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ladyanput · 3 years ago

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Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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Salt Taglist: @virgil-is-a-cutie @sidessunnybumblebee @persephonebutkore @18-fandoms-unite-08 @suzen23smith @luciferge @theelventhgod @noirdots @space--butterflies @ghostglaceon @magicalfirebird @goggles-mcgee @chocolate1721 @minightrose @bookcrazybby @cupcakeandkisses @mewwitch @adrestar

#ml salt #miraculous salt #alya salt #lila salt #marinette deserves better

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gangrenados · 4 years ago

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Could you do good things and bad things about datiang the Bat boys and Bruce? I ask you for bad things because relationships aren't perfect. Please

This is my first time ever writing for Bruce sooo pls be kind it has been a rough day

•First of all of them are vigilantes which means that they might have some issues separating his hero life with the normal one no matter how hard thet might try.

•They have seen the worst part of humanity and after you have witnessed those kind of horrors there's not turning back. Every imperfection in buildings, locations that have a questionable reputation and people who seem mightily suspicious will trigger their vigilante senses.

•what I'm trying to say here? They can get protective without even notice. After being the one in the line for to long you're afraid those you love might get hurt so you'll try your fucking best to prevent it, right?

Bruce Wayne

•Bruce has a hard time accepting the love and care of others, even if you have a long term relationship Bruce might be cold and distant towards you.

•He usually doesn't care about his scars since they're consequences of trying his best to help others, but when the time to get naked in front of you comes he's slightly worried you might get disgusted because they're too many.

•Bruce gets silent when you show him pure kind love, a gentle caress on his cheek will make him snap out.

•He'll stare at you without knowing what's the right thing to do, the only thing clear onnhis mind is that he wants this to keep going.

•Sometimes you wish you could wake up or fall asleep with Bruce beside you more often. It makes you feel forgotten. Bruce has tried to stay there when you wake up, even if that means rushing home to take off the suit, slip in the cover and pretend he's sleeping.

•Bruce can be pretty romantic when he wants to. He will take you to fancy places and bought you the most prettiest things in the world, Bruce will be comfortable in those situations, talking smoothly and secure since he's trying to put a little bit of his playboy persona into this to not ruin it.

•But silly things like cooking your favorite dessert or buying a pretty thing he saw nd know it will useful to you, will get him slightly flustered. The man is afraid he might fuck up.

•If you're a mere civilian then Bruce would be petty fucking protective of you, at the point that sometimes make you wonder if he's being paranoid.

•He will install a security system in your house and car, maybe a tracker too because you never know what criminals might do to the partner of Bruce Wayne.

I•t's hard for Bruce to express his emotions and talk about them, he feels like it makes him seem weaker. But when he opens up he will pour his heart into his words, maybe he wouldn't say much, but everything that came out from his mout he meant it with his soul.

•Your fights are horrible, it leaves you both broken and wondering if this gonna be the end. Bruce is too stubborn to back down and you don't want to be the one who goes to apologize first, so you'll end up treating each other with the cold shoulder.

•It's not the type to say "I love you" constantly, he reserves those words for important moments like when he has to go to a risky mission, your anniversary or he will blurt them out when he see you doing something adorable.

•Bruce is a mysterious man and that aspect is not going to change once they start dating. You will feel that he is hiding things from you, which is true, but it will take a lot of persuasion and confidence for him to tell you what is happening or why he does not tell you things.

•Much of his reason is that he thinks that if he doesn't say anything to you you may be safe and happy in ignorance, however, he also does not want to link his romance to his work.

•Connecting in an emotional way with Jason is hard and even when you're there he tends to close and keep a lot of things to himself.

Jason Todd

•Jason hates how being in touch with his emotions makes him more vulnerable, once they see the light there's nothing that can stop the overwhelming wave of feelings that comes to drown him.

•Once Jason becomes truly comfortable around you he will get clingy. He needs you in order to him feel alright, it's like you bring up a nice part of him he wasn't even aware of it was there.

•You're the nicest thing Jason has ever had so far and he's down to do anything to make you stay. He can stop being Red Hood and live a normal live, change his personality for one you like better, whatever you want in a man Jason can try to copy it, but please don't leave him.

•He's a really attentive and supportive boyfriend, this trait is driven by his need to prove you his total love and attention because that shows he's worthy of your love. But putting that aside, Jason truly cares about you.

•Jason is not really used to receive romantic affection so he might shy away sometimes when he becomes aware of what's going on. It's like his mind can't process that other person wants to be romantic with him.

•Jason can get really protective of you and this worsen a little bit more if you're a civilian who knows little to nothing about self defense.

•Jason is a cuddle monster, having you between his arms is soothing and lovable. He loves this little domestic things, but it's better if he's the one on top of you or hugging because he can get out of the touch easier.

•It's better to not fight with Jason, he's not going to hit you or anything, in fact he prefers to cut his own arm with a fork before landing a hand on you.

•However, he can say some mean and hurtful thigs because he wants to win the argument regardless of how bad the consequences might be.

•It might not look like it, but Jason loves to do the silly cheesy things with you.

•He will engulf you into a tight hug and then give a breathless kiss anytime he comes back from a long mission, having you to cook with him regardless if you know what you're doing just because he thought it would be cute, cuddling with you in the sofa and read a book or just watch a movie (Jason will fall asleep snuggled up to you because he feels safe)

•Jason has night terrors and he can turn pretty paranoid whe he just wake up from a nightmare, so it's better if you stand back for a moment until he calms down and realizes that nothing bad is happening.

•He keeps a gun close to him in case something happens and has night light because he can truly stand to have the whole bedroom in complete darkness, also he tends to keep you close to him when you're sleeping togheter because, even when Jason is asleep, he needs to know you're there.

Dick Grayson

•Dick is a sweet boyfriend, he's caring and charming to the point that sometimes you wonder if you're dating a prince.

•Dick's supportive of your interests and will cheer you up if he feels like you're lacking motivation. He will praise you and give you a compliment whenever he notices you did something good or when you go to tell him a good new.

•It's hard to have some alone time with him thanks to his busy schedule. Dick can't stay still, he needs to work and protect the city, because he cares about the others but also needs the action to live.

•Dick is a cheerful man, the occasions were he hits rock bottom are odd but they happen.

•And he tends to close himself to the world and drown in his own sorrows for a while. It's hard to see him like this and the worst part is that he doesn't want to ask for help until his mind is a little less darker.

•Dick is a really affective boyfriend, he will grab your head and pepper it with kisses as he says how much he loves it, also he has the habbit to put an arm around your shoulders or waist whenever you're walking together.

•Another thing he always do is pulling you back to the bed and put himself on top of you so you won't go.

•Dick would nuzzle his head in the crook of your neck and give it a kiss before going back to sleep.

•Dick is a man low-key scared of commitment, but will still idolize you.

•It's hard for him to settle down and decide for one thing, he will overthink everything and try to look at your current situation for every single angle possible, however, in his eyes you're a great person, sexy and just amazing.

•He might even twist everything and think you're already dating when nothing really has been confirmed.

•Okay so this one goes for his Titans version: I don't know why, but I feel that sometimes Dick can manipulate your needs and turn them into his own desires, to be more concrete emotional blackmail.

•He could do this unconsciously and without really wanting it, because once he realizes what he did he will feel very bad about himself, which would lead him to isolate himself from you for a while to think about everything he has done and then apologizing .

•It's hard for Dick to do so because being aware of what he has done to you, but he needs you to know he feels deeply fucking sorry and he understands if you want to broke up.

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quickspinner · 4 years ago

Text

S4E1 Truth Reactions

Just a reminder, you can filter #quickrants if you don’t want to see this kind of thing.

So...I’m not that upset. I think I’m in the minority here, but clearly my expectations were sufficiently low and I’m really mostly okay with it. I wanted one thing out of this episode, for them to not screw up Luka’s character, and I got that.

There’s a lot of things I’m not happy about, but all indications from early on were that they were going to break the ship up way sooner than we expected, so I kind of had time to make my peace with that. I just wanted them to keep Luka’s character intact, and for him and Marinette to part on good terms so that we can HC that they get together later when they are both more mature.

The things that I didn’t like were so typical that they didn’t even bother me that much:

Literally every character they could possibly shoehorn in saying “Marinette is in love with Adrien Agreste” (however, note, that while every other character was talking about Adrien, aside from that first convo, Marinette was not)

Adrien didn’t even show up and it was all about him, from the rambly confusion in Marinette’s bedroom, to Luka saying “hey, if you’re still in love with Adrien, I’ll understand.”

Chat Noir saying he would never force a secret from Ladybug when the entire episode Siren exists. I mean, regardless of how you feel about Chat’s behavior in that episode...he was trying to force the issue. If not from Ladybug, then to get Ladybug’s secret from Plagg, all without being akumatized.

The biggest issue I have with the episode is the way they shoehorned the Couffaine family drama into it, which meant that neither plot thread got the attention it needed/deserved, and as a result, they had to skip over a lot of stuff, and the entire narrative of the episode was choppy. Would it have been that hard to have a few episodes leading up to this where we saw Marinette ditching Luka on dates, instead of cramming it all into one montage of pain? And we’re really going to go from Jagged saying that he basically ditched his family for no good reason, into Luka hugging him and letting him be the dad-comforter at the end of the ep? AND WHAT ABOUT JULEKA? Does she just not count because she’s a girl and men only care about their sons? Astruc just doubled down on the twin thing on Twitter, but we’re not even going to address that at all?

That whole thing should have been dealt with in another episode; Luka could have found out in this one, and then we could have seen him approaching Jagged as a civilian later (maybe we’ll still see this, but I don’t have any faith it will happen) to work it all out.

I admit I kinda screamed when Anarka said it, though. I didn’t think they would ever confirm it on air. The way it was handled, though, ugh. Jagged really comes off like a deadbeat jerk and then he just, what? Gets forgiven for no reason? After he wrote a song called “My Guitar Is My Only Family”????

Also, the episode as a whole was visually really ugly, and Luka really got the worst of it. Like, yikes. I don’t know why they went full on Lord of the Rings with the special effects, either, can’t you make a character look shocked without inverting the entire background? Multiple times?

Side note: can I just say how hilarious I find it that Hawkmoth repaired the peacock Miraculous with a 50 cent pin back from Joanne’s and by saying “Repair yourself!” Just...so ridiculous.

There were a lot of things I liked.

The sincerity of the movie date. Marinette may have flaked big time not remembering it, but once they actually got out together, away from other influences, they were having so much fun! Going to see a movie they knew was terrible because they both love Jagged so much! I have hearts in my eyes. They were super cute! Their lyric guessing contest! They way they were so focused on each other and having fun. Marinette’s cute way of giving him his gift for ‘winning’ the contest, and Luka using their lyric game to ask for a kiss, and having that cute little nervous look before he really went for it. I’m gonna be watching that scene like a billion times.

My heart broke for both of them when Marinette kept running off. I like that they made it clear that this was an ongoing thing. That one moment of Luka being snarky and upset that she didn’t come to the concert just hurt that much more because he’s normally so calm. It really hurt when he didn’t get excited that she finally arrived.

But what happened after that was so Luka. He didn’t get sulky and passive aggressive. He didn’t get upset with her in front of everybody. He took her somewhere private, somewhere that was important to him, and he gave her context for how he was feeling by sharing something private about himself, and he asked her as gently as possible what was going on. I think it’s telling that he made a point of letting her know that he was okay with it if she was still hung up on Adrien. All he really wanted from her was confirmation that she was committed to this relationship, because after being ditched so many times it’s natural to start questioning whether she was really ready for this, and he didn’t want to be pressuring her into something. He just wanted her to tell him the truth. I think the parallel he gave her was nice, too; not only was he sort of letting her know he maybe has some abandonment issues that are making this hard for him, he’s giving her an opening to admit that she gets overwhelmed for whatever reason and that she ditches him to go hide and collect herself. In spite of all the things he is clearly feeling, he’s so careful with her, and it shows even more when he’s fighting his akumatization. Because his feelings are that she should tell him, that she should trust him, and he’s hurt that she doesn’t, but what he says, and what his behavior backs up, is that you can’t force the truth out of people (nice callback to Silencer there, where Ladybug said something similar about forcing someone to tell the truth is meaningless). He wants to believe that Marinette trusts him and has a good reason for not telling him; he wants to believe that if he can make her feel safe enough she’ll choose to confide in him. Poor guy is just trying to understand without spilling his bad feelings all over her. That’s really the core of what I like about Luka; he’s thoughtful, respectful, and gentle, but he confronts issues head on. He did it in Silencer, he did it in Felix, he did it in Miracle Queen, each time getting right to the heart of what Marinette was having trouble saying without putting pressure on her to admit anything she wasn’t ready for her. That’s what I was really, really scared of losing in this episode and I am just over the moon that they handled it so well.

The akuma is another story, but akumas are akumas. Those where his emotions without control and I’m not upset about that. Both of Luka’s akumas were about anger and powerlessness.

I feel deeply cheated that we didn’t get any kind of scene of Luka coming back to the boat, and Anarka having to tell him again about Jagged because he doesn’t remember, but she said it in front of everyone (including Juleka) so there’s no way to keep it a secret anymore. The cut to the breakup scene on the bridge was just so abrupt, and there was so much that should have happened between that that we should have seen.

I would have liked to have seen Marinette finding him, and asking if he’s okay, and giving him a little sympathy before finally giving him the honesty he asked for. Even when she tries to say it, that she can’t give him the relationship he deserves right now (and I’m eternally grateful that she didn’t lie to him and tell him that it actually was because of Adrien), Luka makes a choice. He closes his eyes as he hugs her (which I think is significant, given the whole third-eye imagery of Truth) and he doesn’t make her say it. Honestly, I usually feel gross about using the word ‘deserved’ in relationships, but I think it’s justified here--he deserved for her to look him in the eye and tell him that she couldn’t be with him. But he didn’t make her do it. He wasn’t angry at her, and they didn’t part with bad feelings, and he was Luka right up until the end.

Maybe it’s sad that that’s as much as I felt could be reasonably hoped for in this episode, but there it is. I’m not happy, but I’m satisfied.

#quickrants #truth spoilers #spoilers #lukanette #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #ml spoilers #ml season 4 spoilers

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thoushallnotfall · 4 years ago

Text

God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 13

Previous // Masterlist

Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Notes: Sorry this took a minute to get out guys; it’s been a busy week!

God so much happens in this update. We literally jump through like 3 years. 👀

Okay, so I'm changing some history here. (I'm mean I've already done that because, well, the movie did and that's what I'm following; but we're doing it again) I know Thaler took over after Doc, but since they cut him from the movie and made it kind of look like Nikki just sort of ran things, that's the angle I'm going with. 👍 Like I've literally been planning this from the get-go so I'm not changing it now.

Warnings: None

1990

A lot had happened in the last year.

Rehab had been a success for you and the boys, and you all had managed to stay sober through the recording of Dr. Feelgood–Motley Crue’s first number one album. Nikki had surprised you all and gotten married; and while Brandi seems like a genuinely nice girl, you were just glad to finally see your brother happy and committed to someone for a change.

Still, not everything was going so well.

You were back out on the road touring for the new album, and the band was feeling the strain. They had never toured without booze and drugs before, and it was clearly getting to them. Not only that, there was trouble at home for Vince and Tommy, and neither of the were handling it well.

Normally, they'd party their frustrations away–get drunk, do some drugs, then find some chicks to forget their wives with for a little while–but without that outlet to fall back on, they had to find other ways to cope. Vince took it out on his bandmates–usually choosing to argue with Nikki or Tommy–while Tommy chose to either argue with Vince, or bottle up his feelings entirely. Of course, they both still cheated, but without the drinks and drugs it apparently wasn’t enough of a release for them. You tried to talk to them about it, but they both brushed you off for one reason or another.

Vince’s growing animosity with Nikki, and on occasion Tommy, made him start to keep you at arm’s length. He didn’t have a problem with you personally, but your closeness with the other two made it difficult for him to open up to you despite your efforts to talk to him. As time went on, he just kept pushing you further away, becoming more distant, and you worried just how far he would drift from you and the others before he would just disappear all together.

You and Tommy were just as close as always–closer even, since rehab helped you get past some of your old bullshit–he just didn’t want to talk about his problems with Heather. Part of the problem was that he didn’t totally understand what was wrong; what little he would say about it was that she was being ‘weird and distant’ and that she wasn’t answering his calls, so he didn’t really know enough to talk about.

But you also thought part of him was just too scared to talk about it. Tommy had dreamed about true love his whole life, and he found it–it had probably never occurred to him that he could lose it. Things had always gone so well with Heather; for there to suddenly be signs of trouble brewing probably terrified him. You wanted to talk to him about it–comfort him, if you could–but if he didn’t want to talk about it, you didn’t want to force the issue.

Aside from the personal problems, there was also the issue of Nikki running the show.

When Doc was fired, Nikki had taken over trying to manage the band alone. He wasn't doing an awful job, and you helped him out as much as he would let you given his control freak personality. Still, it was the cause of a lot of the fights between him and Vince.

—

You and the boys were sitting at a table in the middle of a strip club, drinking waters and looking miserable. A waitress walks by with a tray of lemon drops, offering you the shots. They look amazing, and you can just imagine the sweet and sour shot burning down your throat, but none of the boys had drank this tour and you weren’t about to be the first to fall off the wagon. Nikki sends her away with an order for another round of waters–Vince looking less than pleased. Trying to escape the tense atmosphere, you glance over your shoulder to look at Tommy.

He was standing at the payphone, looking upset as he talks into the handpiece; Heather must still be dodging his calls. You stare at him a little longer–watch the frustration and confusion on his handsome face–and even though you should be happy that things weren’t going well, you couldn’t help but hurt for him. You didn’t want Tommy to be unhappy, no matter what the reason behind it.

“They’re keeping us on the road–15 new days in Canada.” Nikki says, bringing your attention back to the table.

“I haven’t seen anything about any new days.” Vince says, looking annoyed. Uh oh. This would end in another fight if Nikki wasn’t careful.

“Check your itinerary man.” Nikki replies.

“I would, but apparently someone doesn’t think it’s important to let the lead fucking singer know what the fuck is going on here.” Vince snaps.

“I’ll get you a copy of the new itinerary Vince.” You reply, trying to deescalate the situation. Just then, Tommy plops down in the seat next to you.

“Guys I fucked up. Heather’s being all weird and distant and–I drank.” He says, looking ashamed. “Well, a little–I had one shot and I’m sorry.”

“I’m gonna have a fucking cocktail too man.” Vince says before you have a chance to respond. “What are you gonna do about it Nikki?”

“Okay look everyone falls off the wagon once and awhile–” Nikki replies.

“Oh fuck you man, fuck off! Fuck the rest of this tour! It is the no fucking fun tour, and I am sick and tired of not having any fun.” Vince shouts, standing up.

“Vince!” You call out to him as he walks off, but he ignores you.

“Just let him go y/n.” Tommy says as Nikki chases after him.

You watch as Nikki confronts Vince, who physically pushes Nikki away before taking a shot. Just like that, sobriety was out the window. Nikki comes back up and sits down.

“Shit.” He says, slumping in his seat.

“I’ll get him the itinerary when we get back Nikki, and we’ll sort this out, okay?” You say, trying to be supportive. “It was just one drink; he was just angry because he’s stressed out.”

“I can’t believe I forgot to send him the new fucking itinerary.” Nikki says.

“It’s fine, you’ve got a lot on your plate. Don’t stress about it; I’ll take care of it.” You reply. He looks over at you.

“You probably wouldn’t have forgotten.” Nikki muses, before sighing, hanging his head. “You’re right y/n, I do have a lot on my plate–too much, probably. I’ve been thinking for awhile now that I’m not really cut out for this manager shit–that I should probably hand over the reigns to someone whose better suited to the work so I can get back to just focusing on the music.” He lifts his head to look at you. “So what do you say? You wanna be our manager?” You stare at him like a deer in headlights.

“Excuse me?” You ask, stunned.

“You guys are cool with that, right?” Nikki asks, looking over at Tommy and Mick.

“Fuck yeah dude! That’s awesome.” Tommy says, smiling over at you. Even after everything, his smile made your heart race.

“About time if you ask me; she’s the obvious choice.” Mick says, taking a drink of his water, a smile playing on his lips.

“You really want me to be your manager?” You ask, looking back at Nikki.

“Yeah. You already have experience helping me and Doc, and I mean who’s better qualified to take care of us than you?” Nikki asks, smirking.

“You are uniquely qualified for the position–you’ve got nearly 10 years experience cleaning up our messes.” Mick jokes.

“I don’t know, I made a lot of those messes too.” You reply, smiling.

“Hell yeah you did!” Tommy says, raising his hand expectantly. You laugh, giving him a high-five.

“I’m just saying; yeah, maybe we could hire someone with more experience in management–but we could never find someone we trust more.” Nikki says, putting a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve been with Motley Crue from the very beginning–you deserve this–and we know you’ll always do what’s best for this band.” You had to stop yourself from tearing up.

“Okay, if everyone’s cool with this–I’ll do it.” You say, smiling from ear to ear. “But you have to talk to Vince about it too.”

“Yeah, yeah–I don’t see why he’d have a problem with it, but I’ll tell him tomorrow when I bring him that fucking itinerary.” He says, leaning back and smirking at you.

—

February 1992

The phone rang and rang, but there was no answer. You knew there wouldn’t be–Vince had become so flaky since Sharise had left. You look at the others, all looking pissed as you slowly hang up the phone.

“I’m telling you guys everything is fucking all upside down and flipped flopped and while we’re waiting for our lead singer to get his head out of his ass we’re getting left in the dust man!” Tommy says, standing behind his drumset. You sigh. “I’m just saying bands replace their frontmen and it still works okay? Van Halen–”

“I know Van Halen fucking did it cause you say that every single time Vince misses a fucking rehearsal.” Nikki snaps.

“Come on Tommy, he’s just going through a lot right now.” You try to reason with him. “Wouldn’t you be a little off your game if Heather left you?”

“Don’t even fucking say that man.” Tommy says.

“I mean, can’t you all just try and be a little empathetic for once? Please?” You ask.

“Whatever; just call the prick again.” Mick says. You sigh, making your way over to the phone, while Nikki moves over to the fax machine. You have a feeling you’re not going to be happy about the message he's about to send.

—

You’re working on some paperwork while the boys continue with rehearsal without Vince, when the blonde comes marching into the studio.

“Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?” Vince asks, clearly pissed.

“Let’s save us all some time, especially yours Vince as it’s clearly more valuable than ours!” Nikki snaps back. You stand up and move towards them.

“You’d better tell me what the fuck’s going on man.” Vince says again.

“What’s going on is we’re down here, and we’re working, and we wanna be here, but we are tired of forcing you to be here with us.” Nikki says.

“Maybe I’d come in more if I liked the material.” Vince jeers.

“Maybe you’d like the material if you were in the studio making it with us instead of staring at your fucking watch!” Tommy jumps up and shouts.

“Woah, let’s all calm down.” You say, getting between them.

“Yeah, I’m staring at my watch because this album is fucking stupid!” Vince yells back. There’s a silence as the boys all look at each other. “You know what fuck all y’all. You know, I’m done. Fuck this, I quit.”

“Vince!” You call after him as he makes his way to the door.

“Good, ‘cause you’re fucking fired!” Nikki yells back.

“Nikki!” You shout at your brother, looking between him and Vince.

“I quit already, dick.” Vince says, walking out. Nikki slams the door behind him. You look up at him, as the room fills with a heavy silence, the weight of what just happened hitting them. Before anyone has the chance to say anything, you quickly run out after Vince.

“Vince!” You called his name through the rain, but he was already getting into his car. You quickly make your way through the downpour and jump into the passenger’s seat before he can drive off.

“What the fuck?” He looks over at you in surprise.

“I couldn’t just let you leave before we talked.” You say, your wet hair dripping water on the leather of the seat as you look over at him.

“I’m not going back in there y/n–I’m done.” He says, looking out the windshield.

“So what, that’s it? Just like that? You’re just gonna walk away?” You ask, not even trying to hide the tears pooling in your eyes.

“It had to happen sometime y/n–we all knew this was coming.” He said, still not looking at you.

“It didn’t have to Vince–it still doesn’t. I can talk to them, I can–” He puts his hand on yours.

“It’s over y/n. Let it go.” Vince says, looking into your eyes. You feel a tear slide down your cheek.

“So now what?” You ask. “What are you gonna do?” He moves his hand away and looks back out the windshield.

“I don’t know. I’ve still got my racing–and hey, I could always try making it as a solo artist.” He smiles over at you. “You wouldn’t happen to know any good managers, would you?” You laugh.

“Oh the boys would hate that.” You reply.

“Fuck’m–it’s your life, do what you want.” Vince replies. “Just think it over and let me know, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll think about it.” You reply, reaching for the door handle. You stop, looking back at him. “And Vince, I just want you to know; no matter what happens–any of the drama or the bullshit that may come from this–you’re still my friend, okay? You’re important to me, and I love you.” Vince blushes, looking away.

“Yeah yeah, I love you too–now shut up and get out of my car.”

—

1993

You somehow convince the boys it would be fine if you manage them and Vince, and things for him were going fairly well. His first solo album, Exposed, was doing moderately well on the charts. Meanwhile, you were trying your best to deal with a Motley Crue without Vince Neil. John Corabi was brought in to be the new lead singer for the band, and while he was a good singer and a nice enough guy–he just wasn't Vince.

The fans knew it too. As much as Nikki and the others tried to promote John, everyone just wanted Vince back. Of course you did too, but what could you do? The band had succeeded because they were a group of stubborn fools who didn’t know when to give up, but that also meant they didn’t know how to back down from a fight–even when they knew they'd fucked up. No one wanted to admit they were wrong and come ‘crawling back’ to the other, so they were stuck in a stalemate.

—

You were sitting at home in your office, going over some paperwork for Vince, when you phone rings.

“Hello, y/n Sixx speaking.” You say absently as you continue reading over the paper in your hand.

“Y/N?” It was Tommy. He sounded upset. You set the paper down on the desk.

“Tommy? What’s wrong?”

“Y/N, I-I fucked up man, I fucked up so bad.” He stammers. “Fuck y/n, I, I–”

“Whoa, Tommy! Calm down.” You say, clutching the phone tightly. “Just tell me what happened.”

“There was this fucking article–someone got pictures. Damn I’m so fucking stupid!” He shouts.

“Tommy, you’re not making any sense.” After a long stretch of silence, you hear a sob come through the line.

“Heather knows I cheated. She left me y/n–she’s kicking me out.” Your breath catches in your throat.

A rush of emotions hits you like a freight train–too many to sort through at once. Anger, sadness, pity, illation, hope, guilt; each coming one after another. Anger at Tommy for cheating again. Sadness and pity at the pain he must be going through. Illation and hope because finally, finally, you might have a chance with him. And lastly guilt, that you would even consider your own feelings now, when he was in so much pain.

“Y/N?” Tommy calls out to you, snapping you out of your trance.

“Oh, oh god Tommy I’m so sorry.” You say, shaking your head to clear your thoughts. “Um, if, if you need somewhere to stay for awhile, you’re more than welcome to crash with me.” You offer.

“Really? You’re sure that’s cool?” He asks.

“Yeah of course.” You say. “It’ll be just like old times.” He laughs through a sob.

“Yeah, old times.” He repeats.

“You want me to come by? I can help you bring some stuff over.” You ask.

“Thanks y/n. God, what would I do without you?” He replies, and you smile to yourself.

You didn’t want to be this happy about Tommy’s marriage failing, but it had been seven years–seven long years, and you had given up hope of ever getting your chance with Tommy.

Now, you might finally have one–a chance–and that thought alone nearly made your heart leap out of your chest.

#tommy lee x reader #the dirt!tommy lee x reader #mgk!tommy lee x reader #the dirt x reader #tommy lee #the dirt

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loudsuitlover · 4 years ago

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Just friends II

Part 1

She rang his bell and waited impatiently for him, shifting her weight from leg to leg and considering biting her nails. She hadn’t done that since she was in high school, when her mother had mixed nail polish with hot chilly and she had grown old of the habit, but she thought maybe that would settle the angry tide on her belly.

She had been anxious all day and it was probably because she had been on edge that everything had felt on edge too. She had done every procedure at work like any other colleague, but she had felt the entire time as if something was just going to go wrong one time or the other. And then after having survived that day, all she could think about was seeing him. She hadn’t texted him so maybe he wasn’t even home but she hoped he would. With this coronavirus thing there weren’t many places he could be at anyway and she knew he was being rather responsible and he was barely going out at all these days. She didn’t have to worry about him being with someone else for it had been one of the rules they had set at the beginning too but maybe he was jogging or working and she thought about going home and having a long, hot shower but then he opened the door.

She didn’t even give him time to smile or say something funny to her. Instead she cupped his face with her two hands and she pressed her lips against his. She caught his bottom lip between her own lips first and then she needily bit down until his lips slip from her grasp as he smiled at her initiative. One of his hands had moved to her neck in an instinct and it was holding her head for his thumb was caressing her cheekbone as his fingers rest right below her ear. His other hand gripped her right hip lingeringly.

Harry couldn’t possibly know what that kiss- or anything she ever did for that matter- was about; but he thought no questions shall be asked when the woman you love is kissing you like that so instead of asking, his tongue caved inside her mouth and his fingers dragged from her cheek to her neck before he tangled them on her hair to deepen the kiss. He was sure she could feel his excitement and he hoped it wasn’t inappropriate given the silence and the fact that they were still standing on his doorway. Yet since their lips had touched, all she had felt was a warmth that she hadn’t experienced since last time she had seen him and they had kissed for half an hour before she had to leave for work.

Unconsciously, she had been daydreaming of this kiss all day; the greed of it. But neither of her daydreams could meet up to this reward, to the soothing feeling of his lips on hers and his hands on her body.

His eyes studied her when she pulled away and took a breath.

“Tough day?”

She nodded and he moved aside for her to step inside his apartment. They didn’t talk any further about it. She had told him at the beginning that when she was having a bad day she didn’t like talking about it and he had respected that.

“You hungry?”

He was making grilled cheese and he could do another one for her if she felt like it.

“No, I just want to cuddle.” She pouted.

He chuckled and smiled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him.

“I’m making myself a sandwich though. But when I eat, we can cuddle, yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll wait.” She shrugged.

His eyes set on her and he smiled but didn’t say a thing. That was so not how friends with benefits worked. If they were friends with benefits, they couldn’t just pop up at his house and ask for just cuddles and she couldn’t expect him to kiss her tough day better but she could because they were not just friends, despite whatever she said. “I'

She followed him to the kitchen and sat on the counter in utter silence while he finished making his sandwich and then she poured two glasses of water and walked with him to his living room. He sat down on the couch and manoeuvred her so she would sit on his lap and then he handed her the TV remote and nibbled on his sandwich. She ended up stealing a bite or two but he found it too endearing to mind so after his sandwich was done, his hands were on her. They lied down on the couch and she rested her head on his chest as they watched the rerun of The Office she had settled for.

He was caressing her back through her sweater and every once in a while, her hands would tighten around his waist as she squeezed him on a hug. His pulse accelerated every time she moved but he smiled when she squeezed him.

“You know” He whispered “friends with benefits don’t meet up just to cuddle.” He teased.

“I know.”

He smiled. She rested her chin on her hand against his chest and looked up at him.

“Do you want sex or you want me to leave?”

His

green eyes investigated hers. She didn’t seem hurt, but he knew she was serious. He breathed in before he answered her.

“Neither.” He whispered. “I just wanted to make sure you were aware of that.”

“Does it bother you?”

“You know it doesn’t.”

“Then you said it as part of your endless battle of making me aware that we are not just friends with benefits, right?”

He smiled.

“I just wanted to cuddle” she shrugged “with you, because I like being held by you. I like being close to you and smelling you and you’re always warm. Now, if it makes you uncomfortable or you think it’s ina-“

His lips pressed against hers before she could finish the sentence. She had told him at the very beginning that the most important rule of theirs had to be communication. She said she had done it before, the friends with benefits thing, and it hadn’t really worked because they were not communicating so she said she expected him to tell her pretty much everything that was going through his mind.

“Just shup up.” He shook his head.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” She smiled.

“I know.”

“You’ll tell me if I was, right?”

“Yes.” He smirked. “I’m a big boy.”

And with that they resumed to watch their show.

She wasn’t hurting him… Yet. He was confident in his own skin and he loved the man he was and sometimes he was sure she loved him back like when he went to her house and found out she had bought almond milk for him or when she wouldn’t take her eyes of him whenever they were out with friends but some other times he doubted. Maybe she really didn’t love him like he loved her. Maybe she really didn’t want to hurt him because she was a good friend but maybe his feelings were not reciprocated for real.

He was dreading the time when those doubts would no longer be doubts because then he would have to tell her he couldn’t keep doing that. She knew he loved her. She wasn’t an idiot and he had gone so far so as to tell her, mostly because she had asked him to tell her everything he was thinking and feeling at all times; but then she had asked him whether he wanted to end things and he had said no and he was an adult, intelligent and owner of his own heart and feelings. If he wasn’t hurting, then she could keep doing whatever it was that they were doing, and if he was hurting then he had to tell her and she trusted he would.

He watched Jim watching Pam and he wondered what it would be like if Sam was a secretary. He thought maybe she wouldn’t be so afraid of having a boyfriend for he thought she might not have to fight so hard to be respected that she was afraid even loving someone would cost her some respect. And he thought maybe if she had settled down for a less time-consuming career, perhaps she would have the time to go out and actually get to know someone enough so that they wouldn’t care she worked that much.

“Sam” he whispered “if you weren’t a doctor, do you think you’d have a relationship with me?”

She hated those questions. If she hadn’t decided to just always tell the truth, she would probably think what would be best to say. She knew her friends would think of what to say that would hurt him the less and they would overthink what he would think of whatever she could say yet she was not like that. She would say what was on her mind because then she thought if she hurt someone, at least she would hurt them with the truth. She thought that was less cruel.

“I don’t know.” She smiled. “I am a doctor so… I don’t know what would be of me if I wasn’t one.”

He smirked. He knew she was going to dodge his question.

“I am most likely an idiot not to want a relationship with you.” She smiled. “Doctor or no doctor, it doesn’t make a difference.”

“But you don’t.” He chuckled. “You’re so scared.” He was grinning.

She felt a knot on her throat. Everybody said that and some nights she thought they were right but then she’d wake up in the morning and she’d get ready for work and she’d say this smart thing she read the night before and she thought- well, people just don’t understand. It’s not that she was afraid of a relationship, it was not even her commitment issues- which she clearly had nonetheless- it was just that she did not want one. She didn’t need one. She was happy like that.

But still, she would walk into somebody’s house on a Saturday night and Harry would be there and her heart would accelerate and he would breathe on her ear and she would get goosebumps on the back of her neck. And she thought of him, all the time when he wasn’t around. She imagined how he’d look like with 40 years old or how he would look like if instead of a singer he was an accountant and she wondered if he wasn’t who he was and she wasn’t who she was, if then they would have met in college in some random class neither of them really needed for their future and they would have fallen in love and gotten married and had kids.

She climbed over his body until her mouth was inches from his. His eyes, that had been investigating her for the last minute, set on her lips before she pressed them against his. They kissed chastely at first, as if they were both trying to imagine what it would be like in those worlds they had created, but then her tongue ran across his bottom lip and he opened her mouth for her so she slipped it inside and Harry gasped on her mouth before his breathing became laboured. She felt a fire burning on her stomach at the sounds of his breathing and her hips started to grind against him on their own accord. They moved slowly, swaying back and forth against his groin and awakening him.

“Thought you said you just wanted to cuddle.” He gasped.

She hummed against his lips before she kissed his chin and made her way down to the side of his neck where she started her torturous ritual. She would kiss his skin gently at first and then she would run her tongue against it before she nibbled on it and he would gasp and his vision would get blurry.

“Said I just wanted to be held by you” she whispered “and to be close to you” she captured his earlobe between her lips “but I can stop if you want.”

“No.” He smiled.

“Good.”

Her lips went back to his and she kissed him despite his smile. His hands were on her body and like a cat, her figure moved so he would touch her more. He ran his hands across every curve of her body, for the side of her chest to her waist and lower down to her hips so he helped her move over him.

Harry rotated his hands, cupped and squeezed her breasts and she moaned against his lips, encouraging him to grab her flesh more. Excitement seized her when he bowed his head to kiss on the side of her neck and his rough hands turned angelic. She ran her hips over his hardness, leaving them both short of breath and her mind stopped as he undressed her. Swollen lips caressed her breasts in the search of the reddish bundle of nerves before Harry’s tongue cooled her burning skin down. Her legs pressed against his sides and she felt him harder and closer and she moaned.

She took off her own jeans before she unbuttoned and unzipped him, slipping his jeans down his legs as he helped her lifting his hips from the soft cushion of his couch. Then she was not one bit scared, and she didn’t doubt being scared either, as her body grinded over him in selfish desire. She knew he liked it, if his moans and grunts were any indication, so she kept going, rubbing her wet ravenousness against him. Winds of breath surrounded their ears and as close as she felt, the desperation of getting there was almost frustrating. He was hard like a rock and he was pressing his hot length against her and it was rubbing against her wet bundle of nerves and it felt wonderful and it made her toes curled, but it didn’t feel enough. Noticing her struggle, Harry grabbed himself and pressed against her wet hole with his red angry tip stimulating every nerve.

He thrusted inside half of him and they both let out a moan that sounded like one. They had been kissing for a while and she had been grinding down on him but that was all the foreplay they had had and she had said she just wanted a cuddle. Normally, he would have made sure she was a lot wetter and he would have touched her or licked her as she rained on his tongue or perhaps he wouldn’t have time for that because she would already be so horny and wet; but that time she had just wanted a cuddle and then they had kissed and they had ended up desperate for one another.

“You ready?” He struggled, holding her hips and holding his back.

“Yeah” she kissed him.

After getting her moany confirmation, he finally pushed inside deep inside her but he did it slowly at first so she could feel every inch and he could relish on the way she breathed him in.

“Fucking hell, Sam.” He grunted. “You feel so good.”

She let him have control for a while but she helped him with the rhythm and she circled her hips and moved them back and forth as he pushed in and out of her. Her eyes took him in for the hundredth time but she was still amazed at how handsome he truly was. She noticed the right perfect bridge of his nose and his hard cheeks and his strong jawline and her fingers moved from the cushion to his face and she outlined every angle as his mint green eyes locked with hers. That was not how friends with benefits stared at each other while one of them was inside the other.

“You’re so handsome.” She smiled.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, the grip on her hips tightened as he pushed her closer and fucked faster in and out of her until she was a moaning mess over him so she couldn’t say anything to make his heart flutter.

After her toes had curled and her mind had gone blank and he had let go inside her, she was calming down her breathing with her cheek pressed against his bare chest. One of his hands was playing with her hair while the other drew senseless patterns on the low of her back.

“I can feel your heart.” He noticed.

And they stayed there, peacefully hugging one another in silence, as their breathing matched and their hearts tried to. Later, he picked her up and took her to his bed and when she was lying on his mattress, she said his name.

“Yeah?”

“Can you clean me up?” She yawned. “It’s a mess down there.”

“Sure.” He chuckled.

And he walked inside his bathroom and grabbed a fresh towel for her. He was grinning foolishly whilst he cleaned her up and she was hugging his pillow to her face and smirking.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She kissed him when he got in bed next to her, a long kiss, a calm one, one of those that say goodnight and I’ll probably dream about you. His hands found the low of her back under the quilt over them and hers rested on his chest while her tongue, merciless but soothing, awakened all those butterflies she didn’t want to face on his belly. He didn’t think he had ever been kissed like that, with such care and meaning, and he didn’t think he had ever felt his skin burning like that either. He kissed her back and his tongue twisted inside her mouth as if trying to get rid of those three words he couldn’t say. When he said her name, it sounded like he was scolding her.

“You’re gonna make me say it.” He explained.

She stopped then and her eyes burnt on his and he swore, as cheesy as it was, that time had stopped. She pecked his lips three times.

“Goodnight.” She whispered.

“Goodnight, you monster.”

She chuckled as she cuddled up to him right before she fell asleep.

#harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles #harry #styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles lovers #harry styles friends to lovers #harry styles friends with benefits #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagines

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siren1song · 5 years ago

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could I get some,,, um,,, platonic dark sides angst with a happy ending as virgil makes up with his old family? maybe? please? ~imagine anon

You know the way to my heart, Imagine.

Edit because I’m midway through this now: god damn it it got long. I’m committed to doing this right so i’m not shortening it but god damn it.

Also man I hope this is halfway decent, I’m not usually an angst writer.

( @romansleftshoulderpad asked me to tag him ksdfjg)

Home Again

Virgil hesitated in front of the building, looking up at the apartment complex with a nervous frown. He hasn’t been here in years, having run away from his dad and his brother (adopted brother, he wonders if Remus still tries to make the distinction) to go to college, travel the world, figure himself out.

It wasn’t like they’d been bad to him or anything, Virgil had just… needed to get away from the cramped apartment and the same people he’d seen his whole life who’d known him as someone entirely different before he’d left.

Briefly, Virgil wondered if his dad or brother would recognize him with the the undercut and purple hair and the weight he’d gained with the food he’d explored as he bounced from place to place with people who liked his company while he tried to figure himself out.

With a deep breath, he stepped forward and pressed his finger against the buzzer for his dad’s apartment.

“Who is it?”

Virgil swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat upon hearing his dad’s voice.

“Uh… hey, dad.”

The speaker was quiet, but Virgil heard the signature click of the door unlocking and he hurried to pull it open.

The elevator ride to the basement was almost suffocating, with how quiet it was. He would’ve taken the stairs, if Virgil didn’t have suitcase with him. The speakers that used to play old pop music on loop must’ve given out.

Walking to his dad’s apartment door felt like a walk to the gallows to Virgil. He felt this smothering sense of doom hanging over his head, cause fuck his dad and brother must be so pissed at him. Virgil had left six years ago with nothing more than a letter saying he’d be fine but wanting to see what’s out there. And then he just didn’t keep in contact with them.

Not that they didn’t try. For months after he’d initially left, they’d blown up his phone almost daily. Begging him to come or to at least call them to let them know he was okay. He never did, and sometimes he still got drunk texts from his brother wondering where he was and if he still cared about them.

Those texts are honestly why Virgil was here right now, that and his current boyfriend convincing him to at least try to reconnect, regardless of his fears.

He was hovering in front of the door now, chewing on one of his nails before a chip of black nail polish made its way into his mouth and he screwed his face up in disgust, pulling his hand away.

Here goes nothing, Virgil guessed.

Three firm taps against the door, and then Virgil was waiting. He found it oddly symbolic, the way the wait seemed to drag on. Whether or not his dad would be willing to let him into his family again.

Fuck, being a writer was making him overthink this, this is stupid.

Virgil was about to turn away, to go back to the hotel where his boyfriend was staying for the time being, when the door opened and suddenly his limbs were locking up.

God damn it, he was still shorter than his already really fucking short dad.

“A-” his dad stopped when Virgil instinctively flinched at the start of his dead-name.

“…Name?”

Virgil gave a sheepish but grateful smile, pulling a sleeve further over his hand so he could rub his fingers over the textured fabric of the jacket cuff.

“Virgil,” he answered, getting a nod in response as his dead stepped aside.

He hesitated, because he always hesitated, but he really wanted to talk to his family again, so Virgil stepped inside the tiny apartment.

“So uh… where’s Remus?”

“He moved out two years ago. Should still come by for dinner tonight, though.”

Virgil flinched at the dig, not missing the bitterness in his fathers voice. He was getting a feeling this conversation wasn’t going to be a pleasant one. Not that he came in here expecting his dad to be all smiles to see him again, he always was in the habit of holding long grudges.

It was quiet for a few moments, Virgil struggling to come up with something to say.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Virgil snapped his eyes to his dad’s, taking note of the prosthetic eye being a new style. Was that a snake pupil? He didn’t answer the question, brows furrowing in confusion.

“I mean, I would sure hope so, seeing as you’re finally home after six years, but I thought I’d ask. Whatever you were looking for, did you find it?”

Feeling his heart sinking in his chest, Virgil looked to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, shoulders hunching forward as he picked out his words.

“I… think so.”

There was a beat of silence, and then footsteps, a chair scraping against the floor, a soft thump of weight settling.

“You think? It’s been six years, Virgil, and you can’t even come home positive you’ve become who you wanted to be?”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, wincing at the question because honestly, his dad was right. Virgil really should be more sure of himself by now.

“I’ve found out… a lot, about myself,” Virgil starts, continuing to avoid looking at his dad, “obvious things aside, I learned I really like writing, and that I’m pretty good at it. Learned I don’t really like ocean travel, that I hate air travel even more, but I think Europe is pretty cool and South America is even better.”

While Virgil talked, he looked around the room. He noted the pictures, tried not to be hurt at how few of them had him in them even if he knew seeing himself before he started transitioning would be difficult to look at.

“I figured out I was gay, after the whole gender crisis. And I learned what it felt like to love and be loved,” he said.

Virgil would’ve continued, but he made the mistake of looking at his dad then and seeing the hurt and anger in his good eye, practically melting any affection or caring that might’ve been there before away from his expression.

“So you don’t think we loved you?”

“What? No that’s not-”

“Really? Because that certainly sounds like what you were saying.”

Virgil felt his throat close up, and he shut his eyes as he struggled to breathe through it. It wasn’t the type of breathing difficulty he experienced when he was having a panic attack, but God did the difference really matter? It hurt just the same.

“No, dad. That’s not what I was saying. I was... I’ve had so many flings, in the last several years. Some of them were disasters, others were like walking on clouds until the clouds ran out. I just-” Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his hair, pushing his bangs back and letting them fall in front of his eyes as his hand moved to the back of his head.

“Listen, I thought about you guys all the time. I’d honestly only planned to stay gone for a year, but when that time stamp had come closer I got... I got so fucking scared. I’d basically cut you guys out at that point, and I was worried you would turn me away before I got the chance to explain myself.”

Virgil’s exhaustion was suddenly overwhelming, and he had to pull out a chair from the table to collapse in before his legs gave out from under him.

He wondered if the silence would ever stop drowning him.

“I wouldn’t have. Still won’t, if the fact you’re currently sitting at my kitchen table means anything,” his dad started, making Virgil look up at him with tired eyes, “I was- am pissed. It’s hard not to be bitter when my baby g- ah... when my son up and leaves two nights after he graduates high school with no warning and no goodbye outside of a letter I found on his pillow.”

Virgil felt his lower lip wobble as tears built in his eyes, and he clamped it between teeth in an attempt to keep himself from crying.

“Virgil I missed you so much for so long. At one point I had almost convinced myself you had died somehow.”

His dad slumped over the table, putting his head in his hands to keep his face from view.

Virgil rubbed the tears away from his eyes, sucking in a deep breath as he quietly moved seats to sit right next to his dad, leaning against him the way he used to when he was overwhelmed and just needed the physical reminded someone was there.

He felt his dad let out a watery laugh, shifting until he was able to wrap his arms tight around Virgil’s shoulders, nuzzling his face into the fluff that was Virgil’s hair.

“I’m still mad at you, and you know I’m going to be for a while, but... if you want to stay for dinner, I’m sure Remus would be ecstatic to see you after he gives up trying to murder you for leaving.”

Virgil snorted, his own arms already wrapped around his dad’s torso.

“Still destructive, then?” he asked, relishing the contact with the older man, contact he’d been longing for for years.

“I think he’s gotten worse as he’s gotten older, honestly.”

There was still a lot of issues Virgil had to talk over with his family, and his boyfriend would definitely want to meet them no matter how much Virgil would inevitably try to steer him off it because his family was unsettling at the best of times and Patton was a puffball.

But at least he’d started mending the gap he’d torn between them.

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goblinconceivable · 3 years ago

Text

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing. (I can’t be the only one who does that...) Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again. And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there. Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it. Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first. I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show. Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.) Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy. Like, WTF was that about? I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching. First couple seasons: brilliant. Downhill from there. But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together. One hot second and bam.*** Every. Time. Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least. But these two, nope. And know what? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH. I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one. And Izzie got the short stick. Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen. There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.) Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to. She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle. It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off. In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character. When did KH ask to be let out? If it was after this point, Shonda svcks. I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth. Because he’s not really in a real relationship. I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful. Which is most of the time, so they gave me that. I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.” Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts. Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie. I love that he loves her the whole time. But he’s willing to step back. He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean. But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows. Izzie doesn’t make him. She entices him. Yeah, often directs him, especially at first. But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily. And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards. He reaches out to her a lot. And she turns him aside a lot. And he keeps loving. Even if romance is off the table. He runs after her a lot. Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot. Is understanding a lot. He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook. Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct. I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water. (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker. Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me. Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny. They’re all standing around. No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her. In a really caring way. And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh? (Mebbe?) And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly. And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie. I don’t think he even wants to stop. Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine. But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged. But also born. Stars uncrossed. I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was. Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because... it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be. She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside. She knows. She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually. Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her. Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him. And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her. I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it. She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him. The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync. And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s. And those two things weave into each other. Kinda like rats and the food button. When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.” So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again. And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter. And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care. She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in. But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair. There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her. She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues. But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny. Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her. The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope. Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA. Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives. And I do think female character’s side guys have a habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life.

At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman: yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying. Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love. BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted. 1) That he desperately wants a family. 2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy. Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first. And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change. But we didn’t. So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that. Something taken slowly! We got to explore it. Did feel a bit drawn out tbh. But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess. Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others. This was their development for the season. Which was mostly Alex. But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well. Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment? Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more. Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands. And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that. It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.” She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient. She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly. And she’s still in charge. She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to carry this on your own. We have it now. Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden. And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring. She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve. Stages of grief ya’ll. He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca. He’s in denial that anything is wrong. He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.) He dives into bargaining. She’ll be okay if he can take care of her. He can do it. He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression. Not just Rebecca, but about his mom. And Izzie approaches him differently. In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend. An equal. Which is what he needs right now. His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid. Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed. But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically. Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information. Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand. And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex. I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything. And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way. Bargaining again, I suppose. “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.” But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died. Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person. And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca. And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment. Of understanding. She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else. Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that. How to process that in a way that feels manly to him? Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing. And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him. He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories. But also... stages of grief. He needs to feel it, so he can accept it. He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love. Take out the romantic/sexual aspect. Take out the friendship. The trust. The family. Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love. And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care. Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho. It’s such a wonderful foil. Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see. He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.” (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself. He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable. He let Izzie get too close. He’s afraid. It’s all a tangle. And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards. So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5. And actually they start out close. They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her. He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial. And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.” And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either). Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact. They don’t talk about it, it’s fine. Pretending it did not happen. But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped. It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same. Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer. Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind. That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others. Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim. It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it. And he does feel super close to her. But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light. For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation. I’m a bit stuck and going in circles. If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously? Doesn’t understand him? I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak? Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t. But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person. Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff. But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman. Were those scenes meant to be inverted? Or is he going into this eyes wide open? Trying to prove something? He’s hurting her though, is it intentional? Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up. But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape. Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self? They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off. Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him. She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly. And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him. Though her barb about STD did hit him. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could? He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight. It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did. They are incredibly close. And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening. He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda. Follows her out into the hall when she leaves. The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right. And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too. “Okay, ... I”m trying to be- I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is??? Trying to not be emotionally stunted. Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation. Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand. Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her. And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her. And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts. ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.” And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.” Dad calls for son while kinda dying. I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot? And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares. With a hefty does of potential regret. It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested. His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.” He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.” Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough. But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more. And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time. And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome. *sobs* And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window? And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No. Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there? They always say yes. Eventually. And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things. It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life. In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building. He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting. And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing. I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything. But he’s also not lying. He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle. He’d stay with Jo then out of... ? Halp. The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable. Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life. It’s all happiness of them individually, not together. But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse? No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs. Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo. Also exposition. References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie. It scared him because... ? He focuses on the kids. It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her. Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight. Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins. It’s a free pass to perfection. But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever. I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie. But that’s kinda tenuous. It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for. Izzie would for Denny. In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings. So in a way she gave up her life for Alex. And never reached out to him but did respond when he did. She picked up the phone. Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones. And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids. I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle. And he’s become a man who does the right thing. And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish. He one perfect thing is in Kansas. And it’s the family. It’s a family with Izzie. And his kids. It’s the whole package. If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough? Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.” But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is. He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction. He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive. Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things. She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.) Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary. And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her. He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth. Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them. He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot. Maybe it’s a Miranda thing? After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her. He doesn’t need her like that. And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate. But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to... come back for him. To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back. I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.

Interesting point “we married...” It’s a promise. He starts with “I’m sorry.” His breakup speech to her - rehearsed? He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie. So his dying speech was also fear based? He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock. To when is his mind taking him? It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup. It’s been months but that’s still recent enough. So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.” They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t. That hasn’t changed.

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her. A happy, rich and full life. He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it. Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo. Maybe it’s contentment? Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows? Meh. Back to frozen. He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life. It’s immersive but static, a snapshot. And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.

Letter to Meredith. “It’s about me.” Which is sorta back to breakup speech. It was about him, ending the relationship. He didn’t deserve to be left. And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids. There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love. So I’m torn. Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love. Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not? Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married? Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right? Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

#alex x izzie #grey's anatomy #brain dump #meta #why couldn't i just leave well enough alone #and mess around with a vignette for funsies and a writing exercise #and not actually look at canon #because now i have feels #and am confused #and there are barriers to my feels #but it's okay i will live in my own little AU #and remember and know more than i did #given it was many many many years ago #i mean over 13 #right after season 4 started #izzex

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crazycoke-addict · 4 years ago

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American Horror Story: Cult Review

Last Week, I decided to rewatch American horror story: Cult. This season takes place in the aftermath of the 2016 presidential elections where a woman named Ally May-Fair Richards is reliving her fears and there’s a growing a cult in her neighbourhood and the people around her may be on it. This is my review of the show and after watching it the second time I do have a lot to say.

This season is the only season were there aren’t any supernatural elements so there are no ghosts, no vampires etc. at first, I felt it to be boring but now just after watching it, I understand what they going for. Ghosts and Vampires are superstitious beings that may or may not be real, however humans are real and they can also be very terrifying. With the main plot being a cult, it’s the unknown on the secrets that a person is hiding and the fact that they may be a cult member or even the cult leader is scary. Cult Leaders have always been one of the scariest people out and how they manipulate their followers and use their charisma or even their intelligence to make people believe/obey them. Kai Anderson played by Evan Peters is the main antagonist in this season, he’s the cult leader and way he manipulates these characters in his cult just baffles me especially when he’s telling the story about the other cult leaders, he twisting the story like the part where he said that after eveyime drank the kool aid in the Jim Jones one, all of sudden Jesus Christ came on earth, gave Jim Jones the power of resurrection and the men are just falling for it because the way he’s so manipulative that for a vulnerable its believable.

Ally Mayfair-Richards is the main protagonist of this season and is played by Sarah Paulson. Ally suffers from a lot of fears including Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) and tryophobia (fear of small holes). Ally is married to a woman named Ivy Mayfair-Richards and they have a son named Oz. During the season, we see a lot of character arc with Ally including her relationship with the people around her. At the start of the series, Ally more targeted by a group of clowns and the episode goes, more she worse she gets. It’s revealed that Ivy is not only in the cult but she also has resent towards Ally with not only her vote for Jill Stein but also because when Ally had Oz because Ivy suffers from endometriosis, she felt like Ally was treating her like a stranger in their own home. She soon finds out about the cult through Meadow which was orchestrated by Kai Anderson. People seem to have a problem because at the start, She’s scared of everything and I’m assuming people hate emotionally scared characters. However if you rewatched the season, she’s being gaslit by her own wife in order to get custody of Oz, because Ally suffers from multiple fears it was easy for Kai and the others to make her go crazy to point where she looked mentally unstable. This is a character arc for Ally because when she returns from being in the psychiatric ward for 2 weeks, she’s a different person who conjured her fears and only has one goal to get her son. In the end, you can tell that she learn out a lot from Kai but was more smarter than him.

Kai Anderson is the main antagonist of this season. When we first meet Kai, he is celebrating the victory of Donald Trump whom was elected president at the time. Kai’s goal is world domination but before he can achieve that, he needs to take one step at a time. Kai first runs for city councilman, at first it doesn’t go so well because he has some problems with Councilman Chang. Whenever Kai meets he sees a threat because they challenged him and also get in his way of his goal. He and his cult member eliminate the competition. Kai and his cult members spread fear across Michigan in order to increase the polls by having people vote for him since he promises to make their city safe. Kai is manipulative and is very good at it,he finds any insecurity that you have or a fear that you suffer and uses it against you. If how he recruit his cult members, when he convinces Gary to cut his own arm off so he can vote knowing that Gary has problems with the left. He got Harrison to kill his boss because of the homophobic remarks get from him. He even got Beverly on board by killing her competition when at first, she didn’t believe him. Kai preys on your vulnerability like many other cult leaders have done before.

Misogyny is an issues that plays a bigger role in Kai as a person. You would think how his mum was treated by his father to how the over conservative pastor was about to hurt Winter. You would think he’ll have some decency to respect or understand their struggles but he doesn’t. When we have those arguments about men say or do horrible things to women. We say ‘if this was your mother or sister, you wouldn’t been saying this’. That line wouldn’t work on Kai because he has seen how his mum was treated. Winter probably been treated by men and Kai has probably witness and wanted it hurt them. Because the women in his family were more important than that just other women he has no relationship with. While he does have women in his cult, he doesn’t treat them well like he does with the men. There were 6 women and they are Beverly, Meadow, Ivy, Ally and his sister, Winter. When you go back and watch the season, you realise that the things that Kai achieved wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for some of the women. Beverly is in charge of the media, she has power and she’s the one who help spreading the fear due to her career as a reporter. Meadow was manipulated into almost assassinating Kai and committed a mass shooting. In the aftermath, the polls increased for Kai. Winter recruited other members into his cult. He wouldn’t have thought of making a cult if it wasn’t for his therapist whose a women herself. The women in the cult are the reason why has even went this far with his plans and does what he do? He pushes them aside.

One of the characters, Sally Keffler is told by Ally about the cult and how Kai is the leader. Sally mentions an important detail about how many cult leaders who have been predominantly male are always in fear when the patriarchy is being threatened. Later on, when Kai becomes councilman more of his motives involves around women and with reproductive rights. Before he got arrested he and his men were going to murdered 100 pregnant women at planned parenthood. This also explains Kai’s misogyny towards the women in his cult by pushing them aside when they have helped him the most. I don’t have anything else to say except after rewatching the season again, I give it more appreciation than I once did before.

#american horror story #cult #kai anderson #ally mayfair richards #meadow whilton #Beverly hope #winter Anderson #Harrison whilton #detective samuels #Gary k Longstreet #Ivy Mayfair Richards

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originaldanganronpascenarios · 5 years ago

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Could i get Dangarompa Boys Catching s/o wanting to commit suicide with a knife and trying in give her hope antil she break down in tears as They confort her, and promese Herself to never try to do that in such a thing again and boy Even in a Future?

There is one thing I want to ask you... DON'T AND I REPEAT DON'T TELL ME if you meant just the THH boys and not entire fucking cast cuz then I will be so pissed at myself. Like with each one I had HUGE block since I was too scared since this request is on very sensitive topic so with each word I felt like making a step on a thin fucking ice.

HUGE TW SUICIDE DON'T PROCEED IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ON THIS TOPIC YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Boys catching their S/O trying to commit suicide

Starter for all

You were sure that nobody was around when you took the knife but you couldn't be more wrong.

More than that it was your boyfriend of all people so obviously enough he got worried but didn't approach you just yet.

But when you pointed a knife on your chest you heard someone yell...

Ryoma Hoshi

"DON'T DO THIS!" were his words as you looked at him. Both of you were terrified at this point.

Still he managed to collect himself enough to speak up "S/O put the knife away... We still can talk this out" you were hesitant but you still didn't listen.

"Listen to me please... You can't die here I won't let you. Just put the knife down and talk to me please" after few seconds you dropped the knife on the ground.

Then you collapsed and started crying. After putting the knife out of your reach Ryoma was beside you.

You told him how horrible you had felt and the reasons why you wanted to end it and Ryoma couldn't understand you better.

His words were honest as he tried to give you an advice. It was your first conversation like this. Maybe it was because he had never suspected to see you trying to kill yourself? Who may know honestly.

After you were calm he promised himself to often check on you in case you felt even slightly close to what you felt this night.

Gundham Tanaka

"CEASE YOUR ACTION!" his voice was even louder than usual wich scared you and because of that you dropped the knife. It almost landed on your feet but you dodged it.

After the sound of knife falling there was no noise the two of you looked at one another for few seconds but it felt much longer than it actually was.

When he took a step forward you took a step back but before you knew it he was hugging you closely. Perhaps he teleported or you were just so cut out from reality that you didn't notice him coming even closer.

"My dear... What had brought you to attempt such action as taking your own life?" his voice was now calm but you could feel his fast heartbeat.

You tried to explain it to him he listened to you and didn't interrupt before you were finished.

"I see... Next time my dark goddess I beg of you let me know about your suffering and damn me if I won't be able to save you from it" he pulled you away from the hug and the two of you looked at each other. His face showed very determined expression.

It was safe to say that he was there for you and he allways will be.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

"S/O!? WHY?" as you heard your name being called out you saw Kiyotaka tearing up as he was looking at you with shock.

You didn't answer. Being caught like this you couldn't bring yourself to face him.

Thinking he was disappointed in you you started feeling guilt and despair. Your breathing wasn't steady as you started feeling everything collapsing.

You bottled up everything for too long and when you finally were going to end it you were stopped. You became dizzy while various of thoughts rushed across your mind and before you knew it you were on the ground knife still in your hand.

It was his chance so he slowly approached you and when he was close enough he took the knife you gently held and put it away from you.

He was asking you again why whould you try to do something like this. You knew why but you didn't wanted to say it.

"I understand it might be difficult to say but S/O I can't help you when I don't know what your problem is. Whatever it is I will help you I promise" you tried to give him an answer you really did but you just couldn't.

He was allways patient with you but he just couldn't understand why you refused to respond.

So he started saying how much you mean to him. He told you how strong and amazing you were and he couldn't bring himself to even think what whould happen if he didn't stop you there.

It managed to help you come back to reality and when you teared up he asked if something else was wrong.

You told him that he was right that you shouldn't give up just now and you apologized to him for this incident.

Gonta Gokuhara

"NOOOOOO!" you turned your head just to see Gonta with tears in his eyes.

Upon seeing him you panicked and put the knife away just like you were trying to hide your attempted suicide.

"Why... Why whould you try to do this S/O?" his voice was heartbreaking.

You said that he whouldn't understand it and his response was simple "Then help Gonta understand it. I know that Gonta's not very smart but it is Gonta's role to support S/O! Even if it whould be something the smartest people whouldn't understand Gonta whould keep trying!"

You felt guilty for your words and Gonta could see regret in your eyes. He apologized for yelling as he hugged you saying how he just couldn't afford to lose you now or ever.

He told you more about how he wanted to help with whatever you were struggling with. Gonta thought his most important role was to protect you and that precious smile of yours.

Chihiro Fujisaki

"S-STOP IT PLEASE!" stuttering he ran towards you and smacked the knife away from your hand. He acted without thinking and was super lucky it landed far away.

You looked at him in surprise as he cried and hugged you "I'm so glad I made it just in time".

You could feel tears rolling down your cheeks aswell but your face didn't show any expression nor did you say anything.

"Why didn't you say anything? Why did you think that this was the best option!?" the embrace got slightly tighter.

You kept it short since you didn't see the point in lying at this point.

"I... I had no idea... I'm so sorry S/O I should have seen that you were hurting!" he admitted "But you can't give up no matter what. I know it might sound selfish but you are far too important for me and I just can't think of my life without you in it! The very thought of it..." he didn't finish his thought but you knew where it was coming.

Chihiro however wasn't done he kept saying how strong you were. He tried to help you out of your state by showing you his support and admiration.

K1B0

"S/O!?" his eyes widen in shock upon seeing what you were about to do wich you didn't blame him for honesty.

Obviously enough he asked for your reasons he was very concerned and tried desperately to talk this out with you.

You thought you might as well say some excuse... But it didn't matter... Nothing matters.

You admitted to him that you couldn't take it anymore that you just wanted everything to stop explaining what you recently have gone through.

And he couldn't belive that he didn't knew nor noticed any of this and apologized to you for it.

But he didn't stop there "S/O even though I don't understand how you feel and probably never will... I just want to let you know that there never will be a reason for you to kill yourself since even if the worst thing possible whould be to happen you are stronger than that and you always can cut through it and even if somehow you whouldn't be able to... I'll be there to help" he stayed calm and acted differently than when he saw you at first. Perhaps since there wasn't any danger he managed to be more collected on the matter.

If his words didn't convince you he kept trying until he was sure that you knew that you had him on his side and that he whould help you in any way possible.

Fujuhiko Kuzuryu

"I WON'T LET YOU-!" he was by your side before you know it as he took the knife from you tossing it aside not caring where it landed.

He then held both of your hands trying to hold back his tears as he yelled "S/O why!?" he sounded angry but you knew him well enough that it was out of shock mixed with worry and confusion.

Still you told yourself that he was angry at you and you apologized wich confused him even more "Why are you apologizing? None of this is your damn fault you know" this time his voice was a bit more quiet.

"Look I have no idea why someone as amazing as you whould do something like this and I have no idea how to react so if you thought I am mad at you it's not the case" he paused "Just please tell me what's wrong I don't want to just stand and do nothing while you suffer" he was getting desperate and you couldn't ignore him.

So you quickly said what was the issue. You didn't go much into detail but it was hard for you to say all those things that destroyed you completely.

Now he was mad. Not at you but at himself he couldn't belive that you were going through hell and he didn't know about any of this.

He swore to you that he will do whatever it takes to help you with your problems.

After all you were the love of his life and he was super close to losing you he won't take any risks that next time it might actually happen.

Nekomaru Nidai

"WHAT!?" after you turned around after hearing his voice he felt like his body moved on his own. He took that knife away from you and placed it somewhere else fast.

He was pretty careless accidentally ended up with a small cut but he didn't notice it. Now he was fully focused on you.

"Did you... Really tried to do it?" he said not believing what he just had witnessed. You didn't knew what to say honestly. Were you supposed to admit? Or were you supposed to come up with excuse of some sorts?

You felt lost and couldn't even try to say anything at this point wich caused Nekomaru to worry even further "I understand it might be difficult for you to talk about it and I won't force you to say anything..." he paused "But if I can help you with anything let me know. In the meantime I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel happy again!" saying it with more enthusiasm Nekomaru hugged you quite tightly.

Leon Kuwata

"WHAT THE-... S/O?!" he instantly ran towards you and took that knife from you.

He was rather fast and you didn't even realize you didn't had that knife in your hand.

You refused to look at him as he had both of his hands on your shoulders. His arms were trembling.

"Look at me please" you could hear that he tried to remain calm but did awfully bad job at doing so.

You did as he asked but you didn't say anything so he spoke up yet again "Tell me why!? Why whould you do that!?" he sounded angry even though he was just worried and rather scared.

Your silence was breaking his heart "Dammit S/O I beg you... Please cooperate with me" you could see him slowly tearing up "You mean a lot to me you know. Just please tell me what pushed you to this state that's all I ask for"

He thought that he was a horrible boyfriend but now it wasn't the time to think of himself you were the most important now.

"Whatever your reasons are I'm sure that together we can overcome it. I promise you just please don't ever try to end your life" he put his hand on your cheek.

Your mind was racing back and forth but in the end you agreed to accept his help.

"You have no idea how glad I am" he hugged you tightly.

Kaito Momota

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he couldn't belive his eyes but he immediately took action. He took the knife away from you. He threw it carelessly away but nothing bad happened.

Himself he didn't knew what he was even doing he acted but didn't think. All he wanted to do was to save you.

He hugged you and you felt his fast heartbeat he held you close like he whould never let go "God I never thought you whould scare me like this... Why didn't you tell me anything?"

He sighed to himself "Well I guess now I shouldn't be asking you anything. For now let's focus on everything but that since you probably don't want to talk about it"

You didn't expect him to react like this but it was quite nice that he tried to understand.

The two of you continued talking (whether you wanted to say what brought you to attempting such a thing or not).

He promised you to help you out whatever your problem was and you knew him enough to know that he fully meant it.

Shuichi Saihara

"S/O NO!" you turned your head and saw him. His face expression was mixed and you were surprised by his sudden appearance in general.

It made you drop the knife on accident but luckily it landed on the ground and not your feet.

He was surprised by it and ran towards you "S-S/O! Are you okay!?" he said checking if you had any injuries.

But you stopped him and told him that no harm was done... At least to your body at the moment.

As he looked up he saw despair in your eyes. Of course he knew what you were trying to do the 'checkup' was just to make sure you did no harm to yourself.

In general he noticed that you were acting a little bit differently but he just didn't expect this to happen.

Honestly he didn't knew what exactly you felt at the moment... But he felt like he understood it.

"I know that you feel like there is no escape and that there is nothing to do but to give up but both of us know that you are strong enough to push further. You can't give up S/O even if something bad happens simply giving up won't solve anything"

You could argue against it but you just didn't have enough energy for that. He understood you and told you that you could talk about it later if now wasn't the right time.

Kazuichi Souda

"P-PUT THE KNIFE AWAY!" as you turned you saw him obviously freaking out. You did as he asked since there was no point.

After all you didn't wanted to bring him despair by doing it literally in front of him. You felt even more terrible when you saw his reaction at attempt itself.

He didn't knew what to do or say but he was glad that you stopped what you were doing. He sighed in relief "Please tell me it was a joke. You scared the shit out of me" he knew it wasn't the case but he wanted to believe that you didn't wanted to die.

The fact that you didn't react to it was a sign that you were really going to do it. Even though he wasn't good at talks like this he wanted to help you more than anything.

"You know you never stop surprising me" his voice was nervous "I don't know if it's a bad or good thing but sure enough I will always stay with you and support you you know? So please promise me that you won't try something like this ever again" he begged.

Your conversation continued and Kazuichi was afraid that he whould say something dumb but everything went well in the end.

Rantaro Amami

"HOLD IT!" now that he got your attention he spoke again slowly and calmly "S/O... Put the knife away"

You hesitated for few seconds but you put the knife away "Good" he muttered under his breath and moved closer towards you.

He was really glad that he just happened to see you becouse otherwise? He whouldn't even want to think about finding your corpse.

You on the other hand felt shame... He caught you in your act and now you whould have to explain things to him since you doubt he whould just ignore it.

You teared up slightly as you thought about all that horrible stuff you have been through. Rantaro placed his hand on your cheek "It's okay S/O" you looked up at him and he continued "You don't need to say anything if you don't want to. But know this that I won't let you give up" you hugged him and he wasn't hesitant to hug you back.

Mondo Oowada

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" his sudden shout scared you and he immediately apologized for it.

He wanted to know why whould you do something like this but he just couldn't get himself to say anything.

What he had to say really? Was he supposed to ask what's wrong or should he push the topic later?

You couldn't bring himself to face him you put the knife away and looked away from him. He allways told you how strong you were while in fact you thought of yourself as the weakest.

You felt his hand on your shoulder but you still refused to look up. His voice didn't raise this time but it still sounded a bit intimidating as he said "Who made you think that dying was the only option for you?"

You didn't say anything since in the end you were the one who decided it. Your silence didn't irritate him but worried him even further.

"S/O you know you are the strongest person I know right? You might not think that that's the case and you just want every worry to go away but... Shit I am really not making things better am I?" he wanted to punch himself so hard for saying something as stupid.

So he decided that instead of trying to put his feelings in words he just decided to say what he whould like to hear instead "Damn it S/O we both know that things allways will be hard and there are shit ton of stuff that we will have to go through 'till we die. So instead of giving up let's overcome what makes us weak and destroy it together how 'bout that?"

You looked at him and wiped away your tears and accepted his help wich made him more than happy.

Korekiyo Shinguji

"I'M NOT LETTING YOU-" even though it was risky he ran towards you and took the knife away from you. Even though he was quick and his actions were far from careful neither of you were injured.

You looked at him and you didn't need to see underneath his mask to know that he felt surprised.

His usually calm and collected voice was shaky as he said "W-why whould- I don't-" he couldn't even collect his thoughts to say anything as he thought of possibly seeing your dead body if he didn't notice you earlier. The thought itself made him tremble and even tear up.

Seeing his reaction made him think of the same as well and you started apologizing. Saying sorry like there was no other word in dictionary over and over again and with each one his heart broke.

Both of you were emotional wrecks at the time to say the least.

"That's enough S/O" he said stopping your apologies "There is nothing you should apologize for my love. All I can ask for is to never try something like this again. You matter too much to me and I promise you that I will destroy anything that will stand in your way" you could feel how serious Korekiyo was it felt in some way comforting and in the other intimidating.

The discussion moved forwards and he listened carefully to each of your words and didn't even think of interrupting you unless you were finished.

He reassured you that he isn't going to stay indifferent to what you had gone through and he managed to convince you to keep going.

Teruteru Hanamura

"DROP THE KNIFE!" his terrified scream filled the room as you were just about to go with the stab.

Your eyes widen upon seeing him and you quickly put the knife away just like you tried to hide it.

Even though he was still surprised he decided to not say anything that related to your attempt at suicide instead he focused on seeing you smile again.

It might be dumb and his reasons might be idiotic in someone's opinion but he didn't care enough.

"S/O listen to me you absolute star I won't let you give up you hear me" even though he was smiling he was really nervous one wrong step and he might ruin everything.

"There is nothing like you S/O nothing as sweet but spicy at the same time there is just no way to describe how amazing and strong you are. You may think that there is something that is stopping you from continuing living but I tell you that I won't let anything beat you" his voice was filled with passion "Things do get better and I won't let you think otherwise"

He kept saying tons of compliments and threw some jokes here and there untill you smiled at least slightly.

Hajime Hinata

"WAIT!" you heard him from the other side of the room. You didn't notice him follow you but then again if you saw him you whouldn't try killing yourself.

He was still shocked "For how long were you bottling this up?" you didn't answer by now you lost track of time so you didn't even know how to answer.

He pretty much thought of this possibility but still asked just to make sure.

"I know that I might not know how you feel but let me try to understand you or at least help you" he felt pretty hopeless since he whould be able to do much unless you cooperate.

"Listen I know it's hard to say about all this stuff you were through but you can't let whatever it is to control you. You are a wonderful person and definitely worth more than you can imagine" the first sentence felt like scolding but you knew what he meant.

You decided to accept his help but not for yourself. You did it for him.

Makoto Naegi

"S-S/O-!?" he got your attention so you turned to look at him. You thought you were just hearing things so you couldn't belive that he was actually there.

"Please S-stop it. Put the knife away I'm sure we can talk this out together" since there was no point you placed the knife back where you got it from.

In your eyes there was so much despair it looked quite scary in it's own way... Expecially for someone who loves you.

So he had to fight for you. For your hope. But most importantly your life.

"Things are harsh I know this but nothing will ever change if you won't try. Even if you think that there is no light for you don't give up. You might think that there is no other way. You might think that nobody cares but you can't be more wrong on that. There is many things you can achieve and many things you can change and people are here for you you aren't alone and won't ever be I can guarantee you that"

His speech was actually much longer than that after he found the reason why you wanted to kill yourself in the first place. But no matter how many times you tried to ignore his words he found his way back in.

He whouldn't give up until you promised to not ever even think of killing yourself.

Yasuhiro Hagakure

"DOOOON'T!" he ran towards you in order to take the knife from you. If you whouldn't be surprised by his presence or you somehow didn't hear his scream you whould be done for.

After he got a good grip of it he yanked the knife away from you "Why!?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

He whould never expect you even whould try something like this... But I guess he can't predict everything.

You told him shortly how you felt recently. But you didn't say anything about events that pushed you to it itself.

He couldn't belive that he was oblivious to your suffering all this time it was his chance to change it.

Even though he was freaking out he managed to get himself together. You needed comfort and he had to provide it.

He invited you for a hug and you accepted it "I understand that things are tough on you and I know that you feel like there is no escape but you know... When there is no escape you can allways ask for help. There are many people who can lift the weight you are carrying and if you somehow don't find anyone I can lift all of that. I know this might sound wierd from someone who allways relies on others but for you I can do just about anything and I want you to never forget that"

Byakuya Togami

"STOP THIS INSTANT!" you heard him loud and clear. For you it was obvious that he will demand you to explain everything to him.

Before he said anything more you felt like a failure. You fell down on your knees and lost a grip of the knife as soon as your body hit the ground.

As he saw it he immediately checked if you didn't injure yourself.

His silence was something that made your thoughts go wild on how disappointed he must be.

"What kind of hell did you go through in order to even think that you don't want to live anymore" he said quietly to himself but you could hear it.

"More importantly did you try to hide it from me!?" his voice was suddenly louder but he wasn't done "For how long I will live I won't let you suffer nor will I let you die do you understand?"

Honestly you didn't knew how to react to that but he definitely waited for your response.

And since you didn't give him any he tried to convince you until you agreed.

As distant as he sometimes can be he was never ignoring your feelings so it was obvious that he tried anything in his power to make you feel happy again.

Kokichi Ouma

"DON'T EVEN TRY IT!" when you heard his voice you immediately put the knife away thinking that you could think of some excuse "S/O please don't throw such an obvious lies at me"

You felt even worse at that point you just sat on the ground and covered your face with your hands since you didn't wanted him to look at you at this state.

He sat next to you "Now tell me what's wrong or I will find the answer myself the hard way" you didn't even want to think what he possibly meant by that.

So after he got the answer whether it took longer or you told him sooner he said to you "Now listen to me S/O. If you think that I will let something happen like this to stop you from living then you are wrong. Really I feel kinda stupid for having to state the obvious"

Even though this was rather serious matter Kokichi managed to keep his signature smile on his face "Your Supreme leader got this. Your problems will be gone before you know it just leave it to me"

Nagito Komaeda

"WAIT DON'T!" he wasn't expecting this view in the slightest. The person who was shining with the brightest hope was filled with despair all along.

Komaeda tried to do this slowly since he understood how it feels when you are close to ending it all. But he allways lacked the willpower to actually do this.

You however made all of these feelings go away and now it was his turn to save you.

"Look at me S/O you DON'T want to do this. Together we will fight and keep fighting with despair that is inside you and replace it with hope instead. I know that you are stronger than this" after his little speech you put the knife away.

Even though he knew it wasn't the end so he kept pushing "You are the most lively light that can overcome any darkness and I think... No... I KNOW that you can win in the end"

~Mod Angie

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himbo-buckley · 5 years ago

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Intimacy, Sex and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 2

G’day friends, family and lost travelers! Welcome back to another instance of: I read too much into things!

This is where we really dive into the Character analysis and it’s gonna be a fun ride!!! (well, maybe. For me at least because thanks to 3.16 I am living! That episode validated me so much and now I truly believe I am right)

This is part two of a three part Meta / Character Analysis, and while you probably don’t need to read part 1, I would recommend it, so here is the link:

part 1

Also:

I should preface this by saying this meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics.

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney* voice we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something?

This Meta will so far have three parts (this is part two), one for each season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along

So here goes nothing, Season 2: (Also called „Why is Ryan naked so much?“)

Episode 2.01:

I’m not gonna talk a lot about this episode, because I feel like it’s been analysed to death already. Important to know is that Buck hasn’t yet given up on Abby coming back (see the shower scene), he is very lonely and there is a lot of homo- erotic tension.

Basically this episode goes like this:

Buck *after meeting Eddie*: nooooo, Dad, I don’t want a brother! He’s better than me! Put him back where he came from!

Eddie *takes one look at Buck*: Ui, you guys lied, he’s an ass - I like it! This is way better! We’re gonna be friends!

And then Buddie decides to something stupid to prove themselves (to each other) and they end up saving the day and bonding.

Also Eddie saying: „You guys hungry?“ after the Ambulance blows up? Iconic! He is such a little shit.

Episode 2.02 / 2.03:

(I’m putting them together because two-parter)

This episodes truly proves how hard they’ve already bonded, despite Buck not even knowing Eddie has a kid yet, especially from Eddie’s point of view: I actually think he started seeing Buck as his partner first.

I love how he always takes charge, even in his first episode and expects Buck to go along with it - which Buck does (after some initial reluctance), because Buck is good at following orders and trusts Eddie. It might be an army thing, probably is an Eddie likes control thing. What is truly unique about Buddie, is the fact that Eddie defers to Buck’s judgement as needed, something he doesn’t do with anyone else, I think, unless the chain of command tells him to. Just look at how annoyed he is by Ali and her interfering.

That being said it really isn’t all to relevant for this meta, except to say: Interest- ing how fast they trusted each other and became a unit - I guess it’s true what they say: birds of a feather flock together.

Episode 2.04:

Here we get our first real insights into Eddie’s character (aside from that he is a little shit and likes to take charge) as well as some very nice shots of the man’s body, proving my theory that someone in charge really wants to get busy with Ryan Guzman. Which I am not exactly complaining about.

I do think however it’s a very noticable shift from the way they treat the other young, attractive guy in the cast. I talked about this a little in the first part of this Meta, how they went out of their way to hold Buck accountable and make him relatable, but refused to bank on his sex appeal, aside from a few scenes which mostly were about explaining why Abby reached out to him (and uh, we do not need to talk about how creepy that really was, do we?). Eddie though really gets sexualised from the get go. Or maybe that’s just me and I missed something? (Someone with more insight on such topics take the wheel? Because that really isn’t my area of expertice and I don’t wanna say anything false)

A main difference between Buck and Eddie at this point (or in general) is that Buck is always looking for connection. He craves emotional intimacy but it scares him because he cares too much and people keep leaving so he searches out physical intimacy - or he used to. Actually by Season 2 Buck is actively looking to connect emotionally with another person.

Eddie on the other hand isn’t even on the same level as Pilot!Buck, because he avoids both physical and emotional intimacy (except with Buck because, you know, steam engine). The episode implies that it might be caused by Shannon leaving, but the rest of Season 2 and specifically Season 3 show us that it’s an Eddie thing (likely caused by his upbringing if you fast forward to 3.15). And it really makes me want to know how Shannon and Eddie met and how long they had been dating before she got pregnant. Probably not that long tbh.

One thing to notice about the episode is that it parallels Eddie both with Buck (neither wants to date one of those girls, both deflect about their reasons) and with Abby - watch 1.03 and 2.04 back to back, both are about a character taking care of a special needs family member, both have another family member consider them stuck when they themselves do not and both feature Buck trying to help (passively by talking to Abby on the phone vs. actively by having Eddie and Carla meet)

Also as I pointed out in another post the conversation about dating is kind of similar to the car conversation, and I really am clowning now - which is why I will not try and parallel the conversation between Maddie and Buck with the one between Bobby and Buck in 1.09!

I still don’t fully understand the need for that scene (you know which one) aside from being another instance where the boys get sexualised and giving us our first insight into Eddie romantically and also the first time he uses Christopher as a shield (also not the last).

The general take away from the episode is that Eddie is bad at asking for help and Buck is bad at asking for permission which means they fit really well - because Eddie doesn’t have to voice his needs and Buck doesn’t have to feel bad about steamrolling him.

In terms of the overall theme of this meta your main takeaway from this episode should be:

Buck - no longer substituting physical intimacy for emotional intimacy but also not seeking out emotional intimacy, both because he has a connection through Maddie and is building one with Eddie but also because he still considers himself spoken for, though the episode ends with him realicing he might not be (and then he keeps realising, because he is one stubborn mf).

Eddie - avoiding both physical and emotional intimacy and using Christopher to deflect, mainly because he doesn’t have the time for either (but still getting a connection through Buck, thanks to someone just punching right through his boundaries)

Episode 2.05:

no relevance, our boys are barely in it

Episode 2.06:

Well, if you want to write about Buddie crumbs than yeah, definitely important. Also, you can draw a definite parallel between Abby and Taylor, because Buck knew both their voices before he saw their faces and built an emotional connection to those voices. This fits because, well, Buck is afraid of emotional intimacy, but when it’s just a voice it’s easier for him to let himself be vulnerable cause it’s not an actual person.

Plus, considering the thing with Taylor is one sided prior to their meeting, he isn’t actually cheating on Abby. Or so Buck thinks. (Also Taylor doesn’t have a chance to hurt Buck and leave him because you know, she is not aware he exists?)

Also Eddie talks about becoming a firefighter because he missed the camaraderie of the army - aka the emotional connection he had with his squadron (is that the right term?). So technically he did actively try and seek it out - to a point at least. Because, as I will discuss in Part 3, Eddie may consider the 118 his family but his relationship with the other three firefighters in not on the same level than the one he has with Buck.

Episode 2.07:

Let’s all give a warm welcome to Shannon Diaz! I like Shannon, I think she is great (I also think she and Eddie are similar because they both run away from problems which is why they would never work out - unlike another possible relationship mentioned sporadically in this Meta, hint hint ;) ... okay, moving on)

We learn that „not in the picture“ means Eddie is still married, which begs the question how much Eddie has told Carla and the 118 about Shannon up to this point (as little as possible), what they assume about her (probably the worst) and if Eddie ever sets the record straight (I’m assuming yes, because while Eddie doesn’t share - Eddie is also protective of his family and Shannon is his family for better or worse - I really wish they didn’t kill her off and instead played out the divorce storyline because there was so much chance for growth! Although that was probably too similar to Athena and Michael, which is why they didn’t do it. So they fridged her. Damn, and I am still salty about it.)

I really love when she comes to the house, because we learn so much about them as a couple. Like how her eyes grow warm when he opens the door but Eddie’s don’t but then he goes in to hug her (and you can really tell that Ryan Guzman is an athlete in the way that he always acts with his whole body and conveys so much through movement). And the fact that Shannon immediately pushes to meet Christopher (probably because with Eddie you need to push, because he is very stubborn and also in need of control), and her saying she never thought Eddie would be into something so fancy? Yet another insight into Eddie’s character and into his upbringing, which while probably not poor seems to have been fairly modest.

Also love how they fight almost right from the get go, implying that it is their normal (as proven in 3.15). They really never stood a chance!

There is a lot of backstory we get through their fighting, both at the house and at the school, most notably that even in marriage Eddie was never able to fully open up to Shannon - aka be emotionally intimate with her. Which made her feel very alone.

And I don’t wanna defend Shannon and her actions because other people have said it before and this is not what this Meta is about but I can see her point of view. With Eddie and the way he just always needs to be in control and make the decisions she probably thought she had to do something drastic to get him to notice her and her struggles.

Interestingly enough Eddie is emotionally vulnerable with Shannon at the end when he tells her that he understands why she left and that he misses her, but then he immediately kisses her and look, we don’t know what happens next but we can guess from the latter episodes.

And look, tbh with Eddie it’s a little bit harder to draw the line between physical and emotional intimacy than with Buck because Eddie’s love language is touch and actions, so technically in a way he is always emotionally intimate when he is physically intimate (probably why he didn’t wanna go out with any of the girls in 2.04 - Eddie, different to Buck, can not just separate feelings from sex, while Buck has a hard time reconciling the two)

On Buck’s side of this Meta he finally comes to terms with Abby leaving, which doesn’t have too much relevance for this meta except there are a lot of parallels between Buddie in terms of: how long is too long to wait - because while Eddie pretends to have given up on Shannon, he actually hasn’t, whereas Buck outwardly is still waiting for Abby but on the inside has given up hope - something they both come to terms with in this episode

Episode 2.08:

Fun fact: The german title of this Episode is Lovestorys. Can you guess if there is anything of relevance in it?

Okay, first off for the millionth time, in case you haven’t read part 1 or you aren’t convinced yet or maybe you just forgot: Evan „Buck“ Buckley was never a sex addict. Kay? Good.

Also, remember when I said the show doesn’t sexualise Oliver the way it does Ryan? Yeah, this episode exactly. Buck has sex twice and we see less of his body than of Eddie just getting out of bed. Is it a contract thing? Was Ryan always running around naked on set? Did Oliver refuse to take his shirt off? Is he always cold because he’s vegan? Should I figure out Twitter just to ask the cast these questions?

(Also, remember when I said with Buck it’s mostly Girl on top, yay, it stays true)

In terms of actual relevant story, there’s that woman on the freeway (highway? Idk guys, I’m not from the US) reinforcing that Buck has finally accepted that Abby and him are over and then there’s the Taylor Kenny - story, which is sort of just beating the bush of sexual vs emotional intimacy with Buck trying for the latter and only finding the former (remember the Brunette from the Pilot? Yeah, that’s why I’m reminding you).

What I like is the fact that, after spending so much time calling out Buck 1.0 (and they should, because stealing a fire truck? Twice? Babe, for realsies?), this episode went: look, maybe girls like meaningless sex, too? Although, technically they have been telling us from the the beginning, that those girl were using Buck in the same way he was using them (again with the Brunette) - Buck just never understood that until Taylor.

We also get the soulmate scene with the very sweet couple, once again, rein- forcing how lonely Buck is and how much he is craving love and a connection and stability. That really is what his character boils down to at the end of the day: a lost kid trying to find his place in the world. And now I’m sad.

As for the Ali storyline, oh man, I’d really rather ignore it? Not because I have anything against the character per sey it’s just - we get to see their first meeting and then 5 episodes later their first date and by the end of the season they are in love love except by Season 3 she is gone? And in between she is hardly ever mentioned? So I really don’t know how to comment on their relationship in terms of this meta and what it means for Buck except: I think it was one of those right times right moment kind of things and Buck is sort of transfering a lot of his wishes and needs and feelings onto her, but their relationship has a weak foundation, which is why it ended so fast (except we don’t know how fast it ended because there is a 5 month gap between Season 2 and 3 and the breakup gets mentioned one (1) time. Soooooo...)

And Eddie, well, he was in the episode.

Episode 2.09:

I like this episode a lot and it tells us so much about Hen’s issues, but in terms of this meta: no relevance!

Sidenote: I do always forget they did Hen before they did Chim. Then again this episode in general feels very disconnected because there was no prompting, no connection to the present.

Episode 2.10:

Ah, yes, that one! The gift that keeps on giving in terms of Eddie and this meta (and also Buddie, but I’m trying not to be ship-y around here)

(One tiny sidenote though, I do think we see Eddie roll of off Shannon, and, while I don’t want to reinforce some stereotype about Top and Bottom, because I am not a gay man and therefore not qualified to comment, with Buck it’s generally girl on top? So Buck usually lets his partner set the pace while Eddie prefers to be the one in control? Okay, you know what, let’s just say it fits with their characters and maybe they match and leave it at that?)

(also, again with the Ryan shirtless, I mean, not that I am complaining, it’s just ... yeah, please, someone who knows this stuff come talk to me about it and explain because I don’t know and maybe I am seeing things?)

(sidenote #3 with actual relevance: They did not mention Buck’s girlfriend even once. They never do until the final.)

First of, this episode proofs what I said before: With Eddie there is no separating Sex and feelings. It is interconnected („We are working things out.“).

Also there is a point to be made about Eddie and control. So far we have always seen Eddie be the one in control and make decisions and this is our first real indicator that it actually bothers him, that maybe he wants someone else to tell him what’s right or wrong, too.

I’m gonna fast forward a bit, because we are nearly at the end of Season 3 irl and so far we have seen Eddie ask for help several times but only with two people - Buck and Lena - he actually takes the advice. I don’t want to say too much because it really fits better in Season 3, but wether you ship them or not, it is noticeable that out of everyone Buck is the one Eddie let’s help the most. The one he trusts the most.

(Man, they are both just two lost boys looking for their home, aren’t they? (and now I am sad again.))

There is also the topic of trust brought up, which you know, we hear about a few times from Eddie, and it really is such a big thing for him, isn’t it?

To fast forward again, that is one big difference between Eddie and Buck. Both struggle with self worth and trust but while Buck’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t trust people to like him, if they actually get to know him (or if they even want to get to know him), Eddie just plain old does not trust people? Because Eddie is a pessimist, so he doesn’t even try to connect, while Buckeroo trusts way too much and too easily and he is such an optimist and gives away everything and then he still isn’t enough - and then and only then does he give up hope (which is something we see happen in canon maybe twice? With Abby, maybe with Ali, and with Christopher, but again, Season 3 you guys!)

These two really are the different sides of the same coin, huh?

In relevance to this Meta, Eddie is trying very much this whole episode to be open and vulnerable and he struggles so much because he is very scared. The main issue with Eddie is always (and specifically with Shannon) by making himself vulnerable, he opens Christopher up to getting hurt as well (and vice versa because he can’t let Shannon into his son’s life without letting her into his own life) and this is what we see him struggle with in this episode and also what intensifies his already existing issues with intimacy throughout the show in general, his need to protect his son.

It should be noted that in the end Eddie puts Christopher’s wishes above his own well-being which is in fact what he will always do because Christopher is the most important person in his life.

As for Buck in this episode, well, after having so much development in his last episode, he really was there more as a sounding board for other characters. However I will mention that, after the show points out the whole thing is none of his business twice, Eddie then turns around and makes the Shannon thing Buck’s business, because well, connected and all that. Trusting and giving up control. Emotional intimacy. Just repeating myself now.

Episode 2.11: No relevance.

Episode 2.12: No relevance.

Episode 2.13: No real relevance.

There is the scene in the hospital between Buck and Eddie that reinforces the peas in a pot thing they got going on and a reverse from the Christmas Episode when Eddie asked Buck about what he should do. Here Eddie acts as the sounding board (even though Buck has already done the thing but then so has Eddie by hiding Shannon).

This is also yet another instance of Buck trying to help another person with no regard for his own safety but I’m with Eddie here: I have sisters as well. I too would do countless stupid things to save them with no regard to my own safety and I’m a girl - I was not raised on the believe that is was my job to protect them from harm like both Buck and Eddie probably were (because gender rolls).

Also Buck thinks it’s his fault that Doug even found Maddie and Eddie explains to him why its bull. To reinforce the whole connection thing, it is very noticeable that these two always give each other exactly what the other needs - with Eddie from the get go always working on building up Buck’s self worth and Buck always lending a hand to Eddie and taking control when needed (remember Carla? That was Buck taking control for Eddie because Eddie didn’t know what to do).

There is also the short scene when Shannon comes to the hospital and it prob- ably did a lot to help rebuild Eddies trust in his wife.

Episode 2.14:

STOP MAKING EVAN BUCKLEY WORRY ABOUT HIS FAMILY 2k21 (because it’s too late for anything before that)

It’s also our first real: Eddie can be a dumbass, too sighting and there is that one scene (you know which one) which in text is not shippy at all, but ended up in every gifset because Oliver is looking at Ryan like he wants to eat him alive.

Aside from that, this episode really isn’t about them and that’s okay.

Episode 2.15: Crime is hard. That is all.

Episode 2.16: No relevance.

Episode 2.17:

First of all, Eddie is not shirtless? At the beach? Damn, what’s wrong, 911? Is it because Gavin was there? Have you used up all your contracted shirtless scenes by now? Did Ryan find out he was the only one running around set half naked?

Also poor Eddie, you know, you’d think getting married your done having those: what are we - conversations and then bam: there it is again. He really can’t catch a break, can he?

Also I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: Eddie Diaz is not in love with Shannon. Maybe he has never been or maybe he just stopped at some point, but right then and there he isn’t in love with her. He does however love her deeply (she is after all the mother of his son) and she is his family which is sort of where the problem in their relationship lies. Because Eddie, who has problems with trust and intimacy, frankly doesn’t care enough about Shannon (and also doesn’t trust her enough) to try and be open and vulnerable with her, which is what he needs to be in order for them to work, a fact that Shannon seems to be aware of and have accepted.

(Because if you have to wait for a sign on what to do in your relationship, yeah, you already know - you’re just not accepting it.)

And this episode is so heartbreaking and I just had to stop myself from ugly crying because Shannon loves Christopher so very much. And I just hate that they killed her off, so in my mind I have already half plotted a fix it fic in which she survives because that was just unnecessary angst.

Though that’s the topic of another post.

In terms of the relationship-story I am similarly floored as I am by the „Help!“ scene because (at least for me) this is the first time I have seen media really address that yes, you can be a good parent and still not be ready for a serious relationship because those two things are very different. Sure, you sometimes see examples of it through subtext but never before has it been so outright stated.

And I like that both Shannon and Eddie ask themselves that question, but come to a different conclusion - or actually they don’t. Like I said above, for Eddie this relationship fits because it’s easy and he doesn’t have to change or better adapt. He can just keep avoiding the hard stuff (being vulnerable) and still have the good stuff (sex). And then Shannon might be pregnant again and look at his speech at the restaurant: He is basically saying our child is awesome, so we should get back together because if we make such awesome children than we can’t be that bad together. And that is so very wrong, which Shannon understands.

The problem is, that Eddie doesn’t fully understand why their marriage hasn’t worked in the first place. If you tie it into 3.15 Eddie Begins, I think for Eddie, the reason why Shannon left him was a little to get back at him for leaving her and a lot about feeling left alone and being unable to cope with raising their child alone, but all of that is gonna be different now because he will be there for her physically and emotionally as he is no longer in the army! So the issue is solved. They should be a family again. Even without a new kid. After all: they love each other.

And look, those are all fair reasons and true but the thing Eddie doesn’t understand about relationships in general and his marriage to Shannon in particular is that she also needs him to be emotionally vulnerable with her. Shannon needs Eddie to let her be there for him, just like he is trying to be there for her. Because relationships are always a two way street.

SO obviously this is where the episode ended. There were no more scenes af- ter that. Nope. Bit weird how it was so short but you do you, 911, you do you!

And well, Buck was there too.

Episode 2.18:

I’m just gonna come out and say it: Ramon and Helena are bad parents. Flying to your daughter-in-law’s funeral only to bad mouth her and then try to take your son’s son away again? Yeah, I do not like your style. I wonder how much of Eddie Begins was already planned at this point or if they built that plot about his family for 3.15 based on this episode. Huh. We might never know. (except Twitter)

Also me thinks Eddie choose LA because of Pepa and Abuela, not because of Shannon. She was probably just a bonus.

As for Buck (and Ali): the actors seem to have had fun doing those scenes? I guess? Other than that it’s a little cringy and very out of nowhere and probably more caused by the show having money left over and deciding to built a new set. ANd damn what a set. I wonder how Buck is supposed to be able to afford that because that apartment has probably about 50-75m2 considering there is a kitchen and a living room as well as a room behind the living room and probably an extra room in the upper floor as well (someone do a floorplan and also tell me why Buck needs so much space and wether they think I could move in with him. My apartment is not this nice and LA isn’t that long a commute).

Point being I don’t know why they brought Ali back in the first place, especially in this episode. She was never mentioned after their first date, so why? Just to give people something to discuss during hiatus?

There was no point to have those two incredibly lovey dovey scenes only to have that scenes about what he wants to do next because all those scenes? Would have worked just fine with, you know, his sister (except a little different because incest). Who actually has the what if you can’t go back to being a firefighter - scene with him. So why have a girlfriend you barely introduced and never used before? I’m not mad, 911, just confused! (Fuck me, I really am getting twitter)

As for the topic of this meta, there really isn’t much too tell. Ali honestly doesn’t figure into things except to create more abandonment issues.

I should point out that this episode reinforced the whole Buddie connection thing - from Eddie holding Buck’s hand the whole while he’s pinned to saying „Almost (back to normal)“ to Buck going to Eddie’s ceremony despite probably still being on somewhat of a bed rest.

Other than that, that’s it for Season 2. Whew!

Before I let ya’ll off the hook, though (look, you’ve read it this far, you can now just bear it a bit longer) I wanna comment real quick:

Compared to Season 1 Buck barely had any character development (mainly because he had so much in Season 1 and sometimes stuff like that needs to settle - real life would be the same way)

Eddie however has nearly no development at all and in fact as of Season 3, not a lot has changed in that regard. His issues just became more obvious. Which is something I actually like a lot, because one: he went through a lot of shit in a fairly short amount of time and two: he is such a stubborn and reserved character, anything else wouldn’t be in character and ultimately feel rushed. Plus, because this is his personality it’s feels like we’re actually getting to know him like you would a person in real life? Piece by piece, no unnecessary exposition. Or maybe that’s just me, I don’t really know anything about storytelling.

I also want to comment on Buddie real quick because it would be dishonest if I didn’t and also it’s just glaring me in the face:

The thing is, while I do not necessarily believe they have any intention of making them romantic (because I have been burned too often and just recently by a show that liked to praise itself for its diversity (so a heartfelt fuck you to Sera Gamble and who ever decided to kill off Quentin Coldwater, because that character mattered so much and you destroyed it)), I do think we are right when we talk about connection and parallels and being each others person and just generally being each others closest relationship. Because they parallel their stories so much and they connect them so often and they did do it from the get go like as early as Episode 4 - which was already written and probably already shot by the time Episode 1 aired. So there. I said it. Buddie is real, wether it’s platonic or romantic, it is real. And that also matters!

(although of course if they went with romantic? That would matter a bit more! Tim Minear, listen to me, you could make TV history! This would be bigger than Supergirl making the sister gay in the second season! Ya’ll would be legends, revered by fans for years to come! Also I’d bake you a cake?)

And there you have it! Season 2! We made it! And only like 2000 words more than Season 1.

Can you believe at this point I have written nearly 10.000 words on these two exceptional characters and their issues? And it’s technically only one issue, like I’m ignoring so much stuff just glaring at me right now!

(also on a side note, this is where I tag @angelcamael , who asked me to do so and @greyhello because she inspired me to write this meta in the first place and while it is now ... no longer about that original topic, I’m still gonna tag her)

#buck meta #eddie met #911 meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 #911 fox #mine #textpost #season 2 #buddie meta #meta #my meta

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satoisms · 4 years ago

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i think one of the most intriguing yet mysterious characters in all of given is yuki. there is so little we know about him and most of the information we are presented about yuki is from the perspectives of people who have an idealised version of yuki in their mind and thus view yuki a specific way which may or may not differ with how he actually was.

in given the main moments we’ve gotten glimpses of yuki that weren’t too greatly influenced by opinion or told to us by a character were the flashback during fuyu no hanashi where we see the time yuki and mafuyu met for the first time as children, the scene from the past where he and mafuyu went to the beach, and the small bit of mafuyu and yuki’s big fight that we did get to see. other than that most retellings of yuki come from mafuyu, yuki’s mom, and hiiragi’s respective perspectives, but most apparent retellings about yuki come from hiiragi.

hiiragi is probably one of the most unreliable sources to get any information about yuki from. while he, yuki, mafuyu, and shizusumi were all childhood friends from a young age it is very apparent he had some idealised version of yuki in his head. he viewed yuki and mafuyu’s relationship as perfect and didn’t see any of the problems with their relationship because he thought they were the best example of what true love was, but it’s clear they had their issues.

while the last conversation mafuyu and yuki had was the big fight the two had after things had reached their boiling point before mafuyu had found yuki a few days later in his room after he’d committed suicide that isn’t the only issue mafuyu and yuki had. while not blatantly pointed out the two had communication issues. a good example can be the fact that yuki knew full well mafuyu loved music, but rather than asking him if he wanted to write a song together or whether he wanted to join the band he, hiiragi, and shizusumi made he decided to work on writing a song for mafuyu without any input. it’s also shown they didn’t really see each other as often leading up to their big fight thanks to the band and yuki focusing on music and his part-time jobs. while we don’t know what yuki’s mindset was like he most definitely had issues of his own but it’s unknown to us readers what those were since none of those who have discussed yuki in the series have brought anything up aside from the big fight. that fight is seemingly the only negative moment we’ve come to know about. it isn’t even clear why he’d taken his own life.

in the strawberry swing special manga that was made to accompany the anime dvd/blu-ray releases yuki’s mom says the day after yuki’s death she received an order of cup ramen in the mail that yuki had placed. in some place he was thinking of the future, but also had done something very drastic that brought his life to an end. undoubtedly mafuyu puts blame on himself for yuki’s death given his last words to him along the lines of “would you die for me then?” when yuki told mafuyu he couldn’t live without him. those are incredibly heavy words to say and undoubtedly weigh heavily on mafuyu’s conscience given they were the last words he’d said to yuki. but even with those being mafuyu’s last words to yuki, yuki’s mother says for him to not blame himself for yuki’s passing. she believes there was more to it than the fight the two had while also telling mafuyu she believes he was yuki’s anchor.

it can be speculated that perhaps after their fight yuki felt guilt and had probably dwelled on the fact he and mafuyu’s relationship was not in a good state whatsoever. the person who was his anchor to keep him grounded wasn’t there and he’d hurt him. it’s told in the manga that the night he took his life he had drank a lot of alcohol prior to killing himself. alcohol can have quite the effect on a person and can rather amplify emotions and make people do things without as much worry for the consequences. we don’t know what yuki’s thoughts up to the end were, but we probably never will know given he isn’t here to tell us himself.

i believe the only other time we will ever get an “unfiltered” look at yuki without the idealised perspective is most likely when syh performs yuki’s song that ritsuka had finished for them. even though ritsuka doesn’t know yuki aside from him being mafuyu’s former boyfriend he did his best to put himself into yuki’s shoes to finish composing the song he’d been writing for mafuyu.

throughout given it has put emphasis on the power music has. music helped mafuyu say what he couldn’t bring himself to say, music is what helped bring together given, music is powerful. it is uncertain what effect hearing yuki’s completed song will have on mafuyu given the current strain in his relationship with ritsuka, but it is certain to do something. perhaps it will shed light onto yuki’s feelings at the time. while he isn’t here to perform it his spirit has been put into it in a sense. it’s only a matter of time before we know what will happen and i’m scared.

all in all yuki is quite the enigma. even though he isn’t there anymore he still exists in given and has been a huge impact on the lives of many. he was definitely someone whose memory will live on in the hearts he’s effected.

#outofsongs;#suicide mention //#suicide tw //#-since i talked abt yuki ofc i had to mention his death bc it's part of the mystery-#-but ye i just rambled a lot bc it was on my mind and i wanted to get it out-#-ye-

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trulisthetic · 4 years ago

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I had a bad day today. I did something stupid and got in an online argument with someone who told me that Jim and Pam were an unhealthy couple. I told her why I don't think that's the case without insulting her and got shot down anyway. What would you make of it?

This turned into a monster-post. Oops.

First and foremost, I’m really sorry that you had a bad day. My understanding is that that “someone” wasn’t very kind and respectful to you even though you were towards them. You know, the internet is such a wild place. Under the cover of online profiles we create for ourselves we sometimes act in ways we wouldn’t in real life. We forget that there is an actual person on the other end and not a heartless machine. And being on the receiving end of that... well, it sucks. I’m sorry you had to deal with that today.

I get that you feel like you did something stupid - because yes, online arguments don’t often get us anywhere, they only end up frustrating us, even hurting us sometimes. But trust me when I tell you this: If you were respectful and didn’t insult her, then you did absolutely nothing wrong. This wasn’t your fault. They’re the only ones accountable for their behavior. I get that you feel off right now, but really, all you can do from this point forward is; just keep swimming :P

All that aside, not everyone is going to agree on everything at that is granted. And it is okay. That’s what makes the people that think like us and share our interests so special and beautiful in our eyes, you know? It’s okay if somebody on the internet doesn’t think Jim and Pam are a healthy couple. Maybe they trigger something for them - a reminder of a past relationship that didn’t end well. Or maybe there is no reason for it - this is just the way they view it. All of those are fine, everyone is entitled to an opinion. I would even be interested in hearing them out, because, honestly, I can’t think of how Jim and Pam’s relationship could possibly be considered unhealthy. But from what I understand - and correct me if I’m wrong! It’s just what I got from the way you phrased your question - the person you argued with didn’t really have many points themselves, they were just arguing for the sake of arguing, finding problems when there really weren’t any. And that’s what’s really problematic. When people go out and shout accusations of unhealthy and problematic and abusive relationships, all they do is make a fool out of the REAL problematic and abusive ones. And that’s the true tragedy in all this.

Now onto Jim and Pam themselves. It never even occurred to me that this would be an issue; their relationship being considered ‘unhealthy’.

Since day one, Jim and Pam have always ALWAYS brought out the best in one another. And I believe that anyone who argues on this point in particular has been watching a different show. I mean seriously, they were written this way. Their love was, to its core, written to be of the purest kind. They have a strong base as friends, which is the best foundation you can have in a relationship. And they’ve always been each other’s “person”, since the first season. The one they turn to every time they have a problem, like when Pam is frustrated with Roy, or when Jim dies of boredom. They’re partners in crime, their time together is full of the most awe-worthy combination of mischief and touching moments, and just... joy. Have you seen two people happier to just be with each other’s presence? Have you seen anyone’s eyes light up the way Jim’s does every time Pam “chooses him” when she’s “bored” or when she tells him he has “very nice teeth”? Have you seen on anybody else's face that wide smile (with the tongue peeking between the teeth) that Pam gets every time Jim takes a second too long to choose a jellybean flavor, or buys her a coke for a round of jinx? Those two bring the greatest amount of joy to each other, while doing the smaller, most insignificant things. The only thing that could possibly make them wrong would be if their relationship was toxic.

And Jim and Pam’s relationship is not toxic.

Let's look at some signs of a toxic relationship okay?

It feels bad. All the time. Well. I kinda just went through that. The only times it’s felt bad for them was when they were apart, in season 3 mostly, and then in season 9. And yes, they had marital problems. So, SO many couples do, if not every single one. They handled one situation poorly, and it backfired on them, and they drifted apart. And then they found their way back to each other. At this point, I want to quote one of my favorite pieces of writing, ever. I use it a lot, but it applies here so perfectly, so... @acutelesbian said: “A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.” A while later, she reblogged her own post and added: “I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class. After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice. Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation. The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with. The divorced ones said they chose to walk away. Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.” There it is. So. Jim and Pam had some issues during season 9. They didn’t communicate well, they made some poor choices, they didn’t handle the situation they were thrown in very gracefully. And yet they made a choice, the choice to stay and push and fight for their relationship. They went to therapy, together. They opened up, discussed their feelings, communicated, worked out a solution. They chose each other, even though at the time they weren’t each other’s favorite person. They went through a rough patch and came out of it together, stronger than ever. And HAPPY. If that’s not the epitome of a healthy relationship, then I don’t know what the fuck is. Having said all that, I think I also covered these signs of a toxic relationship:

You avoid saying what you need because there’s just no point.

There’s no effort.

Nothing gets resolved. So let's move on to the next ones.

You’re constantly braced for the ‘gotcha’. This is for when there’s a trap in every statement or question, and even though everyone makes mistakes, yours are used as proof that you’re too uninvested, too wrong, too stupid, too something. And this is seriously as far from Jim and Pam as humanly possible. They’re seriously the exact opposite of that, always lifting each other up and supporting one another through their mistakes.

When ‘no’ is a dirty word. “I think I want a wedding-wedding.” “Cranford? No.” “I don’t know if I want this.” “I don’t think you should go to Philly tonight.”

The score card. Let me show you how wrong you are. Before they were together, they both had some “weak” moments, during which they didn’t exactly act fairly. Not once in all these years have we EVER seen one call the other out on their past mistakes. They’re not keeping score, they’re discussing them, dealing with them and moving on. There isn’t a more mature way to go about this.

There’s a battle – and you’re on your own. Again. In every chance they get, in any problem they face with third persons, they always stand by the other’s side and lift them up and support them. Just like when Pam was there for Jim when Ryan made his life hard in s4, or when Dwight terrorized him with the snow in s7. And just like when Jim made the list for Pam when Robert California set her aside, or when he demanded answers by her side from the dude who did call “a dork like that” back. Those two are a team, and not just when they’re planning ways to prank Dwight, or they’re sharing looks across the room over how ridiculous Michael is being.

Privacy? What privacy? Oh, I LOVE this one about them. How they get to be individuals and they are not defined by one another. They get their private time, private hobbies, and that’s such a healthy part of a relationship that so many just overlook. The only time that wasn’t the case was when they were using the world’s smallest Bluetooth - but it was so obvious that they were both craving it so much because they were missing each other, and they were both more than comfortable with it. Until that conversation with her classmate happened, which I’m sure signaled the end of that way of communication for them. But remember all those months they were apart? Remember how Jim TURNED BACK halfway to New York because “I’m not that guy. And we’re not that couple”? Remember how respectful they’ve always been of each other’s need for privacy?

The lies. Oh the lies! The only lie between the two (If you don’t count the “I can’t” of Casino Night and the “It was three years ago. I’m totally over it.” of The Secret) was when Jim didn’t tell Pam that he started a business in Philly. Which he told her an episode late, by himself. And it served as the perfect opportunity to show just how steady the foundations of their relationship are, and how much they trust and faith they have in one another and in their love. I’ll never forget how Pam reacted to realizing that Jim is keeping something from her. She didn’t call him out or corner him for answers, she simply waited for him to tell her when he’s ready. Then when the idea of an affair was thrown on the table, Pam shrugged it off, saying “Jim? No. He loves me too much”. And it’s not easy to say that theoretically, much along actually act on it. But when in season 8 Kathy hit on Jim while they were in that hotel, there’s a deleted scene of Jim and Pam on the phone, and Pam is actually joking about the whole thing. It’s impressive and miraculous just how deeply these two trust each other, and believe that they would never hurt the other like that.

Physical or verbal abuse. Or both. We’ve seen Pam being handled roughly by Roy, and then we’ve seen the way Jim treats her, like she’s the most precious butterfly. And HEAVEN HELP ME, the guy was too scared to look at her for too long in the beginning. He’s the most gentle and caring man I’ve seen, in words and actions alike. And the very same goes for Pam. The only time she’s spoken badly to him was when she said “Shut it” as she was storming off Michael’s office when she found out he was dating her mom and Jim knew. And she was clearly very upset and not acting like herself. But we can all agree that this is not a pattern of behavior, and that Jim and Pam have NEVER, EVER been abusive towards one another.

Not including the other in big decisions. This is the only one that’s kinda true. Jim decided to buy his parents’ house, then decided to start a business, then Pam decided to sell the house, all without including the other. Despite those, that was an issue that they were not blind towards, and Pam even brought it up in season 9, and it was one of the problems they worked through at couples therapy. And that’s exactly what a healthy and mature relationship looks like.

So there you have it. Those are the main signs of an unhealthy relationship. Wanna hear the definition of a healthy one?

A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on: Mutual respect. Trust. Honesty. Support. Fairness/equality. Separate identities. Good communication. A sense of playfulness/fondness.

In a healthy relationship you:

Take care of yourself and have good self-esteem independent of your relationship

Maintain and respect each other’s individuality

Maintain relationships with friends and family

Have activities apart from one another

Are able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences

Are able to feel secure and comfortable

Allow and encourage other relationships

Take interest in one another’s activities

Do not worry about violence in the relationship

Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships, the difference is how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an important skill you help you have healthier relationships

Have respect for sexual boundaries

Are honest about sexual activity if it is a sexual relationship

Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your partner to influence you is important; this can be especially difficult for some men.

Trust each other and be honest with each other

Have the option of privacy

Now, let us all think each and every one of those through. And let’s think about it twice before we accuse perfectly healthy relationships of being toxic.

That’s all I have to say. Sorry, this was so long, and thank you for staying to this point!

All I know is that, for me, Jim and Pam’s relationship - along with that of my parents’ - is the healthiest one my eyes have ever seen. And I feel so lucky to have discovered those two gems. 💜

#jam #jim and pam #pam and jim #jim halpert #Pam Beesly #healthy relationship #the office #the office us #rambles #masterpost #monsterpost #qs & as #Anon #answered

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vanityloves · 4 years ago

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oak and stars for slick! :0

ah yes... this was sent last year...apologies for the last reply...happy 2021 mfs ♡ and thank you sm for the ask!

Word count: 1.6k i guess wtf.

cw: idk? homestuck ajsjdj. kinda mushy towards the end but dw im Me ♡ there's a joke somewhere in here

oak - who’s the more emotional one? how do you balance each other out in this aspect?

Defining 'emotional' is a bit difficult since it's often seen as 'whos the crybaby' but techinally, both parties are emotionally driven. The sole factor is one usually works solo (when working with a group, usually takes a supporting role) and takes things personally. The other can put those feelings aside and work with a group even if they're holding a personal grudge against them.

I'd have to say Ivory is more emotional in the sense of "who cried over (insert characters) death". But of course I'm going to elaborate.

I've always had issues placing Ivory in one 'category' and describe them as "a bit all over the place". At first, they're very jumpy and put off by Slick's demeanor (fairly so). They aren't rude or cold though, rather they're defensive and almost always on guard when around others. Despite this, they're quick to come to someone's aid to act as a protector, since they easily sympathize with others that show fear, sadness or hurt, even if it's an act. (Rightfully) Protraying themselves as naive. They've always been the type to comfort and protect - having a very 'motherly' presence (Ivory is a whole ass mother so I don't blame them)

Ivory is known to display sporadic bursts of emotions that range from enthusiasm and joy or angst and rage before returning to their calmed state in minutes. They're an odd case of slow to anger but quick to put out. The Knight finds the entire thing tiring but don't try to stop said outburts. Things that upset them before, suddenly changes with the seasons.

The type to appear cool, calm and collected and tries incredibly hard to maintain that when faced w/ dangerous situations. Inside though, they're probably ready to cry and once the ordeal is over, they probably do just that.

Ivory tries their best to think logically before jumping into any situation but find that things like 'promises' and plans hold them captive. They're easily swayed when things like this are brought up bc credibility and trust are incredibly important to them. Unfortunately, they're the type to beat themselves up over loses like that, even if it was for the greater good/nothing else could be done. They run off of the more positive emotions like hopefulness and joy (the 'happy feeling' after helping others). This isn't to say they're not petty or bitter, its very much the opposite - its too emotionally taxing to focus on themselves though.

♤

I think Slick is emotional in the sense of he'll experience certain things and if it's something he's not used to, his first reaction is to respond with anger or aggression. He has a pretty bad temper and described to have a nasty attitude and very black and white with his thoughts and decision making. He's the embodiment of 'I won't hesitate, bitch.', if he says something, he will follow through. He's the type to keep promises and wants the upheld on both ends, if the other party does not follow through, he's not the type to feel hurt, rather resorting to anger and cutting off ties - physically and emotionally, he's never been attached.

The man is a mobster so he's used to seeing blood and gore. He's definitely hardened over the years of that rough and tumble lifestyle, so it really isn't personal for him. He's never had it easy and doesn't rely on others (besides the crew) but he's willing to work with others if push comes to shove.

He's not very emotional in the crying and sniffling way. He keeps to himself most of the time and doesn't feel the need to help or seek out others. However, that's countered when he finds himself helping others that are defenseless but become enraged that someone would pick on someone that was 'obviously weaker'. He has a definite soft spot for the gentle, kinder things he runs across but I wouldn't say he gets super emotional about it. Slick runs off of negative emotions such as anger, pettiness, (such as Ivory does with guilt).

♤

They balance each other out with their different outlook/approach on each situation. Some things need to be done immediately and spontaneously, just as some things need to be done with patience or methodically. This isn't to call Slick a dumbass or whatever - the man works best without overthinking the situation and making calls on the spot. Ivory has their fair share of improvised plans but tend to work better with a loose plan (even if it's "don't die"). Their anxiety and lack of confidence ultimately puts them at greater risk.

One thing that's great ab Slick is, he's very sure about himself, his actions, and his feelings so it's reassuring for Ivory. Ivory lends Slick a lot of patience, understanding, but with a firm hand. They don't expect him to take their advice all the time but they expect him to hear them out. There are plenty of close calls that stress Ivory out to no end but on the flipside, Slick doesn't expect Ivory to be so rash and promptly follows them when they do rush into things - he's protective by nature and there's a bit of a curiosity involved.

♤

Overall, their relationship tends to tilt towards the negative aspects of being emotionally driven - pettiness, guilt, spite, etc. But they reassure/calm the other when things get more serious. Slick is incredibly protective and will put himself in danger for them. It's not a matter of not trusting Ivory, rather, it is a sign of loyalty and commitment hebhas towards them.

Ivory is confident in Slick and knows he can fair well on his own or with a team - they still worry but they often rely on hope and luck that things will eventually work in their favor (that's not to say they won't work for their future/goals).

♤

stars - what kind of a date would your f/o take you on?

Ivory was never one for big, flashy dates even in their previous relationships (much to their dismay, they went on many). Dressing up every so often is fun but loses its novelty if it's constant. Slick doesn't seem too flashy either, preferring to lay low and enjoy the time he has alone - sure he broods but he's having his noir film moment. He doesn't mind spending money, he's got plenty to spare which he usually uses on booze and cigarettes anyways. There's no harm in spoiling Ivory on occasion and probably enjoys taking them someplace nice. He hates dressing up in stuffy, 3 piece suits and avoids them at all costs, but if Ivory's dressed to the nines, he's not gonna be shown up.

I've said it as a joke but truthfully, the couple could start off at a 5 star and end up at the diner down the street. Sharing fries all done up in heels and makeup, cufflinks and polished shoes.

That being said, they're both more casual! The duo is more than content driving around the city listening to the radio and enjoying the others company, regardless of the silence.*** Truthfully, dinner and a nice drive or walk around the city is ideal. Ivory's more of a window shopping type and enjoys peeking into windows to watch people bustle around. Slick tends to walk a few steps behind to keep them in view, admire from afar type. He's not a very chatty individual and tends to rely on looks and physical touch when talking to Ivory. He's got a permanent scowl on his face but he's truly content when he's with them.

♤

Slick enjoys his privacy but he's not against going out for drinks and enjoying a nice performance here and there. But if it's shit, he won't be sticking around (if he goes alone), with Ivory he can distract himself and leads them somewhere quiet and he snidely comments on the performances while Ivory tries to find the good and bad in it.

Since that's more of a hit or miss type of date, he tends to do things that are sure to be more relaxing. He's a hotblooded guy, while Ivory's more mellow so he figures getting them riled up isn't something that's 'fun' for them; makes him settle his ass down before he breaks a hip He'll pop in a few of his cherished noir films and let them get as close as they like - he's not as picky ab touch when they're alone.

If not that, he has Ivory randomly choose a record to play and sits back with them. If he was generous and feeling sweet, he'll help them to their feet and hold them near and sway together. He's an awkward romantic but a romantic nonetheless, so he's willing to push through it for the sake of having them against him and teasing them if they look a bit flushed (but reading the atmosphere).

***Extra thing:

Slick really said 'I know a place' and drives out of the city that scares shit out of Ivory- purely because this is unknown territory. Of course they trust him but their nerves often get the best of them as they sit up, a bit stiffly as they look at the scenery passing by.

Very smooth conversation:

"this is where I get rid of 'things'"

"really?"

"yeah"

"oh...at least the view is nice. guess that's why you drove this far."

*met w/ silence*

What 'things', you may ask? Take a wild guess! Maybe it's emotional baggage, sometimes is Physical Baggage!

#self ship #self insert #homestuck #spades slick #slow down why we going so fast!!!#s: knives and ivory #my headcanons #my writing #why must i keep talking jfc #been sitting in my docs for weeks. finally finished them today. bye.#ask reply #anon #n e ways.#♡♡♡ slick ♡♡♡#but also slick....🔫😔

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