#i can fix crocodile TRUST ME TRUST ME

[acescorazon]

Changes

Chapter: 3/?

word count: 2514

Rating: M

Warnings: Crocodile , Explicit language, minor violence (slightly less than last chapter's lol.)

Chapter excerpt:

Crocodile glances around the room before looking back down at his papers, “It turns out with Buggy’s new status…” He pauses, grimacing slightly, “With the Clown’s new status, the marines won’t just come attacking us out of the blue, but these bounties will definitely be seen as a threat, possibly even a declaration of war, and we have to be prepared for when they do decide to come after us or the event of a buster call.”

A buster call?!

“W-Woah, woah, woah!” Buggy stammers, feeling the familiar sensation of dread rising in the pit of his stomach. “They…They wouldn’t do something crazy like blow up the entire island…right?” He asks, voice starting to crack a little as he speaks, “R-right?”

Mihawk speaks up, in a calm, flat tone, seemingly unworried about the possibility that the island could be wiped off the surface of the planet, “Of course they would,” he replies bluntly, “It’s only a matter of time before they try to annihilate us.”

[Previous part]

Buggy manages to avoid both Crocodile and Mihawk for about a week after the official public debut of Cross Guild, only catching brief glimpses of his ‘underlings’ out of the corner of his eye here and there around the island, before his luck comes to a rather abrupt end one morning. Crocodile calls for their first official meeting, after ordering Buggy beforehand to clear out a space for a makeshift meeting room, and even now Buggy has no idea why they even need a meeting room or to hold a meeting…

The quickest ‘meeting room’ Buggy can come up with is a storage closet filled partly with weapons that he cleared out a little and then put a table, a whiteboard, and three chairs in, and as soon as Crocodile steps foot inside the makeshift room, he sticks his nose high up in the air and sighs, “Whatever, let’s just get started,” He says, tossing an overstuffed manila folder onto the table in the middle of the room and having a seat first. Crocodile is impossible to please, and Buggy questions whether he’s an actual pirate or some kind of corrupted CEO with overly high standards.

“As briefly discussed before, our first step will be putting bounties on the Marines’ heads.” Crocodile opens up his folder, pulling out a couple of neatly stacked papers, “I’ve compiled a list of over one hundred marines, categorizing and ranking them all from highest to lowest bounties already to make things go a little faster,” He hands his papers over to Buggy, who looks at him, stunned and slightly horrified, “You make the bounty posters for them and have them distributed, but do come and see me before you distribute them, I don’t want a repeat of last weeks incident.”  

Yeah…Neither does Buggy.

Buggy looks down at the papers Crocodile just gave him, scanning over the list in utter disbelief… There are so many names here…where did he get all these from?! Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp… Vice Admiral Tsuru….  Vice Admiral Smoker….He reads, and the list continues to grow from there. Crocodile has everyone from Vice Admirals to Captains, to lieutenants and even lowly ranking officers on his hit list, he has people Buggy didn’t even know existed on the list, and for once he’s glad he’s on Crocodile’s side and not one of his enemies.  

“Of course, I don’t expect anyone to be able to take on any admirals, or even Akainu, but you never know what’ll happen,” Crocodile states, handing over what has to be the scariest list of names Buggy’s seen so far. “Moving on, We’ll also need ships, weapons, medical supplies, and most importantly, men and land.”

Woah, woah…Buggy’s still not even over this whole marine thing, are they really just going to skip over the fact that Crocodile was able to compile a list of hundreds of marines within a week? Where did he get this kind of information? “For the time being I want anyone we can get, making these bounties and offering protection to any brave individual who’s willing to take on the marines and or make a criminal out of themselves is the quickest way to get more people on our side because as it stands we only have about two hundred and thirty-five men, and there’s no way we could withstand a possible attack from the government.”

Crocodile glances around the room before looking back down at his papers, “It turns out with Buggy’s new status…” He pauses, grimacing slightly, “With the Clown’s new status, the marines won’t just come attacking us out of the blue, but these bounties will definitely be seen as a threat, possibly even a declaration of war, and we have to be prepared for when they do decide to come after us or the event of a buster call.”

A buster call?!

“W-Woah, woah, woah!” Buggy stammers, feeling the familiar sensation of dread rising in the pit of his stomach. “They…They wouldn’t do something crazy like blow up the entire island…right?” He asks, voice starting to crack a little as he speaks, “R-right?”

Mihawk speaks up, in a calm, flat tone, seemingly unworried about the possibility that the island could be wiped off the surface of the planet, “Of course they would,” he replies bluntly, “It’s only a matter of time before they try to annihilate us.”

Crocodile, who seems equally as unbothered by the idea of a buster call, simply nods, “Exactly, which is why we need more men and land. These bounties will give us men, power, and higher status, but obviously, it’ll come with consequences. There will be a lot of injuries, deaths, and overall destruction by doing this.”

“So why are we doing it?!” Buggy exclaims, “This seems…”

“We can’t live in the world government’s world, can we?” Crocodile asks, still acting a little too nonchalant for Buggy’s liking, “So we’re going to create our own utopia.”

What the fuck does that even mean…?  

Oh, god. They’re going to die. They’re going to be blown to pieces and if they aren’t, they’re going to be executed in front of millions just like…

God, Buggy can’t do this. He can’t handle the idea of his home being blown up, or having to go back to Impel down, or, or being publicly executed. He-

He can’t just leave Cross Guild, Mihawk and Crocodile will kill him. But…remaining in Cross Guild will also get him killed. He’s really going to die. Any path Buggy chooses in life seems like it’ll lead to certain death, and he’s exhausted, he feels like he’s the one with a hit on his head. Buggy thinks back to when he was just a small-time pirate and finds himself missing those days where no one knew who he was or about his past. Back then he could run around freely without worrying about his men or his home being destroyed, but now even if he tried to run away from all his problems, there’s nowhere for him to hide.

God, he’s actually going to die.

There are tears in Buggy’s eyes as Crocodile rises from his seat, pulling out a photo before pinning it to the whiteboard in the room, “We can discuss ancient weapons in the next meeting, but for now let’s move on to land. In the event of a buster call, we’ll immediately have to get off the island and relocate. Now, I’ve picked a few islands out, but this one right here is the most interesting and closest, boys.” He points to the picture on the board, “This is Prickly Pear island, a spacious desert kingdom with a tyrannical king who’s starving his people and hoarding most of the country's wealth and resources. It’s easy pickings, we don’t even have to turn the people against their king, we just show up and ‘save’ all the citizens, and take over.” He grins.   

God, Buggy doesn’t want Emptee Bluffs Island to be blown up and he doesn’t want to live in the desert with Crocodile where he’s practically invincible, he just wants this nightmare to end...He just wishes he were still a warlord, no.. no, he wishes he were just a lowly pirate in Orange Town.  

God, he hates his life so much.

…

Their meeting lasts a lot longer than Buggy would have hoped it would, and he could hardly keep up with all Crocodile’s plans because, you know, there’s that new silly possibility of the world government blowing them to kingdom come… ahaha, so silly. Anyways once the meeting is over, he quickly gets the hell away from Crocodile and Mihawk as fast as possible and looks for men who can make the bounties for the marines because Buggy sure as shit isn’t going to do it himself, though he doesn’t know if they should really be doing this in the first place...

Whatever. Whatever, it’s too late.

Buggy counted one hundred and seventy-five different marines on Crocodile’s list, and the worst part: Crocodile says he’s actively trying to find out more names, and they’re…They’re fucking doomed. At this point, Buggy just has to pick which way he wants to die, and to be honest… He’d rather die by the Marines' hands than Crocodile’s.  

He finds himself anxiously roaming around and just… taking in the view of his island and all the men at work. Even with Mihawk and Crocodile around, Emptee Bluffs Island is bustling and filled with life, and to think that all that could be taken away in a moment's notice just because of Crocodile’s stupid pla--

“Hey, Clown.” God, what now?  Buggy thinks to himself, hating the way that Crocodile can’t be bothered to use his actual name most of the time. “I forgot to tell you that I want a main ship built right away.”

Buggy sighs, turning around to face his tormentor, ”But my men are already busy trying to fix the ships the marines didn’t completely destroy.”

“And? Find someone to build me a flagship, and make it quick.”

So bossy and annoying… Buggy closes his eyes and sucks in a deep breath, trying to remain calm. If he lets his pride and his ego get the best of him right now, he’s going to lose his life. For once in his life, he should just shut up… But the urge to tell Crocodile to go to hell is so strong…Crocodile’s so demanding, and Buggy… just wants to…

“Yes.” He replies a moment later, not wanting to get on Crocodile’s bad side again, he’s had enough of that for a lifetime. “Sure. I’ll get right on that.” He tries to end the conversation there and walk away, but Crocodile stops him, “One last thing, clown, about your appearance…”

After Crocodile has threatened to sell him into slavery, beat him senseless, took over his island, and gave him the world’s most unreasonable requests and expected him to fulfill everything in such a short amount of time, why was the straw that broke the camel's back Crocodile criticizing his appearance? “I don’t want Cross Guild to be seen as a joke. Get rid of the onesie and the annoying red nose.”

Get rid of the annoying red nose…

He told him to…He told him to…. Buggy stares at Crocodile, speechless, he feels like saying something he might regret, but it’ll get him killed. He wants to live… this whole time he’s been fighting for his life…and to throw it away so carelessly… “Understand?” Crocodile asks with a displeased look now on his face, not that Buggy knows why he’s looking at him like that.

Get rid of the annoying red nose.

This altercation marks the first (and last) time Buggy tells Crocodile to, “Eat shit and die.” and things go as well as one would expect them to as soon as the insult leaves his mouth. He really should have kept his big mouth shut, but he didn’t, and instantly ends up regretting his actions, like always.

Crocodile chases Buggy all around the island, face red and filled with rage as he screams every cuss word imaginable at Buggy, and Buggy runs away like he owes Crocodile money, which, coincidentally, he does. “I’msosorry,” He babbles out, and the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ has to be his favorite phrase considering how often he uses it these days, “I didn’t mean to…” Oh, who is he kidding? He met everything he said, but he doesn’t think he should get murdered for his words alone.

Buggy runs past a few of his beloved crew members: Cabaji, Mohji and Richie, and finally, Alvida, but no one seems interested in helping him out. They all watch as he runs by, looking confused, then horrified, then once realization finally sets in, they simply look the other way. Cowards! All of em are cowards, and they have absolutely no loyalty!  

Crocodile does end up capturing Buggy though, he’s incredibly stubborn and that is yet another thing that Buggy has come to find out about his new business partner. He also really hates being insulted, go figure, and ends up punching the shit out of Buggy’s poor face, again, leaving welts all over him as he so graciously reminds Buggy that he can gut him like a fish at any moment if he wanted to and that he’s lucky to be alive.

Buggy begs for mercy the entire time, but that only seems to anger Crocodile more and he calls him…What was it…? Oh, that’s right, he calls him ‘A worthless coward who should have never been made an emperor’, and then proceeds to tell him how much he hates him.

He makes Buggy feel so good about himself…haha…

They never come to an agreement, Crocodile just grows tired of kicking Buggy’s ass and leaves, and Buggy winds up filled with more hatred than before for Crocodile, picking himself and his teeth up off the ground after his beating, skull still throbbing from Crocodile’s wrath. Okay, maybe he deserved that ass-kicking, but he still thinks Crocodile went a little too far… Nevertheless, Buggy continues on with his day, now instructing some of his crew who are shipwrights to build Crocodile his stupid ship for stupid Cross Guild, hoping that for once his crew will do something half-assed and that the ship will end up sinking or capsizing when Crocodile (and hopefully only Crocodile.) is onboard.

((A/N: Redeeming this fucker (Crocodile) is going to be a BITCH. Trust in me and the process, we'll get to where we need to go though. Thanks for reading, i love you pookies~! ALSO P.S ...Think the next few chapters might have depressed Buggy sooo.. BUT TRUST IN THE PROCESS BABIES.))

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Fandom observation nicknames and funny tags: Part One Piece

Okay, one piece fandom it's your turn and I'm going to highlight your creativity. Again this is not meant to shame or call anyone out. I am genuinely impressed with the creativity and you guys made me laugh. So again in my opinion these were too good just to be lost in the tags or in the anonymous messages, several you sent me. So expand post at your own risk. This one is unhinged

*updated as of May 4th with more tags and new characters

I have mentioned this before, but for some reason that is beyond me. One Piece fandom you guys refer to your characters as daddy and mommy (And it's in a kinky way) way more than any fandom. I think I should just start with the list of characters that have been labeled as such before I go into the creative names for individual characters. Because trust me who makes the list and who doesn't is actually funny.

One piece Daddy's: Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy, Sir Crocodile, Benn Beckman, Killer, Sanji, Rayleigh, Roger, Doflamingo, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Ivankov, Arlong, Yamato, Marco, Izou, Smoker, Garp, Sengoku, Zeff, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Akainu, Blackbeard

When it comes to the One piece Mommy's: Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Charlotte Smoothie, Charlotte Galette, Charlotte Amande, Vice admiral doll, Catarina Devon, Ivankov & Crocodile

Now due to popular demand the new category the One Piece Babygirls: Ace, Buggy, Sanji, Luffy, Sabo, Zoro, Ussop, Marco, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Kid, Law, Bepo, Killer, Mihawk, Shanks, Perona, Yamato, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Smoker, Robin, Nami, Vivi, Jinbe, Hatchan, Roger, Zeff

Now when it comes to individual characters there have been some interesting standouts but I'm just going to do some highlights because you guys have so many characters

Ace: "Depressed sunshine orphan boy with daddy issues", "ace has that grungy line cook riz you know he lays legendary pipe", " he got goofy older brother swag", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", "Ace my greasy fire narcoleptic king", "The narcoleptic babygirl", the greasy crusty desert rat. "He would be worth the burn risk", "my favorite fire donut", "something about greasy alabasta ace hits so different", "with his riz he's probably a walking STD risk but it would be worth it. Just look at him probably also probably got a couple bastard kids running around the grand line", it's ok he's still greasy in my heart worlds most feral baby boy he looks like he eats dirt I could fix him (force him to bathe regularly)

Arlong: "Y'all are too afraid to recognize the truth too afraid of his drip, his swagger, his saw nose, to admit that he's hot also live action arlong?!?!the only sexy fishmen," "arlong looks like a toxic florida frat bro," "I legitimately think there's something wrong with me sometimes due to how bad I want arlong the rancid personality enhances the appeal", "yall are p****" arlong is sexy put some respect on his name look at those lips the laugh the hair!"

Akainu: "The world's next top authoritarian," magma Daddy, "He makes donuts and I still love him"

Bartolomeo: "the man hasn't showered in probably a week he's obsessed with the strawhats he'll pee anywhere and he's an absolute dweeb he's like a stray mutt that followed me home look at his fit it's AWFUL AND FABULOUS he's gross and dumb and if something bad happens to this silly barrier- creating puppy i'll LOSE IT"

Belo Betty: "True story: Belo Betty made me, an Aroace woman have a sexuality crisis."

Ben Beckman: Dilf, "retirement blorbo", "Benn Beckman is a religious experience", "to me? beckman is the character with the most sex appeal ever. raw sex appeal. I would [redacted] if I met this man. just sayin", "He can ruin my life any day of the week", "Also lest we forget pre TS Beck a++ quality right there I just want someone smart who will also hit a guy with a gun is that so much to ask for", "This p**** wants what she wants and its always going to be Benn “back breaker" Beckman", husband material, "men are like wine in order to get a good vintage you want the one that's aged", he had that sexy blind and reckless loyalty about him", "Beckman is a fine aged vintage of wine as men should be", "DEAR GOD the things I WOULD DO to that man LIKE [redacted] and [redacted] because [redacted] and [redacted]", "idk how to explain it but he's so wife", "benn beckman? more like benn breastman ok sorry yeah anyways. said it before and ill say it again beckman exudes raw sex appeal like jesus christ. why would you not want to fuck this man ive had lesbian friends who said he would be an exception to them which is so real his tits are big he loves his captain he STUBBED HIS CIGARETTE IN A MAN'S EYE UNDER THE GUISE OF DEFENDING HIS CAPTAIN so fucking sexy mwah mwah beckman my wife you are so hot SO HOT. in conclusion benn breastman you will forever be a top sexyguy in my head oh also forgot to add. he canonically gets bitches which is so real. he could get me any day", "Oh dear I just realised I have a thing for older men with grey hair and have substance abuse issues I choose to believe lung cancer does not exist in opu", "

Buggy: Assigned clown at birth, walking disaster, "my pathetic sniveling wet clown", my Beloved, "he has blue hair and pronouns", Failboy, "the skrunkly clown", "my clown wife", "he has that fail boy cringe", "buggy has the stronger levels of foolishness and fumbling his way to success", "the cringefail clown extraordinaire buggy", "he is silly and pathetic like a bisexual divorced dad",

Catarina Devon: "my problematic lesbian sugar mommy”,

Cracker: "if Cracker just let his hair down he'd be unstoppable i fear", "get wrecked cracker", "I am so curious about the people voting for cracker let me study you please", "cracker getting murdered as expected", "you can't do my biscuit husband like that", "i find cracker really hot"

Crocodile: desert daddy, Babygirl, "He's like if tony soprano was trans", crocodaddy, crocomommy, Big titty mob boss, He's 8ft tall and I would let he ruin me,"Mr. Sandman", "the human sandcastle," "literally has sand in his britches", "son of a beach", "World's Most Expensive Sand Sculpture", "he's got 99 problems and his hook is one of them", "casino blorbo", "I would subject myself to sandburn any day for THE SIR FUCKING CROCODILE Anakin Skywalker don't go here because I WOULD love sand if it was like 8 feet tall and had a voice like that absolutely rabid he could stick his sand in so many places and I'd thank him crocodile is one of those guys i wanted to hate so bad and then went actually no i want this guy carnally Crocodile has some weird rizz goin on and i need to climb that sandcastle", "I'm so sorry but I need to eat crocodile's pussy", "With Sir Crocodile you can have Sex on the Beach. Literally. Plus he owns a casino so you could probably sip on the cocktail version too...while getting some cocktail.", "mafia vibes and style", "crocodile's got style. class. you will be wined and dined in the most exquisite way you can imagine", "He's got DADDY vibes", " One handsome mafia boss", "I love crocodile but also i wanna punch him and i feel like hes got the sandiest pussy/dick that shit will give me a rash", "my evilest baby boy", "Crocodile invented evil trans swag just saying", "im sorry az but crocodile was my dilf awakening", "in Crocodilf we trust",

Dragon: "the revolutionary scrungle dragon",

Doflamingo: "Dofy's got some wierd (potentially fun) energy but he would NOT treat you well he'd be awful", "The psychopathic pimp on a shoestring budget. Seriously dude, San Diego Zoo called and they want their flamingos back. That coat is so last season.", "fashion travesty", "Doflamingo dresses like an eye test and will probably steal your credit card by the end of the night not because he needs the money. because he finds it hilarious", "Mingo is just a spoiled frat fuckboy who's too full of himself to be interested in anyone/anything else", "a balding white man", "evil florida man my beloved they dont understand you", "Budget Pimp who robbed San Diego of their world famous Flamingo flock"

Eustass Kid: Pirate punk, "He's a sopping wet loser", "a man wearing eyeliner and nailpolish is by definition hotter", "my scrungy little fuck", he would also probably give me an STD and it would still be worth it

Franky: " Three words light up nipples"

Fujitora: "fujitora yes plz that like calm collected way he fights makes me KNOW hed take care of his partner real good", "have you seen how he slurps his noodles? I just know he could eat me out in ways I could never imagine"

Gol D. Roger: "the "Tom Selleck" of Pirates. He mustache'd the gold somewhere. You think these puns are bad wait until you hit my NSFW tags. Can't believe no one pointed those out yet, his name is a literal gold mine of innuendo. king of pirates? nah he's the king of rogering roger this roger that roger anyone he damn well pleases he has the D", "why does no one thirst after Gol like i do? youre all weak! cowards", "sorry but i am all about his dads mustache", " I can't be the only one that wants to ride that mustache"

Jinbe: "I wanna suck on the webbing between his fingers", does anyone else contemplate how soft Jinbe's tits are to lie on or is that just me?

Kaido: "beefcake beast of a man",

Katakuri: "I'm a monsterfucker at heart", "Katakuri is literally so good man he's a family man #he's badass he's got a great sense of honour you know I had to go for the mochi man", "donut king", "KATAKURI MY MOCHI MONSTER TEETH KING CHAMPION HUSBAND THAT I WOULD CLIMB LIKE A MOUNTAIN #I'M ALWAYS ON MY CLIMBING AGENDA WITH MY ONE PIECE KINGS!", "i just know this man would treat me right we love kata", "Kata definitely ticks that hot box"

King: "King is literally the most beautiful OP character you can't change my mind", "Gotta chose the melanin yknow", "king is so ajdhjdjdjchjd bark bark bark bark", "I saw King and decided he is my blorbo", "king of my [REDACTED]", " I know he's like 20 ft tall and I'm probably the size of his d*** but it would be worth it. I would gladly choose death by snu snu for one night with him"

Killer: "big tiddy murder boyfriend",

Marco: Bird daddy "Mr. Dr. Emotionally-Stable Scrungles", "surfer hippy electric blue glasses wing flapper", "DR. MMMMM", Fineapple

Luffy: "l am in the minority here I need luffy's gomu gomu no [REDACTED]"

Mihawk: The Vampire Pirate, Goth Dad, the sword father, Pirate Dracula, the big titty goth husband, "I think mihawk would treat you right. i want mihawk to treat me right", "I love his gay wine uncle energy", "I appreciate that he dresses Like That everywhere extra ass bitch", "hot vampire cowboy pirate", Morticia Addams, "Mihawk oozes 'step on me' energy",

Robin: "she has irresistible weird girl rizz", "big tiddy archaeologist gf"

Rosinante: "my insane clumsy tall dilf", "wife material", "he has cringefail dad swag", "rosi is everything to me actually. I would climb that tall clumsy king like a tree", "the klutzy mime", "he has that pathetic depressed clown vibe thats irresistible", "He's the epiome of strong but silent, he's the asshole with a heart of gold, he has everything", rosinante is hot tho and his clumsiness somehow enhances it", "I've said it before and I'll say it again I WOULD climb that clumsy king like a tall tree want to kiss him until his silly jester makeup is all over me too", "I am loyal to the guy who actively sets himself on fire",

Sabo: "bc he said killing woth lead pipes and then he just kept doing it its the crazy for me"

Sanji: fail wife, Cooking Daddy, "I NEED sanji to f*** me to tuesday and make me dinner before and breakfast after", "The man will feed you the best meal you've ever had and genuinely compliment something about you", "His fighting style is 'kick the problem until it goes away' and he chugs Love Women Juice", "he can cook and fight and he's damn fine while doing both"

Shanks: Margaritaville Himbo, "Dilflicious", "the deadbeat malewife wifi user", "I am a whole lesbian but if there were a butch girl version of these men I would let shanks ruin my life", "favorite guy in the local frat" He's probably a walking STD risk but he's hot and I'm a slut that has a thing for red heads, "the unwashed bitch", "LOOK AT THAT SCRUFF ON SHANKS the three scars on his face that smile", "my Scrungle drunk bastard", I would volunteer to be his next baby mama you know shanks got a few a dozen red haired children all over the grand line tell me I'm wrong," " The biggest fuckboy to ever whore about the Grand Line."

Smoothie: "ah...smoothie....or as i call her... one piece tsunade Imaoo", "ultimately my desire to be crushed by Smoothie's thighs won out", "SMOOTHIE. THANK YOU mommy long legs... gauhggfghgh......i want her to juice me pleeeeaaaseeeeeeeeeee /silly",

Silvers Rayleigh: "Silver Fox Rayleigh", "he's old but he can get it", "Rayleigh has that 'your daughter calls me daddy too' energy", "he's a gilf who married a literal queen", "rayleigh has spent his entire life SERVING CUNT", "Raiyleigh has that gilf energy despite having no kids", I need him in so many different ways I cannot list", "he has my heart around his little finger", "Rayleigh makes me howl like a dog I swear", "I mean come on look at his HAIR his GLASSES that incredible STARE even his wrinkles are hot", "Rayleigh got the 50 year anniversary in the bag idk why you would go for anything else", "helloooo????? Rayleigh is the hottest old guy in one piece please", "I would let rayleigh ruin me and I would thank him", "Rayleigh to me is more like a really smooth mead", "genuinely may be the hottest man of onep just like. objectively", "rayleigh you will always be famous for being the most fuckable old man ever. there may be dilfs galore out there but ur the only gilf in my heart", "that scene where Rayleigh gets out of the ocean shirtless After swimming to the island of women I actually said Daddy out loud",

Smoker: "Smokedaddy", "Smokestack. 'Ole Smokey. Smokin' Hot Smoker", "smokers allergy to keeping his Tits covered compels me", "i do love smoked sausage i'm sorry i'll see myself out", "smoker he's just so beefy like fuckkk and he's like almost 40 i just wanna be smokers lil housewife", "smoker is a beautiful lesbian to me", "smoked sausage I just *know* he's got more to work with than a cocktail weenie", "SMOKEYBEAR PAPA SMOKE MY KING i would smoke him like a chimney if you're pickin up what I'm putting down wink wink nudge nudge he really would kill my lungs but it'd be a fun time", "SMOKER PAPUCHO RICO I NEED HIM", "smoker is solid (despite being made of smoke)", "smoker. smo-yan. ultimate "guy who is allergic to wearing shirts" and honestly? he's so right for that. he needs to show off his tits! in a one piece man boob ranking he's coming number 2 (after crocodile) i said this in dms earlier today but it needs to be released to the world "fat d*ck fat tits fat ass he has it all" smoker is PACKINNNNN in every way he's genuinely so attractive, even just considering him physically and look at his sexy facial scar also (beck also has one. very good) and his slicked back short hair.....not to mention the things that are very endearing about him personality wise - he does masculinity like NOBODY ELSE. genuinely NO ONE does it like him like. he's gruff but he has a very strong personal moral code and he really *does* care..... the man's a tsundere and he's never been cruel to those undeserving like in his introduction - kids bumps into him, spills ice cream on his pants YOU KNOW WHAT SMOKER SAYS? YK WHAT HE SAYS? "my pants ate your ice cream." KILL ME NOWWWWWW HES SO FUCKING HOT IM EATING MY OWN HANDS and then he GIVES THE KID MONEY TO BUY MORE ICE CREAM. jesus christ smoker big d*ick big tits big heart i fucking love him good god", "something something vague moaning sounds I would call him smokey just to provoke him", "

Trafalgar Law: "DR. Slut", "He has them tattoos which makes me go fucking feral", "A stoner greasy boyfailure", "the edgy emo orphan boy with daddy issues", 'My tried stressed bitch", "law is hot because hes pathetic has tattoos and is the narrative's favorite punching", "i am DERANGED over a depressed formerly-suicidal surgeon",

Yamato: "I need my trans man big naturals...... I know nothing about one piece but yamato lives rent free in my brain and my heart at all times the only anime figure i have is of him and i don't even watch the fucking show", "he's new + he's trans + he's over 8 feet tall + he's a wolf god what more could you want?!", "he is filled to the brim with TRANSMASC SWAG", "it's transmasc dog boy swag for me he's my best boy", "Yamato's boobs call to me I need to motorboat yamato titties. whoa who said that", "yamato could crush me and i would thank him yes indeed", "I just found out Yamato is Literally a whole entire meter taller than me & that's all the convincing I need", "my canon transmasc king", "cant compete with is the fact that on top of beautiful yamato is just. fucking huge like i can not will not get over it every time i remember he's 8'7 in canon I'm like aaaAaaAaAAaAAAAaa kiss me on the mouth big boy", "as an aroace person. if yamato stepped on me id thank him. thank you for your time", "hes literally the whole reason i started watching/reading one piece

Zoro: "The President of the strawhat's local big titty committee", "The king of boobs", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", I would probably get an STD but it would be worth it, "his stupidity and gay attire make him very appealing", canonically the biggest tits in one piece, He got them big naturals, "Big honkabadonkaroo hoinkybadinkirs massive man tiddies Zoro", "Zoro oozes 'I won't let anyone hurt you' energy", "zoro is hot because of his big naturals

Zeff: "He will wine and dine me before leaving me lovingly bedridden the day after. And he actually takes care of his kid", "Zeff is honorable and can cook and clean and bathes and almost dies for a kid that's not his and then adopts him" He's got line cook energy. If you know you know

I definitely know I'm going to have to add to this since there's so many more characters and you all are definitely going to get more creative after seeing the list.

And a few observations. Why did Sanji make the daddy list and not Zoro? Characters that I thought would be short cliff notes turned into some of the longest sections And characters I thought would have some of the longest sections turned into some of the shortest ones. And I still think this was worse theyn JJK I just forget how unhinged this fandom can be because your unhinged craziness is dispersed amongst so many characters. And I haven't decided which fandom's next.

I now have my answer on why Sanji made the list and not Zoro. Overall the fandom is just thirsty so very thirsty. Hence the many updates to this list

Commentary added as of May 4th.

Characters that I never thought I would ever add to this post are on here and I am so confused. When I started this blog, I was warned that the JJK fandom was unhinged horny and thirsty AF. But in my opinion, the one piece fandom is much worse. Just look at this post for proof. One Piece you guys are definitely the thirstiest fandom by far I mean Catherine Devon has a section. You guys just hide it better than the JJK Fandom. Plus I do regret challenging a few of you to come up with tags as a joke because you definitely delivered

[redtoondevils]

Here it is. My evaluation, of Sun that I am defending from FNAF Security Breach, and the other games he appeared in.

I feel like these points are being overlooked. What I think about how there's characters, along with different forms.

Are so easily perceived as, in one thing or another. I also defend Eclipse too, it's just because they hold both of the personalities into them. I think, it would not make sense for Eclipse to turn against Cassie, after being thankful.

Eclipse has a soft side for kids, and is honestly looking forward into meeting them. Even though sadly, they don't know in an unclear way.

However, he isn't the animatronic to harm kids. He'd never EVER hurt Cassie! That is not his goal. I do think, they'd want to find answers, in their story line. For now, that can wait.

-------------------------------------------------------

I have my key points, as to appose to why I don't view him, as a 'Villain.' the same can apply to Eclipse. Despite being a flaw character.

So, it is already known, that for all 3 forms. The first 2 of the ones sharing this, are very complex characters.

Their history is complicated, along with that with their attributes. With what they decide to do. That impacts, them and can often at times be very challenging for them. When they try to survive.

Even more for what they are seen, they do have some sympathic moments seen, that are part of their development.

It is confirmed, that their personalities more connected other than sharing one body.

One personality can seemingly communicate with the other. They can share their thoughts, feelings, and pain.

That is a very deep character concept, and it has been at times been emotional.

------------------------------------------------------

Sun, in my opinion, is the one who is protecting the other personalities. From harm, and exposure from anything.

This is shown a few times. With that in return, he finds stressful.

Because of that, there is a lot, an awful lot with what he has to endure at times. It came to that point, where he had to 'sacrifice' himself.

When, he wanted to become Eclipse he did that in order to fix Moon, and save him from destruction.

There are other times, where his actions were selfless, and having kindness to protect the main character from harms way.

He doesn't do that, a lot. Whenever he does, that makes me hopeful, in future games that he can be trusted. And he can be your friend.

------------------------------------------------------

In the main game, he kind of appears as a 'Mild antagonist' towards Gregory.

He could not keep the kid in the spot he placed him in, when he didn't listen to him, he felt disrespected. And kicked him out.

His priorities, are very strict. Another reason, for what is speculated, is that the hour was nearly up.

He has the tendency of not allowing the main player to return, or go through to the next location. That is no answer as of yet, why he does this.

I think my theory, is that he keeps you from going there, because there is a ride over at the kids cove, that is broken. And he felt like he had to take those matters, by his own hands.

------------------------------------

There is a section, in the news papers, that has history behind the animatronics. And say's that the daycare attendant has been scaring kids.

The news reports, do not fully reveal the full truth to the stories.

It say's what happened, yet it is still unclear with what really happened. I'm going to say my version of this.

And start off by saying, because there is a lot of people that uses this to materialize the animatronics.

When Monty was reported to have used a bowling bowl to smash Bonnie in his skull, and shutting him down. Assuming that he did that because, he was jealous? It sounds way too extreme.

Monty, in game, appeared as a rogue crocodile that has an explosive temper. Yet, then on the walls, his cartoon self looks much more calmer. And a friendly guy.

Then the attendants report, it say's that a young child was crying, because he was traumatized by both of the forms.

And was given overwhelming anxiety that gave him night terrors.

In my personal take, is that Sun has a harsh interior, I don't want to believe that he deliberately tormented the kid.

I think, that when Sun first appeared towards Gregory, that he would step into his space, and circle around him, to get his attention.

For a young kid, some of them may even find his behaviors intimidating, and intense.

It could be at some point, that he gotten a bit too rough with him.

That seems like from the kids perspective, that he found Sun too energetic. I think he isn't a cruel animatronic. He is harsh, I don't think he's cruel.

However, when he turned into Moon. It is apparent that, he found him too scary.

Then after that incident, and when the attendant heard the reports, is when he felt guilty for doing that.

--------------------------------------

In Ruin, and with a small sequence in HW2. Ruin Sun, meets Cassie once again, and greets her with "New Friend!"

That line makes me believe that he knows Cassie. Because, he said that in a chirpy welcoming, yet relieved greeting. Towards kids.

When that part in the Jumpscare, where Moon attacks her there is a brief moment, where Sun actually did try to refrain himself from attacking her, but sadly couldn't.

The animation where he was afraid, and hiding under the desk having a panic attack being exposed to trauma. DID is associated with experience to trauma, since they were in such physical pain.

He purposely pulls himself away from inflicting harm, or other abuse onto an employee.

That is very considerate, and kindly of him to do that. That is why, I don't think he should be considered as a villain.

Because of how complex he is, his characteristics goes around in many grey coatings that doesn't go too dark.

[wordy-little-witch]

Ghost Roger ships Shuggy and that’s why when Crocodile and Mihawk start to court the clown all hell breaks loose.

Okay it may be a bit more complicated than that, Roger is protective of his kids in a way, he feels a bit remorseful for not making feel Buggy important in live and he’s HELLA worried about how his sons parted ways. Of course even if there’s more to it than just “There were some misunderstandings” and he maybe won’t be able to make things completely right after dead, he still wishes those two would just TALK to each other. He probably told Buggy a lot of stuff after he first was able to contact him, but that doesn’t mean the grudge against Shanks (and Roger for that matter) is immediately gone.

So Roger really hopes those two make up and maybe kiss a little, he’s seen those obvious crushes those two had on each other for ages…. So when the two men who threatened his Bug suddenly start to get all flirty with him… well you can’t blame him for not being completely rational about it.

He can’t really do much besides be a nuisance, hiding things from them, throwing things off the table, one time he secretly put ketchup in Crocodiles coffee and he counts that as a massive victory, but he’s not full on Poltergeist level, he doesn’t have much power anymore. The only time he regains a significant amount of Strenght is when Buggy confronted him about this behavior, it truly was a scene to behold, Buggy, screaming into an empty room that Roger can’t decide who or who not he gets to trust and choose for himself, and Roger, not being able to communicate his own frustrations to Buggy and tell him he’s just worried but that Buggy also needs to stop being so damn stubborn, throwing things across the room and howling and causing a storm just with his intense emotions alone.

It’s only late at night when they both have calmed down that Roger makes his way back to Buggies room, now properly calmed and thinking somewhat rationally again. He doesn’t have much more energy than to scribble a “Sorry” with Buggys lipstick onto the mirror, but he knows his boy will get what he means.

Roger might get pleasantly surprised on several accounts tough, not only do Buggys new suitors actually care for him, despite their initial treatment of him, but Buggy may or may not also reconcile with Shanks after some gentler pushes and encouragement from his side…. And it may or may not turn out that Buggy has a lot of space for several people in his heart, who’d have thought? Atta boy! His little casanova….

Oh my goshhhh yeah this exactly (sorry it took so long to respond, was a lil busy)

Roger really would be like. The strangest mix if "you got this!!" And "not on my watch". He's got redneck girl dad vibes, like "don't mind me sitting on the porch making aggressive eye contact while I clean my gun and/or sword, kid, but yeah I know how to use them and use them well anyway be good to my kid or else haha no I'm serious-"

Ironically I feel like Roger would be pushing less for a Slowburn Romance for Shuggy and more a you can fix it and salvage smth and maybe it's different but you two are two sides of one coin guys come onnnn- type of deal. Like. The kisses would be nice (he'd win the bet and Rayleigh would owe him 500 berri) but also it just... it hurts to see his kids so hurt. It doesn't matter how the end result is configured so long as some of the pain is abated.

So when Buggy, his baby blue, his bright and bold and flashy little nugget, begins getting courted by the same men who unflinchingly harmed him?

When Roger has SEEN the things Buggy went through up to this point?

When Roger knows how easy it is for Buggy to fall into the arms of someone who means him harm, when he knows how Buggy clings to and almost searches for it?

Oh he's livid. He's frothing. He's not going to let that slide, not even remotely.

And so begins his Hijinks.

And so ignites Buggy's temper.

It goes on maybe a month, if that. Roger is petty and angry, but he's pacing it and being careful to make it impossible to trace to his kid. The few opportunities that leaves for him is very good motivation to go bigger each time. Croc's favored pen? Gone. Mihawk's wine glass? Different cabinet. Croc's ash tray? Flipped onto a document. Hawkeye's wine bottles? All corks are in some way damaged. He starts small and works his way up.

The ketchup in the coffee was his magnum opus - and that was Buggy's last straw.

He passes Alvida and informs her that it's a Code Pink. She nods and spreads the word. Nobody gets in his way as he beeline to his workshop and the adjacent sheds connected there.

It's arguably a hurricane by way of fury. Things are thrown and voices blow into uneven crescendos. Buggy begins to angry cry and Roger pulls at his own hair to fight the urge to wipe the tears away or crush the emotions out of his kid with his own arms. It's a hot mess, and it only gets worse when Roger hears Buggy say the one thing he didn't ever want to hear but suspected nonetheless.

"What's it matter if they hurt me? I deserve it-!"

He'll admit - he doesn't rightly recall what exactly it is that he does after that. The words echoed in his head, louder and louder until it was a battering ram in his skull. He doesn't remember much of that split second between hearing it and acting, but he found himself crushing his boy into his chest, one hand in blue curls, the other across a trembling back.

"Never," he swears, "you never deserve to be hurt, Blue. I'm so sorry you feel like that's true, but baby Bug, Red has told you-"

And that's the final straw for Buggy.

"Red?! Red's all you ever fucking think about!" And he shoves Roger away, mouth running faster than he can stop it, tears falling with the mess of his emotions as he rants and raves and leaves a captain, a father, hollow in shock.

Buggy pauses for a breath, and Roger reaches out, just to pull back at the swat to his hand.

"No," Buggy hiccups, "I just... I'm done. I'm fucking done. Go find someone else to bother. I'm through."

He leaves.

And Roger rages.

Hours later, finally calm and able to rationally think, he drifts to Buggy's room. He's shaking with exhaustion, but he grabs a lipstick - the cheap writing one, never Buggy's good lip color - and scrawls an apology onto the mirror. He floats over to Buggy's bedside, watches his kid sleep, tear tracks on his face and dried in his lashes. He aches.

He sits vigil there all the night, energy depleting until he's a bare whisp of a presence. He'll protect his kid how he can, but he won't step in the way.

It's only when Rouge offers to trade out that he deigns to rest.

Things go back to mostly normal afterwards.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

When it turns out that Crocodile and Mihawk truly do care for and want to make Buggy happy, Roger is pleasantly surprised and very suspicious. He keeps it mostly to himself (and to Rouge, Ace and Eddie), but he is watching. He gets to witness the growth first hand - except some things second hand, because he may be a pirate, but he's also a father and some things are meant for a parent's eyes to never ever EVER see - but he does see it. He acknowledges it. And he gives his approval subtly.

So when things begin blooming outward, he's aware, somewhat, but mostly acting as but an observer. Though when those tendrils of Blue reaches out to Red.... well. He's Looking Heavily.

And then he's cheering aggressively because YES!! FINALLY!!!! RAYLEIGH OWES HIM SO MANY BERRI!!!!

And when blue and brown eyes cut towards him, Roger pauses, shrinks a little. By the Seas he forgot how weird his kids and their Haki was. He waves awkwardly.

".... Captain," Shanks says after a moment.

"Red...?"

"I am very happy to see you, believe me. But I also am very happy to have Buggy in my arm, so maybe go bother Lucky Roux or Yassop while I do unspeakable things to my Blue."

"Shanks," Buggy squawks angrily with a face as red as his nose, squirming in place.

Roger just laughs, gives a salute. "Aye, captains!"

He slips off through the walls to the symphony of his eldest laughing while baby blue complains loudly. There was a sudden thump, silence, then rustling. Roger, eyes wide, floated faster.

He'd always said Buggy would steal riches and hearts alike.

By Davy Jones, Ray owed him so much money.

[aimbutmiss]

Buggy sighed in frustration as he clenched another important document that he absolutely couldn't care less about as he tried to make sense of the words on it. Crocodile rolled his eyes at his "dramatic theatrics", as he put it. And while Buggy did indeed hold the sigh a bit longer than necessary, he could argue it was a very justified reaction. The words on the paper were basically alphabet soup in his brain as it completely shut down, unable to process any more information.

He rubbed his eyes as if that would somehow fix the problem. He felt closer to death with every second he spent inside the dreary office tent. The room was suffocating, filled with the smoke of Crocodile's never ending cigars. Buggy desperately needed fresh air and exposure to direct sunlight, or a poor crew member was going to find his corpse under all those papers by the end of the day.

"Croccy, it's been hours... How many more signatures do you need from me?"

Crocodile puffed out the smoke in his mouth as he spoke, making the air in the tent even heavier. Buggy had to hold himself back from coughing as he kept his eyes locked to the other man's unimpressed ones. "You're the one who insisted on reading all the documents when I already had done so. You could have just quickly signed all of them and left by now if you weren't so stubborn."

"Of course I have to read them! How can I trust you? You could be making me sign away my life to the slave trade for all I know!"

Crocodile laughed menacingly, the only way he knew how, as far as Buggy had seen. "No one would pay good money for you, clown. And if I wanted to sell you off I would have done it by now."

Buggy crossed his arms with a frown, ready to argue with his business partner, but he was cut by a low-ranking worker entering the tent reluctantly.

"I'm saved." He thought as Crocodile got up to talk to the poor man. He took the moment to sneak outside, limb by limb. As he put himself back together outside of the tent, he took the sunlight in with a sigh and cracked his back in relief. He was unfortunately too old and certainly too sexy for an office job. Being an Emperor was supposed to be more flashy than this god dammit!

He locked eyes with the shaky man as he left the tent, and gave him a reassuring smile. The man visibly relaxed, smiling wide as he bowed down before leaving Buggy's presence.

Buggy hated how much Crocodile ruled by fear. These were his men! He was responsible for their well-being and happiness! Well, he couldn't even protect his own well-being so how could he do the same for his enormous crew...

"Don't think so hard, your head will explode."

Buggy jumped in his place as Crocodile spoke in his ear. Too close! When had he snuck up on him? He was too tired to deal with this.

"I'm gonna go now."

"Not before you sign the papers."

"I'm tired..."

"Then don't read them."

"But I want to!"

"THEN GET BACK IN THERE!" Crocodile pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his cool after his outburst. "Okay, you either go in willingly or I'll drag you in there myself if I have to." He moved his hook at an angle, making the light reflect off its sharp edge menacingly. And Buggy probably should have listened, but something snapped in him.

"Stop threatening me with that damn hook of yours! You know I can't get cut."

"But you can get pierced, can't you?"

Buggy gulped, sweat forming on his forehead but not daring to drop. "... You wouldn't dare."

"And why's that?"

"Because..." Buggy stared the scary man in the eyes and was somehow overcome with boldness he couldn't explain. "Because this" he gestured to his face with exaggerated motion "is what sells your shitty personality to everyone!" He was spitting out the words like venom, emphasising every word slowly. "You need me. Certainly more than I need you. You're just an overgrown accountant, but I'm a fucking Emperor. I leave, and the thousands of men under me also leave. You are nothing without me. So stop acting like you can get rid of me without consequences. I dare you to pierce me with that hook."

"..."

Buggy smiled smugly. "I'm gonna take a nap now."

He was lighter than a feather as he made his way to his tent, the smile never dropping from his face. He did it! Well, he wasn't quite free but it was certainly a step in the right direction. And sue him, he was fucking proud of himself.

As he left with his head in the clouds, he was completely unaware of the scene he left behind him. Crocodile was fuming. He felt hot with anger and another annoying, sticky emotion eating at his insides. He completely ignored Mihawk, who had been a witness to the whole conversation.

The swordsman raised a brow in question at the man's silence. "What are you gonna do now, go masturbate?"

Crocodile stared daggers at the man before turning into sand and flowing away. And he absolutely did not masturbate to thoughts about the clown. Ridiculous Hawk Eye really thought he knew everything...

(and he did.)

[vinnoa-articles]

Caffeine

[Image by Eiichiro Oda]

Habit Substitute Drabble Series! This will be 5 out of the 8 drabbles I will be writing, because, why not? Some characters like certain things on a daily. But what if you were there?

Here are the links for the others.

[Luffy] [Zoro] [Usopp] [Sanji] [Law] [Smoker] [Crocodile]

Rating: +18, you have been warned. If you are a minor, leave now.

Word count: 1,447

Type: Smut

Characters: Law, reader (Female)

Trigger warnings/content: Sexual implications at the end

A grumble is all he heard, there it was, just a couple of words but it wasn’t coherent. “Law!” All that snapped him up was his name being called by her. Those eyes of hers bore into his skull, leaning so close to him that he could smell the lotion she put on her hands, caressing his stubble, those eyes that hooked him deeper than any book he was buried in. “You are holding that book upside down, you know.” Her finger pointing down to the hardcover book between his own fingers. Startled, yet calm, the creeping of embarrassment rose to his nose and he could feel it. Placing the book down so it faced her, he slid it to her.

“No no, I can read upside down. Besides-” looking down at the anatomy of the heart, to her face, then back to the right valve of the picture, “you need to study up so that we are ready for anything.” She sighed, leaning back as her soft touch left his jaw, the leaving warmth that he hadn’t felt in days, almost lifting up a finger to just touch her skin against his fingertips. It became hard to breathe, to swallow his built-up saliva, and the air felt hot. From the corner of his eye, he could spot his trusted mug half-full of the dark abyss of coffee. Hand clasping around the handle, he took a long sip to wash down his emotions that he was trying to figure out, to piece together as the caffeine would try to fix him.

“You really should stop drinking that,” her fingers grasped the mug as he was placing it back on the coaster, tugging it even to make his own fingers twitch but not release. “That’s all you drink, and it’s just making your eyebags worse doctor.”

“Oi, you can’t really tell me what to do when you were the one that wanted to study with me,” feeling his eyes roll to show his annoyance, and it was true, has been up. Pulling back his finger from the book, he instinctively dragged his hand across his face, and she was right, the puffs under his eyes felt more swollen than usual. It didn’t matter though, this was his usual routine, and there wasn’t much that was going to change. Yet, every little move she did, her foot brushing up against his thigh, the occasional yawn or maybe moan as she stretched out her arms above her head as she leaned back on her chair, to even leaning forward to get a closer look at his face.

“Hm…but doctor?” There her face was, right in front of his, it caught him off guard, almost jerking back and flinching. His instincts were precise yet slow. When he could see the whole picture, every small thing caught his eye, yet when it's right in front of his face, somehow he couldn’t register it. Her body was leaned over the book, her oversized hoodie grazing the page, her nose nearly poking his. “Your face is quite pale, despite how much sun you get, you have been drinking how many cups of coffee now?” Why was that? That was when he felt it again, those fingers bringing warmth to his face again, those fingers that he so wanted to kiss, to bite to see the tenderness of the flesh. “Doctor!” He gasped, his hand was around her hand, he guided it right near his lips, he could feel the plushness of the pads of her fingers against his lips. A hum he could feel vibrate onto her fingers.

“Ah, sorry,” the release of her wrist, trying to figure out when he grasped her wrist, maybe his thoughts intruded and did it without realizing. “Just too tired I guess,” he chuckled, as that same hand tried to reach the coffee cup, but there was something that stopped him from grabbing it. It was her lips, clasping on top of his, stopping him in his tracks, unable to process what was even going on. She backed up, squinting her eyes at him, there was a weird tug on his lips to maybe encourage a smile. “Ha…haha, well,” his body felt hot again, it was hard to inhale some fresh air, trying to even get some words out was difficult. “If that’s to keep me up, I am up, just don’t worry about me, aight?” However, she didn’t move, still watching his face so intently as if he was a test subject, it made him uneasy. Inching closer to the cup while not taking his eyes off hers, she leaned in, giving a quick peck on his lips again, he could feel her nose poke his cheek, it was brash, sudden, aggressive as if she was trying to give him a reason to stop. He was curious, how far was she going to go to stop him? Another inch, and there it was, another sweet peck on his lips, but this time, as she pulled away, she frowned. “What?”

“Is coffee that amazing?”

“It keeps me up, there is nothing else that helps me,” and with that, the woman slammed her hands on the table, nearly making every book stacked on the table jump with fear. Her skin on her hands tensed as she grabbed the ceramic mug, downing the rest of his awakening potion, her throat chugging the coffee as if it was her life. The gears turned as he saw this happen, his hand was stuck on the table, just in a trance to see his assistant, crewmate, study partner, being so aggressive when she was always the sweet and comedic one. “H…hey!”

“Well?!” Slamming that cup was the hottest thing she did, it was assertive, a side of her she never showed, nearly ever. She was so docile, so fragile by her demeanor usually, but this side made her look like she was the true captain, and not him. Those delicious hands came back, grabbing him by his t-shirt, yanking him out of his seat, bringing his torso above the table, as he anchored his right hand to the table so he didn’t fall forward any further.

“Well what? What was the point of that?!” The scent of coffee was on her teeth, the bitterness matching her aura right now was sucking him in. There was a tug again, her forehead bumping into his with a thunk, it hurt but it was overwhelming.

“You are being childish, Law!”

“For what?!”

“This stuff tastes nasty? I am here with you to keep you up or tell you to go to sleep god damn it!” Those words hit him, the strong aura piercing his heart, making his blood pump faster through his arms, sending shivers down his spine down to his toes, making them curl in his pointed shoes he didn’t even bother taking off. “Fine, if that’s how you are going to be-” Her lips crashed into his, teeth almost clattering as her tongue explored his, nearly devouring him whole, he wanted to back up, but she pulled his shirt to hint to not move at all; the taste of his favorite brew lingered on her tongue as she swirled her tongue. He was going to close his eyes, when her lips slowly pulled away. “Well?” Her eyebrow raised, questioning and seeing her eyes dart around his face for some sort of reaction. All he could do was chuckle, she was so cute when trying to act tough, especially since the grip on his shirt was trembling, it was a good effort. This was his chance, his hand clasped onto her jaw, tilting it down so his head was slightly looking down on hers, as he moved it to move it to the nap of her neck.

“Oh, lovely, if this is one way you are going to keep me up, I have other ideas that could keep me up tonight, if you want to take this to my private reading room.” Her cheeks flushed pink, he could almost read her mind, as the table shifted near her legs, as she closed them, that is what he didn’t miss in his sights. “I see we will have another long night, you better be ready to keep me up since you said caffeine is bad for me.” Maybe it was the way he could tell she was anxious now, or her legs crossing to hide her arousal, or maybe it was his cock talking. Regardless, it was going to be an interesting night to see how late he was going to get up, and maybe, just maybe, he might get some decent rest for once.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Remember basement wife taking care of a litter of kittens? I just had a thought of what would happen if the little babies started hissing whenever Crocodile is near

Since newborns can’t see or hear and can only rely on their noses, they definitely smell him when he’s nearby (bro’s constantly smoking so it’s hard not to notice his smell bleh) And since he does not smell like “mother” he gets a bunch of toothless hiss and spits…very scary

Imagine a little pile of baby beans hissing at him like squeaky toys

post referenced

Oh my god, that's so cute, I love those 'from feral to cuddly kitten' videos, the little hisses... My heart...

Oh goodness, they may not be able to see but they sure as hell recognize him. Booming steps that make the floor shake and that sharp smell of cigars - it's just too much for sensitive little kitten noses. Stinky's presence is oppressive and he takes mom away, takes those gentle, warm hands and food with him whenever he comes. Of course they don't like him. Your smell changes, too, whenever he's around - they can tell you're just as scared of him as they are, suddenly sweating, those comforting hands getting clammy, acrid with nervosity. Instinct and mom are telling them to be scared of Stinky, so that's what they are; with all the ferocity 100 grams of fur can afford. And trust me, the moment they open their eyes and put a face to that terrifying thing they hate him even more - they're just so small and he's a giant, a stinky, stinky giant.

Crocodile barely notices it at first - and when he does, he can't really find himself to care. They take you away from him, that's what bothers him in that moment, that you have to pour all of your attention into tiny, ungrateful creatures. But he agreed to this, allowed you this little piece of freedoom; so he just scoffs and curls his lip at that hivemind of fur that has decided to see him as the enemy. The moment they get more agile, wander off (and into his space, sometimes), is the moment that changes. When there is suddenly an angry kitten screaming at him from under his desk, he finds that he's actually lethally annoyed by these thankless scrubs that hog his wife and can't even shut up for a moment. It's some sort of anti-symbosis from that moment on - with the kittens hating his guts (big, scary, smelly man who mom fears is the number one threat in their lives) and him narrowing his eyes at the little shits that are marginally larger than dustbunnies and like to pee on his shoes. He never touches them, would never take out his anger on them - not when he has you, when he can simply spank your ass bloody over not watching your spawn closely enough to keep them from ruining yet another good piece of leather. But it's nothing a fresh cigar and his trembling wife over his knee can't fix.

[bananabeebenson]

I Can ALSO Fix Him

tSim

I would like to state a very needed disclaimer at this point; I do not tend to learn my lesson. My dating history would prove that, therefore I have returned to haunt the tumblr feed of whoever may see this with my ever growing familiar statement; I can fix him.

Or, in this case, I can ALSO fix him.

Now, I have stated my plans to fix another criminal in the past, as stated here. How successful those ideas still stand to be tested, but I am here once again to bring to light that there is someone else on the list of ‘not-so-good-people’ I am willing to fix.

Crocodile. Sir Crocodile.

And I’m here to say, I can ALSO fix him.

Similar to that of Doflamingo, Crocodile is not a very good man. A smart man, oh sure. A brilliant man even for the plans he put in motion. An unlucky man as well, for his timing, and also a lucky man as well, for his timing yet again. But he is not someone who would eagerly take me on a date at the first bouquet of flowers dropped on his very expensive shoes. No, he is somehting of class; something that would take a little bit of convincing to fix him.

Attempt 1: A Vacation

Okay, it sounds simple enough, maybe even too simple to most, but everyone has to know this man has never had a vacation in his life. For as much as we know, he has been fighting to survive since day one and never once had he had an actual break. Every day spent in Alabasta  was a day dedicated to achieving his goals. Even in that casino with all that money and all that time, I doubt he ever thought to lay out and catch a nice tan while taking over a country.

So, perhaps he would like to go somewhere tropical. Nice, windy beach with those expensive drinks and fancy straws to sip on. Maybe he’d like to go on a hiking trip through the mountains somewhere, camping out each night and ‘roughing’ it up.

Or, in all honesty, just put this man in a hotel somewhere far away and tell him to not work for the weekend at least. Then maybe forever.

Attempt 2: A Massage

This could tie in with the first (and is totally not an excuse to put my hands on him) but this man is knotted all the way up. Considering his Devil Fruit and the lack of people he would trust to touch him that intimately, I have high doubts he has ever had a massage. Hell, I doubt he’s had much human interaction outside of possible physical violence on another person.

Therefore, you get this man to slide off his coat and even just lean forward enough so you can start working those shoulders, you might just take enough tension off of him that he would entirely forget about wanting to take over any countries or kill old people that scarred his face up. A full body massage and this man might just fall to pieces on you.

Attempt 3: Kisses?

Just...like kiss the man? His lips are probably chapped, and his skin might not be so smooth if he keeps up his sandy texture, but he definitely needs a kiss. A forehead kiss, a cheek kiss, a neck kiss. Hell, kiss his hand and make him feel like a king. Give this man all the affection he could have with your lips and that might just be a distraction enough that he would forget he’s supposed to be evil. Is he misbehaving and threatening more crimes that should make you dislike him? Forehead kiss. Solves all the problems.

Attempt 4: Get Him Nicer Pets

The Bananagators are cool. They’re great, even, but they just scream ‘evil’. You know what doesn’t scream evil? A gecko. A ferret. Anything but the giant, menacing creatures that he actively uses to devour other people. Get this man a small animal (preferably non-venomous and also small enough that they can’t eat people) and make him care for it. Get him something high-maintenance that will require all of his attention and he has no time to be evil. Simple yet effective.

Attempt 5: F U C K H I M 

See a pattern yet?

All these villainous people are pent up. They have issues, they’re angry, and they’re not shagging up in the way they need to be. So, take off your pants and put this man through the ringer. I’m talking like sap this man of any ounce of energy he has by riding him into oblivion and make sure there’s not a single functioning brain cell in that mind to even imagine being evil again. Oh, he probably has stamina, but you can get creative. Wring him out like a wet towlette until he has only drops to give and keep wringing.

In Conclusion

I swear I can ALSO fix him.

[ladystrallan]

Once Upon a Time season 5A thoughts

I’m rewatching OUAT and I wanted to share some of my opinions on each season!

- The random girl shushing his ominous speech is so funny

- Wow he just poofed into dust

- Omg the end of excalibur is the dagger

- “Mate don’t” idk why but that is funny

- “We need someone wicked” yassss

- Omg the rose

- Wow iconic move to cut her hand off to remove the bracelet

- She is so good at manipulating everyone

- Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

- “Accent’s a bit much no?” Lol rumple

- “Out dwarves, adults only” Regina…

- “Well… you don’t look like a crocodile” why is this episode so funny

- Okay I remember really not liking Arthur and the whole Camelot plot line

- OUAT loves a memory loss plot

- Omg dark emma

- She’s got a cool look

- Not dopey turning into a tree

- OMG WHAT IS THAT THING???

- Hook: Emma look at me this isn’t you

- Of course she can’t dance

- Omg that guy is evil or something

- A demon sent from the underworld… hmmmm I feel like I know a hot guy from there

- I seriously can’t wait for 5b to see my man <3

- Omg Henry and Violet is so cute (I remember liking them together)

- He whips out the ipod lol

- This song is kind of a bop

- Omg she destroyed his village

- I guess there was a Robin fake out death before it actually happened

- Can you make the price like a dollar or something? Or does it have to be of equal value

- “WE’VE BEEN VIOLATED” lol

- “Have you thought about kissing it out?” Omg that’s so funny

- Regina is such a hypocrite

- She has done things just as bad if not worse than what Zelena did and yet she deserves redemption and Zelena doesn’t???

- “I wished him happy just not with my wife” lol

- “What’s that then” “It’s a picture from up inside Zelena” “Woah mate” I’M DYING

- Arthur is giving me Louis from Versailles vibes

- And if you’ve seen my Versailles thoughts, you know how I feel about Louis (I hate him)

- Noooo not on her birthday

- DAVID NO DON’T TRUST HIM

- Omg they kissed

- I mean, if you’re neglecting your wife it’s kinda understandable if she cheats

- “Well, there’s this girl” “Is there indeed?” Loved the delivery Killian

- “Is that your dad?” “No it’s my horse” lol

- That’s sinister, using magic to keep your wife from leaving you

- Arthur is such an asshole omg

- Omg Merida is back

- “I need you to make him brave” wow that’s what her movie is called

- Ooh that’s Merlin

- I’m pretty sure he was talking about Nimue (and she was the first dark one)

- Well that’s a way to meet the dad

- “When this kingdom is attacked by ogres” WHY IS IT ALWAYS OGRES???

- Awwww that’s cute a little date

- “Um hi milady” lol

- Not the friend zone

- This is giving me so much second hand embarrassment

- Taunting rumple with belle is the way to make him brave

- She is his courage… that’s so cute

- Love the arrow in the intro

- Wow I guess no one cares about rumple then

- Slay belle for standing up for him

- NO NOT THE CHIPPED CUP

- Please tell me they can fix it :(

- NOOOOO DON’T KILL BELLE

- I do like the idea of rumple being all heroic for her

- Omg I’m crying this is so sweet

- Zelena and Emma team up??? Iconic

- YASSSS RUMPLE

- “He’s not my sweetheart” I think he is belle ;)

- OMG SLAY RUMPLE

- “You saved me” “Actually I think you saved me” AWWWWWWWW

- “I would change everything for you” screaming

- YASSSSSS RUMPLE PULLING THE SWORD

- I’m a slut for good rumple (or just rumple in general lol)

- I do miss him having magic though

- Why is Zelena so slay all the time?

- The outfits, the acting, the trickery, 10/10

- Emma’s lucky she didn’t get the dark one skin condition

- She just got a bleach job and a new outfit

- Arthur is such a dickhead omg i can’t stand him

- Lol Rumple’s Merlin impression

- Zelena was like switched sides? Time for an outfit change

- Omg she’s going into labour

- Why does every evil person want a baby? How many dark spells require that?

- Omg the house that he picked

- “Did someone scream for a doctor?” Yasssss Dr Whale is back!

- Did he go to the same hair salon as Emma lol

- Yassss mulan is back!

- Mulan and Merida: iconic team up

- RUBY!

- So many characters I love are back this season :)

- OMG IT WAS ARTHUR

- Me anytime I see Arthur: “Dickhead”

- OMG RUMBELLE

- MY HEART

- THEY ARE SO CUTE

- Regina & co are actually so awful to Zelena about this whole baby thing

- Like I get that it’s Robin’s baby but it’s hers too

- And I’m pretty sure being away from the mother is bad for a baby’s development

- Like at least let her visit with supervision

- I guess when you become the dark one you immediately know how to use magic

- Ok I guess they are letting her see her baby

- SHE CAME TO THE WELL

- NOOOOOOOO

- Was not expecting the break up part 2 :(

- Me sobbing

- How is she pregnant in 5b though???

- They must get together by the end of 5a

- Catch me opening the underworld portal so I can see my man <3

- The visual of all the dark ones sitting in the boat together is so funny to me

- It’s giving summer camp vibes

- “The underworld is worse than you could possibly imagine” uhhhh no rumple my true love is there so I think it’s pretty great

- Awwww rumple sending her to see the world

- NOOOOOO RUMPLE IS MARKED

- That’s actually so vile to send her away so she literally CANNOT SEE HER BABY

- Slay move by hook

- Rip (until he gets resurrected)

- Belle didn’t leave!

- THEY’RE KISSING

- YASSSSSSS

- And the baby was conceived ;)

- Rumple being the dark one again, kinda slay

- Kind of bad for his redemption arc though

- “I will always find you” we love a good iconic line

- I am so excited to see Hades!!! Love of my life (and death)

How I feel about the characters this season

Love: RUMPLE (10/10 character development), Belle, Zelena, Dr Whale, Merida

Like: Emma, Hook, Mulan, Ruby, Nimue (idk she’s kinda cool)

Neutral: Snow, David, Merlin, Guinevere, Henry

Dislike: Regina, Robin

Hate: Arthur

Season rating: 6/10

Firstly, I HATE ARTHUR AND I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL HE’S DEAD. I don’t care for the Camelot arc, but I do like dark Emma and Rumple got some really good character development (even though he went back to being the dark one). I also like Merida and it was nice to see Ruby, Dr Whale, and Mulan again. Gets an extra 0.5 for setting up my absolute favourite arc in the show (the underworld)

[curlyhairednerd]

Circé, Bink’s Brew, and Rosé

Buggy heard her before he ever saw her.

Gather up all of the crew!

He was being led back to a ship by this Roger guy and his first mate Rayleigh. He could hear someone singing loudly as he approached.

It’s time to ship out Bink’s Brew!

“Cece’s at it again!” Roger laughed. “She’ll never stop singing that song.”

“I tried, but it’s her favorite.” Rayleigh sighed. “At least she got her mother’s singing voice.”

Buggy’s eyes went wide when he saw her. The girl with long blonde hair had a younger red head by the hands and was spinning around the deck with him. Her purple eyes landed on him and fixed him in place.

Sea winds blow, to where who knows?

The waves will be our guide!

The next thing Buggy knew, he had been dragged into her dance, replacing the red head.

O’er across the ocean’s tide

Rays of sunshine far and wide

Crocodile watched in amusement as she sang. Ever since she found her devil fruit, even her songs were enchanting to listen to. The entire bar was singing along and so caught up in the mood that no one noticed she was robbing them all.

Birds they sing of cheerful things

In circles passing by!

Circé laughed as she took a seat by him. “Throat too dry with sand?” She asked.

“I’m not stupid enough to let you rob me again.” He grunted, still bitter about the last.

“Hey I made it up to you by giving you a golden hook!” Circé pouted, turning back to the crowd. “How can someone not sing along to this?”

Bid farewell to Weaver’s town

Say so long to port renowned

Crocodile smiled into his ale as he heard her softly sing along with the drunken crowd. He’d throw her a bone this once.

Sing a song, it won’t be long

Before we’re casting off!

Mihawk wondered how he got here. Trapped in a party led by Shanks and Circé, two of the biggest drunken fools he had ever met. Oh right, because Circé was pregnant and someone had to make sure she wasn’t going to get drunk. And she didn’t trust Shanks so that’s why he came.

Cross the gold and silver seas

A salty breeze puts us at ease!

“Whew!” Circé laughed as she took a seat. “I haven’t had this much fun all year! You were right Shanks, you throw the best parties!”

“And my new niece or nephew deserved the best welcoming party!” Shanks cheered. “I still can’t believe you of all people are going to be a mother! How did that even happen!?”

Mihawk watched in confusion as Circé’s eyes widened, and wondered why she so desperately grabbed a cup to shove in Shank’s hands. “Who cares why?!” Circé laughed. “Just worry about how you’re gonna be my babysitter!”

“What was that about?” Mihawk asked his friend as they watched Circé return to the party.

Day and Night

To our delight

The voyage never ends!

Circé rocked her baby as she paced around deck. “I appreciate you helping me out so much.”

“It’s no problem.” Tom assured her.

“I know you’re busy with the train.” Circé continued. “I just need help making sure her crib and dresser don’t slide around.”

“You just have a seat honey and let the boys take care of things.” Kokoro said, handing Circé a bottle. “They’ll have your ship baby proofed before the day ends.”

Circé nodded and took a seat. Roselyn was starting to get fussy so Circé began to sing.

Gather up all of the crew,

it’s time to ship out Bink’s Brew!

Circé noticed that the younger of Tom’s kids, Cutty Flam was giving her odd looks as she held her baby. She wondered why until she remembered what Tom had told her. Cutty’s parents were pirates who abandoned him. He was probably wondering if she’d do the same with Roselyn.

Pirates we, eternally, are challenging the sea!

With the waves to rest our heads

Ship beneath as our beds

Rosé felt… odd as she listened to Brook’s play. “What is this song?” She asked.

“Bink’s brew.” Robin explained. “It’s a very popular sea shanty.”

Hoisted high, upon the mast, our Jolly Roger flies!

Somewhere in the endless sky

Stormy winds are blowing wide

“I know this song…” Rosé said quietly.

“Course you do.” Franky said. “I’ve heard plenty of pirates singing it back in Water 7.”

“No, that’s not it.” She insisted. “But I can’t remember.”

Waves are dancing

Evening comes

It’s time to sound the drums!

“Please tell me more.” Rosé begged.

But steady men and never fear!

Tomorrow’s skies are always clear!

“Bink’s Brew.” Shakky sighed nostalgically. “Your mother’s favorite song.”

“She told us that she was even making it your lullaby.” Rayleigh said. “We could never get her to stop singing it.”

So pound your feet

And clap your hands

Till sunny days return!

“It’s my favorite song and I hate it more than anything else.” Buggy the Clown told her. “Because she always looked so happy singing it and I will never hear her sing it again.”

Gather up all of the crew

It’s time to ship out Bink’s Brew

“That bitch got me so drunk and relaxed I didn’t notice she stole my hook right off my hand!” Crocodile scowled. “And I never paid her back for that!”

Wave goodbye, but don’t you cry

Our memories remain!

Shanks sighed. “Cece was always the life of the party, and nothing made her more exciting than that song. If I had known that was the last party we’d have, I’d have done so much more.”

Our days are but a passing dream

Everlasting though they seem

“Circé was an… unusual woman.” Mihawk mused. “You didn’t get a lot of female pirates of her caliber back then. You could say she inspired a generation. She had a lovely voice.”

Beneath the moon we’ll meet again

The waves our lullaby!

“Damn I wish I knew it was you.” Franky was beating himself up badly now that he knew the truth. “Maybe Iceberg and I could’ve helped you when you first came to Water 7.”

“I was a baby, why would you recognize me as a ten year old?” Rosé comforted.

After all is said and done

You’ll end up a skeleton

“Your mother sounds wonderful.” Crossette sighed. “I wish we could’ve met her.”

“Grandfather said that she wanted to be buried on Raftel.” Rosé said. “When we get there, I’m going to make sure she has a grave.”

So spread your tale

From dawn til dusk

Upon these foamy seas!!

[luminous-jones]

Sailing Off To Find My Happy Ending- OUAT fanfiction- Killian Jones- Chapter 3

By Luna Jones (Luminous-Jones)

"I know you're their dearie," the voice of a man called out weakly causing Kenzie to gasp and lose her footing. She fell to the floor.

Damnit, she thought and got back to her feet and sighed. Now that her hiding spot had been compromised she had no other choice but to leave and change her fate.

Regretting her choice she made her way out of her hiding space taking her jam doughnut with her.

"Who are you?" The man asked when she emerged from where she had been hiding.

She didn't know this man other than the brief moments she had seen in her dreams of Storybrook.

"Callie, my names Callie," she replied giving the name she gave to those she couldn't trust because something was telling her that he couldn't be.

"What are you doing on Hook's ship?" She added.

"I could ask you the same question," he replied.

"Exploring," Kenzie told him.

"You expect me to believe that," he stated.

"Believe what you want but I'm not lying," she said.

"Even if it was true, which I know it isn't, how do you know Hook?" He questioned her.

"I just met him outside on the docks. When we bumped into each other," she answered.

"Sure you did," he spoke sarcastically and then added "tell the truth. Did he put you up to this?" He demanded.

"Put me up to what?" Kenzie wondered.

"To trick me so that you two can make sure the job is finished," he replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" She admitted.

"Stop pretending you don't know," he ordered.

"I don't," Kenzie spoke firmly as it would make him believe her, and then she had evaluating thought. "Wait are you the one who he wanted to kill? He said he wanted to kill a crocodile. That's you?" She questioned.

"So you do know that he came to kill me?" The man asked.

"I thought he wanted to kill a crocodile, not a man but I've only just met him and I don't work for him. I'm not helping him. I did just come on the ship to explore," Kenzie said.

The man struggled to move. Kenzie stepped back, worried about what he was going to do. But she relaxed when he settled back in his seat. "Anyway, why would I want to kill you when I don't even know you or Hook? Well not really. I only know of him through stories of Peter Pan," she lied. She wasn't about to reveal she'd been having dreams about him.

"Well sorry dearie, I don't believe you and I can't take my chances," the man said.

"What are you going to do to me? It looks as if you are dying?"

"Oh, believe me just me being alive right now is enough when we get to Storybrook, " he stated causing Kenzie's heart to drop. She knew that the threat was genuine and it scared her but she wasn't going to let him know that.

So her eyes fixed on him and questioned him as she asked, "where's Storybrook?" Trying to play along with the idea that she didn't know what he was talking about and didn't know that fairytales were true.

"You'll find out soon enough, " he replied

Kenzie took deep breaths. And then wanted to put as much distance between him and herself, so she made a start for the door. Given the condition he was in she knew she had the advantage. Plus there were others on the ship, so she needed to find a way off before anyone else saw her. She ran but didn't get far because once again she collided with someone.

Kenzie stepped back to see a blonde-haired woman in her late twenties to thirties looking at her with lowered eyebrows. "Who are you?" The woman questioned.

Before relying on them, Kenzie looked at her the way she had the man and something told her that she was more trustworthy and less dangerous than the man but she still wasn't sure if she could trust her. Besides the man sat not far from where they stood, so she still used the fake name, "Callie," she replied.

"What you doing on this ship?" The woman asked her.

"She came onto exploring it, " he answered for her.

"I did, " Kenzie spoke firmly.

"She's lying she knows hook, " the man pointed out.

"You know Hook?" The woman asked.

"Not really no," she half lied. She did know him but not really. "I just met him today for like 5 seconds. We bumped into each other and he was like I have a crocodile to kill and then walked off. With him gone I thought I'd have a look at his ship because I kinda have a thing for boats and the sea and I've always wanted to see a pirate ship up close so I jumped on board, " Kenzie explained hoping that this woman would believe her.

"You expect us to believe that?" Asked the man.

"Gold's right."

"It's true. You have to believe me, " begged Kenzie.

"Then how did you see the ship?"

"A big massive pirate ship. It's not like it's hard to miss, " she acknowledged.

"Right suppose what you say is true how would you know who you met was Hook? In this world, he's just believed to be a story you wouldn't even think he was him, " the woman pointed out.

"Well I've always wanted to believe in another world and always kinda did, but I couldn't not without proof. But meeting him proved it because it all made sense. I put two and two together. Hook, Crocodile, ship. Captain Hook. I thought that it had to be true. You two called him Hook so that makes it true, " she told them.

"So you're telling us you knew who he was because you believe in fairytales and magic?"

"Yeah, I guess so, " Kenzie responded finally realizing that it was true. She did believe.

"I have a hard time believing that," Gold declared.

"Why?"

"Because this is a land without magic, " Gold stated.

"Then it looks like you thought wrong, " Kenzie told him crossing her arms.

"But it doesn't make sense, " the blonde woman said quietly.

"What doesn't? That someone can believe in magic?" Kenzie wondered uncrossing her arms and looking over to the woman.

"No, this ship has a cloaking spell on it. You shouldn't have been able to see it, " she answered.

"What?" Kenzie asked raising her eyebrows slightly. How was that possible? She had seen it. She's right it doesn't make sense, though Kenzie.

"See that's more prove she's lying, " Gold said.

"But I'm not everything I have said is true, " she asserted, getting fed up with saying the same thing over and over again. How many times did she have to explain herself and tell them everything she was saying was true?

"I think she's telling the truth. It doesn't make sense but she's not lying, " the woman said.

Finally, thought Kenzie and God asked the woman, "let me guess, your superpower is telling you that? "

"Yeah, " replied the woman.

"Well I still don't trust her, she could still be a threat, " Gold said.

"Well, I do. None of it makes sense but I know she's not lying, " disagreed the woman.

"So what you're just going to let her go?"

"What else am I supposed to do?" Asked the woman.

"Not trust her for a start, " answered Gold.

"Says the least trustworthy person here, " Kenzie snaps and the two of them glared at her with a confused look, that made total sense. She had just met them so how could she know anything about them?

"I sort of have a good judge of character, " Kenzie added.

"I'm hoping I'm right in trusting you, " the woman stated.

"You are, " Kenzie reassured her.

"When we get to Storybrook you're free to go home, " the woman told her

"Thanks but where is Storybrook? Is it where you live? " Wondered Kenzie.

"It's in Maine and yes, " she replied.

"So there are other storybook characters that live there?" Kenzie asked.

"Yeah," she answered.

"So who are you?" inquired Kenzie.

"Emma, " she replied.

Emma? Thought Kenzie because she didn't recall an Emma in any fairy tales she had read. "So are you from a fairytale?"

"I am but it's complicated, " she responded.

"Oh, " uttered Kenzie.

"Yeah, " said Emma and then turned to face Gold and added, "well I'm going to go back to Henry and Neal, I just came to see if you were still with us."

"I'm afraid you can't get rid of me that easy dearie, " he said.

"I don't want you to die. You're Henry's grandfather. If I wanted that why would I be helping you?" Emma told him.

"Anyway, hang in there till we get back, " she added and then made her way out.

Kenzie followed after Emma not want to stay with Gold and the two make their way back onto the deck, where another man and a young boy about 11 years old stood at the wheel.

[generalb]

Places I would chill if I were tiny, invincible, and able to create anything:

1. In a big pot of stew and meat with the lid on, chilling in a flamingo float, enjoying the steam like the worlds tastiest sauna

2. On the back of a crocodile, with a pillow, as it gently treads through the waters of Georgia

3. Against a toad, as it sits there gently ribbiting. The ridged bumps of its back feel amazing against my own.

4. inside somebody’s walls. Not like a creepy way, but more like I’m role playing as a borrower you know? I’d get the hook on a string and everything. Satisfy my appetite with but a single crumb of bread and a thimbleful of Dr. Pepper

5. On top of some fancy ladies shoulder as she attends a gala. Only she could see me, and we’d exchange witty banter about the unattractive men that attempt to woo her over the evening. Aside from bantering, I’d probably just lay down and read a book, enjoy the music from the live band. Speaking of which….

6. Inside a cello being played with the fingers. On a comfy mattress at the bottom. I think c the jazzy vibrations would fix me.

7. In that nuclear power plant pool. Again I’d bring back the flamingo float. A cup of A&W. Listen to some Fallout Radio for themeing.

8. Inside a crystal cave, one of those where everywhere is crystal. In a sleeping bag, I’d listen to Cold Storage from Pokemon Black and White as I shine a flashlight around, watching the light refracting.

9. On the back of a Turkey. Peaceful little fellows that make funny sounds. The feathers oughta be soft so I’d only need a pillow to prop up my head to look at tumblr on my mobile device.

10. Somewhere in Jupiters storms. I fucking love a good rainstorm and I imagine it would be fun. I’d be in an invincible dome with my favorite books as the muffled thunder can be heard outside.

11. On the back of one of those bigass spiders. They terrify me, but the furry ones have GOT to be comfy at a small size

12. Inside someone’s earrings. I’d cosplay as either their conscience or their tiny evil advisor telling them to not trust their friends and family, they’re out to get your gold and your fame my liege

13. In the center of a loosely rolled up scarf. Warm everywhere but not restricting

[wordy-little-witch]

My brain is all over the place so I'm gonna mix n match my stuff with the only common theme being Buggy and hyperfixation.

But like. Age regression. Not the funky cool supernatural kind in fiction, the coping mechanism (I like the fiction ones too tho but for this, it's coping mechs)

Just. Buggy and Shanks both having had a frankly RIDICULOUS amount of childhood trauma and both turning to different methods to cope. Buggy got introduced to age regression both bc he already kinda sorta did t involuntarily without KNOWING and then when he brought on some people to his crew with experience in psychology and therapy for whatever reason.

He got dragged to self care hours, kicking and screaming at first and then more willingly. Turns out the "off vibes" were actually severe psychological distress, PTSD, etc. Who knew? Anyway yeah.

Cabaji, Mohji and Ritchie were the ones who were first aware of Buggy's "fuzzy episodes" as he called it. Was hard not to be in close quarters on a tiny ass ship holding three nearly grown men and a growing lion. As the crew grew, even when they got the Big Top, they were still mostly aware of things. Ritchie in particular always seemed to just... Know when Buggy was blurred out and needed a hand. Or to have smth to cuddle and pet.

Mohji actually brings it up in HIS therapy sessions without naming names. Just "hey how can I help with [x,y,z]?" There's some hums and haws before finally herspist is like "sounds like it could be anything, so I can't definitively say. Keep doing whatever has worked so far, I guess,but take care of yourself too. Maybe recommend your friend talk to a professional, like me or one of the other doctors."

Buggy is vehemently against it for a good while until he finally reaches a point that he's getting frustrated. He's scared and mad and decides he'll ACTUALLY consider it - then during one of his own sessions, he gets triggered into a panic attack, which spirals due to exhaustion into him just... clicking out. Surprise. Looks like it's happening whether he wants it or not.

Through this and subsequent meetings and experimenting, he gets told that what he's doing is a blend of regression and dissociation. They decide to try to separate thebtwo to see if maybe they can turn this from a defense to a decompression method.

Buggy still can count on one hand the number of people he trusts to know this - but it does help. He's doing... a lot better actually, with this. It doesn't fix everything, but it DOES help him stay steady enough to work on the things that need fixing. Cabaji, Mohji, Ritchie, and later Alvida are also finding themselves enjoying the time they spend together when Buggy wants or needs company. They also start picking up on some smaller things about Buggy that have turned the odd quirks and strange habits into smth more, start getting puzzle pieces to the bigger picture.

They secretly start a hit list but that's for another time.

Impel Down was an absolute hot mess, and the recovering from that and the subsequent summit war was not pretty. Just when things started coasting again on slightly smoother waters, Crocodile and Mihawk show up with the instatement of the Cross Guild.

Might just make a tag specifically for my agere stuff bc Buggy is my little blorbo and I shamelessly project on him so I may throw all my clown themed thought here

[silkendandelion]

Million Dollar Baby (completed), A One Piece fanfiction

Sir Crocodile x OC (male) Words: 40.8k Genre: Comedy, drama, smut, fluff

Summary: River checks in with friends and handles his first assignment. A date is made, as well as the appearance of the manager of the hotel.

Rated Teen and Up Audiences for strong language and mature themes. Rating changes published per chapter.

Chapter 5

Still so early in the afternoon on what for most of the city was a normal business day, River found the lobby to be blissfully quiet. Quiet enough he had to try particularly hard to avoid the woman rushing to catch him coming off the elevator.

“Sir? A moment of your time,” she called politely. A striking woman, blue-black hair and bluer eyes, compounded with her soothing voice to make him trip over his own feet.

“Ah—no English,” he tried, whipping his face away to hopefully keep it from her memory.

“En Español? Français?”

Struck by the idea his only option was to flee, he sprinted out the front door, muttering some frustrated apology in an incoherent mix of English and Spanish. She would not pursue, instead admitting his momentary victory by falling back to regroup.

“If he would just speak to me, we could clear this whole thing up,” she sighed. Behind her, the young receptionist fidgeted with her earring.

“Miss Robin, maybe we should leave him alone? I mean, he might be the guest of someone important.” She moved to touch her bashful flush.

“I would, Except Mrs. Pennyworth said he made her uncomfortable, and none of the staff can tell me his name.”

“I understand… He’s just so cute.” She pressed her palms to her cheeks, and Robin gave her a soft, patient smile.

“Please don’t forget to leave a detailed report for the evening shift, Mila. Leave the stranger to me.”

“Yes, ma’am!” She grinned.

~*~

The payphone took the last of the coin’s in his pocket.

“Zeff?” He asked when an old man’s voice answered with a grumble about only accepting pickup orders before 4 pm. “It’s River.”

‘River? Oh, how are you—’ Sounds of a brief struggle interrupted him, some colorful swears and the eventual passing of the receiver before Sanji’s voice took over.

‘Where have you been?’ He snapped around his cigarette. ‘You didn’t come back last night.’

“Waiting up for me, were you?”

‘I was… here overnight for inventory and s-spring cleaning! That’s all.’ The long drag of his cigarette hissed over the rush of passing cars. ‘You’re not in trouble, are you?’

“Don’t worry about me, I stayed overnight with a client. Listen, Sanji, tell Zeff I’m sending a check for the rent in the mail, I don’t know when I’m coming back to the apartment just yet.”

Beyond the phone call, Zeff was already yelling about bringing it the next time he saw him. ‘Emergency in Panama?’

“I—” He contemplated lying, his bottom lip caught between his teeth for a long moment. “It’s for work. I’ll be back Sunday night at the latest.”

‘Huh? Oi, River, that doesn’t sound right. What exactly are you doing?’

“Sanji.” The gentle purr of his voice, patient as ever, crowded Sanji’s ear with no room for argument. “Trust me.”

With another deep drag, his frown bent his cigarette, and he took his frustration out one of his curly eyebrows with his short, clean nails. ‘Of course I trust you. Just be safe.’

“I promise.”

Sanji set the phone back on it’s cradle, where it rested for just half a second before it was back to ringing with unfulfilled takeout orders and questions easily answered by calling the operator instead of tying up their line. His crowded kitchen, windowless and humid, stuck his collar to the back of his neck, heavy with affections he continued to swallow.

“I just worry.”

On the street, bright with summer sunshine and sparkling shops, River knew how to navigate the city easily, finding phones and fixes wherever he went, but the language of wealth escaped him. They chatted in established credit and silk suits, as strange as English when he first heard it in a tourist’s market in Panama as a boy, watching a couple in matching sunhats negotiate prices for his father’s leather-bound books. Twenty years ago, and he was still in that market.

Foolishly, he believed it didn’t matter.

“Good afternoon, sir!” A clerk greeted him inside the suit shop, their tape measure immediately coming off their shoulder to wind around their hands. “Welcome in. Are we looking for anything in particular?”

River fidgeted with the folded blazer in his hands, the wrinkled, snake-patterned one Crocodile hated, and the clerk watched his department store suit tug at his long limbs while he scanned the shop for courage.

“Well, I need something to wear to dinner. Business. Appropriate.”

They slipped the tape measure into their pocket, giving him an equally slippery grin as they gestured to the racks behind them. “I know exactly what you need. And it won’t even be that expensive.”

“You do?” River sighed, smiling back as his shoulders fell. “Thank you.”

He foolishly believed it didn’t matter that he was back to blindly wandering a market in a language he didn’t speak, collecting assumptions easier than he caught stares. Being whisked away to a dressing room to be given exactly one option to try on felt like being seen and understood, rather than being singled out and shoved into a box labeled: “cheap”, “easy”, and “not worth my time”.

“It’s—a bit big, actually.”

The suit, in plainest black, draped down his silhouette in homely, boxy lines, completely obscuring his figure and replacing the bright, colorful River with a man only Magritte could love. The pants pooled around his ankles, twisting when he turned for the clerk.

“It’s the last size in your price range, unfortunately, but everyone’s wearing their suits baggy this season. Its fashionable among all the business types.” They assured him without looking up from where they steamed another customer’s order, an awful, pink and white thing.

River frowned, finally managing to find a way to hold his body that made the suit look marginally more attractive. “How long would something custom take? Can I at least have a different shirt?”

“Too much time, I’m afraid. And too expensive. You’re having dinner tonight, you said?” They clicked their tongue at him. “You look ready to go to work, I’m not sure what else you’re expecting.”

The watch on his wrist, swallowed by the long sleeves, reminded him of such, that he had no more time to start over, find a new shop, and negotiate with a new salesman that may or may not treat him worse. He couldn’t disappoint Crocodile on his first day, not when he had already been to the bank to deposit the money and taken out cashier’s checks for Zeff and the college that left it half spent.

The bell above the door chimed, and the clerk chirped an unfamiliar greeting. “Mr. Donquixote! Welcome, sir, I have your order right here.”

They snatched up the awful pink thing to run to his side, an oppressively tall, blonde man whose tan body towered over him and River with a leaning posture, curling forward like a predatory raptor bird. His eyes jumped passed the clerk to scan River’s gaping face, sliding into a smirk when he refused to look away, no matter how his collar pooled sweat against the hot scratch of cheap wool.

“I—I have to be going. Thank you.” River fumbled to put cash on the counter, gather his old suit under his arm, and dash out of the shop before the big pink bird had anymore opportunity to speak to him.

All the way back to the hotel he cursed the ill-fitting suit around his limbs, the prejudiced clerk. He yanked at the first buttons on his shirt, desperate for air as his eyes began to prickle. Typical for trying to navigate a market with no idea how to speak the language, nothing to show for his effort but failure.

And no idea what to do next.

Not just about the dinner appointment that ticked further up the hands of the clock, but about this suffocating city, a shining diamond he wasn’t allowed to touch for circumstances he could change as easy as he could become a fish and swim back to his aunt Claudia, his tail fin tucked in defeat.

In the lobby, the woman’s voice caught his left. “Sir. If you’ll come with me, please.”

He had no more patience to hold back his sneer, or the snip of his words. “Absolutely not. I’m not going anywhere with you, I’m going back to my room.”

“You speak English now,” she smiled pleasantly. “Don’t be embarrassed. I understand you’re busy, just a few questions is all I ask.”

Even as he blushed pink at her radiant smile, her words felt too much like the policemen who approached him with thinly veiled threats as “just a few questions”.

“I refuse.”

“What is your name?” She pressed on.

“Listen. Look, I’m staying on the top floor, here’s my—card, if you don’t believe—,” his words trailed off, muffled by the swish of his terrible suit while he looted his empty pockets.

“I’ve lost my card but I’m—I really am staying here. I’m in the penthouse with Crocodile—”

“Oh.” She held up a finger over her lips to quiet him. “I see. Let’s talk somewhere privately, shall we?”

He stayed rooted to the floor as she walked the few steps to the receptionist’s desk to speak to the redhead there. “Mila, will you please create a duplicate key of the penthouse for me? Bring it to my office, and do knock first.”

Calling back over her shoulder, River found himself taken by the blue in her eyes, what he might have recognized as kindness if it didn’t feel so much like pity. “This way, please.”

He relented, shuffling after the authoritative, gentle click of her heels to an office squashed tight with books and stacked higher with papers on the little desk. She gestured to the couch—more of a love-seat, really, when it barely fit at all.

“Have a seat, Mister—I’m sorry, I never got your name.” The friendly, practiced lit of her voice pretended she just remembered, one last chance to allow him to reciprocate her civility with cooperation.

But he was a fool. “What do you want it to be?”

As easy as she had smiled, she scolded him with her eyes, cold as a frozen lake and daring him to challenge her—because she would win. Under her hard stare, he was suddenly a teenager again, caught sneaking out in the middle of the night and ruthlessly questioned by a disappointed Claudia.

“… R-River.”

“Mr. River,” she said, the friendliness back in her voice. “You’ve stated you are a guest of Sir Crocodile, and that is not a problem. Normally, we would expect to be notified of any visitors but he is a very… special guest, so I am willing to overlook it.”

The lift of her smile was more of a scrunch of her cheeks, suggesting she didn’t care for the other man at all, but was equally excellent at her job. “What I cannot overlook, however, is any inappropriate behavior towards other guests.”

“Wait, all I did was tease them a little bit. The husband was eating me with his eyes. I—” He looked anywhere else but at her, then scratched at his cheek. “I might have wiggled my ass a little, and implied we were going to have sex when we got back to the room.”

“Hm? Is that all?” She blinked at him. “The security footage has no audio, I was already well aware you ‘wiggled’ a bit.”

Her air quotes made him laugh, though he blushed a little harder. “I only meant to tease them. I apologize.”

“See how easy that was?” Her smile was quickly becoming a favorite, brighter than orchids and sky blue. “Now, about your business here.”

“Would prefer if I said he was my uncle? Or stepfather?”

“It’s not my business. Only that you behave yourself. No more teasing the other guests.”

“I’ll try not to—” He flinched under her pointed stare. “I absolutely promise to leave the other guests alone, on my mother’s grave, miss. Sir. Ma’am.”

“Good. And tell me, please, the moment anyone harasses you ever again. I won’t tolerate the other guests mistreating you either.”

The gape of his mouth, genuinely flabbergasted and fish-like, surely gave away his confusion. “Uh—huh? Who harassed me?”

“You were attacked, weren’t you? Look at the state of your clothes,” she said, and only when she didn’t elaborate did he realize she was horrifically, completely serious. After such a stressful morning, the blunt hammer of her honesty shattered the rest of his confidence.

She was equally unprepared for him to burst into tears. “Ah! Mr. River!”

Quickly, she offered a tissue and he snatched it, blowing his nose loudly and sniffling further into his baggy sleeves. “I’m so screwed, I needed a suit for tonight but this was all the salesman would sell me. I look like I’m about to—to—”

“Even Columbo would say your suit is hideous.”

He sniffled. “… Who?”

“He—nevermind. Here,” she said, back to smiling again and offering him the box of tissues to hold. “Let me make a phone call.”

Over the sound of his blowing his nose, she tapped with polished nails until the line began to ring. “Hello. Women’s clothing, please… Yes, I’ll hold… Bentham? It’s Robin, I’m not sure if you remember me, but—”

Even River could hear the stranger’s scream of delight into the receiver. “It’s lovely to hear from you as well. I have a small favor to ask: I’m sending someone over… Yes, a guest—a special guest. He needs a suit urgently and while I understand that’s not your department anymore, I was wondering if you could… Thank you.”

As she hung up the phone, she handed over a piece of paper with an address and a name in her artful, elegant penmanship. “Ask for Bentham, all right? They will take care of you.”

“I—,” he whispered, not trusting his voice to hold under the weight of her kindness. After a few swallows and more wiping his tears, he found the strength to give her a smile. “Thank you. So much.”

‘Miss Manager? It’s Mila.’ They both heard a small woman’s voice, waiting in awkward silence until she gasped—remembering to knock.

“Come in.” Robin smiled.

“The key card, Miss Manager.” She extended her little paw, pointedly not looking at the man on the couch as she adjusted the bow on the collar of her uniform.

“Mila, this is River,” said Robin, handing him the key. “He will be with us for a little while longer. Please make sure he is comfortable.”

“Of course!”

“It’s nice to meet you.” River smiled up at her, correctly assuming she would not survive a handshake without bursting into embarrassed vapors.

“And you too. Sir.”

“Just River, please.”

~*~

The address on the hotel stationary was a multi-level shopping center on the corner of the street River had traveled earlier. A department store, he assumed just for the ease of vernacular, though it still felt strange to call it such when, two steps into the door, he decided his price range without Crocodile’s help aligned more with the advertisement for gift wrapping today’s purchase under small, cursive print: “complimentary”.

Women’s clothing was in the front half of the store, between perfume and shoes, and he leaned down to check his reflection in a tabletop vanity glass when a perky sales associate suddenly crowded into his space.

“You must be Robin’s special guest.”

He startled, craning his neck to look up into their grinning face, painted porcelain with wine-violet lips and a shock of teal around thick, black lashes. “B-beautiful—I mean River. My name’s River.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Beautiful River. I’m Bon Clay: at your service.” For all their exceptional height and dancer’s build, in a pleated skirt and petal pink blouse, their strong handshake carried the insinuation they could throw him over their shoulder and carry him from a burning building with ease.

“Robin said you needed a suit. What’s the occasion? Business or pleasure?” They waved for him to follow, up a stairway to a private dressing area.

“Both, I think,” said River. “The dinner is business but I’m going with someone who I…”

“OH! Say no more, I know exactly what we’re working towards. You know, you have to be careful, mixing business and pleasure but—”

A tailor’s tape appeared from nowhere, and River found himself spun round, lassoed by his waist to fall into the computer-quick mathematics of manicured hands. Up close, their rosy perfume clouded his head with puffs of powder. “That’s half the fun, I think. Let’s pull something as gorgeous as you are, baby.”

He nodded his easy consent, light in his chest as he found himself unable to keep from grinning. A giggle bubbled up from him, suddenly a full-bellied laugh until tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.

“I make you laugh that much?” Bon Clay grinned back.

“It’s just… the last tailor I met didn’t even take my measurements. They just—shoved me into this.”

“This one?” They flapped the enormous lapel. “Thank Christmas. I’ve been holding back since I saw you because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’ll have it sent to the incinerator right away. Now, let’s get you into something sexy, yeah?”

“Not too sexy!”

“I make no promises.”

~*~

By the time he got back to the suite with his garment bag slung over his shoulder, the afternoon had begun to wane. Guests had begun to flood the lobby for afternoon check-in, crowding the elevator until he waited so long he began to check his watch just to not sit still.

No time left except for a bath and a little preening before Crocodile would expect him downstairs—but then the phone rang.

He tottered over to pick up the receiver. “Hello?”

‘What are you doing picking up the phone?’ came Crocodile’s rumbling tease.

“It rang?” The empty room received the curl of his lip.

‘Never pick up the phone.’

“What if it was an emergency?” River scooped up the phone by it’s hook, taking it with him to plop down into the armchair and twirl the cord around his unoccupied fingers.

‘You let me worry about those. Did you go shopping today?’

“I did. I think you’ll like what I bought.”

‘Perhaps I will. I’m working late, I expect you to be waiting in the lobby for me, 8 o’clock. We’ll go straight to the restaurant, a place called the Sandora.’

“Sounds expensive.” He moved to lean along the cushions. “Will there be anything I like to eat there?”

‘I’ll be sure to let them know you’re coming, so they can have a new shipment of lobster brought in.’

“What a gentleman. And yet he makes me meet him in the lobby, like I’m an afterthought of an appetizer.”

‘You are dessert. Do not be late.’

Crocodile hung up the phone, at the same time the receptionist went to replace the receiver. His smitten smirk, a teasing curl, should have startled him, rather than make his fingers itch. After a moment, he gestured with a little wave to grab her attention. “Ring him one more time for me.”

In the suite, River jogged back to the phone, half-dressed and the sound of bathwater running behind him. “Hello?”

‘What did I say about answering the phone?’

“Uh—Housekeeping. No English.”

‘Do I need to come back to the hotel?’ He smirked around his cigar, a threat to scold him in all the ways he liked.

“You promise?”

‘That was English.’ The click of the receiver made him chuckle deep in his chest, and he handed back the receiver. In the doorway behind him, Doflamingo appeared in a flash of pink and impatience.

“We’re ready for you, Crocodile, get off the phone!”

“Coming.” Maybe if he juggled his responsibilities appropriately, not responsibly, he could see him sooner.

~*~

Robin’s finger hovered over the keyboard, having typed “1” into the electronic ledger, both beside Crocodile’s name and under “additional guests”. She chewed the inside of her cheek, stretching her wrist absently until she firmly pressed the “delete”.

As much as she preferred to not make assumptions about other people’s lifestyles, she had reached a conclusion about River’s business in the hotel, his business with Crocodile, and determined that as long as he operated under his own free will, she would not cause him any trouble. Mila’s scrupulous accounting in the copy of the ledger at the front desk would be all they needed in case the man found himself in danger—anything more was none of her concern.

She had waited on Crocodile several times over the last few years, as often as his business brought him back to the coast. He spent enough money the owner considered him a privileged guest, but that was all anybody really knew about him. He kept to himself and spoke politely enough, leaving his room every morning and returning every evening long after dark. The desk clerks knew to expect his call soon after for dinner, further unseen until morning.

So, on Sunday when he arrived for the evening much earlier than usual with a smiling blonde on his arm—of course she noticed. More so, she made it her business to know his name when that same morning another guest came to complain just prior the blonde coming downstairs, brunette this time. He was clumsy, shy, hopelessly clueless as she all but shoved him into her office for answers, but as he approached her desk now, carrying a bakery box and wearing a new button-down with the tag sticking out of his collar, she found him endearing.

“Mr. Faustina. What can we do for you?” She rounded the desk to gently break the tag, mindful of his flinch.

“I wanted to thank you.” He held out the box in his hands. Mila leaned to peek over her shoulder with wide, curious eyes, gasping when he peeled back the lid on a collection a bakery treats, little cakes with shiny fruit topping and garnish of fresh rind and mint.

“Oh, they’re beautiful! Thank you!” She beamed beside Robin’s pleased little smile.

“Thank you, River.”

“I’m—,” His fingertips itched the back of his neck, picking at the last of the tag. “I feel like a horrible man to ask you for yet another favor. But…”

“Name it,” said Robin, while Mila shoved one of the cakes passed her lips in happy, greedy bites. Her other hand took the offered napkin.

His request, whispered between them, surprised her more than that first night when he appeared on the elbow of a man she didn’t believe could make anyone smile so bright. She decided the details didn’t matter and, as the hotel’s manager, any polite request from a special guest would not be refused.

“Miss Mila, please work independently for a little while. I’ll return shortly.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“And please do not eat over your ledger.”

~*~

“All right, River, please recite back what you have learned.”

“This,” he touched the silverware closest to his napkin, furthest from the plate, “Is the salad fork. Then dinner—”

“Second course—”

“Second course. Then dinner.”

“And when we are completely confused?”

“We excuse ourselves, and hide in the bathroom until dessert?”

“No,” her giggle made him smile. “We work outside inward. Or peek at what our neighbor is using.”

“I don’t want to embarrass him,” River admitted, after a moment of picking at the tines on the salad fork with his fingertip. “But I’ve never done this before.”

Robin studied him for almost too long, wondering if he was simply a hard worker by nature, or if that’s what he wanted her to think.

“I’m sure everyone will be so taken by you that they won’t even notice what fork you’re holding.”

Chapter 6

[psychelis-new]

Hi Lys, I’ve been having repeated dreams for the past nights.

So there’s this lake. By the day it’d look calm and sparkling that I’d ride on a boat. But I had to be aware of passing time bcs when it got darker, the lake would turn green and a crocodile would show up. I had been chased twice, but thankfully never got caught.

Also, the attack started even before the dusk came. The sky was still bright, but I “knew” that it’d be sunset soon.

Could you help me interpret it, please?

Hello! Sure let's try

I think you may be trying to avoid confronting something. It could be related with negative emotions that may arise inside of you like being judged or the need to evaluate something or someone (you feel betrayed, eg.). You probably feel as everything is okay as you don't "touch" that subject or as you postpone thinking about it, but I think your unconscious is asking you to actually confront it and make a change actively, without waiting for things to fix themselves or running away from them. I feel like you know what you have to do but again, you're trying to avoid that because it feels easier or less dangerous or anything like that. Maybe you also don't trust your own judgement or yourself (your intuition)? Whatever it is, things will turn out well and it's not as dangerous as you think to confront it all. You can do it (and you can talk about it/ask for help to someone you trust). Go slow.

I think the dream is repeating because you probably need to master a lesson now. Maybe be brave and follow your own intuition instead of discarding it and your deeper/truest emotions.

Take care!

[silentanomaly]

TLDR: my life sucks. Negative ass vent post.

Can't get a house. Can't rent an apartment. Can't keep a job without losing my sanity. Can't maintain my sanity when I try. Can't have a proper vacation away from the trouble. Can't remember to take my meds every night with all the stress discombobulating me from routine. Can't see properly through my left eye since childhood. Can't fix that without lasic eye surgery. Can't play my favourite games because they stop working for mysterious reasons. Can't follow through with CBT without being derailed. Can't put myself out there for dating because I'm messed up. Can't go through a single rite of passage in life without the people who I'd think would be supportive and want to celebrate it making me feel like shit or just ignoring me (no celebration, crumb of support beyond paying for car repairs, thanks mom). Can't get my first car, not with the lack of space before my dad passed, and not without my dad dying early from cancer and inheriting the vehicle. Can't move out, not without my dad dying and myself being pushed to the point of wanting to leave mid-grieving. Can't trust my family. Can't talk to my sister. Can't talk to my homeboy. Can't properly grieve. Can't recover from my trauma. Can't keep an appliance without it breaking. Can't keep a headset without it going staticky. Can't get through a year without someone important to me dying or almost dying. Can't adopt a cat in my current domicile. Can't put food in the fridge without risking it being eaten on me or possibly even contaminated. Can't walk across the floor without my feet getting dirty because the whole place is permeated with smoke and dirt. Can't keep it clean despite my efforts (not my responsibility to constantly clean my homeboy's house that he made zero effort to prep before I moved in, that he continues to live about heinously). Can't keep friends when they're all put off by me for who I am and what I stand for. Can't rest easy. Can't forget bad things that haunt and plague me. Can't follow through with councilling when I have other priorities and plenty means to interrupt it whether I anticipate it or not. Can't afford to live. Can't expect people to help me. Can't get financial assistance beyond the bare minimum because my doctor thinks I'm abusing the system as I'm trying to take steps toward getting back to work. Can't continue to live off the bare minimum. Can't stay unemployed when I can't be supported while I try to make steps towards recovering and healing as my doctor is a callous prick. Can't fucking do anything without jumping through hoops of fire or leaping over ravines inhabited by crocodiles or just absolutely biting the bullet.

What can I do? Drive. Smoke weed (provided to me, luckily). Lay in bed. Decay. Wait for something better despite efforts to attain something better. Keep my room clean. Pet Bandit when he's not frustratingly overbearing. Brush my teeth. Watch something. Stare at various depictions of cats around my room. Apply for a job and repeat the cycle of wanting to kill myself and quitting to account for my problems that keep me from being a regular functioning human being with a job. I could also kill my doctor. But, I won't. It's crazy how I can give him so much context into how fucked my life has been since childhood, and he'll tell me "everyone has mental issues" and dismiss me. "You don't help yourself. Get a job." He says. Meanwhile his receptionist, who is working, doesn't even do her job, by uh...answering the fucking phone. She never answers. Insists on leaving a message and they'll get back to me. That is not a receptionist. Her lines aren't even busy when I questioned her on it. But, when I called her out, she does a 180 and says she's talking on the phone all the time. Didn't take a single call during my appointment. Small office. She doesn't even answer it...and doesn't always call back when you leave a message either.

I'm going nuts in this world of crusty ass older people who are supposed to be running things, and expect us to be better, and themselves don't do jack shit or even take steps towards holding you back or making matters worse. Been a good portion of my life with that theme. Known a lot of people around my age who have been held back. But, I guess we're all just fucking losers who don't deserve anything, not without giving up everything we have, and even then..good luck. Eat dirt. Scrape by. Don't live. Just survive and writhe in it, maggot.