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ewanmitchellcrumbs · 1 year ago

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Sweeter Than This

Pairing: Billy Taylor (The Halcyon) x f!reader Warnings: Mentions of war and rationing, sexual inexperience, oral sex (f receiving), smut. Word count: ~3.1k

Summary: When Billy gifts her an orange, almost impossible to come by due to lack of exportation and rationing, he decides he wants to taste something sweeter than fruit. Based on this request.

Author's note: For @notasockpuppetaccount. No tag list - please follow @fics-by-ewanmitchellcrumbs and turn on post notifications. Community labels are for cops.

She sits down heavily on a chair in the staff quarters, sighing in relief at the rest she is finally able to give her aching feet and back.

It’s her first day at The Halcyon, one of London’s most prestigious hotels. Money has been tight at home since her father was drafted, and she’d enquired about work just about everywhere she could think of, in order to help her mother make ends meet.

She’d been surprised when The Halcyon had offered her a job as a maid, she had no prior experience and was certain they’d reject her. However, she supposes that in the midst of a war, beggars can’t be choosers, and they are likely as desperate as she is.

Her morning has been spent helping out Kate, a firm but friendly Irish girl, who has taught her how to turn down a bed and scrub a toilet until it gleams white and shiny again. It’s tiring work, the maze of rooms on every floor feels endless, and between being scolded for wrinkled sheets and improperly folded towels she is exhausted, grateful to retreat to the back room once she’s told she can take her lunch break.

Unwrapping the wax paper on the sandwich she’d packed earlier that morning, she wrinkles her nose in disgust. It no longer seems as appetising now that it’s been left to sit in her bag for hours.

She looks up as the door creaks open, a tall, young lad in a bell boy’s uniform walks in. He offers her a tight lipped smile by way of greeting, cheeks turning slightly pink as he moves to retrieve his own sandwich.

“You on your lunch as well?” She asks warmly. Having only spoken properly to Kate so far, she is eager to make friends.

“Yeah,” he says, gesturing towards the empty seat opposite hers at the table, “you mind if I, er…?”

“No, sit down,” she tells him, watching intently as he takes a seat and starts to unwrap his own food.

“Not seen you before,” he comments, looking up at her.

“First day,” she fiddles with the wax paper of her lunch, “I’m knackered.”

“Don’t I know it,” he says, loosening his cap and placing it upon the table. “Lost a guest’s dog this morning. Bloody thing slipped the lead when I tried to walk it.”

Her eyes widen in surprise, but she is unable to stifle the giggle that escapes her. At least someone is having a worse day than she is. “And I thought I had it bad scrubbing toilets.”

“You not eating that then?” He says, nodding towards her sandwich before taking a bite of his own.

She grimaces. “Fish paste. Not sure I can stomach it.”

He nods, talking around a mouthful of food, a habit she would ordinarily find disgusting, but she finds it doesn’t offend her when he does it. “Spam in mine. Mum makes ‘em. Same thing every day.” He swallows before he speaks again, with a slight raise of his eyebrows. “Tell you what, give me half of yours, I’ll give you half of mine. Less boring that way.”

“Yeah, alright,” she grins, sliding hers across to him. She watches as he takes half and then places the remaining part of his in the empty space.

“I’m Billy, by the way,” he tells her, the tips of his ears reddening, suddenly shy again.

“Thanks for the sandwich, Billy,” she says softly, before telling him her name.

They eat their lunch in comfortable silence, until finally it’s time to get back to work.

In the week that follows, her and Billy have lunch together every day, swapping sandwich halves and chatting about their days. The work is hard, but knowing she has a friend gives her something to look forward to, and she finds herself excited to go to work each day.

They talk about anything and everything, their hour-long break always feeling like it evaporates all too quickly. She tells him all about her dad fighting overseas against the Germans, and how she took her job at the Halcyon to bring home extra money for her mum, who’s currently doing factory work for the same reason. Billy tells her that he’ll be eighteen soon, and can’t wait to be drafted. His mum, Peggy, operates the switchboard at the hotel, his dad isn’t around anymore, so she relies on his help to look after his little sister, who he affectionately refers to as “the squirt”.

Shared lunch breaks evolve into after hours games of poker with the rest of the Halcyon staff. They crowd into the back room, sitting around the same table that her and Billy share lunch at, and play for cigarettes.

She feels her skin grow hot as their knees brush together, unable to help the smile that tugs at her lips as she watches Billy’s brow furrow in confusion as he looks over his cards, a lit cigarette perched between his lips.

“You’re smoking your stake, Billy,” she says with a soft chuckle.

He looks sheepishly at her, plucking the cigarette from between his lips, before throwing his cards down onto the table with a sigh. “Doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve got all Jacks.”

“Billy!” Everyone groans around the table in frustration, chucking their own cards down.

She laughs heartily. He might have ruined the game, but it’s impossible to be angry at him when his big blue eyes go wide and his lips part in shock.

Billy looks adorable when he’s worried, and it’s an expression he wears often; when he accidentally drops guests’ luggage down the stairs, the time he shuts a lady’s skirt in the lift doors, and especially when she leads him to the scullery, telling him there’s a surprise for him.

His concern quickly morphs into one of his trademark, tight smiles that indicate he’s feeling bashful, as head chef, George, flanked by the rest of the kitchen staff, carries out an enormous birthday cake lit with candles.

“You didn’t think you could hide it from us, did you, Billy?” George jokes, once the obligatory “happy birthday” song has been sung. “Eighteen today!”

She has her first taste of Champagne that day, each member of staff is given a class to toast to Billy. The bubbles tickle her nose, the taste is dry but not unpleasant upon her palate, yet it does nothing to dilute the bitterness that blooms heavy in her chest.

Billy’s turned eighteen, he’ll be drafted any day now and she’ll lose her best friend. No more shared sandwiches, no more ruined games of poker, no more stolen moments in the housekeeping closet where they laugh uncontrollably over stupid jokes. She’s going to lose Billy, just as she’s lost her dad to this stupid war.

Her heartache is given a brief moment of respite when she looks over at him, also indulging in his first taste of Champagne, and sees the way his face contorts in disgust at the taste. He’s always able to make her smile, even when she doesn’t want to.

It’s only a week later that Billy’s letter arrives. Due to Peggy’s meddling, he won’t be going overseas, he’ll be stationed at the nearby army barracks helping to man the anti aircraft guns. She is secretly pleased that he won’t be too far away, despite his annoyance at his mum’s interference. She feels she could kiss Peggy, such is the depth of her gratitude for what she’s done, but she does her best to hide how pleased she is, comforting Billy, saying how sorry she is for him.

“Cheer up, it might never happen,” he says with a soft smile, as they stand in the hotel foyer. Billy wears his day clothes, having handed his uniform in at the end of his final shift at The Halcyon.

“Already has,” she replies sadly, her heart twinging as she looks up into the big, blue eyes she’s grown to adore.

“How d’you mean?” He asks, frowning slightly.

“You, going off to war,” she sighs, “I won’t see you again.”

“Don’t be daft,” he chuckles, “I’ll only be down the road.”

“You won’t have time for me, Billy.”

He swallows, averting his gaze briefly before meeting her eye once more. “I don’t like fish paste.”

“What?” She asks, squinting slightly, confused.

“I’ve spent the last six months eating fish paste sarnies, just so I’d have an excuse to spend my lunch break with you. Fish paste is disgusting, if I can stomach that then it’ll take more than a stupid war to keep me away from you.”

Her heart flutters, her vision turning misty as a wide smile spreads its way across her features. “Oh, Billy…” she whispers.

Her fingers flex uselessly at her sides, desperate to reach out to him, and she sees his do the same. An opposing, invisible force hangs heavy between them, filled with unspoken declarations, drawing them together and yet pushing them apart simultaneously, until finally they collide in a tight, all encompassing hug.

He smells of Brylcreem and tobacco, and she inhales deeply, committing his scent to memory. She doesn’t want to let go, yet she does, she has to.

Adjusting to life at The Halcyon without Billy around is difficult. Lunch breaks feel empty and lifeless, the poker nights are not the same.

Billy still visits, though his presence is not as frequent as it was before. He’s usually accompanied by his little sister, carrying her into the hotel on piggyback before going to see Peggy in the switchboard room.

To her delight, he makes a point of seeking her out each time. He looks handsome in his uniform, filled with a confidence he didn’t have before. Animatedly, he tells her all about the anti aircraft guns, enthusiastically mimicking the sounds they make, causing her to laugh.

On her eighteenth birthday, Billy turns up at the hotel, looking dapper as ever in his khaki green trousers and jacket. He pulls her into the housekeeping cupboard, shifting the bag he has on his shoulder awkwardly.

“Happy birthday,” he says to her, almost nervous sounding, “got you something.”

She gasps, as he produces a large orange from his bag, handing it to her. The skin is firm in her hands. It’s been a long time since she’s had any fruit that isn’t mock banana; rationing and the lack of imports due to the war mean that it’s produce that’s hard to come by. The hotel’s chief concierge routinely has to decline the requests of high profile guests that request fresh fruit as part of their room service. She turns the orange around in her hands looking at it reverently.

“Where did you get this?” She stares up at him, wide-eyed. “Not even Feldman can get oranges!”

Billy shrugs, blushing slightly. “Oh, y’know, I’ve got my ways.”

“Thank you, Billy,” she says, voice filled with soft sincerity. An idea strikes her, excitement swirling in her stomach. “We should share it!”

“Really?” He asks hopefully.

“Yeah, unless…” she deflates as realisation of how busy he is now hits her, “you probably can’t get away, it’s a silly idea.” She shakes her head, embarrassment warming her flesh.

He steps forward, eager to reassure her. “No, I’ve got time, I can make time. I’ll come back tomorrow?”

She looks up at him, smiling brightly. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

He nods, half turning towards the door. “Well, I should probably–”

“Billy?” She calls to him and he turns back, a look of question on his face, eyebrows raised slightly.

She surges forward, pressing her lips firmly against his cheek, kissing it, before she quickly pulls away again.

For a moment it looks as though Billy has stopped breathing as she watches him, her heart pounding in her chest. Finally, he exhales deeply, his face blushing bright red. He grins and she smiles back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Billy.”

“Yeah…yeah, tomorrow,” he says, adjusting his bag on his shoulder again, before slipping out of the closet door.

He stays true to his promise and the following day they go to the back room, the same place where they have shared so many lunches. This time they sit beside each other, instead of on opposite sides of the table.

Carefully, she slices the orange into segments, giving half to Billy.

The fruit is fleshy and sweet as she bites into it, the tartness of the citrus causing her to emit a satisfied hum as she chews and swallows it.

She looks over at Billy, huffing a laugh as she watches the way the juice drips down his chin.

He looks back, frowning slightly. “What?”

“Come here, you’ve got…” she leans over, wiping the orange residue away with her thumb. Her movements slow, her hand lingering against his face as her eyes settle upon his.

It feels like time stops as their gaze locks, her breath catches in her throat. She is unsure of who moves first, but their lips are against each other, moving slowly at first, filled with uncertainty and inexperience.

He tastes sweet, and their mouths move with more enthusiasm, both able to taste orange upon each other.

They keep their foreheads pressed together once they part for air, both smiling softly.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I met you,” he whispers.

Their relationship shifts from that moment. Billy is unable to take her on dates, can’t bring her flowers, his time at the barracks doesn’t allow for that. They have only a series of stolen moments in the hotel to share, sneaking into rooms which have yet to be made up to spend time together.

It is all sweet kisses and warm cuddles, neither one of them ready to take the steps that go beyond that yet.

She lays against Billy’s chest on the unmade bed, his arm wrapped around her as the other moves his hand through her hair, stroking it. “Hate that I can’t take you out anywhere fancy,” he murmurs.

“I don’t need any of that,” she reassures him, “just you coming back to me alive is enough.”

“You deserve that though,” he insists, hugging her tighter to him, “when this war is over, I’m gonna take you out for dinner. We’ll get married, and we’ll have a house and fill it full of kids.”

Her chest fills with warmth as she grins up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says, eyes soft and filled with fondness as he looks at her, “because…well, because I love you.”

Her grin grows wider and she kisses him deeply, feeling the way the skin of his face flushes beneath her fingertips.

“I love you too,” she whispers as she pulls away.

Their dynamic shifts again after that, their cosy stolen mornings become more heated, their kisses more impassioned, every touch is charged with intent.

Where she felt uncertain and scared of what lies beyond innocent kissing before, she now feels only desire for Billy, but isn’t sure of how to communicate this with him.

He pulls away from her as they share a passionate embrace, trailing kisses over her neck. “Can I try something with you?” He whispers.

“What is it?” She asks, whining softly as he pulls away from her.

“Something that one of the lads at the barracks told me about,” he says, not meeting her eye, “it’s how he pleases his missus, thought you might like it.”

She laughs softly, nervously. “Okay, but what is it?”

He swallows thickly, turning scarlet. “Can I just show you? I’m embarrassed to say.”

She nods, eager to see what he’ll do.

“Lay back for me,” he instructs, and she does, watching him through hooded eyes.

Tentatively, he moves down the messy hotel bed, pushing the skirt of her maid’s uniform above her hips, revealing her knickers and stockings. He bites his lip at the sight, never having seen her in such a state of undress before.

She gasps, her eyes going wide, sudden fear filling her. “Billy, we can’t–”

“No, not that,” he’s quick to reassure her, “not until we’re…you’re ready.”

She breathes a sigh of relief, relaxing slightly.

“But…” his eyes flit up to hers, filled with uncertainty, “I do need to take your underwear off. Is that alright?”

She gulps. She’s scared, but also curious and excited, she wants to experience whatever it is that Billy has asked to try. “Yeah,” she says quietly, “yeah, that’s alright.”

Gently and slowly, his nimble fingers drag her knickers away from her body and down her legs, discarding them at the end of the bed.

She has the sudden urge to hide her face as he takes in the sight of her, pupils wide with lust. She is torn between wanting to look away and the desire to watch exactly what he’s doing as he carefully coaxes her legs apart.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he murmurs, “I-I’ve never done this before.”

She gasps as she feels his tongue move against her, hesitantly exploring her folds. The motion of his mouth between her legs is unsure at first, but as his tongue flicks over her pearl and she lets out a surprised moan of pleasure, Billy grows more confident.

He repeats the motion, causing her to squirm and mewl. It feels so intimate, she wants to pull away, filled with shame, to tell him it’s dirty and they shouldn’t be doing this, but at the same time, every time his tongue moves against that particular spot she never wants him to stop.

“God, you taste good,” he mumbles against her.

The movement of his tongue becomes more certain, determined and he laves at her, flicking against the spot that causes her to whimper and grip the bed sheets tightly.

She can feel a pressure building within her, intensifying with every sweep of Billy’s tongue, until finally as he groans against her, circling her bud once more, it reaches its apex and she shudders against him with a surprised cry, feeling boneless as warmth washes over her like the lapping waves of the sea.

“Oh, my god, Billy…'' She breathes heavily.

He lifts his face from between her thighs, a smile on his face, his chin coated in her juices just as it was when they’d shared the orange. She can��t resist the urge to tug him up towards her, kissing him hungrily.

They giggle against each other's lips, both of them breathless.

“I…er…need to clean myself up before I head back,” he tells her, his mouth forming a tight smile, the telltale sign of his shyness that she’s grown to love.

She follows his line of sight to the wet patch on the crotch of his uniform trousers and they both erupt into uncontrollable laughs.

Oh, Billy.

Part two | Series masterlist

#billy taylor #ewan mitchell #the halcyon #billy taylor x reader #billy taylor x y/n #billy taylor x you #billy taylor imagine #billy taylor smut #billy taylor fan fiction #billy taylor fanfiction #billy taylor fan fic #billy taylor fanfic #the halcyon fan fiction #the halcyon fanfiction #the halcyon fan fic #the halcyon fanfic #billy taylor the halcyon

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cambion-companion · 1 year ago

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Hey. Hey. Hey there, pretty miss.

A RaphaelxTav prompt, if you're feeling up to it. We usually have Raph as the suave, sexy, giant devil. Scenario is up to you, but. Tav just gives him a little smooch. Doesn't even think of it, they're just used to travelling with their friends and all those horny freaks are touchy by default. How does the lad react? (I'm real bad at this, I'm sorry).

HI DARLING!

Thank you for indulging me and sending over a lil prompt, I appreciate you!!

I am totally open for more prompts, if I receive none I will still write more drabbles. This one is short, but to the, ehm, point hehe

It was a combination of the wine and the sleep deprivation…and the Illithid parasite writhing in your head. You were so used to the company of friends such as Astarion or Karlach, so easy to lose your social decorum with.

You quickly pressed your lips to the side of his head, only realizing your blunder when sharp claws bit into the skin of your jaw, Raphael’s burning eyes suddenly all-too-sharp upon your blushing face.

“And just what…” His voice was a deadly purr. “…gave you the impression I’d welcome such a gesture?”

It took several tense moments for your throat muscles to relax enough for the words to come out. The amount of his red wine you’d imbibed was not helping. “I…sorry, Raph.”

Raphael’s already arched brow raised even higher, his initial anger giving way to amusement. “My, if I’d known we had become so familiar I would’ve taken far greater liberties with you.”

“Such as?” You met his challenge with a tipsy grin and your eyes roved over his cambion form, so much larger than yourself.

His hand tightened as you admired him: Ridged horns so much like an arching crown gleaming darkly in the dancing firelight casting shadows that accentuated his sharp features. His broad sweeping wings illuminated and slowly spreading, growing with the devious smile tugging up his lips.

“Such as…acts of such heat that would leave you crawling back to me, begging to sign your very soul over to experience again.” Raphael lent down; your noses brushed. You closed your eyes. His hand tightened on your chin. “However, I like my playthings fully cognizant, able to feel the delicious intermingling of pain and pleasure.”

Your eyes snapped back open, hazing before finally refocusing on his tight smile just as he released you and stepped back. His flaming eyes roved your form once. “Now, get thee hence ere I regret my restraint.”

#raphael bg3 #baldurs gate 3 drabble #raphael x tav #raphael x reader #raphael baldur's gate 3 #bg3 drabble

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chuluoyi · 21 days ago

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chu chu! do you know there's a lads boycott by some players because they want more content for sylus? :((( it turned out into such a mess on x and lads official acc doesn't even respond it...

*sigh* ofc the official account won’t give any reply— what should they reply with anyway? an official apology? why would they? 😐

you see, i’m a firm believer of “to each their own” mindset, and i honestly don’t care about any discourse happening in a platform as chaotic as twitter. if they want to boycott the game then so be it—it’s not my business at all. but if asked for an opinion, tbh i think some people just love to stir drama in this fandom. i’ve seen other discourses like “why caleb gets intimate with mc upon getting released whereas sylus doesn’t in his first cards” like ??? ofc mc will be bc caleb is her brotherly childhood friend? whereas sylus and mc’s first meeting is her pointing a gun at him?

and i’ve seen some who said that the slowburn between sylus and mc doesn’t excuse the lack of content— i think this is just blown out of proportion bc personally i don’t think we’re lacking content that much? except for the photobooth background, but isn’t it quite minor? i don’t know tho, maybe there are other things i miss but based on my gaming experience, everything is still satisfying so far. maybe if we don’t obsess over the game so much and envy other LI’s storyline, those kind of “lack of content” thoughts won’t ever pop up in our minds

each LI has their own story path and development with mc. we haven’t even seen caleb’s myth but some people have concluded that sylus’ first myth is so bad just bc there’s no “intimate” scenes like caleb and mc have in his teaser like honestly… what do you expect? sylus and mc started off on bad terms, how does it make sense that they’ll be kissing and banging each other in their first myth? and what’s more, it makes no sense to covet caleb’s storyline for sylus 🤦🏻‍♀️

let’s be real, some of them are just obsessed with the “intimate” scenes—they don’t care about the story progression at all. the evidence is how nightly rendezvous banner’s revenue is skyrocketing right now

#📨 — mailbox #tw discourse #<- just in case #this fandom is getting more and more like jjk fandom each day *sigh*#i miss the days when the fandom is such a quiet place 😔

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aldryrththerainbowheart · 1 month ago

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My thoughts regarding MC in LADS game

Note: Like I said in the title, these are purely my opinions and interpretations. Also, a warning for spoilers below the cut.

So I've just started playing Love and Deepspace for two months, I think, and I overall like the story. There's just one thing that doesn't sit well with me regarding the MC/the player/us, if you will, and that's her personality.

I know LADS is mainly a dating sim, so it's more cutesy and romantic, even if it's action sci-fi with more focus on combat (which I love). But the MC has a pretty traumatic past, and even throughout the main story, she has it quite rough.

During her childhood, MC went through a world-changing apocalyptic event. She was one of the few who survived, and through the flashbacks, we can see it was incredibly harrowing. On top of that, she was basically an unwilling lab rat in illegal and dangerous experiments and had some out-of-space substance jammed into her chest Tony Stark style. These events impact her so powerfully that later she joins an elite military organization for hunting monsters from out of space. (I haven't been in the military but I can imagine it's not a walk in the park.) Because she's the main character, her Evol is super rare of course, but it works only in combination with other people's Evols, rendering her Evol useless on itself. Does she ever feel insecure about her Evol? Does she have an inferiority complex because she can only feel useful with a partner and never by herself? As if that wouldn't be enough, throughout the story she watched the last members of her family being blown to pieces. And that's only how far I've gotten in the story.

Since it's a first-person immersive game, I obviously pondered how I would handle all the situations I've encountered. I would definitely suffer a severe PTSD and perhaps even depression. Even though we are told the Aether core is mostly stable, we still visit for regular checkups at the doctor. The Aether core probably causes chronic pain to us, and Protocore-enhanced heart arrhythmia. So mentally and physically straining job like Deepspace Hunter is probably the best choice, right? And yet we as MCs throw ourselves into every dangerous situation, perhaps because we're protagonists and the Lads need to save and have all these cutesy moments with us, but maybe also because our trauma gave us self-destructive tendencies, MC pulls all these dangerous stunts because, deep down, she wants to die. Let's not forget that she has one of the most dangerous and life-threatening professions in that universe. (I wish we could give our character scars and muscle in the Avatar designing part) If it were me, I'd probably be a substance abuser too. To numb me from the things I've experienced plus all the things I see on the job daily. (The game leaves this out, but think civilians getting killed daily, your colleagues dying, or being horrifically maimed by the Wanderers. Another reason not to get attached to anyone.)

And all that escalates when MC loses her only remaining family and her childhood best friend. This brings me to another point: MC and her relationships, and how this affects her stance on intimacy. The trauma could make her bad at bonding socially with others. It seems to me her only friends are Caleb and Yvonne if we leave out the Lads. After the incident with Caleb and her Grandma, I would push people away purposefully because I would assume that being associated with me would ultimately cause you to die a horrible death. Perhaps it's projection but all of these things would make MC deathly afraid of intimacy and letting someone close, even acting like a jerk on purpose to scare people off and generally keeping to herself.

(but Aldryyyyyyrth, that would make the romance hardeeeer! Yes, yes it would, but that's the fun of it no?)

#love and deepspace #lnds mc #lnds

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portgasmalia · 2 years ago

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daddy's favourite, rafe cameron pairing: rafe cameron & female reader summary: the kook princess, the good girl everybody thinks you are but rafe sees a different side. warnings: smut ahead! minor's don't read, please.

escaping the difficult situations at home was easy when the library was just around the corner. a good fantasy book always gave you comfort and enough time to blend out the constant arguments at home. being the kook princess seemed so easy from the outside, but keeping up the image was the opposite.

a book about the disparate historical events connected to the island in your hands, a certain page opened. the gold, you heard the pogues talk about, mentioned in multiple sentences. an amount that would buy you freedom from the tight restraints of being the golden child.

yet, your lids fell close for merely a second. teeth chewing harshly on the soft skin of your bottom lip, almost tearing it apart underneath the intensity of the bites. head fell back against the wooden shelves, the sound of the collision not bothering you at all.

no one ever made it to the section in the far left corner. dusty books waited to be read again after years, at least pulled out of the spiderwebs and tight space in the shelf. one of your hands left the leather book, reaching down.

delicate fingers brushed over the short strands on rafe's head, the buzzcut being a completely new experience for you. still, it fit the kind of reputation he had around figure eight. your skirt bunched up around the waist, one large hand placed underneath your right thigh to hold up the leg while two fleshy fingers of his left hand were deeply inside of your pussy.

pumping them in and out, rafe flattened his tongue against your bundle of nerves. there was no need to deny that the cameron lad knew exactly how to satisfy your needs. he gathered tons of experience around figure eight, it was no secret how much he loved women and sex. maybe, in combination with a little coke for his nostrils and an expensive whiskey for his throat.

tonight, on the other hand, he almost seemed sober. the dark corner in the library, the place that the citizens of figure eight ignored, it became your little hiding spot. as the daughter of a very influential man, almost like rafe with his father, the gazes anchored on what you were doing and with whom. rafe’s image around the north side and even the south side labeled him as a bad company.

“stop thinking. focus on me, babygirl.” he whispered, his warm breath fanning over your in wetness covered clit. a whimper coaxed out of the dry throat, you closed the book and focused on him as requested. the leg in his tight grip, placed over his shoulder, you allowed rafe to occupy his right hand differently. and he accepted the invitation without overthinking.

slowly, he leaned back to examine the image in front of him. rough fingertips grazed over your clit, while his fingers slowed down. „rafe, don’t stop, please.“ you begged, when the movement of his digits halted. just the fingertips left inside of your pussy, he tilted his head back to look at your flushed face. a tint of red spread across your cheeks, your bottom lip cracked open slightly from the assault of your teeth.

and he could not deny, that the scenario he was able to witness, was the most beautiful and addicting one he has ever seen. a sight for sore eyes, an image that stayed burned in the back of his mind.

„what do you want, babygirl?“ he arched a brow, waiting for the response. his usually attentive gaze glanced away from your face, taking in how the wetness pooled between your legs, and slowly flooded down his long pointer finger. „just do something, please.“ you whined, a hand still on his head and attempting to push him forcefully back between your thighs.

you’ve never been aggressive, yet, there was a small part of you that always wanted what she desired. an orgasm in the library was one of those particular things. „you’re so fucking pretty when you beg.“ his chuckles were light-hearted, a rather warm sound to the usual, mean comments he threw around himself as protection. words, to hurt the pogues, and any other person who glanced at you for too long. yet, this wasn't close to a relationship. it was fun, but rafe started to get possessive.

sliding his two fingers inside of your pussy again, he immediately felt how your walls stretched around the fleshy, long digits. a tightness and warmth, rafe yearned to feel with his dick. but you never agreed to more than the average foreplay. fingers and tongue on you, hand and mouth on him. the easy ways to get relief, without consequences. you also denied him the official title of boyfriend and girlfriend. the insanity that ran in the male part of his family, made it difficult to find enough to trust to not be treated like a slut after the good days were over.

with every stroke of his fingers, you found yourself slipping further into the pleasure-filled haze. the library, and the slim chance of getting caught by the staff, or residents of the island, faded out of your mind. your bottom lip repeatedly assaulted by your teeth, attempting to stifle the needy whimpers and loud moans that wanted to echo through the library.

rafe's hooded gaze stayed focused on you while pushing his fingers in deeply and curling them to hit the spot. it was a miracle how the kook always made you squirm and cum, and reach the spot that increased the bursts of pleasure. "shit." the word slipped past the attempts of keeping quiet, a simple curse word that rang in rafe's ears and evolved into a smug smirk on his lips.

his free hand found his place on the slick nub between your lips. the rough pad of his thumb pressed against the bundle of nerves, he slowly started to move in circles. a circle for each time he plunged his fingers deep inside of you. "come on, baby girl. let me watch you cum undone for me."

he didn't need to say another word. the sweet name he used to lure you into release and pull you further under his spell, was enough to burst the last restraints. head thrown back against the shelf, strands scattered across the face and hiding parts, your hand on his neck and digging your nails into the soft skin. moans swallowed, quiet whines still slipped through the swollen lips.

rafe did not stop the movements of his fingers until the orgasm washed over you completely. the desire to witness each second of the pleasure you bathed in, was almost enough to make a mess in his pants. when a loud breath escaped your mouth, he withdraw himself from your pussy, placing his arousal-covered fingers in his mouth to lick them clean. a satisfied growl coaxed out of his dry throat, the sweet taste always his favorite dessert.

carefully, you brushed the hem of your skirt down again, hiding the mess that flooded down the insides of your thighs. "so," rafe breathed out, the hands deeply in the pockets of his cargo pants, and a wide smirk plastered across the face. he took a step closer again, chest pressed against yours, a hand placed on the shelf above your head. "when will you let me fuck you? i think i passed the qualifications weeks ago."

"patience is the key, rafe." you giggled, manicured nails placed on the fabric of his polo shirts, and pushing him away with slight force. "but thank you again for taking the stress away."

the last words of gratitude he heard as you walked away. a glance over the shoulders, taking in the straddled expression on rafe's face and the bulge in his trousers. the first time, you ever walked off without giving him something back for his service. but you knew, he would come to get it, to get his revenge for leaving him exposed and needy in the library. a chase, you were excited for.

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trashlie · 1 year ago

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Love and Deepspace Thoughts

I promised some thoughts about Love and Deepspace and we're a week into the game and I think I can finally ramble about it for a while. I've been immensely enjoying myself and screaming daily with my friends lol and I think I've been able to formulate my thoughts pretty well! Idk how many people actually wanna read this, but I always love to have a record of my thoughts - especially something this early in game, because knowing papergames, there's going to be so much angst, so many twists and turns, and I'm already seeing a lot of threads of how things could play out and I like to be able to look back and see how wrong I was lol.

I play on the North American server and have completed chapter 7, so this will be full of spoilers for story content, as well as a lot of spoilers for anecdotes, tender moments, and some of the myth stuff - I'll try to denote where I'll mention certain spoilers in case you're trying avoid certain things, but it'd be impossible to write all of my sincere thoughts and capture all of what I really love and am looking forward to without spoilers, unfortunately.

Below will have a lot of thoughts on the current LIs as well as speculation about the 2 coming LIs, as well as their dynamics, and further speculation on where I think - or maybe just would like to see - the story could be going. To be clear, I have not cleared all anecdotes or myths, as I'm trying to savor things and good lord I cannot pull all those cards; a lot of this is compilation between my experiences as well as @poisonheart and further things I've read and discussed in the server. I will also be approaching this as a longtime player of MLQC, papergames' other otome game, because I cannot help but see the comparisons between the game and sing the praises of where I feel like they've grown and refined, but I don't think you'll need to have played MLQC to read this - you can honestly just ignore those bits lol >A<

What I can outright, sans spoilers, say is that I'm really enjoying Love and Deepspace so much and I think that it's come at a really good time for me, personally, as a MLQC player, because there's so much in game that's been completed and we're basically going through the motions doing our dailies, waiting for our new chapter events or participating in the occasional events (if you aren't hoarding resources for SP wish tree events) so it feels SO refreshing to dive into a new game that takes place in the same universe/world but have so much new stuff to uncover, so much new lore, new characters to meet and get to know. In MLQC I have a very clear favorite, but so far in LADS, I find that while I think I might have a favorite, I really enjoy all three LIs so much and I don't feel bad when I pull someone else's card, because it means I get to gobble all the lore! I don't feel like "UUUGGHH THIS GUY" when we get to X's chapter route. Perhaps it's just that LADS really caters to specific tropes and cliches in a way that I enjoy, but I feel so much like they've done these characters great justice! This goes for the MC, too, who doesn't feel at all like a cookie cutter MC meant to be a stand in for our own self-insert, but rather has a lot of personality of her own, is feisty and discerning.

Also, I gotta give a lot of props to the character customization features. I understand why people are upset that you can only change your hair and hair color in the photobooth function, but we rarely see MC out of that feature - so much of the game is in first person POV - and the times that we do see her, she's seen from the back, so maintaining the same hair for all characters allows them to keep something they can use for her stand in in such scenarios. But the customization is legit nuts! You can do so much with it, I spent so long tweaking mine the day before the game launched! I want to make side accounts I will never play just to play with that function lol

But let's get into the good stuff!

I really cannot sing the praises for the LIs enough, and that's going to be the bulk of what I'll talk about, because even this early in game, there's so much nuance to the LIs in both their characters as well as their dynamics with MC. Everyone brings a little something different to the table, and with what little we know of the upcoming LIs, I think even if for some reason the current LIs don't work for people, maybe the new ones might? But personally, I am so invested in all three of them! While I think I have a definite ranking in favor forming, it's not like it means I dislike any of them at all, and I'm always so eager to learn more!

One thing I'd like to mention before getting into it is that I love the inclusion of the myth cards, and though they are treated as alternate universes, I think it's more like they are previous or parallel timelines, but I'll try to get into that a little more as I talk about the characters!

From what I can see so far, I think Rafayel is one of the more popular fans with the North American/English-speaking fanbase - and it's not hard to see why! He's sassy, provides good comedy, he's fun to bully, and he's really pouty. I had a feeling he would be my favorite from the get go, just because I tend to have a thing for really pathetic men lmao and I have SUCH a fondness for him. I said I think I have a ranking forming, but it feels WRONG to rank them because that's how much I really like them, but if I had to, Rafayel's #2 position is really, REALLY close to #1! But the thing is, it's not just because of all of those traits above. I'd argue that he's one of the characters who has a lot of iceberg depth, as in there's a lot of depth to him that may get ignored or glossed over because of the sass and brattiness that accompanies, or even masks, it. As poisonheart puts it, the comedy hides the pain - and Rafayel comes with a LOT of pain! There's a delicious complexity to him where he is one part needy and clingy, but also one part resentful and hurt. MC made a promise that she doesn't recall - whether it was in this life or another - and you really get the sense that Rafayel wants to settle the score, but at the same time his feelings get in the way of those bitter, hurt feelings, and I really enjoy this complexity a lot! I think it elevates all of the sassiness, gives it a purpose and meaning.

Take his Nightly Stroll Bond: on the one hand it comes across as comedic and even manipulative -and it is! But when you get into it, you understand why. That's not to say if I think there's justification for manipulation because that's not what I'm here for; I'm just here for a good time and a good time I'm having. But when Rafayel says "It's been 800 years!" I don't think that's an exaggeration - he just isn't talking about just the day that he waited. Is faking an injury/illness and checking himself into a hospital overkill? Sure lol but that's what makes him so delightful to me. There's all of this hurt and unaddressed resentment, but as much as that, there's all of these feelings! Because even though he's hurt, he CARES about MC, SO MUCH. That's the problem! It would be easier if he didn't care, but he does. He's so needy, so clingy, he wants her attention because he's waited for so long while she was off, having forgotten him, living a life that abandoned and left him behind while he waited and waited and listen ;~; my stinky fish man I'm so sorry I cannot wait for her to learn the truth. I want to know SO BADLY what happened! When did they meet, anyway? He makes a comment on the homescreen when he's sulking lol about "See you in three months... three minutes, landlubber"

HOW LONG DID HE WAIT FOR HER IF ONE MINUTE IS ONE MONTH TO HIM?!

And listen, idk what anyone else thinks, but the end of chapter 7 had me in my FEELINGS, with the way he tried to leave her at the bottom of the ocean - but he couldn't, because of their promise, because he's unable to go back on it, because even though she forgot all about him and their promise and went about her life without a memory of him, he can't do that. It's the hurt! It's the resentment! It's the confliction between his feelings, because it seems like they take up equal space - his hunger for her attention, for what feels like she was so fickle to give and take away, the way she meant so much to him and he feels like it wasn't the same ;A;

(I've contemplated how possible it is that they met when she was younger, before she was attacked in the Wanderer incident 14 years ago, and if that could somehow have affected her memory, but I feel like it must be something greater, because seeing the fish glow in his heart means the vow they made was binding, so something strong must've caused her to forget. But that's also why I've contemplated if this was in another life? I'm less sure about this, because in Rafayel's second anecdote, he crosses paths with MC at university, though of course she doesn't recognize or recall him, and he specifically recognizes her voice. "Though her voice has matured, her pronunciation, enunciation, the rhythm of her speech, and even the emphasis in her sentences... Every word strikes like a drumbeat, awakening long-buried memories in his mind" It feels more likely that it happened while they were younger. Also I feel like this passage really encompasses her significance, that he can recall these details, to recognize them after so much time ;~; stinky fish you make my heart ache ;~;)

I appreciate so much that they've given Rafayel so much depth, that under the comedy of his pathetic, sulky exterior is so much reason for it, that there's an undercurrent of resentment and something dark - after all, we haven't actually uncovered what happened with the painting and Raymond. We saw the mermaid skeleton in his house - was Rafayel seeking revenge for his people?

But Rafayel also shows tremendous emotional sensitivity, in ways that sometimes catch me off guard. I distinctly remember lol sitting in shock after 4-3, and the text from Rafayel that pops up asking MC if she got the thing, telling her about how he asked a seagull to send a white seallshell why hasn't it arrived yet lol and I remember going "NOT NOW RAFAYEL READ THE ROOM ;~;" and then he goes on, telling her "if you draw on it and put it into the ocean the sea will carry the feelings you poured into the drawing to the soul you yearn for" and I just started SOBBING lol ;~; It was just so.... poignant but so simple. He didn't say I'm sorry for your loss or my condolences or anything like that - it was his own chaotic, weird method, but it was sincere. Likewise, he shows that similar sincerity in Ocean At Night, despite initially dismissing paper lanterns as silly human traditions - a lantern will be blown out why would you put all your hope in something so fleeting - coming around to using his own flame, that will never go out, to light a lantern for MC with the prayer that her hopes will never go out. ;~; Listen, I cried. I was TENDER my heart was soggy ;~;

And while I know people love a good pathetic man and enjoy chaotic sass and the fact that we really, truly NEVER know where his plots are going to go lmao - always an adventure with him - I hope they appreciate that depth and don't disavow the darker elements of him that give reason to those core elements of him. Rafayel is a character that carries his hurt and bitterness on his sleeve, rather than hiding it or shoving it away, and I really look forward to exploring it and all the messiness it has to offer, and how it will play out for MC.

On the very far end of the spectrum is Zayne. He's the character I expected to not be too fond of, so I was so pleasantly surprised as we got to know him to find myself proven wrong! I expected him to be... hm... I guess colder? More prickly? Than he turns out to be? And, admittedly, he is still rather aloof and cold on the surface, but I think it helps that he and MC have that history and that we are introduced very early to them through the A Frozen Promise Bond. It made it readily apparent that Zayne was not a cold and aloof person because he was too lofty or something but rather... it just seemed like maybe he'd been someone more awkward when he was younger, someone who didn't know how to connect very well with the daughter of this family friend, but he still tried. The snow seal took me out, you guys ;~; I never moved on from that!!!!!!

Despite seeming so cold, there's a certain kind of warmth to Zayne, just under the surface. He shows his care and concern in the ways he knows best, as MC's PCP, caring about her well being and health, but their Tender Moments are a collection of wonderful moments showing them growing closer, getting to know each other better as people, as friends and equals. For the record, Starry Nocturne hurt me so much, but it did two things I thought were so important. a. It showed that he was not infallible, which I think is very important, because often characters are written in their roles as geniuses who never fail, or else accomplish the impossible, and to see him lose a patient, while painful to read, made him so human but also b. It gave him that moment of vulnerability with MC where he could lean on her. It's so, SO important! for a MI to be able to lean on the MC, I feel, for them to be those equals, for him to be able to be vulnerable with her, but especially so for a character like Zayne who feels very reserved and closed off.

MC makes statements about feeling like there's distance between her and Zayne, especially when they first come back into each others' lives for the first time, so getting to indulge in these little Tender Moments of them taking little steps towards each other, closing that gap between them, is so satisfying! Having that history gives them a dynamic unlike Rafayel or Xavier's with her, because she has her memories of their childhood, of who he was when they were younger, and who they are now, and can compare the warmth of him opening up, of the chuckles and laughter she elicits from him. They also have this kind of flirtship I really enjoy - something very coy, not in an uwu so shy way just.... very coy, both dancing around the bush, before one of them calls it what it is - I thought the A Heartfelt Paradise Tender Moment a really good example of this!

It's so easy to read Zayne as being cold and aloof, but he really does have so much warmth, he just isn't good at showing it. He doesn't wear things on his sleeves like Rafayel or MC. But good LORD when he's in private....!!!!!!! The Business Trip Memoria TOOK. ME. OUT!!!!!! This is the game launch and they're already throwing this at us?! It was, to me, such a mature kind of date to give us? Two people who have had to grow used to each other's absence in their lives, and continue having to make space for those absences, as both are busy people - Zayne, a dedicated cardiac surgeon and MC a hunter - and what it means to grow used to the absence and to miss each other. But listen - when MC got in his lap?! She was touching his mouth? His face?! "What did you want me to do, in front of all those people?" he asked her? SIR?!

HELLO?! Girl. Listen.

I had to fan myself alfjkkfkjafjkafkjaf lmao

I looooooove them for that element of normalcy - for the people who have important careers and lives that they have to attend to, but still find the room for each other in their lives. The implication that Zayne rushed his way through school, took on grueling workloads and lacked a social life amongst classmates much older than him, not because he loved learning or even because he was so dedicated to his career - but because it was his way back to MC, so that he could return to stand in front of her? GOD. HOW DO YOU MOVE ON FROM THAT? HOW DO YOU HANDLE THAT? Knowing that he did it all so that he could stand in front of you again? HOWLING pls LISTEN.

Zayne may feel cold on the surface, but he is SO warm, he cares so much. And not just about MC, either. Thank God, too, because I'm not huge on the "Cold man only cares about the woman he loves" type, but Zayne cares so much about his patients, and making sure they feel seen, cared about? His first anecdote had me crying about seniors in hospitals with no relatives to accompany them to their examinations ;~; What a man.

I haven't had a chance to dig into his myth yet, which is a shame, but his third anecdote DID destroy me. I'm not even exaggerating, I was sobbing in my bedroom - and the worst part is I knew it would be painful going in and I still wasn't braced for impact enough! I mean, frankly, both his second and third hurt but nothing like the third! Parallel universe Zayne in a grim reaper role where he must kill humans turning into Wanderers - so very opposite the surgeon version of him who does everything he can to save people, both of them living parallel lives to each other, experiencing each others' lives through their dreams/nightmares. THIS HAS ME SCREAMING!!!!!

So much of MLQC has a lot to do with timelines - parallel worlds, some alternate universes, a whole timeline that's technically the same timeline reset but also still moving forward...... lol I can't help but think about where all of this fits in to LADS. Even though the Myth storylines are taken as alternate universes.... I think they're part of everyone's stories. We see echos of them. I haven't finished Rafayel's but even little moments, like making a break for it and having to run to escape attention echos a scene of Rafayel and the Princess MC making a mad dash in the market alley to escape the palace guards. It feels especially true for Xavier and MC, which I'll get to. But especially with Zayne - whose myth, again, I haven't been able to dig into, but seems to pose him as a sort of god, a forseer - we have two very different timelines/events now: his myth/Philos story and his parallel Grim Reaper self. How many timelines/parallel universes are we playing with, I wonder....?

I really want to revisit this in the future when I do get to dig into his myth, because I can see how Rafayel and Xavier's myths tie into their identities and their dynamics with MC, but I don't know yet how any of that works for Zayne and MC! I'm so intrigued, I can't wait!!!!

And finally, Xavier. God, I should have known lol in retrospect I should have realized Xavier would be my weak spot but listen..... sometimes I gotta lie to myself lol I love everything about him, the seemingly gentle eepy man who is also simultaneously a walking weapon of mass destruction but also so easily stumped by a UFO machine lol. Much like Rafayel, I'm especially fond of him because of the depth and dynamics, but also, honestly, much like Rafayel, he just checks all the boxes. Poisonheart puts it best when she says Xavier is the perfect middle-ground of the two - he's not as sassy as Rafayel is, but he'll still roast MC, he's very grounded and comes off a little aloof sometimes, but he doesn't seem nearly as aloof as Zayne, and he's also really unintentionally funny! He plays the middle-ground of them SO well. And where Zayne was working hard in order to show up in front of MC again and Rafayel has a score to settle but also so much neediness, it feels like Xavier has a LOT of karma to make up for.

Now, I personally don't have his myth cards, but poisonheart does, so everything I know I've experienced via her and all of our hours of screaming lol and the thing that really gets me the most about Xavier and MC is like..... okay it's the way he's clearly this really incredibly strong guy, but he plays the submissive prey role so well? lol He begs if she tells her to, he doesn't resist, he indulges her, he plays along - but when the mood strikes, he'll pull the dominant switch and flip the table and alkfjlFKJKAFJ ALKJFAF LAKJFAKFKJFAJ AFLKJD GODDDDDDDD IT GETS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Xavier has that sense of like.... everything for MC, right? Like he's making up for a lifetime. There's implications that maybe he's been searching through space and time for her, trying to find her, that they've lost and each other countless times before - or rather, she's lost him - and his Shooting Stars myth supports this. Sometimes it's really subtle, sometimes it stands out so much I'm in agony. She remarks so often how he feels so distant, like he's as out of reach and mysterious as a star. She has nightmares about him disappearing and he is incredibly reassuring about staying, about not leaving. And maybe I'm reading into it, but he even talks about her hanging on tight, like maybe if she's strong enough, she can keep him from ever being taken away, keep them from being separated this time.

He's also the one who feels like he's actually endured all the years. Rather than separate timelines or parallel worlds it feels like Xavier has actually traveled through space and time, like he's the same Xavier from the myth himself, which makes him talking about the loneliness of stars so much worse. How long has he been alone, searching for her? ;~;

But their dynamic just really gets to me - it's those echos, the way MC subconsciously acts on them, and how indulgent Xavier is towards her. It's the playful teasing and the gentleness and how he plays so submissive and docile but when the mood strikes he can switch it up and catch her (and me!!!) off guard. It's the way he texts LMAO never writing out you or one lmao (which is marginally better than Rafayel's COMPLETE LACK OF PUNCTUATION LMAO ALFKAJFKJAFKJAFKJAFJK) It's the way he has that innocent baby face and could absolutely get away with murder.

Initially I had contemplated if it was possible he is actually a star and while maybe that isn't true I am still not certain he's human - at least he's not from our world (especially if he really is the very Xavier from the myth) but I still like to think of him as one, because he wears the star motif so well and likens himself to one so often. Also, look, I am a SUCKER for a star motif. I was doomed from the start lol.

There's just something about the agony and TRAGEDY in their past, in the echos, the subconscious fears, and the sheer indulgence!!!!! It's MC telling Xavier he might be her enemy later and the distress it caused him, prompting him to share his access privileges with her to earn her trust ;A; It's the way he's apparently spent DECADES, at the VERY LEAST, on our earth AND HE'S A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE COOK lmaoooooooo it's the stupid little lines he says because he's not as overtly clingy and pouty as Rafayel but an armful of plushies is a dreadful thing because then he doesn't have a free hand to hold MC's hand !!!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS?! WHINES

I could write a whole essay about Xavier and I'm restraining myself and attempting to be really, really normal about him okay?

But yeah for him it's that depth of like... the guilt and agony he carries - because not only does leaving her hurt him, but it hurts himself, too. That unbearable loneliness, the endless wait, hoping, wondering, unsure of when, or if, he'll find her again, but refusing to give up - and when he does, endeavoring to make up for it. Like, as it is, there's something about strong men being submissive that is so lakkjfkafkjfkjaf alfjakfaf but it's the way Xavier does it with MC that is soooooo INDULGENT, so VERY "for you, because it's you" that makes me want to chew my keyboard and howl at the moon and every time he reassures her he won't leave I feel dread but also I want it to be true.

I know how papergames operates. I know Xavier may mean it, but I also know.... ;A;

And to think, this is all JUST THE LAUNCH STUFF! We haven't even passed chapter 8 yet lmao We don't even have all our LIs! We've (maybe?) yet to meet our antagonist? WHICH I'M EXCITED ABOUT BTW

Listen.

I have some thoughts and I'll try to keep them short (yknow, for me) because this is already long and rambly and maybe I can just expand on this later but: Sylus and Caleb are confirmed as LIs right? But are they the same person or not??????

If Sylus = Caleb it gives us a LOT of potential for exploring some really complex, grey morality. I mean, no matter what, Sylus is going to bring grey morality lol but especially if it turns out Caleb is actually secretly the leader of Onychinus, because it brings that whole "Who is this person I thought I knew?" and more so because Onychinus is poised as an enemy to the Hunter's Association.

But something Papergames has done in MLQC and I fully expect them to do here is explore grey morality, not only in Onychinus, but the Hunter's Association. Xavier's Tender Moments Garden of Secrets brings up the implication that some Wanderers are, in fact, intelligent, and while it's rare, it can occur. And with parallel world Grim Reaper Zayne having to kill people before they turn into Wanderers it begs the question of this world: can that happen here, too? And it gets into the moral conundrums. That's not to say the Hunter's Association are bad for killing Wanderers and protecting people but it starts to bring up questions, because in Grim Reaper Zayne's world, this is being covered up. What about this world? There's also the question of what is Onychinus even doing? I fully expect to find that whatever their objective is, it will be a question of the greater good and if the ends justify the means and the such.

Ultimately, an antagonist LI has to be sympathetic in some fashion, because how else are they going to write the story for them lol. Like they can certainly have Bond/Memoria/Tender Moments that are more about the combative element of their relationship meeting the chemistry that draws them to each other, but at any rate, there has to be something that draws them to each other and makes them care, right? So therefore, he can't be entirely bad, or at least MC has to be able to empathize with him and his objective, or the cause of it or something like that.

If Caleb = Sylus, that might be more achievable because of their history, but obviously that isn't a requirement, and that can also make it more complex, because again, that whole "this person I thought I knew".

I think there's a possibility for that overlap partly because we already have a LI with a history with MC - but to be fair, Zayne's history with MC is very different than Caleb's and has a different dynamic, so even if they didn't give him the villain route, it would still play out very differently and give them a significantly different enough dynamic that I don't think it would be a big issue.

If he's not Sylus, then there's still a lot of avenues to explore with Caleb. They've already implied that Caleb wants to take care of MC, wants her to lean on him and let him play that role for him, to stop being so strong in front of him, and I think that could very well affect his story and what has lead to his "death". Being in the airforce makes me wonder if it's possible that the military is associated in any way with Onychinus - after all, didn't he say that he does top secret work involving the deepspace tunnel, and isn't Onychinus interested in that? It wouldn't be the first time a government agency was written as being corrupt lol (and again there could be a lot gray morality here where Onychinus isn't necessarily inherently bad). Caleb could have gotten involved simply by his job.

There's the revenge angle, if he, too, was an experiment subject (which would make sense because why did Granny take him in as well?) and wanting to get back at? the people who experimented on them. Or wanting to be more involved? A spy case? SO many possibilities and I'm really excited to see where it all goes!

I think regardless of how Caleb is reintroduced to the story, I imagine there's going to be some kind of conflict - his "death" and then reappearance.... did he know that was going to happen? was it planned? was he involved? I don't think they'll bring him back and yay! now she has a family member back but I think there will be some kind of strife to work through, some good ol angst that really plays with the dynamic of feeling hurt and betrayed but wanting to return to the old times that can never be returned to, wanting to seek refuge in someone who maybe doesn't exist anymore, being drawn to someone you cared so much about and feeling so conflicted about it alfkjkfjkjafjkaf kj

I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!

This is such a rambling mess so kudos to anyone who made it this far. Maybe I'll manage to write some more bitesized thoughts later @___@

#Love and Deepspace #LADS Brainrot #LADS Rafayel #LADS Zayne #LADS Xavier #LADS Caleb #LADS Sylus

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mxwhore · 8 days ago

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hi!!! i want to read your comic so bad but are you able to give a lil more detail on the content warnings? just wanna know how much i gotta brace myself

Of course! I shouldve done that a while ago but i didnt know how to do it without being spoilery, but anyway! Hope you stay for the execution regardless and if not, stay safe :)

The work is takes light inspiration on the fic "Honesty is an Open Door Policy" by ghostofnoodlewrap on ao3. If you havent read it, basically Martin enters a consensual then not-so-consensual sugarbabby-esque relationship with Peter as part of the "grooming for the Lonely" plan. Its really good, i like things that make me feel bad.

In this work, there are NO graphic depictions of sexual abuse/rape (only very loving, healing and rather silly consensual sex between the lads). Martin volunteers his own statement relaying to Jon how Peter touched him in a way that was distressing to him to make him retreat into himself/the Lonely. There was no originally consensual sugar baby arrangement. He has some supernatural bruising from the experience that implies that things went REALLY far. In the end, it is unclear if Peter forced himself on Martin or if something even worse happened. Jon is very distressed at this, but never makes Martin feel bad about it. Martin is throughly comforted <3

Also, in my universe Martin is a non op trans man.

#guys that have read it: if i missed anything please comment!#its mostly up to the imagination which in horror its always worse imo #the safehouse comic #i think this is enough for an informed decision. have a nice night!#tessa answers!

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aphroditeslover11 · 1 year ago

Text

Thinking In Numbers

Oppie x Reader

A/N: as always, based on Cillian Murphy’s very fictional depiction of Oppie, if you don’t want to read it I’m not forcing to and if you do then please feel free to stick around.

This is the response to the poll from the other day, handling some problems arising from the couple’s age gap.

Warnings: mentions fo alcohol, age gap, world’s mildest angst with a happy ending!

You had been on his arm at a lot of fundraising events recently, trying to raise money for the causes that he supported, which meant that you had been spending a lot of time with Robert’s circle of friends. They were all amazing and very interesting people, the conversation was always incredible and you loved them, but you couldn’t help feeling a little like a fish out of water. You were only a philosophy student, in a sea of seasoned academics.

The first time that you really started to notice the difference in your ages was at the end of the summer semester. Both the staff and the students were organising parties and you didn’t know whether you should go and celebrate the end of term with your friends or go and have a far more civilised send-off for the holidays with Robert and the professors. For him there had never been any question that you would accompany him, despite your age he always perceived you as being too mature and sensible to enjoy the parties of your fellow students. He assumed that you were exactly like him at your age, unbelievably introverted and not seeing the point in all of the chaos. You did as he expected of you, and it was a lovely evening with the help of a few of Oppie’s martinis, but you had ended up following him towards the physics faculty who were now having a conversation that you had no chance of understanding. When you got home that night you called your friend’s house, making sure that she had got home from the student celebrations.

“You don’t have to worry about me y/n,” she chuckled, clearly under the influence.

“Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, the boys decided that it would be a good idea to to try and raid the chemistry stock room so we ended up with impromptu fireworks, it was quite a show actually. One of them nearly blew himself up, but I think he’s alright now.”

“God, I wish I could have been there.”

“How was your evening?”

“Not too bad, it was nice to spend the evening with Robert but he ended up in a corner with the physics department so I was left to my own devices. He expects it of me though so I just do it for him. I’m sure you had a better evening than me.” Little did you know that Oppie was walking past the semi-open door, and heard every word that you were saying.

The next day you went back to the campus to pick up some books from the library that you wanted to look at over the summer. You bumped into a few of the boys that you had met over the year, all part way through their degrees just like you.

“How was the party with the old boys club y/n?” One of them asked.

“It was quite fun actually, a lot of interesting conversations. They aren’t all old men, you know.”

“Oppie’s alright, the rest of them can be a bit of a drag,” this came from Luke, who you knew took one of your boyfriend’s classes.

“I heard about your antics with the fireworks, I’m amazed that you’re all still in one piece. I’d take a drag over a near death experience!” You tried to joke back, though it was true that you would rather have spent the evening with them.

“Come on, why don’t you come out with us tonight, live a little. Do you want to be old before your time?” It was then that you felt a familiar arm wrapping around your waist. Looking to your side you were met with Robert, his face with the usual soft smile it wore whenever he saw you.

“Why’s she going to be old Luke?” He questioned, humouring the lads. He was closer with his students than many of the other lecturers at Berkeley and they felt that they could have a little banter with him as a result.

“All of the time that she…” Luke started.

“…Spends sitting at home reading books when I could be out with them.” You quickly cut him off, Robert didn’t need to be involved in this. Luke gave you a bizarre look and carried on talking to his professor, but you could tell that said professor was unsatisfied. Not long later, as you were walking away, he started questioning you.

“My love, what didn’t you want me to hear Luke saying back there?” You were walking back to his office to collect the papers he had left before heading to New Mexico for the summer.

“If you want the truth, they were teasing me for spending so much time with the faculty. It was all in good fun.” Oppie paused for a moment.

“It is true that you don’t spend much time with your own friends though. I have to admit that I heard you on the phone the other night, I never thought that I might have been pressuring you into anything, but I can understand now that I have.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with your friends, I really do. Sometimes I just feel like I want to do the sorts of things that normal students do.”

“Darling, why didn’t you say any of this earlier?”

“I didn’t want to make things awkward or make you to feel obligated to do anything that you didn’t want to do.” Robert sighed softly at that, turning and taking your face in his hands, looking down at you.

“My love, you can always tell me anything. You are too caring for your own good sometimes, you know that? This is my fault, I shouldn’t have been so shortsighted, so its up to me to make it up to you.”

“Robert, you don’t have to…”

“This weekend we’ll stay here, we’ll have some people over to the apartment, your people, and we’ll do whatever you want for an evening. You know what, I can clear out for the evening and leave you in peace if you like.” He could tell from your smile that you had other ideas.

“Or you could stay and join in with the madness, you do owe me afterall and I think you could make it up to me by proving to Luke that you aren’t an old man. Maybe then he’ll stop taking the mick out of me.”

“I could probably do with a good shafting anyway,” he acquiesced. “So, will you forgive me for being so hopeless.”

“Only if you cover up the raid the boys did the other day on the chemistry department.”

“What raid?”

“They have a habit of setting off homemade fireworks at parties.”

“They are not setting off fireworks in my house…” You stood on your toes then, closing the gap to silence him with a kiss.

“Dr Oppenheimer, my party, my rules!”

#cillian murphy #oppenheimer #american prometheus #1950s #oppenheimer x reader #cillian murphy x reader #christopher nolan #j robert oppenheimer #tommy shelby #j robert oppenheimer x reader #tumblr polls #oppie

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ftm-radio · 10 months ago

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My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

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styrmwb · 2 months ago

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I Beat Games in 2024

At the start of the year, I started to write my thoughts down about games I beat starting with Chrono Trigger; I eventually got A Lot Better with it, and I stuck with it until the end! I'm quite proud of myself. Sure, the posts are usually long and rambly, but I feel like I've improved at putting down Why Exactly I Like And Don't Like Things. Perhaps I'll get better!

But similar to every company (Spotify, Nintendo, Youtube, McDonald's) doing years in review, I Also wanted to do one for myself! Behold: The List

Shoutouts Tiermaker for letting me be a coward and not do a strict numbered list (I wish it wasn't so low quality)

Lemme go up with a short little thought and how I think the game stuck with me to the end

The One I Didn't Beat

Baba is You - Game is Frustrating

I started playing Baba after I beat Persona 5, and before Dawntrail came out. I'd wanted to play this game for a good while. Very funny energy, and super cool concept. Change the rules to solve the puzzle. What I got was less a think about how to change the rules game, and more of a block pushing "how do I get the rule that I want" game. I got mad. Is it possible that I was just dumb? Yes, absolutely. But I couldn't get myself to finish it. Perhaps I will return.

C Tier - Liked, But There's Problems

Final Fantasy XIV: Dawntrail - Falling Prey to Stagnation

I still love FFXIV; and I do think that Dawntrail brought a lot of good things. Soundtrack is stellar, world design is awesome, and once they released the raids? Dude. The combat design this expac is STELLAR. PLUS I GOT TO SEE THE ARK ANGELS AND PRISHE AAAAAA. But alas, the FFXIV formula we've had since ShB still remains. The writing continues to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I'm burnt out. I'm not... Excited to play the game right now. I really hope they fix that, I want the game I love to thrive.

Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII - Great Gameplay in a Weird Place

I think I played Lightning Returns at the perfect time. It really felt like XIII-2 Chapter 2. I'm super happy that I got to finish the XIII trilogy. I think the game is good, but I don't know if it's gonna Stick with me as much as some of the higher entries. Again, the soundtrack is phenomenal (FF games Can Not Miss I SWEAR TO GOD), and I stick by the fact that if I were to revisit it, I would get a whole different fun from optimizing time now that I know How Much Time it is.

B Tier - Solid Games All Around

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance - Childhood Chapter Comes to a Close

Another game I'm really happy to have finally finished. Reliving the nostalgia of the past, as well as being able to approach it with an adult mindset. The game was addicting, the style of it still lives in my head; I honestly think it's one of the best artstyles in the entire series. Yeah, there were some problems like the laws and the nature of the grind + new units, but overall I really loved how the game stuck together.

Yakuza 3 Remastered - Closer and Closer to Catching Up

A classic Yakuza experience. It's a tried and true formula that fills my completionist wants and needs. It definitely has the best story of all the LaD games so far (0-3), and while I wish the remaining games were happy fun Sunflower times, I know poor Kiryu won't get to relax. I think the only reason this isn't higher is just cause it doesn't have too much special sauce differentiated from previous games (plus the combat stuff late game docks a point). Either way, still excited to continue on.

A Tier - The A is for Amazing

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth - 2024 (New) Game of the Year

Congratulations to VII Rebirth for being the only 2024 not-expansion game I played this year. This was pretty much the game I rooted for in the game awards (which don't really matter) but honestly I feel bad cause it feels like default. Regardless! None of that matters! Rebirth was such a good game. It made me love and appreciate VII's world and cast so much more than the original did. I loved the new additions of Queen's Blood and Gilgamesh, and I genuinely think that game is the template of what action FF should be. It just needed to not beef the ending to be S tier.

Final Fantasy XIII-2 - Best in the Trilogy

An honest to god surprise hit for me. I did not expect to like XIII-2 as much as I did. The organization and gameflow of it stuck with me so much more than XIII or LR, I loved the small cast: Noel was tragic, Serah got screentime and character, I got more Hope content, and Caius is absolutely one of my favorite FF villains now. The soundtrack fucked, the atmosphere was great; it just really stuck with me. Think what I really would have appreciated is a little more respect on the previous cast.

Slayers X: Terminal Aftermath: Vengance of the Slayer - awsome seekwel to my favorite indy

The thing about Slayers X, is that I Literally don't have any problems with it. The game is EXACTLY what is needed to be. I've never played a boomer shooter, but I had a lot of fun running around, shooting glass sharts, finding secrets, and listening to that 2000s nu metal grungy soundtrack (I'M STILL NOT GOOD WITH GENRES DON'T GET MAD AT ME). It does help that I have some personal bias in the matter, but I love games in this universe and I can't wait for more.

World of Warcraft: The War Within - PLEASE DON'T LET THIS AGE BADLY

This expansion is the direction I NEEDED WoW to go in. The art direction, the story, the characterization, the gameplay. I haven't felt a love this strong for this game since Legion. I haven't been able to check it out beyond the first part of the game due to Money, but I do hope that it's continuing to not suck. I hope that when the Worldsoul Saga completes, I can confidently say to people without feeling bad: "I love World of Warcraft."

Splatoon 3: Side Order - Final Course of Single Player Goodness

Similar to Slayers X; I don't really have any issues with Side Order! It's what I expected, it feels like what I was promised, a Splatoon roguelike. I had a good bit of fun with it, I loved the attention to detail they put in. The gameplay loop was really fun, and it made unlocking bits not a miserable experience. Plus more Off the Hook is always appreciated.

S Tier - Games of the Year, Games of All Time

Persona 5 Royal - Hoo Boy.

The inventor of jazz. The game that crosses over with everything. I understand the hype. I LOVE Persona 5. I think out of every game I played this year, Persona 5 stuck with me the most. It made TIME MANAGEMENT ADDICTING. It gave me a huge cast of charming characters, playable and not. The vibes were immaculate, the story felt cathartic. I loved the gameplay, the interactions of elements, the usage of real world mythology; and though some of the Royal bits could have been added on a little smoother, the quality they gave me clears any complaints I got. The fact that I still have such good memories even after playing plenty of other games tells me this isn't just some kind of recency bias (it might still be), Persona 5 is one of my favorite games ever.

Chrono Trigger - Absolutely Deserved Reputation

Finally. At long last. Chrono Trigger was a game that I NEEDED to play. It's a perfect RPG (well nothing is perfect and I could get some minor nitpicks but). The cast is amazing and well rounded, the battle system is still a classic RPG but takes its own spin, makes it unique feeling. It's not a guys to one side enemies to other random thing, it FEELS like a whole battlefield, the positioning mattering, the interactions between characters, GOD it's so good. For a time travel story, it all makes sense, it does what a time travel story SHOULD. The soundtrack is fucking legendary and I still listen to it to this day. What makes it really special is that I got to play this classic without knowing pretty much anything about it. Chrono Trigger was an absolute treat, and I think it's definitely one of my favorite games of all time.

Bonus

Of course, these weren't the only games I played this year, just the main ones. 2024 saw the return of my Final Fantasy XI phase, where I got to beat Wings of the Goddess and A Shantotto Ascension (as of writing this I'm still playing); and I have to plug it to make sure people realize that Wings of the Goddess is one of the best FF storylines they might never experience. I got the first Mario Party I ever enjoyed playing in Jamboree, which doesn't feel super mean spirited and rage inducing like previous entries, as well as Mario Kart 8 Deluxe somehow also creeping in. Theatrhythm continued to be a main stay as what I go to to fill my rhythm game need; and right at the start of the year, I finished the pokedex in Pokemon Violet.

Finally, my main replay of the year lied in Hypnospace Outlaw; my favorite indie game of all time. Going back to reexperience it, check out all the new content that got released after my first play, that game continues to remain truly special in my heart.

I wanna keep doing this in the future. It was really fun, it gives me a record, a snapshot of my thoughts; something to look back on. Who knows what'll happen in 2025? Maybe I'll branch out more. Maybe not. Maybe I'll only play Yakuza games all year, it's possible.

And the most maybe of all; maybe I'll play more Actual new releases instead of old games. We'll find out!

#tumblrshape #games i beat in 2024 #jared's game ramblings

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mlkydrms · 3 months ago

Text

Grounded

🌙 Sorcerer!Taehyung & Paladin!Jimin 🌙 Chrysalis Moon (level 2), D&D AU (Homebrew Setting) 🌙 1900 words 🌙 Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Mild Angst, Fantasy, Action(?) 🌙 Warnings: Universe-typical Violence (Fantasy, D&D): Minor Character Death (characters are unnamed and are bandits), Some blood and injuries (as par for this course), Light description of wounds. Panic Attack. Insecurity. NO BETA, cause I'm a silly little lad. 🌙 Notes: terrible action writing...(idk why I try), Aasimar Paladin Jimin, Tiefling Sorcerer Taehyung, Pre-Chrysalis Moon 🌙 A/n: I love this universe but damn I hate that I make myself write some semblance of action. Hope you like it.

Summary:

Close shaves with death are ever so common in such a terrifying world filled with power. If one does not focus, how far can they ever get alone?

[ Past | Master | Future ]

[Read on AO3 instead?]

"You should focus, Taehyung. This isn't a hard spell to master. There is power in your words, remember?"

The crackling in his ears grows louder. The heat in his chest grows colder. There is haze all around him. He can make out a figure in the blur. The shape is familiar to him. The colours are easily recognisable. The voice fills him with a mix of emotions.

"Listen, my child. The world out there is not as kind, not as gentle as it is here. Now, try this again. With me."

The world is not gentle. It is filled with so much. So many things to see, and do, and experience and none of them as gentle in nature to what he was used to. Taehyung is learning quite quickly that the temple was a safety he took for granted.

"You must stay focused. You must listen. Don't let your gentleness be a weakness, my little glass chip."

The pet name echoes in the darkening haze around him. Slowly, ever so slowly, what imprints of memory he is recalling is fading away. It is becoming much colder.

"Tae, wake up."

Heat rushes through his body in a second. The searing of his soul fills his body with an electric tingle. His eyes shoot open as a cough rips through his throat. He turns, propping up his body with weak arms. His eyes come to focus. The floor is not the cold marble of his temple. His fingers curl instinctively and dying grass fills his fist.

The absence of weight on his shoulder buzzes the area. Jimin is pulling back their hand and their attention is turned away after making sure that Taehyung is awake. They are in the middle of a fight, in the middle of preserving their lives in the wilds.

"Stay with me now, dragon. Keep low, keep safe. You'll be alright."

They shoot him a quick smile before stepping forward towards the fight. The soft glimmer of sparkling stars momentarily remains where Jimin was. The sound of metal rings in his ears.

Taehyung lays back down facing the dark night sky. He rolls his head to look at the action. Everything is upside down. They look like bats fighting under a hay roof. Jimin is swinging their scythe against a claymore a bandit is wielding.

Fighting. There is so much fighting in the world. It is not safe just like his late mentor had told him. It is what they have been trying to help him with. Powers that are held within him are his and for his preservation but Taehyung does not like hurting others no matter how bad they seem. And the more he adventures, the more he thinks that their actions can simply be justified by the harshness of life.

He shakes his head. No he can't think that. Some actions cannot be justified by just that. He hears Jimin's grunt as another fighter slashes at them with a dagger. They're fighting on their own. There is one of two outcomes for this. Taehyung needs to swallow the fact and decide which of the two he makes true.

People die. A daily occurrence. Taehyung will have to take life, as horrifying as the thought is. He knows that his own will be taken if he does not do it. Jimin's would be taken if he remains as he is. It still makes him sick to think this is the only way he could get out of this.

He turns back onto his belly. He raises his hand out towards them. Dry heat rises around him as his mind thinks of the spell his mentor taught him a long while ago. Words, he knows the words.

'If not for yourself, then for me. Please.'

Taehyung swallows. The words fall out of his mouth effortlessly. His non-stretched hand digs into the grass. His fingers shift the way he remembers his mentor teaching him. He feels the crackle of electricity in his blood pulse.

Jimin swings. Their blade meets flesh. A fighter falls. A different body stands behind them, ready to strike second.

And he focuses, as if hearing their voice again nagging at the back of his mind. He focuses as they have wanted him to time and time over. The prickle travels fast through his arm to his outstretched hand. His eyes lock onto the final bandit in range. He grits his teeth.

Flash and crackle. A sickly green and bronze bolt leaves his fingers. The charge shifts carelessly towards its target. It hits, with a sudden jolt to the bandit. Stray sparks fork out uncontrollably. In a lucky turn, Jimin is untouched by the unpredictable spray.

A shout is cut short from the stop of a heart. The last bandit falls into a heap as the last crackles of electricity turn into small fires in the dry grass. Jimin stands alone beside the tiny flickering flames. They turn their head towards Taehyung. Their glowing gold eyes shift in hue like fire. They step towards the weak sorcerer on the ground.

Taehyung feels a wash of fear and panic dump over him. He watches Jimin emptily. The haggard figure of his friend in the short distance away is trying to remain tall in their posture. Jimin is limping and bleeding and bruised. His friend, his first friend is in this state because of him.

The dark voice of his own worries begin to grow. He takes the blame and accepts it as his own despite not being told that was his fault. Someone close to him is hurt. He did nothing to prevent it. He feels the twist of his stomach that tries to make him vomit. Taehyung gags despite having nothing to throw up. He coughs terribly in the attempt. What remaining magic in his hand fizzles out in a snap.

Jimin lets go of their hold on their scythe. The soft glow pouring out of their eyes stops. Their steps move faster. They are more determined to get to their travel partner that is curling up into himself. They cannot have Taehyung go through this again alone.

"I'm sorry. I should have...should've... I'm sorry."

He repeats it like a mantra, shaking in place as he sits up. His nails scratch against his arms. A brass scale gets caught against his nail. Taehyung picks at it.

Jimin drops to their knees and pulls the Tiefling close. They hug him tight against their chest. Taehyung's jewelry is pressed against the stained leather armor. The stench of fresh blood does not bother them.

"Hey there, it's ok. It's alright. You're fine. You're here."

Taehyung tries to shake his head but the Aasimar holds him in place. They continue to whisper in a hushed voice. Taehyung can only listen.

"You're alright Tae. Listen to my voice. It's alright. We're alright."

Jimin slowly loosens their hold. They shift from an embrace to facing Taehyung towards them. Their hand finds his and pulls it away from picking at his scales. The one that he was scratching at is already half-way through being peeled off his skin. Jimin gives Taehyung's hands a gentle squeeze. The warmth goes through him again. His scratching feels like it never happened.

Taehyung is still mumbling through his apologies. His eyes are still unfocused. Jimin tilts his head up to make eye contact. He is looking at them but tears start to form.

"Taehyung. I'm here. I'm here, Tae. I'm perfectly fine. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"But I didn't do anything. I didn't help you. You got hurt. I... I just got in your way. I couldn't even try."

The disappointment feels like a crashing wave. The memory of his mentor's eyes, kind yet strict, is ever present in his mind. They tried so hard and yet, their efforts remained in vain. All they have taught is seemingly so useless in his hands. How long has it been since he had seen them? How long was it since their…

The others did not have their patience. Not with Taehyung at least. Never with him. He wonders how backwards it all was. A child like him, always getting into trouble for not meeting up to their prejudices. A young Tiefling too kind, too loving to hurt even a miniscule insect. For that, casted aside not as a devil too hard to control but a child too scared and soft for potential.

If he had continued all on his own, how fast would he have perished, he wonders. All too fast, surely...

"You're never in my way, Taehyung. I know how hard it can be for you in a fight. You're gentle, you're kind. That's ok. This is what I'm here for. I am a fighter. This is not your fault."

Jimin leans forward and bumps their forehead against his. The tip of their noses touch as Jimin closes their eyes. Their hands have left Taehyung's and shifted to hold and steady his head. Caring thumbs gently smooth over the area where Taehyung's horns meet his forehead.

"You're not alone. You have me. You did great. We'll go through this together. You and me. Now breathe."

Taehyung's breath still stutters. Jimin guides him through taking a deep breath slowly. The seconds tick by as they stay there, not quite far from the road to Echoten. Taehyung comes back to the full reality of where he is.

Taehyung focuses on Jimin. He reaches up and holds their biceps to further cement himself into reality. He is not alone. Jimin is next to him. An angel entrusted with strength and strength that they willingly give to him. There is no wrong in having fear. There is no wrong in being weak. All he needs to do is stay true to himself. He is not alone, for better and not all worse.

He takes in another deep breath to stabilise himself. Jimin twitches when Taehyung accidentally presses a finger into a wound.

"Sorry," he whispers.

"You've done worse,” they try to joke but immediately backtrack their tone. “I'll patch that in a moment. How about you? Breathe a little easier?"

Taehyung nods slowly. They pull away from each other but not too far. Jimin keeps their hands on Taehyung's arms.

The Tiefling pats down his clothes in search of his special trinket given by Master Indrahi. He feels the light bump of it in the pocket of his pants where he last left it. He pulls it out and sighs. A platinum coin with the insignia of his patron encased in glass and brass detailing is still intact. There is a crack in the front of the glass but it is still in one piece. He clutches it in hands.

For me.

Jimin closes their hand over his. They smile.

For them.

"We're okay. You're here. With me. The gods watch over us. We are protected, by them, by each other. Someday it will not hurt so much to try."

For us.

Taehyung finally takes a proper slow breath in. He feels the warmth of his companion's hands. Jimin is there for him like his mentor was. There is so much Taehyung has to learn in the world. It will be slow for him to truly begin to fight but that is alright. Jimin is right there with him. They are right here to ground him.

#btswritersclub #pyn's parables #Kim taehyung #Park Jimin #u; Chrysalis Moon #d&d au #bts fanfics #bts fics #bts #I give up on external tags

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mayhemchicken-varneyposting · 5 months ago

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Varney the Vampire, Chapter 24: Any Satisfaction You Like I Will Give You

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Admiral Bell meets back up with Charles. At first he attempts to skirt around the fact that he arranged to duel Varney himself in Charles' stead, but quickly caves and tells Charles everything. Varney's insistence on fighting with swords worries him, and he fears for Charles' life should he go forward with the duel. Charles is upset by this, feeling that he ought to be the one to duel Varney since he sent the original challenge. Admiral Bell asks Charles to give him an hour or two to think, which Charles reluctantly agrees to.

While the admiral is gone, Charles receives a letter from Varney, explaining the situation with the Admiral from his perspective and offering to fulfill Charles' original duel challenge. He requests Charles meet him by a certain tree at midnight, and to come alone. Charles immediately decides he is going to go, and also that he's not going to tell anybody, because otherwise Varney might think he's a coward.

Having thusly cast aside every braincell he has, Charles seeks Flora's company, and they spend a lovely hour talking to each other in Rymer's torturous impression of romantic dialogue. Charles reassures Flora that he definitely isn't planning to run off and do something dangerous and stupid. At the end of the hour, Charles gets up to meet back up with his uncle, but gives Flora a kiss on the cheek before he goes, which apparently is a first for them. As he leaves, he is struck by a sudden sense of horrible foreboding, but dismisses it as mere nerves.

Well, there goes the last ounce of Charles' common sense.

Varney appears to have successfully rattled the Admiral, at least as far as Charles' safety; he spends a lot of time and words trying to convince his nephew that this duel is a bad idea. Charles, whose Honor is on the line, will hear none of it.

"Why, to tell the truth, my lad, I advise you not to fight with him at all." "Uncle, is this like you? This advice from you, to compromise my honour, after sending a man a challenge?" "D—n it all, Jack, I don't know how to get out of it," said the admiral. "I tell you what it is, Charles, he wants to fight with swords; and what on earth is the use of your engaging with a fellow who has been practising at his weapon for more than a hundred years?" "Well, uncle, if any one had told me that you would be terrified by this Sir Francis Varney into advising me not to fight, I should have had no hesitation whatever in saying such a thing was impossible."

Charles is confident in his own fencing skill, which he attributes to his two-year jaunt on the continent. Sorry, Charles, but your uncle has a point - do you think your two years of fencing practice will hold up against a man with more than a century's experience?

Varney is willing to give Charles the chance he wants, though. His letter to Charles is much longer than Charles' duel challenge, so I won't copy all of it here, just the highlights.

Owing to some unaccountable hallucination of intellect, [Admiral Bell] seemed to imagine that I intended to set myself up as a sort of animated target, for any one to shoot at who might have a fancy so to do.

He spends much of the letter roasting the admiral.

"There is a pollard oak growing close to a small pool; you, no doubt, have noticed the spot often. Meet me there, if you please, and any satisfaction you like I will give you, at twelve o'clock this night. "Come alone, or you will not see me. It shall be at your own option entirely, to convert the meeting into a hostile one or not.

This is a date invitation. You will not convince me otherwise.

You need send me no answer to this. If you are at the place I mention at the time I have named, well and good. If you an not, I can only, if I please, imagine that you shrink from a meeting with "FRANCIS VARNEY."

A shrewd move on Varney's part. "Be there or I'll think you're chicken" is devastatingly effective on Charles Holland.

"I will show this vampyre, if he be such," he said, "that I am not afraid to meet him, and alone, too, at his own hour—at midnight, even when, if his preternatural powers be of more avail to him than at any other time, he can attempt, if he dare, to use them."

CHARLES. This invitation has "MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP" written all over it in giant red letters. You idiot.

It would have been far more prudent had Charles informed Henry Bannerworth or George of his determination to meet the vampyre that evening, but he did not do so. Somehow he fancied it would be some reproach against his courage if he did not go, and go alone, too, for he could not help suspecting that, from the conduct of his uncle, Sir Francis Varney might have got up an opinion inimical to his courage.

CHARLES.

His intention, it would seem, has shifted from the object of a duel, though he does prepare a couple of pistols to take with him. You know, because those have been proven to work so well on Varney in the past. Charles' new goal is to confront Varney on the subject of his true nature, and determine once and for all if he's really a vampire - a Scooby-Doo unmasking, in other words. I'm sure there's no possible way this could go wrong.

Charles and Flora have another ~romantic~ conversation.

"It is misfortune and distress that tries love," said Charles. "It is thus that the touchstone is applied to see if it be current gold indeed, or some base metal, which by a superficial glitter imitates it." "And your love is indeed true gold." "I am unworthy of one glance from those dear eyes if it were not."

Yeah, it's more of this.

Also some of this:

"Do not run into danger, Charles." "I will not. Believe me, Flora, I have too much appreciation of the value of an existence which is blessed by your love, to encounter any needless risks."

[slams head against desk] Charles.

"And yet you have a sense of what you call honour, which, I fear, would lead you into much risk." "I have a sense of honour; but not that foolish one which hangs far more upon the opinions of others than my own."

Oh yeah, not that kind of honor. This definitely has nothing to do with anyone's opinion of you. Hold on, what was that line from earlier?

Somehow he fancied it would be some reproach against his courage if he did not go, and go alone, too, for he could not help suspecting that, from the conduct of his uncle, Sir Francis Varney might have got up an opinion inimical to his courage.

Charles I swear to god.

Rymer now expects us to believe Charles and Flora spend an entire hour just talking about how much they love each other. Dude, would it kill you to give them a shared interest or something?

They pictured to themselves the scene where first they met, and with a world of interest hanging on every word they uttered, they told each other of the first delightful dawnings of that affection which had sprung up between them, and which they fondly believed neither time nor circumstance would have the power to change or subvert.

Earlier, in chapter 6, I made fun of the line where the author implies Charles and Flora's relationship consists entirely of "mutually affectionate glances"; however, this would appear to have been proven factually correct.

He knew not what impulse came over him then, but for the first time he kissed the cheek of the beautiful girl. With a heightened colour she gently repulsed him.

It was a different time, I guess.

A strange heaviness came across his spirits, which before had been so unaccountably raised. He felt as if the shadow of some coming evil was resting on his soul—as if some momentous calamity was preparing for him, which would almost be enough to drive him to madness, and irredeemable despair. "What can this be," he exclaimed, "that thus oppresses me? What feeling is this that seems to tell me, I shall never again see Flora Bannerworth?"

COMMON SENSE, Charles.

Next: Varney the Vampire is brought to you by Audible.com

#varney the vampire #varney summary #charles holland #admiral bell #flora bannerworth #varney/charles #this is a rymer hate blog

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