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mattnben-bennmatt · 5 months ago

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LET'S TRY IT BEN'S WAY

Vanity Fair (October 1999)

A college dropout, Ben Affleck found sudden fame in 1997 after he and Matt Damon teamed up as writers and stars of Good Will Hunting. But at 27, even as he is offered up to $12 million a movie and acquires the spoils of success—the new house in the Hollywood Hills, the Tribeca loft, the five motorcycles—Affleck remains, indisputably, a guy. EVGENIA PERETZ gets him talking about the "Matt 'n' Ben show," his romance with Gwyneth Paltrow, and his upcoming thriller Reindeer Games, for which he literally knocked himself out

By Evgenia Peretz

To Ben Affleck, nothing is more meditative than a motorcycle. Today he has selected his red Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa, nicknamed "the Blackbird Killer," to take his passenger from Hollywood to the Brentwood branch of Koo Koo Roo, the fast-food chicken chain popular among those on "the Zone Diet." The route he takes? Scenic and maddeningly winding Sunset Boulevardideal terrain, apparently, for Affleck to do what he finds most uplifting: dodge between SUVs and BMWs, barrel up the lanes at 100 miles an hour, and play a hair-raising little game in which he weaves in and out among a line of cones set up in a construction zone. Affleck rides a motorcycle everywhere. He owns five of them, including a Yamaha R6 and a BMW R 1100 S.

"I don't think of it as 'I'm Bike Guy Affleck says over a barbecued-chicken lunch, for which he shelled out the entire $8.50. "I can't stand those guys who talk to you and all they say is 'Gonna put my leathers on and hit the canyons.' I'm not Adrenaline-Junkie Guy. "

He may not be Bike Guy or AdrenalineJunkie Guy, but spend a few minutes with Affleck, who's usually seen around town in baggy army pants, a T-shirt, and a leather jacket, and one thing becomes clear: he sure as hell is a guy. His best friends—and he does have other friends besides Matt Damon—are still his buddies from Cambridge, Massachusetts. They're currently camped out at his new, Mediterranean-style house (undergoing renovation) in the Hollywood Hills. He longs for the time when models looked like Christie Brinkley. He thinks Tom Cruise is a god. He stands behind Hootie. He has been known to forgo sex for video games. (A wall in his Tribeca loft—yes, Affleck is bi-coastal—is lined with old-school arcade favorites, including Ms. Pac-Man and Millipede.) And, these days at least, his favorite words seem to be "chump," "weak," and, especially, "jackass." "Jackass," to Affleck, is the worst of insults. A jackass is what he fears he sounds like in profiles like this one.

Indeed, Affleck might well come across as a jackass were it not for his acute self-awareness (which borders on the neurotic), his willingness to look like a fool, and the fact that he is naturally curious, disarmingly smart, a bit flirtatious, and lampshadeon-his-head funny. It is these very qualities, in fact, that make Affleck irresistible to men and women, and decidedly un-jackassy. These qualities have also made Affleck one of the busiest actors of his generation, a movie star without delusions of grandeur, who has bridged the gap between independent and mainstream films without getting too much grief for it. To wit, the 27-year-old Affleck has, in a little more than two years, kissed a boy in Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy, saved mankind from an oncoming asteroid in Armageddon, stolen scenes in Shakespeare in Love, and, along the way, picked up a best-original-screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting, which he famously co-wrote with Damon.

"He's larger than life and yet people can relate to him," says the producer of Affleck's upcoming thriller Reindeer Games, Bob Weinstein, who thinks Affleck is this generation's version of Harrison Ford and Mel Gibson. Or, as Sandra Bullock, his costar in the recent romantic comedy Forces of Nature, puts it, "He has that lummox quality. He's not afraid to make a fool of himself, but then he'll turn around and kick your ass."

Even the hard-boiled director John Frankenheimer, who cast Affleck in Reindeer Games—a kind of modem take on the Rat Pack heist movie Ocean's 77—melts a bit when talking about Affleck. "He has a very winning, likable quality about him," says Frankenheimer, who immediately thought of Affleck when he first read the script. "I've been doing this for a long time, and I've worked with some of the best and some of the worst. And he's really one of the nicest—really one of the nicest."

To hear Affleck tell it, his success has been sheer luck. "I have a personality that's kind of willing to let myself skate by," he says, "to get B's and not really try." But Reindeer Games, it must be said, provided him with the opportunity to put in a little effort. "I wanted him to like me—I wanted him to think I was good," Affleck says of Frankenheimer, who has directed 34 films, including The Manchurian Candidate, Seven Days in May, and Ronin. "I worked twice as hard just out of fear of having him say, 'You're a sham. You're a fraud.'"

In his role as Rudy Duncan, a down-on-his-luck ex-con who gets pulled into a casino robbery on Christmas Eve, Affleck, for the first time, is on-screen in virtually every scene. For the first time, he gets to engage in some "hard-core-style sex," with co-star Charlize Theron. And—also for the first time—he finds himself on the receiving end of actual physical pain. He gets chased by a vindictive gang of truckers. He falls into freezing water. And, throughout, he has his face pummeled by the trucker-in-charge, played by Gary Sinise.

And so it should come as little surprise that, in the midst of shooting, Affleck experienced his first Grade 3 concussion when, while filming a prison brawl, an inmate played by the Washington Redskins' 315-pound defensive tackle, Dana Stubblefield, accidentally slipped and landed on Affleck's head, knocking the actor unconscious. "I don't remember what happened.

I saw the tape later, and it's hard to tell. But the noise is kind of unmistakable. I just go, 'Whomp! Bang!'" says Affleck, suddenly looking and sounding like an 11-year-old skateboarder relating his latest awesome wipeout. "And my head goes, 'Boom!' Bounces off the concrete. It's like 'Whack!' Knocked me so stone-cold out that I don't remember a thing. That was the day I realized I had no chance of playing in the N.F.L." He sounds sincerely disappointed.

Is there anyone in America who doesn't remember exactly when, why, and how Ben Affleck became Ben Affleck? Naturally, he did it in typical guy fashion—alongside Matt Damon, his best friend from down the street since Affleck was eight years old. First they starred in the sensitive 1997 buddy picture Good Will Hunting, in which Damon played a working-class math savant and Affleck had a smaller but funnier role as his wisecracking sidekick. Then, at the Oscars, they scored major points by bringing their moms as their dates. Before you knew it, Ben 'n' Matt hysteria was full-blown (notwithstanding a vocal minority who considered their whole aw-shucks thing a big, annoying act).

"It was such a good publicity thing for marketing people," says Damon later at Affleck's house. "We ended up just talking about our friendship, which is really kind of a weird thing to do.... Hey, Ben," he asks, "what do you think about whoring out our friendship for personal gain?"

"At a certain point, some things in your life shouldn't be used to sell movies," Affleck replies. "Hey, I have two sphincters! See my movie!"

In the public mind, Affleck and Damon have become Hollywood's very own Bert and Ernie. Damon can't go on location without people wondering what in the world has happened to Affleck. For Affleck's part, the men reno [sic] his house call him Matt, and he is routinely congratulated for his work in Saving Private Ryan. On Affleck's coffee table in his Tribeca loft sits a recent issue of YM magazine—someone's idea of a joke, Affleck swears. Ben and Matt are on the cover, promising "Every Juicy Detail!"

Just as their friendship has become a warm and fuzzy American legend, the story behind Good Will Hunting will forever be a part of Hollywood lore: that it all began in 1992 with 40 pages that Damon churned out for a writing class at Harvard; that, after showing it to Affleck, then a struggling actor in L.A., the two worked it into a script; that it was briefly a "NASA thriller"; that they eventually amassed 1,500 pages; that they sold the script to Castle Rock Productions; that the project was put into turnaround, largely because Castle Rock demanded that the film be shot at a location cheaper than Boston; that the two were given 30 days to find a producer; that, with just 3 days left, Harvey Weinstein rode in like a white knight and purchased it for $ 1 million.

Weinstein also agreed to shoot the film in Boston, which allowed Affleck and Damon to feel comfortable doing the Boston accent, which, for obvious reasons, is near and dear to their hearts. "It was the whole reason I did the movie—just to do the accent," Affleck says, not entirely facetiously. Given any opportunity, he will launch into full-voltage riffs about Boston landmarks— from Jordan's Furniture commercials ("I think these sofas hajfta go!") to the pride surrounding the brutal winters ("Stock up on wahta, it's the Noreasta!"). He endlessly amuses himself with the names of Massachusetts towns ("You don't know me, fucker, but I'm from Hull. Bitch, I'm from Lynn. You don't know Medfield. Come down to Medfield, then we'll see what the fuck's up!").

"The Boston accent is more of an attitude than an accent," Affleck explains. "Underneath everything you say has to be the attitude of: You're an asshole, I know better than you, fuck you." It's an attitude that Affleck knows well. Dinner at the Afflecks' home, in Central Square, Cambridge, was characterized by heated debate on any topic, including whether to have the television on while eating. At times Affleck's reality wasn't so far from the scrappy existence depicted in Good Will Hunting. In addition to Ben and his younger brother, the up-and-coming actor Casey Affleck (who played Ben's weaselly younger brother in Good Will Hunting), there was Affleck's mother, Chris, a public-school teacher, and his father, Tim, an alcoholic and a frequent gambler who worked as a janitor, an electrician, and a bartender. "At the end of the football season," Affleck says of his father's tendency to bet on the games, "there would either be tough times or we'd get a VCR." The parents divorced when he was 12, and Tim is now a counselor in an alcohol-rehab center.

Affleck's neighborhood was largely African-American. So while other white kids from Boston were spending the 80s listening to the Cure and writing Goth poetry, Affleck (then called "Biz" to Damon's "Matty D") was listening to Prince and break-dancing in a nylon Puma sweat suit. "I was a real chump," he says.

Perhaps. But he was still on his way to starting his acting career. When he was seven, a casting-director friend of his mother's got him a tiny role in the independent movie The Dark End of the Street. By age eight, after winning a part in the PBS science series The Voyage of the Mimi and a brief stint as a Burger King pitch-boy, the young wiseass was hooked. Even as Affleck and Damon were starring in plays at Cambridge's Rindge and Latin high school, they were plotting their paths to glory. They had a joint bank account, designated strictly for New York excursions (the upcoming auditions and all), and even conducted "business lunches" during which, Damon recalls, "we'd basically sit over our cheeseburgers and not talk about anything." When Damon went to college at Harvard, little changed. Affleck hung out with Damon's new Ivy League friends and did his part to help drain the beer supply at the Delphic, the frat-boyish "finals club" Damon belonged to.

For Affleck, college held considerably less appeal than it did for Damon. After two months at the University of Vermont, he dropped out—much to the dismay of his mother, who, Affleck says, "always wanted me to be a history teacher." And so it was on to Los Angeles, where he and another friend lived in a one-bedroom "shit hole" on Franklin and Cherokee—"the Times Square of L.A.," as Affleck puts it. Between auditions, he spent his time rustling up the $300 rent and generally living a Slacker-style existence in which he spent too much time fielding calls from someone named "Fat Ed." "He'd always call and be like 'Yo, this is Fat Ed. Motherfuckers owe me $70 for groceries!'"

Luckily, it wasn't long before Affleck was getting movie work—the 1992 prep-school drama School Ties, Richard Linklater's 1993 Dazed and Confused, and Kevin Smith's embarrassing 1995 homage to New Jersey, Mallrats. Invariably, Affleck would be cast as the lunkhead, perhaps because he had yet to grow into his leading-man looks. Most of his roles required him to beat the crap out of some pencil-necked pre-adolescent. "I'd always go in for the lead," says Affleck, "and they'd be like 'You're interesting as Steve. We'd like you to read Bruiser.'"

Smith saw that Affleck had more to offer, and cast him as the main character in Chasing Amy, the 1997 Sundance hit that landed Affleck on the indie-film map. Playing an insecure, flabby, goatee-wearing cartoonist, Affleck got to do some hard-core, scenery-chewing emoting, including a monologue in which he pours his heart out to a yammering lesbian, played by Joey Lauren Adams. The scene was profoundly informed by Affleck's personal life at the time: he was in the process of breaking up with his high-school girlfriend. "I could strongly identify with the feeling of unrequited love," says Affleck. "Basically, I was in love with someone for years and years. And ultimately I felt like she just didn't love me in the same way—which was extremely painful."

Affleck would never admit that he likes to talk about mushy stuff—"It would be very difficult for me to say, 'That hurts.'" But get him started on any topic—including love and relationships—and he's virtually impossible to shut up. Nothing sends him on a sentimental roll quite like Gwyneth Paltrow, his girlfriend of a year, with whom he split last January.

"Gwyneth has a lot of things that haven't come across in her public image," says Affleck, who is forever defending her against the perception that she's an ice queen. "She's extremely funny, she's extraordinarily smart—not because she's a 1,600-on-theS.A.T. girl, but smart in the way that she kind of gets it," says Affleck. "She's actually the funny, down-to-earth fat girl in the beautiful girl's body." He is equally valiant about their well-publicized breakup. "People's stories always seem more interesting and more full of intrigue from the office-gossip perspective," says Affleck, perhaps referring to tabloid accounts that had Paltrow alternately sneaking around with Joe Fiennes, Viggo Mortensen, and ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt. "But when you're on the inside of your own relationship, you know the answers to those kinds of questions are much more mundane than when it's all shrouded in mystery and infused with conjecture: 'I heard he caught her in a menage a trois with a transvestite and two Pygmy lesbians!'"

Like a true movie star, Affleck is determined to keep the details of their relationship hidden. Like a true guy, he can't quite help himself from doing the opposite. An amateur photographer (his current passions are his Widelux camera and his Adobe Photoshop), Affleck keeps several albums of his work in his loft. Amid pictures of Cambridge, his mother, and his brother are pictures of Gwyneth: Gwyneth with flowers in her hair, Gwyneth waking up in the morning, Gwyneth dressed as Romeo on the set of Shakespeare in Love, Gwyneth about to head into Makeup. "Isn't she pretty?" Affleck says wistfully, gazing at the last image. "She's much more beautiful just natural like this than when she's all done up." He's lost in a Gwyneth moment. "I'm getting sad." But he's no sucker, and makes it clear that there will be no weeping here.

Affleck wasn't always so evolved in this department. Think back to the height of the Ben 'n' Matt frenzy, in 1997, when Affleck was dating Paltrow and Damon was seeing her friend Winona Ryder. "It was so gay," Affleck says, in the eight-year-old-girl sense of the word. "If I had gone by the tabloid stories of it, I would have been like 'Look at these fuckin' chumps. I just want to smack these people.' And I kind of wanted to smack myself," he admits. "But it's one of those things you kind of can't help. What are you going to say? 'Look, dude, don't go out with her. It'll look really weak.'"

Cringe-worthiness wasn't the only issue. More than anything, Affleck was concerned about how the tabloid stories would affect those around him—such as his ex-girlfriend. He likens the tabloids to "the friend who says, 'I don't want to get involved, but I did see Cathy blowin' three guys.'" Equally bothersome are the tabloid items describing Affleck as a rabid Lothario —buying out all the condoms in a 7-Eleven in Wisconsin (a state he's never set foot in), and getting cozy with Mariah Carey, Pamela Anderson, and, most recently, navel-baring pop star Britney Spears. "Britney Spears is 16 years old, O.K.?" says Affleck, rolling his eyes. "Can you dig it?"

Nor has Affleck been excluded from one of Hollywood's favorite games: Guess Who's Gay. His sexuality has been the subject of blind tabloid reports, and Affleck is often told that it's a foregone conclusion in the gay community that he and Damon are in love—a nugget that Affleck seems to get a particular kick out of. According to Hollywood gossip, says Affleck, "not only is every [actor] gay, but somebody has a friend who slept with them. Maybe there are gay people who are in the closet in Hollywood—I'm sure there probably are—but I'm sure they didn't sleep with Henry's friend. " As for his own sexuality, Affleck says, "I like to think that if I were gay I would be out. Rupert Everett-style."

Though Affleck has learned to handle the rumors with panache, his sudden fame and formidable wealth (he is now offered up to $12 million per picture) have been a bit harder to reconcile. "It's a tricky moral issue for me," says Affleck. "[Sometimes] I feel that maybe I should just keep $50,000 and give everything [else] away." His healthy Cambridge-liberal guilt is hard to miss. Even Frankenheimer, who briefly met Affleck's mother, couldn't help but notice that Affleck's "childhood was well formed and that he grew up with the right values." On the other hand, Affleck is too smart to pretend that he doesn't enjoy "priming the pump." "I once read an interview with a young actor who was saying, 'I'd like to live in a country house—the kind that Henry Miller lived in,'" says Affleck. "And I always thought, I want to live in the house that Reggie Miller lived in."

True to his guy-with-a-conscience form, Affleck has found himself somewhere in the middle: Sure, there are the two homes, the five motorcycles, the marble bathroom, the four computers, and the two cars (a Chevy Malibu and '69 Cadillac Sedan DeVille, which he shares with his brother). But he also gives a lot of his money to charity and to "needy individuals, whom I seem to come across with increasing regularity," has recently purchased a house for his mother, and, let it not be forgotten, often eats lunch at Koo Koo Roo. Yes, he implies, on occasion his behavior veers toward the prima donna-ish—he's been known to snub the press at movie premieres. But when he complains about anything, he feels "tacky," and when he catches himself trying to escape conversations with aggressive fans—by, say, claiming he needs to "go to the bathroom"—he feels, well, "shitty."

"Hey, Ben!" says a grizzled Koo Koo Roo patron who, in his full biker regalia, resembles a 70s-era Hell's Angel. Instead of running to the rest room, Affleck stands, bear-hugs the man, and launches into a long discussion about teeth. The interloper, you see, is not a Hell's Angel at all; he's Affleck's dentist, Dr. Stan Goldman, and Dr. Stan Goldman, like almost everyone who has crossed Affleck's path, is a serious fan.

"Love that dude," Affleck says after Dr. Goldman congratulates him for his work in Shakespeare in Love, bums a Camel Light, and takes off on his Harley. "I got sent to him by Disney when we were doing Armageddon. Fixed my tooth. My tooth was cracked and fucked up."

If the $100 million Jerry Bruckheimer asteroid juggernaut marked the moment when Affleck began worrying about his teeth (the whole set looks better than it used to), it was also the event that propelled Affleck from indie boy to action star—and spawned the inevitable talk about "selling out." It is an accusation that Affleck finds roundly preposterous. "How many opportunities do you have to go onto the space shuttle? To go into the neutral-buoyancy laboratory?" he says. For one thing, Affleck was raised on Star Wars. For another, he realizes that "just because a movie's independent doesn't mean it's good." Yes, he remains involved in several upcoming lowbudget projects (Kevin Smith's beleaguered religious send-up Dogma, Ben Younger's Wall Street drama The Boiler Room, Billy Bob Thornton's southern comedy Daddy and Them, and Jay Lacopo's The Third Wheel, a romantic comedy about a date gone haywire, which he and Damon are producing). But nothing lights up Affleck's bullshit meter like a lousy art-house film with a pretentious title. "I'm always like 'Yecch,' " Affleck says, cringing. "You know, Manny and Chuck with the Strawberries, or whatever it is. I want to see Enemy of the State

Which is not to say that Affleck plans to spend his career spraying bullets into gangs of international terrorists or delivering Bruce Willis-type lines such as "Yippee Kai Yay!" with a straight face. In Affleck's opinion, there's nothing so inane as "the best there is" movies. "[Hollywood] can't make a movie unless the lead guy's the best so-and-so," says Affleck, launching into a testosterone-pumped movie-trailer voice. "It's always like 'The best valet parker there ever was! And now he's back, for one ... big ... party!'"

If anything has characterized Affleck's role choices, it's the instinct to keep looking for what's different. "His wheels are constantly turning," Sandra Bullock says. "I don't think he can turn his head off."

And so Affleck, burned out on Armageddon's "deep-core drilling," chose to do Shakespeare in Love, despite fears that the cast was "going to be a bunch of R.S.C. knighted British people who were going to hate me and make fun of me." Next was Forces of Nature, which touched a nerve. "I identified with that dilemma, that fear of commitment," Affleck says of his character, a conservative groom-to-be who questions everything when he meets the free-spirited Bullock. On a few occasions, Affleck even rewrote dialogue in hopes of making the scenes more honest. "He'd brainstorm, and he'd get quiet for 20 minutes," Bullock recalls, "and we'd know what that meant. He was writing 12 pages of dialogue."

"I wished they had used more of my stuff," Affleck admits. "In retrospect, I think that movie would have been better served to be edgier.... If [Bullock's character] had been talking about sex toys," says Affleck, "that would have freaked this guy out, and he would have been made uncomfortable."

If Affleck is looking for a little discomfort, now is his moment. The new film Dogma—in which Affleck and Damon play angels with a penchant for automatic weapons—has come under attack by the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, which thinks the film ridicules the church. (Affleck views the controversy as, in essence, "three guys who had this little jury-rigged operation in Duluth who were trying to get their names in the papers.")

More emotional turbulence may be ahead for Affleck as he begins shooting Don Roos's romance Bounce, opposite Gwyneth Paltrow. And with Reindeer Games, the world will see what Affleck looks like as a victim. "I saw him as a throwback protagonist," Affleck says of his most recent character. "The hard-luck protagonist who doesn't look good all the time, who's constantly getting shit on, and who has the opportunity for a wry loser's irony. He kind of reminded me of my dad," he says. "Not that my dad's a loser, but [he has] that tough-luck sense of humor."

And thus it appears that Affleck may be nearing the end of guy territory and approaching manhood, a secure place to utilize some of the skills he's picked up from his various directors—directing, alas, is yet another target Affleck has set his sights on— and to explore the jackassery that he fears so intensely. Among the many issues that Affleck is now confronting are, he explains, a limited capacity for compromise and a lack of willingness to put his energy into a romantic relationship. "The reason I'm single," Affleck says, "is because I wouldn't want to be with anybody right now who would be willing to be with me."

And, just for a moment, Ben Affleck sounds a little like Woody Allen. But only a little.

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marcomarconii · 4 months ago

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Healthy Eating Tips and Recipe 🥗📄

📌Today, I'm sharing some advanced healthy eating tips and a recipe to help you with your nutrition. Good nutrition is the base of a healthy life. Let's get started!

1️⃣ Tip 1: Fermented Foods

Fermented foods like yogurt, kimchi, and sauerkraut are full of probiotics which promote gut health and digestion. Adding these to your diet will boost nutrient absorption and overall well-being. 🥛🥛

2️⃣ Tip 2: Eat a Rainbow

Eat a variety of colorful fruits and vegetables. Different colors mean different essential nutrients and antioxidants. This way, you get a broad spectrum of vitamins and minerals. 🍋🍎🫐

3️⃣ Tip 3: Mindful Eating

Be mindful of your eating. Chew slowly, savor each bite, and listen to your body's hunger and fullness cues. Mindful eating helps with digestion and prevents overeating.🦉🦉

4️⃣ Tip 4: Healthy Snacking

Choose healthy snacks like nuts, seeds, and fruit instead of processed snacks. These give you essential nutrients and keep you energized between meals. 🍇🍏🥜

5️⃣ Recipe Of The Day: Mediterranean Quinoa Salad 🌿🧄🍅

⬇️ Ingredients:

⬇️ Instructions:

1️⃣ I use vegetable stock instead of water for the quinoa. Cook the quinoa according to package directions. Rinse the quinoa and add it with the stock in a medium saucepan (2 cups of tricolor quinoa.)

2️⃣ Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce to low and simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes.

3️⃣ Remove from heat, cover, and let sit for 5 minutes to fluff. Set aside to cool.

4️⃣ While the quinoa cooks, combine the red onions and red wine vinegar so the onions get slightly pickled (1 Tablespoon Red Wine Vinegar and 1/3 Cup Red Onion.)

5️⃣ Whisk together all the dressing ingredients and set aside. (1/4 Cup Olive Oil,1/2 Lemon,2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice,1 Tablespoon Prosecco Vinegar, Pinch Salt,1 1/2 teaspoons Honey,1 Clove Garlic.)

6️⃣ Add the quinoa, chopped veggies, pickled onions (drained from the vinegar), beans, herbs, and feta in a large bowl. Pour in the dressing and toss to coat. (1 Cup Spinach,1 Cup Cucumber,1/3 Cup Mung Beans,1 Cup Grape Tomatoes,2 Tablespoons Italian Flat Leaf Parsley,1 Tablespoon Basil,1/2 Cup Feta,1/3 Cup Red Onion.)

7️⃣ Season with salt and pepper to taste and refrigerate for at least 10 minutes to allow the flavors to meld. If you need to do longer, just wait to dress the salad until right before serving, as the quinoa absorbs a lot of the dressing. Bon appetite!

➡️Small changes in your diet can lead to significant health improvements. Try this recipe, and let me know your thoughts. Share your favorite healthy eating tip or recipe in the comments! For more nutrition tips and recipes, join my newsletter. 📬📬

#nutrition #health #recipes #mediterranean #mediterraneanfood

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uncloseted · 10 months ago

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Do you think Hello Fresh is good for losing weight or at least having a balanced diet? If I can't cook something easy I end up getting uber eats. I see it sponsored on youtube videos all the time but I'm not sure how good for you it really is you know

I've actually been thinking about trying Hello Fresh, so this is a great question! As with most things, I think whether it's a good idea for you is contextual based on your goals and your needs. In general, I do think it's healthier than ordering from UberEats, although that depends a little bit on what you're ordering and from which restaurants. Hello Fresh's meals are all nutritionally balanced, and it offers reduced-calorie, Mediterranean, vegetarian, and low-carb options, which can be helpful for losing weight. It's not as good for other types of diets or dietary needs, such as keto, paleo, or vegan, and there are some allergies that it can't accommodate, although it seems like they're trying to expand their offerings. Its recipes are pretty easy to prepare for people who don't cook very much, but I've seen some people say that there's a lot of clean up, so if you hate washing dishes or don't have a lot of cookware, that may make Hello Fresh less convenient for you. Overall, I think it's worth trying it out to see if you like it.

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lizzie-gains · 2 years ago

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Goals, May & June 2023: get back on track, listen to my body

Oh shit the year is almost half over and I still have my January/February goals post up

Okay so I clearly haven't made new goals yet. I'm having a weird year. I'm probably working too much, but my medications have been helping to keep my pain at a more manageable level so that's a huge positive.

My goals for May and June are probably exactly the same as the previous ones:

Incorporate vegetarian Mediterranean diet principles into my day to day eating, for possible inflammation benefits - use flexible meal planning/prepping

Listen to my body, check in and observe what I need

Try to meditate at least 3 times a week

Aim for 6-8 hours of sleep each night

Aim to do my physio exercises 3-5 days a week

Aim for an added exercise 2-3 days a week, incorporating things that will help manage pain, as well as feel good or enjoyable for my body and my mind

Enter 1 writing competition

Aim to practice a language at least 5 days a week (French/Indonesian)

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pocket-pocket-rocket · 2 years ago

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Therapy homework: list of things I do to take care of myself, self care

SKIN CARE ROUTINE:

AM:

1. cetaphil cleanser (foam)

2. Vitamin c (on dry skin)

3. Moisturize

4. SPF (super important, do NOT skip)

PM:

1. Makeup removal gel/cream

2. Cleanser

3. Retinol (not every night)

4. Moisturize

*** Dermaplane every 4-6 weeks, each one gets 2-3 uses, clean with alcohol between each use

Gym: lifting weights consistently, working to become stronger. Motivation ≠ Discipline

Water goals: 2+ L minimum

Protein goals: 0.7 per lb for muscle growth, fueling body to be able to function. Using things like oikos yogurt, fairlife, protein bar, protein snacks (peanut buttter balls) and —>

Meal prepping: so I don’t die in the middle of the week, marinate the chicken in portion sizes and cook for optimal protein. Prep salads, one a day for collagen and great skin/Mediterranean diet if possible. Try baking recipes with protein powder

IMPORTANT: DO NOT EAT about 2 HOURS BEFORE BED Or you will have vivid dreams anD NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION THE NEXT DAy

Sleep: 7-8, closer to 8 if possible

Meditate: literally at least do 10 minutes away so you don’t have to medicate to keep your anxiety under control (spoiler alert: when you meditate, you don’t feel the need to endlessly scroll on your phone to find a relief!!)

Supplements: protein powder, magnesium, ashwaganda, creatine (BE SURE TO INCREASE WATER INTAKE), preworkout, fish oil?? Rosemary oil for hair, collagen

Mobility and flexibility training: if you don’t use your full range of motion, you’ll lose it!!! Don’t have muscles be super tight and can’t use them completely, can stunt gains too and risk injury

Hair care routine: leave in conditioner, and curl products, plopping, oiling twice a week

Socialization: do not isolate yourself when you are feeling down

Setting boundaries: with people and career, vocalize needs and wants when needed

Understanding when you need “me time” preventing burnout

Hobbies, drawing, singing, other art

Clean space: make sure I’m keeping my surroundings clean

Accessorize: wear jewelry for everyday wear rather thank just special occasions, express myself

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traceofexistence · 7 months ago

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as someone who is both diabetic and on a diet currently, here some truths

if you need to lost 10~20 kilos the process will be SLOWER and harder. than when you have to lose let's say 100 kilos.

your age matters also, the older you are the harder you lose weight.

I'm in need to lose 15~20 kilos at the moment. I will be losing about ~1 kilo per week, and some weeks I wont lose any, the target is 3-4 kilos per month.

the slower you lose, the easier to maintain later.

3 key factors with diet is moderation, food combinations, multiple meals along the day

moderation of course has to do with portions, and how much of something you use in your food.

combinations are so important, for example if you have meat in your meal, combine it with a salad/veggies, and not with pasta, or potatoes, or bread.

meat is a really good source of protein and energy and it helps with diets because you dont feel hunger.

with diets you shouldn't feel hungry.

and that's where multiple meals comes in

every good diet suggests 5 meals per day (breakfast - snack - lunch - snak - dinner)

very important, eat bread in moderation, if you have diabetes, try to avoid it all together, unless it's whole grains or whatever. but if you just diet, try to eat less bread, because bread bloats.

when my doctor gave me the list with what it's okay to eat, and what I should either cut out or minimize in my diet, he said one thing to me:

"cook your food the way you used to, just avoid certain things that tingle your diabetes" his philosophy was that diet shouldn't feel like a chore, but you should still be able to enjoy eating, because especially for diabetics the things you can eat simply decreases so if what remains is not cooked to be delicious, who is gonna want to eat it. so the diet fails.

the other day I had artichokes grilled in the oven with just oil and salt and pepper, and they were the most delicious food in existence (though im biased as I love artichokes)

for recipes I would suggest to look up Mediterranean cousin spain, italy, greece, turkiye. those cousins have many balanced recipes many with veggies and beans etc, that taste incredibly good, and they are not complicated to make.

try to avoid processed foods, the fresher your food the easier it makes your diet.

also another keys point

dont stress about it

there are days you wont lose any, there are days you will gain even.

dont calculate calories too much.

dont step on the scale all the time. once a week is enough.

if your friends asked you out on a saturday night to eat burgers, go and eat them, and you will make an effort the following days.

alcohol is not your friend, a lot of weight gaining comes from alcohol.

do not guild yourself and dont allow others to guild you about what and how much you ate.

stressing out and being unhappy, doesn't help you metabolize what you eat at all.

dont let others dictate how you diet.

and last but not least

cravings are the worst. you will have them, and sometimes you will need to get that fucking chocolate bar down your throat. as long as you are able to resist most of the times, you are fine. you are allowed to have sweets after all even as a diabetic. just again in moderation.

guilt and stress dont help

enjoying your meal, and filling content after it is what helps ;)

I know this is a tiny part of the wider problems born of diet culture, fatphobia, classicism, and racism but like god the idea that "healthy" food must inherently taste bad has completely ruined us as a society.

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myatuesday · 7 months ago

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And as far as the whole not eating thing.

I KNOW my fucking body.

I KNEW this was going to happen.

It doesn't matter if I'm "dieting" or not,

I CAN NOT eat AT ALL and lose weight.

It's just not possible. It never has been.

Never ever ever has been.

This time though, literally not even losing ONE pound even just defies fucking logic and science.

It's insane.

But nobody can say I didn't give a try before resorting to the only solution that has ever worked.

And at least now I can have pizza on the weekends or whatever.

Because I haven't really even had real cheat days this month.

I think like 2.

I had macaroni one day. And then I just balled out on Mexican food this weekend. But that was a "fuck everything" frfr cheat day. To the max.

But, even then, it's not like I ate a Chimichanga. I had shrimp fajitas. But I also ate cheese. Which was the big indulgence.

But anyway. Whatever.

I'm just saying, I did try.

I've pretty much just had smoothies/juices, eggs, oatmeal, salads, fish protein.

And trying so hard to get in as much protein as possible every day.

Cut simple carbs, like bread and flour and white rice. All that.

No candy. Or sweets, other than fruit.

Very limited dairy. The only dairy has been in Mediterranean food, like feta cheese.

How literally not one pound was lost, when prior to this, I ate whatever the fuck I wanted. And, for the most part, have been for years. Is beyond me.

I think maybe I usually eat less. But isn't one high calorie meal still worse than two balanced meals?

Smh

Idk. I think for me, no meals are possible.

But, geez. I've even had so much liquid through all this. Which kindof isn't a meal.

It's so frustrating.

But whatever. OK. That's all.

I'll just live off supplements now.

And if I'm still not losing any weight after a couple weeks of 6 days of restriction. Then... idk wtf.

It could mean I can't lose without drugs.

But I lost weight without drugs roughly 10 years ago. It just took awhile.

But I was definitely making better progress than now. JFC.

Even for me, I'm a little flabbergasted I haven't lost one pound. That's physically impossible. Sigh. But whatever.

#diet #hypothyroid #pcos #weight gain #weight loss #women's health #dieting

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hollowthatfollowssme · 9 months ago

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TW: WL WIEIAD (-1 LB / WEEK)

🦋Day 1💙

Weight: 124.4Lbs /120.8

This day I weighed 124.4 but my true starting weight is 120.8 because that’s what I was the day before. This 124.4lbs was from eating a salty dinner very late the night before and poor sleep. Not worried about this what so ever because I know from the weigh in from the day before that it’s 100% water not fat!

Breakfast: skipped because I slept in a bit, no caffeine consumed

Lunch: had an early lunch before I went to my internship. I ate a coconut yogurt (150cals) with added collagen 8g (28cals) and a real good breakfast sandwich (400 cals). I normally buy the lower cal turkey sausage ones but they were out and my fiancé was encouraging me to just buy the higher cal ones. I knew I could make it work in my budget so I got them anyway! Fuck fear of high cal foods just make sure they are proportioned for calorie counting ease! Meal total 578 cals and 40g protein

Dinner: I was busy all evening visiting family in the hospital after working so I didn’t get home til 10pm where I had some food from my fiancés work he brought home for me. Spanish rice (105cals) some charro beans (215cals) and some refried beans (94 cals) meal total 414 protein 24g

Snacks: Coke Zero from a cool gas station

Days total cals: 992cals 64g protein

Normally I eat 1000+ cals but I was in a hospital for 5 hours which killed my appetite for a while. I met my 60g protein goal for the day so I am at least happy with that. I don’t want to risk over eating tomorrow from under eating today so I’m not going to skip breakfast and I’ll make sure it’s high protein too. My current diet goal is under 1200 cals but above 60g of protein! I’m also trying to eat a diet that prevents insulin resistance because I have conditions that run in my family that eating an insulin resistance diet can help prevent. This diets similar to the Mediterranean diet, lots of healthy fats, lean proteins, and beans. It also avoid fried food, starchy vegetables, and high carb sugary foods. I’m not perfect but I’ll try to stick to it best I can manage and the best way to do that is to meal plan a day ahead lol

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thecairomuse · 3 years ago

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Summer'21 Prep&Plan

I am using this summer as a chance to completely reset my life and glow up, and you should too <3

Here's what you need to do to have the best summer ever:

Phase 1 (Plan)

Figure out what you want out of this summer, get crystal clear on who you want to be by the end of the summer

Identify the goals to get you there, for every aspect of your life (school/ work/ health/ personal/ etc.)

Figure out what you need to do on a daily, weekly and monthly basis to get there

Establish a Flexible daily, weekly and monthly routine that you can stick to

Make sure your plan makes it impossible for you not to follow through

Draft a shopping list (this tip is easier to do at the end), it can be anything from straight white jeans to stationary to a lip scrub to AirPods, anything that will help you reach your goals

Phase 2 (Feel your best)

Health is wealth

How I live a healthy lifestyle - Part 1: Nutrition and Diet

Get into a calories deficit/ surplus if you want to lose/ gain weight (Do not count calories if they are a trigger!!)

Establish an exercise routine and stick to it (bonus tip: make sure it lines up with your hair washdays)

10,000 steps per day minimum, taking daily walks will help you reach your goals

Dance more

Eat healthier, you can go on a diet like the keto/ Mediterranean/ paleo diet or you can take a more intuitive approach and just improve your existing eating habits

Look into fasting and it's many benefits, you can do OMAD, intermittent fasting, alternate day fasting, 24 hour fasts, 72 hour fasts, etc. but start small if you are not used to it. You can even have a schedule (eg. one 72 hour fast per month)

Make sure you are getting all your vitamins and minerals

Water (2 liters per day), but you already knew that, didn't you?

Incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet

Stop snacking, unless you need to for health reasons

Quit sugar

Quit fizzy drinks (don't drink your calories)

Quit junk food (much healthier alternatives out there)

Skin

Do your research on different ingredients and products, you don't want to mess up your skin

Identify your specific sink type, needs and concerns (this is vital)

Figure out your AM and PM routine

Speaking of AM, wear your sunscreen!!

Get lip balm with SPF, my favourite is Palmer's dark chocolate and cherry

Try slugging (applying a thin layer of vaseline/ glycerin at the end of your PM routine)

De-puff your face in the morning, a Gua Sha is good for this or you could perform a facial massage with your hands

Ice your face in the morning, good for circulation and de-puffing

Use a facial oil, there are so many good ones out there, especially Argon and Rosehip oil

Do a weekly at-home facial

Apply a face mask AT LEAST once a week

Look into professional treatments if needed

Incorporate face yoga

Don't neglect your neck or chest

Establish an anti-ageing routine, prevention is better than treatment (will def have to make an in-depth post about this one)

Hair

Understanding your hair is a game changer!!

Identify your hair type, needs and concerns

Figure out how often you need to wash your hair and create a schedule

Establish a hair care routine for your washday

Establish a hair care routine for maintenance in between washdays

Treat any damage, Olaplex 3 is quite good

Oil your hair once a week or more, depending on your hair type and needs

Apply a hair mask/ a hot oil treatment as often as you can

Get henna treatments every 3 months or so

Look into dusting to maintain the health of your hair and keep up in between treatments

hair cuts, either a trim or to change up the look of your hair

Get any professional treatments if needed

The curly girl method is a good starting point if you have curly hair and don't know how to take care of it

Monthly rice water treatments

Apple cider vinegar rinse + a clarifying shampoo (no more than once a week) if you have hard water

A filter is quite good for hard water as well

Use a heat protectant, they work (if you get the right one)

Take care of your lashes and eyebrows, please.

Body care

Identify anything you want to change (stretch marks, cellulite, dark knees, etc.)

Figure out how to treat them

Establish a body care routine

Figure how to incorporate your treatments into your routine

Have a shower and after shower routine

Try to make sure all your body care is the same scent (either all vanilla or all peach or any other scent, Bath & Body Works is AMAZING for this)

Say it with me: SPF

Hand and foot creams are important, so are hand and foot masks

Use lip scrubs regularly

Weekly or bi-monthly at home or in salon manicures and pedicures

Look into dry brushing

Have a shaving/ waxing routine

Consider laser/ electrolysis/ IPL for permanent/ semi-permeant hair removal

Have a tanning routine if you want to

Use a body oil (bonus tip: make sure it shimmers for more fun)

Schedule weekly at home spa/ pamper days

Scent

I had to make this into it's own category just because it's that important.

How to smell good from head to toe, AKA my scent routine

Try to make sure all your body care is the same scent (either all vanilla or all peach or any other scent, Bath & Body Works is AMAZING for this)

Use a perfume oil on your pulse points, Musk and Oud scents from high quality middle Eastern brands are good for these

Have a scent for your clothing, preferably something light and a scent that can go well with most things, vanilla/ coconut/ musky/ florally body mists are good for this

Use a hair perfume, some hair moisturizing sprays have strong scents and can be used as a perfume, make sure it's low in alcohol

Have a signature scent

Rotate between scents every once in a while, this is good for scent association

Have different scents for different occasions, also good for scent association

Experiment with layering different perfumes

Invest in good quality perfumes

Teeth

Another important one

Brush your teeth 2x at least, preferably after very meal

Floss and use mouthwash

Go to a dentist regularly

Get professional cleaning and/ or whitening if you can

Get any other treatments you need

Whiten your teeth at home

Try oil pulling

Use a tongue scraper

Phase 3 (Mental Wellbeing)

This is quite personal to you but some suggestions:

Meditate

Script daily and practice LOA

Do Yoga daily even if for 5 minutes

Figure out what you need to work on

Identify any toxic traits you have

Identify where your bad habits/ traits come from and cut off the source

Identify anything stopping you from reaching your fullest potential and work on it

See a professional if needed

Essential oils can be helpful

Get enough sleep!!

Don't waste your time on meaningless things/ people/ situations/ etc.

Change your mindset/ attitude if you don't like it

Start each day by dancing, even if for 5 minutes

Affirmations

Schedule mental health days

A journal is great for venting and clearing your mind, as well as organizing your thoughts (it's insane what happens when you visually see your thoughts on paper)

Have a good work ethic and be disciplined

Go on regular dopamine detoxes

Reduce stress (easier said than done, but try to find your triggers and healthy coping mechanisms, research all there is to know and experiment until you have it under control)

Compliment other people, and accept compliments graciously

Enjoy the small things and romanticise your life

Phase 4 (Look your best)

Fashion

Re-evaluate your wardrobe

Upgrade your basics

Look into creating a capsule wardrobe

Figure out if you are more into timeless classic pieces or trends

With that being said, be careful with trends

Dress your age

Follow dress codes, please.

Always put in effort

Quality > Quantity

Jewellery can be phenomenal for changing an outfit

Speaking of jewellery, real stones/ crystals/ gold/ silver is best

Color coordinate your outfits, make sure they look cohesive

Wear appropriate shoes

Find style inspo

Handbags can elevate an outfit like no other (my favorite bag from my collection currently is the Bottega Veneta chain pouch in black, incredibly high quality)

Invest in good quality shape wear and undergarments

Wear cute Pajamas ( Upgrade your sleepwear. Trust me.)

Makeup

Doesn't have to be insane

Less is more

Good skin will make this step a lot easier

Have 5 or so signature looks for every occasion

Learn different techniques/ hacks

Find products that work for you

Keep your routine and collection simple

Hair

Always put in effort to make sure your hair looks good

Align your washdays with important events/ your schedule

Have 5 or so styles that you like

Minimize frizz and maximise shine

Health > length

Misc.

Have a good posture

And a good tongue posture too

Smile, or smize, not too exaggerated

Phase 5 (Live your best)

Lifestyle

This is, again, quite personal but here are some pointers/ ideas

Start/ end/ continue working on any personal projects

Learn a new skill

Learn a new language

Learn new recipes

Academic/ career goals

Cultivate Friendships and relationships

Network!!

Plan a vacation

Or a staycation

Or a mini trip

If you can't travel then fill your day with fun activities (visiting museums, pilates classes, going to theaters, or exploring local towns/ cities

Make lots of plans with friends

Discover new music

Discover new shows/ movies

Quit social media, or take your instagram to the next level, whatever suits you most

Volunteer

Get a summer job

Follow only the podcasts, blogs, subreddits, accounts etc. that help you reach your goals

Keep up with the news and current world events

Learn the basics of politics, economics, history, geography and philosophy (good conversation topics that show you are educated, they are also genuinely interesting)

Organization

Notion is a game changer

Find a to-do list that works for you

Calendar blocking is a great way to plan your day

Be busy but not too busy

Plan your meals in advance

Schedule any events

Reminders on your phone for important things

Misc.

Cancel any subscriptions you don't want

Keep a diary to recount the events of day

Keep a Bullet journal for lists and fun things to note

Take pictures (Bonus points if it's on an ever so slightly grainy camera)

Figure out how you plan to maintain any changes made and the up keep, whether it be with your weekly facials/ academia/ personal projects/ etc., you have to stick with it!

This summer is going to be amazing <3

Best of luck gorgeous,

Serena

#level up #glow up #summer #you should too <3

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mmmmalo · 3 years ago

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Excerpts from a CineD chat on Everything Everywhere All at Once; I developed my understanding of the visuals a bit.

Bust Rodd: I interpreted the bagel as a symbol of Westernization and the strongest example of division between an immigrant Chinese woman trying to learn to be American and raise an American daughter vs her American daughter, raised as native in this place with weak connection to her ancestral homeland (“your Chinese is getting worse”). I didn’t live in Asia for very long, but finding a good bagel in Japan, even Tokyo, honestly felt impossible. Like, I’m struggling to think of a food that could more completely represent a departure from eastern/asian lifestyle for a more Americanized diet/way of life, I think “Bagel” is most perfect example, in addition to the “void within a void” concept mentioned above.

mmmmalo: I like the reading emphasizing the bagel as a quintessentially American food, but also think it's kind of an asshole? Like the "butt plug" is introduced as a symbol of achievement, but its form (and the auditor's attitude) undercuts our ability to be impressed by the successes it represents -- so we're kind of cast into the perspective of Joy, who has "stopped valuing achievement" insofar as she has no hopes for her personal prospects for success (though her nihilism is sort of indistinguishable from self-loathing for most of the movie). So Joy has turned away from success (the butt plug) and towards the asshole ("we're all shit").

The plug-and-bagel also kinda scan as an analized lingam-yoni pairing, so there might be some creation-destruction in there alongside the success-abjection motifs.

Gaius Marius: Bagels aren't quintessentially American.

checkplease: There’s what the New York bagel and the Montreal bagel. America has a strong claim to bagels now after all these years

Steve Yun: I dunno about it being American

Butttt

When Joy introduces the bagel to Evelyn, she makes her do the hand joke that’s supposed to be a butthole

mmmmalo: Okay maybe not "American" per se but I think Bust Rodd connecting bagels as a Western thing to Joy's diminishing Chinese language skills has some teeth to it, when Gong-Gong, who raised the complaint ends up having the firmest stance against the "chaos" of the everything bagel

Edit: Western bagel also kind of meshes with the bagel-as-asshole since Evelyn marks the decision to follow Raymond to America as the point where her life went to shit

Gaius Marius: Having an interpretation based on Joy losing touch with their culture that's based on you stripping the Bagel of it's own cultural connection and origin is ironic and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

mmmmalo: Irony granted, but even with the bagel originating in Jewish communities in Poland (or maybe a little further southeast? One article brought up the east Mediterranean as a possible site) I think Evelyn's fear that her Joy (her daughter AND her personal happiness) has been stolen by a chaos demon resonates with hints that Evelyn regards the decay in her life as a symptom of coming to America -- I'd even wager the cycling washing machines are more bagels, in that regard.

checkplease: The modern bagel came from migrating polish Jewish bakers to New York. The label and common style was popularized in New York. It’s at least a nice symbol of the success of immigration in America

Steve Yun: I’m not so sure the bagel works as a symbol of western culture or immigrant success because Evelyn has to turn Joy away from the bagel at the end and embrace the fact that her daughter is westernized and gay. Evelyn turning Joy away from the nihilism of the bagel seems to be at odds with the bagel being a symbol of western culture.

mmmmalo: That's fair... the America reading works as long as you focalize Evelyn and her fears, but it falls apart for Joy. Abjection means something else to her.

teacup: For a movie with some really beautiful readings on immigrant experiences in America/ the west it’s really weird to do the bagel is america reading imo

martman: I read the bagel thing as a nihilistic "who cares what I call this thing because it's meaningless, so I'll just make it a dumb joke" kinda thing

Organza Quiz: (to Steve Yun) Yes thanks I was about to make this post. It represents despair/hopelessness/nothingness, it's something she has to be saved from to save her life, not from Evelyn's perspective but from the movie's perspective. That would be a real fucking weird message for this movie and also just not in line with what actually happens.

Hieronymous Alloy: a symbol or theme doesn't have to perfectly valid from every interpretive angle to be valid from some angles.

mmmmalo: I'm just pointing out that Evelyn seems to blame her own despair/abjection not only on her husband, but on the place they moved together, America. You also kind of see her attitude in the differences between the parallel worlds: she exults in the sleek kung fu action stardom of Hong Kong and is repulsed by the lesbian hotdog finger life in the States. But as the movie goes on, she's able to cool her idealization of her potential lives overseas (eg the pinky kung fu introducing some overt silliness) and recognize the dignity within her goofy nightmare vision of America (eg feet piano).

Bust Rodd: I meant a Bagel was a symbol of Westernized food because Chinese, Japanese, and many other Asian cultures view breads as a desert or a treat, they aren’t bread cultures, a giant wheat/gluten bomb like a bagel isn’t part of their culture the same way the lovingly/irritatedly tended rice cooker is. A bagel isn’t something Joy would have grown up loving if she were a Chinese born woman, but she’s American, so a good bagel can mean everything

I mean, I’m Jewish, I’m not stripping away a Bagel’s cultural relevance to Jews, but also there are more Jews in Manhattan than in Tel Aviv, so if you wanted to make an argument that bagels are a mostly American food in 2022 I think you could do that. It’s like Pizza, when people think of real pizza, no one fucking thinks of Italy, they think of New York.

The lunchpin of the movie being a bagel is significant but not in a way the movie outright states and it’s one of the more fun speculatory chestnuts to crack. Symbolism!

#movies #Everything Everywhere All at Once

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rothjuje · 3 years ago

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Alyssa started pre-k on Thursday. I feel sensitive about our decision to send her, given delta and George’s pre-existing condition. Almost everyone in my life has given me a hard time about it. Justin was not happy that I refused to enroll Alyssa in preschool last year (because of the pandemic), our compromise was pre-k this year. I also feel bad about myself that I can’t balance teaching Alyssa, caring for one year old twins, getting our house ready to list and ready to move to New England, and working with George. I respect and admire homeschool moms so much, I don’t know how they do it.

I don’t know why I beat myself up about it. I know so many SAHMs that send their kids to preschool starting at age 2, or have mother’s helpers or family nearby. Anyway, no need to give someone with anxiety a hard time...they’re likely already giving themselves a hard time.

Anyway. Alyssa loves school so far and is having a great time with all her new friends. So at least I feel like I made the right choice for her.

Justin has been with the new job for a week now. He seems a lot happier with the new job. And I LOVE having him work from home. It’s the best.

I chopped my hair off and donated 10 inches. It feels great.

I went to the gynecologist yesterday for the super fun yearly check. She wanted to remind me that if we wanted a 4th the sooner the better since my next pregnancy will be considered a “geriatric pregnancy” and pregnancies can have more complications as the body ages. Super fun stuff. She was also curious if we were going to put two in again. NO.

We discovered that high cholesterol runs in my family so I got mine checked. High. Doc wants me to try a Mediterranean diet for the next 6 months and then check back. Apparently I have to say goodbye to my comfort ice cream.

I feel so old. Sigh.

Random story. I had to pick up a piece of mail from our old house. It was so eerie. They still have our old welcome mat. And the rosemary I planted is huge now. I saw the holes that once held our mezuzah and the stain it left behind. And where I may have accidentally dented the garage. It’s been over three years now but it was like being momentarily transported back in time.

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lizzie-gains · 2 years ago

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Goals, June, July & August 2022: form healthy, pain relieving, and creative habits

Reattempt: try eating by Mediterranean diet principles (vegetarian) to see if that helps my inflammatory conditions; be conscious about eating intuitively and not placing strict rules

Listen to my body, check in and observe what I need

Practice good sleep hygiene, work on better sleeping habits

Use treadmill to walk gently 3 days a week, and perform gentle mobility movements 3 days a week, for gentle, healthy movement to manage and prevent stiffness and pain

Practice French daily

Create for at least 15 minutes a day, 5 days a week

Work on getting a diagnosis and treatment, use heat/ice/tens/massage as needed - update 1: bloods indicated suspected diagnosis, now waiting on specialist appointment - update 2: on anti-inflammatories, x-ray taken, next appointment with specialist in November. Diagnosis likely ankylosing spondylitis.

#fitspo #fitblr #fitspiration #healthy #health #healthblr #healthspo #personal #fitness #lizziespeaks #food #exercise #goals #creative writing #piano #chronic pain #diagnosis #french

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carelessgraces · 4 years ago

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𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬.

1. What does your muse smell like?

her hair smells like honey. she’s been using the same shampoo and conditioner for ages, and it’s all a honey scent. sometimes, she’ll add argan oil for the curls, but she rarely uses any other kind of product in her hair — no gel or spray, and she doesn’t dye her hair normally. her skin smells like plum, vanilla, and bergamot — it’s nothing overwhelming, she doesn’t wear body sprays or perfumes, but that’s the scent of her soap and her lotion. the smell is dark and a little sweet and a little sharp, and at first it seems like a berry scent, but that’s the plum. her deodorant is scented like bergamot, too, so it’s all compatible.

2. What do your muse’s hands feel like?

her hands are soft, mostly. she used to have callouses on her fingers from playing violin when she was young, but those have healed. she has long fingers — nothing too notable, but she has nice hands overall. she’s got a very, very strong grip. she’s not accustomed to physical labor and it’s fairly obvious when you touch her hands; she does, however, have some little scars across her palms and fingers, the sort of teeny tiny wear-n-tear scars you get from doing experimental magic that occasionally leaves a mark.

3. What does your muse usually eat in a day?

she starts the day with fruit and something sweet — a pastry, a bread of some kind, something decadent — and a cup of coffee. for everything else it’s a largely mediterranean diet. lots of fish and white meat, red meat no more than once a week; lots of whole grains, a fair amount of pasta and rice; a lot of vegetables. when she’s in ireland after being gone for a long time, she’ll get fish and chips to sort of settle in and remind herself that she’s home. in terms of alcohol: she prefers her wines italian and her whiskeys irish. wine at least once a day with a meal; irish coffee on the weekends. she has a sweet tooth, and she indulges on days when she’s worked out more than usual, so it can balance out a bit.

4. Does your muse have a good singing voice?

i mean, it’s fine. you won’t cringe listening to her sing along to the radio. she's a mezzo, and she sang in a few school choirs and had related voice lessons. she has a perfectly nice and largely unremarkable voice. if she gets training, she’d be lovely, and you can hear that she has the potential for it, but it’s never been something she’s been interested in, beyond putting on one-woman shows while driving a long distance with a broadway soundtrack on her spotify.

5. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?

when she’s very nervous or stressed she scratches at her palms. she typically only smokes when she’s drunk, but when she’s freaking out she chainsmokes and then she won’t touch a cigarette for months. ( this is only in her witch verse, or a verse where she can heal quickly — and in her lawyer verse, where she doesn’t care quite so much. ) she also has a habit of touching her own face that she doesn’t often notice.

6. What does your muse usually look like / wear?

she’s very well put together. for astoria, sartorial choices carry as much weight as anything else; her job is to manipulate perception, and your clothes are the first way to do that. she wears a lot of darker colors and neutrals, occasionally with a pop of color. sometimes heels, but most often boots with a lower and thicker heel. close-fitting clothes, often in layers. her clothes are well-made but not flashy, unless she wants to draw attention, and when she does want to draw attention she does it with contrasts: dark fabrics against her skin with a fair amount of skin showing, dark lace on a very light fabric, something form-fitting. if she goes for bright colors, then she likes contrasting colors that catch the eye. if she’s at home with a partner, then it’s usually just a tank top and jeans, or a hoodie and shorts. her hair is usually down, most often curly or wavy. if she wears makeup, she prefers a subtle eyeliner and a bold red lip.

7. Is your muse affectionate? How much? How so?

with her pets — unquestionably. astoria would be happy to spend the entire day cuddled up with the cats, giving them kisses and telling them they’re perfect. beyond that — she’s fairly physical in her affection. she’s a very tactile person. she’ll hold hands with her friends, she loves being tucked up against a lover’s side or putting her hand in their pocket while they walk, she hugs her family often. with a lover, she’s very often touching them somehow; she’ll play with their hair, kiss them, adjust their clothes, little things. she likes holding hands because she’s a sap but it’s not often feasible, given that she needs her hands for work or for magic. she loves sitting with some part of her draped over a lover — her legs across their lap, her body leaned against theirs, whatever she can manage. she just likes being touched. with that said, when a stranger or someone who feels threatening puts their hands on her, she very often tries to put space between them.

8. What position does your muse sleep in?

curled up and wrapped around the nearest living thing. when she sleeps with someone, she can put a wall of pillows between them and somehow, in her sleep, she’ll end up with her head on their shoulder or chest and her arm thrown across them. she likes being the little spoon because she’s short. if she sleeps alone, then the cats are with her, and she’s got one cat curled up against her stomach under the covers, and the other on the pillow next to her, and she’s petting both of them. if the cats can’t go where they usually do, because there’s a person there, then they tend to sleep on top of her, stretched out over her hip, or right behind her head on the pillow.

9. Could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

eh. depends. if she’s trying to avoid detection, absolutely not. if she doesn’t mind, then yeah, probably; she’ll hum to herself, she’ll talk to the cats, her shoes often click on the floor. it all depends on whether or not she wants her presence known.

Tagged by: @starweald & @urobouris, angels whom i love

Tagging: @shieldrevive / @mercyburned ( for sahar & margo ) / @kcrclrezni / @shesacred / @murdcck

#i. she had a marvelous time ruining everything. ( about )#( queue )

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heauxplesslydevoted · 5 years ago

Text

Home Again Ch. 1 (Liam x MC)

Summary: AU TRR fic. Four years ago, Kendall fled Cordonia and the love of her life. But when she’s forced to come back, she’s also forced to confront long buried feelings and painful revelations.

A/N: I’ve been toying with this plot for over a year now, and I finally got around to actually working on it. Yay me! As always, let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged, or if I missed you.

Tags: @drakewalker04 @canknot @lapisreviewsstuff @akacalliope @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @ao719 @eadanga @hopefulmoonobject @janezillow @ramseyandrys @aestheticartwriting

~v~

The water. If there was one thing Kendall missed about Cordonia, it was the gorgeous water of the Mediterranean, always warm, always blue. And the sun. There’s just something different about the warmth in her native country.

Stepping off of the private jet, she breathes in the slightly salty air. After almost 5 years of being away, Kendall isn’t sure if she’s happy to be home or not. While she did love Cordonia, she hates that she’s coming back under such awful conditions.

When her mother called yesterday and told her that her father had a heart attack, it was a no brainer for Kendall to drop everything and come back home. Her dad is her own personal Superman, she’s never known him to even have a cold, so hearing that he had a heart attack threw her for a loop.

“Kendall!”

The sound of her name being called makes Kendall whip her head around. She sees Gladys, the daughter to her estate’s majordomo poking her head out of the window of a sleek black Escalade

One of the flight attendants grabs Kendall’s luggage as she rushes towards the car. Flinging the passenger side door open, she leans in and wraps Gladys in a warm hug.

Gladys is taken aback by the huge display of affection, but she hugs Kendall back. “It’s nice to see you too, my lady.”

“What have I told you, it’s just Kendall. You don’t have to be formal with me, Gladys.”

“Very well.” Gladys turns her head and sees the flight attendant putting the last of Kendall’s luggage in the trunk. “Get in, get in.”

“I do not have to be told twice.”

The ride from the airport to the hospital in the capital was mostly silent. Kendall knows the older woman probably has questions for her. They haven’t seen each other in years, and Kendall swore she’d never step foot in this country ever again. But now she’s back. But it’s not like she’s back, back. She’s only here to see her dad through his recovery. Nothing more, nothing less.

“So how was school?” Gladys asks, breaking Kendall out of her thoughts. “Columbia right?”

The mention of her Ivy League alma mater brings a smile to Kendall’s face. “I loved it. New York is amazing, the school is amazing.”

“What are you doing now? My dad mentioned it was something to do with money, but he’s awful at explaining things.”

“Financial analyst.”

“Do you work on that fancy street? The one with all the walls of money?”

“Wall Street,” Kendall corrects with a chuckle. “And yes. But it’s not literally made with walls of money, Gladys. Just lots and lots of tall buildings.”

“Do you have a big office?”

“I have a cubicle. It’s not fancy, but it gets the job done.”

They spend the rest of the car ride in silence. Kendall can’t bring herself to care about the usual court gossip right now, her mind focused solely on her dad.

They make it to the hospital fairly quickly and Kendall barely remembers talking to someone at the nurse’s station before rushing off again to find her father’s hospital room.

She isn’t sure what she was expecting to see, but she definitely didn’t anticipate so many wires and machines. Her father is always so...strong and commanding, but in this moment, Stephen Mason looks incredibly frail. And her poor mother, Victoria, looks equally exhausted, hunched over his bed, their hands clasped together.

Stephen notices her first, and a smile slowly creeps onto his face. “Victoria, did you really call our daughter and tell her to come home?”

“Thank God she did,” Kendall says fully entering the hospital room.

“I’m fine. You could’ve stayed in New York.”

“You had a heart attack, dad.”

Stephen dismisses the statement with a flick of his wrist. “It was minor.”

Kendall ignores him and wraps her arms tightly around him. Tears prick the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. She tries to relax, breathing in her dad’s scent. He’s alive, he’s here. She can breathe.

Stephen rubs a comforting hand up and down Kendall’s arm. “Don’t cry. I’m fine, sweetheart.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. My doctor said I was very blessed. I didn’t even need surgery.”

Kendall takes a shuddering breath and wipes her eyes. “So what caused this? When are you getting out of here? What’s your treatment plan? Do you have to do physical therapy?”

Stephen chuckles and turns to his wife. “She burns through a lot of topics, really fast. She gets that from you.”

“Oh, hush. For now, he’s going to have to take aspirin daily,” Victoria explains. “And we’re meeting with a nutritionist and physical therapist in order to get a diet and exercise plan.”

“Good.” Kendall visibly relaxes at her mother’s words.

“They hope to discharge me the day after tomorrow,” Stephen adds. “All of my tests and bloodwork have come back good so far.”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you go home sweetheart?” Stephen suggests. “It’s your first time back home in a really long time, I’m sure there are more interesting things you can be doing other than staring at me.”

“I’m fine.” Kendall can’t leave, not yet. She hasn’t even met his doctor. Despite his words, she won’t feel at ease until she knows without a doubt that he’s going to be okay. His words are comforting, but they aren’t enough.

“I had to send your brother away,” Stephen says. “He was hovering as well, but he actually listened to me and went back to the estate.”

Kendall’s younger brother Zachary was always the more obedient child.

“That’s nice for Zach, but I’m staying with you for now.” Kendall sits down in an uncomfortable chair adjacent to her dad’s bed. “So stop trying to get rid of me.”

“Very well. But no hospital talk. Tell me how work has been.”

The three of them get wrapped up in a pleasant conversation about Kendall’s job, with her sharing funny office anecdotes and complaining about her least favorite coworkers.

She also gets to meet her dad’s cardiologist, Dr. Locke. He’s a nice, older guy and he doesn’t bat an eyelash when she grills him on his credentials and qualifications. Kendall isn’t the first overly concerned family member he’s encountered during his career and she won’t be the last.

“Ms. Mason, your father is doing incredibly well, and I expect him to make a full recovery.”

“About how long is the recovery process?”

“It depends on the patient, but your father is due for a follow-up in a few weeks. We’ll assess his progress then.”

“How long until I can go back to work?” Stephen asks.

“Oh you won’t be touching work for at least 2 months,” Dr. Locke replies seriously. “Work is inherently stressful, Mr. Mason, and stress isn’t good for you.”

“I’ll make sure he relaxes,” Victoria says, affectionately squeezing her husband’s hand. “I promise.”

“Good.” The Doctor checks the time on his watch. “A nurse should be coming in a few minutes to check your vitals, but it’s time for you to get some much needed rest.”

“Only if you kick this one out,” Stephen says, pointing to Kendall. “I won’t be able to relax with her here.”

“Dad! You can’t just kick me out.”

“Go home,” Stephen orders. “Get some rest, call one of your friends, I don’t care, but you cannot stay here and stare at me until I fall asleep.”

Dr. Locke’s eyes shift back and forth between the father and daughter. “Miss, if your father wants you to leave, then you have to leave.”

Kendall glares at her father, shocked that he has the audacity to remove her from his hospital room. “Fine. But I’m coming back tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you then, sweetheart.”

She huffs and collects her belongings. After kissing her parents goodbye, she steps out into the bustling hallway, trying to stay out of the way of the nurses, doctors, and patients. Once she’s out of the way, Kendall grabs her phone and scrolls through the contacts before finding the number she was looking for.

“Kendall, what a pleasant surprise.”

“I’m in town,” Kendall says, cutting straight to the chase. “And I need a drink.”

“Beer garden?”

“I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

~v~

King Liam strides down the hall to his study, a folder full of notes and documents in hand as Bastien trails closely behind. He has a meeting to attend to discuss the budget for Cordonia’s upcoming fiscal year.

Instead of seeing the Chancellor of Finance upon entering his study, he sees his father.

The visit catches him off guard. “Father! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? I’m supposed to be meeting with Stephen in a few minutes.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Constantine says. He walks over to Liam’s drink cart and surveys the decanters of various alcohols. He settles on a vintage scotch and pours himself a glass. “You won’t be meeting with Stephen today.”

“It’s unlike him to cancel a meeting, especially one as important as this. Is he okay?”

“Victoria called Regina a little while ago. He had a heart attack last night.”

The admission shocks Liam. “Oh my goodness, is he okay? Is he…”

“He’s alive and stable. But he’s going to be out of commission for a while while he’s recovering. I told her that Stephen can take as much time as he needs, we will manage without him.”

Liam nods. His father and Stephen Mason were good friends, and it’s been that way since they were kids. It was part of the reason he and Kendall grew so close. Back when things were good between them, at least.

“Of course, he can take all the time he needs. How is everyone else holding up?”

“Victoria seemed to be in decent spirits when Regina spoke with her. She said Zachary was with them earlier.”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek. His mind can’t help but wander to her. “Any mention of Kendall? Does she know?”

“Victoria didn’t say, nor did Regina ask.” The parents made a point to never bring their children up in conversation. It’s a lot easier to simply pretend the elephant in the room doesn’t exist. “I assume she knows. She adores her father. He adores her as well.”

Liam snorts in derision. “Trust me, I know.”

Constantine quirks an eyebrow up in confusion. Snark isn’t usually his son’s forte, especially over Lady Kendall.

“I told Regina that I’d pass along the news. Please send a gift basket or flowers to their estate, on behalf of the family.”

“Of course.”

Constantine finishes his drink in one large sip. He sighs and puts down his glass. “And buy better scotch.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Goodbye, Father.”

Constantine chuckles to himself and exits his son’s study. Liam sits down at his desk and rummages through his pockets until he finds his cell phone.

He finds Drake’s contact and clicks it. After a few seconds, his best friend answers.

“What’s up, Li?”

“Nothing. I had a meeting scheduled, but it was cancelled, so I have no plans for the evening.”

“Max and I were thinking about heading to the beer garden for the evening. Are you in?”

“Of course. I’m not turning down an opportunity to drink.”

~v~

“Cheers!” Kendall clinks glasses with Olivia and downs her drink.

The red headed Duchess watches her friend, a bemused look on her face. “Slow down, Mason, that’s your fourth beer.”

“What, are you afraid I’m going to drink you under the table?”

“Of course not. But we don’t need you getting absolutely shitfaced.” Olivia turns to the bartender and hands him a $50 dollar bill. “She’s switching to water.”

“You’re not being fun.”

“One of us has to be practical, you lush.” Olivia takes the bottle of water left by the bartender and slides it towards Kendall. “Drink up.”

Kendall stares at her friend, locked in a silent battle. Both women are stubborn to a fault, neither wanting to back down from a challenge. Olivia glares back, her emerald green eyes fixed squarely on the woman in front of her.

After a long while, Kendall relents and reluctantly opens the bottle of water, taking a tiny sip. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Olivia hops off of her barstool and grabs Kendall by the arm. “Let’s sit somewhere else. We have some talking to do.”

Kendall allows herself to be dragged over to a table tucked in a far corner of the garden. It’s pretty quiet, with most of the patrons wanting to stick towards the middle of the space or close to the bar.

She looks around. It’s been so long since she’s seen the beer garden, and everything looks and feels exactly the same. Flowers still bloom all around, dainty lights hang from every surface of the room, giving off a calm and romantic vibe. Memories of happier times visiting this establishment flood her mind, but she shakes them away.

“How’s your dad doing?” Olivia asks, cutting straight to the chase.

“He’s...okay, I guess. Things could be better, but they could definitely be worse, so,” Kendall shrugs, “I don’t know. He’s alive and coherent. That’s all I can ask for at this point.”

“Your dad is a tough guy. He’ll be just fine.”

“When I got the call last night that he was rushed to the hospital, I panicked,” Kendall says. “My mom chartered a jet for me, thank goodness because there’s no way I would’ve been able to sit in the airport. I was so frazzled, I didn’t even call my job until I saw flying over Spain.”

“Do you like that job of yours?”

“Of course I do.”

“How long are you going to be in Cordonia?”

Kendall shrugs. “For as long as I can milk my job for family medical leave.”

“You should just come back,” Olivia suggests, circling the rim of her glass with a perfectly manicured finger. “Hana’s been in Shanghai for the past month, and you’re the only other girl I like. Well, besides Gabriella.”

“Who’s Gabriella?”

“I forgot you don’t keep up with the court anymore. Gabriella is Maxwell’s girlfriend.”

Kendall’s mouth drops in shock. “Maxwell? Maxwell Beaumont?”

“Yeah, I think you’d really like her. She’s just so...nice.”

“Is she a noble?”

“No, she’s a veterinarian assistant. They hooked up after an incident with one of the Beaumont peacocks. That was a few months ago, and they’ve been together ever since.”

“How cute,” Kendall coos. “But to circle back to your little suggestion, the answer is no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like New York. I like living there.”

“I gave you a pass when you first left because you were going to school. But you graduated, it’s time to come home.”

“You can use your authoritative duchess voice on everyone else, but it won’t work with me, Nevrakis.”

“I think you’re wasting your potential in the States,” Olivia admits. “Do you know who your father is? His name, along with your degree, could get you a job in any financial sector in this country.”

“Trust me, I know.” The last thing Kendall wants to do is rely on nepotism in order to secure a job. “I don’t want him to make things happen for me, I can do it on my own. I love New York, I love my job. Stop trying to convince me to leave.”

Olivia pouts childishly. “But you’re staying for a while, right?”

“At least 2 months,” Kendall admits.

“Good.” She goes silent for a while, pondering if she should even bring this up. “You’re going to run into him eventually, you know.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

“Oh really?”

“I figured between the hospital, my dad’s physical therapy appointments, and taking care of him, I won’t even be getting out of the house much.”

“I don’t know if you're naive or delusional,” Olivia says with a snort. “Maybe both.”

“Look, I’m only back because of my dad. This isn’t a happy, social visit. Outings like this,” Kendall gestures to their surroundings, “are not going to be an everyday thing. Besides, I’m sure Liam will be busy doing princely things.”

“Technically kingly things.”

Kendall lifts her water bottle to her lips again. “Excuse me?”

“Liam’s the king now.” Olivia grimaces as Kendall spits the water out of her mouth. “Ew.”

“He’s king? Since when?”

“Leo abdicated last year. Literally left in the middle of the night and never looked back. Liam got crowned at the top of this year.”

To say the news shocks her would be an understatement. Kendall always knew Leo was flighty and impulsive, but this was an entirely new beast. “Wow.”

“Liam’s taken it in stride for the most part, but he refused to have a social season and pick a bride, much to Constantine’s dismay and he hasn’t spoken to Leo in months. The transition has been a bit...tough for him. Obviously he loves this country, but no one truly understands the weight of the crown, especially one that wasn’t made for you and that’s been shoved onto your head.”

Kendall doesn’t say anything else, trying to absorb all of the information given to her. Never in a million years did she ever think Liam would be the one running this country.

Olivia gauges her friend’s reaction to the news. She’s usually extremely stoic when it comes to Liam, shutting down the conversation when he’s mentioned or refusing to engage in anything about him at all. This is the most Kendall has spoken of him in years, it almost feels like a miracle that she doesn’t want to disrupt.

Kendall clears her throat awkwardly. “Can we please order another round?”

“One more, Mason. Then I’m cutting you off for–” Olivia abruptly stops talking as she sees Maxwell, Drake, and Liam enter the garden.

“You can’t cut me off,” Kendall says, not noticing Olivia’s shift in tone. “You aren’t the–”

A loud gasp cuts into Kendall’s sentence. “Mason!?”

Kendall’s head whips around and she sees the trio of guys heading over. Maxwell and Drake have broad grins on their faces, but not Liam. He looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

His heart hammers in his chest as he looks at her. It’s...crazy how many memories come flooding back to him. They all slam into him like a ton of bricks, one after the next.

“Liam!” 18 year old Kendall squeals as Liam buries his face in the crook of her neck, kissing her. “Liam, you’re distracting me.”

“You smell good,” Liam murmurs into her skin. She smells like coconuts. “You always smell so good.”

“Thank you. But you’re supposed to be helping me study! I have a test tomorrow for my government class.”

“Is that the only reason I’m here?” Liam pulls away from Kendall and smirks at her.

“Obviously,” Kendall teases. “What good is dating a prince if I can’t use him to help me ace my exams?”

Liam feigns shock, jumping away from Kendall. He wraps a hand around her ankle and tugs it hard, sending her flying forward. Her head flies back, hitting the pile of pillows she has neatly placed on her bed. She laughs at the action, a laugh that makes Liam’s heart still thud wildly in his chest, 3 years into dating her.

“Take it back,” Liam orders. Kendall kicks at him, but he jumps back, narrowly dodging her foot.

“Make me.”

The challenge causes Liam’s eyes to darken, mischief sparkling in their pretty blue depths. In one quick stride, he’s towering over Kendall, his arms braced at either of her sides. “You’re not with me because you can use it to your advantage.”

“Prove it, mister.”

“You’re with me because I make you laugh,” Liam says, leaning closer to his girlfriend. He kisses the tip of her nose. “Because I know how to make you smile after a long day.” He kisses the apples of her cheeks next. “Because I know you better than you know yourself. Because I’m your best friend, even though Olivia would murder me if I said that in her presence,”

Liam pounces onto the bed, his knees replacing his arms and barricading Kendall underneath him. His hands go up to cradle her face, touching her with care as if she were a piece of fine art.

“You want to know why I’m really with you?” Kendall asks rhetorically.

“Enlighten me, Lady Kendall.”

She turns her head slightly and kisses the inside of his arm. “Because I am absolutely, positively, head over heels in love with you, Prince Charming.”

Liam knows this. He and Kendall have never been shy when it comes to expressing their love for one another, but every time she says she loves him, it feels like the first time all over again. A wide grin breaks out on his face, something so bright and uninhibited, something reserved solely for her. “And I love you, Kendall. More than anything else in the world.”

Liam is pulled from the memory when he sees Kendall get out of her seat to greet Maxwell, her arms wrapping around his neck as they meet in a ferocious hug.

Maxwell kisses the side of her head. “I’ve missed you, my little blossom!”

“I missed you too, Max.”

“Is New York treating you well?”

“Yes. You guys need to come visit me again. I’ll take you to all the cool spots.” Kendall turns her attention to Drake next. “There’s a whiskey bar in Brooklyn that you would absolutely adore.”

“Is it better than the one in Manhattan?”

“Much.”

“Mason, you’re talking my language.”

“What are you doing out here?” Maxwell asks.

“It’s my dad,” Kendall says, sobering up instantly as she remembers the reason why she’s here. “He had a heart attack.” She sees the looks of panic flash across Drake and Maxwell’s faces. “He’s going to be okay, his doctors are optimistic.”

Maxwell nods. “Damn right he is. Stephen is going to bounce back better than ever.”

“If he stays on course, he’ll be released in a few days,” Kendall continues. “So I have a lot to get done within the next 36 hours.”

“Do you need any help?” Drake asks.

“No. I think I’ll call a cleaning service in the morning to make sure the estate is spotless. And once he meets with a nutritionist, I have to go grocery shopping. But for now, I’m okay. Thanks for the offer.”

Maxwell affectionately squeezes Kendall’s hand. “Don’t hesitate to reach out, Kenny, with whatever.”

Kendall’s eyes briefly flicker over to Liam. He’s still standing there, as still as a statue, and she looks away before he notices her. But she feels his blue eyes, burning a hole into the side of her head.

She feels dizzy, and she isn’t sure if it’s from being in such close proximity to him or the amount of alcohol she’s consumed.

Because while Liam can look at her and remember the good times, the sight of him is quickly unraveling her.

The night of their breakup is still so fresh in her mind, her senses overwhelmed by the memory.

Her heart thuds so loudly in her chest, she can feel it in her ears.

She can still recall the taste of the salty tears flowing freely from her eyes as she cried. She remembers the soreness, the way the muscles in her back and shoulders ached after she was wracked with uncontrollable sobs.

“Please, Liam!” The unrecognizable desperation in her voice rattles her as she drops to her knees in front of Liam. Who is she? “Forget about New York, forget about Columbia! I don’t need to go. I just need you, I want you. I’ll stay. I’ll stay and we’ll be together.”

Liam frowns sadly. “I can’t be the reason you stay. I need to let you go.”

“No! Don’t do this to us.”

Her breath hitches in her throat at the memory. It was the worst day of her life, and she’s tried for 4 long years to bury the memories and forget them entirely. But one look at Liam and she’s back to square one. In an instant, she’s that 18 years old girl again, the one that was hopelessly in love with him and got her heart annihilated in turn.

She turns to Olivia. “I think I should finally head home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m tired.” It’s not a lie. Kendall is exhausted and it’s a decent enough excuse. But the gang knows better, they know her desire to flee is due to the monarch standing next to them.

“Are you good to drive?” Olivia questions.

“I’ll call Gladys or Zach to come pick me up.” Kendall grabs her purse and rifles through it with shaky fingers, looking for any random bills. “How much do I owe you?”

Olivia shakes her head. “Don’t worry about the tab, it’s my treat.”

“Thank you. I’ll call you when I get home, okay?”

“You better.”

Kendall turns to Maxwell and Drake. She plasters on a smile, one that’s rehearsed and doesn’t reach her eyes. “It was nice seeing you two again.”

The dig at the king’s expense doesn’t go unnoticed. Kendall treats him like he isn’t there, blatantly refusing to acknowledge his existence.

She gives them one last smile and wave, making her way out. “Goodnight guys.”

Kendall’s going to have to pass Liam in order to reach the exit, so he decides that now might be the only time he can talk to her. “Kendall, wait!”

He lightly grabs her arm, stopping her from leaving and that’s when things go south. Before he can react, Kendall turns around and catches his wrist between her fingers, twisting his entire arm at an awkward angle.

A pain shoots up his arm and he winces in spite of himself. Bastien, who had been keeping a respectful distance, strides over to the table, ready to diffuse the situation. “Unhand him at once, Lady Kendall.”

“Touch me again, and I swear I’ll break it,” Kendall hisses fiercely. She turns to Bastien. “That wasn’t a threat, it was a promise.”

“Let him go,” Bastien commands. He doesn’t want to escalate the situation by any means, but he can’t let the king get hurt, even if his ex is the one inflicting the wound.

Kendall drops Liam’s hand and he instantly goes to cradle it. When did she learn that move?

Without another word, she stalks off, not sparing another glance at her friends or the other patrons of the establishment who saw the incident.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” Bastien asks, surveying Liam’s wrist.

“I’m fine. She didn’t actually break anything.”

“Everyone here will be signing a non disclosure agreement,” Bastien continues. It doesn’t need to get out that that king’s ex-girlfriend nearly broke his wrist for all of the public to see. He says something into his earpiece about closing the garden down for a few minutes, but Liam’s not listening anymore.

The young monarch turns to the scarlet haired duchess sitting a few feet away from him. He narrows his eyes at her. “Pray tell, when were you going to mention that Kendall was back in town?”

Olivia grins like a Cheshire Cat and raises her glass at the question. “Surprise!”

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the royal romance #the royal heir #king liam #king liam x mc #pixelberry

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