#your gonna turn into a goomba

[bufffox]

This is spookiest creepypasta ever made!

I was walking around in a city because my dumb 🌮ss grandma told me to get exercise cuz im dummy THICC! the streets are fill with rats. Trash and hobos. There was one hobo walked up too me and told me if he liked seseme street! I told him yes cuz I was... well... a big man child! He told me that he was gonna give me the disk for $1. Well darn it! All I have is a $5 bill! Is I gave him my five dollar!

I went back to my house and got the disk and I was surprised that it was surprisingly clean when I got it from that hobo! I put the DVD in the DVD player, grabbed some snacks and soda and sit back and relax! I realized that it only has one episode! "Well that sucked" I said to myself, the intro has spooky Mexican music and the title says "COOKIE MONSTER GOES TO TACO BELL!" and it says that it's the 666th episode! (The devils number! dun dun DUUUNNN!!!)

The episode started with the cookie monster digging around a bunch of garbage while annoying Oscar the grouch! "WHAT THE FREAKING H🌮LL ARE YOU DOING?!?! shouted the grouch! I was shocked when Oscar said the word h🌮ll in a baby show! Anyways the cookie monster asked Oscar what he was eating and told him it's a taco from taco bell. "OOH! THAT TACO LOOKS TASTY AND CRUNCHY LIKE COOKIE!!!" shouted cookie monster! The cookie monster asked where the taco bell and Oscar pointed out the location and then cookie monster runs so fast! "HAHAHA! what a sh🌮t head!" Said Oscar. I can't believe that he said the word "SH🌮T"! yeeeaah... I don't think this was meant for kids.

The scene changes to big bird who was trying to do a magic trick to impress a bunch of children. Big bird called up one of the kids up stage and the kid seems to be a little jerk! He starts kicking Big birds leg! "OW that hurts! Stop that" Said Big bird, but the kid continues kicking! The actor or puppeteer was getting pissed off and started talking in a gruff voice while being out of character! "HEY! You better cut that out right now or your gonna regret it!!!" Said Big bird. But then the kid has a sinister smile on his face and gave two middle fingers at big bird! "THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!" screamed big bird as his eyes started glowing red and started to breathe fire at the freaking kid as he melted into nacho cheese and the other kids celebrated and started eating the melted cheese on the stage! I can't blame big bird cuz that kid was a freaking jerk, though. I thought the scene was awesome!

So the scene returned to the cookie monster carrying a big tray of tacos and burritos and he starts munching and crunching on the large amount of Mexican food with beef, cheese, lettuce, baked beans, sour cream, taco shells and burrito wrap flying everywhere! a title card shows said 20 minutes later and shows the cookie monster sitting while holding his stomach! but then, his stomach begin to gurgle really loud! "UH OH! ME TUMMY NOT DOING TOO GOOD" Said cookie monster as he let's out a BIG, WET, SLOPPY FART and the fart came alive! The fart has blood shot eyes, sharp teeth and a cool lookin Mexican mustach! The fart starts talking to cookie monster "hey amigo! You better get to the bathroom before I will stab you to death you peice of tonterías! Adios!". The fart poofs away and the cookie monster was trembling in fear and looks at the veiwer!

The next scene changes again and it shows ernie jumping on a trampoline! Ernie said "hey kids! Today I was going to jump so high up in the heavens to beat up Mr. hooper for making my sandwich extremely expensive!" To make ernie jump high, he told me to say alot of swear words out loud and he starts jumping extremely high! As he got to heaven, he finds mr. Hooper was dressed up like like an angel with wings and a halo. Ernie went up to Mr. Hooper and kicked him in the groin! ernie was falling down to earth as he broke through his roof and landed on Bert, breaking his spine! "Oh hey Bert! Thanks for breaking my fall!" Said ernie as he snickered. "AAAAHH! ERNIE! YOU BROKE MY BACK! CALL A DOCTOR!" Said Bert, and ernie said "doctor WHO?" As ernie started to laugh as a blue phone booth magicly appeared out of nowhere! I cringed so hard from that stupid doctor who reference!

The scene returned to cookie monster was walking slowly to the bathroom as he was farting while he was holding his stomach! Elmo went up behind cookie monster. "Oh hey cookie monster! DO YOU HAVE TO GO POO POO TOO?" Said elmo laughing like a gremlin who snorted freaking cr🌮ck! But then cookie monster just sh🌮rted on elmo! The liquid p🌮🌮p was steaming boiling hot, it started to burn off elmos red fur and his flesh started to melt away into a skull like acid! "OOPS! sorry elmo!" Said cookie monster as he watched elmos melted body on the floor twitching! I felt sick to my stomach when I saw that scene!

The cookie monster ran to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and let it rip! The sounds of cookie monster screaming in agony while the explosion of di🌮rrhea sounds like W0rld War ll in the freaking toilet! Cookie monster was looking at me and said "k-kiddies! Me not gonna make it because this evil toilet is taking me freaking soul to h🌮ll! AAAAH!!!!" as the cookie monster released a huge explosive d🌮mp! It is so loud it made my whole house shake! Then cookie monster was relieved that the pain was over! He got up from the extremely full toilet and tried to flush! When suddenly, the toilet can't flush! Cookie monster was scared and said "UH OH! ME THINK ME ANGERED THE TOILET GOD!!!".

When suddenly, the bathroom began to shake and then it stopped until a giant green pipe bursts out of the ground and someone came out of the pipe and it was non other than... captain luo Albano! (The voice of mario from the super Mario bros super show!) He was dressed up like Mario from the live action scenes from the show! "HEY PAISANOS!" Said captain luo as he happily waves to the veiwer while the ground theme from SMB2 starts playing a little! But then... captain... y-you know what, I'm just gonna call him Mario cuz it's much easier say. So Mario look shocked what cookie monster did in the toilet while the castle theme from SMB starts playing!

Mario walked up to cookie monster who was behind the dirty toilet! "HEY BLUE FURBALL! how dare you ruin a perfectly good looking toilet?!?!" Said mario shouted at cookie monster for what he has done! "Uuuuhhh... it was an accident?" Said the cookie monster as he shrugged like it was nothing! "Oh really, well looks like your going DOWN!" Said mario as he picked up cookie monster and did a pile drive move on him! DANG! I know captain luo was a wrestler, but this is getting really cool! Then there was en extremely awesome rock metal version of the ground theme from SMB starts playing while Mario starts doing other wrestler moves to beat up the cookie while jumping on his head, Throwing turnips, alot more other moves with a bunch of SMB and SMB2 sound effects! Then mario saw a few floating blocks in the air and he jumped and hit the blocks and grabbed a fire flower and changed his clothes from a red and blue color to a red and white color! He throws a fire ball at cookie monster as he burns into ashes! Mario said "never ever disrespect someone with pasta power!"

I celebrated for mario for defeating cookie monster because he was my most favorite show growing up! Mario walked in front of the camera and said this to me! "Remember kids! Never go to taco bell! And if you're not watching the Super mario bros super show, you're gonna turn into a goomba!" I was confused! "Wait WUT?" I said to myself. But then I magicly turned into a goomba! As looked at my whole body, I looked at the TV and mario said "see I told ya!" Said mario as the dvd player freaking EXPLODED!!!! Since I'm a goomba, I'm ne never ever EVER watching seseme street ever again! Oh... and I'm never going to taco bell, and that's why I switched to McDonald's instead!

THE END!!! :)

[lordofnonsense]

Hey, paisanos!

[weirdmarioenemies]

We localized the names of all the Super Mario Land enemies, too!

Yeah! If you don't remember, a few years ago, we came up with localized names for all the Super Mario Land 2 enemies as a sort of Christmas gift from us to you! But did you know? There's a Super Mario Land 1 also, and very few of its enemies have localized names either...! With another holiday upon us, we're making this the gift that keeps on giving, with a whole new set of clever enemy names just for you! I hope you enjoy!

Goombo -> Goombie the Shroom Fish

While "Goombo" has always been a fine name, it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi that other localized Goomba relatives like "Galoomba," "Goombrat," and "Goombud" have. With this new name, which is a clever homage to Hootie & the Blowfish, now it should fit right in!

Bombshell Koopa -> Koopie the Boom Fish

Another enemy that technically has a localized name already, but once again, this fairly boring name lacks the ceci n'est pas une pipe that truly great localized names have. It might seem weird to call a turtle a fish, but when you think about it, all tetrapods are fish, so it's fine!

Bullet Biff -> Shootie the Bullet Fish

You know the drill by now! A name that lacks Allouette, je te plumerai turned much more memorable by one simple yet effective reference! Bullets look kind of like fish, you know!

Since we've spruced up all the enemies with actual localized names, now it's time to Get Creative! The rest will be under the cut!

Fly -> Fruity the Fly Fish

While not explicitly a fruit fly, we figured that for the sake of the homage, this name gets the job done. And don't worry, I checked. He's allowed to reclaim it.

Bunbun -> Stabyoutie the Bee Fish

The Japanese name is an onomatopoeia for the sound a bee makes, but because we couldn't think of an English equivalent, we decided to name it after what it does instead. Watch out! It's gonna stab you!

Gao -> Mewtie the Lion Fish

"Mew" is a common onomatopoeia for a cat, which fits Gao pretty nicely, given a lion is a type of Big Cat! Of course, to remind people this is a lion rather than your typical housecat, we've appended it with "the Lion Fish" for good measure.

King Totomesu -> Roary the Zebra Turkeyfish

I'm pretty sure one of my siblings once had a plush lion named "Roary the Lion" so I've decided to rename King Totomesu in their honor. And see what we did with the descriptor, eh? Eh? Pretty clever, huh?

Honen -> Hootie the Bone Fish again

Yeah, I know we used "Hootie the Bone Fish" for Honebon during our Super Mario Land 2 project, but can you blame us for the repeat? It's a good name! And since none of these names are official, either one can have it. I don't mind.

Yurarin Boo -> Hottie the Blow Fish

Yurarin Boo is a seahorse that blows fire at you, and you may not know this, but fire is Hot! I know it's a seahorse and not a pufferfish, but since it's a fish that blows fire, I figured "Blow Fish" would be a good pun still.

Mekabon -> Rebootie the Bot Fish

As an enemy in the Muda Kingdom (the game's signature water world!) with a fish-eyed stare and arms that look more like flippers than anything else, this enemy's fishy appearance was not lost on us, and we figured we should reflect that in its name.

Torion -> The Blue Fish

I know I said some of the already localized names lacked omelette du fromage or whatever, but some enemies really do just deserve a name that's simple, straight, and to the point. Torion is one such enemy.

Yurarin -> Nottie the No Fish

As a relative of Hottie the Blow Fish without the ability to blow fire, we decided to give it a similar name, but this time specify it can't really do anything special at all. Serves as a nice parallel to the Yurarin/Yurarin Boo naming convention, huh?

Gunion -> Octootie the Blue-Ringed Fish

"Oh, those rings are clearly yellow!" I hear you say, but consider: Super Mario Land was in black and white. Or. Dark green and lighter green. Maybe the official art made a coloring mistake, huh? Huh??? Some people would object to me calling it a Fish also, but at this point it's been well-established that every sea creature is some kind of fish.

Tamao -> Tammy the Jelly Fish

See what I mean? The English instruction manual called this thing a jellyfish, and I'm sticking by it!

Dragonzamasu -> Haughty the Boss Fish

As the boss version of Hottie the Blow Fish, I figured to give it a name that parallel's Hottie's as well! As a boss, you'd expect it to be pretty haughty, huh?

Bataon -> idk man give me a break the Flying Fish

this is really hard you guys

Ganchan -> Cheeky the Stone Fish

What a Cheeky fellow we have here! I think it's fun they decided to give this rolling rock a personality with eyes and cheeks, and we've decided to emphasize that with the name we came up with for it!

Tokotoko -> Scooty the Dude Fish

Tokotoko looks like it's running very fast, but it doesn't even have legs, so it kinda just. Scoots all over the place. And I'd be foolish not to call this guy a Dude, what with the Cool Cool Glasses! And since Batadon is a Fish, Scooty shall be too. Simple as that!

Suu -> Suutie the Arachno-Fish

Decided to stay pretty faithful to the Japanese name with this one, but I figured a clever reference to Hootie & the Blowfish would make it more relatable to the American youth of today.

Kumo -> Kumootie the Arachno-Fish

oh man do i really have to name two separate spiders in a row

Hiyoihoi -> Brutie the Rude Fish

Hiyoihoi has always had sort of "cool delinquent" vibes to me, hence calling him rude, and as a boss, you gotta assume he's a bit of a brute. The name also rhymes with "Scooty the Dude Fish," which this is the boss version of!

Pionpi -> Spooky the Boo Fish

This frightening fishy fiend is sure to give you the heebie-jeebies!

Pompon Flower -> Rootie the Grow Fish

Plants are pretty well known for having roots and growing, and thanks to Hootie the Blue Fish helping us learn that plants can, indeed, be considered fish, that makes every part of this name legally Clever!

Nyololin -> Spewtie the Blow Fish

Look, I know this is the second enemy that we've named "the Blow Fish," but it blows poison at you, and on that note, it is poison like a real blowfish! It all comes together flawlessly!

Chicken -> Tweetie the Crow Fish

Yeah, I know we technically changing its species, but it looks nothing like a chicken! Can you blame us? And the Mario franchise has a long-running tradition of connecting birds and fish (see Cheep Cheep!) so calling it not just a "crow," but a "crow fish" makes it fit in better.

Roketon -> Grutie the Banana Fish

minion joke

Chikako -> Floatie the Glow Fish

Hi the Mod formerly known as Mod Chikako! I hope you like your new legal name going forwards...!

Pipe Fist -> Punchyoutie the Pipe Fist

This one may seem like we're grasping at straws, but being a big hand, I think Punchyoutie the Pipe Fist can grasp straws very easily, thank you very much.

Biokinton -> Cumulootie the Atmosphish

This one's self-explanatory.

And last, but certainly not least...

Tatanga -> Evil Mario

That's it for Super Mario Land! "Like" and "Subscribe" and "Hit the Bell for Notifications" if you want to see us localize the names of every enemy in Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3!

[plump-lips-imagine]

Super Mario Bros. Isekai!Reader (Bowser x Reader) (2/3)

There were exactly three more weird encounters with Bowser that stuck with you.

He seemed to be even keener on taking you down after the first encounter. It kind of scared you. Actually no, it really scared you.

You actually have a target on your back now.

But that didn't stop you from having a fun time around the kingdom.

You traveling around the kingdom started this whole series of encounters in the first place.

The first encounter…

it was at the mushroom fields where you were having a small picnic by yourself after Peach told you to have a break.

you picked a nice spot to set your basket and blanket and took in the scenery.

The weather was so nice out today, it was a perfect time out. It kind of made you want to sleep outside on your blanket after you ate.

You guess.... shutting your eyes for a few seconds wasn't going to hurt. It was your day off. It was so peaceful that it was a crime to not relax. Just a little-

"YOU!!"

huh?

You opened your eyes to see a large Fireball heading in your direction.

You were able to move out of the way fast enough to save your basket. Your Blanket and nap area was burnt to a crisp.

"My Blanket!!" You said shocked to your core. You look at the person responsible for this and turned out to be none other than Bowser. Steam was still coming out of his nose as he glared at you

"What was that for?"

"You Know EXACTLY What That Was For, Pipsqueak. You're Going To Pay For What You Did!"

Uh Oh. You don't have the energy to fight him again. Not that you really wanted to fight but still. There must be something around here!

"Think Fast!" You throw the first thing you had with you. A sandwich.

It splattered across Bowser's face, blinding him. This is your chance to book it. You can as face as you can.

"YOU BRAT!!" He quickly wiped off the mess on his face so that he could burn you to a crisp.

He couldn't find you, however. you could run fast if you wanted to. He stomped around for a minute until he came across a goomba. It looks like it's one of his.

"You! I'm looking for a Brat! Have you seen her?"

The goomba said nothing but nodded his head in a different direction. Bowser followed the direction the goomba pointed to.

"Hehe..I can't believe that worked." You take off the goomba hat and chuckle to yourself. The goomba mask always worked in video games, but you didn't think it was going to work in real life.

Let's run back to the mushroom Kingdom before he notices.

Second Encounter…

You were napping in the forest. Why? You don't know. It just felt comfortable underneath the tree.

you could get used to this. In your old world, you had so much stressful work to do, and naps were little to none, as it felt shameful to take a nap sometimes. This, however, felt nice. this world had little to really stress over.

"Grrr!!" You opened your eyes and saw A FIST COMING INTO YOUR DIRECTION!

You quickly moved away before he came in contact with you, creating a large hole in the tree.

okay, almost little to stress over.

"You won't get away this time!"

"HEEEEELP!!" You ran as fast as you could.

the good news is that you were not far from the Mario Bros. House.

Luigi was peacefully doing the laundry outside when he heard yelling. He turned around and saw you.

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME!"

"What? WOAH!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

You had the Mario Bros. take care of that one for you. That's how you were able to escape the second time. Cowering in their house.

Third Encounter……

This time you were picking fruits from trees in a forest. You planned to take some back to the mushroom Kingdom and bake with Peach. You currently have bananas, apples, and peaches.

hopefully they will be enough for some delicious desserts.

While you were lost in your train of thought, a fireball comes your way. You were able to jump out of the way before you were hit. Deja vu.

You turned around and saw the one and only Bowser. He was beyond angry. Veins were popping out of his head. and steam seemed to come from everywhere. oh boy.

"This.ends.here! Stop running away!"

You ran anyway. He wasn't far behind.

You still had one trick up your sleeve. You reached into your basket and pulled out the only weapon you had. A banana.

Throwing it to the ground, you ran faster as he slipped on it. This made him roll over on his back, making him unable to get back up.

"You annoying pipsqueak! Get back here!!" He yells, struggling to get back up.

This is the perfect time to get back to the kingdom......but.

you can't just leave him like this. well, you can, but you didn't want to. It didn't feel right, no matter how scary he was.

you went behind him to push him back on his feet.

"H-Hey, What are you doing?!"

"Getting you back on your feet!" He was really heavy. you were kinda struggling a bit. But you knew you were close, just a little more push.

"I don't need your help!"

'Almost...Got It!" With a huge push, you successfully got him back on his feet, your arms feeling like jelly while you did so. He's as heavy as he looks.

He turned around to look at you. Slightly glaring at you as you look like a quick puppy. You were a little too tired to run and couldn't put up much of a fight. You'll have to accept your fate.

But he just turns back around and stomps away, with a scowl on his face.

"Count your luck. I decided to spare you. Get lost!" He stomps away, leaving you confused.

That was weird.

[wallflowergirl2006]

FNF Mario.EXE x Reader

(Y/N’s POV)

Boyfriend, Girlfriend and I were all on our phones doing our own things until we all heard the doorbell ring. Boyfriend and I looked at each other and then at Girlfriend. Girlfriend was uninterested because she looked at us and then back at her phone. Boyfriend got up and went to the front door. Once he was there the door opened and a yellow among us character looked at him and handed him a package then it slammed the door shut. Boyfriend walked back over to us and placed the package down on the coffee table. “Did you order something Boyfriend?” I asked him while looking at the package. “Yeah, I ordered a Mario game off this new website called Temu.” (Not sponsored) “Well, what are you waiting for?! Open it!” Girlfriend said she was super excited. I quietly chuckled at Girlfriend’s excitement. Boyfriend chuckled and then ripped the packaging paper off only to see a bloodied cartridge with the name Mario on it. All of us stared at each other and then at the cartridge. “Should we play it?” Boyfriend asked the both of us. Girlfriend just shrugged. “I don’t know Boyfriend.. I think this might be a bad idea.” I tried to talk Boyfriend out of playing the game. “Don’t worry baby, It’ll be fine.” Boyfriend assured me. I still felt like this was a bad idea but I went along with it. Girlfriend and I sat on the couch as Boyfriend placed the game inside the console and grabbed a controller as the game booted up. Boyfriend sat next to me while Girlfriend laid down on the couch next to me. The game screen popped out and Boyfriend started playing. He was doing pretty good until he touched a goomba and Mario let out a terrifying glitchy scream. The screen then glitched red and the game turned off. Boyfriend and I looked at each other slightly terrified. We both looked at Girlfriend and she was busy watching some random spanish video. Boyfriend then tried to get the game to work again but bloodied gloved hands grabbed both of us and pulled us both into the game.

I sat up and saw Boyfriend and Girlfriend on the ground face-first. Boyfriend got up and ran over to Girlfriend and I. Boyfriend started to worry Girlfriend but she smacked him and gave him a thumbs up. “Beep Pa Do?” Boyfriend asked me something in his beep language. “Yeah, I’m alright.” I told him. Boyfriend then started walking around until he bumped into a man. Boyfriend fell down and I ran over to him. The man then turned around and held out his hand. “Oh, you're looking for someone?” The mysterious man asked. “It seems like you don’t recognize me.” The man said in a familiar voice as I helped Boyfriend up. “It’s a me.. MARIO!” The demonic Mario said with a toothy grin. “Almost..” Boyfriend and I both started trembling in fear from this entity named Mario. “Oh, you two seem a little bit scared..” The demonic Mario mocking tone. “Well, don’t be.. I’m not gonna kill you… Yet.” Mario said as he twirled his butcher knife. “I want to have a little bit of fun with you before I end your lives.” Boyfriend and I felt uneasy towards this Mario entity until Girlfriend came out and cracked her knuckles as she transformed into her demon form.

The Mario Entity didn’t seem amused by the transformation. Girlfriend then tried to use her powers but as she raised her hand to summon her powers nothing happened. Mario.EXE then walked over to Girlfriend and smiled at her. “Oh, don’t bother using your powers there, useless here.” Mario.EXE then leaned close to Girlfriend’s face. “This is my world!” Mario.EXE said as he held his butcher knife close to Girlfriend’s face. Girlfriend let out a scared whimper. “Oh, you're gonna pay for what that traitor of a man you call a father did to me. All those years ago..” Mario.EXE said to Girlfriend as she shook in fear. “You on the other hand..” Mario.EXE said as he turned to look at Boyfriend. “I’ve heard so many stories about you. You’ve defeated lots of creatures. Some like myself.. ” Mario.EXE said to Boyfriend. “Monsters, Demons, Angels, Freaks..” “So how about we make a deal?” Mario.EXE asked as he held out his hand. “Three songs. Just three..” Mario.EXE said as he held up three fingers. “Beat me and I’ll let you go.” “Lose.. Then you’ll perish by my hand.” Mario.EXE said as he glared menacingly at Boyfriend.

A flying skeleton turtle flew down (Parabones) and dropped a mic to Boyfriend. Boyfriend noticed it and picked it up and agreed to the rap battle. “Very well.. Let’s a go!” Mario.EXE said to Boyfriend and as he and Boyfriend faced off. Girlfriend looked utterly shocked by the way things turned out. “WHAT?!” Girlfriend said in a shocked and confused tone. “Please be careful honey..” I told Boyfriend. Boyfriend nodded and got ready to rap battle against the demonic entity.

(No one’s POV)

During the rap battle Girlfriend looked very scared so (Y/N) hugged her close to them to try and keep her from panicking too much. Mario.EXE noticed this and seemed a little disappointed that (Y/N) seemed to be trying to help Girlfriend but he continued to focus on the rap battle between him and Boyfriend. Mario.EXE let out an evil laugh as his red glowing pupils went away and his jaw unhinged a bit and his singing seemed to get a little bit more threatening. Fire started to surround the place as the song started coming to an end. The song ended and Girlfriend and (Y/N) were near Boyfriend as he was trying to protect both of them from Mario.EXE. Mario.EXE laughed. “Oh, this is a so much fun.” Mario.EXE said as his pupils returned for a split second. “How’s a about we take things up a notch.” Mario.EXE said as his red pupil turned into a small pinprick. Mario.EXE then grabbed the three of them and threw them up onto a high platform.

Boyfriend got up and glared at Mario.EXE. Girlfriend sat on her knees shaking in fear as (Y/N) hugged her tightly. Mario.EXE was smiling menacingly but on the inside he was feeling very confused on why he was feeling jealous of Girlfriend and why he was feeling attracted to (Y/N). He had killed many people like them before so what was so special about them that made him want to have them. The second song started playing and Mario.EXE’s voice sounded very threatening in a “I’m having so much fun but in a sadistic kinda way..” Halfway through the song a random flying skeleton turtle (Parabones) started playing the trumpet. Boyfriend and (Y/N) looked at each other in confusion for a few seconds but then he returned his focus to the rap battle. After the parabones left everyone thought the rap battle was gonna go smoothly but a bloody and demonic Yoshi jumped onto the power block that was on one of the grass platforms and Mario.EXE fell through the platform and Yoshi and a demonic Princess Peach were now Boyfriend’s opponents. Peach’s voice sounded very high and demonic as she did very Princess-like poses while Yoshi’s voice sounded high and weird but it was still also demonic. Peach and Yoshi’s duet only lasted for a couple of minutes before they were both killed as Mario.EXE returned looking melted, his clothes were ripped and torn and his right arm was missing. The song ended and Mario.EXE let out an enraged scream. Boyfriend and Mario.EXE glared at each other. Boyfriend ran, grabbed (Y/N) and Girlfriend and jumped off the platform. Boyfriend screamed until a light glowed and was holding him, Girlfriend and (Y/N). They all looked at each other and then they were all teleported away. “So they found the warp star.” “Which means eventually they’ll stumble across the others.” Mario.EXE chuckled to himself as his arm regenerated. “But don’t worry.. Mario will get you next time..”

Mario will get you (Y/N) and you’ll never escape•~

~•End•~

[cansomebodytellmewhatsgoingon]

"Look at this shark eating this cheeseburger"

"Das a toilet!"

"The moon tide is tugging on our hearts right now"

"You gon' spread my insides out, I'll start a fire"

"We turned him into a Pac-Man's little bitch"

"Monocle Gentlesir"

"Close that second fridge door, you big baby bitch"

"Lil' can! Lil' can!"

"I will climb Greatness Mountain... and grab Greatness' tits at the top of the peak!"

"Fuck this shit! Go home, go bed"

"You're like a dad teaching a kid with no fuckin' mobility in his legs on a tricycle - when someone's pushing him!"

"STREAM SPOATS!"

"You want da puncake?"

"I didn't know owls could fly"

"Keld um"

"Magic book... let what white woman allow me between her loins"

"Black Stamp of Approval™"

"BIG GUY! BIG GUY!"

"That's a fuckin' potato wearin' a bra"

"We're on the moon, and there's bees everywhere!"

"ALRIGHT!"

"'Am I ever gonna get married?' No, you gon' die alone"

"I'M SPEAKING MOTHERFUCKIN' ENGLISH YOU DUMB BITCH!"

"Off season"

"Dude, we were bottles between the couch and the bullet ploof grass!"

"GIVE. BIRTH."

"Uh, this - oh, I just ate it."

"Did you just throw up, like - like a baby, on yourself?"

"Goomba, fuck you!"

"TWO BOTTLES OF HEINIKIEN!"

"Stay...low"

"My name is Popeye for a reason, I do not fuck with the junk food like Cheetos"

"Racist Fridge"

"Now I'm stuck dressed as this sophisticated Chinaman!"

"Oh, there's a piggy! There's a - there's a - YAHOO!"

"I could've just laughed and busted milk or some shit out of my nose!"

"NOOO JOEEEE!!!"

"To the Minority Cave!"

"This is such bullshit! HE'S BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!"

"Mynamejeff"

"It's the Nintendo Switch... motherfucker"

"Today we're not gonna be continuing our lesson on... alien abductions, or whatever this is"

"You have bear fists?"

"I'm just kidding, you're a fUCKboy"

"It's like hockin' a dookie"

"It's Gorod Time"

"It happened so quickly, and with such velocity, that before I knew it, I had busted a nut on my own forehead"

"Shave my balls"

"Come on down to Olive Garden and get your free bread sticks"

"I've got to take a po-op"

"CHIPOTLE!!!"

"I became friends with the mutant gummy worm... I don't wanna kill him!"

"MOM MADE CHICKEN!"

"Your minimum-wage pilot just jumped out of the plane"

"Everything seems a...okay"

"Because it rips a hole in the space-time continuum and kills your heritage!"

"Where's Marge? Which one of you fucked my wife?"

"Who the FUCK wrote 'squeeze my weiner' on the end?"

"JUST WAY BETTER!"

"We ride together... we bake pies together"

"The Terminator's got a new son! Meet my boy!"

"Never gon' find me!"

"He went training his whole life for that one specific moment!"

"WAPOW!"

"*Moo laughing*"

[kayssweetdreams]

Maestro Hiccups 3: Chaos Incarnate Ch 66

Your head turns towards the Power Up box. Maybe there was something in there that could help you rescue Celestia. So with the upmost of delicate care, you gave the box a good hard kick.

The box then spat out three different power ups: A leaf, a flower, and a acorn. All of which had cartoonish eyes. "Alright, who gets what?" You asked. "Dibs on the acorn!" Leo says "I'll take the Leaf." Emma says "So I guess that means I'll take the flower." You say. The second that the three of you grab the power ups, you all feel the change and rush of power take place.

Bright whites and reds take Over your appearance as Emma now looks like a cutesy racoon, and Leo now resembled a flying squirrel. "Cool! For once, it's something that DIDN'T come from Balan's hiccups!" Leo shouts. "Yeah, and at least we can fight using these." Emma says, jumping and hovering down to the ground by kicking her legs.

However, your discovery was cut short as a small horde of Goomba spotted you...and started running towards you. "Uh oh! We've got company!" You shout, starting to flail your arms and make small balls of flames appear and knock them out. This unfortunately alerted more enemies of your location...and they didn't look happy.

"Time to go!" Leo shouts as he grabs Kirby and lifts him to higher ground, and Emma helps you up as well. The 4 of you reach the top of a building, You could get a clearer view of your surroundings, and saw the Kirbyfied Celestia. You see that she was hanging precariously over a horde of Pihrana plants that wanted to make a meal out of her.

"Celestia! Hang on!" Kirby yells, running to the ledge of the building, but he found that trying to even GET to her would prove to be a problem, as the air was now filled with many flying enemies. "How. On EARTH. Are we supposed to get to Celestia through THEM!?" Kirby asked. "Well, we have power ups now, so it shouldn't be that hard?" Leo asked.

"Leo. We barely had these things for 2 minutes and we were getting attacked. Something tells me that we're not gonna last long if we charge head on into the fray." You say. "Well we have to do something! Celestia is in trouble!" Kirby yells. That's when you get an idea

"Hey Kirby? Can you still summon those shooting stars of yours?" You ask. Kirby looks curious, before he makes the shooting star on his shirt real. Your eyes widened in delight and you're about to get on, when you spot a strange sight: An unoccupied Flying clown car...but why was it so close?

You look between Kirby's star, and the Clown car. Both of which could fly, but while you don't know how to use the clown car, you didn't know how long Kirby's star would last, or even if the star would HOLD you.

Celestia, Blossom Bay and PLU belong to @sundove88

[maguro13-2]

What happens after the release of Warioware's new game?

Wario : What a day for a vacation after the release of Warioware Move It. I just hope that Waluigi suspect that he supposed to lookout for the house. Well, at least we're back at our hometown of...

*RECORD SCRATCH*

Wario : What the...?!

(We show the ruins of Diamond City after it was completely destroyed)

Wario : Oh no. Diamond City. My beautiful hometown Diamond City! What happened?! Who destroyed the beloved hometown of me!?

Waluigi : Hey, Wario. You cameback from your vacation with the crew. Something went wrong.

Wario : Oh my God! Waluigi! Waluigi! speak to me, man! What happened here?!

Waluigi : I knew that something bad happened to Diamond City, and it was attacked by an invasive group that really knows to the wreck the place.

Wario : That's impossible! *BOING* WHAT THE F***?! (Sees Ashley's mansion covered with graffiti and toilet paper) Ashley Mansion has been vandalized! Covered with graffiti and 4-plys of toilet paper! Nooooo!

Red the Demon : Who's gonna clean up this mess they caused?! *BONK* Hey, isn't that...

Dr Cryor : My lab! My lab! What happened to my lab!? It's gone! It has all our inventions and gadgets!

9-Volt : And all our collection of video games have been samshed! I play smash in our entire lives and now i’m never gonna play!

Jimmy T : Club Sugar's washed up and done for!

Mona : My restaurant, Mona Pizza, is ruined!

Kat : Our dojo has been destroyed!

Orbulon : At least my spaceship is fine.

Dribble : Not quite tho. (Orbulon reads something on the back of his ship) Look at the back of your ship.

Orbulon : What's this? "Wowie Zowie, Orbulon! Your ship looks incredible and is the shape of an animal that eats or smells nothing but...PORK BUTT"!? [Furious] Why I ought to...

Wario : Who really done it this time!? Who would go and wreck the entire place!?

Talking Flower : Hey there, garlic-eating man that runs a microgame company. Nice place you got there.

Wario : You! So you're the one that ransacked my hometown didn't you after we went on vacation for the exercise classes! How can you even think about destroying one's property!? One's property!

Talking Flower : Oh yeah. That would be my buddies that is really liking the town that existed in the Super Mario verse, hope that we didn't mind turning this town into a tourist trap you know.

Ashley : Oh, really? How can you expect from a talking idiot like me? If you really destroyed the place we lived in, that's on you for your flower buddies, I would definitely granting someone to hell for that matters.

Talking Flower : Wowie Zowie, Ashley! I guess your much of an edgy person than you think. I guess my buddies will have to prove to the talking of your gothic life.

Ashley : Oh is that so? You and what army?

Penny Crygor : Ashley, no! Don't ask him that!

Talking Flower : What army? What army? How about this army!

(The Warioware group are surrounded by an army of talking flowers)

Ashley : Oh crap.

Penny Crygor : Never ask the questions "who and what army"!

Talking Flower : Sorry, Wario. Guess we misfortuned about your hometown being a total wreckage we caused. So sorry for having this way in a fairly manner, I'd might say. We did make the people of Diamond City go crazy and caused chaos all over it. What are you gonna do now, you garlic greedy goomba?

[DBZ SFX : POWERING UP]

Wario : [chuckles] If you're really that clever for a talking flora garbage, then I assure one thing that you'll never like it....

Talking Flower : [cower in fear] W-W-W-What's that?

Wario : It's called "You're missing the point".

Talking Flower : Wowie Zowie! Holy sh****t! Is he doing the Vegeta Sacrifice thing?! WOWIE MOTHERF***ING ZOWIE!!! He's absolutely to go Kamikaze attack on us!!!

Mona : Wait. He doesn't remember doing that! He's going to kill us all if he does that from Majin Buu!

Ashley : Majin Buu? What Majin Buu? What are you ...(now realizing) Oh God.

Wario : [furiously] RRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!

[DBZ SFX : ENERGY EXPLOSION]

Wario : Well, I guess that's taking care of that. At least that we all had a great vacation.

Talking Flower : Oh really? That was really quite a performance back there! I never thought you were able to pull off that stunt like that!

Wario : You! How are you still alive?! I just had you blown away in a kamikaze style!

Talking Flower : Oh I don't know. The truth is we all died because of you! At least it's nice in here that they had to chain us up for destroying the super Mario Universe.

[It is revealed that the Warioware crew except for Ashley and Talking Flower are in Hell, being chained up]

Mona : Nice going, Wario! You brought us to a place where bad people had to suffer and tormented.

Red the Demon : Oh hey, this is where I originally came from. My dad works here and he's the demon king.

Ashley : What a surprise, I granted everyone and including kids in hell. Am I the only one that is smart enough to do this?

Wario : [to Waluigi, laughs nervously] Sorry about that, Waluigi. At least hell isn't so bad after the Vacation.

Waluigi : Oh no, it's a way better vacation over here, in hell of course! Well, you can say Warioware has been a major asset to the Super Mario Universe that has been like this for 23 years.

Red the Demon : Oh, hey, look my dad's coming to meet. Hi, dad. These are the guys I work for.

Wario and Waluigi : His dad?!

Wario : Ashley, you don't mean that Red's father is...

Ashley : True that. He's the demon king, ruler of hell.

Wario : Oh boy...

[Red's father appears to be a muscular demon king]

Waluigi : Wow! I never seen a demon who's that ripped.

Penny Crygor : Totally. Hello, father of Red the Demon. We are currently in hell for no reason, I'm Penny Crygor and this is my girlfriend, who she granted us in hell.

Talking Flower : Oh boy.

Red's Father : ....So, you just had to go Kamikaze on the planet, didn't you?

Wario : [in sniper's voice] Ah...piss!

Talking Flower : [sarcastically] Wowie Zowie, man. [In a sly look] Wowie-Zowie.

[Iris shot]

Ashley : It took me years to grant someone to hell for this.

[Iris out]

~ DON'T GO KAMIKAZE ON THE PLANET ~

[freddyfazbearisinmycloset]

I've thought about Kirby's "Dream Friends" in Kirby Star Allies for a while now. so, I thought I'd talk about them. I really enjoy this game, so why not bring it up again? -Bandana Waddle Dee: The joke boss turned hero himself, and about time too! This lovely little dude is a great time to play around with, and can have elements added to his spear to pack an extra punch! He's just a treasure. -King Dedede: Yup, He is gonna be here. also, he really needs to see a doctor because that much possession can't be good for your body. either way, it's the same great hammer-slamming, belly-flopping, ground-pounding moveset you've come to expect. -Meta Knight: I can't do this dude justice by talking about him. Listen to the song "Meta Knight's Revenge" to see what I mean. -Rick, Kine and Coo: Now we're talking! These three are like a Swiss army knife, they can do just about anything. Fire? Check. Water? Check. Wind? Check. Rock? Check, Ice? Ehhh only underwater. but not only can they solve almost any puzzle, Rick can even Goomba-stomp enemies! Hows that for utility? -Marx: ...Dream Friend. Dream Friend. Maybe I missed something between Marx being shot into Nova and now, but I don't remember any friendliness between him and Kirby. Also, according to the pause menu he took over the world because he was hungry, pretty funny stuff. anyway, He is one of the most powerful early characters, worthy of a final boss for sure. -Gooey: Doesn't know why he's here, which is understandable. it's so nice to have Gooey back, this Dark Matter who changed his ways is a decent all rounder with some powerful attacks. it's Gooey. not much more to say other than he's a good little guy. -Adeline & Ribbon: Man, these two bring back nostalgia... ahem, These two are actually the best characters in this game! not kidding, while their health is abysmal, their guard makes them invincible, and they are the best Healers by far. if you go on the defensive, even the hardest challenges can be cheesed, if you like that sort of thing. they also have unique paint interactions as well. -Dark Meta Knight: I still don't get why he's here. According to the pause menus, he's only here for personal gain. He is also NOT a direct copy of Meta Knight, using multiple mirror-based attacks that take up large amounts of the screen, he's so powerful in fact, he might even be able to split someone into four! (hehehe...) -Daroach: Fun fact, in Kirby Mass Attack, he acts as a hint system for finding treasure. Daroach may be a friend now, but he is still a thief, and his entire Squeak Squad (yes that's their name) are apart of his move set! he is overall great to play, not to mention his feet do little tippy taps when he walks. Also, their theme is a absolute bop! -Magolor: After that honestly horrible apology in the form of a theme park, Magolor is here to help! He is just an absolute BEAST who has tons of power packing. when it comes to power, I'd say they are the second strongest in the game, which is saying a lot! not only that, but they also use that (apparently useless) in game currency from Super Kirby Clash to blow up opponents! -Taranza: This dude has some untreated trauma we need to address... some other time. His attacks aren't too notable, but he can use a vision of his (now deceased) friend to strike down foes with lightning! how's that for kid's game? trust me, between this, the death cult, and the Giant Elder God, this series has been darker than most can expect. not even mentioning the giant death angel eye! -Susie: In the Japanese version, she's here to unite everyone with the power of science in peace and harmony. which is a nice sentiment, if it weren't for the fact the English version states she's here to continue her father's original plan. great. anyways, she is overall just fun to play, with a full on mech to play with! for her base attack, she wields a gun. -There's another. the strongest, but that isn't my tale to tell...

While Star Allies is without a doubt in my mind the easiest game in the series, there's still a lot of charm to it. it's a great celebration of history and it will always be dear to my heart.

[cookierunacademyau]

Welcome to Starlight Academy!

The official blog for any and all Cookie Run: Academy AU related things.

Visit the server here!

So what is this AU?

This AU is created by Anthony7612, and revolves around various Cookie Run characters in a High School setting. But it's a combination of College and High School so it's called an Academy.

There's no magic in this AU as it takes place in real life. And uhh the Beast Cookies don't exist in this AU. Just wanted to mention that.

Shining Glitter is commonly treated as the AU's protagonist, but other Cookies will get the spotlight.

This AU is still expanding, with a fanfic on Archive of Our Own, a Comic Studio, and a possible Roblox game in the works.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy it!

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

FAQ

(Will continue expanding.)

Q: Can I make Rule 34 of this AU? A: NO. 90% of the cast (Excluding Teachers and external adults, which make up the 10%) are minors. Also, at the time of writing, I am a minor, so... don't do that. Q: Can I send fanart/fanfics/comics/headcanons/etc? A: Of course! Seeing those always brightens my day. Also gives me a feeling of giddiness, I don't know. Either way, you can go on and post your stuff if you want to! If you're doing it on your account, please use the #Cookie Run Academy AU hashtag or a variation of it, so that I will check it! Q: Can I voice-act/animate the fanfic? A: Sure! Just tag me so that I can leave a review. Q: Will there be a game? A: A Roblox Game is in early development. A full-on game would be cool, though! (No microtransactions included. Hooray!) ───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰.:｡✧.｡:｡.｡✱ ───

STUDENTS

(This page is a little bit outdated, I'll get to making Student Bios for when I eventually make a website for the AU.)

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰.:｡✧.｡:｡.｡✱ ───

CONTENT GUIDELINES

As mentioned, do not make NSFW-related works on this AU. Stick to PG-13 or lower for content, including language and situations.

Gore is allowed. I don't care.

To differentiate the Academy!Characters from the OG!Cookies, please use their uniforms. However, some characters have traits that deviate them from the OG counterparts, such as Blue Lily having a headband.

If you're considering working with me for incorporating OCs or AU elements, always ask for permission first.

Make sure to credit me.

Any content that promotes hate speech, harassment, or discrimination towards others is unacceptable.

OCs are welcome but should be introduced carefully and not overshadow existing characters. They should also be well-developed and consistent with the AU's overall tone.

Avoid depictions of major character deaths.

If you wish to touch on real-world themes such as mental health, societal issues, or personal growth, approach these topics thoughtfully, just like how the fanfic would do it.

If you break any of the rules, you're gonna turn into a Goomba!

[kyshiwarrior]

fellow long time jet defender here now that we have the hot live action version the tiktok girlies are turning the tables and also defending him i think thats where the new popular opinion is cause they’re editing animated jet to go with the live action one…. where we they all when people were saying jet was worse than ozai after animated atla got put on netflix

where we they all when people were saying jet was worse than ozai!!!!!

EXACTLY. EXACTLY.

fellow comrade, we've been by his side through goomba eyebrows and all, we deserve compensation. I called that this was gonna happen, but its still disappointing to see your favorite that you've wrote a multitude of essays dedicated to understanding him be reduced to eye candy ... like cool... people like him now... but that doesn't mean they're even bothering to understand a very important character still so I'm still cutting my losses :/

[nachfo]

If your not watching the super mario brothers super show! Your gonna turn into a goomba!!

NOOOO DONT TURN ME INTO A GOOMBA!

[lex-munro]

[Suicide Squad Scrap] Princess pt. 17

self-indulgent batjokes-flavored SS/BvS/JL, installment 17.  by this point, Ratcatcher has accepted Joker’s somewhat ambiguous gender identity and has decided they are platonic galpals.  chapter contains a barely-off-panel sex act.  TW:  dubious/coerced consent.

the piece as a whole is rated Mature for pervasive language, varying degrees of violence, use of controlled substances, sexual references, questionable ethics, and themes of mental illness.  set from Flag’s POV, with references to Birds of Prey, but not compliant with The Suicide Squad.

p.s. i’ve loved pretty much every version of Mercy Graves.  shoutout to underpaid henchwomen.

p.p.s. Mister J is genuinely more upset about his hair, just saying.  that’s where the bad behavior is coming from.

***

~All right, I’ve tapped a line to the admin server, so we’ll be able to pull a prison census and a map, as well as maybe some easy admin overrides.  Resuming my trip to the roof while Flag heads out to be Mister J’s backup.~

Flag sets about fully securing the unconscious guards.

~Overrides, eh?~ says Digger.  ~Anything for the front door?~

~No, Goomba, I fucking told you the door control is on the naked-ass roof of this building, where I will probably get shot to death if somebody sees me.  So!  I’m at the door now, Mister J—give ‘em the old razzle-dazzle.~

~Probably gonna end up cuffed, so I’ll leave my comm open,~ Joker tells them.  ~Here we go.~

A knock.

~Candygram!~

~Classic,~ Digger says with a chuckle.

A minor commotion.

~Four of you?  I charge extra for gang bangs.~

~Shut the fuck up!  Who are you?  How did you get here?~

~Now, now, no call for such aggression.~

~ Got the door,~ says Ratcatcher.

~Heh, open sesa—FUCKING HELL!  Jeezling Chrimbo holiday biscuit batter…~

“Report!” Flag snaps.  He finishes tying the last guard and heads for the door.

~Fucking close call, is all,~ grumbles Digger.  ~Doors started to close as soon as I crossed the threshold.  Got one sleeve stuck and a very good boomerang at a very precise angle keeping the door from crushing half my torso and skull.  Can’t even take a full breath.  I am at your fuckin’ mercy, Arcee.~

~Some kinda failsafe—I’m on it, Dicker.~

~Handcuffs, oh my.  That’s one of my kinks, boys.  Ooh, and manhandling!  Lucky me.~

Flag hits the door running.  “Backup on the way, Jay!”

~Pretty mouth on you, princess.  Whattaya say?  Gonna be a good little freak for Daddy?~

~Oh, I’m definitely a freak~ the Joker says.  ~But I’ve already got a Daddy.  Still, I fancy myself a talented cocksucker, and I haven’t been face-fucked in ages, so if you’re volunteering…~

“Jay, you don’t have to go that far,” Flag pants, bursting into the lookout building.

~Speaking as the person most likely to be shot to death if these fuckers happen to look out the window at the wrong time, go as far as it fucking takes!~ Ratcatcher snaps.

~As the person currently one boomerang away from being a human crepe if she gets shot, I second the motion!~ adds Digger.

~Yeah, princess?~ the thug leader says, sounding too interested.

~You said I had a pretty mouth, didn’t ya?  No gag reflex, either.  Ah-ah!~ Joker scolds with a little growl.  ~Hands off the ‘do.  Only Daddy gets to touch my hair.~

~Yeah, we’ll see who’s your Daddy, sweetie…~

~Ick,~ says Ratcatcher.  ~Men are so gross.  I’m almost done, max three more minutes.  Lie back and think of England.  Or…I’unno, Gotham, I guess.~

(~You know, not all men are like that.~ ~Did you seriously just fucking ‘not all men’ me?  Not all rats can chew your dick off in ten seconds or less—wanna chance that when I get down there?~)

Seven goddamn floors up, and the elevator has an ‘out of order’ sign hanging from it.  “Piece of shit broken elevator,” Flag huffs, and bursts into the stairwell.

~Best three minutes of your life, coming right up,~ Joker purrs, followed by a long, loud slurp.

~I feel like there should be a word for turned on, grossed-out, and terrified on account of being on the verge of getting literally crushed to death all at the same time,~ Digger grunts.  ~The stress will kill me if this damn thing don’t, Arcee, hurrythefuckup.~

~Eugh, think I’m gonna hurl,~ Ratcatcher groans over the loud noises of whichever-asshole-lookout having too much fun for a guy with metal teeth next to his junk.

~Almost to ya, Arcee,~ says Lawton.  ~And then anybody looking out here ain’t gonna see shit but a bullet.~

Flag hears another wet sound and a drawn-out moan and runs harder.

~Heh, whatcha gonna do now you’re a sloppy mess, princess?  Whatcha gonna tell your Daddy, huh?  What now?~  And the guy laughs mockingly.

Joker spits (not in the guy’s face, from the lack of reaction, but it’d serve the fucker right).

~In position,~ hisses Lawton.  ~Jay, you just say the word, and that piece of shit has frontal lobe air conditioning.~

~Hmmm, what now?~ Joker drawls with eerie calm.  ~What’s your name, big guy?~

“Coming up the stairs,” says Flag.  “Ready to breach on your signal.”

~Vince,~ the rapist says.

Joker makes an agreeable noise.  ~Well, Vinnie, now you’re all mine.  I’m gonna start by fuckin’ up your knee, and maybe breaking your nose.  The guy by the window’s going down next, and one of the guys by the door.  By then, I’ll be out of my cuffs, so I’ll drop Number Four with something heavy, like that lamp over there, probably before he can even raise his gun.  Then me ‘n you are gonna have some quality time together, Vinnie.~

~You delusional f—~

There’s a couple of meaty crunching noises, then laughter and a bullet through the window, so Flag rams the door and clotheslines the guy right next to it.

Joker swings the floor lamp at the last guy, hitting him precisely in the temple and dropping him like a sack of potatoes.

One guy is still writhing on the ground:  presumably Vince, and Flag is a hundred percent behind the idea of letting Joker do whatever the fuck he wants to the creep.

(~Got it!~ says Ratcatcher.  And, ~About fuckin’ time,~ coughs Digger.)

Joker unfastens the second handcuff and lets it drop, then smoothes a hand over his curls (tangled and mussed from being pulled, and for some reason, the idea turns Flag’s stomach worse than the noises before).  “Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie,” he tuts, then sighs.  “You were doing so well.  I like swallowing a little sausage now and then, but ya got greedy.”

~Anybody recording for posterity?~ Ratcatcher asks with a dark chuckle.

~I got you covered, Jay,~ Lawton says.  ~He tries anything, he’s gone.  You do whatever your bloodthirsty little heart desires, man.~

Joker flicks his butterfly knife out of his pocket and fidgets it open and shut a couple of times.  “I toldya, Vinnie:  only Daddy gets to touch my hair.  But you just had to have a yank.  If I hadn’t had such a good upbringing, I’d use this knife to do something real unladylike to ya,” he says, trailing the blade up the inside of Vince’s thigh.  “Instead, I’m gonna do you a favor:  I’m gonna make it so you can smiiiiile, ear to ear, every single day, happy as can be.”

Flag makes himself watch as Joker slides the knife in and jerks it back out twice to the sound of pained howls.  There’s lipstick on the guy’s fly.

Joker purrs happily and puts his knife away. “Much better!  Why so serious?” he asks, showing his three grinning tatts to the sobbing mess on the floor.  Then he wipes his left hand across to reveal his hateful scowl, lipstick smearing in a false half-grin.  “And the name’s Joker, you ungrateful fucking Philistine.  Can’t anybody fucking read anymore?”

“You need anything else here, Jay?” Flag offers.

Instead of answering, the clown switches his comm back from open and sweeps out of the room.  As he follows behind, Flag can see that Joker’s pants are riding lower than ever, showing an unfamiliar tattoo across his tailbone, just below the dimples.

“Is that seriously a tiny bat-shaped tramp stamp?” Flag asks.

Joker just flashes a wordless grin over his shoulder.

Lawton meets them out front with the coat Flag abandoned earlier, and he helps Joker into it without being asked.

~My buddies found Turner,~ Ratcatcher informs them.  ~Yo, Dicker, you through yet?~

~Yeah.  I’m looking at the main comms relay, which looks to have itemized camera feeds.  Hold up, got a boomerang for this…~

The fire escape rattles, and Ratcatcher lands in a crouch beside them.  “They said Croc’s near the bottom, and Turner’s one floor up.  Thanks for keeping them off me Mister J—that was pretty boss of you.”  The tablet beeps, and she starts poking through the cameras.  “Good work, Human Crepe; I got visual on the target.  Bronze Tiger, the fuck kinda codename is that?  Sounds like a wrestling move…”

“Porn star,” Flag argues.

“Gaybar,” Joker asserts, to general agreement.  “Fuck, now I wanna own a gaybar called Bronze Tiger…”

“Elevator shaft?” says Lawton.

“Natch.  Not feeling energetic about ladders, though, so I vote for riding most of the way.”

“Arcee?” Flag prompts.

One of her ‘buddies’ climbs her and tells her something.  “Yep, the cellar door here connects to the tunnels where Human Crepe is rollin’ up; auxiliary freight elevator there can take us all the way down.”

In they go, down rusted stairs and into echoing tunnels.  A right turn, a left corner, a right corner, a pair of two-foot-thick thresholds that must’ve been the airlock that almost crushed Digger.  He’s just unplugging a little pocket computer from the comms relay box as they approach.

Another fifty feet, and there it is, clearly labeled ‘Auxiliary Freight Elevator,’ like a plot device in a cartoon.  Lawton helps Flag wrench open the rickety steel gate, and they’re on their way.

Ratcatcher starts humming Girl From Ipanema as they descend.  Lawton joins in.  And then Joker starts singing.

“And when she passes, I smile but she doesn’t see…”

“Doesn’t seeee,” Digger chimes in on cue.

Flag kind of hopes the elevator will crash and they’ll all die.

They peter off into blessed silence, and Flag has just enough time to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Fuck!” Joker yells, startling them.

“Jesus!” squawks Digger.  “What?”

“I chipped a goddamn nail…should’ve cut Vinnie’s balls off after all.”  Joker seethes for a moment, then reaches up to smooth down his hair again.  “Is my hair okay, at least?  Fuck, I feel ugly.”

“Aw, no, Mister J,” Ratcatcher tells him, daintily reaching up to fix a minor tangle.  “You’re so pretty.  Nobody else could pull off orange and purple like you do, ‘specially with green hair.  The Bat would still totally swoon if he saw you right now, chipped nail and all.”

Joker settles a little.  “I’m gonna shoot so many kneecaps when we get down there.”

“No, you’re not,” Flag admonishes.  “We’re trying to be sneaky.  No loud noises if we can avoid it.”

“Croc ain’t exactly subtle, either,” Digger says.

“Jones knows when to keep it low key.”

Lawton scoffs.  “The James Brown suit he was rocking the other day would be evidence to the contrary.”

“Not everybody can pull off a cravat like that.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t make it work; it just wasn’t low key.  Should maybe get Turner first.  What was the security like, Arcee?”

“Huh?  Kinda thin, but they don’t need numbers with those fancy LexCorp guns.  You know those things got a puke setting?  For ‘non-violent pacification.’  Yuck.  Heard that Mercy bitch was around, too; some kinda inspection that’s got the wardens here piddling like puppies.”

Lawton hums thoughtfully.  “Shitty tunnels with piped power, everybody on edge…  Who’s up for a haunted house?”

Flag sees the shape of a plan.  “We’ll stop early—Arcee will hit the lights while Jay plays diversion.  Lawton pops ‘em quiet as a…well, mouse.  If Luthor’s henchbitch is here, all the more reason to tread softly.”

Joker tilts his head.  “Never had a chance to meet her.  She’s that scary, huh?”

“She carries Kryptonite bullets and once beat the shit out of Deathstroke,” Flag explains.

“Hmmmm.”

“No.  Whatever you just thought, no.  I’m not explaining to the Bat how I let you get your ass handed to you by a megalomaniac’s sidekick.  We’re doing the haunted house thing.  You like scaring the piss outta people, right?”

So they take out the lights and go for Turner first, Joker humming a little tune and skipping through the shadows like something out of The Shining.  The third guard they take down really does piss himself.

Nobody they take out has keys to the cells, which is very inconvenient.  Joker dances his way down the corridors, spectral in the shitty chartreuse emergency backup lighting, and glues himself to a door.

“He still intact?” Flag asks, assuming it’s their target.

“Hm?  Oh.  Yep.  Anybody got a set of  lockpicks?”

“You don’t?” Lawton asks, brows high on his forehead.

“Nah.  Always borrow ‘em.”

“Stand back, kids,” Ratcatcher says.  She cracks her knuckles and pulls out a metal file and a dental scraper from her coat pockets.

“Where the hell—” Flag starts to ask.  “Never mind, don’t wanna know.”

After about ninety seconds of little clicks and clinks and metallic scraping noises, the lock turns.  “Lucky those fit,” she comments.  “Real thing is a lot skinnier.”

Turner—codename Bronze Tiger—sits up with a yawn and says, “Do I know you?”  He’s handcuffed and dressed in a plain blue jumpsuit.

“Nope,” says Flag.  “You’re coming with us, though.  Any idea where they put your claws?”

“Guard station, next corridor over.  Little shits were playin’ with ‘em.”

“Arcee—”

“My buddies are already on it.  We taking Deadweight to get Croc, or we splitting up?”

Turner puffs up angrily.  “Deadweight my ass!  Uncuff me, and—”

“Not gonna happen,” scoffs Flag.  “Arcee, you ‘n Boomerang Boy take Gaybar back topside while me, Jay, and—where the hell’s Jay?”

They all look around, then look at Lawton.

“The hell y’all look at me for?  I ain’t the man’s babysitter.”

Overhead, the intercom crackles to life.

~Paging Mmmiss Mercy Graves,~ Joker purrs.  ~One of your wardens would like to register a complaint about his wwwork environment.~

~Please, please,~ somebody else simpers.  ~Please, don’t kill me.  W-what do you want?  Why are you smiling like that?  What are you—~  And the broadcast trails off into blood curdling screams that can’t quite drown out gleeful cackles.

“Oof, so much for low profile,” snorts Ratcatcher.  A pair of rats bring her some wicked looking armored gloves.

“Fuck,” Flag grumbles.  “Well, let’s go get the Twin Masters of Unsubtlety.”

They all pile back into the elevator (Digger shoves Turner along, probably mostly to use him as a human shield should the need arise) and ride it down one more floor.

Joker is unlocking a set of handcuffs from Croc’s wrists.  Beside them, a motionless guard has had his shirt ripped open and the words ‘Joker was here’ cut into the skin of his torso.  “Passed out partway through, real disappointing,” Joker says.  “Hasn’t even lost that much blood…what a baby.”

“We need to leave before Graves finds us,” Flag says firmly.

“Rrrgh, you’re so boring!” growls Joker, metal teeth gleaming.

“You compromise this mission and you will absolutely not get a visit from Daddy,” Flag retorts.

Joker subsides to a pout and sulks his way onto the elevator.

Flag is dumb enough to think they’re fine now—that they’ve gotten away with it.

Then the cage of the elevator rises past some very serious stiletto heels and an equally serious sidearm, and Flag shoves their precious cargo behind Croc as he and Lawton open fire through the grating.  Graves dodges while returning fire with something that melts red-hot holes into the floor and the rear wall of the elevator (“Shitshitshit!” “You’re on my fucking foot, Captain Bonobo!” “Singed my damn suit—now I’m mad.”).  She empties the mag just as the elevator floor passes her head—she licks her middle finger and points with it.

“Got my eye on you, clown,” she calls after them.

“Try two; you’re a shit shot!” Joker retorts.

.End.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Luigi (Lederhosen)

Debut: Mario Kart Tour

Happy Pride Month! At a glance, you might think we're being silly again, and I wouldn't blame you. How on earth could Luigi (Lederhosen) possibly relate to Pride Month?

Well, take a closer look at his hat... do you see it?

That's right! Luigi (Lederhosen) is proud to be German! And what better way to celebrate that pride than to wolf down a thick, juicy sausage? After spending so long in the closet as an Italian-passing man, Luigi has decided to start showing his true self! Congratulations on coming out, Luigi! We're as proud of you as you should be of yourself!

The concept of a Mario gacha game is really, really funny to me. If you've followed this blog for a significant amount of time, you know Mario has a PLETHORA of wacky and obscure characters you could fill up a gacha with!

But ol' Nintendo has a very specific idea of how the Mario brand should look, and none of those characters are part of it! So instead, they have to either dig deep for the most obscure Basic Mario Characters they can think of (this is how Goomba Tower and Baby Wario got their doctorates!) OR dress up the Main Mario Cast in a variety of silly outfits! Mario Kart Tour opts for the latter!

And since Mario Kart Tour has courses based on real world locations... that's how Luigi (Lederhosen) was born!

Luigi (Lederhosen) was put into the game alongside Berlin Byways, or rather, Berlin Byways 2 because that's the version they implemented first for some reason. But I'm going to use a picture of Berlin Byways 1 on account of I think it's funnier. They turned the Berlin Wall into a wacky Mario Kart stage hazard with Whomps! And now it advertises BaNaNa Boy, yippee! Let one slip! Not long now until this gets ported to Mario Kart 8 Deluxe!

Luigi (Lederhosen) also has his very own kart! Meet the Fast Frank, which comes in two varieties! One which is red like your average, everyday sausage, and one which is

Needless to say, Luigi (Lederhosen) is not a Weird Mario Enemy. We could never consider Luigi an enemy, and ESPECIALLY not a version as proud as this one! But nonetheless, there IS a Mario enemy we need to talk about, one much more sinister than any other...

That's right. It's time to talk about predatory business practices!

Name: Predatory Business Practices

Debut: Capitalism

You see, if you download Mario Kart Tour and boot up a fresh save right now, you won't be able to immediately select Luigi (Lederhosen), nor will you be able to select either of his Fast Franks!

Luigi (Lederhosen) is a character in a gacha game, a rare character at that, and one that's only available during limited periods! If you want to unlock our frankfurter friend, you're gonna have to grind, and the odds are stacked against you... the game wants you to crack under the pressure! They want you to spend your money on overpriced rubies, and even then, it's STILL only a chance! Gacha systems are the WURST!

I was lucky enough to get Luigi (Lederhosen) in Mario Kart Tour without spending any money, but I am not a better woman for it. I think it's unfair that most people will never get a taste of Luigi's sausage! Everyone should be allowed to witness Luigi wave his wiener around in pride!

[sosorryjack]

If you don’t accept the offer of a fire flower, youre gonna turn into a goomba

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

The Beginning of Smash Piece

The date was March 31st. Mario was handcuffed, had weights on his legs to prevent jumping, and walking up a tall flight of stairs, as countless onlookers watched. Despite of his impending fate, he had the same smile on his face.

Mario, internally: Inherited Will, The Uniting of the Age, The Wishes of the People. As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of Freedom, these such things shan’t ever cease.

Mario arrives at the top, two Hammer Bros standing with their signature mallets.

Hammer Bro #1: Mario Mario, do you have any last words you wish to speak? We can honor you that much.

Mario’s gaze turns to the Hammer Bro. The Hammer Bro flinches.

Mario: …Mind taking these restraints off? They’re chafing.

Hammer Bro #1: You know we can’t do that.

Mario: Really? That’s a shame….(sits down) Okay. Get it over with.

Mario sat down with his same happy go lucky smile. The Hammer Bros remained solemn. They lifted their hammers, and clanged them together.Clang! Each clang slowly bringing it closer to Mario’s head. Clang! The crowd watches, their breaths still and the air tense. Clang!

???: Hey, Mr. Videogame!!

Everyone glances to a lone Goomba. 

Goomba: What’d you do with the last Smash Bros invitation letter? It’s somewhere in the combined Smash World, isn’t it? You have it, don’t you?! The most priceless item in the world?! With the name of the final person you’ll add?

Hammer Bro #2: Insolent! Hold your tongue! 

Goomba: The one special treasure? THE SMASH PIECE!!

Mario: Heh…hehehehe…HAHAHHAHAAHAHA!!

Mario: That letter? 

Hammer Bros #1&2: All right, that’s enough!

Mario: If you want it, I’ll let you have it. Go look for it. You can probably get into Smash as a character that way. Hell, you could add whoever you wanted into Smash with that thing!

The Hammer Bros raise their hammers….

Mario: I left all of it in that place! Find it if you can!

Clank!

…

Narrator: Those were the final words of Super Mario Mario. However, his parting speech did not fall on deaf ears. Now, people and creatures from across the video game multiverse begin to scour the world for Smash Piece, the item that will allow their dreams to either join Smash Bros, or enable the person of their dreams to join, to come true!

-

YO!

YO-YO-YAI-YO!

DREAM IT!

Don’t give it up Joker!

DREAM IT!

Don’t give it up Link!

DREAM IT!

Don’t give it up Peach!

DREAM IT!

Don’t give it up, give it up, g-g-give it-give it up-give it UP!

Here’s how the story goes, we find out,

‘Bout a treasure in Nintendo, there’s no doubt

The Smasher’s whose eye’s on it he’ll sing,

King of the Smasher’s I’M GONNA BE KING!

Yai-yo, yai-yo, yai-yooooo, yo-oh!

His name is Joker, that’s Akira Ren Joker,

Gonna be KING OF THE SMASHER’S!

He’s got magic!

How did that happen?!

WA-HA-HA! He made a deal for magic powers!

His name is Link, he’s like a Knight of Olde!

And L-A-D-Y Peach is not shy!

Pit is doin’ that Marksman thing,

Ryu’s cookin’, Robin’s doctoring!

Yai-yo, yai-yo, yai-yooooo, yo-oh!

Set for SMAAASH PIECE!

It’s the name of the Treasure,

in NINTENDOOOO!

Yai-yo, yai-yo

Set sail for 

SMASH PIECE!