#ash also wishing he still had his gun

[d4rk-x-w0lf-17]

wind breaker au where ash lynx is sakura's guardian angel and is currently having an aneurysm, wanting to strangle endo and giving griffin a thousand apologies and praise cuz he now knows what it's like to be an older brother to a reckless idiot

[eyelambspider]

𝟎𝟑. 𝐀𝐩𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐩𝐬𝐞 & 𝐀𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 || 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞

Day three of Kink/Creeptober! Here is the list of my prompts & event terms!

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : john price x gn!reader 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : Its the zombie apocalypse, and as a former military man, John Price leads your group to a rooftop in order to get saved. Shortly after, he comes up to you with an offer that surprises you: He wants to fuck you like its the end of the world. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 1.6 k 𝐚/𝐧 : although I think this works for both a fem & male reader (I don't describe reader's body in great detail) please lmk if it doesn't and I will change this to fit pronouns! also, the 'saved' scene is very L4D coded 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 : smut, nsfw, mentions of death/gore/guns (the zombies), no use of y/n, creampie, dirty talk, praise, kissing, aftercare, fluff, swearing (the least of our problems huh?)

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐊 𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋. Swarms of the undead had sprung up, laying waste to the streets. It had only been a week or so since it had started and news of the virus had gone—quite literally—airborne.

Captain John Price had led the handful of survivors to the abandoned hotel. The bravest of the group took up guns and fired at the undead that lurked in the foyer. While a few women and children held back, knives and makeshift weapons in their hands.

"Come on! Everyone get in!" Price and a few men stood at the bottom of the stairwell, holding the door for everyone to flood in and make their way to the roof. Anxious to reach rescue.

Seven flights up, you pushed the door to the roof open with a bang. Immediately your eyes shot up towards the horizon, searching the skies frantically.

Had you all missed it?

The entire group slowly appeared behind you, Price coming up last. Everyone turning their tired faces towards the military man, searching his face for any sign of hope for their salvation. The only thing that had kept them going for days.

"They'll come," he assured. Although he couldn't really believe the words himself, it seemed everyone else did.

The small group of survivors began to collect themselves, willing to wait as long as it took for rescue. Everyone found something to do. Families began to make spots for the children to sit on with blankets and clothing, water and a bit of food beginning to go around. Some of the men even disappeared down to the seventh floor, clearing it properly of debris and barricading it... unable to stand idle even now.

The sky was filled with a haze of smoke, distant fires and sirens long died out wafting into the air. Polluting the city with the smell of death and ash. It was horrible, even from up here.

Some people couldn't bear to think about it, or begin to believe that the world had ended... You though, you were quite literally staring the apocalypse in the face.

Distant skyscrapers had collapsed, lit aflame like birthday candles. The yellow sun was hidden behind a dreamy haze of smoke. And below, where your eyes traced, the streets were crawling with zombies. Bits of flesh ripped from their faces. Some already bloated and decrepit, while others were still bleeding. Chunks of faces and limbs scattered about like urban trash. It was a mass of flesh, clawing their way towards the loudest noises, groaning and wailing like souls of the damned for just one more meal.

"You'll give yourself nightmares," a voice spoke. The accent had become so familiar during the past few days that you didn't even need to glance over your shoulder to know that Price was walking up to you.

He watched the way the eerie wind lapped at your hair, the way you peered over the edge... his dark eyes unable to read that distant expression on your grimy face.

He really wished he had a smoke right now. A long and deep sigh slipped from his lips as he watched the corpses below the building linger aimlessly like termites. Bumping into each other mindlessly with groans and slobbery hisses. Just looking for their next victim.

Price glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. You weren't really paying attention, but his eyes lingered on the soft curve of your back as you leaned over to look down. He licked his lips, inhaling softly as if to say something before the sounds of choppers began to fill the air.

Zombies and survivors alike turned towards the thunderous sound. Black helicopters flew overhead in the dozens, blotting out the sun with whirring rotors. Although some of the survivor's cheered and waved for help... Price's stomach dropped.

Something wasn't right.

Everyone watched in confusion and despair as the government helicopters flew overhead and passed them by, stirring up smoke as they headed deeper into the city. Oblivious to the people who wailed and cried out in panic for them to come back.

You watched with wide eyes as the rescue slipped right through your fingers like sand in an hourglass.

That night, it all seemed hopeless.

But, as humans always do, they held out miraculously.

Some survivors made a make-shift 'Save Us' sign to hang over the roof using spare bedsheets and gore from the street. Others continued to barricade the floor off, everyone collectively agreeing to start preparing for the long haul.

They had given you a room to stay in, everyone shared a hall, but most families and people that knew each other kept their doors open to chat. Yours was closed, leaving you to stare aimless up at the ceiling. Listening to the sounds of your breath against the clamor of people in the hall trying to comfort each other to the world ending just outside those large windows. Zombies, once people you might've known, growled and screamed for their next face to tear open with their teeth-

Before you could stumble further into despair, the door to your hotel room clicked closed. You sat up and glanced over, that questioning look on your face making Price sigh again, his hands coming to rest on his dusted jeans.

"I have an... offer you might want to here me out on," he tossed his hands up, as if he wasn't exactly sure how to fucking say it-

God, he really wanted to fuck you, and the apocalypse seemed like no better excuse to do just that.

"Fuckk," Price panted against your pulse, his face buried into the crook of your neck, breathing in your very essence each time his hips snapped forwards. "You feel so fucking good," he groaned, sucking a deep red mark into your heated skin.

The two of you were tangled in white sheets. Price had you laying beneath his burly body, your soft legs wrapped around his hips, squeezing and pulling him in deeper. The sensation of Price's cock burying itself to your hilt made the two of you moan into each other with equal fervor. His tip slamming softly into that sweet spot inside of you that both made your eyes roll.

This was everything he fucking needed for the past few days. His mind not focused on rationing or food or all that other shit- God he just wanted your sweet body beneath him like this. Watching your body bounce below him softly from the force of his thrusts. His cock buried so tantalizingly deep into your tight heat. The sound of your skin against his- "Fuckk," he groaned again, nearly tipping over the edge just thinking about it.

You moaned beneath him, holding onto his broad shoulders, fingers skimming over his war-torn skin for purchase, holding on for dear life as the soldier unintentionally gave your body all his pent up energy. When he felt you raise your hips to meet his insistent thrusts, he could've sworn he was in love.

"Price!" You begged. For more, for anything. Everything about him was addicting. The way sweat glistened off his dark brows, the way his soft eyes held yours as he pounded into you, watching every reaction, every breath you took with his pupils blown wide open with pure lust.

He could see how much you loved it, could feel how hard your walls clamped around him.

He shook his head, dipping down again to capture your lips in a heated kiss. "Fuck, I'm not going to last long with you looking like that baby," he whispered.

He kept you under him, enrapturing you with his warm skin and musky scent. Price hiked your left leg up and over his strong forearm, spreading you open for him. Allowing him to sink in deeper with a deep growl of satisfaction.

Price could feel his orgasm beginning to build at the base of his spine, his measured thrusts becoming a sloppier the more he chased it. He knew you were close too, he could feel your body writhing beneath his, begging for more friction, trying to hold him impossibly close.

Even with a horde of the undead standing a few floors below, trapping you all into this hotel. Even with the sounds of distant helicopters and fires raging in the background, or the incessant creak of the bed every time your bodies met... All you could hear was each other. Blocking out the world just to listen to those sweet cries and those low growls of satisfaction.

With one powerful thrust, Price came inside of you with a guttural moan, smothering the sounds of his orgasm into your neck. He kept thrusting, riding out the heavenly high he got from your body... even when he felt you squeeze down on him with one final cry.

The strong man above you suddenly went a little limp in your arms, his lips brushing against the burning shell of your ear as he panted, "That was fucking perfect." He found himself chuckling, the two of you spent from the exertion.

Price felt you whimper below him, feeling your legs tremble around him with a sly grin. You were going to feel that in the morning... Inner thighs already feeling sore.

"I got ya," Price grunted, untangling himself from your limbs. His muscular arm never leaving your waist even as he settled behind you under the sheets, making the two of you comfortable by pulling the blanket back up. He cradled you close to him, your back pressed against the hard planes of his chest. "Get some sleep," he murmured, planting a soft, almost weary, kiss to your temple. As if the act was suddenly too intimate and out of place in a burning world.

[totallynotcoffeeturtle]

A married cowboy? More plausible than it seems.

･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･

(No hsr masterlist yet, sorry!) || Genshin masterlist

Tags: angst, some fluff, all hurt no comfort, established relationships, gn! reader. Summary: What more can a galactic ranger wish for, surrounded by his beloved spouse, child and all of his friends?

Cw: mentions of death, loss of loved ones, revival of said loved ones, some self hatred (from boothill), dead reader

A/N: boo! yes, this is the new fandom i am writing for! and how could you guys tell that i love seeing the little guy in pain? more pain for boothill very, very soon! (i love him, he's such a funny dood)

･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･✩ You and Boothill were childhood friends to lovers to spouses.

✩ You meant so much to him. You were both the reason he picked up the gun and the reason he set it down at the door.

✩ He was ecstatic to adopt a child of your own, to expand the family he had built with you.

✩ He admittedly cried the day your little kiddo pointed at him and call ‘dada’ in your arms.

✩ Boothill didn't say it much, but he always looked forward to arriving home to your warm smile and table full of freshly made food.

✩ He would give up the world for you in a blink an eye.

✩ Boothill always loved to cuddle you and your child to sleep, even when he gets pushed right off the bed when either of his favorite people in the world fell asleep.

✩ He also loved to help you around the house and watch your daughter doodle on the floor,  simply play house with her, or let himself be the dress-up doll to you and your daughter’s mischievousness.

✩ Boothill appreciated each day he got to live in peace with his family right by his side, in the rare, hard-earned peace at the farm. 

★ So nothing can ever prepare him for that day.

★ He survived, just barely. But you? 

★ He saw your body getting turned into ashes while making a futile attempt to protect your child.

★ Boothill had lost his family and everyone he loved in one day.

★ In Penacony, in the dream, he sees you once again, still perfectly healthy and waiting for him.

★ Boothill freezes up. He doesn't want you to see him in this state.

★ He has already lost himself, more metal than man, more bloodstained than even a hardened criminal.

★ For a moment, he wants to run away, somehow board his ship again and make a swift escape, just so you will not have to lay eyes upon his current state.

★ During that split second, you are already running to him for a hug, laying soft kisses all over his face with reckless abandon.

★ It is as if nothing changed, you, him and your sweet child in the golden wheat fields.

★ Boothill staggers but instinctively uses a hand to hold you up. He doesn't want to believe that this is just a dream.

★ He wants to be selfish just once, after all of the years he spent trying to protect his own justice.

★ He threads his now mechanical fingers through your hair slowly. Oh the things he would trade just to feel each strand against his skin again.

★ It is just like before, he kisses you awake and hands you your cup of coffee, all the while guiding his daughter out of bed and getting her to go change.

★ He watches you reheat the leftovers from the kitchen entrance, love shimmering in his eyes before pulling out the chairs for his royalties, you and your little daughter.

★ The peaceful days once again feel like they can go on forever, this time on the planet of festivities.

…

★ When Boothill fires the shot, he can still see you from afar. You look up at him, still holding the kiddo between your arms.

★ The barely healed wound inside his metal heart bleeds again when you smile at him, almost knowingly, and waves. Your kid waves along despite being confused, shooting a toothy smile at his direction.

★ Oh, she lost another tooth today. He wonders if you have helped little kiddo throw it onto the roof or do you need help with it later on when he returns.

★ Boothill closes his eyes tightly. He refuses to see his family slip through the cracks of his fingers again.

★ The dream ends for everyone, both those who want to be free of it and those who wish to sink. Boothill’s medals shimmer in the light cutting a path through the sky. 

★ The moon is beautiful again tonight.

･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･+‧₊‧.°.⋆.🫧 .•˚₊‧⋆:｡+.･ﾟ･˚‧･

Taglist: (comment 'tag me' under this post or the soon-to-exist masterlist to be tagged in future boothill / hsr posts)

[hearts4violett]

dead man

tw: r4pe (not done by/to fez or ash), abusive bf, murder, and the rest is just sweet

(i was r4ped 3 days ago so this is kinda my way of coping, also this is my first time writing on here so im sorry if it sucks lol)

why did this have to happen to me? thats all that you could think as you stumbled your way to the house you always go to in times like these, fezcos house. this time was different. usually you would go there after you and your boyfriend had an argument which would result in him hitting you. fez and ash had always told you to leave the guy. they hated him more than anything in this world. you had feelings for fez and he had feelings for you, but your boyfriend was in issue. ash had seen you as a mother. he loved you to death and would do anything for you, both of them would.

this time though was worse than you couldve imagined. your boyfriend came home drunk as he usually does and was in the mood. you said no and he didnt like that, he took it as a challenge. he had forced himself in you and left you when he was finished. hes probably out drinking again. you finally make your way to fezcos house and knock on the door softly, having no energy from walking and what your boyfriend had done to you. Ash opens the door and sees you, blood running down your legs, mascara and tears smeared down your face, and your hair going every which way. ashs face drops and its then that you see fezco come from out of his room.

they took you in instantly. fez sat you on the couch as ash went and got a blanket. "Did he do this to you?" Fez wasnt stupid, he knew what he had done and so do ash even though you hadnt told them. As i stare off blankly, i slowly nod, the words not coming out. Ash wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and walked to the other room. I knew what he was going to do.

Ash walked back in and tossed a gun into fezcos lap, ash having one of his own. "Lets go fucking kill him." I turn to look at ash and then to fezco who was shaking with rage. How could someone do this to someone like you? you were kind and gentle and you didnt deserve any of this. Fez turned to you "You want me to kill him for you? I'll do it, ill kill that motherfucker, just say the word." He said as he reached out and held my hand. Again, all i could do was nod. He was a dead man.

Me nodding my head was all fez and ash needed before getting up and walking to the door. Fez looked back at me and mouthed the words I love you before leaving. i sighed, as if i knew the one thing in my life that made me want to die, was going to be gone soon. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to shower. I could feel his hands still lingering on me and i couldnt stand how dirty i felt.

While stripping off my clothes, i noticed the marks he had left on me. He had left hand prints on my neck and bruises littered my body. I wanted to cry at the sight of them, but at this moment, i couldnt. my body couldnt produce a single tear. I wish it would though.

After getting out, i felt better in a way. less dirty. i went to fezcos room and stole a tshirt and some boxers. Fez always told me i was more than welcome to wear his clothes when i stayed here. As i had finished putting on my clothes and brushing my hair and teeth, i heard the door open. I peeked out and there stood ash and fez, covered in blood. He was finally gone.

Now my tears started to work. I let out a small sob and ran over to them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you" i whispered out. They hugged me tightly, as if i would disappear if they let me go. Fez rubbed circles on my back and caressed my hair. Ash had walked away to clean up. "Hes gone, baby, its ok" fez says quietly. I was finally free.

I took my head away from the side of his neck to look at him, i wanted nothing more than to be with fez forever. I finally could and i knew he would take care of me and do anything for me.

[90sbee]

The patrol is over

Leon S. Kennedy x Ashley Graham

2k words. Also on ao3

As Leon and Ashley await for the helicopter to take them to safety, Leon is slowly spiralling, full of concern still. It is then that a ghost from his past decides to visit him.

What can I say, I had this idea already and then I saw Leshley Week... It was like the perfect excuse to write and post this one. Also this fic is quite silly but, hey, I love writing Leon's pov. Also @lightning-hawke is a sweetheart and she made sure that this was readable. Everybody please thank you to this brave soldier who had to face my 3am delusional writing.

Content: All Leon's pov, angsty and sad but also. Cathartic. Ash is asleep the whole time cos baby needed a nap after all that. Spooning, protective!Leon.

Warnings: Hallucinations, anxiety. Mention of guns, knives, zombies. Sleep deprivation. And I think that's it? Yeah, this is actually SFW, for once, haha.

It’s been three hours. Maybe four. Perhaps five.

Leon can’t sleep. He has tried it, though, but his body is still running on adrenaline and anxiety and he doubts that he will actually get some rest today.

Whatever. He has had it worse.

Ashley is passed out on the bed, curled up into herself, softly snoring. Leon blinks, trying to keep his eyes open. Even if his body is exhausted, his mind is still rushing through all the different scenarios in which this could still go wrong, heart rattling inside his chest.

What if Luis was wrong? What if the Plagas is still inside them? What if he ends up falling asleep, body going slump on this old chair and when he wakes up, he has hurt her?

God. Such idea gives him goosebumps, and he sits even farther from the bed.

What if instead, it is her? What if Ashley opens her eyes and tries to attack him?

Leon eyes the knife on the nightstand, the guns on the floor.

He knows he wouldn’t use any weapon against her, anyway. But if she hurt anyone, he’d be responsible.

God. Fuck responsibilities and guilt. It would’ve meant he had failed.

His blood runs cold then.

A failure. Assigned on what was, probably, the most important mission in his life. The president’s daughter involved, and what was supposed to be one of the top agents in the country, ruining everything. Returning a shadow of a woman, a timebomb.

Leon hides his face in his hands for a while, trying to catch his breath.

He knows he is spiralling.

He has to keep some faith: faith in Ashley, faith in Luis.

In himself, even if he is not used to it.

He looks at her, pursing his lips.

She breathes so calmly. Expression soft, features finally having some well-deserved rest. She is so gorgeous too. A soul too kind for him. He feels guilty for refusing to accept her proposal, though he is aware that being her bodyguard would have never actually been possible.

He blushes slightly, knowing that she at least wanted his company for a little longer. Maybe he is not so useless after all. She had also asked him to hold her to sleep, but he had simply shaken his head. “You’ll be fine, I promise. You’ll probably have a better rest taking up the whole bed”.

He sighs, crossing his arms. Leon is not sure how long it will take until the helicopter arrives. He hopes it is soon, because his head hurts and he feels hungry but he can’t leave her side and he definitely doesn’t trust the police officers next door.

No, scratch that.

He wishes the helicopter never arrives.

Because that means it is all over.

His gaze softens as he looks at her, feeling his heart pulling at its strings. For a moment, he considers it. A life with her. Visiting her at the White House. Maybe indeed fighting to accept the bodyguard position, his hand on her back as he keeps her safe once more, the sound of her laugh. The idea of getting acquainted with her shampoo brand, learning her favourite colour, kissing her forehead.

He is spiralling again, but this time in a more dangerous direction. Leon cracks his knuckles, yawning.

There is no point into wasting time thinking of all this. He can’t afford to lose footing in reality. And the reality is forcing him to remember that only a few hours they had both been fighting a Plagas, and he can’t be completely sure that the coast is clear. The mission isn’t over until she is back home, until they both reach American ground.

His foot starts hitting the floor quickly, as his headache gets even worse. He has to keep himself awake, he can’t lose focus.

At any given point Ashley could wake up and look at him with those soft doe eyes and ask anything, anything from him and, god, he’d give her the world, but first… But first he has to make sure that they’re both safe.

She’s make him feel like a worthy prince.

He can’t lose the princess for being careless.

He feels thirsty but he doesn’t even want to move his eyes away from her. His heart picks up when he thinks her chest stops moving up and down, but he realises it is his mind playing tricks on him as she sighs again.

Fuck. He is really losing his shit. He’s been trained for this crap. He barely sleeps anyway.

He curses in a whisper and looks down, grabs the water bottle next to his foot and sits down again.

That’s when he notices there is someone else in the room.

How? How would that be possible? There is no fucking way. It takes him just a second to fucking comprehend what is going on, but in an instant he has his knife on his fist, standing up as he approaches the figure, ready to attack the stranger.

The knife doesn’t hit anything.

Leon stills his movements then, realising that he recognises the face in front of him: the dirty-bloodied uniform, the stupid toothy smile, the look of hope in his eyes.

It’s him. The ghost of his younger version, the one from Raccoon City, stands before him.

“Fuck off,” Leon groans. He knows now that he is hallucinating. “Go away,” he pleads, in a growl, sitting down once more. His fucking head feels like about to explode.

“Buddy, I don’t think I’m going anywhere,” answers the more excitedly voice.

Leon considers replying, but he doesn’t want to wake Ashley up. The poor thing has already gone through too much, the least she needs at the moment is the man that is supposed to keep her safe having a full-on discussion with himself.

Fucking insane. He hides his face in his hands.

It’s not the first time it’s happened, that’s for sure. He’s gone through it all: hallucinations for being sleep-deprived, sleep paralysis after the most excruciating missions.

Most of the times it’s not even monsters, or zombies. Most times it’s people he knew: Annette, Ada a couple of times too. Last time it was Marvin, his body bloody and his eyes white as he swears he could hear his cries of pain still.

He wonders if maybe Luis will join as well, sometime, another painful reminder of his failures.

But himself? This was new.

“What the fuck do you want?” he mumbles. It Is stupid, Leon knows that. But perhaps by talking to this ghost of himself he could get rid of it faster, make sure he can go back to guard Ashley.

“Heh, I think it is obvious what you want,” the high-pitched voice replies. Leon looks up a moment, seeing the rookie sitting on the floor next to the bed, pointing at Ashley.

“Very funny,” Leon groans.

“What? Are you gonna deny it? I’m literally you.”

“Just, shut up.”

Surprisingly, that works. When Leon looks up once more, the figure isn’t there. He yawns, rubbing his temple. Maybe he is gone, for real. Maybe his mind will stop playing tricks on him now. He resumes his watch, his whole attention directed towards Ashley.

He is not even sure what time it is now, but he hopes it won’t be too long. At this point, he is being more of a nuisance than an actual help, a real protection for her. He knows he will have to sleep soon.

Not yet, though. Not fucking yet. He has to fucking hold on, try to keep it together.

“Hey, maybe you should get some actual sleep,” the voice suddenly interrupts him, now coming from next to him.

Leon almost stumbles from his chair, heart racing.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” he half-shouts, and immediately purses his lips, embarrassed.

The rookie, the fucking rookie, sitting down next to him.

“Sorry, just trying to help,” he mumbles.

Leon shakes his head. He doesn’t want to say anything else. He is sure he almost woke Ashley up. He decides to acknowledge this presence, since it is becoming quite clear that it is not leaving for now.

“What do you want? Don’t fucking say Ashley, I swear to God,” he whispers, ashamed.

“Well, you’re the one that should know that. Your brain is literally hallucinating me at this point.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I can’t sleep yet,” he replies, crossing his arm as he stands up, trying to walk around the room a little, forcing his body not to pass out.

“You look incredibly nervous, dude,” his younger version chuckles, seemingly amused.

“I’m not.”

“Why are you walking around, then?”

“Well, someone has to make sure the president’s daughter doesn’t die on my watch. I’d say that’s some pretty big responsibility,” his heart is about to get out of his chest, and he is sweating.

The headache is now deeper, more annoying.

“She is safe now, Jesus Christ. Give yourself some credit, man.”

“She is not,” Leon suddenly replies.

“She is. Don’t you trust Luis? Do you think he would have lied to you?”

That does stop him in his tracks. Perhaps the rookie has a point. Leon nods, slowly. In the darkness of the room, he looks at his arms. The veins are normal still. He hasn’t had any weird visions since they got the Plagas expelled.

Well, except for the unpleasant vision that his own mind conjures. Maybe even more annoying than Lord Saddler’s ones.

He doesn’t acknowledge the rookie, though, but he comes back to sit on the chair.

“How many hours has it been now?” this ghost insists.

“I dunno.”

“You do know.”

God. He didn’t remember his younger voice being that annoying. Leon inhales, trying to calm himself down.

“Five hours,” he replies after a moment.

“If any of you were still infected, don’t you think the Plagas would have acted up by now? Also, Lord Saddled is dead now. There is no one controlling the Plagas now. All the Ganado died, remember?”

Leon hates that the little kid is right.

“I guess that’s true,” Leon admits.

The rookie laughs.

“She is fine. You don’t need to keep watching over her like a creep. I mean, not that we are being creepy…”

Leon interrupts himself: “Just go to the point, man”.

The rookie looks up at him, glittering eyes full of hope and a gentle small on his face.

“Look, I thought I was the rookie here, but you’re being a whole amateur now,” he stands up, in silence. “The patrol is over, rookie”.

Leon looks at himself. That shadow of himself, too full of hope and of light. He blinks, still processing the rookie’s words… His own words, echoing from and inside his head.

The patrol is over.

Fuck.

He slumps on the chair, eyes welling up with tears. For a moment, he lets himself cry in silence, under the soft sound of Ashley’s breathing. He breaks down a little, feels pity for himself, as well as relief. He dries off his tears with his palm, trying not to be too much of a mess in case she wakes up. He should be strong still. He needs to be.

By now, the headache is unbearable and his eyes hurt, a combination of exhaustion and the tears. But he knows it’s true: they’re both safe. He saved her. Ashley is safe. And even if he can’t have her, if this story ends in a few hours, he can still breathe without regrets. He can even make sure that their last memories together are something pleasant, something nice and comforting.

Leon tries to calm his breathing. He looks up, still curious as to whether the old presence is still there, but not anymore.

No more ghosts in the room. Just Ashley and him now.

With heavy steps he moves towards the bed, dizzy by now. He lies down on the bed and allows himself to breathe against Ashley’s shoulder, timidly holding her from behind. He grips her body close to his, knowing this is the only and last time he’ll have this chance. And even if she is half-asleep, Ashley sighs, content on her sleep, as Leon closes his eyes, finally allowing himself to rest.

The patrol is over and so is their story. But for a while, they can still lie close together, in the dark. Both finally safe, at last.

My brain actually wanted to be mean and make it Marvin instead of Rookie Leon but you know what. I don't need to break my heart like that SO much. Let Leon be angry at himself, it's fun, lol.

[misguidedasgardian]

From the Ashes (II)

II. Mother's little helper

MASTERLIST

Summary: The situation with John is still pretty rocky, lucky for you, Djinns had been said to grant your wishes 

Pairings for this chapter: Dean x reader, John x reader (you'll understand)

Warnings: Supernatural (and all that comes with it), monsters of all kinds, pyrokinesis, cursing, murder, child endangerment, impersonating of law enforcers, guns, mentions of virginity loss, birth, blood drinking, might miss some warnings

Wordcount: 2,9 k

Notes: I re-wrote the first one

2001, Jackson Hole, Wyoming

You woke up with a smile on your face, it was an exciting day after all, you almost jump out of bed, energized by the smell of breakfast, you could hear your mother singing in the kitchen downstairs. You wanted to jump to the first floor but you knew she wouldn’t like that, so you ran as fast as you could and in a second you were right by her side

“Good morning mama!”, you chanted, she smiled at you grabbing your face and kissing your cheek

“Good morning my love”, she said, with the brightest smile, “excited for today? I can’t believe my daughter is going to Stanford!”

“It’s not a big deal!” you said coyly, but you knew it was

“I’m so proud of you”, she said, looking at you with loving eyes

“Thank you mommy”, you whispered, she hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head

“You have to get me one of those stickers for the car, the ones that read “my daughter is in stanford” or a t-shirt!”, she said excitedly, as she served you breakfast, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast, you made the coffee, and you shared an amazing time.

“You know, california is beautiful, if you want, we can sell the house and I can move down there with you”, she offered

“Mom, you love it here, is where our family was from”, you said softly, “besides this house is a dream, with how expensive everything is in San Francisco, we’ll get a place like a ⅓ of the size”, you explained

“Oh I get it, my daughter doesn’t want me going down there and spoiling her fun!”, she teased,

“No!”, you giggled, “that is not it”

“I get it love”, she said softly, caressing the side of your face, “you are going to be great”, she said 

“Thank you”, you said, smiling widely. You had spend the last two years traveling the world after you ended high school, and now you were ready to start college, not any college, you had been accepted to Stanford

And you were so excited

“Remember to use your gloves honey”, she said sweetly, kissing you on your forehead, already saying your goodbyes, “and also, remember to keep away from photos as much as you can, alright?”, she asked, “you know now in the new age, everyone wants their picture taken to upload it to the internet and the internet…”

“Is forever”’, you completed, “I remember”

“Have fun, and take care sweety”, she said lovingly, and you hugged her one last time to leave your home

You got into your car, your Pontiac firebird a family friend had gotten you for your birthday and started your journey

You were driving to California, you loved roadtrips, good music, your baby, an open road… amazing

You reached San Francisco three days later. Just in time for orientation, as you were getting out of your car, you stumbled upon a large dude, he was tall! like a tree!

“I’m so sorry!”, you mumbled at the same time, his dark eyes met you down

“Nice ride!”, he admired, you felt your cheeks heated

“Thank you”, you whispered, looking back at your baby, “are you here for orientation?”

“Yes actually, you too?”, you nodded enthusiastically, “great, I’m Sam, Sam Winchester”, he said offering his hand, you shook it back, muttering your name back to him, he looked at the gloves weirdly, it might be fall but it was still warm

“What’s with the gloves?”, he asked curiously

“Oh I… well, it was an accident, I was four, my mom was cooking, she turned for one second…”, you said like you have told that lie a thousand ways before, “my hands… are weird looking but also very sensitive”

“Oh”, he said, like he had messed up, “sorry”

“Don’t sweat it”, you said softly, “it’s a common question”, you walked into the campus together, you were looking at everything with a mouth wide open, it was an incredible campus

Turns out, you and Sam met the first day, and you sticked together every day since, he wanted to become a Lawyer, you wanted to become an architect, but you made it work, you studied together, you hang around together and you started to build a group of friends around you

And just like that, four whole years happened, Sam started dating Jess, and they were super happy, and you were already enlisting yourself to be the maid of honor, and you… well… you were hanging around with a guy, but you weren’t too sure about him

Henry

He was so handsome and tall, he was the perfect man, a gentleman, and yet… you still weren’t so sure about him, there was something missing. 

You were actually discussing this with Jess, you were together, the three of you, when Sam’s apartment doorbell rang. Sam frowned, going for the door, and when he came back, he wasn’t alone. 

“Well, hello gorgeous”, he purred your way when Jess and Sam were in the kitchen

“Hi”, you muttered simply. He was handsome, deep green eyes, spiky hair, leather jacket, very hip. VERY handsome

“Are you… Sam’s friend?”, he asked

“Yes, we met first year here”, you said simply, he only nodded, a smirk on his lips, you even felt nervous with him.

“I’m Sam’s brother”, he said and you nodded, acknowledging him

“Here”, said Sam, bringing him a beer. You couldn’t stop staring at him, and him you. Sam noticed this, and seemed uncomfortable

“What brings you here Dean?”, he asked nervously, just then Dean looks at his brother

“I can’t pay a visit to my little brother?”, he asked  cheerfully, “let’s turn this around, order a couple of pizzas, drink some beer, you can invite some friends”, he said lightly

And turn it around you did

Soon the small apartment was packed, Dean was the soul of the party, that let you have a chat with Sam

“He just got out of SFS”, Sam said apologetically, “he majored in mechanical engineering”, he said lightly. You sneaked a peek at Dean and he was looking back at you, he smirked 

“Is that so?”, you mumbled, he chuckled, you looked back at him

“I know that sneaky look in your eyes”, he said

“He is handsome”, you said, he seemed entertained, “is he going to break my heart?”, you asked

“No”, he said softly

And he didn’t. Dean worked at a garage with his father while you attempted to finish school, by the time you were graduating, Sam proposed to Jess, even though they were very young, they were so in love, they got married, and when you attended their wedding in a beautiful deep purple dress -as a maid of honor-, you and Dean, both attended the wedding together, you had been dating for a year now, you danced all night, you in his arms, and he asked you, to move in with him, you of course said yes.  

You met his father, John, at the very wedding, he was happy. Their mother had died when they were children, he never remarried. But he seemed so happy to be there, with his two boys, and with their girls. 

Your mother had told you, many years ago, as a bedtime story, that you, as a phoenix, mated for life, you feel a pull, a string leading you to that person, and you’ll be happy together. You believed that, you wanted it. Dean holds you in his arms, kissing the top of your head.

“I love you”, he whispered

“I love you too”, you said happily. 

You told him you were a phoenix, he didn’t care.

He found it fascinating.

You lived happily, you moved in together, you worked in your dream job, restoring old buildings in San Francisco, Dean worked in his father’s shop. He asked you to marry him, you eloped in Vegas. With Sam, Jess and your parents. 

You were living in an apartment on top of the shop, it was so comfortable, it was your home.

You found out you were pregnant, with twin girls

Your mother was there, she lived with you to help you with the girls, she was by your side when you gave birth. Dean loved her, and… you could honestly look up into the skies and give thanks, because you were the luckiest woman on the earth.

Dean was so over the moon, he was the greatest girl's dad you had ever seen. You fell even more for him, if that was even possible.

You had friends that you adored, you had the most handsome and incredible husband, which you loved with all your heart, you had a caring father in law. And you had two perfect little girls that took after their fathers, and you had your mother. 

Your life was perfect. 

“Really?”, she asked him, “you are giving her dreams instead of nightmares?”, she mocked, watching you on the floor, sleeping peacefully, “you are getting weak”, she whispered in her mate’s ear. Who had your wrist on his mouth, he had managed to break the skin, he was feeding from you. 

“She is too powerful”, the Djinn responded, blood dripping down the corner of his lip, “if she gets distressed she will break out of the trance”

“What is she?”, she asked back, fascinated

“I don’t know”, he answered, “but her blood… is delicious”. The other Djinn turned to John, laying on the floor next to you

“Let’s see how you taste old man”, she purred

John looked at the big farmhouse with curiosity, he went up the three wooden steps that lead to the porch and then inside of the house.

It was his parents house, they were gone now, but the house was lit up with life inside of it. The house had been abandoned but now, it had been brought back to life.

“Sweetheart? is that you?”, he heard a melodic voice coming from the kitchen. He looked everywhere, the house was completely renovated, it was beautiful, more beautiful than he remembered.

“Yes”, he answered, he didn't even know why, maybe it was a force of habit. 

He stopped by the mirror in the corridor and he looked at himself in it, there he was, himself. when he was thirty.

What the hell was going on?

He heard footsteps from the corridor leading to the kitchen, and then, his breath got caught in his throat when he saw you, coming towards him, with a beautiful smile, and a big baby bump. You look older than you were, at least thirty 

“We missed you”, you said with a bright smile, you were wearing an apron, you had flour staining it, you took his face gently in your hand and you kissed him, his hands traveled to your hips

“Hello darlin”, he whispered against your lips

“Papa!”, he heard footsteps tapping around in the corridor. Two children appeared, which he could recognize anywhere, Sam and Dean, looking as cute as buttons. Dean was eight and Sam was four. 

“(y/n) is baking my favorite pie”, said Dean Happily, John dropped his bag of tools, grabbing Sammy on his strong arms, and followed you into the kitchen. He found it weird that he called you by your name instead of… and then he saw a picture of Mary on the wall, with the boys. Where you…?

“Your little girl had been kicking me all day long!”, you said happily, finishing up in the kitchen

“Little girl?”, he asked, curiously

“Well, I know you can never know for sure”, you said softly, “but this old lady told me she thought it was a girl, and well, many things, we did the ring test, and rhe shape of the belly too…”, you muttered. He looked at your shape from where he was sitting. He must be dreaming. He looked at his boys, eating the chicken and potatoes you had made them. 

This had to be a dream

But he didn’t want to scare you.

He looked at your shape again, you were a woman now, grown, which let him know you were no longer a supernatural creature.Your huge belly, he looked at his boys, who looked back at him wide eyed, and smiling

He felt… happy.

“What happened?”, he dared to ask you, when you were both ready for bed, in the master bedroom.

“What do you mean?”, you asked softly. He was clearly… with you… but the boys existed too, and… “remember that this week, well, of course you remembered but I called the florist already”, yous aid gently

“What florist?”, he asked

“For… Mary’s memorial”, you said, looking at him sadly. Mary died, he remarried… you…. he had the boys and now he was expecting a girl… with you.

“Alright, thank you”, he said, leaning in and kissing your lips, you felt asleep cuddled by his side, your big belly over his stomach.

He was putting flowers on Mary’s grave. His friends and remaining family were there. but you weren’t, you didn’t feel well, and he realized you wanted to give him space, which he appreciated. It had been four years since Mary’s death, he believed it was a bit too soon to be married to you, but right now, he didn’t know what happened.

He worked in his own mechanic shop, his own, he was so proud of himself for achieving it, he came back to you and the kids every night, he went to his kid’s games, he even coached little league. 

He found you in the kitchen, your water broke, and you whined in pain.

He took you to the hospital, he left the kids with the neighbors, a loving couple you liked so much, that you barbequed with.

It was a girl, a beautiful little girl who looked like you.

He was happy, really happy. He’s got the cake, and he ate it too.

He woke up early that one morning, you were so tired, Violet kept waking you up for feeding in the middle of the night, but there you were, sleeping soundly next to him

“Dad!”, he heard, in the back of his mind, “DAD!”, the last thing he saw was your sleeping face, before Dean was shaking him awake. 

He was back in the present, and two Djinns lay dead, one, killed by the Dean, the other… copious amounts of blood were dripping from his mouth, like he just throw it all up, he was right next to you, your wrist… was healing but it had been bitten onto, severely.

Dean was over you now, shaking you awake

“Mom?”, you felt like you would die, you were so weak, your eyelids were heavy, very heavy

“No darling, it’s me”, you heard that gruff voice, Dean, tried to make you sit, but he had to grab you, you couldn’t keep your own body up

“Mmmm Dean?”, you asked, feeling so faint, like your brain was made of cotton

“Shh, I got you”, he shushed gently, “those bastards got you good”, lifting you from the ground. “Dad, are you ok?”, he asked

“Yes I’m fine Dean, take care of her!”, he insisted, the Djinns didn’t get to him in time. 

“What were they?”, you asked, as they both started walking away. 

“Djinns, got you and dad”, Dean carried you like you were a princess, out of the large Warehouse. It came back, all of it, you had come to Denver, in Colorado, to find and kill the Djinns that were draining dry innocent people. 

“I’m sorry”, you whined

“It’s fine, thanks to you, I got the time to rescue dad and gank them”, he said

“What happened?”, you asked then

“They fed off of you, they seemed rabid for it”, he said, he laid you in the back of the Impala, and closed the door gently, you curled up, hugging yourself, it seemed impossible, but you might have been experiencing cold for the very first time

Both John and Dean got inside the car, John in the passenger seat, he turned over the leather seat and looked at you

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”, he asked, concern in his features

“Mhm”, you mumbled, barely

“I’m sorry”, he muttered

“It’s fine”, you whispered

“Is she going to be alright?”, he asked Dean, he shook his head

“I will”, you promised, “I need a minute”

“I didn’t even know monsters could feed off of phoenixes”, John said, Dean started the car and leaving the scene quickly

“They did, but one of them died because of it, he started screaming, like he was being burned, and then he just collapsed and died”, he said quickly, “like her blood was poison or something”

“Mmmm I need a sandwich”, you mumbled, really out of it

“What kind of sandwich?”, asked Dean

“Mmmm meat… cheese… mayo”, you barely whisper, “and a strawberry milkshake”

“That sounds… pretty good”, Dean said happily. “Let’s get away from this crap-ass city”, he said 

John kept looking back at you. You just dozed off, only in a couple of hours, you were going to be brand new. 

Post chapter notes: Soooo Reader wished her mom never died. And John fleetingly wished he met the reader “before”, didn’t specify much.

Maybe this chapter is a bit weird, its similar to the one where Dean gets trapped by a Djinn and he alucinates... anyways... happy reading

taglist! <3

@deans-spinster-witch

[rioreeve]

trip to the docks

//Ground floor retail access & the docks. Nov 21.

Zach put everything on his bed: a flashlight, two powerbanks, his phone, two knives, and a gun he had brought from the chopper. Two bottles of water and a few protein bars. A small first aid kit. He crossed his arms on his chest and studied the items before he decided he had everything they might need and put them all in his backpack. "You're not going with me," he told Doom when he jumped onto the now-empty bed, wagging his tail. He had prepared some food for the dog earlier, and this time, he also had to ask someone to puppysit Doom while he was gone. They would soon run out of dog food, so if he and Ash were lucky enough to get some on their way back, he would kill two birds with one stone. If that wasn't possible, however, he would have to sneak out and get some for Doom Slayer by himself. He wished he had ordered more last time... Now that everything was ready, Zach checked his watch; Ash should be waiting for him at the only available exit from the building, and he still had to drop off his dog at Ember's, so he picked up the backpack, collected Doom's stuff, and headed out of his condo, hoping they would be back before it got dark and the streets were an even more dangerous place. "Come on, we gotta hurry, buddy."

He knew neither of them would change their mind, but the closer to their meeting point he was, the more he thought about the whole undertaking. They had so many questions, and the answers to at least some of them would be on that ship. This trip and getting those answers wouldn't bring an end to anything, but he wondered what would change. Maybe, they would be closer to understanding something about this virus and how it all started. Well, they had to get there first.

Greeting Ash with a nod when he finally joined him, he asked, "Ready?" A part of him was excited to leave this building for several hours and see how the city looked now. Not that it had changed much since the last time, though.

@ashton-ryder // @byenycfm

[gayvecchio]

The Other by omnishambles - word count: 30006

Then it clicks: she means the other one. Ray Kowalski’s back. Ray Vecchio's trying to scrape his life together post-Vegas, and then Kowalski turns up - quiet, unsettled, with a badge that still has Vecchio's name on it and nowhere to go. Why not work together for a while? Both of them are down a partner, after all. A post-canon AU.

Wisely and Slowly by brynnmck - word count: 3799

The first time it happens is a complete fluke.

Reasons that need exploring at this juncture by belmanoir - word count: 10247

After the Quest, Kowalski tries to figure out why he's remained in Chicago, and whether he really belongs there. Also, he and Fraser are roommates and he has the world's biggest crush on Vecchio.

We could be a whole parade by belmanoir - word count: 7910

Kowalski runs into Frannie at ballroom dancing at the Y.

We'll Sweep Out the Ashes in the Morning by ignaz - word count: 19350

Something had happened up there in Canada -- that much Ray knew. Something big, something serious, something that was still aching and raw. He had no idea how Kowalski had managed to stay alive in undercover gigs for so long; the son of a bitch wore his pain like a hairshirt, like a new tattoo so fresh it was still oozing blood.

By His Bootlaces by prudence_dearly word count: 15794

Time Travelling Rays!

In a Little While by brooklinegirl - word count: 9420

I lie awake at night and wait 'til you come in. You stay a little while and then you're gone again. Every question that I ask, I get a lie, lie, lie. - "Cry, Cry Cry" See, that was the thing: Vecchio always had to go.

Trample Down Barbed Wire by catwalksalone - word count: 2364

Ray's never been a fan of confined spaces.

Take Another Road by brooklinegirl - word count: 31927

Ray stared out the front windshield, wishing he had never heard of road trips, or Ray Kowalski, or Benton Fraser, for that matter.

Thursdays by spuffyduds - word count: 5140

AU where the Rays meet between s2 and s3

All These Stupid Things  by sdwolfpup - word count: 1468

Every time he turned around or moved at all it seemed, Kowalski would be there pressed tight up against him or have an arm draped casually near Ray’s thigh and the invitation so obvious in his eyes that Ray was surprised no one else said anything.

Secret Agent Man by aerye - word count: 3562

Secret agents, double agents, guns, microfilm and a gay bartender.

Opportune by seascribble word count: 2699

Kowalski has blown Ray seven (and a half) times total, and Ray's gotten the chance to return the favour exactly never.

dressing bad is like loving you by snoopypez - word count: 1708

The day Vecchio showed up to work in a pair of worn jeans was the same day Ray lost his mind.

[emptymanuscript]

When they say shelving stories isn't the end of things and that you can always come back, we mean it.

I did some extremely light editing work today, on a whim, for "In Shining Armor" which I wrote in 1993!

The file is so old that I had to download LibreOffice to even open the file and then convert it because Word considered the file format a threat (probably to their pocketbooks more than security but still...).

So, to go along with you can always come back, also remember to both back up and never throw any writing away. You do never know when you might need it.

Someone brought some of their old work in to writing group this week, mentioning it was one of their first things which they had been thinking about again but also that they felt bad about how bad it was. And I mentioned, hey, it's probably fantastic compared to my oldest stuff.

So then I was like, hey, I should dig out my equivalent piece.

And... Sheesh, it is BAD bad.

63 pages double spaced but still with 8 parts and 41 chapters. One is a prologue and I'm fairly certain the last 4 "chapters" are all epilogues, two with multiple brand new characters being introduced in them. You know, for all those epic sequels I was going to write.

Peter Jackson has got nothing on me.

I also managed a very graphic sex scene without ever describing the body of one of the participants. Must have cut that for the magazine back in the day. Highschoolers writing smut! Scandal! Outrage! Why, I never! It's all too shocking! For shaaaaame!!

But it is at least spelling and grammar checked now XD so that's an improvement.

I don't know if I can quite imagine what this story would look like if I tried to do it now. Definitely not the same amount of smut. Don't know if it would be more or less, though.

It's so cliched fantasy.

Evil Tyrant overlord, check.

Return of the long lost prince, check.

Cursed good sorceress, check.

The peasants are revolting AND they're rebelling, Check.

My god the accents >_< XD!, yes, spell check, I do wish to keep all the whadya means.

...Somehow the rebels have guns when everyone else has swords.

The evil good Wizard did it.

The Wizard's name is Marlin, not to be confused with Merlin.

Villain (and HOMG check his name) gets a final monologue. AFTER he has gotten a fatal stab wound and is bleeding fire.

"You may think you have won," Darius gurgled, "But this is only the beginning. I shall come again. When you least expect it, and when you are least prepared to handle it, I  Darius Lucifero shall return." With that the flames engulfed him, and his ashes were set to the winds.

Che-eck, PLEASE.

Ah, no, it was only THREE epilogues. That's fine then.

XD!!!

So, you know, don't get too down on your writing. Trust me, you will get better. And probably faster than me XD! I still give villains final monologues. I like villain monologues.

I may just like monologues XD.

[thedroneranger]

The Drone Ranger's Be Kind Rewind ⏪ indynerdgirl Edition!

A rec reblog series dedicated to the fics that we love so much, we've re-read them!

@indynerdgirl's Rewind is here! I'll be taking a few recs off the list, and I hope you will, too!

While we continue to churn out amazing new content, let's be kind and rewind to look at some of the OG content we love! And don't forget to reblog when you re-read! Continue to show your comfort fics and favorite creators some love. It helps keep the fresh content coming :)

Let's keep this going throughout the summer, so if you're interested in participating in the Be Kind Rewind, message me. The more, the merrier!

If you want to know when a new Rewind drops, join the tag list, and check out previous Rewinds!

fics below the cut (listed in alphabetical order by title)

Flyboy, Jake Seresin, @kryptonitejelly This friends to lovers fic is just *chef’s kiss*. Jake is just so swoon worthy in this fic that everytime I reread it, I get just a little bit upset that he’s not real.

From The Ashes, Jake Seresin x Natasha Trace, @myshipsaresunk This Hannix rock star au will put you through the emotional ringer but it will be so worth it! I was lucky enough to beta read this one as it was being written and the endings of some of the chapters had me literally shouting at my computer screen due to some of the characters’ life choices.

Je te Laisserai Des Mots, Bradley Bradshaw, @jupitercomet This is an arranged marriage au but it’s also what I would call a period piece au. The writer says she was heavily inspired by Greta Gerwig’s Little Women but it also gives off some regency era vibes as well. Whatever era it’s supposed to be, this fic is another one that I wish never ended because I would love to stay in the world forever.

Mamma Mia, Bob Floyd/Jake Seresin/Bradley Bradshaw, @perpetuelledaydreaming Take the plot of Mamma Mia, set it in the world of Top Gun, and you have this absolutely amazing fic! And I love how it’s tied into TGM by having the reader run into all three of them again when they’re back at Top Gun for the special detachment.

My Girl, Jake Seresin, @ereardon This fic just hits all of the right spots for me when it comes to the single dad trope. And it’s also one of those fics that I wish just never ended because I just adore this little family.

Oh, Baby, Jake Seresin, @seresinhangmanjake This is the first in a super sweet series and the emotions that come through this one had me tearing up a few times the first time I read it.

Sugar and Spice, Jake Seresin, @wombtotombx This is a fantastic fic and the way SB describes things makes you feel like you’re right there in the fic with the characters. And with how knowledgeable she is when it comes to all things Navy, there are a ton of little things in this fic that just give it that extra touch. She also has a really fantastic dad!Jake series that I highly recommend!

That's a Problem?, Bradley Bradshaw, @archivallyfound09 Another super sweet fic that does the single parent trope well! Bug and his love of his ‘Ooster and Dino snacks will absolutely melt your heart!

the echo (or the answer), Jake Seresin, @anniesocsandgeneralstore I still can’t believe that I almost skipped over this werewolf au when if first showed up on my dash but I am so glad I decided to give it a go. It quickly became one of my favorites and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it. 

The Princess and The Pilot, Jake Seresin, @perfectprettypisces I am a sucker for a good ‘dating the admiral’s daughter’ fic, especially when said daughter is the only girl with over protective brothers and this one ticks both of those boxes! And the sibling dynamics in this are top notch and very believable!

Creator's Own I Heard From The Heavens, Bradley Bradshaw Not only was this the very first Top Gun fic I ever wrote, but it was the first fic I had written in six years when I posted it last year. It’s also very personal to me. One of my younger brothers is a fighter pilot in the Air Force and while I am incredibly proud of him, I still can’t help but worry about him as an older sister is wont to do so this fic was me channeling those worries and fears I sometimes have in regards to my brother.

Tag list and friends: @petcr3 @desert-fern @Sagittarius-Lovewitch @mygyn @sweetwhispersofchaos @horseshoegirl @the-annoying-fan @dingochef @moon42flight @thecitysgraveyard @ereardon @roosterforme @cherrycola27 @galaxy-of-stories @taytaylala12 @malindacath @violyn20 @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @blue-aconite @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @hecate-steps-on-me @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @s-u-t @mavrellover91 @chicomonks @averyhotchner 

A kind reminder, this is a 18+ blog. While not all stories in the recommendation list are 18+, please respect boundaries and do not interact unless you are 18 years of age or older.

[actualbird]

God I agree so hard with you on the afterstories. I get what they were trying to do with them as a sweet ending to take the sting off the main story but it just cheapens the story so much!! I don't feel relief when reading about how they miraculously survived, I just kind of feel frustrated because the afterstory just really doesn't earn that relief at all.

I'd have preferred if they turned the afterstory into an actual additional part of the main story detailing how the boys survived because at least then it'd have a better chance of landing since it's more developed than just "oh yeah don't worry about it I got out fine :)". Or if they really wanted to keep it an afterstory...I don't know, maybe a reunite in the afterlife thing? It's also cliche but at least it doesn't cheapen the story as much by magically undoing the tragedy of the story.

Of course, ideally they'd stick to their guns and just end the story where it's supposed to end without any afterstory. Maybe I could understand the need for a fluffier epilogue for the other AU cards which could catch players not expecting angst off guard since the art doesn't give anything away but for Enduring Light's set of cards? Every single card has the boys looking badly beat up or in a bad situation for Luke, I'd be surprised if anyone pulled for the cards not expecting heavy angst.

I think in the end I just act as if the afterstories are non-canon, and considering during the secret chats some of the boys talk about their card counterparts as if they did die I think that might be what the devs intended too. I do still think the stories told in the AU cards are generally good from what little I've read, I just wish they'd commit that tiny bit more to telling a tragedy when they want to.

🌌

irt my thoughts on marius and luke's enduring light cards

wahhh hi hi milkyway anon!! glad im not the only one hehe cuz I AGREE WITH ALL THIS

the thing i most most agree with is if they took the "actual additional part of the main story detailing how the boys survived" approach to the afterstory, i wouldve Loved that. for luke's in particular his recovery seems like suCH AN INTERESTING STORY IN ITSELF HELLO??? he was fished outta the ocean and injured so badly that his recovery took a whole year???? i wanna read that!! i wanna read about him coming to terms with his injuries (and maybe even disability because you dont get out of an Exploding Airplane Crash unscathed. in my mind he had to get a limb amputated (hi chika if youre out there reading this ask you have infected me with the "amputate luke" hc) or at the very least cannot walk for a solid period of time after the accident. oh, and ptsd of course) and how he copes with all this

all in all, my dissatisfaction with the inclusion of the afterstories in this set of cards seems to show a pattern for my dissatisfaction with other tot cards i didnt vibe with: they were all (even partly) caused by tot's dedication to the format of their cards rather than the story within it

why didnt i like ssr looming nightmare? 6 acts were not enough to flesh out mc's side of the story, given that it was her nightmare. alas, 6 acts are all we get for regular ssr cards

why didnt i like ssr orange scent? 3 acts were NOWHERE near enough space for luke to be able to get over his fears and propose to mc. alas, 3 acts is all we get for anniv ssr cards

why didnt i like this bit of ssr sky ashes? because the existence of the afterstory undermines the tragedy's tragedy-ing. alas, afterstories are a staple of big event ssr cards

like.....i get that tot has to be consistent in their format for types of cards but it makes me sad to see when that consistency actively does the card story a disservice. these stories could be homeruns! if they were treated as the priority and not something to shove into a template that must be followed

anyhoo, it's nice to see im not the only one w iffy feelings abt the afterstories. i still liked sky ashes and im going your route about it by mentally editing the afterstory to be a recovery story instead of a fluff fix-all

thanks for the ask!!

[skierisa]

I don’t believe I’m familiar with your ocs so feel free to choose any but 🐉🗡️🧠

I think I could briefly talk about the three of them!

🐉 - Valerie is the only elemental master in her family, neither Nessa or Kenichi have any elemental powers. However, Kenichi taught himself how to use magic once the realms merged. The only power Vanessa has is the shape shifting ability shared by the people of her realm (is just a bit different than the Formlings).

🗡️ - Valerie is very good in combat, but she tends to forget she doesn't need to block and face every attack. Her chosen weapon are iron war fans. Kenichi mostly uses magic and does some sort of jiujitsu style of fight. Vanessa is the "weakest" among them, but knows some capoeira moves and learned how to use the naginata as a hobby (later she would take these more seriously).

🧠 - okay, this might be too long, so sorry in advance

Valerie and Kenichi were first created in 2017 because I wanted werewolf edgy OC's. Valerie used to use an axe instead of war fans, but her overall werewolf thingy and appearance were always the same. She also always had an "alt" aesthetic, or as alt as I could go as a 12 yo in the late 2010's thinking emo was very hardcore (ah, 12yo me was so dumb). I tried my best for her not to be a Mary Sue as well, so her outspoken and impulsive personality was always there. She was also created to be paired with Lloyd and they also always had this "haters to friends to lovers" dynamic. Again, as time went by, I needed to add good personality traita for her as well and I thought that her explosive/impulsive personality would contrast well with her being super nice and patient with kids and actually enjoying to be around them. 2017 Valerie could never! One cool detail about her desing is that her lighter brown locks were inspired by my hair when I was 12. It had lighter, slightly blonde locks because I used to be under the sun a lot (if I try doing this nowadays I'll turn to ashes lol)

Kenichi only started to get a personality once I reworked him like I year ago. He was very different, but things that are still the same is that he has black hair and he smokes (also knows how to use a gun). He started as a comedic relief character, but as time went by I hugged the idea of him being morally grey, yet funny, but always with a card in his sleeve, wishing nothing but the best for the world (he's literally chaotic good rn). The scar on his eye was originally present as a "future self" thing, like, he'd get it during Valerie's fan season, but I liked the idea so I made it part of him from the start of the story.

Nessa was created randomly when I was 12 because I wanted to give Valerie some drama that wasn't "her parents are dead" kind of drama, so I thought adding a surprise twin sister would be nice. Well it wasn't, and I knew that, so I killed Nessa off and she became a vangeful spirit only Valerie could see. When I decided to rework Valerie, I revisited Vanessa's concept, whose personality seemed to never be right. Having recently watched C09 gameplays and Scott Pilgrim movies (plus reading the comics) I thought mixing Jecka and Julie Powers with a character from Teen Monica's Gang (Denise) would be funny. I did this because Nessa's personality would always end up as "too shy to live" or "too superficial to be interesting", so I gave her this "she's an asshole" kind of personality, except it's just because she's harsh and likes to take care of others, so her harshness is because of her wish to see others doing well. Like she has redeemable qualities that's what I mean ldhdkdjfi

Anyway, that's it! Thank you very much for the ask, I love talking about my OC's and thought this game would be a fun way to talk about them without doing 100s of random posts fhjdhdjd

[ecargmura]

Pokemon Horizons Episode 20 Review - Kabu Time

It’s finally nice to actually see a Galarian Gym in full! What I mean is that since Ash didn’t focus much on Gyms in favor of the PWC in Journeys, Galarian Gym Leaders have been brushed off to the side aside from a few. Kabu didn’t make an appearance in the previous series so for him to have an entire episode of spotlight dedicated to him, his Gym Test, and his Gym Trainer was very nice to see! It’s finally time Galar got the respect it deserved.

In Galar, Gym Leaders are like celebrities, so it’s nice to see that sort of vibe when Kabu was in the Battle Cafe. He’s still the same passionate and wise character like he was in the game. He gave a lot of advice that hopefully will be useful for future development—especially Liko’s. I do like how he sees their potential and does his best to bring it out. He sent out his Centiskorch, who’s too OP for rookie trainers like Liko and Roy and I’m glad that he didn’t hold back. That would defeat the purpose of the wisdom he implemented onto Liko.

Liko’s major flaw as a character is that she’s kind and considerate. While those are good traits, they are also weaknesses in a way. Holding back will only let opportunities slip away; I’ve held back many things in the past out of consideration for others, but I then realized as I got older about all the missed opportunities I could’ve had if I wasn’t so caring towards others. Being too considerate for Wakaba caused her to be upset and for Sprigatito to get annoyed. Consideration is a double-edged sword in a way. While it’s nice to have, it can hurt others. I’m glad that Liko learned how it could hurt others and how selfish it can be from a different perspective. This can open up a path of development for Liko as she has to learn that being too nice on a battlefield isn’t always right and showing compassion isn’t always a good thing. I’m also glad that she actually contemplated on her actions and Kabu’s words at the end of the episode; like her, it makes me wonder what sort of Trainer she will become.

Roy is his usual self in this episode. However, I do notice that he was shown as Liko’s opposite int his episode. While he is kind, he’s not holding back on Fuecoco. While Fuecoco is down, Roy’s doing all he can to encourage and support his crocodile and, in turn, that’s what caused Fuecoco to learn Flamethrower. However, I do wish that Roy gets an opponent on his level soon and not get jobbed by stronger opponents. He’s essentially bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but Wakaba is the first instance of a Gym Trainer in a Galar-focused episode. While she’s a Gym Trainer apprentice, it’s nice to see the system of Gym Trainers be implemented in the anime. When was the last time we had Gym Trainers mentioned in a past series? Wakaba is a girl who admires Kabu and wants to be a Gym Trainer out of admiration. I do feel bad for her because she’s essentially fodder in this episode. She’s fodder for Liko to be nice to. She was fodder in the first part of the double battle as she was just sitting there and not helping out; though, I get why she just stood there because she’s still inexperienced in a way. It was super nice seeing Rolycoly spinning around like a top and I wish there was more action.

I do want to see Liko and Roy grow after this battle. I’m sure they will accumulate everything they have acquired throughout this journey to become the best versions of themselves in the future. I’m sure that we won’t recognize the flawed children they once were a few years from now. Next time, they're heading to the Galar Mines to find Rayquaza after hearing Kabu's anecdote. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[adamwatchesmovies]

Black Adam (2022)

Pitched as a different breed of superhero film, Black Adam fails to reach its full potential. We're not getting a sequel but if one did come one, there's enough here that works for me to say "I'd see it". Maybe it’s my history with the comics combined with the source material shining through but I had fun.

In Kahndaq, archeologist Adrianna Tomaz (Sarah Shahi) is searching for the Crown of Sabbac. If this ancient artifact falls into the hands of Intergang - an international criminal organization with a foothold in the country -, there's no telling how much damage it will cause. Ambushed by Intergang, Adrianna and her brother (Mohammed Amer) awaken the super-powered Teth-Adam (Dwayne Johnson) from his 5,000-year slumber. His arrival summon the Justice Society - Hawkman (Aldis Hodge), Doctor Fate (Pierce Brosnan), Cyclone (Quintessa Swindell) and Atom Smasher (Noah Centineo). In theory, they'd be on the same side, but Black Adam takes things too far.

The biggest difference between Teth-Adam/Black Adam and the other mortal given powers by the wizard Shazam (see 2019’s Shazam!, who curiously isn't even mentioned) is that this antihero is a jaded former slave who doesn't hesitate to kill. When we meet Black Adam, he sends enough lightning through a man to reduce him to a screaming pile of bone and ash. He hits so hard limbs come off. Oddly, you still never feel that the Justice Society is truly justified in their “going in guns blazing" approach. While in-universe these mercenaries had lives and families of their own, to us they’re just faceless goons. Black Adam kills them but they were about to execute Adrianna. It's not like he demonstrates a harsh idea of justice that has him cutting off a thief's hands or executing corrupt politicians, for example. He's "bad" because he kills people but we still remember Man of Steel and that time Superman snapped General Zod’s neck. Meanwhile, the super-powered squabble is tearing up streets and demolishing historical statues. For that destruction to feel worth it, this movie needed to push the “antihero” idea much further.

The film is also hampered by certain decisions at the story level that I strongly suspect were mandated by Dwayne Johnson or his agent (famously, the characters he plays are never allowed to lose a fight). Then, there are some odd choices toward the front end of the story. They end up paying off satisfyingly, thankfully. Also on the positive side are several surprising twists. I can't list them because they would give too much away.   One of the best things about Black Adam is the way it translates characters from paper to the screen. If I told you that Cyclone’s power was to manipulate wind, you’d think we’re about to have some flashbacks to The Last Airbender and its uninspired combat but when she moves, director Jaume Collet-Serra takes the colours from her costume and makes them swirl around the screen in a surprisingly beautiful display. Hawkman is a character that could easily seem ridiculous. Here, he’s awesome. As the other junior member of the Justice Society, Atom Smasher is so-so at best. Like Cyclone, he doesn't have much to do. This leaves us with Dr. Fate. All of the actors in Black Adam are well-cast. Years before they announced this movie, every comic book fan knew they had to get Dwayne Johnson to play him. It's saying something that Pierce Brosnan steals the movie away from Johnson - and not only because his character’s powers look super cool.

I wish Black Adam was a better movie. There's so much more it could have done. With the idea of an anti-hero protagonist, with its characters (I guess I should mention Bodhi Sabongui, who plays Adrianna’s teenage son because he doesn't do much but is important in theory) and/or with its superhero vs. superhero story. The universe this film belongs to is over so none of it will pay off and that wouldn't have been so bad if as a stand-alone, Black Adam was great. Instead, it's ok. If you want to see what might've been, check it out. There's a mid-credit scene that will blow the minds of all those Snyderverse superfans. (Theatrical version on the big screen, December 17, 2022)

[kassiekole22]

Until Dawn: Thoughts And Theories

So, since so many of you wanted to know my thoughts of the game, I decided to put this post together with how I did and all of my thoughts. I wanted to get this done right after I finished the game but I haven't been feeling too well lately and wanted to make sure I got all my thoughts down. I know it's been a month since I finished the game but I just couldn't finish this until now. 😂 And I'm sure I still missed a few things but it is what it is. I'll just post them afterwards. 🤷‍♀️

I saved 6 out of 8 characters. Jessica got her jaw ripped off when I chose to run as Matt and Sam got impaled by Hannah during the very last "Don't Move" sequence. (Why does she look happy about it though??? 🤔🤨)

I mean, she's literally like:

19/20 Clues found for the twins.

25/27 Clues found for 1952.

22/30 Clues found for mystery man. (Probably because Sam got caught by the psycho and I didn't get to find the room full of Josh's stuff. 🙄🤦‍♀️)

26/30 Totems found.

If I was to rate the characters from my most favorite to least favorite, it would have to go:

Josh (Surprise, surprise! 😂)

Sam

Chris

Mike

Ashley

Jessica

Matt

Emily

I don't know, guys. I understand why Emily could be a bitch at times. I really do. But fuck, she still gets on my nerves! 😂 I will admit though, she was smart. And I did feel bad for her when she got bit by the Wendigo and Mike pointed the gun at her and she crawled up onto the table and curled up in a ball because she was so scared. She got my mercy with that one. I'm an asshole sometimes but I'm not that much of an asshole. 😂 But she was also cheating on Matt with Mike which made me lose any bit of growing respect that I had for her. Which means that there was a possibility that Mike was also cheating on Jessica. And if that's the case, WHAT THE FUCK WAS MIKE THINKING?! CHEATING ON JESSICA WITH EMILY?! WAS HE BLIND?! Speaking of Jess and Matt, I wish we got more of them. I get why they did this, but they just disappeared for several chapters until the very end and when they did return, it was so short. I feel like we didn't get a chance to really get to know Matt too. I didn't expect to like Jess as much as I did but I did grow massive respect for her after seeing what she went through. Hell, I didn't even expect to like Mike as much as I did and here we are!

Ok, speaking of Mike. Who else spent half an hour making Mike pet Wolfie? 😂 Like, I'm sorry Jason and Salim but Mike and Wolfie are the best duo, hands down! But anyway, I needed more of them in the game. 😅 MIKE AND WOLFIE DLC, PLEASE!!!

The acting was phenomenal. The reactions were on point. (Other than Beth going "Where. Is. My. Sister. Going?" at the start. 😂) But the part where Emily found the skeletons or when Mike and Sam found the hanging dead body, their reactions were perfect. (Even though they mention "all the bodies" even if it's the stranger hanging there. I think they only recorded dialog for if any playable characters died and were hanging there as well.) In most games, when characters find dead bodies, they barely react. (Like Rachel in the blood pit in House Of Ashes.) So, this was nice to see and only added to the fear I felt while playing. I knew that Rami Malek was a brilliant actor but I had no idea jut how phenomenal he was until playing this game. Watching Josh have his mental breakdown literally brought me to tears and I could feel the fear he felt just by the shaken sound of his voice. (I'll never get the sound of his voice while saying, "I don't take orders from you. You can't tell me what to do anymore." Or when he was screaming as Hannah carried him away, out of my head. 🥺)

Speaking of Hannah. I found it really stupid of the other characters to be surprised by Hannah's reaction when she found out it was a prank. They knew Hannah well and knew she had a HUGE crush on Mike. And Hanaah seemed like the shy and insecure type of girl so taking off your shirt infront of the guy you liked was probably nerve wrecking as fuck enough. (Even though he was Emily's boyfriend, so Hannah was in the wrong for doing that. Actuall, fuck that! Emily cheated on Matt! You go, Hannah! ✊🏻😤) But realizing all your friends are in the room, laughing at you and RECORDING IT?! That would have been horrifying! How were they so stupid to think that it wouldn't upset her?! I do wonder if Hannah held a grudge against Sam regarding the whole prank situation. Because Sam ran in after the prank had been pulled and said "It was just a stupid prank." Hannah probably thought that Sam knew about the prank and didn't do anything to stop them, even though she did try to do something before it happened. And Sam didn't go after her when she ran off, which probably added fuel to that fire. Which would make sense as to why Josh involved Sam in the pranks as well, because from what he seen, she didn't really do anything to stop it.

Honestly, Josh's prank was fucked up, yes. I mean, kidnapping your friends, putting them in fucked up Saw-like traps, recording your friend naked in the bath, etc. It was a bit much, I'll agree to that. But it wasn't the most fucked up prank I've seen. I've seen people do WAY worse to their friends. 😅 I was more impressed that he pulled it off so well by himself. I've seen people say they are confused as to why he went so hard on Sam and Chris when they weren't in on Hannah's prank but I have a theory. Chris was considered the "hero" in Josh's little horror movie. He was "the guy who gets the girl". He said himself that Chris and Ashley needed something traumatic to happen to push themselves into each other's arms. That's why he waited to reveal himself until they confessed their feelings for each other. As for Sam, if he was actually hold a grudge against her for what happened to Hannah and Beth, I don't think he expected her to be the fighter she was. He might have been caught off gaurd with the chase because he planned on capturing her and locking her up so she wouldn't interfere with the other traps and such. But when he fails and she gets away, you can tell he's frustrated as hell about it because it didn't go to plan. That, or she was the "final girl" in his story. He wanted to see how well she fought against him. There was also another theory on Wattpad that's a part of a really good theory collection book (I'll link it at the end of this.) That Josh did what he did to Sam to make her stronger. At the start, she seemed more kind and a "by the book" type of girl, so to speak. But by the end she seemed stronger and willing to do whatever she needed to do to save herself and her friends. Like when Josh starts chasing her, she runs in fear, maybe throws a vase first but then runs. But when she was dealing with the Wendigos in the lodge at the end, she literally yells at Hannah to save Mike. She doesn't run away but she stays behind to help Mike put an end to things. Maybe Josh seen the strength in her and wanted to bring it out? He seen what she was hiding behind her "good behavior" and wanted her to come out of it strong and brave. He wanted her to be herself. He said that he showed them parts of themselves that they were too afraid to visit, and maybe that's what he meant? She was too worried about being morally strict to be the strong woman she was, so he forced that part of her open. I think his motives with Chris and Sam was to make them better people, not to actually fuck them up or anything.

Did you guys also notice that he only shows his "death" to Chris, Sam and Ashley? I don't know if he is really close to Ashley but he was with Chris and Sam so maybe he wanted to see how they reacted to his death? To see if they were all really as close as he thought? Even then, I don't think he and Sam were as close as Sam thought since she didn't know so much about him that went down with his mental health and suicide attempt and such. I think he let her into a small part of his world and she thought it was bigger than what it was. Which would explain why she was so heartbroken by him in the end.

So, I watched the best ending and noticed something about Sam. One line in her interview stood out more than the others. The officer asked if she needed to talk to somebody about it and she yelled "I'm fine!" When you find Josh's phone as Sam, you see messages between him and Dr. Hill and he also texted "I'm fine!" Could this be repeating a cycle? Josh went mad from the grief of losing his sisters and pushed everyone away and Sam goes mad from losing her close friend/possibly best friend and pushes everyone away as well? I hope not, but it seemed like that.

On the other hand, when Mike tells Sam that Josh got dragged away by Hannah in the mines, she literally does a, "Yes, very sad… Anyway!" and starts fucking with the light switch. You were so close to the guy and yet you barely gave a fuck when you found out that he possibly died?! What?! 😂

My top ships were Ashley and Chris (Is it even a ship if they are canonically together? 🤔), Mike and Sam (Though I loved Mike and Jess together, Sam and Mike just seemed like a better match to me. They both loved animals and they were both badass as fuck, so-), Jess and Matt (They were two of the youngest of the group and so cute together towards the end.), and Me and Josh… Ehem… 👀

Speaking of Sam and Mike, actually, this part sealed the deal for me. The fact that he jumps up and runs to grab her arm when the Wendigo spirit goes after her and then continues to hold her after is just too damn sweet. 🥺💖 (Don't mind Mark cheering in the corner. 😂)

Anyway, the game was a 9 out of 10 for me. (I'm knocking off a point because we can't save Josh. 😑)

But yeah, this game was amazing and it will definitely stay with me for a very long time. I get the hype now. I really do. 😅 Now I just wonder what happened afterwards? Did the cops believe them or were they found guilty for murdering Josh? Did the events bring them closer or push them farther away like the first trauma had done a year ago? Oh, well. We'll never know what really happened afterwards. We can only guess. But one thing I do know for sure from all of this: Josh would have made one hell of a film producer. ❤

(Also, if you want to hear some other really good theories and thoughts on the game, check out this theory book on Wattpad by BiscuitBites. They are all pretty interesting ideas.)

[lifesver]

also… i think abt dusk / nosy leland… i think about how it was like… change, metamorphosis into a monster, in order to survive. it was ‘no one knows you’re alive but us, no one cares about you but us’. it was the steady crushing of the hope in his chest every time he was made to listen to the radio broadcasts, which never mention him. reminding him no one was looking. it was hopelessness and sort of wishing you were dead and not being allowed to die. of fighting and clawing and getting nowhere, just back down in the dirt, choking on your own blood. of trying to hold up your morals like it even mattered anymore. when the only other choice was to adapt, and extract pieces of yourself over time. but? it was also accepting the anger he had, and the bitterness and the capability for violence in his heart. and the freedom that finally came with letting that anger loose. the heartbreak and the pain and the regret and everything he’s been pressing down deep within himself to stay afloat. just the 'something grotesque about having my own evils save my life' etc

when he’s younger in those verses, he’s like a raging housefire, and as he gets older, close to forty, he’s more of a simmer under the surface, the remnant of the smoke and ash. he’s calm in a bad way, he’s aware of all his mistakes. in some trajectories, he finds love and acceptance within the family, timelines where things turn out kinder for him. and in others, he still exists on the outside, obedient and quiet, sharpened to a point, with all his anger that can be aimed like a gun, at whoever they choose. either way, there’s a small part of him somewhere that knows he’ll never quite be one of them, but there’s nowhere else he can go, and no one that would take him after the awful things he’s done. not just for survival, but because it felt good. it felt like something. it gave him a sense of control in a situation of learned helplessness.