#as you can imagine this is why i struggle to complete creative projects ever
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p2ep · 7 months ago
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starting to think about 90% percent of my problems in life are due to me having life ruining levels of executive dysfunction
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spockandawe · 7 months ago
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hello! i came across your wips button and i wonder if youll ever go do them? the transformers ones sound super good!!
That.... is an excellent question and one I'm not super equipped to answer! The boring downer angle is that I've been horribly, immovably blocked on art and writing for a long while now, and it drives me nuts trying to shake that AND i rarely have any luck. I know i can write pretty darn well, and I can do it FAST, there was a hot minute where i successfully held myself to uploading at least one piece of art or writing per day. That pace was never going to last, my art got better and my fics got longer, plus i went from languishing in the falling action of grad school to having an actual job, which was both a less flexible schedule and also more money to explore other hobbies. But that period of my life really drove home how important that rhythm and periodicity is to me, and i haven't been able to recapture that in years.
As it is right now, if i manage to finish anything, it's only going to happen with either a fandom at the VERY very forefront of my mind (svsss or the raksura core au right now), or with an idea too fresh and good and crunchy to resist, independent of fandom (there's a dungeon meshi idea lightly haunting me). Transformers is a remarkably good playground, I love it SO much, but it's been years since I reread any significant part of it, so the ideas aren't flowing. I trust my old ideas, but if the canon isn't fresh, or I'm not actively talking about it, the spark is unlikely to catch. There's an off-chance of me reacting to an idea in some other fic via a medium of transformers smut, but I'm also struggling to read right now too 🥲
But! But!!!! A thing ive noticed and that drives me bananas is that when i move, the shape of my hobbies changes. I vibed really well with writing in NJ and MA, and COMPLETELY lost the ball when i relocated to VA. I cross-stitched in NJ, faded in MA, and lost it in VA. I bookbound like nuts in VA, but i just did a local move, and I'm no longer getting the reaction of 'I'm idle, I should make a book.' I don't know where things will go, first was a rush to unpack my boxes, then was a rush to learn to paint a room, and now my home is full of jumbled furniture and objects and I'm so overwhelmed that all I want to do is lie in bed and level grind in video james.
Teal deer, i can't tell what hobby is going to take center stage now, and it's driving me nuts. But it could be writing! I'm much more confident about my writing than lots of other creative endeavors. I also want to revisit canon for a lot of old fandoms. I think the wip list predates my cnovel phase, but i have two beefy svsss wips, and at least two short ones, and two aus I'd love to flesh out. I have raksura core writing. I have a tf bookbinding project that's been languishing for. 1.5 years. But if i can find my momentum, I'll be diving back into canon. And i really think 5-10k of hard weird emotional smut really is my wheelhouse. I wish so hard i could recapture that energy! This is a response much longer than it needed to be, but just imagine me as the WHY ARE YOU CLOSED meme at my own brain, and much more confused and frustrated than anyone else that I don't write anymore 🤣
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rooreelooo · 10 months ago
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Is your Nuts and Bolts LP still available anywhere?
hello, anonymous person from 2016. yes it IS.
when you originally asked this question it wasn't, but hey 8 years have passed and things have changed now. the world fucking sucks, but ONE way that it has improved is that i made the effort to upload my LPs to a modern video hosting platform. all three LPs are here - totalling 1 day, 15 hours, 22 mins and 36 secs of video. that's a lot! a lot a lot a lot! (remember that guy from majora's mask?)
and because i'm insane i also went to the effort of adding 'director's commentary' to every video, padding out this project even further. that's over 42,000 words of commentary that literally nobody will ever read, because immediately after i posted it all youtube rolled out an updated video design that masked the video description underneath a dropdown menu, thus ensuring my gags and mental breakdowns remain entombed in obscurity (where they absolutely belong). thanks a fucking lot!
this reupload project also features over 10k words of nuts & bolts fanfiction i wrote to go alongside the videos, which is... also something that nobody will ever read. i linked it here anyway. one thing about me is that i labour over massive projects that nobody will ever see, and i never finish them. my hard drive is a graveyard of video and writing projects that will never see the light of day in either complete or incomplete form. can i be real for a second though? i LOVE this. i think this is one of the funniest things i have ever written lmao. and i actually got it not only completed, but posted publicly too. holy shit.
i'm split on whether i should do anything else with this project. on the one hand, all that commentary i spent over a year writing should have a chance at being seen. arguably i should start putting those gags and comments somewhere that they might actually get eyes on them, like here on tumblr or on cohost or something. on the other hand, this is already a 16-year old video project that i have arguably milked for way more than it's actually worth. i already added unnecessary extra commentary to a dead series of LPs, can you imagine anything more depressingly recursive and masturbatory than putting those comments elsewhere... with further comments? lmao. that would be a horse-flogging so thorough that the horse would be reduced to a fine red paste.
don't let the big cartoon eyes on it's head fool you, this stone has no blood left to be wrung. but here's the links. enjoy them, please. don't forget they were made between the years of 2008-2010, that is very important contextualizing information. and for the curious, the reason why i never completed nuts & bolts is because i was depressed. and the reason why i have struggled to complete any creative pursuits for my entire adult life is because the spectre of this fucking project looms over me, kindly reminding me that this will ultimately be the fate of artistic endeavor i attempt.
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acacia-may · 6 months ago
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Hi Acacia! 💕
For your 100 writer's ask game what about 2, 16, 31 and 78?
Thank you so much for the ask, Lola and for playing the ask game for fic writers! I'd love to answer these for you. Sorry my responses got so rambly 😅🙈 I've gone ahead and put them under the cut.
2. Talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “f*** your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”
So in my very first big fanfiction project ever (which thankfully was never posted to the internet & we can all just forget about...or we could if I just never brought it up lol), I had an OC completely change his personality from what was in my head in the minute I started writing him. He was supposed to be serious, principled, driven, and intense, but when I put him in the scene, he just kept cracking jokes and was charismatic, outgoing, and kind of goofy. I was stunned but kept going with the draft not really knowing what to do and thinking I'd just fix it later, and when I gave the draft of the chapter to my friend (irl) who was Beta-reading for me, I shared my frustrations with how this character wasn't anything like I imagined in my head and she said, "Acacia, he is my new favorite character, and if you change his personality from what it is now, I will stop reading this and never talk to you again" so he stayed lol 😂 (And eventually became one of my favorites too!)
That's probably the most dramatic example I can think of, but as an extensive plotter, I have definitely had my fair share of scenarios where my stories take a turn during the actual writing process that I wasn't expecting and I have to readjust (which is never fun but I think is often for the best). For instance, in my role-reversal/magic-swap Astelle fic "Broken Angel" Liebe just randomly showed up towards the end when Noelle tapped into her Anti-Magic and that was nowhere in any draft, outline, or even a thought I had had about the story before he just appeared there, but I think getting to explore the connection between him and Noelle was an important addition to that story in the end. It can be good to deviate from our original plans sometimes, even though I do struggle to stay flexible & tend to get frustrated when it happens. 😅
16. Where is your favorite place to write?
I write in my room more often than not [or sometimes I'll write while I'm undergoing medical treatment because there's nothing else to do 😅], BUT my favorite place to plot & walk through scenes in my head is outside in my yard or on my porch swing. Not sure why but I just always feel really creative there, especially when I listen to music.
31. Tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write
One of my characters...like an OC? 😳 I mean I'm pretty biased but I have an absolute blast writing Zoey. She's so dry and quick-witted (at least I hope she comes off that way) and writing her bantering with the other characters is just so much fun for me to write, especially when she's such a foil to the POV character (Hero) who is so reserved and sincere. That said, we get to see in the canon that he likes to tease to show affection to his friends & family too--he's just shy about it so I like to think the two of them can play off each other really well, especially when they become closer friends and feel more comfortable teasing each other, like in "Under the Weather" which is the self-indulgent story I wrote for my birthday.
Apologies but I'll allow myself an excerpt here just to show you what I'm talking about. I had way too much fun writing all these jokes about Hero's "grandpa pajamas" (which he actually wears for a big portion of the actual game/canon 😂) and having the two of them banter about it. (A/N: this story is a sick fic & he has the flu which is why he is in pajamas in the first place):
"It’s just…that’s not what I meant. I was just…embarrassed. I mean you’ve already had to see me in my pajamas.” Hero stared down at his pajama shirt and pulled on the collar as his face burned and not just from the fever. “Your grandpa pajamas?” Zoey teased dryly. His face flushed, but he nodded. Chuckling lightly, Zoey shook her head. “You do realize I’ve seen Kyle in his underwear more times than I’d care to admit, right? This is nothing. And besides, I’ve already seen them before.” “You’ve”—Hero’s voice cracked—“seen my pajamas?” “Well not in person, but Sunny drew me a picture of you in them.” “Sunny drew you a picture of me in my pajamas?” Hero repeated incredulously in a disbelieving, hoarse voice. Zoey shrugged but answered matter-of-factly. “He only draws you in your pajamas. He draws everybody in pajamas. You know, the last time I saw him he asked me about my pajamas so he could draw me in pajamas too.” “Why—?” Hero’s voice hitched—cut off by an awkward laugh and wheezy coughing. “Why would he do that?” “No idea. You tell me.” She paused, but Hero could only shrug his shoulders. Sunny was a talented artist, but Hero would be lying if he said he understood a lot of his abstract pieces or the reasoning behind them. Zoey’s guess as to why Sunny wanted to draw everyone in pajamas was as good as his, he supposed. “But I’m pretty sure he always draws you in these exact pajamas—long sleeves, button down shirt, stripes. I remember thinking ‘why does Sunny think Hero wears grandpa pajamas?’ but clearly it’s because you do.” Hero chuckled lightly but tilted his head at her. “What’s wrong with my pajamas?” “Nothing—if you’re over the age of 70,” bantered Zoey.
78. How do you choose where to end a chapter?
I'll admit I struggle a lot with endings, especially in the chapters of a multi-chapter fic. I usually know how the story or chapter will end in a general, vague sense, but it's always a struggle to decide what exact sentence or sentiment to end with. Sometimes I'll accidentally stumble into writing the perfect ending sentence which is always such a relief or I will have those "last words" in mind from the time I start writing. But most of the time it's more of a struggle to determine that cut-off point and I'll just start rambling until I find something I like. More so than anything else, endings are probably what I rewrite the most between drafts before posting. Some stories will have the ending written 4 or 5 times before I finally find something I like.
I hope I manage to write some poignant endings. I think the ending of "Tell Me Where It Hurts" is probably the one I'm most proud of, but that was a one shot. I think ending chapters of an ongoing story is a lot harder because you have to wrap up the main ideas of the chapter while also setting up the next one. I'll admit I get a little overwhelming by how daunting that is sometimes. I don't have a lot of multi-chapter works to choose examples from, but I think my favorite ending to any chapter in "When Sun Shines Again" so far was this one from Chapter 6 because it got really deep & philosophical (A/N: I don't think there are any big/specific OMORI spoilers in here, but uh...if you know, you know I guess...):
His chest ached—hollow and panging with a pain that would never really go away. He almost wanted to say that all of his experiences with the butterfly effect had been negative, painful…but then he thought about Kel…thought about him knocking on Sunny’s door three days before he was supposed to move away. He thought about Sunny opening it for him and venturing outside for the first time in four years. He thought about Aubrey suggesting they all stay at Basil’s house on Sunny’s last night in Faraway Town. And venturing deep into his memories of that long, distant past that often felt like nothing but a dream now, Hero thought about Mari again—her insistence that they help Aubrey when she was just a crying little girl who lost her shoe or that they take care of Basil and his garden. Or long, long before that…he thought about his dad buying a potted cactus and suggesting they take it over to their new neighbors. People never seemed to think of the impact of their smallest decisions. Hero certainly hadn’t before, and even now, he wasn’t really thinking of it, wasn’t really expecting Kyle’s assertions to be anything more than impassioned attempts to get him out of the house and to play ‘designated driver.’ But as it turned out, years later, whenever Hero would mentally list those seemingly insignificant but life-altering decisions, he would always throw in this moment when his mouth twitched into a conceding smile and he sighed, “Alright, Kyle. Just let me go change my clothes first; then we’ll head out.”
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st0rmyskies · 2 years ago
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May I do one of those answer all the questions things again? Mwah😘
Of course you may bae. Let's get to the ones I didn't get asked.
Under the cut for length.
✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)
I have too many active projects to have any that I want people talking about more. If anything I wish I could stay focused on one series HSH as opposed to having the braincell pulled in 800 other directions.
💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?
Live reacts are the shit. Really though any thought-out comment makes my day. I put a lot of effort in to what I put out there, so having that recognized - to have people pick out subtle themes or characterization notes or what have you - is really rewarding.
🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?
I think y'all know that I work pretty hard on what I put out there. My biggest struggle right now is the climax of HSH, just too many moving parts and I need to make sure I do everyone justice. Yes, even Number.
��what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?
Whether or not I'm outing one of my own weird kinks.
🌿how does creating make you feel?
Relaxed. Stressed. Elated. Drained. Productive. Like I'm wasting my time.
🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?
Hard question. Like, my style of getting things down or putting words in order or ???. Idk I'm stubborn so perhaps I'm fixed.
🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)
Completing and posting a work feels good, but I don't really seek validation through posting. I just... put it out there. Read it, or don't.
💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language
The language, by far. Language can either immerse you in a given scene or bitchslap you straight out of it. It can make a given character's actions seem brash or planned, their motivations selfish or selfless. The importance of word choices CANNOT be overstated.
🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?
Among Us got really hard to write because the ending is Not Good. That story helped me realize that I really can't do bad endings.
🍭why did you start writing?
Because I wanted to read Marth/Roy (SSBM) fic and couldn't find anything I enjoyed well enough.
🤲what do YOU get out of writing?
I get to create the kind of stories I'm interested in reading.
☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?
Engaging with fans and other creators through tumblr and discord has really broadened my creative horizon. It's made me think about the potential of characters I otherwise wouldn't have considered exploring, and explore sides of characters I didn't even imagine could be there.
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
80% sure that by the end of HSH: The Brave, Time is going to be walking with a cane.
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rubberduckyrye · 2 years ago
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As I'm re-editing my Genshin fic, I've kind of came across a realization that I feel like I should share.
So this started with the fact that I've been hella struggling to write my fanfic in general. I realized that the reason why I was struggling was because I was trying to fill in EVERY gap of the story--a flaw of my own writing that I have decided to work on with this fanfic. Instead of filling in the whole thing, I should be focusing on important notes and points, and let my readers interpret the things left blank for with their own headcanons and imagination.
This is definitely a perspective shift for me, and before I wrote Chasing the Voided Moon, I always felt like I would never be able to complete a long haul project like it. Then I did, and the rough draft was done in just seven days. That is, of course, not including editing, but that's beside the point.
Now I'm thinking about how much I love rereading that fic, how it's my favorite fanfic to reread--and I wrote it just for me, for myself. Yes I did write it with others who were displeased with the interlude quest in mind, but the reality is, that story is a very important one for me too, as someone who relates to a lot of Scaramouche's mental health problems, rage, hurt, and trauma. The moral of overcoming your traumas, sins, and accepting yourself is important to me.
This fic also taught me that yes, I CAN wrote a whole ass novel--and it got me started on thinking about original characters and stories again. Original ideas that I never thought I'd be able to even consider as a serious endeavor. Now, I'm slowly but surely working my way up to that end goal--to write a novel worthy of publishing. That's what this Genshin fic is--the next step in the process. It's time for me to write a story on my own, without references, with new characters not in canon, and tell it.
Working on this fic has taught me that condensing information and even cutting things out is just necessary for some narratives. I can't possibly expect my readers to care about every single mildly interesting point when the overall story has yet to continue. And with this mindset of "leave blanks for the readers to fill in" settling in, I've realized that I am getting closer and closer to writing my own story.
I know this might seem like a jump in my thought process, but bear with me--I started thinking about how people want to monetize their fanfics, like how fan-artists monetize their works. I was thinking about how I was someone who was annoyed with how fan artists could pretty much make a living off of their fan art while fanfic authors have to put up with the idea that their fanfics need to stay as celebratory works, and never ever should be monetized. Ao3 will even banhammer you if you so much as mention ko-fi or patreon or commissions.
I was annoyed by it--until I had the realization that I could make original novels.
I always assumed that, because I just couldn't ever write a novel, that I would never be able to make money off of my own creative work. That fanfic writing was the closes I'd ever get to it, and so, I wished desperately that I just, could monetize that. I wish that this one thing that I could do well, that I know from experience that people would pay real money for my writing--I wished that I could just, do that without legal repercussions.
Now I'm kind of sitting on the other side of it, thinking that like... maybe monetizing fandom was a mistake. That maybe the people who are far more aggressive about fanfics and monetization are people who don't believe they can create something that will succeed out there in the world of original fiction.
I still think that fanfic authors get unfairly treated in regards to monetization, and copyright in general? I just want to abolish it. But still... just, food for thought. Maybe it's important to let people know that they can create something beyond fan works.
Just some random thoughts I've had today.
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spotlightauthors · 1 year ago
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Ella Quent
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Ella Quent is a Poet/Author from Jacksonville, Florida. Her love for writing was birthed from a love for reading. As a shy, quiet teenager, Ella used poetry as her means of expression. The author of several romantic and poetic short stories, Ella published her first full length novel, The Evolution of Her, a poetry collection dedicated to women of color. Currently attending school to study Creative Writing, Ella hopes to continue writing poetry and stories to encourage and inspire others. 
Author Name: Ella Quent 
How long have you been writing? I have been writing since I was a a young girl. 
Did you ever imagine that you would be published one day? Becoming a published author has always been a dream of mine. 
What made you want to become an author? When I was about 8, my school took us on a trip to the library, I got my first library and fell completely in love with reading. It was from there that I started wanting to write books of my own. 
How long have you been published? I recently published my first book just this past month. 
How does it feel to be published? It feels amazing!!! It's almost surreal seeing my book on such a public platform for others to enjoy.
Are you self-published or did you go through a publishing company? Why? I am self-published as of now, but I am working on something I'd like to submit to a traditional publishing company.
How many books have you written? This is my first actual book, though I have several short stories available on Amazon Kindle Vella. 
What is/are the name of your book(s)? My book is titled The Evolution of Her.
What genre is it/are they in? It is a book of Inspirational Poetry geared towards women of color.
What do you feel will inspire others to never forget when they read your story(ies)? I try to come from a place of love and positivity. I know how it is to hurt or struggle but I always love to remind myself, and others, that we will get through.
What's the hardest part about writing a book? I think the hardest thing about writing a book is letting go of the fear to release it, once you release a book, it really no longer belongs to you but to the culture.
What's the easiest part about writing a book? The easiest thing about writing a book is being able to use my voice. As a teenager I was so quiet and shy, that writing became my way of Expression.
What do you enjoy most about being an author? It literally feels like my dreams are coming true. 
What do you enjoy least about being an author? Hoping that someone reads my book! Lol, I'm always hoping someone will give my book a chance.
What is your favorite genre to read? Is it different than the one that you write in? I love poetry. I love romance. Those are my favorite topics to write, so I'm pretty much in my lane. 
Where can interested readers purchase their copy of your book(s)? My book and collection of stories are available on Amazon Kindle.
Do you have any future projects in the works? Is there a tentative release date? Right now, I'm working on my first full length romance novel, no date quite yet. 
Do you have any social media sites that you would like to share with my readers? I'm on Facebook and Instagram. I also created a blog, EllaQuently Speaking, which is also directed towards women of color. 
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spicita · 2 years ago
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Impressions 2022 - Unfinished
Recently I played Wii for the first time in thousands of days. Despite failing the judgement test, I managed to gain back an entire year of my life! I wonder how much younger I could have claimed as my fitness age had I only listened more closely to the instructions. I would easily blame it on having an audience, but the squirrel syndrome struggle is real.
I used to hold the romantic notion that aging would never get to me. Perhaps I underestimated waking up to the reflection of the number eleven between my eyebrows - every morning - for an entire year. The Sharks may have rejected the Skinny Mirror but why can't Instagram offer filters for bathroom mirrors too?
Fortunately, there are a few perks to getting older. Hot flashes were particularly helpful during the recent arctic spell including the coldest Christmas Georgia had seen in 33 years. For several years I have joked about looking forward to this time in my life while people assured me otherwise. Today I can finally say that I do prefer hot flashes to the alternative. 36 years after being proclaimed a woman at an age when I had no idea what that meant, I can at least celebrate the end of a major inconvenience bestowed upon those wearing that title. Now I just need to find creative uses for unused supplies!
Sorry. I should have warned you that I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis and have lost a few of my filters. In my mid-twenties I naively thought I was going through that phase early. Instead, my is-this-all-there-is realization has morphed into time-is-running-out.
I have always been a worrier but it seems to worsen with each passing day. I expected that my anxiety would fade after selling the business and downsizing but it's been almost two years and my thoughts still keep me up at night. Minimalists claim a lightness of spirit but what I have found to be true for me is that restlessness has nothing to do with what you do-or-don't-do, have-or-don't-have and everything to do with how you feel about what you think. While meditation and prayer seem to resolve that for many, I just haven't been able to figure it out for myself.
In The Courage to be Disliked Kishimi and Koga corroborate the theories behind Adlerian psychology including the idea that all problems are interpersonal. Or, in bumper sticker fashion... People. You can't live with them. You can't live without them. Not long ago I came across a funny meme with an aerial view of a house surrounded by tall bushy trees with the tagline "When you're completely done with everybody's shit." While avoidance is a favorite go-to of mine, the reality is that I'm not a survivalist who can afford to swear people off for good. In hindsight, I should have paid attention to DJ's numerous plumbing & electrical projects. Does picking out fixtures count?
My least favorite question of the year was: How's the build coming? Though we never imposed a timeline on The Little Hangar, we did imagine finishing the year with an enclosed building instead of a wall. Between the Hangar and other work projects that remain incomplete, I have been feeling rather unaccomplished. That heaviness is balanced against thoughts around whether busyness ever really served me. I think the slow pace has helped us think about what we really want and rewarded us with time to enjoy things as they are. We overcame the when/then dilemma by treating ourselves to a dry sauna which we temporarily (or not) placed inside of a shed. The Hangar Spa has become our perfect little getaway from the grind. We've also enjoyed watching several movies under the stars Hank Hill style... with propane heaters to keep us cozy during the winter.
When we embarked on our debt free journey, I thought financial freedom would lessen my concerns. Our new lifestyle has solved some challenges but also introduced others. Despite significant changes in our daily lives, I still lie awake at night. Adler suggests that true freedom comes from letting go of our need to be recognized, and yet every year I put pressure on myself to write this message to do just that. I'm hoping that next year the Hangar and I show up a little less unfinished.
 Read prior impressions…
Impressions 2021 - Domino
Impressions 2020 - Masked
Impressions 2019 - Grace
Impressions 2018 - Surrender
Impressions 2017 - Ordinary
Impressions 2016 - Kindness
Impressions 2015 - Blossom
Impressions 2014 - Independence
Impressions 2013 - Vow
Impressions 2012 - Faith
Impressions 2011 - Dream
Impressions 2010 - Penguin
Impressions 2009 - Smile
Impressions 2008 - Fun
Impressions 2007 - Inspiration
Impressions 2006 - Magic
Impressions 2005 - Love
Impressions 2004 - Influence
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doverstar · 2 years ago
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Based on the similarities between Eddie and your husband, do you see any of yourself in Chrissy? From the little we see of her character, do find help in characterizing her from yourself? I'm curious because I think its so funny how these two characters who have such little screen time have such a hold and impact on people(or maybe just my circle of the internet). For me personally, I think for the smidgeon of screen time these characters' have(particularly Chrissy because Eddie has a complete storyline) I wish we could have enjoyed more of them and see how their interactions and story may have unfolded together. What reasons do you find yourself drawn to Eddie/Chrissy?
Hi there!! This is such a deep question. Thank you so much for thinking to ask! I'll try to answer your questions/statements in order! Like you said, we don't get much of Chrissy's character in the show before she dies. All we know is what other characters say about her, and what her actress, Grace Van Dien, says about her. I am also an introvert, I am also somewhere around 5'3, and I would also giggle at a boy who behaved like Eddie did in the woods scene. Actually, I did. I have. I do. I'm married now. So I guess yes, I maybe see myself in Chrissy? I'm introverted, and insecure physically, and I have blue eyes. And I'm not strawberry blonde (oh, to be strawberry blonde) but I am blonde. But again, we don't know much else about Chrissy's personality! Jason describes her as "straight as an arrow", someone who would never try to buy drugs. I am that person. All the way. Chrissy's relationship with her mom is implied to be bad. I do not have an emotionally-abusive mother; my mother is great. However, of all my family members, my mother and I have the rockiest relationship. I can relate to having at least some strain in that department, but don't get me wrong - it's not an abusive relationship by any stretch.
When I'm writing from her perspective, I do use the things I relate to when it comes to Chrissy. Maybe that's lazy? Maybe that's not creative or original enough of me? Whatever. Write what you know, and I know how that stuff feels. I know how it feels to be insecure, introverted, perceived as "straight as an arrow", and have mom issues. But yeah, a character whose personality isn't really fleshed out that much before she's brutally murdered is an easy thing to project yourself onto. Maybe that's why so many people are crazy about Eddie/Chrissy? It's the Edward Cullen thing all over again. Some people must like it simply because the idea of Eddie in love with a timid girl like that is delightful and gives them butterflies imagining being in Chrissy's place. It has to be said. It's more likely than you think, guys. It makes sense that Eddie's character has such a hold on people; he was really done excellently by all involved in his creation. As for Chrissy's character, I think every single girl ever relates to body-image issues in some fashion, and what we got of her was a scared girl who just wanted help. What little time she was given onscreen was played and written in such a way that we couldn't not feel sympathy for her. If you've got a sympathetic character, you've got an audience. But them as a couple? It's all that scene in the woods. That's why people ship it. There was so much chemistry there. It was designed to make you like Eddie, whose first scene was so firework-y you didn't know what to think of him exactly until he was sweet to Chrissy. It was designed to show you Chrissy's really struggling, because in that scene, she gets to talk about what's happening with her. So we care when she dies. We care like Eddie ends up caring, which makes "Chrissy, this is for you" matter. That scene did its job. It made you like them both as characters. And they're obviously very cute at the same time, and cute together, so most brains immediately slid into ship mode. Who doesn't love the whole bad boy/popular girl trope? Or the rockstar/princess trope? Or the freaking "he's not actually a bad boy, he's a doll" trope or the "she's not actually a preppy jerk, she's precious" trope? Mash them together? Kryptonite. At the very least, you leave the first episode sorry she's dead and worried for Eddie's safety. It's a trope because it works. It's CUTE. As for the last question: I'm drawn to Eddie/Chrissy not just because of all the reasons I just said, but because, cornily - Eddie fell backward off that picnic table bench and I was transported into summer of 2019, where my would-be-husband was throwing himself off of a similar picnic table at a church camp to keep my attention, all long curly brown hair and lanky arms and legs, and I was a big nostalgic storm of butterflies.
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I have literally had a guy who looked like that do that to me, and yes, he was doing it to make me laugh, he was flirting. Instantly I wanted them to get together. I was texting my sister in a frenzy about how cute Eddie suddenly seemed to me, and how I hoped they'd get together because that seemed like where it was going. I was wrong. Thanks, Duffers. Thanks, I hate it-
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oscopelabs · 4 years ago
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Christopher Nolan: The Man Who Wasn’t There by Daniel Carlson
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1.
So, we’ll start with the fact that all movies are make-believe. It’s a bunch of actors on a set, wearing costumes and standing with props picked out by hordes of people you’ll never see, under the guidance of a director, saying things that have been written down for them while doing their best to say these things so that it sounds like they’re just now thinking of them. We all know this—saying it feels incredibly stupid, like pointing out that water is wet—but it’s still worth noting. There is, for example, no such person as Luke Skywalker. Never has been, never will be. He was invented by a baby boomer from Modesto. He is not real.
And we know this, and that’s part of the fun. We know that Luke Skywalker isn’t real but is being portrayed by an actor (another boomer from the Bay Area, come to think of it), and that none of the things we’re seeing are real. But we give ourselves over to the collective fiction for the greater experience of becoming involved in a story. This is one of the most amazing things that we do as humans. We know—deep down, in our bones, without-a-doubt know—that the thing we’re watching is fiction, but we enter a state of suspended reality where we imagine the story to be real, and we allow ourselves to be moved by it. We’ve been doing this since we developed language. The people telling these stories know this and bring the same level of commitment and imagination and assurance that we do as viewers, too. The storyteller knows that the story isn’t real, but for lack of a better way to get a handle on it, it feels real. So, to continue with the example, we’re excited when Luke Skywalker blows up the Death Star because he helped the good guys win. For us viewers, in this state of mutually reinforced agreement, that “happened.” It’s not real, but it’s “real”—that is, it’s real within the established boundaries of the invented world that we’ve all agreed to sit and look at for a couple of hours. Every viewer knows this, and every filmmaker acts on it, too. Except:
Christopher Nolan does not do this.
2.
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There’s no one single owner or maker of any movie, and anyone who tells you different has their hand in your pocket. But there’s an argument to be made that when somebody both writes and directs the movie, it’s a bit easier to locate a sense of personhood in the final product. (This is all really rough math, too, and should not be used in court.) Christopher Nolan has directed 11 films to date, and while his style can be found in all of them, his self is more present in the ones where he had a hand in the shaping of the story—and crucially, not just that, but in the construction of the fictional world. Take away the superhero trilogy, the remake of a Norwegian thriller, the adaptation of a novel, and the historical drama, and Nolan’s directed five films that can reasonably be attributed to his own creative universe: Following (1998), Memento (2000), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), and Tenet (2020). These movies all involve themes that Nolan seems to enjoy working with no matter the source material, including identity, memory, and how easily reality can be called into question when two people refuse to concede that they had very different experiences of the same event. Basically, he makes movies about how perception shapes existence. How he does this, though, is unlike pretty much everybody else.
Take Inception. After a decade spent going from hotshot new talent to household name (thanks to directing the two highest-grossing Batman movies ever made, as well as the first superhero movie to earn an Oscar for acting), he had the credit line to make something big and flashy that was also weird and personal. So we got an action movie that, when first announced in the Hollywood trades, was described as being set within “the architecture of the mind.” Although this at first seemed to be a phrase that only a publicist could love, it turned out to be the best way to describe the film. This is a film, after all, about a group of elite agents who use special technology to enter someone’s subconscious dream-state and then manipulate that person’s memories and emotions. The second half of the film sees team leader Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) and the rest of the squad actually descend through multiple nested subconsciouses to achieve their goal, even as they’re chased every step of the way by representations of Mal (Marion Cotillard), Dom’s late wife, who committed suicide after spending too much time in another’s subconscious and lost the ability to discern whether she was really alive or still in the dream-world.
I say “representations�� because that’s what they are: Mal is long dead, but Dom still feels enormous guilt over his complicity in her actions, and that guilt shows up looking like Mal, whose villainous actions (the representation’s actions, that is) are just more signs of Dom not being able to come to grips with his own past. It’s his own brain making these things up and attacking itself, and it chases his entire crew down three successive layers of dream worlds. You get caught up in the movie’s world as a viewer, and you go along because Nolan is pretty good at making exciting movies that feel like theme-park rides. You accept that Dom and everybody else refer to Mal as Mal and not, say, Dom. Dom even addresses her (“her”) when her projection shows up, speaking to her as if she’s a separate being with her own will and desires and not a puppet that he’s pretending not to know he’s controlling. It’s only later that you realize that the movie is in some ways just a big-budget rendition of what it would look like to really, really want to avoid therapy.
Which is what makes Nolan different from other filmmakers:
None of this is actually happening.
Again, yes, it’s happening in the sense that we see things on screen—explosions, chases, a fight scene in a rotating hallway that’s still some of the best practical-effects work in modern action movies—but within the universe of the film, none of what’s going on is taking place in the real world. It’s all unfolding in the subconsciouses of Dom’s teammates. In the movie’s real world, they’re all asleep on a luxury jet. They’re “doing” things that have an outcome on the plot, but Nolan sets more than half the movie inside dreams. It’s a movie about reality where we spend less time in reality than in fantasy. Half the movie is pretend.
For Nolan, filmmaking is about using a dazzling array of techniques to create a visual spectacle that distracts the viewer from the fact that the real and true story is happening somewhere else: in the fringes we can’t quite see, in the things we forget to remember, or even in the realm of pure speculation.
3.
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Memento arrived like (and with) a gunshot. It seemed to come out of nowhere and leave people struggling to describe it, and they usually wound up saying something like “it goes backward, but also forward at the same time, except some parts are actually really backward, like in reverse, so it’s maybe a circle?” Written by Christopher Nolan from an idea originally shared with him by his brother, Jonathan (who eventually turned it into a very different short story titled “Memento Mori”), the film follows a man named Leonard (Guy Pearce) who has anterograde amnesia and can’t form new memories, so every few minutes he sort of just resets and has to figure out where he is, what he’s doing there, and so on. He’s on the hunt for the man who attacked him and his wife, leaving his wife dead and Leonard in his present condition, which you can imagine does not make the gathering and synthesis of clues easy.
What’s more, Nolan puts the viewer in Leonard’s shoes by breaking the film’s linear timeline into two halves—call them A and B—and then alternating between them, with the added disorientation coming from the fact that one of those timeline halves plays out backward, with each successive scene showing what happened before the one you previously saw. So, if you numbered all the scenes in each timeline in chronological order, they’d look something like this when arranged in the final film: Scene A1, Scene B22, Scene A2, Scene B21, Scene A3, Scene B20, etc. You get why it messed with people’s heads.
As a result, we spend most of the movie pretty confused, just like Leonard, whose suppositions about what might or might not take place next begin to substitute for our own understanding of the film. It’s not until the end that we find out the shoe already dropped, and that Leonard killed the original attacker some time ago and has since been led on a series of goose chases by his cop friend, Teddy (Joe Pantoliano), who’s planting fake clues to get Leonard to take out other criminals. In other words, we realize that the story we thought was happening was pretend, and the real story was happening all around us, in the margins, memories, and imaginations of the characters. The most honest moment in the movie is the scene where Leonard hires a sex worker to wait several minutes in the bathroom while he gets in bed, then make a noise with the door to wake him, at which point his amnesia has kicked in again and he briefly thinks that the noise is being made by his wife. He’s wrong, of course, but this is the only time in the movie that we actually know he’s wrong. It’s the only time we truly know what’s real and what isn’t.
Yet you can’t talk about Memento without talking about Following, Nolan’s first feature. Although the film’s production was so extremely low-budget you’d think they were lying—the cast and crew all had day jobs and could only film on the weekends, so the thing took a year to make—Nolan’s willingness to dwell completely in a make-believe world that the viewer never knows about is already evident. It’s about a bored young writer who starts following strangers through the city for kicks, only for one of those strangers to catch him in the act and confront him. The stranger introduces himself as Cobb—I kindly submit here that it is not a coincidence that this is also Leonardo DiCaprio’s character’s name in Inception, but you already knew that—and reveals himself to be a burglar, spooked by the tail but willing to take on an apprentice. Cobb trains the writer to be a burglar, only for the situation to ultimately wind up implicating the writer himself in a complex blackmail plot. You see, the writer didn’t latch onto Cobb in a crowd; Cobb lured him in. The whole movie has been Cobb’s story all along, with the writer as a patsy who doesn’t understand the truth until the final frame. None of what we saw mattered, and everything that actually happened happened off-screen just before or just after we came in on a given scene. It’s like realizing the movie you’re watching turned out to be just deleted scenes from something else. You can’t say Nolan didn’t show his hand from the start.
4.
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That same general concept—that the movie we’re watching is actually the knock-on effect of a movie we’ll only glimpse, or maybe never even see—underpins Nolan’s latest movies, Interstellar and Tenet, too. Interstellar has some concepts that are iffy even for Nolan (it makes total sense for someone to do something for another out of love, but somewhat less sense that that love somehow reshapes the physical universe), but it’s still a big, bold approach to exploring how time and perception shape our actions. As the film follows its core group of astronauts while they search for potentially habitable new worlds, they encounter strange visions and experiences that turn out to be their handiwork from the future reflected back at them. Sure, it raises the paradoxical question of whether they had a first mission before this that failed, so now their future selves are intervening to make the second one (which feels like the first one to the astronauts the whole time) successful, and all sorts of other stuff that your sophomore-year roommate would like to talk with you about in great detail. But so much of what we see isn’t the stuff that happens, or that winds up being important. There’s the great scene where the astronauts land on a planet near a black hole, which is wreaking havoc on how time passes on the planet. A minor disaster delays their departure for the main ship still in orbit, but when the landing team returns, they find that more than 20 years have “passed” since they left, with the one remaining team member on the ship having spent more than two decades waiting for them to return. It’s a moment of genuine horror, and it underscores the fact that what we thought was the one true reality was just the perspective of a handful of characters we happened to follow for a few minutes. There were whole things happening that changed the plot and story and direction of everything that would follow, and we never saw them; we didn’t even know we’d missed them.
Tenet is, of course, the latest and most recursive exploration yet of Nolan’s obsession with showing us a story that turns out to be mostly fake. It is almost perversely hard to even begin to explain the film (Google “Tenet timeline infographic” and have fun). One way to think about it is to imagine if the two timeline halves from Memento somehow existed at the same time, with people moving both forward and backward through time while inhabiting the same location. Basically, some scientists figured out how to “invert” the basic entropy of objects, so that they exist backward: you hold out your hand and the ball on the ground leaps up into it, because you’ve dropped it in the future, so now you can pick it up, etc. … Look, it doesn’t get easier to understand.
The upshot is, though, that we spend the film following the Protagonist (that’s his name), a CIA agent played by John David Washington, as he’s tasked with tracking down the source of the inverted stuff to figure out what’s unfolding in the future and why it’s suddenly started to make itself known in the present. He gets marginally closer to understanding the truth by the end of the film, but because this is a Nolan film that is maybe more expressly about the nature of reality than anything he’s ever done, his journey doesn’t so much take him forward as it does in a large circle. Because, and stop me if you’ve heard this, the true story of Tenet is taking place outside the Protagonist’s actions and knowledge, alongside him but invisible, often steered by people who themselves are moving “backward” through time and thus have already met the Protagonist in the future and are old friends with him by the time he meets them in his youth. Even more brain-liquefying, some of these people have been working under the orders of the Protagonist himself—the future version, that is—because his past self has already achieved the victories that allowed him to send the future people backward through time to meet his younger self so they’d achieve the victories that allow him to etc., etc., etc.
With Tenet, Nolan didn’t just make a movie that challenged perception, like Memento, or that dwelt in fiction, like Inception. He made a movie that can only be understood (to whatever degree true understanding is possible) by rewatching the movie itself, over and over, as the multiple timelines and harrowingly complex bits of cause and effect come into some kind of focus. The whole movie itself isn’t happening, in a sense, but is just the ramifications of something else, the echoes of a shout whose origin we’re straining to pinpoint. It both is and isn’t.
5.
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Christopher Nolan is a talented director of action-driven suspense thrillers. He’s canny at controlling the audience’s emotions, and he knows how to put on a dazzling show. Plus he’s fantastic at picking when to deploy non-computer-generated effects for maximum impact. But you could say that about a lot of other directors, too. What sets Nolan apart from the rest, and what makes him a director to keep watching and returning to, is the teasing way his movies wind up being just deceptive enough to fool you into thinking that you know what’s going on, then just harsh enough to disabuse you of that notion. Looking at what seems to drive him, I don’t think Tenet is his best movie-movie, but it’s his most-Nolan movie. It’s almost a culmination of his continuing efforts to tell stories where what you see and what actually happens are two different things. It’s not that he makes puzzles to solve. There is no solving these movies. Rather, it’s that he sculpts these delicate artifacts that only let you see two dimensions at a time, never all three, no matter how you twist your head. Craning back and forth, you can almost see the whole thing, but not quite. Some part of it will always have to exist in your memory. And that’s where Christopher Nolan likes to be.
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faedawayyy · 3 years ago
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ALL GENERATIONS OF CARMICHAELS aesthetics here. 
GRANDPARENTS.
hank carmichael (- grandfather of the family, grew up in a wealthy family in london & gained control of his family’s multimillion dollar film company by killing his older brother, who was supposed to take it over.    sylvia carmichael - the daughter of a widowed russian man. she moved to london at 16 to model and was cast in several films from hank’s studio before they met and married.  
PARENTS/AUNTS/UNCLES. 
edwin carmichael - (eldest son) a very successful real estate agent, he came out as gay when he was 14 and was bullied a lot but has refused to not be proud. theatre enthusiast and married jonah when he was 45 & adopted ruby from italy as a baby. 
james carmichael - (second eldest son) an ambitious visionary, a creative and worked with hank from the age of 15 on the film studio. it’s always been his passion but he also got greedy later in life and dabbled in a lot of crime which got out of hand.  jonathan carmichael - (youngest son - written by synn) so how I imagine Jonathan is that he is very strict with Theo, and has held him to the standard of “why can’t you be more like Anastasia and Leo?”  I always imagined he was a bit jealous James was head of the company, and really wanted to be it too. However, I feel like he’s doing what he can to keep a “my life is going exactly how I imagined it” façade, and won’t really voice his frustrations other than with Theo and his wife behind closed doors (important to note this doesn’t mean any form of physical abuse. Only verbal). I feel like he’s kinda excited that Theo is coming around to more acting because it’s closer to what he wanted for him, but he won’t admit to it ofc  hes a bit salty with Theo for not wanting to marry Margaret even though that’s what HE wanted, like with brody and Disney and Kendall and mason. elizabeth carmichael - (oldest daughter) she got married incredibly young to the man hank pushed her towards and it was toxic from the get-go. when she fell pregnant, he left her and she spent all of her twenties as a single parent raising marcus. she’s now the cool rich aunt. 
cynthia billings - (youngest child) also married the man she was pushed towards - an owner of a successful restaurant chain - and it worked out like a fairytale. they live in lilac heights. cynthia is a complete disney adult and proud, basically a big kid. 
SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
patricia carmichael - (wife of james) she never wanted to marry james in the beginning but her dad, who was the governor of new hampshire at the time, knew hank and thought it was a brilliant idea. she’s artistic, passive, quiet, idealistic and the calm to james’ bold and abrupt nature. she grew to love him and lived most of her life in his shadow. 
jonah carmichael >> edwin’s husband  agatha carmichael >> jonathan’s husband laurence billings >> cynthia’s huband 
THE GRANDCHILDREN - age order/the characters in the same block are around the same age (oldest/middles/youngest) 
theodore carmichael (?) - (jonathan’s son, played by synn)  denver billings (29) - (oldest son of cynthia) - went through college and trained to be a doctor before deciding against it & travelling the world, a backpacker, owns a camper van, homosexaul, responsible. (sam claflin)  anastasia carmichael (28) - (oldest of james, played by zoë) - driven and intelligent, business-minded and has a great eye for fashion. never wants to disappoint her parent or grandparents but has recently divorced her husband, ryden banks. (elsa hosk) iris billings (27) - (second oldest of cynthia) - worked as a fashion journalist in los angeles for the longest time & was constantly made to feel less than because of her body and size. at 26, she threw in the towel and ditched city life for the east coast. she now lives in her grandparents hamptons holiday home and is starting a fresh. (nicola coughlan)  leonardo carmichael (27) - (second oldest of james, played by katie) - leo’s the oldest son of james and often put on a pedestal because of it. he was raised to be an all-rounder and has the typical mindset of a carmichael man. however, unlike his younger brother, he often fails to meet the extra expectations on his love life and avoids settling with the girl his parents want for him. (chad michael murray)  marcus carmichael (27) - (son of elizabeth) - elizabeth’s child. despite their money, he grew up seeing the heartache and crap his dad put her through and became hardened through that. he also did a lot of underhand and shady jobs for james, landing him in jai once or twice. (bill skarsgaard)  hayley billings (26) - (third oldest of cynthia) - hayley started living with a boyfriend none of her family approved of when she was 16. he was 42. she dropped out of school and worked at his bar in london, cutting of the rest of the family when they objected. her boyfriend - shocker - turned out to be a piece of shit and majorly abusive. 10 years later, she’s escaped him and has plucked up the courage to move back home and is reconnecting with the family. (victoria pendretti)  mason carmichael (26)  - (third oldest of james) - mason’s artistic and on the more introverted side of the family. even though he’s praised in his own way, he’s always felt like he needs to be more like brody and leo. his love life is definitely in the spotlight just as much as his projects. (austin butler)  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- brody carmichael (25) - (fourth oldest of james) - the product of being raised on “masculinity”. in high school, he was a sports star, he’s always been a charmer and never learned how to lose. people would call him a mini-leo but it quickly became clear who the real favourite was when he made his relationship with disney official. despite the aggressive drinking problem, it’s been hard for any of his siblings to impress their parents quite as much. (zac efron)  marie billings (24) - (fourth oldest of cynthia) - her mothers daughter, a lover of fantasy, magic and romance and never wants to grow up. she works as a primary school teacher & adores it. yet, she struggles to actually date/branch out like most do. her expectations and daydreams of romance are more fulfilling than the real thing to her. (sophie turner/saorise ronan)  ruby rosini (23) - (edwin’s daughter, played by nadine)   miles carmichael (22) - (second youngest of james) - cynical, sarcastic and the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family. miles is massively introverted and the least enthusiastic about any family gathering. last year he found out he isn’t james’ biological son and has felt disconnected ever since. (hero finneas-tifin) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------betty billings (21) - (fifth oldest of cynthia) - betty simply hates the idea of having to work. she’s dramatic and extroverted and the family’s kim kardashian. she has star quality, for sure and a ton of charisma. she’s a shop-a-holic and people struggle to get her to do anything else. (olivia holt)  bella carmichael (19) - (youngest of james, played by nadine) - bella is the youngest child of james and has burnt out. after being thrown into ballet, sports, tutoring and every other class you can imagine from the age of 4, she’s done with teachers and being an over-achiever. bella hasn’t been herself since her dad’s “death” but is very good at hiding it to the point where everyone thinks she’s doing amazing. (anna bruevla/katherine newton/elle fanning)  hadley billings (18) (twin, youngest of cynthia) - hadley is the oldest of the billings twins by five minutes. he’s vegan and an animal lover and very interested in politics. he is an anti-carmichael man in the sense that he shows more than anger, saddness and horniness in his emotional range. very gentle and arguably the nicest cousin. (ross lynch)  freddy billings (18) (twin, youngest of cynthia) - freddy is the youngest and also the brightest of the bunch by far, to the point where an IQ test dubbed him a genius at just 7. he was put into all sorts of competitions and given all kinds of scholarships. but because teachers and adults love him so much, he’s also a little shit, the definition of a class clown. he doesn’t work hard to achieve, he just does and that’s what annoys people the most. (romeo beckham) 
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lumilasi · 3 years ago
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I saw this in my feed and since I was pretty bored and FINALLY free from the said boredom, figured I could do this one. I generally enjoy question based tags, especially if they relate to art/writing/fandom/are some general things about favorite colors, music, foods, things about your home country etc.
(basically, you can tag me in stuff similar to listed above things and I’ll probably do them if I see them/have time lmao)
Fic Writer Questions!
How many works do you have on AO3? 
44 total. I used to have more but I’ve deleted an old Bleach one I knew I’d never continue to write, and two bnha ones for the same reason (those two were also at the very beginning stages so nobody missed a lot anyway)
What's your total AO3 wordcount? 
4 269 068......wow. It’s even MORE than I even imagined. Over 4 million words. 
....Someone take my writing tools away from me lmao
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
 Three. I started with MCU, moved on to Bleach and now I’ve done most ofr BNHA
What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 
Crossroads - 3069 
Family Secrets - 3015 
Reanimate - 1534 
The neighbor - 809 
Espada and Fraccion - 782
.....Admittedly this list surprised me. Not the first three but the last two. The fifth is an one shot for Bleach that I wrote AGES ago. I also for some reason expected this list to match the bookmark list more lmao
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I always try to respond to every comment I get, but often times when it’s just one word or a heart emoji I don’t really know what to say, so I might not reply to those. I do appreciate every comment I get, and read every single one, even if I don’t respond
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? 
I don’t do angst endings typically, but Family Secrets is probs the most obvious choice, given what happens at the end. 
- and its not even the real end, because I couldn’t help myself and made two more stories for the AU that was like “hey! this character I made you all love so much actually DIDN’T die, he just had unfinished business back home” lmao
Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written? 
Rarely, typically they’re between my own fics (the story that crosses the paths of Crossroads and Family Secrets AU’s, literally titled Crossover, creative name I know OTL I was out of ideas) 
Or between me and other people’s fics. Currently there’s two, both with Crossroads: one with Theteapotofdoom’s fic Something Good, and another with leontheneon’s fic Here with you. Both stories are basically a two part series that is non canon to actual Crossroads. The first story is finished, second one has two chapters left...that...I uh...struggle to write it seems OTL
(not tagging either person into this because Tea is very busy IRL right now so I don’t want to bother her, and Leon hasn’t been around in ages, IDK if they even use tumblr anymore)
Have you ever received hate on a fic? 
Not really no? I can only remember one time with somebody kind of demanding me to completely rewrite one fic in the past. It wasn’t really hate, more just...kinda unreasonable in my eyes? This was years ago by now.
While I did understand their side and the particular struggle they had (once they actually explained it, the first comment at the time came off pretty rude and demanding), I still feel them wanting me to re-write an entire multi-chapter fic just for them is a bit unreasonable, like said.
Like it wasn’t just couple of grammatical errors that was their issue, we’re talking weeks and even months long process of completely reworking multi-chapter story, because the grammar wasn’t tip top perfect. (I’m not a native speaker so there’s bound to be some mistakes; pointing out small occasional things is one thing - asking me to rewrite an entire multi-chapter story is another)
You can imagine that is not exactly high on my priorities list with IRL responsibilities and being more focused on the actual content of what I write, the ongoing stories I’m updating. This fic isn’t even finished yet either, so...yeah. Like after they explained their side of the story I was a bit more understanding, but its still....a bit ridiculous and unreasonable in my eyes to ask somebody to do such a massive overhaul when the story isn’t even finished yet?? Like maybe once its done and I have time I can go and edit it, but not when I haven’t even finished it lmao
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
Nah. I don’t care about smut a whole lot personally. I much more enjoy writing emotional scenes, character interactions and mystery. Plot over porn basically lmao 
Have you ever had a fic stolen? 
I don’t...do people actually do this? It feels like such a weird and pointless thing to do. It’s fanfic. stuff you write for fun and for free, for people to read for free. I’d also imagine its pretty easy to get caught given AO3 shows when you first posted your story. 
Have you ever had a fic translated?
 Yes, a couple of times. In Russian and I think other one was Chinese?
Have you ever co-written a fic before? 
Writing the crossovers was kinda that? Like I asked feedback from Tea and Leon on how to write them. there was also actually third crossover story that was supposed to happen (only I wasn’t going to be the one to write it) but this project has been shelved as the other person had to drop majority of online activity due to some IRL health related things. (I’m just glad they recently contacted me to inform they were doing better)
What’s your all time favorite ship? 
Right now it’s..probably pretty obvious its Shigadabi, but I can never really say any ship is my all time fave, as it always changes depending on the fandom lmao. 
I guess my favorite character x proper sleep/emotional stability/happiness will always be the OTP
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
Oof. I always try to finish every single one, and if I absolutely know I won’t, I tend to just delete them. Thankfully I’ve only done it thrice. Which I guess is still a lot, but compared to how much I write, in context not really? 
What are your writing strengths?
From what I’ve gathered of feedback, its typically emotional moments/character dialogue and interaction/character arcs and so. Mystery plots too. Or maybe that last one is just me lmao
What are your writing weakness?
Personally, while I tend to get positive feedback on both, sometimes I feel like I struggle to choose a good pacing for a fic, and fight scenes are always a pain. Namely, I might struggle with making the pace too long-winded and slow sometimes. Ironically, my IRL update pacing is probs a bit too fast in turn. (To add another layer of irony, I got an update ready for Unravel that I’ll post after making this tag)
Also writing shorter stories. I’ve been trying to write one-shots more (like the Spinaraki series thing) to kinda try and get myself to pack up my stories better and not let them always spiral out of control haha
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I did try to do that once with a fic I deleted, I had a native speaker help me with the canadian french bits. This person is no longer active on tumblr, and I deleted that fic because I realized I’d never finish it. 
Technically tho, as a non-native English speaker, EVERY word is in other language to me lmao. I could only add Finnish as an extra one easily, and it rarely makes sense to do so anyway.
What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? 
MCU. It’s what I originally made my AO3 for, as I felt brave enough to post things. I also can’t remember writing fandom related stuff before that, it was typically more oc related. Writing fics has helped me learn a lot about world-building, character consistency and all that stuff, without having to make everything from scratch (tho I do enjoy doing that as well of course). I feel like my original work writing has improved too thanks to my fic writing shenanigans in a way lmao. Tho that might just be me, IDK
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? 
Oooof. This changes a lot depending on the time. I can never really pick just one either: my current favorites are Stringmaster, The neighbor and Family Secrets
Stringmaster because I love building the Steampunk AU, and Tomura’s relationship with Dabi and his Sensei, The neighbor because I personally think the romance build up in that one is probably one of the best I’ve done so far (the character dialogue in that is among my favorites I’ve written as well) and FS, because it taught me a lot about character building through writing a character like Hisashi.
 Plus I just really like Hisashi. 
And baby Izuku and little Tenko are super adorable. 
And Inko is the best mum.
 Also the fact the whole story is so ironic in a sense its still kinda funny to me. 
The only writer I know that might be around rn is @nightlilly0110 soo...I guess I’ll tag them if they want to do this! Anybody who’s a writer can snatch this too of course ;)
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the-last-cuddlebender · 4 years ago
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hi! if youre still taking requests could you do the gaang doing dumbassery because they are all dumbasses? (if you want) anyways ur cool have a nice day
Aw, thanks, Anon🥰 I’ll raise you one better and give you Christmas-themed-Modern!AU dumbassery (feat. Zuko, Sokka, and Aang)
Words: 973
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Zuko approached the house with a slack jaw and a firm questioning of...well, of everything. He blinked three times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, and he immediately wanted to walk away when he realized he wasn’t imagining things. He had developed a sixth sense for knowing when he needed to have plausible deniability, and his instincts were screaming at him to get away from there.
Why. And why today. He was too tired for this.
“What…” Zuko struggled to find the ability to string his thoughts together. ‘Confused’ wasn’t a strong enough word to describe what he was feeling. He was concerned, for certain, and for many reasons. Some of it was for his own sake, but most of it was for his dwindling hope that humanity, as a collective, would be able to evolve forwards ever again. “...What is he doing?”
Sokka shrugged and didn’t look away from the warning-label-in-the-making wandering around on the roof. He lifted the lower half of his face out of his powder-coated jacket and accepted his fiancé’s greeting-gift of hot cocoa—extra marshmallows and a little gingerbread-man on top because being extra had its perks when Zuko got in trouble.
“He’s trying,” Sokka said between sips.
Zuko stared at the roof and the confused monk on top of it. And as he watched Aang gamble his life amongst the snowy shingles, he couldn’t help but have the same feeling of watching a documentary on National Geographic where he knew the baby deer was going to be killed and couldn’t do anything about it.
“But what is he trying?”
Sokka shrugged again. “‘Dunno. I’m just here to keep him company and to catch him when he falls off the roof again.”
“Again?”
Sokka spared him the same half-lidded gaze he had been giving their tattooed brother (in all but blood). “You were his teacher, Zuko. You should know he can be a pretty slow learner, sometimes.”
Zuko rubbed his growing headache and fought the urge to pound his head into the nearest tree. Aang was on the highest point of the roof and tangled in what had to be forty or so feet of Christmas lights. Thankfully, he had stopped waddling in a circle in his vain search for freedom and plopped into a seat in the snow. If the inevitable two-story fall didn’t kill him, then hypothermia definitely would. Born and raised in the mountains or not, he had no business wearing only jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with the damn sleeves rolled up to his elbows (the shirt was reindeer themed and had ‘Naughty List Advocate’ printed across the chest).
Sokka sipped his hot cocoa. Zuko contemplated his place in the universe. “...She’s going to kill us for letting him do this,” he said.
“Oh, don’t worry.” Sokka slung an arm around Zuko’s shoulders and tugged them together. He gestured with his cup of cocoa towards the arrowed human hazard. “Katara won’t spill blood around the holidays. She’s too much of a goodie-goodie. Besides, this is Aang’s first Christmas. She wouldn’t dare mess it up for him.”
Zuko scowled but looked thoughtful. “I guess it is, technically, his first Christmas. Has he really only been here for less than a year?”
“Eight months. Feels a lot longer than that. And don’t worry too much about him falling from the roof. He pretty much lived up there for the first few weeks he moved in.”
“...Why?”
“He missed the altitude.”
“Ah.”
A small avalanche slid off the roof and plopped into a heap in front of them. The Christmas lights were all somehow turned on and probably an electrical hazard with how taut they were pulled, and Aang paused for breath from trying to free himself of his cocoon of pretty colors. He moped—nearly pouting—in a way that made them fight the urge to hug him and donate to an ASPCA commercial.
“Has he even seen Christmas lights before?”
Sokka smiled from ear to ear. “Nooooope,” he said, suspiciously happy.
“And you didn’t bother correcting him on…,” Zuko gestured to Aang’s creative stringing of lights, “...whatever that is?”
“He knows what Google is. He can look it up if he wants to.”
“Does he, though? Does he really?” Zuko shook his head. “Someone has to tell him.”
“I think it’s cute. Let him figure out what it means to him all on his own.”
“Hey, Sokka!” Aang shouted from two sheer stories above them. “Are all of the lights working—Oh, hey, Zuko!” The overgrown golden retriever disguised as their best friend smiled down at them with a floodlight’s intensity. He flailed his freed arm like one of those inflatable things in front of car dealerships. “What do you think? Pretty cool, right? I’ve been working on it all day!”
“Yeah, I can see that!” Zuko said. Sokka cackled, and Zuko elbowed him. “It looks...It looks very nice, Aang! Just be careful, okay?”
“I am, don’t worry! I’ve fallen from higher places back at the Temple!”
Zuko gave Sokka a pointed look. “You still think he’s going to learn?”
“Point taken.” Sokka passed Zuko his hot cocoa so he could cup his hands over his mouth. “Hey, Aang! I think that’s enough! It looks really good, but you don’t wanna overdo it! It’ll be too bright!”
“But...But I still have so much left to do!”
“Can’t you finish it later?” Zuko yelled. “You’ll catch your death out here if you don’t put on a jacket!”
Aang ignored that last part. “I can’t stop! Katara is going to be home in a few hours, and I have to have the lights up before she gets here! It’s a surprise!”
Sokka cupped Zuko’s mouth with one hand and projected his voice with the other. “Okay, that’s fine, then! Just be careful, okay? We’ll be right here if you need us!”
Aang nodded so fast that his head threatened to come off his shoulders. “I will! Thanks, guys!”
Sokka released Zuko’s mouth, and Zuko mumbled through his forced smile so Aang couldn’t see him talking. “You do realize that if he gets so much as a scratch, then our lives are forfeit, right?”
Sokka laughed a little, shrugged yet again, and sipped his cocoa some more.
Zuko rolled his eyes so hard that it was a miracle he didn’t go blind. “Do you have to have a deathwish for Christmas?”
“Eh, it’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Right on cue, Aang appeared as if he had been summoned—first as a startled yelp, then as a snowballing cocoon of lights, and then as a projectile.
Luckily, Zuko caught him.
Not so luckily, Zuko hadn’t meant to catch him.
...Zuko’s broken arm throbbed just as badly as his headache, and Aang—lying in the hospital bed right next to him and admiring the little Christmas wreaths and snowflakes Katara drew on his leg’s cast (she even colored a blue line to show where his tattoo wound down his leg)—wasn’t exactly helping him.
He was way, way too tired for this.
Zuko made the mistake of looking at his companion-in-cast. Aang’s puppy-dog eyes were internationally ranked, and they disabled Zuko’s ability to say ‘no’ when he asked if he could pretty please make up for breaking his arm by decorating his cast for him.
(‘Creative’ wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the end result...But Zuko really did like the pair of red and green dragons. They had antlers and snowy-white beards, and the fire they breathed looked like Christmas lights thrown into a blender. It made the nauseating amount of permanent-marker-smell completely worth it.)
Every few hours, Sokka brought them greeting-gifts of hot cocoa and fruit cakes—extra marshmallows and moonpeach-flavored gooey centers because being extra had its perks when Katara was contemplating her allowance of her brother’s and her future brother-in-law’s continued existences.
Aang meekly showed Katara the little drawing he made of what he intended their roof to look like.
She kissed his frown away and practically lived on the roof for the next two days to make it happen.
Once the lights were lit, a small crowd gathered around their house like how people did when they saw a car accident.
But Aang couldn’t have been happier, and, when he slung his arms around their shoulders and thanked them for making his first Christmas that much brighter, Zuko and Sokka couldn’t not smile along with their brother (in all but blood) if they tried.
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fineillsignup · 4 years ago
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I heard you wrote your own favorite book. What makes it your favorite? (Pls feel free to gush about the thing you love.)
Well it’s Crimmis night here on the best coast of Canada, and after a lot of holiday stress, as I gaze at our lovable, badly decorated tree (we realized too late that all three strings of Christmas tree lights were broken, at which point we could not find Christmas tree lights in the stores and it was too late for shipping, because we put our real tree up later so we can keep it up until January 6th... anyway long story short [too late] we put up a single string of outdoor lights on the tree. it looks very odd), it is time to give a Christmas gift to myself and answer this ask which has been aging in my inbox for a week or two like a delicious jar of homemade pickles.
I have six completed works on AO3 of 40k words or more, and actually two of those works are over 200k and should actually be split up into two books. Queen’s Choice(s) should be split into chapters 1-19 (the lovers navigate their way into a relationship, though with rumblings of unresolved issues and warnings of danger) and chapters 20-36 (they vanquish the danger while also resolving internal issues). Clouds and Rain should be split 1-19 (the hero and heroine get together and make possible the alliance) and 20-35 (the allied forces fight to unify and reform the Han dynasty).
I love all of these works, but I would say I am proudest of Clouds and Rain.
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Okay I want y’all to look at those dates of the publishing of the chapters. I published new chapters in 2016 very frequently and then in September of 2016....... I stopped.
I managed to trickle out a chapter in 2018 that was basically what I had already written before writer’s block slammed into me back in the fall of 2016.
And then. Then! Look what happened in 2019. THE MUSE CAME BACK!!!
I banged out chapters 27 to 36 in roughly six weeks.
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Rereading Clouds and Rain always makes me feel hopeful about all my other projects. Like yes! You can burn out. That’s okay! You will come back when you are ready to tell this story again. Over two years I had writer’s block about this work.
It is also a reminder that, for me, guilt, anxiety, and insecurity are the enemy of imaginative energy. I wrote a great deal of Clouds and Rain with no intention of ever letting anyone else read it but me. Then I wrote again at great speed when my mind was back in the space that the only reader who mattered was me.
I do love external validation—I mean look at me here on Tumblr—and I can power through some creative projects like translation (translation is creative and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise at a later date) or crafting even when motivation lags. But with writing, I just can’t. I can’t hear the characters or picture them if I am having anxiety about how fast I am coming up with the scenario.
I don’t think there’s a single correct, effective way to be a writer that works for every human, and that’s the problem with a lot of writing advice. “Write thousands of words a day or fuck all” is who I am on some fundamental level that no amount of “Just write 500 words a day! Make it a habit! Just write whatever comes into your head!” advice can fix. And a lot of writing advice when I was younger made me feel like I was a bad writer—even a bad person—for not being able to pull myself by my bootstraps out of writer’s block.
So even if for no other reason, Clouds and Rain would be important to me as a symbol of an accomplishment, an accomplishment I did for me, because this is the tiniest of fandoms when it comes to English speakers and I made it an epic length delve into all my own personal likes and dislikes. It is supremely self-indulgent. It is almost totally impossible to turn this text into something “marketable” because it is based on an enormous cast of characters with Chinese names that English speakers struggle to differentiate and lots and lots and LOTS of history and geography. It has 85 kudos, and when you subtract probable pity kudos, those are probably the only 75 people in the world who can enjoy this work that took me over three years to complete. It is basically useless! “Fuck capitalism and the Protestant work ethic!” is the message I want you to take away from what I did with my time here. “I like this! It makes me happy!”
At the same time, exactly because it’s just me and those 75 other people among the billions who like this work, I couldn’t expect anyone else to make it or anything like it. I wanted to read a bizarre, shamelessly revisionist about women’s role in society, pick and choose facts, pick and choose laws of nature, alternate ancient Chinese historical epic (that borrows tropes heavily from regency romance) with twenty-six POV characters. And that was only going to exist if I wrote it. So I did. And now I can reread it whenever I want! There is intrigue! Plot twists! People are in love! Someone calls Zhuge Liang a smug fan waving motherfucker and I force Liu Bei to chug respect women juice! It’s everything I wanted, from me to me.
So that is why Clouds and Rain is my favourite book. What is my book? Well, this is what it is: my book that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine. That is my book, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.
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I was wondering, could you please further analyze/explain the powers of seer of space? Thanks!
Oh goodness, my past analyses have already come to haunt me haha /light-hearted /joking
But, of course, especially because this is a Classpect relating to one of my own characters!
The Seer of Space, upon awakening to the true potential of their powers, would be someone you could never truly hide from. They are capable of seeing all that there is within the vast expanse of space, the universe, and things relating to celestial bodies. If you were to go stargazing with a Seer of Space, they would be able to not only find, identity, and list down all known constellations, but would also be able to point out which stars are actually planets, milky ways, suns, as well as ones that have already died. A Seer of Space is someone who simply knows where everything and everyone is at all times, and while they may struggle in shifting through what knowledge of Space they exactly want and what they would rather leave to be discovered later or by somewhere else, they can just as easily learn how to organize their thoughts and what they exactly wish to know.
As mentioned before, as much as they are capable of knowing where something is, they can just as easily know where someone is, hence why you can never truly hide from a Seer of Space. Being able to invite knowledge of Space also means being able to know what is taking up space in a certain area, which makes the Seer a near-omniscient being in regards to being aware of their surroundings. As much as I like to joke about how the Seer of Space would be quite the clutz at the beginning of their life, as they wouldn’t have much spatial awareness, there would most likely have some support to that. After all, the Seer of Space is aware of the space others occupy, why should they not learn to be mindful of the space they themself occupy? As such, they would most definitely become someone who, once they harness their powers, would learn to have the grace levels of a violent swan.
Now, in regards to having this power of knowing where something and someone is, the Aspect of Space is one that can mean the deep darkness that rests just outside of our atmosphere, but it can also refer to the literal space we have in our lives. This is why, upon reaching access to their powers, they would become far more aware of not only what rests in the depths of Space, but also have more awareness of, well, everything around them. Because of this, they could play a rather important role in their group of players, specifically outside of frog-breeding. If the group, or even one player, needed to know where an extremely important item is, whether it is to beat the final boss, complete their Planet’s Quest, or what have you, then the Seer of Space would be your go-to person for such a thing, as all they would have to do is invite such knowledge as to the location for this item.
If the Seer of Space were to be part of a null session meant to be Scratched/Reset, and them and their group were able to escape being erased and instead find a ride to the Alpha Session, then the Seer of Space is someone who could become a type of Ultimate Navigator for the group. While it’s opposing Aspect of Time is about the onward march towards the end of life, the Seer of Space’s Aspect is that of patience, wait-and-see, and prosperity when there is hardships. After all, the universe is constantly full of life and death of various celestial bodies, but from that destruction, there will eventually come something new. The Seer of Space will come to learn and understand this, and may even incorporate it into their life. While this could lead to some very spontaneous bursts of destruction from the Seer, they would most likely say that doing such a thing now leaves more room for something new and better to come in its place.
They are someone who could see the potential within everyone and everything around them to become better than they were before, no matter how problematic someone was in the past or how broken an item may be - the Seer of Space loves a good project, especially if someone tells the Seer that fixing it is only a waste of time. Once the Seer of Space makes their mind up on something, it can be extremely difficult to change the Seer of Space’s mind on something, so it often is best to let them experience failure on their own time. Though honestly, the Seer of Space is one who often doesn’t allow for things like hardships, trials, and trauma hold them back from living their best life. Due to them enjoying a good project once in a while, they are also someone who would have quite the creative and imaginative mind. However, one of their many flaws is that they rarely, if ever, fully see a project through to completion. In the midst of one project, they will often gain more knowledge of a new opportunity for creativity elsewhere, and so they will drop their current project to go and work on the other one, leaving the other project to become forgotten about and never finished. This could lead to quite the big problem when it comes to frog-breeding, which is why they would most definitely need the help of a patient Knight or Time-bound player, depending on what their session calls for.
Finally, the Seer of Space is both one of the most pacifist people you could meet, but also is one of the most vicious of the Seers. Space-bound tend to lean more towards observing their foes, waiting for the right time to swoop in and join a battle. Add on the Seer Class to such a skill of patience and master-levels of observing, and you have someone who is essentially a type of ticking time-bomb. When the Seer of Space strikes, their enemy will most definitely realize that from this point onward, there will be no turning back. The Seer of Space is a pro when it comes to picking and choosing which battles, and so whether they do partake in a battle with someone, or simply ignore and brush them off, either one will most likely be a cause of hurt towards one pride or it will be a moment of pure terror for whoever is on the antagonistic side in either of these scenarios. When the Seer of Space strikes, though, chances are they will know exactly where they can land a blow that will leave the most damage. As such, it would be extremely unwise to provoke such a thing from the Seer, for they will either laugh you off or release a power that is truly terrifying to witness. The void of space, as beautiful as it is, can be quite suffocating and cold, after all.
I hope this helps to give a little bit of a better understanding, Anon, in regards to the Seer of Space’s powers!
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bluerosesburnblue · 4 years ago
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You know what it’s always a good time for?
Dwyn Sibling Angst
(This one’s a big one so I’m putting the explanation under the cut)
So who remembers the Patronus sidequest?
Way, way back when I posted that first ever bio of Jacob and Seren I made brief mention of Patronuses, namely what theirs would be and the fact that Seren would not be able to cast it unless Jacob was found alive. I later made brief mention that I’d finalized the Patronuses to a Sea Lion for Jacob and a Common Seal for Seren, but I never actually elaborated on why Seren would have trouble with the spell
That’s because I started this stupid, elaborate project back when the quest came out and just never finished it, so here we go. Let’s finally talk about Seren’s Patronus issues
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I have this tendency when applying sidequests to Seren to just make up my own timeline that’s completely divorced from both what year the quest claims it takes place in and what year I actually ended up playing it in. In the case of Unleash Your Patronus, I actually do put it in Year 4 like the game suggests and not Year 5 when I played it
The Patronus Charm, as far as we know, has three requirements: strong magical skill, a “worthy” heart, and the ability to muster up and sustain a happy memory
Pass, pass, hard fail
Seren is not a happy person. I wouldn’t even say she’s a positive person. If it looks like she’s being positive, it is almost always performative to try and ease someone else’s nerves. This girl is a giant ball of nerves that gets angstier and more traumatized every year and she cannot shut her emotions off. Not that she can’t be happy, she can, but it’s far from her default state since the anxiety tends to run through worst case scenarios all the time
Complicating things is that her happiest memories are all things involving Jacob, who is decidedly not there. The reason I set this in Year 4 is because we don’t even have the Forest Vault message that he’s in the next Vault yet. He could legitimately be dead for all anyone knows in Year 4. So positive memories are of Jacob which, oops, reminds her that he’s still gone. Which then triggers the worst case scenario machine that is her brain
So, alright, let’s assume that Seren manages to shove that down. She’s just focusing on the memory, maybe even repeating “I’m gonna find him and we’re gonna do that thing from our childhoods again” to keep from getting distracted. Cue the actual form of Seren’s Patronus
I picked the Common Seal and Sea Lion for the Dwyns for a variety of reasons. I was already giving them the same Animagus form, figured I’d switch it up for the Patronuses. Make them “related” and symbolizing similar things, but not the same (also reference that merperson heritage). I’ve also always been a fan of the idea that sometimes particularly strong memories can shape the Patronus thanks to the fact that sometimes people with an obsession with an animal have their Patronuses take that form, and then there’s this quote:
"[...] the Patronus often mutates to take the image of the love of one's life (because they so often become the 'happy thought' that generates a Patronus)."
And now we have the earliest memory Seren has. She’s three years old and Jacob’s eight. They go to the aquarium. It’s one of the few times they’ve ever gone out somewhere as a family and she’s just completely enamored with the whole thing. She really falls in love with how cute and graceful the seals are, to the point where she spends part of the trip after they’ve moved closer to the gift shop camped out with the seal plushies just... looking at ‘em. Jacob notices and convinces their parents to buy her one. It’s her absolute favorite toy as a kid, and one of the few things she brings to Hogwarts every year, without fail
It’s not a memory she thinks of much. It wasn’t even the memory she was using to call forth her Patronus, despite being her first happy memory. And yet, there it is, played out in front of her in a brilliant light show. This time, though, Jacob isn’t there. Fighting down the instinct to whirl around and show it to him is just another reminder that he hasn’t been found yet and may never be and what if he isn’t-
-and it’s gone.
So even if Seren manages to fight through her natural tendency to make everything worse in her head, what her Patronus looks like will just send her spiraling right back into it. And once she sees it the first time - that’s it. Now she knows what her Patronus is and dreads seeing it again so much that she can’t focus on anything else when casting it. A dread that’s strong enough that she wouldn’t be able to muster up even an incorporeal Patronus
That’s why she just can’t cast a Patronus unless Jacob’s found alive, and mentally sound, and noooooot evil
If the Vault situation isn’t resolved with a happy ending, that’s all permanent. Jacob’s evil, Jacob dies, whatever, that’s an automatic no Patronus at all. If that incident from Year 6 Chapter 18 is real and permanent but Jacob’s fine, that gives her the most inconsistent incorporeal Patronus at best and the only reason it can manifest at all is because it’s form has no ties to the spoiler character so the dread factor is gone
The best timeline will probably result in Seren being able to cast an incorporeal Patronus consistently, a corporeal Patronus fairly consistently in low-pressure scenarios, and managing to find a workaround regarding a corporeal Patronus by having Jacob just send his most terrible jokes at her via Legilimency in high-pressure situations. Even in the best case scenario, she still struggles with maintaining positivity and is riding solely on her support network
I let her become an Animagus at age 15, I had to give her some weaknesses. (Relatedly, she also struggles with Riddikulus and can only perform it consistently due to intense practice thanks to the Vault of Fear)
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Furthermore, Jacob and Seren’s Patronuses are what they are because:
Seals and Sea Lions tend to get shoved together when searching for symbolism. A Patronus represents the “hidden inner self” that is called forth in times of need. So then I have to come up with something that can represent both Jacob and Seren, but being just different enough to represent the nuances between their personalities.
Common traits associated with them are playfulness (more overt with Jacob, but Seren is still mischievous and can be goofy), creativity/big imagination (extremely applicable to both of them), adaptability (which goes hand-in-hand with their creative aspects), faith (normally self-faith. Seren lacks it so perhaps this symbolizes what she needs to develop. Both have faith in others), independence, and balance (with the two finding balance with each other, losing it, then regaining it later in life)
To separate them I looked at behavior. Seren gets the Common Seal due to their quiet nature and tendency to remain largely solitary. The introverted one
Jacob gets the Sea Lion because they’re LOUD and DON’T EVER STOP BEING LOUD and prefer being in larger groups. The (somewhat more) extroverted one
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Finally, here’s the still .png for the key frame in the .gif with the Patronus in it because I liked it a lot
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And there it is. The big Patronus explanation writeup. I’m so glad it’s done
I started this damn thing after I finished the Patronus quest. Like, the day after or even the day of. And then I stopped for some reason! And then a few months ago I was like “hey, that was almost done and Dementors are coming back into the story, why not finish it?” Didn’t get it done in time for that update. And then that update was Year 6 Chapter 18 and I lost all motivation I had
So here! Fine! Happy one year and one day anniversary of when the Patronus sidequest came out!
Now please take this thing out of my sight
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