#awkward situations all around
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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@raven-6-10
So the thing is. The only Fleurets with magic are the women. It's not a matter of them only training the girls, the boys just straight up don't have magic.
Mind you, the men are still as much 'blood of the Oracle' as their mothers and sisters, and it's not uncommon for their daughters or granddaughters to pop with magic, though it's not exactly common either. Tenebrae keeps as close an eye on their royal bloodline as the Lucis Caelums do, for similar reasons. I hc that only the Oracle/Oracle's Heir get Oracle training, but non-Oracle women of the family still have the magic.
On top of that, Besithia can't full on clone any of his Oracle samples - the chances of someone recognizing the dna 'donor' is too high. That's a political nightmare better avoided. So Besithia is splicing the Oracle dna with his own dna in this au, and cloning the resulting combinations.
There's two ways I can go about this, if I choose to make Prompto a Fleuret.
First, I can keep Prompto male. He won't have magic, but his daughters could potentially have magic, which is a very long way down the road panic attack if no one figures out that he's a Fleuret before that point and tells him. Prompto's still getting photobombed of course, and Pryna will still check up on him, but there's a chance Gentiana never says anything to the Nox Fleurets or to Prompto, because a secret branch of the Oracle Line offers extra security, especially after Niflheim attacking Fenestala Manor.
There's always the possibility of Sylva or Luna recognizing Fleuret traits in Prompto if they ever meet in Insomnia (because I still have no idea where my plot is going in the long run so it's a possibility), which has fun political fallout to deal with, depending on whose dna was used as Prompto's Oracle 'parent' - Sylva's parent, Sylva herself, or Ravus. (Ravus would be hysterical because Prompto would technically be Ravus' child, all of eight years younger than Ravus himself. Especially if Besithia used the X chromosome from Ravus in an effort to get the Oracle magic, therefore making Ravus technically Prompto's maternal genetic donor.)
Second option is I make Prompto a girl. In which case Prompto gets one hell of a surprise when she's in primary school. Her parents are probably partially if not chronically absent at this point, so the only person Prompto has to hide her magic from is her babysitter (which she definitely has because otherwise hello CPS) which likely isn't all that difficult.
Only, Prompto doesn't know she's adopted. Her parents were chosen because they were retired Lucian operatives that regularly operated in Niflheim, due to being able to pass themselves off as Niflheimr, so her mother is blonde while her father has light brown hair, both with pale complexions, light eyes, and somewhat aristocratic features that allowed them to blend into Niflheim's middle to upper middle classes.
Aristocratic features present amongst much of the nobility - Niflheimr and Lucian alike.
Prompto doesn't think she's an Oracle child. She thinks she's a Lucis Caelum.
After all, she's got magic. She's got bright blue eyes - where her parents have grey and green - and a bit of digging on the internet pops up a couple pictures of Queen Vita with a delicate scattering of freckles across her face and shoulders, just like Prompto, and not like Prompto's parents.
Which is really awkward, because the late Queen Aulea would've been barely pregnant with Prince Noctis when King Regis supposedly knocked up her mother, given the two months between Prompto and Noctis' birthdays.
Prompto doesn't say a word of any of this to her parents. She knows her parents used to work for the Crown, if not in what capacity, but she knows they don't anymore. But since they're raising Prompto and not the King, Prompto figures either the King didn't want her, or the King doesn't know. And Prompto has no idea what would happen if she came forward.
Sure, her parents are gone more often than not, but she still loves them! They're her parents. She doesn't want to get them in trouble or lose them.
Prompto resolves to make sure no one ever finds out about her magic, and to stay far away from the King.
A resolve that crumbles in the time it takes for Prompto to meet Noctis for the first time at school and decide to befriend her lonely half-brother.
What is Besithia doing in Spark!Ardyn au? Considering his pet projects got thoroughly torched by an annoyed Astral, along with his lab.
Besithia doesn’t strike me as the type to let an Astral throwing a hissy fit get in the way of his goals. Well, not for long, anyways.
Haven’t played through Episode Ardyn yet and it’s been awhile since I watched a walkthrough, but iirc Besithia books it either when the Royal Guard shows up to have a go at killing Ardyn, or when Ifrit wakes up pissed as fuck. Either way, Besithia is too busy running to avoid getting flambéd to see that Ardyn did not get immolated with the rest of the lab.
So with his lab turned to ash and charred and melted scrap - and assuming Ardyn’s ashes are in there as well - Besithia is back to not square one, but like, square two with his daemon experiments. Only now there’s the issue of Ifrit being awake, and that Astral isn’t known for being fond of humans.
And Besithia doubts he’s on the Astral’s Winter Solstice card list.
First Besithia has to fess up to the Emperor about his colossal fuck up - lost an expensive lab, lost the experiments he’d invested so much money in, and there’s now a pissed off Astral on the loose - and hope Iedolas doesn’t decide to cut his losses where Besithia is concerned. Besithia is in luck. Iedolas isn’t pleased with Besithia, but the Emperor gives Besithia a chance to mitigate his mistake by coming up with a way to counter an Astral.
So begin Besithia’s experiments into countering divine magic. With the added difficulty of finding a source of divine magic to test his results on.
Niflheim can already clone food, surely humans can’t be that much more difficult? Ardyn’s genetic samples all burned up in his lab, so Besithia starts with his own dna to perfect the process.
Once he gets that - the successful subjects are placed under observation to monitor development even as they are placed in various homes - Besithia moves on to acquiring a suitable genetic sample from either the line of the Oracles or Lucis Caelums.
Depending how long it takes Besithia to reach this stage, his options are Sylva’s Fleuret parent, Sylva herself, baby Ravus, Mors, or Regis. At which point Besithia starts trying to clone subjects in the hope of them inheriting magic so he can test countering divine magic on them. Instead of having to test it on a fully aware Oracle or a trial by fire on an angry Astral.
Only, it turns out magic doesn’t really play well with cloning attempts so Besithia’s gonna be at this for awhile.
#ffxv#Spark!Ardyn au#Prompto Argentum#awkward situations all around#Cor had no idea what the babies in the labs were for when he broke in#if he had he would've raised Prompto himself or kept a much closer eye on Prompto to protect Prompto#even once Besithia figures out that female specimens are required to be able inherit Oracle magic he finds it very difficult to guarantee i#it's a *very very* low rate#and the results don't show until the babies are three or four#and that's in a healthy baby - for those in less than ideal environments it can take the magic longer to develop#hc that LCs develop magic sooner because their magic is more martially oriented and can act as as last line of defense#and stress causes LCs to develop it sooner out of a survival instinct#but Oracle magic it's the opposite#Besithia might not *have* a baby with magic by the time Prompto pops with magic#which adds another risk if anyone finds out she does have magic because Niflheim will *absolutely* try to take her back#and the POLITICAL fallout if Sylva ever finds out about Prompto being her daughter/granddaughter#Niflheim would be in some serious trouble#still don't know if I'll go the route of Fleuret!Prompto - of either gender#but it's a fun idea nonetheless
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🍷🍷🍷
🍷 Jake's family causes the hangster break up
“What about you man?” Javy inquires as they clink their beers together, settling in to catch up while they wait for the others to join them. “You, uh, finally catch up with Mav?” Hiding his grimace at the question by taking a sip, he gives a little shrug. “Sort of. It’s, uh, a, a lot but we’re slowly working our way back to being family again.” Javy nods, smiling encouragingly at him. “Man, that's great. I’m happy for you. Really.” He pauses, taking a sip of his own beer like he was pausing or trying to psych himself up before he finally blurts out, “Jake’s dating again. Finally, and um. I wanted to give you a heads up, because well.” He trails off, eyes flicking from Bradley to the bar top and back again and again and again before he seems to power on.
Make Nixie Write!
#catarina4057#nixie answers#make nixie write#hangster#seresin family ruins sereshaw#javy is just trying to look out for his bestie#but also for his former friend#because before the breakup. javy and bradley were pretty close.#so it's an awkward situation all around for them all#but they get there in the end!#which is all that matters#sereshaw
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i think it fucks immensely that bk moon went out of his way to 1) establish rakiel wished to live a long life and eventually pass away of old age, 2) have him very briefly envy an immortal being only to be told very clearly to be careful what he wishes for by that very same person because living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be, 3) make the main antagonist be another immortal being who is so desperate to die he's willing to destroy the universe just to finally rest and 4) have said antagonist psychologically torture rakiel with the threat of making him live for a thousand years as everyone he loves and knows eventually grows old and dies and becomes nothing but forgotten memories.
only to then end the novel by making rakiel also immortal
like. god. it's so fucking good i love it. i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely think it fucks and it's one of the best ways bk moon could've wrapped up the plot.
it's a happy ending by all means but it has consequences and through the entire novel we've been shown and told over and over again just how heavy the consequences are and/or will be on rakiel.
he got his happy ending but it was at a price and by the last time we see him he's only just starting to pay for it.
it's great i love it
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#cpsm spoilers#rakiel magentano#i also think it's funny that this puts bk moon in the very awkward position when it comes to his 'romance' with adeline#because either rakiel allows her to remain human and sees her grow old and eventually die just like acheros threatened him with#(and like he will do with absolutely everyone he loves anyway <3)#or he keeps her alive and frozen in time just like acheros wanted to do with him forcing her to be cut off from the world#in most ways that matter and see the people she loves grow old and die. again. just like acheros threatened to do with him :)#like. either way. the situations sucks for them <33#i do think it's cheap if he can make her immortal without it being a big deal. because. why wouldn't it be.#it would be absolutely broken if absolutes can just. make people immortal for funsies whenever they want. that would be bad writing.#but again i also think it's cheap that he made alicia an angel for no other reason than bc someone needed to remind us lloyd is married#to a woman actually. like. she doesn't even do anything why did you ruin the absolute tragedy that is being an immortal being surrounded#by very mortal humans just to make awful 'my wife is annoying' jokes. i hate you.#sigh. it's lose/lose when it comes to women with this man and his choices.#either they're fridged to make his male characters sad or they become the butt of misogynistic jokes. i cannot fucking win.#ANYWAY. do i think any of this was on purpose? maybe idk i certainly hope so and want to believe it is because otherwise it would be#too much of a coincidence but like. this is also the man who wrote a character very explicitly and clearly wishing to live a quiet life#with his family in his middle-of-nowhere estate where nothing ever happens with no contact at all with royalty and court#so he can laze about and do absolutely nothing. and then married him to a queen who cannot stand lazy people and squeezes the last bit#of talent of everyone around her. and he saw nothing wrong with this. so like. i genuinely cannot tell with this man sometimes 🙃🙃
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Sorority girl rushtok rant
#I'm so irrationally angry about the bamamorgan situation#as an active sister (i also hold relevant director positions and have been on recruitment member selection and director/exec selection#committees) in a much smaller and more relax led chapter than any of bamas we would have still be cautious about extending a bid to her#her fanbase is so emotionally involved in her sorority success (like a bunch of 35-50 year olds went to walk around the old row houses in#the summer these are literally just fancy dorms which is so creepy) like you don't want to be living with and partying with and doing phil#with someone who is giving reports to the tiktok moms#like as sisters we are constantly told to be careful about what we post that is related to the org and in these big chapters EVERYTHING you#post is considered a reflection so you shouldn't be calling certain houses top tier (because zta and phi mu wouldn't have been kind to her)#and It's really frustrating to see her continue to milk the situation by posting what she would have worn each day#like it's encouraging her fans to go harrass sisters in all orgs!!#also she rushed last year and turned down the bid she got from a “bottom tier” org#she's not going to get a COB bid because everyone knows her and there's a very limited number of non-first years allowed in#like i feel bad for her but this process works the way it does so you aren't desperately trying to find a place in a chapter that didn't#want you it's called running home for a reason#also the tiktok sorority moms/aunts need to stop constantly talking about greek life#it makes it so much more awkward for our social media teams knowing their ideas are now discussion pieces for women still angry about being#rejected as young adults
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Man... I grew up with Chuggaconroy.
I loved his Pokémon lets plays, his Paper Mario lets plays, his Zelda lets plays... Phantom Hourglass in particular.
I was so happy to see his reaction to TTYD.
Emile... I'm so disappointed in you. And I hate to be harsh, but after reading the Google doc of you grooming a minor, I have to say... You're so fucking disgusting. I hope you get the help you need but I cannot support your content anymore.
#chuggaconroy#chuggaaconroy#emile#*sighs*#lets play#seriously man#I am so disappointed in you#you were a goofy wholesome awkward guy#why did you have to be a fucking creep#god#2024 is really giving and taking#I also saw he's in the hospital right now#I do not condone anything he's done but suicide (if thats what is happening) isn't the right way to go about it#its just a bad situation all around#I also do not care what consenting adults do behind closed doors but... one of his victims wasn't an adult.
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Thinks abt Sif Odile duo looping au. When the two who can't read eachother for shit get thrown into the horrors together
#rat rambles#stars posting#my favorite sif relationship within the party is them and odile so I had to at least try rotating this idea in my head even if trying to#write these guys makes me anxious as hell#its just like. siffrin has such a complex around this middle age woman its both funny and sad to me#and odile just does not realize this and it creates such a rift between their understanding of eachother#they both care abt eachother so much but it's hard for them to bridge that gap sometimes#and its a weird situation imaging them looping together because idk if thatd help things or make them way worse#because siffrin is allergic to dealing with his own issues and odile struggles with addressing said issues when shes not certain of what#they are and since she's not particularly great at reading the emotional side of things she'd probably struggle a lot with that#its just interesting imagining how the two could potentially both grow closer and drift farther apart over the course of the loops#which applies to all duo looping aus but Im particularly invested in these two so theyre who Im thinking abt#like idk just something abt odile slowly realizing how sif sees her appeals to me deeply#also I like thinking abt early on stuff where it's more lighthearted and they get to have some fun in the early loope#I do think theres a lot of awkwardness in the air especially on siffrins end but I like to think theyd have a lil fun with it#for better or for worse in the long run#odile and siffrin sitting clueless as they hand craft a whole bunch of new things for siffrin to beat himself up over later#and odile as well I want her to realize that sif has been internalizing this shit and quietly spiral over it#anyways I need to to to bed now gn
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I miss you
#V mourning#you've been on my mind a lot lately#...not like you ever left#I can't read anything about twins without thinking of you#fuck I miss you so much#I might have to tell my current course supervisors about you soon#I don't want to#but I know that they will be a lot more sympathetic of my situation if they know about you#the cherry trees are blooming again#I don't know if yours is#you should be here to see it. you shoukd be here. you should be here#you're so fucking cruel to do this to me. I miss you so much#this grief is going to haunt me for a long time you know#every single new person I meet doesn't know#which is more of a lie? to tell a stranger that I have one brother? or to tell them I have two?#do I hold my tongue on all my stories that feature you? talk around who exactly the person in the story is?#do I pretend you're still alive? talk about my twin as if it's nothing?#I can't tell them that you're dead. I don't want their pity. don't want to make the conversation awkward#but fuck. when someone asks about my family? about my tattoo?#when my tutors send me a dsappointed look when I apologise for oversleeping again?#I just want to cry and cry and cry#I miss you#I hope you're haunting every fucking cherry tree I walk past#I don't believe in ghosts in the slightest#but you better fucking be haunting me
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[Every time Koto does something off the cuff and wholly unexpected, my muses who are totally unprepared for 99.5% of anything she does, are at a total loss as to wth they're supposed to do and it's just so funny.]
#koto tossing them in situations I too did not expect#jianyu in the 4423432 yrs of his creation has never been made to roll around in flowers#he's tired#he's too socially awkward like cloud for all this#SFKSJDFHDSFDSDSFDS#;ooc jabber#;tbd
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catching up on fantasy high junior year and Oh Boy Lads, Riz Is Going To Continue To Hit Close To Home For Several Reasons Huh
#the conversation with his mom where she's just like. SO gently explaining that their financial situation is worse than ever#and that even with all the pressure he puts on himself and his perfect grades and Singleminded Focus(tm) it STILL might not be enough#to go to college/etc because he's going to be relying on scholarships to go.....#MAN.#the difference is that his mom sits him down and talks to him about it gently#and mine made me feel like an idiot for wanting more for myself. lol.#also last season not only confirming him as an aroace character but like. actually EXPLORING that and exploring his fears#that his friends are eventually going to leave him. :(#and just. idk man his whole deal being that hes kind of a Socially Awkward Loser who puts an intense amt of pressure on himself#to achieve academically and be Smart and Useful and make sure everyone Needs Him Around because he's so afraid no one Wants him around :(#AUGH. kin
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if ur making a collection of good dance scenes in cinema and u dont include rain man, jojo rabbit, or moonrise kingdom, you will start to cough in 2 days.
#MORE PEOPLE SHOULD TALK ABOUT RAIN MAN#I WAS A MESS AFTER THIS MOVIE BRO#THEM DANCING TOGETHER????? OH MY GOD#THAT SCENE I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME#the jojo rabbit dancing scene. what if i kms#its so amazing#so perfectly awkward and beautiful and youthful and so ??? free???? more than anything else#jojo rabbit rips your heart out and crushes it#then carefully stitched it back up and hands it to you and gently tells you that its going to be okay and theres still hope for the world#theres so much hope even in the most hopeless situations#THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!!#THEY WILL!!!!!!!!!!!#i love that dancing in movies has become such a symbol of freedom#and hope and youth#its such a human way to express your emotions#youre feeling really happy? youre listening to music you like and youre feeling amazing?#flair your arms!!!!! twirl around!!!!! jump up and down!!!!!!!!!#its so beautiful to me#i should make another post about the rain man dance scene#im running out of space#movies#rain man#jojo rabbit#dancing in movies
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very impossible to find the balance between "i want my friends to be able to talk to me about their problems and tell me when they're struggling" and "i am extremely emotionally fragile at the moment because i'm doing very badly and talking about very heavy topics especially with no warning is not something i feel capable of dealing with right now because i'm on the verge of a violent mental breakdown"
#i guess i need to find a way of telling people that i'm in that headspace in the first place#because i probably seem completely fine#but i can't tell people those things unless they explicitly invite me to do so first#so i'm assuming everyone just looks at me and goes yeah you seem fine so i can unload all this heavy stuff on you and you'll be able to cop#but unfortunately. i cannot and i feel guilty about it#but i already have way more bad days than good and when i have to hear people talking about like#very intense personal trauma and suicide and shit#it throws me off for the rest of the day and i go nonverbal until i can go straight home and sob until i fall asleep#and that is not an exaggeration it keeps happening to me with multiple different people#i don't want anyone to feel like they have to pretend around me in any way#but i also don't know how to cope with hearing intense things like this when i'm on a knife's edge mentally all the time#and i cannot afford to keep cutting my days so much shorter when i should be working#and also like when people DO talk to me about these things it's like#it's good they can get it off their chest#but now i'm holding onto all of the stuff they've just told me as well as the stuff i was already secretly holding onto about my own life#and now i have to go home alone with nowhere to put any of it because i don't have anyone to talk to#i've had people tell me this is therapeutic to talk about this stuff#but it's not for me because i'm not talking i'm just listening and then being overwhelmed and triggered and upset about it all#and most of it probably boils down to the fact that i cannot express my own feelings or tell people my boundaries#in situations this sensitive because it's so like. precarious and awkward#but i'm like i can't deal with it all the time it's too much
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I saw the "#is there yaoi in the arakawa family" tag basically right as it popped up in the notes and was also left completely dead on the pavement, but honestly? As someone who is wholly and irrevocably AraSawa-pilled (whether said pill is red or blue in color is up to interpretation...), it's objectively SO much funnier if they're just Like That. I love your comics on the topic!
There's also some element of this post I saw earlier I think, divorced from the sexual context since it's not really relevant to what I want to talk about (you'll just have to bear with me there I guess lol, can't help what the post says). It's also still pretty melodramatic applied to them (even for me) when it chiefly is just. Hilarious. But what I'm trying to say is that, taking a more serious approach, "unresolved potential" is such a compelling and central recurring beat here, so what's one more instance?
I guess that post kind of presupposes that there is or could be yaoi, but I think it's kind of like. The concept of "yuri of absence." But with dads. Like that's along the lines of the emotion things like the pair of armchairs on the second floor of Jo's office evokes in me. Honestly I think this particular ask is probably one of the least intelligible I've sent and I'll probably regret it. But. It's. They're married. But they're not. But They're Married. BUT THEY'RE NOT. But th
after meeting with The Arakawa Family Council the verdict i bring to everyone today on Is There Yaoi In The Arakawa Family is:
Well,
#fave#snap chats#OK BUT NO I FEEL LIKE I AGREE TOTALLY#like it really is... indescribable.... like what's going on here... because it's definitely something..... but not THAT but????#yeah they're married but i don't think they know that.#like its different from the married/divorced energy between kashiwagi and kazama yk what i mean#it's like. when hummingbirds co-evolve with flowers right.#like they just ACCIDENTALLY co-exist perfectly with each other after being around each other so long#like it infinitely is better if its just limbo situation where its like. What Do We Even Label This As. Should We. Do We.#cause again it's infinitely funnier if this all happens and they arent the slightest bit aware#desperately need a montage of arakawa and jo just being in really domestic situations together#but like. with the most This Isn't Anything Serious energy right#like ichi running into the office and jo and arakawa are just having a cute lil candlelit dinner#and ichi just Oh Is This Like... A Thing... but neither of them blink arakawa just wanna know what ichi wants like :)?#thank you for enjoying my comics on the idea though it's really fun walking the line between Being Serious and just Being Silly#i need to make more... but im so busy.... ill just rotate them in my head for now#ill just rb my old faves on the idea lmao#like its funny to toe being For Real bout it if not so i can make more silly slice of life manga parodies#i think itd just be funny if jo experiences human emotion for the first time and its in the most awkward situation imaginable#yk. the drama of it all its so goofy#ohhh but i dont wanna write my silly essay about them.. not now anyway... i do enjoy them immensely tho.#in case that wasn't evident. i'll ramble about them in another post of mine im sure :)#but yes thank you for your input i was hoping you'd come around LMAO i needed that peer review#and im glad- as per usual- we came to the same conclusion. We Don't Know.#edit: in review as it turns out its not old man yaoi its old man yuri. thats my final answer im locking it in
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idk what to think anymore are people too intimidated to talk to me or do they just think i must have an arrogant personality and avoid me (all based on my blank facial expression and sense of style)
#i literally. have to do all the talking in awkward social situations these days it's crazy#like bc we have to do a lot of group work in spanish for example#i try to put my best foot forward (for the grade. help anyway) but ppl seem so#wary around me..#like im really not mean I'm actually extremely tired and also unwell but i act like im put together and i smile a lot when forced to#at this point. idk if the reason i havent been asked out before is bc i seem unapproachable bc im Too Cool#or bc i seem legitimately boring or obnoxious and thus Too Lame#z.post
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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so i should have been finishing my citizenship application but instead i blazed through a bunch of online autism diagnosis tests (bc i've seen my friends doing it for months now and i knew that if i didn't do it quicklyyy i would angst over it for another 3 months)
in conclusion: first of all, for the RAADS-R test, i definitely scored above the threshold, and for most other tests as well. second of all: it went okay, but i do still really hate standardized tests about personality/mental stuff (i don't hate standardized tests in general even if i think they're not the best means of info gathering, and for some subjects i love them)(ie. for pathophysiology good, for literature bad). but it's just a constant struggle of second-guessing questions all the time, and to be honest, so many questions feel like they do not even apply to me in the first place, or are somewhat skewed by context/background.
e.g., do i enjoy social events/gatherings? well, usually yes! because they're so rare.
do i like having friends? yes!! bc i know so many friends who are also into my specific interests and projects that we can collaborate on.
anything academic or social related i think is also skewed by the fact that, well, i was homeschooled in K-12 and got to dive into school as much as i wanted and as much as was expected of me (which was apparently a lot, but, not forced?? my parent never hovered, in fact was quite hands-off, but they simply assumed we would take to it, and we did). in standardized testing in the 6th grade i was already scoring at a post-high school level (i.e. post-12th grade) in every subject, but i don't think that was any extraordinary achievement, that was simply a 'we must be doing a good job' result. no one in my family thinks that's abnormal, and i don't even think that myself; in fact, they (immigrants) would probably just say the US standards are abysmally low. i enjoy social situations now, but again, it's the social situations i choose to put myself into. why go to a social situation i dislike?
i felt that way about many questions - like, for example, can i tell if someone is getting bored by what i'm saying? yes, but will that stop me talking? depends. do i have difficulty doing something that doesn't interest me? you fool, i will simply make it into something that does interest me.
finally, there's age-related changes. as a child i used to be extremely scrupulous regarding scheduling, lists, room cleanliness, grammar, rules, etc. but as an adult i have loosened up considerably although i still like predictability.
the only thing that i find consistent is that i tend to have extremely strong interests in things. there wasn't any need for me to give my 9th grade teacher a cellular breakdown of how milk is created in a project on farm animals (listen - they asked how milk is created !!! it must mean on a DETAILED level right?), but i wanted to. for the record, the bibliography alone on that project reached 4 pages (wheeze). but to be honest, and i mean this sincerely, i am continuously surprised that this is apparently not how most people feel. to me, if the teacher is great and the subject is one you like, why wouldn't you? i wondered if it was instead that the class was just not the right fit for some students, and therein lies the problem - is it neurodivergence, or is it just the right environment that encourages specific interests? and, even if i am ND, i don't think i ever even thought of it while i was in k-12, bc i simply felt like all my 'eccentricities/interests' were encouraged. and so now in college i feel no need to hide anything. i would proudly march into my patho class in my flamboyant doctor who get-up or jedi robe - and then still do well. it does feel performative, but after all, i am in theatre for now...
i will say the one impression i strongly came away from in all this: my parents would probably both score MUCH higher on these (i have basically no sensory issues; my mom definitely does)(my dad is extremely precise and organized - but also, he is German ManTM).
#also i forgot to mention - my RAADS-R score was 99 and my cat-q was 112#the thresholds are 65 and 100 respectively (i also took a bunch of other tests there but i won't list them all)#not terribly high but again i feel like i have spent. so little time really in the same social situations others are typically in.#rn i am very much isolated at home and i'm sure if i were back in a job i would start feeling more challenged again#personal#delete later#autism#also if i see anyone 🤡-ing abt homeschoolers all being asocial or awkward or uneducated...No and only other hs'ers are allowed an Opinion#some of us in fact were around before Covid made everyone think online classes were just poor irl substitutes#also interesting that u would mock a group where in fact so many ppl i know later turned out ND hm
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