#autistic/neurodivergent are fucked up to put up with certain things

[officially-other]

Frog (For context; I am the "host" or "original." We don't really like either term, but it's easier than saying "I'm the one who identifies with the name and body we use and I was the one to start the questioning process" lol.)

So, to be clear; Our collective isn't median, but we relate a lot to some median experiences. The concept of median plurality was our first step into plurality due to the fact that, up until we heard about median experiences, we'd only seen the more disordered forms of plurality. At least- those were the only forms of plurality we'd heard about in detail. For those of you reading this who aren't OP: I promise I asked before reblogging to make sure our experiences wouldn't be unwelcome.

This is a fucking WALL of text, and I would not blame you for looking at it and going "well I'm not reading that." I just figured it was better to give you a wall of text you'd never read than to give you something small that won't be helpful because I omitted the parts you'd find useful.

What made you start questioning whether you were a system or not? And what brought you to discovering and adopting the "median" label? As I began questioning my fictionkinity, I ultimately felt... weird. I confirmed who I was, and suddenly had what I assumed was a mental shift. Except it felt like I'd been plonked into someone else's life, and "I" spent the next few days feeling weird about it and cleaning because "what the fuck do you mean I live like this?" Turns out that was actually someone else, which I learned when consulting the plurality chat in the otherconnect discord server and coming away with the information that no, switching does not always look like getting booted out of first-person POV, or blacking out. It can look like "who 'I' am changing." When it comes to the median label- while we're not median, I can say what chose us to not settle on that term. I've seen median systems described as 'facets of one person' to an extent, or somehow being anything less than completely separate individuals. That may be inaccurate, but it's our understanding of the term. We feel INCREDIBLY strongly that this isn't the case with us. We're individual people and get really pissed when not respected as such.

Was there ever one, big "Aha!" Moment for you? Or several smaller ones? What was the event(s) like, what happened? The first "Aha!" Moment was the above, with the second being Malaika's appearance. Malaika was the first of our headmates other than me to show up properly and introduce herself, and idk what to tell you other than it's really fucking hard to deny what's happening when you have a vaguely feral witch going "Buddy intrusive thoughts don't have extensive conversations with you." After that, I feel like our life has been filled with "Aha" moments. Our mom commenting that she always felt like we were really unpredictable and inconsistent with our reactions to certain things, finding certain memories that we KNOW must have been a certain person fronting, our memory as a whole makes such much more sense through the lens of plurality, hell even the kintypes I was questioning suddenly made more sense when I realized they weren't me at all. They were some of my headmates experiencing phantom shifts and strong feelings about their kintype while fronting, or said shifts/feelings bleeding into my own when they were near front.

For neurodivergent medians, how did you differentiate your systemhood from the rest of your neurodivergencies? (Ex: the difference between autistic masking and subtle/fluid switches, identity issues from personality disorder vs genuine facets, etc) I feel this question in my BONES. The answer is... it's really fucking hard. After being in public social spaces for a while, we put on the autistic mask so hard that we tend to get blurry. Our mom has learned that if she asks if it's still whoever she dropped off at an event/appt/whatever as we get in the car, the most likely response is "aaauuhhhh.... probably?" Our biggest tool was learning that I'm not the default. That just because we're masking, or not feeling a particular strong sense for who's fronting, doesn't mean it's me. 9/10 times masking doesn't even cause a switch, it just causes confusion.

Do you experience some form of frontstuckness, whether it's "nobody can ever front except one facet" or "I'm a shell and everyone fronts through me"? Ngl this one is funny, if at Venti's expense (to be fair he thinks it's funny too.) During the election we were under lots of stress and Venti got frontstuck for three goddamn days. We're pretty sure he was properly frontstuck, since he couldn't hear anyone else either, but he was also just too scared to even try to pull someone up and switch out because he was afraid it wouldn't work and then he'd feel properly trapped. So technically we aren't sure.

Semi related to above, how do you recognize switches? Especially early in your journey. Are they subtle? Can you switch intentionally or is it random? Personally, we can switch intentionally. A lot of our switches are intentional. Intentional switches are much less subtle because we actively turn our mind's eye to the innerworld and "watch" the switch happen. Person A steps out of the body and back, person B steps into the body and grounds themselves. Beyond that, I... actually don't know. Maybe we'll pay more attention and write a post on how we experience switches after a while for fun.

How do you discover the identities of your facets, whether they're another you or someone entirely unique? This may be less relevant to you due to the fact that we aren't median, but: it helps that most of our headmates are fictives. I can recognize that certain characters have had a "will of their own" to me for a while, or that I feel emotions about a certain character's story as if it were my own, or sometimes it's as simple as "Wow I associate this song with this character!" "Hi." "WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID YOU GET HERE-" As for non-fictive headmates, it's only happened... twice. We only have two of them other than me lol. Malaika introduced herself, and she's learned much about herself as she fronts. Jasper figured himself out because he woke up fronting and realized he wasn't someone we knew about yet.

Prior to self discovery, did you ever experience talking to your brain/body/"inner self" as a separate being to yourself, whether or not you actually believed they could respond or were conscious? Literally fucking constantly. I personified my brain and we still do. "I want to do this but brain says no." etc. While I didn't consciously personify everyone else, I did have lots of "my own thoughts" that acted completely on their own. I just was used to them, and as someone who experiences intrusive thoughts on the regularly, simply thought they were another form of that. They uh. They were not.

Have you ever had the experience of "not being able to pick just one aesthetic", which you later discovered was your plurality? THIS. I cannot express my feelings on this strongly enough; yes. I was in love with so many different styles of fashion- even ones I could never see myself wearing! Those ones in particular confused me. Turns out some headmates just like styles I would never wear myself. I felt a huge relief when I realized that I didn't have to pick one and could instead just try and gather clothes to fit a few different aesthetics. That feeling settled into everything, though, so that realization ended up not helping. Not able to just pick one career path, a small enough number of hobbies to reasonably sustain, and even though it feels really obvious saying it now I felt like I couldn't pick one personality. But that was just.... not obvious to me at the time. I couldn't pick just one way to be. Now I know it's because "I" am more than just me.

Are you monoconscious, polyconscious, or something else? Are your facets "conscious/aware" in headspace/while not fronting? Is the current fronter aware of/able to interact with the other facets while fronting? I said monoconscious in the replies, but actually the term we use is split-monoconscious. It's the best we've found so far. We have no innerworld... Except we do. Uh. It's complicated. Whoever's in/near front can only access the void. Hence our current collective name: "From The Void." But recently we've gotten a very strong sense that there is an innerworld, even some vague ideas of what it might look like, we just... can't access it or memories from it consciously when near/in front. We can interact with each other in the void; and do often! We like to chat. But whoever isn't in the void is completely inaccessible. I wouldn't call them unconscious though. As far as we can tell, they're aware and doing their own thing in our innerworld. They just lose memory of it the closer to front they get, almost immediately after getting pulled into the void.

HOO BOI this post is huge and I'm too tired to edit it, so if it's a messy ramble it'll just stay a messy ramble. We've been meaning to post about our experiences more, but haven't found the time, so your post asking some systems/collectives direct questions actually helped with that writers block. I hope this helps a little even though we're not median, and even if not thank you for reading all this way if ya made it!

Hiiii, plural community! Questions for median systems, while I explore the possibility of being one myself, answer as many as you like:

What made you start questioning whether you were a system or not? And what brought you to discovering and adopting the "median" label?

Was there ever one, big "Aha!" Moment for you? Or several smaller ones? What was the event(s) like, what happened?

For neurodivergent medians, how did you differentiate your systemhood from the rest of your neurodivergencies? (Ex: the difference between autistic masking and subtle/fluid switches, identity issues from personality disorder vs genuine facets, etc)

For those of you with no headspace or very limited internal interaction, what is that like for you? How did you discover your system and how do you communicate (if at all)? Do you experience uncontrolled inner voices, like a lot of multiple systems do, or something else (internal/"ghost" emotions, visual projections, random thoughts popping up)?

Do you experience some form of frontstuckness, whether it's "nobody can ever front except one facet" or "I'm a shell and everyone fronts through me"?

Semi related to above, how do you recognize switches? Especially early in your journey. Are they subtle? Can you switch intentionally or is it random?

How do you discover the identities of your facets, whether they're another you or someone entirely unique?

Prior to self discovery, did you ever experience talking to your brain/body/"inner self" as a separate being to yourself, whether or not you actually believed they could respond or were conscious?

For those of you who are stoners, how does weed affect you and potential switches? Does it make switching/recognizing a switch easier?

Have you ever had the experience of "not being able to pick just one aesthetic", which you later discovered was your plurality?

Are you monoconscious, polyconscious, or something else? Are your facets "conscious/aware" in headspace/while not fronting? Is the current fronter aware of/able to interact with the other facets while fronting?

⚠️ NO SYSCOURSE ON THIS POST ⚠️

I do not want to engage in syscourse, do not attempt to start any with me. I simply want to hear about others experiences and hope to learn something about myself in the process. If you want drama, go elsewhere.

[dystopyx-blog]

mansplain, manipulate, monologue

Neurodivergent/Autistic coded female reader. 

WARNING, this chapter includes:

Arranged marriage

Implied murder 

some misogyny I think??

Ableist and infantilizing remarks. 

Yandere is a real fucking bastard in this one. 

I in no way condone any of these or hope to romanticize any of these.

Enough was enough. 

It's not like you had high expectations when entering an arranged marriage. In fact, your expectations were on the fucking ground. Your one hope was that maybe he'd be your age, but you barely even allowed yourself that. You knew not to expect much as a young noble woman entering an arranged marriage. 

But Exavier completely blew what low expectations you had out of the water. 

You had been so hopeful for a young, decently attractive husband that you completely forgot about the personality attached. And while Exavier was your age and very attractive to boot, his personality was absolutely rancid. 

He was a bully, to put it simply. 

He didn't hit you, thank God, but with the way he spoke down to and belittled you? He might as well have. 

And the pranks, don't even get me started on his pranks. 

Like some rows village boy he'd torment you with these “harmless” pranks to the point you couldn't even feel comfortable in your own home. No, instead you were constantly paranoid he'd sneak up on you somewhere and shout at you or pour a bucket of something or other onto you. Then he'd mock you for “overreacting,” saying your fear from his jump scares were too dramatic, or telling you to stop complaining because “it's just a dress, he can buy you another one.” Both were already incredibly insulting, but they stung even more because of how sensitive you are to stimuli. You don't know how else to react to a sudden loud noise right in your face. And, yes, while you are always at least partly disappointed when an outfit you spent the morning assembling is ruined (by the very man you had once assembled them for), what truly upset you was the uncomfortable feeling his substance of choice would leave on your skin, whether it was the substance itself, or the feeling of it sticking your clothes to you. 

The only consolation was that he was really rarely around. 

He was almost always out on business, leaving you to seek comfort in the form of your favorite butler, August. 

As the years passed, your relationship with Exavier remained stagnant while your relationship with August only grew. 

But three years into this loveless marriage and your family members, both by blood and by law, began expecting children. 

And what's worse?

Exavier didn't seem opposed. 

The thought terrified you. 

Enough was enough. 

You were going to run away with August. 

That night you packed only what you deemed essential, and in nothing but your nightgown and a cloak, you fled the manor. 

You waited for your lover in the garden for what seemed like ages. Doubts and fears began to fill your mind. Finally, you saw someone approaching…

But it wasn't August. 

The sight of your husband had your body racked in shivers. He appeared so calm. No, that wasn't quite it, it was more than that… he seemed… satisfied? Blissful, even? If that carefree smile was anything to go off of. Though, was it carefree? You really were never good at deciphering expressions. One thing was for certain; whatever feeling that smile represented was the opposite of how you felt. 

“Lovely night for a stroll,” he addressed you in his velvety voice. He had always had a beautiful voice, but you found it hard to appreciate it when all it ever did was tease and berate you. Besides, you didn't like the feel of velvet that much anyway. Everyone else seemed to love it, but you found the texture extremely unpleasant and refused to touch anything with it. 

But now we're just getting off track. 

Where were we?

Ah, yes. 

“Lovely night for a stroll, isn't it?” He then addressed you by name, but it felt… different. Usually when he said your name it was derisive. Cruel. Uncaring. This time, however? Caring. Gentle. Genuine. 

He continued, “You know, dear, if you wanted to go out for a walk, you should have told me. I would've joined you.”

You really did not have the mental or spiritual energy to unpack any of that, so you just replied, “I wanted to be alone.” 

He laughed. A sound that would have otherwise been delightful if not the associations it held for you. 

“If that were the case, then why would you ask for that little butler to accompany you then? Hm?” He said butler with the same patronizing tone he typically used when saying your name. 

Your blood ran cold. 

“Shame he won’t be able to make it, however. I’m afraid on my way here I saw him at the bottom of that dreadful pit I’ve been meaning to fill in. Must not have seen it in the dark. And to think, if he had simply stayed in bed instead of running out to meet with you tonight, he might still be alive. Pity.”

You couldn’t help the pathetic sob that escaped you. 

His eyes had that condescending look of pity again. The one he’d give after a particularly nasty prank. He approached you and placed his hands on your arms. His touch always left you wanting to crawl out of your skin, and it was even worse right then. However, you were too shocked to blink, let alone shake him off. Even though you desperately wanted to. 

“There, there,” he cooed in a patronizing tone that matched his expression. “No doubt the somber news has soured your little walk, hm? Let’s get you back in bed. On a much lighter topic, it has recently come to my attention that I have been leaving you all alone far too often, so I’ve planned a much needed holiday for the both of us! Just you and me.”

You finally managed to pull away, but stumbled and landed on the ground. The ground felt more appropriate for how you were feeling, anyway. You cradled your knees to your chest, wrapping your cloak completely around your body. “Why do you hate me?”

He blinked. 

Then he laughed. 

“Hate you?” He managed through his laughter. “No no no, my dear, you’ve got it all wrong. Hate you? I adore you!”

You blinked. 

Then you blinked again. 

Blinking was the only thing you could do.

Did you hear him wrong?? Surely, you heard him wrong. 

In your stupor he approached your huddled figure. He sat down next to you then brought you to rest on his lap. There wasn’t really much you could do.

“Dear, if I didn’t love you, you’d be at the bottom of that ditch with your butler.” He purred before readjusting slightly. “Let me tell you a story;

“You see, when it came to the topic of marriage, I was wholly ambivalent. It is an inevitability for someone of my class. Sooner or later I would be married off. My status called for sooner, though my sex allowed for later. Truly the deciding factor would be my parents, and it seems they had decided on sooner. I was to meet with the marriage candidate the next day. 

“I had no expectations for her. Perhaps she’d be pretty. That was about all I could hope for. I figured there were two possibilities; I’d either get a girl who played by the book and met every expectation thrust upon her, or some wily rule breaker who refused to conform to what society expects of her. Either option seemed rather unbearable, though for different reasons. Hopefully she would at least be decent to look at. 

“Lo and behold, the next day I go into my parlor to see who else but you. You and both of our parents, of course. And lucky me, you were average to moderately attractive. I figured that would be that, there’d be nothing else of note, but you proved me wrong. I was held steadfast by the look in your eyes. Your expression as a whole, really. You were glaring at me… but also trying your damnedest to not make it obvious. And failing, of course. The entire meeting I found myself watching your face with delighted intrigue. Despite the very apparent effort you put in trying to maintain a neutral expression, your face gave away your every thought and feeling. I watched as your eyes darted about the room, trying to take everything in. Your eyes wandered all over the parlor, and every time they would land on me, your face would form that adorable little pout before you’d readjust and look elsewhere. I just found the entire situation delicious. I mean, most women of your status would have mastered the art of masking their true feelings by then. The ones who didn’t simply didn’t care. But with you, it was not for a lack of trying, no no no. You were trying so very hard to be a good little noble girl for your family. But you were terrible at it. And that’s what caught my attention. I had such low expectations, but fate had gifted me with someone who could keep me invested. 

“Now, I admit I must have come off as cruel to you. But I just couldn’t help it. There’s something endlessly entertaining in the way you react to things. Again, it’s in the way you fail at what everyone else had perfected long ago. Simply precious. And so yes, I shouldn’t have delighted so much in your torment. But never in my wildest dreams did I expect you to run away! You’re barely a fully formed woman as is. What did you think was out there for you? If you could barely learn how to sit still and look pretty, how could you expect to survive out there in the real world? Ridiculous. But I suppose you certainly taught me, and I’ve learned my lesson: no more teasing. From now on I’ll be more open in my affections. I really should’ve realized someone like you would never have been able to pick up on my genuine feelings.”

Then, to add insult to injury, he sealed your doom with a boop on your nose. 

[johannestevans]

i wanted to write a BIG essay on disability in House MD but the thing is that as it goes on the show plays and delves with the themes a bit differently - like in s1 they begin to introduce some addict stuff but not too much, and much less of the big grapples with house's own medical agency etc by his friends and coworkers

so i think i'm gonna do an essay series, set up some main themes around disability and autonomy in house

the first things will obviously be about the nature of house's own disability, firstly talking about his physical disability - yes, the lack of mobility from his leg and his reliance on his cane, and also the chronic pain that that comes with, but also specifically noting that house became disabled later in life and was previously extremely physically active

while the themes of house being an addict are extremely overstated because of the us' manufactured opioid crisis and its dehumanisation of addicts due to its racist and eugenicist "war on drugs", it's also noteworthy that he used to exercise all day every day on top of fucking and playing with substances on the side. no one minded this because his "addiction" to exercise was fun and sexy and healthy, bc he was making his own pain-killing substances rather than taking a pill

and then also talking about house's mental health issues - evidence of his autism and the way that people hate specifically his autistic traits, even when they're not actually causing them problems, and the way in which house masks and performs certain emotional responses, but more so like. his depression and his loss of identity as a disabled man, and his difficulties being OKAY with his disability when everyone around him hates disability

so apart from that evidence, the points of house grappling with this stuff will be:

house bonding with other disabled patients - in cases of chronic pain, lost physical mobility, and also mental illness and/or neurodivergence

and house specifically understanding disabled people's perspectives, or thinking about the PRACTICAL needs of the person they're treating or engaging with rather than what society cares about or what the hospital thinks is "appropriate" or "proper"

house bullying abled people for being Weird

times where house makes commentary about the injustice of the system (when he points out that the hospital is designed not to treat the poor, chronically sick, etc)

house being anxious and defensive of his own bodily autonomy (eg when ppl are trying to control his pain management or force him into systems that don't work, take over his medical autonomy, in general try to physically control his behaviours)

esp bc season 1 culminates in the stacy episode where we find that like... so much of house's trauma is not just being disabled

but the fact that stacy OVERRODE his desires, waiting for him to be put into a medically induced coma so that she could make "the best" decision for him and literally being the cause of his current disability. esp bc like...

she specifically went for the middle ground that he rejected, she was NOT a doctor

and in so doing she. invented his chronic pain. like there's a reason that in that same episode, we see the volleyball player who gets an amputation and is able to go back to sports - yes, house is a lot older than that volleyball player, but like

if he had either treated the infarction successfully or just got an amputation so that he could later work with a prostheses, house thinks he would have done much better

and so much of his TERROR around trusting others - not just stacy but wilson, cuddy, anybody else - is because of that. the one person he loved and trusted overrode his desires and created the hell he lives in where he's just in constant agony and he hates it, and the worst part is like

everyone tells him it's his fault. no one cares about what stacy did to him, that she manipulated him. every day they tell house how terrible it is that he does that to others, but when it's what happened to him and he lives in hell, it's on him because he's Mean and Too Autistic and he should just Stop Being In Pain etc

god it kills me.

BUT YEAH i think. season by season is gonna be a lot better to track the development of these themes and the way they shift and change from season to season - also idefk if i'll be able to stick with like. the last three seasons bc they just suck so ba dhfskjjgh

BUT WE'LL SEE

[xpc-web-dev]

I loved it here, because in our neurotypical society everything is between the lines.

And if you're neurodivergent, you don't understand these hidden rules that others take for granted. I wish more stuff breathed manual/help to prepare like this.

And I hate how in our society judged as a neurodivergent person as wrong, and it's the rest who don't know how to be objective.

Like why do you want me to answer b if you ask me a? I'm not the dumb or aggressive one in the story, but you who don't know how to communicate objectively and directly.

[unlocked-doors-verse]

Origins: Character Headcanons + Lore Thoughts

Good timezone!

So, here's some added development to the AU! Of course, Mystery Kids is still happening but again, I have a lot of prompts to get through

For starters, the readers are not immediately introduced to all of the characters at once; this will be split in about 4-5 one-shots (certain characters will meet the others beforehand and then do a big meet toward the end- that is all i'm going to say for now). Part 1 is actively being worked on - ft. a cross between Danny Phantom and Miraculous Ladybug, but for now- I plan on focusing with character headcanons and some additional lore elements everyone can be privy too!

On one hand, we have Danny Phantom and Miraculous Ladybug where we have Danny Fenton, Adrien Agreste, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng - and their initial first meeting during Secret Origins

Danny Phantom / Miraculous Ladybug Headcanons

~ Out of the trio, Danny is the oldest; Adrien and Marinette are the youngest (there's a year of difference between them and Danny) [author's cut: I based this on when the respective shows came out. Danny Phantom aired in the early 2000's with Miraculous Ladybug getting released sometime in 2014/2015]

~ This isn't spoilers per se, but there's going to be a case of mistaken identity when Danny meets Adrien and Mari for the first time. The rest is spoilers, and I will leave you to try and figure it out! The only thing I'm going to say is that ghosts aren't a common thing in Paris-

~ This is set in an ambiguous timeline- the only thing I will say for certain is that Phantom Planet has yet to happen. A lot of the current canon for Miraculous Ladybug has been completely disregarded- partially because I never got past... I'd say season five? (and what I've heard about the newer seasons sounds like entering the Twilight Zone-)

~ Danny is auDHD because it just makes sense- (he has dual special interests on space and inventions; not to mention his ghostly obsession)

~ Adrien and Mari are definitely some breed of neurodivergent (autistic! Adrien, at least and I thought Mari is ADHD or something- this is canon now you can't tell me I'm wrong /lh)

~ Danny and his family end up in Paris, France during the summer due to reasons

~ so far, no identity reveals beyond the obvious have happened. For Danny, it only applies to Sam and Tucker; in Miraculous Ladybug, Mari isn't willing to share her identity with Adrien (this is done on purpose as this is still early into the character introductions)

~ this is no way a spoiler, but Adrien and Danny are so going to bond over puns and jokes- (and other reasons but shhh)

~ unresolved traumas? oh, absolutely- like on one hand, you have Danny who has definitely been going through the burner with protecting his own identity not from his enemies but his parents; Mari definitely has a savior complex and is so set on saving everyone, she barely puts herself first- and Adrien, my sweet summer child- how do I explain what this kid is going through when it comes to Gabriel fucking Agreste? (author's cut: Gabriel is not a good parent lol- I'm not doing a full meta-analysis on him but he doesn't really have Adrien's best interests at heart)

~ Adrien does try to see the best in everyone, but he is wearing down from certain things- i am not going to sugarcoat things, because this is going to a different level of mature and Adrien does try and cover how he feels

Lore Thoughts + Elements

~ As mentioned before, ghosts are not a common thing within Paris. Danny would be an outlier in the equation because this isn't something the citizens have seen before, and it might take some time for them to adjust further into the first arc of the SQ AU

~ If this somehow isn't obvious, Akuma attacks do not occur inside Amity Park (as for one thing, Hawk Moth has never once stepped foot inside the city and for another- ghosts and Kwamis do not mix, it's just not possible)

~ however, citizens from Amity Park can be Akumatized should they leave or if, say, somehow- they were brought into the city but for now, do what you will with this information. Good luck

~ (implied plot elements) "In the purple smoke lies what you hold most dear; to undo what has been done, break the cycle and rewind the masked's design". (author's cut: i'm sure you can figure this one out, but honestly there is so much more coming, so keep an eye out!)

~ Secret Origins Lore / Teen Heroes AU (the name is still subject to change): as mentioned before, there will be about 4-5 one-shots before the main story releases- this may have a little bit of major plot arcs so read at your own discretion - due to the overlapping themes within the four fandoms, there are multiple sectors throughout the world that are specifically for the current growing number of teen superheroes (author's cut: the Dragon Council, for instance- among others, take with this what you will. of course there's more to come)

~ since this is only the first in the Secret Origins background- character introductions are fairly limited; and honestly, I was going to use one of the specials to push forth the lore but ultimately, I scrapped that version (but I could rewrite the version of events that could have happened: especially since I had tied it back to the New York special-) though the alternate version aside, going back to the introductions- the point is for the sectors to slowly become part of... well, let's just say that certain alliances within this piece are going to be only one part of what's to come-

(Author's Cut: As of right now, this project continues to remain a Work in Progress and of course, I'm trying to limit myself with the spoilers- currently the early stages of the Miraculous Ladybug x Danny Phantom fanfic are being worked on, and I am considering writing a small snippet of it! Without spoilers, of course!

You’re going to see a lot more for this and the Unlocked Doors AU soon. These poor kids are definitely going to through it.)

~ Mod Danny

[garciafamlover500]

Javier Garcia HC's because why not? (Some things are most likely OOC)

Bisexual (Canon), Transmasc and Polyamorous (both HC).

Autistic + hard of hearing (My man shot a gun right beside the same ear TWICE)

Dating tripp and jesus (Tall, big muscles, beards, this man definitely has a type-)

Cat person all the way, can and will adopt any stray cat he sees

He has a massive sweet tooth and his favorite dessert is pudding. But he also loves latino cuisine with his favorites being nachos, Ropa Vieja, Arroz con pollo and Tamales

Can't cook for shit, never let him inside the kitchen

Lets clem and mariana paint his nails, and sometimes he even lets them doll up his face a little

One time, he lost a bet to tripp and conrad during a game and had to wear a dress for the entire day. At first he felt embarrassed as hell, but as time went by he actually grew to enjoy wearing it, heck some people (including david surprisingly) actually complimented him about it! Needless to say, this was when javi realized he was GNC

(Pre transition) Javi used to bind with ace bandages for awhile because he didn’t have enough money to buy a proper binder until David bought one for him

Started taking HRT when he was 16

Hates hot weather and prefers the cold, he loves snuggling up by the fireplace while drinking a nice cup of hot chocolate with his two giant boyfriends

used to hate his freckles because when he was younger some asshole kid called them ugly. However, after a little reassurance from david he started to grow fond of them. Tripp and jesus love planting small kisses on them whenever they get the chance

Had an emo phase when he was in middle school

Has a tooth gap

Taught gabe and mariana how to play baseball when they were little

Infodumps about baseball A LOT, stims in multiple different ways, and whenever he feels overstimulated mariana would usually lend him her headphones and tape player so he could cool off for awhile

Since he’s HOH, they’ll be times when he has difficulty hearing certain things, so he communicates through sign language sometimes

He also uses sign language to communicate whenever he feels over/under-stimulated, this is due to him going nonverbal when overwhelmed or underwhelmed

Does NOT fully forgive Eleanor, and probably won’t be anytime soon

GARCIA BROTHERLY FLUFF TIME!

He and David are slowly staring to rekindle their relationship, they’ll be times when they meet up on one of the rooftops of one of Richmond’s buildings at night and just talk about random stuff, be it from current events or past memories, while staring up at the stars and enjoying each other’s company

One time, some random douchebag kept bothering javi about his past with gambling, and David just walked up to the guy and fucking decks him in the jaw

David tended to tease javi from time to time whenever javi would gush about Jesus and Tripp. And when javi announced he was dating them, David couldn’t help but feel a little overprotective

He and David would speak spanish when having a conversation somtimes

David was the classic older brother when they were growing up: Pranking javi, putting things out of reach for him, calling dibs on everything first, you name it!

I HC that David was actually pretty good at baseball as a kid, that’s one reason why javi really got into it as well

David was the first person javi came out to as trans, bi AND neurodivergent

After the whole new frontier fiasco, David started to have nightmares about nearly killing javi back at the water tower and would wake up screaming his name with tears in his eye. One night javi caught him having one of these nightmares and when he was able to wake him up, David just broke down in his embrace while apologizing over and over again and javi would just hold him and encouraged him to let it all out.

(possible part 2! Let me know what yall think)

[lil-miss]

Azi’s Zim is Disabled Essay

So there are a lot of different interpretations about Zim being defective that exist. There are a lot of interpretations about what it means to be defective in the first place. I would like to propose that being defective, not only relates to neurodivergence and “non-desirable” behavior (anything that goes against the Irken regime) but also certain physical disabilities, in specific chronic illnesses.

I would like to draw a line here because I firmly believe that the Irken Empire would not give a shit about limb differences. They are technologically advanced (even if their technology is mostly stolen from other species) so, to them, it would be entirely cosmetic and one could simply get cybernetics. However, a problem with the body’s systems cannot be as easily addressed. Thus, Irkens with conditions, like these would be considered defective. Due to their condition, they cannot contribute in the same way as others if they can contribute at all. They would be considered a liability. That’s right, the space fascists are probably also eugenicists (shocking no one). I mean seriously, that’s pretty easy to see. They literally genetically engineer their own people to near perfection.

The only way for a genetic issue like this to happen with the way smeets are made would be because of some kind of cloning error. Anyone reading this probably knows that a popular headcanon about Zim is that he is the product of some kind of cloning error. This is a headcanon that I agree with. So, if Zim is the product of a cloning error what saying that he doesn’t have some kind of invisible disability like a chronic illness.

Putting the lore side, when you look at the Irken Empire, as a satirical representation of America, its greed, its disregard for citizens, and its imperialism, having Zim be disabled makes thematic sense. Zim is actively disregarded by and pushed out of Irken society, many people tend to interpret this as Zim being autistic or another neurodivergent parallel, which I agree with. However, why not take this a step further, why not make a Zim physically disabled?

The closest thing within fandom spaces that I’ve seen to interpreting Zim as disabled, is making Zim autistic or deaf/hard of hearing. However, when this is written it usually has little to no bearing on the plot of whatever is being written. It is almost always a superficial detail of some kind like the occasional mention of Zim having a hard time hearing something, not understanding subtext, or wearing a hearing aid.

I don’t think this is a problem within the Invader Zim fandom; I am well aware that there is just not much fic about disabled characters in which they are actively discussed as being disabled or their disability is important to the plot in some way. I am not blaming anyone for this issue, it’s just the fact that not many people write disabled characters. I think this problem mostly comes from the fact that people are scared of messing it up. Quick message: if you think that you have a good writing idea that involves a disabled character, make sure you do your research, but fucking write it! Even if they aren’t anywhere close to implied to being disabled in canon. What is the point of fanfiction if not to give fans the space to interpret the character however they please?

Apologies for the tangent but it was important. I’m going to shift the topic a bit, onto examining a symptom of chronic illness that I see in Zim within the canon. Specifically, I think that it explains one of the main inconsistencies in Zim’s character.

Many people including myself have noticed the fact that Zim is simultaneously very smart, but also very incompetent at times. This seems to be a contradiction because someone as smart as he is shown to be, logically, shouldn’t be making some of the mistakes that he does within the canon. And I have a plausible solution to this: brain fog. Brain fog is an overarching name for a collection of symptoms that includes an inability to focus and concentrate, confusion, unusually inhibited logic skills, feeling disoriented, as well as trouble remembering and comprehending information. If Zim was intermittently experiencing these symptoms, the inconsistency of him being simultaneously a genius and on many occasions almost completely incompetent would be explained. Brain fog is a symptom of a lot of different things, personally, I interpret it as chronic pain and immunodeficiency for my Zim headcanons and my AU.

Being able to deep dive into Fem Zim’s experience with her disability as she continues her story is important to me. Describing her chronic pain is important to me. Not having a fix for her condition is important to me. Having a character that is not just disabled, but who talks about their disability, has prose dedicated to their symptoms, and has it as an important part of their character building and development is something that I do not see. Let alone anyone with a similar condition to me. Zim is that character for me, whether it’s me going into specifics about Fem Zim’s symptoms within my own AU, or me as a kid, first getting into Invader Zim, and seeing so much of myself in Zim as a character.

You can interpret Zim however you want, I’m not telling you what to do. But I would like to point out that this is an entirely underutilized interpretation that in a fandom that has existed for over 20 years know I do not know of any other genuine instance of.

My only explanation for that is that y'all are cowards. /j

[mr-gallows]

Leon Kennedy headcanons: Romantic Relationships

Reposting because tumblr ate it. Based on RE4 Remake Leon.

I said in a previous post that RE4 Remake Leon reminded me a little of Mr. Darcy. With his crush, he’d be more quiet than usual. Unsure of how to act on feelings (or if he should) and worried how his crush would react. Being slightly curt with his crush. Trying to sneak some stares and looking away just as he’s about to get caught. They would be certain that he dislikes them, when he’s really just nervous. They would never guess he had a crush on them  because he’d seem so distant. But he would do some nice things behind the scenes. Overhear you saying you need to buy some trivial thing, you come back the next day and it’s on your desk. Stiffly suggests going out together, but just casually, of course. It’s not like he likes you or anything. Puts on a serious face and asks if you’d like to get coffee:

This is exactly the face he makes when he asks. This is a very serious situation. “Coffee. Would you join me for some?”

(RE2 Leon would have handled it differently. Still shy and awkward, but definitely less businesslike. More prone to blushing and chuckling nervously. “I was..um...wondering if you’d like to get some coffee. Sometime. Anytime-uh..”)

Now I think this cold/distant approach I’m describing is something that happens if Leon is actually romantically interested in someone. If he’s just looking to fuck he’s more suave and flirtatious. So if he has a one-night stand that turns into something more, his partner is going to be in a very awkward situation while he figures his shit out. He doesn’t seem like a romantic person, but the want for romance is definitely there. He’s just very pragmatic and task oriented. But in his heart of hearts, he wants something deep and intimate; a melding of two souls. He just doesn’t really indulge in those feelings because he thinks it won’t happen for him.

If someone gives him a very heartfelt and sincere compliment, he doesn’t really know what to do. He gets flustered internally and it doesn’t compute. Just kind of goes blank. That, or he laughs it off. Did they really just say that? Do I need to get my hearing checked? When pursuing women, he’s definitely got an urge to be gentlemanly. It can come off as a little traditional. He’s definitely egalitarian in his beliefs, he just falls back on convention with dating, ie: paying for dinner, giving his date his coat if she gets cold, etc. When pursuing men, that’s where he’s out of his element. In my headcanon, Leon didn’t accept he was into men until he was an adult. With women, he falls back on the conventions of dating, but with men, he has to rethink it. Do we split the bill? Do I pay? Does he pay? It’s easier for men to make him blush as well. When pursuing enbys, he’d be more careful and anxious. He’d probably still unconsciously take up a masculine role, but he’d ask a lot more about how they’d prefer he act. He doesn’t want them to be uncomfortable around him. Pays careful attention to how they want to present one day to the next if they’re fluid. (God damn it I want a fic of Leon finding out his crush is non-binary lol) Leon might take a little time learning to work with neurodivergent partners, but once he learns what they need, he’s very patient, understanding, and attentive to their needs. (sidenote: I adore autistic Leon headcanons)

Ends up dating normie women a lot, but has a soft spot for alternative   women/men/enbys. They tend to enjoy the same music as him so he likes that. I get this feeling from Remake Leon specifically. I feel like OG Leon wouldn’t be interested in alt people that much.

Artistic types are foreign but intriguing to him because he doesn’t have a creative bone in his body. It would be so funny to see him getting with an academic nerd type? “I don’t care for this architecture. Who pairs Corinthian columns with Ogival arches?” “Yeah babe, it’s terrible.” (has no idea what they’re talking about) “Whoever is responsible must pay for this assault on my senses.” “I’ll get on that.” (sarcasm) He’s drawn to people who are intelligent and compassionate. People who are mature and capable of deeper discussion. Likes people he can learn from. Also a plus if someone can defend themselves or is willing to learn to. He doesn’t want to worry about their safety. It’s one of the main reasons he doesn’t look for a partner (for now...I’m sure there’s a breaking point. A dark sense of humor is also appreciated, though he typically makes sure to be sensitive with serious subjects himself. If you can get him to do a double take with a dark joke, he’s going to remember you. End: feel free to give feedback!

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

Question, could I request the riddlers with s/o who has sensory issues? If you feel comfortable writing for it

Riddler Party x Reader With Sensory Issues

OH BOY, DO I... You came to the right place I have PLENTY of personal experience with sensory issues. Nightmare. Lots of Riddler parties lately! Seems like you guys LIKE them or something.

For those unaware, I'll be referencing sensory overload which is a common experience with neurodivergent people where certain sensations become Too Much and sets off an intensive reaction emotionally and/or physically. For example, me being autistic, when I personally experience overload I first get really irritable and uncomfortable which can quickly turn to hyperventilation/feeling like I cannot breath if i can't resolve/get away from the source of the overload. I tend to have issues with a bit of everything sensory wise, but it can be a little different for everyone with certain sensations being much more likely to trigger or be upsetting than it is for others.

TW: Ableism mention, self-harm relating to bad sensory issues

Gotham

Oh does he know all about it. He's the one who is definitely on spectrum and experiences the most outward symptoms. The worst for him is the sensations of bad touch and textures. Fortunately smell doesn't bother him much considering his old line of work. Yet if it's something that bothers you, he'll be happy to keep some coffee nearby! Coffee contains nitrogen, which helps neutralize odors. So it's a natural deodorizer! If.... If that's what bothers you.

The most sympathetic to sensory issues because he knows what it's like. He's also very aware of the consequences of too much turning into sensory overload. You'll notice a lot of his clothing is rather sleek, more of a silken or cotton texture. As a child he had this wool sweater his father would make him wear until Edward scratched himself to bleeding. Anything slightly itchy on his skin will send him over the fucking edge. Maybe you relate.

He will get overprotective about you getting set off. A little baggie of coffee beans, ready to cut the wiring on lights that are too bright, maybe even shoot someone not willing to turn the goddamn music down! Excuse me, this dish has x and that has a bad mouth feel so they NEED to take this back and remake it. If it's you, you deserve the fuss.

BTAS

Not related to sensory issues per say, but this is the man that would make the highest tier fidget gear for you. You can bet he would be equally attentive to satisfying sensory issue situations. Get ready for weighted blankets and a room that is basically a sensory cocoon for you to escape to when things get to be too much. It's not a devoid space, it's just a room set up for you that he'll never put air fresheners or candles in, it has some light sound proofing and it's own thermostat. He'll call it your "office."

He already modified most of his place to be adjustable at the drop of a hat, but now he polishes it off and gives you the remote. Dimmer type switches for all the lights in the house and you can shutter up the windows, too. He's ready to cater to whatever it is that irritates you in particular.

If you ever get a sensory overload in public, he's the one who will notice and quickly whisk you away to a quiet and safe spot to help you come down. Breathing exercises that he made sure to look up for you, hugging pressure if that's what you need and a soft voice to ground you.

60s

You are going to need to remind him a lot. It's not because he doesn't care or won't do anything for you, it's because a lot of his life is kind of nightmarish sensory-wise and he's just used to that level of chaos by now. He does everything big! Big lights, big sounds, you get it. Plus he doesn't really know a lot of neurodivergent people so it's not something he's actively aware or thinking of.

That being said, however, he's doing the equivalent of taking his jacket off so you can cross a puddle- but with sensory issues! "Oh! Pretty thing, do cover your ears, this might be loud." Mentally keeps a list of foods or ingredients that you don't like the texture of. Just in case he notices before you! Then he gets the bonus of being your knight in armor looking out for you.

If anyone were to be rude about it or uncompromising, he'd take it as a personal offense. Likely give them a witty riddle, a slight scare and then plots to ruin their day/life in the near future. No one is going to mess with you and get away with it.

Zero Year

Undiagnosed, but lowkey has the Tism. He's INCREDIBLY picky about the food he eats because of related sensory issues. It can't be too mushy, it can't be too grainy, it can't be too hard to chew- the list goes on. He's an expert at sending things back in restaurants if it bothers him, so he'll definitely do it for you.

Just know that at times he will be too self-involved and might unintentionally set you off before remembering last second. He'll be apologetic when he does it! Try to suck up and get back on your good side. Remember all the times he went out of his way to do NICE things for your sensory issues!

He will be downright obnoxious if someone else is setting off your sensory issues, however. Do you know the statistics of the population having sensory issues and YOU'RE playing loud music in your tiny shitty establishment? Do you know what that's like for someone who is sensitive to auditory issues? Maybe a little experiment is in order...

Do not ask what the experiment entails unless you want graphic details.

Arkham

Has sensory issues himself but would never admit there could be something "wrong" with him, so he downplays it a LOT as if it's just a regular experience. It's one of several reasons why his hideouts tend to lack the noise of other people. He also immensely dislikes physical touch unless he initiates it himself or it's you. So when you explain it, he's both understanding a little surprised.

Of course there's a name for it. There's a name for everything and he knew that- but also... knowing there's a phrasing to explain what he's been experiencing is enlightening to say the least. Considering this is the man that would make fidget rings and the like to keep you occupied if you also stim, he's going to try and be attentive to sensory stuff.

If it's something like aversion to his machinery noises, for example, while he's not going to stop making things... You find a set of noise-cancelling headphones waiting at the door when you enter the hideout. He won't stop specific behaviors of his for you, but he'll try to find ways of making it okay for you. Compromising! It's definitely showing his way of loving you since anyone else he'd tell them to fuck off if they didn't like how he lives his life.

Telltale

Don't take this the wrong way but at first, he's going to think you're just being overly sensitive/picky. Because you're his partner, he's not going to be intentionally rude about it. If something is bothering you, he'll try to take care of it. Whether it's a sound or smell or feel on your skin- He doesn't mind taking whatever steps to try and resolve it.

Likely he won't take it seriously until there's A) A sensory overload or B) You really have a conversation with him about why it's a big deal. Mentioning how it's not that different from his OCD triggers would be helpful here. Then he gets it.

His grand narcissism still effects his perception of other people's issues, even when it's the one he loves. Once he has the realization, however, he'll be getting on the ball and will torment anyone who doesn't take you seriously. What are your needs? He wants to have the full discussion. Because, whatever it is, he plans on you having it from now on.

2022

While it might not be sensory issues exactly, he knows the sensation of being mentally and physically overloaded in a way that could incapacitate you entirely. The moment you tell him, he's almost apologetic. Are you telling him because he did something that triggered your issues? No? Oh, thank god.

If it's related to touching, it'll be a little hard for him at first. He really wants to cuddle and be physically affectionate but he will respect your boundaries if it really bothers you. Otherwise, this guy is going to have the softest blankets and pillows for you to burrow in after a hard day. He can even lay on you or the blankets for a weighted component! Matching cozy sweaters and socks that are soft on your skin.

Sensory overload will scare the shit out of him the first time it happens. Such an intense reaction and you seem so distressed! Afterwards he'll be learning the signs that it could be starting with you and your triggers so that he can shut it down before it gets bad. He is not above murder to stop the trigger if need be. It's for his angel, after all!

[muppetears-stuff]

Warren hate has always been ableist in the very beginning. He gets too much shit for not understanding Max's body language. He gets a lot of hate 'for not taking a hint' or understanding social cues. Hell in the very beginning of the fandom like in 2015 i think i remember there were angry pricefielders calling Warren the literal r slur because he's 'so stupid'. Their words not mine. l I've seen people talk about how they're convinced he's a s*ciopath or a n*rcissist or a ps*chopath which I find ableist and uncomfortable. I think the biggest red flag from the fandom is how there's a lot of shit talk about Warren is an 'obsessive freak/stalker' in their eyes to talking in general about how 'obsessiveness' and 'obsessions' are red flags and are signs of 'evil' apparently and not symptoms of mental illness or neurodivergency apparently. I really relate to Warren and I also suffer from obsessive and actual intrusive thoughts, so i find this fandom to be extremely cruel and alienating toward people with stigmatizing illnesses which I find explains the Chloe demonization bc she is so BPD coded. I don't think Warren is autistic coded like Max but I do think he's ADHD / OCD coded in a way I can't explain. Sorry to drop this really long rant in your inbox, but you're not wrong about the Warren demonization and I just wanted to say something about it. Becauze the demonization of all these characters go back to ableism and the Life Is Strange fandom is the most ableist fandom I've ever been in at all and that really speaks volume about how atrocious it is.

THIS ^^^ YES. FUCKING YES, ABSOLUTELY.

I find the Warren hate unwarranted (hehe) and SUPER FUCKING ABLEIST. you make amazing points, thank you for putting my thoughts into words anon🙏🙏

He very much struggles with social interactions, very evident by the way he only talks teachers or people that are into the same stuff as him, he can become very chatty, sometimes too much, when it comes to things he likes which comes off as "annoying" and "obsessive" when he just wants friends.

Mr. Well's talks about it in his student file, btw.

I share. Alot of the same traits as Warren, with myself also having ADHD and liking science and talking excessively to the point where I find MYSELF annoying.

It's so upsetting too that the developers leaned INTO the stalker/obsessive Warren allegations that I can't even fucking talk about him or mentioning that I like him on certain platforms without the fear of people saying I "support stalking" which I don't. I can't defend him and say that he wasn't stalking without someone going, "but it's canon, the developers confirmed it!!" Yeah well, Mark and Nathan have done some more fucked up shit and I still see people defend them. (I love Nathan too for his complexity and ability to become better. He just needed help, but it doesn't excuse anything he did.)

Warren is the best character. He had so much potential to be an amazing recurring character, but he was their simply for plot convenience or to make the player not suspicious that Mark could be behind everything because Warren was "creepy"

I'm probably gonna have people saying I'm being a baby over this and that he's a fictional character and stuff, you can totally have your own opinion on Warren Graham, I'm not telling you you can't, just please stop calling people who like him "stalkers" or say they support stalking and creepy behavior, when that isn't true. The amount of hate towards anyone that isn't Max or Chloe, and then the immediate hate on YOU for not liking them or liking/defending another character makes me sick, as well as the flat out abelism. The reason why I left the fandom in the first place before picking it back up because of Warren<3

Thank you again, Anon. For sending me such a lovely ask(?) And letting me rant about him because he's my favorite, and I agree with you so much, you're so right<3

[box-architecture]

i really love your comunication knife au. it's so interesting and has it's wholesome moments. Especially for how the three have really different dynamics with it's fucked up and cute details. I love your cpunz so much!! i really like the warden!dream au with c!Q and c!Sam bc it's so fucked up but so good too. And also the idea of c!Q trying to sell c!dream's milk it's kinda funny

I thought "yes I will respond to this very coherently and well thought out" but actually I got a bad grade in Talking To People so you're getting this meme. Does this convey my affection. You're receiving love and warm blankets. Unless its Hot where you are. Then you're getting an air conditioning.

Listen Listen. You See. cPunz is objectively so fucking fun as a character. He knows he's hot shit and is fully confident in who he is as a person. He likes to murder people and there's no tragic sad reasoning for it he's just Like That. He feels emotions, like anger, so strongly but he's a master of schooling his expressions because he needs to be. Things have to be a certain way for him, no he can't tell you Why things need to be like that they just Do.

He doesn't need to wear a mask or pretend around Dream because Dream accepts him fully for the ride or die madman he is, and Punz can't lose him and live in a world where no one sees Punz, only The Mercenary only Just A Guy Who Exists only shallow smiles of friendliness but never any deeper connections because Punz is a complex and complicated person, but no one wants the Punz who complains about poor quality in jewelry, or the Punz who Hates being late to appointments, because the part of him that likes making contracts, likes things A Certain Way considers being late A Breach Of Contractual Obligation.

They don't want to put up with his quirks, his insistence on runes being carved into his friends armor, because he's got old superstitions from when he was a kid, and even if the runes he's got aren't enchantments, it makes him feel better to know he's personally carved the rune for 'protection' into their armor. Its about how Punz can and will read the trashiest novel specifically to highlight and mark it up and explain Why it sucks and how it could be improved, and he will infodump about it for hours if you let him, but only Dream does anymore, only Dream will look over his shoulder at Punz's work and ask in depth questions and let Punz ramble, genuinely makes time for Punz to be himself. Wears armor with runes that don't glow with power but were placed with love and care, and has learned to show up on time or a few minutes early because he Knows its important to Punz. People don't want to know Punz, they just like what Punz can do for them.

This was just a really long ramble that can be tldr into Punz Is Autistic. To Me.

Next time I'll ramble about the Neurodivergent Triangle and how Dream is ADHD and Sam is OCD probably. Listen its Important for you to understand the intricacies of Sam's OCD-

Ok listen you know Quackity is the sort of problematic man who would look at the stupidest shit and think "how can I turn a profit out of this" because his inner capitalist can't be contained. He's the level of cringefail man that attempts to run an mlm and ends up with 600 products he can't get rid of because no one on the server uses fragrances except Hannah who is a living fragrance diffuser that constantly smells like flowers occasionally tinged with copper. He has decided not to sell to her.

[greghatecrimes]

I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself. 

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

[lady-lazagna]

dropping her. on the floor. (art by qloof <3)

Pick her up This Instant >:(

Shoyo is very sopping wet feral kitten at the beginning of their story, but Birrung meets the rest of the crew after Fury. So when they're most likely to meet, she's sort of a well-rounded person? She has a goat boy maybe-baby, a positive outlook, and a purpose in life, y'know?

But you know what else they are? Probably autistic. *ENTER MADINA* who, while not super good at making the genuine connections she wants, does know neurodivergence when she sees it and tries to empathise and act accordingly. So, while Shoyo's likely quiet and unsure in their first meeting, Madina sort of tries to convey her autistic vibes as well?? Try to subtly hint that I Know What You Are And So Am I. After that, I think they could get along fairly well, but are by no means besties. They don't have matching whimsey levels, I feel. Also not sure if Shoyo would love the whole crime, drugs, and bullying thing Madi's got going on🤷‍♀️ They might like the romance levels and the zest for life she has though!! And if Madina can keep trying to make Shoyo laugh, then who really cares about morals? :D

Kylie isn't necessarily pushy when it comes to getting to know people, but she's far more outgoing than Madina is, so she and Shoyo will either become fast friends or... not. I'd lean towards the former since their whimsey levels are far more matched. I think Shoyo could appreciate some good classic childish fun, like a tea party or running through a field of flowers. BUT if Shoyo's thinking of bringing any of their morally compromised dudebros along with them it is JOVER. Kylie has zero tolerance for morally compromised men (ignore her crushes pls btw she doesn't have ANY double standards).

Surprisingly I think they'd get along with Ashanti the most. They match in open sincerity and strong belief in Friendship and The Blader's Spirit. Though I think Shoyo's definitely more hopeful when it comes to the good these things can truly bring out, whereas Ash is less likely to give people the time of day if they're continuously fucking things up. It'd be like that Steven Universe meme, with Ashanti putting her hand on Shoyo's shoulder saying "I think we have to kill this guy, Shoyo" and Shoyo going "damn :(". Overall I think they both have a certain protagonist air that would make them gel quite nicely, like Gingka and the gang. They could go on adventures and learn valuable lessons about the world and themselves along the way. Maybe talk about the triumphs and tribulations of having siblings.

[lightandwinged]

SO. I've been trying for a hot minute to get an autism diagnosis because even though I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, you can't really use that if you're requesting accommodations somewhere (like a place of employ or a school or what-have-you). I'm self-diagnosed, in other words, which is a thing I used to hate, but I've obviously changed my mind there because (a) who fucking cares, and (b) getting an actual diagnosis as an adult woman is a bit like trying to run a marathon in swim flippers. Like you might get there eventually, but you've been given such an absurd handicap that it's easier to just give up about a hundred feet in and take a cab.

The tl;dr is that I finally had an appointment and while I didn't get an autism diagnosis (because, as it turned out, the neuropsychiatrist I saw literally could not do that without my insurance then charging me several thousand dollars wtf), it was not ruled out; and I did get diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD (which tracks) and nonverbal learning disorder (which is new).

With the ADHD, I am not surprised because apparently the latest version of the DSM categorizes a lot of women's autism cases as being funky ADHD. But it also tracks with the way my life has kind of worked to this point, so even though I don't think ADHD explains everything, it does at least track with my shitty homework doing abilities, my failure to pay attention to literally anything by itself no matter how much I want to do so, and a whole host of other WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, BRAIN, things. I have no idea what the next steps will be there--typically, I'd be like sure, let's try drugs, but apparently all the ADHD meds that exist are rare to find these days, so we're just going to put a pin in that and come back to it some other time.

And then there's the NVLD, which is.

Okay.

It's not a new diagnosis as a whole because it's been talked about since ages ago and thrown around as a diagnosis for people since at least the 80s, BUT it's really coming into prominence lately since Asperger's Syndrome was correctly removed as a potential diagnosis. The name is stupid because it makes it sound like I'm nonverbal completely, which I am the opposite. What the disorder actually entails is struggling with literally everything that isn't verbal learning; or not even struggling but it doesn't come as easily as verbal learning. Like part of my diagnosis was an IQ test, and I'm apparently a literal genius when it comes to verbal intelligence, but everything else was in the normal range, which isn't BAD but also when you're REALLY good at one thing and then everything else is just normal, it feels like you're bad at everything else.

Anyway, it's basically marked by exactly that, being really good at verbal intelligence and then having struggles of varying levels in other areas, especially visual/spatial and social. It's typically comorbid with at least one other neurodivergence (ADHD, autism, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc.), but it's not a diagnosis in the DSM just yet, so it's the kind of thing where knowing you have it helps with recognizing that no, it's not my fault that I trip over thick clumps of air and can't do math or socialize to save my life BUT I also can't really go into a workplace and be like "you need to allow me this this and this accommodation because NVLD" because without DSM recognition, it's not necessarily legally protected, which is bullshit.

But I guess that's what the ADHD is for.

IN ANY CASE. I've also decided not to give up on an autism diagnosis because it's possible but it's an uphill battle. I have to find the funds for it (because insurance won't cover the assessment), and then I have to find a neuropsychiatrist who won't take insurance so that I can actually get assessed, and THEN I have to get an appointment, but I want to have it on record, one way or another.

And also this basically has me pretty solidly certain that once I've figured out the fibromyalgia pain and fatigue, writing A Lot needs to happen because like... if you're Very Gifted With Words and not writing, maybe you should change that, or maybe just I should, idk.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

I'd like to talk a little bit more about my hangups re: kink, because I've been avoiding the topic for fear of stepping on the toes of others whose shame runs in the opposite direction of mine. But I think clamming up about it might be worse for me.

So, the thing is, I have - as best as I can tell - a lower pain tolerance than many people. (People in general, not just kinksters.) This has come up in numerous settings - finding sensations in a roughhousing-style game excruciatingly painful, when they didn't seem to bother anyone else; having people express surprise that I found certain things too hot to pick up with my bare hands; being straight-up mocked by a medical professional for not being able to calmly tolerate a certain type of pain during a procedure (yeah, not great behaviour from that person!). It maybe sounds silly, but it's something I'm sort of embarrassed and ashamed about.

So a lot of discussions or portrayals of masochism are.... triggering is too strong a word, but I do instinctively recoil from a lot of them. It's hard to explain this part, because it's not painplay as a whole that squicks me - in a lot of ways it appeals to me! - but certain framings and motivations surrounding it, and certain types of portrayals, trip me up a lot*. It brings up a lot of "AAAHHHHH that would feel bad! but it's probably normal and tolerable for most people, and I'm the defective one!" and then the shame kicks in. Not the most rational or accurate thought process, but there you go.

(*tbh, this sometimes makes it hard for me to find fic, because when the sensation of pain is given a lot of attention and weight, it's off-putting because that would be unpleasant for me to experience, but when the pain is described as intrinsically pleasurable, with the language and embodied experiences that would support that, it feels immersion-breaking - and the latter is often done in a way where I can't tell if it's a failure of writing, or if it genuinely does feel that way to some people. Just, ugh, I'm mainly here for the motivations and character dynamics surrounding the exchange of pain, can we move on to that, please?)

And this has really been amplified by how distressingly masochist-centric a lot of kink defenses on tumblr have been in the past few years, and specifically discussions of the intersection of kink and neurodivergence. I can think of two separate threads talking about "how kink helps autistic people" where it becomes clear that by "kink" the posters in question are only thinking of receiving pain. This wasn't people talking about their own experiences, this was people making broad sweeping generalizations - so, yeah, I'd say that's a fucking oversight! It's kind of fucked me up, frankly - not just by amplifying my shame, but in making me think "oh, I'm not really kinky, because I'm not into that one specific thing" even though there are plenty of other aspects of it that I am interested in, some of which are pretty transgressive.

So, yeah. That's a bit more about where the insanity comes from.

[garetthawke]

as someone who has a lot of trauma and baggage from a lifetime of abuse and neglect, both at the hands of family and friends, as well as a general experience of rejection and ostricization due to being obviously neurodivergent, i can say for certain that on the path to seeking growth and healing from it all, the worst advice and perspectives come from neurotypical people.

the common "don't put negative expectations/projections onto people! that's terrible, they love you!" thing as a way to divert the belief that people you care about don't like you is...usually completely devoid of any understanding of what it's like to grow up with the people you care about actually not liking you.

"who would actually do something like that?" well, abusive families, neurotypical people when dealing with autistic people, etc.

the idea that this anxiety and trauma comes from misconceptions rather than lived experience is so fucking naive, and telling us that its only a misconception will help nothing, will heal nothing. we can't progress forward by pretending our lived experience in the world and with other people has no merit, especially because we tend to be predisposed towards pattern recognition!

a lot of us endure a continual experience in society of being judged and rejected and disliked merely for existing, so telling us our expectation of that treatment is cruel or irrational is...simply factually incorrect. the burden of that treatment is enough, so telling us that we're responsible for not placing the expectation on other people as well feels like a wholly out of touch neurotypical perspective.

until society as a whole has vastly progressed past the ableism, you can't default on the idea that people with this particular anxiety have no reason to hold it or are unfairly anticipating poor treatment. that onus should not be on us. it's unfortunate for those of us seeking healing, but truly, truly, we cannot "break the cycle" until the system of abuse itself is dismantled, and that's a wider social scale than our individual experiences.

if every single neurodivergent person today was magically able to set aside the anxiety of secretly being hated by those we cared about, it would fix nothing, because significant amounts of us would in fact be hated and mistreated, even by loved ones. ableism is the root evil here, not our manifested trauma. if you find that burdensome, if you feel offended or hurt or angry that a ND person anticipates annoyance or dislike or mistreatment from you, then you should take that and redirect it back towards society, the one that reinforced that response.

expecting ND people to set aside history, trauma, pattern recognition, and the overall personal results of ableism, just so that YOU don't have to experience those secondhand facets of said ableism, and then branding that as "healing," is one of the biggest loads of bullshit I've ever had to witness.

if you actually are the good person who cares about the ND people in your life you seem to think everyone is, prove the expectations wrong. because the social power imbalances mean the burden of that should be on you, not us. if we let our guards down to protect your feelings, that is a vulnerability that can and will be used to exploit us, and we are already vulnerable and exploited enough as it is.

and true healing is going to come from experiencing actual love and acceptance, not from us scolding ourselves over conditioned trauma responses and self protective tendencies.