#basically the plot of my fic i give an oc all my mental issues and a few helpful things then throw her in

[arson-09]

Me with tamlin i just love him so much

[seducemefanficsandheadcanons]

Ending Unplanned

Aron has gotten to know most of the incubi over the last three months of them living with her, except for Sam, until finally the two talk. Before she knows it, their tense and awkward relationship starts to turn into something more complicated. On top of that, her health issues cause more issues for her than ever before, bringing up repressed memories of her childhood.

Title from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

Also posted on Ao3

Chapter One- Unwritten

YALL!!!! FINALLY THIS IS FIC BEING WRITTEN AFTER MONTHS OF PLANNING!!!!! This chapter is pretty lame, its just setting the tone of her relationship with each incubus and introducing Melody, an OC owned by @tr1n1ty32069

That being said, I hope you like the fic! The plot set up is W E I R D so I just did the order of events when Sam and Aron get together.

I am unwritten

Can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning

The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield

“I’m home!” Aron called out as she walked into the mansion, dragging her suitcase behind her. 

It had been about three months since she’d moved into the mansion with Melody, and met the incubi. She inherited it when her beloved grandfather, Harold, tragically passed away. 

When she and Mel arrived at the mansion, they found a group of wounded incubi brothers laying on the marble floor. That caused a chain of events, from being kidnapped by devils to being chased down by a succubus princess. It had been pure utter chaos those first few weeks.

Since it had been about a month or two since they’d found a routine that worked for everyone, she felt comfortable saying yes when her mom asked her to go with her to Florida, where Aron grew up. Melody was also invited, but she had to stay for work.

They’d spend a week there, seeing family and going to the beach, and as fun as it was, Aron was just glad to be home.

Her dark purple hair was a mess from being in the car for so long, her neck sore and her eyes heavy. 

“Hey!” Melody called out as she and the incubi walked into the grand lobby. Based on her outfit and lack of her typical trad-goth makeup, Aron determined she’d just gotten home from work in the last hour or so.

Mel quickly went to Aron and gave her a hug, which she returned. “How was the trip?”

“Exhausting,” Aron sighed. “But it was fun.”

Aron gave Matthew and Damien hugs as they all talked. James was being polite as usual, asking basic questions regarding the vacation. Even though they weren’t close, they’d developed some sort of friendship. She couldn’t help but appreciate him, as he had made Melody unbelievably happy. She deserved the best, and James was giving her that.

She was closest with Damien out of the incubi, then Matthew and Erik. Her and Damien would read together occasionally, as she was helping him learn along with James. They’d sit outside and talk for hours about things he wanted to try in the human world- which she’d make a mental note of to surprise him with later.

Matthew and her made a pretty chaotic duo, to say the least. Aron could think of more than one time that she’d heard James tell Matthew not to slide down the railing of the stairs, only for her to go up there and do it with him. Or the times she’d snuck a taste of brownie batter before he was finished, which led to a full fledged food fight.

Her and Erik were insufferable. It wasn’t like Aron had never been hit on before, but Erik’s teasing remarks were constant. She couldn’t help but flirt back! However, the two couldn’t be any more platonic. It was something she’d briefly worried about, that she was misunderstanding his signs, but thankfully the two both wanted nothing serious with each other. He’d make her try on clothes and put on mini fashion shows, hyping her up with praises the whole time.

Sam was the only one she didn’t really have any sort of relationship with. They were cordial…sometimes.

Aron didn’t know what exactly she’d done to piss off the demon, but she could only assume it was a clash of personalities. She didn’t really have any issues with him, other than the fact he kissed her when they first met, using his powers to drain her of energy. However, she’d accepted the fact he was doing it as a means for healing, not for the hell of it. So she forgave him.

But, they never really talked much after that. They bickered a lot, usually about stupid things like chores. They got along well enough in group settings, but that usually meant just not talking. If they were alone, it was usually tense and awkward. He didn't seem to like her very much, which was fine with her. It was irritating, but she had more important things to worry about.

The only real positive interactions she could remember between the two of them always had something to do with the other incubi- a good example would be them laughing and joking as Matthew was being taunted by Simon Tabby. Or the time James confidently corrected Sam’s grammar, only to be wrong. They had a field day with that.

But those moments were few and far between. The times they argued over grocery orders was much more memorable.

Soon, the group conversation began to slightly overwhelm Aron. “Okay, thank you all for not burning the house down while I was gone, but I’m going to my room now,” she told them, starting to walk away with her suitcase dragging behind her. “You can come with me if you want, Mel.”

Melody walked with Aron towards the stairs, the two pausing when Erik offered to help with the suitcase. She happily let him, too tired to pretend to want to carry it herself.

Once they were in her room, Aron flopped down on her bed with a sigh of relief. She was glad she could simply take a breath and calm down after life being so hectic recently.

Now that she was taking a moment to breathe, she found herself thinking of Harold. She’d been grieving him, the fact he was gone took a while to actually register in her mind. But it had a bit after Diana left them alone.

Now, she felt guilt creeping in. Spending his money felt wrong, living in his home felt wrong. He’d given her so much during her childhood, even when he physically couldn’t be there.

And here he was again, taking care of her, without even being alive. 

She already put a large chunk of the money she inherited away in savings accounts, but the rest was still more than enough for her to take care of herself, Melody, and the incubi. 

It just so happened she’d recently had to quit her job at the hospital in the demon districts because of ongoing health issues she’d been having, like seizures. It’s a little to treat patients when you’re unsure of whether or not you’ll be able to walk that day.

Because she had to quit, she was so worried about whether or not she’d be able to afford anything without completely relying on her mother. As much as she appreciated the help, she didn’t want to need it. 

But now, that would never be a worry. That made her feel worse.

Obviously, it’d be different if her financial issues had been solved because of winning the lottery or something, but this was different. Now, every dime she spent, she’d have to remember that it was only hers because her grandfather was dead.

“I’m bored,” Aron mumbled, rubbing her face with her hands as she shook off the thought.

Melody hummed. “What do you wanna do?”

She shrugged, thinking for a moment before raising her eyebrows in thought. “I mean…we live with incubi. The possibilities are kinda endless.”

“Aron,” Melody chuckled, likely already knowing what she was going to say. “No.”

She huffed. “Well yeah, obviously I’m not going to do anything with them. But I’m just saying there's no need to be bored when you live with literal sex demons!”

“Yeah. You know what? Maybe you should,” she suggested. “If you start having sex with one of them, maybe you’ll stop hooking up with your ex’s.”

“Oh my god,” Aron laughed. “I’m gonna stop that anyways.”

“Mhm. Sure you are,” she replied, tone filled with sarcasm.

She giggled in response and closed her eyes as Melody scrolled on her phone.

The rest of the day went as usual. Matthew and James made dinner, which they all ate as a group before calling it a night. Aron laid down, hoping to be able to sleep all night after a long two days of sitting in the car.

Still her mind raced as she thought of her grandfather and the incubi. Her new life.

[oc3anawrites]

introducing my OC- Amaya Young.

you may see quite a few different OC's in my fics but in this post I'd like to introduce Amaya. (the AI image is just a reference to how she looks it's definitely not exact. My description will probably give you a better idea. Also I know she's such a basic white girl but I will have more OC's with more diverse backgrounds and physical appearance so keep an eye out for those!

Amaya's age changes based on when the story takes place but she is only a few years younger than Marc Spector.

Her physical appearance- Amaya usually sports long white hair with dyed black tips. Her eyes are a mix of a hazy blue and grey. She has a slightly warm skin tone that is a stark difference from her icy hair. Amaya has a small scar in the middle of her forehead, right above the bridge of her nose. Its about half an inch long. Amaya's features are soft but sharp at the same time. Her jaw and cheeks are defined, her eyes slightly sunk in. Her eyebrows are almost as dark as the ends of her hair and often express a lot of emotion. Amaya usually wears black clothing that is fitted to her slim figure.

Her backstory- I can't reveal much about her backstory as to not spoil the plot of the fic I'm writing but here's what I can say- Amaya is secretive, cold and blunt at times. She is impulsive and tends not to consider the consequences. Her temper can be short and she can have sudden bursts of explosive anger. She has BPD (written by someone who also does). She has a horrid fear of abandonment and when she falls in love, she goes to dangerous lengths, risking everything else to keep her favorite person safe. Her childhood was definitely not a happy one and let's just say it led to some *cough* unhealthy coping skills and the older she gets, the more she loses control over her untreated mental health issues.

She definitely won't just be a broken girl who "needs to be fixed". Her character will show her unique struggles and the way it effects her and those around her. Amaya is frustrating at times, especially with her black and white thinking. She tends not to think in the greys, assuming and judging other people and their character before giving them a chance to get to know her. She has a very hard time opening up but when she does it's like the flood gates to the worlds largest dam have just poured out in front of her. She's a little too forgiving and even though she may be untrusting, she has a soft spot for men with curly brown hair. *hint hint*. She has a hard time committing to anything, especially when it comes to love.

She is very smart and has a unique interest in Egyptology, although not nearly as smart or as into it as Steven. She just picked it up from her father. #daddyissues She is American, born in New York. (honestly I didn't know where to make her born so I decided NYC since all the avengers shit always happens there lmao) Her accent is american similar to Marcs. (except female obviously). She has traveled around the world however and even picked up a few languages and some intriguing knowledge on the way.

There will definitely be different stories that contain her as an OC but in a different way in each.

I hope you'll enjoy this complex character and maybe even some of you can relate and find understanding in her struggles throughout her character development.

[linkspooky]

Hihi!! I’ve been stewing up a storyline for my JJK ocs Raiden and Kasumi for a while, but reading all the analysis of JJK’s ending, I’m trying to find a way to (almost) seamlessly fit my story, Memento Mori, into JJK’s ending.

Memento Mori acts as a continuation of JJK, since JJK’s original ending was a little rushed. While the original ending tied up JJK pretty well, I want to explore JJK’s themes a little further and give the story (as well as Megumi, Yuji, Nobara, Maki and all the other characters) a little more room to breathe and conclude themselves before it ends. Memento Mori acts kinda as an ending party to celebrate the feats of the characters! Then quickly devolves into some more emotional themes and becomes a huge mess but it’s still a party

I really want to do this fic, yet I’m struggling a little on how to naturally continue JJK’s plot lines with Memento Mori without it seeming forced, like I’m digging up the corpse of JJK from its grave and being like “you ain’t done yet buster” 😭

I admire your metas, and I feel like you’d have a good grasp on how to conclude the cast’s inner issues.

Any tips?

I love how you guys talk about ocs and fanfiction in my inbox bring it on. It's another opportunity to talk about my ocs, hehehe.

I really want to do this fic, yet I’m struggling a little on how to naturally continue JJK’s plot lines with Memento Mori without it seeming forced, like I’m digging up the corpse of JJK from its grave and being like “you ain’t done yet buster”

I don't really have the time or mental energy to publish a review of Jujutsu Kaisen's ending especially since I loved parts of the ending and I'm mostly happy with it.

I can give you a little advice though. I would think deeply about the plots in Jujutsu Kaisen and facets of the worldbuilding that you felt were underexplored in the manga. On top of that, look at the characters whose narratives you want to continue and think about how you would like to see them further explored and like what your ideal ending would be for those characters. THink about ways to challenge those characters and force them to change.

My main fanfic series Nobody Dies au is focused around exploring characters who died too quickly in canon, or otherwise I feel the manga glossed over a lot of their development.

The fic arose from my friend who's favorite character was Junpei and was really sad when Junpei didn't get saved or get any time to develop, so I thought what about a version of Jujutsu Kaisen where the bad victims get saved.

From that point I decided on the characters I wanted to focus on. Junpei was the main character, I also was upset by the brutal deaths of Nanako and Mimiko so I kept them alive and gave them arcs and more complex personalities.

The first three fics are basically a Junpei focused trilogy, Exponential Decay a prequel, Exponential growth setting up Junpei's character and the bond between him, Nanako and Mimiiko. Then, Butterfly Curve as a full rewrite of the Young Fish and Reverse Punishment arc where Junpei lives.

Then there was Three's company which explored Shoko. The next two fics Werewolf and Inugami clan was also a story where Mai lived and her character arc was just as important as Maki's. She basically became the secondary main character after Junpei. I also didn't want to neglect Maki so I gave her a fic in Tyler Durden.

Finally my most recent completed fic Digital Love is a rewrite where Mechamaru and Miwa live, that gives Miwa much needed character development and doesn't kill the disabled character.

Sorry for ranting about my fics but I was hoping giving an example of what I decided to focus on in my fic series might help you out! Thanks for sending the ask I hope this helped!

[arcane-ish]

Silco bunnies

I’m not much of a fanfiction writer (English is not my first language and I’m flat out not very good), but if I could write, these are the plotbunnies on my mind after that season 1 ending.  (in the unlikely case that anybody wants them they are all up for adoption, do with them what you will)

Silco’s Happy Life

Basically a feel good story about Silco x anyone (Reader? Viktor? Sky? Basically anybody he doesn’t have much of a pre-established relationship with) where Silco falls in love with X and through learning to open his heart to X begins to realize that he also had to teach Jinx to make friends and open her heart to others again, beecause with X he sees that it worked out for him despite his trust issues. 

The darkly “Happy End” version of season 1/Silco in jail 

Where Jayce is actually okay with Silco turning himself in, Silco goes to jail, Jinx returns to Vi, but she visits Silco in jail regularly Hannibal Lecter style and he grumpily and misantrophically comments on whatever Jinx tells him is going on in her life. 

(if that fic had a plot it would probably Jinx asking Silco’s advice on various things that are happening in the aftermath of Silco going to jail and at one point she stops coming and Silco freaks out and breaks out of jail to ave her from whatever has happened to her)

I could also imagine that as a side story to where after Silco trades himself in to give Zaun independance Cait makes her parents take in Vi and Jinx and Jinx is super freaked out by living in such an opulent house and not quite trusting Cait’s parents and again coming to Silco to ask advice from im. 

That Silco/Vander snarky coffeeshop AU

Basically Silco and Vander as this cranky married couple who run a coffee shop together and raise their kids. In my head, Silco is constantly in a bad mood, hates each and every single one of their customers and constantly comes up with ideas how they should use their coffee shop to distribute drugs in their pastries. Maybe the plot would be that their daughter Vi falls in love with the beautiful girl Cait who is a customer and Silco can’t grumpily eye roll hard enough. Jinx is the adorable daughter who tries to get him to ease up and be happy for Vi. 

Silco’s name

Okay we know from Mel and Cait that at least some people do have firstname/lastnames in Piltover. Ever wonder whether Silco is a first or a last name? Or even just a nickname? What if he has a secret first name that he usually doesn’t share with people. What would it be? [partly inspired by the chembaron’s rant on how Silco “had the name, had the look” or something along those lines and that’s why they trusted him and looked to him as a leader]

I could picture that being the topic of like a Silco&Vander back story, or a Reader/OC fic. 

Ghost!Silco

After the end of season 1 Silco turns into a spirit that follows Jinx. He actually can’t interact with her (for now). He basically watches her actions and mentally/spiritually head desks constantly at how stupid everybody around Jinx is and how from his perspective they are doing everything wrong. Maybe eventually at the end he can send her a sign. 

Hey they could do the Aphelios & Alune thing from League. 

Vander and Silco’s first meeting

I just really wonder how they met. What did Vander think of SIlco when they first met? Did they meet as equals, either with both of them being nobodies, or were both of them gang/community leaders already at that point? Or was one of them already a leader and the other one was an upstart? 

Did Sllco already have his eye back then, or did that happen later? 

Some ideas that float in my mind maybe Vander is already a successful street gang leader (kind of like Vi in Act 1) and Silco is like this angry, scrawny, hungry kid? Or maybe it’s later in life and Vander is like maybe one of the miners who tries to organize the miners and it’s more a union meets organized crime thing? Or I could picture Vander like boxing and fighting people for money in underground pit matches (maybe for some angsty reason) and Silco sees his potential? 

Time Traveler

Okay maybe that’s on odd one. So Silco wanted like the nation of Zaun right? But we know that Zaun does become a thing right. So in a way Silco succeeded? Like my headcanon is the council survived through Mel having some sort of protective magic going on and against all expectations the council decides to stick with their decision. Maybe Sevika takes over the underworld and makes sure their side of the deal is upheld. 

Anyway the future there is a scholar of the history of Piltover and Zaun and they become curious about the person who negotiated Zaun’s independance and what happend to them and how could it happen they were killed. So they travel back in time to witness the events and they find out how it was a daughter who was his undoing. 

Jilco domestic father-daughter fluff

I think there’s already a couple, like Silco braiding Jinx’s hair or Jinx freaking out about her first period, so maybe some of them might already been covered. 

Silco reading Jinx a book for bed time. Maybe Jinx is hesitant because that used to be something with her family. Maybe Silco has one from his childhood. Maybe he thinks they are stupid.and doesn’t like the plots and Jinx asks him about his childhood, whether he never had anybody read to him. Maybe Silco gets creative and sarcastically reads her stuff from the paper instead or maybe they make up stories. 

Jinx’s first birthday when she’s with Silco. Silco freaking out about what gift to get her or whether to get her a gift at all. Maybe instead of a present and a birthday party he takes her on a trip instead to see some thing or another. And maybe give her a lecture. Or maybe his gift is not giving her a lecture for once. 

Speaking of taking trips together. Silco at a carnival. Suffering on a merry go round. 

Just Silco walking through Jinx’s lair and looking at and thinking about the various things she has there and what they mean in his mind. 

Jinx walking in on Silco having sex with Sevika. Okay, I generally don’t think that Silco and Sevika are likely to have that kind of relationship, but maybe they tried it at least once and it was super awkward and I think Jinx’s reaction might be hilarious. (btw, would love some POV of Sevika on Silco, what exactly he ever did or said that drew her to him) 

I feel like Silco’s clothes should have their own backstory

Who makes them? At what point did he start dressing like that? Was this something his parents taught him? Something he decided on his own? (somebody pointed out that he hates the topsiders but he has adopted their style) 

Silco versus the council

I feel like we were robbed of a scene where Silco faces the Pilotover council and rants at them. 

Also maybe Silco/Jayce hatesex as they negotiate various details of their deal or have to find a way of co-existing and working together (ie let’s say taxes and trade between the cities or some sort of infrastructure project like a train or an elevator). 

[lafayetteworld]

Robin 2021

Okay, so it's been a while since I've been actively posting on tumblr, mainly because I haven’t had time. That being said, the commentary I am about to make on the Robin 2021 series is not meant to offend anyone and while I am particularly critical, I also acknowledge that some people genuinely like it/prefer the direction its's going in. And that's fine. But I did want to break down why I feel the current series is just 'meh' to me at the moment and it’s not necessarily because Damian is potentially being shipped with a newly introduced character.

Please be aware, that there are lots of spoilers. 

So, to start off, I am a big fan of the older Batman and Robin (2009) series, where Damian had partnered up first with Dick and later Bruce (2011). I do no think they are flawless, certainly. I think, in particular, the Nobody plot - excluding of course the interactions between Batman!Dick and Robin! Damian which are gold - was very good. In just a handful of issues, I think we were offered a great insight into Damian's character and how layered he is. 

My first thoughts when I heard about Robin 2021, based on the announcement: Damian will follow his own path, for some reason he retains the Robin moniker which is weird but okay, it does seem like something he'd do I suppose. He will participate in mortal kombat-sort-of-tournament, which will showcase his abilities and in the process, 'he will seek his own destiny' (which I believe was a line used in the actual announcement). The reason he wants to win? Initially, it appeared to be only because he wanted to prove to be the world's best fighter -- which by the way, how is only a tournament of this level only coming up now? Anyways, ignored that. Not a big deal. The idea of watching Damian fight different opponents was appealing either way.

The art of those comics is perhaps nowhere as striking/appealing as Robin 2021 and there's certainly not as many elements to it, but there was just something about it. I stopped reading comics after, for reasons I can't recall but I do remember finding out that Damian was killed off sometime after. I was super heartbroken over it but luckily I found out about it right around the time DC decided to bring him so really I had to wait a short while to see the little shit being Robin again.

I am not as familiar with the arc on Alfred's death but I know Damian watched what was basically his grandfather figure die in front of his eyes. How it was addressed after was rather poorly and that's a discussion for another time, just as it is that hot mess of Gleason's Titans.

 My hopes may have been too high in thinking we will be offered the introspection we'd seen in Batman and Robin, or him deciding what type of vigilante he wants to be. Like who remembers Damian admitting 'sometimes I don't know who I am or what I want' or him saying he does not wish to be like Nobody. That was so poignant.  

First issue of Robin 2021 was a disappointment. I know that there's a lot of damage to the character that had to be addressed but why did he die from like the beginning? Why is it the first thing we see is the author's OC defeat him? I mean, we really didn't need that to find the tournament's rules. Anyway, I was so sold on the art that I could have overlooked all that, except then the art became inconsistent so.....

Do I think Flatline's design is awesome? Yep. Do I like that she is potentially a badass female fighter? Sure. Do I like her abilities? Somewhat? They haven't been explored that much. But to me, having an OC appear out of nowhere and kill the character I was hoping to watch mature/develop is a bit underwhelming. Then, we start getting references of how poetic it is that Damian may fall in love with the first girl that kills him. I thought it was funny at the beginning but subsequent issues only seem to point that actually, the author does want to use Flatline/romance in this journey of growth that Damian is undergoing. I mean, we really shouldn't be romanticizing that she killed him? The girl is serious about winning too. That she caught him off guard is actually rather awesome but I don't think it had to mean anything more than Damian meeting a potentially dangerous fighter and that he needs to be less reckless.

Damian is a pretty complex/difficult character with a lot to figure out. Why does he need a girlfriend? Why can't he have friends that helps him grow or mentor figures? Him and Rose have such a great dynamic, for example.

I see a lot of people saying 'well, he's a teenager boy so it's normal'. Yeah of course it is. But why can't it be the opposite? Damian isn't a normal teenager. Out there, may be teenagers who feel the same. They don’t care about this stuff. 

It is so frustrating, and underwhelming. Not because there's anything wrong with Damian having a crush. Not because there's necessarily anything wrong with Flatline. But because there's no need.

Why is it just because he's a teenager he has to have a romantic interest? If romance is introduced in a plot, surely it doesn't have to be just because 'he's a teenager'. And if he does, why does it have to be an OC that hasn't been explored very well? Flatline could be a seriously cool character without needing to be a romantic interest for Damian and vice versa, Damian has so much to figure out on his own. So for me it's not the shipping that’s an issue, it’s the reasoning and how it may perpetuate clichés when there’s other angles that could be explored. 

Also, why the hell is Alfred used to drive Flatline's likeability? If Alfred is Damian's guilt manifesting, then that's actually Damian thinking that?

'I like this one, Master Damian.'

Seriously. I really hope we end up finding out that was tied in with Flatline's ability or something. So, Williamson won't explore Damian's guilt over Alfred but he'll give us a panel where Alfred (or a manifestation of him) is basically giving his thumbs up for his OC. That doesn’t sit well with me. Not so early in the series, anyway. 

Why is this whole manga thing keep coming back? Yes, Damian reads manga. I loved this addition and I think it's great that Williamson actually brought it in. The fact that it was Flatline who found it seems cliché. And no, I don't think it's a parallel between the shojo manga characters and them two. I really hope that particular manga has a deeper meaning than that. The fact that we keep seeing the blood sprayed (or is it cuts? not sure) on it does seem to hint at that.

There were some good moments. Damian and Dick. Basically every single interaction between Damian and Ravager. The whole Damian and Conner could have been developed better, because it seemed rather sudden they had a heart to heart when Damian can be such a distrusting little shit. Damian reuniting with Goliath.

Why is it that we're five issues into this series and it's all over the place? I don't dislike it. The art is great, although there's so many inconsistencies. But it's been super hard to feel in any way about it other than just 'meh'.

Issue #6 was boring. I didn't mind Flatline and Damian analysing other fighters, it was interesting actually, but that it's still being framed as heading towards a romantic relationship is so.....well, eugh.

Overall, I just don't feel there's enough...substance? Damian does interact with a wide variety of characters and there are a lot of things going on - batfamily searching for him, Ra’s Al Ghul (which was funny yet so odd the way he was characterized), the whole tournament and magic island, so on.

Flatline is not the issue for me, but rather one part of why the series has not managed to appeal to me. I do feel there's a bit too much of her. Or rather, there's not enough of her as a character and too much of the whole 'they're teenagers so they'll have to end up having a crush on one another because he's a boy and she's a girl who literally stole his heart'. Like, I wouldn’t mind having Flatline or other fighters background explored, just to see the types of people they are and so on. 

I wish there'd more of Damian's inner thoughts too. If not that, then give us more fights. Not just snippets. It's a tournament. Let's see how badass they all are. Damian’s fight scenes in #6 were beautiful but brief. I hope the next issues will give us more of that.  As someone who does like Damian x OC fics, I can’t blame the author for wanting to hype their own OC, but I am also a great fan of friends to lovers, slow burns, friendships can be just as great as romantic relationships, of taking the time for mental/emotional growth. 

Anyways, if you've made it to the end of this commentary, I applaud you. Once again, if you do like the whole Damian x Flatline thing, that's cool. I don't, but I do understand to an extent why people find it appealing. And if you think the Robin 2021 series is amazing, then I am happy for you -- I wish I could be this enthusiastic about it.

P.S just saw the cover for issue #7 or is it #8 ? I think I may cry.

[hyenazzocinfodumpletsgo]

Ima copy + paste a tonn of stuff onto this, becasue perfect thing to add anything i have rn about my lil guy to here

'chews on hoodies, strings, anything, has little teeth marks cus his little fangs and he doesnt realize he collects rocks and when he met the ninja he gave each of a lil rock that looked like em in some way isn't an official ninja an doesn't have a power yet, he's just a very silly kid (back story later cus i wanna write a whole fic of it) he helps clean and fix stuff on the bounty meets everyone at the after nadakahn incident thing happens he doesnt have a room at the start so he just crashed in a broom closet theres so much im just very excited becus the sillyyy'

'dudes only power (he doesn't know about it for a very long time, complicated story stuff i will expand later) he can shapeshift but only between his human form and animals. he really likes to take the form of raccoons and dogs, so like,,,, dogboy asher is so real he turns into a kinda big brown lab mix because it suits his personality and hes just goofy silly'

'asher gets stuck in different forms if he's to low on energy

like after a fight or just intense training hes so physically and mentally drained he can't undo it so he is just kinda stuck, even with basic forms he would normally not have an issue with

adds angstish OR comedic stuff to the plot for oc*

imagine him just being stuck as a cat

they just have a pet cat for like an hour on the bounty, hes just chilling, knocking glasses off of counter tops

and then poof

back to his human form all a sudden'

'adding onto my earlier thought: he gets stuck quite ofter when he first tries to use his power so the others kinda have to help him with stuff like getting to his room if he cant use doors, (like if he has paws as say a dog?) and get him food cus he cant get to it later wu sets up a backup stash of snacks for if he's stuck and cant get help but one of the first times he's stuck it just feels so wrong and scary he freaks out a lot He ends up having to spend the night with one of the others cus he's scared of everything, struglling to sleep or stay calm he eventually chills out and by the time he's awake hes back to its original human form most of the times especially at the start he has to keep doing that buut eventually grows more used to the feeling of being shifted he aslo has a hard time dealing with bigger/more complicated forms (say like a bear, really big animal) and it leaves him more exhausted so he has to be stuck a bit longer along with that same idea, the bigger the form, the worse injuries he already had get, and more can happen from the gain in size he has a stash of bandages on him whenever he leaves the bounty after awhile also small forms like sparrows and cats are his preffered forms, and sometimes he with just shift into them to fly around or take a break the others take that as an excuse to cuddle cat/dog form, cus fluffy lil guy (i therapy comes in fluffy animals/hj) also my guy can't swim very well, even shifted into aquatic creatures, so he avoids it and hangs out with kai if they go swimming'

'thinkin abt my silly shapeshifting dude,, asher in the movie would be sm hurt but also so silly hes so goofy, but man people don't like him at all. He hangs out mostly by himself but sometimes around the ninjas after they offered to let him crash at a lunch table with them. friendship is stored in giving someone an oreo as a token of aprecciation/hj

no but actually its like how animals give others that they like a rock or something similar he does closely relate to animals and picked up tons of characteristics off of them mainly crows and collecting/gifting shiny objects to people

He gives jay little pair of bracelets and some other shinyy trinkets he found on the ground as a present becus the silly and the ultimate silly being bsfs, or tbh bfs (me tryna actually do ships with ocs is so fuzzy brained, theyre all gay and silly, and hes to emotionally immature to ever work out in a relationship, barely does in friendships) he gave cole a cd he found at the 99 cent store across town because the art was pretty Nya constantly gets little screws and shiny pennies he finds zane didn't exactly get why asher does this, but still takes the random funny shaped rocks and pinecones kai gets a lot of silly knicknacks that asher shoves into his pockets when he is walking around lloyd recieves lots of rocks of the very specific kind, where part of the look green, as well as he found a green crystal peice and gave it to him hes just very silly he also gave wu a gold coin he found on the ground just as a way of trying to get out of cleaning once

He also carries a little bag around with him full of oreos and little plastic bags its how he stores the most shiny things he wants to gift the others, each of the bags have a really messily written name on them to corelate to each ninjas : p'

'asher calls pixal "pixie stix" after he tries them he has a lot of random nicknames for the others but that one is my favorite one rn'

there is so much more but thats all the stuff i have in one place atm,,

im so incrediably normal about him ok.

Hey. Hey you. 

Yeah you. 

Reblog this post with a ramble about your ninjago oc(s). 

(If you want to ofc. No pressure /gen)

[thefairyletters]

✨ Spooky Recs✨

I read a lot of fanfictions... More than I am proud of. I thought I should recommend as I go before I lose sight of their existence among the sea of my favorites.

Since past few days I have been craving for some creepy, unnerving fanfics that will keep me restless and awake at night. I remembered my favorites and wanted to read more of the kind so I looked up, patiently going through each story that sounded compelling. I also revisited old stories for nostalgia's sake.

Of course, rare as they are, in Naruto fandom no less, it's even harder to find a horror and mystery fic that is well written, not dropped under 2 chapters, and really keeps your attention.

🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹

Genre: Horror, Mystery, Comedy

I've rated 4 aspects of the work -

Writing – I don't judge writing based solely on the grammar and vocabulary. I also consider how the author expands upon a subject, if they are consistent with the facts, if they are able to keep the attention of the readers regardless of their creative writing skills.

Characters – If the characters are well-developed, in their given character, if OCs have any real significance to the story.

Plot – How gripping is the storyline, if the story sticks to its original plot, the structure of the story, plot holes.

Flow – Mother-of-slow-burn, slow-but-steady, steady, fast, I-am-speed

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When the flowers cry : TCOOKIES777 || M || AO3/FFN || SasuSaku || Goth Horror || Post-Canon, set during Blank Period || Ongoing

When one of the greatest medical-nin in the world goes missing in what should have been a simple delivery to the Land of Spring’s Hidden Snow Village, the rest of Team 7 must reunite to find her. But even the most powerful team of shinobi will find themselves challenged in a battle against the supernatural. With Sasuke's return, vengeful ghosts of the past will test him and his love.

My thoughts : One of the best stories I've read in a while, and top tier SS stories. I read this in one sitting. I never listen to music while reading, preferring silence, but for this one, I suggest you do as the author says. Also, keep some tissues and food with you. This story is major in mystery and minor in horror but otherwise full of SS fluff.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Steady, if a bit confusing (but that's why it's mystery)

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Kyuro : silver_shot || T || AO3 || SasuSaku || Mystery || Post-Canon || Complete

“Oh,” says Naruto, “well, its sort of like that. Except in this village, the story has a way more darker ending – it basically goes like this: the girl and the guy plan to run away together. The guy steals a bunch of treasure, and stashes it away. But then, when he goes to get the girl at her village, he kills her and decides to run away with all that money. But then he is killed by the guards of the girls village and now they're both dead and the treasure is hidden away somewhere”. Sasuke stares blankly at the blond, “that story makes no sense”.

My thoughts : I know you must be thinking the same thing as Sasuke – "makes no sense". I did too, but it's a pretty cool short story. It lies on the funny, creepy side that slowly starts to lose its funny touch. SS makes stupid mistakes later on but it could be because they are MCs. The ending is very ambiguous. It's not my favorite mystery but it is something. Enjoyable read but not something I will pick again.

Writing: 8/10

Characters: 8/10

Plot: 8/10

Flow: Fast

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Moon stuttering in the sky : xfrinz || T || AO3 || Gen || Mystery || Pre-Shippuden || One-shot

Kakashi is suspicious of many things about Haruno Sakura. Too many things about her don't make sense, with too many incongruous explanations.

My thoughts : Author of this story just summarised Pre-Shippuden in less than 4k words and made some tiny changes to it. Not much though. One of my favorite gen fics yet. Read it if you haven't yet. You'll feel more sad than thrilled tbh. But worth it.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: I-am-Speed

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Breath mints : silver_shot || T || AO3 || SasuSaku || Comedy-Mystery || Post-Canon || Ongoing (maybe)

Their home no longer exists with the life it once had – in fact no settlement thrives anymore; they exist only in a snapshot that contradicts time itself. Families within their own homes sleep in a slumber that they cannot wake from. Those that were chatting on the street prior to the event simply drop their heads and remain unresponsive.

My thoughts : I picked it up for Mystery but I stayed for Comedy. But of course that's not to say supernatural elements in this story is not it, but it sure pales in comparison to effortless humor in this story. Lee and Kiba pair is something you don't see often but they get along too well here. Charactisation is on point as well. SS angst! + NS angst (but it's downplayed)

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Steady

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The Curse : sincerelyLen || T || FFN || SasuSaku || Horror || Post-Canon || Ongoing

Team 7 is unexpectedly assigned an S-Ranked Mission involving an unsolved mystery of 10 years. An eerie adventure that will test their teamwork, strengths, and greatest fears. Do you believe in Curses?

My thoughts : My all-time favourite horror Naruto fanfiction. To me, this sets the standard of how mystery and horror elements should be handled. I have never been able to get this story out of my mind even it's been years. Perfect charactisation of Team 7 with Smart-yet-Stupid!Sakura, I-can-fight-aliens-and-reanimated-corpses-but-keep-ghosts-away-from-me!Naruto and I-dont-get-paid-enough-for-this!Sasuke. I especially love OCs here. They kinda reminds me of Pillars from KnY. You must read this story, loosely based on Zombie apocalypse + curse concept.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow-but-Steady

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Silent High : Istoria || T || FFN || Gen || Mystery || Post-Canon || Complete

A bit of the Silent Hill series mixed in with Naruto. Trapped in an illusion whose rules are unknown, they struggle to find answers before darkness consumes them.

My thoughts : One of the best mystery fanfictions I've read. I especially loved how this story handled Genjutsu in the best possible way it could without it turning into some cliche, ghost story. Though really, this story has shown what my greatest fear actually is. I will never be able to leave my back open to a wheelchair. This story has simple writing yet it gives you creeps with the twists and turns. A must read one because it is unlike any other in this list.

Writing: 9/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Steady

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Silence of the Damned : Daystar Clarion || T || FFN || Gen || Psychological Horror, Mystery(?) || Pre-Shippuden || One-Shot

When Naruto wakes up to a dead body in his bathroom, he begins a quick spiral into madness.

My thoughts : Listen to Halsey's Control while reading this. Quite chilling, deals with mental issues and morbid but in a fascinating way. It gives a new meaning to Dark!Naruto, but one that actually makes sense. I never saw the ending coming... I had something else in mind and I was convinced it would be, but nope. Here's a sequel to this One-Shot (Uzumaki's War) which I never picked up.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Slow-but-steady

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To the Victor : Letta || T || FFN || NaruSaku || Psychological Horror || Shippuden || One-Shot

Naruto loses the fight and Sakura is a trophy of war.

My thoughts : A very twisted NS, if you squint. It's not horror but it might as well be... it is still a disturbing story to see from the eyes of Sakura. Quite chilling to be in Sakura's shoes. But I love this because it is one shot and I loved the ending.

Writing: 9/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 8/10

Flow: Steady

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Under the Skin : BukkakeNoJutsu || T || FFN || Team 8 || Body Horror || Pre-Shippuden || One-Shot

Your actions don't make you a monster. Your reasons do.

My thoughts : There's a reason why Shino is my favourite team 8 member. In my opinion, Shino is also one of the strongest Shinobi of his generation. His clan techniques are just that horrifying. This story is testament to that. He is so terrible.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow-but-steady

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Instant Message : Keelah || T || FFN || SasuSaku || Murder mystery || Modern AU || Incomplete

She gave him names to kill, in order not to be killed herself. But having blood on her hands was turning out to be much worse than dying. "…There's still round 2���3…4…" When does this game end? She asked. "Don't you see, Sakura?" He said, "It never does."

My thoughts : I read this story a long time ago and have read this twice. Personally, it has the most interesting concept of all stories in the list. It reminds me of Vocaloid series, "Bookmark of the end". Kind of. To those who are thinking of picking this up, go ahead! It's a great book and has one of the best suspense I've read in Fandom. BUT, it has been stopped in mother-of-all-cliffhangers and Author is MIA for 4 years now. But, all things considered, it remains to be one of the best stories I've read.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Steady

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Monomoth : Ohtze || M || FFN/AO3 || SasuSaku || Horror || AU || Incomplete

Everything ends, eventually. Eight years after the war, Sakura's unhinged and Sasuke's obsessed. The fields are filled with corpses.

My thoughts : I read this story right after "The Curse", my favourite. From what I remember, Sakura and Sasuke are both mentally deranged, in different ways. Lots of death and gore to stomach, so not for weak readers. There's no speak of fluff in this one. Zero, Zilch, Nada. I wouldn't call it your classic 'Horror', but it is very disturbing, so psychological horror is more like it. Don't eat food while reading this one. Did I mention how Sakura is mentally disturbed beyond help in this one? And Sasuke is obsessed. If these suit your tastes, go ahead.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow

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I hope you enjoy this list. Let me know your opinion in comments.

[the-ghost-king]

what’s your giant wishlist for the nico solo book? like plots, backstories, tropes stuff like that

Anon I was literally writing the Nico solo series myself I just gave up after... 6 years (give or take a bit) due to personal struggles with the quality, and a lack of fandom interest with the piece once I finally took to uploading.

Chaptered fics don't get much interaction anymore in the PJO fandom (with a few exceptions), and especially ones that don't include Solangelo or Percabeth right off the bat... And although interaction isn't the only important aspect of uploading a fic, it's definitely helpful to at least know it's resonating with some people.

I have TTC entirely drafted from Nico's perspective and I have his full childhood in Italy drafted out, as well as most of Maria and Hades relationship. There's honestly too much information I have stored in my head to go through it all, I had the entire storyline from TTC through BoO drafted (in my head) before ToA was even released... Everything I do have is on pen on paper though so I can't copy paste it

Right now I have the works on hiatus because I was working through some mental health stuff at the time, but I've also been considering changing aspects of Nico's childhood that I'm writing and publishing that work eventually... It would be entirely original and the Greek mythology aspect would be removed from it, and it would focus more heavily on an OC I created as from Nico's perspective than on Nico himself.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with that idea though, I don't want my Ao3 account attached to me if I ever do become a published author (I wouldn't mind saying I wrote fics but directing people to your specific account is more extreme lol). This means that I would have to modify many aspects of Nico's past or remove it from the story, which is impossible since Nico's story exist solely because of his past.

The big issue I had with quality was getting the characters to be more 3D and avoid mischaracterization... Although I felt I was doing okay with this aspect on Nico, I especially struggled here with Bianca for a multitude of reasons...

However, I was taking this project much more seriously than most when I first began it, I even had my first beta-reader during the original uploads! But as fore mentioned for many reasons both personal and otherwise the project fell short and came to a stop.

I would possibly consider restarting the project if I had help, because I know now how much work it is... I have mixed feelings on receiving this help though as well, and although I'm interested in help if it's available I'm in no current position to begin work right now on the piece because I would have to draft out more stuff to make the plot coherent to someone not in my brain

Anyhow anon, here's a link to the series I had started work on, maybe you'll find some enjoyment there! I originally had more uploaded but I took it down because I was unhappy with the quality, but there's some there to hopefully appease you and anyone else interested!

I know the story also says it's discontinued, this isn't necessarily true, but I would rather say discontinued than get someone's hopes up with the idea of it being a simple hiatus. I also know this probably wasn't what you were looking for as an answer and I do apologize for that, but the way I had been working on this was much bigger than something I could ever fit in a single post.

Although here's a photo of a chart I was making to understand my thoughts better if you're interested:

You'll notice the names of the stories, and the basic arc outline of them... I did realize after making this (over a year ago I made this now) that the "yellow arc" would likely be something that happens around when Percy is dipped in the Styx, although I didn't add that. The weird off shooting lines were to be short stories, detailing Nico's time in Tartarus, his rescue of Hazel, a fic dealing with memory, and a shorter fic (may be 3-5 chapters or so) going through other adventures between the end of Pjo and the time we didn't see him in HoO (excluding Hazel and Tartarus which were to be seperate fics).

I have some aspects of things I was planning to write in the story that can be seen in my quick draft of Will's "origin story" here. Although this does mostly revolve around Will there's some discussion of their meeting, and how they met and grew to know one another. Will was also (in my story) to be an allegory of someone else from Nico's past.

I had also planned out a short one shot of an epilogue as well for Nico's story...

This is all to say though, despite how I may have sounded within this, I am still very much interested in a Nico series, and I think if Rick writes a solo book it should be the story of Nico's childhood- but I do think Rick would fuck it up irreparably, so in an ideal world I would write Nico's story... I would also trust @glassamphibians with the story, and I would trust them with characterization much more than myself too!

This was a lot and not exactly what you asked for so I'm going to stop now 😅

I'd also like to apologize for putting this in the tags without a "read more" although the length of some of the stuff I've seen in the Nico tag lately... I don't feel too bad, although I would like to thank anyone who has read this all!

[lumilasi]

I haven't read Reanimate, but I'm curious as to why you grew to hate the original take on it so much, to the point you chose to revamp it? What things did you change then? Most authors I know wouldn't necessarily bother doing such a big rewrite(?) So I'm also curious why you chose to go ahead anyway. I hope my questions aren't bothersome or anything, I'm just curious like said! Keep up the good work!

Ah, I guess it might be a bit unusual for somebody to re-write parts of a fic so much while not completely starting from scratch? Especially fic that is already some years old. (or maybe it does happen commonly, IDK honestly haha)

Well, the main reason why I chose to revamp the second half of the fic instead of maybe rewriting the whole thing, was because the first half was totally fine for me. It was just the league parts I disliked, and the same time I still really loved Reanimate's story as a whole, hence I ended up doing a partial revamp instead of full rewrite. (also I guess I had a lot of time in my hands at the time heh)

(Also that fic was my first ever on the fandom meaning it's nostalgic, and served as an origin story for my favorite bnha oc's, so I wanted to make sure I was happy with it)

But yeah, to go more into detail about why I disliked the league portrayal, as well as what I did with my character in the story (this is gonna be a long explanation so please bear with me lmao) ;

Tomura's portayal felt too much like being stuck in his first impression, when timing vise he should already have matured quite a bit

His interactions with the league, albeit kinda funny, also felt too OOC at this point. He was acting too childish for what I wanted/the point in time the fic takes place at

Basically I felt he was too much of a manchild when at this point in time he's already matured quite a bit in canon (and some more in the fic au given it's timed some years AFTER canonical timeline)

In Kain's case, I kinda got too stuck on his source of inspiration (a horror game villain) and made him too one-dimensional and creepy from what I really wanted to do. He's very stoic and cold yes, but not THAT level of psychotic.

I basically felt Kain needed more nuance and humanity, because including an oc in a fic was ALREADY kind of tricky, so I wanted to make absolutely sure I actually liked what I wrote with them, and that it's of good enough quality to not feel too jarring and out-of-place among the canonical characters. (of course how well I managed to do that is up to the reader)

Kain's original take didn't really work for how I wanted it to affect the civilian Tenko. He was too, well, monstrous/felt nonhuman even as a kid for what I really needed. I needed him to be somebody Tenko could kinda sympathize with/someone who could sympathize with Tenko. My original take kinda failed miserably at that OTL

To go back to Shigaraki, he was also being too harsh/mean to his friends. Basically everything about his portrayal lowkey sucked for me lmao

As for more detail about the changes...well there's too much to describe, but for Tomura and others the biggest change was with their interactions; Tomura is still jumpy and snarky, but less so. Also while his friends do goof around and tease him like in the original, they turn serious as soon as he leaves, discussing and mulling over why he's acting so strange. Tomura also has picked up on the fact he feels "off" in some way, and wonders why he's acting so freaked out all the time/seems to struggle to think straight. (the reason for this is part of the revised plot)

There are two significantly changed scenes in mind though that I could mention, as they have a big impact on the narrative in a way;

First one is the flashback Tenko has about his time kidnapped by Kain's dad. The moment where Kain ends up killing bunch of people working (unwillingly) for his father. In original version Kain kills them on purpose, because their terrified/traumatized thoughts were causing him mental strain. While this latter is still the case, in the new take on the scene Kain does it accidentally, as he loses control of his quirk. This change was highly important IMO, because it shows better why Tenko might've sympathized with him, and tried to convince Kain to come with him and All Might later when Tenko was being rescued. It also better establishes that Kain's not some inhuman evil/creepy horror villain, but more typical origin story for a BNHA villain. Basically what I originally wanted out of his character, but failed to do lmao

Second one is at the end, when the league are taking their leave. This deals more with the foreshadowing for Reclaimed, but basically in the original Tenko gives bad Dabs something to use potentially to take Kain down if he plots something. Given I completely changed my mind about his potential role in the follow-up story later, the new version of the scene has Tenko telling bad Dabs to consider if AFO really has his student's wellbeing in mind. (this will be relevant later in reclaimed as one of the things pushing Dabi to question Tomura about this, and eventually having an effect on Tomura as well, further helping him break free from AFO's mental influence)

Sooo...yeah. I know this is a long-winded explanation, but I couldn't really explain this in simpler terms as the reasoning was quite complicated in a way? I just felt like it could be better with just some minor tweaks, instead of needing to rewrite it completely, and it bothered me too much to not do anything about it lmao. I hope this did satisfy your curiosity about this whole deal and didn't confuse you too much!

(Side note: I probably won't bother doing anything like this with any other fic of mine ever again, the closest I could consider is Soul Duality, but the issue with that is I can't pinpoint exactly what my issue with it is. It just feels like something that has potential and good parts, but ended up kind of messy somehow.)

[tyonfs]

🤧: did you ever feel embarrassed the first time you posted smut? Cause meeee rn lmaoo

I posted a oneshot of smut and I’m like going through the aftereffects of feeling awkward like sis I really did that haha

I’m impressed you can continuously write smut cause like how do you get over that embarrassed phase? loll

Hope you are well ❤️

HELLOOO i’m doing well !! just nervous bc final tomorrow AHHH but hopefully it’ll go good 😳 how about you? i hope things are good 💖

AND PLS 💀💀 I WAS NERVOUS AS HELL THE FIRST TIME I POSTED SMUT

tbh i created this blog to practice smut bc i want my main blog to just be horror/angst fics, and i didn’t expect it to get a big response here 👁 and tbh it taught me that smut is HARD, like horror always came naturally to me bc the ideas are so fresh in my head but smut is like 🧎‍♀️ okay how do i describe intercourse differently this time than how i described it in my last fic

and i’ll have to read your smut soon !! after my final tmrw i’m def getting to it 😽

and pls i still get embarrassed over my smut 💀💀 that’s a big part of why i don’t take nsfw asks on this site bc it makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed to read/answer them LMFAO i’d rather just post my own nsfw content and run away

like requests are cool w me 👍 but if you ask me to imagine jaemin fingering me or someone else then i’m gonna have to pretend i never saw it 🏃‍♂️ plus idk if anons are adults or minors so i’m not gonna answer with a “imagine jaehyun doing this and that to you”

but trust the buildup to getting to write and publish smut was a courageous decision ✊ i was VERY hesitant LOL i think i started with a suggestive fic and built up to an actual smut and even then i was still wary about how it was 😭

but honestly smut isn’t my go-to all the time HAHAH like i love to self indulge sometimes 💆‍♀️ but sometimes i prefer the story so i do post fics without smut on other blogs so it’s not all i have to show for my writing

also my fic “that’s rich” could’ve worked just as well without the smut now that i look back on it LMFAO when i was plotting it, i made it super smut heavy and it was pure self indulgence but as i wrote it, i suddenly wanted to incorporate all these little things and tbh i like it a lot better !! it was pretty much a big projection of my commitment issues LMFAO but my intention was for people to be able to relate to the characters and i’m glad it conveyed that

tbh i was super scared about publishing it because when i wrote on wattpad, people tore down my ocs a lot 😭 that was the one thing that kinda scarred me about writing about topics close to heart bc i tend to give my mcs flaws that some readers don’t want, and on wattpad my mcs would be dragged through the dirt

like i had this fic based on russian roulette, so like seven girls playing a game of russian roulette and the winner gets the guy they all like. so obviously most of them were toxic and hating them is understandable bc they were bitches LMFAO but when ppl started to slut shame them i was like 😭 wait outta pocket that’s too far

and then my other characters would breathe and get hated on for no reason. like there was this scene where jimin opened a letter and the comments were like “NO JIMIN YOURE SO DUMB” and then in the next chapter taehyung throws his letter instead of opening it like jimin and the comments were like “TAEHYUNG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT”

so i eventually felt exhausted and felt like i couldn’t make my characters do anything without them getting hated on so i scrapped that book and lost motivation to write it 😀 i even wanted to rewrite for nct it the other day but i took a look at the comments and went 👨‍🦯 okay nvm

and i’m SORRY this went on such a LONG tangent but basically i think i rlly prefer writing smut on this website bc the community is much more accepting of character flaws and gives them the chance to see them develop !! and i hope you can apply that mentality to your smut fics and realize that we’re all here to support you 💕

[ktheist]

story time: pretty girls don’t get hurt

this is where i rant, cry and scream about my fics. not all fics have a story time though! the ones that do just kind of have a special place in my heart ♥️

spoiler alert!

i. the title.

okay don’t laugh but i’ve been singing sia’s chandeliar as ‘pretty girls’ instead of ‘party girls’ for years. and i kind of liked how it sounded to that’s how the title comes to be lmaooo

but the story comes together eventually yk

pretty could mean a lot of things - the way one dresses, the way one carries themselves, the traditional pretty described for features. take your pick for the oc.

but given the plot and her position - she dresses nicely and carries herself with confidence (prettily).

but despite all of that, she’s been hurt before (the part where she got turned down by taehyung) and she was hurt still by the incident with sowon. it was both physical and mental because she ended up feeling guilty about taking sowon’s man.

ii. oc.

oc may or may not have appeared ooc. i purposefully made her have two sides: on one hand, when she’s with the people she can let her guard down, she’s playful - i’d say she’s a spoiled brat who grew up. on the other, she’s pretty serious because of the wall she built up around her - because pretty girls do get hurt! haha title ref.

if you noticed, oc’s a practical type. she was born from what queen bey said used to say or maybe she didn’t bc i saw this on twitter a long time ago but the gist is she only gives herself one day to feel sorry for herself when she's down, but in those 24 hours she allows herself to truly FEEL it, then she pushes past it because she can't sit and dwell for too long.

and the quote from miss nai labeautyologist : if it doesn’t feed you, don’t water it.

but basically, she’s very ambition-driven and there’s little she wouldn’t do to get what she wants.

iii. oc and taehyung.

they’re soulmates.

to be frank this dynamic is more interesting to me than the actual plot. i feel like it’d be interesting to write a heart wrenching angst about two people who were so perfect for each other - that they can’t be together. 

a little insight on taehyung: he’s always had commitment issues, so when oc had her career blooming and was at the top of the game and the only thing left that she doesn’t have is a family of her own, decided to tell taehyung about her feelings, the guy got scared that he’s going to fuck it up and ruin their friendship along with it.

since they’ve known each other for so long - the line between friends and lovers got blurred. they were doing things lovers would do (cuddling etc. not sex lmao) but they still thought it was normal even though the other was seeing someone else.

when oc realized that taehyung was the man she wanted to spend her entire life with, she sort of told him that like love confession + proposal right away. she’s practical and maybe lacking some sense lmaooo

but taehyung fled the country after rejected oc and she had to drag him back and give him a piece of her mind, basically told him not to be so dramatic and that she was fine if he didn’t like her back. they’re still friends.

that’s the thing though - taehyung loved oc back just as much and that’s when things got complicated.

or not really - they were living on a pretense of friendship but taehyung still chose oc over his many girlfriends. it was like nothing could come between the two. taehyung was content with that until oc decided to get married and he’s finally realizing things are changing - granted they couldn’t just stay in that grey area forever.

and now, their dynamic’s changed - they really can’t be together. so they’re gonna be each other’s pillar of strength. like family you get what i’m saying?

it’s bittersweet. i wish i could write something like that but as the main plot but i don’t think i’ll be able to do it justice. 

iii. oc and seokjin.

there’s not much going on here besides what was written. seokjin has a good eye for character - or more like, he’s grown up around people who want to use him for personal gain so he knows how to read people.

and oc was exactly the kind of person who approaches people because she needs something from them and she knows she have something they want.

what she didn’t expect was having her motives being found out with just one look. and that’s why they were great for each other.

oc’s playful side is foretold in the earlier scenes with taehyung so it’s not too ooc for her to be the way she is at the end of the fic. she finally lets her guard down.

i like her with seokjin better than with taehyung even though she and taehyung know everything about each other. what each other like. what the other hate. but it’s too intense and fragile especially with the other’s personalities. they kind of clash. oc is the kind of person that needs something to be said to her and taehyung is the kind of person that expects her to just get him.

but seokjin’s the type to know and not take it to heart when oc does something less sensitive / doesn’t know it’ll hurt him.

iv. fin.

i’m not sure if i like the way the story flows - it focuses more on them getting to know each other. i have doubts that the smut was even needed though - i’m a firm believer that smuts can make or break a fic. sometimes it’s not needed and feel forced. i don’t think it’s forced in this fic but i also don’t think it needs to focus on the actual intercourse lmao oh well. i shall improve in the future and have better judgement on whether to include it or not in the future.

until then. cara.

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

all, i am a curious goblin child

Why do u do this to me

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

I start with a general plan, and then the plan says “ok so I had a one night stand with some other people and now my bastard son is the plan now, have a good day” and then leaves to elope with a door-to-door salesplan

talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

One character was supposed to die early on to show that the prophecy was a load of shit, but she said no thanks and instead I hated her so much I made her into someone else

on a scale of 1-10 how much to enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

About like a 7 maybe. Outside of the POV is how I like to do it (with side characters, basically) 

what are some of examples of storytelling that inspires you outside of books?

I like songs that tell a clear story. Very nice and gives me goosebumps because I’m a sucker for that

what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

None really. Unlike some of you other writers, my imagination is a barren desert with a tumbleweed rolling about every couple of years

have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

;)

here’s for my bad guymy main girlandherpals

tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

Ok I really love writing for Arothe because they’re honestly out there doing their very best. And their character development is p sweet toohave you identified any recurring elements or themes across your writing?Something I try to do is if something is going on with my antagonist, I want it to be reflected with my protagonists. Such as, one of the villains has a lot of mental issues (I mean, with his life, zoinks) so a lot of my main characters do to. I also like taking a certain genre and twisting it a littlewhat’s a series or franchise you secretly or not so secretly think you’d be, like, a REALLY good writers for if they’d stop being cowards and hire you already?I’d be excellent at the Underland Chronicles. Sadly, it’s done so I can’t do a lot there

do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

Man, I just wing itif you currently write fanfiction or have ever written fanfiction, please tell us about the plot of the first fic you ever wrote

My first fanfiction was when I was like 12 for the Warriors fandom. It was one where my OC left to create her own clan and became leader of it and it was shit honestly.what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

I try to seek it out but no one ever wants to say anything about it besides “this was good” ):are you a podcast person? if yes, any recommendations for podcasts talking about writing/being creative in general?

I like podcasts but I don’t listen to a lot of writing onesdo you want to write sequels/series or nah?

Only in special circumstancesin an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Sort of because I’d wanna see how it looks in front of me, but also you know how book adaptations can getdo you write any particular genre? how do you feel about genre categories in general? love them? want to combine them? want to do away with them altogether?

I love fantasy a lot, so usually I try to mix it into whatever I write. I like genre categories, but a lot is too specific honestly.at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

It just happens about halfway through writing. My working titles are never helpful. It’s so rough, trying to sum up the story in a few words.tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

Probably Taylor, from my new one. She’s gone through a lot and is keeping her hopes high. She’s babey and I love herwhat’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

I learned it takes a body about 2-3 hours to burn, because of the fats speeding it up. Only in certain things, but since I mostly do fantasy, I make shit updo you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that? tell us. please, tell us. I, the OP of this ask list, desperately need advice on how to focus.

Yes all the time. I don’t know,,,,,,apologies OPBIG ask: what do you think is the most important component of a good story?

Add in some humor, hope, little bit of optimism, even if ur story is about like the most dark and depressing topics. A little bit of good things will keep the reader from being like “ugh another torture scene... :/ great” talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you. or talk about several. seriously, writing is cool. you’re making up whole stories out of your brain, revel in that shit.

Every time I think “man I wish I could do that but it doesn’t work with the story :/” and I realize that I’m in charge of the story so it goes however I want it to. Like when I was talking to a friend like “yeah these two characters are really good friends and I’m worried people will think they’re a couple even though one is 16 and the other is basically 26,,,,,,what do I do, there’s only one single character but like they wouldn’t work together” and my friend had to point out that I can do whatever I want so those 2 CAN be together

okay, now that we had that nice one: what’s your WORST writing habit? dig deep, own up to your crimes.

I don’t write for a LONG time

how do you share your writing, or want to?

I use google docs so I just share it with people

hey - what are you working on right now?  

Soft post-apocalypse. That’s where my babey Taylor is from

[vinndicate]

mobile links page

figured it was time i’d make one of these

theese are basically all the stuff from my pages just copied and pasted

the basics

the basics:

vinn + pretty boy + 17 they/he + asian american pan + polyamorous + taken chaotic good + slytherin + infp

-

about x byf x synpaths

masterpost x requests x etc.

thiscrush x walloftext x sarahah

BYF

if i followed you first, this does not apply (but send me an ask/message if you’re still wary about it}

DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF:

you’re a nazi/a member of the alt-right or a white supremacist

you support/defend maps/pedophiles, or you are a map/pedophile

you support/defend incest or rape in both a realistic and fictional sense

you’re a porn/kink blog

you’re a terf

you’re ablest/racist

you’re homophobic/transphobic

you’re anti-sjw/anti-feminism

Generally, do not follow me if (but as long as you don’t bring your opinion on this blog it’s fine):

you ship abusive ships

you ship characters in a ship that would canonically go against their sexualities

you think polyamory is cheating/gross

you regularly enjoy discourse and start discourse intentionally

you think “All Lives Matter!” is better than “Black Lives Matter.”

you think any mental illness is a joke/make fun of it

you don’t believe in global warming/don’t think it’s a real issue

you post constant, frequent nsfw stuff (like it’s your only blog content)

you think violence can solve every problem

A general rule of thumb is: don’t follow me if you fall under a category in the first section, and only follow me if you’re in thesecond section if you don’t interact with any posts commenting on said things.

i’d really appreciate it. at the most, if you’re really bothering me, i’ll probably just block you. no hard feelings though.

Please ask to follow if:

your name is ‘Azylin’ or your surname is ‘Carroll’.

ABOUT

actually about me:

hey, the name’s vinn; they/he pronouns please!

call me erin/aaron as well, if you’d like!

so vinn, but also vi/erin/aaron

poc, minor, neurodivergent, schizoaffective(?), dermatillomania, trichotillomania

slightly very obsessed with harry potter and dc currently

genderfluid demiboy(?)/genderqueer

libra sun, virgo moon

i dunno y'all i’m queer asf... also panromantic

i write some shit sometimes; check out my masterpost or ask for my ao3

ask for my instagram, snapchat, skype, etc. if we’re mutuals!

haven’t been diagnosed with anything professionally, so don’t ask me.

agnostic, but leaning on hellenic polytheism

i’m a musician (flute, piano, composing, singing)

i’m short, but i’ll still fight

i say i’m going to fight everyone but i probably won’t because i’m a wuss

i’ve gotten my heart broken before, boy, what makes you think you’re special

TESTIMONIALS

Masterpost:

Hamilton:

John Laurens x Reader

Gay for You: Modern AU, where trans male reader comes out to roommate John Laurens.

Unknown Identities: Modern AU, where female reader is looking for a soulmate whose name is John Laurens.

Poly Laflams

But The World Turned Upside Down: Modern AU, where a non-stop Alexander and exhausted John drive Lafayette crazy.

Requests

hey, welcome to my page where i tell you what to do and what not to do when requesting fics from me!

things i’ll write for: {italicized is what i’ll post on here, others i’ll post on ao3}

harry potter (both hp era and fb era)

hamilton

the dceu

yandere simulator

ddlc

moana

anything else that i’ve seen/watched - send an ask, and i’ll tell you if i’ll write for it!

I’m okay with most ships. Just send an ask if you wonder if I’ll write a certain pairing.

when requesting please do this:

provide a fandom to write for

provide a basic plot/line that i need to work with

tell me if its a slash or reader fic or other (platonic, introspective, etc.)

provide details about the oc if it’s an oc fic!

i prefer all requests to be in my ask box, but submissions/messaging works fine too!

optional things to do when requesting:

provide me with a setting

provide me with an in-depth plot

if a reader fic, provide me with details on the reader

tell me how long you want it to be (like “extremely slow burn, pls” or “make it a single chapter, brother” or “GIVE ME A MULTI-CHAPTER FIC, COWARD”)

validate me

provide me with positive thoughts and love

pay me

bribe me

notice me

send me pictures of gal gadot or ezra miller

give me money

be my friend

aaaand that’s it folks

[jungblue]

→ writing & other tips!

Hello! This entire post is essentially stemming from the fact that I get messages often about the subject of writing / running a writing blog, and what advice I have in the area. In all honesty I’m not sure how new this information will be to anyone looking at it, but it’s more so to serve as something I can have linked in my FAQ, for anyone interested in my opinion on the matter. This post will be updated as I think of more things to include, but the basics that will be covered is writing advice, writing-blog advice, and just my overall opinion on certain aspects of writing in general on a public platform. 

↠ Running a Writing Blog

My initial advice for this is just going to be technical / formatting aspects of posting your writing. Nothing all that earth shattering, just creating masterlists, links in your bio, dealing with demands kind of stuff.

Formatting

When it comes to formatting, choose one that really displays what your fic is about. For example, my usual format is: Pairing, Genre, Word Count, Description, Gif / Banner. I find this important just because I think some people might underestimate the importance of a good format. Because if I’m being honest I usually won’t even click on a fic if there’s no word count. Not to say it’s necessary, because I’m not here to tell people specifically the 100% way to run a writing blog, but this is just my experience / personal preference. 

Tagging

Now once you’ve got your fic written and post formatted, next you have to put some tags. I tend to use very broad general tags such as, bts fanfic, bts scenarios, bts smut, bts angst, ect. Once you get into specifics there are tags such as seokjin fanfic, yoongi scenarios, hoseok smut, ect. This simply allows for people to find your fics when searching. 

Creating a Masterlist / Linking

Once your first scenario is posted you might want to make a masterlist to post in your bio. This probably isn’t new information for some, but I get an ask about links every couple of weeks, so I figured we might as well cover all of the bases. In order to create a masterlist, simply open up a new text post, type in the title of your fic (or however you’re wanting to organize it), get the url to your fic and copy it, highlight the title you’ve written on the text post, a series of buttons should appear above, choose the one that is the fourth from the left (it looks like an infinity sign), paste the url into the box that appears, and you have yourself the start of a masterlist. Once you have that done you might want to link your masterlist in your bio. In order to do so you simply:

1. Go to edit theme

2. Paste this code into your bio <a href=“url of masterlist”>masterlist</a>

3. Replace the things I’ve put in bold with your actual masterlist url, or whatever you want the link to be called, so masterlist, writing, mlist, ect

Dealing with Demands

It’s unfortunate, but more than likely you’ll get a demanding ask at least once in your tumblr lifetime. Sometimes it’s asking for updates, requesting repeatedly, or someone just being plain rude. To combat against the update asks, make an FAQ. It’ll cut down on some of the demands, but of course not all. As for the straight up rude anons / users, just block them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of allowing them to stay on your blog. If you really want to respond, screenshot it and answer it that way, but still block them. This is your blog. No one has the right to be demanding of you, and to make it a place that you come to detest. 

↠ The Actual Writing Part

I would say the first piece of advice I have about writing in general is to make sure that you’re writing for the right reasons. This is only because I’ve seen a common trend of people saying how stressed writing makes them, to the point of them actually hating it. I think this is because before people start posting on tumblr, they sometimes don’t get what comes along with it, or some aren’t necessarily doing it for the right reasons (of course regardless of anyone’s reasons, it’s your hobby, so really do what you want! this is simply an opinion).

For instance if you’re doing it strictly for notes, you might be highly disappointed when the pwp smut that took your three hours to write gets a 1,000 notes, whereas that fic that took you three weeks to plan out, and six weeks to write gets 300. It’s going to really stunt your creativity if you’re doing it strictly for that particular reason, because unfortunately the previously mentioned scenario is quite common. Or there are some who start writing because they want to have a ‘popular’ blog of sorts with lots of followers who will message them… But unfortunately even with a lot of followers, people just tend to not send messages for the most part. You might really love a fic that you posted, but get maybe six or seven comments on it. So again, if that’s your specific underlying reasoning behind wanting to post your writing, it might not turn out how you expected. 

I just wanted to say the above points because I see it time and time again, and I don’t want people to get discouraged if it’s not what they were expecting it to be. Don’t get me wrong, as a writer on this site, I appreciate so, so much the notes / comments / ect that people give to my fics, but if that is what’s specifically tethering you to the craft, then you might not enjoy your time posting on tumblr. But again, this is your choice, so if you want to write simply for notes or for whatever reason, then obviously that’s completely fine! I’m mostly just saying the above because writing can become tiresome after a while if it doesn’t bring the outcome you’re expecting and it’s not something you truly enjoyed in the first place.

Okay, so now that I’ve gotten this disclaimer out of the way, I’ll try to give tips on writing, sorry if they’re generic. Honestly, my writing process is really simple, so I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I’m going to try my best. 

Forming an Idea / Plot

This is probably the simplest part. Just the general idea that you want to write about. Not the details, just the main focus. Sometimes it can stem from just knowing what au you want to tackle, so college au, expecting parents au, werewolf au, ect. Or perhaps you don’t know the setting yet, but you know the conflict or emotions you want the characters to elicit. Maybe you just know in your head that you really want to write a Jimin fluff. With that you can sit back and mull over what the best template for displaying that would be. So maybe a first date, anniversary, cute frat boy takes you to the greek formal, it can literally be anything. So really play around with things. Write that vampire hanahaki au or fic that’s so cheesy you cringe (I’ve written many of those lol). Just explore the wonderful world of genres or aus, because in the end you should write what you want to write. 

Planning

This section is quite flexible. I mean all of these points are flexible, but this one most certainly. If there’s one thing that varies to a great degree between each and every writer it’s planning a fic out. There’s hundreds of methods, and you really just need to find the one that works for you! I personally have a very simple approach to writing. I’ll use Loving Him, Loving Her as an example.

1. Simply think of an idea: Unrequited love + best friend AU

2. Make mental bullet points of plot: flash-forward scene, the oc and Taehyung meeting, time-skip, party at Taehyung’s lake house, sex scene —

3. Write it out with this loose template

4. Once the writing process is over, go back through, re-read for misspellings, grammar issues, spaces where a bit of added narrative is needed

5. Post

It’s honestly a very simple process, but it’s what works best for me, and everyone is of course different! Personally, planning a fic out down to the very scenes, just doesn’t work for me. Because then when I’m writing I feel very constricted. I much prefer just having a vague idea of what I want the plot to be, and tackling it that way. However, again this is my approach, and it’s obviously okay if it doesn’t work for everyone. Lots of people love to outline, and that’s a totally viable option. Plan out each scene, one by one, jot down the emotions, dialogue, actions, ect that you want to happen within the scenes. That way once you go to write your fic, everything is planned and you just have to follow the template you’ve set for yourself. 

These are just two methods of the many that there are. Eventually, after writing a lot, you’ll find a specific process that personally works for you!

Process

Writing can honestly be really stressful. Even if the constant asks for updates or demanding messages don’t bother you. Sometimes it’s just stressful because you want to write, but it just isn’t coming as easily as you would like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in front of my laptop, wanting to write, but then I just blank. It’s incredibly frustrating to have a plot locked in your head, and knowing exactly what you want to happen, but then not being able to find the words to formulate it. So just understand that it’s okay to take breaks, to throw away a wip, to take a seven month hiatus on a series. It doesn’t mean that you should give up on writing, it just means that you need a break, a change in direction, or just something. People get burnt out on things they love all the time. Sports, drawing, writing, whatever it is, you just have to understand that it’s all a part of a process. 

Know when to take breaks. Put your health at the forefront of everything, because finishing a fic isn’t worth jeopardizing that. Understand that the fic will be there tomorrow, the next day, and the next day, so take your time!

Again, I know all if this is stuff that you’ve all probably heard, but sometimes people ask for my writing advice, and this post pretty much encompasses my opinion on writing and the process of writing / posting on a public format such as tumblr. I hope it was somewhat helpful. Just remember that this is supposed to be fun. Don’t let the stress destroy your love for writing if it’s really something that you honestly enjoy!

[bakugou-ou]

Ik I'm anon and all, but I don't wanna get off it because the embarrassment would probably make it worse. I'm just tired of life… mines is pretty useless if you ask me, and according to everyone else who if ever met, I'm ugly too, I wouldn't kill myself because I'm too much of a coward to do that, but I don't know what I wanna do with my life and I can never be happy without someone ruining it That's why you and other creators' story helps me, it makes me think about my dram life I'll never get

Listen, friendo, whoever you are, you’re not ugly, and not useless. You don’t need to come off anon if you don’t want to, I get it. This is gonna get v personal here in a sec, so I’m putting the rest of this down under a cut in case no one gives a shit about my personal life and doesn’t wanna see my tragic anime backstory, but I’m sharing it with you because you said that you like my writing. This is the story of how I ended up running this blog, it’s got lots of talk about suicide, mentions of rape. It’s not pretty, so read at your own risk. Also, it’s long.

When I was four years old, I tried to jump off the balcony of my apartment, I wanted to die. It wasn’t a kid doing a stupid thing, I literally thought if I fall from this height and hit my head on the ground, I will die and then went for it. I fell onto a 7ft tall cinder block mailbox on the way down, four feet below my balcony, crawled off of it, and walked back upstairs to my parents like nothing had happened. 

What was wrong that someone barely past toddlerhood wanted to kill themselves over? I don’t know, maybe it was just that my parents were fighting all the time and hated each other, maybe it was because I have the genes for it. More on that last bit later.

When I was six, I tried to throw myself in front of a car, thinking that if a small child like myself got hit by a car going 25+ mph, I’d die. The driver hit the brakes, I played it off like I’d tripped into the road, no one knew how I really felt. When I’d told my parents I wanted to die, they thought I was being dramatic, they didn’t think a kid my age even knew what that meant, the finality of it. But I knew, and I craved it.

When I was eight, I tried to hang myself in my older sister’s bedroom with her sheets. She found me, took me down before I blacked out, and we never spoke about it again after that night. I was pissed with my sister for saving me, I cried and punched her as she held onto me.

When I was twelve, I tried to eat a bottle of Xanax, thinking it would kill me. It didn’t, it just made me really, really fucking sick. Not sick enough to go to the hospital, but very sick. I had no lasting organ damage, but I still wanted to die.

When I was fourteen, my boyfriend dumped me over the phone on a day he was supposed to come to my house, and ignored me while I cried. He had me on speaker phone, actually, and his friends were laughing about it and I could hear them. I could hear him laughing along with them. So, I decided to eat a bottle of asprin for dinner a couple of weeks later. I was stupid, it didn’t work, and I was hospitalized in the mental ward for 2 weeks.

When I was seventeen, I had just left an abusive relationship, graduated high school, and my mom told me that my ex raping me repeatedly for 9 months was my fault and that I was asking for it by continuing to date him the whole time. I was too scared to leave, I had been told by a counselor at school that no one would believe me. I tried to eat all of my antidepressants. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks in the mental ward.

When I was eighteen, I tried to do that same thing again, in conjunction to another thing my mom said about my abuser. My cousin had been raped while studying abroad, and she was talking about poor cousin, your poor cousin, it’s so traumatic, but when I mentioned that I’d been abused for three quarters of a year and no one batted an eye, she told me I was being selfish, and that my time for being the victim was over. How dare I detract from my cousin. So, again, I tried to eat a bottle of pills. I was hospitalized for one week in the psych ward.

Earlier this year, at the age of twenty, I was hospitalized because I felt like I was going to slit my wrists if I stayed home. So I checked myself into the hospital. I was there for a week while my doctor tried to find better meds for me because clearly mine weren’t working. My mom had told me that she was ashamed of my sexuality and my gender identity, and the rape issue came up again, with her saying I wanted it, that I let it happen.

I have bipolar II, borderline personality disorder, OCD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and selective eating disorder. A lot is messed up with me. I get the anxiety from my mother, and the bipolar II from my father. The PTSD was a gift from my ex boyfriend, and the rest I just ended up with.

When I was a little kid, I loved books; my father read all sorts of books to me, all the time. Artemis Fowl was the first series we read, then Harry Potter, then my mother read me the Chronicles of Narnia, then my father read me A Series of Unfortunate Events. We also read other books, things that weren’t series. I loved reading, and I wanted to write things that made people feel the way I felt about the stuff I read. 

Both of my parents are naturally talented writers. At the age of six, I began to write fan fiction for Harry Potter. I was way too young to be on the internet, but I was online writing fanfics on snitchseeker. Some of the only validation I found in my life was from random strangers on the internet, encouraging me to continue writing and complimenting my plot lines, even if my grammar and spelling were atrocious; on the internet, no one knows you’re a little kid writing Drarry fanfic.

I was a really athletic kid, so I didn’t spend all my time writing, but a good chunk of my free time was spent writing if I wasn’t surfing, playing soccer, or skateboarding. I didn’t have a lot of friends, I wasn’t likable, apparently, and I had a really hard time in school. I got into a lot of fights because people picked on me, but I was always the one who got in trouble for defending myself. It pissed me off. I developed issues with authority. I wrote in composition books to escape all the crap around me.

By the time I turned 11, writing was my life. I had just moved to California from Hawaii, my life was basically turned upside down, and I was miserable. So, I made a myspace account, wrote fanfic on there, and threw myself headlong into it. I have a fanfiction.net account I’ve long since forgotten my username and password for, but it’s out there with dramione fanfic, sasusaku, things that I liked at the time. I need to escape everything happening around me. My dad, my best friend, wasn’t anywhere near me, my mom was a bitch, and my demented grandmother moved in with us. It was miserable.

By the time I was 15, the only hobby I had outside of practicing for orchestra, was writing. I laid in bed on days off and just sat on my laptop, writing. I stopped publishing things after I got a mean comment once, my first one ever. It bruised the ego I didn’t even have so badly that I refused to publish anything for three years.

When I was 18, I published my first fanfic in 4 years. It was a Criminal Minds fanfic, featuring an OC and Spencer Reid. I was so fucking proud of it, and while lots of people loved it, a lot of people said mean shit. So, I posted Loki fanfic, which got infinitely more love, and then I did an alternate version of my Criminal Minds fic, that one got even more hate than the original. Then I published a Wallander fanfic. I haven’t touched them in 3 years, despite people asking me for more.

Up until this time last month, I never showed my writing to anyone. I kept everything to myself, hidden, I was ashamed of it. It is my only coping mechanism, but I couldn’t share it with anyone. My parents had my computer passwords up until I was about 16, sometimes they’d look through my text files and come to me later and tell me how amazing my writing was, and encourage me to publish it. But I never believed them.

On a whim, I started this blog; I love Boku no Hero Academia, it has given me something to look forward to every week. I live Chapter to Chapter, episode to episode, I track my time with it, it’s a coping mechanism. I saw that there was a decently active fandom on here, and I wanted to be a part of it. I hesitated on making the blog for a few weeks, thinking that no one would want to read my writing.

A month later, there are nearly 600 people here, constantly asking me to write scenarios and headcanons for them, telling me they love my writing, and think I’m a nice person, and that they’re glad I’m here. Every time I get a message like that, I cry. I never thought anyone would ever care about my writing, let alone write it. When I got a single follower that wasn’t a friend I know in real life, I cried. I was so excited. When I got my first request, I was so, so excited. When people began sending more stuff in, when people started talking to me and wanting to be friends, I cried. I’ve made a dozen friends on here as a direct result of their writing, and my writing.

I love running this blog, and I love writing for everyone. I have felt useless and like a waste of space my entire life, I’ve been told that my entire life, I’m made to feel like that every day of my life even now by the people around me, save for my friends, but when I log on here, I’m reminded that hey, maybe I’m not useless. If I manage to make even one person happy with what I do, that’s all I want.

So, you saying that my writing helps you, helps me. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to make other people happy, to please them, and my writing is apparently doing that. I’m really, really lucky to be in this position.

Even if you don’t have something like this, you’re not useless. You should be here. I know you said you’d never kill yourself because you’re too cowardly, but I’ve never seen suicide as cowardly, but that’s probably because I’ve tried to do it so many times. I’ve made a total of 8 attempts in 21 years. I don’t think I’ll be trying it again, though. It’s taken me 21 years to find something that I’m kind of maybe a little good at, that makes me even a tiny bit happy, and that does some good for other people, too.

Shit sucks, life is really awful, and I completely understand the plethora of reasons any given person would feel like wanting to die. I’ve never thought it unreasonable or dramatic to feel that way, it’s just how some people feel. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until 3 years ago, and even now I’m unsure if it’s really what I want to do with my life. I’ve got a lot going on behind the scenes that makes me feel like shite, and a lot of the time, the people around me try to ruin what little I have that I enjoy and that makes me happy…

Even with all that happening, somehow, I’m still here, and I’m writing this. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I get your feelings, I hear you, they’re valid, and I love you, stranger. Because I feel the same way as you all the time. This blog is my escape from that. It’s really the only thing I have keeping me from my intrusive thoughts.

If you never come off anon, that’s fine, but if you need to talk about things, I’m here for you, or anyone else who needs it. Really, if I can even try to help, I’ll do my damnedest to help. I hate seeing other people feeling as junk as I do on a daily basis, I want to try and make it better. If being a friend, even if I don’t know who you are, helps, I want to help. If writing things helps, I want to do it. But, for me, it’s not just helping other people, it’s helping myself. You coming into the box helped me. So, you’re not useless. You’re keeping me here, too.