#at least doing it and it not being the joke

[swagyna]

extremely long post below the cut, please read the entire thing b4 brashly doing anything. there's a lot and there is scaling difficulty with the steps you can take.

it's actually better for android users to debloat their phones than to just turn off settings — if done correctly, you're able to fully uninstall apps from your phone.

we already know that, after Facebook being put on trial in 2012 (settled in 2022 for a measely $90m out of their $590b) due to their tracking settings — even if off — are still running. even if you turn phone settings off, apps are able to "see" one another and collect data that way. including your keyboard. i repeat:

YOUR PRE-INSTALLED PHONE KEYBOARD IS A DATA COLLECTOR

the issue is that debloating your phone takes a little know-how, and you need a PC to do it. you cannot just "disable" apps from your phone, they're still functional at some capacity.

i REALLY recommend using UAD (Universal Android Debloater) if possible. which, again, requires a computer — i also recommend that you entirely stop using any and all Google services. i am talking down to: Learning How to Read A Map

no more google maps. yes, it's a total pain in the ass, but data collection is not a joke. gmail is a data collector, YouTube is a data collector any form of docs/sheets is a collector, and again:

i cannot fucking stress this enough.

YOUR PRE-INSTALLED KEYBOARD COLLECTS YOUR KEYSTROKE DATA.

IT. TRACKS. WHAT. YOU. ARE. TYPING.

this link has installation instructions for UAD — this is to debloat your phone, focusing on unnecessary Samsung and Google apps. the major 2 problems are: you will need a computer, and you will need to learn how to use GitHub thru YT tutorials.

learning how to use GitHub will be extremely important for protecting your PC as well from Windows bullshit

🗣️DO THIS FIFTH🗣️

a chart of what apps to uninstall and what they do:

(there are also some other ways to stop/uninstall apps on this post, but i don't know the details behind them and recommend you look into them yourself if you can't use UAD)

🗣️DO THIS FOURTH🗣️

for a Google Play Store replacement:

list of games available on fdroid:

🗣️DO THIS FIRST🗣️

for a non-tracking QWERTY, QWERTZ, AZERTY, Kurdish QWERTY, Russian, and more keyboard:

for a non-tracking Japanese 3x4 keyboard:

🗣️DO THIS SECOND🗣️

NewPipe is the YT alternative; this app prevents Google from collecting your IP and you no longer have 1) ads 2) to login 3) afk prompts to check if "you're still there".

🗣️DO THIS THIRD🗣️

USE FIREFOX AND TOR. set your default search engine to DuckDuckGo on FF

(there's actually discussion on whether or not firefox is completely trustworthy on mobile due to their code not being entirely opensource. something to do with working with google. the f-droid alternative is Fennec)

also please read a bit about how to properly use Tor; the tldr is to not login to anything — social media, emails, news sites — while using it

an endnote:

you do NOT have to do this all at once; i started out with swapping my keyboard and YT over first. i'd recommend at least doing your keyboard.

i just recently swapped to fdroid and installed Tor. i'm currently swapping out all of my gmail accounts for protonmail, tutamail, and mailfence.

i haven't even opened UAD yet, as i'm still in the process of finding app equivalents on fdroid and untangling myself from google services.

these will ALL take time getting used to — it sucks and the keyboards are absolutely not as efficient, but that's because there are no installed keyloggers. do not let laziness borne out of ease of use from proprietary apps and software prevent you from protecting yourself. i cannot stress this enough : do not be lazy about this.

r/privacy, r/cybersecurity, and privacyguides are great places to get started in understanding how to protect yourself online. i definitely recommend you start looking into how to do so on your PC as well, if you've got one

as for iOS users?

you're shit outta luck.

anyway yeah DELETE YOUR FUCKING ADVERTISING IDS

Android:

Settings ➡️ Google ➡️ all services ➡️ Ads ➡️ Delete advertising ID

(may differ slightly depending on android version and manufacturer firmware. you can't just search settings for "advertising ID" of course 🔪)

iOS:

Settings ➡️ privacy ➡️ tracking ➡️ toggle "allow apps to request to track" to OFF

and ALSO settings ➡️ privacy ➡️ Apple advertising ➡️ toggle "personalized ads" to OFF

more details about the process here via the EFF

[cjlouwho]

Death at the Farmer's Market

You guys all decided on this poll that Tommy should get stabbed at the farmer's market, so here you go! *no major character death, a murder/suicide plot is briefly discussed*

He supposed the farmer's market wasn't the worst place to die. He'd prefer to be elsewhere, but it could be worse than the farmer's market.

He hoped his dad never found out he died right by the fruitcake stand. He could hear the jokes now.

Actually, his dad probably wouldn't come to the funeral, but he'd have to tell his buddies at the bar at some point.

He'd either completely ignore the whole “he was right by the fruitcakes” part, or he's use it as a silly little anecdote to lighten the mood.

Either way, Tommy wished he would've been stabbed literally anywhere other than by the fruitcakes. The soap booth would've been nice. Or by the bracelet lady. Hell, even the woman trying to get rid of the clothes she purchased at the height of some MLM scheme would've been preferred.

In fact, the MLM woman was super helpful at the moment as she used one of her checkered shirts to apply pressure to one of his wounds.

Tommy had managed to get the man on the ground before the stabbing happened. He just wished he'd known the guy had two knives instead of one.

He hadn't been the target. Had seen this man storming toward a woman and her daughter. She must've known him; she shouted his name when Tommy tackled him to the ground.

Tommy didn't let go of the man- Charlie, he thinks- until he stopped moving. The pain didn't register until the little girl screamed, pointing at him. He looked down to see blood soaking his shirt, and a knife sticking out of his chest.

He collapsed to the ground soon after that.

Right by the damn fruitcakes.

Thankfully, someone had the brains to yell out and make sure no one removed the knife.

Miss MLM dropped down beside him and pressed her clothing onto the wound that was bleeding the worst.

In his slightly dazed state, he tried to reach into his back pocket for his wallet. Felt the need to pay this lady for destroying her product.

Beside him, some man took his hand. Reassured him over and over that it'd be okay, help was on the way.

Tommy had heard that line before. Hell, he'd told people that line before. Not that help was coming, because he was the help. But he'd often tell people they'd be okay. Especially when he knew they wouldn't be. It's easier to die when you think you won't.

Tommy coughed. Ignored the taste of copper in his mouth. “T- The wo... woman?”

“She's okay,” another woman said. Tommy couldn't see where that voice was coming from. “You saved her.”

Well, at least he had that.

Then, there was another voice. A very familiar voice.

“Maddie?” Tommy mumbled.

Someone had called 9-1-1. They'd put her on speaker.

“M- Maddie, no... no one- eight-” he was cut off by another coughing fit.

The phone must've been near his head, because he was fairly certain she heard him.

“Tommy?! Tommy, is that you?”

The man holding his hand patted it, getting his attention. “Tommy? Is- Is that your name?”

“Mmmhm,” Tommy managed to hum.

“Yeah, his name is Tommy.”

Tommy was sure he heard an, “Oh God,” on the other end of the line. If he wasn't in the middle of dying he'd tell her she needed to work on her subtleties. Then she was off the line. Whether it was brief, or for a while, he wasn't sure.

“Hey, hey!” Hand-man exclaimed, hitting Tommy's hand harder now. “Keep your eyes open, Tommy! Come on, hang in there!”

Tommy glared at the man. He didn't need to be told what to do. If he wanted to close his eyes, he'd close his damn eyes! What the hell did it matter anyway?

Suddenly, people were yelling, and sirens could be heard in the distance. A path was being cleared seconds later, and familiar people with actual names dropped beside Tommy.

“Well look at this,” Chimney said, and Tommy made a note that he hid his panic much better than his wife did, “here to save your ass, yet again.”

“I ha- have... I have s- saved your ass a- a bunch,” Tommy deadpanned.

“Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in.”

“He's not wrong though,” Hen agreed, cutting Tommy's shirt open.

Tommy was about to attempt a joke about how he wouldn't have skipped his workout had he known he'd be exposed like this, but he was stopped before he could start.

“Tommy! Tommy!”

Tommy's eyes drifted up as Chimney and Hen continued working on him. “Ev- Evan, I didn't-”

“Shh,” Buck soothed, running his fingers through Tommy's hair. “Don't try and talk, just- just relax, okay?”

And oh, it ran in the family, because Evan was not doing a good job at keeping his tears in his eyes.

“S'okay,” Tommy said. His arm flailed up limply beside him until Buck took it. “S'okay. I- I'm okay, E-” He was cut off by another round of coughing, followed by severe pain, and ten suddenly, everything went black.

*****

Tommy wasn't exactly sure how death worked, but he was fairly certain it didn't involve waking up in a hospital bed.

He groaned as he blinked his eyes open, his body feeling stiffer than it ever had in his life.

“Tommy?”

He looked over to see Evan sitting in the chair beside him, eyes wide and wet. Their hands were tangled together, Evan's knuckles white from the tight grip.

“M- Morning,” Tommy muttered, voice gravelly.

He managed to get a little smile out of Evan with that. “It's actually ten at night.”

“Oh. Sorry for, um, sleeping all day.”

Buck rolled his eyes, letting go of Tommy's hand to grab a cup of water off the tray table.

“Sip,” he instructed, and Tommy obeyed.

“So... not dead, then?” Tommy asked once he was finished with his drink.

Buck sat and took his hand again. “Nope,” he confirmed. “Couldn't let you die by the table of fruitcakes.”

Tommy laughed, wincing when a flash of pain came over him. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Of course.”

“What... What about the other guy?”

“He... He didn't make it,” Buck replied. “I guess you two were, um, st- stabbing each other at the same time?”

“Didn't know he had the second knife,” Tommy said. “I'm not upset h- he's dead though.”

“You shouldn't be. He had a note with him. He was there to kill his ex-wife. Daughter too, then himself.”

“They'll... They'll be okay, won't they?”

Buck smiled. “They've already contacted the hospital. They'd like to visit, when you're up for it.”

Tommy looked down at their hands, giving Buck's a squeeze. “A day or two.”

Buck nodded.

They sat in silence for a moment, Buck rubbing his thumb over Tommy's. “I have a question.”

Tommy shook his head. “Here we go.”

“Why were you at the farmer's market? Alone? On a work day?”

“Are you sure I'm not dead? Positive th- this isn't purgatory?”

“Tommy.”

“I may have told a little, tiny fib about whether or not I could get off work early.”

“Thomas Buckley-Kinard!”

“I wanted to get you some flowers!” Tommy defended. “And I- I was gonna get the house all ready. Make you a special dinner, dessert, th- the whole nine yards.”

“See, this is what happens when we lie.”

“We get stabbed on our second wedding anniversary?”

“Exactly.”

Tommy sighed, pouting out his bottom lip at Buck.

“Don't do that!” Buck whined. “I can't deny your pout!”

“It's because I rarely bring it out. Forgive me, Evan?”

“I can't not forgive you after you got stabbed.”

“It would be very unfair,” Tommy agreed.

Another eye roll and Buck stood, leaning over the bed to press a kiss to Tommy's lips. “I love you, Tommy.”

“I love you too.”

“Don't ever get stabbed again, okay?”

“I'll try,” Tommy promised. “Especially not by the damn fruitcakes.”

[itsnesss]

𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐧 | minho (xo,kitty) × fem!reader

summary | during a weekend getaway, unspoken tension between you and minho comes to a head despite his relationship. a stolen kiss leaves you conflicted, torn between your feelings and doing what’s right

warnings | fluff, infidelity, tension, kisses, emotional conflict

word count | 1.6 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

The invitation arrived unexpectedly at night. You were about to finish your tasks when your phone buzzed with a message in the group chat you shared with your friends.

Min Ho: "Hey, losers. This weekend, I’m inviting you to my dad’s cabin. Before you start making pathetic plans, confirm who’s coming. It’s going to be epic."

You stared at the message, surprised. Min Ho didn’t usually organize things like this… or at least, he didn’t invite everyone. Yuri was the first to reply.

Yuri: "Of course, we’re coming! Although I can’t believe you’re being generous. Is this a joke?"

Juliana: "I’m in! I wouldn’t miss it!"

Q: "Count me in."

Then, a message from Stella, his girlfriend, appeared.

Stella: "It’ll be fun. 💕"

For a moment, you hesitated. There was something about the idea of spending a weekend with Min Ho that made you feel… nervous. For months, there had been this strange tension between you two: glances that lasted longer than they should, little jokes only you understood, and an electricity you tried to ignore. But he had a girlfriend. And you weren’t that kind of person.

Still, you finally typed: "I’m in."

Min Ho: "Good choice. See you Friday at 5 PM. Don’t be late.

The weekend came quickly. Everyone gathered in the KISS parking lot, where Min Ho waited with his cars. Stella took the passenger seat, and you ended up in the back, squeezed between Yuri and Juliana. During the ride, Min Ho drove with a confidence that was as infuriating as it was attractive, throwing sarcastic comments that seemed aimed directly at you.

"Ready for the best weekend of your life?" he asked, briefly glancing back at you with a smug grin.

"I don’t know, Min Ho. You’ll have to try really hard to impress me," you replied, crossing your arms.

The "cabin" turned out to be a luxury villa in the middle of the forest, with huge windows, modern furniture, and a lake view straight out of a postcard. "Welcome to paradise," Min Ho said, spreading his arms wide.

The afternoon passed with board games, walks by the lake, and laughter. Stella was more interested in her phone than the group, leaving Min Ho free to talk to you more than he should have. His comments seemed harmless, but there was something in his tone and the way he looked at you that made your heart beat faster than usual.

When night fell, Yuri suggested using the outdoor jacuzzi. "It’s the perfect way to end the day!"

"I hope you all brought decent swimsuits," Min Ho said, throwing you a teasing look.

"I hope you talk less," you shot back, meeting his gaze.

The jacuzzi was surrounded by warm lights that gave the garden a tranquil atmosphere. Everyone got in, laughing, and for a while, you managed to relax. Min Ho, as always, dominated the conversation with exaggerated stories, but his eyes kept finding yours. That invisible connection you’d both been ignoring was there, growing stronger by the minute.

One by one, your friends began to leave the jacuzzi. Yuri and Juliana were the first, saying they were cold. Then Q, who yawned dramatically before saying goodnight. Finally, Stella said, "I’m going to bed, love. Don’t stay too long," planting a kiss on Min Ho’s cheek before disappearing into the villa.

Now, you were alone with him. You tried to focus on the starry sky, but the silence between you was too heavy. Finally, Min Ho broke the ice.

"Why do you always do that?"

You turned to him, confused. "Do what?"

"Pretend like nothing matters to you," he said, leaning against the edge of the jacuzzi as he stared at you.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Min Ho," you replied, crossing your arms.

"Yes, you do," he insisted, with that infuriating smile that made your heart race and drove you crazy at the same time.

"If you’re looking for a fight, find someone else," you retorted, turning your gaze back to the water.

But he didn’t back down. "I’m not looking for a fight. I just want to understand why you act like you don’t feel the same way I do."

Your heart skipped a beat. "Min Ho, you have a girlfriend."

"That doesn’t answer my question," he said, leaning a little closer to you.

You looked him straight in the eye, trying to stay calm. "Because it doesn’t make sense, Min Ho. We’re different. You’re… you. And I don’t want complications."

"Complications?" he repeated, as if he couldn’t believe it. "Is that what you think I am?"

"No," you admitted softly. "But all of this would be. I don’t want to be the reason someone gets hurt."

For a moment, Min Ho didn’t say anything. He just looked at you, a mix of frustration and something else in his eyes. Finally, he spoke. "Do you know what your problem is? You always try to do the right thing, even when it’s not what you want."

"And that’s a bad thing, according to you?" you replied, raising an eyebrow.

"No, but…" he began, then stopped. He sighed, as if he was about to confess something important. "I’ve been trying to ignore this for months. But every time I’m near you, it’s like nothing else exists."

His words left you breathless. You wanted to say something, but the words didn’t come. And then, before you could think about what you were doing, his lips were on yours.

The kiss was slow, intense, and full of everything you both had been holding back. His hands gently cupped your face, while the world around you seemed to disappear. But just as you were starting to lose yourself in the moment, reality hit you like a bucket of cold water.

You pulled away abruptly, your heart pounding. "This shouldn’t have happened," you said, moving away from him.

Min Ho looked at you, confused. "Why not?"

"Because you have a girlfriend, Min Ho. Stella trusts you. I can’t be that person."

"And what about what I feel? Or what you feel?" he asked, his voice softer this time.

"That doesn’t matter. It can’t matter," you whispered, your eyes filled with a sadness you couldn’t hide.

You quickly got up, wrapping the towel around your body. "I’m sorry, but this isn’t right."

Without waiting for a response, you walked back to the villa, leaving Min Ho alone. His words, and the warmth of his kiss, echoed in your mind as you walked away. This shouldn’t have happened. It couldn’t happen. And yet, a part of you wished things were different.

[bellyaz]

CW: Humiliation/Degradation

Your weight is out of control, like seriously.

I didn’t wanna say anything cause I know I played a part in it, but this is insane. At first, I didn’t think about it cause everyone gains weight sometimes, yknow? It’s normal. But you’ve blown up so quickly, it’s almost like you’re doing it on purpose.

I can admit that it all started after that treacherous group project- even though you weren’t that small back then, but whatever. I didn’t see the harm in a hotbox followed by some fast food after every session. I thought it would be a nice treat after we put in all that work.

And when the project was over our group saw it right to celebrate. So we went even bigger; edibles at the buffet. Again, I can admit that we all ate more than we could usually handle, but you? You made a spectacle of yourself. You carried two packed plates each time you got up and it sounded like you were out of breath each time you had to get up. I don’t know if you realized, but when we were leaving your shirt rode up and everybody could see your belly and the top of your ass crack. Oh, and your shirt was clinging to your belly. You even said you looked pregnant, then you started rubbing your gut like you were. We thought it was funny and a couple other people even joined in. But I digress.

Even after the project when we really became friends, we would do the same thing. Get high and eat, get drunk and eat, get cross faded and eat. I noticed you pudging up, but I thought you would bounce back like I do. But you didn’t, and I think it might be too late for that anyway.

You know what else I noticed? You have like, no more stamina. Everybody has to climb the same flight of stairs to get to my room, but you be huffing and puffing when you get here and it lasts for at least five minutes. And it’s getting worst. Like fuck, I’m only on the second floor.

I mean, we can’t even go out anymore cause when you’re always complaining about how all of your clothes are too tight. I mean they are, sometimes when you’re reaching for stuff your belly peeks out… and your shorts ride up a lot. But it’s so obvious why they don’t fit. So we end up staying in, getting faded, and ordering a bunch of food.

And I’m sorry, but going to the mall with you is so draining. I love the shopping and stuff but you start complaining about how you’re “starving” after one store and I end up in the food court waiting for you to go to two or three different restaurants. And THEN I have to sit and wait for half an hour while you shove everything down your gullet while people stare. Aren’t you embarrassed by that?

Ugh, and when we go grocery shopping? The junk you put in your cart is something to be ashamed of. I know Little Debbie HATES to see you coming. I mean, pints of the fattiest ice creams, chips, snack cakes, 2 liter sodas, chocolates, candies… Your cart is always packed but there’s never a vegetable in sight. Isn’t that concerning?

And it’s showing in your body. You have stretch marks all over your belly and love handles, your arms are puckering, you have a double chin now, and your thighs have cellulite all over them. Fuck, you jiggle with every step you take. And again, you’re out of breath all the time. When you come by me, when you get up to go to the bathroom, when you eat... I can literally hear you breathing hard right now, and you’re just sitting there.

Is this your fetish or something? No judgement. I mean, why else would you be doing this to yourself? You stuff your face then “joke” about how fat you feel, like you want me to validate your gluttony or something. You always wear these skimpy little clothes when you come over like you want me to ogle at your growing body, and you eat until you can’t move every time we stay in. And even when we would go out, you swore you couldn’t leave until you ate, which duh, you don’t wanna be out for hours with an empty stomach. So on top of being bloated from the pregame, you packed your gut with some greasy bullshit from the closest fast food place instead of something that would actually keep you full. Cause you would bitch about being hungry like hour into the functions.

So be honest. Does it get you wet? When you overeat and you’re moaning about how fast you made yourself do you soak through your panties? Are you gonna cum in your itty bitty shorts if I touch your fat ass stretched out gut? Hm? What if I pulled your shirt up and made you jump? Actually… I saw you bite your lip a little earlier. Oh my gosh, you got off to this whole conversation, didn’t you?

[jupitermelichios]

I actively seek out terrible movies, I've seen almost everything Uve Bol has ever made, and I maintain a Letterboxd list called 'movies I genuinely regret watching', so this is a subject I've given a lot of thought to.

Super is the most bleakly nihilistic movie I've ever watched, and has a rape scene it plays as a joke because it's happening to a man. Spawn is so visually ugly it's actually physically painful to look at in places. Snyder's Justice League is over 4 hours long, 3 of those are unecessary slo-mo, and all of them are too dark to see what the fuck is happening. The animated Injustice: Gods Among us movie is so lazily written it managed to take one of the best comics ever written about the insidiousness of facism, and make an accidentially pro-facist movie. Performance famously made one of the actors quit acting in response to being in it, and watching made me seriously consider quitting watching movies in solidarity. Peter Rabbit 2: the Runaway has a moment where one of the characters looks straight at the camera and says "imagine if someone tried to make a soulless hollywood CG movie out of a beloved british children's book, wouldn't that be terrible?", and I'm not even joking about that.

The King's Man is so unfinished and incoherent I genuinely don't know how it got released, and watching Fant4stic feels almost exactly like slipping into a depressive episode.

But despite all the many many terrible movies I have seen in my life, many of which dealt me massive psychic damage, if we're talking massive disproportionate rage, the answer has to be 2014's TMNT.

Is it objectively the worst movie I've ever seen? God no. Is it the ugliest looking? Also no. Compared to Spawn, the hideous beige CGI turtles are practically an artistic masterpiece. Is the most morally bankrupt? Considering transformers 4's stance on statutory rape, it's not even the most morally bankrupt Michael Bay movie.

Does it make me wish I had a time machine so I could prevent the original TMNT comics from being written just so they could never inspire this fucking movie? Absolutely yes.

Is there a very real risk that I would just haul off and punch Michael Bay in the face for inflicting it on the world if I were ever the meet him? God yes.

Would I just walk out of the room and never return if someone told me they loved it? I could be on trial and I'd still at least try to just leave if my lawyer told me they liked it.

Do I think the world would be an objectively better, brighter, happier place if this 90 minute soulless heartless piece of low-key racist cgi garbage was erased from existence? Unquestionably yes, and you disagree we can never ever be friends.

I am fully aware my hatred is disproporiate, bad as the movie objectively is, but there's just something about it that makes me absolutely furious.

What would you guys consider the worst movie you've ever seen? Not something that's fun to make fun of, nothing you ironically enjoyed, I mean just an absolutely miserable moviegoing experience that you paid for, hated every second, and wish you had walked out of and asked for a refund.

For me, no joke, Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. It did not even feel like a real movie to me. It made me see red! I was SEETHING with anger and annoyance throughout the entire thing, and I cannot for the life of me articulate why. I saw it once in 2012 when I was 15, I remember almost nothing about it now, but it struck a nerve with me like no other movie ever has before or since.

Tell me in the tags, which movie makes you disproportionately angry just thinking about it?

[cosmiclily]

chapter one: heartache

wc: 2.1k

Five years. Vi and Caitlyn had been together for five years before Caitlyn decided that the exposure from Vi’s life as a musician was “too much.” She said she was already dealing with enough from her mother’s expectations, constant scrutiny, and the pressure to be perfect. Being tied to someone constantly in the spotlight only amplified the chaos she was trying to escape.

But how do you just walk away from five years? Five years of love, growth, and shared memories. They had been through everything together—the awkward phases, the big milestones, the small, intimate moments that made life feel worth it. They were each other’s first in almost everything: first love, first heartbreak, first time believing someone could truly know and accept them for who they were.

Vi couldn’t imagine a future without Caitlyn in it. Caitlyn wasn’t just her girlfriend; she was her rock, her balance, her safe place in a world that could be loud and overwhelming. With her, life made sense. Without her, it felt like the ground had been pulled out from under her feet.

Now, Vi was left standing in the ruins of what they had built together, forced to pick up the shattered pieces and figure out who she was without Caitlyn. Every corner of her life reminded her of what she’d lost—the songs Caitlyn inspired, the jokes they shared together, the faint trace of her perfume still clinging to the throw pillows they’d picked out together.

Relearning herself wasn’t just hard—it felt impossible. How do you start over when so much of your identity has been intertwined with someone else? How do you let go of someone who was your past, your present, and the future you were certain you’d have?

Vi’s days were spent trying to fill the void Caitlyn left behind, and her nights were haunted by the deafening silence where laughter and love used to live.

──────────────────────

“Wake up!” you say, shaking Vi’s body aggressively. “I sure hope you’re not dead or still drunk because we leave in 30 minutes. Pack your shit.” You’re already gathering her clothes scattered across the room, shoving them into her beat-up suitcase. It’s barely holding together, much like its owner.

The thing is, you love Vi—you really do. She’s one of your best friends, and without a doubt, one of the most talented people you’ve ever met. But ever since her breakup with Caitlyn, she’s been a complete wreck. All she does these days is drink and mope around like the world ended.

When she first came to you, heartbroken and teary-eyed, spilling every detail of the split, you were genuinely sad for her. Five years with someone isn’t easy to walk away from. But, selfishly, you couldn’t help but think,“At least we’ll get some killer songs out of this.” Heartbreak always fuels the best music, right? You figured she’d take her pain and pour it into the band.

Instead, she spends 85% of her days drowning herself in booze and picking fights with strangers in dive bars, and the other 15% passed out somewhere she probably shouldn’t be. Honestly, it’s exhausting keeping up with her. At least this time, she actually made it back to her own hotel room instead of crashing on some stranger’s couch—or worse.

“Violet, seriously,” you snap, shaking her again when all you get is a groan. “You’re a grown-ass woman, and I’m not your babysitter. Get up, get dressed, and try not to look like you’ve been on a week-long bender. The van is leaving, and I’m not letting you make us late again.”

She finally stirs, one bloodshot eye cracking open as she glares at you. “What’s your problem?” she mutters, her voice gravelly and tired.

“My problem? My problem is that you’re wasting your talent and dragging us all down with you. I get it—you’re hurt, heartbroken, life sucks. But this?” You gesture around the room, littered with empty bottles and discarded clothes. “This isn’t you, Vi. And it sure as hell isn’t the Vi this band needs right now.”

She sits up slowly, rubbing her temples like even that’s too much effort. “You don’t get it,” she mutters, her voice low. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like Cait.”

You take a deep breath, softening your tone. “No, I don’t. I won’t pretend I do. But I know Caitlyn wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. And I know you’re better than this. So, get your ass up and let’s get to work. You don’t have to fix everything right now, but at least show up—for yourself, and for us.”

She looks at you for a long moment, her face unreadable. For a second, you think she’s going to argue. But instead, she sighs heavily, dragging herself out of bed like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

“Fine,” she mutters, running a hand through her mess of hair. “I’ll pack. But don’t expect me to look ‘presentable.’”

You snort, tossing her a clean shirt you found buried under a pile of god knows what. “Presentable’s overrated. I’ll settle for functional.”

She gives you a half-smirk, the closest thing to a smile you’ve seen from her in weeks, and starts gathering the rest of her things.

You make your way to the van, your thoughts swirling as you reflect on how much your lives have changed in such a short time. Just a few months ago, you were barely scraping by, playing gigs at any bar that would have you. Your dad thought joining a band was a terrible idea—especially since it meant you wouldn’t be going to college. He never liked Vi, or her family for that matter, constantly calling her a bad influence. He’d been saying that ever since the two of you met in high school, always claiming that Vi was the one putting reckless ideas in your head.

When you told him you were starting a band with her, he completely lost it. You could still hear the echoes of his angry voice, the awful things he said, the way he swore you’d never make it. “You’re throwing your future away for a pipe dream,” he’d yelled. “Mark my words, you’ll regret this.” Those words used to haunt you—sometimes they still do. But right now, you can’t deny the faint sense of satisfaction in knowing that you’ve proven him wrong. Sure, things aren’t perfect, but you’re here. You’re on a tour van, opening for a bigger artist, starting to get noticed by her fans. It’s not the dream yet, but it’s closer than it’s ever been.

Climbing onto the van, you spot Jinx already in her usual spot by the window, earbuds dangling around her neck as she scrolls aimlessly on her phone. She glances up when she hears you, a crooked grin forming on her face.

“Did you get her to wake up?” she asks, scrunching her nose in exaggerated disgust. “I tried, but it reeks in there. Smells like whiskey, sweat, and bad decisions.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the small laugh that escapes you. “Yeah, she’s up. Barely. I had to practically shake her awake and threaten to leave her behind. She’s packing now, probably still half-asleep.”

Jinx smirks, leaning back in her seat and tossing her phone onto the cushion beside her. “You’re a braver soul than I am. I gave up after two knocks. You know how Vi gets when she’s hungover—like a grumpy bear. Or a bear with a hangover.”

“She’s not a bear,” you say with a sigh, dropping into the seat across from her. “She’s just… going through it. Though, honestly, I wish she’d just move on already.”

Jinx raises an eyebrow, her expression equal parts amused and frustrated. “You’ve been saying that for weeks. When does ‘going through it’ stop being an excuse? She’s dragging herself—and us—down. It’s not like we’re rolling in free passes for her to waste.”

You glance out the window, watching the early morning light streak across the horizon. She’s not wrong. Vi’s breakup with Caitlyn hadn’t just been hard on her—it had been hard on all of you. The drinking, the fights, the inconsistency... It was becoming impossible to ignore.

“Where’s Ekko?” you ask, changing the subject. “Don’t tell me he’s late too.”

Jinx shrugs lazily. “Oh, he forgot something in his room. He’s probably on his way back already. You know him—‘fashionably late’ and all that.”

As if on cue, the hotel doors swing open, and Ekko steps outside with Archie, your ever-enthusiastic manager, trailing close behind. The two are deep in conversation, their hands gesturing wildly as they talk.

“Oh, you girls are already here! Excellent.” Archie’s voice carries before he even reaches the bus. His short, chubby frame and thick british accent somehow manage to command attention wherever he goes. He’s the reason the band even had a shot, the one who saw potential when no one else did.

“I have exciting news,” Archie announces, his grin stretching ear to ear as he climbs aboard. Then, his expression falters. “But… where is Miss Violet? Don’t tell me she’s late again.”

“She’s packing,” you answer, sitting up straighter. “She’ll be out any minute.”

Archie narrows his eyes, clearly unimpressed. “Packing? At this hour? I gave everyone strict instructions to be ready by now.”

“She had a rough night,” you offer, though you feel like a broken record at this point. How many times have you covered for her?

“A rough night?” Archie throws his hands up dramatically. “She’s had a ‘rough night’ every night for the past month! If she’s not careful, she’ll burn herself out before we even get close to making it big.”

You exchange a glance with Jinx, who shrugs as if to say, He’s not wrong.

At that moment, the can door opens again, and Vi steps aboard. She looks like she just rolled out of bed—hair tousled, hoodie wrinkled, and sunglasses covering her undoubtedly bloodshot eyes.

“Morning,” she mutters, flopping into a seat without so much as a glance at Archie.

“Morning?” Archie echoes incredulously. “Miss Violet, this is hardly the professionalism I expect from you. We’re opening for one of the biggest acts of the year, and you’re showing up like you’ve just walked out of a frat house!”

Vi groans, tilting her head back against the seat. “Save it, Archie. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Archie pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath before shaking it off. “Fine. I’ll save my lecture for later because—believe it or not—we’ve got good news. Big news.”

Everyone perks up at that, even Vi, though she does so begrudgingly.

“What kind of news?” you ask, leaning forward with curiosity.

Archie’s grin widens as he claps his hands together. “You’re being added to three more tour dates! One of which is in LA. And, if you can manage to pull yourselves together, there might even be offers for an single on the table.”

The van erupts into excited chatter, a buzz of energy filling the space. Jinx punches the air, Ekko grins from ear to ear, and even you feel a rush of exhilaration. This is what you’ve all been working for—an actual shot at something bigger.

Even Vi, slouched in her seat with her sunglasses still on, cracks a small smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it’s there. Maybe this could be the spark she needed—the moment she finally stopped wallowing and started using all that anger and hurt for something productive.

“Quiet down, please,” Archie calls out, waving his hands to settle everyone. “I know you’re all excited, and you should be. But this will only be possible if you show your absolute best in the upcoming concerts. No more sloppiness, no more excuses. This is your chance to prove you’re ready for the big leagues.”

His words hang heavy in the air, a stark reminder of the stakes. The excitement dims just slightly, replaced by determination.

“So,” Archie continues, checking his watch, “settle down, get your heads in the game, and prepare to give it everything you’ve got. We’ll be leaving in a couple of minutes.”

Jinx leans over your seat, her voice low but tinged with excitement. “Three more shows, an album, and LA? Think we’ll survive?”

You chuckle softly, glancing at Vi, who’s staring out the window now, her expression unreadable. “We’ll survive,” you reply. “The question is whether we’ll thrive.”

Jinx snorts. “Speak for yourself. I was born to thrive.”

Despite everything, you feel a flicker of hope. This was it—the break you’d been waiting for. Now all you had to do was rise to the occasion.

──────────────────────

masterlist - chapter two

notes: i love making vi suffer 😔 it’s a character flaw im sorry

[lvnleah]

figuring it out | beth mead.

this is a fic about a personal experience so please be kind with it <33

You’d always been the kind of person who jumped headfirst into relationships, never spending much time between them. Friends and family joked about how you were “boy-obsessed,” but it never bothered you much. It was just who you were—or at least, who you thought you were.

When you signed for Arsenal, your world expanded in ways you hadn’t expected. The team was welcoming, and you quickly found yourself surrounded by incredible women who shared your passion for football. Among them was Beth.

Beth was funny and unapologetically herself. She was one of the first people to make you feel at home in the squad. You clicked immediately, forming an easy friendship that quickly became close.

Beth being openly gay wasn’t a big deal to you. You had plenty of gay friends and teammates throughout your career, and it never crossed your mind to think about it any deeper.

At least, not until Beth.

The first time you realized something had shifted, it caught you completely off guard. You were at training, and the two of you paired up for drills. Beth cracked some ridiculous joke that had you doubled over laughing, and when you looked up, her grin was bright and carefree. Your stomach flipped.

“That bad, huh?” she teased, misinterpreting your reaction.

You shook your head, forcing a smile. “No, you’re just—” You stopped short, unsure how to finish the sentence. Funny? Beautiful? Both felt dangerously true.

Beth tilted her head, a playful glint in her eye. “I’m just…?”

“Annoying,” you shot back quickly, hoping your voice didn’t betray the chaos in your chest.

“Right,” she said with a mock glare, tossing the ball to you. “Let’s see if you’re still laughing when I beat you in this drill.”

That’s weird, you thought, brushing it off. It’s just because she’s so funny you tried to convince.

But the feelings didn’t stop. They crept in at unexpected moments—during team dinners, when she sat next to you, her leg brushing yours under the table; during training, when she scored a brilliant goal and turned to you with that mischievous glint in her eye.

You told yourself it was admiration, nothing more. You admired her skill, her confidence, and the way she seemed to make everyone around her feel at ease. It didn’t mean anything.

One evening, after a particularly gruelling match, the team gathered at a local pub to unwind. You found yourself sitting beside Beth, her shoulder pressing lightly against yours. She was in the middle of recounting some story, her hands animated as she spoke.

“And then Leah completely wiped out!” Beth laughed, her eyes crinkling in the corners.

You laughed too, though you hadn’t really been listening. You were too focused on the way her lips curved, the way her laughter seemed to fill the room.

“You okay?” she asked suddenly, catching you staring.

“Yeah,” you said quickly, looking away. “Just tired.”

Beth narrowed her eyes but didn’t push further, though you could tell she didn’t believe you.

Then came the away trip.

You and Beth shared a hotel room, and the evening was perfect in its simplicity. You ordered room service and watched a cheesy rom-com together, laughing at the over-the-top plot twists.

“That is the most unrealistic kiss I’ve ever seen,” Beth said, throwing a piece of popcorn at the screen.

“You think you could do better?” you challenged, raising an eyebrow.

Beth smirked, leaning back against the headboard. “Oh, absolutely. I’d nail it.”

Your stomach flipped again, and you quickly turned your attention back to the movie.

At some point, she fell asleep, her head resting on your shoulder. You didn’t move. You couldn’t. Her steady breaths and the warmth of her so close to you felt oddly intimate. And for the first time, you wondered if maybe—just maybe—you weren’t as straight as you’d always believed.

The realization terrified you. It kept you up all night.

You were twenty-five, surely you’d have realised you’d liked women before now?

The next day, you avoided Beth. Your usual easy banter felt strained, and when she asked if you were okay, you brushed her off with a weak excuse about being tired. But Beth wasn’t believing it.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” she asked during training, pulling you aside.

“Nothing's wrong,” you said, avoiding her gaze.

Beth sighed, her expression sceptical. “You’re acting weird. Did I do something?”

“No,” you said quickly, feeling guilty for making her think that. “No…It’s not you. I’m just…dealing with some stuff.”

“Okay,” she said after a moment, her voice softer. “But you know I’m here if you need to talk, right?”

You nodded, but the lump in your throat made it impossible to say anything more.

Back in London, you put distance between yourself and her. You threw yourself into training and found reasons to skip team outings. But Beth wasn’t one to be ignored.

She showed up at your apartment one evening with a bag from your favourite Chinese takeaway.

“You’ve been weird lately,” she said bluntly, settling onto your couch like she belonged there. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied, grabbing the food and avoiding her eyes.

“Right,” Beth said, drawing the word out. “So, it’s just a coincidence that you’ve been avoiding me for weeks?”

You hesitated, the weight of her gaze making it impossible to keep up the charade. “It’s complicated,” you finally admitted.

Beth sighed. “I’m not going anywhere, you know. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

Her words made your chest ache, and for a moment, you considered telling her everything. But the fear of losing her made you keep your mouth shut and just told her it had to do with an argument with your mum.

It all came to a head during a team night out.

The pub was crowded, and the drinks were flowing freely. You felt yourself relaxed for the first time in weeks—until you caught yourself staring at Beth. She was mid-conversation, laughing at something Leah said, and you couldn’t look away.

She noticed.

Her eyes met yours, and she raised an eyebrow, her lips quirking into a knowing smile. Embarrassed, you excused yourself and stepped outside, the cool night air doing little to calm your racing heart.

You heard the door open behind you, and a moment later, Beth was there.

“You’ve been acting so strange around me,” she said, her voice laced with concern. “What’s going on?”

The alcohol made you bolder than usual. You took a deep breath, the words spilling out before you could second-guess them.

“I-I like you, Beth. And it’s terrifying because I’ve never felt this way about a girl before.”

Beth’s eyes widened, and for a moment, you were sure you’d ruined everything. But then she stepped closer, her expression softening.

“It’s not so terrifying once you let yourself feel it,” she said quietly.

Beth’s words hung in the air, her voice steady yet filled with something deeper—something understanding. She didn’t look surprised or awkward. If anything, her expression softened further, like she knew exactly what you were feeling.

“It’s okay to be scared,” she continued, stepping closer. “I’ve been where you are.”

“You have?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded, her gaze steady. “A few years ago, before I came out. I was terrified of what it all meant—of how it would change things with the people I cared about. But the hardest part wasn’t figuring it out. It was not letting me feel it. I wasted so much time convincing myself it was easier to just…pretend.”

Her words hit you like a wave, a strange mix of comfort and fear swirling in your chest. You looked down, unable to hold her gaze. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Beth reached out, her hand brushing against yours. “You already have. Telling me? That’s the hardest part.”

You let out a shaky laugh, still staring at the ground. “I thought the hardest part was figuring it out.”

“That’s hard too,” she admitted, squeezing your hand gently. “But you don’t have to do it alone. And you don’t have to have all the answers right now.”

You hesitated, the weight of your emotions making it hard to breathe. But when you looked up, Beth was still there—calm, patient, and unshaken.

“Did it take you a long time?” you asked, your voice quiet.

She nodded again, her smile tinged with understanding. “Longer than I’d like to admit. But once I stopped fighting it, once I let myself feel what I was feeling…it got easier. And it was worth it.”

“Worth it?” you repeated, your voice cracking slightly.

Beth’s smile widened, a little teasing now. “You’re worth it.”

You blinked, your heart pounding in your chest. For a moment, you didn’t know what to say, but Beth didn’t seem to need you to.

“Come on,” she said, tugging your hand gently. “Let’s go back inside before Leah starts a bet about why we’re out here.”

You laughed despite yourself, her words easing some of the tension. “Leah would absolutely do that.”

“Exactly,” Beth said with a grin. “And she’s terrible at keeping secrets, so we’d have the whole team asking questions by tomorrow.”

She started to pull you toward the door, but you hesitated, your hand tightening around hers. “Beth?”

She stopped, turning back to you.

“I don’t know where this is going,” you admitted, your voice wavering. “But I know I don’t want to lose you.”

Her expression softened, her fingers lacing through yours. “You’re not going to lose me. Whatever this is, whatever it becomes—I’m here.”

Her words wrapped around you like a blanket, warm and reassuring. For the first time in weeks, the knot in your chest loosened.

“Okay,” you said softly.

Beth smiled, her grip on your hand firm but comforting. “Okay.”

With that, she led you back inside, her presence steady beside you. The noise of the pub seemed distant now, the weight of your fear lifting just enough for you to feel something else—something new. Something that felt like hope.

You started spending more time together, your bond deepening as your relationship evolved from friendship to something more. For the first time in your life, you weren’t rushing into love. Instead, you were savouring every moment with Beth, learning what it meant to truly fall for someone—not because you’re afraid of being alone, but because they make your world brighter.

It was subtle at first, the way things changed. You found yourselves lingering a little longer after team dinners, sharing small moments that felt big. There was the touch of her hand on your arm as she joked with you, the way she caught your eye during training, a shared glance that meant more than words could say. Slowly, you became more comfortable with the new dynamic between you. The fear, once overwhelming, now felt like something you could navigate together.

One night, after a quiet dinner at your apartment, the evening wound down with the two of you sprawled on your couch, the flicker of a movie casting soft light across the room. There was something different in the air—an unspoken tension that neither of you could ignore.

Beth looked at you, her eyes soft, a little vulnerable. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said quietly, her voice almost a whisper. The simplicity of it struck you, the way she didn’t need to say anything more but you felt the weight of her words.

You met her gaze, your heart pounding a little faster than usual. “Me too,” you replied, your voice matching the softness of hers. There was no rush, no pressure. Everything felt easy, and yet, there was a part of you that knew something was about to shift.

And then, without another word, you leant in. The kiss was at first, tentative, as if both of you were testing the waters. But the moment your lips met, something inside you clicked. It was warm and tender, an undeniable pull between the two of you that neither of you could deny. Her hand moved to your cheek, the touch gentle as she deepened the kiss. The world outside your apartment faded, and for a moment, it was just the two of you, everything else irrelevant.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and a little dizzy, Beth’s eyes locked on yours, a question lingering in them. “Are you sure?” she asked softly, her thumb brushing over your lips.

You nodded, the uncertainty gone as you stood up and pulled her off of the sofa. “Yeah. I’m sure.” You smirked as you pulled her to your bedroom.

The next morning, you woke up in Beth’s arms, the warmth of her body pressed against yours. For a moment, you didn’t move, just savouring the quiet, the intimacy of the moment. Your fingers traced absentmindedly over her skin, and when she stirred, her sleepy smile was the most contented thing you’ve ever seen.

“Morning,” she murmured, her voice husky with sleep.

“Good morning,” you replied, your heart full in a way it’s never been before.

You shared a quiet breakfast, talking about everything and nothing, your laughter filled the space between you. The ease of it all makes you realize just how much it felt like home.

Later, when you both got up to go to the kitchen, Beth brushed her hand across your lower back, her touch lingering for just a moment longer than necessary. The simple gesture sent warmth flooding through you, a reminder that this is real, that she’s real.

Beth turned to you as if reading your mind, a soft smile playing on her lips. “I don’t know where this goes,” she said, her voice serious but kind. “But I know I want to be here. With you.”

You looked at her, your heart swelling with emotion. “Me too,” you answer, feeling a contentment you never thought you’d experience. “Wherever it goes, I’m with you.”

A few months passed, and everything between you and Beth felt natural now—like breathing. You’d spent so much time together, both on and off the pitch, that it was impossible to remember what it was like before you met her. The bond you shared was undeniable, and to your surprise, the fear you once had about being vulnerable with her had completely faded. Beth had become your home in a way no one else ever had.

You’d kept things private for a while, just the two of you, figuring things out at your own pace. The other girls on the team had noticed the subtle changes—the way you were always paired up together, the way your smiles lingered a little longer when Beth was around. But no one had said anything, and you were thankful for that. For now, it was yours to hold onto.

But all good things, you knew, couldn’t stay hidden forever.

It started innocently enough—just a casual team dinner after a long week of matches. Everyone was laughing, chatting about their plans for the weekend, and you and Beth were sitting side by side, as usual. But that night, there was a different energy in the air, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on why. Your teammates were more observant than you thought, picking up on every little glance you shared, every laugh that was just a bit too intimate.

Leah leaned in with a teasing grin. “So, you two gonna tell us what’s going on, or are we gonna keep pretending?” she’d said, her eyes flicking between you and Beth.

Beth froze for just a second, but then she laughed, a low sound that eased the tension. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she’d said, glancing at you. But her smile was too knowing, too soft.

Steph, who’d been sitting across the table, raised an eyebrow. “Come on, seriously,” she’d said, the corner of her mouth twitching into a grin. “It’s obvious. You two are practically inseparable.”

You felt heat rise in your cheeks, your heart pounding in your chest. You glanced at Beth, who was looking at you now with that same playful glint in her eye. There was no hiding it any longer.

“We’re not hiding anything,” you’d said, your voice a little too defensive for your liking. “We’re just…” You’d trailed off, unsure how to put it into words. But then Beth leaned forward, her hand brushing against yours under the table, and the simple gesture made everything click into place.

“We’re together,” she’d said simply, her eyes meeting yours with an unspoken promise. “Been for a while now.”

The room had fallen silent for a second, and then the teasing had started in full force. Leah was the first to break the quiet, a grin spreading across her face. “Well, about time! We all knew it,” she’d said, nudging you with her elbow. “You two are way too obvious to keep it a secret.”

You’d laughed, the tension in your shoulders easing as your teammates bombarded you with questions and congratulations. The teasing had been light-hearted, the kind of playful banter you’d come to love. But underneath it all, there’d been a sense of acceptance, of warmth. No one had judged, no one had been uncomfortable. They’d just been happy for you.

As the evening had wound down and the group had begun to disperse, you and Beth had ended up walking out together. The night air had been cool, and the city had been alive around you, but it had felt like it was just the two of you in the world.

“You okay?” Beth had asked, her hand brushing against yours as you walked side by side. Her voice had been soft, her usual teasing tone replaced with something more serious.

“Yeah,” you’d replied, glancing at her with a smile. “I’m okay. Actually, I’m better than okay.”

She’d grinned, a familiar twinkle in her eyes. “Good, because I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a while now,” she’d said, her voice taking on a nervous edge you’d never heard before.

You’d stopped walking, turning to face her, the unease in her voice immediately catching your attention. “What is it?”

Beth had looked at you for a moment, her eyes searching yours as if trying to find the right words. Then, with a deep breath, she’d said, “Will you be my girlfriend?” The question had been simple, but it had felt monumental in the quiet of the night. “I know we’ve been taking our time, and I want to make sure you’re ready, but I don’t want to wait any longer to ask you. Because I—” She’d cut herself off, looking down at the ground briefly before looking back up at you. “I really want you to be mine.”

Your heart had swelled at her words, the honesty in her voice taking you by surprise. You’d always known how much she cared about you, but hearing her say it—really say it—had made your chest tighten with something new, something beautiful.

You’d taken her hand in yours, squeezing it gently. “Yes,” you’d said without hesitation. “Yes, I want to be your girlfriend.”

Beth’s face had lit up, a huge smile spreading across her face. “Really?”

You’d laughed, nodding. “Really.”

Beth’s smile softened, and her hand gently cupped your cheek, her thumb brushing over your skin as if she was memorizing the feeling of you. The moment hung between you, full of promise and warmth, and without thinking, you stepped closer to her. The city sounds faded away, leaving just the two of you in the quiet night.

Beth leaned in, her eyes flicking to your lips, and then back up to meet your gaze. You held your breath, the anticipation building between you, and in that second, everything seemed to fall into place.

With a smile that made your heart skip, Beth closed the distance, her lips pressing softly against yours. It was gentle at first as if testing the waters, but then it deepened, as if the world had finally caught up to what you both knew was inevitable.

When you finally pulled back, breathless and smiling and just like that, you knew you were exactly where you were meant to be—together.

[facesittingnightmares]

Coach Gatlin: Tryouts season

You were sat on the bench in the scorching heat, sun almost blinding as you were watching the first third of the new tryouts compete on the field, desperate to earn a spot on this year's famously competitive Shatterstone College football team. You thought it was just like any other tryouts, except more competitive. Unfortunately, you were wrong. "That's time!!" Roared the respected coach, Gerard Gatlin, known to have the most impressive team lineups in college history. He was 35 but had the build of a athletic 20 year old with a nice beard and mature demeanor. The first group of tryouts came off the pitch out of breath and sweaty. It was all normal until you saw Coach Gatlin pull two players over to him as the second group rushed onto the field.

"Okay so you two were tied for scoring but I can only take one of you. Are either of you willing to kiss my ass for the spot?" As soon as the question was prompted, the left player said 'yes sir,' not even giving time to think it was a joke. "Looks like we have the winner. Better luck next time!" Coach laughs as he signals for the other player to leave. "Sorry to disappoint, but you won't be kissing my ass, just sniffing it. More specifically, sniffing my farts for a bit as I assess the second group." The player, clearly built and looking like a stereotypical alpha male, knelt down and pushed his face into the tight blue shorts of the coach without hesitation as he had dreamed of getting on the team for years.

"Good man! You clearly know that being the best takes sacrifice and commitment. Since you are essentially part of the team now, I should tell you my nickname among the lads, or more specifically, the nickname of my ass that carries out the punishments, The Gatlin Gun" Coach laughs as he lets out a fart onto the players face. You see a slight flinch but nothing too reactive. The smell blows over to you, and you gag immediately from the rotten scent. Then, another fart rips, and again, the player has a slight flinching response. You couldn't believe that the other player was taking these head on. Before the smell could reach you, another blast erupts, then another, and another. It seemed like Coach Gatlin was a full auto fart blaster. You gagged as the smell of each and every fart was carried by the wind. "Sorry for the smell! But if you plan on joining the team, you will experience it a lot!" The older man simply laughed as the quick lighting fast rips of toxic methane continued. You had no idea how the player was still alive. Sure, more powerful farts had been ripped by other men, but the Gatlin Gun name was accurate as the incredible speed of farts is what made Coach Gatlins ass deadly. Finally, the defeated football player fell backward unconscious as he had just been blasted by at least 100 farts within a few minutes.

Then came the offer of a lifetime. "You've just seen and smelt what I can do to a face, so how about I offer you something worthwhile. You get over here and take the rest of my Gatlin Guns rounds, and you're on the team, no questions asked!" The smirk of the man showed his love for dominance as the smell of a few silent farts made your stomach turn even from range, making your mind race at the thought of what to do.

[d1sc0rd1a]

ok this was originally in the tags but in the spirit of the post im coming out of hiding to share my view.

i was always the kid with the best hiding spot and no one could ever find me. theres a joy and a pride in it. its one of the things i liked most about myself as a kid. i really really tried to understand this post, because differing viewpoints are important to try to internalize. and to some degree i think i get it. i was/am constantly kinda lonely. i was/am constantly kinda guarded about how im perceived. i am vague. sometimes i lie. but i cant really wrap my head around most of this post. i dont truly grok it.

why do people get upset? everyone does it. thats how it works. everyone hides in both these games and in life. the fun comes in the searching. the joy comes in the accomplishment of successfully reaching out. when you pick a ridiculous spot to be found in youre setting up the punchline to a joke. whoever finds you gets to tell the story. even if someone is never found theres still a connection. Hiding and Seeking. theyre two sides of the same experience being shared. when the game is over the hider and the seeker both get to share what their part of the game was like. a bond is made. reinforced. to stop the search early is to break the bond. in a way its a rejection. it shows how little you care. i was the best seeker too, and i never got/dont get why nobody else ever tried.

sardines was fun too. its a good game, i really did like it. but i always pitied the person who found the group last. how sad to be so disconnected. to have your gameplay experience be fully isolated from the group. as soon as you successfully reach out the game is over. unless the final seeker is a pair of two or the single person is doing something ridiculous theres no punchline. the joke falls flat. there is suddenly no more story to tell. everybody was having fun without them and the fun ends when they show up. if somebody was consistently the last one to find the group of sardines it seemed almost like a sign they were the least in sync with the group. that everyone understood each other better than they did. how awful.

Goddamn. Okay

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Listen I dont write for Thanos but:

Thanos its a nerd.

Thanos x Nerd!Reader

No one really makes the connection. Well at least not seriously.

No one knows of the dusty comics he has at his aparment. Or the many hours he passed on forums detabing with other fans about his obsession with villains and super heros.

Its sad really. Sometimes he feels alone since his persona does not give out the nerd vibe, so he has no one to talk to about it.

"More green and we would look like Hulk"

Excusme, go back. Because what did he just hear ?

He sees you for the first time, pulling at your track suit as you talk with other players.

No, he most have hear bad...

"Wait you read comics?" "Yes, got a problem with that?"

Cross him in love because holy fuck a fellow nerd who is ready to throw punches ?

"So...Marvel right?" He casually asks as he steps away from his team while the second game starts.

"Of course. And Team Captain America"

"Marry me"

"What?"

Its safe to say you two becomes best Friends over your shared love for comics. Nights are passed by you two discussing about characters and theories and even thinking on the next volume or the last one you two did read.

"Sorry but Doctor Strange is stronger"

"No you are totally wrong"

"I will kill you next game for that"

"...pls punch me"

Migle game when the number went to 2 he was taking you with him. And what did you two did ? Do a debate on which character would win these Deadly games.

Honestly the guards that listen to you two believes you are nuts.

Does he wants you as a romantic partner?

HELL YES !!

He is not subtle at all during the games. Honestly everybody knows he has a big crush on him, only getting worse when you do a reference to one comic.

Some are so tired of you two.

When he returns from the bathrooms are bloody and with a sad face.

Oh! He sees his Angel there, ready to help him with his injuries.

"You are not worth on being on Captain's side"

Ok that did hurt more than the dam fucking stab with the fork.

"Thanks I love you too" He says joking.

"Yeah yeah, now stop moving so I can clean you up"

[cyberhughes]

— 𝓣𝓸𝓸 𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ quinn hughes

🌊 chapter: feeling scandalous

last chapter | next chapter

*:･✧* 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: quinn hughes x fem!oc

*:･✧* 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: swearing, luke and jack are flirty but it’s all platonic, suggestive content(nothing too spicy yet🌚)

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮: hey guys omfg…i’m so sorry this took so long I’ve been so busy😭😭uni is stressing me out so bad beyond belief but we ball!! this chapter is so shit cause lowkey its a filler just to build up more tension before we start getting *actually* juicy. this was also lowkey not rlly proofread LMAO. ALSO ALSO ALSO… we are almost at 200 followers?? wtf?? i didn’t even realize i had hit 100 im sorry i love you all so much and i appreciate all the love and support you’ve given me <3 perhaps i will plan a little surprise for you all later 😛

series masterlist + character intros

“WAKEY WAKEY!” the curtains were ripped open by jack, causing luke and aurora to shield themselves under the covers from the abrupt sunlight.

“what the fuck! close it!” luke complained, snuggling himself further into the warmth of the bedsheets. meanwhile, jack tiptoed to the foot of their bed, before mischievously yanking their blankets of off them.

“up and at em, let’s not waste a good boat day!” he stood there proudly, hands on his hips with a shit eating grin plastered across his face, not caring that he had just ruined their chance of a peaceful morning.

“later.” luke groaned, moving to pull aurora close to him, seeking at least the warmth from her body. “oh my god get off of me, i’m up.” she wiggled herself out of his arms and he whined.

she pushed past jack, him snorting at her hair being messy as well as her shirt hanging off one shoulder. “good morning to you too sleeping beauty.” he laughed—a bit too hard—at his own joke, while she stuck her tongue out at him before continuing her way the the washroom to freshen up.

as she stood there brushing her teeth, she couldn’t help but think back to her interactions with quinn yesterday. he had told her she didn’t do anything wrong, but she knew something was off with him. she knew that everyone else felt the tension too, she just couldn’t figure out why it was there in the first place.

she didn’t want to let this sour her trip, she was here for her brother after all. she’d just have to find a way for quinn to warm up to her again.

she creeped back into her and luke’s shared room, suppressing a laugh when she found him fast asleep again.

from her suitcase, she grabbed a bathing suit—that she didn’t remember packing? she held up the pieces straight, trying to remember when she had bought it. she dug through her luggage some more, looking for the one she knew she packed but it wasn’t anywhere to be seen. she sat back on her heels, puzzled.

then it clicked. she had remembered her best friend from california—kaylee—peeking through her suitcase a few days before they had left for their trip. she let out a groan, making a mental note to scold her friend later.

she examined the fabric once again and placed it against her body.

this wasn’t going to cover anything.

“wow, that’s tiny.” she heard luke mumble from the bed and her eyes widened, face going red.

“go back to sleep, idiot.”

“i look like a prostitute.” aurora said nodding with her lips pressed into a thin line as she rested her phone on the bathroom counter. she was currently on facetime with kaylee, the one who had put her in this situation.

“no, you look hot. you have to let quinn see that you got hot.” kaylee said with a fat grin on her face as she watched her bestfriend adjust and pull at the fabric of the bikini in a failed attempt to get some more coverage.

“it was so awkward yesterday kaylee.” aurora whined and grabbed her phone to position her face in frame. “he barely talked to me, and the one time he did, it felt like he would’ve rather been anywhere else.”

“then don’t let it be awkward the fuck? just, be flirty or something.” kaylee spoke nonchalantly.

“yeah no, i think he still sees me as a kid.”

“so then show him that you’re a hot woman now, i’m really struggling to see the problem here rory. just flash him your tits or something.” aurora’s cheeks went red at her friends words. “oh my god, stop it.” she mumbled as the girl on the other side of the phone cackled.

“i gotta go now, we’re going on the lake in a bit.” she took one last look in the mirror before throwing on her t-shirt and shorts. “okay bye rory. but seriously just flash a ti—“ aurora hung up before she could finish the sentence.

she couldn’t help but think that maybe kaylee was right, not about needing to flash her boobs, but about trying to make quinn see that she wasn’t a kid anymore. maybe it wasn’t the fact that she still had a crush on him, but rather that she felt the need to prove herself. although yes, she did still have a little big crush on him.

she felt slight twinge of guilt as she thought, it was her brother’s wedding weekend and here she was plotting on his best man. it was wrong.

but that’s what made it kind of exciting.

aurora stepped out onto the patio, breathing in the summer air and taking in the view of lake. the view was stunning, the backyard almost fully set up with decorations for the wedding. to put it shortly, it felt magical. in the distance, she saw everyone, asides from the parents who were out golfing, settling onto the boat.

“hurry up slowpoke!” luke cupped his hands around his mouth, yelling out. aurora rolled her eyes, adjusted the strap of her tote bag which was chronically falling down, and headed towards the boat.

“good morning.” she smiled as she passed quinn who was carrying a cooler of drinks. she paused her stride to notice the veins that popped out of his arms, and wow the way his hands looked as he gripped the handle and—

“morning, rory.” he said with a soft smile and she felt her stomach drop like she was on a rollercoaster, did he notice her checking him out?

“did you sleep okay last night?” he didn’t look up as he stepped into the boat, setting the cooler down and then offering his hand out to help her in.

she felt like she was having whiplash, he was acting normal now? she took his hand and stepped in, “yeah it was great. lukey’s a snorer though.” she laughed and he nodded. she had to hide a frown as he let go of her hand.

“are you shit talking me right now?” luke walked over with his arms crossed, looking down at aurora through his sunglasses. “yeah, we’re shit talking you severely, i hate you so much.” she gave a sarcastic smile and scooted past him to greet melissa.

luke scoffed, “pft, she loves me. couldn’t keep her hands off me last night.” he said jokingly as he rested his hands on the back of his head, not noticing how quinn didn’t laugh, only pressing his lips into an awkward smile.

“oh gross, luke.” ashton smacked the top of his head, luke pouting as he fixed his cap.

“that was you who couldn’t keep your hands off!” aurora protested as melissa giggled beside her. she rolled her eyes then turned to fully face her soon to be sister in law. “so, are you starting to get nervous or anything?” aurora questioned and she shrugged.

“i don’t think i’m really that nervous,” she began, flipping her sunglasses up to rest on the top of her head. “am i nervous that it could rain or i could trip and fall walking? yeah of course, but I’ve never once felt nervous about marrying your brother, i actually can’t wait.” she blushed and aurora could feel her heart melting, she admired their relationship so much. it was something about they way they spoke about each other, like it was always meant to be.

“alright guys, we ready to go?” quinn asked and everyone cheered, excited to spend the day in the sun before the chaos of the wedding began.

“COWABUNGA!” jack launched himself off the edge of the boat, earning complaints from the group as he splashed water everywhere.

“idiot…” aurora chuckled as she stared down at her clothes which were now soaked, it was to be expected, they were having a lake day afterall.

she whipped her head at the sound of stomping coming towards her and melissa, to which she found her brother getting a running start to jump in, luke following not far behind.

“wow so much for curling my hair.” melissa joked, stepping out of her sundress and heading over to the side, letting ashton help her down.

“come on you two!” ashton exclaimed from the water, waiting on aurora and quinn.

aurora bit her lip, here goes nothing. she first took off her shorts, throwing them on top her her tote, then peeled off her shirt, revealing the bikini kaylee had planted. it was honestly a really nice bikini, the lack of coverage was where the problem lied.

from behind her, quinn could be seen with his jaw clenched, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he took in the sight. to most, his expression could be mistaken for annoyance or anger, but that wasn’t quite what was happening here.

she looked back over her shoulder, offering quinn a small smile as her cheeks turned a soft pink, “coming, quinn?”

her smile faltered when she noticed his expression. shit- was he mad? maybe he was mad that she was practically naked, after all they weren’t the only group out on the lake. there were other families boating and swimming around.

she snapped out of her thoughts when she heard jack whistle, “damn, looking good rory!” he cackled, before ashton splashed him in the face. “i’m serious you guys, that’s my baby sister, stop being fucking creeps.” he scoffed.

aurora jumped in and lingered under the water, wanting to hide the way her cheeks burned in embarrassment, not from jack’s comment, but rather at the fact that she had upset quinn.

for the rest of the day, they had spent their time swimming around, wakeboarding, munching on the delicious charcuterie board melissa had prepared, and playing some card games. it had been the perfect way for the soon to be married couple to relax before becoming fully preoccupied with their wedding, not forgetting to express their gratitude to quinn every chance they got.

they were now headed back to the house, in time to meet their parents for a nice dinner. aurora had her head rested on luke’s shoulder as she was being lulled to sleep from the soft rocking of the boat, as well as being exhausted from the day’s activities.

after a rather silent but calm ride, they had made it back to the dock, their parents being seen lounging on the patio enjoying a few drinks.

the group had gathered their things and headed towards the house, not noticing the way aurora stalled to gather her things as she watched quinn bustle around.

“you ready to go?” he asked, expression blank as he stood on the dock, reaching his hand out. the sight reminiscent of the interaction they had shared that morning.

she nodded, placing her hand in his, and it seemed to fit perfectly. she stepped over but didn’t notice the small puddle of water on the step and her eyes went wide as she slipped into him, for the second time in the past two days.

she gulped as they stood chest to chest, her hands rested on his shoulders as his own resting on her arms to stabilize her. she didn’t pull away, instead looking up at him with her mouth slightly agape in shock. her heart thumped in her chest and she was sure he could feel it as she gazed into his eyes, being met with that unrecognizable look she had seen yesterday.

he stared into her eyes, also at a loss for words. his eyes flickered down at the contact between them, the way her chest had been pressed onto him for longer than it should have. abruptly he let go of her arms, letting her stand on her own.

“quinn, i’m sorry-“

“you’re good.” he mumbled before grabbing his things and practically booking it away and back to the house.

she ran her hands through her hair. great, not only did she embarrass him in front of everyone with her bikini, but now she had fallen onto him a second time.

way to seduce him, aurora.

the soft breeze blowing through bedroom curtains was all that could be heard throughout the night, before it was abruptly interrupted by knocking on wood. quinn’s eyes slowly peeled open when he heard the noise at his door. he peeked over at his phone that rested on his bedside table.

2:17 am.

the knocking continued and he sighed, getting up from the warmth of his bed and shuffling over to open the door. assuming it was one of his brothers, he immediately let out a sharp “what do you want?”

but to his surprise, it was aurora standing on the other side of his door.

“‘m sorry.” she whispered softly and he shook his head “no, i thought you were jack or luke. what’s up?” he gazed down at her and his eyebrows furrowed. why the hell she still wearing her bikini?

“couldn’t sleep.” she stepped into his room, closing the door behind her, leaning back on it as she look up at him with hooded eyes. his eyes widened as he stood frozen, watching her begin to creep toward him like a cat getting ready to pounce on a mouse.

“can you help me sleep, quinny?” she whispered, rising onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck.

his breath hitched when he felt her lips graze against his ear. “need you to help me, quinny.”

he felt chills run down his spine, what the fuck was happening? this was so wrong. he should have told her to back off, he shouldn’t have let her get that close, but god the way her cold fingers felt as she grazed them back down his shoulders, down to his chest, stomach, the waistband of his shorts—

“WAKE UP, QUINTIN! WE HAVE A LOT TO DO!” ashton’s voice boomed on the other side of his door as he shot up, hairline slightly drenched with sweat, breathing heavy as he looked around his room. he ran a hand over his face and groaned before peeking down at the tent in his shorts.

no fucking way.

[natequarter]

[#this is actually something i've been thinking about! #ever since i rewatched avenue q recently #here's the thing: teenagers are edgy. inherently #they want to offend their parents #they want to make jokes about dark topics #they want to push boundaries and rebel #it's a pretty important part of their development #when i was a teenager a bit over a decade ago there were plenty of outlets for that #that weren't right-wing #dunking on creationists was my particular poison at the time because i lived in a very religious town and also because i liked to feel smart #tim minchin's probably my best example of a guy who is definitely not right wing and is deliberately offensive. and i loved his stuff! #still do #but i feel like left-wing comedy these days has a real focus on being wholesome and inoffensive #and i do think that's going to alienate teenagers #who want nothing more than to offend nosy adults and also possibly the bullies at their school #what i mean is. we don't just need good wholesome fun #sometimes it is important to be edgy and rude and perhaps a little condescending #and if we don't provide that kind of outlet for kids. the alt right will. #at the very least we should be able to get plenty of edgelord mileage out of deliberately offending conservatives]

I increasingly think publications like Cracked and Mad Magazine served a load bearing cultural purpose keeping young straight guys from developing extreme reactionary opinions.

[oh-no-its-bird]

You are making me EMOTIONAL thinking about baby kakashi losing his teeth and not having his dad around to ask about things now, not even specifically for fang reasons either 😭😭

I think I was late and lost my first took when I was almost seven and idk exactly when Sakumo died officially but. Idk. Something something the tragedy of potentially not even having a parent around to explain what is going on when you lose a tooth for the first time

I'm so glad u sent this actually bc I was thinking ab wanting to write a post ab this premise but wasn't sure how to phrase or start it

Kid Kakashi struggling through starting to lose his baby teeth after his father dies <33

Google tells me that children start losing their baby teeth around 6, and the general age I've seen for Kakashi when Sakumo kills himself is usually around that same number, so, it works out!!

You bring up such a good and fun point actually in just. Does Kakashi know what's happening to him? Has anyone explained to him that your teeth just naturally fall out when you're little?

One day, Kakashi goes to class and sees Obito, who's a few years older than him, bragging about how he "just lost my tooth the other day"

And Kakashi quietly goes to himself, "wow this guy is so bad at fighting, he got his tooth knocked out and he's happy about it. What a weirdo."

Obito is IGNORING the judgmental stares coming from Kakashi's direction, assuming Kakashi is just jealous of his super cool milestone of growing up

Thinking maybe Obito even comes over to try to brag about it, but Kakashi just goes "??? Why are you bragging about losing your teeth ??? God, you're such a freak"

And Obito is like, "I know ur just jealous BAKASHI. Because you are still a BABY while I am on my way to being a MAN"

And inside Kakashi, still deeply confused and weirded out, is like, 'why the fuck would I be jealous' but outloud he just glares and goes, "I've never lost any of my teeth because I never lose."

To which Obito loses his mind because he's like 9 and to a 9 year old that sounded kind of sick and how DARE Kakashi try and be cool about this

(In the background, Minato is well on his way to losing his mind trying not to laugh. Rin meanwhile is squinting and doing mental math as she tries to tell if Kakashi is joking or not)

But anyways like. Kakashi later losing his own teeth and freaking the fuck out about it. Is he sick? Is he dying? Should he go to the doctor?

Oh my god wait ok but Kakashi cornering Rin after a training session and demands she help diagnose him bc he doesn't want to go to the actual doctor or ask Sensei for help. And Kakashi admitting she's a "good med nin" and Rin is kinda going omg Kakashi conpliment,,,, life goals,,

But also like Kakashi thinks he's dying and she's SUPER flattered he thinks she can help but she's like. 10. And a med nin in training.

So she's kind of sweating like "omg what are ur symptoms, why do u think ur dying?"

And Kakashi is like my "fucking teeth are falling out !!!!!!"

And Rin is like "woah that sounds super scary and seriou— Hold on a second."

Kakashi goes as far as to take off his mask to show her, which goes to show how desperate he is rn because he'd usually never do that.

And Rin is torn between being tempted to pinch his cheek and pull at it like it's Mochi and also like. She's struggling SO hard not to laugh at this point because she knows if she does Kakashi will literally never forgive her

So Rin has to break it to Kakashi as gently as she can (and without laughing or cooing at his cute kid naivety) that don't worry, you aren't dying, this is normal

Kakashi doesn't believe her at first. But when he does he's suddenly overwhelmed by embarrassment. He will never recover. Hes so fucking glad he didn't actually go to the doctor or to sensei because at least Rin he can swear to secrecy FOREVER

Kakashi has to deal with his suddenly too big for his mouth adult fangs and keeps going to Rin to help heal the cuts they keep leaving on his lips ,,,,

Somehow Obito catches wind of this, and hears "Rin + helping with Kakashi's lips (???)" And thinks they're kissing and loses his goddamn mind in spectacular fashion.

Toddler drama....

Idk where Im really going with this, it ended up taking a life of its own

Uhhh anyways. Moving this conversation entirely:

You can copy pasted this exact concept onto Naruto for a really funny (and kind of awful) au where Naruto loses his first tooth and becomes convinced he's dying

He does actually try to go to the hospital but they try to turn him away, but when he blurts out that he's scared he's dying a particularly mean spirited doctor pretends to examine him then goes "oh no. You really are dying and have a week to live. Boohoo."

Naruto loses his fucking mind and makes a "things I want to do before I die" bucket list and then spends the next week desperatley trying to complete it bc hes convinced he's gonna die on the final day

This list includes but is not limited to:

- become Hokage

- start a family

- eat every single different kind of ramen on Ichiraku's menu

Idk how to make the first and third especially funny but like.

"Starting a family" ending up somehow leading to Naruto very aggressively trying to get literally anyone to hold his hand in a similar fashion to "Uchiha Sasuke's 10 step plan to get revenge" where Sasuke tries to get Shikamaru to marry him in his quest to "live a good life" to get revenge on Itachi, while Naruto hears Sasuke is looking for a husband and very loudly tries to get him to pick him instead

Which is actually a really fucking funny one on its own and now I'm just thinking about that instead, so I'll leave this post here

I got a little distracted, but. Thank you for ur ask !!!

[parker-artio]

The idea of Steph being a med student cracks me up. Because this girl stays up all night beating people up, gets maybe two hours of sleep before she’s getting up for her 7am class on human anatomy.

She starts working in Gotham’s City’s ER as a volunteer student so she doesn’t have to take an extra class and can just take the test at the end of the year for the credit. One day she shows up and sees her patient is a thug she bullied last night while kicking his ass.

She might never show her face in his room again.

When she barely passes a test with a C- she wants to cry when Alfred asks how her test went, but Alfred reassures her, saying it’s good, and that she still passed. But Bruce always catches a stray or two when her major gets brought up. No way he wouldn’t.

Alfred: Congratulations Miss Stephanie, it might only be a C but it is still passing!

Steph: Thanks alfred but I feel like I could be doing better

Alfred: At least you’re sure you want to be a doctor. You haven’t dropped out and you’re passing your classes. That’s what matters.

Bruce at Wayne Enterprises in the middle of a board meeting, feeling a chill go down his spine: something just happened…

Plus there’s the added joke of her being called dumb, lazy, ect from Damian (he insults her so much I can’t remember them all rn)

Damian: What’s that Brown? Can’t shake your head in fear your brain will rattle around in there?

Steph thinking about her biology test tomorrow she got maybe 10 minutes of studying in for since it was announced last month: Shut the fuck up.

Thugs would hate to see her. Like genuinely HATE seeing her during finals season. They don’t know anything about these bats, but they all agree if it’s final season and you see a blonde haired bat in purple- you’re fucked. Run as fast as you can unless you want a concussion and her to ask where all your pain is.

None of the super villains in Gotham ever remember mentioning they have any kind of health issues, yet somehow she always knows. The purple bat who goes by too many names, just KNOWS.

Riddler about to pull the lever for something dramatic: Well you failed to answer my riddle so-

Steph cutting him off: Your skeleton

Riddler: wrong it’s-

Steph cutting him off yet again with a heavy sigh: Listen Nigma, you have to calm down for once. Your blood pressure hates you, slow down on the salty and fatty foods. Do you smoke? Because if you do, slow down on that too. Or just quit. And the actual answer is bare-bones. But synonyms of the answer should work too.

Riddler who’s doctor told him he was at risk for high blood pressure but ignored it: I- no… I don’t smoke.

Steph: …

Riddler: I quit years ago!

Plus she’d totally access Alfred’s medical records to learn little things about the others to annoy them with. She’d be elbow deep and learn that Dick’s left ankle was injured at 12 and is prone to injuries because it never proper medical attention because he avoided Alfred when he first got hurt.

She’d bring it up in conversation too.

Steph, after Dick pisses her off and she’s walking away: What your step, Boy Wonder, it’d be a shame if your left ankle got broke because of its fragility…

Dick unsure where she learned that: …what

The whole concept of her as a med student makes me laugh and I wish more people looked at it and thought about the humor and jokes that can go with her being one.

It’s peak comedy to me, I need more fics of her just being a broke college student who’s tired of thugs attacking her when she’s trying to study for her test on patrol. She’s sitting on top of W.E. Reading her anatomy book for her first class at 7:30 while her four other books are underneath. Why she has a test in all of her classes on the same day, she doesn’t know. Will she pass them? Who the fuck knows. But if that bat signal goes off again tonight she might break into the police precinct and give them a piece of her mind.

[mortalityplays]

doing 5 mins at the comedy club open mic and the front two rows chuckle and nod, but then the next tables start loudly discussing the logical flaws in the premise and how they'd have made the punchline topical to [TV show I've never seen]. the friends they came with start picking a fight with the rows that laughed, for making light of [TV show]. someone stands up behind them and starts doing their own bit premised on a misunderstanding of the original routine, and the people around them take turns making an underdeveloped version of my joke back to them. someone on the other side of the room pipes up "hey was the guy on stage being serious?" and a nearby patron sagely informs them that I was, which is evidence that I must be very stupid and pitiable indeed. next night someone performs my tight five in the club next door and the crowd goes wild. lives are changed. they're offered a netflix deal on the spot. I go home and log onto tumblr dot com where at least everyone is normal about comedy.

[earthykinous]

Heck yeah! I gotta make some asshole menaces to spice things up! None of my ocs are saints tho, I'll take the chance to ramble about their flaws.

Token the Golett

He is a good guy most of time, he has a strong sense of justice and I wouldn't be surprised if he gets loved, I mean, I love him, he is my son, my baby. BUT he has a problem, he is way too emotional! He is prone to get so angry to the point to get physical, leading him to pick fights when it's not necessary, in that aspect he is not that different from the next character I'll talk about.

Saribi the Monferno

From the start she is a problematic individual, her flaws aren't hard to list, going from a bad sport to aggressive, you wouldn't be wrong in assuming that she has some inferiority complex and her way to make herself feel strong and better is messing and intimidating those she considers weak and inferior, a cowardly thing to do, also, she tends to take everything personal, that leading her to aggressive responses, if she is not picking fights she is sitting somewhere being a grumpy ass.

Tobo the Impidimp

Another problematic individual, not for aggressive behavior but his shenanigans, it is always nice to have someone to light up the mood but Tobo can go from being a comedic relief to be an absolute jerk, his jokes can go from lighthearted to rude and mean, and he doesn't care, as long as it's fun to him, he doesn't mind to mess with anyone for his own amusement, one moment he can be on your side, the next he'll make sure to cause you a headache. What's wrong with this guy?

Blueskee the Swablu

Just like Saribi, her flaws are easy to spot, she is the pompous and condescending with a superiority complex type, she has a tendency to look down at everyone, and it doesn't help at all that she is actually pretty capable and smart. She is also a hypocrite to a fault, believe me, you don't want her as a friend, unless you go with the "I can fix her" mindset, objectively she is a reliable companion in adventures and she has her moments, but better not to get too involved.

Zia the Blitzle

She can be described as the cheerful type, always laughing and getting amusement with simple things, she would make a nice companion, her problem is that she talks way too much and she hardly listens, also she is too much of an airhead to take things seriously, she is always getting distracted and in consecuence distracting everyone else, her lack of seriousness is a thing that annoys the more responsible folks, she is a good individual to hang out, but she is not the most appropiate to work with or to ask for advices, she just won't listen and downplay stuff.

Kosei the Murkrow

Objectively he is one of the least problematic, he is a reliable folk and makes a good friend, his problem is that he gets too bossy when he senses that someone is not taking the matter seriously as it should be, it would be good if it wasn't that he takes EVERYTHING as a serious matter, he usually maintains his patience but sometimes he can lose it and scold his companions when he is not necessarily in a position to do so, generally a good companion but a bit annoying.

Hanzō the Honedge

He is a tab bit meanier than Kosei, Kosei is all about honestity, but Hanzō is just outright blunt and rude, he doesn't care if whatever he says can be perceived as hurtful, generally he is not the most aproachable type, he has the "the ends justify the means" mindset, althought he is willing to play according to the rules, if he is allowed to sacrifice a fellow he will do it with no hesitation, he has the brains but lacks of a heart.

Geryu the Tirtouga

He and Palith are the very least problematic, but even he has some darkness in him, well, he compared to everyone else may appear harmeless, his flaw is not about being mean or aggressive or apathetic, he can't keep secrets, a total gossip if you will, sooner or later he'll slip it out, anytime, mostly in the worst moments, from little and silly secrets to very personal and dark ones, he can't help himself, as much as he seems to be a clueless and silly guy, his tiny brain can pack up some serious secrets, that's it, until his little brain has no more room and has to take it out.

Palith the Lileep

You may be thinking "But she didn't do anything wrong!", she is the least character you would expect to do something mean, but just like Geryu, she has a flaw, she is very secretive, not out of malice, she never has bad intentions but she is very reluctant to speak her mind or share things even when she has to, she is also very dependent, sometimes leading her to be a liability.

I love making a problematic oc and then people get mad because they're problematic. Buddy someone's gotta make the problems for the story to happen, might as well make the Problem Maker interesting.