#aside from getting medicated
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So let's say you've been procrastinating on an assignment for a week, it was due a while ago, prof accepts late assignments but you've hit a total brick wall and have tried
the power of that last minute adrenaline rush (doesn't work anymore, there are worse things than failing a class)
setting a timer for 20 min increments (managed a total of 20 minutes on the project đ)
Promising yourself rewards (not working because not watching anything is better than doing the assignment)
Taking breaks instead and coming back to it (just doesn't happen)
sheer willpower. Just do it (again, happened for 20 minutes)
writing each tiny specific step I need to accomplish (didn't make it more bearable)
going to different locations
guilt
annoyance
frustration
What is the next step. Like what else can I even try
#aside from getting medicated#i know what it is too. it's a class designed to make us better at marketing ourselves. i didn't know that going in#but the projects are like stuff we'd be having to do to advertise ourselves as a freelance writer or to get hired at a company#and i have a thing about carefully presenting the best sides of myself. i know you have to do it sometimes as a human being#but it plays into all the masking stuff that made my life hell for most of my 20s#it's like the second i recognized that's what i was doing & i wasn't just bad at being human my brain said no we're not doing that anymore#your options are be genuine or lie down in a stupor#good luck getting through the next phase of your life i've just nerfed you#anyway more info than y'all needed but i'm just not sure how to navigate things when i know the exact reason i'm blocked#but i've tried all the typical solutions and just wound up feeling worse
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Ok Wild Angsters, you wanted a continuation, so here you go :)
Four already knew what he would be walking into. His phone had been blowing up for hours. Heâd come in to work early. Whether he was assigned to take care of Wild or not was another matter - Vaati loved to try and take all the admissions, convinced he was the best nurse on the unit. If Four could just keep Vaati out of Wildâs room, heâd consider it a success.
When the charge nurse told him he would be admitting the trauma alert, he knew who he was getting.
Pre-admission jitters always made Four anxious, but this was an entirely other level of fear. He almost wanted to request a different assignment, but it was too late now. What if he couldnât take caer of him because he was his friend? What if that impair his decision making? What if he just wasnât skilled enough to handle it? He knew Ezlo wouldnât give him an assignment he couldnât handle, wouldnât be there to support him, but stillâŚ
Four went over the supplies in his room once more. Safety checks were fineâthey had suction, they had a bag valve mask, the code card was nearbyâand he had all the supplies he needed. It was just a waiting game.
Four paced the unit at least three times before he looked at the OR status board again. Wild was still in surgery. He poked in his chart, glancing at injuries, looking at vital signs and anesthesia notes. The last update he saw was that Wild had gotten another unit of blood. Estimated blood loss so far was around 2200mL.
2200mL. That⌠wasnât too terrible, Four supposed. Heâd⌠seen worse.
Please donât get worse.
Four knew for certain that Wild had been mass transfused in the ED. Warriors, his primary nurse when he was there, had told him as much. Between that and the multiple blood products heâd gotten in surgery, as well all the crystalloids he was likely getting as wellâŚ
Four took a breath. Then another. He grabbed his phone, texting Warriors. You doing ok?
Wars didnât reply.
Four wasnât entirely sure where everyone was at this point. Hyrule had stayed at the hospital, lingering in the emergency department and then the operating room waiting area, but Four hadnât seen him since heâd clocked in. Warriors and Legend should be getting off shift now, but whether they were going to stay up was another matter. Time was obviously in the OR (Wildâs wreck had been around 10pm, heâd arrived in the ED around 10:45, and heâd been stabilized for surgery and gone to the OR by around midnight - it was 7am now⌠he wasnât sure how long this was going to take, but it couldnât be much longer). Malon should be getting on shift now as well - she had come in last night when everything had gone down, alongside Twilight. Wind had been cautiously left out of the loop until Wild had gone to surgery, simply because nobody had really had much information at the time, so no one wanted to worry the kid until they could figure things out. Everyone had their hands full as it was. But by now, Four knew Wind was either in the OR waiting room, harassing every respiratory therapist he knew, or in the hospital library pacing anxiously. As for Sky, the last Four heard he was bouncing between different people, checking in on everyone.
He clicked through more anesthesia notes, looked at flow sheets for blood products. There wasnât much to go on, as charting was sparse. What Four did know was that Wild had been obtunded, got mass transfused, had gotten a chest tube, had been intubated, blood was evident in his abdomen, and he had an open femur fracture. Heâs been taken to Timeâs OR for a ex-lap. Head CT had shown a bleed, and they were monitoring it. That was all the information Legend had told the group when heâd had a moment to spare.
Fourâs vocera activated, telling him he had a call from the charge nurse. When he answered, he was told Malon had called and said theyâd be finishing up in about thirty minutes and were likely to come up open.
Why was he coming up with his abdomen open? When had they gone from exploratory laparotomy to a full on open abdomen?
Ten minutes later, Malon called back to give report. When Four answered, the first thing he asked was, âHowâs he doing? Is he okay? Are you okay?â
âIâm fine,â Malon said, even though she sounded exhausted. âAnd heâs⌠hanging in there. Iâve seen worse, Iâll say that. Iâll give you the full rundown, okay?â
Four listened as Malon gave report, feeling his heart settled into his stomach, which was tying itself in knots. Multiple spots of bleeding, possible compartment syndrome in his abdomen, a likely kidney injury due to compression from the bleeding on some major vessels, a small hematoma in his brain⌠theyâd had to call neurosurgery to do an emergency craniotomy out of overt concern of swelling, given that Wild had apparently had previous head trauma, based on what they saw in the OR.
Open abdomen, craniotomy, ICP monitoring, bleeding, one chest tube⌠this was a disaster. Four swallowed as he wrote, feeling his hand shake a little as his heart raced. He was not qualified enough to be admitting this. He was not.
But the turnaround on his unit was pretty insane, and he was the most experienced nurse on the unit today. At least Ezlo was charge; he knew heâd be well supported.
This was a nightmare. But Four had dealt with nightmares, and he would deal with this. He wasnât going to screw up taking care of any patient, but especially his friend.
Sighing, he hung up the phone after thanking Malon, pushing worries for her and Time aside, trying to focus on what he would need, who he should grab to help him, and how he should prep his room.
It was time to get to work.
When everyone arrived from the OR, Four made brief eye contact with Time. He couldnât read much from the man, who was stone faced, aside from the exhaustion evident in the dark circles under his eyes. Four got to work quickly, assessing Wild from head to toe as he looked to see what IV medications he was on. A coworker wrote the note while Ezlo helped detangle his lines (the OR always brought up a mess, after all). Time gave an overview of the surgery, and Four listened along as he checked pupils, as he zeroed the arterial line and the ICP monitor, as he listened to lung and heart sounds, as he checked the chest tube and stripped it with his fingers to ensure patency, as he checked peripheral pulses, as he looked at the abdominal dressing to get a baseline in case there was swelling from bleeding later. One of the techs connected the chest tube to wall suction, and Four looked over his drips. Only having levophed at 2 wasnât terrible, and he was getting a unit of red blood cells, which was in a transfusion set that was yâd to some lactated ringers fluid. He was on propofol for sedation. Another nurse grabbed a blood gas from his arterial line and sent off labs. His foley he had was temp sensing, and Four quickly ascertained that Wild was cold, so he set up the blanket warmer and covered his friend up.
His friend. His friend.
Four shook his head. He had to focus.
As Time left the room, he put a hand on Fourâs shoulder, making him freeze. The surgeon didnât speak, just locking eyes with him. Four wasnât entirely sure if it was for his own benefit or not. But he had no more time to let his emotions make any decisions for him. He nodded to the doctor, who nodded in return, and then the two went their separate ways.
This was going to be a long day.
#Apologies if this sounds too similar to Level One because I havenât read that fic in over a year and never finished it#So I donât remember what happened to Wild in it aside from he was also in an MVC and was in rough shape LOL#Writing#lu in healthcare#lu wild#lu four#lu time#lu malon#dang how long is this storyline gonna be lol#I get too caught up in the medical side of it HA#Heâll be fiiiiine#I got all excited talking about admission from the OR stuff lol#Itâs so chaotic yâall#There are like eight thousand people in the room and the lines are a hot mess and I HATE when teh lines are a hot mess#But this was also weird because I admit heart patients⌠and Wildâbeing a trauma patientâhas⌠so few drips?? Compared to heart patients???#Like⌠trauma patients arenât usually on pressors because what they need is blood#Whereas cardiac surgery patients might need blood⌠or theyâre just vasoplegic⌠or their heart sucksâŚ#Lots of different options lol#Anyway Iâm rambling in the tags whoops#Skye time travels through the queue
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Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him
Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds wouldâve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.
But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. Heâs the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, thatâs fucked up, what youâre a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people donât habitually blame him for his anguish.Â
Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. Itâs the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I donât blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. Itâs terrifying to sit and feel like youâve realized thereâs something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since itâs so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, itâs easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending itâs individual.
And itâs not like thatâs not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because itâs a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. Itâs a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not.Â
Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish. There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is.Â
The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he wouldâve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they donât fix things. For reasons Iâll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once youâve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, itâs very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. Heâs crawling up the walls.Â
So why do people say this? Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments.Â
But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails.Â
And meds ââŹâ meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes).Â
The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing.Â
And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now.Â
Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb.Â
Iâve been there. Itâs easier, to wallow, and resist growth because itâs difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But donât listen to anyone who tells you youâre just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects thatâll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs theyâve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. Thatâs a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.
For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical companyâs favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?
It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc.Â
So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.
But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narratorâs mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? Itâs easy to say youâd listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldnât follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?
For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldnât cope. He self-destructed. Even when people donât make the big realization consciously, theyâre already self-destructing. Itâs hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,
Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time heâs in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails.Â
Is he fixed if he doesnât try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still canât cope with the things heâs unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?
Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because youâve discovered something you wish you could unknow. Itâs a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I donât think so.Â
Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc.Â
Iâve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. Itâs important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. Itâs worth it.
#fight club#my writing#uh. sorta#If you disagree with me it's fine btw. That's a given for me but I realize that's not usual for this website#my big desire is always to provoke thought and get people to think about why they think things#not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that#it was nice to type this out#also#aside from the prozac withdrawals mention and my own experience w memory loss (hilariously not even the most major of my beefs with the#medical industry! or even just the mental health industry! but its an easy nonoffensive one so#anyway i kept it nonspecific because if you go specific it becomes easier for people to just go 'oh well its That that's the problem and i#dont need to reflect at all on my drug/condition/issue/etc'#which ppl will anyway ofc. but yk#maybe theyll find it easier to ignore without the horrific specific examples but i want to leave it broad because 1. doing research and#going past the first thing you find and confirmation bias stuff is good 4 u#second. it's better imo to leave it more open for people to try and apply it broadly#whew ANYWAY#a bonafide Rant#i shouldve put#anti psychiatry#in the first few tags. i havent really looked on tumblr to see what the community 4 that is like on here because it feels like an oxymoron#on this website#but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else#(please change)
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Crying alone in the ER is not my ideal day, I have to say.
#I'm dehydrated#and my heart rate is high#so they want me to get fluids and have my heart monitored#aside from beign anxious#i feel fine.l#medical stuff#gator business
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I am so glad that Iâm setting aside time to volunteer.
#itâs so fulfilling. like actually the most fulfilling thing in the world#i got to put my phone aside for 4 hours and help refugees w medical bills / other paperwork in general#filed for like an hour without having to listen to music to numb my thoughts#restocked the pantry#and the most exciting development is one of the case workers is taking me w her to a refugee clinic soon!!!!#where I actually get to help people whoâre in dire need of healthcare assistance#this is one of the many things that remind me why my heart is in med school#and itâs a nice change of pace from studying all the time!#and Iâm going to pick up going to a clinic for at-risk people again soon#Iâm very privileged to not have to work but Iâm still putting my time to use in other ways#p
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the âweightâ stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go âoh wow weight loss!! yay :)â when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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Seeing the âcerebrocrustaceans are highly territorialâ headcanon slowly start to pick up more steam (albeit with a split as to whether theyâre so cliquey and ride-or-die they view everyone who isnât in their in-group as a potential threat until theyâve made it abundantly clear that they mean no harm or if they despise any sort of group collaboration unless itâs absolutely, positively necessary) makes me wonder if itâs a common stereotype by the galactic audience to view them as being massive pricks to everyone they meet. Like, oh, everyone on Encephalonus-IV hates each otherâs guts and theyâre incessantly rude to anyone and everyone they come across! Theyâre so petty and envious they canât stand the thought of anyone being better at them than anything and delight in the suffering and misfortune of people they donât like! They fly into murderous rages if a galvan so much as breathes on them, and if they werenât such cowards, theyâd nuke Galvan Prime into oblivion only to immediately start yet another rivalry with some other species for one reason or another!
Hah! Doesnât help their case that Dr Psychobos became very well known thanks to the super famous superhero Ben 10!
But no yeah with galvans being the cold detached sort of smart, especially with their prevalence in intergalactic relationships (you donât become the smartest being in not one but multiple galaxies by sitting alone in your room), what comparatively little interaction to the wider galactic sphere cerebrocrustaceans have has more expectations than if the galvans were more subtle in their influence. If youâve heard how much of an grumpy old man scientist the First Thinker is, especially when you hear about one of his creations striking out against him due to neglect, well youâve already started to get the picture of an isolated workspace that no one dares interrupt.
So then you come face to face with a snappy cerebrocrustacean scientist whoâs rude, direct, and hovering over your shoulder making sure you donât fuck up, well you wonât really find many cases of neglect when everything you do is under scrutiny. I guess the difference between my headcanon and @ohyeahben10 âs headcanon would be if you can endure the territorial⌠hostility may not be the right word, the fact that youâre in the same space as a cerebrocrustacean at work is already more than what theyâd typically give, in my headcanon sphere you could potentially get past that barrier and transition from outgroup to ingroup; I donât know exactly whatâs in ohyeahâs head but I assume given his headcanons she might say that you practically could never get on a cerebrocrustaceanâs good side, or at least not as close as an ingroup would suggest-
Either or, itâs gonna leave a bad first impression, and that is how the stereotype for being prickish is so widespread. Potentially, if a notable cerebrocrustacean scientist works intergalactically, the stereotype may narrow to Encephalonus IV having a very dickish social culture.
#ask#anonymous#cerebrocrustacean#encephalonus iv#ben 10#hope i pronouned you right ohyeah (or whatever shorthand name youâd prefer- central or sceathered idk)#but right yeah being territorial sucks for your reputation but itâs probably why scientists arenât representatives#which might have to bite the bullet and fight against the instinct to be territorial- or at least innately not be as much#then again theyâre collectively a rather smart intelligent species so maybe scientists are representatives#i think i like thinking about cerebrocrustaceans (god itâs such a long name)#itâs not going to beat out petrosapiens anytime soon but with galvans in canon getting a lot of focus#imagining what makes cerebrocrustaceans different besides appearance is really neat#i like thinking theyâre like cliquey scientists- mostly because aside from medical doctors i donât see a lot of big science teams in galvan#like it seems to be mostly kept to two either itâs the first thinker and their assistant#or itâs blukic and driba as the technicians (r&d?) of plumber earth base#i mean technically dr psychobos was completely alone in regards to the sciencing part#having malware hunt for the omnitrix schematics and have khyber literally hunt the omnitrix wielder#but like i donât think i can base all cerebrocrustaceans after dr psychobos#because well i donât think everyone on ecephalonis iv hates galvans- djw even said they donât have a rivalry#but itâs fun i like cerebrocrustaceans (god is there anyway to shorten the name)
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the old order is no more
#whumptober2024#no.23#public display#oc#digital art#blood#gore#implied character death#rnn.img#char: ish-ki#char: sir-ef#char: gal-xi#char: zen-an#this is technically tirtenian but also not uhhh?? it's like a side story#tirtenian is vital context for it the way it's planned rn but aside from the inciting incident there's little overlap#also zen-an lenetae (the one at the bottom) isn't dead so no corpse tag lol#if he were he'd be a puddle bc they melt when they die#he's uh. definitely on his way there if he doesn't get medical attention soon though#also I decided to do pronouns based on cultural group for them so be on the lookout for these guys' shiny new pronouns hehe#I'm tryna decide whether to use nebulis-specific neos or just stick to english ones but I've got ideas for either direction lined up
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If youâre legitimately interested in my current pricing, my stateâs min wage went up recently and the cheapest option, pushed up to the next highest dollar (not rounded) totals up to about an 8 hour work day not adding in any other expenses or subtracting fees.
Between drawing and scanning then finishing up on my iPad via Procreate, the time is decently accurate if not underestimated. The more expensive option is twice that which is about two work days in total hours.
Itâs already hard to price my stuff accurately especially when I have been so ill back and forth and I havenât completed much work in about a year now. I hope youâll understand. Thank you for your continued support regardless.
#text post#delete later#about commissions#about pricing commissions#sometimes I donât draw for long periods and I have to relearn a lot#my condition(s) burn me out quicker than I would like so itâs not that Iâm not âtryingâ hard enough#I canât work a regular job anymore without accommodation#and given my current situation I canât just ânotâ work because I need some kind of income for survival#but until a doctor as slow as they are at times gives me the okay I canât even imagine getting government assistance aside from my medical#I sleep a lot these days and I have been for about a year as well if not longer
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at this point if my prof makes me cut the historical part out I'm going to kill myself. the legal landscape of the medieval muslim world. I could read about this for hours
#there are people claiming their favourite physicians got their techniques directly from the prophet#which is quite ballsy#but this aside it's terribly interesting#and the gendering of medical practices in medievali europe#I Need to get a master in history and write papers about this#honestly history + psychology is the research of the future#anthropology can participate if they want to#btw there's little difference in the social perception + medical treatment of intersex people in medieval mediterraneum and today#which is depressing#the theories changed but they would all reach the same conclusions anyway#personal
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Sometimes chronic illness is having a few people over to celebrate your brother's birthday but you can only last 45 minutes before you get too tired and have to go lie down in bed and from there you can hear everyone else laughing and having fun playing some card game and you want to go play too but you can't because your body demands to be flat in a dark quiet room
#the other day my dad was checking up on me when i got back from the hospital and he was like#you should have the doctors do more for you bc what youre going through now is not a fun way to live#and i was like lol yeah not fun but sure beats being dead#also fuck doctors they have never done a single thing for me#aside from my current doctor he is pretty cool#he wrote me a note to get me excused from jury duty forever and thats the most helpful thing any medical professional has done for me ever#anyway#suffering today as usual
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pursuing a lupus diagnosis is sometimes extremely funny. lately every doctor i go to is like "okay so this is. definitely lupus. with very specific complications. but i'm not putting that diagnosis on paper because lupus is a lazy diagnosis and it's never lupus. except in your case. in which it is lupus" i know the USUAL experience is people being disbelieved by doctors for Years when they try to tell them they likely have lupus & that WAS my experience three years back, but NOW i've had a lucky combo of well-timed test results and symptoms that have led to a general attitude of "okay i literally can't find any explanation OTHER than lupus with very specific complications. but i'd be more comfortable if you got diagnosed by a rheumatologist instead" and then the rheumatologist you're referred to literally never calls you back to schedule bc they're so overbooked due to consequences of the COVID pandemic so your normal doctor is stuck managing your constellation of technically-undiagnosed symptoms, that could technically be anything, except for how. they are lupus. with very specific complications.
#autoimmune tag#if i DO end up getting a different diagnosis i'll eat my SHORTS. but it's. Extremely Unlikely at this point.#short-term lupus treatment basically cured me n i have literally every component required for a diagnosis save a specific antibody positive#which i think isnt 100% required even. especially w my positive ANA. but some docs wont diagnose without it#a podcast vi likes just put out an ep about lupus n they were listening to it like 'jesus kitkat you really are textbook'#i KNOWWWWWWW. what a wild body to live in.#this has been your daily medical oversharing. now that im covid free im feeling my usual autoimmune symptoms again#and im like. dammit. the covid was actually a nice vacation. aside from the hell.
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Sorry, Shiro.
You have hEDS now. Not âjustâ epilepsy.
I make the rules. It fits. RIP buddy.
#takashi shirogane#chronic illness shiro#shiro headcanons#prekerb shiro#shiroâs gap year of hell#champion shiro#tagging champion becauseâŚthink about it#if hCTD makes your tendons and joints wobbly and have to be manages with PT and pain management#in addition to often trying to pull your organs apart like silly putty#and itâs âgetting worseâ despite being Medically Cleared ACTUALLY ADAM + a stimulator bracelet#and shiro having his skeleton either replaced or reinforced by a metallic one#to support That Arm is a VERY common headcanon#thenâŚitâs not that much of a stretch for Haggar to repeatedly repair/replace his tendons and other ligaments tol#and believing she was âimprovingâ him.#then getting carried away with her cloning to study Shiroâs genetic disorder more closely with âdisposableâ copies#(yâknow. aside from farming shiro&theshiros for proto BP Quintessence to supe up Zarkom)#(and HSDâs hc that So Many Shiros for the komar jaegar army)#alsoâŚitâŚexplains Adamâs shitty attitude. when shiro WAS actually working with his medical team sO.#((I still kindaâŚAdam as unmanaged borderline. heâs just. heâs too controling. and cold. and feels very very familiar. sorry adam.))
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Had my first ever papsmear and that was #Uncomfortable but it's important to my health so I did it anyways
Being a responsible adult is hard đ
#speculation nation#all the lyfts r so busy rn i think bc classes are in session#so here i am at the hospital waiting for a more expensive than normal lyft#need to get my damned license already smh#the sucky thing is i still have another doctor's appointment this week!!!! on friday!!!!!!#and i have therapy in an hour. less than that now.#ive been having too many damn appointments in my pursuit of diagnosing all my shit and also general upkeep#oh yeah apparently i have PCOS. lol. not too severe but it's there.#andddddd im starting birth control to help level out my hormones and periods and whatever#OH YEAH I LOST MY WATER BOTTLE!!!!!! im so sad about that actually bc ive had that for several years now#and im in a hospital and i do not like hospitals. historically very awful experiences in these fucking places.#ue ue ue (sound of me crying)(im making it sound joking but im actually rather unhappy rn)#and ummmmmm aside from that i had a presentation this morning. it went fine.#anyways thats my day so far including my medical information. youre welcome lmfao#still more normal than 'omg i know how big my liver is now' tho probably đđđđ
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(advice appreciated + long ass tags)
this sucks this sucks this SUCKS FUCK. ive been hokeschooled / "unschooled" for the entirety of my 8th grade and school is starting again in 2 weeks and i really want and really need to be back in school but idk if im mentally at all ready. opening day would be best to go back obviously but i didn't spend anytime during summer preparing for the routine / fixing my damn sleep schedule but i really need this .
i also know its gonna SUCK because i have severe sensory processing issues (tldr my brain Cannot filter out uncomfortable noises / textures / etc andi go Fucking ballistic and melt/shutdown) and even at home im having multiple daily meltdowns / panic attacks from just the everyday noises / sensations so god forbid what it will be like around 300 teenagers who don't know personal space exists.. i also have a severe anxiety disorder / autism so itll be even MORE fun :-) yaAy (thats not factoring in PDA disorder which is made my dad drop me out anyways because its Fucking Hell trying to go to school with that)
but i want this. i need this . iwant to get an education. i wanr to be around kids my age instead of being forced to be inside all day. i want to have routine and make friends and feel normal. im just scared that because of circumstances out of my control ill never get that
#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this#having to factor in the school part of school ...#my brother in christ i don't even know how to multiply and divide#or more basic spelling (save me autocorrect)#how will i survive in a giant room full of kids my age or younger who are all objectively smarter than me while I'm always 3 seconds away#-from a panic attack#i never told my dad or teachers any of this because i don't want to be held back and forced to not be around kids my age and#waste my teenage years away#i don't want to be 15 entering back fucking 5th grade#even if im not held back i don't know at all how to interact with people. at all#autism + panic attack thing + i was never taught Any sort of masking or social interaction#not joking bout the masking part.#i envy the people who say they get invisible shutdowns in social situations and people believe they're neurotypical#because if i get even slighty overstimulated i start crying/screaming/running away on the spot#emotional regulation is like . an alien concept to me . my emotions are inherently explosive#and i KNOW im not like this medicated because i used to be on anxiety meds that would stop the panic attacks but-#one day my dad just??? decided??? to throw away all my meds without at all telling me or my psychiatrist ????#âi dont want you taking these anymoreâ ???? okay ?????#we weren't having any problems he just Decided he didnt want me happy anymore I Guess#anyways weird dad tangent aside#im stupid + dont know how interact + dont know how to be normal + schedule that doesn't fit =/= school#but i need to get an education to be normal ane get a job đđ#what do i do#advice needed#advice would be appreciated#school#school advice#sorry for the long post#~ . đž
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Ok people acting like feeding anything that isnât owned by Purina or hills will kill your pets are being a BIT dramatic here. I have never used either and all of my animals are miraculously alive and fully healthy.
#I have one cat on prescription Royal canin and the rest on 4health#dogs get Rachael ray dry and Merrick canned#All of which was endorsed by my vet ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ#so was Taste of the Wild my dogs just donât like it much#Iâve fed both grain and grain free in the past and noticed no real difference other than some animals preferred one over the other.#all my animals live 15+ aside from one cat when I was a child who was poisoned by a neighbor#another unfriendly reminder to keep cats indoors#Is all of this anecdotal? Yep!#but so are a lot of these claims for what food is the best#there is no one right answer it depends on the needs of your specific animal#but Buddy you almost certainly donât need to be paying for overpriced food if your pet doesnât have a specific medical issue
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