#assassin's creed crack

[sulfies]

Atlas, when the heavens get too heavy, I hope you finally allow yourself to put them down.

Originally uncencored and tbh it isnt sexual at all but idk tumblrs policy on nudity sooo have random bullshit to hide away… If you want the uncencored, Imma make a ao3 work for it I think :p

[ethan-acfan]

I love the idea of Altair's hair starting to get long. Whether he just doesn't have time to cut it or he's trying to grow it out, it gets long. Altair is conventionally pretty as it is, but his slightly grown put hair multiples this by 10. The only problem is that due to a mixture of self-esteem issues and lack of social cues, he doesn't understand/know when someone is trying to flirt with him.

This becomes glaringly apparent when he has to go undercover at a party. His only job is to gather information, but he keeps getting crowded around by girls who keep touching his forearm and shoulders for some reason.

One of them is really forward and offers her bed for the night, and he short-circuits

[teecupangel]

[Desmond Miles has successfully saved a Levantine village during the Third Crusaders after waking up in the past.]

Grateful civilian: Thank you, stranger! You have saved our village from the cruelty of war. May we ask who you are so we may know the name of our savior?

[Desmond Miles believes he cannot say ‘Desmond Miles’ because that might accidentally create a ripple effect in the future.]

[Desmond Miles believes he cannot use any of the names of the ancestors who haven’t been born yet especially the Kenways because of how important they are to his history.]

[Desmond Miles has not yet processed the shock of dying a painful death and waking up in the past and his brain is blanking.]

Desmond: Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.

[The people Desmond Miles have saved now believed their savior’s name is Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.]

[Desmond Miles has committed identity fraud.]

[… and he will continue to commit identity fraud.]

[rozesmiana]

I need everyone to hear me out-

[theguardianwriter]

I don't know if anyone else have this head cannon but, Desmond Miles is touch starved. To me that make sense, living on a farm where you are raised as a soldier and not a family. I don't think William is ever supported or positive to Desmond. I don't think my boy have enough hugs in his life.

I'm SoOoOo adding that in my story I'm writing. Desmond basically living with his ancestors in one roof and for them to see how deprived Desmond is for positive praise and touch.

[auroramoon-draws16]

The lord himself: okay, who changed my handle?

Wine and Die: i’m unsure, but it is accurate 😌

The lord himself: Ezio?

Wine and Die: sì

Wine and Die: 🥰🍷

The lord himself: ofc ofc

Apple Support: I still don’t understand mine.

The Matrix: it’s a technology/poe joke altair

Apple Support: I see.

The lord himself: okay, that’s funny

The lord himself: Sixteen?

The Matrix: yup and it was me

The lord himself: yeah that tracks

The Matrix: has anybody seen connor? i let him borrow my switch and i need it back

The lord himself: Idk

Wine and Die: 🤷🏻

Apple Support: He’s with the pirate near the stage, they’re discussing seafaring abilities with a pointy eared, blonde child.

The Matrix: thnx!!

(The Matrix has gone offline)

The lord himself: oh, speaking of blonde children! The new guys are breaking your pots in the back, Ezio

Wine and Die: MERDA 🏃🏻‍♂️💨

(Wine and Die has gone offline)

Apple Support: As enjoyable as this is, there are some giant, mechanical beings outside the bar, Desmond.

The lord himself: shit, coming!

(The lord himself has gone offline)

(Apple Support has gone offline)

[ladybatart]

Obsessed with them rn

[theshippingpro]

Crack Assassin's Creed idea, it's about Desmond waking up after he dies. He goes around the country for a little bit, doing the whole lost soul thing. When he comes across a bar and makes friends with a guy there after a bar brawl. Des gives the guy a fake name. And the guy is from the local mafia and offers him a job in the mafia.

Des accepts, thinking he'll try it out for a while, and disappear if he doesn't like it.

The longer he stays the more he likes it there. The mafia reminds him of Ezio's Brotherhood. He likes it, and he gets along well with everyone. And the mafia is not just in that town, they are across the world. And set up quite similar to the Brotherhood.

Des is a little suspicious, but no one knows what he is talking about. So, he lets it slide, thinking he is just paranoid from the last couple of years.

Until one day the mafia brings some creates in, a fight breaks out. At the end of the fight, Des breaks the create.

Turns out the create had a chemical in there, makes someone tell the truth for the next 24 hours. One of the mafia people make a joke, and Des accidentally spills he is from the Brotherhood.

The mafia freaks out, because holy shit Fred, you brought one of the modern day assassins here!?!?! And Des freaks out, because wait you know what that is?!?!? What do you mean modern day assassin!?!?

Just about when they are going to 'take care' of Desmond. With everyone there spilt down the middle on what they should do. Des tells them his real name and curse Minerva and Juno about this fucking bullshit and something about his ancestors suffering because of it.

And everyone stops and stares at him. The guy that was about to kill him, looks at Fred and said.

"Well danm Auditore, looks like the famous Desmond does exist. And here I thought if anyone could find him, it would be Ezio or Altair."

WHAT!?!?!?

[meangreennunseen]

Found it for free. Heheh...

[withallthatisleftofmyheart]

Assassin’s Creed: Númenor

No but like, imagine it. Climbing up all the big statues. Jumping across the roof tops. Diving off the throne room’s adjoining waterfall. Assassinating Kemen. Collecting scrolls and items to get tidbits of lore.

[djsherriff-responses]

Discuss

[anli-rambles]

The problem with being a writer with ADHD is that I have 371873827392 unfinished ideas for fanfics about my hyperfixations stuck in my head at any given time and lack the self-control not to start projects I know I'll likely never finish

...so anyway I now have 3 Assassins Creed fanfics in the works rn and yes one of them is about Haytham because of course it is

[ethan-acfan]

Ok, but desmond definitely has scratched up knees he grew up in the woods, no doubt that man has scraped his knees to the bone.

[teecupangel]

‘What if desmond time travels and has to deal with such and such, or turns into an animal, or gets hurt, or-’

What if Desmond time travels and learns how to bake bread!! Huh!!? What about that!! What if he opens a super successful bakery, and solves all the worlds problems with the best fresh baked bread every!!

(This is /j but like. 👏🏻 anons let Desmond have peace challenge👏🏻 (but also don’t cause I love reading all of them I’m just like ‘how did you even come up with this? Sometimes lmao))

Anyway, since we already have a Desmond is a baker in Renaissance Italy idea, here’s Desmond is a baker during the Third Crusades instead:

So in this setup, Desmond would say fuck it and just open a bakery in Acre.

Jerusalem was too much of a hotspot at the moment and Acre had ports which meant there would be new customers that Desmond could lure in with the smell of freshly baked bread. 

And it worked.

Maybe a bit too well because…

Kadar visited while he was out looking for information for his brother’s current target. 

They both stared at one another for a moment and then Desmond just did his usual ‘Welcome! Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to hear today’s recommendations?’ spiel while Kadar just stares at him.

When Kadar went “Altaïr?”, Desmond just gave him his best bartender ‘I’m being respectful but also distant so you’ll still tip me’ smile as he goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have a bread called ‘Altaïr’.”

Then he showed Kadar the star-shaped pull apart sweet bread he’s just perfected and go “But maybe I can interest you in this pull apart start bread? It’s sweet and fluffy and freshly baked.”

And sweet poor Kadar leaves the bakery with a basket of breads instead because Desmond was good at using both Ezio’s charms and his bartending social skills to get customers to buy more than they should.

Hey.

A man needed to profit to keep the roof over his head while trying to experiment for the upcoming debut of his sugar-free pastries.

The next day, Malik entered the bakery but Desmond was ready.

Desmond had planned for this!

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted, giving Malik his sweetest smile that he knew would completely unnerve Malik.

Desmond weaponized the similarity between him and Altaïr to unnerve Malik to the point that he cannot focus on observing Desmond, distracted by such a sweet smile that looked so disturbing in his eyes because he’s imagining Altaïr doing such an expression and it was horror beyond Malik’s wildest imagination. 

Okay.

Desmond was exaggerating but that got Malik to not ask too many invasive questions and leave the bakery after purchasing two baskets worth of bread so Desmond was going to consider that a mission successful.

And then…

His greatest adversary entered his little quaint bakery.

And Desmond was ready for him.

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted happily, “Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to see today’s recommendations?”

Altaïr simply stared at him.

But that didn’t matter.

Desmond held all the cards.

Because he knew one of Altaïr’s greatest weakness…

Altaïr secretly loved sweets.

“Today’s a special day!” Desmond clapped his hands in practiced joy that wasn’t over the top, “Today’s the debut of our dessert line! Here.”

Desmond took out a tray of sweet deserts, glistening in either honey or fruit jams. 

“Would you like a taste?” Desmond asked with the sweetness of the snake that tempted Eve to take a bite.

And Altaïr…

Altaïr left the bakery with a basket filled with desserts and pastries, quietly sinking into the shadows before anyone could see him and ask for one of the forbidden sweets he had acquired.

[empressofthesunwriter]

Nothing is True

… Everything is permitted.

What is real?

What is not?

Is she just turning crazy or are other powers at work?

One thing is clear Kohana will get to the bottom of this and maybe change the whole Ninja-World at the same time.

S.I. Third Shinobi World War 

!!!!PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

The song we “hear” in this chapter is from Alt J called Something Good from the masterpiece of a game Life is Strange!

I recommend listening to it while reading the chapter.

Happy reading!

Chapter 9: Everything changes 

It was early morning.

A fresh breeze was entering Kohana's room from her half-open window.

The nine-year-old girl lies half awake-half asleep on the cover of her bed.

She heard from somewhere in the house a radio playing.

Probably Kizashi who listens to his music.

The song was good she had to admit.

Its melody was catchy.

Kohana hummed along to the tune, feeling a sense of comfort in the music.

“Something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good tonight

Will make me forget about you for now”

She slowly sat up and stretched her arms, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face.

As she looked out the window, she noticed a group of birds flying in formation. Mesmerized by their synchronized movements, Kohana wondered if they were communicating with each other.

The birds continued to fly in formation, their wings flapping in unison. The girl watched them until they disappeared from her sight.

“Get high

Hit the floor before you go

Matador

Estocada, you're my blood sport”

Deciding it was time to get out of bed she walked over to her window. Her simple pink nightgown swayed in the light breeze.

“But something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good tonight

Will make me forget about you for now”

She leaned out the window and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air.

“48 thousand seats

Bleats and roars for my memories of you

Now that I'm fully clean

The matador is no more and is dragged from view”

The sun was now fully risen, casting a warm glow over everything it touched.

Kohana felt grateful for this moment of peace and tranquillity before the hustle and bustle of the day began.

She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds around her: the lyrics of the song, the chirping of birds, the rustling of leaves in the wind, and in the distant talking of people.

“Get high

Hit the floor before you go

Matador

Estocada, you're my blood sport”

The moment felt like it could last forever, but Kohana knew that it wouldn't. She reluctantly let go of the window sill and turned to face her room.

“48 thousand seats

Bleats and roars for my memories of you

Now that I am clean

The matador is no more and is dragged from view”

The song ended as she looked at the mess of her room.

“But something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good

Oh, something good tonight

Will make me forget about you for now”

Her new room.

It was still hard to grape that the Harunos had been moved to this little clan compound.

And that all because Kohana had awoken a Kekkai Genkai.

A few weeks ago as Minato-Sensei and the rest of her team had discovered her Eagle Vision, Kohana didn’t know what do to. Every ninja knows that if you awoke a new Kekkai Genkai you had to tell the Hokage.

Something she had missed on purpose. She didn’t want the world to know that Eagle-Vision had returned. The first and last one in her family who had this gift was her ancestor Haruno Sakuya.

A mysterious Miko, who was actually an assassin named Carina Auditore from a different world.

She still grappled long with all this and yes, she wanted to keep it as long as a secret as she could, till she could make more sense of it.

In the end, after she had been caught in the act of using it, she admitted to Minato-Sensei that she had awakened the Kekkai Genkai of her family.

Minato-Sensei had been understanding, but he had insisted that they inform the Hokage. Kohana had been nervous about it, but when she met with the Hokage, she found that he was also understanding.

Actually, he was more prepared than her.

Hokage-Sama had known Sakuya since she had been a close friend of his senseis the first and the second Hokage.

He had seen Eagle Vision in action when he was a young boy.

Also, Sakuya had prepared something for her family if one of them would someday wake Eagle Vision.

The diary and Hidden Blade that Kohana had already found were only a part. Sakuya had arranged that her family would be given clan status and a clan compound when a descendant would awake her Kekkai Genkai.

That her parents and her brother had been shocked was the understatement of the century.

From a normal ninja family to being raised to a clan was...mindblowing. Even Kohana herself was still reeling.

She had thought that it would cause problems if someone found out she had Eagle-Vision and in the end her ancestor had them all set already.

So they had lived at the Haruno Clan Compound for a few weeks now.

It was probably the smallest one in all of Konohagakure. It had one main house, where Kohana, her parents and brother lived, and two other houses. The rest was still forest, but when the clan would get bigger one day, they would be cut and new houses be built.

Their symbol was the Assassin Brotherhood one in the middle a little cherry blossom.

Kohana would lie if she said it was not weird to wear a clan symbol on all her clothes.

The white circle her family had used before was a family crest, nothing special, however, a clan symbol was something else.

The thought of her family now being a clan still felt surreal to Kohana. She couldn't help but wonder what the future held for them.

Would they become a large and powerful clan, or would they remain small and unknown? Either way, she was grateful for the new opportunities that had been presented to them.

But at the same time, she knew that with this newfound status came great responsibility. They would have to work hard to maintain their reputation as a strong and honourable clan. Kohana vowed to do her part in upholding their legacy and making her ancestors proud.

As she made her way out of her room and towards the kitchen, Kohana couldn't help but hum along to the tune of the song that had been playing earlier.

It was a reminder that even in times of uncertainty and change, there was always something good to hold onto.

***

“Chuunin-Exams?!”, shouted Obito surprised.

Team 7 was done with their mission for the day, guarding the borders of Konohagakure, and had gone to their training field to enjoy lunch together.

Even Kushina was with them.

Since the first time she trained with them, the Uzumaki had started to join them more often for training.

Especially with Kohana. She had actually a mentor-ship with Kushina.

The Eagle Vision made her understand Fuin Jutsu in an outstanding way that Kushina and Minato-Sensei had started teaching her in it.

The green-haired girl felt honoured that Kushina shared her Uzumaki Clan Fuin Jutstu with her. It was the highest honour one could give another, sharing with them their clan jutsus.

Also, she really likes Kushina.

She was like a fun older sister.

When they were alone Kohana called her Kushina-Nee.

“Chuunin-Exams.”, repeated Minato-Sensei with a smile at his flabbergasted Genin, well all beside Kakashi. The Hatake seemed calm. “In the last months, all four of you have made incredible progress. In my eyes, you are more than ready to take on the next Chuunin Exams in Konoha.”

“You are gonna wipe the floor with the others, Dattebane!”, encouraged Kushina with a fist bump.

Rin made a little bow.

“Thank you for having such fate in us, Minato-Sensei.”

“Yeah, thanks!”, chorused Obito and Kohana, bowing too.

“So I can assume you all want to join up.”

Of course, the four Genin wanted to.

Kohana felt excitement bubble up in her. If she managed to pass the Chuunin Exam the first time she would be the first in her family to, do it on the first try and second, being so young.

That would make a great start for the legacy of the Haruno Clan.

The team was thrilled at the prospect of participating in the Chuunin Exams. They knew that it would be a tough challenge, but they were ready for it. Kohana felt a sense of determination wash over her as she thought about what lay ahead. She knew that she had to work hard and stay focused if she wanted to succeed.

As they finished their lunch and headed back to the village, Minato-Sensei reminded them of the importance of teamwork and trust in each other. He stressed that they needed to rely on one another in order to make it through the exams.

The Chuunin Exams would be a test not only of their skills as a ninja but also of their character and resolve. Kohana was determined to prove herself worthy of being a Haruno Clan member and make her ancestors proud.

***

Her Eagle Vision burned in her eyes, her Hidden Blade was sharp and ready, her sense awake and alert.

Whatever her brother Kizashi would throw at her, she would overcome it.

Kizashi grinned at Kohana.

“Are you sure you want to fight me, Imoto-Chan? I’m 19, you are 9 years old. There is a gap between us.”

“And I will surpass it!”

With that, both siblings run up to each other trading punches.

Kohana dodged Kizashi's first punch and countered with a swift kick to his side. Kizashi stumbled back, but quickly regained his footing and lunged forward with a series of jabs.

She blocked each one with ease, her training in the assassination technique of Sakuya had made her faster and more flexible. As Kizashi went in for another attack, Kohana saw an opening and used her Hidden Blade to disarm him.

Her brother looked surprised but impressed as he retrieved his weapon from the ground and resumed their sparring match.

The two siblings continued to trade blows, each pushing themselves to their limits in order to become stronger and better ninjas.

Kohana felt grateful for this opportunity to train with her brother, knowing that it would only make her more prepared for the upcoming Chuunin Exams.

As their training session came to an end, both siblings were exhausted but satisfied with their progress. Kohana knew that she still had a long way to go before she could truly surpass her brother, however, she was determined to keep working hard until she did so.

***

“I’m so happy we found time for a sleepover.”, signed Rin happy, while Kohana was sitting behind her, combing her brown hair.

Both girls were on Kohana’s bed, in their sleepwear, enjoying time only real best friends could do during a sleepover.

“Me too Rin-Chan.”, agreed Kohana. “It seems like we are only, training, training and training these past weeks for the Chuunin Exams. It’s like we forgot being just girls too and not only ninjas.”

Rin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's nice to just relax and have fun sometimes. We should do this more often."

Kohana smiled and continued to comb Rin's hair. She enjoyed these quiet moments with her friends, where they could just be themselves without any pressure or expectations.

As they chatted about their favourite things and shared stories from their childhood, Kohana felt a sense of warmth and contentment wash over her. She knew that no matter what happened in the future, she would always have Rin by her side.

“Sooo, how it’s going with Obito?”, asked Rin a while later as they ate ice cream.

Rin had strawberry and Kohana chocolate, both with a massive amount of cream and sprinkles on it.

As an answer, Kohana just took a massive spoonful in her mouth.

The brunette winced.

“That bad, mmh?”

“Rin, he is obsessed with you!”, shouted Kohana, raising her arms up. “Like I try to flirt or do something sweet for him and his mind goes to you and how he should do it to YOU! I think he thinks I’m trying to help him to get you, aargh!”

Rin laughed, "Oh, Kohana. You know Obito is just clueless when it comes to these things. He probably doesn't even realize that you're interested in him."

Kohana rolled her eyes, "I know, but it's frustrating. I don't want to come off as desperate or anything."

"Don't worry about it too much.” " the Nohara patted her friend's hand reassuringly. “Just be yourself and if he's meant to notice you, he will."

Kohana smiled at Rin's words of wisdom.

She knew that her friend was right and that she shouldn't stress out too much about Obito. She decided to just enjoy their sleepover and not think about ninja stuff for a while.

After all, they were still just girls who wanted to have fun.

So in that case.

“You and Kakashi seem to get a bit more chummy, or did I hear wrong how you both talked about a book you both read.”, wiggled Kohana her eyebrows and her blushing friend.

“I think it’s too far to say that Kakashi-Kun likes me this way.”, mubles Rin. “But I have a feeling we are forming a good friendship with each other and this makes me really happy.”

Kohana smiled at Rin's response. She was happy for her friend and glad that she was forming a good friendship with Kakashi.

The two of them seemed to have a lot in common, especially when it came to their love of reading.

"I'm glad you have someone else besides me to talk about books with."

Rin nodded, "Yeah, it's nice to have someone who shares my interests."

The two girls continued their conversation, talking about everything and anything that came to mind.

They laughed and joked around, enjoying each other's company.

As the night wore on, they eventually drifted off to sleep with smiles on their faces.

The green-haired girl felt grateful for this moment of peace and happiness, knowing that she would need these memories to hold onto during the tough times ahead.

But for now, she was content just being a girl having fun with her best friend.

!!!!PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

This a short chapter, but we will dive into the Chuunin Exams in the next ones, I can’t wait to write for them :D

Also, not Naruto-related, but have you played Life is Strange?

If so, did you sacrifice Chloe or sacrificed Arcadia Bay?

I’m course if you have done the same as me and why you choose this. ^^

Until next time! 

[theguardianwriter]

A self indulgement I wanted to share, in my assassin Creed story call What a life

I have a tiny creature companion for Frisk name Cabur, who vibes in the stories. So the premise of this is who is the best bed to sleep on, let start with the Frye twin

Jacob Frye: not a good bed because he snores to much - 0 out of 10

Evie Frye: Is an okay bed but the only downside is that she hugs Cabur in her sleep - 4 out of 10

Aya: a nice bed, only downside for Cabur is her chest, being a woman, Cabur can't really sleep on her chest that well - 6 out of 10

Bayek: Great bed, decently warm, his is broad enough for Cabur to be sprawl out - 9 out of 10

Desmond Miles: He alright but he mostly sleeps on his side, leaving no room for Cabur to sleep on - 5 out of 10

Basim: Same with him, an okay bed but he sleeps on his side as well - 6 out of 10

Edward Kennedy: Terrible, snores loudly and sleep in awkward angles - 0 out of 10

Arno Dorian: He doesn't snore, he talk on his sleep. Talking about some woman Cabur doesn't know or care about - 4 out of 10

Ezio Auditore: He is alright when he his not moving in his sleep - 7 out of 10

Altaïr inn la'ahad: Almost the perfect bed, very still and and quiet. Just his body temperature is not the right type of heat - 8 out of 10

Ratonhnhaké:ton: perfect, absolutely perfect, nice broad chest for Cabur to sleep sprawl and loft mode. Perfect heat, He never move unacceptably and he one of Cabur favorite humans to sit on - 10 out of 10

Frisk Dreemurr: It Frisk, Cabur can sleep anywhere on him. By his feet, on his thighs when he sits anywhere, tuck between his arms, loft mode on his chest and curl around his neck like a scarf - 10 out of 10