#ash I cannot remember if your break has started yet

[emry-stars-art]

CLOSED! because I’m a tired bb today 😅

I was tagged by @bigblackbutterfly and @leedee013 (a while ago and at various times 😅) in a fun little wip game, so I’m gonna give it a shot this week! Thank you both!

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

(Except you guys already know all my wips and they remain just as obviously named so. We’ll see what happens)

ANYWAY. yeah mine are, of course:

Royal au (nano project): [1] [2] [3]

Mer au (specifically jellyNeil atm but you can ask for another if you like): [bubble rings] [1] [2] [3]

West facing (ocs): [intro] [1] [2]

(I don’t know who to tag because all my writer friends already have this or other ww games they do regularly so I’ll just tag people who you should go see what they’re up to this fine Wednesday: @halfpintpeach @ittyybittybaker @thornilee013 (right back at u) and others that I’m sure I’ll think of when I’m not still half distracted and half asleep. If we hang out and you want to say I tagged you are not only welcome but encouraged to 😘)

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Restless - Tolya Yul Bataar

Summary: Tolya comforting you after a nightmare.

Content Warnings: Nightmares. Canon Compliant Violence And Threat. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Hello to my regulars, I see you, I appreciate you, I cherish you, now I give you feelings, enjoy.

Nightmares. You'd been plagued with them for longer than you'd like to remember. But lately they were getting worse. Nightmares becomes sleep terrors, and you kept waking unable to breathe, unable to move, your heart getting stuck in your throat as you tried to remind yourself what was real.

But memories bleed into fear and each nightmare becomes more and more real, until when you wake you cannot tell if you're still dreaming, or if you ever were dreaming.

You would think having the same heart breaking, soul retching, scene playing over and over again, as you wake soaked in your own tears, chest burning, throat raw from your choking sobs, would get repetitive, and yet each time you wake you are somehow filled with even more fear than the night before.

So you barely sleep. And that is taking it's toll on you.

So you try to stay awake, you try to keep the ocean of your fears at bay, but even the jurda coffee and the adrenaline that runs through each cell of your body when you think of all the horrors that await you while you sleep, are not enough to keep you awake forever.

So you find yourself drowning in the darkness. It's not cold like water, and it's not hot like the smoke, it's this heavy, dense, darkness that spreads through your lungs and tears your voice from you. You cannot scream, you cannot cry, you cannot even whisper. But you feel everything.

The fear makes all your senses so much stronger, you can taste the metallic substance on your tongue, and you don't have to wonder if it's your own blood, because it's never your own blood. You can feel it dripping down your skin, covering your hands, soaking into your clothes and making them damp as they stick to you. Someone else's blood attempting to fuse your skin to your armour as if that might protect you from everything else. The screaming, the cries, the calls for help that you're unable to respond to. Everything you've ever loved is ash around you. Glimpses of light in the darkness going out as soon as you set your eyes on them.

Everyone you've ever loved is gone, and you're choking on your own survival.

You wake up and you are choking, the air in your throat feels like stone as you break out in tears, unable to keep the sobbing down, your whole body is shaking and you writhe with the pain of it. You feel like you could die from the pain of it. You find yourself hitting the floor as you struggle to find purchase, to find a way to ground yourself.

You gasp for air and the sounds you make are harrowing as you try to keep quiet, try to not cause noise in the emptiness of the night. But as your tear blurred eyes start to adjust to the low light you notice someone approaching you, slowly, scared to startle you. Tolya approaching you like a startled deer would make you laugh if you had it in you to do so, instead you try to bury the convulsive rasps of your breathing.

"Breathe," Tolya says slowly, moving to the floor beside you, he reaches out, hesitant, waiting for you to tell him it's okay. You nod the best you can between the shakes and he takes your hands into his, guiding your breathing, slowing your heart back down.

"Did I wake you?" you manage to ask between strained breaths.

"No," he says gently, "I noticed you hadn't been sleeping, so I thought I would stay up a little while."

''You waited up for me?" You ask, blinking away the tears as they stream down your face. He reaches out another hand, and pauses, that hesitation to touch you, and you're not sure if it's because of the state he has found you in, or for some other reason all together. You nod, letting him know it's okay, that you're grateful, that you would be lost without his help. He places his hand on your chest above your heart, focusing closely as he tries to calm you down at a slow pace, not to take your feelings from you, but to give you the space to breathe and process without suffocating in your sadness.

"You have bad dreams often?" he asks. You focus on the sound of his voice, and close your eyes, listening to the rise and fall of his breathing, trying to immolate it.

"Every night," you tell him honestly.

"Are they always this bad?" he asks. You give a small nod.

"They've been getting worse," you whisper, tone muted against the burden of your own breathing. "They are always worse when I am alone."

"We are not made to be solitary creatures," Tolya muses, guiding your heart that small amount more, keeping the rhythm steady as it attempts to spike back up. "Though maybe I am biased."

"As a twin?" you ask. "I guess it's easy to believe in kebben when you're one of a pair."

"I just think we suffer more alone," Tolya says, taking his hand back from your heart and placing it back over your hands, that still shake gently against his.

"Given this display, I am inclined to agree with you."

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

"I couldn't want nothing less."

"Then I will not ask you too," Tolya says, but he does not move away, he leans against the wall. You wonder how strange it may seem, to anyone who would happen upon them, the two of you, in the quiet, sat on the wooden floorboards in the low candle light.

"Will you stay?" you find yourself asking before you give your mind time to vet the question. He nods.

"If you want me to," he says.

''Protect me from the monsters, won't you?" you say, trying to not less the embarrassment of your dishevelled display of fear get to you. This was Tolya, you knew he wasn't judging you. You know he is here because he cares.

"Till the end of days," he says. You lean against his shoulder, finally finding that purchase you'd been searching for in the strength of his arms.

"Thank you," you whisper, the exhaustion of it all hitting you.

"You really do not have to thank me for this," he tells you, resting his head atop your own. "I would never leave you to fight demons alone."

[theofficersacademy]

                                        Ashe   Artur   Roy   Caeda   Azura                                                                          Andrei   Eir   Elice   Python   Leif                                                                              Patty   Est   Byleth (F)   Corrin (F)

TEAM TAG: #KEguard2023 VILLAGE HEALTH: 55% PUBLIC OPINION: RESPECTED [68/100]

WEEK 2 LOG

HP lost during village defense: -39%

Food Needs Met: YES

Foraging Yield: 5x herbs, 8x ?

Remaining Perishables: 6lbs meat Other: 2x jerky

Timber: 50 bundles

Dream Crystals: 4 red, 8 yellow, 12 green, 26 white

The villagers are grateful for your aid in defending the village, even if the damage it has sustained so far is on par with a disaster. They recognize, too, that they cannot fully convince you to adopt their ways, and see you now as what you really are: visitors. However, Perth still wishes to use Caeda as your group’s spokesperson.

Even though you harvest more than enough food to feed the village, you notice something strange: the villagers do not eat. You don’t know whether this is because they don’t want to or because they don’t need to, but at least now you know you only need to feed yourselves. You will need 10lbs of meat or 20 lbs of vegetables this week.

Old bones now encircle the village walls, deposited there after the shadows disappeared with the morning sun. You wonder where they came from, who they belonged to, and if the nearby forest had grown up over an ancient graveyard. The villagers don’t have much information for you.  Now, you’re no anthropologist, but not all of them look exactly human to you either... but you suppose any skeleton is going to be uncanny to see. There’s an old sheet of paper rolled up in one of their hands: “You and ▊▊▊▊ are strong, but think of the others! ▊▊▊▊, ▊▊▊▊, ▊▊▊▊, ▊▊▊▊, they have found peace here that they hadn’t known since the destruction of ▊▊▊▊. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? I can’t bear the thought of tearing them from the sole scrap of joy and happiness that they’ve had in months. What chaos awaits us ▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊? I won’t subject them to that pain again. Our lives are happy here. Can’t you see?”

Those of you who sought to explore the forest beyond the village walls last week found yourselves continuously returning to the place that you had started. Are you really that bad at navigating? Maybe you can try again this week.

The animals are absent from the forest this week. Try as you might, you can’t detect any sign of them at all.

You notice that some of your companions have suddenly started bleeding. As you didn’t dedicate time last week to patrolling, you don’t know how or why, and you wonder if maybe the miasmic slimes had gotten into the houses while you were defending the rest of the village. One of the villagers, a medic, says that she had witnessed at least one of them - Edelgard - convulsing right before she began to bleed from an invisible wound. Forsyth, Deirdre, and Kent all bear similar injuries. They are, fortunately, still alive though.

Lonán has developed some new things he thinks might be useful to you if the monsters return. Made of sleek metal and glowing parts, the prototypes he shows you are unlike any sort of technology you’ve ever seen.

NPCs of Note

Perth - The man has voiced his approval of your team’s efforts in defending the village. Due to their vow of pacifism, the others in the village have not had much experience with fighting or, if they had, they’ve long grown rusty. Perth recognizes that this may have been worse had you all not arrived with weapons, yet seems to imply that you’re the reason the nightmares attacked in the first place.

Tieve - Taking a break from herding her children to and fro, the village gossip decides to regale you with a story from her old life. She shows you a little silver band embedded with an onyx, which she wears around her neck. Though she harbors few good memories near the later part of her stay with the Alliance noble with which she had had her affair, she holds on to this ring to remember how giddy and young they both had been at the start. Had it not been for politics, she might have still been with him, and you can tell by the way that she touches the ring that she is glad to have experienced his love.

Balfor - You often find him talking to his birds when he’s alone. Aislinn and Enyd in particular even seem to carry on conversations with him. 

Lonán - You don’t know where he’s getting the materials to make the things he does, but you suppose it has something to do with the mysterious dream crystals. If he’s not tinkering with something, he has his nose in a book, but he’s always eager for some company.

Mairenn - The young woman who gifted you the dog collar last week. She’s quiet and keeps to herself, but others in the village assure that it’s just because she’s one of the newer additions. She’s yet to fully settle in.

Tasks [Resource Key] *bolded = new

Hunt? in the forest outside of the village [Max 3 muses per thread] - Animals seem to be scarce this week. Not even those of you with hunting experience can pick up tracks. - At 10 posts, ping Mod Ree

Forage in the forest outside of the village [Max 4 muses per thread] - Receive 1 basket of resource (berries, nuts, mushrooms, herbs, flowers) per post [Can now choose which type] - Villagers will inform you of poisonous plants 75% of the time - Can now talk to Tieve during this task

Harvest the fields [Max 2 muses per thread] - Grants 2lbs of vegetables for every 1 post

Investigate and bury the corpses [Max 2 muses per thread] - Ping Mod Ree every 5 posts

Assist with chopping wood [Max 2 muses per thread] - Gains 1 bundle of timber per post - Axe rank grants multiplier for thread [C or higher = 2x yield] - Can now talk to Lonán during this task

Wall/Gate Repairs [Max 4 muses per thread] - Trades 1 bundle of timber per post - Restores village health - Can now talk to Balfor during this task

Dry herbs [Max 2 muses per thread] - Trades 1 basket of herbs for 1 medicine per post - Faith rank grants higher potency to concoctions. D = 1HP, C = 2HP, B = 3HP, A = 4HP, S = 5HP. - Can now talk to Mairenn during this task

Prepare meat [Max 2 muses per thread] - Trades 1 lb of meat for 1 lb of jerky per post - Every post subtracts 1 point from public opinion

Patrol your companions’ quarters [Max 4 muses per thread] - Restore 1HP to houses per post - Can now talk to Perth during this task

Explore outside of the village [Max 3 muses per thread] - You just keep going in circles - It’s foggy this week, so it’s difficult to see into the distance even if you go by giant bird

[ba-katsuki]

Can You Keep a Secret?

Can You Keep a Secret?

Collaboration with @httptamaki​

Bakugou x Female!Reader

Synopsis: Bakugou and you have been dating each other for months now, unknown to your friends and classmates. Both of you were new to this whole relationship thing and decided to keep things lowkey at the start. However, as time goes on, the teasing intensifies and with Bakugou's competitive nature, it soon turned into a game. Who can keep a secret, and who is going to expose it all?

a/n – I wrote this in one seating at 3 in the morning so if some parts don't make much sense, I am terribly sorry.

Warnings: 18+ (minors DO NOT interact, NSFW), slight footjob, dirty talk, minor degradation, slight choking, sloppy blowjob, swallowing/cum eating, risky public sex, creampie, unprotected sex

*while the story takes place in school still, i wrote it with 18+ year old/final year Bakugou in mind!!!

~~~~

With shaking hands, you shove the spoon of rice into your mouth and chewed, praying that the people surrounding you, your close friends and classmates, did not catch the look of ecstasy that momentarily passed your face. The handsome ash-blonde opposite you flash you a cocky grin with a mischievous glint in his eye, as he pressed his sock-clad foot deeper between your thighs. His big toe rubbed harsh circles on your sensitive clit, your arousal staining your panties and his socks. Bakugou jerked his leg under the table, pretending to be shifting in his seat, his big toe pushing into your entrance suddenly. You let out a surprised squeak as your toe curl. Suddenly aware of the curious eyes on you, you let out a series of coughs and pat aggressively at your chest, pretending to have accidentally choked on your food.

"I think… the rice… went down the…wrong hole…" you said between coughs as you reach for your iced drink, hoping your friends bought the act and that the coldness of the drink was cool down the heat in your face.

"jeez y/n slow down! There's still 15 minutes of lunch left to go," Mina laughs at you as she reaches over to pat your back.

"thank god." You muttered under your breath as you took another gulp of your drink. You sent a glare towards your annoying boyfriend opposite you, whose foot is still on your clothed pussy, by the way, shamelessly rubbing against you. He returns your glare with a smug look, leaning back into the seat and resting his right arm on the chair, which just annoys you even further. You couldn't remember that last time you had a peaceful lunch with Bakugou around these past few weeks. He was always teasing you under the table, whether with his hands or his leg. You had been able to hold in it with relatively minimal problem the previous times but for some reason, he was especially aggressive and pushy today. Literally.

You and Bakugou have been dating for a couple of months now, which honestly comes as a surprise to you. If someone had told you that you and Bakugou would become a couple when you first started thirsting and crushing on him, you have laughed in their face. I mean, just look at him. He was so utterly committed to becoming the number 1 pro hero that you didn't think he would indulge himself in something so trivial like a relationship. And he didn't help that he was calling you a dumbass or an extra or some other mean names every five seconds. So you settled for a one-sided crush. It was going well, quietly crushing on him from the sidelines, until one heated argument. You knew Bakugou was a massive tsundere, always saying brash and demeaning things even if he doesn't mean it, but that day you were just out of it. You were falling behind the class, training went terrible for you and you were exhausted and so beaten. Bakugou saw you training alone in the woods and decides to approach you with his loud mouth. You snapped and Bakugou, not backing down from the argument, argued back. Amid the argument, an argument which you honestly can't even remember that well down because of what happened next, you blurted out your feelings for him. It took him aback and you were expecting him to ridicule you or reject you harshly, something you cannot handle then and so you walked away. What you didn't expect was for Bakugou to grab you and smashed his lips onto yours.

That marked the very dramatic and surprising start of your relationship. Both you and Bakugou were very new to this whole dating thing and with Bakugou's pride, you guys decided to keep things lowkey and not let other people know about the relationship. Bakugou would "rather die than have raccoon eyes and dunce face be all up in his face", you quote.

From secret hand-holding between classes and the late-night cuddling sessions at either one of your rooms, the whole lowkey relationship was going amazing. Both of you enjoyed the adrenaline that came with keeping your relationship a secret and sneaking moments of affection and intimacy in front of your friends. Your relationship progressed fast and soon, both of you had passed all imaginary bases. You were so happy in the relationship, even with all the hiding and secrecy. But then…Bakugou decides to take it a step further. Hand holding between classes became ass grabbing. He would slip his hand under your skirt whenever the opportunity arises and grab smack your plump ass or grab that. He would corner you in the locker room and make out with you, grinding his bulge against you or tease your pussy during lunch. He was obviously winding you up, challenging you, trying to see if you will be the one to expose the relationship. Being less competitive, you did not immediately take on his challenge and even after you did, you seldom retaliate.

But, today is a different story.

You've had enough of his teasing and you pushed his leg away with your hands. He raised an eyebrow at you as he set his foot back onto his shoe. He brings his drink up to his lips as he takes a sip, his eyes watching you from behind the cup like a hawk, his mind plotting your punishment. You pulled your chair towards the table and slipped the shoe off your right foot. Leaning forward like he did, you reach your right leg forward towards Bakugou and pressed the length of your foot against his crotch. His eyes widen, obviously not expecting you to return the teasing, and he almost spits his drink out. Oh, how you would love to see him actually spit out his drink all flustered, losing his composure in front of the squad but he held himself back with his insane reflexes. He was already semi-hard from teasing you. You curled your toes around the shape of his dick and dragged your foot down his length slowly, feeling his dick harden against your toes and the way he lids closed slightly. You pressed your foot harder into him as you reach the base of his length, where his balls are probably full of lust and cum. You rubbed circles with your big toes against his balls, where you knew he was extremely sensitive especially when he is hard and turned on, and you watch as he breathed in sharply through his nose, letting out a soft hiss that was easy to miss if you weren't paying attention. You dragged your feet up his length again, this time much faster, and then back down. You've never given him a footjob before but damn, this is hot, and you pressed your thighs together, trying to create some friction.

You almost, ALMOST, forgot about your surroundings until you heard the bell ring and your friends around you move. You drop your feet almost immediately and sat up, alarmed. You glance in the direction of your friends. Kirishima and Denki were still engaged in conversation as they got up from their seats with their trays in hand and Sero was laughing at something Mina said. You let out a breath of relief.

"Are you okay, y/n?" Mina questions when she saw that you were still frozen in your seat. "Lunch break is over and we better leave. Don't wanna be late for sparring class next," she shudders as she remembers the glare Aizawa sensei gave her the last time she was late.

"oh..right…sorry I was uhm…" you stuttered as you pushed your chair out and grab your tray. Bakugou had already walked away, a little funny you noticed, probably due to the huge boner he has in his pants. You would have laughed but the adrenaline you felt was numbing you.

"Are you fantasizing about some anime boy again, y/n?" Mina laughs as she jokingly slaps your back. "How are you gonna find a real-life boyfriend like that?"

You laughed. The truth cannot be further away. If only she knew what was going on under the table between you and Bakugou, your boyfriend.

As you walk to the locker rooms with the Bakusquad, engaging in light conversations with Mina, you refuse you even glance in the direction of Bakugou. You could feel his intense glare at the side of your head and the tension emitting from him. He excused himself to the bathroom halfway through and you felt your shoulders dropped unconsciously. The sexual tension between you two was insane and it's a wonder how the squad haven't sensed anything yet. Not having your boyfriend staring intensely at you was a relief but at the same time, just the thought of him jerking himself off in the bathroom makes your core clench.

~~~~

You praised the lord as you packed up your hero costume in the locker room, changing into a normal t-shirt and comfortable shorts. Sparring class went on smoothly and you were not paired with Bakugou a single time. You don't know how you would have handled sparring with him after that whole lunch situation. You grabbed your towel and walked out of the quiet locker room. The girls had already left, and so had the boys. You decided to stay behind to do some additional solo quirk training in the gym and you were extremely thankful that Bakugou had been dragged away by Kirishima for some sparring. Bakugou reappeared in class in his hero costume, a tad later than the rest of class, but still on time nonetheless. The moment he walked in, his eyes latched onto you. You were in a conversation with Kirishima and Denki, and Bakugou did not seem happy about that as his eyebrows lowered and tensed up, his lips curled inward into a scowl. Bakugou was fine with you hanging out with them, they were as much your friends as they are his (even if he always tries to deny it), but he did have a possessive streak in him. Especially when he has been all riled up like that. You thought he was going to burn holes into your head with his intense stare but thankfully, Midoriya approached him and he proceeded to yell his head off at him.

Gosh, you are going to be in so much trouble tonight. This is why you rarely retaliate. Bakugou is an immense sore loser and extremely competitive, and he would always return the favour in double fold.

The gym lights were already dimmed by the time you walked out of the locker room. You ponder about ways to appease Bakugou later tonight, hoping he will not torture and tease you too much. Your thoughts were cut short when a hand reached out and grabbed your wrist, spinning you around and pinning you to the cold and hard gym wall. Your items clatter to the ground, the noise echoing in the vast empty gym. A large muscular thigh parted your legs and pressed up against your core as another hand grabbed hold of your throat and squeezed.

"Aren't you getting bold, babygirl?" he growls, his warm breath hitting your cheeks.

"Katsuki…" you gasped as he gave your throat another squeeze.

"That was hella difficult to take care of ya know," he spat angrily as he grinds the top of his knees harshly you. You can feel the wetness growing between your thighs and your legs were turning into jelly. He pulls your head towards him and captured your bottom lip in a harsh bite. You moaned at his assault.

"You…you started it…uhhh," you moaned as he pushed his thigh up higher into you, his forehead pressed against yours, "…started it first…uhhh…'tsuki."

The corner of his lips quirks up into a threatening smirk. His hand frees your wrist and moves to grab your leg, lifting it from the ground and hooking it around it waist. His hand trails from your calf to your thigh slowly, raking his short fingernails along your skin. The hand around your throat squeezed harder, pressing you harder into the wall. You gasped for air, your eyes rolling back in pleasure and your hands fisting tightly in his black tank top.

"You were the one that didn't stop me babygirl," his lips brushing against yours as he speaks. He relaxes his hand from your throat and grabs your chin instead, pulling your head towards him as he envelops your lips in a deep kiss. His lips move passionately against yours, full of lust, as his knee continues its assault. Your leg was losing strength as you start to slide down the smooth wall. Removing his hands from your chin, he moves to lift your other leg from the ground to his waist. You hook your legs around him, pulling him closer to you with your lips moving frantically against his. He lifts your body from under your thighs, his fingers digging into your soft flesh.

"Katsuki…" you whisper between kisses.

"You feel so good baby," Bakugou murmurs, gripping the flesh of your thighs tighter.

Another moan erupts from your lips and Bakugou wastes no time in slipping his tongue into you. Your tongues swirl together, Bakugou's tongue dominating yours. He rakes his fingers down the curve of your thighs to your ass, slipping under your shorts and palming your cheeks.

"Fuck babygirl," he groans between kisses, "your ass feels so good."

"Katsuki please" you begged, pressing yourself against his huge bulge and grinding desperately. Your pussy is overflowing with arousal, soaking through your panties and shorts, and you ache for any form of friction against that sensitive bud.

"Nuh uh baby," Bakugou teases as he takes a small step back, leaving a gap between the two of you, "you don't get to cum so easily after what you did to me just now."

You whine, trying to push his lower body forwards with your legs.

Bakugou leans his torso forwards and whispered next to your ear, "You'll have to earn it baby."

He forcefully tugs your body towards his, lifting you away from the wall, and starts walking to the male locker room. His lips latch onto the sweet spot just between your earlobe, leaving a red blotchy hickey. He licks along your jawline as you tilt your head back in pleasure. Your hands snake up to the back of his head, grasping his ash blonde hair between your fingers, maneuvering his head towards your throat. He obliged, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your neck as he sets you down on the metal bench, the coldness stinging your thighs.

Bakugou unwraps himself from you and stood up straight, towering over you. You looked up at him all dazed, mouth slightly open, your lips glistening with saliva. You leaned back on the bench, your elbows supporting your weight as you instinctively spread your legs apart.

But, to your dismay, Bakugou did not move to touch you or appreciate your arousal like he normally would. All he did was palm his bulge, looking down at you with a cocky mischievous smirk plastered on his face.

"Strip for me y/n," he commands, his voice low and husky with lust.

You gulped. Shaking, your hands reach for the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head slowly. You then reach for your shorts, bending down to pull them off.

"And look at me while you do it."

You tilt your head up, your eyes meeting his vermillion ones. Heat creeps up your cheek as you drop your short on the floor. Sure, you've been intimate with Bakugou many times and he has seen you naked before. But you've never stripped for him this way, no. Much less in a public place like this.

You unhook your bra and slides it off your shoulders. Your nipples harden as the cold air touches your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. Bakugou glanced down at your pebbled nipples and shameless licked his lips. Your hand subconsciously moves to grab your breast, appreciating the warmth of your hand but it only lasted a second as Bakugou rips your hand away.

"You're not done babygirl," he sneers, "and I don't remember saying you can touch yourself."

You bite your lips to keep the whimper from escaping, knowing that will only egg him on even more. You lift your hips and slides your soaked panties down your legs and steps out of it. You sat back down on the bench as you watch Bakugou take in every inch of your exposed skin, appreciating every curve and roll on your body.

"Open up y/n. Let me see that sweet pussy."

You parted your thighs, the inner flesh glistening with your juices and your pussy clenched at the coldness.

"So wet babygirl," Bakugou hums as he licks his lips once more, "can't wait to get fucked huh?"

You nod and parted your legs even further, hoping Bakugou will take it as an invitation to, finally, touch and please you. But he didn't, again.

"Get on your knees babygirl," he commands as he tugs his sweatpants and let them fall to the ground. His cock was pressing against the tight fabric of his boxers and you could spot the delicious thick vein that ran along his shaft.

You kneeled obediently in front of him, mouth watering with anticipation at the sight of his hard cock, as you look at him through your eyelashes. He steps towards you, his cock pressed against your face. You felt wetness on your nose bridge as you inhaled the slightly musky scent of his precum.

You palmed his cock, rubbing him through his boxers. You stretch out your tongue and pressed it to the wet spot on his boxers, tasting his precum, before bringing the fabric into your mouth and sucked it.

You played with the hem of your boxers, a cheeky grin on your face, and pulled, releasing Bakugou from his boxers. His cock sprang free and hits you on your face. Gosh, he was so big. His cock was almost the length of your face, with a good girth. This man really was blessed with everything. You wrap your hands around the base of his shaft and pumped gently. You swirl your tongue around his flushed tip, lapping at the precum that continues to ooze out of him.

"Don't tease me," he groans and fists his large hands into your hair. He pushes your head forward harshly, forcing his aching cock between your lips and into your warm wet mouth. Taken aback, you lost your balance and fell forward slightly. The tip of his cock pressed into the back of your throat as you gag around him. Your hands found stability on his muscled thighs as you dug your fingernails into them. He jerks his hips forward rapidly, fucking your face as saliva dribbles down your chin and your eyes watering.

"Fuck your mouth feels so good y/n. Fuckkk…look at you taking my cock so good. You're such a slut for my cock aren't you?"

You could only hum in response with your mouth stuffed full of his throbbing cock, pounding into you at a crazy pace. His balls slap your chin with each thrust, sending saliva dripping down your neck and chest, creating a wet and sticky mess.

"Fuckkkkkk y/n I'm gonna cum soon," Bakugou moans as he proceeds to push your head further down his cock, thrusting faster into your mouth. You reach out to squeeze his balls and fondle with them, sending a deep and loud groan echoing in the room.

"FUCKKKK," he heaves as hot thick spurts of cum coats your throat and mouth. He holds your head there for a moment as he empties his load into you, before slowly pulling out his cock, making sure his tip hits your nose.

"Don't swallow yet," Bakugou warns as he leans down and grabs your chin roughly, forcing your mouth open. He admires the mess he made, the white cum pooling at the back of your mouth, your eyes red and watery and decollete area wet with saliva. With a satisfied smirk, loosen his grip on your chin, and asked you to swallow.

You gulp his cum down, making sure to look him dead in the eye as you do so, knowing it turns him on. Despite the cold air, your body was covered in sweat and your pussy was hot and throbbing excruciatingly.

"Please Katsuki please."

"What do you want, babygirl?" He pools the saliva on your decollete into his palm and wraps it around his semi-hard cock, pumping it right in front of you, knowing EXACTLY what you want.

"Fuck me Katsuki please," you beg as you press your thighs tightly together, trying to ease the throb, "I want you in my pussy Katsuki please."

"Get your ass on the bench then."

You waste no time in climbing onto the bench, leaning backwards with your elbows supporting your weight and spreading your legs apart as part as you could. The cold air against the heat of your pussy sends a chill down your spine as you let out a soft moan.

Bakugou lifts your legs off the ground from your calf and rests them on his broad shoulders. He bent his knees, positioning his now hard cock at your throbbing entrance. He teases your clit with his tip before slapping his shaft on your pussy.

"Ready for me cock baby?"

"Uh huh," you nod eagerly.

In one smooth thrust, he enters you and fills you up completely. The sudden fullness wrecks a gasp out between your lips as your head tilts back in ecstasy. You have been waiting for this moment ever since he was teased you during lunch break.

"Fuckkkkkk," Bakugou draws out as he enters you, feeling your muscles clench around him.

He gives you a moment to adjust to his size before pounding into that pussy of yours. Your elbows gave out as your back hits the cold metal bench. The metal bench creaks under all that movement as Bakugou fucks you mercilessly, letting out all the frustration he felt from earlier.

"You feel so fucking good around my cock baby," he praises as he stops and adjusts himself, causing you to whine at the sudden halt. But before you could even fully, he is thrusting in again. This time, his tip hits against your sensitive g-spot with each movement.

"Holy shit Katsuki! Fuck! Ahhh right there baby right there fuck it feels so good."

Placing his hands firm on either side of you, he pushes you into a mating press, pounding into you and pleasuring your g-spot with each thrust. You wrap your hands around his neck and brings him in for a heated kiss, moaning shamelessly into his mouth.

"Fuck Katsuki I'm gonna…"

"Hey is this y/n's bag?" a familiar voice question from outside the locker room.

Both you and Bakugou went immediately still as panic looms over you.

"I think so but what is it doing here?" Kirishima replies as their footstep echoes in the locker room.

"Don't know maybe she just forgot," Denki says, "like how I always forget my shit too."

The footsteps got closer and with his fast reflexes, Bakugou grabs you and shoves you into one of the lockers. Thankfully, he did not make that much of a sound but it was no ninja stealth either and you pray under your breath that Kirishima and Denki won't linger and potentially catch you guys in this compromising position.

"Wait," Kaminari stops in his tracks, obviously spooked by the subtle noise you guys made, "did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I swear I heard one of the locker doors close."

"Ohhh there's no one in here," Kirishima reassure with a yawn, "now hurry and found your bottle. I am so exhausted."

Their voices seem to linger at the entrance of the locker room and you let out a tiny sigh of relief. But this relief was short-lived when Bakugou slides his cock into you.

You let out a gasp and your hands flew to your mouth immediately. You turned your head and glared at Bakugou, sending him a warning through your eyes. Bakugou, being the jerk he is, of course, just gives you a cocky smirk, barely visible in the dim lighting and presses his chest along the length of your back. Grabbing your hips, he starts to thrust into you from behind, careful not to hit any of the metal walls.

The chatter between Kirishima and Kaminari continues but you can barely process what they were saying. Your mind was blank with pleasure as Bakugou reaches down with one of his hands and rubs your clit. A moan escapes from your lips and you bit down on your lips, Bakugou squeezing the plump flesh on your hips as a warning.

"Woah Kirishima please tell me you heard that?"

You didn't hear Kirishima's response as you felt a warm breath tickle your ear.

"Better keep that cute little voice of yours down or Shitty hair and Dunce Face are gonna find out what a slut you are," he whispers harshly into your ear.

You clamp down on your fingers, trying to mute your whines and moans as much as possible, as Bakugou increases his pace. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, muting his groans as your walls clench tightly around his cock. He pinches your clit and you let a squeak at the pain and pleasure.

For someone who just told you to be quiet, he is trying awfully hard to make you lose control. You covered your mouth with your hands, mortified that you let that sound out as Bakugou growls teasingly at you.

"Uhhhh…I think we better leave now Kirishima…" Kaminari stutters, "I found… uhhh… I found my bottle." "Yeah…let's uhm let's go."

To your utter relief, the boys left the locker room in a hurry and you finally let out the sounds of pleasure you have been painstakingly trying to hold back. The moment their footsteps could not be heard, Bakugou slams the locker door open and walks you out, his cock still buried deep in your cunt. Your legs could barely move and support and weight, and you fell forward onto the bench, hands gripping the metal hard.

"F-Fuck Katsuki!"

"Such a little slut huh? Can't even keep your little mouth shut in there. You wanted those extras to know how hard I'm fucking you, didn't you? You little slut fuckkkkk you are tight baby you feel so good…"

Placing his hand flat on the square of your back, he pushes you down as you both land on your knees, your torso flat against the metal bench. Your hard nipples rub against the cold metal, sending another wave of pleasure through your body as the coil in your pelvis tightens. Coupled with Bakugou's fingers rubbing your swollen clit and his thick cock practically bruising your g-spot, your climax was hitting you hard and fast.

"Fuckkkk 'tsuki I'm gonna ahh fuck…Katuski I'm gonna cummm."

"Fuck I feel it babygirl. You are clenching me so fucking hard shit," he cusses as he grips the soft flesh of your ass cheek with one hand, "gonna cum baby?"

"uh huhhh," you nod weakly, your mind blank with pleasure.

He leans forward, pressing his front along the curve of your back and pounds into you from behind.

"Fuck I'm close to baby."

"C-cum inside me Katsuki please."

"Fuck you want my cum inside you y/n? yeah? Fuckkk I'm cumming baby!"

With a few final thrust, the tension inside you releases. Your legs were shaking from stimulation, toes curling and back arching from your climax. Your pussy clenches tight around Bakugou's cock as he cums inside you, his thick cum filling up your cunt.

Slowly catching his breath, he slowly pulls his cock out of you and you feel his cum drips down your clit, overflowing.

"Fuck y/n," he draws out, "your pussy looks so good all stuffed with my cum."

He spreads your lips apart, admiring his handiwork as his cum, mixed with yours, continues to spill out of you. He dips his finger into your pussy, pushing out more cum, coating his finger in the mess created. He swipes up the trail of cum dripping down your clit with his finger and approaches you.

"Don't let it go to waste now babygirl."

Still catching your breath against the metal bench, he pushes his wet sticky finger into your mouth. You wrap your lips around him and suck eagerly, tasting the muskiness. When you are done, you release his finger with a pop and looked up at his satisfied face. He pulls you up towards him as he sits down, cradling your tired sweaty body in his.

"That felt so good babe," he compliments as he presses a tender kiss to your lips and brushing your hair out of your face, "come on let's get you cleaned up."

He carries you into the shower, washing away all the sweat and stickiness from your body and caresses you gently, making up for all that teasing and hard fucking and mean words. Gosh, he is secretly such a softie and you love him for it.

~~~~

After collecting all your stray clothing and getting dress, Bakugou and you walked back to your rooms together. His softness is gone as he makes fun of the way you are walking, obviously sore from all that fucking you did earlier. You glare at him and pouts, muttering under your breath that it was totally his fault which earned you a little chuckle.

As you entered the TV area, you found Kirishima and Kaminari sitting there, deep in conversation. Heat rushes to your cheeks, as you thought about how close the two of you were to being caught by them. You quickened your steps and walked towards your room, not even bothering to acknowledge them or say goodbye to Bakugou, but you were stopped in your tracks by the redhead's question.

"So…Bakugou and Y/n…" he runs his hands through his flattened hair, a sheepish look on his face as Kaminari elbows him to continue, "how long have the two of you been…you know…together?"

"W-what are you talking about Kirishima? Me and Bakugou are not-"

"We saw your belongings outside the boys' locker room and uhm we saw your clothes uhm on the floor and uhm you guys weren't exactly being quiet in there…"

"yeah especially after you thought we couldn't hear you no more," Kaminari adds under his breath, causing your face to heat up even more. You were sure you looked like a cartoon tomato right now.

"so…if you guys aren't dating then…?"

With a huff, Bakugou walks towards you and grabs your fidgeting hands, "Fine. Me and y/n are dating and we were totally fucking in the locker room and if you two shitty extras even think about muttering a word about this to others, I will blast you to the fucking space ya hear me?!"

He didn't even bother waiting for their replies before dragging you to his room and slamming the door shut.

Your secret is out. Not to the whole class but out nonetheless. You stood there, a little shocked from that confession with too much information, as you watch Bakugou nonchalantly strip out of his clothes and into his sleepwear.

"Katsuki!" you shriek as you slap him on his arm.

"What?!"

"I thought it was supposed to be a secret?! AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STRAIGHT UP TELL THEM WE WERE FUCKING IN THE LOCKER ROOM oh my gosh I'm gonna die of embarrassment! How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?!"

"Stop being so dramatic," he pinches your cheeks and walks to his bed, "There's no point trying to deny or hide it from them anyways. Besides, it's not like the whole class knows."

He lies down and makes himself comfortable before looking at you, a glint in his eyes and a smirk on his face, "so our game can still continue baby, don't worry."

He pats the empty spot beside him, asking you to join. You rolled your eyes. "That's not what I'm worried about," you said as you tuck yourself into him. "In fact, I would like the game to very much end here."

"Nahh not happening babygirl."

Silence fills the room as both of you starts drifting off to sleep, minds tired and muscles exhausted. You felt your eyes get heavy until a question pops into your mind,

"Katsuki?"

"Hmmm?"

"Does that make you the loser since you exposed our secret?"

[giorno-plays-piano]

Heartache

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Soldat!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, kidnapping, captivity, torture, brainwashing, delusional Bucky.

Words: 2535.

Summary: You don't need the one whose name was Bucky Barnes, a hundred years old broken man who returned back to the world that couldn't offer him anything but regrets and nightmares. You need your Soldier, the one who won't return to you even if you throw Bucky back into that iron chair and fry his brains for the thirtieth time.

P.S. I have to say it turned out darker than I expected. Attention! Bucky is free from his programming, but he does not heal as he should. 

__________________

“You look old.”

You decide to give him the pleasure of hearing your voice. It sounds dull from behind the glass when Bucky comes closer, looking at someone he recognizes too well, but you do not recognize a man he became, nothing reminding you of the one with whom you once shared your bed.

You know what the man looking at you through the glass thinks. You didn’t age a day since the last time he saw you, and while he knows why, it still surprises him to see a young woman watching him calmly as if all those years didn't pass.

“You miss your star.” You say, tilting your head to the side and narrowing your eyes at him when you see his new vibranium arm.

“It doesn't matter.” His answer is immediate, and Bucky isn't surprised to hear the raw anger in his own voice: he is no longer the Soldier you knew, and he is worried he won't find a way to interact with you. You don't seem too interested in Bucky Barnes and whoever he works for despite the fact you are hardly HYDRA's soldier yourself.

What he doesn't know is that you still stay the soldier you have been once, and nothing will ever change that regardless of whoever Bucky Barnes sends your way to cure you from HYDRA's conditioning.

"I'm glad you remember me."

You find it peculiar: a man who has been trying so hard to get rid of anything that ties him to the Winter Soldier has been looking for you for years, finally tracking you down, capturing you and bringing you here as if your pure existence didn't remind him of the worst years of his life. What did he expect to find? A comfort in someone who once had been paired with him just for the sake of research?

"Don't bother, Mr. Barnes. There's nothing there left for you."

You see he's taken aback because you have hit a nerve. Apparently, James Buchanan Barnes thought the connection between the two of you remained the same, and he could dig up the feelings that had long been buried. Stupid, you think, he's forgetting the most important part: he is not the man you formed the bond with. You don't need the one whose name was Bucky Barnes, a hundred years old broken man who returned back to the world that couldn't offer him anything but regrets and nightmares. You need your Soldier, the one who won't return to you even if you throw Bucky back into that iron chair and fry his brains for the thirtieth time.

It doesn't matter. After all those years you didn't believe in happy endings, and even if the man watching you through the glass think he is going to get one after getting out, he is clearly deluding himself.

Averting his eyes, Bucky clears his throat and changes the topic, trying to give himself a false hope he can mend things. “I will convince Shuri to treat you. She helped me break through the conditioning, and she will do the same to you."

You could raise your brow at him, but maintaining this facade is tiresome and doesn't make sense. "I see you have no idea how much my conditioning differs from yours. You can't break through it. It's embedded in me."

"I thought so, but I got rid of mine. You can do it too, I'm sure."

Although you see him trying to assure you, Bucky's getting agitated because he really has no idea what HYDRA did to you. He couldn't know it when he still was the Soldier, but now the lack of his knowledge leads you to the thought your former masters destroyed whatever info they still kept - they foresaw he would search for you.

"Your brainwashing was flimsy. I've always wondered how come you were considered HYDRA'S greatest assassin when you just needed to see your dear friend once to start getting your memories back." You snort, knowing Bucky would feel a slight hint of jealousy in your voice, but you don't care: you've never hid from him you only needed the Winter Soldier, and he was gone.

Bucky doesn't know what to say as a part of him wants to scream there was nothing flimsy about electroconvulsive therapy he went through over and over again, but he looks at you and sees how different you are from him, having no memories of your own, not knowing even your name or the place where you came from. It doesn't scare him, but the fact you had long merged with the Soldier you've become does. You don't separate yourself from her the way he did. In fact, the Soldier had completely absorbed your true persona, and Bucky doesn’t know the real you. He only knows RED, a Soldat who at one point was been created by HYDRA just like all of them were. Despite searching for the information about your past for years, he found nothing, not even the year when you became a part of the organization. Bucky doesn’t think you did it willingly judging by the fact how you reacted when he had been training you among the other Soldiers, but he can’t be sure.

You’re a ghost. None of the masters who had been giving you orders know anything about you except your specialization and things you can do. Bucky supposes there were once people who knew the truth, but all of them are probably dead since the ones he has captured were utterly useless. His only hope is Shuri who might bring whatever is left somewhere deep inside your mind to the surface, yet he isn’t sure she will take you: the more you talk, the more it becomes clear you will not ask her to do it willingly, and Shuri won’t like that. The redemption can only be granted to someone who asks and works for it.

You don’t seem the type.

“What do you want me to do?” He asks you quietly, his forehead almost touching the glass separating you two when Bucky watches you with that pathetic expression of his. “If I let you go, you will return to people you serve. If I bring you to police, you will end up in a lab in the hands of the government.”

You allow him to see your smile as you observe him, desperately hoping you will tell him you will come back to the good guys and stay with him, playing a role of his funny little girlfriend because Bucky Barnes cannot allow himself to form an adequate relationship with any woman who has not been tainted the way he was. It probably seems so tragic to him that he had to spent years trying to catch you.

Although the chair you’re bound to doesn’t let you stand and come over to him, you still lean closer to the window, wearing the same polite but welcoming smile you used to lure your targets closer to you.

“I want you back in that chair, going through the whole process of brainwashing again until you become the Soldat you’ve been. I want you standing with me and feeling as much pain as I did until your sensitivity goes down to zero, and you no longer remember those funny friends of yours. I know you won’t trade your freedom and whatever else you have after getting out, but I don’t need James Buchanan Barnes or White Wolf or whoever you have become. I am RED of HYDRA, and I have bonded with the Winter Soldier you buried, Bucky.”

When he leaves, the massive metal door getting locked ten times the least, you stare at the grey wall beside the glass. You wonder how getting the privilege of remembering his past made him so miserable, a pathetic, broken man who did not understand how lucky he had been, not only breaking free from HYDRA’s grip but gaining his true identity back. He probably pitied himself, poor little boy who had been broken by the big bad guys. He did not understand that all other soldiers who came after him, except the suicide squad made with Stark’s serum, had been turned into ashes. There was nothing left to break in them - and you either.

_______________________

Shuri wasn’t happy to hear your story just like he thought, but Bucky couldn’t lie to her, hoping she would understand. Of course, she didn’t, telling him outright it was impossible to treat somebody who didn’t want to be treated. While it was also inhuman, forcing you to do something against your will just like HYDRA has been doing all these years, it also erased the possibility to use the same methods she chose when she treated Bucky.

“You don’t understand,” she tells him, shaking her head, “it’s not that I don’t want to help, but without her cooperating it’s close to impossible. They didn’t use the same ways to program her just like they did to you.”

He isn’t satisfied with her answer even though he knows Shuri wants to help. He can’t leave it like that, leave you to your fate, return you where you belonged, and he keeps asking who or what may be able to help you until she finally tells him something about electrical stimulation of the brain that can awake memories that you have buried. Shuri immediately regrets it, seeing how Bucky’s face lights up.

“It is a very complicated process that requires an extensive medical knowledge. Worse, even if performed correctly, this technique can traumatize her even further. Please don’t do this. We don’t even know if this method will be effective.”

Bucky doesn’t promise her anything, though a part of him feels guilty he made her tell him this. He just has to do it: undoubtedly, HYDRA or whoever you work for now will force you to go through the brainwashing process again, and whatever treatment Shuri told him about can’t be worse than this. If Bucky does everything right, you might stand a chance to live like he does, away from the horrors of the war you had been a part of ever since the organization abducted you. Even if you don’t want it, clearly it is an effect of the memory suppressing machine: any sane human being wants to have a normal life, right?

It takes him months to find and steal the equipment he needs, leaving no traces - it reminds him of the days when he had been under HYDRA’s control, but he does what he has to. Learning how to use the machine is a much more complicated task, but Bucky is grateful for that serum-enhanced brain of his: he nearly swallows the information from the books in record time, reading about sending a burst of electrical energy into your cerebral cortex to stimulate your brain and finally retrieve your memories. Now he knows what Shuri meant by traumatizing, but this doesn’t stop him either. He does what he has to do.

“What is your name?” He repeats after listening to your screams for ten or maybe twenty minutes, your body going limp in the black, cold chair when you open your mouth, breathing heavily, your face stained with tears and sweat.

“Dolores.” You say immediately, knowing he will repeat the procedure if you keep silent, your heat beating wildly. “I grew up... on a small farm in Iowa... I had an older sister... and slept with a big teddy bear with a red ribbon...”

“You are lying.” He says simply, and a jolt of electricity cuts through your head, nearly electrocuting you while you scream again and again.

For some reason he always feels it when you say what he wants to hear instead of the truth. What he doesn’t understand is that the truth he wants has been told months ago: you did not remember and you were not going to remember anything from your past. It was stupid to try. There was nothing left of you, and while he thought he was resurrecting a human in you, he was simply destroying your body that was regenerating every night after the therapy.

When you receive a new jolt, shaking and screaming, tears streaming down your face until they fall down onto your already wet t-shirt, you whisper through gritted teeth, “Either I will have you as my Soldat, or I will not have you at all.”

Bucky presses the button.

__________________________

When he is finished he takes you to a bath in the room next to your cell. You almost lose the ability to move for an hour or two, giving him time to prepare you: Bucky undresses you and slowly lowers your body in the tub filled with warm water, watching that you take a comfortable position and don’t slip, effectively suffocating. Today he had almost gone too far, risking to fry your brain: you still refused to give up even after two months of therapy you have gone through, and Bucky isn’t too happy.

Pouring a strawberry-scented shampoo on his palm, Bucky starts to carefully wash your hair that grew longer in the months of captivity, watching that neither shampoo nor the foam gets in your eyes. You are nearly breathless: the serum they gave you made you less stronger than him, but your regeneration abilities are on a whole different level, and soon your body will adjust and erase the damage made.

He asks himself whether keep using the machine makes sense since he didn’t make much progress, the programming still very much in you even after all those incredibly painful sessions. What if you were right from the start? What if there was nothing to remember, and all he could do was to leave you in the state you were in before he destroyed whatever was left of you?

No, he can’t do it. Leaving you means taking away your chance to ever get back to normal life, and he can’t force himself to do that.

Never in his life Bucky Barnes will admit letting you go meant never getting his own happy ending the way he wants it.

“Why reinventing the wheel when you can make it so much easier?” All of a sudden, your hoarse voice whimpers in his ear when you look at him, tiredly moving your head up. “Do what they’ve always done. Use the programming to give me an order.”

A part of him is shocked with the revelation: he wanted to be neither the Soldier nor the one giving him commands. But the other part makes him realize how much easier it would be if he just used what has already been done to you instead of relying on an obviously ineffective method that damaged your mind and body. Of course, he has nothing in common with Karpov sending him on the assassination missions. Bucky only wants you to learn how to become human again, free you from HYDRA once and for all, give you the life you undoubtedly wanted. Even if he uses the same method the organization did until he finds a better way to undo the programming, it is still for your own good.

___________

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[multi-maker]

— lantern rite.

perhaps it was the way your eyes shone so beautifully, the orange light of the lanters making your eyes seemingly glimmer. or perhaps it was the way your lips curled into a breathtaking smile. or perhaps, it was the way your hands fit snugly into his.

what xiao knew, was that he, the guardian yaksha of liyue, one of the adeptus, was hopelessly, utterly, in love.

note. here’s a short fic about xiao as my gift for all of you for your constant support towards anemo and i~! an event is comingg up soon so please wait patiently for it hehe~!

Xiao didn’t dabble in mortal affairs that much.

Humans were troublesome, fragile, and Xiao hated it whenever he was forced to interact with them. He may be protecting them, defeating the demons that threatened to rise, clearing out monster camp after monster camp, but he loathed interacting with them.

Until you came.

Xiao could remember it clear as a day - when you first bursted into his life with whirlwinds of emotions and a tendency to go overboard. You wore a bright smile, eyes teasing yet kind as you proudly offered him almond tofu. He remembers asking you, for the first time, what was it for? What did you need, to go to the Guardian Yaksha?

Your answer left him baffled.

“Because you looked hungry,” You replied to him back then, smile unfaltering. “Adepti’s do not get hungry.” He says slowly, his mind not proccessing your words very carefully. You scoffed back then, rolling your eyes at him. You were lucky he was in a good mood or he would have thrown you off of Wangshu Inn for the blatant disrespect.

“Come on! You need food from time to time as well.” You told him, offering him the dish once again. Xiao takes one look at you - Streaked with ash from your battle and hands calloused and worn from wielding your weapon, and eyes bright from adventure - and Xiao decides, that this human was eccentric.

You kept coming back.

Even when Xiao told you to get lost becauze humans cannot stay in the presence of Adepti’s for too long. You still came back. Whether it be holding another plate of Almond Tofu or just ranting to him about how annoying Dendro Slimes were, Xiao appeared every time you called him.

It was quite wholesome - To see the Guardian Yaksha appear after you just call his name.

When Rex Lapis died, and when the Adepti were forced to meet with the Liyue Qixing, Xiao forgot about you for a while.

Until Osial attacked - and he was reminded of you.

Xiao snapped his head back to Liyue Harbor, desperately wishing that you were alive and well. Perhaps it was a foolish wish, but he hoped you weren’t reckless enough to charge at elite trained Fatui. He knew though, that you were far from cowardly. The moment you’ll see an enemy, you wouldn’t hesitate to strike them down.

Xiao could only hope you will stay alive.

——————————————————————————

Thankfully, you weren’t stupid enough to fight elite Fatui members, just as what Xiao hoped.

You were still stupid enough to stick with him, though.

(Xiao ignores how relieved he was when he saw you climbing Wangshu Inn with your usual bright grin. He ignores how your teasing laughter brought something warm bloom in his ice cold heart.)

“Are you going to the Lantern Rite Festival?” You ask him curiously when all has settled down, your colored orbs staring at him. Xiao crosses his arms. “No. I am an Adeptus and I cannot linger in the crowd of humans far too long.” He responded, amber eyes stealing a glance at you.

Your face was downcast, a frown playing on your lips. “What is the matter?” He asks you with a raised eyebrow. You huff, glancing away from him. “I was...Hoping we could see the lanterns together.” You mumble out, your cheeks puffed out. Xiao stares at you - surprise in his face. You wanted to go with him of all people?

You snap your head towards him when he let out some kind of inhumane sound. His face was turned away from yours, as he lets out a cough. “Apologies. I...choked.” He finished lamely, clearing his throat. You were about to ask him if he would like for you to fetch him water, when you see it.

His ears were red.

A grin slowly formed on your lips, and you turned to look at him. You propped your fist against your cheek, a teasing grin on your lips as your eyes twinkled with mischief. “Oh?” You smirked, eyeing him. “Is the mighty Guardian Yaksha flustered~?” You sing song, and Xiao snapped his head towards you.

Indignation painted all over his face, you couldn’t stop the amused laughter bubble out of your mouth. “Ah! Xiao, I wasn’t...I’m sorry!” You choke out a laugh, clutching your sides. You let out another burst of laughter, remembering his face.

Unbeknownst to you, Xiao lets himself stare.

You laughed so beautifully.

Your hair framed your scrunched up face, eyes crinkling and cheeks burning due to your laughter. You once commented to him that you hated your laugh, seeing it too loud or rowdy.

Xiao loved it.

Your laughter died down, resorting into small chuckles and giggles before your fingers came up to wipe away the tears that formed on your eyes. “Ah, I’m...I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help it.” You choke, another fit of giggles escaping you.

“Are you done?” Xiao grumpily asks you, but if he was honestly annoyed then he would have long thrown you off of the balcony. This, you knew. You wave your hand around, giggling. “Anyway...You really aren’t going to the Lantern Rite?” You ask him, tilting your head.

Xiao shakes his head, his amber eyes holding some sort of faraway look in it. “No. I won’t be going to the festival.” He answers you, firmly. “Why?” You press him, a frown on place. “Too many humans.” He responded, glancing at you.

You hum in reply, before turning to look at the scene before the two of you. For a while, silence fell on the two of you. Xiao took this moment to admire you in his peripheral vision, taking in the way your hair danced in the breeze and how the stars reflected on your eyes.

“Will you come, if I prepare something?” You suddenly ask him, making Xiao startle. He looks at you fully this time, and you face him as well. Your face was curious yet determined, eyebrow raised and waiting for his answer.

Xiao opens his mouth to say no, to deny you of your wish because he really shouldn’t be getting close you. He was a Yaksha, and you were human.

“...Perhaps.” Was all he said. That was seemingly enough for you, when your eyes lit up and your smile took over. “I’m holding you to that, Guardian Yaksha!” You tease, before you started running out. “Where are you going?” He calls you, surprised. You whip your head towards him, and you grin.

“To make you experience the best festival, of course!”

Then, you were gone.

Xiao stares at where you stood moments before, amber eyes wide with surprise. “Xiao, you are an idiot.” He says to no one in particular, his gloved hands clenching and unclenching. “...I said perhaps. So they will not be mad if I don’t show up, right?” He mutters, nodding decisively.

He won’t show up. That’s a promise to himself.

He showed up.

Xiao was ready to retreat into the night when the first signs of festivites were about to close and the lanterns lit up. But then.

But then, the wind carried your whisper of his name.

Gritting his teeth and blaming himself and you for his sudden weakness, Xiao went to where you were. He looks around, at the hill where your figure waved at him excitedly. It was a hill overlooking Liyue and it’s waters, isolated enough for him but he could still see the lanterns.

Bedgrudingly, he climed the hill with no difficulty. His eyes meet yours, who waved at him excitedly. “You actually came!” You chirp, grinning. You were sitting on a blanket laid on the grassy field, a basket besides you. With Xiao’s enhanced senses, he could smell the scent of Almond Tofu.

“Hm.” Was all he said in response, before coming to a stop next to you. He was about to tell you that he should go back and that he really didn’t wanna see this, when your hand clasped around his and brought him down.

Xiao yelped in surprise as he was forced to sit sown next to you, personal space be damned. He opened his mouth to retort, to tell you to let him go when you pointed at the sky with childlike excitement twinkling in your eyes. “Xiao, look! It’s so pretty!” You coo, a bright and awe’d smile on your lips. Hesitantly, Xiao let his eyes follow to where you were pointing.

It took Xiao’s breath as well.

The lanterns floated gently across the night sky, illuminating the dark abyss with twinkling lights. The lanterns reflected on the dark waters as well, lighting Liyue up with it’s brightness.

“Look, Xiao.” Your voice was suddenly soft, and he snapped out of his trance to look at you. You were smiling at him gently, eyes twinkling. “Liyue is like this because of you as well. You might not believe it, maybe you’ll never believe it, but if it weren’t for you as well, Liyue would never be what it is right now.” You told him genuinely, breaking your eye contact with him.

“You’ve spent eons watching over Liyue, protecting it’s people and fighting demons and monsters and gods for it. I think, you’ve done enough.”

Xiao’s breath hitched at your genuine words, his amber eyes stuck on your face. The lanterns reflected on your eyes, making it brighter and seemingly magical. You were smiling, in a way that had Xiao gasping for breath because of how beautiful it looked. Xiao falls silent, and his eyes trailed down to where you held his hand.

He startles when you suddenly squeezed his hand, and he looks up as you rip your gaze away from the floating lanterns to look at him.

“You’ve done well, Xiao. You can rest.”

Oh, Xiao thinks to himself as he watches you turn your gaze back st the floating lanterns. He watches as your lips curved, how your eyes twinkled, and how you held his hand firmly but he could pull away if he wished.

Is this what mortals call love? Xiao thinks as he drags his gaze to your interlocked hands.

He may never be truly clean - For he has done enough evil deeds to even be considered kind. He has slaughtered and he has eaten dreams.

But maybe this time, he can let himself happy.

For the first time, Xiao squeezes your hand back. You snapped your head to him in surprise, and what you got was Xiao staring at you, his amber eyes shining with gratefulness and love.

“Thank you.”

Your eyes widens at his soft voice, the sincerity behind his words and at how it seemingly made everything better. You curse yourself when your eyes watered, and you let a smile slip on your lips.

“...No problem, Xiao.”

And then Xiao’s lips curled as he looks up at the lanterns, and he thinks,

That maybe being in love wasn’t a bad thing.

[heartcal]

“who do you believe?”; l.h.

Disclaimer: i didn’t want to write sierra as a bad person because i personally cannot see that, and i know there’s some discourse about her within in the fandom but i don’t want any of that here! so i named the girlfriend after a girl who bullied me in elementary school lol (but another disclaimer: i do not want to see any hate towards the boys’ s/o! pls don’t send any asks that talks bad about them, i will not answer them!)

thank you for requesting! :^)

a/n: while transfering this from microsoft word, the formatting kept screwing up for some reason so if there are some janky paragraphs, i apologize! not too comfortable with this one compared to my previous fic (this feels rushed) but it is long and i did not mean for that to happen lol. enjoy!

if there are any mistakes, please tell me!

pairing(s): not really a mention of luke hemmings x reader but it’s mostly luke hemmings x named gf (rachel/oc) (gender neutral but if i slipped up, please let me know!)

summary: having known luke for years, it was bound to happen eventually. the crush you developed happened before you could stop it, and you did your best to keep it a secret. you told no one, did your best not to show it, so what do you do when his girlfriend finds out?

genre: angst, and mostly angst >:^)

warnings: swearing, luke’s gf being mean, bullying?

wc: 4,057 (she’s a long one)

my masterlist!

You don’t know when it happened, or frankly how it happened, but one thing is for sure: you don’t want to feel this way.

Was it when he bought you a stuffed animal version of a pet you had as a kid, one that you remember so fondly and still tear up about it to this day? Or was it when he would always bring back a certain candy you can only find in its country of origin, and bring as much as customs would allow? Maybe it was when he printed out every photo he could find from the beginning of your friendship to the present day (at that time) and made a scrapbook for your birthday since you cherish memories?

Whatever memory it was, you want to track it down and destroy it. It wasn’t fair that you developed such strong feelings for your best friend, knowing he doesn’t feel the same since he’s taken.

It’s not that he isn’t attractive – far from that because if anything, you wish you could draw just so you can draw him because there’s no way someone can look that good – but it’s more of the fact that he’s your best friend, someone you hold dear to you.

You two grew up together; saw each other’s worst phases, styles, and embarrassing moments (it was well documented towards the middle of the scrapbook). He was with you when you went through bad break-ups, and you with him. Throughout school, you two were inseparable, and when the band got big he made sure to keep you close and to never lose contact. It was hard in the beginning but you two managed.

Now finished with college, you’ve taken on the role of working with the team when they’re on tour and helping plan aesthetics for the next album. He offered the jobs after you struggled to find a job after graduation, and in the end, you enjoyed being with the guys and doing the tasks needed.

Tonight, the band was set to play their new album to an intimate crowd. It was to welcome back old fans and welcome new fans, introducing both sides to a new sound they worked hard on. You couldn’t be any more proud.

You sat on the couch as the guys walked around the room, pepping themselves up and hyping each other. You had finished doing your tasks with the crew and spent your free time watching the band prepare as the audience began to fill in the theater seats.

A nudge on your arm makes you direct your eyes from Michael styling his hair with a nervous expression to the person on your left.

“What’s up?” you asked, smiling at the curly-haired individual.

Luke shrugs, glancing around the room before his eyes land back on you. He has a small smile on his face as he leans back onto the couch, “Nothing.”

You scoff, shaking your head with a smile, “Yeah, sure, ‘nothing,’” you mimic, tilting your head to the side, “I doubt that.”

“What do you want me to say?”

You give him an incredulous look, crossing your arms as you turn to face him. You can tell he’s nervous, like the rest of the team and the band, but he won’t admit it. He’s always wanted others to view him as strong and unbothered, especially when those around him feel off.

He mirrors your position, a smirk on his lips because he knows you’re about to lecture him.

And he’s right.

“Your band has a new album out in a couple of days—an album you guys have worked hard on even when your management gave you shit, mind you—and you’re about to perform a majority of the songs in front of 500. Are you not nervous?”

He shakes his head, smugly smiling as he returns to his position leaning against the couch, watching Ashton dry the wet ends of his hair.

“Liar,” you mumble, uncrossing your arms and taking your phone out to check the time.

“Alright,” Luke sighs, giving in, “maybe I’m a little nervous, but I’m not a wreck.”

He’s still a liar. The success of their last album was astounding, so creating an album to reach that level and hopefully top it was hard enough. Playing it in front of an intimate crowd who may or may not like it was tough.

Luke isn’t cocky. He’s a humble man, but he likes to joke around in stressful situations. He’s used to concerts, so he doesn’t have any anxiety when it comes to performing. But when he is nervous for any reason, he won’t show it. He’ll act cool, completely collected with his head held high in confidence. If he needs to relieve the stress, he’ll either do it himself with a strong pep talk, or he’ll go to you.

“What are you nervous about?” You ask, wanting to make him feel better.

“Will they like it? Will it even chart? Is it too bold?” he continues listing out his insecurities about the album and the performance, finally lifting everything off his chest.

And you listen. The way his eyes stare into yours with slight confidence, covered by worry makes your heart sore. Luke’s kept everything inside and now that he’s listing his grievances, it makes you wonder just what else you can get out of him that he’s kept buried inside.

However, before you can give him your insight on this particular problem, “Luke!”

His head immediately turns to the door, the worry in his eyes fading out into sheer happiness and adoration. Something you’ve always wanted to see directed towards you.

Luke stands arms wide as he captures his girlfriend in his arms for a hug. Her arms wrap around his waist as his arms go around her shoulders, dipping his head down to kiss her on the head.

“I can’t believe you made it!” you hear him speak with excitement, expressing more words of happiness as he guides her to another part of the room.

You don’t miss the way her eyes glare in your direction, and you’re not afraid to give her a look back.

Rachel was nice when you met her. You actually liked her, despite your crush on Luke, and you were rooting for the two. But, a couple months ago during a stressful week, she turned on you. Her attitude towards you shifted, almost as if you had disrespected her and her bloodline. She would always act as if you weren’t in the room, and when plans were made with the boys, she would “accidentally” leave you out. It was embarrassing for you when you’d find out your friends went out, calling you to find out why you didn’t come. Due to the embarrassment, you would go along with it, making up some excuse as to why you were absent.

None of the boys, to your knowledge at least, have caught on to her antics, and you honestly hope they don’t. Whatever it is you did to her, you want to find out for yourself so you can fix it.

With a sigh, you stand from the couch, stretching your arms briefly before wandering to Calum, who stood in the shower room connected to the dressing room.

“Hey,” you greeted him with a warm smile.

He smiles back, finishing his drink before tossing the plastic cup in the trash. He grabs his bass, which was placed on the counter, and holds it out to you.

“You want me to see if it sounds out of tune?” you jokingly ask.

He nods, “Yeah, I feel like one of the chords might be flat.”

You chuckle as you pluck a random chord. His instruments are always tuned before it’s time to play. One of his pre-show nervous ticks was the constant doubt of his instruments being playable.

“It’s fine, Calum.”

The doubt shows on his face as he brings his guitar back to himself, putting it on and checking the chords himself, but it doesn’t last long as Ashton’s voice calls everyone to the center of the room.

Walking with Calum to where the rest of the crew was, you notice how attached Luke was to Rachel. Joint at the hip, arms wrapped around each other; it was annoying.

“Show starts in ten,” Ashton gains your attention, holding up a cup as Michael hands Calum a similar cup before doing the same to Luke. The three follow the drummer’s action as he continues, “let’s make this show fuckin’ awesome.”

The crew cheers, dying down quickly as Michael gives his thoughts, “We worked our asses off for this album, I don’t have any doubts about it. We got this, guys!”

The cheers resume as those with a drink take a celebratory sip before placing their empty cup on a surface near them.

Calum leaves your side to join Michael while Ashton heads to you.

“You excited?” he asks, putting his right arm around your shoulders with a large smile.

“Yeah!” you return the smile, “What about you? Nervous like the others?”

He shakes his head, crinkling his nose, “I’m not too nervous. I’m just happy to play again.”

You’re about to ask him what song he was the most excited to play, starting to get into the conversation but yet again you are interrupted by Rachel.

“Hey, Ash,” she greets him, Luke following close behind her as his arms make their way back around her shoulders again.

“Hi, Rachel,” Ashton nods his head at her – his eyes dance to Luke briefly before returning to Rachel’s, “didn’t think you’d make it.”

“Couldn’t miss your big show,” she smiles, looking up at her boyfriend as she pats his stomach.

Luke laughs, gently pushing her hand away from him, “I’m surprised, too—“ he grabs the guitar a crew member hands him, left arm lifting itself from Rachel’s shoulder as he slips the strap over his head, “—because her schedule did not look clear enough, but here she is.”

“Three minutes,” a different crew member rushes out, patting Luke and Ashton’s shoulders before rushing to tell the others.

“See you after,” Luke shifts his guitar away from Rachel before leaning down to kiss her on the lips – something you wish you didn’t see – and turning around to head out of the dressing room.

Ashton gives you a quick hug, “Excited for the lights,” he mumbles in your ear before turning to Rachel to give her a side hug.

It doesn’t go unnoticed how Rachel’s eyes glared at you by Ashton, but he doesn’t mention it as he heads out with the other guys towards the stage.

As a majority of the crew follow them out, you stay behind to clean up the empty cups and other trash, trying to occupy yourself as Rachel too stayed behind.

Her eyes followed you as you moved about the room, carrying the small plastic bag with you as it fills up with cups and wrappers. You could feel the glare burning into your side and back as you paid her no mind.

When it was just you two left, the bass from their opening song was heard and felt as you finished picking up the garbage.

“For how long have you liked Luke?”

You froze. Your head whipped towards Rachel, wide-eyed as you glanced around the room to make sure it was just the two of you.

“What…what are you talking about?” You can feel an extreme warmth rising up from the bottom of your back, all the way to your face, nervousness clouding your brain as she stares you down.

“Luke—,” she crosses her arms and moves to the couch, “how long have you liked Luke?”

“I don’t—I,” you stutter, your stomach dropping as you realize you’ve been caught.

His girlfriend knows you like him.

“Cut the bullshit,” she spits, “I can see it. You’ve been friends with him for years, you obviously caught feelings for him.”

You shake your head, standing up straight to give off the illusion of confidence. Turning your back to her and towards the door, “I don’t have to talk to you.”

You opted for walking out of the dressing room and go watch the band from the side of the stage, but you made a quick stop in the bathroom to splash cold water on your face.

You did what you could to avoid her during their performance. You knew she was watching you, seething at how you ended the conversation so fast.

Rachel wanted to break you down, find the reason why you like him and separate you two for as long as it takes to make him fall in love with her. She finds you a problem in their relationship because of how close you and Luke are, because of how long you’ve known each other. A threat to her and her relationship.

An hour and a half later, the show is finished and the whoops and cheers from the crowd indicate the album was very well received. That thought swept the interaction with Rachel from earlier under the rug as the boys’ adrenaline spread throughout the crew.

Ashton was first to greet you, sweaty and ready to envelop you in a hug but you’re quick to avoid it, ducking down just as his arms closed around the space where your head was. He laughs it off, heading for his next victim.

Next was Calum, who grabbed a drink from Andy and gulped it down. He had a smile on his face after, only growing wider when he saw you. “I think they liked it!”

“Bass in tune, huh?” you return, patting his back as he passes you to go to the next person.

Michael is the third, taking off his hat (which made you question why he was so worried about his hairstyle that he spent at least fifteen minutes playing with before the show). He stops in front of you, phone in hand as he takes a picture of the two of you: a tradition he started a few tours ago as a joke.

Finally, Luke makes his way towards you, ready to ramble about the show but is brisked away by Rachel. He doesn’t even glance over at you after he’s taken away towards the hall.

Entering the dressing room where the rest of the boys sat, you saw Michael talking animatedly on the phone, Calum laying across the couch with an arm over his eyes, and Ashton wiping off excess sweat with a towel. He was the first one to notice you.

“Ready for that hug?” he asks as you approach him.

“Why not.”

You hug each other, smiling as you pulled away. In the distance, over the cool-down music, you hear Luke’s laughter in the hall. Knowing he’s with Rachel makes you wonder if she’s told him about her suspicions, and that thought alone makes you clam up all over again.

Ashton immediately notices, tilting his head as he asks you what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” you quickly reply, eyes focusing on him.

He notices how jittery you seem, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable so he says nothing.

“Guys,” Andy comes in with his camera in hand, “we need to take a few photos.”

The three agree and follow the photographer out. You move to the snack table for a bottle of water, but before you can take a sip, someone clears their throat in the doorway.

You roll your eyes immediately because you know who it is. You don’t pay her any attention and instead take the sip of water you need.

“We need to finish that conversation you oh-so rudely ended,” Rachel moves into the room, keeping her voice down as she crosses her arms.

“We don’t need to finish anything.”

She scoffs, “I asked you a question, and you were so quick to avoid it. I think you’re proving a point.”

“What point?” you turn to look at her, “I know you don’t like me but I don’t know why, can we start with that?”

“Like I said before, I know you like Luke. He’s my boyfriend, and I don’t like how he’s close to you.”

“We grew up together,” you state, standing tall as you glare at her, “of course we’re going to be close.”

“Well I don’t like it,” she huffs.

You shake your head with a sigh, closing the lid to the bottle as you turn your back to her. You were getting angry at the fact that someone who didn’t know Luke as long as you did was hinting that you should stay away from him.

“Stop hanging out with him.”

A curt laugh escapes you before you can stop it, “Are you jealous of our friendship?”

“No,” she smirks, “but I know you’re jealous of our relationship.”

She’s right; you’re only a little jealous of their relationship, but it’s not something you want to risk your friendship with.

You open your mouth to defend yourself, but you’re caught off-guard when nothing comes out. The one opportunity to make her believe you don’t like her boyfriend and you can’t say anything.

Giving up with sinking shoulders, you glance at the door before looking back at her. Grimacing at her knowing smile, “How did you find out?”

She hums, “It was easy. I love him, so I know what it looks like to look at someone you love. You made it so obvious, I’m surprised no one else found out!”

You grit your teeth. You did your damn best to make sure no one, especially Luke or Rachel, know how you feel about him.

“I’m not intimidated by you,” she walks closer to you, arms uncrossing as her hands move to her hips, “but I won’t deny the fact that you and Luke have chemistry.”

“What will it take—” you place the bottle back on the table, “—for you to leave me alone?”

“Do the same to him.”

“What?”

“Leave him alone, unfriend him,” she shrugs, “simple as that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you walk around her to the door, ready to end the conversation.

“Do that or I’ll tell him,” with a harsh tone she walks towards you, grabbing your arm to stop you from walking.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” another voice from the doorway makes the two of you jump, “that’s enough.”

Ashton walks into the room, grabbing Rachel’s hand and removing it from your arm.

“W—” she stutters out as she watches the tall man move to stand in front of you.

“I came back for my drumsticks—” his eyes shift to the object sticking out of his bag before dropping down to Rachel, “—but instead I find you, what, threatening a good friend of ours?”

Rachel is speechless while you’re frozen. It was embarrassing enough for one person to find out about your crush on Luke, but now Ashton might know and you want to go into hiding.

“Let it go,” you tug on Ashton’s shirt to get his attention but he doesn’t move.

“Telling someone who’s known your boyfriend longer than your relationship to just abandon him is low, Rachel. Don’t think the way you’ve been treating our friends has gone unnoticed.”

You hear more footsteps approaching the room, and now you wish the ground can swallow you up. You don’t want all this attention on you.

“What’s happening here?” Michael says as he peeks into the room, Luke behind him as Calum leans against the other side of the doorway.

“Nothing—,” Rachel tries to deflect but with four pairs of eyes on her, it becomes too much. Tears start pouring out, and you’re in disbelief.

How can she be the one crying after she was the one who was rude to you?

Luke immediately rushes in, creating a beeline right to her side to wrap her in his arms.

His eyes dart to yours, an emotion on his face of something you’ve never seen, but you know it’s not good.

“What did you do?”

You’re taken back by his tone and the way his angry eyes stare you down. It hurts because instead of staying neutral and finding out what exactly happened, he immediately chose a side: a side of someone he’s known for only for a short amount of time.

“Mate,” Ashton speaks up for you, “I think you’re asking the wrong person that.”

“No,” Luke’s voice raises, eyes moving from yours to stare into his band mate’s, “I’m asking the right person.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, your eyes welling with tears as the weight of everything happening within the last ten minutes starts to bring you down. Your eyes move away from the ones boring into yours, and with a tremble in your voice, “I didn’t do anything. She’s the one who started—.”

“Bullshit!” Luke’s roar cuts you off, “Absolute bullshit, because if she started it, then why is she the only one crying?!”

The two other guys move in to the room to mediate the situation.

“Luke, calm down,” Michael’s hands raise to the motion of ‘calm down’ as he tries to get Luke’s attention.

“There’s gotta be more to the story,” Calum moves to your side, checking on you briefly.

“Don’t,” Luke states as he watches Calum grab your shoulders to move you out of the room.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” Ashton questions. He watches Luke soothingly rub Rachel’s back, wiping her tears with his free hand.

“My girlfriend is crying and you two were the only ones in here,” Luke replies, gently grabbing Rachel’s arms so he can look directly into her eyes, “what happened, babe?”

“I asked them—,” Rachel sniffles, continuing her façade, “—if they needed any help cleaning the room earlier and they yelled at—at me and told me to go away. Then after the show when you guys went for your photos, I came here to apologize to her, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She was selling it; the tears, the sniffling, the stutters, and hiccups. A great actress who knows what she wants.

“That’s not true,” you inhale, your ears feeling warm and ringing, “she has had a problem with me lately and I don’t know why!”

Luke scoffs, shaking his head, wrapping Rachel in his arms again.

“C’mon,” Michael mumbles, wanting to leave the room.

Ashton turns around, watching your face go from pleading to blank as the tears fall from your eyes. He turns his head to face Luke, “You’re unbelievable,” he grabs your shoulders and starts to move you out of the room, “let’s go.”

Michael is already out of the room, the tension too much for him and ruining the after-show vibe. Calum is waiting by the door ready to help lead you out. Ashton has you turned around, pushing you towards the door.

“Wait, Luke,” you mumble, getting out of Ashton’s hold and turning back to face Luke.

He doesn’t look at you, sighing as he rubs Rachel’s head as it’s against his chest.

“Please,” you plead, begging him to look at you and when he does, you ask, “who do you believe?”

“What?”

“Who do you believe, Luke,” you gulp with a sniffle, “me or her?”

For a moment, you think you see hesitation. His jaw tenses as he stares you down, his best friend for years and someone he turned to when times got tough. He then looks down at the girl in his arms, someone he loves crying into his chest.

He sighs again, this time soft, before looking up to meet your eyes. He does notice the tears, the pain etched on your face as his other best friends watch them. “I believe Rachel.”

“This is fucking stupid,” Ashton mutters as he gently grabs your shoulders again to lead you out of the room.

You let the tears fall freely, not meeting any of the boys’ eyes as you kept your head face down.

You’ve lost your best friend. He chose someone else over you, a lie he chose to believe.

Whatever it was that made you catch feelings for your best friend, you wish you can find it and destroy it, along with any other memory you’ve made with him. After tonight, you want him erased from your cherished memories.

---

part two!

[braindeadbaddie]

A Study on Love: Relearning What It Means to Be Human

Takemichi doesn’t really remember what it’s like to love. He doesn’t really remember what it’s like to live either.

So he is forced to relearn.

In his first life, he blocked all his emotions out, buried his fiery personality away, and kept his head down always apologizing apologizing apologizing. He never wanted to live through the hell his arrogance cost him ever again.

One mistake was all it took to fuck up his life for good.

And yet one push was all it took to make it right.

Takemichi loves Hinata.

Or he did.

When your life’s peak is in the second year of middle school, where emotions and hormones are always high, and everything is so intense, love is as simple as ice cream on a hot summer day.

His first life was simple. The days bled together, full of sorry sorry sorry. Because he was so sorry sorry sorry. Nothing was good, everything was trash, so of course he loved the only person who ever thought highly of him. Of course, that was the highlight of love.

But here he is, in his second life, with a future he crafted, that he took initiative in, that is so much more colorful than his previous one.

And so less lonely.

He doesn’t remember much, his memories of the current timeline lagging a little to catch up, but he does know that even the him that was left to live his life up to this point, started to feel it too:

The dull gray that comes with thinking that as cute as the idea of middle-school sweethearts to lifetime partners is, maybe it isn’t for him. Maybe he doesn’t love Hina the way he once did.

He loved her so much, and he still does. But not like he did before. Her kisses don’t make him feel strong the way they used to. Her embrace lacks a certain warmth. Her love doesn’t make him feel alive the way it used to.

He doesn’t regret saving her. No. He never could. Because he loves Hinata. And maybe it isn’t the blazing love it once was, but it is still a fire that keeps him warm. It makes him feel so good knowing that he saved her, that she’s alive, she’s safe. She’s happy. But she deserves to be happier. She deserves a love that will fulfill her, a love that Takemichi cannot provide for her.

And so Takemichi comes to his first conclusion about love.

That maybe we can love differently at 26 than we did at 14, but that doesn’t make the love any less real.

Just because something is no longer true, doesn’t mean that it once wasn’t, and that doesn’t make it any less valid. People grow, people learn. People become different people.

And isn’t that the most beautiful thing about human nature?

That we can change. That our lives are in our tiny, helpless but ever-changing hands.

So he breaks up with Hina, tells her as gently as possible, cushioning the blows with “I love you, just not the way I used to” and “it’s not you, it’s me,” and “I’m so sor—“

He doesn’t say it. He doesn’t apologize.

He takes a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you like this…”

Yes. That is true. That he feels.

Hina cries and Takemichi hugs her. He offers to stay at a friend’s until she is ready to leave. She agrees because she is too much of a mess to do otherwise.

As he packs a bag to stay at Akkun’s or Mikey’s or one of the other guys’ place for a week or so, he is certain that they’ll both be okay.

He’s sure of it.

So Takemichi makes his way out, planting a final kiss to Hina’s head, whispering a soft affirmation that love will find her.

And then he’s out the door and out of her life for good.

Oddly enough, his first instinct is to call Mikey…so he does and not even 20 minutes later, a beautiful CB205T is driving up to the convenience store he is at.

Mikey gives him a reassuring smile, still unaware of why he’s been called out here and why Takemichi needs a place to crash for a while. He just heard Takemichi needed him, and he was already on his way.

Takemichi settles onto the bike, wrapping his arms around Mikey and sighs, inhaling Mikey’s fresh cologne and body wash and fabric softener.

And as he rides through the city with his cheek pressed against Mikey’s warm back, he comes to his first hypothesis about love.

That love must be warm, and smells like vanilla, cinnamon, and sweet sweet ocean breeze.

~~~~

Mikey is helpless.

That is Takemichi’s first impression of staying with him in the first week.

No wonder Draken lives with him, he giggles to himself one morning.

But Takemichi is helpless too, and he realizes that maybe he wants to stop being so. Because he did want a second chance at life. The least he could do was learn household chores.

So he cooks with Draken over his shoulder, instructing him on what to do in a surprising calm voice. The drastic improvement between each meal is always shocking.

He helps Draken with dishes, laundry, and even a bit of spring cleaning.

Takemichi thinks that this is what love must be like. Because what better way to love than to take care of someone in every way you know how.

Mikey is helpless but he takes the skills he does learn and applies it to the small room he has put together in dedication of his missing family. Shin’s room made from a garage stays the same, a time capsule of love. In the memorial are the ashes of Shin, Emma, and his grandfather. The room is adorned with memories, and a picture of Baji nestled between his siblings.

He has the bunny Draken gave Emma on her birthday, three tattered kid uniforms with Sano Dojo embroidered on them hanging on the wall, a picture of the abandoned building with the collapsed ceiling in the Philippines. He has pictures of old bikes, childhood photos, a first generation Black Dragons jacket and a copy of the photo of the founders of Toman. There is a photo of Izana towards the back of the room, hidden away in the corner, a Teijiku jacket hung above and a pair of earrings lay in front.

Takemichi goes into the room sometimes, talks in a soft voice and apologizes for all that he couldn’t do to save the people closest to Mikey. But he promises them that he will dedicate himself to make sure life is a bit easier for him, because now he can share Mikey’s burden with him, instead of making him feel like he must do it alone.

Takemichi looks at all the photos, radiating love, of all of Mikey’s loss, and finally realizes why Kisaki was able to manipulate him into going dark in so many future. Why he still lost his way, even without Kisaki.

And so Takemichi, belatedly, comes to his second conclusion on love.

That love is what makes us human.

It is what fills our lives with color. It connects us to one another, makes life worth living. The two are connected, needing one another so that life does not become bleak and gray. Love hurts, but the hurt is only possible because of love.

Love is our first language.

And Takemichi so desperately wants to use his second life to become more human.

So he makes dorayaki on days that Mikey’s eyes look far away. They’re awful at first; Mikey makes a very disgusted face and a dramatic show of spitting them out. But it still doesn’t fail to bring his eyes back to the present. And Takemichi is determined and stubborn, and if he could fix the future, he can make the perfect dorayaki for his best friend.

So he consults with Draken and the internet and slowly but surely, manages to make a dorayaki so perfect that Mikey’s eyes shine and shimmer and look at him with so much emotion he feels paralyzed in place.

Ah, Takemichi thinks helplessly. That is what love must look like.

~~~

Takemichi moves in with Mikey and Draken.

It’s something brought up by Mikey, co-signed by Draken, and so it instantly becomes a course of action, no matter how badly Takemichi wants to protest.

But he doesn’t.

Because Takemichi thinks that home feels a lot more like a traditional Japanese house, right next to a dojo, with a garage time-capsule than a shitty apartment with paper-thin walls and shitty neighbors.

Home is mornings with Draken wrapped up in a blue-gray apron with a small dragon stitched into the corner pocket, made with love by Mitsuya, making a traditional Japanese breakfast, cursing out Mikey for always waking up so late.

Home is Mikey stumbling into the kitchen, looking more like an adorable 12 year old than a full grown man who could kill you with one kick.

Home is running his hair through black locks on the porch that overlooks a small garden, because Mikey is clingy and says Takemichi is so warm and insisting that he must nap in his lap every Sunday afternoon.

Home is growing fresh vegetables with Draken in the garden to make meals filled with love. It’s the perfect balance of a noisy kitchen while making dinner and a cup of calming tea in the dead quiet before bed.

And so Takemichi comes to his third conclusion about love.

That love is what makes a home.

~~~

Chifuyuu runs a pet shop with Kazutora because he still loves Baji.

Hakkai is a model because he spent so much time around Mitsuya because he loves him.

Smiley and Angry run a ramen shop together, balancing one another, because they love each other.

Mitsuya is a fashion designer because he started sewing for his two baby sisters who he loves so much.

Pey-yan is Pah-chin’s assistant because he loves him.

Draken lives with and takes care of Mikey because he loves him.

Mikey made and disbanded Toman because he loves his friends.

And so Takemichi comes to his fourth conclusion on love.

That love is a lot less like fire, and a lot more like water.

That love is not in burning the world for someone, but building a world for them instead. It is nurturing, it is life, and it refreshes. It makes up so much of who we are.

Sometimes it is soft like a drizzling rain. Sometimes it is sweet like a cool, crisp glass of water. Sometimes it is harsh like a thunderstorm. Sometimes it can be damaging like a brutal tsunami.

But it always always always nourishes the Earth. Even if the pits of it are dark and scary, unknown trenches of deep deep ocean.

Love is so integral to our being.

~~~

Takemichi is slowly but surely learning what it means to be human. He is slowly but surely learning to live each day as if it were precious.

He takes morning runs with Draken. He fosters an environment of forgiveness at work between his employees. He eats ramen at the twin’s shop. He gets bi-weekly haircuts from Akkun. He wears his special Mitsuya-made apron as he cooks dinner. He buys the magazines Hakkai is featured in. He hangs out with Chifuyuu every Friday night. He still talks to Hina and Naoto, loving the way that the light in Hina’s eyes shine brighter than they ever did with him.

And every morning, and every night, in a small futon, he kisses Mikey, sweet and lovingly.

He holds Mikey close to his chest, guarding him from drifting far away into a sea of sorrow ever again. He whispers sweet nothings into his ear, calling him Manjirou on days he sees dark clouds rolling in his eyes. He kisses him like he is trying to pour all the love he feels into Mikey’s heart.

He lets Mikey cry out about how hard life has been, and how much he has suffered. He kisses away his tears, shares his burdens, and wraps him in warm warm love.

Because he has come to a fifth conclusion about love.

That love, to him, is a fierce desire to save someone.

And hasn’t his whole second life been dedicated to saving Mikey?

[kindahoping4forever]

When The Sun Came Up, You Were Looking At Me (Prologue) // Ashton Irwin

It really cannot be overstated how excited @cal-puddies​ and I are for you all to finally start reading this fic!! I searched our chat and we actually came up with the skeleton idea for this sequel only TWO DAYS after Remember When We Couldn’t Take The Heat was posted LAST APRIL and we started seriously writing in SEPTEMBER. This is a long time coming. We hope you love it as much as we do and thank you again for encouraging us to continue this story!

Don’t forget we’re alternating chapters so the story continues tomorrow over on Cass’s blog. And of course, you can find links to everything as it’s posted in the masterlist linked below! 

Warnings: Tension, both dramatic and sexual. Mild angst. Meddling but well-meaning friends. The first smut-free work Cass and I have ever written together (don’t worry, we more than make up for it the rest of the series lmao)

Word Count: 3455

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist  // Series Masterlist

Let  us  know  what  you  think!

The traffic light changes to green and you turn down Luke and Sierra’s street. You roll your eyes at the quickening of your pulse as you think about the party tonight; you’d give anything to skip it but you know Michael and Crystal really want you there and you can’t not show up for them. 

You feel your nerves settle a bit as you step out of the car and see Sierra waiting at the door for you, happy to have you over to get ready together. She grins wide and pulls you into a warm hug, Luke quickly coming over to engulf you as well. Their excited greetings overlap as they literally smother you with affection and you can’t help but laugh at the fuss they’re making.

“You always disappear for too long,” he murmurs, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of your head. 

“Just needed some space,” you say with a shrug. 

“You broke up with Ash, not us,” Sierra reminds you, squeezing your arm. 

“I know, I know,” you nod with a weak smile. 

Luke grabs the bag with your dress in it and takes it to their room while you and Sierra get a drink. “Thank god you’re letting me pre-game,” you joke. 

“How are you feeling about everything?” She asks as you head back with her. 

“Just doin’ my best to be OK,” you admit, without even thinking about Luke overhearing. “It was like… close to an entire year of my life you know? I know it doesn’t seem like much... I just wasn’t ready, you know? And I’m definitely not ready for tonight.” 

Sierra sits on the bed, listening as you sit at her vanity, absentmindedly looking over the beauty products on it.  “It was such an intense relationship, it makes sense you’re not over it yet, babe,” she points out gently.

“I should be over it, though, it was ridiculous. Our whole relationship was based on a foundation of fighting until we fucked to forget why we fought… it didn’t work, we never really communicated about anything.” 

“Well. You already know I’m not a fan of how the breakup went down,” she shakes her head, plugging in the curling iron you’ve been gesturing wildly with. “It’s been a couple months now, you guys still haven’t even texted?”

You scoff, taking a sip of your drink. “Please, we are the king and queen of Stubborn Town, I haven’t seen or heard from that man since I got the last of my stuff from his place,” you shrug. “I guess it still just feels… unfinished. I hate that.”

“I mean, it feels unfinished because you guys left it that way,” she says matter of factly. “You both decided you were done and then just… were? When you love someone, walking away like that doesn’t work.”

“I never said I loved him,” you glare at her through the mirror.

She settles behind you and starts sectioning off your hair. “Never said you didn’t either,” she teases.

Before you know it, 45 minutes have passed and Luke is at the door warning that he’s about to call the Uber; you’re deep into your girl talk catch-up and the knock on the door causes you both to burst into shrieks and giggles, scurrying around the room to finish getting ready.

Miraculously, you get yourselves together in time and as you stand in front of the house waiting for the car to arrive, Luke nudges you gently. “Ash is coming from a meeting on the other side of town, so you’ve got time to relax, he won’t be there for a while,” he reassures you. “And if you feel like you need to leave, let us know and we’ll come up with a reason to swoop you outta there.”

You put your arms around him and squeeze. “I’ve missed you too,” you say with a smile.

Luke tells you and Sierra how nice you both look as he ushers you inside the party. They both watch you scan the room, relaxing once you see Ashton hasn't arrived and then you all break off, making the rounds. 

You greet a few people but end up hanging off to the side, keeping an eye on the door, nervously half-paying attention to anyone who happens to approach you. 

You immediately tense when he enters. Luke moves to welcome him while Sierra comes to you, trying to be a silent support; her babysitting goes from feeling comforting to coddling very quickly and you urge her to go back to mingling. 

You try not to stare but you can’t help it, you haven’t seen him in so long. Even before you were together, when you hated him, it was hard not to be drawn to him. He just has that kind of presence. 

Luke hasn’t left his side since he walked in, chatting away, but you don’t think anything of it. That is, until everyone seems to be finding their place at the various tables and you’re still awkwardly standing to the side. You would typically sit with Luke and Sierra but they’ve made themselves cozy at a table with Ashton and Calum. 

You head for the bar and before you can order, someone comes up beside you. You ignore them until you hear the soft “Hey” fall from his lips, in that lush, slightly accented voice you missed more than you’d care to admit. 

You turn, fully taking him in for the first time tonight; his hair is different than the last time you saw him and he really seems to be feeling himself in his black pants and the lace button-up you used to make fun of. “Hi,” you respond, so quiet that Ash has to lean in to be sure he heard you. 

“Grab your drink and come sit with us,” he says, waving encouragingly. 

“Uh… that’s OK. I might leave,” you shrug. 

He snorts, rolling his eyes at your ridiculous suggestion. “No you won’t. First of all, I know you came with Luke and Sierra and they’re not leaving. Second of all, you’d never let Crystal and Mike down like that. Just come sit,” he insists, gently tugging on the hem of your dress. 

You melt a little inside. This was one of the reasons you liked him so much, he was always so confident that he knew you so well. But it’s also one of the reasons why you fought and he drove you crazy. 

“Fine,” you sigh with a slight smile. He waits for you to order your drink, also making you crazy, like he can’t trust you’ll do as you say.

“There you are!” Sierra smiles as you take the seat across the table from her and Luke. Sitting between Calum and Ashton is a spot you were very familiar being in; they’d constantly lean over you to share a joke and then one of them would fill you in afterwards if you were lucky. Your heart breaks a little when you realize that's not likely to happen now. 

You make small talk with Cal for a bit; you’ve missed his pinchable cheeks and his sweet laugh. You’d spent plenty of time with him when you were with Ashton but hadn’t really kept in touch since the split. He asks you about work and both he and Ash pay close attention as you chat about your job.

Sierra keeps a close eye on the two of you and notices how quickly you get reacquainted. The way Ash naturally rests his arm on the back of your chair. How when he started getting animated with a story, you knowingly shifted all the drinks over until he was finished. How he won’t let himself laugh at his own joke until he checks to make sure you’re laughing first. The hair toss you subconsciously give whenever he does make you laugh.

Later on, she catches him at the refreshment table serving your favorite dessert onto his plate even though it’s something he notoriously doesn’t like. She walks alongside him as he heads back. “You hate that,” she smirks, pointing at the offending dish.

“Oh. Right,” he says, realizing the old habit he just indulged. “She’ll eat it,” he shrugs, quickening his step to avoid any follow-up questions. 

Crystal makes the rounds to thank everyone for coming and stops Sierra with a hug; they chat for a minute but Crystal notices she seems distracted and eventually follows her gaze over to your table. Cal’s deeply invested on his phone, leaving you and Ash chatting by yourselves.

Crystal lightly snorts and leans in to her friend. “What’s old is new again, I guess,” she cups her manicured hand over her mouth to disguise her words. “You think they’ll leave together? I was shocked when she told me they haven’t hooked up even once since they split.”

Sierra shakes her head firmly. “They’re both too stubborn to admit they want even that from each other,” she rolls her eyes. “You should’ve seen how nervous she was to come here tonight.”

“Oh, Ash too,” Crystal whispers. “Ever since we planned this, Michael must’ve gotten at least 5 texts from him casually trying to find out if she was coming.”

Sierra sips her drink, never taking her eyes off your table. “It ended so badly, I can’t get over how comfortable they are with each other… there’s still just so much love there.”

Crystal shrugs. “Well god bless them but think of how long it took them to actually get together,” she points out. “I wouldn’t hold my breath for them to figure out that they called it off too soon.” 

You make light conversation with Ashton, trying to ignore the girls’ gabfest you see out of the corner of your eye; they were both supportive but clearly distraught when you told them about the breakup so you know they’ve got to be eating this up. 

Calum announces he’s stepping away for a cigarette and you and Ash pick at your plates in silence for a few minutes, suddenly feeling the weight of having to interact without a buffer. Finally, he offers up a quiet, “You’ve been good?”

You answer perhaps a little too quickly, nod perhaps a little too vigorously, eager to mask any implication of hurt feelings. “Yep. Busy. But good.”

He fiddles with the tablecloth. “You know... I meant to call sometime but it never felt right and then things got crazy with the band…”

“It’s fine,” you interrupt, shaking your head. “I didn’t check in either. Didn’t think you’d answer,” you laugh weakly.

He smiles and you hate how warm you feel at the sight. “Why did I always assume you were a ‘fuck that guy, delete his number as soon as you’re out the door’ kind of ex?”

Your heart sinks and you’re not sure why; it takes you a moment to realize it’s because this is the first time you’ve actually thought of yourself as “his ex.” You steady yourself. “Usually am. Decided to be mature on this one. You’re still at the top of my contacts. Listed under ‘Asshole,’ obviously,” you giggle.

“Ah, my favorite of your pet names,” he laughs along with you.

You talk for a few more minutes until Crystal makes her way over; Ash slips away while the two of you catch up and shortly after, you get a text from Luke asking if you’re ready to go. Your eyes scan the room though you aren’t sure what exactly you’re searching for, because you’re totally fine leaving without saying goodbye to Ashton. 

You're quiet on the ride back to Sierra and Luke’s and while you collect your things from their bedroom, she gently checks in.

“See, tonight wasn’t so bad,” she muses. 

“No, it was OK. Good to see everyone,” you shrug. “...Ash looks healthy.” 

“He looks good,” Sierra says pointedly. You say nothing. 

“You sure you’re good to drive?” Luke asks, coming into the room and sitting next to his girlfriend on the bed. “You know you’re always welcome to stay here.” 

“I’m fine, Luke,” you chuckle. You turn and hug them both. “I love you both, I’ll text when I’m home.” They respond by kissing the top of your head and you chuckle fondly as you leave. 

“They seemed OK tonight,” Luke mentions while they get ready for bed.

“They were more than OK, those stubborn kids couldn’t have been more into each other,” Sierra rants. “I think they really miss it, they just won’t admit it.”

“Oh, Ash definitely misses her. I swear, he talked about her less when they were together,” he jokes. Sierra raises an eyebrow, which Luke takes as encouragement to continue rambling about everything Ash had told him. “He knows they fought a lot but he even misses that... he’s been saying he’s glad he never told her he loved her, though. Things would’ve been a lot harder. Messier. I dunno, he’s always asking about her.”

You get home and drop your bag right inside the door with a huge, exhausted sigh and pull out your phone to text Luke and Sierra before heading to your room. You throw open the closet and it only takes you a couple seconds to spot what you’re looking for: that hoodie that Ash left behind and you never bothered to return. 

You stare at it for a beat and then leave to wash your face and brush your teeth; you already know what you’re about to do but you still try to talk yourself out of it. Back in the bedroom, you reluctantly grab the hoodie off of its hanger, change into it and climb into bed. You hold the sleeves to your face and breathe Ashton in; long, deep breaths, letting his smell fill your nostrils. You’ve done this more times than you’d care to admit these past few months; you miss him here, in your space. You curl in a ball and drift off, taking comfort in his scent surrounding you. 

You’re woken up early by your phone buzzing on the nightstand. You see it’s Sierra and pick it up, groaning, making sure she can hear it. “S?”

“Hey babe… can we lunch?” She bubbles. 

“You couldn’t have texted?”

“Sorry, Sunshine, just wanted to hear your lovely voice… and get a definite answer out of you. 1 o’clock, don’t be late!” She sing-songs, hanging up. 

You check your notifications and your heart sinks, not seeing anything from Ashton. You weren’t sure why you thought you would. You curl up and go back to sleep for a while. 

Sierra knows you well enough to guess you fell back asleep without setting an alarm and she starts blowing you up around noon. You text that you’ll see her soon and you start getting ready. You use the most fragrant soap you can find for your shower, ensuring the smell of Ashton's cologne doesn't linger on your skin.

You walk into your usual lunch place and easily spot Sierra on the patio. "Drinks are on their way," she shares as you take your seat.

You chat breezily about the party: how good the food was, how Michael's DJ setup was so much more elaborate than at the last party you attended, how much you loved what Crystal had worn. You wonder out loud if Cal had gone home with the girl he'd been making eyes at all night and Sierra seizes the opportunity to steer the conversation to her topic of choice.

"Speaking of making eyes," she takes a prolonged sip from her glass. "Things seemed a little intense with Ash last night."

You give her a tight-lipped smile, determined not to give her anything she can blow out of proportion. "I told you it was fine. Easier than I expected in a lot of ways, harder in others."

She places her hand on your arm from across the table. "I looked over a few times and saw him with his arm over your chair, you watching him talk… it was like we were back at that resort again," she says wistfully.

You evaluate her face for a moment. Since she's one of your best friends, you're used to being lovingly annoyed with her meddling in your life but sometimes you forget that it comes from a place of genuine love and concern for you. "Regardless of how things turned out, I'll always be grateful you forced me to stay on that trip," you smile. "That was some once in a lifetime kind of shit."

"From what I heard down the hall, sure sounded like it," she teases, grinning as you playfully shoo her hand off your arm. "That anniversary's coming up quick, isn't it?"

"Next week," you blurt, wincing at how quickly you answer.

"We'll have to think of something fun to do together," she declares carefully. "Not that you need it, but just in case you don't want to be alone."

This time you reach over and squeeze her hand. "I'm sorry I haven't been around like I used to, S. I just… needed time," you admit. "It's still hard. Most of the time, actually. But being around you and Lu again feels good. I think I need the support more than I realized."

"Babe," she pouts. "We were there for you before Ash, during Ash and we want to be there for you post-Ash. We love you."

You feel better than you thought you would as you head back to your car. Being honest with Sierra - and yourself - was easier than you expected. You briefly think about texting Ash - nothing major, something chill like "fun catching up last night" - but think better of it.

Sierra gets to her car and immediately texts Crystal, who requested an update when she heard you were getting lunch. She suggests asking Cal’s perspective to get the full picture of where Ash is at, so Sierra calls him on the drive home. 

“Hey Sweet Boy!” She greets him. 

“Sierra!” She can hear the grin on his face at the nickname. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” 

“Well, I wanted to ask you how Ash is. I mean, I know what Luke tells me but I feel like he gives you more,” she explains. 

“How do you mean? You saw him last night?” 

“How has he been since the breakup?” She emphasizes. 

“Oh… OH!! Oh! What are you planning? Please tell me you’re doing something, he’s making me crazy. I don’t know what came over him last night,” Cal babbles. 

“I think Luke had a hand in that,” Sierra admits with a sigh. “She came over to get ready with me and I think he probably shared some things he shouldn’t have. You know how he is.”

“What’s in that beautiful brain of yours?” Cal murmurs, letting out an excited little laugh. Out of everyone, he tends to enjoy Sierra’s plans like this the most, especially when they aren’t directed toward him. 

“I don’t know yet… I feel like we just need to get them talking alone again like they were last night, remind them what was there...” she muses. She talks through a few ideas with Calum and he’s on board for any of them.

By the time she gets home, Sierra is raring to go; she practically runs up the stairs to ask Luke for his help.

“Hey hun!” He greets her with a smile when she raps on the door to his studio. He moves the guitar off his lap, silently inviting her to come lay on the couch while they talk. “How was lunch, how’s our girl?”

She fills him in on everything: your mood, your conversation and the consulting she’s been doing among the friend group. Luke seems interested but about halfway through becomes engrossed in his phone and Sierra sits up, irritated. “Babe, you asked, are you even listening?”

He briefly looks concerned and then grins. “Sorry, just distracted by Ash blowing up the group chat, asking if anyone wants to go away next week so he doesn’t have to deal with their anniversary,” he proudly holds up his phone.

Her jaw drops at the opportunity that’s fallen at their feet. “What if…” She starts furiously typing into her phone. “Yes… that house you guys stayed at when you were planning the last album is free.”

“Palm Springs? OK, so…” Luke trails off, trying to follow her logic.

“Band retreat for the boys. Self-care trip for the girls,” she answers, shooting off texts to Crystal, Mike and Cal. 

“That house really isn’t big enough for all of us,” he comments, still lost.

She finally looks up at him, smiling widely. “It’s a good thing they’ll be the only ones going, then.”

————-

Taglist is breaking the links in the post and I currently do not have the brainpower to figure out the problem lol. We’ll try again tomorrow but in the meantime, if you aren’t notified, you can always check the masterlist which will be updated everyday!

@mymindwide​​ @suchalonelysunflower​​​ @pxrxmoore​​ @loveroflrh​​ @ghostofmashton​​ @sexgodashton​​ @feliznavidaddycal​​  

@castaway-cashton​​ @ashtonlftv​​ @cashtonasfuck​​ @megz1985​​  @angelicfluffs​​ @findingliam-o​​ @youngbloodchild​​  @irwinsbetch​​ @everyscarisahealingplace​​

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@crazyforcal​​   @neso-k​​   @deliciouslydisturbed365​​  @blxndeprincess

[robininthelabyrinth]

How about a canon divergence where wen qing doesn't bump into wwx but instead bumps into nhs and nmj. Would it be a tragedy or a fixit? Would nhs temper nmj's hatred for wens? Would nmj act honorably at seeing the old men and women and children doing hard labor or would he only see the clan he hates?

1

It was Nie Huaisang’s fault, probably. Someone tripped over someone else’s feet, and then he apologized and she apologized and then they both apologized, and then there was the whole “you go first, no you go first” dance and anyway eventually Nie Mingjue stormed over to yell at his younger brother for wasting time. He took one look at the ash-faced girl, caught her by the shoulder and said, “Aren’t you that Wen Qing? I used to see you at discussion conferences – what are you doing here?”

The whites of her eyes showed in her terror, and he scowled fiercely. “I don’t slay unarmed women or children outside of combat,” he said. “The question was literal – what are you doing here? The Jin sect said they resettled the remnants of the sects somewhere they wouldn’t make trouble.”

Wen Qing pressed her lips together, then couldn’t help herself and snarled, “If you call hard labor camps where everyone dies ‘resettled’ – they took away my baby brother! They took me to another city, I didn’t want to leave him, but I didn’t have a choice and when I returned…my brother’s as soft as yours – they’re going to kill him!”

Nie Mingjue’s scowl deepened, and his eyes flickered over to Nie Huaisang, the words ‘hard labor’ clearly ringing through his mind and struggling with his deep and abiding hatred for the Wen sect, the memories of Nie Huaisang being snatched away from him and sent to an indoctrination camp to be used as live bait. The very reminder of it made his face black in anger. 

Nie Huaisang looked between the two of them and covered his face with a fan. “Dage,” he said, and his voice helped break through the haze of anger. “Maybe we should – check?”

It’s not like we trust the Jins, given the way they want to be the next Wens, he meant, and maybe there’s a little bit of Isn’t our sect’s guiding principle to stamp out evil wherever it’s encountered, human or not?

2

“Sect Leader Nie, I demand an explanation!” Jin Guangshan shouted. “You cannot barge into my territory, threaten my sect’s disciples, take away the prisoners won at war –”

“I’m not so blind as to tell the difference between captivity and torture unto death,” Nie Mingjue snarled in return, not even slightly moved. “Not only did I take the prisoners from Qiongqi Path, I demand you turn over every other one you have, no matter where –”

“Those were legitimately captured prisoners of war! We took them instead of spoils –”

“If the allocation of every penny matters so much to you, you may have the spoils seized by my Nie sect in exchange,” Nie Mingjue said, flicking his sleeve disdainfully. It couldn’t be more obvious what his implication was: that the Jin sect, despite all its riches, cared more for money than for honor.

Jin Guangshan’s eyes narrowed. “It’s most unlike you to get up in arms defending Wens, Sect Leader Nie; wasn’t it just yesterday that you called them all Wen-dogs and sought their utter destruction?”

Nie Mingjue sneered at him, but he continued, oily smile spreading on his face like a stain, “It couldn’t be that Sect Leader Nie has changed his implacable mind so quickly – perhaps it is the pressure of war on a man so young…you should take care for your health, make sure you’re not being unduly confused. People in your family die so very young, after all.”

“Enough nonsense,” Nie Mingjue said, eyes very nearly red in anger. “If my mind is so unclear, why did you choose to follow me during battle? When Wen Ruohan threatened, you dithered and delayed, and when there was no other choice but war, my blade was strong enough for you to hide behind, but when we have peace you rush to the front to claim a position that shouldn’t even exist – no one should be Chief Cultivator, Sect Leader Jin, no sect placing themselves and their own interests above another’s! But if the alternative is you, perhaps I should strive for it after all!”

3

“Is your brother actually going to try to be Chief Cultivator?” Wen Ning asked Nie Huaisang shyly; he was the only Wen currently inside the Unclean Realm, on account of needing heal his injuries. The remainder were all living in a small valley not far away where Nie sect cultivators kept a close watch.

Nie Mingjue hated injustice above all else, even Wens, but only by the smallest margin; in their new homes they were given food and water and medicine, but not freedom. Too many cultivators, male or female, had hidden themselves among the helpless to launch sneak attacks and assassinations; even children could carry a knife and swear to avenge their fallen parents.

Those like Wen Qing were watched most of all – she led one of the Supervision Offices that everyone had so hated, and she did nothing to stop them; she was indifferent to evil, and to Nie Mingjue that was very nearly the same as evil. It was only that the war had been officially ended that held back his hand; if they had still been at war, he would have executed her without so much as blinking an eye.

Still, Wen Qing had told Wen Ning that she was pleased with their current situation. A true prisoner of war camp, however strict, meant that they would be kept safe from all those who sought personal revenge, and Wen Ning couldn’t help but agree that the trade was worthwhile. The Jin had all but sold opportunities to those who wanted to get in a kick at their fallen bodies, just to say they’d been involved in the Sunshot Campaign; the Nie sect had those types of people, too, glaring and hateful, but the Sect Leader’s military discipline made them too afraid to do anything more than raise angry voices – and what were angry voices, compared to angry hands?

After all, if they’d come even a few shichen later – if Nie Mingjue hadn’t already known where the Wens were being kept, due to his position as sect leader, and been able to fly there on his sword at full speed – it would have been too late for him. Wen Ning didn’t even recall exactly what had happened, but two of them had been beating him and the chief inspector hadn’t stopped them, only told them to be sure to throw his body over the cliff when they were done with him…

“No, of course not,” Nie Huaisang said, pretending to be busy by his side. He had no skill at medicine, but it was a way to spend his time that his brother approved of and wouldn’t interrupt, so he came as often as he could. “He hates the idea, thinks it’s rotten to the core – like we’re all a bunch of sheep, needing a shepherd. No, he’s just saying it to annoy and distract Jin Guangshan. Besides, imagine if they made the position inheritable; that would make me the next one, and wouldn’t that be terrible for everyone?”

4

“The children young enough not to remember may join the Nie sect as guest disciples, if they wish,” Nie Mingjue said, his tone brooking no argument. “The adults will remain as they are.”

Wen Qing crossed her arms. “There aren’t many cultivators left among us, and it’s fine for all of those - they’d be happy to take up a life farming,” she said. “But those of us who are already on the path of cultivation should not be stymied –”

“You mean your brother, Wen Ning.” Nie Mingjue had some natural sympathy for her position, due to having his own weak-willed younger brother, but not very much. “No. In the end, he’s a Wen; we will not raise snakes to bite us later.”

“What wrong can you put on my brother’s shoulders beyond his surname?” she challenged. “What evil does he have?”

“Indifference to evil –”

“He was hardly indifferent!” she snapped, pushed beyond her limits. “I told him to do nothing, me, and yet he wouldn’t listen, time and time again. He kept Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng hidden after the destruction of the Lotus Pier, smuggled the latter out, even carried him out on his own back, and if that wasn’t enough, he collected what he could of the Jiang masters’ ashes for them – later, when Wei Wuxian asked me for help, he even –!”

She suddenly seemed to realize she’d said too much and shut her mouth.

Nie Mingjue looked at her thoughtfully. “You’ve already said this much,” he said. “There’s no point in stopping now. What did Wei Wuxian ask you to do?”

5

“Shh, don’t tell anyone I’m here,” Nie Huaisang said, gesturing for Wen Ning to join him in the closet where he was hiding.

Wen Ning, still a little uncomfortable in his new Nie robes, confusedly obeyed, even though he was still sweating from saber practice – he’d had to start over, alongside the children, but to his surprise he’d found that the straightforward brutality of the saber suited some secret resentful part hidden inside of him that wanted nothing more than to chop up everything he saw. “W-what’s going on? Why are we h-hiding? We’re in the Unclean Realm. What can harm us here?”

“Feelings,” Nie Huaisang said. “They’re the worst. My poor brother has to sit out there and listen to it directly, too – the burdens of being Sect Leader. I’m glad it’s not me.”

Wen Ning blinked. “Oh,” he said. “Are Wei-gongzi and Jiang-gongzi still fighting?”

“No, they’ve moved on to crying.”

“They were crying while they were fighting.”

“Yes, well, now they’ve moved to the just crying stage. There’s been lots of hugging, too; they stop for half a breath and then set each other off again, it’s awful. Can’t they be all manly and stoic like we Nie?”

Wen Ning gave Nie Huaisang a doubtful look.

“Well, me excluded, of course,” Nie Huaisang said with a laugh and a wave of his hand. “And anyway, even I only like crying when it’s going to get me something. Or out of something!”

Wen Ning suddenly felt as if he understood much more about his new Sect Leader’s endless frustrations with his younger brother. “But why are you hiding?” he asked.  

“I have a reputation of avoiding work to maintain,” Nie Huaisang said, totally puzzlingly, but a few moments later there was a knock at the closet door.

“Huaisang, I know you’re in there. Get out of there and have an emergency,” Sect Leader Nie said. “Anything, as long as it requires my personal attention, and have it happen as soon as their sister, the young madam Jin, arrives – that’ll just set them all off again, especially as she’s pregnant.” A pause. “Do you think I can order Wen Qing to handle this as part of the terms of her parole?”

[acahope311]

Silver Lining

Sleepover Request

luna-xial said: So so so I see you have requests open due to your sleepover (also Ohmygosh congratulations!!) and I was wanting to ask if you could do something with Kili for the fluff prompt list, #3??? ❤️❤️ (if not that’s okay, I just wanted to request something because your writing is so good 🥺❤️) (“(She/he/they) don’t compare to you. No one does.”)

A/N Wow! This one is a doozy. I loved writing this, Kili has always been one of my favorite characters, and the prompt lead to so many directions but I chose to do one where angst was not an option🥺 Thank you so much for sending this in @luna-xial and participating in the sleepover 🥰

*I wanted to thank @guardianofrivendell for double-checking my writing and making sure I knew the difference between "pinning" and "pining" LMFAO!*

Warnings: none? I guess self-doubt?

Erebor was bustling. What once was a dormant and abandoned mountain, a reminder of dwarven greed, now symbolized second chances, wealth, and life. Dwarves from the Blue Mountains were flocking to the mountain, some were those who never thought they would live to see the Lonely Mountain rise from the horizon, the rest were ambitious young dwarrows hoping to start anew. Men were also moving back to Dale, revitalizing the growing community in the shadow of the great mountain- of course, King Bard and his family oversaw the restoration of the city and personally welcomed the new arrivals. Whilst similarly in Erebor, Thorin himself rolled up his sleeves and took to reconstructing the home of his forefathers- his Company by his side. Which were quite a sight to see as thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, and a woman all lifted, chiseled, and swept away rubble, ash, and dirt. Little by little, the fruits of labor began to show and soon the rock-hewn walls seemed to sing the history of the mountain and once the mountain was unearthed, the new dwarves were settled in. You found you had more time to explore the mountain. The grand stone walls of Erebor encased your miniature frame. Funny enough, being a human woman you were head and shoulders taller than most dwarves, but the walls and statues made you shrink. As you quietly made your way through the halls, you’d occasionally run into a group of dwarrow, warm pleasantries were exchanged and small talk was exchanged. Once the mountain was more established and a trade agreement was founded, Thorin had appointed you as a live-in ambassador to Dale and Mirkwood, much to his chagrin. At first living in the mountain had a rocky start, Durin’s folk were always wary of strangers- especially from another race, but once you had proven yourself time and time again, you were welcomed with open arms. However, some still were reluctant to see you as an ally, making it a point to sometimes emphasize your foreignness. Yet you never held it against them but had always put it up to jealousy, for not only were you the woman who accompanied and aided in the quest to reclaim the Lonely Mountain alongside Thorin Oakenshield, but you were very close to the Durin princes-- especially Kili. From the moment you and Kili met, the Company knew you were both trouble. Being both the youngest in the group meant mischief that even Fili had to take a step back to make sure you two were not in over your heads. At first, it was all fun and games, but somewhere along the line, you realized that he meant so much more to you than a friend; you loved him. You’d carried this torch with you throughout the whole quest and although you’d hoped it would extinguish, his sunlight smiles, friendly touches, and adoring eyes fanned the flames of your feelings- it didn’t help that he would always make time to end every night in conversation with you. As time went on, even Fili could see your pining and couldn’t help but smile fondly knowing that you and his brother held mutual feelings but were just too blinded by their infatuation for each other to realize the truth.

One day, at the training grounds when you and Fili were free from your duties, the golden prince set his plan into action. As he stood by the side, he seemed to be lost in thought- reliving an earlier conversation he had with his brother.

“Fi, what do I do?” Kili wailed, sitting in front of his brother as he patiently waited for him to comb his hair. Fili sighed, he knew that wail very well.

“Whatever do you mean, brother dear?” He said teasingly while pulling on a particularly tough knot. Resisting the tugs, Kili began to rant.

“You know what I mean. What do I do about y/n? I want to start the courting process, even Uncle thinks it’s a good idea, but I am so lost… I don’t even know if she returns my feelings.” Kili’s head droops a little at the thought of you not loving him the same way. Fili chuckles at his expense, the sound causing Kili to huff in faux indignation. “I’m glad you’re having a good laugh at my expense brother.”

“Forgive me nadad, but that is such a crazy notion. She loves you, I can see it in the way she lights up when you’re in the room, did you know that?” He says as he continues to untangle the knots in his raven hair.

“Truly?” Kili asks with a little more pep in his tone.

“Truly. You’d think Mahal himself walked into the room with the way her eyes brighten.” Fili smiles as he remembers how in an earlier discussion between you and him, your whole demeanor changed the moment his brother came into the room- like a plant being watered after a drought.

“Do not doubt, brother. She loves you fiercely.” With a reassuring pat on Kili’s shoulder, Fili stands and prepares himself for the day.

“But for Mahal’s sake, fix your hair. I’m sure even she wouldn’t want a prince with a rat’s nest for hair. Amad will shave you if you keep that up!” Fili said as he saw Kili ruffle his hard work.

“I know that! But I also know she’ll love me if I am as smooth as a newborn bairn. She said she loved my hair once on the quest, just before we all fell asleep.” He swooned at the memory. “You don’t understand Fi. I think she is the one, MY One. And I want to do right by her.” Kili’s eyes shone with determination. Speechless, Fili stares at his brother. Then laughs a hearty laugh, confusing Kili.

“What’s so funny?!” He asks, a bit embarrassed. Fili wipes the tears away as he controls his breathing.

“Nothing bad, it’s just that�� You truly can find the good in anything! It wasn’t but a moment ago that you were wailing about her not loving you and now you’re declaring her your One.” Fili explains, again brushing his little brother’s hair.

“Oh… Brother, I only do that because of her. She always sees the positive side of everything- and I want to be like that to her. But I can’t do this on my own. Will you help me?” Kili asks timidly. Fili stops and looks directly at him,

“Of course.”

The sound of wood splintering brings Fili back to the present. You ended up breaking the wooden pole and looking sheepishly at him. Sighing fondly, he helps you find a replacement. Once a new one has taken its place, you resume your training while Fili observes.

“You know.” Fili inquired, breaking the silence. “You seem to be so skilled with the sword. Have you tried other weapons?” As you attack a wooden post, the question causes you to pause mid-swing. Pondering this, a small flush creeps onto your face. Suddenly shy, you look down.

“I have been wanting to learn how to shoot a bow…” You whisper as a certain dark-haired prince’s visage of letting loose a quiver of arrows flash in your mind. “I’d always admired how Kili could so quickly nock an arrow and aim with such precision in such a short amount of time. All with a smile, did you know that? That cheeky cub.” You said smiling unknowingly.

Fili smirked. “Now, why would you want to learn how to use a bow, y/n?” he asks- already knowing the answer. As you squirm uncomfortably under his questioning, the silence stretches out. After what seems to be a lifetime, you look up and answer with a determined gleam in your eye.

“Because I want to impress Kili.” You say softly, but resolutely. The answer stuns Fili into silence. After a heartbeat of silence, you continue.

“I know I am not of royal or noble descent. Nor am I rich- I’m not even a dwarf! But I do truly love your brother. I cannot offer much but I would like to start by offering the time to get to better understand his favorite weapon.” You pause, unsure whether you should continue, but you push on. “From what I understand, weaponry and skills are an important part of dwarven courtship, and I would like to take that chance… I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your brother is worth that chance-- and if nothing comes from it, I at least can say that I tried. ” A loving look passes your face, reminding him of the times you all sat around the fire and listened to his brother’s stories- already he knew you had fallen hard. ‘She always sees the positive side of everything’, Kili’s voice resonates in his mind.

“But I am still a novice in this… So I may need your help?” You conclude, less confident than what you meant. Exhaling in relief, Fili smiles and turns around. At first, you are worried that you’d insulted him, but when he returns promptly with a bow and a quiver of arrows, your face breaks into a grin.

“I’d gladly teach you,” Fili says proudly as he hitches his belt. You nod and reach for the bow, but at the last minute, he pulls away.

“But I can think of a better teacher, right brother?” A chuckle resonates from the sidelines behind you. Turning around, you see Kili walking towards you, smiling. He reaches for the bow and arrows from Fili and knocks foreheads softly.

“Thank you.” Fili pulls away and nods, as he moves to the exit he passes by you and winks.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Silently, the golden prince leaves the training area- leaving you alone with Kili. Turning to him, you can't help but notice your heartbeat so fast that you're sure he can hear it. The silence grows as you both stare at each other until he clears his throat

"I know Fili may have said that I'd be a better teacher, but I will be honest… I don't think I am." He confesses as he subconsciously nocks an arrow and pierces the wooden post.

"I learned by example, but I will teach you everything I know and by the end of the day, you'd be the best archer in all of Erebor." He says sweetly. "Well… second best. After me of course." Correcting himself. You gasp at his cheekiness and punch his shoulder playfully.

"Alright, alright. Let's get this lesson started."

Several hours passed, and so had several arrows yet not one hit the target. You were out of breath, your arms shaking so much you could barely lift the bow. Kili looked over you, took in the sight of your sweaty form and shaking arms. He sat on the ground with a thump- the sound surprising you.

"Kili? Are you alright?" You asked worriedly, kneeling down next to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, not looking at you. Confused, you take his hand into yours and begin to rub his arm comfortingly.

"What do you mean? No need to apologize, you're a great teacher- I'm just a bad student hahaha!" You joke. However, Kili shakes his head.

"No, I'm a better teacher than this, it's just that I am distracted…" he admits, further confusing you. Kili continues, "I heard what you said with Fili." Shocked, you ask, "How much did you hear…?" You look down, unable to meet his eyes.

"All of it." Your shoulders droop in dismay. Ashamed, you begin to pull away, but his grip tightens.

"You don't need to be anything for me, y/n. I don't need a princess nor do I need a lady- I just need you." Kili's confession snaps your eyes to his.

"You don't mean that." You respond, barely a whisper. Your eyes fall on your lap once again, but Kili tilts your chin up so your eyes stare into his deep brown eyes.

"I do, amrâlimê. With every ounce of my being." He smiles the smile that can make even the darkest nights seem like morning. Still, clouds of doubt linger.

"I came from nothing, Kili… You are a prince, there are so many other dwarrowdams, clothed and draped with gems and gold- I cannot compare to that. You deserve-" Suddenly you're pulled forward and silenced as his lips meet yours. At first, Kili seems hesitant, giving you enough time to pull away, but to his relief, you begin to kiss him back. Your hand reaches up and caresses his cheek, while his free hand pulls you in closer, deepening the kiss. For a moment, the clouds break and all thoughts of doubt leave your mind, replaced by a feeling of wholeness-- as though you had found a half you'd never known you'd lost. Reluctantly, however, you both pull away to breathe but bring your foreheads together, basking in each other's presence- time begins to move again.

"My heart belongs to no one except to you, y/n. You are my One and I love you. Don't worry about them; they cannot compare to you. No one can." He breathes, cupping your face in both his hands. Unbeknownst to you, tears trail down your eyes.

"But-" He kisses you again, softly. Brushing away any second thoughts you'd have.

"No buts. Do you know why they don't compare? It's because, in the end, I know they will only want me for my title and gold. But you?" He wipes your tears away and smiles lovingly at you. "You love me for me. You'd seen me at my highs and lows. Moreover, you always show me the bright side of everything, ghivashel. They can keep their gems and golden gowns. For you are my silver lining." With that, Kili pulls you into a tight hug and all you can do is smile as the clouds of doubt break. Assuring you that come what may, no matter what clouds your thoughts, Kili's love for you is true, and will always show you the bright side- he is your silver lining.

[wisteriashouse]

desire.

pairing: rengoku kyoujurou x reader

genre: fluff, slight nsfw

word count: 4811

This demon is unlike any other that you’ve faced before.

“Kyoujurou, pressure the left flank and drive it towards the middle! We’ll corner it with a pincer attack!” You call out as you leap through the treetops, relying on the meagre light of the half moon to see where you’re putting your feet. Beneath you on the ground, Kyoujurou calls his affirmation, keeping tight on the demon’s tail. “Remember to keep an eye out for his Blood Demon Art!”

It’s the first time either of you have seen a Blood Demon Art like this one. Instead of the usual ability to hurt or deal damage in the most unexpected ways possible, this demon’s ability makes you deeply besotted with the first thing you lay eyes on. The spell had not been limited to animate creatures, and both you and Kyoujurou had solemnly promised to never speak of this night ever again.

After a while, however, you and Kyoujurou had gotten much better at avoiding the bright pink smoke that the demon released — although the spell was potent, it was short lived. Darting forward, you leap down from the trees as Kyoujurou thrusts forward with his blade, forcing the demon to jump out of reach and right into your path.

With a shout, you grip your sword tight and swing. “Breath of Snow, First Form, Snowflake Slash!”

The demon, unable to dodge your attack, screams as your blade cuts through his neck as easily as slicing running water. In that moment, familiar fuchsia clouds erupt from his body, enveloping you in them completely. You gasp in surprise, throwing your hand over your mouth, and leap away urgently to avoid breathing it in, but you’re a little too late. A few meters away, you can hear Kyoujurou calling for you, panicked.

You stumble towards his voice and out of the dissipating smoke, feeling a little lightheaded. “I’m fine.” You reassure Kyoujurou the second he dashes over to you, concern written all over his face. “I just didn’t expect the demon to make a last ditch effort like that, so I was taken by surprise. I won’t let that happen again.”

Kyoujurou waves the remainder of the pink smoke away from your face before glancing behind you. “It seems that the demon has been slain indeed!” The body has already started to disintegrate into ash. He turns back to you, carefully looking over your form for any injuries. “Are you sure that you are alright? You must have inhaled a lot of the smoke just now. Do you feel anything off?”

A little confused as well, you simply shrug. You had expected yourself to have already been trying to kiss the life out of a rock on the ground, or perhaps be in a passionate embrace with a tree. “Maybe it’s because I’ve already slayed the demon that its spell has no effect? I’m just a little hot and sweaty from the battle and I really want a shower...” You clap Kyoujurou on the shoulder lightly with a reassuring smile before sheathing your sword. “Come on, our work here is done. Let’s head back to the town for the night.”

He nods, but then fixes his gaze sternly on you. “If you feel anything strange, tell me immediately!” His golden eyes are filled with worry for you, and warmth blossoms in your chest in response. “Understood?”

You hum in agreement. “Of course.”

As if the two of you had already used up all the luck you had on defeating that demon, the first inn both of you had come across only had one available room. Too exhausted from the fight earlier to search for another inn, you haul Kyoujurou with you to your designated room, good naturedly ignoring the man’s protests that you should get the room. 

“You can sleep over there, and I’ll sleep over here.” You tell the Flame Pillar after pushing him into the room with you. He stands rigidly in the doorway, still hesitant, and you laugh at the conflicted expression on his face. “Come on, Kyoujurou. It’s the middle of the night and the two of us need to set off early tomorrow morning, so we should get as much rest as possible.”

“Yes, but it is not proper for me to sleep in the same room as you!” Kyoujurou tries to protest, looking at you helplessly. “I could sleep outside while you take the room, and-” You put one hand over his mouth, cutting off his words.

“As if I’d allow you to sleep outside when we have two perfectly good futons in the room.” You scold as he looks down at you seriously, golden eyes bright even in the dim light of the room. “Really, Kyoujurou, you’re so sweet and honorable that it’s a little annoying. You’re a man of principle and a precious friend. I’d trust my life with you, Kyo.”

You feel Kyoujurou swallow under your palm at the weight of your words before he reaches up to pull your hand away from his mouth. His gaze doesn’t leave yours. “Then I will not break the trust you have in me.” He says earnestly, squeezing your hand. Satisfied with his acceptance, you smile at him and hold out your hand playfully. “So, janken to decide who gets to shower first?”

Kyoujurou pulls a rock, while you put out a paper. You suspect he lost on purpose, but he admits nothing with that unflappable smile of his, shooing you to head to the baths first while he lays out the futons for both of you. 

As you gather the robes the inn has provided you, you fan yourself with one hand, staring out of the window in confusion.

Why is tonight so unbearably warm?

>>>

Kyoujurou is stirred awake in the middle of the night.

“Kyoujurou...” The voice calling out to him is familiar and yet not, so desperate it almost sounds like a whimper. He briefly wonders if it’s a dream, because the owner of this voice would never speak to him in this manner. His arm is shaken again, more insistent. “Kyoujurou, please wake up, I need your help.”

The second time his name is called, it’s undeniable: it’s your voice.

And you need him to be awake right now.

He’s reaching for the sword lying next to his bedding before his eyes even fully open, sitting upright and searching for you. “What happened?” He asks urgently, turning to look at you... and the sight that he’s greeted with has his heart seizing up in his chest.

You’re curled up in a ball next to his bed, shivering uncontrollably, soft pants leaving your mouth. Panic floods through him at the state you’re in, and in an instant he’s by your side, dropping his sword onto the bedding. “What’s wrong?” He brushes your hair from your face as gently as he can, and is shocked to feel your forehead damp with cold sweat. A cold? A fever, perhaps? It must have been serious enough that you couldn’t make it over to his bed on your own two feet. “Are you feeling unwell? What do you need?”

A little whimper leaves you, and the sound tugs at his heartstrings. Heart pounding in his chest, Kyoujurou quickly moves to slip his arms under your body to lift you onto his bedding, before he rushes to pull on his haori. It’s clearly an emergency. “Just wait here,” he says urgently, “I’ll find a doctor and get back to you immediately-”

His eyes finally adjust completely to the dark, and whatever words he’d been about to say die in his throat, replaced by a choked intake of breath.

Your fingers are buried under the hem of your sleeping robes, your hips rocking against your palm as a stream of needy whines escape you. It’s his name, Kyoujurou realises, mind blank as he stares at the wanton expression on your face, unable to look away. You’re touching yourself as you moan his name.

“T-the demon’s... ability!” You manage to get out, between tiny, hiccupping moans and a pained whimper that sends the blood right to his groin. “I woke up and I felt like my body was burning... I tried everything I could do to get off, but nothing works!”

Kyoujurou swallows the small lake in his mouth before he forces himself to move, dropping to his knees next and averting his gaze to look away from the sinful noises your hands are making. There are tears gathering in the corners of your eyes, and he tries to ignore the heat pooling in his own belly. Focus. He chides himself sharply. You’re suffering the effects of that demon’s spell, and he’s the only one who can help you. Focus!

“What do you need me to do?” He tries to keep his voice steady even as you let out a little cry of desperation, clearly unable to find the satisfaction you need even as you grind against your own hand. “Some water? A doctor?”

“No, I need you to touch me, Kyoujurou,” you force yourself onto your hands and knees, and in the next second Kyoujurou finds you in his lap, your mouth on his neck, sucking and biting frantically. A sharp groan escapes him when your teeth tug at the skin of his collarbone, his hands coming up on instinct to steady you as you squirm in his lap. He can feel you soaking through the cloth of his robes. “Kyoujurou, please, touch me, kiss me, anything...”

“Wait-” He tries to say, but then your mouth is on his, hot and wet and his mind goes blank. All he knows is the intoxicating scent of you that surrounds him, more potent than the demon’s spell, and the heat of your mouth as your tongue slips into his mouth, stroking his and begging him to play along. A shudder runs through his entire body. “Wait, you cannot-”

“I’m begging you, Kyoujurou, I need you!” A frustrated sob leaves your mouth and you grind yourself against the firmness of his thigh, your entire body shaking like a leaf above him in want. He’s painfully hard and you’re utterly relentless, not giving him a single moment to breathe. “Please, I’ll do anything, just touch me!”

His breath lodges in his throat. “I-”

Clearly too impatient to wait for him to actually do something, you push him down so that he’s sprawled over the bedding before your mouth drags down the exposed skin of his chest, your fingers slipping down to his groin and squeezing. A trembling moan escapes him as pleasure flares through him like a red hot flame, burning and licking at every nerve ending in his body. He can’t find it in him to push you away.

Instead of you, Kyoujurou feels like it was he who was struck by the demon’s spell.

“Kyo...” You beg, pressing kisses all over his cheeks and forehead, and his heart stutters alarmingly at the intimate nickname that only you call him by. “Take me, please. That’s all I need. I need you in me.”

“Please, you need to stop-” He tries to focus, but then you’re rocking against him and he lets out a choked moan of your name as he trembles beneath you, trying to keep his hips from bucking up into yours with sheer self will. His breath falters into short, heaving pants, head spinning, and he’s losing himself, pulled closer and closer to the edge. No, no, no-

I’d trust my life with you, Kyo.

Your words from earlier hit him like a punch in the gut, ice in his veins. He’s never felt so ashamed of himself.

Right. You trust him. You trust him with your life. And he’d promised never to break it, not now, not ever.

You pull his fingers into the wet heat of your mouth, sucking desperately on them and Kyoujurou nearly whimpers at the feeling. Why did it have to be you? He wonders, heart pounding in his chest. Anyone but you, he would have easily been able to push away. It was you, only you-

You bite down on the pad on his finger, and Kyoujurou snaps.

In the blink of an eye, he’s the one of top, one of his hands pinning yours above your head. You’re taken by surprise, looking up at him with wide eyes filled to the brim with desire, your chest heaving beneath him. “Yes, Kyoujurou.” You pant, legs winding around his hips to draw him closer to you. “Come on, just take me already-”

“This isn’t what you want.” Kyoujurou breathes, more to himself than to you. You whine beneath him in protest, but he forces himself to turn his ears from your breathless pleas. “I won’t allow myself to do anything to you when you’re in this state of mind.”

He reaches for the belt lying on top of his uniform, looping them once around your wrists and tying them tight. Realising what he’s going to do, you panic and begin to thrash about in his grasp, sobbing his name desperately.

“The demon’s spell should wear off in a while.” Kyoujurou murmurs, wrapping you so tightly in his bedding that you can’t move an inch. The cry of distress leaves you pierces Kyoujurou all the way to his heart.

He leans over, brushing the hair from your eyes with a shaking hand. “I’m sorry, darling.” Letting himself be weak in one regard, he bends down to drop a gentle kiss on your sweat soaked brow. “But the one I don’t trust around you is myself.”

With that, he grabs his sword and flees the room, never turning back.

>>>

If there is a hole, you want to bury yourself in it and never see the light ever again.

The lust induced haze that had clouded your mind the night before had lasted throughout the night, only dissipating in the face of the sun’s morning rays to leave you utterly mortified at what you’d done. Briefly, you wish that the spell hadn’t worn off so that you wouldn’t have to feel this embarrassment.

Kyoujurou had entered the room only after the sun had risen, his usual confident gaze averted as he undid your trappings, both of you too awkward to look at each other in the eyes. As he frees you, you can see the dark shadows under his eyes - had he been awake the entire night?

Kyoujurou had, in fact, been awake the entire night, ears plugged with scraps of fabric as he kept watch outside your room in case any stranger got too close to your room.

“Are you...” Kyoujurou begins hesitantly as he wipes your face with a damp towel. “Are you... alright?”

You nod without a word, eyes firmly fixed on your toes, unable to look at your friend. How do you apologise? How do you say sorry for making things so awkward? You had practically tried to force yourself on him last night, and gods bless him, he had resisted you as if you were the Muzan himself trying to corrupt him, which wasn’t too far from the truth.

“That’s... relieving to hear.” You can hear the strain in Kyoujurou’s voice, and then he’s rising to his feet, moving quickly towards the door. He’s already dressed in his uniform and haori, his sword hanging from his hip. “When you feel well enough to move, you can head to the tavern below for breakfast. I’ve asked the innkeeper to make you porridge that’s nourishing and easy on the stomach. You should take it easy today since you’ve had a rough night yesterday. I’ll be going first.”

Panic floods through you; you haven’t apologised yet, and that strange air is still hanging between the two of you like a thick smog. You hate it. “Kyoujurou, wait-” You try to say, but before you can continue your sentence, he’s already gone.

Feeling utterly rejected, you sit there on the bedding, fingers twisting into the sheets anxiously.

He doesn’t hate you, does he?

The next time the two of you do meet, it’s at the semi-annual Pillar meeting.

About a month has passed since the ‘incident’, and while you would usually use this time as a opportunity to catch up with Kyoujurou, excitedly chatting with him about all the things that you’ve done over the past months, this meeting is different.

Kyoujurou won’t even meet your eyes.

You spent the entire meeting lost in your thoughts, not unlike Muichirou but perhaps several times more anxious. Even Sanemi pointed out your inattentiveness with a scowl and you tossed a rock at him, leading to both of you snapping at each other like squabbling kittens until Oyakata-sama had raised a finger to his lips to shut the two of you up.

After the meeting, the rest of the Pillars had dispersed to their own business, and you’d desperately tried to search for Kyoujurou. The Flame Pillar was naturally loud and quite difficult to miss with his bright hair, so the only reason to as why you couldn’t find him would be that he was avoiding you.

You felt your heart sink, anxiety twisting in the pit of your stomach.

Maybe he really hates you? Does he not want to be your friend any more?

The thought frightens you more than the prospect of fighting an Upper Moon. Forcing yourself to think, you rush to the Rengoku Estate as quickly as possible, searching for your friend.

The moment you reach the Estate, Senjurou sees you at the gates and his eyes immediately light up like miniature twin suns. “You’re here!” He calls delightedly, dropping his broom and rushing over to tackle you in a hug. “Older Brother came home earlier without you, so I was wondering where you were! You still haven’t taught me how to make sweet potato wedges for Brother to eat!”

You smile at Senjurou, patting his hair down gently. “No rush.” You try to say as calmly as possible even as your heart races. He’s here. “Before that, could you tell me where your brother is first? I need to talk to him about something.”

Senjurou might not have any talent as a Demon Slayer, but he is extraordinarily perceptive when it comes to emotions. His eyes widen in worry. “Did you and Brother have a fight? Is that why he came home without you today?”

You swallow.

“No, not a fight. It’s difficult to explain.” You say hesitantly as you squat in front of Senjuro, so that the two of you can talk eye to eye. “Something awkward happened between the two of us, and I’m not sure if he still wants to be friends anymore.” Senjurou looks at you in concern, before he reaches over to pat your hair, trying to comfort you.

“I’m sure Brother will want to make up with you.” Senjurou reassures you earnestly. “I mean, Brother loves you! He talks about you all the time, and he always looks so happy when he does. He’ll definitely still want to be your friend! If he doesn’t...” Senjurou’s voice trembles. “If he doesn’t, I’ll not make him roasted sweet potatoes anymore!”

A small laugh escapes you at that and you kiss the crown of Senjurou’s head lightly. “Thank you, Sen, but Kyoujurou might actually die without your roasted sweet potatoes.” Feeling a little better, you glance about the Estate. “Then, could you tell me where he is? I’ll talk to him right now.”

“He’s in his room.” Senjurou pulls you to your feet and pushes you in the direction of the residences. “Hurry! And good luck!”

Giving Senjurou a hasty wave, you leap over the rooftops to Kyoujurou’s room, landing lightly on the engawa outside, so familiar that you recognise the pattern of the woodgrain beneath your feet. Kyoujurou and you had spent so many days here at the Rengoku Estate before both of you became Pillars, training together in the summer, drinking tea in the spring, roasting sweet potatoes in a pile of leaves in autumn and making snow angels in the winter. All those memories are the foundation of your relationship with Kyoujurou, and the more you think about them, the more terrified you are that you’ll lose your best friend.

Hesitantly, you knock on the washi sliding screen.

“Kyo?” You call, fingers twisting in the hem of your haori. “Can we... can we talk?”

“Ahh, y/n, is that you?” His voice is energetic and bright as usual, but it sounds stiff; this isn’t the tone he usually adopts when he speaks to you. “I’m sorry that you had to come all the way over here, but I’m feeling rather tired today. Can we speak another time?”

His words drive a dagger straight into your heart. Does he really not want anything to do with you anymore?

Before you know it, a tear has escaped your eye, followed by another. More and more fall as you try to wipe them away desperately, trying your best to steady your voice. “O-okay.” You manage to get out, a little hiccup escaping you as you turn around to leave, but then door is suddenly flung open, and you turn around in surprise to see Kyoujurou standing there in the doorway, looking utterly panicked.

The moment he sees your wet eyes, his face goes stricken and he closes the distance between the two of you with a few quick steps, wrapping you in a familiar embrace. “Oh, no, darling, don’t cry, I-” At his words, you only cry louder, burying your face in his chest and clinging to him so tightly you’re sure you must be suffocating him. Instead of pulling you away gently, however, he presses tender, soothing kisses to the crown of your head. 

“Don’t hate me.” You wail outright into his shirt. “I’m sorry for what happened, it was all my fault. I don’t want you to hate me, Kyo.”

At your words, Kyoujurou lets out a self deprecating sigh and buries his face in your hair, one hand combing through the strands in an effort to calm you down. “I couldn’t hate you.” Kyoujurou promises quietly, and you sniff in response. “Not now, not ever. I apologise for making you feel that way. Look at me.”

You hiccup, unwilling to remove your face from his chest, and shake your head.

Kyoujurou lets out a soft exhale, pulling you tighter against his chest. You can feel his heartbeat through the fabric of his uniform.

“That night, it wasn’t your fault in the least, it was the demon’s spell.” He says firmly, trying to make sure you understand. “Instead, it was my own feelings and desires that I could not control, and I was ashamed of myself. I did not know how to apologise, hence I acted like a coward. I am truly sorry.”

That was why he’d been avoiding you the entire time? Surprised, you look up at him to see his brows furrowed, lips pressed tightly together as if he’s truly ashamed of himself. You shake your head frantically.

“You didn’t touch me of your own will, Kyoujurou.” You insist, lacing his fingers with yours and squeezing tight. “You didn’t break the trust I had in you. Kyoujurou... you’re a wonderful man. You just proved to me even more that you would never do anything to hurt me. You-”

“But I wanted to!” Kyoujurou spits out the words like they’re poison in his mouth, you stare up at him with wide eyes. “I wanted you to kiss me and touch me, and I wanted to do utterly despicable things to you as well! I’ve been dreaming about it for months, and I’ve loved you for longer! I wanted to let you do all those things in spite of knowing that you had put your trust in me, and I-”

His words are cut off when you press your finger to his mouth, so softly that it feels like the first snow against his lips. 

Your heart seems to have stilled in your chest. “Repeat that again, Kyoujurou.” You breathe. Kyoujurou goes deathly still in your arms, and you hear him swallow. His heart pounds so hard in his chest you can feel its beat against your palm.

“I love you.” He whispers, his voice almost choked with emotion. His golden eyes are fixed on you and only you. “I love you very much, to the extent it terrifies me.”

“If I were to say that I felt the same... and asked you to kiss me now,” your lips feel unbearably dry and he lets out a small groan as your tongue darts out to wet them. “What would you do?”

“Love you back even more until there is nothing left of me to give.” Kyoujurou promises breathlessly, his hands gripping yours tight. Every word that leaves him is a vow of its own, its sincerity rivalling that of his dedication to the Demon Slayers. “And kiss you until my breath runs out.”

You take a deep breath, and take another step forward, until your body is pressed entirely against his, so close the heat of his body warms yours to the tip of your toes.

“Then make good of your promise, Kyoujurou.” You breathe. “Kiss me.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. In the next second one of his hands are at the back of your head, pulling you forward gently so that his lips can meet yours, his other hand cradling your jaw as if you’re the most precious thing in the world. You raise your own hands to bury themselves in his hair, his lips sliding along yours as you kiss, your eyelids fluttering shut.

When you part your mouth slightly to flick the tip of your tongue against his lips, Kyoujurou lets out a low groan deep in his chest before his own tongue slips into your mouth, your breaths mingling as you try to press yourself as close to him as possible. You can feel yourself growing lightheaded, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away, all you can think about is how you want more, more, everything that Kyoujurou is willing to give.

Luckily for you, however, Kyoujurou notices that you’re slowly dying from asphyxiation and pulls away so that you can gasp your breath back into your lungs, a light chuckle leaving his lips as he looks over your flushed cheeks and reddened lips. 

“Beautiful.” He says, and your cheeks burn. Burying your face in his chest, Kyoujurou laughs brightly at your shyness, trying to coax you out. “Come on, let me see that face. Passion looks absolutely exquisite on you, my darling.”

You shake your head in his embrace, utterly embarrassed at his words. “How do you still look so calm?” You complain as you look up at him, and Kyoujurou chuckles. He takes one of your hands and presses it to his chest, and you can feel his heart racing under your palm. “My heart does not calm when you are near, I can promise you that.” He presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “It has been this way for years.”

The sound of something dropping makes the two of you turn your heads, and you’re shocked to see Senjurou standing at the end of the engawa with his mouth hanging open, a tray of roasted sweet potatoes at his feet. He stares at the two of you, eyes clearly taking in your flushed expression and putting two and two together.

You really need a hole to bury yourself in.

“So...” Senjuro’s voice is tiny. “I assume the two of you made up?”

“Well, yes-” You squeak out, mortified at having been caught in such a scandalous position by the child who’s looked up to you as his elder sister. You subtly try to extricate yourself from Kyoujurou’s grasp, but he only grins exuberantly at Senjurou

“More than that!” He shouts gleefully, his smile so bright its almost blinding. “We feel the same!” You let out a squeak when Kyoujurou scoops you easily into his arms, his lips dropping a flurry of affection all over your face until you’re sure all the blood is in your face. “We’re together!”

Senjurou’s eyes light up and then he’s throwing himself in for a hug, Kyoujurou laughing like he’s the happiest you’ve ever heard him in your entire life. Utterly embarrassed and too happy to say a word, you only bury your face in your hands, trying to hide the flush of your cheeks.

“I won’t break the trust you have in me.” Kyoujurou vows, his lips nuzzling into your hair. “Everything I promised, and even more than that, I’ll make good on all of them.”

You smile shyly, and kiss the tip of his nose.

“I believe you.”

[fuckyouquiznak]

Dream's past

(pretty long but this is Tumblr, am I right?)

Puffy is the captain of a pirate ship and has two children, Cornelius and Tobias (yes Dream with horns is my kink + I am not over the name Cornelius Dream used during one of Karl’s tale).

Cornelius is the elder one, around six years older than Toby, and he loves the sea and the pirate life. He is a sunny kid, always smiling and telling jokes. Everybody in the crew loves him.

He and his mother are really close. They share the same kindness and curiosity, which makes them always ready go on adventures. Cornelius also loves his little brother, Toby. They haven't a dad, so he acts very protective and defensive around him. They are an happy family.

Until one day everything changes.

***

The ship docks at a strange place. A creepy island maybe, dark and mysterious.

Cornelius is told to stay on the ship because it might be dangerous, but he is too curious to stay still. He is grown up after all, he can handle an adventure. Moreover he is sure the island is hiding a secret. A treasure? A temple? He needs to know.

When nobody is watching he sneaks out of the ship and goes exploring on his own. But then he'll eventually find something there, something wicked and scary. Maybe it is just a cage... something Cornelius is not supposed to open. But again how could he know? And there are voices... they tell him to free them... (dreamons or maybe even DreamXD?)

And you know what they say... "curiosity killed the cat". Excepts Cornelius doesn't die. As soon as he opens the cage he hears a loud and shrill scream and then everything goes black. He wakes up a little after, but nothing has changed. Or at least it seems so.

He grabs his things and quickly comes back to the ship, pretending nothing happened.

***

However after a couple of days things get worse. Now the voices keep visiting him, especially during night. And he doesn't feel alright.

His mother thinks it might be just fatigue or scurvy. But Cornelius doesn't tell her about the voices and the cage. He stays silent even when he sees a white stain growing on his hand.

It can't be that bad, can it?

***

After a week or two Cornelius is not getting better: his head spins, his heart hurts and the voices keep being louder and louder in his mind, till he passes out.

When he wakes up the ship is burning. He has a lighter in his right hand. Fire starts spreading everywhere and the crew panic, trying to stop it with water. But it doesn't work. It's too late.

Cornelius stares at this hands horrified. He doesn't remember anything. Why is he in the middle of the fire? What happened? He cannot breath and closes his eyes. "Let it be just a dream" he prays "He can't be me". His voice cracks, noticing the white stain has grown all over his arm. (imagine it like Ranboo’s left side... these two are connected)

Puffy quickly reaches him and helps him get out of the cabin. They are both burned and covered in ash. Toby cries and squirms in his mother's hands. "It'll be ok" she says culling the baby too calmly to be in a middle of a fire. "Cornelius, you two will take the lifeboat". Cornelius hesitates. "What about you?" Puffy smiles back at him, her cheeks buried in tears: "A captain never leaves her own ship, duckling.. I've got responsibilities here".

"What about us? Mom you don't have to this" he prays, his voice broken. He doesn't want to leave his mother...

But she doesn't listen.

"Take your brother away from here. Row till you find a coast, then ask for help, ok? I'll find you both eventually. I swear" Her smile is weak and tired. They both know it's a lie. They will never meet again.

Puffy gives Cornelius a compass. "Will be together again" she promises. "Do it for Toby".

Cornelius grabs his little brother and finally leaves. He doesn't have the bravery to hold his mother one last time.

(Puffy will actually survive, but she'll forget everything)

The rest is like a memory.

He manages to reach a little beach a couple of days after the accident. When they touch the ground Cornelius collapses. (Tubbo, Puffy and Dream would have scars and marks after the ship break)

***

The following months are horrifying.

It's cold and desolate where they landed. Nobody is willing to help, mainly because they're scared of Cornelius' white mark.

He can't blame them anyway. There's something wrong and scary inside him. They had found a village at some point, but Cornelius had one of his episode and burned down the place.

Toby cries all the time. He is hungry and, most of all, he misses mom.

The voices are not helping.

Cornelius can't keep him anymore. It's already difficult being alone out there. He can't... he can't let his brother live in misery like this. And what if has an episode close to him?

When they reach a wooden house in the middle of the snow (SBI house of course), Cornelius is sure it's time.

He leaves Toby out of the house, with a letter that says: "Save Toby". He has seen a woman doing that with a blonde hair baby a couple of months before (Tommy’s mother y’all).

The owners seem fine. Cornelius had watched them laughing and eating all together next to the fireplace a couple of times. He is sure they could give Toby the love and the warmth he can't provide him. He'll be safe there.

He gives the compass to Toby, just in case he'll need it one day to find him. It's hard, but it's the only choice. They can't be together.

As soon as his brother walks away, Toby starts crying louder. Cornelius does the same. For a moment he even thinks about turning around and take him back. He doesn't want to leave him: he is the only family he has left. But he is doing the right thing, he tells himself. He needs to be strong. For Toby's sake.

The first one to notice the screams is Wilbur, who jumps out of the door worried and scared. He looks at the baby on the top of the stairs and then looks directly at the tree Cornelius is hidden behind.

Philza exits a few moments later. He grabs the baby softly and he looks up to the sky where is crawls are flying. "There's someone" Wilbur whispers, pointing at the tree. Philza stops him and gives him the card. "Whoever left this baby here has a reason, Will".

Cornelius keeps crying. He wishes he could be there too. But the thing that is growing inside him... he is not sure he can handle it.

Techno is out in the forest eventually. He sees Cornelius. "Have some food, nerd", he says, before leaving him with a potato.

***

Cornelius stays close to that house anyway. At least he can keep an eye on Toby from there. He has found a nice spot, next to a cage. It's not that much, but he can't complain.

Toby is growing fast, even if his horns haven't shown up yet. Cornelius likes to watch him play outside with the other blonde kid, Tommy. They seem to get along well. He is as happy and carefree as a child his age should be.

Cornelius instead is sicker than ever. The white stain is growing on his skin day by day. His left arm, part of the chest and even his eye, now red, are surrounded by that. He doesn't know what to do. The voices keep him awake almost every night. They whisper something about "Dream".

Sometimes he wishes he could think about his mother, but the voices are louder than his thoughts. He can't remember her, nor his past life.

The stain is slowly erasing his memory. He is afraid one day he'll even forget Toby.

***

He meets Sapnap when he most needs a friend.

He hasn't talked with someone for ages (except for Techno who sometimes leave him food), so he is not sure he can remember how to do it, but with Sapnap is easy and comfortable.

He saves him from a spider.

Sapnap is scared and lost in the forest. Cornelius happens to be right next to him when the monster comes out. He grabs his sword and kills it.

"Woah, dude you saved me!" Sapnap says, jumping around. "What's your name?" Cornelius hesitates. It's been so long since someone called with his name. He can't really remember it. Was it something with a C? Maybe. Why can't he remember?

"I think it's Dream" he lies, feeling his skin burning. The other one however doesn't seem to notice it. "That's nice, mine is Sapnap! Do you live here? All alone?"

Dream nods, still unsure he should trust or not this new guy. He stays in the shadow. Sapnap smiles. "Dope! I wish I could have an house just for myself" then the smiles runs away from his face "I actually came here to do that... I got into a fight with my dad. Do you have parents?"

"I don't"

Sapnap laughs a bit. "Me neither actually.. Bad is my guardian to be honest. But he is a great guy, really. It's just... I needed space, you know?" Dream is sure he hasn't understood a word of what this kid has said. Bad? Guardian? Space?

"Not really" he answers, lighting a fire. Sapnap immediately steps back, and Dream realises he has finally seen his face. Now he'll go away too, he reckons. I'll be alone forever.

However Sapnap's smile grows bigger then ever. "Whoa that's sick" he screams "I mean in a cool way, dude. Loving your style".

Dream blushes. "I... don't really like it"

Sapnap raises his eyebrows, sighing. "Maybe my dad could fix it"

***

Bad has never been so worried in his entire life - which is a looooong life.

Sapnap wasn't in his bed this morning. He really thought he lost him for good after their last fight, but he luckily came back safe and sound.

He even made a friend.

Bad was so angry, but the happiness of holding his child again was bigger then every other feeling.

"Does it grow?" he asks, touching Dream's face. The kid nods uncomfortably. "Your left eye.. was it green before?" He nods again. "Do you have memory loss?" Dream hesitates. Bad writes something down.

"Well, Dream, I can't erase the stain. What I can do is preventing it from growing bigger. Your memory is damaged, so I can't fix it, but form now on you should remember things more clearly"

"What does that mean?"

"It means I can't give you back your memories, but you can make new ones"

Dream stares at his feet. He is sure there was someone important in his life before worth to remember.

"It'll hurt a bit"

***

"You can stay here if you want" Bad says.

The "operation" went pretty well. Bad and Sapnap offered him to stay with them as long as he wants. Dream is glad. He likes it here. It feels like... family. The voices are gone. Is he really free?

Sapnap enters the room with a big smile. "Dream, I made you something! I know you have to wear bandages everyday, because the mark is still there – Dream touches is face - so my dad and I came up with this little idea" Sapnap hands him a mask.

"It's easier to take off. I drew the smile"

Dream feels his eyes burning. No one has ever done something like that for him. A gift! "I like it. Thank you Sapnap"

“Don’t worry! That’s what friends do”

[suchalonelysunflower]

The Beginning of the After (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader

Summary: Every person has a before and an after. Now it’s Ashton’s turn to deal with the after you created.

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Probably some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 4 k

Author’s note: I missed writing for Ash so much! This fic comes with an afterthought question: Is there a bad guy in every story? Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important! They really help a lot and are more than welcome and encouraged, I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

The bitter liquor burned his throat as he swallowed the liquid like it was nothing, it felt like nothing. It was his first drink of the night and he cannot promise it would be his last. He knows he should be ashamed of himself but lately, he doesn’t even know who he is and if he would ever become the person he was again. Truth is, he doesn’t care, not anymore. Not since the day you left.

He could still remember how cold the house felt the day he came back just a little bit late. He remembers how his smile stiffened as he opened the door and couldn’t hear your laugh, or your voice, or even feel your presence anymore. He has almost forgotten how it was to live on his own, already so used to you.

His grip tightened around the glass, knuckles turning white as he felt the ice melt inside the empty glass, trying desperately to feel something other than the emptiness you left, not only at your side of the bed but also inside of him.

How could you just leave him like that? No note, no calls, no texts. It was like you were never there, to begin with.

Before he could realize it, his glass was full once again and he just stared at it. It was almost funny how he found himself in the same situation he was a few years prior, the years before you. And now, after you, he felt like the alcohol mocked him and his failure. But, did he really fail?

It was impossible to know. Not without you here, at least. But the alcohol didn’t know that, the strangers looking at him pitifully didn’t know that. They just knew that a lonely man was standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at his drink and wishing everything could just stop for a second. Maybe if the world stopped he could break down and still feel as strong instead of drowning his sorrows with past mistakes.

They didn’t allow him to break down. Not in the way he wanted at least, not in the way he needed. They were very quick to jump to conclusions, friends you once called your own now trashed your name like a bad word. Their loyalty blinded them from any common sense, seeing how much he was hurting. One thing you might have forgotten is that you hurt them too with your departure, you were their friend, after all, the only difference is that they transformed the pain into a rage, believing that some things are better to avoid than to feel.

But he couldn't have that luxury, he always said that he was cursed with feeling too much, creating a mixture of feelings that turned into nothing and everything at the same time, and right now he wished he could just turn everything off and go to sleep. Hoping that if he wished hard enough everything would be good once he woke up.

“Hey, Ash!-” Calum called over the loud music, trying to get his attention. But as soon as his eyes met the glass his friend was holding, his smile faded completely.

Ashton could feel the disappointment in his friend’s demeanor. He was disappointed in himself as well, but that was as obvious as the moon glowing at night. He knew drinking would not solve his problems or bring you back again, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was the only thing he remembers before you.

His eyes burned, unsure if it was because of the alcohol or the tears he was trying to hold back for the sake of his friend. Yet, he still managed to smile at Calum, hoping he could believe his bluff. But everyone with a pair of eyes could tell the meaningless smile on his face. His dimples stopped showing once you left and his smile barely reached his eyes anymore. He became a shell of a man he once was.

Calum’s eyes were still on the half-empty glass in Ashton’s hand “It’s my second and last” He said, but judging by the way he was holding onto the glass for dear life, that was clearly a lie.

Brown eyes meet Hazel as they have a silent conversation. Worry and pity clash with the walls Ashton created, ending with a deep sigh and a simple nod.

“There is someone I’d like you to meet,” The curly-haired man said with a smile, wrapping an arm around Ashton’s shoulders.

A small flashback appeared on his mind, he said the same thing the night he met you a few years ago. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt dizzy, removing himself from Calum’s hold.

“No.” That was all he said.

“Dude-”

“I said no, Calum” He knew he might be acting a little bit aggressive towards someone that didn’t deserve it. But he wants nothing to do with meeting new people, especially knowing that his friends were trying to set him up with another lover to try and get him to forget you.

But he was not the only one who was frustrated with the situation “You can’t keep hanging on to-”

“That’s my business, isn’t it?” Ashton said as he gulped his drink in its entirety, avoiding Calum’s eyes as he filled it up again “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing but I’m not ready. Just because you guys forgot about her like it was yesterday's news doesn’t mean I did.”

Calum was about to say something along the lines of how he hasn’t forgotten you nor forgiven you for that matter, or maybe he’d just throw another insult at the person you became once you disappeared from everyone’s lives. Ashton knew it all already, but he also knew that the truth was that Calum felt guilty over this whole situation, he was the one who introduced you to Ashton, the one who created the beginning of the aftermath. But before he could even muster the first word, Ashton was already walking away.

He pushed through the sea of strangers, not stopping to talk to any of them as he felt the urge for a little bit of fresh air. He knew Calum meant well, all of them did. But he knew the hidden meaning behind these unnecessary parties, the careless comments and light gossip on other people Ashton’s never heard of before, and the unsettling silence that it came after the sound of your name.

Ashton knew he should do it. He should just forget you and move on but things are not that easy for him. He loved you, he still does and he's not sure he should. He once told you he couldn't imagine a life without you, a life without loving you and he still can’t, even after you were the one who left. If you asked him he would say that he loves you like the first day, but the pain is something entirely different that overshadows everything that comes into his path, even the love that you once had.

He managed to get out of the house before he felt like drowning, taking a huge gasp of air as he stepped outside. A crushing weight came over him as he let the suffocating stream of tears fall down his eyes. He breathed once, twice, three times before brushing them away, he wasn’t going to break down here. He counted to ten and told himself that it will all be over once he reaches home, that he will be fine once he goes to bed, and allows himself to shut down for the day, ignoring the cold space next to him as he closes his eyes. Cause reality isn’t real once he gets to sleep, even if it meant sleeping without you by his side. Then it will be another day where he could pretend longer that he doesn’t miss you, that he is strong enough to carry the weight of your unsaid goodbye and fool his friends with laughs and jokes until they stop worrying about him.

He doesn't like pretending, but he has no other choice. His spirit is divided into letting go and holding on to his pretense, scared of both consequences. But he is not himself anymore, who was he before you? and who could he become after you? He feels like a stranger in his own mind, the only person who could bring him back was long gone and you were not coming back.

Ashton drowned the rest of his drink and stared at his watch, counting the seconds until he could finally go home without anyone being on his case.

“You still count the minutes till midnight?”

The voice came from behind him. The urge of turning around got overshadowed by the strength in which his feet stood their ground. He felt how the hair on his back started to frizz as a shiver ran down his whole body. He must’ve heard wrong…

“Ash?”

He gripped his glass with enough strength that it almost broke in his fingers. This couldn’t be happening, not right now. He never wished to be drunk as much as this moment.

He heard a few steps behind him, he couldn’t figure if they were walking away or coming closer. He needed to know. He needed closure. So he did the most foolish thing he could've done and turned around.

Ashton was sure he was seeing ghosts at that moment. His body is completely frozen despite the alcohol running down his veins. You can’t be here standing in front of him, not after all this time. What kind of prank is this one?

“Hi, Ashton,” You said, tucking your hair behind your ear, suddenly feeling small standing in front of him. He noticed that you weren't smiling but you wanted to, seeing him took a toll on you as well.

He, however, didn’t say anything, how could he? It was like you knocked all the air inside his lungs and left him speechless.

You were here, in front of him. You were wearing the sweater he bought you, wrapping your arms around yourself to protect you from the cold air of the night. Ashton would’ve given you his jacket the moment he saw you shiver, but that seemed so far away right now, almost like another life.

He hasn’t seen you in months and now you were here, and all you could say was hi?

“I wanted to talk to you,” You said, voice small as you looked into his hazel eyes, wishing you knew what was going on inside his head. Did he want you to leave? Would he talk to you? Does he hate you as much as you hate yourself?

Ashton closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that this was all a dream, but when he opened them back you were still there, standing like a deer caught in the headlights. The muffled sound of music was long gone as the only thing he could hear was the beating of his heart, pounding so rapidly he thought it might stop.

“Ash?”

“Now you want to talk?”

His voice sounded harsher than he intended, he noticed by the way you flinched at his words. He would apologize but he didn’t know how “You left me six months ago without a word and now you want to talk?”

All his feelings melted together in a wave of unprompted anger. He wasn’t ready to see you tonight, and now you cornered him wanting to talk, something you refused to do the night you broke him. The irony of it all almost made him laugh.

“I-” You stuttered but he didn’t let you finish.

“Six months ago I came to find an empty home. You are not there, your stuff, your clothes, your fucking toothbrush! All gone! And not a single explanation” All the feelings he bottled up were surfacing now. He didn’t care if he was yelling, he didn’t care that you started crying, he didn’t care that he started crying. This was too much. This was not fair.

“Do you know- Can you even imagine how scared I was? Especially after you didn’t pick up the phone for hours, for days! I-I didn’t know if you were okay I-I thought something happened to you and then I get a call from one of your fucking friends telling me not to contact you anymore?! Do you realize how horrible that was? How excruciatingly painful it was to hear those words from a stranger?”

“I’m sorry! I-”

He didn’t want to hear it. “Sorry doesn't cut it, Y/N!” Ashton threw the glass somewhere in the grass, he would clean it after if it broke “Sorry is what you say when someone’s grandma died. Sorry is what you say immediately after you make a mistake. So sorry is not enough right now”

“What are you doing here? Where have you been?! What made you walk away from nearly five years of relationship? Did you just wake up one day and decided to leave me and all that we've been through behind? Did I do something to make you leave?” He whispered the last part, brushing away the tears that were still rolling down his cheek.

“No!” You quickly said “God, no. Ashton, you did nothing wrong! It was me, it was all me!”

“I can’t make sense of anything since you left” Ashton’s voice was hoarse, broken. The anger was coming down but the uncertainty and the heartbreak quickly replaced it “I barely eat or sleep or… Why did you do it? We were happy, weren’t we? Did I fail you somehow? Help me understand how we went from a happy, healthy couple to you running away without a trace for me to follow. Why, Y/N? Why?!”

“I found the ring!” You snapped, sobbing as the truth left your mouth.

Ashton felt like a bucket of water had fallen on him, soaking him and taking every ounce of heat his body could create.

He bought a ring, yes, he even got Luke's help to pick it up. He was planning to propose somewhere along the year to come. He loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, how could he not? You were everything he wanted, everything he needed, and now… Now he doesn’t know who you are.

You are still standing with your arms wrapped around you as you cry. Soft sobs escape your mouth as you try to mutter a word, anything that could excuse the hurt that you caused him. The Y/N he knew would’ve never hurt him the way that you did, where was she now?

“I found the ring that morning after you left for the studio,” You said, as calmly as you could. Staring into Ashton’s eyes to make sure he was listening “I was rearranging the closet and it just fell from your coat… Next thing I knew I was driving to San Diego”

You saw Ashton’s chest rise and fall with the deep breaths he took. His face was numb, expressionless as you continued talking, not knowing if you’d ever stop “I- I was scared, Ashton. I wasn’t ready for marriage and we never really talked about it before and- Everything happened so fast! So I did the most horrible thing I could ever do and just ran away and there is not one day where I don’t regret that”

“Ashton, I love you. I love you and I never stopped loving you for a second. The minute I realized what I’ve done it was too late, you were probably already home and I knew you’d hate me. I-I couldn’t go back, it was too late and I-”

“Then why are you here?” The words felt like venom for the two of you “Why are you here now, Y/N?”

“Cause I love you. And it took me all this time to realize that I can’t live without you. Do you think you are the only one suffering from my decisions? Ashton, I haven’t left the house for weeks. I cry myself to sleep every night cause I miss you by my side. You consume my every thought and I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to see you, to say I’m sorry and to ask for you to take me back. I love you and I know you still love me, babe. Please-”

“No.” The word fell out of his mouth before he even realized it.

This is the moment where you both feel could last forever. The time stops as you both take in Ashton’s word: No. And all that he means by that.

“Ash-”

“No, Y/N” He stopped crying, but the pain inside his eyes was crystal clear “Y-You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to reappear in my life after you left me. You left me! You broke me and I had to pick up the pieces, I’m not even healed yet and here you come to open the wound even more”

“I-”

“You are a coward!” Ashton spat, “Five years! We fucking knew each other for five years! I loved you for five years and I thought we could trust each other cause that's what couples do. But no, apparently that wasn't enough. You walked away instead of facing this like a fucking grown-up. You said you were scared? So was I! But I was so sure of my feelings for you that I was willing to fight those fears, I was going to fight them with you cause that’s what we do! We don’t turn away from each other, especially when things get rough and that’s exactly what you did. You abandoned me, body and spirit and took it all with you”

“If you had talked to me that day we could’ve worked it all out. Tell me you are not ready for marriage? Perfect! then we’re not getting married. I didn’t need a piece of paper or a fancy ring to know that I still would’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life next to you. But you… for you, it was so easy to just leave”

“I never said it was easy, Ashton!” You defended, but he didn’t care.

“And yet here you are, six months later. If the guilt wasn’t eating you up would you ever come back?” Ashton asks, taking a step closer to you, already knowing the answer “This is not love, Y/N” He said with a broken voice “This is not how it's supposed to be. You are doing your duty, what you think is the best for you cause you know you fucked up. If you cared you wouldn’t have left in the first place, you would’ve come back the minute you realized this was a mistake cause God knows I would've taken you back then”

He felt like he was being unfair to you but he couldn’t push away past the pain and the anger. He couldn’t understand why you left him, why it was so easy for you to run away while he spent the past few months in an emotional coma. He wasn't allowed to run away from his feelings and yet, you did. You left him alone with no comfort and thought that you could have fixed everything when the damage was already irreparable.

“You have no right coming here and try to undo the mess you created, thinking everything would be fine between the both of us. I’m not the same man you fell in love with and you are clearly not the same girl I fell in love with. Pain can change people and, baby, you completely wrecked me”

“I know” You cried silently “I know, Ash and I have regretted it from the beginning. I was selfish and-”

“That’s right, you were and still are by coming here” He wiped his face with the palm of his hand, trying to compose himself “And I’m not just talking about me. Do you have any idea how much you hurt the boys? Their partners? We were a family and you just broke it like it was nothing. Five years of nothing. I'm glad to know that's all we meant for you”

“Ashton, please!” You begged him to stop talking. You knew you deserved this, that he was right on almost everything he said except on the part that you didn't care. You did more than you should and, you just hoped that maybe, just maybe... “I fucked up! I know, and you have every right to hate me-

“That’s the problem!” Ashton said with a dry laugh that held all the resentment he had towards himself “I wish I could hate you but the truth is that it’s completely the opposite. I should hate you, cause loving you just hurts too much”

His words hurt more than believing he hated you. You wish he hated you “Ashton, I-”

The sound of the back door opening and a slight gasp caught you both by surprise.

“What is she doing here?” Michael asked defiantly as he started walking towards Ashton, followed by Calum and Luke.

“She was just leaving,” Ashton said, looking at you like it was nothing. Like you were nothing.

Everyone stood quiet as the black-haired man stood his ground. You didn't dare to watch the hatred in his bandmates eyes, so you concentrated only in him. Although as soon as you did that you regretted it instantly.

His eyes had nothing to show other than utter disappointment. His voice was firm and cold as steel, whoever this person was, it was not the Ashton they used to know. No, that Ashton died the day you left. The day that marked the beginning of the after.

Your eyes filled with a new set of tears as you took a step towards him “Ash…” But you were interrupted as Luke stood in front of you, blocking you from giving another step “You heard him” Was all he said.

You watched as Ashton started to walk inside next to Calum and Michael, not even sparing a glance towards your direction one last time.

“No, no no no. Luke” You beg to the tall Australian “Luke, please I-”

Luke softly grabbed you by the shoulders and pleaded “Please, Y/N/N. Don’t make this any more difficult for any of us. Please”

And just like that, you watched as Ashton disappeared inside the house, just like you did to him.

*

“Hey, Ashton!” Calum called over the music, a big smile decorating his face.

Ashton turned around and smiled just as wide as his friend “What’s up?”

“There is someone I'd like you to meet” The teasing in his voice was apparent. Ashton rolled his eyes, knowing the game too well.

He was about to say something until he laid eyes on the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Her smile seemed to illuminate the room and her eyes sparkled like a thousand stars. An invisible halo surrounded her as she made her way towards Calum and him, and he knew this was the someone Calum wanted him to meet. It was too perfect to be real.

Ashton stood in complete awe in front of this stranger whose cheeks tinted red the moment she laid eyes on the drummer. He shook his head out of the trance and extended his hand for you to take.

“Hi, I’m Ashton,” He said with a smile filled with dimples.

You took his hand on yours and you both could feel the immediate spark. They were already hooked and they didn’t even know their names yet.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you”

“The pleasure is all mine, love,” He said while bringing your hand to his lips and planting a sweet kiss on your knuckles “I have a feeling that this would be the beginning of something”

You chuckled “Something good, I hope?”

Ashton smiled “Something beautiful”

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @theshyspy @talksoprettyjjx @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @mystic-232

*if your url is scratch please contact me so we can fix it

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x10: New and a bit alarming... ok, very alarming

I don't even know at this point if I'm more nervous or excited for this episode. I've done my waiting and, well, whatever lies ahead, good or bad, or a little bit of both, I just can't wait anymore, even though I haven't been so scared to press play since... well, since last week. Guess I should just go for it, then:

Ooh, shady Seb doing the recap! We love to see it. Like, seriously, I'm anxious about the Seblos fight, but shady Seb is kind of my new favourite Seb.

I just... Ashlyn's acting is top tier. Emotional connection to the material? Superb! Chemistry with her co-lead... well, he'd have to be co-leading for any chemistry to be possible. I love Ricky, and I feel for him with all he's been through, but he's just not lead material right now. And it shows. Especially next to Ashlyn, who is killing it!

Miss Jenn is on the verge of a bloody mental breakdown and I just... wish I could do something to make things better. She reminds me of my mum when a deadline approaches for her to submit an article, and I just feel for her right now. Gosh, I'm feeling for everybody today. My empathy seems to be at its peak and I might just burst from all these emotions this episode is making me feel even before the 5-minute mark.

Ok, but Miss Jenn being stressed means Carlos is stressed for two, which means... this is a really bad time for him and Seb to have personal problems. My heart just can't handle it.

Wow... I never thought I'd see the day! The two leads are actually talking to each other! This is a mid-July miracle!

Why does everyone keep pretending their HSM was good? It was a flaming hot mess! A child could see that.

Miss Jenn needs a lot of work on her 'gracious face'. I, like Carlos, have quite some notes. Only mine aren't exactly, how do you say... verbally formulated quite yet.

Did Carlos just refer to Miss Jenn as 'mother'? Because yes.

I've been in a couple of local theatre productions in my day, but none of them had actual physical sets — we relied on the audience's imagination quite a lot — so I wouldn't know what a good set is made of... but even I can tell that plywood and Elmer's glue = not good.

Kourtney is a multi-tasking icon and we love her. I feel like I don't say this enough, but she deserves all the love.

Ooh, shady Seb is... well, shady! 'Quit school and get a job at the pizza shop?' — I mean, you don't see Reddy or Kourtney (or Howie, for that matter) quitting school in order to work at the Slices! Those kids juggle it all and, as someone who's never had to balance school and a job all at once, they have my deepest admiration.

Still, I think they should have thought about 'inventing' something re: transformation earlier than this point. The personal drama has taken up too much of their time.

Why does everyone keep inviting people over to Ashlyn's? I mean, it's not like I've ever heard her complain, but the girl needs some rest! And her house is not a public space.

Oh, so they're making this into a contest? I mean, I have never been a fan of competition, but to each their own. And Redlyn are hosting! This is going to be so beautiful! (You know, unless the boys try to sleep — see my post from yesterday about Reddy's background noise machine)

'I'm not worried. But North High should be!' Ooh, I love this look on Ashlyn! See, there's a lead to take notes from! And Ricky should be the first to do so. Take notes about what a lead acts like, I mean.

Oooooh, Big Red claps back! We love to see it. Although, you know, it stems from the fact that he's nervous about coming up with a solution to the transformation problem. 'I get bossy around the power tools' — Yes, sweetie, and I love that look on you. Maybe you should be around power tools more often, if that helps.

Ughhh, look what the cat brought in! Lily (I wish I knew her last name so I could refer to her by it exclusively, but we'll have to make do). I hate that girl. She reminds me quite exactly of the girl who bullied me in seventh grade to the point where I wished I'd die before having to deal with her at school again. She and Lily both bring out my aggressive side, and I hate that about them.

Ricky — 'so good at being a leading man'? I don't know what Lily is playing at here, but Ricky has not shown himself to be a very good leading man this season. He has the potential to be, but he has not fulfilled it by this point. Sure, he supports his friends and they support him, but that's basic decency. Not yet good leadership. No hate on Ricky, just the truth.

'I vaguely remember him' — please tell me this is setup for Ricky leading Lily on and then slamming the door in her face with the truth. The way I see it, he's been given a chance here. A chance to be the supportive, protective best friend Big Red deserves. I just... have a lot of ideas about this and I don't want it to end badly instead.

'I'm just not well-liked here, and I don't know what to do' — well, of course you aren't well-liked, you little— (ok, ok, calm down, breathe, 10, 9, 8...) whatever. I mean, she hasn't even considered basic decency, as it seems. Must be a new concept to her.

'Don't start with me, Carlos!' Wow. As much as I hate it that my two faves' only interaction in so long is so hostile, I kind of like this side of Big Red. I wonder what other sides of himself he's been hiding.

Listen, I don't like Seb being patronised and babied, but... 'Chip, this is your mother speaking: go call your mother!' made me laugh so hard. They're leaning into the on-stage family dynamic and I live for it.

EJ's idea of using old skateboards for the spinning contraption is... a brilliant callback to the fact that Ricky and Big Red were first characterised as skateboarders... you know, before diving headfirst into the theatre thing. And it feels like it might actually work.

Miss Jenn's excitement at seeing Mr Mazzara ('Benjamin!!!') is perhaps only topped by the fact that he was halfway home, got a text from her and instantly went back to the school. I mean, these two have something that's really big.

Miss Jenn referring to the kids as 'my children', combined with Carlos calling her 'mother' earlier just warms my heart so much! Those guys really are family. I live for it.

Ok, but... as clear as it is that the Wildcats are very far behind NH in terms of budget, rehearsal time and who knows what else, I hate seeing Miss Jenn resigned to them losing. I want to see her have faith in them, talk about how they will win, and, in her own words, 'trust the process'. I mean, I guess it's good that, as a teacher, she wants to prepare her kids for a possible defeat (and I mean really possible if they don't step up their game immediately, especially some of them * cough* Ricky *cough *), but a team that goes out to the field expecting to lose has a very minimal chance of winning.

Despite everything I've been saying again and again about Nini lately, the fact that she just delivered a very different 'No, Seb' has just redeemed her. See, this one wasn't dismissive or patronising — this was like, 'no, Seb, don't put yourself down' and I love that spin on the catchphrase I'd grown to hate. See, many things can be redeemed. And some simply cannot. * cough* Devil's spawn Lily *cough *. Also, Seb being self-conscious about the fact that Carlos 'doesn't have many options' at East Hight is the perfect setup for In a Heartbeat — meaning they will either have a chance to talk about their issue, or they have a telepathic connection, in which case, what kind of soulmate stuff is that?

'You're my sister; he's my cousin' — yeah, Ash, putting it like that makes it sound a lot weirder than it should, but I do get what you're trying to say. This is not a drill! Ashlyn is a Portwell shipper (heck, maybe even the captain of that ship) — but I feel like we already knew that.

'Why'd I never hear about this?' — and there it goes. Within the same scene, Nini was redeemed and then made aggravating again. What does she care if Gina thought Ricky sent her chocolates? He didn't. Because he and Gina can't be anything but very good friends. And I feel like good friends is what Gina needs. Maybe that's why I wanted EJ to be that for her initially (or it was because I'm aroace and don't tend to notice romantic attraction between fictional characters — or real people for that matter — unless it's explicitly stated to be there). But I've been on board of the majestic S.S. Portwell for a few weeks now and it's finally about to set sail.

Yeah, Nini, get a root beer, calm the heck down and get over it!

'Your other clockwise!' — Why does this even need to be said? How many 'clockwise's are there? I absolutely understand why Big Red gets the way he gets around power tools. I'd be on edge too, if the people I was trying to work with didn't know what way clockwise is. Still, I feel like by the time I'm 30, nobody younger than me would have a reason to know what way clockwise is, and I don't know if I feel bad or neutral about it.

Oh, so there's no telepathy involved in Seblos' problem resolution — it's been Redlyn's good communication all along. I might have known.

Ooh, Portwell is being discussed on both sides! PORTWELL NATION HOW WE FEELING

Nini? Why is everything about Nini? There's no way everything is about Nini. In all seriousness, though, EJ's worries about letting the next girl go seem valid in regards to Gina, given that she explicitly stated (though not within earshot of EJ or anyone who could have tipped him off) that she needs someone who will show up and stay. But they'll figure it out. They'll find a way. I know it. They will, or I will riot, and I know I won't be alone in that.

Ooh, Howie is giving Kourtney the original blueprints! Looks like Reddy isn't the only one who has a spy on the inside.

Ahhh, Ricky! Not 'Let You Go' again. I haven't cried to it in three days and I was not ready to break that streak. But... wait, this is where Carlos approaches Ricky to ask him for help with writing a song for Seb, isn't it? I am definitely ready for this.

Oh, is it... is it Ricky who suggests Carlos write a song for Seb? Now that is what a good leading man looks like.

'I'm adjusting to being called bro' — me too, Carlito, me too. But... this scene must have been so emotional for Josh, given that he hadn't come out yet. I remember him crying during The Climb and... all I'm saying is I want Ricky to come out at some point, too.

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh... they were just talking about love languages and that's when Carlos shows up? Cinematic. Wait, there's Portwell too? This is what dreams are made of.

My oh my oh my! Risotto! For real this time. I might have just teared up. (Full disclosure: I did.) I've only had Portwell for about three weeks, but if anything happens to them, I will... you know how the meme goes. [side note: Wait, when I said 'for real this time', I was not expecting EJ would say it, much less word for word. Am I... writing this show now? It's usually my dad who predicts people's lines in TV shows]

'Not that I know of'... excuse me while I hyperventilate! These two are literal soulmates. They might share a brain, too, for all that I know. Portwell nation you ok guys?

I love that Ricky helped Carlos out with this song and is supporting him through it, but... I just might have preferred for him not to be there. I kind of need Seblos to have this moment to themselves. But, you know, with the way they feel about each other it might as well be like they're alone in the universe, let alone the room.

Ok, but Frankie's voice... brings out feelings in me that I didn't know I was capable of. Make of that what you will. Also, I'm not sobbing my eyes out, you are.

Ahhh Reddy my sunshine my sweet boy I love you but why did you have to cut Seblos' moment short? They were going to kiss, I know it. Oh well, they probably will, later on. Off-screen probably, but who cares? Not everything is for us to see. At least Carlos and Ricky had a moment there... Carlos calling Ricky 'bro' made me more emotional than I expected. It's like Miss Jenn says in s1: 'They're best bros, and that's a sacred thing... for reasons I will never understand'.

Ricky's acting sounds like a cat about to spit up a hairball, and it's so funny... in a scene that is supposed to be arguably the most dramatic of the entire play, that is not a good thing.

Oh my, oh my... you did not! You did not just end the episode with Ricky taking a fall from who knows how high. I was not ready. This episode was entirely too much for me. I will need 10 to 15 business days to recover from this, and we all know there aren't that many. But in the meantime you'll find me obsessively listening to In a Heartbeat for hours on end. Seriously, this episode is too much.

[whythinktoomuch]

~pARt thREe~

(pt. i.)  (pt. ii.) 

“She told you, didn’t she?”

Lena stirs, rubbing at her bleary eyes as she sits up—all of which Kara protests in her sleep with a small groan, the arm thrown over Lena’s middle wrapping all the more tightly, insistent yet gentle. 

“We’re doing everything we can to find him,” Alex continues, and Lena thumps firmly at her own chest. “We don’t need your help, Lena. We just need you to focus on getting better, okay?”

Lena rolls her eyes. At this point, she could have said it along with her if she wanted.

U NEED A NEW TAGLINE, Lena writes out.

“Well, hurry up and get better already, and I’ll look into changing it.”

Rolling her eyes again, Lena lets out an emphatic hmph!, and it’s enough to get Kara to jerk awake.

“Mornin’,” she murmurs, her voice is still gravelly from sleep. She flops onto her back and yawns, hair out of place, eyes half-lidded and blinking, and it’s the most perfect ensemble of loveliness that Lena’s heart has ever encountered. Kara grins upon noticing Alex. “Oh, hey… Aw. My two favoritest people in the world…”

Lena feels her entire body stiffen. She shoots a hasty glance back at Alex, who’s already watching her reaction with a curious squint. 

“What time is it?” Kara asks.

“Half past eight,” Alex says.

“Pfft, no, it’s not,” Kara says, snorting. Then she catches sight of the tiny 8:37 in the corner of some news segment playing on TV. “Oh no, oh crap. God, I’m so late! Okay, all right, um... I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

Kara pecks at Lena’s temple before grabbing her jacket and rushing out the door. Lena looks back at Alex; she somehow feels both smug and embarrassed in equal measure. 

Alex just clicks her pen with a sigh. “Yeah, we are so not going to talk about that.”

Lena smiles, treating Alex to a flash of steel and a zipping motion in agreement. She’s more than happy to replay certain moments for herself on her own time.

—

Few weeks later, Lena’s arm is both cast and pain-free. Her elbow’s still creaky and stiff from disuse, but according to Alex, it’s now in perfect working order.

“So, we can be arm wrestling buddies now?” Kara holds out her hand and Lena automatically grabs it—any excuse to touch Kara is a good one, after all.

“Absolutely not,” Alex cuts in, ever the professional spoilsport, tugging at Kara’s collar until she lets go of Lena with a sheepish grin. “I don’t need you undoing all our good work just ‘cause you wanted to impress Lena.”

Kara scoffs in supposed disbelief, but her cheeks betray her with a rather bright shade of pink. “I wasn’t… I wouldn’t even—hah.”

The pleasant color in Kara’s cheeks only serves to embolden Lena though, and she reaches out to give Kara’s bicep a comforting squeeze. It makes the blush about a 1000 times worse.

“Jesus, just let me finish my checks and y’all can go back to being weird together,” Alex says.

“We’re not—” Kara starts, but her grumbles are cut short by some breaking news taking over the TV: a gas main explosion at a children’s hospital.

“Kara,” Alex says, whipping her head around. 

“Already on my way.” The cheery warmth in Kara’s tone has given way to something much more assertive. A hard edge casts over her entire face and form, her shoulders squaring, her glasses whipped off then abandoned.

Lena barely has time to wonder if a CatCo writer really needed to be at the site of such a dangerous scene when Kara disappears in whirl of dust and wind, sending little knickknacks flying everywhere in her wake. Then Supergirl appears on her screen, saving people and taming the blaze in real time.

And suddenly... Lena can’t breathe.

“Lena? Lena!” Alex rushes to her side. “What’s wrong? What is it? Is it your elbow? Lena, what’s—”

Lena shoves at Alex, but the momentum is all but lost amid all the gasping, her lungs already cramped and struggling to accommodate the violent heaves of breath. She feels sick. She feels like she’s dying. She feels like dying. She feels like the world is closing in on her, tightening around her steadily contracting throat, and she can’t see anything past the overflowing tears, and she just can’t—she simply cannot—fucking breathe…

“Lena, come on! You’re all right. You’re okay,” Alex insists as she catches Lena around her wrists, stilling her flailing arms with a grunt. “Hey! Look at me! You’re okay. Just let me help you.”

But Lena tears herself from Alex’s grip, covers her face with trembling hands and just cries and cries.

“… Lena, come on… You gotta work with me here. What’s wrong?”

Lena jerks away from the gentle touch. She slams her eyes shut, unable to witness what would surely be an extraordinary display of heroism depicted on the small screen. “Kara.” It hurts her jaw and everything else inside her to say it, but she does. Sobbing, practically wailing the name over and over again.

“What about Kara?” Alex demands, incredulous. “It’s… it’s just a fire. She’ll be right back. She’s been in way tougher scrapes than this. She’s going to be fine.”

But Lena refuses to be consoled, clawing at Alex’s arms whenever she tries to approach her again. Then gradually—irrevocably and just so very regrettably—it dawns on Alex.

“You didn’t know,” Alex says with a resigned sigh, and Lena can barely hear the words over her own wheezing. “You don’t remember.”

—

Lena eventually allows herself to be sedated, giving Alex the go-ahead only once all the aching has exhaustively passed the point of tolerance. But still, she tries to fight it. Struggles against the medically induced respite for as long as possible. Because it’s only a matter of time now. All she has left to do is wait.

—

It’s dark when Lena is roused from her shallow slumber. The room smells like ash, windswept smoke, and gasoline. Supergirl’s leaning against the far corner, arms loosely crossed at her chest.

“Hey,” she says, and Lena just waits. “I’m sorry... I thought you knew. This whole time, I thought we were…”

A single tear rolls down Lena’s cheek. She waits even longer this time.

“Lena…” Kara takes one step closer, freezing in place when Lena makes no move to receive or repel her. “Look, I know… I know I should have told you so long ago, I know, I know.”

Then she goes on to explain. The excuses she’s told herself. The misguided attempts to keep Lena as a friend despite her differences with Supergirl. Her own selfishness. Her fears. All the inevitable regrets that came with all of the deceit…

It sounds heartfelt.

It feels rehearsed.

A lot of it, Lena is sure, must come from some place indistinguishable from the truth.

Kara ends on a tearful note, begging Lena to please say something in response, setting the mini-whiteboard onto Lena’s lap so carefully, so gently with hands that could destroy entire worlds and lives on the simplest of whims.

After a long enough pause, Lena drops her gaze down to her lap. Her fingers twitch as she eyes the marker sitting by her hand. She slowly reaches for the whiteboard, grip tightening on the corner so hard that the melamine creaks. Then, with all the force she could muster with her newly repaired arm, Lena flings the board across the room.

It bounces off Kara’s perfectly stoic face and clatters to the ground.

The silence rings out, disrupted only by Lena’s breath heaving through painfully gritted teeth.

Kara’s jaw clenches, then she swallows hard and nods. “Understood,” she says, and is gone from the room in the next instant.

Breath hitching and sobbing out uncontrollably, Lena falls back onto the bed and sheds tears that she was so sure had already long since been spilled by now. 

(next part here)