#bam margera reader

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

“Hello, Nurse!”

Y/N, the fresh faced medic on the Jackass set, cannot seem to catch a break from the guys on set, especially after Knoxville comes up with a plan to welcome her into the family. But who can blame them? She’s pretty fun to mess with…

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Steve-O X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader, Ryan Dunn X Fem!Reader

(Fluff, angst)

1.9k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, blood kink, medical settings, wound description, hazing, nudity, premature ejaculation, snakes, hangovers

An: Thank you so much for sending in requests!! I find that I really like writing Y/N’s with vivid personalities, wether it be very outspoken or, like in this fic, shy ones! I think there’s a lot of really cute and funny scenarios that could come from reader inserts that are just as vivid as the guys themselves! XD Anyways, thank you for the requests and please keep sending them!!

Your eyes went a little wide at what was sitting in front of you. At the time you took up this job, you were expecting to disinfect superficial wounds and, worst case scenario, have to splint a sprained ankle. Tending to an anaconda bite wasn’t exactly what you had in mind, much less eight of them at a time, but today that’s what Johnny was sporting when he walked into the medic trailer and hopped up on the exam table. Looking up at you through the tint of his sunglasses, he seemed oddly at ease as he watched you carefully inspect his muscular forearms- the way his blood trickled down in thin, shiny ribbons to drip off of his fingertips and onto the floor. Sensing your concern, Johnny tried to crack a joke after you nervously mumbled something about getting him on some antibiotics, “Y’know, they oughta get that snake on antibiotics!”

Going about cleaning Johnny’s wounds, you gently steadied one of his hands with yours, dashing the thought of how the way his hands were bigger than yours made you feel as you doused his arm in rubbing alcohol. “Did that hurt…?” You knew grown men to wail like babies when you disinfected their wounds, but the only reaction you got out of Knoxville was a wince and a slight flexing of his muscles. He shook his head, although you could tell from the way he was half talking through his teeth that he was trying to play it cool in front of you, “No, ma’am. Not a bit.” With nimble fingers, you wrapped Johnny’s arms in gauze, trying not to fumble at the way he was staring at you while you worked. “I swear, Y/N- you’ve got the hands of an angel…” A pink blush spread across your cheeks as you tried to hide how the affection in that comment got to you, much to his satisfaction.

Johnny’s sense of humor made you feel the most constérnale around him out of all the guys, but that isn’t to say you were totally at ease. Not only were you new on set, you had never worked on a set in the first place! Fresh out of med school, you were searching for a job and caught an ad in the yellow pages for someone with basic medical training. You ended up taking the place of the previous medic, Ed: this big, rough and tumble old dude whose job didn’t so much entail bandaging injuries and handing out ice packs as it involved handing out pills for a living. I mean, he was good at it, but there’s only so much OxyContin and Percocet can take care of.

So when he got moved onto another set by the union, that’s where you came in. Cue a week of everyone asking where the medic was, only for you to have to tell them that yes, you were the medic- and given the fact you were on a Jackass set, there was no way you were avoiding getting pranked. It was actually Bam who discovered your skittishness first given his general brash personality, but that gave Johnny this genius idea: you were the perfect person to fuck with! Consider it a friendly bout of hazing to welcome you into the family. He got all the guys together one day before filming, whispering barely out of your earshot, “Okay- this girl is really nervous, so next time any of you get hurt, just- fuck with her a little. It’ll be hilarious!” Everyone agreed that it would make for some good footage and they all enlisted to try and find fun and inventive ways to freak out the cute medic girl. Nobody was more excited for this than Bam.

Your nose was buried in one of the horribly unorganized medical kits you were given on your first day when your ears perked up at the sound of Bam’s voice, “Hey, Y/N-'' When you turned your head, he didn’t even make two steps into the trailer before he turned his back to you, dropped his baggy jeans to his ankles, and bent over, “I got stuck in the ass with somethin’- does it look alright?” Hell, before this, Bam did nothing but tease you day in and day out, and now you were staring at his essentially naked body.

“U-uh…Looks good!” Your voice jumped nearly an octave when you responded. Given the fact none of the guys ever wore shirts on set, you got a good look at the way his toned back muscles flexed with his movement as he turned around to you, entirely deadpan, “I know it looks good- but what about the injury?” At least to your trained eye, you couldn't discern anything wrong with his pasty white ass, so all you did was mumble something about how if the pain persists he should come back later, while you ushered him out. Stumbling as he pulled his pants up, Bam chuckled, “Oh, I will!”

The second he stepped out of the door, Knoxville was standing there with the camcorder, barely out of your line of sight. Bam was still buckling up his pants as he gleefully recounted to the camera, “Dude, she was freakin’ out so bad- I thought she was gonna pass out!” I mean, it was kinda expected, given the way he had been chasing you around and pestering you like some kinda schoolyard bully for the past week, but god it made for some amazing footage. “D’you think we could get Steve-O in there ne-“ Johnny was cut off by the sound of shattering glass somewhere onset. “Nevermind.”

Besides Knoxville, Steve was the only one who had a major injury when he walked into the trailer- well, walked as well as he could. See, they were filming this awesome stunt which involved him going through a bunch of tube lights on his skateboard, as he explained to you from where he sat on the table, and the obvious happened- lots of glass, even more blood. “It looks rad though, right?” Just like Johnny, he didn’t seem that perturbed by what happened, idly swaying his legs as blood ran hot down his calves and soaked into his socks. Swallowing, you were at least happy to finally be able to do what you were being paid for and you set to work on, inspecting the damage.

It was mostly his legs, but the tiny shards of glass stuck in Steve’s skin that shimmered like crushed ice littered the whole left side of his body. The part you were most concerned about was his face- I mean duh, he’s a movie star and to your knowledge that’s how he makes a living- so you started there, leaning close and gently tilting his head to one side. And the thing is it’s not that often a girl like you gets that close to a guy like Steve- sure, he made out with sluts at the bar every other night, but to have this absolute angel of a woman right there, tending to him so sweetly, looking at him with those pretty doe eyes- god, he could practically feel your breath against his skin. It was just too much.

“I can’t do this. I’m out.” Excusing himself, Steve hopped off of the table, leaving you blinking in confusion. “But- we’re not finished…?” Turning back to you, he spoke over his shoulder, “Yes, I am.” In your head, you wrote it off as another case of celebrities being divas, but he was long gone before you could stop him and Johnny was eagerly waiting outside. “Hey, man- how’d it go?” Steve’s sigh of defeat told him it was mission failure even before he mimed out what happened: jerk off motion in front of the crotch, then palms in the air. And as Steve went off to go clean himself up, Knoxville set to work on a new plan.

“Y'know, I was a nurse once too!” Chris chuckled, leaning against a counter top, “I was in Thailand working at this monkey hospital, which isn’t all that different from what you do now that I think about it!” You first assumed he was stopping by to chat, which you didn’t mind because he was a nice guy and you always loved listening to his stories from Wildboyz, but that wasn't the case. “Anyways, the reason I came here was-“ Your eyes went wide and you let out a little squeak as, for the second time that day, a man dropped trou in the medical tent, “Y’see, a snake bit my snake!”

Well, they didn’t cover this in medical school. Stumbling over your words, you asked him the routine snake bite questions- it wasn’t a venomous snake and the wound wasn’t even bleeding, but it was certainly an infection risk, so you ended up settling for applying some neosporin and bandaging him up. The feeling of the cold goo on his skin made Chris giggle a bit as you gingerly dabbed it on, and right as you were kneeling down in front of him in maybe the most intimate position you could be in, he decides to speak up, “Y’know, you’d look great in one of those little nurse uniforms!” Averting your eyes as hard as you could, you stuttered, “ I’ll, uh- I’ll think about that…” From the looks of it, Chris was probably thinking about that right now.

And of course someone just had to stumble in on that scene. It was Ryan, who didn’t seem to pay any attention to the incredibly suggestive display going on in front of him. He nonchalantly took a seat in one of the plastic chairs in the corner of the room and leaned his head back, waiting patiently with his eyes closed. Once you got Chris’ pants up and rushed him out, you grabbed a new pair of nitrile gloves as you went to where Ryan was sitting, “How can I help you?” Blinking awake behind his sunglasses, he sat up a bit straighter, “Oh, yeah- I’m just,” Ryan sighed, “really hungover right now…can I get some aspirin or something?”

Finally, something you could take care of! “Oh, of course! If you’d like, you could lay down for a few minutes.” Ryan watched you grab some pills from the cabinet and a Dixie cup of water with a smile on your face. God, Steve was right - this chick really is an angel. “Thanks.” He threw the pills back and took a swig of the water. “You know, I don’t know how you do it- takin’ care of us idiots.” To put it this way, if he had your job, stitching up morons who hurt themselves for fun, he would’ve put in his two weeks a while ago. But the fact that they hurt themselves on purpose never seemed to get in the way of the fact you were genuinely happy to help, no matter the circumstance. “Really, it’s no problem! I, uh…I guess I just like making people feel better.”

“Dude- what’s the holdup?” Two hours elapsed from the time Ryan went in the tent to the time he left, and Johnny heard nothing from him in that time. That was because shortly after you gave him those pills- think ten minutes- he was out cold. But the day was slow, and you didn’t see any purpose in waking him, so you decided to let him sleep off whatever was bothering him. Half awake, Ryan put a hand on Knoxville’s shoulder. “That woman needs a raise.”

[cvmsterfire]

ryan and bam >>

[tonymarias]

this is a joke I owe all jackass fanfic writers still writing in 2024 my fucking life

[lilithknoxville]

Could you perhaps do a Johnny angst with a happy ending? I don’t have anything particular in mind, just wanting to suffer 🫶🏻

Only You (Johnny Knoxville x Reader)

Summary: “Am I not enough for you anymore?” You threw your hands up in exasperation, “I mean - Jesus! You were practically undressing her with your eyes!” Your voice rose sharply, your chest feeling tight as you exploded on him.

“W-Wait a second!” Johnny’s voice rose, and he held up a shaking hand towards you, “Where are you even getting the idea that you’re ‘not enough for me’?” He asked, and you scoffed incredulously.

“When I watch my boyfriend eye fuck some blonde and look at her the exact same way he looks at me.”

Content Warnings: Mild Angst, Swearing, Insecurities

Word Count: 3,019

AN: aaaaaaaaah this was actually so much fun to write! I don’t know if this exactly the angst you were looking for, I do have another one I was writing with this ask, but I don’t know if I’m as confident in it as I am this one. As usual, no beta reader, we die like men. Requests are still open! Onto the story! ✨

You grit your teeth, the sound of the interviewer’s laughter almost like an ice pick through your skull. A sour expression was on your face as you tried to tune her out, but when your boyfriend purred another compliment to her, you hit your breaking point. It was no secret that Johnny was a natural flirt - Hell, most of the time, he did it unintentionally - but with how many compliments he had thrown at her, it was starting to feel like it wasn’t unintentional anymore. You had enough.

You turned on your heel, tears stinging your eyes. You all but ran to the exit door, slamming it open with your hands. You could hear a small commotion inside, the blonde’s voice asking if everything was okay, and something unintelligible from Johnny. You stepped outside into the hot June air of Los Angeles, your breath catching in your throat. You ran your hand up from your forehead into your hair, trying to clear your thoughts.

Your hands fumbled around in your Johnny’s flannel, trying to find the cigarette pack you had hastily grabbed this morning. You pulled out the pack, the lighter placed inside, and sparked up a cigarette. You took a long drag, trying to use the stale taste of the tobacco to calm your nerves.

It was a silent ten minutes, the sound of the city surrounding you, before you heard the door open behind you. You didn’t turn around, already on your fourth cigarette. You took a long drag, looking down at the parking lot in front of you, where the past three cigarette butts were scattered on the ground.

“Don’t you know those things give you cancer?” You heard the southern drawl of your boyfriend’s accent, and usually the sound of it would make you smile. You grit your teeth, closing your eyes.

“I’m aware.” You spoke simply, your tone cold and emotionless. The air between the two of you chilled, and you felt him come up behind you. He wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder.

“You’re mad.” He commented, his tone amused, but when you turned your head to meet his eyes, he quickly realized that it was much more than a simple anger.

“And you’re Einstein.” You spat, pulling out of his hands. He reached out for you, but you held up a hand, stopping him, “Not right now.” You heaved out a sigh, running a hand through your hair.

“Doll, is this because of that interview?” He asked, confusion crossing his features, “I mean, I know I was laying on the charm thick, but I didn’t thi-”

“Laying on the charm thick?!” Your voice rose sharply, cutting him off. He blinked, looking taken aback by your sudden interruption, “Holy shit, if you call what you did in there ‘Laying on the charm thick’, then I’d fucking hate to see what you actually flirting looks like!”

“H-Hey, now wait a minute.” Johnny held up a finger, his voice stuttering for a moment, “Doll, I can explain.”

“Oh!” You laughed humorlessly, crossing your arms over your chest, “You can explain? Let me guess, it’s also ‘Not what it looks like’?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. The look on his face told you that was his next set of words, “Because I’ll tell you what it looked like, PJ. It looked like you shamelessly flirting, while your girlfriend was standing less than a fucking foot away!” You spat, your hands coming to your head in frustration.

“O-Okay, you’ve got me there. I can see how it came across like that.” He grimaced, and you laughed humorlessly again.

“Am I not enough for you anymore?” You threw your hands up in exasperation, “I mean - Jesus! You were practically undressing her with your eyes!” Your voice rose sharply, your chest feeling tight as you exploded on him.

“W-Wait a second!” Johnny’s voice rose, and he held up a shaking hand towards you, “Where are you even getting the idea that you’re ‘not enough for me’?” He asked, and you scoffed incredulously.

“When I watch my boyfriend eye fuck some blonde and look at her the exact same way he looks at me.” You crossed your arms across your chest, wrapping them around you almost in protection. The sound of the cars honking on the street was making your emotions run even higher, and you shook your head.

“We will talk more about this later.” You held up a finger to silence him when he protested, “You’ve got more interviews to get through. I’m going home.” You dug the keys to your car out of your flannel pocket.

“Hon…” Johnny started, but you shook your head, meeting his eyes.

“I can’t sit here and watch the love of my fucking life flirt with other women like I don’t exist to him.” You admitted, your voice hollow, “I’ll see you at home.” And with that, you were stalking off across the parking lot to your car. You unlocked the doors, casting a glance over at Johnny, who hadn’t moved an inch. He was watching you with guilty eyes, and you tore your gaze away from him, getting into your car.

The drive home was silent, a pop song playing on the radio softly, but it was all background noise compared to the whirlwind in your brain. Your emotions were a jumbled mess of insecurities rearing their ugly head, deep sadness, and pure rage.

You made it home quickly, and you parked your car, sighing heavily. You let yourself in the front door, shutting the door behind you. You thought you would have a moment to yourself, but the piercing blue of Bam’s eyes caught you off guard. You crossed your arms, looking at the brunet who was currently laid across your couch.

“Do I even want to know why you’re here? Or how you got in?” You asked, leaning against the back of the couch, looking down at your friend.

“Johnny called me. Told me to be here before you got home.” Bam answered simply, sitting up on the couch and patting the space next to him, “Said you needed someone to scream at, and you know I’m your man for that. And you don’t want to know how I got in.”

“I’m not gonna scream at you, fuck.” You sighed, coming around the couch and flopping down next to Bam. You rested your head against the back of the couch, closing your eyes, “I shouldn’t even be as upset as I am. I know that rationally, but-”

“Seeing another girl smile at Johnny the same way you do sets your blood on fire?” Bam finished your sentence, and you looked over at him with depressed eyes.

“Yeah.” You answered slowly, the depression deepening on your face as you unpacked your emotions, “I know Johnny is an attractive man. I’d be stupid to think that there aren’t women who look at him and want him with every breath they take. But seeing Johnny playing into their fantasies - albeit with his words and not physically - just doesn’t sit right with me. I watched him look at that girl the same way he looks at me in bed.” You spoke softly, your eyes slipping closed again as you heaved out a sigh.

“I’m not going to sit here and say your brain is stupid for thinking like that.” Bam started, his finger idly spinning one of his rings around his finger, “But I’m gonna tell you that Knox isn’t one to fuck around on the one he loves.” You opened your eyes, looking over at him with a soft, confused look. Bam shifted uncomfortably, having to play therapist being something he wasn’t used to.

“Look, he was with this one chick for years.” Bam shifted on the couch to where he was facing you, throwing one of his arms over the back of the couch, “Her name was Brittany. He started dating her when we first started Jackass, and he was completely devoted to her. Anything she wanted, she got. If she even hinted at wanting something, he was immediately buying it for her. Every single second of his day was spent on her, and she took fucking advantage of that.” He swallowed, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“She was fucking around on him, behind his back. Everyone knew it. Hell, I think even he knew it, but he was too scared to be alone. She was all he had ever known, so he suffered through it. Multiple opportunities were opened to him during that to fuck around on her, but he never took it. He always said that two wrongs don’t make a right, so he wasn’t going to do unto her the same pain when he hated what was happening to him.” Bam explained, and it felt like your breath was stolen from your lungs, “So, I completely get having insecurities, but trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about for Johnny fucking around on you or randomly leaving you. He’s a people pleaser, yes, but all you have to do is talk to him and that comes to a complete stop.” Bam gave you a lopsided smile, “We all see how happy he is with you. He’s made a complete 180 turn from the broken dude he used to be, and - Fuck - you treat him like he’s made of gold. You two are made for each other, through and through.”

“Bam…” You pressed your lips together in a thin line, your mind racing, “I was a fucking bitch to him before I left set.” Your voice was quiet, and Bam let out a small chuckle.

“Sweetheart, I can assure you, you weren’t a bitch to him. You were dealin’ with some weird emotions, and if you can explain that to him, there isn’t gonna be any bad blood between you two. Knox is a good ass dude. He completely gets having insecurities, but he’s not a mind reader.” He looked at you pointedly, and you cringed slightly.

“And it’s not fair to expect him to know what’s going on in my mind if I don’t say anything.” Your voice was small, the weight of everything hitting you all at once.

“Atta girl.” Bam snapped his fingers, “You have to talk to him about how you’re feeling. He can’t just magically know what’s going on in your head without you talking to him about what you’re feeling.” He gave you another lopsided smile, and you let out a heavy sigh.

“I appreciate you, Bam.” You gave him a soft smile, looking over at him. He shrugged nonchalantly, opening his arms for a hug. You chuckled gently, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him. Your mouth pressed against his shoulder, “I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.” You murmured into the fabric of his jacket.

“You wouldn’t have a kickass friend who pulls your head out of your ass and gives you damn good advice.” Bam joked, a lighthearted smile on his lips, and you let out a soft laugh as well.

It was a couple of hours later when Johnny finally came home, the smell of dinner cooking making his stomach grumble. Bam had been long gone by then, having sent Johnny a text that you were okay now. Johnny had tried to send you a couple of texts, but Bam advised against it, telling Johnny to give you space right now so you could sort through all of your emotions.

The sound of your gentle singing made Johnny’s heart clench in his chest, and he sighed softly. He closed the front door gently behind him, kicking off his shoes and placing them in the small shoe rack you had bought a couple of months ago. In his hand was a bouquet of flowers, a small piece of his long winded apology. He walked through the living room and made his way into the kitchen, his heart hammering in his throat. When he turned the corner into the kitchen, you were standing in front of the stove, stirring a pot with potatoes in it. You turned your head towards him, and he thrust the flowers out to you.

“Doll, I cannot apologize enough.” He started, his voice strained. You gently took the flowers from his hands, your breathing catching in your throat, “I just-”

“Baby.” You cut him off, blinking up towards the ceiling, trying to push back the tears that threatened to stream down your cheeks. You looked back at him, tears hanging heavy on your lashline, “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I promise you.”

“I do though.” He protested, swallowing thickly. You turned from him, gently placing the flowers on the counter as you turned down the burner that the pot was sitting on. You turned back towards him, “I’m always so obsessed with this stupid ‘bad boy, flirty southern’ image that I don’t stop to think about how it affects the woman I’m in love with.”

“You can’t beat yourself up too much, PJ.” You shook your head, your tongue darting out to wet your lips, “I got upset and angry with you, when I’ve never explained to you my own emotions. You’re not a mindreader, and it’s not fair of me to expect you to be one.” Johnny blinked in confusion, and you crossed your arms tightly in front of you, avoiding his eyes for a moment, “I know there are much prettier women out there than me. I’d be an idiot and completely vain to think I was the most drop dead gorgeous woman out there.” You swallowed thickly, meeting Johnny’s eyes, “It’s naive of me to think that no one in the world flirts with you - You’re extremely attractive. And it’s not fair of me to get upset with you when women flirt with you. But I can’t help but get upset whenever you flirt with them right back.”

“Doll…” Johnny whispered, but you held up a finger, cutting him off again.

“Please let me finish.” You looked at him, and he nodded, “I am so goddamned terrified that some wind is going to blow wrong and steal you away from me. I am so scared that some pretty blonde is going to waltz into your life and make you realize you don’t love me as much as you thought you did. I am beyond terrified that you’re going to wake up one day, look over at me, and ask yourself ‘Do I really like her as much as I originally thought?’.” Your voice broke with the threat of tears, and your breath was shaky in your chest, “I know nothing is guaranteed, but the idea of not waking up beside you is one that makes me so scared each and every single day. The idea of you just leaving me randomly one day is something that rattles around in my head like a fucking pinball, and it haunts my mind every single second of my life.” You ran your fingers through your hair, sighing heavily.

Johnny was silent for a moment, before he crossed the kitchen to you, wrapping his arms around your neck. His hand came to your hair, gently holding your head against his chest. He rested his chin on top of your head, before moving his head to where his lips were pressed against your hair. You gasped softly, clutching onto Johnny tightly.

“My babydoll…” He whispered into your hair, pulling back and looking into your eyes, “No one in this world will ever compare to you. No single person walking this earth right now, or that will walk on this earth in the future, will ever be able to replace you. If I lost you due to my own stupid mistakes, I would never be able to forgive myself.” His eyes were filled with genuine love and sincerity, and the sight made your eyes well up with tears again, “I promise you, there will never be a day that I wake up and question my love for you. There will never be a day where I will even entertain someone’s idea of being on my arm, because that’s where I want to keep you for the rest of our lives. I want to marry you, sweetheart. I want to watch our kids running around in the backyard, I want to grow old with you.”

“PJ…” You whispered, but he pulled you into a breathless kiss, his hand cradling the back of your head. Your hands ghosted over his wrists as he poured every single ounce of love he felt for you into the bruising kiss. After a few seconds, he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

“I cannot apologize to you enough, doll. Please forgive me.” He whispered, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Always, PJ.” You whispered back, closing your eyes, “I love you so fucking much.” You smiled up at him, and he let out a breathless chuckle.

“Oh, doll. I love you so much more.” He pressed kiss after kiss to your forehead, making you giggle, “There’s that laugh.” He murmured against your skin, a smile crossing his lips.

“C’mon, you gotta let me finish cooking.” You whined, giggling again as he pulled you harder against him, a deep grumble of protest echoed out of his chest, “I know you haven’t eaten all day, and I don’t want you to waste away to nothing.” You teased.

“Fine, fine.” He relented finally, letting you out of his arms, “Only because you said my favourite word.” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, smiling wistfully.

“What, cooking?” You stuck your tongue out at him, which made him laugh brightly. As you looked over at him, warmth and love bloomed in your chest. His words of ‘No one in this world will ever compare to you’ echoed through your mind and was a soothing, healing balm to your soul. You had a feeling that everything would be okay, as long as you two were by each other’s sides.

[dramatic-crying]

just hear me out - being a part of jackass and cky in the 2000s <3

[lexaknoxville]

ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɴᴇᴀᴛʜ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ - Johnny Knoxville

“𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞.” - 𝐍𝐨 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭

pairing(s) | Johnny Knoxville x fem!reader

summary | just headcanons on meeting/getting asked out by Knoxville

warnings | cussing, maybe suggestive content? I think that’s about it!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! MASTERLIST!

• I think it was definitely one of those “She fell first, he fell harder” situations

• I want to say you guys met through a mutual friend or maybe you worked on the Jackass Crew

• for now I’m gonna say you worked on the crew

• Naturally you knew who he was, and naturally you were attracted to him (who wouldn’t be)

• It took a chance meeting for him to really notice you tho

• let’s say you got dragged into a stunt, or you were helping him after he got hurt. It was most likely something like that

• after that initial meeting Pj was just like “yep, she’s the one.” and made it his personal mission to get you to himself

• It took the rest of the cast noticing his little crush and bugging him about it for him to actually act on it though

“she’s totally hot man, if you don’t ask her out I will” - steve-o probably

“I can see your boner from here Knoxville” - bam probably

“Little lover boy has a crushhh. Want me to talk to her for you?” - Dunn maybe

• all of the dickhead behavior from his friends finally convinced him to ask you. Now I see this going one of two ways.

1. Him always finding an excuse to come to your office/work station so he can bug you, then eventually work up the courage

2. the cast/crew are at a bar after shooting one day and he’s a little buzzed. He finally grows a pair and comes up to you.

• either way! You’re like “Oh! yes!”

THEN YOU LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

kidding.

• yall went on a cute little date somewhere and he was pleasantly surprising!

• he dropped the whole jackass persona and the sweet southern boy came out

• he was laying the nicknames on thickkkk. His shit definitely had you squirming.

• Baby, Babydoll, Sweetheart, Dollface, Pretty Girl. Those are definitely his favorites! (they’re your favorites too…)

• walked you to your front door after the date, AND snuck a little kiss in. He was kinda flustered so after the kiss he was like “I had fun doll, see you at work!” and scurried off to his car LMAO

•. You were FREAKING OUTTT. like “holy fuck holy fuck he kissed me” but quickly collected yourself and shouted bye back to him

• definitely the kind of asshole to do the whole jump and shout after you got inside. Do yall know what I’m talking about 😭 like the whole “woo hoo!” and celebration dance cause the date went well LMAOOO

• ofc you’re watching from your window, it wasn’t embarrassing though because it’s him, it was more endearing than anything.

OKOK THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW IM SORRY! SEND REQUESTS 😚

[jackasswhre]

i love my emo bfs

[mcgpoy]

pov: you work for jackass production. you've been on the road for weeks on test shoots. the more time you spend with ryan, the more whatever it was between you and ryan flares up. when you're next to each other, you can't stop laughing. when you're in different cars, you put your headphones on and think about him as you look out the window. the boys tease you whenever they catch you smile to yourself. you pull yourself together and flip them off but you don't know how long you can deny that you've started something you never want to end.

[abellmunsonmovie]

I feel like if Eddie was alive in the late 90s and early 2000s he’d love Jackass. Also like what if Corroded Coffin got famous or whatever and they were a special guest on there?!?!

“Hey my names, Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!” -Eddie before cutting to wee man getting shot out of a canon

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

First of all: I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR BLOG literally can't stop reading yours posts!!!!

now, i want to know if you could do a headcanon with Jhonny or Bam, about their girlfriend doing a sex photoshot with all the jackass guys (something that involved a halloween special ep + playboy idk), and he GET REALLY JEAlous

anyways i love your blog. just it.💕

Playboy Photoshoot HC’s!

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Y/N, Bam Margera X Fem!Y/N (slight Steve-O X Fem!Reader X Chris Pontius)

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, pornography, flirting, jealousy, awkward boners, taunting, possessiveness, leather, choking kink, praise kink, minimal plot, fighting

An: Thank you so much for the request and all the love!! What a start to my Halloween special ;) The costumes in this fic were inspired by the convict stunt that Johnny did, and fun fact: since the first movie was released arround a week before Halloween, this is all totally feasible! Ps. I completed more than one request for these HC’s , so see attached! ;)

That halloween photoshoot looked more like a frat party held in a Toys R Us than a legitimate operate run by Playboy, what with all the props and bizarre costumes

Not a typical set up, but they wernt exactly dealing with typical subjects…

You were dressed up in this sexy little leather number that was supposed to be a police officer’s uniform judging by the hat,

On the other hand, your boyfriend and his buddies dressed as convicts clad in orange jumpsuits, no tiny skirts or egregious heels to be found

You thought to call sexism on that, but part of you knew that if you did Chris would offer to wear the outfit too and match with you and he’d probably be able to pull that off.

While the others were fucking arround on the faux prison set, Johnny wandered over to one of the photographers, “Hey, anybody know where-?”

Coincidentally, that’s right about when you walked on set,

The second he saw you all dressed up, Knoxville got those big cartoon heart eyes and stuck out his wrists in a ‘cuff me’ gesture. Your heart melted

“Ah! You are just too much!” Giggling, you pulled him in for a hug, incidentally squishing his face in your boobs (thanks, egregious heels),

Not that he minded, nor the other guys, who were very not sneakily watching you two.

The cameras started flashing, and while you didn’t exactly know what to expect out of a porno photo shot, it certainly wasn’t this-

Sandwiching you him and Chris, Steve chuckled lowly in your ear, “You gonna frisk me, officer?”

Despite the obvious suggestive tone, he really only said it to be funny.

What else are you supposed to say when you’ve got your hands all on your buddy’s chick?

And while innocent as well, Pontius didn’t make the situation any better when he leaned over his shoulder from where he was squished up behind you and asked,

“Y’think I could try that on next? It looks great on you!”

Any guy would get pissed at this. Especially Johnny, who wants exactly the most open to you gettin’ felt up by his buddies

Sitting just off to the side, Knoxville was quietly fuming. I mean, there’s a fine line here, and those two idiots were getting pretty damn close to it.

Bam was about to nonchalantly kick flip over that line.

Given the setup and the leather and handcuffs and whatnot, things got, for lack of a better word, dominatrixy

Pulling Bam into an armhold with a prop baton for a couple shots, you really had no clue he would get hard before you sat down to straddle his hips

He didn’t seem like the choking type but hell, who are you to speculate?

Those orange jumpsuits did nothing to hide the obvious.

While making full on eye contact with Knoxville, he flashed him a shit eating grin and let out a taunting little groan, “Fuck…”

He knew he was screwed. Or more aptly, you were screwed

Like the discrete man he was, Johnny quietly pulled you away from the action and into a dressing room. Shutting the door behind you, he stood far too close,

“Y/N,” Knoxville leaned in and put his big hands on your shoulders, trying to keep his voice down as he explained, “I don’t like the way the guys’ve been lookin’ at you.”

Grinning, you poked fun at his sudden hesitance, “Cmon- It’s a Playboy shoot.”

This was your chance, Eyes glinting, you provoked him a bit, “What? You jealous or somethin’?” His lips straightened into a stiff line.

The sound of his resolve cracking, then breaking was nearly audible as he snapped, “Yeah, I’m jealous!”

Before you could spit out that he’s the one that asked you to do this, Knoxville pounced on you.

Wrapping you up in those gangly arms, his hands searched for any skin to find purchase on

It was brutal. Animalistic and angry and drenched in hormones; even you were a little surprised by it. Not in a million years would you think a guy like him had it in him

Not that you didn’t enjoy it. In fact, you enjoyed it a lot more than you’d care to admit.

Here you were in some dressing room, tugging at eachother’s clothes like you couldn’t get them off fast enough.

In the fervor, the two of you tumbled onto a couch, your hands fisting orange as Knoxville made his little bid for territory,

Burying his face in your neck, the air between your bodies was thick. Hands working at costume pleather, Johnny couldn’t fight off a grin at himself.

With a murmur, his natural ability to goad a reaction slipped through, “Yeah? Cmon- y’think Bam could do this?”

You knew it as well as he did- if Bam was in his shoes, looking down at you like this, that dipshit would’ve glued his boxers to his left leg the minute he walked in the room.

Shaking your head no, you let out a little gasp as Johnny roughly hiked your leg up on his hip

He chuckled to himself, eyes glinting as he murmured, “Atta girl…”

[indicafaeries]

would you guys support me if i started writing jackass fanfic be honest😭

[dunnswrld]

“dont make a mess sweetheart i gotta stunt in ten minutes.”

is what johnny said to you as he lifted his head from the sweet spot between your thighs, a cocky grin plastered on the fake cowboys face as your juices and his spit dripped down his chin.

“f-fuck off.”

you said breathlessly, johnny only letting out a soft chuckle before he spoke.

“aw dont be so mean.”

is all he said before he connected his lips with your sensitive cilt again. a moan leaving your lips as his mouth returned to the spot you needed him the most.

your fingers were tangled in johnnys brown hair as he ate you like his last meal, the sound of his soft groans could not only be heard but felt against your core; shivers going up your spin as your eyes crossed from the amount of overwhelming pleasure.

everytime johnny was between your thighs it was better then the last if thats even possible. you swear there was no man that enjoyed eating pussy more then your boyfriend did.

johnnys brown eyes looked up at you from between your thighs. his erection only ached more as he saw your reaction to him between your thighs, you looked completely overstimulated with pleasure and he loved it.

this only motivated johnny to push himself deeper between your thighs, his tongue lapping circles around your cilt as lewd slurping noises came from his actions. a high pitched moan leaving your lips as your grip on johnnys hair tightened.

“j-johnny i-im gonna-”

you felt johnnys grip on your hips tighten as he became almost determined to make you cum, and make you cum hard.

you could swear you saw stars as you let out a strain of moans as your hands tried to grab anything they could, a intense wave of pleasure shooting through your body as johnny didnt even care to slow down. he wanted you to be completely worn out from his tongue.

it wasnt until your chest began to rise and fall heavily did johnny stop, slowly kissing his way from between your legs to your cheek. he then gave you a sweet and passionate kiss, he slightly laughed feeling how lazily you kissed back. you were beat.

when johnny pulled away from the kiss you saw his mouth and face that was covered with your cum and his spit. your face couldnt help but turn red at seeing the aftermath of your boyfriend eating you out.

“i said dont make a mess sweetheart.”

johnny softly teased with a shit-eating smirk on his face, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his mouth off.

(coming back from the dead to write the smallest piece of whatever this is cause i had the urge to write maybe if it does good ill write again idk😟)

[lilithknoxville]

Needy (Johnny Knoxville x F!Reader!) 18+!

Summary: “Wait, what the fuck happened to your arms?!” You asked, your eyes widening again in surprise and horror. His hands grabbed your ankles, dragging you to the foot of your bed. Your breath left your lungs for a moment as he got in your face, his eyes needy.

“Anaconda in a ball pit. Don’t wanna talk about it. Need you.” He murmured, pressing his lips to yours within a second.

Content Warnings: Graphic Smut, 18+, Oral (Fem Receiving), Swearing, Dirty Talk, Daddy Kink

Word Count: 2,176

AN: PHEWWWWWWW. i was debating between a smut or a fluff and we see what side won. i am a whore. but it’s okay bc it’s johnny LOLLLLLLL. also maybe someday i’ll know how to properly end a story. today is not that day…

please leave requests in the inbox! this one just kind of. fell out of me. also if anyone wants to be my beta reader i think id love you forever. i need a beta reader bad. OKAY ANYWAYS into the story ✨

You were sitting in Johnny’s bedroom, mindlessly scrolling through TikTok, chuckling at videos here and there. It was one in the morning, and you were still wide awake. Johnny was out late, a shoot taking longer than expected. He had texted you, letting you know way beforehand that this one would be taking a while. You had sent him some videos of your rabbit vibrator in you, the videos going unanswered. You were used to it by now, the shoots took up most of his time. You had done your business, came to the thought of him three times, then put your toy away. You were getting sleepy, your eyelids getting heavy.

The sound of the front door to the apartment slamming shut made you sit up in a panic. Footsteps echoed off of the walls, and the bedroom door opened suddenly. Johnny was standing in your door frame, blood covering his forearms and soaked into his white t-shirt. His rainbow suspenders, which were also blood soaked, hung loosely around his shoulders. Your eyes widened in fear for a moment, before relaxing into a confused smile.

“Shit, babe. You scared the hell out of me.” Your hand came to your chest, but as you slowly took in the sight of his appearance, you blinked in confusion, “Wait, what the fuck happened to your arms?!” You asked, your eyes widening again in surprise and horror. His hands grabbed your ankles, dragging you to the foot of your bed. Your breath left your lungs for a moment as he got in your face, his eyes needy.

“Anaconda in a ball pit. Don’t wanna talk about it. Need you.” He murmured, pressing his lips to yours within a second. You made a noise of surprise against his lips, your arms wrapping around his neck. The kiss was bruising, Johnny not even giving you a moment to breathe. You broke the kiss, sucking in a quick breath.

“Whoa, slow down!” You let out a breathless laugh as Johnny’s hands were already at the waistband of your pyjama pants, pushing them down your thighs, discarding them somewhere on the floor, “Where’s the fire?” You asked in confusion, watching him kneel down at the foot of your bed. His hands shoved your thighs up towards your face, and you saw bloody handprints on your ankles. You gasped out a breath, trying to sit up. His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. Your pussy was still soaked from earlier, and he moved his face closer, licking a long stripe up towards your clit. You bit your lip hard, your body writhing and your head falling back against your pillows.

“Need you. Fuckin’ opened the videos you sent me on set. Haven’t stopped thinkin’ about them.” He murmured, the southern accent causing thrill to run through your veins. His hands scrambled at the seam of your underwear, tearing them in half along the seam.

“Goddamnit, you can’t keep tearing my underwear, PJ.” You threw your head back against the mattress, a strangled moan tearing from you as he dove into your pussy, his tongue diving into your weeping slit.

“I’ll buy you more.” He growled, his hand coming up, his thumb lazily circling your clit. His tongue dove into you again, immediately finding that spot that had you seeing stars and your body writhing again. Your hands came to his hair, moans tumbling from your lips, as he devoured you like a cannibal. His mouth dipped up, his lips attaching to your clit and sucking gently. You rolled your hips, your chest rising and falling quickly. He changed his ministrations from sucking on your clit, back to his tongue diving back into your pussy.

It wasn’t long before the coil started to wind itself in your stomach, the pace of his tongue relentless. It was like he wanted to pull an orgasm out of you as fast as possible, and it was working. Between his tongue in your pussy and his thumb on your clit, he had that thread inside of you snapping within a moment. Your hands pulled his hair hard, your back arching off of the bed. His groan rumbled through your body, adding to the already heightened feeling racing through you. His face stayed between your legs until you whined from overstimulation. He pulled back from between your legs, his chin and lips covered in your slick. He wiped his mouth with his hand, giving you the smirk he knew drove you crazy.

“Head of the bed, now. All fours, hold onto the headboard.” His voice was gruff, and you scrambled over yourself, getting into the position he demanded of you. You faced the wall, your ass poking up into the air. You heard the sound of his belt clinking, and the soft Whoosh of his slacks hitting the floor. He came up behind you, his thick cock dragging against your weeping slit. You grit your teeth, shuddering.

He lined himself up, pushing into you with one thrust. You groaned, your knuckles going white from how hard you were gripping the headboard. He stayed in place for a minute, letting you get used to the feeling.

“Y-You’re good, honey.” You shuddered underneath his hands, which were on your hips, gripping them tightly. You heard a low chuckle from behind you, and if you thought he was relentless eating you out, his pace fucking you was even more brutal. You let out another groan, your voice cracking, as his hips slammed into your ass relentlessly. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, as you dropped your head, catching a glimpse of his cock slamming in and out of you.

“Take this fucking cock,” He growled out, his left hand coming from your hip to your neck, pulling you up to where your back was against his chest. His hand snaked around the front of your neck, his thumb and forefinger applying the right amount of pressure to the sides of your neck that made your head swim, “You fucking slut.” He snarled, and the tears pricking the corners of your eyes fell down your cheeks.

His tongue darted out, licking the tears off of your skin. Your eyes rolled back in your head, your right hand leaving the headboard and tapping his forearm frantically. The grip he had on your neck loosened, and you sucked in a breath. You heard him chuckle lowly in your ear, his hips snapping against you harder this time.

“Gonna cry over how amazing this cock feels?” He spat, his lips curled up in a vicious smile, “That’s it, you little slut, let Daddy love you the way you deserve.” His pace was relentless, almost frantic.

The coil in your stomach started to burn red hot again, and you sobbed, two of his fingers coming to your mouth and pressing hard against your tongue. Your lips closed around his fingers - your tongue circling around his digits - as your eyes rolled back in your head again.

“That’s it, my sweet girl. My sweet slut.” Johnny grunted out through clenched teeth, his voice tight in his throat, “Cum all over Daddy’s cock.” His words finally broke you, and you all but screamed around his fingers, your orgasm hitting you like a tonne of bricks. Your pussy fluttered around his cock, and he grunted out, his teeth sinking into the dip of your shoulder.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yes, just like that baby.” He snarled against your skin, his tongue darting out and licking away the small amount of blood pooling on your shoulder. His breath was heavy against your skin, his pace speeding up even more. At this point, you were sure his hipbones were going to leave bruises against your ass with how hard he was pounding into you. You sobbed, thick tears running down your cheeks at the overstimulation, “Just like that, babygirl.” His tongue ran over the wounds on your shoulder, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses against your neck.

“Da-Daddy~!” You cried out, and you heard his groan reverberate through your head. His pace started to become sloppy, his own orgasm near.

“Fuck, sweetheart-!” He grunted out, his moans strangled beside your ear. You gasped out choked sobs, his hand leaving your neck and coming back to your hip.

Within a couple of thrusts, Johnny stilled, as his cock twitched and pulsed in you. You threw your head back, letting out an animalistic scream as another orgasm rippled through you at the same time. You dropped your head to the pillow in front of you, gasping in greedy breaths. Your heart was racing in your chest, and your thighs trembled around his legs.

It was a quiet couple of seconds while you and Johnny caught your breath. He sucked in a shaky breath, pulling out of you, causing you to whine from the empty feeling. Your legs gave out under you, and you heard him chuckle gently. He got up from the bed, getting into the drawer where he knew you kept the towels. He went into the bathroom, and you heard the tap running. He returned to the bed, using the - now damp - towel to wipe the blood off of your legs, hips, and anywhere he had touched you. He turned you over, wiping you completely down. You turned over after a moment, giving him a tired smile.

“Now do I get my answer of what happened to your arms?” You asked, a soft chuckle coming out of your lips. He laughed as well, going to the bathroom that was attached to your bedroom.

“Stupid fucking idea of me, Ryan, and Wee-Man in a ball pit with an anaconda. No, wait, it was two anacondas.” You watched as he dabbed one of the washcloths you used for cleaning across his arms, the activities opening up the wounds again. He patched himself up as best as he could, half assed putting gauze all over his arms, “I was supposed to catch one of them, but the fucker kept whippin’ his head back and bitin’ me.” He got all of the blood off of his arms, throwing the shirt he was wearing into your bathroom trash can. He was fully nude as he walked back into your bedroom, digging through your drawers for new clothes.

“If it was literally anyone but you, I would be surprised. You get checked by medical before you practically burst my door down?” You asked, a small yawn tearing its way from your lips. You heard him chuckle before he was slipping a new pair of underwear onto your legs, covering you with the comforter a second later. He crawled into bed beside you, holding you tight. You shifted uncomfortably until you got used to the feeling of the gauze on your skin.

“Yes, I did. Said it should heal within a couple of days, since they were surface punctures at best.” He held you tightly, the sound of his heartbeat soothing you and you snuggled more against his chest.

“You wanna explain why you practically tore my door off of the hinges to fuck?” You asked, his laugh rumbling through his chest.

“Bam’s stupid ass. I had my phone on one of the tables by the cameras, and before we got shootin’, you sent me that video.” His voice was husky again, his lips by your hairline. He pressed kiss after kiss to your forehead and scalp. “Bam brought me my phone, makin’ it sound like you were textin’ me frantically. Of course, I thought something was wrong at first, but I made the brilliant choice of openin’ the video you sent me.” He laughed, and you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“Did anyone-” You asked, but he shook his head quickly.

“No, babygirl. No one saw what was on my phone. I closed out of my texts and put my phone in my pocket before anyone saw.” He reassured you, and you let out a shaky exhale, “Though it was in my head the entire time. Wasn’t thinkin’ straight, so that’s why the anaconda was able to take a couple of nibbles on me.” He chuckled against your forehead, his fingers tracing over your shoulder. He pulled his head back, looking at your shoulder. Where he had bit your shoulder had nice teeth marks in your skin, and he grimaced.

“Don’t worry about them, hon. They don’t hurt.” You assured him, shrugging, “I’ll doctor them up in the mornin’. It’s bedtime now.” You giggled softly, pulling his head down to where it was resting against yours. He hummed, his arms snaking back around you tightly.

“Bedtime it is, ma’am.” He murmured, and you rolled your eyes hard.

“Don’t call me that, PJ. I love you, but you know I hate that shit.” You chuckled, and he pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“I love you too, sweetheart. But you know my mama raised me to be a southern gentleman.” He smiled against your skin, and you shook your head slightly.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way, baby. Goodnight.” You leaned your head up, giving him a sweet kiss, before you nuzzled your head into his chest. His heartbeat was coming back down to a normal level.

“Goodnight, babygirl. Sweet dreams.” Johnny pressed another kiss to your head, before letting his head fall back against the pillows.

[kunntzsstuff]

🤲 dating johnny knoxville 🤲

[jackassbrainrot]

x reader masterlist

fluff

drive [dunn x gn!reader] that needle won't hurt you [dunn x gn!reader] pure morning [pontius x gn!reader] kiss it better part 1 [bam x m!reader] uncool as me [ehren x gn!reader] the drug you can't deny [jimmy pop x gn!reader]

smut

hating (and rearranging) your guts [bam x f!reader] there's something on your face [steveo x f!reader] nasty new compulsion [dunn x f!reader] like they do on the discovery channel [pontius x f!reader] head in the game [dico x gn!reader] one last time [dunn x f!reader] kiss it better part 2 [bam x m!reader] always right [dico x f!reader] treat me like there's no hell [bam x gn!reader] spread out [steve o x f!reader] princess treatment [dunn x f!reader] all yours [knoxville x f!reader]

angst

one last time [dunn x f!reader] bite like a dog [dunn x f!reader]

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

I loved your medic reader fic! Would you ever consider doing a follow up to that? It could be whatever you want! You write the guys with so much character and personality! ^_^

“Hello Nurse!” (Pt. 2)

Y/N’s contract is renewed, and as filming wraps in California and continues in Miami, she’s brought along on a whirlwind journey across the U.S. and discovers there’s more than meets the eye to this ragtag group of misfits.

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Steve-O X Fem!Reader, Ryan Dunn X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader

(Fluff)

5.4k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, anal (Dunn and the toy car), crude language, light bullying, drug use, weed, opioids, alcohol, nudity, slut shaming, unsafe driving, injury, blood kink, medical settings, wound description, hazing, premature ejaculation, snakes, humping, threesomes

An: Thank you so much for this request!! I really love Medic!Y/N and I thought I’d take this story in a new and interesting direction ;) I would totally be open for writing more for her in the future, so feel free to drop a request if there’s something in particular you would like to see! Tagging: @sweetest-catha

Being a set medic means that, oftentimes, you end up wearing many hats. For example, if you told someone you were being forced via contract to watch a grown man rectally insert a matchbox car, they wouldn’t believe you- but yet, here you are. “Do- do I really need to be in the room for this…?” Bam stood at Ryan’s bedside clad in black pseudo-scrubs, playing the nurse to your doctor. That’s a nightmare in and of itself. He scoffed, pressing a stethoscope to Dunn’s chest, “Yeah- legal said so!” Ah yes, your old friend: the legal department. The reason you were still around to witness this wonder of nature.

Not even a month ago, you got your very first job as a set medic. According to Knoxville (which is what you had begun calling him, no longer Johnny or his least favorite, Mr. Knoxville), the crew decided to renew your contract because you were a joy to have on set! No other reason- no way… There was a lot more work to do for the movie anyways, and the production would be taking a trip to Miami, Florida to film some stunts in the sunshine state and maybe get some material on the road, and it’s not like they could just abandon their favorite nurse! So, in a dingy hotel room somewhere in California, you were standing by as Ryan laid back on the sheets with his legs up in a mock Lithotomy position and squirted some clear goo out of a tube plainly labeled ANAL LUBE, presenting you with two sticky fingers, “Y/N- y’think this is enough lube?” The cameraman standing in the doorway seemed to find your nervous reaction pure comedy gold, making sure to capture your stammering, “Ah- how am I supposed to know?! I mean, just- just try with that…”

Nurse Bam snickered at the shocked blush on your cheeks, getting this malicious little look in his eye as he whispered in Dunn’s ear, “Dude, you gotta get a little louder with this next one- Just watch ‘er…” Clinging to the wall with your eyes squeezed shut to block out what was happening, all you could hear were snickers and these squelchy noises that you really wished you didn’t know the origins of, before Ryan let out a low, provocative groan. When Bam asked him, “Is it in?” something in you snapped. Ry didn’t have time to respond before you, unable to stand the tension for a second longer, lunged across the room and simultaneously pulled Ryan to his feet with one hand and yanked up his shorts with your other.

While Dunn was getting whatever needed to be done over with in the bargain X-ray place, you slumped in the van with your head in your hands alongside the guys who were busy recording B-roll, “God, I feel bad for Y/N- she’s gonna have’t fish that thing outta him…” The implications here made you jolt awake, “Wait- I’m not gonna do it? I-I thought the x-ray guy was gonna take care of that!” This is a Jackass set for crying out loud! Shouldn’t they have a specialized ass doctor around here? Stifling his own laughter, Steve made a flimsy effort to calm your nerves by reaching around Knoxville to pat you on the back, “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, y’could’ve been in my ass if Dunn didn’t step up like that!” Johnny laughed, turning to address the camera, “Yeah, lesser’a two evils…”

Ryan declined any assistance with the removal process in spite of the constant goading from the rest of the crew, instead opting to yank the thing out himself in the bathroom. And after that, you hit the road. Since the cast and crew would be split up in two vans, Johnny thought it was only fitting to wish them off like a mom sending her sons off to college, “Alright, now don't you boys do anything I wouldn’t do! Have fun, take your medicine, and-“ Honking the horn, Bam yelled from the driver’s side window, “Get in, dipshit!” You were already in the van, squished between Steve and Chris, so close that you could feel the heat radiating off of their bodies.

It was around Barstow where you were staring out through a fogged up window which you were lucky enough to score a seat next to, when you spotted a sign on the roadside reading, ‘Don’t gamble with marajuana. In Nevada: Possession- 20 years! Sale- Life!’ Part of you found this really ironic, considering that, right next to you, Steve-O was getting fired like an over cooked McNugget, passing the joking right in front of you to Pontius. You didn't have an excuse to sit up front like Knoxville’s asthma or Bam’s bitching about how much he hates the smell of pot. How often do cops patrol this area? Maybe you weren't hiding your nerves as well as you thought because Chris held out the joint to you between two fingers. Were you really about to do this?

“Oh! I’m, uh- I’m alright…” Nope, you weren't going to do that. Pontius shrugged, opting to pass it back to Ryan in exchange for a can out of the six pack he bought in order to presumably drink his shame away. You tried to focus on the fact that you were a professional; you were here to do a job, and that job was to take care of these young men, whatever it is they put themselves through. Letting Knoxville’s prattling about gonzo journalism and Hunter S. Thompson wash away your thoughts, you looked ahead with apprehension towards the strip-hotel skyline rising up through the haze of the desert.

The plan was to stop at a hotel so the guys could film some stunt and be on your way. Neither cast nor crew would spill the beans but whatever it was, there was no medical liability, so you hung back in the room. So you walked in, laid down the bed, and exhaled all the stress that weighed on your bones. Little did you know that chaos was slowly encroaching in on your little slice of peace. No more than ten feet away, clustered in the hallway outside, there was this childish truth or dare energy that buzzed among the guys. Bam gave Ryan a playful shove, “You go first, since y’got it so bad for her…” Scoffing, Dunn shot a glare his way, “Listen- I took the car up my ass! That gets me off the hook for, like- a week, at least.” Ever the arbitrator, Johnny knew that he could illicit the best reaction out of you, so he shoved the two apart with diplomatic grace, “Boys, listen- I’ll take care’a this.”

Right as you laid down, someone knocked at the door. Assuming it was Jeff or someone else on the crew, you got up to answer it only to be greeted by something entirely unexpected: Johnny, naked. In fact, they were all naked! Practically letting out a squeak at the sight, your face burnt red and you couldn’t meet his gaze even with those shades that never seemed to leave his face. Keeping your eyes down, you realized that may have been the worst place for you to look at considering the only thing you had to focus on was a strip of lean, muscular, Hollywood tan flesh. Speaking to you through the one inch gap allotted by the still in place door chain, Knoxville sounded so casual, as if he was making fully clothed conversation, “Hey, Y/N! Me ‘an the fellas were just wonderin’ if you’d wanna go get somethin’ t’eat tonight!” You couldn’t help but silently wonder about what you weren't seeing, but quickly shook the image from your mind, you had a more pressing matter: the five entirely nude men waiting outside your room. “W-why are you all naked?!”

Vegas- the original adult playground, where big girls and boys go to behave poorly. Given the statute here for things you can get away with before you get arrested, there wouldn't be a better place in the U.S. to film “Nudist Hotel Crawl”. According to Steve-O, who was more than happy to explain, the premise of the stunt was to go about your business in a hotel like taking the elevator or walking through hallways- all while totally naked. They got some sweet footage, but the real fun would arise when their favorite evil mastermind (who came up with the whole ‘taunt the cute medic girl’ idea in the first place) suggested they pay you a visit. Of course, he left that last part out.

They had parts planned out, like when Chris popped up on his toes and used his buddy’s shoulder for stability, smiling at you with that goofy grin, “It’s pretty cold out here! Can we use the shower’t warm up a bit?” If there was something worse than someone seeing you with a group of naked men outside your door, it would be someone seeing said men be invited in. “Where the hell are your clothes!?” It was only after that left your mouth that you realized that their clothes were still in the room. God, it was like this was some demented Abbott and Costello routine…

“In here? All of you naked- with me?” Bam smirked at how suggestive that sounded, replying with quick thinking, “How else are we gonna get dressed?” You conceded with a sigh, fiddling with the lock, “Okay, fine- just…no weird stuff!” You didnt have enough time to peep your head out the doorway to check for onlookers before they all flooded in, laughing and whooping. At the back of the pack was Johnny, who seemed to linger by you for a moment while everyone else ran to the showers or started miming sex acts with each other’s naked bodies. The air between the two of you hung thick as he leaned down to murmur sweetly in your ear, “I’m serious about that dinner thing.” “You are gonna put on some clothes, right…?”

An upside to family restaurants is that they’re usually pretty loud, muffling any crude conversation enabled by the surprisingly free flowing alcohol. “See, that’s the problem-“ Bam slurred, gesturing over to Steve and Chris before taking a swig of whatever was in his glass, “you two’re attracted t’these, like- fake titty bitches with thongs hangin’ outta their ass an’ DSL, like- dick suckin’ lips.” The fact that you were hanging out with the talent in the first place while the rest of the crew- the semi responsible adults such as yourself- were asleep back at the hotel completely eluded you. Eluding you more was the fact you got roped into whatver conversation they were having, “Speaking of, Y/N- you gotta boyfriend?”

You felt like you were back in high school again…Well, you didn’t have a boyfriend, but why in the world would Knoxville be asking you that? Is this just another ploy to make you squirm? He seemed as if he didn’t care how his words made your heart jump into your mouth, languidly chewing as he stared across the table at you. Stammering, you swallowed your nerves, “U-uh…No, actually.” There was a beat everybody just stared at each other before Bam broke the silence by elbowing Dunn, giving him a very obvious eyebrow raise, “Ah! She’s single!” Chris gave you a smolder and Ryan rolled his eyes at Bam’s drunken antics, elbowing him back a little harder, speaking through grit teeth, “Thanks, dude.” And then there was Johnny, the ringmaster to this operation. He just reached over to you and playfully ruffled your hair, grinning in that cute, crooked way, “I was just curious, that’s all…”

After dinner that night, you were off to New Mexico, and it was Knoxville’s turn to drive. Nerves already frayed from the trip so far, you couldn’t sleep if you wanted to, much less with how Bam was sprawled out on both your and Dunn’s laps. Knowing you wouldn’t, Johnny spoke first, “Y’know, I gotta terrible habit’a fallin’ asleep while drivin’…” Well that assured you a lot. He gestured to you with one hand, “D’ya think you could grab me a couple’a those red pills from Steve-O’s backpack?” Steve’s backpack was the Baskin-Robbins of indulgence- yes, the Jansport slumped against your leg was more of a mobile police narcotic’s lab than anything.

Typical medic stuff, doling out pills, even if they weren't exactly yours…you’d put up more resistance, but you didn’t have much of an argument due to the fact that the cast shared pretty much everything else, ranging from clothes to women, so you just handed them over like the nice little pushover you were. “We’re lucky’t have you, Y/N. I mean it…” Johnny thanked you before throwing them back dry, “Y’know, you’ve got this…thing about you. Y’seem like you really care about us idiots.” Barely above the hum of the engine, Knoxville’s words were low and genuine. The way he was talking about you as if you were some set angel lit some fire inside you, steaming up your cheeks and making you avoid meeting his gaze in the rear view mirror. You replied simply, “Well, I do. It's what I do.” Oh, if you kept this up, Johnny might start feeling a little bad about tormenting you so much…Well, clearly he didn’t feel bad enough, the weight of his true feelings carrying over to something he let slip to plant some funny seeds in your head. “Yeah Dunn was right about you…”

Blood trickled down his limbs from angry, red flesh speckled by cacti spines, but Steve didn’t seem to be too bothered by it at all- you hardly noticed that lovesick grin plastered on his face as you diligently worked at removing the prickles lodged in his skin. It seemed the longer you were on set, the more real the injuries got…They were stuck everywhere- from his chicken scratch tattooed arms to his pale, narrow thighs that felt so nice with your hands rubbing against them to smooth the soreness…It didn’t help Steve had to strip down to his boxers as you crouched in front of him, sweat sparkling on your forehead under the New Mexico sun. Steve found the whole nurse/patient dynamic really sexy, but after that previous embarrassing, sticky incident, he’d been trying to keep his cool around you, which was doing a bang up job with, as evident from the way he absolutely botched that last attempt at that “Cactus Jump” stunt. Maybe it was a little more intentional than he’d care to admit, just a bid to get in this position again; It was all soft breathing and these warm touches too tender to stay platonic.

“Hey, uh-“ Clearing his throat to cover up the way his voice cracked, Steve looked at you with these glossy, semi dazed eyes, “Y’got any pain pills over there?” Ah, yes- memories of Ed the Medic and his assortment of multicolored opioids. Distracted by trying to grip a spine lodged particularly deeply in his thigh, you sort of dismissed him given how familiar you were with his righteous, clean living indignation towards painkillers, “Don’t you have some in your bag?” Before he could question you about knowing about his stash, you suddenly had more pressing matters to take care of: this primal, I’m talking primal, life or death shriek of terror you hurt maybe twenty feet away. Assuming something went horribly wrong, you lept to your feet to investigate. This is what you went to med school for- saving lives!

Well, not exactly. It was Bam, cowering in the face of a desert kingsnake. Well, it was more of a stand-off, but it was obvious who was losing. You called out to one of the cameramen nearby and started to walk the talent away to one side, “Hey, can we get a chair or something for Bam here?“ It's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to snake bites, so you gently sat him down and started the now routine line of questioning that follows a snake bite while inspecting high risk points: the wrists, the neck, etc. He didn’t seem like he was bleeding, and when you tried to ask if he knew if the snake was nevemos or not, you didn’t get much of an answer. Bam talked with his hands as he prattled on in this little-boy-lost-at-the-zoo voice, “It- it didn’t bite me- but that fuckin’ thing’s lookin’ at me, like-!” The snake was still sitting a few feet away when it suddenly lunged towards the two of you. It was pretty obvious it couldn’t do anything from this distance, but that didn’t stop Bam from flying backward and nearly topping out of his chair.

This was a side of him you hadn’t seen before. Previously, Bam was a schoolyard bully who’d shank you like a jailhouse snitch at his earliest convenience- or at the very least, try his damndest to make you squeal and cry by any means short of tugging on your pigtails. But are those tears you see? Initially, part of you thought he was playing some cruel joke to tug at your heartstrings, but the longer you looked at Bam- and Bam looked at you, with those big, baby blue doe eyes that just beg to be comforted- you saw another side of him: a weaker, more vulnerable side. And it sounds weird to say, but you really liked this side of him. Broken. Pretty…

As you knelt down in the hot sand next to him, Bam suddenly lurched towards you, clinging to you in maybe the most awkward yet strangely sweet hug you’ve ever received. Not having been trained on what to do in this scenario, you just sort of did what felt right, reaching out and rubbing his back, “You’re okay, you’re fine…” Your stiff but soothing platitudes seemed to ease the shaking in Bam’s shoulders as the guys all stood around and watched, snickering at how you were reluctantly mothering him, “The snake’s gone, you’re alright- you’re fine…you’re sure you didn’t get bit?”

If the broken air conditioner wasn’t an issue driving to New Mexico, it was certainly an issue driving through New Mexico. The guys were still giving Bam a hard time about the snake freak out by the time you were halfway to Texarkana, and Dunn was happy to finally get some leverage on him after all that shit he gave him about bein’ sweet on you, “Look at it this way- now that we’ve gotta lady who can kiss your boo-boos, maybe you don’t need’t live with your mom anymore!” You were amazed at the way these men could just be so mean and awful to each other and still stay friends, but hell- if that isn’t a testament to friendship. Still a little shaken judging by the look in his eyes, Bam whipped around in his seat to snap back, “First off, Ape lives with me, asshole- not vice versa. Second of all-“

Reaching into the center council, he grabbed a styrofoam fast food cup of soda and tossed it back at Dunn, inadvertently getting about half of it on you. This earned him a good shove, sending his cackling, half clothed body against the dashboard because of course these men don’t wear seatbelts. As the chaos unfolded, all you could do was sit there, dripping with soda, frozen while you bore witness to how quickly they all turned into animals. Well, all of them except Ryan, who noticed the dark, sticky mess on the front of your shirt and doubled over to scrounge around on the floor of the van, “Here- y’can wear this if you want,” Dunn sat up and smiled softly as you unfurled the wad of fabric he handed you- his shirt. “Sorry about Bam, he’s…well, he is normally like this, but he’s still an ass. Our ass.”

At the rodeo arena where they were supposed to film some bull stunt, you still wore Ryan’s shirt underneath your navy blue medic jacket, and you thought nothing of it. You’d been called in because Knoxville took a particularly nasty hit and wasn’t getting up, and if you had a nickel for every time that happened you’d be able to retire. The first thing you noticed when you walked in was the glassy, nine mile stare that Kossick was sporting- the growing uncertainty that he’s going straight to filming Milfbusters 7 after this movie gets shelved on account of their main star biting it. Kneeling down by Johnny’s side, you took care not to move him too much on the chance he suffered some degree of head trauma as you gently peeled the shattered remains of his glasses off of his face.

“Howdy, ma’am!” Knoxville grinned at you from the ground, surprisingly with all of his teeth intact, “I’m just a little concussed- I’m alright. Y’ain’t gotta worry ‘bout me…” Dismissing you the way men tend to do when they’re injured, he tried to pull himself up on his elbows but you gently guided him to lay back down, “I really don’t think you are…” Concern weighed heavy in your voice as you cupped his cheeks in your hands to get a better look at his face, “Only one of your eyes is looking at me right now, Johnny.” He swatted at the dust filled air dismissively, shaking his head, “Ah, that’s no problem- I wear glasses anyways.” Yep- par for the course in terms of head injuries. Slowly, you went about examining him, starting at gingerly running your fingers over his scalp to check for blood or lacerations and moving down to his neck and shoulders, “Tell me if you start feeling tired, okay?” Continuing the exam, you pulled up his shirt to assess for broken or bruised ribs and your eyes perversely wandered down to the hem of his shirt that was riding up, showing off his askew belt buckle and the dusting of hair that led below his waistband. Johnny let out an amused chuckle, his accent seemingly stronger post concussion, “Well, that ain’t gonna be happenin’ with the way y’keep touchin’ me, sweetheart…”

Off in the peanut gallery, you could hear Bam and Ryan jeering him from the stands in faux southern accents, “Ain't that the fella on TV?” “Seems like ‘Hollawood isn’t cut out for bein’a cowboy!” “Y’reckon we’ll git on ‘is show?” Completely uncharactic of you, the thought occurred to you to turn around and tell them off for acting like such children in this situation, but before you had a chance to open your mouth, guess who came bounding down the stairs to plop down by his buddy’s side and make sure everything was alright? Steve wiggled in right next to you, “Knoxville, dude! You there?” Johnny blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus on the weird tan blur above him, “Did- was it funny?” Steve grinned in that cute, boyish way he always did, “It was hilarious!” Holding his hand out for a high five, Johnny missed Steve’s hand by a good couple inches before he grabbed his wrist, pressing them together.

Knoxville was chewing Vicodin like Twizzlers to stay upright- and even then he could only barely stagger around, usually having to sling an arm around the shoulders of whoever was closest to him. That isn’t to say the other guys didn’t have their fair share of injuries: for one, Ryan hadn’t been able to sit right since the toy car incident, and for some reason you felt bad for him- a little more than you usually did with set injuries. Maybe it was due to the fact that the guys found it absolutely riveting, especially Bam, “Cmon, aren’t you used’t takin’ it up the ass by now, Dunn?” Turning around in his seat, Chris gave his two cents, “I’m not saying I would’ve gotten the footage you did, but if I was the one who took the car up the ass, I would’ve done it with a little more poise.“ While Steve, who sat curled up against the door sleeping off the antibiotics you gave him for those infected cacti wounds (surprise, surprise!), swatted at Pontius and murmured something about shutting up and letting him sleep. “Aww, Sleep-O’s gettin’ fussy ‘cause he didn’t get his nap?” You could handle this: banter, joking around- this was nice,

Since the usual instigators were out cold, things got pretty quiet in the van for a while until Bam, who was sitting on one side of you, leaned conspiratorially close to your ear, “Hey. Y’know Dunn’s got the hots for you?” Blinking in surprise, you tried to keep your voice low and only managed to stammer out a, “Huh?” All this time you thought he was just being nice to you! However, you had to admit, the idea did cross your mind once or twice…Still, Bam was fucking with you- he had to be. But now that you really thought about it, he really doesn’t seem like the type to make the first move. Gesturing to you and Ry with a black painted nail, his voice dropped to a teasing coo, “I mean, if you’d be up for it, maybe the three of us could-“ Cutting him off before he could finish whatever poorly thought out plan he whipped up to pass the time in the back of the van, Dunn reached behind you and swiftly whacked the back of Bam’s head, cutting him off, “Don’t listen to that idiot.” It took you accidentally sliding against Ryan’s side, practically snuggling in under his arm to realize what Bam had in mind, your cheeks going pink at the images your mind conjured. “Ah! I think she likes that idea!” All you could do was sit there and stew on what the hell just happened.

The cast and crew made a pit stop at his Knoxville’s folk’s place because his cousin Rodge’ had a pretty genius idea for this stunt that made great use outta some old paintball guns he found in the garage. It also helped that the little gang of hellions that were Johnny’s nieces, nephews, and unspecified cousins were more than happy to join in on the fun, taking up arms and firing away at our rowdy gang of misfits, which you had to admit was really fun to watch- especially when Party Boy ‘crashed’ the family reunion, dancing in the back gate wearing that shiny little mankini to be greeted by a barrage of neon splatters of paint. There was just something so endearing about the way Chris could laugh as he got pelted with paintballs while all the other guys were yelping or groaning in pain.

“What in the world’s wrong with that boy?” Rodge shook his head, putting down his gun as the guys hobbled off, resembling fucked up Jackson Pollock style preformance art. Limping over to where you were sat on a lawn chair, Chris still had that smile on his face as he spun around and bent down in front of you at a ninety degree angle, “Hey, Y/N- I think I got shot he-“ Having seen this trick before from Bam, you initially flinched away and your hands flew to cover up your eyes, “Oh!” But the thought occurred to you that Pontius didn’t really have any pants to drop and couldn’t flash his ass if everyone else could already see it, so you slowly peeled your fingers away to find him presenting you with a legitimate injury: one of those trademark C-shaped paintball wounds. Apprehension turned to curiosity as you cocked your head, examining it, “How’d they even get you there…” I mean, it was in his ass crack, which made it a definite infection risk, but this was something you could help with- now, at least, after a month or so doing this shit.

Walking him off to the side of the yard away from any prying eyes, you instructed Chris to pull his Mankini down as far as he can without exposing himself and chuckled that cute, dumb laugh that you’d come to associate with him, “Well, you don’t have to ask me twice!” As you gingerly dabbed a soaked cotton ball against the swelling, purple and red injury, he shivered at the feeling of the cold alcohol, “Ooh!” Not having extensive expereince dealing with asses, you assumed you might’ve done something wrong, “Did that hurt?” “No, ma’am! I think I got another one on my-“ Before Chris could finish turning, you whipped around, simultaneously flustered and shocked. Yeah, this was exactly the kind of thing he was good at: throwing people off just a little. Still, when Pontius was recruited to mess with you, he never got that serious with it, “I’m kidding! But I may have to call you later for some extra medical attention…” Stumbling to your feet, you walked away to where the rest of the guys were getting hosed off, face still bright pink with your voice about three octaves higher, “Anybody got any other injuries? Anybody!”

After what felt like an eternity but was really a little under a week, you arrived in Miami: tired, unshowered, and on the verge of putting in your two week’s notice. Sure, it was fun and all but a part of you knew you might not be cut out for this. You had half a mind to tell everybody to have fun before catching a flight home because you'd really had enough, but for a reason you couldn't really place, you decided to stick around. Maybe it was how nice the sun felt on your skin or the excitement that all of this was finally over with and you could finally take a breather.

Well, not quite. See, the whole reason they were going to Miami in the first place was to film a few water stunts. You’d spent a good chunk of the car ride listening to Bam prattle off about all these stunt ideas they had, namely, “Waterskiing D-Style” stunt- the one where Ryan was bent over and Bam was behind him in a faux humping position, with the two of them wearing waterskis and being pulled by a speedboat across the water- a pretty funny sight gag, sure. But naively assuming nobody could get too injured from relatively safe aquatic sports, you decided to hang back with some of the cameramen and PAs. “Y/N!” Putting an end to social hour, Jeff poked his head in the crew van and waved you over, pointing off into the distance, “Dunn just took a ski to the head- think y’could check on him?”

Rushing across the sand with med kit in tow to where Ryan’s pale, waterlogged body had been dragged inland, you dropped to your knees to peel a few wet, blond strands of hair away from his face to examine the fresh, candy apple red gash on his forehead. Blinking his eyes open, Dunn looked up at you with adoration behind his thankfully equally sized pupils. It wasn’t as serious as some of the other injuries you tended to, but it would need stitches- and soon, so in the meantime you started on cleaning up the affected area with an alcohol wipe. “Wow…You really know how t’take care of us.” Ever since that thing in the car you had been thinking about Ryan more, how unlike the other guys, he was never too awful when he got put up to fuck with you- always a little apprehensive to go too far. Clearing his throat, Dunn glanced up at you, “Hey, y’know when Bam said I kinda had the hots fr’you?” It was around then that he realized that, given the fact he had suffered a head injury, he kind of had a pass to say whatever he wanted with minimal repercussions, “Yeah- he was tellin’ the truth…”

Wait, what? Here- now?! Was this the heat playing games with you? Before you could slap yourself for not considering this sooner, Ryan reached up and gently wrapped his fingers around your wrist, tenderness slipping into his voice that let it slip he wasn't joking, “How about you and I go grab dinner sometime?” From further down the beach, far out of earshot, Dunn’s hump buddy from earlier yelled out to you, “Hey, Y/N! S’he gonna be alright?” Swallowing thickly, you tried to stabilize your voice as you shouted to Bam, “Yeah, he’ll be just fine!”

“Alright! Get the beers!”