#as of now im going on the idea that out of some sort of religious reverence since the humans of the 2000s created them the cats just

[failsquirrel]

the eternal question of if the fictional universe that is heavily analogous to the real world should have actual media from the real world or similarly named thinly veiled references

[filurig]

CONSIDERABLE LINDWURM REVAMP ... id always intended for them to be like some extant member of a very early ophidian family but they just looked like grass snake but feathers and four limbs for some reason. So now we have been made more silly. more info i couldnt fit into the sheet...

the mentioned integrated lindwurms in troll and tomte societies have now existed in them for a while - and the ones that have a longer history, actually have a slight genetic difference over solitary lindwurms, which affects them in that they have more gregarious tendencies. troll/tomte integrated lindwurms often have very different cultures than independent lindwurms, however, even they also have a more "casual" attitude towards their young, often having them be cared for by troll "serpenthandlers"

culture is sort of carried over in independent lindwurm populations through occasional interaction and the "bachelor groups". bachelor groups are actually often led by an "elder", or an elder couple of lindwurms who no longer breed. interactions are often still sparse, but elder lindwurms tend to be more open to interaction and often provide guidance and experience to them when prompted.

their spiritual beliefs often base themselves on the idea of the "mother serpent", whose eyes are always watching - the sun and the moon. it is believed that she flies across the sky during the cycle, slowly "spinning", with each full revolution being a whole day/night cycle. the sun and moon are the right/left eyes. so basically whether its day or night depends on which side of her body is facing the earth. im kind of generalising their religion here because while there are local variations this is the "base" they usually build on. tomte/troll acclimated lindwurm cultures usually integrate some of their religious figures as well, but the Mother Serpent remains the highest deity for them even then. the journey of the mother serpent also informs many lindwurms' view of raising young. kind of still figuring this out lol but essentially they believe that any personal "guiding" influence on a growing young lindwurm is going to make them veer off the "proper" path and mess up their development, most likely resulting in the young lindwurms never "evolving" from their more basal, serpentine state. again, the young lindwurms look a lot more like true snakes, scales and all (i did doodle this but it looks sketchbook crap so might doodle it some other time properly and make it its own post lol). this is why while troll/tomte acclimated lindwurms don't care about "raising" their young, they also are very particular in how trolls/tomtar raise them for them - in that they want no personal intervention and socialisation, basically just let them be little noodles in some enclosure. they do think its important for their young to encounter dangers and also take down live prey, so those are also requirements. like setting off a fox in their enclosures and only feeding live prey that the baby gets to hunt. if the baby gets hurt then that is what the forces that led the Mother Serpent to evolve wills (or somethang)

courtship among lindwurms often involve funny displays from the males with their eyes and moving their head around to show off their crest - not 100% sure how they go about it but it def looks silley as hale!!

while they dgaf about the babies generally, they are fiercely protective of their eggs.

very large as adults (basically as "tall" as an average human when "standing" like the gray one in the picture) but start out very, very small, about as big as a grass snake.

high mortality rate when young, they have relatively large clutches because of it. when the eggs hatch the couple just kinda fricks off a bit waiting for the young to leave

[gumbootillustrations]

i can fix him your honour *smacks him with the oc-ification hammer*

anyway. enjoy the babygirl-ification of aaron lycan. more stuff below the cut.

i love the idea of aaron. like, some guy whos hellbent on revenge learning to live and love outside of it?? and he finds not only love but a new home in someone else searching for the same thing after they've both lost so much??? UGH ITS SO GOOD. and then jesson fucking. fumbled it. SO BAD. im still mad abt it almost like. ten yrs later (how tf is diaries this old i swear it was still airing like last yr). so uh. ive tried to go in n fix him. i swear. but in the process a Lot of his backstory n stuff has been overhauled and im sorry to all the canon aaron truthers but the way that jesson handled his arc n stuff was God Awful and i hate it. so uh. yeah.

aaron shows up in ashes, ashes way earlier than he does in canon diaries - hes following the high priest's trail, and when he catches wind of him travelling to phoenix drop to officiate a wedding and track down his supposedly dead brother, he follows the rumours and shows up right after alexis is cursed. he forms a sort of truce with aph (although garroth is hesitant to trust him, given that he wants to murder his younger brother n garroth still believes that zane can be saved) and fucks off again until they meet up again when aph n co are snooping around pikoro trying to find lord luke so that she can sign a trade deal with him - aaron's (rightfully) convinced that zane has something to do with luke's disappearance, and once all that tomfoolery is settled, he decides to return to phoenix drop with aphmau, believing that the impending war will offer the best opportunity for him to finally kill zane.

as we all know, though, this... really doesn't go to plan. they get trapped in irene's cathedral - which is more of a labyrinth with religious imagery plastered everywhere - and it isn't aaron who lands the killing blow on his mortal enemy, but rather garroth, who gets possessed by esmund's relic. then, when they manage to escape thanks to zoey, ten years have passed and the cathedra of irene (the religious organisation that zane was in charge of as high priest) has all but collapsed. up until this point, all aaron has really been living for is destroying the cathedra, and with his job already done for him by the passage of time, he's now sort of... lost, is the best way i can really describe it. he decides to stick around in phoenix drop - although he doesn't really want to admit it, the people are nice, he's become friends with garroth and katelyn, and it's a safe place for him to stay while he figures out his next moves. it also doesn't help that aph keeps roping him into her adventures (although he secretly enjoys having something to do).

it's through these new connections that he learns to start opening up about his past; how he was raised as the heir to the lordship of a hunting town up north named falconclaw, how the cathedra ordered its destruction and the murder of all its people due to them allegedly being descended from shad, the destroyer, how he came back from a hunting trip to find all his family and friends dead, how the grief manifested in a long-dormant magick that causes anything he lays eyes on to disintegrate, only to be controlled by an enchanted blindfold given to him by a passing elf who took pity on him. over time, he learns to control his magick, leading to him starting to leave his blindfold off - a sort of symbol of his willingness to trust in others, and to trust himself around others. most of this is me wanting his fuckass bandanna to have some sort of meaning behind it outside of "uwu edgy man with edgy outfit" but uh yeah. idk.

anyway, after a while he decides to stick around permanently right before the gang heads to gal'ruk to track down carin valkrum, an ex-juror who went missing decades prior, who katelyn is convinced knows of the whereabouts of the keeper's relic.

which means an outfit change. i tried to make his second winter outfit noticeably lighter than his first one, but still incorporating his trademark reds and browns. there isn't too much else to say abt this outfit? i dont think?? like there isnt a ton of lore stuff tied up in it except "oh hes going to a cold place lol". uhh i guess i could mention that he has a fucked up knee from a hunting accident when he was younger, hence the wrapped up knee?? idk. also he has a lil brooch w a falcon claw on it as a sort of homage to falconclaw. and his fucked up eyes r a reference to his eyes being fucked up in mys. yeah. idk.

uhh casual outfit. i like to think that he asked laurance for help w finding something to wear that wasnt super casual for more formal events (like the monthly potluck dinners that phoenix drop holds for everyone to celebrate the new moon) bc garroth is fucking useless when it comes to clothes n katelyn isnt that much better so laurance, having grown up in meteli surrounded by pirates, threw a billowy white button down at him n told him to go ham. i think laurance also lowkey influences aaron to get the falcon tattoo at some point - i dont think he loses the brooch, but since its so obviously a reference to his birthplace in ru'aun and could potentially get him and the rest of the gang hurt or even killed once they decide to travel to tu'la, he decides to get the kārearea tattooed over his heart as an homage to his family. anyway, it's in tu'la where he learns that he isn't the only survivor of falconclaw as he had previously thought: the werewolf pack that he'd grown up alongside (blaze, dottie, maria, rylan, and daniel) are still alive and well, as is melissa, although she's been cursed w what will later become known as the "ultima" curse due to her striking a deal with the demon warlock in an attempt to restore falconclaw. anyway, it's pretty emotional, esp since both sides have long thought the other to be suuuper dead. the scars on aaron's forearm are from when he n blaze got into a tussle as kids.

and finally, his destroyer form! after katelyn finally kills ivy n recovers shad's relic, there's a lot of debate as to what to do with it; some folks think its best to find it a host, others want to try and destroy it, and others want to simply lock it away in a pocket dimensino or something to keep it safe. eventually, aaron decides that, in order to protect the family he's created and the family he's rediscovered, it's probably best for him to take on the mantle of the destroyer of the second war of the magi, especially once it's revealed that the aaron of the first war (shad) cleaved his soul in two once he began to get corrupted by the influence of the void - the half that was corrupted would become the shadow lord, whereas the uncorrupted half would go onto reincarnate like the other souls of the divine warriors (excluding irene). i'm still fiddling around w how the second war of the magi ends, but my thinking as of right now is that the first war ended with irene burning away her first physical form to seal the shadow lord in the nether, the second war (mcd) ending w the restoration n reunification of shads soul n the divine warriors sealing away most magicks as a temporary stopgap against the spread of the void, and the third war (mys) being the war in which the void is finally defeated.

and finally some headshots. i personally headcanon aaron as being autistic as fuck n being the kind of autistic where he isn't super expressive (sorta like garroth), although a little less stern. speaking of, i really wanted him n garroth to be sort of foils for each other: namely, where aaron was raised to only ever see lordship as a privilege, garroth was raised in an environment that led him to believe that lordship was only ever a burden. anyway, they're best mates n i will die on this hill. yeah i know that in the first war esmund n shad didnt like each other that much (as an understatement) but something something healing the wrongs of the past with each reincarnation cycle something something they're best friends now and you can't stop me. also he and aph do end up together but it takes sooo fucking long, like those two are the most awkward motherfuckers this side of ru'aun and it takes longer for them to confess than it does for garroth and laurance to confess and thats Saying Something. like. c'mon. it was stupidly out of character for this wet noodle of a man to hook up w aph in the middle of s2. tell me that u don't know how to write ur characters without telling me that u don't know how to write ur characters n all that jazz.

anyway. gumboot rambles once again. its 2am at the time of posting this n i need to go sleep so uh. yeah. dante or travis is up next mostly bc aph has like thirteen outfit changes before s3 n im dreading drawing them all so yeah.

feel free to ask any questions or anything!! :D

[milksuu]

ur aphelios fic w solari priestess reader was soooo good, i can't stop going back to reread it bc i'm eager for pt 2 if you do end up writing one 😭😭 but there's so much potential for this man bc hello ?? enemies to lovers(?uh) ?? i really like the idea that they're on opposite sides bc as a lover of solari n lunari lore, it feels much more taboo. especially considering how scornful the solari people are of the lunari people which is clear in how the reader treats him 😕 a bit unjustified but it's nice that we aren't exactly a blank sheet of paper in this bc ofc we'd still have to abide by our morals and views 🩵🩵 i also wonder what alune thinks of this if she ever found out, would she even in the first place LMAO "i fear your brother nonconned me 😓😨🧟‍♂️" HDHDHDHS whenever there's an aphelios fic alune always pops into my mind afterwards since she's so dear to me, would the reader ever interact w her through aphelios? bisexuals really winning w this champ 😔

LKJSDVGBFLJHSDFVLSH!! omfg thank you for thinking so much about it. im cryiinnngggg!!! and yeah, im totally writing a part two. I'm at 1.8k words right now. sorry I bounce around a lot so i take a while to write lol.

BUT UGH YES. i definitely wanted to do an enemies/lovers kind of feel. (although i think in phels perspective reader's more 'lover' by his terms because well he's pretty unhinged in his perspective. what can we expect from a guy born and raised as a religious assassin who only ever interacts to his sister?? yeah his 'social' skills aren't going to be the best lmfao)

and like you stated anon, them being lunari/solari just adds the extra layers of drama, depth, and juicy plot potential. all in all, quite a banger.

as far as alune goess, I'd say she 100% knew. only because, alune is a Seer that shows aphelios' path, and directs him on missions. basically the moon told alune "yeah this is going to happen" then alune was like "heyyy soo....you're going to have to do this bro" and then ofc phel was somewhat conflicted the whole time but hey FAITH is never questioning and doing what you're told cause it's supposedly 'right'. and he definitely wants the believe it was all for a 'good' reason. Like him and reader are destined lovers since otherwise, why would the moon have him do that instead of just kill her? kinda like getting a gift for always being obedient to his faith (the copium is strong with this one). but yeah, phel made sure the toxin wore off so that his poor sister didn't have to endure that. (but assassinating people is totally fine obvs!)

alune and reader would have some sort of relationship a bit later. reader is technically a priestess, even though a solari one, she'd still be able to have some way to connect to the spirit realm. or reader can feel the ethereal vibrations emanating from him, but not fully understand/hone in alune's presence. but i think slowly over time, readers growing connection with aphelios will have her gradually connected with alune at some point.

and I want to say the moon goddess has a plan as to why that had to be done to reader. not sure how far i'll actually get to reveal it or develop it, since honestly, i had no intention of continuing let alone build any lore (THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE SMUT DAMNIT HAHA) but we'll see.

whew, kinda went on a tangent, but i hope i've given you some good context anon! again, thank you for rereading my fixations and wanting more. as you can see, you've set off my dopamine receptors with this post lmfao. <3

stay tuned for part 2. ;3

[skylinesnsunshines]

treasure reading: haruto ideal type + as a boyfriend

hi everyone <3 long time no chat, im actually back and happy new year! :'). i apologise for not being consistent and absent this last year, my life has made a 360 and i had a lot going on which caused me to stop focusing on tarot. however, i've been slowly getting into it and i feel like i now have a better grasp on my life so i am now doing readings again. i'll be pickier on who i do readings for but still feel free to send your requests. hope you enjoy! <3

DISCLAIMER: this is all speculative and for entertainment purposes only, so take it with a grain of salt :)

decks used: ethereal visions tarot, archetype cards by caroline myss, heavenly bodies astrology, the wild unknown animal by kim krans

(italicised is the card on the bottom of the tarot deck which is meant to represent the subconscious/blind spot of the situation + rx means reversed)

IDEAL TYPE

6 of swords, queen of wands, 6 of cups rx, ace of swords rx | phoenix | house nine: spiritual growth | servant

honestly, interpreting these cards made me laugh so hard because I feel like I don't even need to go fully in-depth for you all to know what his ideal type is like. 6 of swords tells me that haruto looks for someone who doesn't necessarily show interest in him initially. as an aries, i can envision him really loving the chase and that even in a relationship, he still feels like he continuously chase his partner. the archetype that i feel he falls for is the attractive, independent, go-getter that doesn't settle for less. queen of wands describes someone who is physically attractive and is fiery, someone who isn't afraid to stand out or express their opinions. i think haruto wants someone who is as if not more outspoken than he is. 6 of cups rx tells me that he wants someone more mature than him, wether that would be in age or in mindset. subconsciously, i feel haruto likes someone a bit random, or scattered mentally. i think he finds it endearing that his person has many ideas and wants to explore it with him.

the phoenix tells me that haruto wants someone who can always reinvent themselves after hardships and can turn the negatives into positives. house nine is known as Sagittarius, a fire sign that trines haruto's Aries sun. haruto could look for someone who he has a spiritual connection with, or someone who is well-travelled and is constantly on the pursuit of knowledge. i think haruto could possibly want someone religious, as the servant details someone who lives to serve others which could also include a higher being. with the Sagittarius + servant card, haruto could want someone who shares the same faith or belief systems as him. i feel like this card also indicates a person who serves others, but is happy with not taking the spotlight as they are doing it out of the goodness of their own heart not for recognition.

AS A BOYFRIEND

king of cups, king of swords, the world, temperance rx | cobra | capricorn: ambition, realism and methodical steps | artist

i can definitely see that haruto will take on the provider role with the two king cards coming out. i feel that haruto is very much into traditional relationship roles. king of cups + swords tells me that haruto acts as an emotional rock and focuses on communication with his s/o. in a relationship, haruto seems to be mature and understands the importance of emotional fulfilment as well as being able to communicate and discuss many different topics. he could also be someone who starts random conversations or debates cause he loves hearing and exchanging ideas with his significant other. the world card is interesting to see, because i feel like this represents haruto as a well-balanced boyfriend, could even indicate some sort of husband material as this card is the end of the major arcana. the temperance card in reverse does tell me that haruto has a tendency to have an all or nothing mindset. so once he loves his person, it's gonna be very hard for him to move on, and that applies for so many other things as well such as jealousy, giving gifts, spending time, etc.

the cobra represents a teacher or a spiritual guardian, so again as i reiterated i feel haruto wants someone who he has a spiritual connection with. haruto could be said as someone who is ever-present and ever-loving, just like the cobra. the Capricorn reminds me again of the traditional gender roles, but it also tells me that haruto values tradition and that when he is with a partner, he loves focusing on building tangible things that helps him and his partner grow in the relationship. haruto could be a grounding figure for his partner, as he also loves to continuously work towards something when in the relationship. the artist tells me that haruto aims to express a dimension of life that is just beyond the five senses, and that he loves to inspire his partner to see life symbolically. haruto could also be the type to use music to express his feelings, so I feel like this boy would use music and lyrics to detail how he really feels towards his person.

[deathcrawling]

Hey Wil!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on Gloom Division lore as a whole! Especially with the recent image release. First, I wanted to discuss the instructional shirt as I haven't seen people talk about it much!

You might have already noticed this, but in the top right corner are the 6 levels.

I remember the first time I saw this and I was instantly reminded of the ending image in the Do It All The Time music video. I have many speculations and theories regarding the implications but nothing concrete. Perhaps each level is also a different plane of existence/dimension with time being one of them, but I'll get into that and other theories another time.

Back to what I am confident in. I don't think it would be farfetched for them to correspond to the sins. As you know, Dallon described in an interview that he would eventually become one of the sins. And notably at the Salt Lake City listening party they gave out hotel keychains with a 7 on them. As well as a notepad that says Memo From the Desk of Gloom Division. Implying he, at the very least, travels between each level. Extrapolating from the album cover and this information, perhaps he gets to the top level and becomes the sin, Pride. In Idiots of Oz the song starts with elevator music. This could purely be a musical/aesthetic choice but perhaps this is also a nod to Dallon going between the levels and finally reaching his.

hello! i have some theories about GLOOM DIV lore right now! some of which have been confirmed by dallon during VIP during gloomtown tour, others are solely based on myself and @temporalarts research! also WARNING! this will be a bit all over the place, i apologize for the messiness of this post.

FACT:

lets start off with what is fact, dallon has confirmed that 1. himself and the figures in the albums physical copies gatefold represent the 7 deadly sins, and 2. he represents PRIDE out of the seven sins (he mentioned this during VIP Madison, WI), and the lady with the sunglasses in the gatefold represents LUST (mentioned during VIP STL, MO). he has not said which sin is who for the remaining 5. he also confirmed that there was supposed to be deeper lore this album, but wanted to focus on music rather than lore due to how stressful it was with RAZZMATAZZ era lore (confirmed VIP Madison, WI).

THEORY/SPECULATION:

in terms of theories, my current theories on the album mainly surround TELLEXX and PRIDE out of the seven sins and who he is, what he does, and how he (and the other sins) came to be. a lot of these ideas i have come from religious context, as the 7 sins are apart of loads of religions, im mainly pulling from the christian bible as well as some mormonism.

because i feel that TELLEXX is important to this albums lore, lets start off with my theories on TELLEXX. TELLEXX acts very much like a cult, going after people lonely and desperate for fame or a rise in social status, and manipulating them, isolating them from the real world. as far as we know that dallon hasnt been the only subject, it has been confirmed in the TELLEXX letters, how many other subjects there has been? im not sure. nonetheless, TELLEXX is inherently evil but puts on a good face for the sake of having a good reputation, and i believe that TELLEXX is basically the devil pretending to be God/a God-like figure. i think TELLEXX wanting to be a god/higher than god can both be figuratively and literally, TELLEXX obviously has bigger plans that we aren't aware of at the moment, but it does look like it involves taking advantage of people and transforming them to fit their vision. they take in people who are often desperate for something, whether its fame or some sort rise in social status (aka social climbers), its what they do. and like ive mentioned previously, its what we see in real life cults, the leader of the cult sees themself as god or as a god, they claim to know more than the average person and they manipulate and isolate people so they can control them. so TELLEXX having their subjects, who we can assume were also looking for fame/social acceptance based on dallon, sign a contract that isolates them from the real world and promising that they can do these things for them makes a lot of sense.

in a figurative sense, TELLEXX at its core is evil, they have ill intentions but put on a good face so they wont get exposed/in trouble.

in a literal sense, TELLEXX has ties to the devil/is the devil but pretends to be God or a god, because they are desperate to have that power.

in terms of the 7 deadly sins, i have very little factual info to go off of so these ideas are very loose and don't make the absolute most sense, but i have a lot to say. dallon represents PRIDE, and i believe that he died from some sort of volunteer research study accident and became the sin PRIDE in the afterlife (assuming that TELLEXX somehow represents the devil, he made a deal with the devil). PRIDE, historically and religiously is considered the "highest" and "most powerful" of the sins. PRIDE is the leader of the sins.

i think that this explains WHY we see dallon literally higher up than the rest of the sins, because he is their leader, he is the most powerful.

(when looking at the album cover and gatefold, it looks like the other 6 sins are looking UP towards dallon)

for the other sins, how they came to be is a mystery to me. i can imagine that they were previous TELLEXX subjects who died in some sort of way, and were in some sort of limbo before dallons death. PRIDE was supposedly the first sin to come into existence, which doesnt really make sense in terms of GLOOM DIV lore, so i believe that dallons death and him being PRIDE was a manifestation of the other sins coming into existence. i believe that they existed before dallon, but not physically. whether TELLEXX was purposefully keeping them a secret OR they were not aware of them, i couldnt really tell you. it seems likely that the sins DO work for TELLEXX, either being their eyes (like the white shadows) or being guard dogs/spokespeople for them.

i like the idea of the instruction shirt having to do with the sins in some way, its probable, i personally think that the levels have to do with ones status/knowledge surrounding TELLEXX. being a subject can be considered surface level knowledge of TELLEXX and what they do while being a sin and protecting the company means you're deep into the company knowing exactly whats happening.

EDIT: note about the dripping hands/feet! black hands/feet is often associated with making a deal with the devil in religion (christian/catholic beliefs mainly!), so my main theory on the hands/feet being black has to do with dallons death and him becoming PRIDE due to him making a deal w/ the devil.

[littleguypumpkinsheep]

for the ask game, are you willing to answer 🍓 and 🍒 for your main queerfolk characters...? or its that too many? im curious about them!!

Yes of course!!! Thank you for being curious about them!!

Beliefs?

Adrien: Not really. He’s just never been a particularly religious man in any way and doesn’t give the concept much thought. Whether or not some higher being exists just quite simply doesn’t matter to him. He’s too busy being alive to care about something that’s otherwise never affected him.

Sheep: If they’re going to “believe” in anything, they believe in the universe. In nature. There isn’t a god to them, just the capacity for life. The humble and respectful knowledge that they're only alive because things happened to line up so perfectly during the creation of Everything in space.

Ramsie: No. In fact he’d go so far as to say he detests the idea of any sort of religion. He’s been hurt by it far too many times, seen other people get hurt by it far too many times. If people want something to believe in, he thinks they should believe in the world. Do something about it now, instead of waiting on a prayer.

Mandy: No. His mindset about it is similar to Adrien’s and Sheep’s, a sort of mixture of both. He marvels sometimes about life and the impossible circumstances, but then moves on. This is the only chance he’s got at this, and there’s only one earth, so he’s going to enjoy it fully and presently without thinking about it too much. It doesn’t benefit him much to philosophize about it, or about anything at all, really.

Lionel: No. And if he did, he’d think whatever god it was is doing a terrible job at it. He’d probably get kicked out of the church for blasphemy, saying that he could easily do a better job at all of this and that he’ll just make his own religion. He doesn’t take anything seriously, including life. It’s just one moment after another to him. A day by day sort of thing. Whatever happens, he knows it’ll pass eventually.

2. Best Friends?

Adrien: Definitely! He’s close friends with everyone in town, but he’s especially close with Lionel. Their attitudes are similar, and they get up to idiotic escapades together often. They also swap gossip frequently, although Adrien mostly just likes listening to the stories Lionel has to tell.

Sheep: They like all of their friends equally. They’re close with everyone in their own unique way, adjusting themselves depending on who’s wanting their attention and why. Everyone’s his favorite at all times.

Ramsie: He’s friendly with everyone, mainly, but definitely prefers the company of Mandy and Sheep. He knows he’s a bit of a troubled person, and they’re the ones who understand and care for him the most. His relationship with Adrien is tense. There’s just something about that man that gets on his nerves, and they bicker a lot. They do care for each other, though, in the end.

Mandy: He sees everyone as family, and treats them just the same. But he and Sheep have a tradition of sorts, staying up late to talk in private with each other. Intimate conversations, vulnerable ones, ones he’s only really had with Ramsie. It’s a natural inclination, rather than it having anything to do with “favorites”.

Lionel: Yes! Like Adrien he likes and is close with everyone, but the former is his best friend. They’re an annoying and loud tag team inexplicably bonded at the hip.

[2demon2slayer]

how do their backstories change? like mitsuri literally got rejected for marriage but im gonna assume shes not at marrying age yet- she has a happy family and all, how would that change? or like mui and yui how would they have survived? or like himejima, his religious orphanage got slaughtered. or...how did kanao get out of her situation?

know where some dont change- gonna assume giyuu's sister got slaughtered still, or that sanemi and genya had that whole thing involving their mom. shinobu and kanae got rescued by kanao and aoi i think you said, shinjuro saved iguro from the entire demonic cult, and uzui i bet just left the ninja squad earlier than canon.

okay so i've been waffling on how to answer this for a while now, because originally i was just going to give you every idea i had on character backstories, but now i've started plotting out Actual Fics for some of these? so you're not getting all of the details, but i'll let you have some stuff.

this isn't every character, and it's not even every hashira or everyone in the friend group because i haven't fully plotted out everyone's history yet, so :/ also some characters will have a single line of backstory and others will have whole ass essays. i have thought more about some characters than others and i will not feel shame for having favorites within my own au

without further ado, though, here's some

CHARACTER BACKGROUNDS

uh, general spoiler warning for anime-onlys, although my blog is kind of a walking spoiler warning, so apologies on that front. also spoilers for like . my own au? this is kind of a huge deep dive into the background so.. idk man, this is a lot. i kind of went crazy with this

--

THE KAMADO SIBLINGS

so, obviously, their story starts out the same-ish: with the entire kamado family dying, nezuko being turned into a demon, the two of them being saved by the water hashira and told to train under urokodaki sakonji. just, the water hashira who helps them is makomo instead of giyuu

i haven't actually decided on what happens with tanjirou's final selection, because what happens there heavily informs what happens during giyuu and sabito's final selection. the big question is "does tanjirou kill the hand demon?" if he doesn't, then he at least puts up a good fight before fleeing.

tanjirou goes on a couple missions, meets yushirou and tamayo, receives his task to get blood from the twelve kidzuki, and goes off to try doing that!

at some point he encounters yoriichi (possibly from directions given to him from our favorite demon doctor?) and yoriichi starts teaching him Actual sun breathing

also at some point, tanjirou meets and befriends the rest of the future hashira. i don't really know what the kamaboko squad's adventures look like without the crazy of canon

according to my timeline i have (which is admittedly subject to change), tanjirou becomes a hashira about a year after becoming a demon slayer at the age of 16 after he kills the former lower moon one

several years later, nezuko conquers the sun! and tanjirou, no longer confident in his ability to protect her from muzan and just generally worried about her getting hurt on his continuously more difficult missions, sends her off to go follow yoriichi around

nezuko's still kind of out of it at this point so she doesn't really fight this decision like she might've if she were more aware. she goes with yoriichi and the kamado siblings will spend the next, eh, three-ish years not seeing each other

nezuko eventually does properly regain consciousness and starts sending letters to tanjirou, but eventually stops once she sort of processes the fact that her brother basically pawned her off on some guy. she's ignoring him out of spite now and they haven't talked in literal years

tanjirou meanwhile takes no time at all in cementing himself as The Strongest Hashira, hands down. the others look to him as the pillar of the hashira (heh) and he's basically in charge of them. he handles this leadership role pretty well at first, but as the years go by it really starts wearing him down. he's very tired but he has so much he has to do

and then tanjirou finds two boys at the bottom of mount fujikasane and things start looking up again

THE RENGOKU FAMILY

instead of ruka getting ill and dying, shinjurou gets sick and dies!

shinjurou probably would've made it through his sickness, but he decided to literally work himself to death and performed his hashira duties while ill, which eventually resulted in his untimely death

after his death, ruka ends up picking up the blade and becoming the flame hashira so the seat doesn't remain vacant. she spends her time not slaying demons training senjurou and kyoujurou

senjurou, as the eldest son, feels a lot more pressure to become a slayer and works his little butt off. it takes a lot of hard work, but he eventually succeeds his mama as flame hashira. according to my timeline, he becomes a slayer at 12 and a hashira at 17

after senjurou's promotion, ruka retires and devotes all her time to training kyoujurou. senjurou helps whenever he can! it takes no time at all for kyoujurou to surpass both of them in skill

at some point, kyoujurou also starts training mitsuri on the side before she just starts joining him when he trains with his mom and brother

the two of them go to final selection together and also at the same time as giyuu and sabito!

THUNDER BREATHERS

so zenitsu spends a good year and a half training with kuwajima before he takes final selection and becomes a slayer at 16. he makes friends with the other future hashira and gets dragged into fighting some pretty high level demons against his will

zenitsu becomes a hashira at around the same time as tanjirou, when he's 17 ish. he's not really about it, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

meanwhile, kaigaku . used to live with gyoumei before he did a really stupid thing and got a bunch of kids killed. and he ran away and ended up getting taken in by kuwajima when he was, oh, 12 ish??

zenitsu ended up visiting and basically imprinting on this kid, doing everything in his power to help kaigaku become the best thunder breather there ever was! he's not the best teacher, but he manages to get kaigaku to be able to use total concentration constant by the time he goes off to his final selection

tengen also shows up at some point and tries (and fails) to become zenitsu's tsuguko. the position is taken, though, even if kaigaku's not actually even a demon slayer yet

kaigaku participates in final selection the same year as giyuu and sabito (and company) and when he passes he gets instated as zenitsu's official tsuguko

KANAO & AOI

aoi is actually the one to get kanao out of her situation! and the two of them run away to become demon slayers together!

aoi has her final selection several years before kanao (and company), with the tokitou twins

she becomes a demon slayer and quickly realizes that she kind of fucking hates it, but unlike in canon, she has no fallback plan so she just has to commit to the life of a demon slayer

kanao eventually becomes a slayer too (although aoi told her she really didn't have to if she didn't want to) and the two start working together on missions!

uhh shenanigans happen, i have no idea what stuff occurs in the several years where the kamaboko squad is kicking

kanao becomes a hashira first out of the two of them, at the same time as tanjirou when she's 17

aoi becomes a hashira maybe a year or two later

the two of them set up the butterfly estate, help out sumi, naho, and kiyo, and then later also suma, makio, and hinatsuru

also around the same time they save the kochou sisters from a demon and basically adopt them

INOSUKE.

inosuke is inosuke is inosuke. not a whole lot changes with him other than him getting older

my only real note on inosuke is that at some point he finds out about his mom's history with douma. i do not know how.

THE TOKITOU TWINS

when muichirou posits the idea of becoming demon slayers, yuuichirou doesn't tell him no

the two take a month to learn mist breathing and then another month to kill a lower moon. both of them are offered the position of hashira, but mui turns it down so yuui gets the position

this does mean that yuuichirou has been hashira for the longest out of the current roster. eight whole years as a hashira, from when he was 12 to when he's 20

(edit: lol i forgot about makomo. i always forget about makomo.... yuui's been a hashira the second longest after makomo who's been a hashira for 11 years!)

muichirou is basically an honorary hashira, but doesn't want the rank

THE SHINAZUGAWA BROTHERS

when genya's 15 and sanemi's 8 (yeowch, finally writing down their ages for that makes it kinda hurt worse), sanemi kills their demon mom and genya takes it poorly, calling sanemi a murderer in a fit of anger. sanemi runs away and genya has no idea where he ends up

on the genya side of things, he spends a good year doing nothing but looking for his little brother before he kinda gets recruited by the demon slayer corps who offer to help him look for his brother

genya becomes a slayer and becomes a hashira around the same time as tanjirou (and company) and he sort of. gives up on looking for his brother because he's pretty sure that sanemi's better off without someone like genya chasing after him

on the sanemi side of things, he runs away after his tragic backstory moment and just kills random demons until he's found and taken in by masachika. he finds out his brother's a hashira and comes up with a really convoluted plan to apologize to genya about killing their mom after sanemi becomes a hashira

he learns wind breathing and takes final selection at the same time as giyuu, sabito, and co.

and then sanemi finds out that in the week he was off participating in final selection, masachika got killed by a lower moon

so he's in a ... rough headspace at the start of the story. which is at least partially why he's . like that

THE KOCHOU SISTERS

shinobu and kanae lose their family to demons when they're 12 and 13 respectively. they're taken in by kanao and aoi and move into the butterfly estate! they also start training under both of them

(this isn't really a background thing, but in case i never do anything with it, i have an idea of a line between kanao and kanae when they first meet where kanao asks for kanae's name and then goes "oh, that's kind of funny. because my name's kanao. they're pretty similar, aren't they?" and it helps calm kanae down a little)

kanae takes final selection when she's 14 and becomes kanao's tsuguko

shinobu is discouraged from taking final selection because she really doesn't need to and also she's kind of scrawny so it might be too tough for her, but she goes anyways a year after kanae and in the same year as giyuu, sabito, and co

UROKODAKI'S (OTHER) STUDENTS

makomo passes final selection when she's 12, narrowly avoiding getting killed by the hand demon, and then she becomes a hashira two years later when she's 14

makomo is 17 when she comes across tanjirou and nezuko and sends the both of them to urokodaki

sabito is taken in by urokodaki maybe a year or so after tanjirou passes final selection. sabito is 9 ish

tomioka tsutako dies(?) when giyuu is 13 and after running away from the people he was sent to live with, he comes into urokodaki's care

giyuu and sabito go off to final selection when they're both 15 and it doesn't go… great.

and that's all you get!!!! maybe i'll write more backstory stuff someday but this post is already kinda fuckin long as hell

[pilotduty]

PILOT TALK TO ME ABOUT ZOMBIE SOULSUCKER PLS

HI LOVE OF MY LIFE i knew i could rely on u to be as Insane about this as me. putting it below the keep reading line because im about to unload the Directors Cut on you xo

SO a lot of people see soulsucker and starfucker to have a sort of angel/demon dynamic going on, and ive been eating that up because i looove the religious trauma angle this album is taking but then i was like What If st*r didn't align with typical religious imagery because... tbh that trope can get kind of bland.

him being brought back from the dead as a reference to clinging to the safety of the past and hesitance to accept/pursue change.. him being a character who is like the embodiment of everything awsten used to be and the parts of himself that havent changed even though the environment around him and the sound of his music have. st*r being dead makes him feel like he cant change no matter how badly he might want to. if he does something wrong, something that breaks the rules, he could literally physically fall apart. he doesnt know what's keeping him alive but he has to assume its some kind of godly power, because thats all he has as a frame of reference for life and death. but he's a creature that not even god can touch now. whether or not he realizes what that means for him, he knows that he can't go back to how he was, if he even knows what that would look like. he at the very least has the safety of already being dead- "if i'm already dead i can't be killed".

the important thing is that st*r is dead. or he should be. awsten can't figure out how to keep him dead, or re-kill him, or hide him away. no matter how badly he wants st*r gone, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

ok anyway heres design aspects that are Important To Me-

i gave him his scene-era haircut intentionally, i think it ads to his character representing his past self

upside down cross necklace because I Felt Like It

st*r's canon excessive layering is mostly to hide that he's dead and decaying

under his shirt his heart is exposed. im going to draw that next i think. theres a constant open wound over his heart- you can literally see directly into his heart :3

the places where his arms and fingers move a lot are the most prone to splitting- thats just a logistical design thing that i thought was cool it doesnt really Mean anything LOL

halo hair design. because of those rumors that he dyed his hair in a halo. unholy creature with holy traits etc etc

gave him that extremely hot and bad for me running/smudged eyeliner that has the little flecks of star glitter in them because It Looks Cool and theres Something there about having tiny stars under his eyes despite stars Not Being His Theme-Relevant Shape

the idea of him supergluing the edges of his gloves to his fingers to keep them from falling off while he performs popped into my head while i was drawing him and i thought you specifically would dig that concept. so.

soulsucker and st*r represent different ways awsten presents himself (i think- i kind of Dont Care about the lore that much ((i care So Much that was a lie)) and dont read other people's interpretations on it, but thats mine) so i think the idea of st*r trying desperately to hold himself together and fit the expectations/aesthetics of his job are kind of devastating from this angle, because he literally physically can't do it. whether its his own reluctance keeping him from doing it or some otherworldly/godly interference is up to interpretation methinks

more on its way i woke up like an hour ago and cant remember everything i wanted to say so sorry if none of this Matters or doesnt make any sense

[oraculate]

whops im a little late sorry but here i (dove, s/h, certified hag) am and more importantly, here's ko lijae, your local fuckin weirdo. surprise surprise though, she's not just a pill popping drunk, she's also impulsive to a fault, an adrenaline junkie with a death wish, and an obsessive nightmare. she's giving oracle at delphi, or she would be if you romanticized it, but it's kind of hard to romanticize someone who very clearly does not have their life even close to together and is letting that show in a way that distinctly bucks social norms. but hey, who has time for social norms when you're touched by the gods, amirite? i'm more than thrilled to be here, haven't written in a hot minute so be gentle, but her pages are here: profile / bio / connections and there's a little bit more under the cut, msg for discord!

i'm not sure what to put that isn't already on the pages so here's a little mindless rambling for you in case something resonates.

ko lijae has premonitions, visions, etc.

her family is historically shamanic and has been for centuries, passed down from woman to woman as is oft the case.

now, granted, they're lowkey scammers so at least in very recent memory "real" visions and so forth are not a thing.

not to mention traditionally in muism shamans are more focused on connection to the spirit world/those who have passed so she's not exactly on brand religiously....

so needless to say the thought process in the ko household was 'yikes'.

and if it had been truly just an expression of mental health concerns she'd have been fucked because if there's one thing the ko family does not believe in its talk therapy or mood stabilizers etc.

as a kid she found a certain idea of solace in the idea that she was probably just experiencing sinbyeong or 'shamanic sickness' (recognized as a culture bound syndrome in the DMCA) that many soon-to-be shamans go through before they are fully initiated, often that are accompanied by reported auditory and visual hallucinations.

at this point in her life she's not sure she buys into the shaman thing fully, she's come to acknowledge her grandmother as a fake, but she also grapples with the idea that there's definitely something going on with her and it's certainly not purely based on mental unrest (though she's more than happy to admit there's a deal of that going on at this point) so a part of her at least wants to attribute it to something somewhat explainable, and figures it must have some kind of genetic component that could be related to how her family ended up shamans in the first place.

in the evolutionary game of fight or flight lijae has chosen a resounding: both. she'll fight you and she'll run from herself.

a lot of that running is done via chemicals of whatever type she can get her hands on, resulting in a chain smoking habit and alcoholism.

she has an exceptionally devil may care attitude, sharp tongue (mostly at her own expense) and a deep and feral loyalty to the few people who stick by her.

honestly she gives feral cat energy, like she might gnaw her paw off if she got caught in a trap and god help you if you corner her, but if you hang around patiently enough maybe eventually she'll come around. but she's got fleas and half an ear is missing and there's scars all around her muzzle so is it worth the time? maybe not.

anyway if you've got any sort of ideas about how this weirdo might be able to round out a plot for you either with or without the inclusion of her '''''gifts''''' i'm all ears!

[01zfan]

cracking my knuckles ok thought long and hard about my 01zfan top 5 list (i have so much time on my hands now post grad LOL),, this was so hard to consolidate into just 5

1. understanding my faith: the religious imagery and the sinful subversion of such metaphors nobody’s doing it like you 😭 i remember reading pt 2 for the first time and feeling like my world shifted on its axis good lord

2. your birthday: and where are the eunseok girlz at. i fawking love this one bc eunseok is put in his place lowkey in like an endearing way. big fan of him being a needy ass man subtly written through him wanting to move in together, visiting u at campus, etc. idk what it is but this piece is so magical to me like when he’s almost jawslacked to see yn in lingerie 😭

3. trigger finger: if tf has no fans then i’m dead. “i’m better than that” “he’s captivated by the way you dumbly nod your head”, the overstimulation, and so on and so forth. i think We All™️ love the idea of down bad sungchan flipping a switch out of nowhere!!! the aftercare…i will combust

4. savior: idk how the filming/crew industry works but if you ever had to submit any of your pieces as a résumé of some sorts it would 100% be this one!!! this was truly otherworldly and the imagery intertwined with religion to explore both sexuality and guilt wow wow chefs kiss

5. miss you more: the details in this my god. picking at the bed sheets. the memories. eunseok trying to steal a glance the whole time. “i think i was made for you” PEOPLE DIED BFNSHDHBSJS…. this was every bit heart wrenching as it was optimistic

honorable mentions: bike peg (her crown tipped just a bit right after i finished miss you more but this one still eats),, three’s a crowd (started getting into my fujo bag after challengers), the whole sacrilegious series again just love the themes of temptation and exploration of sexuality in vastly different ways, and how you portray it bc tbh a lot of people just write “lol sex in a church” for the sake of writing like a sexy religious bastardization piece which is fine but this series has so much depth and rich emotions i would fawking love to see each piece as its own separate episode in an anthology like omg?????

OMGGGG I WAS WAITING TO SEE YOUR TOP FIVE. our lists are kinda similar you just get my eunseok fics like this man is a big softie no one understands…also i remember vividly seeing you reblog umf with your tags and i was like yeah maybe this IS really good. ALSO TRIGGER FINGER BRAHHHHH sometimes i go back and reread that one just for funsies. thank you for supporting the sacrilegious series so much im glad you enjoyed it as much as i liked writing it😭 i really appreciate you🫂🫂🫂❤️ my fujo sister🫂🫂

[multifandombullshitbabes]

i love the idea of like. in the au where nigel lives and him n alex run away n shit. and they learn to live together through less than ideal circumstances. how they still dont rly get it, they dont get why they r truly doing all of this.

(this turned out to be way longer than i thought. but oh well. its always the same with good ol me)

like nigel is delusional n believes in smth bigger than him and alex to drive him forwards and give him purpose. he needs to have a destiny and when he finds alex he thinks "oh. oh this is it. i have to show him the truth, this is amazing, alex has to know abt this!". so he only stays with alex in the assumption that that is his destiny and there's nothing else he can do. this is it. he WILL stay with alex.

and alex started by being weirded out, annoyed, but ultimately intrigued by nigel. and then the train thing happened. and then he realized nigel wasn't just some guy who killed animals he just let his friend fucking die in front of him. and he now believes his like intrigue comes from some weird mind connection to nigel, that is bad and that nigel started because nigel is bad and alex is the victim in his mind, so he rejects it as much as he can. he rejects everything nigel tells him n does cuz he cannot face how he can see nigel do all this shit and still be intrigued, interested.

and then nigels parents die. alex kills nigel's dad, and seals his fate in nigel's weird game. he's now an accomplice theres nothing to be done, hes lost. while nigel feels like their path is so fucking clear. its this juxtaposition that rly makes those last scenes between the two so interesting. alex knows he's done for. nigel thinks they've just begun.

so then they run away. because they're in on it together now, alex has no choice but to run away with nigel. nigel just puts this in the "this is meant to be" list for their destiny, their path. and i bet those first months together were fucking ROUGH i mean. running away aside, they were downright volatile with each other. i feel like alex would be explosive and never rly knowing his own mind in the sense that "wtf am i doing with my life" so he takes it out on nigel and blames him for everything. and nigel just takes it because at least theyre together, he just needs to wait 9 months for the maraclea thing and then they can continue with "their" plan.

its fucking chaos, it isnt good, and these boys cannot for the life of them see that they have feelings for each other. thats the kicker.

its another thing that panics alex, that he thinks doesnt make any sense because 1) nigel is a boy (religious trauma lets goooo) and 2) nigel is very fucking unwell. alex feels HORRIBLE, dirty even by his feelings, because of these 2 things and it all makes him hate nigel even more.

and nigel? he doesnt even realize them. he just assumes his need for alex's acceptance, the way it hurts whenever alex screams and glares at him, the way he sort of likes it, but most of all how he cannot get the tiny moments of peace they have out of his mind, that its all just. part of the plan. theyre together, they have a maraclea, everything makes sense. everything else is happening because their destinies r being fulfilled. he never outs 2 and 2 together and says "i have feelings for alex"

and i think theres a BIG, CATASTROPHIC "Oh" moment that really sets them both off, but in opposite directions.

alex in a sort of understanding, a sort of "oh. im not a monster for liking nigel.", a weird kinda of peace of "well we made it this far. theres no point in just pissing in his own cereal. they're here, they're alive, and they're young. so why the fuck not?"

nigel in a total mental breakdown, foundations crumbling, nothing makes sense type of thing. like maybe things arent so simple as he thought, that their destiny is more HIS destiny in the sense that hes the only one that believes in it. but then alex is still here. why? "oh. something went wrong. this is not how it's supposed to go. i fucked up our destinies." like he truly feels like he failed somehow, failed in doing something impossible and not real, and he cant fucking compute because of it.

and i think it happens when they officially know that the police gave up on trying to find them. alex is the most relieved. nigel doesnt care. he needs to go to his maraclea still and he tells alex as such and they have their 1000th argument that day.

they are not going back, alex says. they need to go back, nigel says. to finish it. and alex is so DONE. hes done with nigel's shit, he doesnt even get it, never let himself think much abt the other boys for various reasons, but now? now he MAKES himself think abt it. and alex is intelligent. and he knows more abt nigel than he thought. nigel is just stubbornly clinging onto his og point, they have fates, their intertwined, etc. it all makes sense, im your spade, your my jack, duh. we have a higher purpose, thats why ure here. and its THIS that finally breaks alex and he busts out this:

"im not here because of some made up destiny you believe in, im here because i want to! ME! not Jack, who is dead, Alex! i want us both here, i want to stay here, i wanna keep this!"

and alex finally gets it. because as much as he'd like to pretend like he's hated being on the run with nigel, deep down he knows, he knows because hes seen glimpses of it, he knows he can be at peace with nigel. it would scare him so bad when he felt comfort at coming back to his and nigels place cuz how dare he feel that, thats wrong, everything is wrong. but if everything is wrong than everything is right, and nothing fucking matters. alex realizes that they are SAFE. they escaped. they run away and it WORKED. and theyre both alive. and theres something so calming abt it that it resets alex completely. yh he doesnt truly get nigel. but he wants to. he doesnt want to lose their peace and he doesnt want to lose nigel. and it doesnt scare him anymore. its just what it is. its okay, theyre okay, they will be.

but nigel is not okay. he does not get it. what do u mean you WANT to be here as alex? no, its jack. doesnt matter what they were before they met, those boys dont matter. now he's jack's pike nothing else. he cant understand why alex would cling to an old life where they had no purpose and therefore no reason to keep on living. he does not understand why alex of all ppl, who does nothing but show him how much he hates nigel, would want to stay for any other reason than he HAS to. thats the whole foundation of this, nigel never cared for all the insults n shit because he saw how alex stayed, and how he kept buying nigels fav tea, or how he tried to like dogs more even tho hes more of a cat person. its all for the destiny. for the cause, the order. theres nothing else that makes sense. and nigels never been more lost.

so nigel goes "youre here because you have to be. you have no choice, thats the whole point." and THIS is when alex gets nigel. and hes like oh shit, oh he got rly fucked up growing up huh. and now alex has to try and make nigel understand that no, he is not here cuz he has to, hes here because he wants to. now hes more afraid that if he makes nigel understand that, makes him see that he can just live life without some greater purpose cuz its already so good to be alive, its a fucking gift, hes scared nigel will choose something that tears them apart, like leaving, or full on ending his life, or turning himself in or smth.

so while alex is trying to start that convo, nigel just gets more and more agitated because he can see that alex is not getting it and he needs him to cuz otherwise his life doesnt make sense. and he does smth impulsive and runs out of the door. he needs to be Away. he cant stay inside a place theyve made their own when he thought they understood each other but he doesnt understand anything at all actually.

alex panics, naturally, and they havent gotten phones yet cuz they didnt want any tracking to be done (now they can have it, now that they know theyre somewhat safe) so if nigel is gone, than hes gone for good. and alex tries to follow but nigel screams at alex to stay away. and its the first time nigel's been properly angry at alex. so he stays. and he just hopes that nigel comes back cuz atp what else is he gonna do but probs fuck it all up again.

its pouring rain, and nigel just walks. he just wanted distance but now he panics because hes not supposed to be away from alex, wtf is he doing, but also is alex even his jack? and he jsut spirals more n more, he doesnt even notice hes walking with just socks on.

what if this is still part of their destiny? he clings to that but to his dismay and horror it is way harder than he thought. he was so convinced he knew the way forward but he isnt sure now, so now he looks back at everything he's ever thought ever since he met alex and doubts. he doubts it all. was it ever real? were they even chosen? did he have any purpose? and as much as he clings to "yes" he only truly believes in "no". should he have seen the signs? that he was wrong? was alex right? there was always this competition between them, who was right and who was wrong and both believed they were right. and nigel thought he must be right because he had the books and history to back it up. he believed in all that. and now his parents are dead, and susan, and theyre criminals, and he did it all thinking he knew everything and now he realizes maybe it was all for nothing. but the one thing that he used to think that completely refuted this was alex staying. he never wouldve out of his own free will. why would he? theres no logical explanation. and nigel NEEDS some logical explanation for this cuz it cant be "alex wants to be with him" that doesnt make sense, alex doesnt make sense. jack makes sense. he's solid. why isnt he real? he doesnt understand.

when he goes back its not because hes reached a conclusion. no hes faaaaaaar from it. but his stuff is here and he is attached to his projects, his weak humanity showing through. and alex is still there. and then the weirdest thing ever happens.

alex starts to banter. hes normally all insults that are meant to hurt. but when he calls nigel a "wet rat making a mess of my floor with all that mud" its just teasing. and then he give nigel a change of clothes and "threatens" him to shower or else, but its not really a threat. nigel is very lost, but this is his jack and he'll just. do what he says for now. when he gets his head back on track he can fight back. but sometimes u need to lay low and then come back online. so he showers (alex makes sure the water is warm), he changes, he uses alex's slippers per alex's demands, and then the doorbell rings. hes confused, cuz they dont have any friends or anything, but then alex opens the door and grabs the pizza boxes from the guys hands and pays and its only now that nigel notices hes kinda hungry, and it is late. past dinner time for sure. they have this old tv that barely works but has a dvd player and alex sits in front of the couch with the pizza and tells nigel to "fucking sit down or i'll punch u". so nigel does, and they're watching some old fantasy esque movie that hes not paying attention to cuz wtf is happening. alex eats the pizza, nigel holds one slice and doesnt move. just stares at alex. he notices and asks, honestly, "u dont like the pizza? idk ur tastes that well so i went for basic pepperoni." nigel sees a teenager in front of him and realizes belatedly that only a few months ago they turned 18. alex looks young. he is young. he has sauce on his cheek. and then nigel says "ive never had pizza before" and eats it. and its fine. but then alex laughs at teases him abt him having no life whatsoever, what a loser, and scoots closer to him, and suddenly the pizza its the best thing thats ever happened in nigels life, and he hasnt gotten it yet, not fully, but hes willing to play along and understand it along the way.

its the first time he willingly lets himself to something he just feels like doing. hes never done that before. it scares him. alex leans over him and pats his shoulder with his head and that scares him too. he's seeing alex now, not jack, and all he can feel is how warm he is right next to him, full of blood, and alive and red. its a heady feeling.

and this is how nigel starts to get that there is no otherworldly purpose to life. life just is. and he gets alex as a bonus, isnt that neat.

(they still have a longgggggg way to go to figure out their romantic feelings, but one thing at a time yall)

also: alex being very touched starved and always showing his affection physically, which nigel finds confusing but accepts cuz he lowkey likes it, even if it confuses him a lot. and then he does it back on his own initiative once, cuz he saw alex stare longingly at a couple hugging and holding hands and kissing and he was overwhelmed with a need to show, not tell, alex how much he cares for him. so he wakes up next morning and hugs alex from behind while hes coming back online with coffee and alex almost burns himself. anyways. nigel being confused by tenderness and alex reveling in being able to be gentle with someone finally

[loveguts]

what are some wips you're having fun working on? (sorry i know this is random 😅)

hi hi no need to apologize at all i’m excited to get questions thank u for asking!!

right now i’m really excited to be working on a wip i’ve called “boything,” it’s a short story atm but if i end up really feeling it and writing a lot i might consider turning it into a novel? it’s sort of mutated from a short story i’ve been trying to write since 2021 but could never figure out what to do with it, i’ve tried rewriting it and workshopping it like 5 times now and i’ve posted about it a little bit in the past. the original had a few different titles but it was always vaguely victorian in setting and followed the main character, eden, through his shitty relationship with his tyrannical abusive father.

BUT recently i’ve decided to overhaul the story entirely and i’ve made it southern gothic, the bare bones concept with eden and his father is staying the same but the setting and the characterizations have changed a lot into something i feel a lot more excited to write about and overall just more connected to. the vibes of the rewrite are ofc a southern gothic setting + religious horror + cannibalism + even a worm will turn + kind of like if carrie was transmasculine but also obligatory i hate stephen king + subtle body horror

i’m really excited about it though and genuinely feel more connected to it than any personal writing projects i’ve written in a long time. and i mostly blame this on my depression and not being on meds that worked for me, but over the past ~3 years i’ve been involved in writeblr and posting my writing publicly on here, in the past it was just difficult for me to grasp the stories and characters and that’s why nothing i wrote ever really went anywhere. so 2024 and just being on new meds definitely feels like turning over a new leaf for me and im HOPING i actually get somewhere with boything, especially since i have a very clear vision for it. i might post a preview soon or maybe i’ll just wait until it’s finished to post it but it’s going well so far i think!!

but yeah other than boything i don’t really have any wips atm, just concepts i’ve been tossing around. there’s one i’m trying to work out that’s sort of an amalgamation of every major writing project i’ve tried to write since i was like 15. there’s absolutely no plot in mind right now and i’m kind of just frankenstein-ing various ideas i’ve had to see what i like and what ends up sticking, but the essentials right now are like..midwestern gothic (specifically a small town in indiana), focus on dysfunctional familial dynamics between the main character + his sister + their neglectful mother, the sister goes missing and a lot of weird shit starts unraveling surrounding her disappearance. idk what the weird shit is yet im gonna be real. but the other story idea i have isn’t fleshed out at all in the slightest i literally just have an aesthetic in mind for it and that’s it, but i’m thinking it’s something like small town suburban gothic maybe with a slasher or a string of murders or something?? i do have a post about these two ideas in my writing tag including a moodboard for the second idea so i’ll tag this post with the same tag so it’s easier to find.

ANYWAYS thank you again for asking i really appreciate it, i’ll go ahead and use this as the first post for my boything tag too :•)

[slutsofren]

oooh i’m not sure if this has been asked yet but directors cut on why you chose hebrew as the language for the book? and how will that tie in to the story, did the humans in reader’s world once come in contact with ancient fae of some sort?

AH THIS IS SUCH A GREAT QUESTION and one that has a very intricate answer so please just stick with me on this, just-

hold on let me get my whiteboard out!!

okay SO-

when i initially read acotar i read amren and her WHOLE VIBE as being an angel. like full stop, "be not afraid" biblically accurate angel. beautiful and terrifying and to be revered. i am what i jokingly refer to as a "recovering catholic" and went to catholic school. i was aggressively indoctrinated to our catholic church so when i read amren speaking of twin cities that burned i single-mindedly only read it as Sodom and Gomorrah* which further solidified my theory. is it true? idk. is it how sjm wanted her to be read? idk. it's just how i personally read her character.

* = as for Sodom and Gomorrah, for those who are unfamiliar with it- a very very very simple way to understand the verse was that they were twin cities that were punished by god for their sins and god destroyed them from existence for their apparent wickedness against his plans for humanity and nature. there's a lot of external context im leaving out but intrinsically that is the gist.

now i haven't read crescent city and i read throne of glass YEARS ago once so my memories of the series is fuzzy but i've heard that CC does go a bit deeper into abrahamic religious imagery throughout the two books. [spoilers for CC] with that being said i know of the crossing over sjm is aiming for with the tie-ins at the end of CC2 and i did read that snippet so after that came out it really did kind of help push this specific idea that i had of world jumping souls and whatnot.

so with me reading amren as an angel who was trapped into a fae body i felt that the book of breathings had to be hebrew. it felt right for my interpretation of amren and for her and reader to have that thread of connection of being from the same world, only thousands of years apart. i felt that if reader was at least culturally knowledgeable enough to recognize the stylized lettering of hebrew and recognize it enough to know it was a Semitic language, amren would 100% throw her entire being into readers corner. she trusts reader enough to know she is telling the truth but i see amren as being just that much self-serving that she was never going to justify doing whatever reader asked of her without question, but seeing the book, seeing reader recognize the language that (from amren's perspective) only amren knew, she saw you the reader for the first time and finally thought- this is it, this is where i am going to get answers.

as for the bigger picture, reader was not the first world-jumper ever. in fact reader is only a number of a multitude and suriel has alluded to knowing about the situation prior. the only difference is that this is the first time that a world jumper has came with the knowledge and foresight of reading acotar (lol 🤪) and was prepared enough to survive the specific narrative that was before them as feyre. almost like a how-to guide of what not to do right? lol. i have future chapters outlined enough that i know how i want to tell this story and where i want to deviate away from sjms storytelling and insert a narrative that includes world-jumpers who are not inherently good or even morally-grey. that there are world-jumpers who want to see the world bow down to their whims and destroy.

but now im just getting spoilery lmfao

as for humans from OUR world going to prythian, like i mention, reader was not the first to body swap with some one for whatever reason. historically in the high lady of cunning, i would like to imagine that it has been happening for generations and those who have tried to explain their situation have either been silenced one way or another or, more likely, decided to keep silent and try to survive. but even if all of those were potential possibilities, how many of those world-jumpers were fae? or even something stronger, far more ancient like a minor god of this world? along the line i believe a few fae from one court or another gathered together in secret and created the book of breathings as a failsafe, in a language only they could understand and read.

whether or not any of what i mentioned above actually make it into the fic is to be seen because like i said, i have a very solid outline for the future of the high lady. regardless, i hope i answered your question and gave you insight to where my mind is!! i love this funny lil horny fic and i will ALWAYS want to talk about it and behind the scenes stuff so if ya got any more deep dive questions, just shoot 'em in the inbox!!

thank you so so sooo much for your ask!! 🤲🤍🌹

sending you love anon muah!!

[hauntedkkitty]

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

[oretsev]

hi helloo, i'd just written a novel in ur askbox about s&b and then tumblr crashed and it was all lost :') maybe for the better because it was a total mess of thoughts lmao so let me try to summarise my feelings a bit (im sorry this turned out REALLY long)

i HATE that they speedran s&s and r&r in the most bullshit way possible. the entire amplifier hunt was basically removed, at least journey-wise - they just. find the sea whip in that one cave and then they go to morozova's workshop and thats it?? wheres the shu han quest. where the fuck is the ACTUAL spinning wheel. and why is alina not hounding everyone to find the firebird??? she's supposed to be obsessively seeking it now, why does she barely seem to care? also where's the actual ending to siege and storm. WHERE is my darkling & alina fight. wheres her being saved by mal... where's her white hair !!!! idk that scene was my favourite and once i knew we were getting a tv show i really wanted to see this on screen :((

all the characters and relationships they cut... harshaw, misha, ONCAT, tamar&nadia (because lbr they basically weren't there), honestly i even missed sergei and stigg (who i'd barely even remembered before), nadia and adrik as siblings even. they just cut all these people and their journeys with alina for what, a fetch quest for a magic sword?

also, where's the apparat and the soldat sol? we hear people call alina 'sankta', sure, but the entire religious part of ruin and rising is just. completely sidelined. which is really weird because it's so important!! tolya and tamar's faith is basically nonexistent and i don't like it at all

the whole firebird reveal was soooo boring. like i'm sorry but that scene in the book? absolutely perfect. but in the show... it's just a story! baghra just tells mal and thats it! honestly this entire season was so much telling and not showing too, soooo much exposition and it just really didnt work

now then. ive put this off long enough but. the fucking ending. dude... i don't even know where to begin. how do you fuck up the rewrite of your book so badly that the entire moral of your book is just. completely lost?? literally the entire trilogy is built on the "what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men" quote. you CANNOT disregard that in this way. the point of the entire story is that alina's greed is punished! she loses her powers and she loses mal (sort of). the fold is destroyed by her power but not by her, because she never should have had that much power! now... she loses nothing. she has her power, she has three amplifiers, she brought mal back with merzost (which is still. insane to me like i legit laughed out loud when that happened) and now she's general of the second army and also soon probably queen of ravka??? she doesnt lose ANYTHING to her greed.

and with the ending too... where the hell are they going to take this next? because theyre sure as hell not following the kos duology storyline, what with alina now being nikolai's general instead of zoya (which im also. really pissed off about because zoya's story is SO important and theyve just. shoved her to the side)

i also have some thoughts about the crows and how theyve been handled of course i just don't feel as passionately about them (also because they shouldnt have been in this show in the first place but thats just my opinion <3) but i do wonder how theyre gonna start the soc spinoff when theyve basically done so much of the crooked kingdom plot already? and inej is literally already sailing and finding slavers like... i have no idea how theyre going to dothis spinoff and make everyone happy

very small last points but im so mad that they did the "an ordinary life full of ordinary things" line and then decided to. include nikolai? what the actual fuck? and then they didnt even GIVE malina their ordinary life... sorry im so so angry about this ending

i'm sure ive got more to say but this is already wayy too long and i don't wanna bother u anymore but ive just been mad for 3 days straight and really needed to get this off my chest <3 im really disappointed that theyve managed to screw up my favourite book series of all time so i'm just going to reread r&r and forget this season exists :D hope u have a nice day and thank u for reading this dump slfksdj

RIP but ty for venting!!! i totally get everything you’re saying. all of this comes down to the writers smashing basically all of the books into one season for NO reason. all of the things that make the trilogy & duology interesting & compelling & complex are gone bc there’s no time to show them. it’s constantly going GO GO GO with the plot, & for what?? nothing got added to these characters this season, i didn’t feel any impact during any of the big reveals, i didn’t get any emotional payoff from these characters’ journeys.

& why change the ending the way they do? eric’s already said that a season 3 would go back & touch on s&s things they didn’t address. so this ending is meant to draw out alina & mal’s stories, but why do it this way? why backtrack like that? you could certainly draw out the trilogy without speed-running the original ending like this, but that doesn’t fit whatever weird narrative he has for the crows ig.