#basically and I was still all spotty when I went back to school and I contracted it like right when summer vacation started

[1-ufo]

I’m bout to get on a plane in a few days and I was feeling nervous about that because I’ve had earaches so I thought I had an ear infection right? And well, I had a coworker get on a plane with an ear infection and his whole eardrum burst and he went deaf in that ear and I guess bled all over the place and had such bad vertigo he couldn’t enjoy his vacation.

So obviously I went to the doctor about it bc I do not want that to happen to me and also my ear hurts so like… I also don’t want that.

But it turns out I have this thing called tubal dysfunction and there’s basically nothing I can do about my ear pain except plug my nose and blow through my ears because the pressure on the inside of my ears is less than the pressure on the outside of my ears because for some reason the tube that connects to your sinuses is like… partially collapsed and causing pressure in differences and it’s just really annoying who knew this was even a thing.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for walking out on my training?

Basically, I (23m) was raised from birth by my aunt and uncle (who, sadly, have passed away). While I was curious about my bio parents, my aunt and uncle didn’t know them very well due to my dad being my uncle’s estranged step-brother, and I was pretty much content with my family life. My dad came up in conversation occasionally, but all I really heard was that he died before I was born and was involved with illegal drug dealing. That’s not that uncommon around my hometown, though, so I didn’t think much of it.

Cut to about four years ago, my family purchased some secondhand equipment. One unit said it belonged to a man with the same last name as a member of our community, B (50’s-60’s?m). When I got curious and went to investigate, I ended up finding out that they were the same person, and that he knew my father. It also turns out that my father was NOT a drug runner, but a member of a religious order that was outlawed around the time I was born. (Before you ask, no, it is not a cult. The government has been repressing it, but its main tenets are mindfulness, self-discipline, respect for life, and harmony with the universe ffs. ANYWAY) B offered to induct and instruct me in it. I initially declined because the training would take me away from my family, but changed my mind after my aunt and uncle died, at which point I didn’t have many links left to my hometown, since all of my friends had left for school. This also offered me a chance to learn to pilot (my dream) and get involved with some wider social activism that I’ve been interested in, not to mention that I was excited about the new information about my father and a chance to connect with his legacy.

Long story short, we found a message hidden in the equipment from a diplomat with connections to B and ended up helping her (“L”, 23f) escape unjust imprisonment by government officials, but were separated from B.

L turned out to be a member of the activist group that I was interested in, and I’ve been doing that for the last few years, and was recently contacted by B to go train with his old teacher, Y. It occurred in a pretty isolated location, but at one point I (correctly) suspected L and other friends of ours had ended up getting in a rough spot with the gov again, and I stopped in the middle of my training to go help them despite not having any solid information on what was going down, against the advice of B and Y, who seemed pretty disappointed.

Unfortunately, one of our friends was left behind, having been incapacitated and more securely held due to some trouble with a mob boss. When I went back to Y to finish my training, he declared me a full member of the religious order, even though my training was never fully finished and kind of spotty to begin with, and passed away shortly afterward.

Since then, I’ve been dealing with some imposter syndrome and feeling like if I’d stayed to finish my instruction, very little would have really changed for the worse for my friends and I would be more prepared to carry out my duties as the last member of the order, especially since I was so eager for it (and still am!). I’d give more details, but it’s be risky for me. You know how it is even just for protestors and such rn.

So, AITA?

[thisaintascenereviews]

Honey Revenge - Retrovision

My favorite album of this year is the new Fall Out Boy album, So Much (For) Stardust, and there are many reasons why, but it's not just for the sole fact that Fall Out Boy is one of my all time favorite bands, if not my favorite. They've been my favorite for years now, and it's great to see them back, but their post-hiatus material has been spotty at best. I enjoy their post-hiatus material a lot, but it hasn't aged as well as some of their earlier material (I still defend M A N I A quite a bit, because as electronic and pop-heavy as it is, it's got some of their best hooks and some of their most interesting ideas to date), so when they announced their new album, a lot of people were curious about what it would sound like. The first couple singles, "Love From The Other Side," and "Heartbreak Feels So Good" ended up being old-school sounding pop-rock jams, and you know what? That's what the album sounds like, but in the best possible way. The band went back to their roots, so to speak, and they decided to cut the "experimental" electronic stuff they were doing to make an album that they were actually proud of and were able to have fun making. So Much (For) Stardust is that record, and part of its charm is just that -- it's not trying to be anything more than what it is.

Sometimes less is more, but that's not the insult that a lot of people might think it is. I used to really enjoy music that was unique, weird, off the wall, and different in some kind of way, and I still do to some degree, but at the end of the day, I want stuff I can go back to. I want stuff that's catchy, fun, and memorable, not necessarily weird and challenging. I just want to enjoy music, and listening to albums like that isn't always rewarding or enjoyable. They might be great albums, but there's a lot to unpack, or they aren't accessible or immediate. I love a lot of albums that wear their sound on their record sleeve; they know what they are, and they don't try to do anything else out of that ordinary, or that would be unexpected for an album in their lane. Pop-rock band Honey Revenge is that kind of band, and their debut LP, Retrovision, has the same kind of charm for me that So Much (For) Stardust does, because it's one of the most fun, catchy, and enjoyable albums I've heard all year (and within the last few years, really). This record just came out within the last couple of weeks, but I can't stop listening to it, because of how infectious it is.

Honey Revenge is the brainchild of singer-songwriter Devin Papadol and guitarist Donovan Lloyd, the two met in Los Angeles at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, and for the last couple of years, they've been doing their thing on Tik Tok and getting some virality from that. I've only listened to them a bit, at least just from what I've seen on Tik Tok, but I saw that they just released their debut album on Thriller Records, so I thought I'd give it a listen. Well, I was not expecting that I'd fall head over heels for it. What's interesting about this record is that there's not much to it. It has a rather basic pop-rock / pop-punk-ish sound that I feel like would have perfectly fit into the "neon pop-punk" sound of the late 00s and early 2010s. Bands like All Time Low, Forever The Sickest Kids, and Every Avenue had a sound that wasn't quite pop-punk, but not quite pop-rock, and they were very bright, fun, cheery, and catchy as all hell. This fits into that vein, and if you're diabetic, you might want to watch out for this album, because its hooks are sugary sweet. It's just a classic case of one of those albums that does what it does very well, and that's all it needs to do.

Papadol does admittedly have a slight resemblance to Hayley Williams of Paramore, at least on certain moments throughout this record, but they don't sound alike whatsoever. I hate how any alternative band with a single that a femme-presenting singer is automatically labeled as a Paramore copycat, but that's not the case here at all. Her voice is absolutely fantastic, though, and that's a big part of what carries this album, although the songwriting is good, too. The album doesn't have much variety, but the hooks on their own stand their ground. Songs like "Airhead," which opens up the album, immediately slams you into the ground with its fantastic hook, but as the album goes on, songs like "Rerun," "Murphy's Law," and "Favorite Song" continue that. The only real issue I have with this record is that its lyrics are a little subpar in spots, and a couple of songs have a bit of an awkward sound to them, such as "Habitual" (mainly in terms of rhyming and phrasing, because the hook is great), but the record is just so damn strong. It's short, sweet, and to the point, but just when it ends, I'm already pressing play again. This is a perfect summer album, so if you're looking for something catchy, fun, and relatively carefree that you can get stuck in your head, this is the perfect album for that.

[grandtheftjeep]

aidanwaynealghul​:

“So, your not dead are you?” It was bad enough when people from The Zone did the respect thing when he’d never met them before, he didn’t need people here to start doing it to. “Oh okay well that’s good…but I don’t know what else Wulf could have wanted me to help with. Unless it was The Hunters he wanted me to help with?” If they were actively hunting down creatures that weren’t a threat unsanctioned he couldn’t do much about it, but Justice League Dark could.

“Eh, he might be? It really depends on where and how he died. Ectoplasm deposits in the atmosphere here are kind of spotty, but if he was close to one and his death was traumatic…maybe? Unless rebirth was something he actively wanted I think? I’m still kind of learning how it all works, I’ve only been King for like a year.” It was another reason why the council handled most things, not only was he still young by ghost standards but he didn’t know as much as he should if he was going to rule.

“No. I mean, I don’t think I am,” Eli blinked. He had a strange urge to poke himself, maybe in the stomach, and see if his own finger went through his skin. He didn’t think it would. He went to school, and teachers acknowledged his rather loathsome presence. Even Coach went easy on him, but going easy on him meant they knew he was there. So, he couldn’t be dead. Could he?

“Things around here are usually quiet once one big problem goes down. The calm after the storm. So, yeah, all we’ve got is hunters. Unless the Alpha Pack makes a come back. I hope they don’t, Deucalion is weird.

“Okay, well, dad died on the Nemeton,” Eli pointed vaguely into the deeper parts of the forest. “So, his death would have been high powering. And he set himself on fire, basically, about two feet away from my face. So if that’s traumatic, then yeah. It was also sacrificial, so everyone keeps reminding me.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

eternity ~ damon salvatore;the vampire diaries

word count: 1810

request?: yes!

“Hey honey😍I am loving your writings a lot. I have a request. Can you write where reader is a human and friends with both Salvatore brothers. Both brothers are in love with her and proposed her. She chooses Damon because she also love him. And consider Stefan only her friend. Damon is very happy to have her and lots of fluff and kissing and it escalates to romantic, passionate love making. Damon is very gentle with her since it's reader's first time. After sex, she's sore and he takes care ofher”

description: in which two brothers ask for her hand in marriage, and she decides to pick the older one

pairing: damon salvatore x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist

Stefan and Damon didn’t mean to fall for the same girl for the third time, decades after the second time they had with Elena. They were sure it wouldn’t happen again. She wasn’t another Katherine doppelganger, she was just a normal human being.

She had met Stefan first, then Damon when she visited their house. Damon fell for her first, shortly followed by Stefan, which resulted in yet another needless fight between them. However, they decided to end this one before it went too far like all the last ones had.

The two brothers decided to confront (Y/N) head on and to ask her one important question; to be with one of them for eternity.

“We have to promise that we won’t hold anything over the other,” Stefan was saying as they prepared for her arrival. “And if she chooses neither of us, we accept that.”

“Of course,” Damon agreed. “I’m sick of this bullshit between us.”

“Sounds like a long story behind that comment.”

Both men jumped and turned to see (Y/N) standing in their living room. She giggled at their reactions. “Sorry, I did knock but no one answered.”

“It’s alright,” Damon said.

She looked between them. “So, what’s this about? Why did you want me to meet you both?”

The brothers shared another look before Damon decided to explain. “You see, my brother and I have had a bad habit of falling for the same girl. It has happened three times throughout our very long lives, and...well, this is the third time...with you.”

(Y/N)’s eyed widened, but Stefan picked up the explanation. “I know neither of us are even with you romantically, and you may not even have feelings for us, but we both have one question for you to settle this fight between us once and for all.”

Damon took her hands in his. “Will you be with me for the rest of eternity?”

“Or me?” Stefan asked behind him.

(Y/N) looked between them. “Like...marriage?”

“Ideally, yes,” Damon responded, “but if you’d like, we can work our way to that. It doesn’t need to be now.”

(Y/N) pulled away to look between them. Damon could tell she was thinking over it a lot. There was so much to consider, and neither knew if she liked them. This could end so terribly, or it could end just fine.

When she turned to Stefan, Damon’s heart dropped. She took his little brother’s hands in hers and smiled at him. “Stefan, I care about you so much. You’re my absolute best friend, and I appreciate that you’d want to spend eternity with me.” She paused to look at Damon. “But I’m in love with Damon, and I have been since we first met.”

Damon took her into his arms so fast, she barely got to finish her sentence. He crushed his lips against her, making her feel dizzy but also excited at the same time. Forgetting that his little brother, who had just got rejected by the same girl, was standing there watching them, he lifted (Y/N) so that her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was holding her, effortlessly, against him.

(Y/N) lost herself in the kiss, running her hands through Damon’s hair and resting one on the back of his neck, keeping him close to her. It wasn’t until the events leading up to that moment finally caught up in her mind that she remembered Stefan had been there at all.

“Wait,” she breathed between kisses, pulling away from Damon. “Wait, Stefan - ”

She turned to see that he was gone, and it seemed as though he had been long gone.

“Fuck,” she sighed. “He won’t be mad, will he? I did mean what I said, he is my best friend.”

“He’ll get over it,” Damon insisted, moving to attack her neck with kisses. (Y/N)’s head lulled back with pleasure as she let out an involuntary moan. Pleased with the reaction, Damon continued to kiss her on that spot, getting as many moans from her as he possibly could.

He carried (Y/N) up the stairs and to his bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and immediately ripped her shirt off of her. Literally, the shirt was basically a mess of fabrics once he was done with it.

“Damon!” (Y/N) playfully scolded as he began to kiss down her chest. “You can’t just rip my shirts apart!”

“I’ll get you a new one,” he decided as he neared her jeans. He kissed over her stomach, just to teased her. (Y/N) couldn’t help but buck her hips, silently begging for him to take her pants off.

“Damon, wait,” she told him, taking his head in her hands. “Before we go any further, I need you to know that...I’m a virgin.”

Damon sat back on his legs. “Wait, really? Like...you haven’t had sex at all?” (Y/N) shook her head. “Are you sure you want me to be your first then? We can stop now, we have all of eternity to get it on.”

(Y/N) shook her head again. “No, you don’t understand how much I do want this. I want you to be my first, I just wanted to let you know in case...that changed how you felt about me.”

Damon took (Y/N)’s face in his hands. “Nothing could change how I feel about you, (Y/N). I do love you, and I want to be with you. If you want me to be your first, I’ll gladly be your first. I’ll be so gentle, I promise.”

(Y/N) smiled at him and kissed him again. Damon gently guided her so she was laying down again. He undid the button on her jeans and pulled it down her legs before sitting up to shed himself of his own clothes. (Y/N) tried not to look at his hard member for too long, but it was hard not to stare. Damon was definitely above average in that regard, and he definitely had enough experience over her with how long he had been alive.

Damon hovered over her, pressing his lips to hers once again as he aligned himself with her entrance. (Y/N) winced slightly as he began pushing himself into her, but soon felt the pleasure that came after the brief pain.

Damon laid down on her so that their bodies were pressed together. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around him and placed her hands on his back, slightly curling them into fists as Damon began to thrust.

Immense pleasure built up within her almost immediately. Pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. (Y/N) wondered if this was how all sex felt, or if she was only feeling this way because Damon was a vampire. Either way, it was a feeling she could get used to, and that she was excited to get used to with all the time they were about to have together.

A string of moans and curses passed through (Y/N)’s lips as Damon began to kiss her neck again, finding her sweet spot quickly. She moved herself in a way to try and feel Damon as deep inside of her as she possibly could, resulting in the two of them moaning together as Damon filled her up.

His thrusts began to pick up and before either of them knew it, Damon was thrusting so hard that he was nearly moving the bed. He gripped the bed sheets beneath them, trying his hardest not to accidentally hurt (Y/N) while also getting lost in the pleasure he was feeling.

An unfamiliar feeling began to build up in (Y/N), and, before she could even consider what it was, she felt herself hitting her climax. She dug her nails into Damon’s back. She was sure she would’ve drew blood if he wasn’t so much stronger and tougher than she was in every way. Feeling her walls clenching around him, Damon couldn’t help the slight stutter in his thrusts as he began to feel himself climaxing as well.

(Y/N) held Damon for a long time, her vision spotty from the orgasm but slowly coming back. She looked up at the ceiling above them until she was sure she could see again, and let Damon go. He wanted nothing more than to lay there, tangled with her for a long time, but he knew he should pull away and check on her.

“How was that for your first time?” he asked as he settled himself next to her.

(Y/N) rolled onto her side to cuddle into him, wincing as she did so. “I’m a little sore, but I’m assuming that’s a good thing.”

“You will be for a while,” Damon admitted. “We’ll lie here for a while, then I’ll run you a hot bath and you can relax for a while.”

They laid in silence for some time. (Y/N) felt Damon’s cold body against hers. She thought about the events of that day for a long time, about what her agreement to be with Damon for so long, and admitting her feelings for him, meant.

“Are you going to change me?” she asked him, moving her head to look up at him. “Into a vampire, I mean.”

“I would like to eventually,” he responded. “I meant what I said, I want to be with you for eternity. I know that’s a lot to swallow right now, so you can take your time to think about it. If you really do want to be with me, I will change you. If you’d rather it be a normal human relationship, than I won’t, but just know that eventually I will have to leave again, and you’ll have to find someone else.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “No, I want to be with you. I want to change into a vampire, and I do want to marry you...someday.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a but coming.”

(Y/N) smiled. “But, I want to wait until I graduate. I want to finish high school and live through all those milestones while I’m still human. I want to be with you as your girlfriend in that time, it’ll give us enough time to be sure that we both want this. Then, after I’ve graduated, I will marry you, and you can change me.”

Damon held (Y/N) tightly and kissed the top of her head. “Okay, I can agree to that. I’ll just have to make a mental note to propose to you on your graduation day.”

(Y/N) giggled and cuddled into Damon’s chest. She couldn’t help the overwhelming happiness she was feeling within her as she laid there with her boyfriend, the love of her life, and her husband to be.

[authorialarcanist]

It Seems I'll Never Understand (Kagerou Project)

Genre: Angst

Rating: Mature

Pairing(s): Tateyama Ayano x Kisaragi Shintaro

Summary: "...Hey, Shintaro. Why'd you do it? I mean... You could have stayed out of it. It wasn't your fight."

In a world where Shintaro Kisaragi was the one who killed himself on that fateful august day two years prior, Ayano isn't sure what she can do with her life. Living in fear of the Snake of Clearing Eyes, all she can do is think back on the past, and wonder - why it was that her best friend took her place when she's sure he must have hated her, and when was it that it all went wrong.

Shinaya roleswap with a focus on making it work with as few changes to canon as possible.

---

It’s late - late enough that it’s gotten truly dark out. I’m walking along the road to my home, a boy next to me. The bridge we’re crossing seems to stretch out endlessly into the distance, illuminated only by the moon and the street-lamps we’re passing by.

I fiddle with my scarf absentmindedly as I steal a glance at his face. I’m so glad… I was finally able to become friends with him. Or, well… maybe ‘friends’ isn’t the right word just yet. To him, I’m sure I’m still just that stupid girl who made him tutor her for hours after class.

Still… I tell myself that this is the most important first step. Mm-hm. Now that I’ve introduced myself, I’m sure that we’ll be friends - real friends - in no time at all.

“You really saved my life! I never would’ve been able to finish that problem set on my own.” I grin weakly as my babbling inevitably turns to self-deprecation. Ah, well… after my terrible performance back there, trying to act cool for my new friend was a lost cause already. Well, if this was a manga, at least this might be the part where the aloof genius breaks character to reassure me that I can do it?

“Even with my help, it took you way too long…” He sighs. “Geez. I only came here to get my wallet, too. I must be really unlucky.”

—Yeah, right. I’ve only known this guy for a few hours now, but it’s pretty obvious that tender support isn’t his strong suit.

“I really am sorry…” I shrink a little under his criticism. “But! I promise, I won’t forget about today!”

“What are you saying? Didn’t you just say you forget things no matter how much you study?” Ow… I guess I did say that, but… he really has no faith in me at all, huh?

But he just doesn’t get it! Not quite panicking, I redouble my efforts to explain myself. “Today’s special! I’m going to try extra hard not to forget, so it’ll be okay!”

He hums in contemplation and stares away into the distance. And then—

—“Liar.”

I recoil from the sudden accusation. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve broken your promise already, haven’t you? You can’t even remember my name.”

He picks up his pace, and though I try to follow, I can’t seem to move forward.

“Huh? Of course I can!”

“Really? Then why haven’t you said it?”

“Why are you so focused on that all of a sudden?”

“Say it, Ayano.”

“Stop it!”

“Say my name.”

“I— You’re—“ Tears spill from my eyes. I’m trying to say it. Why — why is this happening? Why couldn’t we just keep walking together, chatting about nothing important, like friends do?

“…Yeah. I thought so.” He stops walking, and for some reason, I freeze as well. I have no choice but to watch his back as he speaks. “I guess it’s not your fault, though. Sorry.” He shakes his head. “But… Try to remember, okay?”

He turns to face me again.

His eyes are red.

“If you can’t remember soon, then—“

——

Knock. Knock. Knock. Three hesitant raps on my door.

The sound wakes me from my dream. Already, it’s growing too hazy to remember. All I can say for certain is that hewas there.

He’s always there in my dreams. Maybe it’s some cruel balance for the fact that he’ll never be there again in real life.

“Ayano?”

At the sound of the voice calling for me, I turn over in my bed and bury my face in my pillow, trying not to make any sound to indicate that I’m awake.

“Ayano, please, I know you’re in there. I just want to talk.”

I don’t respond. My father is dead. That’s the best way to think of it. The safest way to think of it. Even when the snake lets him out, it’s only in the hopes of getting me to snap.

“Ayano, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been the best father to you, since your mother died. But please, I just want to know what happened. What happened to Shuuya and Tsubomi and Kousuke. Why you won’t talk to me. Ayano, please.”

My hands clench against the pillow. I force myself to breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

“Ayano…”

In.

Out.

“…Just… think about it, okay? I’m here, if you’re ever ready to talk. Even if you need another two years, I’ll still be here.”

A lie. Dad won’t be here. Just the snake.

“…I love you.”

I stay silent, waiting until the sound of footsteps fades from my hearing. No matter how many times I go through this, it never gets any easier. But… I can’t talk to him.

Even if the snake wasn’t privy to his every thought, I can’t bring myself to speak with the man who sold my world.

“…Is… he gone?” A tinny voice whispers from my computer’s speaker.

I listen for a moment. When nothing happens, I nod. “Yeah.”

My computer monitor lights up as it exits sleep mode, and a girl in blue peeks out from her hiding place behind a browser window. “…I still don’t understand why you don’t leave here, Ayano-chan…”

I shake my head. “I… I just can’t. I’m sorry, Ene.” Ene… that’s what this girl calls herself. About a year ago, she popped out of an email and decided to stick around. She tried to put on this sassy, hyper front at first, but it fell apart pretty quickly.

I’m pretty sure I know who she really is, after all. And she knows I know. I just haven’t been cruel enough to push the topic.

It’s not like she has much of anywhere else to go, after all.

“…Okay. I get it.” She looks down at the taskbar and pokes her index fingers together. “Just… hang in there, okay, Ayano-chan? Do your best.”

“Like my best has ever mattered,” I mumble, and sit down at my computer chair. To be honest, my activities since dropping out of school two years ago have been nothing, nothing, and a heaping dessert of nothing. It’s not like I have any sort of online life to speak of, even. It’s just that… ultimately, there’s nothing else to do when I’m living under the same roof as my father. I can’t risk going outside at the wrong time and having to face him. At least he respects the boundaries of my room; and the snake finds it convenient to leave me a sanctuary under his supervision for as long as he doesn’t have any need of me.

“…So, um… Ayano-chan?” Ene glances up at me, a little shyly. “Can I ask about whether…”

Ah. That. I shake my head. “…I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to him while my father was away, but Konoha really doesn’t seem to remember anything about us.” Konoha… the white-haired boy the Clearing Eyes took in really is just another reminder of my failures. Still, I know that’s not hisfault, and I can’t really blame Ene for being too scared to check up on him herself. Talking to him hurts badly enough for me, and I still hadn’t been quite as close to Haruka as she was. Honestly though, whenever I’d felt safe enough to slip out and check on him, Konoha had seemed pretty nonresponsive. Forget remembering me and Ene; he didn’t seem to remember anything, not even basic things like rain.

“I see…” Ene droops. This happens every time she brings up Konoha; as much as she’s tried to be around for me, I don’t have the first idea how to comfort her when this topic comes up.

Well, honestly, I don’t think I’m in a place to be comforting much of anyone. Back when I tried all those years ago, it only ended in pain.

In the end, I go with the tried and true method of pretending I didn’t see anything. When there’s nothing you can do, acknowledging the problem only ends in more tears, after all. I pass the day mindlessly browsing the web and making more paper cranes for the army that chokes every available surface in my room. Occasionally, I can’t help but fantasize about what things might be like if I had Paper-Animating Eyes. Sending an army of little origami birds to get revenge on the Clearing Eyes… it’d definitely be a more efficient way of getting a wish granted.

Ah well.

At least my father has work during the day and the snake has better things to do than waste time in this lonely house during the nighttime, so I’m able to check on Konoha and grab something from the kitchen for lunch on most days. That’s particularly important, because dinner can be much more spotty, depending on whether my father is in a “bury his problems in work” mood or a “try desperately to be present to make up for selling his soul to an evil snake” one. Well, okay, I really don’t know how much he’s able to retain about what the Clearing Eyes does when in control of his body, but if he really is oblivious about everything that might actually be worse.

Unfortunately he seems to be in a “try to atone” cycle right now, so I’m running off of a single meal when the knocks return once again.

“Ayano.”

Ene hides behind the browser window again, and I click off of the tab showing a video of a mongoose taking down a snake.

…What? Look, I have to deal with the spite somehow.

“I know you’re in there.”

I stay silent.

“I’ve got another mission for you, Ayano. You know the deal by now.”

I freeze. This isn’t dad.

“I trust I don’t need to spell it out for you?”

It’s the other one.

“I’m waiting.Or is this some pathetic attempt at rebellion? If so, I have to applaud. It’s the most pointless one yet.”

I finally find my voice. “I-I understand.”

“Heh. Good.” The snake chuckles. “Two children are coming to stay in this house soon. Your father’s sister-in-law, and some hanger-on. When they’re here, you’re going to be the model of a big sister, understand? Get them to trust you, and then make sure they’re in a certain place on August fifteenth.”

I shrink in on myself. Children? Please, no…

“I said, understand?You know what’ll happen to your family if you refuse…”

“N-no!” I shoot to my feet in panic. “No… I understand…”

“Good.” What should be my father’s voice drips with malice. “See? Wasn’t that easy? Goodbye, Ayano.” Saying the last two words in an odd sing-song voice, the snake leaves. I collapse back into my chair, hugging myself.

“A-ayano-chan…” Ene peeks back out from her hiding spot.

I turn to her with wide eyes.

“Ayano-chan, you don’t have to do this. Please, we can fight back. I’ll help you.”

…If only. But no, I know it’s hopeless.

I can’t fight the snake. All I can do is delay the inevitable.

I shake my head, and start disconnecting the speakers from my computer. If Ene tried to do something brave, and the Clearing Eyes found out…

“…Ayano, please…”

I pull the plug on my monitor. Ene may still have access to the inside of my computer, but the most she’ll be able to do in the house is open and close the CD drive.

“…sorry…” I whisper quietly to myself, even though I know she can’t hear me.

God, how did things turn out this way?

——

I have many precious memories, moments I’ve spent these past two years trying desperately not to forget. Reading storybooks at bedtime with my mom. Meeting my little siblings for the first time. The way my dad’s face used to look when he’d play with us, long before everything happened.

If you were to look through those treasured days, flipping from one to another as though they were files secreted away in a lockbox, one might still stand out from the rest. Perhaps it’s laminated, or hidden behind a false back. Not because it’s more precious than the others - I wouldn’t trade my family for anything - but because it’s unique nonetheless. A moment elevated in its rarity, and in the pain it brings me - not the dull ache of my mom’s face, nor the stabbing betrayal of my father’s failures and mine, but a gaping void of ‘what if’s.

The first time I ever got to see Shintaro smile.

It was during our second year of middle school, a couple months after the day I finally introduced myself. The last test I’d gotten back had been my lowest score yet, and with exams rushing to meet me, I was honestly in a panic.

But then, Shintaro’d spoken up. For the very first time, he gave me a totally unprompted offer to help me study.

“Thank you so much,” I’d sobbed. “I don’t know what I was gonna do…”

“Ugh, don’t be annoying about it!” He’d refused to meet my eyes as he grumbled. “I just know that if you failed your exams I’d somehow get dragged into helping you catch back up. It’s just easier to get this over with this early, alright?”

Whatever his stated reasons, I still felt like I’d been saved when he stuck around to help me pound the latest lessons into my skull. And I don’t know if we finished faster than usual, if something good had happened to him at home, or if his guard was just down that day for some other reason, but one way or another, he decided to stick around and chat for a bit afterwards.

I can still picture it clearly. That sunny classroom, me perched on my desk to bask in the light from the window, him leaning his chair back as we killed time… and the glint of light that drew my eye to the spine of a book just peeking out of his bag.

“Hm? Hey, Shintaro?”

“What?” He glanced lazily back at me.

I tilted my head to read what I could from the spine. It rung a bell; I’d overheard some of the other girls in our class talking about it from time to time. “Isn’t that ‘Let’s Fall In Love’?”

“HUH?” I winced at the sudden crash as Shintaro lost his balance and fell in a heap.

“Ah! Are you okay? I’m sorry!” I rushed to help him up, but he just scrambled back until he was pressed against the wall.

“W-w-w-what are you talking about? I-I don’t, I mean, that’s not—“ Shintaro grabbed suddenly for his bag, but his hand missed its mark and sent the contents spilling out as it toppled over instead. The book landed face up, its cover proudly displaying a drawing of a boy and a girl standing together in a very shoujo-esque artstyle. Emblazoned above the picture was ‘Let’s Fall in Love ~ by Yumeno Sakiko.’

“Umm…”

“I mean! It’s Momo’s! Yeah! My little sister wouldn’t stop pestering me, so I picked up her copy for her, uh-huh! I definitely don’t read shoujo manga!” His stuttering picked up pace as he scrambled for excuses, and I couldn’t help it - some part of me kinda wanted to watch him squirm for a little longer.

So, I grinned slyly and searched my memory of my classmates’ conversations. “Uh-huh? You know, with how Mamiko and Oze were talking in the latest chapter, don’t you think there might be a chance they’ll—“

“THAT’S HERESY!” Shintaro slammed his hands down on the ground, and I winced at the sudden spike in volume. “Mamiko and Suzuki are meantto be together!” He clenched his fist and held it to his chest. “I can’t imagine how anyone would think otherwise after that moment in volume 7! And anyways, Oze and Waka may be having a fight right now, but everyone… knows…” He trailed off as my control failed me and I started to giggle. “…Fine. You caught me. Happy now?”

At the sight of him forcing down a pout and struggling to regain a serious expression, I laughed even harder.

“…So I like shoujo manga. Is it really that funny to you?”

“No, no! I’m sorry!” I did my best to get myself under control. “It’s not that, honestly. You just looked so earnest, and then you kept trying to hide it… If reading that sort of thing makes you happy, then I think that’s a goodthing! It’s actually kinda c—“ I suddenly realized what I was about to say, and blushed heavily. “—I mean, it’s kinda cool! Yeah! You shouldn’t worry what other people will think about your interests, you know?” Oh yeah, that was an absolutely stellarsave, Ayano. Absolutely nobody was gonna suspect that you almost called your classmate ‘cute’ without thinking. Aside from, I dunno, people with eyes.

Thankfully, all of that intelligence must have come out of Shintaro’s perceptiveness instead, because he let it pass without comment. “So…” Shintaro seemed to be looking anywhere in the room other than my face, which might have helped the whole ‘not noticing my face doing a bonfire impression’ thing. “Do… you also read it, then?”

“Huh?”

“Y, you know! ‘Let’s Fall in Love’!”

“A, ah! Right!” I snapped out of my thoughts. Right, let’s just pretend that slip never happened for now, and I can unpack whatever the heck it meant on my own time, when I won’t make my one school friend think I’m even more of a weirdo than he already does. “Ehehe… Not really, actually.” I scratched the back of my head and grinned sheepishly. “I was just parroting something I overheard. I’m more into the shounen stuff, you know? Hot-blooded super sentai fighting to save the world, and all that.”

“Really? But they’re so formulaic. You can see everything coming from a mile away. And how do those guys get through posing dressed like that and not die of embarrassment?”

Well, I couldn’t just sit there and take that. “What? Hold on a moment, like your mushy stuff is any better! Aren’t they all just ‘boy meets girl, cue nothing happening for the rest of their school lives’?”

“Wh— they are not!There’s nuanceand relationship growth and everything!” Woah. Shintaro was looking about the most fired up I’d ever seen him! At that thought, an idea clicked in my head.

“Hmm… Alright, then!” I grinned at him and gave a sharply enunciated chuckle, heh-heh-heh. “Why don’t you tell me more about this series, and if you manage to change my mind I’ll give reading it a try? And then, in return, you’ll watch an episode of Engine Sentai Go-Onger with me, and we’ll see how you feel about heroes after that!”

Shintaro rose to the challenge. “Fine! Come on then, I’ll teach you about why Yumeno-sensei is a master! I mean, her portrayal of Mamiko’s inner struggles alone touches the heart, even for a boy like me! There’s this moment in chapter 12 when she…” He lit up as he talked, gesturing wildly with the plot points. I’m a little ashamed to say that I actually stopped paying attention after a few moments, because my focus suddenly seemed drawn to his face. He was grinning - actually grinning, the first genuine smile I’d seen from him in, well, ever- as he opened up about his interest.

I can only remember thinking two things as we walked home that day.

The first was, ‘What a pretty smile.’

The second was, ‘…oh. Crap.’

…So, yeah. It looked like I maybe had a teeny little crush. That was okay! It was fine! It meant I was finally starting to grow up, right? Anyways, whatever Shintaro’s romance manga said, I was pretty sure that people were supposed to get a lot of those with time. They didn’t have to mean anything, or, y’know, gamble their only real non-family friendships on the chance that someone who was really smart and cute would still want to hang out with a dumb girl they barely tolerated helping out if she asked.

Not a problem! I’d just go about my life as normal, and it’d fade in time. Eventually, I’d probably look back on this day and laugh.

…And if in the meantime, I wanted to see him smiling like that again? Well, that could be my little secret.

——

Of course, let nobody accuse me of being a good planner. Obviously, the darn thing only seemed to get stronger with time. Wanting to see Shintaro smile because I wanted him to be happy slowly morphed into wanting to be the reasonhe was smiling like that. Hoping that maybe, if I could be the one to make this lonely boy smile, that’d mean I was actually worth somethingreally the hero I pretended to be.

Mom died, and I had to be the strength for the whole family as dad seemed like half his world had gone missing, but no matter how much I needed comfort of my own, I wasn’t ready to tell him.

We met Takane and Haruka, and one friend turned into three, but even though I’d only be gambling 33% instead of 100, I was still too scared to tell him.

And then I found out that dad had changed, what the thing in his body had planned for Haruka and Takane and my siblings, and suddenly my stupid little feelings didn’t seem so important. I had to research the read eyes, and I needed Shuuya to cover for me, and in the end I didn’t have the attention to spare for my friend my crush my…

…for Shintaro. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice our growing distant. Why I didn’t notice things growing strained.

Why I didn’t notice that I really was just burdening him with my own expectations.

Didn’t notice until a hill at sunset, a hand snatched away, his back receding into the distance while I stood alone.

After that, I wondered about a lot of things. How much had been genuine, and how much really had just been putting up with me. How much of my motives had been pure, and how much had been that dark little thrill of seeing him down and feeling like I was still needed.

How cruel it must have been, to plan what I was planning and still try to hold onto his hand until the last minute.

So I didn’t try again. I delegated as much school time as I could to Shuuya (and carefully didn’t wonder why his face was growing more stressed, why his own time seemed to draw thin.) I withdrew further, and dedicated everything I had to my lonely mission. August fifteenth came all too soon at last, and I shoved my responsibilities onto Takane, told her to be honest with her feelings even as I swore that my own were better ignored. I wrapped my scarf around my neck, the colour of a hero, I steeled myself and turned to mount the stairs, and I was interrupted.

“Shuuya? What are you doing?” My little brother had arrived in front of me, hands on his knees as he gasped for breath.

“N, neechan, please!” Panting, Shuuya raised his eyes to meet mine. They glistened with tears. “You have to— you have to stop Shintaro-kun! He’s about to do something really stupid!”

“Huh?” I was taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“He’s already gone to the roof! I couldn’t do anything! Neechan, please!”

“The roof?” I still didn’t understand, but I burst into a run anyways, leaving my brother behind. Why was Shintaro even here today, when he didn’t need summer school? Why did Shuuya know about it? What could he be doing on the roof, other than…?

He wasn’t involved. God, please, he wasn’t involved, why was he here?

I took the steps two at a time, ignoring the pain shooting through my lungs, and had no choice but to stop for breath and lean against the wall for a moment when I finally reached the door leading outside.

My father’s voice filtered in from outside. No - not my father. The thingwearing his skin. “Honestly, kid.” He sounded mildly exasperated, like my dad did whenever a student had turned in a particularly baffling answer on a quiz. “You think that you’re gonna be the big damn hero? You really think there’s a single thing you can do here to beat me?”

“No.” Shintaro, this time. “Honestly, it’s a stupid plan. Totally useless in every way. But hey.” A dark chuckle. “Objectively speaking, the life of a rotten boy like me is just worthless enough to make it worth trying.”

I’d finally caught my breath, but at that it caught in my throat. Did he mean—

I burst through the door, screaming, “Shintaro, NO!” The roof was empty except for two people. My father, standing on solid ground looking mildly vexed. And Shintaro, clad in that red jersey I’d said I liked, the color of a hero, sitting perched half-on the fence around the edge of the roof and half dangling over open air.

His eyes met mine, and no matter how hard I try I know I’ll never forget the way his face clouded over, the way his eyes darkened, or the words he said to me at that moment.

“…Oh.

“Ayano.

“The very last person I wanted to see.”

His final curse delivered, he leaned back. The world distorted around him, horrible discordant red tearing open fangs in the sky.

And he fell.

I must have screamed, but it’s a blur. I just know that by the time I came to, I’d fallen on my knees, and the thing that took my father was laughing.

Laughing.

“Ha! You kids never fail to surprise me, you know that? I never once would have expected that depressing little thing to get up off his ass and do something like this!” He paused. “Well okay, I guess I would, but the part where he tried to stand up to me was still new.”

Before I even knew what I was doing, I’d jumped to my feet and was tackling him. “SHUT UP!”

“Whoops!” Somehow, my father’s body stepped out of the way before I could react. I found myself impacting concrete and rolling on the roof, scrapes all over my body where I’d fallen. “Come on, brat. You’re a big girl now, you should be used to hearing swear words by now. Or wait, are you angry about the boy?”

With a wordless scream, I threw myself at him again, but this time he casually stuck out a leg and tripped me.

“You might still have time to save him, you know. Throw yourself off the roof after him, and maybe you could convince him to come on out and bring me that snake he stole.” He sneered. “Of course, it’d mean making this whole little sacrifice play all for nothing. And this guy” he tapped the side of my father’s head, “might even willingly help me kill the brat if you did! Oh, now thatdespair would be delicious to see.”

I swallowed the pain as my fists clenched, scraped raw though they were. “…Shut up. You… you’re just trying to convince me because you know your plan’s finished. You can’t gather the snakes now. There’s no… no more reason to kill Takane and Haruka, or the others.”

*snrk.* The monster covered his mouth with a hand.

“What’s supposed to be so funny?”

“Ha! Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just… you think this kid managed to save your friends? Please.” He rolled his eyes. “He was too late. They’re already dead.” He shrugged and continued in a sing-song voice. “And anyways, the boy was a goner already. You should be thankingme; this way, at least he has a chanceof living for another year or two.”

“W…what…?” I slumped, the fight draining from my veins. No. It couldn’t be. Takane and Haruka… they were gone, too?

My “father” walked up to me and rested a hand on my shoulder. To anyone watching, it might have just looked like a father comforting his daughter; but I could feel his fingers dig into my flesh in a vice grip. “Still, working this all back out from the top is going to be a pain. And that’s not even counting all of the cleanup I have to do! It’s one thing for those other two kids; I’d made preparations for them. But spinning the sudden disappearance of this brat, too? No, that’s far too much work.” He crouched down until he was level with me, a too-wide smile on his face. A shiver ran down my spine. “So, Ayano.I’m going to have you do me a little favor, alright? And before you consider trying to do something brave, consider just who it is that has your family’s life in his hands, hmm? Don’t say anything; just nod.” I nodded, stricken. Everything I’d planned had come to nothing in a few short minutes. “You’re going to find Shuuya for me, and you’re going to have him go make himself look like this guy -“ he waved vaguely at the empty edge of the roof - “’s body for me. A suicide should be easy enough to explain away. Especially when the victim was as gloomy-looking as this asshole here. Honestly, people’re gonna think it was a miracle he lasted as long as he did.” My fists clenched again at relentless slander, but there was nothing I could do. I was totally and utterly defeated. “You got it, Ayano? Do this, and I’ll let the people you care about live a little longer.” He chuckled. “…Well, what’s left of them, at least. Hahahaha!”

How could I have ever thought I could be a hero? All I’d managed to do was arrive too late to save either of the snake’s intended victims, and drag a bystander to his death in the process.

In the end, tears streaming down my face, all I could do was nod.

——

“Neechan!” Shuuya rushed up to me the minute I exited the school. He grabbed my hands - I didn’t resist - and gasped at the scrapes all over them. “What happened to you? Where’s Shintaro-kun?”

“Shintaro— He’s—“ My voice caught.

“Nee…chan…?” I could see the exact moment Shuuya caught on. His eyes widened and his face fell, all in one motion. “Dammit! And just when the guy starts to convince me he’s not all bad, he has to go and do something like this…” His hands tightened involuntarily around mine, but I couldn’t even find the energy to wince.

I spoke in a flat voice, forcing myself to put one word in front of the next. “Shuuya. There’s something very important I need you to do.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“You need to use your power to turn into Shintaro. Let somebody discover ‘his’ body, so there’ll be a record. If you don’t, then… then he’ll…” My voice caught again, but I forced myself to continue before Shuuya could ask any questions. “And then there’s one more thing you need to do. I need you to take Tsubomi and Kousuke, and go away. Go somewhere far away from here, and don’t— don’t tell me anything about where you’re going. You can’t contact me at all, okay? I can’t have any way to find out more about you.”

“W—what?”

“It’s the only way that you’re going to be safe. I… we can’t stop the Clearing Eyes. He can have you all killed in a moment.”

Shuuya must have been able to see the seriousness in my eyes, because he didn’t try to debate the point. “Okay, but… Why can’t you come with us? We can all run, that’ll be safer!”

I just shook my head. “…No. He… he’ll find me, somehow. He knew how to respond to everything that I tried. Anything I do… no matter what, I’m sure he’ll…” I hugged myself and started slowly walking towards the path home. It was clear to me now. I was nothing more than a puppet dancing on the Clearing Eyes’ strings.

“W-wait, Neechan! Come back!”

“Goodbye, Shuuya. Please don’t forget to do what I told you. Consider it… My final request as your sister.”

“NEECHAN!”

——

“…Hey, Shintaro. Why’d you do it?”

I lie on my back, staring at the empty ceiling as I talk to the air.

“I mean… You could have stayed out of it. It wasn’t your fight.”

The cranes crowding every surface above me seem to swirl and distort, like a heat haze.

My head keeps playing his final moments on repeat. Even as the happy days grow dimmer and dimmer, I can’t seem to forget his last words no matter how hard I try.

‘The very last person I wanted to see.’

“If… if you hated me so much, why didn’t you just let me be the one to jump? Why take my place?”

I wonder… if I’d been the one to jump that day, would he have been able to do what I couldn’t? I indulge in a brief fantasy of Shintaro, red jacket flapping behind him, standing tall with my siblings as they face down the Clearing Eyes together.

…Somehow, I just can’t see it. Sorry, Shintaro.

‘The life of a rotten boy like me is worthless’

“…Did you hate yourselfthat much? Were you so sick of life that you grabbed the first excuse you could find?”

…Maybe. But… somehow, as much as he tried to shut the world out, I can’t help but see Shintaro as someone who was brimming with life underneath it all. At the very least, whenever he talked about his sister, he didn’t seem like he’d want to leave her.

The thought of Momo-chan makes me wince. Another memory, this time of her crying and screaming at me when I’d tried to comfort her.

When I’d broken down and sobbed that it was all my fault.

I can’t blame her for hating me. To be honest, I wonder if it wasn’t what I was secretly hoping for.

Just another case where Ayano’s self-satisfaction came before actually doing her job.

My alarm clock rings. I’d set it instead of my phone, to make sure Ene couldn’t try and be a hero. (I can’t help but hope that she’s given up on me, and found her way to somebody who’ll be a better friend.) It means that the children…

…my victims…

…should be arriving soon.

I push myself to my feet. In the end, even blaming myself is just pointless self-satisfaction. I’ve made the choice to play this role; I made the decision that these two children were worth less than the family I know and care about.

It doesn’t take too long to get myself presentable. I choose an outfit that looks like its owner hasn’t been in hiding for the last two years, and glance at my scarf, hanging wrinkled and dusty on a hook.

My hands shake.

And I turn away without touching it. I don’t deserve to wear that color.

Not when red is the color of blood.

“Sorry, Shintaro. Guess you made the wrong trade, in the end. Even a genius like you makes mistakes, huh?”

With that snide remark, I turn my back on his sacrifice and walk out into the house.

…Still, a thought flits across my mind.

—Ah, I would have liked to see that smile, just one more time.

The doorbell rings. It’s time.

I hide my feelings behind a smile, painting it from ear to ear.

And I open the front door.

[the-gay-trashmouth]

So I’m the worst. As soon as I started the Newsies Gift Exchange my mental health took a nose dive and my school decided to ramp up the assignments to 100. I never forgot and I have been working on it when I had the time so here it is! I'm so sorry I'm late @annihilatedthenightstalker . I hope you enjoy my very very late gift. I am so sorry. 

Prompt- Jack's really scared for some reason and David sees him cry for the first time, its then he finds out just how touch-starved Jack is.

If there was one thing David knew, it was that Jack Kelly would be the death of him. He wasn’t even mad about it, it was just a simple fact of life that he had come to accept.

That's what he thought as Sarah shoved him awake, telling him in no kind words that his Cowboy was at the window and he needed to go take care of it. He yawned before pushing off the bed and making his way to the open window where Jack did, in fact, sit waiting for him.

He leaned out the window, fixing him with an unimpressed look. “What are you doin’ here so late? Don’t ya have a bed waitin’ at the lodge?”

Jack shrugged, but he was shaking like he’d seen a ghost. David’s expression went from annoyed to concerned as Jack spoke.

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t sleep none and I thought- well you like all that star stuff and the skies real clear so-” he gestured shakily, “I thought we could go watch some, may-maybe you could tell me all that stuff you learned about the patterns and stuff.”

David watched him carefully, watched the way he couldn’t sit still, the way he was glancing around like something would pop out to get him any second now. After a moment he sighed, “yeah… yeah okay Jackie. Lemme get dressed and I’ll meet ya on the roof, a’ight?”

Jack nodded quickly, already climbing the ladder. David watched him for a moment, concern twisting in his chest. He turned back to see Sarah watching him with tired eyes.

“That’s not what I meant when I said make him go away,” she said flatly.

David shrugged, “he doesn't look too good, Saz. I can’t just let him go wander the streets like this,” he argued, though Sarah didn’t look convinced. Thankfully, she didn’t push it, just rolled her eyes and laid back down.

“Whatever, don’t complain to me when you're exhausted tomorrow.”

He sighed, tugging a patched sweater over his undershirt and fastening his suspenders to his pants. She had a point, but he wasn’t about to admit it. Besides, he couldn’t just leave Jack to his own devices, not when he’s like this.

When he pulled himself up to the roof, the first thing he saw was Jack, still pacing with his hands still shaking. David tried to shake off his anxiety as he pushed himself to a stand, but the lingering clench of concern twisted around his heart. He didn’t like seeing Jack like this, it hurt too much.

“You’re gonna walk a hole in your shoes if you keep that up,” Jack jumped at his voice, but a shaky grin still found its way onto his face.

“Oh well, you could patch ‘em up for me, couldn’t ya Dave?”

David rolled his eyes, nudging Jack’s shoulder as he passed, “might could, question is would I?” he pulled one of his sheets down from the line before sitting down.

Jack just grinned, taking his place beside him, “‘course ya’ would, what kind a partner wouldn’t?”

He snorted, nudging Jack’s shoulder with his own. He was right, of course, Dave would do anything he could for him- Jack knew damn well he would too. Everyone did.

“Keep tellin’ yourself that, Kelly.”

Jack grinned, nudging him back before leaning on his hands to look at the sky. David followed suit- Jack was right. It was an incredibly clear night. He could see so many stars, he could even make out a few major constellations.

After a moment of silence Jack elbowed him in the ribs, pointing up to the stars, “That one there’s the big dipper, ain’t it?”

David followed his finger, trying to connect the pattern he was seeing. It was a bit difficult because his hands were still shaking. “Yeah, I think so- ya know the big dipper’s just a part of a bigger constellation, Ursa Major. A bear.”

Jack tilted his head, dropping his arm to his side and squinting at the sky, “don’t look like no bear to me.”

The other boy snorted, using his own hand to point out the rest of the pattern, “yeah see- there's the head and the big body, and those little stars make the legs- see? Bear.” Jack just tilted his head farther, blonde hair falling into his face.

“I don’t- hang on, yeah. Yeah I see what you mean, ‘s like one of them stick figures, right?”

“Yeah, basically, I mean it’s really abstract. See, right near it is Leo, it’s supposed to be a lion.”

Jack followed his finger again, watching as he pointed out the stars and traced the lines. Jack squinted at it, “yeah- it just looks like a bunch a dots to me”

David snorted, looking over to see Jack watching him with a soft smile. He tilted his head, nudging Jack’s shoulder again. As much as he would love to go on and on about the stars and the stories behind him, he had to find out what was wrong.

“So, I know ya didn’t come here lookin for a lesson on astronomy. What’s wrong with ya? Somethin’ happen with the boys?”

Jack froze, still staring at the sky. David could see him trying to keep his easy grin but it was forced. Somehow that hurt worse than a frown.

“Nah Dave, nothin’ happened with them…”  he trailed off, picking at the concrete beneath him.

“Well what’s wrong? And don’t say nothin- I know when you’re lyin.”

“Aw c’mon, you wound me! I don’t lie-”

David cut him off, rolling his eyes, “fine. ‘Improvin’ the truth’ or whatever- not much of a difference.”

Jack chuckles, leaning forward to rest his chin on his knees. “Yeah, you’se too observant for ya’ own good sometimes.”

“And you’re too stubborn for yours,” he shot back, taking a breath before continuing to speak, voice much softer this time, “what’s eatin’ at ya, Jackie?”

Jack shuddered, face hidden behind his messy bangs. He was quiet for a moment before he muttered something just under his breath.

“I can’t hear ya, Jack,” he said plainly, leaning forward to try and catch his eyes. Jack just looked away,

“My Pa…. he’s… Spots just got news that he got out a’ the pen,” David’s breath caught in his throat as Jack spoke, his words shaking.

“Oh shit,” he breathed. For once, The Walking Mouth had been rendered speechless. Jack laughed, rough and strained.

“Yeah.. oh shit..” he pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. David set a hand on his shoulder, mind too frantic to linger on the way Jack tensed under his touch.

“Are you okay? He- he don’t know where you’se stayin’ does he? Shit- he can’t- Jackie..” now it was David’s turn to shake, the hand not gripping Jack’s shoulder running through his curly bed head. Jack shrugged, adamantly refusing to look at him. David cut himself off, words dying in his throat.

“Jackie…” he dropped the hand from his hair to his lap, “what are you gonna do?”

Jack shrugged again, but David could feel his shoulders begin to shake. David waited for a moment as Jack sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t know Dave… I mean I don’t- I don’t think he knows where I’se stayin’ but what if he does?”

David let the hand on his shoulder drop to his back, rubbing small circles into the thin fabric of his shirt like his mama would do when he was in a state. He didn’t know what to say and his mind was racing to come up with something. Something to fix it, something to make it all better.

Nothing came to mind.

Jack was still shaking but he leaned into Davey’s touch, taking in shuddering breaths as he hid his face in his knees. “Dave I- I don’t know what I’m gonna do…”

When he finally looked up, there were tears in his eyes. Davey’s heart clenched as he sucked in a harsh breath. Jack never cried- sure he got upset, angry enough to punch a hole through a wall or anxious to where he couldn’t breathe, but he never cried.

Davey didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m scared, Dave…”

That was the final straw. David gripped Jack’s shirt with shaking hands and jerked him into his long arms. He wrapped around him, using his height to his advantage as he enveloped Jack in a shaking embrace.

“Oh Jackie…” he buried his nose in his hair, pushing back his own tears.

Jack froze for a moment, just long enough for David to worry he’d gone too far before there were fingers digging into his back and Jack “Cowboy” Kelly was sobbing into his shoulder.

“I- fuck Dave-” David shushed him as he cried, arms tightening around him as the older boy cried his eyes out into his shoulder. He could feel his sleeves soaking through but that was the least of his worries right now. He was too busy trying to comfort the shaking mass of boy in his arms to give a dmn about his stupid shirt.

“It’s okay Jackie- let it all out. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. You can stay with us or- or hell I'm sure Spotty would let ya crash at the Brooklyn Lodge if he shows up in ‘Hattan,” he spoke frantically into Jack’s hair, trying everything to reassure him that there was no way his father would get anywhere near him. Jack just shudder out something between a laugh and a sob.

“Spotty don’t let no one but Racer stay at the lodge,”

“Spotty ain’t gonna leave you on the streets Jackie,” David pulled back just a bit, ignoring the soft whine that came from Jack, “none of us will, for that matter. You’se family, Jackie, an’ family don’t let family suffer.”

Jack blinked at him, tears still flowing from his eyes. When he spoke it was broken and strained, “you’re too good to me, Dave-”

David cut him off, thumbing away his tears, “no- people just ain’t been good enough.”

Jack sniffled, leaning into his palm. “Can I…. shit, can I stay here? Just for tonight. I don’t.. I don’t wanna walk back alone…”

Davey managed a smile, hand still cupping his cheek, “Jackie, you can stay as long as you want.”

[merryfortune]

little potplants

Written for 100ships on Dreamwidth

Prompt #61 Green

Ship: Saviorshipping | Ryoken/Spectre/Yusaku

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Word Count: 2,458

Rating: T

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Tags:  Fluff, Established Relationship, Polyamory

AN: this is a very silly and dramatic fic about chia pets

   Yusaku had finally gotten what he had wanted. What he wanted was Ryoken’s love and companionship. It just so happened that what Yusaku wanted came with one stipulation. One very Spectre shaped stipulation.

   Once more, Yusaku gave all his heart, as shackled by chains and scarred as it was, to Ryoken and rather than spurn him, Ryoken accepted it. And once more, Yusaku conveyed the hope that Ryoken had given him all those years ago and it made Ryoken sigh heavily. Though it was a lonely place, there was one more who sided with Ryoken on the side of that chasm than just Yusaku: that person was Spectre, who had pledged all his soul to Ryoken. Ryoken refused to let Spectre slip to the wayside so he gave Yusaku an ultimatum: both of them or neither of them.

   Yusaku didn’t have to hesitate. He thought of what Ai had taught him: to love people, not just one person and though Spectre was… quirky, to be polite about it, Yusaku would try not to mind. He recalled his duel with Lightning and the fervour in which spectre had duelled, his clever plays and the peculiar beauty of his aesthetics. Though they had treated each other poorly, at best, in each other’s duel, Spectre had been inspired most gallantly because of Yusaku so, he would try to get along with Spectre, if only for Ryoken.

   Thus, if Yusaku and Ryoken were prisoners of fate, then it would not be allowed by Ryoken’s decree that Spectre would be the warden of such a miserable, if romantic, declaration. Yusaku accepted that. He and Spectre, on the surface, did not appear to have much in common but they did have one thing at least: they had both loved Ryoken for ten years.

   However, the practice was much different to the theory and to the dramatic highs of this relationship. In practice, it was much, much more awkward.

   The mode of the relationship - or relationships, more accurately - was rather distant. Yusaku was not yet ready to move out of his apartment and with both Ryoken and Spectre. It would be inconvenient to him as he had returned to going school and their mansion was hardly close to campus and their cruiser liner was even further away. So, mostly their kisses and conversations were through text messages and video calls. It was probably for the best as they all needed to go slowly in the beginnings of this three-way relationships.

   But once in a while, the stars aligned for them to meet up either in the meat space or in the Link VRAINS. It wasn’t as rare as an eclipse but it was easy to miss. Sometimes Ryoken came round to Cafe Nagi for his usual hot dog, sometimes with Spectre in tow, sometimes not. 

   Other times, they crossed each others’ paths in the digital world. With Ai back, Yusaku wanted to bring back the other Ignis. The Knights of Hanoi were not hindering this mission of Yusaku but out of professionalism and their commitment to atonement, they weren’t helping him either. Ryoken refused to spoil Yusaku like that but Spectre was quietly pleased with the sentiment that one day, possibly one day soon if he was lucky, he might get to meet Earth properly.

   But whilst Ryoken consistently made Yusaku feel welcome and warm, with every greeting to every message or happenstance, it made the contrary all the more apparent to Yusaku. Spectre was not quite so open. Ryoken was reserved but in what moments of privacy he and Yusaku had together, they usually began or ended with Ryoken kissing Yusaku on the cheek. Spectre was not nearly as affectionate. Or verbal. And it was increasingly making Yusaku worry about whether or not having what he wanted was worth it.

   Perhaps Spectre was not quite as gungho about sharing Ryoken than Ryoken had been willing to bet. Of course, Spectre didn’t utter a single complaint; he followed this order like he did any other order but there was a detached coldness whenever he rubbed shoulders with Yusaku which, whilst infrequent, was still quite noticeable. 

   So, shyly, Yusaku did ask about it eventually, “Are you sure Spectre likes me?” he asked in a tiny voice.

   He rang Ryoken and made sure Ryoken was alone. Ryoken had high - even salacious - hopes for this but Yusaku’s question did catch him off guard. He had somewhat expected it. He had noticed the standoffishness that Spectre emanated whenever it was all three of them or some combination thereof.

   “Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied. He sounded very understanding about it but Yusaku still chewed his lip.

   “Are you certain?” Yusaku insisted.

   “Yes, I’m sure.” Ryoken replied again and Yusaku could hear the patient smile in his voice. “I can prove it.”

   “How?” Yusaku asked flatly.

   “Spectre and I’ll drop around tomorrow. We can bring groceries around and have dinner together for once, doesn’t that sound nice?” Ryoken mused.

   “Yeah, it does…” Yusaku murmured, entirely unconvinced that one evening together would be enough to prove or sway the pendulum that he was worried about.

   “We’ll come around about an hour after you would get out of school, does that work for you?” asked Ryoken.

   “It does.” Yusaku told him.

   “Good, see you then, so… until then, bye, I love you.” Ryoken said.

   Yusaku blushed as he replied, “Bye, I love you, too.”

   The line went silent and Yusaku was still entirely convinced that Spectre did not like him and would never like him. It was an unusual feeling for him but acknowledging that did little to alleviate the horrible feeling in his guts. It was like the exact opposite of having butterflies in his stomach, it was more like having elephants. It was awful. Spectre was awful, too, but he seemed an entirely different person outside of the Link VRAINS despite very much wearing the same face.

   The following day went as smooth as high school could go for anyone. There were assessments and social blunders but nothing particularly gruesome. Yusaku even managed to have some spotty and bland conversations with both Shima and Aoi at different points of the day but he very much wanted to take them over Ryoken and Spectre. He was still very concerned as to how his date this evening would go as he could only imagine it as going disastrously.

   He returned home and got ready for his date. Ai was very happy about it. Yusaku hadn’t even wanted to tell Ai about this date or any of the worries that he had over in the knightdom of Hanoi but unfortunately for him, this triadic relationship had become Ai’s favourite to invest in. There wasn’t a single secret Yusaku could keep around Ai anymore and Ai relished in that. He cheered Yusaku on as he put himself through the shower and got into his best clothes. Not that Yusaku needed the encouragement but given how wracked his nerves were, he couldn’t say it wasn’t appreciated.

   His hair was still damp when Yusaku heard his doorbell ring. Ai gave him a big thumbs up from his perch on Yusaku’s desk where his duel disc was his throne and Yusaku weakly smiled back. With Yusaku’s laptop nearby, Ai was content to surf the ‘net and binge sketchy cartoons all night and therefore, wouldn’t disrupt or otherwise cause warfare downstairs on his date.

   Yusaku smiled shakily as he opened his front door and he immediately noticed that he was out-dressed by both Ryoken and Spectre, “Hey,” he said, “I’m glad the two of you could make it.”

   “It's our pleasure.” Ryoken assured him.

  He reached out to Yusaku and cupped his hands whilst kissing his cheek. Yusaku smiled but he glanced towards Spectre who was trying his best to blend in with the cityscape behind him. He was holding onto a small box and had a cloth tote bag slung over his shoulders.

   Ryoken pulled back and Yusaku stepped aside. He let both his partners inside and he felt a flush of embarrassment regarding his apartment given how basic it was. To say nothing of the great big cracks in the walls and other flaws but neither Ryoken nor Spectre ever said a bad word about it. They merely came inside and made themselves at home.

   Spectre placed the tote bag on the counter and Yusaku curiously approached. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was a magic item inside of it to make him and Spectre get along better was inside of it but from just a sneak peak, all Yusaku could really see was the ingredients to make curry. However, they were very premium ingredients.

   “How mild or spicy do you like your curry?” Spectre asked since Yusaku had taken interest; he was still holding onto that little box.

   “I don’t really care.” Yusaku said, shrugging. “Surprise me.”

   “Okay then.” Spectre said and his hand clenched slightly.

   Ryoken, who had sat down at the table as Yusaku had meagrely put out a pitcher of cold water and cups, cleared his throat. Spectre made an annoyed noise.

   “I have something for you as well.” Spectre said and his expression was difficult to read. “Here.”

   He shoved the box into Yusaku’s possession and he blinked.

   “For you.” Spectre clarified.

   “Okay then.” Yusaku replied and he decided he wanted to sit down to open the box which, now that it was in his hands, looked bigger than before and the contents was emptier than he imagined.

   They were all sitting at the table now; Spectre sat with Ryoken, who had an arm around Spectre, cuddly, and Yusaku sat across from both. He had set the box down and began to undo the bow atop of it. It wasn’t gift wrapped, it just so happened to have a fancy, mint green facade to it and was donned with a translucent yellowy-coloured ribbon. He pulled it apart and took the lid off the box.

   Spectre watched very intently as Yusaku did this. His stare was stern and in total contrast to how playfully Ryoken watched him. Ryoken, meanwhile, had a smirk like a cat on his face and both made Yusaku feel a grand pressure to like whatever was in the box. He reached in and he wasn’t entirely sure what he pulled out. 

   There were three of them, though. All made from terracotta but were in the shape of little animals: a cat, a goat, and a hedgehog. They were cute but useless, Yusaku thought as he inspected the goat. He noticed it had a hole in its back and the hole was filled with something dark that he didn’t recognise inside of a crinkly, whitish sachet.

   “What are they?” he asked.

   “Chia pets.” Ryoken stated simply. “It means he likes you.”

   “I don’t really get it…” Yusaku murmured as he set down the goat with a clink in favour of looking at the cat. Though, knowing it was likely seeds inside of those sachets inside of the little terracotta animals did make slightly more sense.

   “They represent us.” Spectre murmured. “You’re the cat, I’m the goat, and Ryoken-sama is the hedgehog. When Ryoken-sama and I were little, he gave me some chia pets and I still have them. They are very beloved to me and my collection of plants. Ryoken-sama thought it would be a good idea if I shared that with you and I agreed. Good things come in threes with you two, don’t they?”

   “Oh.” Yusaku mumbled and he surprised himself by getting misty eyed at hearing that. The way he was holding onto the cat shaped chia pet changed, it now had a very treasured purpose to it. He couldn’t be flippant with such a precious gift now, could he?

   Ryoken smiled, pleased with himself.

   “I’m still getting my bearings with all of this. I apologise if we haven’t been on the best of terms but that’s not my intention. But you are important to Ryoken-sama and therefore, important to me. I had a prior infatuation with you but I don’t want that, I want something more stable than that for you since you are very serious about Ryoken-sama and his feelings, otherwise I doubt you would have bothered with making peace with me.” Spectre stiltedly explained.

   “Thank you, Spectre, I appreciate your perspective,” Yusaku said, he knew the feeling well himself, he hadn’t wanted to let a similar idealisation of Ryoken get in the way either, he squeezed the little terracotta pot, “I’ll treasure them, I promise to take good care of them.”

   “You better,” Spectre pouted, “I’ll be very cross with you if you don’t.”

   Yusaku laughed and even Ryoken was amused but he did benevolently offer, “Stop teasing him, Spectre.” he said. “Why don’t we make dinner? I feel like lunch was ages ago now with all the shopping we did to prepare.”

   “Fine by me.” Spectre relented.

   Yusaku smiled and he petted the head of his cat-shaped chia pet. He was serious about taking good care of it and especially its friends, the goat and the hedgehog. He was looking forward to seeing them grow green and fuzzy with strands upon strands of sprouted chia. He would absolutely put his three, little pot plants in a place of honour, he wasn’t quite sure yet where that place of honour would be but he was going to find it. For now, he was quite drawn to allowing them to live at the end of his dining table as it did get a little bit of sunlight and was close to a source of water but he also wouldn’t mind putting them in his room, close to him always. Decisions, decisions but for now, he would simply get up and offer his assistance in the kitchen.

    Yusaku piped up with a rather dreamy expression, “I want to help, too.”

   “Good, it would be rude to make your guests do all your cooking after all.” Spectre sniped him.

   “Very true.” Ryoken agreed.

   Yusaku made an embarrassed noise but got up with both of his partners. It was strange but he could feel that something had shifted. He felt closer to Spectre and ergo, closer to Ryoken as well, given their bond. He hoped that meant for an end of the night with a kiss from them both as well as a delicious dinner that they all helped with. It made him oddly excited and both Ryoken and Spectre noticed and relished that slight adjustment, too. So, with a little bit of luck and care, maybe not too long into the future, they could try a chia pudding for dessert after another dinner at Yusaku’s place given that tonight had gone off without a seeming hitch.

[aknosde]

I have a lot of thoughts about Percy’s junior year because Rick is stupid and literally forgot about an entire year of Percy’s life. I also made the executive decision that this is the year Percy backslides (but can you really call it backsliding if he never worked through the trauma?) Without further ado

with a little mist they patch up Percy’s extended absence but decide it’s better if he doesn’t go back to Goode. He doesn’t really care because he didn’t have any friends there besides Rachel, this is where he goes to AHS (literally the only thing I know about TOA, and the rest of it will be ignored)

He’s not going to school with Annabeth because she said senior year together, so she’s still in California, which he’s thankful for so he doesn’t have to feel like he’s disappointing her

Originally he had been reported as missing, but now that he’s back it raises too many questions (this is where they use the mist) so it’s resulted in a really weird transcript that makes it very unclear if he actually finished his sophomore year (he did it online over the summer, and he did pretty well too)

As always he is singled out as ‘the weird kid’. This is because he only wears the longer versions of the uniform (even when it’s really hot out), has a problem with staring, and the grey streak in his hair (ignoring cannon for this one)

He makes approximately two friends (kinda?) and all of the popular kids hate him

There’s this ‘professional administrative counselor and student consultant’ who isn’t an actual counselor and thinks Percy is hella sus. A lot of its because Percy’s transcript and record, but basically he tries to not let ‘bad kids’ into AHS and he wants Percy to leave so the school’s reputation doesn’t get tarnished

Some of the teachers are nice but a lot of them are ableist

Due to that and Percy’s severely under diagnosed PTSD, anxiety, and depression, his grades really fall, but he doesn’t tell anyone

Chemistry is his favorite class and chemistry and history are the only classes he does well in.

This one popular kid who is on the football team or something really likes to physically bully people and in Percy’s attempt not to reveal how strong he is he just subs in for the kids who used to receive a regular beating instead of fighting back

At one point he accidentally catches a punch on reflex (while tons of people are watching, mind you) and freaks out, blah blah blah, that fight ends up with his hand severely broken in multiple locations

BUT he doesn’t like going to the hospital/doctor’s/nurse’s because those are the people who ask a lot of questions about his scars and old injuries and such, so he just walks around for like four hours with a broken hand

(insert my Percy is ambidextrous head cannon here, which comes into play)

eventually his (kinda)friends make him go to the nurse and it’s just straight up not a good time for anyone. Paul has to pick him up. He has to go to the ER. This is when he really starts lying to his parents because he doesn’t want them to know about the fights

He’s kinda all over the place on who he’s talking to, which he feels guilty about, but he just doesn’t have the energy to talk to people who knew him before all this because it’s harder to fake being that happy again (even though he wasn’t that happy even then)

Which brings me to something a bit happier, every Friday he visits Camp Jupiter. No matter what. He started it about a month after the war, it keeps him connected with Hazel and Frank and some other people he was friendly with, but the new thing is Reyna

It takes a bit to get through all of the stuff between them, but they end up becoming really good friends, to the extent that she, Hazel, and Frank become the sole people that he confides in. (Reyna knows that they’re special, but the other two don’t)

There is definitely a big fight he has with Sally in his second semester, and he shows up at Reyna’s quarters, it’s 11 pm, she opens the door wordlessly and he spends the weekend at CJ.

Reyna’s also the person he talks to most about Gabe. He has a lot of built up stuff there and she works through some residual feelings towards her dad too.

He and Nico are in a lot of contact during this year, with varying degrees of tension. They start off really well, but as Percy falls further back it gets a really weird vibe because he still has a whole thing about protecting Nico. Basically Percy’s not good at being vulnerable right now. But they do get better and eventually develop a sibling like relationship.

Talking about sibling like relationships: Hazel! She’s amazing. Due to the Friday visits and her and Percy already being super close she starts calling him her brother really quickly and he picks up on it immediately. She’s probably the person he’s most honest too, and they spar a lot.

His and Annabeth’s relationship is kinda weird too. They both still really love each other, and they talk a lot, she starts working through some of her issues and he’s really good about being there and helping her, but he’s also really good at hiding his own problems around her. (This is a new development, she could read him until he went missing or Tartarus, I haven’t decided) 

He becomes really spotty at communication. Sometimes he won’t text back for a week, and he used to be really good at getting back to people. This is the only thing Annabeth has evidence of. The rest is just a feeling of off-ness so she can’t really see that something’s wrong with him.

Panic attacks and breakdowns become supper common for him. Usually at least one a day, but he’s good about hiding it. However his powers, tied to his emotions, start going haywire and that’s really difficult to hide, especially at school.

He has a really bad panic attack during chemistry one day and his friends find him in the bathroom and try to get the nurse and get him to go home. It wasn't very pretty. 

He looses so much sleep that it rivals Annabeth ‘I stay up ‘till 3 for fun’ Chase

Also becomes a low-key vigilante? Not really, but he does stop several robberies and muggings and its just the right number to look a little suspicious but also not. 

during this whole ordeal he’s spending a lot of time at the school’s pool. At first there isn’t much swimming because he’s still afraid of drowning/suffocation, but Reyna’s just like “Well if you became a better swimmer that wouldn’t be as big of a problem” and he rolls with it. 

Part of his whole healing thing is learning more about competitive swimming and talking with the swim coach. And of course he gets really good at it. Sometime during his second semester he does end up joining the team.

It’s past competition season but the coach thinks he needs it so he just,,, joins

He actually gets along with most of the team REALLY well, and around this time he works on strengthening his relationship with his (kinda)friends, not his actual friends.

Honestly I’ve been considering turning these into a fic, so maybe when I finish Peanut m&m’s there will be another multi chapter in my future.

[lovemesomesurveys]

do you sing in the shower? Yeah, I have a shower playlist on my Spotify I sing along to.

do you think money makes people happy? It certainly helps, sure, but you can still be unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s not everything.

what's your relationship status? Very much single.

what time is it? 3:29AM.

what emotion are you feeling right now? Tired and irritated.

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? Once.

coffee or tea? Coffee, of course. 

shower or bath? Shower.

what's your favorite pizza topping? Extra cheese and sauce, spinach, cilantro, green onion, garlic. 

what's something that makes you happy? Beach days.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have two brothers.

what's your favorite instrument? Piano.

what's your favorite food? Italian, Mexican, and American.

what is something you are always losing? My mind, probably. <<< That’s how I feel.

are you good at spelling? I think so.

what is one goal you have? Get my health stuff under control.

did you get a flu shot this year? No. I never have.

what's your favorite Disney movie? A few of my top favorites are Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Toy Story and A Goofy Movie.

are you bored? No.

what are you listening to? An ASMR video. what's your favorite foreign language? Spanish.

what do you do when you can't sleep? My nightly routine consisting of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR.

do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs.

do you have any piercings? Just my earlobes.

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes, spinach, green onions, broccoli. do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's the best concert you've ever been to? All of ‘em. Concerts are just a fun, cool experience.

what's your favorite season? Fall and winter.

do you still write letters? No.

what would make you really happy right now? If I was able to have beach vacay.

what's your favorite song? I have a lot.

are you good at giving advice? I wouldn’t recommend asking me for advice; I’m a mess.

what's your favorite hobby? Reading and doing surveys.

do you prefer to talk or text? Text over talking on the phone.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? My Adidas.

how often do you read? (as in books) I read a lot. I finish one and start another. There’s a few different series I’ve been into that’s been keeping me occupied.

do you have any pets? I have a doggo.

what's your favorite day of the week? I don’t have one.

are you in college? No, I’m done with school.

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? No.

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify.

do you like going to the beach? I love the beach.

did you make any new year's resolutions? No, I stopped doing that years ago.

how old are you? 31 years old.

do you know anyone who is blind? No.

who is someone you admire? My mom.

do you have a good singing voice? No, unfortunately. 

are your nails painted? Nope. It’s been a few years since I’ve painted them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m definitely an introvert. 

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I don’t know, yet.

do you ever write in a journal? This is my journal/diary.

if you could time travel when/where would you go? My childhood. what's your favorite animal? Doggos and giraffes.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? The sugary ones.

how was your day? It’s only 4 in the morning. 

do you ever listen to classical music? Not often or regularly, no.

what inspires you? I haven’t felt inspired in a very long time.

how many pillows do you sleep with? Finally had to pack away a lot of them cause they were just taking up too much space. I currently have 4 on my bed, but prior I had like 10. I only actually use 2.

how many hours of sleep do you need? I never have enough.

do you have big or small feet? Small.

what's the weather like where you are? Miserably hot.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? It’s pitch black out right now. 

does/did your high school have a school song? Yeah.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? I don’t have one. :/

are you excited for summer? Noooooo. D:

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? Hmm. I’d have to really think about that.

did you have to go to school today? No, I’m done with school.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything again, obviously. <<<

do you throw coins into fountains? Sometimes.

do you have a trampoline? No.

what's your favorite song lyric? I have many.

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn and mini KitKats. 

do you ever measure time in songs? When listening to music I sometimes do that. Like, when in the shower I measure how long to leave my shampoo in my hair that way.

do you know how to play chess? Nope.

what's your favorite game? (any type) Mario Bros, The Sims, various board games..

do you enjoy traveling? I don’t get the opportunity to do a lot of it, but yes.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? Yes.

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yeah.

how do you relieve stress? Cry.

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? 82F.

now look it up - how close were you? Ha, I guessed way too high it’s only 52. It’s been getting really warm in the mornings so I assumed it was already high.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digital.

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping the past few years even pre-COVID, but since COVID that’s all I’ve done until just recently as I’ve started to venture out to places like Target and Walmart. I haven’t gone to any clothing stores or any other store, yet, but I’m working towards it. Anyway, all that being said I do enjoy shopping online, but it’s nice to get out there and shop once in awhile. It’s definitely more comfortable and convenient for me right now, though.

do you enjoy coloring? I love my adult coloring books. <<<

do you like to dance? I don’t really dance.

have you ever owned a horse? No.

do you take selfies? Rarely. I did for the first time in a long time recently at my bro’s grad party.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but sometimes.

have you ever cried from listening to a song? Oh, definitely.

what's your favorite song from a movie? I have several favorites. 

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds.

who was your favorite music artist when you were 10? Britney Spears, N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, etc. <<<

when was the last time you had to go to the dentist? It’s been a few years.

can you speak Spanish? Very little.

what's the last thing you watched on youtube? I’m currently watching an ASMR video.

now what time is it? 6:09AM. I clearly took a break. Well, actually I feel asleep.

do you ever watch musicals? Yeah, some.

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeah.

do you ever get carsick? Yes.

what's your opinion on wolves? They’re gorgeous, but I wouldn’t want to be near one.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? I go for the sad.

do you like seafood? Nooo.

do you enjoy going to the zoo? I enjoy seeing zoo animals, but I hate that they’re in captivity like that. <<<

are there any celebrities from your hometown? Yes.

do you shower in the morning or at night? At night.

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<<

who is someone you're jealous of? No one.

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? IHOP, Denny’s, and this local place.

do you still have your christmas tree up? Ha, no. And I actually have the decorations in my room put away as well, which prior to this year I had up for two years. 

do you have a favorite type of bird? No.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? No.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis I don’t feel like checking.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? *shrug* I might.

how much money is in your wallet right now? Not sure, exactly.

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? No.

have you ever auditioned for anything? Nope.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? I have no idea.

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? No. 

when was the last time you rode a bus? Back when I was still in college, so 6 years ago.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? If no one was around, I’d pick it up and keep it. If it was in a wallet, I’d turn it in. <<< That’s what I would do.

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? No. 

are you an early bird or a night owl? Both, really. Here I am at 6:17AM basically up all night. I dozed off for a bit, but still.

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? Yes.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Not that I know of.

what was the most memorable rainbow you've ever seen? (if any) Uhh.

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? Just spotty preschool memories.

do you need to do laundry? No.

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? Ew, definitely not me.

do you have a favorite poem? No. I haven’t read a whole lot of poetry.

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? Uh, no. There’s absolutely nothing to do here. We’re not a vacation/touristy city.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? Ooh, probably Boxlunch.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? I’m not listening to a song at the moment.

what are you wearing right now? Leggings and a Mario Bros shirt.

any fun plans for the weekend? Nope.

[judestclare]

。· . ˙ ♪  ⌈ kristine froseth + cis female + she / her + solo g + clairo ⌋  have you heard ?  judith “jude” st. clare got signed by disclosure records two years ago ? they’re talented don’t get me wrong but i can’t believe it , they’re only twenty-two years old & some people go all their lives without making it , what makes them special ?  it’ll be interesting to see if the fame & success go to their head because i hear they can be quite careless , pliant & disloyal . but that could only be the rumours because i’ve also heard they’re gregarious , free-spirited & warm hearted . i guess only time will tell .  

     &.     hiii everyone !    i’m meredith, i’m nineteen, i use they/them and she/her pronouns. some more fun facts: i’m a libra, i’m from the est timezone, and really excited to be here !   under the cut you’ll find some #funfacts about the woman , the myth , the legend herself, jude st. clare !  

quick facts:

name: judith victoria st. clare

nicknames: jude — do not call her judith, she hates it

age: twenty-two

date of birth: january 20th, 1998

zodiac: aquarius sun, libra moon ( read here )

gender: cis female ( she/her )

sexuality: bisexual 

positive traits: open-minded, caring, fun-loving, free-spirited, warm-hearted, creative, adventurous, friendly, gentle, gregarious, bubbly

neutral traits: talkative, party animal, reticent, extroverted

negative traits: flighty, careless, disloyal, lazy, dishonest, flippant, easily manipulated/pliant, loud, facetious, unconfident, silly

tv tropes: plucky girl, hard-drinking party girl, the face, good bad girl

mbti: esfp, the campaigner ( curious, energetic, enthusiastic, good communicators, know how to relax, popular and friendly / overthinks things, too emotional, too independent, unfocused, little practical skills  ) 

background: 

jude was born and raised under the ever biblical name of judith in a tiny town in the midwestern united states to a religious family. growing up, her highest aspirations were winning a prize for best chocolate chip cookies at her church’s potluck. matching mary janes with her sisters and dresses with carefully picked cardigans took up the majority of her her wardrobe, and she could recite bible verses along with her times tables.

as teenage years hit, however, the spirit of rebellion was lit in jude. forcing friends and family to call her the much shorter, and in her opinion, much better jude. sneaking makeup in and herself out of picturesque suburban home, many nights were spent at house parties, doing beer pong inside, or smoking cigarettes or a joint outside. style never went full alternative — but baggy sweatshirts and ripped jeans replaced the uniform of sundresses.

two things that never suffered: her bubbly personality, and her affinity for bubblegum lipgloss. even as she tore away from weekly church attendance and skipped school more and more, jude still greeted all former churchgoers, classmates, and teachers in the grocery store with a beaming smile and a knack for remembering details — hi, ms. dawson. how’s little johnny? he’s two now, right? or i heard you were thinking about starting your own bait and tackle shop by the lake, mr. smith. i think you should do it. remember that bass you caught? you’re a natural! she had very little common sense, and didn’t do too well in school — but she always knew what to say and how to say it. she charming and friendly and fun to be around.

thus, jude’s rebellion was more so of the wannabe variety: in such a small town, everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew what she was doing. her parents mostly just waited for her to tire herself out — only it never happened. she dialed back on thick eyeliner, and still sometimes would show up to church on holidays to sing in the choir, but mostly, small town convention and religion were abandoned by the time she was in her mid-teens. 

eventually, she came out to her parents as bisexual, and it was a non-issue — despite religious background, her parents supported her 100%, no matter what clothes she wore, who she hung out with, or who she loved.

jude never graduated high school. by her sixteenth birthday, her attendance record was so spotty that they stopped calling home to let her parents know she hadn’t shown up to school that day — and a few weeks before she turned seventeen, after many screaming matches with her parents and sessions with the school counselor and principal, jude officially dropped out. 

she wasn’t going to sit around the house all day, however, instead driving her clunky car across town to the movie theatre every day, where she worked part time. she remained friends with all the people her age in town still, and made new ones at the theatre. however happy she was, jude was aimless. she knew she had to do something. finally, she turned a passion into a full time hobby, something she never thought would be lucrative. 

by seventeen, that knack for singing in the choir had been translated to covers posted with the gentle strumming of a guitar and manufactured beats. by nineteen, she was writing her own songs and gaining traction on youtube and soundcloud, and two weeks before her twentieth birthday, jude was signed to disclosure records and being flown to manchester. it was hard work, and it took years, but it still feels like a whirlwind to her — one moment she’s in her bedroom, playing bars in her local areas at open mic nights and upaid gigs, and the next she’s signed to the disclosure records. it’s a dream. 

tl;dr — jude is a flighty, fun high school dropout raised in small town middle america by a religious family. she grew into herself and was able to “rebel” despite her sheltered upbringing, and that unique sense of self + her musical talent got her a youtube following from the covers and songs she posted. that youtube following turned into a contract with disclosure two years ago, and she’s been in manchester ever since. 

career: 

a successful album and a successful tour behind her, the not-so-indie anymore lofi pop starlet is on the brink of even bigger fame, though she has a loyal following as she stands. she’s nowhere near super-fame — but she gets recognized in public, and that’s enough to give her the flutters in her stomach that she’s going to make it even bigger.

a regular social butterfly, jude regularly interacts with fans: instagram lives of acoustic covers from her apartment, constant posts to her stories. while her image isn’t exactly not genuine, it’s very curated: she’s careful what she reveals about herself, and the image she’s trying to maintain.

personality: 

image is not a thing, however, in jude’s personal life. still a party girl at heart, she’s down for anything once ... or twice ... or maybe a third time. she’ll say yes to almost anything, and a distinct — though never malicious — lack of loyalty keeps her unbound by romantic relationships or extremely close friendships. she’s friends with everyone, as she’ll tell you, and she has no problem at all with hookups, consistent or one night only.

in spite of this, she develops crushes at the drop of a hat, and will always be there to help someone else out ...  but don’t expect her to keep the same enemies, or to lose her forgiving heart.

jude isn’t dumb, and is pretty much a memorizing machine ( though not eidetic ), can be a little silly or ditzy, especially with sheltered upbringing and big heart. she’s not against being a shoulder to cry on, but when it comes to matters of her own heart, she’s as recticent as can be, never taking much seriously. as a mean youtube comment about her once said: that girl’s got about much depth as a kiddy pool. it wasn’t true, but it’s how she can come off.

drug tw / she drinks pretty consistently, and smokes weed even more so, though she’s not been known to deny any trying harder party drugs, however less consistent she is with it. she hasn’t a problem yet, but she doesn’t seem to be straying from the path that leads her there. if she ever encroaches in on one, jude wouldn’t be able to tell: she’s too busy having fun.

she’s a genuinely kind, caring person ... but jude is a little gullible, and trusts very easily. in spite of her affinity for friendship and relationship hopping, it’d be easy to convince her just about anything is true, or to do whatever bidding was necessary. say the right things at the right time, and jude will be wrapped around your finger. she doesn’t follow directions from authority terribly well, but friends ... that’s a different story.

above all : jude wants to be cool, fun, and liked. she’s a little desperate for attention and affection, and has inconsistent ideals about what’s good for her and the people around her. her self esteem is a lot lower than she makes it seem. 

wanted connections: 

party friends / drinking buddies: if anyone is as into getting drunk and dancing as she is, then call her up and get ready to go. she promises she can beat you in shots.

smoke buddies: a more chill version of the former, if anyone wants to sit around and have a songwriting session or just vibe.

friends: any kind of squad. she’s not the type to have besties, but if you consider her a friend, she’ll latch onto you whenever she gets the chance. 

hookups / fwbs: what it says on the tin, jude is down for anything and anyone (1/?)

crush: jude is very flighty and tends to have feelings come in like a hurricane, with the potential for them to leave just as quickly — this person would have jude wrapped around their finger.

unrequited: basically the opposite — someone likes jude, she’s a #dummy who doesn’t realize it and leads them on because she’s flirty with everyone and would probably also make out with anyone

enemies: jude doesn’t make many of these, but if someone is annoyed by her and lets her know it ... well, she’ll do everything in her power to make them even more annoyed. if you can’t make them like you, make them hate you even more.

tentative friend: on the opposite end of things, this person doesn’t vibe with jude but she’s half-oblivious to it, and is desperately trying to make them like her 

manipulator: jude LOVES attention, so if anyone needs any evil bidding or shit stirring done, just pay her some. she’d make an excellent lackey. 

anything else! seriously! just let me know what you want and we can brainstorm <3

[sapereaude-habemut]

When I was a junior in high school I started track, and I was GOOD at it. I had always had body image issues, despite always being relatively active and in pretty good shape, but this, along with my perfectionism where not only did I have to be better than everyone else, but also constantly one-up myself, exacerbated them.

I saw that the really fast males and females were all very, very slim. So I began working out twice a day in the off season, doing off season workouts when my coach had them, and when she didn’t, running and working out at home twice a day. During this season I trained harder than I ever thought I could.

I also began to change my eating. What started as a healthy low carb/high protein diet turned into something awful. By my senior year of high school, I ate the same thing everyday:

Breakfast: a cup of green tea, no sugar. One egg white with salt and pepper.

Lunch: a cut up cucumber and a cut up carrot, occasionally cut up bell peppers; half of a babybell cheese—my treat. And lots and lots of water throughout the day.

Before track/working out: half of a granola bar. Just enough to keep me from feeling like I would pass out.

Dinner: one piece of grilled chicken. Salad, no dressing.

I did phenomenally at track that year. But my body did start to suffer. I am 5’10. I weighed 199lbs. By my graduation senior year, I was back to wearing a size 2, sometimes a zero—needing to get extra long jeans because those were too short. My family has a larger frame, all the women on both my mother and father’s side have wide hips, and thick thighs. I never had a thigh gap in my life. I did then. I was scared to brush my hair because of how much would fall out each time. I was freezing cold all the time. I had stopped getting my period, and did not get it back until I was nearly done with my sophomore year of college, and to this day it is still irregular. My mother was worried, but she still would complain about her body, talk about her diet, not realizing how much it made the cycle in my head repeat. I insisted I didn’t need help. And she believed me. Or didn’t fight me on it. No one else said anything.

Once I got to college, between not doing track, having time to only exercise once per day, and discovering beer and partying, I very gradually got a little better.

I also was able to start counseling at my university—something which helped because I didn’t want to admit I needed help when I lived at home—I was, and still am, the “golden child”, the eldest of five, the over achiever, I helped raise my siblings, took care of my mother when she was struggling mentally, defended my siblings and mother from my father. I didn’t want to say I needed help. But I did. I knew not having my period was unhealthy, even dangerous. My body didn’t have a single curve on it, it looked like—aside from my height, and my jutting-our, sharp hip bones showing I was meant to have wide hips—that I hadn’t hit puberty at all. I knew it wasn’t natural that the only time I could eat “normally” was when I was drunk. That after eating a slice of pizza after a party, I’d eat nothing and workout extra the next day to “make up for it.” So I got help.

Between counseling and partying, being away from my toxic family, and making good friends, I gradually got better. My hair stopped falling out, my period came back—albeit spotty, irregular, very light—and I gained enough weight that I stopped looking ill.

But this isn’t about what saved me. I still struggle. I do not go a SINGLE DAY without hating my stomach, without fixating on the slight curve outwards, despite my being still slim. I don’t go a single day without feeling tremendous guilt everytime I eat. I’ve just learned how to combat, or counter that part of my mind. It’s like my mind split in two—the irrational, disordered voice, and the rational one that therapy and counseling helped me build. I am in “recovery” but I will ALWAYS be body dysmorphic, I will ALWAYS have an eating disorder. I will always think I look too fat, and never be happy with my appearance. But my counselor and therapists helped to teach me how to recognize that these feelings don’t correspond to reality, that this is not how I appear to the world, I was taught how to disrupt my thought patterns, how to not let the disordered thinking kill me.

I was not told that because I hated my stomach, because if I didn’t lose weight I would starve myself to death, that someone would write me a prescription for diet pills, or recommend me for liposuction. My disordered thinking wasn’t validated—even though it was very clear that when it went uncontrolled, I would starve myself to death in the process of hating the body I had, and I still would if something ever happened that made me spiral again.

It has been seven years since I started starving myself and every single day I still have to fight the part of me that literally basically obsessively, compulsively tells me I still should. Every day. But my disordered thinking wasn’t accommodated. I know it is irrational, no one coddled me. Not when I sobbed uncontrollably about how disgusting I was, crouched in the corner clutching my head because my size 2 jeans no longer we went up my thighs. Not when I nearly died trying to get rid of the body I hated.

So why, if I wasn’t offered liposuction and diet pills, if I have to live everyday teaching myself relentlessly not to give into these horrible thoughts, are you given horomones, get surgery, have the whole world accommodate your thinking that doesn’t correspond to reality? Don’t try to say that you’re a danger to yourself if you don’t change.

I was too. I nearly killed myself. I still am.

It doesn’t make sense.

[heymeowmao]

Heyy have you ever made a drama rec list? I noticed you share a lot of dramas, id love to hear about your faves and why :) hopefully with eng subs haha

Hello! I've never made a drama rec list before! :o I don’t know how good I will be at explaining why they’re my favorite ( .__.;; ), but I’ll try putting one together!! ♥♥ (Basically anything recent you’ve seen on the dash is bc I’m following cast of The Untamed around (for cdramas) XD and also going back to watch dramas I wanted to but never got around to (for kdramas))

I’ve only watched a few cdramas when I was little (My Fair Princess, mainly, but there were some others I can’t remember the names of), but as I grew older I fell into the jdramas (Gokusen & Trick --> basically Namaka Yukie) hole, and then into the world of kpop/kdramas. Every now and then I would bounce back in, like with Fahrenheit and the X-Family/K.O. Series but I always went back around to kdrama and kpop, bc I always thought that cdramas were SO LONG. :p AND THEN THE UNTAMED CAME ALONG. And then I realized actually how EASY it was to watch cdramas. Hop onto YT and you’re pretty much set. You don’t have to wait around for months for them to finish bc they upload so many episodes a week!!! (Except it kinda sucks if you’re waiting for subs, bc.. cdramas... don’t... often... get... subbed?? Are there too many? [Good thing I don’t really need them. (･θ･)]) Right now, I’m pretty new to the world of cdrama and only really follow The Untamed cast and some others (Zhang Mingen, Luo Zheng (my Idol Producer son)) around, so this is gonna be short. XD

Favorite C-DRAMAS:

You know what I love? I love magic and fantasy and pretties. :3

Three Lives, Three Worlds: [Eternal Love (Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms) | Eternal Love of Dream (The Pillow Book) | Love and Destiny]

Ok, this is three different dramas, but they’re set in the same universe (kina? L&D is a little weird.), so I can lump them together, right? XD Three Lives, Three Worlds will infuriate you, but in a good (?) way. By nature of the format of this series, you may find the set-up is the same each time (immortal falls in love-immortal descends to the human realm for mortal trials-immortal reascends, badass as all hell (not necessarily in that order)), but each story is still new and captivating and heartbreaking. There’s always going to be THAT ONE CHARACTER (`•̀益•́´) but if I don’t hate them, they didn’t do their job right, right? I liked Pillow Book the best, but maybe that’s because it’s the one I started with? Pretty sure all are available on yt, but the subs may be spotty. I think PB is the only one with complete subs (thanks, Tencent). Eternal Love (TMOPB) is on Netflix (at least on mine) and I think VIKI also has both Eternal Love (TMOPB) and Love and Destiny. 

The Love by Hypnotic

THIS!!! I found this drama really cute. It’s a mix of serious and moments of humor. The prince has some memory... problems (TRAUMA), and it just so happens he is in an arranged marriage to a princess, who can use hypnosis to help him regain his memories. They don’t exactly see eye-to-eye at first, but they never do, do they? (¬‿¬) [It’s on YT] Also!! The OST is good!

Other dramas I enjoyed:  [Ohh, hey, They’re all on yt. Fully subbed. Lemme know if you want links to a playlist or sth.] 

- Joy of Life - Guardian ("Imagine waiting 10,000 years, finally finding the person you loved again only to die and have to wait even more”) - History 3: Trapped (a cop and a gangster fall in love; taiwanese series)

FAVORITE KOREAN DRAMAS: (sh*t, there’s too many)

My Country: The New Age (this one I watched recently, so let’s put it here ;__;)

I’ll be honest. I was watching for Woo Dohwan.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But I really did enjoy this. These two idiots are each trying to make a better world for the other, but they sure have a strange way of showing they care (aka a sword to the gut).

School 2013

Lee Jongsuk. Kim Woobin. That’s it. Ok, ok. They aren’t the WHOLE focus of the show, there are other kids in the class who need help as well, but the bromance of this drama continues to haunt me to this day. There are the common themes you see in any school drama..(bullying, cheating, STRESS, inability to handle the stress (tw: suicidal intention)) those were some darker times, but in the end it’s all about friendship.

Hello Monster/I Remember You

Crime Show. Seo Inguk. Jang Nara. Lee Chunhee. Choi Wonyoung. Park Bogum. Do Kyungsoo. A criminal profiler and a detective build their relationship based on a series of mysterious serial-murders. But the culprit’s calling cards tell a story of something more...

Signal

Another crime show. But why do I enjoy torturing myself with the concept of time travel? The acting is sometime’s a bit over at the start, but the STORY! !!! I watched this drama three times. Mysterious radio transmissions between a cold-case profiler in 2015 and a detective in 1989 unravel the secrets behind a series of related murders.

Other dramas I enjoyed: 

- Legend of the Blue Sea (mermaid!!! ) - Guardian: The Great and Lonely God - Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo - Master’s Sun - Reply 1997 (slice of life; the only one I’ve watched. the only one where the /goat sound/ makes sense because THEY WERE BORN IN THE YEAR OF THE GOAT)

Ok. I’m gonna.. end it here. Enjoy! (〃´∀｀)

[iamartemisday]

90 and 32 for Loki and your choice?

Is there really a choice? lol

Pregnancy Fic + Unexpected Virgin

...hoo boy.

Okay, so Loki decides one day to go to Midgard. No real reason why. He’s just bored.

While there, he meets some mildly interesting people, including a young woman about to graduate college named Jane Foster. She’s just escaped an incredibly painful blind date and Loki further helps her avoid the hapless human by pretending to kiss her in an alleyway. Her hot breath on his face actually makes him think of kissing her for real, but that’s a ridiculous notion. What kind of prince would he be cavorting with mortals? 

Regardless, as they talk about life and Jane’s plans for grad school, he finds himself intrigued by her. She’s highly intelligent for her species and while her grip on the Bifrost could not be more basic, if anyone was going to figure it out, he’d say it was her. 

Over the next month or so, Loki starts visiting Midgard and Jane more and more. As far as she knows, he’s another student like her home for summer break. As they grow closer, Loki thinks more and more about what it would be like to kiss her. Finally, the day comes and by Odin, can she ever kiss. 

Of course, there’s no way something like this can last. Even putting aside Loki’s greater longevity, there are so many people out there he’s pissed off. If they know a vulnerable mortal woman has caught his eye, no way they won’t take advantage.

That’s how Jane ends up a hostage of one of Loki’s many enemies. He is able to save her and kill the perpetrator, but he realizes now that their relationship can only end in pain. He knows now just how deeply in love with her he’s fallen. He loves her so much that he can find it in himself to erase every trace of him from her memory. Everything from their first meeting to the day they first kissed. He gives her one more kiss before he leaves her, pouring all his love and magic into it. Along with a wish that one day, somehow, their paths would cross again.

And so, Loki leaves her. Jane wakes up the next morning in her apartment with no recollection of her harrowing adventure or the prince she once loved. It’s as if nothing ever happened. 

Except as the days go by, Jane starts to have some odd symptoms. She’s weirdly sick in the morning and feels faint during the day. She’s moodier than usual, only wants to eat food she hates and gets random headaches.

There is an obvious answer that is also completely impossible. Jane is not ashamed to admit she’s never had sex (like it even matters how long someone waits). In fact, she hasn’t dated since that one awful blind date a few months ago (every time she thinks about it she feels sad for no reason, and she still can’t figure out why). Days later, the symptoms persist. As a joke, she buys a home pregnancy test. Not like it’s going to mean anything.

The test comes back positive.

Jane buys three more. All positive.

She goes to the doctor, who confirms it. 

Pregnant. 

Now, this is a major problem because again, Jane has never had sex. She rarely drinks and hasn’t been to a bar recently. A few guys in her department like her, but there was no way they’d ever do something like that to her. Right? 

The time frame of conception is determined. Jane recalls a day during that time when she did go to the bar, and now that she thinks about it, her memory of that week is a bit spotty...

At that point, Jane, being the determined woman she is, decides she can’t worry about what might’ve happened right now. She needs to think about what is happening. The obvious answer is abortion. That or adoption. How can she, a grad student going into astrophysics of all things, take care of a child? It’s not that she doesn’t want kids, it’s the idea never even crossed her mind because she’s just that focused on her goal. 

Now, motherhood is an actual reality. It’s still early enough for her to make an appointment at the clinic. She’s online researching, still unsure if she’s actually going to call, when she feels something. At first, she thinks she’s imagining it. She feels her stomach and there it is again. The tiniest movement. Maybe not even a movement at all. Maybe just a heartbeat...

At that moment, something fundamental within Jane changes. She closes her current web search and opens a new one on pregnancy guides and nearby baby stores.

A few months later, Jane’s daughter is born. While it’s definitely a bit on the nose given the circumstances, Jane can’t resist writing Christina on the birth certificate. 

It’s not as hard as she thought it would be. Erik and her mother are both huge helps. They immediately fall in love with the baby and watch her while Jane is at school and studying. By the time she gets her degree, Christina is five and has spent the last few years providing constant encouragement for her mother. She walks at Jane’s side during her graduation. She gets a little stuffed bear with a cap and gown while Jane gets her doctorate. 

The next few years are a bit hectic. Jane tries to give Christina as much stability as possible. They live in one place for a few years while Jane teaches at the university and builds up goodwill with the staff in order to get the grant money she needs to fund her research. Her efforts finally pay off when Christina is about to turn nine. Jane sets up her lab in New Mexico and they move there for the summer. They might stay longer depending on what Jane finds, but she doesn’t tell Christina that just yet. She’s already complaining about how boring Puente Antiguo is.

To entertain herself, Christina reads and writes about all sorts of fun adventures she could be having. She’s never showed her mom this, or anyone for that matter, but she has a few strange little talents no one else seems to have. For example, she can sometimes move things around without touching them. One time, she swears she turned a mean kid’s hair blue when he was bullying her and her friends. Snakes seem to really like her. She can’t talk to them like Harry Potter, but they do follow her sometimes. There are tons of snakes in New Mexico, but she’s not too bothered by it. They all seem pretty nice.

Soon Darcy arrives and she more or less bonds with her new boss’s kid. When some guy in town starts hassling Darcy, Christina asks one of her snake friends to make him go away and the guy never comes back. Another guy makes fun of Jane on the street, calling her a crackpot. He rather suddenly trips over nothing and knocks a few of his teeth out. 

Jane does notice a lot of this stuff, but not once does she think to connect it to her innocent daughter. Meanwhile, Christina is well aware that she’s the one doing this. Somehow or other, she does have powers no one else has, and she’s starting to realize just how strong those powers might be.

It all comes to a head with the arrival of Thor. Jane went out with Darcy and Erik to watch for an incoming storm. Christina had to stay home, as this could be dangerous. So, of course, she snuck along in the back hidden under a blanket. She’s right there when Thor falls from the sky. Terrified that they’re all about to die, Christina unleashes a HUGE wave of magic. Big enough to disrupt the bifrost and send Thor flying into a nearby rock formation. He hits his head hard, and as he is now human. this is not an insignificant injury.

In fact, when they get to the hospital, the poor stranger has already slipped into a coma. Jane is left to comfort her hysterical daughter who won’t stop blaming herself for what happened, She finally admits the truth about her powers to Jane and demonstrates by summoning a pen from the nurse’s station. Jane is shocked and has no idea what to do. Christina interprets this as her mother being scared of her and runs away. Jane chases after her. By the time she turns the corner, Christina is gone. Jane searches the entire hospital, but her little girl is nowhere to be found.

Now comes Loki. He’s been pretty out of it ever since losing Jane. Though it’s been close to a decade on Earth, that barely feels like a week to him. Now Thor has been banished, he has some truly uncomfortable questions to ask Odin about his origins, and to top it all off, one of his old enemies has just randomly appeared with a little girl in tow.

(NOTE: I honestly have no idea who the enemy would be. If I actually wrote this I’d just figure it out later)

His enemy mocks him for growing soft and not protecting his progeny like he should have. Loki has no idea what the hell this guy is talking about until he gets a better look at the girl. Her midnight black hair, terrified blue eyes, that face just like a younger Jane.

Jane...

He hadn’t looked in on her since he left. He just couldn’t bring himself to. Now he wishes to all his ancestors that he had. The enemy issues a challenge, daring him to come and save his newfound daughter. He disappears with Christina, and try as he might, Loki can’t trace where they’ve gone. He has a few ideas, but he’s going to need some help.

And he’s going to need to correct some old mistakes as well.

At the hospital, the police have arrived and are searching for the missing girl. Jane curls up in the waiting room, thinking of everything that led them to this point. If only she hadn’t accepted the grant money. If only she’d gone somewhere else to search for bridges. If only she’d paid enough attention to her own fucking child to know that she was literally psychic. Or magic. Or something!

While she cries, a shadow appears over her. When Jane looks up, a tall man with dark hair and eyes like Christina is watching her.

It all comes flooding back.

She remembers Loki. She remembers their kiss, that monster thing that kidnapped her. Loki saved her, and then he told her they’d never see each other again. Then she woke up at home as if from a dream and it was like he never existed at all.

But he had. She knew now that she had, and she had a daughter to prove it.

Which still begs the question of how. She knows now that they definitely didn’t have sex. Loki’s theory is that his magic somehow infused with latent abilities within Jane herself (she might actually have a small percentage of Asgardian in her) and created a child born of them both. It’s a tenuous idea at best, but it’s all he has right now, and who even cares how Christina was conceived. Point is, she exists and she’s been kidnapped and Thor is in a freaking coma now and can’t help them. Time to gear up and save their kid!

Not going to go into too much detail here as I’ve already written way too much. Basically, Loki teaches Jane to harness the magic within. She already knows a few knife tricks from self-defense classes, so Loki gives her a new knife that never dulls and is virtually indestructible. When she’s ready, they strike out to find their daughter in the enemy’s secret hideout. At some point, Thor wakes up and rushes to help his brother. His willingness to go to a far off planet and fight to the death for a child he’s never met makes him worth of Mjolnir again at just the right time. Loki and Jane rescue their little girl, who instinctively knows her father the moment she sees him. The enemy is defeated and now they’re free to start over and live as the family they were always meant to be. 

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings: Ch. 1

Notes: Oh boy, this was a pain to write. Mainly because I would get to a point when writing where I was like “Oh, I can post this! This ends perfectly!” and then a minute later realized “wait no... I still have to finish getting from point A to B and B to C”. 

EDIT: This was apparently sitting in my Tumblr drafts for over a month and I forgot to post it, sorry! I also have decided I’m going to make this a more long-term project. This is why I have the update schedule for every one or two months, but there may be a longer delay in between.

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Ao3: Protect Them with Your Bloody Wings

Tumblr: Prologue, [Chapter 2]

Trigger Warnings: Panic attacks, blood, gunshot wound, poor first aid, self-deprecating thoughts/self-blame, anxious/intrusive thoughts, past character death (mention), brief/minor flashback, questioning reality

Beginning chapter notes:

Where do you go When you dream of a future That only you know?

What do you do When you watched them all die And have a chance to start anew?

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Chapter 1: Haunted by Ghosts From the Future

Jay took a moment to catch his breath, still not fully processing where he was. Just a moment ago he was lying on the concrete floor, surrounded by his own blood, bleeding out. Alex had been saying something, right? 

Wait, no, the door was shut behind him… was he saying something through the door? And The Operator… yeah, he had seen him in the corner. The static had become unbearable, and he had been waiting for the darkness to take away the pain. And now he was… wait a minute, where was he?

Jay slowly sat up to observe his surroundings, body stiff and aching. After a moment, his eyes widened in disbelief. This was his old room, wasn’t it? But-but that’s impossible! His apartment burned down years ago, along with everything in it. Somehow, everything was here, but none of it should be. 

He noticed he was lying on his bed, his covers damp with sweat, with his phone charging on a stand nearby. Maybe it was some kind of dream? No, he remembered the feelings he had felt very clear, and all the pain he had gone through, there’s no way it could’ve been a dream.

Or was it some form of purgatory? Maybe he really did die and this was just another one of the monster’s games. Was everything else just a dream?

No, he remembered everything that he could fairly clearly. He would’ve woken up from the pain if it was a dream.

But does he actually remember? How many times has he thought he remembered something but he really didn’t?

He was fine . He was alive, apparently in his apartment that somehow was burnt to the ground, and he could figure out where to go from here. It would be fine.  

Was everything he thought that happened, every single death and burst of pain, every overwhelming feeling of anger or fear, was none of it real? Or was he going to be stuck here, in some form of hell that monster created? Did everyone he thought he knew actually exist, or were they something his mind made up?

He remembered what happened. He remembered them. Every death he watched helplessly, every moment Tim had to pull him away from his computer to try finding out what ToTheArk was saying. He knew what happened to himself, even if his memory was a little spotty. But he remembered! Or are all his memories fake? 

He remembered the moments with Tim, Alex, and Jessica. Sure, he lost large portions of time, and his memory did seem to be tampered with more times than he could count, but he was fine. He remembered the pain of getting shot, that had to count for something, right?

What if he was bleeding out right now, alone with no one to be there with him? What if Tim was caught by that thing and was dying too? The shout of his name rang in his ears, the echo of a gun rang out. Static was filling his vision. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe. He was back there with the cold concrete and burning blood. That thing was in the corner, the nightmare he had dealt with the last couple years. The static was ringing, it hurt, it hurt, it-

Jay was jerked back into the present by a shrill beeping noise. It took him another minute of blinking dumbly around him to realize the room he was in was not at the abandoned school, and the reason he had woken up was that his alarm was going off. He must have hit snooze when he first woke up without realizing it. 

Reaching over to shut it off, a sharp pain ripped through his side causing him to gasp. After struggling to turn his alarm off, he turned his head to look down while also trying not to aggravate whatever was causing him pain. You deserve the pain, you deserve it to make up for what you put everyone else through . Jay grit his teeth as he pushed the rest of his thoughts from his mind, he had no time to focus on the past, he needed to find out what was hurting him.

Luckily, he didn’t have to turn his head too much to see what the problem was. Now that he was processing his surroundings more, his bed felt unusually damp. Sure, it could’ve been from his sweat, but… it was also really warm… and really dark. Wait, no, oh god. His bed wasn’t damp from sweat, it was being soaked in his blood.

All his previous doubts about if he was really dreaming or not were tossed out of the window. Oh god. That was blood  oozing onto his bed that was coming from him . A stream of curses left his mouth as he started to panic. ‘Is the gunshot wound still there?! Shit, do something!’ his mind screamed at him as he scrambled out of bed and into his bathroom. 

He ripped open the bathroom cabinets and threw some of his toiletries and medicine to the side in a desperate attempt to reach the gauze wrap faster. Pulling out all the rolls he had, along with the disinfectant, he stumbled over and sat on the edge of his bathtub. He set down his supplies in front of him and turned his attention back to the literal hole in his chest .

Gripping the tub with one hand and his shirt in another, Jay pried off his shirt to see the bullet wound. It was not pretty, to say the least, and just the overwhelming smell of blood made him nauseous. It was overwhelming, he could practically taste the metallic tang in his mouth. 

He grabbed one of the rolls of gauze and brought it up so it sat next to him. ‘Wait… I probably should wash the blood off first’ he paused, ‘Jeez, couldn’t have thought of that sooner?’ Carefully standing up, Jay went back over to his cabinets to try finding a towel to use.

After successfully grabbing one where the staining from the blood wouldn't be too obvious, he sat back down on the tub and turned the water on. Setting it slightly warmer than it probably should be, he carefully put the cloth under the water and started to work on getting rid of the blood farthest from where he was shot. 

His hands were shaking, probably from the adrenaline, making everything a little more difficult. Some of it had dried and was flaking off, while other sections were still wet. He started up at his chest, hoping that the blood wasn’t going to run down and stain his pants. 

It took less than a minute for the blood above to be wiped off, so he slowly started to wipe closer around the edges where the blood was pooling out from.

While he was able to clean up the areas above and to the sides of the hole, the blood running down his body was too much to be able to be stopped. Pressing the blood soaked towel against his wound with one hand, he used the other to start unrolling the gauze. 

He took a couple minutes to successfully maneuver his body so he was holding one end of the gauze in his mouth, the towel was still pressed against the bullet hole, and he was able to use his other hand to start wrapping the area where his wound was. Starting a couple inches above the wound, he started to wrap around his torso and work his way down.

It took a minute, but the farther along he got, the slower it seemed the blood was flowing. When he finally reached where the towel was, the blood had almost slowed to a stop. Jay winced as he slowly peeled the towel away from where it was sticking to his skin. 

After taking a moment to attempt and wipe up some of the drying blood lower on his stomach, he tossed the towel into the tub and continued to wrap his chest. Now with both hands free, he was able to work quicker and was able to finish wrapping his chest (and half of his stomach) in only a couple more minutes.

Once he got finished, he took both ends of the gauze into his hands and tied them together into a knot. He tested it a few times by tugging at the knot, trying to make sure it wouldn’t unwind randomly while he was moving. After he deemed it good enough, he reached behind him, grabbed the blood-soaked towel, walked over to his sink, and attempted to wash the blood off of his hands and towel.

Sadly, while his hands were fairly easy to clean, the towel was severely stained and he ended up just leaving it to soak in some water in the sink. Taking a moment to breathe and recollect himself, while desperately attempting to ignore the fact that he just wrapped up a bullet hole wound, and turned to face the current mess that was the bathroom. 

It… wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but it was still a mess. Bloody hand-prints and drops of blood littered the area he had been through. Luckily for him, the only bloody hand-prints were on the counter, cabinet, the ground, and the bathtub. The drops of blood, on the other hand, trailed all the way from his bed to the sink and tub, some puddles had formed and were larger than others in the areas he spent longer in… basically, the area around his bathtub was smeared with a lot of blood.

Wait, now that he was thinking about it, why was there so much blood? Surely he would’ve passed out, or at least felt some affect, from having lost this much blood. ‘No, wait, that can be addressed later. I need to clean all this up, and now . I haven’t been able to see the date yet, so I have no idea if someone is planning to come over today or not. I guess I’ll just, I don’t know, be rolling with the idea I might be back in time before the whole deal with Alex and Tim.’ Jay reached toward another towel and started on cleaning the bathroom. 

‘I need to figure out where I am, when I am, and how the hell I got here. Considering I don’t think I saw a camera in my room, it must be some time before I got really invested in the Marble Hornets channel. I could always check Twitter, but that might not give me any answers if I don’t even have an account set up yet. My phone, it should have the date, right?’ Jay’s thoughts paused for a moment as he turned back around and rinsed off the blood from the towel. 

After getting as much as he could out, all while avoiding the towel still soaking, he let his mind wander as he crouched down to start attempting to mop up the blood, ‘I can probably use that after I turn it on, but I probably shouldn’t let anyone else know what’s going on.’

This last thought caused Jay to huff out a short laugh, ‘Yeah, no, they’d probably think I’m crazy or something. Well, I mean, the bullet hole might be good evidence, but there’s nothing to prove I wasn’t the one who shot myself. Then again, who’s also to say I’m not going crazy…’ Jay frowned, ‘I know I needed help back then, hell, I tried to call Tim! I agreed that whatever was happening was going to get worse if I didn’t get help, that much was obvious. God, thinking back I probably shouldn’t have assumed he was going to be in his masked state. The knife and zip ties were a bad idea, he definitely proved that to me. Maybe… god, this is going to be hard.’

 ‘I’ll need to try getting an appointment with Tim’s doctor, maybe someone closer if I can find them, and I’ll need to try getting on the same medication soon. But, what if it was all just-! No, no, we are not going there. We have the bullet hole to prove it, even if no one believes us. We probably shouldn’t let anyone know that we have it though. Sure, knowing how we got it is important, but the bleeding was slowing down. There’s been no negative side effects yet, so until then no one has to know.’

After rinsing the towel again and getting back onto the floor, Jay froze. ‘Wait, when did I start going into a mindset of ‘we’? That… probably isn’t a good sign. Yeah, no, after this I’m calling Tim’s doctor immediately. If I end up somehow getting a state similar to him, and possibly whoever the hooded man is, that’ll make all of this a lot harder.’ Jay shook his head and focused on cleaning the floor as best he could.

It took another hour to get the rest of the bathroom looking decent again, as long as you ignored the one or two bloody hand-prints smeared on the wall. His back, legs, and knees hurt from how long he was cleaning, so he decided he’d just try tossing off his current clothes and collapsing onto his bed. Well, he was going to, until he walked back into his room and remembered his bed was also covered in blood. 

He groaned as he grabbed the bloodied sheets and comforter, and tossed them into a pile on the floor. Reaching over to his night stand, Jay grabbed his phone and did a quick search to figure out how he should try getting the blood out of the different fabrics. He ignored any notifications he had gotten and was refusing to look at anything else besides google for the time being.

Sadly, Google did not give a good response. Turns out, the best way to make sure the blood came out was to wash it as soon as possible in warm water with stain remover. Of course, this was easier said than done considering most people don’t wake up to a bed covered in blood because of a bullet wound. ‘Let’s just get this over with,’ Jay mentally groaned as he tried his best to follow the instructions Google gave.

Once everything had been tossed in the washer, accompanied by an unhealthy amount of soap and stain remover, Jay trudged back to his room, changed out of his blood-soaked clothes, and flopped face-down onto his mattress. Somehow, and he thanked whatever creature or being brought him back, the blood that covered his sheets and comforter didn’t get onto his mattress. 

It didn’t make sense, and defied all laws of logic and reason, but it was the silver lining of his current situation. Shutting his eyes, Jay quickly fell back asleep, still hoping that what was currently happening was a genuine second chance and not a dream .

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For the second time that morning, Jay woke up in a panic. Not because he was bleeding out into his bed anymore, but because he could feel something touching his back and legs. As he jolted up in his bed, he felt whatever was on his back fling out and shift his weight, causing him to tumble into the ground. “Shit!” Jay yelped, the bandages around his torso pressing into his wound and causing a spike of pain to shoot through him. He grunted as he twisted his body around to try seeing whatever was messing with him, and scrambled up off his floor.

Still panicking, but starting to calm down once he realized no one else was there, Jay quickly made his way into his living room. He couldn’t feel anything brushing his back or legs anymore, so he decided to come back to whatever that was later. Now that he was more aware of his surroundings, it was really starting to set in that he had somehow gone back and was in his old apartment, which shouldn’t be possible because it burned down almost four years ago. 

“Okay. Okay, this is fine. Let’s just try finding something with the date on it. Panic later, figure out what the hell is going on first,” Jay muttered to himself. A quick scan of the living room and kitchen showed that the only helpful thing he could see was the time on his microwave. Heading back towards his room to grab his phone, he unplugged it, grabbed some paper and a pencil, and made his way to sit on his couch.

As Jay sat down he laid out everything he had grabbed onto his coffee table. His couch was facing the TV, the coffee table stationed in between the two. He internally debated on turning on the news, but decided that it would probably make him panic more than he already was. He leaned forward and rested his arms against his legs while holding his phone in a death grip with both hands. 

Taking a few deep breaths, Jay turned his phone on and waited for the date to finally show up. It took a couple minutes to fully turn on, but when it did, he almost dropped it because of what it said.

Jay was frozen, dread spreading through his body like a visceral poison. His phone showed the date being March 28, 2006. That… was a lot farther back than what he anticipated. He could already feel his heart rate picking back up, his hands now shaking even more than before. ‘Deep breaths, come on. It’ll be okay,’ He attempted to convince himself, ‘You dealt with some kind of demon fucking up your life for the past couple years and made it out relatively okay. You’ll be fine.’ Jay sighed, he hadn’t even been here for an hour and he almost had a panic attack twice. Putting his phone back on the table, he reached for the pencil and paper he had laid out.

Scribbling out a quick “What the Fuck is Going On” at the top of his page, he started writing down a few bullet points of what he knew. If he did encounter The Operator, he would probably start to struggle with his memory again. Last time, though, he didn’t realize he had lost his memory until seeing it either on the tapes, or seeing the date on something. He needed to make sure he didn’t forget what happened or what his goal was, otherwise he would fail and the others would suffer because of his mistakes. 

That means notes of what happened and possibly where to go from here. “Okay, think. First and foremost, find out when and where we are. Well, already got that done. What next? Uh, Let’s see...” Jay continued to quietly mutter to himself, trying to fill the silence of the apartment. In the end, his list was pretty bare of facts and was more speculation and planning.

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What the Fuck is Going On?

At my old apartment, somehow not burned down and everything seems fine

Today is March 28th, 2006

Marble Hornets has not had it’s auditions yet or started production

Note: Auditions are in a couple days!! Figure everything out before then!!

No reference tapes or videos, YouTube channel is not up and the people who were helping won’t have any idea what is happening

Alex hasn’t been exposed to The Operator (?)

No one probably remembers me, so the only people who have previous relations to me are Alex and Seth

Does anyone else remember? Am I the only one?

I was shot and died (?) in the future, woke up back in time

Different timelines? Or the same timeline but reversed? Are there multiple timelines??

I have the bullet hole to prove I was shot and went through everything from the future, most likely everything really happened

Bullet hole still is bleeding, still hurts, hard to breathe

Doesn’t seem to make me dizzy with blood loss? But doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. Result of time travel?

Maybe some kind of fucked up ‘reminder’ to not repeat what I did, reason it is still there is unknown.

Is my body still the same as when I left or was it reverted back to how I was before everything? The bullet hole makes me think it’s the same and I feel pretty tired, but I don’t feel sick or have any bruises/marks left from the last couple days.

Aware of future events (to an extent), maybe help prevent others deaths

When dying, asked for a chance to help my friends and something answered, assuming this is the ‘chance’ or whatever it is.

Does this mean there are actually other spirits? Does this make The Operator a demon?

Most likely not purgatory or hell, can’t rule this out until talking with Alex and the others (if they are here)

Assuming this is real and the same timeline, the hooded man and ToTheArk’s channel most likely isn’t active yet, only saw them after I got involved

Note: When did they get active? What caused them to get involved? Find out possible motives and IDs

Look for a possible hoodie that looks like the one hooded man wore. Tim wore his jacket, hooded man may wear the same hood sometime before he got involved

Maybe someone involved with the film?

Don’t know who ToTheArk is, have no reference for them, and as other people pointed out the videos had different styles. Maybe they could help if I find them?

Are they a group? Who would be involved, if so? How did they get involved with the channel to begin with? They had an idea of what was going on, maybe someone also working on the film? But then, who could be part of it?

The Operator is most likely still around Tim

Get Pills? May help with symptoms like he said

Asking out right may not be a good idea, maybe go back to the doctor’s office and ask for his doctor? Find cover story, describe similar symptoms to Tim, hopefully get the right pills

Make sure to note if they seem to start to disappear, could be warning signs about the others stealing them, maybe hide them in areas others wouldn’t look for emergencies

Be wary of:

Cold spots

Distorted vision

Distorted camera screen

Static (seeing, hearing, in head, etc.)

Cough

Strange behavior (Alex and Brian)

Violent outbursts

Avoidance, excuses, not showing up when needed, etc.

Blacking out

Forgotten memory

Hallucinations (?)

Stolen/missing pills

May be able to see The Operator still because I was involved previously, be careful of being alone with Tim or Alex

Seemed to hang out in/near Rosswood park and the abandoned hospital, maybe go alone first to see if anything happens

Run if you see him or experience any of the above symptoms

Don’t bring anyone else with you, don’t drag them into this mess if possible

Any acts I make will change the future, and will soon be unpredictable

This is assuming that there are certain events not set in stone/always going to happen

Relations with others/involvement with others

Avoid Jessica, get in contact with Amy to make sure she is safe

Have Amy call or text if any strange behavior starts up, but she may not know. If Alex starts acting strange have her hide and not tell him where she is. She looked to be okay in the tapes, but went missing after me and Alex started working together. May have been caught by The Operator and died similar to Seth

Tim is already involved, but may be getting better still. Try to watch him, going to be involved no matter what

Seth may be able to be saved, had no previous contact with Sarah so she may have been attacked too

Make sure to get them as far away from this situation as possible, prevent as many one-on-one interactions with Tim/Alex, and try to keep them safe

Prevent Seth and Sarah from being involved as much as possible

Keep in contact with Brian no matter what. If he tries to distance himself or drops contact, most likely was attacked.

Maybe try finding him, visiting his house, etc. Don’t let him be alone if this happens, last time he was attacked. (It looked like he might’ve been attacked by The Operator at the hospital, but his house was clearly lived in. There was a struggle, blood in the sink, Alex most likely attacked him. Most likely didn’t die from the first attack/attempt at the hospital

Watch for strange behavior. Alex mentioned in one tape that we were filming at Brian’s house while he wasn’t there, and that he made some poor excuse. Possible sign of something happening, but I can’t remember when that was shot. It could be before or after the first attack

Don’t get anyone else involved. Don’t let them know what’s going on. If they pressure, don’t give in. If they get involved, they have a higher chance of being attacked or killed. Them not knowing would be the safest option

Stay in contact with everyone, don’t let anyone be unresponsive for more than a week or two. Extremely bad sign, especially if Alex starts acting strange.

DON’T DIE

If I die will I be sent back in time again? What caused that in the first place, why me of all people? What’s going on?

I was shot last time, and still have the bullet hole. Do death causes or injuries carry over? ████████████████

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Jay looked over his list once he finished, and when he got to the bottom he froze. No. No, that shouldn’t be there. Strings of incoherent words were filling the last few lines of the page. Writing that he knew that no one should see. Short phrases, notes, and accusations, nonsense like the videos from ToTheArk. He didn’t remember writing that. 

His mind quickly started to spiral into panic, his only thoughts were screaming at him to get rid of what was written. His paranoia and anxiety spiked, his thoughts continuing to race faster and faster. He couldn't let anyone see this. He needed to hide what he wrote. But how? 

There was too much to erase and the marks could still possibly be read but he had to get rid of it, hide it, don’t let them see. Bad, very bad, if someone finds this he couldn’t play it off; no, this was bad. Get rid of it, remove, erase, redact-

That’s it! Redact, just like how there were pages redacted on Tim’s medical files. ‘Why are you thinking of that now? It’s not the time! Erase it, erase it, redact-’ Jay stood up and practically sprinted into his room. He grabbed the first black sharpie he could find and hurried back into his living room. Within seconds, lines of black covered up the bottom of the page. 

Once everything at the bottom was marked out, he sat down and let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, hoping to get his heart rate back down to a normal level. Sadly, his poor heart couldn't catch a break. His heart felt like it stopped when he felt something large and weighted being pressed into his back.

And he knew it wasn’t the couch.

Jay jumped up right as the thing against his back pushed against the back of the couch. He quickly turned around to try seeing what he had laid against, but to his confusion there was nothing there. For a moment he was worried he imagined it, until he felt something move. 

Freezing, Jay turned his head to the side to try getting a look at what was on his back. When he did, he couldn’t tell if he regretted it or not.

‘Are those- are those bird wings?!’

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Ending chapter notes: 

Going to try updating every month or two!

Ideas for future stories/au ideas/headcannons - @marble-hornets-fic-prompts Updates, answering questions, etc. - @foxfire-and-midnight-wings

Also, I'm looking for one or two more beta readers. If you're interested let me know!

Hope you enjoyed!

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[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought