Realization🔪
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Warnings: None
It's Saturday, and this would be the day where I sleep in. But even though it's a Saturday, that wasn't going to happen today.
My alarm is off, but my phone keeps vibrating. In a groggy state of mind, I harshly grab my phone and take a look at who is calling me.
It's Aso.
Why is he calling so early in the morning?
I answer his call and put the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"So you are awake!"
"Yeah. What happened?"
"What do you mean? Nothing happened."
"I'm asking why you're calling me so early?"
"Oh! I'm calling because we should hang out!"
Suddenly, my conversation from yesterday with Aso comes back to me. I remember that I told him that I would tell him how I'm feeling.
"Hello?" Aso's voice comes through, wondering why I suddenly went silent.
"Yeah... Let's hang out."
"Sweet! I'll come to you, so send me your location!"
He hangs up, and I'm left with my thoughts.
What am I going to do?
Am I really going to tell Aso how I feel about (Y/N)?
Well, I have no other choice.
I send Aso my location, and he responds with a thumbs up. I should start to get ready.
I get up from my bed and go over to my closet. I grab my green long-sleeve shirt, denim jeans, black socks, and my black sneakers.
When I finish tying my shoes, I hear a knock at the door. I get up and walk downstairs and answer the door.
"Hey, Ayato!" Aso happily greets me and goes in for a hug. His sudden action catches me off guard, but I accept his hug anyway.
The hug only lasts a few seconds before he breaks the hug.
"Okay, so I know how sad you were yesterday, so I decided to plan something to make you feel better!" Aso reveals to me.
"What are we going to do?"
"Okay, so first we are going to rent out some bikes!" Aso tells me the first part of his plan.
I frown at his plan, I'm not currently in the mood to bike around town.
Aso notices my frown, "C'mon, Ayato! It's gonna be fun, trust me!"
I can't help but give in, "Fine. Keep going."
"Okay, so we'll bike around town, right? Then we'll go to the local indoor swimming pool. My uncle owns it, and he hired this guy to paint a mural or something. I think it would be fun if we joined! Then we'll stop by the town and go to the beach so we can swim together!"
It sounds like a lot, but I decide to agree to it. I need to take my mind off of how I'm feeling, and maybe this small trip can make me sort out my feelings.
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When we finally have our bikes for the day, we start to bike around the town.
The town doesn't have anything interesting in it, it's just the same as always.
We then bike by the beach, and it looks a lot more lively than it did a few days ago. Which makes sense since it's daytime, and the weather is warmer.
"I can't wait to come by here at the end of the day!" Aso tells me as we bike past the busy beach.
I only give him a nod, which I think he fails to see since he is so occupied looking at the beach. I'm sure he is imagining the cool waves hitting his body and the feeling of the sand against his skin.
We keep on biking, and then we make it to a park. I can vaguely remember this park when I was younger, but the memories I can remember aren't too great. I remember sitting by myself as I watched other kids play. My dad would usher me to join them, and I would try my best to do so, but they would bully me until I left. I would eventually walk away, and we would go back to square one.
But in the back of my mind, I can recall one good memory. It's with (Y/N). I remember that we were on the swings, and he was pushing me. This was around the time when we first started being friends, and he didn't fully understand why I didn't show any emotions.
While he was pushing me, a group of kids from school came by. The memory itself feels foggy, but I can still clearly remember what they said to us.
"(Y/N), are you seriously with that freak?" A girl asked from the group.
"Hey! Don't call him that!" (Y/N) responded with anger.
"Ditch him and come play with us! That Aishi kid is just a weirdo!" Another kid commented.
"Yeah! He doesn't even smile or cry! He doesn't feel anything at all!" One more kid jumped in.
"Well, I don't care about that! Ayato is nice to me, and I want to be his friend! Just leave us alone," (Y/N) told them. I remember they walked away from us after that.
I don't know what to feel right now after remembering that memory. A part of me wants to become further attached to (Y/N), but at the same time, I don't want to.
My heart aches but also beats faster at the same time. He didn't know he could bring out two emotions in me at the same time.
I grip the handles of the bike harder than before, and I keep pedaling with more force. I want to leave the park as fast as possible.
The rest of the journey is nice and peaceful, and we eventually make it to the indoor swimming pool. At the front, Aso and I spot a man setting up to paint the wall. Another man is helping out as well.
Aso quickly gets off his bike and runs over to one of the men. He almost makes the guy fall down as he tackles him into a hug.
They greet each other, and Aso explains to him that he is here to help paint the wall. The man looks delighted and pats Aso on the back.
Aso goes over to me and grabs me by my wrist. I hobble off of the bike, and it lands on the ground with a thud.
"Uncle! This is my friend Ayato! We met in my club, and he decided to come and help out too!" Aso gives a quick introduction about me.
"Hi, there! It's nice to know that my nephew has some great friends to accompany him!" His uncle puts his hand out for me to shake it.
I return the gesture back, and he grips my hand. I'm taken off guard by his strength, but I try my best to ignore it.
"Alright, let's get to painting!" Aso exclames as he walks over to the various paint buckets and picks up a brush. I go over towards him and do the same.
We are instructed on what to do, and then we start painting.
I'm not the best painter, and it shows as I continue to paint. I look over to Aso, and his painting isn't too good either, I would even argue that his is worse than mine.
Aso catches me looking and smiles at me. "It doesn't have to be a masterpiece, Ayato! The point of this is to make whatever you want," he turns his head and looks at all the other children that have joined.
The children are painting messy stick figures, leaving different color handprints, and drawing all sorts of animals.
"Just have fun with it, alright? I brought you here to cheer you up!" Aso tells me before going back to painting.
He's right. The whole point of this is to have fun.
I continue to paint, but I'm just drawing things that can be considered 'safe'. Rainbows, cats and dogs, stick figures, and so on. But then I get an idea. I want to do it, but it'll remind me of him again.
I decide to paint it.
I end up painting (Y/N)'s favorite stuffed animal. I try to remember every detail of it. To the colors, pose, and features of the stuffed animal.
I was so absorbed in my painting that I didn't notice Aso looking over me and watching me paint.
"That's looking good!" He compliments my work, and I turn around to look at him.
"Thanks."
"It's kind of cute. What inspired you to make it?"
"It's just something that I remembered when I was younger."
"Alright, cool, cool. But you need to finish up soon."
I look around, and I notice that most of the kids have left already, and the sun is starting to set.
I decide to hurry up and finish the last few details on the painting. With one final stroke, I finish the painting. I step away from the wall, and I look at everything.
The wall is filled with different drawings and an array of colors. It's not the prettiest thing ever, but it does have a lot of personality.
"Do you like how it turned out?" Aso asks me and stands next to me, "I don't like being super sappy, but it kind of reminds me of childhood. But I guess that's a given since a bunch of the artists are children."
Aso then gives me a pat on the back, "Alright, now how about we head to the beach! I'm ready to take a swim with you!"
I can then hear Aso walk away from me and over to our bikes. I can hear him pick it off from the ground. I look over to him and follow him.
We then get on our bikes and go back the way we came.
The trip back into town feels shorter, but that could be because Aso was pedaling faster than before, and I had to keep up with him.
By the time we make it to the beach, the sky is now dark. Everyone who I saw earlier on the beach are now gone, and it's just Aso and me once more.
Aso bikes as close as he can to the beach, but once the sand takes over the ground, he gets off his bike and starts taking off his clothes.
That's when I remember that I don't have a swimsuit.
I see Aso rush towards the cold water now in his yellow swim trunks. When he goes into the water, a big splash is made. He takes his arm from under the water and waves over to me.
"Ayato, get in! It's cold, but it feels super nice!" Aso happily exclames as he swims further into the ocean.
I get off my back and step into the sand. Before I walk further, I take off my shoes and place them next to my bike.
I walk closer to the water, and with each step, I can feel the sand get in-between my toes. The feeling feels familiar yet foreign. Sure, I was here last week, but I was only an observer to Aso's actions, I wasn't a part of it.
I see that Aso stops swimming and looks over to me. He happily waves his hands around, ushering me to join him.
"I don't have my swimming trunks on me," I tell him softly, hoping I don't have to talk louder.
"Just go in like that!" Aso tells me. I look down at my clothes, which would in no way be good for swimming.
"C'mon, Ayato! It's only for one day! Have some fun!"
Aso is right. It's only for one night.
I start to take off my green long-sleeve and my black socks. I'm only now left in my pants. I slowly start to step into the water, and my muscles jolt at how cold it is.
I walk further into the cold water, now feeling accustomed to the new feeling. I fully ease myself into it, and I start to swim just like how Aso taught me.
I start to swim towards him, and he happily splashes around once he sees me swimming over towards him.
"See! It's not so bad, is it?" Aso asks me as he swims over to me.
"I guess it really isn't."
For the next hour, we swim and splash around in the water.
I have never experienced this type of fun before. Not with (Y/N), Taro, or my family. I never thought I would ever feel this with Aso of all people.
After some time, Aso and I get tired, and we get out of the water. When Aso's feet first meet the sand, he collapses on top of the sand. He then has to crawl further up in order to get out of the way of the waves.
I sit myself right next to Aso, as we look out towards the water.
Aso is sitting with his legs extended outwards, while I sit with my legs under my chin and my arms wrapped around them.
"So... are you going to tell me about how you're feeling?" Aso breaks the calm silence with his question.
I don't want to call the question a sudden one. For the whole day, I felt this question weighing on us as we traveled around. He wanted to ask the question, but he didn't know when or how to do it. Well, not until now, that is.
"My feelings?" I question further, wondering if he is talking about what I'm thinking.
"Yeah, you're feelings, you know? The ones about (Y/N). Remember?" Aso adds on.
"Oh, that."
"Yeah, that," Aso says before laying down on the sand and placing his arms behind his head, "So what about it?"
I revert my eyes and look off to the side, "I don't know."
"C'mon, you gotta know something! Even if it's not fully sorted out, you gotta know something about how you're feeling!"
I pause for a few seconds before answering him. Aso doesn't seem to mind the short silence, but I start to think about (Y/N).
How does he make me feel?
When I look at him, I feel hurt but also love. I want to ask myself why, but I already know why.
My heart aches when I look at him because I know that I hurt him. A part of his body is now hurt because of me. His mind has been haunted by my presence ever since the day that I attacked him. I betrayed all the trust he gave me in under an hour, and I don't think I'll have the same friendship I once had with him.
And it hits me.
Things are never going to be the same, are they? If we do talk again, it won't be with the same playfulness as it once had. His guard will be up because he won't be able to trust me.
My heart aches further at the thought of it.
But also, when I think of him, my heart beats faster, and I start to feel nervous and dizzy. The same way I felt towards Taeko.
I'm addicted to this feeling, and (Y/N) is able to make it happen. I want him by my side, and he needs to be by my side. He can't be with the Yamada siblings anymore. He needs to be with me and only me, just like how it was when we were children.
I guess I do know how he makes me feel.
"I think I love him so much that it hurts."
Aso quickly turns his head over to me, "You're in love with him?"
I nod my head.
"I never knew you would have feelings like that towards him," Aso further comments, "But I think you should at least try to confess to him or get closer to him or something!"
Aso is right. I need to get (Y/N) back, especially from those two Yamada siblings who have taken up all of his attention away from me.
I now know what I need to do.
"You're right. I'll try doing that starting Monday."
"See, now aren't I a helpful friend?" Aso praises his own advice.
I guess I was wrong about Aso. He is a helpful person to have around.
But I need to focus less on Aso and more on (Y/N).
My sweet, (Y/N). I can't wait to have you right by my side once again.
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