#at this point i'm not even sure if i'm going to write anything about them

[corpseontheloose]

A whisker away II ── .✦

Pairing: Nam-gyu x f!reader

Summary: you and Nam-gyu are basically the parents of the stray cats <\3

A/N: I love soft Nam-gyu :'((( this is part two of this!!! Also Y/N and Nam-gyu aren't dating, they're just going out and taking things slow, but they do like each other and they know both know that. Like I said, they just want to take things slow :3

Warnings: mentions of drugs, cigarettes

At this point Nam-gyu knew how much the music from the club was distracting half of your class during lessons

You told him, obviously. It was kind of funny to explain how your classmates groan almost all the time because of that

He found it funny, too, of course. But he also wanted to make sure you're able to concentrate during your studies

You assured him that you're doing just fine with your headphones and the notes from the board, so he didn't have to worry too much

Although you were pretty moody whenever you didn't have your headphones on and had to listen to, not only the teacher, but also whatever singer the club brought this time

Whenever the club was increasing the volume of the speakers, Nam-gyu couldn't help but think about you

He made sure the cats were okay during those times when you were still in class, knowing you were almost done with the lessons and coming straight to them. And him.

As soon as you finished, you packed your stuff and made your way out of the building, not before grabbing leftover granola bars from the cafeteria.

He liked those. You knew that; you took notes on that.

And you liked him. So naturally, you always made sure to bring him some. You'd even save yours throughout the evening in case the cafeteria didn't have any left, so you could give him that instead. If they did have leftovers, you'd grab one more just to munch along with Nam-gyu

Most of the time he'd wait outside for you, already on the ground, playing with the cats. Other times he'd kick open the door and close it in a rush before apologizing for being late (he was late for just 2 min max 💔💔)

You'd chuckle and brush the hair away from his face, assuring him that it was okay and that you just got there anyways

Today he was there, though. He sat with the kittens and scolded some of them for playfully fighting against each other until you popped right from the corner

"Heyy! Sorry for running a bit late; traffic was crazy. I almost got run over by a car," you giggled, letting the bag slip from your shoulder.

You picked up the kibble sack from inside it, earning desperate meows from the familiar rustling sound the sack made.

"That's all good; I actually got out of there earlier just to breathe for a bit. Anything to escape from the boss for a little while," he joked, picking up one of the bowls and holding it up so you could pour the kibbles

Nam-gyu helped you out with the other few bowls before you let the furry friends eat in peace

You sat down on the concrete next to him, searching in your bag loudly for the granola bars. The pens would crash against each other, making soft sounds until you pulled out the two snacks, handing one to him

"How was class today?" he asks, tearing the packaging and taking a bite of his bar

"I don't even know what word I'm looking for. It was... apathetic."

He listened to your complaints and frustrations attentively, scoffing at some of the things that didn't sound right to him either

"You can't just announce a project last minute, especially for the final semester. It takes at least three days to write a decent document. Maybe I had plans for the weekend; who knows? Either way, I think that's just stupid."

Nam-gyu nods, agreeing with you. Although he never went to college, the situation seemed frustrating, and he could tell how much it affected you based on how aggressively you munched on the granola bar.

"I don't even—I don't even know what to do. It's extremely frustrating, and I'm already in a time crunch. And I do have plans tomorrow; I can't miss that."

"What plans do you have tomorrow?" he asked curiously, snapping his head at you. You simply sighed, moving your head to the side for a moment.

"I... signed up for volunteering. They already reviewed my form; they want to meet me tomorrow."

Nam-gyu's eyes grew big at the news, his lips curling into a genuine smile.

"That's cool! And also, very... you," he added, nodding while chuckling slightly. "What are you volunteering for exactly?"

You simply nodded towards the cats in front of you before returning your gaze back to him

"feeding the animals around the city. Not just cats, dogs too."

Nam-gyu's heart was basically doing flips in his chest. Why were you so sweet godSHHHHH it was TOO TOOTH-ROTTING FOR HIM

"Figured. I wouldn't imagine you pick anything else," he smiles, shoving the granola bar's packaging in his pocket

Ever since you two started going out, Nam-gyu has restrained himself from smoking weed next to you. Or do drugs, for that matter.

You'd still see him high; he just wouldn't do the whole process with you anywhere near him.

So he only limited himself to cigarettes, knowing you'd also take a drag or two.

It's the least he could do for putting you in such tight spots whenever he came to your apartment after work, high as hell, in the middle of an extra study session. He'd usually fall asleep on the couch, standing on his butt with an arm around your waist as you held your head on his chest and your eyes on your notebooks.

He promised he'd try to get better, but he couldn't do it. Not yet. And you accepted that, somehow

Everyone had their vices.

"If I start volunteering on the weekends, I'm going to need a favor, though," you say, slowly turning your head to him and smirking widely

He looked at you with a grin and a raised eyebrow before rolling his eyes.

"Would you spare two minutes of your life to feed the buddies in here if I'm not able to make it?"

Nam-gyu scoffed in amusement, avoiding your eyes and looking everywhere else but your face

"What am I? Is the cat security not enough? Now I have to become a personal chef for them, too?"

"Oh, come on, Nam-gyu. You can have the kibble sack wherever your bags go during your shift, and if you run out, you can just give me a text, and I'll go buy some more and bring them to you."

You pleaded, fake-pouting while placing your head on his arm, which was hooked around his knees

He didn't answer the first time, making you take his attention with something else

You bit him. Softly. But you still bit him.

"Ouch, you crazy lady!" You chuckled, placing your chin back on his arm, looking up at him

He looked at you so lovingly before rolling his eyes, "Fine! Fine. I'll feed your damn cats. But this doesn't come on my paycheck!"

"No, you're right. It doesn't," you started, looking at the ground. "It comes on every time you disturb my studying hours, though."

"At least now I know how to pay for that instead of just apologizing like a maniac," he mumbled as you kicked him in the arm

It went well for a few days. You started haunting the streets, feeding every creature you found until you needed to head to class and right back home, sleeping your ass off

Whenever you had time, you'd actually text Nam-gyu to come to the front doors of the club just to see him shortly before you go home and sink yourself in your bed

Most of the time he'd be right outside after you texted him; sometimes he'd reply with 'Can't right now. Go rest. The cats are fed ❤️'

It was truly heartwarming, and it made you happy knowing he was putting in the effort to help you.

It also made you happy knowing you were helping hundreds of other hungry bellies and that you were provided with (almost) unlimited kibble from the volunteering program. They even let you get some to supply Nam-gyu whenever he ran out for his cats.

Did I say 'his' cats? Nah, it wasn't a misspelling.

They became clingier over him now that you weren't around as often as before.

At first it was a bit weird for him, but with time, he just softened around them.

He'd proudly call himself 'cat dad' whenever he crashed onto your couch like he always did, telling you about his night at work and how the cats are doing.

You'd laugh at his words, teasing him about his new role. He just looked offended. "I'll have you know cats ADORE me. You're just jealous."

You were making plans together on how to change up their place for a bit, since winter was right around the corner and you didn't want them to get cold.

He'd give you silly ideas most of the time, since the only time you got to be together was when he came to your place, high, and held you against his chest on your couch.

Some of them were useful, though. You made a list and decided on a day to not attend class just to be able to put together a safer space for your and his cats.

He'd also call the same day off just to help you.

AWWWWWWW

[bambiihee]

FROM UTOPIA AND BACK ˒˒ 이희승 〔 TEASER 〕

♫ listen to the playlist here!

pairing。 » lee heeseung x fem!reader 𓄵feat。 the rest of enhypen, giselle and winter from aespa, lia and ryujin from itzy, yunjin from lsfm, named oc boyfriend

genre。angst, smut, porn with plot, unhappy ending

warnings。» explicit language and sexual content, drug use, mentions of marijuana and prescription pills, dealer!heeseung, good girl!reader, college au, fraternities and sororities, ex fwbs to ???, corruption kink, vaginal fingering, squirting, dirty talk, praise kink, cheating/infidelity, piv, unprotected sex, facefucking, facials, meanie!heeseung, semi-public sex, more tags to be added. everything is terrible and everyone sucks. current word count。9k (final wc ~ 25-30k)

teaser word count。1.3k

bambii's note。» now that i'm officially a third of the way through this fic, I wanted to share a little teaser of what's to come!! this fic is literally my fucking baby and I really hope you guys are as excited about reading this as i am writing it. let me know if you want to be tagged for when it releases! I'm not making any solid promises due to my event and the other fics I'm working on, but I'm really hoping to be done with this thing by mid to late august. I'm not comfortable setting an official release date until I'm much closer to the finish line.

If you were sober, you would be in full blown panic mode, but the weed is making it difficult to really care. It wasn’t as if you were missing some big test or anything, and Heeseung skipped class all of the time and no one ever batted an eye… and maybe, just maybe, you didn’t want this moment to end. You and Heeseung together in his car like nothing had ever happened between you, like everything was just as it was when you thought you had his heart. 

“This is what I mean when I say you think too much.” Heeseung shakes his head and lights thankfully not another joint but a cigarette. “Nobody cares if you don’t show up to a class or two. Just tell them you were sick or something if they’re really that nosy. Besides, we’re the only people on this side of the parking lot right now. It’s not like somebody’s going to see you.”

“I don’t know, Hee…”

“Come on, stay with me a little longer. Just until you’re sober. I missed you.” and there he goes again, with his big, sparkly Bambi eyes, gazing down at you like he needs your permission to breathe. You hate him, hate how manipulative he is and how good he is at it. You hate how confident you were that you could beat him at his own game, yet here you are, falling for the same old tricks like you never learned your lesson. 

“I haven’t missed you.” you mutter petulantly. It doesn’t sound believable even to your own ears. 

Heeseung grins like it was a compliment. “Oh, yeah? Jinyoung keeping you satisfied?”

He spreads his legs wider, to the point it’s almost obscene. You swallow hard and avert your eyes from his very inviting lap. Memories of being perched on that lap tug at you like unraveling threads, slowly breaking you down; grinding up against him in this very backseat, moaning into each other's hot mouths, sliding your hands along his built thighs when you got on your knees for him, only because the touch made him shudder. How easily he made you feel like you never had before, cocky and laidback and effortless as if he wasn’t even trying. How he would talk you through it, the words branded into your brain, ringing in your ears when you’re touching yourself at night. You’ve made yourself cum to the memory of what “good girl” sounded like coming from his lips. 

“He is keeping me satisfied, actually.” you insist. Somehow, you sound even less believable than you did before. “I’ve been getting out of my shell more now that we’re together; he keeps me from rotting away in my bedroom every day.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause Friday night you looked fucking miserable.” Heeseung cocks his head, eyes glittering with mirth. “Anyway, that’s not the kind of satisfied I’m talking about.”

You stiffen, a rising heat flushing your neck and cheeks. “Heeseung.” you warn him, though it sounds more like a desperate plea. 

“I’m just asking. Is it wrong to be curious?” he croons, grin widening. It’s not hard to imagine the pitchfork and the horns, red and twisted and hiding underneath his equally red hair. “He must be fucking you right if you’re defending him this much.” 

“I’m not having this fucking conversation with you, Lee.” you wish you had more control over your voice, like Heeseung did. You wish you didn’t sound so cornered and weak. 

“Does he make you feel good? Better than me?” Heeseung leans in and his thick, musky cologne invades your senses, clouds your mind worse than the weed. The familiar, enticing scent works through you as if you were one of Pavolv’s dogs, notes of wood and amber with a hint of marijuana and cigarette smoke, so unmistakingly Heeseung that it makes your thighs clench. It reminds you of nights you used to spend with him, twisted together on his mattress, wearing his clothes like he and you were something more than… you weren’t even friends. Confidants, maybe. Business partners. Two strangers in a deal; you wanted his drugs and he wanted your body. 

He still wants your body. He tells you as much with his arms caging you against the headrest, heavy on top of you and staring you down like a predator. His sultry gaze sets your skin on fire, the heat settling deep in your gut. “Does he fuck you every night like I did? Does he make you squirt as easily as I can? Does he eat your pussy the way you like?”

You whimper and squirm underneath him, unable to meet his eyes. It’s agonizing just how easily he can turn you on, your belly fluttering with hot, sticky arousal from hardly anything at all. “You’re disgusting.” you spit at him, though you don’t sound nearly as angry as you would like. It’s just what Heeseung was hoping you would say.

He beams. “Oh fuck, he doesn’t, does he? Parades you around like a trophy but can’t even please you right— do you put up with it for the stability? Fake moaning in his ear so he feels like a man?”

You shake your head violently, too overwhelmed to speak.

“Can he even make you cum?”

You don’t stop shaking your head. 

Heeseung laughs, a sharp, startling bark directly in your face. He forces you to look up at him with his fingers gripped tight around your chin, his calloused fingertips digging into the fat of your cheeks. There’s a fire burning in his eyes, hungry and dangerous, all consuming with how the burning heat of his gaze overtakes your body. “I knew it. I’ve been listening to girls complain about how bad of a lay he was for years. Bet he talked big game, too. How long have you been having to finish yourself off after he falls asleep? Are your fingers even enough anymore or did you get some toys? Do you still think of me when you’re fucking yourself? Wishing it was me between those thighs?” 

“Heeseung, stop.” you plead with him again, but you make no move to stop him when his hand comes to rest heavy on your inner thigh. 

“Now that’s disgusting. It’s fucking criminal, having you like that and not ruining you.” he continues, warm breath tickling your ear and nose. The smell of ash on his lips tempts you for a taste. “You’re so fucking pretty when you’re falling apart. Used to make you cum until you couldn’t anymore, remember baby? Poor, smart girl all stressed out and needing me to fuck her stupid. ‘Til your sweet little head’s all empty and your pussy’s shaped like me. Fuck, that’s why you’re really here, isn’t it? You’re all pent up, seeking any kind of release— it’s not really my weed you want, baby. You need me to make you cum.” 

His hand slides higher, underneath your skirt and your sweater, pinky finger ghosting over the gusset of your panties. You want to fight him, push him off and away, but you’re frozen underneath his searing touch. Just the tips of his fingers and the ghost of his lips across your jaw is enough to get your pussy soaking, dampening your panties and making your hips twitch. Heeseung can no doubt feel the wet spot, growing bolder with two of his long thick fingers tracing the outline of your pussy lips. You grab ahold of his hoodie sleeve, clutching desperately to ground yourself and keep from grinding up into his hand. 

“We can’t,” you mewl pathetically, baked brain spinning from how fast your carefully constructed walls are coming down. It’s a shame. You spent months working on them.

Still, even as you deny him, you don’t try to stop him when he cups your hot, throbbing cunt in his palm and presses down, rewarding your gasp with a deceptively chaste kiss to your neck. “Just say it and I’ll give you what you want, princess. Tell me what you need from me.”

[ikamigami]

Reading your take on Spamtom/Tenna (which I found pretty interesting btw) made me kinda curious: Do you think that Spamtom knew about the prophecy during the bigshot era?

Because, in chapter 3, it's pretty clear that Spamtom at least knows about it RIGHT NOW. But when did he learn of it? I've seen alot of mixed theories on it and I think that this tidbit of information/where it fits in their timeline is probably one of THE big components in understanding their relationship and how it ended.

I just think that this interpretation/theory, where Spamtom, despite his many faults, did alot of things out of genuine care for Tenna (and that his love for Tenna was basically THE tipping point in his downfall) gets even more depressing if you consider that Spamtom moght have known that Tenna was going to die and wether or not that might have influenced some of his decisions. And it genuinely seems more like Toby's usual tone of writing compared to some interpretations I've seen (no hate to them obviously. Also not saying that your theory is the only plausible one or anything)

Thank you for your question and I'm happy that you find my ramblings interesting.

Tbh I think that Spamton knew about the prophecy in Big Shot era. I'm not sure if he knew immediately though. It's hard to say when he found out about it. But tbh I doubt that it was during the last phone call. Cause what would Tenna's death change despite that Spamton would lose his love. Tenna would die and Spamton would still be a Big Shot. He'd still have everything.

And why sponsor would need to punish Spamton for being with Tenna if it wasn't for something Spamton would try to do against sponsor's orders. And if Spamton tried to defy fate and save Tenna I think that this could be something that goes against sponsor's plan.

Cause even if what happened to Spamton might have been a part of plan I just think that helping Tenna to prevent his fate wasn't a part of it.

And I think that both Spamton and Tenna wanted to use each other but they fall in love with each other. I think that they at first thought that they're fooling each other but at some point they didn't even see when it became so real.

I think that Spamton really wanted to help Tenna and prevent his fate. I don't have any proof of that actually. I just can't help but to feel that their love was never a part of anything. Like it wasn't a part of the prophecy and it definitely wasn't the part of whatever that sponsor wanted from Spamton. Their love was never meant to be.

I just think that love is important in this story. I just feel like it might be the answer to how the world can be saved.

You know how they say that love defies odds and how it conquers everything.

I also think that love is what would actually give Spamton his freedom. Like yeah he probably know that he's a part of the game considering that he wants to reach heaven which is more than likely our world (you know irl). I just think that love would allow them to be free. Like idk I just think that love is important. Especially considering that it's even in the prophecy. That part with a girl and that love found her.

Like yeah I get it that if it's a part of prophecy how can it change anything. Idk tbh but I think that love requires being honest with yourself and your own feelings. Which is something both Spamton and Tenna weren't. Hence why I think that it was a part of reason to why their relationship fell apart.

Even if they were torn by fate itself if they were honest with their own feelings and knew that they loved each other it wouldn't stop them. They would do anything to find each other. And yet they ended up hating each other.

But I think that seeing how quickly Spamton forgot about any bad feelings he had towards Tenna when he saw that Tenna still has Pippis which was a proof that Tenna still cares they may have another chance. Because I think that their love is real. It was tested but they now have a chance.

Ofc it solely depends on Toby so I wonder if he has more for these two to come in the future. Cause I feel like their story seems quite important. Maybe it's because it seems that Tenna is one of Toby's favourite characters and Spamton seems to have some knowledge about some things or at least he seems to be important due to how he had that thorn ring in Snowgrave route.

And well Spamton's design has a few things in common with Friend - black elements like hair and shirt just like Friend's body (skin or fur or whatever that is) and pink and yellow glasses just like Friend's eyes.

And I really want to see Spamton and Tenna get back together you know please Toby please.

Also about a part about Toby's writing. I don't know much about his works or anything. I'm new to this fandom. I just love theorizing especially about my favourite characters.

Also I think that circumstances of Spamton's life like who he is - a spam mail - and how he was treated by everyone before he met Tenna - Addisons ditched him and they never bothered to look for him and they didn't want to talk about him and later Swatch also turned on Spamton even if they were friends amd he was angry that Spamton stole his looks but never cared to ask what's wrong - all of this made Spamton to look out only for himself making him selfish.

I also can't help but to think that what Spamton had to do in order to become Big wasn't anything fun if what he said during Sweepstakes we can take as truth. But I think that sponsor never cared about Spamton's well-being. Because it wasn't important to whatever sponsor's plan is.

But I think that Spamton wanted something more in his life. And he believed sponsor while I think that the right answer was love. Hence why I think that Spamton actually did care about Tenna. That he actually tried to do something against sponsor's orders.

Hence why I don't think that Spamton is evil. He did many bad things. But I don't think that he's actually that bad like many people seems to think.

I don't know how much inspiration from anime and manga Toby Fox gets for his stories but in anime and manga there are lots of characters like Spamton who at first glance seem to be only bad and selfish but underneath all of this is hurt and loneliness. And such characters upon recieving kindness or love change for the better.

And like I said in one of my posts Spamton reminds me of Ekubo from Mob Psycho 100 in many aspects. Hence why I can't help but to sympathise with Spamton and I believe that he's not that bad and now that Fun Gang helped him he actually changed.

(Yeah I know. And many interpretations are really interesting. I'd die from happiness if my theory (or guess more than anything) will turn out to be correct. But I'm happy that my ramblings resonate with others.)

[dreamerwitches]

Sigh, big sigh, huge sigh

I was so excited to be allowed into the Connect Zine. Until this morning I realised....

They are letting in Iroha/Yachiyo. The ship, romantic.

It pains me so much but I will no longer be contributing to this zine. I'm not going to bash on anyone who WILL. But... I dont think anyone should support this zine. This zine that will support PEDOPHILIA

I stated my concerns and got this response.

"Hello! When MagiReco released, and until 2022, the legal age of adulthood in Japan was at 20 years old, meaning that Yachiyo was considered a minor in the cultural context in which she was written. Her and Iroha in-game are not officially written in any way that exhibits or endorses the problems that is very real for real people who might share their ages, neither do they cause or endorse any of that harm. There are many cases of subtext pertaining to their feelings regarding one another that indeed puts them as one of the main sapphic pairings in the game, and their relationship is as vanilla and non-problematic as it gets when the dynamic and interactions between them are analyzed for who and what they are. We do not feel that it is unreasonable for something as official and safe as them to be a part of this completely SFW zine, especially not when the franchise has a hefty amount of potentially toxic pairings that no one bats an eye at while Iroha and Yachiyo specifically are always the duo that are vilified.

We understand if you are uncomfortable with this and would no longer like to participate in Connect, and that is entirely reasonable. We hope that our stance also makes sense as reasonable even if you disagree. And please keep it mind you may also curate who you interact with here and avoid or block those who are creating for pairs that personally make you uncomfortable if you wish to still participate."

I get this point... but man, doesnt it reek of 'UMMM THE AGE OF CONSENT IN JAPAN IS 13!!!!!' To me, the problem isnt so much set in stone numbers, it's that Iroha is 15 and Yachiyo is 18. Really think about it, in the real world. Think of a 15 year old in middle/secondary school, now imagine them IN LOVE with an 18 year old in high school/college. Yeah it's fucking disgusting right? Or heck, think of when YOU were 15. An age gap like this is just so gross. There is such a power imbalance there.

And the 'that's how the game writes it'. Like, they.... they kinda portray the amane sisters like a ship, heck, iroha and ui too. (and before you say anything, no i hate these, I DONT see these as ships) Cmon dual units are ships. Rika and ren, masara and kokoro (I dont know anything about nayuta and mikage though, so i cant use them as any evidence here). But do them existing mean, oh well I have to support incest, or, well incest is fine if aniplex says so :) (the answer is no.) Japan is gross about shit like this (heck im sure other countries are too), there are published manga of relationships like this. THAT DOES NOT MEAN ITS OKAY

Comparing pedophilia to a problematic ship like say, madoka and devil homura. Come on man... this is a real world problem versus angsty teen fic. One of these is a real issue that hurts minors, one is just for drama.

Saying it's fine because its sfw. Kids can be groomed without sex. They can be mentally manipulated and traumatised without sex. Romantic pedophilia is still pedophilia.

And i know im going to hear ITS FICTION SO ITS FINE, ITS JUST LINES ON PAPER. Fiction affects reality, bitch. People who like stuff like this use fictional material to satiate themselves. What if this makes them feel comfortable with their disgusting interests so much that they want to move on and hurt someone in the real world. Huh? I know one tiny zine in the big ocean of the internet isnt going to make a difference. But we need to squash any tiny instance of this no matter what. Pedophilia will never be okay. EVER

I am very disappointed in all the mods of this zine because this felt like a curated response and they specifically chose to let these two iroha/yachiyo entries in. Very disappointed

[pintobug]

maintenance

dbf!joel miller x female reader

chapter 7: who’s still standing when the smoke clears?

rating: 18+ MDNI

masterlist

summary: first day back at the diner & a flat tire? joel can make it better.

word count: 5.5k

tags: internal conflict, mentions of anxiety/OCD, mild angst?, little bit of fluff, very transitional chapter im sorry lol, age gap, reader is 23, joel is 46.

a/n: got myself back on schedule. have the next few chapter outlined and i’m excited to write them. thank you all for being beyond patient. <3 also- i've tried to make my writing of reader to be as neutral as possible besides the mention of a little bit of hair length. but if theres ever a sentence of time where you guys think i'm possibly too descriptive of the reader, please point it out!!! i literally just think of myself when writing and have found myself mentioning that readers face turns red when embarrassed while that isn't true for all skin tones. so as i've caught it i've tried to change it to things like 'you feel your face warm' instead. if theres anything i'm overlooking please do not shy away from calling me out! the next chapter will be fun you guys i promise

You did not expect your first day back at Riverside Diner to be so fucking horrendous. It started with two people calling out. Not too bad, but that was just the beginning. Frank was ticked off, but he picked up some tables here and there to take some of the pressure off of you and the other servers. You were nearing the end of your shift, beyond thrilled to go home, get clean and settle down. You’re proud of the way you handled it- just being thrown into the pits of hell like you haven’t missed a day. Bill even tossed some french fries in a paper boat your way, his silent way of thanking you.

You pushed through the swinging doors of the kitchen to look for Frank in the dining room. You locked eyes with him immediately and knew something was wrong. His eyebrows were all pinched up, eyes wide enough to see the whites clear as day and that forced a little too wide smile of his. Frank is moving quickly between the aisles of booths and nodding frantically at the new tables. Your shoulders dropped, the lead weight in your chest pulling them down. You have a feeling you won’t be able to leave right now.

“Hey, sugar.” Frank says with pleading eyes and a sickeningly sweet tone.

You inhale deeply and nod your head, knowing exactly what he’s asking for.

“Need me to stay a little longer?” Deep down you hope he says no.

He nods his head.

“Overheard a few of the tables talking about the arena on campus. I guess there's a band playing- I don’t know. But I need hands, hun. I cut Michelle ten minutes ago. It’s just us.” He wears a pained expression on his face while admitting that last part.

You can’t leave him. You exhale while scanning the dining room, the bell on the door indicating that new customers are filing in is relentless. Slowly but surely table after table filled up, then it was the bar stools and no one was able to flip tables quick enough to keep the line out the door under control. Double sat, triple sat and before you know it there's six tables that don’t have drinks yet. You can’t even think about the bar yet.

“Excuse me!”

You can’t even tell which table it’s from.

Your forced smile is fading and tunnel vision sets in. Frank checks in with you here and there by patting his hand on your back while passing by. He’s running around you, weaving through customers trying to lessen the load. Trays of drinks going out quickly. You’re sure you forgot to put syrup on one of the tables but you can’t remember which. Tightness in your chest reminds you to breathe.

“Come on.. Not now.” You mutter to yourself while repeatedly jamming your finger into the service computer.

It locks up and freezes every now and then but you didn’t have the time for it right now. You’re only halfway through putting the damn order in when it seizes up. You close your eyes and bite back a groan. You can hear the kitchen scrambling, Bill barking out dishes, ticket numbers and tables that he’s still waiting for one more thing. Your throat feels tight. You’re wasting time standing here and just waiting for the stupid fucking computer to pick back up. You slam your guest check down onto the counter and make a round of the tables.

“Can I have a refill?”

You have to double back to grab the cup which wasn’t even empty. It sloshed as you gripped it up and spilled onto your forearm. You cursed under your breath and quickly turned away. Before you dropped that drink off another table stopped you.

“Hi, how much longer for our food?”

Words to the tune of: ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ are bubbling at the back of your throat. You bite them back and force a toothy grin.

“I’ll check.” You feign kindness.

Quickly you drop off the refill and practically run into the kitchen and past the swinging doors. The first thing you notice is the constant mechanical whirr of the ticket printer spitting out the papers non stop. Bill keeps this a well oiled machine but even now there's tickets hanging from the printer that haven’t been looked at yet, bodies darting from station to station- plating, wiping, topping and serving it through the pass. Bill whistles to you and gestures to the plates he set on a large serving tray.

“Booth ten.” He says, scrapping the ticket and piercing it on the pin.

You grab the large tray mindlessly and head back out into the dining room.

Ten. Ten. Booth ten. Ten.

You’re bobbing through people standing in the walkways, your ‘excuse me’s falling on deaf ears.

“Can I have another straw?” “I think I ordered…” “Are there more napkins?” “…An extra side of bacon.”

You don’t even know which direction the voices are coming from at this point. Somehow you make it there in one piece and don’t even remember setting the food down.

“Can we have syrup?” “And some more napkins.” “If you have any hot sauce, we’d love it if you could bring some out!”

Fuck, you knew you forgot the syrup. By the time you grab the bottle you forget what table even asked for it. You chewed nervously on your lower lip while almost jogging up and down the rows of tables before finally- no syrup in this booth. You set it down, apologize and scurry back to the kitchen before they have the chance to get a word in.

The computer. Holy shit you forgot about the fucking computer. You still didn’t finish putting that order in. You try to now show your pure panic on your face while making your way back to the system. You whine quietly, bouncing on your feet impatiently as you wait for the screen to wake up. It takes a few seconds longer than usual but it’s up. All the air leaves your lungs in a long exhale. Quickly, you enter the order that was forgotten about. Double check it and send it.

You’re running on fumes. Your hands are sticky from syrup and drinks splashed up your arms and your apron is covered in crumbs and smeared whipped cream. Your sweat is sticking to your temples and you’re sure you’ve sweat off half your makeup. There's an ache in the soles of your feet and your lower back and your palms and your bladder- you really need to fucking pee.

The bar. How could you forget about the bar? You quickly make your way behind it and check in with each and every customer sitting there. You turn around and refill, turn again and set it back down. You’re grabbing ketchup, cream, sugars, tabasco, syrup, butter squares, silverware and anything else you could think of- they’re asking for it. The sweat is visible running down your temples, beading under your eyes and the top of your lip.

It goes on for so long. So, so long. Frank trying to keep up with tables, Bill trying to keep up with the kitchen and you trying to keep up with survival right now. But there is a turning point. A light at the end of the tunnel where you’re printing more checks than you’re creating. The bell on the front door no longer signals patrons coming in, but going out. You’re actually able to clean a table off here and there.

It ends. Eventually. You don’t know how it ends but it fucking ends. Hours later. Hours after you were supposed to be home and in bed. When the last customer exits Frank quickly locks the door behind them and takes a moment to lean against the door.

“Holy shit.” Is all he says.

You finally get to pee before starting the break down. Your head is buzzing while clearing tables, thoughts on loop of how exhausted you are and how gross all of these tables are.

“Don’t do any silverware. Just.. We just need to get this place looking like a bomb didn’t go off, hun.” He speaks slowly, clearly exhausted while beginning to sweep the floors. You just finished cleaning the last table when Frank lets you go. He shushes you when you tell him you can still help but he thanks you and pulls you into a hug before sending you on your way.

You made it to your car twenty minutes ago but you just couldn’t muster up the courage to start it. The center of your steering wheel is at the focus of your stare the entire time. Grateful doesn’t even begin to explain your feelings towards sleeping in a little more earlier today. You didn’t have enough time to walk, so you took your car. If you had to walk home after all of that you might have lost it.

Empty. Drained. Fatigued.

All accurate words to describe you right now.

In time you manage to start the car then slowly pull out of the spot and start heading home. You turned into the street and stopped at the red light once you reached it. Sighing, you peered over to your phone that's sitting in the passenger seat. There's a few texts from Ellie. That’s it. You’ll see her soon so you don’t need to answer her right now. There's a soft pull in your chest. You were hoping to see a text from Joel, if you were honest with yourself. Something to pick you up after the shit show you encountered.

The light turns green.

You slowly turn the wheel to the right and let up off of the brake and-

POP! Pfffffffffft.

You jump at the loud noise and slam your foot into the break just as your car slowly begins to tilt. You look around frantically with wide eyes.

“Fuck.” You whispered, peeking out into the street.

You gently pushed your foot into the gas, trying to pull to the side and you heard the crunch of glass under your flattened tire.

“Fuck.” You say again but sharper this time.

You quickly throw the car into park and fling the door open, legs moving quickly while rounding the hood of the car and-

There it is.

The flaccid rubber of the passenger side tire.

You refuse to believe it. Theres absolutely no fucking way you popped a tire after the day you just had. The universe has to be playing some sort of sick joke.

Your mouth hangs open. Flat. Throat is dry. Buzzing fills your ears and tears sting your eyes and your fingers start to numb and your chest is tight and the dizziness starts to creep in and now your face is wet from tears you don’t even have to push out. A broken sob leaves your lips. You pat your hands down your jeans and your pockets are empty. There’s fucking syrup everywhere and the sweet smell on your hands is starting to turn your stomach.

Nauseous. Dirty.

You throw open the passenger door and scramble for your phone with trembling fingers. Everything is blurry through the stinging in your eyes but you find your phone and swipe through it maniacally. You don’t even know what you’re doing all you can feel is lead in your chest and in your stomach and pins and needles in your arms and running down your fingertips and-

“Another late night call?”

The sound of his voice makes you cry harder.

“Woah- What's wrong?” His voice is taught and frantic, that slow sultry drawl now thrown out the window.

You choke out his name.

“Where are you?”

You’re babbling and making no sense. Sore. Your eyes are sore and your throat is sore and your nose starts to run.

“Baby, please tell me where you are?”

You hear keys over the line. You’re rubbing your eyes to regain some sight through tears and running makeup while choking out the closest street sign you can make out and that you think there's a coffee shop behind you. You’re stuttering, every word that passes your lips pulls any lasting energy in your body. Hands are so numb you can’t hold the weight of your phone anymore and it bounces back onto the passenger seat while you sob uncontrollably. Raw and broken and loud.

Crumbling onto the curb, you try to soothe yourself by wrapping your arms around your knees. But you’re sticky. And dirty. Your chest is heaving with breaths ripping through your esophagus. There’s nowhere you can go to wash off and you’re all alone with the walls closing in despite being outside, crying too fucking hard to see your hands right in front of your face.

You don’t know how long you’ve been here. It could be seconds, minutes, or even closer to hours. It’s all melting into one. Continuous sobs while your hands paw at your face in a useless attempt to dry it from tears.

You hear his voice in the distance all muffled and broken up between your sobs. The usual roar of his truck engine is just barely there. A sharp pain in your lungs prevents you from taking a full breath. All the muscles are constricting around your chest. You can’t take a deep breath and your eyes are fluttering while the ringing in your ears takes over everything, deaf to any other sound.

If you thought your throat was raw before, you were sorely mistaken. Every breath hurts. Ripping in and out of your esophagus that's heating up from all the irritation to the point where you’d believe it if you coughed up blood.

Two strong hands settling at your shoulders drags you to a somewhat conscious state. Your face is hot, head throbbing from all of the blood whooshing around. You’re hunched over and shaking. The hands. Strong hands. You feel them gently on your cheeks, tilting your head up. You hear your name over the all familiar crashing waves.

Joel is on the verge of panicking himself. His large hands are enveloping the side of your head that's slick with tears and sweat and who knows what else. His calloused thumbs are swiping at the tears but it’s no use. They keep rolling. Joel catches a glimpse of what should be the whites of your eyes- all red and irritated now with puffy lids. Your lips are swollen and red. He can’t tell what is tears, spit, snot or sweat but he doesn’t care. He just needs to make sure you’re okay.

He’s feverishly scanning your body over and over and over again. No wounds. No injuries. That he can see at least. His stomach turns, nursing his own bout of anxiety but anger bubbles over that as the worst comes to his mind.

Did someone hurt you? Did someone fucking hurt you and leave you here?

He can’t spend time seething over the possibility while you’re hysterical in front of him. He needs to reel you in. He starts by whispering your name but it’s overshadowed by your cries and gasps for breath. He repeats it but can see the disconnect. You’re looking through him right now. Not at him. He’s talking but you’re not hearing.

He does the only thing he thinks he could and pulls you into his chest there on the curb with his knees digging into the asphalt. Joel soothes a hand down your back repeatedly and whispers into your ear. He’s talking aimlessly about anything that comes to mind. But it starts to cut through.

He pulls you from his chest after some time and takes another look at you. This time you’re looking at him. Really looking. Pupils dilated. His heart throbs heavily. Seeing you like this makes him sick but he doesn’t dwell on it. He knows he needs to be a rock for you right now and he wouldn’t want to do anything else. All caution is out the window. Joel doesn’t care if anyone sees him consoling a ‘client’ at this time of night. The word leaves a bad taste in his mouth. You’re no damn client to him, no matter how badly he tries to convince himself.

He thinks about you a lot. He tries to control himself, he swears he really does but it’s to no avail. He tries not to contact you the second he opens his eyes and it’s getting painful. He doesn’t have an easy time trying to process these emotions. Forget explaining them. He’s not good with words despite how well he can talk you through it. Joel likes to think his actions speak for themselves.

They do.

The waves begin to settle and the gravel of his voice takes over.

“Shhh, s’okay sweetheart.”

“Gonna need to try and calm down f’me, now.”

“I’ve gotcha, darlin’.”

Your voice is frail and cracking.

“M-My tire.. I’m dirty.” You sputter out through a coughing fit and quieting sobs.

He can just barely make out what you’re saying through your gasps for breath and coughing.

“Are you hurt? Did somebody hurt you?” His voice is soft and unwavering with fear in his eyes.

“No!” You choke out and sob into his hands that linger at your face.

You don’t mean to raise your voice at him but he doesn’t mind. You bring your hands to cover your face but instead they clamp over his hands that cradle your face. He pulls you closer into him, feeling the sticky syrup grab onto his shirt and frowns. It doesn’t bother him really but he knows it's upsetting you.

“C’mon baby, look at me.” Joel tries to coax you through your heavy breathing but you don’t listen.

Slowly he pulls his hands from your face and finds your eyes again. Joel takes both of your hands in one of his and presses it to his chest. He takes slow, calculated breaths that force his chest to expand and collapse.

“Breathe with me darlin’.” He whispers

You tried to focus on the steady rise and fall of his chest but it was hard. Joel reeled you back in with a squeeze of your hands. You can feel the soft thud behind his chest. Steady and strong. You flatten your one palm there and try to focus. Rise and fall and thud. He’s here and he’s real and you can feel him.

You suck in a slower breath through a tight jaw, attempting to match him. It’s broken and shaking but it’s slower. Joel nods his head encouragingly and continues to exaggerate his slow, deep breaths.

You’re almost matching his pace now, your own heart no longer thumping in the base of your throat. Tears are slowing to a drip down your cheeks.

“Are you hurt?” Joel speaks up eventually.

“No.” Your voice is hoarse.

“Why are you out here all alone, sweetheart?”

“Tire.”

He looks over his shoulder at it and then back to you.

“Did something happen before that?”

“Work.” You have no energy to give anything more than that flat, one worded answer.

You can’t force anymore and Joel knows that, so he doesn’t push. He lets you sit quietly against him for some time.

Eventually Joel taps you and pulls you up with him while holding you steady.

“C’mon with me.” He whispers and walks you over to his truck that's pulled in front of your car.

He keeps his arm wrapped around your shoulders as you walk next to him. Joel lowers the tailgate of his truck and turns to you then picks you up like it’s nothing and sets you onto the edge with your legs dangling off. He stands between your knees with hands at your shoulders, steadying you.

“I’ll be right back.” He mutters and leaves you to dig in the cabin of his truck.

You’re slouched over with the weight of the world on your back and your arms collapsed into your lap. You sniff and rub your wet nose with the back of your arm and let it collapse again. Joel returns shortly with a bottle of water with the cap already removed.

“I always got some in the back seat.” He says casually while gesturing it towards you.

You blink at it a few times then look at Joel before slowly taking the water bottle into your shaky hand and bringing it to your lips. He leans forward to press a kiss to your forehead while you take small sips. Then another. And another. And the last one lingers for a long time. The water hurts going down your throat, still swollen and raw from your cries but it will help.

“You tell me if you need somethin’. M’gonna fix that up for you.” He says while giving your thigh a gentle pat and a squeeze.

You don’t respond or react but look at him with wet and irritated dyes. You watch him walk over to your car and ponder for a moment with his hands at his hips and one knee cocked out. He rifles through your trunk before coming out with the car jack. He slips it under the car and starts cranking it up.

Joel works quietly and doesn’t say anything to you while he’s working but he does look at you maybe every ten seconds just to make sure you’re still there and breathing. Maybe to make sure you’re not going off the deep end again. Joel has noticed small comments over the past few weeks but he has never pressed you on anything you haven’t come outright and told him about. But he makes a note in his head to press you about this. Not right now. Or any time tonight. But he will. Joel doesn’t know if he’s helping you and it makes him feel uneasy. Could he be making this worse for you? His only saving grace is that you’re no longer screaming and crying. He replaces your flat tire with the spare in your trunk in record time.

“Still got it, huh?” He jokes lightly.

It’s exactly what he said after moving your dresser into your room and it makes your heart heavy. You remember how you responded all those weeks ago but you do not have the energy to do it now. It doesn’t look like he minds. Without another word he helps you off of the tailgate and sets you back on your wobbling feet. Joel walks with you around his truck to the passenger side and opens the door for you. You grab onto his shoulder while climbing in.

“Stay here.” He says.

You listen, no desire to move in the slightest. The rumble of your car's engine startles you and you whip your head to the side. Joel slowly rolls your car against the side of the road, lining it up before shutting it off again. Guilt pangs in your stomach. Moments later he returns with your phone, bag and keys. He reaches over you to set them all on the center console and lets his hand rest on your knee.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out.

He tuts quietly and shakes his head. He’s pressed into the side of the car, knees pressed into the running board and arm slung over your thighs. His other hand brushes some hair from your face while he whispers to you.

“Nothin’ to be sorry for, baby. When I told you to call me next time you needed me, I meant that. M’proud of you for rememberin’.”

You open your mouth to blubber out another apology but he cuts you off with a simple kiss. It’s sweet. Gentle and warm against your face that feels like an open wound. You barely return the kiss but not because you don’t want to, you simply don’t have the energy to. He pulls back from the kiss and just stays close. Your eyes bore into his, almost ready to cry again from how sweet and gentle he’s being despite not knowing what the fuck is going on.

“Moved your car into an actual spot so you won’t get a ticket. I’ll take you back here tomorrow morning, alright sweetheart?” He hums.

You slowly nod.

“Can I take you home?”

You nod again before Joel buckles you into the seat and gently closes the door. He rounds the hood of the truck and hops in the driver's seat. His hand makes immediate contact with your knee, heavy and comforting as he drives away. The ride is silent other than Joel triple checking if you’re okay. And to remind you to drink water. A few more squeezes of your knee and you’re sitting outside of your house.

Ellie’s room light is on. Fuck.

“She home?” Joel questions while lowering his head to look at what you’re looking at.

“She is,” You say quietly with eyes lingering on the window. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Joel turns the key and the engine rumbles before stopping. He didn’t question your request.

“Can you wait here? I can sneak you in.” You say while unbuckling your belt.

“Sneak? Why do you have to sneak me in?” He asks with saddled brows.

“You want Ellie to see you bringing me home this late? You didn’t even want the neighbors to see you coming over without a toolbox in your hand.” It sounds more harsh than you mean it.

It makes Joel’s chest tighten but he doesn’t comment because it’s true. He did say something to that effect. He regrets it. But he’d be silly to deny the excitement he gets from sneaking around like a teenage boy again.

“Stay here?” You look over your shoulder at Joel.

“You sure you’re okay to go in by yourself?”

“Just for a second. I’ll be okay.” Your voice keeps its soft, hushed tone.

Joel nods and watches you exit the truck, walk to the front door and disappear.

You sigh the second you enter your house, a comforting and familiar space feels better than the sidewalk at midnight. You hang your bag on the hook and slowly wall up the stairs to Ellie’s room.

“Ellie?” You call out quietly with a hand on her door knob.

Slowly, you push the cracked door open while the door squeaks and you silently curse yourself. No answer. She’s laying on her belly, game controller in hand, slipping off the bed. Face smushed into the comforter she’d sprawled on top of. You blink a few times and shake your head. She had to have fallen asleep in the middle of a game, the monitor still had a game lobby up with quiet music playing on a loop. You sigh quietly and back out of the room, quietly clicking the door shut.

You turn and make your way down the steps again and open the front door. Joel is still sitting in his truck across the street from your house. You wave for him to come in and wait for him to get up to the doorway. You lock the door behind him and gesture him up the steps while ‘shhhhsh’ing him when he takes a step that creaks too loud.

“She’s asleep,” You whisper once the two of you make it into your room. “and I really need to shower. But feel free to make yourself comfortable here.”

You look around your room with Joel in it. It’s surreal.

“Let me come in with you.” He says softly while taking a few steps closer to you.

You don’t speak for a moment, surprised at his comment.

“Come in with me?” You repeat his words back to him.

He chuckles quietly and nods his head.

“Yeah, come in with you.” He repeats again in a lighthearted tone.

So, you shower together. The water was warm enough to create steam that fogged the mirror as it billowed out from behind the curtain. Joel steps in first and makes sure the water feels right before taking your hand and guiding you under the stream. It feels normal. You don’t stop to think about being fully nude in front of him for the first time because he doesn’t make it feel like you should. He’s soft and gentle, no lingering stares anywhere but your face and his hands massaging shampoo into your hair. Joel cradles your head and tilts it under the water to let it wash away the suds then brings you out of the stream to press a soft kiss to your forehead. He’s doing all of the work for you, sudsing the soap between his hands and the washcloth and softly scrubbing it over your arms to get rid of any sticky syrupy patches. You want to stay like this forever.

With his hand, Joel pushes his hair away from his face, now shades darker from the water and slicked back. Brown eyes blinking the water away under heavy lids. A pang of guilt hits you low in your stomach for the second time. You don’t even know what time it was when you called him. He has to be exhausted but here he is in the shower, washing your strawberry scented soap off of your skin.

“Feelin’ alright?” He says just loud enough over the patter of water.

“I’m alright.” You nod your head slowly.

He turns you around a few times in the water making sure there's no more suds latched onto your skin before reaching around and turning the water off. You wrap your arms around your chest and stand there with water rolling down your legs while Joel reaches for one of the towels hanging up. He helps you out and wraps the warm towel around your shoulders. You pull it tighter around yourself while Joel reaches for a second towel and wraps it around his waist. He reaches out and settles a hand on the door knob.

“Wait-” You blurt out and he turns his head back to you, not moving a muscle.

“Let me check and make sure she’s still asleep.” You whisper.

Joel nods and stands to the side. You slowly turn the knob and push the door open, peeking out to confirm that the coast is clear. You open it and gesture Joel out, his arms filled with the clothing the two of you were previously in.

“I’ll be in there in a minute.”

He nods his head and presses a soft kiss to your lips before you watch him disappear into your bedroom. You take a deep breath and sigh while turning to face the mirror hanging on the wall. There's still some stubborn mascara under your eye. You fasten the towel under your arms and start to spot clean with a cotton pad. Moments later you’ve got a clean face, brushed teeth and you’re about to finish detangling your hair when a soft knock rasps at the door. You pause and turn towards it, cracking it open.

You nearly jump out of your skin when you’re greeting with Ellie’s drowsy face. You’re grateful her eyes are barely open because she can’t question the pure shock on your face when you see her.

“Y’got home so late.” She mumbles while rubbing her eyes.

“I know. I promise I’ll fill you in tomorrow but go back to bed. Your eyes aren’t even open, Ellie.”

“Gotta pee.” She says with eyes still squinted.

“Shit, sorry.” You cringe and slip out of the bathroom.

“Goodnight.” Ellie grumbles.

“Night, Ellie.” You whisper while slipping into your bedroom.

You slowly click the door closed and turn around, pressing your back into the door and sighing heavily.

“Looks like you seen a ghost, darlin’.” His low voice breaks the anxiety building in your stomach.

You force a breathy laugh and lift your head to look at him. God, it takes all of the air out of your lungs. His hair is no longer soaked, it’s damp and starting to curl at the ends like it normally does. His tanned torso is exposed with hair littering his chest with a fine line down his soft stomach while it disappears under the band of his boxers. His sweatpants hung so low on his hips you could see said band before the elastic of his pants just under it. That was it. Joel Miller, damp in your bedroom. You couldn’t ask for anything more.

It reminds you of the night of the storm. When he surprised you at your front door, soaked to the bone. The only difference is, this Joel just helped you through a panicked episode without a shred of knowledge of them, washed you off and showered you clean and this Joel helps you get dressed, too. He helps you pull on a shirt over your head and he makes sure none of your hair is caught in the collar of it. He holds out his arm to balance you while you’re slipping on a pair of your shorts. This Joel lays in bed next to you under your comforters with your back pressed firmly into his chest and his strong arm draped over your waist.

You like this Joel, too.

[thats-the-biz-babe]

my final(ish) thoughts on 8x06/confessions/the break up (and tommy's pov):

so obviously my initial reaction when 8x06 aired was to go. okay. this is the most stupid break up of all time. nothing about this makes any sense (*sobs*). this is still true, and i'll say for the most part i just have to put it down to bad writing. but it's canon regardless, so we have no choice but to take what we're given lol. if anything this serves as proof of why arguing about who is really to blame for this whole thing is pointless.

i'm sure this isn't news, but the problem with confessions as an episode overall is that it brings up so many questions and proceeds to answer none of them. i'm not gonna answer them either, because i'd be lying if i said i knew, but i have some ideas so i'm gonna talk about my thoughts on it anyway, including the areas that i think are the biggest offenders for shitty writing.

if this comes across as more sympathetic to tommy's perspective, it's because it's his pov that we're missing the most context for / that i have the most questions about (bc he's not a main character). so that's going to be the focus here, but this isn't intended as a criticism of buck whatsoever. and yeah, a lot of this has definitely already been said, but i wanted to compile my thoughts on everything before we go into season 9. and hopefully we get a reconciliation, even if it is half-arsed and we don't get any resolution or even explanation for their initial conflict (not holding my breath, especially after they tried to retcon the whole thing in 8x11).

i love bucktommy, we know this (i hope?). i think they're perfect together and they love each other and they should get back together and get married and buy a house together yadda yadda yadda. however, one of my biggest criticisms of their story line is we really didn't get to see much of them when they were actually dating. there were a few (super sweet) moments we did get shown on screen, especially in masks (so right before they broke up) but as often is the case with this show, we were left to fill in a lot of gaps. we really don't know what point they were at pre-breakup because after they got together their relationship was more or less neglected on screen. most of it happened during the hiatus, and they can't focus ALL their time on them (this isn't the bucktommy show after all). but any guesses as to what they were like as a couple are just that, guesses. did it feel like it had started to develop into something more serious at that point? or was it still early stages? what pace were they actually going at?

an example of what i mean is at the anniversary dinner, buck was checking out those girls in front of tommy, and when they flirted with him he didn't tell them he was on a date. he looked pretty guilty about it too, but whether or not it was just supposed to be generally over the fact that he was checking them out (hence tommy reassuring him), i don't know. maybe it was because he knew he was supposed to correct them, but he obviously didn't feel comfortable doing it for whatever reason? this isn't entirely relevant, but i always wonder whether it was supposed to be a really clumsy way of reminding the audience that he's bisexual (screaming at you: he still likes women!!! even though he's with a man!!!) i mean it would be better if they just used the fucking word...

anyway, what we also don't know is whether this was a common occurrence, we know buck is out to the people closest to him at this point but how does he act in public around strangers? is he still uncomfortable being seen out with a man? can tommy sense his reluctance / hesitation at holding his hand when they're out together? does buck correct people when they assume him and tommy are friends? he was a lot more openly affectionate at the coffee date, so i like to think that after that he was okay. but realistically, him grabbing tommy's hand to prove to him that he's ready in the moment doesn't actually mean all his discomfort is suddenly gone or that he won't still struggle in the future. who knows.

this part is purely speculation based on what i know about tommy, but i can imagine that not being something he wants to push buck on for fear of making him uncomfortable. so as long as he doesn't go back into first date territory, how much would tommy let slide? the impression i have is that he doesn't see the things he wants and needs to be any where near as much of a priority, especially in a relationship he doesn't think will last. it's all about buck's pace, not making him uncomfortable or pressuring him before he's ready. does tommy ever ask for anything? if that was what they were trying to do, the writers didn't exactly do a convincing job in showing us a relationship that was equally balanced.

this isn't me accusing buck of any of these things, and if it is true i definitely don't think it was intentional on his part. i don't think he was a bad boyfriend, and it was tommy's responsibility as much as his to express how he was feeling and what he wanted (buck isn't a psychic!!). it was an active choice on tommy's part to play the role of the "perfect starter boyfriend" for buck and not put himself into a position where he gets too invested (which didn't work, clearly). but my point is that we have no idea whether things like this were a one off or not. we only really see tommy taking care of buck and not vice versa, but i won't dwell on it too much because at the end of the day buck is the main and they only have so much time on screen with each other.

another example is we also have no idea whether buck has called himself bisexual off screen at this point. not that he is required to label himself, but was the conversation they had at the anniversary dinner the first time they broached the topic of sexuality since they got together? it certainly seems likely that they didn't ever go deep into it before considering what that conversation onscreen entailed. they had takeout the night before, they were obviously spending a lot of time together, so what went wrong? (looking for an answer other than "they spent the whole time fucking" preferably lol)

asking tommy if he had ever been with a woman was weird (they did sort of touch on that during their first date), so did they never talk about dating history again in the six months they were together? tommy never mentioned being engaged before? he didn't seem reluctant to give that info up, he wasn't exactly hiding it, and it seems even stranger that buck never mentioned abby in all that time considering she was so influential to him, especially with the whole buck 1.0 -> 2.0 thing. buck also implies to eddie that he know's tommy's gay in 7x05, but it comes up again at the anniversary date like he doesn't know, and it's a strange thing to not have established already given they're six months in. sure, asking tommy why he wasn't checking out those women doesn't necessarily mean he didn't know that he's fully gay, it was probably just the opening he chose to get to the second question. but it seemed like a strange way to go about it when they could've just had him ask about tommy's past relationships / relationships with women straight up. then again this is tv and people can't just have conversations, they have to be triggered by something else (sigh). there's just so many better ways i can think of to naturally bring up the topic of exes, they do it in 7x04. anyway, buck says in season 7 that he wants to get to know tommy, but it does make you wonder how much they did actually get to know each other once they got the chance.

again, i'm fully aware that a lot of what the episode comes down to is lazy writing because they were just trying to get from point a to point b and the easiest way they found to do that was buck checking out women -> notices tommy isn't -> asks him why -> tommy says he's gay -> buck asks if he's ever been with a woman -> abby reveal -> buck spirals -> josh convo -> break up. you can say "oh but it doesn't matter because the writers clearly didn't think this far and any explanation you come up with won't actually be what they intended". true, but the fact is that that IS what happened canonically, and i feel like if i'm gonna meta any of this show i have to meta all of it, even the parts that don't make sense (and i'm having fun, sue me). if nothing else this stuff is interesting to delve into and fix in fanfic world. and yes... this also isn't exclusive to bucktommy. madney and bathena at the very least have had similar issues. athena didn't even know bobby's mother was still alive until recently after being married to him for years. i'd love to see them stop trying to manufacture cheap drama and do something substantial with the characters (if you need ideas, i'm right here tim) but we all know that's not gonna happen (sigh).

none of what i'm about to say is necessarily true because AGAIN my whole point is we don't know. but suddenly i start becoming far more sympathetic of tommy's position if after six months his boyfriend is still uncomfortable being seen with him in public and has entirely ignored and skipped over thinking about or talking about his sexuality in all that time. at this point it feels like he's avoiding it on purpose, and how can you be with someone who still seems ashamed of who they are with no real attempt to deal with it. despite it seeming that way it could just be that buck doesn't deal with having feelings for people well regardless of gender (which yes, does seem to be true). but you know what it looks like to someone who doesn't know that. and tommy likely sees buck as a super open, honest guy who doesn't normally hide how he's feeling.

again (i'll keep saying it), this comes down to lazy writing, but the whole josh convo and the comments about tommy being cruel was crazy to me because how do you not know this already? he knew michael, who went through something similar. tommy already admitted he used to be a dick back then and regrets his actions, and specifically on the subject of abby said that she deserved better. so the judgement over his past all of a sudden was really strange? obviously when it's someone really close to you it's harder to picture them like that, and even harder to get your head around when you hear the specifics. but does buck not know any queer history? did he not do any research? has he not spoken to josh / hen (still mourning the hen+buck scene we didn't get post coming out) at all about any of this since coming out? this part was clearly put in to hand hold the general audience through a lesson about how it used to be harder to be gay (and sucking ryan murphy's dick about it) but like i said, it's not the first time they've done a comphet storyline, and if they wanted to go back over it again it needed to be done better than that imo (not even getting into the fact that the abbytommy of it all makes no sense). anyway, i'll get back on track, it is what it is. it just makes me come back to the fact that buck seems not to show any interest in engaging in / learning about queer related things. it's a shame because sure, we've seen buck make out with a man on screen, refer to having a boyfriend, imply he sees a future with him etc but there has been no indication that he has started... looking at himself as a queer person ig? i mean since the last update we got on this front which was in 7x05 where he referred to himself as an ally multiple times (which i get, but times have changed). is this the show being scared to commit? a compromise for the homophobes who were upset about bi buck, by letting him date a man but not focusing too much on the "gay thing"?

so getting back to the point, if what we learned in confessions was anything to go by i wonder how much else they didn't talk about? and then buck asked him to move in? i understand why tommy didn't think they were gonna last if they were skipping so many steps. you don't want to start living with someone when you still feel that you aren't able to be honest with each other. you can't avoid bringing up certain subjects with each other and still expect any level of trust between you if you don't want the relationship to collapse very quickly. tommy seemed okay with buck checking out the women at the restaurant. he said it was okay to recognise they were attractive, which i get, but the actual flirting and the lack of a "hey i'm actually on a date with my boyfriend" would personally make me uncomfortable. and in that case i'd wonder if jumping into asking me to move in with him was just him being impulsive and not something he'd actually thought out, or something he was doing for the right reasons. is tommy gonna take that risk and uproot his entire life for someone who makes big decisions on such a whim? like, i don't even think this was just him being insecure, i think there could potentially have been some valid concerns here.

another thing is okay, buck could've said "move in with me" to mean they should move in together generally, but it did kinda sound like he was asking tommy to move into the loft. y'know, his tiny bachelor pad that didn't have walls between the rooms and certainly didn't have a muay thai gym or room for a carlift? this doesn't seem well thought out at all... or like he's properly considering how tommy might feel. not that i think this was something that buck didn't actually want (though how was tommy to know) but even though the sentiment was real the fact is it WASN'T well thought out. it was clearly (to the audience) something he decided as the result of the conversation he'd just had with josh, where he admitted he could see a future with tommy. and again, tommy doesn't know any of that because buck doesn't share his feelings with the only person who really needs to know!!! and whether tommy knows it or not, buck does have a history of making impulsive decisions like that.

it's true, this whole thing could've been a one off and the rest of their relationship could've been perfect. but we can only extrapolate based on what we're shown on screen, and i do think these are questions that are worth asking and that there is room for more nuance here. either way, tommy was still a complete idiot for running rather than saying how he felt, but i don't necessarily (key word) know if him being worried was as out of nowhere as it seemed. that's really gonna be down to however you want to interpret it, because i don't actually think we'll ever get the answers that we want. i don't think this is something the show cares about or has ever properly considered, but i'd love to find out more about tommy's perspective because there are two people involved and only one is a main.

i think the most important take away from this is that the writing of this show is horrendous, so it's probably best not to dwell on it (doesn't take his own advice). this is what happens when you dig too deep into a show that doesn't ask for anywhere near this much attention and makes absolutely no effort to be consistent or logical in it's writing. welp, at the end of the day despite the gaps in what we were shown on screen, the parts that we did see were enough to convince us that they do have amazing chemistry, and that they care for each other so intensely in a way that is really a first for both characters. a perfect fit, with so much potential left to explore. if they get back together, they definitely need to have some big conversations they put off the first time around (not that i expect we'll see any of it), but i don't think it's anything unfixable if they want to make it work. and as it's looking right now, it seems like they both still love each other and want each other back.

what do i want to see going forward? more screen time for the relationship, buck being open about having a boyfriend (yes, in public too), for tommy to continue being as caring as he has been, but maybe to see the reverse of that as well? more conversations, things that show us they do actually know each other and are comfortably being open / aren't hiding things from one another. more casual physical affection, the fact that they're a couple being obvious when they're in public together. i'd love to see them both out together with the 118 too, or just interactions with the rest of the cast in general. am i still holding out to hear the word bisexual on screen? idk. but i'd like to, i think it's important especially after all the weird jokes about abby turning men gay and buck not knowing which pool to jump back into. i want to see the show commit to this thing.

[drunkenskunk]

Oh boy another Drunk Skunk rant!

So I've been on vacation this last week, and I've got another week of vacation ahead of me. You would think that during this time, I would be doing anything productive, like writing one of the dozens of ideas rattling around my head, or trying to draw the comic of that one short story about pre-transition Tuera.

Instead, I have spent most of this time playing:

Because of course I have. I am a weak willed coward and have no defense against The Intrusive Thought.

However: during this time, when I could've been doing anything else more productive, I came to a strange realization. It's one of those things that I'm sure someone has already said, at some point, somewhere... but it's gonna make me feel better if I write them all down anyway.

Mostly because it feels like a convoluted tangle of several thoughts, I want to get them all sorted, and I can't think of a better way to do this than in front of tons of strangers on the internet.

Interestingly, this realization didn't start with WoW, it started with me rewatching that Noah Caldwell-Gervais' Diablo video, again. I've watched this video (and "watched" it in the background) many, many times, because it's really good, but something stood out to me on this particular rewatch.

It was that bit right at the very end of the Diablo 3 section, where he's talking about the boss fight against Malthael in Reaper of Souls:

"At the end of Diablo 3, your character, the Nephalem, is certainly stronger than any angel or demon. Death itself is the final boss, then. It is impossible to escalate from here, so the game ends, as is traditional, with a melancholy and temporary victory that leaves the future uncertain."

And that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks:

This is why WoW sucks lately. We reached that point where it was impossible to escalate further many expansions ago, but the game has kept going.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the ONLY reason. There are a LOT of contributing factors (and I'll try and get to some of them), but I feel like that is The Big One. It's the Root Cause of a lot of other problems. The game has existed for way too long.

But that's also not the whole picture. Do you remember, a while back, when I was trying to figure out what the fuck was actually happening in the plot for The War Within? Well, I did eventually figure it out. Sort of. But in doing so, I noticed something.

In trying to untangle the story from the start of Vanilla (mostly to jog my own memory of 20 years ago, holy fucking shit I am so goddamn old) to the current expansion of The War Within, I noticed that there was a very slow but steady emphasis on the Player Character being referred to as, like... a legit hero, or "Commander" in Warlords, or "Champion" in everything post Legion.

I'm not bringing this up as if it's some big revelation. This has been a Known Problem with WoW for many years, so much so that even in my absence I heard people saying shit like "I'm tired of being Azeroth's Champion, I want to go back to being nobody again." I bring this up, because I think I've figured out why the game keeps insisting that the player is a "Champion."

The story of WoW, if you actually follow the quests as written (which I did to try and figure out what the fuck is going on jesus fucking christ what the fuck is wrong with me), are working under the assumption that the character experiencing these quests has been playing the game since Vanilla. And not just playing the game since Vanilla, but the story is sort of... taking it as read that they player has done EVERYTHING in EVERY expansion.

Like so much else in the storytelling of WoW, it's not... good, but it does make sense. At least once the layers of bullshit have been stripped away. Incidentally, that's also how I'd describe the plot of The War Within, now that I actually know what's going on: it's not good writing, but it makes sense.

When you stop to think about it through that lens, specifically, a lot of questionable writing decisions suddenly become a bit more understandable. Slightly. Because this hypothetical completionist player who has been playing the game since Vanilla that the story is apparently being written for... would be completely ridiculous.

Because, even in Vanilla, the quests that send you to dungeons and raids, if you'd ever actually stopped to read the text (which I did in my research to piece everything together) acknowledges that these are challenges for groups of people... but there is also this implication that you are the one in charge. The quests assume that You are The Party Leader, organizing this adventure to kill dragons, or elemental lords, or Old Gods sealed away for thousands of years. Of course The Player Character is regarded as a hero! ... right?

And, y'know? It's a shame that that is the angle they decided to focus on, and subsequently expand, when it came to the story. Because I think it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of why MMOs like WoW worked in the first place. They are multiplayer games, first and foremost. Yeah, one of us can be "strong," sure, but we will always be stronger when working together. That sense of community you get with a bunch of people working towards a common goal, that is one of the primary draws of MMOs.

We weren't important back in Vanilla, at least not at first. We were just an ordinary person, rising to the challenges set before us, along with all of our friends. We weren't a prophesied hero, we weren't a "Champion," we were just... The Person Who Was Available. And more than that, one of the other big draws, at least back in Vanilla, was the novelty of being able to exist as a person in this world that we'd only ever experienced before in three strategy games.

Then again, when you look back at the RTS games - and specifically, the Founding of Durotar campaign in Frozen Throne - you realize that a lot of these problems have existed since before WoW was even a thing. I've often said that the Founding of Durotar felt a bit like a proof of concept of what Blizz wanted to do for WoW, just in the Warcraft 3 engine. Because Rexxar also wasn't a destined hero at first... he started off kinda like us. He was The Person Who Was Available. And wouldn't you know it, he ended that campaign as the Champion of the Horde. But we didn't notice that being a problem, back then... because that story came to an end. It was allowed to stop.

And that brings me back to the original problem. Because what do you do with a player character who has killed dragons, elemental lords, Old Gods, and everything else on the way? Where do you possibly go from there when you've already committed to this course for the story?

Well... you escalate.

Things get bigger. The threats get larger. The danger gets more extreme. The list of accomplishments under the player character's belt as they overcome these challenges grows. And grows. And grows. Things just keep escalating and building and escalating and building and the game is forced to acknowledge that everything else that came before has been done, and been done by you, specifically, even if the character you're playing didn't or couldn't... because it would be completely unfeasible and make even LESS SENSE to try and write different quest text based on what the current character has actually done, specifically. It just keeps going on and on and on and on...

But you can't keep doing that forever. At least, not under normal circumstances. Because doing that means things will just keep getting more and more ridiculous, and the titles and accolades will ring more and more hollow. Sure, you're a "Champion" in the quest text... but everyone else is a "Champion," too. Because the quest text isn't talking to you. It's talking to the hypothetical (and probably imaginary) completionist player that all this stupid escalation is apparently being written for.

We passed the Point of No Return and have significantly exceeded the Ridiculous Escalation Critical Mass Threshold several expansions ago. But because of the corporate machinations of ActivisionBlizzardKing - and now Micro$oft - World of Warcraft just... keeps going. It WILL keep going. Despite how many people have left the game over the years, it is still an economic powerhouse. It's still making the company literal boatloads of cash. And because of this, World of Warcraft is not allowed to die.

... aw, dang. Now I've gone and made myself sad again.

[blackxgold]

a silly ship chart I wanted to make + mandatory this is just my opinion yada yada yada + honorary OCs of @code1r15 and @mothmarc who are by default in my heart always

my yapping explanation for each one under here

NO Tier *STOLE BLOOD

my simple explanation for that tier is that stealing Adam's blood disqualifies you from kissing privileges so it's nothing against the dynamics but rather the insane medicial malpractice, I could scream about Adam/Megan for days they keep me awake at night (negative) then there's Sarif who is disqualified for the above reason but also I just see him more in a familial perspective than romantic, I can respect the old man for trying to mend stuff in MD but he's still on thin ice

S Tier

Eliza/Adam - Is it too much to want a metaphysical gf for Adam, goddamn I miss Eliza, anyways, the obvious parallels of being prototypes to each other, being the one to be there for the final decision in panchaea, even moreso when Megan was suppose to escort Adam through that last mission according to the wiki, she reaches out for him and calls his name, he immediately meets her eyes when he realises its her, Adam what the fuck did you mean by "oh so you want us to run together and have a night life" what is that freudin slip, entity learning to live meets human who is relearning how to live, I think about them a lot

Francis/Adam - toxic yaoi [lite] I think Francis's the most guy with visible screentime with Adam (HR + Black Light + System Rift) a tale as old as time, the classical duo, how can I help you FRANCIS (slur) writing your fanchild and releasing it to the wild, what the hell, sure. I like characters with history and assholes characters who have a soft spot for each other (esp with Francis considerably softening up by MD), love the echoes to each other in between the two games, "I would follow him to hell I just wish he could stop going there" also ship approved by Deus Ex/Adam's VA so that's something

A Tier

Farida/Adam - MY BABY oh my god Farida, the difference between her and Eliza in the tierlist is just about 0.0001 cm honestly, spy boy and fly girl my beloveds, they have a cute dynamic of jock4jock, even if I think the HR comics don't exist it implies a level of disclosing personal stuff to each other, and in MD Farida either broke into his house or knew the number to give him that cute little toy, the way he misses her in Black Light and wishes it was her coming out of the VTOL instead, Farida's willingness to sacrifice her life for him, my god, I will never get over not getting anything else for her and we can't even ask about her

Václav/Adam - oh boy we love the completely guy straight art of wanting to put your hand inside of another guy so much, the stuff Václav says can be so unhinged and feels like straight up innuendos, but also there are a lot of hints of him respecting Adam's autonomy (unlike SOMEBODY) and him being actually sad for the stuff he had to go through despite being a freak himself, if you don't force yourself into his business he gets boinked, what the hell little guy, Adam's favourite czech guy probably in prauge, the crush is most likely canon on Václav's end, I also think even if not romantic, Václav would be a part of Adam's inner circle

B Tier

Kat/Adam - I cannot in good faith put her last despite my qualms with the comics and the dynamic they had in said comics, I will not judge a lady doomed by the writers and the narrative, she isn't even referenced at any point despite being important to Adam, Kat deserved better therefore I'm doing a rewrite

Miller/Adam - one-sided old men yaoi, Adam and Miller are foils to each other in regards of questioning authority and wanting to do the right thing, the artbook mentions Miller being a paternal figure and thats what they probably tried to do in the Orchid scene but I'm gonna be honest here he's a father to his children but to TF29??? nah for me, the Orchid scene ended up being gay instead because of that with the first name basis and all, if Adam deserves an old man I'm picking Miller, yes there is baggage attached to the loser divorced dad but I trust Adam with his "I can fix them" syndrome

C Tier

Vega/Adam - another foils to each other, but this time it's a younger version of Adam with himself, she is Adam's pilot but also she accompanies him personally in a lot of parts (hello Black Light + Hard Line), I feel she sort of grounds him when Adam enters nihilism mode and he also grounds her in some way too, I see them more as platonic but I can see the potential, she's meant to fill in Farida's shoes (both the pilot and a confidant) but serves a bigger role, wished we could have seen more of them, or Vega in general, even fandom wise there isn't much content of her

Mac/Adam - toxic yaoi and not the lite version, they make me laugh "shooting better isn't going to make me like you / you're breaking my heart" the "we're both tools that will be forced to retire when are aren't any more of use anymore" is interesting, I feel they work if they were the last people on the earth, possible but unlikely, Mac was supposed to be Francis's counterpart but with the game cut he's just the asshole part so you get discount Francis instead so you gotta fill in the gaps yourself, I see them in a very specific dynamic that I more or less trust content of three authors only about them

D Tier

Aria/Adam - like Václav, I feel like her crush is canonical, but I feel that on Adam's side, he treats her more in a sisterly manner, I can see the potential of them being the only augmented people in the office and they obviously look out for each other considering "aug is here" on Adam's desk, she calls him worried that he going shanked by the harvester, it's sweet, wish there was more though even if it wasn't romantic, similar to Mac, fill in the gaps if you want something

[celtrist]

Why does Vassago already have merch, we haven't even met him yet

[corpseontheloose]

The other line ── .✦

Pairing: Nam-gyu x f!reader

Summary: You never text Nam-gyu during his shifts. You learnt that the hard way, whenever he left you on delivered until he got back home

A/N: If I'm obsessed with Hyun-ju, why do I write for Nam-gyu sm? Also the text messages from Nam-gyu and reader are both different styles on purpose. I tried to make it seem realistic bcz let's be honest, Nam-gyu wouldn't use automatic caps or punctuation 💔💔 reader does. Just to make a difference in their writing style

Warnings: drugs, alcohol, kinda toxic relationship but with good ending ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ ) angst with fluff

It was 03:32 AM written all over your clocks. The digital one from your kitchen, the one from your nightstand, as well as the one from the screen that lights up whenever you check your phone

Empty. Absolutely no texts. No messages.

The coldness lingered on your body as you moved back and forth, from one room to another in your apartment, trying to make every thought you had disappear in thin fog, or anywhere, for that matter. You just wanted them gone

Nam-gyu worked until 6 AM. The schedule was pretty flexible for someone that works and promotes a literal nightclub. And he wasn't complaining about it. If anything, he actually found it more practical and useful.

Sunlight wasn't for alcohol and heavy drugs, no. It didn't howl the energy he wanted while chugging down two cocktails at the same time. Moonlight, on the other hand...

He lived for this vibe. For this sentiment that the club gave him so substantially.

You couldn't do anything but accept. That was his job. Whether you liked it or not.

Your relationship shifted dynamics a while ago. He became extremely distant towards you. He barely touched you anymore. Whenever you two fought, Nam-gyu much more preferred to take his pillow and sleep on the couch than have to share a bed with you.

It wounded you. But you couldn't leave. Something in you was saying, praying even, that things are going to change. That he'll go back to the way he was when you two got together

Each day challenged you more and more to scrub your hope away and take the matter into your own hands, pack your bags with no note, and find a new reason to live for

But you were always pulled back by the picture of the two of you from your lock screen and how you would always see it even if you didn't intend to

Back when you two were a fresh new couple, you'd occasionally text him while he worked, making sure to say your goodnights before drifting to sleep

However, you never received any answers. You were left on delivered most of the time, probably because he was too busy keeping the hype up for the customers, until he got off from work and probably replied with 'Good morning :)' instead

Or whenever he was too tired, he wouldn't reply at all. He'd just crash onto his bed and text you whenever he woke up

That happened a few times before you got the memo and stopped texting him while he was at work. It didn't matter if you felt lonely, if you had a question, or if you simply wanted to say 'I love you'. You'd suck it up and go to bed, waiting for him to text you first in the morning

After you two moved together, you still followed this silent protocol that you forced upon yourself. No texting while at work

It wouldn't have a point. You'd get hit with the 'delivered' text below your message, remaining stuck in that position until he decided to open the messages and reply with a dry response

If texting was a big no-no, calling was off-limits. You never even dared to press the call button next to his name when he was out there, partying his butt off. Maybe because, deep down, you knew the only voice that you were going to hear was the voicemail

He'd very, very rarely slide a quick 'Love you, goodnight' over your cheek after you moved in with him. If you guys didn't fight before that, of course...

That kept you awake at night. How badly he was treating you lately and how cold he turned towards you. He was like the iceberg that hit the Titanic (૮(˶╥︿╥)ა I'm sorry) but with no physical impact. Just emotional distance

So now you were pacing around the apartment, debating whether this was the life you wanted for yourself or if you wanted to do something about it

Thoughts were running wildly into your brain until you sat down on the couch, dragging your knees to your chest and burying your head between them

It was so, so cold without him.

The screen of your phone illuminated again, letting you know that you were two steps away from your next level in your game.

You turned it off silently. You weren't in the mood for games. You weren't even in the mood to be awake, but it seemed that you had no other choice than to oblige your body's restlessness.

You didn't want this to end. You loved Nam-gyu, and inside your chest, you knew, maybe, that he loved you too.

You just couldn't bear this emptiness that he was offering lately.

So, with your hands shaking slightly, as well as your eyes forming small tears that tangled with your lashes, you picked up the phone and opened Messages

Your mind was yelling at you to put your damn phone down and wipe some dust off the shelves instead, but your heart was tugging at you to just text him... text Nam-gyu.

You didn't know what to type; you just wanted this pressure on your chest gone and done with.

So you typed something before deleting the message and retyping something else. It was a word fight you couldn't win; you just stared at your text, wondering if that's good enough or if you should add something that could potentially get his attention

You scoffed to yourself, pressing send and closing your phone before throwing it to the side

You didn't have any expectations to get an answer right away, or even at all. You just wanted to feel the thrill of doing something that you, yourself, were restricted from doing. Pushing your own boundaries and self-respect just for him...

It wasn't a long message. You wrote a 'Hi can we talk?' and waited for the worst

However, to your surprise, a text popped up just a minute later, leaving your mouth agape and your stomach twisting.

You were fast to unlock your phone and read the notification as your lungs forgot to breathe for a moment

The moment felt so weird, like the air stings your nose whenever you want to inhale a deep breath and calm your nervousness

'what's wrong?' he answered.

Your fingers trembled on the keyboard, trying to form coherent words and not make him wait for too long

'I don't know. I feel like there's something I want to say, but I just can't do it" You press send, watching the screen attentively until the three moving dots appear

'you never text me while Im working. somethings up'

He knew it. He didn't know that you mentally forbade yourself from texting him when he's working. However, he knew when you needed to get things off your chest and just couldn't find the right words to do so

Unfortunately, he knew you too well.

'I don't know Nam-gyu,' you continued in another text message. 'I just wanted to talk'

'talk about what??'

'Anything'

Before he could answer your plea, your quick fingers sent another message. One that made him delete whatever he was texting and leave you hanging for a minute.

'I miss you' is all you typed. Now you pressed your forehead against your knees, looking at the screen in embarrassment.

You felt pathetic. You felt small whenever it came to Nam-gyu. It was almost like your entire mood depended on his.

The dots appeared again, until they suddenly disappeared for a moment. Waiting for his response, whatever that was, sent you spiraling. You felt like you wanted to crawl to the other line and strangle him until he finished typing in his message

Until he did.

'i miss you too babe. talk to me'

That was a nickname he hadn't used in a long time. It made your chest flutter slightly, the feeling you got on your first date crashing onto you again tonight after so much time

It softened your core, melting you and every thought of leaving this apartment, sweeping it under the rug like it never even existed in the first place.

You were now rolling onto the couch, finding a comfortable enough position that could keep you awake and conscious

'I miss my Nam-gyu. You grew so distant and so cold that the only way to warm myself up is by sleeping the feeling off. And I can't keep on sleeping forever. I'm so tired of all the fights, baby. I just want us to be okay. I want to hug you tightly and smell your cologne while you carry me to the bedroom so we could talk about your night until we fall asleep against each other...like we used to. And I always restrained myself from texting you at work because you always left me on delivered. I felt pointless'

You weren't sure if the message would burst his anger out or if he was going to look at it and contemplate his actions. You just knew you wanted to let it out

The opened chat window fell silent. That was probably the most vulnerable state you've ever shown him, and you couldn't help but cringe at the feeling. It was almost cliché.

Until the dots popped again. And they've been moving up and down for at least a minute and a half, making your heart beat fast as you waited for his response

You squeezed the phone in your hand as soon as his message was sent.

'shit Y/N. you gotta listen to me ok? Its the drugs. its the alcohol. it always has been. ive been diving so deep in addiction lately that i forgot ive got a lady to love and cherish at home ok? you have to believe me please. please babe. I need you to believe me. i never stopped loving you Y/N i promise. even now with three vodka cranberries in my system im realizing how idiotic Ive been towards you. please believe me Y/N"

The message made you tear up silently as you tried your best to type an answer to his paragraph. Your fingers burned against your phone, maybe because it got hot after being open for so long, or maybe because the message warmed you up so much it was making it hard to breathe.

You continued to chat throughout the night. He told you to talk to him, that he didn't care about his job right now, and that you had his full attention

You talked about every single subject you could possibly find. From drugs and how they affect the body to changing the color of the walls in your guys' room. You were thinking of a more intimate tone, perhaps lavender.

The hours went by, and Nam-gyu finally hit you with 'i will be home soon wait for me ❤️' as you locked your eyes on the clock and saw how fast the time fled

You replied with 'oki 💕' before leaving your phone down and waited for your boyfriend, curled on the couch, half asleep and half in tears

Seconds turn into minutes, and minutes turn into key sounds that smash over the door in a rush, opening it as quickly as possible

Nam-gyu felt desperate to see you, to touch you after the whole conversation. He felt the guilt hitting him right where it hurt the most, and it continued to hurt until his eyes found yours, looking up curiously from the couch

"...Gyu—" you whispered breathlessly as your bare feet touched the cold floor, stepping towards the man. Your man.

His mouth was slightly open, exhaling the air he'd been holding for so long, dizzying him the entire way to the apartment. He simply picked you up and held you tight against his body, cupping the back of your head as you sobbed in his shoulder.

He held you. And for the first time in a while, he could feel alive again. Not because of the drugs, nor the alcohol. But you.

"My sweet baby..." he whispered against your hair, nuzzling and taking in your perfume he so desperately missed

You could hear the breaks in his voice, like he was about to crack open and cry his eyes out.

He didn't sob. But you could see the tears that peeked in the corner of his eyes

"I'm sorry—Fuck! I'm so sorry, Y/N! Really, I am! I despite mys—"

You shushed him. Not because you didn't want the words, because you definitely did want and deserve them, but because all you wanted was to feel him.

"Apologize later," you told him, pressing your forehead to his. "Please, just hold me"

And he did. He held you in every position, anything that could bring you the closest to him, that could bring you back the warmth he took away when he drifted apart from you. He'd hold you so tightly that you could barely breathe. You didn't mind, though. That's exactly what you wanted, anyways.

[sentimentalmachine]

I've seen my neurologist 4 times now and every time she wears a different pair of unique glasses and today she was wearing a huge chunky plastic rainbow pair and I couldn't help but wonder, is this for pride month?! Or just a coincidence? Hope it was the former!

[andresylupin]

i have around 60 pages left, i'm taking bets on whether or not there'll be a kiss

[secret--history]

the whole 'there are not very many Great Causes worth fighting for these days' from Julian scanned as WAY more out of touch than the moon landing thing for me the first time i read tsh

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions is really on one constantly like you gotta love how there's the wordless presentation of This Man & This Woman as like an image of epic power couple &/or pr for the Wholesomeness of this man to have the Family Values in having a wife & possibly even kids, and being fictional media, most of the time this comes up as Staged Material from actors for this Media, especially given that generally both parties will be preexisting Roles With Dialogue. and then when it comes to winston & their granting us their clearest most elevated least questioning/critical exercises in "this is Telling you that winston is inferior" in a) successful violation &/or b) successful-violation-born information that they recognize as Inferior & expect you will too....really a moment's pause sometimes remembering that since they couldn't be bothered to stage anything for winston & instead we got a) photos provided from will roland of himself from his real life or b) pics they didn't need to get rights to, in this case they show us selfies from a real-life-and-by-then-married-couple, and it's This that gets "well so of course this is another Recognition Of Inferiority presentation" and not "well isn't that nice, epic, &/or wholesome, or even just matter of fact" like. really unbelievable of them and steph wessels gets to cameo as someone who Of Course dumped this guy because [well just look at him we're right back to exactly 4 seasons prior in 3x03 where we're supposed to know winston isn't epic b/c if wags is there you're supposed to be projecting on him, thanks, & when the one thing you can take issue with being an apparently accidental misgendering, there's Nothing to take issue with in that in the face of this it's crickets from wags who's otherwise dying to kill winston already. awesome. but i mean. well just look at him. we Hate winston.] like and billions is off the rails like "b/c he's so bad at sex" like yeah i think nothing says Good At Sex like the nexus of "has never tried learning anything about sex" & "has never been told their sexual partners might benefit from their learning about sex" Hell yeah. but only those born with the good bodies (winston wasn't! btw! which we all Knew 500 thinking emojis) deserve to have sex and this is also an extremely epic thing to say in this zero critical lens Celebration of killing the autistic guy for not sufficiently staying an exploited object kept silently shut away in your possession but out of sight & mind.

literally unironically Extremely Normal of them where "normal" is expected to be synonymous with a [neutral to good] context, as it "normally" is lol, but we Do have a critical lens out here. just like amazing you brought his real life then even all the more recent marriage into things held up for us as more fodder for Why We All Hate Winston & Want To Kill Him which also always hinged on "well just look at him" which necessarily hinges on a real life person's form to be looked at (or heard, given that we know people don't always react to his speaking voice as "neutral" and this is just another aspect of people's bodies) while meanwhile it's like yeah delightful stuff actually. or who cares b/c the Context doesn't have to be "does this role seem personally appealing?" for the Question that doesn't need to be "do we want them dead or are they someone who can do whatever they want or someone who has to forever endure and support the previous and can do whatever they want that doesn't conflict with this" and then 500 zillion words to say about this actor who was only supposed to be Quant Kid 2 Who We All Hated & Killed for one scene in one ep getting a recurring role (to still only ever be hated & killed as far as the writing was concerned, for the overwhelming Mostly) b/c of this je ne sais quoi & of course still Acting as though this role is as much a person as any of the other roles, wow, can't believe this was found to be so Talented & Delightful & Essential despite still only seeing the role as [guy we hate & kill] & having no intention of like giving him an arc ever but we really want more of this. and then inevitably be really preoccupied about his dick like not in a "haha. pwned them in turn b/c that's gay" but like of course in being Superior it's like yep preoccupied with the inferior parties' sexuality & your own being superior too. his dick is bad and he's not tall enough and well just look at him, no wonder he was dumped [shows you an image from actually having good times with his eventual wife] like obviously. billions with their autistic character like how do we step it up from the episode where some guy yells the r word at him amidst like the threats and harassment and assault? well more of that plus surveillance and even more personal intrusion but also someone says he's effectively a child and then we enjoy validation of our eugenicist presumptions i guess about his sexuality and body and most like random details of personality (never stop pointing out that somehow that He Likes Puns is more evidence for how Objectively Hated he is) and this episode has no other point than revelling in all of this and considering this to also be like "yes this all makes wags look Epic, which is worth an episode ever, all the more so as 1/12th of a series finale season"

[snowstormarts]

Cuddling time [Date Everything x GN Reader]

Just some cuddling with the boys, headcanons maybe & co. I'm just dipping my claws in the water here so don't expect too much since its been a few years since I last wrote anything really ^^"

Also feel free to send me ideas or requests, I have a hard time coming up ideas to write for (which will be probably a bit obvious, sorry) but have fun reading, reblogs & likes are appreciated

[Feat: Daemon, Chance, Hector, Mateo & Dirk/Clarence]

[Dividers by ithemes]

🐾 Mateo Manta 🐾

- His arms wrap around your waist, they fit perfectly around you as he pulls you closer letting your head rest on his soft, warm chest. Not to mentione that if you're still cold or need something weighted he will gladly share his jacket with you that smells like Vanilla & Tasslehounds

- I headcanon that the Jacket he wears is weighted like a weighted blanket, which can help with his Anxiety

- Once you got all cozy he will tell you about his day, be it the chaos his/the other residents critters have caused while under his care or what new stray he had found. And of course he listens to what you have to share, laughing, nodding along & hugging you when it was an especially hard/overwhelming day. Blocking out all the stress for the time being, letting you be pulled into a wall of pure comfort & safety

- His Critter family is of course, also here in the room, you can't keep them away from you guys. Stitch & Davi sleep at your feet, curled up against each other while Sprite lays on top of Mateos head

🪲☣ Daemon ☣🪲

- Seeing as he is a Game Bug, he hasn't experienced a lot besides breaking a few game scenes and trying to scare you, so when you offered to cuddle with him, he simply just said "sure" and went along with it, not expecting much

- But the second you cuddled up to him on the bed you realized quickly that he was quiet stiff, laying straight on the bed staring up at the ceiling. He wasn't quiet sure what to do seeing as the scrapped files didn't have cuddling codes, so you would need to lend a hand...or two...

- But once he got it down, it was the strangest yet comfiest cuddle session you ever had. Sometimes besides the arms around you midsection you would feel other arms carassing you, massaging your shoulders as you felt his lips on your neck, forehead and back even though he was facing you, never daring to look away from you

- He also produces a silent, whitenoise-humming sound, so if you ever have problems sleeping he's the man to go to...If you can ignore his glowing, white eyes that will stare at you the whole time

🎲 Chance 🎲

- Can be the little or big spoon, he's quiet happy with either or. As a little spoon he will talk about the characters he has for G&G, their storys, motivations, design ideas and so much more. While as a Big spoon he will tell you a story, whatever you want it can be adventurous, a horror story or just a fairytale so you can relax while he fills the silence

- He will always cuddle up to you, either burrying himself into your chest or shoulder or curling himself around you. Cocooning you into a save hold, legs drapped over yours as he rests his forehead against the back of your neck

- Makes the coolest pillowforts, the pillow walls are super sturdy somehow and he even got some fairy lights. Overtime he will build them out to a point where they basically become less of a pillowfort and more of a pillowcave with a secret back entrance & snack hoard

💨❄ Hector ❄💨

- Poor man will be too anxious to leave the attic at first, he showed himself to you and that did help with some of his self-esterm issues but not all of them. So you decided to build a little nest in the attic with him, so you could still get some cuddling experience with him

- He's a great cuddle buddy, he can change his body heat to whatever you desire which means even when it's in the middle of summer you can enjoy a good cuddle session in his arms without breaking a sweat

- He's a small spoon through and through, he curls up into a ball (much like a cat) and gets as close as he can without making you uncomfortable. He will also pull a blanket over himself to stay hidden because of his never ending reddening face [He will be gently teased about it by some of the others in the Attic]

👕🕸 Dirk/Clarence 🫧👕

- Dirk is a chaotic cuddler, he will drap his arm and head over your chest and use you like a cuddly bed plushy. He also sleeps without a shirt on so you can run your fingers across his back, admire the tattoos he has, draw shapes across his body that will have him teasingly ask you what you are doing. Though be warned he will retaliate if you do somehow find a ticklish spot on him, cuddle time can wait that man would be on a tickle war path

- Clarence on the other hand is a more neatly cuddler, he will pull you to his side and let you rest on his shoulder. On the otherside of you is of course the Batman Bodypillow, keeping your back protected from not only the cold but also nightmares [Acording to him at least]

- Dirk always brings a plushy around that you had washed once but never got back, you thought you lost it somehwhere but nope he simply "borrrowed" it and then hid it behind Washford whenever you came around. It was one item that brought him comfort after he and Harper had a rough fight, the lil' guy was basically his vent buddy while he was with her

- He has a solid grip, no matter if he's in a dirty or clean, once he has you in his arms it will be a feat to escape from him. And don't even try waking him up, that man sleeps like a rock...

[holeforzenin]

A/n wrote this at 5am so I apologize for any errors! <3 also it's poorly written but I hope you guys still like it.

Yk what fucking drives me crazy the most?

Sweet innocent looking men that treats you so well, I'm talking like he writes you cute poems, follows you around everywhere like a lost puppy and gets all flustered and shy when you want to go to Victoria secret to get new bras and panties but he still goes in with you anyways with his hand clinging onto your arm instead of just leaving because anything for you!!. The way his face melts into your hand whenever you'd cup his cheeks, looking at you with those innocent puppy dog eyes then he places a gentle kiss on your hand. Like he's just such a cutie you know? He'd let you do his makeup and let you baby him and feed him. Literally just anything you want he'd do it and lets you do. Whatever makes you happy.

And that same sweet innocent guy would have you against the wall, his strong arms holding you up, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs as he slams his hips against you, each thrust pushing you higher and higher against the wall as he let you drop back down on his fat cock after, and he's even noisier than you are, loud whimpers and groans escaping his lips as he stares at your face, feeling satisfied and happy that his thick cock is the reason for your cute fucked out expression and sweet moans that are like music to his ears. Your nails leaving long red marks on his shoulders and back that he's sooo proud of having, he loves it when you do that, it's like a reward to him for making you feel good. His big strong arms pressing your legs back even further up so your knees raised up by your shoulders, giving him a deeper angle as his cock brushed against the right spots inside you that made you see stars to the point where you can't even think straight.

"O-oh fuck! baby, need you to cum ple-ase, fuck! please, wanna see you make a mess on my cock please I'm begging you princess", his voice cracks as he whimpers it out to you. The sweet and innocent needy tone in his voice compared to his rough pounding like he fucking hates you and had to prove it was all it took for you to cream around him, nails digging deeply into his back as he's practically making out with your neck, kissing and sucking on the tender flesh, leaving a bunch of purple and red marks that's definitely going to make him all fluttered and shy when he sees them in a few hours, remembering about what happened earlier. His eyes rolling back when he feels you coating his cock with your cream and dripping all over him.

"Ngh! Oh fuck, Tha-nk you! Thank you so much, gon-na cum!". He cries out. Your toes curling as he sped up his pace, hammering his cock in a reckless pace into your poor cunt, his thick cock head kissing your cervix with each one of his deep thrusts as he greedily chases his orgasm. He made sure to have his cock so deep inside of you to the hilt so he can fill you up full of his cum as he painted your tight walls white, thick ropes of cum spurting out of his cock, stuffing your hungry cunt full as he lets out a shaky groan while planting his face in your neck. He starts breathing heavily, panting against your neck as you felt his cock twitching inside of you. And you know what? He slowly pulls it out of you, being sooo careful that he doesn't spill any cum as he grips on your thighs even tighter before getting on his knees and eating all of his cum out of your filthy stuffed cunt like the good boy he is, after all its his mess and well, yours also but he doesn't mind! he just wants to make it easier for you to clean you know? :(

Choso, Izuku, Armin,Yuuta, Zentisu, Kirishima, Yuuji, Kaneki, Toge.