#at this point i HOPE amara is the murderer she DESERVES it

[shitpostingkats]

Every new thing I learn about the Sahdmahdi family has me wanting to chew drywall

[brekkerism]

BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

 I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.  

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

 And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

 “So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

 “I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

 “O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

 “You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

 “No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

 “Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

 And I didn’t really want to.

 ****

 A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

 *****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

 And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my  mouth.

 Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

[paralleledmediaexperience]

a part 2 to this ficlet as requested by @xanthomonus in the notes! I’ve got at least one more part conceptualized (no way you can guess what’ll happen there) though i may extend it or add more, so if anyone would like to be tagged let me know!! 

- 

 Sam is insistent that they try to research ways to get Cas back. Jack has explained that Amara won’t fail- it is simply the process of extracting an Angel from the Empty that takes time, since she didn’t want to wake or anger it like… well, like what Jack had done. He could feel Amara’s sincerity in a way that he was certain Sam and Dean wouldn’t understand, let alone be comforted by. She’d been in his head, crossed with his soul in the transfer of power. He’s kind of sure that if he hadn’t missed Cas so much too, she probably would have ignored Dean’s request altogether.

But it makes Sam look less frazzled when he’s able to lose himself in the research for something, and Jack doesn’t mind sitting with him and pretending he’s not hiding chapter books behind the large tomes. He’s been working his way steadily through some books Sam had collected for him last time they had been out shopping, and while he had enjoyed the first one (a mystery about siblings called the Boxcar children even though they no longer lived in a boxcar) he’d chosen Matilda next, because she sounded nice. And he was right! Matilda was his new favorite, even more than his last favorite, which had been Where the Wild Things Are.

He doesn’t even notice when Dean walks in, because Matilda had just glued a hat to her father’s head, but he does when Sam says, “What, none for me?”

“You’re a grown man, Sammy, you can make your own food. He’s four years old with a foot injury.” Dean says, scowling at Sam. The effect is rather ruined by both Dean’s flour dusted apron and the plate in his hands, and Jack smiles when he turns back to him instead. “You both missed lunch.”

Sam grumbles, but gets up anyway, stretching. “If you didn’t make me food how could I have missed it?”

“Shut up,” Dean shoots back half-heartedly. “Here, Jack, and don’t let him steal off your plate just because he got distracted reading.”

“Thanks, Dean!” Jack says brightly, moving his secret reading setup to the table instead of his lap and pushing it away, ignoring the way Sam’s eyebrows raise when he notices his no longer hidden book. Dean sets the plate down and ignores that Sam sends him one last annoyed face before heading off to the kitchen, where Jack knows there is going to be a plate ready for Sam, or at least a serving of the macaroni and cheese sprinkled with bacon bits and breadcrumbs that Dean’s brought him. “Are you making something else?”

“Just some bread,” Dean grimaces down at the mess of flour across his front, and Jack has to contain his giggles when the movement reveals a streak of flour in Dean’s hair. 

“Just some bread,” Sam echoes, swinging back through the door with his own plate of macaroni. “Dean. Do I need to remind you that we need vegetables and can’t live off of carbs and meat alone?”

“It’s macaroni, Sam, quit whining and just enjoy it,” Dean rolls his eyes. “I swear, you’re the pickiest-”

“It’s not being picky, it’s eating healthy-”

“Same difference!” Dean insists, his twitching lips betraying the irritation in his voice.

“Just one meal with something green a day, Dean, I’m begging you.” 

Eyes flicking back and forth as they snipe at each other, Jack takes an appreciative bite of the macaroni. Expectedly delicious, because Dean made it and Dean didn't make bad food the way Sam sometimes did. Mostly.

“Then beg,” Dean proclaims stubbornly, eyes narrowed. Sam doesn’t respond, his own expression pinching up into very familiar exasperation. 

“Actually, I’ve never had brussel sprouts before, and Claire said I should try them!” Jack interjects. He isn’t sure what a brussel sprout is beyond a vegetable, but Claire had said he’d like them and that he should bother Dean into making them. 

Dean looks unimpressed though, gaze switching from Sam back to meet Jack’s eyes. “You want me to make you brussel sprouts?”

“Please?” Jack tries, unsure if Dean thinks there is something wrong with brussel sprouts or if he is still simply offended by the concept of vegetables.

The please works, Dean’s capitulation coming in the form of a displeased huff and an, “Alright, fine.” He swings back around to point at Sam accusingly. “I’m blaming you for this.”

“As long as we get something from each of the five food groups, sure,” Sam says, taking his seat again. “And no, you don’t get to use tomatoes as the catch all.”

“Fine,” Dean bites out again, clapping Jack on the shoulder as he starts to turn away.

“Thank you Dean! Love you!” Jack says, and he hears Sam’s quick inhale just as he sees Dean almost stumble and he smiles to himself.

“Love you too, kid,” Dean manages to get out, hand squeezing just a bit tighter on his shoulder. “Alright, go back to your books, I have to go to the store for brussel sprouts apparently.”

The speed at which Dean walks away couldn’t be called running away but Jack definitely thinks it qualifies as retreating, and he straightens up a bit, very proud of himself for receiving his second ‘love you’ from Dean in twice as many days. He watches Dean get out the door before turning back around in his seat.

Sam is staring at him with a blinking mixture of incredulity and open affection, the smile on his face wide, if confused. “That’s… new?” 

“Yep,” Jack confirms, pulling Matilda back towards himself and abandoning the pretense of reading the book Sam had suggested he search through. Sam had already searched it himself twice. He doesn’t manage to open it, because Sam continues.

“And I don’t need to check that it’s actually Dean?” Sam teases, bewilderment clear and pride clearer. “Saying yes to vegetables AND and I love you?”

“It turns out,” A voice whipcracks out, startling them both, “That Dean Winchester is actually a big old softie at heart. Who knew?”

“Balthazar?” Sam says, and Jack almost gets bowled over by the wave of shock. Balthazar? He knew that name. He stares openly, unheeded as Balthazar talks to Sam.

“Well, except Castiel, of course, but that Profound Bond of theirs hardly makes it fair,” The angel says, stepping forward. “Yes, Sam, I’ve been hand delivered back from the dead, at the temporary cost of my Grace. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Your grace?” Jack asks, curious about how Sam had been looking at him, but unwilling to turn around and take his eyes off of the angel Cas had once killed. “What do you mean?”

“Ah,” Balthazar strides over, and before Jack can say anything he’s got him clasped by both shoulders, staring into his eyes with a curiosity so intense Jack almost steps back towards the table. “And you’re Jack, I assume? I was warned that there would be no murdering of nephilim if I returned.”

“So Amara freed you?” Sam cuts in, and Jack huffs out a small breath as Balthazar lets him go to spin back around and face him. “Did she have a reason?”

Jack doesn’t voice his own question, which feels far more important. He wants to know when Cas will be back.

“Uh, yes?” Balthazar sneers. “Most of the angels are dead, Sam, no thanks to you and your brother and my brother. I’ll admit some of us deserved it- were rather asking for it, if you ask me- but it did leave dear aunty with rather less personnel than she wants to run heaven with.”

“She’s not grabbing all the angels, is she?” Jack breathes, terrified suddenly, despite Balthazar’s assurance that Amara had apparently set him off limits. 

“Not a chance. Seemed to have a list in mind, and I think I was simply the first she found. I thought perhaps…” He trails off, just for a split second before he grins again, bright and covering up anything he might have been about to show. “Well, I didn’t, actually. Rather hard to do when you’re sleeping in eternal torment.”

Jack catches Sam’s flinch, and frowns at the other man. “Are you sure you were the first?”

Balthazar ticks his head to one side, considering. “Well, I’m the first to show up here, I’ll assume by your reactions, and given that she’s bringing us back graceless, I imagine any others will also be sent here.”

Jack scowls. If so, then Cas may be further off than he hoped. But this was- conclusive proof. Amara could do it, and now they would just have to deal with powerless angels until she came back and dealt with them herself. And Cas would be home.

Sam sighs, deep and weary and cheerless. “Yeah. That would make sense. Well, we can put this away, then.” He closes the book on the table with a hefty thump and then stacks Jack’s abandoned tome on top of it. “And I suppose we should try to make sure we have rooms ready. Jack, would you-”

“I’ll call Dean and let him know,” Jack says, suddenly tired and wanting to get away from Balthazar, still staring at him hawkishly, wanting to be away from the library, where more angels could show up without warning. He wants to hide in his room or possibly Cas’ until Amara brings him back and takes all the others back to heaven or whatever she planned to do. He wishes viciously in his head that he hadn’t opened his mouth about brussel sprouts and that Dean was still here in the kitchen where Jack could escape to without feeling alone. As it is, he grabs Matilda and his plate, still half full of macaroni, ready to walk away, but he catches Balthazar’s face again.

“You’re hungry,” Jack realizes as he says it. Balthazar has a facial journey of his own to deal with that fact before he grimaces.

“Human,” he says, displeasure and embarrassment warring on his features, even as his stomach growls.

Jack doesn’t want Balthazar here, he doesn’t want Amara to try to find anyone but Cas, or at least to find Cas first, and he most definitely doesn’t want to share his food that Dean made him, or Dean and Sam’s attention in general, and he swallows all of this down and he says, “Here. If you’ve never been human before, you’ve never really tasted food, right? Dean’s always makes the best food.”

He holds out the plate and drops it into Balthazar’s hands and tries his best not to stomp out like a real child, or run out like he’s scared, but he makes it around the corner and leans against the wall, out of sight.

Except that Sam immediately pokes his head around, following him. “Jack?”

“I don’t like this,” Jack says plainly, staring up at Sam like maybe he could explain why all of the good feelings he’d been having had shriveled up in his stomach and refused to leave, even though Sam clearly didn’t think Balthazar was an actual threat to them.

“I could tell,” Sam says, almost teasing again, but he drops it immediately. “Is it okay, Jack? Because we can absolutely just send him and any others that show up to the nearest motel instead.”

“No,” He says immediately, but he pauses after, thinking. He takes a deep breath in, trying to ease the odd tightness inside his chest.  “No. They can stay here until Amara gets back. I just…” 

“Don’t like it,” Sam nods, as if that explains it, and Jack guesses it does. “Well, Dean won’t like it either, so you can let him know that the two of you are free to hole up wherever you’d like to get away from them, and I’ll try to deal with them myself as much as I can.”

The tightness in his chest does soften, another breath rushing out like he’d been holding it. “Thanks, Sam.” 

“You know I love you too, Jack,” Sam says, earnest and open and Jack barely makes the decision to hug him but he ends up wrapped up in Sam’s arms anyhow.

“I do. I know. Love you, Sam,” Jack says, fixing his grip on Matilda as he pulls away. “Okay, I need to go call Dean, because if he leaves the store before-”

“He won’t want to turn around, yeah,” Sam laughs.

Jack can’t help the smile that bursts across his face. “Well, I can’t use it too often, or it might not work anymore, but maybe if I say please.”

[contemplativepancakes]

15x15 coda: now and then

1.1k of fluff, giving us the answers about the cowboy picture we deserve. read on ao3 here.

Cas looks down at the worn picture in his hands, smoothing his thumb over it and thinking back to the day it was taken. 

Dean had put his hand on a woman’s shoulder who was flitting around the crime scene. “Hey, would you mind taking our picture? My partner’s been...laid up. It’s his first day back on the job, so I was hoping we’d be able to commemorate it.”

The woman had turned around and looked Dean up and down before holding out her hand for his phone. Cas shuffled next to Dean, leaving a respectable amount of space. The distance felt alien, but he knew Dean didn’t like it when he crowded his space in public. The woman clicked the screen to take the picture, moving to give the phone back to Dean, but he paused, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “Actually, could you take another one?”

Dean put his arm around Cas and pressed into Cas’s side. Cas looked at Dean in surprise, but Dean kept a smile on his face and stared resolutely ahead. The woman took the picture and gave the phone back, whispering something to Dean that made the tips of his ears turn red. 

Dean thrusted his phone over to Cas. “Looks good, huh?”

He had the second picture pulled up, and Cas had to agree. 

Jerking back to the present, Cas spares one last look at the picture. It’s the first one she had taken, one Cas had never liked very much, so it wasn’t very hard to cut it down the middle so only the image of himself remained. He buries it, and hopes it’s symbolic. 

After Jack tells Cas his news, the news that he’s planning to die, like he’s fine with it after a whopping three years of life, Cas can’t do anything but stare out the windshield. For all that Dean protests the fact, Jack is remarkably like him. A soul bomb? Cas shakes his head. Jack can’t really expect him to stand by and let this happen. Cas has already watched him die once, watched a demon parade around in his skin, watched him eat human hearts for all of this, and this is where Cas draws the line. He simply won’t allow it. 

He ruminates on this the whole way back to the bunker, trying to think of how he can stop it. By the time they get back, it’s late, and Cas is sure Sam and Dean are already asleep, so he puts his fingers to his lips and walks with Jack to his bedroom. His eyes catch on the teddy bear sitting in the corner, and Cas remembers this, too. He and Dean had been at the store, and Dean had dragged him over to the toy aisle because, “He’s a three year old, right? And he doesn’t have any toys? That’s not right, Cas.” 

Cas thought maybe Dean was trying to relive his own childhood through Jack, but he didn’t comment. Dean picked out a stuffed bear and displayed it proudly for Cas. “What do you think?” 

“I’m sure he’ll love it.”

After they checked out, with the bear sitting on top of all their groceries in the cart, Dean had handed it to Cas. “You give it to him, okay? I don’t think my man card could take the hit.”

Cas had rolled his eyes, but he had still given it to Jack. Jack had lit up with delight, and Cas understood the feeling. 

Sometimes it’s nice to have something all your own; something frivolous but meaningful. 

Cas runs his finger over the rectangular piece of plastic that lives in his trench coat pocket, eyeing the bear thoughtfully before turning to Jack. “I’m going to figure out how to get you out of this. This isn’t the only way.”

Jack looks at him with doleful eyes. “It is.”

Cas resists the urge to stomp his feet like a petulant child. “I’ll make a new one, then. You’re not going to die while I’m around to do something about it.”

Jack bites his lip, and Cas is sure he wants to say something, but Cas doesn’t particularly want to hear it. He turns and walks out of the room, drifting to the library to start researching, and he’s surprised when he comes across Dean. 

“I thought you’d be in bed.”

Dean grunts, hefting a whiskey bottle in his hand. “Couldn’t sleep. Where’s Jack?”

“In his room. Dean, I have to tell you something, in case I don’t make it back.”

“Don’t make it back? What are you talking about?”

The story comes pouring out, about what Jack told him and how Cas can’t let that happen.

“Cas, we’ll figure this out together. You don’t have to do everything alone, you know.”

Dean points at the chair next to him. “Sit down, okay? We’ll think of something, but you just got back. Everything will still be here in the morning.”

Cas hesitates. He doesn’t particularly want to waste any more time, but he could do with calming down before he starts looking over the lore, anyway. He’s liable to miss something with the way his mind is buzzing right now. He sits. 

“So, how’d your case go?” Dean asks, and Cas takes a deep breath, letting himself bask in the normalcy for a moment. 

“You know, I have to say the one of the men I met bore a remarkable resemblance to your Dr. Sexy.”

“Did you hit on him for me?”

Cas squints. “No?”

“Probably for the best. It’s not Dr. Sexy without cowboy boots, anyway.”

“Of course.” Cas shrugs. “It was fine. We stopped the murders, so that’s what’s imporant, right? How was seeing Amara, really? Not just the abridged version you gave me on the phone.”

“Mm. It was okay. What is it with cosmic entities and food? She wanted perogies.”

Cas taps his finger on his chin. “I could do with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

“You trying to remind me I have my very own cosmic entity right here?”

“Something like that.”

Dean shoves at him, his eyes crinkling at the corner like Cas loves to look at. It’s the way Dean looks in the picture Cas keeps in his wallet, and he has the urge to capture this moment, too. He knows Dean’s working up to something, though, so he stays still. 

“She told me… she wanted me to finally start to accept my life.”

Cas hums.

“That now is always better than then.”

Dean looks down between them and Cas follows his gaze. Cas twines his fingers with Dean’s, and Dean strokes his thumb over Cas’s hand. 

“You know what? I think she’s right.”

tag list- let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

@that-one-fandom-chick @youcancallmeanet @no-frigging-idea @nineteensevetyfour @1stborneve @spooky-things-do-happen-dean @i-know-like-four-things @darcydelaney @destiel-is--real @realrookie1012 @nickelkit @urbankat82

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

hey buddies -

just sitting at my kitchen table drinking coffee thinking about Supernatural, and fathers and anger, and angels and love.  

yeah.  it’s Saturday, I guess.

my eagworms are back, so come think with me after the cut!!

so I'm thinking about how that terrible man Randy who manipulated Claire Novak, a narrative mirror for Dean Winchester, in SPN 10x09: The Things We Left Behind was a narrative mirror for J*hn Eric Winchester, the terrible man who manipulated Dean Winchester for the entirety of his childhood and young adult life

and all Cas wanted to do was make Claire see that Randy was just using her, and she was better than that because he fucking loved her

also thinking about how Dean Winchester was the one who killed Randy

thinking about how it wasn’t as much the Mark of Cain as it was his repressed feelings about his abusive damn father that he’s never dealt with (because he thought he deserved it), and he reacted in a murderous fucking rage because of that, because he saw J*hn in Randy and himself in Claire -

now thinking about the Mark of Cain and Dean’s tendency towards anger, stemming directly from his childhood with J*hn Eric Winchester, thinking about how J*hn used him as a weapon, how J*hn’s entire purpose after Mary’s death was his quest for vengeance, how Dean had to protect Sam from him over and over, despite his father mentally pitting them against each other constantly and manipulating them

ex: 1x22:Dead Man’s Blood

thinking about Cain who took on the Mark of Cain to save his brother Abel, to protect his brother Abel and send him to heaven,  despite it turning Cain into a killer and demon -

thinking about how that story was manipulated through time and turned into a story of Cain killing Abel instead

thinking about how Cain and Abel were Dean and Sam’s ancestors - 

(all hail King Matt Cohen)

how Cain became the father of murder

thinking about how Cain was the son of Adam

thinking about how when we meet Adam, Cain’s father, in 15x17:Unity,  he says all this about Chuck/God:

ADAM

God's "first story," yeah. Jumped through every hoop, talked to every snake. When he kicked us out of paradise, Eve and me, we figured, eh, we deserved it. Then he moved on... to our sons.

...

JACK

You hate him.

ADAM

Oh, no. I've been wanting this for going on 300,000 years. Took me that long to figure out how to do it, too.

JACK

Wait-- killing God is your plan?

**now thinking about Adam’s 300,000 year quest for vengeance on Chuck. but how Adam doesn’t hate Chuck. how there’s no rage in Adam. thinking about why.

NOW THINKING ABOUT HOW LUCIFER WAS THE FIRST BEARER OF THE MARK OF CAIN

HOW CHUCK TOLD LUCIFER HE WAS HIS FAVORITE 

AND THE MARK WAS GIVEN TO HIM BY HIS FATHER WHO USED HIM AS A WEAPON TO IMPRISON AMARA

AND THEN LOCKED HIM UP IN A CAGE WHEN THE MARK CORRUPTED HIM,

MANIPULATING THE STORY SO EVERYONE BELIEVED LUCIFER WAS JUST EVIL 

11x18: Hells Angel

CAS!IFER [smirking]:

It's marketing. He's creating a need in the consumer's mind. Can't be a Super Savior if you don't have a Super Villain.

 ***

thinking about how Lucifer didn’t want to fight Michael in 5x22: Swan Song

LUCIFER/SAM

So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point. MICHAEL/ADAM

What's your point? LUCIFER/SAM

We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard. MICHAEL/ADAM

I'm sorry. I-I can't do that. I'm a good son, and I have my orders. 

***thinking about how Chuck manipulated the two brothers into fighting each other

***DAMMIT NOW THINKING ABOUT AU!MICHAEL AND HOW HE SPENT THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 14 ASKING THIS QUESTION:

“What do you want?”

***thinking about how angels aren’t supposed to understand how to feel, how to love.  So Lucifer and Michael didn’t understand how to feel, how to love. 

***NOW thinking about how Adam wasn’t vengeful despite wanting to kill Chuck for 300,000 years.  thinking about how Adam had an angel lover named Serafina that entire time. 

JACK (to Dean)

She's an angel.

ADAM

Yeah, she's my old lady. She's the only one who could put up with me all these years, huh?

***REALLY thinking now about how Adam had an angel lover who kept him from going vengeful and murderous, and they just lived happily in love for 300,000 casually plotting to kill God as a side hobby***

NOW thinking about how Cain stopped killing when he met Collette (I won’t go into how she was basically Cain’s angel lover and the Cas/Collette parallel because you should know it by now, and there’s plenty of material out there if you don’t)

****thinking about how our crack-in-his-chassis angel Cas loved Dean. he wasn’t supposed to love, but he did anyway.

how he kept Dean sane for years and years like Seraphina kept Adam sane, how he was Dean’s Collette, how he helped cure him when he was a Demon, how he was the only reason This Dean and This Sam didn’t kill each other in this particular one of Chuck’s worlds, how he pulled Michael out of Dean when Michael eradicated all of Dean’s hope and trapped him -

thinking about how Dean showed Cas how to love because Dean Is Love.

thinking about how Cas loved.

thinking about how his actual confession of love led to this:

Just like Seraphina’s love kept Adam from vengeance, how Collette’s love kept Cain from murder.

THINKING ABOUT how Lucifer didn’t know how to love.  how he wanted to take Jack because he was his son.  how he wanted to be a dad.  how he wanted love.

thinking about Mi!Dam. 

thinking about specifically about “Since when do we get what we deserve?”

thinking about how the Lucifer/Michael fight happened ONLY AFTER CHUCK DISAPPEARED EVERYONE, INCLUDING ADAM - 

thinking about how it was only then that Lucifer and Michael carried  out the story charted for them by their abusive father - because they didn’t have love, Lucifer never having it to begin with and Michael no longer having Adam, the closest thing he would have had to love.  

so yeah, just thinking about that. 

Supernatural Is A Show.  A Show About Love. 

(and daddy issues)

[ywhiterain]

More on Dean’s mock execution of Sam

The interesting - for a given value of the word I suppose - for the Dean attempting to murder/mock execution of Sam (pick your poison on how to interpret that) was how the emotional beats were framed.

It wasn’t about Dean’s choices leading up to this moment. It wasn’t really about Sam and Dean’s willingness to break the rules of reality for each other. It wasn’t even all that much about saving people from Dean’s killer mark.

It was about how Sam and Dean have Become Evil And Need To Be Taken Out For The Good of The World. Sam made a valiant effort to defend his choices as something other than pure evil, but Dean’s murdering gaze eventually changed the focus to Dean and his goodness.

Sam defends himself with one punch and then hyper focuses on Dean and Dean’s Issues. Sam ignores his well being and safety. Sam is beaten bloody by his brother again. Sam submits to Dean’s choice to kill him. His last desperate plea were photographs, the memories of Mary and Sam. He wanted Dean to have this pictures in the future. So that Dean would have hope that he could become good again.

It works. Dean’s choice to kill Death instead of Sam was ambiguous. We don’t know when. It’s obvious that Sam’s plea to Dean - that the real Dean was nothing but good and that the love Dean had for his family would someday save him even if Sam couldn’t at the moment - err,.. worked. Sort of. Look, he didn’t kill Sam and ended up swinging at Death. Dean was surprised - that he did it? that the weapon actually killed Death? Who can say. It was ambiguous on purpose.

The emotional beats weren’t about supernatural killing marks and saving the world because that’s never what genre stories are really about. No. The real point was about an abusive relationship hitting its most lethal point. Sam gives up on defending himself and closes eyes to be murdered by the man he made a commitment to in a church (and we were reminded of that).

Before we get to this point, Dean presses the point about Sam being evil. Dean also accepted he was evil, so he didn’t push on that point again. He threw Sam’s choices and twisted them into mistakes (sorry! I don’t think Sam was obligated to finish the trails at the expense of his life, it wasn’t a mistake to stop them). He twisted Sam’s words and motives into something evil and twisted and dark. Twisted and dark enough so that Sam deserves to die. Deserves to die on his knees. By his brother.

This is basically just an abusive relationship on display.

And, then, when the mark is gone, Dean demands the keys to the Impala back. A nod to who has the power in the relationship.

The last point I want to make is about Amara. The Big World Ending Consequences Sam Is At Fault For Causing to Get Rid Of the Mark. Yeah. The solution to that was Amara getting to have a heart to heart with Chuck. We find out she didn’t deserve to be locked away. Setting her free ended up being a good thing (until Chuck fucked it up).

I don’t think I’m reading against the text here - I do think Dean was being written as an unrepentant abuser at this point. After I end the rewatch, I might put together all my thoughts about authorial intent and impact each show runner had on the narrative as a whole. 

[prairiedust]

Gimme Shelter livewatch under the cut.... I was on my phone when I wrote it so apologies for the typos

“Patchwork Community Center: Care Given to All” with a huge, lurid heart. Hmmm.... patchwork having two meanings here.....

Pastor (?) has 2 Timothy 2:22 tattooed on his arm! “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (NIV) Are we looking at growth and found family in this episode?!?

Oh that’s the alleyway!

Hitting mythology themes— Connor is an Anglicized version of an Irish name— Conchobar mac Nessa is maybe the most famous bearer of the name, from Irish mythology— he’s the king who lusted after Deirdre and had her locked up until she came of age, which is probably neither here nor there as far as this poor Connor is concerned...

That thing has a big lurid heart on his overalls better run lol— Oh shit it’s an evil Teddy Ruxpin!!!! Thanks Davy Perez!!!!

That’s the thing animal control uses to manage aggressive animals??? Is this saying something about the Patchwork people?

And that’s it for the cold open.

——

The uh, the mcfuckin what, the Camelot Palace Casino? Is this a tour of the legends of Ireland and Britain all of a sudden? What’s with hitting this theme so hard so fast?

Uh-oh the whole Highway to Heaven reference has me side-eyeing Dean’s suggestion for Cas snd Jack to leave the bunker... Dabb even “spoiled” that line in a tweet lol... in that show the cop and the angel got their (vague) assignments from the big guy.......

Oh SHIT “we’re standing in what I call ‘the trap zone’” Perez is coming for my whole life with this episode!!!! And they’re doing highkey “season one totally-normal Winchester investigation questions script” I love it!!!!

“Slasher flick” Oh we’re revisiting Mint Condition. This is fine.

AND TOMBSTONE THIS IS NOT FINE DAVY! We’re running the good times backwards what did I say about this being the flipside of Last Holiday!

H2H again but this time it’s sus... plus I’m with Zack, I totally want the cozy murder spinoff I imagined Adam and Michael doing plz

Oh the Cas and Jack dynamic here is so sweet.

Pastor just leaving his door open like there’s no such thing as a thief bless his heart. They must be torn up about Connor but Pastor was the last one to talk to him so he’s sus I don’t make the rules.

Oh no Red’s a THIEF!!! Who ever would have guessed. Okay I did NOT expect that jumpscare because of the way Connor’s murder primed me, that was masterfully done.

That’s vaguely an Ohio Star quilt square on the sign behind her except um I forget what that tilted square in the center turns it into? It’s chiming with something... I’ll have to look that up later.

“Divide and conquer” no never split up in a slasher movie that’s how you get murders use the buddy system!

Gonna stop a sec because I just realized that Zack is two-faced. The British dandy was an act. The killer is wearing a Cinderella mask. Ok I’m gonna make a prediction that Zack is actually the killer, a la the demon in Repo Man...

Okay there was definitely a beat after Dean said “Glad soneone’s taking charge” [ofHell] and the focus shifted to Sam. Hm.

“We’ve got to set her up for her own death” so meta, these writers are gonna shred us.

I love being shown how much Castiel has changed throughe Jack not understanding the Kool-Aid reference. And the cats line lol. That’s both amazing and poignant.

That’s a log cabin pattern in the cafeteria. Home. Makes me think back on other quilts we’ve seen this season and if “weaving” is the right metaphor for writing lol. I mean, the action of “patching” is synonymous with “mending” or even healing, but patchwork is also a craft with a long, long history in America (idk if quiltmaking is called patchwork everywhere) of taking a few often mismatched fabrics and cutting and sewing into something beautiful. There are generally two kinds of quilt tops— patterns, like we’ve seen so far in this season, which are carefully planned and involve precise measurements, and “crazy quilts” which also require skill but are often more freeform and piecemeal. But both aspire to be beautiful. That’s an interesting way to conceptualize a serial text... as both creating and mending....

That prayer was sweet and not at all what I was expecting.

I get the finger-cutting for Valerie (stealing=sticky fingers) but not for Connor? Tenuous connection still betw lying and writing? It’s evocative of Se7en but the killer seems to have the same MO for all the killings (I attended CSI for a while.)

Snow White is making me uneasy. Oh she’s the preacher’s daughter... we’ve seen that in early days, too.... oh.... oh....

It’s not the AV guy despite having seen all the AV equipment around Valerie. That’s too easy.

“A saint is a sinner who keeps trying-“ no scroll back, the important part was “we all have to take care of each other.” That’s a theme in the series.

She’s all in pink....

dean and amara on the same wavelength about food lol

Ha ha inversion of “oh you’re a fan of religion? name all seven gods then.”

Castiel’s testimony just wrecked me.

“Members serve the gift of food” hmmm the signs in this episode are tip-top

Gonna just watch for a while.

Oh crap “each is a finger” oh it’s about the sins of the father— No Cas no, you’ve fallen for the misdirection!

Oh okay good, Chuck’s not done snuffing worlds. That had me REALLY WORKED UP ha ha because Amara has no reason to lie right?

That was a really good conversation.... and implying that Former Death bent the truth...

Oh fuck I’m gonna cry “I wanted younto see that your mother was just a person” YES! DISMANTLE THIS MYTHOLOGY AMARA!!! Name it!

THE MYTH THAT YOU’D HELD ON TO FOR SO LONG did they just— THEY DID

rigging the game— ftfoh with the casino metaphors already we know the house always wins except when it doesn’t

Lying, lying, lying,

Do we even know Snow White’s name yet? And why was Connor a liar? Because I think we can make a guess at this point.... ah ha ha her name is sylvia— “forest spirit” she’s Mrs Butters— and she’s after hypocrites— but the killing isn’t supernatural, just churchy?

Oh shit SHE IS A DEAN MIRROR IF SHE STABS JACK I’LL FLIP A DAMN TABLE

....

....

prairiedust.exe has encountered an error and must be restarted

....

....

Okay so “Dad” steps in and stops Sylvia’s attack on Jack...

Why is that Zack? What????

“I’ve been lying to you” oh here we go

Oh it would be death #3, remember what Dabb said about threes a long time ago, two attempts that are unsuccessful and one that satisfies the parameters— but no he’s a jack :((((

I have to stop watching for a while.

Okay I finished it. Holy cats do I have some Thoughts about this episode.

What I loved: Revisiting Dean’s anger, BUT the parental mirror here (in retrospect, at least for me) was a John mirror-- all the mothers (exc for Rowena) in this episode are dead. And Pastor Joe didn’t apparently embrace his wife’s faith until she had died, and then his vision was radically different than his wife’s was-- much like John’s reasons for becoming a hunter were vastly different from Mary’s... but much like “patching” this subtext was possibly even more “healing” than having John back in the 300th ep... This was... looking at a child’s anger when they’re in the middle of their own family mythology. Am I implying that Dean’s anger is immaturity? Eh, it’s... unripeness. I have an old meta in my drafts about the heroine’s journey and why Mary’s story conformed to it while feeling totally unfulfilling in her actual character arc and I’m so glad I sat down and examined that rather than finish it. I have a lot I want to say about Cas’ testimony too, but that has to sit a while. ALSO also, Cas has already thrown away his shot by making the Empty deal, right?....

LANGUAGE! Cas saying “I found myself lost” is a bonkers sentence, right? It’s like when people say someone “turned up missing”-- AND it does not have the same meaning as “I realized I was lost”-- you get a double whammy of the connotation “to search for.” I loved loved loved how language was such a big deal in Last Holiday and then again here, I need to rewatch while paying closer attention to Sylvia and things she says... but these two were sister episodes in so many ways, that when I said there was a “lack of narrative mirrors” in Last Holiday, that’s only because the lens for that kind of reading is Gimme Shelter. That is not the first time spn has played with a “coin” or paired structure-- I think the first time I noticed it was Fan Fiction/Ask Jeeves but I was a transfer student from another fandom at the time lol. But of course, we get a huge truth bomb at the end of the episode, and again that splashy cymbal all over lying...

What I got wrong-- Zack wasn’t the killer but he’s fishy as hell-- he stole Sylvia! Is this part of Rowena’s ��people generally end up where they deserve to be” except she’s built in an express lane? “Do you need a driver” is that his actual job now? Taking unripe souls to Hell Orientation? What’s up with him being there... the other shoe did not drop. So there is a third episode out there somewhere where this might get wrapped up? The conversation between Dean and Cas can easily be something that happens offscreen, and I don’t think that it would be the first time we miss an “important” conversation, especially since we know roughly what will be said and how it will wrap up-- it’s an “open text” of a sort. Maybe a fanfiction gap lol, I can’t wait for the codas.

Also, the fingers thing being Sylvia’s father’s favorite analogy is where she got her MO, something that I definitely didn’t see, although it fits right in with her father’s slightly pithy character. I think it’s interesting again how we’re playing with threes and fours. Three fingers got cut off but it was apparent that Valerie (valorious one) wouldn’t die until finger #4.... Jack really seems to be our last hope.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Curious Case of Dean Winchester: Part Three

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,258

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

In order to find out where Patrick keeps his chip stash, you needed to stake him out to determine when the best time to strike was. He was currently waiting outside of a bar, checking his watch every two seconds before finally walking onto the road. There was a car that was speeding towards him, and before he could react, the car slammed into his body. The driver freaked out, got out, checked on Patrick, and ran to a construction crew to get help. It didn’t look like Patrick couldn’t have survived the impact at all. However, another car passed by the scene, and Patrick was gone from the ground and into the car perfectly healed up.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath. Patrick drove the car passed the confused man and the construction workers, honked his horn, and sped off.

“I got to say, I kind of like the guy,” Dean laughed.

“Just drive,” you sighed at the younger brother.

Sam followed your instructions and kept Patrick’s car in sight at all times. Patrick went home, and you knew this is where his chips were going to be. It was a while since he left again, but when the coast was clear, you all got out and headed inside. Opening the door, your eyes landed on the note taped to the elevator doors which meant that the stairs were the only way to get to Patrick’s apartment.

“Well, I'm out.”

“I can use my magic, if you want. It might be a bit bumpy, but it works,” you offered.

“No, go without me. I’ll just slow you down.”

“Stay safe,” you whispered and kissed his head.

Your father nodded just as you and the two men left. Due to your more limber bodies, you and Sam moved up the stairs quickly with Dean lagging behind. He was out of breath, leaning against the railing, and rolling his eyes whenever he saw how far you and Sam were.

“Dean,” Sam said when he stopped on the second-floor landing.

The much older brother looked up and Sam pointed to the sign that informed people that it was only the second floor. He smirked lightly before continuing, and you walked on without a second glance at dean. He deserved this for what he did. Dean sighed, glared at the sign, and then continued with a determined look. Patrick loved on the third floor, so it didn’t take long to get to the room. You and Sam worked on picking the lock just in time for Dean to join you two. He was panting loudly as he limped over to you.

“I hate this,” he whispered when Sam got the door open.

The three of you headed inside and you quickly took a hard right to search one of the rooms while Sam and Dean went into another room. This was going to take all day, but luckily, you had another idea on how to find some poker chips. Your hands moved around each other just as a buildup of blue magic swirled between them. When there was enough magic, you let it loose around the room as it searched for you. If it got a match, it would hover over the spot.

The magic searched the entire room, but you weren’t getting anything. Just when you were about to lose hope, Dean called you and his brother into the room he was in. Your magic dissolved as you left, meeting Dean in front of a safe that was hidden behind some normal items.

“Dime-store model. Piece of cake,” Dean grinned.

He turned the dial, but he squinted his eyes because he couldn’t see the numbers. He leaned further and closer to it just in case it would help, but it didn’t seem to be working.

“It's like Mission: Pathetic. Watch out,” you scoffed, shoving Dean to the side.

You flicked a wisp of magic at the dial which unlocked it for you. The dial turned to the correct numbers before bouncing open.

“I could have done that,” Dean pouted.

“Yeah, right,” you shook your head.

Sam leaned in to grab handfuls of chips when you heard a throat clear from behind you.

“What are you doing?” a woman asked.

All three of you turned around to see a blonde woman standing there with a not-so-amused looking face.

“Aren't you the chick from the bar?” Dean asked, squinting at her.

“I'm a lot more than that,” she commented, throwing up a hand and closing it into a fist.

Sam and Dean double over in pain, but it was like her magic only affected them and not you. Probably had something to do with Amara and her magic running through your veins.

“What the hell are you doing to them?” you asked just as Patrick rushed into the room.

He put a hand on her arm to halt her movements.

“It's alright, Lia. It's alright. They're harmless,” he assured her.

She put down her arm, and Sam and Dean were fine just like that.

“Why didn’t it work on her?” Lia asked herself in confusion.

“You folks want chips? Take 'em. They're just chips, Einsteins. It's showmanship. This may come as a shock, but the magic does not lie in a pile of crappy plywood or in any phony abracadabra. It's in the nine-hundred-year-old witch. You folks want years? Score 'em the old-fashioned way. Texas hold 'em,” Patrick spoke as he chewed on his toothpick.

“Fine. Let’s do it,” Dean nodded.

Patrick pulled out a card from his jacket pocket and held it up to face Dean. It was the eight of hearts.

“What card am I holding?” he asked. Dean squinted but looked away in shame. “That’s what I thought. If your eyesight's that bad, what about your memory? I'm not a murderer. You, on the other hand…”

“No, Sam,” Dean sighed, already knowing where this was going.

“What, Sam not much of a player? What about you, darling?” Patrick asked when he looked at you. After none of you said a thing, he just smiled. “Okay, well, happy trails, Dean. Enjoy the twilight of your life. Should have taken better care of that ticker, though. You’re free to go.”

“Come on, Sam,” Dean sighed, leaving through the door that Patrick opened. You and Sam both followed, but Patrick stopped the taller Winchester at the door.

“Oh, but, Sam… your brother's situation—that's punishment enough, but I can't let you leave without a small parting gift,” he winked as he clapped three times.

“What the hell are you doing?” you asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

“Let's get out of here, Sam and Y/N,” Dean said.

“You wonder why your magic doesn’t work on me?” you said to Lia as the brothers left your side. “I’m a much more powerful witch than you thought. Don’t take it personal, it’s not just your magic that doesn’t work. It’s everyone’s.”

“Have a good day,” Patrick smiled as he closed the door.

Sighing, you left the apartment building and headed over to the three men waiting for you. Grabbing the handles of your father’s wheelchair, you wheeled him up the incline on your walk back to the motel room.

“You know, I still think I should play,” Sam started.

“No, no, no. You're not good enough. I'm better. Bobby's way better. We both lost,” Dean argued.

“Exactly.”

“So, what? So, I don't get a say in this anymore?”

“Sammy, when you get to be our age—”

“You're thirty, Dean! Look, I've watched you hustle plenty of poker—”

“Knowing the game is not enough, Sam. It's not about playing the cards.”

“It's about playing the other guy. I know that.”

“Well, hooray for you. All I'm saying is, I played this guy. I know his style. I can take him.”

“What about me?” you asked after you gave it some thought. The older men looked at you in silence.

“You’re not going in there,” Dean said.

“Come on. How many times have I beat you? Have I beat my dad? I can win. You don’t get as good as I am by not playing you. I learned a few things.”

“No, look, no one is playing him. We have to come up with something else. Plus, Bobby, you don’t have enough years in the bank.”

“I got enough.”

“You’ll die if you lose, dad.”

“So, what if I do, huh? What exactly am I living for, huh? The damn apocalypse? Watching men die bloody while I sit in this chair, can't take a step to help 'em?”

“Dad,” you whispered.

“No, no. It's the facts. I'm old... and broke down... and I can't...” he took a moment to breathe before speaking again. “I ain't a hunter no more. I'm useless. And if I wasn't such a coward, I'd have stuck a gun in my mouth day I got home from the hospital.”

You didn’t know the tears were rolling down your cheeks until you tasted the salt. It hurt you a lot to hear him say this.

“Bobby, you are not playing again. I'm not letting you do that. There's another way out of this. There's got to be, and I'm gonna find it,” Sam declared as he walked off. Dean noticed how sad you got after your father’s confession, and your dad saw it too.

“Y/N—”

“No, Dean!” you exclaimed, leaving their side. It was a nice day to take a walk, to take a break from all of this emotion and drama.

You didn’t know where you were going, but it felt nice to be away from the men for a while. You were able to think about what was going on without anyone else’s input. Your tears had dried on your cheeks, making the skin a bit tighter than usual. It was getting late, so you started to head back to the motel when your phone rang. Seeing it was Dean, you answered it immediately.

“What?”

“You still want to play?” Dean asked.

“Really? You’re going to let me?”

“We have a plan, and we need your help.”

“Tell me what I need to do,” you agreed.

After Dean told you all that you needed to know, you took a U-turn and headed to the bar you knew Patrick would be at. After taking the elevator ride down, you saw him with a man at a table. By the look on Patrick’s face, he was going to win and potentially kill this older man. Patrick chewed on a toothpick, and you eyed it before approaching the table.

“Hesh here is gonna live to see his granddaughter's bat mitzvah. Isn't that right, Hesh?” Patrick grinned as the older man got up

“Thanks again, Patrick,” the old man smiled as he left with the years he’s gained.

“Shalom, my friend. Shalom,” Patrick smiled.

“That was nice of you,” you commented as you sat down in front of him.

“I'm a nice guy. What can I do you for?”

“Deal,” you motioned to the cards.

“Where’s Sam?”

“You don’t get him, you get me. Now deal,” you crossed your arms just as Patrick smirked.

After Patrick dealt the cards, and you were well into the game, you kept eyeing the toothpick in his mouth. He has a glass of whiskey on the table, two cards in his hand, and several stacks of chips in front of him. Several chips are piled in the middle of the table next to the four of diamonds, a red court card, a black seven, the three of hearts, and a black two. Patrick takes out his toothpick to talk to you.

“I like you, Y/N. I do. You're smart, and your heart's clearly in the right place,” he said and placed his toothpick down next to his glass and picked that up to drink it. Looking at the toothpick, you clenched your jaw before looking at him in the eyes.

“I can tell a lot about a person by looking.”

“You mean you’re psychic.”

“No. That'd be cheating. I'm talking about good old-fashioned intuition.”

“Let’s just play.”

“We are playing,” he smiled, placing his glass down by the toothpick. “Does your boyfriend know you’re here?”

“Bet five,” you changed the subject and placed five chips on the pile.

“Didn’t think so,” he chuckled, and placed a stack of five chips on another stack of five and placed that on the growing pile. “I raise. Here you are, right? Trying to clean up their mess, and they still want to sit you at the kiddie table.”

“I can handle myself just fine,” you spoke lowly.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re some big-time witch. You think you can go off and make big girl decisions, fine. But just know I’m still gonna kick your ass into the nursing home.”

“Does this armchair-psychology routine usually work for you?”

“You tell me,” he laughed. “You’re the one who’s losing.”

Patrick chewed on the end of his toothpick as he shuffled the deck of cards. His pile of chips is a lot bigger than yours, but you knew what you were doing. No magic tricks, no cheating, just intuition and skill. You were going to win this thing. As your pile decreased, Lila walked in and approached Patrick. He places his toothpick down next to his glass just as she leaned down and kissed him. Rolling your eyes, you leaned back and crossed your arms.

“Little break?” Patrick asked with a wink once Lila pulled away.

“Take your time,” you smiled.

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YA Books You May Have Missed: April-June Edition

I did this for January-March releases (which you can see here) and I’m doing it again! I’m rounding up some YA releases that have come out between April and June. These are all books that are on my personal radar, so it’s not a fully filled out list of ALL the books, but it’s a lot of them. And as usual, I’m avoiding bestsellers and really buzzy books as much as possible.

We Rule the Night by Claire Eliza Bartlett Release: April 2

Seventeen-year-old Revna is a factory worker, manufacturing war machines for the Union of the North. When she’s caught using illegal magic, she fears being branded a traitor and imprisoned. Meanwhile, on the front lines, Linné defied her father, a Union general, and disguised herself as a boy to join the army. They’re both offered a reprieve from punishment if they use their magic in a special women’s military flight unit and undertake terrifying, deadly missions under cover of darkness. Revna and Linné can hardly stand to be in the same cockpit, but if they can’t fly together, and if they can’t find a way to fly well, the enemy’s superior firepower will destroy them–if they don’t destroy each other first.

You’d Be Mine by Erin Hahn Release: April 2

Annie Mathers is America’s sweetheart and heir to a country music legacy full of all the things her Gran warned her about. Superstar Clay Coolidge is most definitely going to end up one of those things. But unfortunately for Clay, if he can’t convince Annie to join his summer tour, his music label is going to drop him. That’s what happens when your bad boy image turns into bad boy reality. Annie has been avoiding the spotlight after her parents’ tragic death, except on her skyrocketing YouTube channel. Clay’s label wants to land Annie, and Clay has to make it happen. Swayed by Clay’s undeniable charm and good looks, Annie and her band agree to join the tour. From the start fans want them to be more than just tour mates, and Annie and Clay can’t help but wonder if the fans are right. But if there’s one part of fame Annie wants nothing to do with, it’s a high-profile relationship.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He Release: April 2

Princess Hesina of Yan has always been eager to shirk the responsibilities of the crown, but when her beloved father is murdered, she’s thrust into power, suddenly the queen of an unstable kingdom. Determined to find her father’s killer, Hesina does something desperate: she engages the aid of a soothsayer—a treasonous act, punishable by death... because in Yan, magic was outlawed centuries ago. Using the information illicitly provided by the sooth, and uncertain if she can trust even her family, Hesina turns to Akira—a brilliant investigator who’s also a convicted criminal with secrets of his own. With the future of her kingdom at stake, can Hesina find justice for her father? Or will the cost be too high?

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman Release: April 2

Uprooted from the city, Violet Saunders doesn’t have much hope of fitting in at her new school in Four Paths, a town almost buried in the woodlands of rural New York. The fact that she’s descended from one of the town’s founders doesn’t help much, either—her new neighbors treat her with distant respect, and something very like fear. When she meets Justin, May, Isaac, and Harper, all children of founder families, and sees the otherworldly destruction they can wreak, she starts to wonder if the townsfolk are right to be afraid. When bodies start to appear in the woods, the locals become downright hostile. Can the teenagers solve the mystery of Four Paths, and their own part in it, before another calamity strikes?

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston Release: April 2

Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: save her favorite character, Princess Amara, from being killed off from her favorite franchise, Starfield. The problem is, Jessica Stone—the actress who plays Princess Amara—wants nothing more than to leave the intense scrutiny of the fandom behind. If this year's ExcelsiCon isn't her last, she'll consider her career derailed. When a case of mistaken identity throws look-a-likes Imogen and Jess together, they quickly become enemies. But when the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, and all signs point to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. That's easier said than done when the girls step into each other's shoes and discover new romantic possibilities, as well as the other side of intense fandom.

White Rose by Kip Wilson Release: April 2

Disillusioned by the propaganda of Nazi Germany, Sophie Scholl, her brother, and his fellow soldiers formed the White Rose, a group that wrote and distributed anonymous letters criticizing the Nazi regime and calling for action from their fellow German citizens. The following year, Sophie and her brother were arrested for treason and interrogated for information about their collaborators.

In the Neighborhood of True by Susan Kaplan Carlton Release: April 9

After her father’s death, Ruth Robb and her family transplant themselves in the summer of 1958 from New York City to Atlanta—the land of debutantes, sweet tea, and the Ku Klux Klan. In her new hometown, Ruth quickly figures out she can be Jewish or she can be popular, but she can’t be both. Eager to fit in with the blond girls in the “pastel posse,” Ruth decides to hide her religion. Before she knows it, she is falling for the handsome and charming Davis and sipping Cokes with him and his friends at the all-white, all-Christian Club. But at temple Ruth meets Max, who is serious and intense about the fight for social justice, and now she is caught between two worlds, two religions, and two boys. But when a violent hate crime brings the different parts of Ruth’s life into sharp conflict, she will have to choose between all she’s come to love about her new life and standing up for what she believes.

In the Key of Nira Ghani by Natasha Deen Release: April 9

Nira Ghani has always dreamed of becoming a musician. Her Guyanese parents, however, have big plans for her to become a scientist or doctor. Nira's grandmother and her best friend, Emily, are the only people who seem to truly understand her desire to establish an identity outside of the one imposed on Nira by her parents. When auditions for jazz band are announced, Nira realizes it's now or never to convince her parents that she deserves a chance to pursue her passion. As if fighting with her parents weren't bad enough, Nira finds herself navigating a new friendship dynamic when her crush, Noah, and notorious mean-girl, McKenzie "Mac," take a sudden interest in her and Emily, inserting themselves into the fold. So, too, does Nira's much cooler (and very competitive) cousin Farah. As Farah and Noah grow closer and Emily begins to pull away, Nira's trusted trumpet "George" remains her constant, offering her an escape from family and school drama. But it isn't until Nira takes a step back that she realizes she's not the only one struggling to find her place in the world.

Last Girl Lied To by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn Release: April 16

Fiona claims she doesn’t remember anything about the night her best friend left a party early and walked into the ocean. But the truth is, she wishes she could forget. Trixie’s disappearance is ruled a suicide, but Fiona starts to believe that Trixie isn’t really dead. Piecing together the trail of a girl who doesn't want to be found leads her to Jasper, Trixie’s former friend with benefits, and Beau—the boy who turned Fiona down, who loved someone else, who might be happy Trixie is gone. The closer Fiona gets to finding out what happened, and the closer she gets to Jasper and Beau, the more she realizes that the girl she knew better than anyone may have been a carefully constructed lie—and she might have been waiting to disappear the entire time.

The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala Release: April 23

Esha is a legend, but no one knows. It’s only in the shadows that she moonlights as the Viper, the rebels’ highly skilled assassin. She’s devoted her life to avenging what she lost in the royal coup, and now she’s been tasked with her most important mission to date: taking down the ruthless General Hotha. Kunal has been a soldier since childhood, training morning and night to uphold the power of King Vardaan. His uncle, the general, has ensured that Kunal never strays from the path—even as a part of Kunal longs to join the outside world, which has been growing only more volatile. Then Esha’s and Kunal’s paths cross—and an unimaginable chain of events unfolds. Both the Viper and the soldier think they’re calling the shots, but they’re not the only players moving the pieces. As the bonds that hold their land in order break down and the sins of the past meet the promise of a new future, both rebel and soldier must make unforgivable choices.

Love From A to Z by S.K. Ali Release: April 30

Zayneb, the only Muslim in class, isn’t bad. She’s angry. When she gets suspended for confronting her teacher, and he begins investigating her activist friends, Zayneb heads to her aunt’s house in Doha, Qatar, for an early start to spring break. Fueled by the guilt of getting her friends in trouble, she resolves to try out a newer, “nicer” version of herself in a place where no one knows her. Then her path crosses with Adam’s. Since he got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in November, Adam’s stopped going to classes, intent, instead, on perfecting the making of things. Intent on keeping the memory of his mom alive for his little sister. Adam’s also intent on keeping his diagnosis a secret from his grieving father. Alone, Adam and Zayneb are playing roles for others, keeping their real thoughts locked away in their journals. Until a marvel and an oddity occurs…

Belly Up by Eva Darrows Release: April 30

I’d planned to spend senior year with my bestie-slash-wifey, Devi Abrams, graduating at the top of my class and getting into an Ivy League college. Instead, Mom and I are moving in with my battle-ax of a grandmother and I’m about to start a new school and a whole new life. Know what’s more fun than being the new girl for your senior year? Being the pregnant new girl. It isn’t awesome. There is one upside, though—a boy named Leaf Leon. He’s cute, an amazing cook and he’s flirting me up, hard-core. Too bad I’m knocked up with a stranger’s baby. I should probably mention that to him at some point.

The Lovely and the Lost by Jennifer Lynn Barnes Release: May 7

Kira Bennett’s earliest memories are of living alone and wild in the woods. She remembers the moment that Cady Bennett and one of her search-and-rescue dogs found her perfectly. Adopted into the Bennett family, Kira still struggles with human interaction years later, but she excels at the family business: search-and-rescue. Along with Cady’s son, Jude, and their neighbor, Free, Kira works to train the world’s most elite search-and-rescue dogs. Someday, all three teenagers hope to put their skills to use, finding the lost and bringing them home. But when Cady’s estranged father, the enigmatic Bales Bennett, tracks his daughter down and asks for her help in locating a missing child—one of several visitors who has disappeared in the Sierra Glades National Park in the past twelve months—the teens find themselves on the frontlines sooner than they could have ever expected. As the search through 750,000 acres of unbridled wilderness intensifies, Kira becomes obsessed with finding the missing child. She knows all too well what it’s like to be lost in the wilderness, fighting for survival, alone. But this case isn’t simple. There is more afoot than a single, missing girl, and Kira’s memories threaten to overwhelm her at every turn. As the danger mounts and long-held family secrets come to light, Kira is forced to question everything she thought she knew about her adopted family, her true nature, and her past.

Dark Shores by Danielle L. Jensen Release: May 7

Teriana is the second mate of the Quincense and heir to the Maarin Triumvirate. Her people are born of the seas and the keepers of its secrets, but when her closest friend is forced into an unwanted betrothal, Teriana breaks her people’s mandate so her friend might escape—a choice with devastating consequences. Marcus is the commander of the Thirty-Seventh, the notorious legion that has led the Celendor Empire to conquer the entire East. The legion is his family, but even they don’t know the truth he’s been hiding since childhood. It’s a secret he’ll do anything to protect, no matter how much it costs him – and the world. When an Empire senator discovers the existence of the Dark Shores, he captures Teriana’s crew and threatens to reveal Marcus’s secret unless they sail in pursuit of conquest, forcing the two into an unlikely—and unwilling—alliance. They unite for the sake of their families, but both must decide how far they are willing to go, and how much they are willing to sacrifice.

Nocturna by Maya Motayne Release: May 7

To Finn Voy, magic is two things: a knife to hold under the chin of anyone who crosses her…and a disguise she shrugs on as easily as others pull on cloaks. As a talented faceshifter, it’s been years since Finn has seen her own face, and that’s exactly how she likes it. But when Finn gets caught by a powerful mobster, she’s forced into an impossible mission: steal a legendary treasure from Castallan’s royal palace or be stripped of her magic forever. After the murder of his older brother, Prince Alfehr is first in line for the Castallan throne. But Alfie can’t help but feel that he will never live up to his brother’s legacy. Riddled with grief, Alfie is obsessed with finding a way to bring his brother back, even if it means dabbling in forbidden magic. But when Finn and Alfie’s fates collide, they accidentally unlock a terrible, ancient power—which, if not contained, will devour the world. And with Castallan’s fate in their hands, Alfie and Finn must race to vanquish what they have unleashed, even if it means facing the deepest darkness in their pasts.

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad Release: May 14

Fatima lives in the city of Noor, a thriving stop along the Silk Road. There the music of myriad languages fills the air, and people of all faiths weave their lives together. However, the city bears scars of its recent past, when the chaotic tribe of Shayateen djinn slaughtered its entire population -- except for Fatima and two other humans. Now ruled by a new maharajah, Noor is protected from the Shayateen by the Ifrit, djinn of order and reason, and by their commander, Zulfikar. But when one of the most potent of the Ifrit dies, Fatima is changed in ways she cannot fathom, ways that scare even those who love her. Oud in hand, Fatima is drawn into the intrigues of the maharajah and his sister, the affairs of Zulfikar and the djinn, and the dangers of a magical battlefield.

The Lost Coast by Amy Rose Capetta Release: May 14

Danny didn't know what she was looking for when she and her mother spread out a map of the United States and Danny put her finger down on Tempest, California. What she finds are the Grays: a group of friends who throw around terms like queer and witch like they're ordinary and everyday, though they feel like an earthquake to Danny. But Danny didn't just find the Grays. They cast a spell that calls her halfway across the country, because she has something they need: she can bring back Imogen, the most powerful of the Grays, missing since the summer night she wandered into the woods alone. But before Danny can find Imogen, she finds a dead boy with a redwood branch through his heart. Something is very wrong amid the trees and fog of the Lost Coast, and whatever it is, it can kill.

The Things She’s Seen by Ambelin Kwaymullina and Ezekiel Kwaymullina Release: May 14

Nothing's been the same for Beth Teller since the day she died. Her dad is drowning in grief. He's also the only one who has been able to see and hear her since the accident. But now she's got a mystery to solve, a mystery that will hopefully remind her detective father that he is still alive, that there is a life after Beth that is still worth living. Who is Isobel Catching, and why is she able to see Beth, too? What is her connection to the crime Beth's father has been sent to investigate--a gruesome fire at a home for troubled youth that left an unidentifiable body behind? What happened to the people who haven't been seen since the fire? As Beth and her father unravel the mystery, they find a shocking and heartbreaking story lurking beneath the surface of a small town, and a friendship that lasts beyond one life and into another...

Don’t Date Rosa Santos by Nina Moreno Release: May 14

Rosa Santos is cursed by the sea-at least, that's what they say. Dating her is bad news, especially if you're a boy with a boat. But Rosa feels more caught than cursed. Caught between cultures and choices. Between her abuela, a beloved healer and pillar of their community, and her mother, an artist who crashes in and out of her life like a hurricane. Between Port Coral, the quirky South Florida town they call home, and Cuba, the island her abuela refuses to talk about. As her college decision looms, Rosa collides - literally - with Alex Aquino, the mysterious boy with tattoos of the ocean whose family owns the marina. With her heart, her family, and her future on the line, can Rosa break a curse and find her place beyond the horizon?

Birthday by Meredith Russo Release: May 21

Two kids, Morgan and Eric, are bonded for life after being born on the same day at the same time. We meet them once a year on their shared birthday as they grow and change: as Eric figures out who he is and how he fits into the world, and as Morgan makes the difficult choice to live as her true self. Over the years, they will drift apart, come together, fight, make up, and break up—and ultimately, realize how inextricably they are a part of each other. 

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn Release: May 28

Kimi Nakamura loves a good fashion statement. She's obsessed with transforming everyday ephemera into Kimi Originals: bold outfits that make her and her friends feel like the Ultimate versions of themselves. But her mother disapproves, and when they get into an explosive fight, Kimi's entire future seems on the verge of falling apart. So when a surprise letter comes in the mail from Kimi's estranged grandparents, inviting her to Kyoto for spring break, she seizes the opportunity to get away from the disaster of her life. When she arrives in Japan, she's met with a culture both familiar and completely foreign to her. She loses herself in the city's outdoor markets, art installations, and cherry blossom festival -- and meets Akira, a cute aspiring med student who moonlights as a costumed mochi mascot. And what begins as a trip to escape her problems quickly becomes a way for Kimi to learn more about the mother she left behind, and to figure out where her own heart lies.

The Wise and the Wicked by Rebecca Podos Release: May 28

Ruby Chernyavsky has been told the stories since she was a child: The women in her family, once possessed of great magical abilities to remake lives and stave off death itself, were forced to flee their Russian home for America in order to escape the fearful men who sought to destroy them. Today, these stories seem no more real to Ruby than folktales, except for the smallest bit of power left in their blood: when each of them comes of age, she will have a vision of who she will be when she dies—a destiny as inescapable as it is inevitable. Ruby is no exception, and neither is her mother, although she ran from her fate years ago, abandoning Ruby and her sisters. It’s a fool’s errand, because they all know the truth: there is no escaping one’s Time. Until Ruby’s great-aunt Polina passes away, and, for the first time, a Chernyavsky’s death does not match her vision. Suddenly, things Ruby never thought she’d be allowed to hope for—life, love, time—seem possible. But as she and her cousin Cece begin to dig into the family’s history to find out whether they, too, can change their fates, they learn that nothing comes without a cost. Especially not hope.

The Kingdom by Jess Rothenberg Release: May 28

Glimmering like a jewel behind its gateway, The Kingdom is an immersive fantasy theme park where guests soar on virtual dragons, castles loom like giants, and bioengineered species--formerly extinct--roam free. Ana is one of seven Fantasists, beautiful "princesses" engineered to make dreams come true. When she meets park employee Owen, Ana begins to experience emotions beyond her programming including, for the first time... love. But the fairytale becomes a nightmare when Ana is accused of murdering Owen, igniting the trial of the century. Through courtroom testimony, interviews, and Ana's memories of Owen, emerges a tale of love, lies, and cruelty--and what it truly means to be human.

These Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling Release: May 28

Hannah's a witch, but not the kind you're thinking of. She's the real deal, an Elemental with the power to control fire, earth, water, and air. But even though she lives in Salem, Massachusetts, her magic is a secret she has to keep to herself. If she's ever caught using it in front of a Reg, she could lose it. For good. So, Hannah spends most of her time avoiding her ex-girlfriend (and fellow Elemental Witch) Veronica, hanging out with her best friend, and working at the Fly by Night Cauldron selling candles and crystals to tourists, goths, and local Wiccans. But dealing with her ex is the least of Hannah's concerns when a terrifying blood ritual interrupts the end-of-school-year bonfire. Evidence of dark magic begins to appear all over Salem, and Hannah's sure it's the work of a deadly Blood Witch. The issue is, her coven is less than convinced, forcing Hannah to team up with the last person she wants to see: Veronica. While the pair attempt to smoke out the Blood Witch at a house party, Hannah meets Morgan, a cute new ballerina in town. But trying to date amid a supernatural crisis is easier said than done, and Hannah will have to test the limits of her power if she's going to save her coven and get the girl, especially when the attacks on Salem's witches become deadlier by the day.

The Beholder by Anna Bright Release: June 4

Selah has waited her whole life for a happily ever after. As the only daughter of the leader of Potomac, she knows her duty is to find the perfect match, a partner who will help secure the future of her people. Now that day has finally come. But after an excruciatingly public rejection from her closest childhood friend, Selah’s stepmother suggests an unthinkable solution: Selah must set sail across the Atlantic, where a series of potential suitors awaits—and if she doesn’t come home engaged, she shouldn’t come home at all.

Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal Release: June 4

If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends. And if they want to catch the killer, they'll have to step into the shadows to see what's lurking there—murderer, or monster?

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Release: June 4

High school finally behind her, Winnie is all set to attend college in the fall. But first she's spending her summer days working at her granny’s diner and begins spending her midnights with Dallas—the boy she loves to hate and hates that she likes. Winnie lives in Misty Haven, a small town where secrets are impossible to keep—like when Winnie allegedly snaps on Dr. Skinner, which results in everyone feeling compelled to give her weight loss advice for her own good. Because they care that’s she’s “too fat.” Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the diner—but it'll go away if they can't make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank. But Granny doesn't want her to enter—so Winnie has to find a way around her formidable grandmother. Can she come out on top?

Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian Release: June 4

It's 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing. Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He's terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he's gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media's images of men dying of AIDS. Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating. Art is Judy's best friend, their school's only out and proud teen. He'll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs. As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

When the Ground is Hard by Malla Nunn Release: June 4

Adele Joubert loves being one of the popular girls at Keziah Christian Academy. She knows the upcoming semester at school is going to be great with her best friend Delia at her side. Then Delia dumps her for a new girl with more money, and Adele is forced to share a room with Lottie, the school pariah, who doesn't pray and defies teachers' orders. But as they share a copy of Jane Eyre, Lottie's gruff exterior and honesty grow on Adele, and Lottie learns to be a little sweeter. Together, they take on bullies and protect each other from the vindictive and prejudiced teachers. Then a boy goes missing on campus and Adele and Lottie must rely on each other to solve the mystery and maybe learn the true meaning of friendship.

Stronger Than a Bronze Dragon by Mary Fan Release: June 11

When a powerful viceroy arrives with a fleet of mechanical dragons and stops an attack on Anlei’s village, the villagers see him as a godsend. They agree to give him their sacred, enchanted River Pearl in exchange for permanent protection—if he’ll marry one of the village girls to solidify the alliance. Anlei is appalled when the viceroy selects her as a bride, but with the fate of her people at stake, she sees no choice but to consent. Anlei’s noble plans are sent into a tailspin, however, when a young thief steals the River Pearl for himself. Knowing the viceroy won’t protect her village without the jewel, she takes matters into her own hands. But once she catches the thief, she discovers he needs the pearl just as much as she does. The two embark on an epic quest across the land and into the Courts of Hell, taking Anlei on a journey that reveals more is at stake than she could have ever imagined.

The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante Release: June 11

Seventeen-year-old Marisol has always dreamed of being American, learning what Americans and the US are like from television and Mrs. Rosen, an elderly expat who had employed Marisol's mother as a maid. She never pictured fleeing her home in El Salvador under threat of death and stealing across the US border as "an illegal", but after her brother is murdered and her younger sister, Gabi's, life is also placed in equal jeopardy, she has no choice, especially because she knows everything is her fault. If she had never fallen for the charms of a beautiful girl named Liliana, Pablo might still be alive, her mother wouldn't be in hiding and she and Gabi wouldn't have been caught crossing the border. But they have been caught and their asylum request will most certainly be denied. With truly no options remaining, Marisol jumps at an unusual opportunity to stay in the United States. She's asked to become a grief keeper, taking the grief of another into her own body to save a life. It's a risky, experimental study, but if it means Marisol can keep her sister safe, she will risk anything. She just never imagined one of the risks would be falling in love, a love that may even be powerful enough to finally help her face her own crushing grief.

All of Us with Wings by Michelle Ruiz Kiel Release: June 18

Seventeen-year-old Xochi is alone in San Francisco, running from her painful past: the mother who abandoned her, the man who betrayed her. Then one day, she meets Pallas, a precocious twelve-year-old who lives with her rockstar family in one of the city’s storybook Victorians. Xochi accepts a position as Pallas’s live-in governess and quickly finds her place in their household, which is relaxed and happy despite the band's larger-than-life fame. But on the night of the Vernal Equinox, as a concert afterparty rages in the house below, Xochi and Pallas accidentally summon a pair of ancient creatures devoted to avenging the wrongs of Xochi’s adolescence. She would do anything to preserve her new life, but with the creatures determined to exact vengeance on those who’ve hurt her, no one is safe—not the family she’s chosen, nor the one she left behind.

Patron Saint of Nobody by Randy Ribay Release: June 18

Jay Reguero plans to spend the last semester of his senior year playing video games before heading to the University of Michigan in the fall. But when he discovers that his Filipino cousin Jun was murdered as part of President Duterte's war on drugs, and no one in the family wants to talk about what happened, Jay travels to the Philippines to find out the real story. Hoping to uncover more about Jun and the events that led to his death, Jay is forced to reckon with the many sides of his cousin before he can face the whole horrible truth -- and the part he played in it.

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi Release: June 18

Sana Khan is a cheerleader and a straight A student. She's the classic (somewhat obnoxious) overachiever determined to win. Rachel Recht is a wannabe director who's obsesssed with movies and ready to make her own masterpiece. As she's casting her senior film project, she knows she's found the perfect lead - Sana. There's only one problem. Rachel hates Sana. Rachel was the first girl Sana ever asked out, but Rachel thought it was a cruel prank and has detested Sana ever since.

Wicked Fox by Kat Cho Release: June 25

Eighteen-year-old Gu Miyoung has a secret--she's a gumiho, a nine-tailed fox who must devour the energy of men in order to survive. Because so few believe in the old tales anymore, and with so many evil men no one will miss, the modern city of Seoul is the perfect place to hide and hunt. But after feeding one full moon, Miyoung crosses paths with Jihoon, a human boy, being attacked by a goblin deep in the forest. Against her better judgment, she violates the rules of survival to rescue the boy, losing her fox bead--her gumiho soul--in the process. Jihoon knows Miyoung is more than just a beautiful girl--he saw her nine tails the night she saved his life. His grandmother used to tell him stories of the gumiho, of their power and the danger they pose to humans. He's drawn to her anyway. With murderous forces lurking in the background, Miyoung and Jihoon develop a tenuous friendship that blossoms into something more. But when a young shaman tries to reunite Miyoung with her bead, the consequences are disastrous . . . forcing Miyoung to choose between her immortal life and Jihoon's.

Technically, You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson Release: June 25

When a guy named Martin Nathaniel Munroe II texts you, it should be obvious who you're talking to. Except there's two of them (it's a long story), and Haley thinks she's talking to the one she doesn't hate. A question about a class project rapidly evolves into an all-consuming conversation. Haley finds that Martin is actually willing to listen to her weird facts and unusual obsessions, and Martin feels like Haley is the first person to really see who he is. Haley and Martin might be too awkward to hang out in real life, but over text, they're becoming addicted to each other. There's just one problem: Haley doesn't know who Martin is. And Martin doesn't know that Haley doesn't know. But they better figure it out fast before their meet-cute becomes an epic meet-disaster . . .

The Virtue of Sin by Shannon Schuren Release: June 25

Miriam lives in New Jerusalem, a haven in the desert far away from the sins and depravity of the outside world. Within the gates of New Jerusalem, and under the eye of its founder and leader, Daniel, Miriam knows she is safe. Cared for. Even if she’s forced, as a girl, to quiet her tongue when she has thoughts she wants to share, Miriam knows that New Jerusalem is a far better life than any alternative. So when God calls for a Matrimony, she’s thrilled; she knows that Caleb, the boy she loves, will choose her to be his wife and they can finally start their life together.  But when the ceremony goes wrong and Miriam winds up with someone else, she can no longer keep quiet. For the first time, Miriam begins to question not only the rules that Daniel has set in place, but also what it is she believes in, and where she truly belongs.

[caitsbooks]

Caitsbooks’s Top 10 Most Anticipated April 2019 Releases

This year is absolutely flying by. I can't believe it's April already! This month has some of my most anticipated releases of the year, with a good mix of debut novels, series starters, and continuations! My wallet may hate me this month, but I'll be very happy once all these books come out.

Blog || Goodreads || Bookstagram || Twitter  || Reviews

April Releases

Note: These are in order of release date

April 2nd 

10. Wicked Saints (Something Dark and Holy #1) by Emily A. Duncan This book is probably my most anticipated debut novel, if not one of my most anticipated books overall for 2019. Wicked Saints has gotten a lot of hype, and after reading the ARC, I can say it deserves all of it. This book broke me, in the best possible way, and I don't think I'll ever be over it. Read my review here for more of my ranting.

"A girl who can speak to gods must save her people without destroying herself. A prince in danger must decide who to trust. A boy with a monstrous secret waits in the wings. Together, they must assassinate the king and stop the war. In a centuries-long war where beauty and brutality meet, their three paths entwine in a shadowy world of spilled blood and mysterious saints, where a forbidden romance threatens to tip the scales between dark and light."

9. Defy Me (Shatter Me #5) by Tahereh Mafi The Shatter Me series has been one of my favorites since I first read it as a trilogy back in 2015. While I was nervous at first about the series being continued, I am now 100% on board and so excited for the next installment! The Kenji novella, Shadow Me, really got my hyped for this book!

(Spoilers below for the Shatter Me series, books 1 - 4) "Juliette’s short tenure as the supreme commander of North America has been an utter disaster. When the children of the other world leaders show up on her doorstep, she wants nothing more than to turn to Warner for support and guidance. But he shatters her heart when he reveals that he’s been keeping secrets about her family and her identity from her—secrets that change everything. Juliette is devastated, and the darkness that’s always dwelled within her threatens to consume her. An explosive encounter with unexpected visitors might be enough to push her over the edge."

8. Defy the Fates (Constellation #3) by Claudia Gray

I cannot express how excited I am for this book. I loved the first two novels, and I've been dying to find out how it all ends! If you're looking for a new sci-fi series, definitely pick this one up!!

(spoilers below for Defy the Stars and Defy the Worlds)

“Hunted and desperate. Abel only has one mission left that matters: save the life of Noemi Vidal. To do that, he not only has to escape the Genesis authorities, he also must face the one person in the galaxy who still has the means to destroy him. Burton Mansfield's consciousness lives on, desperate for a home, and Abel's own body is his last bargaining chip.  Alone in the universe. Brought back from the brink of death, Noemi Vidal finds Abel has not only saved her life, but he's made her into something else, something more. Not quite mech, yet not quite human any longer, Noemi must find her place in a universe where she is utterly unique, all while trying to create a world where anyone--even a mech--can be free. The final battle between Earth and the colony planets is here, and there's no lengths to which Earth won't go to preserve its domination over all humanity. But together, the universe's most advanced mech and its first human-mech hybrid might have the power to change the galaxy for good.”

7. The Princess and the Fangirl (Once Upon a Con #2) by Ashley Poston

This is the new companion novel to Geekerella. The first book was absolutely amazing, and I can't wait to see where Ashley Poston goes with this one!

"Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: save her favorite character, Princess Amara, from being killed off from her favorite franchise, Starfield. The problem is, Jessica Stone—the actress who plays Princess Amara—wants nothing more than to leave the intense scrutiny of the fandom behind. If this year's ExcelsiCon isn't her last, she'll consider her career derailed. When a case of mistaken identity throws look-a-likes Imogen and Jess together, they quickly become enemies. But when the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, and all signs point to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. That's easier said than done when the girls step into each other's shoes and discover new romantic possibilities, as well as the other side of intense fandom. As these "princesses" race to find the script-leaker, they must rescue themselves from their own expectations, and redefine what it means to live happily ever after. "

6. The Devouring Gray (The Devouring Gray #1) by Christine Lynn Herman

This book is one of my most anticipated debut novels of the year. People have been comparing it to The Raven Cycle, one of my all-time favorite series, so obviously I need to devour it. (Yes, I know that was a bad pun)

"On the edge of town a beast haunts the woods, trapped in the Gray, its bonds loosening… Uprooted from the city, Violet Saunders doesn’t have much hope of fitting in at her new school in Four Paths, a town almost buried in the woodlands of rural New York. The fact that she’s descended from one of the town’s founders doesn’t help much, either—her new neighbors treat her with distant respect, and something very like fear. When she meets Justin, May, Isaac, and Harper, all children of founder families, and sees the otherworldly destruction they can wreak, she starts to wonder if the townsfolk are right to be afraid. When bodies start to appear in the woods, the locals become downright hostile. Can the teenagers solve the mystery of Four Paths, and their own part in it, before another calamity strikes?"

5. You'd Be Mine by Erin Hahn

I was lucky enough to read an ARC of this back in January, and it blew me away. It was so much more than I expected. This is definitely not a book to miss!

"Annie Mathers is America’s sweetheart and heir to a country music legacy full of all the things her Gran warned her about. Superstar Clay Coolidge is most definitely going to end up one of those things. But unfortunately for Clay, if he can’t convince Annie to join his summer tour, his music label is going to drop him. That’s what happens when your bad boy image turns into bad boy reality. Annie has been avoiding the spotlight after her parents’ tragic death, except on her skyrocketing YouTube channel. Clay’s label wants to land Annie, and Clay has to make it happen. Swayed by Clay’s undeniable charm and good looks, Annie and her band agree to join the tour. From the start fans want them to be more than just tour mates, and Annie and Clay can’t help but wonder if the fans are right. But if there’s one part of fame Annie wants nothing to do with, it’s a high-profile relationship. She had a front row seat to her parents’ volatile marriage and isn’t interested in repeating history. If only she could convince her heart that Clay, with his painful past and head over heels inducing tenor, isn’t worth the risk. "

April 9th 

4. Descendant of the Crane by Joan He

This book has been called a YA Game of Thrones, filled with political intrigue and mystery. This is another book that has gotten a bit of hype, and I'm looking forward to seeing if it lives up to it.

"Princess Hesina of Yan has always been eager to shirk the responsibilities of the crown, dreaming of an unremarkable life. But when her beloved father is found dead, she’s thrust into power, suddenly the queen of a surprisingly unstable kingdom. What’s more, Hesina believes that her father was murdered—and that the killer is someone close to her. Hesina’s court is packed full of dissemblers and deceivers eager to use the king’s death for political gain, each as plausibly guilty as the next. Her advisers would like her to blame the neighboring kingdom of Kendi’a, whose ruler has been mustering for war. Determined to find her father’s actual killer, Hesina does something desperate: she enlists the aid of a soothsayer—a treasonous act, punishable by death, since magic was outlawed centuries ago. Using the information provided by the sooth, and uncertain if she can trust her family, Hesina turns to Akira—a brilliant investigator who’s also a convicted criminal with secrets of his own. With the future of Yan at stake, can Hesina find justice for her father? Or will the cost be too high?"

3. The Red Scrolls of Magic (The Eldest Curses #1) by Cassandra Clare and Wesley Chu

I think everyone can agree that Magnus and Alec are some of the best characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles. Needless to say, I'm so excited that they're getting their own series!!! I've been waiting for this for too long.

"All Magnus Bane wanted was a vacation—a lavish trip across Europe with Alec Lightwood, the Shadowhunter who against all odds is finally his boyfriend. But as soon as the pair settles in Paris, an old friend arrives with news about a demon-worshipping cult called the Crimson Hand that is bent on causing chaos around the world. A cult that was apparently founded by Magnus himself. Years ago. As a joke. Now Magnus and Alec must race across Europe to track down the Crimson Hand and its elusive new leader before the cult can cause any more damage. As if it wasn’t bad enough that their romantic getaway has been sidetracked, demons are now dogging their every step, and it is becoming harder to tell friend from foe. As their quest for answers becomes increasingly dire, Magnus and Alec will have to trust each other more than ever—even if it means revealing the secrets they’ve both been keeping."

April 16th 

2. Serious Moonlight by Jenn Bennett

Last year, I finally started reading Jenn Bennett's books, and fell in love with them. I went on a binge of all of her YA contemporaries, and I'm dying for more. At this point, it doesn't even matter to me what it's actually about. If it's written by Jenn Bennett, I'll read it.

"Mystery-book aficionado Birdie Lindberg has an overactive imagination. Raised in isolation and homeschooled by strict grandparents, she’s cultivated a whimsical fantasy life in which she plays the heroic detective and every stranger is a suspect. But her solitary world expands when she takes a job the summer before college, working the graveyard shift at a historic Seattle hotel. In her new job, Birdie hopes to blossom from introverted dreamer to brave pioneer, and gregarious Daniel Aoki volunteers to be her guide. The hotel’s charismatic young van driver shares the same nocturnal shift and patronizes the waterfront Moonlight Diner where she waits for the early morning ferry after work. Daniel also shares her appetite for intrigue, and he’s stumbled upon a real-life mystery: a famous reclusive writer—never before seen in public—might be secretly meeting someone at the hotel. To uncover the writer’s puzzling identity, Birdie must come out of her shell…discovering that most confounding mystery of all may be her growing feelings for the elusive riddle that is Daniel."

April 23rd 

1. The Tiger at Midnight (The Tiger at Midnight Trilogy #1) by Swati Teerdhala

I am living for all the new fantasy novels coming out, and especially #ownvoices ones! This synopsis has me so intrigued and I can't wait to dive in.

"Esha is a legend, but no one knows. It’s only in the shadows that she moonlights as the Viper, the rebels’ highly skilled assassin. She’s devoted her life to avenging what she lost in the royal coup, and now she’s been tasked with her most important mission to date: taking down the ruthless General Hotha. Kunal has been a soldier since childhood, training morning and night to uphold the power of King Vardaan. His uncle, the general, has ensured that Kunal never strays from the path—even as a part of Kunal longs to join the outside world, which has been growing only more volatile. Then Esha’s and Kunal’s paths cross—and an unimaginable chain of events unfolds. Both the Viper and the soldier think they’re calling the shots, but they’re not the only players moving the pieces. As the bonds that hold their land in order break down and the sins of the past meet the promise of a new future, both rebel and soldier must make unforgivable choices."

What is your most anticipated release this April?

Related: - My March Favorites + April TBR - My Top 10 March Releases + TBR

[azarland]

landsmeet “recruiting loghain” conversation, transcript, edited per canon divergences.

loghain: i underestimated you, warden. i thought you were like cailan, a child wanting to play at war. i was wrong. there’s a strength in you that i have not seen anywhere since maric died. i yield. azriel: you’ll die for what you’ve done. riordan: wait!! there is another option!! the teyrn is a warrior & general of renown. let him be of use. let him go through the joining. azriel: hang on, you said the ritual required archdemon blood. does this proposition mean ... ?? riordan: indeed. fortunately for the order, the blood was only confiscated, not destroyed. azriel: well, that’s fantastic news, but, more to the point, you want to make loghain a warden?? why?? riordan: there are four of us in all of ferelden. & there are ... compelling reasons to have as many wardens on hand as possible to deal with the archdemon. anora: the joining itself is often fatal, is it not?? if he survives, you gain a general. if not, you have your revenge. doesn’t that satisfy you?? alistair: absolutely not!! riordan, this man abandoned our brothers & then blamed us for the deed!! he hunted us down like animals. he tortured you!! how can we simply forget that?? [   azriel & riordan exchange a look of understanding   ] azriel: riordan has a point, we should put him through the joining. alistair: joining the wardens is an honor, not a punishment!! name him a warden & you cheapen us all!! i will not stand next to him as a brother. i won’t!! azriel: so that’s it?? you or him?? whatever happened to “the gray wardens have always taken allies where they could find them”?? alistair: witches & assassins are not the same as madmen like loghain!! morrigan & zevran, simultaneously: i should hope not. anora: he’s being childish. how many generals do you think ferelden has?? we can’t afford to lose any of them to alistair’s tantrums if we want to survive the blight. alistair: oh, but we could afford to lose a king?? & the entire army that was abandoned at ostagar?? whose tantrums cost us all that, i wonder?? i didn’t want to be king. i still don’t. but ... if that’s what it takes to see loghain get justice, then i’ll do it. i’ll take the crown. anora: listen to this!! can you see how disasterous a king he’d be, putting his own selfish desires above the needs of this country?? you can’t seriously support him. azriel: [sigh] give me a minute with him.

[   off to the side but still within shouting earshot   ] alistair: what is there to consider?? just kill loghain & be done with it, it’s the least he deserves for all he’s done. azriel: alistair... alistair: don’t “alistair” me, azriel. it is me or him. azriel: that’s not fair!! alistair: not fair?? you seriously want to let loghain, of all people, become a gray warden & talk about “not fair”?? azriel: yes!! most unfair!! time & time again you’ve declined any responsibility for our merry band & have been content to let others take charge, & now that a decision is being made that you dislike you’re stomping your feet demanding to be in charge, for all the world only to be contrary. this may be news to you, your highness, but i’ve never particularly yearned for the burden of leadership either, but in case it’s missed your currently narrow perception we are in the middle of a blight!! i’ve long since made peace with my duty, & am making my choices accordingly. alistair: but it’s loghain!! azriel: but so what?? we agreed to let morrigan come with us even though she’s maleficar & the daughter of flemeth, we agreed to take sten with us even though he slaughtered a family over panic due to a lost sword, we agreed to keep zevran around even though he was literally hired to kill us. you say they are not the same, but, no offense to them, loghain is scarcely different. alistair: yeah, no, of course, except for the part where loghain betrayed the king & blamed the gray wardens for his death & had us hunted down— what else?? oh right, he also— azriel: oh shut it!! amara & riordan are right & you know it. alistair: he deserves to die. azriel: have i ever disagreed with that?? alistair: you’re letting him off easy & spitting on the gray warden name in one go!! azriel: alistair, if you wish to have a temper tantrum over this i won’t entertain you much longer. you’re under no obligation to work together with loghain should he survive the joining; all i ask is that when you’re done behaving like a child you join the adults on the battlefield & help end this blasted blight like the gray warden that duncan thought you to be. alistair: ... that’s not fair. azriel: tough.

[   back to the main group   ] azriel: anora!! the crown’s yours. alistair: you’re siding with her?? how could you do this to me?? you of all people?? azriel: i’m not doing anything to you. i’m trying to do what’s best for ferelden. alistair: what is wrong with you?? i thought we were friends. now you’re siding with the man who killed duncan!! azriel: ... if it were howe standing where loghain now stands i would make the same choice. it is not siding with them when they can be used as the canon fodder they treat others to be. alistair: isn’t it?? i don’t know. i’m not sure what’s what anymore. all i know is i can’t let this pass. not & still live with myself. i guess i don’t have any choice, do i?? i’m leaving. anora: i’m afraid it’s not so simple as that, alistair. alistair: you already got what you wanted. your murdering father gets a place amongst the gray wardens. what else could you want from me?? anora: your life, unfortunately. so long as you live, rebellions can be raised in your name. our land cannot endure another civil war. i must call for your execution. azriel: no. you owe me a boon. let him go, anora. anora: this is what you would ask?? very well. though i think it’s a mistake. alistair, you may leave on the condition that you swear before this landsmeet that you renounce all claim to the throne for yourself & all your heirs. alistair: that’s what it’ll take, huh?? fine. i don’t want anything to do with this place or any of you people. ever. i swear it. time for me to go. good luck. you’ll need it if he actually survives the joining. azriel: you’ll always be welcome, alistair. alistair: have fun ending the blight ... or whatever. i guess you made your decision, right?? so goodbye. azriel: ali’, do me a favor, for old time’s sake; stick around long enough to talk to riordan about his “compelling reasons”. just hear him out, that’s all i ask. ... i’ll be waiting for you as we prepare to slay the archdemon. alistair: ... don’t hold your breath.

[mittensmorgul]

So @shixpe and I have been chatting for like the last hour... (edited a bit so that it makes sense...)

but back to 13.03, i found Sam's expression to Dean's outburst about Cas very telling not just in a "feel bad" way but more that he knows or is realizing how Dean is actually taking the loss of Cas

mittensmorgul we can certainly hope\ Sam has Just Not Got It yet up to this point, I mean

shixpe we go striaght from talking about Sam's past and comparing him to Jack etc to how Dean cant get over losing Cas because of Jack.

mittensmorgul Yep. Sam had been thinking of Jack in terms of HIMSELF (and his whole demon blood arc), and not getting why Dean couldn't feel that way about him too... but Dean's been seeing Jack in terms of AZAZEL (the yellow-eyed demon responsible for murdering his loved one) I mean... Sam wasn't gonna adopt Azazel back in early seasons and just ~forgive him~ for both Jess's death and Mary's death, and try to see how he deserved to be saved... Yet that's what he's expecting Dean to do now... (obviously Jack is not equivalent to azazel and he's a nougaty bab who needs support and training, but his POWER had the same result regardless of his intent) And Dean WILL come to see that, but in order for Sam to understand, that's literally the framing the show gave to Jack's yellow-eyed powers here...

shixpe but also even though Azazel killed mary and (more relevant) Jess, Sam blamed himself.  Dean told him it wasnt his fault, but he will blame Jack for Cas' death

mittensmorgul yep

shixpe because emotions

mittensmorgul Sam blamed himself because he never told the truth to Jess, never warned her about his dreams, never told her ANYTHING.

shixpe even though that would obviously have done nothing tbh except maybe she'd have left him

mittensmorgul And now Dean's blaming himself for not being able to get through to Cas, for not doing ~something~ to stop him...

shixpe if she stayed, Azazel would get her

mittensmorgul Heck, even if she LEFT he might've still gone after her, because she had to die for Sam's Man Pain.

shixpe i have a thought that Dean is using Jack to not blame himself

mittensmorgul yep Jack is convenient.

shixpe i always assumed Azazel killed her to make Sam hunt again.  but yeah i guess he woulda still stayed at school jacks the scapegoat i feel like thats important somehow Lucifer is the biggest scapegoat of all time "The devil made me do it"

mittensmorgul But also, he's not wrong... Jack's power ~did something~ to Cas, showed him a vision convincing enough for Cas to believe in it, to make him abandon his family he'd been willing to sacrifice everything for, to abandon everything he'd believed about nephilim in general and Lucifer's offspring in particular, to make sure that power was able to be born... But yes, Jess was killed to get Sam out of the civilian life and prompt him to seek revenge again... Brady said so in s5

shixpe i have my own theory still about what happened between Cas and Jack

mittensmorgul yeah ?

shixpe made me even more sure about it when Asmo blatantly asked Sam if Jack had Bonded with Luci i think the touchy yellow eyes thing with Cas in 12.19 was that bond

mittensmorgul You think he's legit formed some sort of "duckling bond" on Cas I think so too AGAINST CASTIEL'S WILL

shixpe yeah i think it did, in a way but not consciously (just like Jacks powers), control Cas

mittensmorgul And I think that bond is gonna be a sort of tug-of-war with Dean and Cas's "more profound bond" YEah, that's exactly what I've been saying since 12.19

shixpe it made Cas see Jack as his fucking responsibility to protect and raise like his own fuckin child yeah it became more evident to me in the finale because its the only real explanation i accept for why Cas ran back into that portal, the bond made him go after what he saw was a threat to Jack

mittensmorgul It's not intentional. Jack Nougat Winchester didn't force Cas to be his father... the "power that acts without his consent or control" which Jack doesn't even feel is truly "part of himself" and acts wildly and erratically in moments of extreme fear and self-defense... THAT is what formed the bond. YES. EXACTLY. THANK YOU

shixpe also its another forced bond (maybe you could kinda relate it to the bond between parent and child, its quite often there whether you want it or not)

mittensmorgul After 12.19, Cas became a sort of "extension" of Jack's power, but a part of that power with the wisdom and strength of an ancient angel...

shixpe i think its rare for a parent to not be willing to sacrifice themselves for their child which happened twice blatantly in the finale it was so goddamn obvious

mittensmorgul who had no ability to override that power YEP

shixpe yeah

[...]

shixpe but dont forget also the moment Cas went after Luci was when Jack was being born and Kelly died

mittensmorgul yep

shixpe oh and i forgot to add to the forced bond thing its similar to Amara's forced bond but now its with CAS like SERIOUSLY

shixpe Amara/Dean was compared to sibling bonds, at the end of s11 "You're our brother Cas", now its a parent/child bond

mittensmorgul YEP.

Note: Before this whole chunk of conversation, we’d been discussing how Sam’s approach to “training Jack’s powers” was similar both to John’s “marine corps discipline” approach to raising Sam and Dean “like soldiers.” It’s literally how Sam described their upbringing in the pilot episode. And he seems to have the whole drill sergeant thing down in how he’s approaching Jack’s powers.

The other noteworthy parallel we talked about was between how Sam was “spying” on Jack while reading a child psychology and parenting book-- just like Crowley was doing back in s11 with young Amara. Which loops right back around to Jack being used as a mirror/parallel to Amara in practically every respect.

As to playing Cas’s “bond” with Jack against his long-standing “more profound bond” with Dean... that element of compulsion had never been an aspect of Dean’s bond with Cas. The bond may have been forged with the intent of “marking Dean” for service to Heaven in his role as the Righteous Man in the Apocalypse, but even after he rejected that role, he continued to forge his bond with Cas BY THEIR OWN CHOICES. And that makes all the difference here, and I believe will be KEY to not only Jack’s eventual downfall and salvation, but the key to Jack’s eventual understanding or free will and humanity.

The ENTIRE POINT of this storyline is moot if Jack and Cas were complicit in consciously choosing this bond in the first place.

Okay, as you were. :P

[thecuriouscrusader]

Secretary of the Year

Pairing: Dean Smith x Castiel

Word Count: 2093

Prompt: "I've been killing myself with all this paperwork. It took me thirty minutes to make this hat."

Tags: ‘It’s A Terrible Life’ AU, Humour, Secretary Cas, Sassy Cas, Protective Cas, Basically BAMF Cas, Mentions of Harassment, Boss/Employee to ?

Summary: Cas is not the most typical secretary but he sure as hell gets the job done. 

A/N: Written for @queencflair‘s 2 Broke 2 Care Challenge. An awesome challenge, this was so fun to write! Once again thank you to the awesome @mrsgabrieltrickster for proof reading x

"Good morning, Mr. Smith."

"Mornin', Cas" Dean smiled. "What's on the agenda today?" 

"Uh...give me a moment." 

Dean sighed as he halted next to his secretary's desk. 

"Cas, if you haven't been arranging my schedule then what the hell have you been doing all morning?" 

"I've been killing myself with all this paperwork!" Castiel replied indignantly as he indicated to the heap of documents perched on the edge of his desk. “And, it took me thirty minutes to make this hat" he beamed proudly as he pulled the yellow paper construction out of his drawer. 

Dean hung his head despairingly. "Cas those papers better not be important.”

"They’re from Adler, so of course they aren’t" Castiel replied as he typed on his computer. "It's as if he's never heard of e-mail. Troglodyte." 

Dean tried to fight back a smile because he knew was supposed to be the stern boss, but he failed because it was true; Adler was a douche.

"Okay, you have a lunch meeting at Sotto with Dick Roman, and your report for Mr. Crowley is due at the end of the day." 

"Great" Dean said sarcastically. "Wasn't I supposed to have a meeting with Amara from accounting too?" 

"No, I cancelled that" Castiel said.

"Why?" Dean asked. 

"Because she's a crazy bi-" 

"Smith!" 

Both men looked over to see Zachariah Adler approaching them. 

"What the hell?" Dean whispered to Cas. "I haven't even had my coffee yet, I can't deal with him." 

"I'll handle it" Castiel murmured as he stood up. "Wait" he said as stood up and made a halt gesture in Adler's direction. Alder stopped and glared at Castiel with a perturbed frown. "How may I help you?" Castiel asked.

"I want to talk to Smith." 

"Mr. Smith isn't available at the moment." 

"He's standing right there!" 

"No, no, I’m afraid he’s very busy" Castiel said as he opened the office door and ushered Dean inside. 

Adler scoffed. "This is ridiculous." 

"No, what's ridiculous is that you think you can drop in on a busy man like Mr. Smith without an appointment" Castiel retorted. "Now, you can take a seat and wait for me to announce you, as is proper, or you can make an appointment for a later time." 

"How dare you speak to me like this!?" Adler spat. "I am your superior! I ought to fire you this instant." 

"Well then I'm afraid you'll be looking for a new director of sales because if I go then so will Mr. Smith" Castiel claimed. "He is rather fond of me. And I know he's the best salesman you have so there is no way you would risk losing him." 

Adler took a deep breath. "I'll be back at three" he said through gritted teeth.

Castiel calmly sat down at his computer and typed in silence for a couple of minutes. He could see that Adler was getting even more impatient as time dragged on.

"He can't do three-"

"Forget it!" Adler said as he threw his arm in the air with exasperation. "I'll just send him an e-mail!" 

"Oh, so you have heard of those" Castiel mumbled to himself as Adler stormed away. 

Dean came out of his office laughing.

"Cas, man, you're a miracle worker" he said as he squeezed his secretary’s shoulder.

"That's why you hired me" Castiel smiled. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to make a sword to go with my hat" he said as he grabbed a bunch of paper. “My niece has challenged me to a duel.”

Dean shook his head with disbelief.

"Cas, you know I'm way more than just fond of you, right?" 

"I do, Mr. Smith." 

A week later Dean arrived at work to find that Castiel was absent. He went into his office and was taken by surprise when he found a bunch of flowers on his desk. There was a note attached which read:

Dean, I've really missed our meetings and I can't stop thinking about you. I hope you get well soon, love Amara xxx 

"Get well soon?" Dean murmured confusedly.

There was a knock on the door and Castiel entered carrying some smoothies.

"Good morning, Mr. Smith" he smiled. "I finished your schedule early so I went to get you a kale smoothie since you insist on being on this ridiculous diet."

"There's nothing wrong with being healthy, Cas" Dean reasoned as he took the smoothie. "Thanks." 

"Well, I'll stick to caramel" Castiel said as he took a sip of his own drink. 

"Do you know what this is supposed to mean?" Dean asked as he handed Cas the note from Amara.

"Ah..." Castiel said sheepishly. 

Dean sighed as he sat as his desk. "Cas, what did you say?" 

"Nothing!" Castiel said defensively as he sat at the opposite side of Dean's desk. "I might have simply implied to Amara that you were recovering from bronchitis." 

"Why would you do that?" Dean asked incredulously. 

"Because I don't think you should be around her" Castiel reasoned. "She stalks you. She just comes up with idiotic excuses to meet you every other day; she makes inappropriate comments and leaves even more inappropriate gifts." 

"What's so inappropriate about flowers?" Dean asked.

"Trust me I have confiscated many things that she's obviously bought from stores you have to be over eighteen to enter" Castiel said. "I don't understand why you won't go to human resources about her. She's one step away from groping you-"

"Cas, that's enough" Dean said sternly. "Look, I know that Amara is a little-" 

"-insane" Castiel cut in. 

"Intense" Dean said. "But I can't avoid her forever. Besides, as soon as she thinks I've recovered she's going to want to set up another meeting. I appreciate you looking out for me but I can handle her, alright?" 

"Alright" Castiel nodded. "I understand. I have to find a long term solution." 

Dean sighed. "Cas, no. You've done the opposite and ignored everything I just said." 

"With all due respect, Mr. Smith, I am your secretary, which means it is my job to take care of you and make sure that your days run smoothly. That includes dealing with Amara." 

"Well could you at least say that like you're not going to murder her?" Dean asked. 

Castiel raised his eyebrow and smirked before standing up and heading out of the office. 

"Cas, that wasn't a suggestion" Dean called desperately. "Cas?!" 

Dean did not ask about Amara again until a few days later, mostly because he was scared of the answer. He and Cas were in his office eating lunch when he decided to bring it up.

"So, I haven't heard from Amara since the flowers..." 

"That's because I told her we were engaged." 

Dean was silent for a few moments as he processed the statement. "You did what now?"

"I figured that if Amara thought you were in a permanent relationship she would back off." 

"What if she tells people?" Dean fretted.

"She won't. She won't want anyone to know that she's been lying about your undying love for her." 

"I don't think that combating her with another lie gives you the moral high ground" Dean said uncertainly. 

"Well if you don't want it to be a lie you better find me a diamond ring" Castiel replied. 

Dean burst out laughing. "How are you both the best and the worst secretary I've ever had?" he asked.

Castiel shrugged. "It's a fine line to walk, but I manage." 

There was a knock on the door. Castiel got up and answered it.

"Oh, Mr. Wesson, what a pleasant surprise" he smiled as he stepped aside. 

"Dude, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Sam" the young man insisted. "You're way above me in the pecking order." 

"That doesn't mean you deserve any less respect" Castiel insisted. 

"Yeah, Cas is only an ass to his superiors" Dean pointed out. 

"They deserve it" Castiel said with a smirk at his boss. "What can we do for you, Sam?" He asked kindly as he turned back to the IT assistant. 

"Well, you know how I kinda, sorta...hate my job?" Sam asked sheepishly. Dean nodded. "Well, they just announced that they're looking for a paralegal in the legal department, which is something I'm way more interested in, and I was wondering if you could give me a reference so that I could apply." 

"Yeah, of course!" Dean grinned. "That's awesome, Sammy. Stay and grab a bite with us and we'll talk things over." 

"Thanks that would be great! I'll just go get something from the cafeteria-" 

"That's okay, I'll get you something for the executives lounge" Castiel said. He snatched Dean's wallet off his desk. "Mr. Smith is paying." He left before Dean or Sam could protest.

Sam laughed. "He really does go above and beyond." 

"Yeah, well, he can be disrespectful as hell but I don't know what I'd do without him" Dean said.

"No, Dean, he goes way beyond" Sam stressed. "He's crazy protective of you." 

"I tell him to rein it in sometimes but he won't listen." 

Sam sighed. "It's not a bad thing. It's a...unique thing. You seriously haven't noticed?" 

Dean frowned in contemplation. 

"You...you're saying that Cas is into me?" 

"I'm not saying anything" Sam said as he held up his hands defensively. "I just think it could be a possibility." 

"I don't think so, man. I'm not even sure Cas has feelings." 

"Okay" Sam said dismissively. "Sorry, I thought you would have noticed, and it’s not really my place.”

"It's okay, we're friends" Dean assured him. "But Cas and I are a good team. I don't want to say anything that could jeopardize that." 

"Yeah, of course" Sam said understandingly.

But that did not put Dean’s mind at ease.

The following evening Dean was attending an elegant gala after work to smooth over some potential investors, so he had brought a fresh suit to change into at the office.

He was struggling with his bowtie when Cas entered.

“Mr. Smith, your car has arrived.”

“Thanks. Sorry, Cas, I didn’t realize you were still here” Dean said.

“Well, I couldn’t leave. I knew you were going to need help” Castiel smiled as he indicated to Dean’s tie.

“Cas, you come to work with a backwards tie every morning” Dean sighed as he stood up.

“Yeah, well, I learned to tie them on other people in case of such incidents as this” Castiel said as he took over. “There” he said after a few moments of straightening the tie out. “You are ready to go schmoozing, Mr. Bond.”

Dean smiled softly. “Thanks, Moneypenny.”

“She was actually M’s assistant” Castiel pointed out. “She and Bond just…fooled around at the office” he ended with a wink.

Dean laughed. “We could fool around at the office” he teased.

“Mmm…well if we ever do it’s going to be in Adler’s office” Castiel said seriously. “That would be a big middle finger in his smug face.”

Dean laughed. “Sure. Anyway, I better go. Have a good night.”

“I’m going home to watch Game of Thrones and eat left over Chinese food with my cat; my night is gonna be way better than yours.”

Dean smiled at him again before heading out of the office.

He was waiting for the elevator when his conversation with Sam started playing in his mind again. He thought about all the times Castiel had stood up for him against insufferable co-workers, how at ease they were with each other, and how no matter how crappy the day was they always made each other laugh. They did not have a typical boss/employee relationship, but Dean loved it.  He supposed there really was only one way to find out if the flirtatious banter meant anything more to Cas too.

He hurried back down the hall to find Castiel pulling on his trench coat as he got ready to leave.

“Cas!”

“Mr. Smith?” Castiel asked concernedly as Dean looked a little out of sorts.

“Listen, I really hate going to these things” Dean confessed. “They’re so boring, but…I just thought that maybe if you came with me we could get drunk on expensive champagne we didn’t have to pay for and make of fun what everyone is wearing. Maybe we could go get pizza afterwards? The food they serve is always portioned for ants.”

“That does sound like fun” Castiel smirked.

“Right?” Dean beamed.  “So, what do you say?”

“It’s a date” Castiel smiled.

“Yeah” Dean grinned with equal enthusiasm. “It’s a date.”  

[ariannnawinchester]

Better late than Never

Characters: Dean, Reader, Sam, Jess, Meg, Charlie and Amara.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Just swearing. And waaaaay too many eye rolls and sarcastic scowls. FLUFF! (Dean being a sweety)

Summary: College Au. Everyone meets up for drinks as friends usually do and things take a very interesting turn. The reader finally admits how she feels.

A/N: This is for @dancingalone21​‘s AU Funny quote Challenge and I picked, “I have this code. No cash for ass.” I just wanna say congrats on 2K followers, your work is stellar and you deserve everyone of them. I hope everyone enjoys reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this. Thank you for reading and if you thought it was great, feedback would be appreciated. Lots of love!

You weren’t even supposed to be out tonight, you were supposed to be stuck in your room with your head buried in your biology books and studying for the test on Monday. But, here you were standing at  the counter of a bar Charlie worked at because Meg, was way too persuasive for her own good.

“I don’t want a beer” you whined and pouted like a spoiled child, “I want shots, preferably vodka or whiskey because tonight we get to meet Dean’s lovely new girlfriend.” you rolled your eyes with a sarcastic scowl on your lips

Jess scoffed, some beer flying out of her mouth as she tried to choke down her laughter, “Wait, how many is it now? Like five or six  in one month?”

“Uhh, try eight.” you stated.

Meg looked over her shoulder at Jess and you, “Yeah, the librarian’s assistant and Anna. To be entirely honest, Dean gets more ass than a toilet seat.”

You couldn’t help yourself, laughter bellowed out of your chest as you held onto the counter trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t forget psycho Lydia.” you heard Sam’s voice behind you as he wrapped you into a bear hug and went to give Jess a kiss hello.

“Trust me no one is gonna forget that one.” You stifled a chuckle as Meg began to stick her index finger in her mouth and make gag gestures.

“Oh, she made sure everyone in our building heard her having multiple big O’s. She’s just a drama queen.” Jess stated, disapproval coating her voice, “I can’t believe she leaves her adorable baby girl every night just to hook up.”

“That’s kinda why she got pregnant in the first place.” Charlie added her commentary when she popped up from the other side of the bar counter.

“Damn it!” you grasped at your chest, “You scared me Red.”

She giggled, winking at you then placed the whole bottle of vodka on the counter, “A gift from me to my beautiful friends.” she cocked to her head to the side and grinned, “especially for Y/N because I heard tonight you get to meet the new bird that’s been pecking after Dean.”

You rolled your eyes at Charlie, faking your annoyance, “Less talking Red and more drink pouring. I wanna pass out and get carried to the car like Meg last weekend.”

“Heeeeey!” Meg squealed in offence, but then her lips turned into a sloppy grin, “It was a great night. I finally got a chance to get into Cas’ neatly pressed chino pants.”

“What?!” Jess exclaimed whilst the rest of you stared with wide eyes and mouths agape, “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!”

“What?” Meg shrugged, a smug smile on her face, “You all were dancing and we were alone. In the laundry room. I gotta say those months I spent pining over his pretty face was so worth it.” then she turned to face you, “Now it’s time for you to make your move. Dean’s blind. You have to spell it out to him. Or you’re gonna be waiting for him for your whole life.”

The atmosphere suddenly changed and you felt all their eyes settle on you. They hated seeing you pine after him for all these years, yet you never had the courage to say anything. You didn’t want to change the dynamic because once you unsettled things, there was absolutely no way to go back. You were afraid. It was weird, guys never ruffled your feathers, you never had a problem with getting them or keeping them but when it came to Dean, all your wits leapt out off the window and all you could do is stare at his pretty face until you snapped out of your daydream, where he was hopelessly in love with you as well.

Trying to ease the tension, “Come on guys, then i’d be having so much sex that we won’t have time to hang out.” you joked, punching Sam playfully in the arm, “Besides I get the feeling all of you will miss my cute little face way too much.”

You let out a deep breath when the chorus of laughter filled your ears, conversation diverted! Mission accomplished! Just as you were about to do another shot, Jess nudged you in the ribs whilst she motioned with her eyes to the direction of the door. You gulped at the sight of Dean and a girl clinging onto him. Unconsciously, your face had twisted into a disgusted scowl which earned you narrowed eyes from Charlie at the end of the bar counter, as if to say play nice.

How could you? This girl was a disaster. Where does he find them? You tried reasoning to yourself that maybe she was a great person but you could feel the jealousy boiling beneath your skin.

“What the fuck?” Meg mouthed at you before turning to face Dean and his date with a megawatt smile.

“Vodka!” she squealed, reaching for the bottle on the counter which caused her already tiny skirt to hike up higher displaying her butt cheek which didn’t concern her at all, “Can I borrow your glass? I’m borrowing your glass.” she said way too excitedly, before prying the shot glass out of your hand.

Everyone watched on with stunned expressions on their faces, just blinking at her. You could see heat rise up to Dean cheeks as he turned to everyone with a sheepish embarrassed smile on his face.

“You’re Amara right?” Sam attempting to make conversation.

“Yip, Amara. That’s me.” her speech on the verge of being slurred, “I was so excited to go out with Dean and to meet you guys. You are all so cool. I was passed out last weekend, you know at the party, and Dean helped me” she downed another shot then smiled goofily

Midst this chaos, Dean’s eyes met yours , sparks flying as usual but this time instead of staring on, you looked away and asked, “So you go here, to Stanford ? I’ve never seen you around.”

She giggled, the sound annoying you even though it really shouldn’t, “I go here.” her fingers gesturing quotation marks, “Just because my parents forced me, ya know? I wanna travel the world and party until I drop. Because what’s life without a little fun.”

“Riiiiiight.” the word dripping with cynicism out of Jess’ nude pink painted lips.

Half a bottle of vodka later, Amara had tugged Meg onto the dancefloor. If looks could kill she would have been dead five minutes ago and brutally by the looks of the murderous rage in poor Meg’s eyes

“Sorry.” you mouthed to her and shrugged with a grin on your face.

“Hey.” Dean’s gravelly voice tickled your ear, suddenly making your body way too aware of his close proximity, “are you still not talking to me?”

You pursed your lips, looking way more irritated than you were and still not turning to face him, “what makes you think that I’m ignoring you?”

“I sent you like a 500 hundred texts and you responded by saying K.” he whispers in your ear furiously.

You turn towards him and shoot him a death glare, his green eyes softening at the anger he could feel radiating off you, “You know I have a life and it doesn’t revolve around you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he narrowed his eyes, his pouty lips curling into an annoyed snarl.

“Nothing.” you plastered a fake smile onto your face, “It means nothing. You sure she’s not a hooker? Trying to swindle you?” you couldn’t help the scoff that bubbled in your throat.

“Me? With a hooker? Never gonna happen.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“See, I have this code. No cash for ass.” he smirked, looking at you with a smoldering gaze as he took a swing of beer.

“Fair enough. Dean “The stud” Winchester.” you said in the tartiest voice you could muster. “I still don’t get it though.” you shook your head at him, “how do you even choose them? Do you not want an actual relationship?”

He only answered after a moment passed, your heart thrumming in your ears because you feared what he might say, “Look at Sammy and Jess.” he pointed to them as they were snuggled together in a corner booth, eyes only on each other, “That’s what I want. No games, no tricks, just the promise of being together no matter what. And right now, chicks just wanna fuck. I’m not complaining but sometime I just wish-”

“For more.” you were hanging onto his every word, you hadn’t even realized your lips were just inches away from his, you could smell his beer/peppermint breath that was fanning across your lips.

“Y/N. You wanna know why I’ve never asked you out?”

“Why?” the word barely came out of your mouth. Your chest was heaving, your breathing unsteady because his gaze made you feel like the only girl in the room.

“Because when I ask you to be my girl, it’s not going to be for a few weeks or months or years. I want it to be forever. I want you to be sure that you want to be with me forever. I don’t want you to break my heart and I don’t want to hurt you because you deserve more than that. You’re the girl that I wanna marry.”

He set your blood on fire and sent it racing through your veins. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes to calm yourself before you cupped his scruffy cheek, “Dean I was sure the moment I saw you, freshmen year.”

“Finally.” he whispers, pressing his lips to yours and taking your breath away, “Finally.” he shouts so the whole bar can hear, “She finally admits it.”

You furrow your brows, confused when everyone drops what they are doing and starts to clap and cheer for you and Dean. You glance at Jess and Sam and they are hooting, then at Charlie who is whistling, at Meg who throws you a naughty wink and then at Amara who’s clapping louder than everyone.

“No way!” the realization dawns on you as Dean wraps his arms around your waist, “You planned this. And to think I was going to punch you for being a man whore.”

A loud rich laugh made his chest rumble just before he took your face in his hands and kissed you so soft and tender, it made your knees go weak. The years pining for him was so worth it, if this is how the rest of your life with him is going to be.

[lovethediseasedkillerpuppy]

1) I know I’m late to the party, but about your question about the brother double standards.. I know people have already written some great answers, but I still wanted to comment.. As you know, I’m a Dean girl, so let’s get the bias question out of the way, yes, I have a Dean bias. But also my bias has developed while watching the show, before starting to watch I had no reason to favour one brother over the other. And… this is going to be long! (tbc)

2) Let’s start with the demon blood / MoC. Sam started using demon blood to kill Lilith, he had good intentions and they didn’t have a better way (I think, it’s been a while since I last re-watched?). Dean took the MoC because it was the only way to kill Abaddon, he had good intentions. But both of those decisions had consequences, and the brothers had very different ways to face those consequences. After Lilith was dead Sam did not stop his habit, he didn’t want to stop. 3) Demon blood made him stronger but it came with a price. He was a danger to others (including his own brother) but he didn’t care, because now he was stronger and “better” than Dean. Whereas Dean had very different reaction to the effect the MoC had on him. He tried everything and anything he could to control himself. So, here we have the brothers out of control by an outside force. 4) In the end Dean realised he was out of control and he was willing to pay a high price, he was willing to spend the rest of eternity alone in isolation so that he couldn’t harm anyone. However when the moment of truth came he could not do the ONE thing he had to do and that was, he couldn’t kill his little brother. Whereas Sam, when he was out of control he almost DID kill his big brother just because he could. He did NOT try to do the right thing and rid himself of demon blood. 5) Also there’s a difference between what the brothers did to help each other. Both tried to help against the others’ wishes. However, Dean trying to help Sam to kick his addiction did not have great cosmic consequences. Sam did suffer but no other lives were in danger because of Dean’s actions. But Sam, he went against Dean’s wishes about the MoC and released the darkness in to the universe and nearly caused the universe to cease to exist (had Dean not saved the day, and well, the universe). 6) Dean did get blamed for Amara, but it was Sam who released her. Well, Cas and Charlie helped, but it was really Sam who was in charge. Rowena was kidnapped and forced to help so she wasn’t at fault. What about Dean killing Amy vs Sam killing Emma. Sam fails this test epically. Amy was a monster that was killing humans. Yes, long time ago she saved Sam and it’s understandable that Sam didn’t want to kill her. But Dean made the right call. 7) But Emma hadn’t killed anyone. And there was the possibility to take control of the situation without killing her. Now, normally, I don’t feel sorry for a monster who gets killed while threatening Dean BUT this was Dean’s daughter who was brainwashed. DEAN deserved to try to get through to her. But ok, let’s say it was done for Dean’s benefit by a little brother trying to protect his big brother. But part of his motive was revenge. And that crosses another line. 8) He killed Dean’s DAUGHTER to revenge for Dean killing a monster that had already killed people. That’s so horrible I don’t even have words. “You killed someone I once cared about because they did something bad so I kill your daughter because she might do something bad”? Those are NOT equal actions. (As much as I hated that they gave Dean a monster daughter, so I don’t really blame Sam for this, but it does say something about the character you can’t just ignore.)   9) (I think, I got lost with the count) Ok, then Dean/Lisa vs Sam/Amelia vs Dean/Benny. I put Dean/Benny there because I see there is a parallel between Sam/Amelia and Dean/Benny more than Dean/Lisa, but let’s look at all three. When Dean moved in with Lisa after Sam fell in to pit, there were no lose ends. He had lost his brother and he tried to move on with his life. He tried to leave hunting behind and he partly succeeded. 10) However, at the first sign of supernatural trouble at his neighbourhood he did what he could to protect the neighbourhood and his family. But Sam, ok if you want to forgive him for not looking for his brother (I don’t) that actually can be explained away. But he abandoned hunting KNOWING that there are other loose ends, namely Kevin. I won’t even get in to that more, it was wrong, there’s no excuse. Also after getting back from the purgatory Sam had NO right to be upset with Dean being upset 11) The difference here also after the pit, Sam was out but he never went to Dean. Ok, he was soulless then so let’s forgive him. But after purgatory dean had every right to be hurt and Sam should have acknowledged that.. There’s not really anything that compares to when Sam got back from the pit. But Dean did try to balance hunting and family life and it ended very badly. He could tell Sam from the experience that it can’t be done. 12) Sam could have chosen Amelia, but he chose Dean in the end, just like Dean chose Sam over Benny. But while Dean wasn’t a fan of Amelia, Sam wanted to murder Benny. At this point Benny was one of the good monsters. HE had helped Dean out of purgatory when Sam hadn’t even bothered to look for his brother. Sam had no right to hate Benny THAT much, even if he was jealous. 13) Ok, one more issue. The teasing between brothers. Is it the same when Dean calls Sam a nerd and Sam makes Dean feel like he’s stupid? No, it isn’t. The nerd comments can be counted as brotherly teasing, is it nice? no, but that’s siblings for you. Especially since Dean teases Sam about books and liking to read and knowing so much about the lore. But we know Dean actually also reads and knows a lot about the lore. But Sam makes Dean feel stupid. 14) I don’t actually know what to say if you can’t see how that’s different. Teasing your brother or making them feel less than so that you could feel smarter. One is abusive one is not. Ok, I think I’m done for now. SORRY for flooding your inbox with the longest ask / comment I’ve ever sent.. But I had apparently lot to say about the issue. (I hope my rant makes sense I got tired of writing it in the end..)  

[imagine-it-like-this]

Title: Talking Dirty Relationships: Rowena/reader Genres: Romance

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Being cursed by a witch while on a hunt was nothing new for me.

Having the truth curse cast on me, however, was something completely different.

It was Castiel who found me wandering the streets, yelling at random passersby the first things that came into my mind at the sight of them – which happened to be quite offensive, prompting a few to start a small mob that chased me all the way over to Castiel's car, which provided a safe refuge from the shouting, grocery-throwing people.

The angel was confused, especially after I started saying some rather inappropriate things about my daydreams involving him, his trench coat, and his tie, but after I explained the situation, he was more than willing to help. He called the Winchesters and was told to bring me straight to the bunker. Apparently, they knew just the right person to fix it.

"You know, Castiel, you'd look so much better without that shirt on," I said, hating every word that came out of my mouth.

The angel was visibly uncomfortable, and my constant dirty comments about him, the Winchesters, and even Crowley, comments that even demon Dean would have disapproved of, all the way over to the bunker only made the situation worse.

The moment I walked through the heavy door, Castiel breathed a sigh of relief, glad to have finally gotten rid of me.

One other person wasn't so lucky.

Sam and Dean greeted me in the hall, beside them a tiny, red-haired figure bearing a sweet smile that was so unlike her usual snide ones.

My heart swelled with delight at the sight of her, my eyes absorbing the every bit of beauty radiating from her gorgeous form. Rowena was dressed in black and red, her attire clinging to her body like it was made specifically for her, the elegant fabric hugging her delicious curves in all the right ways, exactly the way I liked it. Her dark heels made her appear a tad taller, though she was still nowhere near as tall as me.

That only made her more appealing. There was something about her being so tiny that made her all the more delectable.

"Hello, dear," she said, giving me a small wave.

The brothers and Castiel had a rather turbulent past with her; past full of attempted murder and botched spells, all of which seemed to have been forgotten by now after she'd joined them in defeating Amara and helped Dean regain his stolen memories.

I, on the other hand, had no such encounters with the witch. We've exchanged a few snarky comments, but there was nothing to our relationship that could even hint at hostility. I used to bring her food and tea when the Winchesters would capture her, reassuring her that they would release her instead of killing her and promising that I would personally see to it that they do as they'd said, and in turn she'd tell me stories about her life on the run and teach me a few life-saving spells that ended up being quite useful in times of need.

She never even looked at me threateningly, let alone did anything to harm me. She treated me like I treated her, and that was part of the reason I fell in love with her.

I mean, what was not to love?

She was hot, always dressed impeccably, had the best quips, and her hair was the most beautiful reddest red I had ever seen. She could drive me crazy with her voice alone, that accent of hers always a welcome melody to my ears.

I smiled at her, hoping my truth-bound mouth wouldn't reveal something I'd regret later on.

All my hopes and dreams were crushed a mere second later when I meant to say a shy "hi", but what came out was a rather confident: "You look so hot right now."

Rowena raised a curious eyebrow, while Sam and Dean exchanged glances that said this turn of events didn't surprise them as much as it should have. I guess I should have tried harder to hide my true feelings around them.

Not that it would have helped me much right now.

"I mean, you always look hot," I continued, digging myself deeper, "but those colors?" I whistled like Dean did to waitresses when he was drunk. "Damn, girl! You're smokin'!"

A moment of uncomfortable silence ensued, with Sam and Castiel looking back and forth between me and the wall which, for some reason, they found rather interesting, while Dean just grinned at me like a proud older brother.

I expected Rowena to be offended, but she looked rather amused by my comments. Her lips curled into a smirk, eyes looking me up and down the same way mine did her.

"The curse's got ye good, I see," she commented.

"Can you fix it?" Sam inquired.

Now she looked offended, shooting him a glare that had surely killed before. "Who do ye think ye're talkin' to, Samuel? Of course I can fix it!"

"Do it soon, please," I said, then my mouth went into honesty mode again, spewing out: "Do me soon."

"Temptin', but I'm gonna have to decline," she quipped.

Any other time rejection would have hurt me, but now it was a blessing.

"I can pay you," I offered, immediately regretting it, especially after seeing the look on her face. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, but I can't stop. I don't really mean that."

Only yes, I did. I meant every single thing. I wanted her more than anything in the world. I craved her like a predator craves its prey, desired her in ways I've never desired anyone before.

"I'm not trying to be rude to you, I swear."

"No need to apologize," she told me, then turned back to Sam and Dean. "Ye lads have a private room I could use for the spell?"

"You sure?" Sam asked, taking in the look of pure lust spread across my shame-stricken face.

"Don't ye worry about me, Samuel. She won't hurt me."

"Unless you want me to," I said, sending her a grin and wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.

Rowena chuckled. "She's harmless."

"She's a hunter," Dean pointed out.

"One who is obviously smitten with me. I'll be fine."

"Okay, fine," Sam gave in, pointing to the end of the hall. "The last one on the left."

"Thank ye."

"Does this mean we get to be alone?" I beamed. "You gonna fuck me?"

"I'm goin' to have to disappoint ye on that one, darlin'."

I pouted, then thought up a compromise. "You can always let me fuck you."

"The answer is still no." She walked over to me, taking me by the forearm. "Come now. Let's fix ye up."

"I come for you all the time!" I said, instantly hating myself for it. "You're so hot. I like to imagine–"

"Please, don't finish that thought," she said, while Dean snorted, prompting Rowena to shoot him a deadly glare.

"I wish I could stop, but I can't," I whined.

"That's what I'm here for, dear," she assured me. "Just relax."

"Relax. Yeah. Sure. I can do that."

I took a deep breath in hopes it would help.

It didn't.

"Y'know, I started watching redhead porn because of you."

Dean grinned like a child at a supermarket. "It's good, isn't it?"

"The best!" I exclaimed, happy to have found someone who shared my interests.

If only those interests remained in the safety of my head.

I could tell Rowena was trying her hardest to ignore my remarks, but there were well hidden traces of discomfort on her face. When this was all over, I told myself, I was going to take her out to dinner and apologize for my vile behavior. Out of everyone, she was the one who least deserved it. She's always been nothing but kind to me, and the things I've said to her today would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Willingly or not, that was no way to treat a person you loved.

She deserved better.

"Your hair…" I took a strand to inspect it, playing with it like a curious kitten. "It's so…"

"Bouncy, I know," she said, smiling as she lead me into the lone room and closed the door behind us.

"Bouncy," I agreed. "I want to grab it and pull it really hard and have you scream my name as I fuck you."

"That is quite an elaborate fantasy," she noticed.

"I thought about it a lot."

"I can see that."

"A lot."

"Yes, I gathered that."

"A really, really lot. Like, every day when I'm in the bath and every morning before I get up."

"I get it," she said firmly.

My face fell, tears prickling at my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Rowena. I can't stop."

Her expression softened. "I know, dear." She patted my back in comfort. "It's not yer fault."

"Isn't it? I do mean those things. I just don't want to say them out loud. I'm so sorry for being so nasty to you, but everything I said is how I really feel. You're hot. You turn me on. Every time I look at you, the only thing I can think about is how I want to pin you against the nearest wall and have my way with you."

"We all have our desires," she said in a fake casual tone, attempting to remain calm, but I could see that my confession shook her to the core. She put her bag atop the desk and started picking out the ingredients for the spell. "Some of us are better at keepin' them to ourselves than others."

What was that supposed to mean? Was it possible that she felt something for me? Could she have loved me like I loved her?

That's impossible, my sanity said, remembering all those times she'd made it clear she could love nothing and no one, yet my heart swelled with joy at the thought of the possibility that her feelings matched mine.

"So you love me?" I said before I could stop myself – though I doubted it was even worth a try. It would have come out whether I wanted it to or not.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't deny it, either."

She was quick to change the subject. "The potion is ready," she announced. "I just need to cast the incantation."

"You didn't answer my question," I prodded.

"I'm busy."

Yup, she was definitely hiding something. There had to have been more than she was willing to let on. I couldn't blame her. Rowena was an old soul, used to betrayal and solitude. It was only natural that she wanted to hide her vulnerabilities for everyone she'd ever come across had tried to use them against her.

Except for me. I have, and would, never hurt her like that, never used her or abused her. I loved her exactly the way she was, with all her quirks and flaws. I would rather die than do anything to harm her.

My eyes fell upon the lone, dusty bed standing by the wall, and if I were an anime character, they would have morphed into shiny, glittery hearts.

"I wanna handcuff you to this bed," I said, thinking of ways to make her even busier.

"And I want a treasure chest," Rowena deadpanned.

"If I get you one, will you let me handcuff you to the bed?"

"No."

It was worth a try.

"You sound so hot when you speak Latin, you know that?" I said as she began to read from her spell book.

She shot me an amused glance, prompting me to giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush. Which wasn't that far from what I actually was.

"If we had sex, I'd want you to dirty talk me in Latin."

Now this made her chuckle.

"I thought French was the language of love," she commented, putting the book back in her bag as she finished the spell.

I huffed. "I hate French. So overrated."

"Perhaps," she allowed, walking over to me and holding up the potion. "It's done. Ye ready?"

I took it from her, inspecting it. It was purple in color, like potions in movies about evil witches, the only thing missing being the thick, white vapor hovering over the surface. It smelled of honey mixed with mint, an unusual scent I found myself taking quite a liking to.

"Let me just say one more thing before I take this," I said, taking in a deep breath to prepare myself for the confession that would surely cause me issues once this whole honesty thing is done and over with.

Rowena looked reluctant. "I don't think–"

"I'm gonna say it," I cut her off. "I kinda can't stop."

She smiled tightly. "Right. Go on, then, dear."

"I love you, Rowena. I've loved you for… ages, it seems. At first I thought you were just another witch, but once I got to know you I realized you're so much more. I know you've done horrible things, but so have I. So has everyone. I love you in spite of everything. I don't care what you've done or what you'll do in the future. I really don't. All I care about is you. You're so hot and sweet and perfect and sexy and I can't help wanting you in ways I really shouldn't. You're it for me. I know you probably don't feel the same way, but I needed you to know."

With that I brought the potion to my lips, gulping the entirety of it down in one go.

I expected seizures or lights flickering or my body twisting into unnatural positions like bodies of possessed people did in exorcism movies, but in actuality, I felt nothing. The potion tasted sweet, reminding me of those tiny multivitamin juices my mom used to buy me when I was a kid, and a small pang of nostalgia clenched at my heart, but other than that, nothing.

Swallowing a huge lump that formed in my throat, I looked up to face Rowena once more. A look of fear crossed my features, slowly taken over by embarrassment. My cheeks flushed deep, bright red, matching the ruby hanging around her neck. What have I done? How could I have said all those things, out loud, to her face, all at once? How could I have even thought of such things?

Against my expectations, Rowena looked rather calm. Too calm for someone who'd just been professed love for by their friend.

"Rowena, I…"

She held up a hand. "Ye don't have to say anythin'."

"I really do." Though, I thought, I've probably said enough. "Like, a lot."

"Ye really don't," she insisted. "I–"

"I'm sorry," I cut her off.

The red of my cheeks brightened, as did my shame, and I started waving my hands around in wild gestures.

"I shouldn't have said any of that. I really do," I gulped, choking on my words, "love you, and I… I think you're hot and sweet and so fucking sexy, but I should've kept it to myself. You and I… we're friends. I'm not gonna ask for any favors or try to guilt you into anything. I know it – we – can never happen and it's fine. I'm okay with that. Can we, please, just act like nothing happened? We don't ever have to mention it again. Ever. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Lose me?" She looked genuinely surprised. "Darlin', what makes ye think I wanna leave ye?"

Confusion washed over my face as my heartbeat fastened, loudly thudding against my chest. Was it possible that I was right? That she really did feel something for me?

It couldn't be!

Rowena was a lovely creature, full of hidden depths and raw beauty, but she wasn't one to fall in love.

Was she?

"I'll admit, yer words took me aback a wee bit, but what ye said isn't exactly one-sided," she admitted. I could tell it took all of her willpower to get the words to leave her trembling lips. "When I met ye, I thought ye were like any other hunter. But ye've shown me kindness. Ye've stood by me when everyone else'd abandoned me, taken care of me when I've most needed ye. Remember when ye brought me tea when Samuel imprisoned me? That was when I started growing fond of ye."

I remembered that day very well. I'd told Sam it wasn't fair to trick her like that, to just leave her all alone in a damp room, but he'd insisted it was for the best. So I'd brought her a cup of tea and engaged in small talk as I'd sipped on my own cup, adamant in keeping her company. My first impression of her wasn't great, but seeing her caged up like that, all alone and miserable, made me feel bad for her. Nobody deserved to be treated like that, not even wicked witches such as her.

She'd praised my tea, and I'd started visiting her more often, bringing food and drinks. I'd talked to her, listened to what she'd had to say, something, according to her stories, not that many people had bothered to do. It was then that I'd started noticing her softer side, one she'd done her best to keep from the outside world. She'd stopped being attractive just on the outside – I'd began to see internal beauty matching the external one, and it didn't take long for me to fall in deep.

Even when she'd freed herself and cursed Castiel; even when she'd fallen for Lucifer, and later on joined Amara, that kind side of hers had never left my mind. Whenever I'd see her do something bad, I'd think of the Rowena only I had had the privilege of meeting – the girl who'd had nothing, but wanted everything; the girl betrayed by everyone she'd ever trusted; the girl who'd deserved so much better, yet had been refused a chance to prove herself.

In those few months I'd thought her dead, it felt as though my entire world had crumbled down and shattered into millions of pieces like fragile glass.

Seeing her again had brought me the greatest joy.

And now, saying those things to her brought everything back. The pain of losing her was real once again as dark thoughts flooded my mind, images of her angry face, of her back, of the door being slammed in my face flashing before my eyes.

To hear that she had feelings for me felt unreal. I expected for the fantasy to shatter at any moment, to be shaken awake into a cruel reality where I was alone and she went far away and wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

Lucky for me, this happened to be my reality. And in this one, Rowena was far from finished with me.

"Ye're a sweet girl, Y/N. I'm glad ye took the first step, even if ye were cursed, because I would've never been able to say this otherwise."

She sent me one of her rare warm smiles that could melt the coldest of hearts, one of those kind ones that made me fall for her.

"It's still not easy for me to admit this, but…" She swallowed, taking a breath to compose herself. "I love ye."

For a moment I've been waiting for for years, my response was a rather stupid: "You what?"

Rowena thinned her lips. "I love ye."

I blinked, still in shock.

"Shall I say it one more time?"

"No, it's fine," I said quickly, my breathing fastening. "I got it. I think."

To quote Castiel: I don't got it.

Rowena observed me, eyes trailing up and down my body before finally locking back with mine. "Say somethin'," she told me, visibly shaken by my reaction, frightened of what was to come.

"I…"

What was I supposed to say?

How does one acknowledge, in words, that their wildest dreams had just come true and their insides felt like they were on fire and their heart was beating so fast it could explode?

How does one put a storm of stirring emotions that arose suddenly, all at the same time, and burned in their head like wildfire, in words?

Instead of trying to come up with a good response, I said: "Can I kiss you?"

Rowena's beautiful smile widened. "Of course ye can!"

I pulled her to me, crashing my lips into hers. She tasted delicious, like fresh strawberries in the heart of Spring, sour around the edges, but sweet in her core. I've kissed plenty of people before – men and women – but none could compare to the perfection that was her. I wasn't certain whether it was her magic or nature, but the way she moved, hungered, claimed made my legs turn into jelly, my knees wobbling under the intense pressure of her kiss.

Wrapping my arms around her neck, I brought her closer, deepening the kiss. She was an experienced lover, and that was exactly what I needed – someone to lead, to take control and bring me to the very edge of absolute pleasure I so desperately craved.

"That was…" I whispered as we parted, both gasping for breath,

Rowena chuckled. "Intense."

"Yeah," I agreed. "You're very good at this."

"Ye're not so bad, yerself," she teased.

"I can be even better if you teach me."

She raised on her tiptoes and pressed her forehead against mine. "So ye wouldn't be opposed to this turnin' into somethin' more?"

"Are you kidding me?" My hands reached for hers, our fingers entwining into gentle knots. "I'd want nothing more."

She sighed in relief. "Good."

I pulled on a small smile. "Thank you, Rowena."

"What for?"

"Removing the curse."

"It was nothin', darlin'."

"I appreciate it."

"I know ye do. Kiss me again, will ye? Let us seal this deal."

Without another word, I did as she asked, immersing myself into the warmth of her lips.

I finally got my girl, I thought, my insides burning with delight like a thousand eternal fires. After years of wanting her, Rowena was mine. Who would have thought all I had to do was dirty talk her under a curse?

Huge thanks to my friend @apritelleorai! I always go to her for grammar help, and she's really done a lot for me in regards to this story. Thank you for being patient and putting up with my constant grammar-related inquiries. You’re the best!