#baking........ and not the devils lettuce

[cannatrashed]

~Idk what to caption this~

[datck]

[kiddoddie]

Time to wake up and smell the flowers 💚💚💚

[ocinstar]

Like a cake

Spencer x afab!reader

Summary: Spencer accidentally eats a special brownie and gets baked for the first time, making him reveal some things.

Cw: drug use (devils lettuce), fluff, use of y/n

A/n: cooked this up at 3 am while watching that scene in the perks of being a wallflower where charlie gets high and thought high spencer would be hilarious 😭

Also this is not proof read, so if u see any spelling mistakes, no you didn't 😇

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"Do I really have to go to this thing?" Spencer asked Derek from his seat beside me.

Derek had gotten an invite to a house party by some of his friends and had insisted on us coming along with him. Emily and I were pretty quick to accept the invitation, but it took a lot of convincing to get boy wonder to agree to join us. He only agreed after I promised to lend him my copy The Undertaker in the original Russian print.

"Yes, you do." Morgan answered with a breathy chuckle. Spencer sighed and sunk lower in his seat. I sort of felt bad now for pushing him to come, especially since I know he's uncomfortable with things like this. But that's also exactly why I pushed him, to get him out of his comfort zone a bit and have the chance to talk with people in a low stress environment. Derek had said the party wasn't supposed to be to big, just a few friends. Which of whom were all going to be intoxicated, therefore easier to talk to since drunk people tend to be less judgmental than sober people.

"Don't worry, spence. It'll be fun." I gave him a reassuring smile. He let out another sigh that let me know he didn't really believe me.

"Yeah, Reid. It'll be fun." Emily reiterated from the front seat. I didn't plan on leaving Spencer to fend for himself at this party of course. I planned on staying by his side until I was sure he was going to be fine, but I realized that might be a bit harder than I thought as we pulled up to the house. It was crowded with cars and some people hanging out on the front lawn. As we stepped out, we could hear the music coming from inside.

"This is definitely more than 'a few friends', Morgan." Spencer fidgeted with his hands nervous. Derek patted his back before clapping his shoulder and shaking him slightly.

"You'll be just fine, pretty boy." He said before him and Emily walked off and into the house. Spencer's anxiety was very apparent as he cracked and played with his fingers.

"We can leave if you really want to." I offered once I realized something like this might be way to out of his comfort zone. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"No, no, it's fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked again just to make sure he was ok with this. He nodded his head yes so I linked my arm with his as I lead him into the party.

From the amount of cars parked outside of course I expected there to be way more people than previously anticipated, but I definitely didn't expect this many people. I held onto spencer's arm a bit tighter as we walk through the sea of people. I saw some people head down to where I assumed the basement was and lead spencer down the stairs. It was calmer down there, less people and softer music. So I thought this would be a better environment for spencer, who was currently as stiff as a board. I unlinked my arm from his to give him some space. I spotted the vacant couch and gestured for him to follow me as he went on about how Morgan was a liar.

"'Just a few people' he said. He promised just a few people! This is what I get for trusting him. He's always trying to get me to go to parties with him, of course it wasn't gonna be 'just a few people.'" His rant continued as we walked.

"Yes, yes, Derek is a liar and I'll put salt in his coffee tomorrow. But for now, just try to have a bit of fun tonight, ok?" I sat down on the couch, making myself comfortable. He sighed heavily and nodded.

"Ok, I'll try." He sat down, awkwardly positioned on the edge with his hands on his knees. It was obvious he felt uncomfortable sitting on a strange couch with God knows what on it. There was an ottoman beside the coffee table that looked like it opened up, so I opened it in hope to find something for spencer to sit on. Sure enough there was a thin blanket that looked clean.

"Here, up." I ordered him to stand and he did without a word. Cute.

I draped the blanket over the couch and gestured for spencer to sit back down. He smiled me gratefully as he sat back down, now looking much more comfortable.

"Thank you." I waved my hand dismissively, I mean it's the least I could do for making him come here. Some people filed back upstairs, so I saw an opportunity a drink from upstairs while it was basically empty down here.

"Will you be ok if I go get a drink?" He looked up at me with his gorgeous brown eyes, which made me want to just sit back down and forget about the drink.

"Yes, I'll be fine." He gave me a tight liped smile. I was reluctant to leave him, but I walked off regardless.

~~~

I felt awkward sitting all alone. After y/n left, I just started fiddling with my hands and looking around. I wish I had told y/n to stay. She was the only reason I had came and now without her here, i felt out of place.

I hear a group of people come down the stairs, their loud laughing filling the room. I get insanely anxious when I realize their voices getting closer to me.

"Hey man, mind if we sit here with you?" One of the guys ask. Of course I couldn't say no. Well technically I could, but I don't know how without coming across rude.

"Uh, yeah, sure." I slide over to the very end of the couch as 2 of them sat down and the others sat on the floor or stood. They continued their loud conversation and I wondered if I should just leave.

"Whatever, star wars and star trek are basically the same thing." One girl said from the floor. I suddenly thought back to earlier and the promise i made to y/n to try and have fun. So I interjected before I could over think it.

"Actually, Star Trek is more based on probable science as basis for it's plot while star wars is more sci-fantasy more focused on how people react to their surroundings, instead of how the surroundings are possible." I regretted opening my mouth immediately. They stared at me, surprised I had spoken to them.

"Thank you!" The guy sitting beside me shouted. "See! I told you!" He pointed at the girl who was speaking earlier. She simply rolled her eyes at him and he turned his head to me.

"Continue telling her how wrong she is." They all looked at me, waiting for me to continue my informational rant. Which I happily did. As I talked more about the differences and similarities between the 2 worlds, one of the guys, who I hadn't noticed had left, approached us with a plate of brownies. He held them out to the group and they all excitedly reached for them.

"You want one to?" He offered and held the plate out further so I could reach it. Of course I wasn't going to pass up a free treat, so I took one without giving it much thought.

"Thank you." I chewed on the browine as I carried on with what I was saying before being interrupted. This night is turning out to be fun after all. I do wish y/n was her though.

"Can I have another one please?"

~~~

Upstairs felt like a nostalgia trip back to high school. A room flooded with drunk people and people groping each other. It took some time to navigate my way through everyone and it took even longer finding the kitchen. But I eventually found my way. I was delighted seeing the familiar face of Derek Morgan as I entered.

"Well if it isn't the liar." He looked up from pouring his drink. He smiled at me and laughed.

"How's boy genius doing?" He asked as he took a sip of whatever drink he mixed together.

"I think he might climb out a window and run home any second now." I grabbed 2 empty solo cups, filling one up with water and the other with vodka and cranberry juice. Derek laughed.

"Ah I think he has a compelling reason to stay." He winked at me and I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks. I regret telling him about my crush on spencer. I told him to shut up, which just make him chuckle.

We talked for a few minutes about how Emily had almost immediately found a girl to flirt with and has been with her all night. And almost as if on cue, she walked in. We all teased her about her party crush for a few minutes, until the teasing turn onto me. I also regretted telling Emily about my crush.

I hadn't realized how much time had passed till Emily mentioned something about spencer being left alone for so long. A whole 30 minutes had passed since I had come upstairs and I immediately felt bad for ditching spencer for so long without a word. I quickly grabbed the 2 cups and bid them goodbye before hurrying off.

Getting through all the people took longer than before since I had to be extra careful as to not spill anything. I felt relieved when I finally reached the stairs to the basement. I was worried that spencer had been just sitting there for the past half an hour in silence. But my worries were quickly squandered as I saw him talking with a group of people who looked to be about our age. He had changed spots, now sitting criss-cross on the coffee table while all the other's surrounded him like it was story time.

"And I don't understand why leia kissed luke if she literally said in return of the jedi that she always knew he was her brother." Spencer babbled on as the people around hilm laughed loudly.

"Hey, spence." I saw his eye's light up when he saw me and he smiled wide.

"Y/n!" He threw his hands up, which caused him to almost fall backwards. He caught himself just in time and giggled a bit. It wasn't until I got closer to him that I noticed how red his eyes were. That, mixed with his odd behavior, it was clear he was not sober.

"Are you stoned?" I tried my best to contain my laughter, but it was funny watching him rock back and forth looking like he was really thinking about the question i just asked.

"Yes. No. I only had 2 brownies." He counted 2 on his fingers and held them up to me. The people he was talking to all started laughing and spencer joined in with them, probably not registering they were laughing at him.

"Ok, wanna come with me to a quiet place away from these people?" I leaned in closer to him, careful not to let the others hear. He doesn't say anything right away, just looks at me with an expression i couldn't place, but one that made my stomach flutter.

"Yes, please." He whispers back and stands up quickly. He sways back and forth for a moment before steady himself.

"We're gonna go somewhere else." Spencer tells the group and they all start booing in protest and all shouting disappointed "no's". Spencer seemed unbothered by them, but does say a quick apology regardless. I gestured for him to follow me as I stared walking away. He waved them goodbye before hurrying after me.

I lead him down a dimly lit hallway and into an unlocked room, which thankfully had no one in it. It appeared to be a guest room that was pretty empty, besides a queen bed, a night stand with a lamp and a rug.

"Those people were nice. They knew nothing about star trek though." Spencer sat down on the rug, returning to his criss-cross position.

"You do know there's a bed right there." I laughed, pointing to the bed that was right behind him. He shrugged.

"The rug looked softer." He said as he felt the rug. I took a seat next to him, putting the drinks off to the side. He looked completely out of it, like he was on a different planet.

"How are you feeling?" I asked and leaned back against the bed.

"Weird."

"I assume you've never been stoned before?" He shakes his head.

"I've read about the effects of marijuana, euphoria, altered perception, impaired memory and cognition. But It's so much different actually experiencing it first hand. It feels weird. I also probably shouldn't have ate 2 of those brownies. Brownies sound really good right now. Oh! Another effect of marijuana is increased appetite, or the "munchies" as they call it." He smacked his lips together, then licks them.

"My mouth is really dry." I couldn't help but laugh. This is definitely not how i expected this night to go. He turns to me as I laugh with a painfully cute expression that made my stomach flip. I reached for the cup of water i had gotten for him earlier and handed it to him.

"Here." I chuckled and he took it quickly. He didn't even look to see what was in the cup before downing the whole thing. Once he had finished, he whipped his mouth and put the cup down.

"Thank you. Your so kind." He turned to me and smiled gratefully. He looked absolutely beautiful in that moment. His hair was slightly messy, his eyes were glossed over and dreamy looking, his smile was simply adorable and the light was hitting him just right. His compliment made me blush and I turned away from his gaze. I felt him continue to stare at me.

"I'm sorry you're stuck taking care of me. I know you probably wanted to have fun tonight." His face had dropped and he sighed.

"It's ok, spence. I am having fun." I reassured him. Witnessing his first experience being high was admittedly very entertaining. He sighed again. He just looked at me in silence for a few moments, making me nervous.

"You're so amazing." He blurts out suddenly. His words took me by surprise and I felt my face heat up, probably now a light shade of pink.

"You're so pretty too. And caring, and smart, and funny, and pretty." His tone was light and distant, like he wasn't aware he wad saying all this out loud. That made me snap back to reality and remember that he was high. I felt a wave of disappointment hit me when I realized he was probably just saying all this stuff because he was stoned, not because he meant it.

"Ok, spence." I said dismissively and laughed a bit to hide my disappointment.

"I think you're the most amazing person I've ever met. I mean, there's a party happening right now and you choose to stay with me. You're always doing that, taking care of me. I think that's why I love you so much." The last part really caught my attention, my disappointment quickly dissipating and being replaced with shock.

Did he really just say that? I know I shouldn't take anything he says right now seriously, but admitting that he loves me seems pretty serious. I take a few seconds just to process what he had just said. I was sure he didn't mean it like that, I'm sure he meant as just a friend. But that didn't stop my heart from fluttering.

"What?" I finally said with a uncontrollable smile on my face. He turned to me, confused.

"What?"

"You just said you love me." His eyes widened and he shot up straight.

"What?!" He looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. He groaned, putting his head in his hands and shaking his head.

"Spence, it's ok. I know you didn't mean it like that." He sighed. He said something, but it was muffled by his hands.

"I can't hear you." He sighed again and lifed his head up so i could hear him clearer.

"I did mean it like that." He said, his voice quite and low. I couldn't believe what i had heard, so I just stared at him in shock for a moment. He glanced over to me when I didn't say anything for to long, groaning when he saw my shocked expression.

"Ugh, this is not how I wanted to tell you." He put his head back in his hands and slouched forward.

"I know you don't feel the same and we're just friends. I'm so sorry, y/n. You can forget I ever said that, i don't want it to be awkward or uncomfortable for you. I just-"

"Who said I didn't feel the same?" I cut him off before he got to in his head. He turned his head so face that I thought he'd get whipe lash, his red eyes wide in surprise.

"Wait, what?" The look on his face made me giggle.

"You're smart and funny and kind and you're insanely cute, you understand me in a way no one ever has. You're so passionate about your work and helping people. You're the most incredible, extraordinary person I've ever known. How could I not love you?" I felt a huge weight lift off my chest as I tell him everything I've wanted to say to him for so long. He just stares at me wide eyed, his mouth opening like he was about to say something, but then closing it again.

"I- what- wait- huh?" He stammered, making me laugh.

"I'm sorry, it must be the drugs or my own wishful thinking. But did you just say what I think you said?" A piece of hair fell onto his face, so I tucked it behid his ear. His face turned red and his mouth hung agape slightly.

"Maybe we should talk about this when you're sober."

"No, I want to talk about it now." He scooted closer to me. I was almost certain this is not how he wanted this conversation to go, him stoned out of his mind and in some random room in a random house. Of course I wanted to say it again, to tell him I love him and that I've loved him for years. But I'd rather tell him that when he can process more than 1/2 things at once.

"Later, when you're not baked like a cake." He laughed like it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

"'Baked like a cake'" He repeated after his laughter died down to a frequent giggle. His face suddenly turned more serious and he looked me right in the eye.

"Cake sounds so good right now." His face was so serious, like he had to have cake at that very moment or someone would kill his whole family. The intensity on his face was enough to make me burst into laughter. I had to look away from him to compose myself, so I didn't see him go to lay down. I felt his head rest on my thighs, the sudden contact taking me by surprise. I look down to see him turned away from me with his eye's closed.

After my initial shock disappeared, I hesitantly ran my fingers through his hair. He sighed in content and placed his hand on my knee. I smiled to myself as I continued to play with his hair.

"I'm tired." He mumbled. As if almost on cue, i felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out to reveal a text from Derek. I chuckled as I read it over.

"Well you're in luck because Emily puked on a girl and now we're leaving." I tried to get up, but his head remained on my lap.

"Come on, spence. You gotta get up." He groaned in protest and gripped my leg to keep me in place.

"Don't wanna."

"Spencer." I said softly. I didn't want to move either, but unless we wanted to take a taxi home, we had to get up. He sighed before pushing himself up, his hair a complete mess. I reached over to fix it for him, combing his hair with my fingers. He looked at me like I was an angel on earth, his eyes fixed on me. Though the urge to pull him in right then was strong, but I had to get him home.

"Come on." I stood, reaching my hand out to help him up. I interlocked his hand with mine once he had stood up. I lead him out the door, back out to the basement, upstairs and through the crowd to the front yard where Derek was waiting for us.

"Hey, love birds." He smirked when he caught sight of our interlocked hands.

"Hi, Morgan. Do you have any snacks in your car?" Spencer asked. Morgan looked at him funny and smiled wide when he saw his red eyes.

"Are you baked?" Spencer giggled to himself before responding.

"Like a cake." He started laughing and Derek looked at me for answers.

"I'll tell you later." Derek nodded and walked over to his car, me and spencer following behind. Emily was already in the front seat, passed out. I felt bad for how she was going to feel in the morning.

The ride home was quiet, besides the occasional snore coming from Emily. I turned to Spencer to see him fighting off sleep, his eyes just slivers and struggling to keep his head up. I squeeze his hand to get his attention. He turned to me with tired eyes and I gestured for him to lean his head on my shoulder. He whispered a "thank you" before resting his head on my shoulder. We stayed that way till we reached Spencer's apartment complex.

I shook him slightly as we parked outside his building. His eyes opened slightly and he removed his head from my shoulder.

"Come on, I'll walk you inside." He gave me a tired smile. I escorted him out the car and into his building.

He talked about the book he was reading on the way up to his apartment, he barely making any sense as he did so. Once we reached his door he got quiet.

"You really meant it right?" He asked and I looked at him confused.

"Meant what?"

"What you said earlier." I smiled once I realized what he was talking about.

"Of course I meant it."

"Good. I meant it to." He smiled sweetly. I would've never imagined that spencer would like me back, or that I'd find out this way. But I'm happy regardless. I'm so happy. Spencer Reid, my best friend, loves me.

I cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He looked at me wide eyed when I pulled away.

"Goodnight, spence."

"G'night." He muttered, his surprise still evident. I waved him goodbye before heading back down to the car.

The ride back to my place consisted of telling Morgan how spencer had managed to get high on accident and him telling me how Emily drank way to much, resulting in her throwing up all over the girl she'd been flirting with. I left out the love confession part to avoid any further torment that spencer would definitely have to endure from him at work.

As he talked about what had happened while me and spencer where in the basement, I thought about everything that had happened. My smile grew more and more as I replayed the events of tonight. Just then, I felt my phone buzz. My smile growing impossibly wide when I read the text on the screen.

*ate everything in my fridge. I love you.*

I laughed before typing my response.

*I love you too.*

~~~

A/n: first tumblr fic guys! This was longer then i expected so oopsies my b �� anyways, hope you enjoyed!

[sparkly-sediment]

Tf2 Mercs Weedequitte

Asks are open my little giggle biscuits!

Scout

He hands that joint back WET

Slobber dripping off the sides, the tips cold when you go to take a puff, and you can see the corner of his mouth glisten

If Scout ever got high he would have munchies and get scared. He would have to go outside and walk around, maybe even hug a tree for comfort

Coughing and gagging in the most annoying way possible. Like that one cat picture with its protruding tongue and watery eyes void of complex thought

Scout couldn’t handle a bong. Just couldn’t. Stick to a cold can of bang! He might try to make a bong outta a bang can, but he won’t figure it out

Soldier

Do not give him weed.

Do not give him anything.

Dont give him any drug hes insane nuts bonkers and, yes, even bananas

He took acid once by mistake. Ended up in Europe a year after the war ended

Soldier is borderline on a good day but king will spiral into a drug induced psychosis. There will be bugs, skin, and a whole lot of paperwork for Medic

Wouldn’t even smoke he’s a total fucking narc too

Says devils lettuce

Demoman

Uses every weed euphemism known to man

Mary J is his fav. Kush, grass, gas, doubie, all of them

Approaches Sniper while the poor bastard making his trek between camper and civilization. Demo does an insinuating chuckle and says, ‘let’s make love to that wee lass Mary J’

Sniper starts running

He prefers drinking but this guy smoked some grass back in the day. Doesn’t fuck around and can pass a blunt without falling out

In half baked, Demo is the guy who gets munchies and accidentally kills the horse

Will smoke with Sniper and always provides what he can or hits a curtesy role, but he doesn’t pursue weed much and if snipes didn’t share, probably wouldn’t smoke

It does help the pain from his missing eye!

Pyro

One time, he got wild.

Pyro burned down an entire pot grow and was absolutely spazzing off that za rolling his way down the mountain

They were on the astral plane the entire hike down. Pyro crashed through the trees, crawled, laughed hysterically, cried, and vomited. Pyro drank water from a creek thinking it was the fountain of immortality

Pyro befrinded a squirrle named Banabo Jo. He knew Jo and knew his people were wise and brave. Banabo Jo recognized Pyro’s mystical capabilities and ability to see beyond, thus creating a mutual respect and brotherhood.

Banabo Jo guided Pyro from the mountain top and into the Heart of the Valley. He watched over as Pyro awaited rescue and gave the sacred squirrel farewell through the van window

(hypersensitive to drug induced psychosis)

Heavy

Rolls a blunt on Medic’s back and smokes it while they fuck

Smokes weed but only pipes. Very rarely will roll with paper, typically in the aforementioned situation

He can do some of the smoke tricks like puffing out O’s. He cannot french inhale and tbh has a chronic stuffy nose 😏

Medic

Wholeheartedly believe in and support the usage of medical marijuana

Smoked a little weed in university, but his classmates were too scared of him to invite him to the smoke sesh

He kinda gives off narc vibes!! Completely chill though, unless he could gain from blackmailing you

Asks if Sniper wants to puff and Sniper is shocked! Medic uses pompous words like oder tho and not the German oder

Arches his back so Heavy can sprinkle some flower on him for the roll-hole ritual

Engineer

Scene in Top Gun, “we’re in the spirit world asshole!” HIM OKAY HIM

Builds intricate and sick as fuck bong structures, dab rigs, and some real crazy stoner shit.

He love getting blazed and tinker with something, but that did cost him the tip of his pinkie finger

He’s a lightweight and really just skims a hit or two and bounces

Totally hotboxes that fucking workshop

Spy

He’s a classy kind of smoker

No weed inside, at least not his house. Very discreet about it and even if he was just in the world’s foggiest hotbox, he would never snell like week

No weed smell ever it’s incredible

Mainly sticks to cigarettes but he will smoke with Sniper.

Smoking, whether it be weed or cigarettes, is a form of foreplay for them fr

He never has cotton mouth either

Sniper!!

Save the best for last bc he is a canon pothead

Sniper just tries to be a chill guy. Go to work, fire a gun, smoke some weed. Would he like more? Sure. But is he okay where he’s at? Good enough

The first to discover his gardening habit was Spy. The whole breaking and entering thing really gives away secrets

Sniper has SO MUCH TEA. Various team members come to him and smoke, which is cool with him. He prefers when they replenish his stash, though. Or at least give him something in return

When they smoke they also complain. Inhibitions are dropped and suddenly Sniper knows that Demo is pissed at Medic for not letting him drink rubbing alcohol, every though Demo knew it would kill him, because he and Pyro were trying to light a burp on fire

He only enjoys smoking with Spy and Ms. Pauling. Pauling is fun and they talk mad shit together, maybe do something stupid on a minor scale

Spy and Sniper venture into the bush if yk what im saying. Weed is just kinda a plus but Spy can get too zesty sometimes

[paninicupcakke]

(CW!! Smoking / substance abuse)

My headcanon’s for the mercs relationship with marijuana!!! :D

-Sniper is a stoner no one can tell me other wise. I just KNOW he is smokin that dank hydro zaza with Scout in his van. He seems like the type to only roll joints and blunts but if he gets his hand on a bong he’ll gluggluglgulg 💨 I could see him and Scout planning out a heist on a smoke shop tbh.

-Scout is a noob to smoking. He smokes from a small pipe or a one hitter. Something small he can shove in his bag or pocket. He also steals and begs for joints off of Sniper when he can because bro cannot roll a joint to save his life. He’s also spoiled and cannot be bothered to grind weed with his bare fingers he will whine and complain if he has to.

-Soldier has definitely smoked countless times by mistaking a joint for a hand rolled cigarette. Whenever he’s high he turns into a complete softy. Super affectionate and way calmer than usual. He feels comfortable spilling his guts out to anyone nearby and will most likely start crying and hugging them. Also whenever he gets the munchies he will fuck up a whole box of cereal by himself.

-Spy will smoke weed on occasion but it’s not his preferred substance. He’ll take one or two hits if Sniper passes him a lit joint but it’s not a usual occurrence. Spy definitely likes some edibles though. I could see him mixing some edible chocolate in his coffee on his day off or taking a gummy before bed to help him fall asleep.

-Medic is down for micro dosing some strong ass edibles. I could see him making a secret batch for himself and doing his best to hide them from everyone else. When high he is very giggly, docile and sleepy. He’ll mostly likely just pass tf out since he’s usually exhausted from carrying the whole squad on his back.

-Heavy is down for an edible on his day off and will only smoke on a festive occasion. It’s not really his thing. He prefers drinking and cigars. He more so enjoys watching Medic get high though. He adores watching his partner become so relaxed and giggly when high.

-Pyro does not smoke. He likes it when other’s smoke around him though because he gets to be the designated lighter for his teammates. He carries matches and a lighter on him at all times so Sniper, Scout & Spy usually scramble to find Pyro whenever they desperately need a lighter. He has definitely eaten an edible on accident though. When high this dude is glued to the sofa, completely inaudible and staring off into space. Just daydreaming away.

-Engie got hit with that anti drug religious propaganda so he is very paranoid and refuses to try it. He firmly believes it is the devils lettuce. However he doesn’t actively go out of his way to stop anyone from smoking it though. The most he does is grumble and lecture his teammates whenever they do some dumb ass shit when high. I could see him lecturing Scout about how he should not wake & bake. If he does get high it would be on accident from an edible. Whenever the evil zaza possesses this man he gets a severe case of the munchies. He also acts very flirtatious and overly confident when high.

-Demoman is an alcoholic. Scrumpy is his drug of choice. He doesn’t mess around with smoking weed or cigs. He definitely has taken an edible with Soldier though. I could see them both getting into some stupid shenanigans together while they’re tripping balls. Him & Soldier get the munchies, they go fix themselves a snack and it ends up with someone dying or them setting the whole kitchen on fire. When high he is a very slow talker and would most likely be glued to the sofa staring up at the ceiling for a solid hour.

[onmyyan]

Marcos Delmont HC's

A/N: omg he's here NOT EDITED

TW'S : YANDERE, MURDER MENTIONED, POSSESSIVE, WEED

Marcos Delmont is the kinda guy your parents told you to stay away from, but you just can't help yourself.

6'2 and growing, he's not as big as his older brothers but he's still nothing to play with.

Possessive yandere give him all your love and everything will be smooth sailing.

Loves metal music.

Can play the guitar but rarely gets to.

Pierced his own ears in the kitchen one night cuz Manny bet he wouldn't.

Low-key a fashionista, no matter where he is he makes sure to look as good as possible.

Has a secret handshake with his twin.

He loves horror and thinks it's a romance genera.

When he smiles for real his eyes crinkle and the cutest dimple pops out on his left cheek.

Please wear his clothes.

Likes to take pictures of you, especially if you don't know he's there.

Bisexual and the last person to give him any shit about it ended up splattered all over the wall.

Sadistic in the way where he'll tease you until tears bead in your lashes just to kiss them away, he thinks you look so pretty when you cry for him.

But make no mistake, he's the only one allowed to make you cry. Anyone else who does is a problem. And he has a very permanent solution to those.

Has a warehouse in the dingiest part of town that's his little safe haven, this is where he likes to take his 'problems' has a drain in the floor for better clean up.

Killed the earliest out of all his brothers.

Also the best at it? Had a phase where he watched nothing but true crime just to learn what not to do.

Smells like good cologne and faintly of weed.

Has smoked the devils lettuce since he was a teenager and even has a side hustle where he sells it, no one besides Manny knows this, he's saving up to get away from his Father's iron grip.

It's not for moral reasons, he just has a problem with authority and taking orders for the rest of his life didn't fly with him.

Walks around like he knows he's the finest mf in the room.

Seems unshakable but between you and me he has days where all he does is lock himself in his room, bump mitski, and cry about the child he never got to be.

Huuuge fuckboy which is so ironic because all he wants is true, unrestricted, unconditional love, but he's terrified of letting anyone close enough to get it.

Bit of a pyro, loves how flames can be so beautiful and destructive at the same time.

Once lit a trash can on fire just to get his twin outta trouble.

Masochistic tendencies.

Kinda guy to smile like a psycho when someone tries to fight him because now he has an excuse to be violent.

Their last name carries serious weight in his town and he uses it to it's full advantage.

Since he's one of the youngest he's kinda spoilt, when he doesn't get his way immediately he will pitch a fit, someone usually ends up dead.

He and Manny have that weird twin telepathy.

Loves spicy food, it's the only thing he can make.

Knows how to ride a skateboard, before he could drive it's how he got around.

His reputation around campus was the guy you went to for the best bud, and if you wanted to get your back blown out no strings.

Tells people not to fall for him and they think he's being cocky, which to be fair he absolutely is, but it's also a valid warning.

Likes how people get addicted to him.

Never really felt all that bad when he broke hearts.

Then he meets you.

See before you He'd fool around with a guy and a girl in the same friend group and never have either find out, unless he was feeling particularly bored that day, then he'd tell them, but deliver it in such a 'heartfelt' and 'genuine' way they'd leave feeling sorry for upsetting him.

That all goes to say, he has an intimidating reputation by freshman year in college, but with the way your year had been, you deserved a good bake sesh to relax, so one day you muscled up the courage and took the plunge, unknowingly sealing your fate.

When he meets you, everything changes for him. You shyly pull him aside at the party of some asshole he can't remember, the girl he'd been chatting up literally tossed aside as he gave you his full attention. He'd seen you around campus before, darting between your friends and classes like a little bunny on a mission. The thought had him laser focused, what could such a sweet thing want with the schools big bad wolf?

"Hey Marcos right? I'm (Y/n). From science?" You stuck out your hand to shake his in what he could only describe as an adorable display of dork. He returned the gesture snd tried not to visibly jump at the jolt of electricity that ran up his arm the second he made contact with your soft skin.

"Hello (Y/n) from science." He took a purposeful sip of his cup, tongue flicking over the bottoms of his teeth, "What God do I gotta' thank for getting you to finally talk to me?" He could tell the laugh you gave was real and all of a sudden that's all he wanted to do, be the reason you made such pretty sounds.

"I heard you have good bud? Am I saying that right? I swear I'm not a narc I'm just poorly socialized." This time he genuinely laughed, the unfamiliar feeling blooming in his core- it scared him, terrified him in how fast he became addicted to it. "I think you're nailing it personally- here let's go upstairs I know just the thing to help." He made a big show of bowing for your hand which pulled more flustered giggles from you.

You moved to gently place your hand in his before hesitating. "This isn't gonna' cut to you 'Michael Myersing' me right?" He could see the actual worry hidden behind the humor you used and then and there something in him shifted, he usually took both delight and active participation in others despair, but that fearful look in your eye when you asked, didn't sit well within him all at, he dropped his hand to put down his drink at the closest counter, then quickly pulled out his phone before gesturing for you to do the same, and flipped it around to show an older womans smiling face.

"This is my mom's number- I do anything you don't like or say something particularly stupid, you can call her and tell her I'm up to no good which would in fact be signing my death certificate." You stared at him in disbelief before adding the number to speed dial, "Okay- lead the way." You nodded in the direction of the stairs pulling the grin back to his lips. He gently threaded his fingers with your own and all at once he understood why his Father's personality shifted in front of his Mother the way it did- why he softened for her.

First time he spends the night at your place he just assumes you wanna get down and dirty because he's never not fucked after being invited over, but then you're like 'no I actually just wanted to cuddle and talk, tell me about your day :)" he can tell your actually interested and it makes him feel all sorts of things, he's used to people wanting him for his body, so when you hold him against your chest he starts bawling.

He's never truly felt held, not like that, tells you he loves you that night.

"I'm not some bitch made guy who's gonna wait till' you say because that's what I'm "supposed" to do- I know what I feel, I know I love you."

Whines when you leave the bed, even if you're just going to pee he's waiting for you when you get back.

Likes the intimacy of bathing with you, not even sexy times, just being there in such a vulnerable state.

When he rolls up better believe you're in his lap, he claims his blunts come out prettier when he's looking at you.

Love languages are quality time, gift giving, and physical touch.

He's low-key insatiable when it comes to you, half of him feels immensely guilty he had partners before you and the other half is proud because those experiences made him know his way around the bedroom.

[luulapants]

“I don’t use cannabis. How do I write characters that do?”

This long-criminalized psychoactive drug is having a renaissance in the US these days, now legal for recreational use in 21 states. That means there are even more ways that people use cannabis. It’s still illegal in most of the world, and I will be writing primarily about use in the US, where my experience is.

What should I call it?

Ganja. The Devil’s Lettuce. Dank. Mary Jane. There are endless epithets for this drug, and most of them will make you sound absolutely ridiculous unless used as a joke. The use of the Spanish name, marijuana, is traced to efforts to use American xenophobia to demonize it. Cannabis is the technical English term you would hear in, say, a police report. Your average Joe on the street, though, will say either “weed” or “pot.”

Who’s using cannabis?

More people than you might think! Stereotypes once painted this as the drug of racial minorities, hippies, burnouts, and teenagers. These days, anyone you could imagine with a glass of wine at the end of the day could be going home to a cannabis gummy. People use cannabis to deal with chronic health issues like pain, insomnia, or anxiety. Some partake as a rare indulgence, like a cigar on a special occasion. The vast majority of people who use cannabis do so in moderation.

Habitual users are easier to spot - people who make pot a huge part of their lifestyle. They might talk about it incessantly. They might be stoned at inappropriate times or wake ‘n’ bake (getting stoned first thing in the morning and, presumably, staying stoned all day). Cannabis is not physically addictive, but for people self-medicating other issues, it can be psychologically addictive the same way as shopping or gambling. People can become dependent on it to help them fall asleep or regulate their moods, in absence of other coping mechanisms. Just as with alcohol, someone who frequently uses cannabis alone is at higher risk of dependence than someone who uses occasionally or only in social situations.

Where do they get it?

Depending local laws, a person might have access to a medical or recreational cannabis dispensary. Recreational dispensaries can serve anyone who is above the legal age. Medical dispensaries require a prescription. These are really easy to get, and the dispensary may even have someone on site that can diagnose you (with pain or anxiety usually) and write a scrip. In addition to many forms of cannabis, they may sell glassware, vapes, or other paraphernalia.

A dispensary is like any retail location with a couple of differences: Most merchandise will be locked in cases or behind the counter, due to the regulated nature of the substances they’re selling. They may have extra security measures, like a security guard or bulletproof dividers at the counter. This is because dispensaries are cash only and usually have large amounts of cash on location, because conflicts with federal law mean banks can’t work with them.

Not having legal access to a dispensary isn’t the only reason someone might skip it, though. Dispensaries, due to overhead, liability, and very high taxes, are super expensive. If your character can’t get to a dispensary or has strapped finances, they will probably turn to a street dealer.

The local dealer or weed man is never a normal person. If you are depicting a weed man in your story, please keep this in mind. They are weird in different ways, but they’re all weird. You find them through personal connections, and a friend usually has to vouch for you before you can meet them. You might go to their place or they might come to yours. They may have a public meet-up location (park next to me in the McDonald’s parking lot after midnight). If you’re nice and the dealer likes you, they may smoke you out, meaning you smoke a bowl together from their personal stash, free of charge. One stereotype is a dealer who doesn’t have any real friends and makes it difficult to leave the drug deal because he wants to hang out. You then have to tactfully (without offending/losing your dealer) engineer an escape.

Otherwise, you might buy from friends, reimburse them for a buy they made, or throw down some cash when someone shares their weed with you.

Are there different types?

Yes! There are lots of different strains and crossbreeds of cannabis, most with lofty or whimsical names (purple unicorn kush, hazy sunrise sativa). If you go to a dispensary, a sales person will give you extensive ��high profiles” of how different strains make you feel: “This one won’t make you as paranoid.” “This one is a very mellow high.”

Honestly, (and I might get assassinated for saying this) most of it is bullshit. Different strains have different chemical compositions and will act differently, but each person’s individual physiology is going to have a much larger impact, so Mr. X and Ms. Y will react more differently to strain A than the difference between how Mr. X reacts to strains A or B. And the dude at the dispensary is entirely unqualified to tell you how a strain will impact you, personally. Your expectation of its effects and how much you consume are also major factors.

One scientifically proven difference is the impact of different THC and CBD content. THC is the psychoactive component and CBD is responsible for more physical effects. The two major variants: Indicas are high in CBD, more sedative, and better at pain reduction and appetite increase. Sativas are high in THC, more stimulating, uplifting, and can help with creativity.

Whether your character knows anything about different strains will more about them than what strains they choose: whether they pay top dollar for designer weed strains or if they’re just buying whatever the local weed man has. The weed man may talk a big game about the strain they’re selling, and some of it might even be true. But usually, their stuff is not top shelf and, aside from low-budget weed aficionados, most of their customers don’t care.

Edibles

Edibles are foods with THC and/or CBD. Edibles might suggest a character who’s more health conscious, not wanting to inhale smoke, or who is more secretive about their cannabis use - edibles won’t leave a smell behind. People who only started using after it was legalized might be comfortable with eating a gummy even if they still have negative criminal connotations with smoking.

THC and CBD are fat-soluble, so edibles are usually made by infusing butter (for baked goods) or oil (for other products) with cannabis. If your character is into cooking, they might make their own weed butter, keep it in the fridge, and bake brownies or cookies with it. Usually, you can’t really taste the difference. If they’re looking for something portable or easy to hide, gummies or other candies are the way to go.

Dosage is important with edibles because it takes longer for your body to process them, so the onset of the high is significantly delayed. Whoever made the edible should tell you how many milligrams are in each item. How much you should eat depends on your body weight, tolerance, and how stoned you want to get. You can’t overdose, but you can have a really, really bad time if you get too high. The classic joke is that someone will be warned not to eat too much, have half an edible, say, “These edibles ain’t shit,” eat the rest, and then when it finally does kick in, they’re on-the-moon high.

Smoking

Let’s clear one thing up: smoking anything is bad for your lungs. That said, people do be smoking weed! Unlike edibles, smoking has near-immediate effects. The whole high doesn’t hit you at once, but someone with a low tolerance will feel something by the time they exhale that first puff. Unlike cigarettes, when a person smokes weed (takes a hit), they are supposed to inhale deeply and hold the smoke in their lungs for as long as they can before exhaling.

Before your character smokes out of anything, the first step is to grind up the weed. The part of the plant which is smoked are the buds: dense, greenish clumps which are ideally sticky to the touch. (Old, shitty weed will be dry and brownish.) These are placed in a grinder, a metal contraption which is twisted to move metal teeth inside and break the buds into small pieces. Ground-up weed will dry up faster, so it’s best not to grind until you’re ready to smoke.

Joints are made by taking a small piece of rolling paper, sprinkling a line of weed into them, then rolling it up. The edge is licked to seal it and both ends twisted closed. They’re smoked like a cigarette. If you add tobacco, it’s called a spliff. Most adults will add in a filter or roach on the mouth-end so the smoke is less harsh, and leaving it out speaks to being un-fussy. Like a burrito, you ideally want a nice, fat joint, but hubris can lead you to an overfilled, falling-apart mess. Joint rolling is a skill developed with practice, so your character’s ability to do so successfully or unsuccessfully will speak to their experience. Joints are cheap and portable, so good for tight budgets or someone on the move.

Blunts are similar to joints but made with tobacco paper - the brown paper that cigars are wrapped in. You can buy tobacco paper on its own, but more commonly, they’re made by buying cheap, sometimes flavored, cigars (like swisher sweets), cutting them open, dumping out the tobacco, and stuffing them full of weed. They’re bigger, so there’s a lot more weed in them, and they’re also wider than a joint, so each hit delivers more cannabis. Blunts are associated with urban Black culture.

Glassware includes pipes, bongs, chillums, bubblers, and other smoking vessels made of glass. These can be simple or beautifully decorative. A simple pipe might cost $10-15. A huge, artistic bong could cost upwards of a thousand. Glass is the most popular material for smoking vessels. All of these consist of a bowl where the weed is packed (”pack a bowl”) connected to an end where your mouth goes. The smoker places their mouth on the end, then holds a lighter flame over the weed in the bowl. They inhale, which draws the flame down into the bowl and causes the weed to smolder (not catch fire). The weed may continue to smolder enough for the next hit or the lighter may need to be used again. When the bowl is all burned, it’s cashed.

A pipe has a simple tube from the bowl and a small hole for the mouth, plus a carb hole on the side of the bowl, which must be covered while inhaling. The carb allows air into the bowl when not smoking, so the weed doesn’t burn too quickly between hits. The longer the stem, the less harsh the hit will be, because the smoke has time to cool off. Pipes are less harsh than joints and blunts but still pretty rough. A pipe can be made of many different materials. DIY pipes carved out of apples are a classic “no other options” stand-in. A chillum is a type of pipe that is straight, with the bowl facing outwards instead of upwards with no carb. A pipe with a very small bowl is called a one-hitter, since you can only fit one hit in it. A character might choose a pipe for portability, ease of hiding, or price.

A bubbler is a water pipe that uses water to cool and condense the smoke. The hole leading from the bowl descends into a small, enclosed compartment of water. The smoke goes into the water, then rises up a second tube to the small hole for the mouth. Like a dry pipe, it has a carb next to the bowl. They’re about two to three times the size of a dry pipe, not as portable, and more expensive. They are much less harsh than a pipe, though, and a good compromise between a pipe and a bong.

A bong is a long tube with a large water vessel at the bottom, usually like an Erlenmeyer flask with a really long neck The top has an opening which fits around the smoker’s mouth. The bowl is not connected but is shaped like a funnel with a stem that fits into a long tube that descends into the water vessel. Instead of a hit, smoking from a bong is called a rip. The smoke goes into the water, where it’s cooled and condensed, then continues to cool as it moves up the long neck to the smoker’s mouth. The bong will fill with smoke as long as there is suction between your mouth and the smoldering bowl. To end the suction, the stem is removed so clean air can replace the smoke as you inhale it. In order to not waste smoke, you should know how much you can inhale compared to the volume of the bong. Bongs can be filled with ice to cool the smoke further or have multiple chambers and twisty necks. They are much easier on the lungs than pipes or bubblers. They are also large, cumbersome, easy to break, hard to hide, and can be expensive. A character that owns a bong is a dedicated weed smoker with their own space where they don’t need to hide it, and the quality or lavishness of the bong will say a lot. Broke characters could improvise a bong by cutting a hole in a plastic bottle and inserting a tin foil funnel. That is janky as hell.

Finally, vaping cannabis took off in popularity at the same time as vaping tobacco. Cannabis oil cartridges are installed into a small vape pen, which can then be smoked somewhat discretely (less smelly than smoke, but it still smells!) with supposedly less damage to the lungs.

Effects

Different people react differently, much of which is based on their physiology and their mental state. Anxious people may become more anxious. Depressed people may become more lethargic. Affectionate people might get cuddly. Here’s some key elements:

Stoned/Faded: Reaction times slow. Memory becomes worse. Time perception is altered. You might repeat the same conversation over and over. The body feels heavy. Everything seems funny. You might become hyperfocused on something very specific or become intensely immersed in a story or TV show. Imagination and creative thinking improve. You may feel sleepy or serene.

Paranoia: Paradoxically, cannabis can create anxious paranoia, usually related to worrying that everyone can tell you’re high. The world looks very different to you, so it’s hard to imagine that you don’t look different to it. Slow reaction times mean that you might not notice someone moving until they already have, which can be startling and make you jump.

The Munchies: Cannabis is useful for people with appetite or nausea issues because it does cause cravings and the urge to eat. It doesn’t cause hunger, just intense craving. The intense focus of being stoned lets you focus on flavors more, which means food usually tastes better.

Baked: This term is synonymous with ‘stoned’ but it also implies some unpleasant side effects, like dry or bloodshot eyes, smoke-rough throats and voices, and an oppressive laziness that makes it hard to do things.

Second Stoning: Happens to some people, not all. Because THC bonds with fats, if you consume fats while you’re stoned, it will become bonded with those fats as they’re stored in your body. Your body fat works on a first-in-last-out system, so if you burn fat the day after toking up, the THC will be released into your system, causing you to get high again.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know!

[xerith-42]

My Street Stoner Headcanons

This is part 1 in a series of posts I wanna make about different characters in the Aphverse who partake in the devil's lettuce.

Important disclaimer, I don't really like My Street! It peaked with season 2, it's got a lot of problems from day one that remain problems in it's sixth season, they manage to have TWO beach SEASONS and neither one has someone who was easily one of the main characters of the series it was based on, and it really lost the plot. Like way faster than MCD did. But there is stuff to love about it.

I love the idea of My Street as it was initially promised. A slice of lice modern AU of MCD that is a SLICE OF LIFE. No grand stakes of the universe, nobody's getting blown up (unless it's for comedic effect), and nobody's dying. It's about a bunch of young adults, some of whom have known each other since high school or longer, all living on the same street together and the day to day shenanigans they get up to. So basically Season 3 but the entire series is like that. This is my very long winded way of saying that none of the "lore" of My Street matters to me and when you read my headcanons, know that I ignore the canon of My Street more than I ignore the canon of Minecraft Diaries. I don't care about the angels, I just want to get high with my friends.

Anyways wanna smoke some weed?

Blaze is the main weed dealer of My Street. Man has both an indoor and outdoor garden with multiple plants. He and the werewolf trio all live together and they actually help him out with his business sometimes. It's the main way Blaze pays rent on their place and also just a great side hustle. Like Blaze never has to worry about money, and he's constantly giving free stuff to his friends if they want it.

His first ever costumer in the friend group was actually Aaron. The two got high in High School like once when Aaron was inexplicably at Blaze's house. He's still not entirely sure how he got there to this day, the whole experience feels very surreal and liminal. But he remembers how freeing it was, how much stress he was able to let go of. So when college is kicking his ass, he hits up Blaze expecting to just like share half a blunt like they did before, and then they hotbox Blaze's dorm with a gravity bong.

If it wasn't already clear, Blaze is the top stoner of the entire My Street Universe. Some characters are definitely more frequent users than others (we'll get to Travis), but for Blaze, I mean... C'mon. His birthday is literally April 20th. He's the stoner friends to end all stoner friends but he also gets weirdly emotional with people when they're high and basically makes his friends process their shit every now and then by offering to get them high as a stress reliever. It all started with Aaron showing up in his door, getting baked enough to see God, and then randomly confessing that he was actually a werewolf the entire time. Even though. Blaze already knew that.

And then Aaron confesses it to Irena (C!Aphmau) while they're late night gaming. Like she mentions that Katelyn's room smelled funny when she went into it the other day and Aaron instantly jumps to "I've gotten high with Blaze before." So she tries it out of morbid curiosity, and while she enjoys it, she ultimately decides it's not something she wants to do on the regular. Maybe for celebrations of like finishing a semester of college or finally getting that fucking promotion.

Katelyn definitely smokes it the most when she's living with Irena and Nana. Not having a solid job for a few months really fucked with her stress levels, even if she managed to make it work cause her roommates are awesome. But, she'll only do it outside or in her room and then instantly light a candle to clear out the smell, but they both eventually figure it out. Nana literally walks in on Katelyn lighting a blunt in her room when she's just trying to ask Katelyn what she wants on her pizza. There's a pause, Katelyn answers, and then Nana gives her a thumbs up and leaves.

The next morning Katelyn opens up the fridge and finds a small tray of brownies with her name written on the post-it note slapped onto them. Another note reads "For when you want to be subtle about it ;)"

Nana learned that she could put weed into butter and therefore she could make edibles from one of her sisters randomly showing up in town, dropping a bunch of life lessons and also useless bull shit on her, and then leaving and never elaborating. And the thing Nana mainly got from it is to make her own edibles because it's way cheaper than buying them. Nana doesn't smoke because she has asthma so this is like game changing for her.

She doesn't realize that she even has a chance to know who her dealer is because she's super paranoid about buying it. So she like goes through all these extra steps to hide it and hide her privacy and Blaze literally knows what she smells like and knows who she is, but he gets that people can be hesitant for others to know. Just strange that she's getting all weird about it when he and Katelyn were just hot boxing his car when she texted him.

Most characters have an experience like this. Trying it out for the first time, usually with Blaze or on their own, trying to hide it, only to stumble upon one of their roommates high as balls watching Lord of The Rings at 3 am and realize they're all a bunch of pothead losers and that's fine.

Blaze knows all. Like, he has heard everything. People feel randomly prompted to just start telling him stories from their childhood, confessing in the way of like "haha you wanna know something funny I never told anybody?" and then Laurance confesses he's been in love with Garroth since they were freshman. Or Zane confesses to really liking My Little Pony. Or Dante reveals that he's questioning his gender identity. Blaze just knows all these people on deeper levels than most of them realize if they don't frequently hang out with him.

And if they do, then they know that Blaze is no low level just grows for his friends and accepts tips. No, he's a full blown dealer. he's really strict about rules of wherever he lives, especially when he started dealing to raise money so he could pay tuition at PDH, he didn't want it effecting his family at all. and Blaze can literally chuck you through a window so it's hard for anyone to really pressure him into doing stuff he doesn't want to do. And all he wants to do is grow quality product for everyone to enjoy.

It's why his friends don't mind helping him out sometimes. Like Laurance comes over to his house to ask if he can use Blaze's three foot bong so he gets high enough his body stops cramping, but when he gets there Blaze has some classic rock on and he's just packaging orders and Laurance sits down at the table and joins him.

And while hanging out with Blaze, he always has just the most random wack ass stories. He meets so many strange people in the world, he travels a lot because he's technically unemployed, and he has the wildest adventures that people love hearing about.

Travis and Dante's house always smells different. If they're expecting company they'll use some kind of air fresher, or light candles or incense, or do something to get rid of the smell. But if they have nothing going on? If Travis is on break from classes to get his masters and Dante has the weekend off of work? That house is going to fucking reek for three days. They always take care of it eventually, but when they go on what they jokingly call their benders, they don't bother.

Due to this most people would assume one of the two of them is the biggest stoner on My Street (that isn't Blaze). Or maybe Katelyn and Nana. It's actually Vylad. He's just really good at hiding it.

Vylad got insane stoner rng and is able to be tripping balls and have no visual effect on his eyes. Like maybe they look tired, but they aren't bloodshot, even while he's sitting in a freshly hotboxed room. So Vylad likes hiding it because it confuses his friends and that's just always fun to do.

Despite being so judgemental, Zane oddly never makes any comment about this. If someone's room smells funny or Nana slips a special kind of butter into a batch of cupcakes and insists those are her batch, he doesn't say anything. It's not clear whether he's chill with it or not? Both his brothers smoke, even if Garroth is more infrequent about it, so maybe it's becuase of them? But even then he'll get upset at someone for something but not upset at his brothers when they do the same thing so??

Garroth asks Blaze if Zane smokes one day, and Blaze is just in shock because "You didn't know? Why do you think he wears the mask?" "Because he has facial dysphoria?" "Well, that, and because he can take a sneaky hit from his vape when no one's looking."

Zane has never forgiven Blaze for revealing his secret because now Vylad and Garroth keep asking him for hits.

If you have any specific MS characters that I didn't mention in here, or more in depth headcanons, feel free to send me an ask! I have. A lot. Of these.

[harrywavycurly]

Does Eddie ever get to drive the truck?😂

Hiii babes!! So I feel like he would get to drive the truck if you absolutely can’t/shouldn’t be driving 😂 but most of the time it’s a hard no, but I’ll give you some examples of when Eddie asks to drive the truck💖

-find all things Eddie’s Southern Belle here✨

*Eddie is just trying to be nice and offer to drive you to work…*

“Hey baby you want me to drive you?” “Honey bunches the only thing I need you to drive me is wild…now be a sweetheart and hand me my purse please.” “Do…do I drive you wild?…that’s a thing?” “Oh sugar you have no idea..now be good while I’m at work don’t get into any trouble I’m all out of favors over at the police station.” “Out of favors?” “Well yeah…who you think baked them that cake when they tried to arrest you for trespassing that one time?…or the batch of cookies and brownies when you got caught with a little too much of the devil’s lettuce in your van?… oh or the lasagna when you ran that stop sign in a school zone?” “The school zone was you baby….so was the trespassing…”

“Sugar plum where are my keys?” “Oh I have them.” “Now…I may be a little spacey but I sure as shit don’t remember giving you my keys…” “I was going to go fill your tank up for you…I know you hate doing that.” “You are just as sweet as a pitcher of tea in the summertime….but that’s okay puddin I got gas yesterday.” “Baby…” “don’t go poutin sugar it’s not gonna work now put ‘em back in my purse and let’s go cuddle on the couch..I’ll take you for a ride later.” “Just let me drive it one time…please.” “Oh honey..I wasn’t talkin about in the truck.” “Oh…ohhhhhh okay…yeah that’s…I’m fine with that.”

“Don’t even think about it Edward James.” “Baby please…you said one day you’d let me drive her and it’s been like…three months since you said that.” “Sugar that’s just somethin I say so you’ll stop beggin…I’m sorry I thought you knew that.” “That’s mean…” “oh don’t you dare go poutin at me puddin…just get in the truck okay? I’ll let you control the radio.” “Can I play Metallica?” “Sure honey…whatever makes you happy…want me to roll the windows down for you?” “Yes…do you have a hair tie?” “I always keep an extra in my purse just for you sugar…now let’s go home….I love you.” “I love you too even though you won’t let me drive your truck.” “One day honey…one day…”

[littlemisswhimprone]

kinda baked rn but do you guys think it's called 'devil's lettuce' because Crowley was the first plug in history and he didn't know how to explain what weed actually is so when her first costumer asked what it was he said "lettuce"

[saintelilore]

Why, ◡̈⋆ʜᴇʟʟᴏ(●’◡’●)ﾉ

I got a cutesy and curious question to ask. With the gang, if possible, would the peeps like a partner / friend (whichever you wanna vibe with) who bakes and cooks with the devil lettuce? (I had to, make me laugh in mah brain) Probably might even getting personal batches for themselves to snack on. (⁎˃ᴗ˂⁎)

-Strawberry Lover 🍓

If these edibles were given as a gift? Who would like it: Assad, Riley, and Hakeem. Keem, out of the three, would be trusted the most to help bake the brownies. (Never trust Assad with drugs, but also never trust Riley with the kitchen.) Who would prefer baking it: Keem (will bake with Sunshine) and Charlie (just hope it's not Assad's weed oil he's using...). Who wouldn't like it: Rosie. If Sunshine wanted to get high WITH her, she would accept them since she doesn't mind getting high with her friends/partners-- but the effects tend to make her a little nauseous ^^ But if Sunshine does it, like, for business-- she wouldn't care !!

- Mod Rosie and Dellya

[accidentalsoravoice]

Since the whole "Dream Blunt Rotation" thing is going around, I thought I'd share mine

For some background, I've never smoked (weed, tobacco, or otherwise) and don't really plan to (except maybe weed once or twice because I mean I live in Colorado whaddya expect) but if I did these are the people I'd pass the blunt to. I'm also including the location the smoking is gonna happen, the snacks we've got on deck, and the background music we're gonna have on a nice, calmingly low volume.

The Smokers:

Link (The Legend of Zelda)

He's normally a silent guy, and I feel like that wouldn't change if he was smoking the Mary Jane. If anything it'd be a calming experience for him, which he definitely needs after saving Hyrule in multiple lives. Only downside is if it's BotW/TotK Link he'd get a killer case of munchies.

2. Nick (Left 4 Dead 2)

I can definitely see him as the type to smoke tobacco cigarettes on occasion, but not exactly be a weed guy. He's an asshole when he's sober, sure, but when he's high I feel like he'd mellow out a bit. Wouldn't get the munchies as much as someone like Link would. He'd probably just sit there and be high, maybe eat a thing or two.

3. Quinlan Vos (Star Wars)

A more obscure character, even in Star Wars (most casual fans, like those who haven't seen the Clone Wars series, probably don't know him). But he's 1) my favorite Jedi character aside from Ahsoka, and 2) probably the type to get EXTREMELY philosophical when he's high. I can see him smoking weed in his free time already, and free time is something he has a lot of considering he's not exactly your average Jedi.

4. Callie (Splatoon)

Callie is the BEST girl in Splatoon (yes, better than Marina, fight me). She'd probably get super sweet (even more than she already is) when she's baked, super cuddly, and killer munchies. Would probably gush at Quinlan Vos getting all philosophical on her. She'd probably also suddenly be super clingy and touchy with everyone (which I personally wouldn't mind).

5. Riku (Kingdom Hearts)

Similar to Link, I just wanna give bro a chance to relax a bit. He'd probably be a philosophical stoner like Quinlan Vos, but he'd say the stupid shit like "Duuuude...isn't lasagna just spaghetti cake?" And make everyone laugh even though it sounds so dumb.

6. Palutena (Kid Icarus)

She's a goddess, shawty needs to relax and let Pit take care of things for a bit. Would probably also be a very clingy stoner like Callie, maybe even get a bit clingy WITH Callie and everyone else in the group (again, I would not mind one bit). She'd also get real bad munchies, meaning Link may have to be on cooking duty despite having food on deck and being high. And that could lead to disaster. But that's just part of the thrill.

The Location:

Area Zero (Pokemon Scarlet & Violet)

Aside from the wild Pokemon roaming around, I think Area Zero would be the ideal place for this pot-smoking party to go down. It's so damn ethereal and we can just bask in the Terastal energy while we also bask in the devil's lettuce.

The Snacks:

Wendy's Baconators

Oreos

Cheddar and Sour Cream flavored Pringles

Homemade brownies (not edibles dw)

IBC cream soda and root beer

The Music:

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes (album) - Jimmy Buffett

No particular reason for this one, I just really fuck with Jimmy Buffett music (also this album includes Margaritaville)

[d-adpool]

For the ask game thingy:

💕🌸📔

And maybe for the reading one tell us more about AO3 related things~

- @deadpool-the-pan-menace

[ooc]

💕 wade is pretty sure the "love languages" were made up to coerce people into sex [inc: LOOK IT UP IT'S TRUE] - but, if he ever picked one, it would be words of affirmation. any day of the week. he just wants to hear that he matters.

🌸 wade likes to partake of the devil's lettuce on occasion, but he can't get a decent high from smoking anymore (he'll still do it socially, but it's not the same). part of the reason he's learning to bake is because he wants to have continued access to edibles once blind al isn't making them for him anymore.

📔 wade doesn't read a lot of fic about himself or his variants because he thinks everyone writes him out of character. plus he gets jealous of the other wades. it's mostly the jealousy issue, actually.

[bufffox]

This is spookiest creepypasta ever made!

I was walking around in a city because my dumb 🌮ss grandma told me to get exercise cuz im dummy THICC! the streets are fill with rats. Trash and hobos. There was one hobo walked up too me and told me if he liked seseme street! I told him yes cuz I was... well... a big man child! He told me that he was gonna give me the disk for $1. Well darn it! All I have is a $5 bill! Is I gave him my five dollar!

I went back to my house and got the disk and I was surprised that it was surprisingly clean when I got it from that hobo! I put the DVD in the DVD player, grabbed some snacks and soda and sit back and relax! I realized that it only has one episode! "Well that sucked" I said to myself, the intro has spooky Mexican music and the title says "COOKIE MONSTER GOES TO TACO BELL!" and it says that it's the 666th episode! (The devils number! dun dun DUUUNNN!!!)

The episode started with the cookie monster digging around a bunch of garbage while annoying Oscar the grouch! "WHAT THE FREAKING H🌮LL ARE YOU DOING?!?! shouted the grouch! I was shocked when Oscar said the word h🌮ll in a baby show! Anyways the cookie monster asked Oscar what he was eating and told him it's a taco from taco bell. "OOH! THAT TACO LOOKS TASTY AND CRUNCHY LIKE COOKIE!!!" shouted cookie monster! The cookie monster asked where the taco bell and Oscar pointed out the location and then cookie monster runs so fast! "HAHAHA! what a sh🌮t head!" Said Oscar. I can't believe that he said the word "SH🌮T"! yeeeaah... I don't think this was meant for kids.

The scene changes to big bird who was trying to do a magic trick to impress a bunch of children. Big bird called up one of the kids up stage and the kid seems to be a little jerk! He starts kicking Big birds leg! "OW that hurts! Stop that" Said Big bird, but the kid continues kicking! The actor or puppeteer was getting pissed off and started talking in a gruff voice while being out of character! "HEY! You better cut that out right now or your gonna regret it!!!" Said Big bird. But then the kid has a sinister smile on his face and gave two middle fingers at big bird! "THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!" screamed big bird as his eyes started glowing red and started to breathe fire at the freaking kid as he melted into nacho cheese and the other kids celebrated and started eating the melted cheese on the stage! I can't blame big bird cuz that kid was a freaking jerk, though. I thought the scene was awesome!

So the scene returned to the cookie monster carrying a big tray of tacos and burritos and he starts munching and crunching on the large amount of Mexican food with beef, cheese, lettuce, baked beans, sour cream, taco shells and burrito wrap flying everywhere! a title card shows said 20 minutes later and shows the cookie monster sitting while holding his stomach! but then, his stomach begin to gurgle really loud! "UH OH! ME TUMMY NOT DOING TOO GOOD" Said cookie monster as he let's out a BIG, WET, SLOPPY FART and the fart came alive! The fart has blood shot eyes, sharp teeth and a cool lookin Mexican mustach! The fart starts talking to cookie monster "hey amigo! You better get to the bathroom before I will stab you to death you peice of tonterías! Adios!". The fart poofs away and the cookie monster was trembling in fear and looks at the veiwer!

The next scene changes again and it shows ernie jumping on a trampoline! Ernie said "hey kids! Today I was going to jump so high up in the heavens to beat up Mr. hooper for making my sandwich extremely expensive!" To make ernie jump high, he told me to say alot of swear words out loud and he starts jumping extremely high! As he got to heaven, he finds mr. Hooper was dressed up like like an angel with wings and a halo. Ernie went up to Mr. Hooper and kicked him in the groin! ernie was falling down to earth as he broke through his roof and landed on Bert, breaking his spine! "Oh hey Bert! Thanks for breaking my fall!" Said ernie as he snickered. "AAAAHH! ERNIE! YOU BROKE MY BACK! CALL A DOCTOR!" Said Bert, and ernie said "doctor WHO?" As ernie started to laugh as a blue phone booth magicly appeared out of nowhere! I cringed so hard from that stupid doctor who reference!

The scene returned to cookie monster was walking slowly to the bathroom as he was farting while he was holding his stomach! Elmo went up behind cookie monster. "Oh hey cookie monster! DO YOU HAVE TO GO POO POO TOO?" Said elmo laughing like a gremlin who snorted freaking cr🌮ck! But then cookie monster just sh🌮rted on elmo! The liquid p🌮🌮p was steaming boiling hot, it started to burn off elmos red fur and his flesh started to melt away into a skull like acid! "OOPS! sorry elmo!" Said cookie monster as he watched elmos melted body on the floor twitching! I felt sick to my stomach when I saw that scene!

The cookie monster ran to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and let it rip! The sounds of cookie monster screaming in agony while the explosion of di🌮rrhea sounds like W0rld War ll in the freaking toilet! Cookie monster was looking at me and said "k-kiddies! Me not gonna make it because this evil toilet is taking me freaking soul to h🌮ll! AAAAH!!!!" as the cookie monster released a huge explosive d🌮mp! It is so loud it made my whole house shake! Then cookie monster was relieved that the pain was over! He got up from the extremely full toilet and tried to flush! When suddenly, the toilet can't flush! Cookie monster was scared and said "UH OH! ME THINK ME ANGERED THE TOILET GOD!!!".

When suddenly, the bathroom began to shake and then it stopped until a giant green pipe bursts out of the ground and someone came out of the pipe and it was non other than... captain luo Albano! (The voice of mario from the super Mario bros super show!) He was dressed up like Mario from the live action scenes from the show! "HEY PAISANOS!" Said captain luo as he happily waves to the veiwer while the ground theme from SMB2 starts playing a little! But then... captain... y-you know what, I'm just gonna call him Mario cuz it's much easier say. So Mario look shocked what cookie monster did in the toilet while the castle theme from SMB starts playing!

Mario walked up to cookie monster who was behind the dirty toilet! "HEY BLUE FURBALL! how dare you ruin a perfectly good looking toilet?!?!" Said mario shouted at cookie monster for what he has done! "Uuuuhhh... it was an accident?" Said the cookie monster as he shrugged like it was nothing! "Oh really, well looks like your going DOWN!" Said mario as he picked up cookie monster and did a pile drive move on him! DANG! I know captain luo was a wrestler, but this is getting really cool! Then there was en extremely awesome rock metal version of the ground theme from SMB starts playing while Mario starts doing other wrestler moves to beat up the cookie while jumping on his head, Throwing turnips, alot more other moves with a bunch of SMB and SMB2 sound effects! Then mario saw a few floating blocks in the air and he jumped and hit the blocks and grabbed a fire flower and changed his clothes from a red and blue color to a red and white color! He throws a fire ball at cookie monster as he burns into ashes! Mario said "never ever disrespect someone with pasta power!"

I celebrated for mario for defeating cookie monster because he was my most favorite show growing up! Mario walked in front of the camera and said this to me! "Remember kids! Never go to taco bell! And if you're not watching the Super mario bros super show, you're gonna turn into a goomba!" I was confused! "Wait WUT?" I said to myself. But then I magicly turned into a goomba! As looked at my whole body, I looked at the TV and mario said "see I told ya!" Said mario as the dvd player freaking EXPLODED!!!! Since I'm a goomba, I'm ne never ever EVER watching seseme street ever again! Oh... and I'm never going to taco bell, and that's why I switched to McDonald's instead!

THE END!!! :)

[demonsfate]

@bittcnneck sent . . . The freshly baked bread was sitting by the window to cool down while lacey was cutting the tomatoes. Nice, this slices. She dips one of the bacons in the oil. Yup, it's hot enough, so she slowly places it in there. So she puts more, and more, then more, completely filling the cast iron skillet. And while that is cooking, she quickly chops up the lettuce as well. Giving the sizzling bacons a flip, she rushes to the window to get the lukewarm bread. Taking it out of the silicone mold, she carefully cuts it open, keeping it intact on the uncut side and widening it. Turning off the stove, she started placing the ingredients. Lettuce goes in first, then tomatoes. Then, a line of bacon. And another line of bacon. Oh, another line of bacon. ONE MORE LINE OF BACON? she is making sure to fill that bread up nice and good. "Any condiments?" She finally lifts up her head to ask DJ, who has been patiently sitting in front of the kitchen table.

His tail gently sways as he waits. Jin told him he needs more patience, so Devil was trying to practice it. But the smell was almost intoxicating, & Devil wanted something good to eat now. His head rests upon his arms on the table. It rises after she brings up the question regarding condiments. His eyes light up, wondering if the sandwich is about to be finished. ❝ A little mayonnaise. ❞ From what he heard, people commonly used that for BLTs.