#b) rambles i must share my thoughts on

[s0lar-ch3ri]

the draft counts at 115. get ready for tonight bitches

[pboogerswbb]

TOO LOST IN YOU - part VIII

Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc

Warnings: SMUT AND I MEAN FILTH, language

Wordcount: 6K

A/N: okay got this done and was hugely motivated by the way i was crashing out all day yesterday after waking up to that trippin out tiktok... anyway this is literally pure smut lol but i hope you enjoy it! this series is beginning to come to an end, this is the second to last part! i'm so sad to let palerie go :(( i love them to death! i think there'll be one more part and an epilogue eventually ANYWAYS go read you freaks! once again send me your thoughts!! smoochies x

-

Relief is all I feel when Paige kisses me back, my legs wiggling in the air as our lips move together. The familiar taste of the blonde’s lips is beyond comforting, every cell in my body wanting more. It felt liberating to finally admit what my subconscious had known all along. I love her badly.

Carefully I’m placed back onto the ground, Paige’s forehead resting against mine as we pull our lips apart hesitantly, both of us breathing heavy. Before I can speak Paige opens her mouth.

“You wanna go for a drive? Let’s go for a drive.”

And so we walk to the blonde’s Jeep, the tension between us palpable. Until now it had been like some sort of shared secret of ours. Now, finally addressed out loud it somehow made the tension stronger.

Both our chests are heaving as we sit silently in Paige’s car. Her hands work the wheel smoothly, hand coming over to rest on the back of my seat as she backs out, heading out of the parking lot I watch her closely, noticing the bags under her eyes. She must not have been sleeping enough.

“Where are we going?” I ask carefully as we enter the highway, Paige handing me her phone to set up some music - strange because the Paige I knew would never let anyone else pick the music in her car, let alone let me touch her phone. I suppose a lot would change now. I pick one of her playlists randomly, full of R&B.

“I wanna show you something,” the blonde murmurs, her eyes focused on the road. For a second I hesitate, doubt taking over in my head. Maybe I shouldn’t have said “I love you” earlier, perhaps it was a bit much, a mistake. But like reading my mind, Paige’s free hand grabs mine and brings it to her lips, kissing it. Nope, definitely wasn’t a mistake.

With soft beats playing in the background we sit in silence, both of us taking our time to process everything between us. Finally we pull up to a field, full of trees showing signs of foliating, reminding us of the approaching summer ahead. The small parking lot is desolate on a Wednesday night. The view is beautiful as the car faces the trees and the hilly plains - still, I’m not sure why we were here.

“It’s really pretty in the fall,” Paige says, staring out the window. “The leaves get all red and orange.” I nod, still slightly confused why she brought me here.

“When I first came to Storrs me and my dad stopped here and just sat for like an hour not even talking before he dropped me off,” the blonde continues, her voice gentle. “Ion think either of us was ready to say bye so we just sat here.”

I listen carefully, giving her space to talk.

“Since then when I feel overwhelmed or just need some distance I come here.”

I nod, “It’s really pretty.”

Paige nods too, “Yeah.”

Sighing, she turns her head to me, our eyes meeting. The way she’s fiddling with her hands tells me she’s nervous. 

“I’m scared,” Paige says, merely whispering. I feel a pang of empathy take over me, I wish there was a way for me to take all that away, to carry it for the both of us.

“Me too,” I admit.

The blonde shakes her head though, lightly taking my hands into hers, thumbs brushing over my skin.

“You don’t get it Val, there’s just no way I won’t disappoint you all the time. Basketball takes so much of my time, it just has to be my priority. It’s like no matter what I do I disappoint you or I disappoint everyone else, coach, my team, my dad…”

She’s rambling now, her walls coming down, completely open for me. It was entirely new. Yet seeing her like this made it all clock in my head - why she was the way she was. I never considered her behaviour to have any other motive than being an asshole.

“Paige,” I stop her. “I know the game’s your life. It comes first, always. I’ve always got that, none of that’s gonna change. I know it’s your world.”

The blonde rubs her own face, working hard to push through the uncomfortable vulnerability of her emotions.

“No ‘s not just that, I dunno if that’s what I want. Ion wanna live life like that, Ion want you to come second,” Paige sighs, rubbing her jaw. Oh.

“Then we’ll make space for both,” I comfort her, my thumbs rubbing her hands soothingly.

Paige sighs, clearly worried. “But what if that makes me like… mediocre, what if the reason I’ve been great is because I made the game my whole life?”

I shake my head. “You’ve been great because you, Paige, are great. That’s not gonna change,” I kiss both her hands, her skin cold against my lips. “You’re the best in the country, remember?”

She grins weakly, blue eyes watching me closely. “You really think so?” She asks, and I’m shocked by the vulnerability of her voice, something completely new to me.

“I know so Paige,” I nod, letting go of her hands. She looks at me for a while, eyes roaming my face. She looks almost ethereal in the warm light of the car, contrasting with the darkness outside.

“I talked to Justine,” she admits.

“I know you did, she told me.”

“Oh.”

A silence falls between us as Paige looks out the window into the dark field, fidgeting with the strings of her sweatpants.

“She’s cool, Ion wanna come between you guys if you’re happy, she’s good for you and-”

“Paige?” I interrupt, my voice careful.

She turns to look at me.

“It’s over with her. For good,” I say, our eyes meeting. There’s a flicker of surprise in Paige’s gaze as she takes in my words. I guess it was my turn to be vulnerable.

“Look, I never liked her the way she deserves. I just couldn’t be with anyone, my mind’s just too stuck on you. Like I can’t think of anyone else, and I know hearing that kinda thing makes you anxious but I just need to be honest-”

“It doesn’t make me anxious Val,” Paige says, stopping my rambling. “Shit, Val, I feel like that too. And then seeing you with Justine, it drove me fucking crazy…”

She leans her head back, resting it against the seat, her eyes low and jaw sharp as she thought. “I’ve been such a dick Val, I dunno how you can ever forgive me,” she sighs, a hint of desperation in her voice. I can feel my heartbeat rising as I take in the blonde’s words. It was everything I had been waiting to hear from her.

Her blue eyes flicker to mine, brows furrowing the slightest bit. “I’m sorry Valerie, for everything,” she says, and I can tell she means it.

I feel my lower lip trembling out of control, my eyes getting wet as I try and blink the tears away. I had waited to hear those words this whole time, to hear her mean it. The second a tear rolls down my cheek Paige wipes it away and reclines her seat, making space for me.

“C’mere, please,” she pleads. I climb my way over to her, sitting on her right thigh and wrapping my arms around her neck, letting her hold me across her lap, her legs spread wide in her grey Nike sweats to make me more comfortable .

It felt euphoric having her this close, for all this pent up emotion from the past 6 months to release. The blonde’s hand comes to brush through my long hair as she brings my head to rest on her shoulder, pressing her cheek against the top of my head.

“Lemme show you I can do better, I promise I’ll work so damn hard to show you Val,” she whispers, hungry for my forgiveness. Her lips press against the top of my head, her breath hot against my scalp. “I’mma crawl and get on my knees if you want me to, I’ll do anything you want Val just gimme a chance.”

I swear I had never felt so much affection for another person, for the girl holding me when I raise my head to see the desperation in her eyes, the way she was biting down on her plump bottom lip. Bringing my hand to her cheek I lean in and kiss her. Softly, slowly, my lips feeling for every inch of hers, telling her without any words what she needed to hear. That I forgive her.

Paige exhales harshly, her strong hand coming to hold the back of my head as she pulls me closer, both of us fighting the whimpers we wanted to let out. Those two weeks apart had been like drowning. Only now I became aware of the overwhelming homesickness that had been looming over me that time apart. Finally having her lips on mine, smelling the familiar scent of her deodorant and feeling the warmth of her skin, I could feel the homesickness wash away slowly. There was no need for it anymore. I was home.

“I love this song,” Paige whispers against my lips, her nose nuzzling mine. My heart flutters when I hear the first beats to my favourite song in the world - The blonde knew this of course, I had introduced the song to her in the first place. Now it had made itself into Paige’s playlists, every lyric reminding her of me. “Me too,” I answer.

“You look into my eyes, I go out of my mind

I can't see anything 'coz this love got me blind

I can't help myself, I can't break the spell”

“Valerie?” Paige asks, her voice deep and soft in the same way it was in the mornings, when the first beams of sunlight woke her up and she was holding me tight, whispering into my ear.

“Mhm?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Her voice is shaky, unsure - not because of what she’s saying but because of what I might answer. My heart races and I can’t fight the smile that spreads onto my face, a satisfied hum escaping my lips.

“Yeah,” I murmur, nuzzling my nose against Paige’s again.

The blonde pulls me into a kiss, both of us smiling making our teeth clank together but it only makes us smile more. I open my eyes to look at her as we both giggle together, my cheeks turning rosy. 

“That got me lil nervous not gonna lie,” Paige smiles and pulls me into another kiss, this one wasn’t cute and giggly though - it was slow, serious, meaningful. Suddenly my body reacts, breath hitching in my throat as the blonde’s hand tenderly caresses up and down my thigh. I felt like I’d been starved, everything in my body aching for her.

“And my knees are weak

And my mouth can't speak

Fell to far this time”

I shift on her lap to straddle her, Paige’s breathing growing heavy between us two as we kept up with the unhurried kisses, her hand on my thigh slowly sneaking upwards, finally stopping on my ass, gently fondling. Every movement is soft, purposeful. Paige leaning back on the seat unzips her grey Nike hoodie, taking it off as I pepper her jaw with kisses, my lips gently working to elicit hums and deep exhales from the girl. 

“Baby, I'm too lost in you

Caught in you

Lost in everything about you

So deep I can't sleep, I can't think”

Breathing heavy, the blonde now in a white tee reclines the seat all the way down, pulling me on top of her, big hands on my ass growing needier, gripping harder. The heat between my legs makes me whimper into her mouth, Paige’s eyes squeezing shut in response. Our tongues finally meet, and it quickly gets sloppy, my lips glossy with saliva as the blonde’s hand tilts my head by my jaw, trying to get more of me, impossibly so.

Fingers brushing through my hair Paige gently tucks my head to the side, her lips kissing from my jaw to my neck, her warm tongue leaving a wet trail from my shoulder to my ear, sucking on my earlobe. I let out a soft moan, feeling chills run down my spine, all the way to my aching core. 

“I just think about the things you do

I'm just too lost in you”

“I need you Valerie,” Paige murmurs into my ear, her voice desperate and needy immediately making me wetter. I can only nod, trying hard to form the words.

“I need you too Paige.”

The blonde curses into my ear, pulling down her sweats, breathing so heavy her mouth is wide open, hips bucking towards me. Pulling back I see her blue eyes almost completely dark with lust as she gazes up at me, brows furrowed in a needy frown..

“Well, you whisper to me

And I shiver inside

You undo me and move me in ways undefined

And you're all I see

And you're all I need

Help me baby, help me now”

The look on her face is enough to leave me moaning, my core on fire now, aching. Without looking away from my eyes, Paige’s hands come to my white sweats, swiftly pulling them off, leaving me in a white baby tee and black panties - completely soaked from how badly my body was crying out for her.

Never breaking eye contact, the blonde grabs my wrist and pulls it to her clothed core, letting out a guttural groan when my fingertips press into the wet fabric of her boxers, rubbing against her clit. 

“Oh, P,” I whimper, my lips parting when she raises her muscular thigh enough for it to meet my cunt, hand gripping my hips, gently guiding me to grind against her.

“Baby,” Paige moans breathily, her blue eyes locked in mine as longing whimpers fill the car, only swallowed by the song in the background.

“'Cause I'm slippin' away

Like the sand to the tide

Flowing into your arms, falling into your eyes”

“Missed you so much baby,” the blonde whimpers, licking her lips as I let out a desperate whine, the friction of her thigh not quite enough. 

“Me too baby,” I moan, letting Paige’s hands move my hips against her, pressing my hand against her cunt harder, rubbing in circles. The wetness between my legs was getting overwhelming, making me lightheaded - desperate for release.

Paige takes note, hearing the need in my moans. Her fingertips pull my thong down my legs, groaning when she feels my wet cunt press back onto her bare thigh, flexing her muscles there to provide more pressure on my clit.

“Oh god,” I let out shakily, jaw falling slack. Paige’s hand comes up to caress my cheek, shaking her head to herself. 

“You’re so beautiful Val,” she murmurs, pulling me down into a needy kiss, swallowing all my moans as I grind my wet cunt against her warm, muscular thigh, her fingertips digging into my hips. 

“If you get too near I might disappear

I might lose my mind”

Holding my hips, Paige flips us over, handling me with care, my back against the seat now and legs pried wide open by her strong hands. 

“Shit,” she whispers, watching the way my skin is glistening with wetness, pulling her own boxers down hastily, tongue darting out to wet her lips. I can’t look away from her face, the way her cheeks have gone red, her eyelids are heavy, dark lashes fluttering as she lifts one of my legs over her shoulder.

Her hands grip my hips and pull me down on the seat forcefully, our cores slotting together making me gasp, hands desperately gripping the seat underneath me.

“Paige,” I moan, my eyes fluttering shut as her hips press into mine, a shaky exhale escaping her lips.

“Oh fuck,” Paige breathes, hands slowly rising up my sides to lift my shirt enough to reveal my bare breasts. The blonde seems grateful I hadn’t bothered to wear a bra today.

I feel overwhelmed when Paige’s hips start rolling into mine, our wet cunts grinding into each other harshly. As she groans, her clit angles against mine just right to make my back arch and eyes roll back.

“Look at me mama,” she pleads, hand coming to hold my cheek. My eyes flutter open and I see the blonde hovering over me, strands falling out of her bun and silver chains dangling over my face, her expression filled with ecstasy - the sight is almost enough to get me to come right there and then.

From the blonde’s face I can tell she feels the same, her movement picking up speed, the sounds of our dripping cunts rubbing together filling the car. I feel like I’m falling apart, every cell in my body on fire. Ever so observant, Paige’s fingers slide into mine, the affection behind the gesture making me lightheaded.

“I'm going crazy with love for you baby

I can't eat and I can't sleep”

I’m overcome with the desire to feel the weight of her lips, hands suddenly pulling Paige down into a sloppy slow kiss, taking turns moaning into each other’s mouths. I was holding my whole world in my hands, and that enough was making me throb, my climax building incredibly fast.

“I'm going down like a stone in the sea

No-one can rescue me”

Our noses nuzzling against one another, Paige is panting loudly, her movements beginning to turn sloppy and frantic.

“I love you,” she moans into my mouth, making me mewl in response, the emotions stirring within me were overwhelming and so incredibly real I could’ve cried. I love her, she loves me, Paige, Paige, Paige - that’s all I could think of.

“I love you,” I cry out, my legs trembling now. The blonde on top of me grabs my thigh, holding me still and open for her as her hips roll faster, even more wildly, shaking her head to herself, doing everything to keep going and coax me to the edge.

“I fucking love you Val,” she whimpers again, the words like an oath as I feel the coil in my stomach tighten, on the verge of snapping. Hearing her words makes a moan spill from my lips but she swallows it, pressing her lips onto mine.

“Baby, you’re gonna make me come,” I murmur against her lips, our noses pressed together as her clit brushes against mine, my eyes rolling back into my head. Paige’s eyes don’t close though, fighting to keep her gaze on me.

“Shit, I can’t wait I gotta come ma,” she whimpers, both hands gripping my hips now keeping me still. The blonde’s whole body’s shaking on top of me, muscles tired from the strain.

“Paige,” I whimper, feeling her other hand quickly return to mine to hold it.

“I got you baby, come with me.”

That’s enough to finally make the coil snap, my whole body trembling beneath the blonde in pleasure. I’m cocooned in her existence, her scent filling my nostrils, moans filling my ears, body weight on me as she kisses my open mouth desperately, our cunts grinding together in a haze as Paige reaches her orgasm.

“Oh, fuck Valerie,” she whines into my mouth, our noses pressed tight together as she squeezes my hand, waves of pleasure taking over our bodies. Everything was about her, the woman I loved on top of me. 

There’s a sound of heavy breathing between us. I feel Paige’s nose nuzzle into mine softly, lips pressing a tender kiss on mine - one that tells me everything I needed to know. She loves me.

“I love you,” I whisper, still holding her hand as I flutter my eyelids open and I’m met with those bright blue eyes.

“I love you so much,” she whispers back, kissing my forehead. My chest feels warm, swelling with affection towards the blonde on top of me.

“Valerie?”

I nod.

“I’m gonna take you home now,” she murmurs, peppering gentle kisses along my face. “And you’re gonna keep coming for me. Until you know how damn much I love you.”

-

Thank the Lord her roommates aren’t home is all I think of when I hear the mewl that Valerie lets out, hips squirming but I’m pinning them down as I lap her up, face buried into that perfect pussy I wanted to eat for the rest of my life if she let me. 

“No no no, P-” she whines, overstimulated but I keep going even more hungry now, loving the sounds coming out of her. If I had kept count right this was round 4 of the night, but I couldn’t stop. I needed Valerie to know how much I loved her, because I did. Every cell in my body loved her, worshipped her, would walk through fire for her.

“Baby please one more,” I whimper into her pussy, my face covered in her at this point, all of my hair falling out of the bun I wore earlier. The brunette is on her back, gripping my hair tight. She was pulling my face closer pretty hard for someone trying to get me to stop - seems like I knew what she needed better than she did.

“Too much,” Valerie cries, gasping as her body writhes beneath me. I pin her hips down harder, pressing my tongue flat against her and shaking my head. She looks so fucking gorgeous like that, sweat dripping down her neck, hair sticking to her face and back arched, perfect face scrunched up in pleasure. 

“I love you baby,” I coo, grabbing hold of her hand gripping the sheets, intertwining my fingers with hers. I squeeze, grounding her. This had been our routine all night - one of us too overstimulated and the other reminding why we were doing this. Because we were utterly, completely in love with each other.

My tongue rolls over her clit making the girl’s legs shake around my head and suddenly she’s coming again, my mouth working hard to bring her over the edge. 

“I love you,” Valerie moans as she comes. I had quickly come to the realisation that it was my favourite sound in the entire world. 

“Perfect girl,” I murmur, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and sliding back up to crash next to the trembling girl.

“You’re tryna kill me huh?” Valerie asks, her voice shaking as she pulls a blanket over her naked body. Grinning, I pull the brunette against my side, kissing her temple. 

“Just tryna love you mama,” I say, sniffing the familiar scent of coconut on her hair. My words make her giggle and fuck, it melts my heart. Immediately I kiss her temple again. I felt as if my heart could burst out of mere love. I had never felt anything close to this, there was no such euphoria in the world than loving Valerie - my Valerie.

Her big brown eyes turn to look at me, and I can’t fight the sigh that escapes my lips. My gaze roams her face, taking in each detail. The round cheeks, pouty full lips, small nose and those damn doe eyes that drove me insane. She was easily the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. I would make this right, do anything to keep her in my life. No more fucking around, this was it.

Loving her came naturally, almost accidentally. From that first time I kissed her after making her come, to all the rules I broke for her since, the girls I blocked and left behind, it was so shockingly easy. The way I wasn’t panicking right now - the way my body and mind felt completely at peace holding the brunette girl in my arms. Holding my whole world.

“You’re so beautiful,” Valerie whispers, her eyes watching over my features. My cheeks flush pink, a smile growing on my face.

“Nothing compared to you,” I respond, my hand brushing through her golden brown hair. “But Val…?” I carefully ask, making her brows furrow in confusion.

“Y-yeah?” She carefully asks as I take a deep breath.

“I need to take you on a date. A real one, okay?”

Suddenly she hits me over my arm - not hard but enough to sting. 

“Hey!” I yelp, rubbing the skin.

“Dude! You freaked me out!” She yells, sitting up on the bed. 

“What?? How????”

Valerie rolls her eyes, looking at me mad. “The way you said it, what the hell is wrong with you!”

She pouts her lower lip and I swear it’s so cute it nearly makes me cry. She really had me wrapped around her little finger without a clue in the world.

Grinning, I poke her soft cheek, watching her. “Sorry I worded that bad as hell.”

“I thought you were gonna tell me something bad,” Valerie murmurs, her face changing from mock anger to real concern. I sit up on the bed, confused.

“Like I dunno, I thought you were gonna say you don’t wanna be with me or don’t actually love me or something.”

I’m speechless, my heart breaking into a million pieces. I had fucked her over even worse than I realised if she felt like I was able to do that. I could never, ever say any of those words. I wanna punch my previous self, reflecting on what an asshole I had been towards the girl I loved.

“Baby… You don’t have to worry ‘bout that trust,” I murmur and place a careful hand on her arm. I try to chase her gaze but she looks everywhere but my eyes.

“How can I be sure? What if you change your mind?”

I pull her into a tight embrace, smoothing over her hair. It feels impossible for me to think I’d ever change my mind about her. It was as if the feelings I’d pushed aside all these months all came to me at once now that I allowed them. I didn’t know what the future might hold for me, for us - hell, I was about to leave for the league soon, my entire life was bound to change. But I was hellbent on figuring out a way for this to work. Because all of a sudden it was impossible to even imagine a life without the brunette in my arms - craziest part of all was that the idea of spending eternity with her didn’t scare me.

“Not about this, not about you Val,” I tell her, my naked body holding her, bare skin touching. “You got no idea what kinda power you got over me,” I admit, pressing a kiss into Valerie’s hair. There was no going back for me anymore.

The brunette nods, eyeing my face for any hint of dishonesty - there was none. 

“C’mere,” I murmur, leaning against the headboard of the bed and making space for her between my legs. As she’s about to straddle me I shake my head, signalling with my hand for her to flip around.

“Other way, c’mon.”

“Paige, what-”

“Just trust me baby.”

The brunette obedient as ever sits between my legs, her back pressing to my chest as I wrap my hands around her petite body from behind. The reflection of us in the mirror, the way my body is enveloping her in my arms makes a warmth spread all over me. I watch over Valerie’s naked figure, goosebumps rising on her skin as I drag my other hand over her breast, thumb gently brushing against the hard nipple. The girl in my arms lets out a shaky breath, face completely flushed in the mirror.

“Paige… you said that was the last one earlier,” she whispers, voice shaking slightly as my eyes are locked onto her reflection, watchful for every reaction as my hands caress her skin from behind. Taking my time to run them along her arms, the skin of her sides, up her stomach to her breasts. I could’ve kept going all day, my arousal growing with each second.

“One more,” I answer back, voice merely audible as my fingertips reach to her thighs, gently fondling the skin there. “Gotta get it in your head how much I love you ma.”

The brunette’s cheeks burn hotter, her eyes fluttering shut as I pry her legs open with careful hands, the wetness between her legs making her glisten in the mirror. I was drunk off her, my eyes unable to look anywhere else but her dripping cunt.

“Look,” I say, my voice soft but authoritative enough for Valerie to know that it’s not a request. Her big brown eyes open, meeting mine in the mirror. I shake my head.

“Nuh uh, not at me, at yourself mama,” I murmur hoarsely, my right hand inching up her inner thigh, closing in on where she was visibly throbbing already. God that pussy really was perfect.

“Paige,” Valerie whines and I immediately shush her, pressing a kiss on her shoulder from behind her.

“I know I know I got you,” I coo, slowly bringing my fingertips to her swollen, red clit from the way it’d been manhandled all night. A light brush is enough to get the brunette trembling, watching the way my fingers move in a slow, sloppy circle against her folds. 

“So fucking pretty,” I praise, her wetness covering my hand. “It’s all mine, right?”

“Mhm,” she whines, hips squirming as I speed up a little, the wet sounds caused by my movements taking over the room once more.

“Tell me,” I whimper, kissing along her shoulder. “Tell me this pussy’s all mine.”

Valerie nods, nearly closing her legs on me but my other hand is quick to grab her thigh, prying them open again.

“It’s all yours,” she moans, throwing her head back to rest on my shoulder. I can’t look away from the way she looks in the mirror, muscles contracting, body squirming, neck exposed and tits perked up all for me. 

“I’m yours Paige.”

Her words make me moan out loud, unable to stop myself as I suddenly press two of my long fingers inside her, causing enough of a stretch to make her gasp.

“Fuck baby you’re all mine,” I groan, curling my fingers upwards from behind her, eyes locked onto the way her cunt is swallowing me up, gushing around me.

“Don’t stop that,” she whimpers desperately, legs trembling as I pick up my movements, fingertips pressing against the spongy tissue inside her. I could feel my own wetness pooling between my legs from the way she was falling apart for me.

My free hand grabs Valerie’s jaw, returning her face to view the mirror. “See that? So fucking pretty,” I groan, making her open her eyes. She watches herself, blushing from seeing the mess I’d made of her. “Need you to keep watching yourself baby,” I pant, letting go and reaching for the vibrator next to me. Valerie obeys, eyes locking onto my fingers pumping in and out of her furiously, the squelching sound overwhelming the room.

Sneaking my other hand around her waist, the buzzing of the toy surprises her but it’s the way I press it against her clit that gets her to start falling to pieces. The brunette’s eyes roll into her head, making me pull the vibrator off her. There was no way she was coming without seeing how fucking incredible she looked rolling off the edge.

“Don’t be stupid baby, watch,” I command, adding a third finger to really make her feel the stretch.

“No I can’t, I can’t,” Valerie moans, writhing in my arms and gasping for air.

“Watch.”

My tone is dominant, so much so that it makes Valerie’s eyes pop open and stare into the mirror as I return the blue wand to press against her clit. Immediately she starts gushing all over me, and I’m grateful for the towel we’d placed under us earlier.

“That’s it, that’s my good girl,” I coo into her ear, my cheek pressing against her head, feeling her pussy throbbing desperately around my fingers. It felt so good to call her mine, and to know it was true. No one else’s, my Valerie.

“Mmmhm, Paige I can’t,” she mewls, struggling badly to keep her eyes open - trying so hard to obey. Just the thought is nearly enough to make me come untouched.

“But you’re doing so good for me baby, need you to see how fucking pretty you look coming for me,” I praise, turning up the toy even higher, my legs wrapping around Valerie’s to keep them spread open.

“Oh fuck,” she writhes, gasping for air as my fingers pump even faster, filling her tight cunt. I could tell she was close, her fingers digging into my forearm.

“C’mon, so fucking pretty, my girl,” I murmur, staring at her in the mirror unsure where to look - her perfect face scrunched up in pleasure, tits sitting pretty on her body or the soaking cunt making even more of a mess on my fingers.

“P- I think I’m gonna-” she’s gasping, unable to finish her sentence.

“Watch your face baby, do it for me,” I moan, feeling the way she was squeezing my fingers which only spurs me on.

“Paige!” She cries out as the pleasure reaches its peak, her body squirming and eyes locked onto her reflection as she comes undone, the vibrator on her clit making her gush all over my fingers which are pounding into her relentlessly. I let out a moan, feeling the way she’s throbbing around me. I could never get tired of this.

She comes down quickly, pushing my hands away from her. I wanna press the toy against her again, hell even slide it inside her - but I can tell she’s completely, utterly fucked out. Turning off the toy I slip my fingers out, pressing gentle kisses and nibbles on her shoulder, now covered in red marks all done by me, marking what was mine.

“Okay, no more,” Valerie pants, wiping her sweaty forehead as she crashes back against me. I grin proudly, wiggling downwards so we’re lying down, the brunette turning in my arms so her front is pressed upon mine.

“You got it ma’am,” I smirk and kiss her forehead, arms wrapping around her tightly. She presses her head on my chest, humming contently. 

“So about that date… Lemme take you out this weekend,” I murmur against her hair. Valerie chuckles softly and moves her wide eyes to mine. 

“On an actual date?” She asks excitedly, and I nod unable to fight the smile growing on my face.

“It’s about time, don’t you think ma?” I ask, brushing the brunette strands of hair sticking to her forehead. Only now I notice how exhausted my body is, muscles strained and eyes nearly shutting from the lack of sleep I’d been getting.

“Fuck yeah it is,” Valerie hums, noticing the way I was nearly nodding of. “Are you sleeping here?”

I scoff loudly. “Course I am, watchu mean?”

“Well I dunno, you’ve never slept here before!” She says, voice rising defensively. She’s right though, I guess it wasn’t as obvious to her as it was for me.

I reach for the brunette’s chin and pull her into a tender kiss, nose nuzzling against hers.

“I wanna stay,” I say against her soft lips. “But we should shower first because you’re a mess.”

Valerie scoffs in mock offense, looking down at me.

“And whose fault is that?” She giggles that bright, perfect giggle that I adore, making me giggle too.

“All mine,” I say proudly, kissing her. She’s all mine now.

-

taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @wbbismypassion69 @bueckersfive @onlyhereforpazzi @lovegalor333 @frankoceanlvr303039 @angryflowerwitch@mamixdanni @rosemariiaa @d3arapril @vbueckers @sageworld @makethemhoesmad @sierrale8ne @oreo2sblog @slvt4her @julieloveswbb@vsz333 @faeries-posts @vamptizm @ellapurnellmybeloved @ivorygoal @onlyhereforpazzi @thelightknight21@paigeluvvr@absolutelydreadful@imamartini@lupinqs@authentic-girl03@isurpussygreen@xxloveralways14 @numberonepartyanth3m @pb524830

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 14

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

New book new book! Can you believe I am on book three already? Holy heck, time has flown by.

I thought I would switch up my tea process today with a new cup but also I wanted to show off my collection XD We bought some new and some refill teas from the ren faire yesterday (one of our favourite localish tea blenders) and what a collection my partner and I have amassed. I didn't realize how huge it was until I snapped the pic- it feels very at home apothecary LOL

I went with a lady grey latte and instead of my heart mug I was feeling the spooky vibes and and using my mug by Jaxx b. I have a few other handmade mugs I might start featuring because they are fun as heck!

I've rambled enough about my tea and mug let's get into this chapter!

okay right away bless MXTX for doing such a good job immediately place setting. We are in the demon realms! p9

oof. the energy between Luo BInghe and Shen Qingqiu is so uncomfortable right now. Neither of them saying anything. I am intrigued to see how they sort through this. I know they are end game but like- this is so awkward. p9

oh gosh. Luo Binghe 10000% modeled the room he is basically locking SQQ in after the Bamboo House. Yes SQQ, there most definitely is meaning in it being familiar. p10

So. LOL SQQ's rationale. Instead of "looking too much like a respectable woman kidnapped by a ruffian" p. 10 is to essentially play gay chicken?

RIP well, luo binghe did find out about the blood. so sexually charged though in the way he decided to find out. p11

How is Luo Binghe even surprised that after SQQ being treated this way that he requests that Luo Binghe never see him/see him as little as possible? What did he even expect would happen here?? p12 There is a lot of trust broken between these two.

oh? System feature upgrade? p13

LOL "luxury edition" p14 There must be fanfics about SQQ kept trophy husband

omg what kind of novels was SQQ's sister reading XD those are some wild fantasies. pp14-15

SQQ: "I will not have stockholm syndrome" okay buddy, we will see what happens with your 'luxury edition' p15

oh luo binghe, that sweet baby boy is having them plant bamboo and is cooking SQQ's meals.p16 this would be even cuter if they talked about things instead of having such a weird dynamic.

Jesus Christ. Shang Qinghua enters again. How does this man stealth so well when he is kind of an idiot? I feel like terrible decisions and bad luck follow him everywhere- but he is just slippery enough to get away. p17

LOL SQQ: Your protagonist turned gay. Shang Qinghua: eh, it's fine as long as I'm not the love interest. sucks to be you. p18

okay but I want to know how deep the info of this world goes. Where does it pool the information to generate everything- just published content OR is it everything and anything Airplane thought about or created (ie the lost computer files about Luo Binghe's dad) p19

uuuugh not another interruption- I feel for you SQQ, I too want to know what he was going to say about your tragic backstory in the original edit. p22

Airplane really said 'no homo' "That man of yours is here. Let's do it later- wait, I mean let's chat later" p22

okay okay okay! The boys are talking for real about their mutual deception of one another. Is this the path to them figuring their shit out?? Maybe they will talk about their trust issues. p23

Okay I am with Luo Binghe on this- it did feel as though SQQ completely did a 180 on fundamental life beliefs RE: no one is inherently evil because of their race. p23. So I understand Luo Binghe here- I am glad they are talking.

OMG pp24-25

well. that escalated quickly LOL pp24-25

Luo Binghe probably "hit me harder daddy shizun" p26 +500 satisfaction points.

is Luo binghe going to assault him 😭😭😭😭 this is not it. that was not cool that entire part was so gross "If shizun see's me as no better than a beast either way, I might as well live up to expectations" p27

thank fuck all of that was interrupted, but also now i'm deeply concerned for SQQ!!!! is it the other demon blood? Is it past (young SQQ) trauma?? What's happening?? (no one actually answer this I 1000% know it will be resolved in due time, but I am having a panic about the guy).

Well that's not good at all

this was one rollercoaster of an opening act omg. Not a good time for everyone involved at the end there. I am VERY glad SQQ was not assaulted but I am SRESSED now for other reasons.

[lord-montgomery]

any new sizzy thoughts or rambles

so one of my mutuals is reading tmi for the first time, right. they're on cog and just sent a message today, joking fondly about 'isabelle's need to tell everyone she meets that she's kissed simon' whichhh of course sent me on a bit of a sizzy spiral.

now, i can think of two times when izzy somewhat offhandedly mentions to a group that her and simon have kissed--once in the seelie court in coa, and again at the penhallow's house in cog. and idk i just think it's interesting the way she does this, slips it into the conversations, treating it like it's no big deal despite the fact that her bringing it up shows that clearly it was meaningful enough for her to still be thinking about it.

on the one hand, you could say it's just because she likes simon and enjoyed kissing him and can't help the reminders, or you could say it's her territorial tendencies peaking through early (in the case of the mention in cog), but i don't think either of these are quite the case.

we know isabelle is very public when it comes to her promiscuity, with her dating history filled with guys her parents wouldn't approve of, but the thing she keeps bringing up about simon was quite literally only a kiss. one kiss. hardly noteworthy in the grand scheme of things. what it was, though, was private.

as far as we know, izzy's outburst in the seelie court is the first time anyone outside of her or simon learned about the kiss they'd shared. it wouldn't have made sense for simon to mention it to clary when he was (a) actively trying to be with her or (b) dating her. and i think it must have become this sort of.. accidental secret. and it wasn't worth talking about on izzy's side because nothing came of it. but the longer no one talked about it, the more it must have itched.. because what isabelle is used to keeping private and guarded is her heart, not her romantic entanglements. they are two different spheres for her. if the secret grew any more, she might have problems and start accidentally conflating whatever she felt about simon and that kiss with actual feelings, which yeah absolutely not no thank you.. so she takes the chance in the seelie court to make the kiss public knowledge.

when she mentions the kiss in cog, though, it's like stupid random. there's no reason for it in the conversation, nor should there be any internal need for her to put the information out there like there might have been before her comment in the seelie court. BUT. the context we do have is that jace has just called simon unique. hello alarms in izzy's head. unique unique no simon's not unique. in fact he's so not unique that i kissed him, just like i kiss everybody.. *proceeds to blurt out that she kissed him once* all of this, of course, presenting itself because simon is unique, and not just because he's a daylighter. and at least some part of isabelle knows that, which is why she would feel the need to put up immediate defenses, to obviate the distance she's holding him at by keeping him in the more physical romantic entanglements sphere.

[welcomingdisaster]

Ok so I’m rotating ideas about elves and mythology and decided to drop some ramblings in your ask box because of all the wonderful theatre-related thoughts you’ve been sharing!! The thing is that the silm is a mythology right. Like it’s written in that style, and the heroes of LoTR and the later Ages in general are always explicitly looking back to the stories of the First Age (see: Aragorn wanting to cosplay Beren and Lúthien with Arwen). But what were the myths, the cultural stories, of the Elves of the First Age? In Tirion what were the stories that Maglor might write a play retelling or subverting, that Elemmírë might make a new song about, that Míriel might have woven into a tapestry? All cultures have ancient myths – but these characters are a) living at the very dawn of the world, and b) are all going to become mythological figures themselves! It makes me a bit insane. My thoughts are that they told a lot of stories about the war the Valar made on Melkor, and also about Cuivienen and the awakening of the elves, but honestly I don’t KNOW. What do you think? (No pressure to answer this is very random I realise) ❤️❤️

NO I love these thoughts!!! My thoughts generally go along the same vein as yours in terms of the general themes of elven myths. Here are some possibilities I imagine:

Whichever continent the elves in question are not seeing is often the center of the stories. The Sindar and Avari in middle-earth myth-make a lot about the lands in the west; the Eldar in Valinor myth-make about middle-earth. Since we're talking about Elemmírë, Míriel, and Maglor I'll stick to the latter.

I imagine there's aways the pervasive idea of secret Ainur no one has discovered yet. No matter how many times the Valar go "no we promise we're all here in Valinor, there's no other Valar left" there's 100% an elf somewhere going "have you heard about the Vala of bogs? yeah they live in middle earth and they're in charge of all the bogs there and if you aren't careful you'll be stuck serving in their bog court"

Not to mention elves who know Aulë and have heard that his people sleep under the earth, waiting for their time to awake. I'm sure for some elves tell it as simply that, but over time another pervasive myth develops -- stories of great dwarven kingdoms under the earth, kingdoms they're barred from seeing, stories of seven great dwarven kings, each much like Aule in face, each possessing a specific sort of magic.

Imin, Tata, Enel, etc! Not only do we canonically get them as a counting story, I imagine their fates are also something that ends up being talked about? They do not seem like they ever ended up in Valinor -- what happened to them? I feel like elven stories can tend to go along the lines of "and then he turned into a tree" or "he still dwells by the sea where he was born" or "he fell into the cracks of the mountains during the war and became one with the earth."

Myth as a way to explore cultural taboos! Elves coming to Valinor, a land with no pain or crime, with the shadows of war and suffering behind them -- I imagine they must explore taboo and pain through storytelling. What happens to an elf that leaves his wife for another? What happens to an elf who poisons her sister? I imagine there's some gruesome/creepy stories that come out there, but are told with a naïveté to the actual truth of what violence looks like. Something along the lines of "and then the servants of Melkor hacked the elven king into bits, so his wife had to go looking for each piece of him in every corner of the world and sew them back together"

The sea!! Must I say more. The elves emerged from the sea, and they long for it -- yet they cannot go too far into the waves without drowning, and they do not know what lurks under the waves. I imagine myths centering around sea-creatures, around the souls of the drowned, around elves (mer-elves?) who never left the sea and make their kingdoms underneath the waters, etc.

Just some ideas!! If anyone else wants to contribute headcanons for early elf myths to his post, please do!

[lycanr0t]

if you'd like to share your thoughts on gay trans man marcille i'd love to read them and/or see your art of him! (no pressure of course!)

oh man will I share my thoughts dfjkh I was maybe going to eventually make a post to ramble about it but this gives me the perfect excuse to now :J

This ranting WILL have spoilers for anime only fans/ppl who haven't finished the manga!

Marcille is interesting to read as a gay trans man though. Because how I see it, during the events of the manga he would not know he's trans! Or at most, he would maybe have some Gender Feelings but he wouldn't really understand it yet.

To me, Marcille is the type who would at first do everything in his power to deny it/convince himself he isn't trans. I think he would have a fair bit of internalized transphobia just as a result of his fairly rigid way of going about things. He has specific standards for himself especially but also for others.

This is where my gay trans man headcanon for Falin comes in lol.

Not for romance reasons specifically, but because I think the way Marcille treats Falin when looked at through the lens of Marcille being a trans egg is especially interesting.

For my Falin headcanon, I see Falin as a gay trans man as well, but I think that he wouldn't be out to Marcille until after the events of the manga. This is very integral to how I view Marcille's gender discovery happening.

I think that during the time they're in school together, Marcille would have feelings for Falin that are confusing. In Marcille's mind they're both girls, so he must just be a girl into girls, right? Meanwhile Falin performs girl wrong and this challenges Marcille's worldview. Marcille cares for Falin, and this manifests as Marcille trying to 'help' Falin perform girl better. Basically, Marcille doubling down on his currently held beliefs of what gender is and how it functions instead of considering that it may not be that simple, and he and/or Falin may not be a girl. Falin I think would not bring up being trans for a few reasons but primarily that boy is just not big on conflict with people especially those he cares for.

But anyways. A perfect example of Marcille forcing his idea of correct gender performance being in a daydream hour page where Falin is drawn with short hair, and Marcille is visibly pretty upset by it. (I don't have the translated image but here it is)

I know that it seems like a small thing that doesn't hold much weight, and it's not technically canon but trans mens hair is often something that people feel that they need to control. A girl cutting her hair short is seen as this horrible, unacceptable thing. Now again, obviously Falin doesn't canonically cut his hair short, but the fact that Marcille would be upset and specifically wants it long again informs us about his view of these things. I think that hair being useful for magic would end up being a justification for both being upset by the concept of Falin with short hair, and a justification to himself on why he is not allowed to experiment with shorter hair. It's more practical for his line of work/study, so it's a perfect excuse to just never think about if he TRULY loves it long or if he is just doubling down on performing what's expected of him.

Marcille is a KING of appearing way more uptight than he is. He's very by the books, very strict seeming about doing magic right, but he also specifically primarily has interest in the most taboo magic. He's the loudest about complaining about eating monsters, but he's also the first one to outright say that if they have to eat demihumans then so be it. Marcille is full of contradicting feelings and actions and I think he's prone to trying to fit into what people expect but his heart isn't fully in it so he still ends up doing the unexpected as well.

Even after the manga, Marcille has lost his desire to take care of his hair but he honestly doesn't seem... that upset by it? He is upset, sure, but for something that appeared to be a pretty big thing for him he accepts it shockingly smoothly. Almost as if perhaps, it's a relief to have an excuse to try something different. To try shorter hair maybe? Because now he has an excuse other than doing gender 'wrong'. It would feel safer to explore.

Aand I have a TON of other thoughts but this is getting pretty long and I'm losing track of my thoughts SO I'm going to drop a small list of some other random half formed thoughts I think about in relation to Marcille being a gay trans man

marcille being half elf half tallman and the parallel between that and being trans and how when you're trans you're alienated and isolated. in society's eyes youre not fully a man, not fully a woman, you're both and neither and othered in a complicated way

everyone assuming marcilles wish is to become 'full elf' also is interesting to compare to the experience of people viewing being trans as 'wishing you were X gender' in a very binary way

marcille asking if his dad is pregnant in a flashback just feels like something a trans egg kid would say

marcilles overall attachment to his father tbh.

marcille being super into romance novels and specifically his succubus presenting as a pretty boy from his novels. Obviously this can be read romantic or whatever but I know personally a lot of characters I was obsessed with as a child that I thought was romantic attraction turned out to be a combination of attraction and wanting their gender expression. I think it's interesting to read into marcille's interest in romance novels as him finding a 'safe' way to explore his attraction to men and desire to be a man without actually acknowledging that directly. (a lot of irl gay trans men do similar before they realize theyre gay trans men!)

Aaand that's my thoughts for now lmao. Here's some pen doodles I did while figuring out how I wanted to draw post-canon marcille :> Still working on figuring him out but I like how these look! I like the idea of him having some facial hair (not very long as elves seem to not be able to grow much body hair) and probably cutting his hair so it's more shoulder length and a bit easier to manage!

[scapegoated-if]

im not saying this in a "i want Leon as an RO" way, i just wanted to babble and i hope this doesnt feel pressuring bc that is not what i want to do. i just wanted to share

but yeah i do enjoy daydreaming about him and my MC being very affectionate towards each other. just Leon feeling generally misunderstood (at least thats the vibe he gives off to me), but feeling like at least MC tries to understand him and generally succeeds with the efforts, esp if she loaned him the book. just casually leaning on her, or being quietly obnoxious by shifting his legs to be in her lap; taking her with to museums; being, not upset with the band's hiatus, but by not getting the promise to see MC reguarly and work with her; promising to call or send post-cards, maybe them being a bit of a Daisy and Simone with that "map of the world" monolog from Daisy Jones & The Six. but also if he wrote some unrequited love songs about the MC, i wouldnt be surprised, gotta give the Leon simps something in this measly hc scenario of mine i guess lmao

i think part of it being (a) really ironic for Vince to potentially be in love with someone who is "like Leon's kid sister", or just being easily charmed by her platonically yet repelled be Leon if his affection is non-romantic. i like the idea that Vince and Leon can never agree on anything besides the MC being good company. i think part of the allure is that, knowing the murders coming up and i assume MC being targetted at one point, under that daydream's scenario, that thered be the potential for a Leon-Vince truce under the name of worrying about her and wanting to see if she's okay

and (b) is because it immediately sets up this assumption that MC is usually their mediator (personality depending, but my MC definitely would have been). therefore, giving more credit to the assumptions the MC is sleeping with the band/breaking them up, and also setting up further How Done with this Vincent must be if none of the MC's usual peacekeeping has worked. and the MC does kind of act, narratively, like "part of why the band broke up" if both Vincent and Leon are in any way clingy or jealous in a "no, she's MY best friend" manner

and (c) is in case Leon dies. idk if you ever watched the show, Fraggle Rock from Jim Henson, but there's an episode where all the Fraggles mistakenly think Mokey died. and Red is just in shock going "No! No, she can't be dead! She isn't! She can't be dead because she's my best friend! She's my best friend!" before she found out Mokey is actually okay. and i think thatd be my MC's reaction to Leon dying due to all these hcs i do

for the record, i am also trying to come with hcs around my MC and Shiloh too, but im having more trouble with him, idk why though

but yeah, again, this isnt meant to be like "can MC and Leon be like this? 👉👈" bc i find that rude to request, you wrote what you wrote, i dont want to ask you to change things. im aware Leon's current distance with the MC in-game very much makes all my hcs into an au. i just like sharing my hcs for the sake of letting you know, in detail, how much this game's set up is already running rent free in my brain (lol) and bc, if i dont share with someone, im just gonna info-dump on my mama later probably and she deserves a break (ergo: need to vent this ramble somewhere, and i thought youd enjoy it the most)

if you want help replying to this (bc im aware it may be hard to besides a "nice!" lmao), id love to know some of Leon's actual opinion of the hiatus and his bandmates, since Leon himself isnt saying much to Bobby or anyone in-game (fair of him to be distant and avoid it, but also im nosy)

regardless, i hope youre having a nice day!!

Hi! I got the impulse to respond, but I don't know where to start.

Leon is tricky and it's hard to truly grasp an understanding of who he is in the Prologue and that was entirely my intention. Even though I want you guys to recognise a sense of familiarity with the band, I don't want you to know them yet. So I do find the different interpretations of Leon--that I have seen so far--really interesting. They haven't been insanely different, but they haven't been the same.

As for Leon's opinion of the hiatus, you will find out in Chapter 1! That conversation is had and was BREWING, believe me. I won't spoil a lot of it but it's not directly had between MC and Leon, there are different characters you'll hear from too. This scene is currently where I am in the writing process for Chapter 1 coincidentally.

I want to say more but everything I want to say is essentially spoiling what will come up in the story. I need to finish Chapter 1 soon, because keeping things to myself is excruciating--I don't even give my best friends spoilers because I don't want to ruin the immersion for them when they're beta testing my first drafts. I'm unwell

[frownyalfred]

okay the extent to which your amazing fucking fics are possibly infecting every corner of my brain now is starting to get legitimately concerning,,, which isn't actually news, but what IS new is the way i looked at that one BvS gif you just blogged yesterday?? and IMMEDIATELY saw the facial expression ben affleck made and went "WOMAN!!!"

....LOOK MAYBE I'M THE CRAZY ONE HERE, I GET IT OKAY but like,, something about that bitchy expression where you just KNOW he's saying the pettiest fucking line just then?!?! i swear on my life i have NEVER seen a cis man's face do that before, with the CLOSEST approximation i possibly would have thought anybody with a Y chromosome was capable of [before seeing that gif] being the sort of expressions drag queens do. (i hope that doesn't sound too weird/dismissive — not to go off on too much of a tangent, but i could probably write At Least one essay on why it's okay to admit that drag as an art form is not really an accurate depiction of femininity, AS LONG AS you acknowledge that drag is still Absolutely a beautifully, passionately written love letter TO the concept of femininity that fully deserves the appreciation it gets; but this is still not what i'm actually here to talk about lol)

okay yeah ANYWAYS that gif just absolutely SOLD me on the concept of bruce as an omega, and i'm saying this as someone who literally already has an omega!bruce WIP!! like, i've always thought the core philosophy behind batman tends to make him unintentionally very female-coded (and i must confess, i'm really curious to see whether you already have an opinion on this lol) in many different ways, but this is the first time i've seen/heard ANY GUY, let alone a batman actor with the right physicality to be batman, pull of this specific look, so i guess i'm just... shocked to be vindicated??? idk lol but i wanted to share so hope u at least enjoyed my manic ramblings a little bit <3 -krish

Batfleck is pretty! I've been saying that for years! He's this very intriguing mix of pure Batman physicality like you mentioned (man is canonically bigger than Clark in BVS) but also so beautiful and downright mesmerizing in certain close-ups on his face. Plush lips, high cheekbones, big, shining eyes? On Batman?? Sign me up!!

People laughed at me when I specifically started a coral room in the BVS universe, because I know most superbat a/b/o fics generally use a smaller, more omega-typical Bruce (which isn't bad!). But I wanted to challenge the trope stereotype by still having large, muscular Bruce lean into those more feminine moments like you mentioned -- it's an interesting contrast, seeing him hold so much space and power yet as soon as he makes eye contact with Clark, it's almost...sensual.

I think there are a lot of interesting stereotypical female roles Batman as a character unintentionally fulfills. He's the head of a family, the emotional center, the one adopting children, the one reassuring them. The fun I'm having with a sky of honey is just letting Bruce name these behaviors for what they are, in universe -- attempts at fulfilling his instincts that he keeps trying to curtail or avert entirely.

(gif in question below for those who are curious)

[camilaxmartin]

gonna put them emoji’s again💀😭 so it would be: 🥑🍬🌸🐝🎨🍄

I love using these TOTALLY USEFUL emoji’s so I picked em🥰

you don’t use avocado/bee/mushroom everyday? what are you even doing?🙄

BUT ANYWAY

🥑: you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

probably @bunnylove1 and @blookyag, idk why tho honestly, just getting the vibes they’d help somebody out with hiding the body💀 (it’s a compliment, i swear-)

🍬: post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character:

okay uhh- (don’t cancel me plz) i respect with my whole heart that alastor is asexual and (?) aromantic but i don’t get the hate people receive when shipping him with someone? as far as i know being on the spectrum means he can still date? like i know, he doesn’t show any interest in that but if its just for a silly au or for a cool drawing then what’s the fuss about? i’m not talking like about erasing that part of him because that’s a big no no for me, but like…? respecting it but still having fun with his character? i saw a great tiktok explaining my thoughts exactly so maybe i’ll link it here if i can find it (add the link here later camila:) (besides all that i project a lot of myself onto alastor (still debating if im aromantic or not) and i want to explore myself with his character (if i can even phrase it that way) so all the hate and shit really bother me, you know?)

(another thing more about whole thing not a character is that “whatever it takes” is in my top 4 songs and i don’t get the hate it gets?? i love this song?? it’s so great?? two latina (?) girls singing together?? cmon??)

🌸: do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them:

i do actually! i have a dog and three rats:) (also had a rabbit but he died not so long ago and he was like my whole world so i got a tattoo to remember him, i’ll add it as well just because i can)

🐝: tag your biggest supporters and say one nice thing about them:

@kimmyisachiisaiakuma - ugh of course?? like in my head we are already besties fr fr, what can i saaaay😭 idk i love you and how supportive and just friendly you are!!:) and god of course, i love your art?? but i’ve already said it a thousand times??? so here’s one thousand first??

@bunnylove1 - just how supportive you are towards my stuff and how with exactly one request i felt like we also became besties? maybe it’s just me but yeah😭

@blookyag - liking my every post and responding to every single one of them!!! she’s a treasure, really. i’m surprised someone cares about my rambling this much💀

@informist - i’ve noticed that she’s also reacting to a lot of my stuff and she’s so quick with it like?? idk it makes my heart jump okay? i love attention from people even when it’s just my stupid rambling😭 (#iamanattentionwhore 😗😗)

@rougecreator1 - liked a lot of my posts as well, and somehow i feel like they enjoy my stuff? idk tho?😭😭 yeah just noticed interactions in my activities:)

@riveramorylunar - i feel like we were more active on each other’s accounts when i was still in my lady lesso era, but idk i really liked you then and i still love seeing your stuff pop up on my main page:)

and of course, all of my lovely anons who send me their ideas that i can’t wait to write!!:)

🎨: link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it:

okay so like it changes every day?? but for now i must say this one:

click!

why? simple. a. brokerdoll b. the marvellous style? c. i want to draw like that d. just… just look at it okay? e. lesbians.

(and a special mention for THIS as well, as it’s the first time someone ever drawn my oc and besides the fact that she looks so pretty here it’s just… idk i just love it okay, she stole my heart)

🍄: share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings:

let’s start with the fact that i even have a favourite account for all the headcanons about brokerdoll which is @vypridae (adore all the hcs, really)

buut! my personal headcanon is:

• carmilla didn’t really expect to fall for velvette, i mean in my head she just saw her as so… respectless and dumb and stupid and careless and carefree and wild and free and pretty- wait

yeah, so in my head velvette was the first to initiate anything and at first carmilla was like “ha! no way, you stupid girl” but then she started to think more and more about velvette as the time went on and one day she just got along the fact that she might be attracted to the young overlord and somehow… went with it? like she didn’t make a big deal out of it… but velvette definitely did, despite the fact she was actually the first one to say or act on her attraction in any way.

(i need to write more headcanons for them, they’re literally eating up my brain)

[weekend-whip]

This is a writing question more than an ask but how do you handle lore dumps???? Your AU is so full of em and you handle them so gracefully. I’m here stuck on a chapter because my MC really really needs to have Information in order to Progress, but having Character B explain it to him is so tedious??? It reads like a rant!! I want the information to flow smoothly for readers, but it needs to be given all at once because it’s Plot Relevant. Any advice is a godsend 🙏

Well, 90% of my "lore dumping" is done via conversation to some degree—whether it be one character happening to be knowledgeable during a particular situation, two characters sharing a personal discussion with each other, or round-robin getting a whole group up to speed on a subject. It just never reads as a "lore dump" because a) there's also character dynamics being dispersed amongst the information, and b) there's more to the scene than just the information itself, even if the information is still the most important part. And that's still true even if dialogue isn't your go-to method for info deliverance!

All right, here we go, spit-balling rambles here!

You can still have Character B outright explain things to the MC, but to avoid it being "ranty", the easiest thing to do would be to have the MC react to what's being said to break up the monotony with how they're feeling about it, or even questions about what's being told to them. And having the MC asking questions has the added bonus of allow different ways for Character B to offer information, instead of going through the points like a check list. Character B could respond to points the MC brings up, questions the MC had the Character B hadn't even considered, the MC mentioning something that jogs something else to mind for Character B to bring up—anything that isn't just "MC, you must know this: [word words words words]". Make sure there's a push and pull, give and take with the information, rather than, well, all push or all give—THAT is what will ultimately help with your flow.

(...though I dunno if the characters are in, like a "time crunch"/urgent situation at this point in time, hence why Character B would be divulging everything at once in a bombshell rant—but if that is the case, at least you'd have the excuse for doing so! That being said, you'd have to counterbalance this by limiting the amount of info that's being given, because otherwise that's going to make the "ranting" even more obvious and harder for a reader to get invested in gfdsgfd)

And also, assumedly, your audience is learning this information just the same as your MC is—think about the questions your audience might consider about the lore too, and use the MC as a way to add those extra clarifications as well! I tend to use Kai for this a lot haha

Or, if you don't want to go the "direct" route via conversation/dialogue and want to switch it up, you could have a mention of the MC learning the info from Character B offscreen, then jump right to them either mulling over everything they've learned to themselves or someone else (flavored up by their own personal thoughts about it) or by them already putting the info into practice with some reflection throughout. This is probably a little less effective strategy for a written story than something like a movie or tv show, but if your first way isn't working out, try restructuring it like this anyway! If nothing else, you can reverse engineer what the most important bits of the info you really want the MC to take away in this instance in time (or at least what's most relevant for the moment/situation at hand), thus shortening the amount of time Character B has to spend "ranting" in the first place. Or, maybe it'll give you another idea of how to frame the information!

Also, try to give a reason for why this information is suddenly being shared right now (again, if this isn't some kind of "MC I have to tell you all this NOW before it's too laaaaate!" kind of scenario. Sure, there's always "you'll need this to progress on your quest" or the overall whatever else may be going on, but think on a smaller scale—what in the moment causes the topic to come up now?

For example –using my own story here because I wrote it and I know my own thought process lmao– Lloyd starts explaining about the Moon's Triad holiday in B2Ch41 because Acidicus comes to him with concerns for how the associated traditions are affecting the Serpentine's plans going forward. Miranda discusses how the Aftershock Ability functions to Jesse in B2Ch45 because Jesse's been trying to figure out why it happened to begin with. And Wu and Garmadon's whole discussion in B2Ch36 is mostly stuff that they both mutually know for the most part —yet is shared regardless for the audience's benefit—but to avoid falling into an "As you know" back-and-forth trap, it's also framed by Wu trying to catch up Garmadon on things he's missed, with their mutual information being used as anchoring context for Garmadon, so it's there for a character purpose as well. Basically killing two birds with a stone there.

Yet when the lore dump is large enough to warrant, like, half a chapter's worth of dedication *eyes B2Ch31*, sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and go all-in with an outright dump for utmost clarity—but that doesn't meant you can't dress it up or have fun with it! Like, for the Elemental Compass explanation, I literally have Jesse pull out a whiteboard and marker and make everyone sit in a circle to learn sjhgffd–I make fun of the fact that I know this is going to be a big chunk of info to take in for everybody, and using some of the techniques mentioned above, I'm able to break down all my main points I want delivered all while preventing Jesse from just throwing out text blocks in an unnatural, not-fun-to-read fashion. So, that could be an approach for you too!

Ah, how to phrase this...as long as there's dynamism in the deliverance of the information, that'll save it from reading as stale. Even if at the end of the day it really is just two people standing around talking at each other (or one at the other)—if there's action and reactions, emotions, an established point of it all to begin with (as opposed to sudden information for information's sake), and that push/pull + give/take as discussed, you should be able to get your point across in a way that's entertaining for reader's just fine~

Anyway, I hope at least even a sentence of this made sense and was even minutely helpful! Good luck breaking through your block; I'm rooting for you! ^-^)/

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Sylki Season 2 Thoughts.

So I said in my earlier post that I wanted to talk about some of ep 5's moments in a bit more depth, honestly most of the moments I wanted to talk about were Sylki moments, yeah I know one track mind. I know that a lot of fans are feeling disappointed with the Sylki content we've gotten so far this season and I get it, there is a huge tonal difference to Sylki's relationship in season 2 than in season 1. In season 1 they had that playful banter and alot of cute moments and this season its angst with an extra topping of miscommunication and a side of awkward tension. I'm not here to tell anyone how they should or shouldn't feel about Sylki this season I'm just going to share my own thoughts and feelings.

I personally have enjoyed the content we've been getting for Sylki this season, even though its a very different dynamic to season 1, I do think it makes sense for where they are in their relationship after season 1's finale. When I was thinking about their moments in ep 5 that I wanted to talk about though I thought hmm you know what would be really fun, to kind of break down and analyse Sylki's journey so far this season. So that's what this post is going to be now instead of focusing only on ep 5, I figured I would share my thoughts on the season as a whole so far in preparation for the finale. Now fair warning this did get long as I have way too many thoughts about Sylki couples with just a slight obsession. So I am going to put the rest under a read more link, obviously there are spoilers for the whole season.

Going back to ep 1 of this season, we pick up right after the citadel and Loki is having this problem with the time-slipping. But what really got me was how frantic Loki was when it came to Sylvie. He was constantly rambling about how he didn't know where she was and was instantly concerned when Dox showed an interest in her, he wanted to know who Dox was and what she wanted with Sylvie. Even his own issue with the time-slipping came second to him wanting to know if Sylvie was ok, when he hears that Dox is cleaning out the armoury and thinks she is going after Sylvie, he was ready to drop everything right there to go and protect Sylvie from Dox. He had to be reminded by Mobius that they only had one shot to fix the time-slipping and even then it was only when B-15 said she would deal with Dox and he knew someone would be helping Sylvie that he focused back on the task at hand. Which brings me to that moment right before Loki slips to the future and sees Sylvie, he goes to say something to Mobius, talking about if he doesn't make it back. Now maybe I'm just projecting here but I can't help but wonder if Loki was going to ask Mobius to find and look out for Sylvie if Loki didn't make it back. Just because it did come right after he was ready to march out of there to protect Sylvie from Dox, it seems to me that Loki's mind was very much on Sylvie and her safety at that moment so it would make sense to me that he would want to have a back up plan for someone to protect Sylvie if something went wrong and he couldn't do it himself.

Then we get that moment when Loki is in the future TVA and he sees Sylvie in the elevator. That moment was just so beautiful and yet so sad at the same time. I mean as I said above Loki was frantic this entire episode whenever he spoke about Sylvie, his concern for her was obvious. Then there's this moment where everything kind of slows down and he see Sylvie, he knows that this is the future and he can see that not only is she ok but she is looking for him and is both relieved and pleased to see him. This is the first time he is seeing her since their fight at the citadel and I think this must have kind of blown his mind because after the way they parted he must have assumed she would hate him and never want to see him again and yet here she is happy to see him.

He is so relieved to see her safe and ok that he starts to cry. I think in that moment he just gets so overwhelmed by his feelings, all he's wanted all episode was to know Sylvie was ok and now he can see that she is but it is at that moment that he gets pruned and is ripped away from her again. Also worth noting that Loki is aware that he is on a time limit here, he needs to prune himself within that allocated time or he'll be lost and yet in that moment the sight of Sylvie makes him forget all of that, his entire focus becomes her. And even after all of that, when he finally makes it back safely the first thing he says is that they need to find Sylvie.

I think seeing that Sylvie was looking for him actually gave Loki some hope, he thought she would hate him but she was actually looking for him in the future, she was the one seeking him out and I think that little spark of hope is what drives Loki in the first half of episode 2. Just like in episode 1 Loki's main focus is on Sylvie, as Brad says he's become obsessed with finding her. He still has that impatient panicked air about him as they search for her.

But here is where we hit the first bump in the rocky road ahead. Here's something to know about me, I love angsty plotlines in romantic couples. Like with all my favourite couples when I go back and watch my favourite scenes its always the angsty ones I go to, what I love about those plots in the anticipation of the reunion, the moment they finally come back together again. But having invested in more than one angsty pairing and have learned that the journey to the reunion is usually one step forward and three steps back. Our first step forward was the moment when we learned that in the future Sylvie will be looking for Loki and will be happy to see him, the three steps back is definitely the second half of episode 2.

Their reunion is awkward from the get go. Although Loki got a glimpse of Sylvie in the future, this is really the first time they are seeing each other since the citadel, so obviously there are a lot of emotions involved. You can see that Loki looks kind of hesitant and unsure, and Sylvie at first looks very trapped but then tries to play it off cool and indifferent. The other thing that is significant is that different amounts of time have passed for each of them. For Loki its only been days since the citadel, so all of that is very fresh for him, but for Sylvie, judging from how much her hair had grown out, its has been at least a few months meaning she's had alot more time to process what happened. I do wonder if she ever thought about whether she would see Loki again and whether she imagined the scenario out in her head?

There was a little detail I noticed when Loki approaches the counter and that is when he gets to the counter he looks down at it as if he has just realised its there and realises he can't get any closer, its like he's disappointed he can't get closer. The set up of this scene is really interesting to me because not only do you have that counter acting as a physical barrier between them, representing the emotional barrier between them but there is this wall as well with that stark black line running between them that appears as a visual barrier as well, with Loki on one side and Sylvie on the other:

Again really pushing home this image of there being an emotional barrier between them that they are going to have to work at bringing down.

The acting in this scene is amazing and just so full of raw emotion. I love the way Loki lets out this deep exhale when he first sees her, the tears in his eyes that he's barely holding back. They are both clearly very nervous. They both struggle to maintain eye contact and are really fidgety. The nervousness makes sense as neither one of them knows how the other is going to react to seeing them after their fight at the citadel.

The thing is despite acting indifferent and cold, Sylvie still agrees to talk with Loki, I think if it really was the case that she didn't care about him anymore she would have just said she's got nothing to say to him and sent him away from the get go, refusing to even hear him out. But she doesn't do that, she wants to talk to him.

The first step back comes though when Loki says 'I know I'm the last person you want to see' and Sylvie replies 'correct.' This confirmation clearly hurt Loki, he has a long pause whilst he tries to process that hurt, when he does talk again he really struggles to get the words out and seems really frazzled, he has to take a lot of deep breaths and pauses as he's trying to find the words he wants to say and get them out. It gets to the point where Sylvie has to tell him to get to the point, and she is clearly frustrated. Loki only becomes clear and calmer when he tells her that he saw her in the future. I think that hope he felt when Sylvie was looking for him and happy to see him took a huge knock when he found her in the present and not only is she not happy to see him but she says he's the last person she wants to see. But here he's reminding himself that she might be upset and cold right now but in the future she is going to be at the TVA and she's going to be looking for him. Its that hope coming back that allows him to calm down and actually speak coherently.

But Sylvie then says she has made a life for herself and she's happy. Loki actually looks surprised by this and I think that's because of what he said at the beginning of the episode when he and Mobius were in London looking for X-5, he said Sylvie wasn't there because it wasn't her style it was too safe. I think he's surprised to find her in this calm, safe place and I also think as much as Loki does want Sylvie to be happy, a part of him is upset and hurt that she was able to build a life and be happy without him, especially as he is clearly not happy without her. I think its also that reminder that they had planned back in 1x05 during the blanket scene to find a life together, but now Sylvie has found that life by herself.

Loki then tells her its the future and its going to happen. Here I think he's trying to reassure himself as much as he's trying to convince her. It's him telling himself, its ok she's upset and angry with me right now, things are still broken between us right now, but I saw her in the future, we were together at the TVA and its going to happen because its the future. He's just desperately clinging onto that hope.

But Sylvie bursts his bubble again when she points out that the future is no longer written, that she had made sure of that. Not only is this a reminded of their disagreement at the citadel but its also pointing out to Loki that actually what he saw was one possible future and there's a chance it might not happen.

At this point he desperately tries for a different tactic and goes with we have to work together to protect the TVA and by extension the branches you freed. I think part of the reason why Loki wants them to work together though is because it would be like old times. He's trying to get back to where they were in season 1 where they were a team working together to take down the timekeepers and then to figure out who was behind the TVA when the timekeepers were revealed to be fake. He wants them to be a team again, to be on the same side again.

But this just makes Sylvie angry because she doesn't know that's what he is trying to do, to her it just seems like all he cares about is the TVA. I think part of the reason why she does get angry is because she is disappointed, I think she hoped when he showed up that he was there to fix things between them, that he was there for her, but instead it seems to her like he's just there because he wants to save the TVA. Which is ironic because I really do think he was there for her but just did a poor job of communicating that to her.

Loki then tries that tactic of your home is in danger don't you want to protect it. Which thinking about it was a little manipulative of Loki but again shows that desperation he is feeling, also to be fair to Loki its not like it was untrue. Then of course they get interrupted by Brad and Mobius and discover that Dox is planning to bomb all the branched timelines. What is really interesting here is that despite all her protests and despite claiming that she didn't care, that she had done her part in giving everyone freewill and had now walked away, Sylvie still goes with Loki and Mobius and helps them fight to protect the branches, again something she wouldn't have done if she really didn't care like she claims.

Another interesting moment is after the fight, when Mobius tells Loki that they need to go back to the TVA and Loki looks back to Sylvie before going through the time door. It reminded me of the scene at the end of 1x2 where Sylvie looks back at Loki and waves before going through the time door, she left it open so I think she wanted him to follow, or at least knew he would. I think its the same here, he wants and trusts her to follow him through. He also looks back at her after she does follow him through which creates a nice little parallel later in ep 4 when Loki does that same double look when she arrives.

I do think it is significant that Sylvie does choose to follow him back to the TVA instead of just going straight home, its another case of her words saying one thing but her actions saying something else entirely. But we get another giant leap backwards when the true extent of the damage Dox has done is revealed. Billions of lives have been lost and this is where Sylvie's deep mistrust of the TVA comes into play. As much as she wants to trust in Loki, he had just promised that the TVA could be a force of good, of protection for the branches, yet Sylvie just witnessed a member of the TVA kill billions of lives and the TVA, Loki, was unable to protect them. I do think its interesting that when everyone else was focused on Renslayer's tempad hit, Loki walked away from them to go and speak to Sylvie. He knew how upset she would be about the branches and wanted to comfort her, but also he knew she would be angry and I think he was also desperate to convince her that despite what just happened the TVA could still be something good. Sylvie wasn't having any of it but another moment that really hit me was that as she leaves Loki closes his eyes like he can't bear to watch her walk away.

Another thing that was interesting to me was the very end scene where Sylvie is sitting on her car listening to music. The song she is listening to is Kozmic Blues by Janis Joplin and I think it can tell us a lot about how Sylvie is feeling in that moment. The song is about trying to see the good in things and about hope but always still being let down. The writer said this about the meaning of the song: 'Kozmic Blues just means that no matter what you do, man, you get shot down anyway.' Which to me makes me think that as much as Sylvie says she doesn't care, as much as she says she is happy on her timeline and has made a life for herself, that she has stopped running, actually she's just tired of being let down all the time. She wants to believe that the TVA can be turned into something good, she wants to trust in Loki, she wants to believe that things between them can get better and she wants to be able to open her heart to him again, but she is afraid of being let down again, of feeling that pain again, so instead she is just hiding in her timeline. Sadly Dox pruning those timelines is just another instance of Sylvie feeling let down and thinking that hoping for something better was useless.

The first verse of the song plays during this scene:

Time keeps moving on Friends they turn away I keep moving on But I never found out why I keep pushing too hard and babe I keep trying to make it right Through another lonely day,

To me these lyrics paired with the image of her looking down at HWR's tempad, tells me that Sylvie is regretting her choices a little, or at the very least thinking about the consequences of them. 'Time keeps moving on' no matter how much time has passed she still can't let go of the past and the connections she made. 'Friends they turn away' makes me think about how she and Loki are now at odds, but also how she must feel like she is on the opposite side to Mobius and B-15 who she also formed a bit of a connection to. The lines 'I keep moving on' 'I keep pushing too hard' and 'I keep trying to make it right' I think show Sylvie's struggle. She thought she was doing the right thing by killing HWR and setting the timelines free but things are still going wrong, she is trying to move on with her life but I think she is still feeling like something is missing and I think the thing that is missing is Loki, she misses that feeling of having a team mate, of having someone by her side, fighting with her. Which brings me to the last line. 'Through another lonely day.' I think out of all the lines in the first verse this is the most significant. It's not a lonely day, its another lonely day. Despite saying she is happy ultimately Sylvie is lonely on her timeline.

Come ep 3 it seems like there is a shift in Loki's attitude, gone is mr frantic Loki who constantly insists they have to find Sylvie. Gone, apparently is his obsession with her, now it seems like his focus is on the TVA and fixing the problem with the loom. However I actually think the shift isn't because he has decided he doesn't care about Sylvie anymore, I actually think his new focus is still about Sylvie. In the first two episodes Loki still cared about solving the time-slipping problem and the problem with the loom, it was just that he cared more about finding Sylvie and making sure she was ok, she wasn't his only priority but she was his highest priority. I still think she is his highest priority, I think his main motivation behind wanting to fix the loom is that he wants to protect Sylvie's branch. That's not to say that he doesn't care about the other branches or the TVA and his friends there, of course he does, but I think his main priority is Sylvie's branch in particular. In ep 1 and 2 it was all about making sure Sylvie was ok, now that he has found her and seen that she is ok and been told that she is happy, his motivation has switched to making sure she stays that way. It all comes back to what he said in the season 1 finale, he doesn't want a throne, he just wants her to be ok.

l also think his demeanour this episode says alot, he's just so despondent. Back in season 1 when Loki and Mobius would investigate together Loki would feed off of Mobius' excitement and would also get excited, like when they were testing their theory about apocalypses and when they were searching for which apocalypse Sylvie was hiding in. But in this episode whilst Mobius still has that high energy and excitement Loki doesn't, he is sullen and he is taking no enjoyment from his surroundings, he says the cracker jacks taste like ash, even when he uses his magic to trap that guy in the pig cage, something he would have had a lot of fun doing and would have delighted in before, he is mostly subdued about. He is clearly miserable without Sylvie.

Funnily enough the most energetic and respondent we see Loki in this episode is during the ferris wheel scene with Sylvie. Even though its not a positive interaction it still shows us just how much Loki still cares about Sylvie. Honestly I found this whole scene kind of heartbreaking just because of how much it parallels 1x6 and how much emotion the actors put into the scene.

Once again there is alot of miscommunication and misunderstandings between them in this scene. Sylvie still believes that Loki only cares about the TVA, she even asks him 'do you care about anything but the TVA?' I think she is hurt because from her point of view he doesn't care about her anymore since their fight at the citadel and on top of that he is now trying to save the organisation that hunted her down for most of her life, on top of that he is once again protecting the man who stole her freewill and her life from her. She even thinks that he played a part in 'weaponizing' Victor by giving him the TVA handbook which I think also deeply hurts her.

Of course Loki had nothing to do with that and also has his own fears and doubts about taking Victor to the TVA but from his point of view Victor is the answer to solving the problem with the loom and by extension ensuring that Sylvie and her branch will be safe, in this scene he is desperately trying to explain that to Sylvie and get her to understand that actually he is doing it for her. But I think Sylvie just sees it as him trying to manipulate her into protecting the TVA.

The saddest part of this scene for me is when Sylvie says 'This is all very familiar isn't it.' You can see how much distress and pain they are both in, how much they hate that they have found themselves in this situation again, how much they hate that they aren't seeing things the same way, how much they hate not being on the same side anymore. They are both just so distraught and have no idea how to get back to where they were in season 1, where they were on the same side. To me this is far from indifference, this isn't two strangers who don't care about the other. This is two people who love each other deeply but who have broken apart, who are hurting and who deep down want to find their way back to each other but who don't know how to fix things between them, they are two people who have always struggled with trusting others, who have always struggled to communicate exactly what they want or what they are feeling.

Another really significant moment though is when Sylvie catches up with them and Victor in his workshop. What I find really interesting about this scene is the contrast it shows between Sylki and between the relationship between both Victor and Renslayer but also Mobius and Renslayer. Victor and Renslayer develop a romance in this episode but Victor ultimately betrays her when she says his trigger word, partnership, and in response to this Renslayer decides she's never going to trust him again and is even ready to prune him. Mobius and Renslayer also had a falling out, similar to Sylki, they were friends a long time but in the end they didn't see things the same way and ultimately that relationship broke down. The difference is that again Renslayer refuses to trust or work with Mobius after that break down in their relationship. But in contrast in this moment when Sylvie is confronting Victor, Loki actually takes a step back, and even holds a hand out to stall Mobius, he is trusting Sylvie to make the right choice here, despite everything that has happened, and Sylvie ultimately ends up trusting Loki and allowing him to take Victor back to the TVA, unlike the other two relationships, despite all their disagreements and fights, trust still exists between Sylki.

So now we've reached episode 4 and I think this is a significant episode for Sylki's relationship. I already made a post analysing their pie room scene which you can read here if you would like. I'm not going to go as in depth here as I did in that post because I would just be repeating myself, but I will cover a few key points. The pie room scene that we get in this episode is one of the first times this season that Sylki communicate clearly with each other. Its one of the first times they actually both stop and listen to the other, actually consider what the other one has to say. As I said before I watch alot of angsty couples and storylines and there is usually a pattern to it in my opinion, and Sylki this season are no different. It always starts out with the couple in a really bad place with each other where they are really hurt and angry with each other, they also then have several more fights and disagreements, but they also then have a proper conversation where things improve a little between them, where they might not necessarily be agreeing with each other but where they aren't screaming and shouting either. The pie scene is that moment for Sylki where they do, for once, talk reasonably with each other. Although they don't really come to an agreement in this conversation they do both still give the other something to think about and they at least understand clearly where they other person is coming from and why they are seeing it the way that they are. Loki now understands why Sylvie is struggling to see the TVA as a solution and why she didn't want Victor to be brought to the TVA, he understands that it comes from her fear. In return Sylvie understands that Loki trusts the TVA because he trusts the people in it who are fighting to protect the branches like Mobius, Casey, OB and B-15. This understanding is a huge leap forward for them.

There is also that moment during the pie room scene where Loki says he asked for Sylvie's help but she walked away and she responds 'just so we're clear, no I didn't, I'm here aren't I?' To be fair she's right. Again despite claiming she doesn't care and that she just wants to be left alone on her branch, she still went with them to fight Dox and help protect the branches, she still showed up when Victor a variant of HWR's showed up, she still went back there in this episode and is helping to solve the problem with the loom. So she has shown up, she hasn't walked away.

But another thing I loved about ep 4 was that we once again get to see Sylki working as a team, a little detail I noticed is that pretty much throughout this whole episode they are at each other's side. Finally we get to see them back in that same dynamic they had in season 1 of being on the same side and fighting together. Sure its not exactly the same just yet, there are still some feelings and issues to work through but for me it was a big difference from the earlier episodes in the season where Sylki were having a lot of disagreements. Also I am trying really hard not to look too much into the episode where they do start fighting as a team again being called 'The Heart of the TVA.' It probably doesn't mean anything other than the loom, but I can't help but think about Sylki as the heart of the show.

And so finally we have made it to the most recent episode. Honestly overall I wasn't the biggest fan of this episode, it just felt like filler and like nothing really happened, it was more showing us what the TVA workers lives were before the TVA. But despite that I thought there were some really good Sylki scenes in this episode.

The first bit of Sylki content we get is when Dr B-15 asks if that's everyone and Loki says no there's one more referring to Sylvie. At first I didn't really think much of this moment because like yeah Sylvie was there so if they need to match all the temporal auras then they need her too. But then I've spent the day rewatching the whole season and in ep 4 there's the whole plot of them needing Victor because he's a variant of HWR and so has the same aura. So correct me if I am wrong, but wouldn't that mean that Loki and Sylvie also have the same temporal aura? So actually Loki didn't really need to go and find Sylvie, they could have done it without her but Loki went anyway.

I loved their re-reunion. Loki preparing himself to try and explain their relationship to a Sylvie who doesn't know him, as well as the whole situation and then it turning out that actually Sylvie does know who he is. Also I do think it is interesting that Sylvie wasn't reset like the others. I do wonder if its because they are both gods and maybe that plays into it somehow. But again I am trying really hard not to look too much into Sylvie being the only one who still remembers him, but I don't know I just find that so romantic, I blame my shipper goggles, they're a little smudged. But I also really loved Sylvie's reaction to Loki almost time-slipping, I'm pretty sure that's the first time she's seen it and her immediate reaction is dude you need a drink.

One of my favourite scenes this episode was that scene in the bar. I think I loved it just as much as I did the pie room scene. What I think is interesting about this scene is its very similar to the pie room scene but in reverse. So in the pie room it very much felt like Sylvie was a bit lost and unsure about what to do and Loki was the one telling her some hard truths, like fixing broken things is hard and hope is hard. But in this scene its Loki that is lost and unsure and its Sylvie that is spilling the hard truths. She points out that their friends are back where they are supposed to be, where they were before HWR and the TVA messed with them.

I also loved Sylvie's response to Loki saying she was selfish basically being well duh. But I do think that moment was interesting because of the subtext, Loki's rant about her not caring and how it all worked out the way she wanted. I think he is again feeling alot of pain and hurt, because he is lost and alone and she seems like she's happy on her branch, living her life without him. Its that feeling you get when you've been hoping for a particular outcome but then those hopes are dashed, Loki was hoping he and Sylvie would find their way back to each other that they would build a life together and help their TVA friends protect the branches. Now Sylvie has a life on her branch and everyone else has been reset in their own timelines and the TVA is gone. Loki is more alone than he ever has been.

Slightly off topic here, but I did wonder why it was that Loki was never reset and instead ending up time-slipping and then I realised the sad truth, Loki has no where to be reset too. His branched timeline was pruned after he escaped with the tesseract and arrested by the TVA so he can't be reset there. Unlike Sylvie he never made a home for himself on any other timeline. The place that became home for him was the TVA and the people in it. So now he is being pulled between the TVA and the people he cared about.

Sylvie also asks a couple of important questions during this scene. The first is what is wrong with wanting something and also what does Loki want. Loki really struggles to answer this question even with Sylvie pushing him. I think a part of her was hoping that he would say he wants her. He is eventually able to admit that he wants his friends back, that he doesn't want to be alone. Seeing Loki so broken with those tears in his eyes as he admitted that he wanted his friends back was really heartbreaking. But I do think that whilst Sylvie was hoping that he would say he wanted her and then felt like he didn't say that, actually Loki was including Sylvie in the statement, she is one of those people he wants back but again he is just rubbish at communicating that to her.

You can see how much it hurts Sylvie to see Loki question where it is he belongs now. Going back to the whole angsty storylines having a formula, another part of this formula that I often see is the 'I'm letting you go for your own good' scene. I think we get this moment in this scene when Sylvie tells Loki to go write his own story. There was a lot of talk about selfishness in this scene and I think that Sylvie feels like if she tells Loki to stay with her, that he belongs with her instead of letting him make his own path, then she would be selfish to do so. Instead she lets him go for what she believes is his own good. You can see how much it is killing her to do that and right after she goes to the record shop where she confesses that she had a bad day and then cries whilst listening to music, which honestly relatable.

This time the song she is listening to though is Oh! Sweet Nuthin by The Velvet Underground. The song is about a group of people who have nothing and the opening lyrics that we see Sylvie cry to are:

Say a word for Jimmy Brown He ain't got nothing at all

It's a song about people who are dissatisfied with their lives. So again we have this situation where Sylvie is claiming she is happy on her branch but then she listens to a song that she clearly relates to and it says something completely different.

It's also very telling that when Loki does go back to the gang he follows Sylvie's advice and tells them to go home, he admits that it was more about what he wanted and not about them saving the TVA. As much as it hurts him to admit, he says that they don't need the TVA. It's at this moment that Sylvie shows up and says yes they do. I think this is a pretty big moment for Sylvie but before I talk about that I just have to talk about the look on Loki's face when she shows up, my god he just looked so in love with her, it actually kind of took my breath away. Also its kind of funny that Sylvie shows up declaring that this catastrophic event of the branches dying is happening and Loki's just like 'Heart Eyes'.

But anyway, the reason why I think its such a big deal that Sylvie says that they do need the TVA is because this whole season its been Loki saying that the TVA is the answer and Sylvie saying that the TVA needs to be burnt down and gotten rid off its been the reason behind a lot of their disagreements. But here Sylvie has finally realised that actually the TVA is the solution. Guys, they are finally back on the same page, they are finally both seeing things the same way.

At the start of the episode OB believed that controlling the time-slipping was the key, he also believed that Loki needed to figure out why he wanted to time-slip in order to control. But as the room and the people begin to spaghettify it is seeing Sylvie dissolve with the rest of the room that finally triggers his control over his time-slipping and the first moment he time-slips too is just before he lost Sylvie. I do think this was significant that he slipped to just before she specifically was lost, as there is no reason the writers couldn't have just had him time-slip to the moment when Sylvie first arrives before anyone is spaghettified, so him slipping to just before he loses her must be significant in my opinion.

It is at this moment that Loki realises that its not the what, where or why that is the key to controlling his time-slipping, its the who. Meaning it was Sylvie that was the biggest factor in triggering that control, it was seeing her pain, knowing her branch was gone and hearing her say that there was nowhere left for her to go, something he himself struggled with this episode, that gave him that motivation to control it. It was that memory of hearing her ask if what makes a Loki a Loki is that they are destined to always win, this is so significant because its not just the words she says but the connection they have, back to that moment between them beside the lake on Lamentis, the moment they made that first romantic connection that caused a nexus event when it was supposedly impossible for one to happen. That was what made Loki think, no I'm not losing this time. It all comes back to what I think has been his motivation this whole season, which is that last thing he said to her at the citadel, he just wants her to be ok. It was seeing her not ok that gave him that spark he needed to gain this new power of being able to rewrite the story, as he put it. I also love that Loki turns directly to Sylvie when he says this line because she is the one that told him to go write his own story.

As I said above I actually still have quite a bit of hope for Sylki and I mentioned a few times this formula that I've seen other shows use when writing angst filled storylines about couples who have broken apart and who they are trying to bring back together and I really do think that they have followed this formula to a tee with Loki and Sylvie. They've had the fights and misunderstandings in ep 2 and 3, they've had the clarity talk, where they come to understand the other persons point of view and reasons. They've had the I'm letting you go because I (wrongly I might add) think its the right and best thing to do for you. And now, now comes the best part, the part where they have the big reunion conversation. Where they both put all their feelings out on the table and confess exactly what they've been feeling the whole time but been able to express because the writers weren't ready for the audience to see that just yet. If I am right (and to be fair there's a chance I'm not but I am choosing to hope I am) then ep 6 is when this conversation will happen. It'd be the perfect setting for it, its the big finale, they are in this high stress situation they might not make it out of so to me it would make sense for the writers to put the big emotional conversation in this episode, if we are lucky we might even get a kiss. I think this screenshot from one of the trailers will be that moment:

I said from when I first saw this very short clip that it looked to me from the way she was slowly approaching him that it was going to be a kiss scene. What's interesting is that it looks like they are in timeline OB's workshop that they were in during this episode. So it looks like we might be returning to that location. But I could see them taking a moment alone and having that conversation where they are completely open with each other about how they really feel about each other, where they confess their feelings and then share a kiss. To me it just makes the most sense as the next step in their relationship from what I've seen over this season. Of course I could also just be delulu, That is a possibility.

But anyway, those are my thoughts on Sylki so far this season. I am eagerly awaiting to see what will happen in the finale, in general and when it comes to Sylki, I would love for my theory about them reuniting romantically to be true, but only time will tell. Sorry that this got so long and thank you if you have read all the way to the end. In the meantime if anyone has any asks or wants to tell me there theories, my inbox is always open, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hi! These matchups you do are really fun so I thought I’d give it a go :)

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I’m a Megan Thee Stallion fan! I love her songs, they get me so pumped. Right now I love one of her older songs Plan B. It makes me feel confident and reminds me not to take sh*t from anyone!

“Ladies, love yourself 'cause this shit could get ugly That's why it's, "Fuck n***** get money" And I don't give a fuck if that n**** leave tonight. Because, n****, that dick don't run me”

What is your Enneagram type?

I’m an ENFP :)

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Yes I do! I love to listen to them like a podcast while I scroll on Pinterest or draw. I enjoy watching Wendigoon. I’m a horror gal so I love urban legends and creepy stuff. My particular favorite is “The Deal With The Devil That Created Rock And Roll”

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

never had one

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Listening to bf asmr or reading some fanfics

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

The funny thing about my name is that nobody calls me by my government one. It’s one of those long, slightly formal names. So when I was baby I was given a nickname. Now everyone in my life knows me by that nickname. I didn’t pick it, but i like my nickname and I feel like it fits :)

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Oooh that’s a hard choice. I like so many of them. But I’d have to pick Gavin’s first confession audio. It’s so sweet and I’m a sucker for confessions.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Hmm, I think Asher. just doesn’t appeal to me. I think our personalities are too similar

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

”The Parent Trap” with Linsey Lohan! or “Clueless”

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

I think Guy. He’d be a fun bestie, and he’d make me cry laughing

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Not rlly. I get more quiet when I’m sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Combo pretzel and cheese chips and a Coke!

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

It’s titled ‘Bad Bitch’ and it’s filled with Kim Petras, Twice, Kali Uchis, and ofc Megan Thee Stallion :)

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Cheesy rom coms and romance books. Also Studio Ghibli movies

Extra info:

I’m an extrovert

I love the sunshine x grumpy trope

I’m a fashion girlie and I must have a cute outfit at all times if I’m going out

that’s all, thank you!

Easy peasy! I think you and your match would have a lot of shared interests, but it’s the love of fashion that cinched it. There’s no better match for that than Gavin.

Like, literally, you’d like so many of the same things; horror, K-pop, Megan Thee Stallion, romance novels. The music especially is such a fun thing you two share; he knows all the choreography, maybe even all the words. (I think he’s a Girls Generation fan if I had to pick. Given his age, I think Gavin stans the classics.) You also share a book collection, the incubus often getting saucy and using them as inspiration or quoting them.

All in all, you’re a very compatible couple, an extroverted pair who looks good together. I can see y’all going on really cute mall dates, thrifting cute clothes, buying new books, going to see the new horror movie of the week, and Gavin laughing at it to everyone in the theater’s surprise. (Because of his demonic, supernatural nature, I like to hc Gavin as enjoying horror but not being scared by it in the least.) (Also, I really love that both of you go by nicknames instead of your birth names; it’s meant to be.)

Song:

I'm talkin' all around clock/ I'm talkin' hope nobody knocks/ I'm talkin' opposite of soft/ I'm talkin' wild, wild thoughts/ You gotta keep up with me/ I got some young energy/ I caught the L-O-V-E/ How do you do this to me?

Once you get Gavin properly acclimated to pop culture and music, he becomes the king of it, always his finger on the pulse. I love to think of him as a pop idol, Sabrina Carpenter fan- especially of this fun, flirty song and how it’s performed. He loves to play this while doing chores around the house, coming up with his own naughty refrains like how Sabrina does during live performances.

Runner-ups:

Given your love of fashion, I had to put Milo somewhere in your big three. Anton, in contrast, is a runner-up because of how adorably you’d contrast. I love a good introvert/extrovert pairing, and I really get a giggle out of imagining Anton flustered at hearing WAP for the first time.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

for axelrod: 💞, 🧶, 🌺

for finn: 🩷, 🌷, 🌺, i also want to hear any ramblings about miku by anamanaguchi specifically if that is something you would like to share

i also think 🏩 is a very good question but in my heart it's collision of worlds at least for finn. i accept the possibility you might answer all of the finn questions with collision of worlds. almost poetic one of the questions is about the credits to a theoretical movie

-@markbeakskisser

Okay preface before the preface-preface that prefaces the preface-preface preface. Preface. THIS IS LONG, Like, perhaps even "This is long even for Kane" long. At least for typing. I say several things adressing the longness of it but I wanted to add the extra preface of I managed to essentially go on a tangent at every single question because I am a madman and regauardless of if you read this in intervals if anyone reads this entire thing you might also be a certified madman because WHY and HOW. And GENIUNELY no one has to read this, this is like a borderline memoir. But I have super enjoyed doing this thank you so so much, I've spent all day writing this out and actually really loved dedicating a good portion of my day to this!! So thank you lots. This post needs like three read-more options. This was really fun to get out of my system thank you for the ask and your words. There was originally just one preface and now this is one preface of four, the read more is going here. I hope you have a brilliant day, I'm feeling awfully sappy and feelingsy right now as I just got done with this so I just wanted to add and say thank you for being my friend and sending me handfuls of questions for each ask game and listening to my rambles and nonsense and supporting me, I owe you a 50$ card to your favorite place to eat/shop at, digital stores like Steam or Amazon are included.

I saw this first thing when I woke up and your reply to my art and you answering the Animal Crossing thingy and I was like okay let me do the ask game thingy here first just to savor everything else like when you get good food so you want to eat it slower but then I got so caught up in responding to these questions that I started daydreaming and I got a little tooooooo cozy daydreaming and fell back asleep till like 9pm. But also thank you so much this was such a pleasant little surprise cause I had reblogged it a couple days ago! Glad to see you again :)

I do want to preface that I have a really bad habit of not always picking up on the actual meanings of songs and unless it is truly something downright diabolical that I must be aware of LET ME BE BLISSFULLY UNAWARE!! I've had a couple people point out to me that what I THOUGHT was a love song was really like a break-up song or was about someone missing a relationship that was actually toxic and of course I do not mean those undertones!!!! Art is for interpretation and just like any painting or book it's good to respect the artists original intentions but part of the fun and having a song resonate with you is how your brain decides to read it! And I'm too tired of having songs ruined for me because of hidden meanings being pointed out to me. Waugh.

I'm beginning to think I'm just getting longer at longer at typing. Or this is one of those beaver dam things where I never really talked about it so now that I am it all bursts open. You might have to sit down and grab a snack and drink and a text-to-speech and pretend we are having a podcast here. Maybe have it as a Part A. And Part B. Thing to read. Or skip to the part where I unironically start rambling about the Miku song in Finn's playlist.

For Axlerod:

💞 - which song off of your playlist would your f/o associate with your selfship, if they were selfshipping with you?

It's too early in the morning for my hands to be sweating like this. Uhm. I knew I was going to be quick at finding a song or it was going to take me a hot minute, no in between, and it is taking me a hot minute. But I am super enjoying getting to go through his playlist again cause I did a lot of my song listening while at school or walking to and from the bus and I haven't done that in a while so I haven't done as much listening to music! I am think I am thinking far too deeply and hard about this but me being indecisive does not help at all. I was tempted to purposely lean towards adding an Arctic Monkeys song(or that general area like The Last Shadow Puppets) but then I was like wait no, thats what I associate with him. But then I was also like maybe it would also go the other way around? And he would find those songs and associate them with me as well?

I actually have a little journal where I wrote out every song on my playlist for Axlerod(and afterwards for Finn) and with each song I wrote out what the song reminds me of/why I added it/the little AMV animatic that runs through my head, and in some of them I jotted down who's perspective the song is from, so I kinda have a little cheat cause I'm particularly looking for ones where I wrote that it was Axlerod towards Kane. Okay. I think I've narrowed it down. Since I'm jotting down several and I have somehow already yapped I'm not going to individually go on about the songs in length here just to try and keep it from turning into another love letter.

Past Kane was saying Royalty by Conor Maynard as a half joke, thank you past Kane, you're very funny.

Touch-Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon is also really good, I mean that is literally just him. Rewatch Cars 2 and tell me that he wasn't just preaching that song the entire time. Cameras cut, we break away to a behind the scenes shot between Axlerod and Kane and this song is just that. Like borderline this song is just a thing that was written particularly for a Cars 2 breakaway of this. No words are spoken it is just this song playing except for maybe that thing where the characters turn around and silently mouth some of the lyrics to themselves. Repeating secondary AU where instead of Kane having entirely seperate story it's the one where he's directly inserted into the Cars 2 plot.

Tear in My Heart by Twenty One Pilots. I almmoosyttt didn't mention it just because my idea for it is it being a very important song to me(which it is) and me then introducing it to Axlerod. But again that could just be his own little imagine that he has in his own head.

There are also a few other honorable mentions but I would not be able to narrow those songs down. And that's just like.. the main big ones where I'm like "I hesr this song and my immediate first instinct is thinking about it as an Axlerod towards Kane song." He would have his own whole playlist okay.

🧶 - what's the most out of place song on your playlist? why did you add it?

"Hmmm... I don't know, I don't think I have really any silly funny songs in this playlist, maybe something like Change The Formality by Infected Mushroom because it is so intense and not really sappy, it's just something that reminds me of Axlerod himself and not necessarily the relationship?" He says, knowing full well he just went through the entire playlist and Shredded Metal by NSP is in there where it is just Danny hyping up this metal song they worked on for the past three and a half years and asking Ninja Brian to play it and Ninja Brian proceeds to play bloopy motifs and nothing else and when Ninja Brian finally goes to play the beginning bit of it and Danny starts singing he switching it back to the bloopy song(this entire thing is just a skit that they do in their albums as an intermission or intro/outro).

And all I wrote in my journal was, and I quote, word for word, "Something that would happen between me and Miles(Axlerod). I mean, not that particular 1:1 scenario but same silly funny fun vibes." Except I was numbering the songs as I went and highlighting the numbers so it was easy for me to find them later and accidentally highlighted the 1:1 ratio. I wrote this about almost squarely a year ago(it was over the course of Febuary-ish of last year, maybe extended into January and March as I was taking my time with it and also did Finn's afterwards) and I still perfectly agree with that statement. It is here just because it is silly and something that I feel like would happen between us.

🌺 - which song off of your playlist has the most impactful lyrics? why do they mean so much to you?

I'd say either Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John or Mirrorball by Arctic Monkeys. Deep breath cause I'm going to get a little opening my heart up here and mildly embarrassing myself. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road was one of the first songs that I properly imagined an entire thing to it, like essentially a time-lapse of the process of Kane going from "dog that Axlerod found on the street that needs serious remission" to a tiktok of words over the screen saying "This was a stray ally dog I found..." and it's showing the most happy bubbly possibly spoiled looking dog who is plump and well fed and just seems like how a dog should be! Tail wagging like it is a helicopter that might take off at any point. It is also(asides from the other song I mention here, I can't remember which came first) the first song that I imagined a little wedding thing to and then had the entire "ah piss, do I wanna run away and have an unconventional marriage with him in a flower field?"(the answer was yes.) And there's just like. The whole lyrics of course are just. One million firework and explosion emojis right now ASAP. I will need to pull out a Google doc and go over but I swear it is all just verbatim of what I've laid out here. Kane warming up and Axlerod letting him warm up and being easy on him and just pretend like I went on an entire tangent about the chorus because I'm gonna go on a tangent about the opening bit and if I go on about the chorus as well it will just be. More lengthy somehow.

I'll try and shorten it but the opening lines of "I'm not a present for your friends to open/// This boy's too young to be singing the blues." Like, first line. Kane is spy, we now know the whole ordeal of spies conflicting with lemons, Kane has lost it by this point and doesn't know anything anymore. Second line now. Okay. Axlerod responding with concern of "..You know you aren't supposed to be feeling this way, right? You're just fighting a group of what you already are. You shouldn't be feeling this way.." and then the entire rest of the song and plot break out, there's the turning point right there, Axlerod being someone that calls Kane out on the fact that he is clearly not feeling okay and something should be done about that and who is Axlerod if not the staple person to be helping a lemon? Whether the man is aware he is a lemon or not.

For Finn:

🩷 - which song off of your playlist has the most interesting reason as to why it's on there?

Okay so this is a little tricky for me just because I have so many songs on here and so many of them that I like and think have little interesting things behind them!! Though I suppose I could say that for all the questions here...

I mean, there is perhaps the more obvious answer of the Miku song, I'm sure that is quite interesting thing to have here, but there's also little things here like having a cowboy song in here cause Finn geeks out a little about that stuff and embarrasses himself a bit over it in the Disney Infinity game, or having Temperature by Sean Paul in here because uh i uh I'm not explaining myself on that one. Or some songs are in here just because some particular lines are in them that I think are really neato and could lead me going into an entire lore drop tangent about Finn and how I love how beautifully complex he is. Or the Cars 2 song Mon Couer Fait Vroum, which it is sung in French but it actually has some really depressing lyrics!

I'm gonna put my little Miku by Anamanaguchi tangent here just because! But it has a very silly reason for being here, nothing deep or anything, the original reason it got in here was souly because of the lines of "blue hair, blue tie, hiding in your wifi" and I had actually misheard it for a long time as "blue hair, blue eyes, hiding in your wifi" and I was like heyyy!! Finn has blue(silver) hair and blue(greenish) eyes!! This is silly I shall add it. And now it is partly because of the line before that of "Miku, Miku, you can call me Miku," because that like. hh. Am I really going to make a drawing over this to explain myself? I can't explain it without drawing the vision but it just gives off this very polite happy sort of introduction that I think fits Finn. Think sort of like how when the little Animal Crossing villagers do their little wave and there's that little chime noise and they like close their eyes and get happy. Like that. Just like a really polite happy sort of greeting. That is it ISDFKLSD. This is one of those songs where the only reason it is in here is for a couple of lyrics and lines. I've also had the now new mental image of Finn in the Hatsune Miku outfit so that's been. There. And I am saying less now. But it stays because it makes me smile and giggle and I have had previous moments of intentionally trying to find more silly songs to add but it hasn't been a complete suceess, I suppose it must arise naturally.

🌷 - what's a song off of your playlist that really encapsulates your selfship? what about the song makes you feel that way?

Okay, I have several things I could say here of course, but there are two main songs that come to my mind that are like THE songs to me. Like, these are songs about us by us for us, are Careless Whisper by George Michael and La vie en rose by Michael Buble and Cecil McLorin Salvant(I'm on my computer I can't add the accidentals). I KNOW CARELESS WHISPER IS A MEME SONG I DONT CARE. It is so important to me. There is an entire movie that goes on in my head during that song it is literally like one for one ratio of when we first meet and how we feel over each other. I am getting closer and closer to opening up a google doc and writing out how I feel over every single song over again regardless of if I will be the only one to bear eyes on it or not. It is one of my top streamed overall songs, when it comes out I need to stop everything else so I can mentally shout the lyrics at the top of my soul. The entire song is just longing and yearning and I could pick out every single last lyric and be like "okay this is what is happening here in this scene and then the next ones they're saying this and then we transition to this scene and-". There's really a whole thing to it aaiiiogguouggiuhgighg.

La vie en rose doesn't really have an entire movie to it but it is everything I looked up the french lyrics it is so fitting I just. Is this not just the entirety of Finn's heart. I don't need to explain anything about our relationship or how he feels about me I can just show someone this song and be like "Yeah, and it is all mutual." There is a particular part in the song that I can't really describe or explain without giving the audio clip of it but it grabs my heart and squeezes and wrenches it I love him so much I need to grab him like a pillow and just RHGHGRHGRHGHRHHGHTGGHAAURURURUAHF squeeze as tight as possible. Sorry I. Am listening to the songs while typing so you are getting a pure and most geniune unedited authentic response. Life will always be through rose tinted glasses. Good grief I might just explode.

🌺 - which song off of your playlist has the most impactful lyrics? why do they mean so much to you?

Okay I will pick a different song since I think I uhm.. Very well expressed how much Careless Whisper and La vie en rose mean to me and how impactful those are. Again there are several I could pick here but the one that really jumped to my mind is a little angstier, it is Impossible Year by Panic! At The Disco, I can't remember if I ever mentioned it here or if I only said it like once, but I originally the story between me and Finn was supposed to be a little extra angstier and sadder, it was supposed to be after meeting him instead of being pushed to make the exchange between phone numbers and stay in touch, it was going to be that they do the thing of just..saddly staring at each other and looking like sad dogs because they got really attatched and hooked on one another so fast and quickly and it is really hard to say goodbye now, nonetheless one that they are unsure if it will be a permanent one or not. But I am awful with angst so I changed it that we keep in touch and don't have that really bitter sort of "will they wont they ever see each other again" thingy. And I think that this song still really captures that, that bittersweet thing of someone meaning so much to you, a lot, and having to look at them and have them look at you and knowing that neither of you want to have to go but there might not be a choice. "There is no sunshine, there is no you and me, there's no good times, this impossible year.." <- those lyrics right there. Mkay. I am getting myself a little choked up here which isn't good because if I am about to talk about Collision of Worlds then tears are inevitable. I know when we watched Cars 2 I didn't really go on about the lyrics but those three end credit songs mean so much to me. Maybe I need to write a speech or presentation on those.

💒 - if your relationship with your f/o was a movie, what two songs off of your playlist would be the intro and outro songs? why do you think those two songs would fit?

Probably one of the most heard and called out moments I've felt of you even mentioning Collision of Worlds, nonetheless that you are prepared for the fact that I might mention it for every question cause if I'm being honest and truthful I absolutely could because on a surface level it is a silly lighthearted song cause haha they're singing about meat and potatoes or bangers and mash or something and I am curled up on the couch weeping to it. And to think I just wrote a love letter to the UK government as well. I just. I lost my entire train of thought if there ever was one now that I'm playing it and SOUAGH. TEARS. My eyes are watering. Those marbles I gave out in my last post I will be needing them back I fear I've lost mine /joking/reference. I am going to try and actually answer the question and not turn this into my essay about Collision of Worlds. Cause I mean, that's what happened, now isn't it? It makes the world feel a little smaller but like..in a good way? Same sun, different shore. Same stars and moon, different position in the sky. Across over the pond. There was actually a pond at a park by my school that I went to and I sat at the benches at each end and made that joke several times. Somehow I feel like I've said so much and nothing at the same time. Okay I'll be real, any outro songs could I kid you not just be the same exact outro songs that are played during the Cars 2 movie. Nobody's Fool also makes me want to tear up and gets to me really badly and is partly why any time I hear the word "fool" my brain process just immedietly zaps to Finn, I associate that word with him now, that is like his word to me and I actually really strongly stand by a quote from that song that has actually gotten be through some things which sounds a bit silly but I love it. "Y'know what they say, truth sets you free, and that's just great unless you don't wanna be." Okay, I gotta stop listening to these songs I am just making myself cry now.

Intro song would be the previously mentioned song of Careless Whisper by George Michael, again there's an entire movie that I imagine to this song so it is a whole novel of a post in itself, but it sums up our entire meeting nearly 1:1, it's just mushy smooshy love at first sight sort of nonsense with pining, yearning, longing, it's like finding something at a grocery store that you really want and you keep it in the back of your mind for weeks until you can afford getting it or have the opportunity for it.

[milleart]

hello! it's your 7kpp secret santa here and WOW that's some delicious piece of info! i love how in depth your response is! with that said... *puts on interviewer hat* another round of questions i would like to ask are:

what are nayeli and lien hua's roles during week 5's theatrical, and what are their thoughts about it as the theatrical descends further into a charade of what it's supposed to be?

did nayeli and lien hua give anything to their SOs and if yes, what did they give (i don't wish to assume that they gave their SOs the best gifts from the options in the game) and how are their letters like? (e.g. lengthy paragraphs, legibility of their handwritings, ink stains on their letters etc.)

not really relevant to the gift itself, but why did you choose the names "nayeli" and "lien hua" for them, and why did you choose yellow/orange and green/white for their colour schemes? p.s. i love their designs!

thank you for reading, sorry that this time is more rambly!

no thank you for all your questions!! it's been really fun to ramble about my girls a bit 🩷 

1. Oh god the theatrical :') After the trial, Lien Hua was absolutely drained and overwhelmed so the moment the theatrical came up she was just "oh fuck no". She immediately beelined for the backstage work before Jaslen was even halfway through explaining the main character roles. Still, she does most of the delegate herding/"please get your shit together" speeches because of her sense of responsibility, but she's not really enjoying it at all. She doesn't feel like it's proper to host something like that after everything that happened but wouldn't voice it openly.

Nay meanwhile jumped in on the acting because a) it's silly and fun and b) she doesn't really want to think about the trial and everything that happened there anymore, it really shook her up. Sharp-tongued Vienna was a perfect fit for her and she even got to tease Blain on stage a bit so all in all a great opportunity. She's great at improvising and has a lot of presence + she gets along with Zarad well so it was fun to play together. And she totally jived with the pirate chicken attack.

2. Gifts! :3 Lien Hua likes her gifts to be practical, useful. Part of is her personality, part of it is because it's less emotionally vulnerable to give something that another person can use (no matter their feelings towards the source) rather than something that would only have value based on the recipient's relationship with her. She absolutely overthinks stuff like this. 

During the Summit, she'd probably want to give Jarrod something he could use but that'd also encourage his growth. I can see her getting him a small and good quality leather journal, thinking that since he has so many (usually negative) opinions on everything, he could use a place to write them down instead of bellowing them to the world. Of course she wouldn't frame it like that, she'd make it into something much more ego-stroking and say it's for recording aaaall his victories and successful hunts and thoughts because someone like him must have soooo many of them to share wink wink. 

Nayeli's a bit more chill about gifting, she just enjoys seeing people's reactions to whatever she saw that made her think of them. She also likes her gifts to feel like treasure so they usually come with a tale about how she found it.. or some embellished backstory she made up on the spot to entertain. Blain loves beautifying himself so it'd be super obvious to get him something in that vein, and lucky for him Nay loves sparklies too so she'd get him some pretty accessory like the cravat pin mentioned in game. Coupled with a cheeky but effusive letter with tons of extremely blatant praise.

Handwriting-wise, it's kind of a funny contrast in a way. Nay's dad was very big on calligraphy practice and all that so even though it was boring for her all these hours spent on practicing made it so that Nay's handwriting is actually really nice and legible, you wouldn't think it belongs to her at first. The letters are well-formed even though they might have a bit of a forward slant when she writes fast (which is often), she also adds little flourishes here and there, if you're really observant you'd notice it reflects her mood too, she presses her pen hard if frustrated or irritated. Her letters are very stream of consciousness, she doesn't really compose them before hand unless it's really important/official. 

Lien Hua's handwriting is very efficient, not a great feat of calligraphy but not illegible. It's somewhat nicer when she writes in Jiyeli, but in general its the kind of handwriting you'd be happy to see if you borrowed study notes from someone. There's not much flourish, the letters are small and evenly spaced. Her hands tremble when she's extremely stressed or upset though, if you see her letters get wobbly it means things are really bad. She reads a lot of course so her letters sound nice, with long and thoughtful paragraphs. At the same time, she can be a bit warmer in her letters than in person. She's not always good at saying the emotional stuff openly. 

3. This part might be a bit disappointing because I usually don't go very deep with the names and go with the flow of what feels nice / seems culturally appropriate.

Lien Hua was my very first character I played and her name mostly comes from me liking the sound and meaning for it and deciding to use it when I immediately got Jiyel and saw the cultural inspiration behind it. But it means "lotus" and sounds feminine so it works well for a daughter's name in a traditional family.

Nayeli's name I put slightly more thought into! It actually means "I love you", and the love you feel in the Pirate!MCs family, on all sides, is so touching that I wanted it reflected in how they named their daughter.

Design-wise, Lien Hua was actually supposed to be wearing mainly pastel pink in the original iteration but it didn't feel right so I played around with colours until I got something that works. Also, her dress is heavily based on an ao dai, though with a skirt to make it more princessy. She'd absolutely wear pants to the Summit if she could get away with it, though.

Nay I wanted to be colorful and warm and also a bit chaotic and sparkly, I was inspired by this dress: https://pin.it/WUIqGZRGr so that's where the black/yellow combo started. The green in her jewelry is for some extra contrast, though I played around with different shades until it felt right ^^

[vetrenar]

Ok, the second part of my rambles or why hugging Knives should be considered a form of convention weapon and must be used as often as possible.

A little disclaimer: what I'm gonna to talk about is applied mostly to Stampede and manga Knives. Not so much to 98, because while, objectively speaking, there is no reason for it, I kind of have a feeling that other two would very like to punch him to a pulp. The guy has an incredibly punchable face.

...Sorry, wrong picture.

Now, a question. Does Vash love Knives?

Yes, of course. Despite everything Knives did, Vash still consider him his brother and wants them to put away their difference.

Next question: Does Knives feel this love? Or, maybe, I'll paraphrase a bit: does he believe in it?

And here things become tricky. Because yeah, at some level Knives knows that Vash loves him. His little brother is a kind creature, after all, that's ready to share his heart with the whole world. He wants to save humans, wants to save Plants, why not to want to save Knives too, in this mix?

The problem is, Vash, bless his heart and everything, is a damn hypocrite. He gives promises that he isn't able to keep, runs from places to places doing essentially nothing and always, always, always, puts humans first.

So yeah, he loves Knives. Just as he loves his sisters, or maybe worms on this planet. As long as humans are safe, Vash is ready to feel sorry for them, or maybe even ask for forgiveness for everything humans put them through. They'll become better, one day.

And the worst part? Knives isn't exactly wrong in his assessment. Because Vash does put humans first, Stampede especially. And although a big part of the reason for that comes from his guilt complex and well, Knives, maybe you should have thought it a little better before putting it on your brother, but the fact stays: between a Plant and a human, Vash will instinctively choose a human.

Now, let's talk about the aftermath of Tessla's case. Stampede very suspiciously omitted most part of it, showing only Knives' choice of Vash's memories (and keep in mind that the whole point of that showcase was to break Vash, so Knives' "confession" of his motivations can't be taken at face value) and I will die on the hill that in the second season we're going to get Knives' round of it, but for now, let's go with the manga.

We know how it did go: while Vash had his emotional breakdown, Knives fell into coma. It isn't clear, did he faked his amnesia or not but even he didn't, the subconscious trauma still stayed.

And the first thing he saw after waking up? Vash and Rem, laughing together.

Think about this. Vash saw the extent of Knives shock, watching his brother being comatose for days. Even though he wasn't conscious, Vash had an affirmation that his twin shares his grief. Knives, though? He didn't have a chance to see Vash's resentment, desperation and anger. For him, his brother just... Brushed it off. Made a peace with it. And even if the wording was different, even if he was told something like "I understand if you're angry" - Knives already lost his affirmation. He had no chance of showing his anger, not when his twin was so calm about the matter and obviously decided to stay at humans side.

For Knives, Vash has already abandoned him for humans. Forgiveness is a thing that exist for sake of a victim, not a perpetrator, but Vash has already forgave theirs, therefore forcibly dragging Knives along before he even really started to proceed everything.

And so, Knives acted as he, with this mental block, was allowed to:

... And you know the reason of the story.

And after that? Constant arguing about how they should forgive and accept humans. (For manga, it's after the Fall, but in Stampede it started already on the ship. I'm sure that Knives read Bible before, just like he watched war movies before in manga. But after Tessla, he started to see evil there). Open expressions of fury, fear and hate from somebody who is never bothered to even become a bit angry on their sisters' behalf. A gun in your face after you saved his life.

Yeah, Vash's feeling are much more complicated than that. Alas, Knives doesn't have much chance to see that. From his point of view, Vash is ready to forgive humans everything, but Knives? He gets a gun and speeches how they all should live in peace. With a great plan mostly consisting of Plants forgivinig humans until they become better.

So, at some point Knives just... stops listening. He already knows what his brother thinks about him. It doesn't matter. Knives won't let Vash's hate stop his love for him. Gunshots, Vash's cries of anger, pain, fear - it all become a white noise that should be ignored.

Ignore when they hurt you, just do your thing and come to them again and again, and one day they will listen to you? Ironically, but for most part, it's exactly how Knives tries to act with Vash. Well, in his own, a bit psychotic, version of things, with him not only waiting but also taking some actions. (Ok, a lot of actions.)

And it's incredible how all that cold and collected persona dissipates on 12 ep of Stampede, where Knives is left with nothing but a desperation to make his brother understand. Only for Vash, when Knives lays his heart bare, to reject him. Again.

And Vash has his own reasons. Completely understandable reasons, I would say, because while he is a superhuman only in physical sense on things. He had his own anger, and pain, and fear, and inner struggle. Knives hurt him enormously and there is no wonder that Vash doesn't want to give up his stance. And he shouldn't, really. But...

Knives isn't strong, at least, mentally. He created this illusion of being the older, the one in charge, to protect himself (in Stampede, this illusion starts a bit earlier, with him being the "perfect Independent" who for some reason should hide his powers and "weak" Vash, who is, by Rem's words, "perfect as he is") but in the end this made-up hierarchy harmed both him and Vash, locking them in their respective positions. And Knives was motivated by fear, he wanted protection, wanted Vash to stand up for him - something what Vash, who for so many years saw Knives as the strongest one, the one who decides, the one who must be defeated, wasn't capable to do and had no idea about. He had his own personal growth to do, and couldn't be the mentally senior figure Knives needed.

And that's why one day I going to write this fic about TriMax Vash finding himself in Stampede world. These idiots clearly need an older brother.

For Knives, Vash was the one who abandoned him, again, again and again. The one who blabbed about love and peace while aiming a gun at him. For over hundred years, there was only one case when Vash prioritized Knives over everything else, took his side clearly enough that there were no ways left for Knives to doubt it.

And guess what? This single act snapped Knives out his frenzy better that all these bullets before that.

And I'm quite sure that Stampede plot could be quite shorter if upon that meeting five years after the Fall, Vash would confirmed that yes, he understood Knives' ire before confronting him over humans death. Like, the kid was one hug away from breaking down. Too bad that he never allowed himself acknowledge it.

So, the moral of the story: hug your Kniveses. Be cautious, though, because while Vashes bite, Kniveses... Let's say that they aren't very good for your extremities. Assert your dominance with care and don't force them to bottle up their anger, even unintentionally. If you do it right, everything will be fine.

... Well, maybe. Hope for the best, one day it surely will be alright.

[blkkizzat]

Well hello, I don't know exactly how to say this but basically I read your story about Gojo Otaku exactly 9 days ago but I only had time now to send this message (my college is still giving me burnout) but first of all I want to say that I'm using google translate so if anything seems confusing I apologize

PRIMEIRO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MUITO OBRIGADO POR MUDAR MINHA VIDA

SECOND. I spent 2 hours reading your story, a much longer time than I usually read any story because I feel represented (let's say humiliated) with the story.

recently I saw several stories about "loser" or "nerdy" girls and I kind of identify with all of them but your story about Gojo Otaku made me identify with Gojo and the protagonist

The first anime I saw in my life, being Brazilian, was Dragon Ball, it was on the biggest open television channel in my country and right after it, Digimon was on, so my brother was drinking coffee watching Dragon Ball and then I was watching Digimon doing homework so I LOVED it. Digimon and I have some dolls that I treat as if they were my children

my father is also a nerd he collects DC and Marvel comics, Lord of the Rings, Smallville I watch the Nolan trilogy in the cinema so you can see my dignity is "nerd, virgin over 20"

but since I was 15, nature blessed me with my mother's beauty so suddenly I'm a girl with big breasts talking about CW series and complaining about Marvel movies. and today I'm a 23 year old girl with big boobs talking about Jujutsu, One Piece, Sakamoto Days and discussing the size of the characters' dicks and how the female characters would fuck me. and I'M STILL A VIRGIN AHAHAHAHA.

with every line I read of your story I was crying and screaming and thinking

HOLY SHIT IT'S ME IT'S ME

the icing on the cake? I'm Asexual so it's not that I haven't tried to have sex but I can't crying in the jail of asexuals with high libido

I also shared your story among my circle of friends and they got into an argument (again) about Gojo being passive (which, look, I also don't know how to say no to someone of the same sex dominating me)

I know this must be the longest and most rambling shit you've ever read but I NEEDED TO TELL YOU YOUR STORY IT'S IN MY HEAD FOR FREE WITHOUT PAYING RENT

well that's it! I can't wait to see more from this idiot and the reader!

kisses and happiness!!!

Hey! TYSM for enjoying otaku!gojo 🫶🏽 💖

Happy you can relate! Haha I think we all have a lil otaku!gojo in us.

But thats so cool having parents into nerd shit too! My parents werent but my uncles were. DBZ was one of my first anime too! I never watched digimon as i was a pokemon girlie but im honestly not sure why, i think it came on a different network and at the same time as pokemon so i never got the chance. But I researched it looking up stuff for otaku!gojo, I def would have enjoyed it as a kid.

Also theres nothing wrong with still being a virgin! Honestly, while I think everyone has to make the choice when is right for themselves I am a bigger proponent of waiting as the older you are the more likely you are to have a better experience. If you aren't comfortable enough with someone to express sexual needs you either don't need to be having it with that person or having it at all. That's why even though it added to his quirky/weirdoness in the story I made Gojo's parents so sex positive. Honestly thats why Bunny felt like a virgin again even though she is a slut lol, sex with someone who cares about your needs and who you care about is a much different experience. Then hooking up with someone out for their own pleasure and you being an after thought. With college hookup culture you are more or less guaranteed to have a mediocre experience.

I honestly don't know much about asexuality but from my understanding sexual desire is different than attraction. Although I totally get the repulsion of having sex with someone you are not attracted too (honestly theres been some drunken nights i just wanted to get my nut and kinda just closed my eyes LOL). But perhaps find a friends with benefits situation where you establish you'd be open to sex but want to get to know them first. While it wouldnt be sexual attraction, you might be able to reconcile that with the fact you care about this person and feel comfortable enough around them so you could satisfy your desire? Theres asexuals with relationships so I think being upfront or maybe finding someone else who is asexual with a high libido too you would feel less pressure? IDK but I am sure there is still a way for you to be sexually gratified even though you are asexual!

hmm im curious to know more! do they think gojo in my story is passive or do they think gojo as a character is more passive?

but no worries babe! Sorry ive been so busy im so slow with answering asks lately but please feel free to drop in my inbox anytime! 🫶🏽 💖