#attraction to what genders? all.
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ace-and-the-rpg-horrors · 1 month ago
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if you ever feel stupid please remember that there's people out there who think that there's "queerbaiting" in DEAD BOY DETECTIVES
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prolibytherium · 6 days ago
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Just in general I think trying to look to pre-late modern period history for validation of LGBT+ identities is an absolutely useless venture. Every single underlying human experience defined through the lens and framework of LGBT identity has always existed, but it's impossible to pin down Exactly who and what a figure might have been if they existed in this contemporary context and decided to self identify via these labels.
It's also a wildly reductive lens that flattens the complexity and variety of how sex and gender has been constructed across time in different cultures, how sexual norms have varied, etc. This is not a constructive approach to learn about history and you're never going to be able to fit historical figures neatly into little identity categories.
#I think people really really really need to get it through their heads that LGBT+ identities exist largely as an interaction with#mostly western gender norms and VERY specifically in our contemporary context and these labels do not objectively describe#innate underlying qualities neatly applicable to and distinctly separated in all contexts#Like there have always been men attracted to/who have sex with the people defined as men in their culture but that description#is not Always going to neatly match up to how you conceptualize 'being gay'#Or like. WRT the 'I will sodomize and facefuck you' poem. I saw people just absolutely WILDLY missing the point of it#at its face value of a man describing engaging in sex acts with other men and it's like. the message here is 'you are accusing me#of effeminacy and I am rhetorically threatening to exert my masculine dominance over you via penetrative rape to show you#who the real effeminate man is'. Like most people clearly at least got the message that it's intended to be insulting but like#it's not just that. It is straight up Normative Roman Masculinity (albeit notably aggro) and is not implying actual interest in sex#with men in a recognizably 'gay' sense#See also most arguments over 'was this '''woman who disguised herself as a man''' a trans man/lesbian/cishet woman escaping misogyny'#like YOU WILL NEVER FUCKING KNOW. JUST REFER TO THIS PERSON HOW THEY WANTED TO BE REFERRED TO AND STOP ARGUING#I think there's a very understandable drive to look to history to say 'see? we've always been here' but the mistake is trying to do that#for SPECIFIC identities defined in HIGHLY SPECIFIC AND CLEARLY SEPARATED ways.#Rather than as proof that yeah the western cis/heteronormative conceptualization of what sexuality/gender is and should be has#never been right and people who diverge from this (and from other cultural gender/sexual norms) have always existed
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forcedhesitation · 1 year ago
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huge ew at all the people who erase the bisexuality of the bg3 companions. they aren't "playersexual," they aren't "gay coded" or "lesbian coded," there are MANY instances of them expressing romantic and/or sexual interest in other characters of varying genders. and not just your tav. it's not a suggestion, it's part of who they are no matter who your tav is.
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whump-polls · 1 month ago
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(what gender do you prefer for a whumpee, not just generally in whump)
i know that this is simplified and doesn't include all possible combinations of preference and attraction, you can't explore a lot of nuance in this format but this is probably the most complex i can get within the poll options, feel free to pick other/nuance and elaborate in the tags or discuss in comments/reblogs!
e.g if you prefer female characters in whump and arent attracted to anyone (not women or anyone else) or multiple genders excluding women, pick the 4th option if you prefer female characters and are attracted to multiple genders including women, pick the 3rd
(of course male/female characters also include trans characters)
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serpentface · 3 months ago
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What does Jazaiti social structure look like, irt mothers? Or like, what role do they play
Some things to be clear on beforehand:
Child: a young Jazait is considered functionally genderless and occupies this age-gender group until puberty. A child is classified as a man when testes descend (though occupies a secondary ‘young man’ space until full completion of puberty). A child becomes a woman at completion of baseline female puberty (having a fully developed mane and having undergone a growth spurt). Man: gender assignment for adult individuals with a penis and testes. They will be wed to mothers. Woman: gender assignment for adult individuals with vaginas who do NOT have active estrus cycles. Most will remain women throughout their lives and be unwed, some will become mothers. Mother: gender assignment for individuals with vaginas who DO have active estrus cycles (considered a mother regardless of if they have actually had children or not). A woman can become a mother and all mothers were once women, but these are distinct and separate gender roles. Elder mother: not a specific gender role- a post-fertile mother who no longer has an active estrus cycle. Clanmother: not a specific gender role- the current eldest mother in any given clan, who acts as its leader.
In typical elowey development, sexually mature males + nonreproductive females are minimally dimorphic, and sexual traits apart from genitalia are usually indistinct. Average size and build is approximately the same, females tend to have larger cuspids. The most strongly dimorphic feature is in scent, with most adult males and females having distinct smells.
Reproductive females on the other hand are more strongly dimorphic- there is typically an additional growth spurt and gain of body fat/muscle, voices deepen, manes grow longer and thicker, nipples grow longer and some breast tissue is accumulated (though not as much as humans, elowey only have fully developed breasts during lactation). Their scent is also distinct from males and nonreproductive females.
All elowey undergo puberty that results in an individual becoming sexually mature and physiologically capable of reproduction, but the estrus/ovulation cycles of females are hormonally suppressed by proximity of a reproductive female. A female’s estrus cycle will initiate on its own with time in the absence of a reproductive female, and will be directly initiated through sexual activity. Non-reproductive females will typically have a sex drive equivalent to a reproductive female when not in estrus- sex may be desirable in being physically pleasurable or as an act of affection, but baseline libido levels are low. Hormonal suppression cannot completely preclude the initiation of estrus (though will typically cause it to be irregular) and would be supplemented by behavioral suppression (the socially dominant reproductive female preventing others from mating) in pre-behaviorally modern ancestors. Instinct towards behavioral suppression often translates into social control of female sexual activity in elowey cultures, but this is not universal.
(^^The baseline physiology described here is universal to elowey, not just Jazait)
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Jazait culture is mother-matriarchal, in which mothers are socially and politically dominant to men and women. All women have the potential to become mothers, but most never will, and only inherit the dominant social status upon this occurring. Being a mother is reckoned as a blessed, elevated state and one that is purely natural to occupy positions of strength and leadership, with related men and women being better suited for supporting roles and exacting her will.
Mothers have greater religious status in society and are deemed to be beings made in the sun-mother's image, who is the creator god in Jazaiti religious belief (accompanied by one other (non-creator) god, the moon-father(s), understood as one and three beings and her husband(s)). Their fertility is reckoned as being a gift from the sun-mother. This blessing extends beyond procreation and allows for mothers to work through the sun-mother to encourage needed growth and new life (in fish stocks, livestock, agriculture and forage, singing down the rains, etc). Jazaiti religion (and culture itself) is heavily decentralized, and a clanmother will be the spiritual leader of any given family group and will impart accumulated religious knowledge of generations onto her descendants.
The use of scent glands has strong applications in Jazait culture, particularly in the case of a clanmother. A clanmother will undergo a yearly ceremony in which she journeys around the limits of her clan's land and applies wrist gland secretions along the way, enforcing a protective ring that dissuades the entrance of evil spirits and forms a metaphysical boundary, a sense of 'here' and 'there'. She will also mark the faces of newborn children as means of fully initiating and accepting them into the clan. In any case where a person, place, or thing needs spiritual enforcement as belonging to a clan, this task falls to the clanmother. Any mother's scent is regarded as having properties of blessing, particularly in association with fertility.
A mother's status will generally be passed onto her eldest daughter upon completing rites of initiation, who will be wed and move out of her mothers household (thus eliminating hormonal suppression and allowing for sexual contact to more rapidly initiate estrus). The clanmother has the ultimate say in whether other daughters can become mothers, and will make this decision on a variety of factors- reading the will of the sun-mother, their own opinion on the daughter's suitability for the role, political strategy and necessity (or lack thereof) for additional marriages with another clan, and material concerns of territory and sustenance (a clan can only sustain so many families, with only the wealthiest and most powerful clans having many mothers therein).
This society has a clan system wherein the eldest mother (usually past reproductive age) has the primary and final say in the affairs of her clan. Her husbands will be considered clanfathers and have an elevated rank among other men in the clan. Clans follow a rank hierarchy of clanmother > mothers > clanfathers > husbands > women and unwed men > children.
The number of men is highly disproportionate to the number of mothers, and as such most marriages are polyandrous. One’s number of husbands is usually directly proportionate to one’s wealth, both in indicating access to resources to sustain a large family, and in practical measure, as a dowry is paid to the mother of each male spouse. Husbands will be absorbed into their wife’s clan (though this establishes ties and responsibilities with his former clan), and kinship is matrilineal and makes no distinction between children of different husbands.
A child’s biological father will often be circumstantially known, but this direct relation is not of great importance as each husband is considered a father to all associated children. Due to potential ambiguity in fatherhood and purely matrilineal descent, extramaritial affairs are not of substantial consequence and resulting children will not be considered bastards, but this this is generally frowned upon as lowly and undignified behavior.
Clans are typically very large and spread widely with clan-affiliated families occupying vast territories. Different mothers in the same clan do not directly interact on a regular basis and typically only assemble for festivities and rites, or to discuss matters of utmost importance in person. They will instead use their husbands as messengers (often one husband ends up specifically designated as a messenger, which is a loosely esteemed status as this will often indicate the greatest trust and affection).
The Jazait have no specified warrior culture (this doesn’t mean conflict is nonexistant, just that there is no strongly developed traditions surrounding it). Most women and men will have learned basic self defense and will know how to handle a spear or knife, and will fill roles of warriors in times of conflict. Mothers tend to be protected from directly engaging in combat, and will act as commanders and mediators in all but the most dire of circumstances. Mothers entering combat is a common narrative motif in Jazait storytelling and folklore, used to demonstrate the profound gravity of a conflict.
All members of a family/clan participate in childcare, with married men and mothers being the primary childrearers and the most involved in the domestic sphere and near the home (producing textiles, cooking, farm labor, etc). Women perform the majority of non-domestic labor (in traditional subsistence, this will be fishing, leviathan hunting, foraging, and some herding). This is not itself a gendered role and is partially just pragmatism- most women will go their entire lives without becoming mothers (and will thus be unmarried), while most men will be married, so there’s a greater proportion of women available for tasks away from the home.
The sexual behavior of men and especially women is strongly controlled. Men are expected to solely engage in potentially reproductive behavior with mothers, and women are expected to engage in no sexual behavior with men whatsoever (unless in the context of becoming mothers, as dictated and approved by their own). A woman who becomes pregnant without her mother's consent will technically become a mother (as this act will have been in the context of the estrus cycle self-initiating via sexual contact, and the resulting physical changes will occur), but this is deeply shameful and the theft of a great gift, and will typically result in her exile from the clan, and she and her children being clanless (conceptually close to ‘bastard’ status). This status is effectively permanent and may be socially and materially devastating, depriving the mother and child from their support network and the core unit of Jazait society. The only potential salvation occurs if the father’s clanmother makes the decision to accept the clanless child (and sometimes mother) into her own clan.
Clanless Jazait often form their own communities as means for mutual support, or may be strongly driven to turn to finding work amid other peoples as means of supporting themselves and their children. A significant proportion of Jazait who participate in Imperial Wardi society are clanless, and most established Jazait diasporic communities are at least partly Wardinized- no communities at large are fully assimilated into Wardi culture, but most participate in Wardi-esque marriage patterns as a means of sustaining their communities in this different cultural/subsistence context, and many have adopted syncretic Jazaiti-Wardi faith systems.
There is no direct stigma towards homosexual behavior, though it will be seen as more natural between women (having no other sexual outlets) than between men. While homosexual behavior itself is unstigmatized, men and mothers are fully expected to play reproductive roles in a marriage, and women tasked with becoming mothers (which will involve sexual activity with a man via their first husband) have little say in the matter.
The conceptualization of gender is a strict trinary, with no specified roles that divergence from the man - woman - mother construction. The status of intersex people depends on their variation- many intersex traits will go unnoticed or interpreted as infertility (especially due to minimal sexual dimorphism between males and non-reproductive females), and others tend to be interpreted as negative physical abnormalities.
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benveydraws · 1 year ago
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i can't love you in this skin
#twittering birds never fly#saezuru tori wa habatakanai#suggestive#<- jic#interpret this as you will#there's A Lot about gender and yashiro's relationship with gender and heteronormativity especially in relation to doumeki#he asks him what type of Women he likes. they only watch m/f stuff together. “i wonder if he's gentle with women”.#the anger and disappointment when he realizes that doumeki is actually attracted to him#unless he's remembering something that happened he only fantasises about doumeki with a woman and not with himself#(same was with kageyama iirc)#except for that kiss in the elevator but that's a whole other conversation. and even then there was a woman present#he even tells kamiya that doumeki is basically straight and he's just a rare exception#yashiro's is so so desperate to push doumeki towards a “normal” life#aka not in yakuza. not with him. in a normal (straight) relationship#just. a lot of self hatred and internalized homophobia#all that being said. i think regardless of the author's intent reading yashiro as a closeted trans person is also valid#the “i could never afford myself to reflect on this and i also don't care enough about living to even bother atp” type of closet#would it contradict some of the things yashiro says? sure. but he contradicts himself all the time#am i projecting as someone who will live and die in the closet? sure#i think it's interesting that the only person who genuinely asks him about gender is ryuzaki#in the same conversation where he asks him about falling in love#and yashiro's response is basically “it wouldn't change much” and “i'm fine with what i have”. are you tho#there's a lot i can say about yashiro and aoi and yashiro and ryuzaki's girlfriend but i can't articulate it well rn so whatever#the way dumeki's lie about dating a woman affects yashiro is also interesting regardless of which interpretation you go with#which is also why i'm using post time-skip for the art. the topic keeps popping up#but yeah uh. take it as you will i just have a lot of feelings about. This#art tag
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weird-an · 1 year ago
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“I hate you” Harringrove? I’m so gay.
Detention.
With Billy Hargrove.
Steve wants to scream and it's all Hargrove's fault. Because they tackled each other too hard and too often during practice. Because Billy shouted "plant your feet, Harrington" and Steve lost it for once and yelled "I'll fuck you over next time".
Did anyone ever get detention playing basketball? A week before their last game ever? Before school is over in only a few weeks? This a new low for Steve.
Worse even, it's Friday and the whole school is deserted already, so now he sits in a stuffy classroom next to Billy.
"I'll be back in an hour," Coach says, grabbing his mug of coffee that vaguely smells like liquor. "You two will come up with a list of reasons why team play is important."
Once the door closes behind him, Steve groans. "You have to be kidding me. A list?"
"I can think of a lot of reasons why team play is important, but we aren't a fucking team," Billy snaps. "I should write an essay about Harrington's Inability To Stand His Ground."
"Maybe you should add a guide on how to use every possible foul in one half time." Steve rolls his eyes.
Billy stands up and comes closer. A wild look in his eyes.
"It's not my fault that you don't plant your fucking feet."
"Bodycheckin' isn't allowed. It's basketball," Steve yells, getting up as well. "You should fucking behave."
Billy's face turns red from anger. "Don't talk to me like that."
"Like what?" Steve steps forward, pushes two fingers against Billy's chest. Of course he's wearing his shirt unbuttoned. Steve wonders why he's bothering with a shirt at all. Always showing off his stupid, admittedly nice, pecs.
"Like I'm a child."
"You're a fucking brat," Steve huffs. Billy's flush turns crimson. It makes Steve get a very dangerous idea.
"I hate you," Billy growls. "Stop talking to me like that. I should punch you in your -"
Steve manages to shut Billy up. For the first time ever. With his mouth pressed against Billy's. Shoving his tongue in his mouth and yanking his mullet.
Billy gasps and Steve uses his surprise to bite his bottom lip. Billy's breath gets ragged and Steve kisses his neck, sucks on the tender skin underneath his collarbone. Enjoys Billy shivering from his touch.
Steve bites into the soft flesh just a bit above Billy's belly button. Billy moans. His eyes are closed and he aches his neck. He looks almost peaceful like that. Steve wants to see him like that more often.
He pulls down Billy's pants. Kneads Billy's firm ass that the whole school keeps staring at. But only Steve gets to touch.
"I can take it," Billy grunts, leaning a little over the desk so that Steve can reach him better.
"Well, aren't you a team player?" Steve laughs. He spits on his fingers and pushes two into Billy's hole.
"More. Faster." Billy's voice is hoarse.
"Nope," Steve says, scissoring his fingers apart, in very slow, lazy movements. "Behave."
Billy shudders, but bites his lips. Keeps himself from moving even though his cock twitches with every push of Steve's fingers.
Steve pulls his fingers out. "You ready?"
"Of course," Billy growls.
Steve presses his cock against Billy's hole. He's big and the spit can't be enough. But he sinks in slowly, until he's completely buried inside Billy who groans and clutches the desk like his legs can't carry him anymore.
"You're fucking huge," Billy gasps.
Steve moves his hips forward, grabs Billy's thighs and thrusts hard.
Billy comes, crying out and without Steve touching his dick. Shooting come all over his abs. After one thrust. It's the hottest thing Steve has ever seen.
"Fuck," he breathes. "Has nobody ever fucked you before?"
"Not in In- Indiana," Billy slurs.
The thought makes Steve dizzy. Nobody he knows has ever touched Billy. Only Steve himself.
It's fast, it's hurried, it's messy. Steve loves every second. He pulls Billy's blond curls again and he whimpers. He fucks him harder and faster, Billy's overstimulated mewls a symphony in his ears.
Maybe it's not even Billy's tight ass, moans or toned body. Maybe it's the thought that only he fucks Billy Hargrove, that Billy Hargroves behaves, that Billy Hargrove comes within seconds, because Steve wants him to.
Steve's orgasm hits him right in the moment of realization and he pulls Billy's hair again, listening to the sweet sounds he has never thought he'd hear from Billy of all people.
"We still need to write that list," Billy says, putting his jeans back on. He buttons his shirt until a bright red bite mark is hidden underneath.
Steve reaches out for Billy's shirt and opens a few buttons again, so it's fully on display.
"I think I did my work already here."
He presses his fingers against the mark. Billy groans, a bit breathless.
"I hate you." It doesn't sound sincere.
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gorespawn · 5 months ago
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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melonnade · 10 months ago
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the new pjo tv series has got me thinking about pjo again,,,, augh I want to make another OC now
imagine a child of tyche whose whole thing is just video gaming. like, they’re just unnaturally lucky. the rare 0.01% drops that people spend hours grinding to get? they find them first try. playing genshin and trying to wish on a particular banner? yep, first try. they’re doing a minecraft speedrun and dig down and immediately find a stronghold.
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mantisgodsdomain · 16 days ago
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Now that we are being followed by people, we need to make some thoughts and opinions clear so that people are not later Shocked And Disgusted or whatever by thoughts we have held for many years. We think it's weird and also bad to treat queer people like they're a different species from cishet people, and we think that treating things like Having A Sexuality makes a character better than if they have a different sexuality is bad no matter what way you put it.
We also think that, if in your setting queer folks are widely accepted and straight isn't a "default", it may be worth noting that, say, a straight woman might need just as much self-discovery to work out she's straight that a lesbian does nowadays. In the same manner that, in Ace Attorney, Larry Butz needs to tell Phoenix that no matter how many photos of handsome men he shows him, he's tried, he's just not attracted to men,
#we speak#this is only half shitpost the other half is “we think the way fandom can treat straight people like another species is bad actually”#this also goes for cis characters btw#if asking whats in your pants is bad for queer people it is Also bad for nonqueers! no one is obligated to that information!#in a world where all genders and sexualities are equal someone being straight is just as much a notable trait as them being bisexual#which should ideally be of similar note to like. any other piece of personal identity junk#labels are a mode of self definition and not like. a signal that any given thing is better#like we do very much think that acting like a character being straight is like a Terrible Thing That Mangles Them#is on the same level as like. the people who insist that tracer overwatch was Totally Ruined by being a lesbian#does who theyre attracted to really matter that much? are you really that obsessed with a characters gender?#do you really have that burning of a need to know whats in a characters pants? this mindset is bizarre to us from both sides#literally every character we've ever written could be cishet and youd never know. because it doesnt matter.#your identity is none of our business and our identity should be none of your business as well#and that fact means nothing because just as there is no fundamental difference between man and woman#there is no fundamental difference between a man who transitioned and a man who did not#we made all this shit up. we promise you it is not the end of the world if someone doesnt make sense to you. do whatever you want forever.
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pageofheartdj · 12 days ago
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You know it's annoying how people accept gender being a complex thing. How the way you identify and the way you present are not the same. How complicated and fluid your gender can be.
And then turn around and deny ALL of it for sexuality. That sexuality is binary and strict.
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mirakurutaimu · 1 year ago
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no one word is gonna encompass everyone’s experiences. quit freakin out about meaningless labels u dumbasses
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freebooter4ever · 4 months ago
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good morning on a scale from 1 to getting propo*sitioned for a thr*eesome again how bi do you feel today?
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jacquiarno · 2 months ago
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It’s Bisexuality Visibility Month (also Suicide Awareness Month), and the biphobia has been constant and intense, even in our own bi spaces, mostly from fellow LGBTQIA+ people.
Bi women have been told they are tainted for being with men, that we are dirty and dick obsessed. We’ve been told we are perverted fetishists by both cis and trans lesbians, with even gay men joining in on the insults, with one even threatening violence towards bi women if they come near lesbians. We even got told we deserve to be abused, raped, and murdered by our male partners because that’s what we deserve for dating men.
Bi men are being accused again for being HIV carriers, with gay men saying they are only good for sex because they will end up leaving them for women. One trans man said he would kill himself if a man started dating a woman after him, not leave him for one but just start dating again and that person being a woman.
I haven’t seen insults directly about non-binary bisexuals, but I’m sure there would be and a lot of hate lumps us all together. All this hates stings me but I can’t imagine the pain of all this for non-binary, trans women, and trans men dealing with it all, and it makes me so disappointed and angry that fellow trans people in this community are hurting them.
Pride Month a lesbian wrote “I wish god would eradicate all the bisexuals” while another wrote “For Pride Month let all the bi people disappear” with both having thousands of likes and comments agreeing. Now during Bi Visibility Month, a non-binary lesbian with feminist in their profile posted “Happy bi visibility month, I hope they find a cure soon 💖”. While continuing to mock us after.
Our allies and so-called LGBTQIA+ advocates have been silent and have even participated in bierasure, laughing at us when we point it out, saying “It’s not that serious.” “Lol the bis are getting upset over nothing again”. Only the bisexual advocates and pages have spoken out against the hate.
The B in LGBTQIA+ is suppose to be for bisexual but this community says and treats us as awfully as the bigots do to all of us. Bisexual is the sexuality that is attracted to two or more genders, that we have the ability to love anyone regardless of their gender. But we’re treated as greedy, perverted, hyper sexual, unfaithful, which from bigots you understand and usually brush off, but from those within the community who go through similar prejudice and should understand, sharing the same ignorant mindset.
These spaces are suppose to be our safe havens as well, but are just as dangerous. We try making our own spaces and even that is invaded by these people, we are beyond exhausted. We need the other members of the community that aren’t biphobic to speak out more and shut these people and this hate down. Because the lack of empathy from this community is frightening and all this in-fighting will allow the bigots to pick us a part more easily.
#i’ve been struggling mentally since pride month because of all the hate#i had to unfollow a lot of lgbtqia creators due to them ignoring or participating in it#i even had to unfollow most lgbtqia pages because of the comments#i’ve been sticking to bi pages and tags but it’s full of biphobia#i’m a sa survivor being told by the community that is suppose to be the most understanding and supporting that i deserved what happened#why do i deserve to be abused and die because i have an attraction that isnt limited by gender#the trauma from that relationship has left me disabled#i thought i found a community that was safe for someone like me#but the biggest deception is that us bi people are a part of lgbtqia#them and the bigots could settle their differences with their combined hatred for bi people#but i’m the one that is the danger and doesn’t belong#i spent my youth hiding my attraction to women during the 90s and early 2000s due how that time was#and now this community is making me feel ashamed again#my mental health was doing okay until i opened myself up to this community#i regret coming out#i wish i went ahead with killing myself in 2012 like i planned#bi visibility month#bisexual visibility month#bisexual#lgbtqia#tw: biphobia#our rights are being striped away again but sure bisexuals are the problem#i have too much unfinished business to end my life#i was harassed through out school being accused of being a lesbian and was assaulted by one of those girls#pulled down to the ground by my hair and kicked non stop in the ribs until someone pulled her off#even my gender came into question when that show there's something about miriam came out#telling me i don't belong in queer spaces when i've been assumed queer almost my whole fucking life and before most of you were born
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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fitzrove · 21 days ago
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The situation I posted about is mostly funny but I do think it makes me feel alienated from some people (largely certain women because it's my main reference group) dkkdld. Like oh you guys truly have never had to contemplate your gender/enforced gender norms/gendered choices and gendered benefits/punishments, you truly think that all of your choices and actions are simply personal and not societally steered and socially rewarded/punished 😅 like y'all are comfortable with your conformity to an extent where you don't even notice how little freedom there is sometimes dkkdksks
#i also have complicated feelings because i don't believe in abolishing gender or anything :/ but like dkskldkd#is there a word for when you're a cis woman but you're viscerally uncomfortable with certain expected social roles and gender performances#its not gender nonconforming i conform in a lot of if not most ways. but i'm uncomfortable a lot skkssk#i think its also a special kind of uncomfortable when you know you're not trans (nonbinary or otherwise). like huh there really is no way#out of the force fem panopticon that everyone pretends is normal and even feminist JSKDKDKDK#and especially with the recent 'internalised misogyny' discourse where you have to bootlick choice feminism JSKSKDK#(= trip over yourself validating people for conforming to gendered expectations and telling them its ok for women to be feminine etc shit)#i wish i could just dress the way i want and look the way i do and be a woman but everyone just decides to give me all of the privileges#and prioritisations that are societally afforded to straight cis men of an otherwise similar position to me in society#but that i'd still be a girl and people would refer to me as such jdkdld. just without the misogyny#also i hate makeup and 'feminine grooming' and rituals related to appearance/expectations of participating in those. and policing#what an acceptable female body looks like and medicalising anything out of the norm#(i've ranted abt this before but if i was born 20ish years earlier i would have been given GROWTH STUNTING PILLS. TO MAKE SURE I STAY SHORT#AND CAN STILL GET CISHET MARRIED TO A MAN. as you know women's main purpose is to look attractive to a husband. if youre tall youre an uggo#sorry this all makes me so mad dkkdkdkd#thank god i have more bodily autonomy than i would have had earlier but 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 things are still depressing in so many ways#i think i should just have been lesbian crown prince rudolf
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