#bases covered. any fucking way. who wants to hear about color headcanons!!!!

[nyanbinary-87]

i cant be the only one to think of this

[artzychic27]

Headcanon’s about DC Kids AU: Aurore’s hero name would be Whirlpool. Cosette’s would be Buzz Kill. Zoe’s realtionship with her blood siblings in a nutshell: “If I have a Penny for each half sibling that is only a few months older than me and is a jerk, I would have 2 Pennies. It’s not much, but weird that happened twice”. Mireille screamed at Volpina during a battle to make her illusions disappear.

Okay, let's do this!

Zoé: 'Sup, dick?

Dick: I can hear you using lowercase 'D,' you basic-ass blonde.

Zoé: Jealous I got a hot girlfriend and Starfire met someone else? Yeah, fuck you, dick.

-

Jean: Okay, okay! If you guys had to choose your superhero names... What would they be?!

Simon: Kid Quick.

Denise: Really?

Simon: Kid Flash is taken.

Ismael: Krypto-Kid.

Aurore: Okay, not bad. Simon, take notes. I'd go by Whirlpool.

Cosette: Can't decide between AC/DC, Buzz Kill, or Voltage. There's just too many electricity puns!

Zoé: I am the night. I am the vengeance. I am... Still thinking of something other than Robin.

-

Mireille: Hey, Volpina!

Volpina Illusions: What?!

Mireille: *Screams, causing the illusions to disappear when they're hit by the strong soundwaves, revealing the real Volpina who's going to have tinnitus for real*

-

*Still coming up with names*

Simon: Uh... Lightning Run?

Cosette: The electricity-based stuff is mine.

Simon: Ugh! This is hard! Marc, you go!

Marc: Would my Tamaranean-translated name suffice?

Aurore: Depends. What is it?

Marc: Myzan'r.

Jean: I like it!

Simon: Aw, come on!

-

Simon: Anyone want Japanese food for lunch?

Ismael: Sure.

Denise: I could eat.

Mireille: Pick me up some onigiri.

Simon: Be right back. *Dashes off, then returns seconds later with five bags in his hands* Guess who had time to grab mochi!

-

Kiran: Marc! Do the thing! Do the thing!

Marc: Okay, come here!

Nathaniel: What thing?

Marc: *Holding Kiran* Ready... Set... *Throws Kiran high into the air*

Nathaniel: ...

Marc: ... *Catches Kiran back in his arms* Nathaniel, would you like to try?

Nathaniel: *Backs away* No.

Ismael, Denise, and Marc can deadlift the Eiffel Tower like it's nothing

While on the phone, Aurore walked into the pool without a second thought and resumed her conversation for about ten minutes. It baffled Kim and Ondine for weeks

Lacey LOVES getting head pats. It's even better when she turns into a cat

Sometimes Jean talks in reverse without even thinking, and inadvertently casts a few spells

Whenever sunspots occur, Cosette's powers go haywire and create an electrical aura around her. It's best to keep your distance for a few hours... Or days

Denise doesn't even need the Lasso of Truth. Just one glare from them can have any pour soul spilling their guts

So she’s not blowing everyone’s eardrums out by stress-screaming, Mireille took up boxing to get her anger out

Tamaranean puberty can start at any age. For Marc, it started when he was fifteen, and he spent the week covering his face with his hood

Aurore: Marc, I'm sure it's not that bad.

Marc: *Crying* Yes, it is! I look like a raw glorkaroach!

Denise: Hon, you're probably blowing this all out of proportion. Now, let's see that darling face, and- *Marc pulls down his hood* Oh! Oh, Athena! That is not right!... *Pulls Marc's hood back up and pats his head* Yeah, just... Keep that on.

Marc: *Cries again*

Their outfits have some elements of their hero parents

Aurore’s skirts and tops have gold fish scales, and she has trident earrings

Mireille manages to make leather and sweaters work with each other. She also has a lot of fishnets

It’s not rare to see stars embroidered on Denise’s skirts

Marc often wears purple and jewelry made from metals found on Tamaran

Simon wears more warm colors and a few of his shirts have The Flash’s logo embroidered on it

Cosette’s color schemes usually consist of blue, yellow, white, and black

Zoé’s got a lot of black with some hints of yellow. There’s no way in hell she’s going out in Robin colors again

Ismael’s cardigan is a brighter shade of blue with red cuffs

A lot of Reshma’s clothes have vine patterns on the sleeves and hems

Lacey wears Beast Boy’s signature shade of purple with some hints of black

Jean dresses all fancy with bow ties, crop jackets, and tiny top hats on a headband

Now as for Jean and Austin’s relationship- Jean often makes Austin’s favorite flowers appear in his locker

Oh, and Austin knows that he and his friends are related to DC heroes. His dad actually came across Zoé’s dad a few times in Gotham before he was put away

They don’t care much for the Marvel heroes

Simon: Darkseid. The most dangerous villain in the universe. Powerful enough to defeat any hero he faces.

Ismael: Even Superman?

Simon: Yes.

Zoé: Batman?

Simon: Yes.

Reshma: Spider-Man?

Simon: Well, Spider-Man wouldn't fight Darkseid.

Marc: Is it because he is too lazy?

Ismael: What a bum!

Lacey: You know, this really lowers my opinion of Spider-Man.

Whenever they go into battle, there’s always this weird sequence with a 40s-era sounding announcer

Assembled in the tenth grade class of Francoise DuPont in Paris are the world's greatest young heroes. Simon! The fastest demiboy on Earth, but needs to improve his endurance. Zoé! He REALLY hates his brothers! Denise! They’ve got bracelets, and a rope! Cosette! A human taser with outdated slang! Lacey! The animal shapeshifter who sometimes eats meat! Jean! A spectacular magician who can talk in reverse and confuse people! Ismael! He successfully managed Superman’s signature curl! Marc! This alien prince is already spoken for, boys! Mireille! She can and will destroy your eardrums! And Aurore! She hates dolphins and finds them to be jerks! Evil-doers beware! These kids are doing things! Everywhere! With their underwear on the outside!

*The DC Kids look around for the source of the voice*

Aurore: Where is that coming from?!

Simon: *Searching through his bag* I-is there like a tape recorder somewhere?

Marc: *Blasts a hole through the wall* Still can’t find it!

[multiples-fandomswontkillme]

~Metal Family headcanons~

These are like my... general hcs)? which means I didn't include my main hc that Glam, Ches and Vicky are polyamorous, married and started dating after Glam met Vicky, and absolutely everything that implies for the kids and the relationships between each member of the fam. Maybe I'll make a separate post for that or maybe not! Who knows lkfwnlfqnf

Glam

Bisexual

Glam has constant nightmares and ocasional night terrors ever since he ran away home and is an active sleep walker. Ches helped him through the worse ones when they were younger, and learned how to deal with them, always preferring not to wake him up but being with him until the episode passed. Vicky has learned how to deal with them, though she normally asks Ches for advice with it cuz she comes out short sometimes.

He has PTSD. I bet it's diagnosed too, he takes medication and goes to therapy, it doesn't mean he still doesn't have his bad days anyway. He's trying to get better.

Glam has talked to Vicky about his past, his father and his family. This is a direct contradiction of Alina's confirmation that Glam doesn't talk about it with anyone but man FUCK THAT. We love good communication in this house, Vicky tries her best to help him, but there's only so much she can do to help.

Glam enjoys gardening, cooking and making models, he also likes doing his make up, painting his nails and dressing up in fancy, extravagant clothes even if he has nowhere important to go.

He likes taking care of everyone's hair, and constantly helps Vicky brush her hair cuz there's so much of it, Dee when he gets stressed over how tangled it can get, buys Ches hair products so he actually takes care of it, and chases Heavy so the kid actually washes, untangles and brushes his hair.

This one is kind of weird, but I refuse to think any adult in the family is unarmed at any time. Glam owns a taser and pepper spray. They're bright pink and sparkly.

This man cried his eyes out while watching Coco. He's hell to watch movies with cuz he talks and predicts what's gonna happen during the movie, judges them with scores at the end and all.

Vicky

Also bisexual!

Vicky's the one who does everyone's laundry most of the time. She prefers it that way since she's the only one that knows how to wash their black clothes so the colors stay vibrant. (This is based on my gf shaming everyone but Vicky cuz their black clothes always look so muted and almost gray, but Vicky's whole outfit is always the same vibrant black colors, so we decided that neither Glam or the kids know how to wash dark clothes)

She has anger issues, if it isn't obvious. I think she also has PTSD, mainly survivor's guilt due to her surviving the accident her brother died in. She blames herself and cannot bear to talk about it, in some sort of deep denial. If she can't remember, it can't hurt as much, right?

She has scars on the right side of her back and her hip, from the road rash she got on her brother's accident, she never treated it due to grief and it scarred badly. Apart from that, the scar of the caesarean section from Heavy's birth. She doesn't really mind both of them, they happened, nothing to do about them.

She likes watching boxing competitions, brawling matches and motorcycle repairing on TV. Loves doing BBQ's and going to the pool. Also an enjoyer of teasing her kids, kissing and loving her husband at random times, spending time drinking and bonding with Ches and bragging about her family and punching anyone who thinks they're not that cool.

Not particularly a fan of make up, skirts and dresses or any traditionally femenine-perceived stuff. But has been making exceptions due to Glam and Ches being unashamed of being seen as femenine, and actually rocking the looks. The internalized misogyny is kind of slowly dissapearing.

Apart from the guns she carries in each arm (I mean her biceps, have you looked at the size of those?? She strong) she has brass knuckles on her at all times. Glam gifts her new ones sometimes, she loves having multiple choices to punch people teeth in.

Loves horror, thrillers and action movies. Falls asleep during rom-coms and dramas. Ironically, loves gossip and talking shit about people. Enjoys hearing Ches talks about the gossip going on in the nursery home even if she doesn't know who the hell he's talking about.

Rest of the family under the cut!

Heavy

Heavy is a trans boy! He doesn't know his sexuality yet though, he's still figuring himself out. When he's older, i think he definitely dated some men but had better luck with girls.

Heavy has had innocent crushes on some girls on his class before, but they never turn into anything more cuz he's not the best at expressing himself. He follows the bother-the-girl-to-death-until-she-hates-you gimmick, and unsurprisingly, it doesn't work.

I'm sorry to break this to u but Heavy totally had an among us phase, and uses so much reddit and twitch slang... You know he does.

Likes bullying and teasing his brother to death. You know that when Dee had his first romance, Heavy was ALL up in his business being a tease and a bad attempt at a wingman. He means well tho.

He's not squeamish at all. Also has great pain resistance. This kid has picked cockroaches with his bare hands and loves cats, of course the cats have scratched him. He's tough!

Grows up to be the charming himbo he was always destined to be.

Dee

I hc him as demisexual. Kind of inherited his dad's tastes for the takes no crap, intimidating but pretty kind of people.

Can't cook. He tries but he can only do basics like rice, cereal, chicken nuggets or eggs. Complicated meals always burn or don't taste like anything at all. It drives him crazy.

Dee was a quiet and very well behaved toddler before Heavy was born. He never threw tantrums or got whims. After Heavy was born though, and despite the fact he understood his brother was small and needed special care, he started craving attention often and cried and got mad at little things. Typical jealousy of the oldest sibling.

The first time Dee fell in love with someone, he didn't recognize it was love at first. He just thought his interest on the person was born out of curiosity and aesthetic attraction, but as soon as he realized he seeked validation and companionship, that he liked seeing them smile, that he wanted to protect them, that he yearned for more time alone with them and that he wanted more than what just a simple friendship implied, it was an instant 'oh hell no'. He wanted those feelings to get the hell away, but unfortunately, they were there to stay.

Canonically likes MLP, psychological and horror anime like Death note and Hellsing, so I'm deciding he also watched Death Parade, had a FNAF phase, is very into The Walten Files. This guy enjoys any kind of specially dark ARG's and knows a ton of lore of real crime, unsolved cases, ghost appearances and other stuff. Doesn't believe in the supernatural, but sure is entertained by it.

He's a mess at romance. Flirting? His attempts at compliments are hardly flattering. Giving gifts? The best he can manage is jewelry and you can kind of tell he asked his dad for help. Dates? He's so nervous he's silent for most of it, but begins getting comfortable and having fun if his partner really knows how to get him down from his negativity cloud.

Ches

Pansexual.

He's very good with kids. He has the patience of a saint and he's laid-back, chill and fun but still is an authority figure who knows how to put limits. Sure, he's gonna let the kids light up a house on fire BUT hey, now they know everything about fire precautions, burns and how to treat them AND how to get away with arson. What an educational evening, am I right?

Due to certain info from the "Goodbye" official comic, I headcanon Ches as depressed. I don't want to elaborate a lot 'cuz of spoilers, but... God, everything related to his mom fucking hurts, man. How did he deal with all that?

Ches has been Dee and Heavy's babysitter so many times he cannot count them with all his fingers. He learned how to put those kids to sleep almost immediately (Sing Bon Jovi's "This ain't a love song" and any cheesy love song in a slow lullaby style and they're out), which movie were their favorite as kids (Heavy loved 'Monsters Inc.' and Dee never looked away during 'Meet the Robinsons'), how to console them after nightmares (Heavy needed reassurance, sweet words, and to be with someone until he fell asleep again. Dee just had to be tucked in, get his nightlight turned on and kissed in the forehead). He practically raised those kids along with Vicky and Glam.

More than once, Dee and Heavy have slipped and called Ches "Dad". Ches immediately gets his shit eating grin on and answers "Yes, son?" and does a couple of dad jokes just to mess and embarrass them. He's actually very flattered and surprised at how proud of himself he is for being a father figure to both kids.

Has a scar on the left side of his forehead due to a bottle his mom threw at him when he was younger, around the time he met Glam. He hates the scar with passion, it's a permanent reminder of the fact she never cared, that's why he always keeps it covered with his headband. Gets sad about it sometimes.

Ches likes to spend his time with a group of grannies of the nearby nursing home. He genuinely considers them his friends and gossips and hangs out with all of them on weekends. Bingo, billiards, walks in the park, soap opera marathons, you name it. I even designed them, gave them names and backstories... God, i just love the concept too much. I'll make some art about Ches and his granny gang FOR SURE, you're NOT ready for them.

Carries a pocket knife on him at all times. This man grew up on a bad neighborhood and absolutely knows how to defend himself, he can be intimidating when he wants to be and will pose a threat if needed. He's fucking terrifying when genuinely mad. Just cause he looks harmless doesn't mean he is, darling.

That would be all!

[therealvinelle]

Hi, your metas are super interesting, and even if I really enjoy fanon twilight, it's really cool to read opinions based only on canon too!

So my question is about the sexual orientation of the Cullens, do you think they all straight?

For example i saw someone saying that Edward maybe was demisexual and it left me thinking, so i just wanted to know your opinions about it :)

In short, no.

In alphabetical order:

Alice is with a man, but without getting into the mess that is Alice/Jasper here, I don’t think theirs is a particularly physical relationship. I mean, if Alice wanted to get laid, she could just decide to fuck Jasper, enjoy the vision, and bam. Itch scratched. Thanks, Jazz. Alright, I’ll be serious. Alice and Jasper are with each other because the other represents salvation, not so much because of a personal or physical attraction but because of mysticism. So to me that doesn’t really say much about Alice’s preference. All the same I can’t see Alice having a particular preference, she’s too... Alice. Although it is easier to picture her with women. She is also the second half of the Alice/Bella homoerotic extravaganza, which makes heterosexual Alice even more farfetched to me. So, bisexual or lesbian Alice.

Bella shows clear attraction to women as well as men. She’s attracted to Rosalie, Alice, Edward, and Carlisle. I’ll just give you guys quotes: Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students. The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction. (Twilight, page 9) This is the Cullens’ introduction. I won’t spend much time on it, just notice the difference between Rosalie and the others. Rosalie is highlighted in a way Alice is not, and Edward is at first glance only the boyish one of the guys. Rosalie was the Cullen whose beauty immediately stood out to Bella. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy. (sic.) Bella has realized by now that Edward’s a grade A hottie, but she’s still torn between him and Rosalie. Bella then gets to know Alice, and they become friends who take showers together(!). Rosalie may be the most attractive Cullen woman, but Alice is the one Bella gets emotionally close to. We get this in New Moon:  UNNATURALLY STILL AND WHITE, WITH LARGE BLACK EYES intent on my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the halt, beautiful beyond imagining.  (...) I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn't like anything else—not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn't done it justice. (New Moon, page 191) Bella never thought she’d never see any of the Cullens again, so for her to be hysterical and ecstatic upon seeing her second favorite is not by itself damning. I’m sure she’d be ecstatic to see Emmett too. It’s that fact that she’d missed Alice’s scent that’s interesting. The scent of her skin was something Bella was aware of before they parted. And while it may be tempting to say “it’s because they’re vampires, Bella’s admiring them like she would a work of art!”, Bella never dwells on Esme, Jasper, or Emmett in this way. Jasper and Emmett especially are not admired beyond the introduction of their characters. We never hear about what any of them smell like, nor does Bella remark upon their beauty after waking up a vampire. Carlisle and Edward, by comparison, are men she keeps noticing. Bella finds Carlisle blindingly beautiful when she first sees him as a vampire, and there’s this from New Moon: Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. (New Moon, page 18) There’s thinking someone is pretty, and then there’s gazing lovingly upon their face instead of pain killers. Bella is bisexual.

Carlisle moved in with a very gay man, had a close relationship with him, lived with him for the sake of his company for decades, and only left because of dietary differences. We don’t know for sure whether they actually had an affair or not, but the fact remains that of all the Cullens, Carlisle is the one who is implied to have had a homosexual relationship in canon. He loses his straight card based on that alone. Also gonna link this clip, because I’m Mac listening to Edward talk about how young Carlisle lived with this sexy Mycenaean Greek for a few decades when he was young. Aro is all the santas. Carlisle is bisexual.

Edward... oh boy. His brain is supposedly seventeen, and yet this very interesting thing happens in his relationship with Bella where he never notices her body. Not ever. By body I mean curves. Edward notices Bella’s skin, her frailty, her humanity. He praises her blushes, her doe-like eyes, her warmth, her softness, her swan-like neck, her delicious scent. The feminine aesthetic. He does not once notice her tits. The only tits he is on record noticing belong to Siobhan, and it’s because she has an impossible to ignore rack: She was profoundly female in shape—aggressively, forcefully female. (Midnight Sun, chapter Probability) It’s one thing for him to be old-fashioned and too quintessentially Edward to even think the word “boob”, but in 700+ pages of Midnight Sun there’s just this absence of this seventeen-year-old noticing her curves. More damningly, when seeing Alice’s vision of vampire!Bella, Edward is horrified at the sight of his love cold and hard. He doesn’t describe vampire!Bella by any of the positives, like “flawless”. Edward is attracted to the human, not the woman. What that means for his sexuality... well, I’m going to go ahead and point out that he is very weird about Carlisle, and it’s damning that the personality he projects onto Bella is so similar to Carlisle. I hesitate to apply a label here, but in my own, personal, headcanon we’re veering towards homosexual. Deeeeeeply closeted homosexual.

Emmett is straight. Straightest guy ever to straight.

Esme is pretty clearly taken with Carlisle. Though if she were to feel attracted towards another woman, I imagine she’d have no idea what to make of that, if she even recognized it for what it was. She’s from a very different time and still living in that time, and she continues to be very sheltered. Still, as per my personal headcanon, I see her as straight.

Jasper,��who knows. Though if he’s into guys, he has probably gone for it in the past. I suppose I should write a meta on vampires and sexual norms in general, but in short I don’t think they all live monogamously like the Cullens. STDs and pregnancies are unheard of, as is social ostracizing. Vampires are hedonistic, Twilight vampires more so than any other. Which in turn means I don’t think Maria and Jasper were monogamous. A couple, sure, but I don’t think Maria would say “oh noes, I can’t, I’m with Jasper!” if someone she was attracted to made an overture, and same goes for Jasper. So, if Jasper was into guys, then sure. I can see Jasper/Peter happening, or even Charlotte/Jasper/Peter. Jasper is certainly into women, with the possibility of guys as well. And if so, then it’s probably happened.

Rosalie I’m shocked is with a guy in the first place, everything about her screams lesbian. However, she’s clearly into Emmett, so apparently she’s bisexual.

(I’m not including Renesmée in this, since she’s three months old by the time the series conclude.)

This all being said, several of these people are from very different times and wouldn’t have the same concepts of sexuality internalized as we do, so how they’d identify is a very different matter.

[tsukishimas-shortcake]

Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

[kirieshhhka003]

Can you do headcanons of fem! Illuso scissoring a female teammate in the mirror world? However, if you're not comfortable writing genderbents then that's fine l0l

A/n: omg I miss writing for lesbians sm, so here I fucking am. So basically all of La Squadra members are females here, idk why, I just felt like this

Pairing: fem! Illuso x fem! Reader

Warnings: NSFW, pussyeating, scissoring, masturbation, fingering, squirting

Word count: 2,3k

It’s unbearably boring. You’ve spent at least 20 minutes just walking around La Squadra’s base and it’s still 30 more minutes until ye meeting starts. You and your fiancée Illuso decided to leave your home an hour before the rally, considering horrible traffic of Naples. But much to your surprise it took you less than 10 minutes to arrive, and now you both were supposed to wait for other members to gather

You are not the only ones who have arrived too early - Prosciutto, unofficial mom of hitman team, is already at the base, getting everything ready for the meeting, waiting patiently for others to arrive

Suddenly you feel Illuso’s hand wrapping around your waist from behind, her soft lips brush against your ear shell as she whispers lecherously:

- I want you, - those three simple words send herds of shivers running up and down your spine. Bright blush dusts your cheeks in a matter of seconds and you feel your heart starting to race into your chest. You furrow your eyebrows nervously, glancing at your fiancée over your shoulder

- Right here? - you ask, your throat feels desert dry and you swallow heavily but it doesn’t seem to help. You see your girlfriend nod affirmatively, wide leer stretching her shiny from lip gloss lips. - No, we can’t! What if we’re getting caught? - you utter, trying to be as quiet as possible so your colleagues are not able to hear what you two are talking about

- Baby, sometimes you forget about what I’m capable of. Y’know, that kinda hurts, - Illuso says as her lush lips form into a cute pout, but the glimmer of mischievousness in her eyes betrays her actual intentions

You shift from one foot to the other, looking around, trying to figure out how much time will it take for all La Squadra members to arrive to the base. You hear your beloved tsk behind you, annoyed by your suddenly timid behavior, and her hand that was previously resting on your waist slowly comes higher. You hold your breath, secretly expecting her to give your chest a playful squeeze, but girl only slightly brushes her fingertips against the bottom of your tit, shamelessly teasing you

- So what? - she tuts mockingly and you bite down on your lower lip, looking nervously at Prosciutto sitting in her favorite armchair, reading some magazine she’s found on the coffee table standing in the middle of the meeting room

- Okay, fine, - you give up and hear Illuso humming approvingly at your response, fully satisfied with herself

You clear your throat and refer to blonde female:

- Pros, we’ll take a walk around. There is still time before the meeting starts and we’ll check if there are any possible enemies around, - you gibber, and she looks intently at both of you, condemning look in her beautiful sapphire eyes, as if she knows what you two are planning on doing

- Okay, but don’t be late. We’re not gonna repeat ourselves if you two will be late and miss something, - female replies in her usual stern “teacher” tone, then turning her eyes back to the colorful pages of fashion magazine she’s been reading before

Immediately after Illuso grabs you by your hand, leading you to the bathroom, and you obey happily, already feeling warmth emerging in the pit of your stomach. You don’t even notice when brown-haired teleports you into the mirror world, but once you’re there she presses your body against the cold surface of the wall, her lips find yours, kissing you deeply, smearing both of your lipsticks on your cheeks

Your hand comes up to rest on Illuso’s nape, carefully not to ruin her hair, knowing how much girl hates that. She wastes no time, unbuttoning your wine-red shirt and taking it off of your body, her greedy fingers undoing hooks of your bra, exposing your soft chest to her hungry gaze. Illuso immediately busies her hands with your tits, softly moldings and jiggling tender flesh between her manicured fingers, making your nipples harden in a matter of seconds

- C’mon, - she says, taking your hand into hers and leading you out of the bathroom

- Where are we going? - you ask, trying your best to catch with her temp and not to crash on the floor. Once Illuso makes your way to the meeting room she pushes you softly so that you fall right on the soft cushions of sofa, placing her knee in between your splayed legs, grinding it against your groin, making you whine softly at her actions

- It would be hella uncomfortable to fuck you in that tiny bathroom, don’t you think so? - brown-haired drawls teasingly, her hands come to the waistband of your jeans, in a few experienced moves undoing the button and a zipper. - Take off your shoes and the rest of the clothes, - your fiancée orders and you’re quick to obey, doing as you’re told, soon sitting on the couch totally naked

Illuso wastes no time, taking off her dress and a bra, carefully hanging her clothed on the armrest of the armchair standing next to the couch, revealing her lithe curvy form to you, her lacy thongs are the only clothing that covers her body from your eyes

You whine softly, spreading your legs wide, giving Illuso a great view of your already wet pussy. Your hands come up to grab on your own breasts, playing with erected buds, making the fire in your stomach grow bigger. Brown-haired girl chuckles sonorously at your impatience, kneeling before you, placing both of her hands on your thighs, gently caressing your skin

You slide to the edge of sofa so that your groin is now closer to Illuso. Girl’s smile only gets wider at this and she places a few wet kisses on the inner sides of your thighs, making you tremble from anticipation. Despite her aspiration to tease the hell out of you brown-haired remembers about that scarce time you have to yourselves. She lowers her head, taking a first wide lick of your throbbing sex, parting slicked folds with her smooth tongue, making you squirm under her caresses

Illuso fully gives in, nestling her pretty face between your legs, pleasuring you with her skilled tongue, turning you into drooling goo in a mere minutes. She’s always like that when it comes to pleasuring you with her mouth - wild and unbridled, eager to bring you as much pleasure as possible. Most of the times she edges you to be end, eating you out for hours straight without letting you cum, and only when you beg so prettily for orgasm she takes pity of you, finally making you cum that hard that stars start blurring your vision

You try to muffle your wanton moans by nibbling on your fingers as you feel your fiancée slipping two of her slim pretty digits into your clenching heat, all while she licks and suckles on your labia and clit

- Hey, take that away. I wanna hear those precious sounds you make, - Illuso chides softly, her eyes look up at you with displeasure. You obey, taking your hand away from your mouth, crying out girl’s name oh so sweetly when she closes her lips on your throbbing clit, giving it a generous suckle, and she hums approvingly at this, sending mild vibrations running through your cunny

You feel your high quickly approaching you as Illuso harshly fucks your cute pussy with her fingers all while playing with your swollen clit. You squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for your climax to come, but suddenly brown-haired stops everything, pulling back from your crotch, making you whine and buck your hips upwards to get more of her attention

- Not so soon, honey. Lay on the couch and spread your legs wide, - Illuso orders, lovingly smacking one of your thighs. You comply unwillingly, slightly disappointed that your fiancée didn’t let you cum. Brown-haired takes her panties off, discarding them to the side and joining you on the couch

She crouches over your splayed form, kissing you deeply, messily tangling her tongue with yours, and you can taste your own juices on Illuso’s lips. Her hands grip on your breasts, kneading and playing with the soft pudge and you lean into her touch, arching your back off the couch, bumping your naked abdomen into Illuso’s and the feeling of her skin right next to yours drives both of you crazy

Brown-haired straightens her back and you let out dissatisfied grunt, wanting female to stay close to you for a bit longer. She gives you a mischievous smile, throwing one of her legs over your body so that she straddles one of your thighs with hers, leaving mere millimeters between your glistening pussies

She fidgets a little, trying to find more comfortable position, aiming her leaking pussy to yours. Soft sigh leaving Illuso’s lungs as she finally sits herself atop of you, clits rubbing tightly together. You grip on Illuso’s hips, squeezing her buttocks slightly, trailing your fingers up and down her thighs, causing goosebumps to rise on the smooth surface of her pale skin

Illuso starts rocking her hips back and forth, starting on a slow pace, gradually quickening her juttings. Your swollen little clit strokes right against the inner part of brown-haired’s thigh and so does hers. Girl tips her head back, letting out a loud wanton moan, this sound makes your heart flatter. Illuso tightens her grip on your knee, pressing her pussy tighter onto yours, making you squeal like a bitch in a heat

Your gaze falls on the polished surface of the mirror hanging on the wall right in front of the couch your fiancée scissors you on. You see Prosciutto and Formaggio discussing something vigorously with Risotto and Pesci listens intently to the chat between her colleagues. Wait, they can’t see you, right? Right?!

You quickly forget about that as brown-haired expands one of her hands to your tits, groping on your tender pudge, tugging on your swollen nipples what sends electric shocks running up your spine. You whine and rock your hips back softly, meeting Illuso’s thrusts, making the contact even more pleasurable

- Fuck, baby, more more more. Pleeeease, - you squawk, and Illuso gladly obliges, fastening the jutting of her hips, bringing you closer to your high with every movement

The curl of tension in the pin of your tummy snaps and the next moment you feel warmth suffusing your whole body. You cum with a loud cry of Illuso’s name on your lips, whole body trembling as she keeps on tribbing her clit against yours

Brown-haired let’s you ride out you orgasm before letting go of your leg, she sits herself in between your still splayed open legs, one hand comes to her groin to pleasure her swollen clit. Your eyes follow her every movement - she didn’t get off, but she definitely doesn’t plan on staying dissatisfied

You extent your hand, reaching your lover’s slit, slipping three of your fingers inside of Illuso (surprisingly or not they come in without any resistance, you know brown-haired can fit something way bigger inside). You start ramming your hand on the rapid speed, mercilessly fucking your fiancée’s pretty pussy, unapologetically hitting her g-spot with every new thrust

By the way her thighs start to tremble you can say that she’s close to her own climax. Just a mere moments later thick mewl escapes Illuso’s lush lips as her whole form starts shaking. You feel her gushing on your fingers, covering your exposed pussy and inner thighs in her love juices. You hungrily watch your fiancée squirt all over your body - wow, you didn’t expect that. But that’s definitely a highly pleasant bonus

- Holy shit baby, you’ve made a mess, - you chuckle, watching your beloved getting off her high, her stunning body still slightly trembling in aftershocks from recent orgasm

It takes you about 10 minutes to clean yourselves up and make each other look at least presentable. You look at the wall clock, suffering a bit to understand what time it is since everything is mirrored. Excellent, there are a few minutes lest before the meeting starts

You make your way outside of the base while still in the mirror world so that it won’t be overly obvious when you two come back from your “patrol”. Once you get inside of the base you meet face to face with Prosciutto. Both you and brown-haired freeze in place, not expecting to meet with any of teammates that soon

- So? - Prosciutto asks, her arms are crossed on her chest and pretty eyebrows are furrowed as she looks sternly at both you and Illuso. Your fiancée shrugs faintly, turning her gaze away, letting you know that she doesn’t intend on helping you with this conversation. You look angrily on your beloved but quickly divert your attention to the blonde standing in front of you

- What? - you query, having no clue what your colleague may possibly want from you

- Enemies. Did you find any? - Prosciutto explains, and by the tone of her voice nor look on her face you can’t clearly understand if she scoffs at both of you or actually being serious. Your mind fumbled with any answer, but your brain still can’t work properly after your recent orgasm

- Oh, yes, um… there are none. We’ve looked through every possible place they could’ve hidden, but didn’t find anyone, - you stammer out, hoping that blonde beloved you and won’t ask any more questions. She only hums quietly, satisfied with your answer, then sharply turns around on her hills, sashaying towards the meeting room

- Good. Now go, we’re starting in a few minutes

You can’t help but sight in relief at this words. God, the meeting hasn’t even started yet and you already feeling like a squeezed lemon. You glance on Illuso and by her half-lidded eyes you can say that she feels no different. Well, you just gotta hold on, and you feel like the next few hours will be pure torment for both you and your fiancée

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

Hello I was wondering if you could do a male reader x feral shadow wraith any thing works but please can reader also be a photographer like wanting to take photos of his wairth! Thank you

Male Monster x Male Reader

This took me so long and I'm sorry for that. I got two ask with wraiths one wanted dating headcanons with just a wraith of any kind and had no preference for gender so I'm mixing them with a fic about a male reader meeting a feral wraith and a second part with the dating headcanons for said wraith because this became so long hope you enjoy! CW: Cursing and when letters look like this its for thinking and this is the monster

It had all started with a job offer one that would send me to a small town within some mountains. Though it was nearing winter the pay along with the amazing sights I would be able to see made it to good to pass up so with a contract signed I got ready to set off for two weeks of hopefully blissful work. The first few days after arriving wasn't to bad the town had a nice cabin that could be rented out the stores had good products to buy and the people were welcoming, even telling me some places that would be great for my photography. After settling in and looking over the maps and walking paths of the mountain I asked one of the people I had seen walking the trail each day for some help.

" So I haven't seen one on the maps but I was told there was a small waterfall and lake on the mountain" I handed him the grainy photo I had been given" The man who payed me wanted me to take a better picture of this but I'm not sure how to get there." The man hummed taking the picture from me and looked at it for a moment " Well I've never seen it while walking but from the looks of this its not on the mountain its at the base" He smiles handing me back the print." You could ask Marie she gathers plants and the like from the base of the mountain she might have been there! I nodded, talking with him for a few more minutes before taking my leave hoping to catch Marie before she started work for the day.

I got lucky managing to speak with her about the photo and seeing if she knew about the area I was looking for. After walking with her to her shop Marie told me that she had in fact seen something like this before and if I was up for it could take me tomorrow, I agreed letting her know that I would see her the next day. We met right as the sun began to rise and the morning air was cold enough it seeped through my layered clothes. It was then I met Steven a man who headed down the mountain during the sunrise and came back to town once it set it seemed he would be the one taking us down. The ride was mostly quiet with small bouts of chatter every once and a while about both the town and places I've been before we would settle into the silence enjoying the view.

We arrived at the edge of a forest tall trees spanning who knows how far and looking full of life." I tend to take the main path when I'm looking for certain plant life but" Marie trails pulling a small parchment from her bag" since your looking for a lake we need to travel off it" "That's fine with me but hey Steven" He looks over at me" Would it be ok to leave those two bags in your truck I wont need them till tonight" Yeah sure no problem I'll be back right before sun down so just meet back up here" He laugh's" Not like I need to worry Marie wont let you get lost. I chuckle thanking him before taking my equipment bag out and grabbing my camera for if I saw something nice on our walk. Marie and Steven talked a little more while I looked around it was then I thought I saw something; quick and dark it rushed past the trees startling some rabbits that had been by one of them. " Is there something we need to worry about while were out here" Hmm not anything to bad most the animals can be scared off why" Just wondering" I turned back hoping to catch a glimpse of what it could have been.

Marie nodded before patting my back slightly moving past me to start walking down our off road path. It took maybe an hour or two for us to reach it. The large open body of water at the base of the mountain, from above cascading down the rocks was a brilliant waterfall the grass though slightly covered in a thin layer of frost still housed some wonderful flowers and plant life and I knew I would spend however long it took to get the perfect photo here. It seemed Marie could tell what I was thinking as she spoke up" I guess you like it!" yeah..yeah its so beautiful here" Well if you need me to bring you back here just let me know" I set my bag down on a smooth looking rock turning and giving her my full attention" I'm really grateful that you were willing to bring me Ill just stay around here so please let me know if you need help with anything" She just smiles giving me a wave before heading back the way we came with the promise she would be back when we needed to meet with Steven.

I was there for hours taking photos of wild life plants and the likes but no matter hard I tried to focus on just my work I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. No matter how much I pushed it away "I'm in the wild its normal to feel watched" I looked around signing before setting up for another picture 'But was that really the only reason' I shuddered upon hearing a branch break near me. It took me several try's before I got some photos I would be happy to show my client but I knew I would save some of these for myself already and after that I took a break. Pulling some food I had packed out of the backpack I ate letting the sounds of the waterfall and nature soothe me. I hadn't realized I had even fallen asleep but the feeling of something cold and heavy covering me is what caused me to awake. Something unknown dripping on my skin and pressing slightly on my chest I startled opening my eyes and bringing my hands up to push whatever it was from atop me yet when my eyes adjusted there was nothing. My breathing was heavy and the feeling of sweat on me was more noticeable then ever but nothing was out of place and I was fine " Y/N!" I heard Marie call out the sun was beginning to set" Right we have to meet back up" I packed my things in a hurry looking around the open area for anything and when it came up blank I sighed and headed to the opening.

" Well how was it" Steven ask as I reach the clearing" Mostly good I still need the main picture but with any luck I can get it tonight and start any editing he might want" Tonight! you plan on staying here tonight" Marie asked voice laced with worry'' Hmm yeah the other bags have my camping gear, dont worry I'll only stay in that spot and I dont plan on taking anything". I said heading over to the truck to get my bags" He'll be fine I'll make sure to pick him up in the morning' But dont you work" Marie cut in before I could say anything it seemed she really didn't like the idea of me out here" I'm sure he wont mind coming to town with me right" Oh um what town?" I only knew of the one on the mountain." Its a larger one past the forest you take a side road to find it plenty to do there" But what if.." Ill be okay thank you for your worry but I've done this before I wont do anything risky" She finally nods patting my shoulder again and telling me to be safe before getting in the truck. Steven gives me a thumb's up wishing me luck on getting the photo and with that their off heading back up the mountain as I head to the lake hoping what I felt was just a dream.

The nights were much colder but wrapped in extra jackets and laying in my tent with my camera set and ready I waited in hopes of seeing the moon light up the clear water. I could still hear the other animals around me but the feeling of being watched was no longer present "Maybe I was just being paranoid" Honestly this wasn't so bad it might be colder then I would like but the view and sounds were so mesmerizing that it made it more then worth it I really wouldn't mind spending my weeks out here for this photo alone. I didn't know how much time had past but I felt it again, the feeling of being watched like something was lurking right outside my vision maybe it was the drowsiness or maybe it was the fact that I needed to know I wasn't imagination it but with a shaky voice I called out.

" Look I dont know whether you're an animal or not but I just need to know if something is or isn't there okay!" Though nervous of what might be lurking I stilled raised my voice" It might just be an animal Marie said plenty are out here" you can see me" I moved my equipment into my tent as fast as I could pulling my body all the way and zipping it up my breathing was heavy and my heart was pounding in my ears when the area went quite. "You saw me" The voice was a harsh deep growl sounding loud yet distant but all encompassing just the sound made me feel like I couldn't breath. Against my better judgment I answered back "It already knows I'm here why bother staying quiet"

" s-So what if I did?!" Good...." as it spoke a shadow approached my tent, Larger then any human or animal it slowly crawled? over looking hunched while tilting what I think was its head to stared at the closed tent. "OUT" the voice was louder now echoing through the trees as the beast raised its body. Though shaking I moved forward opening the tent still staying inside. "WHAT THE FUCK" My voice broke body shaking worse then before as I took in the creature before me. Towering over me was nothing but blackness like spilled ink dripping down from above it sat? stood? just watching me pure white eyes unblinking and mouth colored red from something.

The beast seemed unfazed by my raised voice or what I said it simply lowered its head a long tongue falling from its stained mouth before wrapping around my throat it was cold and rough the goo that covered its body was dripping on me and my vision became hazy. All I remember after that was the sound of purring and the feeling of being carried.

Okay okay that it for now I will very soon make the part two with headcanons of the after and dating of the monster! This wasn't meant to be this long but I got carried away so I dont want to make this any longer by adding more it might also not be edited super well but I tried to catch any major mistakes! I hope you liked this part and look forward to more! - Lilly

[fanfiction-inc]

If you are still doing the Ns/fw alphabet thing would I be able to request one of Higgs Monaghan?

Oh, but of course! Now I must apologize to you and everyone else for the delay! I have finally been able to finish up some things for college and have a slow period to get some stuff done! I hope you enjoy this!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It all depends on the relationship he is having with the one he’s fucking. If it’s a one night stand, he has no obligation to clean up the other party, much less show them kindness or deliver niceties on his way out. He simply will redress, and leave whoever they are. Something more than a fling, like a friends/enemies with benefits or standard relationship warrants far more sweetness from the terrorist. He’ll wipe you down, clean you up of any mess and offer the sweetest praises. Now this man, despite all the terrible shit he has done, is the sweetest pillow talker, holding you as if he’ll never see you again and reminding you of what you mean to him. He hardly has quality relationships, so having you as a friend (or enemy with benefits) or partner is what he values most.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part is of course that damn silver tongue he uses to charm you like always and the mouth it resides in. Be it the nicest words you’ll ever hear or the filthiest, he savors how it makes you react. The stammering or stern and silent look away when you blush. The subtle press of thighs or move of an object to cover a ‘growing’ problem. He loves it all. He also loves what he can do with that mouth and tongue that could get you going. Licking along a hot shaft with kitten like flicks of his tongue, or along folds that hold the honey pot he wishes to steal from.

It doesn’t matter the shape, size, or prominence, but Higgs will always be an ass man. Be it cupping it, squeezing it, using it to get a rise or having his cock buried deep, he will always love a good ass. He tends to be more sexual with asses when his partner is male (or presenting male), often finding moments like those intimate in the guy category. The ass on a woman (or presenting woman) is often more for holding, especially for stability when his tongue is buried deep in them.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Anywhere. Literally fucking anywhere. You want it inside you? Done! Want it down your throat? He’ll go right ahead! Want it covering your face or body? He’ll do his damnedest! He loves the sensation of filling you, but fucking hell does he love how it looks on your body and how it decorates you. Of course he finds humor if it gets in your hair or misses you from a wrong angle, but that’s the playfulness in him talking.

Now him taking any form of cum? That’s a different story. He is absolutely okay with cum inside him or down his throat, but he despises spitting it out or having it leak from him. It’s an intimate act to take such from his partner, so he’ll practically beg for it as long as you’re willing to give it!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This Particle of God who permeates all existence is by simple definition, a slut. Now, I say slut with all the love I have for him in the world, but it is quite true. Higgs is by far the biggest example of ‘switch’ energy. He wants to be used like a toy, wants to be used for the sake of giving others pleasure. Tie him up, decorate him in leather. Give him a few healthy smacks to the ass, but just know if he’s the dominating force in the relationship, he may never admit such. It’s something he prefers to keep to himself until he finds the perfect partner to open up to about it, so it remains his dirty secret.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Higgs has had some good flings in his time, allowing experience with both men and women alike and giving him a rather good sense of what he’s doing. He’s learned just what his tongue can do, how his words can make the body react. And when he rolls his hips just the right way, oh, he gets the idea and knows how to manipulate it.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Oh, he could never start off without without a good bit of foreplay. Typically with any partner, Higgs prefers a good bit of face sitting or ‘69’ play, though his main objective is to focus on his partner's pleasure. Anything he can do to get his partner off first, he will attempt to do.

When it comes to his partners, the positions vary. Up against a wall, he’d have their legs wrapped around him and fucking up into them. Don’t forget the wandering fingers to a sensitive clit or hand to a weeping dick. Laying down, it’s a toss up between missionary or spooning. Missionary is often used when he wants to keep his gaze locked with his partner's own, where as spooning is for those moments where he wants to hold his partner close. When he’s spooning, this can be for intimacy purposes where he goes slow and deep, keeping the moment drawn on to savor you or your body. But in other times, it’s the moment to jackhammer his hips into you until you’re a shaking mess. On your knees, and he has you in doggy. This position is also used more often for flings where no eye contact has to be made and is quick enough to be over and done with.

Now for himself, especially if it’s with a male/male presenting partner or during an intense pegging session, he’ll be begging for a form of missionary. He much prefers holding his legs up towards himself so his bum is presented to his partner. If you include a nice hand job while fucking him, then he’s done for in that position.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

This man is not only a switch in the dom/sub realm, but he also is in the serious/humorous realm as well. Higgs is often very humorous when it comes to sex, finding ways to make it fun and carefree. He’ll crack jokes, chuckle if something doesn’t go quite right, but above all, he’ll find it fucking hilarious if you joke back. Playful banter is all part of the fun, but sometimes the moment deserves some serious focuses. If his partner is ever down on themselves or their bodies, he’s serious in the moment. He will make fucking sure that they know what they do to him, but also how beautiful/handsome their body is. All encouragement and softness, but lacking the humorous tone. Then, there is the time were the two collide, where pleasure is the main goal.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Grooming isn’t usually a big concern to him, but he does do it here or there. Just like the stubble that grows on his chin, he sometimes just lets it go until it’s so long and thick that it must be taken care of, just like the onsets of a beard. The color is just as dark as his hair, but a little curled as compared to the well kept nature of his hair on top of his head.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

It truly depends on the partner. If this is a one night stand, Higgs won’t hesitate to call it a quick fuck and move on. He’s not going to give his attention or devotion to a person who doesn’t deserve the full on ‘Higgs Monaghan experience’, but if he feels it may be going somewhere, then expect some kisses or sweet words. Maybe even expect a bit of his strong façade to slip in the process.

Now, if you’re his friend/enemy with benefits, or his partner, then here comes the fucking romance train. Sweet, lingering kisses. Gentle brushes along one's skin followed by an unlimited amount of devotion and praise. He will worship the very ground you walk on as long as he gets a piece of you in some way, shape, or aspect. His love will show in every act, even if it’s a quickie or just a straight up fucking session. He may not be too brash, but his reminders will come at a constant, mixed in with lewd conversation and grunted notions.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Being in his clothes, be it his mask or just his cloak, is the best material he can go to for jacking off. Be it imagining you on your back, hands going to work on whatever gets you off while the fabric bunches beneath you, or the idea of you being in control, being ‘him’. Fuck, does it get his mind going and hand going even faster. The easiest thing to do in those moments is to call you up for some straight up dirty talk. If he’s going to be going after release, he wants you to do the same too (or tease the hell out of you until you’re on the brim and need him, because the cocky bastard loves that shit.)

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

BDSM (Bondage, Masochism, and Sadism mostly), Breath Play, Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, Face Sitting (partner and him), Impact Play, Knife/Weapon Play, Odaxelagnia, Orgasm Denial/ Control, Pegging/Anal, Praise Kink, Strap-on Play (to him), Teasing, Voyeurism, and Worship Kink.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

ANYWHERE. Literally fucking anywhere. He will do it at the Homo Demens base camp, right outside of a Bridges delivery location, or even in the middle of timefall (of course with proper coverage. He would never want you to get hurt by the timefall, nor the BT’s, but it does make it interesting to see how quiet you can stay when they begin to move about. It’s always with an underlying sense of danger or excitement of getting caught that fuels him. But this doesn't stop him when it comes to being home.

When with the Homo Demens, his room at base camp is an often place as well as the community showers. The bunker of Peter Englert, though smaller than a whole base, offers many places as well. These stationary places are his favorite for privacy and intimacy.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Your body, no matter what, is always an automatic turn on. Especially if there is exposed skin involved that he can hold onto or kiss at. He is a total ass man, always loving to grab at it or just keep his hand there when talking. Your ass, watching it as you walk or beneath him sends blood rushing down below and he may as well cum in his pants at this rate because holy fuck, is that ass perfection. He will worship that ass, constantly wanting to caress it or have a handful if you’re on his lap. Your hands are the next thing. Be them wrapped around his cock, grabbing at the sheets beneath you, or simply cupping his cheek in the afterglow, your hands are always the sweetest thing because they can do so many things that can make him fall apart at the seams.

What REALLY gets him going is being taken care of. Higgs is touch starved all to hell, and when he gets any sign of affection or sweetness from you, be it cuddling or kind words, he feels like he’s floating on a damn cloud. When he is being submissive, or is the bottom in the relationship, It’s especially a turn on when being taken care of leads to praise in the bedroom.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will ABSOLUTELY refuse to involve any form of piss or scat in your play. It is an automatic turn off and he may as well be the cause of another voidout just from the mere recommendation of it. He can’t stand the idea of it. Higgs is into a lot of things, but those two will never fall under his category of things that get him going and needy.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

BOTH! BOTH! BOTH! He is an absolute lover of giving and receiving oral! And he isn’t too shabby at it once he gets used to how your body reacts.

When it comes to giving oral, he goes between a mixture of teasing and driving you mad with that damn tongue. Depending on the relationship you share with him, he either dives right in or takes his time with it. If he wants to, he’ll map out your sex, taking in how hard/wet you are, finding what bits make you mewl the loudest or give him the desired effect. He’ll go slow with his tongue, dragging it until you’re trying to get your cock either inside his mouth or his tongue on your clit (either way, he’ll leave you squirming). When he finally gives you what you want, being lavishing your core or sucking you off, he’s at it and he will go until you’re trembling and begging for no more, to which he’ll get one or more out of you just to prove the point that he can.

When it comes to receiving, he is always down for such, but he is more likely to be down for it if he's the submissive partner in the relationship. He would rather worship and tease when in a dominant position. Taking care of you is the best thing in his mind. But being taken care of? Now that is what drives him absolutely wild. He is sensitive when it comes to the tip of his cock being played with, and will fall apart if it's played with.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It really depends on his mood. If he is wanting to be in a kind and sweet mood, he’s slow and passionate, He’ll take his time to make sure you feel nice and good. Keeping eye contact and sweet praising as he takes you, gentle kisses followed by accented thrust that go just deep enough but not too fast to make it fucking. No, that in his mind is perfect for something he isn’t used to, which is love making. If it needs to be quick, or in his mind it’s a sexual punishment, he will be rougher, or faster with you. He’ll fuck you raw and leave you a mess. Either way you’ll be a mess when you’re with Higgs.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He usually has more time for quickies, as he is the entity trying to bring on the next mass human extinction. Of course he loves a good session of proper sex, being able to take his time with you or give you a chance to properly take him. But sometimes those are short lived moments, interrupted halfway through or being stopped before being able to bask in the afterglow because he has to leave. Duty calls, after all. His favorite places for them are generally at the Homo Demens camp, or on the go in some risky area that could accidentally get you guys caught.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

This fucker practically screams risk. Be it public excursions or a new tactic in the bedroom, he’s game. If you want to try something a little more dangerous with him, or something far more kinky then you two already do, he is down. He will always give you a chance to try things with him, and sometimes he’ll see what he can do to help expand your comfort zones by suggesting new situations or experiences. Maybe trying more intensive bondage would be the step up he would try with you from the light bondage you two may already do. Maybe he wants you to try choking him, or maybe YOU want to try choking him. Either way, he is always up for experimentation.

This man, being the exhibitionist he is, is obsessed with the thrill of potentially or actually being caught in the act. It’s something that he would GLADLY introduce you to if he had the chance, wanting that to be the first big experiment if you aren’t already into it. Now mind you, he will respect (generally) your boundaries on most things, but this is one thing that absolutely screams fun in his mind, and it’s so damn risky because you never know who is gonna see!

“Oops, didn’t see ya there Sammy! We’ll just finish up here.”

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

It really depends on the play and the partner. Higgs is a man who can go perhaps three or four rounds at the most, having stamina like a beast if he’s really hyped up for it. Usually this happens when he is in the domineering position, having full control over himself, and whatever control you’ll allow over you, be it full or less than full control.

When he is the bottom, taking whatever is being given to him, he’ll last two rounds at the most because let's face it, Higgs can become overstimulated quickly if the right touches and praises are given. Use the right sensation or hammer down on him when you fuck, and he’ll be a puddle of incoherent speech and needy rambling. Now this doesn't mean you can’t get more out of him, but he’ll be less likely to be as coherent as if he is in full control of the situation.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Oh he most certainly owns them, and he most certainly uses them when he wants to. He’s the kind of guy that if he doesn’t have a partner close by, and he wants to spice up a dirty call or get himself off quicker than he can with his hand, toys are the way to go. Be it dildos, vibrators, anything of the likes, he uses them and he will gladly use them on you or let you use them on him.

He doesn’t usually like using toys in every session, though. Sometimes feeling skin instead of whatever material the toy is is sooooo much better to him because he issued you and he wants to fuck properly. Now if you’re a person who requires the extra stimulation from a toy while you’re enjoying each other, then by all means, he’ll incorporate it somehow so that you get exactly what you need. Some people just need that extra push, and he is happy to supply!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Excuse me, have you met this man? He is the ultimate tease! Especially publicly. He loves to get you hot and bothered or embarrassed and riled up when he’s around. Sinfully delicious comments against your ear or tracing motions through your clothes until you’re needy and he leaves you like that until you’re alone. In the bedroom, he will do whatever it takes to have his partner either be a begging mess or be so fed up with him that he gets exactly what he wants.

For a submissive partner, he likes to use his tongue the most to tease. Trailing along your chest, or over sensitive nipples. Light flicks to extra sensitive areas below the belt, be it the tip or sweet spot on a cock or the bundle of nerves between a woman's legs. Light kisses or nips to the inner thighs just to get you squirming, that man will do so until you get a bite to your voice or just needy enough to give you what you want. Then again, sometimes he likes the torture of continuing the teasing until you’re vision is blurry with tears and you can’t utter any other word than ‘please’.

With dominant partners, he will make every move or command he gets into a tease. Taking his clothing off too slowly, tracing his tongue too long or not putting enough pressure. Sometimes his kisses will pull away too quickly as to tease you. But that teasing is gone the moment you put him in his place, then he is the most compliant creature ever.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make

He is like a fucking air raid siren when he’s being taken, but his volume isn’t nearly as when he’s doing the taking over having someone on top of him in the form of riding. He’ll moan, that is for sure, but the most common noises are the high pitched hitches in his breathing or the grunts that come when he’s pistoning his hips to bring you over the edge. He may give a growl if the fucking is more aggressive, or he may release and airy chuckle from time to time if you two are having more fun than seriousness.

W = Wild Card (Random Headcanon)

He is more than happy to dress in some kind of outfit for your sexual encounters. Be it a Bridges outfit because he knows you get off from him playing as the unknown stranger at Bridges, Peter Englert, or a Fragile uniform because fuck do you love leather, he’s down. He’ll happily wear panties if you like him in feminine undergarments, happily dress with cock cages and leather straps if you want to see him in such. He’ll even stay in the mask if you ask, but when it comes to dressing up, he isn’t limited to dressing himself. He absolutely adores when you wear his mask, or wearing his cloak to cover your nude form.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He may not be the longest or the girthiest, but Higgs has a nice package. He’s about six inches long when fully erect, so about average (in American standards). He can go from well trimmed to near unmanageable depending on his mood, and also the partner. Some prefer hairless, some don’t mind the all natural look.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pfft. Have you met this needy man? I mean seriously? He is OBSESSED with sex. Borderline nymphomaniac if you must, Higgs is constantly down for a good time as long as he has time. His big plans for the end of existence come first, but he will gladly give you his all or take whatever is given as long as he gets to enjoy it. He may ask for company more often than once a day given the day, or sometimes he’ll wait till it’s a time restrained time for you and get as much as he can until you just HAVE to do whatever it is you do. He can wait, but it only gets him more hyped for whatever will happen next, and sometimes it’s torture to him with waiting too long.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Out like a fucking lightbulb. He may stay up for a few for some aftercare either giving or receiving, maybe even some light banter, but generally he’s so worn out that he is O.U.T out! That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t like to stay up and chat the night away. Sometimes he does, sometimes he falls asleep like a light sleeping rock, and other times he’s having to redress to start whatever is next in his grand plan.

[angelz-dust]

masters of none (jason todd x reader)

summary: welcome to my jason x celebrity fic, based on this headcanon. pls enjoy. 

word count: 5.2k

warnings: gun mention. food mention. 

part 2

626 bedford avenue

baby let's have a conversation and god forbid we have a connection

...

"are you sure? i don't wanna leave your here alone," dex had said to you as he put his jacket on. the two of you were in the studio when he got a sudden invite to a party.

"i'll be fine. i just wanna finish this track tonight. or attempt to, i guess," you explained, spinning in your chair to face him. you watched as he used his wooden military brush to fix his waves. "everyone else is going so you should go."

"you should also go," he chuckled, shaking his head before sighing and pocketing the brush. "at least let me take you home now."

"i have to finish this, dex. seriously. just go," you told him, turning back around to face the monitor.

"fine, but i'm coming back when it's over and i'm taking you home. i don't care if you're not done or passed out on the couch," he told you firmly, grabbing his keys off the coffee table. "are you hungry? i can get you something to eat."

"i already ate."

you did not, but you weren't hungry. you were too invested in working to be hungry. you'd eat later when he picked you up.

"alright. make sure the doors are locked when i leave. you know where the gun is, right?" he asked and you lifted your arm up, giving him a thumbs up. you had your headphones back on and were about to focus on that again. he rolled his eyes before leaving, making sure the doors were locked himself.

your work in progress played loudly in your ears as you stared at the meticulously placed loops on the monitor. you didn't like hearing your own voice but you loved the rush of putting together the puzzle that was a song, so you let it go. you worked for hours, unmoving from your spot until you felt a familiar tingle make place in your temples. a hunger headache was coming on and staring at the monitor, probably without blinking, wasn't helping.

it was midnight and dex probably wouldn't get back until 2 or 3. you weren't sure if you'd last that long. there were snacks in the mini fridge that could tide you over but it wouldn't be satisfying. you stood up, your legs feeling like jelly from not being used for so long. your ass had gone numb, too.

you wobbled your way to the fridge of wonders, resting on it to balance yourself as you opened it. you were looking for the yogurt you had stashed in there but...

"fucking jordy," you breathed out, recalling how he had eaten it that morning before you both left for your video with gotham insider.

...

"hey, i'm jordy rivas."

"and i'm y/n l/n."

"we're here with gotham insider and we'll be answering your burning questions."

you had a bucket filled with slips of paper in your lap as you waited for the cue to start picking. you took in your surroundings, not being able to see much with the bright lights illuminating you from above and keep everyone else in the dark. sometimes you couldn't tell if you were on set or on an operating table. jordy, your group mate, noticed that you two had plenty of questions to answer as he peered into the bucket.

how you got here was still a blur. your rise to stardom alongside your friends felt so sudden, it was hard to believe. you didn't expect to have such a large following at this point, or ever. and you never thought you'd have a band of brothers and sisters who loved music as much as you did. it was like a dream come true. not only did you have them but you were able to expand your horizons musically. you were just a below average producer before but now you produced music of all genres at such a high caliber. hell, you even sang a little now.

being a celebrity was overwhelming at times, but you loved interacting with fans or the family, as you affectionately called them. you'd take a simple q&a or fan meet over an award show or social event any day.

"alright, go ahead and start," a staff member said from behind the camera and you stuck your hand in at the same time as jordy, both pulling out a slip.

"how did you guys come up with the name cloud 9?" jordy read from his slip.

"stockholm syndrome," you said simply, getting a little laugh from jordy and some staff before he spoke up to explain.

"we were unofficially going by seven heavens before y/n and dex came along. we had just dropped music under our own names before but we couldn't really do that if we were going to do a group album so we needed a name."

"we were just producing a song each for the album," you spoke up to clarify. "i decided to call our studio session 'on cloud nine' since it fit with the theme of the group and there were nine of us working together."

"then we realized y/n and dex were geniuses and we asked them to produce the whole album," jordy chimed in with a smile. "they had already put so much work into it, so we asked them to join the label and we dropped the album as cloud 9."

best decision i ever made, you thought to yourself, a smile playing on your lips. on cloud nine took ages to produce but the results were worth it. for you, it was more than the money and the charts. creating music was a labor of love and an extension of yourself. you helped create a piece of art that you loved and allowed others to love too. it was the greatest feeling in the world.

"next question is... how do you guys decide who collaborates on what and when you do it?" you read, shrugging your shoulders softly. "we just do it on a whim. covers, singles, eps, full albums, it doesn't matter. we still operate as a group but sometimes we wanna do our own separate projects. we're in charge of ourselves so we do what we want."

the rest of the questions were pretty tame, mostly asking about your music and your label mates. occasionally they got more personal, asking about your interests and families. you both answered with enthusiasm, joking around a little and keeping certain things private when you felt necessary or when you were contractually obligated to. can't go around spilling secrets about upcoming music and other projects.

you and jordy were actually working on an album but it hadn't been announced yet. that was why you two came together, as a way of hinting at it and getting ready for promotions to come. the album was nothing like what you both normally did in a lot of different ways. the sound, the aesthetic, all of it. it was an ambitious project and you were looking forward to seeing how it would be perceived.

you were just about done with the q&a, pulling out the last question from the bucket that jordy had then ceremoniously punted out of frame.

"who is your favorite vigilante? i don't know actually. i've never thought about it," you softly clicked your tongue with a pensive look.

"i like signal," jordy answered as you thought it over. "i saw him kick ass up close one time and he has a cool costume."

"i like nightwing's costume! uniform? whatever," you said with a confused shake of the head, not really sure what to call it. "the blue bird is cool. i personally enjoy the color blue, so he gets points for that. it's a sexy shade of blue."

that last part elicited some laughter from jordy. "is that some roundabout way of you saying nightwing turns you on?"

"it's a direct way of me saying i like the color blue," you corrected him. "but yeah, he looks like he'd be hot. it has no bearing on how i feel about the blue, though. two separate feelings."

"who else is there? you got batman and robin. red robin. uh..." jordy trailed off, trying to think.

"batgirl," you supplied, getting a nod from him. "orphan? right? and uh..."

"red hood!" jordy said with a smile. "that dude is cool as hell. i like his jacket."

"doesn't he shoot people?" the staff laughed again at your delivery of the question. clearly you were on a roll today.

"he doesn't have a hood, though," you realized, looking perplexed. "why is he red hood if he doesn't have a hood? why doesn't he just call himself... red helmet?"

"because that's fucking stupid," jordy said through his laugher, shoulder bouncing. that would have to be censored in post.

"he's fucking stupid."

that too.

the staff watched as the two of you managed to go off on this tangent that had nothing to do with the original question. one of the interns looked to the camera man, who looked equally intrigued and confused at where the conversation had gone. "do we... stop them? we're going over on time."

the camera man shrugged and the manager shook her head. "god, no. do not stop them. this is gold."

"he doesn't need a hood, y/n. it's just a name. nightwing doesn't have wings," he reminded you and you rolled your eyes, a subtle pout on your lips.

"yeah but the bird does. it's still on brand. just like batman. and robin. and red robin. and signal. and batgirl," you listed matter of factly.

"what about orphan? is she an orphan?" jordy asked you with attitude.

"probably, bitch. why else would she call herself that?" you said, the both of you riled up now, hence all the sudden cursing. you two kept it (mostly) clean up until this point. "red hood is the only one off brand."

"why are you being a hater right now?" jordy asked with lopsided grimace and you rolled your eyes. "you completely derailed the conversation."

"oh, i'm sorry. i didn't realize you were on his payroll."

"red hood doesn't need payola. he's cool by himself."

"why are you dick sucking red hood?"

"don't ever say that shit again," jordy said immediately, almost cutting you off at the end of your question.

he crossed his arms, looking annoyed as you looked into the camera with a blank expression. you were trying to fight it, but a tight lipped smile appeared on your face, making you look down and scratch the tip your nose lightly with your nail. then your ear. then back down to the side of your neck. your body shook with silent laughter when you glanced at him.

"i'm sorry," you said convincingly after having collected yourself in record time, just barely getting cut off by jordy again.

"no you're not."

"no i'm not," you shook your head, your facade dropping as quickly as it was put on. "you still haven't answered the-"

"i hope red hood shoots you," he told you seriously, giving you a blank look. your jaw dropped, a surprised noise that almost sounded like laughter came out of your mouth as you looked back at the camera. you knew that he was just playing around but it didn't change the fact that it outrageously juvenile.

it was silent. you and jordy knew this was just friendly bickering but the staff weren't too sure. you rubbed the inside of your cheek with your tongue, slowly dragging it over your teeth as you contemplated his words.

red hood wouldn't actually shoot you. right? he's a bit more morally gray from what you've heard about him but he wouldn't just shoot somebody for making a joke, would he? that seemed kind of ridiculous. overkill, if you will.

your eyes darted between jordy and the camera. back at him. then the camera. jordy again. your head jerked a little in his direction before fully turning to look at him.

"do you think he'd actually shoot me?" you asked quietly, looking at him with a smile on your face as your expressions quickly mirrored each other.

"i would," he told you and you laughed, looking at the camera again.

"mr. red hood, if you're watching his, m-my bad bro," you stuttered through yours and jordy's laughter. "i was just talking shit. please don't shoot me. i-if you don't i'll uh... i'll be your bard!"

"what the fuck?" jordy cried out, hiding his face in his hands as he laughed harder.

"i will write and sing about your adventures and conquests," you pleaded with the man who definitely wasn't going to see. you made a heart by lifting your arms up and having your fingers meet at the top of your head. it was really a waste of time in hindsight but you had to cover your bases just in case he did see it. getting shot was not on your bucket list. "please don't shoot me. seriously. i didn't meant it."

"that's all the questions we had," jordy's voice was pitchy from all the laughing. "i'm jordy."

"and i'm y/n," you smiled, doing a little dance as you stayed in your heart position before waving with jordy. "byeeee!"

...

you weren't entirely sure how long you had been standing there with the door open, letting all the cold air out of the fridge. you assumed it was too long since your nipples felt hard as rocks now, which only added a layer to how uncomfortable you felt. your stomach was touching your back at this point and that headache wasn't going anywhere. and now your nipples felt like they were going to fall off. you were pretty sure exhaustion was going to start claiming on you, too.

killing yourself seemed to be the only option and what you were thinking of doing was practically suicide. you wanted to go walk to the corner store that had the yogurt. your craving was too strong. you needed it and waiting for dex was not an option. there was nothing of substance in the fridge anyway. just drinks and snacks that weren't yours to eat.

a normal person could probably do it and not die. but you were in gotham and you were convinced that the moment you opened the door killer croc or one of the penguin's goons would be waiting for you.

taking the gun would be the smart thing to do but you didn't feel comfortable walking around with it. the feeling of cold steel against your skin was unsettling and the chance of it going off on you was even scarier. yes, you would have the safety on, but that wasn't enough to ease your mind. it felt like walking around with a bomb strapped to your chest. you didn't even wanna think about it dropping it or something while you were in the store. you were sure the ock wouldn't like that.

you grabbed your keys, slipping the wristband on. you had a little card holder and pepper spray hanging off the key ring. you also had a small switchblade for all your stabbing needs. you hadn't used it for murderous intent yet and you wanted to keep it that way.

i'll have red hood put me out of my misery, you thought morbidly to yourself. maybe jordy wishing death on you this morning was a blessing in disguise because you were progressively feeling more like shit with each passing moment.

you braced yourself for the crisp nighttime air and the dangers lurking around every corner before opening the door. it was dark, as expected. you had your hands stuffed in the pockets of your sweatpants. your right hand rested right on top of your phone carefully stashed away in the black polyester pocket.

your sense of direction was, to put it lightly, dog shit, and the pitch blackness of night wasn't helping. you had your airpods in with the gps telling you where to go. if it had a mind of its own, it would probably be judging you for needing to locate a building that was 5 minutes away. nevertheless, hearing the robo voice in your ears was oddly comforting.

the walk there wasn't that bad once you got to the area with all the traffic, illuminated with fluorescent lighting from the surrounding stores. it was the first time you felt comfortable under blinding white light.

you walked into the store quietly, beelining for the cold food section. you grabbed hot fries and sour skittles on your way over for dex, wanting to soften the blow for when you told him you left the studio by yourself. you spotted the salted caramel flavor through the condensation on the glass and you could already taste the creamy treat on your tongue. you smiled to yourself, grabbing the handle to the door when you heard the automatic door to the store open, accompanied by a chime.

"hey, man, what's going on?" you heard the voice of the cashier from behind you. you grabbed your yogurt and turned around, freezing in place when you saw who had entered.

red hood!

you could hear jordy's enthusiastic voice from this morning bounce around in your head like a pinball. the man you had been talking shit about earlier was right in front of you. jesus christ, was he there for you? how did he even find you? the video hadn't even dropped yet!

he must have felt your intense gaze burning a hole in the side of his head because he turned to face you. thankfully, you slid to the side, hiding behind the chips. he knew you were there and that you had been staring at him, even though he didn't catch you in the act. you attempting to hide yourself behind the buy two, get one free mini chip bags was slightly suspicious, but to be fair, he did just walk into a public place as red hood, so he let it go. turning back to salim, the cashier, he grabbed the bag of m&m's he had slid him.

he always paid for the things he picked out when he came to the store, but salim always gave him m&m's for free. red hood kept his store and community safe, so in salim's eyes, giving him candy that only cost a dollar anyway was nothing.

you started grabbing some other snacks, slowly weaving through the aisles as to not cause alarm to the huge man standing not to far from you. you knew he was big but fuck. he was built like a freight train. probably hit like one, too.

"anyone give you trouble tonight?" you heard a voice, his voice. it was distorted behind that mask... helmet... thing. it sounded robotic. was he actually a robot? like cyborg or something?

"nah, it's been quiet tonight," salim shook his head as the vigilante grabbed a little bag of cookies from the shelf behind him, setting it on the counter before asking for a carton of cigarettes. "i heard that jewelry store on bedford ave got hit though."

bedford avenue? your studio was on bedford avenue, tucked away from the main street. the store wasn't too far from it, either. you must have been so wrapped up in working that you didn't hear the commotion because it was definitely close enough for you to hear it.

"just came from there," the vigilante informed him, his robotic voice being both intriguing and off putting to you. he walked back over with the warm cup of liquid in his gloved hand, setting it on the counter next to the cookies.

must have just missed it then, you thought to yourself, if he just came from over there. lucky me.

"you alright, honey?" salim called out to you with familiar affection. he always treated everyone who came to his store with respect and like family. he was always very sweet to you and he felt a sense of pride knowing that he had both celebrities and vigilantes frequenting his store.

"don't tell me you're trying to rob me," he added on at the end, getting the attention of red hood. he wasn't sure if salim was being serious or not. it would confirm his suspicions about your weird behavior from earlier. it would be kind of ballsy to try something while he was standing there, though.

"uh... yeah. this is a stick up. give me everything you got," you said lamely, standing on your toes to peek at him over the shelf.

salim's rich laughter filled the store and he shook his head. "just checking," he said before redirecting his attention to red hood, who loosened up when he realized it was just banter between friends.

you realized the longer you spent in the store, the later it would get. you waddled your way over to the counter with your snacks in your arms a comfortable distance away from red hood, who set cash on the counter. he looked over at you again, making you shrink under his gaze. he was essentially faceless, which was a little unsettling, to say the least. he turned away, grabbing his things and moving out of your way.

you put all of your snacks on the counter, trying to ignore the man's presence. he wasn't doing anything but being intimidating.

"you here by yourself, honey?" concern laced salim's words as he rung up your snacks. "it's a little late, isn't it?"

"oh, uh, yeah," you nodded, pulling your card out to pay. "everyone else is at a party in maywood."

as red hood was walking out, his brow furrowed when he heard what you were talking about. maywood was where all the big social events took place. he had been out there a few times with bruce. not anyone could go to a party out there so...

"ah, one of those celebrity parties you all go to, huh?" salim grinned, giving you your bag of goodies. he still felt unsure about you being by yourself, though. "hey, red! you should walk her back home."

he was almost out the door when he heard salim call out to him. he turned, looking at the both of you. you felt awkward looking at him and you quickly shook your head.

"no, no, it's fine. the studio isn't far," you told him and salim firmly shook his head in protest.

"it's late. you shouldn't have even walked here to begin with," he scolded you a little. it was just out of concern, of course. "she's a big time celebrity, you know."

you frowned at salim's description of you. not being able to read red hood's expressions to gauge how he felt about this whole thing was frustrating, too. he was probably glaring daggers at you.

"i can take you," the robotic voice said. normally he wouldn't be escorting civilians around but he was done for the night and if you really weren't that far, it wouldn't kill him to walk you back to wherever you were headed. he was in a good mood, even if it didn't appear that way.

"see? let the man take you back," salim pushed and you complied, giving him a little nod. "you two stay safe out there! i don't need my favorite customers getting hurt."

you waved goodbye to salim, turning to see that red hood had already started walking off. you quickly shuffled your way out to follow behind him.

"where are we going?" he asked, not even giving you a glance as you both stood on the sidewalk.

"bedford," you said quietly and he turned to face you, his look of disbelief hidden under the mask. why the hell would you leave? you had to have left while the heist was still going on. no wonder salim asked him to take you home. clearly you had a death wish.

"lead the way," he said to you, trailing behind you as you listened to the gps tell you where to go. you hoped he didn't have supersonic hearing or something, because needing to use the gps was still kind of embarrassing.

you two walked in silence, the sound of your plastic bags and the ambient city noises being the only sounds ringing in your ears. you felt a little safer having red hood as your temporary bodyguard but you'd rather risk dying to avoid the awkward silence.

"so big time celebrity," red hood spoke up, startling you a little. you almost thought it was the gps talking to you. "what do you do?"

he knew you were feeling awkward and probably afraid walking with him. he wasn't trying to scare you, though. he figured talking to you would ease the tension a little.

"oh, uh... music," you said simply.

what a dry response. were you expecting him to carry the whole conversation? because he wasn't.

"why are you out here and not in maywood?" he asked, carrying the conversation anyway.

"the studio is here so i'm here."

"so you're working?"

"yeah."

you were not fun to talk to. he wasn't going to hold it against you though. he himself probably didn't come off as a guy who wanted to talk.

"do you shoot just anyone?" you asked suddenly.

well that was one hell of an icebreaker. did he just shoot anyone? where the hell did that come from? were you that afraid of him?

"no," he said, hoping you couldn't hear his smile in his words. it was such an odd question to ask. "why? you think i'm gonna shoot you or something?"

"are you?" you asked panicked, whipping around to face him.

he put his hands up in mock surrender, letting out a laugh this time. "relax. you haven't given me a reason to want to shoot you. or have you?"

"i hope not," you said honestly, turning back around to continue walking.

"i'm not going to shoot some innocent girl, let alone a famous one. it's a bad look," he explained to you, hoping the humor behind his voice would make you relax a little.

"why don't you wear a hood?" your line of questioning continued. "you're red hood but you don't wear a hood."

"why do you keep asking ridiculous questions?" he asked rhetorically before answering your question anyway. "a hood doesn't protect the face."

well, that made sense, actually. it looked like that helmet thing he wore was made of metal or something. much better protection than cotton. it was still off brand but you could respect it.

"what the hell are you wearing?" the man had exclaimed suddenly, making you furrow your brows and look back at him. his gaze was down at your feet. "how did i not notice those before?"

"clearly that stupid helmet obstructs your vision," you pouted, looking down at the cute bunnies that sat on the strip of your pink slides. "they're my slides."

"they're hideous," he told you seriously and you scoffed.

what an asshole. how dare he insult your babies like that? they were minding their fucking business, chilling on your feet. they didn't asked to be attacked like this.

"you're hideous," you retorted childishly. "my bunnies are cute, thank you very much."

"how am i hideous? you can't even see me," he reminded you, tapping on his helmet.

"your outfit is hideous. you look like... i don't know. ugly. your face is probably ugly, too," you huffed, crossing your arms.

you wished you could go back in time and not apologize for insulting him earlier. he deserved it.

"you wound me," he said sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart. "how will i recover?"

"give me your gun and let's find out," you said, holding out your hand jokingly before getting it swatted away by his.

okay, fine. he wasn't that bad. you were actually kind of enjoying the conversation and so was he.

"arrived," you heard in your ears, looking up and seeing the studio right before your eyes.

you had been so wrapped up in bantering with him that you forgot what you were doing in the first place: going back to the studio. you almost felt disappointed that you were about to go your separate ways. you had just gotten comfortable.

"this is the place," you said, gesturing up to the building. "thank you for walking me here."

"try to keep your late night excursions to a minimum."

and with that, he used his grappling hook and disappeared into the shadows of the night. creepy. kinda cool but mostly creepy.

you walked around back to the side door, letting yourself back into the studio and locking up immediately afterwards. another successful snack run. now all you had to do was wait for dex to get back.

...

it had been about two weeks since your encounter with the vigilante. jason had long forgotten about it. he had been at the manor, lingering around after a meeting in the cave with bruce and his brothers. he didn't like sticking around once business was taken care of but alfred offered to make him chili dogs. it was a calculated move to get him to stick around and it worked.

tim was lounging on the arm chair while dick and damian were both seated on the couch. jason stood off to the side, directing his attention to the television that sat above the fireplace. tim had been watching youtube videos all day and stumbled across a gotham insider q&a that had a clickbait-y title about vigilantes. naturally, he was intrigued and wanted to watch it with the rest of them.

"what am i looking at?" he asked, taking a bite of his chili dog.

"something hilarious. i've been waiting to show you guys all day," tim explained, grabbing the remote.

"i hope this isn't something juvenile, drake," damian chimed, resting his body against the arm of the couch.

"or gross," dick co-signed with a grimace. "we just ate."

"just shut up and watch," he sighed, unpausing the video.

jason felt a little tingle in the back of his mind at your face was on the screen. you looked familiar. he silently watched as you and jordy discussed your feelings about vigilantes. dick snorted when he heard your comment about nightwing. tim began to snicker in anticipating for the main event: the red hood argument.

as jason watched, everything made sense. you were that weird girl he walked home. that was why you asked him those stupid questions. he was a little annoyed at you calling him stupid and off brand but he had to admit the segment was funny. especially the part at the end where you were begging him not to shoot you. you seemed so much more relaxed and naturally funny than you did when he was with you that night. it almost gave him whiplash.

"you should shoot her. for good measure," damian told jason once the clip ended, making the older boy roll his eyes.

"nah. i can't shoot my bard," he smiled, making dick smile too. he had expected jason to be all grumpy about getting talked about but he seemed to be taking it fairly well. tim was kinda disappointed that jason didn't seem more bothered by it. he wanted to tease him a little.

"i think red hood payola is probably the funniest thing i've heard in awhile," dick said, laughing along with tim. even damian cracked a little smile.

jason walked back to the kitchen, recalling that night he ran into you now that he had seen the video, finally understanding why you were acting so strange.

his bard, huh? cute...

[formless-monkeys]

What is your favorite relationship(s) in the show (romantically or platonically, doesn’t matter!)

Anon you will regret opening pandora’s box. Or not. In any case, this post is going to be very long because I’m full of love. Also, anything marked romantic does not need to be romantic for me to lose my shit over them. In no particular order, either. Just in the order I thought of them.

1. The Black-eyed trio

Characters: Otto, Sparx, and Gibson.

Type: Platonic, Romantic,

Explanation: These three are grouped together by virtue of not being obscenely powerful and serving more practical uses on the team. Also, their eyes are all the same color. Besides the poetic connections of the colors of their design, they were alone in the robot together while the other three monkeys were out training.

Sparx and Gibson’s interactions give me life, going from playful jabs to genuine fighting right back to ride-or-die is amazing. The beginning of Night Of Fear, the battles in Brothers In Arms, and a bunch of small moments throughout the series are wonderful for this.

I could write an essay about Otto and Gibson, and someone else already has, but I’ll summarize it as ADHD autism solidarity with a side of Shut The Fuck Up Gibson. They care about each other and learn to respect each other in a way that’s better for both of them. I know a real-life Gibson to my Otto and learning that she’s just pretentious and doesn’t really hate anyone, and figuring out that we’re both equally brilliant and incredibly similar has made life a million times better.

Otto and Sparx don’t have as much development as Gibson with both of them, but their jokes together and general trust is amazing. Sparx is the dumb monkey and Otto supports him in his himbo endeavors. 

These three together make an unstoppable technical team, and the only reason they probably couldn’t be a superhero team on their own is because of the raw power and fun dynamics brought by the other half of the team. 

Romantically, these three would make the DUMBEST polycule ever. There is no true mediator here. It’s three dumbasses figuring out how they could possibly share a twin-sized bed when they have the ability to just make a bigger bed. Gibson calculates the most efficient 3 monkey makeout and none of them follow the statistics. They all give Chiro equally useless and conflicting advice on homework. Trying to give them a mediator in the polycule just makes me go back to shipping polymonkeys because I literally can’t decide if Antauri or Nova go better with them.

2. Quiet trust and encouragement

Characters: Otto, Antauri

Type: Platonic, Romantic

Explanation: When Otto is being dismissed by the other monkeys, or by the show itself, Antauri is usually the first to say “that’s bullshit, Otto is wonderful”. Circus Of Ooze is a notable example, but there are little moments in other seasons as well. 

I just love the idea of the historically MOST SERIOUS and strongest monkey, sometimes even elevated to god-like status by some fanworks... paired with the monkey that has been infantilized and disrespected to no end. I personally like making Antauri have to lean on Otto, just to subvert that even further. 

Beyond spite, I ship this simply because I like their dynamic. Antauri needs someone to ground him with more tactile physical things, and Otto needs someone to share his more nebulous thoughts I can’t imagine the others listening to. I love them.

Also, I want Antauri to unlock his true dumbass potential. He has the abilities, but not the will. Be silly with Otto. I want to hear him snort-laugh.

I literally forgot all the silver monkey stuff but I got three fics about that you know I go nuts over mechanic x robot shit.

3. The monkeys and their human son.

Characters: Chiro, Antauri, Nova, Sparx, Gibson, Otto

Type: Familial

Explanation: This family gives me joy. They were forced together through astronomical means and they made the best of it. 

Everyone living in the robot is absolutely fucked up. They help each other in the darkest of times. They lift each other up when it’s light. They are a perfect team and nobody can be missing without it feeling wrong. But they can add people!

“Girl Trouble” as a concept is AMAZING to me but my secondhand embarrassment is so strong that I hate the episode. But never once is any of the monkeys resentful of Chiro. Not even Mandarin is like “wow I wish he didn’t take my place” no he’s also struck with the urge to nurture this kid to his fullest potential. Whether you see the team as a bunch of older siblings or 4 dads and a mom doesn’t really matter, they’re a family.

I mean, this also has a sprinkling of shipping all the monkeys in a really domestic way because I like seeing my optimal future in characters I like, but like literally all of these, it doesn’t need to be romantic for me to go nuts. I just think it would be fun to throw just a big monkey wedding or whatever. And funnier for Antauri to go “Chiro I’m having a baby. The baby is you” and holding up adoption papers because on the principle of Toby “Radiation” Fox I love that joke, especially when made much less weird than the original context.

I have a set of characters who is just 5 people in a polycule raising kids and living life because I really love this concept as a family.

4. Evil Coworkers

Characters: Mandarin, Sakko

Type: Romantic, Platonic,

Explanation: Why the hell are these two, in particular, working together? SK could’ve put Mandarin with literally anybody else and he chose what on the surface appears to be the LEAST compatible person on the account that they’re both monkeys. Some bitter asshole who now looks like the epitome of toxic masculinity and this tiny pink pet who used his femininity both as an advantage and a style. They’re different but it ends up working really well for both of them because they’re different in ways that cover each other’s bases. It’s wonderful. Pink and Orange go well together. Green and Purple go well together. Mandarin and Sakko go well together. Also, they clearly trust each other. During almost the entirety of “Hidden Fortress” Sakko was presumably just chilling inside of Mandarin’s armor. Mandarin trusted him enough to have Sakko in a place where he’s able to mess with his cybernetics, and Sakko trusted Mandarin enough to go into the battlefield with him and probably get tossed around.

If they were both human and in a more modern media, then they would definitely be shipped in the straightest way you can get without actually being straight. The Straightest Gay Ship. 

5. A Witch and her Accidental Evil Coworker

Characters: Skelemandarin, Valeena.

Type: Platonic, Romantic, 

Explanation: These two have been through some shit. Skelemandy was made to serve Skeleton King only to have that purpose yanked away from him. Valeena was groomed to idolize and serve Skeleton King for nearly her entire life. They were forced together by SHEER CHANCE and they both hated it. Arguably they both died at some point. 

They both have absolutely NOBODY they can trust so let’s make them trust each other. All hilarity and sweetness comes from that. 

Their dynamic is so good that I have them on a blog for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FANDOM and people love them with no context. 

This is the only cross-species ship I have (besides chinmay and the antauri ships but that doesn’t count), but the fact that Skelemandy isn’t actually a monkey and needs no cybernetic assistance to be human-level sentient makes it a lot less weird. Just put them on equal ground power-wise (like by nerfing Valeena’s magic) and you have the ingredients for bonding. 

They have like, no cute moments in canon, but that’s why we have fics and art. They have potential. I want them to help each other figure out who they are without their purpose. I want them to survive this horrible life together. I want them to figure out how to trust again. I want a lot but Valeena is fucking dead.

But she doesn’t have to be.

(Also Valeena is REALLY HOT and Skelemandarin is just me as a monkey)

6. Gay Dads

Characters: The Alchemist, Captain Shuggazoom

Type: Romantic, Platonic

Explanation: Oh my stars. Oh null. Oh me oh my hhougfhfakjghf. These two have the angst of Mantauri but on crack. 

They only appeared in about two episodes each and all three episodes are top tier. They call each other “Friend” multiple times in their shared episode. THEY’RE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! The face Al makes when he realizes that Cap is visiting makes me really happy. The fact that Cap had this whole Batman Double Life thing and he shows the Alchemist BOTH OF THEM is amazing. The alchemist is a hermit living in the woods and he lets Cap into that life. 

There isn’t a lot shown, much less than everything else here. But that makes every single fanfic so much richer since they’re almost completely based on headcanons. Friends who have a mutual crush on each other but are No Homo about it? Secret boyfriends? Husbands with 6 monkey kids? An Old man and a grumpy Skeleton making it work? Literally just platonic friends? Dude, you can do whatever you want. 

The tragedy of these two losing each other to one big horrible event crushes me. It influences my every move in my creative work. I have an entire character dedicated to reuniting these two in the most astronomical and ridiculous way possible because the alchemist angered the gods but she thinks he needs some company in his eternal punishment.

I want Clayton to unlock Al’s less serious, more fun side. I want them to work together. I want them to hold hands. GHGHGHDFBG UTTHTYE CNAZSNT EBCV ASUA ER

7. The girl power duo

Characters: Nova, Jinmay

Type: Familial

Explanation: These two were my only comfort during the uncomfortable nightmare that is “The Hills Have Five”

Nova was the one who trained Jinmay, and it seems like they hang out a lot offscreen in season 4. They fulfill the early 2000′s cartoon archetypes of girl and Girl, so they’re supposed to get along. If they didn’t I probably wouldn’t like Jinmay.

Nova is a really good big sister/parental figure to Jinmay, who never had any family to speak of. 

Anyway, this entry has to be shorter because most of their bonding is in “The Hills Have Five” which is either #1 or #2 in my least favorite episode list. Not because it’s bad, but because it makes me viscerally uncomfortable. I really wish literally any other character than Jinmay was in her role in that episode. Or that the “taken to an offscreen area by an adult man while she screams” just wasn’t there. SHE’S 13!!! Nova did literally all she could to help. 

I really like that scene in questionable where Valeena kills almost the entire gang. It’s what they deserve.

Look I just really like Jinmay and I always have. She deserves a good Mom.

8. "My Second In Command”

Characters: Antauri, Mandarin

Type: Theoretical

Explanation: The fandom has really made this ship go from “literally nothing to stand on” to “integral plot point in a lot of fics”. Seriously. I have TWO screenshots that vaguely imply these two ever stood next to each other on the battlefield. This was entirely title-based and fan-made until ProjectAfectivity interviewed Ciro. Yeah he knows Antauri but only as well as the rest of the team. Anyway. Wow. This ship.

This is by far the worst breakup in history. These two, despite what Antauri says, were on equal ground at some point. According to Ciro (and fan speculation), they trained together. This (and other Mandy ship) changes wildly depending on if you think Mandarin was corrupted by the portal or not. Maybe Mandarin was once a kind leader who just crossed the wrong boundaries and paid for it. He could’ve held Antauri gently before battle. He could’ve been the monkey Antauri went to when he needed someone to talk to. He could’ve hyped the team up like Chiro does.

Or maybe, they were constantly fighting against each other in small ways. An incredibly unhealthy relationship, yes, but an interesting story. I like stories where Antauri isn’t this all-knowing pillar of stability. He’s got weaknesses. One of them may have been Mandarin.

Now that’s a good nickname from one to the other.

Imagine Antauri, in a moment of complete trust, declaring Mandarin his weakness. A sweet sentiment. They both know the other is incredibly strong, and trust that the other would never take advantage of that connection. They love each other. Until...

9. "My Closest Ally”

Characters: Otto, Mandarin

Type: Theoretical

Explanation: Okay I'm looking at the screenshot I put for this entry while also having watched Evil Ages recently. My brain is making uncomfortable connections. Combine that with the fandom and the show’s general treatment of Otto and I’m about to slam my head into a wall. I really do not like that, but I feel like there’s somebody out there who does. 

Anyway, this is Gibotto and Ottauri but with all the spice that shipping Mandarin with one of the other monkeys brings. When done well, it’s all the respecting Otto that comes with Ottauri and all the intimate partnership of Gibotto. And the Angst of Mantauri, but a lot more grounded. 

It paints a lot of stories. A story of a single point of comfort in a world Mandarin thinks is out to get him. A story of powerful validation from the one authority in Otto’s life. Of letting your guard down. Of trust, then breaking that trust.

I’d LOVE to see some things with Mandottotauri because that’s epic and cool and poggers. Don’t see a lot, though.

10.The Hets, I guess.

Characters: Jinmay, Chiro. 

Type: Romantic. Platonic. Canon.

Explanation: Look two entries on this list are polyamorous and four of them are mandarin so I have to say SOMETHING for the heteroes following me. Picked this ship over Spova because when I was a young child still suffering from comphet, I never watched the last episode of the show. I only saw up to season 3 at the most. This was the only canon ship for me. And out of all the ships, it’s the most relatable. I’m currently a teenager with black hair who looks really good in eyeliner dating a girl with pink hair who can pick me up and is unbelievably sweet. Except we’re gay and polyam. Wait a second I totally had a crush on Jinmay as a kid and now my gf is the Jinmay in this situation. Oh my god I was going to make this comparison if I did Spova too and I liked Nova.

ANYWAY

These are two LONELY kids. Chiro had bullies during school, and now he doesn’t even go to school. Jinmay hasn’t really had friends at all. Two kids with places in their universe that they aren’t too sure about, and just need someone to lean on. Their date was cute. They instantly bonded over their love of monkeys and I love that. 

The super robot is sometimes an analog for Chiro, in the first two season at least, and the way the super robot held Jinmay’s hands to keep her steady on the COB while her head flew in was SO SWEET. Chiro’s instant recognition and reaction to Jinmay’s head being thrown at the team, as well. He really loves her.

I think it’d be interesting if she didn’t love him back, though. I might take a stab at writing that.

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

[just-strolling-by]

Was debating on whether or not I wanted to post this but I decided "eh, why not." Here's my designs for the Origin SMP. Will I make one for Charlie and Schlatt? Probably not.

Some Design Notes/Character "Headcanons":

Wilbur Soot:

- Didn't know how to make him look obviously transparent so go along with it

- (Was actually considering to make a background for all of them because of this but I got lazy)

- Should have made him float higher but didn't have enough room on my page

Nihachu:

- I forgot to put it but their's supposed to be fins on her arms

- I gave her legs cause technically she CAN go on water but she'll suffocate

- Gills are either covered by hair on neck or behind those fin-things on her head

- Blue pupils to symbolize "Wet Eyes"!

TommyInnit:

- The first clothing design I did. I really liked the idea of Avians having their wings gradually form to their arms because over time they didn't need to fly anymore

- (but you also can't really see it since his arms are covered with his clothes )

- ((no, those are NOT his "wings" I just drew it like that and I am now experiencing regret))

- Out of everyone, I feel like his is the one that's the most heavily based on his skin

- FUCK I FORGOT TO PUT THE SCRITCHY-SCRATCHY THINGS ON HIS PANTS

- Oh well

- Instead of flying they would use their strong feet to travel at mountains.

- (Also I was trying to find a "mountain chicken" type bird that lives in high places but I discovered a "mountain chicken" is a type of endangered frog. Also I think quails suits Avians??)

- I think when one first hears about Avians they'll think about like these peaceful, graceful species, like akin to elves, and the person who chose this role is Tommy of all people and I find that funny and really interesting. Like, imagine a young (and loud and brash) Avian who left the mountain because he didn't agree with the traditional ways and wanted to explore the world. Also he really wants to fly. Could be a really interesting story.

Tubbo:

- Oh God, wHERE DO I START????

- Smallest one there for obvious reasons

- Tubbo's and Jack's designs were the trickiest ones for me. Because Tubbo's main color is green it clashes with purple quite a lot.

- Added purple splotches cause the description said "protected shell-like skin" but that (along with the green cell-shading) made him look sort of sickly. Also without the gloves his hands are completely purple.

- When I colored the pants I did what any good mom would do and try to add as much green as possible. The inside of the shulker is yellow so I made it to a greenish-yellow.

- (also, because the weird robe thing I did had the pattern of a shulker box I thought it was clever to "hide" the color inside it, like the actual mob)

- Hands are shaped like that because he can't hold a shield and I think its easier to mine stone like that.

- His outfit sort of resembles a guard's uniform because there is always one shulker guarding the treasure room.

- Backpack has no straps cause it really isn't a "backpack" but an actual box stuck on his back

- Thought about basing the shulker parts on the green shulker box for a smoother transition but I thought against it since I felt like it would go against the purple-scheme of the End. Oh well.

Philza:

- The first time I ever saw an elytra in Minecraft the first thing I thought of was "insect"

- Because Elytras are from the End (a mysterious place) I make it like a magic "cape" he was born with that can turn into "cape wings" (there was this one design I saw of his wings and I think that perfectly represents what I had in mind)

- Originally thought "Would it be fine just to give him his original skin?" but I thought it was too easy so I come up with him being some sort of "treasurer" since Elytras are found in the treasure room (don't quote me on that I have not played Minecraft in years)

- I think it'll be cool if every Elytrian has a Shulk to protect them since the Elytrians are with the treasure they're probably some kind of trusted nobility so they need a guard to help them. May this guard be Tubbo is up to debate.

Jack Manifold:

- The second hardest one to design.

- Because his color scheme has a lot of blue I didn't know what to add and remove to match with the blaze (no pun intended) of the Nether.

- First thought is to replace his camo pants to a nether-camo pants. I dropped the stripes cause I didn't know what to do with them and instead gave him a gradient.

- Arms are disjointed and (don't know if you can see) his head is floating akin to a blaze.

- I gave him golden kneecaps cause... Nether

- His shoes/head is bright cause of fire(?) I headcanon that blazes have an innate fire/heat system so I carried that over to the Blazeborns

Ranboo:

- Noble that snuck away from the End to visit the Overworld!!

- When I first read the description for the Enderian the first thing I thought was of princes, princesses and nobility, with the Ender Dragon of course being the tyrannical ruler of the End.

- (plus, his skin has a liTERAL CROWN)

- I gave him a traveller's cloak and some noble-ish clothes underneath to emphasize on that "noble snuck out to explore the world" sort of vibe.

- It's sort of hidden by the hair but there is a crown underneath it. There was originally jewels there but I decided against it

- His arms are longer and I was supposed to make him taller (despite him already being the tallest person in the server) but I did not have enough room. Also he was originally not gonna have a mouth but I gave it to him anyways.

[chaoslordjoe]

RWBY - Do I Ship It #2? Ruby Rose

I’ve decided to continue this whole shebang with going over ships for individual characters each time. And for this one, we’re looking at our favorite cooking-deepthroating reaper, Ruby Rose...That may be one of my favorite character descriptions I’ve ever typed.

With introductions outta the way, let’s talk some Ruby ships.

White Rose

kinda leaves me indifferent?

overrated

would read a fic about it

Ideally, White Rose has become one of those ships that half of the FNDM loves to hate. But me, I’m not as triggered by it, let alone nowhere near as angered by it’s presence simply because it’s not Bumbleby.

Unlike BB, in which it’s presence makes me wanna slug my screen every time I see a comment thread screeching high praise about it, I can look at White Rose and just be more like: “Eh. It’s okay.” Simply because I have seen WR content that I enjoy, and that at least many WR shippers know when to shut up when they’re called out unlike Wasps.

Really, a lot of the content has a lot heart put into it to where I really can’t get mad at it. I know it’s a WLW ship. I know that’s become a thing to generally hate among RWBY fans. But I do think that WR is the lesser of two evils between that and BB not because I have a lot of friends who ship it, but because I think folks crap on it way too much compared to the demon that BB has become.

Am I saying there aren’t toxic WR fans still around? Hell no. They need to be called out on it, too. But I’m also generally more relaxed about the ship. Nothing major really.

Ladybug

I SHIP IT

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

underrated

hELL YES

Ladybug has become a recent addition to my ship list a while back. But I’ve fallen head over heels for it in such a short amount of time.

Even many folks I’ve spoken to who tend to gag at the mention of WLW ships in a fandom as egregious as RWBY’s agree that the Bugs are really harmless given soft the content of this ship often is. I’m not saying that Ladybug is all “wee-hee-we’re-a-couple-of-happy-go-lucky-dorks” because that would make it unoriginal and boring to read in many cases.

No, the reason I’ve grown to adore Ladybug so much is because I’m one of those who parrots how much of a missed opportunity (like the show is as a frigging whole) how many interactions there could be between Ruby and Blake.

Why wouldn’t they? They’re both into fantasy stories, both have darkened color schemes, and share some general views on why they fight. Really, Ladybug is just a good way for me to fill the void of just how much Rooster Teeth doesn’t give a fuck about how to organize their characters properly?

Volume 5 gets Freezerburn, and not onwards? Come on, RT.

But before I end up turning this into a rwde post, let’s just move onto the next ship.

Nuts & Dolts

I SHIP IT

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

Soulmates

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY

Yeah this one was pretty obvious. But who cares?! I frigging adore Nuts & Dolts.

Let me just be clear in saying that I can ship it platonically/romantically, simply because I love the bond that Ruby and Penny share. They’re both hyperactive, kindhearted and strong-willed girls with a penchant for bladed weaponry and wanting to make the world a better place for everyone.

This initially made N&D into a guilty pleasure ship for me. But over time, I just couldn’t resist or get mad at it because I love how soft it feels. Same reason as Ladybug for the most part. But overall, I like N&D because of just how much soul there is between two people who were born differently with a set of powers that aren’t what you’d call “ordinary”.

As someone who’s been called “unique” or other labels with the disability I have, I usually find it very pretentious and downright grating to see stories that are supposed to be uplifting about being born in a different manner because that can be really damn annoying after a while.

Yeah, stuff like disability or other stuff is under-represented in pop culture. But often it’s portrayed in a very “Hollywood” fashion even if it’s not a work from that culture and work mindset.

I’m not saying N&D is one of those “unique” portrayals, but as something that shows what happens when two saviors who wanted a normal life have someone in each other that they can trust and even love for their shared experiences of being born differently.

Which is why I’ve grown to accept Ruby and Penny as the popular fan portrayal of being girlfriends or platonic friends. They have so much in common, which makes it that much more endearing for me personally.

Okay. Those are some Ruby/Other girl ships outta the way. Now let’s discuss some Ruby/guy ships...Here’s where it gets a little odd.

Lancaster

BROTP

overrated

no thanks

Oh boy. I’m probably gonna get some flak for this entry...

Let me just be clear that this is a post that is NOT meant to attack any particular shippers. This is me stating what I feel about certain ships and me occasionally talking about how I think they would turn out. 

It’s not my headcanon interpretations, per se. But instead it’s more how I picture it based on my experience with viewing relationships in my own life before I started discussing fandom ships.

Now that I have that out of the way, let’s discuss Ruby/Jaune.

When I first started watching RWBY, my first ship, like many others was Arkos (more on that when I cover Jaune). I felt that Pyrrha was just the right fit for a lovable dweeb like him with how it helped kick-start his character development and the framework for how he would improve himself overall.

Granted, I wasn’t really expecting Arkos to be canon since Pyrrha had died in V3. It was a tragic outcome for a ship that had so much buildup. And most of the FNDM agreed that Jaune needed a hug along with his friends to help him through it.

When I started to hear about the fact that Jaune was shipped with other girls in the main cast, I wasn’t really shocked since White Knight was already fairly popular. But when I found out about Lancaster, it was like: “Wait a second, people actually ship him with Ruby?”

Was more confusion than astonishment, to be honest. I didn’t really think that it would’ve been fitting despite how close and similar both team leaders were. But I decided to bite the bullet and give it a try with reading a couple of Lancaster works.

I got bored.

I’m not so much angry whenever I hear about Lancaster as I am just not impressed by how much fanon works recycle many tropes and plot elements.

Ruby is secretly in love with Jaune.

Jaune does something adorkable or manly which attracts Ruby.

Ruby makes/attempts to make a move on him with some crazy or titillating way that, while in-character for her, has been repeated one times too many in this or other ships featuring her.

Jaune is generally being a good boi throughout. I like Jaune, but I feel that he’s put in too many fanfics in which he’s overly good and pure. Again. It’s fitting for him, but sometimes a bit of difference in fan interpretation is nice. Make him angry, have him lash out at his friends at times. Just don’t make him a “perfect” boyfriend.

Both dorks often have to hide their relationship because of the possibility of Pyrrha being jealous, Yang going apeshit, or other characters reacting the way they do which is often buzzwords in a fic like that.

Lancaster shippers, I am not attacking you since this is your thing. If so, fine. But it’s not mine as I am giving an attempt to give constructive criticism about some of the ships listed here while talking about ships I like to make these posts all about even ground.

I prefer to see Ruby and Jaune as besties. Hell. I prefer to see them more like siblings considering how much Jaune acted like a big brother to Ruby on the road to Mistral with how Yang was bedridden with depression in V4. I also think that Jaune needs a friend right now rather than a love interest. The same could be said for a lot of characters right now, but that’s a different topic.

My biggest criticism for LC is that while I understand the similarities that they share, it’s the whole “opposite-gender-leads-fall-in-love” trope. This trope can be done right *coughRENORAcough* but is put in so many works that I’m not one of those fans who’s impressed with it.

The ship isn’t original, but it’s nothing to make me wanna rage-post like I’m Keemstar on Red Bull or the like. And I know people who are into it, to which I tell them: Good for all of you. It’s simply not my cup of tea.

Rosegarden

would read a fic about it

meh

not really my thing

Oh god, how I wish it wasn’t harvest season!

Kidding. Kidding. Rosegarden is legit, and all my friends in the group who ship it are wonderful people.

Another ship that I can’t really get angry at since compared to other ships that cover things like young love or ships of people who were born differently (see my Nuts & Dolts entry), RG is pretty fucking harmless and I can tolerate it more even though I’m not into it.

While I understand why it seems hypocritical of me to share and repost stuff related to RG on occasion, this is simply because I have reason to share it based on how much I’ve interacted with shippers and how I’ve actually had productive discussions with them outside of their ship.

It’s the community which I like more than the ship because of how much more chill they are. But there’s also a big reason why I know that some people crap on this one.

Ozpin.

Dude, if I had a Dollar for every “RG-is-pedophilia-because-Oscar-is-Ozpin’s-puppet” fallacy that was posted I wouldn’t be needing a stimulus check. Let me explain to y’all why that’s bullshit.

(RWDE mode online)

Is Ozpin eons of years old? Yes. He’s from Humanity 1.0 and was thrown into the bodies of men in the modern world in his war against Salem. It’s a rough situation with a lot of baggage to any relationship he puts up or wishes to even build-up and I don’t think it should be swept under the rug because there’s a lot of stuff that should be brought up about the guy.

Is Ozpin intervening on any potential interaction between Ruby and Oscar? No. Canon or no, Oz has been a neutral party in whatever interactions the two kids have because it’s not really his business. Do you honestly believe that if Ozpin would be the kind to boss his host around that he would attempt to butt in on their friendship?

As an Oz critic, I can say that while I understand both interactions, I draw the line at this ship being considered pedophilia.

I mean, come on! The FNDM ships Ruby with villains like Roman, Cinder and Salem, who are adults when she’s a teenager! And suddenly it’s okay to claim pedophilia just because Ozpin is present?! ARE YOU HIGH?

If we’re going with that logic, fine, just have Ozpin ascend from his brain after Salem is 86′d, THEN we can have a development in RG’s friendship whether it’s romantic or not. But leave the fans of this pairing out of it!

(RWDE mode offline)

The reason I don’t ship Rosegarden is because I’m not a fan of the whole “young love” trope either. I wouldn’t mind it so much if Oscar wasn’t relegated to a support role due to being an Oz host and he had more screen time rather than the old wizard.

Maybe I’m just too cynical about stuff like this to really care. But the point is, I can’t get mad at this ship either and I’m willing to read up on it in small doses.

Strawbana

I ship it

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

the sexiest pair

we need more of it

underrated

Sun Wukong, you magnificent monkey bastard! You always seem to brighten my day whenever I’m looking through critical discussions related to this show.

Much as I love BlackSun, I’m definietly curious to learn more about other ships involving my homeboy here. Solar Flare, I also like. But Sun/Ruby? Thank you sir, may I have another!

Ugh. Can’t believe I just quoted Animal House to describe my love for this painfully underrated ship. Somebody get me some soap...

Other than their VAs being married in real life, I like Strawbana/Red Sun the same reason as Nuts & Dolts with this being a ship that features two extremely upbeat characters finding love in one another with just how much they kick ass for the reasons of just being good people.

Kinda/sorta the only straight Ruby ship I’m into just because of how much they could rub off on one another, and how much I’d love to see them interact more in canon material. Not just the show but any other tie-in stuff.

Next time, we cover Weissu.

[ayatosama]

the fueguchi files

chapter: one

pairing: ayahina

chapter word count: 1321

total word count: 1321

summary: Hinami Fueguchi is a celebrated detective working directly under Eto Yoshimura, one of the most prolific detectives of their generation. The only thing standing in her way from reaching her goal is her own human limitations. Enter Ayato Kirishima, a young cop looking to make detective. He’s placed under Hinami’s guidance in order to get his detective shield and ease Hinami’s work load. The two start off as polar opposites, sun and moon. But something begins to work between them, bringing Hinami closer to that one thing she can’t seem to reach. That one case that eludes her. 

based on this headcanon by @takatsukkis

Coffee. That’s what Hinami needed right now. Despite having solved a case just mere hours ago another one had landed on her desk.

“You’re the best Hina” her superior said as he dropped the very thin file onto her desk. The size of the file told her enough about the case.

Maybe she’d need some espresso in her coffee. The coffee machine was a very old model and the lines of coffee made in the past still clung to the glass pot. Like rings of tree telling you how long it’s been alive. Telling Hinami how many tired detectives had clung to this pot for some semblance of sanity. She was just another ring in this pot.

“Hina, what a great solve” Eto, her captain, pulls her in for a hug. Eto always smelled like cigarettes and lilacs. Hinami found it soothing.

“Thanks captain.”

“Listen, I know you’ve been working so hard —.”

Hinami cuts in not desiring to hear how she needs a break: “Captain, I’m totally fine.”

“I’m not taking you off the case” She says with a laugh. Eto laughed like she was the only one in the world in on a joke. Everything about Eto seemed secretive and out in the open at the same time.

“Well you sound like every other person in this office who thinks I need a break.” Hinami let out a breath. She had heard from other higher ranking detectives that she needed to slow down. But she couldnt...not just yet...not till —

“Oh I think you do, but that’s not what I was gonna tell you”

“Oh?”

“We’re transferring in a rookie to work under you, and mostly assist you.”

“Why?”

“Well he wants to be detective so think of it like training.”

“Isn’t that more work?”

“He’s mostly here to follow you around and do the monotonous stuff you don’t have time for.”

“Captain… I don’t —”

“Your hand is shaking from the copious amount of caffeine pumping through you.” She points out. Hinami hadn’t even realized her hand was trembling. So maybe she did need some help.

“I guess, we’ll will he be here in enough time for the case I just got?”

She nods, “he should be here in the hour.”

Hinami smiles as she watches Eto walk away into her office. But the smile falls flat. Her muscles too tired to even keep a smile on her face. Maybe...maybe a quick nap while she waits for the rookie to get here.

Yeah. Then a fresh start after with some much needed help.

—

Detective Hinami Fueguchi Cracks Triple Homicide

Ayato first thinks of crumpling the newspaper and tossing. Then he considers reading through to hear more about her.

Hinami Fueguchi, twenty year old detective star. Modern day Sherlock Holmes. Certificated golden child of Eto Yoshimura, the best detective this city has seen in years.

Ayato was a jealous man. Half of him angry at this girl for being higher ranked them him and younger. Half of him...proud? Enamored? Intrigued at the very least.

The cigarette in his hand was done so he tossed it on the sidewalk. He was supposed to be at the precinct in a half hour.  

Maybe I’ll pick her up a coffee, start off on the right foot.

—

Taking a nap on the break room couch was the worst idea Hinami had ever had. She woke up with a throbbing, deep kind of pain in her neck. And every time she turned her neck she felt that pain traversing down her whole body. She also could tell her hair was sticking up at an odd angle. She ties her hair up to avoid having to find that brush she hasn’t seen in months.

Exhaustion still weighs heavy on her. Though at least now she could keep her eyes open. As she’s heading out of the break room to her desk she collides with someone, as if gravity had pulled her that way for a reason.

Iced coffee splashes all over her blouse. Red splashes all over her cheeks. She steps back and grumbles at the feeling of the sticky syrup coating her skin and blouse. She’d have to go home and shower now. Before she glances up to see who ran into her a thought crosses her mind that it was Eto forcing her to leave the office by spilling the coffee.

She looks up to see a boy about her age, maybe a year or two older. Dark hair hangs in messy layers around his angular face. His eyes are the same dark color and she feels like she’s looking at the night sky when the stars are hidden. He’s beautiful. So beautiful she thinks of actually apologizing to him for spilling his coffee. But then she remembers who she is. She was a well respected detective and she wouldn’t cater to this man; no matter how beautiful he was.

“Oh fuck me.” He says looking at what the coffee had done to her shirt. He looked only mildly annoyed.

“Eloquent.” She responds and pushes past him to go see if she had some spare clothes in her locker. She did find a shirt. Not a very nice shirt to be frank. But her old anime t-shirt was better than going all the way home. She finds herself in the bathroom now, blouse unbuttoned and wiping off the stick of sugar and syrup from her chest.

Who was that guy? He wasn’t a uniform. He couldn’t be another detective. And there was no way a civilian’s response to spilling coffee on a detective would be ‘oh fuck me’. Her nerves had her rubbing the paper towel so rough a red patch was forming on chest.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Well. That’s as clean as she was going to get without showering. The bathroom door opens and Eto steps in. Her glance is quick but Hinami knows Eto has already come up with five different scenarios that would’ve landed Hinami to be washing her chest in the bathroom. Blush creeps into her cheeks at some of the reasons she might be thinking.

“I heard you met him.” Is all she says.

“Met who?” Hinami groans. Her head ache returning with a little dose of revenge pain. All she wanted was a hot bath and a cup of tea. But she couldn’t do that. Not yet. Not till she was good enough.

“Ayato.” Eto shrugs and leans forward checking her hair in the mirror.

“When did I…” realization hits Hinami. The beautiful boy, or rather Ayato, who had spilled coffee all over her landing her in this mess. “He spilled coffee on me.”

“Better than someone else.” Eto says with a sly grin. Blush once more coats Hinami’s features betraying her thoughts. Eto laughs. “Hina, you’re so sweet. Bloody murders? Sure! Sex? Oh no cover my ears.”

“Shut it.” Hinami says. “I need to go properly introduce myself to him.” She stands up straight and marches out of the bathroom. Her pulse was skyrocketing. How was she supposed to maintain an image of dignity after he had spilled coffee all over her and caused her to rush away?

Well she was about to find out. Either way she was going to regain the advantage. She was Hinami Fueguchi, celebrated detective, and she’d be damned if this rookie cop take control. She was after all his superior.

She finds him sitting by the break room. Right where she left him. Another cup was in his hands. Did he go get her another coffee? As she approaches he looks up, their eyes meet. She wants to look away but she holds his gaze. Daring him to think of her as a coward. I am in control, she breathes in, I am in charge, she breathes out.

“Nice Naruto t-shirt Detective Fueguchi.”

All her control, any semblance of power, ashes with that comment.

[rivertheshimmerscale]

Continuing from a different post, but I decided not to reblog because this would be one long-ass reblog, plus it kinda goes off topic as well.

I also don't know how to use the "read more" so... Well, fuck. Sorry.

@localblueslinky

Apparently by "a little," my subconscious meant to dump all of my OC's designs, evolution and backstory at your feet. I'll try to summarize lmao.

I had gotten this idea at the beginning of 2019. Maybe a month after CYM was released. I really wanted a SU OC and my favorite color was blue at the time, so, naturally, I ended up researching a ton of blue gemstones and minerals. The very first name I contemplated was Blue Spinel, which I thought sounded kinda dorky written down and I preferred Kyanite. But the name grew on me and I couldn't decide on Kyanite or Blue Spinel.

Here's a referenced version of Kyanite's very first concept:

I briefly had an idea where she was bubbled on Earth and still got hit with the Corrupting Light, but it only half affected her because of the bubble. This was because I wanted to make her design really feral and monstrous because frankly, I love those designs. Then I decided not to because that idea had too many inconsistencies for her backstory.

Instead I settled to changing her name to Cat's Eye Kyanite, - after discovering that was a thing - using this as an excuse to give her some catlike features. Cats are cool.

Kyanite gets fangs and claws.

I know she looks a little like Lapis, and this is probably because I have some annoying drawing habits. I can only draw Peridot, Spinel and Lapis, so I tend to lapse into these habits when I try to draw anyone else.

Kyanite/Blue Spinel's main power was:

Dissolving her form into a beam of striated light, which resembles actual raw kyanite. It's kinda ironic because the beam is just a simplified, liquid version of her physical form. Raw, primitive light. She can only move in a straight line while using this attack, as light only moves forward.

This reflects off of Steven's shield and bubble. He unintentionally curb stomped her attack the first time they met; she simply ricocheted off his shield and went flying in the opposite direction.

After lately discovering Sonic, this ability has been removed since the coincidence was a little too much for me lmao.

She was a very insecure, melodramatic Gem prone to anxiety, though very protective of those she cared about. She would leap in front of a poofing blow without a second thought, and could be a little scrappy at times.

Kyanites can detect a falsity from miles away, so never lie to her. She will know.

Her full gem name was Cat's Eye Kyanite Facet-8 Cut 3YK. Quite a mouthful, huh?

Her original backstory is kinda janked, so after this I'll share her scrapped one that's still kinda in progress.

Basically, she was made alongside a team of cabochon Kyanites, but was a defective deep-cut. Her Gem was faceted instead of smooth, she was shorter than she should've been, and instead of being calm and balanced like all other Kyanites, she was nervous and impulsive. Despite being off-color, her defects had benefits. She was a brighter color and slightly stronger than her fellow Kyanites, so her superior ended up keeping her anyways. Though a lot of abuse was still directed at her from said superior and teammates. She also had limb enhancers.

At some point, the Kyanites' manager got sent to earth to help with the colony's construction. While the Corrupting Light was being initiated, 3YK ended up being left behind and bubbled in the Facet 5 Cluster lab. In this version of the AU, the Crystal Gems found her bubble after destroying all of the force fusion shards. They took it back to the temple and Steven convinced them to pop it in case it was an innocent Gem. After all, if it was just another corruption or Homeworld Gem, they could catch it again and no harm done... Right?

I ended up just kinda putting this OC down for a while and never came back to it, but after the movie came out, things got interesting. I never would've anticipated an actual canon Spinel, and, to my mild surprise, my own OC had some obvious similarities besides part of the same name. Some of which include a widow's peak or whatever it's called, similar stature, short hair/fur and then longer tufts, similar coloring system, personality, and some more subtle things.

But I liked both of these characters so much that I just have 2 sub-characters; Blue Spinel and Cat's Eye Kyanite. They each have their own individual AUs, I guess, as well.

Ok, for Blue Spinel now!

I have a headcanon that there are other Spinels on Homeworld, but they're not necessarily the same as the Spinel everyone knows and loves.

As you might know, spinel in real life is rather rare and as such not many people know about it. One could say it's underrated. Gem hierarchy on Homeworld seems to be primarily based on Gem worth and popularity on earth. For example, Diamonds being the highest rank gem. Diamonds are actually one of the most common gemstones on earth; and they're very well known by the community.

Ask someone what the most important gemstone is (not in the context of Steven Universe) and they'll probably answer "diamond" without skipping a beat. So by this logic, Spinels on Homeworld could be kinda rare, and not of a particularly high rank but still important nonetheless. Like Pearls, they could be considered the expensive pets or toys of the upper classes.

Take Pink Spinel. She was made for Pink Diamond, especially customized to look and behave like her. She was made to entertain and be Pink's best friend.

In the movie, Pearl sings:

"This will be fun

Aren't you the lucky one?

Her cut is perfect and she's pink, as well

She'll bring you endless entertainment

Your new best friend, Spinel!"

Steven is lucky to have a Spinel? Are they rare? Perhaps only for the highest of the elites, and most likely much more important than Pearls.

Pink Spinel is, in a way, the ultimate or Diamond quality Spinel. Like Jasper is the Ultimate Quartz.

She's the same color as Pink Diamond/Steven, but, how would Pearl know that Steven was Pink? He shows no physical traits of her, besides her Gem, which is also covered and not obviously even Pink Diamond. Pearl was also reset and completely disregarded Steven in all scenes, as Greg was her new owner.

Is there something different or special about Pink Spinels that deserved a mention in Pearl's basic description of these Gems?

These are, as it seems, in an order. Lucky to have a Spinel. She's perfect and,

Pink.

She'll entertain you.

It's unlikely that these two are connected, but it could be possible that different color Spinels have different purposes.

Pink gems, as a stereotype, might be more fun-loving and goofy. Take Pink Pearl and Pink Diamond. We haven't met very many Pink Gems, but they all seem to share this trait. This could also be because they were modeled after Pink Diamond, but hear me out anyways. Blue Gems tend to be rather solemn. (Lapis Lazuli, Blue Diamond, Blue Pearl, Sapphire.) Green/yellow/orange/red Gems tend to be more sassy, energetic and/or egotistical. (Peridot, Yellow Pearl, Yellow Diamond, Ruby.)

Why wouldn't there be a trait for pink Gems?

Homeworld could've utilized this to create a naturally happy-go-lucky Spinel whose purpose is to be happy and entertain other Gems.

But are all Spinels entertainers?

Entertainment seems like a foreign concept for Gems, and within the busy hierarchy, who would ever have time for fun?

In real life, spinel is known as the copy gem. It can mimic almost any crystal because it comes in such a wide range of colors and has a hardness of 8 on the MOHs scale.

So I created an adaptive theory.

Real spinels can be used to mimic other gems. Homeworld Spinels are one of the customizable "accessory" Gems, which take an appearance and personality very similar to that of their owner.

If this were the case, they would be like a higher quality Pearl with more diverse skills. Programmed to have a base personality exactly like their owner, and if their owner screws up bad, they could just be replaced by their Spinel if they're essential to the hierarchy.

Spinels can be entertainers, friends, substitutes or replacements.

Possibly, not all Spinels are solely entertainers. There could be others out there either way, and with this they could be much more relevant in the Gem society though still very rare.

Anyways, it's just a theory. I hope that made sense.

I might put that specific theory on a separate post as well since I'm rather fond of it lmao.

And now, for her backstory.

Celestine was an important Gem. Her role was to manage a portion of Blue's court, and give reports on how her Diamond's colonies were progressing. She, along with all the other Celestines recorded everything that happened and acted as messengers for higher elites. She oversaw colonies when Blue was away and aided her Diamond in their managements. She specializes in this position of great responsibility.

Alongside their roles, Celestines in general can quickly freeze liquids and control them in their solid state or at a certain temperature below freezing. Unlike Sapphires, however, they cannot generate ice out of thin air. Celestine has a pair of ice wings she can summon from her Gem. These Gems also have construction jobs on colonies. They typically work alongside Lapis Lazulis, who use their powers to excavate Kindergardens. Celestines either froze or evaporated the excess water for later use once the Kindergarten was completed.

At some point, Celestine made an error in her job managing Earth's resources and was threatened by her manager, an overreacting Aquamarine, to be replaced. She couldn't be rejuvenated or harvested because she needed all of her documents of colonies, so her Aquamarine instead requested Blue that she be given a backup Gem as a warning. This was Blue Spinel. Blue Spinel was programmed to behave like Celestine, and replace her immediately if need be. She was also meant to record and report her behaviors to Aquamarine.

Celestine was both terrified of and hated her new little replacement snitch. Spinel had to follow her everywhere, which sometimes tested Celestine's temper. The feeling was mostly mutual. Spinel had been occasionally hit and threatened by Cryolite/Celestine, and would try not to interact closely with her. Though, Spinel had a rather calm demeanor and never retaliated.

The two Gems got sent back to the Earth Colony alongside a few Lapis Lazulis to build the Beta Kindergarten. When the corrupting light was being initiated, Celestine found an opportunity to ditch Spinel and they both took seperate ships back to Homeworld. But as they were leaving, Celestine shot at Spinel's ship and knocked it offline. She was on the ship while the Gems were corrupted.

And Spinel's been stuck in the ship for a couple thousand years, eventually giving up trying to fix it. It circled in a slow spiral pattern towards the planet before finally being sucked in and crashing.

She met the CGs and now lives in Little Homeworld or something, this most likely took place after the movie. She had nothing against Steven or the CGs aside from the fact that she had to fight in the war a little bit at some point, but it was all fine and dandy. She didn't cause any problems when she ended up on Earth.

I don't actually have a finished design for Celestine, but I expect she'd have snow colored hair in a sort of angel wing shaped bob, feathery looking shoulder pads, sorta pale bluish skin and a blue-gray dress/skirt. Sorta sharp white boots like Holly Blue. Her gem is on her naval like Spinel, and of course she's really tall.

[full-course-identity]

Overview

Queere Theory: a deeper look at Jeremy Heere, by Sebastian Sabra Thomas

Anxious teenager. Main character. Chronic masturbator. All of these may be used to describe Jeremy Heere at quick glance, in and out of both canon and fanon alike. However, I believe no flippant descriptors can adequately describe his hidden potential lying just underneath the surface.

This is part 1 of a multi-part meta essay wherein I make my case for Jeremy Heere’s character. Links are added to text in [brackets]. Per Tumblr’s broken spam filtration however, I will be removed links and content warnings from any versions of these posts in the tag, and censoring any words I think might be flagged (unfortunately). For the complete version of part 1, please see /post/183607694271/overview on my blog, or /works/18187976/chapters/43020944 on AO3.

While this part is intentionally PG-13, content warnings for later parts of this essay include: NSFW. Frank discussions of mental illness, including psychosis, which could potentially be categorized as fetishistic (that does not mean I believe it is, mind you, but I’m covering my bases here). Graphic descriptions of trauma, including CSA and sexual assault. Internalized queerphobia. Trans sexuality. Kinks and kink culture. Underage sexuality. Polyamory.

This is my first meta, as well as my first essay since… shit, high school. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

For closing on a year now, I’ve been consuming from, and occasionally participating in, the Be More Chill fandom. Still rocky on its feet after the initial Boom of Summer 2017, but steadily gaining traction with the Off (and now On) Broadway performances, BMC is coming to terms with it’s own fanon identity as common characterizations grow more locked in by the day.

As the months go by and I fall deeper in love with this series, I’ve been slowly tracking down abandoned or underappreciated content in my usual stomping grounds (excessive angst and unpopular pairings), solidifying my own thoughts and opinions as a creator first and a fan second. In some ways, I’ve come to similar conclusions as the rest of the fandom. In others, I stand alone.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I’d like to try and make a case for what I’ve come to think of Jeremy, or Jeremiah, Heere, both for my own benefit and as an attempt to persuade others to my side for various, admittedly selfish (but c’mon, would I be writing this if it wasn’t?) reasons. I would deeply appreciate it if you’d come along on this metatextual journey with me to places far and wide inside Jeremy’s subconscious. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of Pure Imagination played over wet slapping noises and the occasional electrotorture flashback!

Anyway.

This essay will be broken down into 7 Parts (links to be added as they’re completed):

[The Overview (that’s this one!)],

[Characterization],

[Mental Health],

[Interpersonal Relationships],

[His Family],

[The Squip], and

[Final Thoughts and Recommendations]

To start with, Characterization will be loosely split two ways: personality, and appearance. This will overlap with the other parts of course, but you should have a solid understanding of the foundation from which I carve details like ‘neurodivergency’ and ‘familial bonds’ from by the end of it. Jeremy Heere may look like an Enigma along a Fault line, but really, he’s a vulnerable kid who’s gone through some intense trauma--whether in canon, fanon, or my own funky concoction of both.

He’s also insanely pretty. Don’t worry, I’ll be reminding you of that a lot.

Mental Health covers MI Disorders like PTSD (which, yes, I do believe Jeremy has), and Neurodivergent behaviors like his autistic symptoms (I don’t generally consider him autistic, but it’s not a hard sell, and I’ll try to go over it either directly in the post or through a follow-up some other time). It’ll also be going over his traumas, both in canon and my headcanon. Heads up: I am mentally ill and neurodivergent, including professionally diagnosed PTSD, among other fun things. I have strong symptoms and trauma which, yeah, I sometimes see in Jeremy. I will be going over how these personal experiences color my perception.

Interpersonal relationships will discuss his friends and romantic prospects--as well as his sexuality as a whole. From his identity as queer(e) and bisexual, to his thoughts on being Achellian, to his kinks and latent polyamory and desired hook up habits. Also, all of his identities here reflect ones similar to mine, but with a few important distinctions.

(Speaking of Queerness, across all of these posts, as I feel it’s necessary, I’ll be making a point to talk about the differences between cis boy Jeremy, trans boy Jeremy, and brief thoughts on how I could see a trans femme narrative as well.)

I’ll be using the Family part as a follow up for, and a further exploration of, the specific trauma he’s sustained from his Mother and her abandonment, and how his dad (bless his heart) is 100% canonically neglectful. I truly believe Jeremy has all the hallmarks of an abused kid.

… The Squip will be an interesting topic. If you’re opposed to Squipemy, feel free to skip it, although I will try to segregate the shipping half from the platonic half.

Finally, for the Wrap Up post, I will be writing down my final conclusions and then going over fan content that inspires me and tweaks my perception in ways large and small. For example, I’m always consuming animatics in some form; one great artist is the famous [Cla Comics], who provides a good base for mannerisms and overt humor, though, by nature, her content is on the lighter end of the spectrum then what I’m usually wallowing in. Other artists, like [PINE TRE3] and [Torpedomyass], have both provided some nice angst, and fit right in line with my general taste in aesthetics. It’s not just those three either of course, and I’ll also be doing the same for fanfic, too.

(… in fact, and I consistently sing this to the Heavens whenever I have the chance, but uh, do yourself a favor and read anything written by [Vanceypants]. Vancey is not only my best friend, they’re my longest running collaborator, my biggest fan, and my other muse. They also far surpass my writing, and Smoke Signals, a Rich Goranski origin story, is a fucking masterpiece.)

Okay, gushing about content aside, I do truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my rambling, and I hope to keep you both interested and engaged from start to finish. All I truly want is for the world to understand just how lovely Jeremiah “Furry Enthusiast and Slowly Burning Anxiety Attack” Queere really is.

Thank you!

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