#bats own writing

[bluerosefox]

Assassin Heir? Crime Fighting Furry? NOPE NO THANK YOU!

"Danyal, its time to end this game and return with me."

Danny should had known Clockwork had something in mind when he sent him on this mission. He knew he should had been suspicious of the time keeper when he noticed the little 'this is going to be fun' smile on his face when he sent Danny off into the portal.

"Get back here you demon spawn 2.0!"

But how was he supposed to know that he'd wake up in this world version of himself in a pit full of corrupted (AND NASTY) ectoplasim at the tender age of five or that when he swam up to the surface he'd be meeting face to face with what was apparently a cult.

"-O just spotted him a block away! I'll try to cut itty bitty bridie off!"

An Assassins Cult his, new to him, loving yet a little insane mother was in charge of (though during the few months he stayed in the compound he heard rumors and gossip from maids and others alike that if his grandfather returned from the dead he'll take over once again, no doubt punish Talia for creating another heir after the failure of the last one, most likely was going to kill Danny and that... that was can of worms Danny didn't wanna deal with yet)

"Ten bucks says they try to stab RR when we get the feral thing home"

"...Losers bet...."

Danny had lived with his mother for a while after being brought back from the 'dead' for apparently the first time, it turned out training a five year old with an actual sword and a dumbass hidden revenge seeking teacher was a terrible idea.

"I swear if this one tries to murder me like the others I'm asking Zatanna if there is a curse on me."

He dealt with her high demands of perfection, the endless training, and the constant comparisons to his apparent older brother Damain... Who didn't know Danny, or rather Danyal existed.

Nor did his father (when Danny, using his powers he's kept hidden since 'waking' up in this Realm, he sneaked his way around the base and discovered how he came into the world. And tbh he couldn't blame his mom how she made him, she was an assassin first and foremost, being naturally pregnant would had painted a target on her for to long... but he also felt it was unfair and an asshole move on his unsuspecting father as well)

"As your elder brother I demand you to stop running!"

Now don't get him wrong, he did like his new mother (total badass assassin lady and all that) and he knew she loved him in her own... deadly way. But yeah, she really shouldn't be taking care of kids. He could tell she struggled with wanting to be a normal mother but her first instinct after so many years was to be an assassin first.

Something she was trying to engrave into Danny with as well.

"Ah, hello Beloved. I see you've learned of our Danyal."

"Talia. Back away from him and leave Gotham now."

"I can not do that. The League needs an heir and since Damian refuses to return... I have decided to create a new one and I shall not be leaving until he returns with me."

"Talia."

Hence why when Danny, or rather Danyal al Ghul had gotten decent control over his powers he decided to leave the League. Again nothing wrong with the life his mom leads, to each their own, but he... really, really didnt want to be an assassin. Or an assassin heir.

So here he was, after almost a year on the run, using his powers and training to out smart and out maneuver his mother and her many band of Assassins, in Gotham. One of the last places he ever wanted to run to cause he knew his father and brother lived here.

It was just his luck that his mother had managed to intercept his train ride that passed into Gotham for a few hours and forced him to run into the city...

Add her assassins into the mix and running into Robin, who heard from Oracle his mother had been spotted chasing a young boy across the city, that same night.

After that it became a full on "catch me if you can" chase for not only his mother but for the batclan as well.

And after two whole days of chase, it seemed like the final showdown was about to begin because everyone was on top of this rooftop, his mother and her assassins on one side, his father and the batclan on the other and Danny well... he was right in the middle of all of it.

He just had to hope no one would notice him once the fighting started...

[stealingyourbones]

Everyday I exist and every day I get more and more exhausted seeing the “lol Batman looks at Danny and goes “who’s gonna adopt this kid” He’s so adoptable!” posts.

[luxaofhesperides]

For ghostlights: baby Ellie + tired Danny + Duke the baby whisperer?

He has no idea how his parents did it. 

Babies are exhausting. Toddlers more so. Any infants in the strange stage in-between? Doubly so. 

Ellie is wonderful and sweet and cute and such a terror that Danny genuinely has no idea how his parents managed to raise not one, but two kids. For all their eccentricities and absent-mindedness, he and Jazz turned out pretty well. Ignoring the whole halfa thing because that’s more his fault than theirs even if Jazz says they shouldn’t have created the dangerous environment in the first place.

That environment is exactly why Danny refuses to let Ellie go to his house in Amity Park. His parents say they’ve disabled all the weapons and ecto-sensors since he’s had to reveal himself as Phantom, but he knows that things slip their minds and if they can’t guarantee that the house is safe, then Ellie isn’t going in there. Simple as that. 

This means that they live somewhere else now. Danny had thought about it, during the hours Ellie was asleep and he was awake, exhausted and worn down to his bones, and took Jazz’s advice to accept Vlad’s offer of buying a house for him. Except he argued Vlad down to an apartment in a city of his choosing where he wouldn’t stand out too much and he would be safe, or as safe as he can be, from anyone trying to hunt down ghosts. 

So here they are. Standing in the empty living room of their new apartment in Gotham. 

Gotham may not be very safe as a city, but it’s good for two ghosts trying to pass as normal. 

Danny sighs yet again, and looks at the space he’ll need to fill. At least Vlad is footing the bill. It’s the least he can do for creating Ellie. Frostbite was the one who was able to stabilize her, though it was almost too late and resulted in her reforming as a baby, just one and a half years old. Jazz is the one who’s choosing most of the furniture, thankfully, so it’s something that Danny doesn’t need to worry about it.

It’s a new start to their lives and it feels so empty. So overwhelming. How did his parents do it? How do any parents do it?

Ellie smacks a small palm against his cheek and babbles lightly.

“I know, Ellie,” Danny says, giving her a tired smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll have this place looking good in no time.”

He adjusts her in his arms, then heads towards the bedroom. It’s the only room that has any furniture, and all that’s there is a bed, a crib, and a bookcase. There are a few boxes on the floor, labeled ‘bedroom’ and ‘clothing’ and ‘books’. Most of it came from his bedroom in Amity Park, but he’s pretty sure he caught Jazz sneaking a few things in before they closed the boxes and loaded them up into the car. 

“Can you be good for five minutes?” he asks Ellie. 

She babbles again and smacks his shoulder.

“I’m taking that as an agreement. Just let me open these boxes and start unpacking before you start causing trouble, okay?”

Ellie makes another sound, but it seems agreeable so Danny carefully lays her down in the crib and gets to peeling off the tape on the boxes. The opens the one labeled ‘bedroom’ first, finding blankets and sheets folded and stacked in vacuum sealed bags. One of them is his old childhood blanket, the one he carried around everywhere that was faded with age, barely blue, with white bunnies decorating it. 

He was so small when he had this. It makes him oddly emotional to unpack it and pass it on to Ellie, draping it over her so her pudgy little hands can grab at it. 

This is no time to cry, though! He forces himself to focus and makes his own bed, shaking out the sheets and fluffing up the pillows. He’ll worry about washing everything later; Vlad made sure to get an apartment with an in-unit washer and dryer, which means he was actually sensible while apartment hunting for Danny. 

He doesn’t mean to flop onto the bed once it’s made, but he ends up there anyways. He’s barely gotten a full six hours of uninterrupted sleep since Frostbite deemed Ellie healthy enough to leave his care. The drive up to Gotham was long and wore him down to his bones.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but he does, drifting off as he wonders, distantly, when Jazz will be back from getting them dinner.

Ellie wakes him up at dawn with a loud cry. Danny jolts awake, heart pounding in his chest as he panics because Ellie isn’t here, she’s supposed to be in his arms, where is she? And then he sees the crib, where Ellie is staring at him through the bars, and he nearly collapses with relief. 

“Morning, El,” he says, voice rough from sleep, as he picks her up. She just stares up at him, then leans forward and rests her head against his shoulder.

It’s quiet moments like these that make his heart melt. Ellie’s had a hard life already; he wants to give her a better one, this time around. 

A quick check of the time on his nearly dead phone shows that it’s barely past six in the morning, and Jazz texted him a few times. All about furniture, saying that she didn’t want to wake them and that food is in the fridge. 

It’s only the mention of food that makes him realize how ravenous he’s feeling. Danny makes a beeline for the kitchen, ignoring everything else, and pulls out the boxes of take-out Jazz left stacked in the fridge. He devours it like he’s been starving for weeks, then gives Ellie her Ecto-Jello, the only food she’s allowed to eat until Frostbite gives the okay for solid, human food. 

Once he’s got her burped and cleaned up, Danny looks out of the kitchen and realizes that Jazz was very productive while he was asleep. The living room isn’t empty anymore; a dark green couch is against the wall, a low, rectangular coffee table made of dark wood in front of it. Two armchairs are on both sides of the couch, and a television has been installed, fixed into the wall. 

Jazz is asleep on the couch. Her legs hang off an armrest and she’s drooling slightly. 

Her phone is charging on the floor, so Danny takes it and snaps a picture of her for later teasing, then sends it to himself and writes a note to her that he’s going out with Ellie to explore the neighborhood.

He’s finally feeling more settled, energized from sleep and food.

In the warm dawn light spilling in through the windows, Danny looks down at Ellie and thinks that they’ll be just fine after all. 

. . .

Four months ago, Danny had hope. He was optimistic. 

Gotham was a fresh start, a new lease of life for Ellie. It is Danny’s attempt to be a single parent, sacrificing college for Ellie, and he’s planning to go out and beat the gangs black and blue if they start anymore shootouts in the next year.

He had just gotten Ellie to sleep. She was actually peacefully taking a nap.

And then a drive by shooter raced down the street, gunshots echoing down the road, and Ellie work up crying. She still hasn’t stopped, despite how Danny rocked her, soothing her as best he could.

They had been outside when Ellie fell asleep, her head on his shoulder. He had been catching up with Sam and Tucker when the car drove by, people ducking and crying out to avoid the bullets. Danny instinctively covered Ellie and made them both intangible, saving them from any stray bullets, but they ruined her nap and he needs to make them pay for that. 

“Shh,” he soothes, “You’re okay. We’re both fine. It’s okay, El, it’s okay.” 

Her little hands clutch at his back, twisting the fabric of his shirt, and she lets out a heartbreaking wail. He pats her back, hurrying down the street to get back to his apartment building, ignoring the looks people were giving them as they passed by. 

“I know it was scary, but you’re alright. You’re always safe with me, El.”

Ellie’s cries down down a little, but they don’t stop. She whimpers, burying her face against his shoulder as he finally reaches their apartment building.

The door’s locked, which wouldn’t be a problem except Danny can’t get his keys from his pocket. He knows he has them! But his pocket refuses to relinquish them and he has to stop every few seconds to pat Ellie’s back, trying in vain to calm her down. 

“We’ll be inside in a second,” he tells her, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice, “as soon as I can get these freaking keys!”

“Hey, you alright?”

Danny startles, whirling around so fast it makes Ellie go quiet, clinging to him so she doesn’t get flung into the air. There’s a guy standing before him in a gray hoodie, looking at him with clear concern. It speaks to Danny’s level of constant exhaustion that he hadn’t clocked someone sneaking up behind him. 

The guy offers an awkward smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you or anything. Um, do you need me to open to door? I live here too.”

Danny wonders for a moment if this someone dangerous, someone hoping to hurt Ellie, but she starts to cry again and he steps to the side. “Please. I can’t get my keys.”

“I’m Duke, by the way. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

“Danny,” he replies, watching as Duke pulls out a large key ring, jangling with the amount of keychains on it, and easily opens the door. “I’ve been here a few months, but I’m usually inside. Or walking around in the mornings with this little monster.”

“That would explain it,” Duke says as he holds the door open, letting Danny in first. “I’m usually in classes at GCU, but I decided to take a mental health day after my lab, so here I am.”

Danny walks in and waits for Duke to follow, making sure the door closes properly behind them. “Thanks. How is GCU? What do you study? I was thinking of going there myself once she gets a little older and can go to school.”

“Oh, I’m majoring in English and Human Services.” He goes to say more, but Ellie wails again and Danny winces.

“I’m so sorry. That drive by woke her up and it’s really rattled her.”

“Hey, no need to apologize. I get it, Gotham is rough to kids.”

Danny tries rocking her back and forth, but it doesn’t help. He resigns himself to another hour of her crying before she exhausts herself, and makes for the stairs, going up to the fourth floor. Duke holds open the door again, then follows after them. It makes Danny wonder if Duke is planning to do something to them, then decides he can beat Duke in a fight, so it’s fine.

Duke doesn’t try to hurt them or steal Ellie away. He opens the door to their floor and stops before they do. “I’m in here,” he says, “If you ever need me to open more doors.”

“Thanks. Um, actually, I might need help opening mine?”

Duke just smiles and makes his way back to them, following them farther into the hall until Danny stops in front of his apartment. 

“If I could just get my keys,” he starts.

“Here, let me hold her for a second so you can get them,” Duke offers. Danny wants to insist that it’s fine, but Ellie cries directly into his ear and Danny, at the end of his rope, passes her over. 

Like magic, Ellie settles as soon as she’s in Duke’s arms. She sniffles and hides her face away, clutching to Duke’s hoodie, but she stops crying. They both go still, surprised, and stare down at her. 

“Seriously?” Danny says as he finally pulls out his keys, “Are you trying to say that I’m the problem?”

Ellie babbles lightly, and Duke turns his head to futilely hide his grin.

He grumbles as he unlocks the door and pushes it open. Ellie is acting as if she’s never been upset before a day in her life, making herself at home in Duke’s arms. 

“I can’t believe this. Betrayed by my own blood.”

Duke laughs as he follows Danny into his apartment, lightly patting Ellie’s back. “It’s always the smallest, cutest ones that do this.”

“Yeah? Do you work with a lot of kids or something? Used to being betrayed by the little ones?”

“I don’t work with kids per se,” Duke says, “But my foster family is a hot mess and the youngest of them likes to keep us all on our toes.”

“Family,” Danny says in a tired, fond tone.

“Family,” Duke agrees.

With his door open and Ellie calm, Danny’s ready to just lay face down on the floor for the rest of the day and not deal with anything else. He moves to take Ellie back, holding his arms out, and Duke tries to pass her over.

The key word being tries. 

Ellie tightens her grip and kicks at Danny. She refuses to be taken away from Duke, making him awkwardly try to pry her off his hoodie. Danny really hopes Duke doesn’t notice how she goes slightly intangible to make his hands fall through her arms and legs. It shouldn’t be noticeable, but it’s hard to focus on anything but a kid that clings to you, so Danny holds out for Duke’s goodwill and silence.

“As nice as it is to meet you, you need to go back to your… parent?” Danny nods when Duke looks at him in askance. “You need to go back to your parent. Okay? Come on, kid, he’s waiting for you.”

Ellie shakes her head, makes a frustrated noise, and then turns and reaches out a grabby hand towards Danny. 

She still refuses to be taken from Duke when Danny tries to pick her up again, so he settles with just letting her hold two of his fingers. 

“I’m so sorry about this,” he says to Duke, face burning. This is why he hasn’t been going out and being social since he moved in; Ellie is a handful even on the best days, and Danny doesn’t want someone to judge him as unfit to parent her and have her taken away.

Duke shakes his head, stepping closer. “It’s all good, man. I don’t mind. It’s not like I had any plans today. I’m already skipping my classes, might as well spend it with you two than sleep all day.”

“Are you sure? I’d be happy to invite you in, but I know Ellie can be a lot and not everyone wants to spend their day off with a baby.”

“I’m sure. Besides, I’d just be down the hall anyways. It’s no skin off my back, man.”

“Well,” Danny says, stepping to the side to give Duke full access to his open doorway, “Come on in, then.”

Ellie keeps them connected, one hand in Duke’s hoodie and the other holding Danny’s fingers, and though her cheeks are still red from how hard she had been crying, she’s calm now with her eyes shining with mischief. 

As the door closes behind them, Danny realizes that this is the first time someone he’s not related to has been inside his apartment. Not even Vlad has come in, always choosing to invite Danny and Ellie out for lunch instead. 

It should make him nervous, but Duke is calm and easy going and kind. 

He’s making silly faces at Ellie to make her laugh, completely at ease with her in his arms, as if he’s done this a thousand times before. 

Gotham is a second chance at life for Ellie. It’s a sacrifice for Danny, to be alone and without friends or family around. He’d been ready to give up everything for Ellie, to focus solely on raising her, but with Duke filling his apartment with laughter, he thinks that he can make a life here too.

All he needs to do is take that first step, reach his hand out, ask Duke to stick around.

He can do this.

[little-pondhead]

Danny moved to Gotham.

Freakshow is touring in Gotham.

Freakshow knows Danny is in Gotham.

Danny knows Freakshow is still after him.

Danny's faith in heroes has been shattered.

Danny turns to the only person powerful enough to run Freakshow out of town, hopefully for good.

Danny turns to the Joker for help.

The Joker is looking for a new punching bag sidekick after Harley Quinn left him.

Danny is just the perfect person to be shaped by the Joker's hands.

Danny becomes the new Joker Junior.

[msfcatlover]

Oh look. Reverse!Robins.

Bruce: “No murder.”

Damian: “No murder.”

Cass: “No murder.”

Tim: “No murder.”

Jason: “No murder for babies.”

Duke: “No murder until you can write me a researched & cited essay on why it is necessary for the greater good. Five page minimum.”

Dick: “I’m gonna murder.”

Red Hood!Steph: “I LIKE THIS ONE!”

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Robin landed on the roof next to him and Bruce could already feel the headache building. They were looking down on a young blond man with pointed ears and a large halberd on his backriding on a white horse. The guy looked like he had come straight out of a fairytale. He knew that if this was a new rogue Damian would argue about keeping the horse. Actually he would probably want to keep the horse even if he wasn't a rogue.

Deciding the guy had gotten close enough they swooped down to confront him. The man, startled, stopped his horse and pulled the large halberd off his back. He held it in front of him, as if in warning. The man looked wary of them but not afraid. They stared at eachother for a moment before the man spoke in a language neither Batman not his Robin knew.

---

Link was having a wierd day. He had literally just saved Princess Zelda a week ago (and for the second time) when he encountered some kind of demon in black and white. The Master Sword glowed in the demons presence which was all Link needed to know before chasing after the being. The thing, looking like a teen in odd clothing that reminded him of links own rubber suit, bolted into a green portal it had created.

Not hesitating he had his horse leap into it. And now he was in a strange place with no sign of the demon. After getting attacked by a man yelling in a language he didn't recognize, he switched out his sword for a halberd for that extra reach on horseback and continued on his way, leaving the unconscious man on the road side behind him.

This place was odd. Parts of some walls would light up, showing images of people and places he didn't know along with a written language he didn't recognize. He came across many people who looked at him oddly...or at least he thought they were people. They looked like Hylians but most of them were taller than the average Hylian and to Links horror they had short rounded ears. How could they hear thier gods with such tiny ears?

He was scared, but he carried on anyway. Eventually he gets confronted by someone dressed as a monster and a child. They manage to settle thier...dispute?...without violence so that was nice. He pulled a few apples and swift carrots out of his tablet-to the curiosity of the duo- and hands them to the child. The kid caught on quickly and raced off to feed his horse her favorite snacks.

Link will have to figure out how to overcome this language barrier

Bruce however, has discovered this was not a man, but a teenager lost in a foreign world and is set on adopting him.

[r0setyler]

i believe that shipping tentoo/rose and recognizing that the way it happened was fucked on the doctor's end and traumatic on the end of rose herself can coexist. saying both of these things do not contradict each other.

i can say that the metacrisis is still the doctor and say that rose was right at first to say "he's not you," because of the context rose has in the moment and the work rose had put into finding the doctor that she conceptualized as the doctor.

i can also say that he tried to manipulate her into choosing the metacrisis because that is what he believed was best for her, even though i can also say she did choose to kiss the metacrisis in her own right.

and finally, i can say, that it was fucked up he left her in norway, solely because, bro, that's a long way away from where they need to go lol.

[hood-ex]

Party at my blog on September 18th. Celebrating the day of TT's last Nightwing issue 🙌.

[oncillabrigade]

Contingency Plans

I truly believe the worst insult within in the Batfam is being told "I don't have a contingency plan for you." Because there are only two possible interpretations of that statement, right? Your family member is saying that you're either not a big enough threat to plan around (they'll figure it out on the fly) or not important enough to them to be saved from causing damage you'll regret in case of mind control or snapping after one indignity too many or whatever. It's tacitly understood that something like that WILL happen. Every single Bat agrees that it's not paranoia if the universe really is out to get you, and boy is it ever out to get them and their loved ones.

So imagine the way they react when loved ones OUTSIDE of their fucked up little circle say that. It would basically go:

Bat: Hey, you've been updating your contingency plan for me right? Friend: N-no. No, I haven't?! I don't have a contingency plan for you. Bat: Oh. Why not? Friend: What? Because I love you and I trust you! Bat: Okay, so now you wanna back peddle. Nice try. Friend: ...genuinely what the fuck is happening. Bat: Hmmph! *storms off in anger*

Whereas from the Bat's perspective, that conversation went:

Bat: Hey, you care about and respect me enough to stay apprised of my doings and keep both of us safe in the inevitable event something goes wrong, right? Friend: No, I do not?! In fact, I'm shocked you would ask. Bat: What?! Why?! Friend: Um, I changed my mind. Let me re-answer your previous question with a blatant lie meant to soothe your feelings! Bat: Wow, okay, so that's how it is. I don't appreciate being lied to. Friend: ...You know, I think I'll just play dumb about this whole thing. Bat: Hmmph! *storms off in appropriate anger* Like. Do y'all ever think about this?

[heatherthetiredwriter]

That sad moment when AO3 only has 2 works matching your search..... like please my crops are dying and only an Artemis Fowl crossover with the BatFam will save them......

[platitudinalteen]

Hi! I hyper fixate on my interests and occasionally form coherent thoughts. Currently working on a DC (Damian Wayne centric) fic and this is where you'll find updates on my word count for it!!! Started 1.1.24. Requests and questions are always welcome! <3

Update: 20k

Update: 30k

Update: 40k

Update: 50k

Update: 60k

Update: 70k

Update: 80k

Update: 90k

Update:100k

Update:150k

Update: 200k

Update:250k

Update: 300k!

Update: 350k

Update: 400k!

[on-leatheredwings]

im begging bruce to stop , begging dc to stop

[dark-twist-fairytales]

Me? Accidentally making Torbek angst? It's more likely than you think! Anyways! it's almost 2 in the morning, but beloved Torbek is here! Honestly, I really enjoyed drawing the gangely limbs. Somehow felt more natural.

Yes, he is holding the ticket from Guys Night in his hand. Why? Well... Snippet of a story underneath >:)

[Warnings for story: Mentions of medical torture and related as such. Spoilers for Torbek's time between episode 8 to episode 19]

~~~~~

It had been... Years, since Torbek last saw the others. Since he had been thrown into the chaos that was the Feywild upon the command of the carnival. Curled up on himself, Torbek stayed in the corner. Nothing felt.. Right. Trapped in a little box, frantic huffs and whimpers left him.

Years, and Torbek hasn't known a day of rest, trapped and bound to beds, to walls, or anything just to keep him restrained. This time was no different, the fluid going through and hitting his veins uncomfortably with the fear. More whimpers left the bugbear as he curled up tighter.

His jacket, that someone had given him to keep warm, was torn at the sleeves, causing him to shiver. When that had happened? Torbek didn't know, other than the pain that followed. The medical shirt was too small for him, sticking and stretching uncomfortably on his fur and the tubes that stuck out of him.

Each time he went under, it only got worse. Grabbing something from his pocket, his hands shook with the mix of fear and the cold chill he felt from the vent blowing on him. A ticket to the Witchlight Carnival. A small smile managed to tug on Torbek's lips, remembering guys night, as he hugged the golden ticket to his chest. A hiss of pain left when he pressed on the fresh tube on his chest.

However, the pain was drowned out by a voice whispering in his head, his ears dropped to try and ignore it, but... He didn't find it easy to ignore. It didn't want to be ignored, and growled in time with Torbek's verbal whimpers: "I will get us out of here. I promise that. Those friends-"

Torbek hugged the ticket close, curling up tighter around it as tears, both pain and fear, stained at the lighter fur markings around his face. "-They can't help you here... I won't stop fighting."

Despite what the voice growled, -Torbek gulping out of worry for his friends- he found that the voice in his head was scared too. Who wouldn't be? It's been years since Torbek had come around.

With the approaching steps of someone walking towards his medical door, he could feel each pin-prick of pain arising on his body, places that had been previously poked at to the point of numbing and hypersensitivity. Today was another day of testing machines. Or worse, experimenting.

He heard a whimper in the back of his mind.

He wasn't alone in his fear.

Torbek wasn't alone at all.

Torbek just had to wait.

[akkivee]

Intensely Spicy Curry Training: Hypmic Curry Drama Track TL

Kuukou: Y’all sure took your sweet time getting here! I’ve already got everything prepared!

Jyushi: But didn’t you tell us to meet you at the temple?

Hitoya: If we’re making curry, why the hell are we way out in the mountains to do it?

Kuukou: Because I just had a great idea. Check this out!

Jyushi: Ooooh, look at all this meat! So, we’re going to be using all of this in our curry?

Hitoya: Beef and chicken, huh? I guess it would make sense not cook these while inside your temple.

Kuukou: You’re half right, and half wrong.

Jyushi: What do you mean?

Kuukou: I don’t plan to make just any ol’ curry. Now it’s time for the both of y’all to mince the hell out of this meat!!

Hitoya: I didn’t know whether to expect if a corrupt little monk such as yourself knew how to cook, but I’m surprised. Instead of using something pre-made, if we pound and mince the meat ourselves, we’d get a far more superior product. Is that what you were thinking?

Jyushi: Oh, I see! That’s amazing, Kuukou-san!

Hitoya: So, where’d you put the food processor?

Kuukou: Ah?? The hell are you on? You’re grinding this meat with your bare hands.

Jyushi: …Eh?

Kuukou: Jyushi, you’re on beef! Hitoya, you’re taking the chicken! Punch it with everything you’ve got and make minced meat out of it!! This is a new training session I thought up!

Hitoya: What the hell is this fool saying??

Jyushi: B-But there’s so much meat!! Grinding it by hand is impossible!!

Kuukou: I don’t want to hear any complaints!! You don’t know that unless you try!

Jyushi & Hitoya: *reluctantly pounds the meat by hand*

Jyushi: *tearfully* …My body’s going to become minced meat before the actual beef!

Hitoya: Damn it, I can’t believe I let my guard down like this…! I shouldn’t have expected we’d simply make curry…!

Kuukou: You can’t expect to get anywhere with a weak spirit behind weak fists like that!! Lemme show you how it’s done!

Kuukou: *starts punching*

Hitoya: You bastard, those are vegetables!!

Jyushi: E-Even I could mince a tomato by hand!

Kuukou: It doesn’t matter either way!! Whether it’s vegetables or meat, all that matters is the heart you’re putting behind it!!

Jyushi: T-That doesn’t make any sense…!!

Kuukou: “Enlightenment can be attained through one thousand fists!” Don’t just keep yapping and put some energy into your hips and legs too!

Hitoya: Tch, I don’t see any way out of this… Then, I might as well get it over with…!! UWOOOOOOOOOAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*

Jyushi: H-Hitoya-san??

Kuukou: Hyahaha! There’s the effort I wanna see!

Jyushi: Guh… Because My God has unshackled the chains binding his true power, I, too, must unlock mine to continue alongside him…! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*

-------------------------

Jyushi: I-I can’t move another inch…

Hitoya: Ugh… I can’t even take the cap off my water bottle…

Kuukou: *sighs* It’s pretty pathetic to be that exhausted just from cooking.

Hitoya: You…!!!

Jyushi: But, I think it would be really nice if our training efforts could be felt by those eating our curry…!

Hitoya: …Well, I don’t think I’d say it like that, but I agree with the sentiment.

*the trees rustle and the birds chirp and there is peace*

Kuukou: The fuck are y’all talking about? There’s no point to this if the people who eating aren’t going through training too.

Jyushi: Eh?

Kuukou: Training can only be felt when you grow from the trials you’ve experienced yourself. Hopping off from other people’s efforts won’t mean shit.

Jyushi: B-but I mean, we’ll still be serving the curry to others once it’s finished cooking, right?

Kuukou: Yup. Which is why I’ve got…!

Hitoya: UWAH!! MY EYES!! IT’S IN MY EYES!!

Jyushi: That powder…!!

Hitoya: It’s red chili pepper!! Jyushi, run!! Move upwind so it doesn’t blow and stick to your mucous membrane!!

Jyushi: Eeek!!! *runs away sobbing*

Kuukou: HYAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hitoya: Kuukou, you bastard, what are you doing? Are you trying to ruin everything we worked on??

Kuukou: I’m not ruining a damn thing! This curry will be spicy so I can provide a remote kind of training!

Hitoya: Stop fucking around!! There’s gotta be a limit!!

Jyushi: *runs back over* I think there’s more chili pepper powder than ingredients now…!!

Kuukou: Then it’s just right! Now try it.

Jyushi: NO!! I will not be eating!! I absolutely refuse!! Don’t even try me!!

Kuukou: Hey stupid, watch it, that’s dangerous!! Stop fighting me and just—Ahh??

Jyushi: T-The inside of the pot is pitch black……!!

Hitoya: Obviously. Chili peppers burn easily. Haah… Let’s just remake the curry.

Jyushi: But doesn’t that mean we’ll have to mince more meat??

Kuukou: Whatever, I was thinking our “Intensely Spicy Curry Training” was made too halfheartedly anyway!! Time to give it all I got and win this championship!!

[drbatsponge]

Gotham War spoilers yet again confirm to me that Zdarsky does not give a shit about the women in Bruce's life other than Selina.

[prince-liest]

what do you think of that theory that Alastor is also an infesting/infestor demon? people say that after the new ep, Alastor and envy demon Ronaldo have some characteristics in common. like, feeds off misery, disappears in a oozing shadow, green power association and stuff. and somehow this seems connected to the theory that the Von eldritch family somehow own alastor's soul. because theyre also envy demons, and, more precisely, actually friends of the morningstar family (lucifer

Oooh - this is actually the first I've heard of this theory, but I can definitely see where people are making the connections. I don't think Alastor is an infestor demon himself because while he is emotionally manipulative, sadistic, and quite canny at reading people, it seems that is more his delightfully horrid personality rather than any preternatural advantage. Also, his actual approach to eliminating his targets is, uh, brutal and overwhelming violence, not luring people into traps and supernaturally feeding off of their misery. I think there's probably a lot of sadism and shadowy-ness going around hell in general. He also doesn't have any fishy themeing whatsoever!

But I think it would be really neat if he did have connections to the Von Eldritch family. He does have a pretty pronounced negative reaction the moment he realizes Lucifer is coming to the hotel, prior to ever meeting him, even though Lucifer himself isn't familiar with who Alastor is. Alastor's opinion could be based on reputation, but it would be fun if the real reason for his reaction was that the Von Eldritches were the ones who got their claws into his soul! And it would certainly entangle him in the Morningstar family business. Perhaps in a deeply nefarious way...

But it would also be fuckoff hilarious if it was literally just because they were trying to set their kid up with his ex-girlfriend.