#autism is one hell of a drug

[fayewoodss]

I so desperately need to get a life.

[emilydickinsonsghost]

Being a Starkid fan is wild, because I have distinct memories of being in middle school and staying up all night waiting for the premiere of A Very Potter Sequel in 2010 and then bingewatching it all night (and then torturing my entire family with constant references and renditions the next day when we had to get up early to catch a flight).

And now it’s 2024 and I’m in my late 20s and they’re still releasing absolutely amazing musicals and I can use my adult money to buy online tickets before they premiere on YouTube.

Like, they’ve been making amazing musicals for half as long as I’ve been alive and it’s been one of my major special interests for all this time. Idk that’s just kind of awesome to me right now.

Not to be a hipster or anything but I remember being really excited when Darren Criss got cast on Glee and now he’s been on Broadway and has won an Emmy.

[lmanburgseulogy]

something something ship of theseus

reference ❤️

[goldiipond]

SKYE WIN: PAPER MARIOS 100% GOLDEN SHINY PAPER MARIO

[baalzebufo]

my weird al-ecdote of the day is that I was sat in a cafe and beat it was playing on the radio and i didnt realize at first. so all I could think during the guitar solo was 'wow this sounds JUST hit weird al song eat it! i cant believe the radio here would be playing that??' then it hit me. oh. this is the actual song

anyway i literally forgot about the concept of parody for a minute i just lived in a world where those two songs were coincidentally VERY similar for no other reason

[gay-jesus-probably]

I figured I was having a mostly okay day, just a bit tired and had some really unpleasant sensory experiences, but nbd. Then I decided to lie down for a minute, pulled my weighted blanket over me, and INSTANTLY felt myself relax and it's like... oh my god, I've been extremely stressed literally All Day, I just never realized that was the reason for me feeling inexplicably shitty. I'm an idiot.

[lornacrane]

the things I have watched and/or am planning to watch for Leigh and Ewen is insane btw. like there’s places Angus has gone I won’t follow, but the only thing I won’t watch the entirety of for Leigh is the Bye Bye Man, and I uh. haven’t come across anything yet I wouldn’t watch for Ewen lol. Leigh is easier bc he’s acted in so little tbf but like…………

[olli-online]

sunday nights really do change ur life because i didnt even know aew was a thing a week ago

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

If your running out of SCU-related things to keep yourself indulged, I'd be more than willing to keep the headcanon train a-rollin'! For example, headcanon that Tails rebuilt the plane, half in case they need to travel without the use of rings and half because he thought it was cool, and named it the Tornado after Robotnik creating the Death Egg Robot because it was brought him and Knuckles to their new family.

THATS REALLY COOL

[arisveah]

every time my life works like an abled persons, i feel like such a fraud bro. like, who am i to complain about loose joints when all my shit is in? who am i to complain about face blindness when everyone in the room has a different haircut? what am i doing, calling myself autistic- i just got that social cue perfectly fine! who cares if this is all after a good nights sleep and well thought out planning for the rest of the day with the help of the people in the room, all who are aware of my difficulties differentiating faces and eachothers haircuts? am i not having problems with my joints or my blood pressure because im wearing compression socks and sitting down? irrelevant.

[peachyyjellie]

have i recently mentioned how pokemon has ruined my life because WOWW.

[thedive]

need to redo my blog to fit my current four main interests……..

[intothedysphoria]

Steve would have been very happy with the amount of attention that Billy Hargrove was paying to him if he had a single fucking clue what Hargrove’s game was.

He was old news. A has been. Really the only reason Steve got invited anywhere was out of some communal nostalgia senior year seemed to spark for times gone by.

Still, he took what he could get. And what he could get seemed to be Hargrove lingering over his shoulders in corridors, hands firm and warm on the nape of his neck. Whispering things to him that could be playful threats or propositions in equal measure.

Steve wondered where the line of teasing stopped and overt gayness began with the way Hargrove treated him.

It was probably nothing, even if it set Steve’s skin ablaze. It had been nothing with Jonathan. The Hargrove situation hadn’t shown signs of being any different.

Sometimes they’d share a single pack of Marlboros in freezing, soaking wet town enclaves. Steve watching the way Billy’s chest moved under his Queens of the Stone Age t shirt, the spark of the burning cigarette between his lips, the way his blond curly hair stuck to a neck tattoo Steve couldn’t quite make out.

He was pretty quiet one on one. Evidently well read, judging by the hardback copy of Wuthering Heights he lugged around in his bag every day. Sarcastic Pretentious as all hell. So beautiful it was hard to directly look at him. Like the statues which overlooked his grandmother’s orthodox Ukrainian church.

They made stupid bets sometimes, influenced by something from Munson’s endless supply of drugs. That was how Steve ended up with a lip piercing, stupid as it looked. Hargrove still insisted he looked “hot as fuck” though. Which was nice of him.

That was how he found out about Neil. A bet. Scaling to the top of the Mayors house or spill your guts. Billy had been looking strong until the telltale sirens of Hawkins Police became audible in the distance. Then he ran. Police could never find him. The consequences would be life threatening.

Steve couldn’t imagine his dad doing anything more than clipping him around the ear if he got in trouble with the police. Certainly not anything involving a belt. Not his dad who’d struggled through English at the dinner table so that Steve wouldn’t be the one kid speaking Polish at kindergarten.

A mutual understanding blossomed after that but Steve was still no clearer to figuring Billy out. Steve was now very aware that Billy was gay and all the girls he brought home was a sham but the way Billy would treat him in public didn’t seem worth potentially outing himself to Neil, all over some dumb joke rivalry. He’d started painting Billy, hoping that a flurry of artistic passion would burn through this crush. Unfortunately, there was no such luck.

Steve’s therapist told him he needed to communicate, as if that was so fucking easy. The guy who needed a therapist to articulate the feelings his autism regularly obscured or muddled up would totally be able to declare his undying affections to a very confusing 18 year old.

The paintings started to outnumber the amount of available wall or floor Steve had by graduation, which Steve scraped by thanks to several disability specialists. He watched Legally Blonde every day for a week and considered becoming a monk.

Instead, Scoops Ahoy was dumped into his lap and he got to spend his days scooping fucking ice cream, instead of living the life of a tragic and aesthetic tumblr blog, like he’d briefly dreamed at 14. Every girl he tried to flirt with told him that he looked like a “demon twink” and Billy insisted on parading around in his red lifeguard shorts and sunglasses in the mall, generally being the bane of Steve’s existence.

They still talked occasionally, despite Billy’s filled to the brim social and academic life. Billy was either frustrated or depressed most of the time, tattoos now completely covering his arms and chest with an equal amount of piercings, which Steve did not stare at in the slightest.

And he was getting out. He was finally taking himself and his car (possibly Max too if the situation called for it) and going back to California. Back home. Steve smiled for him, even though it felt painfully fake considering his own sad excuse for a future.

Neil ran in July. Some old criminal charges from the late 80s had caught up to him and now he was in either Alabama or Texas depending on who you believed. Billy was absolutely jubilant, came out publicly only a week later and quickly intensified his plans to move, now that he knew his sister was safe.

Steve found himself wondering if he’d find some boy in California. Someone who was perfect but also ordinary and could keep up with Billy’s rapidly moving brain. He hoped they’d be very happy together.

Billy asking him to join threw Steve through a minor curveball. This was because A) everything needed to be planned in Steve’s head and he really struggled with spontaneity and B) he wasn’t much feeling like third wheeling when they got to California.

Steve told him this and Billy stared at him like he’d grown a second and third head. He lapped the Camaro twice before sitting back on the hood next to Steve and asking why in the hell he thought Billy was asking.

Steve weakly responded with “because we’re bros?”

And Billy rolled his eyes so hard Steve briefly thought they might fall out of his skull and kissed him. Which was unexpected. But also incredibly sexy. Then Billy broke away and asked if that was answer enough.

Yeah, that seemed sufficient.

Steve was going to California.

And those paintings were never going to see the light of day.

For @bigdumbbambieyes tysm for being wonderful

[plant-acts]

More LU College Theater AU as Things My Friends Have Said

(Also, this AU now has a name! It is "The Biggest Little Theatre" AU)

--

Hyrule: The cast meeting today is an intervention for Legend to stop eating Tic Tacs.

Legend (shoving a handful of Tic Tacs into his mouth): Huh?

-

Wind (Telling a story): So, as you can imagine, shit hits the fan like a dozen different times... simultaneously.

-

Twilight: How many sugar plates did you break!?!?

Wild (surrounded by broken sugar glass): ...a number between one and all of them.

-

Spirit: Autism is a hell of a drug.

-

Time: What is a waifu?

Warriors (chokes on his drink): WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT!?

-

Sky (Talking to a fly): I'm going to turn you into a Walk if you don't stop buzzing around.

-

Red: Can I taste the fog juice?

Blue: Please don't.

Red: (Tastes the fog juice anyway): It's sickly sweet. I kinda like it.

--

(P.S, It's been a while but my ask box is open if you want to know more about this AU! I also take writing requests!)

[letsatomicbanana]

Have any headcanons about my boy Ink sans??

Oh boy, i sure do!

It's yapping time!!! but it's bellow the 'read more'

(spoilers: It's long as hell)

-First of all, Ink can not stand normal texturized clothing and textures (like cotton, fur, silk etc...) which is the reason to why their clothes are always created by him and is used a more paint-like 'esque' to it. (which is canon).

- Case in point, he suffers from 'unable to have normal fashion tastes' disease. He's the type of motherfucker to wear baggy pants under a dress, sandles with socks on, a crop top over a long sleeved shirt etc... They does not care nor follows society's fashion sense/brands, he only gives a damn if the clothes are comfortable or not lmao.

- Genderqueer, no explanation for that one (c'mon, just look at them) also AroAce but that's already canon.

- He definetly has a whole collection of autographs of random sanses that he managed to get. (The obvious one is fell sans but he prob forgot to who the other's belongs to).

- Besides from being able to speak french, they can also speak fluent mandarin and japanese!

- Has a whole collection of random objects he found while travelling AU's. It's not anything particulary useful or collectible (like toys etc..) more so 'things he found interesting' (like that one chesse from the ruins)

- Since he has a canon hyperfixation on Underfell, i like to image that he defends the AU with his whole tiny body, empty mind and non-existent soul (he can't STAND uf slander, it makes his blood boil lmao). Also, they treats fell sans like you would treat your favourite fictional babygirl male character as.

- Definetly engaged in the consumption of illicit drugs at some point in his life, you cannot tell me that this curious asshole never had any interest in drugs, even if it's just recreational consumption. Very open to any options, but they has a thing for marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine (it makes him ADHD go bonkers).

- Now that i've mentioned it. He has ADHD-C (combined type), probably got diagnosed because he saw a random 'Does your child have ADHD' pamphlets hanging around in the wall of some random AU they visited, which made him to be deeply curious (he thought they didn't had it) and eventually diagnosed with it. Note! He's currently unmedicated (i think he would have a problematic history with medications, if i'm going to be honest). (him having adhd is kindaaaa canon??? semi-canon at least)

- Also has undiagnosed Autism and ASPD (sociopathy) in which he has no idea that he has lmao (i made a whole post about this too). Note but i'm killing anyone who says that Ink is evil due to being 'sociopatic'.

- Doesn't engaje in social gatherings of any kind unless extremly necessary, he's energetic but an introvert at heart (this is canon btw).

- Has a better conection to inanimate objects than people, oh! and he's also Objectum!

- They're an ISTP! Which stands for 'Introvert', 'Observant', 'Thinking' and 'Prospective'.

- A lot of times deeply wonders to his apparent lack of family and AU, he won't admit but he's feels a sense of envy for other sanses that have brothers. They also often wanders through the vast multiverse looking for his original family/AU, but he can never find it :(

- Extremly sensitivite to any topics of discussion/conversation that relates to his soullessness, he also cannot stand being called 'emotionless' or a 'tragedy' because of his condition. Has a tendency in de'humanizing' himself over his lack of soul.

- Since he has a very hard time understanding social interaction, they often uses their interest in art as a way to form attachments with people, like painting them outfits or portraits (insert the 'Im bad at people, but i am good at tech' entrapta quote). Art is his special interest!

- He's a very dedicated brony and their favourite pony is Derpy Hooves/ Ditzy Doo!! She's literally him, for real! If he was part of the fandom at it's peak popularity in 2012-2014, they would prob be those famous fandom artist/musicians!

- Reast in piece Ink sans you would've loved Dungeons and Dragons. (/ref)

- Besides from their obvious interest in drawing/painting, he also has a deep interest in music! He canonically can play the flute but he also enjoys playing the trumpet, the piccolo and the clarinet!

- They're generally extremly under-responsive or otherwise sensory seeking to any kind of sensory stimuli. He's also a very oral artistic and often chew/bites on stuff for stimulation. Can often fall into Nonsuicidal self-injury style of stimming such as picking or pulling,when overwhelmed/underwhelmed.

- Another headcanon that he has PICA, where he often eats/craves for things that are not food, like crayons (canon).

[igotthebees]

The five scariest words I could say according to my peers: "I'm going off my antipsychotics" aka a Disability Pride Rant about conditional autonomy

It's disability pride month and so I want to take some time to talk about concepts that I see rampant in both abled/neurotypical/whatever you want to call it spaces and in disability spaces as well, which I have jokingly summarized before as "Good Mentally ill/Disabled People Can Have Autonomy, and the Bad Ones Cannot".

More (a lot more) under the cut

I can guess what you're thinking by now. "There are no bad disabled people Nix!!!" I entirely agree. But in mental health and neurodivergent spaces especially I find that there is a lot of internalized and externalized hatred towards people with stereotypically "severe" symptoms, and in so many cases I've found myself caught in a West Side Story-esque battle between the Depressed and Anxious vs the Manic and Psychotic (which is frustrating because we should be friends or lovers! why is my PTSD and trauma history dismissed when I admit that it causes psychosis as well, why are my friends treated better as a whole when they go in for help for depressive episodes than for manic episodes?)

Sidebar, someone is inevitably going to stop reading at this point and scream at me how they've been treated horribly for their very severe depression and I am not only discounting their experience, I am making up an oppression scale, or using stereotypes, or even fabricating that because I am psychotic and dissociative I am better than them or have suffered more. That's really not the intention? I am simply looking at things from the perspective of my own extensive psychiatric hospitalization history, and from perspectives friends have told me. You can absolutely have depression and/or anxiety and suffer more severely than someone with psychosis - but the way the system treats the two of you is going to be severely different. No one escapes the psychiatric system unscathed, but I've been hospitalized three times, one time labeled as traumatized and depressive, another as having BPD, and yet another as an official schizophrenic and they were three very different forms of hell despite minimal symptom changes.

As one girl in a partial hospitalization program said to my face without a hint of understanding of how fucked up it was: "There are two kinds of psych hospitals. There's the ones for us who just want to get better - and there's the place they put the schizophrenics".

Where does autonomy come into this essay that is getting very long very quickly? I've been experiencing episodes of psychosis since I was 17 years old, diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 21, and finally undiagnosed with schizophrenia and rediagnosed with autism and severe PTSD with episodes of psychosis at the age of 24. I have been on 8 different types of antipsychotics in 3 years. Three days ago I stopped taking my antipsychotics entirely after nearly 6 months of slowly tapering off them and under heavy observation.

And it's scaring the shit out of people.

I am not a walking time bomb, compared to what people think. The last time I had any sort of delusion or hallucination was nearly a year and a half ago, (and it was while still on heavy-duty sedatives! Medicine isn't always a magic fix, even when it does make things better). But even if I was actively hallucinating this very second, shouldn't what medicine I take be my own choice, especially since I have been cleared multiple times as not a danger to myself or others and am being closely medically followed in case that changes? (not that I personally believe that drugging someone is appropriate even when they are reactive but let's start with mad liberation 101) How come it was so easy to talk to my doctors about going off some of my anxiety medication and lowering my antidepressants but the minute I said I didn't want to be on antipsychotics the word "insight" was thrown out?

Just a warning: the concept of "insight" sucks. Yeah, okay, a large portion of people treated in hospitals for delusions or mania aren't aware of how severe or disruptive their own symptoms are. I've even experienced that before during an episode - I was having pretty significant speech symptoms and didn't realize until someone sat me down that I was acting any different than typical. (someone's going to inevitably bring up double-bookkeeping and my response is that's genuinely a real thing and helpful to talk about but it's not everyone's experience and I really wish that in normalizing it the experiences of people with severe reality distortion weren't erased or said to be an exaggeration).

Anyways - insight as a concept has been abused to hell and back to take away people's autonomy and further situations of severe abuse. When I came forward about my childhood abuse I was gaslit and coerced into telling a doctor that my previous accounts were a delusion and false memories (which aren't even an evidence-backed phenomenon but I digress) and was promptly diagnosed with the aforementioned schizophrenia.

Even other people diagnosed with psychosis have come to me and expressed horror that I am getting off my medication. I can't have a single bad or frantic day without having to do a checklist of if I'm returning to an episode, either because another person suggests it or because it's been engrained so heavily in my head that I'm a ticking time bomb and I know I will lose all my rights again in an instant if I exhibit certain symptoms publically.

Where is this going? Who knows lol, I guess my point is that this July think about how you treat autonomy even in the "crazy of the crazy" or the "ugly disabilities". Think about what you would fight and scream and cry about if it ever happened to you or your friends due to a diagnosis, and then ask yourself if you're just as mad when it happens to the psychotic and schizospec and bipolar communities; when it happens to people with intellectual disability or cognitive disability; people with complex diagnoses and physical disability too; the visibly disabled and facial difference/limb difference community; people with sensory disabilities - even people with your same disorder but higher support needs. Let's not pit ourselves against each other - I'm not magically a better or more deserving person for being crazy and medically complicated, sure, yeah, got it... but I'm also definitely not less deserving of respect because I've got diagnoses that make a lot of people (including other marginalized people) uncomfortable.

And I have to, of course, discuss for a second before I finally shut up and stare at a wall how every single thing I said is colored by my experience as a white psychotic and that being a person of color (particularly black) makes the things I've talked about significantly worse - schizophrenia actually is treated the way it is in society because it was used as a diagnosis in the 1960s in America to call leaders of the Civil Rights movement delusional and dangerous (in the 1920s and 30s when it was really popularized as its own disorder outside of the schizophrenia and/or autism diagnosis of dementia praecox, schizophrenia evolved into a disorder given to white women who said inappropriate things or couldn't take care of the house correctly or wouldn't marry, thought of as silly and delusional but harmless and needing help... which is also fucked up and politically motivated and fuck that, but the disorder was actually changed significantly when it was primarily used to target black men to include sections about violence and dangerousness that weren't included when it targeted white women. The cultural view of schizophrenia as a violent disorder that persists even today is due to racism).

(Required reading for every single person alive who can handle psychological and or/racial theory but especially those going into the medical field is "The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disorder" by Jonathan Metzel, probably the greatest and most eye-opening book I have ever read, ironically enough I don't have it anymore because I gave it to another person to read in residential and he then stole it and got kicked out of the program)