#b. whenever anyone asks me an open-ended question i lose all my memories of everything i know

[mayhemchicken-artblog]

i am. OBSESSED. with ur jonathan harker. particularly his hair. it's so lovely. also i binged the league of extraordinary gentlefolk yesterday and the scene with the knife!!!! with dr. kemp! lives rent-free in my head.

anyway. do u have a favorite jonathan moment? from dracula or lxgf, either one

aw thank you! jonathan's hair has undergone extensive evolution over the time i've been drawing him but i've always enjoyed drawing the curly bang

my favorite jonathan moment in lxgf is probably [redacted] in episode 2 or maybe [redacted] in episode 8

[spilledkauffie]

SFW (Fluff) Alphabet · Zemo

List made by @caitlinpotter || Sorry I’ve been so absent this week; I promise I have content for the weekend!

*xFemale!Reader || NSFW Alphabet ❤︎

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Quite affectionate— he loves giving you affection, and it’s all across the board with him. It can be from soft sweet touches to actual affectionate actions done for you.

Full HC list on this soon! ✧

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend?)

Literally the best— for starters he’s super loyal, because if you’re truly friends with him he’s not giving up on you easily. Your friendship wasn’t exactly easy to get to, mostly thanks to his profession, but once you’re in, you’re in. 

100% defensive of you— anyone tries to come at you in any negative way, he’s got a comeback to absolutely destroy them. Also, having someone of his reputation around can be beneficial for when you want to be left alone, as he seems to intimidate people a little bit.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

When you cuddle him— he loves it when you just come over without saying a word and cuddle up next to him, he doesn’t ask questions he just lets you get as close and be as cute as you want. Sometimes he has to chuckle at just how physically needy you are, like absolutely burying your face against his back, nuzzling softly, with your arms around him in an attempt to get his attention / also loves waking up to you cuddled right up against him.

When he cuddles you— he can just tell when you need it, so often times he reaches out for your hands with a “come on, come here,” naturally, you give in, he pulls you into a hug, slightly rocking you back and forth. It’s a lot of soft touches and feathery kisses.

↳ if you’re lying on your stomach, he’ll lie down with you. Resting his head on the small of your back, brushing his fingers across or down your back, sometimes he places soft kisses against your skin, which always gets your attention. You either: 1). turn on to your side, he hooks and arm between you legs and uses your thigh as a pillow. 2). you lay on your back, letting him rest against your stomach, gradually he makes his way up to give the corner of your lips a kiss.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they around the house?)

For sure— it’s not long before you’re practically living with him. Now that you’re in his life, he wants you around for everyday life; what is his very soon becomes yours. You picked up on it when he started to suggest “why don’t you stay here... tonight? And maybe tomorrow?” more often.

Around the house— he’s quite casual. You never feel expected to get up at a certain hour (regardless that he gets up early), you’re never expected to be downstairs and dressed immediately, it’s more of a calm atmosphere that lets you wake up. You don’t constantly have to be around each other, he knows space is important. Sometimes it’s just doing your own things in the same room in silence together. Despite the status of Baron, he behaves like your average individual around the house, he likes to do things himself.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It’s actually really hard for him— it’d have to be in person though, as hard as it would be. For starters it would take a lot for him to actually call it over, he’s extremely patient and an expert at working things out with you, because he truly doesn’t want to it end.

↳ a most likely situation for ending it would be that he can’t guarantee your safety due to whatever he’s getting himself into, and he’d rather make the call to let you go than to have no choice in truly losing you because of his own dangerous choices. 

He’d leave it open though— sitting across from him, you stay quiet after both coming to the conclusion that it’s over. However, he leaves you with: “if you ever need anything, in any way. . .” you nod, a few tears falling as you stay silent, staring forward. Coming over to you, he softly wipes a tear away, kissing your temple, whispering, “I’m sorry,” before walking away.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He’s definitely committed in the relationship— ring or no ring, if you’re in a relationship with him he’s all in, not the type of person to just have a fling here and there. It’s total dedication to you, and you only. 

Considering he’s done it once before—there’s a lot of past memories surrounding the topic of marriage for him, which is why there’s probably going to be a good amount of time together before any proposal. He just wants to be sure, plus there needs to be time to talk everything out before rushing into anything. 

↳ when the time does come though, it’s a mad romantic, but personal proposal, with the most gorgeous ring in the world.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically— he’s super soft with you. He never wants to startle you, it’s always what you’re comfortable with. Touches are more than just flirtatious with him, they can be comforting, encouraging, supporting, etc. (He also knows what you’re not comfortable with as well so he can avoid it)

Emotionally— it’s a little more complicated. With your emotions he’s super gentle and understanding, always. He listens to anything and everything you say or just need to vent. He doesn’t interrupt and only gives his thoughts when you ask for them. He never intends to hurt you feeling either, he’s very careful. However, with his own emotions however, he’s a little harsher. He doesn’t really like to show any of the more complicated emotions. And doesn’t always give himself much grace for feeling certain ways, he tends to repress.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? What are their hugs like?)

Only from you— he doesn’t really like other people getting friendly, unless he really really knows them, even then it’s different. He doesn’t get physical with other people unless it’s a “move— you’re in my way,” situation, but that doesn’t count as friendly.

Extremely handsy— he love to bring his arms around you, so he can completely hold you whilst hugging you. Whether it’s around your waist, shoulders, hips, etc., just depends how the hug is done. He also tends to stroke his hands when hugging you, up and down your arms, back, sides, thighs, wherever.

↳ he likes to nuzzle against your neck, during front or back hugs, with the bridge of his nose, or his lips. He also gives tender kisses while he has you so close. Not kisses with other intentions, just sweet loving kisses that make you smile. Sometimes he brings his hand under your jaw, to tilt your head just enough so he can kiss your lips.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes time, but it’s not forever— when he knows he will tell you with no hesitation. He doesn’t debate telling you or worry about it being too bold, nope, he means it when he says it and he says it when he means it.

He also says it in different ways— it’s not always “those three words,” through his gestures and other phrases you hear I love you a lot.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Not if it’s someone you’ve known before him— he’s not intimidated by pervious friendships that predate your relationship. 

When people flirt with you knowing he’s with you— he gets real jealous, real fast. Given that fancy occasions are kind of a routine thing, you’re around a lot of other people who want to flirt with you, and often do pretty openly. It’s rare that Zemo ever leaves your side, which helps, but that doesn’t stop people from trying, which he hates. Typically he just tries to keep you physically near, so he can be there to prevent it.

↳ one time he left to get you a drink and an old rival of his found you. Trying to be polite you remained in conversation, feeling fine until he caressed your shoulder. Almost immediately Zemo was back at your side. Handing you your drink civilly, with a “here you are, Darling,” he then glared at the man standing across from you. Not so subtly, Zemo slipped his arm around you, literally pushing off the unwanted hand and replacing it with his own. You leaned into him more, attempting to make a point, as Zemo continued giving a half smile half glare.

He doesn’t do much about it in aftermath— he’ll calmly admit to you that he was jealous, but he also gets you with “I understand why people want to talk, flirt, and be with you,” he shrugs, “you’re beautiful, they’d have to be blind not to see that, but yes,” he tilts his head, “but. . . I have to admit, there’s part of me that wants that only to myself, of course.” It makes you smile how calm he tries to keep himself, despite the frustration. It’s usually you who actually does anything after these type of conversations though.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Lightly running fingers up your neck— when he’s kissing you, he traces his fingers slowly up the side of your neck, until he reaches your jaw, there he strokes his thumb across your jawline.

Holding your hand— sometimes when you’re flirting with him, you like to get as close as possible without touching, he knows the game and subtly slips his fingers between yours, then he goes in for the kiss. He can feel your smile and your hands hold his tighter as you give in.

Hand kisses— he gives these whenever, wherever, and however often he can. It’s a cute way of showing affection in a very classy way. He uses them as hello / goodbye greetings, although typically you require more than a kiss on the hand for saying goodbye.

Soft, but turns into more— it starts out as a super sweet gentle kiss, but slowly you can feel it deepen, to which you usually break the kiss with a smile, “Helmut,” you laugh, holding onto his arms around you, as he moves his mouth to your neck, “I don’t have time for this,” you try to stop giggling.

As for himself— he loves the taste of you lips, so every time you kiss him, he adores it. However, there is a sweet spot at the base of his neck, that when you kiss there makes him stop mid sentence.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Fantastic— he’s actually perfect with kids. Maybe it’s past experience that plays into it, but he’s so sweet with kids. When they accidentally run into him, he gives a “be careful, little one,” before stepping out of their way. Something you’ve noticed is that he talks to them like they’re little adults, which is adorable.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Staying in bed— one way or another one of you convinces the other to stay in bed. Sometimes it’s him asking you to stay just a little bit longer, when you can’t, he understands and watches you get dressed, asking what your day looks like. / Other times it’s you compelling him that it’d be more fun to stay and cuddle with you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Relaxing— it’s a calm, safe, and warm environment when you can both just relax from the day in each other’s arms. Sometimes you’ll lean back against him and ask what he’s reading, when he says Machiavelli, you smile and get cozy, “perfect, that sends me right off,” you close your eyes as he begins to read aloud.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s not an open book— there’s a lot of history with him, some good, but also some bad. Even before the whole campaign to end Super Soldiers, he has a bit of a shady past, with his own military exploits. Some he’s made amends with, others he hasn’t.

Depends how much you already know— if you already know a good amount about him, 1). he’ll ask to even the playing field, so he can know you equally as well 2). he doesn’t mind you asking questions since you’re already aware of his general history.

Surface level stuff— interests, fascinations, favourite this-or-thats, he’s pretty open about though! He doesn’t mind sharing or talking about any of the casual topics about himself, it’s just the more personal stuff that takes time.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s extremely patient— The only way you would know is by a facial expression. His looks give him away more than his words or attitude does.  

↳ if you’re not getting along, he’s the first to apologise, and it’s not an “I’m sorry” end of conversation apology. It’s a well thought out apology, because you don’t argue about the little stuff, it’d have to be something big to get you at odds for a while.

Silently frustrated— even if he gets mad, he keeps his cool in circumstances. Never raises his voice, his tone just gets a little deeper.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers everything— seriously, he does not forget anything. You’re his number one priority, so of course he pays attention. Even if there’s something you just mention at random, he’ll remember it. Say you mention how you used to have/like/want something, there’s a good chance it’s showing up again.

He also asks— he’s genuinely curious about you and wants to know as much as he can about the person he’s in love with. So, he loves childhood stories, random details, and little quirks about you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The moment you said those three words— when you know everything about him, his past, his lifestyle, and you still decided to say I love you. And you still standing by it even though it meant waiting for him.

He also loves remembering the first time he saw you— he says he could never forget it, it was like a divine beauty just walked in.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you?)

Veryyy— he’s extremely protective of you, but not overbearing, he���s good a being distantly or subtly protective. In other words in public / at events / new places he keeps an eye on you, even if it’s from a distance.

He will literally do anything— there’s no limit with how far he’d go to protect you from anything or anyone, even if he knows he’s outmatched, he’ll find a way.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Dates— he puts a lot of effort into them, mainly trying to make it a perfect yet comfortable setting. So if you like quiet restaurants, that’s what he’ll find. If you like outdoors, he’ll find a stunning walkthrough garden, etc.

Celebrations— it’s always extravagant and grand and beautiful whenever you’re celebrating anything with him. He wants you to feel like the royalty he believes you are.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

How easy criminal life is for him lol— you love the fact that he surprised you with a real classic art piece for your birthday, but the exact details on how he got it isn’t as pretty. You frequently ask if there’s any other way he could make a living.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not vain— despite the fancy and classy lifestyle, he’s never thought himself as an individual of great beauty. He likes beautiful things, which is why he says he was so attracted to you, but personally he doesn’t think much of himself.

He cares though— it’s not like he doesn’t care whatsoever, which is why he’ll usually ask you “what do you think of this?” in regards to fashion. He wants to look nice for you, and he knows how to do that. But he’s not the guy to check himself in the mirror, or constantly fret about his looks.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He doesn’t need a relationship— but that’s what makes your so special. Since he’s not the type to just constantly need someone to feel complete, the fact that he does need you make you and your relationship all the more important to him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He can crash literally anywhere— you’ve found him on the couch, on the floor, in a chair, and you have no idea why it’s a habit of his, but it is! And you have definitely addressed him about it before.

↳ walking in to his study, you found him asleep on the floor between the couch and coffee table, shaking your head and crouching down, you woke him up. Looking up to you, you asked, “Helmut, why are you sleeping on the floor?” / “Hmm- wh- I’m not on the floor, you’re on the floor,” he states sitting up, brining you into a hug with him.

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and angst word count: 3.7k WARNINGS: hospital setting, mentions of surgery/operation, blood, violence

a/n: so, this is it guys. the final part of ifliys :( i would like to extend my sincere thank yous to each and everyone who have read, liked, commented and shared this series. this is the very first fanfic i was able to finish/complete because of the support, love and motivation you all gave as i wrote this. don’t worry! there is an epilogue and i will announce what i have in store for them in the near future. in the meantime, this is part ten. thank you very much!

ten: moonlight | masterlist

The Queen is talkative. That’s one of the many quirks she has that you noticed when you were growing up. It’s not the uncomfortable or annoying kind of talkative. You really don’t know how to exactly put it, but she’s talkative in an elegant and easy-going way. One time, she decided to take a walk on a particularly busy street with only one member of the security detail assigned to tail her a few meters behind. She told you the whole story, excitedly. She was casually strolling and asking typical questions like what time is it to some vendors, passersby and the like. She even held a conversation about olive oil that lasted a good twenty minutes until the stranger she was talking to recognized who she was. You can tell that she had a blast as she laughed all through the evening. 

Spending time with her gradually dwindled because of your job paired with your official duties as the Crowned Princess. But when opportunity arises, you make sure to make it worth the wait. Conversations are easy with her because she’s trustworthy and most importantly, she’s your mother. She usually asks you random, yet unexpectedly relevant questions whenever the two of you share a cup of coffee or tea or when you go shopping and even now is no different, as you’re about to choose the right fabric for your wedding dress. 

“Describe the person that brings the best out of you.”

Ah, here we go. Your mother is surely not distracting you but her intent stares as she props her arm against the armrest of the white couch she’s sitting on is definitely pulling you away from the matter at hand. The look on your eyes is telling her really? and she fires back with an expecting one telling you a silent, “well? Come on. Tell me.”

You snort and shake your head, bringing your attention back to the table. You’re not denying your mother an answer because you know who to describe. It’s not that hard to figure out and you know she’s smart enough to know.

Jeon Wonwoo.

“How do you want me to describe? Personality or physical features?” You ask back and humor her as you fiddle with one lace material. 

“Both,” she challenges with a mischievous grin and you’re not one to back down. 

“Well, the person is quite tall and sharp in terms of physical features,” you start, doing your best to describe him implicitly. “Has a way with words, but they are all genuine and honest.”

Unbeknownst to you, your mother’s fond smile confirms your assumption that she is smart and that she knows who you’re talking about. But she presses on, loving how you describe this mysterious person. 

“What about those features then? How do they help you?”

You thought for a moment and when the right words came to mind, you didn’t hesitate to say, “They inspire me to do and be better not only for myself but for everyone else. Mostly it’s their genuineness and honesty that inspires me.”

You and your mother laugh together at your last sentence. 

It’s true though. After witnessing Wonwoo in the light of his Kingdom, something tugged at your heartstrings. You don’t exactly remember when, maybe it was around high school, but you remember adamantly telling your friends that you would want to be with someone that will bring the best out in you. Someone that can fuel your desire to be of service for the greater good. It sounds awfully used too often and you’re sure you’re not the only one who thinks this way, but as you have already said, it’s the truth.

Despite the circumstances, you found that someone. You found Wonwoo.

A few seconds later, Jeongyeon comes in with a knock and announces, “Your Majesty, Prince Wonwoo has arrived.”

Your eyes spring up at the name, distracted once again. And when you see the “tall” and “sharp” Prince, you’re quick to your feet and run towards him. He stumbles a little when you jump at him in a tight hug, arms clinging around his neck. Nonetheless, he smiles and welcomes your enthusiastic embrace with a soft smooch on the side of your head. 

“Wait,” you abruptly pull away. “You’re not supposed to be here, though.”

Wonwoo acts dumb, tilting his head to the side. “What do you mean? Her Majesty invited me to be here.”

“Calm down, Y/N,” you hear the culprit say behind your back as she stands up to greet her future son-in-law. “There’s no dress yet. It’s okay for him to be here.”

You subtly roll your eyes. You’re not one to be superficial but if there were a dress already, she’d take her words back. You return your arms back to Wonwoo’s waist and lean your chin against his chest, your lips pulling into a pout. He leans down to meet your lips with a quick peck but your mother was quicker to push you aside and to take her turn in giving him a hug. 

Your jaw drops and your pout is exchanged with a scowl. 

Wonwoo tries his best to hold his laughter but to no avail, fails as he formally greets the Queen. “Good afternoon, Your Majesty.” 

“Always good to see you, my Prince,” the Queen replies and gently pats his cheek. “And now that you’re here, I can finally take my leave.”

“Leave? We haven’t even picked a fabric yet,” you remind her and stand in between them. 

“Honey, you have been going back and forth since nine in the morning,” she retaliates and walks back to the couch to pick her bag up. “Let’s schedule for another day. Unless you want Wonwoo to leave and we continue.”

Your stance immediately takes a hundred eighty degree turn. “You know what, you’re right. Let’s clear Saturday next week and we’ll take it from there.”

“I thought so.”

With a knowing wink, the Queen takes off.

That memory was from about three weeks ago after your visit and vacation at Wonwoo’s Kingdom. Wedding planning was back and the two of you went your separate ways for the time being to prepare your respective attire and accessories. Wonwoo didn’t know you had that conversation with the Queen not until she told him here at the hospital where you lie unconscious and fighting for your life.

The Royal Hospital was once again swarmed with a plethora of men in black suits because the Crowned Princess of the Kingdom has been shot twice, one on her shoulder and another on her left leg. It was a failed attempt in assassinating the King but Kim Mingyu took the opportunity to target your vulnerability and let his men shoot you instead as if it was his plan b. Kim Mingyu, whom he never desires to meet, is finally in police custody. He didn’t try to elude his impending arrest. In fact, he knew he would get arrested. He just wanted to toy with people until he couldn’t anymore. 

Wonwoo has no words to spare to describe him and seeing his face and hearing his name everywhere and everytime is just making his blood boil. 

The Queen has never left the hospital from the moment she arrived while you were undergoing operation up to being placed in a private room. She was calm when Wonwoo stood up from the bench to respectfully address her. She just nodded her head when he couldn’t say a word without his lips trembling and enveloped him in a warm hug as he cried on her shoulder. 

She told him that the two of you haven’t spoken since your father’s arrest and it has been unbearably painful and challenging. She acknowledges how terrible and neglecting she has been as a mother when she knows how absolutely difficult this is for you. It’s even more heartbreaking because you never once complained. Instead you respected her silence and distance. She regrets her absence and seeing you lying on a bed, looking so cold and fragile is making her world completely fall apart.

“Wonwoo, I’m so sorry that this happened,” the Queen solemnly says and holds his hand tightly. “The Kingdom promises that everyone involved will be held accountable.”

Wonwoo nods. “I understand, Your Majesty. Our Kingdom will do so as well.”

“I also want you to know that Y/N never wanted to end the engagement,” she adds. “She was just afraid that someone like her doesn’t deserve to receive your love.”

Wonwoo didn’t know that you looked up to him. If anyone should be admired, it should be you because you were ready to drop everything just to uphold justice. It’s been three days after the operation and you still haven’t opened your eyes. The operation was successful. No artery nor major organs were damaged, but you did lose a lot of blood. Just like the Queen, Wonwoo has been by your side, patiently waiting. Right now despite your stable condition, he still feels like dying. 

The love of his life almost died before his eyes. 

Wonwoo rests his head on the small space beside your arm, similar to the first time he took care of you a few months back. He gazes at your peaceful face, silently begging for you to wake up. He wants to kiss, hear and hug you again. He wants to be with you again. 

“Wonwoo.”

He sits up straight at the sound of his name and finds the Queen sadly smiling at him.

“How about you go back to your apartment for today?” She suggests, taking the seat on your other side. “Take a long shower and have some shut eye? Hmmm?”

Wonwoo bites his bottom lip, hesitant to leave and not have his eyes on you. He badly wants to stay and be here when you finally wake up. But the Queen is right. You’re safe now so he has nothing to worry about anymore. 

Slowly, he stands up from the chair he’s been sitting on for who knows how long. He clasps his one hand around yours while the other sweeps the hair that’s covering your forehead and lands a gentle kiss there. You’re starting to warm up and that’s a relief. 

He talks to you every single day, hoping you’d hear his voice. For now, he’ll keep it to himself.

I love you.

Later in the evening, you find your mother quietly dozing off, her head swaying from left to right and vice versa as she remains upright on the couch placed near the wall. You blink your eyes and adapt to the sudden brightness greeting your senses. You try to move your head and take in your surroundings and after a few minutes of contemplating, you recognize where you’re at and remember everything. 

Dad.

Your violent gasp immediately roused your mother from her sleep and seeing you struggling to sit made her jolt up and hurry beside you. 

“Darling,” she calls and holds your thrashing arms down, worried that you’d worsen your wounds. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Dad,” you voice out against the dryness of your throat. “Mom, where’s dad?”

“He’s okay too.” You can see the tears welling up on her eyes as she caresses your hair and gently pulls you in a hug. “He’s safe.”

Together, you shed the tears of anguish that you have been holding back for so long.

The King couldn’t be here because the court didn’t allow his appeal to accompany nor visit you even just for a day. He couldn’t even carry his daughter’s body to the ambulance because he was handcuffed and heavily guarded. He couldn’t even protect his daughter from the harmful consequences of his mistakes. Your mother told you that he desperately wants to be by your side and you do know that. You’re way past his inability to be here and that’s none of your concern anymore. As long as he is safe, you’re more than content. 

The trial has been rescheduled for next week and your father has to be detained until then. You’ll try to visit him again once you’re discharged and together with that, you’d also find the strength to accompany him at his trial. 

Your mother was firm on staying and insisting that she’s fine when you tried to urge her to go home, but you can clearly tell how tired she is from the lack of sleep so you didn’t let her win. It’s already late in the night when she finally gave in. Your mother kisses your cheek one last time after the doctor assessed your condition. Jeongyeon would stick around for the evening in her stead. Poor girl cried so much the moment she saw you widely awake.

Once it’s only the two of you left, Jeongyeon helped you sit on a wheelchair and wheeled you next to the window before she left to grab some extra bottled water. You can’t stand properly yet because of the wound on your leg so a wheelchair is necessary if you want to be mobile. You’re starting to feel the back pain after lying down for so long, you need to move. The doctor was a bit apprehensive about allowing you to leave your bed, but gave in when you promised to stay inside the room. 

The moon, shining in all its glory, up in the dark sky looked so enticing, you had to take a closer look. The three days went by so fast and running through all that ensued leaves a sickening sensation down to your stomach. You shake your head, not wanting to relive the frightening memories.

Your attention goes back to the moon and one person comes to mind. 

It makes you selfishly wonder if he ever visited once or asked and worried about you as you bring your hand up to your neck. When you don’t feel the lifebuoy pendant, your heart skips a beat. You then looked down to your hand, your engagement ring is also not on your finger. You frown, growing upset. They could have removed it, but it should be back to you by now. You looked around the room, hoping to find your precious gems within reach. Just in time before you could wheel yourself around to search for them, you hear the door open.

“Hey Jeongyeon, have you seen my necklace and ring?” You ask to the void as you tilt your head back to the moon.

When you don’t hear any answer other than the sound of heavy breathing, you remove your gaze from the window to see who came in if it’s not your assistant. To your surprise it’s no other than,

“Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo didn’t keep count of the exact times, but he knows how long and how much he begged just to hear your voice call his name once again. He didn’t even have the chance to change from his sweatpants and sleeveless shirt when he received the call from Soonyoung (whom Jeongyeon told to). Honestly? He didn’t bother at all because he just wanted to be right here at this moment. 

To be with you. 

He takes slow steps as he calms his breathing. Meanwhile, you remained seated and let him come to you. You’d run to him just like you did back then, but your leg wouldn’t appreciate that. 

It felt like forever for Wonwoo to get to you. But when he finally drops on the floor and lightly rests his head on your lap, there’s no reason for him to complain anymore. 

Your tears fall again for the nth time tonight. You caress his wet locks, probably from the mixture of his shower and sweat. He cries too because you can feel it seeping against the pants you’re wearing. He wraps his arms around your lap, careful from crashing his weight. You, on the other hand, bend your head down to kiss the crown of his head.

Both of your hearts are shouting, finally. 

The beautiful moonlight shines on the two of you as you both silently settle down there for a moment, not giving a care in the world because this is just what you’ve been yearning for and you’re not allowing anyone nor anything to steal this away ever again.

Your long face doesn’t go unnoticed by Wonwoo and he knows why you’re pulling it against him. But no, he is not falling for it. Instead he ignores your silent plea and continues tucking you back on the bed. You glance up at him and try to win him again with your attempt at puppy dog eyes and when he doesn’t, you give up.

“You know that this bed is too small to fit two bodies, Y/N,” he states the obvious and drags a chair to sit on. “I know you’re smart enough to see that.”

You huff and pull the covers closer to your chin. If it wasn’t for the wound on your shoulder, you’d turn your back against him. 

Wonwoo just rolls his eyes at your antics and holds your hand under the warm blanket. 

After your short reunion, Wonwoo decided to get you back to your bed because it was nearing one o’clock in the morning. You haven’t brought up what happened and it’s alright because you still have another chance to do so. Hopefully.

“I’m sorry, Wonwoo,” you whisper under your breath but his ears can hear your words. 

He nods and kisses the back of your hand. “I know, baby. It’s not your fault.”

Baby.

You never use pet names or terms of endearment and hearing him say it for the first time almost made you faint. It’s an exaggeration but you’re weak at the moment and anything that flusters your heart can potentially weaken your whole body. 

Wonwoo then brings something out from his pockets and your eyes brighten at the sight of the necklace he gave you. He chuckles when he sees your excited expression and stands up. His fingers tenderly graze the skin of your neck when he puts it back to where it rightfully belongs. 

“I thought I lost it,” you say, holding the pendant between your fingers.

He sits back down and what he mutters next makes you feel a twinge of guilt. 

“I thought I lost you.”

You sigh and coax him to you, grasping the hand enclosed to yours. “Come here.” 

This time you let him take the small space on your bed. You sit up as well so that you can reach his height. He helps you and once you’re comfortably situated, you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest. 

Wonwoo smiles at your affection and lets his hand smooth against your hair. You have always been brave when it comes to touching him and he’ll never forget how you kissed him on the lips first. He’s so glad and relieved you’re finally awake. He doesn’t think he can go on for another day without you. And now that you’re holding each other like this, he wishes for this night to never end. 

“I’ll probably not inherit the throne,” you say against his shirt. “I don’t think your family would want you to marry an abolished monarch.”

Wonwoo’s hand drops and he breathes out a disappointed sigh. He is not having this conversation with you right now. Why must you ruin the moment? 

When you don’t feel his hand against you anymore, you look up and steal a kiss under his chin. However, that doesn’t suffice because he’s still upset and it’s evident on the frown adorning his handsome face.

“But I realized I love you, so if it means I have to beg all the way to their Majesties for your hand then—”

Wonwoo doesn’t let you continue and shuts you up with a searing kiss. He softly squeezes your cheeks with one of his hands, almost as if commanding you to pucker your lips. Your eyes widened in surprise but when he put his other hand at the side of your neck, you surrendered. 

It’s no secret that you and Wonwoo kiss. Oftentimes they’re just quick brushes, but sometimes they get a little bit more intense, deeper. You won’t get into detail though, because that’s a story to tell for some other time. 

For now, you eagerly meet Wonwoo’s passion as he lays you back down on the bed, of course with caution. He doesn’t fully drop his weight on top of you, one arm carrying his upper body while the other gingerly cupping one side of your face. 

His chest is firm and his shoulder broad as you grip your hands on them and continue kissing him. You should be asleep by now because you are still recovering. But Wonwoo is a doctor himself, right? So if he took the initiative to kiss you until sunrise, then it must be alright. 

Okay, maybe it’s wrong to mock his profession like that. But, you’re just grateful to kiss him like this again. Because the last time you shared one, tears were streaming down your face and you two were on the verge of breaking up. 

“I should really put you to sleep now,” Wonwoo whispers against your lips, breathless. 

You hold your laughter, still basking in his taste. When you open your eyes, Wonwoo is already hoisting himself back up. Your lips draw into a pout again and the cause of it just rolls his eyes.

“I promise there will be more, but for now rest, okay?” He pinches your cheek lightly and sits back on the chair. 

“You can take the couch,” you tell him.

“Sleep, Y/N.”

You no longer defy and close your eyes. 

You remember the first time he commanded you those words and looking back, they are all fond memories of your then developing relationship. There were many questions when you and Wonwoo got along so well and so fast. There were many doubts and insecurities. The two of you shared those in silence, which could have endangered your hearts. However, even though your relationship was shaken and tested, the two of you persevered. 

For you, Wonwoo persevered and words and actions are not enough to thank him. You couldn’t have overcome this without his support and patience. So from now on, against all odds, you’ll do exactly the same.

[thebadgerclan]

SFW Alphabet: Lucius Malfoy

Requested by Anonymous

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Lucius is a very affectionate man, always wanting you to know just how loved and adored you are.  He’s almost always holding your hand or has an arm around your shoulders, or both. When you’re alone at home, Lucius will hold you in his lap, pressing kisses all over your face.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Lucius has very few people who he considers friends, Severus being among them.  But having him as a friend, you’re never alone on anything.  Lucius will stand by your side through anything, acting as a confidant and a shoulder to lean on whenever you need it.  If you need some sway with the Ministry, he’s more than willing to help you there too.

  C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Lucius adores cuddling: having you in his arms, holding you close, it’s one of his favorite things.  When the two of you are alone, he likes to have you in his lap as the two of you read or just spend time together.  Lucius is always the big spoon, with you either facing him or with your back to his chest.  He also likes it when he’s on his back and you’re tucked into his side or lying on top of him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) Lucius does want to settle down with you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You already own his heart, he knows that there’s no other woman for him, so he sees no reason not to settle down with you.   He’s already got the massive manor, but if you want to move somewhere smaller, he’s already signing the deed.  Lucius is shit at cleaning, he’s had house elves for his entire life, but he can cook pretty well.  He doesn’t do so very often, but sometimes, when he wants to surprise you, he’ll shoo the elves from the kitchen and cook you a romantic dinner (he has to call them back because he has no clue where stuff is, but he does cook the meal)

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) It would break his heart into a million pieces to end things with you, but if he had to, Lucius would put on the icy, cold, unapproachable exterior he shows to everyone but you.  “This can’t go on, Y/N,” he says, feeling ill with himself.  “We’re done.  I’m sorry, it’s over.”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Lucius most certainly wants to marry you, and now that Narcissa’s out of the picture, he can.  You’re together for about a year or so before he gets you a ring, and as soon as the little box is in his hand, he’s planning a super romantic evening for you.  After a 5 star meal, complete with champagne and dessert, he gets on one knee and asks you to marry him.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) He may seem like a cold, cruel man, but around you, he is the gentlest, kindest, warmest man you’ve ever met.  Lucius is such a gentle man around you, treating you like a fawn (and fawning [pun not intended] over you as one does a baby deer), always being tender and gentle.  Emotionally, he’s such a sweetie, never raising his voice at you.  I won’t say he never gets angry with you, because he’s human, but he tries not to.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Lucius likes hugs, though you’re usually the one to initiate them.  He prefers to be able to hold you for longer periods of time, and as hugs are usually short lived, they’re not his favorite.  Don’t get me wrong, he loves it when you hug him, he loves any form of physical intimacy with you, he just prefers cuddling.  That being said, his hugs are strong, he squeezes you tight against him, sometimes knocking the wind out of you.  He’ll rest his chin on your head, and kiss you sweetly when he pulls away.

  I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Lucius waits until he’s 100% certain of his feelings for you, more for your benefit than his.  He doesn’t want to rush into telling you he loves you if he thinks he might walk back on it (that’s very unlikely, but he wants to be sure).  After 5ish months, when you’re away for a week and Lucius feels physical pain in his chest for missing you, that’s when he knows he loves you.  The first words out of his mouth when you return are “I love you, Y/N.  I love you more than anything else in this world, and I will always love you.”

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Lucius is a VERY jealous man, you are his and his alone, no one else gets to have you.  If he sees someone looking at you a little too long, making eyes at you, hitting on you, or making you uncomfortable in any way, he’s at your side immediately.  Lucius will pull you into his side, arm tight around your shoulders or waist, grey eyes staring daggers at whoever dared to speak to you.  “Are you alright, my dear?”  As soon as you’re alone, Lucius will kiss you hard, usually pushing you against a wall, snarling “Mine.”

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Lucius is a very skilled kisser, he knows how to convey every single emotion just by pressing his lips to yours.  He’ll pull you fluff against him, arms around your middle; one hand cupping the back of your neck, the other either on your back or ass.  He likes to kiss your lips, obviously, but he also loves kissing your forehead, neck, hands, chest, and thighs.  He likes being kissed on the lips, again, obviously, on the cheeks, the chin (because that might be all you can reach), hands, shoulders, basically anywhere.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) I HC that Lucius played a massive role in raising Draco, so I think he’s pretty good with kids. Kids that aren’t his tend to get on his nerves a little, but his own kids, man, they’re the moon and the sun to him.  He adores his own children to no end, and if you want to have kids with him, Lucius is more than happy to be a father again.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Lucius gets up early most mornings, so he’s not always there when you get up.  But there’s always a cup of coffee/tea/whatever you like on the nightstand under a stasis charm, usually with a little love note under the cup.  On the days he can sleep in a bit, you wake with Lucius wrapped around you (he’s wrapped around you every morning, you’re just awake for it this time).  He’ll gently kiss you awake, smiling when you open your eyes.  “Good morning, my love.”

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Nights and evenings are quiet intimate affairs between the two of you.  Evenings usually entail a private, often romantic dinner before the two of you retire to the sitting room.  Lucius will usually hold you on his lap or have you tucked into his side.  You either read together, talk about your day, or watch a movie (Lucius has a home theatre type setup, fight me).  When it gets late, he’ll lead you up to the master bedroom where you usually share a bath or shower (which can lead to sex), before going to bed, you held close to Lucius’ chest.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Once Lucius is sure and comfortable in your relationship, he’ll start to reveal things about himself.  Not all at once, more like when you ask him questions, but he won’t hide things from you once he’s comfortable.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Lucius has a temper, but he keeps it in check with you.  You do make him angry sometimes, but it’s never long lasting, and it never gets physical.  He might brood in his study for a little bit, but after an hour or so he’ll come out and apologize for being a bear.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) At the beginning of your relationship, Lucius is so dedicated to remembering every little thing about you, he actually keeps a little journal.  It’s filled with random things that you’ve said on your early dates, things like “Favorite color: blue, Hogwarts house: Y/H, had three dogs as a child: Kelly, Mary, and Pepper.”  Obviously, he doesn’t need it after a while, but he still has the journal in his bedside table.  The last addition he made was: “Likes princess cut diamonds, jeweler on 5th has wide selection.”

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) Lucius’ favorite memory of you is the first time the two of you had dinner with Draco.  The only thing more important to him than you was Draco liking you.  After Lucius had escorted you back home, he returned to the Manor where Draco was waiting.  “So?” Lucius asked, pacing nervously.  Draco just smiled.  “I like her, Father.  She’s not Mother, but I like her.”  He was so happy to hear that his son liked you, he couldn’t sit still for hours.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) He’s very protective, Lucius wants and needs to know that you’re safe at all times.  He’ll never stop you from doing something or going somewhere, but if there’s potential for you to get hurt, he’s either going with you or putting measures in place to make sure you’re safe.  Lucius loves you more than anything or anyone, he can’t bear the thought of losing you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) This man has the resources to make you feel like royalty every single day, so you’d better believe that Lucius goes all out on dates and anniversaries.  Fancy restaurants, expensive wine and food, and anniversaries and gifts are on a whole nother level.  Trips to Paris, Athens, Madrid, anywhere you’ve ever dreamed of going, Lucius will take you there.  His gifts are usually very expensive, diamond earrings, necklaces, bracelets, designer clothes, but they can also be sentimental: a book you’ve had your eye on for a while, candy from Honeydukes he knows you like.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Lucius can be a bit narcissistic, very self centered.  He sometimes gets so wrapped up in his own head that he forgets that he has a girlfriend who wants and needs his attention.  He always feels so guilty afterwards, apologizing profusely to you.  He usually ends up surprising you with a fancy dinner or seducing you into be to show you how much he loves you

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Have you seen the man?  Lucius cares about his appearance, like, a lot.  At the beginning of your relationship, he refused to spend the night with you, solely because he didn’t want you to see him when he work up; with bedhead and morning breath

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Yes, you’ve stolen his heart, and Lucius cannot live without you.  When he was away for a week on Ministry business, he felt like a shell of himself, like part of him was missing.  You feel the same, hating when you’re away from him for too long.  The thought of leaving him forever makes you feel sick, but Lucius is quick to reassure you that he’s yours forever.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Lucius has a very in depth skincare routine, and if he misses or skips a night, he’s blotchy in the morning

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?   Lucius can’t be with someone who can’t be serious.  Of course, he loves it when his girl lets loose and laughs, but in more serious situations, he needs her to be serious.  He’s all for being laid back and just having fun, but he feels there’s a time and a place for that versus being serious and sophisticated.  

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) Lucius puts lavender oil on his pillow to help him fall asleep.  He has a bit of insomnia, and it takes that or 4-5 rounds of sex to knock him out

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Making Memories || TMR Minho x Reader

Summary: When Y/N loses her memory, she joins up with Group B to try and survive in the mountains. Little does she know that Group A thinks she’s been dead for months and they’re shocked to find out that Minho’s girlfriend is still alive. 

Word Count: 3.4k

Author’s Note: I haven’t seen any Maze Runner content lately and since I’ve had this idea for a long time, I decided to just say fuck it and write it since I’m a slut for Minho. 

Warning: Amnesia, mentions of death, angst 

For the last couple of weeks of enduring the scorch, Minho was going through an internal crisis. With all of the crazy things that had happened to him like escaping the maze and even getting struck by lightning, he still felt that he wasn’t himself. 

Ever since you were taken by Griever’s that night during the attack, Minho felt numb. He felt like a machine, getting up every day just to go back to sleep. 

As awful as it sounds, he thought his grief would rest temporarily like everyone else they had lost along the way but for you, that wasn’t the case. 

The group, now joined by a few outsiders like Aris, Jorge, and Brenda, followed the idea that there was safety in numbers and that finding the Right Arm would be a step closer to get away from WCKD forever. 

While Minho knew he would follow Thomas anywhere, he still felt like he was in autopilot of where his life was taking him. 

Minho clung to his friends because he knew that the thought of losing anyone else close to him would drive him over the edge. Whenever the group would walk in silence to save energy through the sand dunes, Minho would try to remember you as best as he could. 

He felt guilty that everything he loved about you was turning into a distant memory. Even now, he would have a hard time remembering what you sounded like because the last memory of you was when you were screaming for Minho and Thomas to hold onto you as you were getting dragged away by a Griever. 

While Minho knew you were gone, he would still wait for you to playfully punch his shoulder after he would say something rude or make a face at you whenever someone else said something stupid. 

Thomas and Newt have tried to comfort their friend but Minho always brushed them off and would always tell them that he was fine. 

Minho’s way to deal with your death was to just not talk about it so everyone obeyed his wishes. Little did he know, you would find a way to come back into his life. 

When Harriet and Sonya found you, your mind was completely barren of anything that happened before, including your whole experience in the glade which meant having no thoughts of Minho at all. 

The only thing you knew was your name and even then, you were still unsure of how true that was. The girls had filled you in on everything they knew, filling your head about escaping a maze constructed by WCKD and being rescued by a group called the Right Arm. 

The flare had wiped out most of the population but WCKD never stopped searching for a cure, which was in your blood and other youths in your generation. After weeks of traveling and finding sanctuary, the group around you became your home and you all took shelter in the mountains. 

While the mountains provided protection, on rare occasions intruders would slip by without being noticed. Ever since the last attack, the Right Arm guarded the main entrance to the mountains more heavily than before to avoid any other conflicts. 

You were at your post in the mountains, eyeing the only entrance into the tunnels when you spotted a group of people making their way through. You picked up your binoculars and got a closer look at the people weaving through the abandoned cars parked by the entrance. 

You picked up your walkie and called in for ground control,” Y/N at Post one, I have an eye on eight individuals approaching our main entrance. Requesting a few firing warnings.” 

You squinted, trying to make out any descriptions of the group before some of the men who were at their posts fired down at the cars.

 You took one last glance at the group from down below ducking for cover as you left your post and went down the side to retrieve them. 

While this was a normal procedure that you were used to by now, you knew you had to be on your toes just in case anything bad happened. 

You met up with Harriet and Sonya who were waiting at the corner for your arrival with guns in each of their hands. 

“ Does it look like they have any weapons?” You asked as Sonya shook her head. 

“ I didn’t see anything on them but we can’t be too careful,” Harriet said as you lifted up your bandana to cover half of your face. 

The three of you turned the corner and walked slowly towards the closest members of the invading group with Harriet leading. 

“ Drop it.” Harriet ordered as she blocked your line of vision ,” I said drop it!” 

You weren’t sure what this group was doing up here in the mountains but you had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. 

“ On your feet, lets go!” Harriet shouted as the two members of the group stood up and joined the rest of their friends. 

You slipped through beside Sonya and you watched their panicked expressions carefully.  As you made eye contact with each one, you watched their faces drop. 

“ Y/N? Is that you?” 

Minho’s eyes snapped to that familiar name and when his eyes found yours, his knees almost buckled as if he just saw a ghost.  

Everything around Minho felt still as if the world had stopped spinning for just you and him. Weeks of sleepless nights with nightmares that plagued him now made him feel adrenaline like never before. 

He had been playing the image of you getting ripped from his arms over and over again, beating himself everyday for not holding onto you tighter. 

But now, with you standing before him, that last cruel image was overshadowed by the countless memories of you that he thought he had lost forever. 

Memories of your first sweet kiss by the bonfire, memories of you patching him up after he had sprained his ankle, memories of you waking up next to him every morning with your mouth wide open. 

Harriet kept her weapon pointed at the group but made a quick glance towards you,” You know these guys?” 

Before you could shake your head, Minho practically lunged himself towards you and tried to pull you in for a hug. It all happened so fast and before he made contact, you used the end of your gun and slammed in into the side of Minho’s head. 

Minho fell to the ground and ate a mouthful of dirt as he held the side of his temple, which was now bleeding. He looked up at you standing over him with your weapon pointed towards him and Minho was confused to say the least. 

“ How do you know me? Do you work for WCKD or something?” You asked hastily as you scanned the rest of the group, some of them taking a step back,” I asked you a question!” 

Thomas looked down at his friend and back at you,” You don’t remember us? You..you don’t remember Minho?” 

The boys expression was something you couldn’t describe but the way he said it made it seem like you had just offended them. You thought it over in your head as you tried to think of where you could’ve seen them before but you were drawing a blank. 

Harriet lowered her weapon as she locked eyes with one of the boys with them,” Aris?” 

“ Oh my god, Harriet.”

You watched as Sonya followed in Harriet’s lead and dropped her weapons to bring in Aris for a hug. 

As they reunited, Minho kept his eyes on you, still in disbelief. 

That should be us right now Minho thought as he watched the happy reunion between Aris, Sonya, and Harriet. 

Minho didn’t know how to feel; he was relieved that you were seemingly alive and well yet you weren’t the same. Every moment the two of you had shared was wiped away without a care in the world. 

What killed Minho the most was that as you looked back at him, he didn’t recognize you at all. There was no love or admiration in your eyes like he used to remember. 

He was staring at a complete stranger and yet, he still wanted to reach out and touch you. 

After the little reunion had died down, the three of you took the group back to camp where it would be more safe. The whole ride there was silent as you tried to keep your eyes on the road. Every now and then, you would look back using the rear view mirror and catch Minho staring right back at you. 

Tall grass. Walls. Burnt meat. 

They came in flashes throughout the whole drive everytime you would look back at him. 

Box. Shoes. Dirt. 

You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until your body started to shake. 

Once you got to camp, you went straight to your tent and sat on your bed. 

You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage and your breathing was all over the place. You didn’t know what came over you but you felt yourself start to get dizzy. 

“ Uh, hey.”

You looked up and saw Minho at the opening of your tent, waiting there patiently. 

Warmth. Laughter. Sweat. 

You placed your hand over your chest and beckoned him to come over as you stood up. 

“ Hey,” you sighed as you looked at his forehead, which was done bleeding,” I really am sorry about that....let me help you clean it.” 

Minho said nothing but sat down on your bed as you grabbed a small medical kit from underneath your desk. You kneeled down in front of Minho and pulled a bandage out as your hands started to shake. 

Minho bit his lip as he watched you struggling like a helpless animal. He held his breath and held your hands and you immediately stopped shaking.

 You looked up at him and even though you didn’t recognize him at all, you knew deep down that you possibly knew him. 

“ So... you don’t remember anything?” Minho said softly as you started to clean his wound.

“ I remember bits and pieces. It’s not so much memories but I can feel and see quick images of things you know?” You looked up at Minho but he shook his head,” like...when I heard your friend Fry talk, it’s like I had a salty taste in my mouth from grilled meat. Or when I saw Thomas I felt...inspired? I don’t know, it’s weird but it’s the same feeling that Harriet has as a leader.

This was the most you had talked so far and Minho didn’t know how much he really missed your voice until he couldn’t hear it anymore. While he could listen to you talk all day, there was something bothering him that he needed to know.

“ What about me?” Minho asked quietly as you stopped in your tracks,” what do you feel when you see me?”

Bed Sheets. Snoring. Hands. 

You cleared your throat and grabbed the bandages,” I don’t know.”

Minho gave a small smile and pointed towards your lip,” I know you’re lying. You always bite your lip when you lie.” 

You pushed your lip back out from your teeth and laughed softly,” Okay, creep you caught me...when you were in the car I...this is stupid.” 

You shook your head from embarrassment and raised up from your spot on the ground but Minho grabbed your hand. He knew he had to be delicate since he was practically a stranger to you but he didn’t want you to leave. 

There was so much he wanted to know and he felt like his time with you was limited. 

“ Please, I need to know,” Minho swallowed as you sat down beside him on your bed. 

You watched his desperate eyes, they were hungry for answers, for confirmation that somewhere deep inside, you were still you. 

“ The biggest thing I feel is warmth...not like from sunlight but from uh- body heat,” You said as you avoided his gaze,” then sweat. I can feel it and smell it when I see you.”

Minho chuckled but rubbed the back of his neck, feeling slightly embarrassed,” Jeez, I didn’t realize I smelled.”

You shook your head and let out a gentle sigh,” No, no. It’s not a bad smell it just smells of the outside like when someone works out. I think I remember your laugh and now that I think of it, my chest feels...tight...also do you snore? Cause seeing you in this bed is making my brain hear it.” 

Minho shrugged his shoulders innocently but laughed loudly,” You used to hate it when I snored. You would kick me every time I did and one day you made me sleep outside the door cause you were so tired.” 

You snapped with your right hand and pointed at Minho,” That laugh. I remember that.” 

Your face dropped for a moment and Minho noticed this,” D-Do you remember something else?”

You nodded as several images and senses cycled through your brain as millions of connections were being made. 

“ Your laugh...I remember being embarrassed!” You said as you squeezed your eyes shut and rubbed your temples. 

You stood up from your bed and walked away from Minho, trying your best to put the pieces together,” shit why was I embarrassed? Sweat...You ran a lot-you ran every day like a-a…fuck... I don’t know, you were fast! I thought I could beat you in a race but…”

Minho swallowed hard as he thought about that day and stood up quickly,” You slipped really bad and your whole shirt was covered in mud.”

You opened your eyes and turned to Minho, your mouth hanging slightly open. You couldn’t believe it, ever since you were found, you could never develop a solid memory until now. 

Minho could see the gears turning in your head and he kept going, listing off what happened,” You were so mad because that was your favorite shirt. It was your favorite because-”

“ Because it was the same shade of blue that you always wore,” You nodded as your smile started to grow bigger and bigger,” then we went to the spring to wash it and then I fell in with all of my clothes on. You laughed so hard you started crying! And then-”

You stopped rambling as the next image in your brain replayed in your head. 

“ Stop laughing at me and help me!” You whined as you pulled yourself out of the spring,”this water is freezing you dick!”

Minho stopped laughing at you and watched your face with a huge smile on his lips,” Aw baby don’t pout.” 

You crossed your arms until you formed an idea in your head. You ran over to Minho with your arms wide open and before Minho could run away, you held your wet body against his. 

You two rolled around as Minho complained about getting wet before his body was on top of yours. 

Once you stopped laughing, you looked up at Minho, who was inches away from your face. You felt his body pressed up against yours and you could feel his heartbeat against your chest. 

Minho smirked before leaning in and pressing his soft, warm lips against your own. You moved your hands to his hair as you gently pulled on it, bringing him closer to you. 

Between the deep kisses, Minho took a breath and pulled away,” I love you.”

You smiled sweetly back at him before pressing a quick kiss against him,” I know you do...but I love you too.” 

Your mouth felt dry as you turned back to Minho who also replayed the memory. You looked at him longingly as your shoulder’s dropped. 

“ We were in love...you didn’t say anything about that.”

Minho held his breath and nodded, unsure of what to say. He didn’t want the memory to scare you off, even though he would’ve felt the same way. 

He couldn’t imagine seeing himself kiss a stranger, let alone say I love you to one another and he knew you had to process all of this new information.

“ Yeah...is that bad? That we are-were in love?” Minho asked as you took a seat next to him. 

You shook your head, you were so overwhelmed and that you didn’t even think you could let any words out. 

“ No, it’s not bad,” You said as Minho shifted in his seat,” but I’m sorry. I know you loved me and I loved you but...looking back at those memories I-I don’t know how to feel. I know it’s me in those memories but I feel like I’m watching someone else in my body.” 

“ I understand it’s just that...we were together for so long and I can’t let that go,” Minho sighed as he reached for your hand to hold but he thought twice and drew back,” I love you. I still love you even though you don’t know me. I know we can’t get back what we had but we’re here together now.” 

You ran your fingers through your hair before sighing deeply,” I can’t be that girl you fell in love with. I don’t know her Minho and I-I don’t know you. I’m sorry that you lost someone you cared about but I’m not the same person I was in those memories.” 

“ I’m not either! I mean, I’ve changed a lot but at the same time I’m the same guy. I’m just asking to be in your life right now. We don’t have to get married or anything I just…” Minho didn’t know he was even on the verge of tears until his voice cracked,” I watched you die. I thought you were dead for months and I never dealt with the pain of losing you. I can’t let you walk out of my life and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle the pain anymore.” 

You were torn. You felt so much grief watching this poor guy seconds away from sobbing. This was someone you loved and although you trusted what he was saying, you didn’t feel the love he felt for you.

As much as you wanted to reach out and tell him you felt the same way, you knew it would be a total lie. 

“ I’m sorry,” you said simply as you turned away and faced the wall. 

Minho watched you for a moment as his heart broke into a million pieces. The love of his life was alive but the old Y/N was dead. 

Minho had lost people he cared about before but you were supposed to be the one that would be by his side no matter what. 

You were the glue that held Minho together and the thing that broke him the most was that you had no idea how much you really meant to him. 

Minho gathered himself before getting up from the bed and walked away silently as you felt your chest grow tighter. 

For months, you had no memories of what your past life was and you thought of it as a fresh start and a way to build yourself a new life. He helped you remember a part of yourself that you had accepted was gone forever. 

You didn’t know you could have a fresh start with the old memories but with Minho standing before you, you didn’t know if you could have that fresh start without him.

“ Wait! Hold on,” You called after him as he stopped in his tracks and turned to you.

You walked over and played with the hem of your shirt nervously,” I’m sorry, I can’t be the old Y/N you want me to be...but maybe you can help me out.”

Minho nodded slowly as his mind raced with ideas,” So what are you proposing?”

You tried to hide your smile as stuck your hand out towards him,” Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, stranger.”

Minho studied your face carefully as his shoulders relaxed. 

He wasn’t willing to completely throw away every memory about you like how mad you got whenever someone talked over you or how you would always pick food off of other people’s plates in the Glade because you claimed it tasted better. 

He wasn’t willing to forget how warm you felt when you slept beside him, cuddled up underneath his arm or how it felt to have your fingers massage his back after a long day in the maze. 

He wasn’t willing to let any of that go but for your sake, he was ready to make new memories with you as long as you would never leave him again. 

“ I’m Minho and trust me, with a face like mine, you’ll never forget me.” 

[sondepoch]

Chapter 1

Hearts on Three (Satan x Reader)

The athlete and the nerd. The rich kid and the scholarship student. The girl who will constantly joke about breaking your knee caps and the boy who will actually do it. There are so many ways to describe your relationship with Satan. Too many, if you’re being honest. He’s your best friend. The smartest tutor you’ve ever had. He also spends thousands of dollars for you at the drop of a hat and holds your hand when you’re feeling down. And in the beginning, that's okay. Neither of you let yourselves get bogged down by labels, both of you content to just savor this newfound friendship. But deeper feelings always have a way of complicating things. And for better or for worse, you and Satan are no exception.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | ✎

MASTERLIST

Volleyball is far from a quiet sport.

No matter what's happening, there's always noise: the sound of a hand colliding with a ball during a serve, the sound of shoes squeaking against the floor in preparation for a receive, the sound of hoarse shouts and strained calls whenever someone is open, ready to take the next touch.

The sport is built out of the fabric of communication, players constantly shouting to claim balls, ask for a toss, ready the team for defense.

Add in the cheers of the audience, and then it's as if the noise never stops.

"Game point, girls!" Your coach's words are almost inaudible, hovering under the roars of the audience who are still cheering for the last point. "Keep it up and we end this here!"

You echo similar words of encouragement to your team before finding your position, staring straight ahead as someone serves the ball over.

Your feet move the moment you hear the slap of the serve, darting to your defense position as you bend your knees and crouch low. You can tell that the ball is going to soar back onto your side of the court as soon as you see the way the opposing team's libero has positioned her arms—the limbs perfectly parallel but far too deep for the ball to go anywhere but back to you after one touch.

"Freeball!" You shout, stepping away from defense to back into your approach line, but by the time you're ready to call for the ball, your setter has already tossed to the right-side hitter.

Inwardly, you can't help but feel a pang of jealousy at that. You know it's stupid, that you're the one person on the team who's probably touched the ball more than anyone else, but your fingers ache for more. Adrenaline runs through your veins thicker than blood at this point, and all you know is that you want it to be you who ends this match.

"Back, back!" The team's libero calls the ball as she positions herself under it. This time, it bounces off her arms and sails straight into the hands of the setter, who tosses it to the outside hitter.

But then, the team sends the ball flying straight toward your defense specialist.

It's the worst mistake they can make, with match point weighing against them.

You lock eyes with your team's setter the second you sense the trajectory of the ball, mirth coloring both your expressions as you collectively realize that the match is as good as won. As expected, the ball arches into the setter's hands within seconds, and then you've begun your approach, your feet tracing the familiar left-right-left pattern before you jump up, flying high.

You don't bother calling for the ball, seeing no need to alert the setter of your readiness. You already expect her to toss to you—the look in her eyes earlier was practically screaming it.

What you don't expect is for your silence to reward you with an empty defense, the entire court diving to block the other hitter as the girl on the other side of the court calls for the ball at the top of her lungs, none of them realizing that the ball is being delivered to you until it's too late.

Another mistake.

The last one they'll make in this game.

The ball connects with your hand at the peak of your jump, when you're so impossibly high above the net that you can see the disbelief on your opponents' faces even as you jerk your arm down and slam the ball into the ground, letting it fall with enough force to make every one of them flinch.

The cheers begin before your feet have even landed on the ground.

You don't hear the referee when he blows the whistle, the sound of it drowned out by the whooping and hollering of your school in the bleachers, all of them screaming in support for what was definitely one of the most intense matches you've had thus far.

A grin spreads across your face, proud and confident.

Your team lines up behind you within seconds, all of them eager to shake hands with the team and then break off to continue celebrating. It's all over so fast, and you don't even have time to begin shifting impatiently from foot to foot before the girls are done, arms thrown up in celebration as they dive into a celebratory huddle in the center of the court.

You waste no time in running to join them, literally throwing yourself at the heap of girls and landing with your weight balanced on a poor sophomore as you high five everyone on the team.

"That was amazing, guys!" You don't bother jumping off the sophomore's back, making yourself comfortable as you begin going over everything you guys did right, and how proud you are of the team.

At least, that's what you would do.

A cough from behind you stops you in the middle of a sentence, and you turn around, already knowing who to expect.

"Hi, Headmaster Barbie!" You give an enthusiastic wave to the man in front of you.

"Please," He begins, his expression mortified as usual when you address him so casually. "Do not call me that. We have had this conversation before."

"Yeah, yeah," You mumble, hopping off the girl you'd been piggybacking on. "What can I do for you, Big B?"

The man sighs. He should have known better than to expect you to call him by his proper name. You've called him 'Headmaster Barbatos' precisely once in your life, back when you first met him. Never again.

"We discussed over the summer that you would be needing a tutor should your grades fall to a certain point—"

A small part of you cringes, having taken that memory and burnt it to a crisp. But now you remember that Barbatos did tell you that if you wanted to stay on the volleyball team, you couldn't fail any classes.

And you're currently failing all of them but one.

"Gosh, Big B, I'd love to stay and chat, but I actually think I should go talk with my team for now. We just won, you know? I should be with them. Plus, I can't let them get too cocky. It's captain's responsibility to go over the things that went wrong, and I should head over—"

"Your co-captain appears to be fulfilling those duties just fine for you."

You can already hear your team's setter chastising one of the girls for calling a few balls at the beginning of the game that she should have left to the libero, and you bite your lip. As usual, Barbatos is one step ahead of you.

"Okay, but there are more than a few recruiters here today. I'm sure they want to speak with me. That last hit of mine was really flashy, y'know? Anyways, I should probably go. If you think about it, it's technically my future at stake. Wouldn't want to compromise that, so I'll just—"

Barbatos steps in front of you before you can slide out of the situation, sealing off your escape route.

"You spoke to four recruiters before the match began."

You want to correct him, want to tell him that you were actually approached by five, but you feel like that won't help your situation.

"Moving on, you have either ignored all the letters sent to your mailbox telling you to improve your grades, or you have attempted to fix them and have still failed. In light of this, the school has decided to assign you a tutor."

"You mean you decided to assign me a tutor." You throw a pout at Barbatos, making it obvious that you hate the idea of spending any more time with studies than you have to.

"Yes, I made the decision to assign you a tutor. The alternative was allowing you to fail all your finals this trimester, whereupon you would be kicked from the volleyball team, lose your scholarship, be removed from the school, and be forced to repeat your senior year elsewhere."

You say nothing, merely opting to frown at Barbatos's shoes. Stupid leather loafers. What business do they have looking so pristine?

"Anyway, I managed to find a suitable student willing to be your tutor, and—"

"A student?"

Your ears perk up at that. You were expecting that you'd have to sit for three hours a day with some old fart who doesn't know the first thing about volleyball. But if it's a kid your age, then…

"Yes." Barbatos gestures to the student next to him, whom you only now realize has been standing here the whole time. "This is Satan. He's going to be responsible for making sure you pass your midterm and final exams."

"A pleasure to meet you." The boy forces a curt smile to his face, nodding at you.

You stare at him.

Tall. Blonde. Green eyes. Attractive in the stereotypical sense, the kind of prettyboy one of your teammates might date. Looks like he might be athletically inclined, but his manicured nails make you doubt he's played any intense sports within the past three weeks.

"Hi!" You blurt, extending a hand out for Satan to shake. You internally cringe, wishing that Barbatos hadn't chosen to introduce you to your tutor immediately after a match. There's sweat dripping down the back of your neck, and you haven't even had time to drop your knee pads to your ankles. You can feel hair sticking to your forehead.

I look like a mess.

Satan is enough of a gentleman not to comment on it, shaking your hand politely.

"Have we…" You study Satan's face, wondering if it's just your imagination. "Have we met? I feel like I've seen you before."

Satan arches an eyebrow, glancing at Barbatos. You might be reading their expressions wrong, but you swear they seem to be asking each other a silent question: Is she serious?

"You…" Barbatos shakes his head, sighing. "Satan is your student president. Your class elected him."

"Hm," You mumble, skeptical. "I don't think that's how I know him. I had a tournament during elections and all, so I didn't see any of this year's candidates."

The edge of Satan's lips quirks up in amusement.

"Satan has been your student president," Barbatos informs you. He's practically hissing, his voice taking on the tone of a parent embarrassed over their child. "He's one of our best and most prolific students. Your class has elected him all four years. How have you not noticed?"

You frown, tapping your chin.

Now that Barbatos mentions it, you are pretty sure you've heard of Satan before. But that doesn't explain why you recognize his face. Your life has been centered around athletics from the day you found volleyball—and Satan might judge you for it, but you've never paid attention to the school executive board. Anyone who isn't an athlete gets lost in the sea of faces, and...oh!

"Freshman year!" You exclaim, eyes lighting up. "I saw you when we were in our freshman year! You were on the Varsity winter track team—and—and—and your mile time was 5:11.02! I remember because it was even faster than mine!"

You can see Satan's eyes widen the second you rattle that number off, definitely having forgotten it but recognizing it as correct the moment you mention it to him.

"How do you remember that?" He asks incredulously, looking almost mortified that you know him not for any of his academic achievements but for something he clearly attaches no significance to.

"How could I have forgotten?!" You ask in response, eyes wide in wonder at the realization that this absolute legend is going to be your tutor.

"See?" Barbatos smiles. "She has a good memory for things that she cares about. Your work is already cut out for you, Satan."

The man flashes you his usual cryptic smile, though you swear you detect a hint of pride in his gaze.

"Regardless, I'll leave you two to acquaint yourselves. Satan, I trust you'll be able to find your dorm. And you," Barbatos's expression morphs into one of warning, though the amusement beneath the mask is easy to find in his eyes. "Stay out of trouble."

"Thank you, Barbatos."

"Later, Big B!"

"That's Headmaster Barbatos to you both," He mumbles under his breath, shaking his head as he leaves you and Satan to go speak with your coach, likely to inform the man of your poor academic state.

Next to you, Satan laughs.

"I've never seen someone actually make that man express emotion." Satan flashes you an approving glance, impressed. "You really must be something special."

"I totally am!" You don't bother pretending to be humble. "Did you see my hit at the end of the game? It was perfect! I can't remember the last time I got to spike down on empty defense!"

You continue to chatter animatedly, waving your hands around wildly as you describe all your favorite plays from the game.

"Oh, oh, and did you see that feint my co-captain did in the first set? The other team was so confident when they went to block me—even I was surprised when she just set it over! She's such a great girl, you know? You should come to more of our matches! Maybe we could even set up a day where I go to one of your track meets and you come to one of my matches, and—"

For the first time since you began rambling, Satan interrupts you.

"I don't do track anymore."

You blink.

"Wait, really?" A momentary stupor washes over your senses as you try to recall everyone on the Varsity track team. Sure enough, Satan's face doesn't come to mind—probably the reason why it took you so long to remember him in the first place. "Why'd you quit?"

Satan grins at you.

"I'll tell you when you get your first A."

Satan is utterly unsurprised to learn that his dorm is in the same building as yours. It's exactly the type of thing Barbatos would do—that slimy bastard—force the two of you together so that Satan has no choice but to tutor you, bringing your grades up so that the school doesn't have to lose its oh so precious star athlete.

Yeah, Satan isn't too excited at the prospect of having to tutor you.

And in truth, who would be?

An athlete like you screams trouble. Sure, you seem like the nicest person Satan has ever met and yeah, there's a certain quality about you that makes you impossible to dislike. But the blonde is too familiar with the world of jocks to fall for appearances.

He eyes the corner of your hand, studying the various envelopes that you balance between your fingers.

Some of them are letters from recruiters, he knows, and others are random brochures. He sees a sheet of notes your coach had handed to you, telling you to go over it so that you could run it by the girls tomorrow at practice, but most prominent is the variety of colorful envelopes that are wedged between your index and middle fingers.

Confession letters.

Three of them, to be precise.

And this wasn't even one of your biggest games.

Those letters are probably the single biggest reason why Satan is eyeing you so warily. He doesn't know a single person in the world who can accept love letters on a regular basis and not let it get to their head. Hell, Satan used to receive love letters on a regular basis, and he let it get to his head.

It was almost strange, Satan remembers, watching you accept all three confession letters with such a sweet smile—your bright eyes never once taking on a tint of condescension even as suitors readily set you up for it.

The boy frowns to himself, shaking his head.

Satan knows what people are like. He knows what you're going to be like. Too much of the spotlight will burn anyone in the long run, and Satan's been hearing about your volleyball skills from his friends long enough to know that you've been under the spotlight longer than anyone should be. That kindness you wear so naturally has to be nothing more than a facade, a mask of lies to make people like you. You look sincere enough, but you're obviously just a brilliant actress. A wizard at hiding your true expressions. Dumb when it comes to school, but secretly a mastermind of manipulation.

"Wait!" You blurt, eyes wide. "We have to go back!"

"Oh?" Satan arches an eyebrow, not particularly bothered by the idea. "Why?"

"I left my kneepads in the gym!"

Satan blinks.

Okay, he takes all of that back.

There's no way you're a mastermind of anything. Except volleyball, maybe. And if your head is this empty, it's a wonder you're even able to be that good at that.

"The kneepads," Satan begins, impossibly slow, hoping that you'll come to the realization on your own. "That you left in the gym," He continues, eyes round in disbelief as you nod your head ardently. "That are currently on your knees?"

You blink. Once, then twice. And then you slowly drop your head to your knees, eyes widening as an impossibly quiet "oh" escapes your lips.

Satan snorts.

"I thought you had a good memory for the things you cared about," The blonde says, arching an amused eyebrow your way. It's probably the first time tonight where he's seeing you genuinely embarrassed and not just recklessly optimistic.

"I—I do!" You defend indignantly, hiking your duffel bag higher around your shoulder as you awkwardly try to find your balance under the weight of it. "It's just that I normally put my knee pads around my ankles after a game, and so I assumed that I left them behind when I couldn't feel them there!"

A pretty decent excuse, the blonde knows. Heck, even he was a bit thrown off today when Barbatos approached him and told him that this was the day he would get to meet his tutoring student. But Satan finds mirth in your momentary fluster, so he doesn't let you know any of this, his grin only widening as he nods disbelievingly.

"I'm sure," He says with enough dismissal in his voice for you to know he doesn't believe you.

"Hey!" You protest. "I'm being serious! I'm not stupid!"

"A debatable subject, based on recent evidence."

Satan can't even get another step in before you've slung your duffel bag off of your shoulder, whacking Satan straight in the chest with it. The blonde stumbles at the force of it, abruptly realizing that the muscles on your arms are no joke, but he regains his balance soon enough.

"Is that seriously any way to be treating your new tutor?" His words are serious but his voice betrays him, amusement sliding in when he was hoping to tease you some more.

"If anything, you should be treating me better," You argue back. "Aren't you, like, supposed to be getting me hyped about learning or something?"

"All in due time," He responds with a sigh, heart deflating at the prospect. Again, you seem like a nice enough person. But Satan's intuition is screaming at him that you're going to be a nightmare of a student—no matter how fun you seem to be.

"Is this our building?" He asks, trying to read the sign in front of the dorm in the darkness, to no avail.

"Yup. Haven't you been here before?

"Only once," Satan mumbles as he holds the door open for you. "Barbatos had me move in today. He probably wanted me here to keep you in line."

You roll your eyes at that, not dignifying Satan with a response as you pass the sign-in log to him, waiting so that the two of you can walk to the elevator together.

"What's your room number?" He asks, only when he's trying to figure out which button to press.

"665. Top floor."

Ah, Satan thinks, amusement flooding his veins as he presses the neon six. So not only are the two of you in the same building, but your rooms are literally across from each other.

Definitely something Barbatos would do.

Satan feels like he should be annoyed at that, because it certainly wasn't a part of the bargain he struck with Lucifer and it should have been mentioned to him at the start, back when he first agreed to become a tutor.

And yet, he can't bring himself to give in to the familiar simmer of wrath, not with you standing so close next to him, wiggling your eyebrows and making silly expressions in the mirror that Satan can only pretend he isn't enjoying.

MASTERLIST

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | ✎

Word count: 3.7k

Notes: okay what up so this series is going to be different from everything i’ve done before because (1) there won’t be an update schedule, ima try my best to update at least weekly (maybe even twice per week :3) but college will definitely be taking priority (2) i usually try to avoid referring to gender, even in my fics where mc isn’t gender neutral, but because this is an mc on a girl’s vball team, her gender will be referenced a lot (3) this isn’t going to be plot driven like most of my works, it’s honestly just an indulgent slow burn fic and that is the driver (4) yeah you might have already figured this one out but the mc in this fic has personality. she is confident, spirited, and full of life in every way - and although most of my reader inserts normally have some semblance of a personality, i’m rlly not holding back with this one. i totally totally understand if any of these reasons make you not want to read this story. if that’s the case, i thank you for even giving it a chance - but if you’re down to stick around, buckle up bc this series is going to be a LONG ride and i can’t wait to go on it with you all <3

Comment & Like

Thank you for reading <3

I do not own the rights to Obey Me! or any of the characters within it.

[dennou-translations]

Kagerou Daze VIII: Chapter 8

Children Record -side No.7-

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases in Japanese or in English. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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If “not forgetting” was the prerequisite for “having memories”, what was a “memory” once forgotten called?

I roamed my thoughts, not telling anyone about the “recollections” that I seemed dangerously close to losing.

The “goodbyes” that seemed to burn our chests, the miraculous “reunions”, the “future” that we’d reached our hands out to while readying ourselves for certain death – no matter how much we cherished them, it’d be a disappointment if we ended up forgetting everything.

“Forgetting” didn’t leave even loneliness behind. As if nothing had ever existed from the very beginning, the forgotten recollection would lose even the name “memory” and be gone without a trace. It was an utterly absurd story. No matter how dear our memories were to us, we couldn’t build a fence around them. We would fail to recall even the reasons to try remembering “memories” that were truly forgotten.

Right, we were there because we’d been “continuously forgetting”. By stepping over the dead bodies of memories that we couldn’t remember, we were moving forward one way or another.

That was the only thing I didn’t want to forget.

“He~y, you awake?” an insensitive voice echoed through the madder-red-dyed classroom.

Sitting in the last row next to the window and having been watching the slowly darkening diorama-like cityscape, I turned toward the owner of the voice. Illuminated by sunset glow, Ayano’s face was openly peeking at me from the seat in front of mine.

For starters, it was all too questionable that the concept of “sleep” would exist in this ambiguous world, where we were both alive and dead, so I wondered if she was joking.

No, that was suspicious. She didn’t seem to be thinking anything.

“There anyone who sleeps with their eyes closed?” as I asked rudely, I turned back to the cityscape out the window.

At the corner of my line of sight, Ayano shrank back a little. Seeing her that way, it looked to me like Ayano had started to get a slight inkling of things. I wasn’t trying to be mean to her or anything, but to be frank, I was irritated.

“C-Could it be... you’re angry at me for not going to you for advice?” Ayano asked with upturned eyes, stirring lightly in dread.

“About what?”

“Erm, like... I came over here by myself without asking for your opinion.” Hanging her head after saying so, Ayano flickeringly peeked at my complexion.

Well, she was mostly right.

At the very least, I didn’t hate her. She’d seemed friendly with me for some reason, and it hadn’t been just one or two times that I’d watched over her studies. Of course, given that we were a guy and a girl, I thought it was appropriate for each of us to keep a secret or two from one another. But even if that much was okay, as friends, I totally thought we had a relationship where one could rely on the other and be relied on whenever we were faced with great distress.

Still, this.

Hn, well~, there sure are things about her that I’ve never heard of from the Mekakushi-dan guys! Why, she went around on her own to investigate Clearing, and dear me, all her younger siblings had superhuman abilities, so she tried to enter Kagerou Daze alone after making up her mind – the more I dig, the more bargain sales I get of stuff I was never told before.

No, it wasn’t like I was vexed that she had kept it all a secret from me, or that I wanted to know Ayano through and through, or anything of the sort. Absolutely not. It’s just that, as her friend, I felt resentment at how she had done things in a reckless way without taking herself into consideration.

When I glanced at her, Ayano reacted to my gaze and her body shrank back uneasily.

Dammit... Acting like a little puppy...!

Trying to take advantage of my conscience would get her nowhere. Who knew how badly my heart had ached because of her during these two years?

Other men might end up easily forgiving you, but Shintarou-san isn’t the kind of skirt chaser who’d yield to that. Shintarou-san’s been severe lately.

“Well, things are the way they are. Even if I judge you at this point of the game, there’s no helping them.”

How regretful. Shintarou-san does wind up easily forgiving a girl when she fidgets at him.

Perhaps thinking that I was going to scold her or something, Ayano stared blankly at me for a bit, and then gave a faint smile, looking apologetic. “You’re as nice as ever. That’s why you ended up here, Shintarou.”

“Shaddap. You’re the same as me, aren’t you?” leaving my inward gags aside, I used rude language to dodge the embarrassing mood.

My bodily sense of time told me that it had been approximately one or two days ever since I was swallowed by Kagerou Daze. Still, in an environment where I could get neither sleepy nor hungry, there was probably not much meaning in relying on body sensations.

According to Haruka-senpai, there was a huge gap between here and outside regarding the flow of time. I had a rough idea of it from listening to Hibiya talk about how “the same day had repeated over and over”, and sure enough, there was no logic or reason to it. It indeed didn’t seem like I had been wrong about this being a world removed from common sense.

“But I was really surprised. To think Shintarou would be fighting together with everyone.”

“I was the last person who could’ve imagined something like that. Working my ass off to read deep into things for someone else’s sake just isn’t like me...”

“Nope, you’re wrong. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt that it’d turn out like this. That Shintarou would do his best to protect everyone.” Ayano added, “That’s why I couldn’t tell you anything” at the end, shying out.

So she had expected that I’d fight.

Well, it wouldn’t not be inevitable that I’d get myself involved in this as long as Momo was an Ability User, but she shouldn’t know that Momo was an Ability User in the first place. If so, I couldn’t believe right off the bat that she had anticipated things would turn out like this, since I was “someone unrelated” to her in the end.

Hm. Wait a minute. Hahaan, don’t tell me...

“Could this be consolation for a ‘non-Ability-User’ like me?”

By some sort of karma, everyone I’d been involved with in high school had become an Ability User. Yet I was the only one who was still a newborn Bambi until now. I didn’t think hatefully of that, but I wondered if she didn’t think of me as inconvenient, since I was the sole person who hadn’t gotten his hands on an Ability out of our group of four friends.

Regardless, Ayano responded to my sarcasm-mixed words by shaking her head furiously. “I-I’m serious! I saw Shintarou fighting even in my dreams!”

“Hoh, what kinda dream was that?”

“Erm. One where Shintarou was standing coolly in front of everyone and flashily defeating the boss. You were wearing a bright red full-body unitard with the sunset on your back, saying, ‘Sorry for the wait! Here’s the unmatched super hero!’ and swinging an iron ball with a chain...”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!! What sorta perverted bastard is that?!! That ain’t related to Abilities by a single millimeter, and actually, it didn’t become true at all, did it?!”

Halfway tending to trip, Ayano, who had been imagining me swinging around an iron ball, abruptly returned to reality. “That’s true. Gee, I wonder if it was in a different dream...”

“More like, just how often have you dreamed of me...?”

It was repulsive to think that I played an active role inside her brain clad in a transformation suit of sorts. Nevertheless, Ayano herself said something spine-chilling, like, “M-Might’ve been pretty often...” with her face turning red for some reason.

“B-But y’know, there are many Eye Abilities, so it’s not weird that there’s a power like sharing a future, is it?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised no matter what comes up at this point, but are you the Ability User who can see this future?”

“No way! I’m totally not that!” resolutely denying it, Ayano made an X using her arms with a smack.

“Then isn’t this theory a bust?! Don’t try to justify the version of me that’s haunting your brain. First things first, take off the unitard!”

“Eeh?! If the unitard is off, the cool part is gone...”

“Eh, then wasn’t I unnecessary from the start?”

How tiring.

Aah, I was remembering it. You’d need a huge amount of effort to talk to her; about as much as when talking to Ene. It was a meaningless conversation, almost as if we were speaking just for the sake of “speaking”... Not knowing to settle her tone down even after dying made her a terrifying fellow.

But these aren’t pointless conversations like the ones of back then, I guess.

Precisely because she had died, she had played a major role in the fight of the outside world. As proof of this, she earlier had talked about what had been concerning her for a bit.

Praying that it wouldn’t be a fruitless conversation, I opened my mouth, “Just now, you said your Ability isn’t the power to see the future, right?”

“Ah, yup. I did.”

“Then, what Ability did you get?”

Silence.

“Aah, that’s right! I had to talk about it!!” Pushing the chair with a clatter, Ayano stood up all of a sudden with vehement vigor.

“Hyan!!” and I, exceptionally surprised by it, fell backward while letting out an uncanny cry. Splendidly hit the back of my head. If this weren’t the inside of Kagerou Daze, it would’ve been an accidental homicide.

“Uwaah! Sorry, sorry! Well, about the Abilities...”

“W-Wait a minute, your tempo is too fast; at least lemme fix up the chair.” I frantically got up from the floor, putting the chair back in place with a rattle.

Just trying to have a proper conversation with her was that exhausting. Most likely, by the time she finished introducing the topic, my soul would have eroded and disappeared.

“Well, then.”

“Yeah.”

We pulled ourselves together and re-started the conversation.

“I think it’s better for me to begin explaining from the time I came to this world... to Kagerou Daze.”

“Sure. Got any confidence that you can explain it decently?”

“N-Not much, but... I’ll do my best.”

That’s the spirit. Let’s hear it.

“See, it’s about the day... when I did that thing on the rooftop.”

“W-Wait a minute. Can’t you stop talking this way? It’s too lighthearted, kinda like—”

“Geez~, and here I’d finally come up with a good explanation! Be quiet and listen!” Ayano flat and moderately hit the desk.

She was mad at me. I listened in silence.

“Right after I entered Kagerou Daze... I met a girl named Azami.”

“Azami”. The originator who had birthed the Abilities and the first victim of Clearing’s plot.

I used to have no idea about what had happened to Azami herself after she transferred Abilities to people on the outside, but this meant that she had been staying in Kagerou Daze while retaining her consciousness. I couldn’t think that Ayano would lie on purpose. If they had met, then that was probably the case.

“She was really weak. Until that point, she’d been existing as a spiritual body with the power of Stirring, which she gave to Takane-san, but then it was gone too, so it seemed she was at her limit.”

“I... see. So Enomoto became Ene after that.”

“Yep, yep. My, how can I put it...? Takane-san got a-all bright after that, huh?” Ayano seemed to be choosing her words most carefully out of respect for our senior, but as expected, the strain at the edge of her lips didn’t fool anyone.

Rejoice, Enomoto; your dear junior saw it all.

Perhaps having noticed my grin, Ayano said, “L-Let’s leave that aside” and resumed the talk, tending to tumble. “After losing her physical and spiritual body, Azami had only one power left. That was the Ability I received,” saying so, Ayano pointed at the corner of her eye.

“The last one... I also didn’t know about this.”

The “Ten Abilities” cited in Azami’s diary were mostly referenced by name. However, no matter how many times I counted, there were only nine names in it. Those nine Abilities applied to the powers residing in the people outside. In other words, the one residing inside Ayano was the Tenth Ability, which hadn’t been listed in the diary.

Tapping with the finger that was aimed at herself, Ayano spoke with slightly wavering words, “This is a bit of a weird Ability. It’s got a nature that’s a little different from the other Abilities, so to say; it’s an Ability that sprouted from Azami’s ‘heart’, like... Would you understand if I say it’s a power created from the feeling of ‘wanting to convey’?”

“Nope, don’t get it at all.”

“Thought so.” Ayano exhaled a prolonged sigh with a “haah~”.

My, you sure are doing your best for someone so bad at explaining stuff.

“Ah, that’s right. Then wouldn’t it be better if I did it like this?”

One instant.

Almost as if shaded with sunset glow, Ayano’s dark brown hair was pregnant with a dense orange color. That was the activation of an Ability, which I had witnessed countless times. Still, the “sense of pressure” that seemed to be released from Ayano’s two eyes was nearly non-existent.

“Y’see, I think it’ll probably the easiest way for you to understand if I do it like this... Can you accept it?”

Ayano’s words and the movements of her lips incited a natural nod from me.

“Thank you. Then, I’ll ‘convey’ it to you, ‘kay?”

The color that appeared to be swaying inside her irises flared up all the more intensely. Unable even to blink, I simply surrendered my body to the persuasiveness of those orbs.

“Favoring Eyes.”

I was in a dark place. There was no right, left, up or down. It wasn’t cold or hot.

It was that kind of place.

“You’ll disappear, won’t you, Azami?” a voice rang throughout the complete darkness. Even if I chased for the voice’s owner, I couldn’t find her.

And there was one more voice. It came closer as if to nestle with me, word overlapping upon word, “Yeah. I am glad I could talk to someone like you in my last moments. More than anything, I am sorry for not having been able to do a single thing for you all until the very end. Truly, I am sorry...”

“I don’t want you to cry, ‘cause I’m also holding back from doing it.”

“I-I am not crying. It was just snot that came out. Besides... my ‘memory’ has already been delivered to your heart, right?”

“Yep, it has. Azami, I’ve definitely received your ‘memory’. That’s why I’m not lonely anymore.”

“Is that so? Then I am relieved. In the future, this ‘memory’ might be useful for something. The ‘memory’ is not me but the precious ‘feelings’ I had when I was alive.”

“Really, you’re right. I can understand your ‘memory’... as if it were my own. You’ve been doing your best to live on for such a very long time, huh, Azami?”

“Ugh... hic...”

“Aah, sorry. I didn’t say it out of thinking about making you cry.”

“That’s not it; that’s not it at all. It’s just... I’ve never even dreamed that someone would say something like this to me.”

“You’re a real crybaby, Azami. It’s okay; ‘cause I-I... surely won’t forget...

“What, but aren’t you also crying?”

“E-Ehehe. We’re together on this, huh?”

Silence.

“It is already time. Lastly... I will leave this with you.”

“Egh...”

“It is my ‘heart’... the power named ‘Favoring’. It is the power to convey ‘feelings’ and ‘memories’... Surely, if it’s you...”

“Hic... u-ueeh...”

“Welcome back. Did it get properly conveyed?”

“Yeah, it did.”

The color of the classroom dyed in scarlet was unfading, softly enveloping my consciousness as I was pulled back. It wasn’t like I’d been “shown” or “told” anything, yet a memory of Azami and Ayano’s encounter found itself inside my head as if it were logical.

“Shintarou, could it be you’re crying?”

“I ain’t crying. It’s just snot that came out.”

Ayano stared at my face for a bit, and perhaps realizing the meaning of those words, she gave me a shy smile.

I started thinking about Ayano.

The environment encircling her when she was still alive was wretched to the point of making me sick. To think that she had lost her precious mother, that her father – who used to be her only foundation – went through a transformation, and that her siblings and school seniors were taken as hostages. It wasn’t the kind of story that would only go as far as making your insides boil.

And so, Ayano had jumped from the rooftop, entering Kagerou Daze through cutting her own life short. Kano had made guesses about it; that as a result of linking her mother’s notes to Clearing’s plans, she had probably thought she could hinder Clearing’s plot of “gathering Abilities to make a Medusa” if she got her hands on one of the Ten Abilities.

Through my meeting with the Mekakushi-dan guys and connecting the pasts that each of them had talked about, I had arrived to the true motives behind Ayano’s actions. I had been accompanied by inevitable rage. That was why I’d sustained myself on that rage and fought. I’d been beating the hell of out this shitty world, which had been making people like them – who were living in desperation – into fools, pushing ridiculous absurdity onto them, and trying to rob them of even their future.

And the outcome of that fight was as one could see.

There wasn’t a single means of salvation, and neither was any miracle going to happen. The plan I’d come up with through milking my brains out also hadn’t served to save everybody. There was really nothing more worthless than the fact that, if there was just one thing I could do, it was to talk to my dead friends.

Nevertheless, even if I died, even if I rotted, there was one truth that I couldn’t escape from. Outside of Kagerou Daze, the Mekakushi-dan guys were even now fighting against the enemy. Just because I’d died, there was no way I alone could put an end to it on my own accord. And it seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking so.

Ayano and I looked into each other’s eyes, and as if confirming one another’s wills, we exchanged words.

“Must keep it up until the end, huh?”

“Yeah, it ain’t over yet.”

At Ayano’s unfaltering words, I was convinced of one thing. Most likely, she and I were imagining the exact same conclusion for this battle.

In the first place, this fight had pre-existing conditions thrust into it from the beginning. The enemy was an immortal Ability itself, and the only one who could control it – the Medusa – didn’t exist in this world. So long as the enemy was immortal, if Mary didn’t turn into a Medusa and make it powerless, the Ability Users would all be brutally killed, no matter how much they ran or tried to buy time. Still, for Mary to become a Medusa, she had to draw the Abilities out of the Ability Users.

In other words, from the very start, the development where all of us would survive didn’t exist in this battle.

It was a cruel story that nothing could be done about, but it was the “reality” of this struggle. As long as we couldn’t all survive together, we couldn’t puff out our chests and claim that “we won”. And, albeit being aware of these prerequisites, everyone from the Mekakushi-dan had thrown themselves into the fight.

If only we’d managed to figure everything out sooner, faster.

It was too late for being frustrated over that or anything else at this point. Because, right now, everything had come to the moment just before the end.

Still, there was only one thing. It was a mere possibility, but there was something left in our hands. It was liable to turn out as meaningless, but if we hadn’t fought, we would never have been able to get our hands on it. Just as there was no “victory” for us in this battle, as long as we had that thing, there was also no “defeat”.

After all, the goal we carried was not to “win”.

“I left just one thing behind on the other side,” saying so, I took a cellphone out of my jersey’s pocket, put it on the desk and tilted my neck at Ayano.

“A phone? I think it won’t connect with the other side, though...”

“If you think on ordinary terms, that’s how it’d be. Except, there’re guys who ‘ain’t normal’ on the other side.”

It didn’t even serve as an all-or-nothing, and it seemed suspicious that it’d be as much as a one-in-a-million chance; that was the kind of bet it was. And even if it became true, that didn’t mean it could knock down the enemy. Simply for the sake of grasping an “extension”, I’d entrusted one last wish to that girl.

“Even if you thought it out, you normally wouldn’t do something like that.” Perhaps having understood my anticipations, Ayano gave me a strained smile.

“I might’ve stopped being ‘normal’ too.”

Seen from the sidelines, me betting my own life not for the sake of surviving or fighting, but merely for “choosing”, probably came off as an abnormality. And so, I ruminated inside my mind for our clichéd purpose, which we had decided upon in that hideout.

Our child-like objective of “not giving up on the future no matter what”.

[jadenoon]

Abandoned

TW // Suicide, Self-harm

He waited on the swings for her. His feet anxiously dug into the dirt he sat above as the palms of his hands clenched the rusty metal supporting his weight. Rust that had time to set in for years after the park was completely abandoned. Something about this abandoned park felt like home, he just didn’t know why. 

That was when he saw her, nervously looking from side to side as she made her way on over to him. 

He watched her light brown hair sway with each step on the park’s mulch as it had when they used to meet every day at the abandoned swing set. He missed her smile, it had been a while since they had last visited the vacant park together. 

She plopped down on the aged seat of the swing next to him, a solemn expression plastered onto her beautiful but seemingly tired face. Such an expression formed a lump in his throat making it hard for him to breathe. He hadn’t seen her since the incident. 

He watched her lips part and then seal close multiple times as if she was trying to form a sentence. She finally stopped trying and just bit her lower lip. 

He couldn’t lose her. She was his light in dark times, the only stable thing his my life. He needed her. 

He started to take breaths in a short and stuttering motion as if anxiety itself was sitting upon his chest, forcing all the air out of him.

“W-what’s wrong?” he finally managed to ask, but he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want anything to be wrong.

They had been together for almost a year now, in his mind things couldn’t end so soon. 

“I think it is best we go our separate ways, I can’t help you,” she looked scared, started to cry, her eyes wide, “I found out about what happened. I-I just can’t.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, but he knew she was referring to two nights ago when he was rushed to the hospital. 

He felt like crying but his eyes stayed dry as he watched her with an intense sense of dread. Tears stroked her cheeks as gravity pulled the salty droplets to the ground.

“Don’t you get it?!” her voice started to raise, “I don’t understand what is going on with you. I can’t be with you like this, I can’t help you!”

he tried to reassure her somehow knowing that it was no use. His voice cracking with each sentence he managed to form.

“B-but you can help me, you have-”

He stopped in the middle of his sentence as she started to vigorously shake her head. 

He tried to reach out to her, to reassuringly grab a hold of her hand, as he used to rub circles with his thumb against her palm; But as he reached forward she jerked back, manicured nails reaching into her handbag for the pepper spray that she brought. 

Why would she have brought pepper spray?

His eyes widened.

She apologized over and over as she started to get up from the swing, the bottle of pepper spray still tight within her grasp. And then she backed up, turned around, and ran towards the car as if he was going to shoot her at any minute. As if he were somehow unpredictable, broken beyond repair. 

And soon he was left there abandoned by the swings. Somehow this sensation felt similar to him as he watched and heard her car turn on, headlights lights flickering as she backed out of the desolate parking lot. 

He bit his lip as tears started to pour out of his eyes. He frantically started to wipe the tears away as they dripped down his chin. 

In a frenzy, he scraped his arm against the edged rusty metal. The jagged chains tore into his recently stitched-up cuts, opening both old and new wounds. He stopped what he was doing, frozen as a searing pain consumed his whole hand and arm. The tears continued to stream down his cheeks but he stopped wiping them, his eyes blurred as he stared at the mess of blood oozing down his arm. The same arm he always etched into with a kitchen knife when emotion was threatening to rip him apart. 

He never saw what he was doing in such a light; the light of those who never could and never understood. Pieces of the rusty metal nested into his own deformed skin. He bit into his tongue stifling a scream.

How could he have done this to himself?

And suddenly, just as his Ex was, he was terrified of himself and what he could and would do to his own body. 

The most immediate impact we can inflict is damage. We can’t heal as fast as we can hurt ourselves. He couldn’t just bandage his disfigured severely injured arm and hope everything would be alright, these types of scars would stay with him forever; Reminding him of how lost he would always feel, reminding him of why the people in his life always left him, reminding him of the hospital trip that scared his Ex off in the first place. 

It hurt, throbbing pain-causing his own fingers to shake. He wasn’t even sure how to stop the bleeding. He just didn’t want to deal with it all anymore. If the whole rest of his life would be left defined by his past mistakes, he didn’t he wanted to carry on. 

The abandoned park was situated nearby a rushing river and he thought drowning wouldn’t be a bad way to go. He wasn’t thinking. His eyes had glazed over and now he was just aimlessly walking, no fear to block his path; Instead, desire and grief led the way.

He thought about who might miss him. 13 years in foster care, switching from home to home and he could surely say no one. He had acquaintances who would be shocked but not care enough to spend a night thinking about it. His ex-girlfriend was the one who left, to care would be looking back. He believed she was too scared of him and what he had become to look back. 

By now he was already waist-deep into the freezing waters which forced their way past him, rushing toward the sea, to a greater expanse miles away. As soon as the numbing water of the river rushed across his body and into the open gashes covering his arm, once again, pain threatened to tear him apart, something that he would now allow. 

Bubbles of air escaped his nostrils when he sank as the rocky floor underneath him suddenly dropped. He held his breath, his lungs gasping for air he wouldn’t allow in. He started to feel weary. He took a quick breath but inhaled water. The force of the water was too strong and it started to pull him, drag him farther into its yearningly strong current. And as quickly as he started to drown, pain shot at him in the head as he slammed into an angular rock, and he was out cold. 

When he opened my eyes he felt the warmth of a jacket, sitting on the very same swing he was resting on just moments ago. Twinkling watch-full eyes stared into his, the same color and shape as his own. A face that looked exactly like how he would imagine his birth mother to look, except she wasn’t smiling. 

“I’m sorry,” she cooed, stroking his dark black curls. He felt her gentle hand brush into his hair and he leaned into it. 

His feet were too small and short to touch the ground, leading him to believe he was about 5 years old in this dream-like state he was experiencing but everything played out like a memory. And he remembered none of it. 

She started to stand up, her hands clutching her bag tightly, and then she fast-walked towards her car. 

He called out to her asking where she was going, but she didn’t reply, and instead pulled out of the parking lot. The word abandoned flashed through his mind as he blinked, a scene all too similar to what just happened with his Ex. 

Why was none of this a part of his collective memory?

“Where is your mom?”

The park started to pack in with other kids throughout the rest of the day. Concerned mom’s asking the same question he didn’t have an answer to himself. One mom stood by him for the rest of the day. Waiting with him for his mom to come back, to take him home with her. Of course, that didn’t happen and he was left abandoned again as soon as child services answered the phone. 

Memories of foster care: switching from home to home, never finding a family willing to take him in for more than a week, flashed through his mind. The fear/confusion terrorized him throughout the day, as everyone kept him oblivious to what was going on.

He would sneak out and visit the once crowded park every day in the evenings in case his mother ever came back for him. That became harder once it was discovered that the park was broken and unfinished. The gates to the park were closed and the whole area became a dangerous space of broken equipment that no one wished to visit anymore. The park may have been abandoned but he wasn’t going to abandon it. 

It was like his mind had blocked out all the hurtful memories he used to keep of the day his birth mother left him; as if to protect him from the truth that he had been abandoned repeatedly. That explained the anxiety he constantly felt, the fear that consumed him whenever he let anyone get too close. He was constantly afraid of people leaving and now he knew why. His mind must have known he wouldn't be able to take it, yet the roots of his problem throughout the years stayed engraved within his mind, stealing all the nutrients from his brain, preventing him from living a happy life. That was why this abandoned park felt like home because both the park and the man shared similar experiences and history. 

But he wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. In his mind, he apologized to the park for deciding to leave so suddenly, for abandoning the area as everyone else once did.

Abruptly, chest compressions startled him awake. Cold. It was the cold that alarmed him as he awoke in shock, his soaking clothes clinging to his body like paste. 

"Are you okay?"

The voice sounded like a mix of voices, his mom's, and then the mom who had handed him over to the foster care system, and then his Ex. His head was spinning. The face that stared back at him was blurred by the tears that overflowed his eyes. 

Why was he back here? 

Was this some sort of horrible joke? 

The one time he wished to be left abandoned, he was not. He wondered if the deserted park ever wished to be knocked down, only to be left standing in its despaired state. 

"Are you okay?" the all too familiar voice sounded again. 

"no." 

His answer may have come out small, shaky, and weak but in his twisted shattered mind it was projected from a speaker put on replay, reminding him that he was broken beyond repair and that was why he would constantly be abandoned when it mattered the most to him. 

Nothing could have possibly been more terrifying than that truth.

[pocminiseries]

Girl With The Tattoos|3

Broken.

♦️

Na'imah was only seven when she went to live with her mothers estrange sister, Hazel, after her parent's untimely death.

In the beginning, everything was fine. Hazel had taken Na'imah in, including her as a part of her family which consisted of her two daughters, Aubrey and Eva, and her police chief husband Nico.

During her grieving period, they all were there for her, comforting her, showing her the love that she had once felt when her parents were alive. Her cousins who she felt like were more like her older sisters always found a way to cheer her up, doing everything together. Something that Na'imah was looking forward to being herself until the day of the accident.

Not only did she lose her parents but also her little sister who was only three months away from being born.

And although Her Aunt Hazel and Uncle Nico weren't her mother and father, they temporarily filled the void inside her heart for a while.

It wasn't until she turned ten that things begin to change though.

The love that she once had felt around her new family started to fade. Na'imah being as intelligent as she is picked up on it immediately. Her cousins had become distant and rude, her aunt was less caring, leaving Na'imah to literally take care of herself. It was almost as if she had become invisible in a place she called home.

But it was her uncle who was by far the worst.

When Na'imah first moved in, she never questioned the loving hugs and kisses she would receive from her uncle because of how he presented himself. However, she did notice the older she got, he started to look at her differently. Especially after she hit puberty and her appearance and body begin to change. His touches would linger as well as his lips that seemed to move a little closer to her mouth than her cheek each time.

Na'imah's eleventh birthday was the day her life turned into the nightmare she had dealt with for over seven years.

She still remembered the day so vividly. How happy she was to be turning eleven. Her aunt who hadn't been the best had seemed to make a turnaround, promising her a day filled with shopping for new clothes and shoes, as well taking her out for manis and pedis and to end her day with going to her favorite restaurant to eat.

But it was all a lie.

Since she had gone to sleep late the night before, she had woken up pretty late, missing out on the birthday breakfast her aunt had promised her. Disappointed, she had gotten out of bed, only to realize that her aunt and cousins had left without her, leaving her alone with her uncle and men she remembered seeing a few times.

At first, Na'imah didn't think too much about it, still seeing no reason to fear them.

Of course, that quickly changed.

On a day that was supposed to be filled with laughter and happy memories were replaced with screams of fear and heartbreak.

She still recalled what her uncle had said when they corned her in his man cave that was located in the basement. How they were only allowed to touch her wherever they pleased but "Her virginity belonged to him."

He allowed them to do things to her that no one should ever do to someone so young. Forcing her to touch them in a manner that made her want to throw up.

And once they were finished, she was warned to keep her pretty little mouth closed because "who would believe her" he said.

Na'imah felt utterly disgusting, even after she cleaned herself. She wanted so badly to tell her aunt once she came home but quickly realized that she was set up with a simple look she received from the woman she thought loved her.

When she was thirteen, her uncle words had come true as he stole something so precious that she could never get back.

All while her aunt knew, as well as her daughters.

Every day she woke up in that house, she wished that she was dead. The pain she experienced always threatened to break her down but she never allowed it to, she couldn't.

When Na'imah left, she made sure to leave no trace behind, making sure they wouldn't know where she was going which was hard to do since her uncle had eyes everywhere.

Still, she managed to escape, breaking free from the consistent torment that her "family" gave her.

Sadly, her past still haunts her on a daily but it was always worse whenever she closed her eyes to sleep. No matter how hard she tried, she could never escape it.

Because of what happened, she never had a regular relationship with people. Trust being something she felt no one really deserved, always keeping the wall made of steel up around everyone she met....until JB.

She rarely let anyone get close to her and here she was allowing someone she could never have, slowly tear down something she had strongly built up for her protection. A man she felt like was too pure to deal with her fucked up thing called life.

She had convinced herself that she was too broken to be fixed but she quickly realized that JB was someone who never gives up.

"Na'imah!"

Jumping at the sudden sharp voice, Na'imah snapped back into reality, eyeing the man who stood smiling in front of her. "Yes?" Jinsung was always the quiet and reserved type, so this was the first time she had ever heard him raise his voice since she first met him. He was a sweet but stern older gentleman who happens to own the 7/11 she works at.

"I would ask what's on your mind but I doubt you would tell me," He said with a raised eyebrow, tucking the magazine he had under his arm. "There's someone waiting outside for you." He added, shifting his gaze towards the entrance which she followed.

Na'imah did a double take before leaning a bit over the counter to see if her eyes were playing tricks on her. "H-how do you know it's for me?"

"He asked," Jinsung stated simply, making his way around to the back of the counter to stand next to her. "I can handle things from here. Go and enjoy the rest of your day with your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend." She quickly rushed out.

Jinsung made a face, chuckling lowly. "I'm not sure other girls would deny an idol being called their boyfriend."

At hearing this, Na'imah stared at him with wide eyes. It wasn't as if one could tell who JB was, especially with his face being covered by had a hat and a mask. Maybe he looked a bit suspicious standing by a van, looking into the store but nothing screamed idol.

"H-he's no-"

"Sure he isn't," Jinsung said dismissively, cutting her denial short. "I'm thirty-six Na'imah, I know an idol when I see one."

With the slight roll of his eyes, he undid her apron an slightly pushed her to the side. "He's been standing there for a while, don't want to keep him waiting too long. Go."

Side-eyeing Jinsung, Na'imah grabbed her things and made her way towards the exit, her heart beating rapidly inside her chest with every step. She had hung out with JB a few times since that night in the studio, so she didn't understand why she still was so nervous around him.

Maybe it was because those times they have been together, it was usually late and no one was around. Now it was early in the morning when everyone was out and about, starting their day.

"And don't worry about coming in tonight, take the night off," Jinsung added just as Na'imah reached for the door handle.

Shooting him a look, she pushed the door open, taking a few steps to stand in front of JB in his all-black attire, his familiar scent hitting her senses. "What are you doing here?" She asked softly, still surprised that he was here in front of her.

She hadn't been able to see him for two weeks because of his scheduling, so for him to pop up so unexpectedly made her both happy and nervous.

Since his hat was so low, she couldn't see that he had been drinking in her appearance the moment she walked out. The way those white jeans hugged her thighs and hips, took his mind to a place it's traveled to often because of her. Sometimes he wondered if she knew how beautiful she was, both inside and out.

"JB?"

Lifting his gaze higher until his eyes landed on her smirking face, he reached for hands, pulling her in for a hug, ignoring the curious looks of people passing by. Her warmth engulfed him as he squeezed her, placing his lips against her neck much to her dismay. He was aware of how it affected her when he did it, earning that soft moan she always let out when he teased her.

"I missed you." He softly told her, allowing his lips to brush across her ear. What he really wanted to do was kiss her but he couldn't risk his face being exposed which he understood but still nonetheless hated.

"I missed you too." She said sincerely, still not believing that he was actually here.

"Come with me." He invited, pulling the door to the van back so she could get in. Seeing no point in asking questions, she slid in with him following behind her, closing the door behind him. "You don't have anything planned today do you?"

She gave him a knowing look. "You know I don't have much of a life outside of work."

If she wasn't working, then she was home, snuggled up on her couch, watching tv or movies. Occasionally she'd wander around the city to get more familiar with it but other than that, Na'imah was pretty much the definition of a homebody.

"You weren't joking when you said you didn't have many friends were you?"

Shaking her head, she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Not really. I still keep in contact with a few good people I've met during my military service but I'm not all that close to anyone like that. Never have been." She knew that it wasn't good to be as isolated as she was but she couldn't help it. Her past made her that way.

JB hummed lowly. "I think that's starting to change." He acknowledged, shedding light on how close they both have gotten since they exchanged numbers. Though she was still holding back things, JB still knew quite a bit about her. He found that she was easier to read than he thought, having the habit of wearing her emotions on her face for the world to see.

More than anything he wanted to know who or what hurt her for her to be so hesitant and distant. She had revealed that she has never been in a real relationship before but has dated around a few times. That made him curious as to why nothing serious ever came from them but didn't surprise him after he's gotten a feel of who she was.

"Maybe." She smiled at him softly, playing with the rings on his fingers. "Where are we going?"

"My place." He said, sitting back against his seat as the driver moved into traffic. "If you don't mind of course." He added once he took in her facial experience.

Clearing her throat, she shook her head. "No, it's fine. I wasn't doing anything today anyway." She had been alone with him before, so this shouldn't be any different.

"You sure?" He questioned, placing his hand on her thigh, feeling her shiver from his touch. It was interesting to him how she reacted whenever he touched her. He remembered a few weeks back the fear in her eyes when things got intensely heated between them, that made him quickly pull back. She reassured him that it wasn't him and that she simply wasn't ready which he understood but her reaction scared him and also arose many questions.

She enjoyed his touch, that much he knew but she had boundaries which he respected but he knew something terrible happened to her.

"Yes, as long as food is involved." She half-joked, hungry after her eight-hour shift. She'd eat a few snacks throughout her shift but what she wanted more than anything was real food.

JB laughed, linking their fingers together. "Already two steps ahead of you." He made a mental note to thank Jinyoung once again for suggesting a restaurant he's never heard of for food they both felt like she would enjoy.

It was the small things he did that made her feelings for him grow every day. Always leaving her gifts of her favorite things from food to flowers. She appreciated how he paid attention to everything she's revealed about herself, even the little detail about her favorite Digimon character, Patamon, in which he gave her a plush toy of, along with other characters.

"What?" He spoke up. Tilting his head to the side as he eyed Na'imah staring him at him with this soft look on her face.

"I...thank you." She muttered, not knowing what else to say after being caught.

"For what?"

Laying her head against his shoulder, she sighed deeply, enjoying his presence. "For being you."

A comfortable silence fell between them after that, with JB smiling and Na'imah drifting in and out of sleep until the car came to a stop. Refusing to let her walk in her sleepy state, he carried her to the front door of his dorm. Knowing that Jinyoung and Yugyeom were home, he chose to knock, hoping at least one of the members were awake to answer.

A few seconds later, a tired looking Yugyeom opened the door, rubbing his eyes. "Hyung, you have a key, wh-"

Realizing that JB wasn't alone, Yugyeom's sentence cut short after noticing the sleeping woman in his arms. "Yeojachingu?" He mouthed, not wanting to wake her as he stood to the side to let them in.

JB rolled his eyes, not bothering to answer the youngest members question. If he was being honest, he didn't know what they were and he wasn't going to put a title on it until he knows if her feelings are mutual.

He debated if he should wake her but thought against it since he didn't want to disturb her. Walking towards his room with Yugyeom close behind him, he placed her on his bed, removing her jacket as Yugyeom removed her boots. Once she was laid comfortably underneath his covers, JB had to practically drag Yugyeom out of his room, cracking the door behind him.

"She's pretty." Yugyeom grinned, ignoring the dark look JB was sending his way. "I always wondered where that sweet scent on your clothes comes from when you come home from the studio. Now I see where who it belongs to." The maknae stated, loving how irritated his hyung was looking at the moment.

"I would suggest you leave him alone unless you want to revisit the same headlock from a few nights ago," Jinyoung spoke up, stepping from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand.

Yugyeom pouted, sneaking a glance at JB who busied himself with the food on their kitchen table. "I'll have to order something else once she wakes up." He told them. "Let's eat."

He chewed on a piece of sausage while his members joined him, eating the Americanized breakfast that he gotten specifically for Na'imah, figured she would love to eat food from the US. He knew first hand what it was like to miss certain food when away from home.

"So, will we get to meet her once she gets up?" Jinyoung asked, slapping Yugyeom's hand from taking all of the bacon.

"If she doesn't mind." He was more than ready to introduce her to the people he loved. He knew that around them, he wouldn't have to hide the woman he wanted to call his own. And in time, hopefully, he could show off to the world one day.

Maybe he was thinking too far ahead but he didn't care. He was finding it hard to keep his feelings in check, even constantly telling himself that they were simply just friends, though he wanted to be more. This was more than just a simple crush.

"Have you at least spoken to JYP before you take things further?"

JB shook his head. He knew that he was allowed to date, however, he was afraid of the feedback he'd receive when he told management about her ethnicity. He didn't want to lose someone he considers to be so special to him.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung shared a look before staring at JB. "Your secret is safe with us."

"And we'll have your back no matter what." Yugyeom nodded.

A small smile pulled at JB's lips at their comforting words but he knew that soon, especially if something more blooms between him and Na'imah, that he will have to let his company know the truth.

And if things don't go as he hopes, he will refuse to let her go no matter of their wishes.

[lilacmoon83]

Clarity

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 12: Blood Ties

Snow cuddled against him in the hospital bed, resting her head in the nape of his neck and he gently rested his free hand on the small of her back, while the other arm was hooked up to the IV drip.

"Do you think they'll yell at me for being in bed with you?" she asked softly.

"If they do...I'll yell back, because you're exactly where I want you," he replied, as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

"I can't lose you again…" she said, choking back a sob.

"You won't," he assured.

"But I did...I lost you and our daughter for twenty-eight years. The only reason I survived that was that I didn't have my memories," she sniffed.

"I know...but if you think about it, there's no magic here. We defeated her when she did have magic at first and I think we can do it again without magic," David replied.

"She runs this whole town...she got me fired with one phone call," she reminded him.

"True...but she's not the only with power," he said. She cocked her head to the side.

"You really think Rumpelstiltskin will help us? You were the one that got upset with me when I went to him when you were living down by the Toll bridge," she countered.

"I was...but things are a bit different now. We share a grandson and he's trying to be on his best behavior since Neal doesn't approve of any of his usual antics. That makes Regina his enemy as much as ours and I kind of understand him now," David admitted.

"You?" she asked skeptically.

"I scanned the book a while back and he was a poor farmer before he was the Dark One. I realized that we're not as different as I thought," he replied.

"I don't approve of all his methods or any of the ruthless things he's done...but I get why he did them now. He did them to find his son. And I think that you and I both know that I would do anything and go through anyone, for that matter, to find you and Emma," he whispered. She sniffed and kissed him passionately. Both were unaware of the eyes on them.

~*~

Emma watched them curiously from the doorway, near the nurses desk, while she waited. Her gaze was full of scrutiny and skepticism and maybe a tiny glimmer of hope that she would deny vehemently if it were to be pointed out. She almost rolled her eyes when Mary Margaret climbed into the bed with him, but then watching them together became fascinating. It was impossible...and pure insanity to think that they could be her parents. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, the nurse arrived and attention was drawn to her.

"Emma…" Mary Margaret said, as she sat up.

"Uh...yeah, I'm here to donate blood. Turns out that I'm the same type as David," Emma replied and she did not miss the smile that brought to the pixie haired woman's face.

"Oh," she said simply.

"Emma...that's very generous of you. Thank you," David said.

"Yes...thank you," Mary Margaret agreed.

"Don't read into it. Having the same blood type doesn't mean what you think it means," Emma said flatly.

"Understood," David said, as Mary Margaret reluctantly got out of the bed and watched the nurse hook up an IV between Emma and David. The blonde had pulled up the recliner in the room and was now seated in it. Once they were hooked up, the nurse left and there was silence between them. Fortunately, that silence was broken by the one person that had brought them all together.

"Gramps!" Henry called, as he ran into the room and Neal could instantly tell that Emma wanted to correct their son, but didn't.

"Hey kid," David said, as he ruffled the boy's hair.

"Are you okay?" Henry asked in concern.

"Yeah...I'm fine," he promised.

"You had a hole in your side and now stitches," Mary Margaret reminded him.

"And it's just another scar to go with my collection," he said. She was about to fuss over him more, but Henry looked up at her and she hugged him.

"I miss you at school...my mom shouldn't have done that," he said.

"I miss you too, sweetie," Mary Margaret replied.

"But Grandpa Gold is going to help my dad get custody of me!" he announced. That surprised David and Mary Margaret.

"You're suing Regina for custody?" Mary Margaret asked. He nodded.

"It's what he wants...and apparently, my father is a lawyer," Neal replied.

"And…Emma is filing with us," he added.

"Yes, it looks better to the courts when the birth parents file together, even if they are not together," Gold confirmed.

"You think you have a chance in our courts?" David asked.

"Your skepticism for our corrupt district attorney is warranted. But I doubt Regina will like it if I appeal to an outside court and shine the light on her and this town," Gold replied.

"Then you think you have a good chance?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Very much so…" he confirmed.

"Then Dad says I can see you both whenever I want," Henry said. They smiled.

"We'd like that, Henry," she confirmed.

"I still think we're getting ahead of ourselves. Regina is going to lose her shit when she gets those papers," Emma said.

"Which should be about now," Gold replied.

~*~

Sidney winced, as his office door flew open and crashed against the wall.

"What the hell is this!?" Regina questioned, as she stormed into his office.

"Madam Mayor…" he started to say.

"I told you to spin the bar story in a negative light...not write a fluff piece on the heroics of David Nolan!" Regina cried.

"I don't know how that article ended up in my paper!" he insisted.

"Well, apparently August W. Booth found a way into your office and tampered with your paper! How could you be so careless? How could you not notice!?" she demanded to know.

"He must have come in when I went to get coffee last night. I had the paper done then and when I got back, I published it. I had already checked everything before then and nothing was amiss," Sidney explained. Regina scoffed.

"Did you read his story?" she asked.

"Um...no, I haven't had the chance," Sidney replied, as he skimmed the article.

"Oh my...he's claiming the marriage certificate between Kathryn and David is a forgery, designed by you to keep him away from Mary Margaret. Those are some scandalous accusations," Sidney said.

"You think!?" she screeched.

"Now some of the town's opinion against them is shifting! He's a hero and she's his darling girlfriend now that is no longer a home-wrecking tramp!" Regina hollered.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

"Write a retraction to the story! Insist that the marriage between David and Kathryn was real!" she yelled.

"I could suggest that it's even a conspiracy to clear their names. That Mary Margaret put August up to writing the article in her favor!" Sidney suggested. Regina smirked.

"Excellent...make sure you really drive home what a lying little tramp she is," she said deviously, as a young man appeared in the doorway.

"Madam Mayor?" he asked nervously.

"What is it?" she snapped.

"Um...you've been served," he replied, as he scurried off. Her brow furrowed, as she tore open the envelope and extracted the papers. Her nostrils flared and she clutched the papers tightly.

"What is it?" Sidney asked.

"Custody of my son is being challenged by his biological parents…" she growled, as she stormed out.

"I'm going to kill them all…" she hissed, as she got into her car and the tires squealed, before she headed for the hospital.

~*~

Tamara parked her car on Main Street near the Inn and got out, as she looked around.

"This is it?" she muttered, feeling underwhelmed at what looked like a small town that had gotten left behind in time. She took out her phone and dialed a number.

"I'm here...it's all here, just like they said," she said.

"Good...find your boyfriend and make good with him and his family. Wait for further instructions," the voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Will do," Tamara said, as she dialed another number.

"Hey…" Neal answered.

"Hi sweetie...you'll never guess where I am," she said.

"Our favorite bar, having a drink without me?" he guessed.

"No…I'm here. In Storybrooke," Tamara said. There was silence on the other end.

"Neal?" she asked.

"Uh...how did you find it?" he questioned.

"Well, it wasn't easy. Do you know this place isn't even on a map?" she asked.

"Yeah…" he answered, sounding a bit nervous.

"Anyway...you weren't kidding when you said it was in the middle of nowhere. I just kept driving for a while through the woods and there it was all the sudden," she lied.

"Uh...that's great," Neal said.

"So where are you?" she asked.

"I'm at the hospital," he replied.

"Are you okay?" she asked in concern.

"Yeah...I'm fine, just visiting a friend. I have a room at the Inn. Maybe wait at the diner for me and I'll be there soon," Neal replied. She smirked and hung up the phone, before casually walking toward the diner.

~*~

Neal hung up the phone and stared at it for a few moments, wondering what he was going to do. He had told Tamara that he was going to a place called Storybrooke, Maine and that it was where his son, the one he had only just discovered lived. He didn't give her any directions or vicinity at all and somehow, she had found it when no one else, save for Emma, seemed to be able to do so. His fiance was resourceful for sure, but he was racking his brain as to how this was possible.

He hadn't told anyway, especially Henry, that he was engaged and he wasn't sure how his son was going to take it. Add to that, he wasn't sure how he was going to explain all this to Tamara. There was no way she was going to believe that this town was full of people from fairy tales. He sighed and stepped back into the room.

"Everything okay?" Emma asked.

"Uh yeah...just checking on a few things in New York," he fibbed.

"A job? You never did tell us much about your life in New York," she mentioned. He sighed and knew he had to come clean with her...with them all and tell them about Tamara. An outsider in Storybrooke was bound to increase the already palpable tension between them.

"Listen...there is something I need to tell you," he said, as they heard the hospital door open with a swing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Regina cried, as she stormed in, clutching the papers she had been served with.

"Oh good...I see that you have been served," Gold said nonchalantly.

"If you think that you're going to get away with this...you have another thing coming," Regina replied.

"I believe that is for the court to decide," Gold stated calmly.

"I warn you, Mr. Cassidy...I'm not someone that you want to cross," she threatened.

"Yeah…I've seen your handiwork, but you wouldn't be anywhere without my father's manipulation. I'll take my chances and I wouldn't do something like this unless it was something my son wanted," Neal replied.

"Henry…" she feigned a wounded expression.

"You said that I couldn't see my dad or my real mom! Or David and Mary Margaret and you got Mary Margaret fired!" Henry accused.

"No Henry...Mary Margaret got fired, because she's a terrible person and unfit to be around children," Regina said snidely.

"Get the hell out," David growled.

"I would be careful with the heroics, Mr. Nolan...one of these days, you might not recover from them," she said.

"Don't you dare threaten him!" Mary Margaret exclaimed.

"I've destroyed your reputation, Miss Blanchard and I'm just getting started, believe me," Regina promised.

"Let's go Henry...you're grounded for sneaking out," she said.

"But I don't want to go with you!" Henry cried.

"That's not your choice. I am your mother and your legal guardian," she reminded them.

"She's right, kid...go on and I'll see you later," Neal said, as he knelt in front of him.

"But I want to stay with you," he said sadly.

"I know...I want that too and we'll make it happen. Unfortunately, it's going to take time," he replied, as he hugged him. Henry sadly hugged him and the others in the room, before reluctantly leaving with Regina.

"Well...that was about as bad as I thought it might be," Emma commented.

"Yeah...there's something else that you need to know," Neal said, as he prepared to tell them about Tamara, but he wouldn't have to.

"There you are…" she said from the doorway, catching him off guard again. His mouth hung open and he cursed inwardly. He had a feeling this wasn't going to go well either...

[ephemeral-afterlight]

Day 29: Numb

(Don’t lose yourself.)

Whumptober 2019 Day 29: Numb

Word Count: 4980

Relationships: DLAMP (romantic), Creativitwins (NOT remrom), Intrulogical (platonic)

Warnings: Rape aftermath/memories of noncon/talk of phantom sensations/memories from the event, panic attacks/hyperventilation/crying/emotional breakdowns, remus-typical vulgar/disturbing language (mild), mention of animal mating habits, vomiting (non-graphic/not described in detail), self-deprecation, cursing

A/N: Y'ALL I'm YELLING?? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE SHORT AND IT TURNED INTO 5K AAAAAAAA;;;;;;;;; OKAY so someone mentioned wanting to know what happened after logan woke up after the events of day 21: laced drink. and. this happened!! i hope y'all enjoy this not-as-little-as-i-expected sequel in 5+1 style! it's fluffier than i thought it'd be :3c

1

It’s a lot to come to terms with when Logan wakes up.

He’s never been one for sentiment, never really has had romanticized dreams or wants relating to that type of thing. Sex and romance have never been a very prominent part of his personality, never been something he thinks about very often. Between his studies and college, he has much more important things to worry about than who copulates with whom. 

But for some reason, when he finally opens his eyes and rises from his slumber, Logan bursts into tears.

He doesn’t know why. He can barely remember what happened last night, can barely remember anything outside of a vague sense of pain. There are shadows on his skin, phantom whispers of fingers pulling his thighs apart, and it feels so real that Logan gags in fear. It doesn’t help that he’s also nauseous from the drug and the alcohol he consumed last night, so his shooting up from the covers and running into the en suite bathroom to empty the meager contents of his stomach into the toilet isn’t really much of a surprise.

Logan wants to stop crying. He doesn’t want to be breaking down like this, tears dripping hot from his face onto his comforter. He just wants to go back to sleep and wake up and have everything be fine, but of course he can’t even have that. This is all pathetic anyway, because there’s no reason for him to be so upset. He doesn’t really care about sex or relationships, has never dreamt of romance, so… so why is he crying quietly into his blanket as if he’s mourning the loss of something important?

His “first time” shouldn’t mean anything to him. It doesn’t matter that it was with a stranger, because he doesn’t care about sex, and he doesn’t have anyone to share his first time with anyway. There’s no logical reason to be crying, no rationale that would make this acceptable in any way. He’s here curled up in the fetal position, pathetically shedding tears into his pillow, and he’s in this much pain over a night he doesn’t even really remember. What an idiot.

“Hey, Pocket Protector, you up? I tho--” Roman’s voice comes from the door, bursts through Logan’s bubble of misery with the typical full tone echoing in his bedroom. He cuts himself off when he sees Logan shaking, clutching his pillow so tightly his knuckles are white. Little sobs spill out from behind the dark blue fabric, trickle out into the air like music notes and melodies carried by the wind, and Roman’s heart drops into his stomach. “Oh, shit.”

Roman immediately rushes over to launch himself onto the bed, placing himself strategically so that he ends up sliding into place right beside Logan’s head. Said Logan peeks up at Roman with a mixture of sadness, regret, and fear shining in his wet eyes, and the way he shrinks into himself breaks Roman’s heart. He lifts his hand up to run his hand through Logan’s hair, frowns even more when Logan nuzzles into the affectionate gesture desperately. “Logan, amorcito, what’s wrong?”

The term of endearment is more comforting to Logan that he expects, and given Roman’s low speech and gentle handling, it’s no wonder Logan feels a warmth blossoming in his chest. He doesn’t know what it means, doesn’t know how to pinpoint it, but he does know that when he looks at Roman, he sees a light from within. It shines so brightly, like rays of sunlight spilling over his face, and Logan finds himself craving more of it.

“I feel-- think there’s something wrong with me,” Logan whispers, shame building uncertainly in his throat, and Roman’s brows pull together. His concern is like a balm, eases the burn of the man’s fingers on Logan’s skin, and it’s almost addictive. His boisterous roommate doesn’t hesitate to pull Logan into his arms, doesn’t notice the way he flinches at the touch. He isn’t scared of Roman, of course he isn’t, but he’s of remarkably similar stature to his assailant.

“You are perfect just the way you are, dearheart. I… I love you. A lot. And I’m not saying that you have to return it, or that you even have to say anything, I just… you are loved. I care about you so much, and I vow to do my best to protect you from the dangers of the world,” Roman rambles, a dramatic speech to punctuate Logan’s sniffles. He doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to get up out of his bed. But reaching up to give Roman a soft, appreciative kiss on the cheek is easier than he’d ever expect.

-

2

Honestly, Logan should’ve expected it’d come eventually. Despite his breakdown the first day, the day after it happened, he hasn’t actually had another. Closing his heart in an icy cage feels like second nature, as if he’s flipped a switch to turn off his feelings so that he doesn’t have to confront them. He knows it’s unhealthy. He knows it’s not a proper coping mechanism, that it’ll only cause him problems. But he can’t do it, can’t face the pain and the residual fear and the debilitating anxiety whenever someone touches him without warning.

It wasn’t Patton’s fault that it changed so quickly, of course not, because he didn’t know. He couldn’t have known, because Logan still refuses to tell them what happened that night. Ethan, ever the gentleman, courteously left that part of the story out, said that what happened wasn’t his place to tell. Logan can’t even begin to describe how much he appreciates that, because he’s still coming to terms with the events of the night. He doesn’t need other people fretting over him before he’s ready for them to know, especially when he himself doesn’t really understand the turmoil in his mind either.

But that same silence has caused a lack of proper communication between the five of them, a gap in the knowledge of what to do and what not to do. Logan can’t exactly ask them to not touch him without letting him know first, without asking beforehand, because it’ll just bring up questions. Things asked that are too personal, queries he won’t know how to answer, information he doesn’t truly understand himself. So he just has to wait, and process, and hope that one day, he’ll stop feeling tears prick at his eyes when he hears yelling, that he’ll stay calm when someone brushes against his side by accident.

Of course it’s a hug that ruins his plans.

Patton means well, Logan knows that. He knows that it is meant to be a gesture of solidarity, the type of tactile affection his roommate gives so freely. It’s supposed to help, supposed to make him happy, supposed to be like a remedy to his unexplainably downtrodden mood that’s been going on nonstop for the past week. But as soon as Patton comes up from behind, loops his arms around Logan’s waist as he’s trying to make himself a sandwich, it’s all wrong. It feels too constricting, too much like a cage, a prison cell. Patton’s hands squeeze tightly around his midriff, hold and pressurize and pin him down, and they’re going to go lower and lower and slip between his legs and--

Logan doesn’t even get to apologize for shoving Patton into the refrigerator before tears are dripping down his cheeks and panicked hyperventilation cuts through the silence of the apartment’s kitchen.

And Patton looks much less hurt than he does confused, and worried, and almost as panicked as Logan is, and he calls for someone to help when trying to talk to him through his sobs doesn’t work. Remus is gone, and Virgil just stands at the doorway and twists his hoodie strings in his fingers nervously, but Roman is there, strong and ready to help. With both his and Patton’s help, soft hushed voices in the morning air to soothe and lull his sorrow away, Logan’s fear tapers off.

He feels bad. He tells them so, apologizes over and over to Patton for hurting him. He says he’s so sorry for pushing him off, for scaring him, and Patton just looks bewildered. “Lo-Lo, I was the one who scared you. There’s no need to apologize, that’s what I should be doing! It isn’t okay to sneak up on someone like that, it’s not your fault that you had an understandable reaction to it, honey. I’m sorry. I love you.”

And this time, just this time, Logan gets to initiate the hug, has much more control, and he feels like he can finally breathe again.

-

3

“Hey, Logan? You think walrus meat would be good in a stew?” Remus asks one day, spinning crazily in Logan’s desk chair as the owner of the chair himself quietly reads a book in his armchair. It’s a lazy day, dreary and gloomy as a storm rages outside, and Logan loves it. He adores having an excuse to hole up inside his room, to be with himself and his book and… well, Remus too, apparently.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t advise trying it, though. Regular beef is perfectly adequate and is much easier to obtain,” Logan replies monotonously, inflection lost when he’s too lost in his novel to care. Social interaction takes effort, too much to sound more normal to the ones he communicates with, and when he’s multitasking like this he can’t concentrate long enough to even bother to try. He doesn’t want to fake animation and liveliness, wants his care to be real. His friends deserve that.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. Hey, did’ja know that lions can fuck a hundred times a day? They have sex over and over and over and over and over and--” Remus says, but his nasally voice slowly bleeds away. It’s drowned out by the rushing of blood like white water rapids through Logan’s ears, lingering on facts that don’t even really have anything to do with him. It only happened once. It was weeks ago. He barely remembers it. But for some reason, even the mention send his thoughts into a frantic, dizzy spiral, and it’s all back. The pain, the fear, the touches that made him feel like nothing more than dirt on the ground.

Nausea coils in his stomach, and Logan throws up in his bedside trashcan because of his irrational fears a second time.

“Woah, shit, you okay? Did’ja eat somethin’ rotten? Somethin’ gross? Are you sick?” Remus asks, high and quick, and to his credit, he sounds more concerned that Logan expects even with his words. He hands Logan some toilet paper to wipe his mouth with even as he drones on about how long it takes for food to go bad, and although his method is unorthodox, Logan still is grateful that he’s trying. He flushes the toilet and stands on shaky knees, gratefully leans on Remus’ extended elbow until he’s able to sit on the edge of his bed. The silence between them extends for quite a while, a surprisingly long time for Remus to go without talking, but then he speaks up, much quieter than he was before.

“I do love y’a, y’know. Like another brother! You’re my friend, help me to not do too much stupid shit. You’re a party-pooper, but you’re probably the only one keepin’ me outta jail. So thanks!” And, well. Remus may be reckless, and vulgar, and completely irrational, but he’s a pretty good friend too.

-

4

What Logan wore to the bar that night was one of his favourite outfits.

“Was” being the operative word in the statement, because now, he can’t even stand to look at that pair of fishnets without tears blurring his vision and the air getting trapped in his chest. The cross-stitched pattern is a net, a vice made to capture him, and the giant gap where threads are frayed around the edges is a noose waiting to strangle him. Every time he looks at that pair of jeans it’s as if his heart has been waterboarded, drowning in regret and terror and hatred, and it’s suffocating.

So he got rid of it. Threw them out, never to be seen again. It’s not a permanent solution to his figuratively fractured heart, but it makes it just a little bit easier to breathe.

Virgil watched him that day, when he tossed the clothing into the garbage can outside their apartment, watched his contempted eyes scan the streets and alleys around him with a vigilance that’s all too familiar. He doesn’t know what’s going on with Logan, what caused him to have such a drastic shift in his personality, but he can make educated guesses. That day, he came back with a cut on his eyebrow and a raw, bleeding lip, so Virgil has the feeling that maybe he got attacked. It’s not unheard of for people far too drunk to safely interact with others to have short tempers, and if Logan exhibited his usual curt retorts, he may have pissed them off enough to beat him up.

Of course that’s only speculation, but something happened, and they all know it, but they just don’t know what. It’s driving Virgil crazy, and he knows it’s severely bugging Roman too. Even Patton is overcome with worry, but he managed to convince the two to let Logan come to them when he’s ready. Virgil knows that’s the right thing to do, that he’d want the same thing if it were him in Logan’s position, but it doesn’t mean he has to enjoy it.

And it’s times like now when Virgil wants desperately to break that rule, to interrogate Logan until the truth is finally out, but that’s awful and would only hurt Logan. He just doesn’t know what to do anymore, not with the way he comes downstairs in the middle of the night to retrieve a glass of water for his parched throat and instead finds Logan curled as small as possible in the corner. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and he’s managed to compact himself enough to fit between the end counter and a shelf. Tears come in rivers over his cheekbones, and his hands shake, and his breathing is choppy and shallow.

“Lo. Logan, listen to me, you need to breathe. You’re having a panic attack, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise. Just follow my breathing. count to five when you breathe in, hold it for five seconds, and then breathe out for five seconds. Nice and easy,” Virgil murmurs, quiet reassurances in the dead of night. Logan tries his best despite the mortification he feels at being caught, but then again, Virgil knows what panic attacks are like better than anyone. He wouldn’t judge him or laugh at him for this. He wouldn’t. Right? “There you go. You’re doing great. Just keep breathing.”

It takes a couple more minutes to come down from the anxious cloud Logan is suspended on, and once he does, he immediately is ashamed of himself. Virgil could have been sleeping this whole time (and he needs it) and yet he’s sitting here, helping Logan with his selfish dramatics. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make it up to him, so he just apologizes, sad and angry at himself. His upset causes Virgil to shake his head as he rubs comforting, soothing circles into the back of Logan’s hand with his thumb. “Don’t worry about it, dude. Panic attacks suck, I get it. I’d much rather you come to us for help instead of brave it alone, though.”

“Thank you,” Logan whispers hoarsely, eyes wide and wet and clear and Virgil just gives him a small smile. He raises his hand up slowly, asks him if it’s okay to touch, and it almost feels like his heart stutters in its pace. He’s touched, so incredibly touched, and he’s also almost endeared. Permission is granted easily, and Virgil tucks a lock of hair behind Logan’s ear, and then he pulls him into the lightest hug Logan’s ever experienced.

“No problem. I-- I… I love you, Logan. Sorry I haven’t said it before.”

The idea of hugs is seriously starting to grow on Logan.

-

5

Truth or dare really is a stupid game.

“Logan, truth or dare?” Roman asks, bouncing up and down from where he sits cross-legged on the floor. The six of them are all arranged in a circle, playing a game of Truth or Dare to commemorate Ethan’s first sleepover (coined at Patton’s insistence) in their apartment. They’ve all been steadily growing closer with him, going on outings or texting in a group chat far into the early hours of the morning. Although the circumstances in which they met aren’t ideal, Logan easily finds himself glad and thankful for his presence. He’s so similar to Logan in a lot of ways; although he does enjoy engaging in chaotic activities with Remus and belting out show-tunes with Roman, he also likes the quiet, to read and debate philosophy, which has left the two of them at a mutual understanding of one another more than once.

The other five have been drinking all evening, and are currently at various levels of intoxication. Logan opted out, which earned him an understanding look from Ethan, of whom completely skipped over him while handing out the initial first round of beers. Roman is by far the drunkest, although he isn’t completely inebriated. Remus has drunk the most, but he doesn’t really exhibit any obvious signs of intoxication, so it’s difficult to tell. Virgil has also drunk a lot, and as a result has taken the charge along with Roman on most of the dares. Patton surprisingly agreed to drink as well, and he’s been swaying on tipsy for a while now. Ethan hasn’t drunk much, but he’s definitely much more loose and carefree than before they started.

Virgil pops a handful of chips into his mouth and chases it down with some more beer as Remus takes a swig of whatever he has in his water bottle. Logan’s pretty sure it’s vinegar, but he doesn’t really feel the need to bring this fact up. Logan wants to just answer truth and get his turn over with so he can return to his novel, but they are here to have fun, and Logan would hate to ruin that.

“Dare, I suppose,” Logan sighs as he tilts his head, watches the other players’ eyes light up in various levels of conspicuousness. He’s chosen truth every single time his turn came around and answered the questions succinctly, leaving no room for confusion. He’s aware that his presence and participation are what one would consider boring, but he’s far more interested in the novel by his side than the game. He’s perfectly content to just watch their antics from the sidelines, exasperated but amused and fond, but they had insisted on him joining the game too.

“Hmm… we keep giving each other boring dares, let’s make this more fun! Logan, I dare you to… hmm… oh,” Roman vocalizes as he’s struck with an idea, sly eyes and a smirk sliding onto his face. The others lean in, intrigued, and Logan doesn’t really know what to expect. He’s never played Truth or Dare before now, hasn’t experienced a dare, so he isn’t exactly sure what a typical dare entails. “I dare you to kiss Ethan!”

Oh.

Logan doesn’t really know how to react to that. His brain is much more alert now than before, on guard despite there being no real danger around him. There’s no danger, it’s safe, it’s okay. The words of self-comfort are ones he’s uttered to himself night after night of being afraid of sleeping alone in the dark, where it’s all too easy for his vision to flash and put him right back in that man’s house, underneath his sweaty body, feeling his fingers pressing into--

“Logan? Sorry, was that too much? You don’t have to,” Roman says, confused even as he laughs and takes another drink from his plastic cup. Patton reaches over and slowly pries the cup away to replace it with a water bottle, and although Roman whines about it, he complies in the end. Virgil just continues to munch on the chips and watch them all, not even flinching when Remus drapes his arms and head over one of Virgil’s shoulders.

“A dare is a dare. I have to do it,” Logan says, clear and strong even though inside, he’s shaking. Although it is a reply to Roman, it’s also a reassurance for himself, a way to build up confidence so that he can actually do this. It’s not as if he doesn’t want to, because he does, it’s just that the thought of potentially losing control and getting hurt scares him. He feels almost guilty, because Ethan would never, ever hurt him or do something he’s uncomfortable with, but it doesn’t change the fact that the thought still nags at the back of his mind anyway.

“Nice! Go Logan!” Remus cheers, and Virgil and Roman laugh along. Patton just grins at all of them, happy and endeared as he breaks off a piece of a chocolate bar to let it melt sweet on his tongue. He hooks his arm around Roman’s neck and gives him a peck on the cheek, eyes bright and loving when Roman turns to catch his lips with his own anyway. Virgil just smiles and shakes his head even as Remus yells something about cooties right beside his ear.

“Logan, don’t, you-- you don’t know if you can handle this. You don’t have to,” Ethan stresses quietly amidst the energy, worried eyes boring into Logan’s own. And Logan knows. He knows that it still hurts, that he could freak out any second, that he could hear whispers in his ears any second. He doesn’t care. He can’t live his life constantly afraid of intimacy. He needs to take control, take it back, and be able to conquer the demons residing in the darkest corners of his head. So instead, he just sets down his book, places his hand on Ethan’s shoulder, and draws him closer.

Playful taunts and jeers come out of the others when the two stop inches away from one another, intense eye contact serving as the only thing keeping either of them from advancing. Logan breathes slowly and deeply, lets a small smirk play in his expression. Ethan’s breath catches in his throat when he manages to break the eye contact, lets his gaze flick down to Logan’s lips before licking his own, and then--

And then. They’re kissing. They’re actually kissing, and Logan isn’t even that afraid anymore! Sure, he isn’t completely off guard, but his own want surprises him when his hand slides from the base of Ethan’s neck to tangle his fingers in soft, lightly curled locks. Ethan responds just as eagerly, allows three fingers to rest on Logan’s jaw as a guide, and the feeling causes Logan to shiver from where he sits on his knees. It feels nice, warm, comforting. Despite the tiny bit of heat coiling low in Logan’s abdomen that he knows he won’t act on, it all feels somewhat tame, just an easy slide of lips against lips as the two figure each other out. Pulling away feels like it happens far too soon, but the others are teasing them with “getting a room” (apart from Remus, who lefts the room to go find more snacks), so it’s probably best to hold off, at least for now. Ethan releases out a shaky breath, and a bright smile makes its way onto his face, and Logan is instantly smitten. Is this…

“I love you,” Ethan breathes, sure and truthful and hopeful, and Logan can pinpoint the exact moment his brain figuratively catches up to his mouth and embarrassment spreads like roses across his cheeks. The others cheer happily, saying things like “Finally!” and “Took him long enough.” and it makes Logan wonder just how long Ethan has wanted this, how long they’ve known and he himself has been in the dark.

“I-- I love you guys, too. Fuck,” Ethan stutters out, curses his own unsure confession, and he’s stunned when looks of pure delight spread across the others’ faces. Roman looks absolutely overjoyed, and Patton is giddy with happiness, and Virgil is quiet even as a bright smile graces his typically downturned expression. Logan is aware of the acute feeling in his chest, the way the breath seems to get stuck in his lungs in a different way than that of when he’s afraid or in a panic. This feels warmer, more definite, and it only increases when Ethan smiles shyly as both Roman and Patton tackle him in a hug.

-

+1

It’s interesting how quickly movie nights have become a regular occurrence among their five-man household.

With the addition of Ethan into their home, into their FamILY (as Patton says), things have become a bit different in terms of everyday life. They still wake up every morning for breakfast, still deal with Virgil’s grumbling and Remus’ energy and Roman’s singing and Patton’s laughter and Logan’s exasperation. They still play board games every Friday, still help each other with homework, still curl up in whoever’s bed is closest to leech the warmth from one another. But now, they have Ethan there, to sweep into the kitchen and pour Virgil and Logan coffee, to stir the food in the pan that Patton inevitably will forget about, to make sure the twins don’t fight over serving portions. Now he absolutely demolishes all of them at Clue, assists with whatever schoolwork he can, brushes his teeth right alongside them as they prepare for bed.

It’s strange to consider these new developments, this new relationship, and Logan finds that he’s more entranced with the idea of it than he previously assumed. The quiet, trusting comfort they’ve found within one another is something that Logan doesn’t quite understand, and he doesn’t think he ever really will. It’s beyond words, beyond explanations, and that alone would normally completely turn Logan off to it. He operates best when he can rationalize things, describe and explain and make sense of things that happen in the world around him, but this… there’s something different. There’s something about him that frustrated him to his core and yet he can’t let go, refuses to give it up. He loves them too much for that.

And it’s that thought, that stray thought that floats into his head as the others lounge in various places around the living room that sends what feels like an electric shock coursing through his veins. He loves them. He’s in love with them, so deeply that it makes his heart ache. He loves how Virgil is perched on the arm of the couch, how Patton giggles at every joke in the movie, how Roman sings along with the soundtrack, how Ethan snuggles into Logan’s side as he rants about character flaws in the downtime between action scenes. He loves them all, loves them for who they are.

Logan also loves them for being so patient with him. He loves that when he feels like he can’t escape from the memories, Patton will take him aside to bake cupcakes and distract him from his mind rebelling against itself. He loves that when it becomes too hard to stay focused on the present, when his breathing becomes like painful bullets in his lungs, Virgil will count with him, hold his hands until he doesn’t feel so lightheaded anymore. He loves that when he just can’t stop shaking, needs to know that he’s safe, Roman will enclose him with a protective embrace and rock him until the trembling stops. He loves that when he can feel the phantom sensation of the man’s touch on his legs, when he can feel wispy fingers dipping between his thighs, Ethan will cocoon him in blankets and read a story to him to stave off the terror and the nightmares. And although Logan loves Remus in a different way than he does the others, he still loves how Remus is always happy to rant and ramble about anything and everything at once when Logan can only hear the man’s voice playing in a loop through his thoughts.

He loves them. His boyfriends, and one of his best friends, he feels like he’s bursting at the seams with how much love has welled up in his chest. He wants to let them know, wants to tell them. He wants them to understand how he feels, that he adores them unconditionally. So he does.

“I love you guys,” Logan says, soft and important when the volume is turned down on the television, and four heads whip around to stare at him in shock as the credits roll in the background. Logan feels a bit awkward under their scrutiny, doesn’t really know how to jump-start their movement and cognizance again, so he just gives a tiny, genuine smile. 

Apparently, that’s plenty enough to achieve the effect he wanted, but Logan doesn’t expect for three bodies to immediately hurl themselves at him in a massive group hug. Ethan simply turns and places his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, laughs silently as Patton starts crying and Roman goes off on a long, dramatic spiel declaring his love and Virgil just buries his face in Logan’s arm. And Logan flinches, of course he flinches, because the sudden touch startles him. But he’s not scared. He doesn’t feel afraid, doesn’t feel unsafe, and a gentle, shining warmth glows within him. And he gets it now. He understands what that warmth is. It’s pure, unadulterated love, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Occupational Hazards

Barry Berkman x Reader

Three part series: It was just another job, he doesn't even had to kill anyone, but the way she looked at him was more dangerous than the bullets.

Part I Part II Part III

Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Violence, cursing, blood, mention of abortion, stalkers.

Part III

"Someone got lucky" Natalie said when Barry entered his apartment, she was helping Nick with his lines for an audition and since the first pictures of his relationship with Y/N had emerged she always find an excuse to be near him and ask a million annoying questions "Although is kind of tacky to come to home with the same clothes from yesterday"

"No comment" That usually make her keep her distance but since he took forever to pour himself a coffee she followed him to the kitchen.

"So we were watching the nominations this morning, anything interesting to talk about it?" Somehow even when his job consisted in sell the lie he didn't felt comfortable talking about Y/N with his friends, and specially not that morning. He gave her a deadly glare and just walk inside his room.

Barry left the untouched coffee on his desk and collapsed on his bed, he wasn't tired, and the ideas revolving in his mind would keep him up for long enough.

They have watch several romantic comedies with wine and popcorn and then when they were discussing how impractical and unrealistic they were she apologized to him for the permanent damage that the article would cause in his attempts to get back to Sally, it wasn't strange since they have come to know about each other's past over the weeks, the strange part was that he was not actually concern about it. Sally had become a simple friend and he was sure even had to talk to him more often since Y/N came into his life, but he didn't had romantic feelings towards her anymore.

However the sudden realization that those feelings were gone because of the woman that was curled next to him, screaming at Cameron Diaz to run away from her idiot fiance; made him feel uneasy, he would have prefer to leave, but she was obviously anxious about the nominations the next morning so he agreed to take the couch, but she since she couldn't sleep they open another bottle of wine and start asking questions about each other.

He got to learn that the B&H menthol were her favorite cigarettes, but she was trying to quit and she actually only have one or two every couple weeks when she was to nervous, and he make himself a mental note to buy a package just in case. He told her about his favorite music, and a thing or two about her days in Afganistan, she told her how her mom was dying and her money was not to save her just to help her live her last days in least pain.

She asked about the most terrible thing he ever did and when he couldn't answer she went first.

"Do you want to know the real reason I broke up with Richard?" She said suddenly completely serious.

"You don't have to do that Y/N..."

"I want to, I feel like you have this weight on you and that you think of yourself as a monster, so do I. I may not be the trash human everyone think I am but that doesn't excuse what I have done. I have always hhave friends many friends men and women, and I even like some of them, that doesn't mean I sleep with them but for Richard every men I even talked to was someone I was fucking behind his back" She took one large drink of wine, it was clearly a painful memory "The thing I actually loved him, and I actually saw myself sharing my life with him, he was my agent back then and I could look over her rudeness most of the time... but then I got pregnant" She gave him a sad smile and he could see where the story was going so he remained silent even when he wanted to hold her. "He obviously didn't believe it could be his, and ask me to take care of it, or my life and my career and my mother treatment would be over so I did it. And don't get me wrong I know now that it was the right choice, believing I could have a family with that pig is ridiculous, but it wasn't my choice at the time and I don't know after that I just had to run away from him, I actually sleep with my costar, that's number 3 and use the scandal to break things with Richard, and now I'm here"

He hold her close to him and not thinking he started telling her about Korengal, about Moss and about Mayrbeck, she was comfortable to hold on to, she simply nodded and asked an occasional question about the time those things happened but she didn't judge him, and he eventually closed his own eyes and pretend for a moment that she was not paying him, that there was actually one human being who would love him not only despite his past, but also because of it. Someone who would feel safe enough with him, that she could sleep like that. He wanted to tell her that Sally was nice but she would never accept his truth, and she was like a getaway car, she had been the illusion to be Barry Block and leaving all behind, but her... Y/N came looking for Barry Berkman and she wasn't scared of him, but he also couldn't say it because he knew once things were over she would go back to his life and his little bubble will pop.

And that day was closer than ever, she was nominated as Outstanding supporting actress in a limited series or TV movie, and as she had said she had absolutely no chance to win because Maverick wouldn't let her, but the amount of opportunities that would come after if she get nominated would be enough to find a new agent, and walk away from that life, so she had been waiting to hear her name for months and now that it was finally there the look on her face was enough to turn down all of his precautions and he simply kiss her.

He take her by the neck in the middle of her excitement and simply put his lips onto hers and kiss her like she was the only thing he needed to survive, and he was only recovering his common sense when Y/N hold him tighter and kissed him back with the same intensity, he was happy beyond comprehension but reality find its way to his mind and eventually he let go. Y/N opened her mouth to say something but her phone start ringing with congratulations from her friends and that allowed them to have a minute to settle down.

"Don't worry about the suit, they are probably going to offer you one" She said to him finally after answering the phone the third time.

"Yeah sure, I am so happy for you. Congratulations" He was being honest, but he needed to acknowledge the kiss somehow "I'm so sorry I shouldn't..." for some reason apologizing for something he was not sorry for is what he did.

"Please don't apologize, it was nice, is being a long time since someone kissed me like that, say it was the heat of the moment, or that you simply felt like it, but don't be sorry about it because I'm not" The look she gave him, that's when he knew he was doomed, she wanted him, for how long? who could tell, but he was much of a coward to find out, so he make up an excuse and didn't even touch her when he said goodbye, and just walked away.

Fortunately the next weeks past in a blur, a couple days later their Variety interview was the subject of an angry call from Sally for not telling her, and endless banter and teasing from his classmates wich lead to shaming him into bet on her in Jermaine Emmy's pool.

He had tell the story of how they met more times than he could remember, and there was little to no time to be alone with her, other than the choreographed PDA they had agreed beforehand, and she even had to leave for two weeks to New York for another set of endless interviews, on wich she made sure to get his name out at least once, he watched them and pretend that he was the actual loving boyfriend waiting for her return even when his mind kept reminding him he was not.

He had told her everything and she didn't judge him, and his heart was holding the hope that maybe, just maybe in the end she could be a friend since he felt undeserving of something else, and by the time he was at her place waiting for her to go to the ceremony he had already promised himself he would be there for her no matter what.

The award ceremony was magic in itself, walking next to her on the red carpet and watching her like the star she was in the elegant black gown she had chosen was more than enough for him, but there were also a lot of famous people who surprisingly treated him as if he belonged, and in the middle of that crowd he could finally found a moment of intimacy with her on the way she nervously hold his hand whenever Richard looked their way and when he got upstaged to introduce the Award Y/N was nominated in, he was attractive and charismatic but the smug on the bastard face when he read her name on the nominations and then when he finally said the winner (Zoe Saldana or someone like that) were enough to make his blood boil and mentally mark a bullet with his name on it.

***

"I just lose 300 grand" He whispered in your ear and you could smell a hint of perfume, it was perfect.

"Well next time bet against me, and listen to me when I talk" you fixed his bow tie as an excuse to touch him, he looked unrealistically hot, the tux the hair, even the incipient beard that had started to grow look fantastic on him. "I hate after parties, but Adrian says we should make an appearance and then we can get out of there"

He nodded and you could feel him trembling under your hands, he had been weird since the kiss and you can understand why, but you wanted to reassure him that you didn't give a fuck about his past, that Block or Berkman or whatever you only cared for Barry, that there was something in him that make you feel happy, that he calling out your bullshit was something you needed and that that kiss was the single most happy moment you ever had.

They drove you to the after party and you allowed the crowd to separate you from him while you mapped out in your mind how to talk to him on the way home, and then you felt it, the stench of bourbon and cigars, and a big hand pulling from her arm with strength, you paralyzed for a moment and the promise you had made yourself to kick his nuts the way Barry teach you fly away when he got in the middle of your conversation with a Mexican Director famous for not giving a crap about Hollywood who had a project on Netflix.

"Oh please don't let this man drag you tho those movies actual cinema is here in Hollywood, not paying monthly to watch on your leaving room" He smiled like a hyena and you desperately try to avoid him, but pull you closer and Alfonso simply gave you his card discreetly and walked away. "Quite the spectacle you have put on with the little soldier" he said letting go of your arm, but still blocking your way with his body. "Too bad is about to be over."

"Oh I was not aware you have a saying in when or for how long I am with someone" you spat at him desperately looking for someone to come closer so you could make an escape, but your heart broke when you saw Barry talking happily with whom you assume was his Sally Reed, and you felt alone and defeated and he must have seen that in your eyes because his poisonous tongue kept talking.

"He is good looking I give you that" he said looking in his direction and then back at you holding your chin and you fight with all your strength to not cry right there "But he is just a looser from Ohio, who was caught in the middle of all this glamour" he made a round movement with his hand and then pointed at you "And you are a drinking, smoking whore, you are not going to be the respectable wife of a soldier and retire to live in the suburban house with the white fence. Wake up from your dream Y/N, you need to be with a men who knows how to treat you and how to please you" His hand was on your waist and you felt disgusted by his touch and you cursed yourself for not screaming then and there to fuck off "Tell me little one, does your soldier know how to make you scream? Or does he bore you to death in bed" He was drunk it was obvious and you could feel his breath approaching you and could anticipate his movement, he was going to kiss you.

"Well I haven't recieved complaints" Barry's voice take you out of your trance state and you move away from Richard, he had put his hand on his shoulder and was pressing him steadily in his place, he was way taller and Richard almost look funny next to him "But we hardly ever make it to the bed do we babe?" He possessively take you by the waist and pull you away from him straight to his lips and kissed you voraciously, something that people around you actually notice because you could hear a couple of whistles.

"Are you okay?" He whispered quiet enough so only you could hear and you nodded yes "Such a pleasure to meet you finally, Barry Berkman" He offered his hand and Richard took it trying to put out his charm again.

"The famous Barry, so you are the man taking away our beautiful Y/N to make her a decent woman" He teased you again. You were no longer shaking and Barry's presence gave you courage.

"I think is the other way around" You search inside his jacket for a pack of cigarettes you saw him put there earlier an took one to your mouth "I'm trying to make this beautiful man and indecent creature" Barry quickly offered you fire and then he looked to Richard who was obviously angry at him.

"And you are succeeding honey, anyway I'm going to have to take her away for good, bye Richard" He didn't give him a chance to respond and you were already walking towards Sally, she was there as the plus one of her costar in Richard's movie and she was a lovely person, who only wanted to reassure you she and Barry were done, offered you her friendship and asking for acting advice.

"You want to get out of here?" You said once you have talked to almost everyone but this time Barry make sure to not leave your side in case Maverick come close again.

You walked outside and the car was waiting for you, and different from other times he didn't let your hand go once you were inside, instead he put his arm around you and hold you closer to him.

"I'm so sorry, I paralyzed, I was freaking out and I didn't pushing away, I feel so ashamed" you started speaking against his chest with tears finally coming from your eyes.

"Hey there, it's okay" He patted your back and kissed the top of your head, his voice was calming like a balm taking away the pain "That guy is a jerk, at least he is getting the point now, you were right. What kind of asswhole needs to see a woman with another man in order to understand she doesn't want him?"

"We hardly make it to the bed?" You said smiling "I liked that one, the look on his face"

"I couldn't think anything else, was it too much?" He clearly was nervous about kissing you but this time you were not letting him go so easily.

"Maybe, would you consider this too much?" You pull his face down to kiss him but he didn't move, he kissed you back, not as theatrical as before and his lips felt soft on yours and you could feel his hand on your neck holding you close to him and the other caressing your hair, it felt like pure electricity and little by little he started pushing his tongue inside of yours, and you were surprised by the dominant way he kissed you and the tender way he was holding you.

You were interrupted once the driver announced you were home and once you were inside you could see him burying his hands in his pockets like he didn't know what to do with them.

"We shouldn't" He said finally but his eyes meant something else "I mean I'm still working for you"

"And you say you were no prostitute" you smile at him, using him as support so you could take off your heels and tossed them somewhere in the living room "Are you coming or not?" You take his hand and point to the staircase with your head.

"Yes ma'am" he answered with a grin a followed you upstairs leaving tender kisses in your bare shoulders.

***

Barry wake up with her naked body still wrapped around him, her dress that had been almost impossible to take off was in the floor in some corner and he went to put on his boxers so he could get downstairs, it was 7:00 am and he wanted to make her breakfast, even if he couldn't figure out his way in the kitchen, but he chose to take a leak first.

He was walking out of the bathroom, with the memories of the previous night burning in the back of his head and then he listened it, the familiar sound of a gun going off and he panicked, because it wasn't in his hands, and then a stinging pain in his shoulder, an actual relief because whoever was shooting didn't knew what their were doing, he collapsed on his back next to de bed and hit his head making all blurry but he was listening.

The noise wake Y/N and Barry could hear her scream when she saw him bleeding, and his mind was only thinking in fighting back, then the lights turned on and he could see her, the figure shaking at the door holding the gun.

"Why? Why did you had to choose him?" Adrian's voice had a high pitch on it "I was the one supposed to comfort you, and to hold your hand last night Y/N!!!" She shot at her but thankfully she was terrible and she missed, barry didn't move waiting for a moment to reach for one of the guns he had hide in her room months ago, begging to not bleed out before he could.

"Leave that alone for once" Maverick voice said from the door "And you get dress" He tossed a night gown to Y/N that was covering herself with a bedsheet, he hit Adrian on the face making her fall to the ground and took the gun away from her hands.

"What the fuck Richard?" Y/N scream at him, and she put on the gown "What the fuck are you doing in my house" She attempt to run towards Barry but he stopped her.

"Oh I wouldn't do that sugar" He sounded drunk or something else, but he had enough coordination to hold the gun better than Adrian that now was a crying mess in a corner. "Sit here and don't move" He forced her to sit on the bed and went to were Barry was trying o stand with a hand holding on the bed. "Come on soldier sit with your whore"

"Adrian why did you do this?" Y/N was talking to the young girl, but she couldn't even look at them she was curled in the floor sobbing and holding herself. "I cared for you, you were like my sister, I loved you"

"Oh, did you hear that?" Richard laughed and went to pick Adrian by the hair and forced her to look at Y/N "A sister, but that's not what you wanted right? You'll see Y/N this lady here found something interesting about your prince charming here, and out of her so called love for you she came to me to help her solve your problem, tell me sweetheart have this man told you why did he came home from the war? He is a fucking murderer." His words sound poisonous and Y/N look shocked, but Barry new it was more about how he got that information than the actual fact that Barry had killed someone.

"What do you want Richard?" She said and her voice was soft, she even move apart from Barry in what he hoped was pretend disgust "What are you talking about?"

"This guy you chose killed an innocent man and walked away with it, and your lovely friend here was so worry about you that last night she was too drunk to shut up, so this morning she convinced me to came here and help her get you to safety, but oh no, we are too late" he started pacing around the room making an fake distressed face, and he ignored Barry for a moment "When I got here he had already snapped, he killed your friend..." He pointed the gun to Adrian's head an ignored Y/N pleas and simply killed her "And then I have trouble imagining what could have happened" He had a sadistic grin and took Y/N by the hair and force her to kiss him. "What do you think? He killed himself when he saw what he did?" He pointed his gun at Barry's head who was looking down with his hands behind his back "Or the coward shot you before he killed himself?" He caressed her face with the smoking gun and enjoyed the terror in her face "What is it going to be dear?" He said trying to force another kiss on her.

"Maybe think better asswhole" Barry said and out of nowhere he took the gun frrom his hand an shot him in the head under the scared face of Y/N and even when he was relieved he had saved her he could assume he had lost her forever.

***

The official version was that Richard was high on many different substances, he broke into your house and tried to kill you but Barry took that bullet and then when Adrian tried to calm him down he killed her and out of fear and his agitated mental state he end up blowing up his brains.

There was no reason to disbelief you, he had make a scene at the party the previous night when you left and the gun was registered, and in his house they found footage of your apartment entrance and some pictures taken from the front building as Barry had suspected.

After some harsh couple of months and a very well elaborated lie things were settled down and you even were about to start working on a new independent film.

Everything was perfect but you still missed him, you haven't been able to manage the initial shock and he interpreted as you being too disgusted by his lifestyle and he choose to go back to his anonymous life, to his acting class and being Barry Block, even when press won't leave him alone for days.

A year passed in a blur and you felt hurt that he didn't called you, and you were too proud to look for him, and suddenly one day, Sally walked in for a table read for the movie, and after it was over, and after impressing everyone there including you she timidly approach.

"Hi, I don't want to be awful, but do you remember meeting me?" She said and it take you by surprise the humility she showed.

"Sure you were Barry's friend right?" You said hiding the pain his name produced in your heart.

"Oh my god you remember that's so sweet of you, I just wanted to say how glad I am to work with you, you are such an inspiration" She seemed sincere but you wanted to run away from everything that could remained you of him "And I'm sorry it didn't work out for you guys, I mean he is still obviously in love with you, but he is such a non violent guy that I get why he walked away, but you are a fighter and I just wanted to say I respect you so much"

You smiled and change the subject, and praise her acting buying you enough time to process her words and a glimpse of hope start shining, maybe it was not all lost.

***

"I'm lady Macbeth, again" Natalie's voice was proud of herself, this was the third time they were doing the Shakespearean night but this time he hadn't get Macbeth like the previous year but Benedick in a scene from Much ado about nothing, a comedy since Gene thought he needed to experiment more with that genre, and he had cast Saha as Beatrice, but she didn't have the slightest interest since he had actually given her a second role as Helena in Midsummer.

By the time he was ready to come out in scene and declare his love for Beatrice the woman looking against him was clearly not Sasha but he could have known her figure in any place and so he went and started talking not sure of what to expect.

BENEDICK: I do love nothing in the world so well as you; is not that strange?

BEATRICE: As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not;

I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK: By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE: Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK: I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE: Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK: With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.

BEATRICE: Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK: What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE: You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.

BENEDICK: And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE: I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.

BENEDICK: Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

BEATRICE: Kill Claudio.

The last line resonated in his mind for a moment, but she turned to the audience to make a bow and so did he happy to receive the applause, and she went to take his hand on hers and take one more bow before leaving the stage to Natalie.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her once they were apart from everyone.

"Playing Beatrice, Gene is an old friend of mine, I'm surprised he didn't told you, he loves to name drop, I asked him if I could read for this, I do miss theater you know?" She said finding a chair to sit on, the costume looked beautiful on her.

"That's not what I meant" He started keeping his distance.

"You never called, I went to pick you from the hospital and you leave before I got there, you avoid my calls..." Y/N was holding her hands together nervously. "

"I didn't think I should be around you, and Richard was no longer a threat" he said giving in and sitting next to her. "I do my job and walk away, that's how it works".

"Don't call it a work you didn't get paid" She said hurt by his words and he regretted immediately "We both know it wasn't that anymore that night... Barry I would not give you the crappy speech of how much I love you, but I do, I love you, with all the shitty parts that come along with you, if anything I love you more about those, am sorry I freaked out at the moment but I was sure he was going to kill you, I wasn't scared for me nor of you, for you plenty"

He remained silent for a moment and then he finally stood up, and for a moment she thought he would walk away, but he didn't.

"Do you want to get coffee?" He asked simply.

"Will you hold the mug like a normal person?" She joked.

"I'll ask for a paper cup with no handle if it's better" he said extending his hand to her. "And for what is worth, I love you too"

She took his hand and walked with him into the night, but he couldn't feel the darkness anymore, and the future looked bright for once.

The end

I liked this a lot, I hope you enjoy it

[caspian-skye]

Last of the Inyan, Part 1: Father’s Wish

Here it is! the first part of my RWBY OC related story starring a character from Twilight Crusade: Alexandra Ite! Don’t worry, though. This is basically a character introduction so if it’s your first time seeing my characters, this is an alright place to start! 

Putting it under a “keep reading” line because it’s like 2000 words long...

My name is Alexandra Ité.

Well, maybe I should say my name was Alexandra Ité, as by the time anyone reads this letter, they’ll have found it in the pocket of a dried-out skeleton, picked clean by the vultures I see circling me now, waiting with impossible patience for my last breath.

I’m writing this so some memory persists after I’m gone. So someone, whenever and however this note reaches them, knows I existed.

My name was Alexandra Ité. I’ve wandered this land for a decade now. Though the exact days escape me, I believe I was nineteen years old, born in late June. Skin darker than the stone I tread, with purple hair and one matching eye, the other green. I am the last surviving member of the Inyan Tribe.

I should begin my story by describing the day my life began as it is now. It was one of the Inyan Tribe’s market days, when we would arrive in the morning at a settlement, and sell the garments, scrap fabric, and rare stones we found and crafted over the course of the week. Our goods became coveted among the people of rural Vacuo, as I learned our kingdom was named. Though it could never be predicted where our tribe would arrive, business was always good. We’d use most of what we earned that night in the same village-- buying enough food and water to last our tribe until the next visit.

It was a simple life, but one I miss.

One morning, we arrived at one of Vacuo’s permanent settlements, though I forget the name now. I marvelled at the streets of stone and buildings crafted from hard wood, though my mother’s worry prevented me from much exploration. I stayed in the tent my mother and father, the village chief and his wife, set up. Shining quartz and amethyst displayed in front of us. Many passed up the stones this day in favor of our cloth, I remember. The warmest days of Summer were coming to an end, after all.

The air seemed to chill as one hooded figure stepped up to the tent. She was shrouded in robes of black, a finer silk than any I had ever seen. A hood was lowered over her eyes, allowing us only to see her ghostly pale neck and chin, and blood-red lips.

“What magnificent stones!” she marveled.

My father thanked her.

“Though, I’ve heard mention of another the Inyan possess. It’s said to bring out and amplify the power of dust.” The woman’s lips drew into a grin. “You know about this, surely?”

My father’s eyes narrowed. “How do you?” he questioned.

The woman’s grin widened. “So it’s true,” she pressed.

“Crown Jewel is not for sale, nor will it ever be,” my father defended. He stood up, yet his imposing height and broad shoulders did little to dissuade the mysterious visitor. “I insist you leave at once.”

To my surprise, the woman left without a word.

“Father, who was that?” I asked in a hushed voice.

“I do not know,” he admitted. “And how she knows of the Inyan Crown Jewel is beyond me as well.”

The rest of the day passed as every market day did. By sundown, the cloaked woman had left my mind almost entirely. I sat inside the largest tent in the village, the one shared by my mother, father, and I. I read by candlelight. Most in the village learned only enough in the way of literacy and numbers to make sales, but being the village chief’s daughter, I had access to my parents’ old books, as well as a few my mother had picked out for me on particularly good market days.

The peace was shattered by an earsplitting scream. My mother dropped the shawl she had been knitting, and her eyes widened. My father stood upright, his head on a swivel.

The scream was cut off by a deafening explosion. An orange glow flashed across our tent, and a burst of wind threatened to topple it. Abject horror seized me, taking hold of my body from heart to the tips of my fingers and toes. Somehow I knew what, no. Who I would see as I peeked an eye out of a flap in our tent.

Crimson lips, drawn into a grin. Ghostly pale skin. Hair darker than night and frigid blue eyes. It was the woman from the market, still robed in black. She held a man by the throat, bringing her face near his.

“You. Do you know where the Crown Jewel is?”

“I-I’ll never-- tell you!” my tribemate struggled, gasping for breath between words.

The woman’s icy blue eyes narrowed, and I nearly became sick as flames spouted from the hand grasping his throat.

Half a dozen or more of my tribemates had surrounded the cloaked figure. Without a word to signal their arrival, they guided their arms through a series of movements equal in grace and aggression. Spines of stone bore down on the cloaked figure from each direction, a ring of spears threatening her demise. She raised a single hand.

“Tempus diapsalma.”

In an instant, a flash of ice dust blasted outward and imploded back into the figure with a peculiar sound. An ethereal layer covered the campsite, halting both tribemates and stone in place. The ice coated the outer wall of my tent, and in the dead silence, I felt as if time stood still.

With the wicked grin still upon her lips, the woman formed spears of ice and plumes of flame around the members of my tribe.

My mother pulled me from where I watched the scene unfold.

“Chief Ité! Another young man shouted, bursting into the tent. “A woman is attacking our tribe! She’s killed Beryl and Jaiden!”

“Ancestors protect us,” my father prayed, bowing his head. He winced as another cacophony of agonized screams filled the air. “I will confront her.” He stepped to the middle of the room, rolling back the knit rug to reveal the dirt beneath. He raised his hands in front of himself, shifting the stone in front of me to form a hole, several feet deep, and about six feet long.

It looked like a grave.

Without a word, my father walked to the foot of his bed, and clicked the hinge on a black box. From it, he produced a tiara crafted of dark, twisted stone. On it, a single purple gem that gleamed in the candlelight, two inches long and one wide, cut in perfect symmetry. He knelt in front of me.

“Alexandra. Take Crown Jewel, and hide in there,” he directed, pointing to the hole in the middle of the floor. “Once we dispel our attacker, I will retrieve you. If I don’t, know we watch over you, always. Know we love you.”

Tears welled in my eyes, anguish clasping my throat like a clawed hand. “B-But father... I can’t... you can’t go!”

“I must. If I don’t retrieve you, raise your hands above your head, and will the stone to move. It will for you, my daughter.”

My trembling legs forbid me move.

“Promise me, you will keep Crown Jewel safe,” my father continued. He hoisted me up by the shoulders, carrying my limp form to the hole in the floor. “No matter what becomes of us, you must promise me.”

“I... I promise.”

The hole wasn’t deep enough.

I can still recall the agonizing sound of my parents’ screams, of my mother’s body landing on the ground above me.

I stayed in that hole until I could no longer bear my prison. Part of me feared the woman remained, and another part lied, insisting my father would come to retrieve me.

By the time I emerged, the Sun had begun to rise.

I tried my best to avert my eyes, to avoid the slain forms of my tribe. There were too many of them. Everywhere I turned, the seared, twisted faces of friends. The faces of family, frozen solid with their last tortured scream permanently etched into them.

I had to leave. I filled a stone canteen to the brim, fixing it to my waist. In a bag, all the food I could carry.

Then, I set off. My feet carried me forward, my mind in a daze. I had no idea where I was going, nor where I would arrive. I’m not even sure I cared. In a single night, I had lost everything, and everyone I had ever known. My father told me to protect Crown Jewel. As far as I knew, that was all I lived for.

And yet, I had no idea how Crown Jewel worked. I had moved the stone aside, but my father already taught me basic dust wielding. Crown Jewel is supposed to draw out its user’s inner strength, synergize the user’s soul with the dust they wield. I felt no connection to it, none of the innate strength my father promised me when teaching me its significance.

An endless sea of orange and brown surrounded me now, pitfalls at the edge of the plateau I traversed tumbling hundreds of feet down. It was silent, and oppressively lonely. I walked on for hours. The Sun above beat down on me, the searing heat I thought I had grown used to burning my skin. I stopped to sit, and opened my jug of water.

Once done with my sip, I looked to the sky. Around the sun, a ring of winged black silhouettes. I blinked, cocking my head in sudden curiosity. One of the birds was bigger than the others. Impossibly big.

My eyes widened, heart sinking as the largest bird suddenly pulled off from the ring. It beat its wings viciously as it began to descend upon me with a hellish scream. I ran as fast as I could, even faster than I thought possible. Yet I heard the Nevermore’s shrieks closing in. I chanced a glimpse over my shoulder.

Its massive wings spread wide, the Nevermore pulled back, talons lunging forward to seize me like a falcon would a mouse. I dove to the ground, and felt air rip past my back. Stone shredded upward just feet in front of me where the claws tore through the ground, a plume of dust rising into the sunlight. With a frustrated scream, the Nevermore once again took to the sky.

My arms and legs trembled violently, losing all semblance of strength. My heart pounded into my ears, and I began running once again, gasping for breath through the cloud of dust, sweating profusely in the heat. I heard the beast circle back around.

In my horror, I didn’t realize how close I had come to the edge of the plateau. As I looked over my shoulder, one faulty step sent me tumbling over the crest of the stone wall. My ribs struck first on a jagged outcropping, and I screamed as I tumbled over it, dropping ten, fifteen feet to a steep decline. The soles of my shoes and the skin of my hands shredded as I desperately scrambled in an attempt to slow myself to a stop. I succeeded half a dozen feet from a staggering dropoff, one I felt sick merely looking at.

My side felt light.

I looked down, and saw only the lip of my jug remained tied to my side. Its jagged and shattered remains scattered around my legs, water dribbling down the stone and evaporating before it got the chance to tumble over the cliff.

“No... No no no!” I lamented, lurching forward to my hands and knees in a vain attempt to scavenge the pieces of my only chance at survival.

Another shriek, this one from directly above. I looked up, and saw a colossal beak opening far wider than my body, its crushing blackness blotting out the sun.

I ducked my head to the ground, curling into a ball.

Then, it struck me. Something stirred suddenly within me; a surge of energy like a jolt of lightning or a flickering of flame. All at once, energy coursed through my veins, to every muscle-- every cell in my body. The Nevermore’s scream cut off, echoing across the canyon wall and into the desert.

I dared raise my head.

A spear of stone, three feet wide at the base and dozens tall, rose from the dirt just behind me. It impaled the creature of grimm through the throat, into its body and leaving the base of its spine. The monster’s wings fell to each side of me, slumping to the ground about a dozen feet in both directions.

It began to disappear.

Back then, I thought Crown Jewel had saved my life. Now I know that was my own strength. My soul, synergizing with all those who came before me.

[ravenclaw-halfblood-blog]

The horse and chariot

This is the first fanfic I think I ever wrote but I didn’t think it was good enough for anyone to see it, I’ve been doing some tweaking recently and I hope you enjoy.

Jason sprinted up the stairs. He rounded the corner and crashed straight into Percy. Percy grinned at him “Hey Jace, what’s the r-” Jason cut him off. “Percy, it’s Annabeth” he said breathlessly. He looked close to tears. Percy’s sea green eyes clouded over. All the playfulness was lost from them and he looked murderous. “What is it? Is she hurt? Jason, I swear to the gods if you have harmed her in anyway…”. Jason shrank back at the tone of Percy’s voice. “No, I don’t know…. Percy, she’s in her room. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Percy had started running before Jason had finished speaking. He raced down the stairs at inhuman speeds and burst into Annabeth’s room. He saw her in the corner with her head in her hands sobbing as if her heart was breaking. The mere sight of her like this broke Percy. All he wanted to do was curl up and cry, if he ended up in the Fields of Punishment this would be his torture. He crossed the room in the blink of an eye, vaulting over a coffee table as he went. He landed next to his girlfriend and pulled her in close to him. Her breathing began to level out but just as Percy thought she was calm enough to talk to, Annabeth slumped forward in his arms. Percy scooped his girlfriend up effortlessly and, panic kindling in his heart, he yelled for help. Almost immediately Piper and Hazel came running. “Call Blackjack, we need to get her to camp immediately.” “Um… Percy..Are you sure she didn’t just faint?” Piper asked him hesitantly. Percy turned to face her “I don’t think so” he replied a little too calmly. It was only then did Piper realise how terrifying and powerful the Son of Poseidon was. “When I came in she was crying so hard I thought my heart would break in two. I’ve only seen Annabeth cry a few times before. When Luke became Kronos and was ‘lost to worse than death’ and in Tartarus when she was cursed to think I had abandoned her.” He shuddered involuntarily “ I need to talk to Will about that too.” They watched a dark shape flying towards them. Blackjack whinnied as he landed on the roof “ Camp, as fast as you can go,” Percy said shortly as he mounted the pegasus. “You’ve put on some pounds boss” Blackjack said with a hint of amusement in his voice.“ You’re lady don’t look so good right now either,” “I’m not in the mood Blackjack"Percy growled” I need to get to camp.“ Percy paced outside the infirmary door. He had left Annabeth’s bedside after two Apollo healers told him that he was making the patients nervous with Riptide drawn and him scowling at anyone within ten feet of Annabeth’s bed. When he refused to leave the Apollo campers said that they would return with reinforcements and forcibly remove him so he resigned himself to pacing as Piper, Hazel, Nico and Leo watched. After what felt like forever, Will popped his head out, winked at Nico and told Percy that they needed to talk. Will grinned at Percy as they sat down in Will’s office. "So…..We did a few tests to check out the fainting and also to see if the crying tied in with it….” Will trailed off. Percy looked up at him.“and?” “Um..” Will shook his head in disbelief"Annabeth is pregnant. Congrats Percy.“ Percy looked as if someone had hit him over the head with a baseball bat. He blinked several times and lifted his head. "What?” Will grinned at Percy’s priceless expression. “You’re going to be a father Percy” The others stood up as Percy entered the waiting area. “Is Annabeth going to b-,” Piper stopped abruptly “ oh my gods Percy, you look like you’re going to faint.” She rushed over to him and with Nico’s help they managed to get Percy sitting on one of the plastic seats. Nico frowned at him.“ Percy, what happened?” “ Annabeth’s pregnant,” he muttered, almost to himself. Nico’s mouth dropped open, so did Piper’s. Hazel squealed and hugged him as Leo’s nose ignited. “Will said that was why she was crying, and why she’s been waking up screaming. He said being pregnant for a demigod is like being a vampire- everything is heightened.Any dreams or memories will be more vivid than real life and if she’s having flashbacks to Tartarus…” he shuddered. “ It’s going to be like she is there all over again.” Leo stared.“ I can’t believe Will watches the Vampire Diaries.” Piper slapped him. “I can’t believe that you got Annabeth pregnant.” Percy looked disgruntled. “I’m fairly sure she had something to do with it too,"he protested. Nico had suddenly gone very white. ”Percy, you do realise that if she is seeing Tartarus more vividly than real life then she is seeing it like I did, like you did when you were dying, with the mist stripped away.Tartarus in its true glory.“ "I know Nico,” the twenty four year old said softly"All I can do is be there to comfort her whenever something triggers her memories.“ He pulled a small box from his pocket and began to turn it unconsciously in his hand before opening it. Inside was a silver ring set with the biggest, smoothest, most beautiful pearl that he could find. It was engraved with a horse and chariot with two figure in it, one with a sword and a shield, the other with long,curly hair.” The chariot race, from your second year at camp,“ said a familiar voice behind him. It was Clarisse. He hadn’t heard her come in."Go for it,” she said and left. The others looked confused and Piper opened her mouth to ask him about it but was interrupted by Hazel. “Oh my gods, Percy, that’s as close to pure silver that you can get without it losing its shape!!” Percy smiled sheepishly “I asked my brother Tyson to make it for me,” he said answering Leo’s questioning look. Nico gasped as a look of realisation passed over his face. “Percy, is that….?” Percy nodded again. “Yeah, but how am I going to propose without it looking like a pity proposal?” The room was filled with noise as the other three finally realised what Clarisse had meant. Hazel squealed as she jumped up and down and clapped her hands. Piper screamed as she hugged Percy. Nico smiled and hugged Percy after Piper was finished squeezing him to death. Leo’s hair burst into flames.

Thanks for reading xoxo r-h

[silvershadow1398]

#22

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? Nope, but unfortunately I’m inclined to think “not yet” 02. Do you have a lot of scars? I have some but no not a lot 03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? Nope 04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? Nope but I’ve been seriously hurt by mistake 05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? Wisdom teeth extraction, but that doesn’t really count

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? Nope 07. Are you self conscious of how you look? Yes 08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? I don’t put on a lot for the most part, but I absolutely can 09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? I’ve thought about it but I’d never pursue it 10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? Looks do help, but so does a kind heart

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? I’ve never been grounded, but I’ve had things taken away from me 12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? Abortion, sorry but that’s the honest truth 13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? I do when it’s too late 14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Being forced to live with a roommate (or more) that I don’t get along with and who causes trouble 15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? I was asked to replace someone in a dance but I was told it was fine if I couldn’t make rehearsal. I should’ve not gone

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? I get super passive aggressive 17. Name a time when you had to be strong. Whenever my mom gets upset and anxious about things... 18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? Parents fighting, and I feel like I may have been emotionally abused to some degree 19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? I isolate myself 20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. Other than family members, no

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? Yes 22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? Not at all lol 23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I’ve gone through A LOT 24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? Nope 25. How old do you act? Sometimes I act like I’m 25, other times I act like I’m 15

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? Most of my dad’s side because most of them don’t like me or my mom (they don’t make that explicitly known, but I think so) 27. If you had to choose, family or friends? Friends 28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? My mom usually 29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? No 30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? A lot

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? I’m 5′1″, I wish I was around 5′4″ 32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? I’ve grown a LOT since starting college 33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? Most of the time I’m mature for my age 34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? Kinda but I’m also excited because so far my 20′s have been horrible 35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? I have SO much to learn

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? Can be real 37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist? I wish I could say otherwise, but pessimist 38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? Not everything, but a lot of things happen for a reason 39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? God I hope not 40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? I try to think about things I’m looking forward to in the future

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? Not diagnosed but I think I might have depression 42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? No 43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? I just have bad luck 44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? Yep 45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? A lot... but I’d never do any of those

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) I honestly can’t think of anything rn 47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh, or the other way around? Both 48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? I haven’t in a long time but I think I could 49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! I really can’t think of a specific one rn but there are definitely some 50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? No

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? To learn 52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? Average for the most part, smart in some aspects but dumb af in others 53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? A 54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher? All B’s, aim higher (going to be difficult this particular semester but I can hope) 55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? Science!

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? Nope and nope 57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? Yes 58. Is love worth it? Sure 59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? I used to think it was cute, now I think it’s annoying 60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? It takes a lot for me to say it

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? It helps but no 62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? Above average 63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? I’m in college now 64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? Ugh that’s difficult, I used to always say marriage, but now I’m kinda thinking money now 65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 6, it definitely helps but isn’t everything

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? Yes 67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? Very small chance, but for the most part no 68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? Yes, this person has had PID from having sex so much and is infertile 69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? Erase 70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! Nice

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? I can open up about some things pretty quickly, others I never mention ever 72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? Some things I don’t trust anyone 73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? Past experiences and also reading about other people’s experiences 74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? I have never been comfortable with anyone sexually 75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? Regarding both, I am still in the closet. Regarding my dad, a few other things

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? Yes, and I’d rather keep the memory because now I know not to waste my time with anyone who’s similar

77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? Yes 78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? Pessimistic, I need to be more optimistc 79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? Yes 80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: Yes but I can’t think of a specific example

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? Try to figure it out myself, I hate asking for help 82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? Yes, I want to know why tf I was born the way I am 83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? No and I do not wish to talk to scumbag Trump at all 84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? I try to let it go because I don’t like confrontation 85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? Idk

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? I have good manners and I’m courteous 87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? Be a scumbag to everyone, even if they’re nice to just me 88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? Yes, unless I really don’t like them 89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? Me feeling like garbage about it, and usually my mom gets really stern with me 90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? I’m mean back

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? I’m in college, year 3 undergrad 92. When will you graduate high school/college? Graduate college in 2020 93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? I’m in college 94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? It’s meh, I’ve met some good people and teachers/professors but I’ve had pretty shitty days too 95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? Nope

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? Yep 97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? I’ve never been explicitly pressured to drink, but I’ve been subtly pressured. Yes I did. I have never been pressured to smoke and I will never do it even if someone does 98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? No 99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? Nope 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? Usually more independent and strong willed

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? Sometimes 103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I wear whatever I want unless there’s a dress code 104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? I usually don’t if it’s dangerous, such as those three. Other things, there’s a chance 105. What makes you different from people your age? I don’t take shit from anyone

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? My laptop 107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? This is pretty mean, but probably my own. And no I would not 108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? My laptop and phone 109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? My laptop and phone 110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? Yes

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? To be happier, more able to support myself alone, and meet more people who are genuine 112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? Myself 113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? Meh 114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? Idk 115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? Sometimes

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? I’m very independent 122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? Asymmetry 123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? Meh 124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? Mostly the latter 125. Do you think people are generally good? Most of the time yes, but there are some horrible people

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? It’s not bad but it could be better 127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? Nope, just tumblr 128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? Both 129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? Kind of but also not 130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? Hunger

[onkeywritings]

First Date

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

Part of Deaf AU - part 1, part 2

Okay, so where do you think we should go? Kibum signs to his twin sister that’s lying on his floor. 

Kibum is lying on his stomach in his bed, looking down at Gwiboon who’s playing with a rubber band.

He spent hours yesterday evening texting with Jinki. The kiss was a wild card and Kibum hadn’t been sure it worked, but they’re still talking so it can’t be that bad.

Kibum has known he’s in love with Jinki for a few weeks now. It was easy, though, falling in love with Jinki. Jinki understands like no one else has ever understood. He doesn’t ask stupid questions about being deaf because Kibum’s disability doesn’t matter to Jinki. He doesn’t look at Kibum strangely when he doesn’t react immediately and he knows how to get Kibum’s attention if Kibum isn’t looking straight at Jinki all the time. 

Kibum wouldn’t mind looking at Jinki all the time because the older man is gorgeous in a familiar way and Kibum likes the way Jinki’s cheeks turn pink when he notices that Kibum is staring.

Jinki is charming in a clumsy way but passionate about his knowledge and learning more. He’s curious about the world and he is so engaging whenever he explains what he has just learned that Kibum finds himself actually wanting to learn.

So now Kibum has decided to take it one step further. He wants to ask Jinki on an actual date, a real date. Something that proposes more than friendship and something that might prove to Kibum that they can be more than just friends. The thought makes his heart beat a little faster and he hides his cheeks in his hands. 

Then he gets hit with the rubber band on his shoulder and he looks up with a frown.

Asshole, he signs and Gwiboon ignores him.

I don’t know where you should take him, she signs back and Kibum sighs a little. But he’s cute, I want him if you don’t want him.

Kibum frowns again and finds the rubber band between his sheets and throws it back at her.

He’s mine. Also, you have a girlfriend, he signs at her and Gwiboon laughs, her eyes scrunching up.

Eunsook wouldn’t mind, Gwiboon signs but they both know that’s not true. It’s also not true that Gwiboon would ever do anything with anyone; she loves her girlfriend too much.

But Kibum knows his twin sister well enough to know that her jabs are nothing but snarky remarks to get him to confess. It’s the way they talk to each other, the way they encourage each other. Neither of them are very good with words and advice. 

They understand each other, however, and that’s all they need.

Whatever. What did you do with Eunsook on your first date? Kibum signs at her and Gwiboon lights up in a small fond smile at the memories.

She took me ice skating. Hey, you could do that with Jinki?

Kibum laughs a little and shakes his head.

Two deaf people on an ice skating rink sounds like an absolute disaster, Kibum signs and Gwiboon sits up so she can have a better look at him.

I thought he was only hearing impaired? she asks and Kibum nods.

He is, but he prefers to be without his hearing aids when he’s with me. It’s not like I care anyway…

Gwiboon nods a little and then lies back down on the floor. Kibum turns his head so he can stare at his blank television. He wants to do something memorable for Jinki, something that will stand out. Something that will allow him to express his feelings and his want to be more without being too aggressive about it. He wants it to be perfect but casual.

Kibum bites his lower lip as he continues thinking.

Being this nervous is ridiculous. Kibum has gone on countless of dates in his life. He has done it a million times before, even with people that later realised they couldn’t work with his disability.

Kibum has been on dates with hearing people that didn’t understand sign language. He has been on dates with people that expected him to be able to lip read. He’s been on dates with other deaf people. But none of them matches Jinki and maybe that’s what’s making him nervous.

He bites his lower lip before he takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

The door is flung open almost immediately, a young girl almost bumping into Kibum. She speaks to someone behind her that can only be Jinki’s younger brother, Taemin, but she’s turned away from Kibum and it’s going too fast so Kibum doesn’t know what’s being said. He does understand the intention of her small bow when she steps beside him to get out of the door.

Taemin calls into the house before he steps outside as well.

He’ll be there in a moment, Taemin signs, presses the door bell and then hurries off after the girl. The light flickers in the house and Kibum feels stupid for not using the door bell.

It takes a minute before Jinki stands before him, hair a mess and Kibum lights up in a smile at the sight. Jinki is beautiful, even when he doesn’t look very prepared for a date.

I fell asleep, he signs sheepishly and runs a hand through his hair. Kibum laughs a little.

Oh well. Are you ready or do you want a few minutes? Kibum asks and Jinki contemplates for a few seconds before he invites Kibum inside and asks him to wait for another minute or two.

Kibum looks around in the hallway. One wall is littered with family photos, most displaying two young boys. The other wall hosts a large mirror and a bench beneath it. Kibum tilts his head a little as he looks at his reflection, trying to fix his hair.

He notices Jinki in the mirror and turns around the second Jinki stands behind him. Jinki takes a surprised step back and then smiles wide. Kibum’s heart melts.

Where are you taking me? Jinki asks when they leave the house, walking down the street together. Their hands are brushing with every step but neither Kibum nor Jinki has taken the step to actually hold hands. It makes butterflies stir in Kibum’s stomach.

It’s a secret, Kibum signs and Jinki tilts his head in confusion. Kibum doesn’t say anything, however.

They enter a bowling alley and get their shoes and soon enough they’re playing against each other. 

Jinki is winning favourably but Kibum knows he cheats at times, throws the ball deliberately bad so he doesn’t win with too much. Kibum doesn’t really care about losing, though, because seeing Jinki is happy is all that’s really important to him.

And Jinki is happy. He’s laughing and smiling widely, excitedly signing to Kibum to tell him about everything. The atmosphere is so relaxed and casual and Kibum’s heart is aching to kiss Jinki and hold him. Just stand there in their own world where sounds cannot touch them.

It’s so much easier to pretend they’re the only two people on Earth when Kibum doesn’t have to actively tune out other people. He knows they’re there, can see them when he tears his eyes away from Jinki but he only does so when he has to play.

When the game ends with Jinki as the winner Kibum grabs his hand and leads him out of the bowling alley. Their fingers aren’t linked but at least they’re holding hands and that’s also good enough for Kibum. He can’t expect to have it all.

Jinki leads him towards a narrower street with fewer people and a more gentle street light. Kibum doesn’t know where they are. He has never been in this neighbourhood and he has no idea how to get home from here but Jinki keeps leading him down the streets and Kibum can’t do anything but follow. He wants to go wherever Jinki goes. As long as they’re together, Kibum isn’t afraid.

Jinki suddenly stops under a street light and leans against a metal railing that protects the sidewalk from the road. Kibum stands before him, his heart rate spiking when Jinki puts his hands on his hips and pulls him closer. Then Jinki lets go again to sign.

Thank you for tonight, he signs and Kibum smiles and looks around before he gets eye contact with Jinki again.

Where are we? Kibum asks and Jinki bites his lower lip shortly before he leans close enough so he can press his lips against Kibum’s. Kibum’s eyes widen in surprise.

Is this alright? Jinki asks instead of answering Kibum’s question when he lets go. Kibum rolls his eyes but puts his hands on Jinki’s shoulders so he can lean in again.

When they part under the streetlight, Kibum raises an eyebrow in question. What are they? That’s the most important question but Kibum doesn’t want to let go of Jinki to ask. Trying to talk is useless, however, and Kibum doesn’t want to even try anyway.

It’s Jinki that pulls his hands away so he can sign between them.

Do you want to be…? he asks and can’t get himself to actually sign the last word. Kibum chuckles a little.

Be? he signs and Jinki sighs.

My … you know, Jinki signs and flushes a little pink. Kibum still shakes his head and shrugs a little.

I don’t know Jinki. 

Boyfriend? Jinki signs and Kibum looks at the sky the moment Jinki starts signing.

What? I didn’t catch that? Sorry! Kibum signs apologetically and smiles a little when he looks at Jinki again.

B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D? Jinki spells at last, now obviously embarrassed at having to spell it out to Kibum, to actually say the words. He looks down at the ground but Kibum puts his hand under his chin and lifts his head again so they get eye contact.

Yes, he signs with one hand before he leans in so he can kiss Jinki again under the orange street light.