#baxia

[aphel1on]

love how we she/her baxia for no real reason. yes the brainpoison sword is a WOMAN. deal with it

[benevolenterrancy]

I do NOT want to see what Baxia diving for a hug with Jin Guangyao looks like. x_x Poor guy will think Mingjue wants him murdered.

@little-meowyao Baxia is a Great Dane that thinks its a lapdog. JGY is not sure how to communicate to a volatile sabre spirit that it is most assuredly not.

continuation of this sword hug saga...

[lgbtlunaverse]

What kind of saber is baxia anyway?

I love my bloodthirsty princess of a cursed blade, and in my heart of hearts i am nothing but a sword nerd, so i've been extremely fascinated by Baxia and how we know frustratingly little about what she actually looks like!

I mean, look at bichen, right?

Bichen in the donghua:

Bichen in the drama:

They're clearly not exactly the same. The scabbards are different, and the guards have a different shape. But these are recognizably different iterations on one theme, right? Thin jian with a white grip silver guard, light blue tassel and silver mounting accents on the scabbard.

Now this is baxia in the donghua:

And baxia in the drama:

????????

THAT'S A COMPLTELY DIFFERENT WEAPON

it doesn't stop there either, the audio drama is kind enough to give us ANOTHER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BAXIA

pretty! But how is that he same sword??

And when we go back to the novel, we get very little information on her appearance other than the fact that her blade is tinted red with all the blood she's absorbed. Which none of these designs incorporate.

This is not a dig on the designs itself, they're all quite gorgeous in their own right and i'm going to spend a while discussing all of them! Because isn't it fascinating how, since we know little about novel baxia beyond "saber" all of these designs ended up so different? What kinds of sabers are these, anyway?

So, a chinese aber, aka a "dao" (刀) just means a sword that has only one cutting side. As opposed to a jian, which has two.

You can see how that leaves a LOT of room for variaton.

I've actually seen some people get confused because Huaisang's saber in the untsmed is thin and quite straight, making it superficially resemble the jian more than drama!baxia, but it is still clearly a saber!

See? only one cutting blade!

This, to me looks a lot like a tang dynasty hengdao

credit to this blog for providing his image and being a great source for all this going forward.

TANGENT: during all this I found out the english wikipedia page for dao is WRONG! Ths is what they about the tang hengdao!

So that sounds like the hengdao was called that during the sui dynasty, but then, after that, started being called a peidao, right?

WRONG

I LOOKED AT THE SOURCE THEY USED AND IT SAYS THIS:

IT WAS CALLED THE PEIDOU UNTIL THE SUI DYNASTY, AT WHICH POINT IT WAS CALLED A HENGDAO. Which would carry over to the Tang dynasty. This was the source wikipedia linked! and it says something else than they say it does!

Anyone know how to edit a wikipedia article?

ANYWAY

BACK TO BAXIA

Since we're already at the drama, let's look at drama baxia: She's also straight! the general term for straight-backed saber is Zhibeidao, but that's a modern collector's term, and doesn't really say anything about which historical kind of saber baxia could be based on. Another meta i found on the drama nie sabers already went on some detail here.

I'm gonna expand on that a little: The kinds of historical straight-backed sabers we see resemble the hengdao a lot more than they do baxia. They don't go to their point as harsly as she does (she's basically a cleaver!) and they're all way skinnier.

No, my personal theory is that instead of being based on any kind of historical sword, drama!baxia is based on a Nandao.

I mean, come on, look at it!

Baxia!

The Nandao... isn't actually a historical sword. It was invented for Wushu forms. There's a really fascinating article about its conception, but that's why the swords in the images look a little thin and flimsy. Wushu swords are very flexible and light, they're dance props, not weapons to fight with. There are actual steel versions of Nandao, but they're recreations of the prop, not the other way around.

So That's one way in which Baxia differes from the Nandao: she's actually a real weapon. The other is that, as you can see above, the nandao has an S-shaped guard. Baxia doesn't. She's also much more elaborately decorated, of course. Because she's a princess.

Now: audio drama baxia!

This is much easier. with that flare at the tip?

Oh baby that's a niuweidao, all the way!

There are more sabers with that kind of curved handle, but the broad tip is really charcteristic of the niuweidao. The Niuweidao is also incredibly poplar in modern media, often portrayed as a historical sword, but it originated i nthe 19th century! And it was actually never used by the military!

That's right, the Niuweidao was pretty much exclusively a civilian weapon! That makes its use here anachronistic, but so is the nandao, and considering that the origin story of the Nie is that they use Dao intead of Jian because their ancestors were butchers, portraying them with a weapon historically reserved for rebels and common people instead of the imperial military is actually very on theme!

Finally, Donghua/Manhua baxia. These two designs are so similar I'm going to treat them as one and the same for now.

Unlike both previous baxias, The long handle makes it clear this baxia is a two-handed weapon, though Nie Mingjue is absolutely strong enough to wield her with one hand anyway. Normal rules don't count for cultivators.

Now, this is where things get tricky, because there are a lot of words for long two-handed sabers. And a lot of them are interchangable! This youtube video about the zhanmadao, one of the possible sabers this baxia could be based on, goes a little into just how confusing this can get. This kind of blade WAS actually in military use for many centuries, making it the most historically accurate of all the baxias. But because of that it also has several names and all of those names can also refer to different kinds of blades depending on what century we're in.

So here's our options: i'm going to dismiss the wodao and miandao, because these were explicitly based on japanese sword design, and as we can see manhua baxia has that very broad tip, so that won't work

(Example of a wodao. According to my sources Miaodao is really just the modern common term for the wodao, and the changdao, and certain kinds of zhanmadao... do you see how quickly this gets confusing?)

Next option: Zhanmadao.

Zhanmadao stands for "horse chopping saber" so... yeah they were anti-cavalry weapons. meant to be able to cut the legs and/or necks of horses. That definitely sounds like a weapon Nie Mingjue would wield. But if you watched that youtube video i linked above, you'll know the standardized Qing dinasty Zhanmadao looked very different from earlier versions. It was inspired by the japanese odachi, and more resembles the miandao than its ealrier heftier counteprarts.

Earlier Ming dynasty Zhanmadao on the other hand were... basically polearms. the great ming military blog spot, another wonderful source, says these are essentially a kind of podao/pudao (朴刀) which looked like this

Now that blade looks a lot like baxia, but the handle is honestly too long. Donghua!baxia straddles the line between sword an polearm a little, but while zhanmadao have been used to refer to both long-handled swords and polerarms, this was undeniably a polearm, not a sword.

If you want to know what researching this was like, I found a picture of this blade on pinterest-- labeled as a "two-handed scimitar"-- and the comment section was filled with people arguing about whether this was a Pudao, Wudao, Zhanmadao, Dadao, Guandao, or a japanese Nagita.

So... that's how it was going. This has kept me up until 2 AM multiple times.

However! Thanks to this article on the great ming military blog I found out there have historically been pudao blades with shorter handles!

Specifically, Ming dynasty military writer Cheng Ziyi created a modified version of the pudao to work with the Dan Fao Fa Xuan technixues-- aka technqiues for a two-handed saber, which would alter heavily influence Miaodao swordmanship-- thereby, as the article points out, essentially merging the cleaver-polearm type Zhanmadao with the later two-handed japanese-inspired design.

This is the illustration for the Wu Bei Yao Lue (武備要略) a Ming dynasty military manual

This blade shape in the illustration doesn't match Baxia exactly, but since it's a lengthened Pudao-like blade and we've seen above that those can match Donghua Baxia's shape, i'm gonna say that calling Baxia a Zhanmadao with a two-handed grip isn't all that innacurate!

However, because all of these terms are so intertwined, there are a dozen other things you could call her that would be about equally correct.

To show that, here's a lightning round of other potential Baxia candidates:

Dadao (大刀)

Which are generally one-handed and too short. However!

Another youtube video i found of someone training with a Zhanmadao that resembles baxia a little also calls it a "shuangshoudai dao" (雙手带 刀) shuangshou means two-handed, and while 雙手带 seems to refer to a longer handled weapon, when looking for a shuangshou dao or shuangshou dadao (双手大刀) we find a lot more baxia-resembling blades like here and here

I also found that, while the cleaver-like Dadao is strictly a product of the 20th centuy, since dadao just means big sword or big knife, it has been used to refer to loads of different weapons! Some people could've called the zhanmadao and pudao "dadao" during the Ming dynasty as well.

Another potential baxia candidate that mandarin mansion classifies as similar to the later dadao (though longer, as seen in the illustration below) is the "Kuanren Piandao"

Which piqued my interest because this diagram classifying different tpye of Dao:

Claims that a Kuanrenbiandao (diferent spelling, same sword) is the same as a modern day Zhanmadao.

(So once again, all of these terms are interchangable)

Another opton Is the Chuanmeidao/Chuanweidao (船尾刀) below you can see a diagram, based on the Qing dynasty green standard army regulation, of blades all officially classified as types of "pudao"

The top middle is the Kuanren Piandao, and bottom left is the Chuanweidao.

Both of these have a lot of baxia-like qualities.

So there you go! live action baxia is based on a Nandao, audio drama baxia is based on a Niuweidao, and Manhua/donghua baxia is some kind of two-handed Zhanmadao/Pudao/Dadao depending on how you want to look at it.

I'm honestly surprised no one has made the creative decision to portray Baxia as a Jiuhuandao, aka 9 ringed broadsword yet.

I mean look at it! Incredibly imposing. Would make for a great Baxia imo. (@ upcoming mdzs manga and mobile game: take notes!)

[digitalstowaway]

Modern au where nmj has a cardiac service dog named Baxia

Except Baxia eventually develops anxiety and so nmj has to treat his dog's anxiety disorder

Which in turn makes his own stress levels rise and makes his cardiac problems worse

And then Baxia's anxiety gets worse and you can see where this is going

[br-disaster]

My take on Baxia and Huaisang's unnamed saber, inspired by CQL's designs

[lurkinginnernarrator]

xuan su rattling inside her sheath like nmj's baxia, scaring the shit out of everyone present because Yue Qingyuan is smiling.

[fun-mxtx-polls]

Suibian vs. Baxia

Suibian propaganda:

Suibian means Whatever, which is literally iconic. Vote for Suibian to make up for all the time it spent left behind in Wei Wuxian's edgy era, give it some compensation for dealing with all that (submitted anonymously)

Baxia propaganda:

I want to have some big, well thought out propaganda piece for Baxia but first of all, the existing propaganda is already excellent. second of all, the only thing in my head is BIG SWORD SEXY which honestly? what more do you need? Baxia is a gorgeous saber in every adaptation! i love her very much, please vote for our evil vanquishing queen who will Not be stopped. (submitted by @valiantbarnes)

Baxia is a huge sword made for cleaving and destroying evil. And if evil isn’t in the immediate vicinity she will find it. She’s angry and out for revenge and comes from a long line of swords that had to be entombed in order to stop them from killing everyone. Baxia has really awesome designs in all versions! (submitted by @absolmon)

Baxia: a sabre of routine! She will cut through literal iron but will sulk for ages if she doesn't get polished every alternate evening. She also treats Hensheng with contempt mixed with pity, much like an older cat to a baby kitten. (submitted by @lilapplesheadcannons)

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 39 part 2

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)  (whole thing on AO3)    

Warning! Spoilers for all 50 Episodes!

Tumblr's godawful new editor has a hard limit of 30 images in a post, so I'm splitting this episode into 3 posts instead of 2. There's a lot of important gazing in this part of the episode and 30 images isn't going to cut it. (To be fair, the old editor would start to die after about 35 images)

Funeral Time

We start off at A-Qing's funeral. The gang has found a spot right next to the road to bury her, and has managed to pull together an impressive set of funeral accoutrements.

A well-prepared cultivator always travels with apples, oranges, peaches, ceramic bowls, incense sticks, sand for holding the incense sticks, candles, a sanded & finished board for carving names into, and paper money.

It's nice of them to make sure A-Qing has a proper grave with proper offerings. You know who they don't bury properly? Shishu Xiao Fucking Xingchen, that's who. Do better, Wei Wuxian.

Jingyi and Ouyang Zichen ugly-cry while Jin Ling threatens the already-dead Xue Yang with being bitten by his dog, to Wei Wuxian's discomfort.

The three adults on the scene don't cry at the grave or even look distressed, really; after the shit they've been through, they probably don't have a lot of feelings to spare for a stranger, even Wei Wuxian, who feels for everybody.

And Lan Wangji is busy with some important gazing.

Lan Wangji is having feelings; feelings about how it's a lot better to be Lan Wangji than it is to be Song Lan. He looks earnestly and intensely at Wei Wuxian and says "fortunately" or "how fortunate" (幸好, xìnghǎo), and then gazes even more earnestly at him.

(More after the cut!)

Wei Wuxian can be forgiven for not getting what Lan Wangji is saying here, because Lan Wangji isn't actually saying most of it. From WWX's perspective, a fresh grave is probably an unlikely place for a confession of love or anything like it, although by Lan Wangji's standards this is a romantic idyll compared to the various caves where they've had most of their dates.

Wei Wuxian asks him to explain, but the qiankun bag of cock blocking suddenly distracts Lan Wangji, and that's the end of that conversation. They tell everyone to wait while they go back to the coffin house.

Wen Ning watches them go, wondering what the fuck it is going to take for these guys to get together, for fuck's sake.

It's a Sad Sad Situation

Back at the coffin house, Song Lan is dejectedly caressing Xiao Xingchen's coffin.

This scene is poignant but it's also a reminder of what nice hands everybody in this show has.

It's also an opportunity to appreciate the details of Song Lan's costume. All the costumes have such variety in the fabrics, even an all black or black/grey outfit like this has a lot of textural variation.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian each have something important to return to Song Lan. Wei Wuxian gives him the spirit trapping bag that contains what's left of Xiao Xingchen's consciousness.

Xiao Zhan and Li Bowen each make a valiant attempt to pretend this bag is not empty and about to collapse if they hold it too firmly.

Lan Wangi watches him receiving it, with a deep and painful understanding of Song Lan's feelings in this moment.

So, I assume that Lan Wangji is probably mainly feeling grateful that he has all of Wei Wuxian (well, minus his old body, which doesn't really matter to LWJ) returned to him. But I also can't help thinking about what the Lan Wangji of ~10 years ago would have given to have a scrap of Wei Wuxian's soul that he could carry with him. I wonder if Lan Wangji is thinking about that too.

Song Lan tells them, by writing in the dirt with his sword, that he plans to travel the world to fight evil in company with what's left of Xiao Xingchen. Essentially returning to the life journey that they shared, all those years ago. Lan Wangji responds by presenting Xiao Xingchen's sword to him.

Song Lan hits the road with both swords on his back, while Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji watch him go.

We don't hear Lan Wangji's thoughts, but his expression is, I think, a reflection of the grief he carried for so many years.

We do hear Wei Wuxian's thoughts, wondering if Song Lan and Xiao Xichen will ever meet again.

I'm not sure how reincarnation works when one of you has part of his soul trapped in a bag and one of you is a possibly-immortal walking corpse, but maybe they'll manage to be reborn together in spite of all that.

When WWX and LWJ are done contemplating how shitty the world can be, they reboot by having an intense gaze at each other.

Then it's back to mystery solving.

Wei Wuxian smacks the lid off of Xiao Xingchen's coffin....which is now empty?

Maybe they buried him between this scene and the last one. Without using his coffin. *shrug*

Lan Wangji lets the sword spirit out of the bag, and watches it sink through the open coffin and down underneath it. He shoves the coffin out of the way and finds another underneath it. Bunk coffins!

This one is covered with magic shit, which Wei Wuxian uncovers so we can see the heap of talismans on top of it.

Hand enthusiasts, this really is the episode for you.

Lan Wangji, who never does anything halfway, splits the lid in half with Bichen rather than, like, opening the lid in some normal way.

The sword spirit turns into Baxia, which is a big clue that the headless corpse in the coffin is Nie Mingjue.

Note that in traditional Chinese death...stuff, it's important to have a complete corpse, so separating a corpse into parts and keeping its head in your linen closet is a big fuckyou to the dead person in question.

Side note: Wei Wuxian continues to sense resentful energy directly, in his new body; once you open the doors of perception there is no going back, I guess.

Lan Wangji still seems to depend on his eyeballs and the presence of black smoke to tell him what's up, despite probably being pretty familiar with the feel of it, by now.

Additional side note since I can fit one more image into this post before Tumblr stops me: Lan Wangji continues to be impossibly pretty.

Continued in part 3!

Soundtrack: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word by Elton John

[fistfuloflightning]

Bearded Nie Mingjue for y’all thirsty bitches out there

[alittlelessalone]

I’ve been bouncing between reading mdzs fanfics about Nie Mingjue (and others) and writing my svsss fanfic about Yue Qingyuan (and others) and the more I toggle, the more I get to thinking about Baxia and Xuan Su.

While the issues they cause manifest a little differently, there’s no denying there’s some real similarities between the two swords. And I just really wonder what would happen if we let Nie Mingjue and Yue Qingyuan meet and discuss their swords and whether they’d end up helping each other or making things somehow worse. Though with their different reactions to their prickly (ex) partners, communications might break down long before they get to swords.

Honestly, I think I just sort of want to lock them in a room together and see what happens, but I also fear what happens is a qi deviations for either one or both of them. Or they start sword fighting which also wouldn’t go at all well. But who knows! Maybe they’d each send the other down the right road instead and both could end up alive and happy!

[kikki-art]

Baxia the cat, giveaway commission for @poiverine

[3cosmicfrogs]

"Kill kill maim kill ki- stop screaming, it's just me - kill maim bite destroy kill KILL"

[benevolenterrancy]

@hereticcryptid i'm late responding to this prompt, but have a continuation on baxia and hensheng wanting more cuddles than one would normally expect from a spiritual sword!

[lgbtlunaverse]

Nieyao keep ending up triangles recreating "married couple seeks a unicorn, only for the unicorn to try and steal the wife from the husband"

And you may think that by this I mean jin guangyao (unicorn) stealing lan xichen (wife) from nie mingjue (husband) but you'd be wrong. I'm ACTUALLY talking about meng yao (wife) killing wen ruohan (husband) for nie mingjue (unicorn) as well as jin guangyao (unicorn) trying to steal nie mingjue (wife) from baxia (husband) and failing.

[lilapplesheadcannons]

Nie MingJue was welcomed by the gust of cold air from the air conditioner as he walked in. The long anticipated rain did very little to dissipate the summer heat. Instead, the outside felt like a sauna. His shirt was sticking to his back, and the skin under his wristwatch was itchy. Baxia meowed in welcome.

Before he could finish taking off his shoes, though, his phone rang. It was Meng Yao.

"Heyyy." Meng Yao sounded perky. Like the way he sounded when Jin GuangShang got busted in a hotel room with two prostitutes. Or after the son of Meng Yao's old boss, the obnoxious greasy git that tried to grope Meng Yao in a lift, drove straight into the railings of a bridge. (A miniscule part of MingJue will resent Xichen until the next life for never telling him about the groping incident, for allowing Wen Chao to die painlessly in a hospital bed instead of begging for his life, choking on his own blood while MingJue tore him into pieces). Anyway...

"Is everything ok?"

"I am going with Mo-shi to A-Yu's school. He has been suspended."

"Damn!"

"Don't worry. I'll talk to the principal. I am sure he can be persuaded to see how that can easily be misconstrued into an attack against a non-binary student by the press. A-Su will meet us there." Meng Yao's voice sounded silky smooth.

Nie MingJue isn't worried. He doesn't know Mo XuanYu's principal well enough to care for the man. But he knows the mottled bunch his in-laws are. Especially after the shovel talk Qin Su and Mo XuanYu, two people not even reaching his sternum, gave him while the oldest ZiXuan stood calmly smiling at him with his back blocking the only door. All lives must go through some trials and tribulations. It was Mo XuanYu's principal's turn.

"Can I help?" He was quite free for the rest of the day.

"Well, not us. But Saozi needs someone to look after A-Ling for an hour."

"Ummm, me?" MingJue was pretty self-confident in his capability to deal with anything. That anything, however, wasn't a baby that couldn't even walk. He had taken care of HuaiSang since their dad passed away, but HuaiSang was a 5 years old child then. Albeit he came with his own set of challenges, but at least he wasn't a fragile 6-month-old.

"Yes, she's got to run to a venue, client is throwing tantrum. But don't worry. My mom and Mrs. Jin will come pick A-Ling as soon as they can. They went to an auction to Caiyi. If not, Xuan-ge will try to sneak out."

"OK."

The bell rang. It must be Jiang Yanli. MingJue opened the door while hanging up the phone.

Yanli smiled apologetically. She was carrying the baby in a carseat. Behind Wen Ning was packed like a mule with miscellaneous bagpacks and diaper bags. He was also carrying a teddy bear under one arm and a bassinet under the other. The baby was fast asleep.

"Sorry. One of my clients is having a major issue at her wedding. A-Yao said he was free, but I guess he got called away by A-Yu."

"It's ok, it's ok. Don't worry about it." Nie MingJue took the carseat. Wen Ning walked in to drop off his load while trying not to trip over a curious Baxia. In the next ten minutes, MingJue was familiarised with the baby food, formula, bottles, clothes, diapers, and enough syrups, drops, and creams to open a pharmacy of his own.

"He was just fed and changed. This is his naptime anyway. Don't worry, popo will come around to pick him up in an hour."

Nie MingJue smiled at her reassuringly. "Don't worry, Baxia and I will keep him safe."

Yanli relaxed. "Again, terribly sorry. I'd ask mom, but she and dad are out of the country. Give me a call if you need anything, ok? Let's go, A-Ning."

The duo rushed out. MingJue smiled at the seeming nonchalance that the Jins had for anything as he closed the door. Jiang Yanli acted as if her divorced parents going away together on a vacation abroad was the most natural phenomenon. A-Yao acted as if Mrs Jin taking her ex-husband's mistress to her latest fad was nothing out of ordinary. Even A-Yao going with another one of his dad's ex-mistresses to his half-sibling's school was just daily bread and butter. They functioned as a pack, a pride that had already devoured it's wayward patriarch, and one MingJue hoped he would never run afoul.

He could guess why it was him and not anybody else who was left holding Jin Ling. There was a silent, cold war of the uncles going on between Jiang Wanyin and Meng Yao to establish invisible territory, aided and abetted by HuaiSang, who very likely had a betting pool running somewhere. Wei Wuxian was a part of it, too, with strong backing from Lan Wangji, who would happily find a match if Wei Wuxian ever wanted to set the world on fire just for funsies, but they recently got their paperwork sorted and took a toddler with extreme separation anxiety home. It was obvious it would be a major loss for A-Yao if he couldn't provide impromptu babysitting on a day he was supposed to be free.

Jin Ling frowned , squirmed in his bassinet, and then opened his eyes. He was very clearly not impressed by what he saw because he broke into the howls of anguish.

Poor baby! MingJue picked him up and patted his back while pacing. Must be jarring going to sleep in your bedroom and waking up in an unfamiliar room with a semi-familiar giant staring at your face. Jin Ling simmered down into occasional whimpers. Baxia closely followed MingJue, obviously concerned for the deformed furless kitten. MingJue's phone rang again.

"Hello," Meng Yao sounded grimly determined, "how are things in your end?"

"Good, good. We are just getting along, " MingJue reassured. Over his shoulder, Jin Ling broke into a babble of babytalk with Baxia.

"That's better than us."

"How bad are things?"

"He fought with another kid, one of his cousins from the other side. That brat has to be hospitalised. School is thinking of getting police involved."

"Shit!" MingJue remembered his youngest half-brother-in-law. He was a twig of a child, surly and shy. He must have been pushed really hard for him to retaliate so badly.

"Yeah, Xuan-ge is on his way to here. If we can combine some legal threats, bad press, and monetary compensation, we can probably make things go away. Love you."

Meng Yao hung up. MingJue slowly whistled. He could understand why A-Yao was trying so hard to get XuanYu off without any blemishes. The Jin siblings were a hyperambitious, over-achieving bunch. Having one of their owns kicked out before completing high school with allegation of assault was not something A-Yao's delicate sensibilities could live with. His thoughts were interrupted by Jin Ling, who turned his head to make direct eye contact with him and said, "Shit!"

Nie MingJue almost dropped him in panic. Even not taking Jiang Yanli into account, a woman whom he had personally seen physically pull Wei Wuxian and Jiang Wanyin apart, what Meng Yao would do to him if he ever learned that Nie MingJue taught his precious nephew to swear boggled minds. It wasn't even the cursing that was the worst part. One of the major bones of contention between A-Yao and Wanyin was whether Jin Ling would say shushu or jiujiu first. Jin Ling, like a good deplomat, had avoided saying any meaningful word so far. But when did things go in MingJue's favour anyway?

"No, no, A-Ling. Bad word. We don't say it."

Jin Ling tilted his head inquisitively. "Shiiiit?"

"Oh no, oh no. I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't say it either."

"Shit!" Jin Ling spoke in conviction. He had found the first catchphrase of his life, and it was obviously getting all the right traction.

Maybe he'll forget if he gets distracted?

"Look here, this is kitty. Kiii-ttyyy. Say kitty. Meow, meow."

Baxia stared at him at mild contempt. Jin Ling spoke enthusiastically, "Shit!"

MingJue could feel himself breaking into a sweat despite the AC. This was exactly the type of stressful event Dr. Wen advised him to avoid during his checkup this morning. She was overall impressed with his blood pressure and his cholesterol and even smiled at him when he confirmed he got 9 hours of sleep every day. Now, he had gone and undone a year's progress.

"No A-Ling, kitty. Come on, Baxia, help me out here, old girl."

Baxia continued to look as unimpressed as ever. Jin Ling stuffed his left fist in his mouth.

MingJue decided to use threat because it was obvious his rotten old cat had no better nature he could fucking appeal to.

"What do you think will happen to you when Meng Yao kills me? Do you think he won't try to make it look like a burglary gone wrong and murder you too?"

Baxia finally said something, "Mrrrrrrrrrowwww!"

"I am glad you trust him so much. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but he knows you peed in his shoes that time. He's just biding time, you'll see."

Baxia simply turned her tail and walked off. Jin Ling continued to slobber on his fist like it was a lollipop. MingJue took a deep breath. Why was he, a man in his late 30s, arguing with a cat over a baby? His phone went off again.

"Oh, hello, darling," Meng-shi sounded like a bubbly teenager over the phone, "How are my two favourite boys doing?"

Light-weight, light-voiced, a hummingbird of a woman; Meng-shi was the exact opposite of the stoic, statuesque mother figure MingJue was used to having. He informed her that they were, in fact, doing perfectly well.

"Well, you see honey, there was an accident on the highway." Meng-shi's singsong voice was tinged with anxiety. "We are waiting for the road to clear. Won't take long. Will you two be ok?"

MingJue reassured her and then hung up. Great! How hard can looking after a baby be? He just needed to not swear anymore.

Jin Ling looked thoughtful as he took his fist out of his mouth, then with the sound of ripping papers came the stench of the deepest, darkest depth of hell. MingJue felt a hot liquid on his forearm leaking from the baby's diaper.

It took ages and an insane amount of babywipes to clean Jin Ling up. MingJue also made the effort to scrub his forearm raw and sniffed A-Yao's cologne to clear his sinuses. On the brigher side, Jin Ling was so delighted by his gagging that he seemed to forget the swearword.

As he was spraying the house with airfreshner, his phone went off again. Finally! Please let it be Meng-shi. Or better yet, Jiang Yanli herself. But no, all his hopes were dashed at the sight of the caller id.

"Hello, Xichen."

"Oh, hi, hi. How are things?"

Before MingJue could answer, Lan Xichen continued, "So Wanyin called to say that A-Ling needs babysitting. Wanyin isn't in town, but I'd be happy to take him off your hand. I am quite free today."

MingJue stared at the phone in disbelief. Et tu, brute! Xichen had shared ice creams with him in kindergarten when they were expressedly forbidden to buy those without grownups. Xichen cried with him at his dad's funeral. Fuck, the man slept off his first break-up in the sofa MingJue paid for. (Ok, A-Yao helped too because he's so much better at vouchers and sales). But here was the smiling serpent, stabbing MingJue for petty personal gains.

"No, I wouldn't want to presume." MingJue tried not to sound curt.

"Oh, come on," the treacherous snake purred, "Do you really need the aggravation? Why not take the time to plan a special meal for A-Yao? I bet he'd like that."

The backstabbing beast. As if A-Yao won't castrate MingJue for surrendering his precious nephew to the opponent team.

MingJue copied the purr, "Oh no, Jin Ling and I are already planning a special meal for A-Yao when he gets back. Thanks for your offer. Bye."

"But..."

"BYE!"

Things some people would lower themselves to do for gaining brownie points with a dimpled shortie! MingJue shook his head mournfully. Jin Ling restarted his whimpering.

"What is it, A-Ling? Do you miss mommy? She'll be back soon. Don't cry."

Just on the cue, Jin Ling's stomach rumbled. Nie Mingjue put him down on the carpet with a sigh and went to heat up the water. Midway making the bottle, he got suspicious of the sudden silence and came out of the kitchen to see Jin Ling tugging on a fistful of Baxia's fur. A terrified MingJue was about to jump in, but it was obvious the baby had carte blanche. MingJue, who still bore the marks on his forearm from the time he picked up kitten Baxia and brought her home, sighed at the unfairness in the world and went back to the bottle. He was sighing a lot today.

Jin Ling drank his bottle with much gusto but took a serious offence at MingJue's paltry attempt to burp him. He turned his head and babbled in complaints and seemed quite close to saying "Shit" again. So MingJue gave up and started giving him a tour of the flat.

It was when he was showing the baby Baxia's cat tree that Meng-shi rang back.

" Sorry, sweetheart, we need to take a detour. It'll be another hour. I'm really sorry," She sounded breathless.

MingJue wasn't too bothered. He had changed the baby. He had fed the baby. Surely the worst was over? Just to prove him wrong, the baby broke into tears again.

MingJue checked his diapers. It was dry. He checked his clothes too for good measures in case there were any rogue insects. But A-Ling was all clear and still yelling. MingJue carried him to the kitchen this time with him and made another bottle with one hand, but A-Ling spat it out. He was beginning to go red in his face. Desperate for a miracle, MingJue took him to the bedroom. He put the baby on his knees and tried to rock him side to side, just like how he had seen his own mother rock HuaiSang. Baxia meowed, then jumped up on the bed. He asked the cat, "What do I do now, Baxia?"

But the baby stopped whimpering. Baxia had crawled next to him and put a paw on his tummy. The baby yawned, then closed his eyes.

Within half an hour, MingJue felt his leg go numb. It was also lunchtime, and he skipped breakfast this morning for fasting blood glucose levels. But he didn't dare to move the baby.

Another half an hour crawled away. Finally, he heard keys rattling in the door.

"Da-ge?"

He could hear Meng Yao's whisper.

"Over here, in the bedroom." He whispered back.

It wasn't just A-Yao, though. Jiang Yanli and Jin ZiXuan peeked from behind him, three of them showing matching grins. Probably, the baby could sense his mom nearby because he blinked his eyes open.

It was an... impressive reunion, to say the least. If MingJue hadn't witnessed the whole thing, he'd easily believe that the mother and the child hadn't seen each other for aeons. Jin ZiXuan updated him as he put the baby items back into the bag.

"He's going to be fine. After school detention. The other kid is in trouble, though. He's been hitting A-Yu for a long time. Other students spoke up. He's the son of Mo-shi's sister, and well, it seems Mother dear has been talking nonsense to the boy. His dad works in a company affiliated with us, though. He came in to apologise. We'll also bring this up in the next school board meeting. I am sure people would be interested to know how the school was so quick to punish my brother without proper investigation. " His smile reminded MingJue of a documentary he had seen only the night before on great whites.

He felt Meng Yao touch his arm. He was almost blinded by the beatific, grateful smile. Well, he couldn't blame Xichen anymore. A man could go a great length for some dimples.

"Thanks! I owe you one." Meng Yao whispered.

MingJue felt a pleasant tingle in his spine. A-Yao was generous in his paybacks. He was in luck.

The Jins were ready to leave. Yanli waved Jin Ling's chubby fist for him.

"Say goodbye to shushu, A-Ling. Say goodbye to Gufu."

However, Jin Ling opened his mouth and said, "Bai-ya!"

Everyone paused.

"He said bye! His first words!" Jin ZiXuan was in tears. But Jin Ling protested, "Baiii-yaaa!"

As if in response, Baxia walked up to Yanli and meowed. It dawned onto people only then.

"My son's first word. It's a cat's name!"

MingJue struggled to maintain his smile as he waved them goodbye. If only ZiXuan knew the original first word his son had uttered. MingJue kept his fingers crossed that Jin Ling wouldn't say "Shit" until he was at least one.