#babies ears. its not the end of the world. its a much less painful and risky procedure than spay/neuter. they dont care how they look either

[spywitch]

Theres a hilarious hypocrisy I notice of pibble rescue people who clutch their pearls over ear cropping dogs, who also go “awwww!” and absolutely LOVE when they see a big bully with cropped ears. They think they’re so cute. Like maybe they react that way bc of their savior complex and they feel pity for the poooooor “abused” pitty, but they will never admit its also cuz they LIKE the way cropped ears look 😂

[stylesispunk]

"You're the loss of my life"

outbreak! Joel Miller x f!reader

part 2 here

summary: you and Joel went from one kiss to getting married to becoming strangers.

w.c: 5k>

Warnings: angst, implications of cheating, mentions miscarriage. Perhaps some grammar mistakes because no proofreading oops!

a/n: I know everything I write is angst but is what it fits in my mind right now. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated 💌

Dividers by @/saradika-graphics

The day you killed yourself, you woke up. The salty tears streamed down to your ears. There was a pity gaze you didn't want to meet, looking down at you, perhaps asking why. 

You didn't want to talk, even less to answer the pitiful comments from people who thought they had a say on all this.

You remember the fall. You remember Joel running to Sophie to save her life instead of yours, instead of both. You and the baby who was inside you. The one who wasn't there anymore because of its tiny form didn't resist the impact of your fall.

What a tragedy.

Sadness overcame you in the aftermath. In a world like this, treating your wounded body wasn't as hard as treating your heart, which became a frozen glass shell.

The days that followed were a blur, each moment blending into the next, a never-ending cycle of grief and numbness. You avoided mirrors, hating the reflection of a person you no longer recognized. The hollow eyes, the lifeless expression—they belonged to a ghost, not to you.

Joel tried to talk to you, his words a constant hum in the background. "I'm sorry," he'd say. "I didn't know what to do." But his apologies were meaningless, lost in the chasm that had formed between you. He perhaps saved Sophie because he loved her more, because in that split second, she was the one who mattered.

Not you anymore.

You spent hours in the nursery, the room you had so carefully prepared. The crib, the tiny clothes, the stuffed animals—all mocking reminders of what could have been. Your hands would linger on the soft blankets, tears falling silently onto the fabric. It was in that room that you felt the closest to the baby you had lost—a place where the field of dreams you had died.

One night, as you sat in the dark, the pain was too much to bear, and you decided you couldn't go on. The world was too cruel, too indifferent to people's suffering. You wrote a letter, your final words, to those who might wonder why. It was brief—just a few sentences explaining the unbearable weight of your grief and the unending ache in your heart. Meeting your family and beloved ones in heaven sounded better than keeping yourself prisoner in a world that would never be a safe place for anyone.

You took the pills, each one a step closer to peace. As you drifted off, you felt a strange sense of calm, a release from the torment that had consumed you. You hoped that in death, you would find the solace that eluded you in life.

But then you woke up again. The salty tears streamed down to your ears. There was a pity gaze you didn't want to meet, looking down at you, perhaps asking why.

Waking up again felt like a cruel joke. You were back in the same world, with the same pain. But something was different. Joel was there, his eyes red and swollen from crying. He took your hand, his touch hesitant and afraid.

"I thought I lost you," he whispered, his voice breaking.

You turned away, unable to meet his gaze. The wound was still too fresh, and the betrayal was still too raw to face them.

Joel's gaze burned in your back, and the smell of death was in the room. You held your breath for a moment. You wanted to smell the flowers and the baby smell of the little head of your baby, which you would never get to meet.

"Why?" he questioned, and for the first time, his voice did soothe your wounds; instead, it caused your blood to boil inside you and irritated you.

"I want Ellie here, not you."

"Baby- “

"Go." Your voice could slice Joel’s skin.

He recoiled as if struck, his face crumpling with pain. He stood there for a moment, looking lost and broken. "Please, don't push me away," he pleaded, but you couldn't hear him through the rage and grief that consumed you.

"Leave," you repeated, your voice cold and final.

Joel's shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned and walked out, the door closing softly behind him. The silence that followed was suffocating, a void that threatened to swallow you whole. You curled into a ball, the tears flowing freely now—a torrent of pain and loss.

“Go to Sophie,” you whispered to the void, allowing yourself to cry.

Time seemed to stand still in that moment; your sobs were the only sound in the quiet room. You didn't know how long you lay there, but eventually, you heard a soft knock on the door.

Ellie's voice was hesitant when she called out your name, filled with a mix of anger and concern. "Can I come in?"

You didn't answer, but she opened the door anyway, slipping inside and closing it behind her. She looked at you, her expression torn between fury and sadness.

"Why did you do it?" she demanded, her voice shaking. "Why did you try to leave me too?"

You looked up at her, seeing the pain in her eyes and mirroring your own. "I... I didn't think I could handle it anymore," you admitted, your voice breaking. "I lost everything, Ellie. I lost you, I lost Joel, and I lost the baby. I didn't know how to go on."

Ellie walked over to you, her steps hesitant. "You didn't lose me. I'm still here," she said, her voice softening. "But you almost did. And I'm so mad at Joel. He should have saved you both. He should have done more."

“Do you think Joel doesn’t love me anymore?” you sobbed.  The pain in your voice broke Ellie’s heart.

She kneeled beside you, taking your hands in hers. "I don’t know what’s on his mind now," she admitted, her voice trembling. "But I do know he loves you. He's just... broken too. We're all broken."

You pulled her into a tight embrace, both of you crying together, sharing the weight of your grief. “I lost my baby because of him.”

Ellie held you tighter, her own tears mingling with yours. "Cry,” she said softly. "Blaming him won't bring the baby back. It won't help us heal. We have to find a way to forgive and move forward."

The two of you stayed like that for a long time, finding strange solace in each other’s arms. The pain was still there, raw and overwhelming.

You were standing in the small kitchen of your home in Jackson, the dilapidated walls a far cry from the security of the life you once knew. But for a moment, you allowed yourself to dream of something better. Your hands trembled slightly as you held the small, worn piece of paper—a positive pregnancy test, a symbol of new life in a world consumed by death.

Joel walked in, weary from a long day of patrol. His eyes lit up when he saw you, but they quickly clouded with concern as he noticed the look on your face.

"What's going on?" he asked, setting down his backpack and walking over to you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. "Joel, I have something to tell you,” you began, your voice shaking. "I'm pregnant."

For a moment, there was silence. Joel's expression shifted from confusion to shock, and then to something darker—fear and maybe even anger.

"Pregnant?" he repeated, his voice rising slightly. "In this world? How could you be so irresponsible?"

The words hit you like a physical blow, your earlier excitement and hope crumbling into dust. "Irresponsible?" you echoed, your own voice rising defensively. "It takes two people to do this, you know.”

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "You know what it’s like out there! Every day is a fight for survival. We can barely keep ourselves alive, and now you want to bring a baby into this?”

“I know this is not the best way, but what do you want me to do?” 

“You know what.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you fought them back, unwilling to show weakness at his suggestion. "I know it's dangerous, Joel. But it's also a chance for us to have a future. To have a reason to keep going."

Joel's face softened for a moment, but then the hard lines returned. "And what if we can't protect it? What if we lose it? Bringing a baby into this world... it's a death sentence."

You turned away, unable to look at him. "I thought you'd be happy," you whispered, the tears finally spilling over. "I thought this would be something good for us."

He reached out, but you stepped back, the distance between you growing. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice softer now, but the damage was done. "I just... I can't see how this can work."

You clutched the pregnancy test to your chest, tainted by doubt and fear. “Are you mad because of the baby, or what would Sophie think of this?" you questioned quietly.

Joel's expression faltered, and he looked away, unable to meet your gaze. The mention of Sophie seemed to strike a chord, bringing a new layer of tension to the room.

"Sophie has nothing to do with this," he muttered, but the words lacked conviction.

"Doesn't she?" You pressed, your voice rising. "She's always in the back of your mind, Joel. Every decision you make, every risk you take, it's always about protecting her."

"She's my partner in patrol,” he shot back, his voice growing louder. "I’m just as protective as I am with everyone here! I can't fail her, or you. But this world... it's no place for a child."

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. "I know you're scared, Joel. So am I. But we can't live our lives in fear. This baby is a chance for us to have something real, something good. Don't you see that?"

Joel's shoulders slumped, the weight of your words pressing down on him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "I do see it," he admitted quietly. "But it doesn't change the reality we live in. I just... I don't know if I can take that risk."

The room fell silent, the tension hanging thick in the air. You turned away from him, your heart heavy with a mixture of hope and despair. "I'm going to do everything I can to protect this baby," you said firmly, your voice steady despite the tears streaming down your face. "With or without you."

Joel looked at you, pain and conflict warring in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it, shaking his head. He turned and walked out, leaving you standing alone in the kitchen, your heart breaking as the small symbol of hope in your hand seemed to grow heavier by the second.

The “I do” and vows seemed so foreign in the back of your mind now.

A week had passed since your almost-death. The days were a blur of grief and small steps toward recovery. Ellie remained close; her presence was a constant reminder that there was still something worth fighting for. In your head, you felt guilt and pity, not strong enough to keep believing you were the same woman who arrived here. You were the gosh of a lively fighter who became a lifeless frame.

Maria approached you in the cafeteria, where you were trying to busy yourself. She had always been a pillar of strength in Jackson and a calming presence for you since the day you, Joel, and Ellie arrived.

"Hey," she said softly, her voice gentle. "How are you holding up?"

You shrugged, not trusting yourself to speak without breaking down. Maria sighed, pulling up a chair beside you. "I know it's hard. But you need to take things slow. You can't rush healing."

You nodded, though her words felt distant. The weight of your grief was a constant presence, making everything seem surreal. "I just... I don't know how to keep going. I don’t know how to do this again," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper as Sarah’s lifeless frame came to your mind.

You had lost another child.

Maria reached out, squeezing your hand. "One day at a time," she said. "And remember, it's okay to lean on others. You don't have to do this alone."

You wanted to believe her, but the pain was too fresh and overwhelming. As the days turned into a week, you forced yourself to go through the motions, trying to find some semblance of normalcy. One afternoon, you found yourself in the cafeteria of Jackson. The noise and bustle were a stark contrast to the turmoil inside you.

Maria was there, talking to a few people, and she caught your eye, giving you an encouraging smile. You tried to smile back, but it felt forced. The weight of your loss was a constant shadow, making everything seem heavier.

As you moved through the line, Maria came over, her expression concerned. "Hey, remember what I said. Take it slow. You don't have to do everything at once."

Something inside you snapped. The pressure, the grief, the guilt—it all came crashing down. "Take it slow?" you repeated, your voice rising. "How am I supposed to take it slow when everything is falling apart? How am I supposed to keep going when I not only lost my baby but also my husband?!”

The cafeteria fell silent, all eyes turning towards you. You could feel the weight of their stares, the shock, and the pity. Your breath came in short, ragged gasps as the enormity of your outburst sank in.

Maria reached out, but you recoiled, your emotions spiraling out of control. "I don't need to take it slow!" you shouted, tears streaming down your face. "I need... I need..." You didn't even know what you needed; the pain was too overwhelming to articulate.

Joel was there in an instant, his face etched with worry. "Hey, hey," he said softly, reaching out to you. "It's okay. You're okay."

But you weren't okay. You felt like you were drowning, the weight of your grief pulling you under. You shook your head, backing away from him. "Don't touch me for fuck's sake! I don't want your dirty hands on me!”

Joel’s eyes glazed, but you didn’t care. He had become the best of the man you had married ten years ago.

Joel's eyes glazed, but you didn’t care. He had become the ghost of the man you had married ten years ago.

He froze, the words hitting him like a physical blow. The cafeteria's silence deepened, the tension thickening. You saw the pain in his eyes, a reflection of your own turmoil, but it did nothing to quell the anger and sorrow boiling inside you.

"I can't do this," you said, your voice breaking as you took a step back, your chest heaving with sobs. "I can't keep pretending that everything is going to be okay. Because it's not! Nothing is okay!"

Ellie pushed through the crowd, her face pale but determined. "Mom," she said, her voice steady despite the fear in her eyes. "We're here. We're all here. We'll get through this."

Joel looked helplessly at Ellie, then back at you. "Please," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "Just let us help."

You looked at him, the man who had once been your rock, now just a shadow of the person you had relied on. The anger still simmered beneath the surface, but Ellie’s presence brought a flicker of something else—a reminder of why you needed to keep fighting.

Ellie wrapped her arms around you, holding you tightly as you sobbed into her shoulder. The room remained silent; the weight of your grief was palpable. But in that moment, you felt a glimmer of hope—a reminder that you weren’t alone and that you had people who loved you and who were willing to help you carry the burden.

Joel stepped closer, his hand hovering uncertainly at your back, not daring to touch you without permission. "I’m so sorry," he murmured, his voice choked with emotion. "For everything. I’m so, so sorry."

You took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to steady yourself. "You killed him," you snapped, your voice barely more than a whisper. "I can’t forgive you.”

Joel's face crumpled, the weight of your words hitting him like a physical blow. He took a step back, his hand dropping to his side. The silence in the room grew heavier, and the tension was palpable.

"I know," he said, his voice barely audible. "I know I can never undo what I've done. I live with that guilt every day."

Your anger burned hot and fierce, like a wildfire consuming everything in its path. "You killed him," you repeated, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. "And you expect me to just forgive you? To move on like nothing happened?"

Joel shook his head, his eyes filled with sorrow. "No," he said softly. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't even know if I can forgive myself. But I want to try. I want to make things right as much as I can."

You looked at him, the man who had once been your partner, your confidant, now a stranger in the wreckage of your shattered life. The anger still burned hot within you, but beneath it, there was a flicker of something else—pain, sorrow, and a desperate longing for the life you had lost.

"I don't know if I can do this," you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. "I don't know if I have the strength to forgive you."

Ellie's arms remained wrapped around you, a comforting presence amidst the turmoil. She gently guided you away from the cafeteria, her touch reassuring as you stumbled through the hallways of Jackson. The weight of your grief felt heavier with each step, but Ellie's presence gave you a glimmer of strength.

As you reached the door, Ellie helped you inside, guiding you to the small couch in the living area. She sat beside you, her eyes filled with concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, her voice filled with worry.

You shook your head, the tears still streaming down your face. "I don't know," you admitted, your voice hoarse. "I just... I don't know how to deal with all of this."

Ellie reached out, taking your hand in hers. "We'll figure it out together," she said, her voice steady despite the tremor in her hands. "I promise."

You squeezed her hand tightly, grateful for her unwavering support. "Thank you, Ellie," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion.

She leaned in, wrapping you in a tight hug. "I love you, Mom," she said softly. "And I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

Tears pricked at your eyes as you hugged her back, her words echoing in your mind. "I love you too, Ellie," you whispered, your voice breaking with emotion.

As you and Ellie held each other close, the weight of her love and support was a balm to your wounded soul. But amidst the embrace, a knock on the door interrupted the moment, causing both of you to startle.

Ellie pulled back slightly, her eyes searching yours with concern. "Should I... Should I get that?" she asked, her voice hesitant.

You shook your head, wiping away your tears as you tried to compose yourself. "No, it's okay," you said, your voice still shaky. "I'll go."

Ellie nodded, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze before standing up from the couch. "I'll be in my room if you need me," she said softly, giving you a lingering look before leaving the living area.

As Ellie disappeared down the hallway, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was to come. With trembling hands, you made your way to the door and opened it, revealing Joel standing on the other side.

His expression was a mix of worry and remorse as he looked at you, his eyes filled with a silent plea for forgiveness. "Can we talk?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

You hesitated, the memories of your outburst in the cafeteria still fresh in your mind. But despite the anger and pain, there was a part of you that longed for closure, for a chance to understand.

"Okay," you said finally, stepping aside to let him in.

Joel entered the house, his footsteps hesitant as he crossed the threshold. The living room felt suffocatingly small as you both stood there, the weight of your shared grief hanging heavy in the air.

"I... I don't even know where to start," Joel said, his voice strained with emotion.

You took a deep breath, trying to find the words to express the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. "I just... I need to understand," you said, your voice barely more than a whisper. "I need to know why you did what you did."

The sun was setting, casting long shadows across the abandoned streets of the city. You and Joel had been scavenging for supplies, your footsteps echoing in the eerie silence that seemed to permeate every corner of the world.

You had felt uneasy all day, a knot of jealousy and insecurity twisting in your stomach at the sight of Sophie, her laughter ringing in your ears like a taunt.

You had implored Joel to come. You just wanted to feel as worthy and important to him as you used to, even in your state. But despite your misgivings, you had pushed them aside, focusing on the task at hand, determined to prove yourself capable and worthy of Joel's love and attention.

And then it happened.

If Joel had been more careful, he wouldn’t have allowed you to come. But he didn’t want to make you feel worthless.

A horde of infected had descended upon you, their snarls and growls a chilling symphony of death and despair. You had frozen; your mind was unable to comprehend the danger until it was too late.

But Joel had acted, his movements swift and sure as he pulled you away from the oncoming onslaught, his grip firm and unyielding.

And then he had seen her.

Sophie was trapped beneath the rubble, her screams echoing in the chaos as the infected closed in, their hunger insatiable.

And in that moment, something inside Joel shifted.

He had hesitated, torn between saving you and saving her, his eyes flickering with indecision, before he made his choice.

He had chosen Sophie.

He jumped off the horse, leaving you alone. You had watched in horror as he raced towards her, leaving you behind, your heart shattering into a million jagged pieces as the truth of his betrayal washed over you like a tidal wave.

You had screamed, your voice lost in the cacophony of the chaos, your tears mingling with the blood and dust that coated your skin.

And then the world went dark.

You fell from the horse, hitting the cobblestones hard. The pain was sharp and intense, searing through your body like a white-hot flame. You could hear the distant sound of screams and growls, the world around you spinning in a haze of confusion and agony.

Through the haze, you could dimly make out Joel's voice, calling out your name in desperation. But his words felt distant, a mere echo in the darkness that threatened to consume you.

And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the chaos subsided, leaving behind a heavy silence that pressed down on you like a weight. You tried to move, to call out, but your body felt numb and unresponsive. Your world went black.

"I need to know why, Joel," you repeated, your voice trembling with emotion. "Why did you choose her over us? Why did you leave me behind?"

Tears welled up in your eyes as you waited for his answer, the weight of his betrayal still fresh in your mind, a wound that refused to heal.

Joel's gaze dropped to the floor, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his guilt. "I... I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I panicked. I made a mistake."

Anger surged within you at his words, a fiery rage that threatened to consume you. "A mistake?" you repeated, your voice rising with indignation. "You left me to die, Joel. You left our child to die. How could you call that a mistake?"

Joel flinched at your words, the pain in his eyes mirroring your own. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm so, so sorry. You were my wife; I should.”

"Were you my wife?” You sobbed, “Since when is that in the past, Joel?”

Joel's words hung in the air like a heavy weight, his admission of guilt and regret piercing through the veil of anger and pain that enveloped you. But amidst the turmoil, there was a flicker of something else—a longing for understanding, for closure, for a chance to heal.

"You are my wife," Joel repeated clearly, his voice trembling with emotion. "I should have protected you. I should have been there for you. But I failed. I failed both of you."

His words stirred something deep within you—a wellspring of grief and longing that threatened to overwhelm you. "And now?" you whispered, your voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. "What am I to you, Joel?"

Joel looked at you, his eyes filled with sorrow. Not uttering a word.

“Do you have feelings for Sophie?” You asked, fear creeping to your bones, not wanting to hear the answer.

Joel's silence spoke volumes; his hesitation was a weighty presence in the air between you. You held your breath, afraid of what his answer might be and of the truth that lay hidden in the depths of his gaze.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Joel spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I... I don't know," he admitted, his words heavy with uncertainty. "

“You love her,” you stated. “That’s why you chose her.”

Joel's silence in response to your accusation only confirmed your worst fears, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth and a heavy ache in your chest. The truth hung in the air, stark and undeniable, like a shadow cast by the setting sun.

Tears stung your eyes as you struggled to process the betrayal, the pain of Joel's admission cutting through you like a knife. The realization that he might love Sophie and might have chosen her over you and your unborn child was a blow that threatened to shatter you completely.

"I can't do this," you whispered, your voice barely more than a broken plea. "I can't stay here, knowing... knowing that I'll never be enough for you. Living in a world like this is already hell, but you made it even worse. You made me feel disgusted by myself, worthless, and ashamed," you shouted. "You're a fucking coward."

Joel flinched at your words, the truth of your accusations cutting through him like a knife. For a moment, it seemed as though he might speak, might try to defend himself, but he remained silent, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Hate me; I'll wait. Until you forgive," he finally said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

You shook your head, tears streaming down your face as you struggled to find the words to express the depth of your pain. "Forgive you?" you chuckled bitterly. "I won't."

There are two types of grievances. The one who met the spirits in death and the one who met with the ghosts of someone who should have died in front of you. You still couldn't comprehend which one was worse. Both were painful, and both watered your eyes. But having the ghost of someone who brought you warm, freezing your aura while slipping from your grasp, leaving you crying to yourself till your head tired up and there wasn't anything left that fell into the voiceless world of sleeping, where in your dreams, you were still the same woman in the white dress, marrying the love of your life.

"I needed my husband! I need him now! And the worst thing is, I still need you, but you're just a fucking phantom."

"I'm still here," he exclaimed.

"No, you're not.".

"It wasn't even born!" Joel said.

The silence met souls leaving the lovers's bodies.

You were left speechless, tears ricocheting. Your heart was clenched in pain, and your throat felt like it was being torn apart by a monster.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Save it," you spat. You were exhausted, and your heart hurt so much that you couldn't even feel it beating anymore. "Sorry if grieving my baby was such a burden to you."

As you turned back to face Joel, the weight of your words hung heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the gaping chasm of loss that lay between you.

"Let me remind you of something, Joel," you said, your voice trembling with emotion. "Losing Sarah was the worst thing that happened to us, and just imagine how it is for me to know I carried her and this baby just to lose them both."

Joel's expression softened, a flicker of remorse crossing his features as he looked at you, his eyes filled with regret. "I know," he said softly, his voice heavy with sorrow.

"I'll move out," Joel said suddenly, his voice tinged with resignation. "So you can bring your new lover here and make all the babies you want."

His words cut through you like a knife, a painful reminder of the irreparable rift that had formed between you. "You know what really broke me?" you sobbed, the words tumbling out in a rush of emotion. "You... you're the biggest loss of my life, but as much as I love you, I despise you the same. You're the loss of my life I will be yours. There's no way back from this, Joel."

As the weight of your words hung heavy in the air, you reached for the wedding band adorning your finger, a symbol of a love that had once been unbreakable but now lay shattered at your feet.

With trembling hands, you removed the ring, feeling its weight in your palm as you stared at it, the memories of happier times flashing before your eyes like a cruel mockery of the present.

Without a second thought, you flung the ring towards Joel, watching as it spun through the air before landing at his feet with a soft thud.

"There," you said, your voice choked with emotion. "Take it. Take everything that remains of us."

Joel looked down at the ring, his expression unreadable as he reached out to pick it up and his fingers trembling as he held it in his palm.

"I don't want this," he whispered, his voice barely more than a hoarse whisper.

But you shook your head, tears streaming down your face as you stared at him, the pain of his betrayal a raw wound that refused to heal. "I don't want it either," you said, your voice barely more than a broken whisper. "But it's all we have left."

And with that, you turned away, unable to bear the weight of his presence any longer. The wounds he had inflicted upon you ran deep, a festering wound that refused to heal.

[poppy-metal]

baby daddy older art…. after his divorce he went on a wild night out, and slept with thing young hot thing he picked up at a bar. it was supposed to be a one night stand, but you get PREGNANT, and now sexy man has to be in your life FOREVER. begs you to keep it even though you’re young and have your life ahead of you, and if you do he will make sure you live in luxury for the rest of your life. you were going to keep it anyway, but his promise makes it so much easier. hes coming to every doctors appointment, he makes you put his number on speed dial, he brings you anything you ask, because you’re carrying his child. decided it’s easier if he lives with you, because he’s seen your apartment and he doesn’t want you or his kid living in such a place, and then he can be available at all hours of the day. he’s so good to you, so kind and sweet and good and he doesn’t have to do this at all, you can help but fall in love with him. but he doesn’t feel the same. it’s a strictly mother of his child relationship. he is very blatant about that. no blurring of boundaries, you are the mother of his child and that’s all. it’s purely practical why he lives with you, because if you’re both ok with it it’s best for the baby to have both parents. that’s all you think it is. you keep your love inside, because he’s such a good man, and to even be around him is a gift. he’s given you more than you could ever hope for, it would be selfish to demand feelings too. that’s what makes him so wonderful, he’s doing this all for a girl he doesn’t even love. and his child, yes, but richer men have done less for their children and the mothers of their children. little do you know, he has to prevent himself from touching you constantly, because you’re a young girl he’s gotten in trouble and he would be the worst man in the world if he also made you think you had to put out to stay with him. no, he had done enough. all he could do now was to provide for you and your child. until………

save me responsible art who accidentally knocked me up save me,,,,,, okay but imagine you're a few months into the pregnancy - you have a prominent bump now and parts of you are getting more and more tender and achey. your breasts for one, have gotten alot more sensitive. 

you're in a mood over it - not snappy but just noticeably uncomfortable. when art comes over to stock your fridge like he's been doing, you're in nothing but an oversized shirt and some tiny sleep shorts. art already has his heart beating fast, pumping in his chest. he tries to stay respectful, notices how you're nit wearing a bra and feels his cock twitch. he thinks to ask you about what's got you looking so blue as a way to distract him from your body but it ends up doing the opposite.

“my chest.” you tell him, frowning. his eyes are drawn down despite himself. “pregnancy body I guess, they're just really tender and like… stiff.” 

your nipples are certainly stiff, art thinks. swallows. concern nips at him. he knows it's unavoidable, but he doesn't want you in pain. 

“are they hurting you?” 

you nod, reaching up to cup them yourself and art tries not to choke on air. you wince. 

“its like a sore muscle or something. squeezing them feels good but I feel like I don't have a good enough grip.” you flush when you realize you're essentially fondling yourself in front of him and drop your hands. “sorry. it's not your problem. I'll live!” 

you usually love having him around for as long as he'll stay, but you're in such pain you just wanna take an advil and take a nap. he doesn't deserve to hear your bitching. 

art feels bad. this is half his responsibility and he has to deal with 0 of the aches and pains. hed siphon it from you if he could. he works his bottom lip between his teeth, face already turning pink before he even says the words. 

“I could help.” 

you blink at him, confused at first. “help?”

arts ears are red now. his fingers flex at his sides. he imagines them on your tits and has to inhale. 

“I mean - my hands might. they might feel better. if you want, obviously. I just hate to see you in pain.” 

so that's how you end up with your back to his broad chest. leaned back as his hands hover at your waist over the shirt. you're all flushed, both of you, but you reckon his hands really will help. they're so sturdy looking. and you remember how they felt on your bare skin. those slender fingers, those palms. with that in mind you place your hands over his and slip them under your shirt - “direct contact will probably help more.” you explain, half because it'd true and also because it's an opportunity to feel his hands again - and you won't waste it. 

arts whole body is burning. hot. he says, “right.” because his brain is rather fucking blank the second his hands make contact with your skin. you're so warm and soft. just like that night. except his baby is inside you now.

he cant help it. he has to feel over your bump. skims his palm over the taut muscle of your belly where it extends out. he's kind of awestruck. 

“have they kicked?” he thinks he'll pass out if he feels it. 

you shake your head. “I'd tell you if they did. I know you'd want to feel.”

his heart warms. he caresses your belly. “I would.” he confirms gently. “I want to be there for everything.” 

you bite your lip. sigh when his hands start trailing up your body. you dont know if he's purposely being sensual about it, or if he's just being respectful about the way he handles your body. it feels so good. it feels natural. his palms cup the side of your tits first, and you gasp. 

“sorry.” he says - starting to pull away and you quickly shake your head.

“no.” you tell him. “no it feels good - dont worry about being too gentle. it's alot of pressure …. “ 

he breathes out and touches you again. grips you'd breasts in his hand and tries not to lose his mind. he's doing this to help you. you're in pain. this isn't about him.

but god, you're so fucking soft. he can feel your flesh squeeze between his fingers. feel the stiff peaks of your nipples. he massages your tits like that for a second, just cupping and pressing against your tits with slight pressure, steadily building the more you sigh in approval. 

he's so big behind you. big chest at your back big hands groping and gripping your fat and heavy tits. 

“that feels so good.” you tell him, and if you have a whine in your voice well it's his fault for having such good hands. 

“im glad.” he chokes out. fuck. he's throbbing in his jeans. hard and thick and he's remembering how your tits felt pressed against his bare chest when he'd been inside you- deep in your tight wet little cunt - you'd been so vocal under him, sweet and cloying and he vividly remembers how the nipples he's currently pinching, felt in his mouth, under his tongue. remembers them bouncing in his face when he'd had you a second time, on his lap, riding his cock so fucking eagerly. 

his brain is all fuzzy with the memories of that night. the message becomes less about relieving you of any pain and just about feeling your body in his hands. you can feel his pecs move against your back as he breathes in and out - his touches becoming less hesitant and more demanding - he squeezes getting more aggressive and dominant. sexual. 

your cunt throbs, your little clit having a heartbeat. you've become so fucking - horny lately. you have to touch yourself everyday - your hormones all over the fucking place. being touched like this isn't helping. you feel soaked and wet between your thighs. downright sticky with it.

you want to reach down and rub yourself. the pounding of your pussy has become even more painful than the throb in your breasts earlier. 

“im so horny.” you say - the confession ripped from your chest. said kinda desperately, hopelessly. arts hands pause on your tits and you lean back against him, pushing it, testing. “it hurts so bad, art. all these pregnancy hormones - no matter how much I touch myself it's never enough. I need to be filled.” 

“jesus.” he leans his forehead against your shoulder. he tries to find that thin thread of control, but he can't. it's gone. probably broke the second he felt you in his hands again. “you can't say things like that….” 

“but it hurts.” you whine. shift around. “hurts right now.” 

you sound near tears and fuck, he fucking hurts too. he's been holding himself back for so long, ignoring his needs - resiting you. he can't even remember why. 

“c’mere.” he tells you, and then he's turning you around in his lap, nd you're straddling his lap, feeling the hard length of him through your clothes and he kisses the gasp right out of your mouth. you moan into each other. his hands grip your ass, rock your tender little pussy against his cock and the friction makes your eyes roll back. 

“please.” you gasp against his mouth, your belly just big enough to put and inch of space between you. your hand tugs at his jeans - “please make it better - I need your cock -”

“the baby -” he pants but doesn't stop you from yanking his jeans down, lifting his ass to help you, even. 

you shake your head, “that's not a thing.” you giggle - “and it helps with - with all the pain I'm feeling - promise -” 

all he has to do is slip your sleep shorts to the side like panties - because you're not wearing any - and sink you down onto his cock - his head falls back when he feels that melting pot of a pussy around him. sucking, tender, soft, tight - squeezing him so fucking good. 

he grips your ass even harder - “your pussy is so good, baby - “ he plants his feet, braces to bounce you on his dick- “im gonna make you fucking cum.” 

[skay-ali]

The forgotten daughter

Pain, you felt a lot of pain... Your whole body was hating you at this moment, perhaps the bad karma of your entire short life was taking its toll.

You were trying to get air and more strength, you had to follow the nurses' orders.

You hated this, the pain didn't stop, it became less and less bearable. You wanted to numb your entire body and pain, like you did before, when you went to any party and let yourself be carried away by it, taking whatever appeared in front of you, to no longer feel pain, to forget that you were alone...

But now, when all your pain stopped, when loud whimpers sounded in your ears.

At the moment the nurses placed a new being, bathed in a liquid and other things, a being that accompanied you for almost a year in your solitude, the small ray of light that rested peacefully in your arms, as if you were the only thing in the world. world that this little being needed.

You cried, not because of pain, you had already done it a lot, not now you did it because you had someone in your life, someone who would always need you, a little person who would never ignore you, who would not leave you because you are not relevant in his life, you knew she would love you, now you had a family.

You were right, it was the first time you did it.

Your little baby, the ray of light that illuminated your world full of lack of control and emptiness, was the same one that did not let you leave his side for any moment, who looked at you with eyes full of adoration, for a long time until you fell exhausted in the world of dreams.

Today was one of those days, where nothing special happened in your life but still, you saw it as one of the best you ever lived, even if it was just you and your little baby in a lonely house, it was wonderful.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing sweetly, your baby smiled every time you talked to her and had your eyes on her, she moved one of her toys with her little hands, lying in her crib.

You didn't expect things to change in a big way that day.

First a knock on the door... and suddenly.

A man you haven't seen in a while, a great friend of yours, your family... he came back still with a haggard appearance and lifeless eyes.

You took him inside your house quickly, you began to care for him the best you could, if he continued on that path he could reach his end.

You gave him food and tried to make him rest, but he could only watch the baby sleeping in the crib, his gaze stopped for a moment on your little daughter's toy, a teddy bear that looked like a little cow.

“that's not…”

“Yes, it's Alicia's toy... she gave it to me one day as a gift for the baby.” You sat down next to him.

"ahhh.. always kind and selfless with her actions... even if that was the only thing she had left as a memory of our parents" the voice of the low-level man, it no longer had much power, it became weak.

“If she was always like this… you know she was the most excited about my pregnancy” a weak smile appeared on your lips.

“yes... even if you don't believe it deep down inside her, she wanted to get married and start her own family…. But now” he stopped, some tears ran down his eyes, after that he couldn't stop..

You didn't either, you also missed your best friend, the girl with whom you always shared secrets, with whom you did the craziest actions and the girl to whom you could tell all your feelings without her judging you.

You saw him cry, sitting next to him you hugged him trying to comfort him... with some tears in your eyes.

You knew that pain, you felt it when you thought your younger brother had died, but it was different, he would no longer see his sister breathing again and living again, he only had a grave to remember her.

“___... ___ … I can't continue like this” you agreed with his words, you ran your arms along his back trying to support him.

“I must avenge her... I must make sure her death is not for nothing, I will make them suffer like I did” you stopped your hand, that... that was not what you were thinking.

“no..hey..I don't think so”

“You may not like the idea, but listen to me…” the boy looked into your eyes, even if they were red.

“I was lost since her funeral, alone even though you all tried to be with me, full of anger, but seeing your Christmas letter with the picture of little Alice... I... I couldn't stop thinking what if something bad happened but this time with you, or with your little daughter, whom Alicia adored even before she was born” the small conversation full of sadness ended, starting with something deeper, it scared you to think about the point that the man next to you wanted to get to.

"Evil will always be surrounding us, we can't do anything... but we can prevent people from committing acts of evil." His melancholic state changed, a more determined voice came out of him.

“stop... don't even continue... what you're going to say isn't good” even with your hands tangling your hair, trying to calm yourself down, it was impossible.

“We must put an end to the villains.”

You sighed, even if you hadn't exercised, nor did you have a feeling of illness... you were still tired.

Seeing not only one man, but another sitting at your table... it was exhausting... you were just lost in your thoughts, while they talked about their new ideals with great interest.

You didn't trust what they said, it was dangerous, plus your morals would be at stake, you would hurt innocent people... you didn't want to do that, since you can remember you have been a coward, you would never stop being one.

“I don't think we should do this” you looked up at the men, they left their conversation behind just to listen to what you were saying.

“Come on___, this is something big, we will get rid of the criminals who have done nothing but take away our happiness, not only that we will stop living in fear that in a moment a crazy psychopath will threaten us or our loved ones, even if It's just one of their silly cat and mouse games with a hero” the new man who arrived at your house a few hours later, the man who also lost his beloved to a psychopath.

“He's right, we have something in our hands that will improve humanity once and for all, without the heroes showing up and claiming to be saving us.” Alicia's brother Nick defended the plan they were trying to get you to accept.

"Also, most of the time the heroes are as guilty as the villains, with their games for not getting rid of their threat from the beginning, they are guilty for creating villains and don't make me mention how they bring their enemies to the cities in Instead of solving it in their own homes, it is not fair that we are dragged along by their problems as well.”

The speech, that left you thinking, even when the men left, they left a card for you, a number and address.

You thought about the possibilities of doing it, joining them, over and over again you considered it, it was time to put things in order, but their plans were not exactly something you agreed with.

Hurting people, taking their lives from them, for their crimes, that was not fair, no one should judge that, you thought more about seeing them suffer, rot in one place until their last breath.

That was never possible, they always found a way to escape their sentence, to create chaos again.

It was supposed to be a happy day, you were supposed to be enjoying your daughter, dressing her in the most beautiful clothes you could find, singing her lullabies or telling her a story, although you knew very well that she couldn't understand you, you liked doing it, playing with your baby's toys, while she looked at you with her big eyes and smiled when you looked at her, use the television as background noise to liven up the atmosphere a little.

There was great happiness around you, but a small feeling invaded you until it became impossible, you were not enough, you did not deserve what you were experiencing, you had not done much to deserve it, they would take it away from you at some point, in front of your eyes, You would suffer a lot, again, just like when your mother left.

The woman who said she loved you, but left you, you were afraid that you would do the same with your daughter, leave her and make her suffer, that she would spend a life full of loneliness.

Soledad, you felt that, again, how stupid you were, how could you feel it when you had your dear daughter by your side, were you a bad person? If you were, you have always known, you don't deserve anything you have now, that's why your children were miserable.

No.. it wasn't miserable, in fact, you were lucky, you were just a spoiled child throwing a tantrum.

And now you cry, you shed tears like an innocent soul, what a bad person you were, crying in front of a baby, just for your life, one that was better than most children in almost all parts of the world.

You were disgusted.

You were scared, scared that everything would end, you deserved to be alone, but just thinking about it scared you.

You took the card.

After thinking about it very carefully, after leading a life in a spiral, you were no longer going to continue like this, you were going to change it and everything around you too.

“Hello guys... I've thought about it and I'm in.” Your tone of confidence was evident, your voice did not waver or tremble, you were going to do it, you would change your life.

“First introduce yourself” a serious voice surrounded you.

You were a little restless, the room you were in was cold, the disturbing synods of the machines upset you, the devices you had on were also uncomfortable.

“My name is ___” you said a few minutes later.

“Why are you here?”

“Are you seriously going to ask these unnecessary questions” you questioned the man who was on the other side of the room, using a speaker to communicate.

“It is necessary, part of the procedure, so that it is recorded that you are giving your consent” You sighed when you heard it, you don't know if you're doing the right thing, what if something bad happens... on the other hand, if this helps you improve, you'll do it, you can't continue in such a self-destructive spiral, harming yourself and your daughter.

And if by the way, if your idea worked, you would help the world improve, without the ideas of genocide of all criminals.

“Hey, I'm serious, I don't want lawsuits” It was good that in a serious moment they took a moment to joke.

“I am patient 01 and I will erase my memory” you looked at the camera in front of you, without showing any emotion.

But it wasn't enough, because the two men were still looking at you, waiting for you to continue talking.

“I want to erase all my self-destructive and sad thoughts that don't let me continue with my life…” you hesitated, you had to say everything you would erase from your head, or just a small introduction.

“continue” you no longer care about who was talking to you.

Everything you wanted to get rid of in your head came to the surface.

“everything since I was little, and I was afraid of everyone and the things that happened, the death of my mother... when I saw her leaving, abandoning me, her eyes losing their last traces of light when I entered that room” you needed carry a calm attitude, instead of getting upset, what kind of presentation would you give to the camera, you still hadn't started to say everything and you no longer had the strength to continue.

"forget the boy, who I considered my brother until he broke his promise, how he came back, but never for me, I forget... my whole family and what I experienced with them, their looks as if I never existed, I was never recognized as his sister and daughter, seeing all those women parade through my home, receiving more attention than I ever received from my father, those feelings of not being enough, even more so when my father confessed that he never saw me as his daughter, I was just a Little girl looking for love and I found my father's ear.”

“It was her mistake, it was her mistake that I existed, and dad could never take responsibility, I did, I stayed with my little mistake, who I love, I love her with great madness, I would do anything for her, I think That's why I'm in this place."

“I call him dad, most of the time I did and he never called me his daughter.”

“so I want to forget my depressive mother, my father's family, aaahhh and that man I knew” a small smile left your lips when you remembered him “Alice's father, please delete him” your voice became dark at the end, you couldn't anymore endure it, you cried, you let your tears fall and be caught on camera.

“You forgot your name, I need you to say it in full.”

“____.... ___ Wayne” you sobbed even as you spoke.

The recording ended, leaving the room silent.

"Well, you already met the mastermind behind everything and the first patient of our Alice or Wonderland project." The man who was still being interrogated interrupted the thoughts of all the heroes and their assistants who were present.

Many glances went towards a stoic-looking man in the middle of the room, who only saw the black screen.

Bruce didn't know how to react to such news, it was like a bucket of water, how come he had ruined it so much with you.

He had hurt you, he was the villain in your life, he couldn't handle that.

And now that it was yours, you became a woman involved in a big crime, you were also alone, you always seemed weak to him, now that was against him, what would you do to protect yourself in such a chaotic world, he couldn't even imagine that something bad is happening to you.

He needed to find you and repair what he did.

I'm sorry if there are errors in the use of he, she, and other pronouns.

Tag list: @kore-of-the-underworld @vanessa-boo @jsprien213 @delias-stuff @vanilliona @bat1212 @yanrandom @Quiarst @palabra de niño salvaje @el termino @leo227 @sirenethblog @ masa para galletas @blueberry19000 @con seguridad

[cressidagrey]

Welcome to the World - Chapter 3

Summary:

The quickest turnaround time between finding your mate and having a kid anybody in the history of Prythian has ever managed

Warnings:

Rhys bashing, Mention of Domestic Violence, Mention of Miscarriage, Mention of Child Murder, Mention of Adult Murder, Mention of Stabbing, Childbirth, Labour, a disgruntled Donkey named Thistle

(super pretty dividers thanks to @saradika)

To say that he had tried to stay busy was an understatement. 

For cauldron’s sake, Azriel had pulled out his mother’s bedraggled Recipe book from its place in the kitchen and was making chicken soup. 

And it was definitely not like he normally cooked. He left that to Cassian, the only one of the three of them who had any talent in the kitchen. 

Though putting a chicken in a pot, covering it with water and cutting up an assortment of vegetables to go along with it…he could do that. 

So he had. 

He had split up enough wood in the shed outside that his mother had enough wood for the rest of the winter. 

He had brought the same wood inside and tidily stacked it next to the fireplace. 

He had started sharpening Truthteller with the whetstone he always had with him, sharpening his weapon to keep his hands busy. 

Azriel had tried to concentrate on the feel of the blade on the stone. There was something soothing about a task that required just a single set of movements. He could do this. 

But where it normally soothed him…tonight it did not. 

He had done all of this, trying desperately not to listen to the voices coming from upstairs and failing. 

His ears strained without his want, listening to every noise Ciara made. 

The sounds of her steps, her moans that steadily escalated throughout the night…the quiet assurances of his mother that she was doing so well, that it would be over soon…

and on and on it dragged. 

Azriel had absolutely no clue how long a birth should take, what was normal. Was it normal that she had been at it since late afternoon, and now it was pitch black outside, stars gleaming? 

Was it normal that the moans seemed to get louder with every minute, sometimes turning into choked-off groans or a gasp for air? 

She was in pain. In so much pain, and there was nothing he could do as he sat there at his mother’s kitchen table, a hand harshly gripping Truthteller's hilt, the whetstone forgotten in his other. 

It was…

He could feel her anxiety, her pure fear through the inkling of a bond they had. She seemingly screamed it down the bond at him, the terror that gripped her. 

And then there was another groan, louder choked off…

“Your water broke. She will be here soon, sweetheart,” his mother cooed. 

Oh. 

Soon. It would be over soon. 

He tried hanging on to these words. It would be over soon. The pain would end for her…she would have her daughter in her arms. And she would be fine…she needed to be fine. 

“Could you fill the bathtub, Esmeray?” the midwife asked, her voice low but Azriel could still hear her…the bathtub? Why…would she take a bath now? Was the baby already going to be born in the next few minutes and needed a bath afterwards? But why would she do that now? 

“What’s wrong?” Ciara gasped, and the sound of her voice, pain-filled, had him on his feet, pacing. 

“Nothing is wrong, Ciara,” the midwife soothed. 

“You didn’t think I would need the water because the baby isn’t that big,” Ciara whimpered. 

She was going to give birth in the water? Was there a problem? Was the baby not coming?

“She’s not. It will help you,” the midwife assured Ciara. “You’ll have less pain and could heal quicker.”

Oh. 

He could hear steps again, 

“In the tub with you," the midwife said calmly… more steps…more pain-filled moans from Ciara. 

And then…“I can’t get in there.”

“You can and you will.”

Splashing of water…Her moans quieted right down. He could still listen to them, could still hear every movement from her because he was so attuned to what was happening in the cottage right now. 

Still…shouldn’t she be louder? Shouldn’t she be screaming? 

 She was being so quiet, he feared that it was going to be another day or two before the baby would arrive… Ciara spent and exhausted by then.

Even more than she already was…

He forced himself to sit back down, return to his blade and his whetstone…and nearly dropped it when he heard Ciara vomit. 

Fuck, that wasn’t normal, right? Was that normal? How should he know?!

“That’s alright, Ciara. Your body knows what to do. It's getting rid of the food so it can work harder.”

Harder? 

Hadn’t the last few hours been enough? Hadn’t…

And then he heard her sobbing, the sound cutting him to the marrow of his bones. 

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” pure desperation bled from every word that left her mouth. 

This wasn’t…this didn’t sound well.

He was back to pacing. 

“Yes, you can. You’re doing so well,” the midwife assured her. 

“If I die, can you get her out?” 

And he was done. He was fucking done. 

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t listen to that. 

He was up the stairs before he could reason with himself, bursting into her room without a second thought. 

He ignored the shocked look from his mother as he ended up on his knees in front of that cauldron-forsaken bathtub…Ciara draped over the side of that, sobbing, her skin pale, hands biting into the white porcelain. 

He reached out to touch her, to push the hair away from her face, cupping her cheek, wet with tears and sweat. 

“You are not going to die,” he snarled. That was not going to happen. That was fucking unacceptable. He just got her. He was not going to lose her. “Listen to me. You are not going to die,” he gentled his voice, but still held her face…her eyes, still filled with tears…and the utter exhaustion he saw in them. “ You are going to do this.” 

“I can’t…” she whimpered. 

“Yes, you can,” he disagreed. “You can do this, Ciara,” he promised. “You are going to do this and I’ll be there every step of the way.” 

“You are nearly there. You just need to push,” Nora said quietly. “Just a few good pushes and she will be here.” 

“Come on, Ciara.” He helped her move so that she was kneeling, holding one of his hands with her… somehow worming the other one behind her shoulders, so that he could be the one holding her up and she could use all her strength for bringing her child into the world…her head ended up lolling against his shoulder, face pressed against his neck, panting against him. 

Her wings weakly twitched behind her, and he closed his eyes, for one moment just breathing in nutmeg and clementines. 

She was still there, she was alive, she was breathing. 

And they were going to do this. Together.

“When the next pain comes, listen to your body. Push down,” Nora said calmly. He had no idea what the midwife was doing and didn’t think he wanted to know, but he felt the muscles in Ciara’s body tighten, pain clearly mounting. “There we go.”

And for the first time, a shout broke free out of her throat. 

***

The unwavering strength of him, the smell of cedar and mist was the only thing that kept her calm. The only thing that kept her hanging on…against the fiery hot pain…

She screamed like she had never screamed before, clawing herself into his hand and into Esmeray’s, every bit of strength as she had concentrated on pushing . 

“Good! You are doing so good, Ciara!” Nora assured her. “Another one just like that.”

Another scream ripped out of her throat, another pain lancing her, another…and then she could feel the baby’s head break free, “Now the wings and it’s over.” 

Wha…

“Ciara. Ciara, reach down,” Azriel whispered and she listened, Nora guiding her hand…and with one more push, one slick slide…she had her baby right in her waiting hands. 

A quiet panting sob escaped her throat, as she blinked open her eyes, both hands reaching out to grab her baby under the arms,  using her fingers to support the neck and head as she brought her baby immediately up out of the water. 

“Oh,” she whispered. A gasp and then a quiet cough…and then a loud cry of surprise and Ciara brought her baby to her chest as her own sobs of relief overtook the baby’s.

Her warm little body pressed against her chest sent an instant flush of heat and relief through her entire being, body and soul.

She could feel her heartbeat right against her chest, could feel the fluttering of her wings…little black, perfect wings…

And Ciara cried her eyes out because she was finally there. 

Finally there in her arms and she was crying and she was alright and it was over and…

“You did so well,” Azriel whispered against her temple and she leaned against the arm that was still holding her up, feeling him shift…ready to leave her alone, ready to give her distance…but she didn’t want distance.  

“No, don’t,” she whispered hoarsely. “Stay. Please.”

He pressed a kiss against her temple, and she looked to watch him look down at her daughter, an expression on his face…that she could only describe as wonder. 

“She’s beautiful,” he breathed, one single scarred finger reaching out to touch the dark curls covering her head. The touch was whisper soft, nearly reverently. Like her daughter was the most precious thing he had ever had the privilege to even look at…

She fell like a ton of bricks for him right at that moment. 

At the care, he showed to both her and her daughter...that steadfast presence...that gentleness that she would have never expected from a male like him, but still was there, so very obvious... 

“Is it a girl?” Nora asked quietly.

Oh. She hadn’t even checked.  Ciara reached around her daughter and felt between her legs, pushing the still pulsing cord out of the way.

“Yes,” she said softly. “it’s a girl.” 

A girl. Just like she had thought. 

“You were right. Mother’s intuition,” Esmeray said softly. “Congratulations. She’s perfect.”

She was. She was perfect. 

Ciara gasped as another pain ran through her. 

“What’s wrong?” Azriel demanded and she clenched her teeth, pushing once again. 

“She’s fine, it’s just the afterbirth,” Nora assured him, calmly. It was the work of moments until Nora severed the cord. “Can you let her go?” she asked Ciara calmly and she hesitated for a moment before she turned to Azriel. 

“Will you…” she asked and he stared at her wide-eyed, even as Esmeray handed him a towel to wrap around her daughter. 

“You want me to hold her?” he asked her, swallowing, looking so hesitant. 

“Yes,” she agreed. Safe. Her daughter would be safe. 

So she handed her to him, pressing a kiss against her forehead...and watched as he lifted her into massive, muscular arms, softly murmuring to her as he left the bathing chamber.

Somehow, letting her go, meant that her body started shaking in the earnest as Nora and Esmeray helped clean her up. 

Her arms physically ached for her baby as much as the rest of her body throbbed with pain, exhausted and weak…shivering with something…

The water in the tub was suddenly too hot, even when she was shaking. “Oh, Ciara,” Esmeray crooned softly as she helped her stand, holding her in a warm, comforting grip. "You're alright.” 

“Don’t be scared, a lot of new mothers have this,” Nora promised her as they fished her out of the tub, wrapped her into a towel…and then into a clean nightgown, and helped her to the soft comfort of the bed…

“I need her,” she whispered, her arms aching…the pain so very present. 

“One moment, then you can have her,” Nora promised her, leaning over her, still in Azriel's arms. “I just want to check her over, then you can have all the cuddle time you two need.”

Every second seemed too long, even when Azriel finally handed her over to her again, and suddenly her little girl was in her arms again, her warm weight instantly chasing away the ache building within her…

She was wrapped into a blanket Ciara had made for her and she carefully pulled it back to look her over, memorising every detail from her little fingernails to the way her hair curled…her olive skin glowed in the first rays of the sun that just came over the horizon… admiring her until tears blurred her vision and she brought her baby back to nestle against the warmth of her chest, skin to skin. 

“She has a name yet?” Esmeray asked her softly, as she pulled up a blanket to cover both of them.   “You had a few options the last time we spoke about it,” she said with a smile to the little baby, sitting down on the edge of the bed, tucking the blanket tighter around them. 

Ciara wondered if she still knew who her mother was…if she would have done the same thing. 

She had had a few options for names…but she really only could imagine one. “Aurora,” Ciara said softly. “It means Dawn.”

“A new day breaking,” Esmeray said, smiling. “It’s beautiful. A very fitting choice, Sweetheart. Well done. Do you want a middle name?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh, I had one in mind,” Ciara agreed, a smile stealing over her face. “Though that she deciding to come today of all days worked out just perfectly…Aurora Esmeray,” she said softly. There hadn’t really been a choice in that matter. Not when Esmeray had been the one to save her life and to give her a home, to keep her safe and cared for and had never expected anything in return. “Happy Birthday.”

[utterlyotterlyx]

Hello! Can I request a fic for Helion where reader finds out she is pregnant after years of trying, where she had started being hopeless and close to giving up, and decides to surprise Helion with the news.

Hell yeah you can! x

Precious Gifts

Summary - After centuries of trying to conceive, you're just about ready to give up, that is until the Mother decides to give you the most precious gift of all.

Warnings - mentions of sex, mentions of miscarriages, depression, so much fluff that my heart can't cope.

There was nothing you wanted more than a baby.

After everything had finally come to an end and Prythian felt safe again, it seemed like to perfect time to bring your own bundle of beautiful babbling joy into the world.

Helion was your mate, the love of all of your lives, the one your soul searched for in the darkness, the one you always knew you'd find no matter what world you landed in next. He was yours and you were his and that was it.

You and Helion had tried for centuries to have a child before Amarantha, and each time your nights entangled in one another had been successful it seemed like the Mother had decided it wasn't your time yet and ripped your dream out of the palms of your hands. It was painful, and it made you feel like less of a woman, like you weren't worthy of Helion.

Of course Helion thought that notion was nonsense, he loved you for you, not what your body could give him. He remembered the moment the bond had snapped for him, he spied you walking along the sandy shores of the Day Court beach by his palace, your hair was unbound and you wore a loose fitted white dress, no shoes to be seen. Helion believed you were an angel plucked from the heavens and sent to him, so beautiful and pure, and submissive in the only way that mattered. In the bedroom.

Helion recounted the copious amounts of times he had pulled orgasm upon orgasm out of your body, turning you into a bumbling ball of pleasure beneath him that shuddered with oversensitivity as he worked you through endless highs. No one could compare to you, his old ways went out of the window abruptly, all he wanted was you.

Trying for a baby had made him so happy, the excitement in him was so clear that it hurt even more when your body failed your dreams. The sex became more of a chore, neither of you were enjoying it anymore, and it was breaking him to see you so torn and conflicted, so you decided to stop actively trying to conceive, to love yourself and your relationship again.

A babe would arrive when the time was right, Helion had cooed it to you plenty of times whilst you had cried in his arms, apologising for what you couldn't do. Helion would tell you that babes were rare, that it took some couples a few centuries to conceive their first.

Then Amarantha happened, and Helion was taken from you whilst she raided your plush libraries to the ground, taking what she wanted whilst teasing you cruelly about your failures as a woman, to not do the only thing your High Lord required of you.

You had spent fifty years ruling over the Day Court in his absence, you had spent everyday missing him and yearning for him, your touch starved body crying out for its mate. Every citizen had made it clear how well you were doing, how you did your best to not let them feel as though all was lost, it was exhausting but you did it, and the Day Court was thankful for your endless efforts to preserve their way of life.

Helion had returned, and his advisors had sent him to you, telling him you were in your usual place along the shore with your pup trotting along behind you with ears flopping in the breeze and splashing in the waves.

He had ran to you, you had both cried endlessly, and he had made love to you on that beach with the sun dipping low against the ocean and the sky kissed with orange and pink.

Then the war with Hybern, the war you doubted you'd win. But you did, and Helion had come back to you, weary and traumatised; he had fallen into your arms, and you had caressed his hair until he fell asleep on your lap.

And then finally, you both knew it was time to start again, that the reason you weren't able to withhold a pregnancy was because the Mother needed you elsewhere all of those years, she didn't want to burden you with being a single mother whilst your mate was locked away or fighting in a war to save all of Prythian.

Helion had always been the most doting and passionate lover, rolling his hips into you with perfect precision toward that spot he knew made you go wild, his lips attached to your neck, his whispers telling you how much he loved you and how good you were for him, his fingers always knowing which part of you to touch next. Helion was the best in Prythian, you were sure of it, and had no issue expressing that fact to him as he made your vision explode in a kaleidoscope of white sunshine foaming with golden fire.

Then, one morning, you felt it. The panging pain in your breasts and the slight nausea that pooled in your stomach along with the dull throb of your head. Inhaling, you gasped, noting the all too familiar change in your scent. Your hands drifted to your stomach and you smiled, tears pricked the corners of your eyes and you giggled, allowing a shaky exhale to flow from your lips.

The sun streaked through the thin curtains that danced in the summer breeze, the ocean twinkled against her light and your looked to your right to find Helion still softly dozing on his front, his body bare and perfectly sculpted. It was clear you had both slept right through to the afternoon.

Quietly, you tiptoed to your shared bathroom, filling the tub with hot water and oils to make your skin glisten, and you submerged yourself in it, you hair tied up so that it didn't get wet. You felt like you were glowing, like you could feel that swelling seed inside of you growing with each passing moment.

"Hello, My Sun," Helion purred from the doorway, his lower half covered with a thin sheet that left little to the imagination, he truly was delicious.

Your mate approached, lips still swollen from your hours long entanglement from the night before, and pressed a kiss into your hair before dropping the sheet and climbing in behind you. Helion's fingers grazed along your sides and he tugged you into his embrace, humming in relaxation as the water and oils soothed his body.

"Wine? I know you love a glass whilst you bathe," he worked his fingers into the knots of your shoulders, unknowing to your changed state due to your scent being masked by the oils and candles he had lit, ocean salt drifting through the room.

You hummed, "No, I can't drink anymore," you ran your fingers over his muscular thighs, having vivid flashbacks of you riding them the night before with shaky moans falling from your lips as you came on them.

Helion frowned, "You've never said no to a wine," he noted, huffing and moving you so that you were straddling him, you bottom half was submerged and wrapped around his nose, your nipples just reaching under the surface of the water. Helion searched your face, "What's going on?"

A bright smile beamed on your face and you reached for his hands, playing with his fingers before resting them on your stomach, "Nothing, I just can't drink anymore."

Helion looked at you with pure bewilderment before following to where his hands now lay flat against your stomach, he gasped and snapped his gaze back up to you, inhaling deeply before laughing softly, "You're pregnant," he breathed, wasting no time in bundling you into his arms and kissing you deeply, tears of pure joy flowing down his face.

"It's our turn for some happiness now," you told him, squealing in laughter when he scooped you from the tub and took you to back to bed, hovering over you with that delicious arousal you adored.

"A baby or not, I will never not be happy with you, My Sun."

Let's just say that neither of you left the bedroom for the next three days, Helion was happy to keep you wrapped up with his body, making you feel things you hadn't before, all whilst taking every opportunity to caress and whisper his love to your soon-to-be bump.

[jakelinestradlin]

Tag yourseld where your Mars take place in your birth chart ♥ Mine is on Scorpio ♥

Aries Mars

Rawness. A strong grip. Tugging a lock of hair when it gets too much. A thin line between pain and pleasure. Nails scratching down a back because of frustration. A build up. Taunts. Deliberately causing arguments because make-up sex with you feels so good. Will you take the bait? Sex feeling new each time. A fast rhythm. Confidence. Advancing towards you. Feeling protective over you. An urge to KO anyone who looks at you for more than 2 seconds. Warrior urges instigated. Persistence got me this far in life, let me show you how it works for me.

Taurus Mars

Pressure. A slow burning warmth that licks up the body. We have all the time in the world.  Every part of the body exposed to a kiss, a touch, a breath of air. Flickering of orange flames in a fireplace. A feeling of pure, unabashed sensuality when naked. Coolness of air which brushes the hairs on the back of the neck. Rooted in sexual energy. Slow and steady wins the race. Scented massages. Starting at the base of the neck. Feeling strength. Resilience. Flavored condoms. Drunk on your love. How is it possible you taste sweeter every time? The smooth column of the throat. The shadows a sunset causes dancing. Seduction is like art to me, let me paint you a masterpiece. 

Gemini Mars

Curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, but the cat had nine lives. Opening up to try different things. Trying to do too many things at once. Falling on the floor so we stay there. A combination of arms and legs. Head cocked to one side. Observing you from a different angle. Slanted eyes. A feeling of pressure that’s quick but growing in acuteness. Busy hands. Roaming fingers. Lights on or off it doesn’t matter. I can still picture you. In my mind. With my eyes closed. You’re a permanent imprint on my psyche. My desire resides on the mental plane. Whispering all the things I want to do to you. Biting an ear lobe. Wanting to learn about every inch of your body. Tell me your fantasies and watch how fast I bring it to you in real time.

Cancer Mars

Baby. But I can take control. It depends how I feel. An emotionally charged touch. Hearts in sync. A vivid imagination. Role-playing. Wearing that outfit, I know has that effect on you. Playing coy. If I’m feeling sad, I might insist we stay wrapped in each other’s arms, just for a while. Is that OK? A stormy kind of desire. Waking up to kisses. Not wanting to sleep because this moment is all I ever dreamed of. This feels like home. Checking in with you. A sensitive kind of love. Hold me tight. So tight I can’t breathe. Only then will it feel right. TLC. Crying before, during and after sex. I can’t help it. A sudden wave of desire, greedy in nature. Strong feelings of lust. My fervor for you is bottomless, this is but a small representation of its total expression.

Leo Mars

Doing it in the mirror so I can show you how beautiful you look. Don’t be shy. Rose petals on the bed. Even more rose petals on the floor. I Wanna perform for you. An effortless performance, start to finish. This is what you signed up for. Let me deliver my end of the deal. Pride in the bedroom. Forgetting about past lovers. At the moment of release, saying my name soothes the lion inside that bares it’s teeth when you’re underneath me. Aggression. Feeling royal together. Round one barely took the edge off. Leaving my mark on you. The bedroom feels like a hunting ground. Running isn’t an option. Pleasure in all its forms. Can you tame the beast?

Virgo Mars

Acting reserved in public but it’s a different story behind closed doors. Who knew? Not afraid to get dirty with you. Voyeurism. Less stress. Surrendering to pleasure and not feeling guilty for it. Peace with the imperfection of this ritual. Perfection out of the window. Lust making a direct entrance, front and center. Tasting you. And then kissing you. Tasting us. Fresh sheets. Getting equally turned on watching you get dressed vs watching you get undressed. When we’re done, cleaning you as an act of service. Submission. A routine that brings order to a chaotic life. If I tell you how crucial this is to my well-being, will you look down on me?

Libra Mars

Fluid. Fluidity in our movements. You first, then me. Close your eyes if you like. There’s no rush. I like being here with you. Who said romance was dead? Wants and desires expressed with you in mind. Sleepy sex. In the throes of passion, you still look like a masterpiece. Can’t get enough. Delicate petals of a rose. Instinctively knowing how to get you off. Licking my lips. And then licking you down there. Playing with you with finesse. How does this feel? Dressing up, just for you. A breathy sigh released in the crook of the neck. Scented candles. Not knowing where each other begins and ends. Not caring. A true union of souls. Sharing this helps me to forget about inner turmoil, if only for a little while.

Scorpio Mars

Enticement. Pupils full and unblinking. Space between us lasts for a second. Who are we kidding? Sharing oxygen. Sucking on your bottom lip. Eyes on me. That’s not a request. Wanting to watch you fall apart. A wet trail left by a tongue. Those kinds of toys. Do you trust me? Show me how much. Fingers pressed into the skin, hard. A ghostly handprint on the skin flashes on the surface of the skin for a heartbeat. Teeth tease the throb of a pulse point. Blood rushing. Be brave enough to discover the intensity of my feelings and be sucked under. Only to rise up in levels in consciousness of a spiritual plane. Love is transformational. I’m willing to show you what you do to me. Don’t run.

Sagittarius Mars

Free rein. Sex with the possibility of being exposed. Down for whatever. Bluntness. Desires expressed with no shame. A finger over the lips. Playing to win. Feeling energized when rolling around the sheets. Nothing is off limits. Fantasies coming true. No strings attached. Watch me do you. Laughter as foreplay. Relax with me. You may have tried this position before but with me it’s different. Let’s get physical. A work out. Kissing you to muffle your screams. Messy hair. Messy sheets. How did this end up in the bed? Mundane details of life losing their importance when we’re together. Feeling the strength coursing through the thighs. I would risk getting caught with you.

Capricorn Mars

A hand on your waist in public, a hand on your throat in secret. Trust me, it feels better when you wait. Limits pushed. Burning up. Debauchery. I won’t tell. It’s our little secret. Experience is a turn on. Standards are a turn on. A sense of control. Mastery. I know this game in and out. Sex is all about power at the end of the day. Soft bristles of a whip, barely brushing the spine. I know how to do this with my eyes closed. How do you feel about blindfolds? Vulnerability. Replaying these moments, we share in inappropriate places. Seductive e-mails. Legs pressed tightly together. Having power over you is an accolade I hold close to my heart, not something I take for granted.

Aquarius Mars

Electric. Electricity when our fingers touch. Permission to be one’s free, authentic self. A non-judgement zones. Non-physical forms of affection. I’m open to trying something new with you. Inviting other people into the picture but only you can make me feel this way. Incorporating technology to add a new flavor. Feeling closer to you in group sex. Conversations intermingling within the very act of sex. Noses brushing against each other faintly. Deep eye-contact feels orgasmic. Hearing soft vibrations in the air before you feel it. Swirling galaxies. My thoughts are consumed by you nowadays, but I’m OK with that.

Pisces Mars

Altered states of consciousness. The bliss that comes when feeling wholly accepted. Complete adoration. Eyes locked. A desire to merge together. Skinny-dipping under the cloak of the night. Who cares if we get caught. No restrictions. A transcendent experience. Artistic nudes. A photo album on my phone. Dedicated to you. Boundaries teased. Biting my lip to control myself but failing. Kisses on the forehead. Reverence. I can morph into whoever you want me to. Kissing you, but my eyes are open. Moments of silence. Desires expressed without words. The sweetest dreams. Every time feels like a little death, only to be reborn again.  

[melonsodypop]

yakuza men and their favorite positions !

❈ pairing - kazuma kiryu, goro majima, taiga saejima, shun akiyama, y0!akira nishikiyama, daigo dojima/afab!reader (all separate) ❈ tags - nsfw, minors dni, bullet list headcanons, no gendered pronouns or terms used, penetrative sex, use of nicknames (doll, babe, baby, darling), bulge kink (kiryu), brief mention of spanking and choking (majima), light degradation (majima), size kink (saejima), dacryphilia/mention of reader receiving oral (akiyama), mention of exhibitionism/semipublic s3x (daigo)

kazuma kiryu ❈ missionary

let's face it, the dragon of dojima is about as vanilla as they come

it would probably take a long time of dating him before things ever got past just a heavy makeout sesh - not because he doesn't trust you, but he just doesn't trust himself to make it an enjoyable experience for you

so when you two finally decide to take things to the bed, he lays you down gently on your back and decides to go the tried and true way

if you call him out on it he stammers and insists he's just old-fashioned

what he won't tell you is that he's so enamored with you that he can't bear the thought of any position where he can't look you in the eyes and see your cute face. anything else just seems impersonal and that's not kiryu's style

he keeps a close eye on your facial expressions as he's thrusting into you - he knows he's a little bigger than average and so he's ready to stop as soon as he sees the smallest indication of pain

that all goes flying out the window though once you get adjusted to him and it actually starts feeling good - kiryu ends up burying his face in your neck to muffle his groans as his hips pick up the pace

god forbid if he ends up looking down to see the bulge forming in your lower belly every time he bottoms out - kiryu likes to think he's a pretty disciplined man and can hold himself back 9 times out of 10, but he's not gonna be able to let you out of his grasp after he finds out how hard that gets him

goro majima ❈ doggy

ok yeah how surprising i gave the mad dog of shimano doggy BUT HEAR ME OUT

for majima, it's less about seeing your ass and more about the satisfaction of just bending you over whatever surface is nearby when the mood strikes

(though, by god, he does very much appreciate your ass, and he'll let you know by leaving a few handprints on it)

he absolutely looooves the way that you mewl and start scrambling for purchase on whatever random furniture item he's decided to push you onto this time

you just know you're going to have bruises on your hips from the way his glove-clad fingers are digging into them, keeping you pinned down as he ruts wildly into you from behind like an animal in heat

have i also mentioned that goro majima cannot shut the fuck up while he's inside you?

one of his absolute favorite things to do is to wrap one arm around your waist and one hand around your throat, forcing your upper half to arch up against his bare chest and whispering/cooing all sorts of nasty shit in your ear so you clench around him

"look at'cha, doll, drooling from both ends - what, ya like being fucked from behind like this? letting me push ya on any damn surface i want? dirty little thing"

yeah he's nasty

taiga saejima ❈ mating press

saejima's always been acutely aware of just how huge he is compared to the average person, being 6'3 and built like a brick wall

he silently takes a lot of pride in it, as its part of what makes him so strong

so, yeah, he's gonna have a little bit of a size kink, and a position like mating press that lets him absolutely engulf your (relatively) tiny body in his drives him absolutely crazy

the protective instinct in him is also satiated by the fact that you're entirely in his grasp, wrapping his arms around you and shielding you from the outside world

not surprisingly, he's HUNG, and he likes that by folding you in half he can stuff as many inches of his girth as deep into your warmth as he humanly can

he'd be afraid to put all of his weight onto you or be too rough at first, trying to hold back so he doesn't completely crush you or split you in half

but when you start whimpering and looking at him with those glassy eyes, begging him to go faster, all hell breaks loose

hope you weren't planning to walk the next day, because saejima's focus is solely going to be on fucking you into the mattress until you're begging him to stop

shun akiyama ❈ cowgirl

though akiyama obliges without missing a beat the second his darling asks him to get on top, those moments when you push him back onto the bed and straddle his hips is when he's truly on cloud nine

akiyama loves getting to be a bit lazy, much preferring to lay back and look pretty while you take the lead

oh, and he gets your pretty tits bouncing in his face, too? safe to say he's having the time of his life

he much prefers when you face him, too, as opposed to reverse cowgirl - mostly because he can't get enough of the way your face twists and contorts when you're bouncing on his cock

he's so mean, too, purposefully ignoring your signs of exhaustion until you've completely stopped rolling your hips, the pout on your lips just so damn cute to him

"what's wrong, babe? too tired to finish what you started?"

there's that shit-eating smirk on his lips and his eyes gleam with mischief, and you already knows what he wants

he makes you beg for him to help you finish, teasing you with little rolls and thrusts of his hips up into you but never actually finishing the job until he thinks he's tormented you enough

"shh, alright, alright, baby," he'd coo, reaching up to wipe your tears and push a strand of hair out of your face, pressing his lips to your forehead. "i'll help you out, since you asked so nicely..."

he doesn't make you wait any longer, gripping your hips tightly and thrusting up into you, determined to make you fall apart - and probably again with you sitting on his face if he's so lucky

akira nishikiyama ❈ prone bone

as much as he tries to deny it and act like the tough yakuza gangster he's supposed to be, if nishiki could open your skin and crawl into it he probably would

prone bone's probably the closest he's going to get, though, pinning you to the mattress with every inch of his front pressed to your back as he ruts his cock into you is just enough skin contact to satiate his need to be as close to you as he can

he loves to tease you, making you beg and playing hard to get - but as soon as he feels your sweet walls wrapped around his aching length he crumbles

he'd keep your head supported with his arms underneath it, babbling out a string of praises and affections into your ear as he loses himself in the feeling of burying himself into your wet pussy

he's also glad that this position doesn't let you see his face, so you can't see just how wrecked he is - his pretty hair falling over his face and plastered to his forehead with sweat, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen and eyes gleaming with pleasured tears

he only presses his weight down more if he feels you start to squirm, pulling you back onto his length when you subconsciously try to get away from the overwhelming pleasure he's giving you

"no, no, stay, don't leave me, just stay right here w'me - fuck, you feel so good, baby..."

absolutely the type to collapse on top of you after he cums, just basking in the afterglow and the feeling of his sweaty skin sticking to yours

just laughs when you whine and tell him to get off of you. "nah, think i just wanna stay like this for a bit," he chuckles, pressing kisses to the nape of your neck. what he doesn't tell you is that he'd stay like that forever, if he could.

daigo dojima ❈ chair reverse cowgirl

admittedly, when you first started dating, this was not daigo's favorite

he much preferred being able to have you in an actual bed, where he can look you in the eyes and fuck you properly

but being the chairman is not a leisurely occupation, and he found himself only being able to have you in little quickies here and there

he always sort of resented this fact until you two got a little too hot and heavy while sitting in his lap in his office, and well... one thing lead to another

he found himself thrusting up into you from below while you sat in his lap, your head lolling back against his shoulder and your slick dripping onto the leather chair

it was so improper. filthy. disgraceful, even. daigo fucking loved it

something about you being in his lap, his hand clamped over your mouth as he desperately thrust into your core from below made him so hard he could feel it in his teeth

"keep it down, darling. you wouldn't want somebody knowing what we're doing in here, would you?"

in truth, he knows the office is soundproof, knows that no one would dare barge in on the tojo clan chairman unannounced - but the thought of someone coming in and seeing you like this, seeing him claiming you so thoroughly, has his orgasm already starting to build at the base of his spine

and he knows it arouses you too, chuckling softly against your neck as he feels you clench down tightly around his length

daigo still has to be proper, attend to his duties as they come up - but ever since that day, he relishes the few opportunities he gets to pull you into his office and ravish you on his lap again

[dontyoufinditstrange]

From Under The Cork Tree Lyrics That Alter My Brain Chemistry

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

"the ribbon on my wrist says 'do not open before christmas'" "we're only liars, but we're the best" "its just past 8 and i'm feeling young and reckless"

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

"i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive, now i only waste it dreaming of you" "we're sleeping through all the memories"

Dance, Dance

"tonight it's 'it can't get much worse' versus ' no one should ever feel like'" "i'm two quarters and a heart down" "and i don't wanna forget how your voice sounds" "these words are all i have so i'll write them so you need them just to get by" "this is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loves me"

Sugar, We're Going Down

"i'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song" "a loaded god complex, cock it and pull it" "isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him?"

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

"i keep my jealousy close cause its all mine" "hand behind this pen relives a failure every day" "so wear me like a locket around your throat, i'll wear you down, i'll watch you choke"

I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)

"we're the kids who feel like dead ends" "and the poets are just kids who didnt make it and never had it at all" "force our smiles, baby, half dead, from comparing myself to everyone else around me" "please put the doctor on the phone cause i'm not making any sense" "blame everyone but me for this mess" "and my back has been breaking from this heavy heart" "i'm hopelessly hopeful you're just hopeless enough"

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

"i keep tellin myself, i keep tellin myself i'm not the desperate type, but you've got me looking through blinds" "trying to forget everything that isn't you" "i'm not going home alone, cause i dont do too well on my own"

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year

"cause i swear i'd burn the city down to show you the light" "no matter what they say, don't believe a word" "cause i'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it" "take our tears, put em on ice" "ashamed of the way the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts" "got a sunset in my veins" "i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay" "i need to keep you like this in my mind"

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

"you are a getaway car, rush of blood to the head" "we only do it for the scars and stories, but not the fame" "at least everyone is trying, everyone is shining, everyone deserves the flames, but its such a shame" "the sounds of this small town make my ears hurt" "the tide's out, the ship's run aground, we drown traitors in shallow water"

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

"you're the only place that feels like home" "i'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends" "i am sorry my conscience called in sick again" "i've got arrogance down to a science" "they call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone" "but for what we've become we just feel more alone" "so progress report: i am missing you to death"

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

"you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with and i'm just the boy who's had too many chances" "i don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it" "write me off, give up on me, cause darling what did you expect?"

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"we never stood a chance and i'm not sure if it matters" "i'm mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town" "i know this hurts, it was meant to" "it's mind over you don't, don't matter" "it must be said again that all us boys are just screaming into microphones for attention because we're just so bored" "we never knew that you would pick it apart" "i'm falling apart to songs about hips and hearts"

XO

"i left my conscience pressed between the pages of the bible in the drawer" "love never wanted me, but i took it anyway" "choose love or sympathy" "loose lips sink ships"

[goliig68]

19 days fic rec

Recommending some of my favourite fics cuz why not! (With no particular order! I'm just starting from the first fic I read until the recent one)

I'm Not A Prostitute by traceytries

( E | 137,970 | 21/? )

He Tian and Red become fuckbuddies. This is an excuse for a whole lot of sexy times and the eventual feelings that come with it.

Note: my comfort fic for real❤ ( ch 10, 20 and 21 screaming at me BITCH WHAT COMFORT????) no but seriously, I really love this fic, a great combination of smut, angst and feelings. Would 100% recommend it 👌

nothing's gonna hurt you, baby by powerandpathos

( M | 50,318 | 7/7 )

Guan Shan's father leaves his family for work in New York at the beginning of the First World War — and is never heard from again.

In the autumn of 1928, thirteen years later, Guan Shan makes his own way to lower Manhattan's Little China to find him, with only the name of the man who signed his father's contract.

When he finds himself falling into the world of America's Roaring Twenties and Tong Wars, and everyone he meets is not quite as they seem, finding his father turns out to be much more complicated than he’d thought.

Note: this fic is a novel quality, like God I'm speechless. I love all the 30s vibe I got from this fic. I love everything about this fic. plot, dialogues and characterization everything about it is awesome.

Aphorism by powerandpathos

( E | 124,529 | 38/38 )

Jian Yi fell back into Zhengxi's life as if he had never gone; He Tian wanted Guan Shan in his and for him to never leave. But this isn't middle school, and they are no longer children, and nothing is that simple anymore.

Note: so angsty, so beautiful. A true masterpiece. I really cannot explain with words that how beautiful this fic is. I really loved how peaceful ending was. Just read it you won't regret it.

unstoppable force // immovable object by welcome2atlantis

( M | 78,173 | 9/? )

Mo Guanshan's latest contractual obligation is He Tian, mafia brat and resident pain in the ass. Only, it's less Mo working security, and more Mo playing nanny and trying to out stubborn his client.

or

Bodyguard!Mo suffers through He Tian's antics and accidentally falls for him in the process.

Note: a funny but also angsty story. I really love the interaction between characters, they really close to the canon (in my opinion) basically he tian is insufferable and guan shan suffers from that 😂 but also guan shan is gay and he tian is sexy and again guan shan suffers from that😂😂 some mental health issues will be discussed in this fic, so be warned if it triggers you.

Still Tripping Over You by AtomicNebula13

( E | 13,733 | 2/2 )

“Little Mo, don't drink anymore.”

The words fall on deaf ears as the slimmer man tries to keep his hold on the bottle but He Tian manages to wrestle it from him, causing some of the liquor to dribble down the redheads chin and neck. Mo stumbles a bit, unsteady on his feet but He Tian's arm wraps around his back to help him regain his balance.

“Stop drinking okay?” He Tian whispers into Mo's ear, knowing that if he doesn't stop him, the other man will most likely get sick. Mo is already sure to have a raging hangover tomorrow.

Bracing himself for harsh words or for Mo to push him away, he is taken aback when Mo clutches onto him, burying his flushed face into He Tian's neck.

Words are slurred out, muffled by his position so He Tian has to hold Mo closer to catch them.

“Chicken dick He... came back?”

Note: a hot, sexy, smuty fic🔥🔥 I'm shamelessly hoping something like this happens in the next Xmas chapter but china's censorship laws...😒 anyway! Just read it, the sex scene is very hot and detailed!

doubtful redemptions by figglypudding

( E | 20,979 | 2/5 )

“I won’t pepper you with personal questions. I won’t offer unsolicited advice or judgment. And I’ll play by your rules.”

His hand slid up from Mo’s wrist to wrap around his angry fist, bringing it towards him until its knuckles rested against his curving mouth. “And in exchange, you'll allow me to show you what it’s like to have a client that actually cares about your pleasure.”

*FORMERLY TITLED these violent delights*

Note: a dark and agsty au. I really love the description of characters, places, surroundings and everything and I'm really curious to know how the relationship between he tian and mo will develop! Please pay attention to tags and author's notes, when I said it's a dark au I really mean it! (Please check out author's other works in 19 days fandom! They are all great, and author has a great talent in writing hot and detailed smut scenes 🔥👌)

Found in Translation by mgsdays (regencyaus)

( T | 11,890 | 1/1 )

They meet on a train, going through a rural area in China. He Tian's feeling disillusioned with his brother and is running from the business meeting he's supposed to be in in Shanghai. That's about the time the hot redhead enters the train car and sits opposite him, murmured 'scuse me falling quietly from his lips.

One problem. Well, two: the guy is on the wrong seat. He Tian knows that he is because He Tian bought out every seat in the train car. He has no way to let the guy know that, considering He Tian doesn't speak a word of Chinese besides ni hao and his own name.

Which leads to problem two: redhead is breathtaking, fucking beautiful, and has an attitude to boot, and He Tian really, truly needs to make out with him, which will be difficult, considering, yeah, He Tian doesn't speak a word of Chinese besides ni hao and his own name.

He has a few hours on this train. It's going to be a long ride.

Note: so cute and wholesome💞 I was smiling the whole time reading it. I literally laughed when he tian was trying to show mo that they should kiss😂 really loved it!

lanterns on the lake by powerandpathos

( T | 17,760 | 1/1)

‘Will you kiss me?’

He Tian’s mouth opens, and he searches Guan Shan’s face, looking for something. He hasn’t taken a single step forward.

‘You’re really drunk,’ he says eventually.

‘So you won’t.’

‘Ah, fuck. Guan Shan.’ He chuckles without humour and scratches the back of his neck. ‘Listen to yourself—you barely let me touch you in case someone sees and now you want me to kiss you? That doesn’t make sense. It makes me feel a bit used, to be honest.’

Guan Shan pulls on a defiant expression. ‘Do you care?’

‘You won’t like me if I say no, so I’m going to say nothing.’

Note: oh man, wish I could add every fic written by powerandpathos here... this fic is so amazing, so angsty. I nearly fucking cried, I couldn't with all of feelings put in this fic, like, oh my god. Just read it, That's all I have to say.

fire and the flood by fayre

( M | 33,643 | 5/35 )

At this point, Guan Shan is no longer sure if it’s in his nature or if it’s been nurtured by the war.

After all, you can only nurture the best of the best when the world is slowly coming to a fucking end.

 or: Pacific Rim AU, in which Guan Shan is a hopeless recruit, He Tian is a legacy more than anyone can handle, and the world is crashing down around their ears faster than they can process. It's a matter of finding something worth fighting for — but their futures are slipping through their fingers with every passing minute.

Note: this is like...my all time favourite au. Just seeing the "Pacific rim au" made me drop whatever I was doing and read this for the rest of day. And now I'm HOOKED and I'm thinking about this fic every day. I Don't know if author has any plans continuing this fic or no so enjoy what there is for now :')

True north by fayre

( M | 34,946 | 4/? )

“Do you think I’ll kill you?”

He Tian swallows. Says, “Not particularly.”

A pause. The night swallows them whole, relentless, and He Tian wishes it’d do a better job at hiding the expression Guan Shan shows him now.

“Do you think I should?” Guan Shan asks him.

“That’s not my decision to make.”

“But it was,” Guan Shan says, voice rough. “That night. I think you should’ve killed me. I think it would’ve been easier.”

And He Tian, staring at the ceiling, his spine digging into the floorboards, and far too aware of those amber eyes piercing him through the dark, says: “I think so, too.”

Note: a shapeshifter, historical fantasy au. I think about this fic every day too :') I'm literally dying to know how the relationship between he tian and guan would develop. Between two enemies who only know how to interact with their claws and arrows.

Vulnerability by powerandpathos

( E | 7,811 | 1/1 )

He Tian and Guan Shan try something new (aka bottom!He Tian)

Note: I know that not everyone are a big fan of bottom!He tian, but if you're like me, like to see he tian in vulnerable and submissive positions, then this fic is for you😈

desecration by fayre

( M | 29,719 | 5/11 )

It couldn’t have meant so little, stardust in the face of planets. It couldn’t have meant so little because, if it did, Guan Shan would no longer be able to recognize himself as the person he became in the aftermath. He’d be hollowed out, stripped of the lessons learned and the perspectives changed like loose threads on a tapestry being pulled apart. He couldn’t bear the thought that all of this — the fighting, the understanding, the falling, the loss, the violent and unceremonious unearthing — had been for nothing.

It was too painful to have been for nothing.

 or: seven years later, he tian and jian yi return home. everyone has some healing to do.

Note: forget everything from Xmas special chapters. This is, this is the shit. This is the real angsty shit. That kind of angst that breaks your heart and you can hear the shattering. I have to check the tags every time to make sure it's happy ending😭 ( read everything written by fayre, all of their fics are beautiful and well written)

fairy tales by powerandpathos

( M | 18,001 | 1/1 )

‘You’re looking for a way out,’ he says quietly. ‘You think I’m everythin’ you're not. Free to say what I want, be where I want to be. None of it’s real.’

‘You make it easy to feel like it is.’

Guan Shan nods. Knowing he’s only met Prince He Tian three times, and knowing the truth of it is inexplicable, he says, ‘So do you.’

Note: AHHHH I really love this fic, it's really beautiful🥹💞 Prince!he tian falling in love with guan shan at the first sight. It's a beautiful royalty au.

I hold you, you hold me by Asfodel

( T | 4,434 | 1/1 )

He Tian, tall, handsome, dapper He Tian could be considered great in a lot of areas. People around him praised his manners, his perfect grades, his hand writing was neat, he was athletic, eloquent, charming and self-aware enough to be absurdly confident. Guan Shan would add that he was also excellent at being a pain in the ass.

Sleeping, however, wasn’t his forte.

-

Or He Tian has nightmares but he also has Guan Shan.

Note: this fic is really beautiful, wholesome and lovely 😭💞💞 it's also very underrated, please go read it, it literally swooned my heart ❤

Aaaand that's all! I wanted to add every fic I've read but it's already getting too long so I added the ones I really, really liked! But please read every fic written by these authors, every each of them are great and talented authors, and they have written great fics for 19 days fandom! Thank you to all authors out there, yall are amazing and I love you😭❤🫂

[judas-is-scary]

So I really liked Zoom Academy for Superheros as a kid, a widely panned kids movie from 2007 starring Tim Allen. I rewatched it fairly recently and wrote a little thing, I never ended up posting it. But here it is for funsies, I've never posted any fanfic before and I have no spelling skills. I hope anyone who also remembers this weirdly dark childrens movie likes it.

Its similar to the story you know

It starts the same, a lone survivor barely 17 powerless in the desert. The bodies of three friends scattered around him and a brother gone. Nothing left to bury.

The sheer amount of nuclear energy released by the vortex jack creates finds it's way into the atmosphere. Resulting in a generation of children born with powers. Not enough to cause a fuss but the neighbours aren't too surprised when Cindy uproots a tree to shake out her frisby. Kevin down the street can make little wind gusts, Cindy's power level though is enough to catch attention.

As is Dylan's, Summers and Tuckers, when he uses it that is.

So they all end up in that miltary base. Jack with the promise of money if trains them, he rather take the carrot than stick. The jail he'd end up in probably looks less like a prison and more like a fresh ditch and bullet in the head.

The kids go of course because they're parents say so and so does the military. Their parents sign waivers and are fairly compensated for their loss. On that day they go from children to military assets, an important distinction where legality is concerned.

The story is much the same, jack is jaded, the children adjust as best they can to their environment. Holloway gives encouragement as best she can knowing she is likely sending children to die.

Better a heros death she tells herself, they'll get comic books written about them just like jack. The comic books don't mention that he's always late thinking he'll get there faster than he can, or that he's deaf in one ear, or that below the left knee he is metal.

They expose the children to gamma, of course they do. One child's life is not worth what Concussion could do. Dylan is the first. They reason better the invisible kid go crazy than one that can lift a truck. It unlocks his clairvoyance `mindsight` jack calls it. He vomits for days afterward but he does not go crazy and he does not die.

Concussion shows up before the military can dose the rest. Jacks powers reactivate to save Cindy. To this day there is still shrapnel in her arm from shards of the metal net, too small for the surgeons.

Concussion sends back the rocks that summer throws at him, most miss. One doesn't, it hits her right in the eye. Cindy thinks the eyepatch she wears after is cool so summer does mind too much.

Tucker manages a good hit in before a blast sends him into rocks that leaves him paralysed from the waist down. He always says it could be worse, if he lost an eye like summer, that would be it. God forbid the world be deprived of his baby blues.

Dylan comes out relatively unscathed. The gamma damage stays however, it was a miracle that jack lived past 40 and it will be another if he does.

Connor is saved. Thanks to jack, Concussion is just his big brother again. Still 19 and no longer trapped in a space between here and now.

Jack however, there is a reason his powers stopped working. It isn't a mental block caused by the pain of losing his family. It was self defence. The speeds he could move at weren't sustainable on his body, especially after the first vortex. So his body shut it down.

He is nearing 50, he is not 17, his body gives up. Jack is Zoom for a fight, jack gets to be Zoom once more before he drops from exertion and does not get up.

Summer and the rest take the ship and Connor. You can't track space tec, staying hidden helps when you've got a friend that can see around corners. They live in a house a little bit too small for them in a city easy to get lost in and try to adjust back to civilian life.

Connor is old enough to pose as an older brother and the kids get to go back to school. It's easier to make friends now at least, high school bullies aren't very scary anymore. Connor disappeared in the 80s so the all the technolgy is a riot. He misses he brother and blames himself for his orginal teams deaths.

The new family helps him move on. When Cindy finishes high school they move out to a farm. Summer finds business is easy when you can sense emotion, so money isn't a problem.

Cindy can lift all the heavy objects she wants. Summer loves the animals and tucker is a mean cook. Dylan learns to garden. Connor fixes stuff when it breaks and retrofits tuckers chair with tracks and others gadgets inspired by the ships design.

There is a horse named jack because he's the fastest they have and whenever the gang needs a break they go brush him. Everyone knows it means to leave them be. They all have their own demons.

They sell things at the famers market. The community is endeared if confused by the odd family. They don't ask questions, they are all out here for their own reasons and tucker makes the best pies in town.

They heal, away from the military. They are not heroes. They are a family and they are happy.

[mortaltravailed]

stares wistfully at his baby brother from behind the bar counter. because if that isn't a classic diluc ragnvindr "i miss you but i don't know how to say it" moment, then what is ?

as ever, the cavalry captain is the life and soul of the party.

flitting from table to table as though the angel's share were a ballroom in place of a tavern, he moves with grace and confidence, charming and smiling his way through most of the bar's occupants with ease. with death after noon in low supply, he's paradoxically no less jolly and rosy-cheeked than usual.

but when he finds his mark, he sticks to them like glue for the rest of the night until they're stumbling out of the door together by the end, a mess of slurred speech and entangled limbs.

on their way out, his eye catches diluc's gaze, ever-watchful from his perch behind the bar. as he waves his goodbye, the smile on kaeya's lips is telling: he's got no intention of following through on the sweet nothings he'd been whispering into all-too eager ears just minutes prior. ignorance is bliss, it seems, for he appears too focused on achieving his own ends to notice his brother's unspoken distress.

kaeya's own recognition of the truth remains equally unspoken, in kind.

if he allowed it to show, people would see the both of them for what they were: two broken-hearted boys, no less caring, and hurting bitterly in one another's absence. yet it was safer to keep one another at arm's length, to maintain their frosty indifference and play the parts they've assigned to each other.

everything was a front: the alluring smiles, the cheerfully painted door to his townhouse -- even the very walls of mondstadt themselves hid his ugly, painful truths from the world, stuffed deep within the recesses of loose brickwork.

and kaeya preferred it remain that way.

come daybreak, he would attach the night's findings to the leg of the carrier pigeon at his window and let it loose. it was one of many letters that would find its way to the winery, and with it came an inability to distance diluc in absolutely everything he did, which seemed much too inhumane in sharp contrast to what had unfolded behind the locked doors of his home.

words that he had not the courage to speak out loud, but could just about manage under the safety of anonymity:

"be sure to take care of yourself."

[evermorehqs]

CATCHING MY BREATH, STARING OUT AN OPEN WINDOW

Maude Gothel is based on Mother Gothel from Tangled. She is a temporarily immortal human, plastic surgeon, and uses she/her pronouns. She has no powers. Maude is portrayed by Michelle Yeoh and she is taken.

CATCHING MY DEATH, AND I COULDN’T BE SURE

She was an actress, a singer, she was a star. She was young and beautiful and she had the world at her fingertips... for a limited time. With each wrinkle that tainted her fair skin, every streak of gray sprouting from her scalp, Maude Gothel could feel her potential wasting away. She was destined for more, far more than one lifetime had to offer. Fearful of death and even more so of growing old, she began to scour the world for answers and, after decades of luckless endeavors, she was pointed in the right direction. The sundrop flower allowed her to thrive for hundreds of years. Even after her decision to retire from the show business altogether she continued to hoard its power, too afraid of death and aging to let it go. Until someone uprooted her life source for a measly little baby, that was. Kidnapping Rapunzel was only partially out of spite; she needed the girl’s power, and in turn, her. It wasn’t an ideal situation, leaving her own young child to fend for herself while fleeing to lock Rapunzel in a tower away from the rest of the world. She’d much prefer singing to a flower than a snotty nosed princess. But she’d lived long enough to know that life could be less than ideal. She knew that she couldn’t shield Rapunzel forever, she knew that the girl wouldn’t live forever, but she hadn’t found another solution when the truth came out. All thanks to a sweet talking con-artist. Once again on the run, Maude was forced to watch herself grow older by the day, a slow suffering until all of the magic was drained from her... and then, she would assume, all at once. The more she searched, the more certain she became that she would have to accept the end was near. But Maude Gothel was not a quitter and, eventually, it came to her. She heard whispers of Evermore; from who, she wouldn’t say — no, she couldn’t say, for as she drove into town, that memory was wiped clean. She had been told she would find what she was seeking there. Perhaps it had been blind trust, perhaps there was proof, but whatever the reason she’d gone along with it. What she wasn’t counting on was Rapunzel arriving shortly after with a deeper amnesia of her own. Maude wasn’t the puppeteer behind that one, but now, if she played her cards right, she could avoid it all falling apart again. What a happy coincidence. 

I HAD A FEELING SO PECULIAR

❀ Winslow Poole: The absolute bane of her existence. A flare for dramatics, Maude would swear she’d rather shove forks into her ears than listen to this poor fool ramble on. That doesn’t stop him from seeking her out, and she’s not sure how much clearer she can make it to him. ❀ Cruella Da Vil: Maude doesn’t have real friends, but Cruella is as close as they come. Sure, she’d stab her in the back in a heartbeat, but she knows the feeling is mutual, and she respects the younger woman for her cruelty. For now, she enjoys their over tea gossip. ❀ Anastasia Tremaine: Ah, to be young and beautiful again... young and beautiful without thousand year old joints. Maude thinks it’s simply unfair, and if she could ever convince her to make an appointment, she wouldn’t hesitate to give her a botched nose job.

THAT THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE

[brighteyesredfire]

SUPERGIANT ROUNDUP BASTION / TRANSISTOR / PYRE / HADES

compiling thoughts on games ive played. i may go back and edit these over time bc i like to ramble and maybe ill have a thought later about things to add. woo

🌟 BASTION (2011) | 10/10 4 million stars

THE game of all time. i think i bought and played this when the indie humble bundle (one of the first of its kind) slapped it together with limbo, psychonauts, amnesia and sword and sorcery (i have the art jen zee drew to advertise that on my wall still).

remarkable then and now for being a game i replayed like a madman and loved soooooo muuuuuuuuuch its ridiculous. the art direction will always be very impactful on me i think, jen zee i love ur stuff 4ever <3333333 the music is also still incredible, spike in a rail is iconic as ever, and logan cunningham's voice will always hit perfectly on the ears as rucks. this game was also the first major fandom i was in on this site and it could fit inside one tinychat lol, i have retained alot of the friendships i made from it back then, its an experience i can never untie from the actual game.

ive always liked isometric smash and whack games, most likely due to this games influence on me, but it was also just... one of the first big games i loved as a budding tween, so almost everything about i think with fondess, im recalling how the upgrade areas looked like rn and its making me smile. i made an askblog about a character from this game, we made a physical fanbook that got handed to devs at a con (i think the vid of them reacting to it is now lost to time) its deep bro its deep in my bones.

/ spoilers from here /

bastion's story i still also enjoy as dour as it is, and the choice at the end, between continuing the cycle of apocalyptic doom or build a new future with the remains, its still interesting to me. relive the past before it goes wrong and experience the fresh pain over and over or move on with grave of genocide ringing in your ears and the cunt of an old man on the same floating rock with you. augh!

🌟 TRANSISTOR (2014) | 6/10 stars it is a game and i think that's great

played this game front to back full the day it came out on my mothers computer and cried like a bitch at the end while liveblogging it. to this day i remember the combat being too much for my stupid little brain to comprehend and would get my ass beat constantly but the jen zee art and sword boyfriend and my loyalty to SG kept the brain alive.

MAYBE it would less of a pain in the ass for me to play now but the plotting out before you enforce the combo hurt my brain. i dont think ahead okay. ow. ow.

As with all SG games the art was incredible though they drew from really interesting influences for a sci fi take, and this ost with the addition of a bunch more vocal tracks (due to red being a singer) is sooo good. i have a version of the album of the glitched out versions of the songs ripped from the gameplay, delicious nyam nyam.

/ spoilers from here /

the story is like a traditional tragedy and the first showing of some great supergiant #buryyourgays but i still cry like a baby listening to paper boats so FML !!!!!!!!! i think that song affects me more than setting sail / coming home from bastion actually at this point (time to go find the orchestra pax vid and loop it)

🌟 PYRE (2017) | 9/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i liked pyre like 10 steps more than transistor its not even funny 😂 the world has a more fantasy leaning bent... the ensemble cast too.... and the gameplay i love this gameplay i will play ghost spirit basketball all fucking dayyyyyyyyyy also this is alot closer to a visnov than the rest of their games, between the sports parts, this is also probably why i really like it, who doesn't love it when their choices matter and little guys talk to them. visnovs are great.

/ spoilers from here /

i also just favour weirdo fantasy > over weirdo sci fi this is pure personal taste lmao. the environments were fun, the conceit of the game was interesting too. making the choice of who to liberate not only be a factor based on who you like and the story but ALSO the gameplay bc you no longer get to play them.... i remember i kept hedwyn around bc i liked him as a character and also bc he was the all rounder class but i did let him go before the end bc i wanted to give him that chance despite never seeing him again... that sort of experience with a character i love is rareeee, ive not had anything like it since. is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all..............wohah.............

i also just love the fake language they came up with for people talking, reading being a big deal here also.... so much about this games worldbuilding i loved it i loved it. i think my only issues would be the amount of forced het in the endings people can get lmao I DONT NEED EVERYONE TO GET HAPPILY STRAIGHT MARRIED SG LMFAO.

🌟 HADES (2020) | 10/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i have played this game for 250+ hours and 100 of those were during the entire time it was in early access the brain disease real alive and killing me to this day.

genius of SG i think to stretch their storytelling out to be way longer by putting into a rougelike its such a fun idea and it works so well bc of how finely tuned their gameplay always is. they incentivize the right things and the feel is addictive, you wanna get to the characters bc they're always the best part but the gameplay on the way is like butter, ENDLESS GRIND ENDLESS GRIND. GAME YOU PLAY UNTIL YOU DIE

/ spoilers from here /

i like that this story ended up being a dumb greek family drama, i dont have many more thoughts about that aspect though honestly bc i dont really care about greek gods as a setting and i always enjoy SG's original ideas and worlds alot more behehe. their remixes are no doubt fun though.

there's something to be said about the violent catharsis of being killed over and over to leave family i think, im sure i could write some metaphor here about having to confront hatred in loved ones over a choice about yourself actually just feels like dying over and over (im a poet) especially when you still live with them.

i think i actually for real cried the first time zag met his mother like the music and the va, it was all so tragic and sad, i dont think anything else really met that emotional high for me. i was almost surprised later on how happily the game resolves lol but i dont have any qualms with stories about fucked up families actually fixing their problems, hope for the future or something.. ! not all blood ties have to be burned to cinders, its a nice thing.

thanatos is my girlboss boyfriend also i cannnnnoooooootttttt believe they made him a tsundere sadboy who acts like you broke up with him MINUTE ONE OF MEETING THE MAN IN THE FUCKING GAME WHAT IS WRRRRONG WITYH YOUUUU SG YOU SICK FUCKS. i actually puked in my mouth everytime they talked and i was explicitly seeking it out. god of death and god of blood (life) can you go fuck yourselves ACTUALLY.

thank you for letting me bang him and meg at the same time sg also is making up for their lgbt transgressions if only a bit with this one may the next game be gayer. lovewins or something.

[joeltheresa]

Future Days

I didn't cry writing this (lie)

WC: ~1k words

TWs/warnings: game spoilers, character death, suicide thoughts, survivor's guilt, violence, Abby is a warning in herself, Joel's blown off leg because that shit traumatized me

-

Joel thinks of her when he wakes from the first blow to his head. He thinks of her bright smile and the laugh that she must’ve gotten from her mother. He thinks of the countless hours he spent learning to braid her hair and the weekends they’d drive to the beach and hire horses. He thinks of her soccer matches on Thursdays and the blueberry pancakes with Tommy on Sundays.

He thinks of her last moments. He thinks of that damned soldier, of the fucking idiot he had been back then that thought anyone would care for her as much as he did. He thinks of her whimpers and cries and the way that he, somehow, must deserve this. His little girl died in pain, and so should he. 

At this moment, he wonders why he didn’t go through with it. Why he didn’t take Tommy’s gun that night, why he didn’t end it before it all began.

He knows the answer to that already before the thought has reached its end. 

Because it’s not what Sarah would have wanted for him. Because someone had to look after his baby brother. Because Tess needed him as much as he needed her. Because he was meant to take care of Ellie. 

Ellie. The thought hurts more than the golf club does, when the girl lands a blow to his knee. A grunt leaves him, and the girl (it was Abby, wasn’t it?) laughs like she has never had more fun in her entire life.

Maybe she hasn’t. The world isn’t as fun as it used to be, and Joel knows he’s a reason for that. The first few years…

Maybe it was foolish of him to think he’d ever outrun his past.

-

The second time he comes to, his mouth tastes of copper and salt. Abby’s talking, but he can’t make out any of what she says. There’s a pounding ache behind his right ear and when he moves his head, he can feel blood seep from an open wound there. He reckons it’s too swollen for him to hear anything.

Something wet lands on his face and it takes a moment to realize that she has just spit him in the face. When he reaches one hand up to dry it away, she kicks him so hard he can hear, more than feel, his knuckles break.

Joel lulls his head to the side. Tommy is still knocked out, but if he looks past the few scrapes and bruises everyone has these days, he looks okay. The bleeding from his forehead seems to have slowed, maybe even stopped completely. 

-

It’s impossible to tell how long has passed when he opens his eyes again. Darkness hasn’t fallen yet, which means it can’t be that long. Sun rises late and sets early in Jackson during winter.

He finds himself praying.

Tess used to pray. He doesn’t know why, it seemed entirely out of her character, but he supposes some habits are difficult to break. Sometimes, she would kneel by the bed like a child before Christmas and mumble to herself. Other times, she’d duck into an abandoned church on one of their runs. They never spoke about it. He wishes they had, now. 

His prayer doesn’t start with If you’re there, God or Almighty God, I beg you. It never does. He’s not a god fearing man, but there’s a broken record that plays whenever he finds himself in tight situations.

Let them be okay.

He couldn’t care less about himself, but he needs them to be okay. All of them. He can’t lose another one. 

-

Dina. 

Dina’s a good kid. Dina will take care of her. 

-

By the time he hears her voice, he has already accepted that this place will be his death. It’s not so bad, not really. The room is warm and the pain in his leg is mostly gone. He’ll be with Sarah, soon. He has to believe he’ll be with her.

A tiny, unwelcome thought strikes him like lightning. You’re not going to Heaven. 

Heaven isn’t real, he wants to say. Heaven and Hell isn’t real, it’s made up bullshit to make people feel better about themselves.

He still worries. 

Her voice. Ellie’s voice is somewhere far away, like the motor when he fell asleep in the backseat of the car as a child.

He manages to force one eye open and when he sees her, his heart picks up its pace in his chest until it physically hurts. It drums against his broken ribs like an animal trying to escape its cage. She’s not supposed to be here.

Her broken screams have a surge of energy run through him. He tries to move, wills his body to just fucking move, but he can’t. 

She’ll die. She’ll die and it’ll be your fault, old timer.

One of his fingers twitches as he reaches for her.

Joel wants to tell her that it will all be okay. He wants to tell her that he loves her and that he’s proud and that he’s sorry, but he couldn’t speak even if he tried to.

Instead, a quiet hum rumbles through his chest. Singing used to be the only thing that settled Sarah when she was still a baby. 

They may die but in us they live on

The sound is so quiet he’s unsure if she can hear it. 

I believe

He does believe. 

And I believe, ‘cause I can see

She screams again, and it breaks his heart that he can’t be there for her, that he can’t wrap his arms around her a final time.

Our future days

Why the fuck has he never said everything that he has wanted to say? Why the fuck hasn’t he told her how much he loves her, and how she saved him more than he could ever have saved her?

Days of you and me 

At least he doesn’t have to lose her. At least he doesn’t have to see it happen.

You and me

You’ll be alright, kiddo, he wants to say, but the words are stuck somewhere in the back of his throat. He sucks in a shallow breath and lets it out in a quiet hum. 

Days of you and me

[artdumpzonedontlookthanky]

SUPERGIANT ROUNDUP BASTION / TRANSISTOR / PYRE / HADES

compiling thoughts on games ive played. i may go back and edit these over time bc i like to ramble and maybe ill have a thought later about things to add. woo

🌟 BASTION (2011) | 10/10 4 million stars

THE game of all time. i think i bought and played this when the indie humble bundle (one of the first of its kind) slapped it together with limbo, psychonauts, amnesia and sword and sorcery (i have the art jen zee drew to advertise that on my wall still).

remarkable then and now for being a game i replayed like a madman and loved soooooo muuuuuuuuuch its ridiculous. the art direction will always be very impactful on me i think, jen zee i love ur stuff 4ever <3333333 the music is also still incredible, spike in a rail is iconic as ever, and logan cunningham's voice will always hit perfectly on the ears as rucks. this game was also the first major fandom i was in on this site and it could fit inside one tinychat lol, i have retained alot of the friendships i made from it back then, its an experience i can never untie from the actual game.

ive always liked isometric smash and whack games, most likely due to this games influence on me, but it was also just... one of the first big games i loved as a budding tween, so almost everything about i think with fondess, im recalling how the upgrade areas looked like rn and its making me smile. i made an askblog about a character from this game, we made a physical fanbook that got handed to devs at a con (i think the vid of them reacting to it is now lost to time) its deep bro its deep in my bones.

/ spoilers from here /

bastion's story i still also enjoy as dour as it is, and the choice at the end, between continuing the cycle of apocalyptic doom or build a new future with the remains, its still interesting to me. relive the past before it goes wrong and experience the fresh pain over and over or move on with grave of genocide ringing in your ears and the cunt of an old man on the same floating rock with you. augh!

🌟 TRANSISTOR (2014) | 6/10 stars it is a game and i think that's great

played this game front to back full the day it came out on my mothers computer and cried like a bitch at the end while liveblogging it. to this day i remember the combat being too much for my stupid little brain to comprehend and would get my ass beat constantly but the jen zee art and sword boyfriend and my loyalty to SG kept the brain alive.

MAYBE it would less of a pain in the ass for me to play now but the plotting out before you enforce the combo hurt my brain. i dont think ahead okay. ow. ow.

As with all SG games the art was incredible though they drew from really interesting influences for a sci fi take, and this ost with the addition of a bunch more vocal tracks (due to red being a singer) is sooo good. i have a version of the album of the glitched out versions of the songs ripped from the gameplay, delicious nyam nyam.

/ spoilers from here /

the story is like a traditional tragedy and the first showing of some great supergiant #buryyourgays but i still cry like a baby listening to paper boats so FML !!!!!!!!! i think that song affects me more than setting sail / coming home from bastion actually at this point (time to go find the orchestra pax vid and loop it)

🌟 PYRE (2017) | 9/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i liked pyre like 10 steps more than transistor its not even funny 😂 the world has a more fantasy leaning bent... the ensemble cast too.... and the gameplay i love this gameplay i will play ghost spirit basketball all fucking dayyyyyyyyyy also this is alot closer to a visnov than the rest of their games, between the sports parts, this is also probably why i really like it, who doesn't love it when their choices matter and little guys talk to them. visnovs are great.

/ spoilers from here /

i also just favour weirdo fantasy > over weirdo sci fi this is pure personal taste lmao. the environments were fun, the conceit of the game was interesting too. making the choice of who to liberate not only be a factor based on who you like and the story but ALSO the gameplay bc you no longer get to play them.... i remember i kept hedwyn around bc i liked him as a character and also bc he was the all rounder class but i did let him go before the end bc i wanted to give him that chance despite never seeing him again... that sort of experience with a character i love is rareeee, ive not had anything like it since. is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all..............wohah.............

i also just love the fake language they came up with for people talking, reading being a big deal here also.... so much about this games worldbuilding i loved it i loved it. i think my only issues would be the amount of forced het in the endings people can get lmao I DONT NEED EVERYONE TO GET HAPPILY STRAIGHT MARRIED SG LMFAO.

🌟 HADES (2020) | 10/10 starsies supergiant youve done it again

i have played this game for 250+ hours and 100 of those were during the entire time it was in early access the brain disease real alive and killing me to this day.

genius of SG i think to stretch their storytelling out to be way longer by putting into a rougelike its such a fun idea and it works so well bc of how finely tuned their gameplay always is. they incentivize the right things and the feel is addictive, you wanna get to the characters bc they're always the best part but the gameplay on the way is like butter, ENDLESS GRIND ENDLESS GRIND. GAME YOU PLAY UNTIL YOU DIE

/ spoilers from here /

i like that this story ended up being a dumb greek family drama, i dont have many more thoughts about that aspect though honestly bc i dont really care about greek gods as a setting and i always enjoy SG's original ideas and worlds alot more behehe. their remixes are no doubt fun though.

there's something to be said about the violent catharsis of being killed over and over to leave family i think, im sure i could write some metaphor here about having to confront hatred in loved ones over a choice about yourself actually just feels like dying over and over (im a poet) especially when you still live with them.

i think i actually for real cried the first time zag met his mother like the music and the va, it was all so tragic and sad, i dont think anything else really met that emotional high for me. i was almost surprised later on how happily the game resolves lol but i dont have any qualms with stories about fucked up families actually fixing their problems, hope for the future or something.. ! not all blood ties have to be burned to cinders, its a nice thing.

thanatos is my girlboss boyfriend also i cannnnnoooooootttttt believe they made him a tsundere sadboy who acts like you broke up with him MINUTE ONE OF MEETING THE MAN IN THE FUCKING GAME WHAT IS WRRRRONG WITYH YOUUUU SG YOU SICK FUCKS. i actually puked in my mouth everytime they talked and i was explicitly seeking it out. god of death and god of blood (life) can you go fuck yourselves ACTUALLY.

thank you for letting me bang him and meg at the same time sg also is making up for their lgbt transgressions if only a bit with this one may the next game be gayer. lovewins or something.