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cotton-candy-in-a-thong · 3 years ago

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Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue��.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what��s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

#slashers #slasher fandom #tw noncon #consensual noncon #fandom drama #long post #past experiences #anon ask

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perpetuelledaydreaming · 4 years ago

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Illicit affairs- Chapter 8

summary: imagine the met gala but ten times better and in stark tower, that’s it. felicia doesn’t have very good manners and sneaks away with y/n but peter and his friends are on the lookout.

Listen to: Do I wanna know -Arctic Monkeys & bad idea- girl in red

word count: 12k

(author’s notes at the end now)

warnings: s m u t.

series masterlist

(today we change and use a photo of Felicia, although it’s not too accurate in my head)

If there was someone who had an incredible hidden talent, it was MJ. You knew she liked to draw since you first met her, but as time passed you realized that a side effect of her hobby, even if she didn’t like it as much, was that she could do a mind-blowing make-up look without even trying. You had realized this one Halloween that you had spent with Peter and his friends, you had asked her where she had gone to do that makeup-look with glitter tears streaming down her cheeks but she simply shrugged, saying that she had used some of her art supplies and done it herself. After that it was more common than not that MJ would come to do your make-up to every important event that you had to attend, she had even done Pepper’s makeup and soon it became like a side job for her too.

She had such ability with the brushes, knew exactly which colors could match your skin and outfit that you almost became dependent on her, feeling a bit more insecure when you had to do your make-up or even hire someone different than MJ but tonight she was there.

“Do you want me to do the wing?” you asked MJ, glancing at her and searching what was wrong but she simply huffed.

“Shut up, I’m an artist” she grumbled under her breath as she shook her hand a bit and dived right into your eye.

“You are so giddy today” you muttered, which earned you a glare from MJ.

“Well, I’ve never been to a Gala myself or done the make-up for the hostess of the Gala,” she said as she finished one eye and then adjusted her dress.

As always, you were in awe of how MJ looked. Her flawless black skin matched perfectly with the custom silk lame gown that she had decided to wear for the night, it was a halter top but with a nice cut on her middle part that showed a little bit of skin and a long skirt that almost touched the floor. With her tall slender body and perfect tone muscles, she looked like a supermodel.

“No, my dad and pepper are the hosts. I’m just here for the small talk with people they don’t want to talk to and to drink champagne” you answer back as she finished the wing on the other one and you finally managed to open your eyes and see yourself in the mirror.

She had done an exceptional job as always, only mascara missing to finish the look but she had done a great job with the nude eyeshadow with a dramatic wing, she had even added a bit of gold glitter surrounding your eyes so it could match the gold earrings that you decided to wear for the night. You walked towards the mirror and fixed the dress that you had decided to wear. It was a cream Jacquemus backless dress with a slit on the side of your leg, while this time you had decided to wear the charm that held your suit in a classic bracelet usually, you wouldn’t bother that much on dresses on how you looked for these types of events given that you disliked them but tonight was different.

“That makes you the hostess, small talk with people that you don’t like” MJ answer back as she put a bit of blush on her skin and then walked over to you, leaning against your mirror.

“I’ll try to avoid it, especially when Felicia arrives” you answered with a shrug and started to apply your mascara, but not before you notice how MJ began to play with her hands uncomfortably.

You knew it was because you brought up Felicia but, in all honesty, you were more than elated that she had agreed to come.

The last weeks or so had been a rollercoaster. Although you somehow had assured your feelings for the other, you weren’t spending that much time together. Part of it was that you were ordered to stay in bed for a few days, knowing that your injuries were bad and needed time to recover, it wasn’t like Felicia wanted to simply burst on Stark Tower or ask you to move; she would sneak some nights sneak in to see how you were doing before you were officially discharged by Bruce. But then, when you were able to go to her apartment, she would cancel a bit too often for you, arguing that a girl needs to pay the bills (which you assumed was a way to say that she was going to do some work that you didn’t like).

So, you let her be.

Though, the days you did spend together, she was as loving as she had ever been with you. She would cook for you all the healthy foods that she hated but she would eat them with you, even your annoying quinoa salad and green smoothies, which you appreciated. You would spend time watching movies and listening to music together, curating playlists depending on a situation, and talk until early morning hours. She would kiss you too, sweetly and carefully, Felicia even freaked out when you complain after a kiss got a little bit too heated a few days after you had been ‘discharged’; after that she had tried, really hard, to keep the kisses to a PG-rating (much to her dismay).

But then this week had come and she had become a kind of a nervous wreck thinking about the Gala, which for you seemed so out of character for her. She would ask for the program of the night again, and again and who would be there, trying to know how to dress and where everything was. You attributed her behavior to the fact that she was -probably- going to meet Tony and Pepper, and you were coming out to the circle of people you would be surrounded by. Part of her was relieved when she heard that the other Avengers weren’t going to make it to the Gala and you thought it was sweet, she was nervous about how serious you had become.

To ease her nerves, you had insisted to her to go shopping together for a dress or told her to go earlier that day so she could know where everything was, if she was too worried about it, even gave suggested if she would like to come to dinner first with Tony and Pepper so she wouldn’t be too freaked out the day of the Gala. But she had refused, especially regarding the dress; saying that since she was older than you (only two years), therefore the sugar mommy feeling was a little bit off.

You had blushed at her statement but decided to let her be, knowing it was the best thing you could do for Felicia.

“y/n?”

Peter’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you turned around to watch him, and it felt like you had almost stopped breathing for a second.

You had seen Peter in a suit a couple of times before but never like this. He seemed taller and also leaner, the sharp suit he was wearing fitted him perfectly, his messy curls were settled down with a little bit of hair gel that pulled them back and to the side but you could tell that the curls would be let loose sooner rather than later. He had a small watch on his wrist, a gift from you and Tony, it had an engraved message “with great power, comes great responsibility” which honored his Uncle Ben. Peter didn’t use it often but when he did, it caused your heart to squeeze on your chest.

And Peter was mesmerized too. Your hair had been pulled down behind your ears, it was sleek and it looked perfectly styled. He could see the blush on your cheeks, the reflection of the glitter on your eyes, and he was, as always, so captivated by how your eyes seemed like constellations accompanied with your long lashes that he felt like he had zoned out. Plus, the dress fitted your body perfectly. It was showing more skin than you usually showed with a small side-boob showing thanks to the asymmetric form of it along with your exposed back. He felt his mouth drying as you turned around shyly towards him, but for him, you looked breathtaking.

“Are you ready?” Peter asked, stammering a bit as he looked away from you towards MJ who was giving him a look. “Tony and Pepper are waiting downstairs for you,” he said silently before looking at you for a second and then at the floor.

MJ snickered a bit before she took her purse and made her way to the door. “Don’t you look dapping” MJ said as she patted Peter on his shoulder and walked out of your room, you guessed she was already looking for Harley.

You both stayed silent for a moment, as you gazed at the other, you blinking owlishly while Peter drilled you with his eyes. Although you weren’t saying anything, you knew what he was thinking about: last time you were dressed this nicely, it had been the last night before you had run away. You would’ve like to avoid the memories, but it seemed inevitable to connect this moment to your last; even more knowing that although it seemed like everything had changed, your heart was still beating for Peter and his was beating for you.

“You look beautiful,” Peter whispered as you walked towards him, he couldn’t even stop himself, and the two of you flushed at his comment.

“Tha-thanks, MJ did the makeup because I have no idea,” you spoke coyly as you ordered HAPPY to turn off the lights and you and Peter walked outside the room, the door closing behind you.

You tried to shake it off, the obvious nervousness that you felt around Peter but it didn’t seem to work as he offered you his arm, so you could hold onto it as you always did.

“Well, she did a great job, you look amazing” Peter said honestly as he glanced at you while you walked towards the elevator. “She’s a lucky girl.”

It had taken all his willpower to actually say those words but he was being truthful, no matter how much it could pain him because, as he had realized the last few days, it only mattered to him that you were safe and happy. The bad thing was, that he didn’t believe you would be safe with Felicia.

For you, the comment hit a nerve. Not only because you knew how Peter felt about Felicia, and you dislike that it might have hurt him to see you with her but also because Felicia had been MIA since early in the morning. You had texted her a good morning text, asking her if she needed anything but she had declined the offer and simply stating that she would see you tonight.

Hours had passed and there was no sign that Felicia was actually coming but you deeply hope she would.

“Yeah…” you muttered with a long sigh, but you quickly changed the topic as the elevator’s doors opened. “I’m surprised you decided to bring Flash as your date.”

“What!?”

“See, MJ is with Harley and Betty with Ned,” you explained to him while you fixed your hair and watch Peter’s bug-eyed expression at your comment “Which leaves you with Flash.”

“That’s not funny.” Peter quickly answered with a glare.

“Oh, because he’s a guy?” you chuckled and placed your hands over your chest, raising an eyebrow and waiting for his answer.

“No!” Peter protested, a little bit offended at your question and then the doors to the elevator opened. “It’s because he’s Flash!”

You both laughed as you exited the elevator and walked towards where the Gala was through a small hallway that Pepper had arranged for only you two enter the building.

The Gala had become an emblematic even for the city, Pepper had come up with it after you had moved from LA and Tony had made the respective and adequate changes to Stark Industries. It was an annual fundraising gala for the benefit of technological advances and charities and it always happened at Stark Tower.

The whole first and second floor of the building were remodeled to fit the event. On the first floor, you would find the red carpet and exhibitions of the work done by the different companies, known scientists, and young people who had the opportunity to present their ambitious ideas and work. It was also a social event, celebrities, journalists, CEO’s and more people would be invited as well. Then, the second floor was where the dinner and the after-party would usually take place.

It wasn’t a wild evening, I mean although Tony would make it as wild as he wanted, it always went nicely and calmed. Even some Avengers would make surprise appearances once in a while, mostly Nat, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Bruce; Thor had been technically banned after he had too much to drink once. This drew huge media attention for the projects which were extremely important for the fundraiser that took place at the event and so, it had become also somehow the Met Gala of the science community.

It was also the only time that paparazzi would take your photos willingly, although you hated it.

Today was no different, you had to pose with Tony and Pepper on the red carpet that was prepared at the main entrance to the event. The commotion of flashing lights and excited reporters was almost something that you couldn’t get used to after so many years, and although you would normally be complaining to Pepper as Tony did sometimes when he would get bored; Peter would usually woosh in and take photos with you, so paparazzi wouldn’t use the photos with him because magazines didn’t think much of Peter back then, so it was a nice way to ruin some shots. But today was different, Peter was now known to be one of the Star Interns of Tony and he was called on by a reporter, and you were ushered off to take more photos and then by Tony who was excited to see Pepper’s speech.

And as a sea of people separated you and Peter, you decided to focus on Pepper’s speech and Felicia’s whereabouts.

But she was nowhere to be found, disappointed you quickly blended into the crowd and began to do your work. You started saying ‘hi’ and ‘welcoming’ the various people that were invited from celebrities to renowned scientists, you talk to a journalist giving them small interviews and also watch almost every one of the projects from the young students who were allowing presenting that year.

You even talked to people you didn’t like.

You were already saying goodbye to an important human rights lawyer, that was a role model to you since you had started to think about studying law and had been asking her some questions when you heard his taut voice.

“Lovely to see you again Miss Stark, heard you got shot?”

You turned to see Norman Osborn, giving you a tight smile while Harry was behind him winking his eyes and quickly nudging to his dad and rolling his eyes. You knew you weren’t dear on Norman Osborn’s heart, especially when it came to your dad, and you ever wondered why Pepper insisted on inviting him and why he even insisted on coming to the event of someone he hated that much.

But you knew it all came back to business.

Although now, that you knew for a fact -thanks to Felicia and the events lately- that Norman had willingly given Kingpin the formula to his poisonous serum and that Harry had no idea about it; you were even more snarky and irritated to see his face than before.

“Yes, I’m fine now.” You stated curtly as you glanced at Harry for one second, you quickly took a swig of your drink. Mentally begging for this interaction to be over.

“Of course, you are dear,” He snapped with a glare. “With your father’s technology, you wouldn’t respect the hand of destiny. Such a waste of time and resources to play hero” he said as he rolled his eyes.

You gripped your drink a bit tighter and you felt like a vein on your neck had just popped off your neck. It was predictable from your past encounters with Norman Osborn that he would say something like that but as he had so seriously stated that he thought saving your life or being an Avenger was a waste? Was he being fucking serious?

Jerk.

“Careful Norman, your jealousy is showing,” you smirked as you glanced at him uninterested. “Now kindly fuck off”

Norman gapped at your answer, completely blown away that you had actually said that since you usually had been quiet about his usual remarks. His face was red with bulging eyes as the cords of his neck became rigid, completely astound and angry at your comment. You were thankful that you weren’t staying silent anymore as, in a blink of an eye, Norman spun on his heels and walked away from you, leaving you with Harry.

“Always a pleasure!” you yelled at him as he walked away, you couldn’t help the tugging on the sides of your lips and then your attention turned to Harry, who was chuckling. “Your father’s lovely”

Harry looked as good as always and sometimes you wondered how on earth someone could look like that. His sharp jaw and sleek black hair with his almond eyes made him look like a model, a smirk worth a thousand dollars and his chiseled cheekbones made girl’s and boy’s knees weak. Even when he looked as put together as he was at the moment, you could still see a mischievous gleam in his eyes, you guessed the bad boy look couldn’t fade away easily and you couldn’t help to think about the possible rumors on the tabloid if they saw you dancing with him at the party.

“Don’t tell me about it,” Harry stated as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek, slowly and seductively. “It’s nice to see you again, y/n”

He was always extremely smooth and charming, and always managed to get your heart beating someway although you knew that you weren’t really interested, it was just this aura about him.

“It’s good to see you too, H.” you answered back as you took another sip of your drink while he offered to cheer, you did the same.

As he finished taking a sip of his drink, he walked closer to you. “I’ve missed you in these events, it’s …”

“Draining?”

Harry chuckled, mostly for himself as he often did. “I was going to say annoying as fuck but yeah, that works too.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his comment because it was true if you would like to summarize the feelings for these kinds of events -especially for your role on them and how the media would portray it-, they were annoying as fuck. But honestly, the science part and the charity part were your favorite thing in the world.

You knew that Harry felt the same way as you, the pressure to be the golden child and do everything right, but there was where Harry’s charm laid. Although he could be all of those things because he had everything in his favor, he disliked his father and the pressure so much that he rebelled against it.

And now, it had become part of him to be the bad boy.

So, it didn’t surprise you what he said next.

He leaned over to you, whispering directly on your ear and you couldn’t avoid but to feel a shiver running on your back as he whispered on your ear. “You know, you in that dress is making me think of champagne, strawberries, a bed, and us playing strip poker”

You gave a step back at him, a bit surprised by how confident his statement was, your eyes widened slightly and your cheeks flushed before you shook your head, ready to play it off casually.

But then, you heard Felicia’s characteristic silvery voice behind you.

“Get in line pretty boy,” Felicia stated, her fingernails trailing your back as she defensively wrapped her arm around your waist, glaring a bit at Harry, who rapidly blinked as if he was trying to understand the nature of your relationship with Felicia but it didn’t take him long. “Stark,” Felicia said with a smoky voice.

If you were being truthful, you were always a bit nervous around Felicia, a bit too in awe with her beauty and essence. Sometimes you were worried about how she could suck you in so easily with just a pout but then moments like this reminded you why.

Felicia’s outfit left you breathless, although you recognized it was from Versace and wondered where she had gotten it, you couldn’t avoid feeling tingles through your body. Felicia stunned with the silky lace-trimmed camisole-like minidress she was wearing, she had a dramatic smokey eye with a mate-nude lipstick that suited her perfectly, and to your surprise, she had decided to let her silver hair down and she fixed it in an almost Barbarella-like style but less dramatic that made her look like she belonged to a runway.

You could feel the burning heat on your body.

“Thought you would never come”, you whispered with a smile and before she could even respond, you pressed your lips against hers.

It was a firm but soft kiss, as if you were showing her off finally and claiming Felicia yours, as she had done with you so many times before. But now, you both were as purposeful as you could’ve been, the kiss was so sweet and it seemed like just kissing her that way, you would get a toothache. When you finally pulled apart with a shy smile while Felicia simply smirked, your foreheads pressed together, you felt like you were the only people in the world.

And then Harry spoke.

“That’s so hot” he whispered, you figured it was mostly to himself as he looked at you two wide-eyed and surprised about it.

You could see Felicia rolling her eyes in irritation as you laced your hands together but as soon as she turned around to Harry, she was displaying the cat-like grin that characterized her.

“Would you like to join us?” Felicia purred as she got a little closer to Harry, who seemed like he was about to pass out with Felicia’s words.

“Felicia!”

Peter shook his head and walked away, not wanting to listen to the end of that conversation, knowing that it would just make him break the cup of champagne that he had been holding tightly as he listened to Harry and you even before Felicia arrived. His jaw was still twitching when he walked up to Ned and Betty, whose main spot was the exhibitions that were presented, while Flash would guard the entrance and MJ with Harley would be staying on the drinking station (per Harley’s request) and Peter would be on the dance floor where most of the action would be happening.

But even with a whole plan laid out, Felicia had still managed to fool them.

“Guys she’s here” he whispered through the com as he saw all of his friends snap their gazes as they tried to look for Felicia and you, in the middle of the main floor, talking with Harry.

“How!?” Flash cried through the com. “I’ve been patrolling this entrance all night, what the hell?”

“She’s sneaky, I already told you!” Peter grumbled under his breath, loud enough for a couple of rich old people to stare at him bug-eyed, which he simply answered with an awkward smile and made his way towards where Ned and Betty were.

“What are we going to do now?” Harley asked, Peter could already tell that Harley was tensing up.

For a genius, he wasn’t good at handling his emotions under pressure.

“Just keep an eye on her.” Peter glowered as he finally arrived at where Ned was, trying to find some consolation or ideas that came from Ned who always had some positive thing to say or a good idea to add.

But Ned’s eyes were focused on something behind Peter and the wince he did, as well as Betty, tipped Peter that he should turn around.

“That’s not hard, I think that she just stepped on Harry’s Osborn foot and made him cry” Ned mused as he took a sip from his drink.

Peter watched as you dragged Felicia away from Harry, giving him an apologetic look before you were walking towards the drinking area, where Harley and MJ were.

“Harley, MJ she’s coming your way” Peter whispered, hoping that they wouldn’t be too awkward that you would realize the plan.

Not that there was any serious plan, Peter still wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He wasn’t sure what Felicia would do or if she would even do something, but he knew that she wasn’t good news, he just could feel it in his bones and hoped that at the end of the day, you wouldn’t need to find out if something happened.

He just wanted to keep you safe.

Harley turned around with MJ just in time and he gave a small smile to Felicia and you, who were walking hand-in-hand together. You were bickering a bit because of her reaction to Harry’s comment and how she had stomped on his foot with her sharp heel and she hadn’t even said ‘sorry’ arguing why she would say that to someone that sexualized you. So, you were thankful when your eyes caught MJ and Harley on the drinking station, hoping it could distract Felicia from going back and scratching Harry’s eyes.

“I know you’ve met before but this is Felicia,” you said as Felicia put on a new smile and offered her hand to Harley and MJ. “I wanted you to meet her, officially”

Harley and MJ shook Felicia’s hand cheerily, but you could feel how Harley and MJ tensed up. You could feel their anxiousness dripping from Harley’s eyes and you knew that it wasn’t normal. Harley, for a scrawny boy like him, was a bit too smug, too smooth, too relaxed for him to be acting this way.

“It’s so nice to meet y/n friends,” Felicia said playfully as she wrapped an arm around your waist and smirked up to Harley and MJ, who barely gave her a genuine smile.

“Yeah, sa-same” Harley let out, words stumbling against one another as they left their mouths.

MJ simply nodded and added a small ‘for sure’ with a honeyed voice that you knew didn’t quite fit MJ and something felt off. You frowned at their interaction, surprised mostly by how stiff they were. Did they have a problem with Felicia? You knew that Harley was certain about Felicia’s identity, not that you had discussed it but he wasn’t dumb and it made you wonder if he was feeling the same thing that Peter had told you about.

But you brushed it off, knowing that it wouldn’t be a good thing to keep Felicia there.

“I’m going to take you dancing” you offered to Felicia who gave you a gleaming smile, her cheeks tainted by a cloud of small pink dust, and you quickly dragged her off from your friends.

Your mind started whirling, wondering what was wrong with Harley and MJ? Harley had always been nothing but supportive regarding your relationship with Felicia, hell he was supportive of everything you did. MJ too, she never judged but you’d seen her acting strange since the start of the day.

“What’s wrong?” Felicia said a little bit unsettled as you turn to look at her.

But you simply shook your head, muttering a small ‘nothing’ but you couldn’t help yourself and you looked back at your friends, noticing them whispering something to themselves and you wished that you could put your suit right there and then to listen to their thoughts but knowing it was unreasonable, you decided to turn around, just in time to bump into Tony and Pepper.

You stopped dead in your tracks, your heels barely squeaking in the hallway as the two heads snapped in your directions. The first being Tony’s and the second being Peppers, who seemed to be discussing something together but the conversation immediately ended when they saw you.

“Oh,” you muttered as Tony and Pepper’s gaze down to see you, hand in hand with Felicia.

“Oh?” Tony answered back as he curved his eyebrows while he watched Felicia for a second and then his gaze went to you.

It wasn’t like you brought Felicia by surprise, you had been told weeks ago that she could come. Either way, this was a newfound territory, Peter seemed to be the only possible person you would introduce to your parents in that manner and it didn’t even count because they had known him before. Charlie was a no-go from the start, knowing deep down that you wanted to keep that friendship or relationship for yourself since you both knew it wouldn’t go pass that. But then Felicia seemed to be someone where you could, maybe, go to the next step.

“Well, y/n aren’t you going to introduce us?” Pepper said, her startled look brushing off and giving entrance to the characteristic warm smile she always wore.

Before you could even answer, Felicia’s charm was on.

“It’s so lovely to meet you Mrs. And Mr. Stark”, she smiled brightly at Pepper as she shook her hand and give her two kisses on her cheek, slightly making her voice higher than what it usually was.

“Lovely to meet you too, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” Pepper said, completely charmed by Felicia’s attitude and she quickly nudged Tony with her elbow on his ribs so he could say ‘hi’ as well, for some reason he had to stare at Felicia as if he was trying to figure out something.

You hoped it was just a parental instinct.

“We are so glad you are here; we’ve been trying to meet you but missy here was keeping you under wraps.” Tony offered Felicia his hand and she shook it firmly, with a bright smile but with the same intense gaze that Tony had in his eyes.

You chuckled at Tony’s comment, hoping it would dissipate any kind of suspicion, not that it seemed to be very successful. Pepper followed your lead and so did Tony and Felicia.

“Can’t imagine why” Felicia muttered between laughs and you feel your cheeks flushing at her comment, giving her a warning look, which she just shrugged off by kissing you on the cheek.

It made you smile.

“Okay, we are going to dance so, I’ll let you be” you announced as you realized that Tony and Pepper were still staring, quickly dragging her to the dance floor.

It wasn’t a huge dance floor, tables were surrounding the small space that was farther from the reception where everyone was and there was a small stage set up in front of you, at the moment there was just a talented pianist taking the lead. A few people were dancing, much of them were way older than you and the ones that were old enough to care about what you were doing (especially journalist) as they saw you entering the dance floor, widened their eyes.

You quickly offered Felicia your hand and she reached out, accepting your hand before you were pulling her out onto the dance floor. You caught a few people watching you but you didn’t care, you quickly placed your hands-on Felicia’s shoulder and she placed her cold hands against the skin that showed from your torso and hips. You began to sway together to the soft music playing from the piano.

“You think they notice?” Felicia asked you softly, pulling you a bit closer.

“Not at all” you lied, knowing that there might’ve been something that Tony was suspicious of, but you didn’t want to scare Felicia.

“Your dad seemed a little bit weird out,” she continued. “But I couldn’t tell if it’s because I’m a girl or because he recognized me”

“He didn’t” you assured her looking at her firmly, but you melted as she smirked at you, her eyes gleaming as you played with a strand of her hair. “Okay, but the silver hair doesn’t help”

Felicia gasped jokingly, causing you to chuckle a bit.

“Hey” Felicia complained, as she pulled you a bit closer while biting her lip. “You love the silver hair and more when it’s down”

Which was true.

“My bad” you answered with a fond smile, pressing your forehead against hers.

You kept swaying to the music, bodies pressed together as Felicia held you and guided you to the music. It felt like you were the only two people in the room, you mostly tried to keep your eyes closed, not wanting to disturb your daydream, although it was hard with the whispers of some surprised observers as they arrived on the dance floor and saw you dancing with a girl. Nonetheless, you stayed focused on Felicia’s touch on your skin, on the music that was overflowing your senses, and to the smell of cotton candy.

The only thing that woke you up from the trance you were in was Felicia’s fidgeting, you finally opened her eyes on the third time she had removed her hands from your body for about ten seconds.

“What’s wrong?” you asked her with a frown, to see Felicia’s lips pinched into a fine line.

“Everyone’s watching”

You turned around and it was true, it seemed like the majority of the party were whispering from the tables and looking into the dance floor, even Tony and Pepper seemed a bit stunned by how close you were with Felicia. You could feel Felicia’s shoulders tensing up as she watched everyone, you knew this wasn’t part of the deal when Felicia had agreed to come with you.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s go and eat something” you muttered as you carefully place your hand on her jaw and pulled her gaze back to yours.

Felicia shook her head and gave a step back, as she swallowed hard and then look down. It seemed as if the hairs on the nape of her neck had standup and although you could seem a gleam of regret, she was visibly done.

“Do you mind if I go to the bathroom really quick?” she asked, with a small voice and not looking at you.

You couldn’t hide your disappointment but you couldn’t blame Felicia and her discomfort. You sighed, mentally cursing everyone in the room who was making Felicia feel uncomfortable, and you felt your stomach twisting with guilt for putting her in the spotlight, something that she had never asked.

“Sure, I’ll wait for you” you answered with a slight smile, but looking at her with worried.

Felicia didn’t stutter or doubted, she quickly let go of you and walked off, some people were still looking at her as she exited the dance floor and then the room, but the gazes were still on you who remained on the dance floor. It felt a bit awkward as you stood there, all alone, and you felt kind of ridiculous.

You looked down for a second and decided that getting a drink was your best bet for not feeling dumb or guilty but before you could give another step, you bumped into Peter.

“Want to dance?” Peter offered, looking at you expectantly and you faltered.

Your eyes linked with Peter’s, who had his eyes twinkling as he looked at you with a warm smile and you felt like melting right then and thereby all means. You didn’t even felt the need to say anything to Peter, you simply took his hand and he stepped towards you, reaching to the small of your back and you held your breath as his fingertips touched your exposed skin. Then, he firmly took one of your hands in his, which he placed on his chest while you started to sway to the music. You wrapped one of your arms around his neck and felt the heat coming from Peter’s body.

As always, you felt at home in his arms with the smell of honey and cinnamon wrapping you in.

“You look really good today” you finally said to Peter, as you looked up to him.

Peter had been looking behind you and your voice snapped you out of it, he was trying to figure out where Felicia was or if she was coming back, but there were no signs of her. So, he decided to simply enjoy having you in his arms and smiled.

“Just today?”

You smiled. “You know what I mean,” you muttered as you laid your head on his chest, so he couldn’t see the small sprinkling of red to dust across your cheeks.

“Well, you look especially beautiful today,” Peter added before he stepped away and let go of your back, spinning you around under his arm before he pulled you in.

You laughed as you looked at Peter dreamily, as you remember that a part of you had wanted this to happen for a long time when you were younger. It would be almost two years since you had skipped town but there you were, harboring feelings for Peter Parker and his caramel curls with chocolate eyes, trying to push them down but now it was because you had a relationship.

“Are you having a good time?” you asked him, trying to keep your thoughts in line.

Peter nodded as he looked around. “Yeah, food is nice and some people wanted to talk to me when they realized I’m Tony’s intern”

“Well, you are the best intern,” you answered honestly with a shrug, causing Peter to give you a smug smile to which you replied almost immediately with a roll of eyes. “Don’t tell Harley I said that”

“I won’t,” Peter promised as he pulled you closer to him, he could feel he was getting overwhelmed by the characteristic vanilla smell that always surrounded you, he had you in his arms and he couldn’t help himself to ask. “Do you really think that?”

You looked at him while tilting your head as if he had asked something so obvious to you that you were surprised that Peter didn’t already know.

“You know how I feel about you,” you found yourself saying before you could stop yourself.

Peter stared at you for a minute as if you’d lost your mind by saying what you had said. He seemed so confused by the sudden second of honesty, that it made you wondered if you had screwed up again and you felt panic washing your body. But as Peter saw how alarm you’d gotten, he decided to change the topic.

“And you?” he asked before spinning you around again.

You thanked him mentally for that and give him a small smile, which he nodded to it.

“What about me?”

Peter sighed, not wanting to bring Felicia up to this moment after you had said that but he felt like he had no other choice. He groaned and then dipped his head down to your shoulder. You chuckled and placed your hand in the back of his neck, playing with his baby curls before he stood back up straight.

“Are you having a good time, with…” Peter said but his words tapered off, not wanting to say her name.

You could see how his jaw clenched but you simply rolled your eyes, thinking that Peter was somehow just being dramatic.

“You can say her name, you know?” you joked but as you look at Peter and how to set his jaw was, you felt like he was being serious.

And he was.

“I know, I just don’t want to,” Peter said bluntly and you frowned at him. “My Spidey sense just goes off.” He said with a shrug.

“Well, that’s uncalled for,” you shot at him with a haughty expression.

Peter cocked his head as he looked at you, and you felt the anger bubbling up on your chest. He seemed condescending and you hated it, you hated that he was watching you from this pretend high road.

“It’s not,” Peter grumbled.

You didn’t say anything right away as you glared at Peter, you knew Felicia was a sensitive topic but you hadn’t witness Peter this pressed or being so blunt about your relationship with Felicia. You wondered if it was because he had seen you dancing with her or just because he still didn’t like her but you didn’t need this at the moment.

“Are we going to do this again Peter?” you asked him while raising your eyebrow as if challenging him.

And Peter, who feel sheer annoyance at Felicia that stemmed from his bad feeling about her was ready to go.

“I think we need to,” Peter answered bluntly. “I just don’t trust her, y/n.”

You chuckled ironically and looked away before your eyes came back to his, the audacity. “Well, I do Peter and if I remember correctly, no one’s asking you.”

Peter shook his head at your response, feeling a bit more annoyed at how stubborn you were being. Not that he wasn’t aware that you were already stubborn.

“I know you make fun of my senses,” Peter started, as he gave you another spin, you followed his lead but you were glaring at him under your lashes. “But I’m telling you there’s something wrong and dangerous with her.”

“Peter you need to stop,” you growled under your breath as Peter rolled his eyes and tried to spin you again but you pushed him back a bit.

Peter winced at the gesture and you could feel your heart aching at Peter’s behavior, part of you felt guilty but another part of you was just hurt that he didn’t try to keep his comments to himself. Peter was the kindest person you knew, but the jealousy or whatever he was feeling about Felicia and how he tried to just throw rocks at your relationship with Felicia, simply felt just mean.

“y/n, you know I can’t let you be in danger” Peter answered honestly, and yes, you could sense the fright in his voice and see the gleam of uneasiness in his eyes, but it wasn’t fair to you.

“I’m not!” you snapped at him; a little bit louder than what you would’ve liked.

“But you are!” Peter answered with the same strength and you hoped that no one had heard you. Both of you were breathing heavily and by that point, the tension could be cut with a knife as you glared at the other but then Peter simply sighed, letting go from your body and watched you sheepishly. “and I can’t stay silent while I watch you get-what?”

You frowned at Peter’s behavior. “Peter?”

Peter swallowed hard and then his eyes traveled to the entrance, where Flash was shaking his head as he looked anxiously at Peter. He closed his eyes, knowing that after this you might even get angrier with him, probably more than what you’d ever been but at that moment he didn’t care.

Felicia had disappeared and it was a risk.

“Where’s the last time you saw her?” Peter asked as he placed his fingers on his ear, trying to listen better at the com and he watched as it dawned on you what he had been doing.

The disappointment in your eyes and then how they were washed with anger made Peter winced.

“Are you kidding me?” you snapped at him, trying to take the com out of his ear so you could talk but Peter grabbed your hands strongly, you cursed to yourself that you couldn’t overpower him at the moment or take out your suit.

People began to stare at the both of you, as you twisted your wrists to get off from Peter’s hold but it was getting harder and harder, Peter trying to listen through the com to whatever Harley was saying.

“What do you mean she isn’t here?” Peter growled under his breath and then looked back at the edge of the dance floor where Flash was, you followed his gaze and quickly groaned, annoyed that all of your friends were in this together.

“Let. Me. Go!” you said as you gritted your teeth while turning to him with eyes blazing with heat, and Peter, who was gazing at you regretfully, took his hold off of you.

You pushed Peter aside and then walked towards Flash, who had this haunted expression on his face as he saw you coming his way, clearly intimidated by you.

“Give me that Flash,” you growled at the boy who was looking at you sheepishly. “I don’t want to ask twice” you threaten while raising your eyebrow and wiggling your fingers so that Flash could give you the com.

He didn’t hesitate, and you quickly put the earpiece on your ear and pulled out the wire from his shirt so you could talk to them.

“All of you need to back off, now.” You growled at them, clearly angry at what your supposed friends were doing. It seemed so extreme for them to have this whole spy thing going on to keep you away from Felicia, and it hurt. It hurt that after everything, after how much you had grown, it seemed like no one really cares about or trusted you and your choices. And you wanted to only be angry -you really did- but the words that Peter told you and how sincere they were, you felt trepidation as you thought about Felicia being loose at Stark Tower; you couldn’t help to ask. “Where was the last time you saw her?”

Peter turned from his place on the dance floor, a frown on his face and he felt somehow relief that he could hear that you were concerned about Felicia’s whereabouts too.

“She was in the bathroom,” you heard Betty’s voice in the com. “But then she just disappeared”

“I followed her there but she wasn’t on the stalls, she just sneaked out,” MJ followed but then Harley interrupted them.

“Just saw her at the edge of the entrance to the elevators,” Harley added and before he could say anything else, you walked away.

You didn’t know what you were going to catch Felicia in as you tried to move through the crowd of people on the gala, as you walked outside and glared at Harley and MJ who were watching you sorrowfully, clearly feeling shitty about what they had done but you passed by them as you walked towards the entrance to the elevators. The thing about Felicia was that most of the time, you did trust her -most of the time- but no matter how much you tried to assure yourself the same thing, you knew there was always Peter’s voice in the back of your head, saying you that she was trouble.

And you knew that it would always somehow hunt your relationship with Felicia. It’s not like she had said anything or anything she did, it was the feeling that came along with it. Her world moved too fast and her love seemed to burn too bright, but for you, how on earth is someone that was basically the opposite of what you were pulled in like she did? Even if sometimes it felt off.

“What are you doing here?” you asked Felicia, louder than you expected as you caught her against the wall while she was fixed her shoe. She was at the edge of the private entrance that Pepper had made for you to go to your apartment, it was supposed to have a guard but the person was nowhere to be found.

Felicia seemed a bit stunned as she heard you and quickly straightened herself, placed her small bag on her shoulder, and fixed her skirt. “Didn’t know it would take you so long to realize I was gone, it’s even upsetting, you know?”

You cut her game off quickly as you placed your hands on your hips and glared at her. You knew she liked to play games; it was rather obvious by now that she wouldn’t give you a straight but either way you still gave it your best shot.

“Why aren’t you at the party?” you asked her again and Felicia, who didn’t answer immediately, though the expression in her eyes grew hard to read. Her hands quickly settled on your waist and tugged you forward.

“Isn’t it obvious?” she breathed out as she gazed at your lips, but you were still glaring at her. Felicia simply rolled her eyes and before you knew it, Felicia threw you back against the wall into a bruising kiss.

You felt a bit stunned for a second but then you just let go. There was something about the kiss that was so intoxicating. Her lips were softer than ever, she tasted like champagne and cotton candy. You could feel how her hands were wondering your body and before you knew it, she was raising your skirt and pulling one of your legs up so you could wrap it around her waist. Her hands trailed then under your dress, the cool of her fingers on your inner tight made goosebumps dance across your skin. It was right then when you felt the spark of heat between your legs, you knew you were getting turned on too.

And for some reason it made you snap.

You pulled away from her and Felicia let out a soft whine of protest. Both were breathing heavily, and you could see Felicia’s lipstick all over her mouth but she was watching you with a cat-like gaze. It was right then and there were you realized that things were about to go a lot farther than what was usually intended,

“Are you drunk?” you asked her with a frown.

But Felicia shook her head. “No,” she answered honestly and her eyes flickered to your lips, her gaze darkened. “I just want you”

Before you knew it, she had her lips against yours again, tongues dancing as you let out small whimpers. You tangled your hands in her hair, nearly moaning at the feeling of her breasts against yours, you were so incredibly pressed together as you’d ever been. Felicia started to play with the rest of your dress, almost wanting to take it off and you smiled into the kiss as you tried to stop her but it was getting too hot. How her hands were loosely trailing your exposed torso, electricity dance under her skin, and then Felicia placed her knee up between your legs, nearly making you moan extremely loud.

You didn’t know if it was the champagne or the fact that the anger that you’d felt minutes ago was somehow fueling the encounter, how somehow you wanted to show that Peter was wrong. Felicia was yours and you were Felicia, there was no reason to think otherwise, and so, why you needed to wait longer?

Therefore, you didn’t hesitate when Felicia said something else. “Can we go up to your room?” she asked, it almost sounded like a whine as she touched your body.

And you simply nodded before you took her hand and pulled her into the elevator, continuing to kiss and moan and giggle as you pressed her against the elevator. It felt like something shifted as you entered the penthouse and walked her to your room.

The moment you were inside, Felicia pressed had you pressed against the wall, hands tangled in your hair as she kissed your back and began to undo your dress as quickly as she could, without ripping it. You moaned loudly as the dress finally pooled down on your feet and Felicia pressed hot open-mouth kisses to your back until she reached the small of your back and played with the thong that you had decided to wear.

“Such a pretty girl,” Felicia muttered, mostly to herself and you moaned at the thought of Felicia liking dirty talk. “And all mine”

You just whimpered at her comment, you wanted it so badly. So, you turned around and pulled Felicia by her neck up and began to undress her, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor while you drove her back to your bed. You both were just on your thongs by the time you fell onto your bed, and you quickly take the lead as you kissed her while you placed yourself on top, you then decided to press your tight between her legs this time, immediately pressing upwards and making her groan against your mouth but she quickly ground on your tight while you watched her in wonder.

Felicia’s body was perfect, you had seen her with little clothes on but this was a whole different thing. Having her on your bed, exposed as she whimpered and moan, because of your actions was a completely new feeling. Her skin was soft and dark, her hair was tousled and falling haphazardly across her face and spread on the bed, her plump breasts were bouncing by the way she was moving against you, the curve of her hips encased in the tiny black panties she was wearing, made you feel like you wanted to cry.

It would be your first time with a girl and somehow you froze, maybe just because you were just awe-struck by Felicia’s beauty or just because of the sheer fear that you could fuck this up. Felicia realized it soon and quickly raised from her place in the bed and stood from the place where she was, taking your hand and holding it tightly.

“y/n, don’t be afraid”

You simply shook your head, swallowing. “I just really want you,” you panted breathlessly and Felicia winced at your comment but before you could ask her what was wrong, her eyes shifted to your exposed breast and began to hungrily kiss them.

You massaged her scalp as she administered all the attention and devotion to your chest and you quickly fell backward, your head hit the pillows behind it as Felicia pressed herself against you. You couldn’t help to squirm and yelped as Felicia’s lips latched onto your right nipple, sucking it harshly before she changed over to the other. You were heaving and letting out small sighs as Felicia dig her fingers into the flesh of your hips and thigh, your core was dripping as you looked down to see Felicia’s eyes trained on your reaction.

She smirked as heard you whining about her stopping, she quickly pressed her lips firmly against you, her tongue playing with yours before she spoke.

“Tell me how bad you want it,” she whispered as her lips ghosted over yours but you only moaned as you felt her hardened nipples against yours.

“Hardy, don’t tease.” You complained as you cupped her face and pulled her down roughly for another kiss but she quickly pulled away with a mischievous smile.

“Come on Stark,” she panted as she looked at you. “I want to watch you beg”

You were pretty sure your mind snapped after that.

Before you knew it, Felicia pressed her digits to your clothed clit and you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes to the back of your head and opened your mouth at the sensation, but you wanted more. But you simply whined, not wanting to actually say anything but Felicia shook her head.

“Say it” she rasped.

“Please, touch me” you finally begged as you squirmed under her touch.

It was such an unbelievable turn on to hear Felicia’s dark laugh before she slipped her hand into your panties, stroking your entrance with her fingers as she nipped your earlobe. Your breath hitched, and you moaned, holding onto the sheets of your bed as she pumped a finger, and then two inside of you as she worked on your wetness. You gasped in bliss and soon you were arching your hips to get closer to her hand as waves of fire passed through your body, she was so good to you.

She was pressing against all your sensitive spots as she placed hot kisses on your mouth and wherever she could, it didn’t take too long for you to scream her name, your walls flittered around her fingers and your breath began to come in ragged pants. You didn’t know exactly how it happened since you were feeling so busy as she administered all the attention to your core, but soon your mouth found Felicia’s shoulder and before you knew it you bite into her skin, she whimpered and moaned at your reaction.

“Fuck…” she moaned as she dipped her head onto your shoulder, having to stop one second.

And you felt able to breathe again and before Felicia could protest, you switched positions and quickly took Felicia’s arms and placed them over her head.

She giggled.

“Didn’t take you for a top, y/N!” she screamed at the end as you placed two fingers on her core without much anticipation and began to administer the same care to her as she had done for you.

You pushed Felicia’s panties off her legs and spread her legs wider, you wanted to watch how she came undone under you. It was almost hypnotic how your fingers would get lost on her core and how you would be touching her in all the right spots, you then pressed on her clit with your thumb and it just made her moan louder, you went deeper and incomprehensible noises left Felicia’s lips. It was just too much and before you knew it, you simply dived down between her legs.

Felicia tasted like candy and you hummed into her core as you buried your mouth inside of it, tongue on her entrance and making her scream your name. You quickly placed your hands under her legs and grabbed her hips tightly as you continued administering attention to her core, with so much love and care that it seemed like you would die if you weren’t pleasuring her. Then you wrapped your lips around her clit and flicked it with your tongue before you continue to kiss her and in that second one of her hands flew to your head, tugging your hair.

You smiled as you watched her edging, you quickly decided to touch and grab her butt, pulling her in even closer. But before you knew it, Felicia was raised from her position ad pulling away from you, she grabbed you by your chin and captured your lips into a vulgar kiss, her tongue tangling sensually with yours.

But you pulled away. “I wanted to make you cum,” you panted as she licked her lips, tasting herself before she shook her head.

“I’ll make you cum first,” she whispered before she threw you against the bed, a little bit too harsh. “It’s an order,” she said and you felt a shiver ran down your spine because of the anticipation.

Felicia smiled, you could see her cheeks flushed pink and her cat-like grin as she placed a peck against your lips and began to kiss your body, from your chest to your middle to your core. The way Felicia was licking you, sucking you, seemed like too much. You might’ve screamed, moaned, gasped, or all three at once, maybe you whined but you couldn’t remember. It almost seemed like you had blacked out by how she was kissing you down there, how she was pressing on your clit and fucking you with her mouth.

It wasn’t like when Peter had already done it but for obvious reasons, this seemed more intense. The way Felicia was so purposefully working on you, had you gasping for air. It was wild, just like Felicia was, it was pure heat and fire, sweat dripping from your naked skin as Felicia held you down so hard that she probably left bruises. She knew what she was doing to you and it became more than obvious that she wanted to keep going as you felt the fire pooling on your stomach and your legs began to shake, it didn’t take long for you to feel yourself clenching and shuddering around Felicia’s tongue or fingers and you started to come apart at the seams.

Felicia smiled as she felt it and look at you screaming her name, everything exploding with fire as wave after wave of your orgasms seized your body. White light danced on your vision and ripples of blinding pleasure erupted through your body. Your breath was labored as Felicia came back up and pressed her lips against yours, while you tried to catch your breath and slowly drifted back to earth after your release.

“You were so good,” Felicia whispered as she placed small kisses over your body and then quickly stood from the bed into the bathroom of your room.

You were still trying to recover as you watched her naked body entering the bathroom and then heard how she used the sink before she came out with a towel and carefully cleaned you. You smiled at Felicia who quickly put her underwear on and began to look for her dress while you watched her from the bed.

It was such a completely new experience for you, that you were still a bit in awe about what had happened, you quickly put on your underwear and wrapped the towel around your torso while Felicia looked at herself in your large mirror while she fixed her make-up and her dress. Part of you was extremely happy that it had finally happened but then, another part of you wished that Felicia could just stay in bed and talk to you about it.

“That was…” you started, hoping that it would pull her in.

But both of your heads snapped at the loud noise coming from your door. There was knocking a loud, knocking on your door and as the seconds passed it became almost violent.

“y/n?” Felicia asked as she took her jacket and her pursed and walked back to one of the corners of your room, the one farther away from your door.

You frowned at the incessant knocking and quickly took the towel off, running to get your dress and putting it on as the pounding continued. You were still trying to zip your dress and jumped when you finally got close to the door and ordered HAPPY, your AI, to open the door.

As the door opened your eyes widened as you looked at Peter barging into the room. Peter glanced at you and he stayed still for a moment, he could tell almost immediately and it felt like someone had just punched all the air out of his lungs. He saw your disheveled hair and how your dress wasn’t fully zipped, he could also see the messy blankets behind you on your bed and he had to close his eyes for a second, otherwise, he was sure he would’ve broken something at the moment.

He hated it, Felicia had been successful at sucking you in and now Peter knew why.

He finally opened his eyes and decided to get back to what he was doing, he shot a glare at Felicia.

“Felicia,” Peter growled as he walked closer to her while Felicia took a defensive stance.

Before he could get somehow closer, you walked in front of Peter and stopped him. Firmly placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back, defending Felicia.

“What do you want, Parker?” you growled at him but Peter didn’t place the attention on you, instead he stared at Felicia disdainfully.

Peter didn’t want to talk to you about it, if his wishes came true, you wouldn’t even be in the room right now. It was taking all his willpower not to drag you out of the room and lock you out before he began to try to capture Felicia, he just didn’t want to hurt you in the process.

“Give it back, Felicia.” He growled once more and you could see his hands forming into fists, he was holding it so tightly that you were sure that Peter would get moon marks on his palms.

But you brushed the thought off as the words of Peter dawned on you. You frowned at Peter’s comment and you turned towards Felicia, who was giving another step back as she defensively looked at you.

“What are you talking about?” you asked Peter coldly, while your eyes were still linked to Felicia’s greyish-purple eyes.

“Your girlfriend stole the repulsor prototype!” Peter snapped at her and you felt your heart sinking on your chest. “I checked the security footage; she stole it and she’s going to give it to-”

“Shut up!” Felicia’s angry scream cut off Peter as you could feel your head shaking automatically at Peter’s accusation.

There was no way Felicia had done it, otherwise, it would mean that nothing that had happened with you was true, that the feelings that you were harboring with Felicia were based on a lie, that she had never cared or loved you, that Peter was right, that she was only using you.

And then your eyes fell onto her hands and how hard and tight she was holding her small bag.

“Felicia…”

The way Felicia’s eyes were almost tearing up, how she glanced away from you wanting to avoid your gaze and her chin began to tremble. It was almost palpable the regret on her, the guilt seemed to be eating her alive and you felt like you wanted to vomit.

“Felicia, tells me it’s not true,” you whispered once more as you looked at her, you felt your tears pooling in your eyes but Felicia didn’t move. “Answer me!” you screamed at her, it ripped through your chest and it was so loud that both, Felicia and Peter, jumped at your reaction.

Peter could feel the weight of your emotions on his shoulders, he knew that he had fucked up by bringing you into this but there was no other way, Felicia was on a mission and Peter couldn’t allow her to finish it.

“Felicia, you don’t have to go to Kingpin,” he offered while he stepped forward to where you were standing but Felicia simply chuckled ironically.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about Spidey” she spat at him while she quickly took a defensive stand and let her heels on the floor, she was ready to fight.

But Peter wanted nothing of the sort.

“We don’t want anyone getting hurt,” he insisted but before he could add something, both Felicia and you spoke.

“Too late for that,” Felicia’s silvery and wobbly voice said at the same time with your wavery and soft voice.

You looked at each other with so much hurt in your eyes that you wanted to explode into tears right there and then but the anger and the rage were too much. The feeling of betrayal ran through your body like fuel and before you knew it, you were tapping your breacelet and the nanobots began to spread on your arm and before you knew it, you were shooting your repulsors at Felicia.

Felicia, as talented as she was, quickly dodge your shots but soon Peter took out his webs and began to fire them as Felicia tried to avoid both of your attacks on her in your room. You tried not to care as you would blow up a part of your room, simply wanting to catch Felicia before she did something stupid but before you knew it, she was placing the sleeves of her suit. Her claws appearing from one moment to another as she secured the bag across her body and began to perform a serious act of gymnastics while she tried to avoid you.

Peter managed to get one of Felicia’s ankle’s as she finished performing a backflip to dodge one of your repulsors shots but when she fell onto the floor, she swiftly glanced down at the web and cut it with her nails before she was avoiding your hits too, in one second you fire your window, destroying part of your room and also allowing the cold wind of November to hit you, but Felicia smirked at your mistake.

“Don’t go Felicia”, you growled at her but she simply glanced at you with red eyes.

Before you knew it, she was taking the repulsor out of her bag, the gauntlet where Harley and Tony had decided to place the repulsor for more standard trials on her hand. She placed it on hers and before you knew it, she was pointing at you.

You weren’t wearing your full suit at the moment, simply your arms but Felicia just closed your eyes and looked away, then she fired at you. Peter realized it and quickly tried to grab you so he could avoid you getting blown up but he was too late, your fingers brushing before the explosion sent you off to different parts of the room. Your body hit the wall, hard, you felt your head bouncing against it and then you fell onto the floor that was filled with debris and broken glass.

Your vision turned blurry and the last thing you remembered was Felicia watching you from the window before she quickly jumped out, then everything turned black.

***

taglist: @spideylovin @fandomtrash100 @soullessbabee @liljennyx3

***

i’m so sorry for the delay and like for the typos you might find in this chapter bUT IT’S FINALLY UP AND WE HAVE ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT. I had to cut this chapter so I could make the next one a bit longer and this one shorter, next one we are getting a reveal and also tears and post break up glow.

Last chapter didn’t got any reblogs or notes but it was okay because it allowed me to take my time to write this one and part of the next one. Although Im really excited to see what are your thoughts about the smut with Felicia and Felicia in general. Only one of you saw it coming I think hehe. But i’m really happy about the fact that we only have to chapters left. I love to hear your theories. and i’m always really happy that you are enjoying this with me and i hope you are happy with this chapter, either if you are team felicia or team peter.

as always, the new sneek peak for the next chapter is going to be on. the masterlist if you want to see what’s coming next!

please please please let me know your thoughts and opinions on this chapter and if you have ANY theories or comments I would love to see them!!! I’m already so happy with the love you have given to the last chapters, I really hope you like it! any feedback is well received and thank you so much!

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 4 years ago

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Aghhhhh,,, I just can’t tell whether or not I want a relationship. I’m in one right now and like. I guess I’m fine with it? mostly I just feel neutral to it, and sometimes repulsion. Sometimes happiness bcus I really do love them, except platonically, so like ehh but. I feel bad bcus I don’t love the other like they love me. They’ve made it apparent it’s romantic, and I’ve said that mine is platonic, and they know, but I still feel kinda bad. They were so clearly sad when I told them, even if they said it was okay later on. They deserve someone that can love them the way they want to be loved, someone that can make them fully happy. And I can’t. And idk if I’m okay with life partnership?? In general? I just don’t know. It seems USEFUL, but it also seems.... off? Just. Something irks me that I can’t place. Like. You can be finically better off, work together and even out your strengths and weaknesses, comfort each other when you’re sad, never have to excessively plan if u wanna hang. But I still can’t bring myself to like. Be happy for it? I guess? I wANT to like it. It seems objectively better. I just don’t know if I do or not. A life all alone seems harder, lonelier, scarier. I don’t have any guarantee of people to love and be loved by, if that makes sense, even if I can’t love the way others do. Having my own house seems nice, relaxing. But I’m just. Confused and scared. And impatient. I don’t really know what I want. I’m just kinda existing.

I’m not sure if you’re looking to vent or you’re looking for advice, so feel free to ignore if you just wanted to vent and be heard by people who’ll understand.

It’s genuinely difficult though, and making these choices is scary because no matter which direction you go things may not pan out and you may regret it. It can also be hard to figure out do you want a partnership because there’s a part of you that genuinely does or is it because it’s been drilled into you.

The relationship thing is complicated too, but it is possible for two people to have a happy relationship when one person’s feelings are platonic and the other is romantic. It’s not right for everyone, and it’s OK if it’s not right for you or your partner, but I’d be careful about just assuming it isn’t right for your partner. It’s possible they aren’t feeling fulfilled, and that would be an issue if true, but it’s also possible they just needed time to adjust to a reality they weren’t expecting. It can definitely be shocking when you’re fed a very rigid way of how relationships work, and there can be an adjustment period when the one you get isn’t what you’re expecting. But it doesn’t make it bad, or even something you wouldn’t want.

So I guess that’s a lot of words to say make sure you’re not making assumptions, and let your partner decide what they think will make them happy and make that choice for themselves. And if they say they’re happy with that relationship, do your best to believe them.

Sometimes better communication and tweaking the relationship can help with these types of issues. I don’t know if this is an issue here (I suspect it may not be, but just in case) but remember relationships don’t have to fit any cookie cutter molds. You can figure out something that suits your dynamic with your partner best. But also try and trust your feelings too and if things just don’t feel right, and you’re not happy, that could be a sign.

Remember that a lot of people are also happy single, it’s definitely drilled into us that we’ll die alone or whatever, but it’s absolutely possible to forge strong connections with other people (if that’s important to you), and live a really happy fulfilling life not in a relationship. So make sure the reason you’re avoiding singleness isn’t just having internalized that cultural bias against being single.

Situations like this, sometimes journaling can help and give you some perspective too. Especially if you go back and read old entries every once in a while. But whatever you do, you’ll find the path that’s right for you.

All the best, and good luck, Anon!

#Anonymous

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wallyaxiom · 7 years ago

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say GOODBYE to sandra dee — update. ( ORIGINAL BIO. )

for most, wally axiom was an enigma now. no one has heard or seen the boy in almost two years. most assumed he skipped town after cracking under the pressures of being a soc other assumed he was killed during the rumble. both claims were false to a degree wally did flee the city but not because of the pressues, oh no, he escaped for the freedom. the wally axiom everyone knew had died that night of the rumble and emerged wally spade. after oliver had gotten stabbed at the rumble, wally knew they needed to leave. so using the money his parents had given to him once he turned twenty (it was a fortune by mosts standards), the two fled and finally got married. Well they didn’t get married. they vowed that would love each other endlessly until the end of time (since you know the 50′s were ugly in some senses and not progressive in the important matters but anyways !) Wally started going by Wally Spade and the rest was history.

The two lived in the middle of nowhere for quite sometime. That is until Oliver insisted they moved to Vegas. It mostly because he felt guilty on Wally’s part. His husband had gone from living his dream to going into hiding. they mostly moved for the glitz and glam of the Las Vegas. Wally always insisted that he was happy no matter where they were as long as they were together and that was certainly true. however, it was entirely sweet in his book that his husband would relocate for his sake. they’ve been living there for almost a year now and of course life is perfect. they’re happily domestic now that they can finally be together. wally’s thought about dancing and singing again but he doesn’t want to risk their safety. so, he’s happily a house wife and helps oliver with his cars. and by that i mean he hands him tools and squeals in fear when oliver gets oil on him.

however their little happy life might be coming to a halt now that they’ve decided to return to LA for a bit. Wally’s family is enraged that their son left. not to mention the corny collins show has gone down hill since wall departure. if news spread that the two were back in town and that were together, all hell would break loose...again.

they don’t KNOW about ( u s ) — connections ;

oliver spade — finally his husband (to him). it feels so good for wally to finally be able to say he’s in love with an amazing, wonderful, perfect, handsome, boy out in the open. they’re together happily and that’s all that matters to wally.

you know the drill hmu for connections

#walt50s #anywAYS

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peachingboy · 7 years ago

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notice from the school 学校からのお知らせ (Part 1)

t/n finally the todoroki chapter that many people were requesting from the first light novel, it’s a pretty long part 1 though lol

with the completion of the work place experience, and the students beginning to prep for the end of term test that was soon to start too. The period between Spring and summer were calm and clear... and on that day.

“Next, Midoriya”

Along the destructed streets, an awfully lacklustre voice could be heard calling out from the ground, it was 1-A’s homeroom teacher; Aizawa. In between the long strand of hair, his tired eyes could be seen peeking through, watching his students on the third floor of a crumbling building.

“Yes”

A plain looking student, with frizzy hair and adorable freckles could be seen standing up at the sound of Aizawa’s voice. Midoriya Izuku, with a slight nervous look to his face replied.

“Deku-kun, do your best!”

Standing behind him in line, amongst the girls was a cheerful looking girl whose face could be seen peeking through, it was Uraraka Ochako.

Her lovely smiling face made Izuku blush unintentionally, with his cheeks painted red he replies “u--n!”

From the third floor to the ground, there was a connecting escape chute they were meant to get into, as he slid down, the weight of his body would crush the bag. Taking refuge,he would form tactical formulas alongside the escape chute that was there at hand.

This is Yuuei, right now the hero department class 1-A were in the midst of their fundamental hero studies. Yuuei’s school had large training grounds and in them had various facilities. The stadium could provide shelter to many or produce various accidents and conjure up natural disasters. The USJ dome was just one of them.

At USJ, the attack from the villain alliance was still a fresh memory, the wasted townscape was just one produce of that incident.

--x--

When quirks had first appeared in humanity, it was still something quite far off yet so close. One by one unique abilities began to appear, initially many people thought of it as a supernatural phenomenon, causing a ruckus by calling it a miracle. And so, from then, already about 8% of earths population had transcended quirks from their daily lives. However, at the same time groups of people who used their ability for evil deeds were also on a rise, with the explosive increase in crime rate but with the wreaking havoc and wanting to see the collapse of society, it sparked the birth of people who wanted to also protect others, to enforce justice. The heroes. Protect those who needed protection, crush those who had to much strength for their own good, they are they allies of justice. Before, this could only be achieved within a dream, but now the chance of taking up the tasks of heroes as an actual job had become a reality.

Hero was now an addition to citizenships, as it has now become a proper job title, many of the public pushed for it to be shaped by the law. However, not just anyone could be become a hero, for a hero to be deemed a hero, qualifications were necessary. The general rule also was to prohibit the use of quirk in public spaces to protect the peace of everyday life.

With approval from the rest of the country, qualifications were to be achieved, and so, for the sake of using quirks for hero-ing the hero department were implemented into the schools curriculum for them to be able to achieved these qualifications. Of course, it was natural for it to be very hard to get into.

Yuuei was the most difficult to get into, Izuku being quirkless was very rare for his generation.. To become a hero, a quirk was needed. At the age of 4, that was when quirks would usually manifest, however at the age of 4, Izuku realised the cruel reality of life. Izuku’s dream was to be like the number 1 hero; All might, but that dream.. it had only drifted further and further away. Even so, Izuku did not give up on his dream, thought anyone would tell him it was impossible, laugh and look down on him.

And then, for Izuku his wish was granted, as he crossed path with the All might he looked up. His attributes gained approval, and the gruelling training he endured was an act of encouragement, Izuku being the successor and the transfer of one for all to him from All might was kept a secret.

At first, his control of the quirk led to him getting hurt all the time, his class lessons, and All Might’s teacher Gran Torino were good guidance to him, which led to him being able to gain better control of his quirk one step at a time.

“...oh”

After the slight feeling of floating in the air, Izuku let off his escape chute and safely landed.

“Yoshi, all the boys have finished, next the girls. Yaoyorozu”

“Yes” replied the class’ vice president as she descends downwards.

“Fuu”

With Yaoyorozu Momo safely landing, there was someone of a short stature waiting for her, it was Mineta Minoru. Why was he breathing so heavily?

“What’s wrong Mineta kun?” asked Izuku, Mineta begins to further his heavy breathing.

“Midoriya, the girls on the slide deck, if they slid down their skirts would turn up, but why with the gym clothes?! I get it but.. it’s not fun at all, there’s not one merciful person!”

“Too bad, Mineta chan”

After Yaoyorozu, the next to descend downwards was a student with a frog like face, it was Asui Tsuyu.

“That’s right Mineta kun, if each skirt turned up one by one it won’t be a lesson anymore, it make moving easier for the disaster drill it’s natural for them to want to be in their gym clothes.. actually wait. This is a realistic drill right, we should assume that majority of the women would be in skirts right? I get it.. to increase a more realistic setting there should be skirts!”

Taken back by the strange agreement by a diligently dressed Iida Tenya, Izuku could only smile as he replies.

“No, I think you’re probably wrong there”

When they met for the first time at the entrance exam, he thought Iida was a scary person but now they’ve become really good friends.

“Stop with your smiling shitty Deku!”

Izuku was hit with a foul voice.

“Kacchan..”

Glaring over at Izuku with piercing eyes was Izuku’s childhood friend; Bakugou Katsuki. The reckless and foul remarks made to Izuku were an everyday occurence, but even so, if we were to compare it to the times in middle school, the reckless behaviour towards him seems to have decreased. However in the end, Kacchan was still Kacchan.

“So it’s just a shitty disaster drill huh?”

“What are you saying? when you become a hero, saving lives will be the utmost priority! That life you will save with the rescue equipments, it should be studied and practice with the utmost effort! This is a meaningful lesson!”

“Don’t you get it? you people aren’t cut out for this, I’ll just blast the villains if it comes to it, don’t you other bastards finally think that’s a good idea?”

“Hey... do you really intend of becoming a hero?”

More than anyone, Iida had a strong sense of justice, and more than anyone Bakugou had a strong sense of pride, they were an incompatible duo. As Bakugou begins to draw in closer, Izuku quickly taps Iida.

“Iida kun, calm down”

“Right, that would certainly be an undesirable act”

Close by was a cool and composed looking student, who had a burned mark on his face, he could be heard murmuring it was none other than Todoroki Shouto.

“Todoroki kun?”

“I can’t imagine Bakugou saving lives”

“What did you say bastard?!”

“Ah, I get you.. on the flip side you seem a little hurt” said Kaminari Denki who agrees.

“You bastard, what did you just say? You want to get hurt?” Bakugou’s palm was lit with explosions. The palm of his hands produces a nitro like sweat which leads to it exploding, this was Bakugou’s quirk.

After having lowered the escape chute, the girls could only blankly stare, despite all the ruckus and noise the boys were making they became obedient and meek as they momentarily stop and squirm their way in, strangely immersed by how under control everything was, it was truly amazing.

“...You lot, do you know what time it is now?” a voice could be heard.

Aizawa’s looming voice had the 1-A students stop right in their tracks, straightening out their postures. His ways of teaching has been ingrained into the students over the last several months. The looks in Aizawa’s eyes could be seen, slightly opened, there was a slight red light in his pupil. Aizawa was able to erase quirks until he blinks. He was the erasing hero, eraser head, that was Aizawa’s hero name. However to avoid hindrance to his work, as well as hating media exposure, he tended to keep himself on the low.

With students in a quiet state, the tiredness returns back to Aizawa’s eyes, he proceeds to open his mouth.

“If it’s over there or not other there, didn’t I say earlier that the mentioned station was rarely in use, wouldn’t it have been better do what you had to do there? aren’t you pros?!” He glances at all the students.

“The rescue team or police, there may be situations where they won’t make it on time, it is your duty to guide evacuations”

“Wouldn’t it be quicker to rescue instead of guiding?” Asked Hagakure Tooru, with the sleeves of her gym clothes wrinkled as she waves her arm. Hagakure’s quirk was invisibility, even so, with one glimpse you couldn’t help but feel like you’re just looking at floating clothes.

“What if you were evacuating a large crowd? What then?” Asked Yaoyorozu Momo also, Aizawa gave a slight nod.

“Right, if it’s one person or two people, rescuing them shouldn’t be a problem, however if it’s a large number of people rescue equipments would be much more suited. Now, if that time actually comes, how you’d act, you wouldn’t truly know, there wouldn’t be time for idle chat like this, so for the general purpose of this curriculum the use of rescue equipment is taught... you got that Bakugou?”

“...usu” Bakugou who was called out, gave a slight nod. Your greatest ability was to be able to compromise.

Next to Bakugou was Izuku who was clearly taken back, he begins to mutter to himself.

“I see, even though you can evacuate a large amount of people with the rescue equipment, also the quirks as a combination! But how? for example, Uraraka san who can make anything float... Sero kun’s tape... Mineta kun’s sticky balls can all be used. If it was a pro hero... hyyoo.. the varying combinations we can create are endless”

Wanting to become a hero, Izuku often researches heroes with much passion, Izuku was a splendid hero otaku, which also made him a research otaku. When he’s in his own world he tends to go off, speaking rapidly, muttering to himself, in the beginning everyone used to get startled by it but now he was on the receiving end of burning eyes. (Minus Bakugou)

“Alright, next..”

At that exact moment, a crunching like sound was heard interrupting Aizawa’s voice. Surprised, the students all looked up at the sky where a helicopter could be seen descending. And then, from the same helicopter a large body blocking bits of the sky suddenly came flying downards.

“From the sky... I have come!”

“All might?!”

With a large thud, he shooked the ground with his landing, the muscular body of his flexed his muscles in a majestic form, it was the number 1 hero All might. The front hair of his branced off into two, as he came down from the helicopter, the winds would subtly have them blow about, All might bares his white teeth and grins.

“Yaaaa, sorry for being late ladies and gentlement, as I left, I got caught up and ended up catching villains”

“Goodness, it was originally meant to be you who was in charge for today!” Amazed by Aizawa who was laying into All might, Izuku’s eyes began to sparkle.

“it’s already made it onto the internet news! I had checked during lunch time! You caught some bank robbers right?!”

“Oh yaaa... there was actually one more who barricaded himself in, but it looks like that hasn’t made it onto the news yet!”

“A-as expected, All might!”

He was the hero he had always longed to become, Izuku couldn’t help but swell up with uncontainable excitement. Amongst all the heroes, All might was a special exception, with his overwhelming strength and the existence of his being a deterrent to crime itself, in both name and reality, he was the symbol of peace.

That has now been passed on from All might to Izuku, who both share the master/student relationship . Minus several people, the connection between the two was kept a secret. All might’s original form was a very dejected looking body made of just skins and bones, however to continue with his hero activities he had to transform but the amount of time he had to hold that form had decreased.

“Young Midoriya, thank you for your kind words which has filled my belly (t/n he makes a dad pun here arigatai mou onaka ippai , the translation to english makes no sense but it cute af) but I don’t think the helicopter can wait much longer”

“Helipcopter? Is this for you to...”

“It’s an emergency right? Did you think I’ll only use it for my entrance?! Alright, from now onwards, we’ll use the helicopter for the evacuation training! Are you ready?!”

“As expected from the heroes department!”

Moved and amazed, Izuku began to mutter to himsel again, for the sake of becoming heroes of course much thought and effort would be put into providing lessons, this is afterall... Yuuei’s hero department.

--x--

The students finished their evacuation training via helicopter and had stopped off by the watery side of the snowy mountain, they all make their way back to the class room.

“For me, if I drowned in the sea, the artificial life guard could give me CPR, I’ll probably unintentionally stop breathing...”

“Hey before you go off, can you stop?”

Close by to where Mineta and Kaminari were having their conversation sat Tokoyami Fumikage muttering about the embodiment of sinful desires. Tokoyami’s bird face was part of his quirk, Dark Shadow. It was an extendable shadow, somewhat of a living creature which lived inside his body.

At the same time, Aizawa enters the classroom and in an instance everyone returned to their seats, with their straightened posture.

“Alright, good job, however without further delay, next week there’s going to be a parent’s day”

“Parent’s day?” Everyone voiced out in unification at Aizawa’s words.

“Even though it’s the hero department, they still do that?” said the spikey head Kirishima Eijirou, he was a student whose quirk allowed him to harden specific parts of his body accompanied by his strong aura of manliness.

The students began to talk amongst themselves as they distributed the parents day print out that Aizawa handed them, to one another.

“These print outs have to be handed over to your guardian, also, the purpose of these printouts are letters of gratitude to your guardians... which you have to write”

The class pauses in an instance... then a sudden outburst of laughter erupts.

“No way, this isn’t an elementary school right?” said Kaminari Denki, whom everyone seemingly agrees with but Aizawa cuts them off.

“Do you think this is a joke?”

Aizawa’s threatening tone had them silenced.

“You have to write a letter of gratitude to your guardians who has always looked after you and then you’ll have to read it aloud for the rest of us”

The students were unable to comprehend how real this was, unable to hide the bewilderment on their faces.

“Seriously?! This has to be a joke!”

“This is definitely, very embarassing”

Amongst all the chattering and disbelief, Iida shot up out of his seat and began yelling, flinging his arms around, this a usual habit of his.

“Silence! Everyone! Silence!.... Silence!”

“But Iida chan’s voice is the loudest of them all” In front of Iida sat Asui Tsuyu who had pointed it out, which Iida apologises for but proceeds to continue.

“However sensei, everyone is currently in a erratic state, let’s say for this parents day we could show them what we usually do during our classes? Also, for the letter of gratitude we have to read out loud, there has been no consent given to this! Wouldn’t it be more hero department like if we were able to show our guardians the fruits of our labour? Wouldn’t it be better to show them our initial motive?” Iida was heavily breathing out of his nose as he spoke.

“Well, this is the hero department...” replied Aizawa.

“So, what do you think?”

Aizawa glanced around the class.

“If your future goal is to become a hero, you’d be receiving alot of gratitude from the people you’ll save. However, you also have to retain that feeling of being thankful to someone, but since I’m unsure of whether you all would become pros or not.. that’s something I don’t know yet”

“I understand now! For the purpose of being a hero we should reconfirm our hearts! Only then will we be worthy enough to become heroes, the initial feeling of gratitude, our humble being, we shall not forget! To think of such a lesson plan like this... you have my consent!”

“Consent?” Ochako who was sat behind Iida could only sigh. Iida’s quick change of heart was met with bitter smiles as the class’ mood dampens and them all acknowledging their fate.

Anything could happen in the hero department, one by one each in their nervous state, they were unable to control their trembling.

“Maaaa, but before any of that, the schools issued an announcement for some light training to be organised”

“Either way we don’t win!” At the sound fo Aizawa’s words, Kaminari was ended up representing the voice of his classmates as he speaks their feelings.

--x--

“Parents day? What are we going to do about the letter of gratitude?”

“I can probably only write a thanks”

Izuku who was a little troubled muttered, as Todoroki who was walking beside him replies, with them also was Iida.

“At first I had my doubts, but now I think it’s an amazing proposal. Normally we’d already have feelings of gratitude for our family but this would be a great opportunity to reinforce these feelings, but for the letter, what is the limit of pages we can write? If it’s a few that would be troublesome, I probably wouldn’t be able to express everything.

On the street going home, in their school uniform the three of them walked together in a line, at first glance they just looked like any other high school students, but these three had actually shaken up society when they faced the hero killer Stain, which was kept a secret to protect them. These boys weren’t pro heroes, but to take down their opponent they had to use their quirks to inflict damage, which in addition breached the law of the public. Even if that opponent had previously purged numerous people who called themselves heroes.

Not wanting to expose the fact that these hero chick-lings were caught up in the hero killer fiasco, no public announcement were made. The respect Iida had for his older brother who was a victim of Stain drove him to seek revenge but ended up with Izuku and Todoroki coming to his rescue. Together, in the end it resulted in them forming a strong bond with one another.

“That’s amazing Iida kun, for you to be able to write that much... I, what could I write? Nothing comes ti mind, for the heroes they often send letters using their HP but there won’t even be much HP left for me to use for this letter”

“Is that really? I occasionally write letters of thanks”

“Letters of thanks?!”

“Once in a while, the old ladies who help me on the streets, I would send them gifts of thanks, at those times, we should show signs of acknowledgement and so, our parents should experience it too” said Iida casually.

“As expected from you” Izuku taken back and could only look on in admiration.

“I see, it’s a normal thing for you” Iida seemed embarrassed by Izuku’s reaction, whilst Todoroki agreed.

“Ah no, I can only do the minimal that I can” Iida answers disappointingly.

“I see that’s how it is” Izuku answers, the mood dampens a little.

“B-but, it’s still a good thing! This time you’d be able to a lot more!”

“... You’re right! I can write a letter of from the heart, that’s right, this time...”

Iida’s mood had lifted at Izuku’s knowing he’d be able to do more, but suddenly he begins waving his hands towards the heaven.

“ah!”

“What’s up Iida Kun?!”

“I can not believe I just careless forgot... this!” Iida pulls a sealed envelope from his bag.

“What is it?”

“They’re amusement park tickets I had received from Native san, they’re for us”

“Who’s that?”

“The hero that was there during the stain attack, why do you ask?”

“I want to be able to thank them!”

They open the envelope and pull out 4 amusement park tickets.

“Why are there 4 tickets?”

“The rides at amusement parks usually comes in two’s, I guess it’s consideration to that?”

“I see” answered Izuku, Todoroki nods in agreement.

“With much problem, we must decide on one more person we should bring” said Iida.

“That’s great!” replied Izuku with much interest.

“Maa, I don’t really mind” said Todoroki who didn’t seem to bothered.

“However, these tickets will expire by next week, how about next week Sunday? would you both be free then?”

“umm.... ah! Sorry! I can’t then!”

“Do you have something planned already?” at the ask of Iida’s question, Izuku’s large eyes began to sparkle.

“There’s going to be a hero exhibition at the culture hall! They’ll be covering the dawn of heroes, this isn’t an event you can miss! This is the chance for you to be able to see all the dawn of heroes data! Also for visitors they’ll get a special detailed photobook of the dawn of heroes!” Izuku tries to suppress his excitement.

“Goodness, Midoriya kun you really like heroes...”

“Sorry!”

“Sunday is also bad for me, I’ll be visiting my mother, sorry” Both Izuku and Todoroki could only apologise, but the slight sound of disappointment could be heard in Iida’s voice.

“Ah, I see” Iida with his usual stiff face.

“It’s a disappointing , but there’s nothing we can do about it, but it’d be such a shame to have these tickets go to waste, you should probably invite other people”

“I was planning it as just just three... ah, it’s okay if I don’t go”

“What?! suddenly Izuku was taken back a little, Todoroki and Iida looked on, confused.

“Even if the two of us won’t be able to attend, I’d personally would still go on my own...”

It was a little embarrassing for Izuku to say, both Todoroki and Iida turned their heads towards eachother.

“Midoriya kun, you have amazing knowledge and power but you’re a pretty normal person” Iida said surprised.

“That’s right” Todoroki nods in agreement.

At the surprise of the two, Izuku could only give off an awkward smile.

“...ah, Iida kun, who are you going to bring out on parents day?” Izuku asked in an attempt to change the subject, nontheless Iida still answers earnestly.

“My mother, my father has work. Midoriya kun who shall you bring from your household?”

“Probably my mother too, Todoroki kun what about you?”

“For me.. probably no one” Todoroki says casually, but in that moment Izuku realises and goes pale.

“ah!”

Considering the complex circumstance of Todoroki’s family, how could Izuku ask so casually without realising, he was filled with guilt.

If all might is the number 1 hero, the number 2 hero was flaming Endeavour, Todoroki’s father. Obsessed with his desire to become strong and over take All might he was unable to do it himself, so he set out to create the ultimate being by strengthening quirks for them to be inherited, he set out to create the ultimate combination through something known as quirk marriages. His father’s quirk was heat, his mothers quirk was ice, they were both outstanding attributes, amongst his siblings, Todoroki inherited the strongest balance from both side. From a young age, to become a hero that would surpass All might, his father had put him through strict training, with his mother trying to protecting to him even though his father would hurt her.

And so, mentally and emotionally having been drove into a corner, Todoroki’s mother poured boiling water over his face which resulted in having his mother being placed in the hospital, and from then onwards, Todoroki carried nothing but hatred for his father.

“Listen, I’m sorry”

“I see, your mother is in hospital.. I’m sorry” Both Izuku and Iida felt bad and could only apologise.

“No problem, don’t worry about it, it’s nothing you should apologise for” replied Todoroki with his usual curt self.

“However, to not have been able to experience a bright childhood, it’s such a shame” says Iida.

“.........”

Todoroki gently puts his hand into the pockets of his trousers and fumbles about with the printout that was in it.

“No big deal... also, seeing that guy just irks me”

“That guy?... you mean Endeavour san? for you to call your father that guy, you must have no admiration for him at all it seems. Why don’t you atleast try to call him father?”

“Calling that guy a shitty dad is plenty enough”

“If you don’t want to say father, what about “papa”?”

“...pa......”

“Or “daddy”?”

“....da...”

The thought of calling Endeavour other than the usual had Todoroki distorting his face, with Izuku noticing this he tries to settle the conversation.

“Uh.. h--hey! hey! There seems to be households where they call their parents by a nickname”

“However, doesn’t it seem like a thing that is done in mutual relations between friends? The level of respect somehow decreases...”

“That guy and a nickname?.. impossible”

“It’s your freedom to call him whatever you want right?!” Izuku followed on as the general belief of parental/children norm diminishes.

As they reached the bend of the street, Todoroki suddenly comes to a halt.

“Todoroki kun?”

“... I just remembered I had something to do” Izuku watching Todoroki as he loiters about, the expression of witnessing a miracle was plastered onto Izuku’s face, it may have been his imaginations but he raises his hand up...

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Get home safe!”

“yup”

#boku no hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia light novel #bnha light novel #bnha light novel translations #light novel #todoroki shouto #iida tenya #izuku midoriya #translations #noitce from the school #part 1 #when u reblog put something in the tag pls i love reading your thoughts and comments thank u #pls credit if used for other purposes thanks

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sabraeal · 8 years ago

Note

OH OH, some hakizana jealousy, modern, or not whatever u want. and you can choose which party is jealous. maybe both are. ;)

Haki would like the record to show that despite what some people might say, she was not trying to start trouble.

She’s just so bored.

Introductions have been made (this is Haki, my daughter, he father says with an open gesture, as if she’s one of the Gould up on the wall; you remember my fiancée, Izana drawls, hand warm on the small of her back, right above where the deep vee of her dress ends, Haki), and she’s summarily abandoned at a cocktail table as her father and fiancé work the room. She presumes her purpose must be to spice up that particular corner, which only holds a sad potted plant nearly her height and what she assumes is a modern sculpture, but looks like an uncooked, oversized, marble piece of penne.

She’s not the only one to have been abandoned as table dressing; there’s more than a few women standing around like cosmopolitan-drinking gazelle, left by their much more important dates to go gladhand and make money. She sees Medina’s wife among them, holding court with a bunch of doe-eyed girls that can’t be much more than eighteen and are probably here on visa. She should try to talk to them, she knows; that’s her job, to winnow information from wives and girlfriends, to smile in all the right places, leverage all the right friendships. She knows this. She was raised for this.

But she can’t be that person, not tonight. Makiri’s face keeps surfacing in her mind, hair shorn to a finger’s worth of bristle, his features grainy on the SATphone’s display. He’s happy now, but she remembers when this was a problem that needed fixing, when every phone call was we need to talk about that brother of yours. Tonight he’s just a talking point for when someone asks after the American flag pinned on her father’s lapel.

That’s the thing about Pandora’s Box, isn’t it? Once you let something out, it never fits back in again.

She needs a minute, Haki thinks, catching Izana’s back as he traverses the room, deep in conversation with some of her father’s associates. She just needs to get herself collected.

The bathrooms at the venue are spacious private stalls, complete with well-lit vanities. She wants to splash water on her face, but she spent an hour making her face look photoshop-flawless; its the sort of effort that can’t be recreated in a public bathroom, no matter how nice. Instead she digs into her clutch, pulling out her phone, connecting dots to get through her lock screen.

She’s not supposed to use her phone at these things; it’s been drilled into her since her father bought her a rhinestone-studded Razr for her thirteenth birthday that a girl who drags out her phone at a formal function for entertainment is vapid and petulant – two things that aren’t part of the persona they’ve agreed on. But she’s not a child now, and if she wants to feed small virtual kitties in the privacy of this public stall to retain some of her chill, she’s going to fucking do it.

Or at least, she is until she sees she’s got a missed text.

u gt th thing rt?

Haki blinks, trying to translate garbage into human speak.

YesSorry ObiI meant to send you a thank you emailI can definitely use that

She doesn’t expect an immediate text back; the timestamp places it a few hours ago, and Obi is mercurial in his texting etiquette, but she’s hardly put it down when the phone begins to buzz against the marble.

n e q?

She stares at the text for a moment longer than she has any earthly reason to, and groans.

Only why you text like a garbage person

aesthetics

Your aesthetic is the garbage?

i prefer to think of myself as a performance artist and terrible garbage texting is my medium

It certainly engenders the same feelings as when I view modern art

rage at your own mortality and frustration at the futility of life?

NoNausea

His only response is a line of indecipherable emoji – she thinks half of them are semaphore flags –and she assumes she at least made him laugh.

“Haki.”

She turns at the unfamiliar voice, smile bright on her face even though she just missed the bacon-wrapped scallops again. It’s an older man she’s never spoken to, but she recognizes him from Izana’s notes as one of the men he’s courting for investment capital.

DeLeo, forty-five. He’s into sustainable living close communities.

“That’s your name, isn’t it?” he asks, suddenly unsure. Humility is charming in a man with a nine-digit net worth. “I heard Izana introduce you.”

“It is.” She smiles. Even without the notes, she’s familiar with his work. A fan, even. She’s been trying to get her father to look into his designs for the past year. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

He hurries to put out his hand, wincing when he realizes how firmly he’s gripped hers. “Mark,” he says, “Mark DeLeo. I’m –” His eyes run over her once before he settles on. “I’m an associate of his.”

It’s only training that keeps her mouth from going rigid. “You build sustainable communities, don’t you?”

His eyebrows go up at that, like he’s surprised to see she can do more than stand around and look nice. “I do. Has Izana talked about my work?”

He pitches forward, curious, but she sees the lift at one side of his mouth and – ah, that’s his game. He’s hoping to get information out of the girlfriend. He wants leverage, wants to know how bad Izana needs him.

“No,” she lies smoothly. “I just read about your work in Wired. I liked your idea for recycling water for hydroponics.”

“Oh.” He pulls away, disappointed. “You don’t happen to know where he is, do you?”

She feels her smile pull tight. She’s not the one with the money, she reminds herself, there’s no reason for him to want to talk to her.

“Of course,” she says, so cordial.“I think he just ducked onto that balcony.“

Now that she knows there could be a text waiting for her, she feels more of an impulse to check.

She’s stealthy at least, making sure neither Izana or her father are looking when she slips around the corner to the bathroom.

speaking ofdon’t tell me you’re staying in tonightare all your besties at promises?

Haki coughs at that, wishing she hadn’t chosen that moment to try to sneak a drink of water.

Please, no one goes to Promises anymoreIt’s like you don’t even read the gossip column

vile slanderi know all the hot celebrity gossipi even know which olsen twin is which without googlingthat’s why im shidan’s favorite

I didn’t realize he was such a fanI’ll get him an autograph the next time they’re in town

okay but only mary kateshidan says ashley is a hackshe was really phoning it in on it takes two

“Haki,” croons one of the women by the bar. All of them are looking when she turns to them, but it’s Medina’s wife that continues, “Are you all right?”

“Chantel.” She keeps her voice even, almost friendly. Medina is old enough to be her father and Chantel is close enough to her age to be her sister, but that’s not her business. “I’m just fine. Thank you for asking.”

She hopes that’s the end of it, but of course it’s not. You don’t get on a reality show by being the sort of person who doesn’t create conflict.

“I just see you’re going to the bathroom a lot.” She leans in, mouth canted smugly. “And out with that fresh new fiancéof yours.”

Haki can’t help the way her gaze shifts to him, deep in conversation across the room, DeLeo and Medina both gesturing with some passion. What she wouldn’t give to trade place for even a moment.

“Maybe you’ll need to consider letting out the waistline of your dress.,” Medina’s wife presses. “Or maybe buying in an ivory?”

She has been drinking champagne half the evening, but this is what Chantal comes up with? She scans the crowd for cameras – usually there’s paperwork if they’re filming, but there’s no reason to take the chance – and Haki gives her a smile that is all teeth.

“Oh, Chantel don’t worry,” she coos, laying a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “I’d never wear something that looked so fake as a white dress.”

Haki plucks the cosmo right out of her hands and downs it, handing her the empty glass with a smile. “It looks like we have a good bartender tonight, doesn’t it?”

She’s eyeing her next opportunity for escape when she feels a hand at her back, a warm breath in her ear.

“Are you feeling all right?” Izana asks, sounding as if she could be bleeding on the floor and he would still be flagging down the server for a canape.

“Perfectly,” she purrs back, flashing him a smile. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” His tone very clearly says yes. “It’s only that Chantal was saying she’s seen you taking frequent trips to the lavatory.”

Chantal Medina is not getting a Christmas basket this year. “Oh no. Just a little too much champagne.”

The look he gives her now is earnestly concerned, his hand sliding around to palm her hip soothingly. “If you don’t feel well, we can leave.”

“No, no.” She flashes her teeth at him. “I’ll just switch to water.”

The balcony is the safest place,as long as she stands just beside the doors, obscured by fronds.

And just where are you tonightIf you’re judging me for my plans

under my roommatenot as exciting as you would thinkalso youre at a GALA of course im gonna judge that shit

Under your roommate?If you’re texting me then you’re really good at what you’re doingOr excessively bad

wouldnt u like to know

A picture loads on screen of a red head buried in his side, both of their legs tangled on the couch. Haki’s half tempted to tell Izana to break out the champagne, since his devious plan is well on its way to working.

Not to be crassBut perhaps you should consider waking the girl with your clothes onAnd suggesting she give them back

intriguing ideabut still not interested

Come on, didn’t they teach you how to handle girls in your boyband days?

yeah but all those chastity agreements really harsh the whole player vibe

Just bend down in front of herI’m sure everything will work itself outYou have that Park Jimin ass

how dare u utter the name of my bitter rivalPark Jimin has MY ass

She hesitates.

You two look cute, though

don’tpls

“Ah,” drawls a voice right next to her ear. “Here you are.”

She stiffens guiltily, but the phone is already being lifted from her hands. Izana thumbs off the screen, not even glancing at its content. His smile is wide and fake; he must think someone is watching them.

He slips her phone back into her clutch, palm brushing against her waist. “You don’t want your father catching you with that.”

She shakes her head, watching him with wide eyes. She doesn’t think she’ll ever quite be used to how he talks low like that, how he makes her breath come short.

His fingers band around her wrist, gentle but stern. “I think,” he says, with no humor at all, “That you and I should have a talk. Privately.”

#anonymous #hakizana #the wide florida bay #100 days of obiyuki (and more)#my fic #ans #modern au #The Wide Florida Bay #worry not #there shall be a sequel to this later #during the prompt-a-thon #which i'm sure will answer all your burning questions

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werenzki · 8 years ago

Text

Connor McDavid #1

astilinski24 said: Could u do a Connor Mcdavid imagine where you live in Toronto and u play volleyball and you get transferred to the university of Alberta and you don’t tell him and you surprise him at his game and they win and you tell him after and it’s all fluffy

A/N: Thank you so much for the request, I just hope I did whatever you had envisioned some kinda justice lol :) Feel free to leave some other requests guys, I love receiving them! Also any feedback is nice too.

Word Count: 2,162

Long distance is by far one of the hardest things couples can endure. But Connor and you weren’t doing as bad as some would assume, in fact it was about to get a hell of a lot better. Those short day-long trips or waiting around till bye week and Christmas was about to change to potentially seeing one another every day. Cause you were no longer a Varsity Blue in Toronto and officially now a Golden Bear at the University of Alberta.

“How are you not calling him and telling him the good news? I don’t get you,” your friend said in disbelief while you just shook your head and looked out the window of the plane.

“I like surprises,” you shrugged.

“You, and you alone, Y/N,”

The plane was landing in the early morning hours here in Edmonton, and it was now t-minus 8 hours to get your dorm room all settled before throwing on your orange 97 jersey and heading over to Rogers Place where Connor was playing against Winnipeg. You glanced down at your phone as you gathered your luggage bags and handed one off to your friend.

Good afternoon babe, how was your morning?

You almost forgot about the usual couple hours difference as you looked up to read to new time on your phone. Connor must’ve just been getting to practice for the day, you just thought it was cute he always kept the time zones in mind - except he’d know soon enough that was no longer necessary.

Good morning baby :) it’s been good, going to practice?

Yeah, big game tonight

Well, good luck, I might get pretty busy tonight with school work so I don’t know if I’ll catch the game :(

It’s okay, schools always first babe

You smiled down at your phone before focusing on getting yourself and your very helpful friend to your new home. Your dorm was nice, spacious enough for you, thankfully you were able to get a dorm for just yourself and not have a dormmate. The university was even so nice there were bathrooms inside your dorm and a little ensuite kitchen too. Downstairs there was a common room, and flyers plastered everywhere giving you the idea that the building held some different activities every week.

“So what exactly is your plan here, Y/N?” Your friend asked as the two of you got into a taxi and were on your way to the game.

“Drop a few hints, then he’ll see me after the game and think I’m just visiting but really, I’m here to stay,” you smiled while opening up your messages again.

It’s cold in Edmonton, hey?

Yeah, it was nice last week but of course we were on the road that week

How’s the school work going?

Took a little break :)

I’ll be watching your game tonight

“Way to be vague, as if he’s going to guess you’re in the damn arena,” your friend said while reading over your shoulder. You rolled your eyes but then looked out the window while waiting for Connor’s reply. Edmonton wasn’t too bad, besides the bits of snow on the ground the place was kinda nice.

Great! :) Tell me how I do

Always do lol

You were always texting Connor during the game, knowing very well he wasn’t reading the messages till after, but seeing it from a viewer/fans point was different than being on the ice. Connor and you have been supportive of each others sports careers since the beginning. You cheering him on in Juniors and him coming to your provincial finals and now next year during the worlds competition. It just happened that you had better access to watching him play.

Once you were in the - incredibly nice - new arena, you make sure to go pick up a foam finger from the Oilers Store before racing down the stairs to catch Connor while he was warming up. The boys were already on the ice, zooming around and shooting at the empty net.

There were a couple kids by the glass as you approached it, you kept your distance but it didn’t take long for someone to notice you - that someone being Patrick Maroon. You’ve met a handful of times and seen each other over FaceTime more than enough times that you weren’t surprised as he threw everyones drills off and raced over to where Connor was standing by the bench.

You chuckled as Patrick spoke to Connor, then frantically pointing to where you were standing. As Connor looked your way, you waved and had a big dumb smile on your face. Ryan Nugent-Hopkins had just skated passed, waving to the kids before giving you a funny look and coming to a stop.

“Hey!” He shouted.

“Hey,” you mouthed back and just then Connor skated over so fast he nearly knocked Ryan on his feet. The couple kids in front of you started banging on the glass as a wide eyes Connor looked right at you.

“What the hell?!” He shouted. You just smiled and shrugged your shoulders. He gave the kids beside you a look and smiled but then looked from back to you, still in a slight shock.

“Warm up!” You shouted to him, being sure to mouth it properly. He shook his head at first but you just giggled and then puckered your lips at him before turning on your heels and meeting your friend back at your seats.

The game was well on the way, half way through the second period when Connor get his first goal of the night. On a power play, he extended their lead to another point - now 2 ahead of the opposing team. But he wasn’t done for the night, managing to get another goal and another assist, proving why more than half of the arena wore his name on the back of their Oilers jerseys. Every time his name got announced over the speakers and the crowd of loyal fans cheered, you got goosebumps. Sure, it was his second season in the NHL, but you still felt as though this was all so surreal.

It only felt like yesterday that you and Connor were smiling for the first day of high school. Then you two were trying to play off like your friendship wasn’t more than a friendship. But you were young and then you never saw having a boyfriend as a big deal, so that’s how it stayed till the final day of summer before your final year of high school. Connor got the guts, bringing you to the lake and waiting for the sun to set, before finally asking you to be his girlfriend. You were there for the Otters, the NHL draft, and his first game as an Edmonton Oiler.

But you also missed a lot too, because while his life went on so did yours. Just because Connor’s big dreams were coming true didn’t mean that yours got put on hold. So you packed your bags for Toronto while he packed his for Edmonton, and as nervous as you were that the distance would ruin your relationship it never did. Then this past semester when you got the opportunity to transfer to Edmonton, you knew things were only going to get better.

“How did we even get down here?” Y/F questioned while you were making your way through the back hallways of Rogers Place.

“I have my tricks,” you shrugged while taking your next turn. Security gave you a look but saw the badge around your neck, letting you pass by and you could see the large doors that lead to the dressing room.

There were still some lingering press, but you also noticed the few other wives and girlfriends and parents in the hallway too. All waiting for the winners to finish up and leave Rogers to celebrate in whatever way they had planned. You smiled and waved to Cam’s wife before sliding up next to Ryan’s girlfriend. The two of you chatted, letting the fact you moved slide into the conversation.

“Oh my god, Connor must be so happy!”

“He doesn’t know quite yet, but I’m sure he will be,” you smiled just as the doors opened and players filed out.

Ryan walked up - just after Leon had said a quick hello, giving you a hug before walking off - and had a confused look on his face when he looked at you after giving his girlfriend a hug. He was about to question you when Patrick Maroon walked up as well.

“Y/N,” his loud voice boomed, “give our boy a heart attack like that again and you could have a target on your back for putting him in the hospital,” he joked while giving you a hug.

“Hey, my boy scored a goal and got not one but two assists,” you gave him a smug look, “so if anything that heart attack helped, so you’re welcome, Patty,” you reached forward to punch him in the arm and he only chuckled before saying his goodbyes and walking off.

“He’s doing press, by the way,” Ryan said.

“I figured,”

“Why the surprise tonight?” He questioned, you shrugged and licked your lips while looking towards the closed doors.

“Tonights full of surprises,”

“Well, it was good seeing you again, Y/N,”

“You too, Ry,” you smiled and gave him a hug. He and his girlfriend walked off hand-in-hand and then you and Y/F talked till Connor was finished. You knew it wouldn’t take him long, so when he was rushing out the door with Oscar and Adam behind him you weren’t surprised as he jogged towards you.

You chuckled as his arms wrapped around you and lifted you into the air. You connected your lips once you were back on your feet, cupping his face and when you broke apart he was grinning but had his eyebrows pulled together. “Surprised?” You asked.

“Duh,” he chuckled.

“You’re about to be more surprised,” Y/F muttered behind you. Connor looked over your shoulder and saw her, saying a quick hello but not missing a beat on what she had said.

“What does she mean?” He questioned.

“You did so well tonight, baby,” you said with a smile, your hands running down his face till they met his hands that you then held.

“Y/N,” he was eager.

“Alright, so I’ve been keeping this from you for a while but,” you inhaled deeply as it looked as though Connor was about to throw up. “I am officially attending the University of Alberta and have moved to Edmon-” you couldn’t even finish your sentence before Connor’s lips were crashing onto yours.

Adam cheered while walking past you two, you broke apart to catch his girlfriend smack him on the arm, Connor only chuckled at him teammate. But his attention was quickly back onto you. His eyes staring longingly into yours, hands still cupping your face after the kiss, and you could feel his mind racing.

“Want to go check out my dorm?” You asked. Connor chuckled and brought your body into his.

“This night just keeps getting better and better,” he muttered into your hair while embracing you tightly. You chuckled and hugged him back, getting a chill down your spine as the realization hit you - for the first time in over a year you and your boyfriend lived in the same city.

“Alright, let’s not forget about me, the one who helped you with all of this,” Y/F grumbled behind you. Connor let go of you and you turned to look back at her, she looked tired which you couldn’t blame her after the long day the two of you had.

“My couch pulls out into a bed,” you shrugged while smiling at her. She rolled her eyes but sighed.

“Just get me to a bed, today’s been a long day,” she started walking down the hall - she had no idea where to go but you could guess she was just going the way the other players had gone. “Oh, congrats on the win by the way, dude,” she said over her shoulder to Connor.

Connor chuckled at her but thanked her as we all walked down the hallway. Once we were at the elevator you put your arm around Connor and leaned into him. He looked down at you while you looked up, “you really did play incredibly tonight, Con,” you said.

“That’s cause my lucky charm was here,” he smiled.

You rolled your eyes at his stupid cheesy comment, the same one he has been using for years now. Even back when you were 15 and watching him play in the minor - then only being friends - but he still claimed you were his lucky charms, even when his team would lose.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he muttered into your hair as the elevator doors opened up.

“To stay, baby,” you said with a smile.

#mcdavid mine #connor mcdavid #edmonton oilers #oilers #connor mcdavid imagine #nhl imagine #request mine

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72r3abuhxpt4z · 8 years ago

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Often the 5 Best Ways to Invest in Platinum

A passage from Collapse of the Dollar… and Exactly why It’s Great For Your Purchases

The ultimate dollar hedge purchase will always be gold. Investing in yellow metal through ownership of the steel itself, mutual funds, or maybe gold mining stock provides most direct counter for the dollar. As the dollar is catagorized, gold will inevitably surge. In a moment, we’ll give you many ways for positioning your current portfolio to profit from a new bull market in precious metal. For now, we emphasize advantages probability of gold’s foreseeable future. The real potential for profits inside the coming years and decades won't be found in the traditional Us blue chip industry. It really is a financial dinosaur that can will no longer compete in the world market.

The long run growth is going to be seen in rare metal. The world economy may continue to be off the gold standard, yet ultimately the tangible associated with gold as the basis intended for real value-whether acknowledged simply by central banks or not-will never ever change. Historically, this has for ages been the case, and it always will probably be. In other words, we are on a “gold standard” in spite of the popularity connected with fiat.

You have many choices.

In this post, you’ll discover five approaches to invest in gold. Based on your height of market experience and knowledge of products, one of these will be suitable for you. 1 . Direct control.

There is nothing like gold bullion, the greatest expression of pure price. Historically, many civilizations have got recognized the permanence associated with gold’s value. For example , Silk civilizations buried vast numbers of gold with deceased pharaohs in the belief that they can use it in the afterlife. Fantastic wars were fought, between other reasons, to pillage retailers of gold. Why typically the allure? The answer: Gold could be the only real money, and its valuation cannot be changed or manipulated by government fiat-the root reason for governments to go off of the gold standard, unfortunately. Gold’s value will rise using the pure forces of source and demand, no matter what Mr.. Greenspan decrees regarding percentage of interest or greenbacks in blood flow. The big disadvantage to possessing gold is that it tends to buy and sell with a wide spread between wager and ask prices. So rarely expect to turn a fast income. You’ll buy at retail store and sell at wholesale, thus you’ll need a big selling price jump just to break even. Still you should not view gold as being a speculative asset, but the defensive asset for having value. Since your dollars will certainly fall in value, gold is best place to preserve value. The most effective forms for gold property are through minted silver and gold coins: one-ounce South African 1oz krugerrands, Canadian Maple Leafs, as well as American Eagles. 2 . Yellow metal exchange-traded funds.

The latest explosion in exchange traded finances (ETFs) presents an even more exciting way to invest in gold. A great ETF is a type of shared fund that trades over a stock exchange like an ordinary commodity. The ETF’s exact stock portfolio is fixed in advance and change. Thus, the two platinum ETFs that trade in the us both hold gold bullion being a one and only asset. You can track down these two ETFs under the image “GLD” (for the streetTRACKS Gold Trust) and “IAU” (for the iShares COMEX Gold Trust). Either ETF offers a practical way to maintain gold in an investment selection. 3. Gold mutual money.

For people who are hesitant to buy physical gold, but still need some exposure to the platinum, gold mutual funds supply a helpful alternative. These cash hold portfolios of yellow metal stocks-that is, the stocks and options of companies like Newmont Mining that mine to get gold. Newmont is an sort of a senior gold investment. A senior is a huge, well-capitalized company that has been close to several years and has a lucrative track record. They tend to own recognized mines that produce identified quantities of gold annually. For many investors, selection of this kind of company is a more average or conservative play (versus picking up cheap shares inside fairly young companies). several. Junior gold investment stocks.

This kind of level of stock is more assuming. Junior stocks are less vulnerable to own productive mines, and may even be exploration plays-with increased potential profits but also together with greater risk of loss. Increased is likely to be smaller than capitalization with the senior gold stocks. That range of investments is for buyers whose risk tolerance is usually broader, and who take the possibility of gold-based losses in trade for the potential for triple-digit profits. 5. Gold options in addition to futures.

For the more sophisticated as well as experienced investor, options permit you to speculate in gold rates. But in the options market, it is possible to speculate on price motions in either direction. Popular a call, you are wishing prices will rise. Any call fixes the purchase price and so the higher that price should go, the greater the margin regarding the fixed option price and also current market price. When you buy any put, you expect the price for you to fall. Buying options is unsafe, and more people lose as compared to win. In fact , about 3/4 of all options bought conclude worthless. The options market is intricate and requires experience and comprehending. To generalize, options have got two key traits-one negative and one good. The good feature is that they enable an investor to regulate a large investment with a smaller than average and limited, amount of money. Unhealthy trait is that options end within a fixed period of time. Hence, for the buyer time is a enemy because as the termination date gets closer, a option’s “time value” fades away. Anyone investing in options has to understand all of the risks just before they spend money. The coins market is far too complex to the vast majority of investors. Also experienced options investors understand the high risk nature from the futures market. Considering the variety of ways to get into the gold industry, futures trading is the most elaborate and, while big luck could be made, they can be lost in an instant.

We are unable to know, predict, or even suppose, when the demise of the dollars is going to occur, or how fast it will take place. But we know it is going to occur. The sad mismanagement of monetary coverage by the Fed over a long time has made this inevitable.

Getting rid of the U. S. economical system from the gold common was not merely a decision regarding short-term effect. Nixon could have seen the move as a method for solving current monetary problems, but it had sustainable impacts: trade deficits, increasing federal debt, and the capacity to print money endlessly and produce a new credit-based economy. Globally, the decision by the United States essentially forced all other major stock markets to also go off often the gold standard.

Any buyer who views the financial crisis broadly-both domestically and internationally-can see that trouble lies in advance. We have delayed the inescapable because China is a lover in our monetary woes.

The actual Chinese are building their particular debt on the dubious first step toward the U. S. buck, and other Asian economies are already forced to go along for any ride. When the dollar crumbles, many other countries will suffer at the same time. The offset, logically, is situated in commodities. Investing in oil companies makes sense, for example , because the associated with oil is rising so that it becomes more difficult to exercise oil those companies that will own drilling and pursuit operations will benefit. Prudent to invest in other commodities likewise.

The tangible asset enjoy is clearly where potential value is going to lie. Together with China’s never-ending need for fossil fuel, iron ore, tungsten, birdwatcher, oil, and other metals, innovations in tangible markets is the vivid spot in the gloomy economically based economics of the world.

Major the charge is precious metal. It is ironic that financial policy follows a foreseeable pattern.

Governments overprint funds and their currency crashes. Certainly, they always return to rare metal, but often at fantastic expense and with considerable enduring. We find ourselves in another one particular moments in time where irresponsible monetary policy has set us at risk. But we all don’t have to simply hold on tight and wait for the demise in the dollar; we can take action today because that demise is fantastic for your portfolio-if you placement yourself in tangible property rather than in empty redbull promises and the bizarre fiscal premise of U. T. monetary policy.

Goods and services may be paid for only with services and goods. Currency is nothing but the IOU, a promissory observe that is not backed up with virtually any tangible value. Once we get to our national credit limit, economic policy will be forced to help retreat. When that happens, standard investors and their savings addresses are going to be hit hard. The particular beneficiary of the falling money will be the investor whose coopération emphasize tangible value of items: resources and precious metals.

Every single danger to one group of people is definitely invariably an opportunity to another. All of it depends on where you position oneself. Those investors positioned in dollar-based investments are going to suffer the losing of purchasing power when the dollar’s value disappears. Those who have shifted their investments to higher surface will benefit from the change.

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sutterbabe · 8 years ago

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#2.5 Connor McDavid [Part 2]

HIIII CAN U PLEASE DO A PART 2 OF THE MCDAVID IMAGINE? ITS SO GOOD

Song suggestion: Push off by The Palms bc its a #jam

My whole aesthetic is connor mcdavid being an awkward dork bc same

“Hello?” you questioned as your facetime call connected to show you nothing more than the ceiling of what you assumed to be Connor McDavid’s hotel room. You were prickling with nervous energy as you prepared to pull off the greatest surprise ever (you may have been overselling it a bit, but ‘a pretty good surprise’ just didn’t have the same ring to it’).

“Yeah, I’m here. Give me two seconds!” Came your boyfriend’s slightly muffled reply. Plonking down on the bed beside his phone Connor muttered a couple of swear words as the phone bounced off the bed. Picking it gingerly off the floor he was greeted by the sight of you smothering your laughter. “Whoops.” he murmured. “Hey,” he greeted softly, a small frown flickering in his features.

“Hey there, Birthday Boy” you replied with a grin, making his cheeks tint red. Taking note of his solemn expression, you pouted. “What’s up?"

He shrugged, running a hand absentmindedly through his hair. “Just nerves, I guess.” he admitted. He was silent for a moment and you could practically see him debating wether or not to give you specifics. “We really need another win.”

You nodded quietly, knowing where this was going. “You had a great one last night.”you told him, smiling as you remembered the giant grin it had put on his face.

“But I had you there.” he replied quietly. “lucky charm, remember?” you smiled a little at that. Despite the fact that it was nice knowing he wanted you there, you didn’t like seeing him so anxious. If this got much worse you knew you were going to crack and spill the secret. He sighed gently. “I just wish you could be here.”

you nodded knowingly in agreement. “I know, Connor,” sucking in a silent breath, you continued with. “if I could, I would.” Which seemed like a safe statement to go with. Truthfully, you were actually in the arrivals section of the airport waiting for your bags to come out. You’d told Connor that you had to go back to your hometown for a 'family thing’ and couldn’t even be in Edmonton for his birthday (which didn’t matter since he’d started a road trip anyway). What he didn’t know was that you were lying though your teeth and were going to see most of the away games he was playing on this road trip.

“I know. It just sucks.” he replied truthfully. “This road trip thing is really putting that million year promise to the test huh?”

you rolled your eyes. “It’s practically impossible to hate you, Con. Is it so hard to accept the fact that I love you?”

He huffed. “I just…I don’t know"

You frowned, hating that he was already beating himself up about a game that hadn’t even started yet. His perfectionism was both a blessing and a curse. “Look, Connor, you won last night,” you said, smiling again at the memory. “I’m sure you can do it again.”

He smiled half-heartedly at your optimism. “you know it’s not that simple.”

you sighed, “I know but just…I don’t know channel your positive vibes into more wins.”

Despite himself, Connor snorted. “Channel my positive vibes?” he questioned incredulously. “have you been reading all those self improvement articles?” he asked jokingly.

you rolled your eyes, attempting to keep as straight a face as possible. “Yeah, I run a spiritual yoga blog.”

He snorted but caught sight of your expression, which you had managed to hold by some miracle, and quickly turned serious. “you are joking, right?”

“Kumbaya” you hummed, finally cracking with a snort of laughter which set Connor off as well. It was a few moments til you could compose yourselves. You smiled softly, seeing that you’d managed to get Connor to loosen up a bit and he didn’t look nearly as antsy as before. “Anyway, you keep that winning streak going for me then. I like seeing you happy, especially on your birthday.” you informed him.

Connor chuckled. “Anything for you, huh?"

“Sounds about right.” You agreed teasingly, with a fond grin towards your phone screen. You watched as he smiled back, before running another hand through his troubled hair. “And happy birthday, gorgeous! I can’t wait till you get home!” you added. He flushed gently again, glancing down slightly.

“Trust me, I can’t either.” he mumbled, making you laugh.

“I’ll talk to you after tonight’s win, yeah?” you agreed. He shook his head gently with a small smile.

“You’re hopeless.”

You laughed. “I love you!”

“I love you too.” he replied warmly before you need the call.

You hope he fell for it.

You straightened your McDavid jersey as you walked slowly into the arena, home-made sign in hand. You eased your way down to the boards where you found yourself beside three of the cutest kids, each in oilers jerseys.

“You’re an Oilers fan too?” one of them, a boy about eight, asked you excitedly. “Aw yeah! I told you we won’t be the only ones.” he told his sister triumphantly.

She poked her tongue out at him. “I didn’t say that, I said maybe.” she retorted indignantly. She didn’t look much older than her brother, maybe ten or so.

“Is McDavid your favourite?” You glanced down at who you presumed was the youngest of the three. You chuckled a little, watching as the other two watched for your answer. For added effect you leaned down as if telling them a big secret.

“He is, but don’t tell him that.” you whispered with a laugh.

They stared up at you with wide eyes. “Why not?”

You giggled, “Because I told him that Nuge was my favourite.”

“You know Connor McDavid?!” they questioned excitedly.

You chuckled at their expressions. “Just a little.” With grins like that, you were going to have to add ‘tell them you know Connor McDavid’ to your list of ‘How to make kids fall in love with you in under three minutes’. “But shh,” you told them quietly, leaning down again. “he doesn’t know I’m here.”

Their eyes sparkled. “You’re surprising him?” the boy questioned with a big goofy grin.

You nodded eagerly. “Do you think he’ll love it?”

They all nodded rapidly and you received a chorus of ‘yes!’, ‘of course!’ and ‘I love surprises!’. You grinned at them happily just as the players took the ice for warm ups. Connor was already in what you liked to call ‘obsessive focus mode’ which basically happened right before a game he was nervous for. He kept his head down and hyper-fixated on a drill or two. You could tell the rest of the team was picking up on it too because they were all stony faced and determined. Eventually Milan Lucic skated past to pass a puck to the kids, and when he finally glanced up and saw you, you were able to watch as a wide grin split his face. You grinned, pressing a finger to your lips, making him chuckle.

“Davo,”

Connor glanced up as Lucic skated over to join him. “What’s up?” Con questioned, seeing the grin that his teammate was trying, a failing, to hide. “What?” he asked defensively as Lucic just kept grinning.

He shrugged. “I just saw some of the smiliest kids who can’t wait to see you.”

Connor shrugged. “Can’t hurt.” he replied, glancing back the way Lucic had come from. Instead of the kids, it was your sign that caught his eye. “No way,” he mumbled. Lucic chuckled, and clapped him on the back.

You watched his jaw slacken in surprise, his gaze fixed intently on you but his expression was quickly replaced by an amused smirk as he licked his lips, shaking his head lightly in disbelief a small smile playing on his lips as he glanced down. You grinned, not failing to miss the not-so-covert glances he continued to send you throughout warm ups, the faint smile never failing, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Eventually he found his way over to the glass beside you, waving a little at the ‘three musketeers’ as you’d dubbed them. You watched with a laugh as they almost died of excitement. He was grinning excitedly at you, pressed up to the glass opposite you. “Happy Birthday?” You tried, wiggling your sign which cause him to laugh.

“You’re here!” he exclaimed.

You nodded with a laugh. “Couldn’t miss your birthday could I?”

He shook his head in disbelief, banging his helmet lightly against the glass before skating off, which made you laugh.

“I think he liked his surprise.” One of the kids piped up from beside you.

“I think he did, too.” you chuckled.

That much was evident as Connor couldn’t wipe the grin off his face for the entirety of the game. Just the knowledge that it was because of you gave you warm fuzzies. Even the few choice words you heard being exchanged throughout the game didn’t seem to dampen his mood. Connor McDavid was delighted and his good mood seemed to be seeping through to the rest of the team. The Oilers came out with the win and you swore Connor’s cellys got even more adorable every game. Seeing him so happy was your favourite part about watching him play. You were so in love with him, it wasn’t funny.

After the game, you made your way down to wait for him by the Visitors’ locker rooms. You knew he’d be a little while because he’d be celebrating with the rest of his teammates and, of course, the press would want a piece of the action as well. Given all that, you had been fiddling around on your phone, not at all expecting him to be out for a while when someone raced towards you, you had just enough time to glance up before you were engulfed in a huge hug that almost knocked you off your feet. You giggled, your boyfriend was practically allergic to PDA but here he was pressing kisses to every inch of your face he could find.

“Happy Birthday, Con!” you exclaimed, giving him a little squeeze. “You were amazing out there!”

“I told you,” he laughed. “Lucky charm.” he squeezed your sides gently, causing you to squeak slightly and writhe beneath his fingers in an attempt to get out of his grip. He laughed, finally relenting and wrapping an arm around your waist. “Aren’t you quite the con artist, huh?” he continued. “had me thinking, you were all wrapped up by the tv at home with your family.”

You smirked at the thought. “Well, I had to get you back for that awful first date.” you joked.

“If this is what I get for bad dates, I might have to take you on a few more then.” He replied, leaning down to kiss you carefully. “But really,” he continued, sobering up. “thank you for coming.”

You smiled warmly and kissed his cheek. “Anything for you, huh?”

He hummed. “I like the sound of that.”

“I’m sure you do."

#connor mcdavid #team North America #edmonton oilers #canada #Oilers #A GOOD PURE BOY #writing

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dentalinfotoday · 8 years ago

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Now that you’ve made the decision to get a dental implant, you may be experiencing a little apprehension wondering what comes next, if it will hurt and how long it will take to recover. Relax. It’s easier than you think.

While a dental implant is by no means a simple procedure, just knowing what to expect will make all the difference.

The main steps of a dental implant

1. X-rays: The perfect picture

Your dentist needs x-rays for evaluative and prognostic purposes. X-rays, panoramic x-rays or a 3D CT scan will be used to determine bone and gum condition and to identify any potential caveats. For an in-depth look at the different types of dental x-rays, click here.

2. Making a good impression

Your dentist will need to take an impression of your mouth which will provide a pretty good replica of your teeth, gums and surrounding tissues from which to work with. He or she will determine the right size plastic or metal impression tray for your mouth and fill it with a soft liquid such as alginate or polyvinyl siloxane. You will bite down on the U-shaped plastic or metal impression tray. The liquid will set after a minute or two and become a solid rubber mass. You will then open your mouth and the tray will be removed and sent to a lab for processing.

Keep in mind…

While most people have absolutely no problem, the impression process can be unpleasant for those who have an active gag reflex or experience panic over not being able to open their mouth or swallow properly. Simple as it sounds, the best advice I can give is, don’t think about it! And, don’t be afraid to share your concerns with your dentist.

There are techniques to keep you from gagging or panicking. Breathe deeply through your nose and try to distract yourself. If there’s a TV in the room, focus on that. If there’s music playing, listen for the beat. Count. Play a game of golf in your head. Dream of the beach. Your dentist should also try to keep you sidetracked by talking to you, asking you questions (that you can’t answer because your mouth is full of gunk!) and assuring you that it’s “almost over.”

Because it is. An impression doesn’t take as long as you imagine and, like many other dental procedures, your mind is your own worst enemy.

Remember too, that your dentist is on your side. If you feel the need for nitrous oxide, ask!

3. Tooth extraction: Now you see it, now you don’t

If the tooth in question still exists, it will need to be extracted. This can be done at the same as the implant insertion. Your dentist will explain what type of anesthesia he plans to use, but generally speaking, a local injection of lidocaine (what most patients still refer to as novocaine), will assure a pain-free procedure. It doesn’t take long to pull a tooth, but if it is fractured, your dentist will be more cautious to avoid fragmentation. You will feel a little pressure and tugging as your dentist wiggles the tooth out.

For a minimum of 24 hours after the extraction you will be asked not to smoke, drink through a straw, spit excessively or blow your nose. Doing so can cause a dry socket and unnecessary pain.

4. Implant placement: The root of it all

After the tooth is extracted, your dentist will drill a hole in your jaw bone. This will feel not much different than having a cavity drilled. In some cases, your dentist may have to make an incision in your gum to expose the bone, in which case suturing will be necessary.

The dentist will insert the implant deep into your jaw bone. This serves as an artificial root for your new tooth.

Depending on the condition of your jaw bone, a bone graft may be necessary. Usually this can be done with artificial bone materials and is such a minor part of the implant process you won’t even know it’s happening.

Expect to be at this dental appointment for one to two hours. You’ll be fine to drive home and go about your daily routine following the procedure. However, you will most likely be restricted to a soft-food diet for up to a week.

5. Abutment placement: Let’s connect

As your jaw bone heals, it will fuse with the dental implant. This process can take several weeks or even months. There is no way of knowing in advance how long it will take and differs in every patient. Once your dentist has determined your implant is stable enough, an abutment is placed on top of it to serve as a connector to the crown.

The abutment is tightened with a dental torque wrench so that it remains in place during chewing. But, don’t worry, local anesthesia will keep you from feeling anything but a little bit of pressure!

In some instances, the abutment can be placed at the same time as the implant. However, because the abutment extends beyond the gum line it will be visible, so make sure you discuss this option with your dentist beforehand! In other cases, a healing cap or healing abutment is used to keep tissue or bone from growing over the implant as osseointegration (the fusing of the bone and implant) takes place.

6. The crowning touch: Smile

Your permanent crown is attached to the abutment and voila! You’re done!

Does a dental implant hurt?

During the procedure, you shouldn’t feel any pain at all. However, you will feel vibration from the drill, maybe a little pressure and lots of poking around.

After the anesthesia has worn off, you will definitely feel as though something has happened in your mouth. But, most people define it as discomfort rather than pain. You can expect to go about your daily routine after the procedure without a problem.

The truth of the matter is, most dental procedures are painless. It’s the anticipation and fear of the unknown that throw our minds into a spiral. When you are properly informed, have a dentist you trust and know what to expect, dental work really can be a pleasant experience.

But my dentist didn’t tell me…!

Every healthcare practitioner is responsible for educating their patient on exactly what will be done before a procedure and what to expect afterwards. That being said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard just the opposite! I encourage you to do your research beforehand so you can have an educated discussion with your dentist.

5 tips for avoiding surprises

Jot down notes in your phone or in a notebook at the initial consultation.

Ask the office staff if there are any written materials on the implant procedure.

Do your research in advance!

Talk to someone who has had the procedure. Ask your dentist if there’s a patient who would be willing to share their experience with you.

Think of questions in advance and write them down!

6 things you need to know beforehand

Your jaw bone needs to heal! A dental implant is not a one-step process! There is a lot of waiting and watching to the procedure. It’s easy to get frustrated if you’re expecting this to be a one-and-done procedure.

You won’t leave the office with a tooth: While you won’t leave the office with a permanent crown, you don’t have to leave with a hole in your smile either. There are options for a temporary tooth including dental flippers, clear Essix or Snap-on Smile type of retainers or screwed or cemented temporary crowns.

Stock the fridge with soft foods: You may be restricted to a soft-food diet for a week, or longer. It is extremely important to let the implant settle. Even if you promise you’ll only chew on the other side, it is too easy to inadvertently forget and before you know it, you’ve crunched down on your implant. But, really, there are worse things than being told to eat ice cream! (Even though I wouldn’t recommend ice cream, since high sugar intake can actually slow your healing process. I’d recommend green smoothies and soups instead!)

You’ll need to stop at the pharmacy: You will probably be prescribed a dose of antibiotics to prevent infection.

Don’t book anything for the rest of the day: You won’t be given an exact time frame for how long the procedure, start-to-finish, will take. Everyone heals differently and there’s no way of predicting how fast that will happen for you.

No two mouths (or surgeries) are the same: Just because your sister-in-law needed a bone graft doesn’t mean you will!

The great news about implants? They represent one of the biggest advances in dentistry and, according to the American Association of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons, have an overall success rate of about 95%. Though it’s not a one-day procedure and the length of the healing process can be frustrating, there should be no pain involved.

Assuming all goes well, as it usually does, a dental implant will leave you with a very real-looking and functional tooth.

Dr. Mark Burhenne

The post Your First Dental Implant Procedure: What to Expect appeared first on Ask the Dentist.

from Ask the Dentist http://ift.tt/2ld0TW4

#Dentistry #Blog

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artjunkiesonly-blog · 7 years ago

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Project #1: Let’s Get Political

Hey world, DJ $oph here - let’s get political.

2017 was a weird time to be a human. While headlines relating to political gossip pervaded the news cycle by the hour, pressing issues seemed to remain unacknowledged by the mainstream media. A headline which literally read “President Gets 2 Scoops of Ice Cream, Everyone Else 1” was actually aired on CNN. This is not a drill.

Photo found on The Federalist

While listening to a panel of political commentators discuss Donald Trump’s ice cream preferences is so intriguing, maybe some more airtime for actual problems might be warranted? The frustration is real, and was felt by artists such as Kendrick Lamar, Donald Glover, and Joey Bada$$. In 2017, these artists released albums confronting the collective blind eye our country seems to turn towards racial politics. The artists’ experiences as black men in America profoundly inform their respective albums and themes such as social injustice and racial inequality are manifest.

Kendrick Lamar - A Lyrical Genius

“DAMN.,” by Kendrick Lamar, is a politically-charged, fourteen track album with features from U2, Zacari, and Rihanna. The album won this years pulitzer prize for music, a major moment in hip hop history. DAMN. tackles the notion of racial injustice in America, most notably in the song DNA.

Lamar raps through out the entirety of the 3:06 minute track. While he wrote the rap himself, the production was handled by Mike Will Made It. Lamar intended the music to sound like “chaos,” and specifically aimed to make it seem like he was “battling the beat.” The music is centered around the rap itself, in which Lamar takes on multiple perspectives. Through out the verses, he is heard celebrating, critiquing, and exploring his black history and traditions. In the second verse, Lamar spits:

“You muthaf*ckas can’t tell me nothin/I’d rather die than to listen to you/My DNA not for imitation/Your DNA an abomination”

In this pithy verse, Lamar explores topics such as oppression and cultural appropriation. The boisterous, fast-paced track is lyrically lacerating as Lamar does not shy away from his feelings. The push and pull is felt through out the song, as Lamar simultaneously discusses how the world views his blackness vs. how he views his own. In verses such as:

“I know murder, conviction/Burners, boosters, burglars, ballers, dead, redemption/Scholars, fathers dead with kids,” he rattles off. “I wish I was fed forgiveness”

Lamar showcases how his worldview has been informed by these competing perceptions.

Photo found on Kendrick Lamar’s website

The artist also interjected a Fox News segment towards the end of the track, in which Geraldo Rivera is heard saying, “this is why I say that hip-hop has done more damage to young African Americans than racism in recent years.”

In reference to Geraldo Rivera’s statement, in a deeply interesting article titled “Promoting Academic Literacy with Urban Youth through Engaging Hip-Hop Culture,” written by Ernest Morrell and Jeffrey Duncan-Andrade, the scholars explore the relationship between education in urban communities and hip-hop. The article suggests that while the percentage of ethnic minority teachers is declining, the enrollment of ethnic minority students is increasing. As classrooms diversify, teachers must create methods of engagement that transcend racial and cultural differences.

A study conducted at an urban high school in northern California suggested that hip-hop music and culture seemed to connect with all students, regardless of ethnic background. Students who engaged with the music demonstrated the same analytical and critical thinking skills that teachers wanted them to apply to academic texts. Ultimately, teachers realized that hip-hop music and culture could be utilized to “forge a common and critical discourse that was centered upon the lives of the students, yet transcended the racial divide and allowed us to tap into students' lives in ways that promoted academic literacy and critical consciousness.” This comprehensive research indicates that Rivera’s claim is baseless, and hip-hop has evident positive effects on urban youth.

As Rivera makes this ludicrous assertion, Lamar is heard rapping “I’ve got loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA,” over the segment. The contrast between how Lamar is viewed by another white man and how he views himself is striking here. He never allows himself to succumb to victimhood and this song particularly showcases Lamar’s unique ability to dodge bullets and pull triggers at the same time.

Donald Glover - A Force of Culture

Kendrick Lamar is not the only artist shifting culture through his music. Donald Glover, popularly known by his stage name Childish Gambino, is a force of culture himself. As a musician, actor, stand-up comedian, and writer, Glover has used his many platforms to address racial politics in America. In his third album, “Awaken, My Love!,” he lays funk over matter. “Redbone,” the track which won Best Traditional R&B Performance at the 2018 Grammy Awards, resonated with listeners as a soulful beckon to stay mindful of social injustice.

Redbone was released in late November of 2016, shortly after the presidential election, on BBC Radio I. The DJ described it as “oozing with soul,” as the track seemed to both alleviate and revitalize the disheartened youth following the election. And it’s easy to see why. Listening to Donald Glover woo you with honeyed words about social justice, over the buttery falsettos and smooth beat of Redbone, feels like a form of peaceful protest in itself.

Without paying attention to the lyrics, it is easy for one to automatically assume that Redbone is a love song. However, upon closer analysis, it is clear that the slow funk jam is in fact a political statement. While the sound of the music starkly contrasts that of DNA, themes relating to oppression and self-awareness pervade Redbone.

Through out the track, he repeats:

But stay woke (stay woke) Ni**as creepin’ (they be creepin’) They gon’ find you (they gon’ find you) Gon’ catch you sleepin’ (gon’ catch you sleepin’, put your hands up on me) Now stay woke Ni**as creepin’ Now don’t you close your eyes

The notion of “staying woke” refers to staying conscious of the apparatus of white supremacy. This phrase particularly refers to people of color in reference to instances such as police brutality. Essentially, staying woke entails awareness of one’s rights; this track demands that young black people don’t automatically accept official explanations for inexplicable injustices.

In Redbone, Glover touches on this sensitive topic by shouting “stay woke!,” at the hook of the song. He proceeds to acknowledge that as soon as one stops making a conscious effort to protect one’s rights, they will be caught (“gon’ catch you sleepin, now stay woke”).  

Redbone serves as a youthful anthem for political upheaval and while the track seems minimalist in composition, the artist provides enough context for thought-provoking discussion. The groovy bass is evocative of Funkadelic and Bootsy Collins and the pithy verses seem to melt against the synth cords and ambient tones. “You better believe in something,” Glover hums, urging one to decide what exactly that something is.

This photo was found on an article by Erich Donaldson

Joey Bada$$ - A Voice for the People

While Kendrick Lamar and Donald Glover are established advocates for social change in the music industry, Joey Bada$$ is an upcoming artist who showcases his talents in his second studio album “All Amerikkkan Bada$$.” Through out the 49:42 minute album, the artist solely focuses on rapping about social issues and his subjective experience as a black man living in current American society. One of the most powerful tracks on the album is “Y U Don’t Love Me,” in which the artist goes as far as personifying America as his lover.

In his powerful hook, he sings:

Tell me why you don’t love me Why you always judge me? Why you always put so many things above me? Why you lead me to believe that I’m ugly? Why you never trust me? Why you treat me like I don’t matter? Why you always kicking my ladder? Why you never hearing my side to the story? Never look me in my eyes, say sorry?

The verses are potent, underscoring a multitude of oppressive structures that harm people of color across the country.

“Why you always judge me/why you lead me to believe that I’m ugly,” specifically emphasizes the detriments of white-centric beauty standards; the idea that “white features,” such as fair skin and straight hair, are deemed more attractive than darker complexions and curly hair, is a notion that has pervaded the Western media for decades. The deleterious effects of such standards are made alarmingly clear in a study conducted by doctors Kenneth and Mamie Clark in 1940, formally referred to as “The Doll Test.” Children between the ages of three and seven were asked to examine four dolls, identical except for color, to test their racial perceptions. While most children preferred the white dolls and associated them with positive attributes, the results pertaining to the black dolls were deeply disturbing.

In a particularly troubling episode while Dr. Clark was administering experiments in rural Arkansas, he asked an African-American child which doll was most similar to him. According to Dr. Clark, he responded by pointing to the black doll and saying "that's a n***** and I'm a n*****." Dr. Clark described this experience "as disturbing, or more disturbing, than the children in Massachusetts who would refuse to answer the question or who would cry and run out of the room.”

It is essential to challenge the adherence to white-centric representations of beauty in the media, and to create a national narrative that reshapes the conversation behind beauty into one that is inclusive and free of racial basis.

Through out the track, the repetition of the chorus, in which Bada$$ begs for answers to his unrequited love, is almost haunting. As a listener, the neglect he is subjected to is almost palpable. The monotone quality of his voice further puts the listener into a trance and illustrates how the artist is clearly tired of unreciprocated respect. While less boisterous than DNA, the rap still takes center stage in this track. While the beat is loud, it still feels genuinely dispirited rather than outright angry. The repetitive nature of this track underscores the tiresome struggle that Bada$$ is fighting; he feels consistently and systemically ignored.

In the outro, Bada$$ blatantly declares:

Because Amerikkka don’t love me/ Whole country turned on me

To remind the listener that, if it wasn’t already clear, Bada$$ is not talking about an actual lover, but rather his home.

Photo found on FactMag.com

Music! An empowering art form that transcends borders and facilitates understanding! So cool. Thank you for listening in on “Lets Get Political,” and thank you to these artists for allowing us to remember that there is nothing as compelling as music to represent the sweeping changes and creative bent of humanity.

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risewisemind · 7 years ago

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Seeking a smart & compassionate person to TALK ABOUT THE WORST THINGS IN SOCIETY so okay, I’m up for the job. Everything put in motion has been altered since you find out where you plateau & then go from there & this is it.

I plateaued meaning I can’t continue NOT TALKING about what happened as DIRECTLY as possible, many posts an attempt to MODEL how you dampen the trauma, but to me, this trauma has taken up too much of my life already & I don’t care to give it anymore of my time. The catalyst?! THE QUICK RESPONSE after years of delaying in order to argue “this is my attempt to be taken care of” but I’ve already been taken care of in the ways that matter.

I know myself. I hear my voice. I will not back down & from now on, everything goes out into the universe which is this crazy internet. The place that is most scary since you are connected to people who may want to harm you, use you & try to shame you for sick reasons that I now fully understand.

When the universe gives you a sign : 3 fortunes you listen : THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER & so go with it : I didn’t know how to tell this story since the truth HURT MY BODY & HEART but not my brain. It can’t have my brain.

A thought pops up & now the body is already in pain

it’s the adrenaline : you get it & it makes you feel powerful but to me, it just hurts my physical body so I have to do something differently

What is that different thing? Ummm, just talk about the thing I love the most. EDUCATION & how to make it better for the students I REPRESENTED because their treatment was NOT OKAY. WILL NEVER BE OKAY & NEVER WAS TO BEGIN WITH & since I went from above average in health to not being able to sit, stand, walk & breathe & learned how important CONCENTRATION & ATTENTION are in EDUCATION because we live in a sensory pre-frontal experience.

LIFE to me is DOING & what did they do? DECIDED WHO GETS IN & WHOSE LEFT IN THE RUBBISH BIN when others doesn’t get to decide for you...

What I’ve learned about human nature & it’s the darkest matter out there...

KIDS are ignorant & can’t survive on their own. It is up to the adults to model behavior that they expect & all the things you shouldn’t do, like lie, cheat & steal. Adults know kids with disabilities SHOULD NOT BE taught in the hall & the cafeteria & adults know when a child self-harms & is now attacking others there should be a voice that says, “No!” Why was it different that year? There was no reason for students not to have a classroom when the VERY ROOM I REQUESTED was converted into an amazing classroom.

You’re asking me what will I settle for & claim to want to negotiate but I doubt that since you know RAPE is a pretty heartbreaking thing to happen & you can blame the victim. Never even though of myself one of those since I always had amazing support. IT WAS DRILLED IN ME what A VICTIM IS & what I was witnessing was the end of acceptance : NEVER AGAIN. 90-days to do anything & time doesn’t tick by, it soars. Speed of light & it’s over & it’s Spring and nothing has been done & life has stopped for those stuck in these past assaults. What it means to be sexually assaulted : I don’t have a choice anymore but to tell you what it is like so we can have a discussion.

What is hurting us?? (2) lack of desire to do the right thing.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE MAKE REPEATED BAD DECISIONS & USE TACTICS like DEFLECTION & DISTRACTION TO AVOID TRUTH?

I’m sharing it

How is one environment like a mini-society & what can be learned from the lessons there?

They stop with the leader.

Or reader? Why kids have to be taught to read & to love literature & words...

the very first floe : created Darkest Night, 2016

hOW to share the worst? You have to lose your mind a little, then wait THE PROCESS is not HERE for you since THIS IS ENOUGH : daily news is killing me so why would I complicate when INTERNET CREATES pockets, like the ones I hide my hands in because they do “weird” things & I FELT THAT HURT from people who couldn’t understand...the way they talked about people behind their backs!!!! The way the door closed as soon as we entered that HOUSE because something was not right. ACTIVELY HIDING what is supposed to be that presssssure to be perfect & that’s supposed to now mean something else, just like that. Out-of-the blue. Do you think I’m blind? Do you think I’m a moron? Do you think I’m going to believe another word you say until you EXPLAIN what the fuck you are doing because it’s SUSPICIOUS. Hindsight is the truth & the shame goes back to you : THE FUTURE FOR ME IS BECAUSE OF THAT MOMENT /THAT CHOICE/ A SPECIAL VIOLATION?! NOW YOU FUCKING HEAR MY VOICE WHEN I SAID GET OUT of my MOTHER FUCKING HOUSE and isn’t this the same as a SYSTEM fucking up : safety & violence to my body, brain & heart is all that I care about. What’s wrong with this? & when I get through the rest of “it,” now that I’ve name IT : THEIR SHIT

Survivor, I hear you, I’m sitting next to you. You gotta get a little dirty to get clean, those who’ve struggled already know what I mean, a lifestyle that’s the opposite of a dream since I’d rather die than be hurt again. That feeling on my skin . That’s what was put back in me when YOU LIE & why you do everything right . What!? Are you above hindsight!?

This is not an instant sickness with a blurb to describe. It’s those who live without consequence --they’re the ones who have to hide--meanness was already identified & doing it differently, didn’t want to be treated a certain way about money--& now we get to living : that means snuffing out hypocrisy, hate, evil & ignorance. It’s the conversation had constantly about difference.

You must treat them like people, too!! (see how I got out of that zoo)

How you lead, pee-ew!! Everyone is infected & now everyone is just too SICK. Take this pill, called “give a shit & do what you said you will” & I’m the one who has to defend a past crime against me!? And the one who is not chill

LOLOLOLOLOL : never used to do that so that’s a fuck you to you-know-who, techie/non-tech the strength “for good” : gratitude was the answer to change one’s attitude & how many examples did you need? So going back to my life philosophy, you raped it : these selfish, uncaring & diabolical means to fulfill that need

Have fuuuuuuun with that : the point of everything & why those flaky relationships have no meaning so that’s how I know all the ways you tried to get away from your past--really had too lil faith in me--why these ptsd memories belong in this dimension, the ones that are triggering me.

Physical & Emotional “follow the process” : be devotional to your SELF, it’s not about mental health but WHO YOU ARE at the core : why you hate yourself or you’re always able to give a little more...the day-to-day is how “mental health” sways & I got to see how someone takes DIGNITY away

LET’S define THAT word : we NEED IT PLEASE

as someone from my past likes to say, you do it “I can’t tell IT anything, a grOWN...”

My answer : you’ve made it very clear what you mean except for all the conversations about how un-grown-up IT is : these are the talks NO WONDER MY BRAIN HURTS : so get it out in stops & spurts, util it’s all gone : then & only then will I write those songs

done with consciousness : TO COMPARE when I’ve had the right rest

FOCUS

the dreams in me can’t be believed unless we take abuse seriously. I’ve seen this idea of trickle down, it doesn’t work in these smaller worlds, it’s all about them them them, well IT IT IT, showed me a stack of cards that didn’t fit his story so had to make something up, using emotionally that was witnessed one time as the guide : as if others bad behaviors would ever justify...

PAST WRITING

This is my attempt to organize the noise that is ptsd (what sticks & why!?) Like many, I was getting anxious over current events, but unlike others I found it connected to two real-life settings that are triggering me now, this prolonged exposure therapy a useful tool in ptsd recovery after assaults. This a STEP in a PROCESS & a way TO HEAL

Find a way to express the truth | found that way : just doing what I DO

Be truly grateful for what has helped & in this case this modern tool that is mostly magical to me (who knows how it works?) : THE GOLDEN RULE

TY tech : in check, no longer a wreck & don’t have to hide amongst the folds of where I’m catching these triggers & putting them down.

TODAY I KNOW HOW TO ORGANIZE just one bit of all these pieces bubbling up . . .

WRITING TODAY 01/31/2018

DATING is important & does not trigger : able to choose to date or not : date all “first times” & “last times” | Date anything that you don’t question too much

dating this because I am clear NOW & see how unclear, but mostly able to organize, but leaving IT out since not ready yet [if ever]

You must be ORGANIZED so (a) know strengths (b) know weaknesses (c) learn new skills (d) take infinite risks (e) be courageous with little bits of fear (f) give in on the days that are simply too _____ . You don’t have to make sense since the goal is to get through the night

why is the date the trigger : it’s an ANNIVERSARY : we really don’t understand triggering events happen every year when we appreciate & celebrate happy occasions, right?

how can pretend now to know?

this is how you completely blame another person : put self first : dispersed over 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳

When you don’t make sense people think you’re crazy --recent experience with health care specialists have shown me how opinion, expertise & something that is very unique to me, not a thing I FEEL or think about to be honest since I STILL ASSUME people are trying their best & they’re not.

FLOE GOES HERE

ptsd is a physiological thing : I CAN EXPLAIN IT ALL

FLOE GOES HERE

How people are not empathetic & what harm that truly does to the BODY & then the MIND or the BODY & then the MIND. THE BODY is the INDICATOR & thank goodness it exists.

People are also kind of, well, they make their own conclusions & it’s harmful. Let’s get back to real discussions, please!!!

Out & about & stuck with a group of people who do not care a lick : I’m stuck & physically SHOWING (shaking, crying, body way OFF, but talking in a regular tone) & now being told I’m triggering when I am not by an expert. There is truth that after assaults some individuals do not heal & make happy lives, but why is that the automatic assumption? This is the problem : failure to regroup in a real way leading to lots of fakery that tends to skew the original message: get over it. TRYING !!!

Sexual Abuse & Power GO HERE : not the prettiest topic but the one that uncomfortably fits best since we do overlook the effects of crimes of an intimate nature. I’m going to share what it’s like to GO THROUGH to provide a way for others to say, “Hey, read this” and maybe it’ll be easier to discuss things that aren’t that bad compared to the actual act. The narrow minded opinion of those who equally admit to not listening & being confused do the most damage since it allows BEHAVIOR based on feelings that don’t have to be explained. That’s a bit like belief & to just believe without proof of why is a very dangerous place to linger in...it’s like being sucked into an atmosphere your body isn’t used to. I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer, my breath taken away.

The blog is to give VOICE to the feelings of ptsd triggers as they happen or shortly after in a “formal reflection.” I’m demanding more collective interests in SOLVING PTSD & SUICIDES because we are a nation that WANTS TO HELP & HAS THE ABILITY TO in great & small ways. I woke up from a FOG of ptsd in Nov 201_ & followed my gut & it was the right choice since it showed me HOW GROSS PEOPLE CAN BE. They stick together & protect for reasons that needlessly hurt others & if that is how they VIEW VIOLENCE I start to question their worst. If someone does MORE HARM than GOOD...isn’t that a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off in tremendously sad ways?

Find a better way because they showed me it all so thanks Fuckers. F

Do more to END VIOLENCE by identifying the FEW KIDS in each school who are being bullied & environments of indifference that leave them ISOLATED

DO more to INCREASE ACCESS to CARE, the ARTS, EDUCATION (liberal arts, vocational, big brained specialists) to give options of self-expression especially if they’re not being taught basic LITERACY & left in the back of the classrooms to learn nothing & be treated like a PET

Do everything you can to never lose hope : JUSTICE whenever possible

superheroes don’t actually exist so the justice system cannot fail

DO nothing & have nothing to complain about --- kind of obvious - - stop being those people that JUST don’t get it & never will. You are not your image, your income, your car or your “story” because you lie

Be who you are, but don’t try to pretend what you’re not ---like, really

IDENTIFY FAULTY THINKING : snuff out ignorance & indifference whenever it pops up and those who can’t do it, kick em out. They don’t get to wank off to bank accounts & treat people shoddily knowing they can & NO ONE will question.

EDUCATIONAL REVOLUTION for the kids who want to be TAUGHT HOW TO LIVE in a world where, yes, no one will accommodate you, but you also don’t have to have FEAR & a shit image of self because of someone else.

#ptsd #hypocrisy #mental health #self-awareness #recovery #writing #drumpf #support #goal #reflection in bold #happened 3x #self-education #fearlessness #love #ASCD

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