#lad rants about life

[unsuspectable-weirdo]

New pet peeve unlocked: ppl usually in online fandom/character discussion saying 'omg *character* gaining weight at the end of the story to symbolize happiness and stability!' (Btw god tier trope pls gimme more) and then they show you a picture of the character drawn with a 3 inches waist instead of two

[welcometogrouchland]

MEOWS SO FUCKING LOUD

[ID: a blurry image of a small white kitten with sad eyes meowing into a microphone. End ID]

Me @ you rn

[xrosevoidx]

idk man just thinking about discourse and shit and honestly? you can be sexually attracted to whoever you fuckin want. whether its some guy you follow on instagram or a famous model or the girl who sits next to you in english. like. your mind is your mind and you can think whatever the fuck in there and you shouldnt feel guilty about it, especially when its something as harmless as thinking a girl has nice boobs.

[gays4vulo]

manifesting summer goal of getting myself a new job for realsies

[milflookingforadilf]

[12:53am]

dumping all of my thoughts here Once again...Been wanting to write this for so long SIGH FINALLY. this post dedicates to my future husbando fr. anywaays so.. I don't know WHY but sometimes i feel Like i already love someone else ???? i can FEEL it,, like i can feel the familiarity even tho idk who it is. i dont believe in past life but the concept of Past Life Lovers sounds so real to me. I CAN LITERALLY RELATE TO IT! me missing someone i don't even know??? yes. me missing someone's affection??? yes. me being wanting to be in THAT person's presence??? yes. me feeling like i already know my future partner, like ive met them before??!!!???!! Y E S. (hopefully i dont sound mad pls) and mainly because of this i cant bring myself to like someone bc i feel like ill betray him by doing it. Anyways if it is true that our souls already met each other in Aalam-e-Arwah,, then that pretty much explains it. like also when you come across someone and at first glance you hate them and you KNOW that you two won't get along with each other LMFAOO.

anyways here's the realest part.

sometimes when im making Dua for my future partner i can already feel myself loving him (MASHALLAH MASHALLAH mashallah...) here's one thing that i want to do when i settle with him (Insha'Allah) i want to tell him that "O my [inserts name] i loved you long before you came into my life" OHHH GOD THAT SOUNDS SO COOL!!!HEHEHHEHEHEHHE. and i want to let him know that even tho, you weren't present in my life and i didn't know you—you still held a very special place in my heart. you occupied my thoughts day & night (hate you fr), i always mentioned you to Allah, asking Him to guide you, asked Him to keep you firm on Islam, asked Him to keep you away from sinning. BECAUSE i loved you. i wanted nothing more to you have a very deep relationship with Allah.

[miguel-owhora]

simon 'ghost' riley who behind the walls and masks and secrecy, is actually not the monster those he works with - outside the 141 at least - paint him out to be.

simon who has a collection of mesmerized dad jokes that he'll pull out with the most monotone and flattest voice ever, whose eyes twinkle in mirth when you groan at him and go on a rant about how bad his humor is, who'll crack a smile and chuckle. simon who doesn't necessarily find them funny, only likes dad jokes because of the reaction he gets from others.

simon who has a soft spot for animals, especially dogs. who'll always stop to pet them, to call them 'good lass/lad' even if they're just sitting there and letting him pet them, who probably ends up getting a dog or two of his own, his black clothing laced with dog hair. he'll complain when you eventually drag him to the petting zoo, but he goes quiet when you find him surrounded by lambs, all bleating at him. and it makes your heart flutter at the image, of this large, hulking man with blood and death on his hands, gently petting a lamb, the very animal of pure innocence.

simon who doesn't like mornings and will refuse to get up if it's the weekends. oh, you're busy that day? cancel all plans because simon will roll over and wrap himself around your body and drag you underneath the blankets. he'll smile, eyes crinkling in mirth and affection, and hold you tighter when you try to wiggle free. simon who fiddles with your matching wedding band, feeling a surge of warm affection flood through him at the idea of being married to the love of his life, that this is his reality, and it's one he wouldn't change for the world.

simon who doesn't cook because he'll burn his neighborhood down, and instead opts to watch you. he'll be your guinea pig for any new recipes, and surprisingly, despite how fucking white he is, his stomach is made of steel and can handle pretty much anything. still, he'll give his honest opinion and tell if it needs more seasoning or if it's good. and while he doesn't cook, he'll do his part and clean up afterwards.

simon whose love language is acts of service and/or quality time. he's more than happy to clean up after a good meal, and he finds the other chores grounding. it's repetitive and it's familiar, and there's something safe about it, yk? and something as simple as sitting next to you or watching you cook, or even sitting outside the bathroom whilst you do your skincare makes him feel warm and happy. he just likes to be around you, even if he doesn't talk sometimes and goes nonverbal, and well follow you around like a puppy. he enjoys going with you whenever you're out doing errand runs.

simon who's a passenger princess. this mf cannot drive, so you're the one who takes up the drive. but he's a passenger princess and whenever one of the other boys come to visit, he'll literally haul them out of the seat because that's his. he won't let anyone take it, especially not when you're driving.

simon who finds life after retirement calm, who enjoys the domestic life with you. he finds comfort in the smallest things. he finds comfort in you.

[erensfeed]

OKAY BUT.

I woke up this morning with like, a flashing need to send you an ask about your LADS Actor AU, which sometimes just consumes my thoughts at random times.

👁️ But the boys recording the MYTHS.

Angst CENTRAL ANGST.

I just remembered the last update where they were doing Caleb's death (haha temporary of course, he's just taking a break) and she's acting out how she passes out and he pops up next to her like, why so sad?

And like... Recording the HEART BREAKING bits of their myths?

Spoilers ahead in case you HAVEN'T seen them all, won't go into detail but...

Dying in Xavier's arms? Forseer Zayne reading her fate and giving up everything for her? Rafayel having to chose between her life and his people's?

Whatever the fuck Sylus has got goin on? With the whole stabbing in the chest?

I was just consumed by the thought of them having to get into that headspace before the scene, having to pretend to see her die or hurt or knowing they won't see her again, when it's fake.

The aftermath of it too, getting out of that, maybe they're all whipped (yes) and just need a good hug and to ground themselves. Method acting you know...

Anyway 👁️ I've ranted enough 👁️

Thank you for reading through this whole ass paragraph, hope your day is wonderful!

content: how i imagine they’d be as actors when filming their myths. * some minor spoilers from me on xavier as well ! * ૮ ˶ᵔ ~ ᵔ˶ ა

you literally have no clue how i literally love you for still thinking ab those silly hcs😭 THANK YOU THANK U THANK UUU !! AND STOP BC THIS IDEA??? ate down.

cause omg they’d literally be love interests who grew head over heels in love with the main co-star in a fr deep(ressive) story. and it’s like gawd. what a life they’d come to lead if they really were actors then LMAOO

but anyway ! they would be told and agree (months prior), that method acting would be the best thing when filming each of their intense myths. and i know for a fact that rafayel would be the one waayyy too into that method acting stuff because it’d all end up feeling really personal.

‘i can totally work with this’ were the exact words that came from him as you watched and listened to him, munching on his box of donuts (this was a habit between you two — going over to the other’s trailer to snack on whatever the other got to eat). not to mention the times he’d re-read his copy of the script analysis for the nth time / before main rehearsals, and how he’d be all “pft, i wonder why [main director’s name] thinks acting all of this would ever even get to me”. and that never aged well at ALL because he ended up being more attached to it than he expected, as his natural reactions were already in tune with his lemurian character anyway.

but anyway during the era of, rafayel would suddenly stay to himself a little more / even got confused on his real feelings for you (?). and of course he’d recognize that and try to keep things professional, but he would also catch himself sometimes looking at or treating you like mc. and it’s like oh ! all this because he somehow tied everything to your irl friendship / dynamic ??? LOL

but anyway much like rafayel, xavier would also see you as the mc. just in a different way of course. cause it doesn’t help that you just so happen to naturally act like the mc, even off camera.

now when acting the real deal of his myth — when you lay lifeless in his arms — he would imagine that you really were the mc, keeping his head down as the feeling of the idea of holding the one he loved but couldn’t save hit him. his eyes would also be vacant during this scene, especially as he held the star tassel, the weight of it feeling heavier as he envisioned you giving it to him before dying.

in this same scene where he had to hold one of your limp hands in his, it actually felt colder. this didn’t show in the final take because xavier acts so authentically, but it did catch him off guard — as no one told him your hands would actually have to be cold for the real scene. and that made the moment feel even more real and intensified this ache in his chest at the thought of losing you. (lolol ofc the directors kept that because gawd everything was so realistic)

he’d tell himself it was just that scene that got to him but he’d eventually grow to randomly start reaching out to hold your hand in his more often, just to feel its warmth.

stop im giggling now bc im abt to go read smth angsty w xavier

moving on though ! zayne and his foreseer myth? especially dawnbreaker?? .. let me not go there bc this would be longer than needed. though i will say that zayne hadn’t planned on being “affected”. but he would quietly start to observe you more, as his way of not directly discussing his emotions. (this was also what prompted him to be quick to protect you on set)

in conclusion. rafayel as an actor, who has the biggest soft spot for you, would pull back just a little while in that headspace. quietly growing to wonder if you’d also forget him & all the moments you shared, once love and deepspace was over. and he would also start joking about his feelings more to mask them during that time. xavier, on the other hand, would develop a habit of finding lame excuses to have your hand in his whenever you were together, since feeling your cold hands that day did actually do something to him. zayne wouldn’t want to admit how it actually affected him but he would eventually be vulnerable about it with only you. lastly and not surprisingly enough, sylus would remain the only sane one regarding his character's darker lore LMAOO. so i’ll just leave that there (until his myth comes out).

but even though their well hidden feelings for you complicated things, they were great actors so it wouldn’t really affect them terribly for long, as they had ways to separate their personal lives from their roles by all the way you’d comfort them after you found out.

a/n: THIS WAS SO FUN & FUNNY TO ADD ONTO. althoughhh i personally don’t feel like this is 100% spot on & tied to the (1st) actor au hcs, as it’s just some ways i think they’d react but that could just be bc i wrote this in one sitting. didn’t also plan on talking that much and ab my glorious 6ft prince rafayel either but anyway thank yeww for this pooks. (also, im giving you a moon emoji for all our next discussions bc i look forward to them🙂‍↕️ )

[unknowntoyou2205]

Mum I love you

Info:  y/n has been part of the supernatural cast from the beginning as the youngest Winchester. She recently lost her mum from cancer and it’s her first convention since the loss, leading to questions being asked.

Relationship: Supernatural cast x platonic reader

Warnings: Mention of loss of parent, cancer, grief

Y/n lay on her hotel bed, staring at the wall in front of her as she lay on her side. Thoughts of her mum were evident in her mind, the last moments she had with her and the duration of her life with her. y/m/n had just lost her battle with cancer, and at the young age of 21 y/n was completely lost without her. She still remembered getting the call from her father, telling her to come to the hospice because her mother was asking for her. She remembered her dad meeting her at the entrance, him pulling her into a hug and kissing her head, before she walked into her mums room, crouching down to hug her tightly as she whispered her sorries and I love yous.

The funeral had a big turn out, y/m/n was the type that everyone loved for. Among those that turned up for y/n, were Jared and Jensen, along with cast and crew of Supernatural. They had been on a break from filming, and y/n had been at home when she was told her mother unfortunately wasn’t going to win her battle. Jensen remembers y/n calling him in the middle of the night, crying after receiving the news. Their time zone was different, and y/ didn’t think about what time it was, wanting to rant to someone. He was straight on the first flight when she told him her mother had passed, calling Jared on the way, and arrived on her doorstep, confusing her father. It was no secret that y/n had a close relationship with her co-stars, but Jensen and y/n were like the father daughter duo on set. So when the duo turned up, y/f/n just showed them to her room and left them alone. Y/n had been distraught, starring at the wall, wrapped in her mother’s dressing gown that she wore all the time. She refused to acknowledge the two lads at the start, but once she felt Jensen’s hand on her back, she broke down, and she screamed as she clung to him, Jared holding her hand over his shoulder.

---

The hall where the convention was taking place was packed. Crowds of supernatural fans had came, wanting to catch a glimpse of the three Winchesters. Dean, Sam & Isla were fan favorites, and the relationship between the three actors were something people loved to see. When they heard that y/n was returning to conventions after a long personal break, fans went wild, and y/n could feel the energy from back stage. She pulled her top over her hands as she flapped them about, before gasping in shock when arms wrapped around her from behind.

“Please welcome the Winchester clan, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalaecki and the lovely, y/n l/n.” Was heard over the speaker before y/n moved away from Jensen as they walked up the steps.

“I’m with you if you need me.” Jensen’s voice came over her shoulder before kissing her cheek.

“Yea.” Y/n spoke softly, leaning back on him, smiling at Jared as he came to them, doing their handshake.

Y/n giggled a little as Jared jokingly slipped on the last step before waving to the crowd while Jensen messed with Jared in picking him up and making sure he’s ok. Y/n rolled her eyes at their antics before sitting on the middle seat, waiting for the guys to sit down before shaking her head. She tried to keep a smile on her face as the Q&A begun.

Y/n smiled out to the crowd as the crowd settled down from the comedic start, waving at some of the phones that were evidently recording. Jensen couldn’t help but watch y/n for a moment with a slight smile before turning his attention back to the fans as the questions begun. Y/n was relieved that most questions were upbeat.

“Are you alright Jared?” Y/n asked, placing a hand on Jared’s arm in comfort.

“I don’t know, that was a big fall.” Jared stated, pouting a bit.

“Well with your height I’m not surprised.” Y/n teased him, and he gasped in mock hurt as laughs were heard.

“Why I never.” Jared stated.

“She’s back.” Jensen smiled to the crowd, holding a hand to y/n as Jared moved away from y/n.

“My question is for Jensen and Jared.” A woman around the lads age spoke out.

“That’s exclusion.” Y/n piped out, pointing at the woman who looked down.

“Now y/n, let’s not be rude and let the nice lady ask her question.” Jensen scolded y/n jokingly, causing y/n to hang her head in shame.

“I have grown to feel like I have watched y/n grow up on screen, and I find it emotional watching her character evolve from the little scared girl to the young independent woman, and I was wondering how does it feel to watch y/n grow from the little 7 year old girl to this young 21 year old woman we see in front of us today.” The woman spoke, and y/n blushed as she looked down.

“Well I for one am personally incredibly honored to have had the chance to be around y/n since she was so young, you know. It’s not something that typically happens in our line of work, you know, working for 13, 14 years together. You generally don’t get that opportunity a lot of the time.” Jensen spoke, using his hands to express himself.

“Most of the time children don’t last very long on a show, they just don’t have the attention span. So when I first seen that there was going to be a little girl or boy, we didn’t know at the time whether or not Dean and Sam were going to have a little brother or sister, I was a little taken aback. Because the hours we do are so demanding and obviously you can’t have a child on set for 13 14 hours a day, you know, it’s not realistic. But y/n, you know, the moment we done auditions with her, we automatically knew that she was a good match for us.” Jared explained, smiling at the memory of their first meeting.

“Y/n was this shy little girl when she came in and as soon as Bobby called action she just turned like that “ Jensen clicked his fingers together, “She was amazing, and I mean you guys seen on the show how great she was.” Jensen bragged, causing cheers to abrupt from the crowds.

“Alright alright.” y/n spoke, using her hands to tell them to pip down.

“No but honestly, this woman. She really is something else. I mean watching her grow up, I have enjoyed it. I still remember her clinging to me on set every day for the first few months of filming. She would refuse to leave my side if she could.” Jensen smiled softly, placing a hand on y/n’s shoulder.

“Yea she took to you really quickly, which kinda hurt I won’t lie.” Jared joked at the end, making y/n smile sadly at him. “Nah, but she has truly become family, and there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for this kid.” Jared spoke proudly, taking y/n’s hand in his to give it a squeeze.

“I still remember when she was young she came to these conventions and mostly stayed behind, but every now and then she would run on stage, if the guys were playing she would dance with the beat until myself or Jared would take her. She would just sit there with her goofy little smile, poking us with her little fingers until we would jokingly bite them.” Jensen spoke with a laugh, causing y/n to giggle slightly.

“Now she hurts with her words so I guess some things never change.” Jared joked causing y/n’s jaw to drop in mock shock.

“She has grown so much more confident in herself which I love to see. I’m like a proud father I have to say.” Jensen spoke with a smile, causing the crowd to awe as y/n leaned her head on Jensen's shoulder.

“Thank you for your question.” Jared smiled at the woman before they moved onto a younger girl.

Moving to the corner of the stage, y/n kneeled down as she watched the girl rush towards her. Tears built in y/n’s eyes as he wrapped her arms around the girl who was close in age to her, breathing out heavily as she controlled her emotions before speaking.

“Hey guys, my name’s Amelia.” The girl spoke softly.

“Hi Amelia.” Y/n smiled at the girl who was close to y/n’s age.

“Who’s your question for Amelia?” Jared asked.

“ My questions for y/n.” She spoke hesitantly.

“Yes.” Y/n celebrated, smiling widely at the girl.

“I don’t want to thread on your emotions and I know this is a little personally, but as we all know you just lost your mum to cancer.” The girl spoke timidly, and y/n’s breath hitched a little as she nodded, “ And well, I recently just got told that my mum hasn’t got that long left so I was just wondering, how do you deal with that news?”

Jensen and Jared looked at y/n with sad smiles, not knowing how she would react or what to say.

“Can you come closer, because firstly I want to give you a hug.” Y/n spoke with a cough, and she dropped the mike on the chair as she got up.

Y/n smiled a watery smile as she felt the tears begin to fall. Quickly wiping them she stood back up from her position and headed back to where Jensen and Jared were watching the scene with sad smiles. Jared placed a hand on her back as she grabbed her mike and sat back down before Jensen took her hand, squeezing it.

“You make your mum proud, I can tell how much she means to you. My mum meant a lot to me too,, still does. But you have to brave for her which isn’t easy. Watching her go from the strong woman you know to someone who relies on you for everything isn’t easy. I’ve been there, it’s not nice. But you can’ show her how you feel. If she sees you smile, she’ll be happy. And that’s all that matters.” YY/n whispered to her, not breaking the hug.

“I’m scared of life without her.” The girl sobbed.

“I know you are, I was too. I still am, just remember the good times. And remember, there are people around you who are there for you. I’m here for you. Never forget that.” Y/n whispered before kissing the girls cheek and moving apart from her.

“Thank you.” The girl stated softly, wiping her cheeks.

“It doesn’t matter who you are or what age you are, grief is always tough. It comes in waves. But it hits different when you’ve been told your going to lose someone close to you, and you have to grieve them while they’re right in front of you. You grieve the times you had before and the times you’ll never have. But what never changes, is the love you have for them.” Y/n spoke with shaky breathes, and the crowd smiled weakly at her. “I love you mum.” Y/n spoke softly into the mike, and Jensen pulled her into a hug as the tears began to fall.

[laswells-ashtray]

thinking about retired MacMillan, about to go to bed... when suddenly his phone rings. He picks it up, ready to go off at whatever telemarketer dared to call him at 11pm at night

It's John Price, drunk out of his mind *sobbing* about how he's sorry, he was such a prick, he was a bad Sergeant and he understood MacMillan now. ((Soap just nearly blew himself up disobeying an order and Price had the sudden realization that *that was him as a Sergeant*)) Nikolai has to practically wrestle the phone away from drunken Price, apologizing to MacMillan for taking his eyes off him.

Price doesn't remember the phone call, and is very confused when a few days later MacMillan shows up to base demanding to see his "grand sergeants" as Price drunkenly said (you're they're grand-captain! and they're your grand-sergeants!!!)

They're at a bar when it happens. After a mission that was successful but not without a handful of life-threatening hiccups, John drinks more than usual and if Nikolai is honest, he suspects the captain's last whisky was spiked because it takes one song change for the gruff Englishman to quickly turn sombre and start reminiscing about his own captain.

Nikolai is quick to lead his partner out of the bar with a quick goodbye to the rest of them as he decides it's home time for the two of them. Three minutes. Three minutes is all it takes before he hears John sniffling and turns to see him mumbling into his phone, quickly dissolving into a genuinely emotional, heartfelt apology to whoever is on the other line. That's when he knows John's drink was tampered with. He takes a quick second to text Ghost and inform him of what's happened, telling him to watch around the bar in case it happens to someone else or one of them.

By then John is out of it, tears streaming down his face as he rants and raves about the difficulties of the mission and how they almost lost Soap to whoever's on the other end of the phone. The he catches it. "Fuck, 'm, sorry, Mac. Was a right git when I was a sergeant."

MacMillan. He drunk-dialed MacMillan, unsurprising. Nikolai likes the older man, always has and he knows John still keeps in touch even if the contact is rare with how busy he is.

He has to wrestle the phone out of his partner's hands with one of his own while using the other hand to ensure John remains standing. A task far more difficult than expected but he succeeds.

"Captain?"

"Wit the fu- Nikolai?"

"Да."

"Wit the fuck? Is John awright? Dinnae tell me the lad's concussed, or is he pished? Wit's he dribblin' oan about sergeants fir? Nikolai, why is my boy greetin' doon the phone like a bairn who's scraped his knee?"

For a brief moment, Nikolai curses your average Scotsman because he's a little drunk and if he thought Soap was bad then the young man has nothing on a tired MacMillan.

"Apologies, Captain. We were at a bar and I believe John's drink has been tampered with. He is rather out of it."

"Oh, for fuck sake. Is he awright? Are yous back hame or still fannyin' aboot at the pub?"

"We're heading back home now."

"Mac, I'm sorry-"

"Aye, a ken, son. Get hame and intae yer bed. Nikolai, get 'im in bed. geez a ring if there's any trouble. Awright lad?"

"Да, sir. Goodnight, captain."

"Night Nik."

After that Nikolai doesn't think much about the phone call. He's preoccupied with getting John home and responding to the text Ghost sends him. It's a picture of a man beaten bloody in an alley behind the pub. He knew Ghost would find the bastard tampering with drinks.

Then he gets called into John's office a few days later and is met with two faces. A very confused-looking John and a very fucking amused MacMillan.

"Ah, there he is. Nikolai, mind reminding our wee John here about that phone call from the other night? I believe I have, what was it you called grand-sergeants to meet? Where's the Scottish lad? I'm mighty interested in that one."

"What the fuck are you on about, Mac?"

"Oh, you don't remember? I'm glad. I can't wait to tell you all about your heartfelt apology for being a pain in my arse back in the day."

Nikolai knows he's in for it later when he snorts at the expression on John's face and his partner shoots him a glare. But the sheer unbridled joy on MacMillan's face when Nikolai lets slip that John's lieutenant and two sergeants are actually in the gym training with each other makes it worth it.

Hours later when MacMillan has the three men cracking up with old stories of John's batshit antics when he was a sergeant, Nik is happy. Happy that they're all relaxed for once and enjoying themselves but mostly he's happy that John, while moderately embarrassed, looks more content than he's been in weeks.

John Price might be a captain but he was MacMillan's sergeant long before that. It's an incentive to remind John to contact the older man more often. Just not at night, for the life of him, Nikolai cannot figure out what a bairn is.

[writingfromasgard]

Edit: if you send me some 1 brain cell BULLSHIT about how I'm being "sizest" against skinny people you can eat my dick and block me

I kinda like the idea that Johnny dates skinny mean girls.. until one hot summer's day.

Price is hosting a backyard water party. His kids are running through the sprinkler with Gaz's plus sized Babz.

Babz hears a comment about how 'it's always the fat ones who ruin the view'. So does Price's wife (Doll) who is known for her pettiness. She's had three kids - the third only four months ago.

Doll digs out her old bikini, throwing it on to join Babz. It's a little tight but Price nearly drops his burger from the grill when he sees her in it. She's always gorgeous to him. He's considering a fourth kid already.

Babz comes for a break, drinking water that Gaz hands to her. Johnny's eyes go right to her. The sun warmed skin, the wet hair stuck to her face, the sultry eyes she gives Gaz.

It has Johnny crossing his legs, down right glaring at the woman - his eyes roam lower to the little tummy exposed, thick thighs rubbing together, the high waisted bottom of her bikini.

He looks to the right, seeing Doll and he can't tear his eyes away from her - the scars from a c-section shown on her belly proudly, the bikini digging into her skin, her breasts nearly bursting out of her top.

He gets it now - voluptuous, full bodied women who are too much woman for boys masquerading as men.

The way their thighs would feel plush around his head, their bodies filling the entirety of the hands groping them, the softness against harder bodies.

Then he hears the mean comment about Price's wife - his Captain's wife! 'Disgusting scars'? That scar gave life to the lad running around!

Johnny is shoving his 'lady friends' out the door, calling a cab and ending it with them. He's fuming, ranting off about it to Simon who volunteered to keep the newest Price baby inside so he stays cool.

[unsuspectable-weirdo]

Due to an incredible wave of nostalgia (also very on point since tomorrow is August 1st) I need to find a way to watch the entire first Digimon serie.

But here's the catch. I want it in italian. I want the dub and sound design I grew up with.

Now we just have to see how desperate i am (a lot, so so much)- not just bc i'm down to using even the crunchiest, scummiest sites, but I might also find the courage to ask around... italian forums...

[highinmiamiii]

NO FEELINGS - ch. 1

a billy butcher x reader story

years after a wild love in 90s London, Butcher runs into his past flame at that same grimy Nevada steakhouse he’d told Hughie about. Where he’d wanted to go with Len since they were lads. Tension, unspoken history, and unresolved feelings simmer as both grapple with what they've become.

(A/N): this is just a short little vague introduction. feedback is appreciated as always—let me know what you think! and if you’d like to be added to the taglist, just drop a comment. thank you for the support, i cannot wait to get really started on this. prelude chapter set in 90s london soon…

Butcher slid into the worn leather booth of the topless steakhouse, the place he’d told Hughie about. The one he’d always wanted to visit with Lenny. He wasn't sure what drove him here now, maybe the weight of unfinished promises, or the itch of an unfinished life, maybe a celebration for finally having the key to end this all. Kessler—his ever-present darker conscience—sneered from across the table, leaning back like he owned the place.

“Celebratin', are we? Makin’ a toast to not being a dead man... yet?" Kessler’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Maybe crack a cold one open to that virus, eh? Damn good reason to have a drink.”

Butcher ignored him, waving down the waitress instead. The place smelled of grease, burnt meat, and the faint, familiar scent of desperation—Nevada in all its glory. The steakhouse was a dive. Dim lights, gaudy neon signs, waitresses in barely-there outfits serving patrons who barely looked alive. It felt appropriate, a place where he could fade into the noise and booze.

His mind kept drifting back to Lenny, to the promises they made as boys. But Lenny was long gone, and Butcher was still here. Breathing. Existing. Barely.

“What’s the point, mate?” Kessler drawled, a smug grin tugging at his lip. “You’ve come this far, might as well end it on a high note. Wipe ‘em all out—‘every last one’ like ya said, whoever’s left. Ain’t no room for savin’ the day, Billy. That ain’t you.”

Butcher lit a cigarette, ignoring the imaginary weight of Kessler's presence. He hadn’t come to make decisions tonight—he just needed a moment to exist outside the war he was fighting, the war inside himself.

That’s when the waitress appeared. He barely looked up from his drink as she spoke. A raspy, tired voice offered him a menu, but it wasn’t her voice that caught him—it was the ink on her arm.

There, on her inner upper arm, was a faded “Never Mind the Bollocks” tattoo. The same damn Sex Pistols tattoo he’d drunkenly convinced the girl who he’d thought would be the love of his life to get years ago in London.

The memories hit him like a punch in the gut.

🇬🇧 London, 1990s 🇬🇧

They’d met at some dive punk show, a dingy pub filled with misfits, and she had been the loudest voice in the room. She wasn’t British, that much was clear. Her accent, her defiance—everything about her screamed rebellion. She’d saved for years just to get to London, to live the life she’d always dreamed of. But the reality was different. Money was tighter, dreams crumbled under the weight of the city’s indifference, and the romantic notion of freedom faded with every job rejection and overpriced rent.

Butcher had been drawn to her fire—an American girl with grungy style and stubborn resolve. She reminded him of himself. Bold. Fearless. But unlike him, she still had a dream. That dream had kept her going.

They’d spent nights stumbling through the streets of Camden, getting drunk on cheap lager, ranting about the world’s injustices. And then one night, after too many drinks and too many laughs, he’d dragged her to a tattoo parlor.

“Go on then, love, don’t be a priss, get the ink. Bollocks to it,” he’d slurred. And she had. The tattoo was a reminder of their wild nights, of a time when the world felt theirs to conquer.

But then Lenny had died. His world crumbled. Butcher became a ghost of himself. He stopped answering her calls. Stopped showing up. Not because he didn’t love her—but because the weight of grief suffocated any connection he’d had to the world, to her. Seasons faded, savings ran out, friend groups grew apart and suddenly she was back in the states, no sign of his presence or existence in sight but the small reminder of what they had, or rather, what could’ve been, on her left arm.

He looked up at her now, and something in his chest tightened. She didn’t recognize him—not immediately. He looked different. Older. Weathered. And she? She’d aged too, but there was still a flicker of that fire behind her eyes, dulled perhaps, but not gone.

Butcher felt Kessler smirking at him from across the table, his voice low and mocking. “Well, well... Looks like fate’s a real bastard, huh? Fancy seeing her here. What’s next, a reunion? Gonna sweep her off her feet again? You ain’t that guy anymore, Billy. We both know it”

He wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

The waitress set his drink down, her expression neutral, maybe a little bored. But her eyes lingered on him for a second too long. Butcher’s gut twisted. Did she know? Or was it just a flicker of memory, a hint of recognition buried beneath the years?

He offered her a smirk. “Nice ink.”

she cocks her head back, taking a long deep breath, knowing he’s likely noticed by now as much as she didn’t want him to. she’d spent so long trying to erase him from my memory, she felt so foolish for letting myself fall so deeply in love with him all those years ago. she rests her hand on her hip and adjust the very thin white tank top they had her working in, thank god no one had tipped me enough to take it off yet, this place was fucking dehumanizing. even more embarrassing to see butcher here after all these years, she never thought she’d see him again, thought they’d be separated by continent for the rest of time. Her eyes flashed, but she didn’t bite. “Old mistake,” she said, her voice clipped, as if daring him to say more.

“Looks like she remembers,” Kessler snickered in his head.

Butcher leaned back, taking a slow drag from his cigarette. “Aren’t we all just walkin’ mistakes?” He said with a deep sigh.

She didn’t answer, just shot him a look—a look with all the bitter undertones he deserved. But she didn’t say a word, and as she walked away, he could feel the weight of the past settling in the pit of his stomach.

“Last thing she wants is to hear from you again man” Kessler’s voice taunted in his ear.

Maybe. But for the first time in years, Butcher wasn’t sure he wanted to.

She walked away, heart pounding. She knew. God, she knew the moment she saw him. Those goddamn eyes and stupid cocky wide smirk she’d fallen for all those years ago. The snarky demeanor that kept her going until one day he was gone. The way his eyes widened when he saw the tattoo was a dead giveaway, but it was the way he carried himself—the same stoicism, the same haunted look behind those eyes. Billy Butcher, of course. Great.

She’d spent years trying to forget. And now here he was, like some ghost from the past, sitting in the sleaziest steakhouse in Nevada, looking like death warmed over. Part of her wanted to slap him, to scream at him for leaving, for abandoning her without a word after Lenny’s death. But she knew she had gotten too attached. It’d been what, a year together? How dumb of her to think or believe that it would’ve ever been more than a fling. She had to come back to America eventually, they both knew the jig would be up soon, she just hadn’t expected it to end so abruptly.

So instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat, wiped the grimy table next to his, and said nothing.

This wasn’t London. She wasn’t the girl she used to be. She’d been young, stupid, and hopelessly in love. Now she was just... tired. Working for tips in a place that smelled like old beer and regret, serving men who didn’t care enough to look her in the eye. This was what her life had come to. And seeing Butcher again only twisted the knife deeper.

But no. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he’d hurt her. Not yet. Not ever.

Butcher watched her walk away, a strange heaviness settling over him. The memories of London were sharp, but the reality in front of him was sharper. She’d changed. So had he.

“So what now?” Kessler whispered. “Stick around? See if you can fuck things up again? You’re real good at that, ain’t ya?”

Maybe. But something in him, something deep and stubborn, made him want to stay. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was something worse. Whatever it was, Butcher wasn’t leaving Nevada. Not yet.

He crushed his cigarette in the ashtray, his eyes following her as she disappeared into the back. Whatever had brought him here tonight—fate, coincidence, or just bad fucking luck—he wasn’t walking away from it.

Not this time.

current tags: @sickforbillybutcher

[luna-loveboop]

I started playing Wind Waker! Y'all want some thoughts?

-Why is the first thing I learned how to do with Link crawling on the ground like a sneaky sneak?

-Why is the SECOND thing I figured out how to do Link sidling along a wall like a sneaky sneak?

This kid is a sneaky sneak sneak!!!!

-Why is Link instantly jumping on people's tables? Get down please sir

-Wind and his family are so sweet I love them so much- and Aryll got kidnapped noooo TT

-Tetra has shot Link from a catapult

**I'm just gonna keep editing this post and adding random thoughts as I go does that sound cool? I wanna do that @hero-of-the-wolf

-Tetra's winking at Link has my heart forever she's so cute I swear

-love the glowy blue talking rock btw yesss stalker pirate girl

-Link why do you yell so loud every time you jump this is a sneak mission I thought you'd be good at this

-the game grumps on YouTube saved my life tho bc im a coward and get way too nervous in places like the forsaken fortress and watching someone else swear through the area before I do it helps ok

-Wind is such a gremlin but he's actually so polite? Like he instantly bowed to the sword trainer and then to the guy on windfall island after paying for breaking his pots- before running out of the house at breakneck speed. He's such a sweet and polite boy you can tell he's grandmas kid- yet he's such a menace what a wild yet polite lad ridndkkfkdg

-the people of windfall island are way too judgy stop being condescending to Link he's my baby. 'The Tipsters' girls have my heart tho because they.. they... well they give you tips. Tip you off you could say

-I think the King of Red Lions just legally adopted Link

Ok so small rant section but this game is so tragic. Like the art style is so goofy and fun but it hits you so hard that these are KIDS. Link is freaking twelve and his sister was kidnapped on his birthday, leaving him to follow in hot clothes because of higher defence I'm guessing (new hero clothes are more suitable for an adventure than casual loose ones but still!). But he's literally like half the height of DOORKNOBS- he has to stand on his tiptoes anytime to open doors. He is so very small.

My mom was like 'I love this animation style - does it help with your nerves that it's lighter?' And I was like 'honestly it makes me feel more deeply the tragedy of what should be a happy childhood being torn apart' but she's used to me saying weird shit like that so it's fine

-I think we as a fandom are severely underestimating how much of a gremlin Wind waker link can be and that's saying a LOT

-I got the Wind Waker!

-WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CONTROL DONT YOU LECTURE ME ON RHYTHM IM LITERALLY A MUSICIAN WHAT THE HECK

-K learned the Wind Waker

-Ok I like got to dragon roost island on the first day and FINALLY got an empty bottle my beautiful baby where were you??

-I cleaned- like actually fully dusted and cleaned- my wii u for the first time after it was inactive for years and holy mother of improved game pad controls

-is it wierd that I'm more excited about the empty bottle than the wind waker?

. . . .

-ya know in hindsight gabon looked pretty shady. I mean he was standing in the shade but what kind of asshole stands there and tells a giant bird to throw a child in the ocean

-I think ganodonk is dumb I can't wait to get the sword and bitch slap him

-'we cANt set SaiL aGain Until you geT a GLowY thiNgy' well mr boat man sir have you considered that I realised there was most definitely a heart piece or two I forgot on windfall island and I'm doing another dungeon with three hearts? At least I got a bottle ig

-why am I trading with rats for potions this doesn't seem hygienic. I know rats are in fact very clean animals but this dungeons isn't and why do the rats want rupees anyways?

-WAIT WHY CAN LINK TALK TO RATS

-so there's this like steamy glowy pot that teleports me to the start/end of the dungeon? I'm questioning all existence in this world why is that a thing. Honestly think Twilight princess's bald teleportation chicken made more sense but whatever

. . . .

-I saved the dragon! By riding on his tail? What a boss fight that was fun. Got a shiny thingy Yayy

-So the wind waker! I learned to change the direction of the wind which is so cool and also to change whether it's night or day. Which is wayyy too much power for this kid how come no one told me he could change night and day?

-That said I love how musical Link is. Like when he looks so happy waving the baton playing to the wind it's just really cool

- Why is the God of Wind a like. Toad surfer dude. Whatever, I like him.

-So apperently there's these little dudes called fish-men who are talking fish who fill out your sea chart- I am still questioning why link can talk to animals but that's fine

-I missed out on pawprint isle before apparently, so I'm gonna do that before whatever the red lion king tells me next

-Also I love Beedle in this game so far he hasn't threatened me like the other beedles in games I've played

. . . .

-I GOT MY SECOND EMPTY BOTTLE

-Sailing through the ocean is really fun

-I went back to windfall and got a 'swift sail' that lets me go faster but I still like the blue one better

-I reached the great deku tree! He had monsters for pimples and I couldn't figure out how to get them off 'what are you doing?!?! go help him!!' IM TRYING ADOPTIVE BOAT FATHER. Turns out I needed to roll into him and not use the grappling hook which makes sense but still

-He. Grew me a leaf. A magic blowy leaf. Which is great it's an awesome gift and means a lot but the Deku tree grunted and grew a leaf for me and that's kinda wierd right?

-Reaching said leaf was a PAIN and I am very impressed with Wind Waker Link.

Hang on rant session. Bro's tiny little grandmas boy but flipping through the air to reach an unspeakably high up leaf is chill. He flipped through leafy child cannons a billion times to reach the Deku leaf and didn't get dizzy or give up even after falling. And that's saying nothing of how he picked up a sword for the first time and swings his way through EVERYTHING thrown at him. Gosh he's so cool I love this Link

-I HAVE MAGIC NOW!!!!! With like a little meter and stuff tidkkfdjfnkdjfkd I'm very excited that I have magic

-Reaching this high shelf with my path forward was a pain but I have to save and quit rn so if it puts me back at the start of this room I will be. Upset.

-It put me back at the start of the room.

-I ordered a game guide! I'm gonna try and play through with it- this'll be my first time using one. But I haven't updated for a few days bc I'm waiting on it :)

This whole post is a bunch of random thoughts jumping around which my adhd self appreciates- that said I really love that we can grab an enemies weapon and use it against them. Increases my respect for ww Link even more- when he had no weapon in the forsaken fortress he grabs a literal wooden stick from an enemy and kills it with. A big twig. Kid's brutal and does what it takes which is so crazy. Also using an enemies sword is great hehe shiny

. . . .

-Got game guide. Yayyyy

-The forbidden woods are scary but they remind me a lot of the forest temple in twilight princess. A lot. The mechanics are also very similar. I love Zelda games

-Maybe it's because the only time I've had free to play rn has been at night, but I find myself constantly thinking this game is creepy. It's so unsettling for a cartoon style- the boko babas freaking eat link! And chew on him like no!! Fisnfjskfkfk *shudder* aaaanyways I am NOT looking forward to redeads in this game but that's a later problem right?

-I figured out how to get the treasure chests from the sea!! And got a piece of heart :DDD

-Ok game guides are really helpful

-Apparently the 'warp pots' are a consistent thing- I guess that's just how Link teleports in dungeons in this game. The second pot is generally hidden a bit but then you can teleport to the beginning of the dungeon and back- then the third pot is near the end... I think. This is only my second dungeon in this game with the pots but it's going great! I'm learning a lot hehe

-I love the grappling hook so much. I can farm spoils/materials from monsters with it before I kill them and I love that. Also it makes me feel cool swinging it.

-WDYM I CAN GET FREE BLUE POTIONS FROM A KOROK USING EASILY ATTAINABLE (with the grappling hook) MATERIALS FROM BOKO BABAS THIS IS JOY THIS IS LOVE IT GIVES ME HEALTH A N D MAGIC FJDKFJFK

-Also the title screen theme and animation play around outset is very satisfying. Watched it replay three times tonight before starting the game. Time well spent.

-I appreciate the items so much. The Deku Leaf is great like I can F L Y with magic and also blow wind at enemies and make them look silly <3

-The look of Link's spoils bag has grown on me and I love it. Purple.

. . . .

-I got the boomerang!!! Oh my gosh it's so cool I love it.

-I've been trying out the switch mechanic for targeting rather than hold. It's going interestingly bc I've only ever held for targeting before. But I think I like it

-The evil flower ate Makar- the Korok I'm TRYING to save GIVE HIM BACK

-That was the prettiest boss fight ever. I couldn't even be intimidated, I don't think I've ever been more relaxed during a boss fight lol. They should make all of them purple and blue sparkly- it was legitimately beautiful.

-I finished the forbidden forest dungeon!! :DD yayyy

-Link's hopping up and down in celebration after the boss fight was so cute he's so happy!!

-Have I mentioned I'm excited about the boomerang

-Makar is so cute?!?! I love him with his little violin and- the Koroks oh my heart that was the cutest ceremony ever

. . . .

-Ok so I went around the great sea, for now avoiding the big octos I am uhh terrified interested to meet, went to a place that got 'corrupted by gannorks power' so now I'm following the pirates back to windfall island

-The pirates are stealing bombs and I think this is illegal.

-My girl Tetra's here!! :D also doing illegal stuff! And Link is just watching them rob the bomb shop lol these cutscenes are the best sometimes also I love the pirate banter

-Tetras little smile and wink when she saw Link was so cute I love her. Also the little hints that she was concerned about his island and not just treasure?? Sweet

-I stole the bombs that the pirates stole from the pirates. And getting there was a PAIN with swinging on the ropes the tiny pirate (Niko) made Link do

-TETRA is a STALKER she was watching Link through the glowy rock thingy- probably cause he was just sneaking around watching her rob a shop but still that thing scares me sometimes when her voice just comes screaming out of it

-Btw why do the pirates want the god pearl thingy anyways? Just cause it's really shiny orrr

-ok we're headed to outset! I'm so excited to get back to Link's home hehe. Also I think Tetra just dared Link to a race bc she was like 'we'll get there first we still have bombs' so yeah anyways she's spending the night here tho so I'm sure it'll be fine.

-I don't like the great sea as much when it's raining and thunderstorming all over :/ I hope it doesn't stay like this? Because that would suck

-I got sucked into a cyclone and was panicking cause it threw me across the great sea BUT then it threw me onto outset!! :D so that was uhh. Handy I guess.

-Ohhh ok so like. time is frozen from ganad's current curse, which means it's gonna stay night for right now, so tetra won't be coming in time to get the treasure from the god dude first. Nice.

-The Lion King just kindly told Link to visit his family and chill for a second and check on his island?? Sobbing yes thank you sir

-Grandma's sick oh no this is the saddest thing I've ever seen ima cry. I healed her with a fairy but she was so sad link and aryll were gone im- and then grandma blamed herself for not being there for them like no it's literally cold and rainy all the time it's frozen right now you have every right to get sick- and then she made Link soup and she'll remake it for him which is great and I LOVE LINKS GRANDMA SO MUCH it was so sad she was sick I'm glad I could heal her :))

-Link smiled and nodded so enthusiastically when Grandma told him to stay out of trouble/stay safe like Link you are a liar I just watched you steal from pirates

-I sparred with Orca and I like him. It's cool how he trains Link on his home Island with like formal training because Link definitely needs it with what he's facing

-Controlled a seagull for the first time. That was fun they can fly for such a long time like. Forever?? Idk I eventually stopped

. . . .

-Ok so I talked wait no. The king of red lions talked with this guy who's a god named Jabun (I think that's how it's spelled I'll check) and he gave us a THIRD glowy thingy. I'll give more thoughts on that conversation later I gotta look up the translation. The sea is back to being sunny :))

-I spent a bit just sailing around. I need to place the shiny pearl thingies from the gods in special places marked on the map to 'reveal the place where my courage will be tested' or whatever

-I have found several great fairies and gotten my rupees and wallets upgraded twice. I like the fairies in this game.

-I FOUGHT A BIG OCTO I'M SO PROUD

-it was scary.

-But my magic meter has been doubled!!! :D *slaps wind waker link* this bad boy can fit so much magic and blessings inside of him

-I've placed two of the fancy shiny orbs. Its wierd... I put them in old looking statues and they glow. That's fine I guess.

-the fishmen are my best friends. Kind of. Every square on the map I go to one is there and they'll give me lil hints and tips while they fill out my map. Nice guys.

-beedle sent me a beedle chart! :D which. Is a map of where his shop appears so handy!

-there's these maps called 'treasure charts' everywhere that mark places in the sea with rings of glowing light that I can bring up treasure from. Generally a purple rupee but a lot of times other things :)

-there's this one square with beedles shop ship that has an empty bottle and heart piece and treasure chart for sale 00 I got the empty bottle immediately ofc (now I have three!!) and saved up the money and got the rest :) it was all like. Five to nine hundred rupees each yeesh

-Link sure does rely on maps and charts a lot in this game

. . . .

-THE GODS JUST FURKIN YEETED LINK ACROSS THE BIG BLUE OCEAN WHAT THE SHELL WAS THAT

?!?!?!?!

Ok (storytime) so I was placing the last pearl of the gods that I've been collecting in the ancient statue and a cutscene starts right?

So Link places Farore's pearl and the ancient statue starts glowing. and Link kinda startles and runs away, but then he comes back and the statue EXPLODES with light and Link goes FLYING like Farore just bitch slapped Link with power across the ocean WHY?!?!

And so you have this big dramatic cutscene where the ancient statues become really pretty and form a map of the triforce on the ocean and a big freaking TOWER comes rising out of the water and it's really cool- and then at the end Link SPLATS INTO THE FREAKING TOWER AFTER BEING SENT FLYING INTO IT LIKE GIVE THE KID A BREAK ALREADY

Of all the things I was expecting in wind waker, a cutscene of Link being sent hurtling across the world to slam face first into the literal 'tower of the gods' was not it. like forget a concussion how is Link ALIVE?!?!

-k so anyways. I'm good. Wasn't expecting that. This 'tower of the gods' is the place the King of red lions keeps telling Link he'll be tested/have to prove himself to the gods as a hero or something

-Oooo this dungeon seems cool so far! Riding in, it's just risen out of the ocean, so I'm entering the dungeon on my boat dad

-so it's like we can do it together! Not really, but King Red is how I get around the first bit at least. It's crazy how Link doesn't have a companion for in dungeons. Boat dude has just been dropping Link off at dungeons like a kid at school.

-So the tides come in and out of this dungeon. The floor will be filled with water when it's up and I'm only able to walk when tide is low and the waters gone. This is dangerous because Link, although he can survive being yeeted across the sea, can in fact drown.

-also I've just realised I haven't died so far in this game yet!! Go me :D

[witch-oftheflowers]

This is 18+ starts slow and then smut. So be advised!

It would be years after she was yanked from her forests. Adjusting to her new situation was difficult

Even the lads would say that's an understatement.

Gaz was the most attentive to her. Seeing her lacking because she didn't know English well. Along with she was stuck in the period she died in.

What period? She didn't even remember.

He showed her the ropes, getting her used to their years of military training. Their lingo their way of life. It was a culture shock.

Price was very close to warming up to the woman. The way her eyes light up when he taught her what he could. Helping her hone her skills and abilities. He brought out the best inside her.

With him being a dragon. She didn't know till later he sought her into his hoard. A term she didn't get till he realized it and admitted to it.

That day was a bit flustered for her. Seeing as she looked up to him, wanted to protect the man that dot on her. Making her feel special for the first time in her life. And well some touches and looks lead to more... But that's for later.

Soap followed after. Seeing her adapt quickly and she felt like a puzzle piece they were missing. He brought out the joy she lacked and missed. Even brought her outfit to modern times even.

He became a good friend for her to confine in. The way he made her feel safe and secured to pour her emotions out. Especially too after she adjusted, the way she wished she could go home-

She knew she couldn't anymore.

And there was Ghost...

As the time had pass since she's joined. Adjusting and adapting to their way. She still didn't quite understand Ghost...

It was a constant thing she was pulled back to. Mentally and spiritually, like her soul was yanking her towards the mysterious man.

As she was working with Price in his office. Her curls pulled into a ponytail as she was relaxed. Finishing her paperwork from a last mission that went sideways.

Her eyes linger on the words she wrote as she still struggled with the terminology in English.

"Sir."

"John for you lass..."

"Still feels wrong..." She whispered as she glanced up. Noticing her was staring at her. His one wing flap a tad, his anxious sign as she smiled.

"John.." she stated his name, it came out like honey. And the way his eyes flicker at her with something more. Sent a shiver down her back as she finally looked back down. Feeling her stomach twirl with anxiety

"Whats the problem?"

"Why does...Ghost dislike me?"

He was a bit surprised as he noticed her tapping the pencil. It was an odd question from her even. But he had noticed that strain as Simon, wasn't the kindest towards her. Even admitted to him that he hated the woman, but never specified why.

"I... Can't say why."

"He just stares at me like... I'm a spider he wants to squish..." She spoke as she didn't dare look up. Feeling a pang in her soul as she admitted the words.

She knew how he stared at her. Like she was a monster. Like she wasn't supposed to be there.

She wasn't. She knew that, but she just went along with the lads around her.

But Ghost reminded her that. She wasn't one of them.

Price coughed a bit dragging her out of her dark thoughts. He walked around his desk as he knelt before the woman. His large hands on his knees as he stared up to her.

"Look at me.."

She stared down at him as their eyes met. She tried to remain calm as she sighs.

"I know it's hard still..."

"John I've been here four years... And he hates me still." She admitted as she let his hands grasp her. Giving them a firm squeeze as he was careful of his sharp claws.

"Lass look at me."

"I'm trying... I'm trying..." The words spilled from her mouth as she was softly panicking. Her eyes shut as if they were glued as she rest her forehead on his shoulder. Letting the large man engulf her into a hug.

"I know you are..." He gently caressed her head as he let her get her worries out. Letting her rant about the anxiety and issues she had lately.

Once she eased up. The fear in her voice quiet down as she just whimper into his hug.

"just give him time.... He doesn't hate you... Just still adapting to another person being like him."

"it's been four years..."

"He's. A tough one to get through to. Believe me I know personally..."

She listened to him as he rambled on his words. Softly she withdrew mentally from the conversation. As she just allows herself to be held.

As if he knew, he stopped ,as he just held her. Even got up as he lugged her over to his chair. As he dove back into his work, but letting her snuggle in his lap.

The way her eyes flutter shut, and eventually the soft breathing came as she rested. Drifting off to dream land in his embrace.

Price smiled as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as he was thinking. How nice it was to have another in his hoard. Another he sought as his own. And no one would touch her. He wasn't a man to share what was his anyways. Such a dragon instinct he kept.

It wasn't just on her either. The whole group he kept a firm hold on. All the lads he knew he was possessive of, he knew he didn't wanna share them. But at the same time he knew he couldn't stop them.

When she woke up. Left her work when she finished. Even promised to find him later as he needed her help with 'other things'. She went to her own dorm as she walked in.

Being surprised wasn't what she wanted. But by whom. She nearly died again if she could.

Her eyes flicker to him as he blend into the shadows. But his eyes were all she saw.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she held her hands to her chest. Shutting the door behind her as she turned the bedroom light on.

Shinning the light on the large man that took up space. His chest moved with silence, a hair of movement as he walked a bit closer. Trying to intimidate her even

"You've been shagging the old man?" He asked her, a clear tone of disgust in every word he utter

A bit surprised by this as she took a step back. Her back pressed into the door as she stared to him

"What it to you?"

"What it to me?" He scoffed at her words, mocking the way she asked him

"Let's get one 'hing straight... You're just a distraction for 'im. A new toy." He stated as he got eeriely close to her. Putting his whole weight into her as he boxed her into the door.

The way their chest touched. How he was firm on his arm on her head making her glance up to him.

His free hand grasping her cheeks as he forced her to stare. He was dominant in his presence, even showing off his dark aura he kept.

Ximena's brown eyes flickered as she tried to remain calm. Disliking how he command hrr attention or how he handled her.

"I don't care for your jealousy."

A dark chuckle left his lips as he snapped her neck down. His fingers bruising in her her throat. But she couldn't grasp back, she knew she couldn't as his black smoke filled around her. As he didn't give her the chance to.

" 'm not jealous of some mutt 'e picked off the streets. 'M disappointed 'e spending all 'is time on the likes of you."

A smile was heard in his words as he reeled back. Staring down at her as he kicked her feet open. Making her buckle and fall onto her knees as she glared up to him.

Her hands on the floor as she tried to get up again

"Don't even. Want me to tell Price you've been a brat? 'Hat you don't deserve to be 'ere, that you fought with 'is right hand man?" He taught her as he squat down to her height.

The way her eyes shook as she knew he would do that. That he could do it even.

"Awe don't cry. You didn't cry all 'hose nights when 'e bent you over 'is desk and fucked you like the slut you are."

She stared to the floor as the tears pool.

She knew he disliked her. But this. This was hatred, it was a rage for someone he loathe. And she was the point of his hate.

"What do you want then...?"

"Back off the Cap' be a good girl will yeah? The rest of us 'ave needs too.." he spoke as he got up. Shoved her aside with the door as he left.

Leaving her on the floor as she didn't know what to do.

But she did listen..not wanting to be on Ghost shit list.

She didn't make it to her 'appointment' with John. Or any others he made with her. Nor did she bug the lads about any of it.

She distanced herself after that little talk she had wit Ghost.

And her little act didn't go unnoticed either.

Months passed as she grew closed off again.

Avoiding Gaz and Soap.

Not spending quality time with Price anymore.

Shot even made herself vanish out of Ghost sight the best she could.

One evening when she was finishing her work in her room. Away from the others.

A knock on her door pulled her out her thoughts. Getting it as she noticed the trio there. Worried painted their faces as Price spoke up

"Why you been avoiding us?"

"Yeah Bonnie? What we do?"

"Come on Lass we can help you if you need it?"

She blinked a bit as she looked down..not wanting to bring the boys into her own problems.

She was a burden and she knew that well. She was pulling them away from their jobs originally, she was a thorn they took in and she only repaired them with more things on their plates.

Her mind spiral until she heard Price calling to her

"Whatever it is.. we're here for you Ximena..." He spoke as he tilted her head up. She stared in awe as she sighs. Looking down as she didn't wanna cause trouble on Ghost.

Her lips parted as she shook her head.

"I just need time... Alone boys... Thank you.." she whispered as she pulled from Johns touch. And the way it felt was amazing. But she couldn't do it. Couldn't tell on the man.

As she shut the door, locking it up even. Allowing herself to slide down the wood as she let the tears pool and trickled down.

She missed them. They made her feel so special and wanted in her miserable life for once. But here she was shutting them out.

Later that late night. She sought one out.

But to her demise and not her best choice. She found Ghost.

The way she stood out his door. She seemed so destroyed, desperate even. She had become so accustomed to their affection, the way they treated her, toyed with her.

She knew they used her like a fleshlight when they could.

She knew that what she did for them behind closed doors was distasteful. But how else could she repay them for what they've done. But they all felt amazing.

Price was rough on her. She adored it, felt like she was claimed by a man for once. The way his large cock bullied into her holes was nice. Stretching her around as she drilled with excitement. The way he held her down as he filled her up with his seed each and every time. She would be a crying mess in the end, if she wore makeup. Streaks of it down her face. Her poor curls would be tugged enough, forcing her to keep it up.

Gaz, the young man had such stamina. They went on for hours and hours. Her body would be caving in under herself as she tried to keep up. But he would be a gentleman as he pulled orgasm and orgasm out of her. Keeping her up with his arm around his waist as he filled her again and again.

And Soap- the werewolf in him didn't leave her unscathed. Claw marks linger on her hips as he was brutal. His cock outline would be jabbing through and lined in her stomach. He wasn't slow or sloppy. But he coated her in his sweet seed, her face and body soaked. He loved cleaning her up after he took his pictures for later. He made her cry in pain the most honestly...

Her thoughts yanked from the others as Ghost pulled her in.

He could tell she needed something as he let her sit on his bed. Arms crossed over his chest as he glared down to her.

"You've been ignoring them?" He asked the question he had since he noticed her change.

"...You warned me to..."

"I told yous to stop shagging the Capt."

She didn't speak up as she looked to her shoes. Feeling aware she made a mistake coming here-

"I love them..." She whispered as she admitted it. It's the only reason why she's stayed. She fell down this hole of 'love' she told herself

A twisted one even in her opinion. She didn't want them to leave her. She wanted to stay even when she was given the chance to go

Looking up to Ghost as he shot narrowed glared. Sizing her up even as he let her speak.

"I never left when I could... Because I fell in love... I think? I don't know what love was really... Maybe I'm crazy sure... I think I love them... And they love me?.."

"They love a free shag-"

"Oh I know... I'm probably just that to them... I know I'm just a few holes they get off of now... And they know a few pretty words would keep me hooked and planted here... That's probably why they spoil me...?" She spoke the words outloud she never dared say.

She never told any of them those words directly. Because she knew one thing. She was this Task Force toy. That's why they brought her in originally anyways.

She grew so used to it even. Telling herself that was love. Every ounce of their seeds, every thrust they gave her, each bruise, each mark, everything. It was love...

Ghost stared at her as he let her ramble on and on. How confused she was. How lost she felt. How without them she was actually nothing

"I didn't 'hink you cared for 'hem..." He stated as he walked over. Sitting besides her, at arms length

"Ive never been loved before.. or showered with this much attention. Unless someone wanted me dead." She smiled a bit as she looked up to him finally. The tears pooled down as she sighs.

"I.. don't know why I'm telling you this..."

"Because 'm not them."

He sighs a tad, his hand on her knee now as he didn't know how to handle this. He never wanted her in his room. Or even this close to him to begin with. But he felt a bit bad that he caused her this pain. A hair bit bad.

"Why do.. you hate me?"

It felt like his breathing stopped as he glanced to her.

"I don't"

"Liar. All you've done since I've been here is tell me how much I'm a burden or how much I take up space."

He stared at her with his brown eyes. Knowing she was spilling the truth to him.

"I disliked how quickly you took to John... But I hate how my soul itches each time I see you "

She froze when he spoke those words. A shiver up her spine as she remembered how he used to make her feel.

"You felt that too?"

"Too?" His eyes linger on her as he heard those words.

The pair sat in a simple silence as they processed the revelation.

Their souls kept tugging towards the other.

Ximena's eyes flicker to him as she scoot closer. Letting her knee press against his as she spoke up

"I've felt that since we met... Like my soul wants me to seek you... No matter how far away or how cruel you've been... I felt that stupid urge to find you..."

His eyes trailed down her. Seeing no indication of lying, seeing how she was brave enough to tell him that. Seeing how... Pretty she was this close.

His eyes hood a bit. Leaning down as he let his smoke surround her. Letting it tug on them both, becoming a bit toxic as he didn't want others to hear. Or himself to admit what he was gonna say

"Let me get a taste of ya.." he whispered as he pinned her back.

From there she couldn't remember much-

All she remembered was the smoke surrounding her. The wayyl it seep into her non existent lungs, it felt like foreign her body

But it excite her. Her legs eventually were around his large torso.

The way only half his mask was up, just enough for their lips to connect.

And the rest from that night was history.

Morning light flood the room.

Ximena laid in the comfortable bed. Her curls sprawled out. The way her nude body was wrapped into someone's?

Her eyes flutter open as she looked around.

It wasn't a dream?

Her hands were gently holding against his arms. The way he kept an iron grip on her. The way even now his morning wood was firm inside her. Feeling him twitching, a long with his shallow thrusts.

His breath on her exposed neck as she whimpers. The way he kept her pin under him.

She wouldn't find out about the marks, the hickies nor the bruises till she got out his arms.

" 'M not letting you leave..." He whispered as he kept his thrusting up.

Pulling whimpers out of her throat as she laid there. Letting him fill her for the nth time now.

Her moans and his filled the room. The way his bed slam into the walls filled the room and outside.

But unknown to them. Outside his room was the lads. Listening in as they heard their precious Ximena being brutally shagged.

All of them a bit surprised it even was happening. But at the same time a bit relieved

" 'Bout time huh?" Gaz whisper as he sighs.

" We lass ain't walking straigh' for a month" Soap chuckled as his tail wagged. Adjusting his pants a bit

Price stood there as he ignored the two.

Hearing his best man, a long with his favorite lass screwing each other.

His lip was a line, his fangs poking out as he stormed off a bit. His tail swaying as he had plans to deal with them later.

"Ghost~!" Ximena cried out. His large hands on her torso, pinning her down. Her face to the side as she glanced back to him.

Her knees parted, her arse in the air as his thrust slam into her large bottom. Watching ripples from each thrust

" 'ake it you mutt. 'Ake my seed? 'll make sure yous not walking right!"

She whined and cried as he kept going. Their skin slapping filling the room as she cried in pain

"It hurts-" she hiccups a tad as he kept going.

" Almost done" he stated as he slam forward a few times. His groans echoed in her ears, he flung his head back as he released in her. His cock pop out a tad even and slicked her ass with his seed.

He admired his work as he smacked her ass a few times. Whines from her echoed as he kept going. Leaving her with a red bottom

"Such a view..." He spoke as he watched her black out from their day of fucking.

Ghost chuckled a bit as he got out the bed. Cleaned her up a tad, keeping her mostly coated in his seed. As he left her be in his bed. Getting ready for the day till he walked by her.

Watching her snooze as she seem so content now. Her face buried into the pillow he usually slept on

" 'll be back..." He whispered and leaned down. Rubbing her head as he walked out his room.

[null-doesnothing]

I think about the Rex Stout "Watson was a woman" rant every fucking day. I have introduced (or plan to introduce) all my friends to it, indiscriminately, you don't even have to like sherlock holmes. I quote it frequently. never have I ever been so moved by fandom nonsense in my LIFE. that man was having 2014 tumblr discourse in 1942 and you know what I admire him for it. absolutely mad. the quote "the most mystical number, namely seven" rattles around in my brain constantly. I am not keeping my chairs, lads

[doberbutts]

I think the terms TMA/TME work best when they're used as rules of thumb, rather than expected to function as strict categories. They're often helpful, but occasionally they can become obfuscatory, and there are edge cases where they can't be neatly applied. In those cases, they should be set aside, but with an understanding that they will be brought back into conversations when helpful.

To give a personal perspective - I'm a trans masc individual who has, upon occasion, experienced misdirected transmisogyny. I was on T for 5 years, then came off it (partly due to health problems, partly due to starting to identify as nonbinary rather than as a man) and began presenting in a more feminine manner, and people would regularly mistake me for a trans woman.

When people thought I was a trans woman, I did notice an increase in hostility, harassment and unwelcome advances from strangers. Groups of men would shout at me in the street, mothers would glare at me and physically pull their children further away from me if I came near. I also started getting catcalled and couldn't enjoy a night out in a club without being groped. I'd experienced some of these things as a trans man and as a girl, but probably never at such a high frequency or so intensely.

I definitely think I got a taste of transmisogyny and people do still assume I'm trans fem from time to time. But I still wouldn't describe myself as TMA. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but if it feels relevant in the context of a conversation, I will say I'm TME. Because I think the terms are about overarching dynamics, rather than whether or not an individual has ever faced a single instance of transmisogyny.

For me, there was always a sense of distance between myself and any negative experience, that came from knowing they'd misread my AGAB - "that lad just called me a chick with a dick! How funny! I'd be so lucky!" / "You're harassing me for using the female showers at the gym when I am literally menstruating. Are you going to stop being a creep, or do I have to show you my bloody tampon?" There's a degree to which I can sidestep or disavow their idea of me in a manner trans women can't.

I also don't know what it's like to deal with many other elements of transmisogyny, or deal with it as an overarching narrative in one's life rather than a freak episode.

I think it's fair to say I have at times been a grey area and I could use my experiences to argue against the validity of TME/TMA, but I don't want to do that. I don't like it when the terms are just used as a way to say AFAB/AMAB while being perceived as less problematic. But I think it is helpful to have little shorthand reminders about specific power dynamics that do have an impact in our communities. I have absolutely seen transmisogyny play out in queer spaces, both online and IRL, and I think it's worth having vocabulary that emphatically reminds people to check themselves and to not assume they don't have internalised bias against trans women just because they're trans masc.

Trans women are a boogeyman in popular culture and the collective unconscious in a way trans men never have been (at least, not to anything like the same extent). Trans women face an intensity of monstering that I think most people won't understand unless they spend a lot of time sharing space with and listening to trans women. The rapid adoption of TMA/TME feels like an attempt to fast-track that understanding en masse. Maybe it's a bit clumsy, but I do think it's having an impact and important conversations are happening. I don't know if the terms will stick or fall out of use. Having been in the trans community for over a decade and seeing how our vocabularies evolve, I'm inclined to think they'll stick around for a few years and then largely disappear. But I feel that while trans women are finding them useful, we need to be respectful of that fact.

Idk sorry to rant in your askbox, I wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to ignore lol

I'm going to be a bit blunt here: in the span of time I've been off tumblr to, you know, sleep... I've gotten 20 different asks trying to convince me to like the usage of tma/tme and also several transphobic asks about my top surgery. The transphobic ones I blocked and deleted because I'm literally 3 weeks out and will not be dissuaded. But I'm simply not willing to continue arguing a point I've made very clear that I don't love the usage of this particular theory the way it's currently being used.

You can like it for yourself. I have said this over and over again. I do not like it for me, and do not think it is accurate for my life or my experiences or the reality that is what I have to go through on a regular basis. True to everything else that I've posted, I don't really care what you call yourself. If you want to call yourself TME and you believe that framework works for your experience, more power to you. Just don't label me that, because I don't think it works for mine.

Trans women are absolutely a boogeyman in a way that trans men often aren't. That is, unfortunately, one of the ways that hypervisibility is such a curse. Everyone knows what a trans woman is, and a good majority of those people also think the only good one's a dead one. That's bad. That's transmisogyny, and we should ally with trans women to help fix this problem.

Also unfortunately, as trans men become more and more visible to the world, instead of facing mass erasure and dying in silence or escaping to live in stealth, trans men are also beginning to become a boogeyman as well. Now we are a social contagion, a craze, with rapid onset gender dysphoria, mutilating ourselves and ruining our precious bodies, carving out our wombs, simultaneously debasing ourselves and also becoming predators lurking to snatch daughters up and forcefeed them our ideology, betraying women by becoming a mockery of men. What's worse, we tend to politically close ranks with trans women and cis women alike so it's harder for transphobic lawmakers to divide and conquer as they're used to with cis men, so instead they have to demonize us to prevent any further allyship.

That's the conversation trans mascs are trying to have.

Genuinely, I do agree that trans women face an othering that most people do not grasp without understanding transmisogyny theory, which is why I think everyone should have at least a basic understanding of it. But I also think that's true of many other demographics, and that if we want to get out of the pit that bigoted society put us in, we've got to work together to do so. It was, after all, the combined efforts of Marsha P Johnson AND Storme de Laverie that brought us out in the open. And among me friend group, we have people from all different races and backgrounds and genders and more locking arms to ensure the safety of each other, wanting to understand and know each other, lifting each other up.