#back in my $b era bc of course i am

[literalfuckingfreak]

LIFE UPDATES. ILL BE POSTING MORE ART SOON THO.

[literallyjusttoa]

Ok I have just been scrolling on your blog for like ages now and I just wanna say that I find your greek mythology rants literally so interesting bc a) they are so informative and when reading them it's obvious your dedicated abt it and b) I just love the way you write??? There's so much passion and it makes reading all your posts so interesting. I just love the info dumps especially bc I really want to know more abt greek mythology but I just don't have the time + have no idea where to start finding this information.

Plus I just really really love your art. It's so adorable?? I love your style and the way you draw your characters I just want to bundle them all up and never let go like I am literally etching every last bit into my brain.

Anyways I hope this doesn't seem like weird ☀️

These are like the kindest compliments, thank you!!!!

I'm so glad my passion for mythology comes through in my writing bc I do care so much about greek mythology and like mythology in general, if I thought I could make it in academia I would totally get a job in mythology research it is one of my favorite things. AND! I have a couple of resources I would totally recommend for a good place to start researching!

Theoi.com: oml this is such a phenomenally good resource for greek mythology. It has a whole bunch of different information and all of it is linked back to it's original source from antiquity. I will say that the writing on the website can be a bit dense, but it's not horrible and I could not recommend this site enough as a source for information.

If you have the money to buy a book I would recommend getting a copy of the Apollodorus' Library. This is a collection of mythography (It's like a mythological dictionary) that is thought to have been written around 2nd century BC. So, two plusses. 1. It's a primary source. 2. It has a lot of myths in a small package. Obviously, the original book is in ancient greek, which I sadly have not learned to read, but there are a lot of really good translations in english that are readily available. The one I have was translated by R. Scott Smith and Stephan M. Trzaskoma, and it's really cool because it also has the translated Hyginus' Fabulae, which is also mythography but this time it's roman. So like, two in one go! Woop woop!

After these two resources, I would recommend going trying to find resources that go more in depth on whatever myth catches your eye. Of course, that could be anything, so I can't really offer up a certain book or website for that, but I can give a couple of tips I use when looking into potential sources of information!

Primary resources!!! Always look for primary resources!! These are the sources that are actually from ancient greece, and have little to no additions from an author. I know these sources are usually more dense and harder to get through, but I think it's good to have an understanding of the original myth before you start looking at other people's interpretations of that myth, just so you don't get their thoughts confused with the actual original text. If you're having trouble figuring out if a book or site is a good primary research, search it up and look for reviews! Usually there's at least a couple people talking about how good the source is academic-wise.

I would always encourage researching ancient greek and roman history alongside researching mythology. These myths did not exist in a vacuum, and a lot of the time certain myths and stories are the direct result of the culture and politics of the era. I think the connections between greek mythology and history give you a greater understanding of both topics, and is always a good step!

(Also just my bias showing, but greek art history!!! is so good!!! and tells you so much about the culture!!! and then roman art history is also great!!! Because you get to see how the artists of rome used the cultural and artistic values of greece to create meaning and influence the people!! Like, Octavian purposefully had himself sculpted in a hellenistic style so that people would be less worried about him ruling from such a young age?? That's so interesting!!! I love art history!!!!)

I will say a lot of this does take a lot of time (I only really have time to research now bc it's summer so i'm not in college ;-;) but I really think it's such an interesting field, as you can probably tell by how long this was.

[mischas]

i wish i could celebrate this mischa and ben thing the way i did when jennifer aniston and david schwimmer admitted they crushed on each other while doing friends but ughhhh it's honestly REALLY annoying to me that they had to be yeaaars apart in age bc i genuinely thought they were adorable back then, but also she was still so young too, it's not like their age gap was in lieu of she was 25 and he was 33 or whatever if you get what i mean. and i can also acknowledge that they had great chemistry (of course) but ://// sigh

I'm taking a day or two to bask in being right because it makes everything slot into place when it comes to Mischa's on-set treatment that has been on my mind since 2021 (if not 2009 when I first watched the show). Everything fits now and it makes every single higher-up look horrendous. It also makes the book look even more farcical than it already did.

The Jen/David revelation was so cute! Yeah it's usually every shipper's dream to get the revelation I got yesterday. I'm still processing. I think... I think there was a lot of rightful pearl clutching going on yesterday but a lot of this was actually (now we know) accurately reported on in the press in 2003/2004. And I don't have access to that much more publicly available info than most people but even I knew back in the 2010s as a high schooler that their chemistry was fire in s1 and nothing in s2/s3 with the exception of some eras. And chemistry doesn't just change from vibes. So yes I'm being annoying about being right but this was out there. And it's really not ~that~ shocking for 2003. I'm most shocked Mischa said it aloud. I thought she'd hint at it until I reached middle age.

B** deserves a million lashings but so does Patrick Rush (casting director), Josh, Stephanie, Bob, McG, and all those faceless execs who knew and encouraged it for a time. I'm very, very mad that MISCHA ended up being ostracized for it in both the script and on-set dynamics. Jesus H !!! That is so beyond messed up and I am unraveling it in time. The book is a piece of garbage for countless reasons but now I have to reevaluate basically every section to see how they covered this gaping hole up. Execs being called to set, Steph talking shit about Mischa's later boyfriends, the unbelievable way they constantly talk around her, the sober coach, the reason why Josh kept RM apart for so long in s2, M/B chemistry tests never once being mentioned, etc.

[burins]

more JLI post dump! this'll be issues 6-10

6:

i know this reads different in 1987 but also i DO like it for dinah. also like of course she's friends with bruce

the rest of 6 is a lot of big-scale dr fate stuff which i know is DeMatteis' wheelhouse but which i also don't particularly care about.

7! we are now officially justice league international because the united nations choose to ratify the league. reagan is here! i warned you!

the fact that clark has to talk to reagan regularly, in the course of superhero comics, is so much for me to contemplate.

A) i think it's SO funny that bruce has a special earless cowl for going to space and wearing headphones. i realize this may just be an artistic mistake but i'm choosing to believe it's a deliberate costume choice

B) cold-war era comics!!!!!! really truly the geopolitics of superhero comics are fascinating to me. i have to do some digging to see what's been written on them

i capped this whole panel but i really just want everyone to focus on beetle. this is how you know he's queer is that in each issue he invents a new, gayer way to sit

LIKE

ok in issue 8 the league are moving into their NY and Paris embassies. as you might expect. shenanigans ensue!!

j'onn. ilu

J'ONN!!! ILU!!!!!

unfortunately for the next few issues the scans they put into hoopla are preeeetty rough in terms of quality (and so are the scans on the other website i sometimes use) so some of the dialogue is a little hard to read.

batman seems to have punched guy into a personality transplant. instead of a miserable he-man reaganite he's become like, pollyanna. it's extremely funny and frankly, as much as i enjoy him being a heel, nice to read him not sounding like clint eastwood.

booster and beetle (at the paris embassy) go out to hit on women. #justbrothings. booster strikes out very very badly with a woman he later learns is their local liaison. whoops!!

mister miracle crashes a helicopter through the NY building. also once again i love j'onn!!!!

we also learn about the (actually international) superteam the JLI are supplanting. sorry y'all. also very funny that we have this international superteam and then one year later we're going to get the wildly ill-fated new guardians. sometime i'll do a whole separate post on the new guardians except i don't really want to bc it would require me to reread that series,

9:

everyone is being mindcontrolled by the manhunters! i will admit that i do NOT know the difference between these manhunters and j'onn's manhunter situation. i will presumably learn this at some point.

guy is having a great time being personality-swapped and so am i

it is also time for feminism jokes. alas.

i DO love an ear joke though. more people should make fun of batman's ears they are objectively so so silly

we're also starting to get some good and ominous setup of a maxwell lord subplot. jli! it's not just jokes!

10: we're chasing the manhunters to space!

i'm learning so much about hawkman, a character i know nothing about. for instance. he is a cop???

also arisia is here. i have heard of her and her plotline. 😬 this issue comes out also several months before the writers finally let her and hal break up, but it's not a big plot point in the issue aside from one panel. uhhh csa/grooming cw if you go digging into that plotline? idk it's bad

cut to the manhunters BIRTHING CHAMBER?? this is explicitly how it's described. clark burns up the baby manhunters with his heat rays (fine! normal!) and the parent gets pissed and leaves.

i forgot to mention that this is the intro of gnort, who is a green lantern nepo baby.

i love him.

cut back to earth, where scott and ted are having shenanigans!

even editorial is bullying ted for his japes and jokes... he's my special little clown

[scenetocause]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

i got tagged by @verycoolwearsleather and now i have to pretend i have a writing process haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

it says 52 but there's actually a lot more due to orphaning/anon-ing things.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345,519 but again i'm not sure how much tha's counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

gross f1 twinks

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

just telling it like it is (lando/maxv)

pretty sure this is just cus it's the oldest fic i have since the account reboot because it absolutely does not merit being anywhere near the top 10 lol it's just a 5+1 about other mando being obvious (it's anon'd cus i got bored of a load of my fics and didn't want them as part of the emptyhalf canon anymore)

every colour illuminates (george/lando)

for something i started writing offhand cus some of my friends were saying there should be more trans men in f1 fic, this one sure grew legs. i'm still insanely moved by the comments it gets and the way it seemed to resonate with people. i'm not sure i can really convey how dumb i actually am in a way that'd make people believe me but i really did just write this on vibes and it's one of the things i can say i'm genuinely glad i did. idk, it's just queer porn really but maybe we need more of that.

(i) just wanna get a little bit closer (mando)

you know i don't even think this is close to my best mando fic (personal choice is no plans of staying on) so there's no accounting for taste and you absolutely should practice death of the author or whatever. anyway, it's mando cohabitation era boundary breakdown stuff where they fuck and then go on a date about it.

shoreline i see when i'm off course (loscar, mando)

people rly are thirsty for a/b/o huh. how'd this little fic get into the top five so quickly?

the usual, upside down (alex/george/lando)

literally THEE most head empty omegaverse threesome fic in history y'all are horny as fuck. it literally only got written bc george did some dumb insta post where he called lando and alex his mates and also then was walking around looking horny af in the black fireproofs and mask when he stood in for lewis. there is NO nutritional content here even by the fast food standards of emptyhalf fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i uh. i should. i would like to but my brain is quite severely broken. i do read them all and i bookmark a lot in open tabs to come back to and reply to because they mean a lot but then i have 6000 tabs open and no executive function.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

we don't do that here. i guess maybe if you dig into the far distant past then it was probably i'm not just a fuck up, i'm the fuck up you love which is 18k words of jev not really getting over daniel that ends on a sort of optimistically blasted-open note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them are happy but probably actually pick me up, no headlights where george and max end up with their weird little family worked out and the kids are doing well, y'know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no i don't think enough people read them to beef me lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahaha oh yea. i like to think i write something along the lines of realistic queer sex, with the way that means it's mostly kind of funny and sometimes awakward and isn't elegant or arch or even particularly romantic except that you're getting to do it with the person you do it with. writing lando and oscar being straight with each other, even if it's in a cringe fail way, made me realise i really do not write straight people and i feel a bit like one of those painfully hetero actors who does a gay kissing scene and talks about how they had to get themselves in the mindset by watching the l word or whatever haha. what do straight people do? who are they?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was gonna say no but then i remembered i wrote logan and oscar going ghosthunting and being kinda pass-agg horny about it because. idk? logan gave me ryan bergara vibes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think someone reposted some of mine awhile ago and it got dealt with before i really knew anything about it idk

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't know tbh. someone made a podfic of one of my fics a way back.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah i used to do that quite a lot but now. i am a lone wolf. (too perverse for other people's minds)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

jenson/lewis but society has never been ready for this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't. i don't wanna let doubt enter into it but my daniel goes to fe fic is up against a number of the dark souls boss level demons in my own brain 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i uh. i can write on my phone? i have a relaxed attitude to whether what i write is any good at all? i don't actually think i really have any.

people quite often say i have a lot of emotional intelligence in my fics which is very funny to me because i am a deeply unemotionally intelligent person so idk how that's happened really.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

look we could be here all day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i guess it has never bothered me so long as the reader could be reasonably expected to work out the meaning from the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cardcaptor sakura (i was 14)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm. in terms of thinking it's like, good or whatever it's probably don't say no or you'll have to go, the fucked up valtteri/george mutual seat envy/horror of being compared to lewis hamilton thing. or really, it's an old spy au fic called ten seconds before sunrise that i deleted ages ago so: sorry about that.

but favourite is probably some dumb mando shit or i have extreme recency bias so maybe logan and oscar go ghosthunting or whatever. oh wait, no, it's genders maxy the how-to-find-your-identity-post-racing-in-your-pussy treatise that was born of crack but ended up. no, it's still crack. anyway, classic emptyhalf shit tbh.

[nineliabilityrisk]

⭐

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @muutos ]

this one took a while to get to bc i realized how much i wanted birdie to interact with some of ur muses and then got distracted with trying to set up her blog and stuff but im here to answer this now hopefully . my brain is still all over the place please excuse me

[formatting is "your muse - my muse(s) i would like to see with them"]

vanessa - sb verse mikey :] torment this little shit. because the concept of these two interacting is so fucking hilarious im so happy the movie brought it up and this way it doesnt even have to be movieverse. also i NEED her and birdie to interact so so so bad im trying so hard to finish up birdies sideblog its taking forever but i wanted the chance to give them a lil separate space to themselves. uh who else. i have glambun and cassie of course, she can have fun with them, and joshton also has a sb verse!! i know i never talk about him but id love love love to introduce him with vanessa or one of ur other muses

henry emily - cmon. i love your henry so much id willingly throw literally ANY of my muses at him i <3 him. ive already spent eons talking abt how much i love the potential dynamic between him and michael because i DO, so so so much. also just like i said to nic, he can interact with literally any of my animatronics whenever. i NEED interactions with him and lefty there is something so personal about those two. and of course ciarán goes without saying. your henry already gave him too much attention (like. literally one [1] positive sentence so far) and hes already hooked. good luck getting rid of that fucker. hes never letting go. sorry you shouldve known better than to be sweet with him (/lh)

mangle - im ngl i would love to have interactions with them and one of my withered animatronics. or jeremy, yknow,,, before Shit Goes Bad. could be fun. joshton Also has a verse where he works in the fnaf 2 location because i just kinda stick him wherever he would fit so if you wanna use it to traumatize the poor little minimum wage worker go right ahead i think itd be real funny

freddy fazbear - b..bonnie... thats it just bonnie i want the classic duo back i dont care what era. also if you want him to torment mike or josh theyre always up for it, as has been mentioned multiple times

roxanne wolf + glamrock freddy - lumping them together because theyd be interacting with about the same characters. same list as vanessa!!! its so funny because i wasnt interested in sb at ALL before ruin / interacting with you and ur little corner of the rpc and now im. fucken entangled in it. help.

vincent demarco - weve talked abt my interest in him before but like i said every time you rb some musings about him or something i go a little insane. also did you know his birthday is literally one day before mine i just realized it when i checked his bio page. anyway i really wanna toss like. ciar or josh or someone at him at some point just to see what would happen. he just intrigues me i just wanna see whats goin on in that brain of his idk idk

these arent really specific muse matchups but. every time i see you play like. stu or gwen or ar'alani i lose my mind a little and get reminded of all the muses from their medias i could pick up but i have to stop myself bc thats so much WORK. the star wars fixation would be enough to overpower it and make me find someone to interact with ar'alani if it werent for the fact that i havent managed to get my hands on the thrawn books yet and ive never watched star trek so i dont know anything about your interpretation and it makes me so so so upset. anyway this is an open offer (that may not make sense if you havent watched star wars rebels) but if you would like i would pick up ezra bridger to interact with her in a HEARTBEAT. it wouldnt matter how fucking clueless i am because hes clueless as shit too. i am so so sorry if this sounds overbearing or something i do NOT mean for it to be i have just been wanting to play these star wars muses for YEARS now. the star wars community is just so much more terrifying than this little group here. so the fact that someone that i know and trust and have written with before has even Somewhat of a star wars muse has. driven me a little bit insane. (/pos) this is all /nf of course im just. yeah 👍 this probably makes no fucking sense im sorry i am unwell about star wars

[tittytania]

Finding ChristBorg: A TED talk about what happened during the Coldharbour Compact.

Reposted from my tes reddit bc I want to see what y’all think.

I can't tell if I'm a genius, completely insane, or if I'm just late to the lore-party. Time to find out I guess. TL;DR at the bottom.

So it has never been explained what Sotha Sil did during the Coldharbour Compact to convince the daedric princes to not manifest on Nirn without an intermediary, and it probably never will be since the mystery of it all is far too cool. But that doesn't mean I can't read into it like literature and look for meaning in the other texts I can compare it to.

To start, Vivec is based off of the Shakta variation of the half female/half male Ardhanarishvara, where the gold-skinned female half is the right side. Both Vivec and Ardhanarishvara represent unity and duality, and looking at some images of Ardhanarishvara, it's kinda hard to argue that Vivec wasn't based off of them. Kirkbride even confirmed that Ardhanarishvara was the inspiration for Vivec in an AMA. Now, Vivec is part of the god trio the Almsivi Tribunal, along with Almalexia and Sotha Sil. Shiva, who Ardhanarishvara is the avatar of, is also part of a god trio, called the Trimurti in Hinduism. So it would make sense if the other members of the tribunal are also based off of one member of a real world religious triad. I have a shaky idea of who Almalexia could be, but my theory for her god-inspiration is nowhere near as solid as my theory for Sotha Sil, who I believe is based on Jesus Christ.

To start, their characterizations have multiple similarities. Both are one branch of a god-triad, with Sotha Sil as part of the Tribunal, and Jesus as The Son in the Holy Trinity. Both serve as a teacher, with Jesus being referred to as Teacher several times in the Bible, and Sotha Sil giving lessons on magic and Mysticism to the Psijic Monks. Also, both are characterized as wise, patient, and celibate. They both talk about moral and philosophical concepts with their followers, neither Jesus nor Sotha Sil are shown as having a temper or raising their voices, and neither of them are shown with a spouse or partner. Sotha Sil is specifically shown as not caring about the Night Mother's attempts to sexually manipulate him in book seven of 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Now I know that 2920 is considered a work of historical fiction in-universe, but I don't think that matters in this situation since I'm approaching this as a person reading a text, not as a person living inside the lore world.

In terms of specific scenes that connect Sotha Sil and Jesus, the first I will mention is that they both use a makeshift whip to beat intruding wrongdoers and drive them away, while yelling about fathers. In the Truth in Sequence vol. 8 book, it says that "[t]hrough His will alone, Mighty Seht wound the veins (of metal ore) into god-bronze whips, and lashed the Prince pitilessly," saying "[b]ehold the wrath of lost Ald Sotha! Know death at my hands, false-son of a false-father!" In the Bible, Jesus found people doing sales in a place of worship, and then He "made a whip of cords, (and) He drove them all out of the temple," saying “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” (John 2 15-16).

Also, Jesus had close friends and followers who were called his apostles, and Sotha Sil has his own Clockwork Apostles. Sil's apostles reside in the Clockwork Basilica, and while basilica isn't an exclusively Christian term, it is frequently used to describe a type of church architecture, and is a term the pope uses to recognize distinguished churches.

Another similarity that I found was in the plot of Morrowind, where Sotha Sil's death was caused at the hands of Almalexia, who was someone he had once loved and trusted, much like with Jesus and Judas.

The most notable life similarity as it relates to the Coldharbour Compact is that both leave the earthly world in order to make a deal for the benefit of the souls on earth, and then return to the earthly world. This parallel is given extra weight with the descriptions of the scene in the book 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Sotha Sil returns from Coldharbour by way of someone "rolling aside the great boulder that blocked the entrance to the Dreaming Cavern. This sounds a lot like the scene in the bible of the discovery that Jesus had risen from the dead, where "an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door" (Matthew 28:2). In addition, Jesus said "after He is killed, He will rise [on] the third day," (Matthew 17:23) and after Sotha Sil returned from Coldharbour, he "felt he had been away for months, years, but only a few days had transpired." Perhaps it had been 3?

In addition to the life and behavior similarities, there are similarities in dress. In the 2920 book, Sotha Sil is always described as wearing a white robe or cloak. In ESO, Sotha Sil is shown as barefoot, and wearing a blue sash over his long white robe. In medieval and renaissance art, Jesus is most always depicted as barefoot, and is frequently shown with a blue cloth over his shoulder. In most resurrection art, as well as in almost all 20th/21st century art, Jesus is depicted as dressed in white. While Jesus usually isn't usually shown wearing both the blue sash and the white robe at once like Sotha Sil is, I found one modern interpretation of Jesus that does dress him this way, and several depictions of him in Chinese art that also portray him like this.

I'm feeling almost conspiratorial here, but these similarities are far too many for me to think it's accidental, and therefore I have to think that all of this is meant to suggest that Sotha Sil serves a Christ-figure role in his story, i.e. in sacrificing own life like Jesus did in order to make his deal in the Coldharbour Compact. However I don't think Sil's sacrifice was quite so simple. After he is asked what he offered the Daedra in return for the deal, he states: "The deals we make with Daedra... [s]hould not be discussed with the innocent." This implies that in contrast to the Christ mythos, Sil's sacrifice was not blameless; he did not come out of the deal with his hands clean.

So, a Christ-like sacrifice that isn't quite as pure and selfless as it is in Christianity. What could that be?

My theory is that in order to make the Coldharbour Compact, he sold the lives of Vivec and Almalexia along with his own. Perhaps he told the princes that he knew the tribunal's godhood would end, and in exchange for their cooperation he promised not to tell the other tribunes or make any attempt to prevent his and his companions' demise. (After all, as far as I know he made the mechanical heart for keeping his city functional, not for recreating the divinity the heart of Lorkhan provided.) Or, maybe he offered to do something to assist in bringing the Tribunal down, and losing Sunder and Keening, the tools that helped them maintain their divinity, was intentional on his part. Sil deliberately sacrificing his own life appears to be reflected in Azura's statement after his death. She said "he shed his mortality long ago, and I am certain his death was no small relief to him." Of course she'd know that he let go of his life ages ago if he had willingly sold it to her. Of course she would be certain that he found his death to be a relief, if she'd heard him say so himself when he was explaining why a god would ever offer such a deal.

It would also make sense with Sotha Sil's character, since he allegedly loved the people on Nirn more than Almalexia or Vivec did, and the destruction of Gilverdale could have definitely been a traumatic enough reminder of the destruction of Ald Sotha for him to do something dramatic to prevent it ever happening again. And guilt over sacrificing his friends could have definitely been a contributing factor to the worsening self-isolation and intense depression in his later life. It would also be a definite explanation for why he apparently never met another soul in the 10 years between losing the tools and his death. Not only had he become extremely disillusioned with the imperfections of the world, he had now finalized the deal he made so long ago, and saw no point in continuing to interact with a deeply flawed world he was essentially finished with.

However, I do see some issues with this and how it would work in-universe. Namely the fact that Hermaeus Mora's seekers said the prince received something from every individual on Nirn as part of the deal, which is quite different from what I'm suggesting. A different deal for each prince would also explain why Sil was able to include Clavicus Vile and Mephala in the compact at a much later date. There would be no reason for Vile and Mephala to submit to a collective deal whose terms had already been decided. So if he offered the tribunal's lives as part of the deal, he would have needed to offer other things as well. But for me the most significant in-universe issue I struggled with was that using his death as a bargaining tool would create a massive problem for his ability to enforce the deal in the future. This could explain why both Molag Bal and Mehrunes Dagon manifested on Nirn after Sotha Sil's death, but since I think they were summoned by qualified mortals that could have been a loophole. Either way, making a deal that is meant to last forever by promising something that can never be taken back in the case of a breach of contract seems extremely short-sighted for someone who claims to be cursed with certainty. Especially considering how many of the princes there were known to be cheats and liars.

Unless, that is, you believe this theory I read about the reason why Sil was completely silent as he was killed. My original belief was that he was silent because he'd seen it coming long ago, and knew that nothing he could have said would have changed Almalexia's mind. And while that would be in character for him, now I'm starting to think that it was because he had already uploaded his consciousness elsewhere. This would fit in with the Christ-figure parallels, due to the Christian belief that Jesus is risen from the dead and very much alive. While Jesus returned to life at the same time he emerged from the cave, the completion of Sotha Sil's death sacrifice didn't happen until long after his return via the cave. While I have found no explicit evidence that he's still around, when you find his body in Morrowind he is shown hanging, with his arms outstretched at his sides, in a sort of crucifixion pose. And after the crucifixion comes the resurrection. Perhaps Sotha Sil is still around somewhere in the gears of his city, and he promised the princes he'd never be present or have any influence on Nirn so long as they kept up their end of the deal. Additionally, the 37th sermon of Vivec mentions Sotha Sil as holding "his swollen belly," carrying "[his] daughter." While Vivec's sermons are hardly ever literal, Kirkbride's comments suggest that maybe Vivec was being somewhat literal in this instance. Regarding this concept art, Kirkbride said "note the cosmic baby growing inside Sotha Sil. While Sotha Sil is dead as we saw in the add-on pack “Tribunal”, the child survived." Perhaps one of Sotha Sil's many body modifications made him able to carry and birth a child, and then he created a daughter through self-cloning or some other method that allows him to have enough influence to enforce the compact.

TL;DR - Sotha Sil has a lot of similarities with Jesus, so he's a Christ figure and therefore his sacrifice in the Coldharbour Compact was himself, and Almalexia and Vivec too, and that also means that he may still be around.

Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry if this sounds like I'm putting red strings on a wall as my application essay to the r/SothaSimps fan club. Also, lmk if I'm missing anything obvious. For me right now Reading Lore On The Bedroom Floor is a bit more manageable than playing the games, and there may be something I've just completely looked over.

[michelemoutons]

and at last, the post that maybe three people maximum have been waiting for...

em's comfort retro rally videos: a masterlist!

in a much-needed return to this blog's roots, and as an antidote to all motorsport- and life-related chaos, i now present to you: the first edition of em's favorite retro rally videos!

general disclaimer/info: these videos mainly come from the group B era of the world rally championship (wrc), which generally speaking was in the '80s. i am only human, so expect a lot of bias toward my personal favorites...which will become very apparent as you read this list hehe. also i'm not even gonna pretend to be an expert on this or anything. a lot of these are literally just based on Vibes

table of contents

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

mainly coverage for television, recorded on VHS and uploaded to YouTube by some truly incredible people

ii. honorable mentions

not rally coverage, but retro rally videos nevertheless

often documentaries, mini-doc features, interviews

for all videos, i have indicated the language (most are in english fyi); if any links fail or videos disappear, send me an ask or DM and i'll remove the culprit/find an alternative link.

and now, onward!

(TW for occasional flash photography in many of the night sequences of the videos, as well as a gif included in this post)

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

in which my bias toward audi sport, mouton/pons, mikkola, toivonen, and vatanen are put on blast for all to see 🥴 i am not an expert in anything i am just very good at research and a whore for aud—[SNIPED]. for the sake of brevity, i narrowed my favorites down to 5. maybe another time i will share all the rest!

also, a general note about the commentary: sometimes, the commentary around michèle and fabrizia can get... weird. keep in mind, they were the most prominent female team partnership around that time, and the first to nearly clinch a wrc wdc, and to modern ears, the commentators really didn't know how to act around them. personally, it wasn't horrible for me, i just ignored the weirder bits, but i understand if others might find it off-putting. also for the sake of your sanity don't read the comments.

5. Rally of the 1000 Lakes, 1984 | finland

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/alén/toivonen (full final results)

comments: this was definitely a rally for most of audi sport's drivers to forget: bar stig blomqvist, who came quite close to the podium finishers with a 4:14:01 to henri toivonen's 4:12:57! both hannu mikkola and michèle mouton had to retire from the race, which may lead you to wonder: why does this rank among my favorites? well, it's always fun to watch group b rally cars sailing through the air against picturesque scenery, and this video also contains an intriguing (at least for me!) look at the scrutineering process, with drivers at their most casual.

owie :( they were fine though!

4. Lombard RAC Rally, 1981 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/vatanen/blomqvist (full final results)

comments: hannu winning by 11 whole minutes even after rolling his car in the middle of the forest is actual legend behavior! anyway this was michèle's first wrc outing in britain, and even though she and fabrizia had to retire, they still did quite well, consistently running high in the leaderboards after the first few stages. and that's considering the fact that michèle had a bad cold for much of the rally and had to ask fabrizia to drive the car to service park for her at one point bc she was so tired. which fabrizia did... with a pencil in her mouth. lot of big names in one video—also, jean todt makes an appearance as a co-driver!

shamelessly poached off of one of my text post edits

3. Marlboro Safari Rally, 1983 | kenya

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/mikkola/mouton (full final results)

comments: ok can i just say how stunning the video presentation is?? the opening sequence is just!!! the shots of the wildlife! the sprinting giraffes! wow! anyway the visual of drivers in deck chairs just tickles me for no reason, and michèle please tell me what you ask for at the hairdresser's and also where you got that orange blouse (this is obviously not just specific to this rally, she always eats and leaves no crumbs). this was michèle's first entry and only finish in kenya (and of course it was a podium mwah). it was also her last wrc entry in the A1 quattro, as she switched to the A2 for the rest of her program in the '83 season. also this is one of my favorite podium pictures ever.

lksdjffnnkd there's almost too much to unpack... fabrizia somehow surviving in high waist jeans in a hot car... michèle's do-it-yourself shorts... this podium picture was the subject of a very frantic video chat conversation between myself and a friend at 2am a few months ago

2. Rallye de Portugal, 1982 | portugal

links: short recap (eng) | overall coverage 1, stuck in the middle of two other rallies. timestamps in descrip. (eng) | overall coverage 2, very vibey with cool music (ita... also peep walter röhrl speaking italian)

podium: mouton/eklund/wittmann (full final results)

comments: GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AAAA! michèle's first podium of '82 being a win? this rally being the one where there's footage of her going shopping with fabrizia afterward? (more on that later) them winning by 13 whole minutes? and that's not even considering THEE most poetic victory ceremony of all time! in fact let me talk about that bc the racing and the win aside, that's why it's so high up on my list! literally poetic cinema! it's night, they're standing on top of the car and floodlit and surrounded by cheering crowds but they may as well be the only ones there in their own little world, laughing at each other and barely even having to look to each other when they're raising their hands—like god! shut up! we get it you're besties 😭

i_just_think_theyre_neat.png

and now... last but certainly never least...

1. Lombard RAC Rally, 1982 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/mouton/toivonen (full final results)

comments: firstly, if you were to ask me about my dream podium, this would be it. hands down, across all series of motorsport, my comfort podium would be hannu, michèle, and henri in any order. (there's such a cute picture of them from this rally on pinterest, standing in order on a staircase. henri is not looking at the camera because he is laughing at something michèle is saying and it's such a Vibe but i cannot find it wah). the battle for second between michèle and henri ran down to literally the last stage, and their times are separated by seconds, which is just wild to me. the context of this rally deserves another post, which i honestly don’t have the energy to make rn, but just take my word for it that it threatens to destroy me if i think about it too hard! anyway this is just such an awesome rally and i’ve watched this video so many times haha

i love this rally so much that i actually had a character in a story i was writing attend the ceremony captured in this picture as a small child and made it a formative moment in her life. no, there is nothing wrong with me.

ii. honorable mentions

(is it obvious who my faves are? yikes)

'Group B - Avec Michele Mouton' (eng) - taken from a longer feature presentation about group b, a segment specifically about michèle. a friend once described its vibes as ‘a synth wave edit of an 80s anime set in a cyberpunk world about racing’

'1983 Audi Sport National Rally with Michele Mouton' (eng) - in which michèle takes journalist sue baker as a co-driver for a spin in an A1 and a rally win. fun behind-the-scenes video

'Intervista a Fabrizia Pons, la Regina delle Note' 1, 2, 3 (ita) - very thorough interview which is mostly fabrizia telling all sorts of stories, including the very entertaining story of how she found out she was going to be michèle’s co-driver. also what a badass title

'2008 Otago International Classic Rally' (eng) - THE BESTIES REUNITE THE BESTIES REUNITE!!! michèle and fabrizia reunite for a rally that fabrizia convinced michèle to join, they suffer some problems but there are plenty of wholesome bestie moments to be had

'Michele Mouton hurls Group B Audi Quattro up Goodwood hill' (eng) - i mean, self explanatory. the sound of the chirping tires? asmr could never. very short watch if you want a quick pick-me-up

'1990 Louise Aitken-Walker feature' (eng) - a video featuring a female rally driver from scotland and her point-scoring run at the rallye monte -carlo. i am convinced that louise was john finnemore’s inspiration or at least an influence for the character of linda fairbairn. no my hat is not made of tin foil what are you talking about

hannu rocketing around michigan back in 2017 (eng)

hannu flying around goodwood in 2015 (eng)

sometimes i listen to fabrizia's recent onboards (yes, she's still at it!) and this one is one of my favorites, from 2016 (ita)

[mego42]

Writer’s Tag ✍️

Tagged by: @daydreamstew approx 45,000 years ago (my b i’m not doing so good with punctual these days but ty 😘)

Most popular fic (most kudos):

a song inside the halls of the dark thanks to the multichapter cheat code

Best fic:

mmmmmm imo your monster looks like mine. i had a v clear and v complicated picture of what i wanted this fic to be and i think i nailed it which is an incredibly satisfiying feeling esp considering i distinctly remember melting down to @foxmagpie over not thinking i’d be able to. plus it’s actually kind of hard to write a 12K sex scene without mentally chafing.

Favorite fic:

all of them, tbh. i love them all for different reasons but okay top 5:

your monster looks like mine: cheating, already talked about this one

what a pretty place to fall: this fic was so much fun to write, i had a lot of fun going back to pilot-era and thinking through how beth and rio’s voices and relationship would change vs be the same without all of their baggage

listening through the air shaft: i love love love outsider pov and it was super fun to tackle and tbh dean pov is one of my favorite things i’ve ever written, it was a v neat challenge to get into the head of a character i did not like at all and find a sympathetic thread

a song inside the halls of the dark: i feel like i can’t pick a favorite without mentioning song the sprawling bonkers baby that lived in my head for over a year. i’ve never written anything of this scope and i learned SO! MUCH! about plotting/pacing/planning and what makes a long-form, multi-chapter story work over the course of it

there’s blood in my body (i’m holding on): not a gg fic but this one is always going to hold a special place in my heart, not just bc it’s my first ever AU

Least favorite:

all of the half drafts haunting me from my wip folder. i don’t want to talk about it.

tagging: @foxmagpie @pynkhues @bethsuglywigs @hypermania  @riosnecktattoo @sanssssastark ignore me if you guys have already played i have been extremely sporadically present or play again if it strikes your fancy! idk! i am not the boss of you!

[lunetual]

ok this will be fun :>

for e'last (ofc) :: 11 & 17

for wanna one (...ofc) :: 2 & 6 PLEASE <3

hi eri bestie !! ;alskdfjlasdk so true theee beloveds huh... ofc ofc under the cut to spare the dash :') thank u for sending in and thank u for starting game night as always hehe

game night... send me a kpop group + a number :)

e'last + 11. What do you love about this group?

wahhh what don't i love!! eri i know you Get It like... when you're like... oh... ult group incoming... and then suddenly they live in your heart. but to quantify it as much as i can: i also love their theatricality, as you mentioned! and i love the grand sweeping orchestral style of their title tracks; it's something that's less common in the kpop landscape and they do it well. i think their choreography is always beautiful and intricate and to a MAN they are performers who perform! off the stage and out of the studio, i think their group dynamic is full of a gentle quiet love... not that THEY are all quiet and gentle but the love between them is so solid and steady... they are all so comfy with each other!

e'last + 17. Favorite look from your bias?

u sent me this bc u know i fully bias half the group!!! in reverse age order, for yejun it is his debut era chocolate brown curls, what they call his choco poodle look... for hyuk it is of COURSE the iconic toc/dangerous era silver ponytail... for romin i waffle back and forth every day but let's get some color in here i really did adore the dark dream royalty styling along w/ his purple like he is a PRINCELING! and for my beloved yeop it's whenever he goes on fancafe and uploads like 8 photos from the same day and he looks soft and ethereal and very boyfie. anyway the flowers were so cute....

wanna one + 2. How did you decide on your bias?

girl...... when you know you Know...... so like honestly speaking i had a vague interest in niel even before i got into wanna one bc a) paranoia was soooo good and b) ceo businessman niel go king go! but personality-wise when i was watching pd101 it was like... ohhh he's exactly my type of guy huh. like you know... sure of himself outwardly... cheerful and bright and honestly!! a dork !! devoted to his cats !! i love him he's my best friend like not to get parasocial about it but i just KNOW we suck at texting and staying in touch but like whenever we manage to coordinate our schedules to catch up it is as natural as anything we pick up right where we left off it is just easy n comfortable and we always have stories to tell and places to go !!

wanna one + 6. Your favorite song and why?

as you know i think there is no ballad like a wanna ballad like they had main vocals who SANG........ and i am going to cheat and say <3 the beautiful trilogy :') i think beautiful is really one of their Iconic(TM) songs and choreos, beautiful part II is my specific beloved bc i love the intro and i think they all sound SO good, and beautiful part 3...... eri they did that for US i can't NOT love her you know?

[oneforallheadcannonsandshorts]

Hello! I just found you blog and I have to say i absolutly love it! Do u still take requests? If so could i get the First OFA user with a s/o who can cancel out any type of quirk by using her right hand? If ur comfortable writing it could u make s/o pregnant and First had to leave her bc he had to fight his brother. Fast forward and Midoriya meets a girl, the girl being Firsts daughter (she has a long life quirk) and the girl talks about her mother and her father (who she never met) but she's not mad at him for leaving them and tells him how much her mother still loved First so much till her death. Make it angsty with fluffy ending pls. Thanks! Have a nice day/night!

Manga Spoilers Ahead!

Key:

[f/n] = first name

[h/l] = hair length 

[h/c] = hair color

[e/c] = eye color

[s/c] = skin color

[d/n] = daughter’s name

First User meeting his daughter. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is about to walk out the door when a familiar voice stops him. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Asks his wife of nine years, [f/n]. 

“I am and it isn’t like I have much of a choice.” He tells her. 

“Let me help you, with my quirk you’d have a fighting chance!” [f/n] argues. 

[f/n]’s quirk allows her to block quirk genes by the touch of her right hand. A very usual but limited quirk. And he isn’t about to place her on the battle field. He can’t do that to her. Anyone but her. 

“NO! Please, just stop [f/n] ... I love you too much to lose you.” 

“I feel the same. [insert the first user’s first name], please let me help you, we can do this together.” [f/n] continues. 

He knows all to well that she isn’t going to stop. Not until he gives in and let’s her help. It was attitude like this that made him fall in love with her. 

A sigh escapes his lips as he walks over to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he leans in for a kiss. [f/n] latches onto him refusing to let him go. He holds to her slowly breaking the kiss. He gazes into her watery [e/c] eyes. 

She asks, “If I can make one selfish request... Just stay. Just a little longer. Please.” She begs brokenly. 

[insert the first user’s first name] can feel his heart breaking as he nods holding her tighter. “Of course my love.”    

120 years later, set during Izuku’s new work-study with Endeavor

If there is one thing that Izuku understood about the former users is that they all undoubtedly had regrets. All of them had given up so much to protect the people they cared about and create a bright future without All for One. Izuku often feels guilty for living in the future that the seven before him had strived to create. In this mind they should be the ones living in this society. Not him. If there is a way he can bring them back to live in this era, he’d do it. Even if that means he has to or will die to do it. 

Kiddo don’t you fucking dare. 

Izuku jumps at a deep voice which sounds a little like Banjo Daigoro, the Fifth User of One for All. Embarrassedly Izuku rubs the back of his head. He should have known the vestiges can feel his thoughts. He mutters a soft apology but gives no explanation knowing that they already know his reasoning for such thoughts. 

Walking down the sidewalk, Izuku walks with Katsuki on patrol. 

“Can you actually talk with them?” Katsuki asks having heard Izuku mutter. 

“Kind of. It’s only Mr. Banjo right now.” Izuku says. 

“Must suck having a bunch of voices in your heard.” Katsuki says walking head of Izuku. 

“Not really.” Izuku says then softly mummers, “I already know what that is like.”

Oh, good god I wanna hug this child. 

The voice that speaks is a woman’s voice, so Izuku figures that is Shimura Nana. All Might’s master, Shigaraki Tomura’s grandmother, and the seventh One for All user. 

A small smile appears on his face, as he is flattered that Nana wants to give him a hug.  

Continuing their patrol, Izuku notices a young woman with [h/l], [h/c] hair, and [s/c] colored skin. The sight of his girl makes Izuku stop walking as he stares. Staring there is this sensation in his heart. He quickly figures out that this sensation is the result of one of the vestiges, but he can’t figure out which one.

[f/n]...?

So, it’s the first user causing this sensation in his heart. Izuku knows his voice the best because the dream he had before the fight between his class and class one B. 

Isn’t that the name of your wife?

It is.

Didn’t she have a quirk canceler?

She did. 

Then who is...? 

Guys this could be her decedent. 

Dont say that! You’re going to make him feel bad! 

No, no! It’s okay, if that is her decedent then I’m glad she moved on. 

Well why dont we go see for yourselves? Come on kiddo, go make her your friend. 

Izuku wordlessly follows the woman to a park. She walks over to a bench and sits down. Izuku stops himself from walking over trying to figure out how to open a conversation with the woman. As he thinks, twiddling his thumbs, he doesn’t notice the woman is staring at him. 

“Are you okay little hero?” The woman asks suddenly standing before him. 

“Y-Yeah! I...I uh...yo-you looked lonely s-so I thought I’d come s-sit with you for a while.”

The woman giggles, “That’s so sweet of you. My name is Shigaraki [d/n]. What’s your name little hero?”

Shigaraki [d/n]?

Coincidence this lady has your last name?

Doubt it. 

“Deku! My hero name is Deku it is nice to meet you Miss Shigaraki. S-Say you wouldn’t happen to know someone by the name of Shigaraki [insert the first user’s first name], would you?” 

W-Wha-Why is he asking that!?

Clearly he hears us. 

Yeah, but to ask that right off the bat is a little weird. 

No, I think it’s a valid question when you know someone with the same last name. 

“[insert the first user’s first name]? So that was his name.” [d/n] smiles. 

“You know him?”

“Not personally, but my mother talked about him a lot. So see, [insert the first user’s first name] is my father’s name. Or at least that’s what mom always said.”

FATHER!? 

Man is this one hell of a Wednesday!  

[f/n]... S-Sh-She was... she...

Shiggy snap out of it! 

“Whoa, really?!”

“Do you know him?” [d/n] asks. 

“Kind of sorta.” Izuku admits. “If you dont mind me asking, what kind of stories did your mom tell you about him? All I know about him is that he was a man filled of justice and always did the right thing.” 

“That’s what mom always said too. Why dont we sit and talk?” [d/n] suggests. 

“Lead the why Miss Shigaraki!”

“Please, call me [d/n].”

“What kind of quirk do you have?”

“It’s a long life quirk. Which is really strange since my mother could cancel out quirks with her right hand and my dad had a quirk called One for All.” [d/n] explains. 

“Wow!”

As [d/n] and Izuku sit on the park bench, [insert the first user’s first name] is still recovering from the shock of learning he has a daughter. It brings him to tears knowing that he left her when she was pregnant. He was such a horrible husband and [f/n] deserved so much better. Looking at this daughter through Izuku’s eyes he can easily see [f/n]. Hearing how [f/n] never dated or thought about remarrying hurts but at the same time he is glad that despite he was gone she remained faithful to him. 

“So, are the rings you wear around your neck?”

“Hers? Yep! Before my dad left, he gave her his ring as a keepsake. Then when...she passed she gave me hers and his.” [d/n] answers with a smile. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is breaking down in the vestige world hearing all of this. 

“Deku are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah it’s just one of those days when you start crying for no reason.” Izuku lies. 

“Had a few of those days myself.” [d/n] smiles. “Say, do you think my dad would have liked me?” 

Izuku smiles brightly and says, “Yep! If he were here right now I know he would give you a big hug and tell you how much he loves you and how sorry he is for leaving.” 

“Never said I was mad at him for leaving.” [d/n] chuckles. “I know that he had a had every intention of coming home. Deku,”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever fight All for One, knock his teeth out. His smile is creepy as hell.”

HAHA! She ain’t wrong. 

Does she know that’s her uncle she’s talking about? 

He has no right claiming to be her uncle. 

“Yes ma’am!”  

==========================================================================================================================

Thank you for the request and your kind words Anon. I am so very glad that you like my blog. Also I hope you enjoy this read too. Sorry if it isn’t exactly what you had mind. Anyway, have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening!

Master list

[prosopopeya]

My 2021 Writing Wrap Up

@marbleflan tagged me in this!!!!!

most of the fics i wrote this year were random impulses that i indulged bc i spent the majority of the year alternating between writing let me come home and procrastinating let me come home. i am ultimately so extremely proud of just about everything i wrote this year. i don't think i ever wrote anything that i feel like i did as good of a job with as i did let me come home, like, i am so fucking proud of myself for that and it was just. it felt really good to write.

Total 2021 wordcount: 243,083

My 2021 fics:

Through Autumn's Advancing, 4.4k, e

Right to Lose Control, 8.5k, e

no more keepin' score, bucky/sam, ~3k, t

our time is not infinite, ~3k, g

Cowboy's Sweetheart, 17.4k, e

Let Me Come Home, 160k, e

Perfect Match, cowritten with @marbleflan, 41k

Good Writing Stuff: working with @marbleflan!!!!!! i have become addicted to her instant feedback and overanalyze how many s's are on any "yesss" she sends in response to an excerpt i send. some of the language, especially court stuff, was lifted straight from her suggestions for let me come home!! but also lately watching as she becomes a writing machine and getting to read all her stuff as it goes has been such a wonderful pleasure!!

like i said, i am just extremely proud of let me come home. like, the grad school au was semi autobiographical, and let me come home was definitely not, but i still found ways to channel all sorts of stuff through it, just in a different magnitude. it's really not, like, a personal fic the way the grad school au is but instead it feels like i wrote this separate entity into being that contains all my DNA.

and i'm bonus really proud of the dom/sub stuff i wrote this year. those chapters (which surprised me!) in let me come home, right to lose control, and cowboy's sweetheart. i am really proud of all of those!!!

Bad Writing Stuff: i'm terrified i've almost burned myself out for a bit. i have ideas but they kind of flop. i am working on that fic i posted an excerpt of but i need to write a sex scene (or at least i suppose i want to) but i haven't found the right mood. of course school starts back up soon and i think i am experiencing a dip down into depression as a result of that or pms, so it could be a tossup there.

i was really bad at reading and responding to other work this year!! i want to fix that too. the more i accept i at least have some adhd tendencies the more i recognize the cycles my brain goes through and how difficult reading can be sometimes because of the mental effort, unless that's my current hyperfixation. i guess i just need to be patient and let my brain fling itself around.

Looking Forward to in 2021: writing the sequel to perfect match with @marbleflan!!! i need to get back into watching the challenge (but my current fixation has been video games, while i'm off work).

i deeply want to write the b sides to let me come home--one for kevin and one for crowley. the more we watch s12 the more i formulate ideas for the crowley b sides there. the time has come for me to step into my crowley girl era.

i also have a few half formed ideas, like what if hannah was in the male vessel at the start of s10? idk about any new big projects!! maybe i will try to find some sort of bingo or fic exchange or challenge or something to get me writing.

i haven't been on tumblr so idk who's done this meme but do it if you want to you are officially tagged!!!!!!!!!!

[janevx]

𝑝𝑠𝑦𝑐h𝑜| h𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑔 h𝑦𝑢𝑛𝑗𝑖𝑛

genre: 

wc: 2,7k

warnings: cursing, sex mentions, death mentions

mafia au, psycho au, hyunjinxreader

summary: you have never thught that you would became mafia member guy. someone who murder people for living. hyunjin never shows you that he loves you. he is always cold towards you, but for real? he loves you the most in the world.

author’s note: i’m planing to do headers soon, so it will be look more prettier! also, i was thinking about making reactions with kpop male groups? what do you think about it? also, i’m sorry for late uptade of yuta’s “maybe”, im sorry! btw, you should watch this fancam. hyunjin’s fancam made me write this.

hwang hyunjin was aways known as a cold person who usually doesn’t give a fuck about others. he has his member and sure, he likes them and care, but when it comes to someone else he was very cold. i mean really. also, he has no mercy for his victims. his gaze always do everyhting. people were afraid of his gaze, becasue it’s really scarry. always in black or black-red clothes with his long blonde hair (from god’s menu era) make people afraid of him. he totally loves this. love this that people were afraid of him and he has control. 

 you were just student who has happy life with no worries. you had everything - lovely family, cool and “true” friends also even a boyfriend who loves you and took care of you, but one day everything has changed. 

 you were at club with your friends who had time of theif lifes. you were a little bit tired, so you took a seat by bar. you didn’t even know when blonde guy approach you.

“why are you stting here alone?” he looked into your eyes and you could swear that he was the most handsome boy you have ever seen.”are you listen to me?”

“i’m little bit tired just it.” you smiled a little.

 hyunjin didn’t know why he approach you. he was watching you from the start of the party and he couldn’t stop. you looked amazing and really attract attention, especially from him.

“but you shouldn’t sit here. maybe in the living room? you don’t even know what a kind of people you are around with.”

“what do you mean?”

“nothing, just take it as warning honey.”

 when you were about to open your mouth someone interrupt you.

“ey yo, motherfucker. leave my girlfriend alone or i’m gonna kick your fuckin ass, you pussy.”

 you could hear your boyfriend. you were embarrassed because of y/b/n. he was really jealous sometimes with no reason and agressive towards strangers. 

“y/b/f chill out! we were just talking and you offenisve him! just stop.”

“y/n shut the fuck up for once. this guy flirts with you and you like it?”

 hyunjin couldn’t help smilling all the time. it was his devilish smile. he was fuckin pissed of because you had a boyfriend and also this piece of shit wasn’t afraid to yell at him. he promised himself that he will kill y/b/n.

“isn’t it very nice to talk your girlfriend like this asshole.so, y/n, you don’t have to be sorry because of your fuckin boyfriend. it was nice to meet you.” hyunjin turned around and face your boyfriend and whisper to his ear. “i hope you going to know with who you mess up with. you are already dead.” hyunjin smilled at your boyfriend and left.

 you were kind of person who doesn’t like when someone is treat like shouldn’t you were mad at y/b/f. you shook your head and leave just to go to boy who warned you to be careful. your firends couldn’t belive how you act.

“ey wait! i’m really sorry for this jerk. he is sometimes too agressive towards people.” you were smilling lightly “i hope you can understand.”

“why are you two dating?” he asked with smirk on his face “he is asshole towards you.”

“u-hm.. he loves me and i l-love him..”

“aish, love. okay. thanks and don’t be sorry.” he smiked “i hope we be able to see ourself once again.”

“yeah, totally.”

 he left and so you. you came back to your boyfriend with different feeling. who the hell is this guy?

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since this accident it’s been month. your boyfriend apologized to you hundred times. you couldn’t be mad at him for too long. 

 today it’s your day off. you wanted to surprise your boyfriend for being sonner at home with some cookies. bc, who don’t like cookies? you opened the door and you hear some sounds. like.. moans? did your boyfriend was pleasuring himself? it wasn’t from, of course no! but at the same time you could hear woman’s moans. you were schock and mad as fuck.

 you walked in into your bedroom and you started crying. there were your boyfriend with your bestfriend having sex. when they saw you they were shock and embarrassed.

“what the actual fuck y/b/n?! y/f/n? really? you two fuckin bastrads! i’m leaving!”

“no, y/n wait!”

“fuck of!”

 they left your bedroom. you took suitcase and pack all your stuff. there’s no way to you that you stay any longer in this home. the two most trusted people cheat on you. you couldn’t belive how naive you were. but to your surprise you didn’t feel pain. you were just mad that they did this behind your back. did you really love y/b/f name?

 when you were done, they try to stop you, but you can’t. you left your place and with no idea, you were walking. you were walking until you saw black prestige car that followed you for pretty long. you started feel fear, so you moved faster.

“y/n!”

 is this possible to be this blonde guy from club? you turned around and saw this guy parked his car and walk towards you.

“it’s you.”

“i’m hyunjin.” he smilled “what are you doing when it’s raining and with suitcase?”

“uhm, it’s not important.”

“it is. what happend?”

“my boyfriend and best friend had sex in our bedroom, when I was there with cookies. now i’m betrayed, alone with cookies and with no idea what to do with myself.”

“c’mon, go with me.”

“what?”

he laughed at you.

“come to my place. you can stay.”

“but I don’t know you well and basicly you are stranger to me.”

“just come with me. i promise i’m not gong to hurt you y/n.”

 you didn’t know why did you agree to come with him. 

 his house was pretty big and expensive. you didn’t know what he is doing for living that he has so much money. he showed you all home and give you some food.

“woah, i din’t expect it from you.”

“what? my house?”

“yeah. it’s pretty big and you know. what are you doing daily?”

“you going to know one day, not today. you be sleep in my bedroom, ok? i will be sleep in living room.”

“no, no! it’s your home, i’m only geust.”

“y/n. don’t make me angry, please. just sleep in my bed.”

 you simply nodded. you two were talking a lot before it was bed time for you. you changed your clothes into something comortable (paJamAS) and goes to the bed. you lied down and slowly fall asleep.

“good night y/n”

 you fell asleep, but you have no clue what was happening in same room. hyunjin was watching your for few hours and touch your face. he was fascinated in you. for hyunjin you were just like goddess. he couldn’t help but stare at you. and your body in this pajama was hot as fuck. you have to be his no fuckin matter what.

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weeks passed and you still were at his place. hunjin asked you to move on with him. you weren’t sure but you agreed. your family and friends told you that you are crazy for doing this. but you didn’t care, becasue hwang hyunjin had something about him what makes you want him. you noticed that he is very, very cold person, but to you he can control this.

 one day you came to home an hour earlier than you should. you walked in, but seems that hyunjin didn’t noticed you. you were about to say something when you heard devilish laugh that stops you.

“and what? you fuck with wrong person.”

“i’m sorry! really, i can give you all my money,”

“take money and pour it into your asshole.”

“hyunjin, please! i’m sorry!”

“i have no mercy dumbass.”

 you could only hear a shot. you frooze. you couldn’t move, because of this what you heard. you couldn’t control how you were breathing. hyunjin could hear it too and only thing he could do was his curse.

“y/n? what are you doing here honey?”

“you killed someone?”

“babe, listen.”

“i’m not your girlfriend.”

“belive me, you will.” he smirked when he take his gun pointing at you “better take a seat.”

you did it with fear in your eyes.

“will you kill me?”

“of course no! you are to preacious to be dead.” he smirked “you asked me one day what am i doing for living. i’m in mafia. i bet you know who stray kids are, right?” you nodded “i’m basicaly member. but you don’t have to be afraid of me. i take good care of you, don’t i?”

“you do, but it’s ..it’s scarry.” you were about to stand up “i have to go and leave you. i can’t live like this.”

“don’t fuckin move.” he reloaded the magazine “i really donj’t want to kill you.”

“i’m sorry?” you were scared “but..it’s you who killed my ex?”

“who else honey? he messed up with wrong guy. i don’t fuck with them all. and also, you can’t leave me honey. you love me.”

“no, i don’t!” you lied

“okay, so leave now. i know that you would come back to me.”

 you took al of your thing and you leave his house. 

 it didn’t teak you so long to come back to him. you didn’t know what happend to you. after you left you was feeling kind of missing? you missed him so much and you couldn’t deny it. you didn’t care that he is in mafia. you loved him it was this what matter. you know him about half a year. you love him from 5 months. 

“oh look who is back.” hyunjin smirked “what should i do with you honey?”

“just let me fuckin in and talk.”

“how confident you are honey.”

to say that hyunjin was happy wasn’t enough. he was extra happy. he loved you from begginign and this time about week you were without him he was watching you. you both loving each other as psycho and you two couldn’t stop.

“i missed you. i don’t care about mafia.”

“oh, you changed your mind?” he smirked

“don’t tease me hyunjin. just tell me what to do. leave or stay. what are you feeling towards me?”

“you want to know what i feel towards you?”

“yeah, this is what i said.”

“this is how i feel towards you.”

 he pinned you into wall and kiss you. deep and with passion. you couldn’t help moans that escape yours mouth. both of you waiting really long to this happend.

“i love you y/n. but i have some rules.”

“i love you too.” you smiled “which rules?”

“i can be really jealous so don’t try me honey. you are only mine and i can use you as i want to. in bed you gonna call me daddy or sir, got it?”

“why?”

“because im in charge and you love mi too much to disagree.” he smirked “don’t be rude to me, because you gonna face consequences. you have to love me and only me.”

“all for you.”

 he smiled to himself and then you were at his lap. kissing so desperatly and deeply like you have never. your one hand in his blonde hair and one hand on his shoulder. when his one hand was at your booty and second hand on your breast. he gave you light squzees. it was really pleasure you and you try to be queit.

“i want to hear you. moan to me y/n.”

“m-my god..hyunjin!”

it didn’t take you two so long to undress each other. he was focused at your body sight. he was amazed by your curves and hell, he loves you even more.

“remember how to call me. i want to hear you kitten.”

“yes daddy.”

 with this he thrust you so rough. it was hard at the beggining but with time you feel pleasure. he fucks you so good and no one could disagree.

“i can feel your thight pussy cleanching around my cock kitten.” both of you could hear your wetness sound “you hear how wet you are for me?”

“i’m close!”

“you can’t cum until i agree.”

“please, daddy please. please, let me cum!”

“you wasn’t be a good girl to you daddy.”

“daddy please, i can do anything.”

“okay, you gonna suck me off.” he smiled “you can cum babygirl.”

 so you did with loud moan. you7 were shaking because how good he fucks you. when you done you have to take his cock. it was really big and you couldn’t take him all. you were sucked him off really good like pro.

“m-my god. i love you so much y/n, my little kitten!” he cum with groan “swallow this sperm babygirl.”

 so you did again. after this he left you to clean up yourself. he isn’t the guy who cares, you know it, but he come back to you to kiss your forhead and fall asleep with you.

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life with hyunjin was quit hard to you. you really love him, and want to show him, but he doesn’t give a fuck about your love - it’s your thoughts. it’s been another half a year. you two been trough a lot and it makes you two special.

 hyunjin came to home from his work a little bit angry.

“i did dinner if you want to you ca-”

“y/n shut the fuck up! don’t even talk to me.”

“what? i din’t do anything.. why you scream?”

“can’y you see i’m stressed, you idiot? just fuck off from here and leave me.”

 it was casual to you, but it was first time that he was so angry.

“i have enough! stop reacting and exploding at me! i didn’t do anything wrong and here you are, screaming at me for nothing! i’m tired of it, understand?!”

“did you raise your voice at me?”

“yes, and what? you gonna punish me? i’m leaving. you can look for me when you calm the fuck down.”

“try me honey. you aren’t leaving. you are mine.”

“i can! you act coldly to me! can’t you see that it’s hurt me? i fuckin love you and you treat me like sex toy and doesn’t care about me. how can you love me when you fuck other girls? you only yell at me and test me for your sex things. i can’t live like this. you are always cold. always. don’t show me love, it hurts, because i want to show you, but you alwayds don’t care.”

 it hurt him. he doesn’t know that you see him as this. yeah, it was true that when he was really mad at you he fucked another, but then he killed them, because he loves only you. you are most important thing for him. he chuckled.

“i didn’t care about you? i care about you all the time! i’m stressed when i have to leave you for few days, so i call my men to be near to you. i always care what i did to you how you feel. i fuckin care! it’s hard to show this, but when we have sex i fuck you with love. y/n i fuckin think about to get married with you. i love you the most in the world. if you would asked me to leave my life in mafia i will! for you i will do everything. i’m sorry for being like this to you, but i love you.”

 your heart’s melt.

“show me how much you love me.”

 with this he kissed you with love. this night you two had sex slowly with full of love. you love him like a psycho, and he loves you back as a psycho.

“i really love you y/n, please don’t leave me.” lonly tear goes down his cheek “please, y/n i can think about my behaviuor but don’t leave me.”

“i won’t you know it. you know that i love you too much to leave.”

“will you marry me?” he take little box “i love you like psycho, like crazy man. make me happy and agree.”

“of course i will!”

[radioprune]

6, 36, 59, 60! <3

thanks gia!!

6. which genres of music do you tend to like the best? definitely rock n roll which i imagine is obvious by now lol but i also think i'm pretty amenable to anything. i like modern rock too, indie/alt, some punk if it's not too intense bc i am something of a wimp when it comes to like. screaming in music. i like r&b and hip hop and country if it's good, you know, but i guess rock is the genre where i need less discernment to like something

36. what are some songs whose lyrics you relate to? when i get in a mood like i have been lately it seems like every song is about my life lmao - speaking of, i listened to rubber soul yesterday and "in my life" stuck out to me. i've always been a very nostalgic person but i also love to meet new people and make new friends who always feel like the most special people i'll ever meet (hawk coded much? lol) so i'll go with that. literally though i know i'll never lose affection for people and things that went before / i know i'll often stop and think about them / in my life i love you more. so

59. what do you think the best "era" for music was? WELL. my personal favorite decade is 1965-1975 because you're bookended by help! and rubber soul on the one end and rumours and a night at the opera on the other. while i LOVE 50's and early 60s rock as well and obviously plenty of brilliant albums come from the back half of the 70s i think that gives you the best of both worlds. more generally of course it's 60s-70s in my book but also in general i would say that's my favorite as opposite to the best. (that being said the fact that it's my favorite also means that i think it's the best. so)

60. how has music affected you as a person? i mean. deeply and inexorably. it's maybe trite or whatever but i literally love music. when i found out that some of my friends don't listen to music when they're just going about their day to day activities, commuting and running errands i was blown away. i mean, i've had a deep and genuine obsession with the beatles since i was about five years old which led me and my best friend to sort of organically discover the rest of the british invasion through going to buy cds and trusting ourselves to the pandora algorithm and the whims of our local classic rock stations and i love to play music and talk about it and i think it's fucking crazy how if i'm in a mood or whatever almost no matter what i'm listening to if it's something i love will give me the emotional catharsis i need and leave me in an infinitely better place. i don't know hardly anything about any bands besides a choice few but my spotify is filled with thousands of songs that i think are perfect and then know literally nothing about or no other songs by whoever wrote them bc i just fuckin love the way it sounds. it sounds good! music! what more could you ask for

[sakumakun]

ugh maybe i can be convinced to place one (1) oc on enst tumblr. but. i am. Afraid. and i’m worried about posting art/profiles/writing and such... but here are my options. (they’re all stuck in !! era, but)

 

i may be completely off base but: in !! (if i remember at all) there is RST-M with chiaki as ryusei red, that’s the one with starpro, BUT THEN there is RST-N with tetora as ryusei red. this is the one in the school itself. A) ryusei blue 2 and ryusei black 2 ocs

 

B) a !! producer that is like 6 foot tall and actually unintentionally injured someone (twice) with spontaneous violence. vietnamese/japanese. i am nervous about using her bc she’s on the border between “short fused and dangerously protective” and “lowkey nonromantic yandere”...

BUT she’s very bubbly and nice? has a hard time being unfamiliar with anyone, just immediately treats them like a friend. it’s usually pretty scary given she is 6 feet tall and can go threatening in an instant.

 

C) sakuma estranged cousin oc, also a producer in !! who’s always been my favorite oc. but... he is also a huge “mary sue” (i can’t stand the term, but some ppl care) and i am nervous for various other reasons too. (sighs)

⇨ he got thrown in the producer course when he transferred to ymnsk, thanks to a clerical error on the paperwork that marked him “female”... so he just. has a girl’s uniform. he just used the opportunity to play with gender binaries because he has 0 self esteem anyway so what reputation does he actually have to lose? (he is honestly pretty dumb. has horrible grades even when he tries.)

⇨ is nice though! caring. concerned about everyone else. brings everyone homemade snacks/lunches. listens to them when they’re upset. takes everyone seriously. can’t deal well with conflict, esp. when it’s directed at him.

⇨ has a voiceclaim that later turned out to have an unbelievable singing voice, so the “mary sue” aspect hit very hard lmao... i think he’ll go back to the idol course in post-!! year to use it.

⇨ re: idol course: he is absolutely amazing at making music, but. when at the diff idol school, he didn’t have a good grasp on his voice so he just made generic synthy/electro stuff. but then as the year goes by, he makes new music for units he produces, branching out from the style he used before. and bc he had to use different sounds, use his voice in different ways, etc. he found out his voice was actually rly good when he used it differently than he always had before.

⇨ is probably way more fun than the other 3 for actual interactions with anyone’s ocs or canons, but i have so much fear...

 

D) i can still technically use sakuma cousin oc in ! era if needed - he’d just be a normal idol that starts out being rly bad, but like: i am so nervous.

E) actually there’s a producer i had that mained eden? but i didn’t develop her ever lmao. i think i intended her to have a god complex? and she was like, ethereal. untouchable. way different than past-rei. something like that

[pilferingapples]

@simone-boccanegra replied to your post “Just watched GHOSTS OF VERSAILLES”

what is Figaro doing in there? also isn't this some anime originally or am I mixing it up with something?

..okay you know what, let’s  see if this makes any more sense to me if I explain it :

-Story A/The Framing Story:   starts out in the ghostly afterlife of Versailles, which seems to be, oddly, haunted only by ghosts of the Revolution era, and almost exclusively aristocrats, And Also Beaumarchais–guess everyone else who ever lived there decided to go hang out somewhere else 

- Ghost!Marie Antoinette is Sad because she is Dead. A bunch of Mean Girl Ghosts mock her about this, bc it’s apparently been 200 years (this play is from 1991, which explains Some Things later)

- Ghost!Beaumarchais is in love with Ghost!Marie Antoinette and offers to cheer her up with his art; when that doesn’t work, he offers to CHANGE ALL HISTORY with his art - …he makes plays, you know? Marriage of Figaro? Les Mis fans may recognize him as the creator of The Gallant Cherubin, who is NOT The Mighty Cherubim of Ezekiel :P  - this guy is gonna put on a play that will rewrite history so Marie Antoinette is saved and lives and then somehow also we get spaceships IDK, he’s very optimistic about how much her being alive will change the world 

- he is not even offering to rewrite history in time to save everyone ELSE there who also died in the Revolution. This is all about Marie Antoinette, sucks to be anyone else bc this is only about her , everyone else gets to watch the play though 

THE PLAY! or Story B:  Count Almaviva , the master of Clever Servant character Figaro, has somehow got Marie Antoinette’s necklace-- you know , THAT necklace--and is planning to sell it, to an English ambassador, at the Turkish embassy. Somehow, getting this necklace back will totally save Marie Antoinette, says Beaumarchais, even though by this point she’s in prison awaiting her execution. Figaro and his wife Susana plot to recover the necklace from their master (and also help some young lovers who are part of the plot, as these things go).  All these plans are threatened by exuberantly Eeeevil Villain  Bégearss, who is of course an Evil Revolutionary. 

-This part of the show is largely comedic and high energy, and established as a play the ghosts are watching, but I have NO  idea how-- the characters don’t seem to be being played by actors in the world of the show; maybe Ghostly Projection by Beaumarchais? 

-This part also includes a dramatically bad Wacky Hijinks scene at the Turkish Embassy Ball, with Figaro and Suzana (Susanna? IDK how they’re spelling it in this) trying to get the necklace back by Disguise and Subterfuge and Being Chased.   This would be Fine except that it also features wild 90s Orientalism, brownface, and weird sexism/homophobia/transphobia bits. It’s. It’s Bad. and it goes on FOREVERRRR AAAAAH 

- after the ball, Figaro does have the necklace, and decides Actually to Hell With Marie Antoinette, he’s going to sell it and make himself and his family rich!

- and the Ghost Crowd Goes Wild . 

Story C: ??????

Ghost!Antoinette accuses Beaumarchais of doing all this to mock her; he vows that he loves her and swears to use All His Power to Correct This and Change History, and ENTERS THE PLAY. 

- I’m still not sure how this was supposed to help, if he can’t fix things as the author how is he gonna fix it as a character with no power  - he doesn’t btw  -Antoinette DOES realize he Really Loves Her and FOLLOWS HIM INTO THE PLAY...SOMEHOW  - RIP Louis I guess, what royal marriage -Everything gets worse for everyone; Almaviva’s household is thrown in jail for Crimes Against Revolutioning, Beaumarchais and Marie Antoinette both appeal to Figaro to Fix This, Marie Antoinette goes to trial and we have to hear the grossest parts of THAT because...comedy??, and is convicted, 

- Figaro ultimately does Fix This bc that’s what Clever Servants do , the Almaviva household and everyone else there gets away , singing about how great Figaro is; Beaumarchais tells Figaro “ you were always my favorite child” and they have a goodbye scene and ngl I teared up  - M.A. though tells Beaumarchais she Accepts Her Fate, and History Happened as It Should Have And Must; at this point Ghost!Antoinette sort of separates from Play!Antoinette and watches her get guillotined, and Ghost!Antoinette returns to Beaumarchais and they smooch and are in love and still dead I guess but in love so that’s supposed to be okay

- I’m leaving out a lot but none of it explains things any better

- in conclusion: ?!?!?!?? , and that’s what Figaro is doing here