thing I covered earlier. The only other one that changes is Kevin. I know I say this a lot, but she really thought Ania and Kev would be a thing. She says no to Kevin for everything bc she’s petty.  Kevin has always gotten everything that he wanted handed to him on a silver plate. Now he’s taking the one thing she really wants.  If he gets Ania, he can’t have anything else. Again, I’ll cover her relationship with Jean later. 

Thanks again your ask <3

Edit: I'm really tired and have a quiz tomorrow but I forgot to talk about Cleo. I'll make a separate post about her so stay tuned for that!!!

[17-imagines]

[scenario] [request] first love

3: “Please… Don’t leave.”  30: “It’s not what it looks like…”  31: “You lied to me.” 

(this is a hanahaki!au bc i felt like suffering) 

hanahaki disease: results from one-sided love. the infected person starts to cough up flower petals. (more details in the fic - or shoot me a mssg!) 

Title: first love

Member: Mingyu ft. bff Wonwoo

Genre: ANGST // hanahaki disease // good end

Word Count: 2667

“Here, let me,” Mingyu says, using his hip to bump you away from the large pot of ramen bubbling on the stove. He takes the wooden spoon from you as you stand there looking offended, arms crossed.

“You always cook,” you huff, jumping up to sit on the counter beside him. He shrugs, grinning at the apron tied around your waist.

“So? Your job is just to be cute for the children’s enjoyment,” he jokes, stepping out of the way from your flailing leg. “Watch it,” he warns, pointing the wooden spoon dripping with broth at you. “I have possession of a weapon.”

“And I can get Jihoon,” you respond smugly, a horrified expression overtaking Mingyu’s face. He narrows his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Ji-” He drops the spoon into the pot and charges at you, hands grabby and precise, targeting your ticklish spots. He begins to attack you mercilessly until you give in, near to tears. “Wonwoo, Mingyu’s bullying me.”

The passing male gives Mingyu a look, then looks to you and shrugs. “Seems normal to me,” he grins, walking back into his room while a victorious Mingyu dances around the kitchen happily.

The sound of hissing interrupts his happy jig, the ramen’s soup bubbling over the top of the pot and onto the stove. He lets out a scream and immediately turns of the heat, removing the pot and placing it onto a different spot.

“Dinner’s… Ready?” He smiles sheepishly, fanning away the wisps of smoke emitting from the overheated pot.

You roll your eyes and help with distributing the bowls, personally handing each member their bowl. A series of muffled thank you’s sounds from the living room, and you and Mingyu take a seat at the dining table, alone.

“We’re working on our new album,” he says, slurping his noodles enthusiastically. “I’m going to help write the raps, and who knows - Jihoon-hyung said if I learned to compose, I could make my own track, like Hoshi-hyung!”

“I’m really proud of you - you guys,” you stumble, chewing on a spoonful of food.

“Thanks!” He grins, reaching to his cup of water. He holds it in his hand, the grin disappearing as he stares into his glass. “But… That means we can’t hangout as often. You’re not bothered by it, right? Because if you are, you could always-”

“Not at all!” You cut in, a smile on your face despite the ache in your chest, heart throbbing when the smile reappears on his face. “I don’t mind. I just want you all to be successful.”

“Oh, I’m glad you understand. I’ll call and text frequently, so you won’t be lonely.”

He continues to rave on about the new tracks they’re writing, about the concept they’re going for, and how he hopes he doesn’t piss Jihoon off as much as he did last recording.

“He threatened to shove the mic up my ass,” Mingyu grumbled, rubbing his backside. “I’m not into that stuff.”

Midnight came around sooner than you thought, and the manager offered to take you home, Mingyu in the seat beside you. When the van pulled into your apartment’s parking lot, Mingyu took hold of your sleeve, hesitant to let you leave.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” He asks, face serious. You nod.

“I’ll be okay without you for a few weeks,” you reassure him, smiling softly. “Don’t worry about me. Just do your best.”

You say goodbye to the manager and wave to Mingyu, who switches to the front seat. He watches your figure retreat into your complex building, eyes never leaving until you enter safely.

“Okay. Let’s go, hyung.”

-

You were okay for the first few days. Visiting the Seventeen dorm was a rare occasion on its own, so you didn’t miss it as much as you thought you would - but you did miss sitting in on dance practices, watching the boys shout and groan through vigorous choreographies.

On the sixth day, you woke up in the middle of the night coughing, throat itchy. The feeling was almost like a strand of hair getting caught in your mouth, uncomfortable and impossible to remove without effort.

You remove yourself from your sheets and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, in an attempt to wash down whatever was keeping you up.

It didn’t go down - it went up. 

You cough, feeling the object nudge up your throat, and cough again, dislodging the soft material. Reaching into your mouth, you remove a single lilac flower petal, eyes full of confusion and fear.

This isn’t happening.

But it is, and you know exactly why.

You’re in love with Kim Mingyu, it’s one-sided, and the only way to stop the disease from destroying you from the inside out is for him to love you back, or remove the source of it all, thus removing all feelings of love towards Mingyu.

You have two options. Make Kim Mingyu fall in love with you, or fall out of love with Kim Mingyu.

And you don’t know what would hurt more.

He doesn’t need a distraction like a girlfriend, but you don’t want to resent him. It’s not his fault you’re in love with him; it’s not his fault he’s your type.

Maybe it’s your fault?

-

“Hey, Jihoon-hyung, have you heard anything from (F/N)?” Mingyu murmurs, sitting down beside the resting producer. The practice room is hot and stuffy, and some of the other members have gone off to search for a fan.

“No,” Jihoon huffs, fanning himself with a towel. “She doesn’t talk to me unless it’s about you or food,” he snorts, chugging the rest of his water bottle. “What’s going on between the two of you, anyway?”

“Nothing?” Mingyu questions, “What do you mean by that? We’re friends.” Jihoon rolls his eyes, shoving him playfully.

“Right, and I’m Brian Puspos.”

“You’re not, though.”

Jihoon face palms with an audible slap, Soonyoung laughing beside him. “I was being sarcastic. Of course you wouldn’t catch on.”

“Okay, my stupidity isn’t the subject of the matter - it’s (F/N). She stopped replying to my texts and calls.”

“Why don’t you ask manager-hyung to drive you to her place? He likes her anyway. Calls her a good influence,” Soonyoung suggests, stealing Jihoon’s towel to fan himself, grinning at the scowling boy.

“I… I can’t,” Mingyu mutters, looking away. “I have to finish my track.”

“You’re sounding a lot like someone we know,” Wonwoo chimes in, handing Jihoon a handheld fan. The male makes a face at the side-comment, but thanks him for the kind gesture. “If you can’t, I’ll go for you, if it makes you feel better. She’s probably just studying, anyway.”

“You will?!” Mingyu perks up, tackling Wonwoo into a hug. “Thank you! Call me when you get there, okay? Better yet, FaceTime me! I wanna see her too.”

Soonyoung and Jihoon exchange glances, and Wonwoo grumbles on about ‘someone’ being ‘oblivious’.

Wonwoo catches their manager in the hall and asks to be driven over, texting a hyperactive Mingyu updates.

Mingyu: Are you there yet?

Wonwoo: No.

Mingyu: Now?

Wonwoo: No. I’ll call you, ‘kay? Stop bothering me. If you’re going to work, work, or else we’re turning back around and your ass is getting in this car instead.

Mingyu: o k o k o k

Wonwoo knocks twice, three times, then four. He’s about to give up as he raises his fist to knock a fifth time, when a weak ‘I’m coming’ resounds from the other side, the door clicking open slowly.

The first thing Wonwoo says is, “Holy shit.”

“Good to see you too,” you mumble, pulling your face mask further onto your face. “What do you want?”

He gives you a look over, observing your reddened eyes and heavy eyebags. 

The scene over your shoulder is no different, instant cup noodle cups littering your counter, pain medication bottles in a visible corner.

“You should go to the hospital if you’re this sick. Mingyu’s been fussing over you for the last few days,” Wonwoo says, and the sound of his name prompts a flash of pain to run through your chest.

“No - anywhere but the hospital. I… This isn’t anything serious,” you lie, petals poking the back of your throat threateningly. “…And what was that, about Mingyu?” You step to the side and gesture for him to come in, shutting the door behind him.

“You two are impossible, running circles around each other. Just confess and date already, I hate being the middleman.” Wonwoo plops down on your couch and you take a seat beside him, shaking your head profusely.

“He doesn’t like me.” You want to tell him, ‘this sickness is proof’, but Wonwoo speaks before you can.

“Mingyu’s the most oblivious man alive. He probably doesn’t realize it, but it’s all in the way he acts and cares for you. It’s different. You’re different for him.”

Given newfound hope, the joy doesn’t last. 

Because with a heavy heave, you cough up the built of petals you’ve tried so hard to hold back.

Despite the mask concealing your lips, the petals poke out of the mask and flutter into your lap, a few crimson stained. Wonwoo is quick to react, reaching over to pull your mask off without warning.

“It’s… It’s not what it looks like.”

“Really?! Because it seems to me, you’re a liar.” Wonwoo drops the mask onto your coffee table, causing the remaining petals to spill out of the mask.

“Tell me why you hid it for so long.”

You begin to sob, holding your face in your hands. “He doesn’t love me back, Wonwoo, and I’m dying because of it. Do you think that’s something he wants to hear?”

Ignoring your question, he grumbles worriedly, “Christ, look at the amount of blood mixed in with these -” Wonwoo grabs a tissue from his pocket and holds it to your mouth, pulling out his phone and pressing speed-dial.

“Who are you calling?”

As Wonwoo talks rapidly and worriedly to the manager over the phone, your focus on the male blurs, head pounding. You let out a weak cough, and a dozen fluttering petals fall to the floor. Your vision blacks out, and your body falls limp against the couch.

-

“Hello?” Mingyu hums, pausing the loud track he’s working on. Wonwoo sounds frantic, panting, and wait - was he crying?

“Mingyu - hospital - now.” A location is sent from their manager’s phone from the nearby hospital, and he doesn’t have the chance to click save on the file, because he bolts out of the studio to wave down a taxi.

“What’s happening, hyung?” Wonwoo’s wiping away stray tears when the tired, worn out Mingyu rushes into the emergency waiting room. “Where’s (F/N)?!”

“She’s fine. They’re giving her pain medications and waiting for her to come to.” Mingyu sighs in relief, but Wonwoo gives him a cold look. “We need to talk.”

He guides the younger outside, towards an isolated spot in the hospital’s garden.

“Do you love her, Mingyu?”

“What? Come again?” He stares at the older with bewilderment in his innocent eyes, “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Because she loves you, Mingyu. So much, that it’s killing her.” Mingyu’s speechless, eyes dropping to the ground, and that’s when he sees the smudges of blood on the tops of Wonwoo’s sneakers.

“You’re… You’re joking. This is my fault? How could it be?! I didn’t know - she didn’t say - hyung, please. This isn’t real.” Tears begin to sting at his eyes, and he wipes them away stubbornly. “You’re wrong.”

“No, you’re wrong. You’re the oblivious one. You never saw the way she looked at you, but the others did. It’s different. Full of love. She’s in love with you, and it’s unfair for you to blame her for not telling you because it was in front of you this whole time.”

Wonwoo’s phone buzzes, and with a glance, he lets out a shaky breath.

“She’s awake. She’s in a lot of pain, Mingyu. Either you ‘fess up, or let her let go of you. Room 170.”

Mingyu takes off in a sprint, tears rolling down his cheeks as he runs up countless flights of stairs. His manager greets him, but he’s too much in a rush to see you to properly greet back.

“You lied to me,” he bursts in, tears still spilling. It hurts even more when he sees the bags of fluid hooked up to you, a pained expression on your too-perfect face. “You told me you’d be fine without me. I took that as you not needing me.”

Broken, you look away, anywhere but him.

“I’m sorry,” you quietly reply. “I’m also sorry for loving you. I’ll end it now.”

“No - don’t be stupid, don’t for god’s sake -” He kneels to be in your line of sight, smiling sadly at you. “You know, I don’t know what love is. This is the first time I’ve ever considered being in love with someone, and it’s scary.”

He pulls a nearby chair up beside you and reaches over to you, gently taking your hand in his. Your touch is cold, and it saddens him to know how alone you were. He presses your hand to his cheek, sighing.

“But you know, love doesn’t sound as scary if it means being in love with you. And it took you almost dying for me to realize that, and I can’t apologize enough for that.” He kisses your hand, and when you begin to cry, he reaches out and brushes them away, leaning over to kiss your face gently.

“It sounds perfect. I love you. I’ve loved you from the beginning. I failed to reciprocate it, and the separation only made you lonelier. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m never leaving you alone again, and I’m going to make this up to you - for the rest of my life, I will never let you hurt alone ever again.”

You finally muster up the strength to speak, sniffling as Mingyu begins to sob again. “I love you too, cry-baby.” He looks at you, eyes narrowed and full of tears.

“How can you be so positive when you’re like this?” He wipes away his tears, pouting. “Next time… Tell me when you’re feeling lonely.”

“I will.” He smiles, kissing your forehead gently, catching a glimpse of the full garbage bin, filled to the brim with lilac petals. He frowns and glances at you. “You know what lilac flowers mean?”

He shakes his head. “Do I want to know?”

“It means first love.”

“Well, that’s fitting,” he jokes, then winces at his inconsiderate joke. “Too soon?”

“Ass.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be your first and last.” He grins, and you do too, genuinely. The dull pain in the back of your throat and the burning in your lungs subsides, because you’re no longer coughing up petals on the hour.

-

“I better go. Only family is allowed to stay after hours, right? Your parents were here earlier while you were resting, they’re getting food from the cafeteria.” He stands and stretches, kissing your forehead lovingly. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

He steps around the pile of gifts from the members, a pile that consists of letters, teddy bears, and boxes of chocolate, along with a few ‘get well soon’ balloons.

“Please… don’t leave,” you mumble weakly, holding onto his sleeve. “You’re my family too.”

His eyes widen at the statement, cheeks flooding with warmth and redness. “Hey, that’s playing unfair.”

“I’ll play unfair if it means you cuddling with me.” You pat the space beside you, and he glances back at the door before giving in.

He squeezes into the bed, long legs tangled with yours. “Better?” He asks, smiling at you.

“Better. I love you, Mingyu.”

“I love you more, jagi.”