#backgrounds suck ass to do ugh
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a-noodle-doodle · 13 days ago
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smoke break :)
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gloxk · 1 year ago
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Sneaky linkin’
(Eren Y. Armin A. Connie S.)
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A/N: i’m not COMPLETELY back, but I am making a slight improvement w my mental health… so here’s sum slight for yall🤷🏽‍♀️. I kinda hate this but maybe yall will like it..ion know. Luv ya tho. 17+.
Synopsis: Aot men as sneaky links.
Warning: Smut.. F/M
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Eren! ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 ———Back seat bandit
Eren..is definitely a back seat bandit. It’s mainly because he has a nice car, why not show it off?
Now, all i’m going to say is (Persian rugs- jacquees version.) Oh lawwwd, he definitely plays that while giving the most sloppiest, nastiest, messiest, back arching back shots ever. This man does NOT play.
Hair puller, choker, dirty talker. He’s the type to make you tell him how good he’s fucking you. “Uh-huh, right there? You like that baby?” And you better tell him too.
The hair pulling thing just comes by instinct. You could be giving this man the sloppiest head ever, deep throating him till hes hitting the back of your esophagus and all. The type of head that makes him feel like he’s shifting reality. He will tug your hair to get a real good look at your face, saliva dripping down your chin and red coating your face. A face that just screams ‘ Am I making you happy?’. He would stare at you with a shit eating grin just while the camera flash hits your face.
Degrading as fuck. He would just say some shit to boost his ego during sex. “I know you like that shit, stop acting like you don’t.” & “You can scream my name louder than that. Try again.” & “Stop fuckin running.” Don’t be fooled now, he’s also going to talk you through it and give you reassurance. “You doin so good f’me.” & “it’s all yours mami.” & “You look so pretty right now.”
Ugh this man just loves to have his hand wrapped around your body. Around your waist, neck, thighs, hands—it don’t matter to him. He loves touching on you. Any time yall link his hands just find their way over your body.
Connie! ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 ——— Any time any where
Connie..is the type of guy who can fuck ANYWHERE. Car, room, closet, random family bathroom at a gas station—he don’t care.
If you’re down, he’s down. Y’all could be out shopping and he fucks you in the dressing room.
This man LOVES when you ride him. He would just watch you in awe while you bounce up and down on him.
Definitely a talker during sex, he loves telling you how good you’re doing. “Mhm—fuck—I love when you do that.” & “Cmoonn look at me while you do it.” & “Arch that back mama.”
Now, he’s a recorder. He records everything. He has a little folder in his phone dedicated to your link ups.
Although he’s gonna dick you down anywhere he can, his favorite place is the shower. Got some music playing in the background (P power - gunna) while he’s plowing into you. The shower couldn’t even cover up your loud moans.
Pull out ? Nah, “You wanna be grown, let’s be grown baby.” He doesn’t believe in wasting, so either you sucking it up or taking that shit.
Armin! ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 ——— munch
Armin..is an eater. He’s gonna eat like it’s his last meal every fucking time. His tongue game is vicious. Absolutely diabolical, the messiest head you will ever get.
Salvia dripping on the couch, tears falling from your eyes due to overstimulation, legs locking around his head—he still wouldn’t stop. He won’t stop till you force him to.
Hold on now, Armin ain’t just an eater, he got good dick too. He’s a saint that’s gonna fuck you like a sinner. Let him get some liquor in his system and you’re going to be begging for round 2.
Speaking of drunk Armin, he’s gonna fuck you against a wall. Just something that’s going to happen one way or the other. One leg in the air while the other dangles just above the floor, his hands gripping on your ass so hard it leaves a mark.
Oh it doesn’t stop there either, he’s going to stumble his way to the bed and take you there too.
Hella vocal whimpering, moaning, whispering. He’s going to let you know your pussy good. “God-you feel so fuckin good.” & “Please keep doing that.”
Loves teaching you new things, different kinks, positions, anything of the sort. I know he just loves exploring and experimenting things with you. He’s a freaky freak for sure. <3
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whore…
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wandussyfantasy · 8 months ago
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You Suck, Let's Fuck
Request from anon: g!p reader x Wanda pairing. background: reader and pietro are best friends and have been since childhood. reader and wanda never got along but secretly have crushes on each other. wanda is jealous because reader is a player and has hooked up with all of wanda’s friends, and reader just uses those girls to distract from not being able to have wanda because they don’t want to ruin their friendship with pietro. it all comes to a head when reader saves wanda from a handsy at a house party and the tension between them is too much and they confess their feelings and have sex.
Summary: Y/n is frustrated when Wanda's friends form a pact to not sleep with her anymore.
Pairings: Wanda x NB!AMAB!Reader
Word Count: 4,596
WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT READ & DO NOT INTERACT!!! smut, gn!reader amab, powerbottom!wanda, fingering, dirty talk, fluff, masturbation, sex toys, public touching, fantasies, and teasing.
𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.
“Pietro! Y/n! You're both dead!” Wanda screeches from the top of the stairs of the basement. You and Pietro look at each other and laugh. You hand him the joint that the two of you are passing back and forth. Wanda stomps her way down the stairs and neither of you move from your seats. You're on a bean bag chair and Pietro is sitting on an expensive gaming chair. The pair of you are playing a zombie game together. “You idiots think you're so fuckin funny don't you?” She points to her face with sharpie dicks drawn around it. “This isn't funny, I have to go to work unlike you bums!”
“Hey, we work,” you say defensively. Then a mischievous smirk pulls on your lips. “As a matter of fact, we're working right now,” you point to the camera that is pointed at you and Pietro, “say hi to our audience!”
Wanda’s eyes nearly pop out of her head as she sees herself on the computer screen monitoring the live stream. “Ugh! I hate you!” She runs up the stairs feeling completely humiliated. You and Pietro break out laughing. You can't help but check out her ass as she storms off.
“Woah! Hey! What are you doing?” Pietro shouts because your character in the game is being attacked by a hoard of zombies.
“Shit!” You say as you quickly get back into the game. There are crude comments on the stream being left about Wanda and some comments of how they caught you checking her out. You don't notice them as you continue playing the game with Pietro.
••••
“Wanda! Hurry up! We don't have all night!” You shout down the hall. The house you lived in with the twins had four bedrooms and two bathrooms on the main level. It was a small off campus house. There used to be a fourth roommate. She's still Wanda’s best friend but she moved out. You couldn't remember why. Wanda runs out of the bathroom in a little black dress with her hair and makeup done. She usually didn't do this much when going out and her look made you do a double take. This was not the Wanda you grew up with. And you couldn't tell if you liked it or not.
“Alright, let's go,” she says as she walks past you.
“Woah, you're going out like that? Where are you going to put your wallet or your phone? You can't leave like that,” you say as you catch up to her.
Wanda shrugs with a sultry smile, “Do you have a problem with the way I look?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” you state. “I think you're setting women back a hundred years and quite frankly, I find it offensive.”
Wanda makes a “really” face and scoffs. “Ah so you're a feminist today?” She shakes her head as she opens the front door. “You're such a hey mama sometimes.”
You roll your eyes, you hate being called that. “Why did anyone ever think there needed to be a lesbian version of fuckboi?” You groan as you follow her out the door.
“Will you ladies hurry! I'm not trying to get my rating down because you two take ages to get ready!” Pietro grouches from the backseat of the Uber. He hands the driver a hundred dollar bill to avoid a rating lower than five stars. You lock the front door before you climb into the car with the twins. “You're going out like that?” Pietro asks his sister. “You never go out like that.”
“That's what I'm saying!” You throw your hands up.
“Good for you sis,” Pietro holds his fist of for Wanda to bump. She does so with a laugh. “I hope you feel comfortable and confident because you look great.”
You make noises to express your shock with your mouth open. Wanda smiles at you and puts her fingers under your chin. “Close your mouth, don't want to catch any bugs.”
You clamp your mouth shut and narrow your eyes at her. “I'm not paying for your drinks.”
Wanda shrugs and slips her hand away from you. “I never asked you to.”
“Will you two stop bickering? We're supposed to have fun tonight. So let's just have fun,” Pietro says.
“P, we have been friends since we were five years old. Wanda and I have been enemies for the same length of time. You're still not used to this? It's the dynamic,” you defend yourself. Wanda agrees with you. “See?”
Pietro shakes his head. “It's gotten old. I thought that living together the two of you would at least try to get along.” He crosses his arms over his chest as he grows upset. “But no, all you two ever want to do is fight. It's exhausting living with you.”
“Ooh, I think he's really mad,” Wanda mutters as she looks between you and her brother. Neither of you take him serious and the both of you bust out laughing
Pietro glares at the both of you. “Excuse me, Happy? Do you mind pulling over just up ahead?” The Uber driver pulls over and stalls the car. “Both of you, out,” Pietro says with a fed up tone. You look at him like he's crazy but he doesn't let it go. You and Wanda start to apologize but in doing so, you two start arguing over whose fault it is. So you both exit the car and he takes the Uber the rest of the way to the party.
“Unbelievable,” you mumble as you shake your head. “You couldn't have just not been so irritating for once?” You gesture, frustrated with her and with the situation.
“Me?” Wanda is offended by the accusation and lack of accountability. “You're the one who wouldn't shut up about my outfit. Which by the way, I don't understand why it bothers you so damn much. It's not any different from what the girls who catch your eye wear!”
“Is that what you're trying to do, Wanda?” You ask, annoyed with the implication that you are as simple minded as any guy. If only she knew how you really felt about her. But you couldn't do that to your best friend. You wouldn't.
“Gross, don't think so highly of yourself,” her face is convincingly disgusted but deep down the answer is yes. “I'm just tired of being overlooked! I'm hot dammit and tonight, I'm finally going to get laid!” Wanda starts walking in the direction of the fraternity where the party was being hosted.
You jog to catch up with her, “Wanda, you can't be serious. You’re not that type of girl.”
“What makes you so sure that I'm not? I can be any type of girl I want to be,” she fires back stubbornly. “Tonight, I'm going to be like you.”
“Fine, whatever,” you say, annoyed that she'd use your actions against you. “Just be careful. There are a lot of guys who won't think twice about taking advantage of you.”
“Oh, is that what you do to the girls that dress like this?” She retorts.
You shake your head, hurt by the accusation. “That’s low, even for you. Look, all I was trying to do was prepare you. But you don't want my help. Fine.” You walk a bit faster than her to create a distance between the two of you. Wanda feels stupid for the comment but she doesn't apologize. She just keeps the distance between the two of you as you guys walk to the party.
••••
You are talking with Natasha, Wanda’s best friend, with a flirtatious smirk. She looked like she was on a mission to get someone's attention and though you doubt it was yours, she had it. “Hey, why did you move out? We could have had so much fun together,” you say as you play with her hair.
Natasha rolls her eyes, “We had our fun and then you proceeded to treat me like I never existed to you. Yeah, no thank you.”
You pout, “Oh come on, are you still upset about that? I'm not the commiting type. You know that.” You put your hand on the wall above her head, somewhat trapping her between you and the wall. Your bicep flexes and you catch her ogling you. That gives you the upper hand and you smirk. “If I remember correctly, that's all you wanted because you were trying to get over that Maria chick.” You lean in close and whisper, “I believe I cleared your mind of her for hours that night.”
Natasha shivers at the memory and almost kisses you. But she clears her throat and steps away from you. “No one likes being treated like they're invisible. No matter what the circumstances are,” she says before she walks away.
You frown and shake your head. You look around the room and find Wanda chatting with her friend Carol. You smirk as you recall being able to convince her to join you for a sleepover more than once. You walk over to them with intentions to get Carol to walk away with you. “Hey,” you start as you approach.
“Nope,” Carol walks away from you and Wanda and you frown.
“Damn, two strikes in less than ten minutes. What's wrong with my game?” You ask yourself out loud then you take a sip from your cup.
“They made a pact against you,” Wanda says over the loud music. You make a face, thrown off by the news. “You can't keep sleeping with my friends. They're done with you and your hey mama ways.”
You groan at the term. “Will you stop calling me that?”
“Sure,” Wanda says simply. “Just stop being one,” she walks away before you can start an argument. You start to look around the party to find someone you haven't slept with that you think you have a shot with. But it was slim pickings. You sighed as you feared that it would just be you and your fleshlight tonight.
••••
As you make your way through the house, you hear some commotion. Instead of ignoring it, you search for the source. “Stop,” Wanda says as a guy pulls her onto his lap. She swats at his hands as he tries to slip them up her dress.
“Come on baby,” the guy says, “you know you want this.” He doesn't let up and puts his hands on her breasts.
You burst through the room and pull Wanda off of him. “Get away from her!”
“Woah chill,” the guy holds his hands up. “We were just having some fun.”
You raise your fist In disgust and Wanda catches you. “Y/n! Cut it out!” You turn around, astonished that even when you defend her she's annoyed with you. “He wasn't doing anything I didn't want,” she says.
You scowl, “Don't defend him! I heard you tell him to stop!”
“He was tickling me, you know how much I hate that,” she raises her voice to match your level.
“I'm just going to go,” the guy says awkwardly.
“You stay,” she points to the guy. “You go,” she points at you.
“No, I'm not leaving you with this guy,” you state stubbornly.
“Get out!” She says as she tries to push you away. “Why do you have to ruin everything for me?”
You don't know what comes over you when you pull her in and plant your lips against yours. She breaks away from your kiss and smacks you across the face. You both stare at each other in shock then she grabs you by the collar of your shirt and pulls you in for another kiss. This one is a lot more aggressive than the previous.
“Now is the time for me to go,” the guy says as he slips out of the room, shutting the door behind him. You and Wanda are too lost in each other to care.
She starts to unbutton your shirt and you're surprised that she is being so assertive. You walk backwards until you fall onto the couch with your lips still attached to hers. She straddles your hips while kissing you. Her teeth clamp down on your bottom lip and you groan in pleasure. You put your hands on her ass and boldly give her right cheek a light smack. She yelps, “No, don't do that.”
“Okay,” you say just before kissing her again. For years you've refrained from doing this. Every time you had the urge, you redirected your attention to one of her friends. Each of them had a few traits that reminded you of Wanda. It felt like since you couldn't have the real her, you could settle for pieces that reminded you of her. Now that you have her, you don't think you could ever go back to before this.
“Do you have a condom on you?” Wanda asks as she rolls her hips on your bulging member.
“Yeah,” you say as if the answer was obvious. You pull out your wallet from your pocket and fish out the prophylactic. Wanda dips her hand between her legs and you thought she was adjusting her underwear but instead she was unzipping your fly. You jump a little when she slips her hand through your boxers and pulls your cock through the hole. You moan as you finally feel her stroke you after years of fantasizing about the day her hand would touch your cock for the first time. You almost cum right then and there.
“Let me see that,” Wanda says as she takes the package from your hand. She tears it open and delicately pulls the condom onto your hard cock.
You slip your fingers up before dress and lick your lips in anticipation to find out what kind of underwear she has on. But as you do, you graze her in a way that makes her squirm. “Stop, I said I don't like tickling,” she scolds.
“I wasn't trying to tickle you. I was trying to pull your panties down,” you state.
Wanda smirks and leans in close to whisper in your ear, “I haven't worn any all night.” Your hips jerk up in response and it makes her giggle. You pull her into another passionate kiss. Hoping to convey everything you feel towards her in the kiss without having to talk about it.
As she kisses you back, she hovers her pussy over your cock and passes the tip of your penis through her folds as she blindly aligns you with her entrance. The feeling of her warm pussy lips against your sensitive tip has your hips rolling instinctively. And you enter her. “Oh fuck! Geez you're so impatient,” Wanda snaps at you.
You chuckle as you start nibbling on her ear lobe. “I can take it slow but,” you push your cock further into her and grunt from the pleasure. “We don't have too long here. You want slow,” you lift her up by her ass to give you room to thrust into her. “Sneak into my room one of these nights. I'll show you a good time for a long time.”
Wanda moans as you thrust your thick dick into her. “Mmm, should I take that as an invitation? Or are you just,” her mouth opens in a gasp as you start to rub her cliterous. Your lips move about the sweaty skin of her exposed chest. Her taste has you feeling more intoxicated than any drop of alcohol ever has.
“It's an invitation,” you whisper against her neck. “You just have to keep quiet.”
“Oh sure you tell me to be quiet but when it comes to every other girl,” Wanda gripes, recalling past arguments of asking you to keep things quiet at night whenever you had a girl in your room. Especially when it was one of her close friends.
“They're not, mph, my best friend's sister,” you moan as Wanda's walls squeeze your dick. “Unless you want Pietro to hear,” Wanda covers your mouth with her hand making you laugh. She joins you in laughing and you stop moving, she sits on your lap with your dick inside of her while the two of you laugh. Wanda removes her hand from your mouth and gazes into your eyes for a moment. She knows that slow isn't the pace you go. She knows that this could be the only time she has your attention. She is grateful for this moment because she can believe that you love her. She can tell herself that this is more than what it is, even though she won't believe it tomorrow.
You get lost in her eyes and in the heat of the moment. You almost confess everything you've been dying to tell her for years. You can feel it on the tip of your tongue as you gaze into her hazel eyes. You don't say anything and hope that your actions speak for themselves. You pull out of her and sit her next to you on the couch. You don't have much time because you don't know what Pietro is up to and the chances of him walking into this room are too high. You do want to have a chance to take your time with her. You have to give her a reason to come to your room.
“What are you doing?” Wanda asks as she watches you pull the condom off and put your erection back into your pants. “Did I do something wrong?”
You shake your head. “Since when have you cared if you’ve done something wrong?” You ask as you get on your knees in front of her. Her curious eyes follow your hands as they force her dress up, causing the tight fabric tear in order to get it over her ass. You pull her closer to you by her thighs. “You didn't do anything wrong, but I need to get you finished off so we can get out of here before we're missed.” You explain as you trail kisses along her thighs.
“Oh,” she gasps out, “Wha-wha-what about yyou?” She stutters as you begin to lick her sensitive pussy.
You smirk and lean back slightly to look up at her, “You've never worried about me before. Don't start now,” you wink at her before you return your focus to devouring her. She tangles her fingers in your hair to keep you close as your tongue enters her. You eat her out like she's the last meal you'll have on earth. If she was, you wouldn't mind one bit. Her hips gyrate as she starts to ride your face. She moans as you expertly move your tongue around, humming a song to make your tongue vibrate.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Wanda cries out as you please her in ways she didn't know possible. You're not the first person to go down on her. But you are the first person to make it enjoyable. So much so that when she reaches her climax, her whole body is shaking for a few minutes. Her pussy twitches as you lick up as much of her juices as you can. You pull away from her and smile at her with your face glistening from her arousal. She giggles as she pulls you up and licks her juices from your face. You groan from how much the action has turned you on. Then she kisses your lips.
“Now it's your turn,” she tries to pull you closer with her hand on your crotch without breaking from the kiss too much.
You smile as you pull away completely, “You'll have to thank me later.” You straighten yourself out and help her fix herself up a bit. She laughs at the red lipstick stains that she left behind on your face and chest.
“You might want to sneak into a bathroom,” she suggests with a smile.
“Good idea,” you nod at her. “I guess I'll see you at home then,” you say as you walk out of the room.
••••
You are sleeping when Wanda slips into your room. You don't sleep in pajamas and this is how she finds out. You're naked when she lifts the covers. She quickly drops the blanket. Startled by the sight at first. She shakes her head, embarrassed by her own reaction. You were inside of her a few hours ago and she slipped into the room with the intention of pleasuring your body. But it's different. She hadn't seen your body until now. Other than flashes from the years she's known you.
She takes a deep breath and lifts the blanket again. Her eyes widen at your size and she's surprised you fit inside of her. You weren't even hard yet. You twitch in your sleep and that causes something next to your leg to fall. She catches it before it hits the floor because she doesn't want you to wake up yet. She looks at it and realizes that it's a fake pussy.
She had no idea that you owned a flashlight. Your cum leaks out of it and she feels herself grow aroused by the idea of being pumped full of your cum. She gulps, surprised by herself. She has never wanted to be someone’s cum dump before but the idea of being yours has her growing hot and bothered.
She keeps the toy in her hand and climbs on the bed. She straddles your legs and starts by licking the length of your cock. It starts to come to life while you continue to sleep. She wonders what you could be dreaming about while she wraps her lips around the head of your penis. She licks and sucks on the sensitive area, trying to wake you up at this point. You thrust your hips up, pushing more of your cock into her mouth but you don't open your eyes or show any other sign of consciousness.
She had no idea that you were such a heavy sleeper. Wanda starts to bob her head up and down on your cock, getting you to stiffen up more. She couldn't believe how much this scandalous act was turning her on. She stops sucking on your cock and shoves it inside of the fleshlight.
Wanda uses the toy to jerk you off. “Fuck, Wanda,” you mutter in your sleep. She is flattered that you're dreaming about her. But she doesn't get too caught up in an idea that it might mean anything other than just sexual attraction.
Wanda giggles as she gets an idea. She crawls up to your ear as she continues to use the toy on you. “Mmm, Y/n,” she moans into your ear. Instead, you smile with your eyes closed. “You're so big. You're bigger than anyone I've ever had. Oh yeah, oh yeah,” she pants and squeaks as much as she can in order to get you to wake up. It isn't until she starts kissing your neck that you startle awake.
“Woah!” You shoot up in the bed and look down to see Wanda’s hand wrapped around the chunky base of your fleshlight. “Woah,” you repeat in a calmer tone as you look over at Wanda. She is blushing. You lay back down with your arms behind your head with your head turned to her. Watching her as she continues to pump your dick. “I'm surprised to see you here.”
Wanda shrugs as if it's suddenly not a big deal. “Eh, I owed you one. I figured that the faster I repay you, the better.”
You chuckle softly. “You do realize that I wouldn't have ever asked you to return the favor?”
“No,” Wanda answers shyly. She stops moving her hand. “Are you saying I should stop?”
You put your hand over hers and start moving the toy again as you maintain eye contact. “Now why would I ever say that?” You lean in and kiss her lips. The kiss is aggressive as you hold her hand still and start thrusting into the toy. Fucking it as hard as you want to be fucking her. “I'm surprised you went with the toy,” you say when you break the kiss.
“I wasn't sure where you kept your condoms and,” she looks over at your bedroom door nervously. “And I don't want to risk Pietro finding out just how loud I can get when the sex is good.”
You chuckle, taking her caution as a compliment. “My condoms are in the drawer by the bed. But you were smart not to look for them because, mmph, you were quite a screamer earlier.”
“Shut up,” she says as she starts to move the pocket pussy faster. She wants to make you cum so badly at this point. “Damn, do you always last this long?” She complains as her hand starts to get tired. She moves back to her position of straddling your lap so that she can use both hands.
“You say that as if it's a bad thing,” you snort as you watch her struggle.
“It is when I have work in the morning,” she complains again. “I should have known your dick would be as annoying as you are.”
“Is it my dick or is it because I'm picturing your grandma that one summer that she wore that one bathing suit-”
“Gross! You're thinking about that?” She makes a face and you laugh.
“It's an old trick, otherwise I'd cum before anyone I ever slept with.”
“Well, can you stop thinking about her and just focus on me?”
You smirk as you sit up. You lift Wanda slightly by her ass so that her chest is in your face. “May I?” You ask, pointing at her chest. She nods her head as she watches you.
You pull her oversized sleep shirt over your head. You kiss up her stomach until you reach her breasts. With your eyes closed your body can't tell the difference between the toy and a real pussy. Especially when you have Wanda's real breast in your mouth. With a couple of rigid thrusts you cum inside of the toy and groan against Wanda’s chest.
You give her breasts each a soft kiss before removing your head from under her shirt.
“Happy now?” You ask as you lay breathlessly against your mattress.
“No,” she groans uncomfortably. “Now I'm too turned on.” You shake your head and roll your eyes.
You climb out of your bed and pull the toy off of your softening dick. You go into your closet and pull out the promotional box that Adam & Eve sent you so that you could endorse their brand and their products. You pull out one of the many new vibrators. It's still in its packaging. “Here,” you say as you hand her the box. “Take this and get out. I'm tired and I don't want your brother to hear you.”
“He's here?”
“Yeah, I helped him get into his bed. So just take this and go.”
“Thanks I guess,” Wanda laughs to herself. “Geez I didn't realize your room was a sex shop.”
“The beauty of influencing. You get free shit and all you have to do is look pretty online,” you hop back into your bed.
“Thank you for this, um goodnight,” she kisses you on the lips one more time before crawling out of your bed and leaving your room.
You sigh happily as you go to sleep, excited for what this might open up for your future relationship with Wanda.
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holnnetd · 23 days ago
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Catfisher!König Part 1
Warning: Suggestive content, mentions of pornography, misogyny, low-key incel behaviour, please be 18 or older if you read this!
Basically college loser!König cat fishing reader for some nudes.
In my defence, I was reading something about a cat shifter, but with my dyslexic ass brain I read catfish, and now it can't get out of my head.
This is the first part, explaining the context a little, to get into the juicy part go to part 3 (Nah I lied to you, part 3 has no smut, I changed my mind it will come in part 4)😊.
This is only fiction, please remember.
Teen!König is an absolute nerd, going to collage just because mommy said that would make her proud. She would only agree to let him join the army after he graduates, of course. Does it matter that he's an adult and doesn't have to listen to his mother's wishes? Absolutely not, he's a mamas boy. And if she wishes he goes to collage, he will.
But sadly for him, school is merciless. In military you have some kind of camaraderie, but collage? Hah, nom..
If you think people grow out of being assholes, you are only half right.
Do guys make fun of him because he's socially awkward? No, they do make fun of him for never getting laid though. It's not like he has a reason to be celibate, no religious background or not any other reason.
He just gets no cunt. Easy. Fucking virgin.
But he does have friends! Or that's what they call themselves!
Do they make demeaning comments about him and straight up just make fun of him in every way possible? Yeah, but that's how boys are. Right?
Not that it matters, he doesn't care about a group of boys bullying him. It's the girls in his classes.
Fuck, those are merciless. Or so he says. Of course a pretty girl with decent grades only gets it through sleeping, he says, fully believing his weird incel like comment.
And every time a conventionally attractive girl looks at him wrong, he's on and about how he doesn't need a lady in his life. He's better off on his own. Yeah König, go sleep with your mom when you're at it.
Tsk.
And there is you. Yes, long introduction, I know. I had to build up the climax (haha)
A gorgeous, overly feminine, hot, confident woman. Ugh, he gets hard when you walk by and he gets a whiff of that smell.
And his bestest of asshole fuckboy friends, seem to take a notice in his little crush, not that he would say it out loud, but he looks like he jacked off to you at least thrice this week.
"Eh, you like?" That one loudest guy ask, jabbing his elbow into Königs side as their gases follows your ass.
König grunts out a noise, probably confirmation.
"Fucking sucks you're ugly." He snickers and that ass kissing fucker behind him laughs too, trying to get closer to that guy's fucking asshole. Tsk.
König rolls his eyes, giving him a dismissive side eye. "Don't you have a girlfriend to fuck, Rody? I'm sure she has been complaining about your bed performance to her friends lately." He scoffs back.
Rody chuckles and shakes his head. "Don't matter. She doesn't know what's fucking good for her." He hums and that boot licker agrees, making some degenerate comment.
Both König and Rody shoot him an annoyed look. No one stands this guy but he refuses to leave their side. A thorn dressed as a leaf, really.
"But if you're that desperate to get something from her, just text her from a fake account. I assure you she won't answer the profile you're stalking her with." He huffs and König scoffs in annoyance. "Why are you so invested in my account activity, Bruder?"
But later that night, in a desperate attempt to get off he started browsing for some good old porn, hoping to get his sickly horny mind off of your body, but not one of those overly erotic videos seems to be getting him off.
Browsing through the categories didn't do shit to him. Solo female? Too old, too old, too plastic, too small toy, too loud and this one doesn't look of age, nope. Absolutely not.
That's not it.
But staring at those he did get an idea, getting crafty after his super friendly asshole friend inspired him.
..., Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
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deeply-unserious-fellow · 1 year ago
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EVERY SONG IN ZOMBIES 1-3 SUMMED UP IN ONE SENTENCE:
ZOMBIES 1:
My Year: SEGREGATION: THE MUSICAL!
Fired Up: Candy Store for Elementary Schoolers
Someday: What if Romeo and Juliet actually had chemistry?
BAMM: ZOMBIE RAVE LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOO
Someday - Ballad: Literally just Someday but slower
Stand: The exact midpoint between Speechless from the 2019 Aladdin remake and Never Too Late from Elena of Avalor
Fired Up - Competition: Holy SHIT that beat drop is SATISFYING as FUCK- wait why did they replace Trevor Tordjman on the album version-
BAMM - Block Party: We did it guys, we solved racism!:D
ZOMBIES 2:
We Got This: Wait shit nevermind guys we didn't solve racism :(
We Own The Night: Those Tik Toks about kids pretending to be wolves on the playground sum this up better then I ever could tbh
Like The Zombies Do: *SP Goth Kids voice*Ugh, comformists...
Gotta Find Where I Belong: This song has the EXACT same energy as every single popular GLMV song from 2018 istg
Call to the Wild: This song is really lame tbh Chandler Kinney was carrying the werewolf songs in this movie
I'm Winning: The most forgettable song in the entire franchise
Flesh & Bone: LITERALLY THE BEST SONG IN THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE
Someday - Reprise: Someday - Ballad but different in a way I can't describe that makes it like 100x better then any other version of the song
One For All: The second most forgettable song in the entire franchise
The New Kid In Town: HOLY SHIT THEY NEED TO LET ARIEL SING MORE HER VOICE IS SO PRETTY-
ZOMBIES 3:
Alien Invasion: OH GOD OH FUCK WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE- WAIT NO ADDISON DON'T DO THAT!!!!!
Ain't No Doubt About It: Zeddison fighting off existential dread together
Come On Out: We Own the Night if it was actually good
Exceptional Zed: ...Why the fuck are all these adults idolizing a teenager like this wHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TOWN-
Exceptional Zed (Reprise): Literally the only thing that stuck out to me about this song was Bucky pointing at himself in the background lmfao
I'm Finally Me: Addison has solved her identity crisis, NOW IT'S TIME FOR SOME SICK ASS BACKFLIPS!!!!!!!!!
Someday: IM NOT CRYING YOUR CRYING FUCK YOU
Nothin But Love: Okay, NOW we've solved racism :)
What Is This Feeling: Yeah no I can see why they cut this one out it kinda sucks
I'll prolly do a part 2 when the show comes out w/ all the songs from that/the shorts, but that won't be for like a year so like whatever-
Part 2
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wonik1ss · 9 months ago
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౨ৎ Stay Until 2 ? — kim minji
001. age changer + written | masterlist
taglist : @technicallyimportantsweets @juhyunsthirdwife @jjkills @kimakento @fluffyji @somedaydream @emphobics @zey1ltn @lovepjohootoa @takpayahtahu @nwjsenthusiast @baewonlove @aeriniee @mygfiswonyoung @heekkicr @jinsoulinator @addorations @ssoursss @klvarchives @yerimbrit @gayforalll @haerinsloverr @slowlydifferentbluebird @yawnzlvr @technicallyimportantsweets @juhyunsthirdwife @kimakento @deersteel @hannibangggg @popasi @rianosis @jkwsel @eternalgayshits @dearyujimin
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you took a deep breath before you turned on your stream. after a few minutes the comments started to roll in and your giggled did too. minju being one of them made your smile burn brighter.
“hay bun buns ! today we are going to be doing something a little different.. one of you will get to play fortnite with me..”. as you sighed your rolled your eyes at the comments.
@juju.beat — LET ME JOIN AND WHOP YOUR ASS !
@fan2821 — YAHH
@fan3826 — I miss haerin :(
“your so funny minju !”. you rolled your eyes as you looked to see minju donated 0.33 cents.
@juju.beat — suck it ;D <3
you made a heart to the camera then flipped it off, and more and more comments came.
“if you want to join me just check my newest tweet and put down your Fortnite user and discord so we can chat why’ll we play !”. after posting the tweet for a few minutes you just talked to your fan. while a couple miles away sixteen year old hyein was ecstatic to join her favorite youtuber. hurriedly hyein responded the the tweet her favorite bts playlist playing in the background.
then after a few minutes of geeking out hyein stationed herself at her computer loading Fortnite and discord in her pink pajama’s.
“hyein-ah get to sleep now !”
“yes mom !”. hyein ran to turn of her lights and after a few minutes turned on her leds. meanwhile you finally stopped drowning on about your new cat. opening up twitter for your stream your scrolled and waited a few minutes.
“and…. hye_iup on Fortnite and discord won ! pls accept my friend requests and we will finally start some gameplay !”. hyein eyes half opened jumped. did you actaully say her name?
just to be sure hyein checked and you were requesting to follower her. after some breathing exercises hyein accepted voice and joined your discord call.
“hi.. how are you?”
“42”. you paused. surely your hearing things..
“ok.. do you want to just jump-“
“ofcourse can’t wait to beat you this will be soooo easy”. you sat stunned for a minute before your competitiveness kicked in.
“I’ve been practicing !”. hyein pretend to yawn.
“we’re you practicing that one time haerin snipped you on her first game..”. your chat erupted and your jaw dropped.
“stop trash talking me and join the game!”. hyein giggled and then game began. a few fans snuck there way into your game and tried to help you. mean while hyein was dancing with a chicken.
“you have been quiet for a while.. um..”
“hyein ! and I’m dancing with a chicken ! remind me of my own..”. it took you a second to digest everything the girl had said.
“I’m grinding my ass off and you’re dancing withs chicken?”. for the discord called you heard two shots.
“she pulled a gun on me.. how disrespectful ! chicky would never do that to me..”
“your chickens named.. chicky..”
“Im.. se-twenty I’m not that creative sorry !”. after a few more minutes your both got into a flow. hyein would be doing some thing weird like dancing with the whole avatar crew.
“kinda wish kora was here though-“. you hummed and then heard two guns go off.
“she killed everyone”. you burst out laughing while hyein held a funeral for the gang.
or even meet you face to face but not know because you changed your skin.
“ugh.. idk why people choose bright skins there just asking to be killed..”. hyein went off for a good ten minutes before someone donated to you telling her that was you and she burst out laughing. two hours in hyein was complaining about her work when the game started to come to an end.
“like why did this old as teacher yell at me for not knowing geometry ! like- girl I learned that two years ago calm down”
“so your 17..?”
“totally”. as soon as that word left hyein’s mouth her character evaporated into thin air.
“WHAT THE- omg what !”. you giggled as Hyein went off.
“unfair !”. you could here her pout through the screen so you tried to brighten her mood.
“hay is it ok if I get your number so we can play more..? everyone seems to love your yelling..!”. hyein scoffed, but you were right. you usually had 50-200k people watching but you broke your highest record and had 3million people watching.
“uh— sure give me a sec..”. as you tapped your fingers on your desk hyein ran to her phone on her bed. after texting her bestfriend wonhak thirty times with no response she sighed and went back to her chair.
hyein was a troubled teen. with mostly b’s and some c’s and a f in phys ed. so when she asked for a phone for her sixteenth birthday she got a fat no. but you were y/n y/l/n ! so when hyein got back on the call she gave the only number she knew.
“sorry but I have school tomorrow bye ! can’t wait to beat you later !”. you giggled as after hyein left you ended your stream too. but as hyein brushed her teeth and finally went to sleep at twelve you texted ‘her’ at 12:15. the thing was the only number hyein knew that wasn’t a parents or cousins was minji her favorite cousins bestfriend.
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gothushi · 10 months ago
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U and bralker but u make them fuck and whoever cums first has to watch you fuck the other without touching themselves
i spent so long on this bc ugh… i just had to get it right. fem reader, voyeurism, mostly sub Simon but he’s just whiny, light spanking, unrealistic prep
“What?” Both Brendan and Simon gawk at the same time, well.. Simon gawks and Brendan just raises a brow.. The smirk on your face grows as you laugh, sat back comfortably in the chair in your room.
“You heard me. I wanna watch Brendan fuck you.” Your eyes avert to Simon first, then Brendan, “What? Not really any different than what we usually do.” Except what you three usually do involves all three of you.
“What about you?” You could’ve sworn there was a pout on Simon’s pretty lips as he asks.
“I wanna watch.” A smile graces your lips, smoothing a finger over your nail polish, admiring the rings on your finger before resting your hands in your lap, “So? Get to it, you aren’t shy are you?”
The slight mock seems to spur them on, well, Brendan at least, because the suited man is grasping Simon’s jaw and tugging him into a messy kiss. It pulls a noise from Simon, some strained kind of whine, taking just a moment to kiss back. One thing leads to another, grabby hands pushing off clothes until Simon’s getting pinned down, naked, some snarky remark being said about him getting fucked, which earns a hard slap on his thigh from Brendan.
“Ah! Easy,” He complains, back arching whilst Brendan’s hand shoves him face first against the bed, cheek smushing into the covers.
“Quiet Walker, just put on a pretty show, okay?” Brendan chuckles, sucking a ringed finger into his mouth to coat it with spit before rubbing at the rim of Simon’s exposed hole, making him gasp softly against the duvet on your bed. He pushes in, slow, other hand pressing down on the small of his back to accentuate his arch. Simon makes eye contact with you where you sit, his hands curling into the duvet, brows pushing together as he’s stretched. The Irishman is surprisingly gentle for now, letting him adjust before adding another finger. Walker bites his lip, blue eyes fluttering and struggling to maintain eye contact as he whines at the stretch.
His little noises fill the air for the few minutes Brendan stretches him, before he’s undoing his belt, the buckle clanking together as he doesn’t bother with fully taking off his pants, just shoving them open enough to get his aching cock out. You get to watch the way Simon’s eyes flutter and go hazy as Brendan smacks his cock on his hole a few times, and then watch those pretty blues squeeze shut with a pleasured look covering his face as he pushes in, easing in slow. “Fuuuck, look at that.” Big hands grope at Simon’s ass, letting him get used to the feeling before he sets a brutal pace.
Simon yelps, sounding like he’s been punched in the gut before he arches, gasps, starts moaning with every meet of Brendan’s balls against his own. It makes his face flush a deep red, color traveling down his neck as he squirms. “I have an idea.” You speak, grinning whilst Brendan doesn’t stop but just keeps a hand grasping on Simon’s ass as he looks at you, the other hung limp at his side..
“And what’s that idea, huh love?” How does Brendan sound so composed whilst fucking into him like that? Simon wants to whine, complain, but knows better than to interrupt you as you start speaking again, stuttering little moans escaping him as background noise.
“I have a surprise for whichever one of you cums first. Though you’re probably not gonna like it.”
“So– nnnhah– a punishment?” Walker pants, eyes struggling to stay open as he looks at you from on the bed.
“Smart boy,” You coo, grinning at him, “but I’m not telling you yet. So have your fun!” You wave your hands as if for them to continue even though Brendan hasn’t stopped fucking into him anyway. That does however prompt him to go faster, harder, making Simon whine as his body jolts with every thrust, hair falling in front of his eyes.
This is bad, Brendan’s angling his hips just right to continuously hit Simon’s prostate with every other thrust, his hands groping as the latters ass, knows his body too well and what things make him tick, sending him hurtling towards that pleasurable peak. His cock hangs between his thighs, leaking onto your bed, the sheer force of Brendan’s thrusts making his ass and the backs of his thighs turn pink from the skin on skin impact.
“Stop– asshole, fuh–hahh!” Words fail him as he grabs at the duvet in his fists, not even able to make eye contact with you anymore as he has to squeeze his eyes shut and focus on not cumming. Brendan only cackles a laugh, hand coming down to smack hard on Simon’s ass, “Ah! Oh fuck–“
“You’re gonna lose Walker, suck it up,” He groans, “barely even started too.” Brendan’s eyes flutter closed, hands on Simon’s ass for leverage before they slide down to grip his waist.
The hot hands gripping so hard they might bruise makes him let out a pathetic whimper, “Shut up– nngh!” Simon’s back bends, arching up before Brendan forces it back down, Simon’s knees parting further and sliding until he’s fully laid on his front, dripping cock pressed between his tummy and the bed. The sensation makes his eyes roll back into his skull, a lewd whine escaping him, “Stop– Brendan I’m gon- ah! I’m–“ He can’t even finish his sentence, hips grinding back on Brendan’s cock before down into the bed as he orgasms. His thighs shake, spasming, toes curling and feet kicking the bed as Brendan growls a moan and pulls out, panting.
“Simon loses!” You declare with a giggle, grinning wide.
“That he does,” Brendan agrees, smoothing his hands up and down Simon’s back in a soothing manner, the latter laying there like a wet sock. He grumbles something unintelligible, pulling another laugh from you.
“Don’t pout baby,” You coo, “you didn’t.. not agree to this.” With that said, you get up from your vanity chair and go over to Simon, kneeling down on the bed beside him with one knee as you bend down. A hand finds his hair, petting over him as he finishes catching his breath. He really never stood a chance. “You wanna know your punishment?”
He groans, “Just tell me.”
“You.. my handsome thing..” You start, kissing his temple which pulls a small hum from him, “have to sit over there and watch Brendan fuck me. And you can’t touch yourself.” The declaration makes him whine a bit, looking up at you.
“Really?
“Really.”
“Sounds pretty fuckin’ nice to me.” Brendan finally chimes in, now fully naked.
“Well– obviously!” Walker retorts, throwing a glare back at the Irishman. He cackles in response and spanks Simon once, making him yelp.
“Shut up and get in the chair.” Even though he doesn’t want to, he listens, reluctantly getting to his feet and moving to where you previously sat. He sits with a groan, half hard, never having fully softened. Cum coats his cock, sticky and smeared along the length as he lays his arms on the armrests of the chair.
“I really can’t touch myself, at all?” Walker complains softly, trying a pouty look.
“Not one finger.” You confirm, grinning as you lay back on your bed, thighs parting to invite Brendan between them. He wastes no time at all, crawling overtop you to kiss you deeply as he grinds his cock against you. The sensation makes you moan, getting lost in his kiss for a moment and looping your arms around his neck. One of Brendan’s fingers circle your clit, slow, deliberate, before dipping to feel how soaked you are. The feeling pulls a groan from his chest.
“Fuck Simon, she’s drippin’, y’like watchin’ us that much?”
A giggle fills the air, bubbling up your throat as you nod, “Yeah, you two listen to me really well.”
“Oh shut up,” The Irishman laughs, sliding into you in one slow motion. It makes both of you groan, and Simon whine, forced to just watch. He squirms a bit as Brendan starts to roll his hips into you deeply, a different movement than how he fucked Simon. It stutters a moan out of you, your back arching and you tilt your head back whilst Brendan’s lips cover your neck, “Fuck, there y’go..”
He grinds slow, deep, just how you like it and his cock reaches so deep, just bordering on painful, “Oh my God, fuck Brendan,” it leaves your lips as a whine, hands grabbing at his biceps with nails pushing into his skin.
Simon squirms a bit in his seat, cock aching now, and he digs his fingers against the armrests so as to not touch himself. His face feels flushed because of him watching you two, watching how Brendan’s hands push at your shoulder and thigh, his tongue licks up your neck hotly, nipping at your jaw before kissing you again. Arousal swirls in his gut, making him whine softly.
The noise makes you detach from the kiss and turn your head, whilst Brendan buries his face into your neck and kisses to resist the urge to cum already, “What, love? Feeling neglected?” You grin.
“Can’t I–“
“No.”
“Mmm c’mon–“
“No.”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s not– ah! not nice Simon.” The insult only brings a breathy laugh to your lips, and then Brendan pipes in with a groan.
“I’m putting you over my lap when I’m done with her.”
“Are not!”
“Yes he is, oh fuck–“ Your agreement tapers off into a whine, thighs squeezing Brendans waist, “Right there, please.” He obliges easily, anything you ask, a couple fingers skillfully rubbing your clit in circles, with just the right pressure to send your legs trembling and a warning on your lips, “Bren– I’m gonna–“
“Go on, cum on me.” The Irishman groans, sucking at your pulse point. The action sends you over the edge, legs tightening around him and spasming as you cum, hard, the sensation rolls through you with gasping moans, both men practically whining at the sight as Brendan cums as well. Panting fills the room, only interrupted by the quiet whiny noises Simon makes. Your head tilts, giving a tired grin at Simon, before turning to the one atop you,
“So, I get to watch you spank him right?”
————————♡
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Simon weeps, face flushed with tears wetting his cheeks, bent over Brendan’s naked thighs and practically falling off with how much his legs kick.
“Shoulda thought before you ran your fucking– “ Brendan’s hand tangles into the others hair, yanking his head up and pulling a cry from the other, “mouth. Apologize again.”
“I’m sorry!” He squeals, the Irishman’s ringed hand coming down on his ass again, the pain making his ears ring and his heart pound.
All the while you watch with a laugh bubbling up in your throat.
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karlachismylife · 3 months ago
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I think it's easier to live with as time goes on, esp with adhd it's become the background pain of my life lol, flair ups suck though for SURE. What is surprising is how much I can move even though it hurts because of the pressure lol. I used to do ballet stuff so flexibility isn't an issue. And honestly thank you for sympathizing because you have no idea how many people assume that just cause I don't look like I'm constantly uncomfortable and in pain that means I'm not. It's like no dude my feet feel like they're burning and I'm pretty sure my legs are locked to prevent them from shaking but fuck it we ball. I did get prescribed a new medicine though so I don't have to constantly take ibuprofen and it works really well! The pressure is still there but not the pain. Btw you don't have to keep answering these with the hc's if you're low on juice. Just being able to talk about this without feeling like I have to defend my own pain cause I'm younger. It's like if you're under 30 people think you can't possibly have pain XD
(for other comrades - prev post here)
Me and my inner Soap got so stuck on that ballet part, not gonna lie... I smacked him upside his silly puppy head though, don't worry. Jokes aside, though, that's incredibly impressive, wow, you're just a star, aren't you? Cuz I have quite an understanding of how hard it is (mum did ballet and told tales) and I have nothing but respect for anyone who can endure it, honestly, superhuman shit.
Ugh, I already got frustrated with them people on your account. As if they wouldn't give you shit if you demonstrated that you don't feel well. Dumb. I feel like 141 boys wouldn't like that you're kinda masking it, though. They wanna take care of you, for Ghost it's almost the sole driving force of his life, but they all get off acts of service and care, because, well, that's what they are, four big brutal service dogs. So if one of them sniffs out you're hiding how uncomfortable your current seat is or that you got tired of standing, for example, in a checkout queue at the store - there's gonna be so much grumbling, oh boy, and you're getting scooped up immediately to be relocated somewhere you can actually get comfy and relax.
Good thing there's new meds! Already said, Ghost's picking them up and clinking glasses with you to take them together with his drug cocktail, before you get to chase Soap around the house like a dog that doesn't want to take its pills. He would still keep the painkillers always on hand, though, just in case, you know - what if it flares or something happens. And for Price.
Price would SO understand that stupid ass stigma and bias though, because he's actually not an old man and was even younger when he messed up his back, plus he's in the military, so everyone always assumes that he's in his top shape and if he shows he isn't, he just gets dragged by others. Or maybe not dragged, cuz people are rightfully afraid of him, but it's the looks he gets that get under his skin and make him so self-conscious. And the days when you need his help but he can't pick you up properly? He feels like a failure. So all this people talk and internal exhaustion from the constant presense of this shite in your life is very very familiar to him. Letting some steam off while you both just tear apart some ugly ass knob that made a sarcasting note about you when you sat on a free seat in the subway? Sure, Price made that balding bitch almost piss himself for that, but it doesn't mean he won't have some more nice words to say about people like him who decide who gets to sit and who doesn't.
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emloafs · 6 months ago
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ep by ep thoughts (ck s6ep4)
THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE EPISODE (iykyk). i haven't recovered from it. spoilers below!!!!!!!
EP4
You’re telling me the episode opens with hawks ugly ass American flag hair? Shut the hell up. and no one comments on it????
NO WORDS JUST THE SHOT FOCUSING IN ON DEMETRI OVER ELI’S SHOULDER LOOKING LONGINGLY LETS REPLAY THAT
“Each and every one of you has a shot” as its a shot of Anthonyy (Anthony does not have a shot xo)
“Its really only that 6th spot that’s up for grabs” “yeah and its yours for the taking” ELI BELIEVES IN HIM SM STOP
Sorry to say I eat my words the fab 4 will not all be making it, and neither will hawk, you can just tell from how overconfident they are
It is the way that my entire body is reacting to having average, every day content of binary bfs at school and its ruined by Eli’s FUGLY HAIR and HORRIBLE OUTFITS 
I do appreciate that demetri is still demetri and he’s like there’s an 18% chance of me making it and I know that so it is what it is academics over karate has always been my thing
“MIT cannot turn down the binary bros” OH NO MITS GONNA TURN DOWN THE BINARY BROS
I think Eli is having second thoughts about MIT or he thinks he won’t get in 
I love them being normal in high school!!!!!!!!! Cancel the karate half of the show I don’t need it
THE BABIES BEING FRIENDS THE BABIES BEING FRIENDS ANTHONY DEVON KENNY BROT3 AHHH
Idk how ep4 is gonna go down but it’s my favorite already 
The camera work is fire
Okay kiaz cartwheel… go off? Ig?
NATE YELLING FUCK???? IM DYING
“Mucles” “I HAVE A NEW NICKNAME!!!” This is Mitch’s season fr
Actually rooting so hard for demetri <3 call me biased
Kisses for baby Anthony throw him a bone
Anthony is SO TALL NOW?
“The power couples and hawk” honestly that’s the best way to describe them let’s coin that
Devon better be picked fr actually she needs a win and she’s better than most of them
NOT YASMIN SHOWING UP IN A MINI SKIRT WTF
Not me imagining Yasmine walking into the dojo and she just finds dem and Eli making out
Omg are they breaking up
“I’ve come as far as I can go, and I can live with that” that’s right dem and you’ve done great
“Youre breaking up with me?” “No!” Damn. So close.
Why does his girlfriend have to be the motivation ugh
“Just like MIT, you’re not going to Barcelona without me” LOVING MY HAWKMETRI CRUMBS THEYRE IN LOVE
“I didn’t apply” MMY JAW IS ON THE FLOOR GENUINELY
Eli doesn’t want to let dem down :((( 
Oh shit he’s gonna tell him and demetri is gonna be betrayed and kick his ass low key
I personally love capture the flag <3
Omg eli’s literally not gonna make it his head is in the clouds about college and demetri brother get it togetherrrrr 
If Anthony makes it to the tournament and not Eli im suing 
I am scared of barnes
Ok power couples saw that coming
JUSTICE FOR ELI IM GONNA THROW UP
Daniel is a bloody nose Anthony will be fine
Angsty Anthony idek what do with you
Oh god Johnny and barnes fight in a warehouse with power tools WHY just WHY
Oh I don’t like when demetri and Eli fight I hate this game 
Eli won’t hurt dem again and if they come to a head, and frankly demetri is going to destroy him
ELI NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TELL HIM OH I WANT TO CRY
DAD AND DAD STOP FIGHTING I CAN’T TAKE IT I SAID I WANTED THE DRAMA BUT I WAS WRONGGGGG GO BACK TO BEING BACKGROUND CHARACTERS STOP THE VIOLENCE oh god im UNPACKING this scene later
Hawk buddy you’re fucked. Demetri is going to kill you. Honestly. I’ll start picking the flowers for your funeral.
Eli’s outfit sucks in this btw I need to speak to wardrobe
OH SHIT DEM FOLLOWED ELI THEY’RE FUCKED
No way… Kenny has the runs… this his sabotage.  That sucks literally that’s gross and embarrassing. You’re all dead to him.
IM SICK TO MY STOMACH ABOUT DEM AND ELI 
I JUST GASPED
I DON’T LIKE DARK DEM
HOLDING HAWKS ARM???? “How do you like it?!” IM GONNA THROW UP 
Eli loves him so much it hurts and dem is so mad at him 
I ACTUALLY AM SHITTING MY PANTS THAT DEM WON
IM CONFLICTED im really proud of my baby but dear god am I worried about Eli
Thank you writers for not making dm a background character <3
KARATE DADS CRUMBS: Anthony comforting hawk after he lost <33333 he’s like I hate when my dads fight fr
Devon obv put the laxatives in his water right… OH YUP it is now confirmed 
I like really actually cannot believe the hawkmetri fight…………… like……….. holy fuck did that just happen? The arm thing?????? Holy fuck
Why does it feel like they just broke up
Someone hold me.
(I enjoy the pain, though. Episode 4 IS my favorite.)
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tamelee · 1 year ago
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Hello Tamelee, I wanted to ask you if you agree with some popular claims in the Naruto (-Shippuden) fandom about Kishimoto and his writing. If you could give your opinion on the claims I would be very happy ☺️ Sorry for my English by the way, it is not my mother tongue.
1) Claim: Kishimoto does not know how to write woman.
2) Claim: Kishimoto does not know how to write romance.
3) Claim: Kishimoto wrote NaruSasuNaru on an accident. He did not meant to write them as gays.
4) Claim: Kishimoto forgets characters (Neji, Hinata and Sakura etc.). The story focuses to much on the relationship Naruto and Sasuke.
5) Claim: Kishimoto sucks writing Sakura like Sakura character is bad writing.
6) Claim: Kishimoto is an homophobe.
I think I did not forgot other claims. So far that is everything. Thank you for being so nice and talented. I love your Art. 💕
Warning; unpopular opinions ahead/me not agreeing:
Hello Nonee 💕 Okay let’s see! 
“1) Claim: Kishimoto does not know how to write woman. 5) Claim: Kishimoto sucks writing Sakura like Sakura character is bad writing.”
Ah yes. With these often there’s also “Kishimoto is a misogynist” and the “missed potential of the female characters”. 
It’s a broad and complicated topic tbh (or you could make it as complicated as you want..) because people bring in a lot of real life/political baggage into the conversation about this (unnecessarily imo)- largely surrounding Sakura and Hinata.
I only partly agree because most of Kishimoto’s female characters aren’t great compared to their male counterparts. But, from little snippets of his interviews it is very obvious that he always enjoyed writing through male-characters as were all his stories incl the rejected ones and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that especially when we look at the targeted audience. That’s all. That is enough reason.. and it hasn’t so much to do with him not being able to, because there are female characters that are fine. 
Kishimoto could’ve developed some of them better.. but didn’t. I don't believe that is because of a lack of skill.
Sakura’s (and even Hinata’s) lack of development (= development which the fans wanted to see) had purpose and they were largely cast aside and underdeveloped (with purpose!!!) in order to show (contrast/)something else as well; the bond/love between Naruto and Sasuke. 
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Saori (Mario), Tsunade, Ino, Temari, Konan or Kushina even. What do you expect more from Shonen? I would’ve loved to see more background about some of them, but story-wise it wouldn’t have been necessary. If he was going to flesh out any of the other characters (like many wanted from Tenten) it should’ve been with purpose, it would’ve had meaning.. Otherwise you’d just be thinking to yourself “why did I just read/watch this? Why exactly did Kishimoto want to show this thing about this character and why does it matter to the story? Is there a parallel, or could this be foreshadowing?”
So.. he didn’t and to me that makes sense. This story is about Naruto and despite him being the mc- it is also about Sasuke and their journeys about becoming great Ninja. Not “pinkyflinky and her selfish love for her cool-looking classmate.” 
It is great to want to find good female representation in media, as a female myself I find that to be quite the struggle.. especially nowadays -.- (all protagonists are wannabe annoying-ass girl-bosses whom are shown to be assholes for the sake of... feminism?? lately.. Idk but ugh!!) however I don’t expect to find great representation or empowerment for myself in a story like ‘Naruto’... never have. Criticizing ‘Naruto’ about something for which it had no intentions of in the first place makes no sense to me. Instead, the characters from Naruto whom are fleshed out and developed well (and there are many) inspired me too regardless of gender and I don’t see the point in looking through a gender-lens within my entertainment if it's not necessary. (I don't know why it would be tbh.) It is not like I can only see myself or get absorbed in a story through a girl/female-character. Kishimoto even made Sasuke the Heroin of the story much like Saori (the female-lead) was from his earlier story ‘Mario’ whom Sasuke resembled a lot. But make Sasuke into an actual female character in ‘Naruto’ and then the story, in the way it was written, would’ve made no sense. Or rather their actions. (The story would’ve been different then.) People wouldn’t have accepted it because then it’s suddenly obvious to the general audience who the love interest for Naruto is... -.- Insert; confusion. Then, if we accept ‘Naruto’ as a piece of gay-media... then why look for female-representation here and aren’t the characters fine as they are when you take that into consideration?
Besides, why can’t female characters have flaws and why is it always “bad writing” if someone doesn’t agree with the behavior of said character? Why can’t they just accept that some female characters are just not that great or that some of the characters don't have positive arcs for the sake of something else? 
Anyway, I don’t agree with the reasons people give for them being “so bad”. If we take Sakura for example, I see many people say she “deserved better” simply because she’s “the female lead” but this story was never about Sakura who’s character goal had been shallow from the start. Could a large portion of that have been fixed if Kishimoto gave her something else to fight for? Sure. But I rarely see them talk about her character-foundation and more so about getting “what she deserves” even though she practically did 2% in order to “deserve” (sorry I don’t like that word)- anything. So it mostly stems from her being female? And that only would’ve given her the privilege of actually surpassing Tsunade? (As Naruto and Sasuke also surpassed their masters when she didn't.) Or become Hokage even as some of her fans want her to be? But can you really (and be honest now) even compare Naruto and Sasuke’s journeys, efforts and development to.. Sakura's? Absolutely not. For which they agree because otherwise they wouldn't complain about a lack of development, so we have a contradiction here. What does Sakura know about running an entire village? Or the village in general? Nothing. What has she done in regard to Sasuke that wasn’t excruciatingly selfish? (Or Hinata in regard to Naruto also) Again, nothing. She didn’t even bother to find out anything about the thing she supposedly cares about; Sasuke who literally stood in front of her shouting out his pain about his clan, his brother and the village. Why would Sakura care about anyone other than herself or her version of Sasuke when she was willing to abandon her family and friends regardless of her teammates pain surrounding solitude to then say “she’d just be as lonely as Sasuke” who’s entire clan/family was murdered? She, who in the end pretty much stayed the same but gained physical strength which her fans can only acknowledge through the validation of male characters? I mean 👀.. (and yes she did have some good moments, but not even her own fans acknowledge these and instead try to hype up the bad ones. Even then they need validation from Sasuke, much like Sakura does, its weird to me.) 
Jun Esaka tried to “fix” Sakura in ‘Sasuke Retsuden’ as her number one fan... but did so horribly. (Yes, I read it) In order to lift Sakura up she wrote “handsome-looking-like-a-cat-Sasuke” (her words not mine) to be a wet fry on the side of a pool living life miserably and racked with guilt for the sake of his oh-so-amazing-sexy-and-good-with-anything-“wife” whom everyone in her story loves/desires, which makes Sasuke into this super jealous “husband” who suddenly couldn’t do anything anymore without her help and made OOC mistakes every page of that dumb novel... 👀 I’ll take Kishimoto’s Sakura over that bs any day. And yet her fans love to see Sakura “shine” like “she deserves” and criticize Kishimoto for not having made her similar to their headcanons in his Manga.. 
That’s all it is. Headcanon. 
Idc, I could go on and on about it, but I’ll leave it here. 
“2) Claim: Kishimoto does not know how to write romance.”
He can and did so several times. Just because some people aren’t happy with their underdeveloped “canon-couples" doesn’t mean that Kishimoto can’t write it as he has shown already that he can with others. Couples which are accepted by everyone as them having a romantic bond (now why would they only complain for Sakura/Hinata's sake I wonder?). Besides, ‘Naruto’ is one great lovestory if you’re willing to accept it. The Minato-Manga was a big “fuck-you” to those claims, Dan and Tsunade were great and he only needed a single page/a few panels to establish the romantic purpose between Yahiko and Konan. Even before ‘Naruto’ he wrote ‘Mario’ also. Etc-
So, false. 
“3) Claim: Kishimoto wrote NaruSasuNaru on an accident. He did not meant to write them as gays.” 
This is some bs. This man did not sit down for 15+ years, hunched over a desk with his mind swimming about this story, Naruto and Sasuke only for anything to be “accidental”. Come on now. Whether someone else accepts their love as being gay is something else- but nothing is accidental. There is way too much time, effort and thought that went into it for anyone to make such a disrespectful claim. Besides, it is not for nothing that Kishimoto had to fight his own editorial team in order to make some things happen. He literally had to fight for years to be able to draw some of the gayest panels. So? What does that tell ya? 
Well.. that nothing is accidental. With this also comes the bs-claim that Kishimoto apparently wouldn't even know what gays are which is laughable- don't let me start.
“4) Claim: Kishimoto forgets characters (Neji, Hinata and Sakura etc.). The story focuses to much on the relationship Naruto and Sasuke.”
The story is literally about Naruto, Sasuke and their bond. Their external goals (plot) by itself isn’t nearly as relevant as their internal needs and struggles which Kishimoto was perfectly able to steer the story (plot) with. That's the number 1 reason why it is a good story. It has nothing to do with “forgetting”. (Also why are Neji, Hinata and Sakura in the same sentence in regard to this?)
“6) Claim: Kishimoto is an homophobe.”
Sorry, I have no idea what this is about or where this comes from. 
__ Ah I know you didn't make those claims, in case it sounds like that 😅! I'm just talking in general about the claims- Anyway, thankyou so much for liking my art!! 💕 Hope you have a nice day 🌷
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pentagonieslut · 1 year ago
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DKB REACTION UN
s/o being naked for the first time
gn!reader (except yuku is female due to scenario)
requested by 🐇 anon !!
enjoy!
dongil
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so cute, he's happy that you decided to strip in front of him
..not really. he purposely walked in to watch you get naked
licking his lips like he's dehydrated
"so. since i already saw you in just skin, can i hit?"
you're so mad at him, you ignore him for a week
"baby please forgive me"
chocolates and a card that begs for sex
don't judge. him, jeongsik, and changmin will be in the stu for the next comeback so he needs something
changmin
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you didn't realize he was in the shower
so you walked in ass naked
he heard the door open and looked up
smiling so mf hard, his jaw might break
"baby, i'm in here! wanna join?"
you were cold so you didn't care at this point
"sorry love, didn't know."
"don't worry, i didn't see anything"
jeongsik
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HIS NECK TATTOO IN SOBER FUCK ME UGH
he was working out like usual and glanced up to see you staring into space whilst eating chips
you were in his zip up hoodie he bought since he was obsessed with oversized clothing
also thought he would be a comedian and hide only your underwear
standing in front of you, he placed a kiss on your nose
HIS CHEEKY FUCKING HAND
"oops. looks like the button is broken..let me eat you"
pushing him away in annoyed
he pushes you down and chris brown's 'take you down' plays in the background like a sitcom
get comfy on the counter; he loves your bodyline
gwang hyun
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chicken eating competition
your robe was slipping off slowly
you didn't notice it until you finished both boxes
gwang hyun still had the first leg in his hand
"god you're beautiful-- i mean a beast. shit!"
has to walk away to cool down
comes back and stares at you
"your sexy level reached infinite level"
heechan
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"i- sorry- go ahead"
you laughed and allowed him in
the sex fiend was so shy
"uh"
finds the stocks article interesting when he hates looking at it
sings a random ass song
"chipotle?"
"why so shy?"
sungmin
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sleeping but opened one eye when he heard you get out of bed
noticed you changing quickly and his brow raised unintentionally
decides to question it when he's fully awake
thinks your ass looks good and wonders how it'll bounce
straight fucking liar
"did you leave for work? i was out cold"
lewd dreams not barbie dreamz
he'll get you by surprise though don't worry
junseo
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he's technically already seen you naked
bear hugs you and whispers
"let's do it before i have to go to dance"
and so, you do it
he praises your body and coos
can't stop touching you
soft skin, his favourite
became feral and is willing to skip dance
you force him away after a while and struggle to close the door before you really can't make it to work yourself
yuku
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lowkey mad you didn't tell him about the photoshoot
you both were doing sexy modern traditional kimono shoot
your kimono was showing a lot of shoulder and even a slight peek of your chest
in changing room, you changed into the other one and applied more lipstick and perfume
"please don't let anyone take more photos of your boobs except me"
defiant and lowers both sleeves of the kimono halfway down your arms
so sexy oh wow (BRAVE please let DKB do the sexiest of sexy concepts i'm begging you. like full on horny at first scene bbs, abs, muscles, backs, tongues, choreographed sex, sweating, in song moaning, so hot international bbs are the only ones able to watch the mv, i will even buy all versions of the album and only listen to just that specific album for the rest of the year, dilf core, bimbo core bbs, ass shaking, sugar daddy x sugar baby au)
harry june
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bath time oishii-kunare
busts in and is ready to jump in
shrieks in slight shock
"sorry! i'll come back!"
slams door before you can even invite him
too bad
could've gotten sucked
comes back in
"let me join you"
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flowerwiththemachinegun · 27 days ago
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Could just be me, but I'm over here thinking of how Tseng would handle the knowledge that his s/o carries multiple hidden weapons on her person due to the overall unsafe fuckery going on around her.
Even before establishing their relationship, he's aware of her hidden weapons, is he cautious? Obviously, but he's understanding, relieved just knowing she's prepared for the worst. Does he know exactly where they are hidden at first? Not really, but he can definitely guess, and it's not until she feels safe enough that she trusts him to know where to look. It's the highest form of love and trust his s/o can offer him. Why? Because she's trusting him and willing to let him protect her while her guard is down.
This answer is….all over the fucking place, sorry LOL
I think I might be the right person to answer this question for personal reasons (srry not srry i love my guns.) I too think about how Tseng would react once he noticed I conceal carry. But I'm also very considerate of the fact that not all people are comfortable with the presence of firearms. I guess I'll explain this from personal experience.
Before establishing a relationship there really should be a discussion on the topic to see how the other feels about it. Not until you can trust him enough at least, but it's a little nuts to go to someone's home without them knowing you're armed, so that discussion would have to happen before the first time you go to his place. If he comes to your place though...you don't have to say shit. He'll be nosey enough to find the gunlocker, hiding spots, ammo, extra magazines, and/or maintenance supplies etc while you're asleep. Sorry, I can't imagine Tseng isn't a snooping ass boy.
Granted, there are more weapons a person can carry other than a gun, this would probably be the only problematic weapon to Tseng. It isn't like you'd be fast or strong enough to outmaneuver him with hand to hand combat. Short range wouldn't work out in most people's favor.
Now having weapons on your person. How would he notice before you tell him? Well, conceal carry isn't the most comfortable thing in the world and a lot of holsters suck and depending on what you're wearing...the outline/bulge ugh. Like, sometimes it's just there LOL. The preferred location is the front of my waistband (faster for me to draw and easiest location to hide it.) Sometimes this limits range of motion, cause fucking hell, tying your shoe for example with a firearm on your front is wildly uncomfortable. Weapon size matters too, full-sized firearms are far harder to hide than compact ones. He’s probably able to tell all the little signs.
So if you've perfected the art of concealing; how else would he know? Well...physical contact probably. You can try to be slick and give him that disrespectful side hug but after a few dates he isn't playing that anymore and pulls you into a fully flushed hug. You also can’t cuddle someone and they NOT notice you got that thang on you. He’s gonna touch all over you eventually and without a doubt you’ll probably want him to.
I think he won’t be bothered at all in fact, I’m sure he wouldn’t even discourage you from carrying. I’ve seen this numerous places and agree with the head canon that Tseng probably does extensive background searches of people he dates. So as long as that’s clean, he isn’t so bothered. Plus he’ll be gone often and without Tseng being around you’ll need to protect yourself as you have been. So knowing that you’re already capable of doing so is a relief to him. He’s going to make sure you’re throughly up to speed with the safety of weapons and would probably help improve your handling. Definitely gives me the vibes that he’d unload your gun, set it down, and ask you to grab it. Just to get a quick glimpse of how you approach holding it. He needs to know you don’t grab it any kind of way and that you certainly don’t treat guns like they’re a fuckin toy.
I do love visualizing when I come home from the day and I’m disarming myself. Dropping my mag and putting my gun in Tseng’s nightstand to assert dominance over these other bitches Rufus. I also take that as the ultimate sign that you’re stuck with me. 😂😂😂my gun??? In someone else’s nightstand???? The fuck, I’d be DAMNED but I’d trust Tseng enough for it.
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ennieasys · 10 months ago
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We are re-watching all the star wars movies bc we forgot almost all of it and here are our reactions to Episode II The Clone Wars. Everything Kat says is in bold (and trust me she says a lot) and CW for language, inappropriate/sexual jokes and references and a whole lot of gayness. Enjoy!
Little bitch (Anakin) jumps out of flying cars often?
Yes yes use your mindfuckery
Istg is little bitch a perv?
Am I the only one who thinks that dream scene was weirdly erotic?
Boba is but a babe
Run dilf run (jango fett)
Oh my fuck Natalie Portman's a cutie
Asshole (Obi-wan) you don't go in the same hole as another man it's just not polite
*Anakin leaves* Oh no, Padme's all alone, who will take care of her?
Oh it's the man I thought was an object in the first movie (viceroy) - Tate
She does not have the right to be that sexy
Oh shit little bitch did a fuckin massacre
I can be a better boyfriend than him~
Little bitch don't be a villain I didn't and I had worse, wait is that unempathetic
*Idk Padme does something hot apparently* Nice one gorgeous
Did jar jar just say the f slur?
The Jedi are not very good at their goddamn job
Oh so that's how the sith got the clones! - Tate
Oh shit she looks fuckin hot 🥵 (Padme in the white suit)
Ew the walls are gremlins
Poor c3 he doesn't deserve this madness - Tate
Kill him so I can get his gf
*Ani gets captured* THIS IS WHY U NEED A LIGHTSABER
*Padme says I love you to Ani* NOOOOOOO
Ugh imagine if Padme had a high quality gf this movie would be so much better. I actually thought that the queen and the handmaiden were in love in the first movie. - Nic
*They get chained* BDSM? This was unexpected
*Padme is picking her handcuffs* SEE SHE'S ACTUALLY BEING USEFUL WHILE UR SITTING THERE LOOKING UGLY!!!
*Anakin rides the creature* I wish I was Anakin and Padme was the beast
*Droids come* oh fuck murder cubes they're literally circles
Hot man is on fire (Samuel L. Jackson) you like difs? Yes.
Oh fuck is daddy fett gonna die? sighs I wish she'd call me daddy Oh shit he did die.
R2 is the best character. -Nic how dare you disrespect my queen like that
Oh shit it's sexy blue lady (Aayla Secura apparently?) u cheating on Padme? She has a boyfriend I can look!
The clones are still ass at shooting though.
*Baby fett with with Jango’s helmet* now that's childhood trauma!
Ick, am I the only one who hates the the young Padawan thing? It's like demeaning.
Do the Jedi know they're practicing slavery? Cause that's a no-no in my book
Bitch, they destroy the death star in like the first movie. That isn't that ultimate.
*Obi-wan says Don't let your feelings get the best of you!* Wow u really are an asshole
JEDI HAVE ELECTRIC FINGERS??? I have electric fingers Kat! - primary caretaker
Why is everything Ani does weirdly erotic?
You had that lightsaber for 2 seconds. How did you break it already???
Oh shit green grandaddy (yoda) is here
I guarantee someone has made a compilation of Ani erotically moaning
The name tyranus sucks.
Oh shit THAT'S A LOT OF SLAVERY
*Anakin and Padme get married* wow that was fast Kat cries in background u knew this was gonna happen at some point cries louder
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gangles-toybox · 1 year ago
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ugh "Scott Pilgrim vs the World ruined a whole generation of women" sucks so much ass just because of the lyrics are so like...incel losercore like look at this shit
"She saw Ramona Flowers And felt so empowered By a movie made In Hollywood It's sad to think she's someone's daughter Like a lamb to the slaughter But honestly I'd still hit if I could"
like....its sad to think she's someone's daughter?? who the fuck are you to judge a girl just for being an alochic and sleeping around n shit?? plus if you think it "ruined" her why do you still wanna hit?(esp in the song it says that only a pedo in denial would find her desirable so...weird)
the worst part is that if you don't listen to the lyrics the song goes hard like the way it's sung? love it. the music in the background? perfect! the lyrics? ....yeesh.
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irkimatsu · 8 months ago
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Jesus Christ I’m cutting it close. Happy Eurovision Week! Ranking time!
Every year, I use a ranking tool - this year it’s https://songfestival.be/eurovision-song-contest-2024-sorter/ because the one I usually use doesn’t include Azerbaijan or Israel for some reason. Then I talk about how the ranking turned out! Expect ballads/”serious” songs to end up clumped at the bottom because I’m a basic-ass bitch! This is more apparent than ever this year, because the lineup is absolutely insane. I love all the energy, and it just makes the ballads fall even flatter for me, because why would I listen to this when I could be telling a cat to meow back? Don’t expect any well-studied analysis here. What’s been my refrain every year?
(“Irk still listens to Scooch!”)
There ya go, you got it. Categories are:
Dislike: I genuinely hate listening to this. I think this is the first time I’ve put more than one song in this category - I can forgive a lot - but this year has extenuating circumstances and a genuinely annoying song. Goodie!
Indifferent: I have literally nothing to say about this. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s so distant from anything I would listen to on purpose. AKA the “Irk has shit taste” tier.
Okay: It’s fine? Maybe there’s one part I enjoy, or maybe it’s a song I respect more than I like - either way, I feel like it deserves better than “indifferent”, but a better tier than this seems dishonest.
Like: Now we’re getting into the stuff I genuinely enjoy! These are the songs I’d love to see qualify! Always bound to be at least one in here that doesn’t have a chance in hell, but let me dream!
Love: My top 5 for the year! This year’s top 5 is full of nonsense and I am gleeful
Ranking and comments under the cut!
Hate:
37. Israel - “Hurricane” by Eden Golan
Ugh… look. When it became clear that Israel weren’t getting the boot this year, I tried, I really tried, to embrace the “music and not politics” angle. The broadcaster and the artist have nothing to do with the government’s sickening choices and shouldn’t be punished just because their higher-ups fucking suck. (I’m an American, I’m not exactly in the best position to blame citizens for their countries’ leaders!) But then all that bullshit with the submission period happened. Three rejected entries on political grounds?! After a certain point the broadcaster had to be playing stupid, and really should have been slapped down after Bullshit #2. I was actually on board with the theory that they were trying to get disqualified on purpose so they could play the victim and not have to withdraw themselves.
But then, somehow, they got accepted, and with what? A sludgy ballad that isn’t even about anything. This wouldn’t be dead last this year if not for the background behind it, but it’d definitely score low, and the background behind its presence just sours any remaining taste I could possibly have for it. I don’t even have much to say about the song compared to all the bullshit behind the scenes. Let this die in the semi where it belongs.
Well, it could be worse. I usually love the Israeli entry. That would have been awkward…
36. Greece - “Zari” by Marina Satti
TA! TA! TA! TA! TA! This song is the audio equivalent of being hit in the head with a sledgehammer and I hate it. The high-pitched singing doesn’t do it for me either. Maybe there’s some impressive technical skill here that I’m too stupid to understand, like Spain last year, but that can’t change the fact that this song is a three-minute headache. Pass.
Indifferent:
35. Portugal - “Grito” by Iolanda
There’s always at least one song that I cannot get to stick in my head no matter how many times I listen to it, and this is one of them. Hard to rank a song when I can never remember what it sounds like. Just not my thing. Portugal and I are so rarely friends in this contest, and I’ve come to make peace with this.
34. France - “Mon Amour” by Slimane
I feel like this is an opinion that will get me slammed with tomatoes. This is another entry that every contest has - the beautiful, heartfelt ballad with impressive vocals… that bores me to death. At least I can usually remember how it goes, I guess? Still not for me. It’ll rank well anyway and my opinion means nothing. Moving on!
33. Azerbaijan - “Özünlə apar” by FAHREE feat. Ilkin Dovlatov
Take what I said about France and paste it here; heartfelt ballad, impressive vocals, bores me. Whatever. I actually don’t know the chances of this one qualifying, but personally, I’m not cheering it on.
32. Serbia - “Ramonda” by Teya Dora
Oh, Serbia, what happened? I loved how experimental the past two years were, and now we have “Ramonda”, which I just can’t find any enjoyment in. I’ve seen people call this one experimental as well, but I don’t really get it? The lyrics are certainly artsy, but musically it’s just another sparse ballad. I might be a bit daft.
31. Albania - “TiTAN” by Besa
Get all your decade-old anime jokes out of the way now. Good? Good. As for the song… well, I do like it slightly better than the earlier entries, but it’s also just kind of… here? There’s nothing wrong with it, but nothing all that right with it, either. It’s bound to get drowned out by much more interesting entries.
30. Denmark - “Sand” by Saba
When Sean Fay Wolfe does his 100-song countdowns, he always has long stretches where he doesn’t have much to say beyond “this sure is a song all right”, and I think we’re in that stretch for me. Nothing wrong with it, just not something I ever go out of my way to listen to. I think this is why the ranking took so long this year - there’s so many songs I just don’t have anything to say about!
29. Germany - “Always On The Run” by Isaak
“I am nothing but the average, though I’m special to some” is a good line! Other than that, though, this one took a bit to stick for me. I don’t hate it, I just don’t have anything particularly interesting to say. God, what a boring post. I’ll get more interesting soon, promise.
28. Poland - “The Tower” by Luna
Yeah, I guess it’s cute! There’s just so many other songs I like more. This is a bad year for basic pop songs, they’re getting drowned out by the insanity later on
Okay:
27. Belgium - “Before The Party’s Over” by Mustii
This is a big “I don’t love it as much as a lot of people, but I certainly respect it and want it to do well” song for me this year. It’s just such a grand-sounding song! I wish it luck, even if I don’t have much to say about it!
26. Georgia - “Firefighter” by Nutsa Buzaladze
Oh, I won’t lie, the firefighter imagery is cheesy as fuck - but it’s kind of endearing in a way! I’ve gotta like it at least a little, even if it’s a bit basic!
25. Sweden - “Unforgettable” Marcus & Martinus
Another year, another slickly produced dance-pop song from Sweden. Well, gotta do what you’re known for, I guess! I wouldn’t describe this song as “unforgettable”, there’s no way this is getting them two wins in a row, but it’s fun enough as radio filler.. (Is it just me or does part of this sound like it was ripped right out of a Daft Punk song? To the point where I was sure it was a direct sample, but couldn’t track it down for the life of me. It still drives me nuts every time I listen to it.)
24. Slovenia - “Veronika” by Raiven
I just can’t put my finger on why this song entrances me so much, which keeps it from getting a high ranking - I like understanding what I see in a song - but it’s a nice one. I’m expecting an interesting stage performance! The music video sure is a thing, at any rate!
23. Luxembourg - “Fighter” by Tali
Welcome back, Luxembourg! This is the first time I’ve been here to see you perform - American babies weren’t exactly keeping up with the Contest back in 1993! It’s not the grandest entry to return with, to be sure, but Eurovision always needs its empowerment anthems, and this is a pleasant one.
22. Australia - “One Mikali (One Blood)” by Electric Fields
I love the use of the Yankunytjatjara language here - it’s always so good when countries send something rare in the contest that only they authentically could. The imagery is nice, too! Even if it’s not a favorite by pure subjective standards, this one deserves a good placement.
21. Cyprus - “Liar” by Silia Kapsis
Gotta like a good, catty pop song. It’s not the best catty pop song of the year, but it’s fun!
20. Malta - “Loop” by Sarah Bonnici
Yes, this is just “SloMo” again, but hey, I liked “SloMo”. Looking forward to the staging, which will inevitably be completely horny. (No lines about covering your lover’s face in mango juice, though. The honeypot line isn’t nearly as hilariously brazen. Points deducted.)
19. Norway - “Ulveham” by Gåte
I actually lost my results for my first attempt at the ranking and had to do them again, and in that attempt this ranked even lower. Oops. I really, truly wish I could connect better with this song! I wish I wasn’t the sort of idiot that liked “My AI” and “Damdiggida” better! But here we are! I respect it a lot, fully expect it to rank well, wouldn’t be surprised if it wins. But to say I like it subjectively…? That might be overselling it a little. Well, my opinion doesn’t matter, it’ll win no matter what a silly little Internet blog has to say about it. I’m gonna go listen to “My AI” again, give me a minute
Like:
18. Italy - “La Noia” by Angelina Mango
Ooh, this one’s fun! It’s a nice, unique sounding entry that I’m having fun with! Wish I had more to say! Whoops!
17. Moldova - “In The Middle” by Natalia Barbu
Sometimes, a ballad will strike me just right, and Moldova’s managed to pull it off this year. “I want you to be happy all of my life, my beautiful angel, a work of art…” Twice in a row, the Moldovan entry is so sweetly in love, and even my crunchy shriveled heart can’t resist it.
(...also I might have recently developed a weakness for love songs that make references to flying and wings. Shhhh.)
16. Armenia - “Jako” by Ladaniva
I adore this song’s fun, traditional vibe. I just want to get up and dance to it! This performance is going to be a lot of fun, I can feel it!
15. “Doomsday Blue” by Bambie Thug
They’re coming to take me away, haha-
Come on, I’m not the only one who hears it, right?
This song is… weird. So, so weird. So, so opposed to anything I’d ever expect from Eurovision. And I kind of love it for that. It’s all over the place, but in a way that fits its mood. I know I’ve made “Ow The Edge” jokes about it, but come on, I’ve never been immune to a bit of edge myself. I like it!
Not sure about its chances of qualifying, though. I feel like the jury is going to tear this one to shreds. Ireland hasn’t had much luck recently, this won’t be the song to turn that around…
(So anyway, if you like this song, go listen to Neuroticfish’s cover of “They’re Coming To Take Me Away”. Hell, just go listen to Neuroticfish, period)
14. Latvia - “Hollow” by Dons
Not afraid to tell you all my sins I can’t escape
I won’t change, it’s like a bad disease I cannot shake
Not afraid… to admit that this ranked so damn high because of Husk. Yes, I like the singer’s voice, but it usually takes a lot to get me on-board with ballads - and in this case, bitter lyrics about being a sinner who would rather be authentic than cover up his faults is what clicked here. Thank you, cartoons! This is the third year in a row that you’ve made a ranking decision for me - different show this year, but still!
13. Ukraine - “Teresa & Maria” by alyona alyona & Jerry Heil
I’m not religious in the slightest, but that doesn’t stop me from adoring the grand, gospel vibe of this one. Ukraine’s skill at blending traditional-sounding music with rapping strikes again, and I’m looking for a good result here!
12. San Marino - “11:11” by Megara
For better or for worse, San Marino almost never sends something boring, and they’re knocking it out of the park with this one! I always love a good, high-energy, female-led rock number!
11. Iceland - “Scared Of Heights” by Hera Björk
Remember what I said earlier about a recently-developing soft spot for flying metaphors in love songs? This is where I first noticed it.  This isn’t like “Hollow” where cartoons made it rank much higher than it would authentically - I genuinely find this to be an adorable, hopeful little love song - but I’m sure that aspect didn’t hurt it!
10. Lithuania - “Luktelk” by Silvester Belt
God, I wish I could more properly explain why I like this one. There’s just a certain vibe from it that I’m really into, and it’s a perfect way to start off my top ten.
9. Spain - “Zorra” by Nebulossa
Mmm, a disco number about how some people are going to think you’re a slutty bitch no matter what you do so you may as well do your own thing. Delicious. I was already having fun with it on the first listen, and then I looked up the translation and fell even more in love with it.
8. United Kingdom - “Dizzy” by Olly Alexander
I already knew Olly Alexander before this year, due to a couple of songs he did with Kylie Minogue, the queen of my life. (Oh, yeah, there’s also “Valentino”, that’s an important one of his.) So I went into this with high hopes, and I was not disappointed! What a fun pop song about the joys of being in love! Maybe certain recent events have made me more weak to that topic than usual this year? Whatever the case, I love this, and really need to listen to more from this guy!
7. Estonia - “(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi” by 5Miinust & Puuluup
“The only cool thing here is saying no to drugs!”
This song is. A lot. A song about how lower-class people are unfairly targeted for drug possession even though they’re the least likely to be able to afford it, with some ambiguity about whether the singers actually do have drugs… with goofy vocals, music, and dancing. Fucking love everything about it. I love stuff that’s a joke song on the surface but has so much more to it when you dig deeper, like “Who The Hell Is Edgar?” last year. God, this is going to be a blast. And we’re just at the start of the part of the list where I adore me some goofy bullshit!
6. Czechia - “Pedestal” by Aiko
The pure inspired anger behind this one delights me, I love it so much. And yes, I’ve heard the Eurovision version, I totally understand why some lyrics had to be changed, but “I love me more than your bullshit!” lives forever in my heart. Angel Dust song? Angel Dust song. I’d adore it even without that, though.
Love:
5. Switzerland - “The Code” by Nemo
Another song that’s. A lot. A genre blending circus opera rap type… thing. I love how unique this one is. Eurovision helps me discover so much cool new stuff, it’s my favorite time of the year. I could see this as a winner!
4. Netherlands - “Europapa” by Joost Klein
After several years of sending ballads I don’t give a shit about, The Netherlands finally learn how to win my heart - giant shoulder pads! God, this song’s catchy. I love how it basically turns into a 2 Unlimited song at the end there. A lot of this contest feels like a love letter to the 90’s/early 2000’s, and the dance music is my favorite part of that! Europapa!
3. Austria - “We Will Rave” by Kaleen
Oh, Austria, please never stop winning my heart, you’ve done so good these past few years. When I saw the title “We Will Rave”, I knew I was going to love this, and a minute in I was hooked. A classic sounding dance song about letting go of everything and giving into the music… fuck, this is exactly my style. And it says a lot about the next two entries that this is only third!
2. Croatia - “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” by Baby Lasagna
Can I just have two number 1 placements this year? Putting either of them in second place feels like I’m lying. This is yet another A Lot song, and it’s why I love this year so much. A hard rock song about leaving your country town and going to the big city, full of silly lyrics and dancing. Meow, cat, please meow back! What an utter fever dream of a song. God fucking bless.
Finland - “No Rules!” by Windows95man
Oh, what a perfect whirlwind of insanity. Finland, please never send anything normal again. A catchy song about living how you want! By a guy with the Windows 95 logo on his shirt! (That will probably be blurred on stage! Which is very funny!) This song is so goofy that it should not work, but good news, goofy works on me all too well. I’m still laughing that this got last place from the jury in the national final, but the public vote was enough to help it win anyway. Just seems fitting for a piece of nonsense like this. I cannot wait to see what sort of batshit staging this has. I don’t know if it has any chance of winning, but Windows95man is the winner of my heart this year.
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virgoiscariot · 9 months ago
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UGH i have time for a bike ride before the wings game tonight and i neeeeeeed to exercise more but. Im so so eepy. Still burnt out from the weekend. Luckily i double dosed my ritalin to stay awake so i was able to catch up on charting lol. i haaaaaate hate hate charting. We have to write these long ass notes every time we see someone even though usually my visits are pretty cut and dry ESPECIALLY my dementia patients. assess them, trim(and sometimes paint!) their nails, change brief, brush(and brain) their hair, do wound care, do oral care. dont get me wrong i love my visits, my background is memory care so i feel very at ease, but CHARTING on those visits sucks ass, it just feels very repetitive and tedious.
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