#based off my sister and her friend

[florenceafternoon]

Lily: walks into the great hall for breakfast and makes eye contact with Sirius

Lily: uncontrolled laughter

Sirius: WHAT?! Is it my hair? Please not my hair

[goldiipond]

my bestest bestie that knows everything about everyone

[violent138]

Bruce, getting a call on his emergency phone in the middle of a WE meeting:

Chairwoman, on her last straw: "Please don't feel any need to rush back, Mr.Wayne."

Bruce, outside the room: "Clark, is everything okay?"

Clark, quietly: "I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to call--"

Bruce, mentally steeling himself: "Just spit it out."

Clark: "So I took Kara and Kon shopping--Jesus, they're staring at me, anyways--"

Bruce:

Bruce, groaning: "Clark, what possessed you? Both of them at the same time? To the mall?"

Clark: "I know, I know! It's been insane Bruce, I can't decipher anything that they're saying and Kara nearly burned holes in something I picked out--"

Bruce: "You picked-- okay stop. Stick them in the food court and come pick up Tim and Stephanie. Say nothing more, let the kids handle it."

Clark, relieved: "I was just gonna suggest that, perfect. I'm on my way now."

Bruce, even more relieved, walking back into the meeting: "What did I miss?"

[bri-cheeses]

The Rosier twins are the best at telling lies. Him and Pandora could have you doubting your entire existence if they wanted to. One time I think they halfway convinced Barty that Pandora was actually adopted, and it was only “halfway” because they were just joking and therefore not trying very hard to be convincing. Barty felt kind of dumb after that, though, because they look pretty much the exact the same even though they’re fraternal.

[poems-of-the-anentomologist]

suffocating 

I’m doing the dishes again

Staring into the water

At that boy

How can I call myself a girl when the face that stares back

Is just another random boy

You’d see playing on a subrban corner

My name isn’t my name

People don’t call me by my name

I’ve been cut off

From everyone

If I died tonight

Nobody would notice

Just another kid

Just another teen suicide

It’s better than the alternative

To suffocate in this form

Would be preferable

To living in a world where nobody sees me

It’s better than the alternative

[wildtornado-o]

4 of them. Decided that bcs I drew the Laurences I wanted to draw the Granbys too

Canonically. He has at least two brothers and one sister and then some nieces and nephews so thats what I based them off. Other than that i dont think anything else is known lol (except for his mothers existence, of course)

Kofi

[carewyncromwell]

"No more, the crap rolls out your mouth again! Haven't changed -- your brain is still gelatin! Little whispers circle around your head... Why don't you worry about yourself instead!?"

~"Holier Than Thou" by Metallica

x~x~x~x

[transcribed from art, for easier translation]

Olivia: Cool your jets, Jacob, that prat isn't worth it. Duncan: Better to get back at Lockhart when there isn't a Hall full of witnesses around. Olivia: Not helping, Duncan.

x~x~x~x

Happy belated birthday, Jacob Cromwell!

In celebration (?), I thought I'd salute one of my personal favorite headcanons about Jacob that I haven't had much of a chance to explore...namely, that Jacob shared a dormroom with the one, the only Gilderoy Lockhart!

Yes, as you can imagine, Jacob hated Lockhart's bloody guts. 😂

Really, though, it wasn't hard for Jacob to hate Lockhart when that "toothy prat" would act like the smartest guy in the room and yet cowardly avoid any challenges or duels that could contradict that overly shiny self-image Lockhart had of himself. Old Gilderoy was also prone to grab more attention from female students than Jacob did, even with his ridiculously puffed-up ego, for his good looks and (marginally) better people skills. Oh yeah -- and then there was Lockhart's attempt to marginalize Jacob, Duncan, and Olivia's hard work dealing with the Cursed Vaults terrorizing Hogwarts by acting like he'd suspected how to break each curse all along and (even more insultingly) insinuating that it was really him who'd instructed the three Cursebreakers in the methods they'd used to break them. Lockhart even brashly reiterated this one infamous Valentine's Day in his and the Trio's fifth year when he received 800 Valentine's cards and presents (which, as it turned out, were all from Lockhart to himself) --

" -- such beautiful gifts and cards! No doubt from fans both across and outside Hogwarts itself! They must've heard of my heroic efforts toward helping break the curses on the Cursed Vaults! Taught Duncan Ashe everything he knows about puzzle solving...and poor Miss Green was clueless in dealing with those boggarts until I showed her the proper method! And those Acromantula, ho ho...I daresay our favorite Cursebreakers would've been helpless in communicating with those beasts, if it weren't for me teaching Jacob some basic phrases..."

Even if his friends successfully held Jacob back physically, they didn't stop him from verbally tearing into Lockhart.

"'TAUGHT ME SOME PHRASES?!' Acromantula are capable of HUMAN SPEECH, you brain-dead numpty!"

Ultimately Lockhart's little stunt came to an end when the Great Hall had to be cleared of students so the teachers could properly deal with the 800 owls and their 800 packages and letters cluttering up the room. Lockhart's interest in stealing credit for dealing with the Cursed Vaults waned for a short time after Olivia's disappearance, Duncan's death, and Jacob's expulsion, but came back in full when Jacob's sister Carewyn likewise had to deal with them. Fortunately Lockhart failed to collect enough information about Carewyn's adventures to take credit for them and was forced to retreat with a very basic Memory Charm as his goodbye before she or her date Andre Egwu could put together his true intentions. And more fortunately still, about six years later, Lockhart got his just desserts when all of the lies he told to score cheap fame and success came to light.

No one was more pleased when the world finally conjured up enough brain cells to see Lockhart for the idiot and fraud he was than Jacob Cromwell. And ironically enough, the world had also finally conjured up enough brain cells to see for who Jacob really was by then -- not a delinquent as so many had presumed for so long, but an eccentric, brilliant wizard with iron-clad loyalty, incredible magical talent, and a heart as brave as Lockhart's is cowardly.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.

YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???

CAUSE I JUST DID

[dragscore]

baby gurl

[dirt-str1der]

just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service

(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?

[dreamsy990]

hey friend of mine said to call you dream the green smile man. do I have permission to kill

POINTING. MY NAME CAME FIRST. PLEASE KILL

[noxtivagus]

i think. my fav in fe engage will be louis

[tweakerist]

no work for the next two days happy argentinian independence day woohooo ill try to write as much as possible 🤩🤩🤩🤩

[bayleaf-2]

*takes off glasses and pinches bridge of my nose* god hpw much vivi lore have i posted here again

[area51-escapee]

I never like the take that if somebody doesn’t have a lot or any friends than it’s a red flag and it must clearly be something wrong with them but also if somebody’s post about complaining about having no friends is surrounded by the most mean spirited hateful bigoted posts imaginable and it’s like. Hm. Wonder why.