#i’ve been mostly dealing with more passive/less emotional avoidance lately | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

2p-hetalia-hanons · 4 years ago

Text

Most to least violent ✨

Luciano

Kuro

Oliver

Allen

Matthieu

Siegfried

Francois

Zao

Viktor

Why?

Luciano

Overall mafias and yakuza are kinda at the same tier, but Luciano would be more violent as a person because of his personality. He is a prideful person, hence he is more easily offended. There’s actually an Italian-American mobster who told a guy to straight up kill a random person on the street, as a test to work for them (Roy DeMeo to Richard Kuklinski), but this is in the 1950’s so it would probably take a different light in the 2000s.

Luciano would have principals (not the not killing women or children one tho), as in if he says he will do something, he would do it (or making it worse).

Kuro

Kuro although he is a yakuza, he would act less carelessly. Not that Luciano is a careless person, but Kuro would definitely think through all of his actions (Luciano would mostly do this, but sometimes when he gets infuriated, he would use his emotions more).

Also, Kuro seems to be the type to want to finish business rather quickly (for efficiency reasons), meanwhile Luciano would be the type to prolong it because he tends to enjoy tormenting people (also to gain fear).

Yakuzas generally have certain powers. So, if Kuro did act carelessly (We assume he does but only sometimes), he wouldn’t be as easily apprehended. If y’all know the murder of Junko Furuta, after doing this heinous crime, the perpetrators got easier sentence due to them being underage. But admin Parfaits also read that it’s because there’s affiliations with yakuza (although this is uh highly inconspicuous because now Parfaits couldn’t find the link for this, but this is because Parfaits read this a few years ago and not in a web but a forum).

Also we think Luciano and Kuro set a certain image in their respective groups, as in Kuro wants to be feared but also respected (more leaning to be respected that’s not just made due to fear). Meanwhile, Luciano would rather gain respect through violence and rumors. Generally mafias and yakuzas would have certain powers and connections, which would make it easier for them to commit violence.

Oliver

Oliver is a normal serial killer (well, normal is a bit of a stretch here). He would have less freedom to do as he pleases.

Also we decided that he would kill serial killers haha, or murderers (bad people in generals (WELL people he deems as a bad person). In our head canon, he is an ENFJ (MBTI check it out). ENFJs tend to want to feel somewhat righteous, so he’d try other ways before resorting to violence (This is based on an ENFJ an admin knows irl btw).

Because he is a normal (again a stretch) serial killer here, he wouldn’t have as much power and connections as much Luciano and Kuro would overall have).

Oliver would also build a certain portrayal of himself as a kind and lawful person (somewhat shady though). Plus

Oliver would only kill certain people, so not just some random person passing by (Luciano and Kuro have more dubious morals lmao). What Oliver had done (as in harvesting organs), would have been done by Luciano and Kuro, but not vice versa.

Allen

Allen is generally a violent person, but we don’t portray him as a bad boy. He is rather soft towards the people that he cares about.

We see him as the type of person that would drop the fight if his steam is off y’know (unless that person says something like “you coward,” or smth and makes him angry again lmao).

Due to his easily offended nature, and brawn over brains nature, he’d be an overall violent person, who would start fights (which is why he is number 4).

Also he is a loan shark, they tend to resort to violence to get the money back. Which makes him the type of person to be easily angered if people are late in paying despite their reasons.

Matthieu

Matt kills people that he’s ordered to, and some people that wander off to his area. Since he lives deep in the forest, we don’t think he’ll help people go out again haha.

He’s not the type of person that will actively pursue some random person or start a fight (but he will finish it).

Matt seems to be the person who would finish his job quickly, since his objective is payment and not violence for “fun.”

Plus if someone offered him a sum of money to interrogate someone, we think he would most likely decline it. Because it’s too much of a hassle for him. We think he would be alright not getting a big sum of cash from that kinda job, because he knows he has other ways to do so that’s not much of a hassle

Siegfried

Siegfried is above François because your man here is in a gang and not a conman.

Most likely low tier but not that low, so mid? Because he seems to be the type to actively avoid conflict, although that doesn’t mean he won’t execute his job well.

He probably follows orders really well, but due to his more of a passive attitude, he is most likely just an overall unambitious person lmao.

We don’t think his motivation would be for violence, but more to money? He seems to be the type of guy to want money to have fun lmao, so he would try to finish the job quickly and go do shit he actually thinks is fun.

Also he seems to be the type that avoids fights, especially with people he knows since he feels that it’s kinda stupid and also awkward?? so he just avoids it entirely lmao.

François

François is pretty low because he is a con man lmao, of course con man could be violent too.

But he doesn’t seem to be the type to actively do murder because he thinks that it would be an inconvenience. Not that he couldn’t do it, We’re sure he could and would if he had to, also if he is in a pissy enough mood but not to his clients or general people he deals with.

Because he doesn’t want to catch the attention of certain people, plus he needs to maintain a certain image to con someone.

He’d be good in returning back words though, but in a way where he will end up looking good and the other one looks bad. Although this will be to someone who he knows isn’t important.

Zao

Zao is just before Viktor because he isn’t the type of person to harm someone directly. He can kill, but he won’t.

If he does kill someone, it would be indirectly (sending some hit-man).

Zao could kill someone personally, but that is if he is put on the spot. His personality isn’t like Luciano, he would not kill for fun (he probably winces at the sight of blood).

We don’t think he would actually have a certain image of himself, he would just act casually (like how he is normally).

But, he does his business as a drug dealer well.

If someone doesn’t pay, he would send someone to finish that person, albeit he would not witness it.

Also he does drugs, but not stimulant. Zao knows the effect of the drugs well, so he would most likely only do Opium, a depressant drug (He only does it periodically because he tries to not be dependent, he doesn’t take it in large doses).

Viktor

Viktor would be the lowest because he is a lawful person, who prides himself above animalistic violence.

So if he does resort to violence (unlikely), he would make other people do that instead.

IF he commits a crime, it would be something that he thinks that he has “returned for” before, as in “I’ve done so much, I deserve this,” type of crime, to feel justification lmao.

But since he is a lawful person, who doesn’t want his reputation to be tarnished, he probably wouldn’t do any crime.

He just straight up has 0 morals as a lawyer (he thinks he is just doing his legal work), or if he does crime probably something that he thinks isn’t /that/ horrible lmao.

#hetalia #2p Hetalia #2p hetalia headcanons #2p england #2p canada #2p japan #2p italy #2p north italy #2p german #2p russia #2p france #2p america #2p china

33 notes · View notes

senatashome · 5 years ago

Text

Deduction Research Watch

[Questions]

- What type specifically is the watch?

- What’s the watch colours?

- Electronic/Analog/Mechanical?

- What’s the material of the watch?

- What’s the material of the strap? ( Leather, Metal, Iron, Ceramics, Rubber, Other..)

- Why does this person wear this watch? (Reason)

- Are there any specific marks on the watch?Where is it?Why is it there?

- Is the watch for the sake of collection?

- What’s the person’s occupation?

- What’s the person’s hobby?

- What’s the person’s income status?

- The activity level of the person?

- What’s the person occupation’s status? ( Manual / Non – Manual Labour,

Indoor/Outdoor)

- Is there any stain’s on the person’s watch?What is it?Where?Why?

- Personality based on ‘The Big Five’

- Formal / Informal/ Casual type of occupation?

- Professional / Non – Professional occupation?

- Location of the watch?Dominant Hand?

- Are there any clusters leading to the conclusion that the person has lost some weight?

- Is the watch for its use, or for its appearance.

- Is there any bracelet/wrist band besides the watch?Why?

- The watch expense?

- Who bought those watch?

- Does the watch have any form of sentimental value in it?

- Is the time aligned with the current actual time?

- Any sign that the person has travelled to other places?

- Is the time in the watch Exact/Too Soon/Too Late?  Why?

- Is the type of occupation based on Individual works or Organizational works?

[Type of Watch]

{Dress watch}

The reason people wear dress watches is usually for occupation purpose, or to attend specific events in one’s life. The watch is meant for mere practicality and simplicity of telling times by a glance, and also to tell days/months/years. People may choose a dress watch rather than electronic watch usually because of the casualty and formality of one’s watch,the strap is usually a leather the colour determines the use of it, brown means that the person rather attend in an event or had an occupation that is rather casual and less formal (Party, Opera, Contest, Date, Waitress) black means that the person rather attends a formal events or had a formal occupation example :( Job interview, Formal meeting, White collar job.) People who wore a dress watch usually has a passive job or one may call a desk worker, thus we could possibly identify a bad back posture.

Conclusion: Simple, Practical, Formal, Usually Economically Stable, Private, Organised.

{Mechanical/Automatic}

Mechanical or an automatic watch is mechanical timepieces that offer many benefits over traditional wind by hand watches and modern

battery-operated quartz watches. Women’s and men’s automatic watches are popular categories in the luxury watch market. Automatics have been crafted since the 1920s but didn’t come into widespread use until the 1950s when watchmaker was able to economize the process. Men’s and women’s watches with automatic winding technology are stylish, interesting, and low maintenance.

People usually wore this watch for the sake of fashion and simplicity, the more complicated looking and attention gathering colour or spontaneous colour the more the person wants attention, by those possibilities we could possibly assume that the person is extroverted, one that cares about people’s opinion about themselves,

other cues could be gathered by how they dress, talk, etc. Most automatic and mechanical watch is expensive , usually the person has an above average income but that’s not conclusive because even people who has a fairly low income still wear this type of watch for the sake of fashion ( I’ve once encountered a janitor using a mechanical/automatic watch with a spontaneous gold colour but his outfit is rather ruined) Statistically based people who wore this type of watch usually works as a salesman ( not conclusive)

Conclusion: Extroverted, Easy going, Outgoing, Stylish, Open, Low maintenance, Non –Manual Labour, Formal.

{Electronic Watch/ Digital Watch}

Digital watches usually have a rather peculiar look on it, it’s mostly worn by men for certain purposes usually for a hobby that is mostly correlated with sports, a rather athletic person, active, most of this type of watch is water resistant and it has a rubber straps around it, people who wore this type of watch is usually athletic and inclined in the world of sports in general, one who wore this type of watch usually has a blue collar job or a manual labour job, extroverted, one who usually acts silly to gain specific attention, needs approval from the general society, mostly well shaped. One who has a strict schedule also has a high possibility to use this type of watch because of the fact that it's really practical to set up a specific timer and reminder at the watch.

Another type of digital watch is a smartwatch which is used for tracking our exercise on a daily basis, one who has a problem in sleep such as insomnia usually has one of them, organized, a smartwatch is usually used for the sake of motivating ourselves to do those activities in a practical way, most of them generally care about their appearance, dress to impress type.

Conclusion: Athletically inclined, Extroverted, (SmartWatch) Organized, Active, Spends most time outside, Open.

{Field Watch / Military Watch}

Field watch by definition is a simple military watch originally called “trench watches” they’ redesigned for soldiers to wear in a battlefield on WWII. They were made to do one thing in particular, and one thing very well: tells accurate time. They were made to be dust and waterproof, usually made of stainless still casing with a durable canvas or leather Nato or Zulu strap to prevent losing the watch in the field of battle. Field watches were designed to lose/gain a maximum of +/- 30 seconds per day.

The military watch could also be worn in active duty by a sailor, marine, airman, or a pilot. The watch is mostly for the sake of one’s occupation rather for a mere fashion, but there’s a slight possibility that the watch is worn in a fashion purpose to express one’s self-image.

Military personnel is correlated with a personality that is rather dominant, aggressive and serious, values practicality in thinking and focus the topic of conversation to the point, most of them are sporty or has a history on the field of sports, able to make strategical thinking during emotional pressure, extroverted, adventurous, self-centred and independent, optimistic, flexible, and strict. A few cues that we might encounter if we’re dealing with a military man specifically as a drill sergeant is heavy voice and highly aggressive, people with an experience in a field of military usually has a straight and good posture, they rather dominated the space around them, if they’re carrying a suitcase it’s gonna be at their left hand (most of the time) because the right hand in used to salute someone.

Conclusion: Dominant, Serious, Aggressive ( Not Always), Optimistic, Strategic Thinking, Extroverted, Adventurous, Self – Centered, and Independent.

{Pilot’s Watch]

Pilot’s watch is a watch used specifically for an occupation purpose, it’s used to tell an accurate current time accurately and other specified features, throughout the years the pilot’s watch saw inventions to make an aviator job even easier. Brands like Breitling added elements such as circular slide-rule and chronograph to meet the demands of ever-changing flight complexities. Other brands like IWC, Bell & Ross, and Longines focused their efforts on pilot's watches, particularly war years.

Pilots are a distinct segment of the general population. In addition to flying skills, a pilot is selected specifically for their personality and physical capability, a few ways to identify a pilot besides the fact that the person wore a pilot’s watch is to identify their physical functioning specifically their sight, hygiene, and metabolism. Pilot tend to have difficulty trusting anyone to d the jobs as well as they can, pilots tend to be suspicious, to a certain degree even paranoid. In moderation this quality serves them well within their environment and is, in fact a quality that management look for in the pilot personality, outside the cockpit this quality shows up in the tendency of many pilots to set two or three alarm clocks – even though he or she may generally wake up before any of the pilots go off. The suspicious/paranoid tendency also affects the way pilots function in their private lives as well. They’re inclined to modify their environment rather than their own behaviour. Pilots need excitement; a 9-to-5 job would drive most pilots to distraction. Pilots are competitive, being driven by the need to achieve, and don't handle failure particularly well, optimistic, pilots have a low tolerance for personal imperfection, and long memories of perceived

injustice, they tend to be scanners drawing conclusion rapidly about situational facts, pilots can people as if they’re instruments they draw conclusion at a glance rather than relying on long and emotion-laden conversation, they avoid introspection and have difficulty revealing, expressing, or even recognising their feelings, if they have a certain unwanted feeling they rather mask them, sometimes with humour or even anger. Being unemotional help pilots with crises, but can make them insensitive toward the feeling of others, pilots have a tendency to somewhat inability to create a good connection in one’s conversation.

Conclusion: Intelligent, Emotionally Incapable, Concrete, Practical, Linear Thinkers, Philosophical, Theoretical, Introverts, Analytically Oriented, Competitive, Goal Oriented, Organized, Realist, Observant, Perfectionist, Need of Control.

[Reason To Wear]-Fashion

One who wore a watch just for the sake of looking good most likely has a more spontaneous and attention gathering colour and design, most of them are unique where one has a transparent watch where we can see the functioning of the watch generally, the most common colour is gold/yellow, pink /neon, bright white. Those are one who likes to be placed in the middle of attention, generally, scrape for social approval, etc. Those are not conclusive if the fact is changed for example if the person dresses up for the sake of self-image and self-judgement not to be judged by others, rather it’s a way that the person expresses their emotion generally.

-Occupation

As shown before this part watch for occupation are usually used just for mere practicality and they value the quantity rather than the quality, basically used to tell actual time not for showing off or to gather other’s attention, classic, and formal. A few examples are shown above this section is Military Watch, Diving Watch, Space Watch, Dress Watch, Pilot’s watch.

-Hobby/Collection

One who collects watches usually has a lot of watch in hand, based on the general income we could safely assume that people who collect certain type of watch is stable financially most likely they have a high income, there’s a high chance of an extroversion trait in hand but not conclusive, some of them are attention gatherer, and socially inclined, somewhat optimistic, and outgoing.

-Sentimental

Sentimental watches are those who have a general sign of an ageing, culturally speaking the eldest sibling in one’s family always got the sentimental objects first before all of the younger siblings, if there’s no ageing sign in the watch it’s possible to indicate one’s

sentimental object by other cues such as maybe if the person has a torn or bad looking clothes and the watch is the only one that is expensive and good looking there’s a high chance that the object is somewhat a gift and preserved as a sentimental object.

[Colour]

Based on the colour of one’s watch we could safely determine their inner feeling and personality, the more bright and spontaneous the colour is the more the person is trying to gather attention from others, they most likely care about one’s opinions about themselves,the more dark and formal the colour is it’s more likely that the person is somewhat close and private.

Most of the time the knowledge of colour psychology is somewhat important in the basis of our knowledge base in the deduction.

[Sentimental / Gift ]

Sentimental objects is when one is given an object by one’s relatives or other person correlated to our subject that possibly has a higher degree of status or even the same such as our friend, one may keep sentimental object because it’s correlated with specific emotional situation or even memories, for example, if our friend gave us a plushy as a memory of them, but in this specific situation which is a watch sentimental objects are more likely given by one’s relatives or someone with a higher degree of status and income since calculating the expenses of a watch itself. That possibility or probability is not conclusive by itself if it happens in situation A it doesn’t mean it’s gonna 100% happened in situation B. For example, our boss or our parents gave us an expensive old watch as a gift, those gifts if it’s from a person with a different status than we will most likely become a sentimental object and also we can say it’s somewhat a luxury item if it’s classified this way.

This gift is somewhat similar with sentimental object, only that the object given will most likely be more up to date and new rather than an old object, that doesn’t eliminate the possibility that a sentimental object is also a new object, it’s quite similar within the two in the process of our reasoning i don’t think we need to differentiate those two.

How to identify sentimental watch / a gift :

- The sentimental watch will most likely is gonna be older looking.

- There’s a possibility that the profile of the watch did not match the personality of the person in hand.

- We can identify if an object is a gift if they have a moderate difference within their outfit, for example, a man has an expensive metal watch but his outfit is somewhat shady and less expensive. And the opposite works for a sentimental watch.

- It’s possible that the watch did not fit perfectly in the owner’s current wrist.

The thing that we’ll need to remember is observing and gathering data in context, we could use the owner’s profile and financial status and past wealth as a reference point for our deduction. (More to the sentimental / gift/ luxury items in a video by ‘The Art of Deduction’: How to Read People; What are Luxury Items? The Methodology of Deduction 3)

[Marks and Scratches]

‘One can deduce a person’s habit a personality by just looking at a series of scratch on a person’s watch’

We’re gonna use the splendid deductions done by the character himself Sherlock Holmes in chapter 1 of The Sign of Four’ as a reference point to this topic.

“What seems strange to you is only so because you do not follow my train of thought or observe the small facts upon which large inferences may depend. For example, I began by stating that your brother was careless. When you observe the lower part of that watch-case you notice that it is not only dinted in two places but it is cut and marked all over from the habit of keeping other hard objects, such as coins or keys, in the same pocket. Surely it is no great feat to assume that a man who treats a fifty-guinea watch so cavalierly must be a careless man. Neither is it a very far-fetched inference that a man who inherits one article of such value is pretty well provided for in other respects.”

Financial status and the expense of the watch is a wonderful way to start our train of thought, we rather could identify someone who is careless by looking at the amount of scratches on one’s watch, as he said someone who is careless rather don’t care about the condition of the watch itself because they put it on a pocket who is mixed with keys and coins, but maybe the carelessness is because the person itself doesn’t spend much money on the watch? If the person does spend money on it we could assume two things: The person is somewhat careless as referenced, possibly lazy, and by those references, we could come up to a broader conclusion such as what causes those carelessness and lazy behaviour? In this occasion, it’s because of Watson’s brother repetitive drinking or alcoholism and possibly because of his financial status at hand. And when Holmes goes to the keyhole he could safely infer that Watson’s brother is an alcoholic

“What sober man’s key could have scored those grooves? But you will never see a drunkard’swatch without them. He winds it at night, and he leaves these traces of his unsteady hand. Where is the mystery in all this?”

The opposite works the same way, man without scratches or grooves on his watch could indicate that the watch is new, if the colour seems blurred and less shiny we could assume that the person takes a good care of his items, possibly for the sake of fashion or good looking by those we could go deeper on one’s profile.

[Dissaligned Time]

If a person has time in their watch which is misaligned with the actual time we could tell a few things about them

{To Late} If a person has a watch that has a late timing in them this could mean a few things

- First is that the person didn’t really depend that much on their time on their daily basis or activity, this, of course, could be denied by certain laziness.

- Lazy, the person is too lazy to set up the time exactly.

- The person didn’t have the time to set up an exact timing on their watch, could

possibly say that the person has a somewhat strict schedule in their life.

- The watch is more used as a good looking or fashion purpose rather for its general purpose.

- The person hasn’t used this specific watch in a long period of time.

- Undisciplined, disorganized.

- The person possibly needs to change the battery of the watch in hand.

{Exact / Precise}

- The person’s activity depends on being strict and on time. ( Prefers general scheduling and thinking before acting rather than doing impulsive activities)

- Possibly an optimistic or a professional worker. ( Denied by the fact that a certain activity is rather forced or just to survive and having a stable economic status)

- A few times in hand to precisely set the time. {To soon}

- The person likes to come to certain situations rather too quick than too late.

- Organized and disciplined person.

- Had a specific schedule.

- Trying to remove a bad habit which is attending certain events/situations lately.

{Totally different]

- The person possibly travelled to another country and just got back from those countries which he/she didn’t have the time to change the timing on his/her watch.

The time misalignment only occurs when the timing is far fetched from the actual current time for example for 10 minutes or more. Thus we can’t get by to certain conclusions just because the time is 3 minute too soon or vice versa.

- R.D

#deduction #deduction research #watch

25 notes · View notes

softpinkicecream · 6 years ago

Text

Understanding Mothers with BPD

Just listened to the audio book Understanding Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Waif characteristics:

Some of my body language is excessively friendly/flirtatious- I didn't notice this at first, but it was pointed out to me so now I see it. I make a lot of eye contact and when I'm trying to be friendly I will smile a lot and make eye contact a lot and laugh more. This can get interpreted as flirting by some. I have seen other people do this when flirting, but unfortunately I tend to do this to everyone when I'm meeting new people, which can probably unnerve them or make them feel weird until they get to know me.

I feel almost worthless when I make mistakes, especially at work. I was more used to my old job so I didn't feel like this as much, but now at my new job I feel so ashamed every time I make a mistake. I think I checked my work but then there will still be a mistake. And I've made so many the past few weeks I feel ashamed of my self as an employee. - an update on this, I suspect some of my mistakes were from sleep deprivation from trying too hard to come in early.

I can sometimes give too much too soon in relationships. I definitely do this. In the past I pushed sex way too fast, like maybe 2 dates max before the bedroom. This always causes attachment even when I intended there to be none. And then it's months before I notice any shortcomings, or how little is actually given back to me. Typically if I feel comfortable with a person to have a conversation, then I will attach to them even quicker. After doing this and ending up in a not so great relationship for 2-3 years, I know I need to slow down and definitely not listen to the desire to give too much away too fast.

Use submissive behavior as an adaptive response to conflict. This is my default response. When I'm feeling confident I've occasionally actually confronted people, I have a few examples, but in most cases I comply instantly. I'd rather say I'm wrong and take blame that doesn't belong to me than escalate an argument. This was how every argument with Mark went. They weren't really arguments, he would be upset and sometimes yell and I would listen and agree even if I didn't. This was definitely how I always handled my mom yelling at me. I think this is actually not a healthy behavior so I would like to get better at not complying when I actually don't agree. The problem is, a lot of times I find myself thinking, well complying is such a small easy thing for me and it will help them feel better so it's not a big deal.

Feel incompitent. I often don't feel very intelligent even when other people say so. I have a hard time remembering things, and I have very low fluid intelligence, so I feel pretty dumb all the time, but I have managed to test fairly well which has gotten me this far. I like to think I have a decent amount of social IQ though.

Relinquish control easily. I think this may have been addressed above, but I think I'm actually on the fence on this characteristic. I was discussing with my brother the other day, I think I tend to comply with people for about 20 minutes, and then the rest of my head catches up with me and I change my mind partway through or after a conversation. I'd like to get better at that, prefeably move that time to shorter and shorter? Also, in many cases, I tend to give the appearance of compliance, when actually I am only relinquishing control I feel safe to give. I think this may also be a bit of a passive agressive personality behavior trait.

Don't take good care of myself. I have a hard time balancing my life well. Either I take care of my finances, my work, my appearance, my relationships, or my health. I can only do one at a time. Usually week by week.

I don't properly track my spending and often indulge. As discussed above, if I'm not in a week where I'm actively managing my finances, I completely ignore them. Thankfully, I don't usually go into massive purchases, like a car or plane ticket, I do tend to indulge in spur of the moment things like an expensive coffee or a bag of toy kazoos.

I feel better having less than having more, especially in a group setting I feel much more comfortable and prefer everyone else have first pick.

Unnecessarily appologetic. I apologise often and frequently, for everything that might possibly be awkward or uncomfortable.

Sometimes feels compelled to help others.

Shame motivated behavior- very often, I sometimes feel like my presence would be a burden or annoyance so I don't talk to many people at work unless it's required for my job.

Protects self from disappointment. I try to expect the worst so I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Feels undeserving of compliments, often refuses them. I've gotten better at this but only because I was told refusing or denying is more rude.

Often refuses help. I've gotten a little better at this, I'll accept help if offered but I try not to ask for help unless it's absolutely necessary.

Difficulty articulating needs. I often don't know what I really want. Sometimes when I do I don't ask for it if I think it'll be a burden.

Passive and permissive. These are my default behaviors, especially when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I also bought my brother a cigar and lotto tickets for his 18th bday.

Easily tolerates some abuse. I haven't been physically abused so I'm not sure my reaction but I doubt I would tolerate it as easily as verbal abuse. There were times Mark could scream at me and I could just take it until he stopped.

Invalidates own competence. I often think I'm dumb as a post and could give plenty of examples?

Drawn to helping/understanding the Struggles of others. For some reason I get drawn to people who are upset.

Dedicated employee work long hours and underpaid

Oscillates between obsessive concern for health and complete neglect

Occasionally uses alcohol, money, or sex to feel better - I tend to use "shopping therapy" , also recently a (large) glass of wine if it is late enough

Unconsciously seductive - I didn't think I did this but one of the reasons I cut my hair short was to avoid looking particularly attractive

Often forgets things- all the time. I feel most of the time there is no reason for it really. I just forget anything within 3 seconds.

Waifs' children:

High Independence

Hermit characteristics:

Feels safer alone - I definitely feel comfortable alone or feel a need to decompress after interactions

Ties large amounts of self worth to work/others opinions

Feels mildly violated when others move or borrow my things

Initial reaction to rejection is to completely shut them out - I try not to do this @_@

Ruminates and worries often about nearly meaningless things - there are embarrassing mistakes from years and years ago that I still sometimes feel the pain of guilt from.

Occasionally superstitious

Either over or under reacts to physical problems - sometimes every ail seems like I'll get cancer and die, other times I have broken a bone and hardly reacted except to say that it was definitely broken and should probably go to the ER.

Occasionally uses alcohol or relationships to feel better. - probably alcohol, but there is a dangerous satisfaction with "falling in love" which I would prefer not to mess up ever again

Sometimes struggles handling rejection or criticism

Sometimes tries to make other people feel guilty on purpose -i mostly did this to my mom

Often concerned about the dangerous it risks of everything.

Children of BPD characteristics:

Feels worthless if not useful

Sometimes feels like a false self

Ruminates about small decisions and interactions

Interested in finding hidden/true motives

Was grateful for my friend witnessing my mom's outburst

Poorly structured time

I have recently begun to feel like an imposter again at work. For some reason at my previous job, I did not feel this.

My mother would wear my clothes when I was in highschool. And after I went to college, she started talking college classes the same time as me. I have become annoyed with this now because she told me we could not afford college, and I took out private loans to cover it, but she had no problem paying for a major in Islamic studies for herself.

I try to avoid strong emotions, I especially avoid anger because I feel it is extremely irrational and will cause me regret. Even when I'm fully happy or comfortable, I often tend to mess that up and so I do n try not to fully let go unless I know it's 100% welcome.

I tend to appear as easy going to others

I struggle saying no

I don't really know what I like or who I am

I enjoy analytically orientated therapy.

Minor mistakes do sometimes cause a plunge in my self esteem, I usually feel like smacking my head on something when I'm feeling like this. If I make a mistake at work, I wonder how long they will bother to keep me around before firing me. Sometimes I wonder if I've already been fired and they just haven't told me. I will feel hate for myself for making another mistake, especially when I don't see a way to prevent it from happening again. I often feel regret and guilt for past mistakes. I sometimes feel shame of myself for burdening others with my presence, it's especially strong at work or with people I have to interact with for long term, like family or classmates. Thankfully, I don't feel these things as painfully or strongly with people I am close with or old friends.

my mom often projected her personal problems onto me. She often told me that "only a depressed person would sleep past 9am" or that I needed to be better at managing my time, be better organized, and be on time. I know now she failed to do these things.

Thankfully, I have not had a panic attack. I had one episode of heart palpitations, but I believe it was related to a new birth control, which I stopped taking immediately after and haven't had a similar experience since.

Queen characteristics:

I find charismatic and attention drawing people attractive.

Some other characteristics I noticed that I have that were not necessarily included in this book:

prefer/enjoy not "fitting in a box" ?

tendancy to mirror others?

I don't care about the impressions I make on people I don't know, but become anxious around people that I will have to deal with often i.e. co-workers, family members, classmates.

I regret indulging in the behaviors of others :( I am ashamed of one occurrence, I was brought along to my step mom's family's party, I went to use the bathroom but was stopped by my aunt in law. I feigned ignorance so I could use the bathroom instead of having to use the outhouse. To explain, her husband had already let me use their bathroom once so I thought it would be ok but she didn't know that. In any case, I have a not so great relationship with bathrooms so I specifically told my family I wouldn't go if I there wasn't going to be a regular bathroom, to which I was assured there would be, so hen

Passive agressive:

Felt used or taken advantage of in the ending of past relationships.

-i feel I exhibit this personality type when doing self preservation activities. I have told my landlord that I wasn't moving until I got an apartment then gave them notice. I said I was going to go to a work event but then cancelled last minute after I realised I wouldn't be able to lie to Mark where I was. I also lied to Mark about why I was returning to Minnesota and didn't break up with him until I was safely employed and relocated. I think this behavior also comes out when I am taking the advice of others. When I was younger, I leant my hair crimper to my friend, but then my mom told me I should tell them not to break it and I just ended up seeming crazy. I also moved into an apartment with 4 other roommates, and they all made a fuss about the bigger room and a friend advised me to move in a day early and lock the big room.... I also didn't tell my employer that I was looking for new work until right before I left.... I'm embarrassed about these behaviors and I think it also has to do with a lack of trust in others perhaps. And listening to others instead of doing what I think.

0 notes

datingadviceonreddit · 7 years ago

Link

I had met a guy at my apartment complex about a year ago and we started hanging out pretty much every day. He always texted me first, and we get along great. We were just friends, so we had a lot of fun & good vibes - he’s extremely smart, we had a lot of deep intellectual conversations, and overall had a lot in common. We never have gotten into an argument, and our conversations are never boring.One night (about 5 months after we first met) - he kissed me, and basically we started getting more physical after that, continuing to hang out on a daily basis for about 2-3 months or so? I think, not good with timeframes lol. Anyway, I had to go on a work trip out of the country for 2 weeks. The night before I left, he basically was all over me. He wanted to buy me breakfast beforehand, then drive me to the airport. Of course, he offers to pick me up when I return from my trip too. At this point, I’m feeling like we’re basically dating already, there just hasn’t been a label put on it yet. We are both a bit awkward, and he doesn’t express emotions well, but as far as I could tell it seemed like we had been on the same page.While I’m on my trip, we continue to text, and about halfway through the tone of voice on our texts start to change. I didn’t think of it as a huge deal as I was 7 hours ahead, and figured we pick up where we left off anyways when I got back. However, when I mentioned when I’d be arriving, he no longer offered to pick me up from the airport. I thought ok, I’ll just take an Uber - not a big deal, I don’t expect anyone to that anyway.We hang out the day after I get back, and he acts like he doesn’t even want to touch me. I don’t even get a hug when he sees me. As I mentioned, he’s a pretty emotionally distant guy, so I don’t think it is a big deal, as everything else seemed to carry on as usual.However from that point, we continued to hang out less and less. He always used to text me first and now I was getting little nothing. I thought “Okay, maybe he just is going through some personal issues and needs some space so I’ll let him have it.” We had been hanging out maybe 1-2 times per week. It’s been 2 months since I got back from that work trip.Last week, I asked what he was up to for the weekend. He said he was going to be in a neighboring city all weekend, and then asked me about an event going on near our apartment. I jokingly said “what’s going on out in that city?” (because I know that place and there isn’t much to do there - then continued to answer his question about the festival near our apartment. He basically replied with “My girlfriend lives there - Tell me about that festival near our apartment, what is it?! We need to hangout soon!”As soon as I receive this text I have no words. I literally had no, I mean ZERO idea that he was even dating anyone else. He never mentioned or hinted at it whatsoever, making me feel like a fucking idiot of course. When we had been hanging out this whole time and I asked “What’s new?” - along with your distant behavior, you could have mentioned something if you planned on us continuing to be friends.So basically I reply “Ahh fun.” because I don’t know what else to say, and we have not spoken since. I don’t know what to say now, as I’m confused, hurt that he couldn’t be honest with me and I may have lost what I considered one of my best friends, but mostly pissed off at the way this situation was handled. I don’t think it’s 100% his fault, as I was planning on calling out the vibe soon to figure out what the fuck happened - but now obviously, it seems too late for that.Here are the main reasons why I am so pissed:He no longer offered to pick me up from the airport, because friends don’t do that? He acted like an awesome guy that was into me before my trip, then stopped texting me out of the blue - and did not imply anything else was going on - and left me to feel like an idiot. It seems like he doesn’t care about our friendship at all, treating it like shit that he couldn’t care less about. He had bought 2 tickets to a concert before my trip and invited me to go with him, so I had offered to pay him for the tickets. He said I didn’t have to, and I was like “Are you sure? I will!” After my trip, one week before the concert, he was like “Oh by the way you owe me $150 for that ticket. I mean we both make over 6 figures, so we could both afford it… but nobody likes an “Indian Giver”. The day of the concert comes and he starts feeling ‘sick’. We go to dinner, and he ultimately decides he isn’t going to make it to this concert. It was going to be an awesome concert, so I didn’t want to miss it - I said I’d take tickets, and I paid $100 out of my own pocket because I felt bad for the other ticket. I literally had 1 hour - so I basically gave a friend a free ticket to the concert so that I didn’t have to go alone. We were really good friends - and now he’s being a complete shitty friend. I don’t care that he got a girlfriend, but he could have at least said something so I didn’t have to find out passively in a text message. Avoiding the situation is always easier, but shit will always reveal itself so grow some balls if you actually care about our friendship. He literally met this girl on Match.com because apparently his profile was about to expire? So did he meet this girl while I was on my trip and was never interested to begin with? Getting a girlfriend means you can’t even acknowledge your friends and the people that care about you?There are a lot of other similar scenarios that I could mention that are a blow to the face. But I really do not know how to act in this situation. There is a lot of shit going through my mind, so I’m wondering if I should tell him what I actually think or just delete him from my life altogether, which I don’t want to do because we are good friends that have way too much in common and would be a shame to lose that. There are a lot of things going through my mind, but I want to know an outside perspective on this situation… what do you think?Did he just lose interest altogether when he met a new girl in my absence? Did I fail to address what our relationship really was and he thought it wouldn’t go anywhere since we were still just ‘friends’? Is he too awkward to address the situation or does he really not want to be friends anymore? Does he think he’s being an asshole? I’ve run this through my head so many times and I can’t think of a scenario where he doesn’t come out an asshole.I could keep going… but let me know what your thoughts are and if you have questions - I am happy to answer, just want to know what the fuck I do moving forward!! via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

0 notes