#at least heartstopper is a show made for teens who are teens

[oddgutsnet]

😐 .

[mx-piggy]

EDIT: I posted an essay to my website based on this post. I'd really appreciate if you gave it a read!

I finally had an intelligent thought about Heartstopper and I wanted to write it down and share it.

I think Heartstopper season 2 was even better than season 1- for me, at least- because of how it felt like a more expansive look at the queer experience, and how it made me feel a little less like I’m falling behind as an almost-eighteen-year-old who has no romantic experience whatsoever.

With most of the main characters coupling up with one another, Heartstopper could easily be a show that says little more than ‘love is love’, which- while a sentiment i agree with- often fails to include people whose queerness has nothing to do with who they love, or does not involve sexual and/or romantic feelings. So, having Isaac’s storyline involve him coming to terms with being aroace as well as grappling with the isolation he feels in a friend group full of couples offers a different aspect of queerness. I’m someone whose never had my first kiss nor have I ever been in a relationship- and at the moment I have little desire to change that right now beyond the pressure of feeling as though I’m running out of time- so to see a character who feels such a similar sense of alienation feels really cathartic.

I also really appreciated Mr Farouk and Mr Ajayi’s relationship, and I felt especially comforted by Mr Farouk’s character. I’ve been aware of my queerness since I was around the age of 10, but I relate to Mr Farouk’s quiet mourning of the queer teen experiences he never had. I think it’s really important for this show for and about queer teens to say ‘it’s okay if you don’t get what Nick and Charlie or Tara and Darcy or Tao and Elle get at their age. You’ve got time.’ I’m only 17 (18 this month) so I’m not exactly like Mr Farouk, but there’s something a little saddening watching a show about teens younger than you who have something part of you wants.

Perhaps this is very much a ‘me problem’, but Heartstopper is something very bittersweet for me, because it makes me mourn for the teen experiences- queer or otherwise- I’ll never have. I don’t hang out with my friends more than a few times a year, I don’t have a queer friend group who can relate to my struggles and I’ve never had my first kiss or had anyone have feelings for me. At times, its made me feel like I did the whole queer teen thing wrong, because I knew I was queer the whole time. But, having a character whose storyline involves realising that romance isn’t essential, and a character who realises it isn’t too late to live his life as a queer man makes Heartstopper a much easier and much more cathartic watch for me. I can finally watch it and say ‘I’m not doing it all wrong, and I’ve got plenty of time.’

[castlebyersafterdark]

Your post about will wanting mike physically made me wonder if many of the puritan bylers used to be milevens (statistics would suggest yes) who are still struggling to come to terms with what it means for a man to be gay. 

There seems to be a lack of understanding about how boys actually relate to each other in both platonic and romantic contexts. After all, lots of gay media that caters to young teen girls, like heartstopper, is cutesy if not totally sanitised, and if they are basing what byler could be off of what they thought mileven WAS, then it tracks - because mileven was never physical or sexual either. The reasons for this are all to do with mike’s sexuality, but perhaps many people think that mileven WAS real and no longer is, and therefore when mike and will get together it’ll just be another version of that heterosexual romance. 

Ofc this is wrong, not least because mike and el were so young when they were exploring each other even if it was entirely performed rather than genuinely exploratory. but even if mike was exploring a relationship with el for the first time as a 16/17 yr old, it would still manifest differently to one with will because they are both boys. Not to say that love itself or the butterflies you feel are different, but the way that two men will express their love + the fact that mike and will are friends, would obviously change their dynamic. 

Do you think that if mike and el had been shown to check each other out, that people would have a different opinion (not about mike being gay or bi, but about how his and will’s attraction will express itself?) Because you’re right - people do forget that will being gay means he wants to be intimate with men. Is that because they think his attraction is never physically expressed in the show? But then what exactly would that physical attraction look like? Has he not been ogling mike enough for you? Or painting his body in a very intricate ritual of dedication and love? Or is it because Will is just so gosh darn adorable, and they think that someone who has a baby face cannot experience sexual attraction? 

Intriguing premise on multiple fronts!

Re: the former Milevnn scenario - never considered that but at least for some folks in fandom? Maybe! That's an interesting idea, but I do kind of lean towards a lot of the 'puritan' ideas just being a product of today's internet/fandom culture, via this agenda from how gen z seems to have grown up entirely online. And you can't fully blame it on this generation! Those under that mindset didn't inflict it on themselves! (Same vein as "no one is born racist - you are taught to hate"). It's a reaction to a deeper conversation of social media and surveillance culture and this pervasive mindset of thought-crime, etc. I'm toeing the line between genZ/millennial but my fandom experience in the early years was a bit different, where there wasn't as strong of a backlash and negative reaction to sexuality and sex in regards to fandom (people were writing fic about high school age characters doing alllll sorts of stuff and, thinking back, getting a call-out about that content kinda seems unfathomable in retrospect). I genuinely feel it's mostly a culture clash in fandom spaces. But with kindness and re-education and conversation, I think we can either come to agreements and find common ground rather than fighting and call-outs and witch-hunts and all that negativity. I find it more helpful to ask the puritan-mind set folks "why do you feel this way? what about this is so upsetting to you? Have you never really examined your judgement and why it makes you upset?" Learning moments! Kindness and compassion goes a long way in fighting repression and bigotry, and I know that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes in the face of contentiousness.

Re: not understanding the teenage boy experience - another verrrrrrry big factor that I also think simultaneously plays into what's going on, even with those well-intentioned and supportive, just hesitant. It's just the honest truth. Without getting too far into gender politics et. al - yeah, unless you yourself are or were a teenage boy, especially a gay teenage boy - there's a lot of presumption and inference and while mileage does very much vary in personal experience, there are tenets that will factor into an accurate portrayal. Yes - not every teenager is going to have sex. Not every teenager is even interested in sex and many will grow into adults who aren't interested either and that's totally valid and fine. But I do not think that is the case for these specific characters, personally. It's a disservice to sanitize queer sexuality. To put it bluntly, if two teenage boys are dating/have feelings for each other - they're going to want to have sex. Are you kidding me? Teenagerdom? The horniest time of our lives??? Yall. It's going to be awkward and fumbling and exploratory and they won't fully know what they're doing, but these boys will want to experiment and get it on. That's nature, that's biology. It honestly cracks me up when I read some sfw byler fics with heavy make-out scenes and the next moment it's like 'oh we better stop before we get carried away' and I'm like, oh honey. That's not how dicks work. They're already hard and they both know it. They're sixteen. You get hard at a strong breeze sometimes. The love of your young little life has his hands up your shirt and his tongue in your mouth? Boner central. Sorry!!!

Re: a different portrayal of Mike and El - interesting as well. There are so many factors here to consider. Showing Mike and El in more 'intimate' scenarios I don't think really would have that big of a factor in regards to the anti-sex brigade in general. A big portion of the same people who spout off about 'they're minors! we don't need to see sex in media!' would say it whether it's mike and el or mike and will... but there's def a layer of homophobia inherent with mike and will in conjunction with that mindset, even by people who claim to like and support gay ships. The Will dilemma tho. I've been puzzling over the Will dilemma since I stepped into the Byler fandom. And why he, despite being literally "the gay character" - his sexuality is less explored in regard to the most baseline aspects of being gay. Is it infantilizing because he's our cute sweet little victim? Is it because he has yet to actually pursue his love interest in the narrative? I'm still working on pondering this myself!! Because it isn't at all how I viewed his situation or character. But, very interesting points...

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My final thoughts about season 1 of Heartstopper

Was surprised by how little they changed from the books (despite being told as much by a very helpful fan).

It just felt like there was....more. Not saying Alice is a bad writer (she literally created one of my newest obsessions & is helping make the show), but the graphic novels are almost exclusively Nick & Charlie focused. Which isn't bad, persay. I literally love them as individual characters & as a couple, but it definitely makes the story feel "smaller" & a little rushed at times, to me (but I know she originally created Heartstopper when she was very young so I think stuff like that are very understandable flaws) & I'm sure tons of people don't have a problem with the pacing of the books & might even find the show too slow or "bloated'. I, however, personally appreciate the changes made (minus not getting to witness Nick whine to his mum about his boyfriend not being allowed to come on their holiday because that was hilarious). Most storylines were neither dragged out for too long nor so quickly resolved that things ended on an anticlimatic note, with most characters being given enough time, with the amount of episodes they have, for characters to doubt/second guess themselves & argue like obviously they're teens & are going through difficult stuff (I know haters wanna act like this series is "too perfect, that it's boring," but most of the characters are lgbtq+ & are shown facing at least some kind of struggle because of that). Which just gives the series a little more time to breathe. I think this is clearly shown/felt with the supporting cast.

The big moments in the book seem to be solely Nick or Charlie's. The other characters, much more secondary, only getting snippets of focus/attention tacked on at the end of volumes or their situations already being pretty much established by the time they're introduced. Theres little discovery for them, no getting to see the stirings of them first developing/realising a crush. Instead, Elle & Tao already like each other (even if they won't admit it) & their friend group already knows. Tara is just tottally open about being a lesbian from the get go (seemingly suffering no scrutiny) when we meet her in the book & so we never get Darcy feeling bad about how the change in their relationship is difficult for the person she loves.

I guess it's so we, the audience, can strictly focus on the development of the Nick x Charlie relationship. Which again isn't bad, but I definitely prefer it this way. Changes the serise from having two leads & the rest just being supporting characters to it feeling much more like an ensemble cast of genuine friends who all have their own lives & issues to sort out.

Also I actually kinda love the addition of Imogen like yeah she was annoying with the 'who your texting' thing & just how oblivious she was about Nick clearly not being into her (she over came that though, thank god) but even when she was at her most problimatic (I'm an ally) she was at least hilarious. I've said 'Come on Nickalous' to myself at least once a day since I watched that episode & you're gonna have to rip that habit from my cold, dead hands! In conclusion, some of you are a little too eager to hate on teen girls sometimes (like, at worst, she's cringey). I do hope she's more respectful in regards to LGBTQ+ stuff moving forward of course, but like character development is also a thing & unlike Harry & Ben (self haiting though he obviously is) she wasn't shown to be an actual bully. I just think the internet, which woobifies toxic male characters on the regular, shouldn't judge her as harshly as I've seen some people do (though I will admit a lot of them are probably doing so mostly as a joke, its just a little weird hearing adults refer to someone who's supposed to be like 15, as a bitch/slut). Anyway, rant over, lol.

Can't wait to continue this lovely series.

[kecleonplush]

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Mis publicaciones más populares este 2022:

5

I'm so glad that Heartstopper exists - it's so nice and cute and really is a great portrayal of young queer love and I just hope that we can have more stories about happy queer people. Stories about our struggle are great and important but so much queer media is focused on it that it's easy to just binge gay movies and shows and fall into a depressive hole.

But at the same time, for me personally as a gay millennial who grew up right on the cusp of this new wave of queer acceptance, it really hurts to watch something that could have been me if I were born like, five years later. I had teenage love stolen from me by a society that wanted me dead or at least miserable for being who I was and it really fucking sucks to be reminded that I'll never get that back. I'm nearly 30 and despite having had supportive parents and a great family I'm still playing catchup socially and romantically relative to my peers because I lost so much time as a teen and young adult. Even if I've been lucky enough to not be bashed or actively discriminated against, the fear of it has kept me from experiencing things that so many of my peers have and have helped isolate me in ways my cishet friends have never had to experience.

I hope that my generation is the last one that has to live with this kind of fear and isolation. Things like Heartstopper make me hopeful that that's the case. But I also hope that people like me, who had to live in this limbo, don't get forgotten either.

11 notas. Fecha de publicación: 25 de abril de 2022

4

Disco Elysium is a wonderful and beautiful game with amazing writing and a haunting world and soundtrack and I really want to create a TTRPG system based off its approach to gameplay AND ALSO I have projected ALL of my problems and insecurities onto it and it has GLOMED onto me like a Futurama brainslug and I am so in love with Kim Kitsuragi and I might die from it oh my god

12 notas. Fecha de publicación: 16 de julio de 2022

3

As of last night, I finished my Disco Elysium fic (or the first draft anyway). 180ish pages, 60kish words (accounting for the scripting stuff to the best of my ability). I’m taking a break from my first proper tip to tail readthrough to go through my dash, but I’m gonna finish it up and chunk it into chapters then try to find beta readers to help me clean it up and edit a bit. If any followers and/or mutuals want to help I would be very grateful!!!

For those curious, it’s a slowburn Harry X Kim casefic that looks to establish sort of a post-canon canon - I started it as a sort of self-indulgent attempt to establish a feasible way of them getting together but then it just kind of spiraled into a novella so.

13 notas. Fecha de publicación: 23 de septiembre de 2022

2

I watched Star Trek: The Motion Picture on the plane and while it was a bizarre film that did a weird amount with a strange premise, the biggest value it has to Star Trek canon may very well be the fact that it’s basically just a Sprik fic made into a movie

20 notas. Fecha de publicación: 4 de agosto de 2022

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There’s something so fucking tragic about the fact that Disco Elysium is supposed to be the one little window we get into the entire Elysium project, intended as an introduction to the world and not the end-all-be-all, that ends up being just entirely consumed by capitalistic greed and a disregard for art for art’s sake. It is only a part of this passion project that spans a decade or more and has a rich background, world and system created by a group of people just looking for a way to relate and be together and imagine a world that is somehow both better and worse than ours. And the only thing the system could do when being presented with this art is kill it for profit.

I really genuinely hope that the ZA/UM folks find another way to continue the world of Elysium because it really doesn’t deserve to die an untimely death at the hands of the demon of capital.

68 notas. Fecha de publicación: 3 de octubre de 2022

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[tillxthexearthxstartsxtoxcrumble]

This is just me being a bit overprotective of how heartstopper showed teens cause one of my favorite things about it is that none of them have, like, unrealistic body expectations. Even if they're extremely athletic, none of them have six-packs or anything like that. It shows what teens actually look like and that's special to me. But I've read and seen a couple things now where they make characters look completely different from what they look like in cannon. Especially Nick Nelson. He's a teen boy. He's drawn to have a gut, and that's normal. He is a teenager. Please, please, PLEASE stop changing that in fanfictions. People can be attractive without looking super lean and fit.

But also Charlie!! Charlie is a small person and he's skinny. Tao is kinda short and scrawny (as they say with the whole "Twig arms" joke). They never really mention anyone's weight, height, or size.

I do want to focus a lot on other characters besides Nick as well because they are great things to focus on, all of them are really good representations of teenagers. But I haven't seen nearly as much of people changing their body in fanart and fanfiction.

I know that Kit now is really fit and athletic, they've joked about it before, but even then I don't see it as much of a reason to act like Nick can magically look like an actor that goes through training and probably has someone to help with their diet to make sure they can look a certain way for a role. Teenagers don't have that. Teenagers come in all shapes and sizes and it's important to keep them to what they are shown as in cannon. Especially in this cannon. Because this is the most realistic representation I've seen of teenagers, probably ever.

*Any part in bold from here on out might have spoilers for the heartstopper comics if you haven't read volume 3 & 4*

(Warning for content: mentions of eating disorders.)

One thing that is shown in character design, is Charlie and his eating disorder. Charlie has a hard time eating anything, especially when he gets stressed and feels like he doesn't have control over things. Charlie is skinny, and he isn't too athletic (yes, he was on the rugby team but (at least in the show) he isn't anymore). Charlie is scrawny, and that is part of his character design, and it is important to his storyline because that is a big driving point of volumes 3&4.

SHOULD BE SPOILER FREE FROM THIS POINT ON <3

With other characters there aren't too many things that make their character designs super important to be true to their character, but it is still important to draw teens naturally, because it can cause a LOT of harm to someone's mentality to see a teen look a certain way and no matter what they do they can't have that. Teen or not.

This is mostly just me ranting and it might not be me saying much that made sense or anything, but I felt it was important to talk about.

In a lot of media about teenagers we see extremely unrealistic body expectations. Even good shows. But a lot of very popular shows about teens in high school cast 20-30 year olds where they look drastically different from most teenagers and that can be very harmful to teens who watch those shows and start doing things to try and look like that. Whether it's over excersising, developing and eating disorder, or being unhealthy in any other way. It's sadly a big thing to see normal teenagers now and that's why it's important to me that we keep Heartstopper to stay that way.

100% feel free to reblog or reply with things you would like to add. If I mentioned anything that is harmful to this topic, please do tell me because I don't want to spread any harmful information.

[calltainn]

I'm glad that there are some boring live action queer teen romance TV series around now, because queer teens deserve boring romance shows too. When I was a teenager the closest thing to a queer teen romance TV show was Sugar Rush, a salacious and seedy post-watershed show based on a book written by a TERF.

Like... I've looked it up since and supposedly it was critically-acclaimed and there haven't been articles saying how fundamentally problematic it was in hindsight or anything. And it definitely wasn't boring. But I was a queer girl the same age as the characters and it made me feel queasy and like being a queer teenage girl was something sexy-to-others, dramatic, and exotic.

I thought Heartstopper was cute but boring, same as I found the first volume of the comic, and I think First Kill looks fun but uninteresting. (I'm also a little apprehensive about First Kill because of the history of the lesbian vampire trope, though from what I've heard it doesn't sound like it's exploitative in the way that has often been.) But I'm glad that queer teenagers now have TV shows about queer teen romance that are as boring as TV shows about non-queer teen romance. I hope the queer teenagers who don't find a straightforward romance boring like I do enjoy them. I probably would have found them boring even if I was a teenager now, but at least the existence of these shows in mainstream media would have been encouraging and comforting rather than making me feel gross.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

@sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek replied to your post “interesting how i can be the president of the...”:

It's the god damn annoying trope but also the way she shut up the other guys after the date didn't go through and her smile when Nick took Charlie's hand

​I’ve said before that the addition of Imogen is the absolute worst thing of this adaptation and the only thing I actively hate AND also Imogen Heany has done nothing wrong in her life ever.

You know what, Ine, I’m going to write literally all my thoughts down under the cut and I start by copy-pasting my long initial reaction:

When Imogen and Isaac got announced as new characters, I was interested. Isaac’s existence was explained, but why did they add Imogen? I was immediately worried Imogen was going to be the Straight Girl. I wrote during my watch: “I assume it’s the higher-ups who wants this additional drama, because every mainstream m/m teen media has to have this straight girl who is nothing more than a dramatic plot device and who incites guilt when it comes to queer identity and coming out.” But yeah, that’s how I feel about this trope. Vișinata from the CO Discord put it properly here: “It’s cruel and unkind to the gay protag(s) AND to the straight girl who’s reduced to a flat character who isn’t allowed to be a supportive person without their romantic feelings making them a selfish jerk”.

This trope just needs to die. It was the worst part of Love, Simon and Love, Victor. Glee made Tina’s entire character at one point as ‘a pathetic girl who crushes on gay men’. Mercedes also went through it in Glee. I heard from my friend Verena that it’s also common in the Skamverse. Can’t we have one M/M show or something that doesn’t sacrifice a girl’s feelings?

Then it became clear that she’s a dear friend of Nick and they always hang out at the school gates. Okay, and I did like this idea. We don’t know a whole lot about Nick pre-Charlie until later in the comic, so I really liked the idea of Nick having a supportive friend who he could maybe confine in, especially since I knew the Rugby Lads weren’t going to be in here. I hoped Imogen would be a sort of third party, an objective look for Nick. I was really excited about this idea, actually. And then they posted the character bio’s and… this is what happened. When I saw that Imogen’s *cough* fun fact *cough* was that she has a secret crush, I knew I could drop all my hopes for Imogen down the drain. And yeah, the moment it became clear within the show that Imogen had a crush, I was so annoyed.

Also, because her character was just shit. The whole claiming of Nick part? And then Nick said yes to the date. Jesus, if I hadn’t been on campus during that scene, I might’ve yelled. At least it didn’t get dragged out extremely long. I am so glad for that. Nick realised himself that he needed to end it, and he did. God, I genuinely think the entire show would’ve gone down the rating if they had done that. Not only that, but Imogen accepts it and moves on. No bullshit, guilt-tripping “you broke my heart” crap, like they did in Love, Simon. And in her last on-screen moment, she seems to understand and she’s glad for Nick and Charlie.

But this raises my other question: why bother adding Imogen in the first place? AGAIN, AGAIN, I AM SO GLAD THEY DIDN’T MAKE A BIG THING OUT OF IT, but then why make a thing out of it in the first place? Also, since Imogen had literally nothing else to do in this entire show apart from this shitty storyline. She’s supposed to be one of Nick’s best friends, but you can barely see that. So yeah, that’s The Bad.

I don’t hate Imogen. I just wish she had more to do.

So yeah, all of that definitely still stands. As in “they could’ve done it way worse, but they also could’ve, ya know, just not done it”. I did talk about this whole thing with several people and like you also said I do agree that it’s great that Heartstopper showed that there doesn’t have to be a jealousy plot line.

But one thing I also noticed is this sort of fear that her character instilled. As in, on my first watch I straight up skipped through some of the scenes after she asked Nick out, because of anxiety. And I also had other people who just couldn’t enjoy the show up until I spoiled for them that Imogen wasn’t going to be a piece of shit about it. And again, good to show an alternative and what not, but I don’t know man, for a show that’s all about queer joy and stuff I just don’t like how the addition of this trope made people so anxious and unhappy during the first watch process.

After all, I became the president of the Imogen Heany fan club AFTER my first watch. I couldn’t fucking stand her during the first run (see above), even after she accepted the rejection because there was thought in the back of my mind where I was afraid she was gonna fuck it up anyway. Which, okay, this isn’t necessarily Heartstopper’s fault. This has more to say about the state of queer media and how we are expecting to be treated like shit, especially bi people in this context.

Basically, even though I am now also the president of the Imogen Heany fan club, I STILL think that her addition was a mistake for the reasons mentioned above but especially since I just hoped more for her. She deserved better. The actress, Rhea, deserved a better character too. There were so many possibilities, but they just went for this trope. Props for deviating from the usual shit route, but still this trope.

For season 2, I either want Imogen to have a story outside of this crap, or I want her gone.

[coffeebased]

I won’t be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January’s gauntlet. To be completely fair to February, it had the ongoing COVID-19 international epidemic, as well as the ABS-CBN shutdown crisis, the anti-terrorism bill, the reminder that historical revisionism re: the Marcos dictatorship is alive and well… and those were just the actual headlines.

I must digress before I spiral.

I read 12 books in February, half of which were newly released in this month. I’ve split my post up into three parts like I did last month: one-shots, parts of series, and re-reads. It seems to be working well for me.

  Prosper’s Demon by K.J. Parker

The unnamed and morally questionable narrator is an exorcist with great follow-through and few doubts. His methods aren’t delicate but they’re undeniably effective: he’ll get the demon out—he just doesn’t particularly care what happens to the person.

Prosper of Schanz is a man of science, determined to raise the world’s first philosopher-king, reared according to the purest principles. Too bad he’s demonically possessed.

After I read Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City last year, I knew that I wanted more by Parker. I considered delving into his back catalog, which I still will probably do, but I saw that he was releasing a new book in Feb 2020, so I jumped on that first. Prosper’s is exactly up my alley, what with the discussions of morality and the greater good with demons, and quite a bit of engineering. I’d admired the voice of the main character in Sixteen because he was dry and very caught up in doing what needed to be done, and the main character has the same appealing values. It’s a short read, but it sticks in the teeth and fills the belly.

  Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher

Stephen’s god died on the longest day of the year…

Three years later, Stephen is a broken paladin, living only for the chance to be useful before he dies. But all that changes when he encounters a fugitive named Grace in an alley and witnesses an assassination attempt gone wrong. Now the pair must navigate a web of treachery, beset on all sides by spies and poisoners, while a cryptic killer stalks one step behind…

Kingfisher, also known as Ursula Vernon, tends to write capable and damaged characters falling in with each other and foiling plots. She also tends to write paladins very well, which is a personal delight. I always enjoy a Kingfisher story, because the characters do the sensible thing more often than not, and she deals with trauma very compassionately, from what I suspect is a personal viewpoint. Her books are also usually very funny, very disturbing, and no-nonsense, scratching that Terry Pratchett Witch itch when I miss him very much. Grace is along the same lines, with a good solid HEA that leaves everyone, including the reader, satisfied.

  Kindred, a Graphic Novel Adaptation by Octavia Butler, adapted by Damian Duffy and illustrated by John Jennings

I lost an arm on my last trip home.

Home is a new house with a loving husband in 1970s California that suddenly transformed in to the frightening world of the antebellum South.

Dana, a young black writer, can’t explain how she is transported across time and space to a plantation in Maryland. But she does quickly understand why: to deal with the troubles of Rufus, a conflicted white slaveholder–and her progenitor.

Her survival, her very existence, depends on it.

This searing graphic-novel adaptation of Octavia E. Butler’s science fiction classic is a powerfully moving, unflinching look at the violent disturbing effects of slavery on the people it chained together, both black and white–and made kindred in the deepest sense of the word.

Kindred, the novel, is on my Next 20s list. I had meant to read it before I read the GN, but picked up the graphic novel based on a friend’s recommendation. The graphic novel is searingly painful, and I enjoyed reading it, but there are parts of it that feel slightly disjointed. I’m not sure if it’s because of the time travel, or if it’s an adaptation problem. It made me want to read the novel immediately, which is what I am reading right now. I don’t think that I’ll be able to properly synthesise my thoughts about this book until I’ve read the original.

    Mirror: The Mountain and The Nest by Emma Rios and Hwei Lim

A mysterious asteroid hosts a collection of strange creatures – man-animal hybrids, mythological creatures made flesh, guardian spirits, cursed shadows – and the humans who brought them to life. But this strange society exists in an uneasy truce, in the aftermath of uprisings seeking freedom and acceptance, that have only ended in tragedy. As the ambitious, the desperate and the hopeful inhabitants of the asteroid struggle to decide their shared fate, a force greater than either animal or human seems to be silently watching the conflict, waiting for either side to finally answer the question: what is worthy of being human?

Recommended to me by a new friend who’d heard I was into sci-fi and graphic novels, who absolutely hit the nail on the head with this rec. The art is beautiful, dreamy, and layered, and it keeps you tied to the story as the authors build what is a magnificent construction in your head. The authors do some really lovely things with timeskips that I have no idea how to talk about without spoiling anything, and I only regret that we weren’t able to linger through the second volume. I’m don’t know why there isn’t more of Mirror, but I do appreciate how they tied everything up as well as they could in two volumes. Looking forward to more like this in the future.

  Heartstopper: Volume Three by Alice Oseman

In this volume we’ll see the Heartstopper gang go on a school trip to Paris! Not only are Nick and Charlie navigating a new city, but also telling more people about their relationship AND learning more about the challenges each other are facing in private…

Meanwhile Tao and Elle will face their feelings for each other, Tara and Darcy share more about their relationship origin story, and the teachers supervising the trip seem… rather close…?

You can read all of Heartstopper and its future updates here. Heartstopper is a lovely slice of life comic, PG13 at best, that really takes me back to my own mid-teens. The story is centered around the developing relationship of two young boys, Charlie and Nick, and it really deals with it respectfully. It tackles a lot of teen issues without being too preachy about it, which is probably the least inspiring thing I could have written about it, and integrates it deftly into the story. The art style is adorable and really complements the sweet story. This volume, just released this month, revolves around a class trip to Paris, and there are some shenanigans that you’ll have to read for yourself.

  Sixty Six Book 2 by Russell Molina and Mikey Marchan

Kuwento ni Celestino Cabal. Kabebertdey niya lang. Mayroon siyang natanggap na regalo na ngayo’y unti-unti niyang binubuksan. Ika nga ng matatanda, “Huli man daw at magaling, maihahabol din.”

The story of Celestino Cabal. His birthday has just passed. He received a gift that he now gets to open, bit by bit. As the old saying goes, “Better late than never.”

This is the synopsis of the first book. There isn’t an official synopsis for the second book online, and I hesitate to write my own. Sixty Six Book 2 was released during February Komiket, and since I had been waiting for it for a few years, I had to go to the event even though everyone’s been iffy about going into crowded spaces due to COVID-19. I was excited to read this but unfortunately, I don’t think it capitalised on the foundation set in Book 1. The artist was different, and I admired their work on a technical level, as well as their humorous use of WASAK as a sound effect. I don’t know if there’ll be a third book, but the author has made themselves a little leeway for that possibility at the end of this volume.

  Thank You, Jeeves, Jeeves #5 by P.G. Wodehouse

The odds are stacked against Chuffy when he falls head over heels for American heiress Pauline Stoker. Who better to help him win her over but Jeeves, the perfect gentleman’s gentleman. But when Bertie, Pauline’s ex-fiance finds himself caught up in the fray, much to his consternation, even Jeeves struggles to get Chuffy his fairy-tale ending.

This book was in my next 20s! So I’m accomplishing one of my 2020 reading goals, yay! But hot damn there is some racist language in this book. Every time I was finally sinking into the story boom! Racist language! And I know that it was because of the time it was published, like I know that academically, but oof. That aside, the story is solid. It’s a comedy of manners AND errors with Jeeves ex machina, as per usual, but this is the first full Jeeves novel I’ve read, the rest were short story collections, and it was good to see the characters take more space. It certainly made the comedic payoff a lot stronger.

But oof.

  Die Vol. 2: Split the Party by Kieron Gillen, Stephanie Hans, and Clayton Cowles

No one can escape DIE until everyone agrees to go home. Or rather, no one can escape DIE until everyone who is alive agrees to go home. The second arc of the commercial and critical hit of bleakly romantic fantasy fiction starts to reveal the secrets of the world, and our heroes’ pasts. Yes, they can’t escape DIE. They also can’t escape themselves. Collects issues #6-10 of DIE

CHARACTERISATION. There’s a lot more breathing space in this newly-released volume of Die and I live for that! The first volume was a lot of the characters running from one place to the next and we, as readers, were being given the sense of setting. But volume two, you can feel Gillen just finally branching out and hitting us with their joined histories. I want to see more of how these older players will be dealing with the actions of their teenage selves, and I think the third volume will really show what the comic’s capable of. I’m really looking forward to that.

  False Value, Rivers of London #8 by Ben Aaronovitch

Peter Grant is facing fatherhood, and an uncertain future, with equal amounts of panic and enthusiasm. Rather than sit around, he takes a job with émigré Silicon Valley tech genius Terrence Skinner’s brand new London start up – the Serious Cybernetics Company.

Drawn into the orbit of Old Street’s famous ‘silicon roundabout’, Peter must learn how to blend in with people who are both civilians and geekier than he is. Compared to his last job, Peter thinks it should be a doddle. But magic is not finished with Mama Grant’s favourite son.

Because Terrence Skinner has a secret hidden in the bowels of the SCC. A technology that stretches back to Ada Lovelace and Charles Babbage, and forward to the future of artificial intelligence. A secret that is just as magical as it technological – and just as dangerous.

The last Rivers of London book finished the first major arc of the series. It was a succession of explosions contained in a novel. So I was wondering what kind of tone Aaronovitch would be setting with False Value. Would it be all action, immediately? A filler story? I just wanted more Peter Grant. It could literally be an entire novel of Peter going to America to visit the Smithsonian museums and I would be on that.

False Value is a slow story but does a lot of table setting for the next arc. While the case of the book feels very small and contained, you can see that they’re being pulled into the larger world of magic. I did have a hard time with the first few chapters, but I’m not sure if this is a problem of the book, or because I sailed straight into it after the Jeeves book I had been reading.

I finished the book too quickly and now I have to wait for the next one. Bother.

    The Thief, The Queen’s Thief #1 by Megan Whalen Turner

The king’s scholar, the magus, believes he knows the site of an ancient treasure. To attain it for his king, he needs a skillful thief, and he selects Gen from the king’s prison. The magus is interested only in the thief’s abilities.

What Gen is interested in is anyone’s guess. Their journey toward the treasure is both dangerous and difficult, lightened only imperceptibly by the tales they tell of the old gods and goddesses.

It’s March now, so my friends and I are starting on the second book in our read-along of The Queen’s Thief. I wrote last month that I was worried about how my friends would take the series, but really I needn’t have thought about it at all. The book stands well on its own, and my friends all got into the story. I hesitate to say that they loved it because there are four more books in the series, but they were definitely into it. Some of them had a hard time sticking to the two chapters a day schedule because Turner’s prose really just pulls you in.

I still love Gen, and I’m excited to relive his character growth.

  The Farthest Shore, The Earthsea Cycle #3

Darkness threatens to overtake Earthsea. As the world and its wizards are losing their magic, Ged — powerful Archmage, wizard, and dragonlord — embarks on a sailing journey with highborn young prince, Arren. They travel far beyond the realm of death to discover the cause of these evil disturbances and to restore magic to a land desperately thirsty for it.

I’m reading Tehanu, the last book of the Cycle, now, and I’m scared of ending the series. It’s given me so much joy and peace these past few months. I slipped right into it after finishing The Farthest Shore, remembering that they overlap slightly, and that’s done a lot to soften the blow of the third book. Re-reading Farthest at this age, when things have been losing their colour and flavour, where I have to fight harder to keep myself honest and keep myself ‘good’, hits differently. I’ve been recovering, and the bitterness that Ged has over the loss of his mastery is too real to me. Of course, it’s a good book, but it hurts.

—

All right, that’s it for now. I’ll probably be popping in to post a little about Komiket and some other things I’ve been reading next week or so, so please keep a weather eye out for that next post!

February Reading Round-Up I won't be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January's gauntlet.

[writing-in-the-tiny-house]

Simple Carries IMPACT! #HEARTSTOPPER

Let's take a look at the Neflix adaptation of Heartstopper, a teen romance of two boys who meet, become friends, and fall in love. This series, and the graphic novels they are pulled from, subverts tropes and cliches left and right in order to give us a straightforward and powerful message about the beauty of self-discovery.

(Also, there are at least 2 different ways to say the name Tara, and I apparently use them interchangeably. *shrug)

“Brigitte,” Installment One of Tales from Vlaydor, is available on ebook and audiobook. Follow the link to find them on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=brigitte+devin+davis&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Become a patron today! Visit patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse

Get ahold of Krissy Barton with Little Syllables editing services. She does free sample edits to see if you and she would be the right fit. www.littlesyllables.com

Instagram: @authordevindavis

Twitter: @authordevind

The following is an imperfect transcript of this episode. A complete transcript can be found on the show’s webpage.

 [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the show Writing in the Tiny House. I am on a mission to abolish the idea of the tormented artist by sharing what I know about writing, publishing, and just life in general, so that you can have the tools to produce the content that you have been eager to write. If you have this steps in place, you can produce a short story in as few as three months or a novel in as few as 18 months.

And hopefully through the ideas in this podcast, you will have the wisdom to adjust that timeline if you need to. I am Devin Davis, the guy who lives and writes in a tiny house in Northern Utah. Thank you for tuning in and please enjoy today's episode of Writing in the Tiny House. 

[00:01:00] Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Writing in the Tiny House. My goodness, friends. It is the final episode that I have for you in this very special month of June. I don't know about you, but this Pride month has been a huge roller coaster for me. There has been a lot to do. There has been a lot to celebrate. And I wanted to carry on with this for one final episode, but I promise it applies directly to creative writing, but we are going to delve in to a Netflix series and a comic coincidentally enough that has made its way into my heart and into the hearts of millions of people around the world. we are going to be talking about heart stopper, which is a Netflix series taken from the comic of the same name, which is created by a woman named Alice Oseman. Heart stopper came to Netflix just over two months ago [00:02:00] and it has been received with incredible positivity and a huge fandom already. I don't think that the people who created heart stopper could have ever imagined the success that it would get in just two months. And it has been astounding. Some of the things that I have seen on the internet, heart stopper has encouraged so many people to share in such safe spaces, their own stories of coming out, their own stories of struggling with this or that. And it has created wonderful communities of engagement for people to share these stories.

And I personally believe that one of the most important things that we can do to heal one another is to listen to each other's stories. So today on Writing in the Tiny House, we are going to pick apart Episode three of heart stopper. And yeah, this is going to have spoilers. And so if you want to go ahead and hop on the [00:03:00] bandwagon and join the fandom of heart stopper, please do that.

And if you don't want to hear these spoilers, then go ahead and pause this episode and take four hours out of your life to watch Season One of heart stopper on Netflix, and then come back and listen to what I have to say about it. This is not a critique of the show, and this is not a review of the show.

I'm not going to pretend that everything about the show is perfect. But what we are going to do is talk about subverted tropes and subverted cliches, and the power that comes with keeping a storyline simple. I mean, sometimes a complicated storyline is absolutely what you need. If you are writing thrillers, if you are reading thrillers, then that's kind of what comes along with the genre.

However, if you have a very simple message about a situation that is oftentimes misunderstood, sometimes keeping it simple is the [00:04:00] most powerful thing to do. As I go through episode three of heart stopper, I'm going to share with you what happens in the episode and then share with you the different cliches that come about in teen romances and in some of these other LGBTQ plus related movies and other series that heart stopper avoided.

And what consequences it would have had had they played into that. So hard stopper is a very basic storyline and I love that. I mean, in the tagline for heart stopper, Alice Oseman says, boy meets boy, boys become friends, boys fall in love. And it's as simple as that. our main characters are Charlie and Nick.

Charlie is an openly gay kid and Nick is a rugby player, a popular one too. And they attend the same. [00:05:00] All boys, school of Tru um, grammar school. And they are a grade apart and due to reassignments and stuff, they're in the same form and this is how they meet each other. Through this series, we see Charlie coming to grips with self-esteem and his role of how he gets to have some of the happiness that other people can give him.

He has a history of being bullied and his coming out was not taken. Perfectly his coming out story was not easily accepted in an all boys school. On the other side of the coin or on the other half of this relationship, we have Nick who has, it seems never had a moment to explore or think about his sexual preferences or his sexual identity until he meets Charlie.

And. This first [00:06:00] season of heart stopper covers his coming to terms with his bisexuality. He comes to realize that he likes both boys and girls, and this is him coming to feel that out and to embrace what that actually is. So in seat, let's see, in episode three, The main part that I wish to talk about is the birthday party.

So this is a privileged kid's birthday party. He comes from a rich background and they rented an entire venue for him to celebrate his birthday. So the really like the ballroom, the really high ceilings. And of course, if you follow the staircases, there are empty rooms. all around. This is a very big building and they rented the whole thing to celebrate this kid's 16th birthday. During this party, it seems that everybody showed up and there are two other characters that become very, very [00:07:00] important.

I feel at this point in time. So Nick is. Brought face to face with a girl that he kissed three years ago. Her name is Tara and. While they're talking to each other. they have a private moment for a second in kind of a quiet hallway or a corridor or whatever. Tara gets the courage to confide in Nick that she is dating a girl and that she is gay and yay.

And Nick appears to be really appreciative of this and through their little conversation. We realized that Tara is very new to this scene, but she and her girlfriend Darcy are deciding to be more brave and less conservative about how they are. Dealing with their relationship. So they have decided to become a little bit more brave and to be a little bit more public with how they are showing their affection to one another.

[00:08:00] And Nick seems to admire this a few moments later, everybody is on the dance floor and the camera zooms in on Tara and Darcy. and they're dancing. They're having a great time. There are the fluorescent lights everywhere. There's the really loud, really exciting dance music. And the two of them share a kiss and it is one of the funnest.

beautiful moments in a teen romance that I have witnessed in a long time. And not only is it just a beautiful moment, but everything that comes afterward. So they are in a crowded dance floor and they have the courage to kiss each other potentially in front of all of these peers. and then immediately after the kiss, they get to celebrate by dancing.

And so they're holding each other's hands. They're doing the spinning in circles thing because the age group of this crowd is about 15 and 16 years old. And so they're [00:09:00] celebrating as teenagers would, this was a big milestone for them. And it seems that even though it is a crowded room, Nobody really saw them do it except Nick and Nick stands there and it is obvious. With the way it is portrayed. And with the way it is filmed that Nick finds this to be a very special moment and a big gift for him to explore his own feelings and a few moments later, he and Charlie go to one of the empty rooms up upstairs.

Now they're not bedrooms. This is a venue. This is like a smaller ballroom upstairs, or a smaller meeting room upstairs. And they're alone in this other room and they find the moments to very adorably share with each other that they have feelings for each other. And they, Nick and Charlie share their first kiss [00:10:00] immediately after that, because Nick is Venturing into uncharted waters. He hears some of his friends call his name. So he runs out of this smaller room to go talk to them because he's just worried. He doesn't want them barging in to see him and Charlie kissing and Charlie who is dealing with some of his past trauma and some of his distrust and his own self-esteem issues.

Cause his dad. Completely heartbroken to come pick him up and he leaves the venue and goes home. And you expect this to be probably the worst thing in the whole world, as far as the way the series goes. However, at the end of episode, three, Nick shows up in the rain and you know, that they are going to make things right.

And that is how episode three ends. So. Let's go through this again and talk about all of the tropes and cliches that heart stopper [00:11:00] chose to avoid in this. And I'm not, I'm probably not going to be able to touch on all of them, but I am going to mention some really big ones that show up in teen romance.

And I'm going to say right now that some of the things that show up with the LGBTQ representation or the one or two LGBTQ characters, oftentimes those characters are there to be funny. it seems the male character is there to be snappy and witty and sassy and.

Oftentimes, that is just kind of the role that they play, the stereotype that they get to be in with heart stopper. The entire thing is based on same gender, or there is one relationship that is transgender. And so representation is all over the place. But in this series, everything is treated as completely normal and that is already a huge.

Step that is [00:12:00] already a very big point to be made here, but let's get to episode three again, to this birthday party, it's already kind of a trope that there is a rich kid who can rent out an entire venue for his 16th birthday. I was raised in very small town USA, and I don't remember really anybody celebrating their 16th that big.

I mean, perhaps we could have rented out like, the front room of the days in or something. I mean, there were nice places in the city I grew up in, but these really big 16th birthday things, weren't something that we saw much where I was raised. I do know however that they do happen immediately. we see the absence of things that come up in a lot of teen romance or teen drama And the first thing that we get to not see is the presence of a lot of heavy drinking. So in almost I, in so many American. Teen dramas or teen romance series [00:13:00] and movies. If there is a party, it is going to be unsupervised and there's going to be buckets of underage drinking.

I know that underage drinking is a thing, but it seems that it shows up everywhere in cinema. I also know that this does not take place in America and underage drinking as far younger over there. And so that's fine. But this is actually the important thing. Nobody was drunk at the party.

there might have been something that I missed. I mean, there was one character kind of acting silly, but there wasn't drinking there wasn't drugs. There wasn't even talk of any of those things. And the reason why that's important is because these super tender moments that happen while at the party in.

Their own private ways. That first conversation between Nick and Tara, if Nick or Tara had been drunk or on something that conversation couldn't have been so intimate and so full of trust immediately, [00:14:00] it was because everybody was level headed that Tara decided to open up to Nick and tell him that she was a lesbian and was dating Darcy also.

On the dance floor when Tara and Darcy share in their kiss in front of all of their peers, the energy of that would've been entirely different. Had anybody been impaired, if that had not been a completely level headed kiss filled with love and joy and excitement and a huge moment of celebration, it wouldn't have carried the same weight and it would've not affected Nick in the same way.

Did. then later with the first kiss that Nick and Charlie share, we have all seen the movie where that first kiss or that first. moment or that first vulnerable moment, one of the people in the relationship is drunk and does something by mistake. It would've completely ruined the storyline of this season, or it would've just created a [00:15:00] problem that would've had to be resolved later and probably wouldn't have been resolved very well.

 When when Tara and Darcy were on the floor and they have their kiss, they get a moment to celebrate and a moment to be excited about it. And Nick was there to see, there is always in a team drama. It seems that there is somebody looking out to stab somebody in the back. If that kiss would've been immediately ruined.

It's possible that Nick would've not had the courage to share his affection for Charlie. If somebody would've stepped in and made fun of Tara, of Tara and Darcy for kissing on the dance floor, the entire tone of the party and the entire tone of the events that could have come later, would've changed.

And it would've been more about throwing a wrench in the plot of the story, rather than showing [00:16:00] us the beautiful innocence and the beautiful transformation of these fun relationships. It also could have discouraged Nick from being brave and exploring his feelings for Charlie one last cliche, and then we'll wrap it up.

in episode three, Nick and Charlie have their kiss. and then Nick hears his friends calling out his name and because he's scared for whatever personal reasons. It doesn't really say what perhaps he was worried of them. Worried that they would walk in and find this and he wasn't ready for that. He immediately stands up and runs out of the room to go talk with them.

And who knows how long they were actually talking So a cliche that was avoided in this situation was actually having somebody walk in or having somebody listen in or having somebody a fly on the wall.

[00:17:00] Invade the privacy and the tender moment of these two boys sharing their, a admitting their affection for one another. And then that person holding it over their head as a form of black male. We've all seen that before. We've seen people kissing people and somebody seeing that who shouldn't have seen it and then holds it over their heads as a way to get what they wanted or as a way to ruin a reputation or just ruin something a way to exact revenge or a way to. Pull negative attention away from themselves or whatever that didn't happen here.

And I believe that had it happened that way. It also would've ruined the plot of the story. That was not the point of this. That was not the PO like that stuff is not the point of heart stopper. It's not how heart stopper works. in many of the current teen romances that [00:18:00] involve gay characters. It seems that many of the gay characters are very sex forward. And so to admit your feelings for somebody automatically leads to sex in those stories, that didn't happen with heart stopper either. In fact, there's no sex in hot in heart stopper, at least not in season one.

and that's nice. So the reason why we are talking about subverting tropes and subverting cliches is because hard stopper is all about exploring and inviting the viewer or the reader. If you are reading the comics, because you remember this is a Netflix adaptation of the comics that share the same name.

It allows the viewer or the reader to witness this beautiful blooming, this beautiful blossoming of something new. when it does that, the, [00:19:00] the reader or the viewer gets to see this happen and it allows them to feel, and it allows them to experience. The honesty of these situations and the honesty of these emotions, the thing is subverting all of these tropes and all of these cliches allows the entire emotion of.

Heart stopper to be 100% honest feeling. I mean, it's a work of fiction. None of this is real, but it allows it to feel authentic and because it feels authentic, there's something to learn about it. We get to see in Charlie, a person struggling and overcoming the effects of bullying and The hard times and the hard job that it is to overcome all of that and still remain happy.

He still struggles with it throughout the thing. And he's not 100% arrived at being better. at the end of the first season, And spoiler alert. The effects of [00:20:00] bullying actually gave him an unhealthy relationship with food, which is set up throughout all of season one. All of this completely makes sense also with Nick with him just being a simple rugby player.

Popular doing his best, but not living life in a very deep way. And coming to this awakening that he is bisexual, that he likes both men and women. And right now he really likes Charlie. And so he's going to pursue a relationship with Charlie and coming to the realization. Oh my goodness.

I am different. and, oh my goodness. What does this actually mean? Keeping everything honest and authentic pulls the reader in. So a lot of times the little tricks that I mentioned that heart stopper avoided, we throw those things in as a way to build tension in the storyline so that people will continue reading.

But the thing is one of the [00:21:00] biggest things that I have learned about writing is. That people continue to read because there is a reason to continue reading. They continue reading because they want to. So regardless of if it is tension, if it is a thick plot twist, or if it is the threat of blackmail or if it is a big mistake, because someone was drunk, sometimes it is more of a simple.

Honest heartfelt thing that will keep a reader hooked and a watcher in this case, because this is a TV show too. It will keep someone hooked to continue witnessing what comes next. So with heart stopper, we are watching the gradual budding and blooming of this beautiful same sex relationship. Actually, a couple of them.

[00:22:00] Tara and Darcy's relationship was a little bit further along the path. It started out further along the path at the beginning of heart stopper, but everything ends in a more beautiful place. And we see the very beginnings of a relationship between a trans girl and a straight boy. because this is only season one and there is already a huge cannon of comics. It, it makes us immediately want to go read all the comics. We do that because we know That unless we read more, unless we see more, unless we continue with all of this, we are not going to see the roses that are inevitably going to be at the end.

So that's the thing, friends, these little tricks, the little trophy things, the little cliches. Sometimes they do succeed in building tension, but sometimes. like in the case of heart stopper, they can [00:23:00] really pull us away from a deeper, more beautiful and more simple form of storytelling.

And it can prevent that from conveying a very beautiful message. So one of the biggest takeaways That has formulated in my mind is that all of this, the same sex relationships love can look any way that it wants to. And here is a beautiful example of how, and to be gay, a person can understand that they are gay from the very get go.

there are still other people who don't know. If they're attracted to men, women, or whomever in between until they are given the chance to decide, just because in Nick's case, it's possible that he never considered it. He never considered what all of that looked like for him until.

he was met with a boy who [00:24:00] peaked his interest and they became friends first before they became boyfriends. So that is the take home for today. If you are a writer or a creator of some form of content, where you have a lesson about a topic that is largely misunderstood.

And it can be about anything Sometimes keeping the story simple. Is a way to keep it powerful so that's all I have for you today. I hope that you have had a wonderful pride month. This has. One of the biggest months, probably in my adult life that I will remember. And I love the reason we celebrate pride. I am going to be celebrating pride in a very big way from here on out. So thank you for being with me all throughout this.

Thing. It has been a huge journey and I appreciate the support of each and every single one of my listeners. And [00:25:00] so go out and have fun writing. We will see you next week. On another episode of writing in the tiny house.

 And that is it for today. Just a reminder that "Brigitte," Installment One of Tales from Vlaydor is available on Amazon as an ebook and on Audible and Apple Books as an audio book. And I provide advanced reader copies of these short stories as I release them to my patrons. So become a patron today by visiting patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse to support both my writing and this podcast. And lastly, be sure to follow me on social media. My Instagram is @authordevindavis and my Twitter handle is@authordevind. Thank you so much for spending some time with me today and have fun writing. We will see you next time.[00:26:00] 

Check out this episode!

[unsuspectable-weirdo]

I need to vent a little about being locked out of certain fandoms I want to experience and enjoy because of my disorder so...

Tw eating disorders discussion under the cut, please dont proceed if descriptions of behaviours and intrusive thoughts can put you in a bad place

When I heard of Heartstopper getting a serie I saw everyone's excitement, and as I looked more into it I was too, it looked so good! So in the meantime I bought the first two books, and omg I loved them. If you know how the story continues you can guess the reason of this post.

My ED is... not going well, let's say. An euphemism, really, I still live with very fatphobic parents, still dance, and the damage done to me in my childhood cannot be worked through without proper therapy. Thing that, thanks to previously mentioned parents, I cant get.

I guess i just wanna vent about how damn sad and isolationg and dare I say... shameful, it feels, not to be able to enjoy something because it contains an experience, real and understable, that will trigger me into hurting myself more than I already do.

The thing is, I've dealt with bulimia alone and in secret for 8 years now. Came pretty close to heal once too, but unfortunate events made me relapse harder than before. Most days, the feeling is managable. Purging behaviour after dinner and lunch comes before i can think, but I can always eat breakfast unbothered. On better days, i dont throw up at all, and while it stresses me out a lot, i at least can rationalize i'm achieving something for myself.

All it takes is a comment, no matter if positive or negative, if directed at me or someone else. A picture. "Someone you know lost a lot of weight!" Such a competitive bastard of a disorder, this is. The things it starts telling me then, you see! They're doing good, better than you ever will! Everyone will be so proud and treat them well, you dont deserve that until youve lost more than them. Even if it's an impossible amount, and I know it would mean death. Sometimes that possibility doesn't even look scary, and in my lucid moments im horrified. Do something to be worthy, to feel good in comparison, so we can praise you. Feeling faint is good. Slapping and scratching yourself till your skin breaks is good, it will teach you better. This strangling anxiety is good, you will feel too nauseus to eat.

Another part of me is extremly affected by the looks of other people. In heartstopper, it's charlie the one with an ed. Always described as small, thin, light as a feather. "That someone who lost weight doesnt even look like their former self! Theyre so small!!"

I'm... short. I will never be able so see myself as small or thin. Nothing you show me can make me see what my mind shields from my eyes. But I over esagerate how small other people are. I do realize that, i felt so confused when a friend of mine said my clothes didn't fit her, i cant comprehend how we're not the same size. I fear i might have hurt them back then too. People looking all so thin to me, and especially if they did lose weight, it sparks genuine fear in me. Fear they might be going through the same as me. I don't want that for them, they dont deserve it, they're perfect. I'm the problem. Show them that I, bigger than them, can eat a lot and with gusto... see, they're doing it too now, I'm helping. Now throw it all up tho, you're done showing off. For fucks sake, i should have been anorexic instead of bulimic.

...i cant believe this is a train of thoughts i fall into as soon as i see a mention of eating disorders. This vile, violent and horryfing ride gets triggered at the drop of a hat. And I wanna clarify, i think the portraial of charlie's ed in heartstopper is really good and realistic! Both in motivation, triggers, thoughts and how to tackle it, from the little things i've unfortunately seen at least.

And yet it still keeps me from enjoying a very cute, earnest, important serie about teen queer romance that started out totally captivating me. I know too that my experiences are my own, and many people will feel seen and validated through this plot, i'm cheering for you.

I just cant help feeling sad

And I fear encountering media that don't treat this topic as gracefully as heartstopper does

[britomart]

alrightt here we go: 1, 2, 8, 15, 29? 💖🌷✨

aw hi lovely thank you !

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

oh! ok i probably have a lot of answers so i’m going to go ahead and steal your way of answering and go with um

read: oh where to begin,,, well not very deeply but first of all - tea dragon society by kay o’neill because that’s where my current profile picture comes from so that would probably help one ~understand~ my profile hfndjsj; otherwise, i feel like sherlock holmes is an obligatory answer because i was so obsessed with it and it’s still a big part of my life,, aand i’m going to go ahead and say heartstopper & radio silence by alice oseman (or any of her other books tbh) because i relate to a lot of the characters so :’)

watch: i mean, i myself haven’t watched it since it came out but the farewell (2019) made me cry because i related to it so much, and minari (2020) on a similar note, oH also submarine (2010) i feel like is me in my all my teenage essence so ,, that one . also maybe rocky horror/howl’s moving castle/scott pilgrim/ etc etc - ah and for shows: definitely at least an episode of doctor who and some killing eve (and/or fleabag) for good measure

listen to: the rise and fall of ziggy stardust and the spiders from mars by david bowie ! i don’t think any other album (or artist) means as much to me, short of maybe blue by joni mitchell,, oh also i have to say all things must pass by george harrison, and anything by the smiths because no matter how much i hate them,,they lowkey epitomise my sad little life — as for songs, oh i actually made a whole playlist like this once upon a time but i should redo it,, Anyways: dreams by cranberries, teen idle by marina, hunger by florence+the machine, your best american girl by mitski (ding ding ding guess the ever-present and ever-troubling facet of my identity hfhndndjsjs)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

oh i love this question but ..... i may have to say no? honestly i feel like i get a lot of my thinking from what i read or i change/question/challenge my thoughts based on other writer’s perspectives so i’m not sure i’ve really read something and went: oh hey this is like how i think; then again i still need to read more however i’m still going to answer this with: ocean vuong, elizabeth miki brina, natsume sōseki, and a bit of yeats and sappho ?? on second thoughts this is hard to answer, moving on-

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

david bowie!!!! and florence + the machine and mitski<3 like all the other questions i could go on for eons but those are my semi-definitive answers<3

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

love all the book related questions hdjsj thaaank you, anyways i don’t think this should be too hard?

the phantom tollbooth by norton juster - the question does say ‘over my lifetime’ and my life isn’t particularly long atm so ... it might not actually be super influential but it was one of my favourite books in primary school and i didn’t read allll that much so i think it’s all the more special :)

emma by jane austen - im bypassing sherlock holmes ahh sorry that too has been super significant and influential in my life but i haven’t talked about emma yet! i read it in 2017/when i was 12 and starting high school and- i guess it was one of introductions to literature, yknow? or classic literature more specifically i suppose ,, twas also my introduction to the school library aka my one and only saviour throughout high school— besides in general i had a good time reading it and i would discuss it with my english teacher and that was nice

catcher in the rye by j.d. salinger - i’m more tentative to include this and a lot more uncertain because i don’t really talk about it plus the book is so often considered a Red Flag buuut, i read it sometime in 2019(?) and my reasoning for including it is similar to emma but also because i had such a shit time in high school and angsty teen holden was pretty comforting to read hmdnfjsj (also essentially any book i read during school [not for school, that is] is very dear to me and is worthy of a spot on this list<33)

six of crows by leigh bardugo - ! so i read this in august of last year, and,, it basically kickstarted my reading obsession - which is still very much ongoing (for reference, prior to last year i would read maybe maximum 8 books a year? and before august and soc i had only read like 4 (half of which were for school) whereas in the months following that august up to now i have read uhhhh hundreds) so i feel like every book i have read since then i owe to six of crows !

sir gawain and the green knight - alright last one because i’m not sure what else to include but it’s one of my most read books/poems and one of the first arthurian things i read so<3

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

my death by david bowie, june by florence + the machine, aand is this what you wanted by leonard cohen !