Too Much
So this would be the little thing I teased earlier that had the working title of "Jamil's oh shit moment". Whoever the anon was who was curious to see this come to fruition, well, here it is.
Hope y'all enjoy this little trip inside Jamil's head.
It all started with an off-hand comment from Kalim.
Well, truth be told, it started well before that.
For a while now, Jamil had found himself strangely fretful whenever you were around.
It was not the sort of irritation he felt with Kalim’s constantly chafing presence, nor the constant worries of what trouble Kalim might find himself in next. Not really like the frustration he got from suffering with Floyd and Ace’s antics during basketball practice. It wasn't even just another of the usual pins and needles of all the small things of his everyday life that kept on needling on his patience.
No, if anything, you were quite…inoffensive.
But he couldn’t help being on edge, on alert even more than usual.
So much so that the other day, when you turned up in Scarabia and your voice suddenly rang clear in the lounge, Jamil nearly spilled the tea he was just pouring into Kalim’s cup.
Or when you’d joined him and Kalim for lunch in the cafeteria, Jamil could feel his shoulders inching up to his ears with the tension that crept into his body. Even holding his utensils and bringing his food to his mouth somehow felt awkward and clumsy.
Most bothersome indeed.
Besides, he already had enough on his plate without you adding to it all, threatening to tear down the precarious control he barely maintained over his life.
And yesterday, you had come to talk with him after the basketball game, saying such things about his performance on court that his cheeks still threatened to redden just remembering it.
You really were just too much.
And the way you had looked at him, like-
“Jamil! What are you thinking about?”
Kalim’s voice startled Jamil out of his thoughts.
“Nothing.”
What was he thinking about? Why were you on his mind like this?
Jamil’s hands kept working, chopping the vegetables with practiced ease. Yet his mind was barely in what he was doing, busy with trying to tease open the budding thought.
…No.
No.
No way.
Surely he was not that stupid. After all, there was no way-
“Oh, you just seemed so happy, but guess it was nothing then,” Kalim said brightly.
The rest of Kalim's words faded out of Jamil's ears.
The steady rhythm of the knife turned more erratic and forceful, sure to leave deep marks on the cutting board. The urge to pull his hood tighter over his face was almost irresistible, Jamil’s hand slightly twitching even as he forced himself to continue with his task as if nothing had happened.
Why had he been thinking about you? About the way you smiled at him the other day?
Shit.
ETA: there's now a part 2! And a part 3. Part 4. And finally, part 5.
I originally had more written for this but ngl this seemed like the perfect point to cut it. But who knows, maybe there'll be a part 2 at some point.
They played this song in my dance class and it got me thinking of that moment when Jamil realizes just how down bad he is for you. How screwed he is when it comes to you. Jamil certainly wouldn’t be as all in as the narrator in the song is (at least with his NRC circumstances), but the lyrics still sure worked as inspiration.
Tagging @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo
If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know!
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