#as possible-- i do that many replies in like a week now LOL!

[darehearts]

i wish i could temporarily summon my 2016 version to fill up my vacation queue lightning fast  🤧

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[zombiedumbie]

heart-shaped box

hi everybody! i'm back with posting stuff. i finished my final paper (i still need to make a presentation, but that's the easy part), this paper made me tired of writing, so I didn't post this before, sorry! and i'm having quite a week lol (just for example, one of the things that happened to me was that i had my scalp sutured!)

~1.2k words

from this post. a lots of fluff, A LOT, TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF. no use of pronouns. organs (heart). mentions of Law's backstory and light novel.

Hey, Cora…

Law's slender fingers hovered over your chest with the same delicacy he would use to sheath the blade of his own sword with the thin blue layer of his ability. He kept it at a reasonable distance, as if trying to sense the vibration of your pulsating heart in the air. The only thing breaking the silence in the room was his breath, but your heartbeats raced into your eardrums, making the place sound louder than it should.

Both of you sat cross-legged, facing each other in a room separate from the rest of the… guests.

Law wanted it to be just you and him, no one else. You were outlaws, without the right to a traditional marriage, whatever was traditional for both of you; that's why he wanted to do it still in Wano, away from the eyes of the world.

The marriage that usually involved you, your partner, the Government, and God would this time be confined between the two of you. But you insisted; after all, you wanted to share this joy with your friends, and with Wano closed, there weren't many risks of this information leaking.

"Don't you think this happiness should be just between you and me?" Law lifted his hat and scratched his head, looking seriously at you.

"Don't you think we'll have other kinds of happiness that will be just between us?" With your response, he only hid his eyes behind the brim of his hat.

Law must have been worried about the possibility of the Straw Hat crew showing up and ruining everything. In the end, he agreed, but on the condition that the two of you had this moment alone.

You took his wrist with both hands and pulled his hand towards you, your fingers touching the kimono while his palm rested on your chest with hesitation.

"Law…"

"Are you sure?" He murmured and lifted his eyes from your chest to your face; that golden gaze was unwavering, covered with a layer of uncertainty, though. His fingers trembled, perhaps out of insecurity or the weakness of removing his own heart.

You didn't say anything, just pulled him into a kiss; your thumb stroked just below his eyes, the skin warming under your digits with each second you kept your lips pressed together. That was a perfect confirmation for him. When you separated, you smiled at him and turned your back to Law.

"You already took yours", he laughed lightly.

"Not as if it's difficult to put it back", he replied, and you looked at him over your shoulder. "Room."

Law tilted you slightly down; his arm was around your torso, and his open hand was on the upper part of your chest to hold you. You embraced his arm and took a deep breath, letting your body relax. "Are you ready?" He asked, the phalanges of his fingers stroking your back calmly; you nodded and closed your eyes.

"Mes", he whispered and tapped the bottom of his hand on your back, on the left side. You felt your body weaken before the light blue box fell from your chest; he was skillful in catching your heart with the hand that was on your back.

You gasped for air; Law sat you upright as your body adjusted. That, in the hands of your fiancé, beating faintly, was your heart, out of your chest, right in front of you. The idea was so absurd that you would refuse to believe it if you didn't know about Law's powers and hadn't seen them before.

You lowered your kimono and felt your chest; there was now an empty, square space, open; you felt like you could pass your hand through it, but you didn't want to test it due to the nauseating sensation of just feeling the hole.

"Are you okay?" He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder, his eyes once again staring at you with the same rigidity; your gaze fell to your heart in his hand. You just nodded.

Law nodded too and placed your heart on the small table next to you, right next to his, on top of a cloth. You sighed, watching the two hearts beating at different rhythms, slightly different in size, but still, two hearts.

They were fragile but valuable, pumping the blood that magically flowed through your veins, even outside your bodies; it was even a bit mesmerizing to watch them, but Law didn't seem very surprised, after all, he had seen at least a hundred of them.

Law gently picked up his own heart, placing it in the palm of his hand. He turned it as if he found the best position, something you didn't think would matter, but he was a perfectionist, so you didn't bother saying anything. Your mouth went dry when you swallowed, and he approached, his eyes on yours again, looking for any sign of hesitation to stop immediately.

"Ready?" He asked in a whisper, and you were so excited that you just nodded.

The man took a breath and exhaled with deliberate slowness, his hands approaching your chest carefully. The small light blue box holding the heart fit so perfectly into the hole in your chest that you wondered if that wasn't yours; he stopped halfway, looking at you.

You responded with a smile, enough to remind him that this was as symbolic as exchanging rings and could be undone as easily; but you still accepted his idea without even asking questions, without asking for a ring or laughing at his idea—a smile enough to remind him that you understood all the symbolism and importance of this and that you accepted who he was, no matter what. With that, he finished pushing the box into your chest, closing the hole and restoring the skin as magically as it was removed.

The sensation was strange; it was like having two hearts in the same place. You could still feel your own heart pounding frantically, while you also felt Law's heart inside the chest, beating against your ribs, settling against your lung, beating as rapidly as yours, not in the same rhythm, but in the same frequency.

"T-This is… funny", you said with a smile, your hand on the place where Law's heart now resided.

With trembling hands, you held the organ ripped from you, beating rapidly against its confinement; the small light blue capsule was somewhat gelatinous and a bit smooth, seemed very malleable, but at the same time resistant.

"Relax", Law whispered to you, the corners of his lips curving upwards gently. "Let me help you", he asked, adjusting the small box in your hands, turning it, pointing to the left side. "These are your right atrium and pulmonary artery, they should be turned to your left, so they will fit correctly", he pointed as he spoke, and you just nodded.

With the tips of his fingers under your hand, he guided you to the hole in his chest, where the box fit perfectly. When you looked at him, he was smiling, not the same smile he gave when he was boasting or teasing someone, it was a genuine smile of happiness, one that you saw a few times but loved every time.

You felt like crying when you fitted the box containing your heart in the place that would reside for the rest of your life, where you lived for so long, in the core of the person you loved the most. When the skin covered the hole in, now, your husband's chest, you felt as if you were receiving the most intimate hug you had ever received—and could never receive again.

You hugged him, feeling the warmth of your tears warming your face; Law also cried silently, but unlike the tears of cold nights, there was a warm feeling in his chest, maybe from the new location of his heart, but the joy you felt was genuine.

His head rested on your shoulder, you felt his heart gradually calming down in your chest as he enveloped you in a warm hug, pulling you into his lap.

Law could still feel the cold of that night, how the snowstorm blurred his vision, the sound of the lines cutting the ground, how humid that chest was. He felt like he had spent all the years that followed trapped in that memory, walking through the forest, crying desperately while looking for the nearest town. However, in recent times, the snowstorm seemed weaker.

Until he reached the nearest town, right when Doflamingo finally hit the ground. When he found himself comfortable in the bed of a kind stranger, he finally understood the reasons for his savior. And when he drank that warm soup after years of hunger, his heart was finally at home, protected by your ribs.

"Law…" you whispered. "I love you."

Your now husband (husband!) put his hands on your shoulders and pulled away from you a little, so you could see his face; there was a smile so wide that his eyes closed, and you could only smile back at the sight. "I love you."

… I'm home.

[eamour]

Hi i don't know if you'll reply/repost this ask but i really believe what i have to say is needed to help people in the manifestation community i am only sending this to you because you are one of the few active ones with a decent following that can get the word out..

The amount of complications people in this community have brought upon themselves is just infuriating and annoying the amount of creators/blog writers that come up with something new every week are just deceiving and preying on people who want to have a better life if you care i hope you'll post this.

Lies and overcomplications like;

'You shouldn't feel lack' 'don't focus on the 3d' 'know that you have it and go on with your life' 'this is the only way you can manifest' 'don't try to affirm or visualize it won't work its just endlessly affirming' 'feel it know' the amount of 3d and 4d 'live in imagination' is all a bunch of bs what Neville said is not the final! And you all seem to forget that

You can do all that and still get what you want sure! you can manifest this way too but why overcomplicate it?

(Yes there is a possibility that spreading this misinformation may not be necessarily intended to cause harm and might be just a misunderstanding from bloggers as well but it still causes to harm to those who are vulnerable and are just wanting to better their life and learn about manifesting)

None of this matters you are the only one who makes yourself manifest and there are many ways and you can use any way/method the problem on tumblr is people push only one way no you don't need to be fulfilled in imagination or 'know you have it and shut up in order to manifest sure Neville found a good way but its not the only way but the amount of people here who push this as if it's the only way and say if you don't do this you will never manifest are fcking playing with people's time and energy! i'm here to root for how far visualization affirming and robotic affirming goes,just for the average person its just such a quick and easy and 'failproof' way to 'get you desires' you don't need to hate the word 'get it' or something like that you don't have chase after knowledge or understanding to 'finaly manifest', when i went back to watching sammy and just affirming with no care about believe the thoughts no care about things like 3d or 4d no care about fulfilment or doing it to get it or anything like that...I've been carefree i don't worry at all...we are always learning about life and spirituality but you don't need an awakening or some sacred knowledge to manifest

You can read these posts that helped me but please no more,thats it no need to scroll and scroll and search for an answer

You don't need to read it all throughly just get the main idea you're good (most of them are short)

https://www.tumblr.com/imperfect777/744087420843245568/stop-scrolling-on-tumblr-twitter-pinterest-etc?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/miracledarling/715265433528320001/the-key-to-manifesting?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/sp0iledprincess55/744703729957257216/100-proof?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/dreamsintoreality111/672119540555153408/hey-do-you-prefer-to-change-appearance-through?source=share

My tips and experience..

All this time after being kinda obsessed with the void state (don't even get why people renamed the i am state by Neville lol) trying all things but just being lazy giving up restarting and going back to the old way of thinking, thinking 'why i fail' but now looking back and realizing i just got distracted and stopped never persisted .... now i realize how easy it is but what tumblr was doing was just discouraging me all along so many people lied or were misguided and said 'don't endlessly affirm just decide' implying if you try affirming you'll do it endlessly and never have what u want.. and so i listened....i used to watch sammy after a few videos last year i joined tumblr for a few 6 months at some point i was just reading things which have already been said and read..so i quit and decided to delete tumblr to just actually apply because reading the same thing over and over is no use...i'm now watching sammy ingram again so this is what i vouch for, affirming and thoughts watching sammy ingram (if just deciding or knowing seems like its not for you sammy ingram is great and in my opinion if i also just know or decide its mine then by affirming aren't i just reminding myself..'knowing' & 'deciding' in a way too?) again sammy joe dispenza is more helpful compared to tumblr over 6 months... i have logged back after a month typing this rn to help people and will delete my acc today even the creators i used to follow haven't posted in weeks and i urge people to leave tumblr after a certain point please live your life.

posting this for everyone who is currently overcomplicating the law and beating themselves up for not "doing it right". ♡

i want to add something: you can believe in all of these things (such as "feeling it real" instead of "affirming to get") and if it works for you, that’s good! that’s quite literally the law. but if it’s the opposite for you, if you think that it’s too much work and you would rather robotically affirm to get your desire, then do that.

i have seen both sides on tumblr and twitter, and they are both successful. it’s up to you what you want to make work for yourself!!

[plscallmeeren]

C A U S E F O R A H O W L E R

Hermione Jean Granger x Reader

Request: yes @JulzLovDraco4Eva

Summary: you've been friends with the trio since first year (You, being Draco's twin sister, sorted into Gryffindor...... ouch) and obvs ur parents don't approve. You've been hiding the fact that you've been dating Hermione for two years now. It's the day before battling Voldemort lol

Warnings: Swearing; allusions to sex; family disowns child

Word Count: 1.9K+

You stared at Draco, groaning when he wouldn't back down. "Oh, come on!"

"Father said I should keep an eye on you, so I will."

"Well, since you like taking his words literally so much - he said an eye. Not both, at all times, relentlessly and to the point of murder with motive."

"You're so dramatic," he scoffed, crossing his legs formerly on the bench opposite you. Beside him, Blaise snickered, nibbling absently on his jacket potato.

"Priss," you spat back. "Don't know why father thinks your 'keeping an eye on me' will do any good, anyway..."

"I don't know, to protect you?" he deadpanned, as if this were blatantly obvious.

"You're a pussy, Draco. And I'm three times as good as you at Charms and DADA."

"That, my dear friend, is definitely true," Blaise added helpfully, smiling at Draco as he glared.

"Okay, well, on that note, I'm off," you announced, standing up briskly.

"Well, I suppose that means I'm off, too," your twin replied, trying to stuff as many beans down his throat as possible before he had to go.

"Don't be stupid. You're not finished, and I need to go to the bathroom, anyway."

"Yeah, but-"

"What are you gonna do? Guard the door? Or are you going to join me? We can go to the haunted one, if you want. I know Myrtle loves you-"

"Fine! Okay! I'll meet you at the courtyard after, alright?" he retracted quickly, throwing up his hands.

You only grinned, taking even prouder strides when you heard him mutter 'I'm never finding her again, am I?' to Blaise.

Walking the corridors, you could feel your shoulders sagging, your fingers fidgeting with the fabric of your robe. It had been a long week. A long month. Maybe a long year. You felt like crashing into bed, Hermione in your arms, doing nothing for days and only really getting up to cook something for her.

You could picture it perfectly: A bed the size of a small room, the two of you surrounded by books that you'd read to each other as the record player lazily hums 'San Tropez' by Pink Floyd. A week spent fucking, eating home-cooked, Mediterranean food, reading, talking, fucking again.

But that was a dream for another life. Maybe there was still hope for it sometime else - a time far removed from war, from exams, from your goddamn father.

"Password?" the fat lady asked coldly.

"Flobberworm," you murmured, stepping through the round door immediately after she swung open.

"There you are!" Harry's voice surprised you inside. "We were wondering whether you had relocated to the dungeons for good now, given Malfoy's insistence on-"

"Oh, shut up," Ron interrupted, slapping his shoulder. "She's tryna get away from him, not meet his fan club."

"Right. Glad to have you back."

"I've missed you," Hermione said sweetly, throwing a leg over your own as soon as you sat down.

"Get a room," Ron complained, grimacing. He had dealt a deck of Exploding Snap and was looking very unhappy about his own cards.

"And here I was thinking you'd turned over a new leaf of empathy," you sighed, wrapping an arm around Hermione's shoulders.

"Yeah, right. Ever since Hermione called me a teaspoon, I thought I'd give up."

"Room for improvement is no reason to forgo emotion entirely. In fact, I'd argue the fact that it bothers you shows that you already have."

He scowled, making a ridiculously bad move to top things off. Harry grinned, giving you a thumbs up.

"Hey, you okay?" your girlfriend asked after a moment, in which your sprightly face must have slacked. "You look a bit... worse for wear."

"I'm fine. Just tired of my bodyguard, that's all. Pretty sure he has less muscle mass than me, though, so I should probably come up with a new title."

"'Tis true," she agreed. "But still... you wanna go for a walk? Just the two of us? We can steal Harry's cloak until we're out of your brother's way?"

"You can what?" Harry piped up, failing glaring at you because of how miserable he was making Ron.

"Well, can't we?" Hermione asked testily, looking unimpressed.

"Of course, I just wish you'd ask first."

"Well, here I am, asking."

"Yes, you're welcome to take the sole material inheritance I have received from my father, also my insurance for survival should one Dark Lord choose to search for me this fine afternoon-"

"In that case," Hermione smiled, "I'll be glad to take it off your hands." The two friends stared at each other momentarily before she took your hand, dragging you up to the boys' dormitories.

Twenty minutes later you were walking by the lake, feet dangerously close to the dark water.

"So, what is it?"

"What's what?"

"Whatever is ruining your mood."

"Oh, so you're saying I'm not delightful? Uncalled for, that is."

"Oh, come on, just tell me," she said impatiently, glaring at you.

You smiled, swinging your arms restlessly. "Well, as I said, I'm not too chuffed my brother is following me around everywhere, making me live in fear."

Hermione only stared at you, unimpressed, waiting.

"Yeah, I guess I just feel guilty still, in a weird way. Not that there's anything remotely wrong with dating you, it's just... it's our two-year anniversary and all I could think about while planning was how to celebrate incognito. It's kinda... tiring, I suppose." You looked back at her, chewing on your tongue. "Sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, I understand. And there's nothing to feel guilty about. If my family were so district, if they would disown me if I told them who I loved, I know I would... well, I don't know what I'd do, but I know it would be hard to handle." She smiled at you, the kind that made the skin around her eyes crinkle and her freckles catch a different ray of sunlight. "Let's just make today special."

"I wholeheartedly agree," you said firmly, placing a hand on her waist and stopping her. "Which is why I'd like to give you this."

You pulled out a small, indeterminate box with a ribbon around it. The size and shape didn't hint at what was within, so that you could watch as Hermione's brow furrowed, clever eyes searching for clues.

"Can I open it?" she asked timidly, quickly untying the ribbon when you nodded. Inside lay a multitude of things: A necklace with 'Hermione' spelt in Japanese characters (へみおね), a small line drawing you had created of the two of you, and a folded list of book recommendations, each addressed to a certain aspect of her. (For example, to her expression when she is in 'survival mode': The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. To her fast-paced wit and love of puzzles: The Collected Stories of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.)

"(Y/n), I-"

Before she could thank you, you slid off one of your rings from your index finger, one that you wore every day, placing it on her middle finger instead. She stared at it, as if it were a legendary artifact that might still surprise her.

Hermione looked around then, but there was no one. No one to stop her kissing you like her life depended on it.

"Hermione," you murmured, detaching herself from her mouth, ignoring the surprising turn, "you sure you wanna do this here..."

"Thank you," she whispered instead, slinging herself against you. "Thank you so, so, so much."

"I'm glad you like it, darling," you managed between kisses, lips colliding in waves. Your other hand leaped to her waist, holding her impossibly close to your body. Hers travelled the muscles of your back, reaching for the plane of your nape where her fingers surpassed your hairline.

"'Mione," you groaned, hardly gaining her attention.

"Dorm?" she managed.

"Yeah," you panted, reluctantly breaking away.

"Right."

The way up to and through the castle under the cloak was hard, even while walking past your brother. Hermione kept whispering 'thank you's and 'you're perfect's and kissing you, anywhere, everywhere, and it took a ridiculous amount of willpower not to rail her next to the Hogswatch team.

Your shared dorm was mercifully empty, and the cloak was quickly discarded. You pulled her down onto the bed by her hips, groaning as she grinded against your lap, face connected to yours.

She slipped off her jacket with the box inside the front pocket, followed by her jumper, the heat within you now deafening.

"Are you sure?" she asked, pained to have jeopardized the mood. "I know we haven't done anything since your brother's been following you around and I understand if you're worried he'll find out somehow-"

"I'm sure. I have you, don't I?"

Hermione's lips were on yours again, hungry, insatiable, moaning your name-

A sharp cry emanated from the door, some sort of terrified surprise.

You jumped up, one hand still on your girlfriend's thigh, but Draco was already leaving, running away - his job was done, and it had not been to protect. You loved your brother, but you knew just as well that he would do anything to feel more secure in his own home.

You knew that that home would no longer be yours.

"I can see him in the Owlery right now, trying to understand how this could've happened under his watch," You laughed dryly, staring at the open door. Hermione stepped before you, closing it.

"I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

And yet, mere hours later your father's owl arrived - a grey one, shivers of green down the spines of his feathers. The letter was easy to remove from his leg and you knew before opening it that it would be loud. Hermione cast a silencing charm on the room wordlessly, because even she knew.

And the letter lived up to its namesake, a howling cacophony of your father's disappointment. It tore itself apart with the knowledge that it had forbidden you from returning to your childhood home. You did not move to clean the remnants away. You didn't dare look at Hermione, who you could picture with a hand over her mouth and a look of pity in her eyes that made you want to disappear completely.

"You have me," Hermione said eventually, meekly, as if she wasn't sure how much that was worth. "You can stay with me and my family. You know you'll never be alone. I mean, if you want to. I know so far I've already been cause for a howler."

"Yeah," you whispered. You didn't know whether you could manage more in that moment.

"Yes?" she asked, seeking confirmation, but you didn't miss the hint of betrayal in her voice.

"Yeah, that would be great," you stuttered, trying to sound sure of yourself. "Merlyn knows I'll need a new bodyguard with less muscle than me."

She smiled, even though it was watery, and gently leaned in for another kiss.

You knew you had chosen right. You knew this might someday lead to heaven on earth. You knew Hermione was forever for you.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday Wonderful fandom. Are you still breathing after that little kiss teaser? Cause I was gonna pass straight out when I saw it haha We are a little over 3 weeks away from S6 premiere. Can you believe it? I need it to be Wednesday already for that trailer. Feels like we've been in this hiatus for years LOL But let's get back to the rewatch eh? Ahhhh the Valentines episode. So much goodness inside this one. From start to finish this ep is glorious. I knew from the promo alone was gonna be fantastic. The ep name is pretty apt. Off we go.

5x16 Exposure

We hit the ground running in this one. Just a glorious shot of them sleeping in Lucy’s bed. The many ways I love this. Clearly he’s living there part time at this point. Staying over more often than not. If the man has a key i’m sure he has a drawer at her place as well. No way he doesn't at this point. My guess is Kojo having lots of sleepovers at Auntie Genny's with the kids too.

I love how peaceful they look in this shot. His body pointed towards her's in slumber. His head is damn near on her pillow. So close to one another. That gravitational pull just innate. Even when Tim is sleeping he is drawn to her. Just the little things that make me squee so very much. The domesticity of this moment has me reeling. As does this entire season for them really.

Unfortunately their peaceful co-habitation is interrupted by Lucy’s phone going off. Tim groans sleepily. Asking who it is? Lucy says she doesn’t know as she goes to answer it. It sounds like a drunk dial. Lucy hops out of bed immediately. Tim reaching out to her side of the bed is so cute all sleepy. I vote for more sleepy Tim. Asking half awake if it was wrong number?

He watches Lucy moving in a panic and the sleep drops from him. Asking her what’s happening? Lucy informs him It was a distress call from a UC she trained with. We see Tim go from sleepy to fierce protector mode quickly. Hopping out of bed ready to back her play. He doesn’t even know what’s going on but he’s there for her. My damn heart. No hesitation whatsoever to back his girl up.

It’s written all over Lucy’s face how much she love this. Her appreciation and love for this man so apparent as he scrambles to join her. She didn’t ask him to and that’s what she’s loving here. He was coming whether she asked for it or not. He’ll always have her back. No matter the scenario. Also never be over the jammies and sharing a bed. I wanna squee into my pillow haha

Something about Lucy driving Tim’s truck that is doing things to me. Like another version of wearing his clothes. I love it sfm. Tim waiting in the backseat with his gun at the ready. Phew lord started off this ep strong af. Lucy jumps right into character. God she’s good at this. She gets Noah out of trouble fairly quickly cause she’s a Queen. Lucy gives Tim the all clear to get out of the truck. Noah walks up and introduces himself to Tim.

Mentioning it was impressive she got backup this fast. Lucy proudly announcing it helped he was sleeping in her bed. Heh. Yeah he was. Noah then puts it together saying he’s THAT Bradford. So many questions stem from this statement I have to say. Clearly Lucy spoke about Tim ad nauseam at UC school. Not only that but the way she spoke about Tim Noah doesn’t seem shocked they’re together now. She clearly wasn’t with Tim during UC school so this is so damn fascinating to me.

I wanna know what she told Noah LOL As does Tim. Saying he’s curious to know what that means… Getting a small taste of some jealous Tim here I don’t hate it. I adore Lucy’s full bodied ‘No!’ in reply to Tim wanting to know more. Gotta love how expressive Melissa is. From her face to her body mannerisms. Why she’s always been the perfect Lucy. Just embodying her so well. Also am I crazy to think that’s Tim’s flannel? Cause looks a little big on Lucy. A girl can dream right? It’s possible...probably isn't but I want it to be LOL

Lucy asks him what they just recused him from? He says ‘The Army of Freedom.’ It’s a militia group born in Victorville. Said his OP started about a month ago. Unfortunately hasn’t been able to breach their inner circle yet. Tim asks if he pushed little too hard tonight? Noah replies maybe…but he had to roll the dice. They’re about to move something big. He’s going to need a local assist.

Tim says he can set up at their station. We then get to see a little more jealous Tim come into play. I don’t hate it everyone. He’s also a little grumpy from the lack of sleep. Ha Not loving the 'hot pants' nickname clearly. Tim then makes the most obvious and dramatic eye roll at end. Clearly not amused by this inside joke of their’s in the least ha It’s ok love, you’re the only hot pants she wants. LOL

Jealously thy name is Tim Bradford in this scene though. He runs the gambit for emotions at the end here. He goes from confused in the cutest way about the nick name, then a little intrigued, but we end with his jealous dramatic eye roll haha I love this man so much. He is tired and over this rescue now. Goodness what a great cold open for them. Whenever we get the cold open usually gonna be a damn good ep.

I’ll never be over how excited they both get when they find each other in the station in this season. Way she speed walks up to him. It’s so cute. Lucy hears the end of Tim’s conversation. All she hears is ‘You’re kidding.’ Lucy asking kidding about what? Tim’s clipped answer throws her off for a moment. But she doesn’t let it deter her too much. Touching his arm sweetly. Saying he left so early. That she had a whole Valentine breakfast planned for them. Gah I love that so much I can’t even stand it.

Of course she did. Damnit Tim why did you leave so early? Tim telling her she was up late he wanted to let her sleep in. Which is very sweet actually. Lucy apologizes but says it was nice to catch up with Noah. Lucy asking ‘We didn’t keep you up did we?’ Tim continues his grumpy short replies. Lucy is picking up on all of your being grumpy vibes. Did you think she wasn’t going notice you beautiful fool?

Love of your damn life knows you better than you know yourself. We get a SECOND sweet arm touch. *squee* Clearly something off with him. So Lucy approaches it with another soft touch to start. Knowing it’ll get his attention. Then sweetly asks if he’s ok? He lies and says he’s fine. Her face saying it all. Knowing he’s lying to her she’s just not sure why… Believe or not this is growth for Tim. His terrible lying showing how much she’s opened him up. He was as closed off as possible when they met. Now he's out here expressing feelings even if he's trying hard not to.

Grey has Tim ride with Lucy and Noah today. Normally they’d be excited to ride together but you can feel the tension above. Mostly from Tim. He is an open book about how he feels about this today. Lucy is more concerned than she is tense in this scene. Wade wants Metro on scene ASAP for this situation. If he’s riding with Lucy and Noah that’ll happen. They’re looking for a random van that has explosive chemicals in it. It was meant for a meth lab Noah’s team took down. Now it’s floating around the city and needs to be found before it does damage.

Another great shot of their day starting in the shop. Reminding me of 5x08 opening sequence. Lucy can see Tim is acting off still. Being Lucy she can’t let that stand. Having no idea it’s her that’s put him in this foul mood. Being the sunshine human she is tries to get him to engage with some UC school stories. I LOVE her putting her hand on the back of his chair. Crossing that invisible line of theirs that existed for years in the shop.

Getting as close to him as possible without actually touching. When Lucy sees the story isn’t working she makes a joke. Then touches his shoulder. Gah it’s so cute. She wants to get him through whatever this is by just loving on him. Trying to get him to smile. Sadly Tim doesn’t respond like she wants. Thought she was going to get the normal sassy reply back from him and nada. Lucy withdraws her hand confused but determined to figure him out.

Lucy brings up Noah’s GF asking if he’s contacted her yet? He says no they broke up. Well that she broke up with him. Noah bringing up the elephant in the room that plagues them the rest of this season. Being a UC and being in a functioning relationship. I do adore Lucy being confident af in front of Noah about it. About them. Saying it depends on the couple.

Basically saying I’m sorry yours didn’t work out but mine will. She is all in and it shows in so many of her comments and decisions. I truly love it so very much. Noah makes a comment that has Tim shifting in his seat. Even turning the grumpy off for a moment. Looking over at Lucy when Noah tells her be a shame if she didn’t take the plunge.

So much being said in the looks above. The ever present issue they struggle to talk about is here. Rears its ugly head for first time since they got together. Gotta love Eric and Melissa’s chemistry especially in moments like this. Communicating so much without saying a damn word. Gah we’re lucky to have them.

This next part is glorious for so many reasons. Angela, Harper, Nolan, Celina and Aaron are all gossiping on an open channel. Tim interrupts because well it’s Tim. He’s already grumpy today so this is last thing he wants to listen to. Angela calling him out for being so damn surly. Because she wouldn’t be his best friend if she didn’t. Saying he should be basking in the glow of new love.

Look at Lucy when Angela says this. Heart eyes for days for that man sitting next to her. As transparent as glass. Celina giving into the continuous gossip asking what they’re doing tonight? I love Lucy snatching the radio out of his hand. Even mad as hell at her he allows it because it’s wifey. Nothing he wouldn’t do for that woman angry or not. Lucy projecting what Tim is thinking. Saying they’re not talking about this on an open channel.

Look at how he has rubbed off on her I love it sfm. Also something about her jumping in and defending his side. *sigh* Gah getting me all in the feels. Also look at the way Lucy is looking at him when she does chastise the group. So in love with that man. Heart eyes nation in this shop. We can also see Tim fighting a proud smile wanting to stay mad. When he’s so impressed with her for doing that. Let’s not discount Noah being chill af in the back. None of this affecting him whatsoever LMAO

Lucy can’t take it any longer and confronts Tim about it. We can see her studying his body language. Noticing how tense he is. He is broadcasting his feelings like a radio station. She knows something is amiss. Deep in her soul she knows something is off with her person. Love the way she is studying him then reaches out with a soft touch. Knowing it’ll get his attention and be an ice breaker into her asking. Her whole demeanor screaming 'Timothy my love what is going on?'

Lucy being as direct but soft as she can in her delivery. Telling him ‘Out with it.’ Tim ridiculous answer of ‘What?’ Like she hasn’t noticed him stewing all damn morning. You’re full of a lot of shit Timothy haha The disbelief on her face is so telling. Asking him what’s wrong with him today? He continues to be short with her. Lucy calling him the hell out on it. In a way only she can.

Noting he hasn’t even called her hot pants once. If Tim wasn’t being such a grumpus he would’ve been all over that. She is so right and knows him so damn well. Then she asks if it’s Noah? Is he jealous? Tim immediately saying ‘No.’ I mean it was a little last night…but it’s definitely not that now. It’s not helping but not the main problem here either.

Tim FINALLY fesses up it’s her he’s mad with. Lucy is taken back but it becomes clear when he brings up Metro. Lucy tries to deny it and Tim gives that disapproving stare he’s so good at. Lucy giving in and saying he was SO miserable riding the desk. That she had to do something for him. Tim then shoots back the optics of it aren’t great for him. Lucy shutting this down asking if it’s fragile male ego thing? I mean it is a little bit. It's not the whole reason IMO (I'll touch on that more later) but it is part of it. Tim has grown leaps and bounds. Truly he has.

But he also still has to deep stubborn steak in him. One built on pride and earning everything he’s ever gotten. This is making him question if he deserves the position he now has. Negative grooves in his brain he still defaults back to. Now I know some may have hated his reaction to this. I won’t lie it wasn’t great. His reaction reminds me of myself pre-therapy. I would shut down and be one worded. Lash out if someone tried to get me to talk. My whole body would emulate frustration and annoyance. Just like he has been. I so relate to him reacting this way.

Once again not the best but the man is still human. Tim has earned everything in his career with hard work and his strong skill set. This was a blow to his ego 100 percent. He’s not admitting to this but it was. Lucy smells BS and is letting him know as much. I love how she holds steady and strong despite his boiling anger. Even making a joke Tim is just mad she solved it better than him LOL I mean she did…Lucy saying ‘We’ just wanted to help. Tim getting more ramped up hearing this. Lucy cracks me up stumbling on her words saying we? I meant Me. Ha smooth…

This scene in his office is *chef’s kiss* I remember being excited this was their first fight as a couple. Because it’s so healthy to be fighting from time to time. Something neither of them had in their previous relationships. This was an important fight for them to have. They come out the other side of it stronger because of it. This is good angst. Productive fighting. I’ll take that any day damn if it moves them forward as a couple. This most definitely did.

Lucy comes into his office ready to confront this problem head on. Their talk in the shop leaving too much left unsaid. Lucy is a lot like me and can't let sleeping dogs lie. She has to clear the air and confront things. I do love her patting herself on the back as she launches into why she did what she did for him. I mean she did spearhead a miracle for him. She just needs him to see WHY she did it.

His anger has clouded that all day and it's part of why she is here now. Tim barely looks up from his paperwork as she starts her explanation. Still so angry about this whole thing. Lucy starts out with saying she gets why he’s angry. He looks up at her finally. Lucy going on a mini rant about why she did what she did. That she did it masterfully (I mean she most definitely did) Kudos to her amazing brain.

Lucy finishes off saying despite all that she shouldn’t have done it behind his back. Tim being a sassy sass pot asks if that was an apology? My goodness Timothy. The salty sass. You can see there is still a lot of seething going on under the surface. Lucy immediately says yes. Tim not seeming less mad just replies ‘All right.’ Her apology feeling like it's made zero difference in his anger about what's happened. Also Lucy's 'Yes' doesn't seem whole hearted either because she's holding back and decides to let it rip instead.

We see this is not sitting right with her. So she backtracks and says ‘No!’ I love her for this. Could've taken his half hearted acceptance but she didn't. Knew it didn't feel right to her. She wouldn't be Lucy if she just let that happen either. Knowing things felt unresolved still and not being able to stand that. The whole purpose of her coming to him was the clear the air. Tim looks exasperated af with her reply. That famous he can't believe she just said that look. He's about to be taken to school and probably knows it.

Lucy launching into exactly why she is sorry but not sorry. I love this fireball of a woman. (So does Tim) That he never would’ve let her work her magic if he knew. She’s not wrong… Same goes for her. If Lucy had known he was taking that desk job she wouldn’t have allowed it. What makes these two dopes so perfect for one another. That she would’ve ended up transferring just to save him from himself. Which was what they were trying to avoid in the first place.

Lucy stands her ground and lets him know this worked out SO much better. I mean it really did. That if he can’t see that she’s sorry not sorry. This is where we see Tim turn the corner. What I love the most about this part is how she stood up so confidently. Strongly stood by her decision on what she did. Her sorry not sorry is perfect. Basically saying ‘I love you, you idiot and I don’t regret doing this for you.’

It’s not the apology that soothes Tim’s anger. No it’s her conviction in why she did this for him. Seeing that fire she has and he is feeling so lucky he gets to have her in his corner. Lucy is 100 percent unapologetically herself in this moment. Her standing up to him is one of the many reasons Tim fell for her in the first place. So naturally her ‘non’ apology is what gets it done. Not her I don’t really mean this but you’re mad at me one.

He loves that woman standing in front of him so much. It shows when she’s done. It’s why he’s smiling at the end of her ‘non’ apology. She is his rock, his compass and his sunshine lighting his path when he needs it. But mostly she is a guiding force in his life. Kicking him back onto the right path whether he realizes he needs it or not. Beautiful thing is she has his back. He’s so not used to this type of love and support. It's a throw back to 2x01 in a way with his reaction to it. How visceral and angry he was then and now. Once again doesn't see her protecting him and helping him as a positive thing. And just like in 2x01 he didn’t see it this way until she stood up. Smacked some sense into him. Let him know why she'd done it.

Doing it this time around because she loves him so much. Only wants the best for him. Let's not forget this man has been put second in all of his other relationships. His needs being put on the back burner to take care of those he loves. Had to suppress his emotions for years. When you let yourself start to feel after years of not it's a tidal wave that drowns you. It's overwhelming really. Luckily Tim has Lucy to drag him to dry land. So when he's taken care of he doesn’t know how to handle it. It's not something you just get used to in an instant. Just like in the beginning with Lucy when she would push him to open up. We got surly angry Tim but he eventually came around. This is no different. He isn’t used to be put first. His gut reaction was hurt and being defensive.

Not oh Lucy did this because she loves me. Because he probably in the back of his mind still doesn't feel worthy of that love still. And although he has grown. So very much. He still isn't used to having someone fiercely love and defend him the way Lucy does. That's why this scene was so important for her to back her decision. To make him see exactly why she did this. It’s why he’s smiling at the end of it. This beautiful, driven fireball is his and she’s in his corner. What’s hitting him is that realization. She put him first and put in a massive effort to do so. Not only for him but for them as a couple. He is so very lucky to have someone as wonderfully understanding as Lucy to love him through these types of moments.

I love how once the dust is settled they just morph back into them. How it should be. Fighting is meant to be cleansing. To confront the issue and then be done with it. Confrontation gets a bad rap. It’s meant to clear the air so both parties feel better after. Her cute. ‘So are we going to dinner or what?’ Haha They already missed her breakfast. She wants to do something with her man.

Tim couldn’t be cuter saying they are. But her outfit is missing a little something. Lucy being very confused by this. Saying 'What?' Then seeing the jewelry box in his hand and melting like butter. Tim could not be cuter handing it to her. Love struck as he gives her his gift. Telling her ‘Happy Valentines Day.’ The biggest grin on his handsome face. Lucy beaming right back at him. Her eyes screaming how much she loves this man.

She is so impressed with him. So impressed she’s shocked he picked this out LOL He knows his girl. Tim is offended asking her if it’s that shocking? Lucy soothing his ego saying ‘No.’ Letting him know he clearly has good taste. I mean he does. He is in love with her after all. He really did a good job. That is the perfect Lucy necklace so he nailed it. The man has noticed a trend is what she wears. Well done Timothy. Your girl is mighty impressed with your gift giving skills. How far you've come since your days with Rachel ha

It’s so intimate and sweet the way he puts it on her. Lucy is radiating joy as he does this. The way she looks at him while he puts it on and slides his hand down to adjust it. *heart clutch* She is revved up and wants to skip dinner now. More than ready to ‘Thank’ him for her gift. I love her being the one to suggest just skipping dinner and having her way with him instead. Tim saying 'No I'm hungry.' Lucy is feeling a little rejected like ‘Oh. Ok..’

Tim doesn’t let that feeling linger for long. Touching her back intimately mentioning she’s gonna need fuel for later. OMG. He just said that and I’m reeling. I rewound it I remember being so damn giddy. Basically saying she needs fuel to keep up so he can have his way with her. Tim Bradford talking about sex in his office. Not only that but they’re gonna have so many rounds he wants her fueled up. *fans self*

Lucy’s face is everything afterwards. She is blushing but also so ready for their night together. Man has some pent up tension to burn off but needs food first LOL Lucy is very ready to go to dinner now. Especially knowing what awaits her when they’re done hehe I can only imagine how antsy she was to get back to either his or her place following that dinner. I love how the writers constantly insinuate their sex life is spicy and active af. I adore it so much. I mean did we really expect anything less? Doesn’t make me love it any less though.

Anyone else just in shock we got all these goodies still? I keep saying feels like a fever dream because it does. In the best way possible. After last episode this was start to finish incredible.

~~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Wesley accidentally hiring a beautiful woman to guard him is hilarious. A non pregnant Angela wouldn’t be amused. A very pregnant one is ready to wring his neck.

Celina’s murder case gets brought back up. This SL is so good. It was my turning point for her as a character I needed that to care and give her more depth.

I did love how all the couples started off rocky and ended up fine by the end was growing a little from it. I do love Nyla and James so much.

Thank you forever and always to those who like, comment( love dem comments) and reblog these. S5 been so fun to analyze thank you all for still being invested in these all these months later. See you all in 5x17 :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to go on a walk and then telling the truth?

📚⛷️ for later

I (14f) am currently on vacation in the Alps skiing. For context, I have two younger brothers (12 and 6). What my family usually does is ski in the morning, have lunch, and then either ski some more or play board games together in the afternoon. Before, we used to go on walks in the afternoon but we stopped once we started getting better at skiing and got tired faster.

My mum loves to go on walks and regularly goes out. For the past few years she usually goes on walks in the morning when the rest of the family is out skiing as she has an injury that prevents her from skiing. Today I went with her as I am also injured lol.

My brothers and I do not like to go on walks. We’re very vocal about it, I do enjoy walking in the city (where I live) however and we all play a lot of sports so health is not an issue. This morning I decided to go with her and we went on an hour-long walk (It was snowing and the ground was very muddy, and my injury is worse when I breathe hard). She seemed upset that it wasn’t longer but she is the one who insisted that we go home.

This afternoon she drags everyone out on another walk. My dad and brothers were clearly exhausted (it was their first day and we had a 13-hour drive to come here) but my dad was a good sport and we all went out.

So now we’re all out walking and we keep the complaints to a minimum; obviously my youngest brother wasn’t very good at it but he sensed the tone of the walk and wasn’t too bad. After about an hour there comes a split in the path ; one continues straight and one goes directly up a very steep hill. My mom asked us what we wanted to do and none of us replied; I don’t know what my brothers did but I just looked at my dad. My mom then got very mad and said “Let’s just go home, you never want to do stuff like this” I argued that I hadn’t said anything, but apparently she could see it in my eyes.

While we walk back she was very mad still and kept complaining about how we never want to do stuff that she likes (sidenote: this summer we went on a 3-week long road trip where we went to Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, Sequoia National park, Death Valley, and Sedona; it was very walk/hike-heavy and it was largely because of her that we went). This is where I think I might be the asshole: at some point I got angry as well and said that she knows very well that we do stuff like this all the time, and why force us to do something that she knows that we’re not going to like? She has been giving me the silent treatment ever since.

Another sidenote since I’m trying to give all possible information: we always come to the same place since before I could walk, but always in winter. Mom been talking about how she wants to come here in summer a lot recently and is trying to sell it to us by saying how pretty it is and how many walks we could do.

Last piece of extra information: My mom had walked the entire valley that were in right now and back and least three times over the years ; the path was definitely nothing that she hadn’t seen before.

My brothers and I are staying in the same room at the moment so she came to say goodnight to the youngest only (this is not the right post for favoritism so I’m not going to go into that) and right before she left she looked at me and 12-year-old brother and just said that she knows that we don’t love her. I find this really childish and an immature way to deal with this.

Thank you for all the help

What are these acronyms?

[breyito]

Fear your sins, not your monsters: Part Three: Paths Converging

Continuation of Day 1 and 2 of @painlandweek

Part 1 Part 2 Chapters: 3/5 Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne & Charles Rowland, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne & Crystal Palace Characters: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland (DCU) Additional Tags: Protective Edwin Paine | Edwin PayneUnhinged Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Violence, Torture, Hurt Charles Rowland (DCU), Sickfic, love language: acts of service, painlandweek, BAMF Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Angst with a Happy Ending

Here on AO3

A/N: Hello! I'm so, so sorry about the delay! My ADHD has been kicking my ass for the last couple of weeks and istg i feel like i can't do anything. Anyways. I had to split this chapter in half, cause it was getting ridiculously long again, and I wasnt going to finish the rest of it today. (I have this new app on my phone that is voice-to-text and it changed my life! All the dialogues i keep forgetting bc of lack of energy to write i can just *dictate* and it feels so good lol. It also lenghtened this quite a bit, tho.) No moodboard for this one either, not yet. I'll try to make one tomorrow (or in a few hours, as it is, once again, 5am). No beta and English is not my native language, so any mistakes please point them out. I hope you enjoy this one! I'm very curious about what you'll think of this one ;P Oh, WARNING:This contains violence, threats of rape towards Charles and other children's souls, etc.

Part Three: Paths Converging

They headed back to the office. On the way, Crystal with her phone in her ear, Edwin had explained the general gist of things to her. Mainly that the other ghost hadn’t known the location of the lair of the witch, but had visited a few times. To allow him to travel there via mirror, she had given him a token attuned to him and his energy. They could use the token, but not to travel with it more than once; and definitely not to escape the place. (Not to mention that Crystal would have never let Edwin go on his own alone, without even the possibility of helping him. She was glad, still, that the ghost boy had not even suggested that.)

“So how can we use it?” she asked, looking right at him, as she plopped down on the couch. They were inside the office now and nosy taxi drivers couldn’t watch her suspiciously anymore. Also, she was exhausted and couldn’t bother with more acting for a couple of hours.

Edwin had gone straight to the massive pile of books on top of every single flat surface, including boxes full of files. He had looked at the books covering the desk for a full thirty seconds and then sent a wave of the black smoke at them, and they actually began moving on their own towards the floor. Crystal was…ignoring that for now, for the sake of her sanity. (How many things was she already ignoring?)

“I think I can combine a couple of rituals to create a sort of…tether, between Charles and myself.” he replied to her, as he removed his outer layers. “This would, basically, allow us to communicate with him and follow his energy to the place where the witch has absconded him.”

“Don’t tethers usually need something more physical to work?” she questioned, curious. At least that’s what the book she had been reading before their last case went wildly off course had said. Maybe the black smoke allowed him to tweak the limits?

“I have something more physical of his.” Edwin said, touching Charles’ necklace still around his neck. ”And for me, well, some blood or the ghost equivalent should work.”  His eyes showed his mind went far, far away for a couple of moments. She said nothing, remembering the sudden rush of cold, dark, wet she had felt the last time she touched it. Edwin eventually shook off the melancholy and straightened his posture.

“I will need to compile the different arrays and rites I need to build this ritual. It will take me at least a few hours, so I suggest you rest up.” 

“Are you sure I can’t help you…?” she asked, despite knowing he probably wouldn’t let her. Building rituals from scratch was a whole new area and she had exactly zero experience with that.

“Crystal.” He sighed, already spreading an alarming amount of books on the now clean desk. “I don’t mean to be rude, but unless you have a working knowledge of any of the Celtic languages, Aramaic, Latin or Fuþorc Runes I’ll ask you to keep out of it.”

“Okay, okay.” she rolled her eyes. Kicking her shoes off, she got comfortable on the couch and covered herself with the blanket.  “But wake me up if you need to leave, alright?” she mumbled, half asleep already. “I don’t wanna panic if you’re not there when I wake up…”

Several hours later, Edwin shook her awake. Still woozy from sleep, she understood he needed a specific kind of knife he didn’t have but knew where to get. And that he had to travel by mirror to the place. She mumbled her understanding to him, and he left. 

It was only when she was about to drop back into a deep sleep that her brain actually zoned in to the important part. She sat up on the couch so suddenly she felt dizzy.

“ Esther Finch’s fucking house!?” she yelled at the flat mirror, frustrated beyond belief. “Are you shitting me , Edwin!?” she cursed at the empty office. She creamed into the pillow a bit more, then got up. At least this should give her time to shower.

—-- —-- —--

—-- —-- —--

Edwin really doesn’t want to go back to Port Townsend. The place was bleak, damp and filled with memories of suffering. Whether it is mental, emotional or physical; he’d experienced more pain in that little town in a single month than in the rest of the world in the last fifteen years. 

But Charles was missing. Taken by another witch with a penchant for sick, twisted games and children’s pain. The ritual he came up with was novel and needed every single element to work. The dagger was fundamental. Edwin could not risk wasting more time looking for another knife with the same qualities when he already knew the location of one.

So he travelled to Port Townsend via mirror. He landed in Crystal’s old room above Jenny’s shop, and walked up to the house in a disguise. It was better than trying to travel directly inside Finch’s house, which surely had enchantments against ghosts using her mirrors that way.

As soon as his feet landed inside a ten metre radius, he could feel the repellent wards telling him to go away. This magic felt different than Finch’s. Probably the Cat King, then. Or maybe Tragic Mick? He ignored the compulsion, and kept walking up the path into the porch. 

He took off his glasses before reaching the stairs, and became his true self again. A loud caw immediately greeted him. He paused and looked back,  and saw Monty in his true form on a tree branch. The pause allowed the crow to land in the handrail of the porch, exuding an air of disapproval. Edwin sighed. 

“I need to get something from inside this house.” he said, focusing on one of the crows’ eyes. “I’m not going to-” he paused before he promised something he couldn’t keep. Because he couldn’t promise not to hurt someone with what he took from inside. “I’m going to get something from inside this house.” He said instead. “And you are not going to stop me.”

Monty lifted into the air, agitated, cowing. His wings produced so much wind that Edwin took a step back, but then straightened up and pulled his notebook and held it open with one hand.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Monty.” he stated. “But I will if you try to stop me.” His other hand opened and a bright orange flame erupted, tinged with wisps of black. An alarmed cry made Edwin feel like garbage, but he held the flame on his palm. In control, but ready to attack.

The crow flew off then, shrill caws on his way. Edwin took a deep breath and extinguished the fire, wiping his hand on his coat. He pocketed his notebook and climbed the stairs. Fortunately, he went in as easily as he had done for Becky.

By the time Edwin had found the dagger, and snatched a book that looked like it had been involved in the creation of the ghastly machine that so much pain it had caused him; it was already too late. He felt a pulse of energy from outside, and cursed under his breath. He could try to undo the spells on the mirrors of the house, but that would take too long. So he sighed and marched outside. 

“Edwin, Edwin, Edwin. You don't write, you don't call…” the Cat King said with a fake moue. Edwin looked up and saw Monty flying in circles above their heads. Little snitch , he thought, resentful.

“Cat King.” he said, nodding in respect, trying to walk around him. “I'm just leaving.” But diplomacy never worked on him. 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” The other man clicked his tongue, stepping in Edwin’s path. The ghost boy stopped where he was, not willing to get closer.

“What do you think you are doing, entering the house of the Wicked Witch of the West?” The shapeshifter asked, sauntering around him. He was wearing heeled boots, and it added a little height difference that irked Edwin.  

“I already have what I came here looking for. Now, if you please, I'm in a hurry.” Edwin tried to give another step, but the Cat King walked closer again, forcing him to step back. He was not putting himself in reach again. Monty cowed, flying faster, agitated.

“No. I don't think I please.” he tilted his head. “Knowledge like Esther's is dangerous. And I just can't let you leave with something dangerous.” The trickster’s tone was still playful, and it was grating on Edwin’s nerves.

“Knowledge is just knowledge.” the detective said, exasperated. “And I'm not asking you for permission.” he countered, snappish, head held high. “You're wasting my time .” The Cat King’s eyes shone.

“You should always have time for me, dear.” he said, smile cutting. “I can always just trap you here again, Edwin.” He offered, the smile still on.

“...And I can always start killing your subjects until you let me leave. But we are not doing that, are we, Thomas? ” he smirked back, biting. There was something cold in those green eyes that made the shifter want to shiver. The faint wisps of black coming up from the ground were certainly unnerving. Monty screeched in alarm and abruptly landed on a branch several metres down. 

“You know my name.” the Cat King realised, stepping back. 

“I do. I know a lot of things about you now.” the ghost added, taking a step forward. “You like to play games . But I already knew that, from last time.” Edwin took another step closer. “The difference is, Charles is not with me right now. And I don't have a lot of patience for games when he is in danger.” he snarled. 

“So that is why you're doing this? For him? You came all the way to America, to the house where you were tortured in, just for him ?” Thomas asked, indignant.

“I would do many more things for him.” Edwin stated, staring right into those yellow eyes, daring. The shifter scoffed, leaning closer, looking down at the ghost.

“Like threatening me?” The man asked, incredulous.

“I'm not threatening you. I'm warning you.” Edwin said, looking up, teeth bared. It looked more like a show of aggression from a cornered animal than a smile. “You're either on my side, or standing in my fucking way. And I'll get through anything standing in my way to get to him.” Their faces were only a few centimetres apart now, noses almost touching.

Thomas knew, in that moment, that Edwin was being completely honest. He seemed not to care a single bit what could happen to him as long as he could leave to go help his little friend. Nor what enemies he could leave behind. The Cat King felt a bit peeved about it, quite hot under the collar, and a lot jealous. That kind of loyalty to another person, to the point of detriment to yourself? He’d never felt it nor had he had it. It was alluring , damn it.   

“Deathly little thing, aren’t you?” he whispered to this mysterious boy, unwillingly feeling more attracted to him still. The tension between them finally broke when Edwin’s lips formed a teasing smile and his eyes softened a little.

“Only when I have to.” he whispered back, before breaking his gaze and pressing the faintest of kisses on Thomas’ jaw, surprising him. He then sidestepped him and walked out of the yard. 

By the time the Cat King turned around, Edwin was already jumping into a puddle, travelling to where he needed to be. Monty cowed twice and Thomas felt the hidden amusement.

“Oh, shut it, bird-boy. Like you didn’t defy your witch for him, even after he rejected you.” he snapped. 

—-- —-- —--

—-- —-- —--

Charles woke up all at once, gasping. He was sopping wet and chained to the ceiling. The metal of the chains was iron, and they were burning every part of his body that touched them. He was still only wearing his trousers, felt his extremities numb with cold and some of his curls had crusted over with ice.

When his eyes got used to the dim room, he could see it was the same basement he had been trapped in since the beginning. The only real difference was that he wasn’t alone this time. There was a woman on the corner, deep in the shadows. For what he could see, she was pretty fit. Charles might have looked twice if he had seen her on the street.  But with her wild blonde hair, tight red dress and tall boots; she looked like she was wearing a halloween costume that couldn’t decide if it was vampire or witch. A large white spider, with its eyes closed, peacefully placed inside her hair didn’t help matters. He had almost missed it.

“You’re finally awake!” she cheered, getting closer. “Now we can finally get started .” her grin was dangerous and the boy felt a shiver go down his spine.

Taking advantage of the fact that his feet barely touch the ground, she spun him around, making him lose balance. His knee buckled under him and his whole weight was left suspended from his shoulders until he managed to find his footing again. He was trembling even worse  after that, and tears of frustration began leaking from his eyes.

“Are you crying? How cute .” she cooed, grabbing his face and licking the trail the drop had left on his cheek. ”I’d give you a comfort kiss, but I don’t snog anyone that’s not my man.”

“You. Are. Crazy.” Charles said, leaning away from her. The spider opened its eyes and winked with half of them, waving two of its legs. The shivers got worse.

“Don’t be like that, poppet. Everything I’m doing is for love.”

“ Love ?” he repeated, sceptical. 

“Yes! I’m gonna get the love of my life back, and you’re gonna help me.”

“I don’t know anything about love potions or spells; we don’t mess with that shite.” Charles explained, weary. The witch snorted, the spider wiggled, like it was laughing too. (Was this her familiar? Did it share the same amount of sentience as Monty? Somehow, that thought was terrifying).

“Pffff, I don’t mean like that . My boo and I were tragically separated when he was killed by the police and then he got dragged to Hell! ” she huffed. “Like, what even? I just want him back .” 

Usually, Charles was willing to give everyone a chance to explain themselves. It’s not like the system was flawless. Good souls could be sent to Hell, like it had happened with Edwin. 

However, since he was still shivering from the literal torture this woman had put him through (torture she implied her ‘boo’ would enjoy); he would go out on a limb an bet the bloke completely deserved his tenure in Hell.

“And why was he killed by the police?” he asked anyway, already tired of dealing with this. The chat was a step up from the freezing water, but the talk itself so far was three steps down from the earlier solitude.

“Because his stupid best friend and he decided to rob a bank!” she exclaimed, clearly miffed. This time, when she grabbed him to spin him around, her nails left deep scratches, burning and bleeding. This bitch had iron in her nail polish, apparently. “They were caught doing that. I mean, you have to give it to the pigs. They really messed up on that one.”she laughed. “They were caught and got done in as fucking robbers. They didn't even search their flat! They just killed them and left them at the morgue.  They never found out that we were the ones dropping the mangled bodies everywhere.”

“You're sick.” Charles said, swallowing, as he found his rooting again. 

“Oh, baby, of course I am. Didn't I tell you already? I love making people break, playing with them.” She licked her lips, seductive. The ghost boy just felt nauseous. “What I love even more is watching my man do it for me. And that's why you're going to help me bring him back.”

“From Hell ?” He asked, incredulous. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn't help you. Edwin is the one with the knowledge of Hell and its paths, not me. You chose the wrong one of us to kidnap.”

“I don’t think I did. Word is, you are the one that I saved him from hell this time.” she smiled.  She put her extended arm on his shoulder and placed her weight on the claw-like nails sinking in the muscle there. He felt blood dripping down his back. The spider began walking down her shoulder and onto her arm. Leaning in until their faces almost touched, she looked him dead in the eyes, despite his efforts to keep the blasted thing in his line of sight. 

“I did, yeah.” He admitted. “But I had help. I had someone else, much more powerful than I or you ever could be. They opened a portal down to Hell and they kept it open until we got back. You can't do that.” He swallowed. “Can you?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking, now looking at the spider.

Cursing, she pushed him back and started roaming the room, hands wildly gesturing. The spider had quickly climbed up to her head again. Charles had lost his balance and was spinning again, but at least that beast was not near him. He took her cursing as a negative to his question. Charles wanted to believe this was good news (he dreaded the thought of that man anywhere but Hell), but you never knew how others were going to react when you didn’t give them the information they wanted. This woman? Completely bonkers. Hopefully she would just let him in here, until Edwin rescued him. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the basement.

“Hmm, maybe I can't open up a portal. But I can make a deal with a demon so that I can get into hell.” She was smiling again. “And you will help me find my way out.”

“A deal with a demon is a terrible idea. Besides, lady, even if I tell you all I know about hell, which I won’t do. The level Edwin was at? It was terrible, but it wasn't that deep. The level your boo must be in… it has to be one of the deepest and darkest ones, just based on what you describe me you two did, to people.”

“I can think of a few things I can offer the demon so that he helps me.” she countered, now pensive instead of agitated.

“Like what?”

“Like you, your soul. Essence, whatever. Or one of the others’.” Charles was almost afraid to ask.

“Others?”

“Oh, yeah. I've been collecting little souls as gifts for my boyfriend when he comes back. Since, you know, he won't be able to interact with the living now he is dead and will become a ghost.”

“... Little souls?” he asked again, disgusted. He tried leaning away, but she plunged her nails into his face to keep his eyes on her. 

“Yeah, the souls of little ones!” she smiled, and it was a terrible smile. A wild hunger seemed to seep from her feverish eyes. “He's not that much into kids. He prefers young people, teenagers, you know.” she winked at him, suggestive.

“So he's a paedophile, but not that much of a paedophile?” Charles mocked, deciding to ignore the implications. 

She let go of his face only to slap him hard, hard enough to leave deep gouges from the iron on the nails she wore.

“He hates that word!” she screamed, offended. “He just… really loves young people.” The sheer incredulity must have shown on his face, because she just continued. “Anyways, I was collecting these souls so he could play with them when he comes back, you know? I bet he will be in a foul mood, and I just thought 'well what better way to cheer him up than letting him blow off some steam on a couple souls he will find pleasing?’ ' I took great care in ensuring they were innocent, as well. The responses to all the pain and the bit of little pleasure here and there that we can teach them are always the best .” she sighed, dreamy. “And ghosts are so much more resilient! We can play with you and play with you and play with you until you break.” She said, eyes evaluating him up and down. “And then we can start all over again!” she laughed.

Charles puked all over the floor.

"You truly are," he said in disgusted awe " the most despicable person I've ever met. And a few months ago I was at the mercy of a witch that cannibalised little girls. "

“Oh, cannibalism.” she hummed. “That sounds fun, doesn’t it, Ari?” she cooed at her familiar, reaching for the thing. “You have to get me her number.” she said to him.

Charles spat at her. It barely touched her face before she shrieked and sent him crashing to the back of the room. The chains had fallen from the ceiling and onto his torso, burning him terribly.  

“And you need to learn some manners." She said as he screamed from the sudden agony. Then she turned her back on him and walked towards the door. "I guess I will just leave you to repeat the cycle until you have had enough."

Charles’ last coherent thought before he was dropped under the thick frozen layer of water of the lake instead of through the ice as always, was that Edwin and he would absolutely need to save those poor spirits.

—-- —-- —--

—-- —-- —--

“That took longer than you said it would.” Crystal said as soon as he stepped through the mirror into the office. “Did the house not let you in?” she asked, remembering how they had just phased through the walls last time.

“The house gave me no problem at all.” Edwin answered, placing the knife on the desk. “It was Monty, actually.” he explained, with a grimace. “I had an encounter with the Cat king,” Crystal’s eyebrow went up “but not much came out of it. He was very insistent about not letting any kind of knowledge leave that witch's house.” He took off his coat and his gloves and, uncharacteristically, threw them onto the couch. It was the only free surface, she supposed. “Which would normally be a good thing, but in these circumstances, I could not abide by it.”

“And did he give you any trouble?” she questioned, sceptical. 

“He tried to threaten me, so I just…threatened him back.” Edwin said, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling up his sleeves, trying to play it off as unimpressive. Yeah, Crystal was not gonna let that one slide.

“ You threatened the Cat King?” she said, incredulous. “He left you trapped in Port Townsend for weeks!”

“Ah, but I didn't know anything about him back then.” He countered. “And I wasn't dabbling in anything more dangerous than usual. And perhaps the most important thing of all…” Edwin started, leafing through his notes.

“...It was you in danger, not Charles.” Crystal interrupted, finishing the idea.

“Exactly.” He said, pleased that she understood this about him by now.

As they began prepping the materials for this massive ritual, she managed to corroborate that it was far beyond anything they had shown her so far. The ritual seemed so complicated. Beyond the dagger that he had to pick up from the other side of the world, it required them to move every single piece of furniture against the walls, then grabbing the bathroom mirror for a later use. 

After that, they placed a bedsheet on the floor, drawing a big circle on it with black chalk, and drew a set of runes inside it, near the centre. Then Edwin grabbed Charles' backpack, and took out a bottle full of a viscous dark liquid. He then lit a dozen candles inside the marked circle, each one in its specific place. A wave of different smells assaulted Crystal’s nose. She supposed that ghosts weren’t bothered by it since they couldn't smell much. She tried very hard not to sneeze.

Edwin retrieved two different cups from a cupboard, one made from silver and one from crystal, and poured the liquid from the bottle inside the silver one. For the other, he took out Esther’s knife from his pocket and sliced his forearm with it. Blood tinted with ectoplasm began to pour inside the empty cup, and once it was three quarters full he removed the wound from it to avoid overspilling. He slid two fingers over the wound and the black smoke that was becoming familiar to Crystal ate up the blood and sealed the wound. Then, he reached for Charles' chain around his neck and took it off. Gently, he let it fall inside the cup that had his blood. He took a big piece of parchment paper, those old ones that you see only in movies, yellowed with age, thick, and coarse to the touch. 

With a grimace, he sank his fingers into the first cup. A low hum came from his throat, sounding almost like words but not really. He began writing symbols with the blood onto the parchment. With the other hand, he began tracing the same symbols again, on another blank sheet of parchment, on top of the first one. These symbols were mirrored, and written with his own blood from the second cup. Once he was done, a string of Latin came out of his lips, and the second set of symbols lifted up in the air, glowing golden light, and fused into the first set, on the first sheet of parchment. The other parchment disintegrated as soon as the last trace of blood left the paper. 

Edwin let out a breath Crystal hadn't noticed he was holding. Done, he took the parchment, and began ripping it in pieces, keeping each symbol inside its own square of paper, and placed the symbols inside the circle according to the instructions written down by his own hand. The bloody symbols then sank through the paper and sealed themselves to the linen fabric. Edwin waved his hand and all the blank pieces of paper flew from the array. Then he took the necklace from inside the second cup and put it into the first cup. 

He took the bathroom mirror, and placed it in the middle of the circle array spell, then took the necklace out of the cup and flicked it in the air where it remained still, frozen in place at about two metres high. The symbols on the bedsheet and the blood on the necklace pulsed with golden energy every couple of heartbeats.

“I need you,” he started to say, very clearly, “to not, for any reason, enter the circle.”

“All right” she said, heart beating like crazy. 

“Whatever I ask you to bring me, you will put it inside the circle without touching inside it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Edwin repeated, breathing deep. He knelt beside the foggy mirror on the floor and began writing on it with his finger. At the same time, he spoke up, to keep her in the loop. “Charles? Are you there?”

Charles

are you there?

[jerzwriter]

Mono~poly Chapter 2: Love on Tap

A Tobias x Casey AU - Information and Notes

AU Premise: What happens when something that was supposed to be just fun turns into something real? When true love enters the equation between two people who view the very concept of love in different ways, can it work? In this alternate universe, we'll follow Casey and Tobias (and some others along the way) on their journey, where a happy ending is what both desire, but (as in life) nothing is guaranteed.

Fandom: Open Heart, Choices ** Pairing (This Chapter): Tobias Carrick x Casey MacTavish F!MC Other Characters: Jackie Varma, Ethan Ramsey, Sienna Trinh, OC: Addie Larkin Rating: Teen Words: 5,100

Chapter Summary: Tobias & Casey are reveling in their newfound love as those around them have different reactions to the news. Conversations with Ethan have him coming up with realizations of his own, and Casey sees that she and Tobias still have a lot to learn about each other.

A/N: Wow, I posted that without a chapter summary! lol See, don't do things when tired! No notes this time around, hope to have part 3 up next week! Thank you to all who have read this so far, it's so appreciated! :)

SERIES MASTERLIST SERIES INFORMATION MY MAIN MASTERLIST

“You’re out of your fucking mind.”

Standing at the brunch buffet, Jackie scooped a spoonful of scrambled eggs onto her plate as Casey stepped back. Her friend was known for her straightforwardness, which is why she valued her opinions, but her reaction was still surprising.

“This will never work,” Jackie continued. “You’re a smart woman; how do you possibly think it could?”

Casey snatched the last piece of French toast just as Jackie reached for it. She didn’t want French toast, but with her growing annoyance, the petty win offered a sense of satisfaction.

“Thank you, Jackie,” she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I think what you meant to say was, Gee, friend! I’m so happy for you, friend! I can see you’re overjoyed, and that’s wonderful, my friend.”

Jackie sank into her chair and grabbed her fork, stealing the sole piece of French toast from Casey’s plate.

“Stop with the friend shit,” she snapped. “We’re friends because we call each other out on our shit. We’re real... no blowing sunshine up each other’s asses when we’re doing something stupid. That’s the foundation we are built on, and I see no reason to change that now.”

“A little support would be nice...”

“Then I suggest you call Sienna, but make sure to leave out some key details about last night when you do.”

“But I’m not being stupid! Come on! You like Tobias! You play the ‘he’s so irritating’ game, but I’ve seen you together. You welcomed him into our circle. He loves me and treats me like a princess, so why are you so negative about us?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said with a swirl of her fork. “Maybe it’s the conversation you had about offering him a pass to fuck someone else twelve seconds after you exchanged I love yous?”

“Jackie!” Casey snapped, glancing around to ensure no one overheard. “That’s not what happened!”

“It’s not? Because that’s what it sounded like to me.”

“Then I suggest getting your hearing checked because that’s not what I said! I said we’re taking things one day at a time. Neither of us wants to see anyone else right now, but if that changes, we won’t break up or cheat on each other like most people do. We’ll discuss it like adults and see if we can make it work. That’s so horribly immature of me, I can see why you would disapprove!”

Jackie opened her mouth to speak but thought better. With a sigh and a dismissive wave of her hand, she merely replied, “Whatever,” turning Casey’s irritation into ire.

“Really? You know damn well there are many ways to have a relationship! What’s with you! You’re always so open-minded about everything, but when it comes to me, this is how you react!”

“I live in Somerville, Casey! I’m pretty much polyamory adjacent, and you know I have no problem with non-monogamy. The problem is you’re monogamous, and no matter how much you try to tell me that you’d be OK with Tobias telling you he needs next Tuesday free to go fuck that hot nurse he used to hang out with at Kenmore, I know you’re full of shit. So, as your friend, it’s my duty to pull off those rose-colored glasses and make you see the real picture.”

Casey speared a hash brown so forcefully that her fork nearly cracked the plate. “He’s not going to fuck anyone next Tuesday. Did you miss where I said it’s just us?”

“For now,” Jackie emphasized. “It’s just you two, for now. It won’t be easier when you’re together longer, you love him more, you’re planning a future, and then when he tells you he needs... more?”

“Look, I didn’t make any promises outside of I'm willing to try. Obviously, there would be conversations and boundaries. But sex... it’s just sex! If I’m in a loving, happy relationship, why would I throw it away because my partner has a very normal desire to have sex with someone else on occasion?”

Jackie sighed with exasperation. “If you’re cool with it, that’s your choice. But... what if it’s not on occasion? What if he needs two or three nights a week with the side piece. And what if it’s not just sex? What if he falls in love with someone else? Are you willing to share that as well?”

“First, I don’t think the word side piece is used in consensual non-monogamy. Second, he’s 38 years old, and he’s loved one person in his lifetime. ME! So I'm no too concerned about that."

Jackie reached over the table and squeezed her friend's hand, the judgmental look in her eyes softening into one of sympathy. “Casey, we don’t exactly decide who we fall in love with. And when people start bumping uglies... feelings happen. A year ago, you two were just fun, and... now look.”

“Which is why we're taking it day by day.”

“All right,” Jackie resigned. “If this is what you want, I’m happy for you. I just hope you don’t get hurt.”  

“Thank you,” Casey demurred. “... I hope so, too.”

~~~~~

Tobias had an early shift the morning after their big declaration. While he was known for being bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as others glowered at him over their first cup of coffee, today, he was especially effervescent,  and that had people talking.

“I’d say he got laid last night,” a passing resident observed. “But I think that’s pretty much every night for him.” “Rumor has it he and MacTavish are official now!” their friend added. “Official? Carrick?” A nearby nurse scoffed. “Look out the window. If there aren't any floods, locusts, and famine, you got your story wrong.”

But the rumor spread like wildfire, and even those who avoided idle gossip found themselves desperate to know the truth. That included Dr. Harper Emery, who went straight to the source for answers. Swinging the door to the diagnostic team’s office open, she found Tobias seated at the conference table, Ethan reviewing files across from him.

“There you are!” Harper exclaimed.

“Dr. Emery,” Tobias chirped. “How can I be of assistance today?”

Ethan raised his eyes with suspicion, for he had also noticed Tobias’s excessive energy this morning but hadn’t questioned it until now. He wasn’t sure if he had come to expect this from his colleague or that he didn’t much care for the reason, and he was leaning toward the latter. Still, when Harper began questioning, Ethan’s attention was piqued.

“You know I’m not one to engage in hospital gossip, but sometimes, it’s so outlandish the scientist in me needs to determine its validity.”

“Oh, really?” Tobias smirked, pushing away from the table like a peacock about to spread its tail. “And how can I assist you with your dilemma?”

“Don’t be coy with me, Carrick. Is it true? Are you off the market?”

“Off the market?” He chuckled. “As of last night, Casey and I are official if that’s what you’re asking.”

Harper shook her head with amazement as Ethan choked on his coffee. Tobias turned to him with concern. “You all right there, buddy?”

“I’m fine,” Ethan insisted. “Something just... went down the wrong way.”

“You could say that again,” Harper grinned.

“So,” Ethan recovered. “You... and Casey... are official?”

“Yep,” Tobias beamed. “We’ve been unofficially official, but last night, we finally said it out loud.”

“And they said it couldn’t happen,” Harper teased. “But I must say, you do look happy! So I’m happy for you.”

“Oh, I'm unabashedly happy,” he insisted. “We both are.”

“Do you mind if I confirm that we part with Casey?” Harper taunted.

“Feel free! I have no doubt she’ll agree.”

Ethan’s lack of response was noticeable, and the stupified doctor felt the weight of his colleagues’ stares as he struggled to speak. “That’s... great news. I suppose... congratulations.”

Ethan quickly pivoted the conversation to the potential achalasia patient admitted late last night. When the discussion ended, Harper excused herself, but not before congratulating Tobias one more time. With her exit, an awkward silence overtook the room, and while Ethan was content to let it linger, Tobias didn't let it go.

“So, are we going to address the elephant in the room,” he asked. “Or are we going to feed it peanuts to keep it quiet?”

“What?” Ethan asked. “You and Casey? I don’t see why we need to discuss your personal life in a work setting.”

“Well, maybe because we all share the same work setting....”

“You make a point. Will you be notifying HR? You know, to ensure everything is on the up and up.”

“Already scheduled,”  Tobias confirmed. “Case and I already made an appointment to speak with the Director tomorrow.”

“Then,” Ethan slid his glasses back on. “It’s taken care of.”

Tobias anxiously rubbed his chin, his leg jiggling as he decided if he should continue.

“Are you alright with this?” he blurted before having the chance to think it entirely through.

Ethan removed his glasses and placed them back on the table; his mood difficult to read. Anger, annoyance, indifference—any would have been fitting. He reclined in his chair, giving careful thought to his words before continuing.

“Tobias... you and Casey are grown adults... and what you do outside of work is none of my concern.”

“I know that which is why I wasn’t asking for your permission. I’m merely asking if you’re OK with this.”

Ethan shrugged with a weary sigh. “Why ask useless questions, Tobias? Would it make a difference if I wasn’t? Would that change anything? If not, this conversation is pointless.”

“Stop the crap, Ethan. It has a purpose. We all work together. I consider you a friend even if you're not fully on board with that idea. But Casey is absolutely your friend – a good friend – and your opinion will matter to her, so it matters to me.”

Ethan smirked. “Don’t worry, Tobias, I’m not going to tell your girlfriend to break up with you.”

He hid it seamlessly, but the word “girlfriend” stuck in Ethan’s throat, and the discomfort lingered throughout the day, no matter how much he tried to wash it away.

Tobias was not one to be easily annoyed, but he was bordering on exasperation. He eyed the door to ensure it was closed before continuing.

“Ethan... I’m going to put my cards on the table. Even if Casey hadn’t shared some of your history with me, it’s the worst-kept secret at Edenbrook. Add in our own history, and....”

“Ancient history,” Ethan interrupted.

“Yes. Yes, it is. But turn on the news, buddy. Ancient history has a way of fucking up current times real good... and that’s something I don’t want to occur here.”

“Don’t worry,” Ethan assured. “Your relationship with Casey will not be impacted by any history with me unless one of you allows it to.”

“All right,” Tobias mumbled, returning to his work. But after a few moments passed, Ethan was compelled to say something more.

“I know you may not believe me, but... I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

“You are? You don’t have to say it if you don’t...”

“I think you know me well enough to know I won't say anything I don’t mean to placate you. It’s a bit awkward, I’ll give you that. But you appear to make one another happy, and when it comes down to it, I’d like to see you both happy.”

Tobias smiled, and the tension that engulfed them moments before all but melted away.

“Thanks, buddy. That... it means a lot to me.”

“I just have one request.”

“Name it.”

“Be good to her. Don’t... don’t hurt her, OK?”

“Hurting Casey is the last thing I want to do,” Tobias assured. “I mean it. I love her. I’ve never loved anyone like this, and I won't do anything stupid to mess it up.”

Ethan did his best to conceal how those words left him stricken, unintentionally pouring salt into wounds most would have believed were long healed.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Ethan smiled so convincingly he could have been nominated for an Oscar. “Now, let’s get back to work before the rest of the team arrives.”

~~~~~

Casey was blow-drying her hair in her tiny bathroom, though attempting to dry her hair would be a more accurate description. Her roommates—and Bryce—continually barging in was one thing. She was a veteran of that and knew how to usher them away until she completed her task. But today was different.

Today, she longed for a secretary to assist with the non-stop barrage of messages she was receiving. She knew the news would travel fast; it was Edenbrook, after all. But she never expected such an enthusiastic reaction. “OMG IS IT TRUE?” texts arrived by the dozen. Those messages were fun, but she would have put them on hold to continue getting ready. But there was no way she was ignoring the messages coming from her new boyfriend. Boyfriend!

With that, Casey returned to being protector of the mirror; Sienna was her first victim.

“Hey! I was here first!”

The diminutive doctor turned with a sly grin. “Sorry. I love you, but you snooze... you lose.”

“Sienna....” Casey wined. “You’re supposed to be the nice one!”

“I am! Relax, I’m just making a braid. I’ll be out of your hair, no pun intended.”

“All right,” Casey smiled.

“You aren't usually this concerned about your appearance when we're just going to Donahue’s,” Sienna teased. “What makes tonight so special?”

“Si...”

“Oh, I know!” she playfully chided. “It’s your big debut as Dr. Mrs. Carrick.”

Sienna underestimated how quickly her friend could maneuver. Within seconds, Casey grabbed the hot pink spray bottle off the counter and took aim.

“HEY!” Sienna protested.

“Sorry, this is how people train their pets. I’m going to try using it on my roommates.”  

 “You know I’m just teasing you,” Sienna giggled.

“I know. I just don’t want you guys scaring him away. I'm his first serious girlfriend, so let’s leave the word ‘wife’ out of conversations. I want to keep him around a little longer.”

“Around him? Of course!” Sienna insisted. “Around you? No freaking way.”

She gestured toward the mirror with a flourish. “Your mirror awaits! I’ll block the others from entering so you can get ready for your debut.”

She embraced Casey warmly before stepping away. “You look so happy!”  

“I am so happy.”

“And it’s well deserved! Tonight's going to be a great night.”

~~~~~

Casey was a ball of nervous energy as they turned onto Donahue’s street. Her skin-tight black satin pants, glittery gold cami, and matching sandals made quite a statement, and the hair she worked so hard to perfect was now a cascade of luscious, blonde waves. Her friends teased, saying she already landed the guy; she could relax now. But they didn't understand; she simply wanted her exterior to reflect how amazing she felt inside, and she nailed it.

Tobias, dressed a bit more casually than his freshly minted significant other was already waiting. He didn’t require much to command attention. His well-worn pale blue jeans and a black t-shirt that perfectly showcased the work he had been doing at the gym worked just fine.

He attracted a crowd wherever he went, and that’s just how he liked it. Sure, he reveled in the attention, but there was much more. Tobias had a unique talent for making each person feel like they were the only one in the room, and he loved making others feel seen. Tonight’s audience was predominantly strangers who had fallen under his spell, but one familiar face sitting perpendicular to him wasn’t nearly as impressed with him.

Addie had been his friend since he arrived in Boston nearly a decade before. One particularly gloomy night, he couldn’t stand the thought of sitting alone in his apartment for a minute longer, so he headed to a neighborhood watering hole not much different than the one they found themselves in tonight. He was seated alone at the bar when the curly-haired blonde rushed in from the rain, promptly slipping on the floor beside him. He helped her up and offered his medical services; she thanked him, then promptly called him a pervert. His raucous laughter made it clear no offense was taken, and, to Addie, that made him worthy of sharing a beer.

Their friendship blossomed effortlessly, and before long, she showed him enough of Boston for him to feel like a native. She introduced him to people she knew, and sometimes they forgot they hadn't been friends forever.

She hailed from a traditional Boston Irish family with whom she was estranged, but she retained some of their best traits. Addie Larkin knew from a young age that she wasn’t made to fit any mold, and she remained true to that, regardless of the price she had to pay. While she didn’t share Tobias’s boisterous personality, she still commanded the attention of a room as well as he did, and when the two were together, a good time was guaranteed.

They talked frequently and cherished each other but never managed to see each other as often as they wished. In fact, she wouldn’t have been at Donahue’s tonight if she hadn’t heard the news. Tobias Carrick had a girlfriend? She wouldn't believe it until she saw it with her own eyes. Ordering another round of drinks, she rolled her eyes at Tobias, who was entertaining the crowd with a story about the two of them breaking into the Franklin Park Zoo after hours.

“You did not!” A fetching young redhead squeaked, attempting to step closer to the handsome doctor.

“Most certainly did, young lady. But I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the mastermind here.”

“Please,” Addie scoffed. “Tobias has a tendency to make me into much more of a legend than I actually am.”

“That is entirely untrue!”

“It is true. Did he tell you why we snuck in? I was obsessed with the ring-tailed lemur, and after way too much bourbon, I convinced myself that the poor little fella was simply crushed because I hadn’t seen him in two weeks! That needed to be rectified immediately. That’s not legendary children,” she informed. “That’s insanity!”

Tobias draped an arm loosely around her shoulder. “As if insanity and being a legend are mutually exclusive! I’m of the belief that you can't be a legend unless you're a little off."

Ethan sauntered in at that very moment, hopping on the barstool next to Tobias.

“If that’s the case, you have exactly what it takes to be a legend, Carrick.”

“You see!” Tobias raised his beer. “I rest my case.”

Addie was already eyeing Ethan, subtly assessing him. Another trait she shared with Tobias... she could size someone up without them being remotely aware… unless she wanted them to be.

“Well, who is this handsome guy?” Addie asked with a smile.

“Handsome? Behind that scowl, maybe,” Tobias tittered. “This is my friend...”

“His boss,” Ethan injected.

“...Ethan. Ethan, this is my friend....”

“...and legend,” she added.

“...Addie.”

The tiny blonde extended a hand, eyes twinkling. “It’s very nice to meet you, Ethan.”

“Likewise,” he simpered, nodding toward her drink. “Could you use a refill?”

“Thank you, but I’m cut off for the night. I'll be driving soon. I’m only staying to meet Tobias’s girlfriend,” she said to the dismay of several people surrounding them. “I refuse to believe it’s true unless I see it with my own eyes.”

“Trust,” Ethan chuckled, motioning toward the bartender for a drink. “We all felt that way. But I can confirm, it’s for real.”

Addie went to respond, but her phone rang in her purse. “Oh, I have to take this,” she said, sliding down from her stool. “I’ll be right back!”

Ethan’s eyes trailed her as she walked away, only to find Tobias staring directly at him when he looked up. Clearing his throat nervously, he decided he had nothing to lose by asking.

“She seems lovely,” Ethan began. “Is she taken?”

“She is,” Tobias shrugged. “But that never seems to stop her, now that I think of it.”  

“Oh, in that case, I’ll pass. The last thing I need is drama.”

“On the contrary,” Tobias smirked. “I think you need more drama, my friend.”

“Sorry about that,” Addie announced upon her return. “I own a store in Cambridge, and my manager’s sort of new. She had a few questions that couldn’t wait.”

“Oh, what kind of a store?” Ethan inquired.

“Bohemian clothing, metaphysical stuff, incense... no offense, I don’t think you’d find it appealing.”

Ethan glared at Tobias, who choked on his beer.

“Hey, T. Will Casey be arriving soon? Alysha's not ready to close the store on her own yet, so I need to head out soon.”

“Affirmative! She’s on her way. She just got delayed by a five roommate pile up in her bathroom. Luckily, she was still able to get dressed, and no injuries were reported.”

“Five roommates!” Addie approved. “My kind of girl! I’m so glad you didn’t end up with one of those gorgeous, snobby assholes you used to date.”

Now, it was Ethan choking on his Scotch. “You know, I like her.”

“Casey is gorgeous,” Tobias corrected. “But I don’t think snobby or asshole remotely describe her.”

He heard the bells on the front door ring, indicating someone had entered, and turned just in time to see Casey appear.

“There’s my girl!” He hollered, turning to Addie with a brilliant smile. “Told you she’s gorgeous!”

“Hey!” Casey beamed as he pulled her close for a tender kiss. When they broke apart, Tobias had a smile that went all the way up to his eyes.

“Can you do me a favor?” He asked.

“Anything.”

He stepped back, obviously assessing the subject, and let out a low growl.

“Can you walk out and come back in? Because I need to watch that again.”

“Tobias,” she giggled. “How about you watch me walk back from the jukebox. Would that do? Besides,” she said, inconspicuously tapping the front of his jeans. “I have a feeling if you watch me too much, you’ll want to usher me right out of here.”

“Out of here or to the coat closet,” he leered while Ethan muttered something unintelligible.

“There’s plenty of time for that later,” Casey insisted. “Tonight, I'm showing off my new boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend,” Tobias grinned, wrapping his hands around her waist and lifting her onto the bar in front of him.

“Tobias, what are you doing?” She squeaked.

“Hey... everyone! Everyone, look over here. I have an announcement to make.”

Ethan dragged a hand down his face. “Jesus Christ!"

“Do you see this beautiful woman?”

“Yeah,” the crowd roared as Casey turned ten shades of crimson.

“This beautiful angel is my girlfriend, and I want all of you SOBs to know it!”

While most of the patrons cheered, there were some shocked faces and a few disapproving scowls within the crowd. But if anyone noticed them, it wasn't Tobias or Casey, who only had eyes for each other's eyes.

Jackie had elbowed her way through the mele and stood next to Tobias. “Aww, kiss her already!”

“Wow, have we turned you into a romantic?” Tobias asked.

“Oh, fuck no! Just do it and get her ass off the bar so I can order a drink!”

Tobias reached up and placed his hand behind Casey's neck, pulling her down for a long, passionate kiss as wolf whistles and cheers filled the room. Even Jackie managed to smile... just a little.

When Casey was back on solid ground, Addie turned to her with a welcoming grin. “All right, I have to ask because I know this man too well. This is for real, right? He didn’t pay you to pull a prank or something.”

 “No,” Casey assured. “This is the real deal.”

“Well, I’m astonished... and so happy... to hear that. I’m Addie,” she said, extending her hand. “Tobias and I go way back, and I had to come see this for myself!”

Casey enthusiastically shook her hand, mentally sifting through past conversations to see if Tobias had ever mentioned Addie, but nothing registered.

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you,” Casey beamed. But Addie raised a brow.

“He’s never mentioned me, has he?” She turned to Tobias and struck his shoulder. “You prick! You have been dating her for a year, and you never told her about me!”

“Well,” he smiled slyly. “We were often preoccupied with other things.”

“For a full year?” Addie bleated before holding up her hand. “Wait, no. Nevermind. It’s you... I’m sure that’s 100% true.”

Casey looped her arm around Tobias’s waist, and he pulled her close.

“In fairness, until last night, we never defined what we were. I’m sure we still have a lot to learn about each other now.”

“Oh, honey!” Addie said, taking Casey’s hand. “I hope I didn’t offend you. This is just how I bust this asshole’s chops.”

A wide grin spread on Casey’s face. “Oh, we’re going to get along just fine.”

“I’m inclined to agree with you,” Addie winked.

“Oh, great. They're already ganging up on me.”

Ethan raised his glass with a smirk. “This is why I avoid relationships.”

“Oh yeah,” Tobias teased. “That’s why!”

“I wish I didn’t have to cut out so early,” Addie sighed. “But I have to go to Cambridge to help my new manager close my shop. But I’m going to see a friend perform at The Burren in Somerville later; why don’t you guys come?”

“We’d love to,” Tobias grinned, turning to Casey. “But we’re a little tied up tonight.”

“Literally or figuratively,” Addie chortled.

“Whatever she’s willing to do,” Tobias shrugged.

 “Ahh, I’m never going to see this man again, am I, Casey?”

“Oh, no!” Casey insisted. “We'll be spending plenty of time together, of course, but our friends matter, too! He’ll still be seeing you. I'll make sure of it.”

“Well, that’s good to know!” Addie stepped off her bar stool, offering Tobias and Casey a quick hug.

“It was lovely meeting you,” she said to Casey, then looked over her shoulder at Ethan. "You too, by the way."

“Likewise," he nodded. Then Addie was out the door.

“I like her,” Casey confirmed.

"Oh, Addie is the best!"

“We’ll have to hang out sometime. Is she seeing anyone?”

“She has a boyfriend, but I’ve only met him once or twice in passing.”

“Well, we’ll have to change that! Maybe we can double date?”

“I don’t know about this,” Tobias said playfully, looking at his watch. “I have a girlfriend for 20 hours, and she’s already controlling my schedule.”

“Oh, fuck you, T!” She laughed as he snarled.

“Gladly!”

“Oh, Christ!” Ethan interrupted. “Are we going to be subjected to this all night?”

Tobias pat his friend on the back. “Nope. With any luck, you’re going to be subjected to this for the rest of your life.”

“I need to find another bar,” Ethan sighed.

“No, you don't,” Casey insisted, grabbing his hand. “Screw that, come and dance with me.”

“Casey, you know I don’t...”

“Dance with me!”

Ethan turned to Tobias, hoping he would save him. But Tobias just smiled as he hopped back on his stool.

“If the lady says dance... dance.”

Casey was having the time of her life on the dancefloor, while poor Ethan looked like a fish out of water. When the lively tune abruptly led into a slow ballad, Ethan thought he found his salvation. He already had one foot off the floor when he said, “I suppose we should sit.”

But Casey wasn’t done. “Ethan, you’re allowed to dance with me. Tobias isn’t going to bite you.”

“Is this where you tell me that’s because he’s saving it to bite you later?”

“No,” she grinned, placing her arm on his shoulder and keeping a friendly distance between them. “But dance with me. It’s the perfect place to have a private conversation in a crowded bar.”  

She could feel the itchy wool of his sweater scratch against her skin as his chest rose and fell, and she had to smile. Tobias and Ethan were only three months apart in age. Tobias always called himself an old man, but Ethan fit the moniker so much more.

“I didn’t realize we had to talk,” he whispered.

“Well, we do. I wanted to let you know that nothing will change between us. I'm dating Tobias, but our friendship remains the same. You still mean just as much to me.”

“Casey, I...”

“Let me finish!” She scolded as his face softened, that smile only she brought out of him spreading on his lips.

“Go on.”

“You always say I'm your favorite mentee, and you continue to be a mentor to me, but that role is secondary. The most important thing is that you're my friend. I know we didn’t end up where we thought we might a few years ago… or maybe we did. Either way, you’re very important to me. Promise me our relationship won’t change.”

Ethan smiled down at her, silently kicking himself for having been such a fool.

"Nothing will change," he muttered. "I promise."

“Good,” she replied, leaning her head on his chest. “Now, I need to hook you up with someone so we can double date.”

“What's your obsession with double dating?" He laughed. "But there is no need. I am fine as I am."

“No, you’re not,” she dismissed. “There’s no chance you and Harper....”

“Casey...”

“All right, what about Addie? She’s hot, and she was totally checking you out.”

“Did you forget Tobias said she has a boyfriend? Though, he also said that wouldn’t be much of a hindrance.”

“Oh?” Casey said. “Would that work for you?"

“Shut up and dance," he smirked.

Casey stepped back and grinned. "How can we keep dancing? The song is over."

“Then... can have one more?”

“Of course," she smiled.

When the song ended, they returned to the bar, where Tobias welcomed her back. The night was full of drinking, laughter, and friends, and the new couple was unable to keep their hands off each other, becoming more affectionate with each drink imbibed.

“Would you two get a fucking room?” Jackie grimaced.

“I’ve got several rooms at my place,” Tobias purred into Casey’s ear. “What do you say? Ready to get out of here?”

Casey didn’t think twice. “Bye, guys!” she yelled as she clutched Tobias’s hand and raced toward the door. “See you soon!”

Once they were gone, Jackie clinked her beer against Ethan’s. The two took a drink and let out simultaneous sighs.

“This is going to be difficult. Isn’t it?” Jackie asked.

"Varma, you have no idea."

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately

[icysinner]

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡: you decide to throw a christmas party, but you realize that’s not as easy as you think.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: comedic dysfunction lol, mentions of alcohol

𝐧𝐲𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: this was very fun to write i hope u enjoy xoxo

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 625

it took you and connie three, almost four years of being together to decide to live together. by the second year of living in the house, there was a baby and a ring, so it was safe to say the both of you were comfortable. with the holiday season coming around, the third christmas you’d spend in this home, an idea came to mind to throw a christmas party. there wasn’t a reason it was a bad idea, it was your home, and there was nothing but space for it.

“i mean, if that’s what you wanna do.” connie said, a shrug following quickly afterwards. “that response feels like, no, don’t do it.” you replied, a puzzled look overtaking your face. “if you wanna throw a party, i’m down. i’m also more than happy if you don’t, though.” he said, making you shake your head at him. “i was only weary of doing things like that because kylie was so young, but she’s not a newborn anymore, i feel like there’s no reason why i can’t now.” connie nodded, “if you don’t think it won’t be too much work, do it.”

—

you spent the entire week before the party preparing, planning and buying things just for it. the day of the party finally came, and the decorating part was definitely not as easy as you thought it would be all by yourself. in times like this, you need a helping, creative hand, so definitely not connie.

—

y/n

wyd do u love me

sasha

what do u want

y/n

will u help me set up for party tn

sasha

can i carry kylie the whole time

y/n

be my guest she make my arm hurt

—

sasha was nothing short of a saving grace when it came to helping you decorate for this party, you needed ideas and a push to get them there, not a taller person to help you stick up balloons. (although, it was helpful when you needed it. thank you for your contribution, connie.) “i bought stuff to do a picture backdrop, we only have one empty wall in the whole house.” you said, standing in front of the empty white wall. “shots or no shots? are there any kids coming other than yours?” sasha asked as she filled glass jars with chocolate chips and marshmallows.

“yes, but that never stopped the drinks from going around any other time.” you said with a smile as you set out small red solo cups, “so, shots! i love that.” sasha said as she walked into your kitchen, “i know y’all got some tequila or something in here.” she said as she opened up a cabinet. “above the fridge.” you replied, pulling out one of the packages you bought for the party.

—

“it’s pretty in here, you did a good job, mama.” connie said as he pulled you into a side hug, planting a kiss on your forehead. “thank you, baby. it wouldn’t have been possible without you and your added height to get those balloons on the ceiling.” you said with a small smile. “i like the kid’s table, maybe kylie will finally watch gracie’s corner instead of scandal.” connie said, his comment making you laugh. “nah, she know ball, olivia pope is that girl.” you replied, getting the same laugh out of him.

“how many shots you plan on taking tonight?” connie asked as he looked at the ‘entry fee: one shot’ sign, along with the tower of multiple different kinds of alcohol. “as many as god allows.” you replied as you tied a bow around the shot tower. “i’mma remember you said that when you wake up wrapped in tinsel on the living room floor tomorrow morning.”

[acescorazon]

Changes

Chapter: 3/?

word count: 2514

Rating: M

Warnings: Crocodile , Explicit language, minor violence (slightly less than last chapter's lol.)

Chapter excerpt:

Crocodile glances around the room before looking back down at his papers, “It turns out with Buggy’s new status…” He pauses, grimacing slightly, “With the Clown’s new status, the marines won’t just come attacking us out of the blue, but these bounties will definitely be seen as a threat, possibly even a declaration of war, and we have to be prepared for when they do decide to come after us or the event of a buster call.”

A buster call?!

“W-Woah, woah, woah!” Buggy stammers, feeling the familiar sensation of dread rising in the pit of his stomach. “They…They wouldn’t do something crazy like blow up the entire island…right?” He asks, voice starting to crack a little as he speaks, “R-right?”

Mihawk speaks up, in a calm, flat tone, seemingly unworried about the possibility that the island could be wiped off the surface of the planet, “Of course they would,” he replies bluntly, “It’s only a matter of time before they try to annihilate us.”

[Previous part]

Buggy manages to avoid both Crocodile and Mihawk for about a week after the official public debut of Cross Guild, only catching brief glimpses of his ‘underlings’ out of the corner of his eye here and there around the island, before his luck comes to a rather abrupt end one morning. Crocodile calls for their first official meeting, after ordering Buggy beforehand to clear out a space for a makeshift meeting room, and even now Buggy has no idea why they even need a meeting room or to hold a meeting…

The quickest ‘meeting room’ Buggy can come up with is a storage closet filled partly with weapons that he cleared out a little and then put a table, a whiteboard, and three chairs in, and as soon as Crocodile steps foot inside the makeshift room, he sticks his nose high up in the air and sighs, “Whatever, let’s just get started,” He says, tossing an overstuffed manila folder onto the table in the middle of the room and having a seat first. Crocodile is impossible to please, and Buggy questions whether he’s an actual pirate or some kind of corrupted CEO with overly high standards.

“As briefly discussed before, our first step will be putting bounties on the Marines’ heads.” Crocodile opens up his folder, pulling out a couple of neatly stacked papers, “I’ve compiled a list of over one hundred marines, categorizing and ranking them all from highest to lowest bounties already to make things go a little faster,” He hands his papers over to Buggy, who looks at him, stunned and slightly horrified, “You make the bounty posters for them and have them distributed, but do come and see me before you distribute them, I don’t want a repeat of last weeks incident.”  

Yeah…Neither does Buggy.

Buggy looks down at the papers Crocodile just gave him, scanning over the list in utter disbelief… There are so many names here…where did he get all these from?! Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp… Vice Admiral Tsuru….  Vice Admiral Smoker….He reads, and the list continues to grow from there. Crocodile has everyone from Vice Admirals to Captains, to lieutenants and even lowly ranking officers on his hit list, he has people Buggy didn’t even know existed on the list, and for once he’s glad he’s on Crocodile’s side and not one of his enemies.  

“Of course, I don’t expect anyone to be able to take on any admirals, or even Akainu, but you never know what’ll happen,” Crocodile states, handing over what has to be the scariest list of names Buggy’s seen so far. “Moving on, We’ll also need ships, weapons, medical supplies, and most importantly, men and land.”

Woah, woah…Buggy’s still not even over this whole marine thing, are they really just going to skip over the fact that Crocodile was able to compile a list of hundreds of marines within a week? Where did he get this kind of information? “For the time being I want anyone we can get, making these bounties and offering protection to any brave individual who’s willing to take on the marines and or make a criminal out of themselves is the quickest way to get more people on our side because as it stands we only have about two hundred and thirty-five men, and there’s no way we could withstand a possible attack from the government.”

Crocodile glances around the room before looking back down at his papers, “It turns out with Buggy’s new status…” He pauses, grimacing slightly, “With the Clown’s new status, the marines won’t just come attacking us out of the blue, but these bounties will definitely be seen as a threat, possibly even a declaration of war, and we have to be prepared for when they do decide to come after us or the event of a buster call.”

A buster call?!

“W-Woah, woah, woah!” Buggy stammers, feeling the familiar sensation of dread rising in the pit of his stomach. “They…They wouldn’t do something crazy like blow up the entire island…right?” He asks, voice starting to crack a little as he speaks, “R-right?”

Mihawk speaks up, in a calm, flat tone, seemingly unworried about the possibility that the island could be wiped off the surface of the planet, “Of course they would,” he replies bluntly, “It’s only a matter of time before they try to annihilate us.”

Crocodile, who seems equally as unbothered by the idea of a buster call, simply nods, “Exactly, which is why we need more men and land. These bounties will give us men, power, and higher status, but obviously, it’ll come with consequences. There will be a lot of injuries, deaths, and overall destruction by doing this.”

“So why are we doing it?!” Buggy exclaims, “This seems…”

“We can’t live in the world government’s world, can we?” Crocodile asks, still acting a little too nonchalant for Buggy’s liking, “So we’re going to create our own utopia.”

What the fuck does that even mean…?  

Oh, god. They’re going to die. They’re going to be blown to pieces and if they aren’t, they’re going to be executed in front of millions just like…

God, Buggy can’t do this. He can’t handle the idea of his home being blown up, or having to go back to Impel down, or, or being publicly executed. He-

He can’t just leave Cross Guild, Mihawk and Crocodile will kill him. But…remaining in Cross Guild will also get him killed. He’s really going to die. Any path Buggy chooses in life seems like it’ll lead to certain death, and he’s exhausted, he feels like he’s the one with a hit on his head. Buggy thinks back to when he was just a small-time pirate and finds himself missing those days where no one knew who he was or about his past. Back then he could run around freely without worrying about his men or his home being destroyed, but now even if he tried to run away from all his problems, there’s nowhere for him to hide.

God, he’s actually going to die.

There are tears in Buggy’s eyes as Crocodile rises from his seat, pulling out a photo before pinning it to the whiteboard in the room, “We can discuss ancient weapons in the next meeting, but for now let’s move on to land. In the event of a buster call, we’ll immediately have to get off the island and relocate. Now, I’ve picked a few islands out, but this one right here is the most interesting and closest, boys.” He points to the picture on the board, “This is Prickly Pear island, a spacious desert kingdom with a tyrannical king who’s starving his people and hoarding most of the country's wealth and resources. It’s easy pickings, we don’t even have to turn the people against their king, we just show up and ‘save’ all the citizens, and take over.” He grins.   

God, Buggy doesn’t want Emptee Bluffs Island to be blown up and he doesn’t want to live in the desert with Crocodile where he’s practically invincible, he just wants this nightmare to end...He just wishes he were still a warlord, no.. no, he wishes he were just a lowly pirate in Orange Town.  

God, he hates his life so much.

…

Their meeting lasts a lot longer than Buggy would have hoped it would, and he could hardly keep up with all Crocodile’s plans because, you know, there’s that new silly possibility of the world government blowing them to kingdom come… ahaha, so silly. Anyways once the meeting is over, he quickly gets the hell away from Crocodile and Mihawk as fast as possible and looks for men who can make the bounties for the marines because Buggy sure as shit isn’t going to do it himself, though he doesn’t know if they should really be doing this in the first place...

Whatever. Whatever, it’s too late.

Buggy counted one hundred and seventy-five different marines on Crocodile’s list, and the worst part: Crocodile says he’s actively trying to find out more names, and they’re…They’re fucking doomed. At this point, Buggy just has to pick which way he wants to die, and to be honest… He’d rather die by the Marines' hands than Crocodile’s.  

He finds himself anxiously roaming around and just… taking in the view of his island and all the men at work. Even with Mihawk and Crocodile around, Emptee Bluffs Island is bustling and filled with life, and to think that all that could be taken away in a moment's notice just because of Crocodile’s stupid pla--

“Hey, Clown.” God, what now?  Buggy thinks to himself, hating the way that Crocodile can’t be bothered to use his actual name most of the time. “I forgot to tell you that I want a main ship built right away.”

Buggy sighs, turning around to face his tormentor, ”But my men are already busy trying to fix the ships the marines didn’t completely destroy.”

“And? Find someone to build me a flagship, and make it quick.”

So bossy and annoying… Buggy closes his eyes and sucks in a deep breath, trying to remain calm. If he lets his pride and his ego get the best of him right now, he’s going to lose his life. For once in his life, he should just shut up… But the urge to tell Crocodile to go to hell is so strong…Crocodile’s so demanding, and Buggy… just wants to…

“Yes.” He replies a moment later, not wanting to get on Crocodile’s bad side again, he’s had enough of that for a lifetime. “Sure. I’ll get right on that.” He tries to end the conversation there and walk away, but Crocodile stops him, “One last thing, clown, about your appearance…”

After Crocodile has threatened to sell him into slavery, beat him senseless, took over his island, and gave him the world’s most unreasonable requests and expected him to fulfill everything in such a short amount of time, why was the straw that broke the camel's back Crocodile criticizing his appearance? “I don’t want Cross Guild to be seen as a joke. Get rid of the onesie and the annoying red nose.”

Get rid of the annoying red nose…

He told him to…He told him to…. Buggy stares at Crocodile, speechless, he feels like saying something he might regret, but it’ll get him killed. He wants to live… this whole time he’s been fighting for his life…and to throw it away so carelessly… “Understand?” Crocodile asks with a displeased look now on his face, not that Buggy knows why he’s looking at him like that.

Get rid of the annoying red nose.

This altercation marks the first (and last) time Buggy tells Crocodile to, “Eat shit and die.” and things go as well as one would expect them to as soon as the insult leaves his mouth. He really should have kept his big mouth shut, but he didn’t, and instantly ends up regretting his actions, like always.

Crocodile chases Buggy all around the island, face red and filled with rage as he screams every cuss word imaginable at Buggy, and Buggy runs away like he owes Crocodile money, which, coincidentally, he does. “I’msosorry,” He babbles out, and the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ has to be his favorite phrase considering how often he uses it these days, “I didn’t mean to…” Oh, who is he kidding? He met everything he said, but he doesn’t think he should get murdered for his words alone.

Buggy runs past a few of his beloved crew members: Cabaji, Mohji and Richie, and finally, Alvida, but no one seems interested in helping him out. They all watch as he runs by, looking confused, then horrified, then once realization finally sets in, they simply look the other way. Cowards! All of em are cowards, and they have absolutely no loyalty!  

Crocodile does end up capturing Buggy though, he’s incredibly stubborn and that is yet another thing that Buggy has come to find out about his new business partner. He also really hates being insulted, go figure, and ends up punching the shit out of Buggy’s poor face, again, leaving welts all over him as he so graciously reminds Buggy that he can gut him like a fish at any moment if he wanted to and that he’s lucky to be alive.

Buggy begs for mercy the entire time, but that only seems to anger Crocodile more and he calls him…What was it…? Oh, that’s right, he calls him ‘A worthless coward who should have never been made an emperor’, and then proceeds to tell him how much he hates him.

He makes Buggy feel so good about himself…haha…

They never come to an agreement, Crocodile just grows tired of kicking Buggy’s ass and leaves, and Buggy winds up filled with more hatred than before for Crocodile, picking himself and his teeth up off the ground after his beating, skull still throbbing from Crocodile’s wrath. Okay, maybe he deserved that ass-kicking, but he still thinks Crocodile went a little too far… Nevertheless, Buggy continues on with his day, now instructing some of his crew who are shipwrights to build Crocodile his stupid ship for stupid Cross Guild, hoping that for once his crew will do something half-assed and that the ship will end up sinking or capsizing when Crocodile (and hopefully only Crocodile.) is onboard.

((A/N: Redeeming this fucker (Crocodile) is going to be a BITCH. Trust in me and the process, we'll get to where we need to go though. Thanks for reading, i love you pookies~! ALSO P.S ...Think the next few chapters might have depressed Buggy sooo.. BUT TRUST IN THE PROCESS BABIES.))

[acourtofthought]

Hello. What's your opinion on Elain saying "When I sleep, I can hear your heart beating through the stone. Can you hear mine?" to Lucien?

I've seen some E*riels say it's not about Lucien at all, and she must be thinking of a vision/Koschei. (I don't exactly remember what random theory they had for it, they have too many lol) Your view?

I personally thought it was to Lucien— but even he seemed uncertain — when he replied "No, Lady, I cannot." Elain replies back telling no one could, except Graysen and gets emotional. Can you give your opinion on this conversation? Thanks!

I've also seen this theory, that because Elain angled her head toward the city it meant she was not talking to Lucien but of someone else.

Except that makes absolutely no sense at all especially with what we know of Elain at the time.

Just a few pages before she interacted with Lucien we had this:

Still staring at the window, but she was out of her room.

Then:

I murmured, "Hello," and shut the doors behind me.

Elain didn't turn.

Then:

"What are you looking at?" I asked Elain, keeping my voice soft. Casual.

Her face was wan, her lips bloodless. But they moved - barely - as she said, "I can see so very far now. All the way to the sea."

Indeed, the sea beyond the Sidra was a distant sparkle. "It takes some getting used to."

"I can hear your heartbeat - if I listen carefully. I can hear her heartbeat too."

And then:

Elain's eyes at last slid to mine. The first time she'd done so.

Now there is a chance that the "her heartbeat" might be referring to Vassa but Elain was not looking at Feyre when she said "I can hear your heartbeat" and it's pretty certain that while in conversation with Feyre and referring to the heartbeat she's hearing as "your" we can infer that she is in fact talking about Feyre's heartbeat. It would be odd to be talking directly to someone (regardless of where you're looking) and refer to a non present party as "your".

So why then when Elain says to Lucien (because they had been going back and forth in a conversation) "When I sleep, I can hear your heart beating through the stone" would she be talking to someone who is not present regardless of her looking out the window when it was said.

Also, "When I sleep," she murmured, "I can hear your heart beating through the stone." She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. "Can you hear mine?"

Lucien and the reader might think she's initially asking if he can hear her actual heartbeat, the question seems literal enough. Feyre responded in a similar fashion, thinking on how after initially being turned fae all the sounds were overwhelming. But it's not until Luicen says no (I think he's responding in a literal fashion, that he can't actually hear her the sound of her heart beating through the stone walls of the HOW which nobody seems capable of doing) that we realize that's not the full extent of what she's asking. It seems like she's speaking to something deeper which actually meant, "can you hear what is inside my soul? Can you see who I am?" because she then follows it up with "No one ever does. No one ever looked - not really."

I don't even fault Lucien for not knowing what she meant because he just met her and even her sister didn't understand what Elain was saying at times, none of them did for a few weeks.

But regardless, I think the reason she then angled her head "as if the city view held some answers" is one of a few possibilities.

Either she's just staring off in the distance while talking as she did multiple times during this particular round of scenes.

Or it's meant to indicate that her powers or connection to Lucien allowed her to see to the heart of who he is (his soul, his dreams) and while recalling those memories her body performed an action we see her do at a later point. Once her powers are given a name and they begin asking her questions she cocks her head as if listening to some inner voice and squints as if the answer to a question required some inner clarification. It's clear that when she's tapping in to things there are motions that accompany it.

Or maybe, since she angles her head then asks if he can hear her "heart" she's giving us a clue that her dreams, her hopes, are somewhere out there for her to find.

Sarah told us that Elain is a quiet dreamer and that usually means the place one is currently at is not their deepest desires. Either Elain senses the same of Lucien, that his true dreams of who he wants to be lay beyond the life / situation he's currently in or she's thinking of her own.

Or maybe she sees all the guilt, sorrow, and loss within Lucien's heart and looks off into the distance, the expanse of the world, to indicate that she knows his heart was left far away centuries ago, that up until this point in his life he never really got it back and that he's been struggling as a result.

There are a lot of deeply poignant meanings that scene could have but leave it to anti's to water it down so that Elain, though speaking directly to Lucien before and after, randomly throws in a single line intended for someone not even in the room with them. Something she's never done, she's never once directed a question to someone who is not present while others are in the room with her. Something that is easy to disprove when you stop to consider that if she were not talking to Lucien then she would not have responded to him when he answered her question.

"When I sleep, I can hear your heart beating through the stone. Can you hear mine?"

He wasn't sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, "No lady. I cannot."

Her too-thin shoulders seemed to curve inward. "No one ever does. No one ever looked - not really."

It's clear she was anticipating an answer from Lucien because she asked a question, he answered and she responded. That's how conversations work.

And again, I would expect Lucien to be a little clueless in this moment considering his guilt over Jesminda, realizing that for the first time there's another female who has him in the way Jesminda once did.

It took Rhys weeks / months to truly help pull Feyre out of her depression and even then he had to ask her "what do you want Feyre?". Anyone insulting Lucien for not fully understanding the context of Elain's question the very first time he ever met her and when she was extremely depressed should probably take a closer look in the mirror considering Az still doesn't seem to understand Elain all that well 2 years after knowing her.

[dollfaceirene]

Hi i don't know if you'll reply/repost this ask but i really believe what i have to say is needed to help people in the manifestation community i am only sending this to you because you are one of the few active ones with a decent following that can get the word out..

The amount of complications people in this community have brought upon themselves is just infuriating and annoying the amount of creators/blog writers that come up with something new every week are just deceiving and preying on people who want to have a better life if you care i hope you'll post this.

Lies and overcomplications like;

'You shouldn't feel lack' 'don't focus on the 3d' 'know that you have it and go on with your life' 'this is the only way you can manifest' 'don't try to affirm or visualize it won't work its just endlessly affirming' 'feel it know' the amount of 3d and 4d 'live in imagination' is all a bunch of bs what Neville said is not the final! And you all seem to forget that

You can do all that and still get what you want sure! you can manifest this way too but why overcomplicate it?

(Yes there is a possibility that spreading this misinformation may not be necessarily intended to cause harm and might be just a misunderstanding from bloggers as well but it still causes to harm to those who are vulnerable and are just wanting to better their life and learn about manifesting)

None of this matters you are the only one who makes yourself manifest and there are many ways and you can use any way/method the problem on tumblr is people push only one way no you don't need to be fulfilled in imagination or 'know you have it and shut up in order to manifest sure Neville found a good way but its not the only way but the amount of people here who push this as if it's the only way and say if you don't do this you will never manifest are fcking playing with people's time and energy! i'm here to root for how far visualization affirming and robotic affirming goes,just for the average person its just such a quick and easy and 'failproof' way to 'get you desires' you don't need to hate the word 'get it' or something like that you don't have chase after knowledge or understanding to 'finaly manifest', when i went back to watching sammy and just affirming with no care about believe the thoughts no care about things like 3d or 4d no care about fulfilment or doing it to get it or anything like that...I've been carefree i don't worry at all...we are always learning about life and spirituality but you don't need an awakening or some sacred knowledge to manifest

You can read these posts that helped me but please no more,thats it no need to scroll and scroll and search for an answer

You don't need to read it all throughly just get the main idea you're good (most of them are short)

https://www.tumblr.com/imperfect777/744087420843245568/stop-scrolling-on-tumblr-twitter-pinterest-etc?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/miracledarling/715265433528320001/the-key-to-manifesting?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/sp0iledprincess55/744703729957257216/100-proof?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/dreamsintoreality111/672119540555153408/hey-do-you-prefer-to-change-appearance-through?source=share

My tips and experience..

All this time after being kinda obsessed with the void state (don't even get why people renamed the i am state by Neville lol) trying all things but just being lazy giving up restarting and going back to the old way of thinking, thinking 'why i fail' but now looking back and realizing i just got distracted and stopped never persisted .... now i realize how easy it is but what tumblr was doing was just discouraging me all along so many people lied or were misguided and said 'don't endlessly affirm just decide' implying if you try affirming you'll do it endlessly and never have what u want.. and so i listened....i used to watch sammy after a few videos last year i joined tumblr for a few 6 months at some point i was just reading things which have already been said and read..so i quit and decided to delete tumblr to just actually apply because reading the same thing over and over is no use...i'm now watching sammy ingram again so this is what i vouch for, affirming and thoughts watching sammy ingram (if just deciding or knowing seems like its not for you sammy ingram is great and in my opinion if i also just know or decide its mine then by affirming aren't i just reminding myself..'knowing' & 'deciding' in a way too?) again sammy joe dispenza is more helpful compared to tumblr over 6 months... i have logged back after a month typing this rn to help people and will delete my acc today even the creators i used to follow haven't posted in weeks and i urge people to leave tumblr after a certain point please live your life.

reposting becuz i agree with this 100%. Alot of stuff in the loa community is so overcomplicated and conflicting which just makes stuff seem way more complicated then it actually is

[xaeydnquartz]

Part of me kinda wants to stop DMing my first and current campaign? IDK just need to vent

So, brief expo. like many, got into CR during the pandemic (mainly due to "The Legend of Vox Machina" which lead to me actually bingeing the all 3 campaigns) During which time a friend (who was in my immediate friend group but like the rest of my friend group, i didnt really feel close to) told me that he was really into CR as well. As a fresh new critter, i was stoked. Was able to share my blossoming love of CR with someone (FINALLY!) during which we both mentioned how D&D looked so much fun and that it would be really great to be able to play and ooo what if we got our friends together and played.

After which we discussed, if we did, who would be DM? Seeing as how none of our friends really played D&D our talk lead to either my friend or me and after asking the question "Which do you think you would prefer more?" It was clear i would try my hand at DMing (i like lore in games, and i like storytelling, and im a tad bit of a control freak at times, lol)

Anyway, we eventually got in touch with our close knit of friends, and though i intended to be a standard 6 we suddenly had an 8 party party (and that was with me having to tell even less close friends there wasnt room).

Feeling it would still be manageable (as there was precedent that i could pull inspo from, CR) i began planning a rough idea of a campaign and working with my friends to create their characters and running a session 0 so we were all on the same page. You know standard stuff.

-Fast Forward to current date and time-

It has its stressful moments, but i still am able to enjoy the time with my friends for the most part (though theres a lot of times were ive never felt lonelier) Which brings me to the whole point of the post, my need to vent to the void about this loneliness. Nobody really gets in touch or interacts with me at all. Not to talk about the campaign or even collab on their characters. The most i get are occasional critiques about how i could have done something better couple sessions prior and request to add another person to the 8 person party. When we have sessions, people show up late quite often, leave early quite often, have to cancel as they have other things they are doing (even though we planned and scheduled weeks prior) and even when people are there they somtimes feel like they arent always present. i already feel extremely distant from all of them as they all live closer to each other while i live on the totally opposite side of the state and theyve known each other way longer than i have, but the minimal interactions they have with me, the DM/GM of all people, just continues to add to all of it I know we all are busy with our lives, and that compared to those things D&D is really not that big of a deal or important. And i get that, it is just a game afterall, but it still manages to hit pretty hard

I've communicated my feelings through our time of this campaign, if im being honest, maybe not this indepth. I mean, its partially because i barely see or talk to them (again life gets in the way) but also because i feel extremely guilty for putting this kind of tension to something we are all supposed to be enjoying and relaxing to. Its especially painful as most recently 2 players, who said they would get in touch with me about changes possibly being being made to their characters, never got in touch in anyway shape or form, and its been about a month now? And session is in a week...i didnt even get much as a reply back. Idk, its been almost about a year now and i felt i just needed to get this out somewhere other than debating myself.

Thanks for listening tumblr.

[oldiesstationlover11607]

okok i may have gotten ahead of myself with the christmas themed ask LMAO even tho you totally killed it and may or may not have put me into a holly jolly mood- ITS OCTOBER I NEED TO SLOW DOWN (slowtown reference?)

in honor of spooky season, may i request tyler x reader on tour during october, where reader totally goes crazy with the spooky decorations?

stickers, fake spiders and spiderwebs, fairy lights, and other decorations allll over the tour bus, backstage, tyler's instruments, etc.

maybe a bit of that tiktok trend of people covering their partners car and face with cutesey stickers lol!!

imagine tyler appearing on stage in Serious Clancy mode with cute halloween stickers all over his face, arms, and mic 😭🥹

trust, this will not be the last halloween themed ask i conjure up this month 😌

i look forward to seeing this come to life!!

hope all is well 🫶🏼

🕸🕸🕸🕸

Haunted Bus - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: none! :)

Word Count: 2614

A/N: This was so much fun to write lol I had so many ideas - halloween is my favorite holiday so I was so excited to see this request. I made it a bit niche by adding that the reader is from NZ like me where we don't really tend to celebrate it which explains why she goes crazy :) also featuring debby and josh bc we luv them! can't wait to see the next request!

It had taken everything in me to stay home while the boys were touring in October. Tyler knew how much I loved Fall and Halloween—it had become our thing. Every year, we’d transform our house into a spooky wonderland, with pumpkins lining the porch, fog machines hidden in the bushes, and skeletons dangling from the eaves. No matter how hard we tried to adjust the schedule, this time, it just wasn’t possible. The best he could do was promise we’d be home by October 14th, just in time to celebrate. But in the meantime, I was determined to bring Halloween with me, no matter where we were. By the time October rolled around, we were only a few weeks away from the end of the American leg of The Clancy Tour, and I was itching to dive into the spooky season. Debby, always my partner in crime, knew exactly what I needed. That morning, we woke up early, leaving Tyler fast asleep, and made our way to Target.

“Oh my god, look at all this!” I practically squealed as we entered the Halloween section, grabbing a red basket and darting toward the decorations. “This is like… heaven. We don’t have anything like this back home!”

Growing up in New Zealand, Halloween had never been a big deal, so the over-the-top decorations in American stores still blew my mind. There were aisles of fake skeletons, glowing ghosts, fog machines, and everything in between. It was like stepping into my dream version of Halloween.

Debby chuckled, shaking her head. “I still don’t get how you survived so many years without a proper Halloween, Y/N.”

“I have no idea,” I replied, pressing every button on the animatronic toys until they were all blinking, buzzing, and screeching. Halloween had become a serious obsession for me. The first year I started dating Tyler, Debby and Josh invited me to their legendary Halloween party, and ever since, I was hooked. Now I talked about the holiday year-round, planning decorations and themes months in advance.

“We should totally make the buses look haunted,” I said, grabbing a couple bags of fake spiderwebs and tossing them into the basket. “We could go all out.”

Debby laughed. “You know we don’t have that much space, right?”

“I know, but we have to get spiderwebs. At least those will fit!” I said, grabbing a few more packets just to be sure. Debby picked up a few boxes of orange fairy lights and handed some to me.

“We used these last time around Josh’s drum kit, and it looked amazing. He told me to pick up more. I’m sure you can find some use for them on your bus.”

Before long, our baskets were overflowing with decorations—candy corn, ghost window gels, pumpkin stickers, and all the spooky essentials. The thought of surprising—and slightly annoying—Tyler with a fully decorated haunted bus made me feel like a kid again. I was practically buzzing with excitement as we headed back, already plotting out how to turn our bus into a Halloween wonderland.

When we got back, Tyler was still fast asleep, so I tiptoed into the bus, trying not to wake him. I got straight to work, channeling my inner Halloween decorator. I stretched fake spiderwebs over the cabinets, stuck glowing ghost decals onto the windows, and placed a pumpkin spice candle on the counter. The bus was starting to look like a Halloween explosion, and I couldn’t help but grin as I imagined Tyler’s reaction.

Tyler eventually stirred, letting out a groggy groan as he reached out, his hand searching for me on the other side of the bed. I crawled beside him, watching as his sleepy eyes blinked open. His brow furrowed slightly, and I could tell he hadn’t noticed anything yet.

“I’m right here, hun,” I whispered, smiling as I leaned in closer.

“Good morning,” he croaked, his voice thick with sleep. His nose wrinkled, and he squinted toward the kitchen. “What’s that smell?”

“Pumpkin spice candle,” I said, biting back a grin. 

Tyler stretched and yawned before his eyes finally took in the scene around him—the fake spiderwebs stretched across the kitchen, the ghost decals on the windows, the plastic spiders scattered across the counter. His sleepy expression morphed into one of amused disbelief.

“How did you…?

“Debby took me to Target,” I said innocently, suppressing a giggle.

He shook his head, his lips curving into a small, knowing smile. “Of course she did. You just love spooky season, don’t you?”

“More than anyone,” I declared proudly.

Tyler sighed, running a hand through his messy hair as he surveyed the Halloween transformation. “You’re going to drive Josh insane with all this.”

“Josh will love it,” I shot back, hopping off the bed and heading toward the kitchen. “Besides, Debby helped me pick everything out, so he doesn’t get a vote.”

Tyler chuckled, rubbing his eyes as he padded toward the shower. “I don’t know what I’m more scared of—the haunted bus or how far you’re planning to take this.”

“You have no idea what’s coming,” I teased, winking as he disappeared into the bathroom.

Once he was gone, I pulled out the rest of the decorations Debby and I had picked up and headed to the venue. Debby and Josh were already there, decorating Josh’s drum kit with the orange fairy lights, while I set to work sticking pumpkin stickers across Tyler’s bass and even sneaking a few onto the piano keys. We scattered more fake spiders and webs throughout the dressing rooms and across the arena, adding to the overall spooky vibe. By the time Tyler joined us, he was stumbling across Halloween decorations every few steps, muttering under his breath each time he found another sticker or plastic spider.

But no matter how much he tried to act annoyed, I could tell he was secretly enjoying the chaos. Every now and then, I’d catch him peeling off a sticker, only for me to stick another one somewhere else when he wasn’t looking. His exasperation was growing, but so was that mischievous smile he couldn’t hide.

As the afternoon wore on, the whole crew had gotten into the Halloween spirit. Josh was drumming with little skeletons dangling from his kit, Debby was sticking glow-in-the-dark bats onto his drumsticks, and even the crew had added their own decorations to equipment cases and dressing room doors.

Tyler, meanwhile, was wandering the venue with a bemused expression, fake spiderwebs clinging to his jacket and tiny pumpkins stuck to his guitar case. I had to stifle a laugh when I saw a bright green ghost sticker on his shoulder that he hadn’t noticed yet.

“You’re really pushing your luck, Y/N,” he teased, giving me a playful glare when he caught me giggling.

I grinned, leaning back against the soundboard. “You love it. Admit it.”

He opened his mouth to argue but was interrupted by Josh shouting, “Tyler, look at your uke!”

We all turned to see Josh holding up Tyler's ukulele, now with a large spider sticker plastered right at the base of the neck. Tyler groaned, running a hand through his hair, but he couldn’t hide the smile tugging at his lips.

“How did I not see that earlier?” he muttered, shaking his head.

Debby and I exchanged a mischievous look before bursting into laughter. “You were too busy focusing on the tiny pumpkins I stuck on the piano keys,” I teased.

Tyler sighed dramatically but couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. As the evening approached and the fans started filling the venue, the spooky decorations spread everywhere. The stage, the dressing rooms, the buses—everything had a touch of Halloween madness. Fans even showed up in costumes, snapping pictures of the stage decked out in orange fairy lights and haunted decor.

When it was finally time for the show, Tyler stepped onto the stage, falling into his intense Clancy persona. The crowd erupted in cheers, and for a moment, he was completely focused. But then, mid-song, he noticed the bright orange pumpkin sticker I’d placed on his mic earlier. His lips twitched as he tried to maintain his serious expression, but I saw him bite back a smile. It got worse when he caught Josh’s eye. Josh, sitting behind his drum kit surrounded by glow-in-the-dark bats, was giving Tyler a look that screamed, What have we become? Tyler cracked—he turned away from the crowd, pretending to adjust his in-ear monitor, but I saw the laugh he was holding in.

As the night wore on, the decorations became part of the performance. Fans pointed out the tiny pumpkins and skeletons strung across the stage, snapping pictures and laughing at the haunted spectacle. Tyler, still fighting to keep Clancy intact, kept getting caught off guard by the random Halloween touches I’d added. His mic, his guitar, even his water bottle had tiny pumpkins and spiders stuck to them.

During the encore, he finally gave in. As he came back onstage for the final song, he raised his arm to reveal the black cat temporary tattoo I’d sneakily applied earlier. The crowd erupted in laughter, and Tyler just shook his head with a grin.

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” he said into the mic, holding up his arm for the audience to see.

The fans cheered louder, and I felt my cheeks flush with pride as I stood offstage, watching him with a satisfied grin. Tyler finished the set with the stickers still plastered all over his gear, and by the end of the night, I knew I had succeeded in turning the tour into the ultimate Halloween experience.

As the last notes of the encore rang out and the lights dimmed, Tyler came offstage, still shaking his head in amused disbelief. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close as we made our way back toward the dressing room. The sound of the crowd's final cheers still echoed in the air, filling me with a sense of joy that felt as electric as the Halloween lights strung throughout the venue.

“You're lucky I love you,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my temple, a sweet reminder of how special moments like this were to us.

“I know,” I replied smugly, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “And you’re lucky I didn’t cover your entire face in stickers.”

Tyler groaned dramatically, rolling his eyes. “Please don’t give them any ideas,” he said, nodding toward Josh and the crew, who were still cackling about the Halloween chaos. “I’ll be peeling stickers off my stuff for weeks.”

I shrugged playfully. “Totally worth it,” I replied with a wink, letting go of his waist to gather up a few stray decorations left behind.

We entered the dressing room, which was still littered with remnants of our Halloween takeover. Fake spiders crawled across the table, and a few pumpkin stickers had managed to find their way onto crew members' gear. The atmosphere was light and buzzing, filled with laughter and excitement from the show.

As I started collecting the decorations, Tyler leaned against the wall, arms crossed, watching me with a smile. “You know, this has actually been kind of fun,” he admitted, a hint of sincerity in his voice. “Even if it is a total disaster.”

I shot him a teasing glare. “A total disaster? This is a masterpiece! Wait until next year; we’ll have the whole tour bus covered in cobwebs and pumpkin lights.”

“Next year, huh?” he mused, clearly already imagining the chaos I had in store. “You might need to start planning now.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” I replied, laughing as I tossed another handful of stickers into a bag. “I’m going to need an entire month of preparation for the ultimate Halloween tour.”

As we finished tidying up, Josh sauntered in, his hair still slightly damp from the post-show shower. “You guys seriously went all out. I can’t believe how many stickers you managed to get on our stuff,” he said, shaking his head in amusement.

“Hey, you’re just as much to blame for this,” Tyler shot back, gesturing toward the decorations that surrounded us. “You encouraged her!”

Josh held up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just here for the fun, man. But next year, I’m putting my foot down. No more pumpkin stickers on my kit, alright?”

“Challenge accepted,” I said with a grin, leaning closer to Josh as I started to plot out my next Halloween invasion.

The conversation shifted to plans for the next few shows, but I could feel the warmth of Tyler’s arm resting around my shoulders. As he leaned in closer, I felt a flutter in my stomach. This was what I loved most about being on the road with him—the spontaneous moments, the laughter, and how easy it felt to share the chaos of life together.

After a while, as the laughter faded and we began to wrap things up, Tyler turned to me, his expression softening. “You know, it’s these little moments that make everything worth it,” he said quietly, glancing around the dressing room, now a blend of spooky decor and lingering laughter.

“I couldn’t agree more,” I replied, leaning into him, feeling his warmth seep into me.

With the decorations finally packed away, we made our way back to the bus. The excitement of the show still hung in the air, and I could see Tyler’s contentment reflected in the twinkle of the fairy lights strung up in the bus. He opened the door, and we stepped inside together, the cozy atmosphere wrapping around us like a warm blanket.

“Okay, but we have to leave a few decorations up,” I said, grabbing a couple of leftover spiderwebs and tossing them onto the couch. “Just to keep us in the spirit till we get home.”

Tyler chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Not a chance,” I replied, smirking as I sank into the couch, pulling him down next to me. “This is only the beginning.”

As we settled in, I snuggled up against him, the bus rocking gently as the night wore on. We spent the rest of the evening recounting our favorite moments from the show and joking about the fans’ reactions to the Halloween madness. With each laugh and shared glance, I could feel our connection deepening. The world outside faded away, and in this moment, it was just us—wrapped up in our own little universe, where the spirit of Halloween reigned supreme.

“I can’t wait to see what kind of trouble we’ll get into next year,” Tyler mused, a playful grin spreading across his face.

I smiled back, feeling a rush of excitement. “Next year? Just wait until we turn our house into a haunted mansion!”

“Bring it on, spooky girl,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “Just promise me you’ll let me get through one more tour before you unleash your full Halloween arsenal on me.”

“Deal,” I replied, biting back a smile. “But I can’t make any promises about the off-season.”

As the night wore on, we sat in comfortable silence, the glow from the pumpkin spice candle flickering softly around us. I leaned my head on his shoulder, soaking in the warmth of the moment. Halloween may have just begun, but this tour had already turned into an unforgettable adventure—one filled with laughter, love, and more than a few stickers.

And I knew, deep down, that as long as I had Tyler by my side, every season, every tour, and every moment would be just as magical, chaotic, and full of laughter as this Halloween had been.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[heylittleriotact]

ao3 tag game

@emmg tagged me because she appears unbothered by my tendency to overshare (aw 🥰).

But now I’m tagging @emmg BACK because I wanna know these things about you, so DO IT (please). Also tagging @allofthebarks, @preciouslittlebhaalbae, and @xxnashiraxx if they feel so inclined 🤍

How many works do you have on ao3?

Twenty-one (21)!

What's your total ao3 word count?

495,163

What fandoms do you write for?

Baldur's Gate 3, Dragon Age, Dungeons & Dragons, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Top five fics by kudos:

Antemortem (Dragon Age - Emmrich x Female Rook smut)

Visitation (Dragon Age - Emmrich x Female Rook smut)

Open Invitation (Baldur's Gate 3 - Astarion x Feylock Tav longfic)

Algor Mortis (Dragon Age - Emmrich x Female Rook fluff/smut)

Suture (Dragon Age - Emmrich x Female Rook fluff)

Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to every comment I get! Sometimes it takes me a week or two because I tend to block off Monday mornings strictly for comment replying, but it means so much to me when people take the time to read my work and share their thoughts with me - I feel like it's the least I can do to say thank you - also I tend to drop secrets in comment replies, so that's always fun.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Endless Possibilities - my completed Solavellan fic that wrapped up in 2017. It takes place about a year after Trespasser and focuses on my Lavellan who's racing against the clock to stop Solas because in a cruel twist of fate, she has fallen terminally ill and before she dies she is convinced she can change his mind. There are no happy endings in this story: Lavellan basically goes off the deep end and becomes more and more desperate knowing that she's dying - she gets increasingly aggressive and treats herself with less and less regard as the story goes on, and dies at the end, a burned out husk of the vibrant promise that she once held.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Casket Spray - my smutty imagining of Emmrich and my Rook's act 3 love scene. I think it’s probably the sweetest, most romantic thing I’ve ever written. I usually thrive on torturing my blorbos, but I am actually incapable of harming Emmrich and Amina and can only imagine utter joy and happiness for them both. This fic underscores that: there’s tender lovemaking, passionate and meaningful soul-fucking, and we cap it all off with a marriage proposal avec cute pillow talk in a goddamn sarcophagus. It’s revolting. I’m thrilled for their future. You just know that wedding is going to be stunning.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not on ao3. Ffnet back in the day was another story lol

Do you write smut?

That’s all I seem to write these days, which is impressive because I’ve written fic for twenty years and only this year decided to start getting extremely explicit when it comes to people fucking.

Craziest crossover?

I don’t really do crossovers, so I suppose the closest thing would be the fact that I decided my feylock Tav’s patron is actually my D&D PC. Make a Drunken Master Monk Eladrin into an archfey - what could possibly go wrong? So like… it’s kind of a weird incestual D&D on D&D crossover when you break it right down? I have entertained the idea of dumping Senna into Thedas on more than one occasion. I feel like the potential hate-fucking that could occur with Solas would be biblical. That’s pretty cracky though, and I haven’t indulged in that kind of nonsense in years hahaha.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No one wants to claim responsibility for the nonsense I write lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware of haha.

Have you ever co-written a fic?

That’s how @allofthebarks and I became friends when she was the new kid in grade eight and I had to show her around. Our Inuyasha fics were the foundation of a friendship that could not be snuffed even when she fucked off to Texas years later. My gift to her for being my Maid of Honour last year was a hardbound volume of all of the Harry Potter fic we wrote together through high school and the years after. JK may be a hideous terf, but she’ll never take that away from me 🙌

All time favorite ships?

- Solas x Lavellan (Dragon Age): poetic, angsty, utterly tragic and beautiful. What more needs to be said? It’s timeless. Perfect.

- Atton Rand x Exile (KotOR 2): I’m a sucker for a redemption arc, and as bare bones and unfinished as the romance was in that game, you could really sink your teeth into it and go to some cool places if you used your imagination.

- Emmrich x Mourn Watch Rook (Dragon Age): Is rapidly moving up the list - it’s such a good fit for a true love/soul mate pairing and it makes my heart happy whenever I think about it. I love the idea of a pairing that consists of two lonely people who finally found each other and get to be so, so in love that it makes you sick. Inject it directly into my veins please.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ooooh tough. I started a sequel to my tragic Solavellan fic in which a spirit of Hope manifested physically in the form of Lavellan, and it had a lot of potential and I think about it often, but I’ll never finish it, I’m afraid.

I do need to finish my Astarion x Tav fic, but it’s been on hiatus since October because apparently when you decide to project years of personal trauma onto an aggressively self-destructive OC, you might write yourself into a corner and find that writing it is just a little too real so you have to stop working on it indefinitely.

What are your writing strengths?

Pain. I’m good at crawling into the brains of fictional characters and making a fluffy nest of emotional and psychological horror for myself to burrow in like a weird ferret.

I’ve been told that I’m good at portraying gore/violence/horror in general, which aligns with me getting shipped off to a child psychologist when I was six because of my tendency to write vividly descriptive stories about vivisections and school age children stumbling upon dismembered human remains.

I’ve recently received praise for my ability to accurately portray the voices of pre-existing characters (Emmrich and Varric, specifically) and that’s a nice feather in my cap.

Grammar and formatting - these are as fluid as the ocean, but I spent so much time writing obits that I aim to be pretty picky about that shit before I publish anything.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I approach emotional content very tentatively with a hesitance that does me no credit, I think? I’m afraid of coming across as contrived, indulgent, or “unrealistic” even though I’m writing fiction, so I struggle to write with my entire dick so to speak when it comes to romance and the nice, warm, happy aspects of it that aren’t tainted by some sort of self-loathing or guilt. I was raised Catholic, can you tell?

I’m an adverb slut.

I cannot relinquish dialogue tags.

Sometimes I think I feel the need to over-describe things because they need to physically manifest on paper in order for them to make sense to me.

I’m basically a vampire in the sense that it’s incredibly difficult for me to move on to writing something else even if I really really really want to write it but I have another thing in progress. I’ve stalled out on writing so many times because I literally cannot give myself permission to work on a different thing because the other Thing isn’t completed to my liking.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Uh sure? If it fits the scene and doesn’t require the reader to have a translator for entire paragraphs of text.

I tend not to bother coming up with elven and stuff when I write and just use dialogue tags etc. to indicate that characters are speaking a different language.

First fandm you ever wrote in?

On ao3? Knights of the Old Republic 2. First posted online? Fucking Pirates of the Caribbean yo. Ever? Inuyasha 😂😂😂

Favorite fic(s) you wrote?

It’s like picking a favourite child: I can’t. I’d say I’m proudest of Endless Possibilities because it’s the only long fic I’ve ever finished, AND writing it was an outlet that kept me going during an incredibly difficult time. It really helped keep me sane.

Honestly going back to it now, it’s not the best thing I’ve ever written, but I read some of the paragraphs and the way I described certain concepts and things and I’m like “holy shit I wrote that?” It just seems so outside of me, but I guess maybe that’s just where I was at during that time?