#at least if they're active in the community

[hispanthicc]

Sex As A Guy Who Got Fat On Purpose

I like sex. I enjoy sex a lot. I haven't always "gotten off" during sex but that wasn't really a priority for me because I just liked the act of doing it. I think mostly I enjoyed getting my partner off. I used to have a lot of sex, or at least a lot in comparison to now, but since i've gained weight I haven't had much sex or any at all really.

I didn't realize how much this lack of sex was affecting me. I think having sex and being able to find people to have sex with me made me feel attractive. So the lack of it has made me feel unattractive, at least to locals. Online people seem to still find me attractive. I know that just because I haven't had it doesn't mean that I am unattractive. I know there are also a lot of factors that play into it. Anyways I went from having it regularly to not having it at all.

Gaining is hard for me so for the first few years of me trying to get fat on purpose I was basically just skinny, toned, and had a slightly rounded tummy which would completely disappear if I flexed. I could pass as skinny for a while. Then COVID hit and my physical activity levels became non existent. I very quickly went from being stuck at 130 lbs all the way to 220 lbs at my highest during 2020-2021. I also had a serious surgery which meant I couldn't do anything for about a year. So I got pretty chunky for a bit. then I lost like 40 lbs after going through a break up. which btw was not a sexual relationship, and I think that also affected me a lot in a negative way. Especially because of some of the things he said in the end which made me feel really unattractive.

I'm not really the type of guy that chases anyone or initiates anything and this has nothing to do with my weight because i've never pursued anyone that isn't already pursuing me. I am really shy and the very few times i've tried, i've been rejected. So I don't. This usually just leads to me talking to a bunch of guys that i'm not attracted to which definitely doesn't lead to sex.

I used to be really open sexually. i've found thing i've written and posted from years ago that I would probably be too shy or too embarrassed to say now. But being with my ex he kinda made me feel a lot of shame for the things that I liked sexually or was attracted to. Since then I find it hard to connect with people sexually.

I think i'm also afraid that if I am too open sexually it'll attract the wrong kinds of people, which is something I unfortunately have experience with.

Most of the guys that are attracted to me are usually not locals and unfortunately means that a lot of the communication is all talk. They usually want me to send nudes or they want to send me nudes and sometimes looking is nice but I am not always in the mood to take pics for someone especially when they're probably just gonna disappear when they cum. Online sexual communication doesn't really do it for me. I want it in real life, the online barrier is frustrating and it honestly feels no different than jerking off to porn, which is fine but the real thing is so much better. There seems to be a lack of a real personal connection with it and it feels like i'm like mentally turned off by it. I never ask for nudes because I don't want anyone asking me for nudes. I genuinely hate when I’m talking to someone and they're so nice at first and then they say "Can I see more of you" because then it feels like they didn't mean any of the compliments they were just trying to soften me up to get nudes out of me. I usually only send stuff like that to friends.

It also seems like guys are more focused on what they want instead of what I want and many of them say things like "I want to do this to you" and never "would you like it if I did this to you" which maybe isn't that big of a deal but it comes across as less caring,

I don't know how I appear to others but I would say currently I look pretty chubby all over and I don't think I would be mistaken for skinny even when I suck in. Sometimes I shock myself when I see my reflection or see a pic someone else took. My body is bigger all over and it's still very new to me to actually be a fat guy. I like the way I look and I like the way being fat feels. I feel sexually aroused by it and I keep trying to make myself bigger and bigger but I know that isn't a common thing for people to be into IRL. So it's kinda like "do I lose weight so that I can be physically appealing enough to have sex irl" or do I just keep gaining cuz it makes me happier in general even if it is killing my sex life. I also think about how a lot of people in the gainer community are Asexual-ish or their sexuality is so tied to the fat that if I did lose weight i'd probably lose the affection of those people too. So many times I see "so-and-so lost weight and now I’m not attracted to them anymore" which is extremely hurtful even if it doesn't apply to me at the moment.

I wish I wasn't so shy but I’m not sure that it would matter. I feel like everyone has an idea of what they want in a partner (sexually or romantically) and I’m not sure that I fit, no pun intended, what people want where I live, and I hate knowing that eventually i'll probably have to move just to find someone.

I also know that my tragic dating life and non existent sex life are my fault. I'm not an easy person to get close to or be with but I’m trying to learn how let people in and be the best I can be for someone whenever I do actually connect.

[hybbart]

This is perhaps a strange question, but do you have the sketch/lineart/framework/whatever the heck it's called that you use when you draw Tango? I decided I want to learn to draw, and my thought process was, "Ah yes, the easiest way is to try and copy my favourite Tangos cause I know how they look," and it is going... poorly xD.

Alternatively, do you have any advice on how to learn and develop a style, or how to get/keep going?

A reference sheet? I have a couple various ones, though at this point i don't really use a reference unless I need to sample colours, and I'm currently working on a colour reference for myself. Besides the point I suppose... I'll put them at the very bottom of the cut so scroll right past my ramblings if you want to.

As for advice. My advice is do not try developing a style if you are just starting out. style is the last thing that should be on your mind if you're just starting out. Style is something that happens naturally as you grow and learn what you like and get used to your tools, and being able to intentionally create a style is an advanced skill that requires the skill to draw in various styles, strong basics, self-awareness, and proper self-critique.

The rest of this is going to be very incoherent and long winded and backwards so I apologize.

The most important thing to improving is to get over yourself. You need to look at someone else's art and be able to admit it's better than yours or has a quality you wish yours had without that being a statement of self-deprecation. You need to be able to look at your own art and pick out what it is you don't like about it without using it to beat yourself up. You can't improve if you get demotivated by the information required to adjust your course.

If you must, find something in each drawing that you like and focus on learning how to recreate that. If you find yourself with a drawing that you genuinely find nothing you like about it you stop drawing and restart, because that drawing is worthless to you once you recognize that. Analyze why you don't like it, figure out what's causing you to draw that way, ask what you might prefer instead and what the difference between them is, and figure out how to draw what you want instead. The important thing is that when you examine your art and other's art you're using as inspiration you don't instead use it as a tool to put yourself down.

My shadows are flat and poorly angled, and I draw everything lopsides, and I can say those things as simple facts of my art. These are things I still do, and I use tools to fix them, like turning my tablet or using editing tools, or looking up references. If I want to know a certain technique I reach out to other artists I see using said technique and asking, or I research it myself. In the meantime I experiment and accept this flaw in my art. There's other things to like. The important thing is you don't allow your lack of knowledge to demotivate you from correcting that lack of knowledge.

The best thing you can do is ask yourself what you like about art, and what you want to do. It's a bit difficult for me to help with this sort of thing because I've literally always drawn my whole life, so helping someone who is actively choosing to take up drawing isn't my realm of expertise. But art is communication and connection and self-expression. What do you want to express through your art and what medium is that expression best done in, what do you want to convey, what do you want to share that you simply cannot without art.

It's a bit daunting, those sound like profound questions, but honestly they're not. When I draw fanart usually what I wanna communicate is "I like these characters when they do this", and more often than not it's "I really liked this line/palette".

These incomplete character sketches have sat in my main D&D folder and I think about him at least once a month entirely because I was so happy with his proportions and the concept of a dewclaw heel. I ended up reusing the heel in these Jimmy designs.

It can be anything and changes with each piece. Drawing let's me express what I love and emphasize what I love about it or show it from my perspective. I'll use this raau page as an example.

This is actually based on a shop that I've gone to since I was a child, so it's a space that I've seen and thought about many times. Though it's changed, for ease of drawing and to fit into the setting of raau and for the sake of composition, but the things that are important to me are still here. The ceiling that feels slightly claustrophobically low, the rainbow coordinated shirts, the club covers shaped like animals, every inch of the shop being utilized for merchandise until you can barely see the walls, the nook shape of the section, the fluorescent lights with this specific covering that's very "soulless office job" but to me is also the playroom at my grandma's house and how both have no windows.

I wanted to preserve particular qualities of the atmosphere of the place, in order to express that in this image. That vibe that I could not describe in words to anyone who hasn't experienced it themselves so the best I could normally do is describe it and hope it sparks a similar enough memory. But with visual art I can use lightning, context, and composition to simply express it better. I can create the experience for someone else.

Sometimes writing is better at it than words, and sometimes both are needed, so I learned both. Sometimes music is better than either and I'm screwed because I can't do music. That's besides the point though.

When you're starting out you can have a hard time grasping what about a piece compels you. That's why you need to learn to critique art as you learn to draw, and that's also why tracing and copying is good.

Here's an example of me trying out @lunarcrown's art style. I made a collage and traced my favourite frame's shapes to "get my hands on it", if you will, before trying it out on my own, starting with similar poses usually. What I learned from this is I really like how Lunar does hair, actually even though this was a study of Tango I took notes on how she does Jimmy's hair and applied it to my Scar, Impulse, and Skizz, because I'm awful at short men's hairstyles.

I also cemented one of the reasons I love her art is because it does have some qualities that I already incorporate into mine, like the streamlining between flushed materials such as her Tango's skin and skin-tight shirt, or my Tango's sleeves and gloves.

If you know what you like about something it's easier to work towards incorporating it into your own art without simply copying someone else's. And starting out by copying as a way to play around with someone's art the same way an engineer pulls something apart is helpful in doing so.

Which leads me further back into simply go somewhere and draw what you see. The drawing does not have to be good, but being able to just take a sketchbook and see something that scratches your brain and mimic it is important to developing the above skills. Being able to translate reality into an image is important to developing your skills and understanding the fundamentals of breaking things down. Being able to look at something moving or possibly far away and look down and draw it anyways by breaking down its shapes is important in developing your ability to use references.

Drawing is also mostly muscle memory. So it's important to draw things over and over again. You can do this how you want, you're always going to hit a wall where you end up having to sit there and draw circles 50 times on a page to remember how to draw circles like you're trying to get a dry pen to work. You will do this before almost every serious picture. Find a way for you to enjoy this process.

The biggest most important rule about art, though, is that there is not rules. Go about things however you want for whatever reason you want. If you enjoy doing something a certain way do it that way, if you hate a particular process eliminate it. Sometimes the result outweighs a miserable process, if having something look a certain way is more important then suck it up and do so. If you care more about enjoying a motion than what the end result is then do so. You have to ask yourself what you care about in art.

For now, though, if you're just starting out. The best thing you can do is draw a lot of circles and cubes and fruit. It's an unfortunate truth that the best foundation is learning realism, because it's just going to teach your the fundamentals the best, and all abstraction is... well, an abstraction.

Of course, as just said, there is no rules, and if you genuinely do not enjoy drawing those things like me, then you can simply not. It helps improvement the fastest but if it makes you miserable in a way that isn't backed by passion then that's counterproductive. Forcing yourself only really works if you're passionate enough about what you're doing to overcome the temporary discomfort of learning, so if you're satisfied with just being able to mimic something more abstract in the beginning do exactly that and explore what would make you passionate enough to be willing to draw things you aren't stoked about for an end result. You might never be, but that's also fine, you don't have to strive to be the world's greatest artist to justify drawing.

Also accept that you're absolutely going to change your mind on things. What felt like a great line to draw you're going to hate the next day. It's up to you if you leave it be or fix it, neither's the right answer. I tend to lean towards leaving it personally, even when it drive some up a wall, simply because I have very momentary inspiration and don't like returning to old pieces once I'm done with them. Some people will return to a picture over and over again fixing it every time they think of something. Whatever floats your boat.

tl;dr figure out what you enjoy doing with art and just do that as much as you like. Improve by finding new things you want to do with art. Combine as you see fit to create art.

...

okay time for references:

I try to keep my designs simple because the style I developed for mcyt art was intended for animations. I've drifted a bit but in general I keep to simple shape-defined designs with long lines, flat colours, and minimal wrinkles. It's intentionally flat in many ways in order to create more satisfying lines, like the collar of his shirt or the way his hands ' gradient is done with the line art.

Tango is both round and angular, basically he's an almond. His shape is ambiguous in much of his clothing, with very understated joints. This gives him a move cartoony elastic sort of vibe, like he's just a pipe cleaner that can bend any which way, or a piece of rubber that might stretch.

I avoid bogging him down with logic for that reason, his hair is styled like hair but it has the appearance and moves like fire. Which is it? Who knows. Where are his organs? I haven't drawn them so they don't exist.

[theology101]

Fallout 4 Enhanced, part 2 - minor factions

People seemed to like part 1 so I'm going in for round two! Last time, we discussed the main endings for the Commonwealth with the primary factions but we all know that there is more to the Commonwealth than that. We're talking small fry this time. Let's go with the new kids on the block

Gunners

In the base game, Gunners are just higher-level, better-armed Raiders. They're a well organized 'Mercanary' group with multiple outposts connected via Radio at Gunner's Plaza. They seem to be either new immigrants to the Commonwealth or (if the Vault 75 theory is true) have only just emerged. Personally, I think they're moving in from the South - most of their territory is located in the south of the Commonwealth, baring a few outposts further north that are well fortified.

They're plot irrelevant save for one thing: they're responsible for the Quincy Massacre, polishing off the Minutemen, and sending Preston Garvey running North. That is it. There is no major quests for them, no one comments if you wipe them out - you don't even know who their clients are. Okay, that's not true - the Diamond City robot chef hired them to steal a Deathclaw egg and Old Man Stockton (and thus the Railroad by consequence) protects his caravans. Every other client is a mystery. A common theory is the Institute but they would have to recognize that Stockton's activities, especially because his use to the Railroad is through his trade network.

So we have a group of highly militant if disorganized gang of private soldiers who have beef with the Minutemen and aren't scared of the Commonwealth's boogieman.

I think they should've been joinable or at the very least interactable. If I approach one of their bases, they should tell me to back off and leave, threaten me, etc. Just opening fire on every random person is what makes them just raiders. Should they suddenly be friendly? Absolutely not, despite their relationship with Stockton (and how I want the Railroad to be more focussed on slavery in general) the Gunners are canonically slavers so if a Gunner patrol comes across you in a random encounter, have them open dialogue to try and kidnap Sole, or have Minutemen quests to rescue kidnapped settlers

I also don't think they should have a single "Boss". Maybe a client who is specifically targeting the Minutemen for some fucking reason (Maybe it's a Drug Kingpin out of Goodneighbor, or some rich raider boss - or maybe they did it on their own volition because the Minutemen made it harder to do their job) but I think for every single operation they have in the game (Which is when they're specifically doing something, like being in Mass Fusion, Hallucigen or Greentech, and not holding territory) there should be a client that we can find in the game, and they should have a reason to do it.

The Gunners can also fulfill something that Fallout 4 desperately needed: an act 4. Now that X has claimed the Commonwealth, the Gunners being dealt with are probably high up on their list of actually establishing control. In part 1, I talked about how the Battle of Quincy should be this big epic battle involving multiple major factions as Quincy is taken back once and for all, freeing the captured townspeople and taking back the commonwealth - the Gunners are kinda just Bad Guys to Kill. But you know what? Great. Give them more men, more machine guns, etc. After that, taking Gunner Plaza should have had a major impact on the Commonwealth - the Gunners could no longer communicate between groups, the Minutemen Radio had further range than ever before, and their leadership was decapitated. This should send them scrambling - maybe even warranting a force from outside the commonwealth coming in to relieve their comrades. I think the Gunner-Minuteman war would've been dope

Children of Atom

The Children of Atom are Great. I love them. They're silly, cool, and low-key, right? Like, Eldritch Entitities exist in Fallout and they are typically related to radiation. This is just canon, there are beings beyond our comprehension who exist outside of our Reality.

But that's not important - why are they all so angry?

When I rock up to Kingsport Lighthouse, I want to talk to them and say "Hey, I support your religion, but can I make a settlement here?" and then BOOM! Unlocked Children Of Atom Settlement Items. Simple as, they're just a religion, I can allow them in my settlements - just stay away from the water, okay? Some of the radiant quests should just be going to your settlements and figuring out a solution between the Children of Atom and your settlers / Brotherhood / Institute. This goes double if you are a full member up in Far Harbor (which, legit I will not touch it cause it's great) as you spread your religion across the Commonwealth. Or at the very least, you tolerate them and control them

It's wild to me that they're hostile on-site. If I rock up to the Crater House to get baptized, they should let me be baptized! It's weird that they're just on-site for NO REASON! I want to see Children of Atom in every major city (they know the most about energy so they run the power grid, we just have to put up with the preaching) and follow every major caravan (they can help with a lot of radiation diseases on the road) to make the Church of Atom something that you might actually look at and go "Oh hey yeah that seems like a good idea."

Interestingly, I think they could be an ally for the Railroad of all people. If they give a Synth the identity of a Children of Atom Follower, they can live fine (some are immune to radiation, some aren't, it depends) in the Glowing Sea.

I could also see the Children of Atom and the Brotherhood of Steel having an Adeptus Mechanicus-Adeptus Astartes kind of relationship. Like, they view the Brotherhood as Atom's Fury taking and holding Atom's holy relics from Abominations. Oh, and by the way - the Children of Atom Cult almost took over the Commonwealth the winter before we woke up. Maybe some people should bring that up, especially because a peaceful variant of the faith won out in the end.

Raider Gangs

This pisses me off so much, cause Bethesda did the work to give each of the raider bosses personal beef and relationships with each other and have fairly consistent borders/areas of control that they work with - and then didn't do anything with them. There are six major factions of Raiders. I'm just going to briefly describe them, their attitudes and what I would change

Tourette Gang - They occupy the Federal Ration Reserve, so they should be incredibly well-armed, well-armored, and well-fed. The group is kept small and they focus on longe range weapons to make sure no one they dislike can get too close. Hate Tower Tom's gang, should wear surplus military or police gear. Near no major trade lines, but also don't need to be.

Beantown Boys - Tower Tom's group, they are sitting near no major trade or supply lines, and the only reason they're alive is that they can sell bear to Triggermen, other Raiders and also hold Red Tourette's Sister hostage (actually dead) so Red keeps sending them food. Sent people all the way out to BADFTL and they can see the writing on the walls and that a gang led by drunks is not going to thrive. Because they're so drunk, they focus more on melee weapons or things where they don't need to aim all too much like shotguns or machine guns

Boston Bandits - Led by Bosco, these Raiders should be the most 'classic' raiders. Controlling the majority of Boston and a chunk of Cambridge, his gang shouldn't have a particular focus, just to sell home that they're generic. Wide range of loot from the better equiped and skilled to the randos who just joined up. They should also have a BUNCH of traps to defend themselves from the ‘Beast’

Libertalia - this gang is different, led by a former Minuteman and his company, these guys should still have their laser muskets, Minuteman outfits, etc. For a group in the 'slow decline from guardians into raiders' they seem to have adopted the tattoos and grisly displays pretty damn fast. These Raiders should seem a lot more well maintained, more hygienic - probably a lot less chems too.

The Forged - The Forged are actually great, wish I could've seen em more though.

Judge Zeller - He tortures people into working for him until they're insane and fanatics. That to me sounds like either they sprint in with knives like crazy people or just insane spray-and-pray types. Lets give them automatic weapons and grenades to see what happens

I doubt the Engine could've handled it, but it would've been cool seeing these factions fighting over Raider camps and stuff after we clear it out, see how the territory changes through our actions and the various gangs. Giving them a unique feel on top of gang war violence is just fun.

Special mention to the Triggermen who really seemed like they would be important, but just weren't. I want them to act as the unofficial middleman between Raiders and Goodneighbor - Goodnighbor as a respectable trading town would never sell to violent evil raiders.... but they sell to the Triggermen and they don't have such compunctions. I'd also like to see a few of them lurking around Diamond City, giving the city a bit of crime or occasionally showing up in your settlements as black market salesmen

Caravan Collective

This is a new faction, but I could also call it Bunker Hill Plus. There are several traders and they’re all based out of Bunker Hill but in spite of that, there is no organization. No collective trade power. Nothing like Crimson Caravan or the Mojave Express. I think that the Caravan Collective should be a sorta rump state to the Commonwealth Provisional Government - while the actual government collapsed, the organized trade network and regulations that they made has survived the massacre

They shouldn’t have the big of an effect on the story - maybe a quest were you help Old Man Stockton root out Institute Spies - but negotiating them to go to your settlements instead of them just appearing one day. Similarly, the traders should pop up in Goodneighbor or Diamond City instead of just settlements and Bunker Hill. With the deal Bunker Hill has with the Raiders, they can travel pretty much unimpeded. This faction won’t be claiming the commonwealth, but they should have a presence and a decent size of Caravan security - if you don’t mess with them, they won’t mess with you

Super Mutants

These guys are unique amongst Super Mutants as they have no methods to reproduce themselves. Out west, there are a number of FEV vaults out there making more, though it’s rare - and in DC they have a whole Vault to make more, while the Appalachian guys have a few sources.

All Super Mutants in the Commonwealth come from the Institute’s experiments. And by “Experiments” i mean Shaun intentionally destabilizing the region, Virgil himself says they aren’t accomplishing anything. Super Mutants are just made from random kidnapped people, a Synth replaces them and the mutant is set to rampage. And I think that these mutants should be aware of that fact.

All Super Mutants are communalist and love each other as ‘Brothers’ - basically Warhammer Orks - but these brothers no that they are a limitted supply. I don’t think these super mutants should be any smarter then their cousins, but perhaps more cautious? They can’t just make more, every Super Mutant is a rare resource. Suicide Super Mutants; while cool, don’t fit this model but every society needs its Lunatics

I even think you should be able to make a deal with them if you’re the Institute - promise them to keep filling up their numbers, and in exchange get an army of green shocktroops. The Institute doesnt care if the Greenskins rampage about - if anything, the Institute is already the Super Mutant’s greatest ally

Up Next - Companions and/or Settlements

[ramblingidk]

okay fun police , I though you wouldnt harras people over their ships ? you can just block and move on dumbass...

https://files.catbox.moe/hkxkp0.png https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IETDSGZgRrdb4MbYNWr3KGABXpEy-Wz8jtfq7Zlzfg0/edit?usp=sharing

Oo my first inbox anti!! Guys guys I'm getting famous antis are starting to notice me now!! I'd normally just not bother responding because I know for sure the asker nor anyone would notice, but I will just because I wanna publicly make fun of this. I have 2 others after this too lol Ok first off, you're so very brave to send an ANONYMUS ask wow. Now, about me supposedly "harassing people over ships"? No??? Nowhere in my post did I state I am against selfships you illiterate toddler, I was talking about how hypocritical the self shipping community is for being against proship while they're actively aware they're simping for not real characters with 0 consciousness... i hope that they're aware, at least. And the document...? I don't even need to read the entirety of it to know you have 0 experience with the proship community to know what you are talking about. What is with antis and speaking out on something they just REFUSE to gain actual experience in? Especially when it comes to trauma and coping mechanisms. Sure guys you definitely have therapist's licenses... If you have "proshippers DNI" in your bio, maybe follow your own rules. It's weird how antis have that in their bio and then get mad when we actually don't interact? Like what kind of 10yo behaviour is that

[dragoninatardis]

Today I actually went out and had lunch with someone I knew as a kid! In fact, one of 7-8 people who shared a particular foundational experience. Specifically, one of my classmates from Religious School. We've been trying to get together for ages and it was just so great to talk to her, and we're in very similar places in our lives. To the point where we had similar issues working in the two schooling systems operating out of our synagogue, and might work together on something at some point. She's bi, we're both adhd and autistic with adult diagnoses (though she's still trying to find somewhere to get an official autism diagnosis as an adult). So yeah, we clicked on a lot of things and were able to mutually appreciate inevitable tangents.

We also talked about gender and sexuality and how that was treated, because our town is very liberal and leftist and our rabbi set up a talk for our class about those subjects when we were eleven or so, and both the sex positivity and the specific refutation of the parts of scripture that were being used (and still are) very much stuck with us...but it was still 2006. Even spaces that were more overt in acceptance of gay people were extremely hetero- and cis-normative. When the speaker told us that sex between man and wife on Shabbos was something holy, none of us were going to ask "Hey, what about gay couples?" because gay marriage wasn't even legal in most of the US. But those are questions kids are going to ask now, and even if they don't, we need to make a space to talk about them.

All of this is a conversation I could happen with a lot of people though, and it was just great to talk about *our synagogue* and its place in *our lives* having grown up there together. But one of the best parts was honesty the moment when we were talking about school early on and *she* said that she is always kind of like "ehhhh...not really though?" when people talk about our class being this all-girl class. Because that was unusual and kind of how we were identified by the community, and we were generally considered this really great group of kids to the point that teachers specifically changed years or put off retirement to get to teach again. But of course, we weren't. And I'm really unsure of how to feel about that, because the class was great and important to me, but it basically made my identity in the community fundamentally based on my gender, while my unidentified gender dysphoria grew. It's just one more thing to reconcile in a very gendered religion, and I'm sure I'll post about it again like 300 times, because the original point wasn't really about the details of that struggle.

My original point is that my friend understands the experience that went with that specific group, the weight that it had, what the community was like in a way that someone who didn't experience it can't, even if my experience was still much different to hers, especially since I was, to my knowledge, the only one that actually *wasn't* a girl. And I haven't talked to someone who shared that on a serious level for at least ten years, before I even realized that "nonbinary" was really an identity I could have.

My second original point was that in telling me that she had basically the same "cringe and kind of correct" response to people describing our class this way, and doing it before me, she showed me that she thinks about me and thinks of me as being *not a girl* to the extent that she will immediately recognize a phrase that refers to a group identity that we shared for a huge portion of our childhood, even without me being mentioned specifically, as incorrect. And will say something (ish; I don't know her exact response but even if a kind of cringe and shake of the head or something is all she does, I would be happy with that. My response would be pretty similar and it's honestly just not worth it to get into a conversation about that with anyone who talks about our class and isn't going to respond to that body language, at least for such a small thing (or at least, small for them.)

[drowningmoon]

No honey they're a murderer to YOU, but to ME they're just a traumatized girl who was feeling silly

[fearcicada]

God gives his strongest battles to his toughest soldiers (hating j*nmartin in the TMA fandom)

[icantalk710]

...So, after I communicated that (his "not a huge texter"ness aside) I wanted us to text just a *little* more so we'd keep connecting while he's "had a lot going on" (even suggesting Snapchat for that and that I'd be here if he wanted to talk about some of it [even though we'd only hung twice, we've been friends on IG for a year]) after he last apologized for disappearing got no response, and after my check-in a week or so ago about how his week had gone gave me nothing, I sent a last text two weeks ago seeing if we were still talking and he still did want to hang out again but "all good if not" and even that got no reply--of course, note that he has had time throughout all this to check out my IG stories, yet still wouldn't communicate...

And turns out he's still been on the Apps (TM) as I've been waiting to hear back either way on that--with a guy leaving him a little hookup review on the site we started talking on last night 🙃 (which also complimented his gorgeous eyes I wanted to see again 🥲)

Having only hung twice (drinks/hookup early Aug and a dinner late Aug [with a hookup pre-empted by leaks from some rain that night that he had to tend to bc of his building super phoning in some repairs, but we kissed on making that up on Labor Day and he flaked, though he at least apologized the next day]), I didn't make much of seeing him there sometimes thinking we were still vibing well enough, but it felt shitty seeing that review when I also said i missed him in that text and he still hadnt replied to me--and while I was taking him at his word that things were too hectic on his end to hang out based on what he told me at dinner was going on and giving him space. Like, how much of that has been true the last couple weeks?

After fighting it a bit, I sent him an actual last text earlier to get it off my chest, saying i would've liked a reply either way, that i couldve worked with him wanting to just be casual or friends if he said so, and how I'd like to think he was being honest about how hectic things were but it felt shitty seeing him getting that review when I've thought we still had chemistry, be it casual or more. We'll see if he replies and doesn't just block me on things (he hasn't yet on that site), though I might softblock him if he just views my stories again... But just from how much energy I've spent trying to check in on him and what we're doing (and him rarely checking on me, which should've been a sign) and in overthinking how I wanted to text him about how we were feeling... It helped in August that he would reaffirm that he was interested, and I told him at dinner that I liked being reassured some so I know not to overthink things, but there was little of that through September, and i thought he'd take me up on Snap 😔

Especially sucks since he would've also been nice to talk to given my grandma's worsening health and how he'd recently lost his, but since he hasn't cared to see how I'm doing... Mom's probably going to have to unplug her this week, and while I'm mostly doing okay about her because I knew this might have been in the cards for months (she'd needed an oxygen machine for a while and was sent to the ER twice between Aug and Sept due to liquid in her lungs, the latter time leading to her being in intensive care and then out of there now and mostly stable but intubated and apparently only doing 3% of her breathing herself and not really responsive), naturally it has been tough on Mom, and tbh it's also sorta scaring me a bit about having to be in a similar position with her or dad in the next 20-30+ years (they're 60 and 63 now)... or even my being on the other end of it whenever that time comes... iunno, just existentialist thoughts i guess, this is kinda just turning into freeform lol. My sisters, dad, and I will likely split funeral costs too, can't believe it's almost $5K to hold one for someone... We did hope to get her back to the DR sometime, and it is sad it most likely won't be under more ideal circumstances.

Anyway, really just wanted to vent about that guy but squeezing in grandma thoughts helped a little; I remember trying to do some occasional journaling a while back which did somewhat help keep me from bottling up thoughts so might find my way back to it somewhat.

[Ofc, it would be nice if a cute guy would hit me up on said Apps to help me take a load off too 😩 (if one doesn't compliment my Digimon crest necklace or band shirts when I'm out and about soon 😩) It doesn't help that I've still had how this guy rimmed me and how hot he and his dick were in mind since our only hookup... Wouldve been nice having a sexy socialist bf or FWB if communication was better, but oh well there should be others right]

[lesbiancharliedalton]

-

[musical-chick-13]

.

[basically-fabulous]

u "don't vote" motherfuckers r stupid as shit

[magentagalaxies]

.

[luwupercal]

ykw it'd never occurred to me before to consider the logical inverse of homeworld swap prosperan perturabo, but olympian magnus is VERY interesting, actually. i think he would terrorize dammekos which would be very deserved

[doppelnatur]

to a certain degree i don't think there is such a thing as purely internalized and internally directed bias. i don't think directing bias at yourself is morally much better than directing it at others it's just a lot harder to stop. that said, as soon as your self cruelty begins to affect anyone else it's just cruelty. a gay man being homophobic is not any more justifiable than a heterosexual man. then again, maybe this entire way of thinking shows a lack of compassion for myself and is a form of bias.

[jvzebel-x]

news letter from SWOP Behind Bars, sent Monday, July 17th, in regards to the Woodhull Freedom Foundation's constitutional challenge to FOSTA

[images 1,2,&3 text:

"The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled on Friday, July 7th 2023, that the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) is constitutional, upholding key portions of the law that critics have said intrudes on First Amendment speech protections and harms sex workers.

FOSTA suspends Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996, a law that grants online platforms protection from liability for user-generated speech. After FOSTA passed, social media platforms were forced to censor sex-worker generated content in fear of being held criminally liable under the law. Since becoming law five years ago, FOSTA has been condemned for making sex work more dangerous and increasing online censorship. While lawmakers passed the law to combat sex trafficking, critics have alleged that the law has hindered law enforcement from using websites to catch actual traffickers, and that sex trafficking reports actually tripled the year after FOSTA was enacted.

Although the Court did not issue the constitutional ruling that was sought, it held that the law must be interpreted narrowly in order to avoid “grave constitutional questions”. By imposing the interpretive discipline Congress lacked, the Court ruled out many of the broader applications of FOSTA that caused Woodhull and its partners to challenge it.

Specifically, it held that FOSTA “Does not proscribe facilitating prostitution more generally, which could extend to speech arguing for the legalization of prostitution or that discusses, educates, or informs about prostitution.” It also clarified that the law “Does not reach the intent to engage in general advocacy about prostitution or to give advice to sex workers generally to protect them from abuse. Nor would it cover the intent to preserve for historical purposes web pages that discuss prostitution.”/text]

[whiskeysorrows]

God some people are so iffy. I'm glad you have the time to get stuck up about moral annoyances but some people don't have that luxury