#back in the day for the better part of a year i'd buy this every day for lunch lol

[jjjjisun]

My Playmate, My Sister (Part 2)

Hanni X Male Reader | 5666 words

TW: Incest

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Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

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My sister Hanni and I lay in each other's arms, Hanni's head nestled in the crook of my neck, allowing me to take in the sweet aroma of her hair. We had just encountered the most passionate sex either of us had ever had, and despite the fact we both wanted more of each other, neither of us had the energy to move. Instead, we drifted off into a satisfied slumber. Even though I had just experienced her in the most intimate way possible, my dreams were still filled with visions of my sister, and for good reason. She was the soon-to-be playboy playmate of the year and possibly the hottest woman in the universe: my Hanni. I imagined taking her in every position, in every place I could think of, immersed in her beautiful moans of ecstasy.

I knew I could tell nobody about this new direction in my life and the incredible luck I had stumbled upon, not that anyone would believe me anyway. It was all too much of a fairytale that a regular guy like me, though I like to think I'm handsome and charismatic, would ever find myself in the arms of a goddess like Hanni. She was the very image of perfection: smooth, with a toned form, soft, hand-filling breasts, flowing blond hair, and an angelic face. Though it had taken me to find her in the pages of a Playboy, I now couldn't imagine making love to a more ideal woman than Hanni.

"Girls like Hanni don't show me the time of day," I thought, "let alone my sister!"

Nonetheless, there she was as I awoke to an empty bed the following day and shuffled downstairs with sleep still in my eyes. She was a goddess, her silky blonde hair cascading around her gorgeous face. My eyes continued, taking in her petite frame, smooth and toned in all the right places. I watched her momentarily as she bounced around the kitchen; it was like I had court-side seats to one of the Playboy photo shoots I had found of her online only a week ago. She seemed so happy, with a beautiful smile and an energy in her step that made her glow; it was even better to know I had a part in her cheerfulness. As she bent over to reach one of the lower drawers, a flash went off in my mind, reminding me of a pose like one of the photos I had seen. Then she arched her back and reached her hands up, stretching out the morning stiffness, flash, a sexy pose only Hanni could do just right.

Flash again, and I wish I'd had a camera as Hanni reached up to a shelf just a bit too high for a coffee mug, the little yellow sundress riding high enough for me to see the pair of pink lace bottoms she was wearing. Hanni heard me behind her and knew she had been giving me a show, ensuring the cup she wanted was far enough back to prolong my view. As she finally grabbed the mug she wanted, I slid behind her, causing her to shiver just a little at my touch. I gently put my hands on her arms and simply stood there, taking her in.

"Good morning to you too, Y/N," Hanni said seductively.

"When you weren't there this morning, I thought I had dreamt it all up," I complained. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, and she leaned into me lovingly.

"I considered giving you a little wake-up call," Hanni said, placing her hand gently on my hardening cock over my boxers, "but I figured you might want to rest a bit more. I don't think I've ever been with a guy who lasted that long before."

I couldn't help myself. I slid my hands under the bottom of her dress, intensely moving them over her smooth skin until we came to cup her flawless breasts. Hanni continued massaging me through my shorts, and my cock grew into her palm in response. She reached up and scratched at the back of my head with her free hand. Showing off her yoga flexibility, Hanni turned and arched her back to bring her lips to mine, still facing forward with my hands kneading her luscious mounds.

The feeling of our hands upon each other was so gratifying for both of us that we pushed against each other, Hanni firmly planting her toned ass against my growing member. She stood up a bit on her toes and moved her little bit over my shaft. A few soft and playful bounces against me, and my body was begging for her. My hands continued their worship of her body, one focusing on her squeezable tits and another on her curved hips. I reached for her bottoms while still grasping one of her breasts, rolling her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. We dry-humped each other like that for probably three minutes, our desperation and haste getting the better of us.

Hanni needed me, and she writhed beneath my grasp, her hands prying me closer to her. Her heavy breaths forced themselves out as she tried to keep her tongue locked in a back-and-forth battle with mine. She purred soft moans at me, her hips rotating her lower half around my hardness. I could almost feel the heat of her sex against my boxers, and it snapped me back to reality. I had to be inside this gorgeous playmate now and as much as I could while this sexy little jackpot of luck was within my reach. My sister was the very definition of my lust and love and probably was of any guy she had come across since her first photos were snapped. I reached down between us, hooked my finger on her panties, and began to push her bottoms down, preparing to take her right then and there. We were both aching for it, holding our breath as the material slid down her silky when...

"Hello!" said our mother, opening the front door.

The mug Hanni had been holding dropped from her hand into the sink, shattering, as both Hanni and I scrambled to separate. I slid onto the stool at the island, and Hanni smoothed out her shirt just as my mother rounded the corner and gasped.

"Hanni!" both of us frantically looked around, thinking we had missed something that would give us away, "you didn't tell me you were going to be home!"

I sighed in relief as my mother moved to hug Hanni, and I shook my dad's hand as he followed his wife into the kitchen. I noticed that my father looked across the kitchen instead of at me as I asked about their vacation. His eyes were locked on his little girl, whom he had not seen in months, and I figured he was reacting to the sight before him just as I had when I had first seen Hanni days ago.

"Hanni, don't you think you should be a little more covered around your brother?" asked our father as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"Nice to see you too dad," Hanni said with a smile on her face, "besides, it's not like I was looking at me anyway, he's too focused on his food as always."

I immediately looked down into my cereal bowl and shrugged, hoping my dad wouldn't push the issue any further. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep my cool now that my mom and dad were back and our watchful eyes were upon us.

"I'm sorry, and it's good to see you too, Hanni, and I'm glad you're back," Dad rebounded. Just try to cover up a bit more, okay?"

"Sure Dad," Hanni drew out.

"Leave her alone, honey. She's a grown woman now," said our mom. "Speaking of which, Hanni, you have got to get me on whatever diet you are because you look great!"

As the women chatted, our dad told me that he had left his laptop charger at home and that they could only stay for two days on the boat trip they had planned; ten days was too long for a lawyer such as my father to be out of contact.

"So kids..." started Mom, "we still have the sailboat for eight more days, well seven now, and I think we should all head back to Florida today so we don't waste the money."

I could feel my luck turning from bad to worse. My morning had started with the prospect of fucking the most gorgeous blonde vixen I'd ever known, my sister, and a playboy playmate over the sink before I even ate breakfast, and who knows what the rest of the week could have held in store. I looked over at her. Even with the flowing dress, I could make out her sexy frame, and I couldn't believe I had just been cock-blocked by my parents. Hanni caught me looking at her and made eyes at me to answer my mother.

"I don't know, Mom," I said unenthusiastically. It's kind of short notice. Besides, how could we all fit on the boat, especially with your friends already there?"

"First of all," replied Mom, "I know for a fact you have nothing else to do. Second, this is not just any sailboat; it's built to comfortably fit six. Of course, you'll have to share a room with Hanni, but it's nothing you two haven't done before."

Hanni and I stole a glance, smirking at the double meaning, and we could both feel our luck turning. We knew we couldn't say no to our mother's request, and since Hanni didn't have any photo shoots with playboy scheduled for a few weeks, her tan could certainly use some work before then. (Her work with playboy was still unknown to Hanni's parents and she intended to keep it that way as long as possible.) We had nearly been caught fucking in the kitchen moments before and had planned to do so as often as possible before our parents returned home, but all was not yet lost.

Hours later, we were packed and headed to the airport once again. Hanni and I sat as close as possible in the backseat without looking inappropriate as the car bumbled along. Hanni had to fight off smiles and giggles as I gave her knowing looks, and we chatted with our parents. If we were alone, we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other, but in only a few hours, we would have the opportunity once again.

"I'm dying over here," I whispered to my sister as we both exited the vehicle.

"Me too, just a few hours and you can show me just how HARD it is for you." she whispered back and pretended to stumble as she exited the vehicle, pressing her little ass against my yearning cock.

As we made our way through the airport toward our gate, Hanni thought about how things had changed in the few nights since she had returned home. There had never been a shortage of guys begging for her attention, but how she and Y/N had come together had felt so... natural. He was just the kind of guy she was always looking for, caring and cute, but sturdy and down-to earth. All the guys she had met since college and now in her work with Playboy felt so fake to her. They were no different than the TSA officer who joked that she had been randomly selected for a pat down before eye-fucking her and waving her by. She nearly threw herself at me and wrapped her arm around mine when we were both through, she was so disgusted with everyone but me.

Our affection for each other became more manageable now that we had been forced to act appropriately for long enough. The flight to our connection in Nashville was uneventful save the not-so-jokingly references we both made toward joining the 'mile-high club.' We talked the entire flight, interesting and loving conversation that had brought us so close in the first place. Our parents looked across the aisle, happy to see our children getting along so well as Hanni slumbered on my shoulder for the last half-hour before landing.

Unfortunately, as most things usually do, not everything worked out so peachy in Nashville. Due to our short-notice seats, and though we had gotten lucky in Chicago on standby we would not be taking the afternoon flight to Jacksonville as planned. Even though our father could afford it, even the first class seats were sold out, so given the choice to stay the night and take the flight the next evening, we chose instead to rent a car and drive the rest of the way. Nobody was too happy about that, but once again we found themselves shooting down the freeway toward our destination in no time. Always opting for the more luxurious option, our dad had rented a large van with comfy captain's chairs and a large back row.

After we all stopped for dinner, our father announced that he would drive through the night and the rest of the family could sleep unless he needed a replacement. With the sky now completely dark and our mother keeping my father awake in the front seat, I moved toward the front, asking:

"Everything okay up here?"

"You bet. We've got our snacks, and this Cat Stevens special on the radio has put us in a great mood," Mom enthusiastically replied.

"Well, I haven't gotten much sleep from finals this past week so I think I may go pass out on the seat in the back," I said with grogginess in my voice.

"Hey!" fired Hanni, "I wanted that back seat, Y/N."

"You'll just have to share it then, it's plenty big for the two of you," Mom mediated.

I looked back, now realizing what my sister had intentionally done, and saw that naughty grin on her face she'd shown me multiple times since she'd been home. Our father turned the music down in the rear speakers and I made my way toward the back. Hanni quickly followed me, and as I laid down on the large backseat, Hanni took her place in front of me, sliding her sexy frame so that I spooned her ever so slightly.

Mom looked back at her two children; they seemed to be fidgeting a bit to get comfortable in the darkness of the backseat. She could just make out their forms but thought that the seat must have been smaller than she had previously judged.

"Y/N, why don't you be a gentleman? Take one of the blankets and lay on the floor so Hanni can sleep comfortably," she implored me.

"It's okay, Mom, he's a big oaf, but there's enough room for me," Hanni teased. "Oohmphf," she let out just as she was finishing her sentence.

"What's the matter honey," Mom asked upon hearing her daughter's funny noise.

"Nothing mom, just caught a bump back here," she lied.

Truthfully, as Hanni was teasing me to our mother, I had worked my hand to her breast and pinched her nipple solidly over the fabric of her cotton t-shirt. Hanni moistened at the contact and knew we had to be extra careful with our parents in the front. She reached behind her and took hold of my cock with her hand ever so slightly. She could feel me thrust my hips forward at her touch and she wished we were alone so we could both release the intense feelings of desire we had felt for the second time that day.

"You know, I actually wanted to get a little sleep," I said quietly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, you go ahead," Hanni replied, cutting off all contact and crossing her arms in front of her.

Too turned on by having my fuckable playmate sister curled up in front of me, sleep was now the last thing on my mind. Instead I began to tease my sister by tickling lightly at the backs her crossed arms, trying to break her from her feigned stubbornness. Hanni leaned away as I touched her, trying to sell her act further, but I was not discouraged. I moved my hands down her abdomen and slipped my fingers just under the waist of her athletic shorts. I moved them slowly around the waistband, massaging gently; it was becoming impossible for Hanni not to react. Then I began pushing the shorts down just below her hips, exposing the white cotton panties underneath and the wet patch they held over her sweet quim. As I moved my fingers toward it and felt the spot, I knew she wouldn't be able to hold out for long. I began to push one finger against the puffy lips over her panties.

"Still going to hold out on me?" I challenged her quietly.

"You're the one who wanted the sleep," Hanni said, holding her ground.

But truthfully, Hanni couldn't take it anymore. Y/N was too good; it was as he I knew all her sweet spots as well as she did. She began to gyrate her hips back against me and we were once again spooning firmly against each other. If felt so good to have Hanni back in my arms, and having her mouth-watering cheeks split over my fully hard cock didn't feel so bad either.

Rather than let me continue, Hanni sat up quickly and quietly and reversed her position. Her face was now rather close to my cock, and she wasted no time. She grabbed at my waistband and pushed it down over my cock. I could feel her warm breath on my shaft and nearly shouted as she grabbed a hold of my member and took the tip into her mouth. Not to be outdone, I pushed her shorts and panties down her legs in one move and grabbed her hips in both hands. Simultaneously, we then began to pleasure the other.

I darted my tongue out over Hanni's clit, licking first in broad stokes and then quickly over her little nub. Hanni held back a scream, and may not have if she had not been inching my cock into her mouth at the time. After she worked it in and out about half-way a few times, Hanni sucked gently at my tip and flicked her tongue out over the slit. I was in heaven - and I too began to breathe heavily. Using my fingers while continuing my attack of her clit with my tongue, I reached up and worked a finger inside of her tight little hole. She began bucking at my touch and felt as if she could hardly concentrate on the blow job she so wanted me to enjoy. I continued to lap at her cunny, and Hanni started moving involuntarily; I could feel how strong her core was as her hips bucked in my hands. I sucked her clit into my mouth and pulsed around it as Hanni neared her orgasm, her pussy now getting wetter with each passing second.

Hanni, too, was getting the desired effect out of her efforts; I could barely keep up licking at her with my tongue in between heavy breaths as Hanni's head bobbed over my stiff cock. I had pulled her on top of me by now and placed a blanket over our bodies. The captain's chairs hid our heads from view, but if our parents had flipped the lights on, we would easily be found out. Not to mention that Hanni let out the occasional squeal that was just quiet enough to be drowned out by the radio. I was glad of it because I loved the sweet sounds that Hanni made, letting me know I was doing a good job on her.

"Hanni... Hanni... I'm almost there," I alerted her.

I expected her to release me as I continued stimulating her with my fingers and tongue, but Hanni had no such plans. Seconds away from release, she could feel me unintentionally thrusting toward her, and she took me in as far as I could go, massaging my soft sack with her nimble fingers. Once, twice, a third time,e she slid her luscious lips almost entirely up and down over the length of my cock. On the third, she held me there, and I began to pump my semen into her mouth. I was in heaven, breathing out heavily onto her wet pussy as I shot rope after rope into her throat. Never before had a blowjob made me orgasm so hard. I shuddered as Hanni pressed her lips over my sensitive tip, swallowing and erasing all traces of my release.

But Hanni had been close just before I came, so as she proudly kissed the tip of my member, I picked right back up where I had left off. Hanni was back in no time to her panting and twisting about as I grasped firmly at the soft skin of her ass and began to sink my tongue into her soaked canal. She tasted so sweet, and I held her tight as she involuntarily fought my hold on her because the pleasure was so intense. She was dripping now and had to bury her head in the seat to hide her moans from our parents. I began to fear that they might turn around, but ignored the thought as I sent my sister over the edge. She arched her back, pressing against me as I continued plunging my large tongue in and out of her, making sure to connect with her clit every time. Hanni came hard, and as her eyes rolled backward and her vision went stark white, she was immersed in a warm bath of ecstasy. It flowed over her body forever, and when she finally came to, she had to push my head away from her drenched pussy; even my breath was too much for the sensitivity I had caused her.

She returned to the spooning position, and we lay there with each other. Two lovers lay in a post-orgasmic bliss, unfathomably satisfied and proud.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to let you go, Hanni," I spoke to her softly.

"You don't have to," she whispered back. "Besides, I don't know where you learned it, but I've never cum like that from oral in my life, and I'm not about to give that up."

We held each other close, our unknowing parents sitting only a few feet away. Hanni's backside felt so good against my front that I still couldn't imagine sleeping despite the release we had both shared minutes before. Hanni's shorts and panties were still bunched just below her knees, so when my cock started to stir again, it pressed right between the gap between her legs. She was wet as ever, and my shaft slid slowly along her slit as it filled along with my desires.

"No way," Hanni protested, "it's too risky."

But as she resisted me verbally, her body sang another tune. With my hands exploring and massaging the tips of my fingers coming into contact with the sides of her breasts, Hanni once again began to writhe under My attention. I grasped at her body, hands firmly over 32C tits, her perfect, erect nipples poking into my palms. She could distinguish the tip of my cock from my shaft as we both began to gyrate against each other, Hanni still resisting penetration. It was almost animalistic; our bodies moved independently, and we needed each other just as much as we had the first time, only the night before. At some point, Hanni's worries about being discovered by our parents began to dissolve; she could only think of getting Y/N inside her. I hadn't even thought about our parents since I had first had my cock in the playmate's mouth minutes earlier, and I wasn't about to start now. Just as we thrust a final time and pulled away from each other, Hanni reached down between us and pointed my rod at her opening once more. I pushed past her slick folds and into her drenched tunnel, feeling like I belonged nowhere else as her walls clamped down on me.

"Do you two want to stop for something to eat or drink before you fall asleep?" Both the children froze as our mother looked back at them.

With my hard cock now fully inside of her, Hanni could barely think, let alone respond to her mother. It was all the two of us could do just to stop from continuing our incestuous activity without even responding. Hanni's bald pussy pulsed in anticipation, gushing around the invading member and ready for it to begin thrusting in and out of her. With much effort, Hanni managed, "I think I'd rather... oohhh... full at the moment, Mom." I could hear the ecstasy she was feeling in her voice and was now afraid our mother might too, but I gave her a daring little thrust mid-sentence anyway.

Hanni turned her head and looked at me wide-eyed, shocked that I would carelessly jeopardize our secrecy by fucking her as she spoke to our mother. Her big green eyes staring into my only made me want her more, and I pulled slowly out of her and pushed back in again, watching her mouth open, and pupils dilate in response. I couldn't even stop my slow assault on Hanni as she addressed me,

"You too Y/N," my father, Dad asked, "are you too comfortable back there to stop?"

"Yeah, pop, you don't know how good it feels..." I thrust into her again, "being able to get some..." another thrust, "rest finally."

"Alright then, we will see you in the AM," said my father.

Hanni and I were already miles away when our mother turned out the final light in the front, and the only lights came from the dashboard and headlights. We were the only ones on the road, and Hanni and I were in complete darkness. I resumed sliding my cock in and out of my big sister, the heat and feeling of having her tunnel wrapped around me excruciatingly pleasurable. She moved just right, and I relished the feeling of my hands upon her, feeling her strong, sexy body moving in front of me. I kissed her neck and sucked at it, her skin tasted sweet, and I wasn't even surprised. I pulled my cock out of her and held the tip right against her opening. I then prodded slowly at her, pushing into her pussy less than an inch each time. Hanni made a frustrated moan and reached down between us.

"God damn you....uhhh," she let out as I pushed into her just a bit, "just fuck me.... put it in.... fuck......ohh...... you asshole."

I loved what I was doing to her. Her need for me was genuine, and I enjoyed teasing her like this. One more prod and Hanni's patience was gone. She reached down and took a firm grasp of my cock, and pulled it towards her. Her hand wrapped around me felt so good that I lost track of my intentions and started to oblige her. The feeling of being halfway inside my sister and her hand holding onto my other half was like no other feeling in the world. In one last effort, I stopped and held there, grinning.

"If you don't fuck me.....oh god..... right now," Hanni demanded, "I'm going to straddle you.... and ride you right in front of mom and dad."

Happy with the results of my teasing, I gave in to Hanni and thrust the rest of my cock inside her velvety tunnel. I moved slowly at first and began to pick up speed, but Hanni was now panting for her approval. After a minute or so of jamming my pelvis against her soft, grab-able ass, I was now pounding into my sister with passion, and Hanni rotated her hips in earnest to get more of me inside of her. She felt like she had never been filled quite this perfectly and grasped onto my hands, interlocking our fingers as if to tell me.

Now free to move about, the little gymnast in Hanni maneuvered so I lay under her, and she rested atop me, weighing down against my chest as we remained locked together at the hips. I could only make out a little bit of the playmate's body, so I again began to paw at her with my hands. She loved the feeling of my big, strong fingers probing at her, rubbing every inch of her body and squeezing her breasts and ass lightly. Hanni lifted her tiny hips and then sank back down hard on my engorged member. Her mound mashed against me as she did so, and she rotated around a bit upon each meeting to stimulate herself further.

"Y/N... Y/N..." Hanni whispered in my ear with lust thick in her voice.

Her panting into my neck drove me crazy, even more so when she flicked her little tongue over my neck and earlobe. I took hold of her pistoning hips and added to her up-and-down plunging motion by pushing up to meet her. Our lips eventually found each other, and Hanni rubbed a hand through my hair as we explored each other's mouths. Hanni's tongue wrestled mine intensely, mimicking the rhythmic movement of our bodies.

Hanni could feel her orgasm approaching, and she knew it would be a powerful one. The little blonde playmate thought of how taboo it was that she was fucking her little brother and so dangerously close to our parents at that. The thought only served to bring her closer to climax, and Hanni continued to slide up and down on her brother's pole in search of it. She whimpered into my mouth and then released my lips slightly, breathing into them. The soft blows of her breath were stimulating and sensual; I was now close to cumming as well.

"I'm close, Hanni," I warned her.

"Oh my God, me too," my sister managed between thrusts. "Come inside me, please, Y/N... uhhh... come inside."

Her begging brought me so close to release that I held on for dear life so my sister could have time to climax. I didn't have to wait long, three more full strokes into her moist channel, and she was clawing at my back as she began to cum. My body tensed, and Hanni sat down hard on me, impaled and writhing on my cock. Then it hit: my sister and I began to orgasm in unison, clutching each other tight. Jet after jet, I pumped into her, and Hanni bit down on my muscular shoulder to hold back her screams. She could feel herself being filled with my cum, and her pussy only clamped down harder on me to experience it. As I released a torrent inside my sister, I was in absolute bliss, cumming so hard that I pushed into more strongly, seeking further depths in which to spray my incestuous seed. She was mine, and if I was going to mark my territory, I wanted to bury my cum as deep inside her unbelievably tight pussy as I possibly could. Hanni embraced it and shifted to allow me deeper, bucking in time with her heartbeat on my cock. She milked every single drop out of me as waves of ecstasy washed over her. Hanni's soft cries of passion were so sexy I felt like I was once again in a dream. My sister, the playmate of the year, was still climaxing atop me, holding my rod firmly inside of her as she came. I had her until she shuddered for the last time, my cock still too sensitive to move. Hanni relished the feeling of still being filled, and she lay limp atop me, taking deep breaths to recover.

It made me smile to think of how careless we were when making love, casting aside all cares in search of each other. Hanni's tight t-shirt was bunched over her beautiful breasts, and her bottoms had fallen to the ground. She was disheveled as we got up, and we both basked in our post-orgasmic amazement. Suddenly, a light flashed in the cabin, and our mother grabbed water from the package in the middle row. Hanni's shorts and panties were visible on the ground from her seat, and her naked children were a foot away from them. Were it not for the blanket, she would have been able to see my mostly-erect cock still buried inside Hanni, her daughter, fluids from our lovemaking escaping between us. Furthermore, seeing Hanni lying directly atop me would have taken minimal effort. We held our breath and begged that our mother wouldn't discover the hot, incestuous romp that had occurred right behind her.

Sure enough, Mom's eyes moved quickly over the cast-aside bottoms, her brain not making the connection. As she shut off the light, both of her children sighed in relief.

"That was close," I sighed. Hanni only giggled in response.

With that, I teased Hanni with one more little thrust and then slid my softening dick out of her. Hanni grinned naughtily at the action and kissed me firmly. Our tongues played lethargically for a moment before I rolled Hanni off of me. We hugged each other close, my package pressing tenderly against her folds and Hanni's soft breasts against my chest. Making eye contact, we examined each other in satisfied states before drifting off to sleep. We still had days of sharing a room ahead of us, but for now, fucking each other in the backseat of a car driven by our parents seemed enough for a lifetime, or at least until we woke up the following day.

[rosenclaws]

Would You Fall In Love with Me Again || Worst!Logan x Reader

Would you fall in love with me again If you knew all I've done? The things I cannot change Would you love me all the same? I know that you've been waiting, waiting for love

warnings: angsty af, happy ending, sad logan.

wc: 1.5k

alternate version

a/n: I heard this song and immediately pictured Logan so this fic was cooked up! I hope y'all like it <3 I'd recommend listening to the song while reading or before or after! Its a great musical btw

Logan holds the small piece of paper in his hands. It's been crumpled and flattened countless times. He turns it over in his hands, the faded black in is just bright enough to read. He glances down at it again. Written on it is an address. Laura's words playing over and over in his head.

Find her. She would want to see you.

Would you? Would you want to see him? He's not the same man that you knew. He's not your man. He's not the hero you remember. He's just a broken, tired, old man. He's a coward.

Laura gave him your address shortly after he came to his world. But he never went. He was afraid. This tiny slip of paper would keep him up at night. If the nightmares didn't get to him first than this stupid, little paper did. He debated on throwing it away.

You didn't need him. You were better off without him. But was he? You were his better half. Always had been. Just one look, a meeting. Closure. So he set off to find you one last time.

Each foot step weighs heavy as he marches to your front door. A small cabin tucked away from the the busy town only a few miles away. This is his handiwork. Logan always promised you that he'd build you a house one day, when you two were done with all the X-Men bullshit.

He had already written out the plans back before...before he lost you. Initials are carved into one of the wood boards. His fingers running over the letters, tracing them as his mind floods with memories of you.

He raises his fist and knocks at your door. His ears straining to hear you move behind the wooden door. Though if you didn't answer he couldn't blame you. He's the ghost of the man you once loved standing on your doorstep. He waits and waits and nothing.

His shoulders sag in defeat. What was he thinking? This was stupid. He takes the paper and crumbles it up in his hands, throwing it as far as he could into the woods.

"Pretty sure that's littering." He freezes at the sound of your voice. He knows it's you. He doesn't need to see your face, this voice had been haunting his nightmares for years.

"Logan?" He nearly falls to his knees. His name sounds so sweet coming from your lips. He hasn't heard it in so long. Ever so slowly he turns around, a part of him afraid this is another dream.

"Is it really you?" You're holding a grocery bag, dressed up for the cold weather. He's frozen as you walk up to him. Your eyes shine with tears as your hand reaches out for him.

"Please tell me its you." Your hand cups his face.

Thumb lightly brushing over his face. He looks different. He looks tired. So much pain behind those gorgeous eyes. He melts into your touch. He clenches his fists at his side as he leans his head into your hand.

"My love, how I've missed you." Logan opens his eyes to see the wedding band sitting on your finger. He never got the chance to give that to you.

"Sweetheart...I'm not the same man." He wishes he was. God he wishes he could sweep you up in his arms. Runaway and live in this cabin for all eternity. You smile softly. Your hand leaves his face and he visibly sinks.

"Come inside yeah?" Without thinking he takes the grocery bag out of your hands and follows you inside. There's not much inside.

"Laura told me about you, she sent letters when she came back." You explain as you reach into the fridge and pull out a beer, his favorite.

"I buy a new pack every week, in case you ever showed up." You smile when you talk but Logan can only focus on the bottle in front of him. The guilt eating him alive.

"I'm so sorry." He chokes out.

"For what?" You ask. He looks at you in disbelief, how could you be so forgiving, so welcoming.

"I'm not your husband. I-I'm not the man you fell in love with." He places the beer on the counter. If he closes his eyes he can picture you and him in this little cabin. Be the family you both always wanted. But he's not yours.

"I know you aren't. I'm not a fool Logan. But..." He's not your husband, he's different. He's not a replacement for the man you once loved but your love for Logan was stronger than anything you've ever felt.

"Would you fall in love with me again? You don't know what I've done. I'm not worthy of the love you gave to him." A tear slips down Logan's face.

He sinks to the ground, on his knees. Silently begging to be loved by you once again. The shame of his past chains him to the ground, he can't even look at you.

"What did you do my love?" You cup his face and tilt his head up.

"I lost you, I lost everyone. I can still smell your blood, I can still hear your voice calling to me. But I walked away." He grabs onto your wrists and holds onto them desperately.

"I walked away from you." You wipe away a tear that falls down his cheeks. His normally stoic face crumbles into a mess of despair and loneliness.

"I needed to numb myself. I started drinking, I started killing. I left a trail of blood in my wake." He expects you to cower away from him. To be disgusted with what he's done.

"Once I started, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I was so angry, so buried in my grief that the only thing I could feel was rage." The grip on your wrists is firm and tight. Not to the point of pain but he's locked around your hands. Please don't leave him again, please.

"Forgive me." You drop his face and it hangs low, ashamed of what he's revealed to you. You've been waiting for him, all this time only to come and disappoint you.

"If you think that's true, that you're not the same man I feel in love with. Then leave."

"W-What?" He's taken aback.

"You want me to leave?"

"I don't want you to leave but you keep saying you're not the same man. So if you truly believe that, than leave." Logan is stunned to silence.

"No." He says without thinking. He's spent every night missing you, thinking of you. You're here in front of him, it's not the same you but he still loves you. He will always love you.

"I can't leave you, I just found you again I...I won't." He stands up and takes your hand.

"This wedding band, I bought it after out first date. I knew, that I was in love with you but I was so scared to lose you." Tears fall down your face as he presses your hand against his face.

"I ended up losing you anyways."

"He told me that story when he proposed." You say softly. He may be from another universe but he will always be the love of your life.

"You asked if I'd fall for you again, how could I not?" He presses his forehead to yours, noses knocking together as you get to take in the man before you.

"I will always love you. I don't care how you got here, where you're from or what you've done. " You close your eyes as Logan wraps you up in his arms. Holding you close as he whispers apologies.

"No matter how long its been, you're mine." You kiss Logan fiercely, tasting the man who you've longed to hold in your arms again.

He's equally as desperate to feel you. His hands squeezing your sides gently as he walks you back until you hit the wall. Your hands run through his hair, the feeling of your wedding band in his hair only eggs him on.

Silently he thanks the universe for bringing him to you, for your forgiving, loving nature. He would have begged on his knees for a chance like this. He growls when you tug on his hair. His hand slipping up your shirt just to feel your skin. When you finally part he refuses to stay too far.

"Tell me Logan, how long as it been." Your heart aches to think of the pain he's been through. The life he's had to live without anyone to calm his self loathing thoughts.

"I can't even remember." He sounds so tired as he buries his face in your neck.

"It's okay, I'm here now."

"I love you." He whispers, a sense of relief washing over him as he utters the words he thought he'd never get to say again.

You had been waiting for him to come home and you would have waited until the day you too your last breath. He's worth it, all that waiting was worth it for you to call Logan yours.

"I love you too Logan, forever."

[taeyongdoyoung]

t-t-teach me

summary: college life sucks. but at least you get to study with the hottest guy on campus... pairing: soobin x reader genre: college au, slight angst, smut, colleagues to study buddies to lovers warnings: academic setting, studying, mild allusions to anxiety/insecurities, reader is older than soobin, kissing, praise kink, size kink, handjob, fingering, lots of touching, protected sex (gasp), manipulation if you squint but it's all consensual, some lyrics references as usual author's note: someone on social media commented that soobin's "t-t-teach me" part in love language lowkey sounds like "t-t-touch me" and i couldn't get it out of my head so here we are... word count: 2.2k

Your college life is pretty boring. Study, eat, study some more, eat again, sleep, repeat. So, when your most handsome colleague (in your humble opinion) asks you to help him study for the upcoming exams, you are tempted to agree.

"Pleaseee, Y/N," Soobin begs so cutely. The way his glasses are slightly tilted doesn't help your case. "I can even pay you!"

"I don't want your money, Soobin," you shake your head, determined to play with him a little longer. After all, it is not every day that such a hot guy acknowledges your existence.

"What do you want, then? I'd do anything, I really need to pass, my whole future depends on it."

"Well, shouldn't you have studied throughout the year?" you tease him. "Instead of, I don't know, partying or whatever it is you and your squad do."

"I don't even go to parties. I'm just in my dorm playing games all the time."

"Case in point," you tsk, pretending to be disappointed.

"Okay, I realize I should have taken the courses more seriously, but can you please consider it?"

"What's in it for me?"

"I told you already, the sky is the limit. Just t-t-teach me the material," he stammers sweetly. "When the professors do it, I literally can't focus and understand anything."

"You do realize this isn't an easy task, right? We have less than a month until finals. Even if I do help you study…I can't promise you'll pass."

"Where's your confidence, teacher?" Soobin pouts.

"I haven't agreed yet!"

"Oh, but you just did," Soobin is too adorable to say 'no' to.

So, this is how it starts. Every day, after your lectures end, you go to Soobin's dorm to study. You use every method that has been helpful for you throughout the years. Highlights, flashcards, quizzes, you try everything and anything in order to help Soobin understand the material. At the end of each week you prepare a short test that is meant to aid Soobin in revising the most important information. The first week, his results are disastrous. You honestly don't see any hope but you promised him you'd try your best so you keep modifying the material in order to improve his understanding. The second week, his results are still below average, but slightly better. By the third week, he has definitely reached the expected pass level.

"My God, Soobin, this is amazing progress!" you praise him honestly.

"Really? You think I'd be able to pass?" he asks, still worried about the upcoming exams.

"If you keep up the great work, you surely will," you are confident that he'll make it. "We have one more week until the first exam, I'm sure we'll manage to cover some more ground and revise the essentials."

"Yeah, I think there's still enough time to stick to the plan you made," Soobin nods thoughtfully.

"Here's an idea that might be motivational. If you pass all your exams, I'll reward you."

"Reward me how?" Soobin eyes you curiously.

"However you like."

"What about me paying you back?" Soobin reminds you of the original deal.

"You can just buy me dinner at that sushi place near the university," you suggest simply.

"Sounds good. I'll do my best to pass."

"I know you can do it!" at this point, you genuinely believe in him and are amazed to see how much he's improved.

The exam period starts sooner than you'd like and you now have less time for your study sessions with Soobin, prioritizing individual preparation instead. Honestly, you kind of miss seeing his pretty face every day and explaining things to him. Talking about the material out loud has been helpful for you, as well. The final exams pass by in a flash and now you only have to wait one more week for the results to come out.

"How do you think you did?" you ask Soobin on the phone.

"Ugh, don't ask," he complains. "Even though I felt like we covered all the material, having to explain it in my own words and provide examples was so draining. I have no idea how I did but don't get your hopes up."

"I see," you reply with a sigh.

"I'm not gonna ask how you did, because I'm pretty sure you nailed them," Soobin shuts down any possibility of boasting before it even started.

"Hey, the exams were pretty difficult for me, too," you mumble shyly.

"Yeah, yeah, talk to me again when you flaunt those 100 points."

"Just because I tend to get high results most of the time, doesn't mean I don't struggle," you express your feelings a little harsher than intended.

Soobin is stunned into silence.

"Sorry, that was insensitive of me to say. I guess I never realized how much effort you put into studying."

"It's okay, I'm used to being misunderstood," you answer sheepishly.

"Just because you're used to it, doesn't make it okay. Get some rest. You sure deserve it."

"You too, Soobin."

And with that, the phone call ends. Tensions run high as you anxiously check your email once every two hours for results. You probably care more about this than you should. Only this time your own results are not the only thing on your mind. You really want Soobin to be satisfied with the work he's done. Because you feel like you poured more energy into helping him and you would really hate to see him fail. Not only because you'd feel responsible for it, but because you genuinely like him and want to see him happy.

After what feels like forever, the results are out. Of course, you can only see your own due to privacy reasons. But you know Soobin has also received the same email as every other student. It is only the content that varies. You quickly check your stats and though you didn't get a 100 points everywhere, as Soobin jokingly suggested, you are still pretty proud of yourself. You eagerly grab your phone, meaning to call Soobin when you stop yourself in the last second.

What if he didn't pass all the exams? What if he doesn't want to talk about it? So, instead, you wait until he contacts you first. Luckily, you don't wait long.

"Come over" is the simple message he sends you.

You put on a jacket and practically sprint to his dorm. Is he okay? Is he inviting you over to celebrate or to drink his sorrows away? Your mind races and so do your legs as you near his room. A hesitant knock on his door. A quiet "It's open".

You cautiously enter and study Soobin's expressions in an attempt to read the room. He doesn't look depressed but he doesn't look ecstatic either. What's going on? You just need to know, the uncertainty is killing you.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" Soobin asks you coldly.

"Uh…good news?" you mumble, feeling more nervous about whatever he has to say than about your own results.

"Good news is I passed all my exams. I got between 60 and 75 points on most of them."

"That's…incredible! Congratulations, Soobin!" you exclaim proudly. "I'm really happy for you! Wait…what are the bad news, then?"

"The bad news is…you promised me a reward," he whispers darkly.

"Why is that bad news?" you are utterly confused, as you sit down on the couch next to him. "You deserve to be rewarded, you worked so hard to accomplish this."

"That's true, but…I'm not sure you'll like the way I want to be rewarded."

"Anything is okay," you vow, not knowing what's in store for you. "I'll keep my word."

"Oh, I know you will," Soobin smirks and crashes his lips against yours, shocking you completely. Is this really happening? Did you just…both pass all your exams and are now kissing with the hottest guy in your university to celebrate?

"T-t-touch me," he begs so prettily who are you to reject him?

"Where do you want me to touch you?" you easily agree.

He grabs your hand and slides it under his shirt so that you are now caressing his abs. Fuck, his skin is so smooth and hard.

"You're so pretty," you mutter what you've been thinking every time you see him.

"I try to look my best for you," Soobin admits.

"Shut up," you shake your head in disbelief.

"Yes, teacher," he teases you.

"Don't call me that," you groan.

"What would you prefer? Ma'am?"

"Ugh, no, that makes me feel old," your eyes roll.

"Well, you are older than me. How about noona?" Soobin blinks cutely.

"Oh my God, do you ever shut up?"

"Touch me somewhere else," he doesn't ask this time, he demands. You don't even have the time to ask where he'd like to be touched before he's grabbed your wrist again and moves it right on top of his clothed cock. You're seriously gonna die. You're gonna die right in this moment and you won't even go to that cute sushi place. "Take my jeans off."

Your hands are shaking but you do your best to follow Soobin's orders. All your academic knowledge is completely useless in this moment. What you lack in practice, you try to make up for with enthusiasm. Stroking his length and licking him softly seem to do the trick and Soobin grows harder under your touch.

"Why are you so pretty?" you can't help but marvel.

"It's both a blessing and a curse," Soobin grunts loudly. "Wait, stop."

You immediately halt your movements, letting go of his cock.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?" you ask nervously, almost getting teary-eyed at the thought.

"What? No, you're doing amazing, I just…didn't want to come yet."

"Oh, I see," you reply, even though you can't see shit. "When do you want to come?"

"Wrong question, teacher," Soobin disregards your preference for not being called that. But in this moment, you no longer care. "Replace the wh-word with another wh-word."

"Hmm," you ponder out loud. "Where do you want to come?"

"Inside you. If you'd let me."

"Erm, I'm not sure…" you try to find a polite say that you are not really interested in getting pregnant at this point of your life.

"Relax, I've got condoms," Soobin laughs at you gently. "We can save the risky activities for after graduation."

He's already thinking that far into the future?

Soobin touches your folds gently, trying to ease your worries.

"Does it feel good?"

"So good, Soobin," you confess.

"Yeah?" he smirks proudly, as his long finger stretches you open. "Bet I can teach you a thing or two myself."

"I believe you," you sigh wistfully, as you near your high.

While Soobin puts on protection, you try to think of a logical solution as to how this will work. Honestly, you are too wet to care but his enormous size is still intimidating. Your brain seems incapable of coming up with a formula, so you give up entirely. Thinking only makes it worse.

When he slides inside of you, the feeling is so overwhelming you need something to keep you from falling apart.

"Talk to me," you beg.

"What do you want me to talk about?" Soobin asks.

"Anything."

"Linguistics is the scientific study of language. The areas of linguistic analysis are syntax, morphology, phonetics and-"

"Oh my God, really?" you scoff in disbelief. "Exams are over, let's put that behind us."

"What's your love language?" Soobin wants to know.

"Probably words of affirmation. What's yours?"

"Same. Quality time, as well," he responds.

"Oh yeah, definitely," you agree.

"You're taking me so well," Soobin immediately puts the newfound knowledge to use.

"You're fucking me so well," you whisper sincerely.

And this is all it takes for you two burst in each other's arms, experiencing pleasure like never before.

Once you've dutifully helped clean each other up and are cozied up underneath the sheets, the time for a more serious conversation arrives.

"I don't wanna lose this," Soobin gestures in the air between the two of you.

"We can keep studying together," you reply dumbly.

"That's not what I meant," Soobin chuckles. "Wanna spend time with you. We don't have to be studying, we can watch movies and I can teach you how to play games and…other stuff."

"I like the sound of that," you smile warmly.

"Actually, I have a confession to make," Soobin blurts out.

"Oh?"

"Deep down, I knew I'd pass the exams somehow," Soobin whispers. "I just couldn't be bothered to study. Needed an excuse to get close to you."

You can't even be mad at him.

"I have a confession, as well," you say in return. "I agreed to help you because I wanted to know more about you. I could tell you're smart."

"Is it the glasses?" Soobin pouts adorably, tilting his head to the side.

"Nah, you just give off that…sexy nerdy vibe. Glasses or no glasses."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. From one nerd to another."

"I can live with that," Soobin flicks your nose playfully.

"You still owe me sushi, by the way. For helping you study."

"Oh, teacher. Sushi is not the only thing you'll be eating tonight."

The End

[gor3sigil]

Trans drag performers deserve better.

Okay so since y'all seem interested, here we go.

[This is about MY experience as a “former” transmasc drag king, in my local scene. This isn't representative of the drag scene as a whole because drag is a wide, huge scene with pretty much any type of people in it. I have never done paid gig. I only performed a couple of times before deciding to stop.]

I discovered drag with RuPaul like a lot of people, and for a long time, I only knew about drag queens. It’s when I learned about an initiation to drag king happening in my town that I decided to try it. I did a bit of research before the event took place and that's how I learned that drag king is widely undocumented, compared to drag queen. A bit disheartening but I was excited to do something new and especially to get back in my local queer community after 2 years or so of “no contact” with it because trauma (see my post about my first T4T relationship to understand why).

First surprise when I got there, I was the only transmasc present as an attendee. The organiser and person who teached us is agender and go by he/him, and his at the time SO is a transmasc enby but appart from them, I was the only trans person. Most of the others were cis lesbian women. Makes sense. The initiation weekend went really well and we ended up performing in an open scene at the end. I can't count the amount of times I got misgendered by other kings during this weekend and I have to say, it pissed me off so fucking bad because I was the only one getting consistantly misgendered. But I brushed it off and had a blast.

My drag persona is more of a dragula king, really goth, and I did a lipsync performance on a Black Dresses song. I loved it and had a blast. A year or so later, we decided with other drag kings to do a little group to perform together.

Once again, I'm the only trans person.

And that's when the shitshow kinda happened. From all the drag kings present, I was also the only one who wasn't already part of a collective. So the group we had was composed of people from 2 collectives who would basically cheer each other out at every show, and it's great !! But I wasn't being integrated into the group, and I felt defeated. One of the main reasons why I didn't go to drag shows was because I was FLAT BROKE. I couldn't attend these events as they were always or in a bar so you have to at least buy a drink, or had a fee, and I couldn't afford that.

We started doing rehearsals and I set up a discord server for us all to use and organize the said rehearsals. It soon became apparent that they weren't really serious about this group, that they were more involved in their own collectives and it was HELL to have at least one rehearsal a month. But we had a show scheduled for september, and half of the kings weren't ready, didn't know their texts nor songs. I knew it was going to be bad. Also we were confirmed that the gig was going to actually happen 3 days only before, because the people who said they were going to do the visuals NEVER DID and we had to fumble something quick so the event was promoted very fucking late and we weren't sure we could even afford to do it, because not many tickets were sold.

During the rehearsals I got singled out for everything. My voice was dropping because of the T (I had started 8 months prior) and I tried to do my best with the singing parts but got told a few times that my low voice would sound “weird” amongst the sopranos. Also, one of the solo part a king was going to perform was on a very upbeat music and he said we could join IF WE WANTED.

I said I'd pass since it wasn't my style at all.

And when we got to the venue, the venue didn't have any backstage and I had my solo part just after that, so I couldn't just stand there on stage and do nothing. The others in my group KNEW IT as they had performed in this venue BEFORE but just told me “oh, too bad, improvise something” when they were the same ones who told me that taking part in the number was not mandatory.

Regarding the other artists, man, I hated everything. I got misgendered constantly IN KING LIKE - I'M A DRAG KING FFS. Even by others in my group.

When I corrected another performer, a cis gay dude, he laughed at my FACE and told me “but you're trans aren't you like, against gender or something ?”. As I was pre op and still early in my transition I was basically outing myself everytime I told my pronouns and I got so many cis performers ask me invasive questions about my sex life, or being like “yeah I have a trans friend who goes by X but I knew them as Y so it's Y to me but it's not in a disrespectful way you see”.

So yeah, I didn't have a great night. :)

The cis kings called me “girl” or “sis” because “I'm one of them” even after telling them time and time again that I wasn't comfortable with that.

And after this quite disastrous experience, the same ones who called me “girl” and me got into an argument because they wanted to change a song about forced toxic masculinity which is an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL SONG into lyrics to talk about femininity. I said that we could use another song then, because there's so few cis men singers who sing about being forced into toxic masculinity and virility that I found that a bit disrespectful to take this important message and make it about women and femininity. There's plenty of songs about that that we could use.

And now guess what ? I was a MEAN MAN who wanted women to NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR ISSUES because I was a very MANLY DUDE DISGUSTING MALE.

The same people who couldn't gender me correctly and called me “sis” a WEEK BEFORE.

So yeah, I got the fuck out and gave up.

I really wish I can perform again one day, but it'll be in another scene.

So PSA: book drag kings, because they are so underrepresented it's disheartening, RESPECT trans drag performers, don't but bioessentialism in drag for the LOVE OF GOD IT'S DRAG. Like imagine being transphobic as a DRAG PERFORMER. Learn the history. And fucking do better.

[etraytin]

Emergency Preparedness On A Budget

Hey all, just a reminder that even though many of us are looking at a warmer-than-average winter this year, warm on average does not mean we won't see winter storms! In fact, warm winters can produce some really unusual weather patterns that are even more likely to produce severe storms. The best time to prepare for a winter storm, or any other natural disaster, is well before it happens, ie, right now.

"But wait," you might say, "the economy is stupid and everything is expensive! I'm afraid my survival bunker is just going to have to wait until my lottery numbers come up, which will take awhile because I also can't afford to play the lottery." First off, good job not playing the lottery, and second, preparing for a disaster does not have to be expensive. In fact, if you start early enough, disaster preparedness can be done a few dollars at a time without much of anything in the way of special supplies.

In order to not make a single post that is a billion lines long, I am dividing my advice into a few different posts and will link them together when I am done. The links will be right here: Part 2: Medicine and Power

Food and Water Preparedness

FIrst and most important: food and water. The motto of disaster preparedness is "The first 72 is on you." In a major disaster situation, if the situation has not resolved itself within three days, that's about the amount of time it takes for outside help to get itself organized and start arriving in a meaningful way to a disaster area. Objectively three days is a pretty short period of time, subjectively it is a small eternity if you are not prepared.

Preppers (people who do disaster preparedness as a hobby, to greater and lesser levels of unhingedness) spend a lot of time discussing the best types of food and water prep for long-term storage and/or end of the world scenarios. We are not going to do that. We want cheap, easy, effective preparations that we can ideally do while grocery shopping in a Walmart. The easiest, simplest and cheapest way to do your food prep is this: Buy one or two canned, jarred or tetrapacked (that waxed cardboard box pack) meal items every time you can afford it, then set them aside. Find a little space in a closet, a cupboard, a shelf, whatever, and just keep those foods there until you have three days worth for everyone in your household, including the pets.

"Fine," you might say as you look skeptically at the back of your cupboards, "but that doesn't seem very specific. There are a lot of canned goods out there!" And that is fair! The basic rule of thumb is "Buy something you will eat, ideally without heating it up if necessary, that doesn't require much prep or cleaning." For example, my family is two adults and one adolescent, none of us with major food allergens or aversions. If I were trying for a 72-hour food prep for us on the cheap with no cooking available I'd probably go with six cans of chunky soup, which I get for a dollar each on sale, three small jars of applesauce (smaller jars are better if you have no way to cool food), a box of saltine crackers, three cans of tuna, and a big box of granola bars if I could keep them out of reach of the kiddo long enough.

It's not fancy and it may not provide great long-term nutrition, but it's enough food to keep us alive for three days in a form that will hold in storage for 1-2 years without needing to rotate. Even on a very tight budget you can probably accumulate this much food in a pretty reasonable amount of time (and a lot of it is the sort of thing you might get from a food bank anyway!) For pet food, pack up three days worth of your pet's food, ideally in a glass jar but any sealed container will do, and add any cans of wet food they'd get as well.

Water is another big prepping topic that we're going to go easy-peasy on. You need, at minimum, a gallon of clean water per person per day, plus extra for cleaning and washing. Water is annoying to store and takes a lot of room, so for a quickie 3-day prep, minimizing water use is ideal. If you can scare up enough paper plates, cups and utensils to last you three days, you save ever having to wash dishes. If you can get hold of a pack of wet wipes, you reduce the amount of water for washing your body. If you can bring yourself to pee in the woods or at the very least let urine sit in the toilet unflushed, you save a HUGE amount of water on flushing.

For your water prep, you can use the bit-at-a-time strategy again. Every time you get groceries, try to bring home a gallon or two of purified drinking water. They should be very cheap, usually around 1.25 in my neck of the woods, and they last for awhile. If you have a few extra dollars, buy a flat of bottled water until you have at least three gallon containers and one 12-pack for each human member of your household Tuck them away somewhere out of direct sunlight, and rotate them regularly, taking out an old gallon and flat and replacing them with new every couple of months.

Once you have your basic setup, you can start thinking about getting fancier. There are ways to find things like camp stoves and water filters fairly cheaply, usually by hitting up garage sales or looking in the clearance sporting goods section when camping season is over, but that's basically gravy when compared to just having something to eat.

Next Time: Medicine and Power

[dykemind]

My biggest fear once the initial cloud of detox dissipated was whether I would be able to continue to do my work on the Festival. What I realize now is that I could not have continued to do the work had sobriety not entered my life. My life of drinking and using had led me to be internally dishonest, and that fundamental dishonesty of self can only stay contained so long before it would start to bleed steadily into everything I did and affect everyone I loved.

Coming back to the Land sober in 1983 was not smooth. In the Mt. Pleasant office, I wasn’t loose and fun — I was scared and stiff. More than once I had a sister tell me she liked me so much better when I was drinking, or even yell at me to go get drunk. I was an asshole when I was drinking. Now I was an unrecognizable boring sonofabitch sober. The whole family system of the Festival production was based on me being Dad the Alcoholic, and all the pieces were on autopilot to pull me back into that role and keep the system as we all knew it.

I remember walking through those early weeks on the Land, my first year sober, tears running down my face, a constant that I couldn’t even attempt to hide. There was no skin on my face, no buffer over my nerves, and it showed on every level. My tears were but a symptom of the inner terror that was coursing through my veins. I remember throwing up back by my tent before my first sober Community Meeting, so deeply wretched with my inner fears and knowing I had to move forward. From that day on, my mash-up of the Third and Seventh Step prayers was my mantra that I repeated before every meeting, before every difficult discussion: "Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may serve this community. Take away my difficulties that stand in the way of my usefulness."

I decided not to stop buying the beer that the Festival had always provided for the crew, which by this time was served in old bathtubs we dug into the ground and filled with ice. Bathtubs of Beer were part of the lore of working Festival, and I would be damned if I would change that because I got sober. The little pink teardrop trailer I started with on the old Land had steadily grown, and by the last year of my drinking it had expanded to a 38-foot motor home with a party that never stopped. I gave it up and bought a tent. I didn't want the reminder of all the sleepless nights I'd partied until dawn, and I was finally ready to sleep in a tent on the Land. On the ground. I was getting back to ground zero, and from there all things were once again possible.

Lisa Vogel — We Can Live Like This ...A Memoir of a Culture

[littlemissclandestine]

Soft!Russell Adler x Reader pt.2

Note: Hello again my fellow Adler enjoyers! Just thought I'd add some more hcs because tbh this list is endless. He knows exactly how to treat a woman and you can't tell me otherwise. Look at him! GRAHHH!! Enjoy my lovelies... - Star ✰

🤎 Soft!Adler who has a habit of doing everything for you and you tell him to stop but he says that you've been a strong, independent woman all of your life and that it's one of the reasons he fell for you but now it's time for his girl to relax and enjoy life a little, and for you to let him take care of you

🤎 Soft!Adler who has the cutest pet names for you such as sweetheart, darlin', doll, honey, beautiful, gorgeous, tiger, princess etc

🤎 Soft!Adler who loves calling you his girl and gettin' all possessive

🤎 Soft!Adler who stands behind you while you're in front of a mirror as you're almost ready to go out, putting the necklace that he gifted you on for you, planting kisses on your neck, his hands tracing the outline of your body as he looks at you both in the mirror, in awe of you

🤎 Soft!Adler who always picks up your favourite things when he's out shopping and you're not with him, your likes and dislikes ingrained in his brain

🤎 Soft!Adler who understands your needs, both physical and emotional and fulfils them in a way that makes you adore him even more everyday

🤎 Soft!Adler who craves intimacy but denied it for far too long because of how his last relationship ended and underneath all of that bravado, America's monster needs to be reminded he is, in fact, human

🤎 Soft!Adler who takes time out and makes a conscious effort to visit your family when you finally introduce him even though it's something that makes him slightly nervous but he does it for you whether they like him or not

🤎 Soft!Adler who buys you flowers, chocolates, bath bombs etc. when you least expect it

🤎 Soft!Adler who makes you breakfast in bed during slow mornings, insisting he cleans up the plates and you have a nice soak, coming up to massage your scalp, scrub you gently and read a book to you as you hang your arms over the edge of the tub, your chin resting on top of your hands, listening intently

🤎 Soft!Adler who catches a whiff of your scent on his shirt or jacket at work, smiling to himself, leaning back in his chair as he remembers how you wore it the day before and he closes his eyes, inhaling it once more before getting back to his job

🤎 Soft!Adler who lets you apply his war paint for him on missions

🤎 Soft!Adler who offers to give you massages, claiming he is an expert and nobody would pass up on it, not even Woods or Mason

🤎 Soft!Adler who secretly loves skin on skin

🤎 Soft!Adler who picks you up bridal style or throws you over his shoulder whenever he feels like it, carrying you around the house

🤎 Soft!Adler who kisses every part of you that you don't love and cherishes it because he knows the pain of low self esteem and in his eyes, every inch of you is beautiful

🤎 Soft!Adler who opens car doors and pulls out chairs for you like a proper gentleman would

🤎 Soft!Adler who playfully smacks your ass when nobody's looking as you're boarding a heli or getting into a SUV if you work together

🤎 Soft!Adler who admires you for who you are and feels inspired by you, making him want to be a better person, not just for him but for you

🤎 Soft!Adler who won't get up and move when you've fallen asleep on him, even if his limbs are feeling numb, out of fear of disturbing you

🤎 Soft!Adler who's only vulnerable with you

🤎 Soft!Adler who tells you how you make him feel alive again after all of the trauma he has endured over the years due to the requirements of his job and the toll it takes on him, no matter how much he denies the extent of it

🤎 Soft!Adler who always wonders if he's doing right by you, how he managed to pull a girl like you in the first place, if you'd stay in his life no matter how long he's away for, how hard it gets and if you'd accept his hand in marriage when, not if, the time comes

🤎 Soft!Adler who lets his tears fall when he finally gets to see you walk down the aisle

dividers by @chachachannah <33

[mags6422]

It Happened One November - Part 19

Part 18 | 0 | Part 20

A/N: Mildly NSFW, minors avert your eyes or whatever

......

It's a normal Wednesday afternoon, and he and Max are just back from their patrol. They never find anything but last time it took a year for the thing to come back so Billy's not really surprised. Besides, he's started to like the one on one time with Max. Mostly they rip on the people they see around town and insult the music on the radio, occasionally taking snipes at each other but not in the way they used to. Shit at this point he might even call her his friend. 

What was the world coming to?

Anyway, he was in his room, ostensibly to work on his English essay but really he's rereading all the notes Steve keeps leaving in his locker.  He unfolds the one from this morning, the drawing is of the sun with some clouds around it and the message is the sappiest one yet. ‘You are the best part of every day - S’. It's the cheesiest shit he's ever seen and it has him grinning like a fucking loon, he so happy about it. 

He's folding it away when his walkie goes off. “Gold Leader to Blondie, come in Blondie, over.” 

“Blondie?” He can hear the kids all yacking away from Max’s room most nights and he's heard the all hands messages in the mornings, usually when someone had a nightmare and needs to hear the roll call to make sure everyone was alright (fuck, these kids needed therapy) but this was the first time someone had tried to contact him directly. 

“What do you want, Henderson?” 

“Dude! You're supposed to use codenames! And you're supposed to say ‘over’ when you're done with your message, over.” 

“Nope, not happening, and you better come up with a better codename for me than ‘Blondie’” he's just fucking with the kid, mostly. Henderson and Wheeler are the easiest to get all riled up. 

“Uuug, you're the worst!” Billy grins, too easy. “Fine! I need help picking out a Christmas present for Steve! What do you think I should get him? Over” 

“How the fuck should I know?” Shit! What did Henderson know? Had he seen something? 

“Uuh, because you're his best friend, duh?” And fuck, here comes the goofy grin again, he can feel it. Steve told Henderson that Billy was his best friend. What is he, 12? Why is this effecting him? “So what should I get him? Over.” 

“I don't fucking know, Henderson, make him a drawing out of macaroni, isn't that what little kids give their mothers?” He can practically feel the frustration pouring off the kid through the radio, it's great. 

“Why are we friends with you again? Over.” He huffs. 

“Cause I'm good with an axe.” Is his immediate smug response. 

“Fine! Yes! You're good with an axe. Will you take us to the store on Friday? The only other person we know with a car is Steve and obviously he can't take us. Over.” 

He's already planning on doing it but just to be a dick he asks “What's in it for me?” 

“The satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing? Over.” 

Billy just blows a raspberry into the walkie. 

“Oh my god, fine! I'd own you one! A favour of your choosing to be cashed in whenever you want.” 

“You got yourself a deal, Henderson.” He had no idea what favour he could possibly need from the twerp but it's always good to have people in his dept. “Meet me at my car after school on Friday. Don't be late or I'm leaving without you.” 

“Yes! Roger that! Over and out!” 

“Fucking nerds.” Billy had never said that with more affection in his life. 

The conversation did get him thinking though, what should he get Steve? Should he even get him anything? He'd never had a full on relationship before but in the movies and stuff they always exchanged gifts.  Shit, Steve's family was loaded, there was nothing that Billy could get him that he couldn't just buy for himself. And even if he thought of something, he had no money to buy it with. 

“Fuuuck.” 

He thinks about it for the rest of the week. He drives the kids three towns over to where they have a single department store because Hawkins remains the fucking worst and does some browsing himself, getting something for Neil and Susan. He's had a new skateboard tucked away for Max for a few weeks to replace the one he broke so she's all set. He even picks up a couple little trinkets for the rest of the kids. But he still can't find anything for Steve. 

The kids are successful at least, they pooled their funds and got him two shirts, one for the band Wham! And one that says ‘Worlds Best Mom.’ with plans to personalize it before they give it to him. Its fucking funny and Billy can't wait to see his face when he opens it. The doofus will probably wear it too. Not to school or anything, but around the house for sure. 

He's still trying to think of something as he drives over to the guys house to pick him up for their date that night. 

Yesterday, he and Steve had stayed late at practice to work on their free throws. Of course it had escalated as they both tried to show off for each other and it turned into a bet. Whoever sank the most baskets got to choose their date on Friday, whoever lost had to pay.  Their game had gone on for almost an hour, long after everyone else had left the gym, going shot for shot until Steve cheated and pinched his ass as he was squaring up for a three pointer. Asshole. 

Whatever, Billy couldn't even be mad because he definitely made up for it in the shower after. 

They tried not to make a habit of fooling around at school but Steve was so fucking hot and wet and naked, Billy was crowding him in against the wall before he even fully decided to make a move.  And Steve was so fucking responsive to everything they did, full of soft noises and gasping breath. This time Billy managed to get a hand around both of them, guiding Steve's hand down to join his, so they could get a good grip.  The dual sensations of their combined hands and Steve's hard, hot cock thrusting alongside his had them both shooting off in record time, clinging and shaking together as the warm water streamed over them.  They had dried each other off after, helping one another into their clothes. Soft fucking romantic shit he would never admit to loving. 

“So, you're taking me to the movies tomorrow after you're done with the kids, baby?” teased Steve as he gently towel dried Billy's hair. “Terminator is still in theatres, I think you'll like it.” 

Billy had already seen it with Tommy and Carol back in October when it first came out but he wasn't going to say no to anything Steve asked for right after they had just got off together so he agreed to pick him up at 7:30. Besides, the movie has been out long enough that Billy is hoping for a mostly empty theatre so they can make out in the back row.

Billy was so close to getting his wish but as the previews drew to a close, another couple sat down in their same row.  To add insult to injury, the other couple barely even watched the movie, they make it through the first 15 minutes to a naked Kyle Reece which apparently put the chick in the mood because then she was practically crawling into her date's lap. 

Amen sister, he couldn't even be mad because he had been planning on doing the exact same thing.  He leaned over to point the other couple out to Steve, snickering, so they could both enjoy the bonus show that was being included with their popcorn. Steve just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at him.

Steve tries a couple times to take his hand through the movie but that's not safe with someone sitting so close, no matter how distracted they seem, so he gives his fingers a ‘later’ squeeze and deposits his hand back in his own lap. “I'll do a hell of a lot more than hold your hand tomorrow, baby.” he whispers as Sarah Connor limps her way through the factory. 

To his surprise, instead of the quick comeback about hand jobs he had left wide open for the other guy, Steve just averts his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest.

Was it something I said?  

Steve is clearly mad about something but Billy can't figure out what. As far as he can tell, things have been going great between them. The sex is great, they make each other laugh, hell he's even got Billy being nice to the brats! So what gives? They are up and out of their seats the moment the credits start rolling. And Billy can feel the tension between them, can feel his own shoulders going up, his temper rising in response. 

What the fuck did Billy do? He took him on the stupid date, he drove around his stupid kids, he barely even flirted with the girl at the popcorn stand despite the come-fuck-me eyes she had been giving him. So what the fuck was Steve's problem?! 

The silence is an oppressive weight as they both climb back into the Camaro and Billy revs the engine a couple times before peeling out of the parking lot. 

Shit did he want to break up? 

Fucking why?! Things were great!

Well he wasn't dumping Billy without a fight, that's for damn sure.  If they're going to have a stand off, he's not doing it on Harrington's home turf, that's for sure. So he drives them out to the quarry instead. 

The drive is silent except for the radio, but every time he shoots a look across the console, Steve is looking away from him out the window. The dick.  Billy turns up the radio to the max and feels his temper rising right alongside it and the speedometer. The takes the turn off the main road and feels the back wheels spin out as they leave the paved and plowed roads. 

The quarry is empty this time of year even on a Friday night. No one else is dumb enough to be sitting in a car when it's this cold out so Billy is able to floor it as they slip and slide toward the water.  And Steve is still not saying anything! He's not even paying attention! Just looking out the fucking window!

Fuck it. Ignore this, bitch.

Billy slams on the brakes and skids to a stop, closer to the edge of the quarry than he intended (Steve might have a point about those snow tires) and that gets a reaction out of brunette, finally! 

“What the fuck Billy!” He yells, clinging to the holy shit bar with a white knuckle grip. “You could have killed us!” 

“What the fuck is your problem?!” He yells back. 

“What's my problem?! What's your problem!? That was way too close!” Now he's waving his arms around, smacking one on the roof of the car. 

“Well excuse me for being distracted when my fucking boyfriend is about to fucking dump me!” He hollers back, not caring that he can feel spittle flying from him mouth as he slams his palm into the wheel. 

“What?!” Cries Harrington, and he's even got the nerve to try and sound surprised, the dick head. “Why would I break up with you?! What did you do?!”

“You tell me fuck face! You're the one who's been acting like I took a dump in your swimming pool.” 

“Ew!”

“So get on with it Harrington! Tell me why you've decided to kick me to the curb!” 

“Oh my god! I'm not breaking up with you! I want the opposite of that! I'm fucking pissed that I can't even hold your hand in the goddamn theatre!” 

“What?!” Now Billy is the one who's confused. 

Across from him, Steve takes a couple deep breaths and runs his hands through his hair a few times, clearly gathering himself. “I really didn't see this conversation having this much shouting or reckless driving charges.”

Billy just gave him his best ‘bitch please’ look and Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, fine, that's on me.” He took one last deep breath before turning fully to face him. “Ok, here goes. It bothers me that I can't show you how much you mean to me when we're in public. It pisses me off when I see other couples kissing and shit and we can't do that. But what really messes me up is that you don't seem to feel the same.”

“What do you mean, I don't feel the same?” what the actual fuck? Does Steve not get it?

“Why doesn't it ever seem to bother you? That we can't have a normal date where we hold hands and kiss where people might see?” and shit, he was serious, wasn't he?

Ok, I guess I'm going to have to spell this out for him.

“Because this is as good as it's ever going to get for me! For people like me . I'm never going to be able to show my feelings in public.” And shit, now he's crying. God, he hates crying. “I can't legally marry anyone that I could actually love. I can never have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. This is the best that I can possibly hope for.” and fuck! Now Steve's crying. God could this car get any more fucking gay?

“Billy-”

“There's a reason why people like me have to stay hidden, Steve! And if you can't handle that, then we need to end things right here and now. Before I -” fall in love with you . He can't say it. Not when everything they have is so close to getting torn away. 

Steve isn't like him. He knows that. Steve could wake up tomorrow and decide that all this, all of Billy, wasn't worth the risk, the effort, the heart ache. He could walk away, find some girl, get married with kids and a fucking dog and live happily ever fucking after. But not him. Not Billy. He'd known it for years. Billy was a fucking fag and no amount of faking it would change that. Trust him, he'd tried. 

Callused hands on his cheeks bring him out of his mental spiral, turning his head so he was staring at his (for now) boyfriend's tear stained face. He felt rough thumbs gently wiping away the mortifying wetness on his own cheeks. 

“Billy, baby, I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you, ok? It's worth it, you're worth it. I just wish there was a way I could show you how much you're worth it every day instead of waiting until Saturdays.” And fuck how was he real? Who just says that shit? And fucking means it too? “I just wish there was like a secret gay code or something so you'd know. And I'd know you know.” 

Fuck, his boyfriend, had the best ideas!

“We could make one! Like flagging and the earrings and Friends of Dorothy!” he brought his hands up to grip Steve's wrists, turning his face to give his palm a little kiss.

“I don't know what that means? Who’s Dorothy?” Steve asked, wrinkling his nose.

“She's your friend.” he shot back with a smile. God, if he wasn't careful he was absolutely going to fall in love with this clueless small town hick. 

“Do you mean Dorothy McAlister? The librarian? She's like… an acquaintance at best.” And that set Billy off in a blubbery laugh, still crying a bit but he was such a lovable idiot sometimes. 

“What I'm saying is we can make our own code. Like, what do you want to do most when we're at school?” 

Steve blushes at that, ducking his head before looking back up at him through his lashes. “Call you pet names, like baby, sweetheart, that kind of thing.” 

“Fuck, you're so fucking cute. Ok, how about ‘dude’? Our pet name for each other can be ‘dude’ and we don't use it for anyone else, ok?” Billy can't hold himself back anymore, he leans forward and kisses the small pleased smile off Steve's lips. 

“And… I want to give you little kisses, like on the cheek and stuff. Good morning kisses are the best, dude.” Fuck, he can already feel his heart warming at the casual ‘dude’ thrown in there already. But Steve is also blushing so he'll forgive himself for being a fucking sap in the privacy of his own brain. (Eleven, you better not be fucking listening right now!) 

“Fist bump?” He says, offering up his own curled hand between them. “Any time you're thinking about laying one on me when we're out and about, you give me one of these.” Steve shyly presses his own fist to Billy's, eyes still shining with tears that he's not even bothering to wipe away, even though he cleaned up Billy's. 

“And I want to hold you, hug you, keep my arm over your shoulder.” He's almost whispering now and shit. It's all so fucking wholesome, the shit that Steve has been beating himself up over not being able to do. 

“We can trade jackets. The letterman jackets are all identical, but yours smells like you, it'd be almost as good.” He's already shrugging his own off his arms to slide around his boyfriends shoulders. Steve is wearing a grey wool peacoat today but he switches them out all the same. “Just make sure you don't clear out the pockets on that one. I've got some precious cargo in there.” 

Steve frowns and immediately starts digging through all the pockets before he finds his little stash of locker notes and other mementos from their time together. He's kept all the goofy notes as well as a napkin from the diner they went on their first date with the time and date scribbled on it, a ticket from one of their games and now the ticket stub from Terminator tonight. 

“Shit, Billy, are you secretly a romantic?” Steve laughs, looking through the notes again. 

Billy shoves him away, hard enough that he crashes into the door behind, laughing out an oof “Shut up, and you owe me a jacket, asshole.” 

Steve just grins at him, tucking away the notes in their pocket as his eyes rake over Billy. He's looking hot as hell if he does say so himself. He gives Steve a once over as well and fuck if it's not doing something for him, knowing that it's his jacket he's all wrapped up in. 

“C’mere,” Steve whispers, offering a hand and Billy's powerless to resist as Steve guides him over the centre console, helping to settle him into the older teens lap. Steve is gazing up at him with dark eyes full of heat and lust and something softer that he's way too emotionally vulnerable to name right now. 

Billy traces his fingers across the brunette's full lips before meeting him in a soft kiss, settling his arms around his shoulders and sighing as he feels hands grilling his hips.  The kiss starts out slow and languid, like they have all the time in the world before Steve slips a hand into the back of his jeans and groans when he finds out that Billy is going commando today. 

“Jesus Christ,” he pants into Billy's mouth and suddenly it's a race to see who can get the others cloths off first. Jackets and shirts get thrown in the back seat. Jeans are shoved down just far enough to free their dicks and then Steve is gathering them both into his big, rough hands, giving them a hard stroke. 

They groan into one another's mouth as Steve sets a punishing pace before diving back into the kiss. It's hot and heavy, a battle of tongues and teeth and they rapidly hurtle toward the finish line. 

“Steve!” Fuck he's not going to last long, he can feel his balls drawing up, his breath panting, heart racing and when he meets Steve's eyes he sees all his feelings, even the warm mushy ones that he can't talk about being mirrored back and he's done. He lasts for one, two more strokes before he's shooting off, painting both their chests and stomachs in white stripes. 

“Jesus, you look so freaking hot like this, Billy.” pants Steve's hand not missing a beat and Billy has to whine in overstimulation, pulling back until Steve releases him from the hold. He smacks his hand away when Steve moves to continue working himself, taking over the steady pumps and adding a flick of the wrist at the top. 

“Yeah baby, next time I'm gunna get you in a bed. Lay you out like a fucking feast and suck your fucking brains out of your dick. Gonna give you the best head of your life, baby.” He's whispering every filthy thing he ever wanted to do to him in Steve's ear as he nibbles his way down his throat. “If you're really good, I'll flip you over, open you up on my tongue, get you slick and wet and open so I can take you.” 

“Billy!” And there he goes, cum firing out of his dick hard enough to hit Billy on the chin, his eyes hooded and blissed out. Billy wipes at the jizz on his face, then pops his fingers in his mouth, moaning at the taste and the wide eyed look he gets from Steve. “God, what's so hot.” He whispers and immediately pulls him down into a kiss, chasing the taste of himself from the younger man's lips. 

The two eventually part and Billy twists around to grab the tissues out of his glove box. He throws a couple loose ones in Steve's face just to be annoying and they clean up in silence, stealing a couple kisses before they are presentable again and Billy dumps the used tissues out the window to float away on the breeze. 

“Fuck, we should fight more often.” Teased Billy as he slithers back into the driver seat and starts up the engine again, turning the heater on high, it's fucking cold here in the sticks. “You got any other gripes we can air out, dude?” He throws a little wink and offers his fist for a bump. He's not expecting the excited grin on the other guy's face, or the way his heart flips over when their knuckles meet. 

“Not right now, but I'll be sure to think of something. I'm gunna wait till you're not driving next time though, I'm still pissed about you almost sending us to the bottom of the quarry.” 

“Please, I knew exactly what I was doing.” 

“No. You didn't. You skidded out on the ice because you refuse to get snow tires!”

“Oh my god, dude, shut up about the snow tires!” 

“Never!” And he was off on his safety rant, but they were both ruining it by smiling. 

……..

They didn't get the chance to meet up that weekend because Billy had family stuff to do for the holidays. Christmas break was fast approaching and Billy was starting to panic about what to get Steve.  They were getting closer and closer each day and he wanted it to be something special but he had absolutely no ideas. It was time for the last resort. 

“What?” Called Max through her closed door when he knocked. Neil and Susan had gone out to run some errands so it was just the two of them in the house right now. 

“Can I come in?” Once upon a time, he would have just barged in, but he was working on being nicer to the little shit lately. 

“Yeah, it's open.” Of course it's open, neither of them were allowed locks on their doors. He entered anyway.  Max’s room was a riot of colours, every wall covered in posters and drawings and photos. Like she was determined to fight the bleak Indiana landscape with ink alone. It kind of hurt his eyes, but in a good way. 

“Yeah? What did you want?” Max herself was seated on her bed, homework spread around her and her headphones hanging around her neck. He could hear the tinny music from here but couldn't name the song. 

“I wanted to ask… your advice.” Shit, he hadn't thought this through. Max knew, of course, what was wrong with Billy, the reason they had to move from California. She had even lied for him a couple times. And he suspected that she had seen him making out with Alex that one time. 

But they had never talked about it. He'd never admitted it to her. And she had never accused him of anything.

But she had also been the one to let it slip to Neil. Had given away just enough details that he put the dots together. Managed to find them that night.

She had apologized before, begged him to forgive her while he was still in the hospital. He hadn't been able to, back then. And now it felt like it had been too long. 

Fuck it, here goes nothing. “What should I get my… person I'm dating for Christmas?”

“Holy fuck! You're dating Steve!” Max whisper yells at him. It's not loud enough to carry outside the room, let alone the house and Neil isn't even here but he's still launching himself across the room to shush her. 

“Jesus fucking Christ will you shut the hell up?! And how the fuck do you figure that?!” 

“He's literally the only person over the age of 14 that you spend time with, idiot!” She shoves his hand away from her mouth and she's got the smuggest fucking grin. Jesus, this was a mistake. “ Aaaand I've seen the way you look at him.” 

“Aah! Fine! Ok! Yes, we're dating, have been basically since That Night. Now are you going to help me or what?” He's off the bed again and pacing, pulling at his hair. 

Max knowing is dangerous. He trusts her to not tell anyone explicitly that he's boning some dude, but she's only 13 and doesn't always understand that other people are also capable of reading between the lines. 

“You haven't got him anything? Christmas break starts next week!” 

“Yes, I am aware, thank you Maxine!” A little part of him grins at the annoyed look she gives him at using her full name. But at least she seems to be thinking about it. 

“Well, what's he like? As a boyfriend, I mean? Is he cocky, sweet, shy?” 

And Billy just knows he's got the dumbest smile on his face right now. “Honestly? He's the sappiest little shit I ever did see. He wants to hold hands at the movies and gave me his letterman jacket and leaves cute little fucking notes in my locker.” 

“Awww, so he's a romantic! Classic boyfriend behaviour. Hmmm… you should totally make him a mix tape of badass love songs!” she gushes, already rooting around her room for a blank one.

“Fuck no! That's so lame!” Billy doesn't make people miss tapes!

“Exactly! He'll eat that shit right up! I guarantee he will play it every time you're in the car together!” She unearths a blank tape from an old shoebox under her bed and shoves it into his hand. “And the card has to have some heartfelt shit in it. Tell him why you picked every song.” 

Fuck, she wasn't wrong. He could absolutely see Steve doing something like that. 

“Aaaand, then you won't have to listen to Abba when he's driving.” She wheedled. 

“Dammit, fine. You got any ideas for songs?” She did, and strong ones too. They spent the rest of the weekend arguing about it. 

Read the whole series on AO3

Part 18 | 0 | Part 20

[enmstorytime]

The Amusement Park Chapter 3

My husband and I weaved through the crowded amusement park, my hand in his, my eyes on the ground, as he guided us. I could not afford to look up. The sun shine and breeze on my bare torso and the memory of the hot ginger dilf had made me too horny to handle seeing anyone else in the park. My mind kept playing through different possibilities, but as long as I didn't look at a specific man and wish his clothes away, the magic wouldn't happen.

I thought of the Chris Evans looking security guard my husband had told me about, and I imagined melting Chris Evan clothes away like that scene in Fantastic Four, only there would be no coat to hold around his crotch.

I thought about catching the ginger dilf before the security guard. Maybe in another world we'd sneak him to a bathroom where my husband and I could hide him in a stall, and promise to buy him clothes in exchange for letting us suck him off.

Without having that fantasy of getting to touch the dilf, I wondered where he was in reality. Had the security guard led him out of the park? Had he been banned? Or had security taken pity on him? Had his wife had to fork over too much money to buy him mismatched clothing that he could wear around the park for the rest of the day. I couldn't help but resent the universe a little. In a perfect world, that dilf would be allowed (forced is a better word here) to walk around the park for the rest of the day without his clothes. HIs wife would have to roll her eyes and get used to the world staring down what she probably assumed was hers and only hers to see. And he would have to wander around the park, his pale hairy skin practically glowing in the sunlight. How much sunscreen would he have to use? Would I have the balls to offer to help him get his back?

"I have an idea," my husband whispered in my ear. "What if I tell you when to look up?"

He pulled me into a line for one of the roller coasters. I imagined a man directly in front of us for the whole time we stood in line standing patiently in front of us, butt naked because I melted his clothing. I imagined us chatting with him, as we waited for the ride, his penis dangling in front of us, a shy hand rubbing the back of his neck, with a slight blush on his cheeks. At first, he'd cover his cock, but my husband and I would reassure him we'd both seen plenty of penises before and his was beautiful. But I knew that wouldn't work. In my twelve years of having this gift, I'd never met a man who remailed calm after his clothes vanished from his body.

I imagined the conversation that could put a man at ease: Hey man, I don't want you to be surprised, but I think you're incredibly sexy. It's my birthday, and for whatever reason, the universe has given me the power to dissolve other men's clothes. I'd love to dissolve every single part of your clothing off of your sexy body. You shouldn't have to hide all that beauty. Who would give me the opportunity to say all of that? And even if I said all of that, who would believe me?

The line took twenty minutes as my husband held my hand leading me through the line, while my mind played through the scenario of meeting a man who would be flattered by my interest, and willing to just stand around so I could soak up all the beauty of his naked flesh.

An attendant led me and my husband to the gates to board the ride. There were two men in front of us (I could tell by the shoes and the hairy calves, before I quickly bounced my eyes away from them to a spot of empty ground). The gates opened, and my husband pulled me forward as the two men stepped through the gates to board the two-seater ride.

"Now," my husband whispered.

My gut clenched. I didn't know which one of the two that my husband meant, and as I looked up, I took them both in, realizing we had spent the entire line standing behind another gay couple. They were what we would call, "boyfriend twins." Two twinks, with the haircut fade, lean, lanky bodies, clean shaven faces. Hairless arms and legs.

This was going to cost me, but their lap bar was down, the ride music had started, they'd be gone in seconds.

And they'd ride the entire ride naked.

Both of them.

I only saw a flash of their bare skin as they squealed about their suddenly naked state of being. The ride launched them away. I imagined their cocks bouncing against their thighs and against the lap bar, as they flew up the first hill, then down, through a few barrel rolls, a loop, more ups and downs. They screamed the whole way.

My husband laughed beside me, but I wasn't laughing. My shoes, socks, and shorts had all vanished. I was standing in my underwear. Thankfully, all of my underwear (the boxer shorts over briefs over a jockstrap) had stayed, and I wasn't mooning anyone behind us.

There was commotion on the platform around us. The attendants had realized that two of their passengers had had their clothing melted off of them. So had everyone waiting to board the ride. Their clothes had been present one second, gone the next. Now we were all staring waiting for the naked men to return.

And once they returned, it was a matter of time before people realized I was very close to joining them in their nudity. If I wasn't careful, I would be getting a taste of my own medicine very soon.

[96wonulicious]

mine now - h.js

>> part 2 of: regret - l.jh

genre: fluff;

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

..Jihoon watched you drive off, already knowing this will be the biggest regret of his whole life.

-

It's been quite alot of time now since you last saw Jihoon. You've been avoiding him at all cost, trying not to hurt more than you already are. Ever since Joshua picked you up, he was there for you 24/7. He helped you move out of your shared apartment with Jihoon and let you live in his for a while.

Every now and then you had days were everything was just too much. You always thought it's your fault that you got cheated on. I mean, if there wasn't something wrong with you he wouldn't have cheated right? That's what you thought at least.

You thought you were doing better when all of a sudden, everyday felt like a burden. You just wanted to rot in bed, having no motivation to do anything. Sometimes you didn't even want to wake up. Joshua tried his best to comfort you, but you could sense that after some time it was too much for him too.

You felt even worse now, knowing you're the reason he feels that way. You decided to show him how grateful you were to have him, even though words couldn't be enough to describe it. As people say, actions speak louder than words so that's exactly what you planned to do.

After you got home from work you started deep cleaning his apartment, knowing by the time he got home from practicing with seventeen he would be too tired to do it himself. Also it was a really good distraction so you didn't mind. After you were done with that, you went out restocking his fridge and also buying some things you were going to cook for him later.

That done, you also got him a little gift. A teddy bear holding a heart and some candy he liked. On the way home you noticed a familiar car in the street just passing by Joshua's apartment complex every now and then. Weird you thought, looks exactly like Jihoons'...

When you got home you unpacked the groceries and started cooking, forgetting about the car. Joshua should be home in around an hour from now so I better get started. You started preparing a five-star meal, just like he deserved. As if he could sense it, he entered the apartment the moment you took the food out of the oven.

You ran up to the door to hug him and obviously he hugged you back, burying his head in your hair, taking in your sweet scent. "I have something for you" you grinned at him. He raised an eyebrow. "Should I be scared..?" he chuckled. "No silly", you laughed and flicked his forehead, "it's something good I'd say." He just nodded and followed you into the kitchen.

"What's that?" he said as he looked at the food. "I made it just for you. I hope you're hungry" you smiled at him. "I sure am" he laughed and sat down at the dining table. You gave him a plate and he ate it like he hasn't seen any food in a year. You just smiled at how cute he is. Wait a minute...

"So how was work?" you asked him, trying to shake off these thoughts. "It was great!! We practiced some of the new choreos and recorded some stuff. Only weird thing is Jihoon wasn't there.." he said while finishing his food. "That's good" you smiled him, remembering the car you saw earlier. "Actually, you said he wasn't with you guys today?" you asked to which he just nodded.

"Weird. I saw a car today driving around the building a few times and to be honest, it looked a lot like you know...Jihoons car" you said looking out the window. "That is indeed weird. But I don't think we should think too much of it. Let's just relax tonight" he said and hugged you from behind.

You didn't know what to do so you just stayed there until he left to go to the living room. "Did you clean in here??" he shouted. "Uh yeah I did, I cleaned the whole apartment for you" you shouted back. You went into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Joshua.

He put an arm around you and pulled you close. "Thank you" he said while giving you a quick peck on your head. "No, I need to thank you. You have been there for me through everything that has happened recently. You always made sure I'm somewhat happy, no matter how tired or stressed you were. You literally let me live here with you, without you I would be homeless. I don't think I've shown you enough appreciation so that's why I cleaned and cooked for you. I know it's not much but I figured it's the least I could do. I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to have you by my side but I just can't put it into words." you said, your eyes starting to water.

He was speechless to say the least. "I-uh I-" he stuttered. "I don't even know what to say right now" he whispered. "Don't worry you don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that" you smiled at him. There was silence between you two, only the tv delivering some background noise. Then it happened.

Your faces slowly moving towards each other. The tension grew with every passing second and before you knew it, you felt his lips on yours. It felt magical. All your thoughts, your pain and your sorrows were blown away the second your lips touched. It was like the world stopped spinning. Like everything stood still.

His hands found their way to the side of your face pulling you closer, deepening the kiss. Yours made their way into his hair, occasionally playing with some strands. After what felt like an eternity, you pulled apart. Out of breath and cheeks flushed bright pink. "Wow.." he whispered, "you don't know how long I've been waiting to do this."

You grinned at him, pulling him close. You guys continued watching whatever tv show was playing until you both got tired. You got ready for bed and were ready to go to sleep when Joshua asked you something.

"Can I ask you something?" "Sure what is it?" you said turning towards him. "What are we after this? Like, what did that earlier mean to you?" You were taken aback by that question. You didn't really know how to react at first.

"You know.. I really enjoyed that kiss, and your presence in general. I could get used to living with you. Not just as your roommate but you know.. maybe more than that" you said and scooted closer to him.

"Well lucky for you I don't feel any different. I like having you around and... I definitely don't mind kissing you more often..." he whispered that last part before pulling you in again. "You're mine now.."

[waytootiredforthistoo]

On The Grammys (AOTY)

I've had this conversation probably 6 times this week already, and I'm going to try to get my thoughts down in one coherent place so that I can start just pointing back to this instead of yapping endlessly again.

I think more people need to be cognizant of how racism and classism play a role in how they talk about the AOTY results from this year. I wanna be clear about my bias from the start, I'm a Swiftie through and through, Fearless was literally the first album I was ever allowed to buy on my own. I loved Tortured Poets, and I still think Beyonce's win on Sunday makes sense.

I'm not going to try and convince anyone that her album was better than your fav's, and if your whole argument is "I love ___'s album so much! I think it was the best album of all time!" Then I love your enthusiasm, and I want to hear all about why you love it! Pop off! But if your thought process revolves around thoughts like "Beyonce just isn't that popular," or "people didn't really listen to Cowboy Carter like that," or "A country album? As AOTY?" Then I'd like to invite you to take just a minute to consider how racism and classism might play a hidden role in how you got to those conclusions.

(more below the cut)

I'll start with the classism bc I feel like that will somehow be the most controversial, but also the most straight forward. Cowboy Carter is a country album. Full stop. Country. Album. If you look at literally the first song on the album she explicitly talks about how hard she has had to work to have this album perceived as country. "Used to say I spoke too country, and the rejection came. Said I wasn't country 'nough. Said I wouldn't saddle up, but if that ain't country, tell me what is? Plant my bare feet on solid ground for years. They don't know how hard I had to fight for this." Beyonce is from Houston, Texas. She is southern, and she is, in this album, writing country music. Since 1969, 5 other country albums have won AOTY. A lot of people have large prejudice against country music and a lot of the time it's just thinly veiled classism.

I am literally from the deep south, but every day I get on the internet and people act like I'm supposed to be embarrassed by my love of country music (quite frankly, it happens a lot irl too). For some reason, the only acceptable verbiage to praise country is "I hate country... well, obviously except Dolly. And oh, I like Kacey Musgraves," or "actually Taylor was better when she still did country," and this or that and on and on and at what point can you just admit that you might like the genre? That maybe every single song doesn't tickle your fancy, but that maybe that's true of every single genre ever, and that maybe you shouldn't make a blanket statement of hatred about someone else's deep rooted cultural tradition! I know we're poor! I know we're not always the most educated! I know we make bad decisions sometimes! But why does that empower people to say that our cultural traditions and music are uniquely bad and mockable? Why does the poorness of our music, the instruments we traditionally had available to us, the themes that are relevant in country music make it fair game for you to make fun of to my face?

I think, perhaps, it is the world's hottest take to imply that Beyonce of all people could possibly be subjected to classism, the irony is not lost on me, but I still think it's true! I think people have a distinct prejudice against country music that is almost always based in classism and ignorance on their part (I have never had a person who 'hates all country music' be able to tell me any songs/artists they've actually listened to that solidify that hate. They can only name major artists with recent scandals, songs that got too annoyingly popular on the radio- as if that is a country specific problem, or their slew of exceptions, the good country songs).

Also, if your argument is that you don't think this was a country album because a black person wrote it I need you to fuck all the way off bc that's straight racism and you are not who I'm trying to reach with this post.

On to my second main point, which is one I hear a lot. It has to do with the alleged popularity of Cowboy Carter, especially as it relates to the other albums nominated. If you think Beyonce's album wasn't popular because it wasn't playing in the spaces you were in or around the people you hang out with, I invite you to take a second and think about who and where those people and places were. I so sincerely do not mean this as any kind of indictment on anyone, but demographic studies have shown numbers like 76% of Black Americans being Beyonce fans. Do you hang out with Black Americans? Black people? Americans? It's not shocking that her biggest demographic is the one she comes from. It's not shocking that if you're not spending your time in spaces with people who like her, that you would hear less of her music. (to be clear, every racial demographic in America polls at over 50% Beyonce fans, but I am aware than generally in other countries her biggest audiences are often black women).

SNL did a skit about this literally 8 years ago. It's called "The Day Beyonce Turned Black" and it's obviously goofy, but it really highlights my point here. Beyonce had just put out Formation, which had a lot of overt references to her blackness, and white people lost their shit about it. If you don't remember the skit, it birthed this reaction image, which you've probably seen:

If you find the concept of Beyonce winning AOTY genuinely unfathomable, I invite you to consider the possibility that maybe it just wasn't for you, but that doesn't mean that it also wasn't for millions of other people. If you don't know anyone who listened to Cowboy Carter then I'd say maybe look at who might be missing in your friend group demographics because the album had a billion streams, so clearly it's hitting with somebody.

Another thing point worth mentioning bc it has come up a shocking amount to me, is that if you are one of the people who genuinely believes this win must have been part of some kind of conspiracy, but you also haven't even listened to the whole album then that's maybe also worth taking into account! Is it possible that Cowboy Carter would have been your favorite album this year too if you gave it a proper chance? Is it possible that the Grammy voters were simply making a more informed decision than you were?

Again, I just want to say that I don't want to tell you that you have to also believe that Cowboy Carter deserved Album of the Year, and not liking Beyonce doesn't make someone a racist/ classist. I just want people to be mindful of how quickly the rhetoric we use around our favs can backslide into some pretty nasty prejudices if we're not keeping an eye on our blind spots. (Hell, I'm sure I have plenty of blind spots of my own in this post, and I welcome any other thoughts/ critiques/ perspectives/ questions)

[deconstructivesurgery]

Been thinking a lot about Borderlands 3 and Rhys lately and since I've seen people posting a lot about the things they dislike about the way Borderlands 3 handled... literally everything, from previous games' characters to their strange and sudden insistent belief that "some of the megacorporations that make weapons to profit off of the galaxy being unsafe and constantly engage in inter-corporate war to steal things from each other are good actually" I thought I'd add a few of my own thoughts into the ring, this time specifically about Rhys- one of the characters who I found to be both dumbed down in 3 (although to a lesser extent than characters like Vaughn, who was pretty much just reduced to a bit character.) Cut because this is gonna be a long one, folks.

I think something interesting is the fact that Borderlands 3 really took away some of the snide, prideful behaviour Rhys had in the original Tales, kinda stripping him of some of his less "cutesy" personality flaws while giving him new ones he didn't necessarily have before- like accidentally making him seem incredibly shallow in quests like Space Laser Tag- where he's mainly concerned about trivial things like his favourite spots being destroyed while the company he fought to rebuild for the past SEVEN years is also being crushed. This is largely because instead of portraying him as the flawed but OVERALL currently well-intentioned (to some degree) character he is, they wanted him to be little more than an "adorkable" goofy type of character- and acknowledging his past of scheming ambition and potential to be incredibly dismissive of others doesn't fit that.

The thing *I* personally like the most about my perception of Rhys as a character is the dissonance between his character arc and his actions beyond the original Tales. I think it's important to spearhead this conversation with the fact that I don't like buying into the idea of Rhys being possessed by Handsome Jack post-TFTBL, trying to bring him back, or even still being in possession of his infected ECHOeye. Whether he sided with him for the majority of the original Tales or not, I prefer believing that the canon ending to the game inevitably resulted in Rhys finally discarding his idolization of Jack and resolving to veer his own life away from following in Jack's footsteps and towards creating his own ideal future with Atlas.

Does that immediately make him a morally perfect wonderful guy who's not still questionable by sheer virtue of INSISTING on making a return to the very corporate hellscape that pushed him to do everything from get unnecessary body modifications (still forever thinking about the fact that he did NOT lose that arm, my man had it purposefully removed for the sake of career success). No. The FUN part of it all is that Rhys is simultaneously right- he isn't like Jack, and I really don't like that the new Tales really switched up his behaviour to resemble his more- and wrong. Because at the end of the day, he's now still the CEO of a large-scale weapons manufacturer taking advantage of the unrest between planets and corporations just like every other big corp.

I think more than anything, I like Rhys best when he's a well-intentioned person (with glaring character flaws like a persistent love for the corporate life and lingering ambitions) who genuinely cares about Atlas and believes that it's the key to bettering the world he lives in- while simultaneously only REALLY managing to be, at most, a lesser evil. Someone snarky and occasionally snide, who's lightened up into the more affable, comfortable, almost silly persona we see in 3- but not missing the flaws that were definitive of his character in the past, either.

I wish we'd seen him have a stronger reaction to Katagawa Jr. and the possibility of losing Atlas, instead of the played-up-for-laughs kind of upset he displayed over things like a donut shop vs. the literal potential destruction of the company he scavenged out of a bad situation and brought back from the grave. I wanted to see him take it more PERSONALLY. To me, Atlas is in part Rhys trying to prove to HIMSELF that he doesn't need to be like Jack. It's proof and reassurance that when he tries to tell himself he's better, he's right. It's freedom from the corporate rat race he used to live in, because *he*'s in charge of it now, and he's running it with a lighter hand. To me, it's his own (flawed, yes, but I should've made that clear already) attempt to spit on everything Hyperion represented as a corporate environment.

If I'd had my way with it, honestly, I would've played a bit of a more emotional angle with the ideas Borderlands 3 lays out for you. I really love Katagawa Jr. for a lot of reasons, but one of them is the fact that he's a character that really echoes a lot of Rhys' own (past and present) character traits right back at him, and I think that should've been emphasized more. I wanted it to hurt more! Let Rhys look dead in the eyes someone who is, in many ways, eerily similar to himself- opportunistic power-grabbing and all- and realize that he's going to have to have him killed to protect what he's built for himself. I wanted him to realize that this was the only way things were ever going to turn out- because there's no happy ending when you go corporate in the Borderlands universe. It's going to be backstabbing, conflict with other manufacturers, and destruction all the way down.

Anyways I have a *lot* more to say than this (autism does that to a motherfucker)- but I see a lot of discourse? Discussion? Who knows- anyways. I see it a lot regarding Rhys, and I think my take is essentially, TLDR:

He doesn't need to be the pinnacle of evil, a new clone of Handsome Jack or someone stepping into his footsteps, just another heartless corporate fuck who underwent no character development whatsoever and is just as bad as Maliwan, or Tediore, or anyone else. He also shouldn't be reduced to "the good one". I know that Borderlands 3 itself is for the most part completely allergic to nuance, especially in character writing, but I think it's fascinating to play with the idea of a character who is trying to do their best to BE "the good one" and succeeding to some degree- while still failing to break the status quo in a way that matters. He also doesn't need to be entirely a goofy piece of shit that's obsessed with action figures, OR a conniving, snide asshole who's way too overconfident sometimes. He could've and should've been a bit of both, y'know?

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. If you read all this, you have my commendation.

[thepersistenceandthevision]

I loved the fanfic Beasts by whinlatter so much, I made an 8-tracks style playlist about it.

What makes it an 8-tracks style playlist?  Because it has 16 songs – 8 tracks for Side A and 8 tracks for Side B.  No more.  No less.

There were two songs that initially inspired this playlist, and it would have been easy to make a 5 or 6 song long playlist.  Or I could have every song that had a lyric that fit, and would have made a 20-30 song playlist.  But 16 songs exactly?  That was the challenge… and the fun. I wanted to make sure every song fit lyrically with the story and musically with each other.  Sometimes I chose covers rather than the original artist, not because I liked the song better, but because it fit with the other music. It got me to dig through old songs I half remembered and discover new artists I'd never heard before.

But I’m talking too much.  See below for each song and why I thought it fit.  Whinlatter has done beautiful work writing a story that is melancholy and hopeful, dark and funny, about characters that are broken and hurting each other and loving and strong all at the same time. I looked for songs that carried the same spirit.

“Side A” is Ginny trying, and somewhat idealizing her relationship with Harry, and everything up to New Years and their fight.  “Side B” is the fight and fear and hurting and growing and trying.

(The quotes don’t always line up in that order because sometimes characters have beautifully concise thoughts in later chapters about their earlier actions.)

Side A

i, Carrion (Icarian) // Hozier

Notes: This is one of the two songs that made me want to make a playlist.  When I first heard this song, I took all the references to flying and falling very literally and thought of Ginny struggling with Quidditch after the war.  However, after many re-listens and reading the lyrics more closely, I see this song as Harry’s and his unconscious dependence on Ginny being “light” for him, and so we start the playlist with his POV because we enter fanfics in general from the POV of the source material.

Lyric: Once I had wondered what was holdin' up the ground / But I can see that all along, love, it was you all the way down

and

 Lyric: If I should fall on that day / I only pray / don’t fall away from me

2. Dead Girl Walking // Jensen McRae

Quote: ‘And your name?’

She hesitates, a fraction too long to lie. ‘Ginny,’ she says stiffly. ‘Ginny Weasley.’

[…]

‘But [..] she – she died, didn’t she?’ he asks anxiously, turning to Tuft for clarification. ‘In the Chamber of Secrets debacle? In 1993?’

-Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

and

Sometimes I worry all I have to show for seven years of school are a lot of nightmares and bad memories. I don’t want to feel like that. I think I keep coming back because I think I can make it different, this time. 

            -Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Aches in my body like I stayed up boxing / I’m a dead girl walking / but I’ve walked this far.

Notes: Jensen McRae is a really amazing up-and-coming singer.  I love this song in particular but there are many others you should check out and enjoy!

3. Landslide // Dagny

Lyric: Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? / Can the child within my heart rise above? / Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? / Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Notes: A classic song about the struggles of growing up and life not being what you planned.  I knew I wanted this song on the playlist for a while and honestly the hardest part was figuring out if I wanted the original or a cover, and if so, which cover!  Ultimately, I went with Dagny because I thought her sound best fit with the rest of the playlist. 

4. Brooklyn // Emily James

Quote:  ‘Yeah. Sometimes. I mean – I know we joke in letters, and stuff. But it’s just – if I’m having a bad day, or it’s all a bit – much.’ His face twitches slightly. ‘I sometimes just go to a shop and buy something. That we could have in our house one day. I don’t know. It’s just nice. To buy us some egg-cups, or whatever.’

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:  When I'm alone, I hold you like a locket / Next to my heart where you'll never get lost as / We run through moments we don't know yet

and

Quote:  It’s stupid how happy it makes her, seeing him all cocky, flirting with her in the old kitchen, letting him snog her up against the rough stone walls and hoist her up on the counter top.

Beasts, Chapter 9: wintering by whinlatter

Lyric:  I wanna wake up in my sheets and your T-shirt

Notes: Just pretend the singer is daydreaming about meeting up with her boyfriend in London instead of in Brooklyn.

5. Hope – Acoustic // Tom Rosenthal, Lizzy McAlpine

Lyric:  Can you hold me from afar? / Pretend that you are closer / Keep all our memories in the jar / And place it right beside you

and

Lyric:  You are in my heart when it has hope

6. Let Light Be Light // Lizzy McAlpine

Notes: Lizzy McAlpine might win the award for the most songs that are almost perfect for this playlist, but then had one or two lines that really changed the tone.  I switched many of her songs in and out but ultimately picked “Let Light Be Light” in honor of how hard Ginny was trying to be light over Christmas.

Quote:  ‘We’ve been writing a lot. Every day, pretty much. I’ve never – with anyone – I dunno. It meant a lot to me, hearing from you. But it’s weird to think you didn’t write down anything that was actually happening to you. That you were leaving stuff out, I mean. You must have been scared. But you never said.’

She looks past him, to the crack in the door to Regulus’ room, to floorboards covered in ink. Imagines childish handwritten words on a page, the rattle of the Boggart cupboard. To the Dark Lord. Dear Tom.

‘I just find it hard,’ she says, finally. ‘To say this stuff. To write it down. How I’m feeling, what I’m scared about. Especially to someone else. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. It went so wrong, before.’

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:   I don't like getting attached / It makes me feel like I've done something bad / 'Cause I'm not dependent and I know that / So why am I scared I'm reliving / That part of my past?

7. Speak // Ben Abraham

Notes: Another song for Harry – I think this song is a great fit for the room at the top of the house by whinlatter, which serves as a little “missing moment” from Beasts.

Quote: he loves her letters. no-one’s written to him since 1996, not since sirius. and now the funniest loveliest most magical girl in the world writes him five times a week. they sail through his window, like little guiding balls of light from forever ago, pure illumination. they're the best bits of his week, her letters, paper proof of her love.

she's lying to him, though. she keeps saying she's fine. he knows that's not true.

the room at the top of the house by whinlatter

Lyric:  You're hiding like a memory / Teasing like a girl I used to know

and

Quote:  all he wants to say is: gin, stop laughing a sec. stop lying. he wants to take the box of photos off her and put it on the side and hold her hands and say come on, stop this, tell me. he imagines crouching before her, asking: what's going on? what's up with you? and what did you mean, when you said it’d be ok, if i left and did christmas without you? did you think that’s what i want? paranoid thoughts: are you trying to hurt me? why would you not tell me the truth?

the room at the top of the house by whinlatter

Lyric: I panic as you try to disappear / I reach out with my fingers / And try to pull the letters back in line / But your words spin out of order / And the pounding in my chest is out of time / And I just want to speak

8. The Archer – Live from Paris // Taylor Swift

Notes: Forgive me, I still remember listening to Taylor Swifts first album in middle school and must include her in almost all my playlists.  I think this song fits ridiculously well, though.  Look at all the parallels!

Quote: You ask Ginny Weasley if she thought of herself as a child and see what she says. By her own description, she was a combatant. She was a soldier. She had her own war to fight. 

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyric:  I’m ready for Combat // I say I don’t want this, but what if I do?

and

Quote: …she can’t bring herself to pick up the quill and tell him. It’s so lonely up here. I’m so scared about this inquiry. I’m so scared I’ll let everyone down. I’m so scared you’re going to change your mind.

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

and

Quote:  She’s sat up in her bunk, cross-legged in her old Quidditch jumper, eyes scratching from lack of sleep. Under her bare legs, the sheets are still slick from the sweat she woke up in, retching and shuddering, kicking furiously against the bedclothes. Sleep: always the first thing to go, the first comfort to leave her when storms are brewing.

Beasts, Chapter 3: nocturnal by whinlatter

Lyric:  I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost / The room is on fire, invisible smoke

and

Quote: ‘You think they tortured you so badly you think they might have broken something in your brain. ’

‘That makes it sound loads worse than it is. I don’t think that is what it is – ’

‘Like Neville’s parents.’ 

Beasts, Chapter 11: reared by whinlatter

Lyric:  All the king's horses, all the king's men / Couldn't put me together again

Side B

9. Sick of Losing Soulmates // Dodie

Quote:  ‘I wasn’t lying. It wasn’t like that, it’s not like I was trying to lie to you, to get some kick out of it – ’ 

‘No. You just didn’t tell me anything at all. Loads better.’ 

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:  Brave face, talk so lightly, hide the truth

and

Quote:  ‘All those endless letters to you, how were you ever going to feel like you could be honest with him? Having all that to deal with.’ Hermione looks exasperated. Crookshanks flexes his claws, as if to back her up. ‘You know, sometimes I think he forgets it’s not your job to drop everything and look after him.’

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Watch how a cold broken teen will desperately lean / On a superglued human of proof

Basically, Harry and Ginny are both - Lyric:  I can finally see / you’re as fucked up as me / so how do we win?

10. Talking to Myself // Gatlin

Quote: […]there’s no letter. She’s not heard from him in ten days.

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  I got used to your voice / Like it was my own / Now there's kind of a void / I'm totally fine though

11. Fear of Water // Noah Kahan

Quote: She sits down on the bed, the weight of it all hitting her all at once. Puts her head in her hands, starts to cry.

[…]

‘The inquiry. The stupid inquiry. They’re going to do it in March. It’s - it's not a big deal, I don’t know why it’s all made me feel like this – sorry, I need to get some tissues – ’

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  These tears aren't some sweet response to tragedy / Today I can't say why they fall / Honey, it's all chemical

12. Summer’s End – Spotify Singles // Phoebe Bridgers, Maria Taylor

Quote: ‘How was your Christmas, Ginny?’

Her head’s pounding. Her ankles keep buckling in these stupid boots. ‘It was shit,’ she shouts back, over the the thudding of the music, the laughter and shouting, far-off smashing of glass. ‘How was yours?’

Beasts, Chapter 9: wintering by whinlatter

Lyric:  Well I can see that you can't win for trying / And New Year's Eve is bound to leave you crying

and

Quote: There’s [a photograph] of her, one she hasn’t seen before – […] Strange, to see her own eyes soften, the scowl fall away, as she looks at the boy behind the camera, watching a feeling she has only ever felt and never seen.

Beasts, Chapter 8: bones by whinlatter

Lyric: The moon and stars hang out in bars just talking / I still love that picture of us walking

Note: The voicemail in the beginning is like a little bonus for Ginny’s forgotten birthday in Chapter 10.

Additionally, I think the resounding chorus of "come on home" can be read in multiple ways, Harry wanting Ginny to live with him, Ginny wanting her mother to pull through grief, and even Ginny talking to herself, to "come home" to her own body, which is why it's on Side B, not Side A.

13. Shine – Acoustic Version // Anna Nalick

Quote: Ginny –The inquiry is DEFINITELY happening. […] You’ll be offered anonymity for any testimony you give because you were underage. Don’t take it. The others won’t testify publicly if you don’t, you’re the one who can tell them what really happened and to properly make them fucking listen. The time for sitting on the fence is over. I want us to tell the world exactly what happened, I want to bring them down, I want them to pay for what they’ve done to us. So can you start replying to our letters please??? – Michael

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Isn’t it time you got over how fragile you are?

Note: Anna Nalick’s song is much more supportively encouraging than Michael Corner’s letter, but, alas, Ginny does not get perfect mentors, just friends and allies trying to muddle through as best they can.

14. Better Days // Menna

Lyric:  When I break in the same place /And I′ve made the same mistakes / Wonder if I'll ever change / Or my heart′s just meant to ache

and

Lyric: I know there'll be better days / Even when I don't know how

Notes: I really wanted an anthem that wasn’t a love song on this playlist, because while her romance with Harry is important in Beasts (because, after all, romance is important in real life) it’s not the whole plot.  Ginny gets to be a full person with dynamic friendships and allies and goals, and she ultimately decides to keep trying for the future in every sense – trying with school, trying with quidditch, trying with Harry, and trying with the inquiry – even when she’s not sure how any of it will turn out okay in the end.

Also, Menna is a fantastic artist!  She’s got a number of really great songs – I especially recommend Sex in Public, Dynamite, and Didn’t Peak in High School.

15. I’m A Man // Nathan Evans, Foy Vance

Notes: This was the first song that made me want to make a Beasts playlist.  In a reversal from “i, carrion”, I originally thought of this as a Harry song, but ultimately realized that it’s Ginny all the way.  Yes, the lyrics are extremely male-gendered.  But it’s Ginny’s song.

Quotes: The entire letter Ginny sends to Harry in Chapter 12 [feels too long to quote]

and

She reads through both copies of her statement again - one for the court, one for Harry.

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyrics:  I'm a man, therefore I'm proud / And I hide away all my fears and doubts / And I hope that you'll never find me out

and

I've been struggling, I've been hurt / Guess that's what I thought I deserved / I got drunk to try and pretend I didn't care / And now I'm calling you for a truce / Finally ready to tell the truth / I can face it as long as I am here with you

16. Orpheus // Sara Bareilles

Quote: [….] ‘Is all that true?’

She swallows, mouth like sandpaper, finds she can’t speak.

‘Ginny, I’m serious, what was he talking about?’

[…]

She looks over at Harry. His head is in his hands.

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyric:  You miss the world / The one you knew / The one where everything made sense / Because you didn't know the truth

and

Don't stop / Trying to find me here amidst the chaos / Though I know it's blinding / There's a way out / Say out loud / We will not give up on love now

Notes: Whinlatter’s story is still ongoing, so this last song is where I think the story is heading.  I wanted to end on a song of hard-won hope, of not everything being okay but knowing you’re going to work towards it. 

~*~

Lastly, I just want to say that reading Whinlatter’s work has been an absolutely delight, and I’ve had so much fun putting together this playlist. I hope you get some enjoyment out of it, too.

[notesfromthepalace]

How Do I Become a Princess

I realize that most of my content talks about how when I evolved as a person, my relationships with people and certain activities changed/shifted. But I had never actually went in full detail about everything I believe I have done and have been through. I was asked a question by one of our fellow readers about the following:

"How do I get past the need of wanting to be seen?"

"How to take care of yourself on a budget?''

"What do I do when I get attention deprived, especially when I start feeling lonely?"

"How do I fix the mistakes of my past while learning from them?"

We'll start with point #1: "How do I get past the need of wanting to be seen" - so looking for validation from others.

As I responded previously, all of this starts with becoming one with your creator. We are born with certain inalienable rights bestowed on us from God. I believe when I reconnected with God through fasting, morning prayer (which I really need to get back to doing daily), reading the Bible and finding a church. Literally every morning, for almost six months, that was a daily ritual, Sunday to Sunday. I believe when I started to hear God, my care for what people would say, what they thought the knew of me, did not matter. To this day, if I feel like something goes against my beliefs in God or disrespects God in anyway, I want NO parts in it because the only opinion that matters is God's opinion of me. So the validation, the need to be seen or wanting to be heard by certain people became non existent and still is. And with seeking God and not caring how people may have felt about me, I also became a mystery. No one knew where I was at or what I was doing on my free time. And absolutely no one knew about my dating endeavors. When I became one with God again, certain people who were in my friendship circles faded away, I didn't watch or listen to certain things anymore, and the people I feel God was bringing into my life better aligned with my beliefs, values and my future endeavors. Getting closer to God not only revealed what I wanted for my life personally, but financially, career wise, and even philanthropically. This is why getting closer to God is the first step, it is a domino effect of positivity and elevation in your life.

#2: Taking care of yourself on a budget

"Show me the money"

It's possible friends. Let's start with appearance.

Although I am not the biggest fan of ripped jeans - this was for a walk in the park. Now, would you believe me if I told you that the jeans and the top together were less than $30?

This dress was on sale at Express for $25.

I also bought this dress on sale from Express for $35 and the shoes were on sale at Forever 21 for $14 - I still have both of the items by the way, five years later.

I'm not going to lie, are all of my pieces these prices? No. But I learned how to be a high low shopper. Meaning that if something feels like nice enough quality but doesn't break the bank - I'm buying it. What I usually splurge on, what I'd like to call my investments are shoes, bags, jewelry, hair extensions (I prefer raw hair) and some make-up and skin care, not all. For some things, you will have to spend a pretty penny, but that's where budgeting and making sacrifices come in. For example, I chose to pay out of pocket about $2000 to straighten my teeth and close a few gaps. I was able to do a payment plan and pay $88.95 a month for two years and during that time, I chose to do my hair myself versus paying $350 for someone else to do it.

Like look at those pearly whites. Yes, fixing my teeth was an aesthetic thing, but it was also a tremendous confidence booster.

Taking care of yourself is doable. It just looks different for everyone. It is very important to asses where you are at financially, budget, and think about the things you want to do first.

And when it comes to designer items, this is my advice from a woman I met at the Louis Vuitton store:

"Don't go broke trying to buy everything at once. Start with one item. And next year buy another. There's no rush" - European woman with the most beautiful blow out.

#3: What to do when you are feeling alone/attention deprived.

Get ready for it. It's going to happen. Evolving will be lonely in the beginning and throughout the middle. You'll have people you thought were your friends label you as "fake". You won't be invited back into certain arenas and you have to be ready for that. And if your focus is on finding a boyfriend/husband - you'll definitely feel lonely for a while because as you start to demand a certain standard, the men you may have given chance after chance to will leave you because you are no longer able to be manipulated.

There's going to be lonely nights and that's where you re going to fill the void with things that are going to make you better.

When I dumped my ex, and also stopped hanging around certain people I went back to the basics and asked myself "What does Sarah like?"

Reading

Facials

Shopping

Museums

Coffee shops

5x Star restaurants

Traveling

Learning

Working out - simply to look good, I don't actually enjoy it. But I like how I feel after and cute workout sets.

So I did just that. Literally all of it. To a point where I had even picked back up on my French. And all of these things brought me into different circles of people I would have never met if I had just stuck around the normal rift raft.

These things I did for me, but they also brightened my horizons and prospects for men as well who had similar interests as I *wink wink.

#4: Fixing the mistakes from the past and learning from them.

For me, this is where the constant prayer came in. There are things about ourselves we do not believe are problems because they are learned behaviors from child hood. I had to ask God to reveal them to me, along with revealing the mistakes that I didn't know were mistakes. In the revelation came education.

Start with one mistake, fix it or learn from it or both.

Then go to the next one.

Give yourself time and grace to learn and evolve. These things do not happen over night. Not only will you feel different, but the people around you will see a difference, and you'll attract another type of crowd. A better one.

I hope I answered this well enough @lanessoul

Thank you for the question again.

Until next time Sissy Poohs.

P.S. It's always best to be celibate during this time of reflection. Sex clouds the mind and ones judgement.

With Love,

Sarah Chanel

[angelofthemornings]

IOP wasn't too bad today. I think they could sense they failed to upset me very much (they still upset me more than I've been able to upset myself in years, so all right) and now I have got a lot of homework to do over the weekend, which is especially excruciating because every day we have to talk about our homework and how it went in front of everybody and for some reason I'm convinced that no one in group therapy thinks I have OCD or even any real problems.

In reality I don't think anybody has put that much thought into me, nor do I expect they're going to in the future. I guess if someone pays attention to what I'm doing for exposures over the weeks they might get confused if they have a really classic presentation like the contamination people and not a more subtle one like I do, but if they care that's asshole behavior and a them problem (which will still set me back about 26 steps if they voice it, but fine, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it).

The challenges they set for me today were talking over my problems and symptoms with staff and I just told them, look, I can talk about my trauma and abuse or all the horrible things I've done and I can do it with a smile on my face, but if you want to make me miserable you'll have to get me to talk about stuff I have positive feelings about, especially if it's something like my good qualities or a frivolous thing I don't deserve to enjoy, because that's what makes me want to touch my forehead to a circular saw.

Like. I have the unacceptable taboo thoughts, but the thing I find unacceptable and taboo is liking myself.

(You think you can't stand yourself? You are like a little baby. Watch this. *descends into madness*)

This is sort of interesting because I've kind of coped with that by developing "just right" OCD, where I cannot do anything unless it feels just right. I can't play games or go to work or pick up my medication unless conditions are Perfect and I've convinced myself I won't be watched or humiliated or yelled at and that there is not something Fundamentally Wrong With Me that makes me so weak I'd go crazy from the overwhelm of driving a mile and half down the road to buy kitty litter. Not only are things almost never Just Right, the most annoying part is I have a drive to do compulsions, but I have yet to find a compulsion that actually fucking works and so I wander around the house listlessly putting stuff into my mouth, like food and cigarettes and alcohol and tea and gum, but none of it makes it better and I still can't play games or go to work or pick up my medication unless the wind is blowing the right way.

I don't know why the oral fixation either.

(I also worry there's something wrong with me and I'm fundamentally broken and try to work on myself by compulsively buying supplements and self-help books and reading academic texts about my various mental conditions and all that bullshit, which does calm me down a lot and is as close as I come to a successful compulsion.)

I told staff that it was probably good I never found a compulsion I found convincing because then I'd have to get rid of them and that sounds annoying, and they told me I have a good attitude about a lot of things.

Just, man, will you chill, you are not literally Hitler. First of all, he was better at art.

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

TTD - True Evil 4/4

part1 part2 part3 part 4

*

“Do you understand?”

The Not-Earbuds were taken off with shaking hands. Superhero grabbed Hero’s wrists so tight the latter let out a muffled scream of protestation.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes!”

The man looked at their grimace of pain and slowly eased their grip, their eyes intense.

“I worry about you, Hero. You seem to think that villains are nice people if only you gave them a hug. Powers are a curse. Or you can shoulder them and become a hero, or you embrace them and you end in the wrong side. That’s all there is.”

“I-”

“I know it’s hard for you to understand, it’s different for you. You have a blessing, not powers. But you have to, or the reality will catch up to you. Like me, you’ll be responsible for a death.”

“Sir, you were not responsible for any of that.”

Hero’s wrists were released at once. It was the Superhero’s turn to recoil, a wide-eyed expression on his face:

“How – How can you say that? If I'd been a little quicker, I could have caught her. If I’d never approached the monster, she might have been safe.”

His fist clenched:

“If I’d killed them, they’d never have made victims then or after.”

Hero swallowed hard:

“Sir, I’m sorry for what happened to you. Truly.”

“Save your pity for people who deserve it. I want your efficacy. Can you promise me to do your job better than you've done until now?”

“I’ll try, sir. I’ll really try.”

Two pale red eyes followed them as they left the office. It didn’t scare Hero as much as before.

*

Villain’s room was still locked when they came back. Hero knocked, but didn’t try to enter. They let their back glide along it, landing on the floor, and slipped their hand under the door. After a while, they felt fingers encircling theirs. They looked at the ceiling, their eyes gazing at a small crack in all this white.

“When I was five-year-old”, they said, “my moms told me I could put my shoes on my own. It was really hard, you know. I had two pairs, so I had to make a choice, and it killed me. I knew that no matter what I’d do, there was going to be poor little shoes under my bed in the dark all day long. My moms found me in tears the next week. They had to buy a chest to make a shoe house, and a third pair so they could have fun with each other during the day.”

“That was very prejudiced of your child self. Like your shoes would rather work all day long than spending time on their own. Like darkness was a curse.”

“I was five-year-old, buddy. I didn’t think. That’s my point, actually.”

“I didn’t realize you had one.”

“I was devastated because of shoes. I can’t even imagine how it was for you, when you saw someone die.”

Hero heard a gasp from the other side of the door, but they grabbed the hand that tried to get away from them.

“My boss told me what happened. I don’t think you’ve killed anybody.”

“These sentences don’t go together. Do not even try to tell me he changed his mind.”

“He didn’t. He’s traumatized. But I’m the one who lives with you. Even if I didn’t know any fact, I know that the person who hugs me every morning before I’m going to work and who harassed me to call a doctor when I was sick would never kill someone on purpose. Of course it was an accident. It wasn't premeditated at all.”

“It is quite a shot in the dark for someone so terrified of it.”

“I was five. I got better.”

“How naive. Just because someone pretends to bear with you doesn’t mean they’re unable to murder anyone.”

Hero squeezed their roommate’s hand.

“But I’m right,” they whispered. “I’m sure I’m right.”

Villain struggled to get free and this time, they let go. After a few minutes, the lock clicked. Hero moved back from the door, staring as it opened. Villain looked at them back. For once, their shadow didn’t cover their head altogether, leaving two pale green eyes in sight, coldly glaring.

“I didn’t even see her run into traffic,” they simply said. “There were ants in the tree. I was too busy to fight with the little creatures eager to invade my very own personal space.”

Hero jumped on their feet:

“I knew it!”

“You seem suspiciously relieved for someone who pretended to be certain.”

“Hmm - it’s the ants. Everybody hates ants.”

“You are such a dreadful liar.”

Nevertheless, Villain grumpily accepted the hug.

*

Check the These Two Dorks Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with this Hero and Villain. This is how they met and now they’re roommates.

Or back to Hero x Villain Masterlist.