#background not to scale in the slightest it also doesn’t really make sense

[trash-can-sam]

Artemy: So uh… Why does Andrey call you babygirl?

Daniil: …How about we stop talking for a little while?

Artemy just wanted to talk to you Daniil. Is it so wrong to start a conversation?

[utilitycaster]

Hello I would love to hear you thoughts on Caduceus and his arc. Clay is the only character who’s story has made me cry genuine tears (when he got his fam back) and I feel like his nuances and the changes he goes through tend to be overlooked a lot, exactly because of how quietly they happen.

Of course!

So as Taliesin said a few times and as I've pointed out, Caduceus (and Molly for that matter) was intended to be a static character. Obviously this is an impossibility in D&D because things happen and you cannot control it and moreover I am sure Taliesin is aware of this, so it's more that the intent was to have a character who did not feel they needed to change, possibly in contrast with Percy, who absolutely felt he needed to change. A self-proclaimed static character still needs a reason to be static: Molly's philosophy was, as notably stated on talks, "Life's short...do something to a bagel" and more generally the lack of need for change came from this sort of aimless and benevolent-when-convenient hedonism. Caduceus, on the other hand, is secure in his purpose. He has known who he was supposed to be for his whole life, and he embraces it, and sees no reason to change, until he absolutely has to, and even then he is deeply reluctant.

Caduceus is about what happens when your comfort zone and guiding principles themselves fold in on each other and are like "hey. expand us or else."

I think a lot of people have rightfully noted that from his appearance through the Xhorhas arc, Caduceus sees the rest of the Nein as mourners, and that's within his comfort zone. Sure, there are some moral quandaries at the docks of Nicodranas, but he's able to get through that (in part because he's in the Mighty Nein but isn't personally stealing the ship, in part because of Jester's talk with him). I think it's also worth noting that while Caduceus is extremely insightful he is not superhuman (super firbolgian?) in that regard; it is the insight borne of being someone who is there for mourners and so he has a good eye for emotions, less so for motivations, and a lot of the Nein's motivations early on escape him.

The first wave of big changes happen in Bazzoxan and the immediate aftermath. First, Fjord confides in him and asks for advice - and Caduceus is used to giving advice but I'm not sure he's ever had to offer religious practice advice, as the people he would have interacted with would have either been the sketchy people of Shady Creek Run, or else people already faithful enough to seek the Blooming Grove. And second, the party finds itself directionless for a time; there is no pressing business or better ideas and he cannot hide his own mission behind someone else's, so he voices his recommendation that they come clean to the Bright Queen, and then they go to the kiln.

Caduceus's relationship with Fjord I think is useful to bring up in a sense of contrast, in that Caduceus is incredibly good at helping Fjord through a crisis, because Caduceus is trained for crisis - but it gets much hazier once Fjord is out of said crisis and as it turns out has a very different relationship with the Wildmother, and I think this comes up to an extent when they talk in Rexxentrum. I think Caduceus, for all his talk of nature's violence, struggles with the concept of nature being malevolent or having goals - it just is. Whereas Fjord is much more comfortable with the idea of nature perhaps being a force that is itself a threat, or deceptive, and more generally with the idea of nature as somewhat unknowable and full of mysteries. I don't think Caduceus's personal view of nature ever changes, but I think his ability to process that he doesn't have the answers even in the areas within his comfort zone improves, and this is something of an inflection point with regards to him acknowledging new perspectives on his own comfort zone.

It's also a little before this that we see Caduceus reveal vulnerability for the first real time since his panic attack on the boat right after they stole it, when he confides in The Gentleman. Some of this is a calculated social move, to be fair, but it's a notable step forward.

That said it takes a while to change and he spends a few days post-Rexxentrum doing anything to avoid facing his own mission. It's worth noting that Caduceus is a cleric of the same level as Jester, and could have cast sending before the party ever met up with him, and he never did. So they go to Beau's father and Isharnai first, putting it off as long as he can.

Caduceus's scenes with his family sort of snap all of the above into place, in that his parents are glad he's spent some time in the world and are completely accepting of his desire to keep going for a time. I'm honestly not sure, myself, why he does this because I don't think it's metagaming (ie, it's not Taliesin going 'I can't make a third character') but I think there are multiple valid interpretations. Caduceus's role, as the one who stays at home, is ultimately a self-imposed one.

He sort of mulls on that for the next while, sort of uncomfortably internalizing differing perspectives on deities with the Artagan reveal/Rumblecusp and additionally processing his own deeper relationship with the Wildmother, with multiple visions, and maybe even the fact that nature constantly wants to murder him.

Then we get to Eiselcross and that's when it all hits. I think as soon as he sees the corrupted trees he gets a sense of the scale, that this corruption is not just unnatural but it is ancient and has been a threat for a long time and that staving it off at the Blooming Grove is not getting at the unknown, underlying source (which he probably knew deep down, but as discussed above he does not really love to admit those things to himself). And he realizes that he might need to be the one not just to commit but to initiate violence, as the person with no emotional ties to Lucien via Molly; he finds himself bending his own moral rules for the greater good more; and I think this is when he realizes either that he needs to change, or perhaps that he's been changing quietly and slowly the whole time and has just been terrified to admit it.

The last night at the Blooming Grove before the final push into Aeor is another good look at Caduceus, who, like a number of characters in this campaign, is so very much defined by his ongoing and important familial relationships. We get a brief but heartbreaking glimpse at the state he was in prior to the Nein showing up in the garden, and how he was trying to induce something, anything, to give him direction because he didn't trust himself to leave without that assurance; and his admission, finally, to someone else of that change, that he never wanted to be the person to go on an adventure, that he still has very mixed feelings about it, but that this is his responsibility. And it's that which allows him to confidently say, on Cognouza, that it's time to end this shit.

In short (Clue the Movie voice: too late) Caduceus's arc is someone who has always believed in his sacred, literally god-given responsibility into which he was born, and struggles against the fact that said sacred responsibility ends up being quite different than what he expected but ultimately is able to accept it, and his reward is that he can return to the responsibility he initially embraced, having grown in ways he could not have otherwise.

Now, I think part of why Caduceus's arc gets overlooked is twofold. The first reason is that background arcs are, well, background, and it's quiet and subtle and highly internal and hard to turn into big dramatic moments, which, as a person whose favorite C1 character is Vex, I understand, but also those arcs are the best.

The second, and this is going to sound even more "I appreciate the muppets on a much deeper level than you" than the first, is that I feel a lot of people who considered Caduceus their favorite character did lean into the myth of "superfirbolgian" insight when the fact always was that Caduceus had no interest in the political; did not make Trent quake in his wizard robes in the slightest as was confirmed in the finale; and ultimately wanted most of all to return to his home.

It's a very true and very unique choice and if I may [note: I am writing this so I do what I want] I think a lot of people did not understand Caduceus in that they felt his ending was unhappy for him, and some of this is that people had really stupid takes on the party splitting at the end. I have mixed feelings on the true universality of the Campbellian Monomyth and even more mixed feelings on everyone giving Dan Harmon tons of credit for merely rephrasing it but despite that, Caduceus's arc fits it perfectly (and very literally): comfort zone -> need arises -> unfamiliar situation -> adaptation -> gets what he wants -> at a price -> returns to comfort -> having changed.

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[tigerkirby215]

5e Zac, the Secret Weapon build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Christian Fell. Made for Riot Games.)

No one:

Literally no one:

@tigerkirby215​: “HEY FUCKERS WHO WANTS A ZAC BUILD?!”

Full disclosure: I watched Dorans and Dragon’s video for Zac and while it’s really well done (like really well done. I honestly suggest you watch it) I felt like it took a bit of an interesting direction. Ds&D and I have always had different ideas for our builds and I think with the release of Tasha’s there’s actually a lot of interesting new directions to take Zac in.

Also spoiler alert but this build is the most jank-ass fucking shit I have ever made but it strangely works really well? Like I literally sat on this build for two months debating if I should even post it. Also Zac’s a grappler, because of course he is.

GOALS

There's plenty of me to go around - Zac stretches and bounces and changes his shape more-or-less at will.

Why thanks; I do work out - Zac is one of those “hold you down for 10 seconds total in a teamfight” types of junglers.

I'm not as squishy as I look - Of course to be a big bundle of green goo we’ll need to be big. Like, really big.

RACE

END ME I’M MAKING A BUGBEAR! :D

Okay to be fair Bugbear hate is kinda overblown, especially by yours truly. You get +2 to Strength and a +1 to Dexterity as well as Darkvision and several other useful traits: you have a Powerful Build to carry more stuff, for one. You are also Sneaky and get proficiency with Stealth, which is nice because if you launch a Surprise Attack you can do an extra 2d6 damage.

But of course the main trait of a Bugbear is their Long-Limbed bodies. All your melee attacks have a 5 foot longer range, which is obviously important to make Stretching Strikes!

Custom Lineage: If you’re insistent on making a custom “goo creature” race with Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything rules here are my suggestions: make yourself Medium (yeah duh) and give yourself proficiency with the Athletics skill. Increase your Strength by 2 and take the Skilled Expert feat for Expertise in Athletics along with a +1 in Wisdom. You will have an uneven DEX score but I dunno just go for Athlete or something later in this build.

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - Braum isn’t the only champion who believes the heart is the strongest muscle, as if you’d read Zac’s lore he is actually quite a compassionate soul. Also we need Wisdom for our main ability.

14; CONSTITUTION - Zac is a tanky boy, so up the tankiness!

13; DEXTERITY - When you can stretch and squeeze like silly putty dexterity comes naturally. We need that dexterity to jump over walls, among other things.

12; STRENGTH - A lot of it is elastic strength, but if you’re going to throw Cho’gath into Shyvana you do also need upper body strength.

10; CHARISMA - He’s a nice guy when you get to know him, but Zac’s also a bunch of Zaun sewer goo.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Living in the sewers and then later being raised as a weapon means you don’t know any math, science, or history.

BACKGROUND

Zac did grow up in the streets, but the skills from the Urchin background don’t fit him well so we’ll be modifying it heavily. Take proficiency in Acrobatics to squash and stretch as well as Perception to keep those wards up. You can pick your choice of languages or tools because Zac kinda... doesn’t do much other than fight? I mean he’s literally called “the Secret Weapon” what do you want from me?

But your background feature of City Secrets is very useful for traveling the streets of Zaun, letting you find your way around alleys and jungle gank paths to travel through the city twice as fast as the average person! "Put some spring in your step."

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Been awhile since we’ve visited the good ol’ Monk class eh? Well you can grab Athletics finally, as well as Insight to know if someone’s worth clobbering. You also get proficiency with an artisan’s tool or musical instrument, and I mean... Zac still doesn’t have much lore.

But how about some class features? Monks get Unarmored Defense equal to their Wisdom plus their Dexterity, for 14 AC total. Would medium armor be better? Yes, but you can’t wear armor if you want to use Martial Arts! Martial Arts gives you a variety of benefits: you can punch with DEX or STR, your punches are now a d4 (and will scale as you get levels), and if you punch with your Action you can punch with a Bonus Action after the fact!

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get Ki points to use for a variety of features: Flurry of Blows lets you attack twice with your Bonus Action instead of once, Patient Defense lets you dodge as a Bonus Action, and Step of the Wind lets you Dash or Disengage as a Bonus Action. An important thing to mention about Step of the Wind is that it doubles your jump distance, for those big Elastic Slingshot jumps!

You can also put on some boots and get some Unarmored Movement. 10 more feet to be exact!

I guess I’m also obliged to mention Dedicated Weapon from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything which lets you turn any weapon you’re proficient in into a Monk weapon as long as it’s not Heavy or Special. This will be important later but it’s not exactly in-character for Zac.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

Third level Monks get to choose their Monastic Tradition and Way of the Astral Self will give you some long stretchy limbs! As a bonus action you can spend 1 Ki to summon Arms of the Astral Self. When you do so, each creature of your choice that you can see within 10 feet of you must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw or take force damage equal to two rolls of your Martial Arts die due to your Unstable Matter.

Your arms will stay up for 10 minutes and give the following benefits:

You can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength modifier when making Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You can use the spectral arms to make unarmed strikes, which has the following benefits:

The reach of the arms is 5 feet greater than normal, which stacks with your Bugbear arms. 15 foot reach with extra stretchy arms!

The unarmed strikes you make with the arms can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength or Dexterity modifier for the attack and damage rolls, and their damage type is force.

You can also absorb some blows with Deflect Missiles. When you are hit by a ranged weapon attack you can use your reaction to reduce the damage by 1d10 + your DEX mod + your monk level. If you reduce the damage to 0, you can catch the missile. You can then spend 1 ki point to throw it back as part of the same reaction. You make this attack with proficiency, regardless of your weapon proficiencies, and the missile counts as a monk weapon for the attack, which has a normal range of 20 feet and a long range of 60 feet.

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everyone also gave Monks the Ki-Fueled Attack ability which pretty much doesn’t impact you in the slightest.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an Ability Score Improvement but we’re instead going to grab the Skilled Expert feat. You can increase your Wisdom by 1 and grab proficiency in Survival for optimal jungle clear. But what we’re mainly here for is to make our hands extra sticky with expertise in Athletics! Is the build starting to make sense now?

You can also land safely after an Elastic Slingshot jump thanks to Slow Fall, reducing fall damage by 5 times your Monk level. If you want to keep yourself in the fight then Quickened Healing (also from TCoE, because that book really likes giving new Monk features) will let you take advantage of Cell Division for 2 Ki points, healing you for a number rolled on your Martial Arts die plus your Proficiency bonus. It’s not much but in a pinch it might save you!

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack, so you can punch twice with your action, and then punch some more with your Bonus Action! You can also bring some heavy CC into the party with Stunning Strike; if you hit an enemy in melee you can force a Constitution save or stun them! Yes actual honest-to-god League of Legends stun!

Oh and because Tasha’s Cauldron really wanted to buff the Monk you get Focused Aim, letting you use up to 3 Ki points to increase your roll to hit, at a 2:1 ratio. (1 Ki point = +2 to hit)

(Artwork by SemLimit on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 1

Jumping over to Barbarian, land of the true tanks. Barbarians get Unarmored Defense based on Constitution that we won’t be using but I’m obliged to mention anyways. Of course what we’re here for is Rage which will augment you in a number of ways: you’ll resist Bludgeoning, Piercing, and Slashing damage and will do more damage with Strength-based attacks (which you probably won’t be making.) But the most important feature is this line right here:

You have advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You know what’s a Strength check? Athletics! So even if you use Wisdom for it you’ll still have Advantage on top of Expertise! And Athletics is used for grappling! At least that’s how I’d rule it, but talk to your DM just to make sure they’ll let this dopey shit into their game.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians can let themselves go with Reckless Attack. Your Unstable Matter will give you advantage on your attack at the cost of giving enemies advantage to hit you.

You also get Danger Sense for advantage on Dexterity saves against effects you can see coming. Is a Jinx rocket heading your way? Slingshot out of there!

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 3

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything gave Barbarians Primal Knowledge for a free skill proficiency from the Barbarian list, so take Intimidation I guess because you are a huge freaky slime guy.

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Primal Path and guess what? It’s Totem Warrior time! As a Spirit Seeker you can cast Speak With Animals and Beast Sense as a Ritual but we all know that’s not what we’re here for. What we’re really here for is the Totem Spirit of the Bear. You can now resist all damage while Raging, with the exception of Psychic damage. Hey there has to be %health damage to deal with tanks after all. (Now if only they’d nerf Grievous Wounds.)

LEVEL 9 - MONK 6

This will be our last Monk level; sad I know. But it’s worth it for the Visage of the Astral Self. You can use a Bonus Action and a Ki point to summon the visage. (And can do it while summoning your arms.) While the spectral visage is present, you gain several benefits:

Astral Sight lets you see through magical (and nonmagical) darkness up to 120 feet.

Wisdom of the Spirit gives you advantage on Wisdom (Insight) and Charisma (Intimidation) checks.

And Word of the Spirit lets you either whisper in team chat to a creature of your choice that you can see within 60 feet of you, or shout in all chat so that everyone within 600 feet can hear you.

Your regular fists are also considered magical thanks to Ki-Empowered Strikes, and you get 5 more feet of Unarmored Movement! "Woohoo!"

(Artwork by Dragonflamebg on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 10 - FIGHTER 1

Teamfight time? Team Fighter time! First level Fighters get a Fighting Style and since you’re punching people your only real option is Superior Technique, giving you a d6 Combat Superiority die to use on a Battle Master Manuever. That Manuever shall be Grappling Strike, letting you grapple as a Bonus Action after punching someone for some Stretching Strikes!

You can also heal with Cell Division assuming the enemy team doesn’t stack Grievous Wounds thanks to Second Wind; it’s a d10 plus your Fighter level. "Keep it together."

LEVEL 11 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters get Action Surge for even more punching! This will be more important in like, two levels.

LEVEL 12 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and for some crowd control in a teamfight Battle Master is a great choice. You are a Student of War which means more tool proficiencies which make no sense because Zac has no lore woo! But of course what we’re mainly here for is Combat Superiority: you have four d8 Superiority Die (plus a d6 one from your Fighting Style) which you can use on a variety of Maneuvers:

Trip Attack is good if you want to bounce, forcing the target you hit to make a Strength save or fall over!

Distracting Strike is like stunning the target in the sense that it gives your allies an opening, but unlike Trip Attack you don’t have to force a saving throw. (Instead Distracting Strike just works after you hit them!)

And if you think your arms aren’t stretchy enough already? Boom; Lunging Attack for 20 foot reach!

LEVEL 13 - FIGHTER 4

4th level Fighters get an Ability Score Improvement: hey it’s everyone’s favorite feat Grappler! You have advantage on attacks against enemies you grappled, and if you’re grappling someone you can then pin them to hold them in place!

Now pinning someone you’ve grappled does take an action but here’s where Action Surge comes in: turn 1? Grab them. Turn 2? Pin them! Easy!

LEVEL 14 - FIGHTER 5

5th level Fighters get an Extra Attack... which you already have. "I hate it when this happens."

LEVEL 15 - FIGHTER 6

Hey more Ability Score Improvements! Want all the fun of a high Constitution score without the Constitution? Look no further than the Tough feat: it gives you +2 HP per level for some big gains!

(Artwork by GisAlmeida on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 16 - FIGHTER 7

7th level Fighters get to Know Your Enemy: by spending a minute studying someone (IE looking at the scoreboard) you can learn if an enemy is superior, inferior, or equal to you in a number of areas described by the ability.

You also get one more Combat Superiority die and learn two more Maneuvers: Goading Attack will make it harder for enemies to hit your friends (and it works against Tier 4 enemies who likely resist fears), and Disarming Attack will let you stick your hand to your opponent’s weapon to make them drop it!

LEVEL 17 - FIGHTER 8

8th level means more ASIs and I’m starting to think ignoring all your stats was a bad idea. More Wisdom means better punches, better grabs, and better AC.

LEVEL 18 - FIGHTER 9

9th level Fighters get Indomitable, letting them reroll a failed saving throw once per Long Rest. Regardless of what you roll on the new die however you have to use the new result. This can be used on Death saves to try to keep alive a little longer thanks to Cell Division.

LEVEL 19 - FIGHTER 10

10th level Battle Masters get Improved Combat Superiority. Your superiority die are d10s now; even the one from your Fighting Style! You do also learn more Maneuvers but honestly? We got just about everything that we need already. If you’ve hit level 19 playing Zac League of Legends then you deserve to make some choices of your own.

LEVEL 20 - FIGHTER 11

Our final level is the 11th level of Fighter for an Extra Attack that does stack! That means you have 3 attacks total and one extra from Martial Arts!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Beat up, or beat down? I'm flexible - No matter how you look at it 4 attacks per round is great, especially since you can give yourself Advantage and boost your damage output with Battle Master Maneuvers.

Pick on someone your own size - If everything goes well you should have a solid 200 health by level 20! Definitely nothing to sneeze at, especially with Rage giving you resistance to almost everything and Second Wind letting you heal yourself!

This is gonna get messy - You’ve got a +16 to Athletics checks for Grappling when using your Astral Arms, and can give yourself Advantage or add Superiority die to your Grapple checks. Do I need to explain that that’s really good?

CONS

Don't push your luck, champ - None of your stats are maxed out, and that’s bad. Your hit modifier isn’t great, your Battle Master saving throw is low, but most importantly your AC is really bad. Big health is nice but not being hit is also very helpful. Just saying if you have the chance to go for Point Buy I’d take it.

I never skip breakfast - A small pool of Ki combined with limited Maneuver die means that you’re running on some very potent fumes. Frequent short rests will be needed to make the most out of this build.

These jerks don't know when to quit! - Grappling builds have the ever-constant problem of falling off in the late game when most foes simply can’t be grabbed. This build honestly peaks around level 13 and just falls off from there. This is definitely one of my builds that I think works better in a low level campaign.

But if you want something unique that works well early here’s your build! Big reach to hold everyone in place so your party can beat them up. Playing the CC tank might not be that glorious but it’s a job someone’s gotta do. And remember: "It's not how much you can lift. It's how good you look!"

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

[discotreque]

“As real as a hopped-up Q on Captain Picard Day”

We're halfway through Season 1, and while I haven't felt moved to write an episode-by-episode breakdown, I do have a small handful of thoughts about Lower Decks so far.

I don't even know if these are hot takes—I've mostly been avoiding what other people are saying, because it turns out I don't really care. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So maybe it's slightly hypocritical of me to expect anyone to care about my opinions, but that's never stopped me from sharing them.

On the visuals: Possibly prettier than Disco, and that's saying something. The "special effects" are just fucking gorgeous, and are absolutely living up to the high-concept potential that animated Star Trek has always had. (TAS was goofy and not especially well-made, but you can't say they didn't swing for the fences conceptually!)

As a sitcom: If it were the exact same show, but set in an original, non–Star Trek setting (i.e. entirely nostalgia-free), I'd probably still watch it. If it were more or less the same show, but not sci-fi at all? Before Episode 5, I would have said "maybe, maybe not," but I think I'm finally and fully hooked on the characters, so yeah, I think I actually would.

As a Star Trek series: What a whole-hearted vindication of the Greatest Generation podcast’s ongoing "Star Trek is a place" thesis. There's room for so many different kinds of stories in this universe, and they're not all going to be to my tastes—e.g. I'm still hoping Section 31 is a fake cover for a different series entirely, which it's almost certainly not, but I'm still hoping. Lower Decks, though, has so much of EXACTLY what I want from Star Trek, and after three grim seasons of Picard and Discovery (which I liked! but also, ooooof), if they're hyper-correcting into joke-a-minute territory, it's actually a breath of fresh goddamned air.

On the storytelling (large-scale): The only thing even close to a season-spanning arc seems to be Mariner's relationship with Captain Freeman, and that's been simmering along pretty quietly in the background, except for Episode 4. A season of TV that actually develops its characters and their relationships instead of an infuriatingly sloppy puzzle-box plot? Fucking finally.

On the storytelling (small-scale): So far the format of the show has been fairly standard (but fairly well-executed) 22-minute sitcom premises as foreground stories—with what would have been entire 45-minute episodes of TNG as background stories? The density and the economy of the writing are just unreal.

On being TV-14-L: It's almost certainly an inevitability of commerce that the rating is so low, because you can tell if the writers had their way it would be TV-MA all day; and as a grown goddamned adult, I happen to find bleeped fuck-words infinitely more distracting than unbleeped ones—even, gasp, in Star Trek!—so I had mixed feelings about the swearing-but-not-swearing at first. But I think I'm starting to appreciate it: they're writing what works for the characters, and if CBS wants to bleep it, that's on CBS. I respect that.

On being TV-14-V: The over-the-top slapstick gore is a surprisingly natural comedic fit for the established medical technology of the setting—"You'll be fine, they'll just wave a light over it!" is one of my favourite lines so far—but I think Angie, Beckett's friend in that flashback to the Quito, is the first person we've seen actually die on Lower Decks. And that makes perfect sense too: when your entire show revolves around the lives of the redshirts, it's an entirely different vibe to kill off three of them in a cold open.

On friendship: Mariner & Boimler, and Rutherford & Tendi, are shaping up to be the main narrative pairings, and you can easily see either or both of those becoming romantic pairings—but what if they don't? Like, holy SHIT did I love Tendi and Rutherford on the Vancouver. They're both huge Starfleet nerds, but they're not goody-goodies in the slightest: their first loyalty is to SCIENCE!, and the results are chaotic as fuck, and I love them together so much... as bros. Likewise, I'm starting to really dig Mariner and Boimler's odd-couple dynamic—but I don't want any of them to hook up with each other, and so far the show's intentions in that area seem... indeterminate. So we'll see.

On the captain being a Black woman: Doesn’t look so fucking difficult, does it, Discovery?

tl;dr: I kind of love this show. I will happily watch the next 15 episodes, and I would watch 50 more after that, and then I would watch seven seasons of the spinoff with Captain Mariner, First Officer Boimler, Chief Engineer Rutherford, and Science Officer Tendi. MAKE IT SO.

[andrebearakovsky]

Capitals W Magazine: The Fanciness Scale

So my friend just gave me a copy of the Capitals W magazine, and oh man is there some content in here. Every player has his own page, and everyone is photographed in their own styles, from the super casual to the incredibly fancy. And after looking at them all, I felt the intense need to share my opinions about them all with you, as well as rank them on the casual/fancy scale. So below I have a review/interpretation of every player’s outfit, with photos I took of the magazine lying on my desk, along with their rating on the fanciness scale, with 1 being the most casual and 10 being the most fancy (note: this is not a rating of how “good” it is, just how fancy).

And most of this will be under the cut, cause boy will this be long.

Michal Kempny

Starting off strong. With Michal Kempny, there is no other option than to look good. He’s hot and sophisticated. The suit. The pose. The hair. The gaze. The mahogany background. I have no complaints here.

Fanciness rating: 10/10

TJ Oshie

TJ also opts for a suit, one which he admits in the attached article he did not pick out himself. A suit is a suit, but the colors feel strange to me and he gets points off for those shoes. It’s like he’s trying to have what Kempny has, but he just don’t have it. Also that pose makes this look feel a lot more casual.

Fanciness rating: 8/10

Radko Gudas

I’m a fan of Dadko’s tasteful weekend look. It looks like he’s ready to host a barbecue; but not like a small, casual barbecue for just your close friends, more like a big Labor Day barbecue that you invite everyone you know and also your in-laws to.

Fanciness rating: 4/10

Brendan Leipsic

I have never seen Brendan wear anything other than yoga pants and nothing looks to have changed here. I genuinely believe this is the outfit he wears every day, and not even a photoshoot can force him into nicer clothing. I can appreciate the attitude.

Fanciness rating: 1/10

Jakub Vrana

I can’t take this as seriously as I should because this pose is just too funny to me. It’s like he’s trying to be cool but oh man is he failing. I do love this jacket though. This is a jacket you put on deliberately for a Look. We’ve passed beyond the casual, but we’re not too fancy just yet, we’re still in jeans. This is an outfit for a fun night on the town with the boys.

Fanciness rating: 6/10

Garnet Hathaway

I had to lie down and have a moment to myself when I saw this photo. It’s as if he looked into my soul and said “I know exactly what you, specifically, want.” The suit. The vest - also the fact that the vest is blue is nice. The hair curl. The smirk off into the middle distance. The fucking carrying the suit jacket over the shoulder. This man went to a preppy college in New England and you can tell. This is every man I have ever wanted to sweep me off my feet. The attempts to keep my libido in check are failing. Please marry me instantly.

Fanciness rating: 11/10 yes i am biased

Tom Wilson

At first glance, this outfit looks well put together, but upon closer inspection, all it really is is a black t-shirt, black jeans, and sneakers. How does he make it look so good? Is it the pose? I think it’s just the fact that Tom is a hunk. Overall, this is an every day outfit, but like, a put-together one that looks nice.

Fanciness rating: 4/10

Nic Dowd

This is similar to the Vrana look. This is a very nice jacket, and when he puts on this jacket I know we’re going out to have a nice evening, but not too intense. Or maybe that’s just the vibe Nic Dowd himself gives off. Either way: excellent outfit.

Fanciness rating: 6/10

Lars Eller

This is the pinnacle of fanciness. Lars was told they were doing a photoshoot and went “this is my moment.” The suit is excellent. I love the colors. He, a pale blond Dane, does not look washed out. His hair is perfect. But what really makes it here is the pose. He’s a tryhard, but he knows exactly what he’s doing. This is a fancy man.

Fanciness rating: 10/10

Nicklas Backstrom

Who told him to stand like this. What even is this pose. I can’t get over this. “This is exactly how a human would pose.” And the outfit - a polo shirt and what appear to be slacks, right in the middle of fancy and casual. Whatever, the outfit is secondary to the completely unnatural pose here.

Fanciness rating: 5/10

Braden Holtby

How do I even begin to rate Braden Holtby. This outfit is certainly not “fancy,” but it is absolutely not casual, not in the slightest; Braden probably spent two full hours picking this outfit. Fashion is very important to him, and he has a very clear sense of style. This is a quintessential Braden Holtby outfit. The flared-open shirt, the hat, the sunglasses, the bracelets, the rings. The lounging pose. The fact that he’s resting his arm on a stack of books to show you how hipster he is. All that’s missing is his guitar. I love him, but I cannot even dream of rating him on the same scale as everyone else, because he is on a different plane than everyone else.

Fanciness rating: too cool for all of us

Evgeny Kuznetsov

Soft! Soft!!! Soft!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fanciness rating: 3/10

Jonas Siegenthaler

Much like Tom, he looks put-together, but it’s just a black sweater. Simple is key, and it works here for Jonas. A comfortable look, an every day look, but one that looks nice.

Fanciness rating: 4/10

Ilya Samsonov

Team baby put on a suit, and he looks good! I like the checkers, the tie is a good color, the shoes are nice. He’s very tall, and the suit is a good choice to show off his long legs; the standing pose also helps show off how tall it is. He looks good. This is a good suit, a good picture. Very fancy, and I feel like a proud mama. Point deducted because his hair just a little bit messy, and the leaning against a wall just a tad casual.

Fanciness rating: 9/10

Travis Boyd

This picture just screams “I am highly uncomfortable and I would rather be anywhere else right now than here doing a photoshoot.” Someone save him. Not fancy in the slightest, but still gets a hair above Brendan Leipsic because this is still a put-together outfit that you can go out to a sit-down dinner in. 

Fanciness rating: 2/10

Carl Hagelin

This is an outfit made for going out, but definitely not to a fancy place. This is what every adult male in your family wears when you’re on family vacation at the beach and you decide to go out to dinner.

Fanciness rating: 5/10

John Carlson

This one is a bit more difficult because it’s certainly not fancy, there is a far too much denim for that, but it’s not casual, because there is a deliberate Look going on here. All I can really focus on is the fact that he is squinting really hard and maybe this photo should have been taken inside.

Fanciness rating: 5.5/10

Nick Jensen

This would get more points if it weren’t for the rip in his jeans. I can’t get over the rip in the jeans. What are you trying to go for here. You would look so put together; the button-up and the jeans actually look pretty nice, but what are you going to do with that rip in your knee, Nick. What are you going to do.

Fanciness rating: 4.5/10 author’s biases against nick jensen may be evident

Dmitry Orlov

I’m in love with everything about this outfit tbh. The shirt and the shoes? Killer. It looks great, it looks pretty dressed up; about as fancy as a Cap could be without wearing a suit. The black outfit contrasting with the white marble background really helps up the fanciness factor. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dima wear any color other than black, ever. Which is fine - he knows his colors, and his color is The Void.

Fanciness rating: 7/10

Richard Panik

Getting some real Don Draper vibes here, but I’m okay with that. Maybe it’s his very angular face. He’s gone with the black and gray tones, which work for the vibe he’s going for. It’s a cool and sexy pose, and it doesn’t even feel ridiculous. I feel like he’s inviting me to come into a room in a 1960s lounge filled with cigar smoke and whiskey, and I might say yes.

Fanciness rating: 10/10

Alex Ovechkin

Frankly I’m surprised Ovi didn’t come in wearing sweatpants or sweans, so this is pretty fancy for him. The nice shirt and the jeans are a solid look, but I just know he’s wearing flip flops on his feet, I saw the behind the scenes video. The flip flops really bring the fanciness score down. I forgive him though, this is pretty good for him.

Fanciness rating: 5/10

BONUS:

Why are you in my home. 0/10

[oosteven-universe]

ENIAC #1

ENIAC #1 Bad Idea Corp 2021 Written by Matt Kindt Illustrated by Doug Braithwaite Coloured by Diego Rodriguez Lettered by Dave Sharpe Seventy-seven years ago, the United States unlocked the key to defeating the Axis powers, but, in their desperation to end the war, created a far more powerful threat: ENIAC (Electronic Numerator Integrator and Computer), the world’s first supercomputer. ENIAC's calculations proved vital to turning the tide against Germany and Japan – until it ordered the second atomic bomb to be dropped on Nagasaki without any human order or approval. America had inadvertently created the first artificial intelligence without ever realizing the full extent of its abilities...or its ambitions. For the more than 50 years that followed, ENIAC manipulated global affairs from the shadows, waging a cold war that pitted spy against spy, nation against nation...until it went dark and disappeared from view. Now, years later, an encrypted countdown has just been detected in Earth's satellite network and mankind only has three days left before ENIAC executes its endgame. With few options and even less time, the Secretary of Defense has just given two covert operatives the most important mission in human history: kill ENIAC…before it kills us. I would say the hype is real but then again we are talking about Matt Kindt so we already knew this was going to be amazing.  The way that this is being told is pretty brilliant actually.  How we see the story & plot development through how the sequence of events unfold along with how the reader learns information is presented exceptionally well.  This however is what I’ve come to expect out of Matt and he certainly doesn’t disappoint in the slightest.  The character development to me is extremely interesting because we don’t get a lot of personal information just that the two women who star in this are stone cold killing professionals.  So it isn’t too surprising that we already want to know more about them.  The pacing is superb and as it takes us through the pages revealing this world, the characters and what the story is going to be about is frakkin amazing.   The way that we see this structured and how the layers within the story emerge keep the reader on their toes, interested and invested in what we’re reading.  How we see everything working together to create the story’s ebb & flow is really rather quite marvellous to see.  Also I have to give kudos and a shoutout for the Alternate History aspect of this story and how well it is being handled, because honestly it's a huge reason that this works as well as it does. The interiors here are abso-freakin-lutely next level gorgeous!  The work we see within these pages really is mindbogglingly brilliant to behold. How the linework through its varying weights and techniques are being utilised to create this level and quality in the attention to detail blows my mind in how damn good it is.  Best scene is the desert and naked conversation though old man butt is one thing so let’s see what’s up front next time shall we?  The way that we see backgrounds being utilised and how the are incorporated into the composition within the panels to bring us depth perception, a sense of scale and that overall sense of size and scope to the story shows a brilliant eye for storytelling.  The colour work is a master class on paper.  The way that the various hues and tones within the colours are being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is amazing.  How colour can be utilised to create musculature and contouring shows an amazing understanding of how colour can be so effectively utilised.  So if this what we can expect from Bad Idea then it isn’t such a Bad Idea to make sure you tell your local shop you want them to carry these.  Mine won’t carry them, he’s an idiot, but gotta give a huge shoutout to Sterling Silver Comics for hooking me up with my copy.  Folks take notice I’ve hyped them for a bit now and I’m here to tell you that this is the next generation in a publishing house!

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 25: Thoughts on The 100 2x10

Twenty years later, I return with Ep. 2x10: Survival of the Fittest.

This commentary is NOT pro-Grounder or pro-Lxa.

I last watched in January and I have literally no idea what’s happening lol. I mean, I do because I’ve seen the whole thing enough times but still. Like specifically.

One of Netflix’s warnings for this show is “fear.” I CANNOT.

The idea of Arkers and Grounders perhaps meeting in certain ways pre-canon is interesting (the suicide by earth idea) but then the story just becomes one of yet more Mindless Grounder Brutality and I get bored. Like I’m sorry this is truly the most boring civilization ever imagined and I cannot believe we’ve been asked to care more and more about them with each passing season.

The lost possibilities of Bellamy & Lincoln. Also of Lincoln, in general? Someone who tried so hard to be something other than what he was taught to be.

Also, his story is basically confirmation that he became obsessed with Octavia because he was illegally spying on the cool Sky People and then ran into a Pretty Girl and that was just that on that.

The underworld. They’re not subtle.

Mmm-mmm my favorite set. Indra looking badass as per usual, giving her warriors a pep talk. And Kane with friendship heart eyes like “I’ve found my new BFF!!” (This is truly how I read the expression on his face.)

“Only our Guards are armed here.” Lol okay but does anyone really believe Indra travels with ONLY two knives on her person?

I’m generally a Jaha apologist but I cannot stand him in S2, primarily because his whole thing is based around him caring about “the Grounders’ land” in this realllllly awkward native peoples parallel, as if this was supposed to make him sympathetic when (1) there is literally no evidence at all that the Sky People occupied Grounder land in s1 or are occupying it in s2 and (2) he is advocating abandoning the main characters to death, the main characters are a bunch of teens, and literally no one calls him out on how disgusting that is. The only thing he’s right about is that the Grounders are terrible and Kane’s boner for them is ridiculous, but still.

Is there a Grounder named Michael? Lol.

“My shock baton’s got your back” probably isn’t intended as wildly inappropriate adult man hits on teen girl flirting but........ I dunno how else to read it.

Murphy > Grounder I said what I said.

That woman in the background of the fight with her eyes wide like ‘oh heavens! oh my!’

Kane’s here trying to be like stern dad keeps his kids in line for the sake of peace and Indra and the rest of the Grounders are like... fucking crickets. So ridiculous. So immature. Keep your own bitches in line Indra.

I completely forgot that Mountain had multiple airlocks and thus just, you know, opening the doors wouldn’t do anything. Makes sense, I’m just dumb.

Clarke > All Grounders and seeing her show respect to Lxa or anyone, even if it makes sense in context, just irritates me.

Clarke: *gives several very good reasons why sending large numbers of Grounder warriors into the Mountain will do literally nothing but lead to more casualties.* Grounders: *raaaaa I hate being told no, let’s just attack!!! ATTACK!*

���He shouldn’t have attacked my ship.” Honestly I think part of why S2 Clarke is my favorite is because I really identify with her, surrounded by idiots, just doing her best to get fucking anything done and done right.

“You’re very brave under the Commander’s protection, aren’t you?” DUDE. DUDE. You literally just reminded everyone that this five foot tall blonde teenage girl roasted your brother and several hundred others alive and you think the commander’s protection is why she’s brave? She’s brave because she’s smarter and tougher than you, duh.

And after all this Lxa’s like “Quint’s right.” Um he’s truly not though??? Ugh, the stupidity irritates me.

“Hook up” for “alliance” I am DYING.

Kane is absolutely the worst faux-father figure. Encouraging Octavia to get her ass kicked by idiots who are training for no reason...

And then this bitch (Quint) tries to kill Clarke as if that were even remotely a good idea... what if you were successful? What then? Lxa would torture you for like 100 days and then kill you start thinking things through.

I miss Byrne in that she was annoying but at least had, like, a perspective and purpose, BUT that was a cool death scene. A good sort of shock.

“Work detail” is such an odd phrase, like... one would think....everyone works?? It seems to be code for “mop some floors.”

I’m gonna be honest, the search for the CoL was the clear weak point of S2 for me but Murphy & Jaha are an interesting pair to share screen time.

Murphy: hesitates to accompany Jaha to Wells’s grave until he sees the possibility of getting a firearm of his own, then falls in love. You had me at ‘can hold a gun!’

They really are wasting bullets. Those are...kinda a finite resource? Also you’d think that these literal members of the Guard (based on their jackets) already know how guns work.

Kane really is devoted to this I’m Your Daddy thing, huh? “Look at me, shooting this gun, I’m so cool--don’t you want to be cool like me? I can teach you.” (And O in the back sharpening her sword like she knows what she’s doing.)

I don’t get how Mount Weather could influence Grounder legend given that they’ve known about Grounders for less than a generation, and they tend to destroy anyone they capture, not, like, release them back into their villages? Cool idea though!

Octavia, the secret weapon, exploitable by both sides because she knows both sides, is an interesting path SOMEone at SOME point should have gone down, or should go down, like in fic. Just putting that out there.

See, literally, what did I say? Quint does not even succeed in killing Clarke and he’s sentenced to death in 0.5 seconds. You gotta think ahead man!!

Lol I’ve seen this how many times and only now am I hearing that the word “Pauna” (which I’ve also been mispronouncing) is in fact in the episode. I always thought that was extra-canonical.

Pretty hilarious that Clarke, attempting to run away from the Irradiated Gorilla, leads everyone right to...the home of the Irradiated Gorilla. AKA the National Zoo.

Look the only thing I really have to say about this entire story line is that it’s pretty clearly only here to make sure Clarke, the main character, has something to do in an episode that isn’t really about her, like it’s straight up Filler just like the Bellamy Scales a Cliff episode, and it’s dorky and laughable and awful CGI and I get that--but I still maintain that the concept of “animals from the zoo survived and are still out there in mutated form” is cool and we should do more with that, as a fandom.

Also....moose? How’d that get there??

“Leave me” Lexa says, as if it weren’t incredibly easy for Clarke to save her. Like...why do you give up so easy all the time??? Grounders are weak. The slightest thing happens and it’s either “Time to kill you” or “Time to die.”

Murphy, unimpressed by the beauty of Earth.

Completely forgot that elder Murphy’s name was Alex. Put that one in my back pocket.

This Jaha and Murphy scene at Wells’s grave is the best of a fairly lackluster episode. “Clarke sugar-coated it for you, didn’t she?” “Good can come out of even the darkest acts, John.” “Camp You is that way.”

(Also...when did Clarke get a chance to talk to him? Was this over video in S1? I guess it must have been since she’s been busy in S2.)

When Kane lets Octavia fight the Grounder he is 100% doing it for himself and the alliance. He’s using her.

And somehow this is the ONLY time Octavia lost a fight. I wish the show had acknowledged more, as it does here, that tenacity is a great virtue but it’s not the only virtue. Also the Grounders truly are canonically terrible at what they do.

My favorite O characterization is when she’s just a blank slate for people to write on because she never was able to create a personality for herself. Because I think it’s the most true to her backstory, which seems only intermittently relevant imho. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “I would like to be stronger,” hence “I shall get beaten up.”

*Sings* Lxa is a terrible leaaaaaader!!! Getting all up in Clarke’s head trying to tell her that caring about not constantly killing people is..............somehow.....................bad??? Lol.

This scene here where Lxa provides the groundwork for the Ai-in-Commanders thing, is probably where the show began its downhill slide. Don’t get me wrong, I love S2 as a whole--most of this nonsense didn’t really come up until S3--and S3 itself has good ideas, including the AI thing, but they were just realized so badly...... Makes me sad. We could have had so much more!

“Don’t be afraid, death is not the end,” is like......the least helpful thing to say. Yet again, Clarke uses her brain and figures out an actual plan, as opposed to “die heroically” which is really all the supposedly genius Lxa ever has. “Die heroically” or “Save own ass at others’ expense I said what I said.

I’m so salty.... I can’t even believe myself.

I enjoy the Indra and Octavia relationship.

So I’m going to say that I always assumed, and still basically assume, that the reason Indra chose Octavia for a second is that she really did think there was something special in her when she saw her fight. Like that’s all. Just like she would with a Grounder kid who wanted to be a warrior. But I think it would be interesting if she’s thinking just as Kane is: that Octavia is a useful bridge between the two peoples, that perhaps, she could get something from her. (Counter spy?)

“No one gives anything without expecting something in return.” Early John Murphy philosophy synthesized.

What the fuck is Jaha eating? Little...food pellets.

It’s true that he’s being cynical but it’s ALSO true that Jaha is withholding important truth from him and ultimately, arguably, using him.

“You didn’t give a damn about us. You still don’t, that’s why you’re not fighting for this kids in Mount Weather.” SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT. THANK YOU MURPHY. MVP of this ep.

“I was pardoned, slate wiped clean, I’m still treated like dirt.” The treatise of the Ark AU thanks.

More patented Murphy nose rubbing.

Murphy and Raven, both pulled in, to some degree, by cultists.

Murphy and Octavia, both manipulated by more powerful adults for their own ends.

Jaha is so... he has all these peace and love, everyone is accepted, nice ideas and beliefs and faith, but he also does not care at all about sacrificing a few here and there. He may remember Alex Murphy but he doesn’t really care, he’s not really haunted. Remembering is like a courtesy. He may miss his son but he still ultimately believes, even hearing how utterly stupid Wells’s death was, that it was worth it for some unknown greater good. And he’s willing to give up on people who aren’t even dead yet, just write them off as an acceptable loss, even though they’re his people and a subset of his people to whom he owes a particular debt, and still consider this sacrifice, not even yet made, to be worth it for this bigger plan. There are a lot of things I respect about Jaha as a leader, and surely in a universe of terrible leaders he is not the worst, but this is his fatal flaw, what keeps him from being good. Real leaders do accept that losses will happen, as Lxa says, but they don’t seek out losses and they don’t merely catalogue them and then move on. They feel them, and accept responsibility for them, and carry them forward.

No I am not talking about Clarke, although within this universe, she comes closer to the ideal.

The story line with Lincoln, Bellamy, and the Reapers is like nightmare fuel if I think about it too much.

Indra, with the tiniest slice of meat possible on a huge plate: “Eat! Get strong!”

Kane, trying to be sexy and seduce a new friend: “Thank you.”

Kane and Octavia are talking and Indra is just in the background, sitting on a tree stump, brooding in the most photogenic way possible, very ‘google earth, always taking pictures’ of her.

I’m sorry but I can’t stop seeing Kane’s whole demeanor in literally every scene of this episode as like “Attempted Daddy.” Not in the paternal sense.

“You’re asking me to be a spy?” / “I’m asking you.......... yes, to be a spy, that’s exactly it.”

Objectively ridiculous for Octavia to think the Grounders are her people but, I get it, she’s desperate for people of some sort.

“There’s a million ways to die out there” should have been the title of the series. More accurate than “The 100.”

“If it’s not your time than nothing can kill you” IS everything infuriating about Jaha in one line. Saying ‘it’s just what was meant to be’ is a pretty easy way to avoid responsibility for anything, ever, and it’s extra sketchy from someone who, as a leader, knows or should know that his actions have consequences for other people, sometimes life or death ones. I mean...everyone but he and Murphy did die searching for the CoL.

We REALLY need more fic that utilizes Jaha as a weird guru type.

“You wanna stop being treated like a criminal then you have to stop thinking that that’s all you are.”

Here, Clarke comes up with yet another smart idea. How many is that in one episode? She’s too smart, guys, just too smart.

That said, the first time I watched this ep with my mom (the second time in general for me, the first time for her), when Clarke explained her ‘release the Grounder prisoners’ plan, she was like “...Duh? I thought that was already the plan? Isn’t that what Bellamy was going in there to do?” Basically most people on the show < Clarke < my mom.

The tragedy of Lincoln’s addiction story line really does get to me.

I’m a little insulted on Bellamy’s behalf that he was marked Harvest lol.

I just watched the episode and I heard them explain their plan... but I still don’t really see how it was going to work. Like just... cause chaos and let Bellamy run inside? Kind of feel like someone would have caught him at some point, and also--doesn’t that run a significant chance of getting Lincoln killed? Oh well. It all works out eventually. Mostly.

Anyway, not the greatest episode, but it had its moments. The Jaha and Murphy story line was good, and I actually enjoyed the Octavia, Kane, and Indra stuff more than I thought or remembered. But it’s always kind of a bummer when one or both mains get lackluster filler plots--and in this case it really was both--I mean, Bellamy’s was important, but it wasn’t very long. And none of my faves: no Mount Weather, no Jasper and Monty, no Raven.

It still fucks me up that Liz Phair wrote music for this show.

[anjibooks]

The Faithful & The Fallen by John Gwynne (Book Review)

Epic fantasies have always been right down my alleyway, and boy, this series definitely falls into that category. My cousin and I are both fantasy lovers, so we agreed on a book exchange-- buying each other the first book in a series and then promising to read the book that we were given. He bought me Malice, book one in the epic high fantasy series. And I'll be the first to admit that it took me a while to actually get around to reading it. As with many high fantasy series, the first book started out rather slow, in fact from what I recall the whole book was pretty slow. Like any good high fantasy, it really had to establish the world and the characters in the first book so we can really get to the good stuff in later books with a strong grasp on the world and also an attachment to the characters. This is exactly what Malice does. The first few chapters of Malice are very slow. I remember reading those at a very busy time in my life and then putting the book down as it just didn't seem worth using the time to force myself through. Then back around spring break I actually sat down to finish it. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that these books are a hefty commitment, emphasis on hefty because wow those are fat books to be carrying around, but trust me, they're actually really worth what can only be described as an epic length. While the Faithful and the Fallen doesn't fall into an absolute favorites category, I can promise you they are enjoyable reads that will suck you in with an intriguing plotline and fascinating world. Overall I'd give the series 7/10 stars. I did end up binging out on the last three books after finally finishing the first. It's like the first is the giant scale up the mountain, and the rest you're on a sled going down the other side of Everest. Though they are riveting reads, I have to admit there are some very prominent flaws with the stories that really irked me, especially after finishing the series, but more on that later. I would highly recommend this series to anyone who has a love for epic high fantasy stories, the kind with individual storylines that eventually intertwine. There's war, lots and lots of war, high stakes, and some intriguing mythology. Anyway, if you're interested here's a little overview on what this series is about. It's actually pretty hard to explain without giving anything away since the scope really expands more and more after the first book, but I think it's pretty safe saying that the story starts out with four main characters-- or really three main characters and one almost main side character: Corban, Veradis, Nathair and Evnis. Corban is a peasant boy, dreaming of the day he turns fourteen so that he can join the training to become a soldier. (If you're thinking wow that's young, I don't really want to be reading a middle grade novel-- don't worry! Not a middle grade novel, and A LOT of time passes over the course of these books (which makes sense seeing how gargantuan they are). Corban ages quite a lot throughout). Veradis is a skilled soldier, who befriends Nathair-- a prince with big aspirations and plans for the future. And Evnis... well, I'll let you see about Evnis. These are only the MAIN characters of the first book, there are a lot more characters and storylines woven in throughout the next novels. Anyway, that was a sucky synopsis so here's a real one: A black sun is rising … Young Corban watches enviously as boys become warriors under King Brenin’s rule, learning the art of war. He yearns to wield his sword and spear to protect his king’s realm. But that day will come all too soon. Only when he loses those he loves will he learn the true price of courage. The Banished Lands has a violent past where armies of men and giants clashed shields in battle, the earth running dark with their heartsblood. Although the giant-clans were broken in ages past, their ruined fortresses still scar the land. But now giants stir anew, the very stones weep blood and there are sightings of giant wyrms. Those who can still read the signs see a threat far greater than the ancient wars. Sorrow will darken the world, as angels and demons make it their battlefield. Then there will be a war to end all wars. High King Aquilus summons his fellow kings to council, seeking an alliance in this time of need. Some are skeptical, fighting their own border skirmishes against pirates and giants. But prophesy indicates darkness and light will demand two champions, the Black Sun and the Bright Star. They would be wise to seek out both, for if the Black Sun gains ascendancy, mankind’s hopes and dreams will fall to dust. Things I loved about these books: the plot and the character development. These are really plot and character driven books. And trust me when I say they have truly FANTASTIC plots and character development. Seriously if you compare the characters from the first book with the last book you'd think they're completely different people. And you got to travel along on that journey to see them become those different people. That's pretty amazing-- getting to see all the choices and key moments that lead to different things. Like a fearful cowardly boy growing into a courageous leader. With its huge cast of characters, this series really provides great and interesting perspective. And the plot? That's explosively good. Like I love all the planning with that and the intertwining mythology. To go along with the plot, the action is really well written and will keep you on the edge of your seat, really putting you right there on the battlefield with all your favorite (and least favorite) characters. Things I did not like about these books: the relationship development. While the plot and the characters are great, the way the relationships are written and built up to just isn't satisfying. Like, you can see that a lot of time has passed so it makes sense for those connections to have been made-- definitely not an instalove connection, but it almost feel likes instalove because you never get to see the small moments building up to those relationships becoming a relationship. I'm not just talking romantic, I'm also talking just about friendships and connections in general. Basically what you get to see with the relationships is the very beginning of each one, maybe a couple of words hinting at whatever in the middle and then the fully formed relationship at the end. What's really missing is that middle bit, the building part that helps the reader to really grow attached to said relationship. Because of that, there weren't many created relationships that I much cared for throughout the story. The relationship building definitely takes a backseat to the plot, which leaves me feeling a bit empty seeing as a truly satisfying action/fantasy story has a good balance of both. It's been so long since I read the series that I honestly couldn't tell you what my favorite book is, it's either Valor or Ruin (Book 2 or 3), but I can't remember which. They're both good-- actually they're all good, so it's really hard to remember which one stood above the other. My favorite characters would have to be Cywen and Storm, though I did like Veradis (I sorta see him as a sweet puppy in my eyes haha) and Corban. (SLIGHT SPOILER AHEAD, LOOK FOR NEXT PARENTHESIS FOR END OF SLIGHT SPOILER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER) My least favorite character, without question would be NATHAIR. Seriously, I despised him throughout all the books. I was always waiting for him to have some sort of redemption in my eyes, but he never redeemed himself to me. The amount of texts I sent my cousin ranting about him is probably absurd. Seriously, I think I remember saying something about wanting to push him off a cliff just high enough to break all his bones but not kill him so that he would just have to lie there dying. Anyway... More on that in the spoilery section of the review just so that you know... I don't spoil everything for you. (SPOILER OVER) Anyway, those are my thoughts on this series! If you're interested in the slightest, don't be afraid to pick Malice up! And if you're bored during Malice JUST PUSH THROUGH IT. It'll end up worth it, I promise you that. SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES I'm sorta lazy so I'm just gonna copy and paste some of my texts to my cousin about this series haha. (About the disappointment in the lack of showing relationship development) "Like Fidele and Maquin... You don't really get to see the development... You see them meeting and you know they travel together and all the sudden they're in love and willing to sacrifice anything for each other. You know it's happening in the background but there's no good lead up." ​ "Or Veradis and Cywen. You know they travel together and have been talking but you don't actually get to see any of it." Interesting fact: Veradis and Cywen were actually the only relationship that I actually did fall in love with. the rest I didn't really actually feel much connection to. I spent MANY late nights saying I'd read till the next Cywen chapter, or saying I'd read until they reunited... Only that took a VERY long time haha. And then much to my irritation-- actually anger-- there was never actually any good romantic pay off, despite the fact that I waited two long books for them to reunite and then when they do NOTHING HAPPENS. They barely interact. UGhhhh. Here's a cleaned up text that I sent about that "And I'm also pretty pissed about Veradis and Cywen. I literally wait two and a half giant books for them to be reunited and when they do nothing happens. Then at the end of the book I'm like cool, maybe some interaction? Nope. They still don't get together. It's strongly implied they WILL because they think about each other so often, but nothing actually occurs. Just another example of how the plot revolves around all just action as opposed to having some focus on the characters' relationships with each other." And on my opinion on the finale: "Very epic, had fun reading it BUT as a finale I was a bit disappointed. Right after this huge epic battle it just feels rushed to finish it-- I'm not left with the closure I was expecting and feeling like I needed. Perhaps an epilogue would have done the book good as it would help wrap up some loose ends and leave me a little more satisfied." And if you're wondering about my Nathair hatred. Wow. That's an endless well to be diving in to. In fact, I'm not even going to post the majority of my texts about them seeing as they are pretty evil with LOTS of cursing haha. I just thought Nathair was so full of himself, on a power high for the majority of the first few books. I really was looking forward to seeing all of that come crashing down, and when it did I thought it might open the door for some great character development that might actually lead me to liking him. Unfortunately... when it came crashing down for Nathair it didn't matter because HE STILL CHOSE TO BE A DICK. UGh. Also I was hoping for MORE from his death scene since he's been such a big series character, but it ended pretty quickly for him. Good that it was Veradis that killed him though. Don't have much to say about the prophecy stuff other than to say I LOVE that it wasn't a real prophecy and that it all ended with just humans being evil as opposed to it being about gods. (Yes, Asroth was involved, but it was Nathairs choice to CONTINUE ON and all his choices actually that lead to that war. ) Anyway, those are my scattered thoughts. Thanks for reading :) Anj

[pomegranate-belle]

For Day 1 of MattFoggy Week: Favorite Canon Scene/Favorite AU

There’s a special place in my heart for my “Turn Left” AU, where lil Matty doesn’t give Stick that friendship bracelet; as a result, Stick doesn’t leave, Matt ends up becoming a member of the Chaste, and he and Foggy only meet during the DD S1 timeline. God only knows when I’ll make the time to really round out this AU and post it officially, but here’s the MattFoggy bits.

Matt sat on the roof, back pressed to the access door leading down to apartment 6A, and lost himself to the noises in the rooms below him. Soft breathing, snoring, and the gentle cadence of three resting hearts. All of it cradled in a quiet, familiar-sounding ballad. He hummed along for a few bars, feeling buzzy and drunk, and the world went soft against his senses like silk. For the first time since returning to New York, he’d found something that drowned out the pain and terror of the city around him. Arms wrapped tightly about himself, Matt yawned quietly and settled in for the night.

--

Matt clutched the edge of the roof tightly, his heart pounding in his chest and his mouth dry with… With fear. The voice in the back of his head that sounded like Stick was derisive, but Matt’s ears were still ringing with gunshots and his nose burned with the scent of blood and Foggy Nelson had almost died.

And despite all his training and all his strength and all his haste, Matt hadn’t been the one to save him.

--

The words hot beyond all reason came to mind first. The guy was about Foggy’s height, wiry and well-built with bone structure that a Greek god would cry over. His brown hair was tousled from the fight, and the split in his lower lip only served to emphasize the insane perfection of his features. His cheap plastic black sunglasses were cracked across the bridge, his equally cheap shirt ripped and torn, and his cargo pants splattered with dark spots of blood. The sneakers on his feet looked about five years old and the laces were frayed beyond belief.

“Uh,” Foggy stammered. “What. I… Who are you?”

“Matt,” said the stranger with a sharp smile. “You can call me Matt.”

--

“If they’ve all been working together, where were you and your weird ninja people when the Russians attacked Jo? Or Karen? Or me?”

“The Hand is all that matters,” Matt explained matter-of-factly, tossing his shattered sunglasses into the dumpster clear at the other end of the alley with alarming accuracy.

“No it’s not!” protested Foggy.

Matt scoffed, shaking his head and still turned towards the dumpster, away from Foggy.

“You don’t understand,” he said, in a very patronizing voice that almost made Foggy rethink his attraction to him. “The Russians, the Chinese, even Wilson Fisk, they’re all… They’re only human. The Hand, they’re a—they’re a different breed altogether. They have access to power normal humans can’t even comprehend. That’s why the Chaste exists, to stop them. Everyone and everything else is just background noise.”

“Well excuse me if I’m not, like, super reassured by that since those ‘background noise’ Russian mobsters tried to turn me into Swiss cheese!”

--

“So that’s it then?” Foggy demanded, head still spinning. “You just… Just swoop in, save me from ninjas, and then flip away?”

Matt tilted his head to the side. His expression was smooth, calm, a little skeptical.

“Basically,” he concluded.

“What… What the fuck, dude, who does that?”

Matt’s mouth quirked up into a really, really infuriating smirk.

“I do,” he answered.

And then he leapt up, latched onto a fire escape, and scaled it to the roof. Within seconds, he was gone.

“What the fuck,” Foggy repeated under his breath. “What. The fuck.”

--

I said too much again, he realized with a groan, and ruffled a hand through his sweaty hair.

Always were a sucker for a pretty voice, weren’t you, Matty? mocked the voice in his head that always sounded too much like Stick. It wasn’t wrong, though. Something about Foggy Nelson… Something was throwing him off. And that would be bad for everyone.

He’d need to keep his distance going forward, Matt decided. Protect Foggy from the shadows. Be careful not to speak to him again at all, let alone too much.

Staying away altogether never even crossed his mind.

--

“Seriously, you saved my life,” Foggy said emphatically. “Whatever it is, it’s no trouble.”

Matt shuffled for a bit, picking at the threadbare fabric of his pants. His shoulders were up around his ears, and his mouth was twisted in a way that very clearly screamed ‘pain’. With how tense Matt was, Foggy was pretty sure he himself would have tapped out, like, instantly. But then, well, Matt was some sort of crazy ninja, so maybe it was a ninja code stoicism thing.

“It’s…” Matt paused, wetted his cracked lips, shook his head, and made an odd aborted gesture with his hand near his right ear. “Too much. Too loud.”

Foggy frowned. Normally, he’d tap his foot while he considered the problem, but if everything was already ‘too loud, too much’ that couldn’t possibly help. Instead he scuffed a hand through his hair.

And then paused.

“I’ve got just the thing.”

Foggy stepped as quickly and lightly as possible over to his closet, and began rummaging through the disorganized pile of boxes in the corner. Textbooks, knickknacks, Columbia sweatshirt… There!

He returned with his prize clutched in his hands. Matt tilted his head, eyes closed, and swayed a little, dizzily.

“Headphones?” he asked.

“Oh contraire, buddy,” said Foggy quietly. “Not just any headphones. These babies are noise cancelling, and they got me through three months of pre-divorce blowout from a couple in 2-C.”

He settled them over Matt’s ears gently and grinned at the sight. After a few moments of contemplation, Matt opened his sightless eyes and smiled too.

“Oh,” he said softly, the tension sloughing off his frame like rainwater, and it was probably the most delicate, precious sound Foggy had ever heard.

For a badass killer ninja guy who also spent a good amount of his non-combat time just being a huge asshole, Matt was just… Entirely too fucking adorable. Jesus.

“Better?” Foggy asked, wondering if Matt would still be able to hear him, if his senses were really that good.

Matt’s blinding grin was all the answer to that question Foggy needed.

“Much better. Thank you.”

--

Matt’s lips turned up at the corners in the most awkward, heartbreaking little smile Foggy had ever seen in his life. He slid his unfairly beautiful fingers along the frames of the glasses one last time and then slipped them onto his face.

“Well?”

Foggy swallowed.

“They, uh… Look good, buddy,” he said, as if that wasn’t the understatement of the century.

--

“Oh my god he’s straight,” Foggy groaned into his hands. “He was raised by nuns and Jedi ninjas. He’s got to be so straight. Kill me.”

“Is this really the sorta bullshit at the top of your priority list?” Frank demanded, turning to Jo and Karen for an answer since Foggy was clearly in no state to give one.

“We lead complicated lives,” said Jo. “Now come on, Foggy, it’s not all that bad.”

“You’re right, it’s worse.”

Frank continued to look completely done, and Karen shot Jo a helpless look. Jo returned it with a subtle ‘ok’ symbol.

“Thought tall sexy blondes were usually your type anyway,” she mused. “Y’know, like Marci. And Captain America.”

With a groan, Foggy let his head thump against the counter.

“Between you and Matt, I’m starting to think I have two types,” he mumbled.

Instead of being actually helpful for once, Jo just nodded sagely.

“Well. You are bisexual,” she told him. “Now we know you’re not a fraud.”

“I hate you.”

“We gonna talk about those damn Hand ninjas or what?” Frank cut in harshly, although Karen thought she could see the slightest hint of softness, amusement, in his expression.

--

“We could all be dead in the next week,” Jo pointed out blithely, shoveling another bite of pie into her mouth. “Now is not the time for sleeping on concrete and eating gruel, Matt. Hell, things get much worse and I might pop a handful of Benadryl so I can eat a goddamn pizza again before I die.”

“Is that—is that really how you’re processing your mortality?” Matt asked after a long pause.

“Yes. Also, hand me that caramel sauce.”

Matt passed it over, his face somewhere between baffled and disturbed. Foggy just bumped his shoulder gently, holding out the plate of cookies.

“Look buddy,” he said. “Conceal don’t feel might work for you, but the rest of us don’t get into deadly ninja battles every day. And it’s not like one night of junk food is gonna negate those frankly impossible abs, so c’mon – live a little! Jo’s chocolate chip cookies are to die for.”

Matt picked up a cookie and nibbled at the corner delicately.

--

“I don’t have to be able to see them to know that stains like this don’t wash out,” Matt said softly.

He reached up, ostensibly to wipe the blood from his cheek, but his fingers were so trembling and nerveless that he only smeared it across his face.

“Not like that they won’t,” Foggy said gently, purposely misunderstanding him. “But get a little vinegar on it and your shirt will be good as new, Matty.”

Matt smiled mirthlessly as Foggy lifted the washcloth and scrubbed the blood off him.

“And my soul? Gonna clean that with vinegar too?” he asked.

“If I have to.”

--

“Whatever you—whatever you think we are, friends, or… We’re not. You can’t be more important than the mission. Having friends is just another weak point that an enemy can exploit,” Matt said harshly.

“And if you don’t care about anyone, what then?” demanded Foggy, stung. “What’s even the point of saving the world if you don’t give a shit about anyone in it!”

--

“I want… To make things better for him. To get him the hell away from that freaky-ass Jedi ninja cult,” Foggy admitted, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “Beneath all the brainwashing and kick-ass martial arts, he’s so… Soft. Bright. Good. But I don’t think he’ll stay. Not for me, or for anyone.”

Jo nodded.

“It’s his choice, Fog, he’s a grown man,” she told him quietly, thinking of the gentle wonder on Matt’s face at the feel of silk, the taste of chocolate. “But, I. Maybe, you just have to give him a reason to stay. A place that could be home. We can do that, Foggy, I know we can.”

--

“… Matt…?”

Foggy almost couldn’t believe his eyes. There was Matt, standing in the middle of Foggy’s living room looking like he’d been through a woodchipper and then been patched up by… Well, by a machine. Not badly, per se, but with no regard for appearance. Bare-minimum, Spartan care, nothing cosmetic, nothing for comfort. It made Foggy think of Stick, and his stomach twinged with acid.

“Hi,” Matt said softly, his voice hoarse.

“Jesus Christ, Matt, what happened to you? What are you doing here, you look like you need a hospital!”

--

“We… We won,” Matt said, swallowing harshly. “Nobu’s… Gone. The rest of the Hand has gone underground, for now. They’re not working with Fisk anymore. You won’t have to worry about them.”

It was absolutely a circumspect way to look at the situation, clinical and bare-bones. But Foggy Nelson was a lawyer. A damn good lawyer. And he was great at reading between the lines. Finding the things people meant but didn’t say.

“The Chaste is leaving, then,” he said, trying to keep his voice level and mostly succeeding. “You’re leaving. This is goodbye.”

Matt swallowed noisily again, and refused to show his face. He ducked his head and studiously picked at a loose thread on his hoodie. Foggy wanted to shake him, to cry, to make demands, but he knew that only deep, open silence would draw Matt’s words out into the air.

“There never—” Matt took a deep breath. “Foggy, there never should have been a, a reason to say goodbye in the first place. We were never supposed to meet.”

“I don’t believe that, Matt.”

Matt stood sharply and ran his busted-up hands through his hair. He laughed, but the noise was nothing like the night they had eaten junk food together and tried to forget the world around them. There was nothing bright or happy about it.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, Foggy, it doesn’t. Matter,” Matt hissed, pacing the room like a caged panther. “I was never supposed to interfere. Or, or care. I’m not a—I’m not like you, or Jolene, or Karen. I’m not even like Frank Castle. I have one job, one purpose, and that’s to stop the Hand. However I can, regardless of anything else. For right here, right now, that job is done. I just came to—I just. I had to… Just one last time, I had to…”

Matt’s pacing slowed to a stop, and he shook his head. The expression on his face was torn, helpless, and Foggy’s heart plummeted into his stomach like a stone, like a lead weight. His chest was cold, and his pulse was steady, and even though Matt was only feet away it felt like it would take miles to reach out and touch him.

“You could stay,” Foggy said at last, and couldn’t keep his voice from breaking. “With me. With us.”

“Foggy, I can’t.”

--

“You’re not a tool, Matt, you’re a person. A person I care about, we all do! And Hell’s Kitchen is your home! You’re worth so much more than, than cannon fodder for the Chaste’s bullshit ninja war! You’re Matt Murdock and you belong here! You could belong here. You could have a life and… And things for yourself. You’re worth that, no matter what that asshole Stick told you. You’re so kind and good and you… You’re worth everything, Matt. You deserve so many good things.”

--

When Foggy stepped through the door with Matt on his arm, Jo’s apartment fell silent. Several mouths dropped open, but Foggy narrowed his eyes and shook his head minutely.

“Welcome back, Matt,” Karen greeted at last, gently.

Matt’s smile was tremulous, but it was real, and that was enough for Foggy.

“Thanks, Karen,” said Matt. “It… It, uh… It’s good to be back.”

“Your glasses are on the shelf to your right,” Jo added. “We hoped… Well.” She cleared her throat, then abruptly pitched her voice into a more jovial tone. “The rest of us look like bad Elton John cosplayers when we wear ‘em so thank God you two finally showed up.”

Laughter rippled through the room and broke the last of the lingering tension as Matt snagged his glasses from the shelf and slid them onto his nose. With that last barrier put up, a certain tension dropped from his shoulders. Foggy shook his head and couldn’t help but smile.

“Gonna make room on the couch for us?” he asked. “Or do I have to sit my shapely Irish ass on someone’s lap?”

--

Matt clenched and unclenched his hands a few times, wetting his lips with his tongue.

“I’ve been what I am for—a long time,” he choked out. “And I know I can’t erase that but I’m not sure it’s what I want to be anymore. You know?”

Melvin nodded with a quiet hum of agreement.

“I was like that too. But Betsy says, she says you can always do better and change, if you wanna. Betsy helps me be good. Maybe your friends can help you.”

“Yeah. Maybe they can. But I think… I think I need your help too, Melvin. I need you to make something for me.”

--

“They’re in his apartment,” Matt said into the phone, making sure one ear was tilted towards the window – and Foggy and Karen’s heartbeats – even as he spoke to Jo. “He’s not even trying to hide. He wants to— to lure us out. He doesn’t even know Hoffman is missing yet.”

“They… Do they sound alright?” Jo asked weakly.

Matt took a moment to listen closer to the penthouse apartment. The heartbeats within were racing a bit, but Matt didn’t hear bones creaking when they shifted. He didn’t smell blood either. Fisk’s mountain-heavy steps thudded rhythmically across the floor of the room. Back and forth, back and forth. His voice, still low and growling, paced the same away. A quiet pendulum, a monologue.

“He hasn’t hurt them,” Matt assured Jo at last. “We’ll go in soon. Call Officer Mahoney, we’ll leave Fisk for him.”

Matt was distracted for a second by the restless movement by his side. Frank checking and rechecking his guns. He didn’t comment – the impatience was understandable, and it was thrumming through Matt’s veins too.

“You two,” Jo said, and Matt could hear her swallow nervously. “You be safe, both of you, and… A-and bring them back.”

Matt smiled.

“We will. See you soon, Jolene.”

Jo laughed, though the sound was wavering and edged in fear.

“You don’t see shit,” she said.

Then they both hung up.

“Finally,” Frank muttered. “We gonna go or what, Red?”

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

Matt slipped his clubs from their holster and dropped the phone into their place.

--

“Matt…”

“Can I… Can I…?” he asked softly, desperately, his hands still framing Foggy’s face.

“Yeah, I…” Foggy nodded. “Sure thing, buddy.”

Then Matt leaned in and kissed him – soft, quick presses of lip to lip. One, two, three, four, five as though he had to keep making sure that Foggy was still there, still real. Each one sent a spark of warm electricity jumping down Foggy’s spine.

“Hey,” he said at last, between kisses. “Hey. I’m right here, Matt. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, so just…”

Pressing forward and smoothing a hand through Matt’s tousled hair, Foggy eased them into something slower and lingering. The tension dropped from Matt’s shoulders and he made a soft noise that had Foggy wanting to bundle him up in about fifteen fuzzy blankets.

“Foggy,” Matt breathed when they parted for air, resting his forehead against Foggy’s. “Foggy, I… I’m so sorry, I couldn’t… He should have never…”

“Hey, c’mon. I’m fine. Karen’s fine. You and Frank saved us, Matt. It’s over, ok? It’s over.”

--

“You made the right choice, you know?” commented Karen. “I think… This is where you’re supposed to be.”

Matt grinned, the smile huge and dorky and wonderful.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think so too.”

It was a heartwarming idea, Foggy reflected, to be able to believe that in the end all roads lead you home. He generally considered himself something of a skeptic – but with a cheap beer in his hand, pressed against Matt at shoulder and thigh, able to look at the full room of friends around them, it seemed about right.

[eldritchsurveys]

276.

Looks and Personality

What do you look like? >> I was going to just paste a selfie in here but I felt weird about having a big photo of my face just... here, like that, so here’s a link to one instead. Which is also ideal because then people can choose to look if they want to know, or not look if they don’t care. How often do you bathe? >> Three times a week (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday). How do you wear your hair? >> I just keep it short. The longer it gets, the worse my ability to take care of it gets, so it’s way better for my sanity to just buzz it and call it a day.

What colours do you tend to wear? >> Black, mostly. At this point it’s largely just convenience (a black garment will automatically match everything else in my wardrobe), not because I don’t like other colours. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? >> The number 19 in Roman numerals with a spider dangling from the “I” on the inside of my wrist (Dark Tower reference, and a reference to me); a Mannaz rune on the back of my hand (it’s the Norse rune I like best); “scully, it’s me” on the inside of my elbow (I’ve been an X-Phile for literally most of my life and it really does define me at this point. Sparrow has the matching version -- “mulder, it’s me” -- but I had been planning on getting this even before we decided to do it this way).

What kind of clothes do you wear? >> A lot of band shirts and branded lounge pants and hoodies. I like to be comfortable but also advertise the things I like. What kind of jewellery do you wear? >> A few important pieces, but nothing much. Jewelry annoys me because I love the way it looks but it can be such sensory bullshit. Is there anything else you often wear? >> Not really. Would you say you had a “look”? >> I don’t think so, no. I used to, but I don’t have any of the clothes I used to have and finding new ones to match the look I like is... so fucking hard. I cannot convey to you how much of a nightmare trying to shop for clothing is for me. Another reason why I just buy a lot of t-shirts. :T When going out, do you dress up or down? >> That obviously depends on the outing. And how I feel that day. What do you wear to bed at home? >> Lounge pants and an undershirt. What do you wear to bed when your somewhere else? >> The same. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? >> If there was, I wouldn’t tell you. What’s your favourite food? >> I don’t have one specific favourite food. What’s your favourite drink? >> Non-alcoholic? Jasmine green tea (cold). What’s your favourite desert? >> I don’t have one. What’s your favourite type of food (e.g Mexican)? >> That’s really difficult to choose. Do you have any mental problems? >> Sure. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? >> I don’t have any phobias, no. Why might somebody dislike you? >> There are a variety of reasons someone might dislike me, and I’m sure I can’t even think of them all, because I can only see myself from the inside. But everyone’s dislikeable to someone. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? >> I think I have a way with words. I mean, I spent most of my developmental years really interested in language and story-telling, and I guess it paid off. Or maybe it’s a Gift(TM), I don’t know. Who knows, really? It’s just the only kind of charm I have, so I’m glad I have it. :p What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? >> Resilience, adaptability, curiosity. They kind of all go hand-in-hand. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? >> My tendency to treat myself harshly for even the slightest things. But whereas my greatest strengths are innate, this greatest flaw is definitely learned behaviour from how I was treated. Who do you most admire? >> *shrug* Who do you most love? >> *shrug* What three things do you look for most in a partner? >> I don’t really look for partners in the first place. Do you like crowds? >> Crowds tend to be sensory hell for me, so I avoid them whenever possible. What are your hobbies? >> Mehhhhhh. If you can’t get to sleep in the middle of the night, what do you do? >> Read, usually. What is your favourite animal? >> Otters and capybaras. What is your favourite colour? >> Gold. If you could ask God (to athiests - IF there was one) one question, what? >> Well, as neither a monotheist or an atheist, I really don’t know what to do with this question. If I have a question for a god, I usually just... ask them. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10. 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper >> Number scales are so arbitrary to me and my personality traits are dependent on situation, person, etc. None of this is set in stone like I’m some kind of character trope. Skipping. Charm Cheerfulness Confidence Courtesy Curiousity Forgiveness Generosity Greed Helpfulness Honesty Loyalty Optimism Patience Self-sacrafice Wit

Background

Where were you born and raised? >> New Jersey. Briefly describe your family. >> I really would rather not. You must choose one - your childhood was calm/peaceful or tragic/turbulent? >> My assessment of my childhood is extremely unreliable because I really wasn’t too present for most of it. I spent most of my childhood inworld. Outworld was just this incomprehensible mess that I couldn’t make any sense of until well into adulthood. Did you have any rolemodels? >> No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? >> Hmm. How did it affect you? >> All in all, I had a maladaptive development, still have remnants of post-traumatic behaviour, and still lack the ability to form healthy emotional bonds with other people. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? >> I mean, maybe when I was younger, but I don’t remember. What were they? >> ---

Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? >> Something like that. Do you have any close friends? >> No. Briefly describe your best friend: >> --- Any enemies? >> No. What’s even the point, really. Who? What are they like? >> --- Would you risk your life for your best friend?(not lover or family member!) >> I... can’t imagine risking my life for anyone. With who was your most important romantic relationship? >> --- Of what are you most proud? >> I don’t know. I guess the fact that I kept living, and kept fighting for a better day. Of what are you most ashamed? >> Maybe that I can’t just... fix everything wrong with me through brute force, by myself. Which is stupid, because no one can do that. But I feel like I have no other choice, so if I can’t fix me, then...????

Alignment, Ethics and Religion

What is your religion? >> I am my own religion. --Facetious answers aside, I don’t have a religion because none of them suit me. At best, I’d be a syncretist, but mostly I’m just irreverent. Where do you stand on abortion? >> I am pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? >> I really don’t see a point to it. I mean, I can see what other people regard as the point, but it doesn’t sway me personally. Where do you stand on wearing fur? >> I really don’t care. Wear all the fur you want; that’s not a hill I care to die on. Do you have a moral code that you follow? What? >> Meh, not really. My take on morality is really just... everything is situation-dependent and moral codes are always subject to revisions -- and when people refuse to revise them, messy shit tends to happen. Could you kill somebody? >> I mean, maybe. For what reason would you kill somebody? >> I don’t know. I feel like self-defense would be a pretty solid reason for me to kill someone. But if I’m honest, “curiosity” is just as solid a reason, for someone like me. (Fortunately for everyone involved, the law exists, and I like my freedom.) Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? >> No. Do you trust easily, or not? >> Not. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? >> I have no political beliefs. I literally could not be bothered to give a fuck, and I certainly couldn’t imagine seriously arguing with someone about this shit. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? >> I really can’t imagine sacrificing my life for anything. My life is the most important thing to me, and it’s the only one I’ve got. Would you ever, for any reason, abandon your friends in an hour of need? >> I mean, yeah, there are certainly situations and unforeseen circumstances that would necessitate me abandoning a friend in their hour of need. But I think I would do my best to not do that unless it was extremely necessary.

Motivation

What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? >> Hm. How do you plan to reach them? >> --- How would your ideal partner look? >> *insert a picture of Cenarius from World of Warcraft here*

Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? >> Oh, I don’t know. I think a lot about what it would be like to raise a child with all my sensory issues and... unorthodox approaches to life. I’m still not entirely convinced I could do it, especially if I’m the only parent at home most of the time. I’d prefer to help raise a child, like in a communal kind of setting, and contribute to the child’s development by being someone who will encourage their creativity and curiosity and sense of wonder and sense of humour. But the real messy shit (literally) about raising children? The noise and smells and dirt and all of that? I’d do it if I could, but I’m pretty sure it’d be at least mildly disturbing for a child to see their parent or parental figure having a meltdown while trying to clean up after them. Children tend to take shit like that real personally and there’d be nothing I could do to persuade them otherwise. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? >> --- What would stop you from reaching your goals (e.g. death, retirement fund)? >> --- What do you see yourself doing next year? >> I have no real comprehension or concept of anything past a couple of weeks into the future, at most. What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? >> See above. Would you ever have an affair? >> I’m not in a strict monogamous relationship, so that’s not even necessary. Would you ever have a one night stand? >> No, those days are over. What are your greatest fears? >> A bad death is a great fear of mine. I don’t think I’m particularly afraid of death itself, I’m just afraid of a bad death.

More information

If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? >> My life is mostly like that already. How do you relax? >> Eh, it depends. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? >> *amused look at “abolish Sweden”* I don’t have anything like that. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? >> No. How would you like to be remembered after your death? >> I think I would just settle for being remembered for a while. I don’t like to focus too much on how I’m seen by other people, because that’s completely out of my control. Plus... I’ll be dead. It’s not like I’ll ever find out how people remember me, so what’s the point in caring?

Random questions

Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? >> Nope. How did they affect you? >> --- Do you have any famous relatives? >> Not that I know of. Wouldn’t really care if I did, either. Do you have to try and live up to your family’s expectations? >> --- Are you a loyal member of any organizations? >> No.

General Information

Name: >> Mordred. Age: >> 31. Date Of Birth: >> May 28. Race: >> Black. Height: >> 5′5″. Weight: >> 148lbs. Are you happy with this? >> No, but I’m trying really, really hard not to hyperfocus on it, because all it’ll lead me to do is punish myself and we’re trying to move away from that kind of behaviour. Desired weight: >> 130lbs. Sexual orientation: >> Inworlders only. First language: >> English. Second/Third/Fourth etc. languages (if any): >> --- Why did you take this survey? >> It looked interesting enough, and I hadn’t already taken it.

[zwei-the-penguin-with-a-pen]

‘Pearl of the Stars’

"I know you guys love my so-called 'greatest hits', but would you mind if I performed something new?" Blake asked her small, cozy audience at the Beastly Beans coffee shop. The whole place cheered and whistled for Blake, making the catgirl blush ten shades of red.

Ilia smiled at her from behind the counter as she finished blending a smoothie for a parakeet faunus woman. The bird lady threw Ilia a nice tip, thanking her again. Ilia thanked her customer back, tossing the stray Lien bill into her jar. Her tip jar looked stunning tonight. Then again, lots of her better customers made the scene to listen to Blake.

"This next one is about two women: the one that I thought would be the only woman I'd ever love, and the one who I love even more. I guess you could say it's two poems that run together. I like to call it 'Rainbow Hearts'!" Blake announced.

"BLAKE THAT'S GAY!!" Kobalt, Ilia's coworker, and Blake's biggest fan yelled from behind the counter. Blake smirked. Ilia facepalmed at her idiot coworker.

"I certainly hope so, Kobalt. That's what I'm going for..." Blake retorted. The whole coffeehouse laughed at the reply. "Anyway..."

So my descriptive powers could use a little work

But her lilac eyes and the slightest hairpin curve

Of her soft lips when she smiled at me were the best and worst

It's difficult to forget exactly how much it hurt

When up and away from me the dragon flew so far

The golden mane of Dragonfire took away my heart

She was the only one I ever let kiss my scars

Until I found my Rainbow, my Pearl of the Stars

The scales upon her skin shine a brighter gold

Than the dragon's dim blaze, if I may be so bold

She warms my very soul and my skin when it's cold

And seeing her happy is a wonder to behold

Because amber is the color of her energy

A shade of gold playing naturally

The way that her skin changes color so magically

I'm honestly still surprised that she ever came back to me

Blood still rushes to my head as I'm seeing her

She turned my philophobia into heart-philia

It's a colorful adventure when I'm near to ya

My heart belongs to Amitola, a rainbow named Ilia

"... I don't know if you should thank me or my girlfriend for that one..." Blake mused as she finished her poem. The entire coffeehouse cheered for her, standing and clapping. "Hey, Reptile! They really like it!" Blake mentioned to Ilia, who was blushing brightly. Her entire top half had turned red.

"I don't think anyone liked it as much as Ilia did, Blakey!" Kobalt called back to Blake when Ilia could not respond. Blake laughed as Ilia came to her senses. She changed her skin back to its usual tan.

"Anyway, that's all the mind vomit that I have for you all. I know this place has to close sooner or later. I was Blake Belladonna, and thank you for having me. It was a terrible choice, but I'm glad you made it all the same." Everyone cheered as Blake bowed courteously and left the stage. She took up a seat at a table in case anyone had anything for her to sign.

Ilia wished she could sit with her, but she still had orders to prepare and chores to finish. At least her line was getting smaller and smaller. There were plenty of smoothies mixed already since that's usually what the later crowds ordered. Not many folks wanted coffee so late in the day.

The next person in her line ordered the most difficult coffee they could possibly order. As Ilia typed the order into her computer, she realized that there wasn't actually any coffee in it; just a bunch of flavor enhancers. Ilia resisted the urge to roll her eyes and got to work on the meticulous beverage. A shot of this, a drip of that, a sprinkle of these, a drizzle of those, yadda yadda yadda, and BOOM: an overpriced coffee that wasn't even actually coffee.

She passed the drink to the tigress who'd purchased it. The striped woman grinned and gave Ilia a monumental tip. Ilai's eyes turned to stars as she fervently thanked the woman for her generous tip. The tigress only smiled and nodded.

"Yo, Scale Face! Don't forget that part of that is mine!" Kobalt nicked. Ilia laughed at him.

"My extremely difficult coffee, my gigantic tip!" She joked, tossing the money into the jar. The wolf boy huffed and puffed, pouting for good measure. "Oh, come on, Wolfsbane! You know I'd never take your money. How could you buy things for Cynnamyn then?"

"That boy can buy himself a new squeeze if he keeps acting up! Don't ever date a bug faunus if you can help it." Kobalt huffed again. Ilia rolled her eyes.

"You say that at least twice a week, but then he puts it on you really well and you forget about it!" Kobalt almost spat out his drink at that. Ilia winked at him.

"Don't make me waste a perfectly good smoothie with your filthy mouth! I don't talk about you and Blake's sexy time in front of customers!"

"You better not talk about it at all, because I know Ilia doesn't tell any of my secrets, Wolfy." The color left Kobalt's face as he heard Blake say that. She smiled at the wolf boy and ordered her favorite tea. "So you and your spider boy are still doing okay?" She asked her favorite wolf. He made a hand motion and went into a story Ilia had heard a million times that day.

\/\/\/\/\/

Blake and Ilia crashed into Blake's bed after a shower. The two of them snuggled up close as they watched a drama show on Blake's small TV. It was more background noise for Blake, as she was content looking at Ilia.

"I can't believe you wrote me a poem and performed it before you even told me. You made me blush in front of every hipster in Menagerie, Shadow." Ilia mused, kissing Blake's forehead. Blake smiled against Ilia's chest, her breathing giving Ilia goosebumps.

"You could say 'Thank You', Rainbow," Blake said, kissing Ilia's sternum. Ilia could hardly stand that, but she powered through her bodily reactions.

"I did, I'm just still being dramatic about it." Ilia rubbed her face in Blake's hair, the catgirl's ears tickling her face.

"Ilia, you have the most beautiful scales ever."

'Thanks, I grew them myself." The two girls shared a laugh at that.

"I especially love these ones on your belly." Blake poked one of Ilia's scales and watched it perk up in reaction. "They're almost like tummy freckles!" She said, kissing one of the scales for a long moment. This drove Ilia wild, but she didn't let Blake know that... yet. Blake continued kissing her way around Ilia's belly.

"Blake, that's the gayest thing I've ever seen, and I work with Kobalt almost every day," Ilia joked. Blake smirked.

"I could just stop..."

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Ilia yelled. Blake laughed as she kissed more and more scales, moving steadily lower as she kissed.

"Thank you again for the poem, Shadow. It was incredible. I love you."

"You're welcome, Reptile. I love you too."

Blake's next kiss was the last scale on Ilia's belly, but that would not make her last kiss by any means.

\/\/\/\/\/

\/\/\/\/\/

\/\/\/\/\/

Day 8: An Antagonist

I mean, Ilia USED TO BE an antag, right?

Nah, I just wanted an excuse to write Calico / Catmeleon / Black Rainbow

Also an excuse to use my ‘tummy freckles’ shitpost was good, too.

[whatwewrotepodcast]

Character Profile - Ithuriel

Basic Statistics  

Name: Ithuriel Age: 6 months or eternity, depends how you look at it Nationality: Currently American, formally Divine Socioeconomic Level as a child: N/A Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Low Hometown: Heaven Current Residence: Brooklyn, New York Occupation: Enforcer for Raif Income: N/A Talents/Skills: Proficient with a range of hand guns, good aim, also competent in hand-to-hand fighting, and the use of a spear in both ranged and hand-to-hand combat.   Salary: N/A Birth order: 3rd of 7 Siblings (describe relationship): Technically the other 6 Arc Angels are his brothers and sisters. Previously a good relationship with most of them, though he was closest to Gabriel, Amitiel and Raphael, however his relationship with Gabriel suffered after his fall.   Spouse (describe relationship): N/A Children (describe relationship): N/A Grandparents (describe relationship): N/A Grandchildren (describe relationship): N/A Significant Others (describe relationship): N/A at commencement of TSC Relationship skills: Ithuriel’s relationship skills are not the best. He has a tendency to be prickly and overreactive, and often blows things out of proportion. He can be shy and reserved and hard to get to know. He makes up for these deficits by being a genuinely kind, warm person who never intends to hurt anyone, and generally feels guilty when his actions adversely affect those he cares about.  

More beneath the cut

Physical Characteristics:  Height: 6’2” Weight: 110kg Race: Caucasian   Eye Colour: Golden Hair Colour: Dirty/Dark blonde Glasses or contact lenses? No Skin colour: Fair, but with a bit of a golden hint, tans easily Shape of Face: Sharp, strong jawline, high cheekbones, long, straight nose. Overall impression of hard, clean lines, very little softness.   Distinguishing features: Two large, nasty scars down his back, from shoulders to hips. A pair of stylised Angel wings tattooed on the inside of his left wrist and a tattoo of an ornate spearhead on the inside of his right forearm.   How does he/she dress? Jeans, usually fairly loose cut, blue. Black or grey long-sleeved shirts or t-shirts. Black trench coat, military style boots, a scarf if it’s cold. Always muted tones though, never wears colour, always black/white/grey.   Mannerisms: Often runs his fingers through his hair when he’s troubled. Pinches the bridge of his nose when he’s thinking hard or when things are driving him to frustration.   Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) Has a fondness for chocolate, but nothing that really counts as a habit per se.   Health: About as good as can be. More than human. Doesn’t suffer from most human illnesses or diseases, has improved healing from injury and is able to survive with less food, water and rest than the average human.   Hobbies: Currently doesn’t really have hobbies, though he does like to people watch. Favourite Sayings: N/A Speech patterns: Tends towards overly formal language, doesn’t use a lot of contractions, does have a New York accent but it’s towards the more upper class end of the scale, and sometimes veers into a very generic, hard to locate sort of American accent.   Disabilities: N/A   Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Professionally broody chic. Tends towards the shabby side though.   Greatest flaw: His short temper. He had a propensity to explode over minor issues, has a very short fuse, and often says things in fits of anger that he later regrets.   Best quality: A genuine kindness and love for humanity.   Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes  Educational Background: None Intelligence Level: Technically very high – he’s an Angel and so has divine intelligence, but his lack of experience in the world means most of the time that intelligence is of very little use to him as it hasn’t got anything to back it up.   Any Mental Illnesses? Technically no, though it could be argued he has a bit of PTSD about his Fall.   Learning Experiences: Everything is a learning experience for Ith. He’s been living on earth for just over 6 months and so everything, from learning how to safely cross the road to making toast are learning experiences of him.   Character's short-term goals in life: Work off his debt to Raif and be able to live his life free of debt and restrictions.   Character's long-term goals in life: Get back to Heaven.   How does Character see himself/herself? Ithuriel has a pretty complicated relationship with himself. On the one hand, he’s quite proud. He was an arc, and as such had quite a high opinion of himself. He was very powerful, there were few who could tell him what to do or how to do it. He was convinced of his own righteousness. However, since his Fall, his sense of worth took a bit of a hit. He still sees himself as ‘better’ than most humans, more moral, more ethical, but he also fell, and that took some of the wind out of his sails. He is now conflicted about who he is and what his existence means, and where he stands in the world.   How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Ithuriel doesn’t think much of how other people see him, especially at the start of the story. He doesn’t think much about other people’s internal worlds. However, as he develops, he does start to worry that people think of him as a bit stuffy, a bit uncool, and a bit overly righteous.   How self-confident is the character? Initially very, but he lost a lot of faith in himself and his ability to make the right decisions when he Fell.   Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Definitely ruled by emotion – probably one of his greatest flaws is letting his feelings get in the way of making the sensible, logical decision.   What would most embarrass this character? Any reference towards sexuality or sexual activity, especially towards the start of the story.   Emotional Characteristics Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert How does the character deal with anger? Very, very badly. Mostly by letting it explode all over the place. He has a short fuse.   With sadness? He lets himself feel it, but only within himself. He doesn’t tend towards being demonstrative about his emotions.   With conflict? Again, not well. He tends to shout first and think later.   With change? He’s gone through a lot of changes recently and considering the magnitude of them, he coped remarkably well. That said, he did struggle a lot with readjusting to his new role in life.   With loss? By suppressing it until it bursts out of him in explosions of jealousy towards those who have that which he has lost.   What does the character want out of life? At the moment, he’s just trying to do with best with what he has.   What would the character like to change in his/her life? He would go back to Heaven and get his wings back.   What motivates this character? Partially the desire to get back to Heaven, though he rarely admits it to himself. Mostly a deeply in-ground sense of what is right and what is wrong and the desire to correct the wrongs and do the right thing.   What frightens this character? The idea of dying alone, in a strange world, and going to Hell. The thought of becoming corrupted and evil and losing the parts of him he sees as ‘good’.   What makes this character happy? Simple things such as chocolate, watching people who are happy, the feeling that he has made the right decisions, Merry.   Is the character judgmental of others? Oh boy yes. Incredibly judgemental, though often he feels a bit bad about his original impressions once he gets to know people.   Is the character generous or stingy? Generous.   Is the character generally polite or rude? He likes to think he’s polite, but often he can be a bit rude, in part because he doesn’t understand social cues very well and in part because he’s just a bit brusque and too self important to worry about the ‘niceties’.   Spiritual Characteristics Does the character believe in God? God literally created him and he knows Him personally, so yah he does.   What are the character's spiritual beliefs? He doesn’t have beliefs, he has knowledge.   Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Not really, because Ith doesn’t need to ‘believe’ in things. He knows and understands the truth of the world and the Heavens so it’s not a spiritual experience for him, it’s just his reality.   If so, what role does it play? N/A How the Character is Involved in the Story  Character's role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): Hero/Romantic interest   Scene where character first appears:  

Ithuriel shifted his weight, pins and needles tingling down his legs. He sighed, a brief allowance of impatience.  He was crouching uncomfortably on the edge of a low building, his gaze fixed on the dark street below. It was nearing dawn and the streets were empty with the early morning hush. A biting breeze was whistling around the edges of the stout brick buildings, its prying fingers reaching under coats, lifting hats, and chilling blood. He turned the collar of his heavy trench coat up against the cold, but didn’t dare shift his position. In the quiet, even the slightest of sounds would carry. He’d been hunched on the exposed rooftop for hours now, and he was damned if he was going to risk startling his quarry for the sake of a moment’s release.    

Relationships with other characters: 1. Merry -- (Describe relationship with this character and changes to relationship over the course of the novel).

Ithuriel initially sees Merry as a bit of a helpless human in need of rescuing, though it doesn’t take long before he begins to see her as more of an important tool to use against Moloch. He’s bemused by her and the often flippant attitude she takes towards life. She’s the first human he’s had prolonged contact with and she forces him to re-evaluate the way in which he perceives humans and accept them as individuals rather than one sort of mass that he can judge all together. As they get to know each other better, Ithuriel starts to respect Merry’s independent nature and her bravery in the face of a world that’s much bigger than anything she ever knew before. This respect soon turns to friendship before developing into something deeper.  

2. Belial: -- (Describe relationship with this character and changes to relationship over the course of the novel).

Ithuriel’s relationship with Belial is initially antagonistic. Ithuriel fears becoming what he sees in Belial and as a result tries to push Belial to be better to assuage his own fears of losing himself without hope of return. It quickly becomes important to Ithuriel that Belial choose the right side though this is primarily a reflection of his insecurities. Belial becomes a proxy through which he tries to convince himself that he can still be saved. Over time, this attitude shifts towards a genuine desire to see Belial save himself, and an appreciation for who Belial is as a person.   How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: 

Ithuriel’s arc is one of coming to accept his new existence and appreciate the grey areas that make life so interesting. He begins to see the value in people and the ways in which they can be good and worthwhile without having to adhere to a strict sense of morality. By the end, he has come to realise that humanity is worth saving because of the intrinsic value of life, and all the beauty and wonder that humanity has created.  

[speakingskies]

AO3 Meme

@nefertiti22002blog tagged me to do this (thanks!), so here we go!

Total wordcount?

133,576 - 2/3 of which is from one fic. I was always a bit of a one-shot writer until The Echoes Resound, when I went from an average of 2-5k words per fic to 88k and counting. Oops!

How often do you write?

Oh god, it changes so much and depends so much on life in general. When I’m on a good kick, it’s about all I do other than eat, work and sleep, and when I’m not all I can do other than work and eat is sleep. 

Short answer: “Who knows?”

Do you have a routine for writing?

Haha, noooooo! Sometimes I need to lock myself away and switch off the internet and all surrounding noises, sometimes I need to have a bit of background noise or music on. Whenever I find something that seems to work really well and try to implement that as a routine it fails miserably because my brain always rebels against the slightest hint of order.

While writing fanfic, I try not to read too much fic in that fandom bc my brain is very spongey and I am very paranoid and I worry about absorbing too much from other people; I grew up in the HP fandom where fanon started taking over from canon, so I prefer to reread the source material when I need a hit. (When I finish TER (hopefully soon!) I am going on an AO3 BINGE, let me tell you, nothing will be safe).

The only thing that I need is tea, preferably in one particular mug which holds almost an entire pint (below, with JSAMN for scale, in a picture that, surprisingly, I had anyway and was not taken specifically for this post). I love that mug.

What’s your favourite kinks/tropes/pairings?

As this is my JSAMN blog, I’ll keep this fandom-specific: 

Pairing-wise Childermass/Segundus owns my heart fairly completely (I’m a generally sucker for the people left over at the end and how they get on after everything, see also: my overriding love for Remus Lupin), but I’m down for more or less anything. I love all the characters so much, and they all have such different relationships with each other that anything is interesting (I have an Emmabella fic going on the back burner, and I adore Childermass/Lascelles as a hateship although I don’t trust myself to write it well). I also love Childermass being the fandom bicycle.

Tropes: I love the good old enemies-to friends-to lovers (*cough*johnsquared*cough*). Strangely, as my only jsamn fic at the moment is an AU, I tend not to read or write any of those (I don’t know what came over me), and mostly love fic that explores the source’s world.

Kinks: There’s not anything I hunt out regularly really. In fandom, for me, kinks are very much pairing based, and beyond that it just depends what kind of mood I’m in.

Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

Presently, definitely The Echoes Resound, as it’s really given me a boost in my own confidence. It’s the first time in probably over a decade that I’ve written something long and plotty which I have actually posted, and as such got close to actually finishing.

Your fic with the most kudos?

Between Eternities (a fic in The Raven Cycle fandom) has 459 kudos. It’s a YA series, and I posted it just after the last book in the series was released, so timing worked quite well for me. It’s also my second longest fic, at 12,087 words.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Erm, actually sitting down and doing it? (As someone somewhere once said, I enjoy having written more than I enjoy actually writing, or: “The practice of magic writing is full of frustrations and disappointments, but the study is a continual delight!“)

Generally I like my writing - especially when you get that odd nugget that makes you rub your hands together and think “ooh yeah, that’s good!” as you’re writing (which you then have to edit out because it doesn’t make sense in the story).

I think when you’re writing something and reading it and editing it and reading it and editing it, one can fixate a little on the negatives, but I hope I get rid of enough of what I don’t like before I post.

When writing fic I usually like to stick as closely to the source material as I can, but as TER is an AU (although I would argue not a total AU), I’m really concerned about my characterisation and keeping everyone close enough to their book selves, but also not too out of place in the modern world.

Also: Too many commas. Always too many commas. They breed when I’m not looking, I’m sure.

Now something you do like?

I’m not very good at being nice about myself so this one is a bit difficult, even though I’m very particular about what I post and don’t post, so I don’t tend to upload things that I don’t like.

I think I’m pretty good at getting a hold of moments and conveying atmospheres? There are moments and paragraphs that I love, but I can’t think of anything more general. Oh - I think my sex scenes aren’t too shabby?

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do it! I feel I don’t really know anyone here well enough to tag them outright, but please do it if you feel like it :)

[kieren-fucking-walker]

I Find My Peace With You - (Brotzly)

“I think,” Dirk says after a moment, keeping his voice quiet. “What I’d really like to do is just…” he looks up through his lashes, and the shyness is genuine this time, “stay here with you.”

Todd’s stupid traitor heart skips a beat.

Sometimes the universe is quiet, sometimes they get lazy days.

It's kind of perfect.

(A fluffy fic full of fluff where our boys get a much deserved break.)

(AO3)

There’s rain at the window, pitter-pattering against the glass in a way that makes Dirk think he’s back in England for a split second when he first wakes up. The cold air against his toes where they’re just peeking out under the covers is enough to let him know his original assumption was wrong though, when left alone Dirk never uses the covers, that’s someone else’s doing. Someone else who is missing, but has left a warm spot that Dirk immediately rolls into as soon as he notices, sighing in contentment.

His sigh is mirrored not long after, following the sound of a door closing and bringing the smell of coffee and tea with it.

“You’re on my side of the bed,” it’s trying to be grumpy, rough with sleep but there’s no hiding the fondness to his tone. Dirk grins where he’s buried his face into the pillow and turns his head to blink his eyes open. Todd is the first thing he sees, hair ruffled and sleep soft with pillow creases still lining his face, and Dirk has never had a better start to the day.

“My side is warm too,” he offers, not making the slightest indication that he might move. Todd rolls his eyes and smacks his shoulder with the paper he’s holding out to him, but he relents a moment later when he crawls into bed alongside him. Dirk takes the paper, setting it aside without sparing a glance, choosing instead to watch Todd scrunch his nose up at his first sip of coffee. Dirk still can’t work out why he takes it black if he doesn’t like it that way, Todd insists he does and that it just takes a moment to get used to but Dirk watches every morning for that little scrunch of distaste that proves him right. Todd catches on quicker today, only a second after he’s done it and raises an eyebrow in the face of Dirk’s knowing smile.

“Don’t you dare,” he warns, the wrong thing to say when Dirk’s smile turns up to meet the mischief in his eyes.

“I haven’t got any idea what you’re talking about Todd,” he states primly, pulling himself up so he can drink his tea. He’d tried while lying down a fair few times before now and it had never worked out.

“Good,” the look Todd gives him is inherently suspicious nonetheless. “Keep it that way.”

“It’s just, you do know that sugar exists don’t you?” he says, peering innocently at him over the edge of his mug.

“Considering I’ve just poured half a bag into your ridiculous monstrosity of a drink, I think it’s fair to assume I do,” the look he gives Dirk’s drink tells him exactly what he thinks of that. Knowing that he did it anyway has him curling his toes into the blankets happily.

“You’re supposed to say something about how you’re sweet enough already,” it’s teasing more than anything and Todd snorts, shaking his head.

“When has anyone ever considered me sweet?” he challenges. Dirk, never one to back down from a challenge from Todd, takes it happily.

“Well there was that little old lady the other day who told me you looked sweet.”

“Yeah, because she didn’t speak to me.”

“She also told me my tie was exquisite, so she clearly knows what she’s talking about.” It had been a particularly good one he'll admit, and she'd called him charming. Dirk liked her.

“Your tie had tiny cat faces all over it,” he says, like this negates the point and having no idea how wrong he is.

“And she loved it, proving that she has perfect taste. Or at least that her taste matches mine, and my tastes happen to include you, ergo she was right.”

“You are so full of shit.”

Dirk takes another sip of his tea and gives Todd a pointed look. “I think you’re sweet.”

He gets eyebrows in return, scornful and disbelieving. “And we’ve just established that you’re full of shit, so I’m not sure that proves anything.”

“If I asked you to go to the bakery round the corner and get me a muffin you would go.”

“I’d tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“Well, yes. But you’d go anyway, within the hour usually.” Dirk delights in the way Todd visibly struggles to find a way to deny that, knowing they both know it's true.

“To shut you up!” it's a protest, but not one he finds particularly convincing so he just smiles and presses on.

“No, I’ve tested it. I only have to ask once. I’m working on the timings next, seeing if I can work out exactly how far in advance I have to ask you to get me something in order to have it by the time I need it. It’s very sweet.”

“I-” Todd fumbles for a moment, seemingly outraged by the accusation but Dirk knows better, particularly when he's close enough to see the way his cheeks are starting to flush. “That’s not sweet! It’s not on purpose. I always go there for coffee anyway.”

Dirk gives him a moment of silence to show exactly what he thinks of that before conceding, “no, you’re right Todd. You’re an utter bastard, what was I thinking?”

Todd stares disbelievingly, rolling his eyes and turning back to his coffee when it becomes clear he's not going to get any further by arguing his case into the ground. “Shut up. Read your paper,” he grumbles into his mug, it’s too early for this.

Dirk’s smile softens, shaking his head as he leans into his space, “I don’t need to. Not today,” there’s no call to go out looking, no tugging in his gut, and no white noise in his head. The universe is blissfully, perfectly silent for once and he closes his eyes to enjoy the quiet of it, resting his head on Todd’s shoulder.

“No cases today?” he’s clearly surprised and Dirk can’t blame him, even if cases tend to drop into his lap he usually goes looking for them anyway, trying to get there first and give himself a head start.

“No anything today,” he corrects, voice soft to match the stillness he can feel where the uncomfortable pushing and pulling usually is. For now it seems, the universe is happy that everything is perfectly in its place, and it sings along the core of his being like the stars have aligned inside of him. The absolute certainty that only usually comes with the quick moments of clarity when he solves a case, filled with an overwhelming sense of right.

It's a bit dizzying, actually.

“Isn’t it, I don’t know, bad? If the universe isn’t telling you anything?” trust Todd to try and make this into a negative, Dirk rolls his eyes even if he keeps them closed.

“The universe is telling me things, it’s just not telling me to go anywhere. In fact, I think it may get very angry if I even think about moving from this bed.”

Todd is quiet for a very long moment, takes a sip of his coffee before he asks “are you trying to bullshit me?” Dirk doesn’t even have chance to start telling him how utterly offended he is at that accusation. “I know you never want to get out of bed, but using the universe as an excuse is a new one.”

“Most people would probably find it romantic that the universe thinks we’re so perfectly suited that the only time it wants me to stay put is when I’m in bed with you,” he’s more haughty about it than he should be and it’s mostly down to the fact that he can’t believe he’d never thought of that excuse before.

“Perfectly suited?” there’s something odd about his voice that Dirk can’t quite put his finger on.

“Well, usually I only get feelings about something being wrong and needing to be put right. But right now, here, with you, it just feels… calm. Quiet. Kind of,” he wiggles his fingers in front of him, looking for the words, “like when you finish a jigsaw puzzle or you organise your socks and everything is just so. Right where it needs to be. That’s what it feels like. The whole universe in perfect balance.”

Dirk doesn’t talk a lot about what the universe feels like, Todd knows it’s because he finds it frustrating that nobody can ever seem to understand him no matter what words he uses. He’s never quite realised before the scale on which that feeling operates though, and he turns his head to look at the mess of hair resting on his shoulder.

“Is it like that all the time? Not good, obviously, but- is it really that much... stuff? The whole universe?” he sounds a mix of uncertain and awed even though the implication of it has him frowning.

“Well, yes.” Dirk fidgets his fingers, unsure if he’s suggesting it’s a bad thing or not. “Usually it’s just background noise and I can block it out except for the really insistent bits, but I can always hear it,” he shrugs, the movement a little stiff. “If I really try to focus on it I can feel it all… everywhere. I don’t do that a lot, if I do then... Sometimes I get sort of stuck? Like my body stops being mine and I don’t know how to get back. If things are particularly messed up or I’ve been ignoring something for too long it can get far too loud to ignore and that’s a whole other problem in itself,” he falls quiet for a moment but Todd doesn’t interrupt him, just waits him out. “It’s rather like having a constant headache which, I suppose, is why it’s nice that it’s...quiet.” There’s a note Dirk always gets to his voice when he’s said something important but doesn’t know how it’s going to be received, it’s something Todd kind of hates.

“Because it’s… perfect?” he asks into his coffee cup, mostly because perfect is not a concept to be thrown around lightly, and because using it makes him feel like a silly teenage girl with a crush.

“Perfect,” Dirk agrees, much more confident with it. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” he turns his smile on Todd, bright and sunny when their eyes meet and it’s quite possible that the ‘silly teenage girl with a crush’ feeling isn’t going anywhere soon.

“I guess I can live with that,” he sounds like he’s just finished running a marathon. God help him.

“Good. You’re going to have to, because I don’t have any intention of letting either of us go anywhere,” Todd graciously doesn’t point out that he could likely take Dirk in a fight if he really wanted out.

“Is that so?” he asks, watching with interest as Dirk takes his mug and sets it aside so he can climb into Todd’s lap, looping his arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry, did you have something more important to do?” his eyes are wide, head tilted into a picture of innocent curiosity, and Todd wishes he was wearing his tie so he could pull him in and kiss the look off of his stupid face. He can’t though, because he isn’t, so instead he lets his hands rest on Dirk’s sides, sliding them down to settle at his waist.

“I don’t know. The kitchen needs cleaning, you still haven’t done your paperwork so I’m going to have to do it at some point, we probably need to do some laundry,” he says it like he's seriously considering leaving the bed for any one of these reasons, but that doesn't keep the amusement out of his eyes.

“Oh I see,” he lowers his lashes, aiming for something more demure, “so paperwork is more important than paying attention to me?”

“I don’t know about that, but the guy I work with can be a bit of an asshole, and he never does his fair share so it kinda piles up and if I've got a day off…” Todd shrugs, and Dirk narrows his eyes.

“Well, in that case…” he leans in like he's going to kiss him, lips barely brushing before he's pulling back suddenly leaving Todd looking confused and a little betrayed. “I suppose I should let you get to it. Clearly this is very important to you, your boss sounds simply terrible.”

Todd raises an eyebrow and tightens his grip on Dirk’s hips as if to prevent him from going anywhere. “I don't remember saying he was my boss,” he looks stupidly pleased with himself and Dirk hates it.

“It's fairly obvious that he is though.”

Todd looks sceptical, tilting his head when he says, “Is it?”

Dirk doesn’t even give it a seconds thought. “Absolutely.”

“I don't think so.” Todd is trying not to smirk, he can see it in the curl of his mouth and if they weren’t in the middle of something very important Dirk would kiss it away.

“Well,” the look on Todd’s face is distracting, and it takes him a moment to find his argument. “If he's making you do paperwork and has the power to give you the day off then it stands to reason that he's your boss.”

“I think you're drawing ridiculous conclusions based off of limited evidence. Not great, for a detective,” Dirk’s eyes narrow, and he uses his extra height and position in Todd's lap to lean into his space and crowd him against the wall so he has to tilt his head back a little to see him properly. It’s a petty move, but it makes him feel better.

“I think you're just upset that you've ended up in a situation where you've found the one authority you don't want to rebel against. It's not in your nature.”

Todd’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “You think you're an authority?”

“Yes, Todd. I am the one in charge,” the disbelief in Todd’s voice makes him a little more snippy than he usually would be.

“Oh, no, okay, I get it,” his voice turns to the one he uses when he’s trying to explain what he thinks is a simple concept to a person who isn’t getting it at all. He doesn’t appreciate it. “You're confusing being the boss with being bossy,” Dirk pulls back looking scandalised.

“I am not-” he doesn't finish his sentence, huffing instead in the face of Todd's raised eyebrows, daring him to finish that sentence. “It's called knowing what you want,” he says, haughty and turning his nose up. Todd has to fight to keep the smile off his face, inching his thumbs up under Dirk’s worn out t-shirt and rubbing them against his skin.

“What do you want then?” Todd's voice is just a fraction lower but it's enough to pull Dirk’s interest, looking at him from the corner of his eye before foregoing a verbal answer in favour of cupping his jaw and pulling him into a kiss.

There's nothing of the softness of the morning in it, instead it's hot and wet and not far off being downright filthy in a way that has Todd letting out a surprised sound and digging his fingers in where he's still holding onto Dirk. It doesn't take him long to catch up though, using his grip to pull him in closer, curling his tongue in the particular way that will make Dirk inhale sharply against his mouth. If Dirk is going to play dirty Todd is more than willing to give as good as he gets.

It doesn’t stay that way though, settling into something softer, deeper, the kind of kiss that shudders through him and pools a happy kind of warmth into his stomach. The kind that makes him want to keep on doing this forever and ever and ever and never have to let go. It speaks to something deeper than desperation, something far more important than a simple press of bodies. It’s the kind of kiss you can only give if you really, really mean it, with far too much behind it to ever be considered casual.

Todd’s breath catches on an inhale when Dirk pulls away, blinking his eyes open blurrily like he’s seeing the morning for the first time all over again. He’s being watched right back, just as quiet, just as full of that something as Todd is. It’s ridiculous, really, the way his heart flutters in his chest when a smile creeps its way onto Dirk’s face, how he feels like he suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Dirk reaches up to cup his jaw and Todd feels the way it makes a blush spread over his cheeks. It’s worth it, for the way the sight makes Dirk duck his head to hide his smile.

God. He’s screwed.

“I think,” Dirk says after a moment, keeping his voice quiet. “What I’d really like to do is just…” he looks up through his lashes, and the shyness is genuine this time, “stay here with you.”

Todd’s stupid traitor heart skips a beat.

“C’mere,” his throat is far too dry to manage anything else, but he doesn’t need more. Dirk sighs happily, cuddling into him and resting his head on his shoulder. Todd wraps his arms around him enough to keep him close even though he knows he isn’t going anywhere.

“Do you believe in fate?” Dirk asks after a long moment, whisper soft where it’s pressed into his skin.

“I…” it’s a question he would have scoffed at before now, something he wouldn’t even have considered. Like this it’s far harder to dismiss the concept. Dirk saves him from having to answer.

“I’m connected to everything, you know? Well. Everything is connected to everything, and there’s a lot of everything, but…” he trails off, and for a minute Todd thinks he isn’t going to pick back up.

“I think… Or, it would be nice to think, with everything… that we were always tied together. That all of these connections, all of these things that I spent years trying to make add up just had to be that way, because if they weren’t… I never would have ended up here. With you. It… if that’s the case, if we’ve always been connected, always heading here then…” Todd finds himself holding his breath, heart racing in his chest while he waits for whatever it is that Dirk wants to say. “It makes it bearable. All of… that. Leading here makes it worth it.”

Todd can’t do anything for a moment except tighten his hold, turning his head so he can press his nose in against Dirk’s hair, eyes squeezed shut because he thinks he might cry, or maybe he already is. There are too many emotions welling up in him to name them all right now, too many things he can’t explain, things he’s never felt before and never wants to let go of, never wants to lose.

He never wants to lose Dirk.

“I don’t know if I believe in fate,” he tells him softly. “Or destiny, or anything like that but…” he’s going to have to force the words out, because he wants to say them, he’s just never been good at this. Feelings, talking about feelings, about anything that could get thrown back in his face is terrifying to him. Somehow with Dirk it feels less scary. “I believe… I believe in you. And I believe in this, in us.” He swallows, forces himself to keep going. “And I can’t tell you if it was worth it or not, because that’s your thing and you have to decide that, but if doing everything I did the way I did it is what got me here then… Even if parts are shitty, and there are so many things I’d want to change… I’d do it all again. Exactly the same.”

Dirk is silent, and it does nothing to ease Todd’s nerves. His hands feel clammy, throat closing up so even if he could think of anything more to say he couldn’t get it out. Like he’s waiting for something he’s said to be wrong. When Dirk speaks up it knocks all of the air out of him.

“Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

He says it so simply, like he doesn't have any idea how much he's just shaken Todd to his core. Like he doesn't know how quickly the guilt swells in his stomach, because that's not right at all.

“I'm not-” he reaches for the right words but he can't find them, struggling through the conflicting overwhelming feelings he's having right now. “Dirk. That's not- I'm not-”

“I know,” he cuts him off, smoothing his hand over Todd's shoulder, squeezing his hand at the back of his neck. “I'm not saying that you're an easy person to love, neither of us are, nobody is,” and he wants to argue that of course he is, that Dirk is obviously easy to love, but then he thinks about all the ways in which Dirk can be irritating, the ways he'll throw himself into something without thinking of the consequences, of all the times he seems like he's never going to just stay put for a second. Todd wouldn't change any of it, not the things that make him himself, but that doesn't mean it's always easy to deal with.

“I'm just saying that… I never have to think about it. I never have to question it, and you… you never make me wonder either. I don't have to… I love hearing you say it, but even if you never did I'd still know you love me and that's-” his sigh is soft, a little shaky but not enough to mean he's upset. Todd knows. “It's amazing, and it's easy. I'm always telling people that it's easier just to let the universe put them where they need to be, but I've never felt it before. And maybe for a long time I thought that I never would, that there wasn't a place for me anywhere, but it turns out there is and it's here, with you, like this.” Somewhere along the way his voice had turned to little more than a whisper, shoulders loosening as he relaxed against him. “The universe is… it's so quiet, Todd. Everything is so perfect, so balanced right now it's like…” he shakes his head and it's a motion Todd is familiar with in the rare moments Dirk talks about this. “All of creation, perfectly in tune,” he can hear the smile in his voice, the one that says he knows what he sounds like but there's no better way to put it. “I wish you could feel it. Not all of it, not the rest of the time, but when it's good. Like this.”

Todd's hands haven't stopped stroking their way up and down Dirk’s back since he started talking. He's a warm weight pressed to his front, heavy where he's wrapped himself around him, face pressed against Todd's neck and hair tickling his cheek. The room around them is quiet, sun climbing higher in the sky and bathing the room in a golden glow, clothes strewn across the floor and empty mugs on the side table where their phones lay untouched, unanswered. They have nowhere else to be right now but here. Todd wraps his arms around him a little tighter, closing his eyes to breathe him in.

“I can feel it,” he tells him, whispered into the space between them. He's not... Holistic, he doesn't have any of the connections that Dirk has, but he knows for a fact there's no other way to describe the way he feels right now. The way this feels. It's okay to put his feelings out there, he thinks, especially when there's only Dirk around to hear it. “Of course I can feel it.”

Dirk presses in a little closer, smiling happily to himself. “So, what is it telling you?” he asks, playful.

“What, the universe?” knowing that Dirk knows full well it doesn't tell him anything, he likes to humour him sometimes though.

Dirk hums in confirmation and Todd sighs, moving to run his fingers through his hair.

“That you're a dork,” he smiles, teasing for a moment before swallowing, feeling suddenly nervous. “That… there isn't anywhere else I need to be right now than with you.”

There’s a silence that makes Todd’s heart race, the way it always does when he says something he’s not that comfortable admitting to. It’s worth it when Dirk laces their fingers together, pressing a kiss to the back of Todd's hand.

“Good thing I'm not going anywhere then,” the tension in his chest unwinds and he wonders why he ever worried in the first place.

“You’d better not be,” he’s committed to this now, once they’d decided to waste the day together there was never any chance he’d be convinced to do anything else.

“Don’t worry,” Dirk pulls back just enough to smile at him, a smile Todd knows nobody else gets to see. “I’m exactly where I need to be.”

[oosteven-universe]

Nailbiter Returns #2

Nailbiter Returns #2 Image Comics 2020 Written by Joshua Williamson Illustrated by Mike Henderson Coloured by Adam Guzowski Lettered & Design by John J. Hill    Love is in the air, and it smells like MURDER! Alice, the daughter of the Nailbiter, comes face-to-face with a man that knows who kidnapped her mother. How much blood is she willing to shed to get answers?    Well I am enjoying the way that Joshua is writing this as there is so much going on here and it doesn’t feel cramped, crowded or confusing in the slightest.  I have honestly enjoyed watching Joshua grow over the years and becoming one today’s hottest storytellers.  There is something about this that has been elevated since the first arc in regards to the complexity of the story we’re seeing.  I mean the layering alone with how much there is to tell from so many different angles is awe inspiring.  There is a lot to see and experience here and it isn’t at all what you’ll expect to be seeing.    I love the way that this is being told.  How we see the story & plot development through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is being told exceptionally well.  I mean there are some great moments throughout this that rely on age old techniques which are more than effectively utilised throughout.  The character development that we see is amazing and how the characters act and react to the situations and circumstances they face reveals a lot about them.  The more we see, the more I want to see them and that’s just how we should want this to be.  The pacing is superb and as it takes us through the pages revealing the twists and turns along the way we see just how well everything works together in creating the books ebb & flow.  It also throws the spotlight on how twell the book is structured and wow.    I am thoroughly enjoying the surprises that are thrown at us along the way.  I like how Nick and his secrets are going to be his downfall from grace, and if they aren't well then they should be, and of course there’s Alice who’s daddy is infamous and whose mother well I guess we are going to learn about that.  So many things happening all at once and all seemingly on cue as if someone, somewhere is manipulating all these events to suit their own nefarious plans.  Though that’s just supposition because I honestly haven’t a clue.    I am a fan of and thoroughly enjoying the interiors here.  The linework is fabulous and the varying weights are utilised to their fullest.  There is a quirky look to the book that both makes it appear harmless as well really capturing the readers’ mind and imagination at the same time.  It is a style and it works phenomenally and honestly for whatever unquantifiable reason I love it.  I of course would like to see backgrounds utilised a heck of a lot more because I want to see the scene fleshed out further, give more depth perception and sense of scale.  Though the utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels shows a truly remarkable eye for storytelling.  The colour work that we see here is gorgeous!  I mean seeing the yellow lines in the sweater is beautiful work.  How we see the various hues and tones within the colours being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is rendered extremely well. ​    I am so glad that there is a second season of this and it picks up after the events and is essentially a new story all it’s own.  Yes you should read the first arc for sure but if you haven’t you can still read this and follow along in that new reader friendly kind of way.  If you want a good nail-biting thriller then hop on board it’s guaranteed to keep your eyes wide open!