#bagginshield ficlet

[somanyofthekids]

(via @beautyagegoodnesssize re: this post)

“Come on, Uncle! You can’t sit out here the entire time! We’ll be in line for at least 45 minutes, you have to come with us!”

Thorin dragged a hand down his face. Mahal love his nephews, but...

“Kili, I would really prefer-”

Kili’s eyes widened. His lip quivered. He gave a barely audible sniff. 

For an 18 year old face, it was entirely too convincing. Thorin sighed. 

“All right. I’m coming.”

“YEAH!” Kili nearly tackled him in a hug, the two of them only held up by Fili tackling in the opposite direction. 

The wait ended up actually being closer to an hour. Luckily most of it was in the shade, and aside from his own nephews and one group of younger teens ahead of them in line, it wasn’t too loud. 

The true problem of waiting in line was that it gave Thorin plenty of time to evaluate every single possible design flaw in the roller coaster. Every single rattling bolt, every shaking support beam, and every rickety cart. 

Thorin was going to die.

They were almost to the front when he saw the sign. 

“Singles Will Be Paired”

Great. 

He was going to die, and he was going to do it next to some sweaty, idiotic, chatterbox stranger while sitting in a barely secured cart going 500 miles an hour. He groaned and wondered if Kili and Fili would notice if he slipped out of line now. 

“Singles!” a park employee called. “Single riders over here! Sir, step over here please!”

“Bye Uncle! See you at the bottom!!”

Thorin scowled at the two of them gleefully lining up for the next ride in the front cart, and reluctantly stepped over to the employee waving him over. Trepidatiously, he glanced at the single rider already waiting with his back to Thorin. Short, curly hair- he didn’t look too sweaty. Thorin thought that maybe he’d lucked out, right up until the man turned around. 

Thorin nearly froze. 

The stranger was, by far, the cutest man Thorin had ever seen. 

Pink cheeks, slightly upturned nose, bright eyes, and a nervous grin. 

“Hello! We’re sitting together then? Hope you don’t get motion sickness, hah.” He suddenly looked worried. “You don’t get motion sickness, do you?”

Thorin finally shook himself from his heart framed gaze and managed to grunt out, “No.”

“Oh, good good. I don’t either, so you have nothing to worry about there. I’m not, ah, particularly, well, fond of roller coasters. But my nephew and his friends convinced me that I’d be missing out on a truly life altering experience if I were to sit this one out, although perhaps I should have questioned further just exactly how my life will be altered-”

“Step forward into the cart, sirs,” the bored sounding park employee talked over him, and Thorin almost slapped a hand over her face for interrupting the flow of his delightful voice.

Thorin lurched forward first, stumbling into the low cart. He sat down just in time to see the man’s eyes flick up, his cheeks flushing even pinker for a moment. Thorin furrowed his brow. 

“Are you overheated?”

“No! Nope. Just nerves.” He quickly shut his mouth after that, climbing into the cart after Thorin and doing his own belt. 

They sat quietly for a moment. Just one, and then the man said, “My name’s Bilbo, by the way.”

Bilbo. Thorin tucked away the name like a treasure. 

“Thorin,” he returned with a nod. 

“Lovely to meet you Thorin.”

There was a commotion up front, stalling the employees trying to do the safety checks. 

“Oh no,” Bilbo muttered. Thorin raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Can you see?” Bilbo asked. “Does it look like a boy, about twelve years old, dark curly hair? Sitting next to a blonde boy wearing suspenders?”

“Suspenders?” Thorin raised an eyebrow. “At a theme park?”

“Honestly, it’s amazing we convinced him not to wear overalls. Can you see? The dark haired one is my nephew, I brought him here.”

Thorin craned his head, looking toward the front. He thought he could see the pair that Bilbo was talking about, but they were just sitting and laughing. No, the commotion was way up front. At the very front, in fact. 

Thorin cursed. 

“Oh goodness, is it them?” Bilbo asked, alarmed, reaching out for his own look. 

“No, I’m afraid it’s my own nephews.” Thorin continued looking, internally debating whether or not he should get out of the cart and go interfere. Just before he moved, one of the park employees triumphantly snatched away two bottle rockets and a lighter. 

“Mahal’s sake, how did they even get those in?” Thorin moaned. “Have they been walking around with fireworks in their pants all day?!”

Bilbo consolingly patted Thorin on the arm, doing his best not to snort.

“There, there. They wouldn’t be nephews if you didn’t want to murder them at least once a month.”

Thorin let out a surprised little chuckle and glanced back at Bilbo with a smile. 

It was only another minute before the entire ride had been checked, and the park employees were all holding thumbs up. A second later the carts started to click forward.

Thorin gripped the bar in front of them tightly, distantly surprised when Bilbo’s hands latched on next to his, fingertips white with pressure. Thorin glanced over and noticed that a bit of his pink complexion had drained to white as well. 

He was so concerned by the change, and perhaps still a bit taken in by Bilbo’s adorable face, that he missed the first twenty seconds of the ride. 

Which meant he missed the first incline. 

Which meant he missed the pause at the first precipice. 

Which meant he was completely surprised by the first descent. 

A startled yell tore itself from his throat, his hands gripping the bar even tighter. The sound of his yell must have unleashed something in Bilbo, because he let out a sound that was somewhere between a screech and yodel. 

The carts bottomed out and flung up again, this time banking hard to the left, breaking Bilbo’s grip and throwing him into Thorin’s side, where he scrabbled at Thorin’s arm, digging his fingers in and holding on for dear life. 

Before Thorin could have any thought about that, the cart swerved to the right, this time throwing Thorin and all his weight into Bilbo, crushing them both into the corner of the cart. 

Thorin scrambled to help Bilbo back upright, worried that he might actually get squashed into a pancake if the ride did that again. Bilbo’s grip on Thorin’s arm somehow got even tighter, and the ride swooped down once more just as they both managed to get completely upright.

On instinct, Thorin wrapped both his arms around Bilbo, hiding his yell in Bilbo’s hair while Bilbo yelped into Thorin’s shoulder, the two of them screaming as they bounced back and forth in the shaking little cart. Thorin squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that his sister would forgive him for dying at the theme park, making her have to come pick up the boys. 

Bilbo and Thorin both held onto each other, their grips the most stable part of the entire ride, and eventually they began to slow. The wind got quieter, the air a little warmer, and then, finally-

Click

The safety bar unlocked. 

Thorin pried one eye open, looking around to be sure that they were back on the stable platform. Slowly, so slowly, he managed to loosen his grip on Bilbo, although not let go of him entirely. Bilbo’s eyes were still shut. 

“It’s over,” Thorin mumbled, haphazardly smoothing out his partner’s curls with little success. 

“Did we die?” Bilbo asked, refusing to open his eyes just yet. 

“We’re still at the theme park, so I suppose the answer to that lies in what you think of heaven or hell.”

Bilbo let out a laugh at that, finally opening his eyes. 

“Sirs, you need to exit the cart.” The bored employee was back. 

“Yes, yes, alright,” Bilbo snapped. They both got up on wobbly legs and stumbled a little on their way down toward the exit, everyone else having already left. 

“Good gracious, life altering experience indeed,” Bilbo muttered, straightening his clothes and hair as they walked. He glanced up at Thorin after a moment. “I was afraid I might have left a bruise or two on your arm.”

Thorin shrugged. 

“I’m afraid I might have burst your eardrum.”

Bilbo gave back a crooked smile, and Thorin’s stomach swooped again as if he were still on the ride.

When they reached the exit, they both automatically searched for their nephews, only to find Fili and Kili showing card tricks to Bilbo’s nephew and his suspenders friend.

“Uncle Bilbo, Uncle Bilbo!” The dark haired boy hurried over. “That guy can guess my card right every single time!!”

“What can I say,” Fili said, faux casually. “Some of us are just born magicians.”

Bilbo’s nephew snorted. 

“Magician, right. Teach me how to do the trick!!”

“Come on Frodo,” the other kid whined. “I’m starving! There was a corn dog hut back there-”

“Oh, CORN DOGS,” Kili said excitedly. “Uncle!! Corn dogs!”

Thorin glanced at Bilbo.

“How do you feel about food on a stick?”

Bilbo smiled back. 

“Horrible. I hate it. Let’s go.”

[heclwiq]

Read on AO3

Thorin walked into their bedroom, his strut was slow and rather seductive. As he reached the bed he bent his body trying to be as sexy as he could. He looked athis husband and purred lightly.

“Baby, I wannado bad things to you…”

A soft grown was heard, but Thorin kept going. He crawled in all fours towards his husband climbing onto his lap softly.

“I’m gonna make you scream so loud tonight…”

That was the moment Bilbo raised his eyes from the tablet in his hands.

“Thorin, honey, I love you and all that but I’m watching Downton Abbey so you’re gonna shut the hell up and let me watch my shows okay?”

Thorin rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Yes, dear.”

[somanyofthekids]

Can I ask for a Bagginshield + 20?

Yes you can!!

     20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

Bilbo was late for dinner. 

Bilbo, as a rule, was never late for dinner. The few times Thorin had been late for dinner, Bilbo had treated him to a silent meal with a waterfall of words afterwards. Words about how It’s disrespectful to the cook and Dinner should be spent with your husband and In case you lost track, I am the husband you are supposed to be spending dinner with. 

So when Bilbo was late to dinner, Thorin was mostly just looking forward to teasing him about How The Mighty Have Fallen. However, as time for the meal completely passed and turned into the time Bilbo would have been preparing a pre-bedtime snack, Thorin began to worry. 

Of course his first instinct was to call out the guards in order to scour the mountain for his consort, but the decades of marriage to his hobbit had taught him that that might be an overreaction. Instead, he set out by himself to check a few suggestible spots. 

First he checked the library, supposing he might have fallen asleep while reading. Then he checked the gardens. Perhaps there was some kind of night blooming plant that needed special care? When that turned up empty, he went back to their quarters to be sure he hadn’t come back while Thorin had been gone, but they too were free from hobbits. 

Thorin was truly agitated now. The kitchens, he thought. And if he’s not in the kitchens, then overreaction be damned. 

He sped his way down to the kitchens that Bombur had ruled since the reclamation of Erebor. He burst through the first door, eyes scanning the empty room. The knot in his chest tightened and he was just ready to sprint out to the nearest guard, when he heard it. 

“I can’t recommend this, old friend.”

Was that Gandalf? What was he doing here? Why hadn’t he come to see Thorin?

“So you’ve said,” bit out another familiar voice.

Thorin sighed with relief. Of course Bilbo was in the kitchens. He should have checked here first, honestly. Thorin started to move towards the pantry that contained the voices he was hearing, but paused when the words continued. 

“Thorin has a mountain to care for. He’s a good king, Erebor can’t lose him,” the irritated tone of Bilbo’s voice continued. “And besides, his two hundred years have already seen enough hell. I can’t ask him to follow somewhere that is literally called Mount Doom, just because his half-wit husband picked up a ring which happens to be the root of all evil-” the words choked off at the end. 

Thorin stood stunned. 

Gandalf’s gentle voice broke the silence. “Fili is more than capable of taking over for Thorin, especially with the wisdom of his mother and the energy of his brother by his side. And… I think your husband would find living without you to be a far greater trial than following you into Mordor.”

Bilbo’s magic ring. The one he mainly used for hiding so he could jump out and scare the flame out of Thorin; he was taking it to Mordor. 

Mordor. 

“Bilbo,” Thorin whispered. 

There was silence from the pantry before Gandalf and Bilbo both slowly came around the corner and into the kitchen. They stared at each other for a moment. 

“You were late for dinner.” It was all Thorin could think to say. 

Bilbo’s lip trembled and he bit it. 

“Dinner should be spent with your husband,” Thorin’s voice wavered. “If you go to Mordor without me, you’ll miss a lot of dinners. It would be quite rude of you, really.”

Bilbo took in a great shaking breath. 

“Well. I can’t be such a poor example for my poor manner-less dwarf, can I?”

There were discussions to have, notes to write, bags to pack, and secret exits to take, but for the next moment, Thorin and Bilbo clung to each other. Whatever came next, at least they would be having dinner together. 

[somanyofthekids]

Bagginshield with 11 or 12 please!!

I am genuinely in love with you for sending me this. 

     12.things you said when you thought i was asleep

“Are you awake?”

The sound registered, but in his sleepy state it took Bilbo a long time to realize they were words. It took even longer to realize Thorin had been the one to whisper them. By the time he got that far, Thorin already seemed to accept that Bilbo was asleep, and continued talking into the darkness. 

“I just had a dream. It started out like a normal dream; well normal for me anyway. Dis was there. She was telling me that she was going to get Kili a pet dragon for his birthday. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t listen. Kept saying that having to brush it’s teeth everyday would teach him some responsibility. Then suddenly she disappeared and you were there.”

“You had that look on your face. The one you get when you think I’ve done something stupid but adorable. You wear that look far too often, you know. I’m very smart and ruggedly handsome. You reached out to me, and I noticed you had a ring on your finger. It was my grandfather’s ring. For some reason I assumed you had stolen it and I was so hurt- and confused.”

“I asked why you would take it. It doesn’t have any real value of significance beyond sentiment. You looked just as confused as I felt. ‘You gave it to me,’ you said.”

“’When did I do that?’ I asked.”

“’When we got married, of course,’ you answered.”

“Oh, of course,” I said. Because it made perfect sense. Of course I asked you to marry me. Of course you said yes.” Thorin’s voice got quieter and quieter. 

“Of course.”

Bilbo finally rolled over and onto Thorin’s chest. 

“What a ridiculous dream,” he murmured. “There’s no way I could wear your grandfather’s ring.” Bilbo yawned.

“His hands were at least twice as big as mine. We’ll have to get it re-sized first.”

There was a silence, and then arms came up to wrap around Bilbo and a kiss was dropped into his hair. They both fell back asleep, and in the morning they looked up jewelers while the coffee dripped. 

send me a ship and one of these and i’ll write a mini fic.