#asking if it’s about work/ if he wants to vent when we all know boss is too prideful to admit she’s part of the problem

[jessamine-rose]

Aaaahhhh Navina!! Thank you so much for the continuation. I loved everything about it <3

Ngl reading it makes me want to extend Boss’s misery and delay their happy ending HAHAHA. Ironically, a “loveless” marriage is the closest thing to an expression of love from Darling….for now. Perhaps someday, she’ll give Boss some peace of mind but not today ψ(｀∇´)ψ

So I ended up fast forwarding a bit and writing this drabble for Boss x Friend! Darling……ahahaha I hope you all enjoy this scenario >:’3

Note:: All Boss x Friend! Darling stories take place in the AU where Boss wins in One Last Call

-

There is no romantic proposal.

But that is fine for a “marriage of convenience.”Rather than an emotional proposal in a special place, the two of them are just signing legal documents in Darling’s home.

Aside from the marriage contract, there are many things to discuss—ring designs, living arrangements, cover story for their coworkers, whether or not they’ll have a wedding. The whole time, Darling acts serious and meticulous; it’s a side of her that Boss doesn’t see often.

Then again, he expects nothing less from a senior manager of Celestia Inc.

If things went his way, this marriage would be “real.” Alas, Darling still refuses to give her heart to him, hence why Boss is yielding to her terms. It doesn’t mean that he has given up, though.

Now that they’re married, he will have more opportunities to win her over emotionally. And thanks to this agreement, no one else will pursue Darling or judge them for their previously single status.

“And that’s it.” Darling signs the prenup and looks up to face him. “Here’s to our shared future. Let’s hope you don’t do anything to make me regret this decision.”

“I could say the same,” he shoots back. “I can only imagine the many ways you will test my patience moving forward.”

Not that he dislikes it. By now, the both of them know that Darling has him wrapped about her finger. It’s funny, really—in his desire to control her, he is controlled by his desire for her.

“If you are going to blame anyone later on,” he continues, “it should be yourself for forcing my hand to begin with.”

“Now, now.” At that, Darling’s lips curve into a familiar smile. Her next words sound better than any yes or I do. “Don’t be so mean to your wife~”

Now all that’s left to own is her heart.

-

And they lived happily ever after—jk it will still take months/ years for Boss to make Darling say “I love you” to him. At least he gets a partial victory in another universe xD

I still have more ideas for what happens in Boss x Friend! Darling’s relationship before they reach this point, and aahhhh I can’t wait to make Boss even more of an asshole + boyfailure <3

I hope you don't mind that I did a small continuation to fuel the thoughts of making him a boyfailure btw LMAOOOO

It should've been a loveless marriage.

It should have. That should've been what was expected from the two of them.

And yet, as he found himself one night, years past their first day in being 'married', he found himself unable to put focus on such a thing. To remember that, in a way, this isn't what he could bargain for in the long run.

It was a night like no other. A peaceful, idyllic one, if not for her back turned to him. And his turned back to her as well, for the sake of personal space.

Husband and wife, turning themselves against each other. Such a record, he found himself thinking, but he couldn't bring himself to say yet another word.

Boss— no, Alexander— often had troubles in his mind. Even as the Boss of one of the partner companies of Celestia Inc., the one that focuses on MixMatch as a whole and running his own shady business below, he still found himself thinking through the night.

It left him to stay up, unable to get a wink of rest. And he despised the thought.

Normally, he would find himself able to relax and sleep after 4 hours. He was an insomniac, but nothing that couldn't be solved if he idled long enough with nothing in his mind. Although, as he found out, this was not what he had hoped to occur.

Not with her.

After a while of idling and praying to Gods above to help him sleep to no avail, he turned his body to face her back. He could hear her breathing, even when they're not too close to do such a thing, and his hand quietly reached over to grab hers.

He isn't fond of vulnerability. He's never fond of thinking he should be... Open to someone without thinking they'd stab you on the back.

He hates it. Loathes it to the very core of his being. He couldn't fathom of how people can trust those that could bring them harm, that could simply ruin them if they so much as tried to put their trust and get in fights with them.

But as he held her hand, he felt his shoulders relax. He felt his body lose its tension.

... He's such a fool, he thinks. Just how badly must he crave for someone who'd never love him, when he, himself, can never bring the same commitment?

Maybe it was a curse. A poison he willingly drank, foolishly thinking that no one would catch his eye.

He knew his days were numbered, but in such a night like this, he found himself thinking that it wouldn't be so bad.

He's grown softer. Cordial. Over the years he spent with her, his walls weathered down and became nothing but mere wooden remains. He even found himself thinking that he could simply be laid to rest, and he'd be happy, so as long she remains by his side.

But he will never say that to her.

His pride, his ego, his mind will never let him.

He can cry in anguish all he wants, and truly, he could— but he knew that the day they were together, it will always remain this way.

It was unrequited from the beginning. Maybe he's deluded himself so much into thinking he's had a chance, but he isn't stupid.

So, for now, he will cherish the littlest things he gets from her. He'll cherish the only thing she's allowed him to get.

Her heart will be a grandeur treasure he'd take and never return, but he's content in the time they spent together. In a bit of an irony, he found himself thinking that their time was worth more than just an organ.

After all, what use is a heart if it stopped beating?

Will there be use of an organ when the memories will be the thing left beating?

He didn't knew. No one else knew.

And for once, that left him in a stupor.

Perhaps he can think about this some other time.

Not when he has her in his hand, just like tonight.

[sectumsempraaa]

Being coworkers w/ the Slytherin boys (headcanons)

feat. Draco, Mattheo, Theo, Blaise, Lorenzo

this one’s for the working folks bc you KNOW these guys would make work so much more fun!! :)

Draco:

- extremely punctual

- judges you for how you write emails

- picks you up in his car before your shift every day

- has a kettle plugged in AT his desk for maximum tea drinking

- will often leave you a cup on your desk too without you asking for it

- writes 95% of paperwork by hand

- kisses ass to your boss but vents to you later about how much he hates them

- overdresses even on casual fridays

- takes his lunch break with you every day and has your meals delivered (doesnt even ask what you want, he’s just good at this)

- gets turned on when you sit on his desk and look down at him

Mattheo:

- consistently 5-10 minutes late but everyone’s just kinda used to it

- takes mass transportation bc he keeps failing his drivers test

- stops to get you both coffee before work (thats why he’s late!!)

- will respond to emails you’re too scared to answer

- similarly will pick up the phone when you don’t want to

- office pranks galore with this guy

- calls you from his desk (it’s next to yours) to ask you to meet him somewhere so y’all can makeout

- also calls you when he sees someone he KNOWS you hate trying to talk to you at your desk to get you out of it

- post-shift treat several times a week

- most likely to pleasure you from under your desk 🤭

Theo:

- gets distracted easily and falls behind on work

- is so quiet no one really even knows he’s there

- bribes the office manager into making you his secret santa

- has a private email thread between the two of you that goes on and on all day with complete nonsense and memes

- visits your cubicle and sits there for like an hour at a time

- holds your hand under the table during meetings

- “ugh can we go home now” “theo we haven’t even clocked in yet”

- hacks the system to change the schedule around so you always have the same shifts

- cooks your lunches at home and brings them to work for you

- 100% takes naps under his desk when you’re out sick and he’s alone/bored

Blaise:

- gets along with everyone

- often leads meetings and presentations bc everyone trusts him

- winks at you from across the office several times a day

- has everything in his desk from stain remover to first aid kit to microwaveable ramen

- checks each paycheck (and yours) to make sure y’all get paid RIGHT

- hugs you from behind your chair like 1000 times a day (ft. neck kisses)

- flies paper cranes into your cubicle with cheesey pick up lines

- knows how to get your fav snacks from the vending machine without paying

- will randomly do some of your tasks bc he’s so ahead on his

- LOVES a business trip and gets you two ALL the travel upgrades

Lorenzo:

- does not give a fuck about getting anything done

- but somehow is pretty much always caught up/in good standing

- does the bare minimum but makes up for it by being extremely charming

- faxes you (yes, faxes) memes when he is extra bored

- steals people’s things off their desk if he doesn’t like them

- never abides by the dress code

- lies to your boss to get you out of meetings and leave work early

- convinces you to call out with him so you can spend the day together

- has a keycard that opens every door in the building, don’t ask how he got it

- switches nametags/IDs with you and thinks its the funniest thing in the world

- headphones in 24/7

ALL of them love to say “if you ever leave i have to quit too. i can’t work here without you” and they MEAN it!!

[coco-loco-nut]

Choices

pairing: logan x reader, pato o’ward x reader

summary: when your first love comes back into your life, you are stuck between two choices.

a/n: please enjoy my drunk, post-indy, fic idea (i wrote most of the plot while drunk at the bar. college towns are great guys 😂)

masterlist part 2

———————

“I am so proud of you, amor!” Pato hugs you as soon as he sees you after your graduation. He’s been supporting you since you joined the team as an undergraduate engineering last summer with Arrow McLaren.

“I couldn’t have done it without your support, Pato,” you smile, admiring your boyfriend. He would make sure to visit you when he got the chance, and he always picked up when you called needing to vent or asking for motivation. Your lock screen was a picture of the two of you at a hockey game you snuck him into the student section for, he showed up as a surprise that weekend to help you relax.

“Don’t say that, you got this because of your own merit. The guys send their congratulations, by the way,” Pato tells you. The only people who know about you dating are the other drivers, you didn’t want to risk your internship.

“I hope they aren’t too tired of me, I just accepted an offer for a full time position,” you tell him what you’ve been keeping secret the past few months.

“You deserve it. Does that mean you will be coming to Indy with me?” Pato asks, rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand.

“Of course. Now, let’s find my parents, I know they will want pictures,” you kiss Pato quickly before looking for your parents. He spots them waiting a few yards away and pulls you over. They have to leave after a celebratory lunch, but Pato stays to help you finish packing up your apartment. You utilize his muscles for putting things in your U-Haul trailer. He even manages to convince you to let him drive to Indianapolis with you.

It doesn’t take you long to settle in with the team that year. Your coworkers throw you a 23rd birthday party the next spring, inviting everyone who worked in the garage (including the drivers) to celebrate. You worked your tail off proving why you deserve to be there and they said you deserve to let loose before the summer.

Later that second summer you are on a date with Pato for your two year anniversary when you get a call from your boss offering a promotion, which you quickly accept.

“You deserve it, you’ve worked so hard,” Pato reaches across the table, grabbing your hand and squeezing it.

“Your support makes it possible, babe,” you reply, squeezing his hand back. You are so helplessly in love with him. At the end of the season, Pato has a ring picked out and he had a plan before he is flown out to Abu Dahbi to drive in free practice for Formula One.

Unbeknownst to Pato, while he is away you are asked to join a virtual meeting with some higher up engineers at McLaren.

“We’d like you to join our Formula One team as we finish developing next year’s car. We will assist in your relocation, all you need to do is say yes,” the offer is virtually laid in front of you. Your mind immediately goes to Pato.

“When do you need an answer?” you ask, making sure you don’t sound disinterested.

“Two days,” they say and you nod.

“I’ll have my decision into you by then. Thank you so much for the opportunity,” you tell them, mulling it over in your brain. A copy of the details pops up in your inbox.

“We hope you say yes,” they tell you as you leave the call.

As you read the document, you know what your answer is going to be. The next day Pato returns and you go for a walk through the local park.

“Will you marry me?” Pato blurts and your heart drops.

“Patricio-,” you start and he cuts you off.

“I know, we are young but-,” this time you cut him off.

“I’m moving to England. McLaren wants me to move to the F1 team, and they are offering to pay for me to get my Masters as well as helping with my relocation, and the money is good,” you start to ramble but stop when the hurt in his eyes matches the hurt in your heart.

“Mi amor, I can support you here, I have enough money for both of us,” he says, praying you didn’t accept yet.

“Babe, I know, but I have to do it for myself. I have to accept the job,” you say, silently pleading that he understands.

“What about us,” tears start rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t know, Patricio,” tears form in your eyes as you say his name softly, he loves it when you call him by his full name.

“We can make it work,” Pato says, despite both of you knowing it won’t.

“Pato,” your voice cracks with emotion. The two of you know what has to happen.

“I know. At least keep this, it’s only meant for you. Maybe one day it will be on its rightful place,” he pulls out the ring and shows it to you. That’s when the tears flow, and he pulls you into him.

“Please don’t think that I don’t love you. I would say yes a million times if it wasn’t for this offer. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made,” you cry as he holds you tight.

“I know. I love you more than you know,” he whispers. He walks you back to your apartment, leaving you with a heartfelt kiss goodbye. A few days later you are gone.

When you meet Lando and Oscar, you are wary of them, they remind you too much of Pato, but it only takes a week for them to crack your shell. They saw how sad you were and learned how young you are and immediately wanted to get to know the new American on the team.

You carefully balance work and classes, wishing you could pick up the phone and call Pato, but you can’t. Instead, you fiddle with the ring you keep on a chain around your neck, you added a P charm to the necklace.

“Y/n! I want you to meet Logan, he’s American too,” Oscar drags a blonde boy into the motorhome behind him during testing. You look up from your coursework and offer a welcoming smile.

“There aren’t many Americans around, are there?” you jokingly ask, motioning for Logan to sit down.

“No. So where are you from?” Logan asks as you quickly mark where you are at. Oscar slips out of the room, hoping his matchmaking skills worked as you tell Logan about your start in Indycar.

Oscar failed at first, you were determined to keep Logan in the friend zone. But he broke down your walls and somehow convinced you to date him a couple months later.

Everything goes smoothly from late May until October when COTA comes around. You visit your family the week before the race, and that’s when your mother drops a bomb.

“What are you going to do when you see Pato this weekend?” she asks.

“What?”

“Didn’t you see? Pato is driving free practice at COTA and Mexico,” your mom tells you and you feel your stomach flip, it takes everything in you to not reach for the ring around your neck.

“No, I must’ve missed that email,” you say softly. You do really love Logan, but there is a reason you can’t bring yourself to take off the necklace unless you are with Logan. There’s been times when you have wanted to tell him, Oscar, and Lando about Pato, but you never do, it’s too painful.

You arrive at COTA and it’s clear something is off, but you brush every question off. Pato arrives the same way, nervous to see you again. He is wearing a hair tie on his wrist, one that you left behind. He wears it for the same reason you wear the ring.

“Oh! One of our engineers is from America, used to work in IndyCar. Maybe you know her,” Lando says to Pato, not picking up on Pato’s uncomfortableness as Lando drags him around. It’s odd for the Mexican driver to be uncomfortable.

“Y/n, hi,” Pato awkwardly and breathlessly says, you almost drop your tablet from where you are standing in the garage. How is it possible for him to look this good.

“Patricio, hi. How are you doing? Tough luck on the 500, I meant to text you,” you say softly, setting the tablet down and approaching him and Lando. He can barely breathe, to him you’ve only gotten more beautiful.

“Thanks, it’s okay, I’ll get it next year. Maybe I would’ve won if you were there,” Pato ruefully smiles, your heart drops.

“Maybe, but don’t think like that. You’ve always been okay driving without me,” you match his rueful smile. Lando looks between you, a little confused. Pato goes to say something, noticing a P sticking out of the collar of your shirt where a necklace is, but Oscar interrupts.

“Hey, Logan is looking for you outside,” Oscar tells you, you can’t suppress the happy look on your face.

“It was nice talking to you again, Pato,” you tell the Mexican and quickly exit towards where Logan is waiting.

“How do you know her?” oscar asks suspiciously, picking up the longing look Pato is giving you.

“She’s my ex, she broke up with me when she moved to formula one. We were going to get married,” Lando cringes. he remembers how sad you were when you joined the team, it’s why he befriended you. “Who is Logan?” Pato asks Oscar, feeling like he’s missing something.

“Her boyfriend,” Oscar says, feeling the urge to defend his best friend and engineer, but also wanting to crawl in a hole and die.

“That’s something you need to talk about with her, if it makes any difference, she was unhappy for a long time after moving here,” Lando says, ending that topic.

Pato nods, turning his focus to the drive. Luckily for you, you are currently one of Lando’s engineers, so you are busy with him all weekend.

“Y/n, we should talk,” Pato approaches you carefully.

“Pato,” you say his name warily, it’s like a dagger to his heart.

“Please. Come with me to Mexico. I won’t try anything out of respect to your boyfriend, but we both deserve to talk about some stuff. Plus, Mami and Elba miss you,” Pato says and you pause to think about it.

“San Antonio is on the way,” you think out loud, still mulling it over.

“It’s just tomorrow that we’d be there, leaving first think Tuesday morning to get to the track on time,” Pato insists. Even if it’s a bad idea, almost all of you wants to go.

“Okay, I’ll join you,” you relent, and he almost hugs you.

“I’ll drive you from the hotel,” Pato says, turning to leave before turning around again. “You will have to unblock my number so I can text you,” he adds and you fight the smile playing on your lips.

“I never blocked you, Patricio,” you admit, and his heart melts at how you say his name.

“Oh, I will see you soon then,” he says, not quite sure how to reply, leaving you to pack you backpack.

“You okay?” Lando asks and you shoot him a weird look.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We know you used to date him,” Lando says and your eyes widen.

“We?”

“Oscar and I, yeah. Wait, you aren’t even denying it,”

“I broke up with him to take the job here when he was proposing even when I wanted to say yes, we dated most of the time I was at Arrow McLaren, I still wear his ring and initial on a necklace,” you blurt, knowing Lando isn’t going to judge too much.

“Oh. Wow, ok. Is it a nice ring?” Lando asks and you tug the chain, pulling it in front of your polo. “He has good taste. What were you talking about?” Lando pushes further as you tuck the chain behind your polo again.

“I’m going to San Antonio with him tonight and tomorrow,” you say, needing someone to confide in that isn’t your college friends.

“Does Logan know?” Lando asks and you shake you head.

“That’s the next step, once you are done asking questions,” you bump his shoulder lightly.

“No, like, does he know about your history with Pato,” Lando asks, glad Oscar isn’t around.

“No, I can never bring myself to tell him. I think we both know that we might not last past this season,” you admit. Logan and you had said as much to each other a couple weeks ago. He admitted that he isn’t sure where he sees it going after the season.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Lando pauses, thinking about it.

“Don’t be, he knows that I had just gotten out of a serious relationship when we became friends and I know he isn’t ready for something long term yet. Obviously I’m still going to try to make things work, because I do love him, but I’m also going to take comfort in knowing that we tried,” you pull your backpack over your shoulders. Lando says a quick goodbye before you walk out to find Logan’s rental car where he is waiting.

“Hey sweetie,” he kisses you when you get in. Any tension in your body leaves when you see him.

“Hi, Lo, ready to get back to the hotel?” you ask as he backs out of the space.

“So ready, I just want cuddles and a nap,” Logan groans a little, you reach up and play with the ends of his hair as he drives. Despite you having a room from McLaren, you are staying with Logan in his room this race weekend.

“That sounds perfect,” you admire the way the sun makes his hair look lighter and his blue eyes clearer. You change while he takes a quick shower, tucking the necklace into a pocket in your backpack.

“Don’t go to San Antonio with Pato,” Logan says suddenly while you lay in bed with him.

“What?”

“Come with me back to Fort Lauderdale instead, please. I heard Pato tell Oscar that you were joining him, and I know your history with him even if you didn’t explicitly tell me. And I get it, it must be hard to bring up. I don’t want to lose you, I love you,” Logan whispers and you feel your gut twist as you are left with a choice.

Logan offers you a chance to start fresh and continue the new relationship you built, but Pato offers the chance to rekindle an old flame that never quite burnt out. How the hell are you going to choose.

part two

[ham1lton]

47 with FA14 please :)

047. the inside of an elevator that won’t move w/ FA14.

— part of a series of drabbles! <3

you were incredibly annoyed. so annoyed in fact, that you were this close to quitting this job. your very cushy hybrid job which paid incredible and gave you your own office even though you mostly worked from home. toto, your boss, had given you the alonso case which meant that you’d be working through your sister’s wedding. the same wedding you’d booked off months ago.

you get in the elevator, slightly fuming, as an older man also got in the elevator with you. he turns to you.

“floor three please.” he asks politely, as you’re standing next to the buttons. you seethe but press the button for him.

as the two of you stand in silence, the elevator suddenly stops. you give each other a panicked look. the silence between the two of you is heavy, only broken by the occasional faint hum of the elevator’s machinery. you click the help button and after a short conversation with the very unhelpful guy on the other end, you’re told help will arrive in half an hour.

“great! just what i fucking needed.” you mutter. he turns to you. “what? like this is a great situation for you either?”

“no, obviously not.” he says, in very accented english.

“so don’t give me that look.” you roll your eyes.

he raises his hands defensively. "okay, okay. truce?"

you sigh, realizing you're being unfair. it’s not like it’s his fault. "yeah, sorry. it's just been a really bad day."

"tell me about it," he says, leaning against the elevator wall. "what’s got you so worked up?"

"my boss just dumped this huge case on me last minute," you say, frustration bubbling up again. "it’s for this big client, alonso or something. now i have to miss my holiday because of it. i had the time off booked for months."

he raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised. "alonso? that's tough."

"yeah, and all because some big shot can't finalize a business contract on time," you grumble. “what’s so important about this stupid contract anyways?”

he looks away, as if contemplating something. "sounds like a real pain. what do you do, exactly?"

"i'm a corporate lawyer. and you?"

he hesitates for a moment before answering, "i'm... in business. finance, mostly."

you roll your eyes. "well, mr. finance, at least you’re not stuck working on a weekend for some unreasonable client."

the silence that follows feels heavier than before, and he shifts uncomfortably. "yeah, must be tough," he says quietly.

you frown, feeling slightly guilty for venting so much. "sorry, i didn't mean to unload on you. it's just been a lot."

he nods, offering a small, understanding smile. "i get it. sometimes things don’t go the way we planned."

you both fall silent for a second, the hum of the elevator the only sound, as you wait for help to arrive. then, as if compelled to fill the void, you continue. "it's just... my sister's wedding this weekend. i've been looking forward to it for months. and now, because of this contract, i'm going to miss it. i don't even know why it's so urgent."

he shifts again, looking like he wants to say something but isn't sure if he should. "maybe the client has their reasons," he offers carefully. "not that it makes it any easier for you."

"yeah, well, whoever they are, i hope their business crashes and burns," you mutter darkly. "no contract is worth missing something so important."

there's another pause before he speaks again, his voice softer this time. "sometimes, it's hard to see the bigger picture when you're in the thick of it."

you look at him, a hint of curiosity mixed with your frustration. "you sound like you know a lot about this."

he gives a half-smile as he shrugs, almost rueful. "more than i'd like to admit."

before you can ask more, the elevator jerks and starts moving again. you both breathe a sigh of relief as the doors slide open. he gestures for you to go first. "after you."

as you step out, you glance back at him. "thanks for listening. and sorry for the rant."

"anytime," he says, his smile warm but his eyes holding a hint of something you can't quite place. "good luck with that contract. and i hope you find a way to make it to your sister's wedding."

"thanks," you say, still feeling a bit unsettled as you walk away, wondering why his understanding smile seemed to hold more weight than a simple stranger's sympathy.

later that evening, as you’re buried in paperwork, your phone buzzes with an email notification. it's from toto. you open it, and your heart skips a beat.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

subject: urgent update on alonso case

dear l/n,

i have some unexpected news regarding the alonso contract. the client personally requested to change the deadline, granting you the weekend off. i know this is a surprise, but please take the weekend to attend your sister's wedding.

best,

toto.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

your mind races as you read the email again. how did the client know about your situation? you stare at the screen, the pieces slowly clicking into place. the man from the elevator—the one who listened so intently, who seemed to know more than he let on—he must be connected to alonso.

the realisation brings a mix of emotions: relief, slight embarrassment, gratitude, and a touch of something warmer. you can't help but smile, remembering his kind eyes and supportive words. your phone beeps again.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

subject: dinner invitation

dear y/n,

i hope this message finds you well. i wanted to extend an invitation for dinner sometime this week. it would be a pleasure to meet in person and discuss matters beyond business.

please let me know if you're interested and i hope you enjoy the wedding.

warm regards,

fernando alonso.

ceo of alonso corp.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

author’s note: i don’t actually write for fernando but this was calling to me so i decided to fulfil the prompt. i hope this isn’t too ooc. my bad. also reader and ceo!alonso go on the date and fall in love and the week before their wedding he pretends to get her on a contract all over again bc he thinks its funny.

[ohbabydollie]

omg as a kitchen porter/ waitress i am actually drooling over chef schlatt pls do more on this x 🫶🩷

ofc! (for clarification i did get inspo from bistro huddy n when i worked in a kitchen) (also had to take a break from so much smut writing 😭)

let’s say reader is a waitress now!

schlatt asks you specifically to make him drinks bc “he doesn’t know how the machines work”

“perfect, absolutely perfect, y’know no one else can make a drink as good as you y/n”

if someone else makes the drink he’s like “yeah, it’s a drink for sure”

other waiters are complaining about “favorism” because he won’t tear into you when you forget ring in an order and will have it made on the fly

he does tear into other servers though

you bring him energy drinks whenever you start your shift

especially if he’s working a double you make sure to keep him supplied

he gets jealous if you show another cook more attention than you did him that day but won’t ever admit it

talking shit about some customers while he’s cooking

“then they were like why haven’t we gotten our drinks yet? like sir, you were seated not even 10 minutes ago and we’re packed” you said grabbing a fry “not to mention the way his little sugar baby was giving me the stink eye, like i don’t want your crusty lipped rude ass grandpa”

schlatt lets out a chuckle at this “shit, tell ‘er ya got a hotter man waitin’ in the back”

if you had a boyfriend when you started at the restaurant, he got dumped real fast when you realized how shitty he treated you in comparison to schlatt

“and you won’t believe it! he got fired and called me in the middle of dinner rush to complain! then i got home and he was complaining about how dirty the apartment is, like i was home to make the mess and not to mention he asked when dinner would be ready!” you complain to one of the cooks

“really, must be awful n/n” he says as schlatt walks in “hey n/n” schlatt says smiling “came ‘ere for some fries” he asks with a smile

“no, i, i was just venting” you say with a soft sigh, now calming down

“really? ‘bout that piece a shit boyfriend huh?” schlatt says getting a slice of cake for you “here ya go sweetheart” he says handing it to you “ya deserve at least one man who don’t treat ya like trash”

he doesn’t stop with the flirting even once the two of you are dating

“ugh, these people tipped like shit” you groan “i’ve got a tip for ya, but you’ll have ta take it in private” schlatt says as you giggle making the other line cooks groan

“i’m gonna puke all over the food if the two of you don’t stop” alex groans

when you go into the freezer to scream, schlatt asks what’s wrong and depending on what it is, he’ll try to help you out

he gives you fries and little treats when you want them and when he thinks you can use them the most

you’ll bring in little things for the kitchen from time to time

they love you because you’ve managed to melt the heart of their asshole boss

“aww, you guys are so cute” one of the waitresses says smiling

“how ‘bout you shut the fuck up and go run food” he says muttering some more unsavory words under his breath

[louisetaylor]

TUA SEASON 4 REWRITE

because if you want something done right... *rolls eyes*

In the original single timeline, we got a wonderful season 4 of The Umbrella Academy. I'm here to remind you of your latent memories of the original season 4. Together we can restore it to its former glory. Like a club. We need a name. Call ourselves the Keepers or something similar.

Here's what I know:

Luther is putting work into his (admittedly rundown and condemned) house. It's growing more welcoming with every antique sconce and threadbare thrifted rug. Klaus lives with him, advising him on the finer points of exotic dancing. We see the family visiting. Claire knows where the snacks are. Luther picks up and tosses Lila's kids in the air, trying and failing to learn words in Punjabi. He struggles to move in new furniture, longing for his old strength back, his familiar hairy body.

Viktor owns a bar in Canada. He's proud of it, but despite bantering with the regulars, he isn't close to anyone. He still wants to shout at Reginald (for everything) and at Allison (for everything else). Sometimes the patrons get too loud, and Viktor focuses on the sound of the radio playing in the background, wanting to shout at the loud talkers and knock them off their stools with the sound of his voice. He misses Harlan. He wonders about autism, and why he understood the boy so well.

Diego practices throwing knives in the back yard after the kids have gone to bed. Fed up with being a delivery driver, he briefly considers opening a party planning business, but Lila laughs her head off at the idea, saying he'd explode if she even bought a pinata from the wrong side of town or something. He runs alone at night, slows, stops, bangs his head against a telephone pole in frustration.

Lila spars with Diego in the basement, kendo one night, aikido the next...It vents their anger and relieves their boredom. She has an idea of opening a martial arts studio. When she pins Diego down, they're both visibly into it. She goes away to a book club that might not be a book club, wishing for a bigger world.

The kids aren't just pawns for the plot or for conflict. They're people who ask inconvenient questions. "Where did Mummy learn to fight?" They make up bedtime stories about their parents' pasts. Superhero stories which are eerily close to the truth.

Klaus lives with Luther, sober, germaphobic, plagued by nightmares, afraid of death and love and life because he's seen so very much of all of them. He cooks for Luther, which sometimes turns out well and sometimes not. "Well, it's not the same when you make it without hashish..." When the marigold crashes back into his life, he's angry, and yet he's elated to feel the power back in him, he knows he can't go back to being half dead and unfeeling, he needs to wear something silk and put on some eyeliner and be wild again, as he always really was.

Allison tries out for every commercial in town and spars with her daughter, who's turning out to be a stubborn opposing mirror of her mother. Claire spits uncomfortable truths at her mother like her too-strong influence on others, her lecturing them instead of listening to them, kicking at their weak points. She wonders who she is when she's not acting or rumoring people. Maybe one of these days she'll ask someone for help.

Number Five has been trying to remember his name. He's been working for the CIA because a man's gotta eat, but he clashes with his boss a little too much on account of his smart mouth. He can't help acting like a young man sometimes, because he never really got to be young, feel young, act young. He can't help trying to jump away sometimes. He feels trapped in one place, one time.

Ben just got out of prison. The season starts with him being taken back to Luther's place, being welcomed in by Klaus and offered some cookies that smell suspiciously of weed. He's annoyed by the running laughing visiting kids, but the house reminds him strangely of home. He'll curse Luther out, but Klaus gave him weed cookies, and the kids don't deserve to be scared or upset, do they? He's not a monster, after all.

[diagonal-queen]

May i request how hunting dogs would react when their s/o doesn’t feel enough for them?

When their S/O feels inadequate

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura, Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do the Hunting Dogs react when they learn that you feel inadequate?

♡ cw: Reader is insecure and has self-esteem issues (same queen T-T).

note: You guys really like when I write for the Hunting Dogs huh? I have so many reqs for them and Tecchou specifically lmao. But I'm more than happy to write about the silly little soldiers and their evil boss dad. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

For a guy as smart as Fukuchi (I don't like him but even I gotta admit this man is big brain) he just didn't see it coming

Because...? You're the partner of the world's hero, Fukuchi Ouchi! Why would you ever think you're not enough? He sure doesn't

But it becomes all too apparent when he gives you time to explain your perspective. Any regular person would look painfully unimpressive besides him, but you feel like you don't meet particular expectations being his S/O.

Plus you feel like he's out of your league because...y'know. War hero dilfman and all that

He quickly tells you that the reason you're together is because you're YOU, and he loves you as you are. You don't need to meet or exceed anybody else's expectations, including your own (especially your own in fact)

Fukuchi never really considered that his status would lower your self-confidence, but he'll be damned if he keeps letting it happen

He doesn't want you to compare yourself to him in any way. The only thing you owe to each other is respect and trust- relationship stuff. Outside of that, he wants you to be whoever YOU want to be

He's never really been one to care that much about social status and whatnot so what is a giant insecurity to you is entirely irrelevant to him. That fact actually reassures you a little because it solidifies your trust in his feelings

Not only that, but he wants to show his feelings for you as well, especially if doing so will make you feel better. And we know I hc Fukuchi as being a sugar daddy type soooo...clear out your living space because you're getting more gifts than a five year old with undiagnosed autism

No but really. He loves you. And nothing's gonna change that babes <3

Jouno:

For a sadist he's like...really nice about it

He doesn't get upset at you, doesn't start interrogating you...in fact, he's initially very calm about it

He just asks you why you feel this way. He doesn't interrupt you and just lets you explain yourself, not worrying about you getting emotional or anything

He keeps his hand placed comfortingly on your back as you do so to subtly show that he's not mad or anything. And he listens really intently too

When you tell him that you don't feel good enough for him considering everything he is, he then gets a little upset with himself, not you.

He never intended to make you feel inadequate because he's a Hunting Dog. Jouno only ever wanted to make sure you were comfortable and safe so he feels like this is his fault

You have to let him know that it's not because of him that you feel like this, it's just personal self-esteem issues that you're working on. He understands but he can't shake the guilt

Jouno really loves you and actually feels horrible about this. He actually ends up telling you some of his personal issues with himself as well

It gets really deep and sad. You definitely cry, he probably doesn't but he's definitely not happy

When you're both done mutually venting to each other you decide that you're going to help each other through your issues together. You want to be more open with these things and spend time trying to work through them with him

The idea makes him a little wary AT FIRST, but he's willing to try for you. Maybe he'll find that being able to trust someone, really trust them, isn't so bad after all?

Tecchou:

Tecchou is absolutely dumbstruck when you tell him about your insecurities

This is because he got used to the notion that you saw yourself the same way that he does, so when he learned that this wasn't the case he just...didn't exactly know what to say.

His first instinct is to be all 'no you're amazing' but he knows that those kinds of words will just seem hollow and unhelpful.

After he asks you to explain why you feel like this, he's silent. Both trying to listen to you, as well as just really sad :(

If you cry, he'll be devastated. He'll pull you into his arms and gently shush you until you feel a little better, patting your back and carding his fingers through your hair

Once you pull your face from the crook of his neck, he'll take your face in his hand and thumb away a tear rolling down your cheek

Tecchou tells you that he thinks you're lovely as you are, and that you have nothing to be afraid of. He reassures you that he won't leave you, he isn't keeping anything from you, and that despite your 'flaws' he loves you more than anything

(his speech is more eloquent than that but that's the gist of it lol)

Tbh he probably just makes you cry more with his words, then panics like 'wait no I didn't mean to make you cry even MORE'

You have to reassure him that they're sentimental happy tears T-T

He feels really bad. He feels like he must've failed you as a partner if you don't even know how much he loves you

He promises from here on that he'll do absolutely whatever he can to help you understand that you're loved and appreciated <3

You promise the same and let him know if he ever feels like this to tell you instantly and you can work through it together

And of course, cus he knows how much you like it when he does, he cuddles with you for a while after :')

Teruko (platonic):

Y'know that trope where someone's friend will make fun of them but if anyone else dares to do the same they're catching hands?

It's literally Teruko

And you are no exception

She's FULLY ready to beat some sense into you, because you're her best friend and you're amazing?? Why would you ever think any less of yourself?

Teruko is very extra. She will go to great lengths to demonstrate how much she loves you because of YOU and you alone

She'll name everything she likes about you. She'll make you name things you like about yourself too. She'll FORCE a self-compliment out of you no matter what it takes (no she won't that was a lie. But she will try very hard)

She also tries to make you laugh, just to cheer you up a little and distract you from your negative feelings. That way you can have the conversation with a calmer and more rational mind

She'll give you a little pick-me-up in the form of a really energetic and actually quite adorable pep talk

She also gives you a really big (lethal) hug

In general she really just wants to make you happy and hammer it into you that you don't need to be insecure about her friendship with you, because she cares about you a great deal!

Like yeah she teases you sometimes, but you tease her back and you guys are allowed to do that cus you love each other.

She asks you if she should dial it down a little and you tell her that she doesn't need to worry about that, because who is Teruko if not a loveable menace and an instigator?

If you still feel insecure about yourself after all this, then Teruko still feels like trying to cheer you up. Cry about it scrub

Tachihara:

His heart BREAKS when you admit to him that you don't feel like you're good enough for him

Because, and he doesn't wanna tell you this at first, but he tends to feel the same way a lot of the time

Tachihara has quite a lot of insecurities considering his identity crisis and all that, and sometimes he can feel like a burden to you due to the nature of his work. Compared to that, any issues you feel you might have seem absolutely minuscule to him.

Regardless, he tries to understand things from your point of view and comforts you about it

He'll reassure you that your personal insecurities don't affect him or his view of you, and that he loves you for all the things about yourself that you consider to be flaws and more

He asks you about certain things that make you feel inadequate and relates them back to his own experiences to reassure you and show that he does understand you

He knows and dislikes the fact that he views you as being better than him, and vice versa. What he really desires is that you both see one another as equals

To be totally honest, he might actually suggest couples' therapy for you guys.

It's not that he thinks your relationship is going to end from this or that he's struggling because of it, but he wants to maintain and improve it in a way that benefits both of you emotionally

Tachihara is the least prideful and most mature hunting dog there I said it fight me

If you don't want to do couples' therapy then he won't make you. But if you do he'll find the time and he'll support you 100 percent

Tachihara loves you and wants you to be alright without becoming someone else. The only change he wants to see in you is an increase in self-love <3

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl

[shelbgrey]

Being Seeley Booth's Best friend Headcanons:

Paring: Seeley Booth x Platonic!Reader, reader x Lance Sweets

Summary: headcanons on what it's like to have Seeley Booth as your Person(greys fans know what I mean)

1.8) “not all soul mates are lovers”

MasterList

To the unknown or to strangers that see you on the street, might think your a couple. Sure your touchy with each other but your both strictly best friends and it's all Platonic.

Your Hodgins little cousin if your wondering, but your the first one at the jeffersonian Booth really clicked with.

You guys kinda became an unlike duo and people knew he was basically your body guard.

Like I said before you guys are close, so that means your arms might be linked sometime, you'll eat or drink after each other... You guys are just really comfortable with each other.

At time you do think you guys might be too close, like your afraid it might screw up your actual relationships.

“you think our friendship bothers Bones and Lance?” you asked.

“it doesn't bother Bones... She told me she'd figured if we we're attracted to each other we'd already be together”

You guys have been friends longer than you guys been in your romantic relationships, so Lance nor Temperance has an actual problem.

Lance might get jealous at times, like he might think Seeley is more attractive or he'll think you guys would make a better couple. You'll make sure to get those thoughts out of his head and you make sure Lance knows he's the only guy for you.

Lance knows your friendship is strictly Platonic, hell Seeley even helped you guys admit your feelings for one another.

The thought of you guys being more than friends grosses you guys out. You guys maybe comfortable with each other and might have shared a bed, but the thought of having sex disterbs the both of you.

“ew... She's literally like a sister to me!”

If you have a problem and you can't tell Lance you go to Seeley, you know he'll never judge you.

The feeling is mutual, he'll go to you if he has to vent about the army, work, or if he needs advice on how to deal with Temperance.

You are now the soul keeper of his dog tags, you wear them for good luck.

You guys say many things to show your affection, some loving and some inappropriate(you know its all love tho). You say things like, “love ya”, “suck it”, “hey, loser”, “shut it bitch”

Of course you usually call him 'bitch'. He knows it's a joke but he can't bring himself to call you that back.

His brother having the hots for you, but he actually really creeps you out. Before you started dating Lance his brother would hit on you when he visited DC, you told Seely about it and he got his brother to back off.

Nicknames are all over the the place, but your favorite one for him is 'bub'. He calls your 'shorty' or 'kid'.

Since your a 'squint' you say words he doesn't understand and sometimes he tries to talk like you a fails. “I need a.. What do you call it, I swabie thing”

“a what?” you asked as he digged through your drawers in the Lab.

He sighs. “come on, I have to figure out what you say everyday and you can't figure out 'swabie thing'?”

Some people do question your relationship and even try to get you guys to turn on each other or even try to tamper with your romantic relationship(*cough* Daisy *cough*)

“he's my person,”

He's very protective of you... Sometimes it gets annoying but you know he means we'll.

“if you ever touch her again, I WILL kill you!”

You guys do have fights, it's rare but if it happens it gets really heated. The fights are mostly about your guys stupidity at work.

“you could have died! You realize that?” he shouted.

“your not the boss of me! Your not my father!”

“well, if I was you wouldn't be this stupid!” he'll regret it immediately. If there was one thing he never want you to think is that your stupid.

He knows your knowledge is an insecurity. You feel like your not as smart as the others, so Seeley is always there to hype you up and remind you of the big brain you have.

Most of the time you guys will immediately make up. He'll pull you into a massive hug and tell you he's sorry over and over.

Speaking of hugs, he gives the best bear hugs. His hug make you feel extremely safe.

Being each other's best man/woman at your guys weddings.

You are the designated babysitter for both Parker and Christine. They both call you 'Aunty y/n'

Him and Temperance babyset your Kids when ever they can.

You guys love blasting music and just jam out in the car or at your apartments.

He's your shoulder to cry on, I think he's the only one aside from Lance that really seen you absolutely lose it.

His grandfather basically adopting you and you call him pops like Seeley dose. Sometime Hank will leave the nursing home just to check in on you and Lance.

You go to alot of crime scenes together, you have the same job as your cousin Hodgins, but if Temperance can't go with him to investigate you'll Tag along.

There's nothing he wouldn't do for you. You, Bones, and christine are his world.

He's got your back and he'll die if it ment protecting you.

Angela once said this about you two: “not all soulmates are lovers”

She's not wrong, your the sister he never had or asked for.

You'll never have a friend like him and you don't plan on getting ride of him anytime soon.

[jellybeanium124]

pathetic vent post lol

so the thursday before last, one of my coworkers told me she's quitting bc she got a job in the field she wants to have a career in. I was happy for her and told her so, but I also felt kind of sad, because she's a woman close in age to me and I've been thinking we could be friends if I wasn't technically her boss for a little while now. so finally near the end of our shifts (we were closing) I buck up and ask if her she'd want to exchange contact info and stay in touch and hang out after she left.

and y'all she looked so happy and excited to be asked that. absolutely 0 hints that her delighted response wasn't genuine. so she puts her number in my phone, and even takes a silly picture for the contact pic, and I send a test text and she responds to confirm it's her correct number.

on monday I text her about hanging out later in the week, with ideas. on tuesday I text her again, with new ideas if she didn't like my first ones. I didn't mean to double text two days in a row.

nothing.

I wait till yesterday and send her one last text, explaining that I really do wanna be friends, I am more chill outside of work and she's only seen Work Nina if that's what she's worried about, but that I don't wanna bother her.

it's been over 24 hours now, and nothing. part of me wonders if she changed her mind and blocked my number.

it's just really disheartening because I've had another person string me along and then not respond/continually cancel on me pretty recently. after my college friend group broke up thanks to the serial sexual predator (which is a whole nother story, dw he didn't do anything to me, in fact he refused to talk to me the first time we met when I introduced myself and tried to make polite small talk, and I realized several months later that he didn't engage with me at all because he didn't wanna fuck me 🙃) things have been kind of dire in the irl friends department and it's sad and pathetic and I thought finally here was a girl I really connected with, and she liked gossiping with me at work, and she seemed really really excited at the possibility of being real friends with me, and then nope... not a single response to any of my texts. zip nada zilch.

it's just hard... I was basically socially rejected by everyone in my film program at my uni, then I finally started to make friends at the jewish club and a serial predator with an apartment full of guns who sells stolen lego sets on ebay and does cocaine ruins that, and then I'm at work and now that I'm a manager I'm the boss of most people there and I wouldn't be close friends with most of them anyways and the one girl who I think I could be really close friends with fucking ghosts me after I was brave enough to ask if she'd wanna be friends. it's been like five straight years of rejection for me. I always had friends in k-12, I wasn't a "popular kid" but I was well liked among the venn diagram of gays, nerds, theater kids, and band kids and I had a lot of friends in high school. I don't fucking know what happened. and now I'm on meds that are finally giving me energy and happy chemicals so I wanna go out, I wanna do stuff, I wanna walk around, and I don't wanna be an apartment slug anymore but I don't have anyone to do anything with and there's only so much fun you can have by yourself. and I'm still too shy to go to a bar alone because I know I'll stand in the corner paralyzed by social anxiety. I'm trying bumble bff rn but I'm so shit at responding to people and I kinda hate myself for it and I'm trying to do better but I keep not responding to people for too long and yeah maybe my ex-coworker is stuck in that cycle too idk.

oh yeah and the whole past year of antisemitism makes everything worse because I'm deeply realistically afraid that any goyim I meet are going to be hateful hamasniks <3 so that's a fun lil bonus.

jesus man... idfk. it's just shitty. it's just fucking shitty.

[dotster001]

A Sagittarius Chaos Throuple

Summary: Rook x Idia x FEM! Reader. What a polyamorous relationship looks like for NRC's hottest Sagittarius'. Requested by @stygianoir

CW: Fem Reader.

A/N: If people like this, I can do the other signs, (I'm Libra in case you're wondering 😂) and I can make a gender neutral version. Just let me know!

Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer-coming soon

How it happens.

It all starts with Rook. We all know he's been trying to "get to know" Idia for a while. (let's be real. He already knows Idia. He just wants an excuse for an in that won't scare him)

When you come around, and he falls for you, it diverts him from Idia for a while. Obviously, Rook makes the first move. After he learns everything about you, that is. Now that he's got his beautiful girlfriend, you'd think he'd be satisfied, right? Nope.

In most cases, the reader proposes the Poly relationship. But this time is different. Roi de Ta Chambre is too alluring for poor Rook! If only his beautiful Mademoiselle Trickster could see it too!

He pushes you in the right direction, getting you into the games Idia is into, so that he will let you in. Then he joins on the escapades, as your boyfriend, thereby getting Idia comfortable with him as well.  After a while, he sits you both down and proposes a poly relationship. The trick to pulling it off is comparing it to an anime Idia has been really into lately, so that he isn't overwhelmed by the idea. 

What these three Sagittarius' get up to.

All three of you stay off the radar. But one day Rook is telling you about all the juicy things he hears when he hides in vents and trees, and now all three of you are doing it. Idia has created a smoke bomb, so that when you three gremlins get caught, you can make a hasty retreat.  While Rook is a little disappointed that his street cred as being undetectable is going out the window, getting gossip with his beloveds is definitely worth it.

Study sessions? Study sessions. All three of you work hard on your homework and study together, and sometimes, after that, you start studying up on one of your hyperfixations. Idia's new video game? You're all researching cheat codes, lore, and secrets for hours. Rook's new target? You're studying the school layouts and plotting how he's going to get them. 

Romance among Sagittarius is very affectionate, and it's no different here. It takes a bit for Idia to get past his insecurities, but once he does, he always wants a kiss from both of you for everything.  

Top kiss request quotes,

"Loves, I just killed that boss. Praise me."

"Rook, you forgot to give me a goodnight kiss yesterday, so now you owe me."

"If I don't have a lover kissing each of my cheeks in ten seconds, I'm going to hack your phones."

Meanwhile, Rook makes sure that you all get cuddle time at least once a week. He likes watching his partners fall asleep with his arms around them. 

He also sends you both off with a heated kiss before every class. Vil is this close to giving Rook another talk about PDA.

Rook teaches you both archery. When he realizes his throuple is made up solely of Sagittarius, he realizes you all need to be hunters. Under his guidance, the three of you become a menace to society.

Communication is great amongst you three. If something's upsetting someone, it's out in the open immediately. All three of you are very blunt about your feelings, but also very understanding. So resolutions are arrived at quickly.

Dates tend to be in Idia's room. You and Rook pretend it's for his comfort, but the reality is that none of you want to spend a lot of money on a date that you can go to in VR for free.  

Overall, it's a surprisingly happy trio (for everyone but Vil, who does not enjoy you and Idia enabling Rook's bad habits) You all work together to make sure the throuple stays happy and mentally stimulated, and cause some chaos together. What more could you ask for?

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 27 “Spicy Gas” [Episode List] Dave and Dana try to spice things up in their sexual life.

POV: Dave

Spicy Gas

Fuck, I’m freezing in this car.

It’s worth it though: I’m picking my girlfriend up from work and we’re going back to my place together. Tim (my bro and roommate) is out of town because of some needy client so, yeah, you know where this is going: a sexy, hot, movie night until we fall asleep on the couch.

When you’re past 30, this is considered a massive win.

It’s about 7:00 PM and I parked right where Dana asked me, in the mostly desert underground car park below the office building she works at. She works (usually overtime…) in a law firm and she’s as badass as she sounds; it’s a demanding job, though she’s up for it, as she told me many times without me asking and not in a nervous way at all. 

Yes, she sounds stressed, but I know her, she’s got it, I’m here if she needs to vent. Sometimes that’s all you need and if it’s not, well, we’re just gonna talk abou- why is this car so cold?!

I hope Dana’s on her way ‘cause if she’s not she’s gonna find his boyfriend dead of hypothermia. Before picking her up, I made a quick stop to a fast food nearby to get some french fries on the fly, because my body may be a temple, but it’s a crumbling one. But not even junk food raised my body temperature. 

This is how it ends, Dana, with your handsome boyfriend being murdered by this harsh, cold Winter in his own car, a coffin made of plastic and steel.

Truth is, I was bored and tired, so I was basically falling asleep, until I heard someone tapping on the car window right next to me. That made me jump, that always startle me for some reason… and she knows it very well, given the idiotic, beautiful smile on her face.

“Hey babe.” I said from inside the car, but she could barely hear me.

She walked around the vehicle and got inside, sitting on the passenger seat, next to me. We exchanged a quick peck on the lips and I then went for the keys to start the car.

“Wait, I need a moment.” Dana said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

She wasn’t mad nor sad, she just wanted to smoke a cigarette before leaving, all while she (as I said) vented about some co-worker acting like a bitch.

“‘Do not let Bennet know about it’ I told him and guess what he did?!”

“He… he told B-“

“He told her!” she had a puff of her cigarette. “Can you believe it? Now everyone knows we’re behind schedule because that idiot had to lick my boss’ ass.”

“Wow” I replied. I swear I’m listening, I’m just a bit on auto-pilot.

And freezing.

“And my boss… oh my boss, she got so mad, and rightfully so. We could handle the schedule, we do it all the time, but no! He had to rat us out like the kiss ass he is.”

“Is that him?” I said, casually glancing at some guy walking in the empty parking lot. “I can run him over if you want to.” I joked… and I hope she knows I’m joking.

“Yes, but don’t do anything, don’t move, don’t make any sound. He’s such a kiss ass that if he notices us he’ll come here to cha- I told you not to make a sound!” she said, almost laughing, as my enormous fart cut her off. 

Yes, one of my usual farts, powered by those fries I got earlier (not that I need any particular fuel to rip a good one).

You all know what I’m capable of, my bro Tim definitely does.

I hate how warm it felt compared to the sheer cold of the car. My girl is very familiar with all of my talents, including this one. 7 seconds and I was done.

“Are you done shitting yourself?” she politely asked.

I leaned towards her and we exchanged another quick peck, but me moving meant that the gas trapped under my ass now was free to pollute the entire car.

“I’m your pig, remember?” I whispered.

“I literally never called you that.”

“Really? Must have been one of my other girlfriends then.” I joked.

She playfully slapped my shoulder and I sat back in front of the steering wheel, ready to start the car.

“Wait.”

“Oh please can we go home? I’m freezing.” I lamented.

“Just a minute…” she looked at me amused, but thoughtful. “There’s something I’d like to talk you about.” she put out her cigarette and put it in the ashtray.

“You okay?”

“Sure.” she replied, calmly.

A few seconds of silence followed. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for her to say something.

“I actually… do like when you’re a pig.” she smiled, but still being serious and calm about it.

I gave her and inquisitive, amused look.

“Don’t judge me.” she noticed my expression.

“I’m not judging you babe.” I said. “It’s our thing, we’re very open about what we like.”

“I know… you’re awesome.”

“Of course I am.” I confirmed, with a smug smirk, fully knowing how annoying I am.

“And I, too, am awesome, thank you very much.” she added, giving me a funny scolding glare.

We laughed it off.

“So what’s up, babe?” I genuinely asked. “You know my kinks...” I leaned closer to her. “What’s your dirty secret, Mrs. D?” I whispered, trying to act cool and sexy, but all I got was another playful slap on my shoulder.

“It’s not… what you did like a minute ago.” she said, gesturing towards me.

“Oh you mean this?” I pretended to push one more fart out, but this time I actually had nothing brewing (incredible, huh?). I was amused by her reaction though. “Just kidding.” I quickly said.

She actually laughed at that.

“You’re so nice and it’s not that I like you being disgusting but… dammit, I admit that… sometimes… when we do our thing… maybe I’d like you being a bit more… dirty.”

I let out a surprisingly nervous cackle.

“That’s it? You want to spice things up?” I asked, reaching for my phone. “Because I’m pretty sure Google can give us some tips.”

She calmly but firmly extended her arm towards me. She grabbed my phone and threw it in the backseat. She then put her left hand on my jeans-clad right leg.

“If you’re cold, Mr. D” it was Dana’s turn to whisper. “I know just the way to warm you up.” 

That got me instantly aroused.

My girlfriend’s hand moved closer to my crotch, touching the tent I pitched between my legs.

“Oh… are you nervous?” she asked, gently caressing my boner, still in-character, whatever the character was.

I nodded.

Why did I nod? Am I an idiot?

With a deft movement, she untied my belt and her hand slipped right into my jeans and underwear, going straight for my hard cock.

As that happened, I let out a very short high-pitched scream, not because I wasn’t used to this, but because Dana’s hand was way colder than I was expecting. She broke character to laugh a bit at my very manly scream, then quickly went back into this femme fatale persona she was impersonating.

I was sweating.

But then I realized...

“Wait… r-right here?” I stuttered.

“Are you scared, Mr. D?” she asked. “Are you… too much of a nice guy for this?”

The fuck I am. 

I grabbed her head and kissed her, her tongue going down my throat as she wrapped her cold fingers around my warm, throbbing cock. 

I don’t know what was going down there… I mean I do know obviously, but the way Dana was moving her hand and fingers this time almost made me cum on the spot. She did in fact spice things up, so I guess I could do was return the favour... in my own personal way.

I sat back normally and spread my legs wide, my cock still being massaged, and ripped a loud, vibrating fart, a loud blast that made the entire vehicle shake. A quick 5 seconds rip which, weirdly enough, made Dana moan as she listened to it.

“You’re such a pig.” she scolded me, now literally strangling my cock, so much so that that I actually felt a bit of pain.

And I was loving the fuck out of that.

I saw a car passing by but the thought of them noticing us only made me harder.

I then ripped another big fart, because I’m the master of this shit. I could feel the vibrations of this one even on Dana’s hand as she jerked me off, something that she seemed to enjoy.

All of this was disgusting and yet we found it hot as fuck.

My girlfriend was as thirsty I was and finally managed to pull my cock out of my jeans.

“Oh there it is.” she said, leaning down to give it a quick lick. "Let me have it."

Not the first time we do this stuff obviously, but dammit that one move was indeed a dirty one. Pre-cum dripped down from the tip of my penis as I ripped another monstrous fart, the warm gas fogging up the car's windows. I was hot-boxing that whole place and my girlfriend didn’t care; instead she once again slipped her tongue down my throat.

“Time to sleep, pig.” she then whispered right into my hear, right before biting it.

After that, she strongly tightened her grip on my cock and then twisted it. I clenched my teeth as that happened, but the arousal that it gave me was insane.

That final move made me cum, a white fountain appearing between my legs as Dana bit my ear again. 

That was quick… for my standards at least, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. Actually, she was a sweaty mess herself. She licked her lips and gave me a quick peck on my own.

“Try finding that on Google.” she said, as she sat back on her passenger seat.

As if the spirit of some femme fatale left her body, she turned to me and smiled, opening the car window by her side, now realizing how terrible my gas was.

“Yeah, fuck Google, ammirite?” literally the most unsexy thing I could have said.

She handed me some napkins to clean the mess. And a cigarette, which we shared.

“Still cold?” Dana asked me, once again giving me a certain look.

I started the car in response, then I turned to her, looking straight into her brown eyes. 

I let out a loud, muffled fart that shook the seat, narrowing my eyes as I pushed it out. It was warm, it was vibrating through my jeans-clad ass. I winked at my girlfriend as the thunder kept going, something that she, against all odds, seemed to appreciate.

12 seconds, then my ass went silent.

“Are you?” I asked back to her, with a smirk.

The End

[shortpplfedup]

Rewatched the episode to organise my thoughts and I really wanted to share my understanding of the emotional journey Pat is going through this ep. I do feel, like @lurkingshan and @ginnymoonbeam in particular have been saying to me, that Pat's journey is sliiiiiiightly harder to follow, and it hinges on the conversation on two levels that he and Jeng have near the middle of the ep (which, more on that in a moment). Like always, this ep could have used a little nip/tuck, and maybe a montage to show the passage of time, but I'd like to present to you...

PAT'S EPISODE 9 EMOTIONS: A STORY

First movement: absolute cringe, totally embarrassed. He was drunk and weeping, hanging off his boss who had to answer his MOM's phone call and get him home. Said boss is also gay which...we're not processing that right now because it adds an entirely new cringe level.

Second movement: starts to think about the fact that JENG IS GAY AND ONLY JUST TOLD HIM which feels like maybe Jeng has been laughing at him a bit and messing him about. Because he thought they were bonding somewhat all this time but Jeng didn't share this when he knows Pat is also gay. Shoves the stuffie in the drawer because he feels betrayed.

Third movement: Here is where things get wibbly because time is clearly passing between the day after the bar and the day Pat's dad shows up, but we don't really understand how much. Pat is actively avoiding Jeng. Jeng is asking Chot where he is, Pat is taking (multiple?) days off...but no idea of when this falls in the timeline so hard to follow the throughline.

Fourth movement: Pat is back at work and clearly DEEP in his feelings, he has been stewing over this for who knows how long at this point (feels more weeks than days or months). Chot is noticing (and likely misunderstanding the source of the churn as a lovers' tiff rather than a not-lovers' tiff). He thought he wouldn't have to see Jeng because Chot is standing in for him at the screening but Jeng shows up and he kind of panics. So he's feeling embarrassed, a little betrayed and like Jeng has been toying with him.

Fifth movement: This is where they have the convo on two levels. I say that because Pat was clearly saying one thing while Jeng was hearing another. Pat is saying: 'stop doing these things because I can't say no when you're sweet to me.' Jeng is hearing: 'stop doing these things because I can't say no when you are my boss.' The language is deliberately vague, and the idea of two meanings could get lost, but the show makes it clear in the two follow up scenes where Jeng and Pat have separate vents about what's happening. Jeng is crying to Jaab that Pat only sees him as a coworker, while Pat is fuming to Jen that Jeng is playing with his feelings. Pat said 'I don't want to misunderstand' and Jeng said 'you're not misunderstanding' and Pat said 'no I must be misunderstanding because it don't even make sense, so leave me alone please.'

Sixth movement: Pat exposits those feelings of being toyed with to Jen, who is like 'solidarity sister, these brothers be doing that.'

Seventh movement: Chot tells Pat Jeng is quitting and that's when Pat starts to realise that maybe the man was Not Fucking Around, but the WHY ME? is strong because Pat is aware that Jeng is An Adult and he is The Hot Mess Express. Then the man plans him a damn birthday celebration but stays away like he asked.

Eighth movement: At this point, Pat is the SpongeBob crab meme. THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH HAPPENING AND HE CANNOT PROCESS IT HE HAS SOMEHOW GOTTEN LOST IN THE SAUCE. He breaks the fuck down and cries to his mommy and daddy, because it's all too much.

Ninth movement: Pat experiences the miracle of birth up close and fucking personal and like many of us cannot believe that a human can actually do that and what the fuck is he actually caught up about. His good sis MADE A PERSON IN THE STREET and then posted it on Instagram like it was light work, and he is skressed because a gay man likes him, another gay man.

Tenth movement: And then Pat gets home and said gay man has sent him a BOX of snacks just because he said he liked them once, and then sends him a text that basically says 'I LIKE YOU DUMMY, SO MUCH, BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU.'

Look, all I'm saying is my man Pat went on a journey ok?

[sandbees]

I don't know if you open, but I love. No. I adore your house of mouse au, I've seen most of it but I wonder, what if the ob gang see Yuu and the great seven chatting then Yuu saw them, pull them and say 'this is the guy I told you back then', now I probably already read one of ask that contain this, but I wanna see only overblot's first reaction that probably quite fascinating

:0 alright!

It's already been a few months since Yuu has introduced their friends to the House of Mouse. Honestly, they were fine with that, until there was a planned Dorm Leader meeting. Sadly, their usual spot was taken by the teachers for another meeting, but hey, the House of Mouse is always there! So Yuu invites them for a meeting.

Thankfully, Mickey was glad to give Yuu time off ("I wouldn't want you to be focused on work all the time! It's important to keep your social life back at home healthy. Enjoy the show! :)")

So, they wait for the other Dorm Leaders before they take them to their mirror upstairs.

Kalim: Oh! Are we having a sleepover!?

Yuu: No, we're going to my workplace. They're giving me time off so we can have a meeting and enjoy their performances!

Riddle: Well, as long as it doesn't distract us from the meeting...Why are we even in your room to begin with? Yuu: 'Cause we can't get in without using my mirror, duh. *Pushes Idia into the mirror*

Idia: WHY ME-

They go through the mirror, and the others are pretty impressed with Yuu's personal dressing room.

Yuu: Yeah, my boss is the best :). Oh, btw, don't be surprised to see the Great Seven.

Azul: Hahaha, WHAT?

As they walk out, Minnie personally greets them and leads them to a table. Goofy comes by a minute later and takes all of their orders. As they wait for their orders to come, Yuu gauges everyone's reactions.

Azul is, unsurprisingly, writing things down, muttering about "new ideas for Mostro Lounge. Kalim is looking around the whole dining room, his eyes sparkling. Riddle and Vil are talking quietly, commenting on the decor. Idia was grossed in his video game he brought, glancing at anyone who passed by the table. Leona was messing with the center piece, looking absolutely bored. And Malleus just looked happy to be there.

The meeting went well, actually. With a lively atmosphere, the Dorm Leaders were able to have some productive conversations. Yuu was especially happy to be included in future events run by the Dorms. There were a few interruptions, though.

Of course, it was pure coincidence that the Great Seven were also having a get together. But the oddest thing was that THEY WERE AT THE TABLE NEXT TO THEM??? If that isn't planned idk what is. Yuu introduced the gang to one another.

Riddle is all red in the face, probably very embarrassed to meet the Queen of Hearts. He certainly didn't expect to meet her in person! Though she's pretty impressed by him. He knows all 810 rules by heart. What a good Dorm Leader, remembering all the ruels and making sure the rest remember them!

Leona and Scar didn't talk to each other at first, but when the topic of siblings came around, YOU BET THAT THEY WERE TALKING SHIT. Honestly the funniest thing for them to realize this and begin gossiping about the dumbest things people have done in front of them. It's very sweet to watch them vent out their frustrations to each other.

Ursula talking with Azul and giving him tips on how to blackmail convice people to sign his contracts. Maybe even answer his questions about herself or giving him ideas for his business. A magic item made by the Sea Witch herself? For a price, of course~

Honestly, I can only see Jafar tolerate Kalim at best. He sees Kalim as a foolish kid. Though maybe Jafar slightly warms up to him??? Yuu is probably the one to mediate between the two, honestly.

VIL AND QUEEN GOSSIPING ABOUT BEAUTY TIPS. VIL WOULD TOTALLY TELL HER ABOUT MODERN BEAUTY TIPS. They would be the mean girls of the group tbh. I think Queen would also give tips on being a better leader, because despite her vanity, she was probably a good ruler if the kingdom didn't go to hell in the movie.

Idia would 100% be dying inside at Hades' extrovertness. Hades would be very excited to learn more about his dorm honestly. (Wait no Hades would joke about them being related, and Idia would sink into his seat further). The conversation was awkward until Hades asked about the video game Idia brought. Idia would not SHUT UP ABOUT IT-

Malleus and Maleficent would have a lovely chat over teas and biscuts that they ordered. Maleficent would 100% give Malleus any and all advice she had gained over the years. (Maybe advise Malleus to snag Yuu before anyone else got them). They would totally have conversations about the use of gargoyles and how spot a wild one.

It's getting late at night, and the meeting was over, but Yuu convinced everyone to stay. The show began, and it was one of the best Yuu's seen in awhile (to be fair, most of the shows were sabotaged by Pete, which they helped stop).

The night ended with a bang, and all the Dorm Leaders agreed to hold another meeting at the House of Mouse some time in the future.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Calum flying you out to one of the Europe shows bc he knew you always wanted to visit that country

Hi Blanca! Thanks for the request. We're going with Spain because I'm a nerd and they have the longest break after that show with the 5 seconds of Summer show.

Gender Neutral Reader Insert. Fluff--so much of it.

____________

Requests are now closed. Finishing up the last one from yesterday

Feel free to look through my masterlist for more.

_______________

Calum knows it’s ridiculous, but he does it because you like it this way--a hard copy backup of the flight information in addition to the app on your phone. He could call it overkill, but he’s not going to do that. Because it makes traveling easier for you. So he digs out the stapler from your desk and staples the pages together. 

Calum listens, catching the crackle of your phone from the kitchen. It cuts over the hum of the stove vent. “No, my toes are not food,” you laugh. No doubt it’s Duke at your feet as you cook. You’ve insisted on this break during the tour to spoil Calum. He’s just glad that his outfits are by no means tight fitting so he can enjoy every single thing with which you spoil him. 

Calum shuffles up from the offices to the kitchen. He keeps the itinerary at his side. He knows you may be a little annoyed at first. But he had the number to your boss’s line for a reason. And though this might not be for the reasons that he had it--mostly in case you got sick or godforbid injured--Calum’s sure that once you find out the location of the destination any annoyance you have will disappear.

“Smells good up here,” Calum comments, peering into the kitchen. 

You smile up at him. “It’s your favorite. And I could be a smidge quicker but Duke’s annoyed he’s not being fed right now.”

Calum laughs, knowing the old man is pretty fond of his schedule. Calum’s arrival was a small interruption and Duke will not let himself be ignored. “I’ll get it for him. But in the meantime, you should probably get packing.” Calum’s careful to put the flight itinerary on the fridge out of the way of the hot stove or the mess on the counter that he’s sure is tomato juice from your previous chopping.

“Packing? Why would I be packing?” you ask, giving the pot a good stir. A few more bubbles are popping up and you know soon you’ll need to turn the heat down. 

You spin to catch the paper Calum’s tacked up. The cabinets with Duke’s food squeak open. You’ve put all that you can think of on the hinges and nothing gets rid of the noise entirely. You read over the details--noticing you’re flying on what will be the date of the Lisbon show but going into Madrid instead--directly. 

“Cal, what the absolute hell is this? What am I reading?” you ask, a little concerned that you hadn’t seen this coming. Though, maybe you should’ve. Your boss normally had a standing 1:1 with you on Tuesdays but the one for next week had seemingly disappeared. Your plan was to ask about that on Monday, but this seemed to be the reason why the date was no longer showing up on your calendar.  

Calum presses a kiss on your cheek, arms winding around your waist. “A trip to Spain. Because you said you’ve always wanted to go.”

“Looks like a trip to Milan too? Just flouncing me around everywhere?” You laugh, turning back to look at him as best as you can. You can’t get more than a glimpse but Calum’s laughter is soft over your cheek. 

“I like to spoil you too. Besides, you haven’t taken a vacation outside the one we took what? Two years ago. I know you don’t like to take time off unless necessary, but I think you’d benefit from just a few days ago, baby. You know what they say about all work and no play.”

You snort, tapping at Calum’s stomach with your elbow. He releases you and you spin towards the stove to turn the burner down. “I’m just so used to sort of holding things down while you’re gone, you know? You’re gone for big chunks when you do leave that I just don’t think about myself? Not in a bad way. I don’t blame you. I just do what’s gotta be done.”

“I understand that. Just want you to have some time to enjoy yourself. Get out there, explore the world with me because I know you want to do that too.”

You do want that too. You want to not feel chained to your work and responsibilities, but letting go is hard sometimes. Maybe a surprise trip wouldn’t be all that bad. “Have you planned who’s taking Duke?”

Calum nods. “Yes, they’re free and able to watch him. Plants will be watered too. Got someone who will check the house too.” This is how your brain works. You need a plan, clear and concise of what’s happening. Calum can give you that, so he takes your hips in his hands to get your attention back to him. When you look up at him, he kisses your forehead before continuing, “Car’s will get you from here and one will pick you up at the airport. You’ll be getting to the hotel before us as we’ll be getting in late that night and you’re landing about late afternoon, but the hotel knows we’re in the same room. Duke’s getting picked up the day before. I’ve already emailed over the instructions though it’s not really necessary. Spare key’s already in the box and they have the code should they need to get inside for anything.”

A plan. A good one. You nod. “And what am I supposed to do for the few hours that you’re off in another country playing a show? Hmm? Mister-I’ve-Got-All-This-Planned.”

Calum laughs. “Plan what we’ll do with my days off. Explore. Send me pictures of all the shops you’re doing to drag me.”

Your gaze narrows, a playful smirk lifting your lips. “Goddamn you know me so well.” Stretching upwards, you capture his lips in a kiss. His cheeks squish a little in your grasps. “Thank you for planning this, baby. I appreciate it.”

“With honor,” Calum mumbles. “Your boss was very shocked to get a message from me though and I had to swear like fifteen times you weren’t sick or dead.”

You laugh. “Sounds like Tom. I think he gets freaked out even more so when I take time because it’s usually always super serious. Like the time we had to spend the night in the hospital thanks to my food allergies.”

“Yeah, no, we’re never eating at the restaurant again and I need you to not bring up the night I’ve ever seen you in such rough shape. You looked like a balloon. I was so scared.”

It was not a glorious night. You’d noticed an itchy throat after you ate dinner, but hadn’t thought anything of it as the spring blossoms had also been giving you issues lately. But when you woke up, hot and itchy, you felt something was wrong. You couldn’t halfway swallow and the bathroom lights revealed the hives across your chest and arms. You knew immediately that it was an allergic reaction and woke Calum. His panic was immediate but he calmed down enough to administer your epipen considering you hadn’t been able to do it yourself. 

The drive to the hospital was tense as Calum sped through a couple red lights. But you spent only a few minutes before you got checked in. An hour and a half of steroids and antihistamines rectified the situation but Calum was putting in the submission for the day off and emailing your boss on your behalf the second you got back to the house.

You pat Calum’s chest, before turning back to the dinner you’re preparing. “I know, baby. You didn’t like it and neither did I. I’m a-okay now though.”

“I got your epipen refilled too by the way. Please bring the new one for me?”

“Scouts honor,” you return. “Wouldn’t dream of leaving that thing behind.”

 “Good, good. But this weekend, you’re packing. Because you’re going on a trip. No ifs, no ands, no buts.”

“I’ll pack, no ifs, no ands, no buts,” you laugh, pulling the garlic knots from the oven. They’re a perfect shade of brown and you know they’re done. Calum brings the mats closer so you can set the hot tray down. 

“Oh, these look fucking amazing,” Calum gravels at the sight. “I’m so goddamn lucky to be loved by you.”

“Damn straight you are,” you laugh. 

*********

Your suitcase rolls next to you, catching just a little at the bumpy texture of the sidewalk. The black truck is paused right outside the house and the driver jogs to catch up to you. You only have a carry-on suitcase and a backpack. Though you don’t travel often, you’ve helped Calum pack more than enough times to know the best ways to get tuck, roll, stuff and flatten all your needs into the smallest bag possible. It’s annoying to wait for checked baggage at times and for the few days you’ll be gone, you don’t feel the need to carry too much. 

“I can take that for you,” the driver greets, reaching out for the handle of the carry on. 

“Oh, uh, sure,” you laugh. It’s not heavy at all, but you don’t want to interrupt the kindness. With your case loaded in, you slip into the backseat and the drive passes in light conversation. The sun’s just barely peeking out from the horizon and you’re grateful that it seems to be an easy trip into the airport. 

At your gate, with your shoes still untied, you snap a picture to send to Calum. You anticipate that it’ll go unanswered for a while. But to your surprise, a couple minutes later after you tie up your laces, your phone shakes. Please don’t…trip ;D. See you soon! You hate that you snicker so much at the text. Another text comes in a minute later, Love you too, baby. Can’t wait to explore with you.

Your reply is swift, Love you too. Already plotting something! 

I expect nothing less. 

The flight is uneventful, but a little long. You’re glad for boring though, allowing you to grab a few extra hours of sleep that had been interrupted by the early morning flight. Spotting the car for you is easy--there’s a sign and flowers. Only Calum would ever do such a thing. But you sheepishly close the gap and introduce yourself as the person on the sign. 

The driver smiles, an accent painting their words, but they seem cheerful. “Welcome to Spain! I’ve heard it’s your first time.”

You nod. “If you have any suggestions on things to do, please do tell.”

“Oh, you’re very much in luck; born and raised here.” The drive to the hotel is filled with suggestions and places to check out. They’re suggesting both tourists' needs and spots that only locals are familiar with. Your notes app is littered with names, some misspelled, but you’re beyond grateful to have their perspectives. 

At the front of the hotel, you thank the driver yet again, profusely for the list. “Oh, you’re beyond welcome. Enjoy your trip!”

With your backpack, luggage and the flowers, you juggle your way into the lobby. At the front desk, you’re greeted with a bright smile and you manage to get your keys with ease. The room is cool as you’re already anticipating. The day of travel is catching up and you’re getting hungry. You look to see what’s close around you and decide to set out on foot. It’ll be a nice way to waste a little bit of time. Maybe you can scope out what’s close by to do as well. 

You find a little cafe close by--one actually being one that’s on your list from your driver. It looks cute and quaint with a patio for you to eat on. As you settle down, you snap a picture of your items. Safe and eating some food. Thanks for the flowers <3. 

Throughout the day, as you stumble across various shops and things, you snap a picture and send it to Calum. Your list of things to do with Calum narrows down a little as you realize some things are just for you really. You’ll share what you can with Calum, but you know that he’s going to want to take a much chill approach to the day than you. You’ll do a bit more with the time you do have so that way the time you have with Calum can be about enjoying each other’s company. 

As you wander, a park opens up in front of you. You’re thankful as you settle in a little deeper that you have a strong sense of direction. Perhaps, you’ll just take a minute to sit here, watch some people. It happens to be a beautiful day and you’re grateful for the good weather as you settle down near a fountain to take in the sight unfolding around you.  Most people are just passing through it seems. But you spot some sitting, chatting animatedly. 

God, I’m so jealous. Can we visit again together? Looks beautiful, Calum responds to one of the pictures from the park. 

You’d expect him to be performing at the very least by now, but you’re not entirely sure of the time difference. You’ve snuggle into the sheets, with the TV on in front of you. Definitely we can, you reply. 

As the night continues on, you can hear the streets coming alive. You’re not shocked as you’ve heard the night life goes long and hard in Spain. You’d want to join, but you have the second key to the room and you need to be here when Calum arrives. Also, the long flight today has gotten to you so you’re not sure if you’d have the energy to continue on anyway. But the TV and the laughter below start to blur together as your eyes drop and drop. 

A knock rings out through the room and you snap awake. It takes a moment to unravel yourself from the sheets, but once you do, you scurry over to the door. Through the little peephole you catch Calum’s buzzed head and swing the door open.  “Hi baby,” he smiles.

“Cal, hi,” you return, throwing yourself up into his arms. The hug is warm and tight--a feeling that follows you as you fall asleep that night wrapped in Calum’s embrace. 

The morning is a little slow--a lot of gentle kisses and soft tufts of laughter, but you finally unravel yourselves from the bed to do some light exploring before the car collects the entire group to head to the venue. In the excursions, you try to point out where you went yesterday and where you want to go tomorrow after the show. Calum’s input is relatively minimal and though you make sure he’s not being left out, he just shrugs, “Whatever you want babe.”

“You say that now, but just you wait,” you laugh after a sip of your coffee. “I don’t want a peep come tomorrow then,” you laugh. 

“Scouts honor,” Calum returns. “But, there’s something happening in the evening that the guys want to do.”

“What time?”

“Around 7 or so, I think. Think we’ll make it?”

You nod. “Absolutely, we can.”

Calum grins around his bite of fruit. “Sweet.”

The show goes off without a hitch--the whole day between soundcheck and getting ready for the show also passed with ease too. You’re excited that a few older songs make their way into the setlist, but don’t really take much of your sight off Calum. He bounces around the stage, a smile that hardly leaves his face. The sight makes your chest warm--knowing that he’s enjoying himself. It’s a feeling that you find yourself in often--a sense of calm knowing Calum’s happy with his life, knowing that you’re happy with it too. But you don’t take these moments of clarity for granted, when you get to see just how blessed your life is, you like to do your best to hold them to your chest, pressed into your ribs. 

“I like seeing you happy,” you whisper to Calum that night, straddled over his waist. Your fingers trace the ink decorating his chest. 

“I like seeing you happy too,” he whispers in return. His hands squeeze just a little at your thighs, as if to reassure you of the sentiment. 

That’s all the moment needs, content now to just trace shapes onto his body. Calum seems content too, eyes slotting close at your touch. You imagine all the adrenaline is leaving now. The effort of the shows catching back up with him. Before you can even think about it, the words are falling over your lips in a prayer, “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in/ my heart) i’m never without it(anywhere/ i go you go, my dear).”

In your mind’s eyes, you can see Calum’s handwriting in the margins of the page, an arrow detailed to the lines that are bracketed, us--you’ve seen the world even if you didn’t know it. i’ve never left home, even if i don’t know it. 

You can feel the gaze behind you, as you peer up at the sculpture in front of you. You know it’s Calum behind the cap. The glasses he’s dawned make his face look softer but somehow the lenses seem to magnify his eyes. You can see the blinks, watch his eyes widen when you catch him staring. 

“You’re supposed to be paying attention to the art,” you whisper. 

“I am,” he shrugs. “It’s an added benefit that I can touch the art I’m looking at.” Calum wiggles his eyebrows at you. 

“It’s still going to cost you and I’m not cheap,” you retort. 

“I think I’ll be able to afford the cost.”

“Just don’t misbehave in the cathedral. I do not need the saints to come alive and smite you.”

Calum laughs, taking your hand. “What a way to go am I right?”

“No, sir, you’re very much wrong,” you huff, following him into the next room. Your lunch is spent settled into a park--not the one you showed to Calum in the pictures, but thankfully there’s another good one close to where you two are. 

Under the clear skies, you and Calum work over your servings of patatas bravas. Though it did take a little translation via your phones to make sure none of the items were one you were allergic too. Your pen’s in Calum’s coat pocket, but it’s not a risk the two of you want to take. As you chase some of the sauce so it doesn’t land on your pants, you are tentative in trying to decide if you like it or not. Though with a couple more bites, you decide that it’s a dish you very much enjoy. Though with the basics, you think it would be hard to not love fried potatoes. 

Just as the sky gets a little more pinkish in hue, you and Calum find yourselves in a ride. You rest your head on Calum’s shoulder. “The guys are meeting us there right?” you ask knowing that Calum’s the one coordinating with them. 

“Yep, I think they might be there already. They were just a little closer than us.”

Your hum’s the last sound of the room before you pass thanks to the driver. As you step out you notice something floating up into the sky--yellow and red. “Is-is that a hot air balloon?” you question. 

“M-maybe,” Calum returns. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t notice that.”

“Are you taking me in a fucking hot air balloon?” you gape. It’s not fear though your heart rate does spike at the thought of being so high up in just a basket. 

“Maybe,” Calum answers again. “It’s a yes if you’re not mad.”

You laugh, taking Calum’s hand. “No, not mad. A little nervous, but do you know how cool I’ll be when I go back to work and say I’ve been in a fucking hot air balloon?”

“So cool,” Calum laughs. 

It’s scary at first, as the guide walks through the safety procedures. It’s the entire band plus you in one basket, but you’re all spread out so the weight is a bit more even. Michael let’s out a little shriek it lifts off the ground. “Holy shit,” he laughs. 

Ashton pats his back, but it’s much easier to not look directly down. If you keep your gaze and eyeline straight ahead it’s a little less scary. You don’t feel like you might plummet. Your hand is tight around Calum’s but he doesn’t complain once about the grip. His thumb soothes over the skin on the back of your hand. “Just breathe for me, baby,” he encourages. 

“If our tour manager finds out about this,” Luke laughs from the otherside of the balloon. You know there’s concerns about their safety at the forefront and also worry about the tour. But you can’t help but laugh that Luke’s first concern is about getting caught. 

“Don’t spill the beans then,” you return. 

“Touché,” Luke laughs. 

When your nerves settle, thanks to the steady climb with no issues, you can actually pick out parts of the landscape--the mountains, the city below you. It’s a gorgeous sight and your own awe bubbles up your chest in a round of laughter. “This is so insane,” you whisper to Calum. 

The corner of his eyes crinkle with his smile. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

“Thanks for bringing me along.” 

“Wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else,” Calum returns, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

As you watch the expanse beneath you, the horizon that is endless, the trees that look like you could pluck them if you reached out, you’re amazed at how big the world is and how small you are in it. Yet, you don’t feel meaningless in all of the vastness. You’re still a piece of the puzzle--small, but not insignificant. You’ve got a place even if it’s just being a good human in all the madness of the world.  Even if it’s just to love and have been loved in the grand scheme of everything. 

“Look,” Calum offers softly, noticing what appears to be deer clustered together. It’s a little hard to tell from the height, but Calum would hazard that to be the animal. 

You laugh when you spot the cluster. “They look so tiny.”

“Yeah, a little bit they do.” Calum watches your pre-occupation, gaze floating around at the earth beneath you. With the tiny distraction, he reaches into his pocket and digs out the little box. His hands tremble just a little. But when you bring hand to your lips, he knows it’s you attempting to bring comfort. 

“Can-can you hold this for me?” Calum ask, holding out the box. 

“Yeah,” you start to answer without really thinking. But when you feel the shape and the soft texture, you look down at what it’s in your hands. This is not what you think it is. It’s not. It can’t be. 

“Holy fuck,” you hear from your side and look to spot Michael with his eyes wide. 

Calum clears his throat. “I know there’s probably a much smoother way to go about it. But I wanted to say that the time I’ve spent with you has been the most amazing. I could never conjure up someone better to spend the rest of my life with.”

Your can’t quite make Calum out with the blur of your tears until you blink and they clear. “Fuck,” you sigh out. 

Calum laughs. “Will you do the honor of letting me carry your heart with mine for the rest of our lives?” 

Time freezes, Calum swears. He waits, and waits, and the seconds feel like hours. He doesn’t think you’re going to say no. You’ve talked about getting married, knowing it’s a thing you both want. You’d even told Calum you wanted something small and intimate, but know that if Calum’s asking it would be okay to find a way to have the guys there as moral support. The conversations about marriage weren’t immediate, but they weren’t about a far off future. It was a tangible goal--though the two of you had mentioned that waiting for a quiet moment with the band would probably be for the best. So, no, Calum’s not scared you’re going to say no. He never anticipated that he’d ever shock you. 

“Scouts’ honor you’re not bullshitting me?” you ask, a small lump raising in your throat. 

“Scouts’ honor I’m not bullshitting you.”

“I’m nonrefundable,” you laugh and capture his lips in a kiss. Calum laughs into the kiss, but knows it’s a yes. When you break away, Calum slips the ring--a gold band with what looks like a rope pattern etched into the metal--onto your ring finger. 

You watch the sun catch the jewelry too--a glint passing over your eye and feel a squeeze in your chest, pressing at your ribs. You reach up and kiss Calum again as the guys erupt into cheers. Even the person conducting the hot air balloon cheers as well. 

When the balloon touches down again, the guys rush you and Calum in a group hug, laughing. “I swear he wasn’t going to do it. I thought he was going to wait for dinner later,” Ashton giggles. “Swear I was going to have to kick him in the ass to do it.”

You laugh, but when you look over to Calum you can see the sort of toll that asking too. You wind your arm around his waist. “Worried?”

“I was so scared I’d drop the ring from the balloon,” Calum admits with a laugh. 

“Oh, that would’ve been awful, but I would’ve still said yes.”

“Oh, you didn’t even say yes,” Calum howls. “You said, ‘I’m nonrefundable.’”

“Basically the same thing,” you laugh. “I mean at least from me, it is. But you didn’t drop the ring. It’s a win-win.”

“Imagine when you go back to work and you tell them about the hot air balloon and a proposal. You’ll be the coolest one in the office for at least three months.”

“Six months,” Michael tosses in.

You nod at the correction. “That part. Thank you, Calum. Couldn’t have asked for a better trip to Spain with my now future husband.”

Calum giggles. “Husband has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Oh, absolutely it does.”

[ryker-writes]

hello ! how are you ? well if you dont mind, please vil schoenheit x reader (from ramshackle, she always had a crush on him but never tell him being afraid of being rejected), we all know that vil can be mean but we still love him, the reader is very kind and always worried about him ( like she always try her best to make him feel better when he's not okay and feel loved, because he grow up with no mother, like a mother with her son having so much mercy on him), one day she'll looks at him with tears in her eyes, touching his face slowly then cries ( she always loved him and want to be in a relationship with him, but she's afraid of not being happy with him because sometimes he's mean, and arrogant, so she's lost inside not knowing what to do) and you can continue what will happend !! thank you and good luck !! ( the reader can be gender if you want i dont mind, sorry for my bad english >~< !!) 💕💖

heyo! I'm doing well thanks for asking! I'm very much enjoying writing requests. I enjoyed writing this! It's kind of soft moments with the TWST characters (especially one's like Vil) that I love. I was a little unsure of how to end it so sorry if it sounds awkward or Ooc. Anyway I hope I was able to do your request right and thank you so much for the request! <3

it was hard not to like Vil

he's very intelligent, talented, passionate, and hard working

not to mention his beauty

just looking at him is enough to take your breath away

but he had hundreds of fans who also saw this

and they wanted all of his attention

Vil was kind enough to give them plenty

he was always so nice to them

of course you liked Vil

he was always trying to help those around him look their best

Vil wanted to surround himself with people he deemed worthy

and that meant they had to look and act beautifully

he always was correcting others looks, language, and behavior

sure he could be mean about it sometimes and people often saw it as him bossing them around

but you always knew there was more to it than that

you knew that he simply strived for beauty in every aspect of his life and that included those around him

it was hard not to love Vil

very few get the opportunity to be alone with him

you considered yourself very lucky to be one of those people

it was getting late and almost time for the celebrity to rest for the night

he didn't say anything, but you could just feel that something was wrong

but when you asked he simply said nothing was wrong

a lie

you could tell

so even though he didn't tell you what was wrong, you reassured him that he could tell you if something was wrong

he just hummed and told you that you should probably be heading back to Ramshackle and he has to get ready for bed anyway

after all you shouldn't see Vil without his makeup and being less than perfect

he wouldn't want that to happen

but you just smiled at him

"You're already perfect without any of your makeup. Besides, your beauty goes beyond just your looks."

there was silence for a minute before he chuckled

"I suppose you're right. Thank you. You should be heading to bed though. Getting enough sleep will help your skin."

of course you loved Vil

but you would never tell him

you've seen how mean he can be to some people and he can really tear them down under the guise of helping them

Vil would never accept your love anyway

he had so many other fans that loved him, why would he choose you?

Vil had a rough day today, so naturally you were there for him

he had been standing in front of you and venting about all the trouble the first years caused

he was insulting all the first years as he talked

hearing him just absolutely tear into the first years had started something in your brain

would Vil talk about you like this if you did something wrong?

you love Vil, you truly do

but would you be able to take his insults day after day of being with him?

could you even be happy like that? being with the one you love but he treats you like that?

at some point Vil had stopped talking and was now fully facing you

he never liked being worried or stressed because it can cause wrinkles and acne, but there he was with a worried expression

you heard him ask why you were crying

you were crying? since when?

had your thoughts really driven you so far that you were crying in front of him?

he probably thinks of crying as an ugly thing right?

would he start insulting you here and now for doing something so ugly?

slowly, you reached out to cup his cheek

though you're not sure why you did so

he didn't push you away or try to stop you at all

he even leaned into your touch and sighed

"If you felt that strongly about the first years, you could have told me."

shaking your head you mumbled, "It's not that. I just..."

"You're tired of hearing me talk like this."

hesitantly you nodded

that may have been part of it, but he doesn't need to know the rest

he hummed, "I suppose I haven't been to kind lately. How horrible of me. You're too kind to me and I just stand here insulting everyone else."

gently, he set his hand atop yours and removed it from his face

his fingers intertwined with yours and he used his other hand to wipe the tears off your face

"This would be so much easier if you just confessed your feelings already."

w h a t

no really, what?

he knows????

how does he know?

was it obvious?

Vil seemed to sense your internal panic and chuckled

"I've had people fall in love with me before Darling. It's easy to recognize. I'm more surprised you haven't said anything. If you did then I'm sure all of this would be easier for you to talk about. So tell me, why haven't you?"

there was a moment of silence as you processed everything

once your brain had a moment to catch up, you told him

"I'm just a bit worried. You can be really mean sometimes, and I just...I don't know if I can handle that."

for a split second, he looked offended before sighing again

"I would never want to be mean or insult you, ever. You are the one person who doesn't need me to help with their appearance. Even I can't improve what's already perfect."

Of course, Vil loved you too

[crescentblossom66]

Character Analysis: Conductor and DJ Grooves

Before I start this analysis made out of reading too much into dialogue and overall being way too obsessed with chapter two of A Hat in Time, I want to clarify that I like both of the directors. Conductor is my favorite character in the whole game and DJ Grooves is another character that I enjoy (I agree with all of you DJ Grooves fans, that funky penguin isn't getting enough content).

I also want to try to make people think about those two more and make them less one dimensional in their fan works. I understand that it is very easy to see DJ Grooves as just the charming underdog with absolutely no bad bone in his body, and Conductor as nothing more than a deranged lunatic. I hope I can inspire with this and draw some attention to these two lovingly crafted characters.

I'll split this analysis into 4 parts:

First impressions of the directors

Conductor, the deranged psycho...or not?

DJ Grooves, charming or cunning?

Final Thoughts

1. First impressions of the directors

We first meet the two quarreling directors in Chapter two act 1. As soon as we enter the lobby of the huge building that we'll later know as Dead Bird Studio, we bare witness to an argument between the Sci-fi and musical making penguin, DJ Grooves, and Conductor, a strange-looking owl thing that makes Westerns. The first thing every player will notice is that both characters seem to act very differently to the whole argument. While the yellow owl stomps his foot in anger and seems very aggressive, his rival seems to not be too fazed by the whole argument, simply dancing and more or less ignoring the allegations and insults the other throws his way.

In the very first scene we learn that the DJ appears to be rather calm and collected, while his counterpart comes of as rather aggressive and downright vindictive, given that he locks the penguins into their side of the studio.

Those first impressions get strengthened even more if the player talks to the actors of the studio. The Express Owls appear very scared of their boss, the Conductor, informing the player that they're mere passengers on the train that the Western director operates, they also state that he makes unexpected stops and caused them to be late for their work and that they get randomly dragged into filming movies. The Moon Penguins on the other hand seem to idolize their boss, DJ Grooves, they even have a fan club in his honor. Those flipper-snapping birds also seem to be very hostile toward new people seeing the player as a threat for their idol and are rather rude to Hat Kid.

When the player makes their way through the vent to enter the studio itself, the interactions that the DJ has with his penguins are all pretty friendly, he encourages them and is pretty calm when his actors make mistakes during recording, even when the player disrupts the recording by jumping in front of the cameras, the former DJ seems to only act confused and just continues on with his filming.

The Conductor on the other hand yells at his actors nonstop, voicing his frustrations clearly, calling his actors lousy and terrible when they make mistakes. Unlike his rival, the yellow owl doesn't take kindly to his recording being disrupted and he yells and gets even angrier whenever the player decides to jump in front of his cameras.

All of this just reaffirms the impressions we had of the characters so far, and even the finale of the chapter only underlines this, as the penguin asks for our help with desperation, and even hands us a bird passport, while the owl wants to take us to jail for messing with the Annual Bird Movie Awards.

The player will come out of this drawing the conclusion that DJ Grooves is the underdog that needs help in beating his despicable rival, who seems to be a terrible person all around. As it is the nature of us humans, we want to see the lovable underdog win against the overconfident and cruel rival, as it is seen in most media.

The second act of chapter two, “Murder on the Owl Express”, takes us onto the beloved train of the Western director where we are greeted by said director on the small balcony at the back of the caboose. Nothing much will change for our perception of the character here. He seems to not care that he scared the owls and Hat Kid with a fake murder that the player will obviously notice as just a set up. He will once again remind us that he hates his rival's movies before we're given a time piece and go on our merry way back to the spaceship.

“Picture Perfect”, the third act of the chapter, brings us to a big set on the moon where the DJ greets us enthusiastically. He takes on a mentor role for Hat Kid as she tries to build her own fan base as she goes from endorsement to endorsement. We get once again remind that the DJ is the “good guy” of this story as the Moon Penguins around him are happy and upbeat as opposed to the tense Express Owls. This pleasant and colorful act also clashed hard with the more dreary and serious “Murder on the Owl Express” act that we went through earlier.

Things take a more drastic and extreme turn in the last two stages. In “Train Rush” the player will get told that there is a bomb on the train and they'll have to go and defuse it. It shows the lengths and extremes the Western director will go to just to get a few nice shots for his movies. His attitude toward Hat Kid is once again rather harsh and demeaning, as he blatantly states that he doesn't care for her or the owls, only his train seems of any concern to him. When the chapter is completed, he will brush aside the concerns of the young space traveler, telling her that all of this was done in the name of cinematography.

“The big Parade” also takes things to the extreme with electric floors and homing missiles. The DJ seems as pleasant as ever, informing the player that it will be easy and that all they have to do is walk around the place a bit which does little to prepare the player for the rather hazardous minutes ahead of them.

The final Chapter will be determined by whom the player chooses as the winner at the end of the four split chapters. If the player chooses the Conductor, things will remain like they were before, the Conductor will remain condescending toward Hat Kid and will even attempt to murder her, while the DJ will come to her rescue when he's needed the most. If the player chooses Grooves, however, things will take a twist, the DJ will betray the young girl and will fight her instead, and Conductor, very surprisingly, intervenes and saves the poor girl from certain doom.

If taken at first glance, it is pretty straight forward who the bad guy is supposed to be it's obviously the Conductor, right? He's a terrible person that treats everyone around him horribly, while DJ Grooves did absolutely nothing wrong and only tried his best to win all this time.

But is it really, dear reader? Is it really as clear-cut and black and white as that, I'll ask you? Is Conductor really an all around bad guy, as Mustache Girl would say, and is DJ Grooves really the uwu penguin that can't do any wrong like his Moon Penguins seem to view him as? Let's find out together.

2. Conductor, the deranged psycho...or not?

One of the crucial arguments people make when they talk about the narrative of story is that the Conductor is obviously a crazy, derange old man who cares about nothing and nobody aside from his movies and his train. It's easy therefore to shove him into the villain role, like the story portraits him, however, his character is a bit deeper than what people give him credit for.

The easiest way for me to explain this point is debunking or at least theorizing on a couple of questions to which the answers may be not as cut and dry as you may think. Those questions are:

Is the Conductor a cheater? Is he endangering his actors? Does he care about Hat Kid at all?

To answer the questions, we're going to look at it from the very beginning of the chapter again, starting with the first question, is the Conductor a cheater? In act one the Conductor accuses Hat Kid of rigging the awards in the favor of his rival, considering what his rival did as fraud and roping the young girl into helping him as well. He seems to have contempt for her as she disrupts the status quo, and the best course of action is to make sure that the odds are evened out again. Given that the owl is rather direct, straight forward, and quite honest, we can potentially see him as despising cheating. This can be further backed up as In chapter 6 he will mention that the DJ will mock him for cheating if word gets out that he cheated, this could imply that he never cheated before that, and thus the accusation that his rival based a lot of his argument on (Saying that he manipulated everything to make sure that he never wins, cheating, and fraud) could all just be illusions that the penguin made to justify that the yellow owl won every award except for one, and that the Western director never actually cheated and won his awards legitimately.

The second and bigger problem, and what is a lot harder to ignore is the question of whether or not he actually puts his actors into danger? I can already hear you facepalm and go “Duh! Have you actually PLAYED 'Train Rush'! That owl...thing is a psycho!” To which I will say “Method Acting” Regularly a technique used by actors to get into their roles by putting themselves into situations that the characters they're playing is in, in order to give a more convincing and expressive performance. The Conductor purposefully exposes the owls, and Hat Kid to the stressful situations and without telling them that they're recording to get better acting out of them.

This is confirmed when he tells Hat Kid that his script isn't ready in act 2, there he also says that he's not recording. We as the players know this whole scene is a set up, which is of course confirmed by the owl himself at the end of the act.

The owls seem just as clueless about it as the young space traveler, as they show fear and panic. (The only one clued in is the owl that plays dead, but none of the others know that he's pretending) This can of course be slightly debunked depending on the person or group you chose as the culprit. If you pick Hat Kid we don't know if she only picked herself just because, due to the owl simply saying that she put a rubber knife on him, but we were with Hat Kid the whole time...I mean we're controlling her so we would have seen if she had done that to the owl. It makes it probable that she simply lied, Conductor's dramatic retelling of the events also makes that more unbelievable, making it likely that she had no idea that it was a set up and just picked herself on a whim to see what would happen

To summarize, no owls were harmed during “Murder on the Owl Express”

I know you've been waiting, tapping your foot at me impatiently considering that “Train Rush” is the bigger issue. I can already hear you typing. “THE CONDUCTOR LITERALLY TELLS US THAT THERE IS A BOMB!”

Yes, that bomb existed, and yes, I know about that, but the important question is yet again, was anyone harmed? Where those risks calculated? What if I told you...that they were.

The owls do mention that they have more explosives on the train, which is true, but those are all on carts where we don't see any owls being in. The owls are all in areas that are more or less safe and none of them appear to be harmed. Even the band plays as if nothing is wrong, further confirming that they knew that they'd be safe.

As you know, the Conductor is at the front of the train the ENTIRE time we see him after the announcement. (I have no idea how he got to the front all the way from the caboose without us noticing, game logic, I guess) He could have switched that bomb off at any time. We never actually see the bomb blow up even if the time runs out, we simply die as if killed by an enemy, so it neither confirms nor debunks that the bomb blew up. Not even in chapter 6 do we see the bomb ACTUALLY exploding.

So is he endangering his actors? Physically no, mentally and emotionally, yes. His actions here still make it clear that he only see the owls as a means to and end, which is winning the award. The amount of stress and trauma he forces the Express Owls through is just collateral to him.

The last point on this list is does he show care toward Hat Kid aside from the finale?

Too many people say the switch in personality that Conductor shows when he saves Hat Kid from the demented DJ comes out of nowhere, and they do not see the build up that happened across the two chapters that lead up to chapter 6. I understand that wholeheartedly, because that build up is extremely subtle. It is very easy to go through both, chapter 2 and chapter 4, thinking that the yellow bird show no affection toward Hat Kid, especially when you consider that the DJ shows more affection for her in his chapters. The Conductor's shift in demeanor is very easy to miss. In act 1 the owl seems to dislike Hat Kid quite a lot for interfering, but there's two easily overlooked lines that show some growth.

I want you to look at those two pictures, the first is at the end of “Murder on the Owl Express”, while the second is taken at the end of “Train Rush”.

Do you see the slight switch in demeanor? The first one tells us that we should leave, but the line delivery even shows that he doesn't yell this time even if it has an exclamation mark. He speaks a bit more fondly of her in the second picture, saying that Hat Kid deserved the time piece instead of telling us to grab the supposed prop and scram.

I'm also going to briefly mention here that he still helps Hat Kid in chapter 5, and even apologizes for attempting to kill her (He tries at least, he's not very good at it) if he was chosen as the winner for the award. If he's the loser, he will express a bit of empathy for her for what his rival had put her through.

So, is the Conductor the good guy now? No...not by any means. He's still a very aggressive and competitive bird thing that doesn't value his actors too much and prioritizes his movies over everything. Some theories explain his behavior, but this analysis is based on what we actually see in game and theories and conclusions we can potentially draw from those facts. As it stands, he's very much still a bad person, but he has far more nuance when what people give him credit for, if you know where to look. I hope that my small analysis on him here has shown you that there is a potential for him to actually care about Hat Kid, and that the owl is just a tad bit kinder when he lets on.

3. DJ Grooves, charming or cunning?

Another thing that I and a few others hate to see is that people tend to view the charming and stylish former DJ as just the good guy that can't harm a fly, thus they think that Conductor winning, and the subsequent fight in which the DJ rescues us, makes more sense than if he back stabs the young girl he so affectionately calls his diva. Just like with his counterpart, there are a few things I have gripes with, but the ways in which the DJ is more twisted when he lets on are about as subtle as the ways in which the Conductor is kind.

Once again, we can ask a few questions to make it easier to understand where I'm coming from with this, those being: To what extend does DJ Grooves hate his rival? Is the DJ a manipulator?

I once again hear you guys typing a defense for the underrated costar of the second chapter of the game, telling me that the DJ never did anything wrong, that all he wanted to do was make good movies and defeat his angry and hostile rival once again. You may even say that the penguin doesn't really hate his rival all too much, seeing as he tries to stay mostly calm when talking to him...what you don't see is that he has a lot of contempt for the yellow bird, far more than he lets on.

When we first see him interact with his rival, he comes off as calm and collected, appearing to not take the argument too seriously. He takes a jab at the owl's struggles to come up with new ideas which leaves the yellow bird stunned for a moment. The fact that he know that his rival struggles with ideas and the fact he mentions it here is important, keep it in the back of your mind. The penguin seems to know exactly how to get under the other's skin and riles up the Conductor even more while he himself stays calm, he even dances during this whole exchange, showing how little it affects him.

The spite for his rival and his obsession with winning the award is a lot harder to see, and we only get a glimpse of it during act 6 itself if he's the winner were he makes it clear that he despises the owl, slandering his name even without the prove for it, and, if my own theory that I made earlier is true, that accusation has no leg to stand on.

The amount of vitriol in the voice of DJ Grooves (which is amazing by the way, kudos to the voice actor) shows just how frustrated and spiteful he really is, an amount of anger and hatred we've not heard from the penguin in any of his levels yet, is present. There is a few more instances other than this though that show his hatred for his rival and his obsession with winning the award.

These little newspaper clippings can be found in the basement of Dead Bird Studio and are placed on the wall outside of the trophy room. This room is situated right above the DJ's dressing room.

Conductor's is in a completely different area of the basement and not even adjacent to it, kind of making it questionable that the room belongs to Conductor like many people claim. There is a hallway, a room, and another hallway between his side of the studio and Grooves' side.

Also, why would he have a room above his rival's dressing room? But back to the posters. These poster show the Conductor in a bad light, the one on the top left seems to be an article on the Western director's first loss, while the one below that shows that something went wrong in his movies, saying that a “Calculated risk went horribly wrong”. It likely refers to the movie that cost the yellow owl award 42. It also isn't favorable for the yellow owl to be laughing at the misfortune of another bird, as the right clipping shows. All in all, those clips show embarrassing and more humbling moments of the owl, further proving that the room is Grooves', and that he hates his rival enough to remind himself that the strange yellow bird is far from perfect and in fact not untouchable. If that room really is Grooves, it shows an eerie obsession with winning, having over 200 plastic replica of the golden trophy, it shows just how far gone the penguin really is.

But it gets better, yes, dear reader, there's more, and this one can be completely missed if you pick the wrong character in a completely different act...and that act is “Murder on the Owl Express”!

You may be asking yourself “Huh? What does one of Conductor's acts have to do with DJ Grooves?” Well, the penguin mocks his rival not only in front of his whole crew...BUT IN FRONT OF HIS OWN AUDIENCE! I know pics or it didn't happen, so...here you go.

THIS is why I told you to listen when I said that he hated Conductor a lot more than he lets on, it may appear as him being friendly, but look at the context, he's helping his poor, idea-less, incompetent rival create a story line. Is that friendly or detrimental? I'll ask you! Keep this screenshot in mind, it will be relevant again.

Have I convinced you that the penguin, REALLY hates his rival now? That the amount of anger he feels might even justify him snapping if he hadn't already? That he hides insanity and hatred behind his fashionable shades. If not, stay tuned, there's more.

Now, let me shatter your view of the 'uwu, I'm incapable of doing anything wrong' penguin even more. Let's focus on another important factor in this whole story, the main character, Hat Kid. We get roped into helping the DJ after he pleads for Hat Kid's help, telling us that is penguins are terrible actors. No, I'm not saying that he hates the Moon Penguins, given that the story book “Groovy Underdog” exists. It makes it clear that he's frustrated with their acting, but still tries hard to make it work even with them being bad at their jobs.

What I have an issue with is that he manipulates Hat Kid into helping him, which is the very thing that prompts Conductor to accuse her of fraud. DJ Grooves simply spotted an opportunity to beat his rival and win the award, the goal was not to help Hat Kid become famous, he simply more or less cheated by dragging an outsider into their quarrel.

The second instance that shows that the DJ is amazing at manipulating those around him is in the first act we see him again, act 3 “Picture Perfect”. He demonstrates an uncanny ability to wrap the viewers at home around his flipper. Everyone on the moon seems to know him as he himself says that everyone knows his name, and it is backed up by the amount of followers Hat Kid gains after every endorsement.

The best example of this is when Hat Kid takes a page out of Conductor's colorful dictionary and uses the word “Peck” ,a swear word in the bird world. Here the DJ shows that he knows his audience rather well, explaining that swearing on TV would get him into trouble, he knows that his image could take a blow if Hat Kid says the wrong thing. He quickly sweeps the occurrence under the rug and tells the space traveler to scram.

The entirety of act 3 shows perfectly how amazing the DJ is at manipulating people to his advantage, even Hat Kid doesn't catch on to what he's actually doing. He's using Hat Kid's cute, childlike charm and likability to his advantage, this is backed up in act 1 where he refers to Hat Kid as an innocent soul with a heart of gold before dismissing her right BEFORE he gets the idea to use her for his own gain.

He continues to manipulate the public and even the player's impression of him by presenting himself as a charming mentor character to Hat Kid, and an overall likable funky fellow. It's all a facade, a charade put on by him to hide his desperation for the victory, show the player, Hat Kid and the public what they want, a charming director who can't do anything wrong at all.

The cracks show in “The Big Parade”, act 5 of the chapter. He explains to us and to Hat Kid, that the parade will be easy, that all she has to do was jump and run around the rooftops...with not a single line does he mention the dangers we're actually facing. Electric floors, homing missiles and carnage, all presented as a happy-go-lucky movie with nice effects and pleasant music.

The audience of the movie doesn't see the danger, the difficulty and the hazardous chaos that Hat Kid navigates through. They only see the pretty colors, the nice effects and the cheery music so out of place in this nightmare. The DJ either doesn't know that Hat Kid is in danger, which is unlikely, or he doesn't care. In “Train Rush” The Conductor blatantly tells us that there's a bomb and that were in danger of the whole train blowing up, here, the disco-loving director shows that he cares as little for Hat Kid's safety as the Conductor does, he just doesn't blatantly tell us.

To summarize, the DJ feigns to care for Hat Kid and only sees her as a means to an end, just like his, apparently seen as more evil, counterpart. Speaking of his counterpart, I told you to keep that screenshot in mind where Grooves “helps” the Conductor with his movie.

I mentioned that he ruins the reputation of his rival, but he also BOOSTS HIS! He even makes clear who is speaking! In the line before the screenshot I took, he announces to everyone in the room and the audience that will watch this movie that HE is here to help his poor rival. It not ONLY mocks the Conductor for his lack of ideas, but it might boost his own movies as he's seen as a generous and helpful guy by the audience of Conductor's movies.

Once again I'll ask, just how innocent is that penguin really? Can you STILL claim that his shift in demeanor is out of character, when everything he does can point to him being just as deranged as his rival if not more so. I think that I have at least given you some food for thought...Maybe you will look at this flashy disco penguin in a different way the next time you play his levels...and you'll see the cold and calculated show he puts on for the viewers.

4. Final Thoughts

I hope that I managed to convey that both the Conductor and DJ Grooves are far more nuanced and interesting when we give them credit for, that chapter 2 can be far more interesting and less black and white when what people say. I personally love both characters a lot. Don't go chasing me with pitchforks for ruining the character for you, it's okay if you want to see DJ Grooves as nice and a cinnamon roll, and Conductor as a cold-hearted bastard. Everything is up to interpretation which varies from person to person. All I tried to accomplish was give food for thought and maybe explain a little why DJ Grooves as the winner makes more sense when people realize.

I'm always up for discussing chapter 2, as it's my favorite. Thank you for reading and have a nice day or night! You're awesome!

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@majormeilani Here it is, you wanted me to tag you for this. I hope you liked it. Chapter 2 ftw!