#at 7 it could’ve been 1pm

[agendermetalbender]

IT’S EIGHT PM WHY IS THE SUN STILL VISIBLE

[bad-days-are-ok]

Brain dump

January 12, 2021

Alright another brain dump I’m feeling alright this morning I don’t feel bad I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for all that I got done yesterday. I got the floor cleaned up and even vacuumed it and cleaned the carpets. My room is looking a lot better it was getting pretty cluddered with all the clothes on the floor today I’m gonna work on the laundry and putting my clothes away. Donating anything I don’t want anymore while I’m at it. I’m cuddling with my girlfriend right now before she has to get ready for work which is pretty nice. It’s been alright so far with all of us working I miss them and it hasn’t been the easiest to plan date nights because usually we’re all pretty tired. Also weird thing I’m still on my period and it’s been a week now?? My periods have never lasted this long before and I mean I’m sure my cycles just out of whack because I got back on my birth control but I guess if it doesn’t stop in a few days I’ll make a doctors appointment. Normally my periods last 3-4 days so going on 7 is like really weird for me. I’m sure I’m fine though. I didn’t get my step goal yesterday I could’ve definitely put more effort into moving my body but I hadn’t expected to be so tired so early and I totally knocked out before me and my boo thangs could workout for the night but it’s alright I’ll just be extra mindful today to get it. It’s only 6,000 steps so I can do that. If I get 42,000 steps for the whole week I think I’m gonna buy myself another game for my switch or even a scented candle for my room or just something nice that I’ve been wanting. I’ve been using different habit apps to help establish a routine for myself. I’m using Fabulous and now I’m trying this one called Habio. I’m trying to actually implement the stuff they recommend to do. So they said to give myself an immediate reward after completing one of my habits and then to make a reward I have to work for so that’s what I’m doing. If I want a new game on my switch I gotta get 42,000 steps this week. I have therapy later today at 1pm I’m not 100% sure what I’m gonna talk about but I’ll figure it out. Nothing really bad has been going on recently just working and being home with my family and boyfriend and girlfriend so it’s been chill I feel like I’ve just been trying to get to know myself more recently. Alright Timers done! I hope you all have a lovely day today. Be safe and don’t forget to be kind to one another!! 🥰

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 15: Why Do We Live? Just To Suffer?!

Beizu and I didn’t waste any time trying to escape for the weekend! It was our weekend! We agreed to go to our parent’s homes and hang out from there. I get home and nobody was there as expected. Saturdays are hang out days for the kids and short work days for mom and dad. I slam myself onto my bed, as I missed sleeping on my very comfy mattress. The dorm beds SUCK! I get coffee from the kitchen after a while and floated around.

“Hey Muffins, update me on the household since the last time I was here” I called out to the resting robo on the couch.

“It’s been 115 days since you’ve last been home, there’s been 4 fires and 7 gatherings at the house.” the robo listed “20 pictures has been added to the family virtual library. Mom didn’t celebrate her birthday. There’s been 2 lockdowns at the house, Tensei went to debate nationals in March, Hanaka got suspended from school that same week. Lili has video called every night for the past 2 months. And that’s up to date.”

“Only 4 fires? Huh” I took a sip of my coffee “Thank you for the update, whats the ETA for anybody?”

“Hanaka and Dad are due to come back from the doctors at 1pm”

“Doctors?” I whispered to myself “She never gets sick, hope she’s okay.”

It may not be obvious, but Hanaka used to latch onto me when she was a baby. She’d cry when I don’t acknowledge her before I leave the house and set my sweater sleeves on fire if I don’t hold her right away. She’s very much the little, bratty sister type but I still worry. She depends a lot on family support because of her fire quirk, it makes it very hard to live a normal life. Wonder if that’s the cause? I wait around and see them come through the door but it feels so off. Hanaka goes straight to her room in silence, ignoring the fact that I’m in sight.

“Hello Iwata, how was your trip home?” Dad said once Hanaka was in her room.

“It was fine but what’s up with her?” 

Dad sighed “She had an episode where she couldn’t control her fire. Nobody got hurt but it happened at school and the school made it a big deal out of it, calling her a delinquent.”

“So what’s the diagnosis?” I asked, processing what dad told me.

“Anxiety trigger, the mix of her quirk and puberty hormones are making her unstable” Dad sets down his keys to wipe his glasses “I really don’t know what to do. And I’m scared its going to be like when your mom gets unstable.”

“Wait, mom gets unstable?” that was news to me. I know of mom losing her temper when she was younger but getting unstable?!

Dad nodded and put his glasses back on “It happens when she overworks and stresses out. Once I triggered the breaking point and I got hit by her psych-blast. If your uncle Jin didn’t set up the robo to sedate her at the right moment, she could’ve died.”

I looked toward the top of the stairs “Well you’ve dealt with mom’s and mine anxiety things, how is this any different?”

“You and your mom have the same quirk and therapy has helped you two” dad started “Your sister doesn’t have the same quirk to body part association. How do you contain a fire that water doesn’t douse nor can be snuffed out? I want to help, I know how much she wants to live a normal life.”

“Leave it to me then” I said confidently “Lili isn’t here to do a girl talk, but I’m here to do a big brother support conversation! Maybe I’ll break through to her, who knows?”

“If you feel like it will help” Dad smiled “then go and talk to her. I’ll be down here making lunch.”

I make my way to the girls room. Before I could even knock, I heard her deep and heavy sobs. It was unsettling as I’ve never heard her sob like this. I knock on the door.

“Can I come in?”

“No”

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna talk about things!”

“I don’t wanna talk” I shake my bag of snacks “I just wanna share cheetos with my little sister.”

“...what kind of cheetos?”

“Hot con límon.”

“...okay you may enter.”

I open the door to see Hanaka in a blanket burrito, mouth and nose peeking out. Trying not to laugh at the sight, I sit next to her bed on the floor and open the bag of cheetos. I float them between us so she could get some without reaching too far. We just sat there in silence for a while until she spoke up.

“Iwa, do you think I’m a bad person?”

I look over to see her face peeking out “No.”

“Do you think anybody would love me? Romantically?”

Oh its that kind of conversation “I believe there’s somebody for everybody.”

“It’s just that, I confessed to somebody and they said so many mean things” her lips started to quiver “Like I’m weird looking, my quirks are weird, that my fire quirk makes it so it burns to hold my hand and who would want to love me if they can’t hold my hand.”

“Well that’s rude! They should’ve just said no and be on their way!” I never wanted to punch a child so much in my life.

“What was worse was that all his friends were there to laugh at me and it attracted more kids to poke fun at me” Hanaka got teary eyed “And I just couldn’t take it, I got all shakey and just combusted into flames. The flames were strong enough to set the play yard on fire. Nobody got hurt but it was still scary.”

“Nobody helped you afterwards?”

“Tensei, Petti and Kyanka covered me until a teacher came” she wiped her tears with the blanket “But I caused so much trouble and it really upset the people in the office. They called me a bad kid and that it wouldn’t surprise them if I became a villain.”

Oh hell no, that school is on my hit list for saying something like that to a child! “Fuck that school! You know what Hanaka, you’re not a bad kid, okay? And you are capable of love and people love you back, do you think Tensei and your friends would do that if they didn’t love you?”

Hanaka sniffed “No...”

“Would you do the same for them if their quirk got out of hand?”

“Yeah! Of course I would!” she responded passionately “I’m their best friend, and friends don’t let friends do things alone!”

“See?! You’re not a bad kid, you love your friends and family” I encouraged her “You can worry about romantic love later, the one will come around soon enough. Right now just focus on school work and being a good friend.”

Hanaka loosened the grip she had on the blanket so it unfurled around her “I guess that does make me feel a bit better” she brought her knees up to her chest “But now I don’t even know if I’m going back to that school. Mommy got really upset like you did at the school office that she’s fighting with the school officials.”

“Wow, good on mom to stand up for you!” I gave props “I’d do the same. But lets not worry about that and trust in mom to make the right move. So, lets change the subject! What’s new?”

Hanaka blew her nose and disposed of her now highly flammable tissue “Uhhh, I made a new friend. Which so happens to be the daughter of one of mom and dad’s hero classmates.”

“Oh that’s tea, who?!” I was intrigued by that second part.

“Her dad is ‘Can’t Stop Twinkling’ the Sparkling Hero” she explained “She was the new girl at school this year and she’s just like me and the girls!”

Her usual giddy self came back, warming my heart “And what’s that?”

“We hate our hero dads, love shopping and wanna be goth” she grabbed her phone to show me her lock screen “See? That’s us right before that juice stand behind us caught on fire.”

“Did you-”

“I don’t think I was responsible for that fire” she clarified “We booked it just in case anyone wanted to pin it on me. BUT look at us!”

I squint at the lock screen picture “There’s glare on your friend’s face.”

“That’s her quirk, don’t be rude!” she scolded me “She’s so luminescent that it hurts to look at her sometimes, and in pictures she’s always glared out. But we put her next to Petti in pictures to offset the light and take a decent one.”

“I’m glad you made a new friend! Has she been to the house?”

“Yup, she’s not yet used to the spicy food we eat though” Hanaka stifled a giggle “Her dad says that she was born and raised in France. He brought her over here because the schools in Japan are better and the hero work is abundant.”

“Can’t wait to meet them”

“Lets see during graduation season” she started then her phone pinged “Oop that’s the group chat, they’re sending their concern memes.”

Before I could take a peek at her phone, Tensei busts in. Which was weird because he ALWAYS knocks.

“Rosa! Okay, okay, okay” he said quickly before calming down a little “I did...a thing...wait- Iwa? When did you get home?”

“I got here late morning but whats the haps lil bro?” I asked “You look like you landed in a trash heap.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that happened” he said closing the door behind him and locking it “But back to the thing I did. PLEASE don’t tell mom and dad! Because I’m still very fresh from the thing I did and I’m still processing it.”

“Okay just spill it” Hanaka was getting annoyed “You keep saying thing like you don’t know other words! What thing did you do on your sleep over with the boys?”

“This” he lifted his shirt up to his chest, revealing a belly button piercing.

I was shocked, so shocked that I dropped the bag of cheetos that I was floating. Tensei is this good boy image with a punk-like personality. To see this rebellious side to him made me proud in a way. He looks the most like our dad but with a darker skin tone, so I guess this is his baby step into his true self. Hanaka was so shocked that the waste basket contents caught on fire.

“What the- where in Japan did you go to get pierced?” Hanaka asked genuinely “Those jewelry places don’t let you get one without adult permission if you’re under 16.”

“Don’t get mad, but one of my band members has a cousin that’s a tattoo artist and does piercings at the place they work at” Tensei started to get red faced “Sooo I showed him that I could fix his little barbel piercings for free when the boys and I walked into his shop for fun... And he gave me this as payment.”

“Tensei! You got this i l l e g a l l y?!” I harshly whispered “Why did you agree to it?”

“Yeah! It’s not like you to do those things” Hanaka scowled in concern “What’s gotten into you lately? Ever since you came back from Nationals, you’ve been acting different.”

Tensei pulled down his shirt and sighed “I’m sick of being praised of being as good and law abiding like dad. I’m nothing like him inside! I’m not some capri-wearing rectangle!” he huffed “I’m way cooler, smarter and talented then people give me credit for. I don’t need the signature quirk to make my way in this world! And I wanna change my image so people take me seriously...no more orderly Tensei, I wanna be anarchist Oro!”

Hanaka narrowed her eyes, like she was shooting needles into her twin’s soul “Is this because you lost and can’t accept the L?”

Tensei turned red and scrunched his nose “No! I’ve already grieved over that and took and L” he crossed his arms “Nationals was just a tiny part of the whole reason.”

“What?” I was lost in this timeline of events.

Hanaka leaned over to me and whispered “Tensei cost his team majorly on all his debates. So bad that the team barred him from going to more debates this season and has to prove himself all over again to get back in the top 3 teams at school.”

“Oof that’s some sad boi shit” I winced at the recap “It’s okay to still not be over that L, you don’t have to spiral like this.”

“Well it’s too late, I got the damn piercing already and planned the next one” Tensei took a deep breath “I’ve been wanting this for a while, to just rebrand and have respect as my own identity. Not some clone of my father or just be the ‘other’ Iida twin. But until I take the next few steps, please don’t tell our parents about this. I want to tell them myself when the time comes.”

“Okay sure” Hanaka and I agreed.

Tensei turned to open the door “Thanks guys, it means a lot to me that you support me.”

Man, things are getting crazy here! My sweet parents have to deal with this shit on their own and they deserve a vacation or the Nobel peace prize for being the most supportive during life disasters. Seriously! I didn’t see mom until the evening, she looked a little run down but I really wanted to talk to her.

“Hey mom” I announced myself as I entered the living room.

“Iwata! I’ve missed you so much” Mom said as she used her quirk to pull me in for a tight hug “You’re getting so big, I can hardly wrap my arms around you!”

“Missed you too” I hugged her back “I just really miss being home.”

“I bet, heard you did phenomenal at the last practice test” she smiled and caressed my face with her hand “Just like your mama back in the day. I’m so proud of you for using the good old distraction card! That’s what I was well known for, wildcard and distractions.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about” I sat up straight “I don’t know how things are going to get for the Labyrinth practice test. You took the practice and the evaluated one, what’s the winning combo?”

“What? hahaha” Mom laughed for a moment “There really isn’t a ‘winning combo’, just being well versed in fighting techniques. That’s where your uncle Jin didn’t get to the mid-point, he’s a genius and has good speed BUT he lacks impulsive/on the fly thinking. Everything has to be calculated to the T for him and if too many things has gone wrong in his thought out strategy, those seconds he takes thinking of a new plan can be the death of him.” She sighed into another chuckle “And your aunty Mimi! Boy, she’s an amazing weapons user and she NEVER misses. But in the exam, she didn’t make it past the 3rd stage because the stand off was with someone that erases quirks. She depended too much on her quirk for her gun wielding and she got out because of it.”

“So you did the opposite?”

“I used my critical thinking to get me though all the stages. The place were I used my quirks the most were at the end to win the fight with the mock villain” she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling “The rigorous training I did for basically a year got me to the point of not depending on my quirks until the very last resort. Remember Iwata, just because we can do anything without lifting a finger doesn’t mean we should ignore how able bodied we are. So I suggest do some more strength and endurance OH and you might need to do some breathing training too! Never know if you need to hold your breath for a certain amount of time.”

“That’s a lot to train on, kinda makes me feel like I didn’t do enough” I got self-conscience “I wanna do good in this one! Not because I want to make you proud, but for myself. Maybe passing this will spark something in me that’ll give me an idea about my destiny.”

“Oh sweet child of mine” Mom looked over to me lovingly “This test won’t give you any ideas on anything, trust me. Both times I had to go into intensive care to make sure I didn’t rupture my vial organs, thats how hard I went in. Just give it your all and just ride the wave that comes next.”

“Did you think you’d pass?”

Mom snickered “Nope! The second time was easier by a little bit but I just keep telling myself ‘whatever happens, happens’. I didn’t think passing would lead me to the agent position I’m at today! Same how I didn’t think that giving the class a cookie would lead to finding the love of my life. So don’t let the ‘what ifs’ rule your self-worth, life has a way of surprising you at the very last second.”

That made me feel better about things. I’m glad I decided to go home this weekend, because I know what to do now. 

-The next day, At Beizu’s house-

“...you still have this?” I said to Beizu as I was rummaging through his closet.

“Wha- oh that thing! Yea” he responded “You were my only friend in elementary school, so that graduation picture meant a lot to me.”

“Really? That’s why it’s framed” I looked closely at the picture of us holding hands “We look busted with all those missing teeth!”

“Don’t act like you didn’t cry every time you lost one” Beizu retorted back “Besides, it holds something more special to me...it was when I realized I loved you.”

I counted the years in my head “...damn, almost 6 years ago! Why so long?”

“I didn’t know if these were romantic feelings or not. And you did your own thing in middle school with band” he sighed and sat on the bed “I felt a little left behind and I tried really hard to stay in your interest. I wanted you to tell me I was yours, I didn’t care if that meant friend or lover” he turned red “It sounds silly now, but I was happy if you just said good morning or spent lunch with me.”

“Bei, you were always in my interest” I floated over to him “Nobody understood me like you did. You were never anything less than my best friend and it took some eye opening to see that we were basically lovers anyways.” I put my arm around his shoulders “Are you happy that we’ll basically wake up next to each other for the rest of our lives?”

“Are you kidding me?! It’s my dream come true!”

“Great! Just making sure” I kissed him bashfully “because I was getting ahead of myself and looking into apartments in Taito. We’ll be able to move in once I get possession of my inheritance money.”

“I don’t care if I have to wait until I’m on my death bed” he tackled me onto the bed “As long as I’m with you, anywhere is home.”

How everything was coming together nicely for us after UA. In between training and schoolwork, we looked at apartments online. Everyone was envious of us having things set afterwards, but to be honest, we only have an idea of things! We don’t know where exactly we’re going to work nor where to settle. It’s a bit bold to think our parents will give us work when we graduate. But I’m following my mom’s advice and just ‘riding the wave’ of what comes next.

-Fast forward, Mid October-

Beizu, Gee and I take advantage of the half-day of school by filling it with training in the disaster practice gym.

“Huh? The door is unlocked?” Gee said as she checked the door, key in hand “Did we come on the wrong day?”

“No, we have today reserved for us” Beizu pointed to the bulletin board next to the doors “See, we’re in the right.”

We walked on in and checked for anybody that straggled from the last session. But we found three people having banter on a rock.

“Remember the days of disaster training with sensei?!” said a familiar female voice.

“Ugh! Shut up or his ghost is gonna show up and bark at us to do wall sits” said another familiar male voice.

“Rich coming from someone that shat their pants the first time they shot a gun” shaded a Russian accent.

“Mom? Aunty and Uncle?” I spoke up as we got closer “What are you doing here? Aren’t you guys supposed to be agents today?”

“We came to interrogate the administrators here and since we finished early” Aunty Mimi explained “Your mom wanted to take a trip down memory lane. Back to the days of our youth.”

“Speak for yourself! I’m still nimble to go on a tussle like I did in high school” mom flexed her arms “They called me the sparring queen during my time here. I never lost a spar and I still maintain that streak.”

Uncle Jin rolled his eyes “Just because you still train like you’re gonna go to war! Bet you’ll get folded like an omelet if you did a one on one right now.”

“Alright bet!” Mom huffed at the challenge and pointed at me “Iwata, would you be a dear and spar mommy?”

“Oh shit your mom just challenged you” Gee gasped “What are you gonna do?”

“Fuckin fight I guess!” I said with my hands in the air “Let me stretch first though.”

Mom hopped and clapped “Yay! I’ll meet you in the circle in a bit sweetie.”

“Are- are they always like that?” Gee whispered to Beizu and I when the other three were out of earshot “I didn’t know your mom, aunt and uncle were so chummy with each other, like they’re teenagers.”

Beizu groaned into a sigh “All the time! You’re used to our aunt being on sensei mode when we do weapons class, but put them in the same room and they’re one bad decision away from throwing hands.”

“Don’t get us wrong! We love seeing them having fun” I say as I do my stretches “But when we get roped in, we don’t have the means to escape! And I can’t pass this up” I stretch my sides “I’ve NEVER sparred with my mom! She’s only quirk trained me but never the punchy stuff. I really want to see if I’m on par because we have the same quirk.”

We finally walked up to the sparring circle where the agent trio were still reminiscing.

“Ready to throw down nephew?” uncle Jin hyped me up “You’re in for the fight of your life!”

“Don’t scare him!” Mom scolded before dramatically pulling off her agent office uniform to reveal her two piece training clothes “I’d be shitting my pants if I had to fight my mom too. Your hype isn’t helping Jin.”

“Woah, your mom has an amazing physique!” gasped Gee, giving my mom the look over “And with the tattoos?! I can’t even tell if she gave birth to you. Man I hope to be that hot when I’m older.”

“I like your friend there Iwata, she knows what’s good” Mom said as she walked to the middle of the circle “Come now, step into the circle and show mommy what power my little baby boy can harness.”

I blushed hard as I walked up to her “Mom don’t coddle me in front of my team! So embarrassing!”

“Oop sorry baby!” she quickly covered her mouth “Force of habit!”

“Okay rules are first one to pin the other for the ten count is the winner. No weapons and no boundaries” Jin officiated “give the arm brace and assume the position.”

“What’s the arm brace? I only know about the bowing before starting” I whispered to my mom.

“Oh here, hold out your arm” she demonstrated then griped my tricep “now grip mine... there! This is how we show respect before an agent spar.”

I looked at our arms, then into her eyes. Those were the eyes of a woman that has 5 strategies ready to go to win. Those eyes has seen it all and isn’t afraid to do it all again. Wonder if she sees the anxiety in mine? I didn’t have the time to ponder these thoughts, the spar started and she didn’t let up. Immediately I felt the sting of a slap on my face, followed by the whoosh of her movement. What scared me a bit was that the whole time is was silent. Not a single grunt and her breathing was controlled, like she was conserving her energy. She dodged all of my attacks but didn’t land a single attack on me.

“Tired?” asked Mom as I stood to catch my breath.

“I can still fight” I wiped my forehead “hit me mom!”

The smirk that spread on her face was so wicked, I regretted my life because I just played into her trap.

“As you wish mijo!” Mom bellowed as she levitated herself up, followed by pistons jutting out of her body “Nothing personal Iwata” she pointed her palm at me, piston charging with energy “Mama isn’t ready to lose.”

And like the dumb ass I am, I charged right at her with my palm piston. And at the very last second...she grabbed me by the wrist with her other hand to seismic toss me onto the ground. I felt the weight of her foot on my back and knew that I was done for. My arm was locked and I was too tired to get back up, I saw uncle Jin’s feet near me.

“...8, 9, 10!” uncle Jin finished counting down “Winner is our undefeated Queen of Spars, Agent 19!”

“See? Told you I still got it!” She picked me up like when I was child “You okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No I’m okay” I responded to ease her worried tone “But I played right into your trap! You tired me out on purpose and edged me on to strike so I could lock my dominate arm. So simple but effective!”

Mom giggled “You’re so smart! I have a wicked high stamina and my quirk is amplified the more tired I am. So either way, my enemy isn’t leaving unscathed.”

“Wow! You’re absolutely incredible Mrs Iida!” fawned Gee “What else should we study before the test?”

“Just endurance and critical thinking” Mom responded “it’s that simple really. Wish the answer was more thought provoking or full of wisdom.” She looked at her watch “Well it was fun kids but we have to head back to our office to do all that boring office agent stuff.”

“Okay, bye mom! Bye Uncle and Aunty!” I chimed as I waved.

We watched them leave via portal and we continued with our training. I take the critical thinking part more seriously knowing that my mom applied it our spar. But I really don’t know if I’m going about it right! She makes it seem so easy and I wish I was at her level of super genius, big brain strategy.

-Day of Labyrinth practice exam-

“Bei, I’m shitting myself” I say as I finish suiting up “I’m so nervous that I just might anxiety shit myself.”

“That’s not a thing Iwa and you know it” Beizu responded as he finished lacing up his boots “Everything is going to go well! Watch, we’ll all pass and without intensive care afterwards.”

“I hope you’re right” I smiled at him “kiss me good luck?”

Beizu hopped and put his arms around my neck “Okay, one kiss. Then we go in the waiting chamber.”

Sooooo, things were not going well. Gee croaked at level 3 and Beizu didn’t even make it into the doors of the 5th level! He spent too much of his energy in level 4 that he passed out on the moving platform on the way to the next level. Now it’s up to me and I tried really hard not to tire myself out. I see where Gee failed in level 3, there was fast moving projectiles and she isn’t the fastest. Everything was going alright until the 5th level, my quirk stopped working and I panicked. There was nothing in the room and the exit door was locked. I had to think fast, what would I do if my siblings locked me in a room?

“Oh? Feeling trapped?” taunted someone that came into view “You can’t leave until you defeat me! But what is a quirkless agent going to do?!”

“I don’t need quirks” I reach for my gun and cock it “You really wanna fuck with me? I’m a child, WITH A FUCKING GUN! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?!”

The person was visibly nervous “Psh! I’ve seen plenty of gun fights!” they started to fumble their words “Come on, shoot me!”

“Naw, don’t feel like shooting you” I aim at the light fixtures on the ceiling “Eat broken light bulb BITCH!”

The lights went out and the sound of broken glass hitting the ground was oddly satisfying. I check to see I could use my quirks again and surely, I started floating. Once the door beeped to signal the level cleared, I made my dash to the next level before the final level. Next level wasn’t too hard, at least not for me, I knew how to swim and hold my breath for longer than 2 minutes. That would’ve sucked for anyone that didn’t know how to swim, gotta hand it to my mom for teaching all of us how to swim when we were kids. I get to the rescue part of the final level and it was fine until the ‘villain’ showed themselves.

“Not so fast agent! You’re forgetting someone important” said the villain as they walked into view.

“Nice try villain, all 8 hostages are safe and accounted for in rescuers care” I said smugly as I raised my gun at them “Lets make this quick.”

“I think you’ll want to put your gun down” the villain revealed someone tied up in a cage “You wouldn’t want to hurt my favorite prisoner.”

“Iwata, don’t shoot...please” said the hostage weakly.

I looked at the hostage closer and it’s...mom? That didn’t seem right to me. This person sounded like her and looks like her from the face. In fact, the whole room changed too! I was under some sort of illusion quirk and I didn’t want to risk shooting something that might cost me points. So I lowered my gun and started to scheme.

“Aww you don’t want to hurt mommy?” taunted the villain “To think that the hot shot agent, grown weak and aged terribly! Do something momma’s boy! Don’t you want to be a big shot agent like mommy? Or are you just as weak as she is?!”

I get an idea “Oye mama, tengo hambre!”

“What-” whispered the villain in panic.

“Que vas a cocinar hoy? Un pozole o taquitos?” I kept going, knowing that I threw the ultimate curve ball in this plan.

“I don’t understand you sweetie” responded fake mom “I’m so weak from my fight, that I lost.”

“That’s okay mommy” I smiled calmly “Will you sing me my favorite song? You’re never too tired to sing!”

“ENOUGH!” cried out the villain “make one wrong move, and I’ll kill her!” she took out a dagger.

“Okay then, fine” I stood completely still with my hands on my hips, ready to do plan B “I won’t move then.”

The villain was super confused on my erratic actions. But it was working because they started to pull back the illusion in the room. Once I saw the door, I knew that victory was in reach.

“We can stand here all day” said the villain bringing the dagger closer to fake mom’s throat “But think about your poor mother’s health! Do you really want her death on your conscience?”

“...any second now” I warned before I gave a content smile “You underestimate me villain! I’m not my mother, I am me! And I have a secret bio-weapon that I’ve just released into the room.”

“A bio-weapon?” the villain looked around frantically “I don’t- oh my- WHAT’S THAT HORRID STENCH?!”

I look at fake mom slowly fade and I knew that I was in the clear. The villain fell to their knees and vomited.

“Eat taser WHORE!” I said right before tasering them and put them in cuffs “do more research on our family next time and maybe this would’ve been a challenge!”

“LABYRINTH PRACTICE TEST CONCLUDED, AGENT 88 HAS CLEARED AND PASSED.”

The doors opened and I walked through to see my teammates, sensei and the test proctors waiting for me at the end of the hall.

“That was amazing!” cried out Gee “We saw everything on the proctor’s panels. How did you know that wasn’t your mom?”

“The person in the cage looked like my mom from the face but my mom is more petite,” I took my visor off “The one in the cage looked taller and didn’t have the big butt and thighs like my mom has.”

“Yo that spanish speaking was the biggest wildcard!” Beizu complimented “You knew that the villain had to break at that vital detail that they didn’t know. And that last line, chef’s kiss.”

“Aw shucks guys, I’m latino and can’t help but to be dramatic about it” I start blushing and acted coy “Kinda wish the illusion was more convincing though.”

“What was that ‘bio-weapon’ you released that made the villain basically pass out?” asked sensei “You don’t have the quirk that can do that.”

“Oh I farted” I confessed shamelessly “I’ve been holding that one in since I started the test...I also suggest decontaminating that room, my farts spread quickly and linger.”

Everyone but Beizu got visibly disgusted. Doesn’t matter because I passed and I can’t wait to tell my parents that I farted my way to victory. Nothing can stop me right now, I’m all the way up.

-Chapter 15, end-

<Previous-Next>

[noona-clock]

Which One? Joo Hyuk - Part 5

Genre: Coffee Shop!AU

Pairing: Joo Hyuk x You

Warnings: None

Prologue, Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Epilogue | Words: 1,862

Joo Hyuk had told you to come ‘whenever’ today, assuring you the shop usually wasn’t busy on Sundays.

The only problem was... when should ‘whenever’ be?

You knew you could be like one of those casual, carefree people and just... go when you felt like it. When you had time.

But what if the time you chose to go ended up being unusually busy? Then you would feel like a fool, and you’d either have to wait for things to die down or just come back another time.

...This kind of thinking was just one reason why you were currently single.

You were so tempted to just message him and ask when you should come, but you didn’t want to sound like a weirdo. He had already told you any time would work!

So, you decided to simply... pick a time.

It was currently half-past nine in the morning, so how about you go over there around 1pm?

But maybe that would be when most people would go. It was right after lunch, and anywhere from 1-4pm was the time most people needed a caffeinated pick-me-up.

You couldn’t really go later than that, though, because there was a Tigers game tonight. It was an away game, so you weren’t actually going, but you still made a point to watch every away game on television.

So... what if you went now?

The shop was open, after all, and it was Sunday morning. Most people weren’t out and about on Sunday morning, and if they were, they weren’t at coffee shops.

Actually, the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. Now was the perfect time! So, you gathered up your camera equipment, grabbed your phone and keys, and you headed off to The Mug.

Of course, you still worried about it as you drove there. Because you were ridiculous. And the idea of seeing Joo Hyuk again after yesterday just made you nervous! He had rescued you from an awkward situation! He had put his hands on your shoulders! He had smiled at you! He had looked at you from afar!

Not to mention all the flirtatious messages the two of you had been sending back and forth.

Speaking of... maybe you should message him. Just in case.

Once you parked outside of the shop, you slid your phone out of your pocket and brought up your conversation with Joo Hyuk on Instagram.

And before he could make fun of you, you closed the app and put your phone away. You lugged your camera bag out from the passenger seat, heaving it over your shoulder before heading up to the entrance.

Rather than let your nerves get the best of you and keep you waiting outside of the door as you gathered the courage to walk in, you simply took a small breath and pushed your way inside.

Joo Hyuk was behind the counter, and he visibly perked up when you walked in. A smile appeared on his lips, and he lifted his hand to wave at you.

“Hey,” he greeted, his eyes locked on you as you made your way to the register.

“Good morning,” you said with a somewhat bashful grin. “I probably should have messaged you before I left, but...”

“No, it’s fine,” he chuckled, his smile growing (and making your heart grow, too. Or at least glow.) “You could’ve just come in for a drink if we had been busy.”

“This is true,” you agreed, nodding.

“Speaking of, do you want anything?”

“Well, that depends,” you sighed as you gripped the strap of your camera bag. “Are we going to talk about what you guys were wanting or did you want me to just take some pictures first?”

“We should probably talk,” Joo Hyuk nodded slowly. “That way you know what to take pictures of.”

“Ah, yes, that makes sense,” you chuckled. “In that case, my usual green tea latte. I need lots of caffeine.”

“Because talking to me will be so boring?” he asked teasingly as he reached for a fresh mug to get your drink started.

“N--no!” you retorted. “Talking to you is not boring, I just -- it’s Sunday morning! I was out late last night!”

Joo Hyuk raised his eyebrows and glanced at you with some surprise. “Oh yeah? Did you go somewhere after you left here?”

You blinked... and then you chuckled guiltily.

“No... but being out after 9 is late to me,” you explained with very warm cheeks.

“Ah, got it,” he murmured. But you could tell he was trying to hold back a grin. Or even a laugh. Or something which would give away the fact that he was thoroughly amused by your statement.

“Okay, then,” you sighed. “I’m going to find a table and set up shop.”

Ji Soo walked through the Employees Only door behind the counter just then, and he immediately furrowed his brow and frowned at you. “Ooh, good luck with that. Doesn’t look like there’s an empty seat in the house.”

You turned around quickly and saw quite the opposite. Joo Hyuk had told you just five minutes ago there was only one customer here, and he hadn’t been exaggerating. But you decided to play along, anyway. “Oh, darn, you’re right. I don’t see any place to sit.”

“Well, I’ll try my best to find you once I finish your drink,” Joo Hyuk added.

You flashed him a grin before heading off to a table by the window and getting out your phone. You opened up the editing app you used for Instagram as well as examples of all the different presets he could use.

Joo Hyuk joined you just a few minutes later, your green tea latte in hand. He set it down carefully on the table before grabbing the chair across from you and pulling it over so he could sit next to you, instead.

“So,” you began, avoiding looking at him so you could continue to breathe properly. “Did you have any ideas for what you want your theme to be?”

Joo Hyuk didn’t answer for a few moments as he rested his chin thoughtfully in his palm. And then he said, “No. I have no idea.”

“That’s okay,” you chuckled. “I have plenty.”

You showed him all the presets you had, but after a few examples, you realized he wouldn’t get a clear idea of how it would look since the pictures you had in your phone didn’t have the same lighting as the shop.

“Here, you take a selfie,” you told him, handing him your phone.

“What?! Why?!” he grinned.

“So we can see what the pictures I take here will actually look like! Go on, just take a selfie,” you prodded as you gently nudged his elbow.

Joo Hyuk took your phone with a sigh, but he still held it out and did as you requested.

When he handed your phone back to you, you glanced at him in disbelief. “So, that’s what it’s gonna be like, huh?”

“...What do you mean?”

“That’s how your selfies turn out just on the fly? No filters, no shifting angles? They just look that good without even trying?”

Joo Hyuk laughed shyly, and if you had the courage to look over at him now, you would most likely see his pinkened cheeks.

“So not fair,” you sighed. And then you opened the picture up in your editing app and showed him how it would look with a preset on. You went through several different ones until he stopped you. You had just selected a bright but slightly warm-toned preset, and to be honest... you agreed with him 100%. It fit the atmosphere of the shop to a T, and it would look good on pictures with both people and coffee as the subject.

Now that you had gone over the logistics, you decided to go take some pictures. Joo Hyuk said he really wanted pictures of everything: the shop interior, the drinks, the customers...

“What about you guys? You and Ji Soo?” you asked.

“Pictures of us? Do you think we should post pictures of us?”

“Well, yeah,” you chuckled. “That’s -- I mean, that’s what everyone has been talking about since you guys opened.”

Joo Hyuk’s head jerked back in surprise, and you were surprised that he was so surprised. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean -- ever since the shop opened, all I’ve been hearing about is the guys who own this place and how --” you gulped, but you decided to just tell him. “--how good-looking you guys are.”

Joo Hyuk looked genuinely perplexed, and it was genuinely adorable.

“So, yes, I would most definitely post pictures of you two on Instagram,” you confirmed.

“Well... I mean, I guess,” he shrugged, a very bashful grin on his lips.

“I’ll take pictures around the shop first so you guys can get all the drinks prepared,” you told him, standing up and reaching for your camera.

Joo Hyuk nodded and loped over toward the counter.

Honestly.

What was he doing owning a coffee shop when he could be on the cover of magazines? The guy was a model, plain and simple!

You spent a good half hour taking pictures around the shop. You snapped the chairs and tables, the fireplace, the patio, and you even went outside and got some exterior shots, as well.

By the time you’d finished, Ji Soo and Joo Hyuk had lined up several drinks on the counter. You took pictures of those - both individually and in groups - and then, it was time for the real fun to begin.

“Okay,” you began, tilting your head in thought. “Ji Soo. You pretend to be making a drink, and Joo Hyuk, you stand at the register. Pretend I’m not here, so don’t look at the camera.”

You proceeded to take their pictures and direct them in a mini-photoshoot, telling them what to do and how to pose and whether or not to acknowledge the camera.

When you ran out of ideas, you thanked them for humoring you and looked down at your camera so you could go through all the shots you’d just taken.

“Wait, what about you?” Ji Soo asked.

Your head snapped up to shot him a puzzled look. “Excuse me?”

“We want our customers on our feed, too! You’re a customer!” he grinned.

“...Absolutely not,” you chuckled. “I’m a photographer, not a model.”

“Oh, come on,” Ji Soo taunted, reaching across the counter to try and take your camera away from you. “Just a few, I’ll take them!”

Joo Hyuk put a firm hand on Ji Soo’s arm then, and he raised his eyebrows at his friend. “She said ‘no,’” he told him. “We’ll find other, willing, customers.”

Ji Soo let out a very dramatic sigh... but he still pulled his arm back. “Yeah, okay. When you put it that way.”

Ji Soo then took one of the drinks you’d photographed and began gulping it down. While he wasn’t looking, you shot Joo Hyuk a grateful look and mouthed ‘Thank you.’

He simply nodded.

...And then he winked.

Oh, god.

Part 6

[ferricadooza]

50 questions you’ve never been asked before

miss mars bar (@larryscurves) thank you for tagging me in this ♥

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? i have one pink one and one black one

2. a food you never eat? thanksgiving stuffing

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? always too cold, but that’s what layers and blankets are for :)

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? working on a final while facetiming the aforementioned miss mars bar

5. what is your favourite candy bar? ??? idk like a 3 musketeers maybe ???

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? yeah, i’ve been to baseball games and hockey games before

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? mar says i said “BELLA” and threw my hands up in the air. sounds about right.

8. what is your favourite ice cream? mmmm i don’t really eat ice cream, but maybe neopolitan? or cookie dough? actually wait no, i love a good coffee flavored ice cream

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? coffee

10. do you like your wallet? i can definitely say this is a question i’ve never been asked before. uhhhh, yeah i do, but i also feel like i could really use a new one (preferably with more pockets)

11. what was the last thing you ate? peanut butter filled pretzels

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no ?

13. the last sporting event you watched? i think....... i think i saw like a portion (by a portion i mean like five minutes before i got distracted) of a pens game sometime within the last year

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? movie theater butter (from the actual movie theater) with lots of salt babey

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my friend katie after she tried to call me while i was on a facetime call

16. ever go camping? do i seem like the kind of person who would go camping ? no really i want to know

17. do you take vitamins? is a serotonin pill a vitamin? discuss.

18. do you go to church every sunday? HA. no.

19. do you have a tan? it snowed this week

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? why not both.meme

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? not usually, no

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? y’all wear socks ?

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? HA. yeah.

24. what terrifies you? the unknown babey.

25. look to your left, what do you see? an empty glass that had some water in it and my headphones on the nightstand.

26. what chore do you hate? mmmmm probably dishes

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? @ltwalls2020 and @lightwoodsmagic

28. what’s your favourite soda? mmmmm vanilla coke is my weakness

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? ugh i hate drive thrus but i also hate eating in fast food restaurants. go in and order it to go.

30. who’s the last person you talked to? miss mars bar @larryscurves right before she went to sleep

31. favourite cut of beef? do i look like a culinary expert to y’all? no really i want to know

32. last song you listened to? ashley by halsey

33. last book you read? like a real book? dumplin’ by julie murphy. but i also read this fic this week and it’s basically a novel.

34. favourite day of the week? saturday

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? yup

36. how do you like your coffee? good coffee? black. mediocre coffee? splash of cream and sugar. bad coffee? down the drain.

37. favourite pair of shoes? fuck shoes

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? anywhere between 11pm and 5am :))

39. at what time do you normally get up? anywhere between like 8am and 1pm.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? dusk, but like if i had to choose then sunrises i think (even though i’m rarely awake to see one)

41. how many blankets are on your bed? one, sometimes two. three if it’s really cold

42. describe your kitchen plates? ??? might be some cherries on them? they’re kinda like beigey with maroon and blue rings

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? i’m honest to fuck not all that picky but maybe wine? wine’s the easiest

44. do you play cards? cards against humanity, sure. also go fish. maybe some war if i’m feeling spicy

45. what colour is your car? red, but she’s old so idk what color my next car will be !

46. can you change a tire? HA. no

47. what is your favourite state/province? kentucky is really cool, but like just louisville

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? i looooooved my office job that i had at school. wish i could’ve finished out my last semester there :(

49. how did you get your biggest scar? i’m not sure about specifics, but i have a few scars from burns over the years. they’re not huge, the skin’s just like much paler there

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? i turned in a final which made me happy

i’m gonna go ahead and tag: @thepeacering, @canyonemoon, @femstyles, @lightsupwithharry, @coldkofe, and @peterpanlouie if you haven’t done it yet/want to :))

[jesslcover]

H.E.A.L.T.H. What is it?

For many years, ive been trying to get all these beautiful inspiring stories out of my head and out into the public. I believe that I have a message and maybe my delivery is off but its there....  There is no right or wrong way to deliver a message because it truly comes down to the perception of the receiver, not you that creates the problem. If you have a message to share with the world.. share it, and if the world isn't ready, thats there issue, not yours. So here’s mine.... well a small piece of it... 

Have you ever thought about what the true definition of health is? Is the worlds definition of health congruent with your own definition? How did you come to your own way of health or do you follow others and envision yourself as them maybe when you were completely out of balance with yourself. Or did you do research on ways to quick fix your health Hit?  

There are so many ways we can view health and in each one of us, its different. Take a smoker of 30 years.....    If you or someone you know has smoked for a very long time and are thinking about quitting, you know its gonna be stressful. Even if you are 100% committed to giving up the filthy habit and saying good rides, the body and mind are going to, at some point be in stress overload. The nasty chemical of nicotine has adapted inside your body and your cells feed off of them but then ll of a sudden, you are suffocating the fuel for which stimulated the craving when they were on empty... So your brain thinks, “feed me nicotine, feed me oral fixation.” 

No patch, gum or physical ailment has ever been the true reason some someone killing the habit. The real healing and transformation comes from the energetic balance between what our mind is telling our body, and what forces surround us in our environment the controls our cravings within our body. 

For 12 years, I smoked very heavy cigarettes. Not the Light to Ultra light brands but the stuff the big boys, construction workers, mechanics, Beer Bellied red necks, used to smoke. My mom allowed me to smoke as many cigarettes as I wanted, just as long as I only smoked cigarettes and nothing else. 

In June 1999, after a car accident nearly caused my death, I was awaked into a new light and mindset. Still smoking cigarettes, going to church and attending local exercise classes, my perception to things was different.  

After 4.3 drooling months of battling a disconnect of me headspace and my Mind Body Spirit connection being in OFF mode, I was turn on with more voltage and internal power than ever before. 

In October 1999, 2.5 weeks after I was forced to drop out of high school, I was blown away that something so big, and active was living inside of my head. I asked myself, how could this tumor, be so unkind to just appear out of the blue and say, “That’s it Lady, POWER OFF.” 

I was a senior in High School, passionate about hospitality, working for Marriott hotels 23-28 hours a week in front office operations and selling shoes at Nine West 13-17 hours/week M-F. Marriot was a Fri-Sat-Sunday job with Holidays for  the additional overtime. After my accident, I lost my job at the shoe store however Marriott loved my positive energy and life force I expelled to guests while they checked in, even when I couldn't see over the front Desk front sitting in a chair from Pain. Although I felt much loved at this hotel, I would soon be discharged from here as well. 

October 24th, 1999, after my first attempt to get my GED, the equivalent to a High School Diploma, I failed. I felt horrible with my life. I had no job because of my disability, I quit high school and barely saw my friends, no driver license because they were taking from me by the State of Ohio for safety of other drivers and I was smoking 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day. How was I able to come out of this mess and go from SURVIVING to THRIVING?                           It certainly wasnt some Miracle pill or Reconstructive Surgery that changed me from the outside to inspire my inside......  It came from within me! How I looked at the physical things around me, how I gave thanks to everything, even a bird dropping its poo poo on my head while trying to sunbathe next to my neighbors pool, or having a check for $3.84 bounce over a pack of cigarettes. What taught me the greatest life comeback in these scenarios.

It was a wet and muggy Wednesday morning in October, the 27th to be exact, when my mom dreaded waking at 745am to take me to get a second opinion from a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic office near my small hometown. She had finished work at 1130pm the previous night to only arrive home around 1215am from the heavy rain that evening. My first appointment was at 830am. 

There were actually several appointments scheduled that day however my mom had to be at work by 1pm and wasnt able to take me to all of my appointments. After the first appointment, we decided to skip the potential MRI and take me to grandma’s house. 

For the next 9 months, until June, the summer of 2000, I stayed with grandma. It was a much happier place to be. Grandma had 3 fun loving dogs, a pool with a beautiful wooden deck big enough for 5-7 lawn chairs, and my aunt Kathy living within walking distance. Kathy smoked and she was more like a smoking buddy. I was able to make some money mowing yards for the neighbors and helping grandma with the house and her dogs. In June, I got my driver license back and went on a mission to find a job that would give me independence away from everyone! It was the greatest stepping stone into womanhood I could've ever taken. 

After attempting to retrieve my job with Marriott and being unsuccessful, an amusement park on the lake outside of cleveland contacted me for a summer job at one of their hotels in the park. Cedar Point is the PRIME ROLLERCOASTER park in the USA. Without hesitation, I took the job and moved 2.5 hours away in a cabin villa with 2 other girls, for the summer. 

Cutting to the chase... at the end of the summer, I felt like i was ready to go back to school and try my HSD again. It didnt take long to see that, this wasnt supposed to be the option for me. 

August 2000, just days before school was to begin, mom and I, her friend Cheryl and our long time neighbor were shopping for school supplies at our local Staples Store. Cheryl had MS and I took care of her also. Without her with us, my mom would've been in the Emergency room. 

As we were walking out of the store, I started to dauntingly walk a different direction than my mom and Cheryl. Completely disconnect from the world, my mom said she continued to yell at me but I didn't listen. Was I not listening or did I not hear her? 

In the moment when my mom gently grabbed my right shoulder to bring me toward our truck, I physically attacked her, bruised her face and she fell on the ground. Immediately she got back up and “started calling me names”, Cheryl said. Before we got to the truck, I came out of this brain freeze and began to ask my mom “Oh My God, what happened to you?” 

You can imagine my mom’s confusion, frustration and contemplation as to why I seemed to disillusioned to the event. This object in my brain was moving again and this time caused a disconnect that changed my life traumatically, with myself and my mother. 

A week before my Mom’s birthday, September 4, school had only jut begun and I was doing good until the long 3 days weekend for Labor Day. Labor day is the 1st Monday in September and my mom’s birthday happened to fall on that day however our doctors office was closed. 

The very next day, with a luck of the draw, Dr Angerman, who I saw the previous years, had a slot open at 9am which my mom booked me without question. The findings were what had been daunting me for more than 15 months. 

Ganglioglioma is low-grade tumor of mixed cell type. It is a type of brain tumor that contains properties of both glial cells (responsible for providing the structural support of the central nervous system) and neuronal cells (the functioning component of the central nervous system). It is very rare!! Being rare was one thing but with the location being life threatening inoperable, my mom burst into tears with fears of what to do with me. 

My Ganglioglioma treatments included:               Neurosurgery – to remove as much of the tumor as safely possible; surgery is often limited due to the deep, central placement of these tumors within the brain                                                                                                     Chemotherapy – either before surgery to shrink the tumor or to kill cancer cells 

Radiation therapy – precisely targeted treatment to control local growth of tumors; not recommended unless the child’s tumor has re-grown due to potential long-term side effects of therapy.

Cleveland Clinic has some of the most highly acclaimed doctors and surgeons in the world. They are one of the best trusted hospital resources for Neurological, Cardiac and Pulmonary operations. With a higher success rate than any other hospital affiliation on the entire planet, Dr Angerman relaxed my mom and assured her that I was in heaven’s hands.  On March 12th, 2001, I became a successful survivor of this rare scare of a brain tumor however the end wasn’t close yet. 

After 3 days, I was released from Cleveland Clinic Neurosurgery in Cleveland, Ohio, with 100% full confidence by Neurosurgeon Dr. Morris, that I would recover with no problems. March 16th, while at my grandmothers house, I had a stroke. I was paralyzed on the entire left side of my body for 6 weeks until April 29th 2001...... 

Dr Morris did an amazing job at my surgery and was the first person and step that gave me internal hope that led to my wellness path to what I call HEALTH however, it was the energy practices of Yoga& Pranayama, which no one in my red neck town had ever heard of), Mindfulness, Chiropractic, proper nutrition and guided imagery that allowed me to transform my mind, come back in tune with my body and provide positive feedback that would change my life, inside and out, forever. 

It’s now 18.5 years later, Aug 2019, and my passion for helping people, inspiring wellness and Mind Body Medicine to everyone I meet, especially as a career, gains excitement everyday! My true meaning of HEALTH is Holistic Enhancements Aspiring Longevity Tranquility & Happiness. Because true health starts with me, not with money, a beautiful BMW, fancy vacations or diamonds... It starts at the HEART... tap deep within and you will win.... no matter what you are going through!

When we live life in a state of our own positive definition of HEALTH, whatever it may be, we are creating an art that is unique to us and us only, but its from the heart. Learn to BREATHE... and used the same formula components(letters) to BE HEART! 

Sorry for any typos...

Namaste, Good Night friends. 

[devilsknotrp]

Congratulations, Jenn! You have been accepted for the role of Wendy Taylor (FC: Mary Louise Parker). Wow. What can we even say? You have brought Wendy a depth that we truly had not even envisaged. There were glimpses in her biography, but you have enhanced them and exampled how complex and nuanced she really is. The fact that she is a closeted lesbian makes a lot of sense, and I think exploring the notion of compulsive heterosexuality and her late relationship with Charlie will be a fantastic writing challenge - one we have no doubt you’ll pull off with aplomb. Your headcanons are extensive and beautifully written. This is a truly fantastic application. Thank you for writing her! Please have a look at this page prior to sending in your account.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Jenn Age: 27 Pronouns: She/her Timezone: EST Activity estimation: I have a full-time job, but I can be around on weeknights and through the weekend! I can confidently approximate my activity at a few replies per week. Triggers: REDACTED

IN CHARACTER

Full name: Wendy Marie Taylor Age (DD/MM/YYY): Fifty years old (09 October 1946) – Libra sun, Cancer moon Gender: Cis female Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Lesbian, though she will assert she is Straight Occupation: Regional Manager, Great Lakes Cup Company Connection to Victim: Linda Goode is one of the moms. Even if her own daughter has been grown for a decade plus, Wendy feels connected to the other mothers in Devil’s Knot because motherhood is so important to her. When Linda first moved into town, Wendy was drawn to her bright-eyed enthusiasm. They talk after church about their children, and Wendy gives some gentle advice when she can. They’re friendly, if not friends. Linda’s optimism in the face of a mother’s worst nightmare has only bolstered Wendy’s desire to know her better. She remembers what Sandy was like when Pete disappeared. Linda’s going to need all the help she can get. Alibi: Wendy spent the morning at home, going through her closets for things she could sell at her upcoming yard sale. One of the skirts she’d set aside – an old favorite – had a broken zipper, so she brought it to Aisha around 1pm to see if her sister-in-law could mend it. She got so wrapped up in playing with her nephew and talking to her family that she stayed for dinner, and didn’t come home until 7:30pm, at which point she ran a bath, read a few chapters of her book club book, and fell asleep. Faceclaim: I was approved for Mary Louise Parker! :) Other alternate faceclaim ideas (not proposed to y’all) are Winona Ryder and Marisa Tomei.

WRITING SAMPLE

The waiting really wasn’t so bad. At 11:15, the pie went in; by 11:30, the whole downstairs smelled like peaches and cinnamon, even all the way back in the laundry room where the dryer-sheet scent never left. This was what Heaven smelled like, to her. This was her Heaven, right here in Formica and linoleum. She closed her eyes to take it in. Sense is everything. That’s what Pastor Jeff had told her, last time they spoke one-on-one. She’d been struggling to stay grounded, with all the background noise starting up again: another missing boy, another swing to the slumbering hornets’ nest. She could feel the buzzing in her sleep, she said. Thank God for God. He made the world for us, Pastor Jeff told her, and we take it for granted. There are little blessings everywhere. All we have to do is open to receive.

Wendy pressed her shoulders against the back of the chair, imagining a coat hanger strung through her spine and then straightened just so. The birds were quietly tittering in the trees outside. The sky, she imagined, was blue. She wanted to believe that it was.

Her egg timer ticked. She could hear it better with her eyes closed. Sometimes she thought the insides of her eyelids looked like one of those abstract paintings that’re just colors and drips, chaos on a canvas. Like the blood splatter patterns. The photos Charlie pored over. You weren’t supposed to see that, he always said – but what did he know about supposed to? What did he know about her? He had heavy hands and a weak heart, and he–well, he–

Fuck him, she thought.

She opened her eyes. Some words taste sour on your tongue and some don’t taste like anything at all. By the refrigerator, Buddy flattened out on the floor, his head resting on his paws – Wendy hadn’t even noticed him come in. She reached for him with fingers caked in flour and dough. “C’mere, Bud,” she said, softly. “C’mon.” It took him a few seconds to stand; for those couple of breaths, she was sure he’d heard her curse. Then he was walking over, and exhaling, and nudging against her to make room for himself at her feet. “Hey, baby. How you doin’, huh?” She rubbed her hand through the fur at the top of his scalp. He didn’t react. “Oh, you’re mad at me now, ‘s that it?” Buddy was as much Charlie’s as he was hers or Jenny’s, but that’s what happens when you leave: you don’t get to claim ownership anymore.

Wendy let her breath come out her nose in one long stream. She used the heel of her palm to brush loose hair off her forehead; her hands were a mess. “Fine,” she said. She stood. She had Jenny’s number memorized by now, but she still grabbed her contact notebook and double-checked as she dialed. The answering machine picked it up. “Hey, honey, it’s Mom. I’m gonna be taking a pie over to the Goodes in an hour or so. I’d love some company.” She glanced at the hanging clock. 11:50. ”No pressure,” she added. “Just call me back before 1.” Wendy tightened her grip on the phone, readying herself to hang up – but her hand didn’t move. Her sigh went right into the mouthpiece, loud and clear. “And–maybe… if you haven’t yet, maybe call your dad, too. Just to–just to make sure he’s okay.” Okay. “Okay. I love you. Talk soon.” There were still 20 minutes left in the oven. They couldn’t pass quickly enough.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Here is my Pinterest board for Wendy! 

Wendy is a lesbian. Used to be. Wendy used to be a lesbian – and God, even the word is ugly, isn’t it? Lesbian, like the name of another species, something grey-skinned and hairless crawling out of a crater. She outgrew it when she grew up. There were thoughts, and dreams, and wishes and whims, and when she was younger there were girls her age who stopped her breathing just by touching her – but that was frivolity, that’s all. She can be so frivolous sometimes. If it weren’t for her Daddy’s looking out for her, she might’ve lit her life on fire years ago just ‘cause she liked to watch the sparks.

No one’s ever hurt her worse than Charlie Taylor did. Would you believe she really loved that son of a bitch? Being a housewife felt about as natural as waxing her leg hair off, but she did it for him – and, like waxing, it hurt less over time. Sweet, serious Charlie. He’d been impressive to her long before the Sheriff’s badge: just a kid at 20 when they’d first met, and even then there’d been something steady about him. Something safe. And as they got older, they got older together, and they got married together, and they had their daughter together. It didn’t matter who they were in the dark, because they were a family together, a whole of sums, a house united. That’s what kept Wendy from leaving, all those years ago, back when she could’ve left him. They had made something together. Even when things were bad, they were still warm like a burnt-up dinner, bitter but still hearty all the same. She couldn’t spit in the face of a home-cooked home. Guess Charlie wasn’t burdened with the same sense of sacrifice, though, ‘cause he gave it all up to be himself. As if she hadn’t bit her tongue for him. As if she hadn’t swallowed blood.

When she was younger, Wendy’s lifelong dream was to climb the tallest tree in Devil’s Knot. Up by the river, where Ely Street met North State and the water folded over the rocks underneath – right there, that one, the one that stretched bare and empty on top like it was just made for a Christmas tree angel to sit. It didn’t matter that there were taller trees by the Campgrounds; she claimed that one back in elementary school, pointing and shielding her face from the sun. She practiced on the trees in her front yard. Her legs still show the scars where sharp bark and misplaced foot-holds left their marks. Wendy’s mom used to patch her up quietly in the bathroom after she fell off, be it bike or branch, and now when she tries to remember her mother, she thinks of how they’d wince together when the iodine hit her skin. Her mother, watching Wendy’s face and sucking in her own breath through her teeth like she could feel it, too. Like it hurt her to hurt her, no matter how small the pain.

It was never her lifelong dream to work for Great Lakes Cups, that’s for sure – but she really does like it well enough. She’s the franchise’s first female regional manager in Michigan, if you’ll believe that. Her! Wendy Taylor! Sometimes, when she’s feeling particularly scatter-brained and stupid, she’ll remind herself to look at the little name-plate they put on the wall outside her door. If she can run a whole office of a consumer products manufacturing company, then she can do just about anything. And if there’s anything she can’t do – well, she’s got her Daddy to help guide her halfway to home. No one was happier for her than him when she got the promotion. Not even Charlie, who by then was already her ex on barely-speaking terms, divorce papers pending. Her Daddy has been her biggest supporter, coach, and strategist for longer than she cares to remember. She can see that now. No matter how many times she doubts him, it’s only the toughest love that gets people to change. She wouldn’t be who she is without his. 

Wendy always knew she wanted kids. Charlie wanted them too, and when they had Jenny, everything changed all at once. It was like another version of herself had been growing in her, too, right there in the womb next to her daughter. She gave birth to both of them. She saw it. She knows it’s crazy, but she saw it – and it wasn’t a hallucination, either. Pastor Jeff’s on her side. He says that the Creator has His ways of showing people what plans He has in store. After years of fighting and flailing and keeping God out of her heart, Wendy is finally ready to listen.

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

Prats feelings on building 7?

First of all, have fun, its over 700 pages. fuk u for making me read half of it and then skim the rest (all tho it was totally within my power to not get so invested in this ask)The Full NIST report only JUST came out, rly, literally last year and it primarily settles on multiple fires going on for almost 8 hours with a failed extinguishing system leading to a support column failing after multiple floors around it collapsed, bringing the whole thing into the shell of the building.

so, this is footage of the street level just 15 minutes after the collapse of WTC2

Take note of the two causeways, familiarize yourself with the scale at the ground. the dark band conceal a mechanical floor, thats the 5th and 6th floor. after the collapse of wtc1 basically floors 13 and below become so obscured with debris and smoke that the full extent of the damage can’t be seen.

However, while most of the debris completely flattened parts of WTC6 into craters, a substantial amount landed in the street while large portions of the facade from WTC1 flew across the street, at least hitting the base of building 7 or notable portions of the facade above that, as seen here:

you can see the WTC1 debris as it lay on Vesey Street here as well as the condition of the promenade walkway (large tree covered walkway on the western side of WTC7), starting at 4:42

To the right of the promenade above, a several storey pile of debris begins.

Included below is the aftermath of WTC1′s collapse and Building 7, take care to note WTC 6′s direct hole damage from the peeling off north face of WTC1, the same peeling facade that ultimately strikes Building 7

based off of the damage shown in video evidence as well as available footage until the collapse at 5:21, i have drawn a visual model of building 7′s south (WTC1 facing) side:

ignore the cratered WTC6 on the lower left lol, i primarily wanted to show the elevated promenade and covered walkway connecting to the building on the 3rd floor. it is also on the 3rd floor where the main lobby is, which houses the security desk that the FDNY fire command station was established.

So first, i drew the observable damage including the massive gash that was observed from the roof to the bottom

After the collapse, it is clear the same peeled section of WTC1 that cratered WTC6 also collapsed onto the promenade, carving an H-shaped hole into the southwest corner of wtc7 from floors 5 to 17. This hole likely cut several metres into the building at it’s deepest, visible from the elevators inside the building. The debris piled ontop of the promenade was judged to be “40 feet tall” from an on-site firefighter.

Now, following this, fires began. after a while, the fires spread to the north and east face of the building, where it was observed either flickering behind the windows or outright bursting out the window and shooting flames out.

If fire were seen burning through to these sides of the building, that meant the fire likely engulfed the entire floor. So the floors 7, 8, 9, 12, and 13 were at least totally engulfed. The following is my illustration showing the south, east and also north side (The west side isn’t really shown aside from where fire was seen in the hole. Floors 7-8 on the west generally understood to show fire or have smoke rising out of broken out windows).

Red is where fire was observed to burst through the window before building 7′s collapse. Orange is where fire was at least observed within the building. Yellow is where fire or smoke was present based on the above. This is the summation of all visible fire and not it at it’s most intense.

Unfortunately, because of the smoke rising from WTC1′s ruin and Building 7 itself, along with very limited amount of documentation of these portions of the building before it’s collapse, the south side’s state of fire is unknown. So i overlayed green to show where no one could see on account of terrible visibility or other buildings obscuring it.

We can assume that the fires on the south at least mirrored the intensity of the north’s By 10:30 am (around half an hour after WTC 1′s collapse) the building was deemed completely evacuated. The Fire Command Station on floor 3 was vacated completed also, as they moved it following WTC 2′s collapse.

Once chaos following the demise of the twin towers was brought under control over an hour later, attention was again brought to WTC7 as FDNY dudes on scene reported that

a large amount of debris from WTC 1 had crashed through the front center (south side) of WTC 7 from approximately the 10th floor down to ground level, and debris ripped off part of the southwest corner from approximately the 8th floor up to the 18th floor.  The collapse of WTC 1 also was ascribed as responsible for starting fires inside of WTC 7.

The fires on the south side was observed around the 7th floor, around the “10th to 14th floor” and an additional one as high as the “20s or 30s”

During this time, firefighters ponder the relation of diesel fuel tanks in these lower floors to the fire.

At 1pm, a group of police and firefighters entered the building from the east, reporting:

At the 5th floor, they moved to the A stairway and proceeded up.  On the 8th or 9th floor, one of the group said he saw two elevator cars ejected from their shafts and in the hallway.  Looking past the elevators, they could see a gaping hole in the south face from around the 6th to the 9th floors.  They could see one floor below and two to three floors above that location.  A lot of the core walls were destroyed, and one individual reported that he saw columns hanging from the floor above.

By 2pm, a Chief Officer reported fires on floors “6, 7, 8, 17, 21, and 30″By 2:30, the decision was made to pull all operations out of Building 7.

Based from these reports, i can assume the observable fires on the south side appeared to burn until collapse as such:

Anyway, the whole report goes to contrast other building fires, why they didnt collapse and went on to point out a crucial structural weakness in the building, namely the way floor beams are welded laterally to a few specific ones, which would be susceptible to the localized fires on the first floors (remember how it was the top floor penthouse on the east side of the building that buckled inward first?)

And how the fire would have travelled across the floor as it burned through office cubicles and accompanying furniture over the next several hours, intensifying as it moves

In the east of the building, several floors would be hot (up to 700°C) enough for the lateral girders to bow and eventually fall away, with predictive models pointing to the collapse beginning on the 13th floor, leading to the eastern portion of the floors to collapse down ontop of eachother all the way down several more floors.

One column in particular (column 79), is now left hot and noodling around, allowing it to buckle and collapse into the internal heat chasm too, resulting in the vertical progression of failure of the floor systems up to the roof level across the entire east side of WTC 7, taking down the rest of the building in short order soon after. This is why you see the rooftop penthouse fold in half before being the first thing to disappear ahead of the total collapse.

Why? columns 79, 80, and 81 (the later soon giving after 79 from displacement) were the primary load bearers in the eastern portion of Building 7. The descent of column 79 literally pulls the building down into the footprint of it’s own shell.

and the funny thing? the gaping hole in the west face of the building, the massive gash from top to bottom as well as the fuel tanks played little or no part in determining the collapse, only in starting the fires that ripped around the building.

So from the south, it probably looked like this in those first seconds of collapse shortly after the disappearance of the eastern half of the penthouse into the shell

aaand from the north again:

anyway, i fucking wasted several hours of my precious time i could’ve spent making MSprats to do this effortpost instead, so fuck my life

TL;DR it didn’t come down from explosives or any other sort of deliberate, orchestrated manner, althought it mightve been preventable, had firefighters remained to put out the fires. But this was impossible given the chaos and fear around the first two collapses and the report about a 3rd plane coming to new york.

[lickstynine]

It's 7:20 in the morning. I'm literally waiting for the professor for my 8am to show up so I can beg him to let me go bang down the door of my apartment office when they open at 8.

I just found out the library was open yesterday and I could've been in there using the AC and doing homework instead of sweating and crying in my eighty degree apartment.

I've been awake for twelve hours already, and I won't be free again til at least 1pm. I'm also afraid but not positive that I have work at five.

It's drizzly and humid outside, so the outfit I put on right before leaving my hot apartment is already drenched in a combo of rain and sweat.

Today is hell, and I literally don't know when it's going to end.

[donzysguidetofreedom]

So guys welcome to my April. Two weeks ago, I had a stomachache and started to develop a headache. It progressed until that Saturday my fiancée dragged me to to emergency room. I couldn’t focus, I just cried while holding my head. We get there and they give me a “migraine cocktail”. I take a nap and I’m feeling ok. Not great. Pain at a 3-4. But they’re like welp you’re good to go bye. Come back if the pain comes back all the way today. Here’s some imitrex and take it every 2 hours when a migraine comes on and you’ll be fine. We get home around 1pm. We go to bed (he works nights and hadn’t been to bed yet) I wake up at 3 and my headaches coming back so I pop an imitrex. I do the same at 5, 7, and 9 as it just keeps coming. He packs me back into the car and we’re back at the hospital. They give me another cocktail and over the next 24 hours in the ER do a spinal tap and a million other tests. I get admitted and I’m in inconsolable pain. No amount of drugs would touch it. I barely take Tylenol on the regular and let me repeat, drugs were not touching my pain. I was in fetal position crying in the worst pain of my life. I told my mom and fiancée repetitively that I thought I was going to die. I’m not being dramatic. I could feel my pulse in my head. My mom held my head for me while I tried to sleep and couldn’t. I barely could sip water. I couldn’t open my eyes. It took constant medication until Monday afternoon to bring my pain down at all. From Saturday to Monday afternoon I cried and begged for pain medication. I just still can’t fathom how bad it got. Also, when I got to the hospital my resting heart rate was 135. I was weak and dizzy and didn’t know why. I’m severely anemic, and actually had an appointment to meet a hematologist last week to look into it. I’ve been anemic for years, I take an iron pill daily, but it’s just gotten worse. And I have other medical problems so I think most doctors put it on the back burner and I didn’t realize how bad it was. Well from Saturday til Wednesday, I set off the heart rate monitors every time I stood up. I wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. I didn’t know what was wrong. My anemia had gotten so bad that my brain was begging my heart for blood to my extremities and there just wasn’t enough blood to go anywhere. Hence the heart rate. I had two blood transfusions and two iron infusions over the week. I’m going to need these regularly until my hematologist can get to the bottom of my anemia. Unfortunately they can’t really run tests until I get to a normal level. I haven’t had a normal level since 2011. I can’t imagine how much better I’ll feel. This is so relieving. I go in Wednesday for a follow up. They don’t officially know what it was. I tested negative for everything. However, about two weeks before that I had started a new drug for my ulcerative colitis. I had read side effects cause headaches, so on that Friday before the hospital I had called my GI and asked about it. He told me to stop the medication and we’d touch base this week on a new treatment. So I stopped on Friday. The doctors said I either had chemical (asymptomatic) meningitis caused by a bad reaction to that medication, which is extremely rare and there isn’t a test for it but it’s not contagious, or I just suffered a bad reaction to that medication. Regardless, me stopping the drug could’ve saved my life. It was terrifying and I’m so glad I’m home. I’m not cleared for exercise yet but I’m being the best damn cheerleader as I can for my team in the Fresh Faces challenge. I hope to be kicking butt with them soon! Also, just icing on the cake, my wedding is in 12 days. So I’m so glad it wasn’t more serious. If it had been viral meningitis I would’ve been in the hospital for at least 2 weeks. So I’ve been MIA but I’m ok. Missed you all. Hopefully back to 100% soon

[anaabaalistic]

December 9th , 2021 .

10:01pm

I’m getting tattooed right now and I wish I could show you , I miss you so much I’ve been drunk since 1pm today , constantly thinking of you , it comes in waves and I’m convinced this is for the best even though k can feel every part of me being torn apart with the desire to contact you . I hate this I hate this whole feeling , I wish I could call you tell you how much I love you and that things would be different , I keep opening our message re reading our last conversation, thinking of what I could’ve said instead but couldn’t because I knew I had to let you go for you , not for me because this is miserable for me , I hate being away from you I hate having to miss you , it’s the 4th day and every morning I check the time at 8:45am , at 12pm , at 6:15 , at 7:15 and I just think she’s heading to work , she’s on lunch , she’s annoyed at the fact that she has to drive home , she’s finally home safe and sound . I check the time wonder what you’re doing and miss you terribly , my days are consumed with thoughts of you .

[omgstupendousbouquetbasement]

US Evacuated 3,000 from Kabul on Thursday

U.S. forces in Afghanistan evacuated about 3,000 people from Hamid Karzai International Airport in Kabul on Thursday, according to the White House.

The evacuees were flown out on 16 flights by giant C-17 aircraft.  The White House says the evacuees included 350 U.S. citizens, their family members, vulnerable Afghans and applicants for special immigrant visas and their families.

A statement Friday says that over the previous 24 hours, the U.S. military also facilitated the departure of 11 charter flights. The passengers on those charter flights are not included in the totals above.

The White House says U.S. forces have now evacuated approximately 9,000 people since August 14, the day before the Taliban entered Kabul, and a total of 14,000 people since the end of July.

U.S. President Joe Biden has vowed to stay in Afghanistan until all U.S. citizens who want to leave have been evacuated, as he stands firmly by his decision to leave the country, despite the chaos that has ensued.

Biden is set to meet with his national security team on the situation in Afghanistan early Friday, before making remarks on the evacuation process later in the day (1pm ET).

“I don't think it could've been handled in a way that there — we're — going to go back in hindsight and look, but the idea that somehow there's a way to have gotten out without chaos ensuing, I don't know how that happens,” Biden said in an interview with George Stephanopoulos of ABC News on Wednesday. He dismissed questions about scenes of Afghans clinging to a U.S. aircraft as it took off as something that happened “days ago.” 

How Will the World Help Afghan Refugees?

As crisis unfolds in Afghanistan, few countries have enacted new policies to provide safe passage for Afghans seeking refuge abroad

The president stressed that the U.S. military is now in control at the airport and evacuating thousands with the goal of getting everyone who needs to be evacuated out, both American and Afghan, by August 31.

When pressed whether troops will stay if the U.S. doesn’t meet the August 31 deadline, Biden said, “If we don’t, we’ll determine who’s left … and if there’s American citizens left, we’re going to stay until we get them out.”

Concern is growing with reports that Afghans and American citizens are having trouble getting to the airport due to Taliban checkpoints. The U.S. is continuing to communicate with local Taliban commanders on the ground to move people through the checkpoints.

“It comes down a lot to the credentialing and making sure that they can prove — and we can prove — that these are appropriate people to move through. And we have indications this morning that that process is working,” Pentagon press secretary John Kirby told reporters Thursday.

“Overnight, we significantly expanded how many American citizens, locally employed staff, SIV applicants, and other vulnerable Afghans who are eligible for departure, and we offer them to consider transit to the airport,” he told reporters.

In the ABC interview, which aired early Thursday, Biden also defended his administration’s decisions based on the intelligence coming from Afghanistan, saying the intelligence he saw said a Taliban takeover was “more likely by the end of the year,” and that the government’s collapse in such a short time was not anticipated. 

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Afghan Refugees in Turkey Terrified at Taliban Takeover

His comments echoed those of General Mark Milley, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who told reporters Wednesday the time frame of a government collapse “was widely estimated and ranged from weeks to months and even years following our departure.” 

“There was nothing that I or anyone else saw that indicated a collapse of this army and this government in 11 days,” he added.

However, a senior U.S. intelligence official, speaking to VOA on condition of anonymity, said the U.S. community “consistently identified the risk of a rapid collapse of the Afghan government.” 

“We also grew more pessimistic about the government’s survival as the fighting season progressed. … That said, the Afghan government unraveled even more quickly than we anticipated,” the official said.

Carla Babb, Jeff Seldin, Steve Herman contributed to this report.

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[aliyawyg20]

I hate how much I hate my phone while relying on it. I hate how numb I am to messages of encouragement. I hate how many texts I have that I will never read because they’re condolences back from April. I miss feeling like I’m living and hearing the love people have for me.

by no means is this meant to come off as arrogant here, but reading “you are *insert kind thing*” doesn’t go far for me especially if it’s not something I can believe based on how I’m living. hearing that in person -having heart to hearts moves me every time. I miss it so much.

social media addiction is like any addiction -needing a connection to something, probably my spirit to my body. but these apps don’t make me feel connected; in fact, they spiral me into fiending for more instant hits -the hits are aware absences repeated over and over again

until one lands... but they’re never enough. No, social media is not a tool (watch the social dilemma). and, in the worst way, I don’t think I’ll ever deactivate. on my best and busiest days (mainly my better days), I don’t check this shit or care who sees what.

however, the amount of good days I’ve had this year totals to maybe 3 weeks max and that included when my dad was still alive and covid didn’t take him or anything away from me. I had the most perfect day of my life this year, and now every day is a battle for the crumbs of good.

everyday is a fight for the bare minimum and a fight to expand the little things into worthwhile victories. but the truth is, they don’t add up. the worse truth is that this isn’t unfamiliar to me and I’ve been here before. 2016 was bedridden for 7 months with depression after

being expelled and all that trauma. the only reason I’m awake at 5am and asleep until 1pm was because I was too scared to go to sleep because if I did, what if I woke up to worse news. And then I did. And then on April 3rd he was gone. Two weeks and he was gone. And it could’ve

been avoided had had stopped going to work two weeks before and if they just told us that the virus was already here. He’d still be here. And I didn’t think I wanted to be or could be in a world without him. And my world is my apartment and living alone and getting caught up

on every pain or struggle and trying to look it in the eyes and tell it I’m not a victim to it. But as it turns out, sometimes and most days I am; and that’s what grief is. my world is empty and I don’t have the energy to fill it or feed it. my canvas stays blank and artificial.

and I have to believe that one day, this will just be a small part of the whole picture.. But tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and even if it was, I’d probably hate the sludgy picture still anyways. Anyways. I have to pray and trust that one day it will be better because it has to be.

And I have to hope that I will make it to those brighter days so all of this will be worth the wait and the work. It’s a balancing act of doubt and grace. But honestly, I don’t know who I’m rooting for to win.

[noona-clock]

Something’s Brewing❄️☕ - Part 8

Genre: Coffee Shop!AU

Pairing: Jungshin x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

One week later, Jungshin’s brother dropped you off at the airport far too early in the morning (Jungshin had, of course, paid him by filling up the fridge and pantry before leaving since he would be staying at the house with Simba while you were gone). You were, unsurprisingly, very chipper and eager to go. Jungshin was still waking up.

You checked your bags before heading to your gate, and with about an hour to kill, you fished your Kindle out of your bag and began to read.

“What’re you reading?” Jungshin murmured, leaning his head on your shoulder and closing his eyes.

“It’s called Manhunt. It’s about the search for John Wilkes Booth right after he assassinated Lincoln.”

“Mm, cool.”

“I’ll wake you up when it’s time to board,” you whispered, kissing his forehead.

“Thanks.”

You felt the exact moment when Jungshin fell asleep; his head got a bit heavier on your shoulder, and then a few moments later, he started breathing more deeply. You smiled to yourself, reaching over and very gently resting a hand on his thigh.

Ugh, you just loved him so much. You were so freaking excited about this trip.

When the flight attendant came over the loudspeaker to announce it was time to board, you put your Kindle away then reached over to pat Jungshin’s cheek.

“Jungshin,” you whispered.

His brow furrowed, but his eyes stayed closed. “Hmm?”

“It’s time to get on the plane, honey.” You kissed his nose, kind of forgetting there were people around.

He let out a sigh, sitting up a little. “Okay,” he croaked.

You boarded not too much longer after that, finding your seats and putting your carry-on bags up in the overhead compartment. Jungshin, ever the gentleman, allowed you to sit in the window seat. He really didn’t care about sitting next to a stranger, and he could always lean over you if he wanted to see the view.

Once you were seated and buckled, Jungshin slid down in his seat so he could lower his head onto your shoulder again.

“Awww,” you chuckled softly, bringing a hand up to pat his cheek. “Sleepy baby.”

Jungshin reached up and took your hand, linking his fingers through yours and holding it in his lap. This made it difficult for you to put in your earbuds and listen to music, but did you move your hand away? Absolutely not.

The plane took off without any delays, thankfully, and you were on your way to New York in no time.

The flight was a little less than two hours long, which was honestly the perfect amount of time for you. You weren’t terrified of flying, but you didn’t enjoy it, either. You listened to your music the whole time to help keep you relaxed, and holding Jungshin’s hand helped, too (even though he was asleep for all two hours). 

Of course, when it came time to do your skincare, holding his hand wasn’t very helpful. But, again, did you move your hand away? Absolutely not.

When you finally landed, you put your free arm across Jungshin’s chest to keep him from falling forward. He woke up immediately, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

You took one earbud out, smiling over at him. “Morning,” you said softly. “We have arrived.”

“Really?” he murmured, sitting up straight and looking out the window. You were, indeed, back on the ground. Not that he’d been awake when you’d left the ground, but he trusted you.

“How was the flight?” he asked, stretching out his arms as well as he could.

“Not too bad, actually.”

“What’d you do? Did you get any sleep?”

“No, I just listened to music and had my own little spa.”

“Say what now?”

“I did a sheet mask and put on some heavy duty moisturizer. My skin always gets so dry after flying, so I learned to bring some skincare with me and do it on the plane.”

“Can’t wait to see that on the way home.”

“Hey, you can use some if you’d like. Not that you need it. Your skin is amazing.”

“Is it?”

“Um, yeah. Trust me, it is.”

“Hmm. Well, thanks, I guess.”

You slowly got off the plane after getting your bags back down, and picking up your checked luggage proved to go no more quickly. All in all, the whole process, from landing in the airplane to getting a taxi outside the airport, took almost an hour.

Finally, around 1pm, your taxi arrived at The Library Hotel. You had been excited before, but now you were truly in a state of heightened anticipation. You followed Jungshin inside, wheeling your suitcase behind you, and standing next to him at the front desk. You marveled at the lobby, itching to explore the rest of the hotel and especially to see your room.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Lee,” the hotel clerk smiled after Jungshin had handed him his driver’s license. “Your room is ready, so let me get your keys… You’ll be on the 9th floor as you requested, room 900.001.”

“Thank you very much,” Jungshin smiled, taking the keys as the clerk handed them to him.

“Ninth floor?” you asked as you headed toward the elevator. “You requested? Which topic is on the ninth floor?”

“You are so impatient, you know that?”

“Yes.”

“The ninth floor,” he said once the elevator doors had closed behind you. “Is the history floor.”

“Really?!” you gasped, smiling.

“Of course. I wouldn’t let you stay on any other floor.”

“Have I said ‘thank you’ for this trip yet?” You knew you had, at least ten times, but you couldn’t help yourself from saying it again.

“Yes,” he laughed, leaning in to kiss you quickly before the elevator doors opened again.

You found your room easily enough, and Jungshin slid the key into the key slot.

“M’lady,” he said, opening the door and holding it open for you. “Your royal suite awaits.

You entered, biting your lip to keep from smiling like an idiot - though you were fairly sure you were failing miserably. You found the bookshelf by the bed, immediately heading there to see what kind of books were there.

“Ooh, World War I, World War II, the Civil Rights movement… This must be the 20th Century room.”

“I wasn’t sure which one you wanted, and there was no specific American History room…”

“No, this is perfect,” you assured him. “I am not going to complain about anything on this trip. I’m just so thankful you’re taking me.”

Jungshin came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“You deserve it, my love.”

You turned around in his embrace, sliding your arms around his neck. “I don’t deserve any of this, especially you, but I don’t care at this point. I’m just rolling with it.”

“Will you stop saying stuff like that?” He squeezed your waist, frowning down at you. “It’s not true!”

“Okay, sorry. I will, I promise.”

“You owe me a kiss.”

“Yes, sir.” You stood on your toes, tightening your hold on his neck and pressing your lips to his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Are you as starving as I am?”

“Oh, no doubt about it. There’s a burger place over at Bryant Park not too far from here. Also, a sushi place if you’re feeling sushi.”

“Sushi sounds amazing, actually.”

You fished your favorite pink baseball cap and your glasses out of your bag before you left; you hadn’t put on makeup and was now too lazy to even bother. So a hat and glasses it was.

Your first afternoon/evening went as well as you could’ve hoped; your sushi was amazing, and since the restaurant was so close to the New York Public Library, you popped in to have a look around. 

Jungshin took quite a few pictures, mostly candids without your knowledge, but he did have you pose on the steps of the library, and you took a couple selfies. You also usurped his camera and took some pictures of him, too. New York City was just the perfect backdrop for pictures.

After spending at least an hour in the library, you headed down Fifth Avenue to do some shopping. 

One thing you really loved about Jungshin was that he actually liked shopping. He didn’t get bored when you went into a store, and he gave his honest opinions about things you picked out. 

You hit up Zara, Urban Outfitters, Barnes & Nobles, and finally H&M, refraining yourself from doing any major damage. You were here for an entire week, after all, and it was only the very first evening. 

On the way back from your mini-shopping binge, you passed a sandwich shop called ‘Wichcraft, and you decided the name was too clever to pass up. It was already dinner time, too, so it really was perfect.

With stomachs full of sandwiches, you and Jungshin headed back down Fifth Avenue toward your hotel. You were both fairly exhausted from your flight and your afternoon excursions here in the city, so an evening spent cuddling in bed sounded more than delightful right about now. 

You arrived at your hotel, put your shopping bags away, got ready for the night...and then promptly fell onto the bed.

“Well, I would say we made good use of our time today,” you said, yawning.

“I would agree. Two good meals, a historic landmark, and shopping? We’re basically pros at this tourist thing now.”

“We are!” you laughed, rolling onto your side to face him. “I can but also can’t believe this is our first trip together.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mm,” you nodded. “I can believe it because we haven’t been anywhere else. But I can’t because it feels like we’ve been together forever.”

“And yet it’s only been six months.”

“Right?! Crazy.”

After you talked a little more, you begged him to get out his laptop and upload the photos he’d taken. You wanted to share one of you at the library on Instagram. 

You had, of course, been posting a lot to your Instagram story, as had Jungshin, but the pictures Jungshin had taken looked so good. 

You picked one of the candids you didn’t hate (one of you putting a book back on the shelf) and had him AirDrop it to your phone. Once you had added all the filters and adjusted all the settings to your liking, you typed out your caption. 

You chuckled as you wrote, hiding your phone from Jungshin and telling him he’d have to wait until you finished, just like everyone else.

Finally, you pressed the ‘share’ button, causing the notifications to pop up on Jungshin’s phone.

yourusername just shared a post

yourusername just mentioned you in a comment

He immediately liked the picture, as usual, before reading the caption.

yourusername Observe! A rare sighting of a pink-headed Y/N in her natural habitat. #thatbooknerdlife #belleismyspiritguide @nypl | Photo by @leejungshin91

“How do you come up with captions like that?” he asked, chuckling.

“Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.”

You got a notification then, picking up your phone to see Taylor had left a comment.

cnbluefan This is so cute!!! @leejungshin91 is such a talented photographer. I’m already loving following along with you guys! Makes me want to visit New York! Can’t wait to see more pictures and posts on your stories. P.s. your captions are the best 😂

You read it out loud to Jungshin, and he knew right away he had to reply!

leejungshin91 @cnbluefan I literally just asked her how she comes up with these captions!! 😂🤔 also thanks for the compliment 🙏

Jungshin posted his own picture of him walking up ahead of the camera, the busy streets and buildings providing a nice backdrop. He couldn’t think of a caption so he simply put

leejungshin91 🏃🏙 #nyc

📸 by @yourusername

You put your phones away then, and you picked out a book on the Kennedy assassination from the bookshelf by your bed.

“It’s story time,” you smirked, lifting up the covers and snuggling under.

Jungshin chuckled, rolling his eyes a little as he cuddled up to you. He, of course, fell asleep as you were reading, but you really didn’t expect anything different.

The next morning, you awoke around 7. You’d woken up a few times already, but it had been too early for you to justify actually getting up. Now, you started to slip out of bed to take a quick shower, hoping not to wake up Jungshin.

You didn’t even manage to set one foot on the floor before your plan was destroyed. His arm was laying across your middle, and when you sat up, he let out a sleepy groan and tightened his hold on you. Letting out a sigh, you laid back down, turning to face him.

“I need to take a shower,” you whispered, even though you knew he wasn’t fully awake.

“Mm,” he hummed, his brow furrowed.

God, he was so cute, what were you supposed to do?

...Well. You could think of one thing.

You scooted closer, your noses brushing, and you gently placed your lips on his. You let one hand roam down his chest until it got to the hem of his t-shirt, your fingers slipping underneath. You needed to take a shower anyway, and he needed to wake up, so…

You continued to kiss him, managing to push him onto his back so you could straddle his hips. When you took his hands and put them on your thighs, you finally felt him stir.

“Good morning,” you murmured against his lips before tugging at his lower lip with your teeth. He groaned softly, just barely kissing you back. You moved your hands back to the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and eventually getting it over his head.

“What’re you doing?” he muttered, his voice thick with sleep.

You bent over him, placing your lips on his bare shoulder then moving them down to his chest. “Kissing you,” you answered, your lips brushing against his skin.

“But it’s so early.”

“Okay, I’ll stop.” You sat back up and moved to get off him, but his hands - still on your thighs - tightened their grip.

“I wasn’t complaining. Just stating a fact.” His eyes were fully open now, and his fingers danced their way up your thigh, playing with the hem of your pajama shorts.

“So, I can continue kissing you?” you asked, innocently twirling the drawstring from his pants around your finger.

“Please do.”

You resumed kissing his chest and shoulders, but that only lasted for about thirty seconds before Jungshin flipped you over onto your back and had his way with you…

Over an hour later, you and Jungshin were on the hunt for a good breakfast spot. You were both wide awake and feeling refreshed after a shower, and you were feeling particularly good about your outfit and makeup today. You were just wearing a plain white t-shirt with a light leather jacket, ripped jeans and your white Converse, but you felt so chic for some reason. 

Maybe it was your purple lipstick. Come to think of it, it probably was. Purple lipstick always made you feel just a bit more confident.

After finding a quaint coffee shop not too far away and feasting on croissants and hot, caffeinated beverages, you started on your adventures for the day.

Today was art museum day; you had plans to visit The Met and MoMA, and if you had time later, The Whitney. You had found some cool-sounding restaurants for lunch and dinner, and any and everywhere you went was sure to be picture and Instagram worthy.

As far as first days of a trip go, this one was pretty perfect. You walked all the way up to the Upper East Side, strolling along the edge of Central Park before arriving at The Met. 

You admired all kinds of historic art, and the place was so huge you spent over two hours there. 

As you headed back down to MoMA, you decided to walk through Central Park to take some pictures. You spent quite a bit more time there than expected what with all the beautiful scenery and opportunities for pictures (plus, you’d had to trek over to the other side of the park to see the John Lennon memorial), and by the time you were headed to MoMA, both of you were absolutely starving.

You checked your phone and saw one of the places you’d found earlier, PizzArte, was just around the corner. Everything sounded good to you right now, but pizza sounded especially good, so it wasn’t a tough decision to make.

As you ate, you looked up all the musicals and plays currently on Broadway, hoping you could get tickets for something tomorrow afternoon or evening.

“OOH, Anastasia!!!!” you cried when you saw it on the list.

“Like the cartoon movie?”

“YEAH! I forgot that already opened! Can we go see that, please?!”

“Whatever you want to see, we will see,” he assured you, winking.

“Well, except Hamilton. Tickets aren’t available until November, I checked.”

“But we’ll still go see the theater.”

“Right! Excited about that! Okay, let’s look at tickets…” You found some fairly good seats for relatively cheap, so you bought them quickly. 

And you consequently spent the next few hours being way too excited about it. Including when you were in MoMA. You admired the art respectfully, of course, but every so often you would tug on Jungshin’s sleeve and whisper ‘We’re going to see Anastasia tomorrow.’

When you exited your second art museum of the day, you decided to make your way back to your hotel for a breather. You still had plans to visit one more art museum down on the other side of town, so you needed to recharge before heading out for the evening.

As you were resting up in your hotel room, you obviously took the opportunity to go through all the pictures you’d taken and post your favorites on Instagram. You chose one you had taken of Jungshin at the pizza place as well as two of your favorite pieces of art from the museums and a selfie of the two of you in Central Park.

yourusername Day ☝ in NYC: Pizza ✅ Art museums ✅ Central Park ✅ Good times ✅

Jungshin decided to save his Instagram post for later, opting instead to call one of his assistant managers at The Grind to see how things were going. He ended up talking to him for a while, and if you weren’t back at the hotel doing nothing, you would’ve been kind of annoyed. He was supposed to be on vacation, after all. But you weren’t doing anything important, so it really wasn’t a huge deal.

Once you felt fully (well, almost fully) rested, and your phone and camera batteries were all charged, you headed to the nearest Subway station to make your way toward Greenwich Village where the Whitney was located. You were also looking forward to going to Chelsea Market since it’s where all the Food Network studios were, and Jungshin was excited to walk along the High Line and take more pictures.

Since The Whitney was open until 10pm on Saturdays, you decided to hit up the High Line while it was still light outside. You were a little disappointed to find it was just a glorified sidewalk, but Jungshin had too much fun taking pictures with the greenery and the buildings. He was so cute and happy, you forgot you’d even been disappointed in the first place.

Dinner was next on the schedule, and Chelsea Market did not disappoint. You had Asian inspired tacos and marveled at the warehouse aesthetic of the building. There was even a spot with pretty fairy lights hung on the wall that was the perfect background for a picture. 

Jungshin forced you to stand in front of it, telling you what to do and how to pose since you really had no idea. You basically had your own little photo shoot right there, but the pictures turned out awesome, so… Totally worth the public embarrassment.

You eventually headed toward The Whitney (though you made a quick stop in a Sephora on the way there because -- Sephora), taking in the sights and sounds of Greenwich Village on the way. The Whitney was definitely one of the “cooler” museums; smaller and in a more hipster location while also featuring lesser-known modern artists. But it was just as awe-inspiring as The Met and MoMA, and you were glad the two of you had made time to visit.

You hopped back on the Subway after exiting the museum, heading up toward your hotel in Midtown. It wasn’t quite dark outside yet, but you’d had a full day and were both ready to settle in for the night.

Jungshin, of course, uploaded all his pictures from his camera as soon as you got back into your room. He was extremely pleased with how they’d come out, and he honestly had a hard time picking which one(s) to post. He knew he could post more later as some #TBTs, but still. 

After much debate and some input from the model (a.k.a you), he decided on posting two pictures from the fairy lights room in Chelsea Market. They were two very similar pictures: close-ups of you, except one was a more casual pose, one hand on your hair by your ear and your eyes downcast as one side of your mouth pulled up ever so slightly in a half smile-half smirk, while the other was one of you genuinely laughing. You’d been laughing at yourself, of course, but for all anyone else knew, you were laughing at something funny Jungshin had said.

He edited the pictures to make both your lipstick and the fairy lights behind you pop before uploading them to Instagram.

leejungshin91 When you find a girl who puts up with your photography obsession (and who just so happens to look stunning on camera) 👌😍💜 @chelseamarketny

You just rolled your eyes when you read the caption, fighting off a blush. “Whatever,” you murmured.

“What do you mean ‘whatever’?” Jungshin exclaimed, tackling you back onto the bed. He kept you pinned there until you admitted you were pretty and photogenic which didn’t take long once he started tickling you.

You were able to free yourself after quite the struggle, darting into the bathroom and locking the door so you could get ready for bed. When you emerged, you went to your suitcase and grabbed your laptop and earbuds, bringing them with you to the bed.

“What’s that?” Jungshin asked, eyes wide and brow furrowed.

“...My laptop?”

“Why do you need your laptop?”

“Because I want to catch up on my YouTube subscriptions.” It had been a couple days, and you were sure you had more than a few conspiracy theory videos and makeup tutorials to watch.

“But… I wanted to cuddle.”

“I can cuddle and watch YouTube at the same time! It’s called multitasking.”

“Okay,” he sighed, lifting up the covers for you. You snuggled in, plugging in your earbuds, only sticking one in your ear on the opposite side of Jungshin.

You propped your head and shoulders up against your pillow, Jungshin lying down beside you, resting his head on your arm and his own arm across your stomach. 

He tried nuzzling your neck, caressing your side with his thumb, wrapping his leg over yours, but your focus never wavered from your videos. Finally, he tilted his head and started kissing your jaw, savoring the feel of your skin against his lips. You simply brought a hand up to cover his face, though you did say ‘I love you’ very sweetly.

Obviously, he was getting nowhere, so he decided to just look at his phone until he got sleepy. He knew not every night had to be fun, but still. He couldn’t help but be a tiny, teeny bit bummed. 

Tomorrow was a new day, however, and you had talked about doing typical tourist things - Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Ground Zero, and the like. He was quite looking forward to it.

Even though You and Jungshin didn’t get the next morning started off in exactly the same way as the previous one, it still turned out to be an extremely enjoyable day. 

You did end up being the epitome of NYC tourists, complete with ending the night seeing a Broadway show - which was fantastic, by the way. You kept grabbing onto Jungshin’s arm because you loved this movie growing up, and seeing it on stage was a bit emotional for you.

You decided to walk back to your hotel after the show since it really wasn’t that far, and the night was beautiful. If only you could see the stars; then it would be perfect.

“So, what was your favorite part of day two?” you asked as you waited to cross a street, clinging onto Jungshin’s hand and arm.

“Hmmm… I really enjoyed the Empire State building,” he said, though he looked like he was still thinking. “Ellis Island was really cool, too, though. ...Yeah, I think I liked those two the best. OH, I also really liked where we went for lunch.”

“George’s! Yeah, that was delicious.”

“What about you? What was your favorite part?”

“Anastasia,” you replied immediately as you started to walk across the street.

“I figured,” he chuckled, glancing over at you. “It was really good.”

“I would like to see at least one more while we’re here,” you said, furrowing your brow as you tried to remember which shows were playing. Besides Hamilton.

“We can look tonight and see what we can find.”

“Okay!” You squeezed his hand, skipping a little bit in excitement.

“You’ve been in a really good mood since we got here,” he pointed out, smiling.

“Well, yeah. I’m here with you doing all this fun stuff. How could I be in a bad mood?”

“You’ve got a point.”

You tugged on his hand, pulling him closer to you and kissing him quickly as you walked. “I love you,” you said softly.

“I love you more.”

“Oh, god. NO. We are not starting that again.”

“Sorry! Sorry, I won’t, I promise.”

When you got back to the hotel, you looked up the other shows on Broadway, finally deciding to see School of Rock on Tuesday night. You were both a big fan of the movie, so it had been an easy decision.

“You sure you won’t tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?” you asked again, trying to look extra cute and adorable to try and break him down.

“I’m sure,” Jungshin replied for the seventeenth time. “We’re doing it early on in the day, so you don’t have to wait too much longer.”

If you couldn’t coerce him by being cute, maybe you could go the other way on the scale.

You closed the lid of his laptop, moving it to the side table before you straddled his hips. “There’s something else I don’t want to wait for…” you said softly, brushing your lips against his.

“I’m still not telling you.”

“Damn it!”

“But I will gladly take what you were about to offer.”

“You can wait.” You moved off him, getting under the covers and lying down facing away from him.

He simply shook his head, smirking to himself before settling under the covers, too. 

The next morning, you didn’t wake up until 8 (though you did wake up a couple times during the night). You were still the first one awake, though, and since Jungshin wasn’t cuddling you at the moment, you were able to get out of bed and take a shower without disturbing him.

Jungshin woke up not long afterward, turning his head to see the bed was already empty save for him. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom, and he entertained the idea of going in there to join you… But then he thought better of it. He would probably end up telling you all the surprises he had left in the trip, and that would be no bueno.

Instead, he got out his phone and waited for you to emerge. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long, because right after he pulled up Instagram he heard the water turn off. The door opened a couple minutes later, and Jungshin glanced up from his phone to smile at you.

“Morning, sunshine.” It was the first time he’d spoken, so his voice still sounded a bit groggy.

“Morning!” You replied, “How’d you sleep?”

He watched as you sat down at the desk near the foot of the bed to do your makeup, admiring your outfit - a striped shirt, black ripped jeans, and a light wash jean jacket. “Same way I always do,” he replied. “What about you? Did you wake up at all?”

“Yeah, a couple times. Around 1 and 4, I think.”

“You know you can always wake me up if you need to. If you need me to scratch your back or something.”

“I did think about it, honestly, but you were totally knocked out. You looked so cute.”

Jungshin blushed, finally getting out of bed to go brush his teeth and get changed. “No, really, you can wake me up. I’m not grumpy when I wake up.”

“You’re right, you’re not. Huh. I never really noticed that.”

“I’m not really a morning person, but I’m not grumpy in the mornings, either.”

You did your makeup while Jungshin got ready, putting on everything you normally did. But when you got to your lipstick, you were stuck.

“What do you think, babe?” you asked, taking out a red lipstick and a pink lipstick. “Red or pink?”

Jungshin came up behind you, resting his hands on the back of your chair. “Definitely red. Red and black is a classic combo.”

“Red it is.” You put the pink lipstick away then opened the red, leaning in toward the mirror and applying it carefully.

“You look really good today,” he said, looking at you in the mirror.

“Aw, thanks.”

“I mean, you look good all the time. But today you just look… There’s something about that outfit. And the red lipstick is the perfect touch.”

“I feel like guys always like red lipstick,” You pointed out, standing up and turning toward him. “Usually when I wear it, a guy will comment on my makeup. And that never happens.”

“Guys are weird.”

“I know, right?”

You headed out once you grabbed your purse, planning on going to another nearby coffee shop for breakfast.

“So,” Jungshin began when you left the shop with your pastries and drinks. “We need to be at The Battery by 11.”

“The Battery by 11. Okay.” You immediately started trying to figure out what you could be doing, but you had no idea. You figured it was probably a tour since you had to be there by a certain time.

“The Battery is down near where we were yesterday, down by where we got on the boat for Ellis Island and stuff. So, let’s head down there now, and I’m sure we can find stuff to do while we wait.”

“Sounds like a plan, my man.”

You went back to the same Subway station as yesterday, following the same route you took previously. You looked up what else you could do, and you gasped when you saw the National Archives were across the street.

“Yes, we can go.”

“You are literally the best boyfriend in the whole entire universe, I’m not even joking.”

He chuckled, blushing a little bit as he reached over to pat your knee. “You do tell good jokes, though, just for the record.”

When you arrived down in the Financial District, you headed right to the National Archives. You were so in your element, it wasn’t even funny. You even got into a conversation with an employee there which Jungshin had never witnessed before - you willingly talking to a stranger, that is.

Jungshin noticed when it was 10:30, and he tried to tell you it was time to leave as delicately as he could. But he knew you wouldn’t be disappointed when you reached your final destination.

“Will you tell me what we’re doing now?” you asked once you were outside and headed toward Battery Park.

There really wasn’t any more time to keep it a secret, was there? He took your hand, biting back a smile. “We are going on a tour called ‘Hamilton’s Wall Street.’”

“As in... Alexander?”

“That’s the one. We’ll get to see important places on Wall Street and around this area and hear about what he did.”

“Nuh uh, that is so cool!” You squeezed his hand, jumping up and down a little as you walked.

You were enraptured the moment the tour started, hanging on the tour guide’s every word. And when he asked a question about something - anything - you always knew the answer. You quickly gained the reputation of being the nerdy smarty pants in your tour group, and Jungshin was so proud.

You talked a while at The Battery before moving on to Federal Hall and Trinity Church. The tour ended at Fraunces Tavern, a place Hamilton apparently frequented, where you ended up just staying for lunch. Once the tour guide left and you and Jungshin were sitting at your table to eat, you reached over to take his hand.

“That was unbelievable,” you said, smiling widely. “Thank you so much for doing that.”

“I thought you would like it.”

“No, I didn’t like it.”

“You loved it.”

You just smiled again, nodding your head once as you tangled your feet with his underneath the table.

Once you finished lunch they headed toward the Brooklyn Bridge, one of your favorite things in all of New York. On the other side, you headed toward Brooklyn Bridge Park and decided to just relax and take it easy. You still had three more full days left in the city; plenty of time left to be busy. Now it was time to slow down and live in the moment. 

You didn’t take your phones out, Jungshin barely took any pictures. You simply walked, talked, sat, admired the scenery, and enjoyed each other’s company.

That is, until you got hungry. You whipped out your phone then, finding a Polish diner nearby with really good reviews.

After feasting on kielbasa and pierogis, you figured out a Subway route to get back to your hotel and hopped on the next train heading midtown to settle in for the night. 

Your trip was just about halfway over now, and you could safely say it was one of the best vacations you’d ever been on.

You couldn’t wait to see what the next few days had in store.

Part 9

Tagging @cramelot  @veryhotkpop  @daelicious-jongbulge  @askmalstwin  @elysjin @shinrin-yokeu @lovebuginlove @lost-girl-inc @takura-rin @katrina-noona to let them know this has been posted! Readers, if you would like to be added to this list, let me know! Thank you!!

-Admin B

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[queenforanight]

Jessica At DragWorld UK

If you’ve been paying attention over the last few weeks (or if you’ve been on my Instagram at practically any point yesterday) you would have known that I went to DragWorld UK yesterday. Needless to say I had a blast, but I want people to have a more in-depth view on why I enjoyed it and why I would recommend it for any crossdressers or trans people who are looking to build confidence in themselves.

Let’s go through this picture by picture then.

The Journey.

This was the first picture of the day, the train ride up to London. This was, by far, the most nerve-wracking experience I have ever had. I’ve been out as Jessica before but only during the evening/night time; going out during daylight hours meant I was a much easier giveaway as a guy in a dress and wig.

Fortunately there was no trouble, and I had my friends around me if there was, but there are a few things we did to make the trip as easy as possible:

1. Plan a route, then plan a backup route.

Obviously you need to know where you’re going and how to get there, but it’s important to have a fallback plan too. This way if your original route doesn’t work you know exactly what to do, rather than standing around wondering what to do while also trying to hide from prying eyes.

2. Wear sunglasses.

I wanted those sunglasses because I thought I looked good in them, but they helped so much with travelling too. Hiding your eyes makes you more difficult to recognise, so it doesn’t matter if people know you’re a bloke in a wig since they can’t tell who you are.

It also means you can look around without people knowing, which is really handy for the next point.

3. Don’t go looking for trouble.

I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: people will notice, people will stare. I am by no means flawless; my voice has the pitch and subtlety of a tuba and I’m constantly forgetting to keep my legs closed like most other women do when wearing skirts.

People knew, most people stared, some people talked and a couple even asked me. Apart from the couple that approached me (they were really nice by the way) I completely ignored the rest. The sunglasses meant I was aware of them but I didn’t need to react, just to keep an eye on them.

Reacting to stares and comments would have only made the situation worse and, at the end of the day, their meaningless glares and whispers made no difference to me.

4. If possible, travel at ungodly hours.

My friends were complaining most of the morning that we had to leave at 6 in the morning, but they completely understood why. Travelling earlier meant that fewer people were awake and on the trains, meaning it was significantly less likely for anyone to start anything.

Like I said, there were glares and whispers, but no-one could really be bothered to do anything about it that early in the morning.

Arriving At DragWorld.

Sorry about the grumpy face here; I’m not the biggest fan of queuing. 

I’ll be honest, when we arrived I was quite disappointed on the lack of men in drag on arrival. I think in total I saw 3, maybe 4 while we were queuing to get in; obviously this is no fault of the convention producers, just something I thought I’d comment on.

The best thing, however, was that by this point any confidence issues I had while travelling had completely disappeared. The sunglasses were off, the heels were on and the conversations began.

There was not a single bad vibe in the entire building, and no one had a problem with throwing around compliments on anything they could (my heels were popular, JustFab better send me some commission for the amount of advertising I did for them in that queue).

There’s not much else to say at this point; I mean, it’s queuing... not exactly exciting content to comment on.

Finally We’re Fucking Inside.

Ok in all honesty the queue wasn’t that long, I just really don’t like waiting.

The first thing we did was run straight to the DragWorld sign for a group picture, and it is by far my favourite picture from the convention (despite the fact that standing amongst 3 beautiful women only emphasises the fact that I’m simply a falsely-glorified crossdresser).

The muscle-definition on those legs though... If the magazine fails I’ll just model socks instead.

Inside was genuinely overwhelming. Despite having all day I felt like there was so much to do without much time to do it. Makeup shops, wig stand, drag queens... it was hard to know where to start and what I wanted to do the most.

At this point I should give some kind of recommendation on what to do, but to be perfectly honest I wouldn’t know what to say! I spent about half an hour just gushing followed by another half an hour making sure my makeup was perfect (I’m a vain creature leave me alone).

The only advice I can give is to take it easy. It was extremely easy to get overwhelmed by everything and want to visit it all NOW. It’s all going to be there all day, just take your time and make your way through one stall at a time. You don’t need to rush anything.

Holy Shit Everyone Here Is So Nice What’s The Catch?

Fuck me I am the definition of glamour and class...

I’m gonna be down to earth here. I’ve worked on conferences and conventions before (both as a volunteer and for a full time job) and I can easily say this was the friendliest and most welcoming audience I’ve ever experienced.

Everyone only had nice things to say about each other, even when in disagreement. I saw two people debating over the best winner of Ru Paul’s Drag Race and it was a genuine debate, not a heated argument.

Every single person I spoke to only had nice things to say about my look. Even when I forced them to give some kind of critique or something for me to work on (believe me, it was difficult to get people to say something negative) everything was said in a constructive manner and was still backed up by some kind of compliment.

I met a lot of people; men, women, queens, kings, and everything in between. I’m so glad I got to make new friends and even got to meet someone who, for some unknown reason, was a fan of this blog (if you’re reading this; hi there! hope you ended up getting Katya’s autograph).

I know this is obvious, but I still want to mention it for the more cautious reader. By this point, there was not a single confidence issue in the entire building. Some people were outspoken and others were more shy, but not a single person was felt uncomfortable about their appearance. I think that’s extremely important and certainly something I would’ve loved to have known 7 years ago when I started this blog.

Some Last Advice.

I could go on all day about my time at DragWorld, but I’ve got an appointment with my bed and it’s not good practice to kill your audience through boredom.

I’m going to be uploading a photodump of the remaining pictures from DragWorld at some point during the coming week, but I just want to leave you Queens with some final advice on what I’d recommend at conventions like this:

1. Get involved.

There was a fair amount to do at DragWorld, and I went for as much as I could. Dress up booths (the hat above is unfortunately not mine), makeup stands, even meeting other Queens; there was so much to do and it was all worth doing.

I’m not telling people to jump out of their comfort zone (they had lip-synch battles and there was no way I’d be joining in on that), but try to push yourself. I’m not an overly charismatic person (shocker I know) but simply talking to other guests was such an enriching experience.

2. Don’t Worry Too Much About Your Appearance.

When I first saw another Queen in the queue my first thoughts were something along the lines of “holy shit they look amazing/why did I leave the house this morning looking like a bin bag smeared with lipstick?”

There were plenty of Queens who looked so polished; some where working the convention and some were guests. I could’ve spent the entire day worrying about how I didn’t look as good, or I could just enjoy myself (I took the latter).

The second I stopped mucking around with my makeup was the second I started to actually enjoy myself. By the end of the day I had completely forgotten I even had makeup on and didn’t top my lipstick up until I accidentally left a mark on some poor guy’s face (sorry about that!)

3. Bring Flats Holy Blistering Fuck Bring Flats.

I like to think I’m a strong-willed Queen with a high pain threshold (I’m not, but I’ll go on pretending), but I am so glad I bought flats with me.

I managed to last half the day in heels, but by 1pm(ish) my feet were ready to fall off and I was walking like I was trying to avoid dog shit in the park. Needless to say it was not a glamorous look.

After switching into flats the walking became a lot easier to handle, and I got just as many compliments on my flats as I did on my heels. No one really cared that I had switched, and anyone I spoke to about it completely agreed.

Well... I did say I could spend all day talking about DragWorld. I’ve got so much more to talk about however I need to save some material for the magazine.

By the way, the magazine now has a site and I’m aiming to go live in September! I’ll announce on both this blog and my Instagram when the first issue is out, or you could subscribe now and get an email notification instead.

Just a heads-up though: I’m paying for this magazine out of my own pocket and I need it to be self-sustaining through subscriptions to justify keeping up. If I can’t see that happening after the first month I may have to take it down, possibly for good.

If you’re looking to do me a favour, subscribe sooner rather than later and don’t leave it to others. I’ve made the magazine quite cheap (especially in comparison to other magazines) and it’s already lined up with tonnes of content from myself and other fabulous crossdressers.

Thanks for reading this beast of a post. Like always if you have any questions please send them my way, and make sure to follow me on Instagram if you haven’t already!

- Jessica Blaise x x

[soysaucevictim]

Week 4 + SNOWFIGHT 2019 shenanigans, in this one.

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Dec. 14

Again, I woke up a bit before 1PM. :P

Did a bit of the former usual (I had been participating in the YouTube Walkout, the past few days), before getting in some exercise.

First, today’s DD. 20 superman stretches with EC. Wasn't sure about my clothing choices while doing it, but this wasn't an issue. This was pretty doable, all around.

Second, Day 14 of the ‘19AC. 30″ alt arm/leg raise hold. It was a bit sloppy and I took at least one false start before doing “good enough“, to do it in one go.

Third, Day 7 of the FCP. Endurance, Level 3. I wasn’t sure if this workout meant to specify any rest times in between exercises, so I decided to spend the allotted 12′ keeping the arms lifted. That was certainly tough, but I felt I was capable of doing it!

(After moving in the new recliner, which may or may not be counted as “planned exercise”, and laundry and cleaning... part of which was because bro was clearly unhappy about some stuff and I kind of wanted to take some slack for him. I got this all done rather late.)

Fourth, and intermittently, as mentioned - SNOWFIGHT 2019. This time, it’s squats, not burpees, so I think I may be able to properly stick this one out (if I can manage my time well). This day, I had 8 snowballs thrown at me, and I dodged all of them (before midnight rolled around).

Fifth, Day 18 of the KMC. 160 side kicks, switch legs halfway. My right hip has been acting up the past few days (possibly aggravated by ill-fitting PJs), so I think this was reasonably helpful. Was a bit challenging to get in in one go - but still very doable.

Sixth, Day 18 of the DHC. 1′ dead hang. Hit failure at about 50" again. Did make up the time, very soon after. But I'll keep trying my best. If I can improve my first set times much before the challenge is done, I’ll be happy enough, at this point.

Last, Day 18 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

That Dad seems to be happy about the recliner.

That my plan for furniture placements worked out.

For these fun Fitstivities from DAREBEE.

One of the last things I did today was drafting this post and watching my bro game, before turning in too late again.

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Dec. 15

I woke up closer to noon today.

I got started on exercise pretty early, today.

First, and intermittently, SF‘19. This day, I had 79 snowballs thrown at me, and I dodged 74 of them (before midnight rolled around).  After the first 15, I also started to do the rest of the event’s squats with 3.5 lbs wrist weights for ech hand. That was a pretty enjoyable decision!

Second, today’s DD. 10 circle push-ups without EC. I just felt my form was too sloppy - a bit too sore and tired.

Third, Day 15 of the ‘19AC. 1′ O-pose. I still very much enjoy this exercise - it’s very meditative.

Fourth, Day 8 of the FCP. Cardio, Level 3. I rested a bit under 1′ in between sets to make it a bit more challenging. Did get a bit winded, but I think my feet didn’t appreciate the slight abrasion built up during it all. Still, it was quite fun!

Fifth, Day 19 of the KMC.120 turning kicks + 120 turning kicks. Did it in one go on 60/60 + 60/60. Pretty doable work.

Sixth, Day 19 of the DHC. 2x10″ dead hangs. I didn’t do a separate warmup this time, since those jacks did p good to accomplish that. This was pretty manageable - as expected.

Last, Day 19 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

That the Impossible Whopper is so good? I know it’s got a lot of salt in it, but as long as BK offers it, my enthusiasm for that restaurant would remain relatively warm. (Other offerings are p underwhelming.)

That Grandma will be able to get me to my appointment tomorrow.

For how useful applications like Excel are (it makes tracking stuff like SF’19 manageable.)

(I realize a lot of these items have been food-related... but they’re pretty easy to think of. :P )

After showering, more SF’19, and YouTube - I went to bed. In the red zone, which was not the best decision - since I had to be up early.

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Dec. 16

Because I had appointments, I got up around 8AM. And it definitely could’ve been a far smoother experience. My alarm either didn’t go off or I didn’t hear it or whatever - but I woke up to some honking outside.

I didn’t expect the county transport to come get me to the facility - having arranged to get picked up by Grandma. So I opted not to get into the van and started scrambling to get ready. I then buzzed her phone a few times, getting increasingly distressed about if she forgot or was held up.

Thankfully, she did get me to the facility on time, and I regret frustrating and waking up my brother from all my pacing and loudness. I had to spend a few hours getting an assessment and service plan done with the therapist - which was pretty productive work.

Got home, I noted feeling unsettled at some point when home. I think it was because of feeling some sympathy for my brother and what’s going on with him. Other than that, YouTube, and Twitter, I did my exercise.

First, and intermittently, SF‘19. This day, I had 164 snowballs thrown at me, and I dodged 149 of them (before midnight rolled around).

Second, today’s DD. 10 jump squats with EC. This, plus some dodged snowballs, helped some of my frayed nerves, today. :P

Third, Day 16 of the ‘19AC. 2′ side splits. This was a pretty fun challenge.

Fourth, Day 9 of the FCP. Challenge, 100 climbers. Done in 1 set. This was also doable.

Fifth, Day 20 of the KMC. “12 balance kicks side & turning both each leg, no putting your foot down.“ I just remembered that I was able to meet this requirement.

Last, Day 20 of the DHC. 1′10″ dead hang. I managed it in ~55"+15". My first failure time is definitely improving - so I know I'm making progress! :D

Despite needing to get up early again tomorrow, hit the red zone again. orz

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Dec. 17

I woke up a bit after 8AM, today.

First, and intermittently the last day of the SNOWFIGHT ‘19. This day, I had 149 snowballs thrown at me, and I dodged 169 of them (including some catch-up from older posts).

I dodged all 400 snowballs thrown at me, for this event (if it were burpees, I might’ve dropped out earlier!) I let a lot of my stock melt by the end... but, I managed to spend more than half of the ammunition I had on other Bees (434/802)! Yay for spreadsheets, my dudes.

Second, today’s DD. 1′ plank punches with EC. I counted 44 punches thrown in the time given and enjoyed that punching part the most. I definitely could've used some more sleep, though! :,D

Third, Day 17 of the ‘19AC. 1′ knee balance hold  (back arch balance hold). Not much to say other than I love this exercise!

Fourth, Day 10 of the FCP. Abs & Core, Level 3. I think “keep the plank throughout” was a typo, since there was only one plank in the whole sequence. But overall, it was pretty fun.

Fifth, Day 21 of the KMC. 100 double side kicks. Did it in 50/50, in one go... more or less, a computer alarm did go off and interrupt it for a few seconds. But that was largely a consequence of doing it way too damn late.

Last, Day 21 of the DHC. 2x10″ dead hangs. Pretty manageable work. Even though I don’t like disrupting my schedule so badly - this was merciful given my energy levels.

I was so exhausted by the end of it, that I didn’t get around to DGC but did get to bed in the yellow zone again.

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Dec. 18

I woke up proper about 1PM, today. :P

Mostly wound up  on the unusual business... and getting back on Steam. So I wound up not getting around to making dinner and exercising very late. Maybe it’s from some jet lag from having to run on too little sleep 2 days in a row. T_T

First, today’s DD. 15 diamond push-ups with EC. Still think my form for this variation is consistently better than standard grip. Have no idea why, but I'm not complaining! :P

Second, Day 18 of the ‘19AC. 1′ one arm plank, 30″/30″ in one go. Tough, but largely because I chose not to put the timer on the floor. :/

Third, Day 11 of the FCP. Tendon Strength. This was pretty challenging too, but that’s tendon strength work for you. Did feel pretty nice afterwards, though.

Fourth, Day 22 of the KMC. 140 turning kicks + 140 turning kicks. Split the kick types into 2 sets, with a pretty short rest (probably about ~20″.)

Fifth, Day 22 of the DHC. 1′20″ dead hang. I'm at a point where I know I can't expect to keep one-shotting things. But I am noticing progress. My first set was a full 1'! Those last seconds were pretty tense - as my left hand was failing before my right - I managed to beat my PB!

Last, Day 20 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

That Grandma got me to that appointment in time, earlier this week.

That my therapist managed to take a bit of time to check-in before we went into the assessment and service plan work.

[Retroactively, from Jan. 1 - ] for how good peppermint is in coffee.

After jotting most of this down, I went to bed, a bit late.

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Dec. 19

I woke up around 8AM, today.

Got to the facility, socialized and worked on some more art before going to WRAP and Grounding Grps. Also while there, I did today’s DD. 50 squat hold side bends with EC. Did this one wile I was out at the facility, today. I had fun with it! 

Got home, did a lot of the usual for some hours until getting the rest of my exercise taken care of.

Second, Day 19 of the ‘19AC. 2′ side leg raise hold. This took some doing, but I’m just glad I got through it.

Third, Day 12 of the Fit Christmas Program. Challenge, 200 high knees. I split this into 2 sets of 100, after a warm-up of a few march steps. Manageable, if a bit winding.

I’m pretty happy with my foray with this short and sweet program. It was nice to be able to Level 3 (for the relevant days), one-going the Tendon Strength, and doing most of the Challenge Days in no more than 2 sets (jumping jacks and high knees).

Fourth, Day 23 of the KMC. 3x 20 slow side kicks + 20 fast side kicks. Also doable work - takes a bit more focus to deliberately do slow kicks.

Last, Day 23 of the DHC. 2x10″ dead hangs. Given lack of sleep, I liked the timing for an easier day. Not much else to really say other than that.

I think because tired and distracted... didn’t do the DGC stuff. Again. And I STILL got to bed too damn late again. :I

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Dec. 20

I got up  about 2PM, today. Oops.

Did a bit of the usual as well as some errands, trying on a binder, and doing a bit of impromptu sewing, before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 1′ flutter kicks with EC. I'm pretty sure I managed to hit 100 reps by the time was up. I made the effort to keep lower back flush against floor - so that engaged my abs so much more and took some willpower by the end.

Second, Day 20 of the ‘19AC. 1′ get-up hold. Did the 30″/30″ in one go. Definitely a challenge, I did get to trembling and had to be mindful of how much tension occurred in my hamstrings. But I got through it, without leg cramps or anything.

Third, Day 24 of the KMC. “14 balance kicks side & turning both each leg, no putting your foot down.“ This took a bit of focus, but I’m still doing pretty well for these days of the challenge.

Fourth, Day 24 of the DHC. 1′30″ dead hang. I managed it in ~4 sets (55"+20"+10"+5"; give/take a couple seconds.) That was pretty intense! Though I didn't meet my PB, I'm just happy I was able to hold on for at least 50" in the first set. Left hand keeps failing a bit faster than the right and my forearms felt like jelly afterwards. Pffft!

Last, Day 21 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

For the recent days my bro has been doing the dishes for me - I have been more distractable lately.

For iced coffee drinks, like those from Dutch Bros.

For guacamole. Because that is the shit in burritos and sandwiches. :U

I’m going to go ahead and post this now, draft the next week’s post, and attempt to wind down. It’s almost 5AM. 8I