#avpd screaming

[sundropclouds]

Ngl this new mutual culture on tumblr scares me so much. I feel like any mutuals i have arent actually mutuals because mutual clearly means very good friend and also most people will get mad at you if you reblog their post and youre not seen as a mutual by them and of course mutual doesnt mean mutual it means friend and if youre not mutuals and you interact people will think youre strange and invasive and annoyinf and creepy and

[avpdpossum]

me: avpd is something i’ll have forever. even if i learn how to manage it and accommodate it, it’ll always be part of the way my brain works and i’ll always have to deal with certain challenges that come with that. i have no interest in trying to reach “complete recovery” because that would require fundamentally changing my brain, and i would rather stay myself and learn how to live a good life with the brain i have.

my avoidance: starts becoming more prominent again after a period of time where it was easier to live with, resulting in the return of a lot of feelings i’d gotten used to not feeling so strongly, because having an easier time for a while doesn’t mean my lifelong neurodivergence has just disappeared.

me:

[urfavhasavpd]

Mafuyu Asahina from Project SEKAI has AvPD and BPD!

She is a self-deserting avoidant!

mafuyu my beautiful prince with a disorder... i love him so mcuh Oughhg

[pathologicalrunaway]

SPOILERS FOR SEASON OF MOOMIN QUEST 1

...and for the original ninny's story from the books & tv-series as well

i knew ninny's story before and have had feelings about it for a long time but seeing its interpretation in sky (especially the part in the house that appears on the left after you complete quest 1) made me cry my heart out cuz like:

ninny is an abuse survivor. it's stated in a family-friendly way but it's completely true. she has trauma. and the response to that trauma was her turning invisible. silent. almost non-existent. and this is exactly what avpd feels like: you make yourself as small and insignificant as possible, you hide, you become imperceptible because being perceived means p a i n.

[eoin-mcgonigal]

living with a personality disorder being like i avoid feeling strong emotions because my brain can't make the difference between strong emotion from watching a movie and strong emotion from actually having my trauma triggered.

so there i am, crying my heart out and having very violent and/or upsetting intrusive thoughts just because i watched a movie that moved me into feeling a lot.....

[nekosaskia-v2]

Saw a cishet girl say she used the Barbie movie as a litmus test for her boyfriend. That is some normie ass behavior, my litmus test movie regardless of gender is Pearl and if i see them lose empathy for Pearl at any point, especially during the monologue, i know they can't handle me at even my medium, much less my worst

[tyrannuspitch]

like literally what even are the jobs for ppl with social disabilities. every single job description asks you to be outgoing and confident and enthusiastic about working with the public and/or teamwork and every stereotypical recluse job is a lie. academia is 80% public speaking. libraries and museums are just slightly slower retail. a Quiet Office Job will drain your resources on useless meetings and small talk and make you spend eight hours doing two hours of work. authors have to go to book signings and give readings and promote themselves on tiktok and most artists have to sell their own work and/or work in an office and being an author or artist won't even pay your bills anyway so you have to work in retail or hospitality or an office or any of the above anyway. what do you even DO if you can't spend all day putting on a display of acceptable social skills to strangers or semi-strangers!! how are the weird loners of the world even meant to live!!!

[celestiachan]

i think what is wrong with me is that ive never read dungeon meshi and i keep on seeing that scene of the guy with long black hair yelling at the white guy for not being able to take a fucking hint and i saw it and went "he just like me fr" and i wasn't talking about the white guy

[mementoasts]

computer how do i convince myself that simply sending my friend a pic of something i think they'd like is probably not going to get me perceived as the most irritating motherfucker on the entire planet

[sciuritoxin]

Opened up way too much yesterday and now I just want to disappear and feel like I shouldn't be around people and just stay alone.

[sundropclouds]

Anyone elses first thougts when they dont see a mutual on their dash much 'oh fuck they blocked me because i reblogged with a tag so clearly I'm being creepy and interacting too much' or is this just me

[rotting-bones-will-sing]

oh okay, so instead of going from coywolf to wolf, we're going from wolf to coyote (coyote? coywolf? i don't fucking know). awesome. cool. going to be so normal about how unstable our body and form tends to be

[jaspoodlesypp]

-wheezes- I just sold three (3) Atlantis maps to HELIUM, who is somebody who is well-known and I just

-falls over and dies-

[eoin-mcgonigal]

avpd and the trauma that caused it is like constantly micro-dosing on derealisation and depersonalisation. it's always thinking the body you see in the mirror is a body from a horror movie and you'll never identify with it, and then fighting the compulsory thought of you starving and hurting yourself. you also don't relate to your name. it's a word and you can live with it, but if you think too much about it you start to feel detached from it. the same with your gender and sexuality, your trauma and personality disorder literally shape what you identify as/with. a lot of the time you doubt you're human, considering how people treated you in the past.

it's relating to characters who are abuse victims, and then get upset when people portray them "wrong".

it's logically understanding that this is the world, you should be here and others see you as human, but you're not sure you're human, and you certainly shouldn't be here. in a non-suicidal way, you should just cease to exist.

[celestiachan]

having avpd is like playing a video game and the tutorial says to press a to talk to someone and you look down at your controller and there is no a button but there is a random chance that someone will talk to you every however many ticks and that chance increases the more you do a certain thing and so you do that certain thing until someone walks up and talks to you and at first you're excited until you realize that talking to people is a turn based rpg battle and you are underleveled

[mementoasts]

engaging in fandom is fun but i am having a blast going through tma by myself with just a 20 page document where i write down all my thoughts and predictions and live reactions