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bananxjin · 4 years ago

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Trophy Wife || 6-1

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 7,830

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ Trigger Warnings: Light swearing, Brief mentions of a dead family member, Brief mentions of infidelity

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa, @vanillanjin

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

✨ Masterlist ✨

The weeks that followed your late arrival home were uncomfortable to say the least. If you thought Touru was overbearing before, you clearly weren’t prepared for whatever new attitude he’d come equipped with this time.

The following morning, you woke up early enough to shower and take some extra time to get ready for work. You didn’t get much sleep, and you were still upset from the night before. Not only that, but Jin had the next few days off, so you wouldn’t have any pick-me-ups from the walking ray of sunshine himself.

Then again, it’s not his job to pick you up everytime something goes wrong.

Touru was sitting in his usual spot at the kitchen table when you emerged from the bathroom, sipping coffee and going over something on his tablet with a focused glint in his eye. You took a deep breath and smoothed your blouse out, passing him in a silent stride so you could make yourself some coffee.

“Did you sleep well last night?” “Mhm.”

You bit the inside of your cheek at his curt response. The animosity in the air was something akin to the calm before the storm. You hated the anticipation that came with waiting. You could handle the arguing and the aftermath, but this silence was almost too much for you to bear.

Nevertheless, you waited. It was all you could do. With shaky hands, you carefully cupped your mug and tilted it against your lips. Inhaling through your nose as you tried to make the best out of a bad situation until Touru finally spoke up.

“About last night…” “Yeah?”

He set his tablet down and turned around in his chair so he could see you. His stern glare already told you so much about what was to come, but still you held onto hope. Held your ground with a sturdy shield as you awaited his next words.

“I want you to start sending me updates when you’re not home.”

You furrowed your brows in a silent accusation. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” He mimicked your tone. You set your coffee mug down so you could grip the edge of the counter. “I always text you where I’m at; who I’m with--”

“Except for last night.” “It was one time, Touru. And I apologized for it.” “I don’t care.” He said, forcefully standing out of his seat. “I had no idea where you were at-” “You knew I was with Yuna!”

No you weren’t.

You prayed a silent plea to your guilty conscience to just please be quiet. Just this once. It took some reaffirmation on your part before you could straighten your shoulders and look him in the eye again. A weak spot in your confidence that wouldn’t go amiss by him.

“Do I know that though, (Y/n)?” He demanded in a low tone, his nostrils flared in defiance. The question was enough to catch you off-guard. A dent in your armor that forced you to back down, and he took the opportunity to keep going. “How do I know you weren’t with him, huh? How do I know you didn’t shut your phone off so you could enjoy your evening with another man?”

“Touru…” You frowned, unable to come up with the right words to reassure him. You already struggled enough trying to convince yourself that you were allowed to find balance with your relationship and Jin’s friendship, but when you stopped to consider how you might be making your fiance feel, that all came crumbling down because deep down, you knew. You knew part of him was right to be suspicious of you, and you had no defense against that.

“I. Expect. Updates.” He enunciated each word carefully. “And if I text you, I expect you to text me back. I shouldn’t have to try to call five or six times just to make sure my fiance is okay.”

You frowned and clasped your hands in front of you, looking down at your feet instead of him. “Touru, you know I can’t be using my phone when I’m on the job--”

“Then I expect phone calls during your breaks.” He hissed, walking closer to you. “You’ve been acting awfully suspicious lately. I swear, sometimes it feels like I don’t even know the woman I’m living with.” He spat with an exasperated sigh. You couldn’t say or do anything. Once again, he’d struck down your confidence; your defiance with a sharpened spear. A reminder that he has the upper hand in this relationship, and it’s going to stay that way.

“I just… I want to know that we are secure in our relationship. It’d make me feel better to hear from you.”

“Right.” You breathed. “I understand.”

You bent for him just like you’ve always done. With the hope that things would gradually get better over time. By the end of the week at the latest, you were sure everything would be fine.

But as the days turned into weeks, Touru’s protective ways only grew stronger, and your patience grew weaker. Eventually, you started having to keep your phone in your pocket as Touru’s messages came in aggressive waves with passive-aggressive undertones.

Being part-time, your schedule wasn’t always the same, and it took some time for Touru to understand that. You found yourself having to explain on several occasions how your breaks had been scheduled for you, and just because you had a break at noon today doesn’t mean it’ll be at noon tomorrow.

Somehow you’d hoped the phone calls would be comforting in a way, like maybe having the opportunity to speak to each other would ease some of the stress, but you were sorely mistaken. Oftentimes, you’d find yourself rushing to the backroom just to avoid the brunt of his interrogation. The sooner it began, the sooner it could end.

If you didn’t call him first, then he’d call you, and god forbid the phone call went through to voicemail the first time. Just a couple days ago, you’d switched breaks with Kyla. She’d been feeling unwell, and you insisted she took hers first. It’d already been a busy day, plus you were picking up some of the extra slack for the Home department, so it completely slipped your mind to tell Touru you wouldn’t be on your break for another hour. You ended up with ten missed calls and a couple of very angry voicemails, and another night of sleeping on the couch.

The calls never lasted very long. He kept you on the line long enough to ask where you were and who you were working with that day. Occasionally he’d ask if you’d seen Seokjin if you hadn’t mentioned him. As time went on, you tried to make the calls feel a bit more personable. Cutting in with just enough time to ask if he was having a good day, or if he’d eaten lunch, but his answers were always short and curt. It took a week of consistent calling before he finally started responding when you’d tell him, “I love you”. You never told him how much that hurt you. Not since all this started, and you couldn’t shake the constant reminder that it was your fault.

Some days, he’d pick you up from work. Most days, he’d let you know, but there were a few times he “surprised” you. Although the ride wouldn’t be any more comfortable than chatting over the phone. He’d keep a straight face the whole ride home, asking about your day as soon as he saw you, and then silence. You could officially add this to the list of things you felt guilty about. Making the trip into town only made his drive home that much longer as your work was out of the way for him. It probably was a chore for him to come get you, but he never complained. Still, you couldn’t tell if he was doing this to make a point or just to make himself feel better.

On top of everything else, Jin had become seemingly worried about the new habits your fiance had picked up. As much as you appreciated Jin’s concern, it was well and truly the last thing you wanted to talk about when you weren’t having to deal with it.

“You’re sure everything’s okay?” “Yes, I’m sure, Jin!” You snapped with a strained smile after he’d asked about it for the third time, “I’ve just been picking up more hours recently, and we’re kind of busy outside of work, too. Touru’s just worried about my well-being is all.”

You didn’t feel any better about lying to Jin than you did to Touru, but what else could you do? You didn’t want Jin to see the rough edges surrounding your relationship. Not because he was an outsider, but because you were scared of what he might think if he found out. You couldn’t bear the thought of him trying to sympathize with you, or even worse, trying to fix the problems like Dahyun does. What you were afraid of more than anything was letting Jin find out how Touru feels. What he thinks about a man he’s never even met. After watching it happen with so many other friends in the past, you’d convinced yourself that Touru’s less than friendly attitude would absolutely run Jin off, and you weren’t going to let it happen. You were perfectly capable of juggling your relationship with Touru and your friendship with Jin. You were determined to do it.

Enjoy it while it lasts, you reminded yourself. Because one day, you won’t have him anymore.

Valentine’s day, and you were working the closing shift. Not that it mattered since it’s never been a holiday you and Touru celebrated as a couple. “A corporate scam” is what he always called it. Always annoyed that people were so willing to pay the price markups for chocolate in the name of romance when you could celebrate your relationship at any other time of the year, and without all the gaudy decorations.

You always understood why he wouldn’t want to celebrate it. Doesn’t mean you didn’t want to indulge in some of the cliche sappiness that came along with the holiday itself, but you weren’t about to add onto the already growing list of reasons why you and Touru shouldn’t get along.

You sighed, making your way back to the breakroom. It’s not like it was even that big of a deal this year anyway. You worked most of the day away, not to mention your relationship had been strained for nearly a month now with little petty arguments every other night. It’d been one of the longest fights you two had ever been through, and you were beginning to worry about whether or not it was ever going to end.

At least you got to enjoy it a little bit, though. Irene and Seulgi left little chocolates in the associates lockers and surprised everyone with an additional associate discount which ran through the rest of the weekend. You took some time to browse some of the Womens clothing while you were on your shift, but you didn’t see yourself getting much shopping done in the next two days.

You’d reserved this weekend to go visit wedding venues with Touru, but due to the lasting fight, he ended up cancelling two of the showings. One because he “Didn’t have the time”, and the other purely out of spite, only further dragging out the argument especially after you found out about the outrageous cancellation fees he forked out.

The thought alone had you frowning as you turned the coupon over in your hands to read about the promotional offers. Yeah. Who were you kidding? You probably wouldn’t be in the mood or even have the time to do any shopping this weekend. Oh well, you thought as you tossed the coupon back into your locker. It’s the thought that counts.

As you began pulling your belongings out, you were surprised to find a folded piece of mini cardstock fly out of your locker, and onto the floor. You raised your eyebrows in surprise as you picked it up. It was pink with white lace trim. On the front was a cartoon style picture of a s’mores with, “I need s’more friends like you!” printed underneath in an adorable font.

You couldn’t help the stupid grin spreading across your face as you opened the card up. “Happy Valentine’s day! Thank you for always being so kind to me!” Signed Jin with a little heart next to his name. It was such a simple little gesture, but one that had your heart pounding in your chest as you continued to stare at his name at the end. What a dork, stealing your signature style.

He must’ve slipped it in after you’d clocked on…

“I see you got Jin’s annual Valentine’s day card.” Kyla giggled as she opened up her locker beside yours. “Oh, yeah! He gave one to you as well?”

“Everyone gets one. He’s snuck them in our lockers every Valentine’s Day for the last three years.” She giggled, “I don’t know. I think it’s a sweet little gesture.”

You frowned looking back down at the pink paper in your hands. Of course he did this for every associate; that’s just the kind of person he was after all. “It is a pretty sweet gesture, isn’t it.” You agreed softly in response, checking to make sure Kyla wasn’t looking before you slipped the card safely into your bag.

“Yeah, but you should’ve seen the way he went all out for Seulgi last year. He left like a legit Valentine’s Day card on her desk with a pack of her favorite mini candy bars and bought her coffee. Like he did a lot.” She giggled.

“Wait, what?” Her sudden confession left you feeling a little dumbfounded. You almost knocked your head into the door of her locker when you turned to look at her. “Oh, he hasn’t told you?” She sounded equally as surprised as you did, giving you a look as if to say, “Oopsie!”

You just shook your head. “Ah, well you didn’t hear it from me, but Jin has the biggest crush on Seulgi.” She leaned in close as she explained. As if you two weren’t the only ones in the breakroom. “Well, he used to like her anyway. And I’m pretty sure they were fooling around for a period of time, but…” She shrugged. “All I know is something happened between those two. They would flirt when they thought no one was looking, and Jin would occasionally spend his lunch with her. Then one day, it all just stopped.”

Kyla continued to struggle with her backpack in her locker as if everything she was saying was completely normal. Almost like she didn’t just tell you one of Jin’s biggest secrets. You tried to conjure up a response, but you couldn’t. Your head felt like it was spinning, and your breathing had turned shallow. Almost like there was a rock sitting on your lungs “I… Did either of them ever talk about it?”

Kyla shook her head no. “Well, kinda. Not face to face with any of us. I only know what I know because I heard them talking once when I was coming out of the bathroom. Seulgi said something about “You’re coming back to mine, right?” and Jin asked if her boyfriend would be there this time.”

“Wait, did he ruin her relationship?” “I don’t think so.” Kyla responded, giving you a hard look. “No, anyway I brought it up to him, and he begged me to keep it hush. He just said him and Seulgi were doing each other a favor.” She rolled her eyes. “I told him I’m not as innocent as I look; he can just tell me they’re fucking, and he was surprised, but he just kinda brushed it off. Told me he felt like it was more than that.”

You nodded and looked away, wondering how in the hell you were supposed to process all of this. You really wanted to ask Jin all about it, maybe even force him to explain it to you because Kyla’s retelling certainly didn’t leave you feeling confident. Maybe you gave him more credit than he was worth.

Playboy Seokjin, huh?

That doesn’t sound like your Jin.

“Anyway,” Kyla sighed, hauling her backpack over her shoulder before slamming her locker door shut. “I’m gonna head out. I’ve got a big project due Monday. Enjoy your weekend, okay?”

You smiled and nodded. “You too! And good luck!”

The world seemed to right itself once you were alone in the breakroom. The air felt normal, and you could breathe. Maybe focus on getting home.

But it wasn’t right. It wasn’t normal. First of all, how could Kyla drop an absolute bombshell of a rumor like Jin’s affair on your shoulders? Second of all, Jin being a homewrecker? Jin being someone who would screw around with his higher-ups? That didn’t sound like him at all.

Then again, the guy you know could very well just be a persona, and very thought of it left you with a heavy feeling both in your heart and the pit of your stomach. It left you questioning every interaction, every compliment, everything you’ve had with Jin. That’s not to say you’ve had very much with him, but it was enough. His words, although soft, always hit you hard, and they stayed with you.

He almost kissed you…

What if he wasn’t really playing with you? What if he was just trying to get you into bed with him?

You still probably would have. Oh god, you would have, but it would’ve hurt so bad the next morning to find out he wasn’t a committed man. It was a bittersweet realization that left your heart yearning for something it couldn’t have. Even if you weren’t with Touru; even if you’d allow yourself to explore these feelings, you don’t actually believe Jin would return them.

You smiled sadly and closed your locker. It’s probably a good thing to know what you know now. It hurts like hell, but hopefully it’ll be enough for you to get over him.

It was early Saturday morning. You and Touru were on the way to some ritzy little country town where you’d be getting the grand tour of…

Well.

You weren’t really sure what the place was called. You didn’t really care either. Of all the venue tours to get cancelled, you were sure this one would top the list. It was some exclusive golf club retreat with poolside service and horseback riding. Very fancy. Very opposite of what you’d ever dreamed of.

They only had one slot left today at nine O’clock in the morning. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, but it was nearly a two hour drive through the countryside on a two lane highway, and after the hellish month you’d been subjected to, you really weren’t looking forward to this extended downtime with Touru. If you were being honest with yourself, all you wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep your day away.

At least you had tomorrow to look forward to -- A long awaited brunch with Chae and Dahyun. They recently went on a trip to one of the Disney parks, and they only just got home earlier that morning. Dahyun sounded overjoyed when you called her the other day, insisting she couldn’t tell the story over the phone, and it had to be in person. As happy as you were to see your best friends, you couldn’t find it in yourself to express any of that joy for the time being.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Touru sighed, resting one arm on the driver side door while he controlled the steering wheel with the other. “We haven’t had time like this together in awhile. I’ve actually been looking forward to this drive, and seeing this venue.”

You hummed in response. Your hands lay crossed in your lap as the scenery outside your window was passing you in a dull blur. “This place is rumored to be one of the hottest wedding venues in the area! It’s really popular, and they treat the newlyweds like royalty.”

“That’s really nice.” You murmured, turning briefly to give him a small smile. “Hopefully it’ll live up to our standards then.” The two of you fell silent once again with only the soft sound of smooth jazz to fill the silence.

Your bag felt like a dumbbell lying in your lap. Knowing the Valentine’s day card still lay in there, or the way Jin’s comforting voice was just a phone call away.

He’s at work right now. It’s not even like he’d be able to talk to you.

You frowned to yourself. If he’s not busy with work, then he’s probably busy with Seulgi.

“You know I was thinking, after the tour is over, we could go to this little seafood buffet,” He chirped, “It’s right across the street, and their food is so good. I’ve been there plenty of times. You’ll love it!” He went on and on, looking over at you to see your reaction, but you looked as sad as ever. Touru forced out another sigh, one much heavier than the last after seeing you weren’t nearly as enthusiastic about today as he was, much to his disappointment.

“I’d really appreciate it if you could drop the attitude before we get to the venue.” You frowned at him. “I don’t think I have an attitude.” You replied. “I’m just tired, Touru. I worked over thirty hours this week, then I closed last night, and I had to wake up early this morning.” You explained softly, “Surely you know how I feel right now?”

He didn’t respond for a moment, taking a moment to switch lanes before focusing back on the highway in front of him. “Well,” He breathed. “You already know where I stand. You can quit whenever you’re ready.” He replied bitterly. “You’re only hurting yourself at this point anyway.”

You had no choice but to turn away as your face contorted in anger. You couldn’t bear to speak or even look at him right now.

The venue tour lasted much longer than it needed to. The venue in question, which you learned was Silver Soul Country Club upon stepping into the vicinity, was every rich man’s wet dream. Including your rich man.

There was no denying the beauty of it all. It was like a shared mansion with the patrons walking around dressed to the hilt in fancy clothes. Even the staff wore beautiful uniforms that looked like they were probably hand washed and ironed every morning. The tour guide was incredibly kind, explaining to you and Touru not only what you should expect the day of your wedding, but the discounts you’d receive if you chose to join their club before or the day of your wedding.

Despite how chilly it was, you witnessed some of the club members on the backs of horses, enjoying their day. A couple of men were out on the golf course who Touru was happily chatting up, laughing and discussing bits of their personal lives. Touru even introduced you to them as “My future wife”.

You didn’t enjoy it.

It was a little after one O’clock once you and Touru finally sat down to eat at the buffet. Sat across from Touru, you took a moment to check your phone while you ate, leaving Jin’s messages for last.

Jin: [Image] Augh! We’re so busy today!! I wish u were here to help me )): Jin: You had that venue showing today, right? Lmk what it was like!! Eventually I’m gonna get married one day, and I trust you to make only the best wedding decisions! ^^ Jin: Fucking christ. I’m working w/ Mark again today. Jin: It wouldn’t be such a big fucking deal if he didn’t have to stop me everytime I walked past him to tell me about the semester he spent in france. Jin: Like. Dude. I don’t give a shit. Half the time I don’t even believe the shit he’s saying, it just makes him sound pretentious. Jin: [Image] Be honest: Would I look good in this shirt?

You smiled, using one thumb to respond quickly.

You: Would’ve rather worked today. We just spent almost three hours watching rich people have fun //: You: -10000/10 Do Not Recommend You: Go easy on Mark! I know he drives u nuts, but he’s still a kid )): Probably just wants to impress you. Ur basically like the superstar of that place after all! You: Yes, of course you’d look good in that shirt! You look great in pink! ^^ You: Hope ur day is going better now!! What time do u get off?

With your phone now lying face down on the table, you wanted to try eating at least a little bit. You ended up skipping breakfast, and the tour left you hungry, but you didn’t feel well. You were a little too worried about what Kyla told you last night. Your mind raced with thoughts of Jin and Seulgi together. The image of them holding hands or him kissing her cheek. It was almost enough to make you queasy.

You tried thinking back on the times you saw them together at work; tried to remember if they acted any different around each other versus when around other people. You’ve told Jin so much about yourself -- More than what you’re comfortable sharing with most people. Surely if he was in a relationship, that’s something he would’ve told you? Then again, sleeping with the boss may not be something he wants to put on blast. It’s not like he was ever gonna introduce her to you as his girlfriend.

Now that you thought about it… He hasn’t introduced you to Yoongi or Hobi either. Actually, when you guys dropped by his apartment to pick up his belongings, you noticed neither Hobi nor Yoongi were home. Jin did mention that Yoongi was making some preparations since he’d be studying abroad come the fall, but what about Hobi?

You frowned, knowing Jin didn’t have to really introduce you to anyone in his life if he didn’t want to, but the thought of it only further cemented the facts in your mind.

Why do you want Jin to want you so bad? You’re getting married soon, and you’ll have a family with the love of your life.

…But are you sure this is what you really want?

“I was actually thinking…” Touru interrupted your thoughts as he was pulling his napkin away from his face. “After we get married, we could probably get a place out here.”

Your eyes went wide with terror as his mere suggestion sent a shiver down your spine. “But we’ve barely lived in this house a couple years!” You reminded him, “I thought this was supposed to be the house we’d raise our children in. They’d be close their grandmother, and--”

“But isn’t this place so much nicer?” He interjected in a whiny tone. “They’d really only see her over the holidays anyway. Not to mention if we move here, I can start taking the railway to work. It’d cut down my travel time so much. Then you’d be able to use the car for the children.”

You frowned at the thought. Move way out here? Away from everything you know? Away from your mom, and your friends?

Away from Jin?

“I guess, but… What about my job?” Touru rolled his eyes. “You need to let that go. You’re not going to need it after we get married anyway. We’ll be starting our life together, and you’ll be too busy with the kids.” He went on as he broke open one of the clams on his plate. “You’ll have better things to worry about rather than dealing with the public.”

You stared down at the liquid in the bowl in front of you, having completely lost your appetite. You knew Touru was just trying to do what was best for the relationship, but your heart wasn’t in it this time. If anything, your feelings were hurt by his dismissive attitude. You remember the day you and Touru signed the lease for that house. How the tears sprung in your eyes as he kissed you in the midst of his excitement talking about, “One step closer to our little family, baby.” You’d been thrilled to hear those words. Thrilled that he was so ready to go above and beyond for you. For your future family.

Everything felt so surreal at the time. It felt like you guys were a real couple with real goals and a strong relationship. You really thought the planets had aligned perfectly so that everything was just falling into its natural place. Finally, after years of hardship and heartbreak, you really felt like you were being rewarded. You’d get the domestic bliss you’ve always dreamed of having. You’d live out the rest of your life as happy as could be. With your husband and children by your side, and your mother's unconditional love and support.

One, big happy family.

Looking back on all that almost felt like some kind of fever dream, or maybe like you’re watching a fool dive head first into the deep end of one enormous mistake. Were you making the right decision rushing into something like this with your high school sweetheart? What happened along the way that’s made you feel like everything’s gone terribly wrong? Did you miss something?

The deep-rooted sadness sat like a heavy weight on your shoulders, and it was starting to feel like it wouldn’t be letting up anytime soon. All these questions, and no one that could answer them. Why couldn’t you just be happy? You wanted to scream. You wanted to tell him things were moving too fast, and you wanted to stay at your little retail job just a little bit longer. That you wanted to get your degree and spend this time doing things as a couple you haven’t gotten to do yet.

But this was always the plan, wasn’t it? It’s why you left nursing school. It’s why this dumb retail job was only temporary. It never was a means to an end. It was so you’d have something to do while you waited for your real life to begin. And now that it’s just over the horizon, you’re… Scared? Nervous?

You have no reason to be. As long as you have Touru by your side, everything will be okay.

Right?

The scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air as the waitress walked by your table. She offered refills to you and your friends, who were giggling away in the midst of their story. Seeing your trio in such a fit of excitement, she offered to come back later, and continued on her way.

“So after all that, Dahyun was pulling me by the hand in that cute way, ya know… Wait, I think I still have the photo!” Chae giggled as she went looking for the picture on her phone. Dahyun smiled at her, “The sun was starting to set, and I’d asked Chae like a million times if she was getting tired because we’d been there almost all day, and I wanted her to be excited--”

“Here it is!” Chae exclaimed, cutting her fiance off as she shoved the phone at you from across the table. You took it in your hands, smiling down at the screen. She was right, it looked like one of those cliche pictures of a girlfriend pulling their partner towards their next destination. You took in the little details, like all of Chae’s cute bracelets and how her nails were painted white while Dahyun’s was painted pink. Dahyun’s long hair, which had been deep blue at the time was curled, but it looked a little wind-whipped from all the rides they’d been on.

“I really wasn’t expecting it!” Chae laughed. “But she pulled me to the wishing well in Magic Kingdom and she picked me up and sat me on the edge of it--”

“She looked adorable, too! She was sitting there with her legs crossed one over the other, and her hands clasped in her lap!” Dahyun sighed, “She actually looked like a princess.”

“Your princess.” She giggled, kissing Dahyun’s cheek.

“So, she set me up there, and took my hands in hers. And she was like, ‘Chae…’,” She sighed her own name dramatically, looking over at a smiling Dahyun. “And she goes, ‘You know I love you with all my heart, right? The last seven years have been some of the happiest of my life-”

“Stoooopp! You’re making me sound sappy!” “It’s because you ARE sappy!” She laughed as Dahyun leaned all of her body weight into her, burying her face in her fiance’s thick hoodie. “But she finally got down on one knee, and she asked me if I’d marry her-”

“And she started laughing!” Dahyun yelled, looking back at you. “She was laughing and crying at the same time, and I was so confused! And then she reached into the back pocket of her shorts and pulled out her own ring!”

Little tears of joy pricked at the corners of your eyes as you smiled at them. “Why am I not surprised.” You snorted, but the girls didn’t say anything, they just kept laughing at the situation. The rims of Dahyun’s eyes were even beginning to turn pink like she was on the verge of crying.

“Awe, Dahyunnie!” Chae smiled, holding her fiance’s head against her shoulder. “I love you so much.” Dahyun whispered while Chae pressed kisses to her head. “I love you too.”

You smiled, bringing your latte to your lips and turning to look out the window situated at your booth so you could give the couple a moment of privacy.

You and Dahyun had been friends since middle school. You grew up together. She was there for you even more so than Touru was when you found out about your father’s passing. You were the first person she told she was a lesbian at fifteen years old, and you were there for her, holding her hand one year later when she told her parents. You’ve watched her relationship with Chaeyoung as it bloomed, becoming what it was today, and you couldn’t be happier to be here celebrating their engagement with her. With both of them.

“Sorry,” Dahyun laughed, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. “I uh… I have allergies.” She snorted. “Yeah! She’s highly allergic to being in love with me.” Chae stated proudly, gently poking and prodding at Dahyun’s side until she was laughing, begging her to stop.

You leaned your chin into your hand. The sunshine reflected off Chae’s deep black hair as she laughed at another one of Dahyun’s antics. They were lost in their own little world, the playfulness that shined in their eyes and sprung with joy in their laughter, it was a bittersweet feeling that was left crawling up the back of your spine. You couldn’t pinpoint why until you started thinking about all the questions you’d had yesterday. Then you realized…

You envied them.

You looked on intently as the couple continued their back and forth until finally, the question you’d been wondering just slipped out. “Have you two ever had doubts about your relationship?”

Both girls stopped instantly to look over at you, although they seemed confused, their smiles remained the same. “I mean, that didn’t…” Your face shone with embarrassment as you cleared your throat. “Would you take any of it back is what I’m trying to ask.” You offered awkwardly. You didn’t want to come off as bitter after they’ve just shared such wonderful news with you, but they both knew you better than that.

Dahyun snorted at your question. “Of course not! I wouldn’t, at least.” She looked to her partner with a loving smile. “Have you ever doubted our relationship, babe?”

Chae hummed, popping a chocolate covered strawberry into her mouth before leaning into Dahyun’s side. “Not for a second! I mean we’ve had our fair share of arguments and there were some major problems we had to work through, but we always came out on the other side stronger.” She giggled before leaning up to kiss the other girl on the cheek. “I couldn’t be happier with Dahyunnie.”

You gave them a faux smile as you mulled over their words. You’ve been with Touru for nearly as long as they’ve been together. You’ve been through hell and highwater with him, and you know you’d do anything for him, so why were you suddenly getting cold feet?

“Are you perhaps projecting, Ms. (Y/Ln)?” Chae giggled suddenly, but her unexpected question caused you to choke on your coffee. With your face now painted a light shade of pink and a dribble of coffee, the couple laughed at your demise while you dried your chin and cheeks.

“Of course not!” You exclaimed defensively. “I just wanted to ask because…”

Why did you ask? You were not projecting, were you? You couldn’t come up with a clever answer quick enough before Dahyun was chiming in. “Weren’t you just texting me a couple weeks ago about helping a certain Jin move into his new apartment?”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” You rested your forehead in the palm of your hand as if you were expecting to nurse an oncoming migraine.

“Didn’t end the way you wanted to?” She pushed further as she wiggled her eyebrows, causing you to shriek in absolute shock. “Guys! This isn’t funny!” You whined, but they obviously thought otherwise.

“Do y’all think… I don’t know, that Jin is trying to ruin my relationship?” “Honey, I don’t think Jin’s trying to ruin anything for you.” Chae sighed. “I think he may have feelings for you. Either that, or he just really enjoys teasing you.”

You wrung your fingers together in your lap, unable to look her in the eye.“I just feel like sometimes it’d be better if I quit hanging around him, ya know?”

“But…” Dahyun interjected, arms crossed in front of her chest. You glanced at her sheepishly before training your eyes on the food in front of you.

“But I’d really miss him.” Chae frowned and reached across the table to take your hands in hers. “I’m sorry, beloved. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

She’s right, and you knew she was right. You just didn’t want to admit it. “Not to sound cheesy, but I think it was love at first sight.” Dahyun stated casually as she looked down at her freshly manicured nails.

“Excuse me?” You retorted, giving her a look, but she just shrugged at you. “I mean it’s entirely possible. Think about it: He’s this insanely good-looking guy with a friendly disposition. You, a woman who’s already spoken for wants to find some kind of flaw to protect yourself--”

She rolled her eyes, making a circular hand gesture as if that was going to take her words back. “Let me rephrase that: To convince yourself he wouldn’t be right; wouldn’t be any better a lover than Touru, but maybe you need to face facts… I don’t know. The way I see it, he’s the kind of man you wish Touru would be.” She explained effortlessly, leaving you utterly shell shocked.

“And to put the cherry on top: He cares about you. I mean, he really cares about you. Anybody with a brain and two working eyes can figure that one out.” She snorted, “He’s clearly attracted to you, and by the looks of it, you’re attracted to him, too. You should leave Touru for him, I certainly think you’d be happier that way.” She made her final declaration before popping one of the last few chocolate covered strawberries into her mouth.

You sat there in awe staring at her, trying to comprehend the MLA essay that just tumbled out of her mouth. You were almost impressed with Dahyun’s mind. The way she could overanalyze you, and get it right on the first try, but having it explained to you in such an obvious way was a real wakeup call. Now that they had you alone, she and Chae were going to force you to acknowledge how you felt.

”You only say all that because you don’t like Touru.” You responded weakly in the faintest hope that maybe the subject would be dropped.

“Yeah?” Dahyun spat. “You and I both know -- Chae knows. Jihyo knows. Your mom knows; my mom knows! Everybody and their grandparents know!” Dahyun dragged on and on, only coming to a sudden halt when she caught your look of unamusement.

“None of us like Touru. Not even a little bit.” She sighed, falling back into her seat.

“He’s a decent lover--” “Okay, but you deserve better than decent. You deserve an amazing lover!” Chae exclaimed, “Someone who’s going to cherish you! Someone you’d be hurting for if you let them go!”

“Kinda like Jin!” Dahyun added, giving you a knowing smile. You just looked back out the window, feeling more conflicted now than you had this morning or even yesterday.

“I'd hurt if I had to let Touru go…” You muttered stubbornly. “You guys just need to get to know him better.”

“Sweetie. We’ve known him since you started dating him five and a half years ago.” Dahyun deadpanned, “I don’t think there’s much more we can learn.” Chae nodded in agreement.

“I know this probably isn’t the best advice, but have you considered…” Chae sighed, “I don’t know… Having a bit of a fling with Jin? Just to see how he’d make you feel?”

“How would that solve my problem?!”

“I mean if he’s nice and then he’s also good in bed, it would only be more incentive to leave Touru’s useless ass in the dirt!” Chae pushed. You shoved your back harder against the suede fabric of the booth, hoping it would swallow you up and you would no longer be forced to be involved in this dumb conversation.

“Wasn’t the whole point of us going out to brunch to celebrate you guys?!” You shot forward like someone had just launched your body out of a slingshot and nearly sent your coffee tumbling across the table. Bless Dahyun and her sharp reflexes.

“We’ve celebrated enough for one brunch. We’re talking about your love life now.” Chae reminded you.

“Or a lack thereof.” Dahyun snorted. “You can’t tell me I’m wrong! I know how much of an asshole he is-”

“Guys.” You sighed. “Look. Even if I wanted to… Entertain the idea of sleeping with Jin,” Your voice was soft and shy as you took a quick glance around the restaurant. No way in hell you were gonna let him show up unannounced and insert himself into the party while you were discussing the idea of fucking him.

“Someone told me he was probably already seeing someone. Or even if he’s not seeing her, he’s crazy about her, so I don’t think I’d even have a chance with him.” You gave them a quick rundown of what Kyla told you -- Taking quick, paranoid glances over your shoulder every once in a while just to be safe.

“But they don’t act like this anymore?” Chae asked curiously.

“That’s what Kyla told me.” You sighed, “But they could’ve just… Gotten caught? HR could’ve said something? Some workplaces don’t allow couples to work together, much less where one partner is in a position of power I could imagine.” You tried to reason, but she just rolled her eyes.

“Honestly, it sounds like a thing of the past. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Dahyun shrugged. “Okay, well what about him apparently coming between Seulgi and her boyfriend?”

“You don’t know if that’s true.” Dahyun fired back. Her patience was deteriorating, but you could tell she was trying to keep her cool. The conversation was quickly turning into an argument. Maybe not with Chae, but Dahyun was ready to knock some sense into you, and lord only knows her fiance would back her up. Not to mention how much it bothered you that they could make all these assumptions based purely on what you’ve told them. Aside from that one night with Dahyun at the bar, they’ve never even met the guy.

“I really think you should go after him if you’re in love with him. What good is it doing either of you, hurting? Ignoring the tension that’s clearly there?” Chae insisted.

“Nobody is in love with anybody!” You retorted in defense. No matter how much you tried to deny it, their advice did sound tempting. Sounded like something that you’ve wanted for a while now, but it was one thing to confirm those feelings for yourself. To know you’re crushing on one of your best friends and coming to terms with it. You could accept it and live with it. Albeit painfully so, but you could do it.

It was a matter of voicing those feelings to the world; to the man on the receiving end of those feelings. You’d be putting so much at stake. Not just with your marriage, but with Jin himself. If Touru’s bad attitude towards Jin wouldn’t run him off, then asking him to have sex with you would.

“I’ve come to terms with it, you guys.” You sighed. “Jin’s a kind man and everything, but imagine if he actually were dating Seulgi. I could never come between them. I wouldn’t even want to.” You regarded them with a small smile. “Besides, I can’t hurt Touru like that. We’ve been together for so long, and I still love him. We’re just under a lot of stress right now is all.” You nodded to yourself.

“It’ll be okay.”

Dahyun’s lips stretched into a thin line, the tip of her tongue faintly outlined in her cheek. Your answer clearly wasn’t the one she wanted to hear, but she knew how stubborn you were. Knew there wasn’t much she could say to sway you one way or the other.

That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t try.

“Fine.” She bit back with a cat-like glare, “Do what you want, but I’m telling you For a Fact: Touru isn’t good for you.” Her hands were tightly clenched into fists on the table until her wrists went limp, and her arms slunk down beneath the surface.

“He’s a controlling man who’s looking out for nobody else but himself. If you don’t want to go after Jin, fine. You do you. But you need to take a step back and see Touru for who he really is, and I’d suggest doing it before you’re stuck with him for the rest of your life.”

#bts #bts x reader #kim seokjin #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #magicshopnet #non-idol au #retail au #slice of life au #slow burn #bts series #Infodump the chapter!#so yeah; none of the pieces in this chapter felt long enough to be standalone chapters so they've all been crammed into one #sorry about that; I hope y'all don't mind )):#next update might take a minute #maybe not as long as this one but...#next update; y'all are getting two chapters for the price of one!#spoiler for anyone who reads the tags hehehe #just because the next two chapters go hand in hand #and I don't want u guys having to wait as long as u did between chapter 5-1 and 5-2 #that was ridiculous on my part and I'm not playing that nonsense again #as always; the chapter will be queued up a couple times over the next day or so #so hopefully it hits all crowds!#thank you for reading!! I love you guys <3 #y'all would never believe it but... writing toxic relationships is super draining #did y'all know?? I had no idea #im not even bullshitting; i was dreading writing this chapter #and there are a few others im dreading too because of t^uru #probably shouldn't say that as the author aslkharkjhsdf

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big-ass-magnet · 5 years ago

Text

Consider This ch 4/5

Fandom: Dragon Age

Pairing: Varric/Marian Hawke

Rating: T

Summary: As far as Varric is concerned, Cassandra’s been reading too many romance novels. There’s no way he could be in love with Hawke and not know it. That sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life. Besides, Hawke’s just his friend, right?

Right?

…Uh oh.

AO3 link | Commissions

@queenofbaws helpfully reminded me that this fic existed and that I should probably finish it womp womp. technically this is the last chapter! the next one is the epilogue wrap up!Thank you all for your patience.

Varric stared at the glowing green shimmer of the rift, straining to make sense of the swirling landscape behind it. He didn’t know how long he’d been waiting. How long it had been since he turned around to see if Hawke was okay, and felt that horrible, sickening jolt when she wasn’t behind him.

How could he have left her there? How could he have left without making sure she was with him? How could he just run off like that? Had two years been long enough to make him forget the woman didn’t have a single ounce of self preservation or common sense? That it was his job to make sure she kept herself safe?

The world was broken-glass sharp, glinting at the edges, every sight and sensation amplified a thousandfold. The smell of ash and blood. The shift of his armor. The smooth, polished wood of Bianca’s stock. The sound of his own breathing, echoing in his ears.

His eyes were fixed on the swirling, sickly-green light, mind utterly empty save for the silent, desperate prayer to the Maker, to Andraste, to the Stone, to the fucking Creators. Anyone who would listen.

Please. Please, I’ll do anything. Anything, just bring her back. Please.

Please. I need her. I love her.

I’ll do anything.

Please.

Hawke burst out of the rift, tripped over her own feet, and tumbled down the small flight of stairs, hitting the ground hard.

The crushing grip around Varric’s chest disappeared so quickly his legs turned to water and he almost fell to his knees. Instead, he lurched forward, stumbling across the gap to drop to his knees beside her. He reached out, grabbing her shoulders, searching for any damage that hadn’t been there before.

“Hawke? You alright?”

The woman groaned and opened her eyes. They were very unfocused, and it took her a few blinks before she could look at him with both eyes at the same time.

“Not one of my best entrances,” she admitted, rubbing her head and wincing. He chuckled, the sound made weak and watery with relief, and stood.

“Not one of your worst, though,” Varric pointed out, reaching a hand to her. The words came out calm and casual, as if they were walking down the road in Kirkwall after a dust up with a street gang. It took so much effort to keep his stuttering heartbeat out of his voice, he almost couldn’t hear her response.

“All the same, do me a favor,” she said, letting him help her to her feet, “when you put that in the book, make it more dramatic.”

“The book?”

“The one about all this.”

The Inquisitor emerged with significantly more dignity. She stepped out like a queen onto a balcony to address her subjects, head high, gaze steely. Silently, she raised a hand, her palm crackling green. Every demon still standing in Adamant shuddered and collapsed as one. Behind Adaar, the rift snapped shut.

“Like that,” Hawke whispered. “Make me look like that.”

A soldier hurried up to Adaar, but Hawke was already slipping away. Varric followed, eyes fixed on the hand she pressed against her side. She was limping, and Varric felt an unpleasant prickle of fear. Dying tragically after narrowly escaping the Fade sounded like the sort of thing that would happen to Hawke.

She found them a quiet corner out of sight and just close enough to hear if the fighting picked up again. A low bench was still intact; she sat on it with an exhausted sigh. Looking up at him, she smiled and patted the seat beside her.

Instead, he reached out and touched his fingers to the back of the hand on her side. He could see the blood between her fingers.

“Is it bad?” he asked softly.

“Just a scratch.”

“Let me see.”

“Worrywart,” she mocked, but let him lift her hand away. It was an ugly, jagged cut that had torn through her armor, but it was shallow, and had already stopped bleeding. All the same…

“You should take that to a healer.”

“I was planning on letting it fester,” she said, sarcastically.

He looked up into her eyes, and whatever she saw startled her into silence.

“You had me worried there for a minute,” he said. He meant it to be a joke, but he meant it, and he knew she heard it. “Thought I was going to lose you.”

The words danced on the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out. Maker, he wanted to say it. Should say it. He could have lost the chance forever, and now would be the time to say it. An expression flashed across Hawke’s face, so quick he couldn’t tell what it was. Anxiety, maybe? Guilt?

He was still holding her hand; she shifted her grip and held on tightly. Her eyes searched his face for something.

“Varric, I…”

He waited, not daring to imagine what she might be about to say. Hawke struggled for a moment...and then gave him a weak smile. With one last squeeze, she dropped his hand.

“I couldn’t leave my trusty dwarf behind,” she said. “Someone’s got to keep an eye on you.”

He felt his lips quirk up into a smile.

“Are you kidding? You’re the one who gets herself into trouble just by waking up in the morning.”

“His voice like honeyed wine, golden whiskey, the sun after a storm. The weight on my shoulders lighter, lifting, laughing together like old times.”

Hawke looked up, startled. Cole stood in the shadows, watching them both with those wide, pale eyes. Varric felt a bolt of fear.

“What?” Hawke said, alarmed, at the same time Varric said “Cole, don’t--”

“Hands touch when she takes the glass, ache in my chest until I can't breathe, wanting, wishing, writing a world where she wants back. You don’t have to be afraid.”

Varric blinked. What had he been saying? The words had scattered like paper in the wind, and he couldn’t find all the pages. He looked at Hawke, who was wearing her own expression of mild bemusement, and felt a sudden surge of confidence.

He should tell her. He would tell her.

Part of him thought he should put it off, give himself time to plan what to say, to find all the right words and weave them together. Normally he didn’t have trouble improvising, but something this important needed to be done right. It needed a proper, well-thought out speech, a little funny and a lot charming, referencing old memories and new hopes, with perfectly crafted metaphors for all the things she made him feel.

The other part knew that if he didn’t say it now, he’d lose his nerve.

“I love you.”

Varric blinked.

How odd.

He’d opened his mouth, and the words had been spoken, but it hadn’t sounded like his voice. It had been a very familiar voice, though. And Hawke’s expression was rapidly evolving into a rictus of horror.

“Oh no,” Hawke gulped. “Oh no. I didn’t-- I wasn’t going to say that. I didn’t mean to say it. Oh no.” She hid her face in her hands. “Please pretend I didn’t say that. I’m so sorry. I’m so-- I didn’t mean to actually-- forget it, forget I said anything, just pretend I didn’t--” Hawke started to curl in on herself through the sheer force of her embarrassment, until her face was pressed to her knees.

Well.

Shit.

That was unexpected.

Varric wanted to laugh, mostly out of sheer mind-numbing relief, but he knew Hawke definitely wouldn’t take it the way he’d mean it. After all that time tearing himself apart about not wanting to be a burden to her and not wanting to ask for more than she was willing to give, and Hawke went and yanked the rug right out from under him. Of course she did.

Hawke had switched from apologies to pleas for death from above.

“Hawke.”

“I’m going to go back to the Fade,” she said, as best he could decipher. “I’m going to go crawl into a rift and let the Nightmare kill me. Maker if you are a kind and loving god you will strike me down where I sta- where I sit.”

“Hawke.”

She fell silent, but didn’t move. Varric tried to stay serious, but he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He touched her shoulder, gently.

“Would you look at me? Please?”

Slowly, she sat up and peeked out at him through her fingers.

“You really don’t have to say anything. You don’t. We can just pretend this never happened and go on like before and you’re smiling.” She dropped her hands, embarrassment forgotten in suspicion. “Why are you smiling?”

Varric reached out and cupped her face in his hands.

“Because you took the words right out of my mouth,” he said, and kissed her.

Now, Varric had a pretty good imagination, but he’d barely allowed himself to consider the possibility that Hawke might return his feelings, let alone what might come after. He hadn’t thought about what it would be like to kiss her. He was equally sure he wouldn’t have done it justice anyway.

Hawke melted against him with a soft sound he hoped he remembered for the rest of his days, her fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. He wrapped an arm around her to hold her close and cradled the back of her head in his other hand. Her hair was tacky with blood and demon guts, but her lips were soft.

It was the best damn kiss of his life.

“Oh,” Hawke said, when he pulled back. A smile bloomed on her face, wide and wonderful, like a sunrise. “Well then. Aren’t I clever.”

“Aren’t you just,” Varric said, fondly, and kissed her again.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #varric tethras #hawke #marian hawke #vhawke #hawkexvarric #otp: my trusty dwarf #audrey talks #i'm happy with this

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marril96 · 5 years ago

Text

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 31: Hit Me, Baby, One More Time

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: A confrontation arises.

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian

*****

Everything from the time you got up and to the moment you walked into school was a blur.

It was as if you were asleep, running on habit, on instinct, rather than will. Your body wasn't yours; you were a guest, a passenger in your own skin, replaced by a ghost that walked the way you did, that talked and breathed and thought all the same as you while you hid in the farthest, loneliest corner of your mind, far away from the reality you'd come to know yesterday.

The reality you refused to acknowledge. That, as you opened your eyes this morning, you hoped had been nothing but a bad dream, knowing full well it was wishful thinking.

A half-asleep girl could still dream.

You were still dreaming when someone's arms wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you back — back into reality that shouldn't have been real, into the hallway filled with sneering and cheering kids that shouted words you couldn't hear for the noise was too deafening and you couldn't think and the only thing you wanted to do was slam your fists — your clenched, rock-tight fists — into Lucifer's smug face.

The bastard was standing right in front of you, laughing as if he'd just heard the funniest joke as Dean restrained you. Despite your attempts to free yourself, to lunge at your target, he held you in place with relative ease. The perk of being a jock.

To be fair, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to try to assault the principal's spawn first thing in the morning.

But, considering what said abomination had done, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Not good.

Certainly not smart.

But right.

Satisfying.

"Let me go!" you screamed, eyes locked on Lucifer's, narrow, threatening. Promising death and pain.

"Y/N, you don't wanna do this," Dean said.

Oh, you did. You wanted to very, very much. "You know what he did!"

"I know, but he's not worth it!"

He was more than worth it.

Crowley shared the sentiment.

The only reason you got to try to take a swing at Lucifer instead of him was that Sam and Dean had restrained him and gave him their you're better than this pep talk.

You saw your chance and took it.

Damn Dean and his ninja reflexes!

"It's cute how you're protecting your girlfriend's honor," Lucifer said condescendingly. "Or what's left of it. If anything."

"You're a piece of shit!" you snarled.

He flashed an amused smirk. Oh, how you wished to wipe it off with a well-aimed fist. "I don't get why you're all mad at me? All I did was tell the truth. It's not my fault she's a whore."

Crowley shouted something that shouldn't be repeated in polite company.

You followed suit, trying once more to break free of Dean's hold.

Rowena remained silent throughout the entire ordeal.

She'd been silent since the moment she got to school.

She ignored the whispers. Ignored the purposely loud comments and nasty remarks. Kept her head down and sought her friends, who, as expected, asked about the social media drama, but got no response other than that she was fine.

It was as good as they were going to get.

Crowley remained by her side like a guard dog. Neither of them acknowledged it, but it was clear, from the looks he was giving everyone who had as much as looked at her wrong, that he wasn't going to let anyone give her shit.

Lucifer should be glad he wasn't dead.

Sam and Dean must have been quite good at pep talks.

"You know, Catriona told me a few more things." He looked at you, then at Rowena, taking in your reactions. Feeding on them like the leech he was. "I assume Gilroy Murphy rings a bell."

Oh, hell no!

Don't go there, you thought. Don't you dare go there!

He didn't have the right.

Rowena stiffened.

Lucifer chuckled. "Yeah, she told me all about him." He looked around at the crowd of vultures, making sure he had their full attention. An attention whore was nothing without an audience. "Rowena here likes taken guys. Catriona wouldn't fuck her, so she went for her boyfriend."

Laughter echoed. Gasps, oohs, and ohs.

Your stomach twisted into a knot, a storm of unease, of discomfort roiling inside it. It was easy for them to pass judgment. Easy to laugh and whisper amongst themselves, to look at Rowena as if she were a piece of filth. Easy to dehumanize her, to make her out to be a monster rather than a person.

Not a single one of them knew the full story.

They didn't know what her life was like.

They didn't know how alone she was, how much she was suffering.

They didn't know the sweet, broken girl behind the iron mask.

Lucifer, despicable as he was, at the very least had a motive. He wanted to hurt her, to humiliate her, to make her life hell.

What was their excuse?

What had she ever done to them?

"Shut your mouth!" Rowena snapped, livid, terrified. Meg laid a hand on her shoulder; she shook it off, glare pointed at Lucifer, a threat and a plea all in one.

He grinned, much too satisfied with her reaction. "Catriona said Gilroy was very apologetic when she found out he'd been cheating. So apologetic, in fact, that he told her something very interesting. You don't mind if I share, don't you, Rowena?"

Rowena's eyes reddened, pricking with tears. Color drained from her face. "Don't," she said, voice too small, too weak. Too broken.

He wouldn't dare.

Lucifer was a bastard, but this…

Surely, he had a heart in there somewhere.

"Where's the baby, Rowena?" he asked nonchalantly, as if he were asking about the weather.

There went that idea.

You were naive for even considering it.

Expecting humanity from the likes of him was like expecting a heatwave on Antarctica.

Rowena set her jaw. Swallowed hard. Willed the tears not to fall. She turned her head away from his smug face. Away from eyes landing on her and demanding explanations. Away from judgment and stares.

"What in hell are you talking about?" Crowley demanded.

"Oh, you don't know? Big sis didn't tell you?" Lucifer taunted. "Catriona's boyfriend knocked her up."

Crowley scoffed. "You're off your rocker."

"Am I? Tell him, Rowena. Tell all of us. You know I'm not lying."

"It's none of your fucking business!" you snapped. It was nobody's business but Rowena's.

Lucifer held up his hands. "Hey, I'm just talking."

"You're being a shithead!"

The insult didn't faze him. "Aren't you curious about your girlfriend's offspring? You don't wanna be a mommy at this age, do you?"

"That's our business."

He looked at you. Took your expression, your body language in, lapping up every bit of it. "You know. She told you."

"What is he talking about?" Crowley asked.

"Nothing," you replied. "Like I said, it's our business."

Rowena's body.

Rowena's choice.

Your life.

"Still, a baby's a pretty big deal," Lucifer said. "Where is it?" Mouth widening, tongue sharpening, he asked, "Was it even born?"

"Holy shit!" a voice in the crowd exclaimed. Familiar. Olivette, because of course it was her. "She killed it! She totally killed it!"

"Did you do it? Did you kill your baby, Rowena?"

"Stop it, Lucifer!" Castiel spoke up. "You're going too far."

Lucifer shot him an amused stare. "You're cool with hanging out with a baby killer, little brother?"

"I said stop it!"

"Or what? You'll tell dad?" He laughed. "You can't do anything to me, Castiel."

"Do you get off on this?" you asked. "Does being an ass make you hard?" Your eyes fell to his crotch. "Or are you acting like a giant prick to compensate for your small one? You sound quite repressed. Didn't get any in a while, did you? Rubbing one out might be good for you."

The comment elicited a few laughs.

"I got plenty," he said proudly. "How about you? She spread her legs for you like she does for everyone else? Or is she keeping you on a tight leash?"

"Oh, honey, leashes are the best part."

"Why don't I believe you?"

Because you're an asshole, you thought.

And also because you were lying.

But mostly because he was an asshole.

"I don't care what you believe."

You meant it from the bottom of your heart. Who was he to think his opinion meant something? That it mattered to anyone other than him?

You loved Rowena as she was, with all her flaws and history. She wasn't a bad person. She'd made mistakes, yes, but who hadn't? She was a human being; flawed, imperfect. A person like any other.

Her only sins were being desperate to have friends, falling in love with one boy, and trying to love another, worse one.

If anyone should be judged, it was them.

"Why bring it up, then?" Lucifer asked.

"Why not?" you countered because, really, why not? "You started it." You might as well finish it.

"Who started what?" Ms. Hanscum demanded, her heavy shoes clicking as she walked up from behind you.

Shit.

"We're just talking," Lucifer said, feigning innocence. Badly. Worse than a first grader in a school play.

She didn't buy it. "Uh huh. How about you continue your 'talk' after school?"

"I'd love to, but I don't think Y/N is down with it. She attacked me."

You grit your teeth.

Really?

Ms. Hanscum raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "She attacked you?"

"Yeah. She's crazy."

"You're so full of shit!" you snapped, and Dean, once again, had to hold you back.

You didn't care about the teacher, or the audience, or anyone. You wanted to bash his head in, the consequences be damned.

Lucifer spread his arms out. "See what I mean?"

"Okay, okay, let's all come down," Ms. Hanscum said, looking back and forth from him to you.

I'm perfectly calm, you thought. So calm that Dean released you (though that may have had to do with the teacher's questioning stare). You rubbed your arms, massaged your muscles with the tips of your fingers.

If you wanted, you could charge right at Lucifer. No one would be able to stop you this time.

But you didn't want to.

Because you were calm, and you were in control. And, also, Ms. Hanscum kept looking at you as if she expected you to do something, so, the rebel you were, you strived to prove her otherwise.

But, god, you were tempted.

"He's spreading lies about Rowena." You couldn't hurt him physically, so you went for verbal assault.

"I'm just letting everyone know what she's really like," Lucifer defended.

Bullshit. "You're spreading rumors to get back at her for dumping you."

"I'm warning people about her."

"You're jealous!"

"Of what? You? Please. You're delusional!"

"Okay!" Ms. Hanscum shouted, breaking off the argument. "You're leaving me no other choice. Principal's office, now! Both of you. We'll see if we can sort it out there."

"Are you bloody serious?" Rowena exclaimed, furious to the bone. "She hasn't done anything!"

"Why don't you join us, too?" the teacher said. It wasn't a suggestion.

Great.

This was fucking great.

Lucifer organized what was pretty much a hate campaign against Rowena, and she and you were the ones that got in trouble.

Fucking great!

You should have punched him when you had the chance. You were going to get in trouble anyway; why not go big rather than just go home?

As the bell for the start of class began, you, Rowena, and Lucifer followed after Ms. Hanscum. You and Rowena walked on one side, hand in hand, glares sharp and threatening death. He, from the other side, was smiling like a kid on a Christmas morning.

The smug snake.

Would daddy protect him again?

Or would he punish — really punish — his little boy for the first time in his life?

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @shadowgirl-vsb @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @a-queen-and-her-throne @carryon-doctor-lock

#rowena #rowena macleod #spn #supernatural #spn family #rowena x reader #fanfiction #my fics #high school au #dean winchester #crowley #lucifer #meg masters #castiel #sam winchester #donna hanscum #olivette

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coloursflyaway · 5 years ago

Text

Let’s Repeat Our Chorus Triumphantly [3/4]

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier

Rating: T

Word Count: 5.300

Tags: Angst and fluff, fix-it of sorts, past character death, falling in love (and everything that goes along with it)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Read on AO3

Silver is starting to weave itself into Jaskier’s hair, thread by thread, and Geralt does his best not to see it, but it’s almost impossible to do so when Jaskier lays down with his head on Geralt’s lap, looking up at him hopefully until Geralt chuckles and buries one hand in his mostly dark locks, combing his fingers through them. They are as soft as they always were, and Jaskier hums contentedly, lets his eyes slide shut. It’s not peaceful because Ciri is gone, because nothing will be until they know what happened to her, where she is and how they can get her back, but it’s as close as they will get.

Jaskier stays silent for a few minutes, but there is an unfamiliar energy thrumming under his skin, Geralt can feel it beneath his fingertips, in the way Jaskier shifts from time to time, as if it was impossible for him to find any comfort in even this. “What it is it?”, Geralt finally asks, resuming to stroke Jaskier’s hair even as his eyes fly open, blue and looking almost guilty, as if Geralt had caught him during a thought he would have liked to keep a secret. It makes Geralt worry without knowing what it is he is contemplating, because there are so few things he knows Jaskier not to share with the world whenever the fancy catches him. “You can tell me.”

“I know.” Jaskier takes a shaky breath, then smiles up at Geralt, who hates to see that the curve of Jaskier’s lips doesn’t seem to make his eyes shine brighter as it is wont to do. “I have to tell you, even. Geralt… what will you do after I die?”

The words knock the air out of Geralt’s lungs like a blow, heavy enough to kill him, surely, because that’s how it feels; he has thought about it before, couldn’t help but do so, and yet has never found an answer, at least none he could share with Jaskier and have the other agree. His hand has stopped, but Geralt cannot look away from Jaskier’s eyes, although it is the first time he wants to, not certain how to bear the love within them when it suddenly feels like the beginning of a thousand goodbyes. His heart seems to have stopped, it’s the only explanation Geralt can offer for the pain in his chest; it only starts again when Jaskier reaches out and touches his dear hand to Geralt’s cheek, cupping it softly.

“I know, my darling, but we can’t run from it forever.” His voice is gentle and steady, everything the storm of emotion within Geralt isn’t, his palm warm as Jaskier tries to ground him. Geralt loves him so much he cannot talk, cannot speak. “I will not be here forever, that’s the beauty and the curse of being mortal. And I know you will still have Yennefer and Triss to look out for you, maybe even Ciri, but darling, I love you more than anything in this world, and I won’t be able to rest easily if I do not know that you’ll be able to go on without me. “ He brushes a thumb across Geralt’s cheek, tries to smile and almost succeeds, but Geralt still can’t speak, still can’t look away. “Now, come”, Jaskier admonishes so softly the words seem brittle, like his voice is about to break in the same way as Geralt’s heart has already broken. “Otherwise I might end up turning into a wraith, just to make sure you’re alright and you’ll have to banish me, and wouldn’t that be the worst ending to our story?” And Geralt still doesn’t know how to speak, but for the first time since he was a child, he knows how to cry.

“How was he?”, the singer asks Geralt, chestnut hair falling into her hair as she cocks her head slightly. “I’ve read the stories he published, his ballads, but you knew him. You loved him.” “I still do”, Geralt corrects, slowly unfurls his fists just to have something to do. He doesn’t talk about Jaskier often, because even saying his name out-loud stings his lips; if he does, it’s Triss he talks to, Yen or Ciri, sometimes Keira, each with their own recollection of his bard, their own feelings. Talking about Jaskier as if he was a story is different, neither better nor worse, but Geralt knows that Jaskier would love it, would grin and offer up his own version of their tale so easily and urge Geralt to share his, and by Melitele, Geralt could never say no to him.

“He was everything to me”, he starts, uses words he knows well because he said them a thousand times before, mumbled them into Jaskier’s hair and hummed them against his skin, gasped them out into the cool air around them when Jaskier was so hot around him that Geralt thought he would melt. “And he was everything the stories say and so much more. Optimistic to a fault, kind, willing to love and to forgive without any reason for it. He couldn’t have held a grudge if his life had depended on it. When he was young, he’d be insufferable when we were stuck in a place for too long and he was stubborn right until the end. He was the best thing humanity had to offer.”

It’s nothing but the truth, because Ciri is no longer human, and once the words have started spilling from his lips, it’s difficult to stop them from coming. Maybe Geralt should have started talking about Jaskier years ago, because the world deserves to know what it has lost. The bard is still watching him, a look in her blue eyes that is vaguely familiar; it’s inspiration that is sinking its claws into her, Geralt has seen it often enough to recognise the signs. She licks her lips, blinks slowly, then takes a sip of his ale, just as if they were friends when Geralt doesn’t even know her name. “You really loved him”, she remarks, and Geralt thanks every possible god that she doesn’t sound surprised, because he doesn’t know if he could have endured it. “More than you ever loved someone.”

She doesn’t deny it.

Neither of them sleeps that night, even though Geralt can see the exhaustion in Jaskier’s movements, can hear it in the slur in his speech. But Geralt doesn’t insult him by suggesting he should go to sleep, doesn’t lie and tell Jaskier that he’ll be fine without the other’s cornflower blue eyes on him until the morning. Instead, they spend the night lying on the thin mattress of the inn they are staying at, legs tangled and their fingers intertwined. Geralt doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to allow Jaskier out of his sight again. He is beautiful in the dim light, even with the silver in his hair and the crow’s feet around his eyes, but then again, he always is.

“You never answered my question, dearest”, Jaskier asks gently in between kisses and shared breaths and the slow beats of Geralt’s fraying heart, the desperate pleas he sends out to every god that might listen to speed them up, so they’ll be allowed to leave the world together. He presses his lips to Jaskier’s just because he still can, then whispers his answer against them. “You wouldn’t like the answer.” “Oh darling.” There is sorrow in his voice as it vibrates against Geralt’s lips, bittersweet and unfamiliar, and Geralt almost wishes Jaskier didn’t know him as well as he does, so his meaning might have stayed hidden for a little longer. “No. Absolutely not, Geralt, you will not leave this world until your time has come, I forbid it.” Jaskier pulls away, and there are tears in his eyes, making them with bright with pain and defiance. It was Jaskier’s stubbornness that allowed them to have this, so Geralt cannot curse it, even if he is afraid what it will still lead to. What it will ask of him.

“I told you, you wouldn’t like it”, he tries gently, smooths his fingers down across the line of Jaskier’s jaw and wishes he could stop talking and just kiss Jaskier instead. “Of course I don’t”, the other answers, almost offended, almost like he expected Geralt to give a different answer, even though he should have known the second he allowed Geralt to kiss him for the first time, he had sealed his fate. ��It’s the only one I have to give.” “It might be now”, Jaskier tells him and his expression changes, softens and is set alight with emotion, his love shining so fiercely out of his eyes that Geralt wants to look away for the second time this night. “I will teach a new one, dear heart. There is so much good in the world, even without me in it, and I’ll do my best to help you see it. But you have to promise me, once I go, don’t try to follow.” And he looks at Geralt, bright and beautiful and hopeful, and for once, Geralt cannot give him what he wants.

“My name is Judet, by the way”, the bard tells him, takes another sip from the ale they now share, and Geralt doesn’t know how to answer, what to do with information he did not ask for. It seems right to know her name when she knows his life and yet he stays silent, watches her twirl the tankard around on the table, either working up the courage to ask a question or simply trying to think of one. Geralt lets her, watches her fingers scoot across the rim, flutter against the ceramic until she has decided on how to proceed.

“Do you ever…”, she starts, loses her voice before finding it again a moment later, not looking at Geralt but instead watching the tankard spin with him. “Do you ever wish you hadn’t had him? That you didn’t meet, or didn’t fall in love, so you wouldn’t have to go on without him? Is it worth the pain?” It isn’t the question he expected, but maybe the best one Judet could have asked, because it is one of few Geralt knows how to answer. “No”, he says, doesn’t have to take even a second to think about it. “Not for a moment. Not even when I watched him die. It tore me apart, it still does, but Jaskier was worth every second of it. We had decades together, but even if it had only been a year, a few months, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.”

She stays silent for a bit, fingers still restless, but when she looks up at Geralt again, her eyes are neither sad nor nervous; they’re hopeful. “Thank you”, she says, “I’ll never forget either of you.”

Geralt hears his footsteps even before the door opens but instead of turning around, he waits until he feels Jaskier’s hands on his shoulders, the warmth of his chest pressed against him from behind. “Two Witchers, huh? I always thought that one of you was more than enough to keep me busy”, he comments, obviously teasing, and Ciri looks over at them with a glint in her eye that tells Geralt that, when she was still so much younger, she would have stuck out her tongue. It makes Jaskier laugh, a soft, happy sound, then pretty pink lips press a kiss to the crown of his head, the weight of Jaskier’s hands on his shoulders disappearing for a moment as Jaskier joins him on the bench. He is wearing one of Geralt’s old shirts instead of his usual chemises, and the sight of it is enough to make Geralt’s heart sing. He must know, too, because his smile gains a mischievous edge that tells Geralt that Jaskier wouldn’t be averse to having the shirt torn off him later.

“Stop flirting when your daughter in the room”, Triss reprimands them gently, her tone too playful for Geralt to take her seriously, but just enough for Geralt to look at her, at Ciri, who is sitting on the floor in front of her so Triss can braid her hair, and is trying to stifle her laughter but failing. She has grown up to be everything Geralt always knew she would be, strong and kind and brave, stubborn and occasionally reckless, and there is nothing she could do to make Geralt love her any less. “This is nothing”, she tells Triss and almost makes Geralt regret his words. “Usually they are worse. Hey, Jask, remember Kaer Morhen, when I walked in on you – “ “Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, I distinctly remember you promising me to never talk about this ever again”, Jaskier interrupts her, his cheeks flushed but laughter tinging his voice anyway. “Don’t make add a stanza to The Lion Cub of Cintra about what a brat you are, posthumous slander would be a disastrous look for both of us.”

If anything, the words make Ciri giggle, Triss doing her best to keep her sitting still so she won’t mess up the braid, and Geralt wants to keep this memory forever, Triss’ gentle eyes and hands, Ciri’s happiness now they have her back and she doesn’t have to go and fill a role she was bred, but not born for, Jaskier next to him, reaching out to take Geralt’s hand in his, linking their fingers together. Leaning in and muttering softly, so neither of the women will hear, “Don’t you think this would be worth living for, darling?”

He leaves Judet behind, still nursing an ale Geralt bought her, and walks back to his inn, resisting the urge to check in on Roach, because it’s late and the mare surely is asleep already. But there is something so dreadful and familiar about returning to an empty room that Geralt almost changes his mind before unlocking the door, almost returns to more of Judet’s questions, more ale, more songs. But it won’t change anything, won’t make the cold bed more inviting later, so Geralt forces his fingers to turn the key, his hands to push the door open. What greets him is the scent of ranogrin and fool’s parsley, what greets him is heartbreak, and Geralt breathes it in deeply.

It takes the snap of a finger to ignite up the fireplace, its light reflecting in the windows, the buckles and plates of Geralt’s armour, and it must be serendipity that Geralt’s eyes catch a glint of white on the table, beneath the pouches of herbs he was meant to brew potions with. It’s a few sheets of paper, just enough for a letter on a night in which he craves company. He doesn’t know how to reach Ciri; sometimes they’ll meet up on the road, take a few contracts on together, but in the end, he has to let her go, because his cub has become a lioness and deserves the chance to make her own memories, untainted by destiny or politics. Yet, Geralt misses her, the daughter he never thought he could have, misses her even more tonight. In a few months, once winter has stretched out its icy fingers, they’ll meet in Kaer Morhen, but what usually passes in the blink of an eye seems to stretch endlessly now. However, while it will take time for them to meet, Ciri goes to visit Yennefer whenever she’s close by; Yennefer, who loves Ciri like a daughter and who has been a better friend to Geralt than he might deserve. Yennefer, who will surely hand Ciri his letter with a snide comment about how he is growing sentimental in his old age, but with her lilac eyes fond and brightened by understanding. And after all, it’s nothing Geralt could object to, not even if he wanted to.

Before anyone else can see it, Geralt rips the letter to shreds, feeling the thick paper give way far more easily than it should. It’s in tatters within seconds and he throws the remnants into the fire to make certain it stays his secret. In his chest, panic is rising quickly, a flood he hasn’t yet found a way to quell, but instead one that seems to get more dangerous with every time it crashes over him. One day, it will drag him out to sea, drown him there, Geralt knows it, and yet hasn’t found something to hold onto yet, even if he has tried his hardest. He has asked the elves and the dwarves, the dryads in Brokilon forest; he has written Triss more times than he could count, has asked Keira and even sent word to Philippa Eilhart, even if there had once been a time in which he had hoped to never deal with her again.

And he had asked Yennefer, right at the very end, when he didn’t know what else to do, not because he thought her the least capable, but because he knew she’d be the first to reject him. Now she was the last. It’s hard to breathe, and dimly, Geralt thinks that maybe he should be used to the feeling, but it doesn’t get easier, doesn’t get better, because time passes so quickly now, silently, that it seems that sometimes, all he does is blink and he loses months at a time, months he should have spent better, more carefully, with eyes wide open as not to miss a second. Because he doesn’t know how many he still has left.

The letter burns up quickly, painful words turning to dust, and Geralt is about to leave and try to take his mind of another hope that has been squashed, but then there are footsteps approaching, their pattern familiar, and even if his chest aches and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to summon a smile to his lips, he stays. Jaskier rounds the corner and Geralt feels his muscles relax despite himself when the bard comes closer, slides his arms around Geralt’s waist from behind, resting his chin on Geralt’s shoulder. Over the years, they have found a way to fit together so close to perfectly, and it’s second nature by now for Geralt to lean back against the man who is still everything to him, feel Jaskier hum softly in response.

“There you are”, Jaskier mutters into the crook of Geralt’s neck, his breath ticklish against the Witcher’s skin. “I’ve been searching for you. Winter after winter I have spent in this damned castle and yet I still cannot find my way around it.” He’s waiting for an answer, but Geralt can’t think of anything to say, not with the panic still lurking at the edges of his mind, waiting to strike again. It’s a vicious thing after all, keeping him up night after night, distracting him when he should be focussed, making him falter when he should be standing strong. “Ciri told me you had gotten a letter”, Jaskier continues once he realises that he will have to carries this conversation by himself, and Geralt nods in response, Jaskier’s hair tickling the side of his throat at the motion. “Who was it from?”

“Yen. Nothing important, don’t worry.” “The famed sorceress Yennefer of Vengerberg, finding time to do anything that isn’t of the greatest importance? I struggle to believe that.” Jaskier sounds playful, presses a kiss to the side of Geralt’s jaw, so obviously trying to cheer him up, and Geralt loves him so desperately he almost expects his chest to burst open, set both of them aflame. But he still can’t answer, can’t move, can hardly even speak, and it stings when Jaskier sighs into his shoulder, deflated. “You’ve been distant, darling”, he mumbles, and still leaves another kiss on Geralt’s cheek, as if he could somehow make it better. “Do you want to tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I could help. Or I could at least try to distract you from whatever it is.”

It’s the sweetest of offers and Geralt wants nothing more than to take it, but he can’t, doesn’t know how to. “It’s nothing, love”, he tells Jaskier and knows that the tone of his voice is giving him away. “You do not need to worry about it.” A moment passes, a pause filled with tension that Geralt isn’t familiar with but hates all the more, then Jaskier nods against his shoulder, slow and weary. “I’ll never stop worrying about you”, he mutters, and his voice is muffled by the fabric of Geralt’s shirt, dulled by resignation, but he still pulls Geralt closer, his heartbeat steady against the Witcher’s back. “But I’ll do my best to keep it at a minimum for you, darling.”

When he wakes, the sun has not yet risen, but the first rays of her light are already tinting the sky red and pink and golden, illuminating the small room just enough to let Geralt know a new day has begun. Although he tossed and turned all night, he feels rested, the last wisps of his dreams still lingering behind his lids whenever he closes his eyes. Memories of Yennefer helping Ciri up onto her first horse, Vesemir watching from afar and not being able to keep the smile from his face at Ciri’s obvious joy. Of Triss, exhausted but happy, because they had helped save a young mage and her lover from witch hunters, smuggling them out of Novigrad through a net of tunnels and caves beneath the city. Of Jaskier, always of Jaskier, pulling Geralt close to tuck his chin against his shoulder, his fingers strong and calloused as they thread themselves in Geralt’s hair; Jaskier beaming at him from across the room and lighting it up without knowing; Jaskier, with his hair more silver than brown, resting their foreheads together and telling Geralt, come home to me, dear heart, come home.

Usually, his dreams leave him frayed around the edges, as if half his heart was still caught up in the memories of how it used to be, yet he is calm as he pushes himself up, even if he still feels the ghost of Jaskier’s fingers on his shoulder, trying to pull him back down. Just a few more minutes, he can hear Jaskier mumble, his voice soft with sleep, don’t leave, you’re warm. Geralt shakes off the thoughts, there is no point in staying in bed when he’s the only one in it; instead, he dresses, ignoring how his body protests as he dons his armour once more, the leather and metal digging into familiar grooves and bruises. He is used to the discomfort, shrugs it off as best he can and packs the rest of his things, the herbs and his whet stone, shoulders his swords, knowing he’ll need them later. It’s just the letter he keeps in his hand, the white paper stained with ink from his untrained hands; he’ll leave it with the innkeeper, together with a few orens, and the request to post it.

Just before he leaves, on a whim, he takes the crushed ranogrin twig and stuffs it down his glove; the scent makes up tenfold for the way the needles prick his skin.

“Geralt, darling?”, Jaskier calls out as he steps into the room; Kaer Morhen is cold as ever and Jaskier is bundled up in what seems like every piece of clothing he could find. He sounds cautious, something Geralt has never associated with his bard, something that sets Geralt’s nerves on edge within seconds, makes his slow heart beat faster. “Lambert told me I would find you here. Can we talk?” He is fidgeting, fingers picking at the seams of one of his jackets, and Geralt hasn’t been able to get rid of the panic in his chest ever since Yennefer’s letter came, but it’s the first time it’s Jaskier’s words that summon it. A frantic hum starts right under Geralt’s skin, filling up the cavity of his chest until he feels like drowning, because Geralt cannot remember the last time Jaskier looked nervous around him and it pains him in a way he almost forgot about. It’s a quiet ache, settling deep in his bones, and Geralt knows he has to fix this, the need for it pushing even thoughts of potions, enchantments and solutions behind; he’ll fix this, he has to, because he cannot take Jaskier’s eyes being filled with uncertainty when he looks at him.

Geralt moves to stand up, to meet Jaskier in the middle and take him into his arms, kiss the worry from his furrowed brow, but Jaskier motions him to stay and instead joins Geralt on the bench he is sitting on, ignoring that it is close to the window, that the cold must be seeping through all his layers and chilling him to the bone. And yet, Geralt is frozen to his spot, unable to offer moving to another room, to pull Jaskier in his arms to warm him, because the other’s eyes look different up close, determined as ever, but with an ache hidden within the blue of them that takes Geralt’s breath away with its intensity. He doesn’t know what happened, only knows that he’d do anything to undo it. “What –“, he starts, but Jaskier interrupts him with the slightest shake of his head, a gentle smile on his lips. Yet, he soothes the sting of it by reaching out and taking Geralt’s hand in his, the callouses of his fingertips catching slightly on Geralt’s knuckles as Jaskier drags them across the back of his hands. It’s familiar, it’s love, it’s everything Geralt cannot bear to think of losing.

“Forgive me, darling, I don’t quite know how to say this”, Jaskier mutters and his voice is too soft, too sweet, too calm, makes Geralt’s heart ache because he can still see the pain in Jaskier’s eyes. “But Yennefer has written me a letter…and at first, I wondered what I had done to anger her, but she wrote that you’ve been asking her for something. A cure for mortality.” His hands are still holding onto Geralt’s, the only source of warmth still left, because Geralt is frozen inside, the panic no longer making his bones rattle because it’s congealed inside of him, making it impossible to breathe, to think. Jaskier was never supposed to find out, not before Geralt had found a way to fix this, and yet Jaskier is looking at him with more care, more love than should exist on the entire Continent, more sadness than Geralt ever wanted to allow within his heart.

“You must know”, Jaskier continues, strokes fingertips across Geralt’s useless hand before he brings it up to his lips, brushing a kiss against the knuckles, “that if I could, I would spend eternity with you. But Yennefer has assured me in no uncertain terms that there are just two way to achieve such a feat – become a sorcerer or go through the Trial of the Grasses, and we both know that I don’t possess a spark of magic within my body. And that, even if it was still a possibility, the Trial would do nothing but allow death to catch up to me much sooner.” Jaskier chuckles softly, without mirth in his voice, and Geralt feels his eyes starting to burn, his chest constricting, squeezing viscous panic through his veins, his lungs, until it starts to feel like heartbreak. Another kiss is pressed to his knuckles, meant to soothe, but Geralt is long past soothing.

“I love you, dearest. More than anything or anyone, and you have made my life more than I could ever have dreamt it to be before I met you. You are all of my best memories and it was you, who made the worst ones bearable. Having one lifetime with you in it, it’s all I could ever have asked for.” There are tears shining in Jaskier’s eyes, but he doesn’t allow them to fall, instead holds their joined hands against his cheek and looks at Geralt through his lashes, so much love in his gaze that Geralt forgets how to breathe. “One day”, Jaskier continues and Geralt knows that this is something he has been thinking of, written down in the confines of his head so he’ll deliver it perfectly, as if the right words could make their meaning hurt any less. The thought is terrifying beyond belief. “One day, I will have to leave you and it will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do, but it seems that there is nothing either of us can do against it. I’ll have to learn how to let you go, and believe me, dear heart, there is nothing in the world that could ever prepare me for how much it will hurt. And you will have to learn how to live without me, because I will ask the one thing of you I know you don’t want to give, again and again, for nothing but the most selfish of reasons. Just because I don’t want to even consider a world without you into it, even after I have passed.”

A tear spills from cornflower eyes, glistening in the dim light streaming through the window; it dampens Geralt’s skin where it is still pressed against Jaskier’s cheek, and he can’t look away, can’t do anything but allow Jaskier to talk and prepare his heart to be broken. “It will hurt and I won’t be there to soothe your pain, and nothing has ever scared me more than that thought, but I’ll do my best to help you with every step as long as I still can. Because I know, oh, my love, I know that I am the one who gets off easy and you will be the one who will have to bear my pain alongside with yours.” Another tear, another kiss to Geralt’s damp knuckles, then Jaskier lets their hands sink back to his lap and looks at him, his tenderness a sword that cleaves apart Geralt’s heart and lets its contents spill freely into the air between them. “If I could, I would take your place, your pain, but for once, I cannot. But I can give you another ten years, maybe twenty, and I can give you my heart, over and over again, and hope that it’s enough to make it worth it.”

Jaskier’s words dry up between them while Geralt’s heart still spills blood and love, threatening to drown them both; Jaskier deserves an answer, but Geralt can’t speak, can’t form a thought, because heartbreak has given way to love, filling up his entire being. Not enough to filter out the pain, but to make it seem more bearable for just a moment, because he’ll suffer through anything if it means he gets to keep Jaskier in his arms a little longer. Losing him still seems impossible, but Jaskier’s eyes are begging him for acceptance and Geralt has lost the ability to say no to him.

Instead of speaking, he pulls Jaskier into his arms, wrapping them around Jaskier’s slighter form until he can feel the lines of his body even through the layers of fabric, tucks his head into the crook of Jaskier’s neck and breathes in his scent. Jaskier’s chest is wrecked with half-suppressed sobs and Geralt holds him tighter, feels fingers weave themselves into his hair, smells a hint of chamomile and ranogrin and knows that his world has changed, irreversibly. “Anything”, he stutters and with that, rips a hole into his own chest to tear out his heart, lay it in Jaskier’s lap to decide its fate. He straightens, catches Jaskier’s gaze so he’ll know Geralt means it, even if his own eyes sting and Jaskier’s are bloodshot, wet with tears. “I’ll do anything you ask of me, Jaskier. You’ll always be worth it.”

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher fanfic #the witcher fanfiction #geraskier fic #geraskier fanfiction

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hunnywrites · 5 years ago

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Arcade Dreams: Chapter Three

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

It was Monday night. Teddi was bouncing back and forth between the video store and arcade. Some kid was having a birthday party and there were about fifteen eight year olds running around with icing smudged all over their faces. Keith definitely wasn’t going to be the one to handle them. The older kids harassed him, sure, but the little ones terrorized him. Teddi had lost count of how many times she’d seen the elementary kids throwing their shitty prizes at him from across the prize counter or blatantly ignored his pleas for them to stop running and acting like a bunch of “crackheads”. But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t find it a little funny.

So now she was busy following around a group of small children and wiping down the machines after their grimy little hands got cake and god only knows what else on the controls. “Teddi!” she turned to see who had called her, smiling at the two boys who were waving wildly at her from across the room. She made her way over, giving Lucas and Dustin each a high five.

“How’s it goin’ dudes? The crew’s not in tonight?” Mike, Will and the girl who she had learned was named El had been in all weekend, but she hadn’t seen Max in a few days, which was unusual. “Hey, is everything okay with Max? I haven’t seen her tagging along in awhile.”

Lucas made a face. “She got grounded. Two more days until she’s free. Will’s mom just came and picked him, Mike and El up though.” he explained, jabbing a thumb at the front door.

“Yeah, two more days until Lucas can see his girlfriend.” Dustin teased, poking his best friend in the side. Lucas slapped his hands away and muttered a “Shut up.”

Teddi laughed, raising an eyebrow. “Girlfriend? You can’t be dating, you guys are babies!” she couldn’t really be too surprised though. Anyone could see the puppy dog eyes Lucas and Max

had been flashing each other since she’d moved to Hawkins.

“Hey, hey! We’re men.” Dustin corrected her.

Lucas rolled his eyes, turning to Teddi. “So...can we?” He asked. Dustin perked up next to him. About a month ago, Dustin had found a way to trick the ticket counter into giving out more tickets. The gang had made a top secret mission out of it to keep the secret from Keith and the other kids at the arcade. But Teddi had been an important part in their scheme as long as she was willing.

“You know, you guys could always just save up your tickets. Try being patient.” she offered with an amused smile.

Lucas pulled a face. “Do you have any idea how long that would take? We’re halfway there! After tonight that bike is ours, and Christmas is next week. We’re on a deadline here, Teddi!” he reasoned. It was sweet really. There was this little white bicycle that had been hanging above the prize counter longer than she had been working there. The gang had all decided to pool their tickets together and give the bike to El for Christmas.

Teddi looked around the arcade and let out a heavy sigh. “Alright. You have twenty minutes until Keith gets back from his break. If anyone gives you shit just tell them you’re doing me a favor since I’m busy, okay? I gotta go check on things next door.” it was a risky move for the both of them to try and pull this off without the others, but Teddi knew they’d be able to pull it off.

“Yes!” they both cried. “Thank you, Teddi!” Dustin yelled before grabbing Lucas by the arm and pulling him along. Teddi shook her head, turning and heading back to the video store.

Things were quiet over there at least. There was a group of younger girls arguing over what movie to rent for the night and a kid begging with his parents to let him rent Friday the 13th. She decided to start going through the returns when the bell on the door rang and a small redhead ran in with a stack of tapes.

“Maxamillion!” Teddi greeted. While she liked all of Max’s friends, Teddi had a soft spot for her. She was sure that it was because she reminded Teddi so much of herself when she was her age. “I was just asking Lucas and Dustin about you, heard you got grounded.” She said with a teasing, stern look.

Max rolled her eyes and nodded, setting the tapes on the counter. “My mom totally shit a fit. And Billy’s been all pissy because he has to watch me. But these movies were awesome. He even liked them. And he hates everything.”

Teddi raised an eyebrow and looked down at the tapes Max was returning. Black Christmas, Alien, Sleepaway Camp and Carrie. “Wait, you’re Billy’s sister?” how hadn’t she put that together? Max had always said her brother was a dick, and Teddi didn’t know anyone in Hawkins who was a bigger dick than Billy.

“Step-sister.” Max corrected. And speak of the devil, in waltzed Billy himself with a cigarette between his lips and his shirt unbuttoned practically down to his belly button. Teddi scoffed loudly.

“There’s no smoking in here, Hargrove.” she said, her hands on her hips. Billy sauntered over, leaning against the counter and removing the cigarette from his lips before blowing a cloud of smoke in her face. She wanted to smack the smirk off his face.

“Bite me, Larsson,” he grinned. Teddi leaned forward and snatched the cigarette from his fingers, putting it out on the counter with an overly sweet smile. Max watched the exchange with an exhausted look. “...You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that?” he muttered.

“Yeah? Well, in here you’re my bitch,” he glared at Max when she let out a snort. “You didn’t tell me that Max was your step-sister,” she said, changing the subject. “You’re totally not cool enough to be related to her in any way.” she teased.

Billy rolled his eyes. “Please. What do either of you know about being cool?”

Max gave him an unimpressed look. “She’s way cooler than you.”

“Jesus, will you shut up and get some new tapes already? I don’t wanna hear Susan bitch about how long we took.” Max let out an over dramatic sigh and ran off to find something new to watch for the night. Billy’s fingers were tapping rapidly on the counter, clearly desperate for another smoke.

“...Rough night?” Teddi asked. He seemed a bit more on edge than usual. Paranoid. Like at any second shit was going to hit the fan.

“Fuck off, Teddi.” he spat. She rolled her eyes, but held her hands up in defense before turning back to sort through the returned tapes. Billy rubbed the back of his neck, eyeing her nervously but didn’t say anything.

Soon Max returned with two new tapes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist. Teddi nodded approvingly. “Tobe Hooper, awesome choice. You know, he uses real dead bodies in both of these. They said the Poltergeist set was totally haunted. Makes it like...a million times scarier.” Teddi explained as she rang the movies up.

“Awesome.” Max grinned.

“How the fuck do you know all of this? You’re like a bottomless pit of useless information.” Billy grunted out, pulling his wallet out.

“I read, Billy. You should try it sometime. Five bucks,” she held out her hand. Billy glared at her and slapped the bills into her palm. “Hope you like ‘em, Max! They’re due back Thursday. See you at the pool tomorrow, Hargrove.” Max smiled at Teddi and happily ran out of the store while Billy stuck another cigarette between his lips.

He turned to leave, calling “See ya, weird girl.” over his shoulder before flipping Teddi off and stomping out once again.

Eventually Keith came back and reluctantly handed the bike over to Lucas and Dustin after they turned in their tickets. When he told Teddi she could leave early for the night, she practically jumped the counter. She grabbed her coat and bag and rushed outside, hissing as the cold air hit her bare legs. Summer can’t come fast enough, she thought as she rushed over to her car and got in, cranking up the heat. It was late, and Teddi was hoping that would mean her parents would be asleep by the time she got home.

Things had never been great between her and her parents. It had been the worst when she was little. Once her dad started making good money things eased up because he was never home, and she didn’t care very much if her mother ignored her or not. But now that money was thin Teddi could sense the storm coming. So to avoid it she tried her best to stay out of the house as often as possible.

Unfortunately for her, she noticed the lights were still on in the living room once she pulled into the driveway. She let out a heavy sigh, trudging in and hanging her coat up by the door. Her dad was asleep in the recliner with a beer bottle sitting between his legs. Her mother was nowhere to be seen.

Teddi grabbed the bottle and shut the TV off before gently shaking his shoulder. “Dad, wake up. It’s almost midnight.”

He groaned, blinking up at her and pulling away harshly. “Get the fuck off me,” he muttered before looking around and frowning. “Where have you been all day?”

“Work, dad.”

He scoffed. “Right, work. Laying out by the pool and playing video games all day.”

Teddi rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to argue. She wanted to shower and get in bed. If anything she was surprised he remembered where she worked. That was more than she ever expected from him.

“Don’t you fucking roll your eyes at me. Should you even be awake this late on a school night?”

Teddi headed down the hall. “It’s Christmas break,” She said simply before shutting her bedroom door. Teddi pulled off her boots, tossing them into her closet before plopping down on her bed. “Five more months,” she reminded herself quietly. “Five more months.” Once May rolled around she would graduate high school and finally be free of her parents. She didn’t know in what capacity yet, but she didn’t really care. Even if it meant sticking in Hawkins but living on her own. She just wanted out.

Once the living room light shut off and she heard her parent’s bedroom door shut, she grabbed clean pajamas and headed for the shower. The water was near scalding, but it did wonders to relieve her tense muscles. Unfortunately she found herself thinking about Billy.

Tomorrow she would be helping him teach one of the swim classes. Or watching and learning as he had put it. She couldn’t really picture him teaching little kids much of anything. Maybe how to smoke and swear at their parents, but definitely not swimming. He was too gruff. When he was up in that lifeguard seat he reigned with near terror. Just the day before he had made a six year old cry after he had called him a shitbird for splashing too much. At least she would be there to hopefully provide a more gentle touch to the lesson.

Things between her and Billy were...weird. One minute they were bickering, the next they pretended the other didn’t exist, then they would both be huddled together laughing at this one dad who liked to strut around in a speedo and hit on moms while his kid was in the pool. And this was just over the span of three days.

Teddi sighed loudly and willed herself to think of anything else. Soon Christmas break would be over and school would start back up at least. She could go back to being a friendly acquaintance to the kids in her classes and she’d get invited to parties on the weekend. Not that she’d go, but being invited was nice. And hopefully soon the months would fly by, she’d get accepted into a college and she could get far, far away from Hawkins. But until then she’d have to deal with Billy. Without killing him.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x oc

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faveficarchive · 5 years ago

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Beyond Price

By: A.L.Dunham

Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: Gabrielle makes a deal with Ares, and the results might prove deadly.

CHAPTER ONE

The air in the room was heavy and oppressive, a tangible force pressing in upon the occupants. Gabrielle wanted nothing better than to throw open the windows, but sleet beat down outside and she had been warned that the last thing Xena needed was a chill.

Frustrated by her helplessness, the bard could only sit beside her dearest love, murmuring low peaceful words and hoping that they were heard. She looked up expectantly when a short, rotund man walked into the room.

“Any change?” He asked brusquely.

“No. She hasn’t woken up.”

“Damn sickness wiped out half the village to the north,” the man said under his breath as he stood at a small side table and began grinding together a mixture of herbs.

“But she’s a fast healer. She’ll be alright,” Gabrielle’s words were half statement, half imploring question.

“I don’t know,” the healer said gently. “I’m surprised she’s lasted this long.”

“Well you must be able to do something for her!”

Gabrielle rose from her seat and advanced towards the healer, her eyes begging him to answer her with reassurances.

“Believe me, I’m doing everything I can,” he said.

Gabrielle turned back to the warrior, lying so still and weak. Tears pricked her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She had to be the strong one. She leaned down close to Xena’s face and whispered in her ear.

“I lost you once… I am not going to lose you again!”

Then she stood up and spoke to the healer, a fire burning behind her eyes, her face set in a mask of determination.

“Watch her. Don’t you dare let her die on me. I just have a quick errand to run.”

The healer had turned away during the bard’s private moment with her warrior, but he knew and could see the love, fierce and unwavering, emanating from her as she spoke.

“I’ll take good care of her,” he assured her.

Gabrielle ran a soothing hand over the warrior’s forehead and kissed her gently on the lips before quickly turning to leave the room. She only paused to grab her cloak and staff and then she was gone.

Outside the air was frigid and held the taste of snow. The ground was frozen hard and slippery from the recent storm. Still, Gabrielle found it a relief after the stuffy confines of the healer’s home. She passed some village residents and returned their friendly greetings. The healer had obviously told them of the warrior princess who lay so deathly ill. She couldn’t know that he had spoken more of the warrior’s companion, tireless in her efforts to comfort and heal.

It was only a short walk to the center of the village and once there she didn’t falter in her steps to the temple. It was small, but carefully maintained. A fire burned in the pit before the alter, which was covered with candles and small offerings. There were no statues; the village was too small for that, but weapons, meticulously polished, hung on the walls, silent testament to the god who was worshipped there.

Gabrielle walked to the alter and knelt down. She didn’t begin the usual litany of worship, but simply whispered her plea.

“Ares,” her voice was barely audible, “please come to me and show yourself.” She remained kneeling, prepared to wait patiently for some sign, but she hadn’t long to wait.

“Well look who’s here! Does your warrior know where you are?” The god spoke in mocking tones.

“You know she doesn’t,” Gabrielle replied, drawing on a strength she had almost depleted. “I’m sure you’ve kept your eye on her.”

“Well, yes. I admit that I have. Just waiting for opportunity to knock.”

“Well it won’t have much of a chance if she dies,” Gabrielle stated. “Don’t look so shocked… You just said you’ve been watching everything.”

“Yes I have. My surprise comes from you thinking that it will all be over if she dies. Have you any idea how much I have planned for her in Tartarus?”

Gabrielle noticeably paled and reached out a hand to support herself on the alter.

“That’s not where she’s going.”

“Oh isn’t it? Little Gabrielle, such the optimist.”

“Only Hades makes that decision!” Gabrielle exclaimed.

“True, true, but you know I always have a few favors I can call in,” he chuckled as he watched the bard struggle with herself.

Tears threatened to overwhelm her but she held them in check.

“Ares, I didn’t come here to argue with you. I came to ask your help… your mercy.”

“Help? Mercy?! For a mortal who turned her back on me?!”

“For a mortal how helped you regain your godhead.”

“I gave her my thanks for that. She got her body back., didn’t she?”

Gabrielle only stared at him. If it hadn’t been for him Callisto never would have been able to switch bodies with Xena in the first place.

“Look bard, you know I can’t grant your request without an offering. I’d look like a sappy wuss.”

The air in the temple grew perfectly still as Gabrielle lowered her gaze to the floor.

“I don’t have anything to give you,” she said, and then remembered the pendant Xena had given her one week after they admitted their love for one another.

Xena had been almost shy, presenting her with the golden necklace. It was a miniature version of her chakram, complete with tiny blue gems. Gabrielle had cried, unable to contain her joy. Then they had talked and made love and held each other all night long.

Now Gabrielle’s hand moved up to brush over the symbol of her love and then she opened her mouth to speak.

“Oh don’t bother. Such sentimentality! No, I don’t want your precious necklace.”

Gabrielle looked at him, clearly confused, “Then what?”

“Your innocence. Xena’s life for your innocence… an even trade I believe.”

“What?” the bard was even more confused. “I don’t—“

“For the love of—do I have to spell it out for you? Your blood innocence. I want you to kill someone.”

Gabrielle stared at him blankly. Take a life? She had long ago sworn never to do such a thing, knowing even then that it could someday come to that. Now she thought of Xena, lying so helpless, depending on her.

“W- who?” she asked quietly.

“Oh no one in particular. I’m going to make it easy on you. See, I’ll heal Xena and you will then have ten days to make your first kill. The way you two run into trouble it shouldn’t take more than two,” Ares chuckled to himself.

“You mean Xena will be with me?” this was getting worse and worse.

“Why yes, of course. I’m willing to keep her alive but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t relish inflicting a little pain. What could be more painful than seeing her little girlfriend start down the same road that she chose so many years ago?”

Gabrielle looked straight at Ares but did not see him. She saw only the look that she knew would shadow Xena’s features if she did as he required. Then she saw the bleak years ahead of her if Xena were to die.

“I haven’t got all day, blondie. You should be grateful. You only have to kill someone who’s out for your blood anyway. I could be telling you to kill your own mother.”

The young woman blinked and looked Ares in the eye. In a way he was right. The person she killed would not be an innocent. She thought of Xena, bravely holding onto life…how could she let her die knowing she could prevent it? Xena’s life for that of a blood thirsty stranger. How difficult was the decision, really?

“Alright, Ares,” she said firmly, “I accept your conditions.”

Ares smiled, “I’m glad, little bard. I admit that I would have missed having Xena here on the mortal plane. Go now… She’s calling for you. Remember… ten days.”

Before his words could completely reach Gabrielle’s ears Ares had disappeared in a flash of white light. The stunned Amazon was frozen for a moment, unable to comprehend the bargain which had just been struck. Then, with a small gasp she turned on her heel and bolted out of the temple.

Gabrielle was chilled to the bone and her mind was spinning by the time she arrived back at the healer’s cottage. The sky had darkened to a dull metal grey and the sleet had changed to a drizzling, half-hearted rain.

The bard stepped through the door and quickly shed her cape, brushing the cold water from her forehead as she did so.

Stephanos came shuffling out of the back room as soon as he heard Gabrielle enter. She looked at him with the trepidation borne of many false hopes.

“How is she?” she ventured to ask.

“I can hardly explain it, young bard! She woke not half a candlemark ago! Been askin’ for you ever since.”

Gabrielle hardly heard his words, she only picked up on his cheerful expression and then hurried to where she had left her lover.

Her eyes traveled quickly over Xena’s form, noting the subtle change in coloring, the relaxed expression on her face. The blue eyes were closed, but Gabrielle could easily imagine them beaming out at her. She went to the bed and took one of Xena’s hands in both of hers.

“Can you hear me Xena?” she asked quietly.

The warrior nodded as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Yes,’ she said, her voice rough from disuse, “and your hands are like ice! Have you been out in this weather?” she arched an eyebrow indicating the window which was being pelted by the now steady rain.

“Only for a minute. I had to run an errand. But I’m here now. I promise not to leave your side.”

Xena saw the devotion in her bard’s eyes and smiled.

“Well I think I could permit you a little free time,” she joked and was relieved to see the familiar sparkle in the bright green eyes.

“How long have I been out of it?”

“Almost a quarter-moon. Five days,” Gabrielle replied.

“Mmm…” Xena’s brow wrinkled as she struggled to remember. “I remember killing that big cobra north of Antires. Is that where we are now?”

“Yeah. You weren’t feeling well so you decided we should stay at an inn for a change.” The bard didn’t mention how Xena’s mere admission of illness had been enough to frighten her. “You took a fever that night and I couldn’t wake you. The innkeeper’s son carried you here to the village healer, Stephanos. He’s been great.”

Xena laid a hand against Gabrielle’s cheek. “Yeah, but you’re the one who really makes me feel better.”

Gabrielle turned her head to kiss the warrior’s palm, slightly surprised by the touching admission in a strange and almost public place.

“Well ya know, that’s part of my job as ‘trusty sidekick’,” the bard said in an effort to lighten the mood.

“Oh I think it goes way beyond ‘trusty sidekick’.” Xena said with that sly little look that Gabrielle was so familiar with.

“It does, hmmm?”

“Oh yeah,” the warrior murmured as she pulled Gabrielle down for an achingly slow kiss.

When they broke apart Gabrielle gave a little laugh. “Well you sure know how to make me feel better too.”

After a few more minutes of simply basking in their connection Gabrielle insisted that Xena close her eyes and go back to sleep.

“Only if you’ll lie down too,” the warrior countered.

“Xena, it’s a small bed and you need to get your rest.”

“We’ve shared smaller and you look like you could use some rest, too.”

Gabrielle had to admit that her lover was right, on both counts.

“C’mon…” Xena was using her best pouty-child voice, “you know I always sleep better with you beside me.”

Gabriele rolled her eyes at the mixture of flattery and whining, but she was also smiling and she bent over to unlace her boots. Xena grinned in victory and moved over to one edge of the bed. Soon the bard was comfortably ensconced in the tiny bed, curled next to a very content warrior. She noticed that Xena’s eyes were very quick to close after they arranged themselves in a tangle of arms and legs. It was a small sign of how sick the warrior had been and how much she still needed to recover.

The bard let her eyes trace over her love’s features, once again committing them to memory. She knew that she had made the right decision. For now though, she wanted to forget about deals and killing and all the other troubling things that played at the edges of her consciousness. She settled her head on Xena’s chest and allowed herself to be lulled to sleep by the steady rhythm beneath her ear.

Gabrielle woke early the next morning, pleased to find that her companion held no trace of fever and was breathing comfortably. Nevertheless she knew that Xena still had some recovering to do and she quietly slipped out of the bed and padded into the common room where Stephanos was making breakfast.

“Good morning, Gabrielle,” he greeted her, “you’re looking better rested than you have since I met you.”

“Yeah, well knowing that Xena’s going to be ok does a lot for my sleeping patterns,” she joked.

“I’m making some nice, mild cereal for the warrior. Hopefully she won’t have any trouble keeping it down. Sit yourself down and you can test it out,” he said with a wink.

“Oh I think she’ll be able to handle it,” Gabrielle said, knowing that thanks to Ares the illness was gone and only the slight aftereffects remained. “How long do you think it will be before she’s able to travel?”

“Well now, I don’t care how fast a healer she is I wouldn’t go making plans already!” Stephanos said with a laugh, entranced by the bard’s gung-ho optimism. He scooped some hot cereal into a bowl and set it before her on the table.

“I know, I know, but she gets really irritable when she’s cooped up,” Gabrielle said between bites. “I have a feeling she’ll be demanding that we move on soon.”

“Hmmm… ya, I can see that might be the way with her. If she eats ok for the next few days she should be strong enough to travel. But remember, the weather here isn’t exactly good for the health.”

“I’m hoping that she’ll agree to go south. We have friends there and once we get out of the mountains the weather should improve,” Gabrielle said.

Stephanos nodded and then moved to don his cloak.

“I have to run to the other end of the village, but you just see that she gets some of that cereal when she wakes,” he said.

“I will. And thanks, Stephanos. For everything.”

Stephanos, like so many before him, blushed under Gabrielle’s sincere and generous thanks. He gave her a little nod and smile and then walked out, shutting the door tight behind himself.

Gabrielle continued eating the bland but filling breakfast as she worked out a plan in her mind. She knew that her stubborn warrior would insist on leaving within the next day. She would go along with her but would convince Xena to go to the Amazons and finish rebuilding her strength there. It would take about two days to get out of the mountains, but there were numerous villages they could stop at to rest. Once in the lowlands it would only be another day or two before they reached the Amazons. That would still give her at least two days to complete her part of the bargain. She would make up some excuse to leave Xena in the village…maybe she could say she wanted to visit the Amazon outposts while they were there. Then she could do Ares’ bidding and return without Xena ever knowing. After all, Ares had just assumed the warrior would be with her. He had never demanded that she be present. Yes, that’s how she would do it. It wouldn’t be so hard. It was worth it to keep Xena alive.

A sound from the other room caused Gabrielle to jerk her head in that direction. She quickly filled another bowl with cereal, poured hot water over the herbal tea Stephanos had left, and carried it all into Xena’s room.

“Are you awake?” she asked, seeing that Xena’s eyes were closed.

“Yep,” came the reply, “saw that you weren’t here so I thought I’d just close my eyes again.”

“Sorry about that,” Gabrielle said, remembering that she had promised not to leave. “I was just in the other room. I brought you something to eat, and some nice tea.”

The bard set down the bowl and mug and helped Xena adjust her pillows so that she was sitting up.

“Smells good,” Xena commented, sniffing experimentally at the tea.

“Better than you make,” Gabrielle grinned, “Stephanos actually puts in stuff to cover the bitter taste of the medicine.”

“Hmph. That’s kids’ stuff,” she said, but she took a long sip of tea and her face relaxed at the smooth, sweet taste.

“Kids’ stuff, eh?” Gabrielle questioned.

Xena opened eyes that had slipped closed in contentment, “Ok, so maybe it’s pretty good.” She smiled and caught her partner’s eyes in a loving gaze.

“I’m feeling better already,” Xena said cheerfully as she finished the last of her food.

“Mmm-hmmm,” Gabrielle replied, knowing that the debate was about to begin.

“Yeah. We can head out tomorrow morning,” the warrior said with authority.

“Actually I was thinking that we should stay here for at least another quarter-moon.”

“Seven days?!” it was Xena’s typical response and Gabrielle had been expecting it which was why she’d set her estimate so high. “How about tomorrow afternoon?” the warrior countered.

“Mmm… I really think you need more rest than that.”

“Gabrielle…” Xena’s voice was a low rumbling in her chest.

“Ok, day after tomorrow,” the bard offered.

“Deal,” Xena agreed and settled back against the pillows.

Gabrielle watched her and smiled. Oh yeah, she knew her warrior pretty well.

Xena’s eyes were slowly drifting shut and it was relatively easy for the bard to convince her to take a little nap. She mentioned that she would probably use the time to update her scrolls and look around for something to eat for lunch. Xena chuckled at the way Gabrielle was already thinking of their next meal. Then she turned to the young amazon and accepted a gentle kiss before rolling onto her side and allowing sleep to steal over her.

The worst of the weather seemed to have passed and Gabrielle wandered over to the window. It was still overcast but for once the bard was the restless one and she decided that some staff drills were definitely in order. She gave one last check on her partner, pulling the blankets up to her chin, and then grabbed her staff and headed outside. There was a small yard behind the healer’s hut and Gabrielle viewed it as the ideal practice place.

The bard reflected that it had taken all of her storytelling skills to keep her secret from Xena during breakfast. Her mind was crowded with plans guilt and doubt surrounding the task she had before her. She knew that keeping up the act would only become more difficult but she could only imagine the warrior’s reaction if she found out about the deal. She wasn’t about to allow that to happen. No. Xena had made numerous sacrifices, taken dozens of risks, given everything for her, and she was not about to do any less for the warrior.

Before beginning her drills Gabrielle tried to clear all those thoughts from her mind. She stood in the center of the yard and started with breathing exercises. She closed her eyes and drew in a breath of cool air. A warm front had moved in and pushed the sleet and rain off, but the air was still raw and damp. It cut into her lungs and bit at her exposed skin but instead of being painful it focused and invigorated her.

After a few more breaths she began with simple moves, allowing her muscles to stretch out and relax into the routine. Overhead the sun began moving from behind the hazy cloud cover. By the time it was fully visible the amazon had transitioned into a more complex series of motions. She had moved beyond the problems and troubles in her mind. Her body moved with the precision and grace of a musician who no longer has to think of the music but who simply plays.

Eventually she began to slow down her movements, turning lazy eights in the air, and circling her imaginary opponent. She was breathing heavily and feeling every part of her body sing out when she finally executed an overhead twirl and planted her staff on the ground.

“Very impressive.”

Gabrielle spun around and watched as Xena stepped from the shadows near the house. She gave her warrior a mock stern look as she walked over to her.

“You are supposed to be in bed,” she said as she slipped one arm around Xena’s waist.

The warrior was dressed in her leathers, minus armor, and her thick wool cloak.

“Yes, but I wore this,” she said, tugging at the black wool, “so I thought that would balance things out.” She grinned down at her red-headed bard and was rewarded with and all out smile.

“Well I think we’d better get you back inside before I decide that we should stay an extra day,” Gabrielle joked as she took Xena’s hand and led her back into the hut.

“Yes mom,” Xena replied in a voice that dripped sarcasm.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and gave the warrior a gentle backhand to the stomach which caused the warrior to let out a growl that quickly degenerated into a laugh.

“I thought you were going to find lunch,” she said as she hung up her cloak and placed Gabrielle’s staff near the door.

“You’re hungry?!” Gabrielle exclaimed. Xena rarely let on that she possessed such mundane feelings.

“Maybe a little,” Xena replied with her characteristic half smile.

“Well you sit yourself down by the fire and I’ll see what I can do,” the bard said happily as she poked through Stephanos’ food stores. The kind healer had already given her free reign in the kitchen, citing that she was a far better cook.

Xena seated herself at the heavy wooden table, slightly surprised at how good it felt to sink into the soft cushions which padded the chair. Maybe Gabrielle was right about needing a little rest. She glanced around the main room of the dwelling, taking it in for the first time. There wasn’t much furniture aside from the table and four chairs surrounding it. A bench sat front of the fireplace along with a willow rocking chair with a small table in between them. Along the opposite wall were shelves full of small jars, flasks and other medical supplies. A wide shelf a little higher than waist height served as a work surface there. There were a few more shelves near the fireplace that held dishes and food.

At the back of the room were the doors leading to Stephanos’ room and the sickroom. There were curtains draped across the doorways and the one leading into the sickroom could be tied back with a length of cord and a nail in the wall. Xena supposed that was sot hat the healer could watch his patient even from the front room.

Before long Xena was brought out of her observations by Gabrielle placing a wonderful smelling bowl of soup in front of her.

“This looks great,” she said, “just what I needed.”

Gabrielle smiled at the compliment and sat down with her own bowl. Before she could start eating Xena reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

“I mean it, Gabrielle,” she said, “thank you for everything. You always take such good care of me.”

Gabrielle felt her heart speed up at Xena’s touch, feeling the love pass between them through their hands and through their eyes.

“You deserve it,” the bard said thoughtfully. Not ‘you’d do the same for me’, not ‘oh it’s nothing’, but ‘you deserve it’. The phrase was a pointed reminder of how Gabrielle viewed her lover, as a woman who deserved everything she could give her. Everything including… Gabrielle could feel her thoughts moving in a dangerous direction and occupied herself with her soup.

As Xena drank down the last of the broth from her soup she peered over the edge of the bowl at Gabrielle. She was trying to gauge the bard’s mood.

“Ummm,” she finally started speaking, “I really am feeling a lot better, Gabrielle.”

“Xena…” the bard’s voice held the warrior’s usual dangerous tone.

“No, really. I think we should head out tomorrow while the weather’s still good.”

One look at Xena’s face and Gabrielle knew that arguing would be futile so she decided to take advantage of the situation as best she could.

“Ok. We’ll leave tomorrow. But…” she paused for effect and Xena tapped her foot, “we head towards the amazon village where we can both have a nice long rest.”

Xena’s eyes narrowed. Gabrielle had certainly gotten to be a shrewd bargainer in and out of the marketplace.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan,” she agreed, knowing that Gabrielle could be just as stubborn as she was. “I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see their queen.”

Gabrielle colored slightly and grinned in response to Xena’s mention of her title. She was always a little taken aback when her lover referred to her that way… though sometimes it had led to some interesting little ‘games’. Her smile widened and Xena guessed what she was thinking about.

“That’s another good reason to leave. As nice as Stephanos is, I doubt that he’d take to kindly to us keeping him up all night.”

The warrior raised one eyebrow suggestively and Gabrielle squirmed in her seat.

“You may have a point!”

CHAPTER TWO

Gabrielle woke the next morning to an empty bed. Obviously Xena was very serious about getting on the road. The bard smiled… her warrior could be so single-minded! Hard to believe that two days ago she had been close to death. A sudden knot formed in Gabrielle’s stomach and she rolled over, counting the days. Yes, it had been two days since her deal with Ares… at least she assumed he wasn’t counting the day she actually made it. She slowly got out of bed, dreading what she knew her future held and wishing that she could just fast forward to after she had done it. Maybe that way she wouldn’t feel it so much.

“Up already, huh Gabrielle?” Xena said as she entered the room.

“Wh-what?” the bard replied, her mind still flooded with dark thoughts.

“I figured I’d have to drag you out of that comfy bed,” the warrior turned from where she was gathering up their saddlebags and took hold of her lover’s shoulders. “Are you ok, Gabrielle? You seem a little out of it.”

Gabrielle shook her head to clear it and plastered a smile on her face. “Oh you know me, just takes a while for me to wake up all the way.”

“Ok, just checking,” Xena replied as she bent to take the bard’s lips with her own.

It was a sweet, loving kiss and just as they parted a tear formed in Gabrielle’s eye and she blinked quickly to rid herself of it. Would Xena still be kissing her if she knew about her deal with Ares? Would she love her after she had gone against her own rules and killed someone? The bard moved away and packed up her scrolls. She tried to convince herself that it didn’t matter how Xena felt about her, at least she’d be alive.

Part of Xena’s early morning activities had included catching two fat rabbits and a string of fish. It took some wheedling but eventually Stephanos was convinced to keep them, as payment for all his help. Gabrielle contributed a heartfelt hug and a kiss on the cheek while the round man blushed furiously.

“You just make sure she stays healthy,” he said, patting Gabrielle on the back.

“Believe me,’ Gabrielle replied, “that’s my mission in life.” She gave a little smile, reflecting how true that statement was.

By the time bard and healer had parted Xena was finished tightening Argo’s girth. She swung herself up into the saddle and then reached down for her partner. Gabrielle looked at her as if she had suddenly grown snakes for hair.

“C’mon Gabrielle. You’re the one who wants to make sure we get to the amazons as soon as possible, right?”

“Oh alright,” the bard grumbled as she allowed herself to be lifted up behind the warrior.

She settled herself against Xena’s back as they moved off. Her face pressed into the wool cloak she had insisted the warrior wear, breathing in the comforting scent. She let herself relax, closing her eyes against the real world and imagining that the wonderful feelings surrounding her at that moment would never end.

For a few candle-marks Gabrielle’s attempts at denial worked well. She was able to push aside everything except her intense feelings of love for the woman she clung to. Xena, surprised that Gabrielle hadn’t demanded to get down and walk, was grateful for the contact as well.

Her illness had infested her with fever dreams and troubling images from her past. Gabrielle’s solid, very real presence behind her gave her a feeling of security and belonging. She was awake and healthy and she had the most wonderful woman to love and be loved by. That knowledge quickly chased any remaining demons to the far corners of her mind.

They stopped for only a brief rest and lunch under the trees and then Xena was mildly surprised when Gabrielle was the one to insist they move on. The warrior looked carefully at her partner and spotted the tiny wrinkle on her brow, a sure sign that something was going on with her. Well, they’d be with the amazons soon, plenty of time to figure out this little mystery then.

She couldn’t know the bard’s reason for agreeing to ride and her reluctance to stop. Gabrielle, now that she had set a course for herself, was terrified that they would come upon some sort of trouble before she could leave Xena with the amazons. She wanted to complete her task without the warrior knowing about it, but what if she was given her chance beforehand? Could she risk Xena’s life by not taking it?

Gabrielle continued to ride after lunch but now Xena could feel a certain tenseness in her body and she had to cover the bards nervous hands with one of her own before those gentle fingers drove her to distraction with their constant stroking along her stomach. The bard did grin somewhat abashedly at that, and as Xena thought back she realized it was the first real smile she had seen all day.

Argo, after a week of barn life, was feeling full of herself. In fact she seemed to be the only member of the little party that wasn’t preoccupied. She tossed her head and took a few prancing steps to get Xena’s attention. The warrior patted her on the neck and spoke soft nonsense words to her. Gabrielle, hearing Xena talking gently to Argo, smiled. She was once again in a place where Xena was the only thing that mattered.

“I think you’re soft on this horse,” she murmured, resting her chin on the warrior’s shoulder.

“Not at all,” Xena retorted playfully, “I just wanted to make sure… she was paying attention.” Her explanation definitely needed work.

“Uh-huh,” Gabrielle commented, giving her a little tickle under the ribs.

“Ok, ok,” rolled eyes and a smirk accompanied her admission, “maybe I’m a little soft on her. But after all, she is my best friend.” The warrior was eager to continue their friendly bantering, she had felt Gabrielle relax the moment it started.

That earned her a poke and a feral growl near her ear.

Xena turned her head to look into Gabrielle’s eyes, “Ok, second best friend,” she amended and took the opportunity to steal another kiss.

“That’s better,” the bard resumed her position against Xena’s back.

“Trust me, Gabrielle. You are the one thing in this world I couldn’t live without.”

They had only travelled another few hundred paces down the road when Xena suddenly sat straight up, every muscle on alert.

“Get down,” she whispered to Gabrielle. “Men, a dozen or so, riding right towards us.”

Gabrielle’s eyes went wide. “Well c’mon, lets get off the road and hide,” she replied, her voice low.

“I said there are only a dozen of them. We can handle that many, easy,” a spark was lit in Xena’s eyes.

“But you’re still recovering,” Gabrielle insisted.

The warrior looked down at her love and was startled to see a look of fear on her face. She hadn’t seen that look in battle for a very long time. Gabrielle was too good with her staff to be frightened of much these days. She opened her mouth to ask what the real problem was, but it was too late as the dust from the approaching riders heralded their entrance from around a bend in the road.

The men were distinctly scruffy looking and Gabrielle gave up any hope that they were simply a group of friends out for a ride. Xena, having never harbored such a hope merely let her hand drift to her chakram, her eyes sending a clear message to the ruffians. Unfortunately it was one they chose not to read.

“That’s a fine horse,” the leader spoke, unsheathing his sword and pointing at Argo. “Maybe you let us have ‘er and we won’t bother with you.”

“And maybe I won’t let you have her and you still won’t bother us,” Xena said, her voice oozing control, her body ready to attack.

The leader was a large man, with a tousled shock of greasy dark hair and a rough beard which he stroked thoughtfully, as if considering the proposition.

“Nah, I don’t think that’s one of the options here,” he said and at a nod from him the other men dismounted, unsheathing their swords as they did so.

Gabrielle took up her battle stance as five of the men approached her. The others were busy surrounding Xena and Argo. The leader, still mounted, charged at the leather-clad warrior princess but Xena wasn’t about to chance Argo getting hurt. She vaulted from the saddle as she gave her war cry, easily toppling the leader from his horse and sending the other warriors into a frenzy of fighting.

Xena could tell from the outset that it wouldn’t be much of a fight. With a few well executed thrusts and turns she was able to unarm half of the men attacking her. She spared a glance for her companion but saw that Gabrielle had things well under control.

Actually the amazon bard was feeling anything but controlled. While her body fought the men in front of her, her mind fought with itself, struggling to decide if this was the time for her to fulfill her deal with Ares. Luckily the men weren’t very skilled and she was able to fend them off even with her lack of concentration. The first two fell easily into senseless heaps when she diverted their attention and then pushed them head first into each other. The next was slightly harder but she finished him off with a sweep to his legs followed by a downward blow to the head, just hard enough to incapacitate.

She was down to her final opponent and he sneered at her as she spun her staff in front of herself, waiting for an opening. He drove his sword at her midsection and she deflected the blow and landed one of her own to his stomach. After a moment of recovery he looked at her with blood in his eye.

“I’m gonna have fun with you, missy,” he chuckled. “We’ll see how tough you are with this staff,” he continued, as he vulgarly grabbed at his crotch.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Gabrielle replied, a sudden hardness invading her eyes.

Before the man could even react she had spun around and smashed her staff down onto his sword arm, sending the weapon skittering to the ground at her feet. She knew that with one well placed blow to his head it would all be over. The fight and the deal. She was well aware that the staff could be just as deadly as any sword. Her mind was still at war, though, now wondering if she would ever be able to use her staff again once she had used it to kill a man.

The moment of indecision was all the man needed. He made a rough grab at her staff. For a brief second she resisted, then knelt down and let him jerk it away from her as she picked up his sword. The man hadn’t really intended on taking the staff for himself, he only wanted to get it away from the bard, and now it slipped out of his grasp as he stared down the length of his own steel.

It would be so easy to kill him. One twist of her wrist and she could drive the point into his heart. She’d certainly seen it done often enough to know where to strike. Her hands shook as she closed down her mind and heart to what she was about to do.

“Gabrielle! Duck!” Xena’s voice cut through the haze that enveloped her and she instantly obeyed, dropping to her knees in the dirt.

She heard the whine of the warrior’s chakram as it flew over her head and hit a man who had been sneaking up on her then ricocheted and struck the man she had been fighting. Xena ran to the bard’s side, quickly helping her up and scanning for injuries. Then she took the sword from Gabrielle’s nerveless fingers.

“What were you doing with this?” she asked, stunned and confused by what she had seen.

“I—I lost my staff in the fight,” Gabrielle explained, only a slight untruth, “it was the only weapon I could grab.” She avoided Xena’s gaze, looking instead at the warriors slowly regaining their senses around them.

Xena bent to pick up the staff which lay only a foot away from Gabrielle. Something was not right and now she wondered if it would wait until they reached the amazons. She handed the staff to Gabrielle wordlessly and moved to yank the ruffian leader into an upright position.

“Listen up,” she said as he struggled to focus his eyes on her. “Lucky for you and your men I’m in a good mood and decided not to kill any of you. If I see you again I can guarantee I will not be in a good mood. Now get yourselves together and get outta here.”

He nodded vigorously and stumbled to his feet. Within minutes the men had staggered down the road and out of sight.

Gabrielle was sitting on a fallen log, staff across her lap, chin in her hands, eyes staring out at nothing. Xena sidled up to her slowly and sat down beside her, draping one arm over the strong shoulders.

“Ya wanna talk about what just happened?” she asked.

“Not really,” Gabrielle answered. “I wouldn’t have really killed him,” she said softly, knowing that it was quite possibly a lie.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Xena said. She knew her bard could never kill another person, but she was concerned about her emotional well-being after being put in such a situation. “Sometimes it’s a shock to even come close,” she said, attempting to comfort to woman beside her.

“Yeah. It is,” and this time it was the absolute truth.

CHAPTER THREE

Warrior and bard sat in silence for an unmeasured time as they both cleared their heads. Xena idly plucked some wild blueberries from a bush next to her and offered them to the shaken amazon. Gabrielle smiled as she took one, that wonderful, open smile that the warrior had been wanting to see all day. It was her first indication that things might be alright after all.

“Thanks, Xena,” Gabrielle said as she munched on the berries. “These are great.”

Xena grinned and popped a few into her own mouth, well aware of the fact that just about any food was ‘great’ to her bard. Much to her surprise the warrior found herself discussing the amazons, Ephiny and her son, the recent treaties, any light topic that would help Gabrielle to relax and think of something more cheerful than the thoughts that were obviously bothering her. Xena was pleased when Gabrielle launched into a recently revised version of an old amazon tale she had been working on.

The two of them gathered themselves together and started down the road again, with Gabrielle continuing her story and Xena leading Argo. They were only a few candlemarks from where they had planned to spend the night so even Gabrielle was content to take a less hectic pace after their eventful afternoon.

Xena started off listening intently to Gabrielle’s words, but eventually her attention began to wander in a way it hadn’t for quite a long time. She was thinking about Gabrielle pointing that sword at the bungling raider. She had clearly seen Gabrielle’s hands shaking even though the bard had obviously been about to drive the weapon through the man’s heart. Xena began to wonder if maybe keeping Gabrielle untrained in swordplay was really a bad idea. Perhaps if she knew a few simple defensive moves she would have been comfortable merely disabling the man instead of thinking that she had to kill him. Considering how often they were around the deadly weapons maybe it was dangerous to have the bard so unskilled in their use. The warrior glanced over at her partner, wondering what thoughts had been running through her head during the battle.

Gabrielle caught Xena looking at her and paused in her story. She could immediately tell that the warrior had not been paying attention. The leather-clad woman was looking off into the forest, pointedly avoiding her eye and any question about the story she might ask.

“That boring?” she asked, a now rare trace of hurt in her voice.

Xena’s heart turned to mush at the bard’s words. “I’m sorry Gabrielle. You’re right. I wasn’t paying attention. Actually I was thinking about you.”

“Oh? What about?” the warrior lacked the sultry look that signaled amorous attentions so Gabrielle was a little apprehensive about what these thoughts might be.

“I was wondering about teaching you to use a blade,” Xena was never known for her subtlety.

“What?!”

“I saw how you held the sword. You might have killed that man, Gabrielle, without even meaning to. If you knew a little more then maybe you’d feel more secure, more able to handle yourself if you lost your staff like that again.”

Gabrielle took a deep breath before answering. “Xena, I don’t want to learn how to use a sword. Really. It was a mistake for me to pick it up and I don’t plan on doing it again.” The words were the truth. She had already decided that if she was going to kill someone she was going to use her own weapon. Anything else would be too suspicious and besides, there was something wrong about using someone else’s weapon to complete a job she had agreed to.

“Are you sure, Gabrielle?” Xena asked, wondering if the bard was still just upset by what had almost happened.

“I’m sure. I think I’ll leave the sharp stuff to you, my warrior,” she replied with what she hoped was a convincing grin.

Apparently it was because Xena wrapped her arm around her shoulders and gave her a brief hug.

“Ok, if that’s what you want. If you change your mind though, the offer still holds.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Xena glanced at the setting sun and then at the road in front of them. “If we both ride we’ll get there in time for dinner. You up for it?”

“I’m always up for dinner,” Gabrielle quipped, this time giving a real smile.

Xena mounted Argo and swiftly pulled her bard up behind her before spurring the war-horse into a comfortable canter towards the town.

It was a small town with only one inn, but luckily there weren’t many other travelers around so getting a room wouldn’t be a problem. While Xena took care of Argo Gabrielle went to approach the inn keeper about a room and meal.

The inn had a tavern on the first floor and Gabrielle scanned it quickly for anyone who looked like trouble. The room was only about half-full and most of the patrons seemed to be villagers or members of a small merchant caravan. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and approached the bar.

One man was seated at the bar and he nodded at her and raised his glass in greeting. Gabrielle smiled in return, pleased that he hadn’t attempted to grope her or leer into her face. She really wasn’t in the mood for that kind of attention. The barkeeper was a skinny man of about forty, clean-shaven with a thinning head of dark brown hair. He smiled as he approached her and once again Gabrielle released a breath. She was glad this village was turning out to be friendly.

“Hello there, amazon,” he said addressing the bard. “The rest of your party is over in the corner there. They didn’t tell me anyone else was coming, but I’ll bring over another bowl of stew for you.”

Gabrielle looked where the man was pointing and saw a round table nearly hidden in the corner and three amazon warriors surrounding it. She recognized one of them as Kira, one of the women she had sparred with during her last visit. The day was definitely looking up.

“Thank you, but actually I’m not traveling with them. My partner is out stabling her horse. We were hoping to get a room for the night.”

“Oh, sorry about the mistake. I’ve got a nice room you can have for five dinars.”

Gabrielle considered dickering over the price but she really wasn’t in the mood to tell stories and that cut down on her ability to negotiate. “That’ll be fine,” she decided. “And it wasn’t really much of a mistake. I am an amazon, and you can bring that food over for me,” she said with a smile.

“No problem, I’ll be right with you.,” the man nodded and moved to go into the kitchen.

The bard looked around, wondering how much longer Xena would be. Well, no sense in waiting, she could certainly approach the amazons without Xena.

The three leather and feather bedecked women were deep in conversation and hadn’t seen Gabrielle enter, but when she started to walk towards their table Kira immediately recognized her and stood up, nudging the others to do the same.

“Queen Gabrielle,” Kira began, “we weren’t aware you were in the area.”

“Well here I am,” Gabrielle replied cheerfully. “Please sit down. And cut out the ‘queen’ stuff,” she added.

The other amazons grinned at each other, feeling blessed to be in the presence of their gentle queen.

Kira spoke up after Gabrielle had seated herself. “This is Linea and Flora,” she introduced her blonde and auburn haired companions.

Gabrielle smiled at both of them while wondering where Xena had gone. She admitted to herself that she was not feeling comfortable trying to appear happy and interested when her mind was so full of secrets.

“So are you headed to the village, Queen… I mean, Gabrielle?” Kira asked.

“Yes, Xena and I were hoping to be able to rest there for a few days. Xena’s been ill and she needs time to recover even if she doesn’t say so.”

The other warriors couldn’t help but grin. They all knew about Xena and her incredible talents. They also knew that most warriors refused to even consider the possibility that something might give them cause to take a break.

“I see you know what I’m talking about,” Gabrielle said, returning their grins with one of her own.

“I think that we can relate,” Flora offered, “being a warrior is the kind of job you don’t take sick days from.”

“Mmmm… well this is one time and one warrior who will… orders of the queen,” Gabrielle replied, her voice taking on a joking authority.

“Gabrielle,” Linea spoke for the first time, “if you’re heading to the village then we could run ahead and tell them of your visit.”

“Oh that’s not necessary,” Gabrielle said, “you know I never have gotten used to all the attention.”

“But the amazons will want to greet you properly,” Flora said. “Please let us go. We can get there in half the time it would take you.”

“That’s true,” Kira added, “We were sent to run to Athens with a message. We’re three of the fastest runners in the nation.”

Gabrielle could see that this was a matter of pride for the three women and she didn’t want to stand in their way. Besides, maybe all the attention would give her a good excuse to wander off by herself. She could say she needed to go on a retreat or something.

“Ok, I guess if you three don’t mind. You know I never pass up the chance of an amazon feast.”

“Wonderful!” Kira said with finality. “We’ll leave as soon as we finish dinner.”

“You don’t have to leave that soon!” Gabrielle exclaimed.

“I think they want to,” Xena said with a knowing grin.

Gabrielle turned to face her soulmate who had stepped through the door and instantly picked out her bard.

“You warriors always stick together,” Gabrielle resigned herself to the women’s decision to leave.

The tavern keeper appeared with Gabrielle’s meal, and, upon seeing Xena, assured her that he would return quickly with food and drink for her. Xena smiled. Sometimes looking tough had definite advantages and swift service was one of them.

Kira, Linea and Flora departed just after Xena’s food arrived. They were still glowing from contact with their queen two candle marks later.

“So did you and Argo have a nice chat?” Gabrielle asked, watching as Xena blushed ever so slightly.

“As a matter of fact we did,” she replied, taking a long drink of port from the mug provided. Actually she had discussed the last few days with the golden colored mare, trying to sort things out in her own mind. Trying to guess what might be going on in Gabrielle’s mind. Usually she would just flat-out ask, but this time… that simply didn’t seem like it would be the right thing to do.

“Hmmm… should I be jealous?” Gabrielle asked, and her stomach clenched knowing that the past couple of days had certainly given Xena ample reason to question and wonder about her.

Xena saw the anxiety in her bard’s eyes and softly laid a hand on one of her smaller ones. “Never.” She wavered for just a moment and then plunged ahead. “I know that something’s up with you, Gabrielle,” she held up a hand when the bard moved to speak. “No. You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that I’m here. I’ll try to help you anyway I can, but I’m not going to force you. I’ll always be here for you, Gabrielle. No matter what.”

The warrior expected her words to have some effect on the bard, but she wasn’t expecting the young blonde to get up and throw herself into the warrior’s embrace. Nevertheless, Xena wrapped her arms securely around her lover, offering support and comfort.

“Thank you,” Gabrielle whispered. “I’m just sorting some things through in my head. I promise I’ll be back to my old self in a few days. Really.”

She pulled back and gave Xena a somewhat watery smile which caused the tall woman to pull her close and hug her even tighter.

“You take all the time you need.”

Xena was the one to notice that they were being stared at by some of the other patrons. However, one hard look from her and they suddenly found their meals much more interesting. In another minute Gabrielle gave her one last squeeze and then sat down to finish her stew.

They spent the rest of dinner chatting about their upcoming visit to the amazons and the things that Gabrielle wanted to eat and buy there… a favorite topic. Gabrielle’s mood seemed lighter than it had in recent memory and when they went to mount the stairs to their room it was Gabrielle who took the warrior’s hand and led the way.

The room was small, but not too crowded. There was a large oak bed, flanked by small tables which each held a candle. At the foot of the bed a worn looking chest served as both storage and bench. Xena put their saddlebags inside it and sat down to remove her boots. She had only begun to unlace them when Gabrielle sank to her knees on the colorful braided rug and took over the task with loving, experienced fingers. The dark warrior smiled affectionately and leaned back, her hands braced to either side.

Her eyes went first to the window, an old habit to check how difficult it would be to access from the outside. They were on the upper floor, and the window looked out over a small courtyard. No convenient porch roofs or the like were nearby so it would have to be a very determined person who risked the climb up the wall. Moonlight, accompanied by a fitful breeze that taunted the flickering candles, shone through the open window, casting a series of delicate shadows across the bard’s features. Looking down at them, at the woman so intent on her task, Xena couldn’t help herself. She used one hand to lift the bard’s chin as the other snaked through silken hair and lowered her mouth to those sweet, tender lips she so loved to explore.

Gabrielle let loose a long sigh at the contact, her hands momentarily stilled. Then her fingers began to trace patterns on the muscular thighs in front of her as she breathed in the taste, the scent, the life of her partner. For an endless series of moments they remained fixed together in a loving embrace. Then Gabrielle felt Xena smile against her lips and she leaned back to look at her warrior’s face.

“I think maybe I’d better take care of my own boots or neither of us will ever get undressed,” the pure blue eyes seemed to laugh and Gabrielle leaned back on her heels and grinned mischievously.

“I suppose so,” she replied, letting her hands trace up over her own chest to the ties that held her top closed. It was a simple movement, but calculated to capture the warrior’s attention… which it certainly did.

Xena had to blink several times to regain her composure and when she had she gave the bard a modified version of her ‘look’ before turning her attention to her boots. Gabrielle laughed merrily.

“Gotcha!”

Once clothing was finally laid aside the two women climbed into the bed, each blowing out the candle next to them. Even without them the room was bathed in light. The moon had shifted and was clearly visible through the window.

“It looks like it’s smiling,” Gabrielle said.

“What, the rabbit?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Gabrielle glanced at her companion as if she had suddenly lost her senses.

“The rabbit in the moon,” Xena said patiently, pointing out the window.

“Xena, there’s no rabbit there. It’s a face. A happy face smiling down on us.”

Xena squinted, trying to make out a face in the moon.

“I dunno, Gabrielle. Looks like a rabbit to me… and maybe a woman dancing with it.”

Gabrielle giggled. “And they say I’m the creative one,” she said as she snuggled close to her love.

The snuggling soon turned into something more as gentle, knowing hands traced over familiar territory. Soon all thoughts of the moon were replaced by thoughts of one another, and the only conversation was a stream of low sighs and moans punctuated with words of love and devotion.

A warm weight pressed against her chest and Gabrielle opened her eyes and saw Xena’s arm draped across her body. A contented smile instantly transformed her features as she moved one of her own hands to caress the soft, tanned skin. Even in sleep Xena’s muscles reacted to her touch, trembling slightly, then relaxing as the feather-light touches continued.

The bard’s eyes slipped closed as she remembered their wonderful night. Xena had been so good to her, so perfect… as it always was between them. How could she survive without the warrior beside her? The simple answer was that she couldn’t. That knowledge, more than any other, brought her current situation into sparkling clarity.

Ever since she had spoken with Ares and agreed on his debt of blood, she had been wavering on the edge… committed to going through with her promise, but hesitating at every opportunity that presented itself. No more. A surge of protectiveness rose within her and her hand tightened on Xena’s arm. This woman was worth protecting, was worth killing for.

Her justifications that she didn’t want to kill in front of Xena were mere excuses. Yes, Xena would be upset, but she would be alive! They would be together and they would stay together. The bard still hoped that they would make it to the amazon village without any more trouble… it would certainly be best if she could honor her promise while still thwarting Ares by not causing Xena any way. However, if they did run into trouble… this time there would be no hesitation.

Xena woke easily, with none of the bleary-eyed reluctance of most people. Her eyes simply opened and she was awake. This time when she turned those startlingly clear eyes toward her partner she was struck by the steely look of resolution etched on the usually soft features. She tightened her hold around the bard’s waist and was unnaturally relieved when Gabrielle rolled over and gazed at her with love in her eyes and a smile on her face.

“Morning, sleepy,” she said. “Not that I mind! In fact I’d be happy if you decided to sleep later than me all the time.”

A chortle, hidden behind a cough, met that suggestion. “I don’t think that’s gonna happen, Gabrielle.”

“Yeah, well I can always hope.”

The day promised to be a good one, a few fluffy clouds overhead and a slight breeze from the south. Gabrielle took a deep breath as she stepped out of the inn. Yes, she was definitely feeling better.

Xena noticed the change in her partner and was more than happy to go along with it although she wondered if it was just the proverbial calm before the storm. She had been eager to be with the bard the night before, needing to feel that closeness, and she certainly didn’t regret a single moment of it. On the other hand, she contemplated the possibility that they were both covering up something that was bound to come up again.

As the day wore on though her niggling worries withered to nothing in the face of the familiar companionship of her bard. Gabrielle was her usual chatty self, telling story after story and finally pestering the warrior into a game of “who am I”.

The road began to widen as the approached the next village. They had intended on spending the night there, but they had made such good time that it was only early afternoon.

“We could cover a lot more ground if we keep on going,” Xena suggested, readying herself for the fight she knew was eminent.

“I thought we agreed that you were going to take care of yourself. That means no sleeping on the cold ground for a little while,” Gabrielle admonished.

“Well you could always keep me from lying on the ground,” Xena said with a leer in Gabrielle’s direction.

“Xena!”

“Hehheh. C’mon, Gabrielle. It’s a beautiful day and I think even these old bones can handle the night outside.”

Gabrielle wrapped a hand around one of Xena’s firm biceps. “I hope my bones are in this good of a shape when they’re old!”

“Then we agree! We can keep going and camp out,” Xena said smugly.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. “Sheesh! Oh fine. Well, you can probably catch us a better meal than we’d be able to get there anyway,” she said, remembering that the village wasn’t known for it’s food.

The two women passed through the village rather quickly. There wasn’t much of a marketplace to distract Gabrielle and Xena was more distracting with her suggestive promises and reasons to hurry on their way.

They were just on the outskirts when they heard the shouts and Gabrielle spun around to see the man who was throwing curses at the two of them. Mainly they were directed at Xena, but the bard felt her blood boil and with her earlier promise still in the forefront of her mind she reacted. She stalked towards the man, her very posture beckoning him to come to her.

At first Xena was surprised, then amused that Gabrielle felt the need to defend her honor. The man had a short sword but he was obviously not well trained. A small circle of people gathered to watch as Gabrielle easily deflected his clumsy blows. Xena felt a rush of pride at the amazon’s skill, but then it was overshadowed by the realization that Gabrielle was practically leaving herself open, begging him to give her an excuse to hit him. She watched as the woman’s staff began to land harder and harder, finally sweeping the sword from the man’s hand and reversing to smash into the side of his skull.

The blow never landed. Instead Gabrielle felt the shock up her arm of her staff being stopped mid-air. Xena had stepped forward and she glared at the man who was hastily shoving his sword back into its scabbard.

“Get lost,” the dark haired warrior hissed as she released her hold on Gabrielle’s staff. She didn’t even bother to watch him run, she just turned to her companion and indicated the road out of the village.

Gabrielle’s heart was pounding, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she followed Xena and Argo away from the crowd. After a few paces she caught up with them.

“Don’t do that again,” was all that Xena said.

“What do you mean? It’s not like you’ve never picked a fight before.”

Xena’s lips curled in a self-deprecating grin. She knew the bard was right, but somehow this had felt different… much different. “Yeah, you’re right. But I don’t lose control. I can’t afford and neither can you. Someone could get really hurt and it might not have mattered to me back a few years ago, but nowadays I don’t fancy killing people just because they insult me.”

Gabrielle sucked in a breath, Xena’s words stung but they were right. Gods! She had to get a handle on herself! First she couldn’t dream of killing someone, now she was about ready to clobber anyone who looked at her funny.

“You’re right. I’m sorry… I… I don’t know what’s going on with me,” the young woman said in a quiet voice.

Xena looked down, her affection for the woman showing in her eyes. “I know. I think we both need this break!”

That elicited a smile and then she felt a warm hand slide into hers as the two of them ambled down the road.

A few people passed them on the road out of the village but soon they took a smaller, less used path and were completely alone. The trees closed in around them, growing close to the path and arching up to form a roof above their heads. Afternoon sunlight filtered down through the leaves, glinting off Xena’s armor and Gabrielle’s hair and before long both women had to restrain themselves from touching and remind each other that they had passed the village to be able to cover more ground.

That evening every star seemed brighter and closer than it ever had. The fire crackled and spit, sending up a rich, earthy scent along with the smoke. Xena and Gabrielle lay nearby, the bard comfortably nestled into her favorite spot against the warrior’s side, with her head resting on one strong shoulder. Argo was wandering nearby, snuffling through the leaves to find tender shoots and stray patches of clover.

Xena bent her head and placed a soft kiss on Gabrielle’s forehead, then went back to idly stroking her hands through the golden hair.

“What was that for?”

“Oh nothin’. Just getting sentimental in my old age,” she joked.

“Two age jokes in one day… I hope you’re not getting a complex,” Gabrielle said.

“No… I think I’m feeling really secure actually.”

“Well that’s good. And if it matters, I don’t think you’re old. I think you’re the perfect age, and the most wonderful friend and lover I could ask for.”

“Thanks,” she replied, giving Gabrielle a squeeze.

“Goodnight Xena,” the younger woman said, just before she released a huge yawn.

Xena smiled at that. Funny how even yawns could become precious when they came from someone you loved. “Goodnight Gabrielle.”

CHAPTER FOUR

The air was crisp and cool, the nighttime chill still clinging to it persistently. Gabrielle rolled over and pulled the fur blanket tighter around her shoulders. Then she rolled back and cracked one eye open. The fire was burning with a pot of water slowly bubbling over it and Xena was nowhere to be seen. Gabrielle closed her eye, reasoning that Xena must have gone off to get something for breakfast. Lately the bard got worried every time Xena was out of sight, but she knew she was going to have to get over the irrational fear that the warrior was suddenly going to disappear.

“Wakey, wakey, bard!”

The low masculine voice right next to her ear caused Gabrielle’s snap instantly awake and she found herself staring into the dark depths of Ares’ eyes. She sat straight up, pulling the blanket up to her chin and quickly looking around to see if Xena was nearby.

“Don’t worry, Gabby. Xena’s down by the lake.”

“What are you doing here?!”

“Oh come now! Can’t a god just drop by to see how things are going?” he was crouched next to her, sitting back on his heels, and one hand reached out to grasp the edge of the blanket that covered her chest. She snatched it from him and scooted away. “Don’t worry, girl. You don’t have anything I haven’t already seen.”

Gabrielle scowled at him, wishing that he would get to the point and leave.

“I just wanted to remind you that today is day five… half-way to your deadline… haha! ‘Dead’ line, that’s a good one,” a perverse smile and chuckle accompanied his words.

“I know what day it is, Ares,” Gabrielle said, trying to sound bored and annoyed at the same time.

“Well then I guess you know that you shouldn’t be wasting time. You’ve had several good opportunities and you never know when one of them will be your last,” his voice lowered in an obvious threat.

“We have a deal. I won’t go back on it,” Gabrielle insisted, anxious for him to leave.

“That’s good. Very good. After all, Xena’s still weak, and if I was forced to give that sickness back to her I really don’t think she’d pull through this time… do you?”

As always the god of war had to have the last word, leaving the bard to remember his mocking face and final words as he vanished in a burst of light.

For a few moments Gabrielle just sat on the bedroll, staring at where the god had been and trying to quell the sudden sickness that threatened to overwhelm her. She was still sitting there when Xena returned to the campsite, a string of fish in one hand.

The bard turned to face her, an expression of relief and happiness on her face. “Xena, you’re back! I was just going to start looking for you.”

“Well now you can start cooking breakfast instead,” the warrior said with a smile as she laid the fish next to the fire. All the way back from the lake her senses had been screaming at her and now she knew why. She had seen the flash that signaled Ares’ departure and she could feel the remnants of his presence even now.

She wanted to take the bard and shake her, demand to know what was going on, insist on an explanation. But standing there, looking down at the fair head of her bard, feeling the love flow between them… she just couldn’t. She had to let Gabrielle come to her. She had told her that she wouldn’t push and she was going to stick by those words. She just hoped that Gabrielle would realize that telling her would only help… before something happened that couldn’t be erased.

“I’m just gonna fill up the waterskins while you cook,” Xena said as she gathered up the bags. She knew herself, and at that moment she needed to think.

She was out of camp before Gabrielle could reply, and took off at a slow jog towards the lake which was just down the hill in an area that was too open for making camp but close enough to be convenient.

Kneeling down at the lake’s edge she dipped a waterskin under the clear water, waiting for it to fill. Her mind was spinning with the events of the past few days… with the knowledge that somehow Ares was involved in Gabrielle’s changeable moods.

This relationship stuff was a lot more difficult than she remembered. Of course her old relationships had pretty much been limited to power alliances and the occasional roll in the hay. Now she had to redefine everything.

She knew that she loved Gabrielle…it was an undeniable fact. Her thoughts had always been centered entirely on herself, but now they were completely taken over by the young bard. She wanted to keep her safe and happy; she wanted to love her. The actual spoken words were harder for her, and she knew that sometimes Gabrielle doubted the depth of her feelings, but spoken or not her feelings were strong and unchanging.

Now here she was trying to give Gabrielle room, trying not to be overprotective and bossy and everything that the bard hated, but a good portion of her mind was telling her to take control of the situation and handle it the way she had always handled her problems…with force.

Luckily the remaining part of her mind and her entire heart were telling her something quite different. She had never doubted Gabrielle’s love, not since they had first told each other their true feelings. This knowledge assured her that whatever was going on, the bard was doing her best to deal with it in a way that wouldn’t hurt her. What Gabrielle didn’t know was that she needed to be just as careful of herself, because any pain she suffered would be felt just as much by the warrior.

Breakfast was eaten quickly, and then Xena packed up while Gabrielle washed the dishes and stowed them away in one of the outer saddlebags. The path they were traveling on connected back to a main road that would take them right to the amazon territory. Looking at the position of the sun Xena figured that they could make it to the village sometime after dark. She knew that Gabrielle wouldn’t mind a little extra walking if it meant they could reach their destination and a nice soft bed.

She was still smiling at that thought when she swung up on Argo and held a hand down to the bard.

“I think I’m going to walk for a little while,” Gabrielle said, rolling her shoulders. “I need to work some of the kinks out.”

Xena nodded and made no other comment. Gabrielle, meanwhile, was grateful to have gotten off so easily. She simply didn’t think she could stand being so close to the warrior after her conversation with Ares. The whole interaction had made her feel like she needed a bath.

It also made her wonder what in Tartarus she was doing! Here she was, walking beside the woman who had cheated death, helped Hercules, and generally solved every problem she had ever encountered, and she was afraid to tell her what was going on. Maybe Xena could find a way out of this horrible deal. Maybe she could fix everything… like she almost always did. But maybe…maybe she would tell her that there was no way out…that she didn’t want her sacrificing her innocence… that she wanted the her to just let her die. And that was something Gabrielle knew she couldn’t do.

So instead the bard walked beside Argo and Xena, caught up in her thoughts even as she longed to pull the warrior down and hold her tight and make her promise that everything would be alright.

They had been walking for about a candlemark when Xena cocked her head and her face took on that look that said she was hearing something that she didn’t want to hear.

She could hear them, a band of raiders just to the east, attacking something…she guessed it was a small farming community since she didn’t remember any village in that area. This was just exactly what they did not need. Xena was already worried about Gabrielle’s behavior, and after learning that Ares was somehow involved the last thing she wanted to do was bring the bard into a violent situation. She wanted to ignore it, just let the people handle it for themselves. A small puff of air changed her mind. It carried the sharp, acrid smell of smoke and blood. It was something she couldn’t ignore.

Gabrielle had noticed Xena’s expression and wasn’t surprised when the warrior turned to her, fighting mask firmly in place, and held and arm down to help her onto Argo.

“Raiders just on the other side of this hill,” Xena explained as they veered off the path to canter through the forest.

As they got a little closer Gabrielle could hear the shouts and screams and smell the smoke. A little farther and they broke into a clearing that seemed to have exploded into chaos. A raiding party scattered over the area. Some were running from building to building grabbing anything of worth and shoving the occupants into the open area in the middle of the clearing. Another group of men were corralling all the women and children. The farming men were trying to fight, but armed with only farm implements and simple hunting tools they were quickly being overpowered.

Xena quickly reined Argo to a halt and the two women jumped down from the saddle. Gabrielle moved to join in the battle, but was restrained by a strong hand on her shoulder. She turned and looked up into the worried blue eyes of her partner.

“Gabrielle, I know I told you I’d let you work things out for yourself, but I’m worried about the way you’ve been acting lately.”

“Xena…”

“No. Listen to me,” the warrior ordered. “I want you to avoid fighting. Go help put out the fire. Help the women and children. Let me take care of the raiders.” She lovingly traced one finger down the side of the bard’s face. “I don’t want you accidentally doing something you’ll regret.”

Gabrielle lowered her eyes, ashamed that Xena had been so affected by her recent actions even though her main objective had been to avoid hurting the warrior.

“Ok, Xena. You go do your thing.” She gave Xena a little half smile and the tall woman bent and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

“Thanks, Gabrielle.” Her smile was much larger than the bard’s and then she turned and ran out into the middle of the melee.

Gabrielle felt a familiar tingle as Xena gave her battle cry and an answering call went up from the raiders. She chuckled a little… they’d never know what hit 'em.

There were only ten homes gathered together in the area, with a path leading off to what were probably communal fields. Despite the amount of smoke filling the air, only one small outbuilding appeared to be on fire. Gabrielle snuck around the perimeter of the clearing until she was directly behind the barn she had seen the women and children herded into.

There were barrels piled against one wall and the bard nimbly climbed them to peer into a high window. There was a group of about fifteen women and twice as many children huddled in one corner of the barn. There was only one raider in there guarding them and Gabrielle knew that he would hardly be a challenge.

She waited until his back was turned… he heard another of Xena’s cries and wanted to see what was going on. As soon as his attention was away from the group of farmers the amazon bard vaulted in through the window and landed right on top of him. They both tumbled to the ground and Gabrielle was the first to rise.

The women and children had screamed in surprise when they saw the slim woman come through the window and attack their captor. Now they watched in stunned silence as she matched each of his blows with one of her own. For an instant, at the beginning of the fight, Gabrielle considered how easy it would be to snap the man’s neck. The thought was almost as instantly replaced with her promise to Xena. After a short, and to her unremarkable, fight the raider lay senseless upon the straw covered floor.

Looking at the incredulous faces of the women and the wide-eyed stares of the children, Gabrielle was thankful that she had kept her promise.

“He’ll be fine. Get something to tie him up with,” she said and the women began looking for some cord.

The bard walked to the door and cracked it open, noting with relief that there wasn’t anyone standing guard outside. While she listened to the women behind her securing the unconscious raider she allowed herself to watch her lover in action.

Xena was in the center of a group of men who seemed to be attacking in waves. She had that feral grin on her face and the air was punctuated with her gleeful laugh as she unarmed and incapacitated man after man. Gabrielle smiled at the sight, then turned her mind back to the task at hand.

“Ok everyone, we need buckets and water! Come on!” she shouted and then swung to barn door all the way open and ran towards the burning building.

It looked like it was going to be a complete loss, but she wanted to make sure that at least the surrounding structures were safe. Most of the men had left off fighting after seeing that Xena had things well in hand. Now they helped Gabrielle and their wives throw water on the thatch roofs of the houses next to the storeroom to keep any embers from lighting them on fire.

Gabrielle was only mildly distracted by the sudden rush of air as the raiders decided, en masse, that there had to be easier pickings out there somewhere and quickly mounted up and galloped out of town. She was slightly more distracted when she felt strong arms wrap around her waist.

Xena looked down into the soot and dirt coated face of her lover and then wiped a bit of smut off her nose.

“You’ve got a little spot right here,” the warrior said, and Gabrielle laughed.

“I think I’ve got a little more than that!”

The two women were interrupted by one of the farmers who came up and extended his hand to the leather-clad savior.

“We can’t thank you enough,” he said sincerely. “That’s the second time they’ve been by here and we had nothing to give them this time.”

“Well I think they’ll probably think twice before coming back here. I’m glad we could help,” she said, draping one arm across Gabrielle’s shoulders.

“Yes, yes, of course! My wife and children told me how you took out that man in the barn. They were very impressed,” he smiled at the young bard, and Gabrielle nodded.

“Like Xena said, I’m glad we could help.”

“Xena?!” a passing woman heard Gabrielle’s words and stopped in her tracks. “You’re Xena?”

The warrior lowered her gaze slightly, prepared for another in a long series of accusations. She was just glad to feel Gabrielle’s sot hand slip into hers and squeeze reassuringly.

“Yes, I’m Xena.”

“Well I never! I’ve heard all about you from my sister out towards the coast but I never thought I’d meet you! You saved her village from some rotten warlord a while back. Her kids still haven’t quit playing ‘Xena and the bad guys’!” the woman laughed.

Gabrielle’s face broke into a wide grin at the thought of her lover being imitated by a bunch of little kids. Xena couldn’t keep the smile off her face either.

“I’m sure I don’t deserve to be emulated like that, but thank you for telling me.”

The woman patted the man on the back and started on her way again. “You invite them to supper, Jax.”

The man opened his mouth to do just that, but Xena forestalled him.

“We’d love to stay, really, but we’re kind of in a hurry so I think we’ll have to pass.”

Jax nodded in understanding. “Very well, but you just remember us if you need anything. We owe you one.”

“Thank you,” Gabrielle said as Xena whistled for Argo. “We’ll keep that in mind.

Another few heartbeats later both women were seated securely atop the strong war-horse, headed back into the forest.

CHAPTER FIVE

By the time the duo reached their path again the sun had moved past its zenith.

“I guess we won’t be making it to the village tonight,” Gabrielle stated.

“Nope. Doesn’t look like it. Sorry about that Gabrielle.”

“Not your fault. You can’t help it that you’re just a big softie when it comes to people in distress.” She giggled a little and then shifted in the saddle when Xena reached back a hand to tickle her.

While they were riding Gabrielle was thinking about what Xena had told her just before they went to help the farmers. She was thinking about how, despite all her attempts to the contrary, Xena was still being hurt by her actions. A deep ache settled in her chest as she remembered times early in their relationship when Xena had kept things from her.

She remembered how hurt she had felt. She had often felt that the warrior didn’t trust her and didn’t really want her around. She tightened her hold around Xena’s waist, knowing that the warrior probably felt close to the same way right now. She needed to tell her what had happened. When they stopped for the night she would explain everything; her desperation, her fear, the deal she had made, and the way it had made her react to things ever since.

With that decision Gabrielle felt an enormous weight lift from her. It was as though she had been trapped in a pitch dark labyrinth and now she could see a bit of light and smell the clean fresh air. She smiled against Xena’s back and closed her eyes while the warrior placed one hand over both of hers, a silent promise to keep her from falling.

Xena kept Argo moving at a comfortable walk. She didn’t see any reason to rush now that they knew they weren’t going to make it to the village until the next day. Besides, she could feel Gabrielle beginning to doze and the thought of the bard, so trusting and so comfortable against her back made her want to protect and cherish and look after the small woman in every way possible.

Gabrielle didn’t actually sleep, but she did relax and give herself over to the wonderful warmth that being near Xena always gave her. When she finally did feel Argo stop she let out a tiny whimper, not wanting the moment to end. She blinked a few times and released her hold on Xena, then stretched her neck and looked around.

“Does it meet up with your high standards, my bard?” Xena asked with a smile.

“Hmmm… I believe that it will do,” Gabrielle said, then let a small laugh bubble up.

The dark warrior slid out of the saddle and then reached up to help her bard down.

“Why don’t you go find some wood and I’ll unload Argo? Then I’ll go off and see if I can catch us some dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan. If I get back before you I’ll start a fire and get some tea going,” Gabrielle agreed.

“Ah. Tea. That’ll go down just right. I picked a little bit of mint yesterday too. It’s in a little pouch in my healer’s kit. You can pop some of that in with the tea leaves.”

“Oooh yeah. Now you’re talking,” a full smile graced the bard’s face at the thought of her favorite tea flavoring.

She grabbed her staff from its place on Argo’s saddle and then tramped off into the woods humming a little tune the warrior had taught her. Xena smiled indulgently and whispered in Argo’s ear.

“She’s kinda cute, isn’t she?”

Gradually the humming became softer and softer. Xena lifted the heavy saddle off her horse and set it over a fallen tree limb. The bridle followed, and Argo shook her head and immediately brushed her face against Xena’s chest.

“Alright! I get it! You’re a little itchy, eh?” It didn’t take long for her to grab Argo’s brush and give her a good grooming before pouring a small portion of oats into a shallow pan.

“Plenty of grass around here for you, girl. Don’t wanna waste the food when we don’t have to, right?” she said.

Argo snuffled in semi-agreement and Xena rolled her eyes a little and dug an apple out of the saddlebags.

“Just don’t let Gabrielle know. She already thinks I spoil you,” the warrior said, scratching that hard to reach spot behind Argo’s ears.

Gabrielle didn’t know she had wandered so far from camp until she turned around to head back. Despite being in the middle of the woods there weren’t many good branches to be found. Most of those already on the ground were beginning to rot, and she knew that taking a green branch from a living tree wouldn’t be much better. Then a huge dead tree had loomed in the distance and she had insisted that it was going to provide their firewood.

Now, loaded down with branches and her staff she began to make her way back. The sun had just set over the horizon, but slender tendrils of light continued to snake out and illuminate the sky, turning the clouds pink and orange and violet. Gabrielle knew that Xena would worry if she didn’t get back soon, so she picked up the pace while still trying to make as little noise as possible, just like she had been taught.

She first felt that something was wrong when she heard a sharp snap behind her. She turned her head, but there was nothing there. She normally would have assumed it was some little animal, but there was none of the leaf shuffling that always seemed to accompany rabbits and squirrels. The bard resumed her walk, then froze as she heard a voice inside her head.

“This could be your last chance, blondie!” Ares’ voice was distinctive and powerful filling her senses.

Walking slowly forward she listened again and heard another, softer sound, this time closer. Her body told her to wait… wait… sensing the person sneaking up behind her. She knew that it wasn’t Xena, she could always tell when she was near.

Her mind, encouraged by Ares and her own desire to be rid of her gods damned debt worked to explain the situation. Ordinary, normal people didn’t sneak. They called out and announced their presence. No. This person was definitely trying to trap her. This person would kill her if given half a chance. She had to defend herself. There was nothing wrong with that. She could explain to Xena afterwards, but now she had to defend herself.

She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck raise. The person was closer, no longer off to the side but almost directly behind her. Once she passed the next tree he would jump out and attack her. She kept to her slow pace and then, just as she passed the tree, she dropped her load of wood and thrust her staff backwards.

There was a satisfying thud as it hit her tracker’s midsection. Gabrielle yanked it back and spun around, swinging the staff in a vicious arc towards the person’s head.

She didn’t have time to think. Didn’t have time for her mind to register the blonde curls, the startled eyes staring at her. It was as if she was watching herself move in slow motion as her staff connected and the woman she was attacking let out a cry before falling to the forest floor.

Gabrielle’s own eyes widened in shock as she saw what she had done. Her staff slipped from her grasp and she threw herself down beside her friend, the amazon regent, Ephiny.

“Gods, no! NO!! Oh please! Ephiny, wake up! Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you. Please Ephiny. Please!” Gabrielle begged, pillowing the blonde head in her lap and stroking the pale face.

A slow trickle of blood began to trickle down Ephiny’s face and Gabrielle knew she had to find her partner. She gently laid the amazon’s head back on the ground and took off at a run towards camp.

Gabrielle ran faster than she believed she could, calling out Xena’s name all the while. She was just over half way back to the campsite when she practically barreled into the muscled form of her partner. She felt the strong hands grip her upper arms as blue eyes searched her for injuries.

“Xena! Thank the gods! Come on! Come on!” The agitated bard took Xena’s hand and tugged her back the way she had come.

“Hold on, Gabrielle. What’s wrong?” by the look on her lover’s face she could tell that it was something very bad.

“It’s not me!” Gabrielle cried. “It’s Eph- Ephiny! Xena, I didn’t know - I didn’t mean to -”

“What? What happened?”

“Xena I swear I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was her. I didn’t mean to hurt her!”

Xena didn’t wait for the bard to finish, she started running, following Gabrielle’s easy to read trail.

“Oh gods,” she kept repeating under her breath. She didn’t know what she’d do if Gabrielle had actually killed the regent. She didn’t know what either of them would do.

She spotted Ephiny, sprawled on the ground and approached cautiously. She didn’t want to startle the warrior if she was semi- conscious.

“Ephiny. It’s Xena. I’m gonna fix you up. You just hold on,” she spoke in a low, soothing voice as she knelt down beside the woman and began examining the large bump on the side of her head.

She heard Gabrielle arrive, out of breath and still crying, but didn’t turn around.

“She’ll be alright. You’ll take care of her. Right?” Gabrielle said, oblivious to how similar those words were to the ones she had spoken to Xena’s healer less than a quarter-moon ago.

“It’s a bad hit,” Xena replied. She didn’t want to hurt her sensitive partner, but a wave of anger was rushing just below the surface and she couldn’t keep a tinge of it out of her voice.

“Xena…” Gabrielle’s voice cracked.

“What were you thinking, Gabrielle?” Xena wasn’t shouting but her words rang in the bard’s ears. “Didn’t I just tell you to be careful of what you were doing? I warned you!” Xena’s words were every bit as emotional as Gabrielle’s.

“I know… I just…” Gabrielle faltered, feeling her eyes well up again.

Xena let out a long breath and gathered Ephiny into her arms.

“We’ll have to talk about it later. Right now we need to concentrate on Ephiny.”

Gabrielle nodded and wiped her forearm across her face, brushing tears away as she took a few deep breaths herself.

“I’ll run back and start the fire,” she volunteered and when the warrior made no objection she set off, wondering how she was ever going to explain this to her or to Ephiny.

Xena’s progress was hampered by her delicate burden and when she got back to the camp Gabrielle had a fire going, water boiling, bedrolls laid out, and the healer’s kit opened beside them. The warrior lowered Ephiny to the bedding as though she were a small child, and then poked through her herb pouches until she found the one she wanted.

A few pinches from it joined a small amount of another crushed herb and then she mixed it into a cup of steaming water. Gabrielle sat on the ground nearby, afraid to get too close or to interrupt. The cloudy mixture was obviously bitter, for even in her unconscious state Ephiny scrunched her face into a grimace. Xena was very patient, slowly dribbling the liquid into the regent’s mouth and stroking her throat to encourage her swallowing reflex.

Gabrielle watched the firelight dance off the bodies of her lover and her closest friend. She still couldn’t believe it had come to this. What kind of person was she to let it get this far? She had allowed herself to slip into a state she always warned Xena about. She had lost herself in her quest.

Xena wet several clean rags with the cool water from one of their waterskins and washed out the small flesh wound caused by Gabrielle’s staff. She placed a few more of the cool cloths on the regent’s forehead to try to stop the swelling. Ephiny would have one Tartarus of a headache, but she would live. To Xena, who read injuries as easily as she read a map, it was evident that Gabrielle had pulled her blow at the last second. Xena reflected that even if the bard had struck with full force the placement was such that it wouldn’t have been fatal. The warrior was able to shake her head in wonderment at that… her bard still didn’t have it in her to kill someone, even when that was obviously her goal.

Ephiny seemed to be resting peacefully and Xena decided to allow her to remain that way. She would try to wake her in another candle mark or so if she still hadn’t regained her senses. She tucked a blanket around the strong, slim shoulders and gave her a little pat, then turned to the desolate bard.

Gabrielle’s eyes were shining, but no more tears fell. She was staring at Ephiny as if it was the first time she had ever seen her. When Xena looked at her, she moved her gaze to meet the warrior’s, expression pleading and hopeful.

“She’ll be fine, Gabrielle. Not too comfortable for a little while, but nothing to worry about.” Xena regretted her earlier snappish words. Looking at Gabrielle she knew that this was hurting her more than anyone.

“Nothing to worry about,” a nervous, almost manic laugh followed her words. “Yeah, I almost killed one of my best friends… but no need to worry.”

Gabrielle’s voice had risen and Xena could see the beginnings of hysteria creeping over her. In two short strides she was beside the smaller woman and scooping her into her arms. The instant their skin touched Gabrielle began sobbing, unable to hold anything in. Xena sat down next to the fire, still holding her bard and rocking her gently. They made an odd tableau there, one woman lying senseless, another weeping as if her soul had been shattered, and the third, trying to hold herself together in the face of an emotional confusion she had rarely allowed herself.

Sometime later Gabrielle’s sobs lessened and then stopped completely. Xena kept her arms wrapped around the body of her lover, waiting for whatever Gabrielle would say.

“I’m sorry for the way I talked to you before,” Xena finally said, her words impossibly loud in her ears.

“You were right.”

“No. It was an accident. We both know that and I’m sure Ephiny will agree.”

“Xena, I never wanted anything like this to happen. I thought I could take care of it. I thought I could take care of you.” The bard’s words were slightly muffled and she shifted in the warrior’s embrace until her cheek rested against the other woman’s breast, and her right arm wrapped around her back.

“What do you mean, Gabrielle?” Xena took a deep breath, wondering if she should tell what little she knew. “I know that Ares is involved somehow. I know he was with you this morning.”

Gabrielle’s eyes opened wide and she looked up into Xena’s eyes, shocked that the woman hadn’t said anything earlier. She was instantly ashamed. Xena had been waiting for her to say something. All day long the warrior must have tortured herself with thoughts of what might be going on.

“I… You’re right. He is. I’m so sorry you found out that way. I had decided to tell you tonight… really! I was going to tell you everything.”

Xena stroked her hair soothingly. “Why don’t you tell me now.”

Gabrielle took a deep breath. “It started back when you got sick. Xena… you were dying. The healer said so, and I… I could feel it myself. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t lose you again. It just wasn’t fair! We hadn’t had enough time! I went to Ares’ temple. It was the only thing I could think of to do. He owed you, Xena, and anyway, you know he’s always had a thing for you. I thought he’d be eager to help.”

Xena held tight, but her voice was low and cold. “The last thing I want is his help.”

“I know. I know!” Gabrielle cried.

“Shhh… it’s alright. If it had been you… I probably would have done the same thing. I know I would have.” Xena knew that she would condemn herself to ten lifetimes of torture if it would help her soulmate. How could she deride the fact that her lover felt the same.

“He… he wasn’t as eager as I thought he’d be.”

“He never is,” Xena said with a heavy edge of sarcasm.

“He made me a deal. He would make you well and then I would have ten days to do what he asked,” Gabrielle’s voice trailed off in the last words, and Xena didn’t have to ask what had been asked.

“He wanted you to kill someone.”

Gabrielle nodded. “He said it could be anyone… someone who was attacking us… a bad guy… I thought I could do it. I kept trying to forget about what I was feeling and just do it.”

“Not that easy to do.”

“No,” Gabrielle agreed.

“So what happened this morning?”

“He was just warning me that the time was half-way up. He made it sound like he was sending these people to me to kill and when every time I didn’t I was losing a chance to complete the deal. He said I might not have many chances left.”

“That’s why you attacked Ephiny.”

“Xena, I didn’t know it was her. I swear it! I heard someone behind me and then I heard Ares voice…I thought it might be my last chance. I couldn’t risk it… I couldn’t risk losing you.”

Gabrielle’s eyes had filled with tears and Xena kissed the top of her head.

“That bastard.”

“Thank the gods Ephiny will be alright, but what difference does that make to me? I’ve become what I always said I’d never be. I could have killed… if it hadn’t been Ephiny I probably would have,” the bard’s words were hollow sounding, devoid of the life and feeling that so defined the amazon queen.

“No, Gabrielle. You wouldn’t have,” Xena said, shaking her head and lifting the bard’s chin ‘til they were looking in each other’s eyes. “That blow wouldn’t have killed Ephiny even if you’d put all your power behind it. It was too low. You thought she was someone else…probably a man… a raider. In that case the blow would have landed even lower. You may have convinced your mind to kill, but you couldn’t convince your heart. I don’t think you ever could. Not with premeditation. Not with intent.”

“You really think that’s true, Xena?”

“Do I ever say things I don’t believe?”

Gabrielle shook her head, then relaxed again in her warrior’s embrace. A moment later she tensed, and looked up with terror in her eyes.

“What are we going to do about Ares? He said he’d make you sick again. I know you think you’re recovered, but you’re not. If he gives you that sickness again…you’ll die.”

“Gabrielle, we will think of something. Together. I’m not going to leave you. That’s a promise, and Ares is certainly not going to make me break it.”

CHAPTER SIX

The two women were quiet for a time, alternately watching the fire, Ephiny and each other. The darkness closed in around the campsite and the flickering fire cast eerie shadows in the clearing. Nearby Argo snuffled through the undergrowth, picking out tasty things to eat. She seemed to be the only one unconcerned with the situation.

“What are we going to do?” Gabrielle asked once more, her voice small and plaintive as she stared into the fire.

“Why don’t you let me think about it for a little while? I think you’ve been occupied with nothing else for the past five days.”

The bard nodded, hearing the truth in that statement. Even when she had pushed down those thoughts, even when she had tried to talk and act normally, they had been present, just below the surface.

“I could just keep my end of the bargain. Maybe there’s even someone waiting execution in the amazon village. Or we could go to some really dangerous place.” Gabrielle’s eyebrows scrunched together as she went over the various possibilities.

“Gabrielle, since you became queen, the death penalty has pretty much been eliminated. And we’re not going someplace just to put you in a life or death situation,” Xena said in a straightforward, argument ending tone.

“But…”

“Listen to me, my bard. Ares made that deal because he knew it would hurt both of us… and it would. I don’t know what… I don’t want you buying my life with your innocence. It’s not worth it.”

“To me it is.”

Xena rested her chin atop Gabrielle’s head. “I know it is. And we’ll think of something. I’m not all that anxious to leave you just as things are going well.”

Gabrielle could almost feel the smile that she knew to be flitting across her partner’s face.

A slight rustling and a low groan alerted Xena and Gabrielle to Ephiny’s impending wakefulness. The bard scrambled out of her lover’s embrace and the two of them moved to the regent’s side.

“Ephiny?” Gabrielle whispered, carefully brushing an errant curl off of the pale forehead bathed in a mix of shadows and firelight.

“Give her time Gabrielle,” Xena leaned over to feel the pulse point on Ephiny’s neck and then held one hand against her cheek. She was pleased to find it cool and dry.

“No fever,” Gabrielle announced, judging Xena’s expression.

“Nope. If we get lucky she might even be fit to travel tomorrow afternoon and we’ll be able to get to the village by nighttime.”

Gabrielle continued to run gentle fingers through Ephiny’s disheveled locks. Her gaze was fixed on the dark eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly against high cheekbones. She only half- turned to her partner when she felt a strong hand on her thigh.

“You should try to get some sleep.”

“No,” Gabrielle spoke with finality.

“Gabrielle, I’ll watch her. You can lie right here and use my lap as a pillow. You always say I make a great pillow.” The warrior attempted to entice her lover with a crooked smile and a light wheedling tone.

“I’m not tired,” Gabrielle replied. “You go on and go to sleep yourself. I heard that cough of yours this afternoon.”

Xena’s mouth quirked into an exasperated grin. “Gabrielle, we were in a fight, surrounded by smoke today.”

“Yeah, well I know the difference between a smoke cough and a sick cough. I heard a sick cough.” Green eyes looked to meet blue and dare the warrior to disagree.

Xena let out a defeated sight. If anyone could tell the difference in her coughs it was the stubborn woman kneeling beside her. And although she wasn’t about to admit it, the woman was right. Her throat had been tickling and annoying her all day.

Gabrielle had turned her attention back to Ephiny, but spoke to her lover. “So, you going to sleep or what?”

“Yes mom,” Xena grumbled, unfolding her long frame and moving to the other side of the fire where the bard had spread out her bedroll.

Usually they slept with the two bedrolls pressed close together, or didn’t even bother with a second one. Sleeping so far from her bard, though it was really only a few paces, was going to be a bit disconcerting.

Xena rolled over a few times, trying to get comfortable. She was slightly disgusted with how completely addicted she was to a certain fair haired amazon queen. She smiled though, knowing that she wouldn’t want it any other way.

Gabrielle watched as Xena settled herself down to sleep. One question was answered: apparently the warrior had as much difficulty sleeping apart as she did. A sad smile crossed her face. How in the names of all the gods was she going to fix things?

The night sounds seemed to close in around the bard, making her feel claustrophobic even in the middle of the forest. She tilted her head back and concentrated on the stars and the steady breathing of her soulmate. The combination never failed to calm her.

She kept watch as the moon slowly tracked across the sky. Gradually it sank towards the tree line and when it was just kissing the edge Gabrielle became aware of a slight change in Ephiny’s breathing. She hastened to place her ear against the regent’s chest and was rewarded with a strong heartbeat and steady, regular breathing.

“Ephiny?” she whispered, feeling a jolt of relief pass through her body when she saw the fine facial muscles twitching as the amazon struggled to wake.

Eyes squeezed shut even tighter, and then eased open slowly, their owner trying to piece together her location and companions. “Ga… Gab…”

“I’m here Ephiny,” that woman replied, gently cupping the regent’s face and looking down into her eyes. “You’re going to be fine. Xena took care of you. You’re going to be fine.”

Gabrielle eased the amazon into a slightly upright position, bolstered up by rolled blankets and a saddlebag. Even in her only semi-lucid state Ephiny saw the tears and heard the quivering in her queen’s voice. She feebly reached out one hand to clasp a smaller by strong one in a comforting grip.

“Oh Ephiny!”

“Hey,” she rasped out, “No tears. Ya got me fair and square.”

The unexpected comment caught Gabrielle in mid-sob and she could only release the pent up emotion in one other way… she laughed aloud, and then quickly covered her mouth to keep from waking Xena.

“I’m so sorry, Ephiny. I never meant to hurt you,” the amazon queen said seriously.

“I’m sure you didn’t. It was just a bit of a surprise. Guess you’ve picked up a few things from your friend!”

Gabrielle lifted a waterskin to Ephiny’s lips and helped her drink. The amazon was grateful for the cool liquid flowing down her parched throat.

“Yeah, I guess so,” the bard said in reply to Ephiny’s declaration. “A lot’s been going on.”

The older amazon saw the uncharacteristic worry in her friend’s eyes and the tiny wrinkles that showed she hadn’t been getting much rest. As she let her head fall back onto the blankets she caught the bard’s eye.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked.

Gabrielle shook her head and tucked the covers around the regent’s shoulders. “You’ll be hearing about it I know, but I just don’t think I can talk about it right now.”

Ephiny nodded slightly. She knew that sometimes it was hard to even think about the difficulties in life much less talk about them. After Phantes’ death she herself had avoided even mentioning his name for almost two moons. Finally she had been able to express her thoughts and feelings after she had sorted them out in her own mind.

“You should go back to sleep, Ephiny. There’s still some time before dawn.”

“Only if you lie down too. You know I’m ok now so there’s no reason to stay up watching me sleep.”

“You’re right,” Gabrielle agreed, mainly to placate Ephiny, but also because she so welcomed the idea of curling next to her lover and losing herself there.

“'Course I am. That’s why you leave me in charge.” Ephiny’s eyes had slipped closed, but the corners of her mouth turned up slightly.

Gabrielle watched her for a few moments longer, then laid a light kiss on her cheek and crossed to where Xena lay sleeping. The warrior had automatically left room for her on the bed roll and she quickly nestled down into her favorite spot, her head resting on Xena’s shoulder.

Sleep was slow in coming to her, but it did creep up, stealing away her consciousness if only for a time. She didn’t see the blue eyes open and gaze down at the top of her head. She didn’t feel the barest of kisses which touched her hair. She only snuggled closer when strong arms encompassed her as her partner drifted back to sleep.

Contrary to her usual behavior, Gabrielle woke up before her partner. In fact the sun was only the slightest glimmer of light in the distance when she opened her eyes.

She and Xena had shifted in their sleep and lay spooned together. Xena no longer held her in such a close embrace, but one strong arm was draped over her waist. The bard was surprised that Xena hadn’t woken with her. Usually the slightest change was enough to rouse her. The young amazon was grateful for the switch however. It would make things much easier for her.

With exquisite care and almost painful slowness the amazon queen eased her way out from under Xena’s arm. Once free of her lover she stood and surveyed the campsite. The final embers of the fire glowed dimly in the pre-dawn light. Ephiny appeared to be sleeping peacefully and even Argo was drowsing beneath the sheltering branches of a large tree.

Her bag was on the ground beside Argo’s saddle and she picked it up as she looked once more at the sleeping warrior princess. A heartbeat later and she had moved silently into the forest.

It didn’t take Gabrielle long to reach her destination. The spot in the woods where she had struck Ephiny was marked by trampled vegetation and the small dark spot on the earth that was the regent’s blood. The air was cold, and wind tangled through her hair. She rubbed her hands together to warm them up. She had forgotten how cold nights could get. She was used to spending them snuggled next to a certain tall, dark, warrior.

Kneeling down on the ground she shrugged the bag off her shoulder and put it down in front of herself. She couldn’t see very well in the grey light offered up by the sinking moon and the not yet risen sun, but she was able to feel around in the soft leather pouch and find the item she was looking for. She pulled it out of the bag and held it for a moment without doing anything else. She felt the weight in her hand and watched as what little light there was glinted off the sharp blade. She was almost tempted to laugh at the thought that she kept her cooking knives almost as sharp as Xena kept her sword.

She hated the idea that Xena was sure to be the one to find her. That was the main drawback to her plan. Well, that and the fact that she knew even Elysium would be a torment for her until her warrior joined her there. At the same time she fervently hoped that Xena would keep her promise and that she would live a long life doing good for the people who were beginning to revere rather than fear her. Xena’s life had such meaning, such purpose. She couldn’t let it end.

Slowly the bard turned the knife in her hand and pressed the tip under the thin material of her top. She had it positioned just below her left breast, angled up to slide between her ribs and into her heart. She pressed just a little harder and couldn’t suppress a wince as the knife bit into her skin, drawing blood. Her hands tensed around the handle as she prepared to plunge the knife all the way into her chest.

“Uh, uh, uh-h,” the sound of Ares’ voice startled Gabrielle so much that the knife slipped, slicing a small gash as it went. “This isn’t part of the deal, blondie.”

Gabrielle’s head snapped up, her eyes filled with both anger and tears.

"You said a life! You said it didn’t matter who!’

“Yeah, well then call me picky, I didn’t think you’d chose yourself. Oh no. If Xena’s gonna live than you’re gonna live too. I’m dying to see how the two of you will work your way through this one.”

“Damn you Ares!” Gabrielle spat, her boldness in the face of the God of War seemed to surprise even him.

“Heh. You are the little wild cat, aren’t you? Maybe I should have chosen you as my champion to begin with.”

“Trust me, you wouldn’t have had any more luck with me than you had with her,” Gabrielle sneered.

“Maybe… maybe not. Oh, and just to remind you… you’ve got four days left.”

The bard was about to throw another verbal barb his way but settled for stomping her foot as he disappeared in that annoying way of his.

Xena was drifting slowly towards wakefulness, senses gradually reaching out and connecting with the world once again. Then, in the span of one breath, the warrior was sitting upright, eyes scanning the campsite. Gabrielle was gone. The sudden pounding in her heart, along with her first, second and third instincts, urged her to dash into the forest, searching for her bard. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and squelched those innate impulses. Running after Gabrielle wouldn’t accomplish anything. There was no way to know how long the young woman had been gone, and there was Ephiny to consider as well. Xena simply had to trust that her love would return.

“Xena?” a mere whisper from the regent’s lips brought the warrior to her side.

“Hey, Ephiny,” she said. “Good to see you awake. How are you feeling?”

Xena moved cool fingers over Ephiny’s forehead and then around to the bump near her left temple.

“Bit of a headache,” Ephiny replied with a wry grin.

“Mmm. I guessed as much. I’ll fix you something for that. Doesn’t taste great, but it should do the job,” Xena said as she pulled her medicine pouch onto her lap. “Gabrielle’s very sorry for what happened,” she continued softly.

“I know. She apologized last night.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. I told her it wasn’t her fault. Really, it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have been sneaking up on her. The amazons you met up with gave us your message and I figured I’d meet you out here. When I saw Gabrielle with her arms full of firewood I just couldn’t resist. Never expected her to react so fast!” A self-deprecating smile crossed the regent’s features. “Guess I should have realized she learned from the best.”

Xena tilted her head slightly in acknowledgment, then gave a low, bitter sounding chuckle. “It’s not just that, Eph. Gabrielle’s been under a lot of stress lately… it’s made her a bit attack-happy.”

“I heard that she wasn’t quite herself. What’s happened?” She looked around the campsite. “And where is she now?”

Xena let her gaze follow Ephiny’s. “She was gone when I woke up.” Her voice was distant and small.

Ephiny looked up into Xena’s eyes. “Xena, what is going on here?”

A rustling of leaves diverted both warriors’ attention and they let out a collective sigh of relief when Gabrielle appeared through the trees. Xena sprang up from her position beside the regent and moved quickly to her lover’s side.

“Where have you been?” she said lowly, trying to rein in her spinning emotions.

“I… I just went for a walk. Needed to clear my head,” Gabrielle replied, not meeting Xena’s gaze.

The tall warrior placed her hands on Gabrielle’s shoulders and then bent to look her in the eye. “Doesn’t look like that happened on any walk,” she said, her eyes moving pointedly to the dark stain on the bard’s top.

It took every shred of control not to rip off that material and examine the damage that had obviously been done. She fought to keep herself from sweeping the bard into her arms and never letting her out of her sight again.

Gabrielle knew what Xena was referring to. She had hoped that the warrior who never missed anything would somehow miss that, but it had been a futile hope, and now, confronted with what she had almost done, she felt herself crumbling.

“He… he wouldn’t take me!” she cried, and fell into her lover’s arms, trusting them to catch her.

Reflexively Xena tightened her grip around the smaller woman and held her close. The cold truth of what she had nearly lost hit her as a physical blow.

“Oh, gods! Gabrielle, you didn’t… how could you? I don’t want that. I would never want that,” she murmured brokenly into Gabrielle’s soft, golden hair.

“I had to. I couldn’t lose you. I couldn’t.”

Xena pulled back to arm’s length and stared at her lover.

“And you think I could? Hear me, and don’t ever forget: if you leave this world for the next, I will only be a heartbeat behind you. Do you understand? I would rather spend eternity watching you from across the flames of Tartarus than spend one day here without you.” Xena was almost shaking, her voice trembling as she spoke.

Gabrielle, staring into those pure blue eyes, read truth there, and so much more.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and found herself again held in a tight hug.

After a short time, they both managed to reconstruct some semblance of control and moved, arm in arm, back to the fire. Ephiny was staring at both of them in shock, not understanding the meaning behind any of what she had just seen.

“Sorry Eph,” Gabrielle said, laughing weakly, “guess you’re a little out of the loop.”

“You could say that,” Ephiny said with a touch of sarcasm.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll understand more than you want to before this is all over,” Xena said as she set a pot of water on the fire and reached once more for her medical supplies.

“No doubt,” Ephiny replied, eyes widening as she noticed the blood on Gabrielle’s clothes.

“I’m afraid your tea will have to wait for a bit, Eph,” Xena said as she untied Gabrielle’s top. “I have a bit of bard to stitch up.”

Xena was attempting to keep her tone light, but her heart was in her throat as she parted the thin material and saw the cut, still oozing blood, beneath Gabrielle’s breast. Ephiny and Gabrielle both chose that moment to look away, Ephiny out of respect for Gabrielle’s modesty, and Gabrielle out of dislike of the sight of her own blood.

It was a clean cut and not as large as it first appeared. Before long Xena had placed two stitches to close it and cleaned it with some of the strong alcohol she carried for that purpose. Gabrielle changed into a pale blue cropped shirt that she rarely wore and buried the stained green one at the bottom of her bag.

“Now, Ephiny, I think I promised you something for your head.”

Ephiny, though not particularly patient by nature, knew well enough to hold her tongue despite her extreme desire to throttle both warrior and bard until they confessed what was going on. Instead, with her head feeling somewhat like an overfilled waterskin, she took the offered medicine, leaned back against her make-shift pillows and drifted back to sleep.

When she woke a short time later she was feeling much more herself. The headache had subsided to a dull throbbing pain and she was able to concentrate on something else, specifically her companions.

“Alright, does someone want to tell me what in Tartarus is going on?” she exclaimed, startling Xena and Gabrielle who were beside Argo, talking quietly.

Xena was the first to speak, placing a soothing hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder as she did so. “Long story short, I was sick, Gabrielle made a deal with a god in order to heal me, and now she’s supposed to kill someone or I’ll get sick again.”

Ephiny rolled her eyes at Xena’s blunt explanation. “Oh, is that all,” she said sarcastically.

Gabrielle stepped around the fire and knelt down beside the regent. “That’s kinda why I hit you. I thought you were a bad guy, and my last chance to fulfill the bargain. I’m really sorry, Ephiny.”

Ephiny’s deep brown eyes softened as she looked at the apologetic bard. “It’s ok, Gabrielle. I already told you that.” She turned slightly and included Xena in her next question. “So what’s the plan now? And just which god are we talking about?”

“Ares,” Xena replied, noting the way Ephiny’s eyes widened, “and the plan is that you and Gabrielle head towards the village while I go check on something.”

Gabrielle was instantly on her feet and striding towards her partner.

“That is NOT the plan, Xena. You are not going off on your own and that’s final!”

Obviously the two of them had already discussed this course of action.

“Gabrielle,” Xena’s voice held a note of warning.

“Don’t try pulling that with me! I know you. You’ll go off and confront Ares yourself, try to beat him or trick him or something. Well I won’t let you. I won’t let you put yourself in danger. Not this time.”

Ephiny allowed a slight grin to crease the corners of her mouth. It was always interesting to see the young queen in action.

“Gabrielle, you have my word that I will not confront Ares. I just happen to know someone nearby who might be able to help us. That’s all. I’ll talk to her and then I’ll catch up with you and Ephiny.”

“Is that a promise?” Gabrielle asked, head cocked, eyes narrowed and ready for a challenge.

“It’s a promise.”

Gabrielle let out her breath in a huff and then turned back to Ephiny.

“Well I guess that’s the plan,” she said with finality.

Xena stepped up behind her and kissed her on the top of the head. “Thanks Gabrielle. I’ll get going right now and if you and Ephiny set off before midday I should be able to catch up by nightfall.”

Gabrielle nodded and squeezed the hand that had snaked around her waist. She didn’t dare turn around for fear that she’d never let the warrior out of her embrace. Xena seemed to understand. She placed another kiss on her head and then moved to Argo who was already saddled and ready to go.

“I’ll see you both tonight.”

Xena swung up into the saddle and in a rustling of leaves and grass she was gone.

CHAPTER SEVEN

After Xena left Gabrielle and Ephiny, the regent used most of her not inconsiderable “people skills” to keep the young queen from brooding. She was also, through much wheedling, able to convince Gabrielle to tell her the long version of what was going on.

“Y’know, Gabrielle,” she commented, “generally life and death matters regarding the queen of the Amazons are matters that I should be made aware of.” Her words were serious but she spoke with a tone of playful nagging to take some of the sting out.

“I know. I know. I should have sent word or something. I just didn’t know what to do. All I could think of was saving Xena, and then all I could think of was protecting her from what I had to do.”

Ephiny paused in her walking and turned to look at the bard. “Do you really think you’ll be able to do it? Take a life?” Her voice held sympathy and a greater knowledge of what such an act would entail.

“I… I’ll have to… if it comes to that. Xena told me not to think about it right now. You know her; she’s always got some idea floating around in that head of hers.”

“Well she’s certainly helped me enough to know better than to count her out. Where do you think she really went?”

“I’m not sure. I just hope she keeps her word and comes back to me in one piece.”

“Gabrielle, I’d think you’d know by now that keeping her promises to you, making you safe and happy, are the most important things in Xena’s life. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a warrior love so much and be so willing to show that love.”

Gabrielle colored slightly and glanced off down the road. “I know,” she said with a smile. “Why d’you think I made the deal with Ares in the first place?”

Xena pressed Argo into a gallop as soon as they cleared the forest and broke into a wide meadow. The clean spring air rushed past, tangling her long hair and filling her lungs. If the mission hadn’t been so serious she would have been thoroughly enjoying herself.

In her mind’s eye she could still see Gabrielle with the tears in her eyes, despairing because Ares would not accept her life as payment of her debt. That moment, seeing the blood on Gabrielle’s top, and seeing that look in her eyes, had been one of the most terrifying of her life. The thought that she had come so close to losing her love…it pushed her heart into a double beat and forced the air from her chest.

That the bard was so determined to save her only fueled her own desire to protect the young woman. She had always known that the love between them was something rare and special, but to have the proof of that so clearly laid out for her was almost a shock. Of course she knew that she would easily give her life for Gabrielle, but it was something altogether different to see the same determination in those pale green eyes she loved. Well she knew one thing for certain: she was not going to let this situation tear them apart.

The clearing slanted uphill and once she and Argo crested the top Xena got her bearings and they headed down at a slower more deliberate pace. The trees had grown up some, but other than that not much had changed. Horse and warrior headed toward a small copse at the bottom of the hill. The handful of evergreens looked slightly out of place in the middle of the grassy expanse which surrounded them.

Xena looked to see if anyone else was around. The tall grass swayed gently in the light breeze and the warrior couldn’t see any tracks except her own, a silvery trail where the grass had been bent down. She dismounted and removed Argo’s bridle, giving her faithful companion permission to graze at will. Then she moved into the group of trees.

From within it was apparent that the trees were set in a rough circle. At the center of the circle was a small stone slab. Xena’s lips curled into a grin. She had to admit that this was the least ostentatious temple she had ever visited. One of the members of her old army, a former amazon, had dedicated the “temple” and invited her commander to join her there. As far as Xena knew they were the only ones who knew of its existence.

Breathing in the rich scent of the pines and listening to the birds that flitted back and forth overhead, Xena was filled with a feeling of comfort and peace. She carefully unwrapped the rabbit she had brought with her and laid it upon the flat stone. Beyond that obvious step she was slightly unlearned in the worship of this god.

Worshipping any god had never really been her style, and after Ares’ numerous attempts to meddle in her life she wanted nothing to do with them. She was suddenly struck by the fact that the last time she had asked anything of them it had also been for Gabrielle. She had prayed to keep the bard from giving in to vengeance and killing Callisto. Some things never changed. For Gabrielle the warrior would do anything.

She bowed her head, speaking her prayer softly but reverently. When she had finished she looked up, not sure what to expect. The rabbit remained on the stone alter and there was not flash of light or puff of smoke to indicate a godly entrance. Then again, Xena knew that not all gods were so pretentious. She slowly got to her feet and made her way out of the sheltering embrace of the trees and into the sunny field.

“C’mon Argo. We’ve got a date to keep tonight,” she said, trying to keep a cheerful tone in her voice while hoping that her plea had been heard, and behind her, out of view, the rabbit began to glow and then shimmered out of existence.

The sun had moved relentlessly through the sky, and now, with at least a candlemark’s distance left to the amazon village, it was painting the sky with the last of its brilliant light. Ephiny chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from telling Gabrielle that if they had moved faster they could have been at the village in time for dinner. She knew that Gabrielle would consider the day a complete success. Throughout the day Gabrielle had been hard at work thinking of reasons to slow down or stop altogether and Ephiny was smart enough to realize why.

“Well we’ll be in the village tomorrow morning for sure,” Gabrielle commented as she started gathering wood for a fire. Even though her plan had worked she didn’t feel particularly good about it. Xena was still out there somewhere and she wouldn’t feel good until the warrior was once more by her side.

“Gabrielle,’ Ephiny said gently, “I’m sure that Xena will catch up to us before you even finish cooking dinner.”

The bard-turned-queen looked up and let a little smile cross her lips. “I’m pretty transparent, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess I should have mentioned it earlier… could have kept you from insisting I needed all those cups of herbal poison you gave me.” She made a face to indicate her distaste.

“Now Ephiny! You don’t have a headache any more, do ya?”

Ephiny only rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. “I’ll go see if I can catch some game,” she said over her shoulder.

The amazon warrior moved quietly among the trees and was soon out of sight.

Gabrielle settled their belongings, taking out the pans she would need for making dinner. She really didn’t feel like eating, but she knew that Ephiny would harass her unless she did. Ephiny took her responsibility for the queen very seriously. Gabrielle smiled, knowing that it was more friendship than fealty that made her regent so loyal and protective.

She had just taken out her scrollcase and quill when a very familiar sound reached her ears. It was Argo’s low, rumbly nicker. The bard was on her feet in an instant, scanning the treeline for a glimpse of horse and warrior. It didn’t take long for her to pick out the flash of dark leather and bronze and she ran towards her lover.

“Xena!” she wrapped her arms around the warrior and held on tight.

“Shouldn’t you be in the amazon village by now?” Xena replied with a lifted eyebrow.

Then Gabrielle looked up, their eyes met, and no other words needed to be exchanged. Xena draped a loving arm around her partner’s shoulders and they walked back to the little camp.

“Ephiny off hunting?”

“Yep.” Gabrielle knew that Xena was just trying to torture her by not telling her what had happened. Well, she wasn’t going to give the warrior the satisfaction of knowing what a torture it was.

Xena watched as her bard sat down beside a large boulder and picked up her quill. She narrowed her eyes. Wasn’t the bard going to ask her any questions? She knew the suspense had to be killing her. After several minutes of silence, the warrior finally did the unthinkable… she gave in.

“Aren’t you going to ask where I went?”

Gabrielle didn’t look up, though she was dying to, “Oh, you’ll tell me if it’s anything I need to know.”

Xena opened her mouth, then closed it again. Gabrielle was right.

“I’d tell you, Gabrielle, but I don’t know if it did any good. Let’s just wait and find out, ok?”

Gabrielle smiled and looked over to the warrior. She had suspected as much. She wasn’t thrilled about being kept in the dark, but her proximity to Xena was enough to jolly her out of it for the time being. She let out a contented smile as Xena sidled over to her and took out her sword and sharpening stone. There was a definite feeling of peace in the air, and Gabrielle was determined to enjoy it while she could.

Within half a candlemark Ephiny returned carrying the skinned carcass of a rabbit. She knew that her queen preferred not to have to look at her dinner when it was still in its fur.

“Ha! Told you, Gabrielle!” she said triumphantly as she looked pointedly at the warrior princess. “Of course if I’d known for sure I’d have brought back more than one rabbit.”

Gabrielle smiled indulgently, willing to admit that Ephiny HAD been right about Xena arriving. “That’s alright, Eph. I’ve got some vegetables and we’ll have a nice stew.”

Ephiny handed her the meat and then subtly tugged at Xena’s skirt, urging her to follow.

“So,” she said when they were beside Argo, supposedly searching to saddlebags for something important, “how’d it go?”

“How’d what go?” Xena replied innocently.

“Don’t give me that, innocent look. You went off to fix things and I wanna know if they’re fixed. Gabrielle certainly seems more cheerful.”

“Look, Ephiny, I’m really not sure if things are “fixed” or not. Gabrielle’s just glad I didn’t get myself killed or something. Hopefully by the time we reach the village we’ll know for sure if Gabrielle’s off the hook.”

Ephiny squinted at the warrior, trying to determine if there was anything else she should know. Xena’s face was open and honest so she gave a little grin and poked her in the shoulder.

“Well, anyway, I’m glad you’re back. Gabrielle was just about driving me crazy with her obvious attempts to slow us down so you could catch up.”

Xena laughed. “She can be pretty creative though, wouldn’t you agree?”

Dinner was finished and Ephiny had volunteered to do the dishes, leaving Xena and Gabrielle alone for a time.

“Tomorrow we’ll be in the village,” Gabrielle stated.

“Yes. And if I get sick again the healers there will have all the supplies to treat me.”

Gabrielle looked up, clearly shocked. “What are you talking about? That is NOT going to happen!”

“Shh…” Xena wrapped one arm around the bard’s waist. “I know you don’t want to think about it, but if worst comes to worst, at least we’ll be among people who can help.”

“Xena, if worst comes to worst, I will kill whoever I need to in order to keep you alive!”

“Gabrielle…” Xena paused, unsure of how to continue. “What you’re willing to do… you can’t know how much it means to me… but I can’t let you kill for me. Please don’t make me have to guard you.”

“Don’t, please Xena…”

The rest of Gabrielle’s sentence was swallowed by the sudden thundering crash which sounded all around them. A flash of pure white light startled the bard, but Xena hardly twitched. She had been hoping for it. She did, however, move to stand protectively in front of Gabrielle as the smoke cleared and Ares appeared.

“You little bitch!” he roared, glaring at Gabrielle. “Thought you could welch on our deal?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, confused and scared by the god’s out of control manner.

“News travels fast, eh Ares?” Xena interjected.

Gabrielle swung her head around to stare at her partner.

“Gabrielle had nothing to do with it. I’m the one who made the petition.”

“Xena, what’s going on?” Gabrielle hissed, as if Ares couldn’t hear even her softest whisper.

Ephiny chose that moment to reappear and looked at the leather-clad man speculatively.

“Who’s he?”

“Ares,” Xena and Gabrielle said in unison without even glancing at the amazon.

Ephiny’s eyes opened wider, then narrowed as she gazed at the god with disdain. She knew enough of his history with Xena to feel nothing but disgust for him. Quickly she positioned herself in front of her queen so that Gabrielle was flanked by two highly armed warriors.

“Your move, Ares,” Xena taunted.

“Well it’s pretty simple, Xena. If she can’t carry out her part of the deal then I guess you’re going to be feeling a bit under the weather,” he replied snidely as he raised one muscled arm to point in her direction.

“No! Ares, I still have a few days left! What’s going on? Please! You have to give me more time.”

Gabrielle had tried to run to the god, but Xena held her firmly in place.

A bare instant later the air filled with a feeling of electricity and then, without light, smoke, or thunder, a lithe, beautiful woman, dressed in leather and carrying a bow and quiver, stood next to Ares. Her hair was brown and had a light curl though it fell only to her jaw. Large brown eyes looked warmly upon the three women and then turned to face the god.

“Here to stick your nose in again, Artemis? I wouldn’t if I were you. You know the rules about interfering with other gods,” Ares addressed the goddess.

“It’s not interfering, Ares. My spell may prevent Gabrielle from killing, but remember, it doesn’t directly counteract anything you have done.”

“That’s very true. With Gabrielle unable to kill, I guess I’ll just have to give Xena back that illness she was suffering from when last I saw her. She still doesn’t look to good, does she, Art? Kind of a shame…I doubt she’ll be able to survive it.”

The two gods spoke almost as though the mortals were unable to hear them, but that was quite untrue. Gabrielle heard every word and this time Xena couldn’t prevent her from dashing to Artemis’ side.

“Oh, Artemis, how could you do this? It was my decision to make! You can’t let him do this!”

The soft spoken goddess laid her hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder, instantly silencing her.

“My dearest child, I could not let you kill at the bidding of another. If at some future time you are forced to take a life, it must be entirely your doing. You may think that this was your decision, but it was not. You would have been killing in the name of Ares.”

Artemis’ words made sense, but they did not quell the fear that twisted in the bard’s stomach. She turned to Ares.

“Please, Ares, I know you don’t really want to kill Xena.”

“Maybe not, but unlike some, I always keep my word.”

“Then let’s change the rules. Put Xena’s sickness in me instead.”

“Gabrielle!” Xena shouted out the name, trying to keep the bard from continuing.

“You said it yourself, Ares. She won’t survive, but I might have half a chance. If you give it to me and I die, you’ll have the best of both worlds… and if I live… well it will be more honorable than striking down someone who’s already weak.”

Ares stared at the green eyes of the bard, considering her words. Both Xena and Ephiny seemed frozen in place, too shocked by this turn of events to even speak.

Finally Artemis broke the silence, “Ares, she speaks the truth. Killing Xena now would hold no honor.”

“Fine! I’ll let the brat have her way… but without any more help from you,” he sneered.

“Agreed.”

“Didja hear, blondie? I’m going to let you take your lover’s place.”

Gabrielle nodded her head mutely, then whispered, “Thank you.”

“We’ll see how much you’re thanking me in a couple of days,” he said as he waved his hand in the air and then disappeared.

Just as he left, Gabrielle lurched forward, and only Xena’s quick reflexes kept her from hitting the ground.

“Gabrielle!”

“It’s ok, Xena. I just got dizzy for a moment. I’m fine.”

Ephiny ran to their side and Xena glared up at Artemis.

“This is your idea of help?”

“Careful, warrior. You and I have no quarrel. Don’t start one now.”

“But how could you let her…”

“Because she was right. You would die. She may yet live.”

“Well she’d better, because if she doesn’t, all of Olympus won’t be big enough for Ares to hide from me.”

Xena looked back down at Gabrielle, and when she raised her eyes again, Artemis was gone.

“She’s not much for fancy exits, is she?” Ephiny commented.

A candlemark later, after Xena had forced Gabrielle to drink a foul tasting remedy, the trio laid down to sleep.

“Really, Xena. I feel fine,” Gabrielle said as the warrior piled another blanket on top of their bedroll.

“So did I until I was too weak and sick to move. At least we’re forewarned, and we are going to beat this thing.”

“You were right about one thing, Xena,” Ephiny commented, “the healers in the village will have everything we need to take care of Gabrielle.”

Suddenly Gabrielle sat up, disturbing all the blankets the warrior had so carefully placed.

“We can’t go to the village,” she announced.

“What are you talking about? We can and we will,” Xena said.

“No. The healer who took care of you said that this illness wiped out a whole village. I’m not going to bring that kind of plague to the amazons. I won’t!”

Gabrielle was using her most stubborn queen voice, and Xena and Ephiny shared nervous glances.

“Gabrielle,” Ephiny started calmly.

“Don’t bother, Eph,” the bard cut her off before she could even state her case. “I am the queen of the amazons and I’m not going to place them in danger.”

Xena let out a frustrated sigh. This day was not going at all like she had planned.

“There’s a series of caves not far from here, about half-way to the village. We’ll go there,” Xena said. “Ephiny, you can continue on to the village and bring back any supplies we might need.”

“If the queen insists.”

“I do,” Gabrielle said firmly.

Ephiny nodded reluctantly and then lay down to sleep. A short distance away Xena tugged Gabrielle into a prone position and then wrapped her arms around her.

“Sleep well, my love. We will get though this,” she murmured.

CHAPTER EIGHT

With hardly a word spoken between them, the three women packed up their belongings and headed towards the caves Xena had indicated. The reached them by midmorning and then, still in silence, set up camp.

Finally Gabrielle broke the eerie calm.

“So are you both never speaking to me again or something?” she asked in a sarcastic tone which didn’t quite mask the hurt beneath it.

Ephiny looked up at Xena and then spoke hastily. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind and I’m sure Xena’d say the same… right?”

“Right,” Xena replied tonelessly as she lifted Argo’s saddle down from the horse’s strong back.

Gabrielle turned away and decided not to ask any more questions. Her head was beginning to ache and all she really wanted was a nap.

“Well,” Ephiny said awkwardly, “I guess I’ll start heading back to the village. Hopefully I’ll make it back her by morning.”

Xena had given the blonde woman a list of things to bring back. The regent wanted to get them as quickly as possible, unsure exactly how sick her queen would become.

Gabrielle gave her a hug and Xena nodded at her, then resumed her hunt for firewood. The blonde Amazon gave a final salute and then set off at a steady jog.

Left alone with her lover, Gabrielle was at a loss as to what to do or say. It was pretty obvious that the warrior was not in the friendliest of moods.

“Umm… you want me to do that?” she asked hesitantly.

“No.”

“I… I guess I’ll look for some food then.”

“No,” Xena turned to face her. “Go sit down and save your strength. I’ll take care of everything.”

Dejected, the bard sat down on their bedroll next to one cave wall, eyes watching as Xena moved in and out of the cave with armloads of wood. She could understand that Xena was upset, but her attitude towards her was definitely not helping anything.

Outside, Xena leaned heavily against a large tree. She knew Gabrielle was hurt. She knew her silence was only making a bad situation worse. Yet she couldn’t seem to help herself. She felt so helpless. So useless. Her lover was ready to risk her life for her and there was nothing she could do about it. This enemy was not one she could fight with conventional weapons.

She had already gathered enough wood to last for a week and she knew she was going to have to approach Gabrielle eventually. With her typical warrior mentality she decided that she might as well get it over with.

The interior of the cave was a bit cooler than the outside, but not uncomfortable. It was perfectly dry, with a soft sand floor and a slight draft from within which would blow any smoke out the wide entrance.

Gabrielle was still sitting against one wall atop their bedroll. She had started a small fire and it hissed and crackled pleasantly, tossing shadows onto the cave walls. The bard had her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms tightly wrapped around them. The didn’t look up when Xena entered, and the forlorn look on her face sent pangs of guilt through the warrior.

Xena pulled a pouch of dried fruit from their packs and sidled over to where Gabrielle was seated.

“Hungry?” she asked, holding out the fruit.

Gabrielle shook her head and stared into the fire.

“You should keep your strength up,” Xena reminded.

To Gabrielle the statement sounded like a rebuke and she reached out to take the pouch.

When the bard remained silent even after taking the food, Xena decided that more drastic peace-making measures were required.

“I don’t think I got a chance to thank you,” she said softly.

“What?” Gabrielle turned her head sharply to stare at her lover.

“I said that I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving my life, Gabrielle. What you did for me…once again you saved me. I guess I should stop being so surprised when you do that, huh?”

“I didn’t think you were too happy with the way things worked out,” Gabrielle said.

Xena took hold of her hands and looked into her eyes. “Gabrielle, of course I’m not happy. The idea of you getting sick while I sit here helpless to do anything about it… well it doesn’t exactly fill me with joy. And the thought that you could die? It scares me to death, love. You are everything to me. I can’t imagine going on without you,” she smiled crookedly. “I think I mentioned that to you not long ago.”

“So now you know why I did what I did.”

Xena thought for a moment. “I guess I do.”

“Xena, I’m scared. I don’t want to leave you.”

Tears spilled from pale green eyes and Xena rushed to envelope her in a strong hug.

“Don’t be afraid, Gabrielle. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to make sure you’re fine… and you know I can be almost as stubborn as you.”

Gabrielle laughed through her tears at that remark and held onto Xena with all the strength she had. After a short while Xena relinquished her hold on the bard and sat back on her heels.

“now if this is really the same illness I had, you must have one Tartarus of a headache right now.”

Gabrielle nodded and brushed away the last remnants of her tears.

In less than a quarter candlemark Xena had built up the fire, made the tea, and was waiting for Gabrielle to take her first taste. The bard was understandably reluctant because she had been given such medicinal mixtures before. Finally she sipped the tiniest amount into her mouth and then took a real swallow.

“Hey! This stuff tastes great!”

“Lots of mint and honey. Thought I’d dull the real taste. You like it?”

“Mmm-hmmm. I’d drink it even if I wasn’t sick,” Gabrielle replied, taking another drink.

The look on Gabrielle’s face was one of such enjoyment that Xena averted her gaze.

Why hadn’t she made tea like this for Gabrielle earlier? Why had she been depriving them both of these simple pleasures? A soft hand on her shoulder pulled her back into reality.

“Whatcha thinking?” Gabrielle asked upon seeing the look on her partner’s face.

“Just wish I’d made that tea for you earlier.”

Gabrielle knew her partner well enough to know the sentiment hiding behind those words. She leaned forward and kissed Xena gently on the lips.

“I’m sure you’ll have plenty more opportunities,” she said as they parted.

Xena could feel her lips still tingling, and looking at Gabrielle she saw the stark desire in her eyes.

“My head is feeling much better,” the bard said huskily.

“The warrior closed her eyes briefly and took a sharp breath through her nose. When she opened her eyes Gabrielle was still staring at her.

“I don’t want to wear you out,” Xena said.

“Loving you could only make me feel better,” Gabrielle replied, and she felt Xena’s strong hands stroke up her arms, thumbs reaching to stroke the sides of her breasts.

Years of training meant that Ephiny was able to push herself more than most people, but by the time she reached the Amazon village even she was winded and sore. She shoved all of her physical discomfort aside though, knowing that she still had an important task to complete.

Scouts had met her at the forest outposts and she had sent one of them back to make sure that the healer was there to meet her. Korin thought it strange since Ephiny seemed to be perfectly healthy, but she wasn’t about to question the regent.

Solari on the other hand wasn’t afraid to ask.

“What’s going on, Eph? I thought Gabrielle and Xena would be with you. We expected you all last night. Eponin’s about ready to send out a search party,” the normally reticent Solari finally took a breath and allowed Ephiny to respond.

“It’s a very long story Solari, but the short version is that Gabrielle is sick. She and Xena are in the caves to the west. I need to get some supplies from Saras and then I’m heading back myself.

“But why didn’t you bring the queen back here?” Solari asked, astounded that Ephiny would leave Gabrielle out in the forest even if Xena was looking out for her.

“The queen insisted. Her illness is very serious and very contagious. She doesn’t want to put the village at risk.”

Solari’s eyes widened but she really had no response. Once again her queen had raised a notch in her eyes.

The two women went straight to Saras’ hut where a group of Amazons had assembled, all wondering where their queen was. Ephiny rolled her eyes. No way was she going to be able to leave without telling everyone and abridged version of the past week.

She gave Xena’s list to Saras and then turned to address her fellow Amazons. She knew she couldn’t to the story justice, but she did manage to hit the high points. When she was finished a murmur went through the small crowd. Most seemed to be commenting on the devotion between their queen and Xena. Such courage and devotion were always respected. A small group, however, didn’t seem to be as enthralled by Ephiny’s words.

“Are you saying that you left the queen out there when she has what could be a life threatening illness?” a voice piped up. It was Mara, a young Amazon who had only recently completed her training.

“Mara,” Ephiny pronounced patiently, “it wasn’t my decision.”

“Oh come now! The queen could have been delusional. She was certainly not in any frame of mind to be making that kind of decision.”

Ephiny pressed her lips together and counted to ten before speaking.

“Queen Gabrielle was quite capable of making her own decisions when I left her.”

“Well that’s your story anyway,” Mara said sarcastically, and a hushed gasp went through the crowd. “You ARE the one who would get the mask of queen if anything happened to Gabrielle. I think that a group of us should go up to the caves and bring back Queen Gabrielle!”

“No!” Ephiny proclaimed. “We will abide by the queen’s wishes and that’s final.”

“Not quite, Ephiny,” Mara said snidely. “I challenge you for the title of regent. If I win then we go to the queen!”

Ephiny and most of the others were shocked into silence. Then anger rolled through the regent and her eyes flashed in the sunlight. No way was this young Amazon going to get away with this kind of insubordination. If she wanted a challenge; she’d get it.

“Chobos, practice field, now!” she shouted and stalked towards the field, followed by a crowing crowd.

Even if some of the women had agreed with Mara about bringing Gabrielle to the village, none of them agreed with this almost unheard of challenge. Challenges were issued over major differences and politics, not by untried warriors out for personal ego boosts.

“Ephiny,” Solari whispered as the regent prepared herself, “you aren’t gonna kill this kid, are you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ephiny retorted, “but I am going to teach her a little lesson in respect.”

Ephiny twirled her carved black chobos expertly and then glared across at Mara who was looking slightly less cocky.

The crowd of women formed a circle around the two combatants and watched as they approached each other. Ephiny held her weapons in an almost relaxed grip, waiting for Mara to make the first move. The younger Amazon was unnerved by her opponent’s casual air but she tried to cover by plastering an unconvincing scowl across her features. When she did make the first move, aiming for Ephiny’s right hip and left shoulder, the regent easily deflected the blows and in a flurry of motion the battle was on.

Mara found herself having to back up to avoid Ephiny’s skilled attack. The sound of wood striking wood echoed in the air, joined by the enthusiastic shouts of the watching Amazons. A lucky shot by Mara glanced off Ephiny’s right cheek, but she didn’t let it slow her down. Instead she allowed the blow to spin her around and then ducked low, taking Mara’s legs out from under her. The young woman struggled to her feet and attempted to land a blow to Ephiny’s unprotected midsection. It was a move the regent had counted on. She stepped back a pace, throwing Mara off balance and then struck her on the back , sending her tumbling to the ground at her feet. Mara rolled, in preparation for bolting to her feet, but Ephiny was too fast, quickly straddling the woman and holding one chobo poised at her vulnerable neck.

“Yield!” Ephiny shouted, loud enough for all to hear.

Mara saw the raw power and strength of purpose in Ephiny’s eyes and submissively lowered her own. “I yield,” she said in a slightly softer voice.

Ephiny jumped to her feet, bolstered by the cheers of her sisters. She turned to Mara and offered her a hand up.

“I know you were only thinking of the queen’s well being,” she said sternly, “but in the future you’d better be careful who you challenge. No one cares more for Queen Gabrielle than I do.”

Ephiny’s eyes seemed to bore right into Mara’s soul, and she nodded meekly.

“I apologize.”

Ephiny gave her a brusque nod of acceptance and then turned to Solari. “Let’s get back to Saras’ hut. I want to get going as soon as possible.”

CHAPTER NINE

Following their tender love-making, Gabrielle had fallen into a deep sleep with Xena’s arms wrapped around her body. Now, hours later, she remained nestled in the warrior’s embrace though Xena was certainly not sleeping. Instead she passed the time by monitoring Gabrielle’s breathing rate, testing her temperature with a light brush of lips over skin, and stroking her back to keep her sleeping peacefully. She gazed at her lover, eyes soft and gentle. She was so grateful that she had been able to bring Gabrielle pleasure, she only hoped that it wasn’t for the last time. Watching the bard sleep brought out a part of herself that was often hidden; a sensitive and vulnerable part that shut her eyes against the possibility of losing her soulmate.

The sound of a horse let Xena know that Ephiny was near. She looked down at Gabrielle and herself. They were both naked. Xena kissed the top of Gabrielle’s head and then moved to sneak out from under her.

“Wait, Xena.” The warrior was surprised to look up and see that Ephiny was already there, standing just inside the mouth of the cave. “I’ll go get some water and… stuff,” the regent continued. “You stay with Gabrielle.”

Xena smiled her thanks and settled down again, the pale-haired bard resting comfortably against her breast. Ephiny turned and left the cave, a sad smile on her lips. Gods, she hoped that everything worked out. She knew that Xena would be destroyed if Gabrielle didn’t make it, and she herself was scared at the prospect of losing her close friend and queen.

Inside the cave Xena enjoyed the closeness between herself and Gabrielle for a while longer before finally extricating herself. If circumstances had been different she would have liked to remain cuddled together indefinitely, but she wanted to talk to Ephiny and she could tell that Gabrielle’s fever was beginning to rise.

She tucked the blanket back around Gabrielle’s shoulders and then stretched to get the kinks out of her back as she walked to the cave entrance. She spotted Ephiny almost immediately. The regent was seated under a nearby tree patiently sharpening her sword.

“How is she?” Ephiny asked as Xena approached.

“Sleeping. She has a low fever but it’s beginning to rise. We should get some of these herbs into her,” Xena said, indicating the small sack Ephiny had returned with.

Ephiny sheathed her sword and looked expectantly at Xena, ready to do whatever was asked in order to aid Gabrielle. Xena only stared and cocked one eyebrow at the regent.

“You run into trouble on the way?” she asked.

Ephiny’s face flashed confusion and then she reached up one hand to touch the darkening bruise on her cheek.

“Oh. That. One of the Amazons thought Gabrielle belonged in the village. No big deal.”

Xena looked at her hard, obviously believing that it was a big deal. For Ephiny to fight her sister Amazon in order to respect Gabrielle’s wishes meant a great deal to her.

“Thanks, Eph,” she said finally. “I know Gabrielle would appreciate it too.”

“Yeah,” Ephiny said with a little smile, “but let’s not bother her majesty with the trivial squabbles of the populace.”

Xena grinned and the two warriors headed back to the cave.

Clouds were gathering on the horizon and Xena eyed them warily. The last thing they needed was bad weather along with everything else. A gentle whinny distracted her from her negative thoughts. The horse Ephiny had ridden from the Amazon village was grazing peacefully near Argo. She smiled, knowing that Gabrielle would surely coo over the two horses nuzzling each other. The things Xena rarely spared a glance for were often the things that the bard thought were the most precious. Well, she would have to tell her bard that she was beginning to pick up an appreciation for them as well.

The light outside was waning and in the cave most of the illumination was provided by the fire in the center of the area. Xena went straight to Gabrielle’s side while Ephiny crossed to the fire and began building it up.

With gentle and well practiced hands the tall warrior felt for signs of fever and grimaced at the heat she found. Slipping her arms under the bard she easily lifted her up and then transported her closer to the fire. Gabrielle let out a little moan at the movement, but didn’t open her eyes.

“She’s burning up. Get some cold cloths on her while I prepare these herbs,” Xena said tonelessly.

Ephiny was slightly startled by Xena’s emotionless words, but then she looked into her eyes. The pale blue orbs held fear and pain and all the other feelings that would only be counterproductive if released. Ephiny laid a strong hand on Xena’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, then went to tend her queen.

“Xena… Xe… Xena,” Gabrielle’s voice, however soft, instantly reached the warrior’s ears as she stood in the mouth of the cave, staring out into the moonless night.

Before Ephiny could call to her Xena had moved to Gabrielle’s side and was softly stroking her pale hair.

“I’m right here, Gabrielle.”

The bard’s eyes wavered, then focused on the dear face before her and she smiled weakly.

“I knew you wouldn’t be far away,” Gabrielle said.

“Of course not, love. I’m right where I belong.”

Ephiny reached over and passed a cup of the herbal medication into Xena’s hand.

“Hi, Eph. Sorry I’m keeping you from the village.”

“You’re not keeping me from anything. I’m here to serve you, as my queen and my friend.” The regent placed a soft kiss on Gabrielle’s hand, and then moved to the other side of the fire, giving the two lover’s a bit of privacy.

“You look nervous, Xena,” Gabrielle said with a hint of humor.

“Who, me? I never get nervous,” Xena replied in her best warrior-voice, then whispered, “except when it comes to you, my bard. Here, drink this down. It will help with the fever and the headache.”

She lifted the cup to pale, dry lips and held it there until Gabrielle had finished it all.

“Not bad,” Gabrielle commented. “A little more honey couldn’t hurt though.”

That won a smile from her lover and the bard smiled in response. The pleasant moment was only broken by a hacking cough that suddenly rumbled through Gabrielle’s chest, stealing her breath. Xena supported her with an arm behind her back and then offered her a sip of water when the spell had passed.

“Are you alright?” she asked, concerned by this new symptom.

“Oh yeah. No problem,” Gabrielle replied glibly, then raised her eyes to meet those of her other half. “D’you think you could lie here with me for a little while? Just until I fall asleep?”

The tone of Gabrielle’s voice tore at the warrior and she swallowed against the emotions that suddenly made her throat constrict. She didn’t respond, but removed her boots and then slipped under the blankets and pulled Gabrielle close to her.

“Thank you,” the bard whispered.

“You never need to thank me for this, Gabrielle,” Xena said, breathing in the essence of her lover and listening to the steady heartbeat next to her own.

It didn’t take long for Gabrielle to fall back to sleep and when she did Xena carefully moved away from her and crossed the cave to speak to Ephiny.

“That coughing didn’t sound good,” Ephiny said gravely as Xena stood next to her, looking through the fire at the woman who lay on the other side of it.

“No it didn’t. Her lungs are clear though. She said it was just a tickle in her throat.”

“That’s some tickle.”

“Her fever’s still too high. If it doesn’t break soon we’ll have to take her to the river and hope the mountain run-off can cool her down.”

Ephiny laid one hand on Xena’s broad shoulder. “Maybe you should get some sleep.”

“No,” the warrior replied stiffly.

“Ok,” Ephiny backed down, “but at least sit down and try to relax.”

Xena looked down at the regent and saw understanding in her eyes. At their basest level both of them were warriors, struggling to hold themselves together for the sake of the very special woman who held a place in both their hearts.

“She��s strong, Xena. She’ll beat this.”

Xena only nodded, wanting to believe her friend’s words.

Ephiny allowed herself to doze, knowing that Xena would be keeping watch through the night. She had brought a bedroll for herself from the village, and she was curled up on top of it, face towards her weakened queen.

Xena, meanwhile, had moved back to Gabrielle’s side and resumed tending to her. She repeatedly placed cool cloths on her

face and the back of her neck. Then, when the sweats and chills set in she dried the bard’s flushed face and tucked the blankets around her shoulders. Gabrielle’s breathing had begun to sound labored and Xena listened carefully to her lungs for signs of congestion. There were none, and the warrior-healer’s brow creased in confusion until she felt the sides of the bard’s neck.

The glands were horribly swollen and seemed to be interfering with Gabrielle’s breathing. Xena quickly grabbed her herbs and searched around for the combination that would hopefully reduce the inflammation.

She was just getting ready to rouse Gabrielle so that she could give her the medicine when a brutal coughing spell did the job for her.

“Easy, easy, Gabrielle,” Xena soothed as she lifted the woman into a more upright position so that she could catch her breath.

“I’m - I’m ok,” Gabrielle eventually said in a whisper, her voice raspy and painful sounding. She shook her head as if trying to clear her throat. “My throat just hurts. It feels strange.” The younger woman looked to Xena for an explanation and reassurance.

“Not surprising considering how swollen it is,” the warrior explained. “Here, I’ve made you something that’ll help.”

“Thanks,” Gabrielle replied. She reached to take the cup of steaming liquid, but Xena motioned for her to be still and held the cup before her lips, tilting it slowly until the bard had swallowed it all.

Once finished, Gabrielle leaned against Xena, trusting in her warrior’s strength to hold her up. Xena closed her eyes and swallowed, her heart pounding at this evidence of Gabrielle’s weakness.

“Xena?” the bard whispered the name as a prayer.

“I’m here, Gabrielle.”

“I love you.”

Xena took in a sharp breath as the cave swam before her eyes and her throat constricted. “I love you too, Gabrielle, but you need to rest.”

“No. I need to talk to you.” The bard’s eyes closed slowly, then opened to look upon the woman who held her.

“Gabrielle, I don’t… you’re going to be fine. You don’t need to tell me anything.” Xena’s face was a mask of desperation. She didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want to hear her lover giving a deathbed speech.

“I know I’m gonna be fine, but humor me. I’m sick,” Gabrielle quipped, giving a little grin.

“Alright love,” Xena said, trying to keep her breathing even, “I’m listening.” She pulled Gabrielle closer and rested her cheek against the small woman’s temple.

“We said some things the other day… about each other dying.”

“I remember,” Xena said softly, already disheartened by the course of the conversation.

“You said you’d follow me,” Gabrielle said, the awe evident in her voice.

“Yeah. So you’d better not be planning on going anywhere,” Xena said, blinking hard against the tears that threatened.

“Xena,” Gabrielle took a breath, “I need to ask you something hard. I need to ask you not to do that.”

“Gabrielle --”

“I know you think you can’t go on, but that’s not true.”

“Please…” Xena’s voice cracked, “don’t ask this of me. You can’t, Gabrielle. I need you. There’s nothing for me here without you.” Xena’s arms tightened convulsively around the bard and the tears she had tried to contain spilled onto red-gold hair.

“Shh…” Gabrielle instantly became the comforter.

“You’re wrong, Xena. Sure I’ve helped lead you to where you are, but you’re the one who really did it. You have so much left to accomplish.”

Xena shook her head violently. “Not without you! I need you. I love you.”

“I love you more than I could possibly say, Xena. That’s why I want you to finish living your life the way you deserve to. I’ll wait for you Xena. When you’re old and grey I’ll be there to take your hand and lead you into the Fields.”

“Gabrielle, don’t talk like that! You’re going to live to be old and grey too! You hear me?” Xena’s stubborn streak was making a valiant appearance.

“I know,” Gabrielle said softly. “I’m just saying this in case. You know… as a back-up plan,” the sick woman managed to give a little laugh.

Xena smiled sadly and kissed Gabrielle’s flushed cheek. “Oh, Gabrielle,” her words were a benediction brushed across the soft skin.

“Please? Will you at least try?”

Xena closed her eyes, feeling Gabrielle’s warmth, her breathing, her heartbeat, everything that made up the woman she loved.

“I will try, Gabrielle. I will.”

“Thank you, Xena,” Gabrielle responded, a relaxed smile spreading across her face.

“But you have to try too, Gabrielle. You have to try to beat this, ‘cause I know you can. You’re strong. You can fight it. You can!”

“I know. I am trying… it’s just that I’m so tired.”

“I know, love. Just relax and let your body do its job. I’ll be here… always.”

Gabrielle wrapped one of her hands around one of

Xena’s, pressing both to her chest. “I know you will.”

Morning finally arrived, pale tendrils of light spreading slowly across the cave floor as the sun rose. Xena was still awake, cradling Gabrielle and singing softly. Ephiny later decided that it was the singing that woke her, so beautiful as it eased the passage from dreams to wakefulness. She ran her fingers through her tangle of blonde curls and then rose from her place by the fire and stretched out her back.

“How is she? Any better?” Ephiny felt she had become a bad Greek chorus with her repetitive refrain.

“No better. The fever broke, but her throat is swollen. She’s been having trouble breathing.”

Ephiny could see that in the way the small amazon’s chest heaved with every breath. “Have you…”

I gave her something during the night. It takes a little while to work.”

Ephiny nodded, then turned her attention to the fire. She poured water for tea and then went to the river to refill the waterskins. By the time she returned the water was boiling and she poured it into two cups already prepared with tealeaves and honey. The regent carried both cups over to Xena and Gabrielle, then sat down before handing one to Xena.

“Hope it’s not too sweet,” Ephiny commented.

Xena gave a wry smile. “Better not let Gabrielle hear you say that… no such thing as too sweet.”

Ephiny returned the warrior’s smile with one of her own, then let her eyes drift over the form of her queen. The two warriors were quiet as they drank the soothingly hot liquid. They were both too full of thoughts to actually speak them, but there, in the silence, there passed a respectful communion between them.

Ephiny saw how Xena kept one hand stroking Gabrielle’s hair. The bard was propped up against the warrior’s chest to make breathing easier and every so often the tall woman would bow her head and whisper something into a delicate ear.

The rest of the day passed without Gabrielle waking. Ephiny managed to convince Xena to get out and stretch her legs, but within a candlemark the stoic warrior returned to her self- appointed post.

Between the two of them they were able to get some more medicine into Gabrielle throughout the day. However, Ephiny was discouraged by her friend’s lack of response. Xena, however, refused to even contemplate the idea that her lover might not recover.

Xena actually allowed herself to fall asleep that night, but she was woken by the horrible sounds of her partner struggling to breathe. Ephiny was trying to hold her in an upright position to ease her breathing, but it obviously wasn’t working. Xena moved to their side before Ephiny even knew she was awake.

“She can’t breathe, Xena,” Ephiny said desperately. “What can we do for her?”

Gabrielle’s eyes were wide open and a flash of relief shone in them when she saw her lover kneel beside her. The lack of oxygen was making it difficult to focus and she could feel her eyelids closing despite her wish to keep them open. Xena’s strong hands were suddenly cradling her face and she made the extra effort to gaze into the ice blue eyes boring into her.

“Gabrielle,” the warrior said calmly, “I want you to try to relax. Don’t fight yourself. Just breathe shallow.”

The bard obeyed and stopped some of her frantic struggling even as consciousness threatened to leave her.

“I’m going to pinch a nerve to make you sleep, love. When you wake up you’ll be able to breathe. Understand?”

Gabrielle nodded. Her throat was too swollen to allow real speech, but she managed to whisper, “I trust you, Xena.”

At those words the warrior took a deep breath and pressed two points on the side of Gabrielle’s neck, just below her jaw, and watched as her lover’s eyes slid closed and her body relaxed into Ephiny’s arms.

“What are you going to do?” Ephiny asked, wide-eyed.

“I’m going to help her breathe. Like I did for the soldier at the Thesalian healing temple. Remember?”

“I remember,” the regent replied. She hadn’t actually seen the operation, but she had seen the results. The man had lived. “You stay with her and I’ll go get what you need. I saw some reeds down by the river when I was getting water.”

Xena nodded and took over Ephiny’s place behind Gabrielle. She gently lowered the woman to the soft furs that made up her bed and traced the delicate lines of the bard’s face with her strong hands. “You’ll be just fine, Gabrielle,” she whispered.

Ephiny returned quickly with a short length of reed, a wineskin and clean bandages. Xena cut the reed even shorter so that it was only the length of her thumb, then placed her knife in the fire as she swabbed Gabrielle’s throat with the strong wine. She allowed the knife to cool for just a short time, and then held it poised over her lover’s throat.

Ephiny was in awe at the dark warrior’s calm concentration and so she was slightly taken aback when Xena paused and whispered a short prayer to Artemis before cutting the small incision into the base of Gabrielle’s neck. The cut was short, but went straight down into the bard’s windpipe and Xena lost no time in positioning the reed. Almost instantly Gabrielle’s breathing improved as the tube by-passed the swollen area of her throat. Ephiny gave an audible sigh of relief, then handed the bandages to Xena. The wound was such that it formed a seal around the reed, but Xena wrapped the bandages around Gabrielle’s neck anyway, wanting to ensure that the reed stayed in place.

She then turned to the waterskins and poured one out over her hands and the knife which were touched with blood. The always stoic warrior was close to falling apart inside, and she had to struggle to keep her hands from shaking. In fact, she was actually startled when she felt Ephiny place a hand on her shoulder.

“You did a wonderful job, Xena. You saved her life. You know that, right?” Ephiny said encouragingly.

“I hope so, Eph. At least now she’s got a fighting chance. And you know Gabrielle… she’s not the type to give up. She wouldn’t still be with me if she was,” Xena answered and she was even able to smile a little at the thought of her stubborn bard.

CHAPTER TEN

It had been full dark when Xena performed the operation on Gabrielle, and the warrior was still sitting beside her, holding her hand, when the sun appeared, bringing with it a new day. Ephiny had fallen asleep sitting up and she jerked awake as a playful breeze blew a large leaf into her face. There was a short flurry of motion as the regent assured herself that it was indeed only a leaf and not the giant spider she had imagined. Xena bit back a teasing comment and looked at her partner. No doubt Gabrielle would have been unable to keep from laughing.

Ephiny settled herself, then rested slitted eyes on Xena. “Something you wanted to say?” she asked sarcastically. She wished that the silent warrior would say something… anything would be preferable to the suffocating silence.

But Xena had turned all her attention back to the frail woman beside her, and she wasn’t in the mood to joke around.

“Her fever’s back and she still hasn’t woken up,” she said somberly.

“It’s only been a few hours, Xena. Give her a little time,” Ephiny instinctively recognized a change in Xena’s attitude. The warrior was losing hope, and there was no way Ephiny was going to allow that to happen.

Xena looked at her, eyes watery, face flushed with the strain of holding herself together and Ephiny didn’t think she’d ever seen someone in such pain. She had never imagined that the famed warrior princess could look so helpless and forlorn.

“What if she never wakes up?” Xena’s voice cracked and Ephiny sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s broad shoulders. “I have a lot I need to tell her, Eph. I can’t lose her like this.”

“You aren’t going to lose her, Xena.”

“How could she do this? How could she risk her life like this? It’s not fair… it should have been me.”

“Stop it,” Ephiny said sharply. “Don’t blame Gabrielle, and don’t blame yourself! She did what she felt she had to do…”

“I can’t stand seeing her like this. I can’t stand not being able to help her.”

“You are helping her, Xena. You know that. She would have died last night if you hadn’t been here to help her. Please… just the other day you wouldn’t even think about Gabrielle not pulling through this. You need to get that stubbornness back. She knows you’re here. She’ll come back to you. I don’t think she’d dare do anything else!”

Xena remained quite for a short time, then straightened up and brushed a hand across her eyes.

“I’m going to go freshen up. Wouldn’t want Gabrielle to think I’m not taking care of myself,” she said with a trace of her normal strength.

She left without saying another word, and Ephiny spared a glance for her queen. “You’d better prove me right, Gabrielle.”

While Xena was down at the stream, Ephiny built up the fire and threw a few vegetables into a pot of water to make soup. The bones from the previous night’s rabbit went into the pot as well, and soon there was a pleasing and comforting smell emanating from the cave.

Ephiny remained beside the fire, thinking and watching the flames flicker and jump towards the ceiling. She couldn’t quite sort out all of what she was feeling. There were the obvious physical feelings: exhaustion, various aches from her run to and from the village, a slight headache caused, no doubt, by stress. The less definable thoughts were what puzzled her.

She was relieved that Gabrielle was still alive, and thankful that Xena was able to perform her usual magic. In another part of her mind, though, she felt the prickling stabs of jealousy. It was a vague, undirected jealousy, but she knew where it had its source.

She wished that she had been the one to save the queen. That she was the one Gabrielle cast that worshipful gaze upon. It wasn’t that she was in love with the bard, certainly not the way Xena was, but there was an allure to their connection that was hard to avoid. No matter how close she was to the two of them, she remained outside their private circle of two.

She gave a little sigh. Stupid thoughts. She had an entire village of Amazons looking to her for leadership in Gabrielle’s absence, an entire village of friends and family. Still, what Xena and Gabrielle shared was hard not to envy.

Out of the corner of her eye the regent thought that she saw Gabrielle move and she hastened to her side. She was just about to call for Xena when that woman appeared in the mouth of the cave, a dripping, naked form outlined and shimmering in the sunlight.

“Xena! You just about scared my leathers off!” Ephiny scolded. “I think she’s starting to come around.”

Xena threw her own leathers onto her bedroll and slipped on a loose fitting shift then pulled her damp hair back and secured it with a leather thong.

“Thanks for watching her,” she said with a little smile.

“Oh, like I’d just run off on the queen and risk getting tried for treason or something,” Ephiny teased.

Xena settled herself next to Gabrielle and took up the smaller woman’s hand, stroking the palm with the callused pad of her thumb.

“C’mon, Gabrielle… you’re public is waiting here,” she called gently in a sing-song voice.

Xena felt the small hand within hers instinctively tighten as its owner struggled towards consciousness. She tightened her own grip as her heart pounded painfully in her chest. Staring down into the pale face of her lover she watched as delicate eyelids quivered and then she was gazing down into pale green eyes.

The first thing Gabrielle noticed when she woke was that she could breathe without the terrible effort it had taken before. The second thing she noticed was the tight feeling around her throat.

Xena saw the pale green eyes flicker open and smiled down into them, watching as the bard blinked a few times to clear her bleary vision. Gabrielle opened her mouth to say that she was feeling better, but the only thing that came out was a low whistling sound. Before the terror could fully register Xena was holding her shoulders and staring into her eyes.

“It’s alright, Gabrielle. You just can’t talk right now.”

Gabrielle knew that she had been close to losing her voice, but this felt different, strange.

‘I had to insert a tube into your neck. Your throat was so swollen you couldn’t breathe,” Xena explained.

Gabrielle’s hands moved to her neck but Xena grabbed hold of them.

“Easy there. You don’t want to jostle it.”

“My voice?” Gabrielle mouthed the words.

“It will come back. Don’t worry, love. You’ll be as good as new.” Xena tried to be comforting, knowing that losing her voice was a shock to the bard.

“How are you feeling otherwise? I know you can’t swallow much, but I have some herbs I was going to put in some soup for you.”

Gabrielle nodded her head and patted her stomach, then scrunched up her face at the pain swallowing caused her.

Xena looked at her sympathetically. “I know it hurts a lot. The soup will help, I promise.”

Gabrielle smiled weakly in agreement, then turned to face Ephiny. With her hands and facial expression she managed to ask how the regent was feeling.

“I’m fine, Gabrielle. Stop worrying about me!” Ephiny protested as she carefully brushed the younger woman’s bangs out of her eyes. “You look much better yourself,” she commented.

“Thanks,” the bard’s fine lips formed the silent word.

Sometime later, Gabrielle lay dozing while Xena and Ephiny kept watch over her. She had managed to keep down a cup of rich broth along with tiny, soft pieces of meat and vegetables carefully chosen by Xena.

She had also insisted that Ephiny tell her all the village news, leading Xena to comment that for a bunch of fierce warriors, the Amazons certainly loved to gossip. A sharp look from regent and queen caused the corners of her mouth to quirk upwards, but she managed to contain her low chuckle.

Now, with Xena sharpening her sword, as usual, and Ephiny staring into the fire, a certain peaceful calm settled over the trio.

“She’ll be alright now,” Ephiny’s statement held a hint of questioning in it.

Xena laid down her sword and sharpening stone and glanced at her lover before looking up at the regent. “She’ll be alright,” she confirmed. “But I want to get her back to the village before I remove that reed.”

Ephiny eyed the tall warrior, noticing a tightening around the blue eyes. “You’re worried about something.”

Xena pinned her with a look, then relented and gave a little sigh. “Yeah. I’m worried.”

“About Gabrielle’s voice?”

“There’s always the chance that I hit something I shouldn’t have. I mean I’m not a real healer, and no one knows exactly where the power of speech comes from.”

“Xena, you saved her life. That’s got to mean something.”

“It does. It means everything to me. As long as she’s alive and with me I feel like anything is possible. I’m just afraid she won’t want to be with me if…”

This time it was Ephiny’s turn to skewer Xena with a steely glare. “Xena, you know damn well that Gabrielle is not going to leave you.”

Xena lowered her eyes and shrugged. “If you say so.”

It was when she lowered her eyes to her partner that she noticed bright green eyes looking up at her, a pained yet loving expression filling them.

“Gabrielle!” Xena was surprised to see her awake. “Is something wrong? Something hurting?”

Gabrielle shook her head and motioned for Ephiny to give her something to write with. Xena had a feeling that the bard had a few things to convey about the conversation she’d just overheard. Ephiny handed over a blank scroll and a quill dipped in ink. As soon as she had the objects in her hands, Gabrielle began scribbling. Moments later she was handing the scroll to the warrior.

It read:

I can’t believe you would think I could possibly leave you, even if I never speak again. I was willing to kill for you… to die for you… if I all that happens is that lose my voice, I’ll consider it a bargain. You still think that everything bad that happens to me is your fault, and that everything good that happens to you is because of me. That’s not true. I make my own choices… my own sacrifices. And as for good things, they don’t happen because of me, they happen because of us… because we’re together.

After reading the short note, Xena rerolled the scroll and set it aside before looking at Gabrielle. There were tears in her eyes to match the ones in the bard’s.

“I’m sorry, Gabrielle. You’re right,” she gave a little half grin. “You usually are when it comes to sensitive chats.”

Gabrielle smiled and held out her hands. The warrior edged closer and took both hands in her own, squeezing them gently.

“Well I’m glad we’ve got that straightened out!” Ephiny proclaimed. “Now I think we’d all better get some sleep if we want to get the queen here back to her people.”

Gabrielle smiled and nodded in agreement, then pulled Xena closer and indicated that she should lie down beside her. The warrior gave a token look of resistance but quickly acceded to the bard’s wishes, snuggling herself into her usual spot, one arm resting lightly on Gabrielle’s firm abdomen.

Ephiny grinned to see the two of them together, then shook her head. Some things just seemed destined.

END

#xena #xena warrior princess #xena/gabrielle #xena/gabrielle fanfiction #PG-13 #fanfiction #femslash #author: swordnquil

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redskull-fanatic · 6 years ago

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Captain Hydra

A story about Steve becoming Captain Hydra. An alternate universe if the whole plot of Captain America: The First Avenger, was slightly altered. No Bucky death, no Johann being blasted into the cosmos, and no crashing into the ice and becoming frozen. Just a simple, “American military foils a minor Hydra plan, and the two have been going back and forth a few years after the war.” Should be interesting.

Skull stood on his balcony, watching his Hydra troops do their normal training routine. It was all so boring, dull, uninspired.

Schmidt sighed angrily as he stormed his way back into his office and shut the balcony doors with simply no thought at all.

He paced the room a bit, deep in thought, until the radiant blue light caught his attention. He eased his way over to his prized Tesseract and lifted it up with care. He stared into the light, demanding sort of answer telepathically. Unable to understand the Skull’s unvoiced demand, the object simply dimmed it’s glow.

Schmidt sighed once more.

“You must be confused on why I am upset, hm?” He asked the glowing object, it shimmered in response. “Ah, well, my Hydra army seems so dull. Normally opera and portraits would quench my thirst of entertainment, but even that is not working..” Skull explained dully, setting the cube onto a plush pillow display and going back to pacing the room.

The cube seemed to watch him, thinking of ways to cheer him up. It glowed with a suggestion.

Skull noticed.

“Whatever you are suggesting, perhaps do it now. I do not like my attention wasted.”

The cube hummed in response and started glowing brightly. Then, it shot out a hologram of a figure.

The figure had no colors other than the blue of the tesseract, but Skull could clearly make out it was Captain America.

His new mysterious rival.

“… Him?” The Skull asked, receiving a glow from the alien object, “What about him?”

The hologram Steve was moved aside and two more pictures were displayed. The Hydra symbol and a question mark.

The Skull looked confused, but once all the pieces fit together in his mind he was baffled.

“Are you suggesting… Captain America join Hydra?” He whispered, still in a state of shock that such an object would even consider the possibility.

The cube glowed in agreement, then all the pictures disappeared and the hologram showed a concept idea of Captain Hydra. Hologram Steve was smiling, and once he saw Skull he gave the Hydra salute. Johann was taken aback by this.

He decided to consider what the cube was offering.

Captain America becoming Captain Hydra?… Both names sound just as moronic, The Skull thought. He started to pace around the room, This Captain America is still a new enemy of mine, I truly do not know much about him… He’s idiotic and stubborn, how would I even convert him to Hydra?

The Skull looked at the cube, in his mind demanding an answer. However, the hologram of Steve kept distracting him. Saluting, smiling, wielding his Hydra shield. It was such a strange sight to behold, yet Skull did like what he saw.

“If I wish to convert the Captain to Hydra, I need options. Ways to convert him… Any ideas?”

The Tesseract took away hologram Rogers and a few more pictures popped up. All described the possible ways to convert the American to Hydra.

The first picture was a man shouting at another. Force, Schmidt thought.

The second was a man with swirly eyes, Schmidt concluded that was brainwash, and/or mind control.

The third, however, he was put off by. The image was two men smiling and shaking hands.

He looked at the Tesseract in disgust, “What is this?”

The cube’s light glowed with interest, and displayed more and more pictures that made the Skull uncomfortable.

People hugging, laughing, dancing, talking with huge smiles on their faces.

All were acts of kindness.

The realization hit Schmidt like a truck, and he could feel his breakfast race up his throat.

Forcing his earlier meal back down, he glared at the tesseract in disapproval.

The holograms disappeared and the tesseract’s light dimmed in shame, causing Schmidt to sigh. “I am not mad at you,” he stated, causing the tesseract to light up again. “However, I do not understand why of all things you’d suggest-”

Schmidt was cut off by a knock at the door.

Quickly lifting up the tesseract and placing it back in its proper place, he marched forward to see who his interruption was.

He opened the door slightly, his look of disapproval melted into a neutral expression.

“Hallo, Dr. Zola.”

Zola shifted nervously with his papers, a slight hint of annoyance was on his face. He spared a glance at Schmidt, “Herr Skull, sorry to bother you-”

Skull shook his head, “No, no, perfectly fine. Was in the middle of… Watching the troops as all, what is it Arnim?”

Zola shuffled his papers around more, “Well, I came here to show you more-”

“Ideas for future designs?” Schmidt finished, and seeing the look on Zola’s face he knew he was correct.

Zola was no doubt a smart man, however he’s far too nervous and quiet to truly take any action. Johann had to find him, see his work and hire him for Zola to actually grow a backbone. It took him weeks to get used to looking Skull in the eyes, but Johann is pleased how far he came from then.

“Y-Yes… “ Stammered Arnim as he adjusted his glasses and handed Schmidt some concept sheets.

The Skull eyed them carefully, taking in each and every idea he could. Truth is, Johann always liked to hear about new ideas, especially the crazy ones. For years his knowledge of myth being fact was shut down and called mad, until those dull-witted Nazis took interest in him. He returned the favor with Zola and is very willing to look at any ideas the doctor has… When he’s in a good mood.

Thankfully, he was.

Schmidt nodded at most of the designs, only a few he saw no future for. He handed all the blueprints back to Zola, pointing at the few he disliked. “Either toss these out or better them,” he demanded darkly. Zola simply nodded, sorting all of the papers out now that Schmidt returned them.

He then noticed the emotions swimming in Johann’s eyes, drawing concern.

“Herr Schmidt?”

“Yes, Zola?”

“… Is everything alright?”

Skull tensed up in the shoulders, he despised whenever Zola noticed something was wrong with him. When all the thoughts and feelings clashed, and he couldn’t think straight. The good doctor has become familiar with Schmidt’s usual expressions and tones. It made Schmidt uncontrollable that Zola knew him almost a little too well.

He huffed, trying to relax his furrowing brows, “I’m fine Arnim, nothing is bothering me-“

The look on Zola’s face told Schmidt he wasn’t buying it.

Skull sighed and spoke lower, “Hydra is boring me, as all. I wish it was a little more exciting. I shall put up with it until my mood shifts. Good day, doctor.”

And with that, Skull shut the door in Zola’s face. It wasn’t a slam, but it was shut quickly.

Zola grew more and more concerned as he left the hall.

000

Schmidt stomped back to the Tesseract, lifted it out and stared into it.

He scanned for any hints or clues, but the mysterious object only twinkled to greet Schmidt.

The Skull sighed as he placed the jewel to Odin’s treasure room onto its plush pillow and stomped out onto the balcony.

He watched the troops train. Getting yelled at by their superiors, obeying every command, when the routine got messed up; they would be scolded and force to do it all over again.

Skull sighed again, his eyes wandering elsewhere.

He scanned the surrounding wildlife, the sparse grass being devoured by dirt, pushed back woods, the entire place strangely being shades of brown and orange.

Schmidt raised his brow, then took a glance at the Tesseract.

It twinkled another greeting.

He nodded, then looked up at the sky.

The sun was in the midst of setting, so the sky was painted ruby reds and bright oranges.

He stared up at it, silently making pleas with his eyes.

He wanted answers, he wanted options. Normally, he made his own options, but this time… He was unsure what course of action to take next.

The sky melted and mixed with the colors, like watery paint on a forever moving canvas.

Maybe the gods would answer him with shapes in the sky.

Johann paid close attention to the moving shapes, trying to latch onto anything he could.

It took him ten minutes to find one; a square.

A red and orange square with swirls of faint white sky, the white was being possessed by the red and the orange seemed greedy to join in.

It was beautiful, but it told Johann something important.

He lowered his head, thought about it, then decided to take the order.

He thanked the gods quietly and marched towards the Tesseract.

The blue glow seemed happy to be in his presence. It shone brightly as Johann picked it up.

Calmly, he said; “… Tell me more about this… plan of yours.”

Thanks for reading! Sorry the format is wonky, writing this on Google Docs and such. Now, I don't know much about Marvel in general, so I'm making this up as I go! Sorry if anyone is out of character or something. Also, once I'm part way through chapter three, I'll post two. Writing this all for fun, and it's coming out nice! Thanks again!!

#red skull #captain america #marvel #johann schmidt #my writing #red skull x steve rogers #marvel fanfiction #captain hydra #chapter one

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angstymarshmallow · 7 years ago

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loving you hurts (zig x mc)

[A little note: I started pieces of this earlier last week, and listening to music kept me going. You know I can’t resist angst. Thanks so much for requesting 26 Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave from this prompt list @enmchoices, hope you enjoy it!]

If love has taught Dia anything – it is that it hurts. It hurts to love. It hurts to be in-love. Even in the middle of his warmest embrace – the thought never wavers, never disappears from her mind. Even in the midst of all the sunshine, and there isn’t a downpour of doubt nor a shred of uncertainty – she thinks it hurts to be loved in return.

She doesn’t know if it will ever stop hurting; not after everything they have been through. Not after they’ve finished yelling until there isn’t any words left to yell. Not as they stare longingly at each other, without moving too close and the distance threatens to swallow them whole – while the bitter taste of self-righteousness stops her from reaching for him. The second she turns her eyes into slits and slither back out of the room, clutching the door for support as he breaks the silence first – she storms out without a second glance, shattering a piece of herself with her.

Love still hurts.

It follows her. Clings to her as she runs down the steps, springing to get away – springing to be free. It refuses to be ignored – refuses to be forsaken despite her screaming and begging for it not to consume her. To not fill her so much that there won’t be anything left when it’s all gone.

Love consumes.

And it has been following her since the day they met. It has left its mark and buried too deep for her to scratch.

Staring at the bottom flight of stairs of their apartment building, she braces herself for the last steps before angrily marching down. Her fingers find a familiar place; digging into her wrists to relieve some of the pressure – to relieve some of her anguish from their fight that still lingers inside her head. But it doesn’t help.

Nothing helps when she gets like this.

When she’s feeling as though her world is falling apart. When the words they exchanged to each other tears down the walls she’s spent years building and his presence in the aftermath isn’t enough to keep everything from colliding. Her walls are crumbling, falling fast right in front of her and there isn’t anything she can do to stop it.

He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand. He’ll never understand. How can he when they’re so different – like the break of dawn and the unfolding from the quiet moon – they don’t function very well together and yet can’t help but be drawn towards each other when they’re apart.

And all his sunshine does is blind her. They’ve blinded her from reality, repeatedly masking her own pain for happiness but now when there is nothing left to hide under, there isn’t enough of his light for her to follow. Instead, the dark reaches out – calling her with its self-deprecation and pity, gnawing with its superficial claws until its found a way inside,within her head - hungry and angry for her.

So angry that it fucks everything up, until a quiet night together turns into the exact opposite and ends in her hastily tossing the keys across the room.

She thinks he’s supposed to save her – but maybe she doesn’t want to be saved. Maybe she wants to sink instead, all the way to the bottom with her grief drowning everything else out.

When all she has is the bottom of her own despair, she doesn’t know who she hates more – him, or herself.

Love hurts.

And it won’t be enough.

It won’t ever be enough to save her.

The realization feels like punch to her gut. They sting with a familiar ache that is bone-deep, rattling to her very core. Love hurts. It consumes. It burns me like wildfire and leaves nothing but scars behind.

She mulls over this, thinks it’s the only explanation and like a mantra, it fuels her temptation to flee. To run as fast as she can out of here. Her hand reaches for the entrance’s handle, hovering over it – shaking before she hastily yanks it open.

She knows what leaving means. It means she’s giving up, backing out of a promise they’ve made through dozens of late-night pillow talks and early morning kisses. The thought makes her flinch, but she can’t help it. She can’t help but fall apart – and every time, it gets harder and harder to put herself back together.

Shaking her head, she steps through the door – deciding she can’t pretend anymore. Pretending is the silent killer, it’s exhausting. Today she thinks, leaving actually means goodbye.

Then she hears him – his voice shattering her resolve for a moment, breaching the quiet comfort that her wayward thoughts were beginning to give her. He’s yelling her name before she feels his fingers digging into her flesh, gripping her wrist tightly as though she’ll disappear in front of him if he doesn’t.

She feels as if she’s already had; half-listening to his words as she turns to meet his broken stare. She wrenches her arm free; already burning with the familiar desire - an undeniable need to do more than just feel his touch.

No, she won’t listen to it. Not this time.

She can’t with all the jagged edges of her heart. She doesn’t want to cut herself on it’s broken pieces to put herself back together again.

“You don’t have to leave.” He’s saying all the right words, but they look all wrong. They sound all wrong. His eyes are all dark and angry – snapping with both hurt and confusion. But most importantly, beyond all of that – she can see how scared he is; she can practically feel his subtle tremble so close by her.

Good. She’s scared too.

She’s scared of what loving him as has done to them – has done to her. And every time they’ve hurt each other – it’s been harder to convince herself the scars are worth remembering. Every time she pushes him away, it’s been harder for her to come back from the edge of madness.

“Anywhere is better than here.” The words that leave her throat are harsh and flat. They seem to echo how frustrated she is on the inside. “I just need to get away for awhile - far away.” She fixes him with a cool stare, “I just need to be in my own head.”

I just need to be alone.

She doesn’t say it – but the words hang between them as easily as if she did.

Zig sucks in a ragged breath, blinking and unblinking as if he’s hearing things. He wants to kiss her – kiss the contorted pain right out of her. Except the moment he leans forwards, she freezes and leans back.

His eyes go wide, stricken with hurt that she swallows at the back of her throat. She feels his fingers reaching for her again – only until the last second when she flinches and shifts on her feet.

His hands land on her suede jacket instead. He tugs and pulls; eyes flashing with words he doesn’t dare to say. Then the words tumble out of his lips before he can catch them, a rush – a plea. A demand for forgiveness, a demand for her to stay. “Please don’t go.” His voice cracks, blending hurt and pain into a croak. “I love you Dia. For the love of god – please don’t go.”

Staring up at his pleading eyes; watching the light flecks of brown Dia wants to believe that this could be enough – that loving him will make her problems finally disappear instead of resurfacing every time she’s comfortable, every second she thinks she can be happy.

But it isn’t enough, is it? An insidious voice whispers in her head, deep inside – pushing through the surface from her nightmares; from the unmistakable darkness she has never been able to let go of. No, it can never be enough.

How much do they have to fight till she realizes their edges don’t fit together anymore?

Love hurts.

And Dia is tired of being hurt.

She swallows a lump she feels, lodged near her throat as she pulls out of his grip. She feels the ghost of his touch still burning through her jacket, through her core, She catches the hurt flickering inside his eyes as straightens her spine and steps back.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” he demands, eyes never wavering from her. They’re looking through and seeing too much, too much that she has always tried so hard to hide behind.

That’s the problem with letting someone in – you can’t always choose what they get to see. “I know you Dia, I know how you get. But I’m not going anywhere.” He steps closer, hands drifting by her shoulder to hold her in place. “I’m never going anywhere – even when we yell and argue. Even then.” His eyes search hers, never leaving her face. “Tell me you don’t love me and there’s no way for us to work this out. Tell me, and I’ll let you go.”

Staring into his eyes, she knows what he wants her to hear. He wants her to say yes – that there is nothing she wants more than to come back inside. He wants her to break down and cry in front of him – to tell him how much she loves him with every fibre of her, with every air she breathes. He wants her to say how much she needs him to be happy.

And she’s terrified of how right he is, terrified of needing someone that much – of him being her only purpose to keep going. No. She can’t keep calling what they have love, if she doesn’t even know how to love herself.

“I-I can’t.” Her words are stammered garble, hastily strung together in hopes of getting far away as fast as possible. She can’t think properly with him so close, without feeling the urge to break down again. She wants to keep it bottled inside - she wants the familiar feelings of loneliness to keep him away.

She feels his hands drop to his side and ignores the mild urge to step back into them.

“I can’t, because loving you isn’t enough. I used to think it is – but now I know better. It just can’t be. No, matter how much I want it to – no matter how much it hurts, I just can’t let it be the only reason I want to wake up everyday.” She looks away, hating the pain and hurt she sees reflecting back at her. “I can’t let you be the only reason I want to survive.”

She stumbles away then, slipping her hands inside her jacket, willing her feet to move away from him – away from the arms of the only person she’s ever loved more than her urge to hate everything around her.

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preservationandruin · 7 years ago

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Oathbringer Liveblog Part Five, Chapters 114-116

This part is titled New Unity, which I can only hope is a positive sign. Our perspectives are, somehow, an EVEN LONGER LIST THAN LAST TIME: The Knights Radiant, which could include up to like seven people; Ash; Navani; Adolin; Taravangian; Yanagawn (better known as Gawx); Palona; Vyre; and Wit.

Yes, that is--of course--nine viewpoints. Wonderful. Nine, just coming up again and again.

Dalinar meets the Mother and in the present-day starts gathering his resolve. Unfortunately, at precisely that moment in every single setting we’re near, everything goes directly to hell.

Flashback, because god forbid we catch up on any of those tantalizing plot threads left dangling throughout the Interludes and the end of the last Part

Dalinar wakes up in a Stormwagon. He’s clearly just had a Vision--one of the first--but hasn’t really realized what’s going on. We get that one of Dalinar’s soldiers--Felt--actually had visited the Nightwatcher before. Apparently, the Nightwatcher didn’t actually come for Felt--she doesn’t visit everyone. You go in right after dark, alone, because she doesn’t like groups. We get a flock of “chickens”--black, size of a fist, seem like they’re close to being Starlings to me.

The Nightwatcher lives in a valley that is exploding with plant life. All of it falls on top of itself, a wild overgrowth.

Dalinar heads inward, once night falls.

He could barely see in the darkness, but Felt had been right--trails revealed themselves as vines and branches bent away from him, allowing Dalinar entrance with the same reluctance as guards allowing an unfamiliar man into the presence of their king. He had hoped for the Thrill to aid him here. This was a challenge, was it not? He felt nothing, not even a hint.

GOOD. The Thrill is the last thing you want to be feeling, pretty much ever.

Wait. What was that? A sound different from scurries in the underbrush or vines withdrawing. He stopped in place. It was... Weeping. Oh, Almighty above. No. He heard a boy weeping, pleading for his life. It sounded like Adolin. Dalinar turned from the sound, searching the darkness. Other screams and pleas joined that one, people burning as they died.

Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. Dalinar tries to run, but the undergrowth trips him; the voices grow and he panics, summoning Oathbringer and trying to clear space.

Suddenly he saw himself in the Unclaimed Hills, fighting those traitorous parshmen. He saw himself killing, and hacking, and murdering. He saw his lust, eyes wide and teeth clenched in a dreadful grin. A skull’s grin. He saw himself strangling Elhokar, who had never possessed his father’s poise or charm. Dalinar took the throne. It should have been his anyway. His armies poured into Herdaz, then Jah Keved. He became a king of kings, a mighty conqueror whose accomplishments far overshadowed those of his brother. Dalinar forged a unified Vorin empire that covered half of Roshar. An unparalleled feat! And he saw them burn. Hundreds of villages. Thousands upon thousands of people. It was the only way. If town resisted, you burned it to the ground. You slaughtered any who fought back, and you left the corpses of their loved ones to feed the scavengers. You sent terror before you like a storm until your enemies surrendered.

This is what he sees for himself if he escapes alcoholism. Holy shit. The epitome of “do you sacrifice people for something great.” And Dalinar--the great man in Dalinar, the one fighting the horrible man--knows that that’s not what he wants.

And the Nightwatcher comes.

Hello, human. You smell of desperation. The feminine voice was like a hundred overlapping whispers. The elongated figure moved among the trees ringing the clearing, stalking him like a predator.

The Nightwatcher is a dark green mist, vaguely like a person crawling, long essence trailing behind her, distended limbs reaching out. The only detail is a face, vaguely feminine. Hands sprout from the mist that is her, thousands of them, holding Dalinar’s face.

What is it you wish of me? the Nightwatcher asked. What boon drives you, Son of Honor? Son of Odium?

That’s a very interesting way to refer to him.

The boon he asks for is forgiveness. She pauses, asking if he wants various things, including “a blade that bleeds darkness and cannot be defeated.”

Did...did she have Nightblood at some point? Because that sure sounds like Nightblood.

Nightwatcher keeps asking him, until something--speaking like Stormy does in ALL CAPITALS--interrupts her.

Hesitant, Dalinar turned and found a woman with brown skin--the color of darkwood bark--standing at the edge of the clearing. She had a matronly build and wore a sweeping brown dress. Mother? the Nightwatcher said. Mother, he came to me. I was going to bless him.

SHE.

Dalinar walks with her into the forest, the Nightwatcher walking beside them; she says she lets the Nightwatcher hold court because it helps her understand humanity. She tells Dalinar to ask Honor for forgiveness; he answers that he couldn’t find it there.

“I am doomed, then,” Dalinar whispered, stopping in place. He could still hear those voices. “They weep, Mother.” She looked back at him.

The first time she turns to look at him is when he calls her Mother.

This woman...she was more than he could see. Vines from her dress curled into the earth, permeating everything. In that moment, he knew that he was not seeing her, but instead a fragment with which he could interact. This woman extended into eternity.

She says she will not make him into who he can become, although she will take his “compulsions”--his alcoholism, I assume. And she says she will provide a “pruning,” a careful excision to help him grow. Which is exactly what she did. And she warned him that the cost would be high.

IT WILL DO ME WELL TO HAVE A PART OF YOU, EVEN IF YOU ULTIMATELY BECOME HIS. YOU WERE ALWAYS BOUND TO COME TO ME. I CONTROL ALL THINGS THAT CAN BE GROWN, NURTURED. THAT INCLUDES THE THORNS.

FUCK THAT PLAY ON THE NAME “BLACKTHORN” IS SO GOOD

Anyway. She warned him that she would take Evi from him as well--and Dalinar, realizing that he never deserved her, tells her to do it.

And when he crawls out of the forest, he’s forgotten. He assumes Evi was killed by assassins, and that his breakdown was due only to grief at her death. And he asks to find a copy of the Way of Kings.

Over to Dalinar in the present. This epigraph is from the Eila Stele, talking about the coming of humanity to Roshar.

The Voidbringers are coming toward Thaylen City, heading in on the storm. It hangs in the air over Thaylen City. The Alethi start pouring out of the city to fight them--Amaram’s troops, which doesn’t give me high hopes, but, you know, Amaram is good at killing people, so there’s that at least.

“You know, Cultivation warned me that my memories would return. She said she was ‘pruning’ me. Do you know why she did that? Did I have to remember?” I do not know. Is it relevant? “That depends on the answer to a question,” Dalinar said. He carefully closed the book atop the dresser before the window, then felt the symbols on the cover. “What is the most important step a man can take?”

Cut to Shadesmar. Shallan, Adolin, and Kaladin are uniformly worried, especially given that there’s a “large dark mass of living red light” is on the shore--probably the Everstorm. We haven’t seen it in here, yet. And then there’s six Fused.

Pretty bullshit odds. Shallan is pretty close to despairing. Syl and Kaladin are determined to get through. We head over to Jasnah, who has realized that Thaylen City is--probably--lost. Ivory also says that there’s a traitor, which is what she’s been suspecting.

Also, Jasnah in a scout’s tunic and trousers.

Listen I’m just a hopeless bi living my life here.

OH FUCK

A spren rose from [Renarin’s] back, bright red, shimmering like the heat of a mirage. A crystalline structure, like a snowflake, though it dripped light upward toward the ceiling. In her pouch, she carried a sketch of the proper spren of the Truthwatchers. And this was something different.

NO NO NO NO NO JASNAH TARAVANGIAN’S THE TRAITOR NOT RENARIN NO

Also, he’s in Pailiah’Elin’s temple--she was the one who led the Truthwatchers, if I remember right. Awwwh, Ren...

Venli is noting that Odium is very ready to spend lives--listener and singer lives, not only human lives. Timbre is more solidly getting “she” pronouns, here. Venli’s on the battlefield as an interpreter. The singers are...not happy with fighting. Some of them are fishers. They don’t, necessarily, want vengeance. They just want somewhere to call home.

The Fused says they have “the wrong Passion,” saying that the Alethi were much more willing to attack their own areas.

And then the air around Venli fills with ghostly spren--the Fused who haven’t chosen a body.

Most were twisted to the point that she barely recognized them as singers. Two were roughly the size of buildings. She could see these overlaid on the real world, but somehow knew they would be invisible to most.

And then Odium appears to her, as a white-and-gold Parshman. Because god forbid this pretentious asshole look normal. Still, the fact that he’s personally overseeing the battle...is bad.

Over to Teft, who is hiding. He’s feeling like he lets everyone down, every time he destroys himself he destroys all the people around him.

When he looked up, she was there. The woman made of light and air, with curls of hair that vanished into mist. “Why are you following me?” Teft growled. “Go pick one of the others. Kelek! Pick anyone but me.”

Teft, you might not have heard, but honorspren are really stubborn.

OH FUCK THE VOIDBRINGERS USED THE OATHGATE TO KHOLINAR TO ATTACK URITHIRU. FUCK. WHY DIDN’T I THINK THAT MIGHT BE A POSSIBILITY?? HOW DID THEY OPEN IT--

--the honorblade. Fuck.

I’m really hoping I’m wrong as we switch over to Navani.

Navani is saying they’re more likely to do well than Feh thinks--because Amaram is a renowned tactician. I...have less faith in Amaram’s abilities.

OH FUCK ME THERE ARE THUNDERCLASTS

Out in the field between the enemy troops and the Alethi ones, the ground shattered. Lines and cracks split the stone, and then an enormous stone arm pulled itself from the ground--the fractures having outlined its hand, forearm, elbow, and upper arm. A monster easily thirty feet tall pulled itself from the stone, dropping chips and dust on the enemy below.

AND THEN THERE’S AN EVEN STRONGER ONE IN THE WATER. FUCK THIS. You know how I mentioned Pacific Rim the first time a thunderclast showed up?? Yeah, getting those vibes again.

Great time for half of your Radiants to be stuck in an alternate dimension and the other half to maybe be fighting each other.

Odium recognizes the Fused and refers to them as old friends, although they call him ‘master,’ so it’s not a very equal friendship.

OH FUCK THE THING IS COMING OUT OF THE OCEAN

Something came surging out. Something primeval, something Venli had felt but never truly known. Red mist. Ephemeral, like a shadow you see on a dark day and mistake for something real. Charging red horses, angry and galloping. The forms of men, killing and dying, shedding blood and reveling in it. Bones piled atop one another, making a hill upon which men struggled. The red mist climbed up from the surging waves, rolling out onto an empty section of rock, northward along the rim of the water. It brought to her a lust for the battlefield. A beautiful focus, a Thrill for the fight.

FUCK.

Anyway, in Shadesmar, the “giant red spren”--so that was the Unmade, the thrill--vanishes, as do more and more of the army. Soon, the army is gone, leaving only the six fused. Kaladin thinks he can fight them as a distraction.

“Passion,” Odium said. “There is great Passion here.” Venli felt cold. “I’ve prepared these men for decades,” Odium said. “Men who want nothing so much as something to break, to gain vengeance against the one who killed their highprince. Let the singers watch and learn. I’ve prepared a different army to fight for us today.” Ahead of them on the battlefield, the human ranks slumped, their banner wavering. A man in glittering Shardplate, sitting upon a white horse, led them. Deep within his helm, something started glowing red.

A) Fuck me, this was smart of him. Sadeas’s army hates the Kholins, they want vengeance, and the Thrill--which they’ve been culturally conditioned to like--just hit them like a hammer

B) the dude in shardplate...that’s Amaram, right? A voidspren has...bonded with Amaram?

FINALLY, AN EXCUSE TO KILL HIM

A sketch of the Oathgate guardians. They’re incredible and I love them.

Cutting this here, just to get this out. More will be coming soon.

#oathbringer spoilers #stormlight archive liveblog #cultivation is that you?#shut the fuck up rayse #i love timbre #shit goes down #shadesmar road trip #god do i hate meridas amaram

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askdawnandvern · 7 years ago

Text

A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:26

First off, I want to apologize for being two days late posting this. I imagine you guys were sort of on the edge of your seats after last time, so making you wait longer probably sucked. The whole point of having a chapter buffer was if i got sick, I would still have something to post. But thanks to the poor weather being what it was, I was, and still am suffering a pretty bad cold. On top of that I had to have some stuff done today medically that'd I'd rather not go into. Sufficed to say, sitting at my desk and working was a very non-option.

So I missed the Monday post date, and for that I'm sorry. Here's the chapter you had to wait on. I hope you all like it. And don't worry, schedule is still the same. I'm not changing the post date to Wednesday now or anything. The Monday after next will see the next chapter go up. Until then, here's hoping you like this new chapter, and until next time, I'm going back to bed...

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Chapter Twenty Six: A Brief History of The Northern Roaropean Lamb

"When compared to other mammals rise to a civilized state, sheep and caprids in general were found to have crawled out of their caves significantly earlier than most. Long before the founding of Scottram, Irelamb, and The new Pridelands, Sheep had been subsisting in the form of small communities and cities states spread across the regions. Records of advanced farming tools and written texts have been found to go back nearly as far as the advent of the original Pridelands Empire, and it gave them a great deal of time to grow and refine their culture and practices as they approached nation status."

"Early sheep herds were actually surprisingly similar in structure to that of their wolf counterparts, although forgoing the alpha-beta hierarchy system. At the advent of sheep cultural norms, the herd was largely composed of family members, with the sire ram or ewe leading the herd. But sheep were largely less tribal earlier in their development, which lead to largely peaceful intermingling and trading with other herds. This would lead to the herd dynamic quickly shifting away from simply being made up of families, and expanding to outside herds and even other species of caprids in the interest or protection and convenience."

"This is where early sheep and wolf differed the most greatly. Caprids were generally more docile, and as such spent more time cultivating and perfecting the land they already held rather than forcibly expanding into new territory. But what they lacked in offensive war mongering, they made up for in defense. And this is why they open and inclusive nature of the herd system became a great benefit when it came to sheepkind, especially those centered in the burgeoning nation of Shcottram."

"Years of proxy wars against invading wolves had only proved to hone and embolden the herd mentality of sheep kind, more and more small herds combining their resources and arms in an effort to keep the wolves at bay. Naturally these increasingly larger and larger herd based clans would place their faith in the strongest warrior among them, looking to them as the herd leader. It was this style of herd structure that would lead to the Blackwool clan's rise to power, and the birth of Schottram as a unified country. Specifically Sean Blackwool, who would become the first king of Scottram upon it's creation in 954 A.P. Irelamb, the neighboring nation would see formation just six years later."

"Sean was a seasoned warrior who, in his years before rising to the status of ruler, would lead the sheep under his command to many glorious and seemingly impossible victories against the invading Norwulff forces. But the one that would earn him the favor and praise of every herd in the nation would be 'The Battle of Woolcrag' in 944 A.P. Sean's strategic planning, cunning, and exemplary skill in combat would see him lead his armies to the successful liberation of the town after ten years of wolf occupation. Word of Blackwool's greatest victory spread like wildfire, sung from village to village and herd to herd. And with it came the pleas and requests to join under Blackwool's herd and finally put an end to the wolf occupation of sheep lands. It would take a total of ten years, and numerous battles, but eventually every herd in the land would join Blackwool in his fight against the wolves, and elevate him and his family to the status of being the recognized leader of all the herds in the country."

"This of course saw the birth of Shcottram, In which Sean would declare every sheep who resided upon its shores as being one herd, as well as every wolf as unwelcome among them. And soon after the installation of the Blackwool family as the ruling class among the Shcotts, Blackwools armies successfully drove the last of the occupying wolves out of the nation, This of course wasn't the end of the Norwulff attacks, but never again would the invaders manage to hold any land on Schottish soil."

"The royal line would keep Schottram stable for many centuries. With each onslaught of attacks, (mostly coming from the Norwulves) being successfully repelled. Between the strategic planning of the Blackwool lords in regards to their armies, and many members of the family line leading the charges, kings included, attacks by the invading Norwulves were foiled at every conceivable turn. The Blackwool family, keeping in line with the legacy Sean Blackwool had left in his wake, considered themselves rams of the sheep of Shcottram. And so every male in the family was taught how to fight without exception. However the frequent Norwulff attacks kept the ruling Blackwools rather busy when it came to dealing with the economic needs and rule of law among the everyday Shcotts. And so it was left to the ewes of the Blackwool family to deal in the matters of diplomacy and the needs of the citizenry, especially the acting Queen. More often than not, the acting Queen would often find herself in a greater role as the face of the citizens of Shcottram, but the King's vigilant defense of Schottrams shores did not go unappreciated by the populace despite this."

"The Norwulff reformation caused great consternation and argument among the Blackwool Royal Court, as well as the residents of the nation as a whole. While the ruling herd in Irelamb seemed to be more open to hearing the pleas for peace with the new wolf nation out, the festering old wounds of the constant battles between groups kept Schottram on the offensive. Both the acting King and Queens remained unwilling to hear the Düclaw clan out on peace talks, that was until Delcan and Moira Blackwool took thier respective thrones in 1342 A.P."

"The newly crowned King had an even more distrusting and suspicious attitude when it came to the wolf's entreaty. In fact, the old wounds of the previous attacks, as well as Lesser Norwulff's continued attacks on the nation despite the Greater Norwulff's calls for peace left Declan eager to pay their old enemy back. He was one of the first of the line of Blackwools to call for an offensive stance rather than defensive one. That the time had come to bring the fight to the nation of wolves, to wipe them out, and ensure that sheepkind would never have to worry about their treachery ever again."

“Moira on the other hoof, believed that negotiation and mending old wounds were the key to moving forward as a species, for the sake of sheep and wolves alike. She believed that a full scale war would be nothing more than a fools errand, and would only end disastrously for both parties. This became the catalyst for the many arguments the couple, although it wasn't their first. According to the documentation left by castle guards and castle hoofmaidens close to the couple, they rarely spoke to each other in any manner other than professionally and coldly. There were rarely any affectionate moments between the pair, even after the birth of their sons they remained stoic and cold to one another. It is for these many reasons their short marriage was rumored to be an unhappy one."

"King Declan's attitude toward the wolves would prove to be his undoing however. Eager to get a jump on the unsuspecting wolves, the king put out an order to shore up every able bodied ram in the nation to prepare themselves for enlistment in the King's army. He planned to lead a fleet of 45 of Schottrams finest warships to the shores of Lesser Norwulff to exact what he felt was long overdue revenge for the wolves heinous crimes. Ignoring his wife's pleas to rethink the invasion, the King set off with his ships and nearly half of Scottram's males in 1345 A.P. But of course we all know how that ended, I more or less went over it in the chapter about Norwulff history. The ships never made it to the shore, swallowed by an angry sea while caught in a snarling winter storm. Not even a piece of the wrecked ships washed up on the shores of Lesser Norwulff, and thus the wolves never even knew anything about the supposed oncoming invasion. The Kings death left Moira to sit upon the Schottish throne alone, until her sons came of the proper age to take over the position of King in her stead. Moira's prediction had proven to be half true, in that the attempt at war had proven to be disastrous for the Schottish citizens."

"Now seated on the throne with a nation in chaos, Moira had to act quickly to repair the void left by the loss of so many able bodied rams to her husbands foolish endeavor. She would go on to announce to her subjects that the disaster that befell Declan and his army was an act of the gods, a powerful and painful warning that the time had come to end the bitter feud between sheep and wolf-kind. Some of the Schottish citizenry were vehemently against Moira's call for peace, but the overwhelming majority of sheep under Blackwool's rule respected and were willing to follow the Queens call."

"Schottram had suffered greatly for Declan's folly, and the prospect of making peace was more favorable than the possibility of losing even more lives while the nation was in such a critical state. Even more so, the possibility of finally putting an end to the dreary life of perpetual preparedness for war was an enticing prospect to the Schottish populace. Instead of living in constant fear and alert of Norwulff attack, always on guard for the next invasion, the Norwulves would now be the ones to guard the sheep."

"Queen Moira is quite an interesting and enigmatic figure. As well as being one of my ancestors of very high distinction, she was probably the most beloved ruler in all of Schottish history, even more so after the peace treaty was formed with the wolves in 1346. Many historic accounts of Moira describe her as a mammal of poise and grace that no Queen who had sat on the throne before had ever held, and those who wrote such statements could scarcely conceive a Queen in the future who could live up to her legacy. The air around her was said to fill those who looked upon her with renewed faith and confidence, and even her detractors couldn't argue against the wisdom and skill with which she managed the nation as a whole, with no King to aide her on top of it all. The strength and foresight she carried carving her a prominent and powerful role in the shaping of Shcottish History. Even today her portrait can be found on the ten buck note used as Schottish currency, as well as various churches and art pieces depicting scenes from her benevolent rule."

"However, details of the Queens personal life are few and far between, especially after her first meetings with the wolf ambassador Erik Düclaw. The Queen had kept sparse personal journals to begin with, and they completely stopped about a month after negotiations with Erik began. When concerns were brought up about meeting the ambassador alone, the Queen had been cited as brushing off said concerns off with a laugh. Apparently one of her guards accounts had described the Queen as mentioning that she was certain the meetings would go fine as she had dreamed that they would, as well as having dreamt of Erik specifically."

"Incidentally, aside from being the live-in ambassador, Erik was also made to be Moira's personal body guard despite the protest from the royal court and castle guard. Public accounts cite the Queens reasoning for the move as being a bid to instill confidence in wolves living among sheep, as well as a show of the Queens strength and resolve when it came to her beliefs. In the same way the Blackwool males fought along side their citzens, she was willing to risk her life in order to stand behind her decrees, at least in the eyes of the public it seemed."

"Even after the Queen turned control of the crown over to her son Declan the second, and retired to the royal estate to the north, Erik was bid to follow suit. While he was no longer the acting ambassador, Queen Moira insisted he remain her body guard until the end of her days despite more objections from her sons and the royal court. But the Queen once again justified these decisions as remaining firm on her stance about how well sheep and wolves worked together. Even though she would now remain out of the public eye, she refused to be seen as a mammal who says one thing, and does another."

"Reasons like these are the straws with which conspiracy theorists grasp at to point to the possibility of a secret tryst going on between the pair. Between the sudden absence in the Queens journals after Erik became a permanent fixture in Moira's life. That he was with her at all times, even so far as appearing in every portrait of the Queen post becoming her personal guard. There were even accounts from the night watch of alleged howling coming from the Queen's personal bedchamber in the midnight hours. Of course with no other wolves within close proximity to the castle, and the inability of mammals outside of the wolf species being able to read the type of howl being heard the watch chalked it up to dumb, functionless savage instincts.

"There was also Declan the second's short lived time on the throne, and the controversy surrounding his expulsion and the seating of his younger brother Roderick in his stead just four years later. Despite having been given the throne by his Mother without a struggle, Declan seemed to have a chip on his shoulder when it came to his Mother and her relations with Erik. Much like his Mother, his personal accounts are few and far between. But from the portions that he did write, it was clear the young king shared his Father's view when it came to wolves in general, and seemed to have a general disgust for his Mother's close relationship with Erik. Key phrases in his writings such as referring to his Mother's relationship to the wolf as an "unholy union." as well as an "affront to his Father's memory and legacy." tend to be the ones theorists tend to gravitate toward. But the most baffling turn was Declan's attempt to burn his Mother's Estate to the ground with the Erik and her inside without provocation. I mean, at the time Declan had already secured the throne, with no one to answer to other than perhaps his Mother's clout over the Schottish citizens. Was it simply to honor his Father's memory? To remove any dissent at the possibility of rolling back the Ram-Wolf pact? Perhaps a hatred of Erik specifically? Again the personal accounts are to few and far between to form an accurate account of the young King's reasoning."

"The plot was of course, a failure. Queen Moira and Erik Düclaw survived the blaze, despite half of the estate burning to the ground. It had apparently started in the newest addition to the estate, Blackwool Tower, a large windowless tower built once Moira had turned the throne over to Declan II, which was odd considering it was far from the Queen's living area. Despite the fact that no lives were apparently lost, the Queen was noted as being livid to the point of illness. Personal accounts of the guard staff and hoofmaidens had referred to her breaking down in tears on several occasions despite never expressing why. Needless to say, her anger and disgust fell at Declan immediately, and despite her turning over royal authority to the ram, she was able to easily rescind it in the face of the overwhelming evidence of his involvement in the arson attempt. Many of his personal staff held no loyalty for the new King, and had willingly confessed against him when faced with Moira and the Schottish public. Declan found himself imprisoned in a tower similar to the one he had burned to the ground shortly after being found guilty, and he would spend the rest of his days there while his younger brother Roderick took the newly evacuated throne."

“Instances like these do make it somewhat hard to completely dismiss such theories and notions about Schottam's Queen. Believers are also quick to postulate that the absence of the Queen's personal records and Declan the Second's after the Ram-Wolf pact are actually the fault of the Schottish Government. That officials and the current royal Blackwool descendants have buried the texts, in fears that confirmation of any relationship other than professional existing with Erik Düclaw would tarnish the Queens legacy. But whether it proves to be true or not, it seems we'll never know for sure.""I personally would like to believe in such a secret, clandestine relationship, having always been a hopeless romantic. But the idea that Vernon and myself were not the first star crossed lovers in my family line, and that our hardships were not only shared, but considerably more difficult to endure for the couple during the time. But I have yet to find any concrete clues to solidify it for me, despite my personal hopes. Perhaps if I find the time, I can do more research on the topic and revisit Moira's mysterious relationship in a later chapter, but for now I must press forward in regards to my family's history lest I get distracted from the overall goal of this book."

"Wolf integration in Shcottish society was slow going despite the overwhelming desire for peace amongst the sheep folk. Sheep remained wary of their new neighbors, and despite the desperate need for workers in a great deal of trades among Shcottish soceity wolves were turned away from most positions. The only exceptions were the role of peace keepers among the towns and cities, as well as positions in the Shcottish Army. This is where it is believed the association between wolves and positions of law and order really began. And even as the years went on, and the sheep became more lax when it came to the jobs available to wolves they continued to naturally migrate toward law enforcement and defense work."

"By the time the visionary leader King Richard the Lionhearted took the throne of the New Pridelands, the combined forces of wolf and sheep in the Shcottish army had repelled two incursions by the empire on the Southern Shcottish border. Proving just how effective the aide the Norwulves gave to the Schotts had ultimately been. At the time the nation had grown rather quickly, as had it's populace, and so these victories were nothing to simply shrug off. The New Pridelands had become a growing threat to Shcottish sovereignty, and without the aide of the wolves among them it is arguable that the nation would have remained independent."

"Luckily, Lionheart signified a changing of the guard in terms of the New Pridelands expansionist polices. The charismatic leader spearheaded a radical change of ideals, including phasing out the monarchy in favor of democratic rule, and the concept of co-operative exploration and shared ownership. Lionheart was very eager to find a new land where he could field test these ideas, and his plan would lead to the birth of modern day Zootopia as I mentioned in the section related to Norwulff History."

"While the Blackwool royals remained skeptical on the idea of phasing out monarchies, the concept of mutually beneficial co-operative exploration was somewhat appealing to them. Despite fears that Animalia was largely flat, the building pressure applied by the rebound of Shcottram's population created a great need to expand and find new resource supplies."

"While the population of Shcottram was adapting and growing comfortable with the wolves among them, the royals relationship with them seemed to grow increasingly bitter after Moira and Erik's respective passings. Despite all the benefits to the nation the wolf populace had brought, Moira's descendants almost refused to acknowledge that such changes had been the work of the new wolf migrants. When Declan the second took the throne, he was quick to make sure that no wolves were employed within the castle walls despite his Mother's stern condemnation of it. His son Donnan treated the wolf populace in Shcottram even worse, calling for the mammals to be taxed for simply choosing to live in Shcottram."

"However, to the public, the beneficial changes including wolves had made on their society was readily apparent to even the most uneducated among them, and as such disagreed with the proposed taxation. But the outcry became louder and more angry when Donnan began calling for undoing Moira's truce and expelling the wolves living among them. The wolf and sheep populace grew unruly and violent, and in response the king deployed his own army upon the most troublesome towns under his control to better keep the peace. However, his efforts would prove futile thanks to the work of his cousin Arthur Bellwether. A prominent public speaker, the sheep was found at the center of many of the unruly demonstrations, and the King's continued tyrannical action only garnered him enough public support for the staging of a violent coop against Donnan."

"With Donnan removed from power, and the throne assumed by Bellwether, the Ram-Wolf pact remained untouched. But with Bellwether's descendants, that coldness fostered for wolves and predators in general seemed to return and persist, and while nothing in direct conflict with the rights of Shcottish wolves ever came back into the laws of the land. The royals seemed averse to hearing the mammals concerns and looking after them as well as they did the sheep citizenry. Even under King Ewan, despite his willingness to join Lionheart's exploration of the mysterious western lands, his trust for the leader and predators in general remained bitter and strained."

"This would of course spread to Zootopia with the King's second son, Archibald Bellwether. And it would remain a consistent rhetoric in nearly every Bellwether that would hold political office after him, myself unfortunately included."

"No one is really sure why even after the change of hooves in the royal family, that the strange distrust and coldness in regards to wolves and predators seemed to return to the blackwool-bellwether line. But again, if one were to ask a conspiracy theorist, they would explain that the each ruling member of the bloodline was burdened with the truth in regards to Moira and Erik's affair. That living with the shame and the fear of exposure of that royal secret caused them to distance themselves from associating with wolves in any way. The more they appeared to disdain them, the less suspicion the public might have when it came to the Moira connection. But again, this is nothing that can be proven with any sort of hard evidence. And as far as Bellwethers go, when it comes to my Grandfather, my Father and me, we knew nothing about the alleged affair. At least I know I certainly didn't, and such information was never told to me."

"The events leading up to 'The Wolf War of the Meadowlands', and the subsequent aftermath is what saw the return of the public divide between the common sheep and wolf. The bloodshed and barbarism of the Native Canideans reminding the sheep populace of what their ancestors had always warned them that wolves were truly capable of. And while it was ultimately Leif's efforts to drive the Redclaws out that saved the county, Archibald had latched on to the fear and waryness of the local sheep and exploited it to fill the citizens heads with his own beliefs. The ram would feed into the rising anti-wolf sentiment, and even go so far as to expand it into including all predators in general. This left the caprid citizens more distrustful of their wolf neighbors than ever, and the wolves found themselves silently shunned and marginalized by the Meadowlands populace. Archibald's fear mongering was an attempt to set stage for how predators were to be looked at in this new world, and his take on sheep and wolf relations is largely what has persisted to this day in the caprid consciousness. But despite his efforts to denigrate wolves to the lowest echelons of society, they continue to find themselves in positions of protection and law enforcement. In fact it seems that when it comes to the overall perception of predators, the only thing Archibald's sentiments manage to construct was a hierarchy among the new world's predator classes. One that supported wolves and lions in higher roles in society while at the same time causing those predators to look down their muzzles at preds like foxes, racoons and rats."

"As for Shcottram as a nation, it remained under the archaic rule of a monarchy longer than any civilized society in historical record. The reign of the Blackwool-Bellwethers continued up until the early 1900s despite the other branch of their family in Zootopia allowing the district to be subject to a democratic vote since its inception. Today, the royal family still exists in Shcottram despite the nations now fully democratic government as a powerless entity with no real authority over the Shcottish citizenry. They exist as something of a tradition, a relic of cultural importance to the fabric of Shcottish identity. At most the members of the Blackwool-Bellwethers are akin to that of the famous actors and movie stars of North Mammalia. Making posturing speeches at public events, and hosting glitzy and glamorous ceremonies from their palatial castle estate. The most involvement the public has in regards to the family is paying for them to throw weddings and celebrations despite the fact the family has a near endless supply of wealth. But to the citizens of Shcottram, such celebrations are not just praising the Blackwools, but praising the rich history of Shcottram itself."

"Meanwhile the Bellwether family in Zootopia have been in and out of office since the city-state was founded. And though the faces may have changed, the anti-predator sentiment only seemed to worsen with each new Bellwether. Some believe this is why the Bellwethers would find themselves spending less and less time in office as mammalian society grew around and away from their primitive beliefs."

"Before my Grandfather, Ash Bellwether, there hadn't been a Mayor Bellwether in over sixty years. And almost as much time passed before I was elected to the lesser role as Assistant Mayor to Leodore Lionheart. Even from my perch in such a lowly position my poisoned mind was set on continuing my families legacy, thanks in no small part to the indoctrination and abuse I suffered during my youth. I schemed, and I planned, and I justified it to myself by buying into my families rhetoric full sale. And in the end I did more damage than any Bellwether who came before me. Despite coming to my senses, and even going so far as to prevent a catastrophe that followed the seed of my once heinous intentions, it will never be enough to properly make amends for my terrible actions."

"I don't think the future of politics hold any place for a Bellwether. The name is tainted, marred by the actions of myself and those who have come before me. And now, my choice in mate assures that I will be the last in the line of Zootopian Bellwethers. The name will die with me, and perhaps that is for the best."

Dawn let out a tired sigh as she scanned the final sentence once more.

"The name will die with me, and perhaps that is for the best." Dawn murmured to herself quietly. She was sure if Vernon ever read that particular passage he would pitch a fit. After all, the wolf had been one to argue just how important it was to keep her name even in a hyphenated form on the ride up to the Meadowlands in the first place. The wolf remained stubbornly set on not going through a caprid wedding ceremony unless he got to wear the name Hunter-Bellwether in exchange. The wolf believed she should be proud of her name, that it had come to represent that a mammal was not only capable of change, but even heroic after how she had helped save the city from her Father. Even she had begun to consider the idea after talking to her sisters on the ride out to the fair. The praise and warm wishes causing the ewe to begin to believe what Vernon saw in the name, and why keeping it was so important.

But it only took a few minutes in Dorian's study to remind her why she had grown to detest it so. And writing about her families 'illustrious' history had only managed to sour her further on the idea. Dorian was right, the ewe would never be able to truly make up for her wrong doing. The damage had sent ripples across the world around her, had wounded families and friendships in ways that were beyond her ability to mend. It wasn't as if she could simply go back in time and stop herself, to pull herself back from the brink of madness long enough to prevent the hysteria and chaos caused by her scheming.

No matter what good she could do now, the name Bellwether would remain synonymous with bigoted, speciesict ideologues, and at the very least the one good thing she could do at this point was allow it to die the death it deserved. Vernon may never agree with it, this she was sure of. But she knew the wolf loved her enough to ultimately give up on sharing last names should she remain firm on the idea. It wasn't a position she wanted to put him in, but it was necessary, at least to her.

'Knock, knock' A light rapping a the bedroom door drew Dawn's attention up from her laptop. Up until now she had been alone, taking the time Vernon spent being forced into dish duty to write the more boring but necessary portions of her book. She figured she would have more than enough time to finish the sections before the Hunter girls decided the time had come to turn in for the night, and checking the clock for a moment had proven that she had. In fact the ewe had managed to finish earlier than planned, leaving her puzzled as to who else had turned up for bed early.

"Dawn?" Came Vanna's voice from beyond the door. "Are you in there?"

Dawn let out a sigh of relief at the sound of the familiar tigress' voice. After everything that happened earlier in the evening, having to face Ada or Qali without a buffer would have made the already uncomfortable ewe even more uneasy. At the very least should Vanna bring up Dawn's transgression in the corn field, it would be done with tact and careful wording rather than bluntly bringing it up.

"Y-yeah, I'm here." Dawn replied, closing her laptop softly. "You can come in."

The door opened slowly, Vanna moving it with care as she slipped in to the large bedroom. The tigress was already in her pajamas, wearing a pink tee-shirt that said 'bad kitty' across the chest, and a pair of pants adorned with colorful yarn balls. It was almost enough to cause Dawn to laugh out loud, the colorful and cutesy outfit contrasting sharply with the tigress' looming and intimidating figure. Then again, Dawn knew better by now, at least if their midnight musical duet was anything to go by. Still the ewe couldn't help but crack a smile at the large feline.

"I was hoping to catch you alone." Vanna said, keeping her voice on the quiet side. "I wanted to talk to you before the other girls came up to bed."

Dawn's smile dropped slightly, the concerned tone in Vanna's voice conveying a gravity behind her words that told Dawn whatever she had to say was important.

"O-oh of course Vanna, is everything alright?" Dawn said as she placed her laptop aside, sliding it to the edge of the bed where the tiger now stood.

"Yes, I mean..." Vanna trailed off as she placed a paw behind her head and awkwardly scratched. She looked away from Dawn, seemingly unable to keep steady eye contact as she continued. "I mean if you are that is?" Vanna asked.

Dawn scrunched her muzzle in confusion. "Am I okay?" The ewe replied.

Vanna sighed, grimacing as she tried to focus her gaze back on the ewe.

"I mean, I wanted to see if..." Vanna shook her head. "If you spoke to Papa Hunter at all, like we had discussed?"

Dawn froze, her brow furrowing at Vanna's unexpected question. She hadn't expected the tigress to follow up on their conversation so soon. The ewe had already spent enough time dwelling on what had happened in Dorian's office while she mulled over the disappointing and disgusting history of the Bellwether families crimes despite having elected to bury it when faced with Audrey's overwhelming kindness and the prospect of destroying any enjoyment the ewe might be able to get out of the remaining weekend. Dawn had sort of assumed that Vanna simply wouldn't have followed up on it, instead waiting for Dawn to tell her about what happened whenever she had chosen to finally do it.

But now the ewe was faced with a dilemma. How could she lie to her new found sister about her meeting with the older wolf. Unlike Audrey, Vanna was trained in the same way Dori was, at least Dawn reasoned as much. If the ewe showed even the slightest hesitation or wavering in tone while crafting the lie she intended to tell, she was certain the keen eyed feline would pick up on it. On the one hoof, lying to Vanna could easily hurt their budding relationship, especially if she picked up on it. But telling her what had truly happened, what Papa Hunter had said about her, Zach and Dawn herself might cause all sorts of problems.

Even now Dawn wondered if Vanna knew the truth about why her transfer request to the North Meadowlands had been approved. Had Zach even told her that he had been shot just weeks before she joined the force? And if Vanna knew what Dorian had said about Dawn, would the tiger feel obligated to argue with the wolf? To fight on Dawn's behalf and damage yet another relationship in the Hunter family.

All these questions continued to swirl around the ewe's mind, making her more and more uneasy as she desperately tried to think of how to respond. She could feel beads of sweat starting to form on her brow as she began to wring her hooves nervously.

"Dawn?" Vanna's voice brought Dawn's attention back to the tigress. Already she had screwed up, taking long enough to think of a reply for Vanna to feel the need to follow up. The ewe had to act quickly now.

"After how Audrey had caught us..." Dawn said with a sharp exhale as she looked in the tigress' eyes. "After how our...picnic..." Dawn said trailing off, her voice wavering slightly as she tried to find the right words. "Ended, well...I didn't think it was a good idea anymore."

Vanna squinted slightly, placing a paw to her chin as she seemingly began to analyze Dawn. The ewe recognized the stare, having been on the receiving end of a similar one just hours earlier. The tigress was scanning the ewe for nervous twitches and subconscious tells, anything to prove to her whether Dawn was lying or not.

"Oh?" Vanna asked, suspicion rising in her voice.

"W-well I thought maybe I should just leave it be after talking to Audrey." Dawn lied through her teeth, cursing herself for once again stuttering at the start. Dawn offered a meek smile. " She told me to wait him out, t-that he would come around eventually."

Vanna raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms as she squinted down at the ewe. From what Dawn could tell, the tigress' only seemed to slightly doubt her. Her body language exuding uncertainty when it came to gauging Dawn's responses.

"Hmm..." Vanna said before easing into a seat next to the ewe. The weight of the feline pressing against the mattress caused such a deep impression that Dawn found herself pulled closer to the big cat despite her best efforts. The tigress placed her paws on her lap as she let out a tired sigh.

"You know, if anything happened, I'd want you to be able to tell me right?" Vanna said, her tone laced with concern.

Dawn felt the guilt start to bubble up within her stomach as Vanna spoke. The genuine concern in her voice tugging at Dawn's heartstrings almost immediately.

"I mean, I know we haven't known each other long." Vanna continued. " I mean we're already calling each other sisters but..." Vanna paused, scratching the back of her head again. "I know we're still sort of getting used to each other."

Dawn gave a soft nod, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat as quietly as she could.

"I don't know what exactly has gotten into Pa. But I don't want you to think I'm just going to stand by if he does anything out of line." Vanna sighed, placing a paw on the ewe's shoulder as she looked her way. Vanna's eyes shone with concern as she attempted to meet Dawn's gaze. "If he hurts you in any way, I would want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me."

The guilt was now weighing heavily on Dawn's heart as she listened to the feline's plea. Vanna truly did see her as a sister, and was set to do what she felt was the sisterly thing to do should Dorian act out of turn. She wanted nothing more than to help. But Dawn knew she had to keep up the lie. She had already done enough damage to the Hunter family, and she couldn't bear to do anymore.

"I would." Dawn murmured. "I-I swear."

The two were silent for a while, the awkward atmosphere filling the ewe with deeper dread and discomfort as she prayed for the tigress to simply accept her lie.

"You would?" Vanna asked, breaking the silence.

Dawn's response was immediate, as if she had seen the question coming a mile away.

"Of course!" Dawn said with a weak chuckle, flashing the tigress as genuine of a grin as she could muster despite herself. Even with her best efforts, the ewe couldn't manage to meet the large feline's gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time.

The tigress lowered her eyebrows, clearly unimpressed by the ewe's attempts at earnestly. Dawn could tell in Vanna's dull glare that there was no more doubt in her eyes that she was hiding something.

"Dawn." Vanna said firmly, her eyes tightening into slits as she grimaced.

A loud barking laugh suddenly broke through the tension, pulling Dawn's focus away from Vanna's interrogation to the entrance to the bedroom. The door had flung open revealing Ada standing proudly in the wooden frame. She was wearing a baggy pair of shorts, and a sleeveless tee that were a matching shade of blood red. Emblazoned across the front of the shirt was the white image of some sort of canid skull that Dawn could only assume was that of a hyena, with two bones crossing over one another behind it. She also seemed to be wearing some sort of fluffy white and purple cape draped around her neck.

"The party has arrived ladies!" Ada let out another cackle.

"Woo!" A voice chirped from seemingly nowhere. As Dawn searched for the source, her eyes fell back on Ada's odd, plushy cape. It took the ewe a moment, but as it suddenly dropped to the floor Dawn realized it hadn't been a cape at all, but rather it had been Qali. The arctic fox had been hanging from Ada's neck, and was now bouncing in her step as she made her way into the room in little more than a oversize purple tee-shirt and a pair of matching panties.

"Ada! Qali!" Dawn chirped, relieved that their sudden arrival was enough to quash any further probing from Vanna.

"'Evenin' squirt! How was your night?" Ada cooed teasingly, raising and lowering her eyebrows in a playful manner. "Cause from what I heard youse had a lotta fun."

Dawn immediately blushed, slapping her hooves over her muzzle in her best effort to cover it up.

"I...I..." Dawn stammered.

"Ah, dat's a yes!" Ada said with a grin as she made her way over to the nearest empty bed. With no hesitation the large mammal threw herself onto the bed, bouncing on the mattress as she came to rest in a lounging position. Leaning a paw on her chin, the hyeness regarded the ewe with a mischievous smile.

"Well c'mon lamb cakes, spill it. I want to hear all da juicy details!" Ada let out another barking laugh.

"W-well..." Dawn muttered, tapping her hooves together nervously.

"Howdy ladies." Once again Dawn's attention was drawn back to the bedroom entrance to find Malcolm standing in the doorframe. The pudgy wolf was dressed in baby blue pair of insulated underwear, monogrammed with his initials. The one piece garment seemed slightly undersized, as a good portion of the wolf's wrists and ankles were exposed, and the fabric seemed to strain around his pudgy belly. It was clear the wolf's PJ's had once been fitted to a slimmer wolf, but Malcolm had elected not to update his garment with the change in weight. The wolf had a tan, worn looking pillow clutched tightly against his side.

"Good evening Malcolm." Vanna replied as the wolf made his way into the room.

Dawn raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"W-wait, I thought Audrey separated the boys from the girls?" Dawn asked, looking to Vanna.

"That's only sorta true." Malcolm cut in as he sat down on another empty bed. "It's more about keepin' the couples separated." The wolf placed his pillow on the mattress, and proceeded to fluff it. "And me and Xavi bein' couples, well she had to figure out somethin'."

Ada chuckled. "Yeah, he couldn't stay wit da boys, dat would be like a buffet o' hunky wolves for 'em."

"So we made him an honorary Hunter girl!" Qali chirped, now bouncing on her mattress.

Dawn smirked, doing her best to suppress a chuckle.

"H-he's a Hunter girl?" Dawn bit her lip as the urge to giggle pressed against her teeth.

"Darn tootin'" Malcolm replied, leaning forward on the bed. The wolf idly kicked his feet in the air as he face the other girls. "Even got me a nickname and everythin'."

Dawn looked up at Vanna in a mixture of surprise and amusement.

"Really?" Dawn asked.

The tigress gave a short and simple nod. "Yes, we call him-"

"Butterbuns!" Qali snorted, idly playing with her tail as she stared up at the ceiling.

That was all Dawn could take before a giggling snort slipped free of her muzzle, Dawn did her best to close her muzzle with her hooves, but the giggling continued regardless.

"Butterbuns?" Dawn snickered. "H-How'd he get th-that name?" Dawn choked through her giggling.

The russet wolf's ear sagged slightly as a blush played across his muzzle.

"W-well it's sorta...I mean..." Malcolm stuttered awkwardly, poking his index fingers together as he looked away from the group.

"Let's just say I overheard him and Xave talkin' about a wild night involvin' sum budda." Ada said with a mischievously grin as she eyed the increasingly embarrassed red wolf. "And da name sorta....stuck." Ada let out another barking cackle.

Dawn felt a blush creeping on her own muzzle as she processed exactly what the Hyena was hinting at.

"But dat's old Buddabuns story to tell, for now lets get back to da topic at paw!" Ada shifted closer to the foot of her bed as her attention zeroed back on Dawn. "So enough stallin', I wanna hear about how you made ol' Puppy howl!"

Dawn's blush intensified as she shrunk into her shoulders. The ewe found herself skirting away from the attention, shimmying up to the head of her bed inadvertently.

"W-well I don't thi-"

"Leave her alone Ada." Vanna interjected, rising to Dawn's defense. "If she's not comfortable talking about it then you shouldn't pressure her."

Ada scoffed. "Ah c'mon, I ain't gonna rip on ya too hard for it." The hyena chuckled "Besides you ain't the only one here whose broken' dat rule." Ada grinned widely.

Dawn raised an eyebrow curiously. She had heard Vernon mention something like that earlier, and Audrey had more or less implied to the truthfulness of the wolf's statement, but in her emotional state she had barely even registered the statement. Now however...

"Wait..." Dawn said, moving away from the head of the bed as the hyeness peaked her interest. "Do you mean to say that you...?" Dawn trailed off, tapping her hooves together nervously as she found herself unable to finish the sentence.

Ada snickered. "Pft, of course not, I'm like da only on here who hasn't!" Ada leaned her head against her paw again. "Not for Yuri's lack a tryin'." Ada placed her paws under her chin before playfully batting her eyelashes. "I'm a classy goil."

Dawn turned her attention to Qali and Malcolm, both of whom seemed to be sharing an uncomfortable blush. With Dawn's eyes now fixed on them, the two produced weak smiles.

"Yeah, I'm afraid it's true." Malcolm said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"Same, me and Trenny totally did it here." Qali added, with considerably less hesitation.

Dawn placed a hoof over her mouth in an attempt to stifle another rising giggle. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. That not only had she not been the first to break the House rule, but was now placing third overall. The previously shameful and embarrassing situation was starting to seem significantly more of a trifle now that she found herself among equally guilty members of the Hunter family.

"So you and Vanna are the only ones who-"

"Pft..." Ada shook her head. "Just me Fluff, I'm da only one who actually respects Ma Hunter's house."

Dawn blinked in surprise as Ada's words registered.

"Then...that would mean..." Dawn trailed off as she turned her attention back to the large, stoic cat sitting on the end of her bed. The looming tigress now seemed remarkable small as she cowed under the sudden attention. There was no way that Dawn could even begin to conceive of what Ada was implying, but the tigress' body language was all too telling.

"Vanna?" Dawn uttered as she raised her hooves to her mouth in shock.

The tigress only glanced at the ewe for a moment before turning away, but the blush that was radiating off her muzzle was blinding.

#Zootopia #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #dawn bellwether #fanfiction #furry #ask blog #wasted time #fan character

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