#bad news i already have side couple syndrome for this show

[diaospuppy]

Mark Sorntast and Gems Jassada behind the scenes for Battle of the Writers

[maxwellatoms]

In one of your last answers, you said “series reboots are usually pretty gross and sad”, and I was wondering if you could expand on that? Assuming “reboot” covers any kind of continuation of a currently cancelled or finished show (and maybe that’s the wrong assumption!), from the outside looking in it feels like a pretty mixed bag. On one hand, if I love XYZ Show, it’s cool that I get more stories with these characters and another chance to support XYZ Show and its creators. On the other, it definitely feels like a lot of ideas can only get funding if they’re tied to something already, meaning creatives are having to now tie whatever cool idea they have to some reboot/relaunch/retread, which can feel pretty disheartening if you don’t want to do a reboot/relaunch/retread. Is that a similar feeling from your side of the industry?

Thank you so much for all your answers and insight!

Usually reboots and spin-offs are just cash grabs. It happens a lot in animation. In fact, I would argue that the entire industry is just one big cash grab now. In the 80s, everyone complained that cartoons were just half-hour commercials for toys. And they were right. And we're right back there, but now that you can't legally push toys all day, it's just general "IP". Mugs, posters, more spinoffs, whatever.

I was offered three show running gigs over the pandemic. All reboots that I would consider unwise to pursue because they were "of a different time" and didn't (in my opinion) have anything more to say. Two of them were properties created by notorious sex pests, so there's also that. The animation industry loves to prop up its sex pests.

I turned all of them down, partially because I didn't respect the original creators but also because none of them had anything going for them except just being "more of the same".

I don't think any of those projects survived the intervening years, so in retrospect I maybe should've taken the job. I'd probably feel a bit gross, but at least I'd have floors in my house.

The entertainment industry is in a bad spot. The whole thing. I've had I don't know how many pitch meetings in the last few years, and they all start the same way:

"Hey! Before we start, we just want to let you know that we're not actively producing anything right now. We think maybe soon, but we won't be picking anything up today..."

And then later:

"The little we are doing is IP, so if you have a new take on our IP or a new IP you're connected to that you can bring in, that'd be great."

I always wanted to make original stuff. There came a time when I'd had my fill of Billy & Mandy and wanted to do something else new and original. That never manifested, and I was constantly being offered IP to produce. I turned too many of those down, maybe, before deciding that it was probably better that I run the IPs that mean something to me rather than having some hack do it.

But now those jobs have all gone to celebrities and fallen live-action writers, who are also slowly being eaten by the system. WB was hot for Scooby stuff a few years back, so I pitched some ideas. A few of them were turned down for being "off-brand" in a variety of ways. WB has now made (I think) all of those off-brand shows (or something close) with celebrity show runners.

I was going through a whole Midlife Impostor Syndrome thing recently where I was wondering if maybe I don't just suck. Like, it's weird that for a couple of decades I'd have people calling me trying to get me to run shows, and now nobody will call me back about the possibility of a design job.

Talking to some friends and realizing that they were in a similar situation helped me feel like I wasn't alone. That was nice. Talking to some of the most talented colleagues in my industry made me made me realize that those people weren't getting jobs either. That was unnerving. Talking to complete strangers in other parts of the entertainment industry now has me thinking that the whole house of cards is coming down. That's real concerning, yo.

It's hard not to think it's purposeful, when deranged billionaires own the entirety of our media and want to shape a society where they can't be criticized. We're letting wealthy tech bros firebomb the very heart of our culture, and it's weird that no one is talking about it. Because (for now) we still have that capability.

[claitea]

some thoughts about pokemon violet. spoilers ahead!

there are. quite a few graphical glitches and messes whbejrvhr. sometimes trainers and pokemons eyes get stuck closed for a while, camera clips into the floor during battle, a sunflora i was in battle with and therefore Very Close To moved at a lower frame rate like other faraway entities. hough the homeroom scene..... almost everyone in that room looked so janky.

but tbh? i've been having too much fun to care too much about that specifically. the rest of the game is pretty :)

wish i could stop the minimap from spinning. i can lock the map app to north but not the minimap????

THE FOOD ILLUSTRATIONS ARE SO GOOD I WANT TO EAT THE ICECREAM SO BAD

rip pixel pokemon and item icons though </3 i find them more charming. also the icon for persim berries is too red and its bothering me, persim berries are PINK this is BRIGHT SCARLET

idk how pokemon icons on the minimap work either i'll be running all over the place it indicates and not find the pokemon its showing. i want a charcadet :(

i chose sprigatito but was THIS close to choosing fuecoco because of the first cutscenes. quaxly having to tell fuecoco not to eat the burnt orange whjegjevdj

miraidon my beloved asshole lizard who eats all my sandwiches. i gotta rewatch any and all miraidon scenes with koraidon when i'm done with the game, the first cutscene with the houndoom was SO COOL

PEOPLE WERE RIGHT ARVEN IS THE PROFESSOR'S KID

there were a couple nods to older games! a book in the library talks about someone seeing the stow-on-side mural get broken by a copperajah, another book talks about pewter crunchies, and the meditative seat art installation in artazon are items you could buy in oras as decoration for your secret base. i know every game has callbacks to previous ones but the stow-on-side one caught me offguard because thats a spoiler isnt it?? the other one surprised me too but more becaue Why do i remember this one specific base item. i havent touched oras in years

a library book also said Hydreigon and Volcarona got alt forms like donphan did and i need to see them IMMEDIATELY

as far as i've seen in the library, the pokemon that get those forms are donphan, tyranitar, volcarona, hydreigon. and Delibird. which i find hilarious bc its all these threatening scary pokemon and then. DELIBIRD.

WHY DID MY BELOVED LECHONK EVOLVE INTO AN EMO BOY

so far out of the new pokemon. the only design i dont like is spidops. spiops. i forgot how to spell it. where did my cute little yarn ball go :( maybe its just New Pokemon Doesnt Look Like A Pokemon Yet Syndrome but there is just SOMETHING about spiops's design that doesnt sit right with me

miraidon jumping is a little janky sometimes idk??? also i got stuck in a pond once and it could NOT climb out no matter where i tried. i had to fly out

i already like tera raids a lot more :') i HATED how max pokemon could shield and move multiple times and all that. i dont have online so max raids are damn near IMPOSSIBLE for me to do because the ai sucks That bad. i feel like with the time limit thing and infinite revives i could stand a chance doing it solo. this is just me talking about the early 1-2 star raids though idk how it'll go later on

i did get one odd glitch where my first attack didnt appear to deplete the hp bar, but then a few attacks later it looked like it had hp left but it fainted? my damage just. Didnt Show for some reason while still registering as damage

i think they fixed the overlevelling problem bc i was even getting my ass kicked by wild pokemon sometimes HKWBDJBF. i was cruising through fast like i'd gotten used to in xy to swsh, so i was actually underlevelled a lot. mela almost curbstomped me

THE CAR IS A POKEMON THEY WERE RIGHT ITS AN ACTUAL POKEMON

mela walks like manga emmet lmao

clodsire. thats it thats the bullet point <3

in conclusion i am having a BLAST. i absolutely adore this game so far!! i'm honestly able to overlook anything that bothers me just because i enjoy it a Lot. like of Course i still wish the subpar graphics werent subpar but Who Care look at my clodsire his name is Mousse and i love him

[owtenen]

In there group I don’t think there’s a leader I like to think of them as a friend/brother group in a high school au they try to be edgy but don’t smoke or skip class they just wear the most over the top badboy fashion along with telling everyone they are bad boys and pulling pranks and doing petty stuff and daring each other to shop lift or light something on fire it seems more in line with the cannon from limited life because you can get away with a lot in Minecraft so the closest irl equivalent are goths/punk’s/scene kids That are all bark and no bite

Grians remark about the name being what a couple of kids about to play pretend wanting to have an evil sounding name hits the nail on the head

jimmy is the annoying younger brother type he wants friends and to have fun and to be included and he wants to express himself he knows that they are being mean but he underestimates the damage and The consequences when ever someone says that they don’t like him anymore it’s always a shock he tries to sneak in bright colors while being enough of a bad boy to stay in the group he’s the butt of the joke but he’s ok with it and is The most open to showing strong emotions that aren’t anger and glee he secretly loves football like irl Jimmy he was also a gym teacher so this kids athletic his parents are extremely lenient with him when he told them he wanted to try a new style they bought him all the clothing and accessories right away which is why he has the most expensive and new clothes he isn’t spoiled but is kinda out of touch and the most trusting often being scammed or tricked he is forgiving but he isn’t flexible when he thinks something is true with all his heart he has a hard time coming to terms with it being challenged he has a strong sense of right and wrong even if it’s skewed moral values he thinks in black and white but not in a good and bad way in a what’s ok with him and what isn’t but often what’s ok for him doesn’t apply to others and doesn’t make sense to him

Joel is the most chaotic and reckless he’s got middle child syndrome he simultaneously has a ginormous ego and fragile self esteem he can be very patient when he’s invested but emotions drive him while there in the middle of a prank if something happens that he has a strong reaction to he will drop everything blowing there cover he wears leather jackets and shades because he thinks it looks cool he is secretly an artist like empires season 1 Joel he is very proud of his skill but he wants to try new things his parents lawyers that want him to be like them they don’t take him seriously because they think that because he’s a teenager he will switch his hobbies on a whim he hates that and while they are not strict they want him to be normal They are ok with his style and wanting to be an artist because they think it’s a just a phase that will pass and it’s not getting in the way of his schooling so they let him get it out of his system they don’t go out of their way to support him though so use’s the clothes he already has maybe using some artistic skills to modify them

But the closest to leader is grian but that is only because he is the most aware of the consequences of their decisions he just chooses to ignore them he is The only one that stays on task when they have a plan and the other two get side tracked he says fine then I’ll do it myself but don’t misunderstand he is just as much of a trouble maker he is a very bad influence being the one to initiate most of the insane ideas the others do insane things in that moment but grian plays the long game meaning his end results are farther reaching he was raised by religious his parents who are extremely strict he is genuinely spiteful at his lot in life and wants to keep his family in the dark because they will punish him he is a baker and cross dresser in his free time but those just more things to hide from his traditional family he buys his own clothes because his family would see him ruining his clothes and wasting money and punish him he keeps his clothes and equipment needed for other hobbies out side his house away from the prying eyes of his intrusive family he is The best at keeping secrets

grian plans the pranks jimmy carries everything and joel is the distraction/attack dog

wow this got kinda long I’m sorry but I got to into it and spent an hour on this without realizing it’s late my brain is tired and my work won’t be for nothing so sorry not sorry I hope you where able to understand my word vomit

real and true ! i love these ideas :D

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - Lots of comfort hugs & car kisses

June 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Triage (AISplay Mon) Ep 5-6 - This is not just a time loop show anymore. The way they’re unfolding this narrative is more like a mystery. And so far that aspect is working better for me than the actual mystery did in sister-show Manner of the Death. This drama keeps improving every new ep, which I didn’t expect from a groundhog day premise, they usually get more dull not more exciting, it’s smart, I like that. Also Fiat blond is v cute. 

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Soul (iQIYI Weds) Ep 11 - Metha is finally on their side to uncover the sins of the past and expose the bad guy who defamed daddy. Redemption arc! Meanwhile, side dishes got an “around the back of head not at all a kiss” kiss. I haven’t seen that from Thailand since Make it Right! Retro “we not gay” camera action used because the actors aren’t comfortable with each other. Tut tut. 

Sky in Your Heart (Fri YouTube) Ep 1 - Is it derivative? Yes. Do I care? No. There’s so much Thai stuff these days, that I think we’re going to get more & more works that derive more & more plots from previous successful shows. So, yeah, this is basically Tale of Thousand Stars only shorter run and faster paced. And I’m not mad about it. So far I like this 2nd installment in the series a lot better than Star. I think this story is cleaner, the characters better portrayed, the conflict more understandable, and in general it feels more mature. Also I guess this should be added to my short list of BL‘s that are told from the seme’s perspective? Linguistically: these two are formal with each other using pom/khun. 

KinnPorsche (iQIYI Sat) Ep 9 - Big is my favorite best boy, but he's getting so much screen time for so little plot-use payout there’s a good chance he’s the mole. Meanwhile, Pete is sent into the viper’s den. I liked that this episode was mostly manipulations and plot. I think Tawan is a good character, well cast. So for me this was one of the better episodes we’ve had. On Wik & Chay as a couple, I’m going to be controversial with this statement: It was a mistake to switch out Gameplay. He and Jeff just have MUCH better chemistry together. I suspect they did it because they wanted a younger, more innocent looking actor for Chay, but these two just aren’t working for me as a couple. I get nothing from them and they don’t seem much connected to the rest of the show, either. I never thought I’d say this about a Jeff plot line, but, its boring me. 

Close Friend 2 (Viki Thur) Ep 5 - Pierce finally comes out, and it goes as smoothly as expected. Workplace homophobia and further conflict still abound though. It’s fine, well acted and directed, just not really my kinda plot. 

My Secret Love (YouTube Sat) Ep 2 - Being forced by a university to be a BL couple is ABSURD, but it is giving them permission to lampoon tropes which I kinda enjoy. Otherwise it’s VERY awkward with poor chemistry across the board. I do not like the lead couple, tom/jerry is one of my least favorite dynamics (it always seems mean spirited). I already have 2nd lead syndrome and he hasn’t even really been introduced. So far the leads remind me of My Boy (which I DNFd) X BonDuen from My Engineer (who I dislike). I prefer the sides. Specifically the closeted LTR couple (Longa & ?) they use rao/ter together, which I find VERY cute. (Look, the names are hard since what I am seeing in captions isn’t in the MDL listing.) I’ve watched worse BLs for better side couples before (cough cough Brothers), so we shall see how this goes... 

Thai BL - Finished this week! 

La Cuisine (GaGa Sat) Ep 13fin - Honestly, I enjoyed it but it is awful slow. Thank goodness GaGa has 1.5x speed option. It also takes the faen fatale archetype to the next level of extreme evil. Everyone got a cute couple ending, even characters I didn’t really recognize, couldn’t remember, or showed no chemistry. But hey, shrug. Also, Sky & Phai = unexpectedly great kiss. Why did we not get their thread (and Kitty’s for that matter) throughout the show? It would’ve helped with the pacing a lot. (Honestly, these two actors probably should’ve played the leads, IMHO). In the end, la cuisine is sweet and kind of pure and like Thai desserts perhaps a little too time-consuming for the Layperson. Because of the pacing and the focus on the bad girl character, I did dock it a point. But if you like stuff in the Oxygen vein, then this show is for you, and far better than most Thai BL pulps. However, I suspect that I enjoyed it more than many would. Full review here. 7/10 RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS 

That’s My Candy (Viki Tues) Ep 6 - Amnesia trope. Sigh. And then I guess a reboot for the romance and because they are older they can make it work this time? What did I just watch? This was terrible. Full review here. 3/10 NOT RECOMMENDED 

Meow Ears Up (GaGa Tue) Ep 8fin - I liked this BL and found it sweet, I’m not opposed to the catboy (pet) trope, but I guess it was trying to be too Japanese about it while the set up was all sweetness and Thai style, because they fudged the ending. For me, that’s a fatal flaw, 4/10 NOT RECOMMENDED (full review here)

Cupid's Last Wish (YouTube Sun) Ep 10fin - This is one show where I didn’t mind the one year time jump at the end it contributed to a very very strong final episode. In fact probably the best ep of the series. It wasn’t enough to save it for me. But it certainly did excel. EarthMix gave a really good final kiss too. Still I never liked this show nor really enjoyed myself mostly because of Win’s character, no full review, 6/10. WORTH WATCHING FOR SOME, BUT FLAWED

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Fukou-kun wa Kiss Suru Shikanai! AKA Mr Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss! (Japan GaGa *rec*  & Viki Fri) Ep 7 - Is this turning into a tradition, where we get the opposite POV in the penultimate episode of a Japanese BL? Regardless, it was really nice to get Naoya’s perspective. I’m still really liking the show, I’m not sure if it has a story arc at all, but that’s Japanese romcoms for you, quite frankly. 

Plus & Minus (Taiwan Viki *rec* & GaGa Fri) Ep 9 - This one is waffling a bit, I think I’ve decided to think of it as more of a soap opera - Taiwanese style, then an actual show with a proper story or anything. It seems very episodic. I actually like the main couple a lot more than the side couple, which is not normal for me.

Love in Spring (Korea grey) Ep1-4 - It’s very Korean historical comedy, much more so than the historical KBLs we’ve had so far (Tinted with You, Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding). It is, unfortunately, also a bit over acted (especially the whipping boy trope driven “bad guy.”). To be fair, there is a lot of scenery chewing going on. The cross dressing is definitely played for laughs, and there is a Cindefella element as well. Bad wig warning. There’s a lot of voice over thoughts, people explaining what is going on to the viewer (we KNOW), and also talking to themselves as exposition. None of this is good. But it’s a big cast and high production values for such a crappy script. I will stick with it if I can and definitely watch if it gets picked up for distribution. 

Getaway (Singapore Mon YouTube) Ep 2 - didn’t drop? Or I didn’t catch it, but then again I don’t know what their schedule is. Weekly? Every other week? Monthly? 

Gossip

Korean production studio Silkwood (Peach of Time) announced 3 new BLs: 

PT is Love: friends of 10 years who’ve been hiding feelings for each other enter the same university. Plus MURDER.

Love is like a Cat: A new star, called the Cat Prince for his cold arrogance, goes up against a charismatic puppyish director. 

Space Bakery: A spaceship crash-lands into and destroys a small bakery shop. Of course this means the alien and the baker end up living together. At the same time, other aliens-in-hiding all around the city start hunting for them. 

That last one tho. Woah. 

Casting finally announced for Japan’s long awaited (by me, anyway, it’s AGE GAP!) Wash My Heart AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (manga by Yuzu Tsubaki). It’ll star Kusakawa Takuya (Rokkaku of Cherry Magic) and Nishikagi Sho (bit part in My Love Mix Up! also in Muchuu-sa, Kimi ni). Premieres on July 6 on TV Tokyo, no word on international but irozuku is going to sub it!!!! 

Plot: Middle-aged former corporate drone, Akira, now peacefully runs his grandfather’s beloved coin laundromat. One day, high-school student, Shintaro, stumbles in and despite the age difference they became friends. Then Shintaro finds out that Akira is gay...  

New Taiwanese Bl announced My Tooth Your Love (from Result Entertainment - We Best Love series) with script by Lin Pei who loves VERY traditional yaoi tropes, she’s the writer of HIStory1: Obsessed, HIStory2: Right or Wrong, HIStory2: Crossing the Line, HIStory3: Trapped, WBL, & See You After Quarantine?!! Stars Andy Wu (Amensalism), Yu Jin, Michael Chang, and Alex Chou (composer/musician and the other bartender in WBL). 

In Case You Missed It

Japan’s movie adaptation of Miso's Koi Kogare Utae AKA Sing In Love released in theaters, no word on international distribution. About a teacher who encounters a mysterious man from his past, who is strangely obsessed with him. 

Love Mechanics is coming to WeTV end of this month (?) but they are pretty bad about English subs and international distribution, so we are hoping GaGa saves the day (like they did with My Ride). But it’s Viki who has the original En of Love Series. Who knows where it’s going. Fingers crossed. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

All three midweek shows end their run next week. Much anticipated Thai BL Check Out is about to start. Rumor is it will release to their YT channel but the eng sub version will be behind a paywall. I’m willing to bite, but it better be REALLY good and I intend to watch without subs first. We already KNOW the chemistry is on point with these two, though. 

This week’s best moments?

I love how practical and bureaucratic the reaper business is in Thailand. I bet they have spreadsheets. I feel very seen. (Dear Doctor) 

When a show reviews itself (Mr Unlucky). 

Plus and Minus the head cradle hug, a favorite of mine. 

Truth bomb on Close Friends 2. 

Look I just find sweaty gym bunnies coming out relatable, okay? (Close Friends 2) 

Well, La Cuisine, that couple and kiss CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. But hey, we’ll take it, while simultaneously feeling like WE WERE ROBBED. 

(last week)

[unfoundhoney]

toe the line ; part three ↠

↠ slimecicle x fem!reader ; angst , the fluff will get here eventually i promise

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ; part four

↠ @ochabby @kiritokunuwu @pyrotechnics84 @nottheotheruser @d0vesatdawn @ashturnedtomist @bloopi @enderhoe @plaguenecromancer @prickypearpropaganda @phantom-aurora @starswspacey

It’s funny how true the saying “you never miss something until it’s gone” is. If Charlie had to describe how the last two weeks have been, it’d be like that. He didn’t think it was humanly possible to miss someone so much, to actually have every second of every day be taken up by the thought of you. He’d been trying to work but with a blatant lack of you, he hadn’t been able to focus and decided to take a walk to clear his head.

It wasn’t helping.

A man walks past with a big, floofy, white dog on a leash. You would stop to ask to pet it. You always loved dogs and Charlie has no doubt in his mind that if your apartment building allowed pets, there’d be at least one living with you and him.

There’s a bookstore on the corner of a street. You would poke your head in, look around for a while and buy some novel by an author you’d never heard of. It’d probably lay unopened for a couple months until you suddenly remembered it one day and binged it in under three days.

A street musician plays across the street in a park, improving on his saxophone over a jazzy backing track. You would insist on staying to listen, waiting until he finished this song, applauding, and giving him ten dollars or so. Charlie stuffs his hands a little deeper in his pockets and keeps walking.

What was supposed to be a head-clearing (and distracting) walk has turned into the exact opposite. Charlie knows he won’t be getting any more work done today.

It starts to rain as he walks but he doesn’t head back, instead walking farther and into a different park. As it rains harder, he finds a bench to sit on. The cold and wet he finds himself submerged in distracts him better than anything else has been able to.

Water drips inside his collar and soon he finds himself soaked through. Still, he just sits there, staring straight ahead of him and focusing on the uncomfortable feeling of being fully clothed and completely wet.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there. Minutes. An hour. Two hours. But suddenly the rain stops. He’s no longer being showered with water droplets, even as the rain continues pouring all around him.

“Charlie? You okay, man?”

Charlie looks up and funnily enough, there’s Ted. He’s holding an umbrella over Charlie, looking down at him in concern. He realizes how bad this must look, sat in the rain looking dead inside.

“What’re you doing?” Ted asks slowly.

“Just... chilling.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You good?”

“I’m doing great.” He gestures generally, tries to crack a joke. “Can’t you tell?”

Ted doesn’t smile. “Dude, seriously. Are you okay?”

Charlie swallows, smile fading. He wants so badly to say “yeah, I am” and be able to mean it. He’s the one who messed everything up; he doesn’t have a right to be feeling this bad with you gone when he was the one who chased you away. And yet here he is, sitting in the rain.

“No.”

“...let’s go back to your place.”

Ted walks Charlie back home, sharing his umbrella despite the fact that Charlie is already totally soaked. Ted doesn’t seem to mind too much when Charlie drips on him; he’s likely more worried about Charlie than his left side getting a little wet.

They get back to Charlie’s apartment and Charlie changes quickly into dry clothes before joining Ted in the living room. It’s painstakingly obvious when Ted unknowingly sits in your spot.

After several minutes of awkward silence and even more awkward attempts at small talk, Ted finally asks the question he’s been meaning to for two weeks.

“How’s um... How’s Y/N?” Ted tries tentatively.

“She’s okay. Sort of. I think.”

“You think?”

“She’s kind of been avoiding me. She’s been staying at Schlatt’s for the past eleven days.”

“She has?”

“I think she needed some space, but it’s been over a week now and I’m kind of deteriorating away in the silence of our apartment alone.”

“Have you tried talking to her about... it?”

“You mean her feelings for me that she’s had for years and I’ve never noticed and then accidentally outed in front of all our friends and neither of us are sure our relationship will recover because we don’t know how to act now that we’re both aware one of us wants more than platonic friendship?”

“...yes.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“It sounds really bad when you phrase it like you just did but there’s no way around this,” Ted says. “I know how much you two care about each other. You two would be miserable without each other.”

“We- We’d be... fine.”

“That was the most unconvincing thing I have ever heard in my entire life.”

“I-“

“Not to mention the fact that you are literally living proof that you are not fine without Y/N.”

“Doctor Ted PhD is making a reappearance,” Charlie weakly tries to joke.

“Charlie.”

Ted did just find Charlie having a rather severe episode of “main character syndrome,” so there’s really no arguing with him. He is not doing fine without you. It’s only going to get worse the longer he goes without trying to reassemble the shattered pieces of your friendship.

Charlie’s will finally gives way. “I don’t know what to do, man. I fucked up so bad and now I’m terrified I’m never going to be able to get back to where we were. Everywhere I go all I can think about is her and she just- I have never been happier than I am when I’m with her and I just-... I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her.”

Charlie buries his head in his hands, heels of his palms digging into his eyes. He’s finally letting himself be distressed over the very real possibility of losing his best friend instead of ignoring the situation entirely.

Meanwhile, Ted is connecting some very obvious dots.

“She’s all you can think about?”

“Yeah, like, I’ll just be going to the store or something and it’s like ‘oh, she’d smell those flowers,’ ‘she’d drag me to try that restaurant,’ ‘she’d go to see that movie with me.’”

“And you’re happiest with her.”

“Yeah, man. I’ve had other friends, other best friends even, but no one compares to her and how she just gets me. You’ve seen it; we have this synergy that I have never gotten with anyone else.”

“And you are very worried about the possibility of losing her.”

“...yes. Are you just repeating what I’ve said?”

“Just waiting for you to figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

Ted doesn’t respond, holding the silence patiently. Charlie continues to look at him, confused. The apartment is quiet, not quite in the unbearable way it is when he’s alone but it still doesn’t feel right without you here.

For eleven days, you haven’t sung in the shower. You haven’t made breakfast just how he likes it. You haven’t distracted him from work to show him a TikTok, not that he ever minded. You haven’t fallen asleep on movie night and he’d willingly carry you to bed if you asked him sleepily, kind of wishing you’d ask him to stay with you one night.

You would grab his hand and ask him to stay. He’d do so without hesitation. Curled together under the covers, you would be close and warm and intimate in a new but welcome way. He’d hold you tight, your breath soft against his neck.

Wait.

Charlie looks up in horror. “No.”

Ted narrowly stops the shit-eating grin from spreading across his face. “Yes.”

“No. No no no, shit.”

“I am so happy I get to be here for this.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ted,” Charlie cuts him off.

He’s angry. Not at Ted but at himself. He rushes over to the door, shoving his feet back into his still-wet shoes.

“I’ve fucked up so bad. Oh my god, this is all my fault.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“God, shut up, you are not helping.”

“Sorry, just telling it like it is.”

Charlie glares at Ted. “Show yourself out.”

Charlie takes off out of the apartment without an umbrella again, completely prepared to get another set of clothes completely soaked. He prays to whatever higher power may be listening that you have the ungodly amount of forgiveness that will be needed to forgive his stupidity.

[swtki]

HP Boys: Surprise Pregnancy Head Cannons

Summary: The HP boys and their reaction to their s/o (afab) being pregnant when its not planned.

A/N: This takes place post Hogwarts so all characters are 18+, though no real smut happens in this so its not an 18+ fic.

WARNINGS: UNPLANNED PREGNANCY, MENTIONS OF PRO CHOICE OPINIONS, MENTIONS OF SEX IN LITE TERMS, SWEARING, FLUFF, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALSO THIS IS SUPER LONG SORRY LOL

Draco

So everything is going great for the happy couple, you two just moved into a flat together and are working normal jobs, drinking wine like adults.

And sure, Draco knows he wants to marry you, but he knows you’re not ready to settle down like that so he just plans and dreams.

Due to poor choices, when you’re late by two weeks, you know what it probably is.

Draco doesn’t even notice that you ran out to the store and came back and hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes. CEO of minding his own business ig

You just kinda...walk up to him and hand him all 3 tests while your eyes fill with tears because what if he demands you get an abortion?

Or what if he fucks off to god knows where?

But instead he just looks at you with the most un-draco like smile. Like his face was soft and it looked like he could cry any moment.

“Oh my god,” He says, putting his hand on your belly, “I can be ready for this, but if you aren’t then we can you know...”

“No, I want it” then both of you rejoice bc yay baby!

Cut to 6 months later when your feet hurt so bad you have to lay down and watch while Draco fails to put a crib together.

He eventually gets it done tho.

And when the time comes, he’s built and arranged everything for your bundle of joy.

Harry

So you guys are probably already married, but with everything at the ministry going on, it makes Harry less than a family man.

You both agree that it’s probably better to wait so you can be home and yk...raise it.

Well smart man Harry forgets that to not have a kid you need to use protection.

So of course when your period is late you don’t think about it, until its four weeks late.

That night, you and Harry are laying in bed, and thats when you tell him.

“Harry..I’m late.”

“Late for what?” headass.

You: 😳😐

Him: 👁👁😲😲

He’s hesitant to say anything, because he knows its ultimitley up to you what happens with it until its out.

“I think I want to keep it...you know it wont remember much for the first year and a half so if things are stressful it will be okay and-“

“Love...Its going to be perfect”

Mf built the crib in like 45 minutes I swear.

And of course he forced you to keep up with your vitamins, pre natal care, and appointments.

Swear tho you’re about to kill him because cofFeE

But the way he holds your baby 🥺 its his most valued thing ever now.

Ron

Ron is iffy on the kid thing sometimes.

He does want them, but only later when you guys have lived and travled.

So no, you two haven’t planned nor is it even in the picture when your wedding roles around.

It’s in the early days of the marriage when you see his family at the burrow on the way back from the honeymoon.

And of course Molly knows

Because Weasleys are hyperfertile I swear.

She takes you into the kitchen and puts her hands on your arms, shes got that big Mrs.Weasley smile on too.

“I knew it!” She says and pulls you in for a hug, “How far dear??”

You’re just standing there like🧍🏻

“I can see it by the way you glow! Oh my you and my Ron must be so happy!” This woman doesn’t notice that you’re confused.

“Wait what? Mrs. Weasley what are you-?” Then you count the days, “Oh. Well I guess I just found out for myself”

Her face falls slightly, but then she tells you can make you a potion that will tell you if you are or not, stan.

The stupid potion turns green when you spit into it, so everything is confirmed.

That night, you and Ron are getting ready for bed in the guest room and you decide to tell him.

“Ron, sweetie. We need to talk.” He looks like he’s gonna start crying but sits next to you on the bed.

“Y/N...I know its scary but please, we just got married I don’t want to divorce quite just yet 🥺🥺”

“Ron I-“ you start smiling, “I’m pregnant you dufus.”

He just freezes, for a while. Not saying anything, he just looks at the wall with his mouth ajar.

So you get up and go to Ginny.

“Gin, I broke him.”

“Ew, I don’t want to know about how you and him”

“No, I told him that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, yeah that would do it. Just I don’t know... Give him a minute?”

You give him several, getting a glass of water then heading back up to the room.

Ginny was right, he needed a minute.

“I don’t...I wasn’t...you were.?”

“You don’t have to stay, but I think we can do it. Plus, you would disapoint your mom if you left so...”

“Okay...we’ll do it. I’ll be the best damn Father you have ever seen.” He says, talking to your womb.

Well...he’s a father I’ll give him that.

Pro of having a Weasley baby: free crib thats already put together.

Even if it looks like a death trap.

“We’ll put some blankets over it don’t worry”

You know how some Dads hold their parters hand during the delivery? Yeah he got sick and was moral support from the outside.

To be fair, you weren’t screaming in pleasure by any means.

Scary. But beautiful.

He shows the kid to everyone, he might be more in love with the baby than he is with you.

Ron see’s the appeal of having kids now.

Neville

Moving in with your boyfriend is always fun, right up until you guys go at it so much you forget protection more than once.

You think about it, then move on with your day.

Until the doctor calls, then “oh fuck”

Romance Neville bf

“Why aren’t you having any wine? I thought it was your favorite?”

“I don’t think fetal alcohol syndrome is my favorite.” BRO HE SPAT

But he looks up with tears in his eyes, and runs over to you to grasp you in a hug.

“Oh my god! You’re pregnant! Oh my - We’re gonna be parents!! Oh my god we’re gonna be parents oh-“ Que you petting his hair till he’s calm again.

Lets be honest, this man probably swapped the herbology books for the parenting guides.

“Well I mean I’m just wondering if we should go with this color or this one”

“Nev, it doesn’t matter. Our baby will not care.”

“I read in my book that Infants actually can recognize mood in-“

He won’t let you do anything during your pregnancy.

Gotta love a man who cries because he loves you so much and you’re having his kid.

“I never had a father, what if I do it wrong? What if the baby hates me and runs away at seven?”

“We’ve got quite a lot of time before then.”

He was there during delivery, letting you crush his hand like a champ.

You can’t help but cry when you see him sleeping on the floor next to the crib, its so sweet.

Fred

You two most likely already had two kids, so you decided to wait a bit so your hands weren’t quite full.

Well...your body decided not to wait.

A test provides the two lines, another wild child.

The two toddlers already run around like thing one and thing two, only with red hair.

I think Fred would gladly make the family dinner, and wear an apron. He’d own it, as he should.

But mf gotta not drop the salad bowl when you tell him of the fetus inside you.

“Fred we are going to have a bee-ay-bee-why.”

Your five year old has just begun to spell 😐

He’s happy tho.

Like over the fuckin moon.

He buys the two kids big brother/sister shirts too 🥺🥺

He knows the drill pretty well, so he isn’t too worried about the future.

But its funny that he still freaks out about the crib and feeding chair since he gave it away, you know because you guys werent having another kid.

He packed a hospital bag and kept it in the trunk, counting down the days.

Hours of delivery (He just sat back and held your hand) only to end up with a room full of 7 Weasley family members.

Fred always said that 3 was his lucky number :)

George

You guys were taking it slow, no marriage until you both felt it was time. And certainly no children before that.

Well you know...things changed when the test was positive.

You slid it over on the table, tears pooling in your eyes. He was stunned and quiet, which made you burst out sobbing because you knew that neither of you planned on having a baby.

But to your surprise he starts to smile.

“I want whatever you want, I’m staying by your side no matter what.”

“I mean...would it really be so bad? A house, a kid, a dog?” He holds your hand as you think aloud.

You both give it a week to think it over and the virdict is to keep it.

Thats when he decides he has to marry you, asap because he loves you and will never let you go especially now.

He loves to gush about the carrier of his child, to him you are a godess.

He’s the Dad with a predestination complex.

“Y/N, I just see him being a star quiditch player”

“George, we don’t know if it’s a him.”

He rolls his eyes “Okay then I can see her being a star-“

He made Hermione take you out for a movie date so he could rearrange your bedroom, since you only had a single bedroom flat.

You come back to a new set up including a cot.

Damn pregnancy hormones make brain go 🥺😭😭

He freaks when your water breaks lol

ceo of driving like a maniac to the hospital.

He can’t hold your hand, he’s pacing back and forth, sweating and maybe crying though he’ll never admit to it.

You get the joy of watching him cuddle the baby while refusing to give your child to you.

“George I’d like to hold-“

“No, you need your sleep honey, don’t worry”

Hogging the child.

Cedric

Its no secret that Cedric wants a baby someday.

And he makes it clear your wedding will be spectacular too.

However, finding out you’re pregnant the week of your dream wedding was a shock.

A shock that made you bang your head into the wall because how could you be so stupid?? We had a plan??

So you decide to wait until after the wedding, that way it wont add onto the stress (happy stress) of the wedding.

Cedric keeps trying to fill your glass at the reception, to which you kindly refuse saying you want to remember the night entirely.

Yeah he’s like 🤨 mhm okay.

You can only pick at the dinner because ew salmon doesn’t sound like an option if you want to keep the contents of your stomach.

As everyone waves goodbye to the car, and you both set off into married life, he leans over.

“I may be out of my mind, but are you...?”

“Pregnant.” His face lights up, pulling you into a hug.

Finally, your car pulls up to a small cottage with lush garden scapes all around, putting a hand out, he walks you both from the car to the door.

“Ced, where are we?”

“Home.”

Somehow it was perfect with Cedric, even when it was rushed.

He loved talking to your womb, even if it was weird that he was talking about the babies future brothers and sisters.

“Cedric, slow down. We haven’t even had this one yet”

Basically he is father of the year before he’s a full father.

He’s there while you deliver, holding your hand and telling you how great you’re doing.

He doesn’t even complain when you insult him <3.

He updates you on everything.

If his eyes aren’t on that child, he’s either asleep or dead.

I think Cedric was meant to be a family man, because he loves everything about being one.

Taglist: @truly-insatiable @amourtentiaa @imdoingathingmom @annasdani @anchoeritic @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @faeinorbit

[yanderecandystore]

Hello, this is the first time I’ve come here and I’d like, if possible, you could place my order, I don’t remember if I already placed that ask or something, so if yes, sorry to bother you...

I can order something with Yandere! Vampire with a Vampire Slayer! Reader, please...

Welcome in!

Well yes boo, you did make a very similar request, and I'm sorry if it took me like a long time to answer you (at least to me it feels like a whole month has passed, time has been so slow and so fast somehow-) it's just that I'm dealing with a lot of stuff outside of Tumblr and although I try to not think about it, it does affect my performance in writing. Also you're not bothering me at all boo!

Also I just realized something, normally when I write I put really mean remarks about the reader but it's not supposed to be taken seriously by you guys, as it's mostly either an look into the perspective of the ocs (normally the bullies who are very mean and cruel-) or even an exaggeration on the reader's current mind state (if the reader feels dumb about a certain action they have chosen, I try to make them sound very exaggerated since I don't want any of you to take it personally, y'all are beautiful okay? Don't worry about the snarky comments and rude remarks that I may write).

I'll try to make it more obvious that it's mostly a character's exaggerated perspective next time, or maybe put trigger warnings about degrading language/mean comments.

TW/Tags: mentions of addiction (to blood) // male x male // male reader // vampy vamp // monster(vampire) x (human)reader // mentions of death // unofficial OC/just a random character I decided to create for this specific piece // captivity/kidnaping // mentions of torture/infliction of pain // mind control/gaslighting/manipulation and stockholm syndrome // being drugged/poisoned // kinda sadistic but not so much so cause I like giving y'all some softness.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

True love is found in small bites [Yandere!M!Vampire x M!Vampire Hunter!Reader - Headcanon]:

Who doesn't like a little one on one with an immortal creature in a fight filled with sexual tension? Who wouldn't want to prove their worth to their dad who is a lonely vampire hunter?

Your dad had hunted vampires all by himself for years now and he won't stop until the day he drops dead, or at least that's what he told you.

He taught you everything that you needed to know, and honestly- You probably know a lot more than some of the guys who are paid to do this every month, Hell, your dad hunts them basically every week! That's kinda the reason why he won't accompany you this time, too busy dealing with vampires in a neighboring village, some rumours of some high profiled vampires coming into your hometown… He was very concerned for your safety before deciding that whenever these rumours were true or not, he needed to check them for himself regardless.

You decided to go on a hunt on your own, hunt one down and prove to your man that you'll do just fine all by yourself.

However, you have the knowledge from the books you read and from what your father taught you, but you don't have personal experiences in fighting vampires. So that's why you're finally going to take down a vampire all by yourself.

It took you some time to find the right target, but after hearing complaints about some odd things happening in the less wealthy part of town, you thought you had a pretty clear picture of what happened. You thought that maybe some vampires have been attacking the poorest people in town to not cause a bigger panic in the population, and sadly enough, you were right.

Apparently the vampirism started to spread uncontrollably as the newly transformed vampires weren't accustomed with the new malevolent power. Some would get addicted to blood and to the power they hold against humans, and start to bite more than what they can chew on.

You found someone who was acting suspiciously, a commoner who was acting more aggressively towards his neighbors and family, he had created a lot of enemies in only a couple of days after being transformed, as he was now acting like "royalty" surrounded by peasants. The poor bastard was out of his mind, and sadly you needed to take care of him before he would hurt more people.

The work of a vampire slayer (or at least, one who works on their own accord) isn't as glamorous or "pleasant" as most may think, it involves you constantly questioning yourself and your morals, the guy you're hunting has a family but from what you heard and from what you have seen as you observed him from afar- He is clearly gone, consumed by the addiction of human blood, he would end up hurting his own family if you didn't intervene.

You had to stalk him for basically the whole day, collecting information and waiting for a good opportunity to strike him- Sadly enough, you didn't know that someone else was also interested in killing him.

It was pretty quick now that you think about it- You were about to tackle him when someone else got to do it before you. You didn't know about vampire society's inner relationships but you are aware that there is some form of hierarchy, and that those who were transformed into vampires were considered to be closer to the bottom than those who were born into it. The bottom of their social structure being those who they could all feed on, so in other words humans.

As you have already prepared yourself to attack the blood addictic, this guy who seemed to have come out of nowhere has already noticed that he wasn't alone, you wouldn't be able to hide yourself at this point and running wouldn't be an option considering how fast he moved.

The only option was left was to fight this vampire who was clearly way too powerful for your newbie ass. It was a pretty tough fight, and even if you have lost- You did manage to prove that you weren't just a random human who found themselves in the wrong place, in the wrong time.

You were very well prepared- Idris was pretty impressed by your resistance, but from his eyes, you were lacking a lot in the intelligence department. You were a good brawler, but not a decent vampire slayer by far- He would question you about your level of skill constantly, even mocking the idea of you being an "newbie" at this job.

Idris had won in the end, making you his prisoner who he would bring back to his clan to be used as an easy food source while also giving them info about other vampire slayers. Of course you wouldn't give them anything, no matter how bad your situation was you would still fight to the very end.

Idris had used one of his abilities to bring you two to his clan's hideout in a blink of an eye, you weren't expecting it to be so quick. You were tied up and inside an "abandoned" mansion filled with vampires, you were sure you wouldn't survive this at all- Yet you had promised yourself to not give them any information about other vampires slayers, especially your father.

You have met them, all of them- All of the Nox clan of pure vampires (or at least the last of them), in one single place. They were all so eager to jump in and start the "fun" with you. To torture you, drink from you, control your mind so you would spill all that you know, they tried to but you wouldn't stop squirming and fighting their touch- However, your attitude has only helped to aggravate them.

Idris was in charge of taking care of you- And by that they meant he was the one who would be screwing with you the most. He would keep you alive with your bare necessities but would also be the one to punish and torture you to speak up.

Interestingly enough, Idris wasn't interested in violently taking the truth out of you- Oh no, boo- He was much more sadistic than that.

He saw you as a plaything, like a cat he would see you as something he should toy with before devouring- He would try to push you to your limits verbally, trying to trigger some sort of wound you may have. You were stronger than he assumed, he should have known you weren't so dumb to give in to his insults and threats.

He would still bite you though, hey, a man needs some blood before continuing his private interrogation, right? It's not his fault you're both his snack and the one being interrogated.

You were strong minded, you weren't feeling too awful about being taken as a prisoner, since you felt as if deep down you could still escape this- So the effects of the poison that he would inject on you weren't showing up at first, but after sometime of being under this terrible living condition with only him to talk with, you started to feel some type of weird way around him.

It could be the poison finally taking over, but you have started to notice some… Particular choices that Idris took when interacting with you. Again- It could be all some magic shit in your mind, but you could swear that the lingering touches from him weren't rough or painful as his threats.

Idris was never physically harmful towards you, even to his peers dismay as they would constantly scold him for being too soft. He was indeed very off putting and sadistic- But could he be hiding something deep inside his literally cold exterior? You started to think so… Well, you started to hope so.

See, although the poison is already making your mind dizzy and making you feel some kind of weird attraction towards Iris- It wasn't completely just your mind playing tricks on you, Idris has been trying a new tactic with you and it was working.

Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but for the last few weeks he has started to flirt with you more, touch you more and whisper less concerning things into your ears, and you were eating it all up due to your isolation and his poisonous bite.

The more he sucked your blood, the more enamoured you were with his softer "side", the poison becoming stronger with each bite. But everyday you two spend time together, Idris can't help but feel just as interested in you as you are to him. He may play it off as a sadistic manipulative (which he kinda is-) vampire who is above you and his own feelings- But whenever it's just you and him, he just feels like there is a bigger connection being formed.

The more you two get to know each other the more he'll start falling for you, to the point he doesn't know if he is faking empathy and care or if he actually likes you in a weird way. He has started to feel very satisfied whenever you start acting clingy, desperate even for his attention (again- He is the only one willing to even talk with you before biting you and sucking your blood), the sensation of power he feels is a little bit overwhelming- But very much appreciated.

You have started to feel some side effects from losing so much blood everyday, which has made Idris concerned and incapable of drinking from you for at least some time while you recover from it. But since you need some time to rest without being injected with more venom from fangs, which will cause you to start waking up from your brainwashed state and remember that A: It has been months since you were gone, your dad is out there looking for you and it's possibly thinking you're dead; B: You're trapped in a mansion filled with the last vampires of a powerful clan which has been massacred by vampire slayers like you; and C: You were starting to catch feelings for the one who brought you here- Regardless of manipulation and freaky vampire shit- You were indeed falling for his charm.

Whenever that happens, it will be obvious that you'll start trying to fight them and escape again, even if you're very, very weak from all these months without proper training and healthy eating habits.

You may try your hardest dear, but you'll need a better plan than just going feral on Idris. He is a lot stronger than you, especially since you can't even stand up on your own, and even hurting him makes you feel oddly awful- You had relied on him for so long, that it feels like you would be betraying him if you actually do hurt him, it seems like some of the effects of so much time under his manipulation are still present.

You can't hurt him, but you can still try to sneak out. You should still try to escape!

You would eventually come up with a plan to run away while it was still morning, even if it was a very flawed plan considering that the only place you knew in this entire mansion was Idris's room and bathroom. For some miracle reason, you would find a way to sneak out, it was pretty hard considering you have no strength in your legs, yet luckily no one seemed to be aware of your sudden movement around the corridors- Apparently the whole clan is composed of heavy sleepers.

Your escape was successful, but you wouldn't be able to reach safety anytime soon in your condition- And you knew that eventually they would wake up again and Idris would find you soon. Yet as you had promised yourself and your father, you weren't going down without a fight.

Idris is responsible for you, so whenever he notices that you were gone- He would first assume one of his kind has took you, but considering how everyone else in the clan considers him to be a nuisance and incompetent, he couldn't possibly ask around where were you. If he did, they would end up yelling at him and take you as their personal blood bag- He couldn't let them know that you have escaped.

He would search for you and be honest to god thankful that you weren't dead yet- He would be pissed but more concerned about your current state, after all you were supposed to be resting from losing so much blood and yet here you are: Trying to survive the wild nature around the mansion in a stupid attempt of escaping the vampires.

Idris would have to bite you more often while also giving some days off so you could rest, but doing in a way that you never lose the effects of the poison- He can't stand to see you fighting him so much.

I mean- He thinks that it's pretty attractive how fiesty you are, but he needs you to stay still in his bedroom and to start giving him those confused yet passionate eyes again- Idris doesn't know whether or not you're in love with him or is just acting in instinct considering your current position, and he soon will find himself begging for you to truly give in to this weird fantasy he has built around you two- But for now, all that he wants is the smallest affection that may come from you, even if it's not as true and morally correct as true love is supposed to be.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[jemmo]

Habe you seen any of P'Aofs other works? I'm still quite new to BL so I wonder if he's just that good or if Ohm and Nanon make most of the greatness of Bad Buddy? I mean obviously they play a big part but with a shitty script even fantastic actors couldn't do much. 😳

hello dear anon!!

and yes, i've seen a lot of p'aofs works. from what i remember, his most notable series have been he's coming to me, dark blue kiss, still 2gether and atots. and they have all been very good in my opinion. i wasn't much of a fan of 2gether, but i dont know what p'aof did when he picked up those follow up eps but to me they were a big improvement, so he must have some kind of magic up his sleeve.

and as for all the others, i couldn't recommend them enough. to me, dark blue kiss is one of the best handlings of an established relationship in a BL ive ever seen. it might be a tad overdramatic and have its own shortcomings, and yes it is centred around jealousy which isnt always my fave, but i do honestly understand where both the characters are coming from. there are reasons for both of their actions and how they behave and i really appreciate that. plus tay and new do have great chemistry and i like their dynamic, but thats just bc i love when they bicker like an old married couple. and lets not forget mork and sun who literally invented side couple syndrome. i think they stole everyone's hearts, their storyline and dynamic was just so good and i so wanted to see more of them.

atots is atots. i feel like its already legendary even tho it only aired last year. such a refreshing storyline and setting. both characters felt so fleshed out and whole as people. and i love that, besides the romance which was amazing, you got to see how both characters went on journeys as individual people. i cry at a lot of things and there's a lot of things to cry at in atots, but what got to me the most was the scene where tian has to leave the village. let me tell you, if you love the found family trope and want to see a young man find true fulfilment and happiness in his life, watch this show.

and last but definitely DEFINATELY not least, he's coming to me. this show THIS SHOW. if the rest of my reply is trying to convey to you that p'aof really is just that good, this is where i say that if you pair p'aof with seasoned, talented actors as we did with bad buddy, you get a masterpiece. bc p'aof, working with singto and ohm in this show must've been a match made in heaven bc this show is amazing. for such an out there and kinda ridiculous concept, it somehow delivers. nothing about it feels like a joke. they took a story about falling in love with a ghost and made me actually care. not once while watching was i thinking in my head 'this is stupid and pointless bc this would never happen' bc i was too invested in the journeys these characters were having, of learning to move on and learning to be and accept yourself. and yes singto was amazing, but for me ohm stole the show. watching this series was what made me watch bad buddy, bc i just needed to see more of ohm acting. his portrayal in the series is legit faultless to me. at such a young age as well he gave me everything. the innocence and pure joy of someone so young and naive to the world, the sheer amount of empathy and care he had for mes, gosh i dont even know what else to say without crying he just carried this show. and i can see why it created such a strong bond between him and p'aof.

but bad buddy really and truly knocked it out of the park. and from what i can see, that is ohm and nanon. bc p'aof has brought magic to everything he's done but this is another level. bc to me, p'aof is great at everything he does and can do, scripting and directing and helping actors with characters etc, but where these other series dont compare to bad buddy is in the chemistry. ohm and nanon have the ability to act so naturally together and thats not something p'aof can create himself. sure, he can help a lot, but that chemistry comes from their close bond, their understanding of themselves and each other and their talent and passion as actors. its just a dream team the three of them. and i so hope that gmmtv will let p'aof run wild with experienced and talented actors again so we keep getting more masterpieces like bad buddy. bc there's no hiding now, we know they can do it, we know they have all they need, so just be brave gmmtv. let p'aof work his magic.

[worfs-fabulous-hair]

I'm back ! And I am alive surprisingly !

(please read! This might help me determine how this blog is run for a month or two in a month or so! I'm just adding a read more so it doesn't take up space or get one of those keep reading tabs.)

I have good news and bad news :

Good news #1 the tests I had to do on my limbs proved successful and I now know what is wrong with my arms. So therefore I don't need anymore tests and I don't have to go to doctors almost two hours away from where I live anymore .

Bad news #1 I have carpel tunnel syndrome in both hand.

Bad news #2 it's so bad that I will need surgery and then physical therapy on both hands. Which will leave me without the ability to use my hand ( or hands I haven't met the surgeon yet) for awhile. Which means I won't be able to do the show watching the way I usually do.

Now for good news #2 is that I have options on how to proceed with things once the surgery is done because I really want to just watch star trek after since I'm probably going to be basically bed ridden for that time.

Option 1 (under the circumstance that they do one arm at a time): I switch from using my tablet ( to watch TOS ) and my phone(to write thoughts and jokes) to using my TV (to watch) and my phone (to type ) . And /or change the format of the blog this way the blog stays the same .

Option 2 (which has two parts and can be used no matter which way they do the surgery ) : make a discord channel so people can watch star trek with me. I might, if you guys would like, to keep the blog as close to how it is now as possible, take my favorite commentary from the episodes and post those and tag the people who made the comments (if they leave their Tumblr which I could create a channel in the chat specifically for that). This can be done on my tablet or phone and it will make things easier on me while I make sure that y'all don't get left behind while I recover.

Option 2a : is that we continue with TOS from where I leave off when I get the surgery and just continue from there. If we finish TOS we can move onto rather the movies ( TOS movies) or go onto the next generation .

Option 2b : is that we start on a completely new series other then TOS from the beginning, it can be anything from next generation to discovery but I prefer series that are already finished ( the cartoons are also counted in this if y'all want but I wasn't going to watch any of the animated versions or cartoons until after I had watched the live action series ) as apposed to something that's still going mainly because I've designated those for my family to watch together.

Another side option that is apart of this option is to make sort of a cohesive schedule of sorts like we watch star trek Mondays and Wednesdays and then on the other days we watch other shows that aren't star trek that we can decide on becuase I will be watching though paramount + and they have a lot of shows. My family also has other subscriptions to other services that I could add onto my phone or tablet and we could watch stuff from there as a group as well I just won't be adding any commentary from those onto this blog but I might add them onto my other blog if people would want that.

Also adding the commentary on the blog would be more or less so for people who don't want to join the discord or can't be there when it is being streamed. I'll update options as I think of them or as I learn more about what is gonna happen with the surgery (ies )

I'll probably go back to doing everything like how I do it now once I recover from surgery, mainly because of my schedule and the fact that even if I wanted to streaming tons of shows all the time isn't the most ideal for having to do things. (Unless I go with option one ). I could still keep the chat up and stream a star trek series for a couple of episodes like every Saturday or Sunday after that because that's typically when I have nothing but time.

[edgeofmyniall]

The Arrival: Part Two

taglist | masterlist | 

trigger warning: descriptive telling of a miscarriage

The warm air hits Niall like a sudden force that kicks him in the stomach. His hand still lingers on the crook of Penelope’s back and he knows all too well that his heart is screaming for her. One look from her and he feels like he could vomit. 

It had always been that way for him when it came to Penelope Myers. She could make his thoughts dizzy, his heart sing, and his stomach knot with one singular look. If love was illegal, he would forever be in the top ten most wanted criminal in the world. He was absolutely, without a doubt, still in love with Poppy. 

Until he started to notice that Poppy cared for more of the material things than himself. Her gaze would linger on the necklaces and rings that he presented her when she thanked him. She could not stop praising the new car that sat in the garage when she called her mom. It was him that worked hard and gave Poppy the nicer things in life. And she failed to respect him in the way that Niall seemed fit. 

She was shallow, only loving him for the diamond on her hand and the car she drives.  

“How have you two been?” Amelia asks as her drink slings against the carpet. Clearly under the buzz of wine, she pulls both Niall and Poppy into a forced hug, letting her Yorkshire accent free from her imprisonment. The pretend couple look at one another before Amelia lets her grip go, forcing smiles on their faces. “Been a lot of rumors going about… a divorce, an affair? Not the two of you, I say,” Amelia smiles, genuinely believing her friends were still together. “Aren’t you two trying to have a baby?” 

Poppy cradles her torso in an unconscious decision-grief swallowing her whole. Niall presses his hand tighter around Poppy’s back, pulling her closer to him. They had been, trying, to say the least. Until one night Poppy woke up with bloody sheets and her torso feeling as if it’s been ripped open. Niall grieved only for a few weeks that his wife miscarried, but Poppy still grieves in silence. 

Three Years Ago

“Niall,” Poppy whined, her stomach feeling torn to shreds. She had woken from a deep slumber to the intense pain that scratched and clawed at her torso. She felt weak, both physically and mentally. She thought it might have been the food she had eaten for dinner, but it was more than that. She felt the loss move through her body. She moved her legs closer to her chest trying relieve the pain somehow. “Niall, please… I-”

“What is it?” Niall sat up, leaning on one arm as he turned toward his wife whose tears had soaked into her pillow. “What’s wrong?” Niall tries to wrap his arm around Poppy’s shaking body when he feels the dampness on the sheets. Quickly he turns on the lamp beside the bed and tosses the white sheets off Poppy’s body. The dark red liquid had stained the entirety of Poppy’s side of the bed. In the scene of life or death, Niall watches his wife lose the greatest joy she had. Still crouched in the fetal position, Penelope screams out as another wave of pain courses through her body. Her back muscles were tight contracting with the pain as her lower abdomen pulsates its muscles with the pain. Niall’s heart races as he becomes frantic. His breathing is erratic as he scoops his wife into his arms and carries her downstairs. 

“Please, please, please not the baby,” was the only thing that ran across his mind.

“It hurts, Niall. I can’t-” Poppy tries to speak through the tears and the gut wrenching pain, but fails as she buries her head into Niall’s chest as she cries. 

“Baby, shhh, it’ll be alright,” Niall lied, panic rising in his chest, trying his best to soothe his wife. He awkwardly opens the back seat of his car and lays Poppy down gently before racing back up the stairs to grab his phone. 

“Sam, get an emergency cleaning crew to my house as soon as fucking possible,” Niall tries to steady his request, but it comes off more as a demand. “I’m taking Penelope to the ER. Cancel all my meetings for tomorrow or today or what the fuck ever day it is. My wife lost my child and I- '' Niall screams into the empty house as tears fall down his face. His body shakes as he hits his fist into the wall, putting a hole into the painted drywall. “I got to go.” Niall shoves the phone into the pocket of his checkered pajama pants and flies to the nearest emergency room.

“Sir,” the doctor, a young and fairly new attendant, walks into the room. She carries herself in a way that one would when delivering bad news. Niall had been waiting in the hard metal chair while Poppy was rushed into the operating room. “Your wife has lost a lot of blood and she could have lost her life if you hadn’t made it here in time.”

“What about the baby?” Niall’s eyes wide as he takes in the unspoken words. He could read between the lines. “What about my baby?”

“The fetus did not make it,” the doctor’s face scrunched as she tried to break the life changing news. She tried so hard to stop her own tears from falling. “Penelope wasn’t far along and in the first trimester there is-”

“Eighty percent chance that a miscarriage could happen. I know, I researched everything when Poppy told me.” Niall hung his head and wept as the doctor stood in the solidary of Niall’s grief. “Is my wife okay? Did she make it?” Niall’s voice cracked at the thought of losing his best friend. His life would be shambles if he ever lost Poppy. 

“She’s in the recovery room asking for you. Penelope, it seems that she does have polycystic ovarian syndrome. It’s a condition that affects her hormone levels. Penelope has more male hormones than she should. PCOS makes it hard for women to become pregnant…”

“We had a hard time… We had an appointment to start with In Vetro, but then she was pregnant by some miracle,” Niall looked at the speckled white floor tiles, trying to steady his voice. 

“The high levels of testosterones caused the miscarriage. Mister Horan,” the doctor crossed her hands in front of her body. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Niall knew the doctor was truly sincere when she apologized, but nothing, no words, could bring his growing baby back.  

Niall’s trek to the recovery room seemed never ending. He wanted to reach his wife and to hold her close so badly that the white walls and floors of the hospital were an endless maze. Niall curses at the barriers that are keeping him from his wife, his best friend, that needed him. He tried so hard to hold himself together when he saw his wife, laying in a stiff hospital bed hooked up to beeping monitors. He watched her heart rate continuously flash across the screen. He held her hand, still soft and gentle just like the first time he held her hand. 

“I’m sorry,” Poppy said. Her eyes were still closed and heavy from the pain medication, but she knew the warmth of her husband’s hand. “It’s all my fault. My body... I-” Poppy’s voices cracked under the weight of her words. Everything she tried to say was too burdensome to speak.  The invisible barrier between them was overshadowing both of them and Niall had already begun to crack under it. 

“No. No, no, no,” Niall repeated as he pushed the wet, sticky tendrils of  light colored hair out of Poppy’s face, his voice finally cracking. He tried to be strong for his wife when she was at her weakest, but the sight of one of the strongest people he knew lying in a bed in grief that consumed her broke him. It was not her fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but maybe his own. If he would have watched more closely for the signs, anything, he might have prevented this from happening. Pale and sickly cold with sweat, Niall smiles at the angel with dark circles under her eyes as if she was the inspiration of the Mona Lisa. Poppy swallows hard as she brings her husband’s hand to her lips, the touch of his hand to her skin causes another wave of tears. She had failed him and the baby. “We’ll try again.”

“We’re...giving it some time,” Poppy dances on the right words to say. She dares not speak of anything that might give any indication of what’s happened. She curses herself for living a secret life.

“Ah, well, it’ll come. All good things come when in their own time, innit that right, Niall? The business hasn’t been doing well, yeah?” Amelia’s eyes flicker with sarcasm as Niall swallows his anger. He knew deep down that Amelia had always been jealous of his success- the way that the business skyrocketed when the firm had helped their country in the decrease of pollution. He wants to say what he’s really thinking, what he really thinks of Amelia and her winery, but instead, he only gives back what Amelia dished. 

“Same could be said for you and Maxwell? Or is it Josh this week?” Amelia laughs, hurt and anger flash across her face, a look that would kill Niall where he stood. Poppy nudges Niall with her elbow and whispers, “Be nice” after Amelia disappears to fetch the unlucky lad of the week.

“I am. Being nice. Did you hear what she said about the business? Jesus Christ I could twist her head off. Ah, here is the lucky man. Name’s Niall.” Niall extends his hand out to the tall, tanned male who looks to belong in a magazine. His blonde hair is gelled back with a tiny curl swooping down his forehead. He flashes his teeth when he smiles. 

“Jayden. Nice to meet you and Miss?” Jayden almost bows as he looks at Poppy. “Mrs. Poppy, Niall’s...wife.” The word is a lie and it tastes bitter in Poppy’s mouth. She wishes she could get used to the taste by now, but it still is just the same. Poppy looks at Jayden, who is still holding her hand. Niall clears his throat as he pulls Poppy closer to him. 

“Leave your luggage by the door,” Amelia says before folding her arm around Jayden’s and showing them Justin’s home. As if they actually needed it. It was only to show off that the successful business couple came back to their roots, even if for a little while.

“Now, tell me,” Amelia whispered when Niall wandered over to the bar to collect a bottle of bourbon, “I saw a ginger hussie standing over Niall with her breasts all out when I came by the office one day to drop off some of my samples. I tried putting in the code on the gate at your house, but it wouldn’t work, but you would know that if you ever returned my calls.”

“Sorry about that, Millie, I’ve been busy with the magazine. Niall said she’s the new intern.” Poppy hates the taste of lies, boiling inside her as she spews one after another. 

“Well, she was all over him, and Niall was eating that shit up. I swear, I almost threw the bitch off the balcony meself.” Amelia’s brow furrowed as she looked up to her friend. “If the rumors are true…”

“No!” Poppy said a little too quickly and loudly, “I mean, no they aren’t. I trust Niall. He knows what he comes home to.” Poppy smiles reassuringly, but doubts her words. Does he really know her the way that Poppy does? Poppy only disciplines herself for ever believing that she knew Niall. She never did.

“Well, I trust you. I know that you would never lie to me cuz you’re me best friend, and I love you so fuckin’ much,” Amelia’s words slurred as brought her friend in for another hug. Poppy’s heart sank as the lies burned in her mouth. She could never take them back, and if her friend ever found out, their trust would be severed and the domino effect would begin. 

“I just hate that we’re together again under these circumstances. Justin was…” Poppy tried to find the words to describe what Justin meant to her. He had been her friend throughout college, and they had been close until the divorce. She was angry at Justin for keeping his cancer a secret from her for so long. She wanted to help, but Justin reassuringly let her know that unless she held the power of God, that there wasn’t anything that she could do. 

“Amazing, to say the least,” Amelia finished her friend’s sentence. Poppy looked over to Niall who stood next to Alex with a smile wide across his face. He was firmly gripping his glass of red wine when he looked over to his ex-wife and felt an old happiness and yearning for her. He swallowed the feeling down as he sipped his wine, cursing himself for letting his guard down. He still loved her. 

Two Years Ago

“Where were you last night?” Poopy asks, her hands crossed against her chest. “Where the fuck were you?” She cocks a brow as she looks at her husband who remained silent. The cold grey morning seeped into the pale white living room where the two were standing. Niall had only just come inside when Poppy stood at the base of the stairs. Her eyes, rimmed with red from worry and tears, watches her husband as he tosses his briefcase to the floor. 

“I was out, alright?” Niall sighed as he looked Poppy in her swollen eyes. He didn’t call her. Not even after the floods of texts and calls, Niall never once picked up his phone.

“Where?” Poppy asks, her voice sharp as a knife. She could feel the tears brimming over the edge of her lids and her mouth formed a frown. She thought of the worst.

“I was at the office late with reports,” Niall walked over to Poppy kissing her temple as he pulled her close. “I fell asleep. I should have called.”

“I was…” Poppy folded her arms around her husband and sighed, “I was so worried.” Poppy's head rests inside the crook of Niall’s neck and as she breathes in her husband, she breathes in the musk of a perfume she didn’t recognize.

“I’m going to take a shower and then we can go see your mother, okay?” Niall asked as he let his embrace go. It was foreign to her now. Who was this Niall standing in front of her now? The faint outline of red lipstick still stained his skin where she kissed him. It was smudged, like Niall had tried to vigorously rub the act of possession away.

“Yeah, sure.”

One by one, the two are reunited with old friends that they had lost contact with over the years. Each time, the two forced smiles and laughter for shared memories and explanations. No one dares to address the rumors that the couple are no longer together. That would mean facing the truth and digging up each lie they’ve spoken over the past year. Hours passed and the two felt as if they had finally come home after wandering around for years. Niall steals a quick glance from Poppy who is laughing at a joke that Jayden said. He wants to rescue her as he watches her subtly flirt with the stranger. His fear of losing Poppy had come true, by his own demise, but here in the warm fire scented room, he felt that he could lose Poppy all over again.  

“Where’s our rooms?” Niall finally asks after sharing a chardonnay with Alex, Justin’s long time girlfriend. Alex tried to keep the wine from coming up when Niall asked his question. Niall felt the secret becoming like loose strands the longer he stood there in front of his friends.

“Rooms? You and Poppy only need one, unless…”

“No, none of it’s true. Just misspoke is all,” Niall swallows the last of the wine in hopes of the conversation and upcoming questions dying. The bottle of unopened bourbon still stands on their suitcases waiting for Niall’s lips to taste. 

“Last door on the left upstairs. The usual room,” Alex cocks a brow when Niall strides over to Poppy and pulls her in the direction of the luggage. 

“Grab your bags and let’s go,” Niall breathes hard, angry at himself for letting the one word almost unravel the lie they’re both living. “We’re in our old room.”

“One room? We’re sharing?” Poppy asks as she pulls the handle out of her rolling suitcase. “Are you sure?”

“They don’t know, Penelope,” he growls, looking Poppy in the eyes before trudging upstairs leaving Poppy to her own demise. 

They don’t know.

She has to repeat this to herself, reminding her that while life moved forward for the two of them, their friends are stuck in the past. 

taglist: @niallerlover​, @yourpolaroid07,  @militrybarbi  

[destiniesfic]

132 Hours, Chapter 9

“Don’t kill Cardan.”

The Bomb cocks her head to the side. “I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I… don’t.”

Previous

Read chapter 9 on AO3, or read below:

The Bomb returns sometime later with a liter bottle of spring water and Tylenol. “Prescription strength,” she tells me, dispensing two pills into my open palm. “Good stuff.”

“Whose prescription?” I croak, sitting up. It feels like every ounce of liquid in me is squeezing itself out as sweat or something else. Masturbating only helps so much—the only thing that abates the worst heat symptoms is mating with an alpha. And since that’s not happening, it’ll just have to run its course.

Oblivious to my true suffering, she winks at me.

I throw the Tylenol back and wash them down with a swallow of cool water, then keep drinking. My mouth has grown so dry. But I wrench the bottle away from my mouth and say “Leave it” when the Bomb moves to take the pills back.

She gives me a look. “I’ll be back to give you more later, but I’m not leaving this with you. For all I know, you’d shut down your liver to make us take you to the hospital.”

I blink at her, wretchedly aware of the heat of my skin where my eyelids press together. I hadn’t even thought of that.

“Crap,” she says, fumbling in the plastic bag. “I should have taken your temperature first. Hold on, maybe we can still get it before the meds kick in.” She clicks her tongue. “Chemistry I like fine, drugs, sure—but nursing isn’t my area.”

“What is your area?” I ask. I don’t really feel like talking to anyone, but my curiosity is strong enough that I push through it. Anything to learn more about the people who’ve taken us.

The Bomb holds up her prize, a thermometer still in its plastic packaging, and grins at me. “I like blowing stuff up. I dabble in hacking. Basically, if there’s a wall, I want to bring it down.”

I shift in my blankets. It’s an endearing answer, but I worry that any positive feelings toward our kidnappers is budding Stockholm Syndrome. “This must be a boring job for you.”

“It was supposed to be, yeah.” She wrestles the thermometer out of the plastic and hands it to me. “You have a way of keeping things interesting. And Cardan’s a riot. I hope we don’t have to kill him.”

The beep of the thermometer turning on immediately after that statement makes me jump. “You said you wouldn’t,” I protest. “You said you’d take care of us.”

“I know. Our employer’s anxious about how much you’ve both seen and heard. But we can’t kill you, so there isn’t much of a point to getting rid of him. And between you and me, the Roach is very fond of him.”

“So—”

“Stick that thing in your mouth,” she says. “We don’t have all day.”

I glare but stick the cold tip of the thermometer under my tongue and wait for it to start beeping again.

The Bomb leans over, reading the lit-up display—red, already a bad sign. “One hundred point nine,” she announces. “No wonder you’re miserable.”

“No real danger though,” I sigh, pulling it out of my mouth and giving it a little shake. Would they really take me to the hospital if my condition deteriorated? Maybe I should consider trying to dehydrate myself. That’s the real danger of going through heat without a partner. I could do it, I think. “Forget” to drink, drive the fever higher. But our current circumstances are already precarious, and there are a million ways this might end badly for me. The headache is pulsing stronger over my left eye already, and the last thing I need is a full-blown migraine. I take a sip of water and silently will the Tylenol to kick in faster.

“We’ll keep an eye on you,” she affirms.

I wipe my hand on the back of my mouth, already feeling a little more like a person instead of a sweaty blob of hormones. “Don’t kill Cardan.”

The Bomb cocks her head to the side. “I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I… don’t.” I cap the bottle, looking down at my hands. My cheeks are hot again, which at least means some blood in my body has decided to circulate instead of pooling in my groin. “But I don’t think he deserves to die. He didn’t do anything.”

“Hmm,” says the Bomb, mulling it over.

I jerk my head up, but she’s smiling at me. Teasing. I flush again. “I’m just saying. I don’t see you guys as killers, anyway.”

Her voice has a dangerous edge to it when she asks, “You don’t?”

I shake my head to clear it. I may be sick, but I can’t allow myself to forget where I am and who I am with. The Ghost shot me already, and it’s easier than I’d like to imagine the Roach’s twisted features contorting further as he plunges a knife into someone’s back. “Maybe just you?” I offer.

“Well, you’re not far off. Murder is a messy business. I prefer to set the charges and wait at a safe distance. But we all do what we have to.” She shifts, and I must look worried, because she adds, “He’s probably going to be fine.”

“Probably,” I echo, and then sigh. “His family’s even more messed up than mine.”

“Well, your dad is Madoc.”

“My parents are dead,” I say.

“Oh,” says the Bomb. But no apology, no condolences. I kind of appreciate that. I learned a long time ago that no amount of apologies would bring my mom and dad back.

“And my sister—never mind.” I shake my head. I really must be addled if I’m spilling my guts to a stranger. Is this Stockholm Syndrome? Is this how it starts? “At least she’s not trying to kill me.”

“It’s another level of family drama,” she agrees. “The Kardashians have nothing on the Greenbriars.”

I try to work out why I feel comfortable around the Bomb. I think her frankness reminds me a bit of Vivi. She never bought into the pretensions of our new life—she wanted out as soon as she was in. And she talks about it like she really is outside of it. The Bomb is like that. She says what she means. She isn’t bowled over by anything.

“How can you do it?” I ask. “How can you do this kind of work for them? Is it really just the money?”

The Bomb blinks at me, her eyes large and luminous in the dark. Her brows draw together, and she looks past me. I seem to have struck a nerve, and for a moment I think she isn’t going to answer my question. Then, at last, she says, “It isn’t just that. The Roach and I—we owe them a lot. I think if… we might not be alive now, if not for what they did.”

“That’s worth kidnapping for? Maybe killing for?”

She looks back down at me. “I know you’ve had shit happen, Jude. I’m not interested in a competition there. But I think Madoc’s kept you from a lot of bad stuff, given you options. Some of us aren’t so lucky.”

“I know that,” I protest. How many Designation Equality Club meetings had Taryn and I attended in our time? Vivi was president for a little while, I think to spite Madoc. “I know it’s not all mansions and parties. And you know, bad stuff can happen in parties and mansions too.”

“Sure. We are the bad stuff.” She flashes me a grin, then says, “Just think about what could have happened if Madoc hadn’t been there to catch you guys. Where you might have ended up. What you might have done to get out of it.”

My stomach twists. I have, of course, thought about that, but it’s an alternate universe that I can’t look directly at, like a solar eclipse. It’s easier to think about two branching possibilities: parents alive, or parents dead with Madoc intervention. Thinking about Madoc never showing, about Taryn and Vivi and I getting put in foster care, maybe separated… it’s so dim and distant.

“I’m not interested in a competition either,” I tell her. “I mean, I am judging you a little for kidnapping us. I will judge you harder if you kill Cardan.”

“No one’s going to kill Cardan,” the Bomb says, patting my shoulder. “You should lie back down. I’m surprised you’ve been upright this long.”

I scowl, but my head is already beginning to feel swimmy, so I settle back into my blankets. “I’m really stubborn.”

“I got that.” The Bomb gathers up her things, but leaves the water bottle within reach. I am grateful.

Just before she can put her hand on the doorknob, I call softly, “If you kill Cardan, I’ll kill you.”

She looks back over her shoulder at me, looking oddly fond. Maybe a gang of kidnappers and thieves respects threats. “Yeah,” she says. “I got that one, too.”

---

Cardan somehow manages to con his way into spending a lot of time outside of the cell. I am not sure how long, because I am curled up toward the wall and barely notice the light from the window wax and wane. But as the day passes his scent starts to go stale and sour, and I pick my head up every time someone opens the door.

It’s always the Bomb, returning to give me more Tylenol or hand me fresh fruit—not fast food, therefore a luxury. It occurs to me then that they kept buying us stuff from a drive-thru or grocery store because they didn’t think they would have us for long and didn’t bother stocking up. But someone must have thought to buy one a bag of mandarins this time, because I am given a couple to nibble on after each dose.

“Boosts the immune system,” the Bomb says when she drops off the first one. She seems in a good mood, probably because the medication has managed to wrestle my fever down to a balmy ninety-nine. Achy and hollow, I just give her a nod. My hands shake when I peel it, but I can peel it, and I’m grateful for that. I have been so humiliated already, and I can probably take more, but I don’t want to.

I slip into a weird daze for the second half of the day. Even though the fever is gone and my cramps are easier to bear, I find myself cursing Cardan’s name. I am pretty sure his presence made my heat worse—just the presence of an alpha, a desirable one, has convinced my body that there’s a chance I might mate, so it’s punishing me worse for abstaining. The longer he’s gone, the more clearheaded I feel, to the extent that my head can clear. And I am angry, at him for intensifying my misery, and at myself, for being like this in the first place.

By the time he returns, any trace of sunlight is gone. He walks slowly, shuffling behind the Bomb. Even as she talks to me and I nod along, sticking the thermometer in my mouth, my eyes track his progress as he settles in his corner.

His hair is damp, his scent shot through with the floral soap from the bathroom. He showered before coming in. I am unreasonably jealous of him. My hair is plastered to the back of my neck with sweat, and my thighs are basically stuck together with dried—anyway, I haven’t left the room all day, not even to pee. I feel like a damp towel someone wrung out and left to dry over the side of a sink.

After I’ve taken the Tylenol, the Bomb hands me a paper napkin with two more pills folded in it. “In case you wake up in the middle of the night,” she explains.

“It’s night?” I ask.

“We sleep in shifts. If there’s an emergency, have Cardan pound on the door.”

“Why me?” Cardan asks. He’s assumed his usual posture, with his leg propped up and his arm balanced casually on his knee. I wonder if the Bomb notices the rigidity in his shoulders, the tension in the line of his mouth. I do.

“I don’t think Jude’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

I sniff derisively, which is a bad move, because I get a fresh whiff of Cardan and am forced to bury my face in my pillow to smother a whimper.

“Point taken,” Cardan says. “Night. Thanks…” I imagine the rest of his sentence curling up and dying at the novelty of him thanking anybody for anything, but he manages to continue. “Thanks for taking care of her.”

The Bomb dusts off her knees as she stands up. “No problem. If she dies, we’re extraordinarily screwed.”

“I know. Still.”

She nods, then leaves. This time, I hear her lock the door behind her. Cardan and I are once again stuck together, alone.

I turn over and curl toward the wall again so I don’t stare. It’s not like heat gives you night vision, but for a couple of seconds he seemed to be a crisp outline in the near darkness of our cell. I don’t want to be tempted. I don’t.

“How, uh.” Cardan clears his throat and tries again, awkwardly. “How was your day?”

“Sucked,” I mutter.

“Yeah.”

“Yours?”

“Sucked less, probably.” He pauses. “But still sucked. I, um, I wanted to check on you.”

“It’s okay.” I shift my head. There’s a twinge in my abdomen, but at least it’s not another full cramp. “Did you learn any neat card tricks?”

“Yeah, actually. The Roach says I’m a fast learner.”

“High praise from a career criminal.”

Cardan chuckles, and my heart jumps. I made him laugh. I don’t know why that affects me the way it does. It must be the heat, another weird side effect. “I should’ve brought the deck in. To show you.”

“If we get through this, you can show me another time.”

“Oh yeah?” I can tell he cracks a smile just by the way his voice picks up. “You’re still gonna want to hang out when we’re out of here?”

I press my lips together to keep from echoing a smile. “I don’t know,” I say to the wall. “Maybe I’ll be too busy with my cool new friends from college to make time for you. And maybe you’ll be too busy hanging out with the Roach. Although that’s honestly an upgrade from your normal crowd.”

“Ouch.”

“He’s not a douchebag alpha,” I point out.

“I don’t know what he is.” I can picture Cardan shaking his head. “I sat next to him for most of the day and I still don’t have a clue. He sounds like an alpha, but he doesn’t really look like one. He doesn’t smell like anything. He and the Bomb seem to have some kind of communication going, but I don’t know if that means they’re mated, or… just close, I guess.”

“I think the Bomb’s an omega,” I say. “Like me. We kind of had a moment earlier.” I screw up my face in thought. “It bothers me that I still can’t get a clear read on her scent, though. Especially now. That’s weird. What do they have to hide?”

“Maybe they’re all betas,” Cardan suggests. “They don’t give off the same pheromones we do.”

I snort. “That’s not possible.”

“Betas exist.”

“Yeah. They’re one in a thousand. The odds that there would be three in one place...”

“Impossibly low, yeah. You’re right.” He sighs. “Well, we’ve seen their faces, but maybe they don’t want to leave scent markers around so they can be tracked that way. That seems like a smart crime thing… to do.”

My lips twitch again. “A ‘smart crime thing?’”

“Oh, like you could do better.”

I snicker, but then the cell falls quiet. We have officially exhausted every subject that will keep us from facing our circumstances, and we know it.

“So,” Cardan says, “now what?”

I don’t know. I cannot imagine spending the night in this cell with him, like this. But I am supposed to be the one with the plans.” “Um, I guess we try to sleep.”

“Right, right. Will it hurt your foot if I take the pillow under it? I’d ask to borrow a blanket, but…”

“No, I get it,” I rush. The blankets are in no condition to be lent, but I’ve left him without any bedding and anywhere to sleep. “Definitely take the pillow.”

There is silence, in which I can imagine him nodding, then the rustle of his clothes as he crawls over to take the pillow propped up under my leg. His hand skims my foot, and it’s like an electric current zings up my body. I hold my breath, waiting for something else to happen, but I just hear him move back to his corner.

“Do you want, um, my sweatshirt?” I offer.

He scoffs, “I don’t think it’ll fit, Duarte.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re such an asshole. To keep your arms warm, because you don’t have a blanket.”

There’s a longer pause than the situation calls for, and then he says, “Yeah, toss it over.”

I make myself sit up so I can unzip it, then ball it up and fling it toward him as hard as I can. I am not feeling very strong, but the room is short, so it lands at his feet anyway. He picks it up and buries his face in it.

“Oh, you pervert,” I scold, even as my stomach does a flip. I am surprised to find I’m not mad. I’m not even annoyed. What had I thought was going to happen when I threw it over to him? It’s saturated with my pheromones.

And my scent. Which he’s supposed to hate.

“I just,” he says, taking another sniff. There’s a fuzzy edge to his voice. “I thought it would help. Since we can’t—I don’t know, I just thought it would help.”

I force myself to lie back down and turn around and not watch, even though I am unbearably curious. My face is hot, and heat gathers between my thighs again. It’s just the pheromones. It’s just the circumstances. If my mind were less addled, maybe I could make more sense of all this, but I cannot.

A minute or so later I hear him shift again. “Yeah, it’s a good blanket,” he says. “Thank you, Jude.”

“Sure.”

Then all is silent again, and I think he has fallen asleep. It seems impossible that he could. I am so weary, but my arousal is skewering me like a hot spike, and I keep listening for him on the other side of the room. There’s no way I can seek relief with him here, and no way I can sleep like this.

“Cardan,” I say, breathily. “Are you awake?”

He whispers back, “Yeah.”

I shift. It’s like parts of my body flare to life at just the sound of his voice. “What do you think would happen if you came over here?”

“You don’t—want that, right?”

I don’t know what I want. I think I am closer to wanting him—to wanting at all—and then the memory of Valerian using his knee to try and wedge my thighs apart comes back. I pull the blankets tighter around me. “This sucks so much.”

“Yeah.”

“Less for you, right?”

“You think so?”

“I don’t know. Aren’t you flooded with adrenaline or whatever it is that theoretically enables you to keep thrusting for days on end?”

Cardan chuckles. “Wow. You must really be far gone if you’re willing to put me and ‘thrusting’ in the same sentence.”

My cheeks warm. “I meant ‘you’ as in ‘alphas.’ Don’t be dumb. And aren’t you used to this?”

“From—oh. The O?”

“Uh-huh.”

“No, that’s different. They alter it somehow, on a chemical level. All of the euphoria and adrenaline, none of the, uh… the aches or the erections lasting longer than four hours. You know, stuff you want to avoid if you’re not in rut for real.”

“Right, makes sense.” I hesitate. “So, you are? I couldn’t tell.”

“What?” He sounds incredulous. “Yeah, yes, I am. Of course I am. There’s like no space between us and no ventilation. It would be impossible for me not to be.”

“Alright, alright.” I squeeze my pillow a little tighter. “You just seem so…”

“So…?”

“Clear,” I finish. “And calm. Calmer than this morning, at least.”

Cardan is quiet for a second before he asks, “Remember this morning, you asked if I was afraid of you?”

My heart thumps. “Yeah?”

“I’m not. I’m afraid of me. I’m afraid of… of...” He grasps for words. “I’m afraid of all the stuff I want to do. Because I’m coming to a realization that’s very painful and you can’t laugh, but I am, and it’s, it’s important—I don’t want to be like Valerian. Or like my brothers. Or even like Locke. I want to be different. I don’t know if there is a different, but I want to be it.”

I am so bewildered that I don’t reply. For as long as I have known Cardan, he’s never been anything other than a bully, a terror, delighting in other people’s suffering, reigning from the top of the food chain. He always seemed to enjoy being an alpha, relish it. I can’t make heads or tails of what he’s telling me now.

Is he saying he doesn’t want to hurt me? He’s never cared before.

But I think about him tucking the blankets around me, gingerly propping my foot up on the pillow this morning, and I wonder.

“It wouldn’t be like Valerian,” I whisper, but he must have fallen asleep, because he says nothing.

Next

[caitlesshea]

the way you showed me you care

“Shit.”

Booker jumps about a half foot in the air and almost falls off the couch at the sound of his phone ringing. It’s been months since anyone has contacted him, so long that he was beginning to wonder why he even kept it charged. 

In some self sacrificial moments he thought about changing his number so they couldn’t contact him, tricking himself into thinking they would. 

He fumbles forward and goes to answer when it blessedly stops ringing. Just because it takes an insane amount of alcohol for him to get drunk doesn’t mean he hasn’t spent the last couple of months trying. 

Just as he lays back down on the couch it rings again and when he goes to answer it his stomach sinks. 

Copley. 

“What?” Booker growls into the phone and the voice on the other end just sighs.

“How soon can you get to London?”

“Why? Is Andy?” 

“Everyone’s fine.”

Booker releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and rubs his forehead until he calms down.

“Then why?”

“London. How long?”

Booker holds his phone in front of him, trying to figure out the time and what day it is.

“Give me a couple of hours.”

“Fine. You remember how to get to my place?”

“How could I forget?” Booker responds dryly and he’s only slightly disappointed when Copley doesn’t say anything back. 

“Do you need anything? Money?”

Booker swallows at the softness in Copley’s voice. They’ve always had a friendly enough relationship, one doesn’t get to the point of asking someone to help you end it all without being somewhat close. They always understood each other in that regard.

“That’s the last thing I need. I’ll see you tonight.”

Booker hangs up before Copley can say anything and he smiles as his email pings with a train ticket to London and a rental car reservation. 

He takes one last look at his shitty apartment and grabs the duffel bag he’s had packed since he first got to Paris. 

At the last minute he picks up the copy of Don Quixote that Andy gave him and shoves it into his bag before grabbing his keys and his current passport, a French one, for once. 

Something about being exiled for a hundred years makes him want to be sentimental. And drunk. But he figures he can drink on the train. 

In what feels like no time at all he’s pulling up to Copley’s weirdly modern house in the outskirts of London. Booker tries not to think about what Copley could possibly want, especially considering he dragged Booker to London for it. Before he even turns off the engine Copley is outside waiting for him. 

“You made it.”

“Very astute of you.”

Copley rolls his eyes and Booker follows Copley into his house, setting his bag down on the couch. 

“Gonna tell me why I’m here?”

“I need your help.”

“My help?” Booker asks as Copley hands him a glass of scotch. 

Booker looks around Copley’s office, weird detective board still firmly in place, and waits for Copley to answer. 

When it seems like Copley isn’t going to say anything anytime soon, Booker walks over to the board, heart clenching at seeing Andy’s, Nicky’s, and Joe’s faces reflected back at him.

“None of me?”

“You told me you were immortal. I didn’t really need to do any research on you.”

“Mmm.” Booker swirls the drink in his glass and smirks.

“Couldn’t figure out my real name could you?”

Copley smiles and Booker shakes his head as he laughs.

“You’re very good.”

“Oh, I know.”

Copley smirks at him and Booker feels himself relax for the first time in months.

“So, my help?”

“There’s a job.” Copley hands him an iPad and Booker looks it over. “Andy agreed, but I need supplies and I don’t want to put them on the radar of any of my contacts.”

Booker raises an eyebrow at that and he swears he can see regret in Copley’s eyes.

“Joe and Nicky can get them. They know who we used.”

“Joe and Nicky?”

“Just because they’re super old doesn’t mean they can’t use a computer.”

“But Andy?”

“Oh, yeah, Andy’s terrible.” Booker walks over to sit in one of the chairs as Copley takes the other. “But Joe and Nicky aren’t half bad and I’m sure Nile is even better.”

“Nile. A millennial she is.”

Booker laughs and hands back the iPad. “She giving you trouble?”

“She just wants to have social media, wants to see her family, the usual.”

“Well, Nicky and Joe have an Instagram.”

“They what?” Copley looks like his eyes are going to bug out of his head and Booker rolls his eyes as he opens his phone.

“Not in their names or anything. It’s one of those couple’s accounts. They never show their faces and Nicky thinks he’s funny, posting old photos of them, making people think it’s a filter instead of a yellowed Polaroid.”

“Jesus.”

“Just give Nile some ground rules.”

“And the family part?”

“Ah, yeah, I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask.”

“Why?”

Booker looks up at Copley and realizes he’s genuinely curious. Booker takes a moment to spin his wedding ring that he stills wears and notices Copley still wears his as well. It makes something clench in his chest that he can’t really describe.

“Nothing good will come from her seeing them.” Booker ends up saying quietly and Copley nods. 

Booker doesn’t know what to do with the look on Copley’s face. It’s not pity, or even understanding, but it’s something close, and that makes his heart hurt. 

“Here.” Booker emails Copley the contacts and supplies he’d use for this mission and he waits for Copley to read it before getting up to leave.

“Stay.” Copley says as Booker walks past him. “For dinner I mean, and you can go back to Paris tomorrow.”

“Dinner.” Booker says, even though he packed for at least a week, and doesn’t want to look too closely at why he doesn’t want to leave.

“You cook?” Copley jokes. “You’ve had what, two hundred years to learn?”

“Nice try.” Booker walks into the kitchen with Copley behind him and takes a seat at the bar as Copley pulls out some food.

“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” Copley asks as he cuts up some veggies for what looks like a stir fry. “None of you have, actually.”

Booker swallows roughly at the mention of everyone else and he wishes he refilled his scotch before coming out here. One appears in front of his view and Copley gives him a wry smile.

“We don’t really talk about these things.”

“What things?”

“You know.” Booker waves in the general direction of Copley’s office. “Immortality, with anyone who’s not…”

“Ah.” Copley nods and throws the veggies and chicken he pulled out of the fridge into a wok. 

“What?”

“Nothing.” Copley turns to look at Booker and Booker can’t explain it but he feels seen like he never has before. “Doesn’t that get lonely?”

“I think you know the answer to that already, James.”

Copley nods and they sit in companionable silence while the food cooks. Booker wishes he had more to say, but the sting of losing his friends, his family, sits heavy in his throat. 

There’s no Nicky to bet if Andy will guess all the flavors in the latest baklava. There’s no Joe to watch football with and cheer for any team who’s wearing the color green because ‘Nicolò’s eyes.’ There’s no Andy to…

He’s brought out of his musings by Copley’s shout. 

“They have almost a million followers!” 

Booker can’t help it, he throws his head back and laughs, really laughs, for the first time in months. 

~~~ 

Booker was supposed to go home the next day. But it’s been almost three weeks and he hasn’t left. 

It’s not that he wants to stay, that’s a lie, but Copley keeps asking for help on jobs or how to deal with the team and Booker, the martyr, can’t stop himself from asking for more information. 

It’s not like he can’t figure out where they are. He helped them disappear in the world for almost two hundred years, he knows how they operate, but that feels a little too invasive, even for him. 

“They want to take a break for a little while.” Copley sits down next to him with coffee and passes one to Booker.

That’s another thing. Booker isn’t drinking as much and his flask is in his bag. Copley brings him coffee, tea, water. Almost anytime Booker sees the man drinking something, he brings something for Booker, as well. Booker knows it’s a tactic to get him to stop drinking as much, but he finds that he doesn’t care. 

“They do that.”

Copley just looks at him and Booker is reminded of the CIA Agent he met nearly nine years prior. 

“When you’re as old…” Booker smiles at Copley’s look of interest. “Nice try. But breaks are good. And Nile is still new.”

“When will she stop being new?”

“When Andy thinks she’s ready.”

“For?”

“Honestly? Probably never now that Andy’s…”

“Mortal?”

Booker swallows and looks up at Copley. The storm brewing in his own eyes is met with a compassion he doesn’t deserve. He looks away before he does something ridiculous like cry but not soon enough for Copley to notice.

“Booker.”  Copley breathes deeply, almost like it pains him that Booker is hurting. “How long is your exile?”

“A hundred years.”

“A hundred years?”

“Yeah.” Booker doesn’t even realize he’s saying the next part until Copley’s gasp. “A third of my life.”

“A third? So you’re two hundred?”

Booker sighs and figures if the man is letting him live in his house then he might as well be honest with him. 

“I turned two hundred and fifty this past May.”

“Two hundred fifty…” Copley trails off with a look of concentration. “Seventeen seventy?”

“Got it in one.”

“Well, shit.”

Booker laughs at the look on Copley’s face. “You have a board of over a hundred and fifty years of photos of us and my actual age surprises you?”

“Well yeah, especially considering you’re the baby.”

“I am not the baby.” Booker glares at Copley without heat.

“Right. Right, it’s Nile. You’ve definitely got middle kid syndrome.”

“I resent that.”

Copley shrugs and it’s such an odd thing for him to do that Booker smiles. 

“Forty two.” Booker says unprompted. 

“Huh?”

“I’m forty two, give or take a few years.” 

Copley turns his head to the side like he’s studying Booker and likes what he finds. “I’m forty three.”

“I know.” 

Copley rolls his eyes. “So how did you die?”

“The first time?”

Copley nods and Booker thinks about telling him the glorified version of the truth or the actual truth and finds that he actually wants to tell him.

“Army deserter, fighting with Napoleon.”

“Huh?”

“What?” 

“Nothing, just don’t see you as an army guy.”

“It was the thing to do.”

Copley raises an eyebrow at him and Booker sighs. 

“Alright fine, I was a forger, got caught, sent to war…”

“Booker.”

Booker shakes his head. “It wasn’t the last time I saw my family, although...”

“Family?”

“Wife, three sons.” Booker spins his wedding ring, watching as Copley’s eyes follow the movement. 

“I never…”

“My youngest son died at forty two, cancer. I can still remember everything he said to me, screaming that I wouldn’t share my gift with him to help him.”

Booker startles as Copley’s hand comes down on top of his own, squeezing tightly. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Booker turns his hand over in a moment of bravery and squeezes back.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Copley sits back for a moment, seemingly contemplating something, then shakes his head as he gets up to grab a binder on his desk.

“What are you?” 

“Here.”

Copley places the binder down on the table and Booker looks at it like it might bite him.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

Booker opens it and sees pages of photos of himself. The photos that should be on the wall with the others.

“So you did have photos of me?”

“Just those and the few that are already on the wall. You’ve been with them a long time.”

“Not that long.”

“Longer than most people will ever get.”

Booker nods at that, thinking back to the time he had with his family, the time Copley had with his wife. It makes his heart hurt, when he thinks about everything he’s done.

“If I had your names I could find more.”

“Sébastien.”

“What?”

“My name, it’s Sébastien Le Livre.”

Copley smiles and the way it lights up his whole face is beautiful. The thought stops Booker’s heart for a moment, but then he lets it wash over him. For once, his attraction to someone else doesn’t feel like a betrayal.

“Booker makes sense now.” Copley smirks. “Although I think I like Sébastien better.”

Yeah, this man is going to be the death of him.

~~~

Booker should really admit that he’s not leaving Copley’s house. They’ve traveled to a few places and Booker’s taken a couple of solo jobs and gone to some of his safe houses to get some of his things but it’s been three months of him living with Copley and helping him with the team's jobs and he can feel himself slipping into a dangerous normalcy. 

You can also cut the tension between them with a knife. Booker doesn’t think he’s ever wanted someone as badly as he wants James Copley, but here he is three months into the first solid home he’s had in over two hundred years, and all he wants is Copley. 

Which is to say, he’s a little miserable. He can’t mess this up. He can’t mess up the one friendship that’s become as vital to him as breathing, he can’t mess up the chance to help his family, even if they don’t know it, and he can’t mess up the chance to spend at least some of his hundred year exile with this man. 

Booker’s trying to figure out how to at least see if Copley’s interested in maybe making their relationship something more when he hears a loud crash from the kitchen. 

“Shit.”

“You okay?” Booker looks around at the mess in the kitchen, a little shocked to see any part of the house in such disarray. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was looking for something.”

“What?”

“A cookbook. My wife’s.”

Booker’s heart seizes at the mention of Copley’s wife. It’s not that they haven’t talked about her, hell Booker’s seen more pictures of her than he’s ever seen of another person, but something twists in his gut, burning hot like jealousy, and he hates it. 

“What were you trying to cook?”

“Huh?” Copley’s looking around frantically and not really paying attention and Booker puts his hand on his arm to stop him.

“James.”

Copley looks at him and visibly relaxes as Booker bends down to look in the cabinet Copley was cleaning out. 

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Booker finds what he thinks Copley is looking for and stands up to hand him a small book that has pretty cursive writing on the front.

“Here.”

Booker looks into Copley’s eyes as he takes the book. Their hands brush and Booker swears the butterflies he feels make him feel like a teenager again, which is honestly impressive. 

“Sébastien.” Copley says in his infuriatingly elegant accent and Booker feels himself moving closer, so close that he can feel Copley’s breath against his own lips. 

It only takes a second, and then Booker is surging forward and kissing Copley, who drops the book and wraps his hands around Booker’s waist. 

Booker reluctantly breaks the kiss when the need to breathe becomes too much. He looks into Copley’s eyes and is pleased to see a similar look of want reflected back at him. 

“What are we doing?” Copley whispers as Booker presses up against him and pushes them into the counter. 

“Whatever you want.” 

Copley takes that as an invitation and he surges forward, Booker grabbing onto his hips to stop the momentum as he feels Copley’s tongue seek entrance into his mouth.

Booker gets so lost in the kiss, so lost in pulling Copley’s shirt from his pants and undoing the buttons to his shirt that he’s pretty sure he’s never been kissed like this before, and that’s saying something. 

Before Booker gets what he really wants, which is Copley somewhere horizontal, Copley breaks the kiss with a shout.

“Shit.”

“What happened?” Booker’s looking frantically at Copley. “James!” 

“Cut myself.” Copley looks at him as he pulls his hand in front of him to show the bleeding the knife that was on the counter behind Booker caused. 

Booker helps him bring his hand under the water as he grabs a towel. As soon as the blood washes away Booker turns his hand over looking for the cut and doesn’t see any.

“Where’d you cut your hand?”

“I, I don’t know.” Copley’s looking at his hand like he’s never seen it before and Booker doesn’t think, he just grabs the knife and slices Copley’s hand again and then his own.

“Sébastien!”

“Just look.” Booker wipes the blood away from his own hand and Copley’s and places them next to each other as they watch both wounds heal. 

“Holy shit.”

“Does this mean?”

“I don’t know what it means. Usually a person has to die for us to figure it out.”

“Uhh, about that.”

“We can deal with this later?”

Booker leans in closer to Copley and kisses him again, magically healing immortal hands long forgotten.

~~~

Except, not so forgotten, when Copley shoots awake in the middle of the night, grabbing his head and nearly throwing Booker out of bed.

“James?” 

“Sorry, nightmare.” Copley looks over at him and then turns on the light and Booker can see the worry lines on his face.

“Tell me.” Booker says as he reaches up to cup Copley’s cheek as Copley leans into him. 

“It was nothing.” Copley shakes his head as he scoots closer to Booker. “The team.”

“What about the team?” 

“Nothing, probably just nerves for the next job.”

“James. Tell me what you saw.” 

Copley sighs as he lays back down and Booker hooks his leg over Copley’s as he waits for him to speak.

“I don’t want…”

“I’ll be fine.” Booker says as he leans in to kiss Copley. “Tell me.”

“Andy and Nile were training, Joe was sketching something and Nicky was cooking.” 

“Shit.” Booker lays back down and rubs his hands over his eyes. “We dream each other.”

“We?”

“When there’s a new immortal.”

“So you think?”

“I don’t know what to think. This hasn’t happened before.”

Booker looks over at Copley and sees that his eyes have gone wide and he has a panicked expression in his face. 

“Hey.” Booker turns on his side so he can pull Copley closer. “We’ll figure this out.”

Copley nods just as his phone starts ringing. They both jump at the noise as Copley shows him the caller is Andy. 

Booker tries not to listen but it’s kinda hard when he’s hugging Copley and he misses the sound of Andy’s voice.

“They’ll be here tomorrow.” Copley says as he drops his phone on the nightstand.

“Alright. I can get out of your hair.”

“What? Sébastien, no.”

“I’m not supposed to see them. Hell, I’m probably not supposed to even be speaking to you.”

“Sébastien.” Copley runs his fingers through Booker’s hair. “This is your home. I want you to be here.” 

Booker can’t help it, he kisses Copley like he’s never going to be able to again, as he reaches over and turns off the light. 

~~~ 

Morning comes all too soon and Booker hates it. This sanctuary he’s built, his home, according to James, is about to be overcome with people who hate him.

“I can meet them somewhere else.” Copley says as if he can read Booker’s mind. Wouldn’t that be something. 

“No. They’re probably almost here anyways.” Booker would know, as he broke his own vow and tracked them, just so he knew how much time he’d need to prepare.

“Do I even want to know?”

“No.” Booker smiles and Copley leans down to kiss him just as the doorbell rings. 

Booker holds tighter to his coffee cup as Copley lets them in and for the first time in almost a year he’s looking directly at Nile, Andy, Joe, and Nicky.

“Booker!” Nile says delightedly as she practically skips over to hug him. He sinks into the hug, grateful to at least not have burned this bridge.

“Hey, Nile.”

Nile pulls back and Booker looks over to Andy, who looks the same, if not well rested, and he hugs her, too.

“Book.” 

Book squeezes her again as he steps back. Booker looks at Joe and Nicky, who stand formidable and together but with their heads tilted to the side like they’re trying to figure something out. 

“Did you dream of Copley, too?” Nile asks him and before Booker or Copley can answer Andy gasps as she looks across the living room.

Everyone turns toward her and Booker instantly realizes what she’s looking at and so does Copley. It’s Booker’s copy of Don Quixote that Andy gifted him last year. 

But that’s not all, no, she’s going to notice Booker’s boots by the door, his laptop on the table, his sunglasses and motorcycle helmet on the shelf. It looks like he lives here, because he does. 

“You didn’t just get here today, did you?” Joe asks him as Andy looks at him smiling. 

“No.” Copley answers as he comes up to Booker and places a hand on the small of his back. 

Booker can’t help it, he leans into the touch and turns towards Copley to give him a small smile. 

Booker chances a look back at the others and feels warm at the sight of Nile, Andy, Joe, and Nicky all smiling at him. 

Nicky walks over to him and pulls both Booker and Copley into a quick hug. 

“It’s destiny.”

[antigoneidk]

Idea: (Stockholm Syndrome) y/n is peter’s enemy (you are dr octopus daughter) and Peter kidnaps you, you fall for him, smut in his spidermansuit, tying y/n’s hands with spiderweb, you have kink for spiders, Thank you! You are such a talented writer!! Love from Sweden

Confused|p.p.

a/n: thank you so much for your request your kind words and you patience...I'm so bad at being on time❤

this is my first time writing for peter parker × reader so excuse any mistakes

warnings: mentions of sex, smut, language

_

"I want him dead y/n. Do you understand that?" the man sitting on his chair looked at you, his eyes scanning every inch of your body before turning his back at you.

"Yes sir" you sounded determined, sure that you won't let your boss down like others did in the past. You knew you had the power to do everything, your dad made sure of it. And after all this was a battle you wanted for years, a battle against your worst enemy, Spiderman.

"Don't disappoint me. Now get the fuck out of here" you rolled your eyes at his fast mood swing and did as he said. You walked around the building preparing yourself for the big day. Everything was planned, even the smallest detail cause you needed him dead more than ever, to see him suffer, cry and beg for his life, just like your father did in his hands. Your lust for revenge was getting bigger and bigger though out the years and finally you had the chance to end this in your own way.

_

"What do mean he is not coming today? We had a deal" a man of yours shouted loud just so some of the Avengers on the other side could hear him. The man you were intrested in wasn't with them, but you had a feeling that he was just hiding somewhere. You held your guns in both of your hands tighter and kept hiding in your spot waiting for your team's signal and looking around in case you might see him. You huffed slightly annoyed that you had to wait. You had a vision of yourself just shooting at their heads laughing at them, and you only knew how bad your heart desired this vision to become true.

"I mean he is not coming. I don't have time to explain so just give me what I want and we'll leave in peace" You heard Tony Stark's voice and your heart started beating from anger as you felt your blood boiling and running inside your veins.

"No,if the kid is not here I'm not giving you anything" your disappointment started building up the moment those words came to your ears. You had to kill him today and you were sure he was here with the others but waited for you to make an appearance.

"Look I am not in a mood for fighting now" the Black Widow started walking towards your people"Give it to us now"

"I knew that you were here with them" you heard a voice behind your back and you turned only to find what you were looking for. You aimed at him but he was to quick to shoot with his webs and tie you against the wall. You smirked at him still holding your gun in the palm of your hand and slowly trying to hold it better.

"You think you can stop me with this?"you asked.

"I think I just did" his sarcastic tone made your veins to pop up in your head, turning to a really deep red.

"You fucking piece of shit" you screamed and fired at him, the noise interrupting the others too. Peter jumped trying to avoid your bullets, but his webs made it harder for you to follow him and even though you tried to break them, you couldn't. The last thing you remembered was his face right above you looking down at you smiling.

_

You opened your eyes looking around at the unknown place you were. Your body was laid at a big bed with big pillows around and blankets, all of them white. Plus the light coming from the windows all over the wall next to you made your eyes burn. You located the door across the bed and ran towards it, pulling and pushing in an attempt to open it but of course it was locked.

You huffed and placed your forehead to the door cursing everyone of your team and first of all yourself for letting Peter win so easily. You felt stupid and useless for a moment, feeling the need to cry from the frustration and the awareness that you had failed your mission in the most idiotic way.

"How was your sleep?"you jumped right in your place and turned to the corner of the room where Peter was standing with his hands crossed in his chest leaning against the wall.

"Where am I?"

"Somewhere safe don't worry about it"he said scanning you from head to toe.

"So when am I leaving?"

"You just came and you already want to leave?" he started to approach you with his eyes locked in yours. "We're having fun"

"You are the only one" you stepped to the side making your way to the huge window looking at the view outside, where the weather was cloudy and the wind blowing away, forcing the trees to move in its rhythm.

"If you're a good girl, I can promise you that you're gonna have fun too" you held your breath the moment his fingers touched your shoulder electrifying your entire body, yet you pulled your self away, disguised by his words.

"Can you just leave me alone? You're having me here trapped and you want me to be a good girl?" you moved your fingers at your last two words."If you want me to be good do me a favor and go kill yourself"

"No I'm gonna let you do it"

You jumped at him with your fists punching him in every place of his body you had access to, suprising him for a little with your unexpected moves and strength you had.

"You are the reason my dad is dead" "I want to kill you" "I want you to suffer" "I hate you".Those were mostly the phrases your mouth couldn't stop screaming at him with anger, bitterness, pain as long as you kept smashing him.

"Stop" he defended himself against you by throwing you with as much power as possible on the other side, with your head and back hitting the wall and every single bone inside you cracking. You moaned at the pain and you grabbed the back of your head, still looking at Peter kneeling down and analyzing your injury.

"Don't touch me"you backed off when you saw his hand trying to touch your head and you closed your eyes begging him to leave you alone and muttering words that didn't made sense. You heard his footsteps as he approached the door and finally leaving you in peace. You huffed leaning against the wall suffering from the pain he caused you and thinking of a plan to get out of a place you had no idea where it was located.

_

The past couple of weeks had you confused, first of all with yourself. Peter from the day of the accident had tried in so many ways to talk to you, make you feel better. At first you couldn't even look at him or listen to his voice. You couldn't resist your nature to attack him again and again with all of your powers, you even tried to trap him somehow so that you can escape, but nothing came out.

All of the sudden your anger fade away, sympathy took its place as you were listening to him, his stories, his jokes, his problems. Somehow Peter made you softer, a side of you came to the surface that you didn't even know it existed, it showed only when he was around you.

You tried to fight that feeling, convinced that it was something in the meals they served you that brainwashed you and changed your emotions. You got to the point of not eating for days, detoxing yourself from substance he might had put into the food. Yet, your point of view was unstable. You started questioning yourself if this was really you or not. If this was the start of something evil that was building up inside you slowly or if this was the start of something new, a weird experience.

"Y/n? Are you even listening to me?" he joked and you looked at your hands embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I-I zoned out. How was your practice?"you asked looking at him and mostly his suit that embraced his body perfectly, toning every muscle of his.

"It was good" he sat next to you while you turned to look outside your window for the hundredth time this day."What did you do?"

"The same as usual, trying to find a way to escape from here?"

"Did you came up with something?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"he raised his eyebrows and pressed his lips together with his brown eyes burning your entire soul.

"Why are torturing me like this? What did you do to me? I can't recognize myself anymore" you stand up running your fingers through your hair and starting to walk up and down the room which felt like prison.

"I can't understand you y/n. What do you mean?"

"I'm going crazy okay?"you yelled. "I am losing my mind and it's all your fault. You have me between these four walls for I can't even count how long, poisoning me and turning me to someone I don't like. Did you know that I can't think of you dying in my hands anymore? That my anger has completely disappeared? That I somehow started to like you as a person? I know you are behind this so please I'm begging you to leave me alone and let me find my sanity again. I'm so confused right now" you walked around the bed like a maniac, gasping for fresh air and having Peter in shock just following your movements silent.

"Say something for fucks sake you idiot" you slapped his face harder that you thought and the sound that came to your ears was nothing but heartbreaking to you. In a matter of seconds you felt your back hitting the cold wall and your hands tied up on the top of you with webs.

"Whatat the hell Peter?"

"Just shut it okay?"you wanted to feel terror from him but the only thing that ran through your mind was how fast his mood changed and how attractive looked to you seeing him being angry for the first time."I have no idea what is into you but I can't allow you to hit me like that y/n okay? I'm trying to make it less harder for you but you are not helping. You think that this was my idea? I didn't even knew that you existed till the last few weeks. And now you're saying that I am poisoning you and turning you to someone new? This is crazy"

"But what can I believe Peter? What would you believe if you were in my shoes?"

"Honestly I don't know" he leaned with his one hand to the wall looking at you.

"Why am I here?" he raised his shoulders and ran his fingers through his curls with his head turning to the side showing off his jaw."I'm sorry for hitting you"

"You have a heavy hand"you both started laughing, till you titled your head backwards and looked at your hands tied up."You have to wait for two hours"

"What?"you opened your eyes shocked and looked at him with opened mouth."What am I supposed to do for two hours? Can you find something with a sharp end to cut it off? I can't stay like these for two hours"

"No I can't. But I can keep you busy if you want to"he smirked at you checking you from head to toe. You bit your lip for a moment thinking of what he would do to you, yet you pushed those thoughts to the side. "I'd rather stay like this for days"

"I don't believe that" he licked his lips coming closer to you. "We can have a great time you know, just the two of us, all alone" his fingers touched the side of your face and slowly moved down to your neck giving you goosebumps and turning you on. Your eyes on his, you noticed how swift they changed into a darker shade and how both started breathing heavier. "Let me make up for everything" he responded to you leaning forward to your neck, giving kisses all over it. You held your breath at his touch and closed your eyes enjoying the sensation of his mouth finding your sweet spot and attacking it. His hands found their way to your waist pulling you near his body and pressing the skin down there with his fingers. On the other hand, you pressed your nails on the inside of your palms, imagining it was Peter's hair you ran your fingers into.

He moved lower to your collarbones biting the skin there as his right hand unclipped your bra and met your breast, rubbing your sensitive nipple there at a slow tempo, his suit offering you a new kind of satisfaction. You let out a silent moan, biting your lips with your teeth fighting the need to scream his name due to pleasure he was giving you. "Like that huh?" he mumbled while looking at you and placing his hand to your other nipple playfully, having you begging him for more than that. You tried to cross one of your legs around him but he was too quick to keep it down, pinching your nipple as a punishment, still taking your breath away and getting your knees weaker, making it hard for you to stay on your feet. "Fuck" you cried out closing your eyes once more, needy for his touch and mostly for his lips against yours. But instead he left wet kisses to your chest and slowly began to getting lower and lower, teasing you every now and then with his hands at the same time you felt soaking down there more than ever with his actions.

Peter knelt down smirking at you, his brown eyes focusing on yours and his hands getting lower little by little, with your anticipation rising.

You didn't knew exactly how to feel. He was your enemy, the person you hated the most, the man that killed your own father, the kid that took everything you had in this world. Peter was the one that your heart desired to have him dead in front of you.

Now? You had him on his knees ready to send you in places you had never been before, fascinated by you and your beauty. And even though you knew that he could never 'make up for' what he done in the past or for what happened days before, you didn't say a word to stop him, on the contrary you needed to feel him, get his taste.

You felt his hands pulling down your panties and underwear, exposing your delicate area to the cold air and his sight. You felt your cheeks heating up as your breath had stuck in your lungs at the moment Peter ran his fingers to your thighs and began to sucking leaving bruises and teasing the hell out of you.

"Damn I wish I had you like this sooner" he commented with a gruff voice, sending shivers down your spine.

"I'm gonna hit you in the throat"

You gasped for air exactly when his tongue reached your clit without any warnings, your nails leaving marks on your palms while he slipped two fingers into you, moving them in and out your heat. You arched your back despaired, being all over the moon. He grabbed your legs, in an effort to keep them open for him as he enjoyed watching your frail body accepting his touch in a way he didn't expect to and hearing you whispering his name with a breathy voice.

It didn't take much time to clinch around his fingers and cum into his mouth, your chest moving up and down and your knees not being able to keep you straight. Peter sucked the last drop of you before getting back on his feet again facing you with a huge smile on his face.

"I can keep doing this all day and night y/n"

[levis-wings]

needed a little break in between reading summer rain and silent storms by @astridthevalkyrie to process the first book's ending. i thought going straight into silent storms would literally break me (like actually murder me lol)

yet, i was rendered pleasantly surprised.

i began reading silent storms during my commute to work. and lemme tell you, i haven't been wanting to go to work for a while now because it's been HECTIC (new ehr system is driving us all NUTS). i was also expecting to hold my tears in public (in fear of the angst of the ending of summer rain to bleed into silent storms' beginning). however, i spent like thirty minutes trying not to squeal with happiness and adoration, instead. it also just so happened that when i reached the first smut scene, i was still on my commute (fairly easy to hide my blush behind a mask though, thank god LOL). and by the time my commute to work finished, i was so energized by what i'd read, that i felt excited?? to walk into work??? like levi and oc's romance??? literally rejuvenated me LOL

the overall feel of silent storms, for me at least, was much lighter, fluffier than what summer rain was. don't get me wrong. it was a still massive fucking idiots to lovers, but the idiocy was adorable and tolerable. (mainly because i got to see what was going on in levi's head, which was an AMAZING touch.) i didn't wanna rip out my heart and cry at any point of the story; instead, i wanted to scream and dance with joy 99.9% of the time. i cannot emphasize HOW WELL the emotions, the feelings, the butterflies are written. i feel like i'm feeling love for the first time reading what the characters are going through and not many pieces of media can actually make me feel something

it's the way in which the thoughts are written so... realistically. you hear the characters' doubts, their wishes, their fears. you see what they hide from the other, what they pick and choose to share. you see what they secretly struggle with and what the other assumes of them. and every single one of their reactions/thoughts feels organic to me. also very true to character

[spoilers]

i think this was in chapter one. but this fucking quote:

"The tea is just as bad as last time, if not worse, but he dutifully drinks it all, as she makes herself at home in his office and starts talking his ear off about the many unhealthy effects of insomnia and why does she care why is she looking at him like that what's the matter with her why doesn't she just shut the fuck up for once why is she so pretty—"

the moment i read the latter part, my heart flew out of my chest. it's fucking adorable the way he can barely have a linear thought because he's so whipped for her. i can't even explain with words how HAPPY i was to see how he had felt through all of this

let's also talk about the fucking character development. oc out there pulling uno reverse cards. i think she's the kind of person who grows and learns from others. she takes each person's word to account AND she is aware of this (also the reason she tries to avoid telling levi about important life choices she knows he'll try to talk her out of). sometimes, her inner demons get the best of her. she's complex. (i had an inkling of this is summer rain but more of her childhood was explained in silent storms and the puzzle pieces just fit.) she likes to think that she lives for herself. degrades herself into thinking she's selfish (though honestly, there's nothing wrong with looking out for yourself). but i think it's natural for her to also look out for the people she cares for. her way of caring is listening. and taking in the information they tell her. it's just the cherry on top of her already lovable character. anyways, after understanding her character better, for a while, i suspected she'd somehow(?) try to join the scouts. i was very surprised (and supportive) of her decision to do so as well!

in summer rain, i thought she wasn't ready to be a scout yet. but clearly, she's had quite a few epiphanies and they'd led her to believe in herself. she's totally ready now

i still can't believe i went in thinking i'd fall for levi more and came out falling for the female lead help??

levi's sweet moments sprinkled throughout?? the fic?? killed me.

" 'I'm glad,' he confesses to her, 'I'm happy you didn't join the Scouts. I ... want you to be safe.' "

there are moments like this where he speaks his truth... but it's so tender, so sweet that it's just almost out of pocket. but at this point, he should just fucking say the opposite of what he wants for oc because she'll do the thing he doesn't want her to do, anyways

and listen when he said:

" 'Your mother didn't do her best,' he says honestly, 'you did.' "

i very much did cry inside. and the fact that this left oc speechless. like same, babe, same. it's these rare moments of sweetness that leave me feeling giddy. i don't expect it at all, so when it just comes out, i get so caught off guard LOL

my favorites scenes HAD to be when they had a full-on verbal fight in front of oc's date LMAO, when levi initiated their second kiss, when petra convinced oc to join the special operations squad, when levi and oc finally fucking decided to make something fucking official and then he proceeds to pull out a list of rules from nowhere. hilarious

their constant bickering and dialogue is just *chef's kiss.* never exactly read a couple with better chemistry. i'm also the type of person to like the chase but loathe the aftermath of a couple finally getting together. but fucking goddammit, with these two, i know it'll never get boring. it's also because they tend to banter a lot and i'm that bitch who ships dramione and zutara so you know i like the drama

ALSO?? ERWIN?? when i was watching aot, my friend told me she thought erwin was a 'bad' character. i asked her why she felt that way. she told me because he had no depth to his character—that he was plain. i disagreed. i think erwin (along with levi and eren) is arguably one of the most complex characters in aot, and this fic just brings it out sooooo well! there's just?? something in me?? that makes me believe erwin is SUS of levi and oc. also the fact that he remains a mystery to oc too. she's always questioning the relationship erwin has with levi and even that in it itself makes the man 10 times more enigmatic. i absolutely love it

and the smut. goodbye. i only expected one scene. i was given like... i can't even count because i can't do math when i'm excited lol. but it was much more than what i expected and i was LIVING for it. something about levi letting go of control????????? please. didn't think subby levi would be my cup of tea but i guess i was proven wrong. i'm not even mad

i forgot to say in my last review. but listen. oc liking milk makes me feel so validated. like i literally do not know a single fucking real-life person who likes drinking plain milk like me. and yes, people have poked fun at my habit. BUT SEEING OC DRINKING HER PLAIN MILK SO UNAPOLOGETICALLY. GODDAMN. plain milk drinkers rise 😩😩

but i also need levi to teach oc how to make good tea tho. like girly, you add hot water and a good amount of tea leaves 🤨 what are you getting wrong?

anyways, i've said way too much again. but i can't help but get excited when i come across such a great work of art. though i admit i'm terrified going into warmth. i don't think i'm ready to see the show's events unfolding... because when petra dies i will fucking cry. it's funny because when i first watched aot, i didn't even know who petra fucking was until AFTER she got squashed... yikes. but the more i learn about her character (in aot and in this particular setting), the more i like her

i always end up having some sort of stupid side character syndrome. in aot, i focused on levi/hange/erwin and sasha/connie/jean. and now even in a whole ass fanfiction ABOUT levi, i'm fantasizing about petra and erwin??? huh???

i hope things go well for levi and oc in the future. i'm not ready to see the shit go down in warmth though 😭

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

smptwt as of 04/07/2020

Right. You asked for it, so you shall recieve. Below the cut is probably one of the most thought-out, in-depth, hopefully unbiased (but probably not) and above all helpful accounts of what the fuck is happening in the smplive and lunch club fandoms right now. I will be covering everything I can- but in the case that I’ve forgotten something, please let me know so I can have a crack at making an update.

Before the cut, I’d just like to link my first three posts about this same topic, covering my thoughts and the events of the last couple of months of drama. It feels so strange that I’ve made so many of these, but as long as they help people, I’ll keep making them.

Part 1: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619547090403622912/the-cscoopsmptwt-drama

Part 2: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619746266158661633/more-on-smptwt-long-post

Part 3: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619886809143476225/smptwt-part-3-030620

I’d like to preface this with a huge thank you to everyone who helped me collect and compile information for this post- and those who helped censor twitter handles and edit screenshots. Without you, this post would have never been made. 

Thank you to everyone on the Cancelled Heaven discord server:  https://discord.gg/emrh2u

Now, onto the thing.

So we’ll start at the beginning with the easiest ‘drama’ (I hate calling it that) to cover. Charlie (slimecicle) tweeted on his second account and it caused a little upset. It’s not much but it feeds into a greater conversation that I think is relevant here: 

We’ll start with Charlie’s original point, then move on to the reply. Obviously, this post was poorly timed, because everyone thought it was about the Cooper (cscoop) drama, when in reality it was just a general comment. I saw a lot of replies along the lines of ‘it’s okay you can @ cscoop’ and similar things. If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know how I feel about the Cooper situation, but regardless, there are a few reasons why this is a Bad Take/poor interpretation of what Charlie said.

Charlie and Cooper are friends. They haven’t fallen out as far as we know. Charlie is left-wing, and definately doesn’t seem like the kind of person to be friends with someone who is racist/transphobic/sexist etc. So why would he be talking about Cooper in this post? 

Also, Charlie is clearly talking about people who still say slurs, not people who have said slurs in the past. This is how I read it, a jab at streamers and gamers who use ‘dark humour’ to justifty their actions. A lot of people seemed to relate this to Cooper, despite him never trying to justify his use of slurs. The people who did try to justify his actions this way were fans, not the man himself. So again, this post doesn’t relate to Cooper.

On to the reply, which sparks a different conversation all together. While I see where the commenter is coming from, and agree with them to an extent, Charlie is allowed to have his own opinion on the matter. And he is right. Using insulting language against heterosexual people does create a larger divide and doesn’t get anyone on our ‘side’. It just makes us look immature and causes a lot of straight cis people to assume that we hate them. 

On the other hand, I do think that saying things like ‘disgusting hets’ can be a funny joke if you are saying it to your friends who don’t have any issue with it. You probably shouldn’t get into the habit of saying things like that though, just in case you actually hurt someone with your words. Both sides of the argument have pros and cons, so anyone angry at Charlie for his opinion really have no reason to be.

Charlie’s reponse to this comment was reasonable, responsible, and mature, and he is clearly showing that he understands the concerns of his audience. This is all I’ll say about Charlie in this post. Honestly, he’s generally unproblematic and ‘safe’ to keep watching, if you enjoy a very drama-free environment. Have fun!

Now I’ll move on to Ted. He’s made some great points recently about cancel culture which I strongly agree with. Here’s his first tweets:

I don’t have much to add here, this is perfectly valid in my opinion- though I feel like sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by the people they follow. For example, if someone follows Trump, Ben Shapiro, and a bunch of right-wing youtubers, they probably agree with a lot of the things they say. But I think the point Ted is trying to make is that he shouldn’t be harassed about drama his friends fall into. If he isn’t involved, leave him out of it. 

Next we’ll take a look at his tweets on stans, probably sparked by the drama with Carson, which I will be talking about later. 

Again, I have no issue with what Ted is saying here. His idea is a good one, and a fun way to distinguish casual fans from people who create art, content, and (appropriate) fanfiction for the ‘flandom’! 

Basically, how I see it, is that a ‘fan’ is a casual viewer who doesn’t really get involved in the flandom, maybe posting about smplive and/or lunch club occasionally, but not being too involved. A ‘flan’ is someone who interracts a lot, creates art and fiction that respects boundaries, and posts more about the boys than a casual fan does. A ‘stan’ is a stalker-fan, creepy and obsessive, too invested, maybe creates art and fiction that crosses boundaries, and obsessively posts about the boys.

I think this new terminology is really cool and Ted is smart for coming up with it (also, probably hungry when coming up with it too). I think that the term ‘stan’ should be thrown out and used to describe the ‘bad’ side of fandoms. There is a risk that people will hide behind the term ‘flan’ to disguise the fact that they are a stan, but this is still a good step foward. 

But you’re not here to listen to me ramble about Ted or Charlie. You’re here for Carson. So let’s get on with it.

Carson made a series of tweets talking about stans, much like Ted did later. He seemed tired of stans harassing him about his friends, a sentiment shared by Ted (who faced very minimal backlash over his tweets). Here’s what he said:

Which is something I fully agree with. For big content creators like Carson and his friends, stan culture is absolutely insane. Recently they’ve been trying to ‘catch out’ many people who are part of smplive and/or lunch club, most obviously with Cooper and Schlatt but I’ve seen the others getting ‘called out’ too. Carson’s anti-stan stance is well-known in the flandom (yes I am using that word get used to it) so these tweets didn’t surprise me. 

For some reason stans seem to think that if one creator is okay with their behaviour, every other creator is too. This is not the case. Carson was within his full right to say these things about stans.

Obviously the replies got out of hand. People became horribly angry very quickly, and clearly Carson had already had enough because pretty soon he started blocking stan accounts- which only made them more mad.

Of course, there were supporters and anti-stan comments out there too, such as this fun exchange:

But a whole lot of people got angry. Carson was trending for a while, too, after he started blocking stans. Unfortunately some people did get wrongfully blocked, which sucks, sure, but use of an alt account or logging off of twitter can solve that problem (this can also be said for stan accounts. Carson didn’t stop any of them from viewing his content, just blocked them so that he didn’t have to see their tweets).

Carson did this for his own mental health. After a long conversation with older people who have been in fandoms for decades, I can tell you that being at the top is always hell. New threads created about you every day, friends you can’t trust, and people giving you shit for things other people said. I can’t imagine how someone as popular as Carson has dealt with this for so long.

People who were blocked started to claim that they were having panic attacks, that they hyperfixate so they can’t help being obsessive, and that Carson doesn’t care about mental health for these reasons. They said some pretty toxic and manipulative things and a lot of people clearly didn’t know what they were talking about:

First of all, these comments on the Katerino and Fitz situation are honestly disgusting. These people are only proving Carson’s point that stans will be super supportive one second and turn around to hate you the next. To bring up something like this, something completely unrelated and highly personal- knowing Carson will see- is disgraceful. To speculate about a relationship that Carson has explicitly stated he doesn’t want people to speculate about just to try and make a point? Horrible.

A lot of stans seem to have this ‘we made you famous so we dictate how you feel’ mentality, which I hate. Exactly as the reply says, they sound like toxic parents with these words. To think you deserve ‘respect’ from someone after accusing their friends of horrible things and harassing them to the point that they block you is so manipulative and quite frankly cruel.

Again, Carson has the right to block anyone he wants. Creators are not your friends, they are entertainment. If you are making them upset and harassing them, you shouldn’t get mad when they block you. 

Listen. It can be tough, finding out that someone you look up to has blocked you. Yes, I’m sure people had a not-so-nice time with their mental health when it happened to them. But in most cases, they were blocked for a reason. Some people were even literally asking to get blocked and then got mad when they did. But again, no one has been barred from viewing Carson’s content. He simply blocked people who he didn’t want to see in his comments section.

You have freedom of speech, but you don’t have freedom from consequence. If you say something that hurts someone else, you’re not always going to be free from their judgement. 

Carson has been very open about his own struggles with depression and imposter syndrome recently, and people are viewing his actions as... hypocritical? This is flawed logic. Carson blocked stans because they were bad for his mental health, the fact that some claim to have had ‘panic attacks’ as a result is not on him. He has the autonomy to block who he wants to block. 

Wilbur Soot made some comments about the situation, which can be found in this video from 7 minutes 30 seconds in, and goes until 10 minutes and 11 seconds in:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/667971714

What Wilbur says here is completely understandable. He doesn’t have a problem with stans, but doesn’t speak for anyone but himself. Just because one person is okay with something doesn’t mean someone else is, too. 

Also, a lot of people think that it’s okay to hate on someone like Carson or Schlatt, then turn around and stan Wilbur, which is kind of fucked up, because they’re friends in real life. How would you feel if someone was super nice to you, then turned around and harassed your friends?

A lot of people claimed to have ‘hyperfixations’ on Carson or lunch club, which they used as an excuse to be obsessive and creepy. This is bullshit, but someone else explained it a lot better than I could:

And I absolutely agree with this. You cannot use neurodivergence to explain away your creepiness. That’s just offensive to people who do hyperfixate, and leads to even more problems and misunderstandings.

Carson did a stream much later where he talked about all of these things, and boy did that go well (not). Here is a clip of him talking about hyperfixations:

https://m.twitch.tv/clip/SuaveBlushingDotterelBCWarrior

Now, here’s where my support for Carson falters. He should have done more research on what hyperfixations really are before he said things about them. He hurt some people with what he said, and just saying he’s uneducated on the topic isn’t really an excuse.

HOWEVER. Carson was given very little time to research (about 24 hours between his original tweets and his stream) and, more importantly, it is very obvious that the use of the term ‘hyperfixation’ has been warped and manipulated by stans who are misusing the term to excuse their behaviour. Carson probably saw stans using it and assumed it was something synonomous with ‘obsessions’.

What he said was poorly worded, but the point he was making is the same as the (much more researched and informative) tweet above. Anyone getting mad that he is somehow ‘invalidating mental health or autism’ with his comments clearly don’t understand the point he was trying to make in the first place.

And here’s a clip of Connor talking about it, too, as well as defending Carson’s right to block people as he wishes:

https://www.twitch.tv/connoreatspants/clip/YummySlickPlumageSpicyBoy

https://www.twitch.tv/connoreatspants/clip/JazzySpotlessMelonMoreCowbell

What he said here is completely valid, a little poorly worded in the same way as Carson’s statement, but overall something I stand behind.

Some people are claiming that Carson is being manipulative or ‘gaslighting’ fans and stans:

Carson is not against fans who create cool stuff for him and his friends. He is against the people who harass him, accuse his friends of horrible things, and try to look for every little thing they’ve said and done wrong. This is what he said, and people got mad at him for it, and so he blocked them. That is it. There is no gaslighting. There is no manipulation. I’ve seen much more manipulative things coming from the stans’ side of things.

Now we move on to Noah’s reply to Carson’s tweet. Which, yes, caused a whole new can of worms to be opened.

Now, for those like me who have trouble figuring out Noah’s way of speaking, let me translate: ‘stans are insecure people who start to feel entitled because they’ve started to view a streamer they like as a friend/someone who shares their pain.’ 

For those of you who don’t know, this is what ‘don’t negotiate with terrorists’ means:

However, almost predictably, stans saw the word ‘terrorist’ and lost their goddamn minds. That, coupled with the complicated phrasing of Noah’s words, caused a lot of stans to freak out.

This conversation is full of Bad Takes, but my main issue is that they are trying to diagnose Noah with an actual mental illness. That is not only offensive to people who have that illness (especially calling him ‘insane’ in the same sentence, as well as implying that having said illness makes you a bad person) but is also highly hypocritical since so many stans claimed to all be neurodivergent themselves. 

Also, 90% of his fans aren’t stans. They’re mostly fans or flans. You are a loud minority. You aren’t as powerful as you think you are. Noah even started to retweet hate comments, that’s how few shits he gave. He also shows that he is concerned about people making things up about him, which is understandable.

Plus he outright said that stans are not fans of him, which in most cases, they’re not. Noah’s content isn’t as widely watched as some of his friends’ stuff, and a lot of stans don’t watch his streams.

But anyway, here’s one good take I saw floating around:

After this, before his stream, Carson deleted his original tweets and spent some time with his family, which was a sensible and mature thing to do at this point. 

During Carson’s stream, someone notified him that his ‘fans’ had started to doxx stans. Here is his reaction:

https://m.twitch.tv/callmecarsonlive/clip/SpicySassyGerbilArgieB8

A lot of people got mad that he didn’t do more to stop the doxxings, but I want to raise the question: what was he supposed to do? He can’t control his ‘fans’ (another breed of stans who don’t call themselves stans were doing the doxxings, to be honest) and he said not to do it. He was streaming, he didn’t know how serious it was or even if it was true, at that moment, what was he supposed to do?

It did get serious. People I know were doxxed. Anyone posting anything (positive or negative) about lunch club, smplive, and Carson were in danger. It was not fake like some people claimed. The twt handles in this post are blurred out because of the doxxing threats. I am making this post at my own risk, but I do feel that tumblr is safer than twitter at the moment.

This being said, it is in no way Carson’s fault how out of hand this has become. He has been against doxxing in the past and his sentiments haven’t changed. He has said more about the doxxings in replies to tweets such as this one:

Also, here’s what the mods on Carson’s discord server had to say about the situation. They’ve clearly talked about this with Carson, and are strongly against anyone who is doxxing these people (especially since a lot of the people being doxxed are minors).

A similar sentiment was shared on Ted’s discord server:

Here is what ItsAsaii had to say:

So that’s basically where everything stands right now. If you want an even fuller update on everything, check out Carson’s stream ‘afternoon fellas and fellettes’ where he talks about everything.

Here’s the last tweets I have from Carson regarding the whole situation:

And I agree fully with what he has said. And again, Carson doesn’t owe stans anything. Just like what was said here, he had subs and fans before he had stans, they did not ‘make’ him, and they cannot control him.

This is all I have to say, for now. If I have missed anything or you’d like me to cover anything else, please let me know. If I have hugely missed the mark and said something super wrong/offensive, let me know. If you’d like me to talk about a streamer or youtuber not related to lunch club, throw me a DM or an ask and I’ll try to compile some things, even if I don’t watch their content or know who they are.

If you’d like up-to-date information about drama in smptwt, streamers, and youtubers, join the Cancelled Heaven discord server- which I linked at the start of the post. 

I thank you all for reading, and suggest that you reblog this so that as many people as possible can see it. If you want to risk it, go ahead and link this post in a tweet or something, but please do be careful. 

For some ‘extra reading’ (watching) I highly recommend Contrapoints’ video on cancel culture: https://youtu.be/OjMPJVmXxV8

And Philosophy Tube’s video on artists and fandoms, there’s some really insightful things about parasocial relationships: https://youtu.be/3IG0Y63LkDM

Lots of love, and have a great day <3