#as usual 'is this autism or just depression'

[transmandrake]

Feel like face blindness is underestimated as a thing that Completely Fucks Up your ability to socialise and make friends, especially when its combined with time blindness.

Want friends but cant recognise people and have no idea when you last talked to someone?

The only way you can do that is to be in a situation where the same people show up in the same place at the same time, or/AND where said people approach you first and frequently enough to where you can figure out a way to find them that doesnt involve needing to know what they look like.

Oh, you already did that? Well now you have to actually remember they exist and contact them. Regularly. And pretend you care. You wish you did.

Even worse if you're depressed or otherwise emotionally suppressed naturally or otherwise. As a lot of autistic people are. Its not at all surprising no one makes an effort to hang out with someone who never recognises them, never contacts them, and if they do has nothing they want to say and has no response to anything you do or say, and shows no sign they even like you at all.

But people are still really cool. Wish my brain actually wanted anything to do with them sometimes. Would be nice.

[existencebringsonlypain]

not to self-diagnose but have you guys heard of alexithymia?

[katsy-kitty]

I live in constant fear of being annoying af

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I don't know if it's my brain subconsciously going 'We're so fucking tired of your current obsession/coping mechanism, can we PLEASE MOVE ON ALREADY!?', but sometimes while I'm enjoying listening to/reading about/'researching' my current obsession/coping mechanism (usually a band, like right now - for the past year and a half), I'll have a moment every once and a while where I think about it, 'This is so fucking stupid, and it's so stupid that it makes you happy. You don't even talk to or engage with anyone about this so WHO FUCKING CARES?!' and I get really, really depressed for that moment. Even though I try to think critically about those thoughts to stop them from making me depressed, they usually do manage to make me hate my obsession or be ashamed of it for at least a day. And those are always rather dark days for me, because usually it's whatever I'm obsessed with that gives me at least an hour or two every day where I'm EXCITED to be alive to engage with it, and if I don't have that, then I'm not excited about anything, and therefore I don't think that day is worthwhile enough to exist through. So I don't know what to do about those thoughts beyond thinking critically about them [to stop them from dissuading me from my obsession], because even when I do, they still usually manage to 'win' for at least a little while.

[mrfoox]

Everyone at work: omg welcome back, how are you? Is it OK?? Hi!!!

Me: o:

[landofgay]

me at 15: I think I have ADHD and autism and ocd and bpd and and and

me at 17: nah I was being silly I don't really have most of those things. maybe ADHD.

me now at 22: yeah no I have ADHD and autism and ocd and bpd and

[sinfulforrest]

gehhh I can feel my brain starting to turn pretty fucky wucky and I would really prefer to not have that happen again cause it was really bad last timeee

[oddogoblino]

Man I call smth I do as a sign I'm just a silly little dumdum but then I see other people doing the same things and calling it their [insert mental disorder or illness] quirks and I just have to wonder

[indigodawns]

.

[the-world-is-treating-me-bad]

I’m only 23, why does my body hurt so much all the time! I am going to fistfight god why am I multiply disabled to the degree that I can’t work, and even past that to the degree where I can’t even do banal everyday things that make me happy and improve my general living situation! AUGH.

[yoohyeon]

Not gonna lie guys I feel pretty depressed right now so I don’t feel like coming back soon 😭 I am not deleting this account it’s never gonna happen, but I need a break right now, even tho I miss you all so much 🥲 Ily all and I hope you are happy and healthy 💕

Please use my tag for your content so I can reblog them all whenever I come here for like 5 minutes bfksbd -> #Korimilook!

You can follow my Insta I post pets pics mostly -> alex_Korimi

[boomerang109]

me: my new meds are working my new meds are working my new meds are working if i just keep going going going going going, i’ll be happy, i’ll finally be okay, this time it’s gonna work, it’s gonna be okay.

me: is still lonely and overwhelmed and sad because meds and healthy coping skills and friends are still not enough

[chisatowo]

I feel so conflicted everytime I see autistic Kanade hcs cause I wanna be like so true bestie but y'all gotta stop just listing her depression symptoms when chosing reasons </3

[circesoracle]

wanting to finish and post the next chapter of Eternity's Embrace vs. knowing that poor engagement would only exacerbate my already critically damaged mental health

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)