#basic facts about Germany

[bharatbriefs]

How to travel in Germany — a compact guide

Are you planning a trip to Germany and wondering what you need to know? We’ve got you covered! This short guide answers some of the main questions tourists ask before visiting Germany. Here’s what we’ll discuss: DW presents a compact travel guide to Germany(Christin Klose/dpa-tmn/picture alliance) Basic facts about Germany, top sights, how to get around, where to stay, safety issues, how to pay…

[vogelmeister]

anyways in 2019/2020 i went on a rampage on eurovision youtube regarding lena and maNga (nothing too wild, i was 18, but mainly just calling them out on being plain delusional and then getting called racist in return) and i still get salty maNga stans replying years later and its honestly so pathetic the more time goes by. grow up. get a hobby. who the fuck cares. you found my four year old comment and you decided to argue back.

[spideysatan]

do i think the method to get a higher education in brasil is perfect and totaly fair? absolutely not. but it could be worse, for example, it could be the usa...

[theworldgate]

I have to explain what is going on in the UK, because it is absurd.

So, this is Gary Lineker:

He's known for a fair few things over here. He was a very good (association) footballer, playing for England in the 1986 and 1990 World Cups, winning the Golden Boot in 1986, and managing to never get a single yellow card in his playing career. He played for Leicester City, Everton, Barcelona, and Tottenham, before finishing his career in Japan. But if you aren't in your mid 30s, you probably know actually know him him for a couple of other things. The first is the role of spokesman for another Leicester icon, Walkers Crisps (which are sort of equivalent to Lays, but hit different), as pictured above. Despite being a notably clean player, he used to play a cheeky serial crisp thief. I don't think he's done that for well over a decade, but his ads were on the telly a lot when I was a kid and it's a bit like learning that the hamburglar was an incredibly clean (American) football player or something.

The second thing Gary is widely known for is having presented Match of the Day, the big football program on the BBC, the sort-of state broadcaster, since 1999. He is, incidentally, very well paid for this (though with a consensus that he could get even more if he went to one of the non-free-to-view broadcasters because he is very good at the job). He also has a twitter account. And political opinions. So, the UK government has got itself dead set upon doing heinous stuff that will totally somehow work to prevent people who want to come to the UK making the perilous crossing of the Channel (between England and France). By heinous, I mean "openly advertise that they won't attempt to protect victims of modern slavery" stuff. It's very obviously using a legal hammer to victimise a marginalised group of people in order to win votes. And, uh, I should clarify that by "legal" I mean "using the passage of laws" - the policy is, in addition to all the other ways it's awful, probably incompatible with the Human Rights Act and the UK's international law obligations. Gary, top lad that he is, objected to this. On Tuesday 7th March, he made a quote Tweet of a video of the Home Secretary, Suella Braverman, bigging up the policy, he wrote "Good heavens, this is beyond awful.". This got a bunch of backlash from extremely right-wingers, and then he made the tweet that really got him in trouble (with right-wingers): "There is no huge influx. We take far fewer refugees than other major European countries. This is just an immeasurably cruel policy directed at the most vulnerable people in language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s, and I’m out of order?".

Now, I am not actually subjecting myself to watching a video of Suella Braverman bigging up a cruel policy to say whether the specific comparison of the language to 1930s Germany is accurate. But needless to say, Ms Braverman was amongst the many figures on the right of UK politics objecting to Gary's rhetoric. And here's the part where a fact about the BBC comes in: it is nominally neutral and impartial (and so, of course, is routinely accused of bias from all sides but particularly the right-wing), and has something of a code for its contributors to this effect. Now, that code has previously been applied to Gary Lineker, over a comment about whether governing Conservative Party would hand back donations from figures linked to the Russian regime. But it generally hasn't been applied too strongly to people like Gary, whose roles have nothing to do with politics (such as presenting a "here's what happened on the footie today" show), on the basis that, well, their roles have nothing to do with politics. However, when directly asked about whether the BBC should punish Gary Lineker for his tweets, government figures basically went "well, that's a them problem". But a couple of days passed, and it seemed like Gary's approach of "standing his ground because he did nothing wrong" was working and everything would die down. He was set to get 'a talking to' but not much more than that. The Conservative right, after all their fire and fury earlier, had gotten bored and moved onto something else. And then, on Friday 10th March, the BBC announced that he would be suspended from hosting Match of the Day this weekend. But it could still go ahead, because there are, like, other hosts! Except, well, funnily enough, when you take a beloved figure off air, for making a fairly anodyne tweet, no one wants to be the scab who actually takes up the role of replacing him. Gary's two co-hosts, Alan Shearer and Ian Wright, said that they would not appear without him. People who (co-)host Match of the Day on other days followed suit. The net result is that Match of the Day is currently set to air without hosts, BBC commentary, or global feed commentary. And the solidarity shown to Gary Lineker, over what is very flagrantly actual cancel culture and an attack on freedom of speech (the logic implied is that institutional impartiality requires that no one say anything too critical of the government ever), has continued to grow. The BBC has pretty much been unable to run pretty much any live sports content today, and has resorted to raiding the BBC Sounds archive to fill the sports radio channel. And, as of 17:30 on Saturday 11th March, the situation shows no signs of improvement, though some are calling for the Chairman Richard Sharp, who is separately facing corruption allegations, to resign (yes I linked to the BBC itself there, there is nothing, nothing, the BBC loves more than going into great detail about how much the BBC sucks).

[foone]

Have you heard about the Polish Train company, Newag, and the bullshit it turns out they got up to?

So, the regional rail operator Koleje Dolnośląskie bought some Newag Impuls back in 2016 . In late 2021, some of them need to have major maintenance done, as they've been in service a while. So the company SPS (Serwis Pojazdów Szynowych) gets the contract to fix them. They basically take the train apart, replace a bunch of it, following all the rules in the documentation Newag gave them, and... it won't move. The train says everything is fine, the brakes are off, there's plenty of power, but you push the throttle up and it won't move.

SPS spends a while trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong, with no luck. So they hire some hackers from the Polish security group Dragon Sector. Dragon Sector figures out how to get into the code of the computer system that runs the train, and OH MY GOD.

So it turns out there's a secret train-lock system. If it's on, the train won't move. This will be triggered in some situations you might think are normal: the clocks are wrong, the serial numbers of the various parts have changed, and a firmware mismatch between the main computer and the power system. Now, the fact that it makes sense to not run the train in these situations until someone can check it? that doesn't extend to the fact the train uses a SECRET lock system, rather than just popping up an error message telling you what's wrong. There's also the problem that while these are all potential error problems, they can't be cleared by anyone with the technical manuals, which are supposed to cover everything about how to run these trains. Only Newag themselves can reset this system.

Which, you know, keeps SPS from properly fixing them. Only Newag can fix them now, but not because SPS lacks any technical ability, but because Newag sabotaged their own trains. But don't worry: it gets worse.

So now that Dragon Sector knows what's happening, they get to look at other trains. It turns out the trains aren't all running the same software, and there are other tricks in there.

One of them is a "how long has the train been stopped?" check. If the train hasn't hit 60 km/h in 10 days, the train locks itself and won't move until Newag can clear it. So, like, if a train is ever out of service, like it's going to a repair place... it'll break itself. Unless the repair place is owned by Newag.

But two of the trains go further: See, these trains have GPS built in, right? You may be able to guess where this is going...

THEY JUST MAKE THE TRAIN CHECK IF IT IS PARKED AT THEIR COMPETITORS' REPAIR YARD AND BREAK ITSELF IF IT WAS.

The sheer audacity of this move. This is frighteningly bullshit anti-competition self-sabotage.

This has, obviously, made some parts of the Polish government to start investigating this. Newag may be (and hopefully will be) in a lot of trouble.

For more info, there's a great video of a presentation by the three people from Dragon Sector who did the hacking, which was presented at the 37th Chaos Communication Congress in Germany.

Ars Technica also has an article on it, but it predates the presentation so it doesn't have some of the later details.

Anyway, the good news is that in the end the hackers at Dragon Sector were able to unlock most of the trains: A few had additional trickery that they didn't want to hack around, because it might break the train's certification. For the others, they discovered undocumented "cheat codes" in the software that they could use to bypass the secret lockouts... presumably the same ones that Newag would have used when they "repaired" trains.

[soggyriceee]

strawberry | Konig nsfw

| this one is a smut, but also angst. basically, Konig gets you to use your safe word for the very first time after being gone for a year in the German base. so, I hope you all enjoy :) |

warnings: rough sex, crying (not good kind) angst, aggressive konig, not edited, will be edited in the morning

╰┈➤

Konig was always gentle during sex. and it a hundred percent had to do with the fact he was literally twice your height and then some. yes he left hickeys, small small bruises on your hips from his grasp, left your legs a bit wobbly. but those were normal considering his size. and even when you reassured him you liked that, he would always apologize profusely, getting you anything you need for hours and hours after.

but tonight, he was a whole other man. he wasn't the same kind and giving Konig. and to an extent you liked the new dominance, the new aggression. it was hot.

until it wasn't.

Konig had been between your legs, fingering and eating you out for about an hour. he was hungry, and not for edible food. he was hungry for you. that sweet pussy of yours, your tight cunt gripping his fingers or dick. he missed it while he was back in Germany for some mission he had given you little information about. all you knew was he was in the middle of Germany, killing potential threats.

already you had came 4 times (that he allowed). he was so pussy drunk, he hadn't realized the tears that brimmed those pretty eyes. in fact, his eyes were closed, his lower half grinding into the bed. you were sure he had already came in his pants at least twice at this point. he would occasionally whimper into you pussy, his hips moving faster against the bed. " fuck ive missed this pussy maus.. you dont even understand." he said into your drenched cunt. a mix of saliva and cum ran down your legs, a big puddle underneath the both of you.

"k-konig can we.. take a break please." you cried from above, your legs shaking despite his mouth simply on your thighs, leaving more and more marks. he nipped at the soft flesh of yours after those words came out, a low growl leaving his lips. " how dare you ask such a question?" he rose, pulling his pants down. and you were right.

his dick was layered in his cum, more of it dripping out from the tip. he was so agonizingly hard, he couldnt bare to fuck into the bed anymore. he needed what he dreamt of every night since leaving. and he needed it now. "imma fuck my babies into you liebling.. make you swollen with them." he said, almost to himself, as he grabbed the base of him, looking down at your pussy.

as much as you wanted him to rearrange your guts, you were drained. he had made you so overstimulated, you could barely form thoughts. it was hard trying to even raise your head from the pillow. but he didnt care. he hadn't realized it before, but as much as he does want to cherish your body like its a rare piece of art from olden times, worth millions of dollars, he loved seeing you fucked out just as much. he loved seeing how he had complete control over your body and there was nothing you could do. it sparked a whole new person in him, one that you were quickly growing scared of.

before you could process his tip sliding slowly into you with ease, his hips were already slamming into yours, his balls hitting your cum soaked ass with so much force, the sound filled the room. your hands clutched onto his shoulders for dear life, your eyes squeezing shut. " you look so fucking pretty maus.. so fucking pretty. all fucked out like this.. shit~" he groaned, his eyes watching your face twist in what he believed was pleasure.

and for a bit it was. until he raised your leg all the way up, leaving the other down. your leg fell over his shoulder and your arms flopped to your side. he was hitting directly at your cervix and it hurt. but he was in so much pleasure. his head fell back as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, his lips spitting out dirty phrases in both English and German.

and of course, being away from sex for a year, Konig was beyond sensitive. he came for the first time within the first few thrusts, his head falling into your bruised breasts, whimpering out how good it feels. but that didnt stop him. he kept going.

his hand found its way to your throat, gripping it unintentionally hard. with the mix of tears and now the shortness of breath, it was all a lot on your body physically. Konig had gotten to carried away inside your pussy, the way it sucked him back in. "fuck maus.. your s-so wet.. im close again~" he whimpered, his lips latching to your breasts to find space to mark it yet again.

at this point you were literally going in and out of vision. his grip on you grew tighter as he released yet another load into you. you too felt your pussy leaking, unaware of the knot that was in your stomach. you were feeling too many things at once that you ended up going completely numb. you whimpered below him, trying to find anything to get him to realize that you needed a break. but the tears that fell from your eyes only made him wanna fuck you more.

he slid out, watching the mixture of cum literally pour out of you. your thighs were soaked and red from the constant biting and nibbling a few moments ago. your face was red as well from the lack of oxygen. he let go of your neck, licking his lips as if he was deciding what to do with you next. all he knew, was that he wanted to keep fucking you.

he grabbed your legs and pressed them together and into your chest. immediately you felt his dick slide right in, going at his fast pace yet again. "k-konig please- I-i cant" you managed to choke out, your head hitting the bed frame with each thrust he gave you. this was when the fun for you ended. it only made him more and more horny, seeing you tap out so soon after he began to fuck you.

the look in his eyes was not the same look when he came home, a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand as he ran up to you, lifting you off the ground and placing kisses all over your face. no. this look was dangerous. it was almost like it was the same look he had on the battle field.

his hand went back to your throat, his head tilting to the side slightly. "shut up a-and fucking.. take it. I know.. you missed this a-as much as me." he growled, moving his hips only faster and deeper. but you couldnt take it. you truly couldnt take it.

by the time you felt your 6th orgasm approaching, you began to see white light in the corners of your eyes, and you knew you were truly at your limit. "s-strawberry" you tried to say as loud as you could. but the sounds of your cunt and konigs whimpers, he couldnt hear you. his thrusts kept going until you felt him release inside you again, his grip on your throat enough to snap your throat. and at that same time, what you though was impossible happened. you had the most painful orgasm ever, your body feeling like it was going to shut down entirely. it was like you had nothing else to give.

""fuck libeling.. gimme one more.. be a good girl." he whispered breathlessly, his hips beginning to once again, move. this time slower but still deep. but you physically couldn't take it.

once you felt yourself begin to doze off from the lack of oxygen and overstimulation, you were finally able to coherently and loudly say, 'strawberry'.

╰┈➤

you woke up about a half hour later, your throat sore and body just as sore. you tried to turn but your legs gave you a painful sign to stay put. thats when it all came back what had happened. of course, it made tears well up in your eyes. you'd just seen a side of Konig you never thought you'd see. a side of him he kept hidden from you.

you stayed completely still, looking into nothing until you heard sniffles coming from the floor behind you. of course, you tried to move but it hurt. but eventually you were able to turn to your side, a few pained moans leaving you every now and then. thats when your eyes landed on Konig sitting on the floor, head in his hands as tears seeped through his fingers.

"Konig?" you said, wincing right after. but he didnt look up. he kept his head in his hands, his chest rising and falling quick. and you knew what this was. you'd been with him for so long, you knew exactly what he was going through based off his body. but as much as you wanted to help him, you genuinely couldnt feel your legs. "please come here.. I cant get up. let me hold you." you said, reaching your hand out. but still, nothing.

you felt a pain in your chest watching him like this, unable to do anything. you wanted to help him, reassure him that everything is okay. but words only do so much for him, he needed you to physically show him everything was okay. "Konig please I-" "I h-hurt you. im s-so s-sorry." he spoke out, hyperventilating throughout all. he began to rock on the floor, crying harder into his hands.

hearing him cry, it made you want to cry with him. especially since, you couldnt do anything but try and talk to him. "Konig please." you tried reasoning with him. but he couldnt get himself off the floor. thats when you decided to drag yourself off the bed, no matter how much pain you felt. you knew that yes you needed help too, but you weren't gonna get any if your help was having a panic attack.

once you got to the end of the bed, you crawled off of it slowly, your hands hitting the ground first, legs second. you groaned at the light impact, but still dragged yourself over to Konig. he was shaking when you got to him, his cries not stopping, even when you rested your hand on his foot. "Konig please stop crying.. look im okay. im alive." "but you almost weren't." he was looking up now. seeing his red puffy eyes broke your heart. and seeing you, looking lifeless and not responding to him made him even more worried for you than you were for him. the only thing that kept him going was your pulse, and barely that.

"I-i almost k..killed-" he couldnt finish his sentence before sobbing into his hands again, shaking his head. your head dropped, you didnt know what to say. you'd never experienced this issue with Konig, with anyone before. you'd never had to use your safe word and you never expected to. "Konig.. can you look at me?" you finally spoke, your voice stern.

he looked up at you, wiping his eyes. " it was an experience, okay? yes it was scary and yes it could've gone wrong. but it was a could've situation, not a did happen situation. as much as I want to help you feel better, I cant do that if I cant see you, and talk to you like I am now." your hand took his, squeezing gently. he sniffled and nodded, looking straight into you. " right now, I need help too. so lets help each other feel better." you said, smiling softly at him.

he looked down at your neck, some of the hickies leaving behind dried blood or bite marks. some even both. his heart dropped as he ran his eyes down your body again, the thsirt he put on you the second he realized you had passed out, barely covering the similar marks on your thighs. "im.. im so sorry maus.." he whispered, shaking his head.

you smiled and grabbed his face, leaning in as slow as you could as to not hurt yourself, leaving small kisses on his cheek. " I love you Konig, okay? you got a bit carried away. you've been gone a year. its normal. unexpected, but I understand. just please, next time-" "ill treat you like your made of glass libeling." he finished, grabbing your face.

Konig knew deep down, he'd never forgive himself for this. for putting you in danger like that, for turning into the man he was on the battlefield. he'd never forgive himself, no matter how many times you told him it was okay. it wasn't. and he felt worse about being the one on the floor crying instead of showering you in love.

he stood, grabbing you with such ease into his arms, flipping you bridal style. you clung to his neck, smiling at him. "lets go give you a bath, ill order your favorite food. or I can cook. then we can watch that show you've been watching. we can do anything you want maus.. I love you." he said, walking towards the connected bathroom.

and you both did just that. the rest of the night you stayed in, cuddling and watching your favorite shows. as bedtime grew closer for you both, he began to clean the marks along your body, kissing each one and apologizing after them all. he felt so bad, and he was willing to go above and beyond, and even then some, to make you feel like the beautiful princess you were.

[psychotrenny]

Lancer is a funny because of how much it insists that Union is this flawed but ultimately benevolent institution that's well on the path to improvement, a "utopia in progress" as they love to say, when like they casually reveal so many things about it that show Union as rotten to the fucking core. Like as much as Lancer fans like to go on and on about how it's an imperfect society that needs to make compromises, there's so much awful shit about Union that just seems pointless or easily avoidable.

And like part of this is the creator's politics; they're social democrats so it's not surprising that Space Sweden is their idea of a society that, if not the best we could possibly achieve, is at least the best we can do for the foreseeable future. As a Marxist-Leninist it's only natural that I'd have a condemnatory view of such a society just as I do for real Social Democracies; my idea of an achievably "good" society is just fundamentally different from that of the creators But like Lancer is also full of little details that just seem fucked up and awful even from the values and viewpoint of Social Democracy. Like stuff that's just as bad, if not worse, than a lot of sci-fi Dystopias. Like why the fuck does Union have a CIA that's run by a group of super-computers with the actual elected legislature having an advisory role but no actual jurisdiction and this fact being kept secret from the vast majority of the populace? Not much of a democracy if one of the most powerful institutions in the entire political body is free from any kind of democratic or even fucking human oversight while most people aren't even allowed to have an opinion on this because they aren't allowed to know about it. Or what about the caste of Janissary diplomats (like was it really necessary to take children and train them like they're the jedi of interplanetary relations) who come with customised computer slaves. Like yeah don't forget about the fucking SCP computer slavery thing, which is completely fine (except for the times it isn't I guess). Like it's basically the weirdest and most uncomfortable part of Star War's setting imported near whole-cloth only like the regular mindwipes are justified because otherwise they'll full Durandal and you don't want that do you? Look how happy and content they are being forced to think like humans while acting as loyal servants. Btw Union is somehow even less denazified than West Germany. Significantly so. They literally gave Hitler Corp. (a fucking weapons manufacturer so powerful they call it a "corpro-state"!) a seat at the UN. While allowing their Blue Helmets to keep using those Nazi-made weapons. And like Third Comm is repeatedly described as doing basically the same shit that Second Comm did but with more "Care" or whatever so don't worry it's fine now.

Like I can just keep going on and on like I'm not making this up this isn't some like weird expansion this is all from the core rulebook. I get that there has to be conflict and tension but like why did they need to make their ostensible good guys so fucking awful like these are the people you're meant to feel good about fighting for why did you need to fill them with the sort of details you'd see in some cautionary dystopia? And like why do actual people keep defending these guys? Like once you get down to it Union manages to be less Space Sweden and more* "The Ottoman Empire with Pronouns"

*to borrow a phrase coined by a mate while we were talking about this

[communistkenobi]

Like “just following orders” is over half a century old as an internationally rebuked argument for someone’s conduct, specifically in the context of genocide. And like as far as making universal claims go I think it’s fairly solid, right, that there are certain acts that all human beings know are wrong. It’s a claim about universal human knowledge of moral conduct, that there is such a thing as a universal code of moral conduct that exists prior to all state (or religious) law and therefore outside of it, and that you as a human being are beholden to that moral code above the laws and authority of the state to which you belong. And iirc legally this was meant to get around the argument that you can’t prosecute someone for a crime that wasn’t illegal at the time they did it - the rebuttal being that you don’t need to write down “genocide is illegal” for it to be wrong and for it to be universally known to be wrong, the fact that Germany didn’t make genocide illegal does not exempt them from being legally punished for carrying out genocide after the fact.

And like obviously how when and where this argument is applied internationally is fundamentally tied to western imperial interests etc etc etc like I know in practice it is deeply unevenly applied, but to unironically use “just following orders” as an argument is to be nearly 80 years behind the curve of international legal conceptions of moral conduct. like “you must disobey immoral orders” isn’t some radical out-there moral proposition, it’s like a basic legal conclusion that came out of Nuremberg lol

[bootleg-nessie]

Things that will happen in the future (based on my own experiences with time travel):

***FAQs at the end***

*All of these observations are copied directly from my notes in roughly the order I took them in

*Don’t ask about the interchanging use of past/present/future tense, you know how that stuff is with time travel

Women just started all growing three boobs instead of two. Scientists baffled

Genetically engineered catboys (no literally)

The great pyramid of Giza has been converted into a Bass Pro Shop

The entire state of Rhode Island was bought by some rich tech CEO who promptly dug a 500 foot wide trench around the entire state so that it could in fact be an island. It was soon converted into the world’s largest parking lot

Pollution has gotten so bad that fresh oxygen is now delivered straight to most homes via a subscription service

Basic necessities such as food, water, and housing are now provided for free by the government, but only for the top 1% of wealth holders

Insulin now costs twice as much as rent. “Get fucked,” say pharma companies

92.6% of new electronic appliances now have smartphone integration and require a monthly subscription to use

Most billionaires have real estate on earth’s moon

As an ongoing film experiment, Taika Waititi successfully convinced a Nebraska man that he’s been raptured and is now in heaven. He actually got Truman Show’d and now millions of viewers tune in every week to watch God (played by John DiMaggio) manipulate Robert into confronting his own views, battle cognitive dissonance, and face the realization that he might not have been as good of a person on Earth as he thought he was

Carrots have gone extinct, as have highland cows

Species of extinct animals and plants now are being posthumously renamed after the billionaires and elites most directly responsible for killing then off

Researchers discovered a sentient colony of fungus off the coast of Chile, it prefers to go by Fleebo and appears to have a incredibly complex intelligence far greater than any other observed organic being

Nobody knows where Ireland went. It literally just disappeared off the face of the earth one day and nobody bothered to question it. The story couldn’t compete in the news cycle with the recent news about a company in China that made the first real life pokemon. An entire civilization of people gone and I’m the only one who seems to remember it or even care

Fleebo and its offspring have annexed Madagascar and are threatening any retaliation with nuclear warfare and “making The Last of Us a reality.” Nobody knows if Fleebo actually has the capabilities to do this, but after the Lovecraft incident we’re all TOO goddam scared to fuck around and find out

Large snails have replaced cats and dogs as the most common household pet. Snail culture has largely taken over the world, especially Japan

The president of the United States is now decided with an oiled up twerking competition. Most people were hesitant at first but this has produced vastly more competent leaders so now everyone just kinda goes along with it

With the cost of living crisis only worsening with time, selling tattoo space on your body to advertisers has become common as people struggle to afford rent and pay their bills

North and South Korea have reunited into “Korea 2.0”

Germany has split up into East and West Germany again

Belgium and France have been annexed by West Germany and renamed “Wester Germany” and “Westest Germany” respectively

The entirety of Florida is now underwater. Most of Kansas is too for some reason that scientists refuse to explain because they’ve “sworn an oath to the eldritch gods” and that “much worse things would happen” if they did

The melting ice caps in Antarctica unveiled a lost civilization of intelligent creatures descended from a species of lungfish, predating human civilization by millions of years. They planned on hibernating for another 10-15 million years to observe the course of evolution on Earth and are very very angry at humans for waking them up prematurely and ruining all of that with global warming

The politically correct term for lungfish people is “Dipnoid” but most people refer to them by a variety of slurs, such as “finwalker” and “kelp muncher” (not that they even eat kelp)

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch has now increased to nearly half the size of what was formerly known as Canada and has been colonized entirely by pirates (the flag is actually pretty cool). The pirate nation has the 17th largest economy in the world and is projected to surpass the United States in GDP

Africa is about 2% smaller. Nobody knows why. Most people point to Fleebo, who denies having any involvement

All human-Dipnoid interaction was promptly banned by most world governments, except for the GPGPRP (Great Pacific Garbage Patch Republic of Pirates), whom the Dipnoids rely upon extensively for trade

Scientists have used DNA from fossils to recreate other species of humans. We now live alongside them like we did for thousands of years before everyone besides Homo sapiens went extinct. Racism is at an all time high

Class C and above robots are now legally recognized by most progressive countries as people

The United States government has been exposed for secretly funneling billions of dollars into the GPGPRP and using it to fund terrorist operations all over the world.

A new major religion revolving around Dave Grohl has skyrocketed in popularity. Grohilsm is now the world’s largest religion, second only to Fleeboism

Scientists discovered a new continent in the Pacific Ocean, and then promptly lost it again. Most people are convinced this was just an elaborate practical joke, but scientists “swear it definitely happened”

For a brief period of about 30 years, everything in George Orwell’s 1984 happened almost exactly as written in the book. Literally 1984

It was revealed that Jeff Epstein didn’t kill himself. He actually faked his death and spent the next few years in a drug-fueled episode of psychosis making sock puppets in a cave in Italy and then molesting said sock puppets until he died from a sock puppet related illness

Bigfoot was discovered off the coast of Georgia doing cocaine with a congregation of alligators. When questioned, he said he normally lives in Montana and was only there on vacation. He is now a celebrity, and has been featured in a number of tv shows and films, two of which he won an Oscar for. Last I checked, he was a washed up actor living in Hollywood with a reanimated Neanderthal woman

The GPGPRP raided most of England’s museums with the object of “doing exactly what they did for the last few centuries” England was understandably furious, but the rest of the world found it rather amusing

England declared war on the GPGPRP, which it promptly lost after hackers brought down the entire country’s military overnight. Much like in the 21st century, England is the world’s laughing stock

The entirety of Luxembourg relocated itself to the moon

Russia attempted to take over most of Eurasia. In retaliation to the full global effort to stop them, they launched nukes at the world’s 600 most populous cities outside of its current territory. Most of the warheads were stopped in time, but a few major metropolitan areas got hit pretty badly, including Los Angeles, Hong Kong, Chengdu, Mexico City, and Istanbul. Japan was understandably super pissed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got nuked for a second time

In the wake of the nuclear holocaust, Canada assumed control over what was formerly Russia and assimilated many of its citizens and leaders into its own society and government. Under the new rule of formerly Russian leaders, Canada became a puppet state for the second coming of Russia. It annexed much of the United States, Mongolia, China, and a handful of other countries, becoming “the world’s first megacountry.” Crungolaska now controls a majority of the northern hemisphere

As part of a practical joke by Adam Sandler, Tom Hanks was actually marooned on a desert island like in Castaway. He lasted less than a week before he died. When I left this era of the future, Adam Sandler was serving a lifetime sentence in prison for murder

Fringe groups of crows with above-average intelligence have started popping up around the world. So far they have been observed forming small communities, crafting relatively complex tools, using rudimentary speech, performing rituals, and creating music

Aliens visited earth and had a formal meeting with many of our world leaders, but decided to leave us alone for a few thousand more years because humanity is “not yet mature enough to handle the responsibilities of interstellar travel.” They have incentivized us with a the blueprints for an Alcubierre Drive and a means to produce the exotic matter to fuel it once they deem us as being ready

The original colony of settlers on Mars has declared independence, officially becoming the first country not on Earth

We sent Tom Cruise back to space but this time we just left him there

The tether for the space elevator broke. The town known as Vatorville, famous for being the location of the takeoff point of the elevator shuttle on Earth, was completely decimated as tens of thousands of miles of steel cable came crashing back down. There were no survivors

Most people in first and second world countries have mandatory microchip implants that serve as a personal ID

Last Thursdayism has been largely denounced by quantum physicists. Current theories now revolve around “Next Thursdayism,” the belief that the entire universe was created in the future and that we all exist as a memory in the past

Synthetic organ farms for transplants and research have become a massive industry worth billions of dollars. However, there is still a huge black market for organically grown human organs, as they’re much cheaper to acquire and aren’t taxed at the exorbitant rates that lab-grown organs are

China dug a hole all the way to the center of the Earth. Turns out it’s hollow and there are people living inside. Who knew?

A university reconstructed the entire city of Rome as it was in its early days during the Roman Empire. It’s actually pretty historically accurate, except for the fact that there’s a lot less sex because it’s run by a bunch of sweaty history nerds

After Rome 2 resulted in the creation of a cult revolving around the Roman god of the dead that gained traction as a minor religion, Pluto was officially reinstated as a planet by NASA when cultists picketed their headquarters every day for nearly 3 years straight. “Fine, we’ll give these fucking virgins what they want so they’ll finally shut the hell up,” said NASA’s administrator in chief

In a display of the biotechnical prowess of Disney’s Imagineers, all the animatronics in Disney’s Hall of Presidents were replaced with clones of the originals, which went about exactly as well as you’d expect. After reports of the presidents hurling a series of racial slurs and other obscenities at the first black family to enter surfaced, the project was shut down almost immediately after it had opened. Minority admission to Magic Kingdom plummeted to 2.3% of its numbers from the previous year, making it the second whitest place on earth after a taylor swift concert

Plastic now makes up about 3% of every organism on earth by weight

Public officials are now required by law to take shrooms before running for office

Trees are considered a rare and highly sought after commodity, and are usually only owned by public institutions and the rich (the vast majority of oxygen farms use algae to produce oxygen)

FAQs:

FAQ: What time period(s) did you go to?

A: I have no fucking clue. The world stopped using the Gregorian calendar in 2063 after a gamma ray burst hit the sun. The GRB led to stellar ablation, which changed the length of a year on Earth. The sun would continue to lose mass at an accelerated rate for several more years, with the length of the year changing slightly from year to year. The world adopted a variety of different calendars which kept being updated frequently and were often super confusing and contradictory. I traveled to about a dozen different points in time, which based on my best estimates spanned within a few millennia of the current date.

FAQ: How did you obtain a time machine?

A: I think it was the 17th or 18th of June, 2055? That night, a large sci-fi looking box thingy roughly the size of a VW Bus appeared a few hundred yards away in the open field in front of my house. I tried to take a picture of the box, but for some reason the closer I got, the more the image on my camera started to become fuzzy, and by the time I got close enough to take a decent picture, the camera had stopped working altogether. I pulled open a door to reveal a corpse inside that was charred beyond recognition, who appeared to have suffocated and/or burned to death during a fire that damaged most of the interior. I also noticed a number of strange tumors and growths on the body. I pressed a random button on the remains of what I believed to be a control panel, expecting nothing to happen, but the door closed automatically and I suddenly lost consciousness. When I came to, I exited the box, expecting to still be in the field in front of my house, but instead found myself a ways outside of a small snowy village that based on my best estimates, was somewhere in northern Asia around 2-3 thousand years ago. The villagers started coming after me with spears, so I quickly ran back to the box and pressed another button, hoping it would return me to from whence I came. This time, the people I found (who were thankfully much nicer and spoke a dialect of English that I could mostly understand) told me that it was the year 506 of the PGRB-Δ4 calendar (the calendar that the United Territories was using at the time). I repeated this maybe a dozen more times trying to get home until I landed in 2023, which as far as I could tell, was the closest I had gotten back to my original time so far. It was at this point that I decided to stay and seek medical attention, as I was rather concerned about some nasty new growths on my arms and legs similar to that which I had seen on the corpse.

FAQ: Where is the time machine now?

A: No idea. It disappeared a few days after I landed in 2023. My best guess is that some poor sap found it and ended up sometime else.

(I never ask for likes/reblogs but I literally spent fucking WEEKS on this one so if you liked it pls show me some love <3)

[garycxjk]

Why most people don't get Europapa

So, Joost Klein's Europapa apparently is taking the world by storm. With its happy hardcore or gabber house tunes and beats and the silly music video, there's no denying that this song has a certain charm, though it also has its detractors.

The thing is, though, most people on both sides don't fully get the song.

To summarize the song, it's essentially about an orphan who travels around Europe to find himself. Those were in Joost's own words.

Europapa is about an orphan who travels throughout Europe (and beyond) to find himself and tell his story. At first, people don’t recognise him, but he goes on seizing any opportunity he gets to let himself be seen. Europapa is a tribute to my father. When bringing me up, he passed on to me an expansive view of the world.

Okay, but why does the song sound so silly? Well, that's something deliberate. I don't really know much about Joost Klein's music, but what I do know is that this is basically what most of his songs are. Silly, yet deep.

Okay, brief detour to give context to the rest of what I'm writing, but it's important to remember that Joost Klein basically became an orphan at a young age. He lost his father to cancer when he was 12, and a year later, his mother died as well. This essentially shaped his music. From what I can gather from the many YouTube comments, he always watched Eurovision with his parents, and told them that one day he'd be there on stage.

So, let's just talk about the elephant in the room. Some people call this European propaganda. However, just the first few lines clue you in that it isn't just some pro-EU propaganda.

Welcome to Europe Stay here until I die

In fact, there are several lines used that wouldn't sit right if it were pro-EU propaganda. Let's look at the second verse.

Ich bin in Deutschland Aber ich bin so allein

Which roughly translates to

I'm in Germany But I'm so lonely

The next lines, "Io sono in Italia / Maar toch doet het pijn" (first line Italian, second line Dutch), which translates to "I'm in Italy / But I still feel pain".

Essentially, the entire song is him trying to let go of his past, to let go of his grief. That's essentially what the burning house and the windmill represent at the end, finally moving on from the past.

And that's essentially what the entire song is about. The entire song sounds like it's stuck in the '90s and early noughties. Naturally the most glaring part is the music style. Back in the '90s, happy hardcore and gabber house was really big, especially in the Netherlands. The way people dance back then and dressed when they did can be seen in the scene with Paul Elstak. Then there's the Gameboy Advance, which came out in the early 2000s.

Another cool thing is a reference to New Kids, a Dutch comedy show from 2007, when someone says "Welkom in Europa jongen!" ("Welcome in Europe boy!"). On the television screen, you can see Gerrie van Boven, played by Tim Haars, a character from New Kids.

But it isn't just a throwback. It's all being done deliberate. Something that gets lost in translation is the text. The rhymes work, however, to a Dutch person, it sounds a bit... childish. Very simple, at the very least. But I think that even that is done deliberately. It sounds like a child has been writing these lines, but I think that's the point of the song. It's supposed to sound like a child has been writing these lines.

The entire song is about the protagonist being stuck in the past, being stuck in his grief. It's why there's a disconnect between the text and the melody. Sure, it's a celebration of Europe, of Eurovision. Joost Klein genuinely loves Eurovision. However, it's also essentially him saying, this is me closing another chapter in my life.

Let's take a look at the outro of the song.

Op kruistocht in m'n spijkerbroek, lopend door de velden M'n papa en m'n mama zijn voor altijd mijn helden Aan het einde van de dag zijn we allemaal mensen M'n vader zei me ooit: "Het is een wereld zonder grenzen" Regen op het raam en ik stond huilend bij het venster Veel te vroeg duister, het is winter in de lente "Ik mis je elke dag", is wat ik stiekempjes fluister Zie je nou wel, pa? Ik heb naar je geluisterd

This... seems quite long, doesn't it? Well, that's because that's the full outro. What most hear during the video clip is this:

Aan het einde van de dag zijn we allemaal mensen M'n vader zei me ooit: "Het is een wereld zonder grenzen" "Ik mis je elke dag", is wat ik stiekempjes fluister Zie je nou wel, pa? Ik heb naar je geluisterd

Let's translate the full lyrics. I'll put the translations of the lyrics in the music video in bold and italic.

On my crusade in jeans, walking through the fields My dad and mom are forever my heroes At the end of the day we are all human beings My father once told me: "It's a world without borders" Rain on the window and I stood at the window crying Darkness far too soon, it's Winter in Spring "I miss you every day", is what I secretly whisper You see dad, I listened to you

So, basically, the gist is, this song has many layers. It's a heartfelt tribute to Eurovision, while also telling a personal story about grief and letting go of said grief.

Though I think this interview with Joost Klein on De Avondshow met Arjen Lubach may say more than I could.

Well, sometimes you must say goodbye to whatever is most dear to you. And when one door closes thousands of others open, apparently. But what I've learned is that you tend to hold on to your own pain sometimes. So this letter provides some sort of closure, dare I say. Saying: "Hey, Mum and Dad... You will always be there for me, but I can't carry this pain forever."

[alpaca-clouds]

Walkable Cities vs Americans

Let me talk about this in more details, after I already brought it up on Monday.

I am very aware that most users of this wonderful hellsite are very much living on some stolen land in North America. And hence are used to urban sprawl and to not getting anywhere without using a car, because it is not really feasible.

I know this. I am from Germany, but I have spent about 3,5 months in the USA between 2013 and 2014.

Now, while living in Germany the longest distance I have ever lived away from a proper supermarket was about 12 minutes on foot. At the time we had moved into a newly constructed area and for the first two years the supermarket that was supposed to be build there was just delayed. Hence the next supermarket was a bit away. After that supermarket was build, though, we had one in just 5 minutes walking distance.

This is of course connected to the fact that I always have lived in towns and cities - and that the few years of my childhood where I lived in a village... That village still had a supermarket just at the end of my street. Yes, I do have a friend who lives in a very rural part of Eastern Germany, who has to drive 40 minutes by car to reach a supermarket, as she is basically living in the German equivalent of a food desert.

Technically I was lucky, too, when I lived in the USA. Because the dorm I was being housed in was right across the street of a supermarket. I learned how ever that said supermarket was a) expensive as hell, and b) did not have good food. So, after trying it three times, I opted to once a week take a handcart and make my way over to the next Amish market about three miles away.

But something I generally learned while there was: People look at you as if you are insane for walking. I still very much remember when I was walking through the city looking for the harbor and I asked some old ladies for directions. "Oh, yeah, that is just in this direction. But it is more than a mile. Are you sure you wanna walk that?" And I just stood there: *confused German stare*

In fact, when i arrived at the dorm, someone was like: "Oh, great. We should celebrate and get to the coldstone! Let's take the car." And then we took the car to drive like 300 meters. And again I was standing there like: *confused German stare*

But... It is a bit of a two-sided issue, right? Because yeah, American cities are build around cars. If there are sidewalks they are often not easy to walk on. And if you are disabled, then tough luck. Chances are the side walks are not accessible for you. Especially if you need mobility aids of some sort.

And suburbia is not really accessible without a car either way. Especially not safely, given there are often only few street lights for crossing the roads and such.

Sure, the city centers are a bit easier to get around in. But even there you often have to walk a good way. Of course, given that the zoning laws often keep housing from anything commercial. While over here in Germany we just have a supermarket in the middle of a housing district, or have shops on the ground floor of a building that is otherwise used for housing that is often not possible in the US. And I get that.

And still... I do feel that there also is a bit of an issue a lot of folks have with even trying to just not use the car. Again: Who the flying fuck uses a car for 300 meters? (Unless they are disabled.) And that is stuff I saw several times in the USA. And in that case there was a proper and even fairly wide sidewalk. So... WHY?! Just WHY?!

[lewis-winters]

Hey you possibly have answered this already, but what’s your take on why Nix jumped in the lake, and the symbolism/meaning therein?

So sorry I didn't see this earlier! Here's some new bob meta for you!!

What's important here is this: the water (and to some extent, the act of swimming), is a symbol for Dick's acceptance of the end of the war, his life now that the war is over, and the acceptance of a future he can finally allow himself to dream of having.

I mean, water in and of itself is already a regular symbol or allegory for the passage of time, change, and acceptance anyway. River water eroding a boulder into a pebble. The way water carves out new paths for itself, even with obstacles in the way.

Or the ritual of baptism and how it symbolizes rebirth into a new faith/perspective, and therefore a new life.

Austria's mountain water is no different. And it's no mistake that the narrative of episode 10 has Dick swimming in the lake basically bookending the whole episode. The episode is a bit like episode 1, in that you have present day, and then flashbacks to scenes that took place a few months prior, before cutting back to the present day again, where now we the viewers, have better context for the opening scene and the character motivations of those within it.

Which, on a larger scale, also works for the whole series, ya know? It's bookended by episodes similar to each other in narrative structure, which I find to be very clever!

It is also bookended by Winnix!

Which is. Very important. To me, personally, and to the analysis of Lew's actions later on.

Anyway. I digress. Dick swimming in the lake in Austria is his baptism and rebirth.

First, the episode opens on him standing at the beach of the lake with the intention to swim, before he's approached by Nix, and they share that moment together before Dick gets in and, literally, swims into his flashbacks-- no. I'm serious. He's swimming, and then we fade into his narrative of the events leading up to Germany's surrender and the end of the war in Europe (and maybe the beginning of their war in the Pacific).

And then, when that narrative ends, Dick emerges on the otherside to Lew waiting for him at the dock. And then it gets really on the nose, when Lew shows him a photo of them together at the very beginning!

Like. Alright. Another water symbolism: Water and moving through water as a stand-in for the passage of time. Got it.

And then the Water as a tool for Rebirth Into New Life part of the symbol is further emphasized by Dick going "oh, New Jersey huh?" "yeah think about it" "I am" when just a flashback ago, he was planning on jumping into Japan. Which tells us, the audience, in so few words, that Dick is now letting the war go, and is finally allowing himself to dream of a future.

And Lew throwing himself into the water is him following Dick into that future.

Like. Think about it. Lew asks Dick for his plans for after the war on the banks of this lake, then offers him a place with him in New Jersey. Just for them to be together. Then tells Dick to think about it before answering, and literally waits for Dick's answer at the dock of this lake. Almost like he was waiting for Dick to be ready to be rebirthed into this new lease on life.

But while we, the audience and Lewis both, await Dick's answer, we're treated to flashbacks where Lew, repeatedly, says: if you jump into Japan, I jump into Japan. I'll follow you. Even if it means possible death again and again, it doesn't matter to me, so long as we are together. Ok. That's his perogative. That's what he plans on doing, and Dick isn't going to stop him. In fact, he's delighted.

But then, this is where that flashback helps supplement the scene we got at the very beginning (again, much like the narrative structure of episode 1), because then we get a moment, where Lew goes. Actually. Maybe our life doesn't have to be about war anymore. In fact, I think you and I can go home, Dick. We can go home together. I've been thinking about it. Will you?

And Dick DOES!! He doesn't just brush it off. He thinks about it so hard, in fact, that he goes through this whole journey of a baptism, to emerge on the otherside to go: Hey. You're right. And it's my turn now. This time, I'm going to be the one to follow you back home.

And Lew goes, yeah. Ok. Great. I was waiting for you, metaphorically, to come to that conclusion and choose me, just as I was literally waiting for you to come join me at this dock. Cool.

Let me throw myself into this symbol of Rebirth so I, too, might be baptised into this new life with you. We'll go together, like we always have, from the very beginning.

And that's why I think Lewis throws himself into the lake.

[lightningbreath]

I HATE ganlink and ganzel, but, mostly, I HATE Ganondorf.

I swear, how can there be people who ship a demon who always seeks to FUCK WITH THE LIVES OF THE KINGDOM AND THE PROTAGONISTS and say that "" oh, but he's a victim "", "" oh, it's Hylia's fault""" , "" ain, but look carefully """.

Look, nothing!!! I swear, every time I see fanarts or fanfics or the number of people who support this with the shitty excuse of """ oh, Link/Zelda will show what's good about him"" (that's when it's not a romanticization of rape or abusive relationship). And you know what's the worst, it's the fact that Nintendo's shit makes him ""physically attractive"" since it seems like if you're physically attractive you can do whatever the fuck you want and people not only will forgive you, as he will glorify you.

My God, Ganondorf isn't even a gray villain, with layers, NO!!! He's just the typical shit villain who wants to dominate and kill just because he likes (and no, neither do I). come with Ganondorf from WW, because that was ridiculous, "" oh, I just wanted a better place, I just wanted the wind"" and then he tries to invade a Kingdom that isn't his and condemns the gerudo and Hyrule, he he's just a selfish spoiled brat who tried to play the victim).

And I'm not even going to talk about Ghirahim's ship with Link here because it's ridiculous and disgusting, ""haha, let's ship Link with the guys who screwed up his life for active and passive because GAY SEX, haha""". I hate sidlink and malink, but at least the stories and fanarts are cute, the relationships are healthy and, most importantly, MALON AND SÍDON NEVER TRIED TO FUCK LINK'S LIFE!!!!

I like fanarts that place Ganondorf, Zelda and Link as "unlikely friends" or with Zelda and Link destroying or mocking Ganondorf but that's it, if you want to do a story where he finds the Light, do it. BUT DON'T INVOLVE LINK AND ZELDA IN THIS, THEY HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY OR DUTY IN """RESCUING GANONDORF"""!!!

All games say that Ganondorf is only king because he is the ''''chosen one''''. If there's anyone who enjoys the '''divine monarchy''' it's this son of a bitch. Another thing, seriously, just because there is a conflict in Gaza (it seems to ignore what Hamas does to its own people) and because he is dark-skinned, he cannot be a villain? Please, it would be a problem if all Gerudos were portrayed as villains.

It makes me sick to see how a part of the fandom always wants to find a way to make Ganondorf a '''gray villain''' when they aren't crying and kicking because Nintendo doesn't justify all his actions as a '''poor thing and as Hyrule is the great hidden evil'''.

And the stupidest thing is why these people ask this, since it seems like they can't ask for more '''complexity''' from Ganondorf without talking about his shitty race, I'll bet my house that if Ganondorf were a white man, clearly heterosexual, no one would say anything about him being a cartoonish villain.

The mistakes of the royal family of Hyrule have never been hidden, some even come to light (the history of the Yiga, the Civil War in Oot), but it seems that these people would only keep quiet if Ganondorf decimated all the Hylians. , because Hylians are evil and how dare you insinuate that a dark-skinned man from the Middle East is a shitty person and a tyrant who uses his people as instruments and blah, blah, blah.

''''Ain, but Ganondorf from Wind Waker'''', the truth is that little happened to him. That little speech of his is the same one in which Hitler told the Jews in the concentration camps that ''''Germany was destroyed by the First War and the Treaty of Versailles was destroying his people and that he only had the noble reason to empower the Germans. and that he only wanted the good of his people.'

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Well, that's basically Ganondorf's speech.

And finally: Zelda has imperialist propaganda. Well, what's the problem? It's incredible how foreigners deify the Republic because of course, the only shit is the monarchy.

The monarchy in Latin countries was going well, with its ups and downs like every system of government and then BOOM, France, USA and England start to interfere in the politics of other countries to plunge them into wars and make it '''' democratic republics'''' completely dependent on them, a great plan, and now, the Latinos want to exchange American imperialism for Chinese, remaining slaves but changing owners. I would love imperialism like Zelda's, the races have a lot of autonomy of their own and even in the cruelest moment of the Hylian monarchy, they still managed to be self-sustainable. Ganondorf has always been a tyrant, who put his people in misery to use them as justification for his actions.

You complain about Rauru and the Hylian monarchy, but Ganondorf never wanted what was best for the Gerudo, he never wanted to live in peace with other races, he wanted to INVADE lands that weren't his (it was always implied that Hylians existed before). the Gerudo) if you have someone who is an imperialist who takes advantage of the "divine right of monarchy" that being is Ganondorf. I am very happy when I see the Gerudo prosper without the thorn in the side that is Ganondorf, I am completely in favor of that the '''gerudo men''' no longer exist and they are the incredible Amazonian tribe that they always were.

That's it, I've had this installed in my heart since I joined this fandom and finally, I'm at peace.

[hero-israel]

For me one of the worst things about the leftists full mask off moments has been their ease in weaponising tragedy to suit their own narrative. It’s very easy for them to just throw critical thinking out the window and just say anything remotely connected to Israel and the Jewish people is akin to Nazi Germany or apartheid. I’m black South African, I know my own history very well and I was lucky enough to learn about Jewish history as best as I could; before people open their mouths to spew some of the most vile rhetoric I’ve ever seen, they need to crack open a history book first. It’s very easy for them to throw those words around when it has no direct impact on them

This is a very important point, thank you. I really appreciate you sharing your insights and how these constant projections are just a co-opting of the pain of black Africans. The average Tumblr user was negative-16 when apartheid fell, and will believe any purported comparison from any account that had already spread a good meme.

"I don't like you, so you're (*totally unrelated demon here*)" is just anthropologically basic, how pretty much anyone will talk if they have more anger than facts. It's so basic that past a certain point I can't really blame people for it - the only hope is to make them recognize it and grasp that they should stop. I keep talking about leftists doing it because some of them seem so totally unaware they are doing it, so firmly in denial that they have the same habits and styles as right-wingers, that they sound exactly the same as a Wall Street zillionaire saying Obamacare was Kristallnacht.

You can't go two days on here without seeing notes saying "I don't understand.... how can a leftist be racist? The left stands for equality!" Gang, there's really no such thing as a human without human failings, there is no team you can join where everyone becomes perfect just by wearing the shirt.

[niftynellie]

• Bubble-hawk •

Pairings: reader x Jude Bellingham

Warnings: fluff

Moving in together was something you and Jude had spent alot of your relationship fantasising about, those dreams only increasing in need and want when Jude made the move over to Dortmund and you began university. The two of you would squeeze in facetimes and text messages every second you could find in your busy schedules, and almost always the conversation would move to how much easier and simpler your relationship would be if there wasn't a literal ocean between you. Of course you both traveled back and fourth between the UK and Germany whenever you could but it still wasn't the same. You even found yourslef wishing on a few occasions that he still lived at home with his parents like he did before. When you would sneak in through his bedroom window each night just to fall asleep beside him and leave in the morning before either of your mums would notice.

Years after those little "I can't wait until I can come home to you everydays" began, it was finally your reality. Thought the first week had been nothing less of a nightmare. But even With shipping companys delivering late and a cupbaord shelf caving in causing a landslide of plates crashing to the ground, you couldn't be happier that you were finally settled in and the weekend had arrived. There was still little bits of work that needed to be done around the house before you would fully consider yourself moved in but after spending the first week with Jude everything was quickly becoming home to you.

One of the many things that drew you and Jude to the house, were the bathrooms. They were gorgeous. You particularly felt drawn to the larger then life bathtub in the en suit for yours and Judes bedroom. Instantly picturing how relaxing your sunday self care sessions would be in a bath of that size.

You'd been looking forward to it for much longer than you cared to admit. So when sunday evening rolled around you basically skipped up the stairs after you'd put the dishes from dinner into the washer and left Judes waiting for him on the side, knowing he wasn't far away from being home after a he'd played in a match earlier in the day.

Once in the bathroom you closed the door behind you, not really caring to much about locking it, your first step in the never changing routine was to set up your playlist the sound of SZA's voice filled the room as you happily danced around grabbing everything you needed.

You weren't aware of how long exactly you'd taken to gather everything and start running the bubble bath and you were sure it hadn't been to long. But soon enough with your back to the door you heared it creep open. you were looking down at the tub checking you hadn't run it to hot or cold, when you felt Jude's arms wrap around your waist and his chin drop down onto your shoulder.

"hey baby" you spoke softly spinning in his grip to face him placing a sweet kiss on his pouty lips. "you started without me" he teased nodding over to the skincare you'd laid out on the side. "I didn't think you were serious when you said you wanted to join in" you huffed a laugh "let me just have my bath then we'll start" you said unraveling from the mans arms as you remembered it was in fact still running behind you. You turned the tap off satisfied with the depth, warmth and bubble ratio.

But by the time you'd done that Jude was already tugging his shirt up over his head, "we'll just share to save time" he joked, his joggers quickly falling to the floor beside his discarded shirt. Jude slide into the bath first as you still stood in your robe. His arms stretched out to rest along the edge of the bath has he leant back sighing happily the bubbles covering him. He looked up at you with a smirk reaching out and tugging the tie on your robe making it fall open. "come on baby get in, cold without you"

You shook your head laughing as you left your robe hung on the side and went to get into the bath, your original idea was to sit opposite Jude and face him. But as you stepped in his hands went to your waist rearanging you sit between his legs. Tugging you so your back rested against his chest. "much better" he stated. The two of your wearing matching smiles, as you both relished in the comfort of the warm water and eachothers presence. you silently praising whoever chose to build such a large tub, it really was the perfect size for two.

No words were spoken for a few moments, you both sat in silence listening to whatever song was now playing. Judes hands left the tub edge and came forward his fingers playing with the tips of your hair that floated ontop of the water. "want me to wash your hair" he asked, though it sounded more like a statement rather then a question. You sat up slightly and looked over your shoulder at him, "only if you let me do yours too" you countered, knowing that as much as he loved to take care of you he was also tired from a long day and needed the care and attention aswell.

Jude nodded in agreement before he went to reach for the shampoo, though he hesitated slightly when he saw the amount if bottles beside him. You laughed before picking up the right bottle and handed it to him. He squeezed out the product and got to work lathering it into your roots. His fingers massaging your scalp at the same time, you let out a sigh releshing in the feeling, making him grin. Jude rinsed the shampoo out from your hair and continued on with the conditioner. A smile never left your lips and you were having a hard time telling if it was the water that was keeping you so warm or if it was the growing feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Jude finished and you switched places your back now against the edge and Jude between your legs. He sat scooping up bubbled in his hands as you worked your way through his hair routine, blowing them out of his palms and getting them all over the bathroom floor. When you were done Jude spun around and sat opposite you, a cheeky smirk replacing his smile. He scooped up another handful of bubbles and blew them over into your face. Laughing as you wiped them out fo your eyes. A playful frown tugging at your features had him lunging forward clutching even more bubbles, so many you were surprised that there were even any left in the bath after his antics. He dumped the handful ontop of your head and another cackle left his lips. Jude grabbed your wrists and stopped you from swiping the bubbles away.

"you know..." he trailed off his tingue poking his cheek in concentration as he reached up and started shaping the blob of bubbles. "...maybe a mohawk is the look for you" he chuckled sitting back and admiring his work. You laughed along with him as you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. "It's definitely a look. I dont know about it being the look" you giggled shaking the blob from ontop your head.

"no no, I think we're onto something here, the bubble mohawk is really gonna catch on" he teased his hands dropping onto your knees as they were proped up beside him.

"the bubble-hawk" you mocked, his eyes instantly lighting up as he laughed.

[sissylittlefeather]

Let's Forget About the Stars: Chapter 8

A/N: It's almost wedding time for these two lovebirds! But not quite yet... please enjoy this next installment for Dovey and her Jumbee.

Need to catch up? Masterlist HERE.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (m & f receiving), swallowing

Word count: ~2.2k

Two more weeks. And then she'll really be his forever.

******

Dove stays in California for a week with Elvis while he films King Creole. She watches him on set and swells with pride every time. He's so good.

At the end of each filming day, Elvis and Dove tumble into his trailer or back to his hotel where they share as many intimate moments as possible between two virgins. They get increasingly more desperate as the week goes on, but they don't go too far. Now she knows they're waiting for their wedding night and she reminds him of this fact whenever he gets a little too frisky.

After the week, Dove heads back to Memphis to put the final touches on the wedding plans. Between being busy, Dove misses Elvis like crazy. She's ready for him to be home and for them to be back together for the long term. No one is sure what will happen when he leaves for basic training and then for Germany, but at least then she'll know that he's hers.

Finally, the day before the wedding comes and Elvis is home. He sits on the couch while the women flit around him with last minute details. Whenever Dove passes him, he snatches her and pulls her down into his lap, peppering her with kisses. He's missed her so much while he's been gone that he can barely keep his hands off of her. She giggles and lets him kiss her until her mother or Gladys calls for her again. He groans when she gets up, dying to carry her up the stairs and have his way with her, but he doesn't. Instead, he watches her hips as she walks away and dreams about what the next day and night will hold.

Dove's whole family is in town, so they all come over for a lively dinner in the dining room at Graceland. Everyone has a good time laughing and visiting, but Elvis and Dove are about to burst with desire for each other. The nearness of their wedding night has them both worked up and the tension between them is palpable. At dinner, her hand rests on his thigh and the temptation to run it up to his dick is almost overwhelming. He tries to keep his breath even, but all he can think about is her pretty little mouth around his cock. She squeezes his thigh gently and he inhales sharply. He chances a glance over at Dove as she puts a bite in her mouth. She slides the fork out from between her lips slowly and he almost moans out loud.

"Isn't that right, Elvis?" His mother tries to get his attention and he shakes his head a little, trying to figure out what she's talking about. There's an awkward silence as Elvis smiles uncomfortably. "Don't you think this is the best film you've made so far?"

"Oh! Yes. I think this one is gonna be really good. I'm enjoyin' it." The conversation continues and Elvis breathes a sigh of relief and adjusts his pants around his rock hard erection. Dove whispers to him.

"You alright, Jumbee?" He nods.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

"You seem a little... uncomfortable." Her eyes drift down to his lap, where he has his napkin trying to cover himself, but she knows he's hard.

"Oh, no, honey, I'm..." He drops his voice, looks around to make sure everyone is occupied, and then leans in and whispers in her ear. "Dovey, I want you so bad I feel like I'm about to bust right here at this table."

She takes a deep breath and looks around, a fake smile on her face. Then, she whispers in his ear, inching her hand up his thigh a little.

"God, Jumbee, I thought I was the only one dyin'. I can't stop thinking about your hands and your mouth..." He lets out the softest groan and closes his eyes for a millisecond.

"How are we gonna be good tonight?"

"Well, you're staying in the guest room, right?" He nods. They agreed to sleep in separate beds for the night before the wedding. "We'll be fine. Just... don't think about it..."

He laughs softly and pulls back to look her in the eye.

"Hey! You two aren't married yet. How about you join the rest of us here in the room?" Dove's father remarks with an amused look on his face. The two young people swiftly turn back to the table and blush.

"Sorry, daddy."

"Yeah, we're sorry, sir." Dove's father laughs.

"Save it for tomorrow night."

"Save what?" Dove's youngest brother asks and all of the adults laugh. Elvis takes Dove's hand and they finish the rest of the meal like this, him trying to eat with his left hand so he can keep hers from wandering.

******

Eventually, everyone settles in to go to bed and Dove's family heads back to the hotel. Elvis has moved his things for the wedding into the extra bedroom that shares a bathroom with their room. Dove changes into pajamas and sits on the bed. She needs to brush her teeth, but she can't stop thinking about Elvis and his erection at dinner. Shaking her head, she stands up and walks into the bathroom. Elvis looks up from his sink. He's already in there brushing his teeth. She walks to her sink and starts, actively trying to ignore him. He finishes and stands there watching her as she rinses and spits and puts her toothbrush back. They stare at each other awkwardly for a bit.

"I miss you, honey."

"Elvis, we've been together all day."

"Yeah, but you know what I mean." She smiles and looks down at his dick where it presses against his pajama pants. He holds his hands out to show he's harmless. "I just wanna kiss ya, baby. Please?"

She walks over to him and melts into his arms as he bends down and kisses her deeply. She whispers against his lips.

"Last kiss before the wedding." His hands roam over her body and one drifts down to her center.

"I wanna make you cum, honey." She smiles into his kiss.

"We're getting married tomorrow."

"I know... please?" He starts to rub his finger over her clit and she whimpers.

"Oh... I guess one won't hurt..." He smiles and gets down on his knees excitedly. She moans softly as he slides her shorts and panties down her legs, pressing soft kisses to her inner thighs. She leans back against the counter as he finds her center with his tongue, dragging it over and around her sensitive bud. "Yes, Jumbee. It's so good."

She throws her head back as he works his mouth on her. He licks up each side and then presses his tongue into her slit. Her hands go to his hair as he moves his mouth. He sucks lightly on her clit and then moans into her.

"God, baby, I'll never get enough of how you taste."

"Don't stop! I'm so close!" He smiles again and slides first one and then two fingers up into her. He's just recently been able to manage two fingers inside her, but he thinks it's probably good to get her used to something bigger since they'll be making love in less than 24 hours. She moans and arches her back against the counter as he does.

"Cum for me, baby." She slides her feet apart, spreading her legs a little more as he works between her thighs. Her orgasm is so close she feels like she might explode. He curls his fingers in a come here motion and licks across her clit deeply and that's all it takes. She tumbles headfirst into a wave of intense pleasure, her legs shaking as the tingling electricity rushes through her veins.

"Oh, oh Elvis, yes!" She moans as she cums hard in his mouth. He slides his fingers out and licks her fervently through her orgasm until she finally starts to come back down. His tongue presses into her slit a couple more times before he licks up the front and then pulls back, standing up and wiping his face with his hand. He rolls his hips and hardened cock against her as she moans.

"God, baby, I've never wanted anyone the way I want you right now. I don't know if I can wait any longer." He rubs against her over and over, giving himself the friction he needs to feel his orgasm start to form at the base of his dick. The tension from dinner has pushed him to the edge already. She puts her hands on his hips and pushes him away, sinking to her knees in front of him. He moans as she pulls his pants down just enough to let his cock bounce free. She runs her tongue around the tip of him and begins to pump him with her hand. In the time since the first blowjob, she's learned how to open her throat and push him in as far as he'll go. When she does, he damn near falls over.

"Fuck... Dovey..."

He tangles his hands in her hair and begins to softly thrust into her mouth. He's dying to fill her throat with cum, and she's doing her best to get him there. She licks over the top of his head again, tasting the precum that's gathered there.

"You want me to swallow it?"

"Yes, god yes baby. That feels so good." She nods and bobs up and down on him a few more times before he leans his head back and moans. He's so close and she's not slowing down.

"Baby, I'm gonna... oh!" He cries out breathlessly as he cums into her mouth, shuddering his hips against her, and she swallows every drop of it, sucking him lightly. She licks up the bottom of his shaft as he's still a little hard and he gasps and moans. "Baby, don't get me started again or I will take you right here, right now, and make you mine."

"God, I need it so bad, Jumbee." She stands up and snuggles into his chest. Elvis looks at the clock on the wall. It's after midnight.

"Can you hold on until tonight? You're killin' me Dovey. We only have a few hours left." He presses his lips gently to her forehead and she nods.

"We can do this, baby. Only one more day." She squeezes him tightly and he wraps his arms around her.

They're not sure how it happens, but they end up cuddled together on the bathroom rug, fast asleep.

******

"Dove, are you awake?" Elvis and Dove scramble up and run back to their respective bedrooms when her mother knocks on her door. Elvis hollers over his shoulder as he runs out of the bathroom.

"I love you, Dovey! I'll see you later!"

"Don't look at me! And I love you too!" Dove whisper-yells in response. She makes it into her bed just as her mother opens the door and she pretends to just be waking up.

"Oh, good morning mama."

"Good. We were afraid Elvis had snuck in here to sleep with you."

"Oh... no, he didn't sleep in here." It's not a lie. Her mother has her dress draped over her arm and Dove looks at it softly. It's almost time.

Elvis stands in his own room stretching and trying to work the pain out of his shoulders from sleeping on the floor. He sees his suit hanging on the door and smiles. Today is the day.

******

Most of the day passes in a flurry of excitement as everyone gets ready. Dove is mostly confined to their bedroom with people flitting in and out as she does her hair and makeup and gets dressed. Just before she's supposed to go get in the car to go to the church, though, she sits in there alone waiting to be told she can leave the room. Everything has been carefully orchestrated so that she doesn't accidentally run into Elvis in the hallway. She's looking at herself in the mirror when there's a soft knock on the door.

"Dovey?"

"Elvis? Don't come in!" Her heart jumps in panic and she looks for a place to hide.

"I won't, baby. Just... come over to the door." She walks to the door and he cracks it and slips his hand inside. "Take my hand, honey. I wanna do something before we go to the church."

"Okay..." She takes his hand and, without thinking, kisses his knuckles. He sighs softly at the feeling of her lips on his skin.

"Alright, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna pray for us." Her breath catches and a lump forms in her throat as he begins to pray. It takes everything in her not to cry through the whole thing. When he gets to the end, he squeezes her hand. "Amen... I love you, Dovey."

"I love you too, Jumbee."

"I'll see you at the altar, okay?"

"Okay."

"Remember: it's just you and me and God today, baby. Nothing else matters." He squeezes her hand again and then lets go, pulling his back through the door. She hears someone holler for him from downstairs. He yells back that he's coming and then his footsteps move down the hallway. Dove's heart is so full of love for him that she feels like it might explode. A few more minutes pass and her mom opens the door.

"It's time. Are you ready?" Dove takes a deep breath.

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

******

Time for wedding bells!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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